#that was my first and only edit ive ever made. now becoming an edit person

[bloodyrawsweet]

ethel cain reblogged my bones and all edit with her song...... Nobody fucking move omg

[stitchwraith-stingers]

CUPIDS GUIDE TO STIMBOARD MAKING

i want to state off that theres no wrong way of making it! for excample, i personally dont like using slime and soap cutting gifs but others might really like using them and thats ay-ok! just my own advice for people who might also want to do them, since my own sideblog is just self indulgent boards lol

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CREDIT UR GIFS

pinterest is your worst nightmare, alot of stolen and reuploaded gifs, people take time to make these gifs! i just usually link back to where i found these gifs, heres a post explaining it

for mobile its harder so i reccomend just pasting the links to whatever post that have the gifs you like in a draft and after youre done for the time being and are ready to put them you paste them one by one where youd like to put them (tutorial by stimboardboy here)

heres my own little link-back banner thingy i use so you can copy and paste -> 1 2 3 / 4 5 6 / 7 8 9 ; i myself just use different emojis corrilating to the theme but you do you, its your board

since im a laptop user, i usually download about 4-5 gifs on their own and when i have to download more i just override the savefile on those ones (make sure to save the boards before doing this! it could remove the previous gif due to it not being there now lol)

how to find gifs

heres afew tips from another person!

been using this tip ever since i was told this, say i only want to find blue, you type #stim #blue in the search tag!

and just like that, viola! posts that contain blue gifs! works abunch of other stuff

you can add another tag if you want to, and its mainly how i use to find my own gifs! i reccomend trying other tags like #Blue stim since ive also seen people tag certain things like that, go crazy!

cant find it? you can gif it yourself!

i personally find my own stuff via youtube shorts or tiktok, but if its a long video that you cant (i use icecream recorder, which has its own little watermark so i make sure i clip it slightly bigger) a

s for my own clipped videos, which is the middle pic, i just paste them onto a tumblr draft and download them on my computer from there since i dont like using my phone often, kinda a hassle, if you have the space then i reccomend google drive or emails instead lol

and then i use ezgif! which ill segway into talking about how to use it to color

it can be kinda tricky, sometimes it works well and other times it. doesnt lol, note to self that if you want the gif to become black and white (like these two) you check grayscale, not monochrome

if you want the tint to be lighter you have to put it at 100%, but other then that you cant make it lighter so it can look a little bit awkward and sometimes the hue wont be the best, try messing around with the saturation and brightness if you have to but i myself say that its semi hit-or-miss

i heard people using photoshop to edit their gifs but i cant help you with that from then on, lol

but what do i put in there?

i usually pick between 2-4 themes to use for my gifs and its by association, ill use afew of my own as excamples

first one is based off an episode, so my idea is what happens in it ill base it off, the whole idea is that its a board game set in the desert, with alot of biking and a snake antagonist, so i looked up those 4 subsecently

the second one is a character who has 4 different forms, and used to live in a rainforest, and by extention ill use rain gifs with the rain- part of it

if you ever need help then you can also look up said character to see if other stimboards were made of them for inspo, though that might not be very reliable if the character youre looking up for is sorta niche (me being the only person to consistantly post fop boards 😭😭) but you should give it a try anyways

of course you dont have to stay on a association theme, you could just look up brown and blue because the characters color scheme is brown and blue, thats up for you to decide!

find other blogs to help find gifs!

i reccomend finding other blogs to find gifs, afew i personally reccomend are deadboystims, starclanstims / battlecatstims / brightpawstims, stimboardboy, talos-stims and heartnosekid! its going to be a little bit harder since the search system on actual blogs is very finnicky lol but if you dig you could maybe find something you like

also another thing i reccomend is looking at blogs that archive old gifs from deleted accounts, accounts like stimkids, stimgifarchive, vintagestims and deletedstimgifs

stimmyvillain and stimmyvillainarchive also have aton of old gifs you can use, just arent circulated as often

other stuff

like i mentioned i reccomend just putting the links to posts with gifs you want to use untill youre ready to properly update your draft and link them back, and with every gif i upload i like to save the post as often as possible, thats just me being me though

that should be it, i dont think i missed anything but if anyone wants to ask questions lmk 👍 i hope this was cohirent as possible akjhkajhkajha

[akpinkprincesss]

I'm catching up on woe begone and it just got me thinking about some of the characters, like really thinking about them and damn it hurts.

i was thinking about lieutenant and it made me realize that he was a victim. what he went through was worse then anyone could ever imagine and he had to adapt to survive. Of course that doesn't excuse his actions but he isn't a horrible person doing things our of malice, he is a victim who did horrible things his abuser (the man who brainwashed him into obeying his every word) told him to.

and its not like ANY of the other mikes have it easier, michaels especially. Like i think the reason they (michaels) all hate lieutenant is because they have all been through horrible pain and suffering. They all have lost edgar and i think most (if not all) of the ones who are alive right now were held in the compound and also tortured, they just werent brainwashed.

In general i think the michales have a hard time empathizing with other characters because they dont want to get close to others in case they die. But any version of mike also have a hard time empathizing with lieutenant because they were also tortured and they didnt react like that. However they forget that trauma victims will do whatever it takes to survive and in this case lieutenant had to become the perfect solider or else he would die, or worse. and the only character who witnessed the torture first hand is either dead, doesnt interact with lieutenant at all or doesnt care which proves my point (i cannot remember what happened to that michael)

and after i had those realizations it sent me on a mini spiral about the W.B "villains" are actually just victims, these are usually iterations of the mikes. Like this nobody guy who just appeared (for me) i dont know what his deal is (and i dont want you to tell me) but the way hes talking it cant be good. The way he could withstand a gunshot for as long as he did doesnt give me good vibes. of course that could be of his own design but i dont know yet and when it comes to mike walters i can hope for the best but expect the worst.

of course not every villain in the story is a victim, like eagle he can taste the carbon of my bat as i slam it full force into his face. but some of them are just victim to circumstance and the horrible events that always follow mike walters.

thanks for reading my long ass rant, ive had feelings that i needed to get out. i might have more to say on the topic later but for now i will leave it. also ignore grammer mistakes im not in the mood to edit right now :/

ive been listening to this podcast on and off for about 2 years now? so there are bound to be mistakes in lore as i forget things and ill go a few months without listening then binge the 10+ episodes so if you have any notes please add them (without spoilers please i am only on episode 154 thanks)

note: do not take this the wrong way i love this show and this is NOT a criticism of the writing :D

[gumi-writes]

i accidently sent your friend an ask i was gonna send you (common sense... i barely know her heart emoji) but yea the main thing i wanted to ask was if you had any more trivia about tien because wow they stir my frontal lobe like lentil soup... any idea for her routes? did you pick out a flower for her? i don't think ive seen that yet on your blog. minor trivia?

