#that was the first bit of queer media i ever saw it's all i know how to expect

[wistfulenchantress]

the whole idea of having actual cutesy byler scenes hasn't really sunk in for me yet omg.

like, it's not just a korrasami moment with hand holding right at the end. they might actually be in love. on screen. for us to see.

ok well now im just kicking my feet and giggling aren't i

Now that everyone is active, I don’t know if you guys check out Noah’s spotify as much but on his playlist of Stranger Things there is an extra song, an extra song that now feels relevant.

AN EXTRA SONG THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.

So, Noah, darling, what is Dancing Queen doing there? Please explain why, I mean, you added it after the other songs, you added it even on a later time; did you know anything about a prom? The song was added on August 2022, not new, remember that please.

why dancing queen? I mean it’s a classic prom song, it’s THE prom song.

and a gay anthem.

I am probably reading too much into it, but…

[viennakarma]

Everything I Wanted II.

LESTAPPEN X READER (PART 2)

Summary: Your journey to become a Motorsport legend wasn't easy, especially when your path clashed with your greatest rivals, Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc.

Word count: 8.9k

Tags: Driver reader, mentions of crash, angst, abusive parent, daddy issues, trust issues, character death (not reader), cursing, strong rivalry, misogyny in motorsport, invasive media, aggressive fans, reader suffers with cyberbullying and hate, smut, female reader, +18, unprotected sex, voyeurism, exhibtionism, edging, filthy, porn with plot, queer! everyone, polyamory lestappen, bit of dirty talking, pet names, not beta read

Relationships: Lestappen x Reader

Mentor!Kimi Raikkonen x Reader

Sebastian Vettel, Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton x Platonic!Reader

Notes: this is full of motorsport categories inaccuracies, just go with the vibes please. There are a few inaccuracies regarding other drivers' lives, but they are just to fit the story. This chapter is very angsty and none of it is an attack at the drivers nor their fans and personalities, please.

I know I KNOW, this got out of hand, AGAIN. I promise next part (and hopefully last) is more focused on the romance, and the happy ending reader deserves.

Find me on Twitter!

-

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

-

You spent Christmas with your mom, sharing a lot of presents and watching a bunch of stupid Christmas movies. New Year’s was now a tradition to spend with the Raikkonen Family, joined with the closest friends for a little get together. It was a good opportunity to reconnect with Kimi’s kids who missed you a lot during the season.

Charles never contacted you during winter break, which you were sure was the best after that mistake. You hated each other too much and the only thing that could come out of that was toxicity from the both of you. You refused to even acknowledge what had happened and its implications, that wouldn’t and couldn’t mean anything.

During the pre-season testing in Bahrain, you and Charles were back to whatever your relationship was before that one lapse in judgment months before.

Nobody noticed anything.

One day, Fernando pulled you aside for a little chat. You two sat side by side on big moving boxes, sipping on energy drinks.

“There’s something I have been wanting to talk to you about since last year,” he started, seemingly pensive, distant.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah. Remember after we first met when you asked me if I had advice for you regarding your career?” Fernando said, and you remembered.

Right after you had gotten close, you asked him for advice, you always did, especially about racing. But one day, you were chatting about his career, and you asked if had any lessons you should never forget. He had laughed joking about read all your contracts then asking if you were calling him old, but he said if he ever had any advice, he would tell you.

“Yes, have you got my answer yet?”

“Sí, Nena,” he paused, looking deep into your eyes, “enjoy.”

You frowned and he saw the confusion on your face.

“I see much of my younger self in you, you know? The same passion, this fiery desire to win, your goal for the championship, to conquer the world…” Fernando paused, looking up to the clear sky, the sunset coming around, “And I did. But I wish I had enjoyed it more. I should’ve gone to parties, I should’ve visited the countries we went to and tried the food, I should’ve made more friends, I should’ve had more lovers… I was so focused on winning, on getting my hands on that trophy of champion of the world, that I missed out on a lot.”

You felt your eyes tear up, and you wiped it before the tears came down. Putting your hand on his shoulder, you smiled at him.

“It’s such an honor race with you. And an even greater honor to have you as a friend, Nano” you whispered to him, you two laughed as his eyes watered too, and slapping his shoulder you laughed, “don’t make me cry, you old softie!”

You took his advice to your heart.

You went to the parties, you met new people, and that’s how after two entire seasons, you managed to befriend Lando, your teammate. You two had to open your hearts a little bit and meet in the middle. Which proved to be great, the whole team loved the change in your dynamic. You still weren’t besties, but you were close colleagues, and that was great. Everyone noticed the change and it reflected on how you started racing as a team instead of individually.

The car was even better than the year before, and the first race of the season you got a promising win.

That win, Lando’s pestering, and Fernando’s advice was how you ended up in a party after the Bahrain GP. Wearing a skimpy mini dress and 5 tequila shots deep, swaying your hips to the sound of Rihanna. You were dancing and singing with Lando and a few of his friends, loudly screaming the lyrics.

When it was way too hot for you, you grabbed a water bottle and beelined your way out of the crowded dance floor. You found a corner of the VIP section where the AC seemed to be working better, and as you stumbled inside the small space, you ran chest first into someone.

“Sorry,” you said, taking a step back and pressing your back against the cold wall.

“Enjoying your win?” Your head snapped up as you recognised Max’s voice. You had run into him.

Lando had mentioned inviting Max to the party, he had gotten a P2 in the race but you doubted he would go to a party he knew you would attend. You were obviously wrong.

“You know I am,” the victory was so good that nothing could ruin your mood.

“Well, then enjoy it. I’m coming for the win, again.” He warned you but his voice was devoid of anything, just sounded like he was casually telling you about the weather. But you knew that he was implying his championship the year before, rubbing it in your face.

“Don’t be so confident, Max,” you finished your water, smirking at him, “Enjoy the view of my rear!”

You flipped your hair, feeling his eyes on you the whole walk back to the dance floor.

And yet-

Somehow-

You ended up back at that small corner, dancing with your body pressed between Verstappen’s and the wall, his hand holding your jaw firmly, you rolled your hips against him, feeling the way his body responded to yours.

“We can’t-” he said to you, still, his eyes hadn’t left your lips, like he was so oh so tempted.

You rolled your eyes, annoyed. Sober you would never do that, but then, that was a problem for later. Checking to see if anyone was looking at you, you hooked a finger around his waistband and pulled him towards the bathroom.

As soon as the two of you were inside, you locked the door and Max pressed your back against the door, latching his lips to yours in a very desperate open mouthed kiss. You hugged his shoulders, opening your lips to him, his hands went down your sides and he grabbed your ass, pulling you into him. But that wasn’t enough, so he held your thighs and pulled up, carrying you. You locked your legs around his waist, and he stopped the kiss to walk, sitting you on the marble side of the sink, still between your legs, forcing his bulge against your panties, and eliciting a moan from you.

He took a half step back to hike your dress up, palming your cunt over your panties feeling the dampness of it, he tried to press his hand under your panties, but the lacy fabric didn’t leave much space, so he simply tore the bottom of them, exposing you to him. He just ran a finger over your slit, collecting your wetness for a brief moment before pushing a finger into you. Max watched your face with concentration, studying your body’s responses. Your hips shaking at the movement of his finger, and when the second one joined, you got louder. He curled his fingers up, his thumb pressing your clit, and you had to use both hands to hold onto him, your head lolling back against the mirror.

“Take it and shut the fuck up,” he grunted between clenched teeth.

He was pressing your insides so good, the slick sound of his fingers going in and out, his heavy breathing, the loud music outside and his laser focused fingers had you coming against his fingers in minutes. When he noticed you close, cunt spasming against his fingers, he pressed the other hand against your mouth, covering your moans when your toes curled and you orgasmed on his hand.

Max barely let you recover as he opened his jeans and stroked himself twice before pushing his cock into you in one swift move, making you gasp at the sudden intrusion.

“That’s what you wanted, right? Fucking teasing me all night,” He pushed particularly hard, hitting your g-spot, making you see stars, “you’re a fucking menace, y’know that? Fucking insufferable,” then his words became a mumbling of something dutch you couldn’t quite catch anymore with the way his hips snapped against yours, taking all your focus away and turning you into a mess of moaning.

Max fucked like he raced, focused and relentless, brutal. He hugged you with one arm around your waist to keep you in place and the other held you face, tilting your head so he could kiss you, or whatever that mess of saliva, tongues and teeth was. Your orgasm crashed through you unexpectedly, and you only hugged him tighter, pressing your face against his chest, biting into his skin through the fabric of his T-shirt to silence yourself, your teeth sinking into him was enough to send him also over the edge, coming with moans against your ear.

That night, you went home with shaking legs and an incoming headache, as Max left with the scraps of your panties in his pocket and your lipstick stain on his shirt, above his chest.

It was the seventh race of the year, Monaco, and you absolutely hated that specific track since your years of F2. During your two first years in F1 you had awful experiences, the rookie year you DNF and the year prior you had barely managed a P7. You were trying to keep your head up, be hopeful that you could at least try for top 5.

But since you couldn’t catch a fucking break, an old video of your teenage years resurfaced.

You were walking to your first round of interviews when Amanda, your PR manager, started walking by your side.

“There’s something. An old video of a karting competition resurfaced, where Max and Charles pretty much call you stupid,” Amanda was always direct, you could give it to her.

“Let me see the video” you asked, offering your hand for her phone.

“We don’t have time, but everyone will ask you about it. I need you to be the bigger person and act like it isn’t important, yes? They will try to taunt you and get a bad reaction from you, I need you to dismiss everything they throw at you. Agreed?”

You sighed. You knew the stuff from your teens were pretty bad, you rarely badmouthed Max or Charles, but they always felt threatened by you, so there were lots of instances they attacked you. Honestly, you just didn’t want to come out of this victimized. So as you entered the first round of interviews, you decided you were going to downplay anything they asked you.

“Y/N, have you seen the footage of you, Max and Charles from your teenage years that resurfaced recently?”

“No, uh, I haven’t.”

Someone pushed an iPad in your hands because of course, they wanted a live reaction from you. You pressed play, reading the subtitles someone put on the video. It was an amateur recording like a post race interview made by another teenage guy. First as Max walked out of the track, the guy asked what he thought of your win.

“It was luck, she’s not bright enough to think of a strategy,” Max said, walking away, clearly pissed having lost to you.

There was a cut and the camera was turned on again when Charles walked toward the guy asking the question. He repeated exactly the same question he had asked Max.

“Y/N, I don’t worry about her long term. She’s not going very far in this sport anyway,” Charles shrugged, seemingly unbothered.

As the video cut again, it showed your face, you remembered when that was. You were 14, and your dad had dropped you a few months earlier, so you were working your ass off balancing school, work and karting.

“Hey, Y/N. What do you think of your result today?”

“Uh, I tried a new strategy I learned earlier this week, thankfully it worked in my favor,” teen-You dried your forehead with your coat’s sleeve.

“What are your plans for this competition?”

“Well, I hope to be good enough to get into F4 next year, and work my way up into Formula 1,” you smiled softly and walked away after a quick bye.

The video ended and you still spent a few seconds staring at the black screen of the iPad. This interview didn’t come to your mind in more than a decade, but it was nice seeing how you made your 14-year-old dream come true.

“So, what do you say?” The reporter extended his mic to you.

“I guess I proved them wrong, right?” You giggled a little, “don’t take it to heart, really. We were all hormonal teenagers, I’m sure if someone digs, they will find a video of me saying the same stuff about them,” you shrugged, despite that being a lie, sounded dismissive enough.

“So it doesn’t upset you?” The reporter insisted, and you knew he wanted a scandal you weren’t willing to give.

“Of course not. I’ve always known my worth, and I’m P1 in the driver’s championship as of right now. So I don’t really care.”

The interviewers soon let the video go, when they realized you didn’t care about it. You weren’t sure if anyone would also approach Charles or Max with questions about the same video, but you couldn’t care less, you wanted to avoid drama for the time being so you could focus on the championship instead of this bullshit.

On the morning of qualifying, you were in your room, trying to meditate and clear your mind, when a knock interrupted you.

“Guys, I asked for twenty minutes so I could-” you stop yourself when you realize it isn’t anyone from your team, but it’s Max and Charles, “what are you doing here?”

“We came to apologize about the video,” Max started.

“Did your PR teams send you here?” You looked around, trying to catch a camera or even a phone recording.

“No uh, we realized we were very immature with you, and this video is just proof of how silly that was,” Charles sighed, seemingly embarrassed.

“You don’t need to apologize, I mean- the two of you really had it out for me, you called me dumb a lot,” you pointed to Max, then Charles, “and you called me ugly countless times. I don’t know why it would make any difference now.”

You were just so used to being defensive, to protect yourself from hatred you found it hard to believe them, to give them a chance to apologize because you couldn’t believe it to be genuine.

“Even if you don’t take it, or believe it, I would like to apologize for that behavior. I was just a stupid kid.” Max looked deep into your eyes, which could’ve made you uncomfortable if he didn’t seem so honest.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. It was too idiotic to be like that to you, growing up. You were just a kid too.” Charles added.

You understood where that apology came from, it was stupid and embarrassing for all three of you this teenage rivalry when you all were barely mid racers back in the day. Sighing, you looked around, dropping your façade for a second, allowing yourself to display the same honesty they showed you.

It was hard and required some sort of deprogramming because you could only see them as rivals, like your dad had whispered in your brain so many times before, like their actions towards you had cemented dad’s words. They had said things that were on your mind for so long, that had made you defensive and deflective.

“Look, don’t worry about it. Whatever happened back then, it’s water under the bridge,” You shifted on your feet. As they started walking away, you added “this doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

They only nodded before leaving. Your routine went back to the same, and as the next scandal went on, people forgot about the silly video, but a very specific part of the fans started shipping you and both your rivals.

The rivalry never died down though.

Then, out of nowhere, Sebastian pulled you and Lewis aside to a conversation. Then he told you that he was going to retire by the end of the season. It was the first time the two of them saw you cry, and Sebastian hugged you tight, shushing your crying softly.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered, petting your head.

