#that’s not the issue now so much as i don’t want to learn to shave my face and don’t want it to grow back more visible (i know it doesn’t

[dashiellqvverty]

tbh i don’t believe ppl who say they shave bc leg hair gives them sensory issues or whatever bc *i* actually get sensory issues from shaving so like. what is the truth.

[fleshengine]

Okay when I say “recently put it together” I mean I had an epiphany while writing that reblog but wanted to make a separate post.

My friendgroup started icing me out as soon as I started expressing my femininity and sexuality.

Some background: I had a wildly unhealthy relationship in my highschool years that really put me off from sex for a while. When I got to college I first dated this asexual enby but we broke up after a few months. Then through a friend I met this other enby who I then “dated” for over a year. We both had issues so we didn’t really go on dates that much or ever fuck. This person was also really good friends with a couple, one of whom is ace. I was an enby at the time (internalized transmisogyny is a bitch), and I actually learned months after the fact that the couple had gotten into an argument about my agab. One though I was amab (correct), the other thought I was afab (incorrect). Because of the aforementioned not fucking or expressing a desire to fuck my partner for over a year, they also assumed I was asexual.

Now I could talk about the issues I’ve had with this trio for a while, but suffice to say I’ve felt excluded since day 1.

Fast forward to 11 months ago. After feeling supported and loved and exposing myself to other trans women online, I finally decide to go back on E. I talk to my doc, I get put on injections, and it’s the best choice I’ve made in my adult life. It should be a cause for joy among my friends, and it is for many. But it was also a clear turning point in how that trio treated me. Because around this time I get my first sexual partner since highschool. What was once tacit approval and inclusion dries up to the minimum interaction as socially obligated of them. For that semester I felt progressively distanced from them, and it only got worse over the summer. The asexual, my roommate over the summer, interacted with me at a minimum. We had classes together, but the month we had off was devoid of anything resembling friendship. When the other two got back a week before normal classes started, the dregs of interaction dried to nothing. The three of them have barely spoken to me this semester. I’m too girl for them, I’m too sexual, I’m too comfortable and confident in myself to beg for scraps of attention from them.

If I didn’t have other friends, if I didn’t have tumblr, if I loved myself an iota less I might have caved and tried to reinsert myself into the group. I might’ve had to shave bits of myself off, my sexuality, my shoulders, my voice. I have the other people in my life who loved me as me to thank.

And you know what? Good for them, they can have their hyperinsular three person friendgroup if they want. They can pull vulnerable people into their orbit and let go of them however they want. I don’t have to be a part of it anymore. I have other people who appreciate me.

[cogneato-inc]

Arthur Morgan x TransMasc!Reader Headcanons

Recently made some Discoveries about myself and in entirely unrelated news found that there is a Severe Lack of Boy Kisser Arthur Morgan

I am now dedicating my life to fixing this issue-

NSFT near the end !

The way he finds out is probably some kind of life or death situation (because of course it is)-

You two are away from camp, on what was supposed to be an easy job - some stagecoach with lackluster security, and apparently quite a bit of cash on board

But of course you weren’t the only ones with your eye on it; a gunfight ensues and long story short you’re injured- bad enough that Arthur notices almost immediately

It’s just your luck that you were hit in the side, you’ll have to take your shirt off to treat it- and as much as you try to protest, begging Arthur to let you handle it alone, he’s insistent that No, you Cannot take a bullet out of your own side, you Goddamn Fool (he’s exaggerating a little, it just grazed you - but he’s so so scared of losing you, why are you being so stubborn ???)

And of course you’re absolutely terrified of how he’s going to react, what’s going to happen to you, will you have to run away ?

But y’all he barely pauses-

You’re a good man, one of his best friends and a hell of a shot - he’s not letting you bleed out just because he’s a little surprised

(+ he’s been all over the place and met all sorts of folks, it’s probably not even his first time knowing someone who’s trans-)

He doesn’t mention it in the moment - doesn’t want to put any more stress on you, or say the wrong thing

But he’s sure not to treat you any different while he’s patching you up, and doesn’t hesitate about your pronouns or name when he talks to you about the injury

Helps you hide anything you need to while you’re healing - if you don’t have a tent he’s offering his own, and snapping at anyone who questions it

When he does eventually approach you to talk about it, he makes sure you know that he doesn’t see you any differently, and that nothing’s changed now that he knows

(Okay he says nothing’s changed but he Absolutely starts calling you ‘boy’ a lot more often-)

‘Atta boy-‘ ‘Good eye, boy.’ ‘Nice shootin’ boy!’

He‘ll stop if you ask, he just wants to make it clear that he doesn’t see you as any less of a man-

If he notices you haven’t had a chance to take off your bindings in a while he’ll tell everyone you’re going hunting together and take you into town to get a bath and hotel room for the night so you can take a break. (He’s a total mother hen when it comes to making sure you’re taking care of yourself)

Arthur didn’t have the best childhood but he’s got a lot of good memories of going fishing with Dutch and Hosea, and he definitely got into all sorts of mischief when he was younger. Roughhousing with John, learning how to shoot, swimming in the creek, etc, etc- as soon as he realizes you probably didn’t get a chance to make memories like that he is On It

He’s always telling you stories about his childhood, and he definitely encourages you to try out whatever you may have missed

If you don’t know how to fish he’s teaching you, End Of

(He pushes you into the water and you end up wrestling him in with you- you both go back to camp soaked to the bone and grinning. Definitely got scolded about all of the mud on your clothes)

Him teaching you how to shave ??? The Proximity,, o ugh

Once you’re together he takes every opportunity to call you His Man <3 <3 <3

On the nsfw side of things,,,

This man has been thinking of you every night for Months and this changes Absolutely None Of That

Of course before he knew you were trans his fantasies were a little different,, anatomy wise-

But he’s still Fucking his Fist thinking of you every night (when he has the energy </3), For Sure

Draws you Naked (whether you’ve been together or not - he has a Great Imagination) and Prays to God you never go through his journal-

Definitely Ogles you while you do chores around camp - Cannot keep his eyes off you

He pretends to be busy with something else so he can watch you chop wood, his eyes drift to your ass every time you bend over to grab anything

He has to physically Look Away anytime you hook your thumbs into your pockets, or stretch, or rest your hands on your belt, or aim a rifle, or haul bales of hay around- it’s torture, replaying in his head on nights when he doesn’t pass out as soon as he lays down.

When you finally get together and find the time to get down and dirty, Absolutely expect some ‘Good Boy’s thrown out -

For one this man has a Massive Praise Kink, giving and receiving - we all know this

But he also wants to give some extra reassurance in the moment, that even fully exposed you’re still a man in his eyes

Him eating you out on his knees in an alley ???

