#that was the first time in my whole damn life I’ve seen him cry ever

[harukaluvr]

my sister feels like she’s healing after 4 yrs of her mental health being bad.,!?!!,?,?..?,!:&:$:!;&:!3@29:$4$;),?

[yellowbrokenblue]

Right Person. Wrong Time

harry styles angst

summary: Harry’s fame puts you in danger, and he can’t let himself be the reason you get hurt

word count: 1.1k

— — —

Harry was half way through a residency as Madison Square Garden. The whole world loved him. He’d been crowned the new king of pop.

You’d left the show half way through to grab some food, and ended up wandering to take in the pretty lights of the city.

He’d barely spoken to you this morning, leaving the hotel room barely uttering a goodbye. He didn’t tell you his plans for after the show or what time he’d be back at. The past few days he’d been distant. It was unlike him considering how close you’d been for the past few months.

Apart from rehearsals and performing you’d been practically inseparable since you started dating, but now it sort of felt like he was slipping away.

He got back to the hotel room after midnight, you had reruns of an old sitcom from your childhood playing on the TV while you had been waiting for him.

“You’re late tonight.” You smile at him as he comes through the door.

“Yeah.” He says gruffly.

“You okay?” You ask, “You’re usually in a more talkative mood.”

“Been a long day.” He shrugged.

“Yeah I get it. I just feel like we haven’t spent much time together recently.”

“Yeah, because I’m working.” He snapped, “I’ve had a show like every day.”

“No, I know that-”

“Well clearly not.”

“I was just trying to be nice, no need to go all moody on me.” You roll your eyes.

“You just don’t understand what it’s like for me.”

“I don’t understand?” You scoffed, “Harry I’ve given up everything for you. I cancelled the lease on my apartment, I quit my job, I left my fiancée. Just so I could come with you on this damn tour.”

“I didn’t fucking ask you to do any of that.” He said angrily, “You done all of that on your own, don’t fucking blame that on me.”

“Stop yelling at me.”

“Then stop being a fuckin’ brat.”

You shook your head, not believing what was happening right now.

“I told you that this wasn’t going to work out, right from the beginning. I told you we should’ve just left it in Miami, but you wanted to keep it going.”

“We both wanted to keep it going, you were just too much of a coward to commit yourself to it. You can’t commit, Harry, to anything.”

He slammed his fist against the wall, knuckles turning red with the force he hit the plasterboard. His face was red with anger. With a combination of his drunken state and the heat of this argument, this was one of the worst tempers you’d ever seen from him.

“I commit. I commit every single day. To this job, this life.”

“But you can’t commit to me?” You shout, tears welling up in your eyes, “I’m just asking for a little respect here.”

“This just isn’t working out.” He said.

You’d tried to stay strong throughout this, but as soon as those words left his lips you couldn’t help but to start crying. Tears flowed down your cheeks and sobs escaped your mouth.

Harry just stood and watched.

He stood emotionless, watching you break down in front of him, every emotion you were feeling was caused by him and he looked as if he didn’t care.

“I think you should go back to Miami. Coming on the rest of the tour isn’t a good idea.”

You felt sick. You felt like you were going to vomit everywhere. A mixture of different thoughts flooded your brain.

Where would you go? You had no apartment.

How would you get a flight? You had no money.

Harry had made a promise to you that he’d take care of you while he was on the road, and now he’s here breaking that promise in a million different ways.

“You’re an asshole.”

“You should’ve listened to me before. This wouldn’t be happening right now.”

“So what went wrong, huh? You bored of me? You found someone else? Or has the alcohol just made you honest for the first time since I’ve known you.”

“God, I’ve not found someone else. There is no one else can’t you fucking see that?”

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you hurting me for no reason.” It was hard to breathe through the crying. It had already been a long day, but coming home to this had made it so much worse, “You’re standing there watching me get myself into such a state and you look like you couldn’t care less.“

“There’s always a reason.” He shouts, “Always a fucking reason.”

“Then you need to tell me. Help me understand why you’re just giving up on this. On us.”

Your heart was beating out your chest. This man, in the few months you had been together, had become your whole life. And now you were loosing him for what seemed like forever.

“If something happened to you I’d never forgive myself.”

“Nothings going to happen, you’re being ridiculous.”

“Those photographers yesterday were just the start. Ever since people found out about us, your whole safety has been jeopardised. I will not let anything happen to you because of me.”

“Harry-”

“No.” He interrupts, “You wanted an explanation so let me talk.”

“As long as you’re with me you’re not safe. People will stalk you and invade on your privacy for as long as I’m in the public eye. This isn’t the life either of us want for you.”

“I don’t give a shit about all of that, I just want you.”

“I can’t let you give up all your privacy just for me. That’s not fair.”

“This should be my decision, Harry.” You argue.

He shakes his head.

“Why couldn’t you just tell me, instead of putting on the whole asshole act.”

“I needed you to listen. I still need you to listen.”

“I am listening.”

“Well you’re not hearing me properly then. We need to be over. We can’t keep this,” He gestures between you both, “up, because it means you’re not safe.”

“Then up the security, get me a bodyguard.”

He shakes his head, and for the first time since this conversation began you could see sadness in his eyes.

“You and I both know that you don’t want a bodyguard following you around for the rest of your life.”

He reaches for your hand, placing his lips against the back of it softly.

“I’ll sort out a flight and somewhere for you to stay, don’t worry about that. This isn’t what I want to happen, it’s what needs to happen. And if somehow, somewhere in the future we’re brought back together then we will be. Just… Not right now.”

Deep down you knew he was right. The insane photographer trying to get in your cab the other night was a step too far, and no doubt something like that could happen again on a bigger more dangerous scale.

But you didn’t want to loose him.

Right person. Wrong time.

[lightofraye]

The reason(s) I’m anti-Danneel

Hello all!

This is actually my first official anti-Danneel post as opposed to reblogging an anti post or responding to anons who somehow found me.

First, a note: some of what I'm posting are reposts from other now defunct/deactivated Tumblrs that I was able--thanks to the Wayback Machine and/or Tumblr preserving the reblogs with information--so whenever possible, I will credit the original authors. It's because of them that I was able to find out all the crap Danneel had done and the evidence.

If it's a "Jensen said this", don't ask me where precisely, because there are way too many cons, panels, interviews. Just trust that Jensen did say it, okay?

Now... to begin with the biggest crime to lay at Danneel's feet: Abuse.

So I'm going to preface this with a content warning/trigger warning. If you are bothered by description of abuse, even emotional abuse, I advise you to skip. I will not be held responsible for how upsetting this might get. You've been warned.

Now to begin! Here's the issues I've noticed (and others). Hat tip to @taraslittlecorner (now defunct/deactivated) for the original post that I was thankfully able to find on the Wayback Machine.

I'll add a cut here because it's going to get long!

Public Humiliation:

Jensen eating gummy bears. This post was made as a public stab at Jensen for the amount of gummy bears he was eating. It was a stab at not only his eating habits/weight, but it was also a stab at him being greedy or gluttonous.

Jensen on the carousel. Another stab at Jensen about his weight.

The whole AD house tour is full of stabs at Jensen. She takes a swipe at everything from him not wanting to change the children’s diapers, not cleaning the toilets, not cooking, and not being able to organize or clean behind himself. (There’s a lot of sketchy things in that video as well.) She even made fun of him for being proud of his side of the closet for being tidy.

Jensen didn't cry at the birth of his children. Yet another attempt at making an important, emotional moment in Jensen’s life about her, as well making Jensen seem as if he is emotionless and detached from his family and children, and she’s the one that’s so sensitive.

The FBBC interview. Now, that interviewer sucked ass too, let’s not kid ourselves, that was one of the worst interviews I’ve ever seen in my life. Elta continually trying to make Jensen look lazy, saying that he didn’t smell good, saying that she was pregnant knowing it made him uncomfortable. All of this was with one goal, to humiliate him.

The gaslighting hairdresser. You will never convince me Elta put this woman up to posting this photoshopped, off guard, horrible pic of Jensen and herself, as well as disclosing the location of his family in order to make it look as if she’s been there the whole time when really she’s not. Jensen is very self conscious about his appearance, and this showed him in a bad light, again to humiliate him and make him look like a slob. (That seems to be her MO.)

(These are just the ones we’re all familiar with, but if you guys send more receipts you want to add to this I’d be glad to add them to it as a receipt collection.)

2. Controlling: This is another all day topic. Seriously, we could talk all day about how one can be considered controlling in a relationship, and Elta is no different. The biggest and most public thing that we can see is her constant control over his Social Media.

Now, we know good and damn well that she’s also doing this to hold up to her facade of a “happily married couple”, but it’s also a way of controlling his interactions with other women, (originally he was never allowed to follow women on Social Media; something that has recently changed since The Boys and Big Sky has happened), and to keep track of who he’s talking to and what he’s doing.

Access to one’s cellphone, email address, and other social media is almost as good as attaching a GPS onto a person. If she access his cloud, she can access everything from text messages he’s sent to his most recent emails to his employers.

I have some proof but it will take time to document all of them.

**For those SPN buffs out there. You will also notice that Dean got a whole lot less action between the sheets and with female guest stars after his wedding to Elta, and that’s not a coincidence.**

Jealousy, or extreme jealousy in Elta’s case, can also be the mark of an abuser. The NEED to maintain that state of control, and if he get’s attached to another woman that is paying him better attention, he may try and break things off with her.

3. Isolation: If you’ve noticed Jensen hardly sees his family anymore. He used to speak of his family often, now it’s rare that he’s ever seen with them. They usually have to come to Dallas Con just to see him, and the only actual evidence we have of Elta being there with them all in years is a sketchy ass post on Instagram of Thanksgiving a few years back. Jensen did take his dad, brother, and brother-in law to the Nascar event he recently attended. Other than that, there has been little to no evidence of contact with his family at all as the years progressed, and it’s gotten worse as the years pass of that “marriage.”

He also seems to have shorted his circle of friends to people she gets along with. Marcus, Steve, etc. And even on “vacations” it’s surrounded by her little group of mooching family members and friends: New Orleans, she brought her brother and mother, as well as Steve Carlson and Marcus. Marcus even attended the trip to Cali when they went to the Golden Globes after party.

If you really take time and look, he’s rarely seen with anyone that ELTA doesn’t get along with, or are friends with. He doesn’t even hang out with Jared outside of Canada like he used too, and that should raise suspicious eyebrows alone.

4. Hypersensitivity:

We’ve seen this in the countless attacks Elta, as well as her friends, feel the need to do to SPN fans, or anyone that questions the legitimacy of anything she does or post. I don’t have all of these anymore on hand, but will add the links if I can find them. She’s called fans “fat whores”, anti joker face used to have the receipts, they went on for a while. You don’t have to dig very deep to find this stuff people.

She’s even had Clif write long ass post in order to make it looks as if she’s been so targeted when she just really brings all this shit on herself. She feels threatened because somewhere deep down, she knows she’s doing wrong. You know how the old saying goes, the guilty dog barks? Well, Elta barks a lot.

Even Jensen can get a little defensive when they attack her at cons and to his face. He knows that if he doesn’t defend her, or trys to stand up for himself there will be repercussions. “I don’t tell my wife what to do. I’m not stupid, or suicidal.”

5. Unexplained injury, or weight-loss: Since about 2018, Jensen has progressively lost weight. To the point that the FBBC instagram page even removed the photo I used in this example because people were commenting on Jensen’s weightloss. They try to explain it away in marathon training, but we all know that’s not the case. The constant attacks she’s made against his weight are starting to show.

Every time Jensen has to quarantine with her he starts to look like death warmed over, weight drop, sickly looking skin color, (which is also a sign of malnutrition), and that dead look we can’t get seem to forget. Then we get him back to work, and it’s almost an immediate improvement.

Then there is the chunk that’s missing out of his nose now because of a nose injury that kept being explained in different instances at the same event as to how he even got it. It first appeared a day after the FBBC family reunion event that took place in May of 2018 in a post made by Elta of Jensen playing with the kids, and people thought it was just a breathe right strip.

If you look closely, you can even see that his eyes looked to be blacked, as if he’d somehow broken his nose.Once he got ot an event for Elta’s Limbo Jewelry line launch in NYC, he kept changing the story as to how he got said injury. First he told fans that he’d hurt it by hitting a pool wall while playing with his kids. Then he said he’d dropped a keg on it. Well, if you’ve ever worked for a bar or been around kegs you know those things are heavy, and that story is a blatant lie.

CONSTANTLY SHIFTING STORIES OF HOW AN INJURY OCCURRED ARE ONE HELL OF A RED FLAG PEOPLE!!

If it were Elta with the injury, and she kept changing the story as to how she got it, there would have been questions asked; but since Jensen is a man it was never looked into.

Take all these for what you will guys! It’s only my observations and opinions! You may not agree, but I know you all can agree that if Jensen were female, this conversation would have happened a LONG time ago.

Men can be victims of domestic abuse/violence, and the evidence is there! I’m sure there is more, and if you send it to me via submission, even if you want to keep quiet and not put your handle on there I will add the evidence to this post.

THIS MAN DESERVES BETTER!!

[swords-and-starlight]

ok i think this is my first time ever watching a show while it’s coming out so i’m gonna write out my reactions as i watch the episode for the first time, even though i’m watching it from streaming (i don’t have cable rip) and i already got a bunch of spoilers.

obviously spoilers ahead

CARLOS!! first time we’re seeing him with his friends this season! and he looks so good!

Natacha looks so good in green, man. they seriously need to have her wear it more.

