#that way people who don't care can filter them lol

[pippin-katz]

Voices We Don’t Hear

I was thinking about the scene in the cell down in Hell and wondering why it makes my heart clench so much even after having watched it so many times at this point, and I figured it out! It also led me noticing something in another scene that sticks out when it shows up. It’s the scene in the forest with Edwin and the Cat King.

It’s two lines of dialogue that I’m referring to: “This is all you are. Do you understand?” - Edwin from Ep. 6 “Hey, hey… let’s get you out of here.” - Charles from Ep. 7

These two lines have rare emotional tones for each of them. That sentence is a really bad way to say it, but I'll try to explain it.

We don't hear Charles speak in a soft voice often. He whispers down there in Hell and in Esther's kitchen, but I can't think of any other moments where Charles actually whispers. And there's something different about his voice in that line specifically. Because even though he's whispering, his voice is very clear and not breathy. With full whispering, the person's voice gets mostly obscured by that weird static-like/screen-filter that comes from talking that quietly, like Edwin's voice. (I have no idea how to describe what I'm talking about, but hopefully that's enough for you to understand lol)

So, even when Charles is speaking softly, it's not as quietly as he can. That line in particular is right after Edwin tells him what the demon does to him, and it's softer than all the others. And it's obvious why.

This is without a doubt the first time Charles has ever seen him like this: crying, small, scared, and so unlike himself. It's already heartbreaking. Then Edwin tells him about his torture, and he breaks down crying after managing to keep his most of his composure before.

If you look closely, Charles blinks a few times fast before he turns and cups Edwin's face. It's so dark and the lighting is so strange, but his eyes are shinier than they were previously. He forces himself to keep his focus on the task and being strong for Edwin, but he looks like he wants to cry.

Then he says that line so gently, so delicately while looking directly into his eyes while he holds his head between his hands. Charles voice is softer and a tiny bit strained from keeping his emotions in check.

It's the softest, most loving, and gentle moment of Charles in the entire show.

On the flipside, the line Edwin says to the Cat King is similar. Edwin definitely gets angry, frustrated, etc. and shouts and yells. But all of the people he yells at are people he has personal connections with, and the root of his distress comes from himself.

He yells at Crystal because he's having an anxiety attack after all the rapid changes to their routine, and bickers back and forth with her, but it's never truly malicious. He’s angry, but more importantly, he’s hurt. Crystal’s seeming lack of understanding of the weight of the importance is reminding him of how little people care. He snaps at Simon in Hell, but within minutes he calms down, recognizing how genuinely remorseful and ignorant Simon had been. He yells at Charles in a sort of angry-loving way on the staircase in Hell; he's not actually angry with him.

But in the forest, Edwin finds out that the boy he's been seeing and making friends with has been the familiar of the witch who wants to destroy them in disguise, and was pretending for at least some of their relationship. He also learns of all this because the Cat King exposes him rather than Monty confessing. He's hurt and angry, and then the Cat King pulls the "you owe me card" to try and get Edwin to kiss him even after all of the times he's rejected him.

He tells him off and goes to leave, but the comment the Cat King makes about dismissing him makes him turn around immediately. The way Edwin gets close to him, invading his space like he's done to him multiple times, and shoves the bracelet in front of his face.

There's real venom in his voice when he says the line. It's rough, gravelly, and it's obvious that Edwin has truly run out of patience for the Cat King's antics.

It is truly the angriest we see him in the show, at least from a standpoint of genuine anger toward someone he considers an adversary of some kind.

Edwin has no real relationship with the Cat King; he's basically his warden, the person who has trapped him in this town, and then treats him like he owns him. Given that it was a matter of diplomacy and caused by an error he made, he allowed the Cat King to have his fun to some extent, but in that forest, when he's just found out his new friend is actually a crow and there's a massive, ghost-eating mushroom monster threatening his and Charles' existence, p could not give less of a fuck about playing nice. He's frustrated and upset and stressed about so many different things all at once, and then this smug cat guy, who seems to think they're something more than a captor and his captive, has the audacity to say that Edwin owes him? Yeah, bye bitch! He is done.

I want to hear more of both of these versions of the two of them. I want to hear Edwin rip into an enemy, voice dripping with malice. I want to hear Charles comfort and reassure him (or anyone, but preferably Edwin) with that soft voice that is cherishing and gentle, treating him like something delicate that deserves to be handled with care after the universe has quite literally ripped him apart and crushed him.

(ko-fi)

[technically-human]

There are currently 6 requests left on my inbox, and it might take me a while to do them all, but don't worry, I've received them 💕

[annie-writesstuff]

Come here, kitty, kitty! - Sylus (Part 2)

Summary: The curse of the Evol cats wears off. Majority of it, at least. Sylus finds himself in his 'human' form. However, your reaction is not what he expected. He thinks you're one of the most interesting persons he has ever met.

Warnings: None. Fluff. I really think Sylus is a green flag. Man is guarded, but when he opens up he's a softie. Tall, dark and handsome lol. He is whipped. It turned kinda angsty (sowwy). Slight - perhaps - spoiler/theory about his past if you squint.

Also, thank you to everyone who read part one! I am truly happy that so many of you enjoyed it!

And thank you to the Anon that messaged me! I am truly happy you loved the story! Thank you!

You can read PART 1 here!

The sun filters through your broken blinds. You scrunch your nose, eyelids fluttering until they fully open. Your [e/c] eyes meet your old wooden ceiling. A yawn leaves your lips as you stretch.

"Good morning."

"Morning!" You chirp reflexively, yawning once again.

Wait.

Slowly, you turn your head.

Sylus smirks, wondering if your half asleep brain has finally caught up on what is going on.

"Um..." You stutter, tugging the blanket closer to you. "Hi..?"

The smirk disappears from his face at your tame reaction. Every time he thinks he's got you figured out, you surprise him.

You should've been screaming, trying to get away from him, hurling objects in his direction.

Instead you're looking at him with more curiosity than shock.

"Red?"

He meets your eyes, and nods. "You don't seem surprised."

"I am!" You assure. "It's just... I don't know how to react. I mean... You looked so familiar. And when I looked into your eyes... I realized you were my little kitty."

"Your little kitty?"

A little flustered, you hurry to correct yourself. "I mean... the... the kitty..."

Rising his hand, he stops you. "Now, I do not like owing people. But you took me in and fed me. So thank you, kitten. Name your price."

Eh? A bit flabbergasted, you stare at him. "P... price?"

"Yes."

Honestly, you just want one thing. "Can I pet your ears?"

Pet his ears... is that what you want? Well, who is he to deny such request?

Rather than giving his verbal approval, Sylus leans down, so that you can reach the twitching ears atop his head.

He is a bit uneasy when your hand first makes contact with one of his ears, but he realizes that, just like yesterday, you're being careful and mindful. His ears are sensitive, but the way you're caressing them feels tolerable nice.

"You're a cute big cat." You smile, switching your attention to his other ear.

A tiny gasp leaves your lips as he leans into your touch, a lot more instinctively than consciously.

"If you tell anyone about this, there will be consequences."

You can't help but giggle, solemnly nodding. "Nobody will know."

He nodded, satisfied, and once you have had your fill, he moves away.

"Can I have your name?"

Normally, he wouldn't reveal his identity. However, because he is almost one hundred percent sure you don't know who he is, he complies.

"Sylus."

"How can I get you back home, Sylus?"

"I'd need to borrow your phone, kitten."

You nod, and without an ounce of hesitation, hand him your device, which had charged during the night.

Sylus uses the special code from the unknown number to contact the twins, which soon reply that they will be on their way shortly.

They don't press for any answers when he asks them to bring him a change of clothes.

Good. He is not in the mood to be answering anything.

At around an hour later, he has changed into his suit, and he walks out of your small bathroom, buttoning his dress shirt at the wrist.

"Thank you again for your... hospitality." He reiterates.

You nod, offering some water bottles to the masked individuals that came to pick up the 'boss', as they've called him.

"I hope to see you again, Sylus." You say softly, walking him to the door.