Your back against the wall and one hand in his hair while the other covers your mouth because damn he is GOOD at this but you have to keep quiet-

(Your taste gets him so worked up, he’s absolutely touching himself while he does it - spills on the ground when you cum, his other hand gripping your hip to help you stay upright)

[do-i-look-like-a-doctor]

okay but the Naruto universe is so fucking weird yet funny if you explain it and question it.

first, you have this lil orphan broke kid ninja boy named after a fishroll. then, you have an emo kid who acts like he got parents and a good way in life despite the fact he’s equally as much of an orphan as Mr. Broke-Blonde-Bitch. THEN you have this normal chick with pink hair who signed up for absolutely none of this nonsense yet got dragged into it. tell me why it’s these three against the world yet none of them can function together? it’s like watching ferrets hyped up on PCP fight over raw spaghetti noodles. dont even get me started when they were in school together, i can bet every person here 6 cents that at some point Sakura aka Ms. Fuckall got tired of Naruto and Sasuke’s bullshit and just tried to abandon them at an animal shelter.

speaking of school and general tomfoolery, why was the dude in charge of these three young squishy brained freaks the most depressed 20 something year old creature on the planet? i will admit, Kakashi is attractive and a great dude. he is so iconic, he misses his old team, and it’s clear he wanted best for his Group of Weird Children but he also reads porn all day and his mask probs smells like cheap aftershave.

if i was a 13 year old ninja child and i saw my sensai (who’s name sounds like cashew) doing all that i’d assume im either about to learn a sick ass skill (how to not cope with emotional trauma properly) or im about to get my ass handed to me. or im about to dropout.

back on track. so you’ve got orphan #1, orphan #2, Ms. Get-Me-Out-Of-Here, and Emotionally Repressed Man in one team. what do the kids do? beef for like 3048384 episodes. what does Kakashi do? try to teach them the power of friendship the entire damn series. oh, and let’s not forget that Naruto apparently has a demon fox inside him because of course he does.

anyways, once the team gets good at teaming they haul off to take their lil ninja exams. who do they meet? some kid named Gaara with smudged eyeliner and shaved brows. he’s a red-head, that’s cute. oh and he can control sand and tries to kill every child in the exams because his dad is a piece of shit hipster. who else do they meet? a kid named Rock Lee who can kick really hard, a girl named Tenten who wishes for all of us to stfu, and poor Neji who can’t keep doing this. there’s also some guy named Guy. yeah, the chunin exams nearly flop because Gaara doesn’t know how to act right.

all this is happening but the pivotal of it all? Sasuke decides to be extra emo and FUCKS OFF TO KILL HIS HALF BLIND SICKLY OLDER TWINK BROTHER.

then, Naruto decides he wants to harness his powers and FUCKS OFF WITH AN OLD ASS BUSHY HAIRED MAN WHO WRITES PORN. Jiraiya needs to be studied on a microscopic spiritual level. he is why SCP’s exist.

who let these kids out? i told you all not to feed the animals and look what happened. now theres beef between a group of kids and the akatsuki.

oh and the akatsuki?? don’t get me started. wtf is that. why is this group of fucked up people with weird powers who are being led by a ginger hive mind of corpses just wandering around? and why is Weasel, aka Itachi, in the middle of it with his goofy explosive hypnotic eyeballs? i want them all put down.

so you’ve got the evil eldirch horrors in the streets. thats fine. Naruto gets put into a new gang cuz Kakashi has to hospitalized. cool, whatever. Naruto decides to start hutning down his rogue boyfriend alongside Sakura, who became a sickass ninja doctor, along with his new sensei Yamato. wonderful… THEN SOME BITCH NAMED SAI SHOWS UP.

DO NOT GET ME STARTED.

what is that? why is it emo? why is its tongue tattooed? put it back outside bro i stg. i love him so much.

everything is just everywhere in this anime bro I can’t. Sasuke is no where to be seen, Naruto is doing fuckall across the world with his groupie, Kakashi is lowkey sad again cuz his kids are gone, and Sakura can barely breathe without issues occurring.

not just that but the twink brother named Weasel is being stupid and enables his own murder. yeah he basically wants Sasuke to come for his ass. meanwhile, Naruto comes home bigger, better, older but still broke and full of fox demon. still, not a single soul except his friends and teachers like him. shit gets even more wild, it becomes knock-off Cheetah Girls vs. The World.

girl i gotta go before i hurt someone. see yall in part 2.

(all of this is heavily unedited, apologies for mistakes)

[gabidy-gook]

re: your post about religious upbringing, virginity, and a desire to be desired— I hear ya man. I’m the same age and while not a virgin, I used to struggle with much of the same anxieties around sex, owing in no small part to my religious upbringing. I haven’t been sexually active in a bit BUT I’ve now reached a point where I’m not worried about the prospect of it anymore, because I’m confident I won’t put too much pressure on myself and fall apart, because I know I simply don’t have to. That’s really what it all comes down to, refusing to buy into the fear that your brain peddles about not being good enough for someone that you want nothing more than to soothe and please. The ability to do that is a skill that, like anything else, comes with practice. Letting yourself off the hook for things that haven’t even happened yet is absolutely something you can learn, and it comes with the territory of cultivating basic self-esteem.

Obviously this a massive multi-faceted issue that looks different for everyone, but the key I found to getting over my sex hang ups in particularly is to learn to view yourself as being just as sexy as you find your kinks to be. You have to embody it yourself! After all, how could anyone else possibly be expected to see how hot you are if you don’t even see it? And the way to start couldn’t be simpler: if you don’t feel hot, ask yourself what it would take for you to feel that way, and then simply, literally, do that thing, no matter what it is. Prioritize it, because it matters. For me, it’s about wholly embracing femininity, so I wear press-on nails and slutty outfits and shave my entire body (I am also non-binary but just saying, do whatever works for you).

All to say, it’s your birthright to do whatever you want with your time on this earth, and that time is far too valuable to spend kicking your own ass. You’ll find no shortage of people out there who will want to take a swing at you no matter what you do, so there’s no sense in preemptively battering yourself for them. Make ‘em work for it.

Life is process not product. Godspeed brother

I appreciate your kind words. It's often, like, being viewed as attractive. Which I've been working out and it makes me feel attractive, but I struggle to interpret signals from other people about it.

[morg-among-the-stars]

I Ran Home That Day ♾️

I ran home that day

Sprinted so quickly down the road to finally have an answer

To know why I cause so many problems and why I’m the epitome of, “weird”

A warm day in the middle of May, it was

And my mom stood on the porch, waiting for me

I was grinning, I still don’t know why

I was excited as if I were about to be given a gift or a new toy to play with

My mom’s words came out calmly, a little apprehensively, though

Like she didn’t want to say them out loud

But she did

“Morgan, you have Asperger’s, with the ADHD.”

She couldn’t say, “autism”

Because that word

Was big

And heavy

It had so many connotations

But I was eleven years old

I didn’t know any better

We went inside and I put my backpack away

And cried

Somewhere between relief and fear

What did that mean for me now? For the future? What now, what now?