“No, don’t apologize,” you let him go, drying your face, “I have listened to you talking countless times about how you missed the kids. Don’t apologize for choosing to be a great dad. I know Hanna and the kiddos will be ecstatic.”

“You two are my closest friends here, that’s why I wanted to tell you first, before my announcement.”

“Thank you, Seb,” you said, eyes still watering, “I’m going to miss having you around.”

“Thank you for telling us beforehand,” Lewis said, also visibly emotional.

The season was writing itself to be just as close as the year prior, but now you were slightly better at keeping the lead most.

That is until Zandvoort. This GP was always a nightmare to you, because it was full of Max’s fans, and they absolutely hated you for being his rival. You had been booed when you were on the podium the year before, so now, you and Amanda decided it was best to keep your head down during the whole week. Not out of shame, but more of a matter of safety, you didn’t know how far the crowd could go in antagonizing you. When you were booed the other year, Max had said it was part of the sport and dismissed the conversation.

The morning of free practice, you went into the paddock very low-key and kept to yourself. You arrived with a little cup of coffee and got mentally ready for a hostile environment the whole weekend. That, until you spotted a small group of people dressed with your color and wearing your number, waving wildly to you.

In a spur of the moment decision, you went there, getting close to the barrier to sign a few caps and take a few selfies. In retrospect, you knew you shouldn’t have done that, especially with only two bodyguards accompanying you.

You were finishing chatting with your fans when you felt something heavy hit the side of your head and the impact made you stumble backwards, you were confused as you heard the screams and felt one of the bodyguards pull you back, as the other jumped the barrier and started running. You patted your temple and something wet and sticky was dripping down the side of your face. You stared at the small group of fans who were looking at you horrified. Staring at the hand, you saw the red staining your fingers, and as the bodyguard kept pulling you away to somewhere safer, the thing flowed even more and  got into your left eye.

You wondered if it was blood as you touched your temple but felt nothing, not a gash nor small cut. You covered your left eye as it started to sting from what you supposed smelt like paint.

“Hey, hey, what happened? You’re bleeding!” Max jogged up to you.

“Not blood, just paint” you muttered, trying to use your coat to clean your face.

“Someone threw a paint ball at her,” the bodyguard said.

“Fuck, it’s burning!” You exclaimed, feeling tears in your left eye.

“Come here, the RB hospitality is close,” Max said, holding your wrist, he stopped shortly pointing to your bodyguard, “and you, sort this and find the person who did it.”

You let yourself be taken by Max into the RB territory, the burning so annoying that you rather take whatever solution he was thinking of. He held your waist and placed you sitting on a sink, and then you felt water streaming down your face.

“Stay still,” Max commanded, holding a hose over your head, pouring water down your face, “now blink slowly, let the water wash it,” his voice soft as you did what he told you to. Slowly but surely, it washed the paint away, relieving your left eye from the stinging. Max held the hose up and held your chin, tilting your head up so he could check your eye, still letting the water stream down your face.

You took a few minutes, breathing and regulating your heartbeat from that scare, trying to come back to normal and understand fully what was going on. From what you gathered, you were chatting with fans when someone else came and threw something with paint at you.

“How does it feel?” 

“It’s better, already stopped burning,” you told him, feeling your heart miss a beat at the close proximity you found yourself to him. You were sitting on a sink, Max standing between your legs pretty much like you two had done months before for entirely different reasons.

“Open your eye, let me see,” he asked, and you tried to blink it open, “can you see?”

“It’s a little blurry but I believe it will get better,” you explained, and he didn’t let go of your chin. Suddenly, he covered your right eye with the other hand, leaving you only with your left eye sight.

“How many fingers am I putting up?” He showed it to your left eye. The vision was a bit blurry but you still could make out the shapes very clearly.

“Four, Max. It’s just a little bit blurry, probably will get better in a few minutes” you sounded annoyed, you tried to move but he pressed a hand against your waist, keeping you in place.

“Now, what happened?” He asked finally. You ignored the proximity, and the hand still on your body.

“We’re in Zandvoort, that’s what happened,” you shrugged, really annoyed about it.

“What do you mean?” He was visibly confused. You scoffed because you knew it wasn’t something he didn’t know, since the year before he has dismissed the importance of how hostile people were to you.

“We’re massively surrounded by your fans, Max.”

“I don’t understand.”

“They hate me because you hate me, and they think because you hate me they’re justified in their hostility towards me,” You explained, with a sigh, you pushed away from Max, “this GP has been like this for me ever since Rookie year.”

“I don’t hate you,” he said, brows furrowed.

“You do. And they do too,” you pointed down at the paint that had also stained your shirt as proof.

“I don’t,” he insisted and you rolled your eyes, jumping off the sink, but he didn’t give you space, which made you stand chest to chest with him, “I promise.”

You stared at him, breathless. That wasn’t part of the game you played, being kind, sounding worried and making promises. None of that was part of this whole rivalry. Pushing his chest, you tried getting away but he caged you against the sink, body flush against yours.

“Do you believe me?” He asked and your eyes fell to his lips, and you allowed yourself to remember the desperate and chaotic kisses you had shared in a dimly lit bathroom, “I don’t support any of this behavior.”

You heard voices and steps approaching, which made you finally push him away, walking towards the door. Whatever little magic had been happening between those walls was undone the moment you remembered none of that would’ve happened if he had politely put a stop to it earlier.

“It’s part of the sport and I have to deal with it, right?” You returned the very same words he had said about you when you were booed by the crowd the year prior.

As you opened the door, you were faced with Sebastian. He stopped, taking you in and then pulling you in a hug.

“Are you ok? We just heard what happened!” He murmured, guiding you out of the bathroom. He held your shoulders and looked at your face, checking how your left eye was still a little red, “we should take you to see a doctor, come on.”

Lewis soon arrived at the entrance of the RBR station, he warned about the reporters crowding outside, waiting for a glimpse of you after the attack. The British man gave you a Mercedes coat so you put it over your head and avoid the cameras waiting outside. With the bodyguards and both Lewis and Sebastian leading you away, you ended up at the medical center, and after a quick examination, the doctor gave you eye drops to put throughout the day.

Your Principal suggested you sit the FP1 out, letting the reserve driver take your place while you recovered. By the middle of FP1, your eyesight was 100% and you went to get ready for FP2. The whole day you felt like everyone was being extra careful, tiptoeing around you. You hated feeling like you were being pitied, so when the inevitable round of interviews came, you knew what you had to do.

“We heard about your incident earlier today, how are you feeling about it?” Someone asked.

“I’m pretty upset, to be honest. Formula 1 is a sport loved around the whole world, and the paddock overall is supposed to be a safe place not only for the fans, but also the workers and drivers. What happened today is unacceptable and could’ve been much worse. I’m voicing my dissatisfaction and I intend to, through legal means, take this complaint to the FIA.”

Later that night, as you laid awake on your bed, scrolling through the repercussions of the day, you stopped when you saw a snippet of Max's interview.

“What happened today was dangerous and unacceptable, I don’t support this behavior and I stand with Y/N,” that was all he said, but Max usually was a man of few words, always knowing when it was enough.

You knew he should’ve voiced that much earlier in your career, specifically after the booing the year before, but still- He also could have opted to not say anything at all, and he didn’t.

Amanda also sent you the news that the fan who had attacked you was found and banned for life from Formula 1.

After calling Sebastian, you managed to get ahold of Max’s phone number and texted him a simple message.

Thank you. Twice. - Lioness

The text went to read almost immediately, and the three dots appeared from his side of the screen. You wait, and wait, and wait. And then the dots disappeared, and an answer never came.

After a solid P2 that weekend in Zandvoort, you went home for the summer break. You and your mom had planned to go to Monaco for a little while since you were planning on buying a place there. From there, you and your mom would go all around the French Riviera to enjoy the sea and spend a few days in a spa resort. Then, you would go back home and relax before going to Ibiza for a weekend to meet Lando and his friends to enjoy some partying.

Everything went according to plan, but one day when you came back home after the trip to the French Riviera, you found your mom passed out on the living room floor.

You called an ambulance, quickly taking her into the hospital. Everything was a blur, the tests and scans, your mom still unconscious on a hospital bed, and the results. The results that pulled the floor from under your feet.

Your brain couldn’t fully compute what was said. Cancer Stage 4. Surgery. Palliative care.

The world was muted around you as you sat on a chair in the waiting room, hands shaking when you tried to understand what was happening. You somehow ended up calling the one other person you trust.

“Y/N? What happened?”

“I don’t understand- she just- she just passed out and I thought- but- but they said- palliative care” you try to come up with words.

“Talk to me. Are you sick?” Kimi’s voice is so focused and a little soothing.

“It’s mom”

“Send your location, I’m going there,” that’s all he said.

Waiting for Kimi gave you some sense of purpose, because it’s Kimi. He could fix anything. He fixed your life when you were 14, he can do it again. He would get there and find a way to help. Your mind got so clouded when the word cancer was thrown in the conversation, that you probably missed the part about treatments and- and surgery and stuff.

In your mother’s room there was a comfortable couch where you tried to settle to sleep, but you only spent countless hours awake. You hoped to see the doctor again to try and get him to explain everything for a second time.

You wished you were smart and quick, but no, you just sat there holding onto the hope that Kimi had a way to fix this.

Kimi arrived early the next morning, knocking on the door before entering. You stood up, hugging him tight.

“What happened?”

“It’s pancreatic cancer, they said. We need to see more about surgery and- and treatments.”

You and Kimi found the doctor, who explained again, and in that moment you finally understood what he meant the first time around. She was in a late stage of pancreatic cancer, which was usually a very difficult illness to find before it is too late, due to the placement of the organ in the body and late symptoms. The only options were either to try a very risky surgery and chemo so she could extend her life for around 8 months to a year. Or she could go home to live her last few months the way she wanted.

You begged and cried and bribed and offered every single solution your brain could muster to try and save her. Kimi held you when you fell to the floor, sobbing.

When your mom woke up and you and Kimi told her the diagnosis, she cried too, sobbing in your arms as you tried to hold it together for her sake. It took a couple of days for her to choose to go home. The two of you spent the last days of summer break traveling around the world a bit more, visiting temples and statues, and seeing nature and everything good the world had to offer, going to places motorsport hadn’t taken you to.

Your mom went to every race week from there on, even when she felt especially weak, even when you had to hire a full time medical team for her. 

Your focus on the season was solely on the moment between entering the car and leaving the car. You still managed to race like you’ve done before, calm and controlled, with the help of your engineers and team, you still could put the car where you wanted it, paving your way for a solid world championship that year. It was like your brain was seeing racing as the one thing in your life you had full control over, so sometimes you even felt like you and the car were one.

You didn’t tell anyone about her. Though every driver noticed how distant you were, even Charles and Max and the ones that weren’t very close to you noticed how you were only fulfilling your obligations and leaving, you weren’t even celebrating your wins, leaving the fastest you could after a race.

The Singapore GP was tough for you, having to leave your mom home alone with the medical staff and a couple of friends from her book club, since she wasn’t strong enough to travel anymore. Your attention was failing all throughout media day and free practices. Qualifying was shit compared to your performance the rest of the season.

In Q3 you did a reasonable sector 1 and 2 but you messed up sector 3 completely. It was a complete accident when you got in the way of a Ferrari when he was doing his fast lap, and you ended up messing his qualy too. Jace let you know it was none other than Charles Leclerc, who was setting the pace for a pole position. Out of 19 drivers, you had to ruin his lap. In the end, Max got pole, Charles qualified P3 and you qualified P5.

You went through the motions during the post qualifying press. You were about to leave after debriefing, when Charles Leclerc found you on the way to the parking lot. You pulled your coat tighter around yourself protectively as he walked up to you. You were hoping to escape his fury at least until after the race the next day. Before he could even get a word in, you started.

“Look, I know I messed up your pole. I know you won’t believe me, but it wasn’t intentional. I really thought there was no one doing fast laps on the track, I thought everyone was either still doing out laps or in the pits, so when you-”

“Calm down, breathe,” he interrupted you, “I’m not here to fight.”

“No?” You frowned, confused with the kindness in his eyes.

“We know you’re going through something, and I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear this from, but you’re not alone. And you should really consider talking with someone on the grid. They’re all- we’re all worried about you.”

The words felt alien coming from his mouth, but the gentleness was so comforting you felt a lump in your throat.

“Why do you think I’m not ok?” You muttered trying to sound confident, but your voice failed, betraying you.

“You’re skinny and you look sleep deprived for a few weeks now,” Charles said directly.

“Damn, thanks.”

“I don’t mean it like that, you know it,” he paused, putting both hands on his pockets, “have you been eating?” Your lack of response made him press further, “have you eaten today?”

You pressed your lips together, not wanting to answer that.

“Let’s go, I’ll drive you to the hotel, we’ll stop on the way to grab some food,” Charles gestured to his car, a few meters away. You stood there, shocked as he started walking away, then he stopped looking over his shoulder, “come on, I don’t have all the time in the world.”

As you sat in his Ferrari, Charles put music on and you didn’t do much talking, but it was tranquil. He called the restaurant to order take out on the way, and 30 minutes later he dropped you off at the hotel with a bag full of food.

“Thank you, Charles.” You whispered before leaving the car.

You ate the food while on a video call with your mom.

You recovered well during the race, finishing P2, behind Max and ahead of Charles.

Your mom passed away a few days after the Japanese Grand Prix, the one you had won and dedicated it to her from the top step of the podium, even if she wasn’t there, just watching from home. You went home and stayed with her, holding her hands and hugging her as much as you could.

Some part of you knew she was somehow fighting, because she had promised you the year before she would be there when you became world champion. You could see she was hoping to make it to the end of the season, but you also knew she wouldn’t, and you rather she didn’t have to endure any more pain just for your sake.

“You don’t need to fight anymore, ma,” you whispered before she went to sleep, “you raised a strong woman, too. I will see you on the other side, ok? You can rest now, I love you.”

“I’m so proud of you, honey. I love you to the moon and back.”

