#but more than that i was afraid my teachers would make me shave. i was already pushing it w my haircut lmao

[dashiellqvverty]

tbh i don’t believe ppl who say they shave bc leg hair gives them sensory issues or whatever bc *i* actually get sensory issues from shaving so like. what is the truth.

[eonasrose]

How To Be a Teen and How To Do It Again

I’ve been needing a place to vomit some thoughts, so here I am, after years away. I’m hoping this will be a bit cathartic, so here I go.

Where to begin…Early life I suppose. I had a somewhat stereotypical trans woman backstory, I was the kid that told her kindergarten teacher my favorite color was pink, to which I got teased/made fun of by other kids in my class, and I was the kid who grew up wanting to be a girl.

The first memory I have of being uncomfortable with my body occurred when I was around 5ish, so pretty early in life In this memory. One day, while I was sitting one the toilet after finishing my business, I looked down between my legs. When I saw my p*nis, it bothered me. I wanted it to disappear, so what did my 5 year old brain do about it? I tried to push it back in like a button. Obviously I didn’t know why I was uncomfortable, I didn’t even know there were people that didn’t have a p*nis yet, but that didn’t change what I felt.

A few years after this, I remember going to bed one night, thinking to myself that I wished I was a girl. I don’t remember the circumstances that led to this, but what I do remember was telling myself I couldn’t let anyone know what I wished for. I remember, before falling asleep, telling myself that I would take my secret to the grave. I couldn’t have been older than 10, yet I already knew how taboo it was for a boy to want to be a girl

This brings me to my tween and teen years. I still remember when I got my first zit, I was standing in the bathroom at school, looking at myself in the mirror, afraid to go outside, lest other people see it. To put it in simpler terms, I was embarrassed, and unfortunately this would be far from the last time I’d be embarrassed by something puberty caused.

My facial hair was one of the first things that would bring about this embarrassment. I was so uncomfortable with the hair growing on my face, I didn’t even want to talk about it. For the longest time, I had these terrible sideburns and a patchy beard, that I was so embarrassed about, I couldn’t even ask for razors to shave. Shortly after this, my voice started to change, hair started to grow on my chest and back, and my bottom bits were no longer so small, I could push it back in like a button. Everything became impossible to ignore.

Of course, in my case, “embarrassed” is entirely interchangeable with “dysphoric,” though, at the time, I didn’t have the knowledge to recognize it for what it was.

Eventually I was forced to face the consequences of a testosterone fueled puberty. In the case of my facial hair, I was literally forced by my sister and my dad to learn how to shave. I’ve always been a quiet person, so my voice wasn’t a problem until I had to speak, which over time, became more and more of a requirement. When it came to my bottom bits, there wasn’t much I could do, and so I did my best not to think about it. For everything else, I just chose not to deal with it, and it stayed that way until I came out at 20.

The most notable difference between my first puberty and my second, has been the embarrassment. In popular media and our culture in general, it’s accepted and even expected that puberty will cause embarrassment, but frankly, that hasn’t been the case for my second time around.

I haven’t been embarrassed by a single change that estrogen has brought me. In fact, the only thing it has brought me is joy. My boobs are slightly asymmetrical and bounce when I do anything more rigorous than walking, I have a lot of fat on my hips, thighs and butt thanks to estrogen, I even have stretch marks because of it, and yet I’m not embarrassed about any of it. The only aspects of my transition that have ever brought me embarrassment, are things linked to my birth sex and puberty.

I’ve been embarrassed about my boob size, but that’s only because my chest is wide, which causes them to spread out and makes them not fit my frame. I’ve been embarrassed to change clothes in a women’s locker room, but only because of what’s between my legs. I’ve been too embarrassed to take pictures of myself, but that’s only because of what testosterone has done to my face. Lastly, I’ve been embarrassed to talk on the phone, but only because I can still hear the remnants of what my voice sounded like before vocal training.

Coming out has done nothing but make my life better, and in more ways than those I’ve listed, but that’s a discussion for another post. For now, it’s bed time. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

Bu Remiè.

[suckitsurveys]

Are you interested in any reality TV shows? They are definitely not something I seek out, but I can get caught up in them from time to time. Also, do competition shows count as “reality?” Like Legomasters and Is It Cake? Lol.

What’s your favourite thing to have on toast? Jelly/jam.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with at your job? There was an active shooter threat on the campus I work on and it was me and my coworker’s job to secure all the buildings remotely while also dealing with the fact that the threat was a block away from me.

Do you think being born was a mistake? I was definitely planned but I sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have been.

Do you have a large dog? If not, are you afraid of them? I don’t and I’m not.

What is something you used to always do but don’t anymore? I don’t know.

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? Yes. What’s your favorite hairstyle on the opposite sex? I love it a little shaggy.

Have you ever done a Mason jar craft? Nah. I usually use them to drink out of or store food in.

Who is your favorite photographer? I couldn’t tell you.

Were you shy in high school? Yes and no.

Do you wish karma were real, or are you glad that it isn’t? Oh it can be real.

Who are the cutest babies in your Facebook newsfeed? Barf.

Are your ears pierced more than once, if at all? My left ear is pierced 3 times and my right it pierced once.

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? They do not.

Do you actually love your parents? Of course I do.

Do you know anyone autistic? Yes.

How about someone bipolar? Yes.

Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Of course.

What was your very first pet like? I had two parakeets that were my 2nd grade class’s pets. We took them home for the summer and ended up just keeping them because the teacher who got them left. Their names were Featherbrain and Lucky. FB was light blue. Lucky was dark blue and name so because his lil feet were twisted around. They were very cute and loud lol..

Have you ever pet a cow, a sheep or a pig? All three.

What is the wallpaper on your best friend’s cell phone? I have no idea. The last time I saw Sarah’s it was a picture of her and her husband and their cats. I can’t remember the others.

Do you like your girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s parents? I do.

Do you like Polaroid photography? Sure.

Is there a friend of yours who curses nonstop? Who would that be? It’s me oops.

What internet browser do you use? Chrome.

What do you usually do to let your feelings out? Cry.

What was the last thing you uploaded/plugged into the computer? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh my headphones to charge

Are you participating in Project 365 (you take a picture of you/something every day of the year and post it)? I’ve tried this before and I failed haha.. Do you have a Flickr? If so, post the link. I don’t.

Do you think it’s dumb when a band smashes their instruments, or do you find it totally radical? Whatever.

Have you ever made a gif? If not, do you think it’d be interesting to make one? No.

When you feel uninspired, do you feel like you need to go somewhere to become inspired? I mean, it depends.

Have you ever lived on a university campus? Nope.

Do you play any games on your phone? Yup.

Have you ever shaved your face? Yes, I do often because PCOS is a bitch.

What was the last vaccination you got? Covid.

Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this favorite rapper? Post Malone. My current favorite is Chemical.

How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? Vampire Weekend. Hannah Hunt is my favorite, naturally.

Has anyone ever made a promise to you that they’d change? Who? Uh huh.

Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? I had my wisdom teeth out and that was not pleasant.

Is there anyone you’d like to apologize to? I’m good.

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? Not a whole month, no. Not without at least saying a couple things to each other.

How has your style changed since you were in high school? Eh. I’m still for comfort over fashion.

What was the last new drink you discovered that was delicious? I bought some Thai tea from the grocery store with low expectations but it was really good.

What is your favorite way your hair has ever looked? In terms of color? Blue with black ends. Style? My most recent “buttlerfly” or “wolf” or whatever you want to call it cut.

Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? Nope. I did have a teacher in high school who graduated high school with my sister.

Where’s the nearest GameStop near you? I have no idea. Probably the

What was the last thing you took a video of? A deer we saw on a walk recently.

What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken? Honestly, going to meet my husband for the first time.

Do you believe your ex cares about you? No.

What was the last compliment you received from the opposite sex? Something work related.

Have you ever been to an orchard? I have.

Who was the last family member of yours that died? My father’s cousin.

What is your favorite color for cars? Purple or blue.

Do you have any gay family members? Yes.

Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? It was both of us.

Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No, of course not.

Have you ever had crabs, turtles, or lobsters? As pets? No. Eaten? Yes.

What is your favorite type of cat? Torties.

What if a friend asked you to go with her to get an abortion? I would go with them, no questions asked.

Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? My husband.

Are you sitting in a spinning chair? I am.

Are you one of those people who will not use a public washroom? No. If I gotta pee I gotta pee.

Have your parents ever disapproved of the person you’re dating? No.

Were you raised by someone other than your parents? I was raised around extended family so to an extent, yes.

What’s the last chore you did? Laundry.

What is your favorite jungle animal? Do pandas count?

Is your father injured? Nope, and I’m always hoping he stays that way.

Are you part Native American? Yes. A small part, but it’s there.

What are your pets’ names? Friday, Ramona, and Sake.

Have you ever worked two jobs? I have not.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? My sister.

What are some of your happy thoughts? Kitties.

What are the names of all the dogs you’ve ever owned? Cosmo.

Would you ever get a face tattoo? Nah.

How much was the rent/mortgage at the cheapest place you’ve ever lived? $975

Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? My nieces.

What is the cruelest thing a person has ever said to you? Blah.

Who do you think was the worst criminal in history? There’s been way too many.

Which laws would you most like to change? Abortion would be legal everywhere.

Who have you most feared in your life? My brother in law.

What is your strongest reason for your opinion on abortion? Because people should be able to do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies. What one natural thing would you most like to see? Some national parks.

[mostly-hannibal-memes]

Hannibal Fic Recommendation List - Season 1

Season 1 fics

Back to Overview

Acidulated by emungere, AmSE Will asks Hannibal out on a date. It's about as complicated as he expected it to be. Words: 1121 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Fiancé Fatality by USS_Hannigram (uss_hilson) Will learns that Hannibal’s become engaged to another man and is determined to do something about it! Words: 3,284 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

The Substitute by Devereauxs_Disease When Hannibal tells Will he's sick, Will is skeptical. Before he knows it, he's laying in a hospital bed and being told he's going nowhere for two weeks. Will is distraught until Hannibal swoops in and offers to take over Will's courses at the FBI Academy. Will doesn't mind Hannibal showing up every night with a home-cooked meal, but he might just resent Hannibal becoming the most popular teacher at the Academy in just two weeks...Season 1 AU - if Hannibal wasn't such a MASSIVE dick. Words: 10,502 Chapters: 2/2 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Sleepover by EarthsickWithoutYou Set in Season 1, after "Fromage." Will is still confused about his kiss with Alana and seeks romantic advice on how to date and be more "smooth" from Hannibal. Little does he know that Hannibal is madly, passionately obsessed with him, and desperately jealous. Needless to say, Dr. Lecter is all too happy to teach Will everything he knows about love and dating. Words: 70,082 Chapters: 13/13 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

They made it for me by zombieboyband Alana wants Will. Will wants to want Alana. Will does not want to understand serial killers any more vividly than he already does. As ever, Hannibal has some suggestions. "I feel there is a high likelihood that you have not been entirely honest with me about your night terrors," Hannibal adds. "The true extent and depth of them." "Ding ding," Will says. "Would you say that your dreams when you are in the place of your killers have a sexual component?" Hannibal asks. OR: Will is manipulated into dirtytalking at Hannibal about the Ripper. Words: 8,844 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Intoxicant by Countlecterviii Hannibal takes his one day out to get trashed on various expensive Alcohol and Drugs and Will turns up, Hannibal is naturally submissive in this state. Based on a post seen on tumblr. Words: 1,404 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Sex Therapy by USS_Hannigram (uss_hilson) Will & Alana are scheduled to go away for a long weekend, but Will is afraid he won’t perform because he hates being touched so he asks Hannibal for some special therapy. Words: 7,678 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Feral Twink by trashbambi “I feel the need to card him.” Zeller stage whispered to Price, who elbowed him in the side though was clearly amused.“Ok what? Is it because I shaved my beard off? I know I look a bit younger without it but really, It’s not that drastic,” Will told them, getting annoyed at the attention.“You look like a feral twink.” Beverly said and Zeller lost it, bursting into laughter as he bent over one of the empty examination tables for support. Will threw him a disgruntled look. Words: 2,871 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

get over that hold out by amare Will's obligated to attend the annual BAU Christmas party. Katz wants him to feel like part of the team, Jack's just trying to indulge his wife, Price is going for the open bar--and Will knows there's no way Dr. Lecter would be caught dead at such a black-tie travesty. Words: 9256 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

let's hate what our love makes us do by deadratz Hannibal Lecter's patient, Franklyn Froideveaux, has been making unwanted advances towards Hannibal. Hannibal enlists the help of Will Graham to get Franklyn to back off. And because he may be kind of in love with Will. - Takes place during Season 1, mostly Episodes Sorbet&Fromage Words: 22,250 Chapters: 7/7 Rating: Mature Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

And So I Raise Me Up From Sleep by bendingsignpost Will should call Hannibal and ask for the last time Hannibal saw him. Except that isn’t exactly a landmine Will’s ready to walk over just yet. No, he should call Alana, but nothing says I want to be your stable boyfriend like I’m either hallucinating or sleeping with someone else. Words: 10,941 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Teach Me Tonight by sourweather Will Graham is...not exactly a Good Kisser. He's not a Bad Kisser, but he could definitely benefit from some lessons.And Hannibal is good at just about everything, so why would this be any exception? Words: 6,944 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

All Booked Up (Thanks, Sasquatch!) by USS_Hannigram (uss_hilson) Hannibal & Will go out to visit Garrett Jacob Hobbs’ cabin, but their accommodations are bungled due to a local Bigfoot convention. Words: 3,843 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

String Quartet Op.59 No.1 by DarkmoonSigel Will has to go to a FBI function cause Jack guilt trips him into it, so Will ends up bringing Hannibal with him. The truth comes out on the dance floor. Words: 6115 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Sandpaper by BonesAndScales Will did not trust himself with love. Love was never safe in his mind, too easy to corrupt, and then impossible to cleanse. The tendrils of his innermost desires—his innermost fears—wrapped themselves around it, slithered into its core and coloured it with violence, a drop of ink fallen in clear water. In which Will is a repressed sadist, and Hannibal is Interested. Words: 4,901 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Entangled by rodabonor There are times when Will lies awake at night and imagines going out to find someone who will touch him, even just for the night, but he knows it wouldn’t end well. Every human connection plays out like a crime scene to him and he can’t help but treat the living like the dead. Their eyes bare secrets that aren’t for him to know. So he stays home, and he stays alone. Will suffers from touch deprivation. Hannibal finds out and decides to help. Words: 6,164 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

F.W.B. by AVegetarianCannibal Will misinterprets Hannibal's suggestion and ends up with his pants around his ankles. Can Hannibal help him understand? Words: 1,384 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Not In The Stars by DarkmoonSigel Another different first meeting AU. Everyone keeps meeting Will Graham except Hannibal who makes unhappy cannibal noises about it. Words: 3400 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Some parts rotten by lecterova Hannibal is forced to reveal the truth of Will's encephalitis diagnosis sooner than he expected when it suddenly escalates into a medical emergency. However, he's not one to be discouraged, whatever events unfold; his plans are bound to go back on track one way or the other. An AU of season 1 with a suffering Will and an obsessed Hannibal. Words: 24,344 Chapters: 9/? Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

[barnesmurdock]

Paint-stained overalls.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Painter!reader

Summary: After months pining after his oil painting teacher, Steve does something about it.

Word count: 3266

Warnings: NSFW. 18+, MINORS DNI. SMUT, unprotected sex, r has a vagina and breasts but their gender isn't specified, fingering, nipple play, penetration, scratching, pet names (Honey), a hint of praise kink? Maybe?, Steve being a both a bit filthy and cute, Steve's infinity war look (bc that deserves a warning).

A/N: Steve shaving his beard in Endgame was a crime against humanity so I've decided he keeps the beard! This is my first time writing a non-platonic Steve fic so I hope it doesn't suck <3 If you like it, please consider reblogging and/or leaving a comment. It means a lot to me!

Masterlist

You were behind the counter when he stepped foot on the art studio Natasha kindly helped him find. His therapist suggested him to find a hobby, to put his mind at ease at least for a few hours. He already knew how to draw but, before the war he never had the opportunity to dip his toes into painting, being both colorblind and poor. So painting it was.

Your voice sounded soft and kind over the phone when he booked the first class. But he couldn't help being nervous. He felt he had failed the world and nowadays he wasn't expecting kindness when he went somewhere. It wouldn't be the first time someone on the street or in a store had let him know how useless he and the Avengers were, amongst other not so kind words.

You looked up from your computer with a smile on your face when the bell rang announcing his arrival and your smile didn't falter after recognition washed over your face.

It had taken you a moment to realize that gorgeous massive man, with his long-ish hair combed back and a full beard was Captain America. Apparently, he was looking better than ever these days.

"Hi! Welcome, how can I help you?"

"I'm here for the painting classes?" Steve informed you politely, approaching the counter a bit hesitant. So he was both hot and cute, okay. Alright.

"Oh, you must be the Rogers on my list! I'm Y/n, I'm the teacher." You offered him your hand for him to shake, still smiling. He had booked one session, which was a normal thing people did to see if they liked the way you taught, but you hoped he joined your regular group.

He gladly shook your hand, a small smile forming on his lips as he body started to relax.

He told you his name, even if you already knew who he was. You proceeded to show him around, explaining how things worked around there.

Ever since that day 8 months ago, Steve's Wednesday and Saturday afternoons were spent at the studio. At first, you'd spent most of the time teaching Steve, since the rest of the group was more advanced than him, but you would walk around making suggestions and answering questions the others had.

It turned out Steve was a fast learner.

That or he was pushing himself just to make you proud. Hearing your praises every time he impressed you was what kept him going these days.

He wasn't afraid to admit he'd found you very attractive since the first day, both physically and due to your gentle yet commanding presence. But, by now, he was certain he was absolutely smitten. Feeling his heart beating faster when you looked at his work over his shoulder, so close to his face, or your hand on his shoulder when you passed by his side, or when your fingers brushed when you took the paintbrush from him to show him how to do something and he forgot how to breathe.

Every time he finished a project and you asked what he wanted to do next, he thought about how much he wanted to paint you, with your paint-stained overalls and your bright smile and your hair always perfectly messy. But that wouldn't be appropriate, so he always chose something else.

What Steve didn't notice is that your touch lingered on him on purpose, that you looked his way every chance you got just to see how adorable he looked when he was concentrating or when he tried to push back a strand of hair from his face without staining it with paint. Martha, another student from the group, seemed to catch on your crush on Captain America, giving you knowing looks every time she caught you staring at the man.

And how could you not stare at that man. Steve Rogers. Always so gentle and generous, bringing coffee and being interested in everyone else's projects. So raw with his paintings yet so delicate. And when he seemed so serious, focused on his work but then he'd turn to add something to the general conversation that always made you laugh and your heart flutter.

But sometimes you just stared at him with anticipation, wondering if he would stay late again.

Another class had just finished and everyone had gone already. Everyone except for Steve, who always seemed to take his time packing up his things only to end up offering to help you tidy everything up. The first time he offered, you had opposed, saying it wasn't necessary and that you got paid por doing this. But Steve was nothing but stubborn, so he insisted and then simply started helping even with your initial protests.

It was actually nice being alone with him and you didn't miss your chance to steal a glance or two every time his muscles popped through his shirt. Some days he'd stay a bit more just to continue with your conversation and those were your favorites, when you actually discovered who Steve was and he always left you wanting to know more but you had to cut it before it got too late.

"Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the help and the company but you really don't have anything else to do on a Saturday evening? You don't have to stay after every class." You asked him while placing an unfinished painting on the drying rack before looking back at him. Usually you weren't an insecure person, but after weeks (months) of pining and growing affection you needed to know if he was just there to help or it was something more. But you didn't want to ask directly, in case you were imagining things.

"Believe it or not, I really don't. I like helping out and… If I'm being honest, I enjoy our talks after class." Steve confessed, holding your gaze with a smirk as he scrubbed paint remnants of his hands and forearms.

"I enjoy them too, Steve." You felt your cheeks getting warm as you smiled back at him. "Don't tell the others but... you're my favorite." You winked at him before turning around with another painting in your hands.

"I hope it's not just because I help you clean." He said teasingly as he walked towards you, drying his hands with a clean rag before resting it on his shoulder.

"You know it's not." You let your gaze linger on his for a moment before climbing a couple of steps of the ladder you had to reach the higher levels of the rack.

Steve handed you his unfinished piece, blush creeping on his cheeks as he looked up to you, following your movements as he let the realization sink in.

He's mouth dried momentarily, not knowing how to answer to that. So, it wasn't just him, huh.

"Then why am I your favorite?" He ended up saying, lowering his tone, noticing how the air shifted in the room.

You took a deep breath before you turned around to face him, shaking your head as you bit your lower lip.

"Well… you're a fast learner and you have a lot of potential… very delicate strokes… and…" You didn't expect to find him staring at you with that intensity and that made you so anervous this time you couldn't hold his gaze. You thought of yourself as a pretty confident person, but having Steve Rogers that close to you, suddenly intimidating yet his blushing cheeks giving you a hint of vulnerability, was messing with your brain a little.

"And?" Steve raised an eyebrow, getting closer to you. He didn't know where the rush of confidence was coming from but he was rolling with it, not letting himself think too much about it.

"And… you bring coffee sometimes?" Your voice fell to almost a whisper when you finally managed to set your eyes on his face.

“Right, the coffee.” He nodded with a small smile, looking down for a second to find the hand that wasn’t gripping the ladder, taking it in his.

“S’good coffee.” You shrugged a bit, nervously biting your lip again.

“C’mere.” Steve tugged gently on your hand, pulling you down so his lips could reach yours, tenderly kissing you.

It took you a second, but you corresponded, letting go of the ladder to snake your hand to the back of his neck.

He then let your other hand go to hold your waist as he felt you deepening the kiss.

You threaded your fingers with his hair, gently scratching his scalp while the tip of your tongue tentatively licked his lower lip, asking for permission.

Steve gladly opened his mouth, his tongue brushing against yours. He hummed into the kiss as his free arm wrapped around your waist, his other hand moving down to the back of your thigh to lift you up from the ladder.

Not breaking the kiss, you helped by wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his narrow waist.

Steve gently pulled away just enough to get some much needed air, resting his forehead with yours with a smile tugging at his lips.

"That's what it was, then." He let out a breathy chuckle, still holding you up with no effort.

"Shut up." You chuckled with him, running your fingers through his hair and kissing him again.

Steve leaned into your touch, his lips both passionate and gentle against yours while he tried not to smile into the kiss.

After messing with his hair, your hands traveled to cup his bearded cheeks, caressing them and softly tugging at his lower lip with your teeth, feeling his hands grip your thighs tighter in response. You both pulled away, staring into each other's darkened eyes searching for silent confirmation. Seeing the corner of Steve's mouth lift, you moved your hands down his neck and grabbed him by his shirt to pull him in, lips crashing against each other with desire.

Steve turned around and started to walk blindly towards the table in the middle of the room, where you had props for the students to paint, and dropped you there, pressing his body against yours as his hands traveled to your ass.

