#that whole thing was a weird psychological game to them i think

[everyurlithinkofistoolong]

Remembering the time i went for an extended interview for a company and during the team lunch portion i learned that 3/5 of the people on that team had parents who worked in the same company. Anyways i didnt get the job.

[cinnabeat]

i love how kh games are just sometimes psychological horrors

[designernishiki]

sometimes i kinda wish mirei wasn't killed off because boy the divorced exes dynamic with majima could've been so god damn funny

[atlabeth]

heat lightning

pt 1 / pt 3

pairing: spencer reid x fem gideon!reader

summary: you end up at the heart of the bau's latest case.

a/n: took way too long but here's more gideon reader! just as irritable as ever with some actual human emotions this time around. send help and prayers bc she's gonna need it. and before you ask there will in fact be some more parts to close up this case, i just have to write them first and it may take approximately 10 years. thank you for your consideration

wc: 4.1k

warning(s): reader still has daddy issues, still hates spence, and still argues w gideon the whole time. more angst! typical cm case stuff (a stalker that has taken vulnerable pics of reader) read w/ discretion if you are sensitive to those things. more drama and more tension and more not being a good time for anyone but me

“On your right, pretty boy.” 

Spencer stops as Morgan rushes past him back to his desk, eyes trained on the hallway. 

“Why are you in such a hurry?” he complains. “I nearly spilled my coffee.”

“Gideon’s daughter is here again,” he says. “Did you not feel the temperature drop five degrees?”

Spencer frowns. He opens his mouth to say something when he hears the telltale signs of your arrival: arguing. 

“—so typical of you! I have to drop everything the moment you need me, but it’s like pulling teeth to get you to listen to me.”

Gideon turns the corner with you in tow. He has a duffle bag in one hand and a file in his other, his brow furrowed in frustration. 

“That’s because this is important,” he says. 

“Oh, and everything else I try to get you to be around for isn’t?” 

“You know that isn’t what I meant,” Gideon says, keeping his voice level. 

“This is ridiculous,” you spit. 

“It’s necessary,” he corrects. “I’m not going to play games with your safety.” 

“Oh, yeah,” you mock. “Because you’ve always cared about that.” 

He just shakes his head. “I’m not debating this with you.”

“Why? Because you’ll realize that it’s ridiculous?”

You follow Gideon into his office and Spencer watches him close the blinds. The door slams shut, and though he can still hear the muffled argument he can’t make anything out.

“Oh, great,” Morgan says. “Now we can’t even get Reid to read their lips.”

“I don’t think we need it to know what they’re talking about,” Elle says. “They’ve been arguing since she was brought in.”

“Of course they have,” JJ says. “Gideon sent Hotch to pick her up instead of doing it himself. She sees it as another slight.”

“She sees everything as a slight,” Spencer says. “She hates him.” 

“I don’t blame her,” Morgan mutters. “Not when we only found out about her last month.” 

“Surely this isn’t helping with anything,” JJ says wryly. 

Elle shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. Sometimes pointless arguing makes you feel better, even when you’re in the wrong.” 

“That’s enough, agents.” Spencer’s attention—along with everyone else’s—snaps to the top of the bullpen to see Hotch holding a file with the same expression as always. “I need you all in the conference room.” 

“Does it have anything to do with that?” Morgan asks, tilting his head towards Gideon’s office. 

“You’ll find out,” he says. Hotch starts walking to the conference room, the conversation clearly over. 

JJ sighs as she stands up and grabs the files on her desk. “I’ll get Penelope. The rest of you try not to gossip too much.” 

She goes off, and the others disperse back to their desk to finish up some last-minute things before the case takes them away. Spencer can’t tear his eyes away from Gideon’s office, even though he’s not getting anything. 

All he can think about is the last time you were here, when he got caught in the middle of your argument with Gideon—your dad, which was still a little weird—and he can’t help but feel guilty. 

Gideon is a father figure to him, sure, but it isn’t that difficult to end up with that dynamic when Spencer’s the youngest on the team. And he can go into everything about his father leaving and the psychology of that, but it doesn’t matter. Gideon treated him like a son when he had a daughter all along that he’d been neglecting. 

For all Spencer knows, it is his fault. 

“Reid,” Elle says, snapping him out of his thoughts, “you coming?”

“Yeah,” he says, nodding far too many times as he catches up to her in a few quick strides. “Sorry.”

“No need,” she remarks. “Gideon’s kid was all anyone could talk about when she first showed up here. This is only gonna make things worse.”

“He can’t really be that bad of a dad,” Spencer says, “right?”

“All I know is that having a parent in the force rarely ends well,” Elle murmurs. She opens the door to the conference room and looks at him. “We can’t be too hard on her when we probably see Gideon more than she does.”

Spencer recalls his meeting with you, how he barely got a word in edgewise while you spent the whole time arguing with someone half the office viewed as immovable. 

“Yeah,” he says distantly. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

-

“Why? Because you’ll realize that it’s ridiculous?” 

Your dad shuts the blinds on all the windows in his office, then closes the door behind you. He sets your duffle down on the floor then looks at you, that infuriatingly even expression still unchanged.

“It’s not ridiculous,” he says. “Sit down and lower your voice, please. We have some things to talk about.” 

“I gathered that when you sent your guy to pick me up,” you say, crossing your arms as he walks over to his desk. “Couldn’t even do it yourself?” 

“Aaron Hotchner is the chief of this unit and one of the most accomplished agents here,” he says. “He lives closer to you than I do, and I asked him to pick you up on his way in because I knew you would be safe with him. Sit down, please.” 

“There it is again. My safety.” You remain standing. “Tell me what this is about. I’m missing work right now— I know you can understand that, at least.” 

He lets out a sigh as he says your name and looks at you. “Can we get through this without any arguments for once?” 

“That depends. Are you going to treat me like your daughter or an inconvenience?” 

“You’re my daughter, I love you, and your life is in danger,” he says evenly. 

You open your mouth to retort, but your dad opens the file in his hands and sets it down on the other side of the desk. You can see from your position that they’re photos, but your curiosity ultimately wins out. You walk over to get a closer look, and any words die in your throat as you pick up the first photo. 

A photo of you. 

You pick up the next one, only to see it’s another picture of you. At least ten photos are tucked away in the file, and they’re all of you. Taken outside your work, at your apartment, on your morning run— god, there’s even one taken through the window of your bedroom, half-naked in a towel after a shower. 

You fall silently into the chair, your heart hammering inside your chest as your eyes dart between all of the photos. You want to crawl out of your skin. 

“What the fuck is this?” you breathe. 

“The heart of our newest case,” your dad says. “It appears that you have a stalker.” 

“Yeah,” you whisper, eyes still glued to your oblivious self, “I would fucking think so.”

“These photos were dropped off at my door this morning,” he says, and he flips to the next section of the file, “with that note.”

The erratic handwriting instantly stands out to you as you pick the photocopy up, the lump in your throat growing with every word you read. 

such a pretty little thing. I wonder if she knows it.

you don’t care about her, but I do. she’s just like all the rest of us, everyone that you’ve ruined.

think about your priorities, agent gideon. I’ll be watching.  

“What the fuck is this?” you repeat. Blood pounds in your skull as a distant chill creeps down your spine. “I— I’m one of your cases now?” 

“We’re not sure yet,” he admits. “These only appeared yesterday, but from the looks of it, the unsub has been watching you for a while. Can you pinpoint when any of these photos were taken? 

You stare at him. “Some psycho has been stalking me for a while?” 

Your dad says your name again, slightly strained. “Please. I know this is difficult to think about, but figuring out a time frame would help us.” 

“Difficult,” you scoff. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.” 

But it doesn’t have the bite your words usually hold. For once, you don’t think you’re mad at your dad. You think you’re terrified. 

“...Yeah,” you finally murmur, and you pick up one of the photos. “I thrifted a mirror a month ago, and this one doesn’t have it.”

Your dad nods, and he picks up two others. “Neither do these.” 

“So this has been going on for at least a month,” you say bitterly. “Great.”

Your dad says your name, quieter this time, and when you finally look at him his eyes have softened. 

“We’re going to figure this out,” he says. “This is a threat against an FBI agent’s family, and it will be treated accordingly. Forensics is doing tests on all the original copies to try and find a lead. The whole BAU will be on your case—I will be on it, and we won’t rest until we find whoever’s doing this.” 

“Yeah,” you say numbly. “You sure that’ll help? Because it looks like all this is happening because I’m your daughter.” 

“I know this is scary,” he says. “This… this is nothing like you’ve ever dealt with before. You shouldn’t have to deal with it. But you have to trust my team. We know what we’re doing.” 

“Of course you know what you’re doing,” you say. “You’re always here.” 

Your words have no bite behind them, more of an instinct as you grab your purse from the ground. You can feel the pinpricks of incoming tears, and you refuse to cry in front of your dad. 

“I— I need a minute,” you say. “This is all just—” 

“I understand,” he says. “Just don’t go far. Stay on this floor.”

You nod and start towards the door, but you pause right before you reach it. Your mouth opens as you try to think of something to say, but it falls shut just as quickly. You shake your head as you reach for the door handle, but before you get the chance, it swings open and you’re met with a familiar face. 

Spencer Reid, the kid your dad likes more than you. He’s nothing less than surprised to see you, from his stumbled step back, the slightly wide eyes, his hand poised to knock on the door. 

A mumbled apology falls from your lips as you move around him, and you can still feel his eyes on you as you speed off. You wonder what ideas he and the rest of the BAU have drawn up about you since your last visit to the office. 

You don’t really care. 

True to your word, you don’t go far—just to the bathroom. Thankfully it’s close, because the moment you make it to one of the stalls, knees stinging as you fall to the tiled floor, you vomit. 

By the time you’ve expelled the contents of your stomach, it feels just as empty as the rest of you. You stare at the wall, breathing slightly harried and skin warm to the touch, and you resist the urge to punch it. 

You have a stalker. Someone has been watching you for a month—at least a month, maybe longer—and you had no fucking clue, and now your only decent hope lies with your dad and his team. 

Normally, you wrote off anything depending on your dad as fruitless, but this involved the thing he loved more than anything in the world: his job. 

You huff a wry laugh at the thought. This wouldn’t get solved because it concerned you, it would get solved because it concerned his job. 

You stand up and walk over to the sink. You rinse your mouth, then just stare at yourself in the mirror. 

It— it feels strange. Looking at yourself like this, knowing someone has been—still is—watching you. 

You recall their words. 

Pretty little thing. 

You don’t care about her, but I do. 

A chill crawls up your spine. You can’t shake the dread settling all over you. 

What the fuck are you going to do?

You have to trust your dad, but you’ve never trusted your dad. God, he’s not even really your dad. He’s Senior Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon, nothing more—the estranged kid is an unfortunate side effect of the estranged wife.

You let out another breathy laugh. Would he even care if this psycho actually ends up killing you? 

You stand there for another couple minutes, time idling in the background as you continue to stare at the mirror. 

You haven’t cried, at least. That’s certainly something.

The door opens ever so slightly and someone says your name. Your eyes flick to the mirror almost immediately as your body tenses, and you recognize her as one of the BAU’s agents. She’s pretty and blonde with sympathetic eyes, and you know they’ve been briefed on your situation. 

If you have to deal with an office of pitying looks, you think you might lose your mind. 

“Are you alright?” she asks softly. 

“Just peachy,” you mumble. “My dad ask you to check up on me?” 

She nods. “You can imagine why Gideon is a bit high strung at the moment.” 

“I’m fine,” you repeat. “I just… needed a second.” 

“I understand,” she murmurs. “Do you still need some time?” 

“What do you need?” 

“Gideon wants to talk to you. It’s best if he explains it.” 

You huff a laugh and shake your head. “Fine. Lead the way, Agent…” 

“Jareau,” she supplies. “But call me JJ, please.” 

In lieu of a response, you walk over to her. She offers a thin smile and holds the door for you, then falls into step with you. A moment of silence passes before she speaks up. 

“We’re going to figure this out,” JJ says. “Your dad is one of the best to walk through these doors. If anyone can solve this, he can.” 

“So I keep hearing,” you murmur. 

-

Spencer watches you hurry off with wide eyes, and it takes a few seconds for him to snap out of it. He’s less surprised by your pace, and more surprised that you actually apologized for bumping into him. 

“Reid,” Gideon speaks up, and his attention snaps back over to his superior. “What do you need?” 

“Is she okay?” he asks instead. He can’t help it—after what Hotch just told all of them, he’s worried about you. 

Gideon gathers the photos back into the file then stands up. “Our job is to make sure she will be.”

“Hotch briefed us,” he says, and his eyes darted back to the doorway almost on instinct. “This— this is crazy. We just found out about her last month, and some guy’s been after her for longer?” 

“What this is is one of my enemies targeting my daughter because they’re too much of a coward to go after me,” Gideon says evenly. “We just have to figure out which one before they escalate.”

“How do you know?” he asks. 

“What you said is true,” he admits. “Hardly anyone knows I have a daughter. Even fewer would know where she lives. Someone who wants to hurt me would have incentive to discover both.” 

“So we look into unsubs you’ve put away that have been released,” Spencer says. “Or ones that are still in, but have family that might be bitter.”