Relief shined through, though

I had been carrying fear within me that there wasn’t anything diagnosable

My worst fear, that I was just a bad kid

But I wasn’t

I was put into a world that wasn’t made for me

And I dealt with it the best way I could; through tics and fidgets and never shutting up and loving things intently

And I cried

My mom hadn’t hugged me that tight in my entire life

I had to get my sister off the bus

She was the first person I told

She didn’t know what it meant, but ass-burgers was funny to her

She didn’t know any better, either

That night, I had a choir concert for my school

I wore my chorus shirt with black sweatpants

Because I couldn’t stand denim

I stood in the warm-up room off to the side by myself

Knowing something that no one else did

Could they see it now? Did they know before I did?

A few girls from my class came up to me

“Why are you wearing sweatpants?”

But my face had to have shown something— worry, embarrassment, confusion, something— because the girls changed course

“It’s okay, you’re lucky. I wish my mom let me wear sweatpants all the time.”

They didn’t know the battle that went on about that at home; and with brushing my teeth; with showering; with learning how to shave; with talking too much; with not talking at all when stressed; with, with, with

But I wasn’t going to tell them

Less I need another thing to stick a target to my back: Morgan has family issues and is autistic, too

I don’t remember the singing part of the chorus concert

Though, I do remember the song, “Three Quotes” inspired by the works of Mark Twain

One part of the song had all of us kids yell on stage: “Rude, rambunctious crescendo” is what I remember the choir teacher telling us in the rehearsal days we had prior

The days where I sang loud to not think, “What if I’m a bad kid, what if I’m a bad kid? What then, what then?”

And blared music until my ears rang to not think, “What happens then? What will I do if I’m just a bad kid?”

During the crescendo, I went mute

The ringing in my ears and the thoughts in my head were so loud that I believed I was saying them out loud

So loud in my head

I’m autistic, I am on the spectrum, I don’t know what that means

I wanted to go home

Sit in the dark

But I had more songs to smile and dance and off-key sing to

When it was over, I ran to my mom

And hugged her tight

A friend of mine came up to me

Smiling, happy to see me, wanting to tell me I did a good job, even when I really didn’t

She was the second person I told

I don’t know why I brought it up

She had been my friend since the first grade

So I trusted her

“I’m autistic.”

“Oh.”

Oh

That’s all she said

Social deficit, I’d made a social misstep

But we pushed on

She hugged me and took a picture with me thanks to both our mom’s insistence

I still have that picture now

Tired eyes, my crooked smile

A forced, crooked smile

But a smile nonetheless

I went home and my mom told me to be comfortable

To relax

I went right to my room, mind racing, to my computer to research

And research

And research

And research some more

My eyes were going wonky

So tired

But I had to know and had to educate myself and had to learn what such a heavy word meant

I went to sleep late that night

Definitely not relaxed

And faced the morning

And faced the day

I pulled my favorite teacher aside and told her

“I have Asperger’s.”

“I have nephews with it. Don’t worry, you’re still a smart girl.”

She hugged me, too

I never said I wasn’t smart

One student overheard

And told another

Then another

Then another

And it spread like a wildfire

People knew when I didn’t want them to

I was questioned

If I was bullied for just showing autistic traits, then what do you think happened when people learned that they were right?

Called the r-word in the hallway

Picked last in gym class

Avoided like the plague

Avoided like the plague

How was I supposed to be proud

Of something that made things worse for a long, long time?

I denied all accusations

“I’m not autistic. What are you talking about?”

And went on with my life

I told my best friend

“I’m autistic.”

“That’s okay, your mind is just a little funky. But everyone’s mind is their own kind of funky.”

She was kind to me

She was kind to me

I entered high school and met more kids with it

Kids who could say that they were autistic

Proudly

Incredible

I watched them

And wanted to be proud

It got written on my student record

My new choir teacher embraced it fully

She was kind to me

I ran to her class every day

And got picked on for being a kiss-ass

But I slowly didn’t care

There are people who can be kind

The teasing and bullying and cruelty won’t matter in the long run

Though its wounds still stay with me

I stuck with kind people

I ran to them

Ran down to hall to see my friends

Who were all weird and queer and different

But I loved them all

They kept me safe

Kind people kept me safe

I ran to them

Held them close to me

Grew up beside the other weirdos

And didn’t feel alone

Didn’t feel heavy

Wasn’t avoided

Found peace in people like me

Told more people

Found pride

Found pride for the first time

And ran toward better days where I grew up and allowed myself to rest

To take it easy

To find people like me and to love them

To love them

To love me

And to love big, heavy words

And to fly free

And run towards light

[jones-friend]

Lol. Lmao.

I started watching One Tree Hill bc what I saw through my now estranged sister was absurd, and bc of the John Oliver clip where a dog high on marijuana eats Dan Scott’s replacement heart. I first watched all the finales back to back to back then decided to give the whole thing a run through.

In one tree hill a number of souls are shackled within the purgatory of Tree Hill, a place that causes characters to stagnate professionally and emotionally while giving illusions of growth through platitudes and unearned emotional moments. You cannot escape Tree Hill. Death isn’t even enough to escape Tree Hill. You can fall onto the pitcher plant but you cannot climb out. You are one with Tree Hill.

This is a show with no less than three serial killer arcs, a show so hungry for drama it consumes every teen drama concept before the second season leaving it nowhere to go, a show with two near fatal bridge accidents, with real ghosts that help and haunt, where teenagers and small children talk like aged adults, where we get to see the progression of culture and technology from early 00’s flip phones to early 10’s smartphones and social media, and teenagers promising rebellion instead become the forces they were so much so against in early seasons as cycles are broken yet perpetuate. This is a show where a teenager can afford an apartment by working part time at a mall food court. Its also got an incredible reinforcement of heteronormative ideals.

In this show, Ball is Life.

The biggest issue with One Tree Hill working is there needs to be a source of drama caused by the main cast. The way this works out in writing is characters often backtrack their growth to cause more drama again.

I do have a few positives. After S4 there is a time skip of 4 years. I think this actually gives good weight to S4’s finale, letting it keep that weight. And they give new struggles to the cast that don’t trivialize their previous successes while giving us something to root for. The friendship between Nathan and Lucas has genuinely compelling moments as they learn about themselves and each other.

Dan Scott is also a source of great enjoyment for me. He makes the show work. You have plotlines like “Lucas and Brooke are having relationship issues”, “Nathan wants to play basketball more”, and “Dan uses a school shooting to kill his brother Keith bc Dan was convinced he was drugged and left to burn in his dealership when really it was-“ and its just absurd every time.

I will do a character rundown of the main 5 peeps:

Lucas is the original protagonist of the show. He is half brother to Nathan and the “underdog” of S1 where he plays the river court compared to Nathan playing varsity bball. He’s described to be the more emotionally driven one between Nathan and Lucas but as the show goes on he just becomes the dumber of the two. When it comes to relationships he can’t make up his mind and goes with whatever the girl he’s with wants. This leads him to cheat multiple times and as his gf gets mad at him he squints off into the middle distance like there’s something going on but we all know there’s nothing going on behind those eyes. After the timeskip he continues dwelling on the past writing a book that is both super successful and terrible at the same time and the show just kinda makes him a washed up writer before giving him and Peyton a fairy tale ending and saying goodbye S6.