You left his lips to kiss down his neck while you unbuttoned his shirt, kissing the skin as you exposed it. Steve helped you discard the shirt and tossed it somewhere behind him.

His large hands gently grabbed your jaw, tilting your face up to kiss your lips tenderly while his free hand unclasped your overalls. You broke the kiss to take your shirt off and once you did that Steve reached behind you to clear the table, some of the props falling to the ground and making you yelp at the commotion.

You made him chuckle as he moved down your neck, kissing and sucking the skin while his hands moved to take your bra off before carefully laying you back on the table, his mouth trailing down with his calloused hands caressing your body.

When he stopped at your hips, you lifted your pelvis so he could take the overalls off.

After getting rid of your clothes and your shoes, Steve settled back between your legs and you rubbed yourself against the very prominent bulge in his pants for some relief, a small whine coming from your lips as he rolled his hips with you and hovered over you to reach your mouth.

You wrapped your arms around him, your hands stroking his hair and the back of his neck.

Steve's tongue found yours as he used the hand that wasn't propping him up to knead your breast, his thumb rubbing on your pebbled nipple.

He sucked on your lower lip with a small grunt, still grinding against you, before leaving your lips again so his would find your other nipple, lapping at it before swirling his tongue around it.

You arched towards him as you keened, the feeling of nails digging on the nape of his neck making him thrust harder against you.

He would've wanted to take his time with you, but his dick was painfully hard inside his pants and he needed to be inside you soon now that this was finally happening. His hand move down between your bodies and under your underwear, dipping his fingers between your soaking folds.

"Oh, Honey… Can't wait to be inside you…" he mumbled against your flesh as he started to rub gentle circles around your swollen bud.

"Fuck Steve...Then do it." You managed to say, your breath hitching at the direct stimulation, your hips instinctively moving against his touch.

Steve kissed your skin before looking up to find your eyes. "Soon… but I have to get you ready first." He cooed with a smirk as two of his fingers sunk inside your cunt. You were so wet he didn't find any resistance when he started pumping his curled fingers against your sweet spot, his thumb taking over rubbing your clit.

You two were alone in the studio, so you didn't hold back your moans as he opened you up, feeling the waves of pleasure take over your body.

Steve's mouth fell back on your chest, giving some attention to your other breast. You tangled your fingers with his hair, pressing his face against you as you felt the tension building up in your belly.

You felt him smile against your skin, followed by him adding a third finger inside you, picking up the pace.

"That's it, Steve, fuck I'm close." You moaned, digging your nails on his scalp, your body twisting in pleasure as you got close to your release.

Steve's moves didn't falter, he kept going the exact way he had been fucking you with his fingers when you said you were close, feeling your walls start to flutter around his digits.

He pulled his face away from the warmth of your chest to take you in as your orgasm washed over you, admiring how beautiful you looked coming undone under him.

When you came down from your high, Steve pulled his fingers from your core to suck the juice off them, humming at the taste.

You sat up to catch his lips, kissing him and tasting the remnants of yourself in his tongue as your hands grazed down his abdomen to palm his throbbing erection through his pants before unbuckling his belt. You freed his cock from his underwear, wrapping your hand around it and making him moan with your strokes. You placed a kiss on his sternum before looking up, biting your lip as you brushed his tip against your folds.

Steve grunted, his eyes almost black. He pulled your hands away from him and laid you back on the table, his movements firm and gentle at the same time. He lined his cock with your entrance and leaned over you again as he buried himself inside you, resting his weight on his left arm to kiss your lips, swallowing the whine that left your mouth as you felt the borderline painful stretch.

You wrapped yourself around his body, your hands running lovingly down his spine and your legs wrapping around his hips.

"You okay?" Steve asked, brushing his fingers on your cheek, nuzzling at your nose.

"Mhm… Just fuck me, please." You whispered in his mouth, pushing him to move with your heels.

"Okay, okay…" He let out a low chuckle, the hand on your cheek slowly traveling down your body to settle on your waist as he started moving, slowly rolling his hips against yours.

You pressed your body against his, arching your back and allowing his arm to wrap around your waist, increasing his pace as he moved your body with his. Your nails dug on his back at the incredible feeling of his dick constantly rubbing against your spot.

Steve keened, his hips snapping harder into you in response. "You have no idea how many times I've thought about this…" He confessed against the shell of your ear in between his labored breaths, making goosebumps rise on your skin.

"I think I do… we should've done this sooner." You said against his neck, peppering it with sloppy kisses. "You feel so good, Steve…"

Steve kissed across your jaw up to your lips, then moved down your throat before standing straight with a smirk, your praise only encouraging him.

Without slowing his pace, he moved your legs up to rest them on his broad shoulders, one of his hands gripping your thigh while the other moved to rub tight circles on your throbbing clit, the new angle making your eyes roll back from the pleasure starting to build up again.

It didn't take long for Steve to get another shattering orgasm out of you and you tried to hold onto something, your legs trembling in his hold as you moaned his name.

"That's it, Honey, I knew you would like that." Steve breathed out with a satisfied smile, his lips placing a kiss on your ankle while his hands tenderly stroked your shaking legs as you rode out your orgasm.

Having to contain himself while he felt you clench around him was almost unbearable as he was so close himself. He pulled out to slide his throbbing sensitive cock against your folds, pressing your thighs together with one of his ridiculously big and strong arms, his other hand still sticky with your fluids kneading your breast.

What was left of your attention was on him as you let him use you however he needed, you were fully spent but you didn't want to miss your lover's peak.

You held the hand he had on your breast as you let out small whimpers every time his tip touched your oversensitive clit.

Steve's gaze was locked on you, even as his eyelids fluttered from being so close, his thrusts erratic and sloppy until he finally spilled his release on your mound, the filthiest moan coming out of his mouth.

He then left your legs free, making them fall down his sides as you sat up on the table to cup his bearded jaw, pulling him in for a kiss.

Steve hugged your waist as you two lazily bushed your lips against each other's between smiles.

"That was… wow." You said out of breath not knowing what to say now, snaking a hand to stroke the nape of his neck.

"Yeah." He smiled down to you, his eyes shining with affection. "I don't know if it's inappropriate but… I'd like to take you out on a date." Steve asked with a hint of shyness in his voice while his thumbs draw soft circles on your skin, his cheeks warming up.

You threw your head back, inevitably laughing. "Steve, you just railed me into the table and you're worried about being inappropriate?" You exclaimed, amused by his comment.

"Yeah, well, when you put it like that…'' He sheepishly nodded, unable to hold back his own giggle.

"I'd like to have that date." You softly said when your laughter died down, pulling him in to kiss him again. "But we'll have to clean the mess you made first."

"Sorry about that." He mumbled against your lips before pulling away to get redressed.

After cleaning you up and helping you find your clothes, Steve started putting everything back in place with your help between giggles and confident glances.

It wasn't the first time Steve has stayed late and you two closed the studio but it was the first time you left together and hopefully it wouldn't be the last.

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song x (m).

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader   au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, romance, happy ending, jin has stubble lmao, smut; morning sex, oral sex (f receiving), soft sex, spooning, jin has a thing for boobs this saturday morn, everything gets so fluffy  words; 6,243

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)

When you heard the doorbell ring twenty-five minutes later you were up off the sofa in seconds, heart thrumming against your ribcage as you rushed towards the entryway, a nervous kind of excitement flurrying inside your stomach. Yanking the door open, you were unable to keep the smile from your face as you saw Seokjin stood in front of you. He was dressed in sweatpants and a baggy white t-shirt which was slightly creased. His hair must have been freshly washed, soft and fluffy on top of his head, but it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a while, hints of stubble growing along his upper lip and along his jawline. 

“Hi.” You were grinning by now. 

“Hi,” he murmured softly, stepping forward. Immediately you found yourself in his embrace, the familiar scent of his laundry detergent welcoming. You wrapped your arms around his middle, pressing the side of your face to his chest. You felt still, relaxed for the first time in days. 

Kissing the top of your head as he pulled away, he took your hands and let out a small chuckle. “I was halfway here when I realised I still had my slippers on.” 

You looked down at his feet, giggling as you spotted the blue slip ons. Linking your fingers with his, you gently tugged him forward. “Do you want head to the living room?”

He nodded, letting you lead the way, and you paused by the kitchen, turning back. “Want something to drink?”

“Water, if it isn’t any trouble.” He asked. Classic Seokjin, you thought to yourself, leaving him to sit, too polite for no reason. When you came back, handing him the drinking glass he smiled and said his thanks. You sat next to him watching him take a sip and lean over to place the glass on the coffee table. You didn’t know where to start, you had so much to say, but it seemed like he had been thinking his piece over in the car ride here. 

Exhaling, he turned to you with a serious expression. “Just before you say what you need to, I want to apologise.” He paused, seeing if you would let him continue, when you didn’t object he reached for your hand. “I’m really sorry for the way I acted Sunday. It was unacceptable and I’m really embarrassed you had to see me like that.” He sighed then, “I was just so... I was so mad that Nana turned up and spoke to you like she did. I let all my frustrations regarding Arin take over too.” He was staring you straight in the eyes, eager to make you see how sincere he was. “I never meant to compare you both and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” 

“Everyone gets angry, Seokjin. Don’t feel embarrassed because of that,” you told him. “It was just jarring to see. Plus it was all so overwhelming.” He nodded in understanding and you smiled and squeezed his hand. “I appreciate your apology regarding the comparisons though.” What was done was done, but he sounded regretful. “Have you spoken to Nana since?” 

“Yeah,” he murmured, averting his gaze for a split second. He sounded remorseful. “I saw her yesterday afternoon. She wanted to be with Arin this weekend so I finished work early and drove her there. Nana…” He stopped himself and started again. “I know why she was so hurt over everything. We talked it out a little. Barely touched the surface but things are headed in the right direction. I apologised to her.” 

“That’s good to hear,” you said. There was no good only apologising to you. Nana deserved an apology just as much, maybe even more. You were glad they’d managed to be civil and you hoped it was a step in the right direction. 

“I know Arin missed school but I called Principal Jung.” Seokjin was eager to explain himself. “I didn’t go into details of course, but he said it was okay.” 

“That’s fine,” you chuckled quietly. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. It was only one day.” How cute. You didn’t take your job that seriously. At least the mystery was solved though. You had stressed over nothing. He wanted nothing more than for Arin to see her mother, regardless of what his relationship with Nana was like. This extra weekend together meant a lot to not only Arin and Nana, but him too. Harsh words had been shared in frustration and anger, but he hadn’t lost sight of what mattered the most – his daughter. 

“I’m glad you talked to Nana,” you smiled, unsure how to voice all your thoughts. What mattered was he’d seen the error of his ways, and hopefully Nana had too. 

He nodded sternly. “I was out of order that day.” 

You grew serious too, hesitating before you said his name. You knew you had to ask him, knew you had to have this conversation, but it didn’t stop you from feeling slightly afraid. “Seokjin, why didn’t you tell her about us?” 

He closed his eyes briefly, shame written all over his face, and he let go of your hand to run a hand through his hair. It draped across his forehead instantly. “I made a mistake.” He was looking straight into your eyes again, chocolate irises pooling with genuine regret. “At first I didn’t know what would happen between us. It was all brand new for me – for you. Letting Nana know was the last thing on my mind, but as things got more serious, I just…” He faltered, gaze falling to his lap. “I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I was so happy. I didn’t want anything to potentially ruin it. 

“It was stupid, considering Arin could tell her at any moment. I just wasn’t thinking, I was being selfish. I understand why Nana was so hurt. I would feel the same if I found out Arin had been spending time with a man I didn’t know.” He exhaled deeply. “I took it all to heart because deep down I knew I’d done wrong.” 

You appreciated his honesty. “We were definitely in a bubble. I never even thought to ask if you’d let her know. I –”

“It’s not your fault.” He was quick to tell you. “It was my responsibility and I didn’t want to do it. I regret it now and I’ve told her that. I’m sorry to you too, it wasn’t my intention to keep you a secret.” 

You were quiet then, unsure what to say. You still had questions, still had things you needed to understand and as if he read your mind, he placed a gentle hand on your knee, tilting his head to watch you. “Y/N, is there anything else you want to know?” 

Your fingers picked at your pyjama pants, heart beating rapidly. There was one important thing you needed the answer to, it was a dumb question, you were nearly positive, but yet you knew you needed to ask it. 

“Anything you want to ask, I’ll be 100% honest with you.” He gently nudged, sensing your reluctance. 

“T-this may seem stupid,” you began, finding courage. He was Seokjin, your Seokjin, he wouldn’t judge you. However, you hoped what you had to say wouldn’t hurt him. He waited patiently for you to continue. You held his gaze. “You’re not just looking for a mother figure for Arin, are you?”

His forehead crinkled in confusion, his hand leaving your knee as he processed your words. “What do you mean?”

You felt a wave of panic. “I know it sounds stupid, but I just need to know if you like me for me.”

He watched you carefully, brow line now creasing in concern. “Of course I like you for you.” And then he took your hand, lacing his warm fingers between yours. You could see the concentration on his face as he tried to find a way to word his thoughts. “I’m not looking for a mother figure, I never was. Yes, I’d love it if Arin saw her mother every day, but I’m not trying to recreate it elsewhere. I was wrong to compare you both. Nana loves Arin, I know that, she’s trying her best, and you’re…,” he took a breath, “I would never expect you to take on all that responsibility. You’re my girlfriend, I would never intentionally put all that pressure on to you.

“Y/N, I’m Arin’s father,” he continued when you didn’t reply. “She means the world to me, so knowing that she adores you makes me happy, as does knowing you adore her. I always thought dating in my position would be really hard – that’s why I never did it. Having to trust someone that much to potentially let them into my daughter’s life, that was such a frightening thought. But it wasn’t with you.” His eyes were wide, pleading as he tried to make you see. As he spoke he used his other hand to cup the side of your face, you softened into his touch. 

“There were other worries too,” he continued to confess. “I thought nobody would want a divorced dad as a boyfriend. It’s fine, I understand it’s not everyone’s ideal, but with you it was never a problem. You accepted me and what my life involved and I’m not going to lie, that made me fall for you even harder but I wasn’t using you because I wanted some sort of permanent mother figure in Arin’s life. That’s absurd and it makes me really sad to know I potentially made you feel that way.” 

Your chest felt lighter hearing those words. Nothing like the tight, anxious mess you had felt all week. It was good to know your worst fears weren’t true. Your doubts, even though valid, hadn’t been needed. You believed every word he said. 

He lowered his hand from your face, sensing you were about to speak, and instead clutched the hands laced together in your lap. “Hearing those things you said to Nana, it made me… It overwhelmed me. Made me think that you’d been expecting too much of me this whole time, or like maybe you’d been searching for something I had no clue about.” You admitted.

You hadn’t liked being used as a weapon. It had made you feel horrifically guilty. You told him just as much, being as frank as you possibly could because he needed to hear it. 

“I understand,” he nodded. “I promise I’ll never do it again. All I can give you is my word.” 

“And I’ll believe it.” You told him, needing him to know something else as well. “Seokjin, I really do care about Arin. I’m beyond touched that she’s accepted me into her life but my place will always be different.” 

Seokjin frowned at that. “You are still an amazing person in her life though. She’s become so much happier these past few months and I can’t deny it and say that’s not partially down to you, even if it’s just a fraction of the reason.” 

You opened your mouth to disagree with him, he was being too nice, giving you too much credit, but he wasn’t having any of it. “No, Y/N. You need to hear these things. You make Arin happy too, and I think that’s a beautiful thing.” He felt you relax, smiling when he noticed you do the same. “I fell for you because of many reasons, and yes, one of them was because of how you treat Arin, but it’s not the only one.” His voice was soft as he began to make a list. You couldn’t help but giggle. “You’re sweet, caring, funny, beautiful – inside and out.” 

“You’re a real charmer, hm,” you teased.

He chuckled, but grew serious once again, giving your hand a squeeze. “You could have anybody but you chose me, the man whose life is overtaken by work and is struggling to be an OK dad.” 

“Seokjin, you’re an amazing father,” you scoffed. If he expected you to listen then he needed to as well. “You work so hard and you’re constantly exhausted but that doesn’t stop you from being one of the best fathers I know. You need to give yourself more credit.” 

“Thanks,” he said, plump lips tugging up into a half-smile. You really wanted to kiss him, it had been long enough, so you leaned forward, pressing your mouth to his. Gentle and chaste. When you pulled back he was smiling harder. You couldn’t help but join him. 

One of his hands lifted, weaving into your hair as he brought your face to his chest, the hand holding yours letting go so he could wrap his arm around your middle, holding you to him. You were both silent, content for a moment as you listened to his heart beat steadily. It comforted you, let you know that everything was okay. 

“I’m sorry if I put pressure on you,” he murmured, chin resting against your hair. “It’s just when the three of us are together it feels so right. It feels natural and I love that.” 

“I love it too,” you agreed, your face still pressed into his chest, your palm too. “But Nana is her mother and I don’t ever want to take her place.” You paused, slowly pulling away to look at him. “I want to make my own place. And I don’t know if that means being a stepmom so soon, but it’s definitely moving in that direction.” You’d had enough time to think about everything. You were more than serious about him. “I want a future with you, Seokjin. A future with you and Arin. You both mean a lot to me.” 

His mouth slowly spread into a grin, he looked and sounded unbelievably happy. “Do you mean that?” 

“Of course. I spent these past few days thinking really hard about us and what we were – what we are. I’m serious about us, and I hope you are too.” 

He pulled you into another hug, kissing your forehead. “I most definitely am, but we’ll take it at your pace,” he assured, “and Arin’s pace.” 

“And your pace,” you added, moving your head back to look at him, hands resting on his shoulders. “Nana’s too. She needs to be involved because no matter what, she’s still a part of your life.” 

It wasn’t about just you and Seokjin, you understood that now, and so did he. “I agree. I really think yesterday was a turning point for me and her. I want our relationship to be better for not just Arin, but you too. I hate that you had to witness all that.” 

“It’s okay, Seokjin. Please don’t beat yourself up about it.” He needed to let it go and move forward. You had already. 

“Listen, I, er, I’m…” He hesitated, serious once again. “I’m sorry for not telling you why we divorced.” 

Oh. In your happiness you’d actually forgotten about that. You waited for him to continue, wanting to hear what he had to say because it had been the source of some of your hurt. You rubbed his shoulders, wanting to encourage him as he struggled to find the words. 

“It’s complicated,” he started. “…Finding out Nana had been cheating on me was what triggered the divorce, but it had been over long before then. It’s… difficult to admit this out loud but for the longest time I was embarrassed. I couldn’t believe that she’d cheated on me – it was an ego thing. I didn’t care because I no longer loved her but at the same time it was mortifying and it made me very bitter.

“I didn’t tell you because you’d trusted me with your own story. I learned how cheating had affected you and my situation was completely different. I don’t know,” he sighed, unsure if he was making any sense. “I regret it now because I should have told you.” 

“I understand why you didn’t,” you said simply, attempting to process the huge chunk of information you’d just been given. “But I think, regardless of our different circumstances it still affected you in some way. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with being cheated on.” It had obviously left its mark if he was still bringing it up nearly three years later. 

He still wasn’t convinced. “But Nana was right, that’s why I got so angry. I couldn’t admit it to myself, not until this week. By sleeping with someone else she gave me a way out. I didn’t want to be the one who ended it because that would mean I was the reason for Arin’s broken home. To ease my conscience I could blame the breakdown of our marriage on her.” 

“Seokjin, that doesn’t make you a terrible human being. You need to let all that go,” you told him gently. “At the time you did what you thought was best for Arin. You thought by staying together it would give her a better life but it doesn’t work like that and you’ve realised that now.” 

You didn’t want to stick your nose in business that wasn’t yours, but you understood what had happened. By staying together they had become increasingly bitter towards one another and the result was still ongoing. There had been a lot of hurt and that would take some time getting over. 

You noticed the slight nod he gave you, a silent agreement. The sooner he accepted his mistakes the easier it would be to forgive himself. “I still should have you,” he whispered.

“That’s not important anymore,” you insisted. 

“It is.” He clutched your waist, his eyes glassy. “You shared so much with me about how you got hurt, and I kept something big from you.” 

You gave him a reassuring smile. “Well, I know now.” You weren’t going to hold it against him, it had obviously been playing on his mind the entirety of your relationship. “That’s all that matters.”  

He relented, kissing you softly, just once, unable to help himself. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking too these past few days. I talked to my therapist. It’s been a while. I’ve just been so happy I didn’t need to until…” Trailing off he gave an embarrassed shrug. 

“That’s good you got back in contact with her.” He hadn’t actually spoken about his therapist since your first date and you’d never thought much about it, but it was great that he knew to seek help when he needed it. 

“We talked a couple of times about everything. It was helpful.” He rubbed your back with a soothing hand. “I really am sorry my relationship with Nana is like this. There’s a lot of bitterness and hurt left over from all the years we stayed together. Maybe the truth is we should have never gotten married in the first place. We brought out the worst in one another until in the end it turned to hate, but I can’t regret it because she gave me my world.” 

“Maybe realising all this is the next step for some type of closure,” you offered. He and Nana couldn’t keep this up. They needed to get along for Arin’s sake. They had to try and salvage some type of relationship if they wanted to continue co-parenting their daughter – their world. 

“I think you’re right,” he agreed. “Now that everything is out in the open I feel so much better.” 

“I’m glad.” You leaned in to kiss his cheek.  

“So,” he hummed, sounding a lot more like himself, “where do we go from here?” 

“I think we just carry on from where we left off.” As far as you were concerned everything had been resolved. All your questions and worries had been answered. You were both on the same page now and you could move on together. “When I was waiting for you to come back with that salad.”

“Sounds perfect.” He laughed, wasting no time with kissing you, properly this time, cupping your face to bring you closer. You settled in his lap soon after, his lips soft and warm, each glide of your tongues making you realise that all you wanted to do was be with him. Always. 

“There is one change I’d like to make though,” he murmured, pulling away gradually, kisses becoming gentle pecks until he had the will power to stop completely. “I was going to wait until I took you to Paris, but maybe grand gestures don’t mean shit after I thought I’d lost you.” 

Your heart flipped inside your chest just from the look he was giving you, the sheer determination in his eyes, and the way he cupped your face firmly. You thought you knew what was coming. 

“I love you.” 

You were still speechless for a moment though, but it was okay because he was still busy confessing. 

“I know it may seem too fast and I don’t want to scare you away but I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you these past few months. I can’t remember what my life was like before you appeared in it.” 

“I love you, too,” you gushed, coming to. “Of course you wouldn’t scare me away. Everything you just said, I feel exactly the same way.” 

“Really?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed. 

“It’s not too fast?” 

“Not at all,” you shook your head. You’d been worried it was at first, but you’d been upset and scared. Now everything was clear. “Actually, there’s no such thing because I’m in this 110%.” 

He chuckled then, brow line crinkling in the middle. “That sure?” 

“Mhmm,” you nodded enthusiastically, hands holding the back of your neck. “Thank you for reversing into my car.” 