The taller male hesitates for one second, before looking down at you. "I look forward to it, kitten." He says.

This isn't going to be the last time you see him.

He's going to make sure of it.

Once he is back in his penthouse on N109 zone, Sylus can't help but feel bored.

His eyes darken as Mephisto updates him on your whereabouts. He clicks his tongue, expertly maneuvering a golden bullet with his fingers.

Money and power can give him anything he wants.

Except that the one thing he wants is priceless.

His Evol turns to dust the bullet in his hand as he decides his course of action.

Sylus has always found humans interesting, but you... are a complete enigma.

He wants to know every little detail. What makes you smile, what makes you sad. What ticks you, what excites you.

He wants things to go organically. The two of you have a bond, already, and he would never force you into anything, but he's quite sure that you're also thinking about him.

Fate... is cruel.

But it is wise.

You have found each other, and he firmly belives there is a reason why.

Maybe in this life, there is a hope for happiness for him.

[alastors-antlers]

Why Alastor is good aroace rep after all, written by an aroace

Hello all! I just want to start off this post by saying that I'm one person who definitely doesn't speak for all aroaces, but I wanted to make a post on this anyway, and maybe some folk would be interested in hearing out another perspective?

I'm not really caught up on everything that's been said over the course of HH's creation - only more recent interviews, since I'm pretty new to the fandom. Apologies if I've missed anything, but also I do not have the time to keep up with all the out-of-canon-material backstory unfortunately. I'm working with what we've got here.

So here's the thing:

Alastor is cruel, he's narcissistic, he doesn't care about anyone except himself, he's a serial killer and a monster.

(That's the argument I've heard - please tell me if that's not really what people are going for lol, in which case I've totally misunderstood?)

The issue with aroace rep when it paints asexual people with those traits is that it aims to dehumanizes them. Sex and love are essential to the human experience, right? So why wouldn't someone be interested? Because they're self-absorbed, and cold, and detached. They don't have the capacity to love others enough to feel romance.

And sure, Alastor is a killer, and a schemer, and prideful, and a monster by hell's standards. But no matter how above it all and stylish and in control and provocative he wants to be, he's a very human character, and his aroace-ness never serves to add to his alienation. You could even say that it makes him seem even more personable.

That's what I think is the key difference.

why he's human

Alastor's whole persona is about control, and he basically straight-up says this. He's controlling what his enemies know, what his public image is like. His goal is to be the Radio Demon -- overlord of Hell, charismatic, Machiavellian, and undefeatable. He's not. Despite that smile plastered over his face (a powerful tool, huh) he's so expressive for someone who's constantly pretending.

You see his exasperation with the Egg Bois and with Charlie's ranting; his nervousness in front of Zestial; his frustration with Lucifer and the petty lengths he goes to to piss off the ruler of Hell.

You see his desperation, making that deal with Charlie. He's surprised by the idea of being vulnerable in front of an enemy like Adam, and so close to danger. He drops the radio filter and the affect out of fear, and runs on broadcast TV to let out panic and anger and bitterness in his hideout, where no one else can see him.

He has a smile that tells us he's genuinely happy to see someone; it's a little wider than his default. You see it with Mimzy's greeting, you see it with Rosie. Rosie, especially, serves to make Alastor more human to the audience. More on this later, but for now, I'm just saying that you can see that he at least seems to respect her greatly. Whatever bond they have, we know that he trusts her to touch him, to share history with him, and with support that he trusts no one else for.

He pretends, but he can't pretend it all away. Loads of these emotions aren't even advantageous for him to show. It isn't necessarily how the typical asexual psychopath acts; he's not emotionless or only capable of anger or brutality.

He's so full of emotion that it leaks through, despite all that he does to avoid it. He's not inhuman and aloof, not really - he's so, so human, even when he tries not to be because he thinks that'll be what keeps him above all the rest. In control, and free from his chains.

(If anyone wants to see images about all this, I'll make a separate post - just let me know.)

(I also have another post, talking about why Alastor is at least a little attached to the hotel's residents too, shown via conversation with Niffty. In what way? different question.)

how the aroace part contributes to that

Now, to be fair, we don't hear much about his aroaceness in canon. It's just not relevant a lot of the time.

In the pilot, Angel's proposition ruffles his feathers so much that Alastor blanks for a moment. It's a joke, sure, but that ace panic face is a pretty popular Alastor moment in the fandom - Alastor, thrown off-balance by a sex joke of all things, after so many years in Hell that he should probably be used to this.

It's a moment that makes him more approachable; his aroaceness shows him unprepared for something someone else does for one of the only real moments in the whole episode.

And the other part: the ace in the hole statement.

Rosie apparently knows Alastor so well that she read that he's aroace. That tells us about their relationship; namely, that it is long-standing and genuine enough that she gleaned a piece of real information from him. It's a casual fact that she knows about him before he even figured it out himself. It lends legitimacy to their bond - this bond that shows us a more comfortable and warm side of Alastor that we don't often see.

If their relationship is purely business, isn't this something pretty frivolous and personal? It's not like he has anything to gain by telling her about his life, but she learned about it somehow. How close are they? That's where it adds a layer of complexity and personality to his character..

thoughts on representation

Overall, Alastor's an interesting character who has a level of depth and care and personality (outside of cruelty) that asexual psychopath tropes lack. Again, the moments where he's being represented as disinterested in sex or romance don't make him seem detached. Again, they don't say "look how hostile toward relationships his behaviour is - how separate he is from our humanity". That's what bad villain ace rep is. That's not what the show's doing.

Also: I'm not saying that we need to lower our standards or anything, but even if you think it's not the best rep, I feel like we should be supporting HH's efforts here. I know that on Tumblr we have a pretty queer-friendly space going, which is honestly an understatement lol but

Aces are incredibly underrepresented in fiction. There's a whole Wikipedia page about asexual characters in media, and it's short as all hell, and even if you consider what's on there you see quite a number of one-off characters who are never mentioned again.

In terms of real life business - before the DSM updated their definition of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in 2013, identifying as asexual wasn't even a recognized thing. If you talked to a clinician about your lack of sexual desire, you could be diagnosed with a disorder. Only in the 5th edition do we now have a little exclusion footnote about it.

The concept of asexuality hasn't been explored nearly as much as other queer identities in our scientific research. We get crumbs in terms of mainstream representation and understanding. House M.D. has an episode where House "disproves" us because he's just so smart.

Alastor isn't going to be perfect representation. There's no such thing as perfect representation, and from the moment he was conceptualized, you could see how people would take him poorly. Still, I think he's a net positive.

He isn't a side character or a token ace - he's a core part of the show, whose personality and character motivations we can reasonably presume are going to be explored much more deeply in upcoming season(s). He's loved by the fandom. Right now, given what we know, I trust Vivziepop to write the aroace representation he deserves, because with the way I've heard the cast/directing/etc. talk about him, they're trying to do the aroace community justice, so I wish people would let up just a little on the whole "Alastor is bad rep".

Let's give him a chance, all right?

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Oh the Assistant!Kara AU tho…so one night Lena actually gets Kara to leave earlier than her (sisters night maybe?) but as she’s leaving she hears something suspicious and heads back up to be just in time to save Lena from an assassin, and is consequently horrified because people are actually trying to kill Lena? Like, she’s used to hearing death threats again Cat but none ever materialized and the fact that these so and Lena so…casually resigned? to them? Enter supergirl mode lol.

Okay but what if Kara *isn't* there? Lena is assaulted in the parking lot or in the lobby on her way out, and Kara doesn't hear about it until she's called to the hospital for a ride home. Injuries are minor, but bandages are visible, and Lena is shaken.

Kara is livid.

"...and where was the security guard?!" She ends a long diatribe with a frustrated huff.

"I don't know."

Lena's voice is so soft in the confines of the elevator up to her apartment, it stops Kara in her tracks. She looks at her boss, who's leaning against the wall of the elevator looking rumpled and tired in a bloodstained blouse. The wisps of hair that have come loose from its style makes Lena look so young, and for the first time Kara realizes that her boss isn't all that old in the first place.