You made it through her small funeral, following what she had written down before passing. An intimate funeral, full of flowers and a toast to her life. You cried the whole time, with Kimi and Minttu taking turns at comforting you as they could. Coming back to an empty home smelling of cleaning products made you almost lose your mind, and the sight of you in such despair was enough for Kimi to convince you to stay with them until you had to travel for the next race, in almost seven days.

The days passed in a crying blur, you let part of your team know about your mom’s passing. Only Amanda, Jace and your Principal. Jace tried to convince you to take a break and not go to the next race in Austin, but you quickly shut it off. Not only because racing was the one thing keeping you sane amidst the chaos, but because you were so close to the championship, and  it was still close competition with Max and Charles, so you couldn’t afford to lose a race and the points that could come with it.

You had to honor your mom in some way.

That’s how you ended up on a plane to Austin with Kimi and Amanda. You knew Kimi had convinced you to let him go because he was sure you’d have a mental breakdown anytime along the weekend, but deep down you appreciated the company. Arriving there, Jace was the first to hug you and whisper his condolences, as well as your TP too.

You survived the entire weekend without breaking down crying in public, but that was your worst race in a few months, the first time out of a podium since Spa. You ended up P5, which luckily wasn’t too bad because Max finished P4 which you were grateful for as he was the one who was P2 in the driver’s championship close behind you.

After that week, you packed your stuff and moved to the new condo in Monaco you had bought during summer break. Despite loving your mom to pieces, you couldn’t manage to live alone in the house you bought for her a couple of years before, it was lonely and it hit you with overwhelming waves of sadness all the time. You distracted yourself a lot with buying furniture and decorations for the new place, and discovering Monte Carlo in a whole new way. The one comfort in all that, was knowing your mom wasn’t suffering anymore.

Then you went straight to Mexico for the next Grand Prix, this time, Kimi left you because he had to come home to Minttu and the kids. Amanda had been such a support for you, that you knew you had to give her something special for the holidays, out of gratitude.

Everything was going as expected until the press conference. You were there with Charles, Max, Sebastian and Lando. You suspected they were putting you always in the same group as Max and Charles because, as the season nearing the end, only three races left, they were your close competition.

While someone asked something of Charles, you were whispering with Sebastian, chatting about Mexican foods you wanted to try after the race. Then, something bizarre happened, and phones started to ping all around the room, between reporters, cameras and everyone else started checking their phones. It seemed like something out of a black mirror nightmare.

You reached for your phone but then remembered you left it to charge in your room.

“This question is for Y/N,” a reporter asked, reading something from his phone, “there’s a new article that just came out saying your mom passed away a couple of weeks ago, is that true?”

Your blood ran cold, and every sound felt like it was muted inside the room. Wide eyed, you searched for Amanda, who was somewhere on the opposite side of the room, and when you found her, she was pale. Then, there was a cacophony of voices and cameras and questions, that made you suddenly overwhelmed.

Swallowing, trying to reassess, you found Sebastian already standing, holding your shoulders. Looking around you noticed how the other three drivers had stood up, making some sort of shield around you, protecting you from the cameras and reporters swarming around. 

“We can go, ok? Come on,” Sebastian was saying when Amanda caught up to you, leaning beside Sebastian.

“We can leave, right now,” she said, holding your hand.

Still a little confused, you nodded and let them both guide you back to your room.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for your loss,” Sebastian hugged you, running his hands on your back for comfort.

“How- how did they find out?” You ask Amanda.

“An article came out, I’m not sure. Someone was probably digging into your life, but don’t worry, I put the team on it already.”

“How do- how we diffuse this? How do we proceed? We need to address this, right?” You started blabbering, trying to wrap your head around everything.

“That was very disrespectful of them to ask like that!” Sebastian exclaimed, making you two jolt.

“We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. Do you want me to release a note asking for privacy?” Amanda suggested.

“Can I write something and then run it by you?” You asked, she only nodded.

After a moment, both Amanda and Seb left you alone as you typed a note on your phone. You rewrote and deleted a few times before settling on something heartfelt and respectful but also, calling out the invasion of privacy.

My mom passed away a few days ago after battling with cancer for the past few months.

She had requested of me to keep it a secret until after the season was over, so I could mourn her without the weight of racing over my shoulders. 

But obviously someone went digging and disrespected not only one of her last wishes but also disrespected my grief and my right to privacy. I love my mom but I’ll not be answering any more questions about her illness or death, please respect me and respect her memory.

All the love, Y/N

Nobody asked anything over the weekend, but again, it felt like everyone was tiptoeing around you. As soon as you first saw Nano the next day, he held you tight for almost a minute whispering his condolences, and it made you almost cry again. Lewis also spared you a hug, saying if you ever needed anything, to contact him.

You survived that weekend, and decided to go straight to Brazil for the next GP instead of going back to Monaco. In São Paulo you mostly slept your worries and fears away. You had promised yourself to try and focus on the season only, to make your dream come true, to fulfill your mom’s promise in some way.

With Ferrari’s bad strategy in Mexico, they had ruined Charles’ chance at the championship. Now your only competition was Max and the Red Bull rocketship.

You rewatched the race a couple of times as you usually did, to try and catch any mistakes you or your team may have made, to fix it for the next one. But also to try and notice any weaknesses of your rivals, if it was something you could use in your own favor.

You noticed right away in the FP1 that your car wasn’t adhering to the track, you were losing balance and needed more force than usual to keep yourself in place. By FP2, you managed to control your car better, but that caused your tyres to wear off way more quickly.

Quali was one of the shittiest you’ve ever done in your career, taking you out in Q2 for the first time that year, placing you for a start at P12.

“Listen, we’ll do better tomorrow, ok?” Jace told you as soon as you entered the garage, seeing Max still out with a shot at pole position.

“Give me a few minutes to unwind, please,” you asked, dropping your helmet, balaclava and gloves at a nearby table.

You went straight to your room, searching for your phone. Immediately calling Kimi, you waited for him to pick up.

“I watched it,” he said first and foremost.

“If I do bad in the race tomorrow, and Max does well, then I’m gonna lose the championship, Kimi,” saying that out loud made you shiver in horror, “FUCK!” You screamed, kicking a chair.

“First of all, even if you did bad tomorrow, you’d still have a chance to fight for the championship in Abu Dhabi. You know that,” Kimi warned you as if he was scolding a little kid, “second of all, I never taught you this loser mindset. You’ll have to find a way to work around the problems in your car tomorrow.”

“Shit, I’m so fucked! How? How could I even-”

“Remember when I first met you? Your kart was with almost this same problem, yeah? Remember you got P2? You went ahead and fixed it. That’s what I need you to do tomorrow, don’t focus on what you can’t do, only focus on what you can do.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“No trying. Do it.”

After spending the entire night crafting plan A, B, C and Z with you strategists and engineers, you barely got any sleep, but you forced yourself to rest. In the morning, you went to the track early to meet with your team again, to run your strategies one more time, when you had an idea. You’d still follow the plans you had carefully crafted with the team, but you decided to make a Plan Star, as you had called. Interlagos didn’t have any safety car in the last two years, so it was dangerous to fully count on one. But your plan star consisted in the case of a safety car in this one specific window of laps, you’d go to the pits for hards, counting on everyone else being on old softs or mediums at that specific point in the race. But for it to work, you had to be the first of the front field to go in.

As the lights went out and you accelerated, you got already three positions up, landing in P9, and luckily, the points zone. Jace was worried in your ears, talking about the car and the tyres management. With controlled calm and Kimi’s voice in your head, you managed a few more positions in the first 14 laps, landing P7. You lost a bit of time there, since Nando was P6 and everyone knew how tough it always is to overtake him. But you eventually managed to get the position. Unfortunately, it was the moment you had to go to your first pitstop. Due to the problems in your car wearing off your tyres, you would have to go for a two-stop, which ended up costing you three positions again. But you were patient and you were rewarded when the other cars had to pit, which gave you back the four places you had lost.

The race you went on and you barely moved up or down from your P5, but you managed to concentrate.

Jace, on the other hand was sounding more and more worried about your second pit stop, about the difficulty in get closer to P4, about the P6 trying to enter DRS zone behind you, with your tyres wearing off, with the-

“Jace, I love you but please shut the fuck up, I know what to do,” you were praying for a miracle when suddenly, there was a yellow flag, and the safety car went out during the perfect window of laps, “fuck, Jace, this is plan star.”

“Copy,” he paused, his voice sounding secure, “Box, box.”

You changed into hards, no one else went to the pits, and the race restarted after three more laps. The safety car had closed the gap between you and the P4, which made you overtake him easily.

Jace was still keeping quiet to help your concentration, he only interrupted to warn you about overheating your tyres, and your velocity per lap compared to the next position. You started overtaking like a madwoman as much as your tyres allowed.

“That’s P1, Lioness,” Jace told you.

“Copy that.” You said with your voice shaken.

As you managed your P1, you went back to be aware of your surroundings, seeing a Red Bull right behind you, trying to overtake but you managed to hold position.

When you took the checkered flag, you sighed with relief, Kimi was right.

“Congratulations, Y/N! That’s a brilliant, brilliant win!” Jace’s voice was sounding shaken too.

“You’re crying, Jace?” You laughed softly.

“It’s an honor to tell you that you, Y/N Y/L/N, are a Formula 1 world champion!” Jace shouts, and behind him you can hear more people screaming.

“What? Jace you’re fucking with me!”

“No, Lioness, you’re the 2022 champion of the world!”

“But- but how? There’s one race left? And Max was right behind me!”

“No, Verstappen DNFed during that one yellow flag. Behind you was Perez.”

You made the calculations quickly in your head. Max was P2 in the championship, but this DNF meant no points, and even if he managed to win the last race in Abu Dhabi, he wouldn’t be able to equal you in points. So-

“OH MY GOD, oh my god!” You screamed your lungs out, feeling the tears streaming down into your balaclava, “Fuck yes! I’m Formula 1 World Champion! Thank you, thank you so much guys! Jace, holy shit, I’m the champion!”

“You’re the champion!” Jace confirmed.

You felt joy in a way you hadn’t felt in a long, long time, as you stopped your car on the number one spot. Still a little dizzy from the thrill, you left the car, going straight to your team, heavily waiting for you. They all hugged you, hitting your helmet, saying congratulations and everything. You took a moment to hug Jace and Amanda, who had been of great support throughout the year.

After getting weighted and being congratulated by the other two on the podium, Perez and Hamilton, the latter hugging you tight as he took you off the floor, you drank water as you waited for the post race interview with Nico Rosberg.

You were giddy, barely holding yourself together with how happy you were feeling, how you wanted to hold the trophy, how grateful you were and more importantly, how you felt a great weight being lifted off your shoulders.

“Y/N, congratulations on becoming a World Champion! I have to say, as a girl dad, it is great to see you become the first woman ever to win this title. How do you feel? What do you want to say?” Nico offered, with a kind smile.

“To be honest, I can barely contain myself. It’s such an honor to be here and be the world champion. I look at the past and see my younger self who never thought would make it to Formula 1. It’s such a dream come true, after this year’s hardships, I’m glad to achieve the greatest dream of them all!” You said, kinda quickly, rambling as you tried to put into words all the emotions mixed with the happiness, “I’m sorry, I know I’m taking up all your time, I just want to dedicated this win, and this championship to three people who saved my life: Kimi, thank you for being the salvation of my career when we first met; And my mom, who’s not here anymore, thank you for being the light in my darkest days. And lastly, I want to thank myself for working my ass off and never giving up.”

You muttered a thank you as Nico only laughed at your rambling. Before you moved to the cooldown, you grabbed the mic back again.

“May I add one last thing?” You asked for Nico, who only nodded, pointing to the camera again, “This is to my father: I made it, you asshole.”

You wanted to send the middle finger too, but you knew you couldn’t because of the FIA’s guidelines, and you were already risking a penalty for cursing on live TV. In the cooldown room, you sat beside Lewis, watching a few highlights of the race on the screen. It showed a couple of your overtakes.

“Damn, you overtook like crazy,” Lewis muttered, seemingly amazed.

“I pulled a Lewis Hamilton in Interlagos last year,” you joked, and he laughed.

That podium felt like the culmination of everything you had worked for your whole life, felt like recovering your love for the sport for what it was, for the fast cars and the adrenaline. Being on that podium in Brazil as a World Champion shifted something inside you forever. During your anthem, you laughed, and when you got the trophy, you cried, pointing the trophy to the sunny sky with a silent prayer to your mom. You barely noticed, but you felt the champagne raining on you, and opened your arms to shower in it. Putting the trophy down, you splashed the other bottle, laughing and wetting everyone that was close to you, Lewis, Checo, Jace, who had gone up representing the team.

When the celebration ended, you stayed behind a little more, watching the crowd from the podium, and they started chanting. It took you a few seconds to realize they were chanting your name.

You raised your trophy at them, and they cheered even louder. Then you pointed it to the sky again.

“Look, ma, I made it” you whispered to yourself, feeling the tears streaming down your face.

TAG LIST: @be-your-coffee-pot @supremebaddietrash @mellowarcadefun @cmleitora @kyuupidwrites @80sloverry @newlifeforus @soulaires @hrrorflm @redwolfxx @icarus-nex @jenniferrvsesi @bborra @leilanixx @hc-dutch @withyoutilltheendodthismess @is-just-a @freetimemachinequeen @saturnchase @butterfly-lover @eddiesbitch83 @elliott-calls @nb26fort @wcnorris @vellicora @mac-daddy-210 @hiraethrhapsody @losore-prone @gills-lounge @enrapturedbythemoon @formula1mount @mightiestheroes @cherry-piee @chezmardybum @whodis-26 @mortallyblueninja @f1mockingjay @dance-the-painting

[drdemonprince]

The article regarding about annoying queer people sparked a by now long forgotten memory.