EDIT: LMAO THIS IS 1.4K WORDS LONG SO GOD HELP ME

yowza. you've done it now, anon (positive)! there's a lot under this cut but i wanted to answer everything and i'm incapable of not doing it as verbosely as possible LOL you have my apologies in advance <3

first off, i did get your previous messages passed onto me! please don't fret at all haha, at the very least, it was very flattering to be associated with them! in return, i will be very normal about about your asks and in fact only reread them a reasonable amount of times, i promise.

honestly, this entire thing was so incredibly written lmfao. you blast me with a compliment on the character design then plonk one of the most thoughtful examination of monster vs humanity alongside the discussion of nurture vs nature i've ever seen? never in all my years on tumblr has an anon ever micdropped me like that HAHA i have to at least try to return the favour!

monstrosity as something that's nurtured, or imposed, or chosen, or innate... my initial thought that it's probably a combination of everything BUT personal choice, and a part of that stems from the kind of thing survival in this world seems to demand in the first place. death is cheap, and monsters freely roam what seems to be a world on its last legs—is a choice between surviving and having the means to survive or dying really a choice at all? is it not more a matter of a forced hand or simply a cornering that you either get out of or die from? some part of it must be innate, or there'd be nothing to nurture. another portion must be imposed, because that is what happens when you have no say. most of all is the fact the threshold for violence that the world enforces on you means that you have to meet it somehow—through grit, or strength, or something.

and tiên's response was answered for her, in a sense—to become a manmade monster with little to fear but with all the ennui dogging the heels of her manufactured nigh functional invincibility, and an unbreakable leash binding her to the hand that would never give up their favourite toy. even with all her all her strength, there's a strange defeatism about her—that she cannot fight the hand that's fed her, that she would rid them of herself, but she has just enough pride to strive for the ambition of dying for something worthwhile so that at least at the very last her power might be good for something in her life.

if that makes sense. :P but i'll finish this section by letting you know that iron maiden was actually @/laymes-arts suggestion! i'm quite enamoured with it myself!

as for her route, i do actually have a lot of thoughts considering i conceptualised her as a fake love interest! i always thought it was a little interesting that we didn't get someone from the senobium as an option (vere technically doesn't count, considering he feels like an outside contractor but like one forced into that position, so to speak), so her initial role as nun was made in partial response to that!

but it was going to be a route that really toyed with the player/mc's sense of suspicion and ability to trust her even though she was their chosen character. you were going to get embroiled in a mystery of these curious corpses with no visible wounds while rumours of a serial killer lay afoot, all the while having to navigate a tenuous new relationship in the potential hope that tiên would be the key into getting into the senobium and getting the information to a blessed cure. of course, then you'd find out that she is behind these deaths, possibly during a midkill—and the thing about tiên is that she doesn't like inflicting violence on other people, not quite out of altruism but because it's a waste of her strength, so she kills them rather gently, by kissing them and then pouring her blood into their lungs and then taking it back out again after they die of what is essentially drowning. she'd then of course reveal her role as a nun to basically be just a front for her actual purpose: the senobium's favoured weapon and their enemies' biggest threat. potentially something you yourself, or rather, the mc themselves, was going to become, so it was up to you whether or not that was a dealbreaker. i also floated around the idea of tiên appearing in other character's bad endings, wherein she'd get sent after them by the senobium and well. if it's one thing i made tiên for, it was her ability to win in a fight every time HAHA

and yep! i've both picked a flower and @/laymes-art has a flower portrait in progress haha! but i gave her the foxglove! there's various reasons, but the main reasons were that:

i thought it was fun that it was an abbreviation of folk's glove, wherein folk refers to faefolk, and tiên's name means fairy in vietnamese

it's a flower used in healing but can be poisonous in large amounts, which reminded me of tiên's relationship with her blood—both a source of her strength and what is keeping her alive and functionally immortal, but also the reason behind her body's endless chronic pain and the inability to deny those that made her into what she is access to her abilities and strength, given that the other half of her halved monster's heart is with them

the flower itself kind of looks like it has blood spots on the inner petals

and i always have trivia haha, but i'll throw out a couple more here:

her blood, on it's own, is not toxic to drink. the problem is, however, that it is incredibly emphatic to it's owner, and because of tiên's facial blindness and complete lack of social skills or experience, most people are simply foreign, faceless entities to her. as a result, her blood treats them as it would any foreign intruder in her body—much like it would purge any toxin or alcohol, it will attempt to to the same to any person that tiên has no pre-existing relationship with. which, given that that's a large portion of the population, the senobium are fond of drawing blood from her and utilising it both as a method of torture AND a potential avenue of experimentation, should they luck out and manage to make another tiên.

when her blood is ingested, she forms temporary, one way psychic connections with people where she can feel how they're feeling. given that her own emotions are very muted, this is honestly her only opportunity to connect with any kind of humanity, though this does mean that she's felt every death that has had her blood in someone. if you are a repeat drinker (somehow), tiên will instinctively always know where you are, which does help override her facial blindness to some extent.

tiên's method of differentiating between people is very simplistic: either you're the people who made her into who she is now, or you're not. as a result, she has alarmingly low standards of how she's treated—so long as you do not torture her extensively or force her to kill, you'll be on fine terms with her. that being said, this trait is offset by both strength and unflappability—at the very least, it's very hard to bully someone that does not react.

more fun little facts: given blood's role in regulating the body's temperature, tiên has perfect control over how hot or cool she is + she smells very sweet but with a tinge of iron, like bloodied honey + she has absolutely no social skills and only gets away with it because she barely initiates conversation + she genuinely thinks she's forgettable because almost no one approaches her + she has a garden in the ruins in an abandoned church, where all the flowers have grown after being watered by her blood

phew! okay! i have. a lot more honestly, but this is looking worrying long LMAO. thank you if you've gotten this far, but even if you skimmed it, i appreciated the opportunity to write all this out HAHA, it was mostly just sitting in my head anyway.

either way anon... it's insane to think that my oc could have this kind of impact on someone else, so like i hope my response showcased my thanks and gratitude at least a little bit??? HAHA at the very least, i'll be thinking about your ask and mining it for serotonin for like the next long while!

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

k, m, n, t for pd and/or suck!!! >:33333

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

-> you know i gotta say wiwi. i have to. that character was Made For Me i swear to GOD . genuinely i cannot think about prime defenders season 2 episode 39 without feeling physically sick bc i love it so much. its the only one i havent relistened to since i heard it the first time. i KNOW its gonna make me cry again so i genuienly have not touched it even though theres things in there i need to hear again for character research. his arc is so like. narratively satisfying in a way that hits me so fucking deep to my core in an extremely personal way. and like. there were definitely some Decisions that i was REALLY ANNOYING about hating when they were brought up because im used to media with bad storytelling/creators that do not care about their characters but. looking back on it i would not change a single thing about it. i love you wiwi so much.