“Exactly,” Gideon nods. “But I have to ask something of you, Reid.”

He frowns. “Anything.”

“We’re working on getting a safe house for my daughter,” Gideon says. “I need you to stay there with her.” 

Somehow, his frown deepens. “What?”

“I need to know she’s with someone I can trust,” he says. “There’s someone after her, and we don’t know who—that means we need to keep this circle tight.”

“So you want me to be her bodyguard?” Spencer marvels. “Do you remember that you had to waive all my physical tests?”

“Less of a bodyguard,” he says. “More just… keeping her company. Making sure she’s alright—mentally as much as physically.”

“Why am I the one that has to keep an eye on her?” Spencer asks. “She hates me!” 

“Don’t take it personally,” Gideon says. “She hates a lot of things.” 

“But it is personal,” Spencer insists. “She hates me because she thinks you like me more than her.” 

Gideon doesn’t seem phased at the comment. “She’s opinionated, but she’s harmless. And right now, I need to know that she’s with someone I can trust.”

“I— I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Please, Reid.” Gideon leans forward, and there’s an uncharacteristic vulnerability in his eyes. "If I'm going to be on this case, I need to know that she's safe. I won't be able to focus otherwise."

Spencer wasn’t going to lie—he genuinely thought it was a bad idea. But… Gideon said he trusted him. And this was his daughter—they might’ve argued, but they still cared about each other. if he could keep Lila Archer safe, he could keep you safe. 

“…Okay,” he finally concedes. “Okay.”

Gideon nods, and he watches the change in his eyes, the slightest bit of tension leaving his shoulders. “Thank you.”

“Just… make sure there are two bedrooms,” Spencer says. “I don’t need her to kill me one day in.”

At that, he cracks a rare smile. Spencer is thankful for it, that he can bring even the smallest amount of levity to Gideon’s life right now. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

-

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Your dad says your name, but you hardly let him finish. 

“No! First I find out I have a stalker, then my whole life’s going to be uprooted until you find them, and now I have to be stuck with boy genius?”

“You know, we’re about the same age—”

“Do you ever stop talking?” you cry, whirling on Spencer.

“I actually don’t talk that much when I’m around you,” Spencer says, his brows creasing. “This is the third time I’ve met you, and I’ve only said nine sentences across those meetings. Thirteen, if you count all of these too.”

You let out a strained laugh as you shake your head, trying to blink back tears. “This is fucking unbelievable. I know he’s practically your son, but this is just—”

“A safety precaution,” your dad interrupts. “Doctor Spencer Reid is another one of the BAU’s finest agents, and he is fully qualified to keep you safe.”

“He looks like a strong breeze could snap him in half.”

“This is not a joke,” your dad says sternly. “None of this is a joke. Your life is in danger—you have a stalker that has been watching your every move for at least a month, and we have no idea what their next move will be. Doctor Reid is more experienced than you in every facet of this, and I am entrusting him to your care. I respect him immensely, and you will do so as well.”

You don’t even look at Spencer, quiet rage simmering beneath the surface as you stare at your father.

“You really don’t get it,” you murmur. “Do you?”

“The only thing to get is that your life is in increasing danger with every moment you spend pushing against me,” your dad says, and he stands up. “Get your purse. Reid, get her duffle. We’re leaving.”

He leaves before you get the chance to do anything—you assume he’s finally tired of you. 

You just shake your head and pick up your purse, and Spencer clears his throat as he reaches for your duffle bag. You wonder if it even has anything useful—Aaron Hotchner was the one who packed it. 

“���So,” Spencer says. “I guess we’re gonna be roommates for a while.”

You huff in fully unveiled annoyance, and you push past him on your way out. 

“Great,” he mutters to himself as he follows you. “So this is what Gideon’s trust earns me.” 

It doesn’t take him too long to catch up to you, despite the unnecessary quick pace you’re taking. You bypass the elevator and head towards the stairwell, and Spencer catches the door before it’s able to slam on him. 

He says your name, but you just shake your head. 

“If we’re gonna be stuck together until this is over, I’d prefer silence.” 

“I don’t really do silence,” Spencer says. 

“I’m sure there’ll be plenty of books for you to read in whatever jail cell they throw me in.” 

“It’s actually going to be a pretty nice safe house,” he starts, throwing his hand up against the wall to catch himself from running into it as he turns, because god you are moving fast, “Gideon picked it out himself.” 

“Oh, then it’ll definitely be a jail cell,” you mock. “It’s not like he knows anything about me, so he’ll probably think that it’s perfect.” 

Spencer frowns. “Cut him some slack. This is all just as hard on him as it is on you.” 

You come to a sudden stop, whirling around to face him, and Spencer has to reel to the side to prevent himself from running into you. Had he not already been pressed up against the wall, he would have moved back further, what with the fire blazing in your eyes. 

“I’m not going to cut him any slack,” you spit. “This is the most time I’ve gotten to spend with my dad in months, and it’s only because some creep is stalking me to get back at him. The only reason I’m in this at all is because of his job that he cares about more than me, and now he’s sticking me with the guy that he wishes was his kid. So no, Doctor Reid—I’m not going to cut him any slack.” 

You’re already off on your way again before Spencer even has time to blink, and you’ve made it down the whole last flight by the time he pushes himself back up. 

He takes the steps three at a time to catch up to you, and he once again barely manages to catch the door before it slams on him. He calls your name, finally managing to fall into step with you right before you reach Gideon. He, like a normal person, deigned to take the elevator. 

“You haven’t started arguing already,” he says, passing a glance at Spencer, “have you?” 

“What do you think?” you ask, your arms crossed. 

“I think you’re giving him a hard time that you usually reserve for me,” he says. “Cut him some slack.” 

Your jaw clenches. “I’ve been getting a lot of that lately. Save the profiling for my stalker, will you?”  

“There’s plenty of profiling to go around,” Gideon says. “You two wait here—I need to confirm the safe house location before we head out.” 

“Can we stop by my place before we go?” Spencer asks. “I need to pick up some things.” 

“You have a go bag, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, but I— I wasn’t exactly prepared for this sort of thing when I came in today.” 

“You’ll be fine,” Gideon says. He walks off before Spencer can protest, and he sighs. 

You lean against the wall, your arms crossed with your purse hanging off your shoulder, and for once you don’t pass judgment on his—admittedly small—plight. 

“I changed my mind,” Spencer speaks up, deciding to try and break the remarkably high amount of tension that had built up in such a short time, and your eyebrows rise as you glance at him. 

“About what?” 

“I— I think I can do silence,” he says. “Temporarily.” 

You huff a laugh. “Really?” 

“I don’t really want to annoy you while we’re stuck together in an undisclosed location,” he says. “I don’t know what you’re capable of.” 

And for the first time since Spencer has met you, you actually smile. It’s the smallest thing, just a slight tilt of your lips that’s more akin to Hotch’s moments of levity than anything, but it’s a smile. 

“...Good choice,” you say. It feels like a joke, but Spencer isn’t sure. 

He smiles anyway. You meet his eyes, and for a moment, you’re just another girl. Someone that Spencer could imagine himself stealing glances at in a lecture hall, a regular at his favorite coffee shop that he falls for over the course of an especially cold winter, someone he meets on a night out with the team that he ends up talking to all night. 

You really do have pretty eyes. 

And then your gaze hardens, darts away from him, and Spencer sees Gideon coming back in his peripherals. The moment fractures. 

You’re not just a girl. You’re Gideon’s daughter, you’re in a remarkable amount of danger, and lest he forget, you do in fact hate him. 

Spencer lets out another short sigh. 

At least this safe house won’t have a pool.

[theorphicangel]

“𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬?” | 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

synopsis: you have a valentine’s date tomorrow and you’re somewhat excited for it. but there’s just one thing you’re unsure about…thankfully your trusted roommate can help. right?

tags: roommate au! (Here we go again), smut, 18+, oral (m.receiving), blowjob, praise, mutual pining, these mfs are in DENIAL smh

PART ONE.

“You have a valentine’s date?”

“God, O’Hara don’t even try to hide the surprise in your voice, why don’t you.”

You cross your arms, frowning at your roommate who was currently sitting next to you on the couch. The two of you were watching a remake of a new movie that had come out recently. An hour or so had passed, the both of you stuck within a comfortable silence before your words had distracted him.

“How could you blame me?” He begins, his gaze still on the television screen. “I’ve never seen you bring anyone home before.”

“So you keep notice on who I bring home?”

A pause runs between the two of you.

“No.”

“Liar.”

Miguel clears his throat. “It’s none of my business anyways, what you do.”

After a few beats of silence, Miguel speaks again, this time with a teasing tone. “I wouldn’t want to be like you anyways, keeping track of who I sleep with.”

“I do not keep track!” you exclaimed.

“How come you remembered Cindy’s name then?”

You hesitate, stuttering off. “You–you talk about her a lot.”

“Bullshit.” A grin creeps up across his lips.

“You jerk, I was gonna ask you for a favor but since you wanna play that game, nevermind.” You crossed your arms, turning your attention back to the screen. Simultaneously, you had just sparked off Miguel’s own curiosity.

“What’s the favor?”

“I don’t want to ask you anymore, I’ll ask someone else.”

“Like who? Peter?”

“Don’t be mean, mig’.”

The movie continues to play in the background for a minute or two before Miguel starts getting restless.

“So who's the guy then? Someone you paid?” Miguel’s grin doesn’t have the time to stretch across his lips this time as you throw a pillow to his face.

“Hey!”

“Watch your mouth, O’hara.”

The two of you had been roommates for just under a year. You had moved in due to an emergency situation. A few troubles with your finances, student loans and the loss of your job resulted in you desperately responding to a roommate advert posted on the internet. Moving in at the beginning was awkward, the two of you avoiding each other, minimal conversation revolving around the weather and who would take out the trash.

But all it took was one night for the both of you to open up to each other, a shift in your realization that Miguel wasn’t as bad as you thought. A few too many drinks one night led you to learn a lot about each other. Like how he didn’t like the dark yet had a weird obsession with space. You found that he had a brother, a few years younger than him who was almost a spitting image. For him, he learned how you once had wanted to be a painter but soon switched career paths to psychology as well as taking up a foreign language.

Ever since that night, you’ve managed to maintain a good friendship with Miguel, completed with a little teasing here and there. On some nights, when you were left alone in your room, you laid back and stared at the ceiling, thinking about him. Particularly, thinking about him and the girls which he brought home. Your mind wandered to the possibilities of what he would be like with them. Imagining what it would be like to be in their position.

How would he touch you, feel you, look at you? Would he be gentle and take his time or does he rush, his passion taking over his whole body? It was questions like these that plagued your mind. You began to create a fantasy in your head, touching yourself at the thought of him touching you; imagining his movements to be slow and cautious, taking you all for himself.

Speaking of, you’ve recently noticed his lack of…visitors lately. Instead of hiding away with them in his room, he’s recently been spending a lot of late nights in your company.

“What’s your plans for Valentine's Day?” you queried, trying to maintain a casual tone. “Taking Cindy out for a romantic dinner?”

Miguel scoffs, shaking his head a little. “Why don’t you ask her out yourself, since you’re so obsessed with the woman?”

A small wave of ease flows through your mind at his answer. Yet it wasn’t exactly the answer you wanted. You pat Miguel on the chest mockingly.

“I knew she said no to you. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here you kno—” Unfortunately you weren’t able to finish your sentence as a small scream left your mouth, as Miguel pinched your thigh.

“Watch it, imbécil.” he glared, before changing the topic. “But I’m serious, who's the poor guy then?”

You shoot an offended glare back before repositioning yourself on the couch, turning your body to face him properly.

“Someone asked me from work.”

“And you didn’t have to get on your knees and beg them first?” Playfully, you hit him on the arm and he lets out a fake wince of pain.

“Shut up. And no, for your information, I didn’t.”

Miguel hums, his eyes quickly glancing back to the television screen as he tries his best to ignore the sinking feeling of disappointment in his lower abdomen. Guess he should cancel tomorrow then.

“But I had a favor to ask you.” you turn your body, shifting your position to face him. Miguel merely raises a brow, humming deeply again with his eyes still glued on the screen.

“I was wondering if you’d…show me how to—uhhh how do I put this? Suck someone off.”

Miguel froze. Oh, now you had his attention.

“¿Qué?”

You freeze, clearing your throat as his eyes snap back to you. “I mean it was just a suggestion– I-I’ve watched a few videos but I’m still kinda—I just— I mean, I don’t–”

“You don’t know how to give a blowjob?”

It was a bit more blunt than you had wanted to put it but…yes.

You nodded silently, now choosing to avoid eye contact. “I just wanted some tips, y’know? What do guys generally like? I’ve read that some like it differently than others so…”

“Why are you asking me?”

Ah yes, the million dollar question. Why were you asking your hot ass roommate for blowjob tips? You had the choice to ask anyone: your best friend, or another friend or even a random stranger on the internet. Why him?

“You’re…experienced.” was all that you could come up with. “And not in a bad way!” You quickly correct. “ but I can assume you’ve had your good shares of…that.”

Miguel raises a brow again, swallowing thickly. Anxiety was now bubbling at the base of his stomach. You were asking him how to please a man and immediately his mind jumped at the thought of you with your valentine’s date at the end of the night. Ah, you were asking for your date.