When I went to my first pride I snuck out secretly and thus was there after the parade. Most people were already some form of drunk or high(didn't know that at the time, I was 15 and naive beyond hope)

That was also the first time I saw puppies ever. In retrospect I must have stared and seemed like one of those annoying "no kink at pride" puriteens. They probably just wanted to allow themselves a small joke but what happened in praxis was, that a grown, white man in only puppy mask and boxers crawled up to me, stood up, started sniffing my breasts and when I started panicking and running away he run after me and everyone else watched and laughed. I think I screamed for help or cryed to please leave me be and was ignored but I can't remember much past the fear.

To them it was probably a small joke but to me it set me back for years. I didn't go to pride in that city ever again and took years to move past "no kink at pride" opinions, an opinion I didn't even have before that.

I felt incredibly isolated and wearing a small rainbow bracelet and cutting my hair took so much bravery. And it earned a lot of backlash too?

So often I see coloured hair and pins as this cutesy cringe thing of no consequence, but for me it resulted in hours upon of arguments and insults. It was worth it, because it helped me built my own identity apart from my families bigotry, but it sure wasn't fun or cutesy. Ultimately it led me to becoming brave enough to actually discover who I am and start making connections with the wider queer community.

Thankfully I had no social media accounts or I would have had some truly stupid arguments.

What I'm saying is, yes young queers can be annoying and it can be tiring to deal with them but being an asshole and vilifying them isn't the solution.

Making fun of teenagers doesn't make yourself more valid and doesn't give you the status of being an old experienced queer.

I'm saying teenagers here but the fun thing about queer people is that we can discover ourselves at any point in time. So it's less teenagers and more people newly discovering themselves as queer.

I get how annoying they can be very well now, doing voluntary work at pride does that.

Do many of those we consider annoying queers hold some harmful opinions? Yeah sure. (The amount of white queers, teens or adults, not dealing with systemic oppression beyond their own is staggering and they more than deserve to be called out. Just to be very clear, when I talk about annoying behaviour I do NOT mean microagressions or discrimination in any way)

But annoying behaviour is not synonymous to that and maybe we should all just start being less mean in public spaces? I get how satisfying it can be to get a hit tweet via a bitchy twitter reply now, but quite honestly I am more ashamed of that now than when I was running around in hoodies and short hair being painfully naive.

Because then I wasn't being mean to anyone. I had some stupid takes sure but no outlet. On twitter I was making fun of people to validate my own queer-ness. (Personally I think I was covering up for the fact that I was afraid the queer people I worked so hard to be part of wouldn't consider me one of their own. So I worked hard to show how I'm not one of "those queers".)

Either way, thanks for reading all this and thank you for sharing the article because it is something I strongly agree with. Just let people be annoying without making fun of them for it. It doesn't need to be a big deal.

Thank you for this wonderful, vulnerable, honest message about your slow path to self-acceptance in the face of a lot of barriers, anon. I'm glad that despite everything you've found your way.

Yeah, I think queer people have many reasons to feel terrified at the rising "no kink at pride" discourse, but sometimes when we lash out at puriteens we sound a bit like the childfree people who say that they hate kids?? Like, we're blaming literal children for an ideology of protecting "The Family" that has been foisted upon us.

I'm guilty of it. I was HAUNTED by the social pressure to get married and pregnant and raise a bunch of kids. It caused me massive dysphoria and didn't jibe with my queer identity. But I rebelled against it for far too long by saying that I hated kids.

It was not the kids' fault! It was the ideological specter of The Family as an institution that isolates and attacks all nonconformity and 'deviant' sexuality! Me being an asshole to children was not gonna set me free, kids were even more disinfranchised than I was!! I don't think I was ever overtly cruel to children, just kind of aloof and freaked out by them, but I definitely *did* say some numbskulled shit to my friends with kids a few times. Completely missing how disempowered mothers (and it was usually mothers) are in society BECAUSE of these same forces .

And I think something similar is going on here. Queer people are tired of having "Family Friendliness" shoved down our throats by corporations and conservatives, and so then we lash out... at young queer people. it's fine to have 18+ areas and events; It's very, very important to me that spaces like Furfest have them. But that's not the same thing as claiming young people have no space in our community as a whole. And I do think we need to erode the barriers between the adult and child worlds in a whole lot of ways, and reorient our attitudes toward nudity, sexuality, roleplaying, etc in public life. but that also doesn't mean a pup should run you out of a pride parade actually fucking sexually harassing you.

It feels great to be able to talk about this stuff! Thanks for your message.

[agoldenblackbird]

i'm gonna be a ranty bitch for a minute.

tbh i'm turned off even reading new buddie fic despite being a multishipper and have unfollowed a bunch of buddie accounts because i'm sick of the smug attitudes. one ask that i am otherwise not going to publish or respond to ended with 'sorry you don't understand media literacy bestie :)' fuck off. listen INFANT, i have been writing fanfic and original fic AND watching, reading and analyzing queer media since before you were born, i understand how character and story development works, and i know the difference between 'storyline i personally disliked' and 'bad writing.' this was BOTH, and it also was marketed to us as 'carefully crafted bi rep' and 'queer love story that is not about a bunch of pain and conflict FOR ONCE' so we have every right to be upset at the bait-and-switch.

the fact that i'm seeing the same exact posts - 'bt bones buddie CANON' that i saw three seasons ago after the bucktaylor breakup, or every time they thought buck and taylor MIGHT break up - says something. the fact that so many fans seem genuinely convinced (STILL!) that buddie is inevitable because there have been so many 'signs,' and then they rattle off a convoluted theory that would make the most hardcore taylor swift stan say 'wow, that's a bit of a reach,' honestly weirded me out a little when i first joined the 911 fandom. i have never been in a fandom where so many fans are insistent that their ship will be - not might be or could be, but WILL be - canon. i am skeptical both from past experience with other shows mishandling queer storylines or ship-baiting, and tim minnear's proven track record with this one of not really knowing what to do with buck's LI's. but i didn't want to yuck anybody's yum, so i let them have their theories and squee in peace, and unfollowed or blocked certain tags if i was seeing too much of it and getting annoyed. it's too out there for me, but i'm glad they're having fun!

yet they can't give us the same courtesy. they deride us as delusional for thinking that a canon pairing that was presented to us both in promo and the show itself as different and important (eg the bobby approval convo and 'buck getting off the hamster wheel') might last, and we're stupid to have ever liked tommy or lou or be disappointed at how the breakup was written, and if we point out the biphobia it's just sour grapes.

the bucktommy breakup is not the first time 911 has started out strong with an interesting storyline and fumbled it in the 4th quarter either because the writers got bored or in the name of needless drama/a 'gotcha' sudden twist. amir & bobby, eddie's fight club arc, the sperm donor SL, hen vs councilwoman ortiz, whatever the hell is going on with harry, the whole mess with shannon/kim, just to name a few. and especially the past couple of seasons, for me since 6b, the pacing has been off. they seem to have too much happening at once and many of the storylines don't have enough room to breathe to be narratively satisfying, or they get resolved in ways that feel lackluster.

if the toxic buddie stans who have been attacking lou on sm and sending death threats (wtf!) actually get what they want, which i admit is possible, but it's certainly not guaranteed….i don't know why they think the writers won't fumble that just as badly. it's not going to happen precisely the way they want it to because it is impossible to please everybody, that's what fanfic is for. but at this point i have zero faith that it would even be well done at all, and zero trust in the writers not to just sabotage or regress a character for funsies, and that's an excellent reason to stop watching the show. in most of my other fandoms i regard canon as a jumping-off point or a blurry outline at best, and i can have just as much fun in the 911 sandbox without any further input from canon at all, once i'm less angry.

[storiesforallfandoms]

public service announcement ~ eminem

word count: 2709

request?: yes!

“Could u do a Eminem x reader

Where the reader is asexual (they feel romantic attraction but not sexual attraction) and she’s getting a lot of hate for it and one day she’s back stage while he raps at one of his biggest concerts and he brings reader on stage and confesses his love and basically tells everyone that they need to stfu, and everyone shocked cause he doesn’t show emotions publicly very often. (Fluff) and ALOT of angst at the beginning”

description: during one of the biggest shows of his career, he decides to give his audience a public service announcement about his girlfriend

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warnings: swearing, rpf lil bit of angst, people being shitty about the reader’s sexuality

masterlist (one, two, three)

People not understanding my sexuality was nothing new. I had heard all the comments: “You just haven’t had good sex yet”; “You’ll change your mind when you find the right person”; “You’re making stuff up”. None of that phased me anymore because I understand that most people just don’t understand asexuality.

What did phase me was a new wave of hate that I started to get when Marshall and I started dating.

I don’t keep my sexuality a secret. I was very open about being asexual. It was even in all my social media bios. But I wasn’t super famous. I was an indie artist with a small following, most of which were also queer, so everyone was respectful. But when I started dating Marshall, I started getting more mainstream recognition. It was great for me career wise, but it unfortunately meant I was opened to a wider audience with a smaller mindset.

It started with questions about what asexual meant. Some people were open to the concept, but the louder minority were very not open to it. They made sure I knew with every post I made that they were not open to my sexuality.

“Prude” was a favorite insult. That one just made me laugh because it sounded so juvenile. Some just used the “making stuff up” and “attention seeker” comments. Those ones didn’t phase me anymore either. What got to me was when they started attacking my relationship.

“Why would Em want to date someone like her? He can’t even get any from her.”

“She’s not even attractive enough to make up for her sexless bullshit.”

“How long till Em dumps her ass because she won’t give it up? I say less than a year.”

They were all I ever saw in my comments. I know the only way to deal with shit like this is to ignore it. Once you allow the comments to bother you, then the trolls win. But it was definitely easier said than done. At first, it was easy to roll my eyes and close the comments. But then it became harder when more of my comments were mocking or insulting me. I tried deleting the negative comments one, but I was called out for it, which only fueled the fire when they realized it was getting to me.

I never told Marshall. He was chronically offline enough that he had no idea any of this was happening, and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn’t want him to worry about me, or be mad that his own fans were the ones saying these things to me.

Of course, what I wanted wasn’t what was going to happen, because fuck me I guess.

I had woken up before Marshall and decided to get a cup of coffee. The kettle was heating up as I decided to open social media for a mindless scroll while I waited. If I kept a log of how quickly I could stumble upon hate comments, this would be the record. It was almost instant when I opened Instagram and looked at the reactions on a story I had posted the night before. I hated that Instagram had added a feature to allow “commenting” on stories. It was so much easier to ignore responses to stories when I could just deny the message requests. But now this new commenting feature showed me everything that was being said.

I had posted a picture of me sat on the couch with my feet on Marshall’s lap. You couldn’t see his face or anything, just his hands resting on my legs, and the football game he was watching in the background. I had a filter on it, but no caption and no music. Of course, that’s all it took for the comments to be flooded with hate.

Okay, maybe “flooded” was an over exaggeration, but it felt like that was the truth when all I could focus on was the hate comments. I couldn’t stop myself from scrolling through and reading every single one, even when the kettle finished boiling. I was so deep in my doomscrolling that I didn’t hear Marshall walking up behind me until he said. “What’s wrong?”

I jumped, nearly dropping my phone in the process. “Jesus, I didn’t hear you come up.”

He reached out to brush his thumb over my cheek. “You’re crying.”

I hadn’t noticed I was crying, either. I wiped my other cheek and felt the wetness from tears I hadn’t even known were shed.

“It’s nothing,” I said with a shrug. “Saw something stupid and I guess it got to me.”

“It’s not stupid if it made you that upset,” Marshall said. “You don’t have to tell me, but you know if something is bothering you, you can talk to me about it. Even if you think it’s stupid.”

I was still a little emotional so his support hit me harder than usual. I felt tears welling in my eyes again and I couldn’t stop myself from blurting, “I just wish people would respect my sexuality. They don’t need to understand, but how hard is it just to respect someone?”

He didn’t ask what I meant. He pulled me into his arms and allowed me to cry on his shoulder. We stood like that for a while, Marshall running a hand up and down my back in a soothing way while his other arm was wrapped around me, and me crying into his shoulder.

I finally collected myself and pulled away from Marshall. “Sorry. I needed that.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “Who’s been giving you a hard time now?”

Marshall knew I had had multiple issues with people not respecting my sexuality before. There’s been times where I had complained to him since we started dating. So at least this didn’t come off as if it came out of nowhere. But I wasn’t sure how to tell him it was his fans that were saying these things.

Turns out I didn’t have to say it. My silence and expression was enough to tip him off. His face changed from sympathetic to having a touch of anger. “How long have they been saying shit?”

“A while,” I said with a shrug. Marshall gave me a look that made me sigh and correct, “Shortly after we started dating.”

“What?!”

“I thought I had it handled!” I quickly added. “It’s not like I’ve never heard that shit before. I’ve just...been struggling a bit more with it lately, that’s all.”

Marshall just looked at me for a moment before saying, “Let me see.”

I held my phone to my chest. Marshall raised an eyebrow at me. I sighed and conceded, realizing there was no getting out of this now. If I didn’t show him myself, he’d go looking on his own later. May as well be here to try and talk him down after he saw what people were writing about me.

I unlocked my phone and was immediately brought up the stuff I had been reading before Marshall woke up. I handed him my phone, then leaned back against the counter to watch him read. His ability to keep a straight face was working in his favor. There were no signs of any emotion as he read through the comments, just his eyes moving back and forth as he read.

Finally, he locked my phone and passed it back  to me.

“You should’ve told me before,” he said. He didn’t sound angry. Not with me, anyways.

“I told you, I thought I had it under control,” I said. “It wasn’t even bad at first. It just...progressed over time.”

The look Marshall gave me was finally readable: sympathy. He pulled me into his arms again and sighed. “I do wish you had told me either way. I’m sorry my fans are giving you a hard time.”

I buried my head into the crook of his neck. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. People are just so closeminded, it’s frustrating, and then it’s hard when the closeminded people start attacking your relationship just because they don’t want to try and understand.”