In fact, she doesn't seem much older than Kara herself.

And tonight, her empowered, forceful, kind boss is just a rattled young woman who was attacked alone in a freaking parking garage.

"Hey," Kara says softly. Taking a risk, she reaches out to rest her hand gently on Lena's arm. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." Lena's voice comes cold and harsh, shocking Kara before it almost immediately softens. "Just... if you're kind to me I might just burst into tears, and I really don't want to do that just yet."

"It's okay." Kara kicks herself. "Sorry. Right. I can be mean..."

"I don't need mean," Lena says with a small smile. "I just... I just want to be home."

Right on cue, the elevator dings open, and Lena manages to unlock the multiple deadbolts with shaking fingers. The apartment inside is massive, and Lena flips on every light as she moves inside, allowing Kara to trail in behind her. They come to a stop in the kitchen, where Lena reaches into the fridge for a carafe of filtered water. She pours herself a glass and takes a long gulp before speaking.

"Thank you for driving me. Is there anything I can get you before I head home?"

Kara shakes her head. "No, I'm good. I'll clear your schedule for tomorrow-- I heard what the doctor said about the concussion, and you really should rest."

Lena nods her gratitude. "Thank you."

Kara turns to leave, then thinks better of it and turns back. "Actually, do you mind if I stay here tonight?"

Taken aback, Lena's eyes widen. "I-- what?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's late, and it's a long way back to my place, and I shouldn't be driving when I'm so tired. They say it's as bad as driving drunk," she punctuates with a dramatic yawn. She doesn't care what excuse she throws out-- Lena's apartment is too dark and too big for Lena stay here alone tonight.

"I don't know, Kara... it wouldn't be appropriate."

"Please," Kara says, falling solemn. "For me. I'll sleep on the couch."

Lena looks at her for a long moment. Finally, she relents. "Don't be ridiculous," she sighs. "You can use the spare room."

And if Kara checks every nook and cranny of that spare room-- and every other unoccupied inch of the apartment-- for any hidden intruders before she goes to sleep, well.

Who could blame her?

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

To the fell skeletons, how would they feel when their own kid inherited their own temper/anger

Like father like child in other words lol

Underfell Sans - He's so annoyed about this sometimes because he's not very brave and that means his kid keeps fighting him during their teenage years and winning the arguments. Red has a déjà vu kind of impression because that's definitely how Edge was as a child. He's frustrated and wonders how the hell it could happened twice in his lifetime, but there's not a lot of things he can do against that so...

Underfell Papyrus - He was happy his child took him as a model... For the first week at least. After that, he doesn't think it's nice at all as his child constantly argues with him to do the simplest things and since Edge struggles to stay calm, it often turns with the both of them screaming. He kinda understands his brother now. Maybe he can see why Edge was so annoyed with him growing up.

Horrorfell Sans - He'll live. Copper is a lot more chill with everything, and more patient too. He knows his child is mostly anxious and pushing people away to protect himself, and maybe he's a little frustrated his child feels the need to hide their feelings now that he's finally learning to open to people. He keeps reassuring his child they don't need to hide.

Horrorfell Papyrus - Oh no, if it isn't his own sassiness coming to bite his butt. He can't believe his kid is confronting this like that, not caring one second for Chief's inevitable anger following. His kid just doesn't care. Chief has no idea how to deal with that and he doesn't have the patience for it, so most of the time, he gives up and let them be. What do you want him to do?

Swapfell Sans - That's entirely his fault, and he's willing to accept the consequences. Nox would mostly have an only child, and spoiled rot them to the point the kid thinks they're royalty and explodes when someone says no to them. Well, Nox is happy they don't let anyone walk on their feet... Except when his kid acts the same way with him lmao. That wasn't part of his plan. Now he's confused what to do.

Swapfell Papyrus - He created a monster. It's a mini-him, but with even fewer filters than he has. When his kid told Toriel he couldn't trust the dying hybrid of a cow and a goat, he felt so proud. And also kinda terrified because Toriel didn't like that at all. But that's fine. It's a family tradition. He did the same thing at 7 years old and almost got executed for this you know. Nox is desperate.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He doesn't discourage their behavior at all and makes it way worse actually. His kid thinks they rule the world and that everyone is one of his servants. They are terrifying most kids at school and claim propriety over half of the playground, fighting children who dare to disobey them. Wine is so proud of them. Show them who's their leader.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Coffee didn't mean to give them his anxiety but turns out he kinda feed his baby with anxiety their whole life so... Coffee isn't sure how he can help with that. Because just thinking about this kinda send him into a panic attack and then his kid has a panic attack because he has a panic attack which makes him panic even more. Please someone help them.

Dancefell Sans - Rumba taught them well: when there's danger, throw your dad into the danger and run for your life. Ok, maybe they're doing that because he used to throw them towards the danger to save his own life, but still. That doesn't justify anything. He's not a lure!

Dancefell Papyrus - Tango is so annoyed his kid is always on TikTok. He's even madder about the fact they're getting a lot more popular than he is and using his things to steal his own audience. Who do you think you are? He deprives you of your phone this instant! Stop stealing his job!

Mafiafell Sans - His kid is a little shit. They fear no one, answer to everything just to have a reaction and they're mostly not caring about the consequences. Fang is not controlling them at all, he gave up trying long ago. He always have 200 dollars in his wallet to pay people his kid are offending too much so they shut up and don't create problems :')

Mafiafell Papyrus - What do you mean that's a problem his kid thinks everyone in the mafia must serve them? Torpedo told them they are the next mafia boss and to be respected by all of them, even if they have to crush them under their shoes like insects. Torpedo doesn't see any problem with that. His brother keeps joking about the fact one of his day his kid is going to betray and kill him Lion King style and that he would never see it coming.

[stillaclownlol]

@moonbiine got me with the Aiden bug

I thought a lot about how to start this and none of them were good so, here's this;

Frowny's Thesis on Aiden Clark having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) based on the DSM-5 criteria, living with people with BPD (hi dad!), being...me!, and general vibes.

What is BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder is defined by a prolonged disturbance of function marked by depth and variability of mood, pattern of unstable personal relationships, unstable self-image, marked impulsivity, and other symptoms. They can manifest in very different ways (the way it appears between my dad and my grandma for example is not the same), but generally includes this.

1. Fear of Abandonment

Nobody wants to be left behind, that's a given, but for people with BPD this fear can spiral into a paranoid phobia that impacts all their personal relationships. Because BPD is influenced by environmental factors, this often stems from children being abandoned in their youth (ex. My father was the child of a teen pregnancy and his parents couldn't care for him for the first few years of his life, letting him be raised by his grandparents. I also grew up alternatively without my mom and withouty my dad, and once for a time with neither of them)

It's been shown to us before that Aiden's parents are often absent from the house, for even months at a time. He seems very used to this and it's likely he grew up very isolated or passed around between different relatives. And I do think this shows in his attachment style; he is a very clingy and sort of "decides" to hyperfixate on a certain person (Ash *coughs*) in the hopes that they'll become friends, and he does this very quickly. Already so scared of losing Ash on that roof even tho he's only known her for like 3 months at this point. He really can't bear the thought of her not being with him.

On the subject of Ash he's idolized her sooooo bad she's so screwed. Pls the Angelic lighting filter he puts on her?? SHE CANT SAVE YOU AIDEN. YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. (But i get it its hard) Ties back into how people with BPD see the world in strict black and white, he can't see Ash's flaws and that's how he defends her so much, she's literally like a savior to him and here comes the disciple complex.

He's been forced to move so many times, he's probably made friends who just couldn't keep up the effort of maintaining a long distance friendship and ghosted him, or even him doing the opposite, pushing people away just to avoid the sting of abandonment again. They can't hurt you if you hurt them first.

2. Unstable self-image.

He bleaches his hair end of story /j

No but really, tell me Aiden doesn't put up a persona- he's gone through the phases from quiet gifted kid to an impulsive extroverted mischievous mess. Don't you just look at him and feel the self-hatred coming off in waves?? Dyeing his hair, getting contacts, the ever present grin that must be painful at this point, it's like he can't...look at himself. Like he doesn't want to look at himself.