TK Marjan and Mateo look so good in that shot even if the person they’re being mean to is Paul :((

i really want to see them actually play a whole game of catan it would be so fun

i fs know those two boys are from paul’s past. i thought they might be people he lost but i feel like people who bullied him would make more sense in the context of the nightmare?

i know this is gonna turn out badly but i feel like this dinner is going surprising civilly for now

“LT” aww

why is the chore chart so big i don’t think we’ve ever seen it before

this is kinda making me miss clipboard Marj

paul is gonna crash and burn poor baby

wyatt is so cute omg but i miss gracie

i missed judd soooo much he’s the ultimate cutie pie

paullll why you doing this to yourself

PAUL CALL FOR HELP JESUS

tommy is so nice actually i would never facetime someone i didn’t like just to check in on them

love tk and nancy giving each other looks lmao they’re so siblings coded

gina torres is literally the cutest woman on this show (with the exception of sierra) i love her so much

tk and nancy “it’s convenient” “a little too convenient” omg this feels like one of those disney movies where the kids are trying to solve their parents kidnapping or something

why does tk know that??

nancy loml keep being a dramatic suspicious bitch please

“the enemy is behind the gate” so dramatic for no reason omggg what’s cassandra gonna do?

love paul and owen bonding time, i feel like we barely saw owen interact with the house on a personal level so far this season

genuinely how does judd afford that house by himself especially when grace was out, he didn’t have a job, and he was taking care of wyatt

TOMMY UP TO SHENANIGANS AGAIN oh i’ve missed you devious bitch tommy

i love that tommy has just fully embraced her work kids’s delusional ideas and judds the one trying to talk sense into her now

aww i know judd and tommy have been best friends forever but i know if sierra was here she would be going to grace :(

PAUL BABY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

rich people are so strange

i already love jenna hope nothing happens to her

nancy and tk sending each other looks again lmaooo

ofc the elevator broke down

damn poor augie

aww ok they’re better now

WHAT THE SHIT why is she bleeding from her eyes!?!

it’s really cute that wyatt takes all of 126 medic teams calls it feels like he’s trying to look out for them after they saved his life

paul’s gonna get hurt and mess up on this call isn’t he

oh nooo paul it’s so hard to see him cry

i feel like we need more people to die yk like how does tnt consistently bring people back from the dead? like the kid that was trapped underwater in a frozen lake for at least ten minutes and was expected to make a full recovery but tk who was in there for ten seconds was in a coma? but it was for the drama so whatever

tommy’s hair is my favorite part of every episode. is she even allowed to be whipping that horse tail around?

weed pen lmao

judd is such a nice probie

ok so i was kinda right about the kids in paul’s dream

aww paul he must have been so lonely growing up

i’m sorry i can’t take the weed pens

girl miss melody how did you think poisoning your mom and getting ur sister suspended would be better than just asking to live with your mom

episodes almost over :((( i don’t wanna wait till next week

tkmarjan friendship i’ve missed you!

im glad joe and marjan are still together! they were so cute

PAUL!! i love this entire scene with my whole heart

controversial but i really love it when people choose logic and their personal values over love. this show does that so well. like with marjan and salim, they were both in love but marjan couldn’t see herself building a life with someone so flaky and that’s a valid reason to break it off! with tommy and trevor, i think it makes sense that tommy can’t love someone who might contribute to a family breaking apart.

i know that tk and nancy are gossiping about all of tommy’s drama right now

TOMMY CALLING HER MOM!!!

idk if this is obvious yet but tommy is in fact my favorite 9-1-1 character

anyway that’s a wrap i loved this episode

[pepperonijem]

vi. silly things & sensible people || all my love

"Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way." - Emma; Jane Austen

Summary: sometimes all anyone needs is a gentle nudge in the right direction Pairing: high school!bucky x f!reader Warnings: food mentions Word Count: 3.1k A/N: we all need a friend like wanda <3 || sorry for the delay! I had a job interview this week that I spent all weekend prepping for... i passed! (i'm moving to korea this summer lol)

previous chapter || back to library || next chapter

Wanda opened her notes app and started a new note, titling it with the date and began her weekly letter to her pen pal, wanting to update them on her life... or mostly her best friend's life.

You will NEVER guess what’s been happening this semester. Did you guess? Well whatever you guessed is probably wrong… unless you guessed that my best friend just confessed to her crush without TELLING me about it first. 

It was absolutely insane, I was getting out of class and on my way to find her and Steve for lunch when I saw a HUGE crowd by Steve’s class and right at the center of it all was Bucky Barnes and the only girl crazy enough to give him a handwritten note in the middle of passing period. I only saw the end of it, but it was… brutal. I’ve known Bucky long enough to know he isn’t the friendliest person out there but even for him… it made me so upset. He didn’t even take her card, can you believe it? 

Honestly, this whole time I didn’t realize she actually liked him enough to confess to him. I always thought it was a passing crush, but I guess I was wrong. She was pretty badass for that. But obviously Steve didn’t think so. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so dejected. I wonder if he’ll ever work himself up to do the same thing.

OH. But the craziest part is that a week after she confessed to him, she ended up moving into his house. Turns out her dad and Bucky’s dad were college besties. Isn’t that insane? It’s just like this anime Natasha made me watch with her once. We were in tears the whole time but uh, that’s a story for another day. Or a story for never. She swore me to secrecy after that night.

We actually didn’t realize that she had moved in with him until after the big exam we took when Bucky stormed in and she handed him a picture of the two of them asleep together at the dining table. 

Then that night, she ended up spraining her ankle and Bucky had to take her home so he didn’t get to go to IHOP with us. Sad for him, that was a fun night. Not for Steve… again. By the end of the night he was crying to Sam’s rendition of an ABBA song and chugging down strawberry milkshakes. He’s lactose intolerant and he slept over at my house that night. So… not much fun for me either. I–

“Wanda, get off your damn phone and help us move the couch.” Wanda looked up from her notes app to see Natasha, Tony and Scott waiting for her to grab onto the fourth corner of the loveseat.

“Sorry, sorry,” Wanda apologized before rushing to help them move the couch to the opposite end of the room. “Why are we doing this again?”

Natasha let out a grunt as they dropped the couch ungracefully onto the floor. “Scott thought it would be cool to have a pillow fort.”

“We’re doing this for a pillow fort?” Tony asked in shock. “I thought Scott’s mom just wanted us to redecorate.”

“Tony, why would his mom want both of the couches facing the walls on opposite ends of the room?” Natasha asked with a roll of her eyes. Tony shrugged his shoulders and plopped himself down on the couch. 

Natasha dropped down beside him with a sigh. “When is everyone else gonna get here?” she asked.

“Well Steve had to pick up Sam, but he should be here soon.” Wanda looked down at her watch at the time to compare it against the ETA Steve had sent earlier.

Tony checked his phone as he leaned over the back of one couch. “Rhodey just texted. He just parked outside.”

“What about Bucky?” Scott asked. 

Natasha shrugged as the doorbell rang and Wanda went to answer it, letting Rhodey in. “Sorry, I had to pick up the kid,” Peter walked into the kitchen with a proud grin as Rhodey rolled his eyes.

“Yeah but we brought food,” Peter exclaimed as he placed a brown paper bag on the kitchen counter. 

“You brought your Chipotle,” Rhodey clarified as he walked to the fridge to grab himself a bottle of water. 

Scott laughed and shook his head as he took the bag and handed it to Rhodey to stick in the fridge. “Did you guys happen to get Bucky too?” 

Rhodey shook his head in response. “I offered him a ride, but he said he had plans.”

“Plans?” Scott echoed. “We are his plans. He’s never missed a board game night.” Wanda could hear the pout in his voice. 

“He didn’t give me any details but I think it has to do with his roomie.” Rhodey commented, checking through his text messages to see if he left any details out. “He said he’ll be busy all day.”

“His roomie, huh?” Tony repeated with a raised eyebrow. “Have you guys noticed he’s been weird lately?”

“Yeah,” Natasha replied. “Last week I asked him if he liked her–”

Before Natasha could continue, Tony walked toward the group gathered by the island, eager to join the gossip. “Yes!” He exclaimed. “Bucky always sends these weird memes that no one gets exam days, but last week, we had a literature exam and guess what?”

“What?” Rhodey asked flatly. Natasha nudged him in response, reminding him to be polite.

“He didn’t send anything,” Tony noted. “When I asked him what happened, he told me he was up the night before studying… but Bucky never studies for literature exams because he’s a nerd who already read the books.”

Before anyone could say anything else, the doorbell rang and in came Steve and Sam. “Hey,” Sam greeted. “What did we miss? We bought drinks.”

Wanda looked over at Natasha as Steve walked in, silently begging her not to finish her sentence from earlier around Steve. Natasha gave her a subtle nod as she attempted to shift the attention to the newcomers.

“Where’s the rest?” Natasha asked as Sam set down his drink on the counter while Steve found a spot beside Wanda.

“Oh,” Sam replied. “I meant we stopped over to buy ourselves drinks from Starbucks. That’s why we’re late.”

“Remind me to start being more specific when I tell  you guys to bring things,” Scott replied with a chuckle, shaking his head. “Anyway, what else were you saying, Tony?”

Tony thought for a second, remembering his train of thought. “Right, so I did some more investigating,” he continued. “And when we were getting into groups for our Shakespeare analysis – I swear I’ve never seen him move this fast, not even at a football game – I saw him join his roomie’s group. He even smiled when she waved at him. I’ve never seen him smile at anyone.” 

“He’s not exaggerating,” Natasha confirmed with an eager nod of her head. “I didn’t even realize they were friends, but it seems like lately they’ve been besties or something. Isn’t she supposed to be your best friend, Steve?”

Steve put his hands up in defense before speaking, his voice just a little too loud and too high to sound calm and collected. “She can do whatever she wants,” he said. 

Although the other boys couldn’t tell, Wanda knew Steve didn’t fully believe the spite in his own words. So coming to her friend’s defense, she joined in. “Yeah, but isn’t Bucky yours?” She asked Natasha, turning the question back to her.

“Chill out,” Natasha shrugged her shoulders. “I was just curious to see if you guys knew anything else.”

“We don’t,” Steve said flatly. “Are we going to play or what?” Natasha and Wanda shared a look, realizing that Steve was feeling a lot more than he was willing to let on, so they accepted his change of subject. The others rushed into the living room as Wanda and Steve stayed behind.

Wanda watched as Steve leaned against the counter, pushing his forehead into his palms as he let out a sigh. Wanda stood beside him facing the opposite way, her elbows leaning against the countertop. Her heart felt heavy at the sight of her distraught best friend.

“Steve,” Wanda began gently but firmly. Steve shook his head, already knowing where this conversation was headed. “Salad. Now.”

Steve let out another sigh, running a hand through his golden hair, and Wanda wasn’t sure if he would answer her, but after a beat, he finally lifted his head. “Lettuce… I’m sad. Chicken… I’m mad. Mostly at myself,” he confessed.

“Why?” Wanda asked quietly.

“For never being brave enough to say anything,” He admitted to Wanda, hanging his head. “It’s just… we have something so good and I didn’t want to lose that. But sometimes…” he trailed off.

“Sometimes what?” Wanda pushed.

“It’s just,” Steve sighed. “Do you remember that time in the eighth grade when the three of us got in that huge fight?”

Wanda let out a dry laugh. “The one where you thought the two of us were dating behind your back because we went to a movie together?”

Steve grew a small but sad smile. “Not just any movie,” he clarified. “You watched The Hunger Games without me. It was my favorite book.”

Wanda nudged him playfully. “Steve, you had the flu,” she reminded him. “We wanted to take you but your mom said if she found out you snuck out and we got the flu from you she would stop making us that sponge cake we like. That would’ve been the end of our 14-year old lives.”

Steve let out a chuckle as he nodded at the memory. “I know,” he continued. “But for a week after that, I felt so left out. Like suddenly you were her best friend and she was yours, and I was the odd one out.”

“Is that why you ghosted us for a whole month?” Wanda asked, eyes wide with surprise as Steve nodded in shame. 

“It was dumb, I know,” he cringed at the memories of that time. “But I think I was jealous. Of you.” 

Wanda snorted a laugh at his comment. “Of me? Oh buddy,” she laughed as she pat Steve on the shoulder.

“I know, I know,” Steve ran his hand through his hair again. “But anyway, I think that’s kind of how I feel right now. Like she’s everything to me… but I’m not to her. And it’s not like she owes me anything… I think I just keep thinking, what could I have done differently?”

Wanda thought through her next words carefully, letting silence rest between the two of them. Well, silence was relative. The others were in the next room arguing about whether or not it was fair to let Peter choose to be Colonel Mustard when he doesn’t know how to play Clue.

 “I can’t say I know what you’re feeling,” Wanda began. “But for me, I think that when I start focusing on things like that, my mind gets stormy. I stop seeing things clearly, and I start doubting myself and the way I fit into my friendships. But then you two always remind me that’s not real. What is real is that I would give everything for the two of you, and if I needed it, both of you would do the same for me. It’s one of the most stable truths of the universe. 

At the same time, I also know that both of you would want me to be happy, and to choose what makes me happy. The same thing I would do for you. And I will always help you to figure out what that is when you can’t see it, like you do for me. When I remember that, the skies clear a little, and I see the sunshine again. I see you guys.”

Wanda turned to Steve, who wiped at a tear forming in the corner of his eye. She gave him a gentle pat on the back and turned to leave him to his own thoughts for a bit. 

Honestly, she was a bit surprised at her own wisdom. She wasn’t usually the friend people came to for advice, but maybe they should start, she thought. She hoped her words got through to Steve, as seeing her best friend hurting was weighing heavily on her as well. She was, however, very excited to tell her pen pal about this situation.

After she made her way into the living room, Natasha moved to sit beside her on the couch, now turned to face the television. “Is he okay?” she asked, nodding towards the kitchen where Steve still stood by himself.

“Yeah, he’s just raiding the leftovers,” Wanda joked. She was lying, but she felt that Steve wouldn’t want to explain to everyone else what had him so emotional.

Natasha nodded, not fully believing her words, but accepting them nonetheless. “Do you wanna play the next round?” She asked instead. 

“Nah,” Wanda pulled out her phone. “I have to work on my letter.”

“Oh to your pen pal right?” Natasha asked. “I can’t believe you’ve been writing to each other since middle school. Why don’t you just ask for his number?” She attempted to look over Wanda’s hands to see what she was writing down.

“Yeah, ask for his number and invite her to the winter formal,” Sam chimed in. “Unless he’s catfishing you.” The group laughed and Wanda laughed along.

“Yeah, yeah,” she rolled her eyes and continued typing in her note from earlier, updating her letter with the most recent events. However she didn’t get very far before she got a call from Bucky. “Bucky’s calling me?” She asked aloud in surprise.

“Answer him!” They all called in unison, as they looked away from the game to flock towards Wanda, even Steve, who walked in from the kitchen. Wanda looked over to him and he responded with a small smile and a nod, encouraging her to answer the phone.

“Wanda,” Bucky’s voice filled the room from Wanda’s phone speaker. “I need your help.” The group gathered around Wanda all looked at her with wide eyes as they tried to contain their curiosity. However it was Scott who couldn’t hide his gasp, even as Sam slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Hey guys,” Bucky sighed. “Sorry I couldn’t make it but I really need to borrow Wanda for a second.” 

Wanda chuckled as she watched the group disperse with disappointed looks and resume playing their game. She walked back over to the kitchen, and Steve headed for the living room to give her privacy. 

“What’s up Buck?” Wanda asked when she was finally alone.

“Uh,” Bucky sounded like he was thinking about what to say. “How do you feel about a road trip?” 

Wanda couldn’t hide her surprise at the question. “Road trip?” She repeated.

“I can give you the details later,” Bucky said. “But just tell me you’ll come with me.”

“When?” Wanda questioned. “And why me?” 

“Tonight. Right now even,” He sounded panicked and Wanda was beginning to feel the same. “I called you because Natasha already said no.” As if on cue, Natasha had popped her head into the kitchen and Wanda waved her over. 

“Nat,” Wanda began. “Why the hell is Bucky asking me to go on a road trip with him right now?”

Natasha let out a chuckle. “Just hear the poor boy out,” she suggested as Wanda looked at her suspiciously.