“Well, did you just want tips or did you…” he trails off without finishing the sentence, thinking how weird it would be to finish the sentence that had popped up in his mind.

“ ‘Or did I’ what?” You repeat, tilting your head ever so innocently.

“Or did you want to practice on me?”

/

And that’s how you got here. Kneeling on the floor between the thighs of your very own roommate whom you have only known for less than a year. Was this what you were expecting when asking for advice? Of course not. But there was a sense of excitement that grew in the pit of your stomach and you weren’t going to complain about it.

“So how do I start?” You glance up at Miguel, your eyes wide with innocence and curiosity to learn. Just from the way that you looked at him, he was already beginning to get hard.

“Well, you just start.”

You roll your eyes, “Okay, doofus. So you expect me to just get into it? No foreplay or anything?”

“There’ll probably be some foreplay with your date and stuff but…we don’t have to do that.”

For a split second there’s an aura of hesitation between the two of you; him regretting his last words and you almost wanting to reject his assumption. Mutually, there’s a little voice inside of you that tempts you both to take the chance and do this properly.

But of course, this was a lesson.

A mere, innocent favor from a roommate. With no strings attached. Or feelings for that matter.

Even if it killed you both to suppress them.

You nod silently, taking mental notes. Miguel raised his hips a little to pull down his sweatpants, enough so that you could access him with ease. Now you’re starting to get nervous. Your heart was palpitating so much that you could hear your own heartbeat thump in your ears. “I-”

“If you don’t want to, we can stop.” He quips quickly, noticing your hesitation.

You pause, reflecting for the final time whether or not you wanted to do it. Once you made your decision, you glanced up at Miguel.

“It’s not like I have much time left to practice, right?”

Miguel raises a brow. After all, Valentine's day was tomorrow so you needed all the practice that you could get. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” you vocalized, trying to sound more confident in this way.

“Okay, lemme just–” Miguel mumbled to himself as tugs down his boxers. You noticed the way the bottom of his shirt hiked up a little, presenting his happy trail; a dark bush of hair leading all the way down to his…

Oh.

It’s big. Bigger than you thought. And he’s not even hard yet.

Miguel seethes a little, his cock only semi-hard. He pumps himself a few times before removing his hand, leaving it up to you. His arms now rest on the back edge of the couch, widening his thighs a little more for accessibility.

‘Holy shit’, you think to yourself, how the fuck were you supposed to deal with this?

Miguel caught onto your expression, panic drawn all over your face. “We can–”

“No.” you interrupt him, reading his apprehension too. His concern for you is more than obvious. “I want to.”

Miguel chuckles a little, “I was going to suggest to take it slow but yeah, if you’re still up for it.”

You swallow thickly, edging nearer before planting your hands on his thighs. This is so alien to you. After many months of tiptoeing around him at a distance, it was scary how fast you found yourself in a position of intimacy with him.

Sure, many times before have you fantasized about what it would be like to get close to him. With the sounds of moans coming from his bedroom late at night, it wasn’t hard for you to figure out how much of a woman pleaser he was.

Slowly, your hand wraps around his cock, feeling him get harder and harder with every second that passes. You think back to the videos that you had watched previous to this, noticing that most of the women decide to give a few strokes before going in with their mouth. You imitate them easily, watching your hand move.

You take in every fine detail: every vein, every twitch, every shade leading from the tip to the base. The crown of his cock is thick, becoming redder with every stroke as juices of pre-cum subtly spilling away.

“Jus’ like that.” Miguel murmurs and you notice how his tone is a little lighter than before. “When you’re ready, you can lick the tip a little, warm yourself up to it.”

You hum in response. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, not yet at least.

Once again, you think back to the porn videos you had watched, imitating the women by tracing little circles across the tip of his dick. Miguel lets out a drawn out groan and little by little you can feel his body relax as you continue on. It tastes salty. The tip of his cock is reddened and soft.

For a minute or two you continue to trace circles, closing your eyes in the moment, allowing yourself to relax and get rid of any nerves or doubt. Miguel says nothing more, his teeth softly biting down on his lower lip, he watches as you hesitate, unsure of how to continue from here.

Miguel’s hand soon reaches for your chin, causing you to pause and tilt your head up towards him. His hand cups right under your lips and your face turns to confusion for a split second before he lets out his command.

“Spit.”

For some reason, your body listens to him without a second thought.

“It’s okay if it gets messy,” he advises, “the messier the better.”

You make a mental note of that.

You make sure to be careful with your teeth as your lips part around his cock. Once again you take it slow, letting your mouth adjust to his size. He’s bigger and thicker than you had expected, barely halfway before he already fills up your mouth. Your eyes water as you attempt to take him whole, a decision which you realize quickly was too hasty as you reach your gag reflex.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t– mierda!” Miguel sits up a little, trying to pace you. Your eyes water and saliva continues to pool out of your mouth, dripping down to his balls. Your cheeks are full of his cock and as if following his instincts, Miguel almost wants to hold your head there. It takes all of his resilience not to place his hand at the back of your head. He let out a grunt at the warmth of your mouth, coaxing him to stay a little longer. But unfortunately if he does, then he may cum sooner rather than later.

You feel his fingers tap your shoulder, “Hey–” he manages to draw out, “brea–breathe through your nose.” You attempt to do so, just letting off a few inches of his dick, letting your hand stroke whatever you can’t take. With you, you can build up a pace more freely, bobbing your head up and down. You close your eyes, concentrating on keeping your rhythm, a steady pace for now.

Fuck it, Miguel gives into his instincts, letting a hand cup the back of your head ever so lightly.

“Fuck, keep going… you’re doing so well.”

Miguel’s praises boost your confidence, the simple phrase removing past doubts that had cast over you. You pause to allow yourself to breathe, your hand stroking his length in the meanwhile and Miguel seems to cup your chin again.

“Mírame.”

One simple order and he has you hooked and, god, you have a gorgeous view.

His dark brows are deeply furrowed. Chest rising and falling heavily, His hands are now by his side, prominent veins from his other arm lead to the back of his hand which currently grips a pillow on the couch. His eyes are beginning to droop, with his head tilted back slightly. You notice how his Adam apple bobs in his throat with every guttural hum that he makes. His mouth is just about agape enough for you to spot his pink tongue peeking out at you.

And as for him? The sight of you is more wondrous than he could ever imagine. Your eyes are also heavy-lidded. Lips plump and wet with saliva dripping down your chin. This is a side of you that he’s never seen before. Your eyes glow with submission, the innocence and inexperience peeling off of you. If you keep looking at him with that expression, he’s not particularly confident that he’ll be able to hold on for that long.

“Don’t stop looking at me, okay?”

You hum a little before your lips open wide to wrap around his cock again. Yet this time, you manage to keep eye contact. Another unrestrained grunt leaves Miguel’s mouth, his lips parting once more.

You’d say that you’re confident now, relaxed more than ever – confident enough to begin exploring. Keeping his cock in your mouth, you begin to bob your head at a rhythmic pace and at the same time a free hand reaches down to his base, lightly tracing over his balls.

A sharp inhale leaves his mouth. “You’re gonna kill me, you know that, nena?”

You hum in response, the vibration of your mouth causing a helpless moan from your roommate. You focus near the tip of his cock, returning back to tracing circles over the slit. One hand still pumps the rest of him whilst the other gently teases his balls with your fingertips.

He’s closer than you think. And you can tell by the way that his hips begin to shift a little as if he’s trying to get more of your touch. He tilts his head back, chest rising and falling at a more dramatic pace. “Shit–shit–shit-m’gonna, m’gonna cum– if– if you keep going… oh fuck!”

“Wan’ me to swallow it all?”

You’re practically teasing him at this point. Fuck, he’ll do anything, anything. And this time he doesn’t hold back in vocalizing this, the words ‘yes’ falling from his tongue, pleading, begging you to continue. “Yes, yes, don’t fucking stop.”

You decide to grant him his wishes, turning to a faster pace as you stroke his length with your hand. You can feel his cock twitching, thick veins rubbing against your palm.

“You close, mig’?” you taunt, watching as he closes his eyes in pure euphoria. He nods, inchorant words fall from his lips in a babble as his hips jerk upwards and his thighs tense around you.

Fuck, fuck, fuck m’cumming! M’gonna–”

Miguel manages to cut himself off with a deep groan, lifting his hips up as you wrap your lips around him for the last time. His cock twitches, veins pulsating as your mouth is filled with his white seed. You swallow as much as you can, trying to bear the salty taste. His cum is thick, spurting so much out you think you won’t be able to keep up. Some leaks out, dripping down his shaft. As soon as you’ve swallowed, you lap up what you missed.

“Fuck, wait, wait–”

“M’cleaning you up.” you mumble. You can tell how sensitive he is. Just from your tongue lightly licking his length so as to not waste anything, his cock twitches. Once satisfied, you pull away, your tongue licking at your bottom lip.

Apart from the sound of the now forgotten movie playing in the background and the sound of light panting coming from Miguel, there’s a silence between the both of you.

You lean back, resting on your heels as you begin to grow aware of your actions.

You’ve just sucked off your roommate. Correction. Your hot ass roommate.

Neither of you know what to say. You begin to avoid his eye contact, feeling the awkwardness creep in. Yet, it fails to fully entrap you as Miguel chooses to bite the dust and speaks first.

“For someone with a mouth that doesn’t shut up, I’m surprised you know how to use it well.” he mutters, pulling up his boxers and sweatpants.

All tension from your body begins to evaporate, a slight smile appearing on your lips.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” you frown, wiping off remnants of his cum mixed with your saliva from your lips with the back of your hand.

“Nothing, nothing. You were just…good for someone who hadn’t done anything like this before.”

Unlike when you were sucking him off, his praise causes heat to rise to your cheeks, your face burning up. And like a few moments ago too, you continue to avoid his eyes.

Clearing your throat, you move to stand, gesturing that you’re about to go to your room. The movie is just about over but neither you nor him were worried about that anymore.

“Any other advice that I should take?” you say.

Miguel frowns, taking a few moments to think deeply. If he’s being completely honest with himself, that orgasm has crushed him. Leaving him with nothing but thoughts of you and that sweet mouth of yours. Just thinking about it almost makes him hard again.

A part of him almost dares to tell you to forget your date tomorrow and to go out with him tomorrow. The card and flowers addressed to you, wait patiently in his room, a last-minute gift after weeks of building up the courage to ask you. All that courage is lost now though.

He’s too late.

“No.” He says, finally, going against his instincts. “Just do exactly what you did for me.”

“No complaints?”

“No complaints.” He clarifies. A deep pit of regret and hurt builds up again in his lower stomach, a feeling that he’ll have to start getting used to. He deserves it, he thinks, for not asking you sooner. He has no right to be jealous that someone else beat him to it. Not when he wasn’t dropping enough signs to prove that…

he’s falling in love with you.

Before entering your bedroom, you pause, the door leading to your bedroom slightly ajar. “Hey.”

Miguel glancing up to look at you.

“Thanks.”

Miguel says nothing more and really he should be the one thanking you for the heaven that you’ve just taken him to. He waits until he hears your bedroom door close and lock before letting out a sigh that he didn’t know he was holding in.

After he’s sure that you won’t return, Miguel pulls out his phone, tapping his screen until he reaches a certain page.

‘Are you sure you want to cancel your reservation for a ‘table for two’ on the 14th of February ?’

After a mere moment of hesitation, he confirms. His thumb clicking on ‘yes’.

part 2.

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

More thoughts on Lucanis x Neve romance, from a Rookanis enjoyer, with love.

(Grab a snack. This is long.)

What I'll be focusing on in this post: Extra info and fun facts about Lucanis and Spite that I have gathered during my playthroughs. The consistency of Lucanis' writing between his romatic relationships with Rook and Neve. Addressing some criticism I've seen to be common. These are my thoughts and opinions.

As I said in my previous post about this topic, I enjoy seeing affectionate Lucanis from the external perspective, because it gives me more insight into his character. Of course, this isn't restricted to just romance, but that's what I want to focus on in this post. (It's too long as it is.) I also have to admit that I'm not exactly a Nevecanis shipper myself (not a big shipper in general), because I simply prefer romancing these characters myself, but I do think that it's a good thing that in my other playthroughs where I explore other options, besides my favourite, Lucanis has someone to make him happy, and I can personally think of nobody better for it than Neve, and Neve also deserves the world. I think it's good that they decided to pair some characters up, when unromanced, so that the group is more lively and doesn't feel like Rook's harem. Also, I tend to reblog whatever artwork of these characters that I like, regardless of whether I'm personally into the pairings or not, and regardless of whether they're possible in the game. Whatever you ship, we're good. As long as we're having fun. But that's beside the point of this post. I'm rambling already.

In my previous post, I ended my commentary with my thoughts about the dialogue cutscene that happens right after Inner Demons, where Rook finds Lucanis preparing dessert either for them or for Neve, depending on whether Rook romances him or not, and the similarities and differences of how each is handled and how each relationship develops until that point.