That made him snort. “It’s no problem at all, but,” he leaned forward, tone serious, “I hate to break it to you, I’m in 1010%.” 

You rolled your eyes playfully, ignoring his goofiness to kiss him again. Although this time there was something you couldn’t ignore any longer. “Oh my god,” you complained, itching your lips. 

“What?” He was very obviously concerned. 

“Your stubble keeps pricking me!” You whined. “What is going on?” You cupped his face, getting a better look at the situation. He did look rather handsome with stubble, you admit, but you’d keep that to yourself. “A few days without me and you forget to shave.” 

He raised a dark eyebrow. “Isn’t that a thing? When you think you’ve lost the woman of your dreams you have to start growing out a beard, right?” 

You snorted lightly. “You’d be there for years trying to grow out that thing.” 

He tutted. “Rude.” 

“But what, say that again? I’m the woman of your dreams?” You teased, pressing for more. 

“I take it back now,” he scoffed. 

“You can’t! You’ve said it now.” 

“Shush,” he laughed. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. “Stop talking and let me love you.” 

It took a single press of his lips for you to listen. 

.

.

You were slow and still sleepy when you awoke the next morning, gradually coming to, your eyes still closed. It was raining, you could hear the soft patter of it against the window as you became more aware, but you found it didn’t hinder the good mood you’d woken up in. Why would it? 

Finally opening your eyes, although with effort, a soft focus Seokjin came into view, already awake and leaning over you slightly. He smiled when you saw him, a hand caressing your hip. “Good morning, beautiful.” 

You smiled back, rolling into the side of his body, making the most of your sleepy state – and your boyfriend’s warmth. “How long have you been awake?” You asked with a small yawn. 

You didn’t actually remember falling asleep last night. After you’d made up (and you were done with all that kissing), you’d asked him to stay over. You’d laid in bed, wrapped up in one another as you talked about anything and everything before your eyes had started to get heavy, Seokjin’s voice and your own sounding distant in no time. And now you were here. 

“A few minutes,” he murmured, morning voice always an octave lower. It never stopped being sexy. You tangled your legs in his as he laid back down and realised his were now bare – he must have gotten too warm in the middle of the night. 

He cupped your face, wanting you to look at him. “I was using the time to admire you.” 

“Cheesy as always,” you chuckled. 

“Of course,” he agreed easily, leaning in to rub his nose against yours. “I woke up and thought last night might have been a dream.”  

“It wasn’t,” you whispered, getting lost in his eyes for a moment. 

“I love you.” 

With a soft groan you rolled onto your back. “Not fair, I was about to say that.” 

“Too bad,” he laughed, that deep morning chuckle you loved, wrapping his arm around your middle as he kissed your cheek. “You snooze you lose.” 

“I wasn’t snoozing.” 

“You were – and snoring. I heard you.” He was trailing kisses along your jaw now. 

“You didn’t!” You exclaimed. That was something you definitely did not do. “I don’t snore, take that back!” 

You attempted to wriggle out of his hold but he wasn’t having any of it, both of his hands beginning to tickle your sides. “Seokjin!” You shrieked, starting to thrust your legs but he rolled on top of you, caging your body easily. 

He stilled all movement and looked down, having way too much fun teasing you. “What?” 

Before you could even think to reply he was kissing you. Somewhere along the way last night you’d gotten used to the stubble, quite liking the tingle across your lips now, so you didn’t gripe this morning. Holding your face he trailed wet kisses down your throat, teeth gently sinking into your collarbone. You let out a gasp, your fingers tangling in his hair as you pushed against his body, eager for more of his mouth. 

His hands soon began roaming your body, slipping under your pyjama shirt to caress your skin. His fingers delicately traced the underside of your breasts, lifting his head up to kiss your mouth once before he spoke his request. “Can I see you?”

You smiled and nodded, watching as he started to undo the buttons with expertise. When you were fully revealed he looked at you with a grin. “Woah,” he stated simply. 

“You’re acting like you’ve never seen them before,” you giggled. 

“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure they’ve gotten bigger.” He mused, weighing your breasts in his hands. 

You snorted, mouth dropping open when he captured one of your nipples between his lips. His used his hand to palm the other breast, pinching the nipple with his fingers and you moaned, arching into his touch. Against your crotch you could feel him growing hard – rapidly. 

“Take this off,” you urged, tugging at his t-shirt. Your need for him was rising too, breathing becoming unsteady as Seokjin kneeled upright and ripped the piece of clothing off. You sat up, running your hands across the muscular swell of his chest. “Yup,” you nodded to yourself, “definitely gotten bigger.” 

He chuckled quietly – shyly almost, and helped you take your shirt off, kissing across your shoulder as he eased you back against the pillows. Next, he got you out of your pyjama bottoms, kissing his way back up your stomach and between the valley of your breasts as his hand slid between your legs, rubbing you above your underwear. Squirming, warmth flooding you as his mouth found yours, your tongues mashing together in haste, your arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. 

He slipped his hand inside your panties and loved what he found. “You’re so wet, honey,” he murmured, playfulness in his tone as he circled your clit with the pad of finger. His touch was so light it was unbearable and you whined, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. 

He circled your entrance next but didn’t enter, collecting your arousal to rub your clit again. You dug your foot into the mattress, raising your hips to get more. His dick was fully erect now, pressing into your thigh, but he was in no rush, fully devoted when it came to pleasuring you. Dragging your underwear down your thighs, you helped push them off entirely, reaching for him and pulling him into a kiss, although he didn’t stay at your mouth long, kissing across your chest and down your stomach until he met his destination. 

He didn’t get very far though, his hot breath making you wriggle about, thighs clamping around his head. “It tickles.” 

“Tickles?” He repeated in amusement, nosing your inner thigh. He kissed your bikini line, ignoring your feeble giggles. “I���m not trying to tickle you.” 

You held your breath as he placed a testing kiss against your centre, willing yourself not to squirm, but Seokjin took it slow, easing you into it, because your body had suddenly decided to turn hypersensitive in his absence. He continued to kiss your core, his tongue coming out to wash against you too, and soon enough you got used to the sensation. 

“Good?” He asked against your clit, the vibrations making you flutter. 

You nodded in reply, fingers of both hands reaching to tangle in his hair. He gave you a quick smile and then started to flick his tongue against the bundle of nerves rapidly, making your hips rise in shock as a moan drew from your throat. He gave you no time to recover, sucking on your clit now as he hummed in satisfaction. Body with a mind of its own, you spread your thighs, wanting to feel him even better. 

He got the hint, using his hands to plant your feet on his shoulders, legs bent at the knee to open you up even wider for him. He continued to suck you softly, the tip of his tongue flicking back and forth at the same time, the stimulation so glorious you were sure you had tears in your eyes. 

“Oh God, Seokjin,” you moaned as he pulled away abruptly, your head falling back against the pillow. You had been moments away from coming, you were almost positive. 

He moaned himself as he licked a strip up your centre, pushing your knees higher up your body, exposing your clit even more so this time when he rolled it between his lips your hips jerked around uncontrollably, the pleasure too much. You felt him ease off but begged him not to stop, sounding possessed. “No, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”  

He continued, his eyes on you as he made your legs tremble and you dug your toes into his shoulders, clutching at his hair. “You gonna cum, baby?” He husked. You whined in reply, hips rolling into his face with desperateness. “Give it to me then.” He told you, once again suctioning his lips to your clit. 

Your eyes clenched shut as you concentrated on his tongue, panting loudly as the muscles in your gut tightened. Your release hit you seconds later, lifting your hips up with one last burst of energy as he continued to work his tongue against your thrumming clit, your orgasm crashing through you in waves as you cried out. It was amazing, almost euphoric if you wanted to be dramatic (you did), your whole body satisfied and warm. 

Seokjin tried to ride it out as long as possible, but soon you grew sensitive, your hands detaching themselves from his hair to fall limply to your side, chest rising and falling deeply as you tried to catch your breath. He wrapped his fingers around your ankles delicately and placed your legs down on the bed before hovering over your body. He was just as out of breath, your arousal smeared across his mouth and chin, and you kissed him greedily, wanting nothing more. You could feel him rutting against you, attempting to gain just a little bit of relief, and taking pity on him you  cupped his erection over his underwear, giving him a squeeze. He groaned at the sensation, breaking away from your mouth. 

You started to rub him as best you could as he kneeled between your legs, watching your hand at work. He chuckled in disbelief. “You have me so hard, shit.” 

“That is my area of expertise,” you gloated, pulling his dick out of his boxer shorts. You ran your fist up and down it a few times, revelling in the smooth skin, thumb circling the head that was beading with precum. 

His patience was crazy this morning, enjoying the way you touched him so much he leaned in to kiss you again, panting quietly against your lips as you sped up your movements, dragging your thumb across his slit in a bid to spread his arousal. He hissed, jerking into your hand, and you just about lost it. You wanted him, no, needed him inside you. Right this instant. 

You looked him deep in the eyes, your noses practically touching as you gave him a squeeze. “Make love to me, Seokjin.” 

He broke then, unable to deny you or himself any longer. His underwear was gone in a flash, thick cock bobbing as he guided you onto your side, fitting in beside you perfectly. He wrapped his hand around your calf, lifting your leg over his to spread you out a little and then he angled the head of his cock at your entrance, kissing your shoulder as he slowly began to push inside you. 

You closed your eyes as you felt the drag, both of you groaning as he continued to fill you, his hand pushing one of your butt cheeks up a little so he could successfully bottom out. You stayed like that for a while, kissing one another, one of his arms hooked underneath your neck, hand cupping your chin, the other caressing your body, tracing across your stomach before softly cupping your breasts. The sensation had you sighing sweetly, pushing back into him and he couldn’t hold off any longer. 

He thrusted slowly, practically all the way out just to push back in, filling you up over and over. It was glorious, his rhythm eliciting moan after moan, especially as he played with your chest, rolling your hardened nipples between his fingers. You could hear yourself, how wet you were, and you rolled yourself onto your side more, pushing your ass into him in a bid to get more.

He got the message, speeding up as you reached behind and ran your fingers through his hair. He loved that, grunting as he spoke against your ear, “A little faster, baby?” 

All you could do was nod and respond with a garbled noise from somewhere deep within your throat, Seokjin’s thrusts gaining momentum as he started to pound against your ass, his laboured breathing blowing hot air against your cheek. One of his hands dug into the round of your ass, his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he growled softly, thrusts purposeful, unrelenting. 

“Let me see your pretty face,” he panted after a few moments, pulling you into him and cupping your jaw. You twisted yourself, half flat to his sweaty chest as you spread your legs too, letting him thrust up into you. Your breasts jiggled with the force of his movements, his tongue pushing into your mouth, kiss sloppy and everything good. 

His breathing got heavier, his movements turning slightly sloppy as he adjusted your body once again so he could kiss and caress your breasts instead. A hand played with the left one as his mouth licked and sucked the right, grunts falling from his lips now as he quickly lost himself. His thrusts got harder and his teeth grazed against your nipple. When you cried out, he loved that, squeezing your boob roughly, tearing another sound from your throat as your walls clamped around him, gripping him for all he was worth. 

You knew he was done for when he sought your mouth again, chuckling huskily as you pecked kisses against his plump lips. You felt his dick pulse, thrusts messy as he chased his end, and then he stilled, groaning as his orgasm hit and he started spilling warmth inside of you. 

He wrapped his arms around you tightly once it was over, hugging you to his body with even more kisses, both of you panting softly, enjoying the come down. In fact, you didn’t want it to end. Gradually falling soft, he stayed buried inside you and made no attempts to slip out. If anything, he was damn determined to stay there for as long as possible it seemed. 

“I love you,” you told him sweetly, sweeping some of his hair out of his eyes, still engulfed by his heat. 

He smiled, practically goofy, still drunk off your lovemaking. “I love you too, of course.” 

And then it was back to kissing. 

You had a week’s worth to catch up on, and an entirety more to look forward to. 

*BONUS*

You (10:25am) Seokjin came over last night, we talked it out and made up 😊

Soojung (10:29am) Finally! ILY and I’m so happy for you best friend! But thanks for the heads up, I’ll be giving the house a wide berth this weekend See you Monday 😘

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Five)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 12.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?) sad oc, mentions of sex, kind of over the clothes action, drama, heated dance session lol, slight memory of sex, hair pulling, back scratching, mention of boner, second chances (?)

Notes: Okay, first of all THAT 1st TEASER PIC!!! DID WE SEE THAT? *chefs kiss*. Anyway thanks for comments you guys leave I really love reading them!!! Remember to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) have a great week everyone!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

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May

Gloomy: The dictionary may describe it as hopeless and despairing but really it should just be a picture of your sad, sad face.

1 month…yes, one whole month has passed since you last spoke to Jungkook. No text, no calls, no random show ups, nothing. Gloom. Gloom. Gloom. Graduation came and gone so quickly…you walked the stage with your friends minus two but honestly you can hardly remember the event. You tried your hardest to be as excited as everyone else but the feeling of gloom stayed with you.

By the end of the month you finally started accepting he isn’t coming back and right around that time you actually heard from him—Jungkook that is. He sent you a pathetic text that he’s moving out and will be by to retrieve his things. More gloom.

The next couple weeks after that are a blur, you recall the sound of movers throughout your apartment. You didn’t have the courage to speak to him…you didn’t have the courage to even leave your room if you didn’t have to. You were so wrapped up in everything you didn’t even consider that fact that you will have to find a new roommate to cover the other half of the rent.

Every day just dragged on, every day a repeat of the last. Wake up, drown in black coffee, scroll mindlessly through your phone and work your full time job. You called in sick too many days already so you have to go or you’re at risk at getting fired. The same day, every day. The same gloomy fucking day.

Jimin tried to call or text every day to make sure you were like, alive. He apologized over and over for not telling you as soon as he found out about the Taehyung situation but he felt that if Taehyung was going to tell you then it is best it comes from him and not Jimin. You can understand that. He also frequently would show up at your apartment to surprise you but you rarely let him in. You did feel bad though, he’s just trying to be there for you.

Jimin 6:04pm

Please let me in?

Jimin 6:05pm

Well…I have some take out for you babe, ill leave it on the doorstep.

Jimin 6:05pm

Call me sometime ok? Love you

Guilt would consume your body but you just couldn’t deal with human contact right now.

June

Around month 2 you finally felt okay to see people again—your close people that is—aka Jimin was finally allowed in, he made you take a hot bath while he cleaned up for you and made you a proper meal. The amount of instant ramen containers lying around the place was by far one of the grossest things he’s seen. The shit that was growing…he shudders just thinking about it.

He would come over every day after work in the evenings. He left day time babysitting to Trina.

“Girl…all this over a boy?” she would constantly say.

You also tried applying for job after job, but the postgraduation life is harder than you thought…at least for you. Jimin landed a job as a kids choreographer, Trina starts up at one of the local elementary schools as a kindergartner teacher and you? You’re still working at the bakery down the street. You applied for many entry level positions in the marketing field but failed miserably in interviews…which only further discouraged you and worsened your mood.

It was also around this time you decided to finally delete Jungkook off all social media and block his number. You refuse to hear from him at this point…not that he was reaching out or anything. You wonder what he’s up to postgraduation? No, you don’t want to know or care. You considered hanging up a picture of his face on your wall so you could throw darts at it but you decided that was maybe on the crazy side. Taehyung sends you weekly texts, asking about how your day/week is going. He updates you on his life as well, apparently he got the curator assistant position at the museum that he wanted. You still feel hurt over everything but you are happy for him. It’s funny, you feel so betrayed over that but Jungkook is the cause of your gloom.

Every day just drags on, you feel heavy everywhere you go. Even when you’re just at home in bed.

By the end of the month your friends somehow convinced you to go on a date—a horrible date at that.

He was awkward as hell, a bad kisser and would lightly…tap your ass in attempt to be sexy. It was a disaster, you don’t even remember what the two of you even talked about at dinner. You just remember his tongue being horribly shoved down your throat and his weird ass tapping habit.

July

Then month 3 finally came around. A month where the weeks went by breathing became just a bit easier. Yes, any and everything still reminded you of Jungkook but it didn’t hurt as terribly as the previous months. By the end of the month you even agreed to your first real social outing. You are hesitant, but you agreed…

“I don’t know guys…a birthday party? We like, don’t even know the girl?” you frown, nibbling on the flesh of your bottom lip.

You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, clothes piling all around you as you try to decide on what to wear.

“You need to get out babe…plus it’s a friend of a friend, so it’s cool.” Jimin says holding up a rose colored crop top, motioning for you to nod yes or no to his suggestion. You cock your head to the side, deciding what pants to go with it.

“I have to say I agree with Jimin, y/n.” your new roommate Holly chips in, “Since I’ve moved in I don’t think I’ve seen you go out even once.”

“Also a party is the best place to find some easy dick.” Of course that’s what Trina has to offer.

“Yes to the crop top Jimin.” You point your head towards the shirt, “Okay don’t have to call me out like that Holly.” You glare at your roomie, “And Trina, we both know I ain’t ready for no type of dick.”

“So we’re looking for some pussy tonight?” Trina smirks, “Nice.”

You rolls your eyes, a chuckle escaping your lips, “Shut up.” you throw a pair of shorts at her face.

“But seriously y/n…Maybe Trina is on to something…” Jimin sits down next to you, crossing his legs in front of him, “Maybe this is a good chance to like—”

“If you say move on I will literally kill you.” You cut in, “There’s nothing to move on from!” you throw your hands up dramatically. “Taehyung used me, Jungkook wants nothing to do with me. And—”

“Then why aren’t you ready for any type of dick?” Holly puts in her 2 fucking cents.

“Because I don’t want to be associated with any boys! Jimin is the exception.”

“Somehow I don’t feel flattered by that…” Jimin puts a hand on your shoulder.

“When’s the last time you got off?” Trina abruptly asks. You turn your head in shock at her shamelessness.

“Trina!”

“Answer her, I’m curious too.” Jimin squints at you trying not to laugh.

“It’s…” your eyes slide to the side, “It’s been a while.”

Trina shakes her in disapproval, “Damn girl, really? My fingers constantly playing DJ, you know what I’m sayin?” Trina goes in for a fist bump but you just push her hand away.

“You’re gross.” You laugh out loud, and it sounds like music to everyone’s ears.

“I’m just real babey.” She flicks her hair back with a proud smile on her face.

Having these 3 around has no doubt helped you deal with the loss you feel. You feel like you are still mourning the dead. How’s Jungkook even doing? You’re too afraid to ask Jimin. Too afraid that he’s doing amazing without you. He must of realized how much better off he is without you around and that makes you feel small.

“Fine…” you mutter under your breath…Jimin snaps his head to look at you, his sly smile growing as he watches you fiddle with a short mini skirt.

“Fine what?” Trina asks with a smirk.

“Let’s find me some dick tonight.”

“Hell fucking yeah.” Jimin claps his hands together, “Tonight is about you!”

“y/n makes her debut tonight! She’s hot, she’s single and she is ready to mingle!”

You can’t help but giggle, your hands bunching up the material of the mini skirt as you look down at it, making your decision.

“Let me get ready and we can get this night started!” you rush to your feet, all the sudden feeling excited for tonight. You are going to actually do your hair and your makeup—you even shaved. You are definitely breathing easier tonight and you have to take advantage of that!

“Let’s do shots as we wait girlies,” Holly shows a bottle of rum she had hiding behind her back, shaking it in excitement.

“Naughty girl.” Jimin winks, standing to his feet, heading towards the kitchen to grab some shot glasses.

You get ready quickly, but taking your time where it counts. You give yourself a once over in the mirror and you have to say you are impressed. Your black jean mini skirt sits right below your ass, while your tits pop in this rose crop top. You wear short heels, and simple jewelry with just the right amount of makeup that makes your features stand out, and you have to say you would kiss yourself if you could—you look fucking good.

“woooooo” Jimin and Trina whistle out at the same time as they walk back in your bedroom.

“I’d fuck.” Jimin says plainly.

“Same as fuck.” Trina says bluntly as she swallows down a shot.

“Yeah you look pretty y/n!” Holly smiles, not really on the same level of honestly as your other two friends.

You burst into giggles, throwing your head back in approval. “Thanks guys…..Lets fucking do this.” You walk towards Trina and grab her shot glass, and you take the bottle from Holly, pouring yourself a shot.

“Ready to fucking mingle.” You gulp down the rum, the burn only encouraging you, the warmth stinging your entire chest and you couldn’t feel more content.

This house was one of the bigger ones, it was full of people and more people and like, more people. You managed to swallow down 3 or 4 shots back at your apartment and the alcohol is definitely working its magic on you, the world just a little nicer.

The amount of people doesn’t even bother you like it usually would, instead you find yourself barging through the front door and making your way to the dance floor with your 3 friends trialing behind you.

The heat of the living room is already intoxicating you, the amount of bodies rolling and grinding makes you feel loose and free. Before you know it Jimin is pushing a drink into your hands and you hug him gratefully as you begin chugging it back.

“Woah slow down, we have all night—actually fuck it, I like your spirit tonight!” he chuckles lightly, his hands going to your waist, rocking you to the beat of the blaring music. Trina and Holly disappear into the kitchen to grab more drinks while you and Jimin dance to whatever b…t…ah, forget it, you forgot the band’s name.

“Are you having fun?” Jimin slurs out, his eyes barely visible as he laughs at nothing.

“So much fun!” you yell out over the music then you lean down into his ear and whisper, “Thanks so much Jiminie…I know I was a little difficult…”

“A little?” he teases.

Jimin’s eyes travel behind you before they are widening. You notice, of course. You are about to turn your head to take a look at whatever he is seeing when his snaps back to you in panic, his troubled smile growing.

“Let’s go find Trina and Holly, yeah?” he tries to usher you toward the kitchen and you oblige. Too drunk and feeling too good that his odd behavior goes ignored by you.

“Kay!” you smile, hooking your arm with his. “Letsa go!” you say like you’re fucking Mario.

The two of you walk to the kitchen, finding Trina and Holly playing a game of beer pong with two random guys.

“Hello my bitches!” Trina hollers over the thumping bass, as she scores a cup of pong, her other hand on Hollys lower back.

“Wait, gotta use the bathroom, be right back!” you slur into Jimin’s ear, he just nods distractedly as he watches the game, laughter erupting his body for probably no drunken reason.

You walk back into the living room and start heading towards the other side where the bathroom is. The journey to the bathroom is fun, you accidently bump into a lot of people but they don’t seem to mind as they will just drunkenly smile at you and you would smile back in your own drunken daze. You skim the room with a dopey smile on your face, just admiring the crowd. You are shocked with yourself…you missed people and you cannot believe it. You continue to observe when your eyes land on tattooed hands. The hands are grabbing a handful of ass on the dance floor. You know these hands. Your eyes travel from his hands to his strong arms to his face…it is hiding in the nook of some girls neck and you feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Jungkook.