Nathan Scott is the “rich boy” bball player who starts the show as an asshole until the show decides he isnt. Nathan is the only good person in One Tree Hill. He’s the only one who’s level and tries to make reasonable choices without flying off the handle. He does have a few hilarious moments with how seriously high school bball is taken where a mafia is pressuring him to shave points off games bc they bet a lot of money on him. The biggest letdown with Nathan is he continues to beat himself up over the unrestrained anxieties of his wife-

Haley is the worst character in the show. She accuses Nathan of cheating at least 5 times in the show despite nothing indicating that, the most egregious of which is when she snoops and finds Nathan’s valentines day gifts for her and accuses them of being for someone else. This is second to a rando accusing Nathan of sleeping with her after he becomes famous and after a few days she decides to believe the rando over her husband of 4-5 years. She just lets her anxieties get the better of her and it makes her mean to Nathan for 75% of their screentime.

Brooke! One of my least favorite characters of s1-4 and one of the stronger of 5-9. Brooke starts as a party girl who just kinda starts shit for the sake of starting shit. When the show needs drama they turn to her for it most times and it makes her later high school bits feel less genuine. After the timeskip shes in charge of a multi million dollar clothing company (if you’re noticing a trend the timeskip changes characters from relatable high schoolers to wildly successful in their field). She matures out of that shit starter mentality and slides into Lucas’s spot as protagonist (a loose term with so many characters). Her and Nathan undergo the most growth. I also did appreciate and resonate with her graduation arc in that she didn’t really feel the same drive as her classmates.

Shit with Peyton is wild. She has 3 sudden family member reveals: one is Laura Palmer who dies almost immediately, one is serial killer arc #1, and the last is one of the show’s rare black characters who’s a marine thats very quickly sent out to war (Bush era politics). She is a musician, artist, she dates the lead singer from Fallout Boy somewhat seriously (that’s canon, its not the lead singer as a character, in universe he’s also the lead singer of Fallout Boy. He comes by in a limo and goes on tours). Her and Lucas are supposed to be the will they won’t they but with three female leads and two male leads Brooke kind of gets left behind S4 in a smaller capacity. In the timeskip she goes on to become a producer instead of a musician which always felt odd, then after her and Lucas depart they beach ball her label around without knowing what to do with it. Also casting has an issue where they hire sameface women and Peyton was the only one I could reliably identify.

If youre interested in watching One Tree Hill it depends how much time youre willing to sink into it. S1-8 are 22ish episodes long each and each episode is 42mins. I don’t think every episode is worthwhile unless you come at it with the analytical mind of having watched good prestige TV so you can pick apart characters more than the show wants you to.

For those just looking for a casual good time watch S1E1 then watch all the finales back to back to back. Its wild, so much happens you just have to adjust for. Its actually great.

If you REALLY wanna get your hands dirty the entire show is a nostalgia trip into the 00’s complete with famous bands of the time, tech, and norms. This is good and bad as you’ll watch them try to handle a bisexual character in the early 00’s. Also watching Dan Scott dunk on literal high schoolers never gets old.

I DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYIN BE LATELY

[powergayser]

growing up as a desi woman in the west is a layered experience. that is, it has layers of bullshit. layers of total, utter, unadulterated shit. shit that takes years to remember, process, unpack, unlearn, and move on from. 

one of those layers is learning that you are not attractive. you’re just not. you’re ugly. 

you’re not thin, white, small, smooth, or pretty. you’re chubby and you have broad shoulders and thighs the size of texas. you grow hair at a rate that could rival most cis men out there. you’ve probably got a mustache that you have to shave/wax/thread every few days. your nose is too big, your lips are too thick, eyebrows are too wild, your skin is oily, and your hair is too frizzy. 

you don’t fit western beauty standards. at all. and that’s… okay, actually. it’s okay. you’re not white, you’re not european, why should you have to fit a specific set of standards to be beautiful? after all, true beauty comes from withi– 

hang on. you’re forgetting something. 

you’re too thin, don’t you eat anything? wait, no, now that you’re eating you’re too fat. if you work out too much, you’ll become too muscular, like a man. your skin is soo dark, what do you keep going outside for? stay at home, you’re a girl. what’s wrong with your face, you have so many pimples! stop eating x food item and maybe your skin will clear up. do some house work, it’ll help you lose weight. why aren’t you wearing a bra? your nipples are showing, go cover up, it’s indecent.

how will you get married if you look like that? 

you won’t get a husband if you keep eating like that. no man wants to marry a pig. 

she’s too short, too fat, her face isn’t very nice… no, we don’t want her to marry our son. 

you just can’t catch a break, can you? 

sure, you’re not white, so you can’t expect to fit the bullshit eurocentric beauty standards. but now the aunties of your community, your own people, are doing this to you? wow that. that just sucks, man. 

and eventually, when you grow up, you realize the standards of beauty that your own community is pushing on you is a reflection of the bullshit eurocentric beauty standards. it all goes back to whiteness, misogyny, and patriarchy. that’s all it is. 

but now you’ve got to undo all of that damage, and continue to exist in a world where these issues persist, because there aren’t many good solutions to these problems that don’t involve revolution. furthermore, you as an individual can’t do much about it. fun, isn’t it? 

yeah. real fun. but here’s something more positive, i guess:

i’m a transmasc dyke now. i don’t shave, my stomach isn’t flat, i eat whatever i want because i know my body. i work out to put on muscle, and i let myself tan in the summers. i dress like a “slut” on saturday nights and go to the gay bar. i don’t always feel beautiful, but i know my self worth. i do not dress and take care of myself to impress men or appease the aunties. i’m happy like this. 

there’s more to life than getting a fucking husband and giving people eating disorders and body dysmorphia. shut the fuck up and find a new hobby. 

[russilton]

I really want to get the new Harry Potter game, but I feel so guilty getting it. I hate that a woman who has caused so much joy and happiness in my life is such a hateful person.

Don’t get that game. Just don’t. I don’t even recommend pirating it because the concept of the game itself is fuckin’ gross.

I don’t particularly feel like explaining why, this article will do so much better.

But what I will explain, is that JKR isn’t just a hateful person, she without a shadow of a doubt is a massive contributing reason as to why I am currently watching my government try to tear my bear minimum rights from me, and witnessing Texas try to eliminate trans people entirely. I’m not being hyperbolic, it’s her fucking fault.

She made transphobia a main stream concept. Yes, transphobia always existed but the thing about most people is they are just too busy to be looking for things to hate. That’s the honest to goodness truth, and we’ve seen this happen over, and over, and over again. With vaccines, with abortion, with homophobia. When a celebrity adopts a hateful idea and clings to it, people talk about it. That talk ripples outwards with people who probably didn’t care much before, getting on the side of that celeb because of their parasocial attachment to them. Suddenly they’re dragged into indoctrinating far right rhetoric that teaches them to dehumanise and hurt minority groups. What becomes one persons shitty view is suddenly them, an army of their defenders, and then an ocean of people who didn’t care before but will now suddenly go “well, I’m not sure I like that, that’s not fair is it?” When they see people being given something, even if it’s basic human decency.