“I need to pick up your friend’s dad,” Bucky explained. “Long story short, she was upset he couldn’t make it to the awards, so I reached out to him and basically now he agreed to be here for one night, and his flight is landing soon and the airport is over an hour away and I don’t want to drive alone, but I can’t bring her with me because it’s a surprise and –”

“Woah,” Wanda stopped his rambling with a chuckle. “Long story long, more like.” She looked back at Natasha who raised her eyebrow as if to say See now? Wanda nodded back to her as she let out a hum of thought before an idea popped in her head.

“I’ll come,” Wanda said with a mischievous smile that was hidden by her gentle voice. Bucky let out a sigh of relief, and Wanda could hear his shoulders relax. “But you have to come pick me up from Scott’s house, since I left my car at home.”

“Sure, yeah,” Bucky agreed desperately to her condition. “Thank you so much.”

Twenty minutes later, when the doorbell rang, Wanda almost felt guilty for what she was about to do. But when she thought about it some more, she reminded himself of what she told Bucky just earlier, and her conscience clears just in time for her to open the door to see a panicked Bucky, dressed in sweatpants, a hoodie, and mismatched socks.

Someone will thank me later, she thinks to herself as she pretends to double over in pain. “Wanda?” Bucky asked in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I ate someone’s leftovers,” she pretended to let out a grunt of pain. “And it’s really not agreeing with me,” she cursed under her breath. “I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I can come with you.” She apologized.

“No, no,” Bucky dismissed her. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He walked in and shut the door, leading Wanda to sit down at the dining table as Natasha walked over with a medicine tablet and a glass of water. 

“Here,” she handed them to Wanda. “Don’t worry Bucky, we’ll find someone to fill in.” Before Bucky could protest, Natasha had walked to the living room and came back with a confused and annoyed looking Steve.

“Steve said he’d be glad to go with you,” Natasha beamed. He very much did not look like he was glad to go with Bucky.

“Uh…” Steve began before Natasha nudged him from behind. “Yep, yeah, I’d be happy to… sit in a car with you for an hour and a half… to pick up my best friend’s dad…”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but after looking down to see the time, his eyes widened in worry. “Okay, perfect,” he said instead. “Let’s go before we’re late. Bye you guys, tell the guys I said hey.” and he grabbed Steve’s wrist and headed out the door.

Wanda and Natasha followed behind them, Wanda now forgetting about her act and leaning against the post on the front steps.

“Do you think they’ll hate us?” Wanda asked Natasha as they watched the two boys get into Bucky’s car from the front porch.

“Oh absolutely. For a month at least.”

[askbensolo]

Journal Entry #49: tfw your uncle tells your gf not to date you because he thinks she could do better

I spent the better half of an hour wandering the grounds of Luke’s school, trying to find out where Fannie was so I could avoid her. Luke’s students kept on saying hi to me as they passed. Dude, I barely remember any of their names—the ones I knew from way back when, I’ve mostly forgotten, and Uncle Luke has taken on so many new students since then. But then of course everyone knows who I am—Fannie says Luke talks about his family a lot at school. I ended up handing out a whole lotta head nods and “hey bro wassup”s.

I couldn’t find Fannie—although I did catch a glimpse of her ex, Deirak, now a newly-appointed Jedi teacher, who seemed to be holding a Saturday session with one of the Jedi kids. He caught my eye and smiled and waved, and I panicked and waved back and scurried away.

Why did he smile at me? I thought he didn’t like me. I mean, he doesn’t have a reason to like me. Fannie started hanging out with me all the time immediately after they broke up. But then, Jedi aren’t allowed to, like, not like people, huh.

…I could never be a Jedi.

Eventually, I gave up the search and headed to Luke’s office, which was where he and I had been planning to meet and catch up. And, ha—of course—as the Force would have it—well, I don’t even need to really say it, do I?

“…it’s just so hard, Luke. I love him so much. I don’t think I could even begin to tell you how much I love him.”

I stopped in my tracks, about five feet away from Luke’s office door. My heart started pounding. It was her. And then I felt the absolute weirdest cocktail of emotions—giddiness and affection because that’s my freaking wife I love the sound of her voice AHHHHH I haven’t seen her in a whole entire month!! I love her so freaking MUCH and absolute terror because we haven’t talked for four days what’s gonna happen if she sees me??? and indignant anger because wait what the frick who gave her the right to tell my uncle about all this, I haven’t even told my parents yet, she never asked my permission to tell anyone and insane delight because hold on did she just say she loves me?? and then immense sadness because oh yeah, but, she’s questioning whether she and I should even be together at all…

I slumped against the stone wall and tried to catch my breath. She sounded all stuffy, like she’d been crying.

“I love him, Luke. Ever since I first saw him, and so much more as I’ve gotten to know him, and…this feels like the only thing I truly want. I have learned not to want. I have learned to be content in all things. But, I have always liked him, and I have never thought he would feel the same way, and now that he does, I can’t—can’t let go.”

Muffled sobs. My heart wrenched. I mean…yeah, there was all this…stuff…between us now, but…I still hated for her to hurt. And…I didn’t know she liked me so much.

I don’t think I’ve ever been the one thing someone’s wanted before. I felt this sort of…profound ache, I guess, that I never knew I had inside me. Because…yeah. I am constantly fighting the delusion that everyone hates me and wants me gone. I know better than to give these thoughts credit, but a couple times a week I find myself wondering…would it really make a difference to anyone if I disappeared?

So…all of a sudden, as soon as she said that, on top of everything else—I wanted so badly for someone to want me half as much as she said she did. To be so important to someone as to be the one thing they wanted out of life…? Damn.

Snoke had made me feel that way—well, not exactly that way—but something a little like it. I had been special to him. Until I disproved my usefulness, I guess.

My uncle’s gentle voice from the other room broke through my thoughts.

“Fannie,” Luke was saying, in that warm, measured tone of his. “You are very wise, and I am very proud of you. You have learned the way of the Jedi. You have learned to know yourself. To know your desires. To recognize the needs they reflect. I find it so completely natural that you would have feelings for Ben. He’s a sweet kid, and reminds me so much of his dad. And I know the two of you have shared a special friendship. I think you’ve meant a lot to him. You’ve been able to connect with him more than any of your other classmates have. I know he means a lot to you. But, I also think you know what is right. He’s not a Jedi, Fannie. And he is not in touch with the Force.”

I chewed on my lip and slowly slid down the wall until I was sitting on the stone floor. I tried to make sense of Luke’s words. Yeah, I wasn’t a Jedi. And neither was Mom. Was that how Luke felt about us? How he felt about me? That just because we weren’t like him, we were doing something wrong? That there was something wrong with me?

Snoke’s words echoed in my mind. If you ever strayed from your uncle’s narrow view of the light…

“If you choose to bond yourself to him, Fannie, it would be a difficult road,” Luke was telling her. “Permit me a farmer’s analogy: a team of banthas cannot travel far, if they are each headed in different directions. You might pull him one way, true. He might also end up pulling you astray.”

Astray? It wasn’t like I was a Sith Lord. I was just…you know…a guy.

“But…suppose I were able to teach him, Luke. Suppose that, by loving him, I could show him the light…”

“Hm. The Force may choose to work in such a way. But…I suspect it would do so as a mercy, rather than as a rule. Would you want to bank on that, Fannie? And would you want him to become a Jedi, not of his own will, but for your sake?”

She was quiet for a moment. And then:

“…Master Luke…do you think it…possible…that Ben might choose to seek the Force on his own?”

“Do you?”

“Well…I do think it’s possible...”

“As do I,” Luke agreed. “All things are possible, Fannie. You know I believe that. I believed that about my father, and I believe that about your father. How much more, therefore, do I believe it for Ben. But…whether Ben chooses to center his life around the light is really up to him. You can’t make him. And I can’t make him. And even the Force itself cannot make him. He must choose. And you must choose.”

My knees started bouncing rapidly in that nervous way my mom always hated.

“So…what will you choose, Fannie? Will you choose to serve the light side of the Force, above all? Or will you choose to serve your desire? Even a good desire?”

A full minute, spent in silence. That was so Fannie. I would have chuckled—if I wasn’t currently being driven insane.

“…I am a Jedi,” I heard Fannie say finally. “So…the answer is clear. Albeit painful.”

My stomach plummeted.

The shuffle of robes. I think Luke was hugging her. As if to reward her for driving a stake through my gut.

“Your desires are not wrong, Fannie,” my uncle told her. “I know you love him and care for him. Your love for him is a beautiful thing. Your desire to love and be loved is a beautiful thing, and a right thing. But where will you choose to meet your good desires? How will you choose? By whatever is easiest? Whatever is fastest? By wherever you feel the strongest pull?”

“…By wisdom, Master Luke.”

“Yes. By wisdom.”

“For this is the way of the Jedi.”

“Yes. This is the way of the light.”

My eyes darted back and forth between all the little cracks in the floor as I tried to wrap my head around all this. Fannie…

Why…

…I didn’t understand.

I felt kind of nauseous and the back of my neck prickled up with sweat and my pinky toes started to hurt.

And suddenly I felt this…intense…rage…come upon me. Because…who would choose this? Who would choose to serve a power that required you to give up the things you wanted most? Snoke had tried for years to control me…to take everything I had…only for it to turn out that the light side of the Force was exactly the same.

My throat tightened up. If there had been any curiosity for the Force left in me at that moment, it died.

And then my anger turned toward my uncle, and his narrow-minded beliefs, and his stupid Jedi cult.

I blinked back tears. My ears felt all hot. And I began to hear them again…more clearly this time…those voices that called for me and crooned my name.

I stood up—maybe a little too fast—my head spun—but it was already spinning anyway. And then, I decided—

…Well. Wait. Before I go on.

What do you think I should have done?

[kadextra]

after my previous post, I decided to read ahead of the manhwa now bc I can’t wait!!! and I kinda feel like writing down some liveblog thoughts here while doing it :D

here we go, starting from chapter 184

[ MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!! DO NOT CLICK if you haven’t ever read before. I’m so serious its a lot of spoilers. pls just ignore this and scroll on ]

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ummm dokja saying “oh this scenario will be fine! don’t worry i’m prepared this will be problem-free & so very easy haha :)” + getting all emotional about his friends is setting off my red flag senses so hard. dokja you still have the fate message praying on your downfall….

dokja I’m scared. Dokja I Don’t Like This

ah. hah. the demon king guy is literally dead on the floor 🧍awesome

damn I knew this couldn’t be trusted and some plot twist would happen it was never going to be that simple. someone has to take the position now. I hate you nebulaes how about you catch these hands

OH NO JOONGHYUK?? YOU STUPID IDIOT STOP

my boys are fighting o(-(

yo wait turns out the world won’t reset even if he regresses??? but still :( he won’t be able to see this to the end and will get stuck back in the loop :(( joonghyuk has changed so much from the start and I’ve grown to like him a lot he doesn’t deserve this I’ll cry

OF COURSE DOKJA GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF INSTEAD. ITS HIS FAVORITE HOBBY!

dokja’s self reflection of how the reason he survived all the tragedies in his life is bc of TWSA & watching how joonghyuk never gave up…. the whole “it’s because you saved me so now it’s my turn to save you” from a person directed to their favorite character and their favorite story which was their life companion…. honestly I don’t quite have words to describe the way these lines make me feel. it’s just profound and deeply relatable

gilyoung my poor son he doesn’t want his hyung to die 😭

sighs it’s too late. at least demon king dokja looks cool…. now the wings fanart I’ve seen in passing makes sense…..

he’s a goner

I am going to be completely honest. I genuinely expected to be reading more of an epic shounen-style final battle where he uses all the cool corrupted demon powers and maybe goes a little wacky because that’s usually what happens in stories when the protagonist unlocks an evil power and has to fight his friends. NOT THIS????????

the situation has zero hope and he is just standing there one sidedly taking hits from his friends who are forced to kill him. while guiding them on how to do it. smiling and offering them words of encouragement. this is so devastating I feel sick

URIEL MY BABY seeing her cry is the worst it’s torture

of course his stigma is called sacrificial will

STOP

THAT ARTWORK

THEY ARE HIS LOVED FAMILY…… HE LOVES THEM ALL N JOONGHYUK WAS YHR PERSON HE LOVED MOST I CALLED IT I want to hit something

im full on crying now

all the constellations messages of they don’t wish for his death I’m not strong enough

reading this feels like getting ripped apart limb by limb

NO WAY THE FVGTIFJFJCKN HELD BY THE NECK THING RETURNS A THIRD TIME LIKE THIS??? STOOOPPPPPPPP

uriel T-T

he died

demon king of salvation

need to just lay here for a bit

ok I’m back joonghyuk is disassociating from the grief. relatable

“What if Yoo Joonghyuk went back and there was no Kim Dokja? or what if Kim Dokja never acted like this again? Yoo Joonghyuk was afraid of something for the first time.”

“He met Kim Dokja in his third regression and they became companions. Then he lost Kim Dokja”

he cares for him so much

a scenario without dokja.

whag did I just read

-

UGH that was so good. emotional damage was an understatement now I get why ppl were warning me

why did I decide to do this in the middle of the night…. I need to stop now I’m tired but how am I going to sleep? im haunted with thoughts

it’ll take a bit longer for the manhwa to adapt this part but I’m honestly really glad I continued reading and got to imagine it all myself in detail first- it hit so hard. I’ll let it sit and take a few days break before I continue. excited to see how they adapt it into drawings and cry all over again cause this wound ain’t healing for a while

I have the need to recommend this story to all my friends and family

oh right!!!!

the other day I went through youtube animatics & saved some that I could watch when finishing certain chapters into a note (thank goodness most put a warning of when to watch in the first few seconds!)

since I finished 188, I get to watch this one :D

I just watched it

I cry myself to sleep

[timaeusterrored]

(Like Father Like Son)

((I feel like I’ve never actually written a father-son moment between Vax and Vik, and what better time than now? Set sometime after he starts healing from the Space Station))

Vax had always loved rooftops, ever since he was a kid. Whenever he sat up there, for once he didn’t feel so small. That maybe being up there could save him from the city trying to swallow him. Even as a kid, V was terrified of the city eating him whole, becoming a no one. Another face in a sea of nobodies.

“Y’know, I’ll never forget the first time I looked up and saw you sitting on a roof. Damn near climbed the building to get you down.”

Vax turned at the sudden voice, not expecting anyone up here. But there stood Vik, arms crossed and leaned again the door way.

“Don’t you have your own roof to go sit on or somethin’? Or did the ol’ Rockerboy finally chase you away?” Vik sat down next to V, their legs dangling over the edge. Vax noted Vik was making an effort to not look down. Not everyone could handle heights.

“Nah, he’s busy with the ‘Saka bullshit still… and his new album.” Vax tried to keep the sad tone out of his voice, but he was struggling to. And he knew Vik heard it.

“Trouble in paradise? He fuck up?”

“He’s been perfect, Vik… it ain’t that.” Vax sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I’m so fuckin’ tired… and lonely. Ker invites me to join him when he goes places… but he doesn’t need me. No one fuckin’ does. No one needs V anymore…”

Vik let that settle in, watching his son for a long moment. Was that what this was? He felt unneeded? Unwanted even?