One thing that I didn't really touch upon is that if Rook saves Minrathous instead of Treviso, we don't get to do the Inner Demons quest, but we still get the dessert scene. So, only briefly. As most of us probably know by now, if Rook sacrifices Lucanis' home, they are cut off from his romance. Neve is not. I'm not going to delve deep into the nuance of that here. Suffice to say that Lucanis is in a vulnerable place after the Ossuary, almost a full year of physical and psychological torture, he's struggling for control of his own body with what most would consider a demon, he thinks his grandmother is dead. His abuser is still somewhere out there. He only has revenge, Treviso, and Illario left, and his cousin acts damn weird, on top of it all. If Rook makes the decision that also dooms his home, it understandably breaks his heart, even if he realizes that Rook is not to blame for what happened. He's lost pretty much everything at that point. (By the way, have you seen blighted Treviso? That place is utterly fucked. I don't think many people could process that in a healthy way.) Meanwhile Neve is in the same position as him when that choice occurs and is just as dependent on Rook's decision as he is. She is ultimately also not the one that makes the decision. It makes sense that he bonds with her over it rather than with Rook. (No, I don't care if you use a mod to make the romance happen anyway. Private mod use is none of my business.) I'm definitely not saying that one choice is better than the other, of couse. They're two different flavours of terrible. Neve is also hurt by the decision to sacrifice her home town, but she's also tragically used to struggling against the system alone and to people not showing up, and it feels like she still has at least something to hold onto. Minrathous is in terrible state and the future of the whole country looks grim, nobody knows what the consequences will be, but at the very least Dock Town stands. Hal is alive and selling treats. Some of the little people she cares about are still there. Neve's a different person with different problems to solve, and she can still find it in her heart to fall for Rook, which is amazing. But anyway...

---

What other sweet and interesting things have I learned from their romance?

Lucanis can recognize Rook by the sound of their footsteps.

We know that from walking in on him in Neve's office where he's alone, waiting for her.

Spite yells at him to talk to his sweetheart!

By saying, "Well, not just Spite," Lucanis is definitely referring to himself here. He wants to try and be more open about his feelings and Spite clearly tries to motivate him to be more proactive.

You can bet Spite yells at him to talk to Rook, as well.

Either way, we find out that Spite is supportive of Lucanis' relationship and even encourages him to act on his feelings. (Seriously, Lucanis beating around the bush must be so frustrating for a spirit of Determination.) I think that from this we can safely say that Spite also likes Neve. Enough to encourage Lucanis to court her.

Of course, we already know that Spite likes Rook a lot, and I imagine that most of us Rookanis lovers already headcanon Spite pestering Lucanis to express his feelings for Rook anyway. Or something similar. However, I don't think it's actually confirmed during a playthrough where Rook romances Lucanis. So, here, Spite canonicaly yells at Lucanis to woo his love interest.

A lot more yapping under the cut.

Once again, in this scene we see how Lucanis doesn't really have a lot of confidence in himself in this department. He keeps mentioning how he's not really good at sweet talk, which is very much in line with what he says during the previous scene where we catch him preparing the dessert before. In total, he says something to that effect at least 3 or 4 times in the game - that all he knows is knives and coffee, that he's not the charming type, that he isn't good with words, etc. (That's not what I personally think about him, but that's what he obviously thinks about himself.) He's not beating the wet cat allegations any time soon.

As I said in my previous post already, I noticed that some consider Lucanis' writing to be inconsistent between his romance with Rook and Neve. And we're all entitled to our opinions, of course. But I'd like to explain why I do not think that is true. Again, that is my perspective and my opinion.

There is one variable here that is not often taken into account here, and that is Rook. Well, two, actually. Because I think we also need to keep in mind that the scene where Lucanis' romance with Neve locks in happens quite some time after Inner Demons and the scene that occurs right afterwards where we catch Lucanis preparing the dessert. In that scene, he is still very much a wet cat, regardless of whether he's preparing the dessert to woo Rook or whether it's for Neve. (Not a bad thing to remember here is that falling for somebody seems to be rare enough for Lucanis, as he's never been in a relationship before, and he has already once before been rejected after trying to court somebody with a gift.)

First of all, if Rook is not present during the follow-up scene where the lock-in for Lucanis and Neve is supposed to happen, if the player for some reason decides to skip it, Lucanis does not express his interest to Neve and, tragically, may later regret this, should something happen to her. It makes sense that he would still have feelings for her, even if he never confessed. Love doesn't go away like that, just because you never put it into words. Also, I know this is a video game mechanic, but I still consider it part of his characterization that he needs his partner to either be very perceptive (like Rook during the scene after Inner Demons) or in this case get cornered a little to actually express his feelings in this complicated phase of his life. It makes sense when you look at how this scene plays out. Rook being there for the start of his romance with Neve is important - either it puts him a bit more at ease, or more on the spot, or a litte bit of both. Either way, it helps them work it out. (It also makes sense that it is Rook that basically spells it out to the player during the previous scene, after Inner Demons, that Lucanis has made a dessert specifically for them, if romanced, because they understand him and what he's trying to say, but the player may not, because Lucanis tends to deflect and put himself and his efforts down. He clearly has a lot of insecurity in this department and Rook is good at untangling it.)

As I also mentioned in my previous post, it's clear that when Lucanis made the first dessert, he clearly didn't express his feelings for Neve then, because... well, we get their romance lock-in here, in this scene, so much later. (I got this scene after Blood of Arlathan. That's pretty late in the game.) Neve also explicitly states that this is the second time he's made her favourite kind of pie.

With Rook, they figured it out and officially started dating on Lucanis' first try. (Or the first pie? Haha.) However, with Neve, this is his second attempt to express his feelings. This is one of the reasons why I think Lucanis' writing is consistent, and why I previously said that his romance with Neve may actually be slower than with Rook. They take longer to actually start dating and Lucanis is very much a wet cat all the way until this point.

And even in this scene, you can see that Lucanis drops the treat and coffee in Neve's office and is almost ready to evacuate again!

He just... keeps saying that.

That's so him. The Demon of Vyrantium, the legendary slayer of blood mages and Venatori, the master assassin, the demon-powered killing machine that made a near immortal eldrich horror bleed, on the verge of retreat... from his love interest, because he may know how to kill a man with his bare hands in a hundred different ways, but sweet talk? Nah, that's scary.

Except this time, Rook is there to provide emotional support (or peer pressure, haha). They already know all about his feelings for Neve. Especially if the Inner Demons quest occurs. And they can so tattle on him, if you so choose. Each of those options is pretty cute and/or funny.

No, I'm making you look great. You'll just have to trust me on this, Lucanis.

But most importantly, seeing Lucanis getting tangled in this situation, Neve finally says something. Either she finally figures it out, or more likely she just finally acknowledges it. She's a seasoned detective. She observes people all the time. Of course she would notice that he's trying to treat her special. However, from Neve's romance, we also know that she herself struggles with her own issues, namely with letting people close, so this is a significant step for her, as well. It makes sense that it takes them longer to bond, when Lucanis struggles to express his feelings and Neve tries to avoid catching feelings, or at least acting on them, for fear of things going wrong. And while Neve's bonding with Rook shows more of her internal struggle to let herself finally have something, we have to simply accept that the companions simply aren't and can't be as front as centre as the protagonist in such a game, so we can't delve into their inner workings as deeply in that case. (Funny, though, how I've never once seen anyone say that Neve's writing here is inconsistent. Almost as if it only matters when it's our Antivan male lover...) There are always going to be differences in how characters are handled in companion x companion romance vs protagonist x companion romance. Their romance is very much side content that's supposed to make them feel a little more real. It's also worth noting that Rook's lock-in scene with both Neve and Lucanis happens way earlier than this scene between them. But here, they both had a lot of time to let their feelings stew, so they can finally reach this point. However, Neve still warns him that she's not going to make his life easy. A light reference to what happens when you romance her with Rook.

I've seen some upset over the fact that we learn that Lucanis hangs out with Neve at night if he courts her, as if he doesn't with Rook. But we already know this from Lucanis' romance with Rook! Remember?

We know that Lucanis and Rook hang out together around midnight, as well! That's not new information, but I wanted to include it, because I do think (and will keep repeating that) Lucanis' writing is pretty consistent between the two romances. Lucanis loves to be around his partner. We know that from both his romances.

This is what he further says about Rook when romanced.

Which means that he will likely sit nearby like a content cat while Rook sorts out and reads their mail out loud for both of them or whatever. He doesn't care what they're up to. He wants to be there with them. It's implied that Rook and Lucanis read together. "Nearing midnight: Reading," only appears in that particular entry of his log book when he's romanced. They stay up at night to spend time together, as he also writes down in his log book. And it makes him happy, "just being around them", which you know not only from his words but also the tone of his voice when he talks about it in that banter.

Anyway. Because Neve finally acknowledges that Lucanis is clearly trying to spend time with her for a reason and admits that "maybe" she likes that (The woman also can't express her feelings to save her life, bless her.), Lucanis is pleasantly surprised (He says, "Really?" and sounds happily taken aback.) and responds warmly and enthusiastically afterwards, because of course he does. Because IS THIS SUCCESS??? LET'S GO! He gets giddy about it, and it's cute.

Neve.exe briefly stops working. Then tries to play it cool. Nothing to see here.

Encouraged by his unexpected success (He was almost about to run away!), he musters a bit of charm here, haha. From the coffee date with Rook early in the game and the scene where he almost kisses them when romanced, we know he has it in him, but at this point in the game he doesn't really seem to believe it himself. He repeats it over and over. He tells that to Emmrich at least twice. ("I don't know what [Rook] sees in me," is sort of a sad thing for him to say when you think about it, honestly, and when you look at his romance lock-in with Rook, it's a pattern. He doesn't believe he has much to offer.) He tells that to Rook when not romanced. He says it in this very scene. Yes, he's an adult. He knows what flirting is and what it entails. We all know he can pull it off. Whatever. But he clearly doesn't seem to believe that he can do it, or that he's good with words, and seems to be more comfortable expressing himself in other ways, especially at first. However, now that he knows that the person he cares for actually likes him back, too? Hell, yeah, he's unstoppable now. Heh, sort of anyway. When you think about it, his charm here and elsewhere, for most of the game actually, comes from him being earnest, not suave. Just him being himself. I think that's demonstrated on the couple of lines above. Telling Neve that she makes his life better and that he hopes he has more charm than this is not some killer move. It's just him being honest and enthusiastic after finding out she actually likes him back, and that ends up being sweeter and more charming than whatever flirt line anybody could possibly come up with. It also seems to me that once he knows that the affection is mutual, he does turn into a sweet talker, as we see on his later interactions with both Rook and Neve. But he does it in his own way.

Once again, it's important to remember that this happens quite late in the game. This is not the scene after the ordeal of Inner Demons where he prepares the first dessert, still rattled. This is possibly after all his quests have been resolved, his grandmother saved, etc. (For me, that is the case anyway.) This is why Lucanis' demeanor here is a bit more relaxed in general.

I do not think that means that his writing is inconsistent. We merely see another side of him under different circumstances.

---

Now, I'd also like to talk about some of the banters they have together afterwards, because there's some fun information there, and they're also what I've seen some complaints about.

To me, the "inconsistencies" boil down to interpretation. Simply put, it depends on whether you can imagine two adults spending quality time together without having sex.

If somebody likes to interpret the banters as Lucanis and Neve being that intimate, I think that's perfectly fine... unless they also get super upset about it and make it a whole problem. I think the banters are written in a way that let's you interpret them how you please, which in Lucanis' case is a great choice, in my opinion. As far as I'm concerned, they handled it well.

It's sort of what a lot of us do while romancing him with Rook, as well, because there's enough space left for interpretation. While Lucanis' dialogue cutscenes with Rook are mostly tame, there's also enough space for the player to headcanon whatever level of intimacy they please for the rest of the game, because there's nothing to confirm or deny that.

Personally, for my own playthrough, I like to imagine that Rook and Lucanis share those shy, fleeting touches Isabela mentions after they officially start dating, share their first kiss after Lucanis' last quest/outing, and slowly get more physically intimate overtime, but make love for the first time after Tearstone Island, like it is in the game. So, as far as I'm concerned, I already have this idea of (slowly) intensifying intimacy with time for Rook and Lucanis. That's how I personally like it, and I think that any other headcanon people come up with for their own playthrough that pleases them is great - whether they imagine that Lucanis and Rook don't get intimate at all until the bedscene happens in the game, or that they break his cot in the pantry the same evening they share the dessert, or something in between, or something else entirely. Is the note in his log book about them having a pleasant late night chat or did they cuddle? Something else? Up to you.

My point is, you can easily do the same thing with the romance between Lucanis and Neve, because the banters are so unspecific.

Let's look at the most cheeky ones I've found.

Neve: So you and Spite are friends now? Can't say my money was on that one. Lucanis: I would've lost that bet too. Neve: If it lets you sleep at night… Unless this clears the way for new and different midnight brooding. Lucanis: I wouldn't put it past me. Neve: Well, find me at midnight and we'll test the theory. Lucanis: (Chuckles)

What does this banter tell us? It tells us that they spend time together late at night. But we already know that! From their romance lock-in scene. ("You find me at midnight just to talk.") I think this banter is a reference to that. How you imagine they spend that time, that's entirely up to you. If you imagine they're fucking their brains out, and you like that, cool! If you imagine they're sitting side by side, having a pleasant time, looking through Neve's case notes, and you like that, cool. If you think they're just starting to get physically intimate, cool. Because the banter does not say.