Marshall was quiet. He didn’t really have to say anything. It was nice just to talk to him about what was bothering me finally. As much as I didn’t want him to know, it was good to get it off my chest and to have someone know what was going on. And I definitely needed the prolonged hug that followed.

~~~~~~

A few weeks later, I found myself standing backstage as I watched Marshall perform. It was a huge night for him as he was getting inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. This was probably one of, if not the biggest night of his career, and I was glad that I could be there to celebrate with him.

Although, I was a little confused as to why I was celebrating backstage instead of being in the audience with Hailie, which was the original plan when Marshall got the news. But when we were getting ready for the ceremony, he asked me to instead be backstage while he performed and for his acceptance speech. When I asked why, he just told me he wanted me backstage for when he walked off. I tried to push for more of an answer, but he wouldn’t say anything else.

So, there I was, stood backstage next to Dre as we watched Marshall’s performance. At some point I realized I was smiling so wide that my cheeks were hurting, but I couldn’t help myself. I was so proud of him. He definitely deserved this after all his years in the industry.

When the performance ended, Dre walked back to the podium to give Marshall an official introduction before his speech. I had watched him write and re-write his speech many times because he kept feeling like what he had written wasn’t good enough (which I constantly found ironic given he was probably the best lyricist of this generation, but I guess that’s different than writing a speech). The final speech had come out great in the end though, in my opinion.

When he finished his list of rappers he looked up to, I expected it to be the end. That was, once again, the original plan anyways. He’d list all the rappers who raised him, he’d thank the audience and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame one more time, then he’d exit the stage.

Instead, I was taken by surprise when he said, “And I do have one more thing to say here before I go. I’d like to bring someone very special to me out on stage.”

Then his blue eyes found me backstage and I felt like I was going to pass out.

I walked out on shaky legs, willing myself not to collapse in front of this room full of people, plus the people watching at home on livestreams or the videos that would go up after the ceremony. I stood next to Marshall at the podium, unsure what I was doing there. He reached out to me and I took his hand in mine.

“A lot of you probably know my girlfriend,” he said. “She’s also a musician, and we’ve been together for a while now. I already thanked her in my speech because she has been a huge support for me since we got together. But I’m not bringing her on stage tonight to thank her for that. I’m bringing her up here because there are enough eyes on me tonight that I wanted to address something important.”

My mouth suddenly felt very dry. I tried not to face the audience cause I knew I looked like a deer in headlights.

“See, my girlfriend openly identifies as asexual. That means she doesn’t feel sexual attraction, just romantic attraction. She speaks very openly on it because not many people know or understand what asexuality means. I didn’t really know until I met her and educated myself. It’s not hard to just open Google and look do some reading on what asexual means, and to properly educate yourself on not only asexual, but the LGBTQ community as a whole.”

He paused for a second to look over at me. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was feeling in that moment, but I managed to smile at him.

“I’m saying all of this here now because it recently came to my attention that a lot of people who claim to be my fans have been attacking this woman that I love online because of her sexuality. It goes far beyond not understanding what asexual means, and has turned into personally attacking her and our relationship. With all eyes on me here tonight, I wanted to say that anyone who would say these awful things about her, about us, are not real fans of mine. Any fan of mine would respect the people I love, and would respect my relationships. You don’t need to completely understand what being asexual means, but not understanding doesn’t mean you get to be disrespectful to anyone who identifies as asexual. And if you want to open your mouth to insult this amazing woman stood next to me, then you can just shut the fuck up and stop pretending to be my fan.”

I finally dared to look at the audience. I was mostly blinded by the stage lights, but I could pick out a variety of emotions throughout the room; interest, shock, some nodding in agreement. I was certainly shocked. Marshall was a very private person. I don’t think he had ever spoken publicly about our relationship before. I would post the odd photo of us every now and then, or I’d share on my Instagram story whenever he made new music or had something coming up. But neither of us had ever spoken this candidly about our relationship before. Especially not at such a widely watched event.

Marshall thanked everyone and the audience applauded. It was a bit tentative at first, but eventually the applause was grew as he put his arm around me and walked of the stage. Dre was still waiting in the sidelines, looking just as shocked as I felt but still took a moment to congratulate Marshall.

“I can’t believe that did that,” I finally said once it was just the two of us.

“Are you mad that I did?” he asked.

I shook my head, but then paused. “I mean, I don’t think so. I’m kind of feeling a lot of emotions.”

He took my hands in his and pulled me towards him. “I’m sorry I surprised you like that, but I knew if I talked to you about it first you would’ve told me not to do it.”

“Of course I would’ve! Marshall, this is your big night. I wouldn’t have wanted you to take away from your own success just because some internet trolls were getting to me.”

“Nothing was taken away from me. Not to me, anyways. I still put on a hell of a show, I still got inducted into the Hall of Fame. I just decided to use this platform to address what was happening with you as well, because you don’t deserve the bullshit you’ve been going through. I’m not naïve enough to think that it’ll stop completely now that I’ve spoken on it, because I know that’s just not how the internet works. But I wasn’t going to stand by and let you be hurt without saying anything. You don’t deserve that.”

I felt some tears pricking my eyes. I tried to blink them away, but it was no use. So, I leaned in quickly and pressed a kiss against Marshall’s lips.

“I guess you’re not mad then,” he teased when I pulled away

“I’m not mad,” I confirmed. “Actually, I am a little. You could’ve given me a heads up that you wanted me to be on stage with you. I’m going to look so stupid in all the videos because I look terrified to be stood there.”

He laughed and pulled me into a hug. “You’ll get over it eventually. Let’s go back to our table before the next inductee is on.”

[autumnsxxangel]

SandRay are an homage to Wong Kar-Wai's Happy Together and in this essay I will..

...actually explain it because I see people catching his homage's to Western queer media, but not really his shout outs to Eastern queer media.

I assumed there would be allusions to Happy Together when I first saw the trailer, but this last episode centered around Ray really cemented it for me. After all, why would P'Jojo reference all these Western queer shows and not talk about what is probably the most iconic piece of Eastern queer media ever?

Wong Kar-Wai & Happy Together

For some background information, Wong Kar-Wai is a famous and insanely influential Hong Kong filmmaker. If you're a film nerd, you probably know who he is and recognize his style. If you like film and metas, I would recommend watching some of his stuff because afterwards, you'll realize just how much influence he still has on modern media, especially in Asia. Stylistically, he's known for rich color grading; thematic usage of music; an unending sense of nostalgia, heartbreak, and missed opportunities; and dialogue that mean nothing on the surface because everything meaningful is boiling just under, left unsaid (If you've watched Everything Everywhere, All At Once, the entire actress universe sequence was an homage to Wong Kar-Wai). His actors always do a phenomenal job because so much of what they need to portray can't be communicated through words. It makes sense why SandRay, aka FirstKhao, were chosen to represent Happy Together as they are the strongest actors out of the group.

Happy Together, simply summarized, is about two men, Ho Po-Wing and Lai Yiu-Fai, who are in a very tumultuous relationship. They end up in Argentina because they wanted to visit the waterfall that's on a lamp that they own. They get lost, end up using all their money, and have to figure out a way to get back to Hong Kong. While there, they break up, get back together, and break up again.

The movie was released in 1997 and is still ranked as one of the best queer movies of all time. The two main characters are played by Tony Leung and Leslie Cheung. You might recognize Tony Leung as Simu Liu's dad in Shang-Chi. Leslie Cheung was in Farewell, My Concubine, and was famously a bisexual man with a long term male partner. This is significant because it was virtually unheard of to be out and open at that time (he made his relationship public in 1997 though he had mentioned bisexuality in earlier years), especially in Hong Kong which was, and still is, very homophobic. Leslie received a lot of hate for his sexuality and androgyny. (If you're interested in learning more about Leslie as a queer Asian figure, this is a good video essay that goes over his work and his life).

Sand as Lai Yiu-Fai

Fai's, and in turn Sand's, character can be summed up by one line, "One thing I never told Ho Po-Wing was that I didn't want him to recover so fast. Those were our happiest days."

Both Fai and Sand are very static, straightforward characters. They stay above board for the most part and work a variety of jobs to survive. They have their morals about what is right and wrong, which unfortunately is both of their downfalls.

In Happy Together, Wing breaks up with Fai because he is bored with the relationship. He basically says, "I'm bored being with you. Let's break up. If we happen to meet again, we can try again." Then he leaves Fai stranded on the side of a highway.

Later, he reappears in Fai's life. The first encounter is a fight, much like Sand and Ray's first meeting in the bathroom. The second encounter is because Wing gets beaten up. He goes to Fai because he knows Fai will feel obligated to take care of him and he does. It becomes the beginning of their rekindled relationship.

Similarly, Sand has a strong sense of obligation. There are already metas out there about how Sand has a bit of a hero complex. He sees Ray too drunk to drive and he had to step in. He doesn't just take the keys and order a taxi. No, he takes the keys and drives Ray. Sand sees Ray being all sad and pathetic and he can't stop himself from helping. It makes him feel useful. It makes him feel needed.

Both of these men are caretakers. They show affection by providing care. Sand ends up cooking for Ray just as Fai cooks for Wing even when he's sick. As an added bonus, they both make fried rice.

Both Sand and Fai are characters that stand completely still. Ray and Wing always know where to find them. Sand can always be found at YOLO and Fai is at his apartment. Because of this, Ray and Wing come and go as they please. They know that Sand and Fai will take them back...until they finally don't.

Ray as Ho Po-Wing

Starting on a base level, both characters are bratty, needy, promiscuous, spoiled, and selfish. But most importantly, they both share a love of fluffy cardigans.

(I also have a theory they keep putting Ray in wife beaters as an homage to the 90's HK cinema style because otherwise...I just don't understand why, as a rich asshole, he's always in wife beaters. By Thai BL logic, he should be in shirts with too many buttons unbuttoned.)

Wing and Ray are both the ones controlling the pace and direction of the relationship. They come when they need someone to nurture their wounds, both physically and metaphorically. They leave when they're bored or have things they deem more important. They both initiate intimacy and won't take no for an answer.

Wing does this by first trying to join Fai on the couch and then chasing after him to the bed and begging him to let them sleep together.

Ray does it by continuously getting Sand to get in the car with him and then using his puppy dog eyes.

They are both also very, very pouty.

Wing's line is "We could start over". He says it every time he comes back after he's the one that ends the relationship. Fai always fights taking him back, but he always does it anyway.

Ray doesn't really have a line yet (unless you count his "na na naa~"s) but he bats his eyelashes and so far Sand has given into him every time. Sand keeps trying to set boundaries, but the moment Ray begs a little bit, Sand crumbles like a house of cards and lets Ray have whatever he wants.

Relationship Parallels

Wong Kar-Wai is known for making movies about star crossed lovers who are meant for each other, but aren't meant to be together.

Like Wing and Fai, Sand and Ray fill in each other's cracks in a way that complements each other. However, because of the nature of the cracks themselves, them complementing each other is exactly what makes the relationship so toxic. One stays and one goes. One takes and one gives. One is steady and one is flighty.

Most of what I wanted to say about the parallels between their relationships is in the character comparison. What I'm more interested in is the future of SandRay's relationship, especially if they continue to parallel Wing and Fai's in Happy Together.

Obviously, Wing and Fai don't end up together at the end. It wouldn't be a Wong Kar-Wai movie if they did. What is interesting is that Fai's relationship with Wing eventually pushes him into becoming something angry and spiteful. Once Wing heals, Fai knows that he'll become bored and want to leave. In an attempt to get him to stay, he steals and hides Wing's passport which is insane because they are both gay men stuck in a foreign country where they don't speak the language.

Wing, of course, leaves anyway.

There is also a third character, Chang, whom Fai ended up liking. These new feelings are what eventually pushes Fai to leave Argentina and move on from Wing and move on with his life.

The question is, if SandRay follows that same path as Happy Together, what will be the passport that Sand tries to hold over Ray and who will be Sand's Chang?

Stylistic Parallels

Smoking

Making Ray and Sand smoke is definitely an homage to Happy Together with the added bonus of being a metaphor. For the most part, we rarely see characters, especially main characters, smoke in Asian media because smoking is reserved for 'bad' characters.

Cigarettes in Happy Together represent boredom. Fai and Wing smoke at the beginning before they rekindle their relationship because they are just moving through life. Once Fai and Wing get back together, cigarettes stop making an appearance. It isn't until their relationship started deteriorating that we see the men smoking again.

This can also be said about Sand Ray's relationship. They started their 'involvement' with cigarettes. However, the last time we actually see them smoking is in ep 2 right before they hook-up. Since then, we have not seen either of them smoking. This probably means that we'll see one or both of them smoking again when their relationship starts to break down.

(In the preview for ep 5, there is an ashtray in the background on the balcony so let's see if Boston finding out about them is a catalyst for them to start breaking down.)

And of course, there is the added homoeroticism of asking for a light.

Ray's Opening and Closing Scenes

Ray's episode is really what made me go "I see you P'Jojo".

Ray's episode starts with a shot of him isolated and in emotional pain. The camera is claustrophobically close and it keeps moving around. He has a little voiceover opening. It's calm, it's contemplative, it's a little existential, and it is irrevocably sad. If that is not a Wong Kar-Wai staple, then idk what is. Even the song that starts playing gives me 80s, 90s Cantopop vibes.

Ray talks about how Mew being his emergency contact and the one he goes to. Fai talks about how Wing always comes back to him and says "Let's start over".

The movie and the episode ends with both of them once again isolated, alone. They've been through an emotional journey and they've technically moved on. But there's always the idea of not being able to fully let go in Wong Kar-Wai's movie. So just like how Fai has physically removed himself from Wing, but not emotionally, has Ray actually fully removed himself from Mew?

Cinematography

Then there's just a collection of scenes that reminded me very heavily of Happy Together and Wong Kar-Wai's style. I would have added pictures from his other movies for comparison, but Tumblr only lets me put 30 images in a post and I don't want to make a 2nd post.

This scene is specifically from the 1st trailer so I hope they keep it in the show.

This one I call the inevitability of falling. Both Sand and Fai realize they're fully committed to their decision to take care of Ray and Wing here.