-> FOR SUCK.... its not over yet. so i cannot definitively say. campaign finale comes out tomorrow so my answer may change depending on that but for right now i think i gotta say arthur. i joke a lot about hating arthur for no real reason in particular but. man his story is just REALLY good. not going 2 give you suck spoilers (hehe) but i also really like how shilo has grown through the campaign. hes my little guy :]

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

-> TIDE. TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIDE TIDE TIDE I LOVE TIDE SO MUCH. thats my dad thats my best friend i love tide so much dude. every time he is mentioned or on screen i am just like :D HI TIDE I LOVE YOU TIDE

-> grefgore :] light of my life this is how i feel anytime i think about grefgore

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

-> CHARACTER STUDIES. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I LIKE A GOOD SHIPPING FIC AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY BUT PLEASE GOD WRITE THEM IN CHARACTER. EXPLORE THEIR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AND WHY THEY MAKE CERTAIN DECISIONS THE WAY THEY DO. this doesnt even go for just pd and suck this is like. true for every single fandom ive ever fucking been in. do you know how hard it is to find character studies in the danny phantom tag on ao3. nobody has even fucking watched the show how are they going to write character studies they just want (<< i cannot legally finish this sentence without getting in so much trouble) I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF AROUND HERE. ALL I EVER WRITE ARE CHARACTER STUDIES BC THATS THE WAY I THINK ABOUT CHARACTERS. I LOVE THEIR MOTIVATIONS I LOVE TO GET INSIDE THEIR BRAINS LIKE A LITTLE PARASITE AND IT IS ALWAYS SURPRISING TO ME WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT THINK LIKE THIS. (edit im just now reading through this and realized the question says three things. i did not process that. my three things are all more character studies please)

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

-> oh dude i have so many hmmmmmmm how to choose just one. i have a LOT of feelings about wiwis original death and i might write something about that when i can get over my shrimp emotions about him. dakota cole audhd truther but that ones pretty much canon anyway so i dont think it counts. vyncent and his relationship with growing up in fantasy world and then being thrown into prime and how he adjusted to that. I think he really lies shitty syfy channel type horror movies that are so stupidly bad. and also plays a lot of video games but again i think thats mostly canon already. i think tide listens to dad rock but also like. ocean man by ween. you already know about my william and ashe being each others emotional support at concerts. i think william and ashe should hang out and do emo kid things more. i also have a lot of feelings about ashe and coping with the crippling loneliness of basically growing up alone and how the pd becoming like INSTANT best friends was so much for him in sooo many ways. you already know how i feel about mark i am in the middle of dissecting him like im in a high school biology class as we speak. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i know im gonna think of something really good after i hit the post button so stay tuned

[cherrysmokesaconha]

im embarrassed/shy to admit it on main but ever since ive first seen 2trenchcoat it's been constantly rotting my brain ever since/pos

id enjoy learning more about them.. like, how did they end up meeting and why did they get together? or maybe what they like doing together to pass the time, idk. u can yap as much as you'd like. its really cute, i love the ship and art you make of it a lot :33

Awww hi Anon! Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!! ^_^

Okay, let's go yapping... Lol

Derick and 2004 Tord first didn't know about each others names, since they were just working at Eddsworld Studios (they just knew that they existed lol)

Derick always thought that Tord was cool since they both loves black trench coats, they were basically the only two people who wears trench coats in the studio. Derick felt like Tord and him were special.

Them Derick felt interested in Tord (platonic first) and then wanted to interact more with him, since they both lived together, even though they didn't know each other, Derick realized how much he had in common with Tord.

Derick usually wakes up early and Tord rarely does. And the time they both woke up early, Derick noticed that Tord also liked bat things, like cups or pajamas. (They were having breakfast) Basically, I like to imagine this was their first interaction ever. Derick noticed Tord's pajamas and Tord noticed his pajamas as well, so yeah.

And over time, Derick discovered more about Tord. When everyone found out that Edd, Tord, and Tom saved Christmas, Derick was impressed that Tord liked Christmas as much as he did.

With these things in common, Derick became even more interested in Tord. And after fighting his shyness, he decided to start a chat with him. And so, they discovered more about their tastes and how similar they were.

Tord said he liked anime, Derick did too (a little). Tord said he liked guns, Derick did too. Tord said his favorite magazine was Maniac Mansion 2004 Special Edition, this was Derick's favorite too. So, with so much to share between them, they decided to become friends.

When 2004 Tord and Derick weren't busy with personal stuff (such as Tord's storyboard or Derick's stuff as a hitman in The Troublemakers), they would go somewhere in the studio to chat and talk about lots of stuff.

Derick was the first one to fall in love, Tord fell in love later.

I remember saying about their first meeting, where it was pretty funny and embarrassing for both sides, but at least they were now kind of together. One of the moments of their first date was when Derick bought Tord some flowers and discovered he wasn't really a fan of flowers, he wasn't mad about it, he just thought it was funny. (I will try searching for this ask later. Will edit this when I find it) (edit: found it muahaha >:3c)

They felt like they were made for each other, both in terms of their shared interests and how they treated each other. They both had their flaws, but nothing got in the way of their relationship. They cared for each other and looked out for each other like never before. Basically, they both fell in love with each other for the same reason: the other loves what I love and is a silly and hot guy that matches my freak :3

To pass the time, they enjoy reading Maniac Mansion or watching the magazine's animated series. Tord sometimes puts on anime for them to watch, but he prefers to put on more family-friendly anime instead of... Hentai. Since Derick is not really a fan of that.

They also like to play video games, watch movies if not anime, watch YouTube, just cuddle or idk lol

I hope ur going to read all of this lol anyway. Thank you for your love, Anon! I really really appreciate it ^_^ if u have any other questions, feel free to send them! I will love to yap more :3

[bugfayce]

Is there lore to your ex pop oc,,, I'd love to know more about her 👉👈

AAGGH first off: tysm for ur interest i love having any sort of excuse to yap abt my ocs!! Second off: most of this will be pulled out of my ass since admittedly i haven't worked on them too much LMAO.

I initially made the design while I was warming up, figured it looked outlasty enough and slapped on the kleptomaniac label since I had the idea bouncing in my head for a while previously. As a result a lot of her lore is suuuper bullshitted atm, but trust it will all make sense soon 🙏

Anyways yapsesh go!!! :

So i imagine collectors as a whole are comprised mostly of petty thieves and criminals who were jailed, and then "bought" by Murkoff to use for the trials, where they undergo heavy conditioning, drugging and brainwashing, to induce a severe form of kleptomania, or something that looks like it anyway. Oftentimes this will also come with INTENSE hoarding tendencies, along with depression and PTSD from the heavy experimentation.