“You’re right. I don’t need V.” Maybe that was a bad way to start because Vax chuckled like he knew something. “I need Vax. I need that spunky little fifteen year old smart ass I met damn near 15 years ago.” Holy fuck it had been 15 years already.

Vax was staring at him, as if confused by his statement. He never had been a man of words.

“Y’know… when I first brought you in, I was thinking ‘what the fuck am I doing? I can’t raise a kid. Much less a 15 year old.’ And with you glaring at me for like a month straight, I really didn’t think we were getting far. But Vax… you changed my life. When you won your first boxing match, I just yelled ‘That’s my kid! That’s my kid right there!’ I was so fucking proud of you… then that fucker took you when you were 17 and I didn’t know what the fuck to do. All I knew was that my kid was gone and no one had seen him in days… then Rogue comes to my door holding you, you’re shaking and covered in blood and smell like a fucking campfire and I don’t think I’ve ever been more relieved to see you in my life… until Arasaka took you. Losing Jackie felt like losing a son… and I kept just… hoping, praying, I dunno, everything to just get that thing out of you. For you to live.”

When Vik was mostly done because he felt he was talking nonsense, he looked at V… to find him with tears in his eyes. Oh fuck, he hadn’t meant to make him cry.

“And when you brought fucking Kerry Eurodyne home, I was like “oh hell no.” Because I’ve read some shit-“ Vik attempted to joke but Vax let out a sound that he couldn’t tell if the poor man was laughing or crying.

Vik patted his son’s back, letting him get it out. Kerry said Vax had been rather unresponsive to things, and this is probably the first time he’s cried in a while. The ripperdoc couldn’t even begin to understand what this man went through.

“Fuck… I’m sorry.” Vax sniffed, rubbing his eyes. “I’m so… I’m so tired, Vik… I know people are trying to give me space and to let me rest… but I can’t help but feel like everyone has moved on from me… even Ker and Judy don’t feel like they need me anymore… and you and Mama Welles got your own shit goin’ on-“

“Me and Guadalupe have been worried sick about you. So don’t you start pulling that shit onto me… No one has moved on from you. You spend too much time in your own head, you always have.” Vik sighed. Vax had been horrible for getting in his own head, Vik never could get him to stop. “You been talking to your therapist? And taking your meds?”

Vax nodded, and yet Vik didn’t believe him.

“My keeper isn’t letting me forget. Don’t worry.” Vax mumbled, his hands falling into his lap in defeat. Vik had no clue what to do to make this better… he didn’t read any parenting books on how to make your adult kid feel better after dying three times.

The two sat in silence after, sometimes you just needed quiet with a safe person to feel less alone. Until Vax rested his head on Vik’s shoulder.

“Thanks pops…”

Vik wrapped his arm around his son and rubbed his shoulder.

“Anytime kiddo…”

[hawkeyeslaughter]

it seems like you might've answered most of the mash asks, but on the off chance you haven't, or you have more to say about one of the ones you already answered: 26

im about to be so annoying and answer more than one 🥱🥱 suffer the consequences to your actions majorbaby

24 . what’s your favorite prank and why ?

— the one in ‘ as you were ‘ where trapper and hawkeye put frank in a crate and then don’t tell him that’s what they did 😭😭 i think about it so often . also their completely straight faces while frank is yelling and later when frank is like “ i could’ve suffocated “ and hawkeye goes something like “ not really frank … we put air holes … and lettuce , and a carrot … newspaper in case you had an accident … “ like lmaodjdkdn that always takes me out

21 . what episode do you put on for a good cry ?

— ‘ the nurses ‘ ,, “ she may have come into the world backwards , but she landed on her feet “ and “ i don’t know why i’m crying , it’s just life “ always get me

25 . what’s the first episode you remember seeing ? if you can’t remember , episode you’ve seen the most times ?

— ‘ major fred c . dobbs ‘ is the episode i vividly remember watching in my old house with my dad , i actually remember the exact scene of them dropping the “ gold “ on the floor while frank was asleep … i don’t know if its the first one i ever watched , but its the first one i remember seeing . contrarily the one i’ve seen the most times is ‘ to market , to market ‘ . i can quote the whole damn thing backwards and forwards .

7 . which character would you be most likely to hang out with ?

— i’m an extrovert and i also find a lot of things funny , so probably hawk . my runner - ups are probably henry and then ( post - development ) margaret

[itlivesproject]

here is the abel simp anon ILW FINALE thought dump (part 2! covers from when we play as devon until as we play as rowan)

2 months later? damn

NOW PLAYING AS DEVON??????? I HAD TO PUT THE GAME DOWN JUST TO GASP

….the memorial? oh dear grab the tissues

WE SAVED EVERY POSSIBLE SURVIVOR LET’S GO

connor is back and i am just as in love with him as ever

“Besides, you know how great a couple she and Abel make. I'm sure they're both doing great together.” i think i actually just squeaked

YOU CAN’T REMIND ME OF MAYOR GREEN.. AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO HER ???

and janie :(

loha… she deserved so much better :(

and finally, jessica, the start of it all (whose cg remains to be one of the best things i’ve ever seen in my life)

lincoln giving ratty matty’s money to a nonprofit for DA, that’s our guy!!!!!

i think lincoln aquino is a beautiful name! much better than the ties to the mcquoid name, i’m happy for him<3

amalia and jocelyn being besties? impeccable friendship

AND THE CURE IS WORKING! I’M SO HAPPY FOR THEM ALL

and amalia’s school record are fixed ??? THAT’S MY GIRL!!! SHE’S GONNA BE THE BEST LAWYER THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN

ELLIOT AND ROBBIE!!!!

harper and tom being the cutest for 1 minute straight

omg devon and harper having a handshake?? besties confirmed

CONNOR AND NOAH MY LOVES

someone pay for connor’s therapy PLEASE he will need bucket-loads of it at this point

THE COPS DROPPED NOAH’S INVESTIGATION?? MY BOY!! HE IS FREE!!!

“you know you can stay here for as long as you need” CONNOR AND NOAH ARE BEST FRIENDS CANONICALLY BECAUSE I SAY SO

noah’s mother hate club ‼️

sunny and luis deserve every happiness this world has to offer

ava thinking that being possessed was cool is so on brand😭

“Also, you need therapy.” dan keepin things real

the green siblings have my whole heart

CONNOR DIRTY THIRTY???????????? this is truly the best possible ending.

new music track????

“I love you when you're teasing me, I love you when we fight. love you when you're covered in blood or monster guts.” “Connor tells you these words every morning when you wake up, and every night when he goes to bed, but somehow, it always manages to feel like it's the first time he's said them.” he is the only man to ever exist. (alongside abel of course)

also connor, strong disagree with the chocolate in the fridge thing

STOP IT !???? PROPOSAL ???!?????? I STOOD UP. I WAS SAT DOWN AND I HAD TO STAND UP.

YES. HELL YES. MARRIAGE?!!

“Come on, sweetheart. Marry me?” WELL HOW THE HELL DO I SAY NO TO THAT???

i am grinning like a FOOL

“Your heart lifts to your throat as you examine the ring. It's so detailed, so personal. Leaves, like the forest around you, the forest you fell in love in. Your initials carved into the bottom. A diamond like you've always wanted.” i think i just died and went to heaven. HE IS THE CUTEST MAN EVER STOP IT

AND HE MADE IT HIMSELF? why don’t men like him actually exist.

i am now sat back down but i will stand back up if i need to. that is a threat.

THERES MORE?

“It's a house. With a yard for a dog, and enough rooms for guests and offices, and an address that doesn't confuse delivery drivers. It looks happy. And it's ours, if you want it.” the only reason i am not crying rn is because i am positively overwhelmed

i could literally quote all of his dialogue because it is all so incredible but i’m going to stop because this is long enough as it is😭

“God, you're so put together and capable. It's hot.” devon keeping it real

“Sweetheart, I love you, but all my lines work on you.” i said i would stop quoting connor and i lied, i just love him so much

“It’s no wonder there are deep grooves in the paint” YOU DIDN’T

for the one and only connor dirty thirty…. you guys nailed it (😏) also fun fact, if you remember getting as ask right at the very start of the project asking if connor green was in it and if we could bang him… that was me😳

“He wraps his arms around you, and it feels like coming home” ok it’s like you’re TRYING to get me to tear up now

(continued in part 3!)

-abel simp anon🤍

PART TWO

[m1ckeyb3rry]

HAHAHAH imagine the first chapter of pursuit starts with “I wanna be the very best that no one ever was, to rizz then is my real test, to date them is my causeeeee” LMFAOO

LMAOO you forgetting but you also being the one to make his team sends me (i would so do this) ASH AND CHARIZARD I love that dynamic that would be so funny imagine it’s just lazy on lazy hate crimes like “no bitch you move and do it” “no im sleeping”

Even before remembering the setting I thought Charles matched the YIPPEE vibe well LOL WAIT RINS IS FUNNY HAHSAHAHAH “yippee.” NAGIS EGO LEAVING HIM LIKE HIS SOUL IS ASCENDING TO ANOTHER PLANE HE LOOKED ETHEREAL

LMAOOO Karasu has beef with her now yes whenever you have doodles do show!! Obv no pressure to make any LOL I just love seeing the crumbs

Wait lowk Barou yayoi spinoff this angst…/hj barous and karasus>>> on that note I had to remember that reader doesn’t inherit the Barou last name because when I looked at the funeral graphic I was like wait do we need to distinguish which one and then I remembered the whole cousin thing and also how cousins don’t always share the same last name but anyways NOOOSHSJS IM CRYING JN MY FEELS “my ex sending my brother the love he could never give me” goodbye (lowk the move from romantic to platonic love makes this even deeper bruh I wasn’t planning on sobbing rn)

DAYCARE WORKWR KARASU WAITTTT esp if his talonflsme has flame body (if I get pokemon teams wrong do correct me because I think the team listing got buried somewhere and I have bad memory as we’ve established) lowk I like this idea too it’s like he’s proving himself to yayoi but not limiting himself to just the gym leader like breaking the mold yk…..just makes him more extraordinary (in his terms LMAO) like proving himself without needing to be gym leader…..im ngl I jumped to far and read “he cooks eggs” and I was like he does WHAT but anyways

OH LMFAOAO I somehow thought there was a specific meme so I looked it up to no avail but REAL and LMAOOOO DOOFENSHMIRTZ(spelling??? Idk man)

HAHAH no it’s ok they can take the slander (i always find it really funny how even Nagi himself is like this shorty…in ref to Isagi HAHA and ig by implication Reo since he doesn’t really disagree when Nagi calls Isagi that) THE BIG HANDS imagine they do that thing where you measure hand sizes oh god but also one slap from them and you’re stepping into your grave LMFAO (they would never but ykwim)

STOP MIRAVERSE MUKTIVERSE (im abbreviating this to MVMV/MMV) actually goes too hard it all fits too well within the pokemon au SHSHSH white butterfly Hiori and reader him waiting at the safari zone in the house she described raising the pokemon she listed from her childhood dreams bye…now instead of white butterflies white butterfree/beautifly (I can’t lie im a beautifly enthusiast so id pick that over butterfree but wtv floats your boast yk just needs to be a butterfly)

IM GONNA SHIT MYSELF THE TABIEITA ONE IS TOO FUNNY but IVE SEEN THE SAE ONE LMAOAOA finally accurate rep of him omg wait I’m gonna go stalk this artist more I didn’t realize they drew tabieita

LMAOO me rn thinking I’ve said one too many LMAOs and tossing in LOL and HAHAHA (I lowk hate hahaha because it HAS to be in caps or else it looks passive aggressive unless I do like four “ha”s or more but that looks excessive ughhhhhh) in too deep we’re entering my LMAO keyboard smash zone now (I’ve sometimes sandwiched sentences with LMAO too) but enough about my LMAOs

LMFAOAOOOOOOOOO IM DEADDDDD imagine we’ve been talking about peregrine this entire time and I’m just like “WOW she knows all the details about the whole plot does she know the author??” Isagis life is too boring he needs angst to spice it up fr wait I love how Isagi kinda projects Barou into reader and struggles with his loss/disappearance you made him like 10x more interesting in like two seconds damn….QHESTIONING IF THE WRONG ONE GOT TO LIVE omg that goes HARD I love complex feelings like this go off!!! Barou’s death fr doing numbers on everyone like talk about catastrophe of a lifetime (wait side note but this almost kinda parallels MLP and how the mane six get their cutie marks like one event tied them together forever and ig in this case it’s Barou’s death?? SHSHSHS don’t ask me why I made this connection)

Karasu bfb about to be the household Karasu fic trust but no fr there’s no way I’d be able to tell from reading the request prompted fics like if we weren’t talking I would’ve just thought you liked a bunch of characters LMAOO

WAIT WHAT I HAVENT STUDJED YET I paused writing this and scrambled to check ok thank god it’s not up quite yet I need to type faster omfg but RAGGHHH POKEMON THEME LETS GOOO wait on that note would you prefer to write something for a fav or not or are there any characters you aren’t as inclined to write for atm because if so I’ll keep it in mind while deciding because I’m indecisive so (imagine I say Isagi /j I wouldn’t prefer that anyways) good thing I’m in my chronically online hours rn and saw this

- KARASU ANON that wasn’t supposed to be all caps but I’m too lazy to fix it now oops

HELPPPP THE NOT THE THEME SONG (AIKU'S VERSION) SDLKFJHSLDKJ i'm crying omg there needs to be an aiku spinoff that's just him and his arbok spreading rizz and pokémon knowledge HAHAHA

LMAOO besides arcanine whimsicott and reuniclus i feel like nagi's team is kinda irrelevant in terms of our discussions...goodra does get mentions every now and again plus it's SO nagi that i remember that one but rip clefable and snorlax forever second place HAHA that's the exact vibe i was imagining or like reader throws out her gyarados in a battle so nagi whips out snorlax for some reason and snorlax is just sleeping meanwhile nagi's like "BRO IT'S Y/N WE HAVE TO LOCK IN" but snorlax does NOT gaf FKLJHKLSF

all of the foreign/professional players knowing one another is so fun tbh reader in that au definitely would team up with charles to bully kaiser when they play bm so he def fits!! or imagine rin has to get internet culture lessons from shidou and charles so he can keep up with reader's references but he's so unenthusiastic about it so he brings zero energy to the table (his first choice in tutors was karasu but he can't ask karasu for help because karasu's his biggest opp since reader likes him/is friends with him)

KARASU HAS INSANE BEEF WITH EVERYONE IN THE CORE FOUR i actually can't decide why he'd have beef with tullia because she's...not unproblematic necessarily but too focused on bullying otoya to do anything to karasu HAHAH maybe he has beef with her because she beat him in a battle when they first met (four baby birds vs a fully grown lanturn is not a great combo) and he never gets over it (it's mostly like a joke grudge he holds ofc but he would be the one)

no because i've been thinking about barou x yayoi (baroi?? shoyoi?? i'd say barasu but that could get confusing as a ship name because of tabito)...they kind of give mrs l/n x toji vibes from pomegranate ink but opposite!! okay but yk how we have reader and co and it's reader + tullia + karasu + otoya well imagine barou's group was himself, yayoi (who had to do on field training before her parents gave her the gym), isagi, and then aiku occasionally dropping in (aiku serving more of a manshine trio vibe than anything tbh) KLSJFDS the angst there goes INSANE okay wait lowkey isagi and yayoi reunion could go crazy maybe they haven't spoken since barou left because they don't know what to say to each other and isagi's avoiding her because barou told him about his illness but not yayoi and the guilt of that is crushing to isagi (love triangle dare i say?? yayosagi canon because barou's gone??????)