Taash: Hey, Lucanis. Lucanis: Yes? Taash: You and Neve? Lucanis: Yes. Taash: Nice catch. Lucanis: Thanks.

He's just as cagey as he is when Taash talks to him about Rook, by the way. It continues...

Taash: And Spite's good with her? Lucanis (Spite): No talking. When. Her hat comes off. Go play with wisps. Taash: 'Kay.

This one made me laugh.

But what does it actually mean? It tells us that Lucanis sets some boundaries with Spite. He's in love. He's in a relationship now. Of course he at the very least thinks about the possibility of getting intimate.

This can again be interpreted as Lucanis and Neve already being intimate in some way. Which also doesn't necessarily mean all the way - I swear that sometimes, it seems to me that people forget that cuddling and making out and other non-sexual forms of intimacy exist. Or it could mean that Lucanis has simply considered that this is where he wants the relationship to go sooner or later, and so he's told Spite, "Hey, if this situation occurs, be quiet and give us some space." This one definitely sounds more spicy and it shows that Lucanis obviously thinks about these things, but more than anything it shows that he asks Spite to give him privacy. Again, I feel like this is up to the player and what they want it to be.

I would also like to disagree with the narrative I have seen somewhere before that Neve rejects Spite. That's not the impression I've got from the game at all. I've never once caught Neve having a problem with Spite when she and Lucanis are in a relationship. (Though I don't yet know what happens during their romance when Minrathous is saved, because that's where I'm currently romancing Neve myself, but even then I haven't really seen her say anything that would suggest that she has a problem with Spite.) Most importantly, Spite clearly likes Neve. He even suggests that Lucanis should bring her flowers from Lavendel, which is adorable.

Seriously, his romance with Neve makes it almost seem that Spite is more competent at wooing somebody than Lucanis is sometimes, which is just so funny. This little guy, trapped in a world utterly alien to him, barely understands what feet are, but he knows you bring people flowers to show affection. I love him so much. While Lucanis' reaction shows he's probably never had an example of a healthy relationship of any kind for reference in his entire life. (Actually, from his reaction it seems to me that he perhaps simply doesn't yet know if Neve even likes flowers as a gift. Insufficient data.)

Either way, I think that when Lucanis loves Neve, Spite loves her, as well. It's not Neve who sends him away to have more privacy. It's Lucanis.

"BUT I WANT LUCANIS TO GET FLOWERS FOR ROOK, AS WELL!" Look at me. Listen to me. You give that man some damn flowers. He cooks for Rook. He prepares sweet treats for them. He invites them for coffee dates. He makes coffee or hot chocolate for them, and even though he himself doesn't even like tea, he makes sure it's in the Lighthouse for them. He would kill for them. You give the man flowers. Or rather, I'll tell you what to do: You go to Treviso, visit Fletcher, and buy that fancy tea (coffee) set for Lucanis after you lock his romance in, and you'll get that little cutscene where Rook gives it to him. Enjoy his romanced response. Call me crazy, but I think that's sweeter and more satisfying than the one line where Spite has to suggest giving flowers to Neve to him and Lucanis reacts like he's not even sure that's a good idea, haha. It's something wholesome and more normal that Rook can do for him to express their affection for a change, besides standing by his side through his struggles. But anyway.

Maybe it's because I like to imagine (my) Rook and Lucanis getting intimate at that point in the game, as well, and/or because I don't think that when two adults are alone in a room together, it necessarily means that they have to immediately get naked, those banters don't bother me, nor does it seem to me like the writing is inconsistent, especially because of how open to interpretation it is. If you leave your own assumptions out of it, the banters really don't say that much. They confirm for us that Lucanis has spicy thoughts, which I personally think is cute, and which I'm also pretty sure is already part of many people's headcanon for their Rook x Lucanis playthroughs anyway. They confirm for us that Lucanis enjoys spending time with his lover. And that he tries to communicate his boundaries to Spite.

I think it's also important to realize that these are two companion characters and we don't actually get any other romance scenes between them than the one described above, so they had to give their relationship some depth pretty much exclusively through banters and some rare mention here and there, just like they do it with Taash and Harding. (By the way, I also haven't seen anyone say anything about any possible inconsistencies with Taash and Harding, either.)

From the other banters, we find out that Lucanis asks Neve what her favourite dish is, and after she tells him, he promises to try and prepare something like that for her.

Lucanis: Neve, do you have a favourite food? Neve: Whatever you're cooking. Lucanis: There must be something. Neve: I might have a weakness for seafood and candlelight. Lucanis: I'll see what I can do.

He's clearly willing to learn and actively puts effort into his relationship. That's a trait that definitely also applies to his relationship with Rook. We know that because he remembers their favourite drink, makes sure it's stocked in the Lighthouse, and later prepares a matching treat. (He may even ask Emmrich for a recipe.) His love language clearly is food and quality time together. (And stabbing people for his lover, as is particularly clear from his romance with Rook.) That's how he seems to be most comfortable showing affection.

He also tells Neve that, during the Inner Demons quest, she was there to "sort of" help guide Rook through his mental prison. Neve tries to be cool about it and again ceases to function when he's earnest about it, which is always funny (and understandable).

Lucanis: Neve. In the Fade with Rook and Spite... you were there. I mean, not you, but... you know what I mean. You helped Rook. Sort of. Neve: Sort of? Well, isn't that flattering. At least I'm on your mind. Lucanis: You are. And not just then. Neve: I... oh. Well, then.

And he says he's not good with words.

Neve: I need to go through my notes later. See what the Shadows might find useful. Lucanis: Need company? Neve: No. But I'd love yours all the same. Lucanis: Then I'm yours.

Again, they talk about spending time together. That's definitely his thing. Lucanis also gives Neve similar "I'm yours," that he gives Rook. When you visit him in the pantry, he may say to Rook: "Did you need me? I'm yours." It couldn't be more clear that he's ready to be wherever Rook is, regardless of what they're doing, as well.

Also, a version of this banter exists before Lucanis and Neve start dating and possibly before dealing with Aelia. More casual, but similar vibe.

Lucanis: You don't sleep much, do you? Neve: More than you, but little enough. Still looking over everything on Aelia. Lucanis: If you need fresh eyes, I'm awake anyway. Neve: Maybe. If you don't mind the company. It comes with wisps. Lucanis: Wisps are nothing. Besides, you're better company than Spite. Neve: Really? Rumour has it I'm a pain in the ass. But that's if you ask Tarquin.

I think that's what Neve references when she says, "You find me at midnight just to talk."

All in all, the banters between Lucanis and Neve, and with a couple of other companions, during their romance simply hint at them having a loving relationship and spending quality time together. Consider that they had to squeeze their whole relationship into a few lines of banter and an occasional mention in dialogue and somehow make it believable, because unlike Rook and Lucanis, they don't have whole quests, outings, and many other interactions inside and outside of the Lighthouse, to develop their relationship.

Lucanis' relationship is definitely flavoured by his partner, whether it is Rook or Neve, and it's good that it's not completely the same for both couples, because they're different individuals, but I also don't really find any actual inconsistencies in their characterization between them.

I do agree that some of these interactions are super sweet and I would absolutely love it if we had some more of them between Rook and Lucanis and the other companions, because honestly I could easily listen to a hundred more, but it's also necessary to acknowledge that Lucanis and Neve are two companion characters and the few banters, one short cutscene, and a rare mention here and there, are all they get. And I think it's perfectly sufficient for them as NPCs. The interactions are lovely. They're clearly good for each other. But I also don't think they're actually getting anything extra in comparison with Rook, and I'm just honestly a bit baffled by the noise about it.

Rook as the protagonist has great chemistry and dynamic with Lucanis from the very beginning, thoughout the whole game, as I already to some extent described in my previous post. This post is already way too long without me getting too much into it here. But Rook has the benefit of being able to do Lucanis' quests, go on outings with him, be there for him during all the important moments (e.g. his grandma's funeral arrangements), have various interactions in the Lighthouse (e.g. Lucanis attempts to kiss them way before the dessert scene comes up) and outside of it. The Inner Demons quest is, in my opinion, the most intimate thing ever while doing his romance. They have banter together and with the other companions about their relationship and other things. We know they spend quality time together. Besides travelling everywhere side by side outside of the Lighthouse so often, they get together late at night, read together, are coffee buddies (or whatever drink you've chosen). Lucanis insists that Rook stay and tell stories while they drink with Davrin, wanting to hear a story from their life that he's already heard from others before, just because he thinks nobody tells it as well as Rook. I don't think that loses its meaning just because it's also a friendly interaction. Lucanis writes into his log book about them. He yells at Illario when he injures them. Etc. Etc. I really don't think there's any reason to hate on Neve, be jelly, or argue which relationship is more "canon". (For fuck's sake.)

Not to be patronizing or anything, but we, as a fandom, do remember what canon is, right? As in, actually established facts about the setting. As in, humans, elves, dwarves, and qunari are the races populating Thedas. Alistair Theirin was at the Battle of Ostagar. Magic and dragons exist. Treviso is in Antiva. Then there's personal "canon" that we each create for ourselves and those are wildly different. (And that's great about them!) For some, that means that e.g. the Hero of Ferelden died killing the Archdemon. Or that Hawke sided with the mages. Or that the Inquisitor exiled the Wardens. Or that Rook tricked Solas. Romances and optional relationships between NPCs fall into the category of personal "canon". Let's not forget that. It's so stupid to argue about which relationship is more legit when it literally depends on the player's choice. This is a reminder aimed especially at the part of the fandom crying that Neve's romance with Lucanis somehow invalidates Rook's romance with him.

As for them reusing small bits of Lucanis' romance scenes with Rook for his romance with Neve. Mostly this just means that he mentions her in like... two dialogues, maybe. It doesn't bother me, because to me that is the smart move, because it saved them time that they could invest into something else, probably more significant. I think it would bother me way more if they actually put unnecessary time into creating a lot extra content for them when I could have it instead. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think it takes anything away from Lucanis' romance, because his romance and dynamic with Rook, overall, is delightful and consists of so much more than one short cutscene and a couple of lines.

Again, I'm not here to argue with anyone. Mostly, I think. I'm here to offer my perspective and also information for those who haven't seen Lucanis x Neve for themselves, don't have time for multiple playthroughs, or whatever, but are interested and/or want to know more about Lucanis for their headcanon.

Now, I'm going to end this rambling here, otherwise I'll keep adding to it forever. Pardon any mistakes or nonsense, I can't bear to read this all again, haha. If you've read all the way here, thank you so much for putting up with my bullshit. That's crazy.

[canmom]

one of the people i most looked up to when i was first transing has, many years later, pretty hard disidentified with words like 'trans woman', 'transfem' and so on. they still write to an audience of mostly dolls, but they're doing some other gender thing now, and tend not to like being put in the trans woman/transfem box.

chewing on this and other things. fundamentally I don't think gender is real. I have called it an egregore, and that still seems apt. and yet, words like 'trans', 'autistic' and so on are a pretty powerful correlate with the sort of person I tend to vibe with.

transing isn't revealing some inner girl essence. the forces that produce a trans woman when enacted on the eager-to-reshape-itself human brain don't necessarily only produce trannies: it is one of a number of moves available to you.

it is, however, a really big play in the game. given how ludicrously much gender infects every social interaction, going off-script in a big way is going to affect your psychology hugely. doing that activates the feedback loops, the self-exciting instability, a set of rituals let you become something more 'real', or perhaps more precisely, something you have actively defined. the unpredictable outcome of that process is both the entire point and not the point at all.

rachel pollack spoke of transing in terms of religious ecstasy. "I would argue that transsexuality arises from a passion so powerful that it transcends issues of happiness. The word passion originally meant suffering, not pleasure."

so having made a declaration like, i am this sort of creature, you break everything down and start to rebuild. you go on to take actions to affirm it, or even simply build an inner, secret core, and doing this - physically, socially - transforms the resonances of your thinking.

we have constructed many rituals to make the declaration of transness more definite. a lot of them will affect your sensory experience: the immediate effect of hrt on how your skin responds to touch is surely one of the great virtues. take surgery, for example - do you need to get your penis turned inside out? well: the drama of making a drastic alteration to your body, and the sheer difficulty of getting it, makes it an especially powerful ritual. but it's not the only way to go. indeed, most girls I know haven't done it (whether or not they want to), and instead, the symbol of woman-with-penis has become one of our core subculture-images. in the last few years, the word faggot has come back in a big way, with a real gendered connotation now, sorta like what the girls on here were trying to get at with baeddel before all the shit happened. that's also a move.

so this phenomenon, this new game we're building together, includes surgeries as a move. but it also includes a lot of the subculture-building classics: weird fashions, radical politics, drugs, kinky sex, making noises on the computer, and so on.

and since the whole point of this thing is a process of defining yourself into existence, as soon as something starts to become a cliché, an orthodoxy, a mandated practice, it starts to break down. everything is stupid fucking contextual. if everyone around you is desperately pursuing genital surgery, saying 'I like my dick and want to keep it' becomes a potent move. but if the pendulum swings the other way, once everyone is saying 'do you really need surgery, you know you don't need it to Be Trans, please stay as you are since it's easier for us that way', maybe that ritual regains some of its power. it's perverse. perversity is kind of necessary to it.

so the meta evolves.

i am speaking about transness here, but i think similar forces are at work with other self-id games, autism and so on. there is like, actual biological variation, but far more important is the ideas we're playing with on top of that. what concepts are activated when I think 'autism', now largely positive associations: sensory this, obsession that; not the same as twenty years ago. thankfully my fellow autists made an interesting game to make of it: a space to express something.