He can't even face his own problems; he literally paints a clown face on himself after dying cuz he doesn't want to process his feelings about it lol 🫠

Like genuinely, how exactly does Aiden want to be perceived? What is the point of this facade? For himself? For other people? I think he's just trying to shut away his past and start fresh without having to confront it, but...when the root is rotten, nothing healthy can grow, so he needs to get to the source of his issues.

3. Anger regulation problems

Unpopular opinion probably but he seems so angry to me. It's definitely WAY more present in the early chapters like when he goes tf off on Tyler, he was barely controlling himself there asdfghjkl- but I think it manifests more in him attacking the phantoms, it's obviously an adrenaline thing for him but I think he's taking out a lot of anger at the same time too. Even if some of this anger is coming from a righteous place; the desire to protect his loved ones (which ties into the abandonment too, you are still abandoned even when it wasn't their choice), because peope with BPD see the world as smth very...dangerous, I guess is the word? Even if maybe that doesn't apply to themselves

(Fastpass spoilers)

He's also not above taking his anger out on humans either considering he was about to take Alex's eyes out with that paintbrush and was gonna choke the life outta them-

(Done.)

4. Consistent feelings of sadness/worthlessness.

5. Self-injury, suicidal behaviour, suicidal ideation.

Aiden do be a sadboi even with all the smiley faces on his clothes. I think this is probably smth that was way worse when he was younger that led to that depression where he was locked in his room eating junk food and disassociating, and while he's probably coping with it differently it's still smth he struggles with. I mean shiiiiiit, because of his impulsiveness he does kinda cause problems but God he feels SOOOO goddamn bad about it lahdlsj, he was so guilty about the Ash situation, he probably beat himself up so much about that-

Emotions are very extreme, it's 'similar' to bipolar disorder with manic and depressive episodes, except they happen at a much quicker scale (in the same day for ex.) which seems to me how Aiden only lets himself experience positive emotions even tho he's in a deeply stressful situation (even tho there's good parts too like his friends) because he just can't handle having to fully experience those negative emotions.

Check, check, check! Aiden has zero self preservation instincts, he throws himself off walls, gets up close and personal with phantoms that could easily kill him, actually didn't give a fuck about dying?? Actually ENJOYED IT? But didn't wanna do it again because his Favourite person was worried about him and the absolute high of that feeling completely beat out anything else?? Okay man, we get it, you're living for somebody else at this point-

People with BPD suffer from chronic feelings of emptiness and pain is the best kind of distraction for Aiden (cue: him slamming his forehead on the table because he's bored)

6. Impulsive behaviors (aka a bunch of shit which can be summed up as addictions)

Well, for starters, he's an absolute adrenaline junkie, because he feels so constantly empty Aiden wants something to make him feel alive. And adrenaline is the flawless, biological, factual answer to this. Ergo all his octane hobbies and impulsive behaviors. Ties back into his obsessiveness, which, don't get me wrong this doesn't make him a bad guy or anything, we all get a little obsessed with things sometimes, that's just things humans do- but when you have bpd, it's very...difficult to just STAY happy, like an addiction, when the high wears off, they're empty again.

Maybe a bit of a stretch, but considering all the Ramen packets in his room when he was younger I wouldn't be surprised if he had some sort of ED or binge eats (Same bestie.)

Also for sure a reckless driver I'm 99% sure he crashed all those go-karts he drived before.

---

I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's hard to live with somebody who has BPD, it's hard to live with it yourself, it's hard to see other people go through it even when it's hurting yourself. I hate pushing people away, but you get so caught up in your own thoughts, and it just...happens...and when it's done...you really regret it, but it's too late...and you just wonder if things are better like this, being alone and not hurting anybody anymore, cuz they're certainly happy on their own

I don't think anybody who has bpd is automatically a bad person, they just have things harder than normal. People with BPD....they can be amazing artists, or good with animals, or really very kind. They have very big hearts, thats why they feel so deeply. And I think Aiden is a good person, because he has so much love to give, but has never been given an outlet to express that properly, but you can see him making great strides in learning how, with the help of his friends 🧡

Might edit this later when I get my thoughts more clear it's midnight here lol

[germiyahu]

If Hamas' Al-Aqsa flood were something like what Israel (allegedly) did to Hezbollah, the pro Palestine protestors would probably have succeeded in achieving some of their goals honestly. I mean, if Israel still responded the way it did to Oct7, that is.

Because if Hamas had found a way to infiltrate the IDF to the point that they could press a button and inflict massive casualties (if not all lethal) on IDF members and only IDF members, and maybe like 1 or 2 civilians died as a result, the leftists would have cheered and a much bigger percentage of people would not really have been morally outraged, I think.

It would be hailed as the almost impossible completely moral act of liberation in maybe all of history. Wow, the Palestinians dealt a major blow to their occupiers, and they killed almost nobody who wasn't armed? See guys, Hamas are actually very principled liberation fighters, I don't see how this violates any international laws, do you?

And yet, to the surprise of no one, when Israel does exactly that to Hezbollah, it's the complete opposite? And to be fair, I've seen more people online pushback against the terrorist apologists on this one. Is that because the overall movement is weakening with time? Or because social media is better at filtering content like this with time? Or because fewer people are sympathetic to Hezbollah than Hamas (which I understand why)?

Really giving such a neat and clean representation of that "there is no standard that we will not raise as Israel tries to reach it" trope 😪 like there really is no way for Israel to strike anyone that won't be seen as a moral outrage by a lot of people.

If there's no test that Israel can pass, then the test itself must be whether Israel is "allowed" to take military action at all. I think (quite obviously) the answer to these people is no. And I know why it's no, because Israel itself is a "colonial stain" and any military action taken against it, even acts much less principled and discriminate than Israel's, is "removing the stain."

The only moral thing for Israelis to do is just die. Or go away to a place that the Hamas stans don't think about or care about. Israel has given this crowd the long thought impossible golden standard, and they're still not happy. They've been backed into a corner with cold hard logic. This forces them to take the mask off.

Also lol

[hosuuuus]

why does writing make u sad? are ppl being mean? pls don’t put any pressure into ur writing like its just a bit of fun. but like if its makes u sad then that can’t be helped. sending hugs x

was thinking of filtering my answer for a bit, but ahh screw it. personal blog anyways. if i say anything too raw or bitchy or kinda ..eh. i'll either delete in the morning, or just learn from it.

cw: rant. might delete later but ive been frustrated. (if my tone gets snipppy it's not you anon!! love you love you lots anon and im sending you the biggest warmest tightest hug on earth ;3;!!! you're so sweet <3)

Anyways anon i think that's why I want to stop. Exactly because it's supposed to feel fun. but it's not anymore.

I think I miss the times when my blog felt like i was just talking to a few friends online, bounce off each other's ideas, and then that. now that, that was fun.

but overtime, I guess with how other ppl saw how i bounced off everyone's ask with a full on yap session, they prolly think that i'd work always like that. Not to sound like im being specific about it, but I guess there are times where I can feel ppl just send in something short, and they sleep with the thought that the next day, I just barfed out a whole entire drabble for them ready to read. Like as i've said... some version of freaking chatgpt.

not even a damn please

just straight up

"this character doing this."

like okay that's it.

not that I don't appreciate anons sending in ideas and their thoughts, I really do. But there's a difference in the feeling you get when... let's say I've brought out some baked strawberry pie, and people have a slice and they like the pie and ask about it's filling, ingredients, if i have anymore strawberry or pie recipes planned.

versus someone just taking a slice, and instead of saying they like it or at the very least ask about it, the first thing they just go is

"when are you going to make oreo cheesecake."

or.. something like that? do i make sense??? ugh.

which okay the first few times, just ignore it right? who cares lol, it's your blog. do what you want. don't mind that. write for you, and the people who actually show they care.

but when you get spammed the next day with a few more asks like that, it does get a bit tiring when that's all your greeted with.

and i guess im confused about my feelings on it because my blog somehow feels overwhelming with ppl, but at the same time it feels like it lacks... ppl. which is so weird to say, but i do feel that way anyways. it's like the more people find out about it, the more empty it feels.