He is kissing on some girl, no doubt leaving bruises behind from his attack on her neck. His hands cupping this girls ass so tightly, he guides her hips into his. You watch as she throws her head back in pleasure and you see him smirk. All his signature moves. You are left speechless. What could you even say? Why does this hurt? Why does this make you feel fucking sick? Why does it feel like you aren’t supposed to be witnessing this? Well, you know why but god, why?!

“y/n!!” It’s Jimin, jogging up behind you, “Fuck, I was trying to avoid you seeing this…” he admit softly, “I swear I didn’t think he was going to be here tonight…he didn’t seem that interested when I asked him about it…”

“It’s fine Jimin…” you mumble.

“Does it feel weird? Seeing him with this girl…?” Jimin is obviously trying to get you to admit something right now but you are not in the right head space to even give it a second thought.

“Why should it? Plus I’m used to this…she’s just some random girl for one night.” You twirl the ends of your hair between your fingers.

“Oh babe…” Jimin glances down at the ground, “This girl…she…he’s brought her to every party for the last month…” Jimin sounds as sorry as you feel.

The same girl? That’s impossible, you scoff. There’s no way Jungkook is actually seeing someone. But that doesn’t stop your stomach from twisting and turning and making you feel fucking sick.

“What do you mean?” you finally slur out, leaning your frame on Jimin.

“He brings her and they leave together too…” Jimin holds on to you, “I haven’t really asked him about her though.”

“Whatever. Fuck him, right? I won’t let this ruin my night.” You smile coyly, draping your arms around your friend. “Bathroom please.” You pout theatrically, pointing your head towards the bathroom.

“Okay let’s get you peeing in peace.” Jimin laughs, guiding you towards the door.

Once at the door, you knock a couple times to find that it is empty, “I’ll wait for you out here.” Jimin assures you.

Once inside the small room, you bunch up your skirt and pull down your panties, squatting on the toilet. You sigh in relief as you pee, but the relief you feel in your body stops when you recall the way Jungkook held and kissed this random but not so random girl.

Why should it bother you? It’s about time Jungkook got serious! But why did he have to dump you to achieve that? And why did It have to be with someone el…

You reach for the toilet paper, ripping it after a few sheets and wipe yourself as you drunkenly sing a tune. So what? You can easily replace Jungkook too!

You stand up, pulling your panties up and your skirt down and take a long good look in the mirror. Your hair is still intact, your makeup is only a little smeared—quick fix, and your tits are still poppin’. This night is just beginning, you decide. A whole new wave of confidence begins washing over you.

“Ready!” You pounce on Jimin’s back, he stumbles forward while laughing wholeheartedly.

“Should we look for Trina and Holly again? They’re probably still playing beer pong!”

“Sure.” You smile, walking hand in hand with Jimin as you make your way back to the kitchen.

Hours pass and you are now outside on the back porch piss drunk with your 3 friends and a couple new friends. Nick and his pal that you can’t remember the name of—but you remember Nick. He’s really tall and has nice muscles covering his body, his light hair is messy and looks like you would have fun pulling it.

“And that’s why I think aliens are already here bro, like they are probably here at this fucking party bro.” No name friend finishes his point. Nick holds in his chuckle as his drunk friend rambles.

“Totally bro.” Then his eyes land on you. Fuck, were you staring? Oh well, it’s best to get to the point. You two have been making eyes at each other all night and it’s time to make the next move.

“Hey Nick, wanna grab a drink with me in the kitchen?” you inquire with a sly smile.

Jimin’s eyes widen before he’s smirking “Don’t be silly, wrap that willy.”

Trina and Holly laugh at Jimin’s words while you turn fucking red with embarrassment.

“Sorry about him…” You excuse Jimin, but you continue to smile slyly.

Nick grins with all his teeth as he takes your hand and leads you back inside the house. His hand is much larger than yours and you are already imagining what his beefy fingers will do to your vagina. God, what’s his dick like???

You enter the kitchen and you and him walk towards the cooler full of beers, he lets you stand to the side as he goes to grab them.

“Nick!!!!” you hear a familiar voice and you wince. Jungkook stands next to the cooler, his hand wrapped around the girls hand, but he briefly lets go of it to dap up your fuck for the night.

“What’s up bro!” Nick returns the handshake, a wide smile on his face.

They know each other?

“I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?” Jungkook’s hand goes back to holding on to the girl.

“I wasn’t going to but,” he nods towards you, “Glad I did.” He winks. Jungkook’s eyes follow Nicks nod and when he sees you stand there awkwardly he goes completely pale. Your eyes meet uncomfortably, Jungkook let’s go of the girls hand without a second thought.

“y/n?” he questions with a pained expression.

“You know her?” Nick asks, totally out of the loop.

You shift from one foot to the other, not really sure what to do or say. So you settle for his name. “Jungkook.” It feels foreign on your tongue. Like if you said it 3 times in a mirror a sinister ghost would come to murder you.

Jungkook opens his mouth then closes it then opens it then closes it again.

“Baaaaabe,” the girl next to him whines, “let’s get out of here already.” She says, not even acknowledging your existence.

Jungkook shamelessly eyes you up and down, his shock is very evident as he looks at you.

You can’t help but smile a little, knowing you look damn good.

“Let’s go too, Nick.” You saunter to his side, grabbing a hold of his bicep.

That’s when Jungkook knocks out of daze, his brows crease as he looks between the two of you.

“Wait—you and Nick?” he asks, completely amused.

“Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Jungkook looks fucking smug as he smiles, his hand going to grab the girls hand again. “See you later?” he asks you. You of all people! “Uh? Probably not?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Jungkook winks, turning around to leave as he leads his girl out.

Nick just continues to smile, completely oblivious, “So cool that we all know each other!” he grips on to your waist.

“Wait, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We—”

“Wait, it honestly doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.”

“My place?” Nick breathes into your ear, he pushes your hips into his crotch so you can feel his half hard cock.

“Why are you already getting hard?” you tease, leaning up to kiss his neck.

“Honestly, I can’t stop staring at your tits. And I am imagining all the things I want to do to them.” He confesses hotly.

The uber ride to his place is short, only 10 minutes and it goes by quickly as you two have one another’s tongues down each others throats. His hands traveling all around your body, he even manages to slip his fingers past your panties to feel how wet you are.

“Fuck I can’t wait to get you inside…” his rapid breaths fan across your face as you nibble on his neck.

“Gonna fuck me?” you whisper quietly, not trying to get heard by the Uber driver, but you could also hardly care if he hears you or not, he gets 5 stars.

“Want you to ride me.” He palms his cock through his pants as he imagines you bouncing on his cock for him.

“If you deserve it like a good boy.” You replace his hand with your own, rubbing him ferociously over his jeans. You haven’t felt dick in months and the feeling is driving you absolutely wild, you haven’t felt this needy in a long time.

The Uber comes to a stop, parking in front of an apartment building. He lets the two of you know you reached your destination. You and Nick giggle as you thank him and stumble out of the car as you follow him to his apartment. He would stop every few seconds to plant kisses on your lips and grab your ass with a tight squeeze. He groans and rolls his eyes back as he explores your body.

“Wait til we’re inside,” you breathe out, your voice silky as hell.

Finally, after a short, kiss filled elevator ride later you arrive at his front door. His lips never leaving yours as he pulls out his keys, fumbling with them until he finds the right one.

He pulls away for a second to unlock the door and desperately pushes it open to let the two of you inside. Your lips are already back on his as you two trip into the entry way of the apartment, you walk him backwards, until his back is against a wall.

The apartment is dark besides the living room TV, you take a second to pull back and admire Nick’s fucked out expression, the blue glow of the TV making everything feel surreal.

You dive back in to kiss him, he prods his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around with yours making you moan into his mouth.

“Hi guys!”

Your eyes shoot open, mouth still attached to Nicks. You push your head back, disconnecting from Nick and yank your head to the left where you see a wild Jungkook sitting on the living room sofa, his mouth full of the cereal he is eating. He is wearing the most shit eating grin you have ever seen on him.

“Jungkook?! What the fuck?” You spit out, totally fucking shocked. Like, obviously.

“Hey man…” Nick breathes out heavily, trying to speak properly, “I thought you would be at Vanessa’s tonight?”

“Nah,” Jungkook smiles, “Dropped her off and came home.”

HOME?

“H-Home?” You look between the two guys, what the fuck does he mean by that. This is Nicks place, right?

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jungkook nods his head toward Nick, “Nick here is my beloved roommate.”

“What the fuck…” you mutter under your breath, trying to understand the mother fucking situation. Were you about to fuck Jungkook’s roommate? Are you still going to is the real question?

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Nick starts to look antsy, “Don’t tell me she’s one of the girls you’ve fucked…come on bro, leave some for the rest of us.” He chuckles somewhat bitterly.

“No!” you’re quick to say. You begin smoothing out your skirt, then your hair. “We just…”

“y/n is my bestie!” Jungkook grins, putting the cereal down and standing up. He walks forward until he is making a triangle with you and Nick.

“Was.” You spit out harshly, crossing your arms across your chest. Nick just stands there confused as hell, looking between the two of you.

“Anyway, I should get going.” You turn your body to Nick, a look of apology on your face.

“What? We can just go to my room?” he slurs, tugging on his pants uncomfortably, his boner still apparent.

“Sorry, no longer in the mood.”

You pull out your phone to order an Uber when Jungkook takes your phone from you.

“I’m not drunk, I can drive you.” He offers. You push your head back in disbelief, how does Jungkook have the AUDACITY to offer that to you?

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“So we can…” His eyes slide over to the ever growing confused Nick, “Talk.”

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 3 months and today is finally the day you are able to breathe a little easier and he just has to barge back in.

“Like I said,” You snatch your phone back from him, “Why the fuck would I want that?”

Nick shifts around uncomfortably, his eyes darting from you to Jungkook.

“Well, I am gonna head to my room…uh, bye y/n…it was nice meeting you…I guess…”

You and Jungkook both turn your heads toward Nick at the same time, eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Yeah, bye.” Jungkook dismisses his roommate, his jaw clenching.

“Nice to meet you too…”

Nick walks backward until his back meets his bedroom room, he looks at the two of you one last time before turning around to disappear into his room.

“I said, let me drive you home.”

“And I said, why the fuck would I want that?”

“y/n don’t choose now to be difficult.” Jungkook takes a step closer to you, his hands running through his dark, messy hair. His eyes shut in frustration, “I just want to talk to you.”

“And I don’t want to talk to you.” You take a step back, “Plus, how would your girlfriend feel if you took me home?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his mouth setting in a firm line.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.” You scoff.

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. While she’s not his girlfriend she’s also not not his girlfriend. It’s complicated.

“Can I please, just please, can I take you home?”

“No, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,” you scoff again, “You haven’t spoken to me in 3 months,” your voice fucking cracks and you feel like dying. “Don’t start now.”

“y/n…” he runs another frustrated hand down his tired face, “I didn’t mean for it to go this long…” “I don’t fucking care, Jungkook.”

You feel your chest begin to burn, and your eyes begin to gloss over but you won’t cry. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

You stare at the phone in your hands as you begin ordering your Uber when he yanks it from your hands once again, he hides the phone in his back pocket and you snarl.

“What the hell Jeon?”

“I said I am driving you home so we can talk so that’s what we are gonna fucking do, okay?” he grabs your hand and begins walking you towards the front door. There’s something about Jungkook...you decide to listen. You watch silently as he puts on his shoes and grabs his wallet and keys.

“Okay…” you finally answer, your voice timid.

He said you guys are going to talk but the car ride has been mostly silent save the low radio playing in the background. Maybe it’s better this way, you think. You aren’t sober, that’s for sure but you also don’t think you are drunk enough to handle this properly. You decide maybe that’s also for the best.

“You sir, are a fucking asshole.” You speak up, your fingers playing with the zipper of your purse. The car smells like it always does, his fresh laundry car freshener and you get sucked into a million memories linked with this scent.

“I know.” Jungkook eyes you from the driver seat, you shiver from the running AC and so he turns it down, “There’s a blanket in the back if you want to grab it.”

“No thanks, don’t know where that’s been.”

“It’s clean, I promise.”

Your eyes go wide as you recall his last promise to you…”Just a few days. I promise.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually believe in your promises anymore.” You continue to pick at the zipper of your purse, your eyes never leaving the zig and zag of the material.

“I needed space y/n, fucking sue me.” He groans out, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh I wish I could.” You snap back.

You feel your chest burn and tighten again, your eyes slightly watering. You have to force them shut to keep from any tears growing.

“I called and texted you every day.” You whisper, his grip getting tighter on the steering wheel.

“I gave you a few days Jungkook. But I never heard from you until 11 at night one night telling me you are fucking moving out.”

“I know, that was…fucked up, I admit. But I had to do what I had to do and I just wish you would let me explain that—”

“No.” you cut him off, “You don’t deserve to explain anything.”

“You mean so much to me y/n…”

“Don’t.”

Jungkook pulls over on the side of the road, turning off the ignition.

“What are you doing?” you sputter out.

He clicks his seatbelt off his body and turns to face you, “Getting comfortable.”

“Why?”

“Will you look at me?” Jungkook tilts his head towards you, “Will you please look at me?”

“No.” you stay facing forward, your hands folded in your lap.

“y/n…please.” His voice sounds strained and you almost feel bad. Almost, but not quite.

You don’t need this…you don’t need him. Ouch, you feel pain in your chest as you think that…oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Say what you need to say Jungkook, so you can take me home.” Your face stays neutral.

Jungkook sighs out, feeling almost defeated, but not quite.

“I…I am so sorry.” He finally says.

“About what?”

“Everything y/n.” his voice cracks and somehow you feel satisfied.

“You’ll have to be more specific if you ever want my acceptance”

“I know…the first thing I am sorry for is not telling you about Taehyung. That was…that was wrong of me—”

“No shit, but go on.” Your voice stays steady as you speak.

“I was worried about other shit, I was selfish and it’s taking me a long time to forgive myself…but I’ve thought a lot about it these last few months and—and…”

“Oh? You’re worried about you forgiving yourself? Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about I don’t know, me?”

Jungkook frowns at your words, because well, you’re right. And he’s getting to that part but you keep interrupting him. But he lets you.

“Yes. I am most worried about you, of course.” He breathes out. “You have no idea what these 3 months without you have felt like…”

“Really Jungkook? If anyone knows its fucking me. I went 3 months without you too. You left me!” you start to lose your composure as you speak, your hands gripping on to your poor purse. “When I was going through a really hard time you straight up left me.” You whisper.

“Please believe me…I had my reasons. It was truly for the best y/n.”

“For the best?” you scoff. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jungkook winces at your words, he knows you mean them and that hurts him even more.

“Can you just trust me?” Jungkook blurts out.

Huh? You shake your head, disappointed he would say something so …well, ridiculous.

“Just stop, Jungkook.” You hesitantly roll your eyes, still shaking your head.

Jungkook licks his lips over and over, trying to figure out his next words.

“I really really,” he begins to lose it, his eyes darting all around the car. “just need you to trust me.” He blinks repeatedly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

You, of course, do not believe your ears. Trust him? How could you possibly trust him?

“I just really…I really had my reasons y/n. And I’m sorry, but I just need you to just trust me, that I had my reasons and that I do care about you.” His voice is shaky and you’re uncertain how to take this information.

“I’m confused…” you begin, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You want me to trust you? Even after you left me? Even after I ‘threw myself’ at you?!”

“You weren’t in the right head space y/n…you were vulnerable and…and you didn’t actually want me. You just were feeling used and rejected and needed something to make you feel wanted. To feel better. You wanted to use me for that and I couldn’t let you. But how much could I handle? You liked one of my friends, dated him…sort of, even slept with him and I had to be your shoulder to cry on when,” his breathing picks up heavily as he tries to speak, “it doesn’t matter.” He grits out.

You sit there…speechless. He wasn’t wrong, was he? You were feeling lost and rejected and used and you just wanted something or someone to feel better and who better than your best friend? But it’s also his fault you needed things to work out with Taehyung in the first place!

“Jungkook—”

“I’m not done.” He breathes out, his hot breath reaching your skin.

“I needed some space to think. But I realized I couldn’t properly think things through if I saw you every day, so yeah, I moved out. I’m sorry…” He runs a hand through his hair, a light chuckle makes it way past his lips “Then I met Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to talk about your little girlfriend.” You turn to face forward in your seat, your eyes glancing at the stop sign ahead.

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend. But it is complicated.”

You continue to look straight ahead, your heart racing in your chest. The subject of “Vanessa” making you feel anxious.

“Complicated how?” you gulp.

“Don’t worry about it.” He laughs to himself, you turn your head to look at him.

“Are you serious, Jungkook?”

“We fuck y/n.”

“But it’s more than that right?”

“Yeah…” Jungkook bites down on his lip.

You look at him bewildered.

“Do you like her? Love her?”

You grip your purse in your lap, waiting for his answer. How would you feel if he answers yes? Are you brave enough to endure that answer? And if he says no? should you be happy? Should you feel relieved?

“No.” he closes his eyes, he folds his hands in front of him. “It’s complicated.”

You sign in relief—oh. Relief is the emotion you are feeling. Why? Why should it matter?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” you whisper.

“I want to be friends again, y/n.” he says softly, his eyes searching yours.

This is madness, how the hell could you save this friendship? Your face scrunches up and the first couple of tears slide down your cheeks, you shake your head as they continue to fall.

“You don’t know how this makes me feel…” you cry out. “I don’t even know how it makes me feel.”

You miss him, so fucking much and he’s right here offering himself to you. But you ‘re so hurt.

“y/n…I know I hurt you. But you gotta believe me when I say it is the hardest thing I have had to do…you understand that right? I had to do it…you understand right?” he begs.

“You were so quick to abandon me, Jungkook.” You drop your head into your hands, the tears uncontrollable now.

“I…” Jungkook begins to panic, his own eyes glossing over. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please y/n…I can make it up to you.”

“Things would never be the same, you get that right?” you bawl into your lap, your words coming out broken.

“Please baby, I just need you in my life again…” Jungkook admits, his own words choppy. He reaches his hand to touch you, to his surprise you don’t flinch. His hand cups the back of your head and he begins to massage it softly.

“I have missed you so much and nothing I mean nothing can replace you.” He hesitates to continue, “trust me…I have tried.”

You sob into your hands harder, the weight of his words crushing you.

“I’m sorry Jungkook but I…I don’t believe you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he absorbs your words, his mouth falls open in shock. Don’t believe him?

“What—what do you mean? What are you saying?” his panic filled voice makes your stomach churn.

“I reject your offer. Now please take me home.” You lift your head and stare straight ahead. “I’m serious.”

Jungkook face twists into a bewildered expression, he doesn’t believe his ears. You…reject him?

“Wait—”

“I said take me home now.” This time you snap your face in his direction, the cold look in your eyes piercing his very soul.

“Okay.”

Hopeless: the dictionary describes it as without hope ; despairing. But in reality, it’s just a picture of Jungkook’s poor, poor face.

Jungkook parks in his designated spot in the lot of his apartment complex, he reverses in because why the hell not. So extra. His drive home was silent… not even the radio on a low volume keeping him company, just complete silence. He turns the car off but doesn’t make a move to get out, he just continues to sit here in his car and sigh out dramatically every 5 seconds.

He’s so confused and lost on what to do. He bangs his head against the steering wheel a few times just for the hell of it, he just…he didn’t think you would reject him. But honestly? Can he blame you? All he’s done lately is be selfish and mess up over and over again. But he wishes you could just trust him but he also wishes he could just tell you the truth. Maybe then you could understand his position and you wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. But he has to wait.

Jungkook’s head is still banging against the steering wheel when more thoughts of you bombard his mind. His breathing picks up and he starts to sniffle, he doesn’t want to cry but you just…you don’t want anything to do with him. He balls his hands into fists and hit the steering wheel over and over causing the horn to go off a few times but he doesn’t care he’s so upset, he just….

When Jungkook saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months he swears his heart actually stopped. He swears it raced so quickly that it just stopped. He let go of Vanessa’s hand so quickly because he wanted to rush to you and hug you close, he wanted to just feel you. Not having touched your skin for the last 3 months…he doesn’t want to imagine even another day.

A few tears slip past his closed lids, he chuckles darkly as he recalls you and Nick. He thought, wow, the universe is cruel and also hilarious. His fucking roommate? He shakes his head, laughing again but his lips remain downward. He feels so fucking helpless right now. But he deserves this, he deserves to feel this pain. He did this to himself and he’s fully aware of that.

Jungkook thinks of your face, he thinks of your smile, he thinks of your eyes and he cries harder, his tears landing on the steering wheel and sliding down landing on to his lap. Yes, he feels like all hope is lost but he knows he cannot give up. He will win you over again one day. He lifts his head and wipes his tear streaked cheeks with the back of his hand and breathes out steadily.

“y/n…” he whispers to himself. Your name leaves his mouth in frustration. He won’t give up. He can’t.

~~~~

“And they were roommates?!” Jimin shouts, a banana half sticking out of his mouth, Trina gasps and whispers “Oh my god they were roommates.”

“Yeah, it was a total shit show.” You bang your head against your breakfast table. Holly rubs your back as she sits next to you.

“Then what happened?” she pries further.

“Yeah what the hell happened y/n!” Jimin yells out.

“He asked to be friends again…and I totally rejected him. Maybe I was too harsh? He was so sad guys…it makes me think…I might agree to kind of being…friends?”

Jimin shuts his eyes as a frown decorates his face, he places a hand on his hip and he inhales a sharp breath, “Listen…you’re both my friends and of course I want you to be good again…but he hurt you …bad.”

“I know Jiminie, but his reasons…” you bite your lip, “Never mind.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Trina butts in. “He fucking left you, remember?”

“Yes Trina, I fucking remember—”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“Trina relax,” Holly intervenes. “They have a long history, right? It’s hard to just forget about everything…”

Jimin stands from his chair, hands on both hips. “Fine, if we are doing this…then you better actually try. Don’t half ass shit, if you’re going to be friends then don’t be an asshole to him, don’t make snarky remarks…I know your ass.”

Jimin has a good point, you haven’t actually thought about how you will act.

“I’ll be a good girl.” You raise your right arm to salute him.

“Fucking smart ass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are we serious right now?” Trina shakes her head, “You moped around for 3 fucking months y/n. You cried every time you even thought of Jungkook…which was a fucking lot.” She points out, “Listen, you stayed strong when you talked to him in the car. Don’t break just because you feel bad for the dude because he’s fucking pitiful. He doesn’t deserve your pity girl. He’s an asshole!”

“Trina, be nice.” Holly says sternly, reaching forward to grab on to Trina’s hand. Trina visibly relaxes and nods her head towards Holly and smiles softly.

You and Jimin share a look. Are they….?

“You…” You slam your eyes shut, Trina’s words ringing loudly in your ears. You know she’s right. “I’ll think about it some more. For now, I gotta get ready for work.”

~~~~

“Doesn’t Hazel look so pretty here?” Adam shoves his phone in your face as he gushes about his girlfriend.

“Yes dude, she’s so pretty.” You deadpan. “Now can you please put the brownies in the oven? We’re low.”

“Wait wait…here’s one of us together at the park.” He nudges his phone in your hands, you roll your eyes but you take it.