[tetric-electric]

tbh I think that the way Ashley Graves is so mischaracterized by the fandom says a lot about how people view grooming (or any type of manipulation) survivors (and autistic people). Let me explain:

Obviously, huge spoilers for Chapters 1 and 2 of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. This is just a psychoanalysis of Ashley, however to do so involves a LOT of lore.

To start off, I'm just gonna put a trigger warning right here for LOTS of talk about psychological manipulation, as well as neglect and ableism. If you feel uncomfortable reading about these subjects you are more than welcome to click off. Please stay safe.

What made me decide to do this rant:

A few months ago, I got a text from someone who was upset about me having Ashley as my PFP. I was initially like "okay, they don't like TCOAAL, so what", and then immediately after I got a text from them responding to an Instagram story I had basically saying that Ashley was "so me fr fr".

"Let me guess, you also kin Valentino"

Valentino, from Hazbin Hotel, as in the blatant physically + verbally + sexually abusive piece of shit who is in no way redeemable.

I had brushed this off as "maybe they just don't like Ashley", until they listed why.

...all of the reasons they gave fell under the main categories of "she's clingy, she's flirtatious with Andrew, and her sprites are made for the male gaze."

The male gaze thing was because she didn't appear to be wearing a bra. Which like... sexualizing much? For fuck's sake, she's locked in an apartment about to die, do you think wearing a bra would be a priority?

Secondly, her behaviour.

Admittedly, she's not a great person. But that's because she never learnt how to be.

In-game there is so so so SO much emphasis on how she acts childish, and how literally no one gives two shits about her. It doesn't take a professional psychologist to figure out that she never was able to develop properly. That's why she's so clingy, because Andrew is the one person who at least pretends to care about her. And then there's her flirtatiousness.

It's revealed in several flashbacks that the only way she could ever get Andrew's attention is to do something fucked up, as seen by her as a child killing Nina. Andrew then gives her attention for this, which establishes the connection that homicide -> attention, and attention = care and love and affection.

Due to the fact that she never had any friends, she never was able to have any type of love (whether that be platonic, romantic, etc.) reciprocated. Except for Andrew.

Andrew, throughout the game, proceeds to subtly encourage Ashley's flirtatiousness. She has no reference of this type of stuff not being okay, and thus her social isolation made her the perfect target.

Social isolation, gaslighting, coercion, threatening to hurt the person if they don't do the desired behaviour. You know what those are?

Textbook signs of manipulation.

I realized that people hate Ashley so much because since she's not aware of her situation being bad, she's unable to come to that realization. She's not perfect, let alone a 'good victim'. She only sexualizes herself because that's how she learned she can get affection and care.

So... where does the whole "Ashley is autistic" theory come from, then?

As stated by Renee Graves, Ashley was "a lot of work" as compared to Andrew (guess what, kids take work). Now, this alone wouldn't be any indicator. However...

It's shown that she was unable to make friends because she was "weird" and clearly didn't have an understanding of social cues and rules (which honestly hit close to home for me). It's also shown that she problem-solves differently (or at least differently than Andrew, who is seen as the "logical sane one") and also seems to be more of a hands-on learner (I forget if there's any actual proof of this, however upon analysis she is an ESFP, and ESFPs tend to be more hands-on (yes I'm aware that MBTI types are the psychology equivalent of horoscopes, but there is some truth to them)).

Not to mention how she's shown to have extreme emotions, and tends to have meltdowns (I apologize if this isn't the right word, I'm not sure what the term would be). The extreme emotions part can be part of how blatantly of a pwBPD she is, but BPD also tends to have a higher frequency of showing up in autistic people, especially autistic women.

In conclusion, people hate Ashley Graves because of how well-integrated ableism is in society, as well as the concept of a 'perfect victim'.

**Revision (30/12/2024): While I don't think Andrew is a full-on groomer, I do think that he was manipulative towards Ashley. I changed the wording to be more clear of that. Sorry for the confusion, everyone!

[theesteppenwolf]

Some thoughts on Inner Demons

So i have been thinking about this and i do actually like the idea that Lucanis can't have Rook exist in his mind prison because it fucks up his entire inner narrative of basically just self flagellation. "If rook exists then at some point i have to get out" so just delete rook from the scenario. I think that's really good.

However, i think it would've been better if a part of Lucanis actually was trying to get out, at least involuntarily, and that Rook was the personification of that idea, constantly trying to break himself out but ultimately failing. So ''Rook'' exists somewhere in there but is heavily suppressed. That's why Spite seeks real life Rook out. Not to mention that even if not romanced Rook is pretty much the closest person he has at that point, his only other true friend he's had beside Illario so it makes even more sense for them to be this comforting idea he just can't accept fully.

So you see glimpses of Rook, the sound of their voice, or maybe more notes about them, especially if you are romancing him it seems like a big waste of an opportunity to not utilize Rook for a bigger showing of his inner struggle and fear to try and live some kind of life.

The Neve thing is a bit weird when romancing him, i do understand this complaint and the way Spite phrases it does come off as romantic interest specific to her. I think Neve should absolutely stay as both her and Lucanis seem like good friends regardless of romance but it would've been been better (if the player is romancing Lucanis) for Neve to maybe use Lucanis' feelings for Rook against them here. Implying guilt about Rook, leading them on etc. rather than make it specifically about Neve.

There are plenty of little things like this that would make the quest a bit more impactful overall because this is a pretty short quest for something that is essentially meant to be a psychological deep dive into Lucanis. Just more notes and those reworked Neve lines would make it more way more immersive to the player.

In my opinion this should've been a way bigger and more important part of his personal quest, i think they should've really leaned into the whole ''fighting to get him out of his own head'' idea. Adding things like Lucanis' actual memories of Caterina as the abuser she was and moments of genuine brotherly love Lucanis has for Illario. It would've also made up for the fact that you don't learn anything very personal about him the entire game.

Listen, I have whole rewrites to how his personal quest should've gone, it's really my roman empire at this point. This quest is such a good way for Rook to get real vulnerability from him that wouldn't've shown up in real life due to his introverted and closed off nature.

Again my conclusion of Lucanis being a very scraped up character continues as i find my ideas to be pretty easy to come up with implementations for the kind of thing they are trying to pull of in this specific mission.

But oh well, so it goes. Kind of got rambly for a minute there, thank you kindly for reading :P

[g1rlsp1ckins]

🥨🌱&🐚 pleaaseeee!!! & any reality your heart desiresss!!!

𝓢HIFTING 𝓐SK ✶ 𝓖AME

for my haikyuu (college) dr

🥨 - TWISTY PRETZEL – what twists and surprises happen in your dr? are there unexpected friendships, plot twists, or new adventures waiting for you?

1. Reuniting with a Ghost From the Past

Oikawa Toru shows up. At Karasuno University.

He started taking a sports science program that happened to collaborate with my university. I found out by accidentally running into him at a ramen shop near campus. The tension is thick—unfinished conversations, unsent messages, and the silent what if that still lingers between us. He’s grown, still as dramatic as hell, but more grounded. And now, we're suddenly… around each other again. Cue emotional whiplash.

2. The Unexpected Best Friend Energy

I randomly ended up seated next to Yamaguchi Tadashi in a lit elective. At first, we didn’t talk much. But then we get paired for a group project, and I start to see his dry wit, his quiet resilience, and the way he works hard without needing validation. He becomes my safe space. We exchange playlists, study together at weird hours, and become those friends who can just sit in silence and vibe.

3. Manager Role? Not Quite.

Though I start helping the volleyball team with drills and stats, it doesn’t take long for Hinata to beg me to “just serve once so we can see it.” I cave, obviously. And it’s a bomb. The entire gym goes silent. Even Tsukishima looks up from his phone.

This kickstarts a new journey—not as a player (not yet), but as a speciality coach for the team. Daichi convinces me to help train the next gen of players—serve techniques, court awareness, and game psychology. I'm still avoiding playing full-on, but I'm in it, and it feels right.

4. Her First Real Crush Since High School

Oof. Yeah, it happens.

I never planned to fall. But I meet a grad student who’s helping out with the psych department, and damn, he’s smart, funny, and sees through my walls in a way that’s unsettling. Think: late-night library talks, unexpected emotional vulnerability, and a “why do I feel safe with you?” kind of tension. Oikawa notices. And things get messy.

5. Rebuilding Her Relationship With Her Old Team

A random group chat revival leads to a full-on Aoba Johsai mini-reunion. Matsukawa and Hanamaki still act like idiots. Iwaizumi gives me that solid hug I've needed for years. We talk about the past—openly. There’s crying. Closure. And healing.

· · ─ 🏐 ─ · ·

🌱 - HOPEFUL SPROUT – what personal growth do you go through in your dr? is there a skill, mindset, or dream version of yourself that you develop over time?

1. I stopped measuring my worth by what I could do.

Back at Aoba Johsai, I was the volleyball girl. Reliable. Strong. Sharp. I built my whole damn identity around that version of me. When the injury took it away, I didn’t know who I was without it. I smiled through it, but inside? I was spiralling, quietly.

Coming to Karasuno Uni, I didn’t just want a fresh start—I needed to figure out who I was without a jersey on my back. And little by little, I started to realise:

I’m still me—even when I’m not winning, even when I’m broken, even when I’m not needed.

That hit hard. It still does. But I’m softer with myself now. Less pressure. Less performance. More just… being. And that’s enough.

2. I learned to stay.

My first instinct has always been to run. If it got complicated, if I felt too much, I bounced. When I got hurt? I disappeared. Oikawa tried to reach out, and I ghosted him. The team? I shut them out.

But here… at uni… something shifted. I started staying. I stayed through the awkward talks, the emotional messes, and the moments where I wanted to shut down. I let people see the bruised parts of me.

Turns out, connection isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real. And staying, even when it’s uncomfortable, is one of the bravest things I’ve learnt to do.

3. I found my voice—off the court.

In high school, I had things to say. I just didn’t always feel like I was allowed to say them. At Karasuno, I found spaces that actually listened. Lit classes, psych seminars… suddenly, people cared about what I thought. About how I saw the world.

I started presenting research. Sharing ideas. Writing poetry that got published in a little zine with a staple in the middle. People started telling me I had clarity. That I made them feel understood.

I still love the game. But now? I love my mind, too.

4. I fell back in love with the game—on my own damn terms.

Volleyball used to mean pressure. Winning. Performing. Being good enough. But watching Karasuno's team flail and fly and try with everything they had—it cracked something open in me.

They weren’t perfect. God, they were chaotic. But they loved it. And so did I.

I stopped trying to have some tragic comeback arc. I started mentoring. Coaching. Giving what I had without needing the spotlight. And when I stepped back onto the court?

It wasn’t about proving anything.

It was freedom.

5. I started dreaming bigger.

I used to think the goal was just… survive. Graduate. Stay invisible.

Now? I want more. I’m working toward becoming a sports psychologist. I want to help athletes who feel the way I did—lost, burned out, scared. I want to show them there's more to life than medals and perfect plays.

And I’ve started to believe that maybe… just maybe… I deserve good things. Love. Peace. My own joy. Not earned, not bargained for. Just mine.

· · ─ 🏐 ─ · ·

🐚 -  SAFE SHELL – who or what is always there for you in your dr, wrapping around your life like ivy on a wall? a best friend, a mentor, or a deep connection?

Yamaguchi.

Tadashi was the first person at Karasuno who really saw me, not just the “former athlete” or “American transfer” or “that girl who won’t shut up about perfect serve arcs.” We met in some random psych elective, partnered on a project neither of us cared about. He was quiet, but when he spoke? He cut through.

He never asked for the edited version of me. He just let me be—tired, messy, cynical—and answered with warmth. He started sharing his playlist. I started sharing pieces of my past. We built a rhythm. And over time, he became the place I ran to instead of the one I ran from.

He’s not loud about it. But he’s always there.

Coach Ukai.

He’s the one who handed me a clipboard before I even realised I needed one. He saw me watching practice one day, just lingering in the doorway, and said, “You can stay, y’know. Don’t gotta play to matter.”

That gutted me.

Because back then, I didn’t believe that. But he did. Every time I doubted myself, he’d give me a task—scout this team, tweak that drill, fix their damn footwork. He trusted me when I didn’t. He pushed, but never too hard. Always just enough to make me remember who the hell I was.

He became a mirror and a mentor. A calm, grounding presence.

Iwaizumi.

Hajime was my past—Aoba Johsai days, before everything cracked. Back then, he was steady, the backbone of the boys’ team. He was always the one who made sure I drank water after a match or stretched my shoulder after I took too many dives.

We lost touch after I disappeared. But the second he heard I was back in the game, he showed up. No drama. No guilt trips. Just an Iwaizumi hug—tight, quiet, everything I didn’t know I needed.