The end title card

Actually, all of the end title cards give very Wong Kar-Wai vibes. Look at that saturated, neon color grading. Look at the elongated shots. The intense feeling of isolation.

I'm assuming we'll get all the characters at one point, but so far it looks like the end credit cards indicate who the narrator of each episode is.

Anyway, that's it for me! Sorry it was so long and rambling. I tried to organize my thoughts but as I was thinking, more thoughts would pop up and I'd get distracted. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

[wisecrackingeric-2]

LONG ASS MESSAGE UNDER CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! I’ll tag everyone whose made a star for this drawing in the replies- if I’ve missed anyone or if you wanna be added, PLEASE LET KNOW!!!!!!!

At the time of writing this, there’s about 40 minutes let of 2023, and I’m VERY DETERMINED to get this posted before 2024 so I am in a bit of a rush so alas, this may not be as well-written as I’d like it to be but that’s the price I must pay alas HDNEHENEJDN

I wanna start this by saying I’ve always had a lot of anxieties surrounding the New Years, and things changing- even just seeing posts that were from the year prior always seems to give me anxiety. Things change, people move on, while I stay with the same interests- it’s always been something I’ve struggled with, but making this has helped me come to terms with all of that and I’m glad.

Theres no better words I can say right now other than; Thank You. Thank you so, so, SO much to my friends, both new and old- my friends who’ve been here since the very beginning and have stuck by me through this whole rollercoaster- and to all of my new friends, who it sometimes feels like I’ve known you all for at LEAST five years and not like, five months or something HDBWHNWUDNDHDJS thank you to everyone who has ever been kind to me, supported me and enjoyed what I’ve created- I’ve recieved probably the kindest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life this year. Thank you to the people who stuck by me when times got tough and helped me through my own seemingly very insignificant or silly problems HDNEJENSK

This year has easily been one of the best years of my life. 2022, to keep it short, was awful- I came out as a Transgender gay man to my parents and it went awful. I was dealing with the worst mental health of my entire life and there were times it felt like there was no hope. On top of all of that, my childhood dog passed away- so all and all, I wasn’t looking forward to the future. But my loving partner introduced me to Resident Evil, and as a result the community as a whole- and to say it changed my life would be an understatement.

I know it’s obviously no secret that I have a favourite character, Luis Serra Navarro- but to say his character has changed me as a person for the better would also be a MASSIVE understatement. I’ve never ever in my entire life resonated with a character so profoundly before- as a queer and trans man, I saw myself reflected in his performance, and that means more to me than words can even describe. His character encapsulated me in a way no other has done before, and genuinely helped me accept my autism, my queerness and my trans identity as a good thing- I could write absolutely ESSAYS on his character and I have. I’ve consumed more Don Quixote media than I think I ever would have otherwise HDNEHENEJD and to say I’ve genuinely become a more confident and happier person because of his character would, again, be SUCH an understatement. It’s truly hard to describe how much he means to me, but I hope my words give a good idea.

For the first time in a very, very long time, I get to look forward to my future. I don’t see my Queerness or my Trans identity as a setback anymore; I have things to look forward to, plans I’ve made and a future I can look towards. And I cannot thank my friends- all of you know who you are- André and Andrea and everyone in my life and this small little community I’ve unintentionally formed for giving me that opportunity. Words will never be able to describe how grateful I truly am, but I hope this is close enough.

Thank you for letting me fully indulge in my autism and enjoy Luis’ character to the fullest. I’ve never felt happier enjoying something in my entire life.

Thank you everyone. For everything. May you all successfully defeat your own windmills <3

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Michelangelo Signorile at The Signorile Report:

There have been many postmortems on the outcome of the election for Democrats, looking at how certain minority groups voted—and how they supposedly shifted their vote��but there’s been very little written about one particular minority group: LGBTQ voters. And yet, in context, LGBTQ voters displayed the kind of influence as a bloc that politicians should be paying attention to moving forward. I suspect part of the reason they’ve not been focused on is because these voters don’t fit an overwhelming corporate media narrative that positions Donald Trump as having broadened and diversified his coalition—because LGBTQ people actually went the other way. According to the NBC News Exit Poll, LGBTQ people doubled their share of the electorate, from 4% in 2020 to 8% in 2024, which is nothing to sneeze at. (Researchers have shown the percentage of the LGBTQ population appears to be roughly equal in all of the states.) And 86% of LGBTQ people voted for Kamala Harris—well over 10 million voters—a big increase from the 71% who voted for Joe Biden in 2020. Donald Trump saw a sharp decline in support from LGBTQ voters, from 25% in 2020 to just 14% in 2024.

[...]

But regarding LGBTQ voters, the shift in the national exit polling is big enough—and the growth in the percentage of the electorate is large enough—to assume that something happened. While many other groups moved toward Trump a bit—or saw less turnout in some places—LGBTQ people went in the opposite direction. I believe a few things came into play. The toxic masculinity that marked the Trump campaign was as threatening to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people as it is to many women. (Harris overwhelmingly won Black women, and, though Trump won white women, Harris did better with white women than Biden did in 2020). The Trump campaign’s bro culture on steroids, exemplified by the white supremacist elements of Trump’s base as well as among the many young right-wing and even independent male podcasters Trump courted, often telegraphed homophobia and transphobia. Even when it wasn’t overt, it sent a message that you’re not included if you’re queer. And the blatant anti-trans messaging from Trump and the GOP—and the vicious ads they aired in media markets—horrified almost the entire LGBTQ community.

[...]

First off, as far as many in Trump’s base are concerned—including the aggressively anti-LGBTQ Christian right—there is no “normal” gay anything. They believe we’re all abnormal—freaks and sinners. Secondly, the idea that some great majority of queer people—or the “normal gay guys”—would vote for Trump because they were eager to throw trans people under the bus is clearly false. I’m not saying all cisgender gay, lesbian, and bisexual people support all trans people—there are fissures, as there are in any movement—but I believe most do, understanding the clear connections we have about our bodies and our privacy and about how those who hate us view us.

Beyond that, Trump and the justices he put on the Supreme Court are a threat to marriage equality and anti-discrimination laws protecting gay, bi and lesbian people, especially in public accommodations. Kamala Harris, meanwhile, was marrying gay couples going back to 2004 as a district attorney in San Francisco—before being shut down by the California Supreme Court—and enforced protections as California attorney general while being outspoken as a U.S. senator. The other thing I would say is that queer people know a fascist when they see one. They know what it’s like to be scapegoated. And, if they know their history, they know the brutality and violence LGBTQ people experienced in the past at the hands of strongmen. So do Jews, of course, who also voted overwhelmingly for Harris—by 79%—which must have angered Trump, who demanded their vote at rallies and even berated them, claiming they owed it to him for his support of Israel.

While most demographics moved to the right this election to varying degrees, this key demographic swung left: the LGBTQ+ community.

This is due to the fact that LGBTQ+ issues got more attention this election, thanks to the GOP’s hate-fueled anti-LGBTQ+ (and especially anti-trans) campaigning.

[ladyloveandjustice]

List of "Does it Like Women" Results and whether I agree

I find the "Does it like women" blog fascinating, as y'all have probably noticed. I always tend to think deeply about this topic when I consume media, so I wanted to make a list of results I disagree with, because it interests me! I'll likely be updating this through reblogs if my interest doesn't wane, I'll make a note in the replies when I do!

Loves Women

I agree with all of these so far! Well, loves women might be a little bit of a stretch for the first Spiderverse movie (on the other hand...doc ock...hnnn), but I think the second does so yeah basically agree.

Likes Women

Kill la Kill- Man it's 2013 again and I'm seeing tumblr make powerpoints about how klk is deeply feminist and it's actually a super deep critique of harassment that Ryuko has to wear the ugliest outfit ever and Westerners Don't Understand (person making this argument is inevitably a Westerner).

Yeah, based on the part I've seen and everything I've heard, hard disagree. But I have not seen the whole thing, just those three, I do know the part I saw included rape jokes a plenty, a weird victim-blamey take on "not being ashamed" of being forced into a skimpy outfit and how if you're bothered by men ogling you that's your weakness, and a vagina wedgie. I'm not as mad about it as I was back then,and I can appreciate the show has it's good points later on. Not having watched it also means my knowledge is incomplete. However, I have listened to really in depth breakdowns of the series (mainly Anifem's podcast), so I know exactly what happens, and yeah, the treatment of women doesn't impress me. I'm on the dislike side, (holding back on hates because again, haven't seen all of it)

...could understand mixed feelings though, I guess

Madoka- I'd definitely go more towards mixed feelings honestly (especially if we're counting Rebellion) but I get the people who say "likes".

Yuri is my Job- it loves women, it loves messy women, it loves women who love women, it loves them so much, idk why it got a sizeable no vote. People who only watched the first ep? People who think yuri is "bad"?

Mob Psycho 100- Someone in the notes says "accidentally likes women" and that's the only answer in the "likes women" area I'll accept. It has 10 million prominent male characters and like three prominent female characters. ONE really really obviously has a hard time imagining women as powerful or action heroes. (this is reflected in One Punch Man too) (One Punch Man actively hates women and queer people though, Mob is infinitely better) Only one who ever gets to fight and play with the boys, and she's a low level mook, and we have to spend 75% percent of her limited screentime on whether it's actually okay to fight women, with her winning argument being "Well you're literally a child so I guess it evens out" (???) The little girl with the evil dolls gets even less screentime.

I do like that the series examines how Mob idealized Takane and how people not caring about the real her made her tired, as well as how it allowed her to reject Mob and was basically a lesson in the importance of accepting rejection. But her screentime is also really limited, and I feel like we could have dove into her a lot more. Tome is a wonderful weird girl and I liked her little arc, and I hear she gets more in the Reigen manga, but still not a TON of screentime, and even with her there are a couple jabs about how she doesn't "count" as a girl due to not acting traditionally feminine we're clearly supposed to find funny. Emi is...there I guess. There's that sweet scene with the writer girl, and the bully girl, but they're like, not reoccurring at all, as evidenced by how I can't remember their names.

And uh. the girls school episode.

Anyway. Hot take but I don't think "they're barely in the story but when they are two of them are treated pretty decently and have some depth, though there is some weird stuff about whether women can even fight men or whatever" really counts as "likes women". I'd go more mixed feelings.

Life is Strange-out of the two options I chose dislikes, but my feelings are a lot closer to "mixed feelings". I go into why here.

Gushing Over Magical Girls- lol. lmao even. The anime about middle school girls who look 8 sexually assaulting other middle school girls DEFINITELY doesn't like women. I go into more detail here.

Cowboy Bebop: Mixed feelings, probably. I chose dislikes because yes, Faye and Ed are great (you could def read Ed as nb though), but Faye also is repeatedly damsel in distress'd and treated as incompetent in her field when I don't think she should be, she can be a failgirl without being the sole woman in the action side of the group and also the least capable (there's also That Scene in the movie). also i just. it's fine that she's sexy but I hate her outfit. give her something nicer looking, it's so ugly. But my main reason for a dislike vote is the treatment of Julia. Girl is a textbook example of fridging. They really gave her so little. But yeah I could see mixed feelings.

Also do you remember that one scene during Faye's tragic backstory where she's hospitalized and the camera requires us to look down her super (painful looking? like idk how she's not screaming about it) squished boobs during this tense and important moment god that took me out. whenever anyone acts like Faye always owns her sexiness and the camera never does anything I remember that scene.

Ranma 1/2: I've seen read a good chunk of it, and this result is...surprising. Maybe by the standards of 80's manga though, who knows.

Better Call Saul- I did vote yes on this one, but I'd put it more at mixed feelings. Kim is a fantastic character, but there aren't enough women on the show at all. She's a major part of the show, but basically the only one of any note. I only voted yes because I finally remembered Francesca was a reoccurring character and she's all right, but the fact I had to think to remember...

Undead Unluck: I know it gets a lot better later but I'm not sure if a work that has it's female character continuously and comically sexually harassed for the first few chapters can ever get liking women privileges. I don't know enough about it but it might be a mixed feelings situation.

Akiba Maid War: tbh I'd probably give this 'loves women'.

Ducktales: For the second season specifically I'd say "loves women". The first season leans more towards 'like women' though, so it evens out.

Mixed Feelings

Dracula- IIII definitely think it dislikes women, sorry guys. Mina is a great character and you do have to take it in the context of when it was written. But there are surely contemporaries of Bram Stoker that wouldn't have randomly gone out of their way to scoff at the "New Woman". Not to mention again, really random sidebars about how men are so much smarter and cooler and women should be grateful to them. I could go on about Lucy and how Mina is treated and whether that's a critique of sexism or just playing into it and how it's so open to interpretation but I'll stop here.

also the book is hugely anti- Romani, immigrant etc and I think that ties into disliking women since some women are those Romani and immigrants

It really really felt like a case where a lot of people in the Drac Daily tag just wanted it to be super feminist because they liked it (you can like things without having to make them feminist! it's fine!), and the way they scoffed at feminist scholars who had "surface level readings" of the text (aka they dared to say it was sexist) still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The Lego Movie: dislikes women. what are y'all on. Even it's own sequel calls it out for disliking women. Wildstyle is basically the only woman with real characterization and she's the purest concentration of "hypercompetent woman must play second fiddle to Average Male loser who is the one who actually saves the world and also she falls in love with him because of course she does'. Then Wonder Woman got one line (in literally the first theatrical move she got to even be in) and Superman and Batman a lot of screen time.

Does not like

Scott Pilgrim- Don't get this result, I'd put it at likes or mixed feelings? It's literally about how Scott has weird issues with women where he doesn't see them as to full people they are, and it calls him out on that hard. The whole sixth volume is how he made up a damsel in distress scenario for Kim and always took her for granted, how he put all the blame on Envy for the end of their relationship when he played a huge role in that, Knives finally getting over him, moving on, and telling him he needs to grow up a little (highlighting how his grossness towards her was him refusing to accept that he was an adult now, and that he was horrible to her, and yes he does apologize), and accepting that he and Ramona are both messed up people and she's just as flawed as he is, taking down the pedestal he put her on. And having Ramona triumphantly confront her abuser. Scott acknowledges he has a lot in common with Gideon, the supervillain!