With the facility lowkey crashing, Murkoff staff are probably low on some resources, so they send the collectors into trials to collect items for them, typically for research or materials. Items like batteries, rig rechargers, and medical supplies are taken back in to be repurposed or used, whilst other items are discarded back into trials. They provide further challenge for reagents by increasing scarcity of items, forcing them to adapt to either avoiding the collectors or making use of what they have left, if anything remains.

On standard difficulty they'll only take one item, two for intensive and your entire inventory for psychosurgery. #1 rage inducing enemy. If you have no items they'll just smack you around and leave.

In the case of my collector lady: her drive to steal is born out of what she believes is a necessity. A manic impulse to steal as much as possible in preparation for something, what exactly that is, i dont really know yet lol. Her tendency to cannibalize also stems from this.

As she is not given food to eat she thinks she is starving and will consume anything at her disposal to stay alive. I imagine outside of the trial environment she heavily sedated, all her collected items are taken from her, and she is fed the bare minimum through IVs and tubes connected to her stomach (i am not a doctor do not ask me too closely about the specifics lmaooa).

Personality wise she's super neurotic, anxious, stressed, paranoid and violent. Any potential remnants of her identity before Murkoff are pretty much lost forever. Anyone trying to take her items is getting jumped immediately, and she becomes immensely distressed if she loses any of her collected items. Will not share anything ever, if she ever shares an item with you she is either posessed or you are incredibly INCREDIBLY lucky.

All her clothes are made out of stolen materials from trial environments and the veil on her face is to hide her identity as she still believes she is at risk of being arrested for theft. I'll probably redesign her to fit this theme later but i like her current design for now💥💥💥

If anyone has any more specific question PLEAAASEEE ask me i love yapping abt ocs ‼️‼️🙏

EDIT: forgot to mention that this is all subject to change

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[found-family-tournament]

Found Family Tournament Round 1 Part 19 Group 95

Propaganda and further pictures under the cut

Cheer Factory: Goo & Bot

Submissions are still open!

Cheer Factory:

waves at you . hi !!!!! (pastes in my pre made rant and slightly edits and adds onto i

you have NO IDEA how much ‘found family’ energy these two give off (unless yyou do . by coincidence.uhm) like?? they find out theyre on the pink team and BOTH bot and goo shout “YEAHHH,, PINK TEAM !!” in unison . and then they immediately start getting along throughout the show . they are siblings to me they are the duo ever theyre like so silly theyre like two little kids in a trench coat/pos

okay so let me talk about bot first of all bot is . theyre heavily implied to be trans actually NO not heavily implied it’s practically CANON because bot is supposed to be the robot replica of a dead person named bow but later on they say they “aren’t bow” and that they wanna be a different person !!!! in the newer episodes literally when they were drawing what they wanna look like they put they/them on the paper and it was shown ON SCREEN !!!!!/pos/silly and in the new episode they GOT their new look and when they noticed their eyelashes were gone and all the other cool details they got they said “it’s so… me !! :D” ALSO: this small speech they gave

“yknow, lately ive been worried,, if i went by a different name, or maybe even ,, looked a little different.. i wouldnt be me anymore., but you helped me realize that,, no matter what you put out there.. youre still you” UWAHHHHHH/POS okay now goo second of all goo is like the silliest little goofball ive seen on a web series . he dances with PINECONES and makes weird analogies and made a 3 hour film for bot after they came out he did NOT deserve to be voted out for that i really hope they reunite because they didnt get to talk much before goo’s elimination and not ONLY that but literally goo got eliminated BEFORE he got to see bot’s new look he doesn’t even know that their name is bot he still thinks its tbd as far as i know (also because the only pictures of them together so far are literally before bot got their new look so. im gonna have to separate them when i submit photos💔💔) and the interaction right before his elimination was like kinda awkward unfortunately but it made me sob/hj

"yeah,, i liked it !! but.. it was,,. a lot :[ listen goo,, i-i dont need this new identity to be such a big grand spectacle , i just want you to treat me like. llike me . with all the uncertainty lately, it helps everything feel just a bit more,, normal , yknow .?" “oh,, ohfor sure ,! i get it !! it’s like,, you just wanted a slice of cake, and i went and gave you the whole bakery ,:D !!” “hehe, yyup, nailed it !! ,:)” ↑↑↑ UWAHHHHHHH😭/LH/POS and third of all their alliance name they are literally called THE CHEER FACTORY because they wanna CHEER PEOPLE UP and they did !!!!! they cheered up clover and the floor ithink yes the floor is a character ssshshshshhsshh and goo literally lost one of the challengesbecause he laughed at the floor’s joke AND HE DID NOT CARE he was just glad he got to cheer somebody up !!!!! “another satisfied customer at the,, CHEER FACTORY !!! :D” LITERALLY HE WAS SO HAPPY and also when they were separated into two seperate teams goo is IMMEDIATELY sad when he notices bot isnt with him “sigh… i guess the cheer factory has become the.., cheer llc. :[“ I FELT SO BAD FOR THE BOTH OF THEM also can you tell whos my favorite/hj/lh anyways theyre silly theyre blorbos theyre the duo ever and thats why they should be in this competition (psssssst pstpst hhey im not gonna force you or anything btw but watch this video that interviews goo after he got eliminated from the show please/nf/ ineed to provide more evidence/hj/lh) || https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eb4iAbI2f3s

goo literally made a video that was like 3 hours.long which was dedicated to bot's new identity after they said they were a robot and weren't "bow" and also they both have their own silly little alliance in the show called "The Cheer Factory" ❗❗❗ cmon theyre like. theyre literally like two little kids in a trenchcoat/silly theyrefound family siblings to me

Naruto & Umino:

everyone in the village hated naruto since the day he was born bc of the demon that lives in his insides somewhere (this sounds crazy if you haven't seen the show but trust me here). iruka was his teacher at school. when everyone was graduating, naruto failed and some side character told him that if he stole a secret scroll he'd pass (since he failed). they were using him tho, and were planning on killing him (i think). and then iruka goes after him and finds him with the scroll before the other person did, and was the first person to actively defend naruto, and was the first person to believe him and see him as the person he was (he's like 12 here btw). and then, iruka always acts as a father figure to naruto, and at the very end of the series, when naruto gets married, he asks iruka to be his father at his wedding. i cried like a little bitch and i swear to god i just lvoe them so much. i doubt anyone will submit them butAAAAAA. ALSO IRUKA PASSED HIM IN THE END AND GAVE HIM HIS OWN FUCKING HEADBAND!!! SOBS AND CRIES AND SCREAMS

iruka was the first person to ever believe in naruto. it’s mentioned throughout the story how much of an impact iruka had on naruto just by believing in him, and it’s super sweet. the real kicker is that at the end of the show, naruto asks iruka to play the role of his father at his wedding, and i will never not cry about it!! literally look at them!!! never shutting up about this!!