And then, the most sickening thing of all happens, conservative and sometimes even liberal politicians see a talking point, and they take advantage of it. They see something they can use, a friction point, and they make it their stand so they can win these shitty people over to them, and distract from real fucking issues. Oh you want to talk about labour rights? Sorry you can’t, instead we have to focus on how you can’t go to the fucking bathroom anymore safely because trans women have been scapegoats for abuse that WASNT FUCKING HAPPENING

You want to talk about the cost of living? Can’t do that, because trans people are telling kids to have bodily autonomy and that’s grooming. GRC reform to fall in line with other sensible countries? Not any more, we hate you so much we will exercise our before now unused power over Scotland just to stop that happening bc what if bad men use it to hurt women, like there isn’t a rap sheet as long as my arm dripping with proof that politicians alone didn’t need to pretend to be a woman in order this assault women. We are now a scapegoat for their focus, a smokescreen they can use to cloak themselves when they are posed actually important questions.

Transphobic views are now weaponised. Suddenly people who would never have cared about me before, want me dead. Do you understand how terrifying that is to live with? Every time I want to piss in public I have to confront the fear of either going to the men’s room, possibly being spotted and confronted because I don’t always pass, or going to the women’s room, where I’ll get stares for my beard and shaved head, and then possibly get confronted. It’s a new burden added to going outside.

Sickening far right politicians are always doing this dance. Transphobia is the new homophobia, which was the new antisemitism, which was the new racism, and so on down the line. We are just the next subjugated group they can use to win people over, someone they can use to point at and go “don’t you want to feel superior to someone? Like you matter more? You matter more than these people and let me tell you why”.

And JKR? She kicked that ball into motion.

I know a lot of people feel attachment to HP still. I can’t stop that, but I don’t feel it anymore. They are the reason I learned to love reading but now all that’s left when I look at the series is the stain of the author. Of knowing that she wants me dead, if not actively, then by smothering suppression. If you came to me looking for a trans person to give you a pass to get the game, then I’m sorry, you won’t get it.

I don’t want to be a political issue. I just want to live.

[bokutosbiceps]

HIII!! I hope your having a great day…! I saw you take matchups but I’m not sure if your requests ar woken or not but I think they are—? Forgive me if I’m wrong anyways but I’ll take a romantic matchup for Soul Eater, Bungo Stray Dogs and Fairy Tail please ^^

So small introduction..! My name is Joey, I use he/him pronouns, im transgender aromatic unlabeled and bisexual, i have autism and adhd(diagnosed), and im a cool person 😎/hj My personality: I am a ENTP and I’m extroverted but I am awkward at first when I meet someone new so it may take me some time to adjust to the new person before I emote freely, my enneagram is a 6(not sure if that’s important BUT ANYWAYS—!), i usually love to ramble about my Interests a lot or just how my day went, I also like texting a lot usually as well so I make jokes like “UwU”, “hai”, or “I’m homophobic” (Bro don’t take the homophobic part seriously 😭), and lastly I also like to make sexual jokes a lot lololol only if I’m REALLY close with someone

Appearance: I’m 5’6, I’m white skinned, I have brown (now more boyish) hair, brownish/hazel eyes, and I shave a rectangular body shape (I also gained some muscles so nkw I can squeeze ppl plus I’m more stronger xD), i also wear a shit load of styles—! Like goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, and nu goth), gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, rokku, manba, kogal and tsuyome), scenemo/emo and vkei ouji and lolita but!! i wear that stuff when I’m doing social media stuff, at home, school, malls, etc, but usually I also wear streetwear stuff like baggy pants and usually anime shirts or a regular shirt

Interests/hobbies: anime/manga, gaming, cosplaying, art(drawing, painting, pottery, digital art and more), cooking, fashion, making clothes of my own, making/listening to music(I’m a vocaloid producer hahahah—), science/history, shopping, writing, learning new languages likes Japanese and Spanish and more so on

Likes: cats, hajime hinata (danganronpa), a silent voice, albedo (genshin impact), lemon demon, felix kranken (twf), bread, musicals, sharks, christmas music/christmas in general, scp 3008 (roblox game), get a snack at 4am (roblox game), hotels, and my friends!

Dislikes: negative mentions of my voice, comparing me to people like “you remind me of ___”,hate talk about my interests or myself, drama between friends/family, loud noises(yelling, vacuuming, etc), and spiders

Thanks!

a/n: i'm so sorry if these suck. this is the first time i've written anything in like almost a year so i hope you enjoy them LOL

bungou stray dogs

I match you up with Edogawa Ranpo! You guys are two sides of the same coin which makes your relationship all the more fun and interesting! You guys would have tons of fun together either learning about new things and Ranpo loves to listen to whatever new music you make or inspect any new art you may create! Ranpo especially loves your fashion sense and is often envious of how you can figure out how to put a whole costume together. He would especially love your sexual jokes because he also loves to make lewd remarks with a smirk just to see someone flush in embarrassment. Honestly, chaotic power couple right here, the vibes are immaculate.

fairy tail

I match you up with Mirajane Strauss! Mirajane is super nurturing and extremely supportive of whatever you want to do, she’s your biggest fan! She also knows a thing or two about putting together different outfits (she’s got all these demon equip outfits that are awesome and I just love them so much) so you guys bond over your fashion sense and your interest in cosplaying. Lewd comments/jokes will make her blush ear to ear at first but after you guys get more comfortable with each other, she’ll be quick to fire some back and start a battle of who can make the dirtiest joke around ;) She also hates drama between her friends and family so that will never be an issue in your relationship, since she’ll do everything in her power to avoid any sort of drama between the two of you.

soul eater

I match you up with Crona Gorgon! You both are just the most precious little beans and need to be protected at all costs. Crona is interested in everything you do and admires your many talents; they think you are the coolest person ever. They look up to you in every way and often ask you to teach them how to do things. Right now, Crona is the most interested in the music that you make. Music makes them feel happy and warm, no matter what kind of music it is, and they think that it’s just the coolest that you can actually create a whole voice! Please be patient with Crona though, they will most likely take quite a while to warm up to you, but once they’re comfortable with you, they’re never leaving your side!

[pumpumdemsugah]

AG is a high quality Canadian shampoo brand my stylist recommended because other brands aren’t always affordable here! And you didn’t mention it but protective styles also aren’t for everyone. I know they have a grip on black women, including myself at times but that doesn’t mean that keeping one style in for months is helpful. Going months without washing is a huge reason why so many black woman have issues with their hair because a dirty scalp is the root of a majority of problems for any race and simply washing will give you so much relief. Whenever I see those TikTok’s where women brag about not washing for 3, 5 or 6 months all I think is damn y’all STANK. I recently saw one where the girls lap was covered on debris and she wasn’t ashamed. Idgaf what anyone says, there’s nothing protective about dirt. It’s dirt styling—same with keeping wigs on for months like I know their scalps are on fire and the glue is now a second skin. Just nasty. I still get braids but for 3 weeks max and I wash weekly. But it’s rare these days because I actually enjoy my hair lol. That’s something I feel like a lot of BW don’t wanna admit, all the style puddings and growth oils and 10 hour methods are sometimes just ways to avoid the reality of our hair and what it can do 🤷🏾‍♀️

Ahhh thanks . Lmaoo you're funny.