The two of them are sitting on a park bench, she’s leaning into his frame and they both have wide smiles on their faces. They seem so in love. And you know they are because fucking Adam reminds you every 20 seconds.

“Their love makes me sick.” Jade walks over, her hands patting down on her work apron, her tone is bland but she still tries to smile. “Like, we get it.”

“Who loves who more?” you begin with a toothy grin, “Adam to Hazel or Lenny to the sugar cookies?” you laugh while pointing at said Lenny stuffing his face with the reject cookies. Jade and Adam chuckle while they stare at him.

“Hey guys, really?” Lenny says with his mouth full. “You know I feel bad when we throw them away.” He pouts, crumbs decorating his lips.

“Lenny I catch you eating fresh ones all the time!” Adam points out.

“Sometimes they’re a little ugly…” Lenny reasons, “So I…”

“You don’t have to explain my guy, you just really love your cookies.” You hand Adam back his phone as you head towards the walk in freezer to take out the brownies yourself. You load up a tray and stick those suckers in the oven.

“You’re useless Adam.” Jade sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and chews obnoxiously “U-s-e-l-e-s-s. Useless.”

“You’re always so mean to me Jade what did I ever do to you?”

All 4 of you shoot your heads up when you hear the bell go off on the door of the bakery, its loud chime signaling the arrival of a customer.

“Oh.” Jade says while popping a bubble. “It’s your usual customer y/n.”

You tilt your head towards the front of the store to get a look at who she is talking about, and yup its him. Your most consistent customer who orders the same damn thing every single day. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and that’s it.

“Can someone else just take care of him today?” you whine, “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

“You know he’s just going to ask for you…” Lenny says stuffing his face with another cookie.

“God damn it.” You huff out, you grab two gloves from the box on the counter and begin walking towards the front of the store.

You reach the front counter and take in your enemy—you mean, your customer.

“And what do I owe the pleasure Mister Oatmeal Raisin?” you raise a brow towards the man. He’s only a few inches taller than you, his hair is a sandy color today and you hate to admit it looks good on him.

“You know you could just call me by name.” the man sways side to side with a smirk on his face.

“I like Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He has been coming to this store for the last couple of months and you two…don’t necessarily get along swimmingly. He complains a lot and is a total smart ass. And you? Well, you’re not much better.

“Well, I’ll have my usual.” He smiles, “And you know the drill, please make sure there is a normal amount of raisins and not a million, I don’t want 8 raisins a bite. But one every now and then.”

You roll your eyes extremely dramatically, pressing the buttons on the screen for his order.

“Sir yes sir.” You salute towards him, “How could I not know the drill?”

“That’s the spirit.”

You spin on your heels and head towards the back to heat up his two cookies. You carefully select one cookie with barely any raisins and one cookie with a million, just like he didn’t want. You cackle to yourself as you place them in the baggy, feeling beyond satisfied.

“How haven’t you gotten fired?” Adam crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you, “And how hasn’t he complained about you? You do this every time I don’t get it.”

“He likes her.” Jade says plainly while scrolling through her phone.

“As fucking if!” you scoff, “He wants nothing but to annoy me!” But you can’t help but smile.

“He literally only asks for you every time you’re in.” Lenny reasons, “but you shouldn’t like him back…he likes the worst cookie on the menu. Sugar is where it’s at.”

You laugh at your coworker while walking back up towards the front of the store, reaching the counter.

“Your cookies!” you hand him the baggy with an evil smirk, “I hope you enjoy them.” You wink.

The man opens the baggy and inspects each cookie and with his own evil smirk he winks back at you, “Are we serious right now?” his sly smile doesn’t leave his face as he begins to complain, “You are such a brat.”

“$4 Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He hands you the cash, you put it away quickly and with a wide smile you gesture towards the door for him to leave.

“Min Yoongi.” He shakes the bag of cookies in front of him, “Not Mister Oatmeal Raisin.” He turns around and starts walking towards the door but before he exits he tilts his head to look at you one last time, “See you tomorrow…y/n.”

You feel a harsh blush creep up on your cheeks, or your whole face actually. Maybe your whole body. You feel taken aback he knows your name but then you remember you have a god damn name tag.

“Uh…yeah.”

“See you tomorrow…y/n.” all 3 of your coworkers mock in a deep voice.