[r0ttensunf]

ive heard closer when i was 10 years old, i wanted to sing it with my best friends in a school talent show... that was the first time that ive decided to take a "professional" take on an art project. some time later ive listened to eastside and that song caried me through 2018 wich was one of the most traumatic years of my life, i was fouding out about my bisexuality in a toxic household and toxic classroom in school had no one there for me but then i found out about you for real. Ive listened to strangers cause i knew lauren jauregui but something about you were diferent. I saw some videos about you instantly feel for your beauty (like a 12 yearold who just undertood she liked girls would) and as time passed your music stuck with me more and more. in 2019 i created fan accounts to post edits fanarts all of that for you i developed so much of my editting and desing and ilustration skills consuming your music. In the pandemic your album Manic changed everything for me. i was in my most depressive fase, stuck in my home with a mother who didnt knew how to deal with her daughters feelings and a dad who seam to not care. my mom would scream at me for crying to loud and for not beeing able to get out of bed to shower but hearing your music made me wipe my tears and smile. ive always had a troubled relationship with the idea of motherhood, i kinda still do, but when you annouced that you were pregnant it was the start of a change of vision for me making me see how trully beautiful beeing a mother can be. then iichliwp came out and what a piece of masterpiece that album is. within your whole discography every word you say seems to echo inside my chest following each beat. your lyrics been nailed in my bones since that first time i heard your voice in closer when i was 10. eventho i became a fan in 2018, those almost 6 years having you as a part of my life were lifechangimg. after my parents divorced i became closer to my dad because he would ask to listen to your songs with me in the car, last year he took me to your concert in sao paulo. Because of you im able now to see that motherhood doesnt have to be exaustimg and clonficted. because of you ive learned to not listen to shit about my gender, my sexuality and mostly about how i decide i want to be. Now, youre back realeasing the most vulnerable songs in your career and all i wanted more then ever was to give you the tightest hug. ive went to sleep hugging my pillow so many times wishing one day id be able to feel your arms around me to comfort me. But eventho my life is a mess now with the transition from adolence and adulthood with me becoming 18 this year, right now all i wanted was to give you a hug so i could confort you. i know i dont know you, but thats one of the prettiest parts, how youre able to make me the happiest girl in the world without even trading words with me. how youre able to get this part of me that no one else in the world can. ive liked other artists before, but as ive been growing up none of them stayed as strong as you do. when the end came out i skip school cause i couldnt stop crying. i was so scared of losing you. i cried the whole day and guess what? my dad was the first person to confort me, the same that who seemed to not care before you. im still so scared of losing you. Not just for me, but you have such a beautiful son, friends who love you and other fans who also care so deeply for you. ive cryied not only cause youre halsey, but also just as a person who has been through such a dificult battle all those years. we still know so little, but i cant express to you enough how deeply i care about you. im sorry if there were people who made you not belive in those words anymore, but for me i can asure you ill be here for your music, your art, your truth. youre so strong please know that there are milions of people out there who are proud of you. i cant even imagine how hard it must be not only to deal with health issues like this but also now publically. gosh i just wished i could do something.

My own fans are hands down meaner to me than any other people on the planet. Not speaking for all of you, of course. But it used to be just a minority that were awful to me and now it seems like a majority have only stuck around to chime in occasionally with their opinion of how much they hate me or how awful I am. it’s hard to want to engage in a space that is completely devoid of any kindness, sympathy, patience; or to be honest human decency. Especially after years of hiding from the interactions for fear that this EXACT thing would happen. I don’t know man. I almost lost my life. I am not gonna do anything that doesn’t make me happy anymore. I can’t spiritually afford it.

When I got sick all I could think about was getting better so I could come back and be a part of THIS again, but I don’t even know what *this* is anymore and I want to crawl in a hole and I regret coming back.

[postmoderntongues]

I really hope you read these because I've dreamed of contacting you for over a decade and a half but have always been too shy and insecure. I remember hearing about how you were a Dennis Cooper fan (another of my all time favorite authors) and reached out to him and so I always kind of fantasized about continuing the chain and reaching out to you as an admirer. You make me feel seen and understood and not alone. I am a 31 year old gender nonconforming autistic AFAB polysubstance-addicted aspiring horror author with CPTSD who has had a lifelong struggle with mental health, inability to socialize with and connect to others, and knowing I have "wrong/bad" thoughts. In "Author" when you talk about how you used to play with your dolls it made me feel so seen and so not alone because i was the same way and I always thought it was shameful and embarrassing and it made me push away playmates growing up. I am a fat girl (I related so much to how Savannah described your EDs in "GirlBoyGirl", Im also either binging or fasting or purging) always have been, but like you described i never wanted to become a hot girl I wanted to become a pretty young twink who even straight men wanted to fuck. I totally get why you used a performance art proxy to stand in as JT, my writing is also really personal and masochistic and bulimic so I totally understand why you wanted to present it with the face of somebody you thought they would accept more. I was always (still am) really into the punk rock thing not just the music but the whole art/scene/culture and I SO relate to the struggles of being a "fat punk" or being gender-nonconforming before it was cool like it is now. I was so autistically obsessed with your work growing up that i bleached my hair and wore big sunglasses for the entire second half of 11th grade and the summer after to look like JT

So anyway, I found your work when I was in 8th grade because I am the same age as the Sprouse twins and had a crush on them when they were on Disney channel and found "The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things" through their filmography. It was like nothing Id ever seen. It felt like the movie was made for me. Every aspect from the aesthetics to the plot to the soundtrack felt like aiming a mirror into my own brain, like a story Id write if I wasn't afraid what people would think of me or a plotline Id play out with my dolls/my Sims. I obsessively made music video edits to it for years until my youtube account was taken down when the website started to monetize and nuked all the fan content. I got my first detention for reading The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things during math class under my desk at 13. I read 'Sarah" after, then "Harold's End" which I loved the art in but was too young to really appreciate at the time, and then finished with Savannah's memoir. I take The Heart, Sarah, And Girlboygirl with me every time I get shipped off to the psych ward, they re such intense touchstones for me that sometimes reading them is the only thing about a situation like the psych wards Im regularly incarcerated in feel normal or familiar or okay or like somebody on the planet exists who gets me. I can say with no exaggeration that not only your writing but your story has meant more to me than any other artist living or dead ever has. Not just content wise but your voice and your style I admire more than any other author Ive read in the process of getting a bachelors in lit.