Roxy is a sticking point, the whole 'it was a phase thing' and her and Ramona's relationshipbeing unexplored was annoying (fixed in Takes Off) but even she had some moments of pathos and was definitely the (Ramona's) ex the story seemed to sympathize with the most.

I dunno. this seems like a tumblr lacks media literacy thing again. Did you think the narrative agrees with Scott. Did you only watch the movie.

Succession- I'd go more mixed feelings? Dislikes is fine, I think it doesn't have enough women and often privileges male characters over them, but sometimes it's examination of the sexism Shiv faces is really incisive, and she's a complex character. But she should have gotten that abortion.

Watchmen: hates women actually. Pretty much anything written by Alan Moore does.

Persona 4: I think it hates women actually. But dislike is fine too.

Merlin: Everything I've heard about the show puts in in the hates camp rather than dislikes, but i never watched it (I did watch this video on it, and the bootlicking is out of this world if it's accurate) so I can't really comment

Fables: I cannot fathom how this did not get "hates women". Not just the fact it's written by a known misogynist. I will always remind everyone that I was literally there to see Bill Willingham say the female fans protesting the misogynist treatment of Stephanie Brown were annoying and he wishes he could shoot them. I was there. I heard him. This attitude completely shows up in his work. On top of that, his conservative, women hating idealogy all over this comic. Do you not remember all the random abortion soapboxes and how hard Snow White got sidelined????

And when I refreshed my memory, I discovered the reason Snow White had kids when she didn't want to was because a spell made her have sex with the male lead and she didn't even remember that happening. I also forgot that her backstory was the seven dwarfs raped her (but then she murdered them! Girl Power!) This is only the tip of the iceberg, I rediscovered way too many screwed up things he did to his female characters. Plus blatant Zionist propaganda and a ton of racism.

Like Snow White's backstory was some dark and edgy rape revenge and she's an Empowered Woman now, only to have her be raped by the man she will marry (in a mutual rape) but we don't call it that, and now she has kids she doesn't want, she can't get an abortion because It's Evil, time to quit her job she's proud of and move to a farm to have six kids.

iCarly-- It hates women! Dan Schneider. That should be all we need but some people in the comments insisted on separating the art from the artist despite the fact the artist is ALL OVER the art, and said art directly tormented Jeanette McCurdy! There was so much content in the show that was there to specifically torment her-- the fact her character has a food addiction/eating disorder while she had a real life eating disorder and they had to have known this, the fact after hearing she had a crush on an actor then they wrote it into her character to humiliate her, the fact they continually sexualized her while knowing her discomfort with it and with her body-- I have also watched the exhaustive basically minute-by-minute breakdown by QuintonReviews. Some gross shit happens on that show.

Hates Women

Agree with all of these so far!

[sage-lights]

This is so random, but hearing Shayne talk about Sword AF in the Smosh After Dark Q&A gave me a sense of closure. I'd already accepted that they weren't gonna do a season 3, but to hear him sort of confirm what I was thinking happened (that it was a lot work and time and too little return on investment, despite the fact that they loved doing it), I feel ready to leave the charred remains of my beloved piece of media buried in the ground.

I think BAF Legacy was able to have a proper send-off because the story was already written by somebody else and it had a definite ending with an already expected finite number of episodes, whereas Sword AF didn't really have an end in sight so the series fizzling out was sort of inevitable. I'm sad about it, but at the end of the day, I still get to see Shayne, Chanse, Damien, Amanda, and Angela work together and as fans we get to experience how BAF Legacy and Sword AF shifted all 5 of their relationships to one another to a cozier, sweeter space y'know? (I'm thinking specifically of Shayne and Angela becoming one of my favorite duos ever through Sword AF)

Like, BAF Legacy is where I first saw that Amanda and Shayne really clicked and it's what made me so excited when I saw that they were hosting Smosh Mouth together! To this day, the 5 of them- all together, give or take other cast members- is my personal favorite lineup. I loved the series so much so I WANT there to be something more dramatic and final (?) to its end than it just not being a sustainable series to produce, but sometimes that's all there is.

I am not ready to watch Smosh vs. Zombies yet, but I've seen what people say online, and I already know that Amanda and Courtney have a queer-coded codependent friendship thing going on and I will absolutely eat it up I love Courtmanda and I ADORE wlw pining. COURTMANDA WLW PINING? I won!! Sorry that was such a long message!!!! TLDR: I loved Sword AF but it's gone and that's okay. I ship courtmanda.

hi anon! thank you for coming to my inbox and chatting 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ (under the cut are my thoughts because it gets LONG)

i said a lot of my own thoughts in the tags of this reblog, but i think that beyond saf taking a lot of effort without a lot of return, i don't think enough people were really batting for it. i know amanda's talked about loving it, angela and chanse play dnd in their own time, shayne always wanted to get into dnd, and damien is obviously the one with the most passion as the dm. but when push comes to shove, i think the cast rather put their time into things like bit city because it's closer to that kind of true improv that they love.

characters i think also contributed to the longevity of shows. baf legacy let them change character every episode, but saf leaves them "stuck" in the same character for seasons on end. reoccurring characters at smosh are never as serious as the saf characters and maybe the cast just didn't vibe with it as much?

you should def give smosh vs zombies a watch when you come around to it. though i love long ttrpg series, it seems like a good middle ground between fans of ttrpg and what smosh likes to do. and yes, the courtmanda/gracevannah goes HARD!!! i adore them!!!!

if you poke around my blog, you see i started to post a lot about d20 and dropout recently. that's honestly just me filling the void that saf left behind and it's working! hoping that one day a smosh cast member will end up in the dome! that would make my little ttrpg heart soooooo happy!

[jovenshires]

endless au edits: smosh theatre's seasonal lineup (2/4)

keeping up with the run of smosh classics, smosh's second production of the year will be a rendition of little shop of horrors in the spring, directed by the other esteemed smosh co-founder, ian hecox. as per usual, any hecox production is certain to be a delicious twist of comedy and tragedy, and this show fits that descriptor to the t. packed to the brim with bright and colorful costumes, elaborate props, and punchy dark humor, little shop makes perfect sense for a director well-known for finding the bright spots in the darkness (and vice versa). with his trusty stage manager sidekick and previous fellow director, spencer agnew, by his side, hecox is sure to make this musical a hit. as for the cast, fans will be delighted to see smosh's resident powerhouse courtney miller as audrey, a hopeless romantic with a heart of gold. miller is not only a vocal and theatrical legend, but also both nonbinary and queer, something they noted that they hope to bring to the role of audrey. miller shared the news on twitter earlier today, saying, "i cannot wait to bring to you this fantastic person i've gotten to know over these past few months. i've put a little piece of myself into her, and i just want you all to know this is our best, gayest show to date." smosh certainly leaned into this idea by making her leading man fellow queer actor and fan-favorite funnyman, tommy bowe. bowe has been with smosh for seven years now; over that time, he's gone from lighting director to bit-part actor to, finally, leading man. this will be the first smosh show bowe's ever taken the lead on, and as i know firsthand from working with him on several other theater productions, no one deserves it more. bowe also shared the news to his social media today, saying on his instagram that this is "a dream come true." we previously saw bowe and miller side-by-side in last year's production of les miserables as thenardier and madame thenardier respectively. as you may recall from my review, the two than proved that they have electrically fun chemistry and excellent comedic prowess, which is extremely promising for this production. i, for one, couldn't be happier for them, and i cannot wait to see how queer this show can really get. other than the two incredible leads, this may be one of the most interesting and unique casts smosh has ever assembled. starring in his first feature role at smosh is trevor evarts as orin scrivello, dds, audrey's controlling, masochistic boyfriend. known for his previous (and part-time continuing) work at the mythic playhouse, evarts is a mangenue on the rise to stardom, and this show is the perfect launchpad for his career. in an interview posted today with theater weekly, evarts said that he was "so excited to join the cast," stating boldly that, in his opinion, "smosh is the future of theater." as trevor's talent is so evidently rooted in his quick-witted, raunchy comedy, there is no doubt in my mind that evarts will make the perfect killer dentist. you know how the saying goes, though; something old, something new. thus, it should be no surprise that we will see two returning faces to the smosh stage, specifically mari takahashi (audrey ii) and joshua ovenshire (mr. mushnik). after nearly four years of absence, the two original cast members are returning for a much-anticipated reunion with the smosh crew. since their original leave, takahashi and ovenshire have worked together on several minor productions, as well as beginning their own podcast. today's episode confirmed that they would be making their re-debut on the smosh stage, discussing why they left and, more importantly, why they're coming back. as an actor, takahashi is known for her rich singing voice and commanding presence on stage, while ovenshire's specialty lies in physical humor and over-exaggerated personas. i can't think of better additions to this cast - although it will certainly be interesting to see how well the old blood blends with the new...

[smaeemo]

Supernatural season 16

For me personally I think that a spn s16 could either be revolutionary or devastating. We all saw the ending and that in itself was a huge let down for so many reasons that I will not get into right now, but the idea of a s16 has the potential to be literally a revolutionary part of modern and past media or absolute dog shit, and I think everyone involved knows that. Supernatural in itself had such accidental potential in so many ways SPECIFICALLY WITH DESTIEL (doy), but I think that in general if the writers were to actually explore it like it had been the plan the whole time it could change the way we as people see media as a whole. For a show like supernatural that started out the way it did as a show made for men about men by men in 2005, having a queer validation and entire season based on queer understanding and/or healthy male relationships while also approaching the idea of interpersonal relationships because they are in heaven and can talk to everyone in the way that they should have been able to in the show, that would change the way that fantasy shows are measured. Right now, more than anything queer teens need to be shown that they are valid in so many ways, with everytung that is happening in congress and the ever encroachin tiktok ban, having more representation on TV is what we as queer youth need. However that is also a reason as to why they may not give us that, exactly because of how political it can get, and CW is also like #dying so that's not great (lol). But ingeneral (now I'm just rambling, but I swear there is some coherent points in here), I Think that trying to do this canonically could be revolutionary. But if its just another big bad, I don't want it. Well I do. Because I am an addict to that horrible media. But you get the point.

I feel a bit insecure talking about SPN like this given that I wasn't even 1 when the first season came out lol. And I have only been in the fandom/a fan of the show for 5 years.. But you know I am always looking to expand, so yykyk..

Alright. love you lots.

XOXO

[honourablejester]

Okay, normally this wouldn’t be something I’d go near at all, but I saw some things fly past my dash on the new James Somerton youtube controversy, and I vaguely remembered watching one of the guy’s videos a while back (I can’t actually remember which one, I just remember he was talking about growing up in a poor town where people were paid under the table as a regular fact of life? I can’t remember the topic, which maybe says something about the dude’s presentation style). So I got curious and watched first hbomberguy’s plagiarism video and then Todd in the Shadow’s misinformation video on the guy. The basic takeaway of which appears to be that 90% of his output is stolen, and the parts that aren’t are often wildly incorrect instead. Anyway. I realise this is a weird thing to get hung up on given the much more serious issues of, you know, plagiarism and theft and misogyny and frankly astonishing opinions on queer history, but …

There’s a section in Todd’s video (around 1.25.00) about Somerton’s interpretations of various vampire media from his video on ‘Vampires and the Gays that love them’, and I got to ‘Gary Oldman was the first fuckable Dracula’, and … what?

It’s around 38.10 in Somerton’s video, and the full quote is as follows:

“Again, the significant element here is how readily Coppola depicts a vampire who fucks, whereas Dracula is more prominently depicted as a reclusive humanoid monster. From Nosferatu, Plan Nine from Outer Space, Salem’s Lot, the Last Voyage of the Demeter, this figure has almost exclusively been painted white, and shown with clownishly monstrous features. But Coppola creates a monster for whom the audience looks at and completely understands what Mina is so horny about.”

I’m going to leave out everything else he says about Coppola’s Dracula, because … wow, there’s a lot of interesting opinions in there, but …

Christopher Lee. And Bela fucking Lugosi.

The man cannot be unaware of the two single most famous depictions of Dracula ever put on film, right? Dracula has been ‘more prominently depicted’ as the Nosferatu-inspired Count Orlok type monstrosities, and Coppola’s is the first ‘sexy Dracula’ on film? Like. What?

As Todd says, anyone even passingly aware of Dracula films is gonna go … Hammer? Universal? Bela Lugosi. The single portrayal that has been shaping Dracula’s iconography for nearly a literal century? THE film Dracula? The one literally everyone is going to think of?

Like. It’s such a weird choice. If he was going to say something about what you could get away with onscreen now vs in the 60s or 30s, or about the evolving tension between the sexier Draculas vs the more monstrous, which Chris Lee’s Dracula was an element of, a more visceral, animalistic portrayal vs Lugosi’s suave charm, arriving to what Coppola’s could actually explicitly put on the screen, but … This is framed like Universal and Hammer just didn’t exist. At all. It cherry-picks such a weird selection of examples of the Nosferatu style portrayals (and not even of Dracula, just vampires in general), and just flat never mentions the two single most famous Dracula film franchises ever made.

I’m curious what the comment section for this video was like. It’s been locked down now because of the controversy, so I can’t tell, but I’m assuming … I mean, that can’t have flown, right? As Todd says, literally anyone could have picked up on that one.

It’s just such a strange thing to choose to say. There maybe is a fair bit to say about ideas of sexiness in film across different decades, or if he meant that Coppola’s Dracula was the first to literally fuck on screen because of what could be shown in different eras, or even which Dracula he personally found most sexy, but …

Why would you choose to say, with a straight face, that Dracula has most prominently been depicted Nosferatu-style when literally anyone with the remotest knowledge of Dracula is going to point directly at Bela Lugosi and his ninety years worth of imitations and rejections and parodies and rebuttals? Nosferatu is a silent era classic and a periodic cult revival for vampire depictions, but THE movie vampire in popular consciousness is still Lugosi’s suave, sinister European nobleman in classy eveningwear. Any random Joe Soap off the street is gonna know that. Saying the Nosferatu depiction is the most prominent is just flat not true and everyone knows it.