yess he has a talonflame w flame body that's actually where i got the idea of him and the birds looking after (NOT cooking) the eggs!! honestly i think it would be cute too like after beating yayoi and getting her badge as well as being at reader's side when she takes down team x he realizes he doesn't NEED to prove anything to anyone ykwim?? like as long as he's happy it's okay if people consider his existence "mediocre" (because i'm sure people would find it crazy that he goes to be a daycare worker/owner when he could very easily be a league official) because nothing lese really matters...character growth/development we love to see it

HAHAH no there's no specific meme unfortunately but the doofenshmirtz cracked me up so ofc i had to share (lowkey i can imagine otoya in that fit SDJFHSDL)

no because reo calls bachira a banged freak those two are BOTH evil reo is just more outwardly nice so nobody knows what insults he has brewing in him LMAOOO omg isagi is like one of the shortest in bllk besides kurona and kiyora so ig calling him shorty isn't necessarily off the mark (chigiri's a little taller than him but that one low quality panel of the manshine trio where chigiri looks tiny next to reo and nagi cracks me up HAHA)...nah because if i ever got to compare hand sizes with karasu or barou i would BUST i feel like barou wouldn't even understand what it so he's just like "uh ok" if you ask but you KNOW karasu is 100% aware of it he'd be so smug too LMAOOO once again in the words of isagi "this guy...is a villain!" or wtvr he said

MIRAVERSE MULTIVERSE IS REAL wait kalos doesn't have beautifly (they have butterfree) imagine the beautifly when they were kids was just one of yayoi's many gym pokémon that happened to be out and about BUT once he gets the safari zone hiori puts in a special request to have beautifly placed there because of that specific meeting SLDFKJD too many possibilities fr

THE SAE ONE HAD ME CACKLING THE WAY HE PASSES CHIGIRI TOO truly the sae the world needs...the tabieita one was so silly but so them HAHA sadly i am typing this from my laptop (hence the zero emojis too) so no tik tok this time around but next time trust i will lock in (call me nagi battling reader fr) and send smth!!

PLS i always throw in either an LMAOO or a HAHAH or a key smash to break up my trains of thought or the classic...or the !! and ?? because i feel like normal punctuation makes it feel sm more formal like a business professional email or smth when we're literally just besties giggling and chatting yk

I'M CRYING THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT i was like didn't i show you the drafts of earlier chapters did you think i just pulled those out of my ass??? haven't you seen my masterlist before?? but anyways i get what you were saying now HAHA

no because i have this vivid vision of isagi snapping and going full on-field on reader and she gets upset/starts crying (bonus points if karasu pulls up to comfort her #notthestepbrotherbutthebrotherthatsteppedup) and he immediately feels so bad that he starts apologizing but he just knows barou wouldn't have lost his temper in that situation (barou especially pursuit barou strikes me as someone who gets irritated super quickly but rarely if ever GENUINELY angry) and he already has a complex because he could never beat noel noa hence why he's an elite four candidate whereas barou was supposed to be the next champion so he's basically isagi but better (throw in some yayoi picking barou over him [not that isagi ever confessed he just assumed yayoi would want barou so he didn't say anything and surprise she ended up going for barou]) and yet isagi's the one who's left and barou's gone

PLS not the main six that's literally reader and co + manshine trio (otoya is spike the dragon) truly though barou's death/disappearance leads to so so much happening like it's insane how that one event changed the entire government...mr mikage and the government would've gotten away with their nonsense for much longer if barou literally just didn't leave for his journey or told his family he was ill and came home for his final days SLKDFJLSH ofc they still would've been exposed by the mutiny plot that the gym leaders and elite four members made but considering that plan wasn't meant to be executed for a WHILE who knows if it actually would've been effective or if they would've just murked noel noa and threatened the others into submission

KARASU BFB TAKE OVER REAL AND TRUE and okayy that's good HAHA sometimes i end up liking a character after i write for them too which is another can of worms (like kiyora i barely cared about him besides acknowledging that he was pretty pre-wicked game but now i fw him!! he's not a top top fav but he's cool)

LMAOO BRO YOU CAN'T STUDY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHICH TYPES ARE WHICH TROPE YET HAHAHAHA and no i don't really have a preference for any character!! whatever strikes your fancy...almost hoping someone requests isagi so i can redeem myself and actually write something long for him /hj...i'm limiting the slots to twelve (two full teams) this time because i want to have time to be able to write pursuit and the oaeu and the other requests i still have to do (EEK) but i have no idea who if anyone will actually join so don't stress too much about getting in on time i'll make sure you get a spot (imagine that one drake audio that's like "don't worry...daddy's home") just make sure to send the request in a separate ask so i can respond to it w just the story hehe...anyways i fell asleep instead of posting the completed event so i will be finishing up the post and getting it out now hopefully!!

[sydorax-squid]

The Whale Skin

Rumors about the horror had circulated in my little English seaside town for centuries. Tales of the Hollow Whale had terrified children for as long as my town stood. Old men often claimed to have seen the thing late at night, pale and glistening in the moonlight, the bumpy surface writhing with undead life. But I have truly seen it, seen it clearly, and the memory is a stain upon my life.

As my grandpa told it, the Hollow Whale came from a depth so dark and unknown that God himself couldn’t see the bottom. There the whale waits and feeds on little squirming dark things, lazily drifting through the blackness until it hears a certain cry; the cry of dying men. Grandma would always shush him around this part and grandpa would always tell her to mind herself, that I needed to know what lies below the bows of boats. Grandpa then told me that the Hollow Whale sang. It sang to other whales, heard the sad stories of what men did to them, heard their mourning. The Hollow Whale hates mankind and pursues us, devouring all those unlucky enough to find themselves in the open ocean at night without a boat.

But, my grandpa would say, sometimes the Hollow Whale would swallow whole boats, especially whaling ships. He said that when people disappear in the ocean, they were damned for all eternity to be a part of the Whale. At this point my grandma would tell him to stop filling my mind with scary notions of undead beings because then I’d never go to sleep. I was a notoriously grumpy morning person.

Those were just old stories, things people passed around the fire on cool autumn nights. The Hollow Whale was nothing but legend, old superstitions that migrated to the modern era. That’s what I always told myself, at least. My fear of the Hollow Whale diminished as I got older and spent more time out on the open ocean. I come from a long line of fishermen, so I’ve always been intrigued by, drawn to the sea. However, my inclination was more towards the scientific, so I endeavored to broaden my horizons. I couldn’t afford college, so I instead took up work as a deckhand for an oceanic scientific expedition in an attempt to learn and forge some connections in the community. My first dozen or so excursions proved exceedingly fruitful so I had no reason to feel trepidation for this most recent venture.

My captain, James Dalton, had welcomed a group of marine biologists from Maryland aboard for a three-day run out into the open ocean to study monkfish. Nothing too difficult, except for appeasing the Americans’ fickle palates.

The first day and night were met with failure, but at the beginning of the second day, the biologists deployed a device that they claimed would call the monkfish to us. Captain Dalton agreed but insisted that they turn the device off by sundown. I don’t know if they simply ignored my captain’s request or if the device was left on by fateful accident, but I know the devastation this action incurred.

I awoke just before dawn; excited conversation and hurried footsteps lured my weary body up to the main deck. The biologists were crowded around the side of the boat that had housed the siren device, chattering and pointing excitedly at something in the water. I shuffled over to find a squirming black mass of thousands of devil-fish, many much larger than any I had ever seen of the species in question. Some were upside-down, their circular mouths and inward-facing teeth glinting in the new light. I saw the siren device on the floor, dripping wet and freshly retrieved. Captain Dalton had seen it, too, and his surly face went pale.

An argument erupted between the biologists, but my eyes were on the captain. He was staring off at the ocean, just below the horizon. I turned to follow his gaze and I found what had captured his attention. There was a pale silhouette in the water, approaching our boat silently, swiftly. The enormity of the creature was startling; larger than any submarine I’d ever seen (and I’d seen a few). My blood turned to icy slush as the monstrosity neared, it’s girth filling the ocean as far as my eyes could perceive. I could hear the biologists talking, sounding disappointed that the monkfish had dispersed but also intrigued by the strange texture now below the water’s surface.

I stepped to the side and leaned my body over the railing of the boat. I cannot say just what possessed me to do so. Beneath the gently lapping waves I could see a terrible mass slowly drifting beneath us. I could see what appeared to be a kind of rocky terrain, knotted roots of stone eroded by nature to form crude and jagged canyons and pits and hills. The more I stared at it, the more the formation looked like human bodies carved into a cliff-face. For some reason the artist had chosen to depict their subjects in excruciating pain, mouths agape in silent screams of endless agony. My stomach churned at the frightening realism of the images I was seeing.

Captain Dalton touched my shoulder, pulling me away from torturous images my mind was projecting on the thing beneath the water. He whispered to me, so low that I could barely hear, “No matter what, don’t scream.” I nodded.

Then it surfaced. The monstrosity that had been loitering beneath us suddenly lurched up, hitting the bottom of the boat so hard it threw everyone down onto the deck. We all scrambled to our feet, biologists and seamen alike, and we each dashed to the railings to see what had happened.

I so often wish that I hadn’t looked.

I stared directly into the pale, undead face of a man, a human man, who stared back at me, his mouth agape in a silent, eternal scream. My eyes darted away only to be met by another human face arranged in a similar way, but a part of this man’s face was slipping—no, merging into whatever was below it. I tried to look away again but found that the ocean was gone, replaced with a hellish orgy of bloated, half-dead bodies, all fused together at some point or another but still separate enough to writhe and squirm in ceaseless pain. The bodies looked almost layered, as if more horrifying and grotesque souls dwelled beyond what our eyes could see. Here and there an arm clutched frantically at the air, a leg kicked aimlessly. The bodies were everywhere, seemingly stretched to the distant horizon. And the faces, the faces of the people! They begged for help, pleaded for release, cursed our autonomy and mourned our fates. Suddenly homeless fish flopped around on the surface of the flesh desert, helpless to return to their world. I think my fellow humans realized that they were as helpless as those fish because they began screaming. I very nearly joined them but a glance at my captain steadied my shattered nerves.

The moment the screaming started, the horror began to move, tilting itself to roll our boat and our people into the ocean, into it’s thousands of grasping hands. I held onto the railing for dear life, managing to sustain one rotation of the boat, but not another. I fell into the writhing mass of undead flesh, felt hands grasping and teeth gnashing as I tumbled, finally landing in the sweet embrace of the cool brine.

The saltwater stung my eyes and I felt a huge motion in the water around me, something akin to a tempestuous wave, tossing me further along towards sickness. I managed to surface for a moment, long enough to snatch a single breath before I was overtaken by the sea.

I looked around below the waves and saw a fresh angle on the nightmare that had beset me this day. I believe it to have been the front of the creature, though I am merely guessing. It was enormous, but triangle-shaped with a broad, flat top and then two sides that tapered down to a rounded point. The four fins were smaller than I would have suspected, more reminiscent of the paw-like fins of a seal. They appeared to be more for the use of steering than for paddling. The front of the creature was also tapered to a rounded point, however, much to my everlasting horror, that tip cracked open and split like the mouth of a snake; the bottom jaw widening and spreading open as if it were a blanket being unfolded by two uncoordinated people. This made the maw of the beast so large that it obscured almost the rest of it’s unfathomably enormous body! I nearly fainted right then if it weren’t for Captain Dalton pulling me above the water. We felt the rush of movement in the ocean, the waves throwing us clean past the capsized boat. When I opened my eyes below water again, I saw the beast from behind, observing a long, cetacean tail that ended in a shape reminiscent of a Spanish fan.

The creature turned as if to look at us, but I saw no eyes. Not the kind eyes of a whale, not the inquisitive eyes of a dolphin, not even the haunting eyes of a hungry shark. It hovered there, alone in a universe of horrors. Captain Dalton and I risked surfacing, breathing as quietly as possible. When we were submerged once again by the tide, it was there, right in our faces; the beast had caused the tide! It was all I could do to not scream as a group of familiar American faces stared back at me, open-mouthed and agonized.

I will admit, my bravery faltered, my mind seized up and shut down at the overwhelming fear. I have no recollection of what happened after; my memory returns on the rocky shores of an English beach, a hundred miles away from where I last remembered being.

I’ve never been so happy to see foggy hills and jagged cliffs. Poor Captain Dalton, he was found a few weeks later in Italy. He had washed up around the same time as me, but he didn’t speak any Italian so it took awhile for people to realize what was wrong with him. I asked him what happened once he finally came home and he claimed not to remember, either. But something in his eyes suggested that he remembered a terrible, unspeakable truth. I’ll honor my Captain and let him take that truth to the grave.

As for me, I said nothing of the Hollow Whale to the police or anyone else, instead insisting it was a terrible and sudden storm that swallowed our boat and the American biologists. I doubt my own sanity and I fear the truth as I perceive it may land me in an asylum. I cannot remain by the water’s edge; I must move away from home to escape the memory, even though in my heart, I know I’ll never forget the deep, unknowable horror I have glimpsed out there on the open ocean, lurking and listening beyond our sight.

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

was right I said Oppenheimer was gonna be Nolan 4th -5th best work and it is and tenet is never getting topped that’s for sure, that been said after seeing the movie first of all I was just playing Ariana what are you doing here game because for the first time ever Nolan really truly used American actors except with the exception of Emily and Cillian and idk is Kenneth American it goes back and forth in my brain but he’s to talented or actor to be American but then again he ain’t Cillian/will kinda range or talent, I guess it makes sense as it’s an American scientist whatever I know my guy Nolan loves a yt man but damn I think he truly hired every yt American actor in Hollywood I can confirm that this bc why was screaming seeing Josh from y’all know and trying to guess where I saw every actor from, also so glad people finally recognize how talented of actor RDJ is they think just cuz he’s done marvel he’s on evans level of no acting skills whatsoever also glad people see Matt Damon is great actor because I’ve been saying this since Jason Bourn movies and ofc good will hunting.

I think this is the first time Nolan never used an almost full British cast I know Americans and American actors would’ve been so mad if not only did lead go to an Irish actor but also if British actors got pivotal historic American figures.

I was really think where is the Nolan soundtrack I was missing that and the Nolan sound because untill maybe the first two explosions we ain’t get Nolan sound which was so weird to me a Nolan girl who’s always watched his movies in cinema not hearing loud as fcvk sounds effects etc this movie didn’t have that even tho it was literally movie about a b0’mb it probably gave us the Nolan epic sound maybe twice in the whole movie! Movie was kinda missing that Nolan vibe if only it wasn’t for the script actors cinematography and the acting I would’ve said this isn’t Nolan.