You being brave enough to put your work out there gave me the courage to write the novel I am publishing this summer. my only goal in life as an author is that my work will mean half as much to even one single traumatized gender-confused little teenaged fat girl as your writing meant to me, if I can accomplish that I will have reached my goals as a writer. Every word I read by you and everything you say or that I learn about you makes me feel less alone, less like a defective monster, like maybe at least some worthwhile are can come out of what a mess I am. Mostly I just wanted to let you know how much you and your work mean to me and have inspired me but also a tiny bit of me is hoping you'd maybe be open to looking at my work like Cooper looked at yours and that you'll wind up digging it like he did yours but no pressure on that front im sure you have people trying to shove writing in your face/hijack your clout all the time so honestly Id be ecstatic to just know you read this. I hope im not being creepy with how much i like literally want to be you or one of your creations I promise im not a stalker or anything Im just gushing because Ive wanted to reach out to you for more than half my lifetime. Also I just have to say that "Labour" is my most coveted piece of lost media other than the Columbine Basement Tapes and the full original cut of Wes Craven's "Last House On The Left" and I would give myself a clitoridectomy with a dull stone just to get to read a chapter of it. IDK like I said I don't want to be creepy but you are one of the only artists to not only genuinely move me but make me feel understood and less alone. I hope this reaches you in good health.

[innocencelives]

cont. diary entry: talking to myself and reflecting on the decade, a long recap and a look towards the future.

i have had this blog since march 2016. 8 years, almost a decade. since then ive been periodically ranting abt my abuse, reblogging traumacore/nature/cats/relatable posts/random funnies. for a while in the first couple years i made many trauma-based edits, quotes, and lots of poems. havent made one of those in a while, but i still get notifications probably daily from them.

im thinking tonight about truly how little has changed since then. im 26, i started confronting my trauma in 10th grade, i would have been about 16 so. as i say i opened pandoras box. followed breadcrumbs down a path that i would never be able to walk back from. in an effort to understand myself, to make sense of the pain in my body that haunted every thing i had ever done. it wasnt a few years before that i was cutting myself all over, trying to die, withdrawing, beginning to unravel. i suppose i cant blame myself for wanting to solve this mystery of, what had destroyed me. but what i found, not found. what i confronted, what i had decided to think twice about, perhaps that wasnt so normal? how could i have ever thought it was normal was beyond me.

sure it was liberating, it still kind of us. but facing that truth, only unraveled me further. more withdrawing, more self destruction, more isolation, more distortions of self, lost purpose, lost opportunity, couldnt get out of bed, couldnt go to school. it was naive to think i could confront abuse being done by someone across the hall from me. i fell deeper into dysfunction, having found the source of my destruction overwhelmed me, i was sort of seduced by it. it felt comforting to understand myself, to put the pieces together. i was no longer confused, but it was worse to see my life as a whole. it was heartbreaking. it shattered the last bit of illusion that-i was the source of my lifes troubles. instead of me being this bad seed, it was truly everything around me that wasnt what it seemed. i wish i could live in the truman show again.

ironically, though i tried to face it in order to heal from it, it caused more trauma. i wasnt ready, i wasnt remotely ready for that truth. homelessness, rape, beating, toxic relationships, false trusting, most significantly: the severing of all ties with every last member of my once perfect family. i did the right thing, bizarely. bizarelly, living on the street, ending up in the arms of other abusers, agoraphobia beyond belief, from one toxic living situation to the next, giving up every semblance of a normal life, of all my opportunity, all my potential, i had become whole. a complete person. one with a beginning, middle, and what i thought was an end. a liberating, destructive truth.

here i am, sitting with the ashes and the debris, years later. a new city, a found family, welfare income, welfare food, welfare healthcare, welfare rent. and also, some more potential. well. in theory, there is a path that could lead to a purpose. but alas, this kind of tragedy cannot be undone. how naive, how naive to think i had figured it all out. i thought, now i know, now i get it, now it makes sense. if only that kid knew. their hellish life, it had only begun. so much more hell to walk through. worse realities awaited me just around the corner. by opening pandoras box, following the bread crumbs, pulling that string until it led to a horrible, liberating truth.

did it liberate me? i wish it were that simple. i wish, just by understanding why i was the way i was, i could heal from it. by seeing those memories for what they were, i received more than just a realization. worse symptoms, those distortions of thought, more abuse, more abusers, homelesness, the soul crushing grief of losing my whole family. and all for the love of the truth. it picked and pulled everything until there was nothing left. nothing but a broken child, now more alone and more abandoned than ever.

i honestly, truly, am still reeling from all of it. i lived many lifetimes, it perhaps will take the rest of this one to find peace. so many years since ive seen them all, but the farther i drift from that tragedy, the more i walk right into it. after all, the pitiful life i live now, is just the aftermath. i have. i have sort of built something beautiful? the beginnings. the foundations. the threads of a new life.

i have to give myself time. i know, i know i want to forget. i know i wish every single day my past could go away, that it could stop clawing at this life. the way it feels so suffocating, so omnipresent, so many years later, is heartbreaking. but. put it this way, to state it bluntly. if my friend told me, they had faced incestous sexual abuse from one parent, emotional abuse and neglect from the other, olympic level gaslighting from countless associates of them, true medical and psychiatric abuse from the doctors they conspired with, the incest being so shocking and unbelievably that my entire extended family left me to rot, two bouts of homelesness, walking the streets no one to care if i died, taken advantage of by further predators, struggling to escape my familys reach and control years after, life altering levels of depression and anxiety, such an intense kind of dissociation i didnt need weed to leave my body, the level to which these years of abuse laid wreck my body and brain, unable to act like other humans, unable to socialize, to buy groceries, living in squalor and filth because i shower once a month, clean once a year, of COURSE. of fucking course im not fucking a-okay after a few years!

gotta be patient with myself. i find myself, continuously shocked by the truth of my life. my new thing is using the word “incest” i think its such a puke-worthy word. absolutely disgusting, anyone who hears it wants to hide in a closet and cover their ears. really just, a nasty gross little word. and yet, its not just something reserved for documentaries. it is the story of my life. it is a key that unlocks the deep reaches of my psyche, all the way to the stains on my shorts because i struggle to do the laundry. it is in my veins, it is in my heart, and it is written on ever piece of skin on my body. im okay with that. its true after all! why hide it, why pretend? why euphemize? why not just, say it for what it is?

its not the end of me, but it is a part of me.“oh the places youll go”, i have many places left to go. many cities left to see, many highs left to reach, so much life left to live and yes-many more tears left to cry. i carry my abuse with me, thats okay. a disability. im on disability so, it really is like a missing leg. i cant wish my leg back right! cant heal from a fucking missing leg, why try? why pretend? but it does get easier. maybe not now. fuck i wish it was now. im sick of it. but i wouldnt expect this of anyone else who had been through such waking nightmares, i cant expect it of myself. that part of me…always helpful to think of it like a child. the child in me, that screams out to be helped, screams their being hurt, that no one came to save them. they have every right to scream.

i love them. ill hug them as tight as i can… better days are not just a pipe dream. there sitting waiting for me. just going to cry some more tears. scream a bit more. hug this child. and have hope.