Back in my forum days, protective styles never meant don't wash your hair and keep your scalp clean. Even when women were wearing braids for long they would dilute shampoos, put it in an applicator bottle and gently apply it to their scalps to clean it and wash their braids in a way that kept it neatish. Even with women on forums that used half wigs and lace fronts as a protective style, they would deep condition weekly or bi monthly and properly moisturise their hair if they knew it wouldn't be possible to get to their actual hair.

Also you might be fine with having 10 inches of hair as long is not for you. The one time my hair was 24 inches everything took so long lol but I kind of want it that long again lol

There is nothing wrong with turning up to the office in 10 large twists in a bun and a hairband if you want to feel fancy. That's what I do and some Black women I've seen around work.

I saw a comment under this stylist doing a 6 month weave for hair growth and this Black woman said, I don't care if your hair is healthy, Black women have got to stop doing everything to avoid touching our own hair. Your hair isn't going to get any easier avoiding it. Sometimes you just have to shave your head if you're that over your hair. My older sister hates doing her hair so she keeps it short

Get acquainted and let things go badly and when it goes badly, it's fine. Actually learn to manage your hair in a way that doesn't make you feel like you're losing your mind but to get there takes trial and error.

My protective style is a messy bun. My ends don't need to be hidden because my hair isn't that fragile, she just hates being combed. On forums some women would only have a protective style and actively try to grow their hair during winter and autumn and have fun in summer and spring when the weather is kinder. Or have one week on and off or wear their hair the same way everyday but they aren't fussed about styling ( like me lol ).

I can get going an extra week if you're busy but if it's months and months and there isn't a mental health issue, you're scared of your hair or have lots of negative experiences.

[bansheeakastitchy-blog]

"A Life in Pieces"

This is my story—the story of my life, full of struggles that shaped who I am today. There are parts of me that people never see, parts that are buried under layers of shame, fear, and confusion. But no matter how much I try to hide it, my past and present shape my reality. Growing up with autism, developmental delays, and constant emotional strain, I've spent my life trying to fit into a world that doesn’t make sense to me and often punishes me for not being "normal." From a young age, I was pushed to the limits—without understanding, without support, and without the space to just be a child. I still carry those scars today, and it’s hard to shake the feeling that I’m always running behind, fighting battles I don’t know how to win.

Early Childhood Experiences:

Strict Discipline:

When I was younger, my parents were strict and used physical punishment as a form of discipline. Instead of teaching me right from wrong, I was spanked for mistakes, which only made me more confused and ashamed of myself.

I didn’t understand why I was being punished, and as a result, I grew up without proper emotional guidance. It messed with my ability to figure out how to navigate the world.

Trauma Around Food:

One of the worst memories I have is when my parents made me eat something I didn’t like. I refused to eat it, and instead of being taught to express my preferences or understand why eating certain foods was important, my mom brought down my grandmother’s laptop that was given to me by her. She had my dad snap it in half as punishment for me not eating.

This moment stayed with me, and now, as an adult, I struggle with unhealthy eating habits. I feel anxiety when it comes to food, particularly vegetables. I think this moment may have triggered an eating disorder, such as binge eating disorder, and Unhealthy food habits.  I also stress-eat to cope.

Sensory Overload and Abuse:

There was another time when I dropped something in a vent, and my parents got extremely angry. They forced me to pull it out, but there was a bug in the vent that I didn’t want to touch due to my sensory issues.

My dad screamed at me, and I was forced to touch something I found deeply distressing. This triggered my sensory issues, and that moment felt humiliating. It wasn’t just the bug—it was the way they dismissed my needs.

Hair Washing

One of the most traumatic experiences I had happened when I was around 10 or 11. I didn’t know how to wash my hair properly, and my mom got so mad that she threatened to shave my head off. Instead of calmly teaching me how to care for my hair, she resorted to punishment.

The fear of having my head shaved was so intense, especially because I knew kids at school would bully me if I showed up with a bald head. I bargained with my mom, promising to do better just to prevent her from going through with it. That moment stuck with me, as I was left feeling deeply ashamed of myself for not knowing something so basic. The trauma from that experience stayed with me, and I’ve always felt pressure to be perfect in everything I do.

Teenage Years and Growing Up:

Struggling with Autism and Developmental Delays:

I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome around 10 years old, but I faced so much resistance to understanding my diagnosis, especially from my mom. She didn’t accept the reality of my condition and instead, would blame me for not acting in ways that fit her idea of “normal.”

Being a girl with autism, I often felt invisible, as girls tend to get overlooked or misdiagnosed. My mom never took the time to truly understand what autism meant for me, so I was left to figure things out on my own.

Grounding and Lack of Understanding:

As a teenager, my parents started grounding me for small things, like being on my phone too much, instead of teaching me how to manage my time responsibly. When I was grounded, I didn’t learn any lessons. It wasn’t a lesson in time management or responsibility—it was just punishment.

My parents seemed to take away things, like my phone, as a way to control me rather than help me grow. It made me feel like I could never do enough, and there was always this fear of never being good enough.

Becoming an Adult:

Forced Independence:

When I turned 18, my mom stopped helping me directly. I was left to figure out everything on my own: applying for welfare, looking for apartments, trying to manage my life with little support.

I was a mess—overwhelmed with everything, but my parents didn’t offer guidance. They expected me to know everything and just “figure it out.” This left me with poor time management, procrastination, and deep frustration with myself for not being able to keep up.

Living with Stress and Uncertainty:

I’m still stuck in a cycle of uncertainty. My parents constantly threaten to kick me out, take away wif, all depending on whether I do what they want. I live paycheck to paycheck, with no ability to plan for the future or enjoy my life.

They don’t seem to understand the impact this has on me. Every day feels like a battle to hold on to what little security I have left.

Ongoing Struggles:

Living with Emotional and Financial Stress:

My adulthood feels like it’s being stolen from me, just as my childhood was. I’m left to navigate a world that feels so isolating and impossible, without the help I need.

I often wonder if my struggles are even valid. I’ve been made to feel like my emotional needs and mental health are secondary, and that I’m just “weak” or “lazy” for not being able to handle things the way others do.

Lack of Support and the Pressure of Survival:

The constant struggle to make ends meet, the threat of eviction, and the ongoing battle with my mental health make it hard to breathe. I can’t even think about my future, because survival takes up all my energy.

I feel trapped in a life where nothing is ever enough—money, time, or emotional support. It’s like I’m living in a constant state of crisis, without a way out.

This is where I am now. My life hasn’t been easy, and I don’t know where the future will take me. But I hope that by sharing this, I can at least begin to understand my own journey—and maybe, just maybe, find a way out of the suffocating cycle I’ve been stuck in for so long. I’m not perfect, and I’m not ashamed of that anymore. But I deserve better than what I’ve been given, and I want to reclaim the parts of my life that have been taken from me.