Now about the character what an manipulative frickle hypocrite bc wdym you spent billions and years on building this thing and was advanced by your fellow scientists the impact it would’ve have yet you ignored and pushed forward just to put on some fake cry face agenda after literally laughing about how you beat the Japanese I never wanted to slap Cillian face in my life except in this moment when he was putting on that defenceless puppy eyes please everyone I’m the world was treating him as god if he truly didn’t want it build or used again he could’ve stopped it and the whole time talking about it’s not my invention while literally shaking hands making speeches and being happy for the applause he was getting after the Japan attack’

god I hate yt men, and when he said give back the land to the natives as if he didn’t kick them out so we would think he’s good man oh he is so funny the hypocrisy of that man maybe that was the point to show us how truly American he is because that’s so American do something wrong for years then feel guilty about 5 years later be so fucvking for real and not him wanting forgiveness and thinking he would get it!

I love Nolan but his use of female characters never changes and his lack of poc black people even more i never once seen him have black female character and he only used JDW on tenet because he stood out to him from eveyone that auditioned and his many many complaints from people critics fans of his lack of poc black characters, hes my favorite director he’s been that since I was 12 years old when I watched memento for the first time and that made me love movies and him forever!

[mayssa-m]

Thing is that I’ve been genuinely satisfied with the decision I took, doing this commitment with music, I always look further and overall we’re four people I always kept seeing further than that cus i dont only look present wise it’s always “what’s next”, I thought we would be a group of friends seeing each other away from school reuniting doing something we like, and it’s especially people my age I’ve never had friends like that I was like this could be it these will be my friends and we could start off it being a passion to the result being something we didn’t expect as we had fun, our teacher is leaving, the group is separating, it genuinely breaks my heart that I’ve seen so much hope in this one, it’s only a matter of time to make everybody fw each other in the group, just being comfortable around each other, it’s normal, but damn man then I just look at it as God always has a plan but still it hurts cuz I see potential but then also look at it as “remember you’ve been working on yourself for so long, you had a dream you still have til now you’re getting distracted by the rest (even tho it’s in the same field), I’ll stick to my plan they’ll be running after me (not necessarily what I want it’s just to say they didn’t give me a chance like that or the group as a whole, not only them I’m talking anybody else that was never interested in me, but bro I look back and I remember school how I promised myself I’d do good and music too it’s just so hard to keep up with that when you see stuff actually happening in real life distracting you when in reality it’s not

Back to where I was tomorrow is the performance, the last time seeing our teacher meaning the last time the group being together as it’s apparently separating, bro writing this it’s so sad we’ll never be this young ever again it’s just like if you have anything you want to do just do it before it’s too late, it’s sad we’re seeing each other tomorrow for the last time it has been a great journey but you know what would save the situation as I expected a new teacher and the group of four remaining together that’s all I want and if not then there’s a whole new chapter behind this, God has always a better plan for you that’s why I trust the process before crying about it, though if there’s no new teacher idk what to say man, somebody whos changing said he was going to this other place but i don’t wanna seem like I’m following him or anything, but at the same time I don’t even wanna think that way in the first place, I heard about another place from him, if it’s good then ill go, i dont wanna overthink everything, well really see by the end of tomorrow I’m really nervous

I just hung out with some people my age, it hits different to have some company really I’m just still getting used to communicating with people

I’m awkward and I’m aware it’s a self confidence thing it’s a me problem and I’ll solve it it’s not because of you

[greengoblinswifey]

hi love, i am in lovee with your writing. could you d0o a sub eddie x single mother reader, her husband died and she hasnt been with anyone til eddie. kinda age gap

well, this is gonna be long. I put my whole kaylaussy into it.

Eddie Munson x Milf!Reader

Warnings: Age gap(reader is 41, Eddie is 21) Sub!Eddie, Breeding kink, oral(m), cum eating, unprotected sex, creampie, mommy kink, praise kink, cock warming, fluff.

“God, your cooking tastes like Heaven Mrs. Y/L/N,” Eddie praised.

“I told you Eddie, call me by my maiden name or just Y/N and thank you,” you chuckled.

Eddie smiled and finished eating the rice and sushi you prepared. He decided not to go to college and scored a well paying job at the local video store so you decided to treat him. He was a nice boy, extra nice and flirty with you. You tried to tell yourself that’s just how he was and you were old enough to be his mother but fuck.

You hadn’t felt this way in a long time. Not since your husband passed. 

“Be right back,” you said, snapping out of your thoughts to the sound of your daughter crying upstairs then your son following after.

“No no, you pay me to take care of them sometimes, you rest, I’ll go deal with it,” Eddie interrupted, standing up from the table.

“Are you sure?” 

His eyes flickered down to your pouty lips then back to your eyes, “yeah, it’s fine Y/N.”

Your name rolled off his tongue so sweetly.

You smiled at him as he ran upstairs to tend to your children. While he did so, you cleared the table and threw away what you couldn’t finish. You placed the dishes and utensils in the sink and started washing.

“Here, I’ll help,” Eddie offered. You didn’t protest, you allowed him to dry the dishes and pack them away. Your hands brushed multiple times and the sheer sexual tension could be cut with a knife.

“Uh, are they asleep?” you asked.

“They are, we can have some alone time,” he smiled.

You laughed in response, thinking he was joking like he always was but he knew he was dead serious.

You sat on the couch while he placed one of his Ozzy cassettes in the cassette player. As he sat beside you, you saw his hardness. He was always at least half hard when he was around you.

“You know, I always tell my friends you’re my dream woman,” he whispered.

“Eddie, I’m twenty years older than you. There are many pretty girls your age you could get,” you chuckled, almost sounding sad.

He cupped your cheek gently, testing the waters before you melted into his touch. “I don’t care about pretty girls my age. Ever since I saw you, you were the girl I wanted. Give me a chance Y/N, the age gap be damned,” he pleaded, his brown eyes sparking, “I have a job, I can take care of you, take care of the kids. You know I sell on the side too, that can help. We can even have more kids when you’re ready. I’d do anything for you Y/N, I want this life with you.”

By now you were fighting tears. You never thought you would feel like this again but Eddie, he was something else. The age gap be damned.

You thought for a while then nodded happily and soon, he was pulling you on top of him in a lust filled kissed.  

"Mommy," he whimpered softly, making you moan into the kiss. He had one hand on your hip, making you grind on his bulge while the other cupped your cheek.

"Take me upstairs," you panted.

He almost knocked over a few of your family portraits as he took you upstairs to your room, your lips still on his.

“Get on the bed, let mommy make you feel good,” you demanded.

He eagerly obeyed, putting you down and sitting on the bed in anticipation. With your doe eyes on his, you unbuckled his pants and pulled it and his boxers down in one swift motion. He had the prettiest cock you had ever seen and after not having sex for over a year, you desperately needed him inside you. But you were focusing on his pleasure first.

Your soft hands took ahold of his cock gently, stroking it as he sucked in a breath.

“So responsive and I’ve barely touched you,” you whispered. 

You gave the leaking tip a kiss before swirling your tongue around it and collecting the precum. You spat it back on the tip then took all of him into your mouth. 

“Mommy, oh fuck, feels like fucking Heaven,” he managed to say as you took him down your throat. He wasn’t sure where he was, or if what he was experiencing was real, all he knew was that he was loving every second of it. If your mouth felt that good, imagine your pussy.

He tried his best to contain his moans, remembering your children were right down the hall.

“If you keep taking me like that, I’m gonna cum fast,” he moaned. That’s exactly what you wanted.

You sucked enough dicks to be able to take all of him in your mouth and down your throat while your hands massaged his balls. You sucked the sides then licked from the base, all the way to the tip leaking with more precum then taking his dick back into your throat.

“M-mommy, shit, I’m gonna cum. Where do you want it?” he whimpered.

You took him out of your mouth with a dramatic pop and a trail of spit following, “in my mouth.”

He held your head down and bucked his hips before letting his warm seed spurt into your mouth. He always thought you were beautiful but with a mouthful of his cum, you were an angel. And you swallowed too. An absolute goddess.

“Thank you mommy,” he panted, collapsing onto the bed.

You tossed your now wet and ruined panties aside and hovered over his hard length, your knees on either side of him. You hiked your red dress up and slowly sank down on him, both of you gasping at the new feeling.

“You’re so fucking wet mommy. You feel so good,” Eddie moaned, tears slipping down his cheeks.

“Mm, you’re so big,” you praised, allowing yourself to adjust before bouncing.

He sat up and thrusted up into you before pulling your dress down to reveal your breasts and sucking on them.

“I can’t fucking wait until they’re full of milk. Gonna suck them whenever you’re full,” he panted.

“Well, make it happen,” you said.

“W-what do you mean?”

“I mean, fuck your babies into me so my breasts can be full of milk again. Get me pregnant Eddie,” you begged.

“Fucking hell, you can’t say shit like that mommy.”

“I mean it. Fill me up Eddie. Fuck your babies into me.”

He gripped your hips bruisingly as you rode his cock and spelt your name. His eyes rolled all the way back into his head and he moaned out feeling your walls clench and pulsate around him, He’d never felt anything like it before. He’d never felt anything better.

“Oh God baby, mommy’s gonna cum, Take me there, make me cum,” 

He lifted you up and placed you on your back, his cock not leaving you. He began pounding into you, both his hands on your hips as he brought you over the edge. 

“Good boy, good job, you’re so good to me,” you moaned, as sweet release washed over you and your back arched off the bed.

He pushed your legs back to your chest, chasing his own orgasm as he fucked into you. 

“C’mon sweet boy. Cum for me, cum for your mommy. Fill me up with your babies. Fuck your babies into me. Make me a mommy again,” you cried. 

Your words brought him over the edge and you moaned in satisfaction as his warm cum filled your pussy up and slowly began to leak out of you. 

“Keep your cock inside me all night. Don’t let any of it go to waste,” you said.

He laid on the bed and pulled you on top of him, slipping his cock inside you and holding you tight. He kissed all over your exposed skin, giving you the love you never thought you would experience again.

“I can’t wait to raise these babies with you, to start this life with you. Fuck, I can’t believe you’re mine.”

[illicitlimerence-writes]

see you later | m. schumacher

pairing: mick schumacher x reader word count: 7.4k words (i warned you) request: yes/no, by anons: "hi! I don’t know if you’re currently taking requests but would you mind writing for mick schumacher? i really enjoy your work, considering you’re one of the few that write for him and you’re really good “i haven’t seen (her/him/them) smile in months.” is the prompt." & "hey abigail, do you write for mick and lando? would you mind using this prompt, “what am i in your life? because as of lately i feel as though i’ve been nothing to you.” from the angst list but with a happy ending?" & "heyyy i love your writing sm can i maybe request something??? maybe a fic with lando or mick based on the song see you later by jenna raine!! i want to cry omg thank u ilysm" literally so sorry this took so long. i hope you all like this<;3 prompt: letter y: you. from this christmas alphabet prompt list. fluff #21: "i haven't seen (her/him/them) smile in months". angst #44: "what am i in your life? because as of lately i feel as though i've been nothing to you" from this prompt list warnings: language, time jumps. i know this is a mess of inconsistencies, but that's how heartbreak is. it makes you take stupid choices, cling to whatever small hope you can get. i hope you like this. a/n: day twenty-five!!!! i highly encourage all of you to read this while listening to 'see you later' by jenna raine, and ''tis the damn season' by our queen taylor swift, on repeat until you finish reading this. i promise it will hurt, and make sense even more.

my masterlist / christmas alphabet masterlist

the snow clings to her hair, slowly melting and dampening her soft strands. she shoves her hands in the pockets of her coat, huffing as she watches the lights in the main square, her breath coming out in a cloud of smoke.

she looks around at the small town she used to call home, it holds so many memories, some of the greatest, the happiest… and the ones she wishes she could forget. for some reason, though, those were the ones she seemed to think about the most.

growing up in a small town was both a blessing and a curse. she knew that if she ever needed anything, the town of eroda would always be there for her. they knew her since birth, and she felt extremely lucky to have so many people by her side. they’d been there for her when her parents passed away in a car crash, and they all helped raise her, however they could.

on the flip side, since she always carried the people from her hometown in her heart and mind, that meant he was also part of that privileged group of people. and no matter how much she wanted to erase him from her mind, she couldn’t.

everywhere she looked, there he was. a rising star in motor racing, following his father’s footsteps. her annual visits to eroda were always accompanied by whispers of his name. since the racing season ended just before the holidays, his name was always plastered on the front page of the local newspaper.

“local hero, mick schumacher, represents eroda in international formula 3 championship - wins 2018 championship.”

“you don’t want to look away, mick schumacher to move to the big leagues, joins formula one team. the schumacher name is back where it belongs.”

yeah, she remembered each headline like the back of her hand. it used to be her in charge of coming up with those flashy titles, once. of course, she was biased.

he used to be her everything. middle school sweethearts, high school sweethearts.

you couldn’t spot one without the other nearby. they were always holding hands, his arm around her shoulders protectively. the whole town was rooting for them. until he reached a crossroad, he had a choice to make.

his career slowly became his first priority. he began canceling dates, arriving late to her important events. she understood, of course she did. but it began bothering her when it started happening more often than not.

“what am i in your life? because as of lately i feel as though i’ve been nothing to you.” she turned her back on him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“nothing? you are my everything!” he chased after her, stretching his arm, touching her shoulder.

“really? because it doesn’t feel like it. you keep canceling plans, i had to wait four hours for you to show up to our anniversary dinner. do you know how stupid i felt!? with everyone throwing me those pity glances.” she stopped walking, taking a step back when she almost collided against his chest. his hands immediately wrapped around her middle, pulling her back to him. “let me go,” she removed his hands from her body.

“i don’t know what you want me to say! i need to start thinking about my future, i have a chance to leave this place!” he motioned to the buildings around them, all decorated with flashy christmas lights.

“y-you want… you want to leave?” she whispered, eyebrows furrowed as he placed his hands on his face for a second.

“that’s not what i meant, i… there’s a whole world waiting out there. i don’t want to stay here and think about what could’ve been. i want to take chances, fight for what i want. what would be my future if i stayed here? work for my dad in his workshop?”

she stared at him, a frown on her face as she felt her eyes tearing up. she didn’t speak, she knew he wasn’t finished yet.

“this is what i’ve been working for my whole life. i can’t let it all go to waste. i have a once in a lifetime opportunity. i can’t let it go.”

“and what about me?” she said, her voice coming out louder, calmer than she had hoped. no turning back now. “what about what i want? what about my plans, our plans? does that mean nothing to you, as well?” she raised her eyebrows. he didn’t say anything, just scratched his forehead in an attempt to conceal his anxiety. “where do i fit in in this plan of yours? or was i just something for you to pass the time?”

mick shook his head, eyes never leaving hers. she could see the hurt in his blue orbs.