He doesn’t talk about emotions much, but he shows up. He texts me after rough matches. Checks in on my knee. Sends me ugly memes when I’m spiralling at 2AM. He knows who I was, and he respects who I’m becoming.

He’s my history and my healing.

· · ─ 🏐 ─ · ·

hey so new dr??? yayyy!!

[emblemxeno]

As someone who loves how cringe and fun Sonic is, have you SEEN how edgy Shadow is? He got flipping doom wings in the latest game and they went ALL in on it! And yet he's beloved people LOVE the edge of that hog. But it also kind of reminds me of people fighting over Movie Sonic and saying he's cringe and quips too and have these people seen 90's Sonic? That's his thing. He's like Spiderman he never shuts up and idk I feel like it's something to be said about fandoms now, they want thing to be deep and have a "morally gray" message instead of fun whimsy and fiction at the same time relate and attach to something instead of enjoying something.

3H's message was bad and I'm tired of pretending it's not, the whole game's world revolves around the backstory of a race who they just throw away because the red emperor is a girl, it's like the weird side thing they do in Awakening going to Walmart that has nothing to do with the main story but it's the whole damn game. What 3H does well and why it continues to dominate is how it gets you practically para-socially attached to the cast, and that's not a good thing it's like there are people who are stans to their celebs or people who will ride or die for their brand, 3H somehow hit that group and frankly it's a little disturbing how well it did how insanely attached people are to that game and cast, I'd love a psychological study on it tbh. Because you know what game does "you do what you can when everything is falling apart" well? Conquest which is my favorite for that reason. It's not perfect but the message to me about bonds over blood and how there is no justice in the world but it's the little things you do and the choices you make to get by, most people aren't going to lead a massive revolution they don't have the power, you just want your loved ones safe. Does it do it perfectly? No but nothing does, replaying it right now in this time period though makes it hit...so much harder to me. And everyone shits on that game despite making a hell of a lot more sense than 3H

Sorry for rambling in your inbox but to end this off, reality fucking sucks let has have whimsy, let us have cringe, let us have ultimate edge, let us have fantasy and stories that are just there to entertain us, crazy designs and uniqueness, because right now it's all we have

SPEAK LOUDER! SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFS!

I think there's a lot of nuance lost in how media can be categorized. Like, Shadow is stereotyped as the prime "Edgy McEdgelord" character, but from my perspective, being a cringe edgelord isn't what Shadow has ever embodied (aside from when the social media market team for Sonic leaned into those perceptions, god that era is insane looking back at it).

Shadow's story is genuinely sincere and trying to be something memorable, heartfelt and really fucking cool. How it was presented in SA2 is exactly why he got so fucking popular. The warts started showing when extraneous aspects started to affect it, such as the amnesia subplot in Heroes and Shadow 05, the kind of forced gunplay and weaponry in Shadow 05 (it only made sense in 06 after he became an agent), and whatever the hell his Boom characterization was.

Shadow Gens (and I heard the movie version of him as well) leans into being sincerely fucking cool. It's edgy, but not tryhard. It's effortless. It's full of sauce. And the Sonic series itself embodied that from its inception! A simple yet unfortunately poignant story of saving the environment and liberating oppressed groups from the greedy and selfish ambitions of a tech bro (though at least Eggman has massive fucking charisma)

Thank you for bringing up Spiderman because I agree so much that Spiderman is on the same wavelength as Sonic (I even have plushies of both!), that I get weird vibes from people who say they hate them. Like, everyone's thoughts on Sonic games or Spiderman media are valid, but hating them as characters? They're just little guys making jokes, helping people, and living as themselves!

And again, you hit the nail on the head with the parasocial aspect, because I think at a point where someone starts envoking behavior of celeb stans, things have gotten really fucking dour. A central point of interactive media like video games is that there's an intentional degree of separation from the makers of the art and the audience who consumes it.

There are points to be told and lessons to be learned from stories, but they are still things we individually should recognize as things not to attach our personhood to. The FE fandom can't unanimously agree with the fact that the genocide of a particular race is bad, for example, because too many people have aligned their social presence with one of 3H's factions. And that's a real huge fucking issue! Were we not making progress IRL by trying to counteract the idea that victims don't have to be perfect or wholly pure in all intentions/actions?

Some things, like the morality and motivations of joining a war, are nuanced. But starting a war, as someone with a high position of power and control, with no prior motivation other than "correcting" the world (read: setting it back to "how it should be") due to the idea that they think it's only their's to lead, isn't nuanced. It's something that most rational and empathetic people can understand is evil.

Comparatively, the conflict between Elusia and Brodia is better written because it's effective to understand just from what the game gives you, and leaves no room for petty factionism. Elusia is being corrupted by Fell Dragon followers, including the king, so Brodia is taking steps to stop it. However, Brodia is hurting a lot of civilians in its expansion, and using this "keeping you in check" excuse to justify not bettering its behavior. It's because of the country's historical war profiteering that may have sent Elusia down a course of enthrallment by the Fell Dragon faith in the first place.

Boom. It's easy to swallow, shows both perspectives, doesn't excuse Elusia's actions in the present, nor handwaves the historical, implicative problems that Brodia helped foster. And it resolves well in the ending where Diamant and Ivy guide their kingdoms to better futures.

You don't need to explain every perspective, thought process, or ethicality to the letter for a story element to be effective or well written. You just need to write it well.

[seamstraw]

Rating the Thunderbolts* Trailers Post-Thunderbolts

What it says on the tin. I didn't watch any trailers before watching Thunderbolts, so this is all post-Thunderbolts impressions. Ratings are based on how much I generally liked the trailer, if they accurately conveyed a sense of the movie, and how much they got me hypothetically interested in the movie. Trailers are ordered by chronological release date.

Marvel Studios’ Thunderbolts* | Teaser Trailer | Only In Theaters May 2025

Rating: 9/10

Release Date: September 23, 2024

Setting portions of Yelena's "drifting" speech to the background of Bucky and Walker in addition to herself was good. Emphasizes that all the team members are struggling with similar problems. With the "bad guys and worse guys" speech on top of that, makes me think the movie is going to be about a team of antiheroes grappling with their pasts and present. Which... is basically what it's about. Interestingly, this trailer doesn't show the Void at all. I appreciate that, honestly. Makes the moment more of a surprise, and puts the emphasis on the team.

Marvel Studios’ Thunderbolts* | D23 Brazil Special Look | In Theaters May 2, 2025

Rating: 3/10

Release Date: November 9, 2024

The first half of the trailer is basically just overly long comedy clips stitched together in a way that makes them feel very slightly snappier. The second half of the trailer is some actually serious moments interspersed with comedy and rock music. Really not sure why they set these serious lines from Yelena about the past and Bucky about living with your sins to someone screaming "DO YOU WANNA DIE" in the background.

(And don't get me wrong, I actually like metal and rock, but it's not a good fit for the parts of the trailer they put it to.)

Marvel Studios’ Thunderbolts* | Big Game Trailer | In Theaters May 2

Rating: 7/10

Release Date: February 9, 2025

Makes me think the movie is going to be similar to Avengers (2012), but in a good way. Nostalgia and all. The whole, "slideshow of team members with their names" thing this trailer has got going on. Not sure why they bothered including Taskmaster in that, though, because it's really obvious she's not in any of the other team scenes (standing outside the Watchtower, getting into the elevator, pushing that giant piece of rubble) and only shows up to try and shoot Walker.

ABSOLUTE CINEMA | MARVEL STUDIOS’ THUNDERBOLTS* | MAY 2

Rating: 9/10

Release Date: March 7, 2025

Not sure if this one really counts as a trailer, but I liked it. I liked it a lot. Honestly, it was kind of a shitty trailer? Which is a weird thing to say because I rated it so high. But it gives you no idea what the movie is actually about, except that it makes you think the genre is some sort of psychological thriller mixed with comedy. So from a trailer standard, maybe not that great. But I really liked the composition of this video.

Also, the fact that they didn't even bother including Taskmaster on the team roster... I guess they gave up. LOL.

Marvel Studios' Thunderbolts* | Official Trailer | In Cinemas May 1

Rating: 5.5/10

Release Date: April 7, 2025

Not an awful trailer, but it gives a very different impression of what the movie is about than what it's actually about. YMMV on if that's a good thing. This trailer makes you think it's about Bucky assembling a team to stop Sentry, who is a superhero turned evil. Which I suppose is technically accurate, but also not really the core conflict of the movie. I personally was very tired of the "heroes beat up bad guy and save the day" formula, so this would have made me less interested in the movie, but it may have worked for others.

Also, this one says releasing May 1 for some reason. Presumably because it's IndiaMarvel? I would think May 3, though, if they were going for simultaneous global release...

Marvel Studios’ Thunderbolts* | Final Trailer | In Theaters May 2

Rating: 8/10

Release Date: April 16, 2025

I liked the intro interweaving shots to past Marvel movies (Black Widow, Captain America 1). That was good. Music also lined up well with the trailer. Overall, trailer got me feeling interested, but I felt that they spoiled a few too many moments (Yelena's shame room, her walking into the darkness, "I have so many," etc.) that were very impactful when I saw them for the first time on-screen. Actually, they were all Yelena moments. Not sure why. It makes the trailer dramatic, but IMO it would detract from experiencing the movie. So, I suppose the trailer is actually a 10/10 for me from a standalone perspective, but an 8/10 when considering how much I would be able to enjoy the movie afterwards.

A Few Final Notes

Some interesting commonalities between trailers:

Limo scene was super common. I think at least a portion of it might have been in all of the trailers?

Multiple trailers included the scene where Bucky is trying to recruit the team, and Alexei goes "I love this guy HOHOHOHO!!" I'm not really sure why. I guess because it's a comedic moment that can stand alone?

The trailers started off including Taskmaster as part of the team, and then they just gave up by the end. Pretty funny tbh.

Whoever was making these went out of their way to avoid showing Sentry's face. You get shots of Sentry's arm in a few trailers (stopping Bucky's punch, telekinetically throwing Alexei out the window), and there were a few times you see his boots as he dramatically walks down the stairs, but you never see his face. Presumably to avoid spoiling the Bob is Sentry reveal... but I'm not sure how effective it was considering that the Void pretty clearly has the same silhouette as Bob, and several trailers reveal that Sentry becomes the Void.

Pretty much all the trailers touched on the "we're bad people" thing (a lot of them also used Valentina's bad guys/worse guys speech), but the degree to which it was emphasized varied.

If I'd watched these trailers before the movie, I don't think I would have gotten the impression from ANY of them that the movie was going to be about mental health struggles. Which is interesting. Go in expecting the Thunderbolts to beat up a bad guy, find out that beating up depression doesn't work.

Overall: I'm glad I went into Thunderbolts without watching any trailers. I think it would have given me the wrong expectations, and also I liked watching the movie totally spoilers-free. Really good movie. Trailers weren't the worst (generally), but could have been better at times.

(On a random side note, there was a Screen Culture video which I don’t think was an actual trailer? It seemed like a fanmade, stitched together video? But they had clips I haven’t been able to find.)

[jaxrants]

So uhhh, little update on how things are going..

TW: slight vent, m*th mention, drug use, bad mom, bad guardians, age regression, jealousy, I think that's it, please let me know if not

So for those that don't know, I'm living with my grandparents on my stepdads side now because my mom had m*th in her system (again) when we went to court, I'm going to school now, but I sit in a computer room all day, so there really is no sense in me going when I can just do the work at home. My anxiety shit is getting a little better, then immediatly getting worse. My case worker has to give me a full psychological exam, sign me up for therapy, and just it's a whole lot of shit and the damn trauma assessment person is the one that's demanding all of this, so apparently I'm a whole lot more traumatized that I had originally thought.

Onto some things about me and Val:

I am getting more and more attached to her. I can't sleep unless we're otp, and most of the time, unless she hums to me I can't fall asleep. I might be a bit more of an age regressor than I had originally thought. I fully regressed to just baby talk a couple nights ago after a really rough anxiety attack. I'm so fucking happy she loves me. If she didn't, I don't know what I'd do. I'm so fucking happy with her (when my anxiety isn't being a bitch and causing questioning and shit) and I couldn't imagine my life without her. She graduates soon, and she's planning on finding work so that hopefully soon she'll be able to buy us a place and get me out of here. I plan on trying to help as soon as I possibly can. I have also realized just how jealous both me and Val can get too. She doesn't like any of my friends, and I don't like how she talks to one of them. Kassandra is someone who's been super nice to me, but I don't like her and Val talking. I worry Val will end up preferring her over me, as her and Kassandra are close, if not the exact same age, and I'm younger than both of them.

The whole sich with my dad:

He's still trying to get partial custody of me. He and my stepmom send me lots of gifts and stuff. He got me a computer and gave me 50 bucks for my birthday and miss sam just keeps buying me things. She just recently got me a whole lot of nail polish, a Cirkul thermos, and some other stuff. They're really cool.