Sorry. Again, I know this is a weird thing to get hung up on, but it’s such a weird choice. I get selective cherry picking of evidence to make your chosen point, but you can’t just ignore the one depiction that literally everyone knows and expect them to just nod along. Right?

Anyway. Weirdness aside. Carry on.

[quartings]

A little story about how I became me:

In the most supportive way I can say it, my thoughts on what people need to hear to become better, and why it's not always obvious.

Like pretty much everyone, I was a dumb teenager many years ago. I grew up in a very conservative environment, without many chances to really hang out with people who weren't also teenage guys either. I was surrounded by a lot of homophobia, sexism, and a lot of people telling jokes that weren't just horribly offensive, but even worse- they were honestly really generic and unfunny. And that's a small part of why I'm here to talk about.

For anyone who followed my blog in its earliest years, you might know I was a huge fan of the Yogscast YouTube group as a teenager. I loved Simon, and Lewis, and Duncan, and Kim, and so many of its members. But there was one member who was quite different from the others- a woman named Zoey.

Zoey Proasheck was one of the first big openly gay YouTubers I think ever. But what made me gravitate to her so much was that while she never downplayed that part of her identity, she promoted the positive stereotype-breaking parts of her personality even more. She's honestly not just one of the nicest content creators I've ever seen, but maybe even the nicest person I've ever seen. (And I know she doesn't like being put on a pedastal because celebrity worship is bad and all people have flaws, but I think her positive actions and impacts should at least speak for themselves) As a dumb teenage guy who at the time had never even met an LGBT person, it was eye-opening experience watching Zoey RP as characters who liked guys, and play kiddie games like Scribblenauts, Pokémon, and Puyo Puyo.

Dumb teenage me would have been under the impression that lesbian YouTubers would only promote queer content. Disclaimer that I'm not promoting the "model minority" argument, minorities are not obligated to act a certain way in order to earn respect or not be bullied. This is just a story about what it took to change me as an individual in a way that may not apply to everyone.

But yeah, just as her straight coworkers played games and expressed their interests that didn't telegraph their sexuality, most of Zoey's content wasn't either. It was nice seeing such an eternally kind, funny, and creative person just enjoy sharing her happiness and creativity with others, and her liking girls was just an added detail. Some highlights include her just joking about wanting to meet pretty girls in Scribblenauts, expressing her love of rainbows, and just saying 'boobs' because it's a funny-sounding word. And those bits while funny, were only a fraction of the overall funny and creative content she made that was for all audiences! Zoey was never a person who was there to lecture others on her identity, or to create content only for people like her. Just because she was queer, it didn't mean she marketed her content only or even mainly for queers- she made it for everyone- I'm happy so many LGBT youth found solace with her, too. But if she did try and make content solely or mainly for queer audiences, myself and others like me would probably have been dissuaded from watching her channel and having our worldview expanded.

But yeah, after watching Zoey for so long, slightly-jerky teenage me had a small space in his heart open up for accepting queer people. Because no matter what harmful stereotypes I saw on TV, no matter how many actual people fit those stereotypes in online spaces or irl, I would always know that if a real queer person as eternally kind and funny as Zoey could exist, being LGBT couldn't possibly be the factor that makes people "bad" as all the fearmongers say.

This next part will probably be tough to hear for a lot of people, but I don't think representation in media matters the way many people think it does- at least, not in the realm of animation and acting.

What I mean by that is, I was raised on well-written and amazing female protagonists as a kid- Kim Possible, Lilo and Stitch, My Life as a Teenage Robot, The Proud Family, Totally Spies, ATLA, and especially the girls of the Teen Titans. But because I was raised in an environment that was very oppressive towards girls and one that deliberately isolated guys from them, I had no good female presences in my day-to-day life. No amount of strong female characters in media could change the fact that my irl view of girls was shaped by the very conservative and honestly disappointing ideals of the girls around me. It took moving to a vastly different environment where I could interact with less conservative girls for me to start unlearning the misogyny instilled in me during my early teens.

And in the same vein, no amount of fictional LGBT characters would have undone any homophobic beliefs I used to have back then. Because I know such characters aren't real and don't reflect the values of real people around me. What actually contributed a lot to me becoming less homophobic was Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother. If I only grew up on gay actors being allowed to play gay characters, my mind would never have been allowed to separate them from the shallow stereotypes I was taught as a teen. Neil Patrick doing such a great job of playing a caricature of a hilariously cartoonish straight guy allowed me to see that gay people aren't bound to always acting "gay". Their sexuality doesn't control their day-to-day behaviour. While such things are obviously clear to people who are also LGBT, I think we easily forget how straight people with literally zero experience talking to LGBT folks don't know these things by heart. Barney Stinson being straight was better LGBT representation to me than all other queer characters thanks to Neil Patrick Harris.

I think a lot of today's dumb teenagers are immediately put off listening to minority voices because they oftentimes come across as a "lecturer" or an "enemy". Someone who isn't necessarily evil, but still a person who views them as a "thing to change" or "person to yell at". And it's hard to give a mean person yelling at you the satisfaction of being right, even if they are right. If someone came up to teen me and started exasperatedly telling me how being homophobic made me a bad person (even though that's obviously true), not even yelling at me, teen me would have been off-put by being antagonised and would probably not listen to them. Heck, teen me may have even become more homophobic since this hypothetical irl LGBT supporter was so antagonistic to me, and the idea of being like them would seem off-putting.

EDIT: And I know certain celebrities have recently come under fire for not openly stating their political leanings. And sure, it's probably because they don't wanna get cancelled, or because they have the privilege to be impartial in situations that impact a lot of innocent people, but there's another detail I want to note. At this stage in the game, I wonder if a celebrity coming out as liberal would instantly turn their entire conservative fanbase against them before listening to what they had to say. Sure, it's probably just the celeb covering their ass, but I can't help but think about the silver lining of a conservative viewer hearing their favourite celebrity saying "hey, most people on the other side are chill to talk to, don't be mean to them even if you think they're really annoying" maybe being more impactful if the celeb claimed to be apolitical rather than openly liberal. You can absolutely chew me out for being wrong on this one if you think I am, I'm just speculating.

I don't at all mean to victim-blame anyone here for not being nice enough to bigoted people. Sometimes people are so hateful that no amount of kindness can change them, and you are well within your right to distance yourself from them or fact check them when they spread hate. What I am saying is that nobody likes being lectured. Not on big things like human rights, not on medium things like airplane safety instructions, not even on small things like promotional giveaways sometimes. I think a majority of people who don't support minorities aren't hateful bigots who constantly rant and rave about getting rid of other people. Maybe 10% of them are like that. But the rest of them are just poor isolated folks like teen me was, who just need that one cool person to show, not tell them that kinds of people they've never met can be cool too.

So what does that mean for me? Well, despite the massive amount of rambling I just went on here, I also don't want to be a "lecturer" in the content I make and how I conduct myself in daily life. I know it's difficult, and I've faltered before, and maybe will in the future. But if by some miracle you're a person who dislikes "wokeness" or "things being shoehorned into media" and you've read this far, thanks! I'm not here to tell you you're a bad person, I'm not here to tell you to change, and I'm not going to say any of my content is "not for you". I'm here to make art and comics and animation for everyone to enjoy. If you're feeling down or even just bored, I hope the things I make can make your day even a little better. I'm not a lecturer, and I hope I'm not an enemy - I'm just here to be a friend. I also have some of my biggest animation and comic projects EVER coming soon, and I really hope you like them!

And to people of all demographics, I want to add that if someone ever makes an offensive joke, there's no point yelling at them that it's "offensive" or "bigoted" or "whatever-ist". What's more important is letting that person know that, honestly? That joke ain't it, chief. It's worse than being offensive- it's honestly kind of boring and predictable, dude. Teenage me probably made that joke 10 times over a decade ago, and my classmates probably made that same joke 1000 times. Don't worry though - I've told lame jokes before too, but thankfully I took the L and my jokes now are honestly getting way better!

Stay safe out there, okay? I hope your tomorrow is happier than your today!

[bisexualmultifandommess]

It’s time for my favourite girl!

Now I usually headcanon Rose as Bi but recently I’ve been thinking that maybe she’d identify as Pan or maybe be unlabelled because I think Rose would be the type to like someone no matter what they look like but I also think she wouldn’t really put a name to it. I think either works for her.

Rose has always had an interest in men but as she got older started to realise that she liked girls a lot too. The first girl she ever kissed was her friend Shareen when they were both thirteen because they were having fun and wanted to know what it was like and if they would like it. Shareen decided instantly that it wasn’t really for her but Rose realised that she actually didn’t mind the kiss. She didn’t feel anything for her friend but she knew that it wasn’t because she kissed a girl.

For a short while she had a relationship when she was fourteen with a girl who lived a few streets away. Her name was Nell and they used to hang out after school and cuddle at Nell’s. They kept it hidden because neither girl were out yet and eventually they had to break up because Nell and her family moved away. Rose found out years later after social media became more popular that Nell had a girlfriend she started dating a few years after she left and they were expecting a baby. Rose was very happy for them.

She kept it hidden that she liked girls because in the early 2000s it wasn’t as accepted and when she met and started dating Jimmy she didn’t mention it because he didn’t seem the type to accept anything like that. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing that news about her with him but still liked him because she was young and he made her feel pretty. She eventually realised that he wasn’t good for her after all the things he did and with the help of her mum and Mickey she was able to get out and come home.

Rose came out to her mum shortly after and although Jackie was a bit confused at first she eventually came around and became Rose’s biggest supporter. The moment anyone discriminates against her Jackie is furious.

Despite her feelings for The Doctor, Rose definitely found Gwyneth attractive. She felt a connection to her and like she understood her a lot. She didn’t act on anything because she was starting to develop feelings for The Doctor and it was in the past so Gwyneth probably wouldn’t have appreciated Rose being so forward.

The Doctor ended up taking her to the future and the TARDIS had accidentally dropped them off near a pride parade event. The Doctor had been surprised but also happy when Rose was excited about it and he took time to explain all the flags even the ones that in her time weren’t as popular. She felt so happy and safe with him she decided to come out as Queer. At this point in her journey she wasn’t exactly sure what she identified as she just knew she liked men and women. She enjoyed dancing at the event and even got a few souvenirs to take back to her room on the TARDIS. She had her photo taken in front of one of the pride signs with The Doctor next to her, which she keeps on her bedside table as both a reminder of the great day she had and to remind her of her first Doctor. She vowed to go again with Ten but she never got the chance.

Rose would sometimes flirt with the men and women on planets or times they visited before her feelings for The Doctor got serious. It would often make The Doctor a little jealous.

She and Jack once had a competition to see how many people in a bar they could get the numbers of. The loser had to buy them all the next round. Rose only just managed to win by getting the number of a person called Robin. The Doctor was very exasperated by the both of them.

During her time with the dimension canon to find Ten, she saw the Thirteenth Doctor and was a little surprised. She’s always been sure after getting over her shock of him regenerating the first time that she would love him no matter what he looked like. She knew that she would love this version too.

[etherealspacejelly]

i feel like infodumping so here is my opinion of every new who companion!!

Rose Tyler

shes the og, shes That Girl, she is the moment! (lol, get it?) Rose was one of the best companions fr. her love story with the doctor is so beautiful and so tragic and honestly, he Needed her. ninerose >>> tenrose i said what i said. 9/10

Jack Harkness

very fun character! they kinda ruined him in torchwood a little bit. some of the earliest explicit queer rep in mainstream media i ever saw, if not the first! i loved his dynamic with rose and nine. 8/10

Mickey Smith

my sweet boy, my babygirl. he deserved so much better fr. dont get me wrong, i love Rose, but the way she treated Mickey was so mean. also the doctor hated his ass for no reason other than he was competition for Rose's affection. plastic Mickey was iconic. 8/10

Martha Jones

ICON!!! QUEEN!!!! i Love Martha soooo much. she was the only companion to Get Out and i love that for her, she deserved it. she slayed fr. however i do kinda hate that most of her character was simping for ten like. girl. stand up. 9/10

Donna Noble

Oh My God, incredible. cant wait to get her back!!!! the adipose scene through the windows???? hilarious, i can quote every word!!! she gave the doctor a run for his money and i love that for her. she was exactly what he needed after Rose and Martha, just A Mate. 10/10

Amy Pond

my favourite companion!!! eleven was My Doctor tho so thats probably why. every episode of season 5 is a banger. i love that she and Rory and River became a family to the doctor. love her. little Amelia is so cute and grown up Amy is a total badass. fish custard/10 10/10

Rory Williams

my beloved <3 hes so boyfriend fr. raised my standards as a kid. he waited 2000 years for her ;-; 10/10

River Song

hello sweetie :)

i love that her story was told backwards, very interesting narrative choice! knowing that she was always doomed to the library was so tragic. learning all of her secrets over each series was very fun and satisfying!! 10/10

Clara Oswald

hmm. not one of my favourite companions. she's ok i guess? the impossible girl thing was kinda cool but i dont really like her as a character. 5/10

Bill Potts

YESSSS! i love lesbiabs. lessbiens. women. her ending was super sad tho :(

she was cool and fun and gay 9/10

Yasmin Khan

hrm. boring. didnt have much of a personality, not really her fault the writing was just so shit. she had potential!! thasmin 4 lyfe! 4/10

Ryan Sinclair

yea. no. dont like how they made his dyspraxia a fun quirky thing that he just. magically got over somehow??? its a literal disability. my brother has it. it could have been so interesting to see how that manifested over the course of his travels with the doctor but its almost like they just. forgot about it?? also he was boring as hell. 2/10

Graham O'Brien

i literally didnt even remember his surname, i had to look it up. he was just kinda. there. a little more interesting than Ryan i guess?? but. still. 2/10

Concluding remarks

looking forward to Donna coming back and meeting the new companions!!! i hope the writing is better in this season :/ chibbers was Not It. anyway. thanks for reading my silly little ramble!! special interest go brrrr