[guardians-of-blood]

As promised, some things I found while looking back on my Twitter account.

1. The worst Bloody War names

- Kayda (and his nickname Kay) is meant to be pronounced like KAIda. I dont know why I didn't just go with that because KAYda doesn't look like it should be pronounced that way.

- Veridis should technically be Viridis but Viri is the nickname for Virineya so I guess I changed the first i to an e so he could be Veri instead.

- Tamesis is apparently ALSO the name of a water goddess and not just a gender neutral name meaning dark one (I probably found it by looking up cool names or something). The only watery thing about Tamesis Regalia is that he lives on the Gemsea Isles which is the water + gem/mineral themed country and goes to the water themed school

- My way of naming countries and places within them usually involves google translating words that fit the theming into the language(s) of the cultures they are

inspired by but its also fucking google translate and I'm Fucking Stupid so I misread or some shit half the time (see the next section) and Acallmagi is combined from magic and  'acall', which i thought was french for lull.

It's not. Accalmie is lull. So It's close enough even if its missing an extra c + unfortunately it feels too late to change it because Acallmagi has been said so many times and its always been spelled that way.

Bonus: Names that I fixed.

- For some time I spelled Rayden as Raydon (after I made a typo and like confused myself) but I realized I hated it so I changed it back.

- Vetersvist, which it was originally written down as, somehow got an extra s in there (Vestervist). I probably need to go back and edit things to remove that s. It may be because the two dont look too different but Accalmagi looks weird to me compared to Acallmagi which ive been looking at forever. I guess removing 1 letter doesnt make autism brain that hates change angry but changing a letter and swapping its place does.

BONUS 2: Fun Vian Fact

I wanted to be called Via when i was younger (my full name is Victoria so I just like removed the ctori from it) and I made a genderbent version named vVan who became his own character. (This is who Cicely's brother Nettle is loosely based off of) Vian was made during the rp BW was inspired by and I just wanted a guy named Vian so Vian was his name. He was a lot more mean and aggressive and had more common sense back then but I love my silly dense naive fool now <3

2. The 'TLDR' backstory of Rene Lyon and Lukariah 'Luk' Durand, featuring Aether Lightseeker

Rene and Luk were besties during elementary school. During middle school, Luk had a bunch of anger issues and they got into a fight. They decided that they hated each other, and got it physical until they both had to be tutored by Aether at the same time. Aether made them talk shit out and then they did things as a trio. (Luk mellowed out during it)

In high school, Luk and rene started dating and Rene got obsessed with money and also become the most annoying person ever (to the rest of the magic school gang - which is Mars, Pluto, and Seraphim).

Rene proceeded to also mellow out during the summer before going to Frost's Guidance. He's still chaotic and a little annoying but less so. And also he dies of cringe when he thinks of anything his younger self did ever. This may continue on in his life. Just Like Me.

3. Kenny's scar (Old. Funny?)

Azelf: How did you get that scar on your hand Kenny?

Kenny: I fought a teros with my bare hands!!!

*Reality*

Kenny: Hey Frey! Do you think I can catch this knife if I throw it in the air?

*He could not.*

Present Tori's thoughts: Honestly I'd replace Freyja with her sister in being the one Kenny asks but it also leaves room for interpretation of it being very recent if it's Freyja because well... Severa's dead.

4. The origin of the characters with Pokemon names

This is stupid. I wanted to use a faceclaim with blue hair and I joked about naming him Azelf bc I was max lair hunting for a shiny Azelf in Pokemon Shield at the time. A friend said to do it - but give him the most normal last name ever. So I did and it was so funny to me that when I added him to the story and made Shaymin, Mesprit, Uxie, and their families, I stuck too it. Though, Mesprit's surname was made fancier because he's nobility now. (I should figure things out about nobility because really they're just rich and prominent families at the moment, save for the Spooks.)

5. Various comic / doodle ideas

I can't anatomy or color well but these are funny doodke ideas I've had.

- Pyrrhus works at KFC and vVan comes to annoy him

- Hibiki babysits a tamagotchi except it was designed specifically to torment him

- Various bodyswap shenanigans

- Lian as Big the Cat

- Celeste pushing Basil down the stairs

- Ray having a dream about Tsubasa growing around a foot and becoming taller than him, and waking up thinking 'Thank the Gods we're fully grown! No surprise growth spurts!' and then it either cuts to Tsubasa wishing on a star that he was over 6 foot and the star winks at him or there's a timeskip where all his friends, who were shorter than him, are at least an inch taller than him and Tsubasa has gone from 5'5" to 6'4". (Everyone getting taller than Ray after he prided himself on being the tallest throughout childhood is literally canon. Sorry Ray.)

6. Seidel siblings and avoidance

One thing that all 4 Seidel siblings have in common is that they will bottle things up until they can't anymore and, if able, avoid the root of a problem. But, when it comes to others and their problems, they wont stand by and will face the root for/with them if needed.

Ray's a very good actor - it's hard to tell how he's truly feeling but he is a crybaby and emotional so his tolerance for bottling things up is lower than the others'. Before the breaking point, however, only those really close to him can SOMETIMES see past the act.

Em wears his heart on his sleeve, so despite his insistence that everything is okay, it's not hard to tell when hes bottling something up because he's fidgety and his cheer is oftentimes forced.

Jo is less expressive, but when shes upset she does waver a bit, enough that its noticable to those paying attention. The longer it goes on, the more cracks start to appear. A sign is that she sighs a lot more and spaces out.

Leni, like Jo, isn't the most expressive, but she tends to be a bit more hotheaded when upset - she's a bit argumentative and defensive. At her breaking point she's prone to shouting and screaming in frustration. That said, if its extreme enough, she will sort of just shut down.

7. Should he kiss his boyfriend?

Hibiki: My boyfriend has poison breath, should I kiss him?

Miaki, his sister: It depends on how much control he has over his ability.

Mira, avid hater of the boyfriend: No. It might kill you, and to be honest, I really don't know what you see in him.

Rayden, his boyfriend: YES?!?!

Hibiki obviously goes with yes, kiss the boyfriend.

Rayden has good control over his powers.

Miaki is happy for them.

Mira still doesnt understand what's appealing about Rayden after she argues with him for nth time.

8. Ray facts

- Doesnt like to be touched without warning unless he trusts a person ir they are a small child. Trusted people include his family, KR-RA, some members of KR-RA's families, and close friends.

- Bites when not warned by people he isn't close to about being touched.

- Very affectionate person with those he is close to only.

- Actually a shy and emotional person, usually doesn't act unless someone he cares about is threatened. Very passive.

- When he's at a very low-low, instead of his looser clothes that reveal a shoulder, he covers himself up.