[lesbionia]

hi! i hope i’m not bothering, i have a question but you’re totally free to ignore me.

though i definitely do not agree on the general radfem view on trans people, i’ve been informing myself about this ideology for a while now and have found myself agreeing with most of it. it has really opened my eyes about make-up and shaving and other issues as these. i was just wondering where should one draw the line? me personally i like my face much less w/o plucked eyebrows, and all the men i know also pluck theirs. i’ve stopped shaving my legs and all, but i can’t let go of the eyebrows, and though i’m working on being okay with my upper lip hair, i don’t think i’ll ever make peace with the eyebrow thing. does that make me a hypocrite? is it inherently anti-feminist to pluck eyebrows in the same way shaving legs and arms is?

i was also wondering about make-up. i’ve totally ditched foundation/concealer/conturing, and i try to go out w/o eyeliner and mascara as much as i can. but i still feel like i’m giving up a way of self-expression? i was always planning on learning eyeshadow and such. is there a way to do make-up w/o adhering the patriarchy? especially as somebody who is considering calling herself a femme, how do i understand what kind of femininity i’ve inherited from the patriarchy opposed to the kind i actually do like? and even if i do like it, can i do it in a way that doesn’t hurt other women?

also, still as a possible femme/fem sapphic, is it anti-feminist to try and make myself attractive to other women with clothes and make-up? because men are also going to see me and think it’s for them? and it’ll affect women who don’t want to wear make-up/dress a certain way?

i’m just confused about these parts of the anti-beauty/make-up ideology (which i totally agree with).

thank you for your time! there are plenty of radfem blogs i could ask but i wanted a perspective from somebody gay who had some sort of experience with butch/femme identities.

Hi! Not a bother at all, thank you for your questions. I'm sure some radical feminists will probably feel differently about these than I do, but I will share my thoughts and welcome differing opinions. 

Personally, I don't know that it's helpful to draw hard lines on these types of issues. I think it's very easy to get caught in the weeds and that detracts from more important things. Moreover, stressing over whether you're doing feminism perfectly is draining and counterintuitive; we want women to have more energy, not less. I think that even the most radical of women give into social pressures from time to time because shit is NOT easy, but we get back up and keep striving to make good choices for ourselves and the women around us. 

The reason radical feminists oppose the beauty industry generally has to do with the fact that it exploits women. It guilts them into thinking they are hideous and in need of fixing, then robs them of their time, energy, and money. So if you're focusing on rejecting harmful messaging and preserving your time and energy, I think you're doing many of the right things. I find it hard to advise on the brow situation because I do pluck a few rogue hairs from time to time and I set them in place with gel often, so I guess I'm not a "perfect" feminist in that respect either. But I have worked hard to embrace my natural (bushy) brow shape and I don't think that this one thing undermines that work or my feminism. 

I don't really know how to address the question of self-expression because I'm not entirely sure what makeup expresses tbh. If the expression you have in mind looks like conforming to conventional standards of beauty, then it's not really an individual expression that is unique to you. Is what you are seeking really self expression, or are you just wanting to see what the hype is about? I don't think curiosity about makeup (or most things) is a crime, but if you start doing makeup and it becomes a regular thing, it may get hard to stop if you receive a lot of positive reinforcement ("omg you look so good today, did you do something different?"). You also may start to feel dissatisfied with your natural appearance, which is something the makeup industry very consciously sets out to make women feel. Just things to keep in mind. 

As for whether there's a way to do makeup without adhering to the patriarchy, I'm personally not convinced that there is. At the end of the day, the buyers are still mostly women and the sellers are still mostly men, and the industry itself is built on exploiting women. Makeup is also not good for you (eye makeup can be especially damaging bc you're putting stuff near your delicate eyes) so I would not encourage any woman to wear it, even in complete privacy. 

Regarding femme lesbians, I do want to note that lesbian femininity is quite different than heterosexual femininity, at least in my experience. For instance, it's pretty common for femmes not to shave, and most lesbians probably wouldn't think of not shaving as being inherently unwomanly (whereas men definitely do). I also don't think makeup is an essential part of being femme, nor are things like acrylic nails or long hair. I don't look at my wife and think of her as less feminine when she isn't wearing makeup, and she has plenty of feminine qualities that I desire by virtue of being female. Nothing man-made is required to make me attracted to her.

On the topic of attracting women, if your feminist values and beliefs are telling you that the beauty industry is wrong (which it is, you're 100% right), then it's up to you to live according to those values and beliefs. Some women do prefer when women wear makeup and shave, but knowing that the beauty industry is trash, it would probably be hard to be in a relationship with someone who adamantly expected you to do these things. Not performing certain beauty rituals is not going to be the thing that deprives you of love, and living authentically to you makes it more likely that you'll meet someone who is actually a good fit. 

[rosethornewrites]

One somewhat freeing thing about burning out is that I’ve slowly lost my ability to give a fuck about bullshit societal expectations.

Oh, I’m pushing 40 and should dress professionally? How about I get rainbow shoe laces, queer shoe charms, and queer glasses chains and just rock them in otherwise professional attire? Also fuck bras, only wearing them when working and only because people get weird about it.

I should shave my legs and such? Sounds like too much work, no thanks. I’ll just also keep my hair short enough that it barely matters if I comb it, and anyway my hair does what it wants anyway so whatever.

I should be ashamed of writing fanfiction? How about instead I openly discuss the ways in which fanfiction is perfectly valid for a person to write, just not for my creative writing classes. AO3 won a Hugo and many well-known and prolific published writers admit to having written or still writing it. Yes, I write fanfiction, and I read it, too.

I’m meant to mask that I have a chronic condition that exhausts me? Nah, I’m gonna be open about it so others who similarly have invisible disabilities don’t feel alone, and I’m going to be honest about how I’m feeling. Same for mental health. If it makes you uncomfortable, walk away. I’m not censoring my existence for anyone’s comfort.

Oh, cursing is unprofessional? I don’t fucking care, boo.

And at family gatherings in my legal state, I’m just gonna bust out my weed pipe openly, because why would I hide something that’s legal and medicinal and keeping me from needing to go to a dark room and disengage for a while? The niblings have been told it’s my medicine, and they’ve accepted that without fanfare.

People are over? This nightgown resembles a dress, of sorts, so that’s how you get me. I don’t feel like getting dressed. Just go with it.

My cousin recently said, laughing and a little bit in awe, “[Rose] has no fucks to give,” which led to my mom playing the song “I’ve No More Fucks to Give” on her phone. Niblings love this song and sing along in a self-censoring way.

And I don’t. I don’t have the fucking energy to give a fuck about this shit. Maybe when I have energy I’ll care again, but it’s been trending this way since before the pandemic for me so I doubt it.

I’m not mean about it—it’s just that what you see is what you get right now. And sometimes I don’t even adhere to conversational norms. Like a new person came over to hang with roommate, and somehow I engaged him on how awful women’s underwear is and branched out from there to a myriad of different topics from racism to socioeconomic issues to just shooting the shit about life.