Living with my grandparents:

It's honestly not all that fun. They constantly force me to go to school when I don't feel well (my voice was completely changed because of some sort of sickness and the still forced me to go), and I had a really bad panic attack at school, they still forced me to go back the next day. When we first got here, grandma had a TV from my uncle mike (from before he passed) and she stuck it in my sisters room at first, then gave it to me. Well, she took it last night because I don't leave my room often and because I don't let my sisters in here to watch it often. Like damn, I'm not being stengy, I'm just having a rough time and want to be alone. So I can no longer watch tv or listen to music when I'm playing like roblox and yandere sim on my computer (it makes the games laggy if I play it from my computer, and I use my phone to text Val, so I can't use it to listen to the music) and it essentially fucked up my entire system of listening to music/watching TV on it, playing/doing school work on my computer, and texting Val using my phone (or using my computer to text Val if I'm playing something on my phone)

School:

So far, I've made around about 10/15 "friends" (I don't know them all that well but say "Hi" if I see them) and lost 1 close friend that I made. (He was really creepy and touchy when I was going though that panic attack at school. At first, I thought that was just how he was with his friends, but it was later determined by his other friends that he was being really weird as he usually doesn't like being touched. He was like rubbing up and down my spine and my side but going just a little too far down. And he grabbed my face [in a way I'd only be comfortable with Val holding my face] and glanced down to my lips one time. I was honestly terrified he was going to try to kiss me. Both me and Val found it weird, and she no longer wanted me talking to him, so I don't).

I'm quite sure that's about everything. OH!! And I'm supposed to be being taken to get my hair cut and dyed here soon. We're doing black with like lilac or lavender, I haven't decided how I want the colors split yet, so if y'all have an idea or something, please lmk.

@purpleeggyboi @salem-the-puppet @blooming-skeleton @luciluck2046 @beecha @caretaleandotherstuff @evry1h8s-me

[wndfsh]

a (brief) analysis of toxic masculinity and fatherhood in final fantasy x

something i have always loved about braska is that, although he doesn't have much of a canon personality, in what little we see of him, he is so clearly an extremely supportive and genuine person. in life, he was a loving husband, a good friend, and even from beyond the grave, a supportive father to yuna.

it's interesting to me, then, how much of his personality is in direct contrast to jecht, who, at the start of braska's pilgrimage, is none of those things. but it isn't that he and braska are opposites—when you think about it, they're actually pretty similar—it’s their respective ability/inability to express vulnerability that sets them apart. lemme explain:

in all that we see of braska, he never really seems to not be thinking of his family. jecht, from the very beginning, is shown to be the same way, but it takes him a long time to be able to express it—let alone admit it—without lashing out. braska, on the other hand, has no reservations about displaying his affection for his family, doing so pretty often.

both braska and jecht are famous, braska being a known basphemer and a summoner on pilgrimage, and jecht being a blitzball champion. fittingly, braska doesn't expect special treatment for his status. he’s appreciative and humble, and when the party arrives in besaid, he admires it. jecht, however, insults it for its quaintness, and impatiently demands food. similarly, when they first depart on braska's pilgrimage, he expects fanfare, and the celebrity treatment he received in zanarkand.

unlike braska, who outwardly treasures and humanizes the women in his life, in the nightmare tidus has in besaid, it seems like jecht (although it's obvious from watching cutscenes with his wife in them that they loved one another dearly) outwardly regards them as… almost conquests, mocking tidus for being unable to “get a woman.” he also only really mentions his wife in passing, whereas braska mentions his, and his daughter, quite often.

braska lovingly encourages yuna to choose her own path, and promises to support her wherever she decides to go.

jecht, however... i mean, there's a whole minigame about that, so… y’know.

everything i just described, however, as most figure out when they finish playing through the game, is not the “real” jecht. i said he and braska are similar for a reason; underneath his ego, he, too, possesses the capability to be every bit as genuine and supportive as braska, and there are moments where he almost lets his true feelings surface.

...but, in the end, he doesn't. while he and braska are indeed similar below the surface, he’s practically incapable of allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable, and that, i believe, is what sets he and braska apart.

he tells auron to turn the sphere recorder off when he gets teary-eyed in luca. in macalania woods, he turns the sphere recorder off after trying to talk to tidus, because he's "no good at these things." tidus's entire life, jecht has ridiculed him for always crying—for showing his emotions. auron tells tidus that jecht loved him—"he just didn't know how to express it, he said."

even in jecht's final moments, he mocks tidus for crying (and even though it isn't genuine, it's still worth noting).

but… why? why is jecht almost allergic to vulnerability? and why isn’t braska? that may be where they differ, sure, but what is it that causes it in the first place?

i think final fantasy x, whether intentional or not, has a lot to say about masculinity. many have noticed this and discussed it at length, and i'd like to contribute my own (admittedly weird and kind of bullshit) two cents on the matter by examining each of them through the lens of jungian psychology (hence why i said it’s kind of bullshit—i’m not believer in jung's theories, i just find psychological archetypes interesting). more specifically, i believe jecht and braska each represent different stages of a jungian archetype known as the anima.

the anima is an archetype that is already present throughout the game’s narrative, anima being the name of seymour’s aeon—a fitting reference, given that anima is seymour’s mother. as it applies here, however, the anima not only represents a man’s perception of women, but it also represents a man's more "feminine" qualities (and while i don't agree with ascribing personality traits to gender, jung and all those other kooky old psychiatrists did, so we'll just have to roll with it for this analysis, unfortunately). more specifically, i think braska embodies a fully integrated anima, whereas jecht embodies a rejected anima.

what does that mean?

integrating one's anima, according to jung, means accepting and embracing the more traditionally feminine aspects of oneself (for instance, the ability to be nurturing, sensitive, emotional, etc.), as well as ridding oneself of the guilt associated with doing so. braska, being as shamelessly emotionally available, nurturing, and mature as he is, seems to have achieved just that. even his design borders on androgynous, his large, petaled robes concealing nearly all of his body.

jecht, however, very clearly has not. he rejects anything even remotely traditionally feminine within himself, even at the cost of his relationship with his son. as such, he is egotistical, lacks emotional maturity, and for a large part of braska’s pilgrimage, is incapable of taking responsibility—and, just as braska’s design reflects his relationship with femininity, jecht’s design reflects his own as well, putting his body (and his ego) on full display, emphasizing his muscles and scars.

(obviously, while not every aspect of the anima archetype and its stages of integration apply to jecht and braska, i do think they at least represent the aspects of the theory that affect one's self acceptance and emotional expression.)

as i said before, i think final fantasy x has a lot to say about masculinity—more specifically, toxic masculinity, and how it affects relationships.

the reason i brought up the anima archetype is because it’s relevant to the concept of toxic masculinity; men who aren’t ashamed of expressing traditionally feminine behaviors and characteristics are far less likely to idealize and aspire to toxic, performative masculinity, whereas men who do are more likely to do just that—braska being the former, and jecht being the latter.

jecht’s inability to express vulnerability as a result of how deeply rooted toxic masculinity is in his psyche is a large part of why he and tidus have such a negative relationship. for tidus’s entire life, jecht has ridiculed him for showing emotion (crying) and desiring closeness with him (wanting to learn how to play blitzball)—both of which are things that are often seen in men struggling with toxic masculinity. even ten years after jecht disappeared from zanarkand, tidus is never without that nagging voice in his head, telling him to “stop crying,” or, “you can’t do it, kid.”

similarly, braska’s masculinity also influences his relationship with yuna—unlike jecht, however, braska’s affects their reationship positively. this is because braska, in what little we see of him, is loving, supportive, and unafraid of expressing his emotions. he encourages yuna to live the way she wants to, and reminds her that he will always love her, even from beyond the grave. even ten years after his passing, she still holds him in very high regard, and his undying support is part of what motivates her to forge her own path in life—which is what leads to her and her party defeating yu yevon once and for all.

i don’t really have a conclusion, but i think this interaction between yuna and tidus illustrates just how each of them affected their children:

yuna, for a brief moment, can’t even fathom hating one’s father so, scolding tidus for doing so before she realizes it isn’t that simple. what a tell. braska’s positive impact on yuna helped her to go on to defeat the very source of spira’s suffering. jecht, however, left such a negative impact on tidus that, until he sees jecht change for the better in the sphere recordings he finds around spira, is plagued by his memory until the day he fades away.

[kyrithenerd]

ALICE CULLEN HEADCANONS

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

She's the jealous type defo

Uses you like a doll loving to dress you up (if you're comfortable with it)

Manic pixie girl

She's definitely a Pixies fan!

Wanted to be a model at some point but she was too small

Her favorite brand is Chanel even if she doesn't wear it a lot

Loves cooking dates

She's REALLY CLINGY

If you're a guy she still buys you flowers but expects them in return too.

If you're a girl, she's likely the girlier one in the relationship (is that okay to say? I don't want to be disrespectful)

Calls you "my love" and "babe"

Thrifting queen

I can see her loving mystery books, or even true crime

Fascinated with psychology but doesn't know why (iyky)

She redesigns the whole house twice a year

She's a near freak.

When you guys are planning the wedding, she goes OVERBOARD. She's obviously not a bridezilla but she wants everything perfect.

Expects you to get remarried every 5 ish years just for funsies

Gets overly worried about you

She loves arguing about different 'teams' in tv shows

She's team Damon.

MOVIE DATES.

Ms matching outfits

If you guys get married she wants to take your name

Loves it when you style her hair

I can see her being an artist.

She makes drawings and paintings of you all the time.

HUGE Star wars fan

Collects plushies

Sews you clothes

Ms. Roadrage

She's definitely bi (bipolar, bisexual, a bad bitch)

Takes hours to get ready

She loves picnic dates under the moonlight at the clearing where they play baseball

She was a balerina at some point

"My love check out what I bought"

Goes out with Rosalie for girl nights

If you're a girl you go with them if you're not you go hunting with the Cullen boys

Closer to Carlisle than Esme but loves them both a lot

Compliments you all the time

"You're my whole world, my love"

Uses her power to see your reaction and buys gifts depending on it

Saw you in her visions like 15 years before you guys met

Her favorite things about you is your eyes

Two words. Neck kisses.

You guys are a total cheerleader/jock x weird girl type of relationship.

Tells you about being a vampire bc she saw that you'd react well

Turns you immediately, at the first ask bc she wants to be with you as much as she can

She's Christmas obsessed

You guys do matching costumes for Halloween

Holds your hand

At the volturi fight, when she saw that you can be in danger she didn't let you near it no matter what

She's protective of you but not in a possessive way

After Pinterest becomes a thing she's ADDICTED

I can see her reading AITA reddit posts

She plays with your hair.

Lives on Wattpad after it came to existence

Still obsessed with early 1900 fashion

She wishes the 20's, 50's and 80's lasted longer

Had a punk phase

She was lost before you came along

If you're a wolf she accidentally calls your pack mutts, but tries correcting herself

LOVES going to highschool over and over again

Theatre kid

Choir kid

Art kid.

She's obsessed with the musical 'Heathers'

Reads Agatha Christie.

Loves chess and other more focus and strategy based games like that.

AAANDDD I THINK THAT'S ALL FOR TODAYY my requests are still open<3

[crimsonphantasmagoria]

I'm still thinking about the divide between people who think Solas was depicted as too sympathetic and people who think he was shown very unsympathetically because...both are weirdly right? Leaving aside any actual discussion of whether he's right to want the veil brought down.

In Trespasser he seems to imply that the whole world will die when the veil comes down, like what was shown in one of the potential ideas in the Veilguard artbook. That was my assumption going into Veilguard. Hence why my Solas romancing Inquisitor didn't ask to go with him! But in Veilguard, it's implied to just be some demons? Just a few thousand deaths? He fully expects at least Charter and the Inquisitor to survive. That's a wild deescalation! It actually converted me to the idea that the Veil probably should come down. It makes him way more sympathetic from minute one. Weird choice, if you wanted to make him more unsympathetic?

Then there's companions and NPCs who talk about Solas. The companions are incredibly unsympathetic to him during his memory reveals. There's basically no nuance. They even blame him for things he didn't cause, like the Elf-Titan wars. I would have expected, if we wanted to be nuanced, for there to be at least one companion who was sympathetic to his choices in each memory. But there isn't. Even the one where he puts up the veil. You know, the thing they're guarding? But also, Varric is out here actively encouraging Rook to help Solas in the regret prison. But also the Inquisitor is treated as delulu for asking if there's a way to save him. It's kinda weird.

And of course, the decision to have him kill Varric specifically to make him less sympathetic, and not to further either character's story or growth. Also, we don't find out about it for most of the game, for cheap shock value. It would have been more effective to know from the start. It also would have allowed me to make an informed decision about whether my Inquisitor should go into the Fade with him at the end in the romance, because I don't think I personally would have changed my mind if I'd known, but somebody might have.

There's also the thing about the psychology of having a secret ending, which makes people want to get that ending, but I don't think the devs will have thought of that, exactly.

Idk, maybe it was actually the perfect amount balanced. Or maybe the scales were so wildly tipped from Inquisition that there was no balancing them. At which point, it probably would have been better to try and work with that, rather than against it. But, hey, what do I know.

Frankly, if they truly wanted to make Solas unsympathetic, they should have stuck with the whole world being destroyed by the veil coming down, explained the full consequences to us directly, and given us some reasons to believe why this was definitely what would happen. I might still have sympathised with the man, but others wouldn't have once they knew that he knew that.