And idk, it's even worse when I've also said i kinda grew a distaste for strawberry pie now, and the very first thing, THE VERY FIRST THING i receive after i just post saying something like "hey i think im gonna take a little break from strawberry pie now.. it kinda makes me feel sick from the smell" is 6 more asks the very next day saying

"omg can you make more strawberry pie? i just found out about your strawberry pie. heres a list of more strawberry recipes."

like every single time.

and yeah. honestly i just choose to ignore these things. literally plug my ears and go on a break. vacation mode and all that. it's my blog, ill write when i want, ill make strawb pie when i want.

But i just can't help but long for when i actually felt like im talking to people and they're actually like talking to me. pie or no pie. the pie was just an extra. and i actually felt GOOD about giving my pie sometimes because people have made it clear that they loved it, and they really like it! and there's a connection because well... i like making pie now for you guys! i made it for my tastes, but its nice that it suits your tastes as well! :) ! yay!! i love the vibes going on, you guys are cool.

just gonna say it honestly: i miss feeling appreciated. i miss feeling like a friend, who just so happens to write/bake pie, and people get excited and say so when i tell them I have something I want to share.

because now all it feels like is the only way i can ever talk to people again is if i pick up those damn strawberry pie recipes and show up with a whole tray of it.

And as much as I want to think "oh you don't have to do that.", it's so undeniable how it's all they ever care about.

Like the only time people ever want to talk to me is when i make strawberry pie again. and which okay maybe that's an oopsie on my part because that's all my blog was about in the early days.

but the funny thing is, the FUNNIEST thing to me is: it's so damn rare to see people comment about my strawberry pie, despite the fact they've made it abundantly clear that's all they're here for.

"blah blah blah you shouldn't complain at least people are showing trying out your pie. there are some people out there who can barely get ppl to get into their stuff"

i am. im thankful, never forget that. I hold each and every person who atleast tried some of my stuff dear to my heart. I would go more insane if i just held all these thoughts on my own and got ignored. I love that I've gotten some really nice and lovely people to talk with!!! and i love that im even moots and even friends with them til now!

but i guess im so frustrated because: how many times do writers have to act nice and shy about "hey uh... if you guys liked my work maybe you can leave a little uh.. thing? a little note just saying you kinda like it? even an emoticon is fine :-) if not totally understandable haha."

I think my frustration is doubling over because it's not just me, i just don't like seeing anymore fellow writers or artists who work so hard, so so hard, and so lovingly into their craft, and have to act nice about asking for appreciation from time to time. measly crumbs of comments when they deserve so so much more than that.

because as much as we want to preach the "write for yourself" thing, there's still an undeniable sense of gratitude and loyalty authors/writers will always have with their audience. so sure, maybe we''ll throw a bone, you liked my stuff, i like your stuff, we bounce off each other, everyone's happy!

but holy shitttttttttttttttttt do people make u feel like sometimes that that's all you're good for.

which makes you get into this weird limbo wherein:

we are here for your strawberry pie and just your strawberry pie. will we grab a slice right in front of you, every time you make strawberry pie? yes.

will we ever talk to you and tell you that we like your pie, maybe even thank you sometime for the effort or even say how it tastes good?

fuck no.

in fact, how about we just ask you when the next batch will be. or how about we just ask you to make another one right here right now. we want one with a bit more whip cream.

Can we at least say please?

...no.

and its soooooooooooooo so funny too because when i stop making strawberry pies. im sure by now some people will just go:

"that's alright,.. at least we know what it tastes like. we'll just put your strawberry pie ingredients into some other writer, or some other machine and ask them/it to make the pie for us."

which makes me feel ??? i don't know?? because i stopped making those pies, but somehow. for some reason. they're everywhere. which i don't know if i should feel happy and grateful because "wow i guess ppl really like the pie...?" but then again, they make it very very VERY clear that:

we just like the pie. not you.

[batterfang]

AI Art and Goth

I'm going to be yelling into the void here, I know, but I want to get this out there because it's frustrating and I just need to yell about it okay lol. It's my blog, I'll complain if I want to.

So, recently there's been some discussion online about bands/record labels in the goth scene potentially using AI generated "art" for their album/single covers. Why does this matter, to me? It matters because as an artist myself, I know the time that goes into creating a piece. The hours, months, and years I've spent laboring away at something that means so much to me. A piece of my soul is in every little drawing or painting I make with intention. My art is my mark in this huge world and evidence that I existed. It's an extension of my feelings and thoughts and loves. That's what art means to me.

On the other side, you have ai generators. On top of frankensteining images from the internet at large, they can also steal pictures or artworks and overlay filters on top of them to make them look like the generator made them. (So I've learned today, which makes me very upset and I also learned what "scraping" means.)

So with that said, I'm sure anyone would understand why record labels maybe using ai instead of hiring artists to create an original piece OR using the huge selection of public domain works that are available is frustrating and an ethics issue. Right? Especially those people that are a part of a subculture that is based on an art form - music. Right?? Apparently that's not the case because there was waaay too many people for comfort arguing that it doesn't matter. "Who cares if they're using ai art?" ... "It doesn't look like ai art to me, stop this holy crusade." ... "This is just rage bait." ... "What about sampling used in music? It's the same thing." To that last one especially, NO IT IS NOT, THANK YOU LOL. Artists interacting with another artist's work and transforming it is not the same as a computer stealing images and spitting out a monstrosity. You might tune your inputs to get a certain outcome, but that computer is doing all the work, all the composing, it's placing everything in that image. Why don't people understand what art means?

Whether or not these suspicious cover arts are in fact ai is up for debate, I'm not arguing that. (Though after personally reaching out to one record label about it and having received the most vague answer possible where they didn't even address my questions fully, I'm even more convinced that they're probably using ai.) What I'm arguing here is that it shouldn't be acceptable, from an ethical and moral standpoint. I don't want souless ai generated pictures to become the norm in the subculture. I want artists to support each other. I want the goth community to support it's artists and musicians. The use of ai art cheapens art in the worst way and harms artists and I cannot vibe with anyone who thinks otherwise.

If you read all this, thanks for taking the time.

[laguezze]

PAC: What's your ideal career path?

(This is for the career oriented people that got absolutely no idea what to do with their lives or have an idea but are so overwhelmed and lost with all the possibilities. I salute y'all bc same)

More piles this time because why not lol

Here are the piles:

Pile 1

Pile 2

Pile 3

Pile 4

Pile 5

Pile 6

Ready? Let's go!

Pile 1

I'm so into you, I can barely breathe ~

👩‍🍳🏖️🩴🍹🚣‍♀️🤝👩‍💼🕴️🧳

There are two subgroups within this pile so I will read them differently right now.

Seems like Group 1 is actually free spirited and out there and independent. You guys don't need anyone and you hate being restrained by boundaries or rules. Thus, I think a career that best suits you is one where no one rules over you but yourself. And of course not a high stress environment. I'm seeing you, group 1 fellows might thrive in a customer service position. Some of you might open your own bar or something, I'm seeing a lot of entrepreneurship here. Do it. Start that business and be happy.

And now onto group 2

For group 2, seems like you guys have some things to work on. You say your dream is to be a hippie by the beach that is free spirited and carefree but you are nothing like that. And that is ok. You're not less cool or more boring or ordinary. You being yourself is already unique, there is nothing to complete in you.

I'm seeing some of you guys are quiet and shy, but actually love people. Wouldn't be hurtful to try out some customer service as well! Weirdly enough I see the same career paths as group 1 for you guys. Entrepreneurship, having your own company, etc.

In general, for both groups I see these:

culinary arts (big on this one), Chef, waiter, bartender, owner of any place that serves food or drink, secretary, CEO, business management, HR worker, meeting mediator, etc

Pile 2

You like my hair? Gee, thanks! Just bought it ~

🎹👮‍♀️⚖️👩‍🔬🔭🔬💅

You guys seem like a bit of an airhead but in a wonderful way. I can't stress how positively I mean that. People seem baffled by the way you act and say things and you surprise them everyday. Seems like you really don't care about who you're talking to, there is no filter or personality switch. You're just you. And it's genuine. And it's enough. You seem to have some issues with people because of that, but also you attract wonderful opportunities as well. Think Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. Big Elle energy for real.