“Shut up guys!” you whine into your hands, “Can we please just get back to work!”

~~~~~

A few weeks later

The drive to Jimin’s is a quick 7 minutes but you did take a little detour. You decided to stop at the pizzeria that’s on the way and grab a hot pizza for the two of you.

“Hehe.” You look over to the steamy food sitting in the passenger seat.

Jimin has been such a great friend to you all this time and you feel like you’ve never really thanked him…so, tonight you two are going to have a fun night in—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Who doesn’t love being surprised with food?

You pull up to Jimin’s apartment complex and after driving in circles you finally find a parking spot. You grab your purse, your backpack, and the pizza and make your way up to his apartment.

You knock on his front door a few times but get no answer. Maybe he’s not home? No, you definitely hear music coming from the other side…so, you decide to call him.

“Hello?”

“Jimin~ let me in!” you sing into the phone.

“You’re—you’re here?”

“Let me in already!” and with that you hang up and wait patiently outside the door.

A few moments pass before the door is opening up, when Jimin really registers that it’s you he’s kind of closing the door until only his face is shown through the crack.

“Ummm…yes?”

You quirk a brow at the boy, “What do you mean ‘yes?’ let me in!” you begin walking forward when a panicked Jimin opens the door wider to let himself outside and shut the door behind him.

“y/n…why are you here? Did we have plans tonight?” he looks down at the pizza in your hands.

“Not exactly…” you admit, “But I figured we could have a night in.”

Jimin frowns. Fucking frowns!

“Or not?” you say awkwardly.

You hear some sort of banging on the other side of the door and then it clicks.

“Oh? You have someone over?” you smirk.

“Uhhh…no. Nothing like that.” Jimin’s eyes slide to the side as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Babe—”

“Jimin!”

The door is being swung wide open and your eyes travel from some horrendous toes socks to some tight jeans to a striped t shirt to yes, Jungkook’s surprised face.

“Oh.” You both say at the same time.

You and Jungkook stare at one another for a few moments, neither of your eyes leaving the other when Jimin clears his throat.

“Sorry y/n. Jungkook is already over…” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“Is it just you two?” you ask quietly.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

You glance down at the pizza and think to yourself. You and Jungkook may not be friends but you can be civil? Yeah, totally! You can definitely be civil! You already bought this fucking pizza so you and Jimin are going to eat it! And you guess, Jungkook too.

“Okay, let me in.” you start shoving your way past Jimin, you watch as his and Jungkook’s eyes go wide.

“Maybe you didn’t hear him, but I am already hanging out with him?” Jungkook sputters out. He awkwardly moves to the side anyway to let you through.

“I can be civil with you Jungkook. Plus, I don’t want this pizza to go to waste. So let’s eat.” You walk through, nudging the pizza box into Jungkook’s hands, he takes it while looking at Jimin with shocked eyes.

Jimin just shrugs and follows you inside.

“Yeah, let’s eat.” He says nonchalantly.

Jungkook is left at the door with the pizza in his hands as he is left completely dumbfounded. He is malfunctioning.

“Jungkook?” you call out over your shoulder, “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Jungkook hurry up!” Jimin smirks, he isn’t totally sure what’s going on but he kind of likes it.

“So what were you guys doing before I got here?” you shove an entire slice of pizza down your throat, the sauce getting left behind on your lips.

“I was teaching Jungkook some of my dance moves…we made a bet that he couldn’t learn the entire routine in 3 times…and—”

“Let me guess, he fucking learned it.” You laugh.

Jimin groans, his head thrown back as he begins nodding his head ‘yes.’

“So annoying! What can’t he do!” Jimin throws the pizza crust in the box and Jungkook immediately picks it up and eats it.

“Pshh, I could name a few things.” You point out bitterly. “But we won’t get into that.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Jimin pleads.

“I’m curious…what is it you think I cant do?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you and your eyes darken in his direction.

“You really want me to?” you take a napkin and wipe your lips, “It’s nothing nice.” You admit.

“Oh then yes, please don’t.” Jungkook is quick to say.

“Yes, please don’t.” Jimin begs again.

The 3 of you are sitting on the living room floor, maybe only 30 minutes or so has passed by and it’s not too awkward. But it’s not necessarily comfortable either. Jimin looks between you and Jungkook constantly, waiting for someone to crack but neither of you really speak to each other. Both of you really only communicating with Jimin.

“So Jimin, are you going to show me another routine?”

“Why? So you can prove you’re the master of everything again? No thanks.”

“Jimin, maybe you can show me a few steps?”

Jimin smiles awkwardly while Jungkook is quick to burst out laughing. You snap your head towards Jungkook and raise your brows at him.

“Why is Jungkook laughing, Jimin?”

“Umm…” Jimin smiles softly, “You aren’t the most…”

Jungkook laughs harder as he watches Jimin trying to explain.

“Aren’t the most…?” You tilt your head towards the boy.

“C’mon y/n don’t make me say it…” Jimin drags out his words in a whine, he plays with his fingers, looking around the room awkwardly.

“Just say it Jimin.” Jungkook chuckles out.

“If you’re trying to say I’m a bad dancer, we all know that’s not true!” you defend once you catch on, you pout at the boys.

“Well…”

“You have both told me I am a good dancer!”

“Well, you know how to move. But steps…following a routine…that’s different. You aren’t very coordinated.” Jimin finally admits, a sheepish grin on his face.

“He means you can roll your hips but your feet are clumsy as fuck.” Jungkook says, still laughing at the situation.

“Shut up.” You glare at Jungkook.

“No, he’s right.” Jimin begins laughing as well, he looks at you and smiles. Well, if Jimin is saying it…maybe it might be true. It’s not like you didn’t kind of know. But still!

“Fine, whatever. Don’t teach me then.”

Suddenly, Jimin’s phone is going off and he rushes to the kitchen to answer it. You and Jungkook eat your pizza in silence, awkwardly catching one another’s gaze.

“So—”

“Don’t talk to me.” You cut in. Jimin isn’t here so it’s not like you have to be totally social with Jungkook.

“Oh.” Jungkook dramatically slumps his shoulders and pouts. You watch him as he throws a silent fit like the baby he is. “Okay.”

Jimin walks back into the living room looking annoyed, he stands between you two and throws a hand on his hip.

“I have to go down to the front office, there was a mix up in packages…I shouldn’t take too long…” he bites down on his plump bottom lip, “Please be civil while I’m gone. Jungkook…” he looks at the boy then at you, “y/n…” he warns.

“Sir yes sir!” you salute towards your friend with a straight face.

Jimin only narrows his eyes as he looks between you two.

“I’m serious…” he says.

Then he is putting on some shoes and heading out the front door, the soft click making you shudder. You’re alone with Jungkook.

A few minutes pass and you both awkwardly just sit there, sometimes catching the other looking. You finally huff out and accidentally giggle.

“What’s funny?” Jungkook’s curiosity getting the best of him.

“It’s just…I feel like we’re Jimin’s divorced parents and we’re trying to be civil for our child.”

Jungkook stares at you with scrunched brows, then looks away while a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You only nod your head in response. You two go back to the awkward silence.

You aren’t used to this…this awkward and odd silence that lingers between you two. It feels so fucking suffocating you almost wish you were on total talking terms so you didn’t have to endure this shit show.

“You know I could…no, forget it.” Jungkook bites his nails as he speaks, “I…”

“What?” you don’t mean to snap at him, but somehow even talking with an attitude feels better than not talking at all.

“I was going to say…I could teach you some steps…then you could surprise Jimin. He’s been working on a salsa piece…I can teach you some? Then maybe he will stop talking shit on your dancing.” Jungkook laughs awkwardly.

“Wait—he talks shit?!” somehow this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“Only a little.” Jungkook shows you how little with his pointer finger and thumb. “But uh, want me to show you?”

“I don’t even want to talk to you, you think I want to dance with you?” you raise a brow in amusement. You forget this boy has all the audacity.

“Dancing doesn’t have to have any talking.” Jungkook states with a sly smile.

“So you’re just going to show me the steps?”

“Precisely.”

You don’t know why, but this sounds better than actually speaking and/or just sitting in miserable silence. And maybe, just maybe you have a desire to be close to him.

“You think I could learn in time before Jimin gets back?”

“With me as your teacher? Definitely.” He fucking smirks at you and you can’t help but feel that feeling in your stomach. Not necessarily a bad feeling but a fucking feeling.

Jungkook stands to his feet and extends his hand out to you for you to take.

“Here, stand up.”

Your eyes travel from his hands to his eyes and you blink lazily at him…wait, you’re really doing this? He stares down at you and he smiles softly and it creates a warmth in your chest that you’re trying so hard to ignore. You can’t.

Even so, you hesitantly begin to reach up to grab on to his hand, once your skin touches his you feel it. The burning. You should be used to it but right now, the fire is raging and the heat is almost too much. But you let him close his hand over yours as he helps you up.

You’re now standing in front of one another, in complete silence again. But this time it’s not awkward—no, it’s a different type of tension. Your hand lingers in his, neither of you brave enough to let go of the other. Jungkook looks down at you and you up at him, and you feel a million things. But the number one thing you feel is pain. You slowly pull your hand back and break eye contact with him, your head dropping low.

“Show me already.” You whisper.

“Shh, no talking.” Jungkook quietly demands. “Only speak with your body.” He puts some music on the speakers and smirks at you.

Jungkook steps closer to you and you stay grounded in your spot, you can feel the heat of his body begin to radiate and warm you. One of his hands find yours, he weaves his fingers through your own and puts one hand on your hip, he looks down at you to warn you this is how he will guide you.

“Just follow me.”

“You said no talking Mr.Jeon.” you say almost under your breath as you stare into his eyes. Jungkook rolls his head back with a smirk on his face, he looks at you and nods.

He puts his left foot forward and steps with his right foot in the same place at center, then puts his left foot back again. You try to copy his moves but even with such simple steps you step on his feet. He looks up at you disapprovingly. You only smile at him.

You two continue to try these steps until you finally manage to understand them even just a little bit. Jungkook brings your body closer to his as you two move your hips to the music while following the simple steps. His chest flush against your own, his heart beating so loudly you can feel it. Your heart isn’t any better. You start to finally get the hang of it, the music slowly taking you to another place. Jungkook moves his hips to the beat so flawlessly and honestly? You’re doing pretty fucking good if you do say so yourself.

Jungkook’s grip on your hip tightens as he grinds himself closer to you, you feel lightheaded as you two dance to the song. Your breathing getting just a little heavier and you feel lost and pathetic but you’re too immersed in the dance to care. Jungkook finds his head falling into the crook of your neck, his hot breaths fanning against your sensitive skin and you find your hand skimming up his back until you have a handful of his hair. You lightly tug on his locks and Jungkook quietly groans. You don’t know if you’re even doing the right steps anymore, your feet moving all around the place, but somehow it’s working. You’re still following his lead and you’re sure the dance looks somewhat okay. All you care about is how both of your hips move to the beat of the music and into each other. You two are so in sync its driving you nuts.

Jungkook lifts his head and watches as you close your eyes and he closes his own eyes, his head falling forward, your foreheads close to touching. You feel so dizzy, so light and airy, so fucking great like you’re floating. You can’t help but feel the heat creep up your entire body, you feel sweat start to build as you two move. You tighten your hands around Jungkook’s neck and pull him down impossibly close, until his forehead is touching yours. Your harsh breaths mingling with his. You get dragged into the memory of when he had you pinned to his dorms mattress, you recall how his lips left kisses all along your throat, his hot breath reminding you of the past. You think of how he rolled his hips into you effortlessly then as well, you think of how you scraped your nails down his back as he thrusted into you. God, you need to think of something else but Jungkook is filling your mind.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up again, as does yours. Your memories making this dance that much more sensual. You remember the way Jungkook nibbled on your ear as he let filthy words spill from his mouth when he fucked you. God, you should not be thinking this but his body feels so good. God, you should think of anything…literally anything else. You remember how he held you close much like how he is right now. You two continue dancing to the song that is soon coming to an end. You know exactly how it feels to have Jungkook inside you, moving and stilling. You know exactly what it feels like to come all around his cock. God, you need to stop. You need to slow your breathing. God, you…you…you...he continues to guide you along to the music when you feel something hard poke against you. Oh. Oh. OH. Hard. He’s hard.

Immediately, you pull back and take several clumsy steps backward. You blink at him with wide eyes when you realize that maybe he was recalling the same memories as you. Your wide eyes concerning Jungkook.

“Okay, that’s enough lessons for today.” Your harsh breaths don’t go unnoticed by Jungkook, his own breathing quite unsteady.

“Right.” Jungkook mumbles.

You two stand around for a few moments, just taking in the experience you just shared.

You still feel…how do you feel? You just shared a hot dance with your best friend? Wait—ex best friend? You don’t know. The memory of his body moving with yours, his skin touching your skin, his breaths on your neck, his hair balled up in your hands. God, it felt so good.

But so wrong.

“Umm…thanks.” You finally say.

Jungkook perks up at the gratitude, even if it’s somewhat forced. His frown turns into a small smile and you can’t help but smile back.

“I miss you y/n.” Jungkook instantly regrets it by the look on your face. Your expression turning hard. “Sorry I—”

“No, I miss you too.” You answer honestly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“But why not? Do you really not want me in your life for like, ever?”

Jungkook’s questions settle deep within you. The depth they hold…it’s too much. You wonder? Is this anti-Jungkook thing permanent? Or are you just trying to teach him a lesson?

Jungkook rubs his temples as he thinks, he sighs out instead of talking more.

“Not forever.” You finally say. Jungkook looks at you, a sliver of hope flashes across his face.

“But when?” he asks softly.

Yeah y/n. When? You know you both can’t go back to how things use to be but maybe starting over? God, you don’t know what to do! You know someone like Trina will be disappointed you became friends with Jungkook again so quickly, but you know someone like Jimin would be happy his two friends are back to being on okay terms. Why are you trying to please everybody? What do you want?

“Will you ever give up?” you say a little more lightly.

“No…” he says under his breath, his eyes focusing on the TV. “Not until you agree to be my friend again.”

You look at Jungkook with disbelief written all over your face, this boy has the fucking audacity once again. You’re amused though.

“Excuse me?” you say, cleaning your ear out with your point finger. “I didn’t catch that.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, his eyes are large and doe like and it brings you back to every moment ever that he has given you this look.

“You’re stuck with me until you love me again.” He says more firmly.

“Who said,” you look at him with soft eyes, “That I ever stopped loving you?”

Jungkook smiles, he fucking smiles. His adorable bunny smile that makes your heart race.

“You still love me?”

“Only a little.” You jut your lip out, “I mostly hate you.”

Jungkook only frowns for a second before he is smiling again, “That’s fair.”

The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes, you sway back and forth wondering what you want to say to him—you miss him, of course but…

“Let’s take it slow.” You finally break the silence. You miss him more than anything and it might be worth it to have him in your life again, “You aren’t going to be a priority in my life anymore.” You crack you knuckles, the sound filling up the room.

“I know,” Jungkook feels his heart twist at your words but at least it’s something. “We can go however slow you want y/n.”

“You are on—”

“Thin fucking ice, buddy. I know.”

You exhale a shaky breath, thinking about how to go about this, “We can text every now and then, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you quite yet.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe a group hang out first…”

“I’d like that.”

Jungkook reaches over to grab your hand but you pull back, “That’s a no from me for the affection.”

Hurt flashes across Jungkook’s features but he softens up as he nods his head. “Noted.”

You wonder if you’re making the right decision. This wasn’t easy, you know? This actually felt quite hard. But somehow you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like things maybe just maybe will be okay.

“I won’t push myself on you, I promise.” Jungkook sits back down on the floor, crossing his legs.

“Just be yourself, Jungkook.”

“If I wanted to be myself I would be hugging you right now but that’s apparently off limits.” He jokes.

“One hug.” You open your arms timidly. You feel one hug can’t be too bad?

Jungkook widens his eyes in pleasant surprise. He stands to his feet again and opens his own arms.

“C’mere.”

You watch in disbelief as he grins with his arms wide open, expecting you to go to him! And you do. You fucking do.

His arms wrap around you, he pushes you into his chest and you feel so fucking good. So warm, so cozy. His scent making you feel dizzy again, his warmth causing you to heat up. You lean back and look at his content face, he honestly looks so fucking content. Like, this hug is everything to him. And maybe it is, but you don’t know that.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” you both snap your heads toward the front door to see Jimin standing there with a package in his hands.

“I can come back later?” he smirks at you two.

“No no no no!” you drop your arms from hugging Jungkook and take a few steps back, “We were just—”

“We made up, Jimin.” Jungkook says calmly with the softest smile you’ve ever seen on him.

“We’re taking it slow!” you rush to say.

“Oh?” Jimin winks, he walks forward until he’s in the living room joining you two. “Does this mean you will be joining us this Thursday at Jungkook and Nick’s place?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook shifts on his feet, “Yeah, uh, me and Nick are having a small get together on Thursday…you can bring whoever you want…but you’re definitely invited.”

“Before I answer that…Jimin how did you not know about Nick and him being Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Listen! Jungkook is always HERE! I never go over there! The few times I was there Nick was never home okay?!” Jimin whines obnoxiously.

“Okay, whatever. And Jungkook, I said—”

“You said group hang outs.” Jungkook pouts.

Oh. You did say that. But this soon? And is she going to be there?

You chew on your lips before answering, “Okay. But I’m bringing Trina and Holly.”

“Oh bro, Trina is not your biggest fan.” Jimin cuts in.

“Yeah, I know how she is I already anticipated that.” Jungkook shrugs, he looks at you with a small smile.

Okay, starting over? Taking it slow? Can you and Jungkook do this? You look between the boys and smile,

“Okay. See you boys on Thursday.”

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Iwaizumi NSFW Alphabet

just remebered that this is my blog and I control the iwa smut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s pretty good, he catches on pretty quick to what you like and will usally have some water and snacks on hand by the bed so he doesn’t have to get up to take care of you. Also, his after sex massages are godly 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Okay I know this sounds weird but he has this treasure trail on his stoumach that he is sooo cocky about. He knows it drives you wild when you see it (cus like it is very hot) and he loves to show it off as much as posible 

On his partner? hes all about the ass. Big small, round or flat he doesn’t care he loves the booty no matter what besides it’s not like you’re flatter than Oikawa anyways

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So conflicted when hes about to cum because on the one hand you look so good covered in his release and when you scoop up his semen with your fingers and lick it off your hand oh god nothing gets him harder. but on the other hand when he’s pounding into you it’s like your body is begging for him to cum inside so usally he makes you tell him where you want it. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He would gladly Cuck Oikawa or let Oikawa watch, sex and putting Shittykowa in his place are Iwa’s two favoret things so why not combine them

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s had a few partners but he’s not really a fuckboi, he likes having a steady partner so he can get to know their body rather than a string of one night stands. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy, like I said he’s all about your ass and he will spank you while fucking you, He’ll also push your head down onto the bed if you aren’t arching your back enough for his taste.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s more serious in the moment but that isn’t to say he isn’t capable of finding the humor in things. He loves to tease you and it often helpd break the tension if something awkward happed. IE you asked him to spike your ass like a volleyball and he laughed at you for an hour straight before doing just that.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

it’s a little messy, don’t get me wrong it’s still all clean down there but like unless you ask him to shave he’s keeping the bush. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

The romance really comes after everything is all said and done, like he won’t have any sweet words for you in the heat of the moment but that’s mostly becuase his mind goes totally blank when he fucks and he can’t formed words. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

sometimes, mostly just to tease you. he’ll send you a video of him jerking off and moaning your name with some caption like “doesn’t this look a lot better than studying” to get you to come over and get him off for real. If you really can’t come fix his issue he’ll still send you a video of him cumming all over himself cus he’s nice like that

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

daddy kink plain and simple. he just loves heairng you cry out for daddy while he eats you like it’s is last meal but he also likes it when youre just like  “hey daddy can you grab that for me?” cus like yeah he is your daddy even out of the bedroom. Rip to you if you say that infront of the team 

public sex you are getting fingered in public 100% he doesn’t want to get caught persay. but he’s sure as hell not afraid to. as they say no risk no reward. you have also defently fucked in the boys changing room... and sucked him off in the club room, and gotten fingered in the volley ball storage closet. It’s a mericall no one from the team has caught you two yet. 

cock warming. He tries to work it into every sesion of aftercare its just nice to have his cock inside you even if it’s soft. makes him feel closer to you. watch out becuase the two of you will just be cuddling and watching a movie and boom his dick is out and hes looking at you like “so you gonna sit on that or what?”

roleplay? kind he gets really turned on when you roll up your uniform skirt and start “acting like a slutty little school girl” and he pretendeds he’s a teacher punishing you for braking dresscode. this is all in his head by the way, hes a little too ashamed to admit why he wants you to keep your clothes on while he fucks you or ask you to call him sensei.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Like I said anywhere in public is a rush for him, but his absolute favorite is in the shower Aoba Johsai locker room shower. The water just hightens everything and your moans echo beautifully off the tiles. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when you complemt him.  “Wow iwa that was such a great spike you’re so strong!” “wow Iwa I never realised how mucular you are,”  “oh Iwa that was a great game you looked so cool out there!” are all sure fire ways to get your back blone out. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

ight hear me out! hes not into choking. Iwa just doesn’t trust himself enough to do it right in the heat of things and would never want to hurt you (yes he leaves bruises on your ass he spanks you so hard yes he doesn’t want to choke you until you black out) if you really want him to choke you he’ll do it, but like while you're riding a toy or something so he doesn’t get distracted. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He perfers receving tbh. you just look so cute on your knees gagging on his cock (choking on his dick and choking on his hand are two difrent things stfu) Iwa lives to condicened to you while you’re trying to fix his XL meat in your mouth

“you’re such a pretty baby, if only there wasn’t a big fat cock making you cry but you’re so much of a whore to let go of my dick now that it’s in your mouth isn’t that right?” stuff like that. 

also his head game is godly. he holds your hands and kisses yo right on your sex then procieds to send you to anouther plain of existance with his mouth. he won’t let up until you're crying. you make such a mess every time, not that either of care.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

unless its a special occasion he’s rough and brutal. real head board braking motherfucker RIP to (y/n)’s hips they are fucking gone

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He kinda has to be quick when you too are banging where someone could walk in any second. But he does perfer to take his time with you especially since he loves to make you cum over and over again. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Once he hits a grove he kinda likes to stick to what he knows. He might drag his feet a little but he’ll ussally try new things. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

oh my god good luck he can go forever if you let him. the only time you can even hope of going less than three rounds is if he just had a big game and he’s tiered from it, even then games tend to rile him up more than anything. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He owns a pocket pussy, not that he uses it much. He’s fine with using toys on you as long as he’s the one in control. Doesn’t like it if he finds out you’ve been using a vibe somwhere without him. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

It depends. Normally he doesn’t tease much he’s pretty straightforword and would rather just get down and dirty about it. But if he feels like you’ve earned a good teasing? good luck. He’s patient and he knows your body so well he can have you in a mess in less than a minute and he’ll keep you there until you’re begging for him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not very loud, lots of grunts and deep huffs if he’s talking it’s broken phrases repeated over and over again “you feel so good, so good so good,” “who’s cock is making you cum? who’s cock? who’s cock?” like I said his mind shuts off when he’s fucking you. He does tend to shout when he cums though. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves fingering you something about seeing his hands work on your body really gets him going. He like how deep his figners can go, how much they make you squirm. How the veins and the tendions on the back of his hand look while he slowly edges into three knucles deep. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

do I even have to say it? big cock citty population Iwaizumi Hajime. It’s a little longer than average and a little gatherer than you’d maybe ecpect and it really streaches you out. The head is a flushed read color and it’s sesitive as hell. please suck on the tip of his cock while fodleing his heavy balls he will literally cum in seconds. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

not very high. He’s always ready to go when you are but most of the time he’s just chill with hanging out. Unless he just won a game or you are wearing some of his clothes in wich case he is defently horny. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

please, you rock his world but you’re not half the work out a five set volleyball game is. He is fine to go to like the gym or something after sex even if you are completely wreaked. but if you ask him to cuddle and happen to fall asleep, well a nap wouldn’t kill him right?

[deniigi]

I love the fic you showed on Luke, Han, Chewie being kidnapped by the trio- I would love to see more! Is there a chance we might see that fic or sections of it? I hope you are having a great day!

You may see more sections of it! It’s like 30k because I have zero self control sometimes, so idk if I will post the whole thing, but snippets I can do!

I wrote a fuckin’ hilarious bit where Han tells Paz that Luke’s got a crush on Din. Paz thinks about Din’s sexuality for .05 seconds and immediately has an anxiety attack that Din feels like he’s got to hide his queerness.

He brings it up with Din, who promptly astral projects in embarrassment.

--------------

This was a reconnaissance mission now. One which Luke was again having fun on. With Djarin refusing to speak to his comrade, Luke wriggled right into the place he’d left behind and started agitating again. He goaded Djarin and Fett that he could shave hours off the current course time. Han and Chewie hung back and strategically did not back up a damn thing he said.

Paz, uncomfortable to be on any ship that was not his own, clutched at his fingers and watched Luke chasing Djarin like an underfoot puppy in concern.

“What does he want from Din?” he asked Han and Chewie quietly.

Han blinked slowly.

“He’s got a crush,” he said.

Paz’s helmet managed to blanch.

“You’re kidding,” he said.

“Yeah, your boy’s ticking every one of Luke’s boxes, I’m afraid,” Han said while Chewie snickered. “He’s already decided on a destination wedding.”

Paz rubbed a few knuckles under the edge of his helmet and looked away.

“I dunno if the Armorer’s gonna be cool with that,” he said.

Han snorted.

“Armor isn’t strong enough for him, he’s got mind powers,” he said.

Paz’s helmet turned slightly back towards him.

“The Armorer is Din’s parent,” he said. “She leads the teachings at our covert.”

AHA. Orthodox. Han had it now. Djarin was a preacher’s son.

“I don’t know what that means,” Paz said.

“Don’t worry, I got you,” Han told him sympathetically. “It’s okay, though. People are more tolerant than you think.”

“I still don’t know what that means,” Paz repeated.

“You will,” Han soothed, “You will.”

--

 It was an hour before Paz blurted out, “Wait you mean he’s gay?” and Han almost cried, he was laughing so hard.

--

 This was supposed to be a hostage situation, but Paz was making this trip a pleasure cruise. He’d gotten about fourteen thousand times more awkward around both Luke and Djarin anytime they passed by. Luke had caught onto this with interest.

Han did nothing to stop him. He and Chewie finally had entertainment after hours and hours of torture.

Paz inched away.

“I’m happy for you,” he told Luke. “It’s fine.”

Luke cocked his head at him and got closer.

“No, man. Not me, sorry,” Paz said. “You got—you got Din. He’s—well, honestly the last I saw him he was like, fifteen and sort of scrawny, but you know he’s probably grown a couple muscles by now.”

Luke lit up.

“I know, he picked me up,” he said.

Paz vibrated.

“Mm-hm,” he said.

“Do you think he likes me?” Luke asked him.

Paz vibrated so hard his armor nearly started knocking against itself.

“He’s really into ancient Tusken shit,” he said. “Ask him about ancient Tusken shit.”

Luke’s eyes couldn’t get any wider or rounder. Any more of this and his pupils would start dilating, too.

“Copy that,” he said, then vanished.

Chewie whimpered and wiped tears from his eyes. Han leaned into his side and grinned so wide his face hurt.

--

 Luke took to flattening himself against the cockpit door and serenading Djarin in the other side with pleas for information about Ancient Tusken culture. Djarin was understandable baffled. He smelled a rat and refused to be forthcoming with any new knowledge.

That made Luke caterwaul louder until Fett had enough of him and locked Djarin out of the cockpit too, with instructions to ‘silence the Jedi before I do permanently.’

Djarin was now stuck out here with the rest of them. He crouched in front of Luke and they had a staring contest for a good two minutes before Djarin got up and sighed.

“You have so much energy,” he said. “No wonder Grogu likes you.”

Luke rocketed up to stand next to him proudly.

“I don’t sleep most nights,” he said.

Djarin studied him.

“I see that,” he said.

“Han and Leia say that I’m a ‘hostile’ bedpartner when I do,” Luke said with finger quotes for Djarin’s benefit.

Djarin, Han swore, was trying to think of a polite way to say, ‘Sir, I think you’re at breaking point.’ But instead he said, ‘do you like tea?’ to which Luke said, ‘absolutely not.’ Djarin told him that he had a great tea for him to try and was thereafter followed into the Falcon’s kitchenette around the corner.

Paz, in the meantime, was absolutely shitting himself. No longer able to avoid this conversation with Djarin.

“I think it’s cute,” Han goaded with Chewie nudging his ribs the whole time.

“The Armorer will not approve,” Paz insisted.

--

 Djarin had done the impossible: he’d put Luke to sleep. He delicately removed the mug of (possible sleep medication) tea from Luke’s unconscious deathgrip and asked Han where the used dishware went. That was thoughtful. Han told him to just stick it any damn place around the sink and he or Chewie would get to it.

He did and then came back to settle in next to Paz. Paz visibly experienced a rainbow of emotions. Djarin didn’t notice a single one of them. Instead, he crossed his legs and held the orange tips of one hand in the orange tips of the other.

“I wanted to apologize, Paz,” he said. “After what you’ve sacrificed for me and the kid, I should have been more grateful.”

“D—don’t mention it,” Paz stammered. “It’s—it’s the Way.”

“It is the Way,” Djarin agreed. “I think I was afraid of how to face all of you afterwards.”

Han could hear Paz’s internal scream from here.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll bet you, uh, did. It—it wasn’t the first time, was it?”