But the weirdest thing about it is that a lot of people seem to like the lack of artifice. What you see is what you get because I don’t give a fuck about putting on a mask to pretend to be a norm. The underwear conversation dude wants to come back and chat more, for instance.

My niblings adore me, particularly the toddler, because I treat her with respect and explain why I said not to do something like she’s a person and not in a patronizing way. I act like she’s a thinking individual with agency, just with a smaller vocabulary. The other niblings love my anecdotes and learning new words that I’m perfectly happy to define for them so they can advance their vocabularies, with no judgement at all.

Or we’ll be watching a show or movie they like and some obscure reference will be made, and I’ll explain it so they can get a fuller understanding of whatever we’re watching. Or one nibling can tell me how their geography teacher bemoaned not having time to teach them about gerrymandering, which is going to be on the test, and I can immediately on the fly give a lesson on it, calling up pictures of gerrymandered districts on my phone to serve as examples, leaving said nibling not only in awe but passing that part of the test the next day.

In eschewing the artifice of meaningless social bullshit, I’ve been able to function better when I can barely function at all, so I don’t see this changing until I heal from the burnout.

But I don’t think being like this is necessarily a bad thing at all.

[starshipviolet]

hello. some music asks: 30, 5, 11

hello!! thanks those are good ones!

cynda also asked about 5 so i’ll copy and paste

5 (A song that needs to be played LOUD): I don’t really play my songs that loud because sensory issues but the first Destroy Boys song I listened to and liked because it felt so cathartic and I was coming to the end of my rope at the end of a roadtrip with my family was I Threw Glass… (part that I would want to cw for but that’s hard on tumblr)…And Now I’m On Probation. Also I’m Gonna Tell My Therapist On You by Pinkshift has similar vibes for me and is so good. Oh wait also definitely She’s A Gun by The Greeting Committee, I love that one so much. Sorry, bad at keeping these short!

11: A song that you never get tired of: I think Better Go by Mal Blum. Spotify always recommends it in my radios and I barely ever skip it because it’s great and it was my top song on wrapped this year. I tend to get really fixated on specific songs and play them a lot so I end up getting tired of a lot of good songs though.

30: A song that reminds you of yourself: Rly Don’t Care by Chole Moriondo because it starts “Think I’m gonna shave my head soon/Don’t think anyone will be surprised” which was just very accurate for me at the time. (Now that I think of it, the same thing kinda happened with her song Bugbear which is about academic burnout and I got into it during online learning, so.)

[hbosscreations]

I love that you made him younger. Part of the tragedy of Noah is that he’s nearly a man by society’s standards, but it’s clear that he’s been treated like an adult for a lot longer. Even John is guilty of it, Noah drives him everywhere, Noah follows orders, we never really get to see him act like a kid. The closest I can point to is a panel in The Favourite where he reaches out the car window to play with Water-Wheel’s cats that she just apparently let’s wander outside of Grokk & Roll. It’s nice to get the visual cue of him still being a child, despite not even the artists treating him like one.

He barely has a face model, which makes me crazy. His jaw, mouth, nose, and eyes barely stay the same panel to panel, let alone across issues, and Aaron Campbell’s art style of keeping everything dark and shaded means that even if he didn’t intend to make Noah look like an old man, he absolutely does. While I do prefer the art in the issues done by Matías Bergara because I can actually see what’s happening, he’s so much worse at drawing Noah than Aaron Campbell if Noah is there at all.

I was CRUSHED when they shaved his head after Scrubbing Up Part 2. I understand why they did it, the same way I understand why they put him in that weird shirt that looked like the title card for Saved By The Bell, but man I wish that they’d given him some love and care with his hair. A quick google search won’t tell me if Aaron Campell is American or not, but it does absolutely have some American hair policing vibes.

Does this mean that sometimes Goldie follows Noah around? Man, the shenanigans! Teenage boy tries to get the little kid who thinks he’s neat to leave him alone so he can do teenage boy things. Instead becomes assigned babysitter. Noah not saying anything about Goldie out of politeness or whatever and getting the very wrong impression is just…chef’s kiss. He’s gonna take care of this disaster man and the ghost that haunts him. I wonder if Noah worries about Goldie wandering off by himself, he knows that demons are real, would he be concerned about a ghost’s safety? I’m all up in my feels about this now!

Oh man. So, I don’t know if anyone else reads it this way, but Noah only has one vocal sound effect in the entirety of the 2019-2020 run.

I’ve always thought because of this that Noah is basically incapable of making noise from his mouth, but I do love the idea of Noah and Goldie mimicking each other’s noises and learning to communicate that way as well. Goldie letting out an uneasy giggle if something feels wrong or Noah humming a lullaby for Goldie like his mum did.

I desperately want John to discover random sweets hidden around his flat and just being utterly confused by it. Did he buy these? Why would he do that? Why would he hide them? Is this a prank? Was he drunk? Meanwhile, Noah and Goldie understand the value of not telling John things sometimes.

I have been working on a rewrite of Marks of Woe and The Best Version of You, so I’ve been trying to make some in universe justifications for why these things exist. The biggest ones I can think of are ageist (how dare this child look at a phone instead of me?), ableist (how dare this person look at a phone when I’m talking to them?) or racist (a black ‘gangster’ is reaching into their pocket, must be going for a weapon!). I think all of those things can actually be useful if you’re going to address the topic, but yeah, it’s clear that the creative team didn’t care all that much about Noah as himself. They didn’t think about the kid basically at all.

Truly, I love your work, it’s always a delight to see a new post and I’ve really enjoyed your thoughtfulness toward the characters and how their stories could have been. You got me back into Martian Manhunter! It’s always a delight to find a new post, even if it’s a work in progress or a single drawing.

I am 100% a Noah Ikumelo stan. I fell in love with him from the very first panel he was in with the cricket bat, and I’m so sad that he doesn’t get more love.  There’s like, zero fanart, he’s in less than 10 fics on Ao3, and the only meta I have seen that goes around about him is ‘John shouldn’t have kids’ and ‘look at this ableist thing’ (which I’ve been super guilty of perpetuating). I have never loved a character so much who was given so little panel time and definitive personality.

How does Goldie feel about Noah Ikumelo?

(Tiny gold ghost plushie. Double naps.)

So!! I'm endlessly fascinated with cases of Chimera twins where the surviving twin has a child but ended up passing the deceased twin's genes instead of their own. This idea that they ended up living on in someone new when they never got a chance to exist? Amazing. I love twin science. It's like cosmic horror. Since John and Goldie are identical twins, their chimerism is essentially undetectable (identical sets of DNA being mixed)- but that doesn't mean a part of Goldie doesn't pass on genetically to Noah.

Speaking of Noah! Here's my take on him! I aged him down to 14 and went for a younger look (the artists couldn't make up their mind with what his face and especially hair looks like so I went with a combo of his hairstyles but also something new). Noah doesn't know Johnstantine is his dad- that's still a secret John keeps to himself.

tiny golden ghost plushie.

guilt ridden naps,,,