“i don’t want…” she said after minutes of silence, in which she thought about how he had every right to put his future ahead of everything else. she knew that if she had the chance, even the smallest one, to have the opportunities that he did, she’d take them without thinking twice. she removed her beanie from her head. “i don’t want to force you into something you don’t want to do. if you want to leave, i… i can’t say i’m fine with that. but i also know that… if you stay, if you give everything up… eventually, you’ll hate me for it.”

“i could never hate you,” he said, and she noticed how he never contradicted her other statements. somehow, that only made her feel worse. “you’re the most important thing in my life,”

“that’s not true,” her lips curled up in an ironic smile. “you have a bright future ahead of you. don’t waste it.” she handed him her, no, his beanie. she flinched when their fingers made contact. it was weird, how his touch felt unfamiliar now that the realizations hit her. this was goodbye.

“(y/n)...” her name felt unfamiliar on his tongue, he always, always called her by a nickname. princess, angel, liebe.

“liebe? what does that mean?” the girl asked, frowning at the word in a foreign language. “i don’t know, it’s what my dad calls my mom after he makes her mad,” the boy shrugged his shoulders. “oh. maybe it’s ‘i’m sorry’?” she looked at him, the boy shook his head. “no, that’s another word. maybe it means-” “look! there’s gina! we can ask her,” the girl interrupted him, she pointed to the boy’s older sister, who was walking out of a coffee shop. they both stood up and ran to her. “gina, gina.” mick called for his sister, she turned and waited until both pre-teens stood in front of her, catching their breaths. “what’s up?” she asked, sipping from her paper cup. “do you know what liebe means?” the girl asked, probably butchering the pronunciation. the older girl almost choked on her drink. “what?” “liebe,” mick repeated. “where did you hear that?” she asked, eyes darting between the two friends. “from dad. he broke mom’s favorite vase and tried to calm her down by kissing her. it was pretty gross but then he started calling her that,” mick explained. gina laughed as both kids pretended to hurl. “it means love,” the older girl said. “like in ‘i love you’?” mick asked. “no, more like… when you call someone ‘my love’, in german it’s ‘mein liebe’,” she clarified. hours later, both kids had moved on from the new word they’d learned that day and were sitting on a bench by the main square, where they had a perfect view of everything going on around them. “(y/n/n)...” mick called, and the girl turned to him. “what?” “h-how would you feel if… if i…” “if you what?” she asked, turning to him. patience wasn’t exactly one of her virtues. “how would you feel if i… called you liebe?” he asked, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. “why would you call me that?” she frowned. he remained quiet, looking at the snow covering the ground. “do you-” “i think i love you,” he interrupted. watching her eyes widening in surprise. “oh,” she said, staring at him. “i should go, i’m sorry,” he shook his head, standing up. as the night rolled around, mick wasn’t his usual cheerful self, and it didn’t go unnoticed by his parents. as mick was setting up the table for dinner, his father walked in with the plates and silverware. “everything okay, champ?” mick looked up at his father, nodding his head. “you sure? i don’t think the house has been this quiet since before you two were born,” mick gave his father a small smile. the doorbell saved him from an awkward conversation. “i’ll go!” he rushed out of the dining room, and as he opened the front door, he wished he’d never left it. “wh-what are you doing here?” mick asked, looking at the girl in front of him. “why… how… why do you think you love me? how do you know it’s love?” she asked. “i don’t know… i just do.” “but… how?” feelings were confusing, especially for a twelve year old. “i-i guess… whenever something happens, good or bad, you’re the first person i want to talk to. when i wake up i- i count the minutes until i can see you.” “i do that, too,” she confessed. “oh.” “i think i love you, too.” “oh.” “is that all you have to say?” she frowned. “oh! i- no, i- that’s… good?” it sounded more like a question than a statement, which only confused her even more. “i don’t know,” she shrugged her shoulder. “mick! who is it?” his father called for him. “it’s (y/n)! hold on,” mick answered, taking a few steps forward, closing the door behind him. now, they were both standing outside, staring at each other with wide eyes and warm cheeks. “you’re blushing,” she pointed out. mick covered his cheeks with his hands. “no, i’m not,” he shook his head. “yes, you are. you’re blushing because i told you that i love you,” she blurted out, breath hitching as she realized what she’d said. “i’m okay with it,” she said after seconds of silence. “what?” he asked. “i’m okay with… you… calling me that,” she looked up at the sky. “liebe?” he said, and she felt her heart speed up at the word. she nodded, shyly. “yeah. if you want to.” “okay. we’ll be so cool. no one else at school will know what it means, only us.” “only us,”

she nodded. she looked to her right, noticing the lights on the front porch of her house blinking twice. time to come home. “i have to go,” “oh, okay.” “i’ll see you tomorrow,” she said. “okay. good night, mein liebe,” mick tried the foreign words. “that’ll take a while to get used to,” “i- i can call you something else if you want-” “no, i like it. i like you,” she confessed. she watched the lights blinking again. she turned toward mick, who was left speechless. standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips against his cheek for two seconds. before jumping down the two steps leading to his porch, and running home.

“that’ll take a while to get used to,” she said the words she told him many, many years ago, when their relationship first started. it was sort of poetic, how those words came back to her now that it was ending.

“i-i don’t want things to end like this. i-”

“i’ll be fine,” she smiled, even though she felt like dying on the inside. “maybe… maybe this is not goodbye. i mean, there’s only like, what? five thousand people in this town? our paths will cross again at some point.”

“but it won’t be the same,” he said. she nodded, taking in what he’d just said.

“it won’t. perhaps we… we’re just not meant to be. not right now, at least,” she knew she was hurting herself by holding on to a small sliver of hope.

“if this isn’t goodbye, then it’s-”

“a see you later,” she finished, nodding her head. “so, i guess i… i’ll see you later.” she started walking backward. “you go, be the superstar you were born to be. i’ll be here.”

“i’ll come back for you,” he assured her. she gave him a small smile.

“i’m sure you will,” no he won’t, her thoughts betrayed her.

“i will. even if it takes me five, ten years. i will come back for you. i promise”

“okay,” she whispered, and now that she was far enough, she turned her back on him, letting the tears fall from her eyes.

love isn’t supposed to hurt this much at sixteen.

she brings herself out of her thoughts, before it gets too real. it had been hard on her. she was used to being by his side twenty-four/seven. and suddenly, he wasn’t there anymore. since that night, the colors turned a dull gray, the town that used to bring her such comfort, a sense of security that she desperately needed, suddenly felt like being trapped inside a glass box, she needed to escape.

she reaches her childhood home, even after all these years, she never had the heart, the courage, to sell it. she’d been advised by a lot of people that in order to really move on, she had to let go of everything holding her back.

but how could she get rid of something so important to her? this was her home. no matter how many new cities she visited, the new york skyscrapers, the lights in paris, the history of london, the beaches in l.a., nothing could ever compare to the warm feeling that lived in this house. if she closes her eyes, she swears she can still smell the butter cookies her mother used to bake. she can still hear her father playing catchy tunes on the piano. she can still feel mick’s arm around her shoulders as they watched a movie.

dwelling on the past can be a very dangerous thing, she reminds herself as she turns on the lights, dropping her keys in the bowl that sits on top of a small table next to the door.

she sighs as she drops her bags in her bedroom. she never moved any of her stuff to her parents’ room, it felt weird. so, now, as a twenty-four year old, she has to find a way to sleep comfortably on her old twin-sized bed.

she doesn’t bother in taking out her clothes, instead checks the entire house, making sure everything was just as she’d left it. she puts on her coat and grabs her car keys, making sure her credit card sits safely inside her phonecase. she drives to the grocery store, preparing herself for all the small talk she’s going to do as soon as she steps in. on other occasions, she’d be happy to catch up with everyone she grew up with, but as she climbs out of her car, she spots a familiar figure making its way inside.

“i’ll come back for you. even if it takes me five, ten years.” “i think i love you.” “liebe? what does that mean?” “i don’t know, it’s what my dad my mom after he makes her mad” “good night, mein liebe,”

it’s like a kaleidoscope of memories, all at once, ending as soon as they came. she grips her phone in her hand. lightly banging her head against the hood of her car.

you can do this.

she grabs an old beanie from the back of her car, putting it on in hopes to not catch that much attention. closing the door, she breathes deeply, walking toward the grocery store. she keeps her head down most of the time, skipping aisles when there’s someone there, avoiding eye contact whilst side-eyeing everyone, looking for him. so she can run away from there as fast as humanly possible.

you’re almost done. you just need the milk.

she grips the cart handle until her knuckles turn white, taking slow steps to the dairy section, she sighs in relief when she sees it’s empty. once the carton of milk is secure in her hands she rushes back to her cart, scanning her groceries in case she forgot something. she hears a laugh, one she could recognize from miles away. her eyes widen, brain short-circuits as she hears him getting closer. her feet feel like lead. she drops the milk in the cart, taking clumsy steps away from that aisle. just as she’s about to leave the aisle she sees him, out of the corner of her eye. he’s there. she moves her head, watching him typing something on his phone, her heart pounds in her chest as she sees him putting his phone away, scanning the different products.

she must’ve been staring for too long, she thinks, because his eyes shift from the freezers, to her.

two pairs of wide eyes meet each other, her throat feels dry as he looks her up and down. his mouth opens, and she panics, she knows he’s about to call her name. a name that he’s been whispering to himself ever since that night eight years ago.

god bless old mr. johnson, who calls mick’s name, making him break the staring contest between them. she takes the opportunity and bolts out of there, rushing to the only available cashier, a girl she’d gone to high school with.

“it’s just like the old days… you and mick here, together,” the girl, liv, says, and (y/n) remembers that during their school years, liv always told them how cute they were together.

“oh, i, we… we’re not-” she shakes her head, and liv’s eyes widen.

“oh, my god, i’m so sorry, i just… you were like, the perfect couple, i think everyone still mourns your breakup. and now you’re here, and he’s here… and you’re both like, here, right now,” she opens her arms, “i’m sorry,”

“it’s fine,” she says, tapping her heel against the ground, looking around her.

once liv finishes ringing all of her items, she pulls out her credit card, and liv gives her a pained smile.

“i’m sorry, we’re not accepting cards right now, do you have any other form of payment?” oh, god, this can’t be happening right now.

“n-no, i… this is all i have. i can run to the bank tomorrow morning and pay you as soon as you open?”

“i’m sorry,” liv sakes her head, “i’m not allowed to-”

“hey, it’s fine, i’ll take care of it,” like a saint, out of nowhere, mick materializes behind her.

“n-no, you don’t have to,” she says, not looking at him, choosing instead to watch liv, who looks like a kid who’s about to meet her favorite artist, her eyes darting between the two former lovers. “i’ll come back tomorrow,” she says, pushing the cart.

she feels a hand wrapping around her arm, she flinches at the contact, looking at his hand, then, slowly, drifting her eyes up. it takes everything in her not to melt under his touch.

be strong. it’s over. he’s your past.

“let me do this for you,” he says. don’t give in, don’t give in. it doesn’t work, he gives her that damn small smile, she watches the way his lips curl up slowly. and she’s done for.

“i’ll pay you back tomorrow. i swear,” she says once they're out of the store, balancing the grocery bags in her arms as she pulls out her keys.

“oh, no, don’t worry about it,” he smiles, and she looks at him sternly. “fine, sorry,” he doesn’t know why he’s apologizing, but he feels the need to.

once she places the bags in the backseat, she shuts the door. she straightens her back.

“i- i should… go now, i-”

“oh, yeah, sorry,” mick scratches the back of his head as he stands up, he’d been leaning against the driver’s side of the car. he stands, moving to the side to let her climb in. “are you free tomorrow? maybe we can-”

she cuts him off, turning on the car and putting it in reverse. mick takes a few steps back, and she wastes no time in backing up and getting away from there.

she gets no sleep that night. she tosses and turns, she walks downstairs and makes a bag of popcorn she picked from the grocery store. if this is how she reacts to just a few minutes with him… how is she supposed to survive the rest of the holiday season?

she falls asleep when the sun starts rising.

incessant knocking on her door wakes her up. she grabs a hoodie from the floor, putting it on as she rushes downstairs.

“i can’t believe you’re back!” arms wrap around her, pulling her close to the older woman’s body.

“it’s nice to see you, too, corinna,” it hurts to say her name.

“mick told us he saw you last night. why didn’t you call? i would’ve set up the guest room for you,” mick’s mom loved her like she was her own child. and it really took a toll on her when the couple broke up years ago. she wanted to be there for both of them, but it just wasn’t possible.

“thank you, but i- i have this place,” she knocks on the door frame, smiling. “how’s everyone?” she asks.

“it’s just like the old times… you’re both back home, the carnival is starting in a week… this might be the best christmas we’ve had in a long time,”

the girl nods, a tight-lipped smile on her face.

“gina is returning home tomorrow,”

“aw, i can’t wait to see her. i’ve missed her snarky remarks,” gina had always been the older sister she never had.

“i see it and i don’t believe it…” they both turn, seeing michael walking to her with open arms. “(y/n) (y/l/n)...” she sprints towards him.

“you’ve gotten old,” she says once the hug ended.

“so have you,” he replies, making her laugh. this was why he always was one of her favorite adults, he wasn’t afraid to fight back, no matter who he was talking to.

after catching up with the married couple, they leave her alone, not without giving her tight hugs, and michael and corinna pour all the love they have for her into their embrace.

the facade leaves her exhausted, she collapses onto her couch, tears streaming down her face.

i have to leave.

the four years she’s been away from this place were not enough to heal all the open wounds he’d left. she thought she’d moved past him, but she was wrong. she didn’t know how she’d survived the first years without him, whilst she still lived there.

but she’d been doing just that, surviving. waking up past midday, malnourished her body, crying herself to sleep each night. she didn’t deserve that. and she couldn’t go back to that dark place either. and if what she needed was to get away from that place, to never place a foot in the place that had once brought such comfort, she’d leave. go to the other side of the world. whatever it took.

she runs upstairs, thanking the stars that she hadn’t bothered to unpack. she grabs her bag and heads downstairs, wiping the tears away from her face. she opens the door, freezing in her spot as she sees mick standing in front of her.

“h-h-hi,” he mutters, looking at her with wide eyes, his eyes travel down to her bag. “a-are you leaving?” he asks, feeling a pain in his chest.

“yeah, i-” she clears her throat, her mouth feeling dry. “something came up, i-” she rushes past him, placing the bag on the backseat.

“i was hoping we… we could talk,” he says as she shuts the door close.

“can’t. sorry,” she keeps her eyes straight ahead, taking strong steps toward her front door, pulling out her keys to lock it. she turns around, flinching back, she finds herself trapped between the door and mick’s body.

“is it because i’m here?” he asks, her eyes fly to a random spot behind him. “i don’t-” he doesn’t finish his sentence.

“i have to go,” she says, but he places his hands flat against the door, caging her between his arms.

“i came back.” was all he said.

“good. now, please, let me leave.” she tries to move, but his hands move to hold her waist. “m-mick,” his name feels like a breath of fresh air. she doesn’t remember the last time she spoke his name, it had been too long, for sure.