I think you guys might even be in a male dominated industry, which is tough considering your personality, but not impossible. And especially not impossible for you. Absolutely not customer service, though. Some people hate your personality (f them ngl) but your ideal career is probably one where your work speaks for itself and they can't deny your talent.

I see careers such as STEM, law, IT, music, biology, forensics, investigator, nail tech and criminal Justice.

Pile 3

Wrote some songs about Ricky, now I listen and laugh ~

🩰🪩🕺🏠👩‍💼🎭💵🤑😎

You guys are powerful. When you enter a room, people notice you. Which is why you could either do great in the performance arts or in a position of power within an organization. This is so short and straight forward, but so are you so...

Careers I see: dancer, CEO, event planner, actor, real estate agent.

Pile 4

She might've let you hold her hand in school but imma show you how to graduate ~

🏖️🤑🧳✈️🍹🍔🍕👨‍🍳🧥🚣

Ok you guys, this is gonna be a bit straightforward so beware.

A lot of you guys think you're hot s*-#, which you can be but you are not right now. What I mean by that is you seem like the type of person that says: yeah! I'm gonna have a private jet and a thousand cars and blah blah. Very materialistic. But you're not putting in the work at all, you probably don't even know what it is you're passionate about or want to do with your life (which is so valid). You just want to be rich, which honestly I get it, but you need some drive other than "i want a Maserati" you need to want something bigger. You need to be good at something and you don't even know what that something is. And something tells me that you are not even thinking about what that could be. You fantasize about being rich without wondering how to get there. Why do you want that? Status? Relationships? Reevaluate.

That said, I see two types of outcomes. If you put in the effort I'm seeing you can achieve that level of richness you're looking for. Some of you might start a company or climb up an existing one. Some of you might become travel vloggers or influencers.

If you keep doing what you're doing I see you're working at fast food chains (i literally channeled that I'm not gonna lie to y'all) as a manager maybe retail too, that type of jobs.

Careers I see: McDonald's worker, fast food manager, retail worker, makeup store worker (I'm seeing Sephora), mall business owner, souvenir store owner, business owner in general, travel vlogger, boat driver, tourist attraction worker, marketing specialist, hotel worker, hotel owner.

Hope it resonates and my apologies for the bluntness, seemed like the pile wanted to call you out. Maybe you needed it.

Lots of love 💕

Pile 5

I've been here all night, I've been here all day ~

🎤🩰🏡📚🧑‍🍳💐👨‍👩‍👦‍👦

You guys are actually going to be successful. I'm seeing some of you have bigger dreams, some of you have smaller ones (which is cool too!) But all of you will definitely achieve them in some way or another.

I see someone with a family and a big house. Some kids running around. Some of you want to be stay at home partners to a rich person (respect to you guys, every dream is a valid one) and I see you'll get that and be fulfilled. Vacation is a given. You don't struggle with money. None of you guys do.

Some common themes you all have is that your career will allow you to be calm and chill. There are no problems. Money comes easy and secure. And you're living the dream, whichever dream that may be.

A lot of you guys here are here for confirmation of an ideal life you have. Let me say, yes. It's happening. Maybe not in the way you think, maybe not in the amount of success you want it. Or maybe it does fully! But it's happening. I'm seeing some of you might want to act? You'll be an actor and have work but maybe you won't be a big Hollywood star. Or maybe you will!

Some of you may want to be singers. Again, you might not win a Grammy and become Beyonce, but you will work as a singer and it will pay your bills. Like singing at events, hotels, etc. (Or maybe you will win a Grammy! Don't let tarot discourage you from achieving anything! It's just a tool, not a strict rule to follow)

Anyways, you will be whatever it is you want to be.

I know this reading might be confusing but that's what I channelled.

Careers I see: actor/actress, stay at home partner, flight attendant, singer, dancer, librarian, real estate agent, restaurant owner, chef, coffee shop owner, flower shop owner, bakery owner.

Pile 6

A feeling that you can't fight, my one ~

🥖🇫🇷🌍✈️📸

You guys are travelers, no matter what you do you will be up in the air and onto a new place. Kinda chaotic, but you like that.

I'm seeing some of you might work in the fashion industry, models, designers, makeup artists, etc. You all are here gathered. I hear Milan, Paris, London, Fashion Week.

Some of you could just be a flight attendant and that's why you travel so much.

A couple of you might be touring for some reason, you might play in a band or you might sing backup for someone or you might sing yourself or play.

I'm seeing such chaos, though. Like a lot.

Some of you might do film! Or photography! And probably need to relocate for shoots a lot. So cool.

Careers I see: photographer, filmmaker, model, magazine editor, security guard, flight attendant, pilot, makeup artist, wardrobe assistant, set decorator.

The End

[icycoldninja]

I'm having a bad day and I found your blog.... I Need some fluff, could I ask for headcannons of Dante, Vergil and Nero with a fem reader who hates the gap between her teeth, please?

I'm so sorry to hear that; I hope this cheers you up. Enjoy. 💜

Sparda Boys x Fem!Reader with Teeth insecurities headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-So you're insecure about your teeth, so what? He doesn't mind, given his teeth aren't perfect either.

-Thinks the gap is actually quite attractive, and prefers it over the current teeth beauty standards.

-Calls you "bright smile" to take the insecurity off your teeth, and gets incredibly defensive of anyone who dares to mock you for it.

-Seriously, anyone who has the balls to make fun of your teeth will "accidentally" find themselves on the wrong end of Devil Sword Dante. Just saying.

-"Hey, don't listen to them. You're beautiful--everything 'bout you is beautiful, including those cute teeth of yours."

■ Vergil ■

Spent 15 full minutes looking for a picture of Vergil smiling that wasn't cursed or part of a meme lol

-Honestly doesn't care how your teeth look, you're awesome in his eyes either way.

-Never allows you or anyone else to compare you to other people with "perfectly aligned teeth", cutting them off by either staring at them unblinkingly or by taking you by the arm and leaving.

-Will Judegment Cut End whatever sop that dares make fun of his precious' appearance in his presence.

-He's a terrible comedian and has no idea how to properly tell a funny joke (the few he knows are dad jokes) but will learn and do his best just so he can see you smile.

-Will MOTIVATE you to be confident in your body. Though his words might sound harsh to the average onlooker, know that they are filled with love and meant to be inspirational and uplifting.

-"Do not waste your time dwindling on your imperfections. Just accept them and move on--there is nothing you can do to change them, so simply be proud of them. Show me you can be confident in yourself."

○ Nero ○

-Didn't even notice the gap in your teeth till you asked him about them, and soon after the question was posed, he forgot about it.

-Genuinely cannot see any flaws in your appearance; you literally always look good to him, it's like he has a filter on his eyes or something.

-Once his dumb ass figures out you're insecure, he tells you not to worry, and that you're perfect the way you are.

-Just like his dad, this sweet boy is massively overprotective of you and will straight up bitch slap anyone who tries to bully you.

-"Come on, chin up! Those assholes know nothin', so don't take their shit to heart. You're gorgeous. Always will be."