Djarin sat up a little straighter.

“No. How did you know?” he asked.

Paz shivered.

“Just a feeling,” he said. “You know, uh. Din. You don’t have to be ashamed of anything, right? You’re—you’re like my little brother. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you or anyone say anything to you. Okay?”

Awwwwwwwww.

Djarin looked up into Paz’s visor.

“Are you sick?” he asked.

“What? No. I’m. I’m saying, that if you ever had something you wanted to tell me, or you know, any of us. We’re always here to listen,” Paz said. “And to support you.”

Djarin’s silver helmet tilted worriedly.

“I already did,” he said.

“GREAT,” Paz said. “Perfect. You’re doing amazing.”

Djarin pulled back, officially disturbed.

“Right,” he said slowly. “So I’m gonna—”

“Listen, kid,” Paz said, grabbing the strap between Djarin’s chest and back plates and dragging him back down to sitting. “Think about your parent.” He took Djarin’s hand from where he was actively trying to escape and held it in a firm, masculine grip. “She loves you, you know that.”

“Paz, I’m panicking,” Djarin said outloud.

“And she was so happy for you to have a foundling,” Paz carried on like plough. “So she’s gonna be happy for you, no matter what.”

Djarin could not pull his hand out of Paz’s grip, and boy was he trying. He’d started a cool descent to the floor, he was trying so hard.

“I know,” he grated out.

“But a jedi, Din?”

“He can’t help it, man,” Djarin said, still struggling almost on his back now. “You said it yourself. It’s a born-with-it thing.”

Paz stared forcefully at his knuckles.

“You’re right,” he said, letting out a slow breath. “But if that’s how it gonna be, you really should propose first.”

Djarin’s helmet somehow managed to emote ‘shock’ on the ground there.

“I’m sorry, what?” he asked. “I barely knew her.”

“Her?” Paz asked, then caught himself. “Sorry, sorry. Not my business—”

“It was like, a week at most—”

“Not my business.”

“And yeah, she had a great kid and—”

“Wait, wait, hold up,” Paz said. “Who are you talking about?”

Djarin stared.

“My friend? From Sorgen?” he said. “Who are you talking about?”

Paz went very still.

“You’re fuckin’ some gal on Sorgen?” he asked.

“No?” Djarin said. “I mean. She wanted to, and I thought about it, but it was only a week, and I didn’t want her to feel like I’d used her only for—who are you talking about?”

“The jedi,” Paz said, pointing at Luke’s languid, curled up self on the table’s bench.

“Why would I be fucking the jedi?” Djarin asked. “He’s my son’s teacher, Paz.”

“Because he’s crushing on you?” Paz asked, equally upset and confused. “And you’re gay, so?”

“I’m what?”

“Gay????”

“I am??”

Han was crying. Han was sobbing.

These idiots were days of comedy. Look at them go. Look at ‘em spin.

“Din, please. You don’t have to fake it. I support you—”

“I didn’t ask for your support?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of—”

“I’m not ashamed.”

“Are you sure? Because I’m picking up some strong feelings. And I don’t want you to think that—”

“Paz, what I want more than anything for you to do right now is to stop thinking. I’m not gay.”

Paz pressed a hand against his helmet like he was in physical pain.

“But the way you always looked at Teyo,” he said.

Djarin had a tiny stroke and slammed his fist into Paz’s arm.

“DON’T MENTION—”

“What the FUCK, brat?”

“HOW DARE YOU—”

“Why’re you yellin’ at me now??”

“Why’re you bringing up some childhood shit, haven’t we done enough of that already?”

“Why’re you so mad? I’m tryin’ to be supportive. If you wanna fuck the Jedi, fuck the Jedi. I’m just sayin’ maybe don’t tell the Armorer until after you’ve done it, so she doesn’t think you’re under some kinda mind-trick or somethin’, alright?”

Han no longer needed those helmets. He had these characters down. Djarin was gaping now. In shock and offense.

“Never speak to me again,” he decided.

“Bro,” Paz said.

“NO.”

“Karkin’ hell, Din. What’s your problem?”

“Excuse me, I must drown, where are your facilities?” Djarin asked Han directly.

“Round the corner, on the left,” Han told him.

“No, no, no,” Paz said, grabbing Djarin by the cape and dragging him back. “We gotta talk about this. We gotta process.”

“I’m not processing shit with you,” Djarin said. “I am not fucking the jedi.”

“But you want to,” Paz deduced.

“I—what? Wh—do you want me to have relations with him? Did I miss something?” Djarin asked.

“I want you to feel supported,” Paz said.

“I don’t. I feel targeted,” Djarin said. “Stop targeting me.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop.”

“Good. Let go.”

“But if—”

“Paz, I’m going to behead myself.”

“If you do want to have sex with the jedi, later. That’s fine. Or anyone else. That’s fine, too.”

“BOBA.”

Behold. A breaking point.

--

[shadowdianne]

Fic writer review [Or a fic writer tag game if you prefer]

I was tagged by @naralanis and I can already see her grin all the way from where I am xd Thank you, dear, for the tag, let’s see what are my answers, shall we.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

*bursts out laughing* Adding both pseuds I have… 535 according to the account info but by counting them all I’m reaching 541 so I’m guessing it’s counting some drafts I need to re-find.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

I seriously hated you for this one xd I was going to do it by hand by I decided one-third there that I value my mental stability a little bit more xd according to the stats page back at a03 that number would be 1257884. It may be wrong. I think there should be a few more numbers up there but the majority of my works are one-shots so *shrugs* There’s also the fact that counting my ao3 things only is shaving off like half of it Xd Anyway, can we laugh at the fact that I’m a pain in the ass and that I’ve written a lot? More than I should have, that’s for sure

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Trick question because I haven’t crossposted everything I wrote back in ffnet and I actually erased some fics from my account back there so the numbers are a little blurry there.

When I had the entirety of my work posted both in ffnet and a03 I had written for: Twilight (Bella/Alice) Glee (Faberry and there were a couple Pezberry and I don’t fucking remember the pairing name for Santana and Quinn), Harry Potter (Hermione/Ginny, Hermione/Narcissa, Hermione/Bellatrix) OUAT (SwanQueen and several oneshots focusing on the mad hatter and the blue fairy solely back at ffnet that were written in Spanish and never translated), I actually had a veeeery old au prompt of Frozen (Elsanna in where I wrote them as non sibilings), Rizzoli and Isles (Rizzles), Dishonored 2 (Emily Kaldwin/Alexi Mayhew), Lara Croft and Wonder Woman, Supergirl (SuperCorp/Supercat) I had a 100 one -or maybe two??- (Clexa), The Shannara Chronicles (Amberle/Eretreia [Or Princess Rover], Rwby [Blake Belladona/Yang], The Worst Witch (Hecate Hardbroom and Pippa Pentangle), The Half of it, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Madam Satan/Zelda Spellman) and… I think that’s it(?) I may be forgetting some but probably nothing important if I’m not remembering it lol.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

Ah, we are going to go there, uh? Xd My works are not the kudos and comment getting type Xd So I was quite surprised when I went to check this.

1: Cracked it I wrote this one back in 2017, it was a prompt done by an anon: Lena is nerding with one of her projects at home, mumbling mostly to herself because she’s stuck and Kara casually mentions how to solve the problem like it’s nothing. I really had some fun with this. It was back when some us, SQeeners were fully doing the jump between OUAT and SuperGirl (I mean, there had already been some crossover as for fandom is related but this when the girls were actually getting their conjoined voice within the fandom)

2: Dateless I honestly needed to check what this one was about but I think I can see why this one shot has the amount of kudos it has. It’s a short and sweet idea and responds to the Teachers Au that went SO well with SQ. Everyone thinks they hate each other and try to set them up with other people whilst they, in truth, are dating. I don’t remember if I wrote them as married rather than dating but despite being from 2017 as well is one cheeky enough to be cool Xd I probably would edit some lines now *shudders*

3: After you I truly didn’t expect this one to be top 3. Makes me think of a lot of things, if I’m being honest Xd. After you was a one shot written almost feverishly as an answer to the fabulous drawings that Sejic did of both Lara Croft and Wonder Woman back at 2018 or something. It’s just Lara and Diana being himbos but not at all with each other.

4: How about… How about is one I remember perfectly, it was my answer to the ending of the Half of it film. I had SOME thoughts about it, let’s just stop there Xd I really liked the film itself but I think and I thought at the time that my response to wishing for a final scene at the very end of the credits responds to me being in a different personal moment than the characters. I really wanted to explore my feelings about it and so I wrote about them finding each other again after some time passes. It was also something I wrote after quite the hiatus so I took it as something I could write about without focusing too much on the why.

5: Come to me

Ahh, SuperCorp Xd I remember this one actually. A friend of mine and I were talking about descriptions, and she mentioned quite off-handedly how she wanted a fic in where Kara’s back was described. I complied… more or less.

Fun tidbit, despite the big volume of my work is obviously set in ouat there’s only 1 SQ fic there as you can see, the others are either SuperCorp or the random one shots I created for Wonderwoman/Lara Croft and The half of it. *sighs in deep thought* I’m also not going to look too much into how almost all of the fics were posted and written back in 2017. Nope, not at all.

*Small voice screaming you peaked in 2017 and everything else is garbage jumps back and forth*

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I tend to always respond, yup. I truly value comments. I might have gone for spells of time in where I didn’t have the mental capacity to check in old fics because I truly didn’t know what to answer but I treasure every single comment and you all who comment know that I can start to ramble in the answers xd -sorry about that- I really really REALLY love interaction.

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending:

Ok, Nara, come on, this one is a catch for me. I’ve written angst in far too many fics to remember the angstiest one :P I have the most recent one, though, that is the easy one to think about: Goodbye.Written for @delirious-comfort. I’m just going to say “Kisses with their last dying breath” as an idea of what awaits inside but I’ve written about death and loss and angst quite a lot. There were some I wrote back to SQ with Regina needing to kill Emma during the Dark Swan arc that, to this day, I still love and some others in where Regina is the one that dies, again and again, trapped by magic while Emma watches. I have the loss in mental destruction form and… I REALLY like my angst y’know xd

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not counting Lara and Wonder Woman not really! I think it comes from the fact that I loooove worldbuilding as a whole and some pairings would require all my focus into making the world perfect which in turn would make me self conscious on the OOCness of it all.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

*snorts* I’ve received hate due to the pairing I’ve written about, how I’ve written about it, the amount I’ve written, how slow or quick I can be, the usage of some tropes, the lack of usage of those same tropes… Let’s just go with: yuuuup.

9. Do you write smut?

I’ve written smut, yeah! But I can already see the pointed looks of some so let’s elaborate Xd I write smut when asked and sometimes when not asked but there’s a part of me I like to call a terrible tease that prefers writing the beginning of a scene, taunt it, focus on what happens before the sex scene per se as I find it more enjoyable to write. The process of escalation is always the best for me to see what can I do it by using both dialogue and descriptors tbh, so I tend to tease more than show.

9. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

A few weeks ago I’d have said: Maybe(?) But trying to follow the trail of some other fics that had been stolen from some friends -I think it was me trying to find more about the page that stole something from your Nara!- I found some pages in where my fics had been reposted. In some it was stated that the person posting the fic wasn’t the author but I had never been contacted in order to see if I’d say yes to such a thing and in some others the page was locked up but I could still see someone was pretending to be the author. I did the thing and got some of those down.

Pointed note: Ask me if you want to post or translate or anything. I will look into you and answer you if you seem honest about the thing. But despite every joke and self-deprecating comment those 500 and then some fics represent MY time so very kindly I say fuck off to those who wish to steal from me and if I catch you… you don’t really want to see me angry, trust me.

10. Ever had a fic translated?

I’ve given permission to some, yeah, but never heard it back from them so I’m guessing it didn’t stick.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I’ve written series alongside other authors as @stregaomega for example. And some others that are unpublished -looking at you @carsonnieve - I’ve also done collabs… but fics co-written in the sense of two authors same chapters I don’t have anything posted I’m afraid :P

13. All-time favourite ship?

*snorts*, I guess the obvious answer is SQ uh? And I do think they were the ones that allowed me to read and write SO much. The one I feel more strongly about, however, is Bering and Wells from Warehouse 13.

14. WIP you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

All of them counts as a valid answer? But if I only could finish one that would be Arcadia. With A forgotten Promise second and the one I did as an Assassins Creed AU third. (I don’t remember the name so there’s no link, sorry xd)

15. Writing strengths?

Uhhhh, you REALLY want me to say that? I don’t fucking know!! To me everything I write is garbage. I always try to go for the feelings so I guess. Dunno xd I’ve been told I’m good at worldbuilding and to be honest is what I enjoy the most.

16. Writing weaknesses?

Everything Xd Pacing? What I hate the most sometimes is dialogue, I would count it as a weakness but I’m always far too focused on description rather than dialogue. I don’t think it’s a bad thing per se but it’s something that I don’t do as much.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I’m conflicted. Always. Majorly because I think that having bilingual characters in fanfiction is portrayed and expected in a way that I don’t feel it’s honest with how bilingual people -us- talk. So if I go by what I know I do I think it’s not what readers hope to see when it comes to that and if I go for how canonically is hoped to be found I don’t think it’s logical. But that’s me and my overthinking Xd If I have the option I like to do it.

18. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Belice! Or Bella/Alice. Worst first fic ever but oh, well, I’m always saying that :P

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

Uhh… Don’t make me do this XD Agh, I don’t know. I’ve always been very vocal about Metallic Ink because I let myself enjoy the process of creating a magic system almost out of zero and that was fun. Despite hating some of the writing process and that I’d do it differently now I think I’m going to stick with that answer. Or anything that had any steampunk-based undertone. To be honest I like more thinking of concepts, I had one in where Emma was a thief and it involved the robbery of a ring that was Regina’s one way ticket to freedom I then later repurposed that I adored thinking about so let’s go with…. Yeah, I love having the option of changing things up a little and focus on how characters would fit in different aesthetics for this one Xd

Annnd… these are four pages, gods. I’m just going to tag @waknatious @carsonnieve @stregaomega here and see what they do- Enjoy the questionnaire ladies :P

[lemon--squeezy]

𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 | 𝐎𝐍𝐄

Summary: 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫 found love during his teen years and ended up married to his high school sweetheart. However, he hadn't been prepared for the effects caused on him by a younger Agent and coworker.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Original Female Character

Warnings: Mentions of/implied attemped rape, sexual scenes, adult language, angst, boss/employee relationship, cheating, age difference and  canon-typical violence.

A/N: Before we start I just wanted to warn you that English is not my first language so you might see some grammar and spelling errors, if you spot any just let me know please. I hope you can bear with me! This story in also available on Wattpad 

“You made a really deep cut and baby, now we’ve got bad blood…” — Taylor Swift

Rays of a morning sun shine through the many windows, bringing a needy warmth to the cold bullpen of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. As soon as one enters the room, the bitter but invitingly warm scent of black coffee would invade their nostrils; a much needed drink to endure the consuming aspects of working for the FBI. Hushed footsteps, discussions of rapports, chairs moving around and whispers of good mornings are the prominent sounds filling the environment. 

At the center of the room, three distinct agents are discussing among themselves about gossips of the office. A strong, shaved headed man, with dark skin and a smirk plastered on his face. By his side, half sitting on his desk is a woman with fluffy bright blonde hair, thick black glasses supported by her delicate nose and wearing colorful clothes, making her stick out in an ocean of grey suits and blazers. Standing in front of them is a raven-headed woman, with pale skin and dressing a dark outfit like no one else could do. 

While grabbing his mug and sipping his morning coffee, the man looks at his wristwatch, slightly shaking his head in a mocking disapproval and declares, “It’s officially five minutes since our work time started and Agent Davis hasn’t arrived,” he flashes a smirk to the black headed female who had being part of the team for barely a month and continues, “I hope you’re ready to witness your first breakfast time quarrel between the bossman and Amy.” 

Emily, the sophisticated gothic woman, stares confusedly at her teammate and says, “Okay, I’m gonna take the bait. What are you talking about, Morgan?” 

He flashes a mischievous smile, “Do you want to explain it to the newbie, baby girl?” Morgan asks the blonde and eager female to tell the new girl about the most volatile - and funny to watch - dynamic of the team. “I’m pretty sure you’ve already noted that my lovely girl Amelia Davis and our stiff yet good-looking Superior don’t tolerate each other,” Penelope happily blabbers. “Since today is Monday and Amy loooves partying hard on the weekends, she’s already late. Something that displeases the bossman who is constantly waiting to scold Amy because of her little mistakes.” 

“That is intriguing. Are you sure it isn’t all about sexual tension? That would explain their behavior.” Agent Emily Prentiss questions inducing a gasp from Penelope and a laugh from Derek. 

“We’ve all considered it at some point,” the man affirms. “Just don’t say that to Davis or she will lecture you about how terrible it is that two people of the opposite sex aren’t allowed to sincerely and deeply hate one another,” he concludes and looks in the direction of his Superior individual office through the open blinds. “Hotch seems to be especially annoyed today so I bet he won’t even wait for Davis to reach her table before he calls her attention.” Morgan deduces and the elevator cheeps in sync announcing new arrivals, making the three agents stare in its direction. They see a couple of interns hurrying to the coffee marker and the next person to come out is the disheveled figure of Agent Davis. Her crystal blue eyes are hidden by black sunglasses, the woman’s usually perfect long brunette hair is currently disheveled, her button up white shirt is supporting some wrinkles while her dark grey blazer is in her left hand along with her bag. She connects the fingers of her right hand with her temple massaging it in a foolish attempt to ease the headache obviously caused by a hangover. 

Amelia tries to walk discreetly in the direction of her desk, hoping she would pass unnoticed by her boss, but she isn’t successful. Seeing her state, Derek whistles and loudly states, “I think someone had a wild night,” he laughs with Prentiss and Penelope. His booming voice affects the balance of Davis, making her stumble over her own feet and before she gets a hold of her chair and tells the man to be quiet, the harsh sound of a door opening echoes through the entire space of the bullpen. 

“Agent Davis. My office. Now,” the chief unit’s demand rings like thunder, giving chills to the ones around.  

“Fuck,” Amy murmurs while taking off her sunglasses  and dropping her belongings on her desk. 

The brunette drags her legs, taking her time along the short way to her boss’s office. 

Amelia feels like she’s in high school and the principal is calling to lecture her, but that’s something she never experienced during her school years since her teachers adored her effort to have the best grades and eagerness to learn. Besides, she could always blast a polite amiable smile to make people bend at her will. It came easily to Amy, being friendly and kind towards others, virtues that paid off and made everyone like her. Well, everyone but him. 

The door to the room is already opened and to Amy, it resembles the entrance of a

scary and dark cave. After she’s inside, she makes sure to close it to shield herself from the curious ears of her coworkers. She goes straight to one of the chairs across from the stoic man, a journey she’s so used to, considering that Hotchner’s constantly expressing his discontent with her whether it was about being a few minutes late, or about a typo in a rapport, or even choosing to use a grey folder instead of the yellow ones. Everything would lead to criticism and by now she would just take it with humor. She mumbles a good morning but Aaron simply ignores it.

“Tell me, Agent, what’s your excuse for today? Two weeks ago there was something wrong with your car, four weeks ago it was a problem with shower. I can’t wait to hear about another one of your misfortunes,” there’s venom watering each word, his eyes colder than a winter day and his entire posture screams irritation.  

Amy thinks how he’s ever so ridge when she’s around. Every time she enters the same room as him, the jet black haired man would instantly go ridge like her mere presence was a heinous crime. She’s used to it and more than happy to demonstrate that she is also offended by his existence.  

“Would you believe me if I told you that my nanny died?” Davis playfully replies and grins, which boils Aaron’s anger further. 

“Do you think this is some sort of joke?” he snaps, standing from his chair and positioning his hands on the desk that separated them. “I can’t have people in this unit that don’t take their job seriously and I don’t have time to endure irresponsibility and lack of respect.” 

I bet you would have a lot of free time if you just left me the fuck alone, dude - Amelia thinks while maintaining eye contact with the man. 

“One more day of tardiness and you will have to suffer consequences. Is that clear enough for you, agent?” he fumes. 

She bites her lips and swallows a bitter response. Not afraid of the outcome, just too tired to deal with her boss’s intensity so early in the day. “Yes, boss.”

“You can leave now,” he grunts and sits back in his chair. Starting to reach for one of the files on his desk; at the same time, Amelia makes a quick way out of the room. Once she gets to her chair, she releases a loud sigh, longing for the day to be over already. 

“That seemed intense.” Emily comments. She and Morgan are in their respectives chairs and Penelope has made her way to her own office - after the end of the show, of course.  

“You have no idea,” Amy answers while starting her work. 

 “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened between the two of you?” Prentiss carefully asks, genuinely curious.

“He’s the one who decided to hate me since my first day, I’m just returning the sentiment,” Davis explains, unbothered by the question, being a curious person herself she knows how it is once interest sparks. That’s when Dr. Reid and Agent Jareau arrive, talking to themselves. Spencer is carrying a notebook with a sketch of a boy’s face in it, moving around the room frantically and picking a telephone. 

“What’s wrong?” Amelia worriedly questions. 

“Need to get that to everyone as soon as possible,” Reid hurriedly explains while making a call. “Detective Barnes, this is Special Agent Doctor Spencer Reid of the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico,” he clarifies to the person on the other side of the phone and continues rapidly, “Have you had recent murders involving prostitutes? They would’ve been stabbed to death and their hair would’ve been cut off by the killer,” that causes the other Agents to exchange confused glances, intrigued by the sudden event. 

“When was the last recent victim?” the Doctor inquires to the Detective on the line. 

Seems like we have a case, Amy processes. 

[pearl-blue-musings]

Perchance to Meet pt. 2 REWRITE

Hi y'all. I'm really sad I have to do this all over again because tumblr goofed up big time. I went to edit this for tags and cleanliness and then next thing I know boom it’s gone. I know it won’t be as good as it was when I first wrote it but I will do my best to recreate what I had. This is what I get for not saving it or not doing so when I TOLD MYSELF TOO 😤 again i’m so sorry and here’s my rewrite

Warnings: suggestive language 18+, i think that’t it!

Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aizawa Shouta is a simple man. Wore clothes that were best for him, always did his duty as a teacher and an underground hero. He was always able to do the right or best thing when it was necessary. Never afraid to back down from what needed to be done.

So why is he standing across the street on his day off from a place he’s been meaning to check out for weeks? He studies the business card in his hand that has the name and address of the building he’s currently staring at. Just for good measure he triple checks the address and store name-

“Personally Yours, Book boutique!”

Black almond eyes widen as Aizawa’s thoughts are perturbed by the loud blond next to him. He’s not sure why he allowed his best friend (don’t tell Hizashi that) to accompany him today to meet the intriguing bartender and bookstore owner. (Y/n) (L/n). That name and face has been plaguing him over the last three weeks from when they first met. The way her hair matched and reflected her personality, her amazing quirk, her willingness to make people’s lives better... 

The way her lips looked incredibly kissable and fuckable at the same time had left him with his hands down his pants many nights.

Aizawa looks to his friend as he sees Hizashi grinning widely from ear to ear, eager about what’s about to happen. It’s been far too long since the blond has seen his friend this worked up over anything, let alone a person! But he knew, deep in his friendly heart, that Aizawa would have done nothing if he didn’t intervene and tell him to go visit her.

“It’s about time you decided to go see her ‘Zawa. It’s been what, like three weeks?” 

“You don’t have to remind me.” Yes, he knew. Aizawa knew we waited two weeks and six days too long to finally reach out or do something. But could the world blame him? He’s a teacher and underground hero already looking for the next class of heroes for U.A.; the man hasn’t had a day off in far too long and now he has one. He can only hope that the lady he kept waiting would understand. But she had to, right?

With what seemed like forever, he finally managed to place one foot in front of the other and cross the street to enter the building. The outside looks quaint, almost too perfect for a bookstore in his opinion. It appears to be one story but there might be living quarters on top of it? Aizawa rolls his shoulders to relieve himself of any tension, turns back to his friend before he promptly goes inside…

And immediately regrets his decision. 

The loud sound that bombarded his ears was something he did not expect. Children. Toddlers maybe, but obnoxious nonetheless. He begins to question whether or not he should stay based on the loudness in the store. However despite the noise, he feels a sense of calmness and home-ness that he felt when he had talked with (Y/n) at the bar. The bookstore smells of cinnamon and vanilla, a combination he thinks he can get used to. The layout seems to be welcoming as well. In the middle, which he assumes is the check out and help desk, is a circular module that has different pathways leading to other parts of the store. Each pathway leads to shelves lined up with all kinds of books, lit above by medium sized lanterns that give the store its unique glow. 

Aizawa surmises that the store is an accurate representation of the bewildering woman he met a few weeks ago. Everything about the size, the layout, the aura reminds him of their plethora of conversations from just one night, and maybe more to come.

He approaches the middle desk in hopes that she would be near. Taking in his surroundings, he realizes that the bulk of the noise is coming from the back, which looks to be a cozy reading nook with bean bag and other comfy chairs surrounded by end tables and ottomans. He can feel the chaotic energy from where he stands.

Hesitantly, he pushes the bell near the cash register. 

“I’ll be right there!”

Stunned at the sound of her voice, he waits patiently but also impatiently for the woman that has been haunting his thoughts for almost a month now to appear. His eyes wander to the counter, however at that moment the sound of sneakers hitting linoleum comes closer to him.

“Hi,” she pants out, holding up a finger. “How, whew, how can I help you…”

She drawls out the last part as she finally sees who had called her attention. Seriously, couldn’t this person know that today was extremely busy? But her thoughts come to a halt when she’s met with deep almond eyes and scruff, even though she’s seen it once, could recognize anywhere.

“Aizawa-san?”

“Just Aizawa is fine. Looks like I came at a bad time?”

“Hah, that’s an understatement,” (Y/n) puffs out. Her eyes must be deceiving her. There’s no way he’s actually here. They had met almost a month ago and it was a meeting she’ll never forget. The hard-working woman is never one to make small talk with her patrons but something about him caught her focus and for the rest of the night and the most of these three weeks, was all she could think about. “Once a month we have a local daycare come in and bring their students to look and explore in the store! Helps them get better at reading and finding out what other things they may like.”

The man before her nods in understanding, unsure of what else to say. He had practiced this moment over and over but now that it’s here he’s unsure of what to do.

“I thought you were never gonna show up. But I’m really glad to see you not in a club, it feels more real I guess?” She paused briefly before beginning again. “I honestly thought I made up the whole thing, or that something was wrong with me…”

“No,” Aizawa interrupts, afraid to hear more. “It’s my fault. I’ve been busy with teaching and being a hero.”

“No I get it. I work two jobs too so I understand how busy you are. I’m glad you’re even here.”

The two of them smile at each other, taking in each others features in that present moment. The feel of familiarity reaches them once again, as if everything around them doesn’t exist and it’s just them. Most of the reason he’s never considered meeting anyone is mostly because of his schedule. Many would find it ridiculous how busy the man is but he cares deeply for what he does and bringing someone new into it would be a whole new level of stress he doesn’t think he needs. He’s married to his job essentially, and so it seems is (Y/n).

Their moment is broken when small hand tugs on the pant leg of (Y/n), stealing her eyes away from his. She looks down to see one of her daycare toddlers staring up at her. The little girl, Yuki, unfaltering in her gaze is clearly demanding attention.

“Oh! Hi Yuki, did you already pick a book to bring home?”

The little girl nods and proceeds to lift her arms above her head, making a grabbing motion with her hands. (Y/n) slyly rolls her eyes and picks up Yuki. Holding her in her arms, (Y/n) turns back to Aizawa.

“This is Yuki. She’s a little shy, soft spoken, but absolutely adorable. She’s also one of my favorites because she’s so quiet.”

Aizawa looks down to the toddler in her arms and doesn’t make any moves to approach. The toddler’s eyes widen at the strange man in front of her, eyes boring into his figure to take him in.

“Hobo.”

“Yuki!”

It takes all of the woman’s strength to not drop the child as her shoulders shake in laughter. Aizawa struggles to hide the embarrassment on his face by looking away from the scene before him. It’s not his fault he prefers to wear all black; it’s slimming and makes him feel comfortable. He’s starting to think that maybe he should have shaved and put his hair in a bun for his day off.

Once his heart has calmed down, he faces the toddler again only to see her being swayed back and forth by (Y/n) as she hums a soothing melody. He knows it’s not a possible thing but his heart skipped a beat at the sight. It was the most domestic thing he’s seen that actually makes him happy.

But at the same time he thinks about having one of his own with her and wanting to fuck her senseless against-

“So I’m guessing this is your day off?”

He stammers, “Uh, yeah. I was hoping we could do something today.”

“Hmm, do something as a date or do something as friends?”

He smirks at her sass, “I’m hoping for the former.”

“That can be arranged. I close early today so, meet me in front of the store at 7?”

“That sounds great, let me give you my number and-“

“Hobo.”

“Yuki!”

She promptly takes the child to the back and excuses herself from the desk. Aizawa searches around him for a spare piece of paper and luckily finds an unneeded receipt and a very purple pen. Once he’s done writing he sees her come back without the child.

“Sorry about that. But, ah, is this your number?”

“Yeah clearly.”

“Well geez, maybe I will put you as hobo in my phone just for that.”

“Please don’t.”

“Oh it’s happening.”

He rolls his eyes at her antics and smiles at her. He doesn’t know what it is, but something about being around her just makes him calm. “Listen, I don’t want to hold you up any longer than I have. But text me when you’re ready. 

“And maybe I’ll give you a night to remember.”

***************************************** He winks at her as he walked out and (Y/n) is left with her heart pumping in her ears. Did she really respond to what Aizawa said with “Oh yeah? Well I hope you do ‘cause maybe I’ll make those fantasies of yours come true. It has been three weeks after all.”? What was that?! She can’t just say she knows what he was thinking by the way his pupils had dilated a couple time, that’s too crazy.

Too weird, nope, she’s not weird at all.

Slapping her cheeks to re-center herself, she approaches the back of her store to meet with the children and her co-workers.

“Finally you’re back,” her co-worker, Kona, sighs. “Who was that? You were gone for a while so I know it wasn’t just another customer.”

“It was, um the guy.”