“i came back. for you,” he whispers.

“it’s a little too late for that,” she says, feeling a weight in her chest.

“don’t say that. we promised that i’d come back for you,”

“i never made any promises, you did.”

“you said that it wasn’t goodbye. just a see you later.”

“i did. now this is goodbye.” she says, pushing his arms away from her. she takes two steps before she’s being lifted in the air and thrown over his shoulder. “put me down!” she yells as he starts walking. she feels his hand in her pocket, grabbing her keys and unlocking her home. he walks in, locking the door behind him to prevent her from running away, he places the keys in his pocket before he sets her down. “what the hell, mick?”

she doesn’t flinch this time, when she says her name, and they both notice it.

“i just want to talk-”

“fine. let’s talk. oh, i cannot wait to hear all about your adventures all over the world. are you having fun? aren’t you tired from the jet lag?” she ranted, a permanent frown on her forehead as she faked empathy. “aren’t you so glad you left this beat up small town and went to the greatest cities in the world?”

“what are you talking about? you left this place, too!” he interrupted her.

“i know, but i at least make it back for the holidays! unlike someone,”

“why are you being so childish?” he scoffed.

“because i can! and i want to!”

“don’t you want to talk like proper adults, sit down, discuss this in a-”

“no! this is my house and i talk however i want to! and if you don’t like then you can leave, it shouldn’t be an issue, seeing that that’s the only thing you’re good at. leaving me, your family, everything behind!” she yelled, turning her back on him.

where was this coming from?

“do you think it’s been easy for me? i don’t get to see my family for half of the year, and when i do get time off i’m too busy thinking about you to even pay attention to them!” now he was raising his voice as well.

“boo-hoo. poor mick.” she rolled her eyes. “you know what to do to fix things with your family,” she shot him a dirty look.

“are you saying i should quit racing?”

“you said it,”

“that is literally all i’ve dreamed of my entire life,” he said, not thinking twice about his words. she took a step back, visibly trying to make herself smaller. “fuck, that’s not… you’re making me say things i don’t mean,”

she shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest. they both stand there, looking at each other. the anger is now followed by sadness.

“what happened to us?” mick whispers.

“distance. timing.” she lists.

“timing… you said-”

“i know what i said. i also remember what you said,” she lifted an eyebrow.

“i did come back. i’m right here.”

“are you? are you really back? for good? or is this just something to keep your mind busy before the season begins?”

“why are you so upset about me prioritizing my career?” he runs his hand through his hair, nearly pulling at the roots in desperation.

“because you never thought about me!” she yelled. his mouth opened but no sound came out. “you chose a car over me,”

“everything i’ve ever done is for you. all my choices, every contract i’ve signed, every race i’ve won… has been for you, to secure a future for you. for us.”

“and where was i?” her voice came out broken. “why wasn’t i with you… by your side as you accomplished all of those things?” he didn’t reply. “do you know why i was so upset with you?”

“because you hate me?” he scoffed. she shook her head.

“because all those years ago, i was ready to drop everything and go with you.” she said, feeling tears in her eyes. “if you asked me to, i would’ve sold everything in my possession and join you.” she shook her head. “i was alone, i had no one. and the one person who understood me, who loved me more than anything in the world, suddenly didn’t anymore. do you know how… broken i was after you left? i would fall asleep at five in the morning, wake up in the evening and stare at the window all day. i’m not saying this to rub it in your face, make you feel bad. what i’m saying is, i can’t go back to who i was back then. i won’t survive.

so if you’re saying that you’re back, after eight years, i want you to think about what you really mean by that. are you back for a few weeks, a month at most, looking for someone to keep your bed warm… or are you ready to fulfill that promise you made that night?” she finished, wiping away a tear as she walked up the stairs, leaving him stunned. she dropped down on her bed, burying her face in her pillows. letting out a sob as she heard her front door slam shut.

-

the days passed, she stayed inside her house for the most part, only leaving to go to the grocery store, praying she didn’t run into mick, or to go on a walk at ungodly hours of the morning. she’d promised herself she wouldn’t go back to how she was eight years ago, so she woke up early each morning, cleaned her entire house, sans her parents’ bedroom, and finished whatever unfinished projects she could find.

she was washing the dishes she’d used to prepare breakfast, when a knock on her door caught her attention.

“michael… what are you doing here?”

“just checking in, everything alright?” he asked, she nodded. “are you sure?”

“i’m… surviving,” she shrugged a shoulder.

“you need to leave this place, when was the last time you went out, breathed in the crisp morning air?”

“this morning, actually. i’ve been going on a run at about five thirty am, every day.” she smiled, feeling proud of herself.

“good, that’s good for you. well, i don’t know if you know, but tonight is the inauguration of the christmas carnival,” she nodded, remembering what corinna had mentioned. “and you know corinna loves you, she’s been helping organize it this year, and i know it would mean a lot to her if you showed up, even for just a few minutes.” michael explained, and she huffed.

“that’s cheating. you know i can’t say no to you, or corinna,” the couple had been her bonus parents, how could she let them down? “i guess i could squeeze it in my very tight calendar,” she joked.

“great, we’ll pick you up at six, you can help us with the finishing touches,” michael skipped down the steps of her porch, walking away, leaving her speechless.

once the sun went down she got ready to go out, wrapping herself in comfortable clothes, applying light makeup to her face. when the clock hit ten before six, she felt butterflies in her stomach.

after sadness, came the acceptance. maybe she’d been right all those years ago, maybe they just weren’t meant to be. no more fighting, she decided.

a ring on her doorbell brought her out of her thoughts, she ran downstairs as the person outside pressed the button again and again, she didn’t have to think twice about who it was outside.

“will you stop? i heard you perfectly fine the first time,” she said as she opened her door, coming face to face with the one person who’d been by her side during her heartache.

“are you sure you weren’t asleep? wallowing in self pity?” the girl outside fake pouted, making her laugh. if it had been literally anyone else, she would’ve punched them, slam the door in their face, but it was gina. and gina knew better than anyone how to deal with a sad (y/n).

“bitch,” the younger girl smiled, shaking her head in disbelief.

“bitch,” gina repeated, wrapping her arms around the girl. they embraced each other, she sighed in relief, now she had someone to save her from the nosy townspeople. “i missed you so much,” gina said.

“i know, i missed you too.” she nodded, now that she was out of the euphoric state after seeing gina for the first time, she noticed mick leaning against her car, waiting for them.

“did you really? or were you too busy with that hot french guy to even send me a picture of you on your way here?” gina raised her voice a little, clearly trying to get her brother’s attention. the girl’s eyes widened, flashing to the blonde for a second. it was true, though, she’d been living in paris for the past year, and she met claude one night in a bar, they’d hooked up a couple of times during her time there, but she made it clear from the first day that it was nothing serious. her heart still belonged to someone else. someone who was currently straightening his back, moving his head to the side, avoiding her gaze.

“gina…” she whispered, “what the fuck?”

“trust me. he has to know you won’t be waiting around for him,” gina whispered back. “anyways,” she said loudly, “let’s go to the carnival, i’m sure mom and dad are wondering where we are,” gina grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the house. she locked the door behind her, shoving the keys in her pocket.

“hi,” she breathed as they approached mick, who gave her a small smile before looking away.

“hi, you two ready?” he asked.

“yeah, let’s go,” gina answered. the three of them walked toward the main square, where the carnival was taking place. “shoot, i forgot something. you too go on without me, i’ll meet you there, bye,” gina rambled, running back to her house, leaving the two of them alone, standing there in the cold.

they watched her run away, her figure getting smaller the further away she got.

“twenty bucks says she planned this,”

“i don’t want to lose twenty bucks over this,” she chuckled, humorlessly. she took a few steps forward, looking behind her shoulder to see him standing there, awkwardly. “are you coming, or what?” she placed her hands inside her pockets as she kept walking, it only took him two seconds to reach her side.

his hands itched, she was so close, with just one movement of his arm and he’d be holding her.

“listen, i…” she spoke, looking straight ahead. “i don’t want to keep arguing about… us. just for tonight, let’s… leave that behind us, even just for a few hours. this night is important for your family, and i-” her voice broke, and she stopped walking, they could see the lights and hear the excited talking from the carnival. “i want to have a nice night, i don’t want to think about tomorrow, or the future, just…” she looked up at him, seeing the same hurt look on his face.

“okay,” he said. “just one night.” she nodded, looking at his outstretched hand. “like nothing ever happened,” he offered.

“we’ll probably regret this in the morning,”

“maybe,” he shrugged, “but we’ll worry about that tomorrow. for now, let’s enjoy what the town of eroda has to offer.” she held his hand, fingers lacing together immediately, like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly.

if there was one day of the year where they could pass unnoticed by everyone else, it was the inauguration of the winter carnival. the whole town seemed to be under a spell, too lost in the snow, the games. as the minutes pass, as they jump from one attraction to the other, it’s like turning back time. suddenly, they’re both fifteen again, and he’s winning stuffed animals for her, she laughs and cheers for him when he raises his hands in celebration.

it feels so easy, she realizes, to fall back into their usual routine, their old ways, once they’ve both decided that this night is for them, and them only. even though they both know that the morning after will be like the breakup all over again, they push that thought to the back of their mind.

they can be hypocrites, masochists and stupid for one night. and if this is the last night, before the grand goodbye, then they’ll take full advantage of the time they have left.

she leans her head against his shoulder as they watch the fireworks show. he wraps his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. he feels eyes on him, and as he turns to the side he sees his family looking at them, wide smiles on their faces. and he feels a lump in his throat.

“come with me,” he whispers, grabbing her hand. she looks at him, a small frown on her face.

“why? where are we going?” she chuckles as he leads her away from everyone else.

“you’ll see,” he says, looking at her from behind his shoulder, a small smile on his face.

in a town this small, it doesn’t take her too long to realize where he’s taking her. they sneak into the football field of the high school they went to years ago. they walk behind the bleachers, where they shared many kisses hidden from prying eyes. they walk in unison, headed straight to the center of the field.

they laid side by side, looking up at the stars.

“do you ever… think, wonder, about what could have been?” she asks.

“every day,” he answers.

“me too,” she whispers.

“who… wha- who is the hot french guy gina mentioned?” mick asks, gripping her hand tighter, involuntarily.

“claude. i’ve been living in paris, and he…” she shrugs, “he’s just a guy,”

“is that really all he is?” was he jealous? did he seriously think there could be someone other than him for her?”

“trust me, i’ve tried my luck with guys, none of them are you.” she breathes, slowly taking out a brick of the walls around her.

“good,” he whispered, and he couldn’t help a small from forming on his face. was he being a jerk? maybe. but it was a great relief to know that bit of information.

“idiot,” she chuckled, punching his shoulder lightly. “you’ve officially ruined me for other guys, how does that make you feel?” she lifted an eyebrow.

“fucking fantastic,” he laughs, and she does as well. suddenly, their laughter fills the empty football field.

why were they laughing? maybe it was the snow and the cold beneath them that had affected their brains. once the laughter died down, the sadness came back.

“it is fantastic… you have no idea how much it hurt just hearing your name, seeing your face on the newspaper. i couldn’t even try to fall in love with someone else without having the whole town shooting me pity glances, “poor thing, the love of her life went away, now she has to find a replacement”. fucking stupid. stupid. why did you have to leave?” there were tears in her eyes.

“i don’t know… if-if i could turn back time, go back to that moment, i would. i would ask you to come with me, you have always been my motivation, the reason i’m doing this. i-”

“do you think he could’ve worked out?” she asked, eyes shifting to the stars above.

“i do. god, we’ve wasted so much time, i just know that if you’d left with me… we’d be the happiest people in the planet,” her heart broke. “i’m sorry for all the pain i’ve caused you, for not thinking about you, for being selfish, i- i don’t even know why you’re still talking to me. i would’ve been furious, ready to-”

“i was. i was furious. but i couldn’t be the one holding you back. like i said, i just knew you’d come to hate me, eventually. it’s better this way, now we just have the memories.”

“what about a future?”

“please don’t… don’t use that word if you don’t mean it.”

“but i do. i know it’s probably so fucked up from me to say, but i’ve already got a taste of a lifestyle that i adore, and i’m so incredibly grateful that you let me have it. but now i… i’m ready. i’m ready for more.” he sat up. “the worst mistake i ever made was letting you go. and now that we’re both here, i don’t want to do it again.”

she didn’t reply, just laid with a blanket of snow beneath her.

“i don’t know if i can survive another heartbreak,”

“you won’t have to. i promise. i’ve learned my lesson the hard way, i can’t let you go again.” he sat on his knees next to her. “that is… if you want to. i- i completely understand if you… if you don’t want me,”

“i’ve wanted you since before i knew what love was.” she breathed, sitting up as well, feeling the snow in her hair. “if we… if we’re going to do this, for real this time, we have to be completely transparent with our feelings,” she let her fingers play together, eyes drifting down. “our choices, we make them together. wherever you go, i go.”

“there’s nothing that i want more than that,” he held her hands. “it’s always been you. you’re the one for me, the one i want to share everything with. i want you more than anything in the world.”

“you have me. you’ve always had me.” she grasped his face in her hand. “i was just too stubborn to admit it,”

“no, i deserved it. after the hell i put you through,” he shook his head, but the girl leaned in.

“the journey was hell… but it brought me heaven, it brought me back to you.”

“we can make this work.” he nodded, she gave him a small smile.

“everything leads me back to you. and this town,”

after eight long years, their lips met again. the sparks were there, they never left. she’d missed his touch so much, she felt her skin on fire as his hands roamed over her back, her waist, her face. she clung to him, afraid that if she let go he’d disappear forever. her back hit the white snow, a chill running down her back from the cold, but it was put out by his magical hands on her face.

“i’m sorry… for making you wait so long, i know patience wasn’t really your forte,” he whispered on her lips.

“luckily, for you, i am.”

-

“i haven’t seen him smile like this in months,” corinna whispered to her husband, watching the young couple sitting in front of the christmas tree.

“i know. everything is back in place, like it always should’ve been,” michael said, his arm around corinna.

the girl was laughing, sitting in mick’s lap as he whispered in her ear.

“i love you, mein liebe,” he said, catching her off guard. a smile appeared on her face.

“you don’t know how long i’ve been waiting to hear that again,” she replied, burying her face against the crook of his neck.

“will it take you a while to get used to it?” he asked, chuckling lightly.

“no,” she shook her head. “this might,” she played with the ring around her finger.

“you better get used to it, it’s not leaving that finger any time soon,”

“really?” she raised an eyebrow, smiling.

“mhm…”

it might not make sense to most people, how can a couple be engaged just five days after getting back together? but for them, it was just picking up where they’d left off. the deep love they felt for each other was still there, untouched. sure, they’d felt other feelings along the way, but love would always be the strongest. they wouldn’t hesitate anymore, they wouldn’t waste any more time they already had. they were in charge of their own destiny now.

“good, because i don’t want anyone else. only you,”