[necrotic-nephilim]

Sorry if this might be a rude question but why don’t you just make a seperate account for your nsfw fics?

not rude, it's a valid question! tbh it's a combination of a couple reasons.

i started posting anonymous dead dove batcest fics long before i had the balls to make a tumblr. at first i was content to just leave them unassociated with each other because i didn't really care about them being tied to me. i made this blog to actually show solidarity to my partner who wanted to make a sideblog for Sandman comic stuff so we could cheerlead each other and be brave together, since i've wanted to make a batcest sideblog but i've been nervous about actually having to get it going. (mal ik you're reading this go be brave and actually make your blog so i can cheerlead you damnit-) only did it dawn on me then that i should probably mention the fics i've written on the blog after like, three of them were posted anonymously. and it would've annoyed me to have half of them anonymous and half of them not, because notifications for them would've gone in different places. i could go back and take my fics off anon if i wanted to, but i can't switch the account they're on without taking them down entirely and that'd fuck over people who have them bookmarked already.

which, ties into my second reason, if i made an entire second ao3 account it'd be harder for me to see notifications, reply to stuff, and post things for both accounts because i'd have to constantly switch. and honestly i'd be terrified of accidentally posting on the wrong one on a brain fog day. posting fics is always the most tedious part of writing them for me lol. it's easier for me to stay logged into one account and have all of my stuff in one place for me and just use the anonymous collection when i feel like it. if ao3 pseuds worked like tumblr blogs, where you can't see all my side blogs but i can, i would've used pseuds, but since you can see all pseuds on an ao3, i felt it was a moot point.

and the last reason is i just feel more comfortable being anonymous on ao3 because of the rise in anti culture. on tumblr it's very easy for me to just filter that out and find the people i want to follow and block the people i don't. i don't mind getting hate, on tumblr or on ao3. but i think, for whatever reason you want to blame it on, there's been a massive boom of antis on ao3 who are very entitled about how they read on ao3. i tag extensively, but i just feel safer from getting targeted attacks if everything i write on ao3 isn't attached to one profile. if people like a fic i wrote, want to find more i always link my tumblr in the notes, but if an anti wants to get huffy with me, they can't easily track down my other things. they definitely could if they wanted to, but being anonymous on ao3 just makes me feel more secluded, in a weird way. it's like saying "if you want you can come find me but on here i'm just a weird faceless guy throwing stuff in the void". i've used ao3's anon feature a lot, actually, i used to be a hydra trash party dumpster kid back when that was in it's prime.

i also used to be vaguely popular on a different tumblr blog and my main ao3 and while i think it'd definitely be cool if i got a decent chunk of followers on this blog too, i don't really miss having fanfiction do so well i got targetted hate on all of my fics from the same people, i had my fics stolen, etc. it was really exhausting for me. i have 120+ works on ao3, not counting what's anonymous, and that level of exposure tires me, even when i use my main ao3 to post things that aren't trashy. it's just a weird feeling knowing so many people are subscribed to you on ao3 and what if you post something they won't like because you jumped fandoms again, or you're posting something niche, or you don't think it fills enough fandom tropes to be well-liked. i used to obsessively think like that, and it made me not write the things i wanted to because i cared about numbers. and i don't want to slide back into that hole. writing on anonymous is mostly to remind myself i wrote this for me, and if other people like it, they can come find me, but i don't have to perform like that anymore. if i get a really weird fucked up idea, i can write the really weird fucked up idea. at the end of the day, just makes me more comfortable! but i get it's a super confusing set up from an outsider perspective so, i really don't mind the question, thank you for asking!!

[joanofexys]

Hi! Sorry for randomly dropping anon into ur inbox, but I’m kind of in love with ur oc’s and I was wondering if you could tell me more abt Ilya? Ik u said they’re just some guy from Penn state and for some reason that really intrigues me lol.

Never apologize I love anons and I'm so flattered you like my little guys. Also sorry this is gonna take a minute and there will be many typos cause I'm typing one handed on my laptop while eating an icecream/my cat tries to steal my icecream bar, not that you needed that info

ANYWAY litte recap on Ilya:

22 years old

5'5

he/they, transman

youngest of 4, has all sisters

Played for Penn State

Now plays for Olympic Court

Goalie

Number 7

I haven't decided on what he majored in yet

Yeah he really is just some guy. He's the only athlete really in his family. One of his older sisters ran track in high school, but otherwise their family is full of musician. Dad is a middle school orchestra teacher, mom is a music professor, his sisters all went into the arts. He can play a, quite frankly, ridiculous amount of instruments and he enjoys them all but he's not particularly passionate about it.

His parents signed him up for little league exy because he saw exy on the tv once and wouldn't shut up about it/was begging them to play. His parents just wanted all of their kids to be happy so they caved very quickly and Ilya developed an intense passion for the sport that obviously never went away.

Ilya's oldest sister (Liliya) is 7 years older than him, the other one 4 years older (Kateryna or just Kat), and the sister after (Tanya) that only a year and a half older. They're all incredibly close despite any age gaps while also very much having a dynamic of lovingly bullying each other

Ilya kind of always knew he was trans and they were always in a safe space to express it. His parents used to joke that they had "3 girls and an Ilya" and they didn't even bat an eye when as a kid he went straight for the "boys clothes" and asked to be called a prince instead of a princess and only responded to being called a boy. At school it was different, in elementary school other kids didn't care but the teachers could be weird about it, and then as a teen other kids started getting mean about it. But his parents and their sisters were always accepting and they filled their house with enough love that Ilya never thought about being closeted or pretending to be someone he wasn't.

He gets recruited to Penn State's team as their starting goalkeeper as an openly trans athlete. His team's respectful for the most part. There are some people who just don't seem to get it, but they're never outright rude or transphobic to him. There are sometimes snide remarks and something Not Cool said on accident and Ilya is always quick to correct it and most of his teammates are decent enough to apologize and try to do better

And he talks A Lot about being a trans and generally queer athlete. He's happy to be one of those people out and proud for everyone who can't be. Ilya has always, unapologetically, taken up space. Not even focused on his queerness, just in the way he exists as a person. If he's in a room you're going to know he's there and you're probably going to know their every thought as well.

They care a lot and they take everything to heart. They're very much a "don't cry cause you'll make me cry" type of person. He's much more willing to take on people's pain and share their burdens than he probably should be.

And he has zero filter. While he's absolutely paving the way as a queer athlete and he has a lot to say to the press about that his press time also has to be limited because he will just say shit. He has insulted other teams, insulted specific players, shared information that he definitely shouldn't have, said "fuck" on camera too often to keep count, and a lot more. He is keeping the Penn State vs Edgar Allan Ravens twitter discourse alive and well with all the shit that comes out of his mouth

He makes his best friend his junior year. She's a sophomore named Alice and she's a defensive dealer. Her sophomore year she comes as trans, MTF, and Ilya is the first person she tells becuase he's one of the only queer people she knows. After that they're pretty much attached at the hip and Ilya would kill and die for her. Her family isn't super accepting so he takes her home with him for the holidays. His family becomes hers and they're more than happy to add one more girl to the family.

Ilya makes court right after he graduates and it's with Jude, Em, Mara, Florian. you know the drill at this point. They're the ones I never shut up about. And I think I'll largely be repeating myself and I don't want to be annoying with that so we'll stop there

Some other fun things about Ilya though:

he never learned how to ride a bike. he will never ride a bike. fuck no (he fell over and scraped his knee once and despite all the balls to the head playing exy that was his breaking point for some reason and he never got on a bike again)

he's a cat person

he teaches Florian ASL and it's the main they talk to each other cause Florian likes to go nonverbal

they were such a huge fan of Jude it took everything in them to not be starstruck when the two first met

the two instruments they stuck with were the violin and the piano

they have an addiction to strawberries

is almost always playing jazz music on a vinyl when they're home/have people over

he has a shitty autograph and Flor has begged him to "get better handwriting" since he signs so much stuff but he's fine with it being an unreadable disaster (Florian's autograph in comparison is gorgeous)

he is an unapologetic foxes stan after they win finals

[jujutsustraycats]

Hey ish! Your school would be starting in a few days and here a few things I wish someone told me when I was about to start my journey for 11th! Some of these might apply to you too even though the paths I have and you will be taking are completely different.

Next 2 years are gonna teach you a lot. They'll put you through the highest of high and lowest of lows. They'll change you as a person. They'll teach you so much about life (and also how people can be). Things would get overwhelming at times. You wouldn't understand what the fuck is going on at times. A lot of times you'd be left confused and hurt and alone for both, academic and non academic reasons. Also, you'd get a lot of career advice so you need to know how to filter out the useless ones! The best way to check authenticity can be reflect on the achievements of the one giving advice.