“Shut up!” he practically shouts, “he came here? After three weeks? Are you gonna see him? Please tell me you’re gonna see him?”

“Kona hush, not in front of the kids.”

He shrugs, “Oh sure, when it’s your sex life it’s all secret secret, but if it’s my sex life everyone has to know!”

(Y/n) slices her hand across her neck. “Shut. It!”

“Fine fine,” he whispers. “But you gotta at least tell me if he gave off daddy vibes at least. Big dick energy? Most guys like that do exude it.”

“You are so lucky I love you or you’d be fired.”

“You didn’t say no,” Kona whisper sang back to her. She did her best to hide the way her eyes widened at that but failed miserably.

Closing time couldn’t come quick enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

here’s the rewrite! @kiribaku-queen @therealwalmartjesus @prk-pyo

[shadowsinger11]

random question, but what's your opinion on Percy Weasley???? (I kinda like him lmao so I was wondering if there were other Percy fans out there)

Hey there! Thanks for the question!

This actually turned out longer than expected, sorry!

Percy Weasley - Analysis

I see why some people have mixed opinions on him to say the least, but I honestly like Percy for a couple of reasons.

It's common sense that we're flawed people and so are supposed to be book characters (otherwise the story wouldn't make sense or be relatable to the readers). Though Percy did some questionable things, if we take a look at how the situation looks from his perspective, we'd be able to understand him much better and even begin to like him.

It's been a year since I read the books so my memory isn't exactly fresh but I'll talk about scenes I can recall.

In SS when we first meet the Weasley family, a few things are clear: Molly is a nice woman with a few kids (though we later find out they're actually 7); Fred and George are the lovable jokers, Ron is the shy first year, Ginny is the youngest of them all and eager to learn magic soon, and Percy is fifth year and a Prefect.

Being a Prefect is an honorable status no matter how many people mock Percy for it. He's proud of this and he should be. It's not an easy thing to earn the teachers' trust and to be given such a responsibility. And yet, his family ignores him and dismisses his achievements, taking them and him for granted.

When he's excited to tell his parents and siblings about his important (important to him) essays about leaky cauldrons, we all see what happens. The twins call him annoying and the rest just straight up ignore him. It's not like Percy himself purposely wanted to bother his own family, he wished to share his passion for wanting to work for the Ministry.

And thus, after being dropped so many times, Percy slowly grows bitter. He becomes more hostile towards his family who, in return, thinks of him more badly than before. Percy stops talking to them altogether and he doesn't even want to be associated with them. Why would you when your loved ones don't support you?

And then comes the Minister. The authority figure Percy would need when everyone else ignores him. Fudge (I think it was him at the time, correct me if I'm wrong) is man with years of experience in politics and he takes a special interest in Percy. Why wouldn't Percy be happy that someone finally appreciates him and his hard work? Why wouldn't he be flattered? Fudge is the only source of validation Percy has at that moment and it only makes sense that he'd try to get some of the attention and respect he's been lacking for so long. That's why he leaves the Weasleys.

However, Voldemort returns and the Ministry is in denial. But Percy had already run away long ago and his family now freely expresses its great dislike towards him. Percy is obviously the black sheep among them. But despite the Ministry's ignorant actions, Percy sticks with Fudge as long as he can because, if he suddenly leaves this new comfortable place where he gets the validation he's needed, where could he possibly go? Who would even want him? He'd be a nobody once again.

In DH we see him reuniting with the Weasleys after all these years and it's bittersweet because we find out how sorry Percy is for the things he's done and how he's been afraid to do the right thing after realizing what that was. Percy is redeemed.

Percy and Ron, in my opinion, are the most relatable characters in the series because they struggle with things which many of us do too. Percy's character arc goes from "good" to "bad", and back to "good" and that's why I think he's one of the best developed yet underrated characters.

I have the strong urge to shave off a person's eyebrows when they say that Percy is bad, a bully or that he didn't deserve redemption. Draco, although one of my faves, is an example of a bully. Percy is not. He's just an ambitious teenager who went after the only nearby source of much needed validation, and he apologized for his actions at the end.

Yes, Percy Weasley is a good guy and a great character.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #522

haven’t been feelin’ surveys as much the past few days, but anyway, here’s one from yesterday.

Have you ever lived in the same street as some of your relatives? No. Have you ever ridden on a Segway? No. Have you ever performed in a talent show? No. Have you ever been to a house auction? No. Have you ever worked in retail? Tragically. Have you ever participated in a fundraiser? Yes. Have you ever been fired? No. Never really worked long enough to. Have you ever grown your own fruits or vegetables? I grew habaneros once. Have you ever been on an upside-down rollercoaster? Fuck no. Have you ever been swimming with dolphins or sharks? No. I would like to swim with dolphins, though. Have you ever seen a whale? Only at SeaWorld, which I would never, ever revisit. Have you ever slept in a tent? Yeah, as a kid. Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero clue. What was the first social media site you ever used? Myspace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One, yes. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Do you like Slipknot? I love them. What do you think of Gorillaz? Not a big fan, but a couple songs are okay. What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? My first prom night. It was just a wonderful evening with great memories, even though they hurt now. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Get over Jason. Years ago I never, EVER thought it would be possible. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Um the first one that came to mind is how male anglerfish are literally absorbed over time into the female they attach to mate with. Nature is wild bro. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? I just like plain, double-stuffed ones. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Never tried for one. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Oh, who even knows. Something real dumb, I'm certain. How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Inhumane and just in general vile as all fuck hell. Have you ever made bread? No. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? I don't think so. Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? I'm already considering having Teddy's face be part of my tribute tattoo to him. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I mean, it really depends on the scent... Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? No. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? No. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Burned alive, 100%. Both are obviously awful, but at least with drowning, you go unconscious first. Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? No. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? I'm certainly afraid. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? If there was no decent chance of me getting better, please end my misery. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? I'd leave it up to them. In a way, I'd want them to lead their life normally and get to experience a proper education and friends, but at the same time, school can be hell. I'd just let them pick. According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? This story, even when I identified as Christian, always pissed me off. It's a fucking apple, and curiosity is human nature. Not to mention God never gave them an actual, valid fucking reason. Oh yeah, and let's just damn the entirety of humanity for two people's harmless action. Which parent named you? My ma. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They were all for different reasons. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No. What's one thing you got rid of that. you wish you hadn't? My favorite childhood toy. Have you ever witnessed an eclipse? I've seen a lot of lunar eclipses. If you could work at any retail store, which one would it be? Ugh how about none? What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman! Would you have kids with the last person you kissed? Neither of us want kids, so. How liberal are you? Quite. I feel like I get more and more so as time goes on; like I feel that the major focus of liberalism is "you do you" so long as it's not harming someone else, so... I'm not about to say "hey you can't do that" when it makes that person happy and does me no harm. I'm not going to pretend I don't have any conservative ideals at all, because I do, but for the most part, I'd definitely say I'm pretty liberal. Things change, and I think liberalism accommodates that. Would you mind living near large predatory animals? Nah. Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? No. What’s your biggest priority right now? ugh bro idk bc I'm not doing a good job taking care of ANYTHING Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? In the case of self-defense, that's right where I'm aiming. I wouldn't shoot anyone in any other case. Have you ever sold drugs? No. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Do you have more than one personality? No. Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological, 100%. That's far more genuine horror, imo. Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I literally couldn't care less whether or not anybody shaves. Body hair is natural and not inherently gross, and the stigma that it is needs to end already. Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? No. Do you talk in your sleep? More like shriek. My nightmares have been ramping up again, even with my mask... What was the last song you listened to? "A Different World" by Korn ft. Corey Taylor. If the Internet never existed, what do you think you'd be doing now? That's a scary thought, honestly. I'd probably be a much, much more successful person, honestly. Maybe I'd be an artist. Do you think weed culture is annoying? People who make it their entire life and personality are annoying, yes. I'm not against weed if used knowledgably and responsibly, but holy shit, your whole identity should not be a drug. Have you ever stayed in a relationship even though you didn't love that person? No. Do you ever listen to "lo-fi hip hop" on YouTube? No. Do you like your cookies soft or hard? SOFT AND GOOEY. I'll eat them because hello, they're still cookies, but I'm really not a fan of hard ones. Have you ever had to perform CPR on someone? No. I don't even know how. Have you ever been bitten by a dog? Not a serious bite, no. Just like gentle, playful ones generally from puppies. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? Yep, more than once. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? Sara, for helping me through some really dark thoughts a few days ago. What's the longest you've ever stayed as a guest at someone's house? Uhhh a month or two when we were technically homeless and Colleen let me stay with her. Would you consider yourself to be poor, middle class, or rich? I recently overheard my mom on the phone mention we're below the poverty line, so that was great to learn. Do you have any sort of debt? Who doesn't, if we're being honest... When was the last time you swam in a pool? Not since Mom and I regularly went to the gym last year... What do you do with your plastic grocery bags after you unload your things? We bunch them all together to save them and reuse, like for cleaning the cat's litter. Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? No, actually. Was today better than yesterday? Today's too young, really. But yesterday was pretty boring. What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? Career shit. Just crap regarding the future. Do you think you will dye your hair when you start going gray? I doubt my desire to dye my hair will eeeever go away. Name three items on your wishlist right now. An industrial ear piercing, a new laptop, and because I'm big into my Silent Hill phase again ha ha, I'm dying for a Robbie the Rabbit plush I've been asking for since high school, dead-ass. Mom's just never wanted to get it because his mouth is all bloodied. Are you more talented musically or artistically or neither? Artistically, for sure. Have you ever visited a teacher at their home? Yes. Do you hate social classes? I fucking disdain them. Some people have so little control over their monetary position and no one deserves to suffer or even die because of a bullshit system where we put worth into a piece of green fucking paper. Social classes are so inexplicably unfair. I'm getting fucking heated just answering this short question. Ever collected shells at the beach? Yeah, I liked doing that as a kid. Were you ever homeschooled? I was homebound briefly in middle school. Do you know anyone named Chris? My sister had a shitty ex-boyfriend with that name. Do you cook to music? I don't cook. Have you ever told someone you hated them? Regrettably, my dad. If you had to get a tattoo of any lyric/quote, what would it be and why? I mean, it's not technically a significant quote, but Mark reminds his fanbase all the time how much faith he has in absolutely everyone to achieve great things, so I would DIIIIIIIEEEEE if I could get "I believe in you" in his handwriting tattooed next to my tribute tat to him like y'all don't understand aklsdj;lakwje Favorite thing to do on Facebook? I just like scrolling and especially seeing good news from friends and stuff, even though at the same time it tends to frustrate me because I'm not going anywhere fast. If you could meet one celebrity, who would you want it to be? Mark, obvs. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes!! If you could learn a new skill, what would that skill be? I wanna be able to draw hyperrealistically. Do you prefer reading a hardcover book or read electronic books? I strongly prefer physical books. Do you have a favourite brand of clothing? CLOOOOAAAAK. They just released a Valentine's Day line and I want a shirt so badly. :( Who is a mentor to you? I mean I guess in technicality, it would really be my therapist and psychiatrist. Do you suffer from insomnia or sleep apnea? I do have a very hard time falling asleep at night (oddly enough, only at night; naps are easy), and I'm actually diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. What states have you been to in the past year? I haven't left NC. What year was your house built? I have zero clue. What's your favorite superhero movie? I'm don't actively seek out superhero films, but I remember I deeply loved Logan when I saw it on a date. What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Definitely swimming. What's the longest you've worked without a day off? I have no recollection of any "streaks" I had during my very brief work experiences. How's your mental health? Are you feeling well? lol nooooo Do you struggle with acne? I haven't since I reached like, I wanna say 19. Did you have a Xanga page back in the pre-Myspace days? No. Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? Definitely RP as a hobby. I have a great number of unorthodox interests too for sure, probably most notably vulture culture, my own "contribution" to the subject being roadkill photography. What's something that would make you incredibly happy right now? To lose a shit-ton of weight. Have you ever fostered an animal? No. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had cold leftover pizza from last night.

[tomesandsuch]

Pathways

I see them.

They’re spiraling out. They’re headed off where I cannot see.

I have to follow them regardless. They know the way.

It’s fog against the black night. To stray from it is death. 

Come on. It’s just like I taught you.

Take my hand.

--

The tips of his fingers raked ever-growing piles of black mud back over the ground as they closed into fists, the boy’s weight rested down on his knuckles. What remained of his hair that hadn’t been shaved off his scalp was tied into a braid, its end dirtied from the soil it laid in, draped across the damp ground. He saw the hem of his master’s robe at the very edge of his vision, drifting across the mud but never touching it, floating above it clean and unsullied. The old man’s leather-bound sandals left long, ovular depressions in the earth, and it was by those the student knew that he’d passed by. Whether or not he’d cast his gaze upon him was another matter, for he only dared lift his eyes so high. 

Yet, it was by the squelching and the rustling of fabric that he knew the master lurked near. His gaze, his judgement, came with it, and so he had no choice but to ignore the searing pain at his gut. He pulled himself to his feet with as much furor as his frustratingly-small frame could muster. It wasn’t much. He could feel the silent judgement of his master upon him. But he dared not lay still. He sprung from his back foot and continued down the path. It wasn’t long before he came to them again: sticks, their gnarled, wooden shape laid jagged in a haphazard path between the rocks. 

His feet came upon them with pangs of discomfort, and those quickly gave way to pain. Unwelcome as it was, it wasn’t unexpected, and it didn’t trouble him for long, as that same haste had driven him to recklessness, and he fell from high again, crashing into the still-soft earth. It was certainly no small amount of luck that had kept him from falling some fulms away, onto the jagged stones.

Still, it wasn’t enough luck to keep him from falling in the first place.

“You’re going too fast. That’s the problem. That’s *been* the problem. Do you just ignore the things that I say? Listen, for once in your damned life. Slow down. Just a little. Then you’ll be fine. It’s easy. It’s real, real easy.”

“Nothing frustrates me more than when somebody finds a way to take an easy task and make it difficult.”

“But, then again, you’ve always possessed a talent for frustrating me, haven’t you?”

–

I don’t think I’ve ever been as scared in my life as I was when I saw him go up that hill. The old man had just sat everybody down near the shore when we noticed he hadn’t returned with the rest of them. I didn’t think anything of it, at the time. Whatever part of me that would’ve taken notice that something was off, I’d managed to quell. For my own sake.

When I took off running back up the trail, I’d only heard confused murmurs, uneven calls that disappeared into the sound of rushing air. It was only when I heard the shifting of robes and the clattering of his silver necklace that I knew Teacher was behind me. He was the only one that had followed. 

It was a steep, winding path. When we’d climbed it before, our steps had to be slow, paced steadily apart. Otherwise, your own weight would take you off your heels. All things considered, we paced ourselves pretty well, knowing what we knew. Well, I did. The old man never seemed the least bit worried. That was just how he was. At least when it came to one of us. Unshakeable. I don’t think he intended it to be any other way.

There was a tall, jagged stone that barred the path, jutting abruptly from the smooth curve of the hill. I guess that’s why they called it a ‘horn’. I was almost too afraid to go around it. I knew it obscured the very edge of the rock. The old man wasn’t having it: he went right on ahead, nearly shoved me off of the path entirely when I hesitated for even the briefest of moments. Yet the hem of his robe had only just begun to cross behind the rock when I sprinted after him, so desperate to not let him reach the top alone that I would’ve clawed my way there on all fours if I had to.

–

He was perched past where the trail ended, at the very edge of the rock where the ground beneath him grew horribly thin, and the wind listed him worryingly in either direction when it came. The old man didn’t miss so much as a single step, making his way up the trail undeterred by the boy’s precarious position. He only stopped with further urging, the boy’s feet crossing the precious few ilms between where he stood and where the ground ceased to be entirely. He finally came to a stop at where the trail ended, likely no more than ten or twelve fulms from the boy.

With the old man, it was in the way he talked. That throaty voice of his would take on a particular timbre. A particular tone. When you heard that, you knew everything was about to take a turn for the worst. If you had asked me then what I felt about him, all I would’ve told you is that he was a very wrathful man. Maybe the most I’d ever seen.

His words came bitter through half-clenched teeth. “Get down from there.”

The boy didn’t answer; instead he stared, unblinking, at the old man, his entire body motionless on that pitiful scrap of land beneath him.

A cant of the hooded man’s head, a pointed ear of his escaping the garment. 

“Did you come all this way thinking I was going to beg?”

I didn’t get a word out before I saw him turn around, that familiar scowl etched on his face, and start back down the path. He called back behind him as he rounded the jagged stone.

“I have never questioned your resolve. You’ve done a good enough job of that on your own. Make of it what you will.”

Those were his parting words, save for that piercing shout of my name from the other side of the rock calling me after him. I didn’t dare hesitate again. So I started back down the path, my back to the edge of the rock. I stifled the urge to look, to turn around and see if he was still perched there. It was only after we’d reached the base of the hill that he regained that spring to his step, as if he’d just awoken from a restful sleep. I could never really tell how he felt, save for that. I suppose I was just hesitant to fully grasp what it meant. Few and far between were the times it ever meant anything good.

[comrade-meow]

[‘Assignment to Slave Labour’, Auschwitz, Poland, c.1940. US Holocaust Memorial Museum.]

Menstruation and the Holocaust

Periods are a fact of life, but little talked about. How did women in the concentration camps cope with the private being made public in the most dire and extreme circumstances?

Menstruation is rarely a topic that comes to mind when we think about the Holocaust and has been largely avoided as an area of historical research. This is regrettable, as periods are a central part of women’s experience. Oral testimonies and memoirs show that women felt ashamed discussing menstruation during their time in the concentration camps, but, at the same time, they kept bringing the subject up, overcoming the stigma that is attached to them.

Typically, menstruation has been seen as a medical problem to be overcome rather than as a natural occurrence and a part of life. Medical historians, for example, have explored the forced experiments in sterilisation that were conducted in Auschwitz. Sabine Hildebrandt examined the research of the pathologist Hermann Stieve, who experimented on female political prisoners awaiting execution in Plötzensee. Stieve looked at the effect stress had on the reproductive system. Similarly, Anna Hájková has written about the Jewish Theresienstadt prisoner and physician František Bass’ research on amenorrhoea, the loss of menstruation, which focused on how it was caused by the shock of incarceration. Interestingly, however, almost all this research discussed ovulation (and its lack) rather than menstruation, even though both are part of the same biological function.

Periods impacted on the lives of female Holocaust victims in a variety of ways: for many, menstruation was linked to the shame of bleeding in public and the discomfort of dealing with it. Periods also saved some women from being sexually assaulted. Equally, amenorrhoea could be a source of anxiety: about fertility, the implications for their lives after the camps and about having children in the future.

A much-cited argument in Holocaust scholarship, made by Hannah Arendt, is that the totalitarian regime of the camps broke human solidarity, making them a very isolating place to be. But, contrary to this view, periods could provide moments of bonding and solidarity among prisoners: many older women gave help to teenagers, who experienced their first period alone after their families had been murdered. When we look for it, many survivors talk with great openness about their periods. Having or not having a period could shape daily experience of the camps.

What is a woman?

After deportation to camps and ghettos, due to malnutrition and shock, a significant number of female Holocaust victims of reproductive age stopped menstruating. Many were afraid that they would be left infertile after their bodies were forced to their limits, making the intrinsic link between periods and fertility apparent and increasingly central to their lives. Gerda Weissman, originally from Bielsko in Poland and 15 years old during her incarceration, later reflected that a key reason she wanted to survive was because she wanted to have children. She described it as ‘an obsession’. Similarly, the French publicist, resistance fighter and Auschwitz survivor Charlotte Delbo mentions a discussion that took place among a room full of women:

“It’s upsetting not to go through those unclean period … You begin to feel like an old woman. Timidly, Big Irene asked: ‘And what if they never come back afterwards?’ At her words a ripple of horror swept over us … Catholics crossed over themselves, others recited the Shema; everyone tried to exorcise this curse the German were holding over us: sterility. How could one sleep after that?”

These reactions reflected both religious and cultural diversity, showing that regardless of faith, culture or nationality, it was a worry all could relate to. The historian of Holocaust literature S. Lillian Kremer argued that, in addition to the fear of becoming infertile, the prisoners’ uncertainty over whether their fertility would return if they survived made the loss of menstruation a ‘dual psychological assault’ on female identity.

Upon entry into the camp, prisoners were given shapeless clothing and had their heads shaved. They lost weight, including from their hips and breasts, two areas commonly associated with femininity. Oral testimonies and memoirs show that all of these changes compelled them to question their identities. When reflecting on her time in Auschwitz, Erna Rubinstein, a Polish Jew who was 17 when in the camps, asked in her memoir, The Survivor in Us All: Four Young Sisters in the Holocaust (1986): ‘What is a woman without her glory on her head, without hair? A woman who doesn’t menstruate?’

[Untitled drawing by Nina Jirsíková, 1941. Remembrance and Memorial Ravensbrück/SBG, V780 E1.]

It is only due to the commercialisation of a natural physical occurrence that we now have resources such as pads and tampons that are specifically geared towards easing the ‘inconvenience’ of menstruation. Terms such as ‘sanitary equipment’ show that menstruation is treated as a health and hygiene concern - something to be sanitised. The reality of the camps, however, meant that menstruation was hard to avoid or hide. Its suddenly public nature took many women by surprise and made them feel alienated. An additional obstacle was the lack of rags and the lack of opportunities to wash. Trude Levi, a Jewish-Hungarian nursery teacher, then aged 20, later recalled: ‘We had no water to wash ourselves, we had no underwear. We could go nowhere. Everything was sticking to us, and for me, that was perhaps the most dehumanising thing of everything.’ Many women have talked about how menstruating with no access to supplies made them feel subhuman. It is the specific ‘dirt’ of menstruation more than any other dirt, and the fact that their menstrual blood marked them as female, that made these women feel as though they were the lowest level of humanity.

The humiliation was furthered by the struggle of finding rags. Julia Lentini, a 17-year-old Romani from Biedenkopf in Germany, spent her summer months travelling through the country with her parents and 14 siblings. She was placed on kitchen detail during her time in Auschwitz-Birkenau and later Schlieben. She discusses in her testimony how women had to learn tricks for survival when it came to menstruation in the camps. ‘You took the undergarment slip they gave you, ripped it and made little rags, and guarded those little rags like they were gold … you rinsed them out a little bit, put them under the mattress and dried them, then nobody else could steal the little rags.’ Rags were precious and, being so, they were not immune to theft. Some people compensated by using other materials. Gerda Weissman recalls: ‘It was a hard thing because you had no supplies you know. You had to find little pieces of paper and some things from under the loos.’

Rags could almost be considered to have their own micro-economy. As well as being stolen, they were given away, borrowed and traded. Elizabeth Feldman de Jong’s testimony highlights the value of second-hand rags. Not long after she arrived at Auschwitz, her periods disappeared. Her sister, however, continued to menstruate every month. Experiments involving injections in the womb were common, but if a woman was on her period doctors often avoided operating, finding it too messy. One day, Elizabeth was called to have an operation. There were no clean clothes as opportunities to wash were limited, so Elizabeth put her sister’s underwear on and showed the doctor, telling him that she had her period. He refused to operate. Elizabeth realised she could use her sister’s situation to save herself from experimentation and did so another three times at Auschwitz.

Shame and salvation

Livia Jackson, barely old enough to menstruate, felt repulsion at seeing blood flowing down the legs of another girl during roll call: ‘I would rather die than have blood flowing down my legs.’ Her reaction conveys a common attitude: although the lack of access to supplies to stem their menstrual flow was not their fault, many women still felt ashamed.

Scholar Breanne Fahs argues that women’s bodies are viewed as ‘leaky and troublesome’ and their bodily functions are seen as inconvenient, distasteful and unhygienic. Men, on the other hand, tend to receive praise for their secretions: urine, flatulence and semen can be seen as humorous, even sexy. Yet the very notion that periods are repulsive could save women during the Holocaust from being raped. Doris Bergen’s classic discussion of sexual violence in the Holocaust includes an interesting example of two Polish-Jewish women assaulted by Wehrmacht soldiers:

On 18 February 1940 in Petrikau, two sentries … abducted the Jewess Machmanowic (age eighteen) and the Jewess Santowska (age seventeen) at gunpoint from their parents’ homes. The soldiers took the girls to the Polish cemetery; there they raped one of them. The other was having a period at the time. The men told her to come back in a few days and promised her five zlotys.

Similarly, Lucille Eichengreen, a young German-Jewish prisoner, recalled in her memoir that during her imprisonment in a Neuengamme satellite camp in the winter of 1944-5, she had found a scarf and was thrilled: she planned to use it to cover her shorn head. Worried that she would be punished for owning a prohibited object, Eichengreen hid the scarf between her legs. Later, a German guard took her aside and, while attempting to rape her, groped her between her legs and felt the scarf. The man exclaimed: ‘You dirty useless whore! Phooey! You’re bleeding!’ His error protected Lucille from rape. In discussing these stories, we must discern the irony at hand: it is rape that should be viewed as disgusting and menstruation as natural and acceptable.

Camp families

Some teenagers experienced their first period in the camps alone, separated from their families or orphaned. In such cases, older prisoners provided help and advice. Tania Kauppila, a Ukrainian in Mühldorf concentration camp, was 13 when she started her periods. She did not know what was happening and shed many tears. She was scared that she was going to die and did not know what to do. Older women in the camp taught her and others in the same position about periods. The girls were taught how to handle it and what they needed to do in order to cope with the blood flow. It was a different learning process than they would have had at home: ‘You tried to steal a piece of brown paper, you know, from the bags and do the best you can’, recalled Kauppila. This story reoccurs across numerous oral testimonies. Many orphaned survivors who had just started mentioned the help of older women, who took on both a sisterly and motherly role in helping these young girls, before they experienced potential amenorrhoea; older women usually lost their period within the first two or three months of imprisonment.

Feminist scholars such as Sibyl Milton have pointed out the female ‘camp families’ that formed. It is striking, however, that the sisterhood of menstruation has not been written about. As Lentini highlights, if a girl got her period and did not know who to talk to, an older woman would usually ‘explain it very simply’. Twenty-year-old Hungarian Vera Federman spent time in Auschwitz and the Allendorf. She and a friend were able to get work in the kitchen, a precious job. Eating extra potatoes caused their periods to come back and then both girls stole rags from the female guards. This theft, of course, put them in great danger (not to mention the threat of losing their job), but Federman stressed the solidarity with her friend as they teamed up to help each other. In the often violent world of the camps, older women were willing to help educate unknown young girls, expecting nothing in return.

Gendered social networks of support and help developed in the camps. Arendt wrote that ‘the camps are meant not only to exterminate people and degrade human beings, but also serve the ghastly experiment of eliminating, under scientifically controlled conditions, spontaneity itself as an expression of human behaviour’. The female solidarity brought about by the shared experience of menstruation, however, tells another story.

After the liberation, the majority of those who suffered amenorrhoea during their time in the concentration camps eventually started menstruating again. The return of periods was a joyous occasion for many. London-born Amy Zahl Gottlieb was, at 24, the youngest member of the first Jewish Relief Unit ever posted overseas. While discussing her work with liberated camp members in her interview with the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, Gottlieb described how women began to lead normal lives and started to menstruate again; they were thrilled to be able to start having children. Menstruation became a symbol of their freedom. One survivor spoke of it as ‘my womanhood returning’.

The study of menstruation, a topic that has until now been perceived as irrelevant, or even disgusting, gives us a far more nuanced view of women’s experience of the Holocaust. We can see how notions of menstruation, rape, sterility and sisterhood changed in the camps. It seems that periods, a long-stigmatised topic, became, sometimes in the space of only months, a legitimate topic for women in camps.

Following the recent turns to cultural history, the history of the senses and the history of the body, we also need to recognise menstruation as valid and as defining victims’ experiences during the Holocaust.

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European Network of Migrant Women