Even though your classmates might be in the same stream, you'll realise that everyone has a different story and that, in the worst ways possible too. There'd be times when it'd feel like none of your peers understand your visions and aim for future, there'd be times you wouldn't have a buddy to chat about your life philosophies with who also has the same opinions as yours (but remember to not give up on people as a whole okay? You'd find people you vibe with at the end of the day, you just have to be bold enough to put yourself out there!)

There'd be also times you might end up severely over worked and sleep deprived (but make sure not to drink so much coffee that your hands and shaking and your heart is beating so fast that your body goes into fight and flight mode thinking you're having panic attack lol). You know ish, these 2 years might completely make you or break you, but remember to not give up despite whatever situations you might end up in.

I personally was a several-Olympiad-gold-medalist kinda overachiever till 10th (even in 11th lol, i didn't sit for it in 12th because my priorities changed. And I overlooked it, don't do that. Celebrate your smallest wins and remember to appreciate yourself for the smallest milestones or you'll end up severely burnt out. It has happened to me twice over the span of last 4 years till now.) But even I ended up seeing the greatest academic downfall i ever had in front of my eyes at many times during these 2 years. And you should know that it's okay. A lot of people are going to be tough on you but try your hardest not to be one of them. Being kind to oneself can be difficult but try your best okay? And you said you are a perfectionist aren't you? Take care little dove.

I've seen a lot in these two years too. A lot of your academic experience also depends on what kind of teachers you get and me, personally, oh my teachers were pos and sadists. They'd bully me for the most stupid reasons (haha losers. You said i wouldn't be able to do it? Well. fuck y'all ✨ [you'd have to learn to be indifferent at times and not let their or anyone else's words get through you. Learn to develop a strong self belief.]) and I seriously hope you get better teachers.

But oh ish not every elder is bad, you'll get some amazing teachers whom you'd never want to break ties with. Hold on to them! okay? You'd also get really amazing friends who you'd know are going to last a lifetime and would be there for you in your toughest times. Hold on to them as well! Some bastards are too good to let go. Ha!

And also, in return, remember to be kind to your peers because you don't know what they might be going through (not to scare you but I had 2 of my friends who'd almost commit suicide, so yeah it can get scary for both, you and them at times but remember to heal them with your love and support. It's an age you all need each other!)

It's gonna be fun, full of lessons, scary, exciting and adventurous at the same time. You'd hate it sometimes and you'd love it sometimes, but despite all MASTI NAHI RUKNI CHAHIE!!! You won't ever get these 2 years back so make sure you don't walk out without making some amazing memories!! Vandalise stuff, copy the sign of principal to escape the school, bunk the classes (to study or not, your choice) have deepest conversations and most light hearted jokes and banters the exact other day, sleep in the class, eat from under the bench, give impromptu speeches on seminars and farewells, break rules....whatever ish. Whatever gets your heart pumping and adrenaline rushing. Because while it's the starting of peak years of your career, you should remember to be a human and have fun at times too. It's okay. It's normal. It's needed. One shouldn't be guilty about it.

Getting less than perfect marks on a few tests isn't gonna harm you as much as you think it will. The ones who love you will continue to love you. The ones who admire you will continue to admire you. The ones who support you will continue to support you.

Baki, main hun idhar hi ❤️ kabhi bhi kuch problem ho toh AA Jana apni badi behen se advice lene, I'll try my best to help you out. As I said the other day, the pain and trauma these 2 years have put me through has only served to make me more empathetic and protective of my juniors so if you come to me with loads of rants i won't say cliché things like "Stay strong". I'd first and foremost listen to you and simply that. I'd listen to you for as long as you want me to. Because sometimes you'd simply just wanna be heard ❤️

I'll try my best to be there for you! If nobody got you, I do! Remember that, okay? ✨

... Dear gods, I don't even know what to say. You made me cry. Like, tears actually sprung up in my eyes. Happy ones, though. Don't worry too much.

I'm not one for physical affection but I would've hugged you so hard if I were there. Thank you. This genuinely made my day.

[girlfromthecrypt]

I finally got to read the update!! Don't mind me rambling a bit about everything I loved about it...

I really enjoyed the beginning of this chapter.  Being playful with Basil in the van is super cute. It was interesting to see Reem and Basil not getting along a little bit, it makes me intrigued about if there will be any cracks in our little friend group's foundation that might start to show. And if so what that might mean when things start going bad.

Also, Anita is adorable!! It had me giggling when she called everyone attractive--I loved getting to tease her about it afterwards. I chose to room with her and the siblings--though the thought of Basil sleeping alone makes me nervous for the future...

Definitely Looking at Anita's comment about how your sanity starts slipping when you go without sleep. I'm SO eager to reach the horror. Though the slightly slower, cheerful beginning is so great. I love getting to know everyone and seeing them happy and bonding, knowing that there's horror on the horizon...

Javier talking about his mom marrying his dad straight up made me snort laugh. I work with kids and they truly do say the most out of pocket things. It's very true to life. And ooooh, Basil and Gabriel just...staring at the woods got me so hyped. Reading that scene gave me a proper thrill, that little 'heart-pounding-faster' feeling that makes me love horror so so much.

Hell yes at getting to tell the kids a scary story!! I remember being a kid and hearing classics like Don't Turn on the Light and being scared out of my socks. It's sooo fun to be able to play at passing that on to a whole new generation!! I'm 100% in to romance Basil, but this update makes me want to do a run where I romance Anita. She's so so cute. And the siblings both are great in their own ways... I'm sensing that I'll end up doing runs for each of the ROs, you've made such fun and sweet characters!

Aaah that ending!!!! Genuinely terrifying, and made me so anxious about the kids!! I KNOW my MC is going to be hard-pressed to keep them all safe. I can't wait to see what comes next!! I love how you write characters, they're all so likable and distinct!! This was such a good update, it makes me really eager for more.

HI (omg it's that cool person) HIIII <3

Thank you so much for this. I'll have you know I reread this ask like three times and I'm probably gonna read it all over again tomorrow bc it gives me life. I can't express how happy I am that you cared to write such a long ask bc of my IF if all things. Thank you, it made my day.

Basil and Anita's on-the-road scenes in the van were my favorite to write!! And yes, there's certainly a bit of tension in the group. MCs with high sociability or perception will be able to pick up on this, also on George's fondness for a certain colleague--- but don't worry, no one's at each other's throats. Yet.

And yay, some Anita appreciation!! Cut her some slack, she's not used to being around hot people and between a possibly cute MC and the FUCKING MALAKS of all people... yeah. It's not easy for her.

Ok so you know that you can also sleep in the van with Basil if your relationship stat/his approval of you is strong enough? I hope that was clear from the dialogue options and you just chose the cabin despite of it, bc if not, I might have to rewrite the choice. Furthermore, while I can see why you'd be worried for him, I'd be more concerned for an MC who chooses to sleep alone ;) [yes, this is me hinting at a future horror scenario possibly unique to that route].

Ah yes, Javier, my son <3 lol. Nahhh I don't favor any of the campers. Though, if I had to pick which one I liked to write the most, it'd probably be him.

Now I feel bad haha. Ok but srsly, kids can be VERY outspoken, and Javier especially has noooo social filter. You might notice that some of the campers' traits specifically correspond to some of the ROs' characteristics... Looking at Gabriel and Basil here.

Both campfire stories are also really close to my own heart, so I jumped at the chance to include them. As for the ROs, I do hope you'll do a run for each of them! I'm trying quite hard to make it difficult to choose between them ;)

I love that the ending hit the way it was supposed to. If you want to know what's up next, I have one word for you: confusion. Lots of confusion.

See, I need to give this story a slow, slice-of-life start, bc purely from a narrative standpoint, it wouldn't make sense for the horror to come out guns blazing. That's why the MC will at first be the only one to experience the horrors and for the horrors to (seemingly) originate from one of the kids, bc if it was more dramatic and the threat was to come from an exterior source, everyone would just pack up and flee and then the story would be over. That's what I figure.

Anyhow, I'm so glad I still got you hooked with this project. Thanks so much for this super long message.