- Very hard to monitor because hes the type to act like everything fine - even his family and KR-RA have trouble seeing past the act until he cant hide it anymore

- Very anxious. not much self confidence

- Very very self concious about his looks and illnesses and being underweight

- Will neglect his own well being during low points

- Introverted

- Cannot stand being completely alone with his loved ones nowhere nearby fir prolonged periods of time

- Likes mmos and farming sims

- Alongside their whirlwind of a medical history, the Seidel family's teeth are very sharp despite being human and not creatura. Sometimes he bites during combat

- Heavy sleeper. Pain to wake up, even from a nightmare. Will bite if someone he isnt close to is waking him - especially up after a nightmare or night terror

- Soft spot for children

- Likes gardening, also likes painting + other arts and crafts

- 5 seperate medical professionals could tell him that it's okay for him to indulge himself and that he doesn't have to be so strict, especially since he's underweight and he would ignore it because he HATES medical talk. Even if they location of the conversation is far away from any medical facility. He's very afraid of death and losing his life due to his condition like Em and Jo.

9. A very sweet Tsubasa and Ray moment from the past

Sometimes Ray gets really anxious and shaky, though it's usually around the days the Em and Jo died or their birthday. It's not too hard to discern from whether or not its his sugar because when it happens he tends to cling onto those he cares about.

The twins were both 19 when they died, and Em died around Ray's birthday.

On Ray"s 19th birthday, Tsubasa comes over to the Seidel's house and had been planning on just giving Ray a gift and leaving. Ray's moms welcome him in but warn him that Ray might not want to see him and that he hasn't left his room ever since he went back upstairs. Tsubasa forces his way in, and there is no sign of Ray, save for the shivering form hiding underneath a blanket. Ray pokes his head out and Tsubasa sits by him and asks what was wrong.

It's obvious Ray has been crying before but when words start gushing out of his mouth, tears come too. He has been fearing getting older since he was little and after what happened to Em and Jo, it made those fears even worse because he's the same age as they were when it all happened and it's bound to happen to him eventually and so on and so forth..He rambles about everything he struggles with, especially with being extremely self conscious of his own body image and mannerisms

Tsubasa listenes. Ray hardly talks about how he really feels. If he does, it's usually because its obvious something is bugging him. But he's a great actor, and great at hiding things. so to hear him pour everything out like this, completely unprompted, with no prodding on Tsubasa's end, he knows that this has been kept inside for a looong time.

But he isn't good with words of comfort. Tsubasa dlesn't sugarcoat things unless absolutely necessary. He gives everyone mean nicknames. People are AFRAID of him! So, he doesn't say anything. But, if there is one thing he knows, it is that actions spoke louder than words. He may not know what to say, but he sure as hell knows what to do. He lies down, he wraps Ray in a hug, and tries to lure him into sleep.

It works, but against all the odds, Tsubasa also lures himself to sleep. Tsubasa Amanogawa, who has so much trouble falling asleep that sleeping medicines are oftentimes ineffective and many nights he just pulls an all nighter, falls asleep in his best friend's bed, cuddling him.

When he wakes up, it's to Kiku shaking him awake while Rin desperately tells her not to do so. She has a whole sob story about how she thought he was dead. Rin just sighs and apologizedls. They're cousins who are as close as siblings and Kiku is prone to overreacting, so he should have expected it, but Tsubasa can't help but feel angry at her for waking him up. The warmth of someone else is comforting and it is the best sleep he has had in years. But it's Kiku, so he holds back.

He doesn't want to leave but Adette wants him to come home for dinner, so he begrudgingly leaves Ray a note apologizing for leaving him so suddenly and promising to make it up to him when KRRRA (though not officially a team yet) gets together to celebrate both his and Renata's birthdays. Before they leave, Leni pulls him aside and thanks him, but she never tells him why before he leaves.

When Ray wakes up, he refuses to wash his sheets until Tsubasa's scent fades away because it helps him calm his anxieties and fall asleep. He keeps the note pressed in a highschool yearbook, and smiles every time he finds it while reminiscing.

[elaichoi]

the v v v first time i saw ur acct was when u had the yeonjun prive alliance layout ^3^ those reincarnation aus made me saur emo T^T

i luv that for u agghh<3 not that there's anything wrong w it,but i find it most satisfying when ppl get into kpop from kpop-genre songs rather than western-sounding kpop songs lol my first kpop artists were b2st (highlight) and t-ara hehe

mhm yea mayybbe! i know 100% why i don't post them and its cos i used to be consistent w posting on both kpop & personal socmed accts but mental health happens and i kinda stopped bc numbers make me want 2 cry lmfao

except im slightly less mentally ill since that time now and yk i actually genuinely do rlly want to start all my socmed accts up again but im putting it off bc im a bit of a perfectionist and so im lazy to be doing all dat... all of nothin :D don't call the orderly i'm fine ^_^ /lh

2019-21? ah probably not then i'm pretty sure i was in and out of the school roster (pls tell me if i am oversharing/trauma dumping/crossing any boundaries bc i genuinely do not know i no longer have any social skills T_T /gen /srs)

hm i'm not sure tbh i only followed the one 😭😭 i haven't been on wattpad in a long ass time and i remember i tried seeing what wattpad was like nowadays and was v disappointed w the ads and paid stuff (i think i don't remember). booooo 👎👎

omg wait that's so cool aaaaah!!! i changed my user a lot so i honestly could not tell u bc i have goldfish memory ;__; i do remember i had a user like taempons(_) i think it had an underscore idk don't remember but i changed it (kinda wish i saved it ngl) and oh one i do remember was peachyjihoons (my wannaone phase lmao) but yeah im pretty sure my most recent user was some based on some tumblr shit like svnshine or something idfk 💀💀

u are already a talented writer save some for the rest of us 👺 /j if u could also draw u would be too powerful 👁️👄👁️

omg THAT WAS MY FIRST LAYOUT TOO!! this account isn't that old tbh i still haven't gotten the feel of writing smuts as of yet that's why i havent been much active on it BUT WAIT REINCARNATION AU?!? from my main???

DUDE I LOVE B2ST!!!! and t-ara!!!!!!!! i really got into kpop slowly because i fell for kdrama at first (found replay in one of the kdrama edit lmao) so like my music journey has been very, very kpop ish. i think the global influence in most of kpop songs started to become mroe prominent during 2018?

bro i get you like the fear of starting the stuff you love because you feel like you won't be able to give it all and starting it and feeling it like you're gonna disappoint yourself. i hadn't started anything since like 2017 until recently because i was scared i was gonna stumble, or it won't be good ( well mostly that) or i won't be able to finish that. me and my bff still has this one project we started around like 2018 lmao we both still haven't finished it or picked it up bc we developed the idea sm and got so close to it that we fear writing it now.

not OVERSHARINH I WANNA KNOW!!! NO but like FR wattpad went through the biggest glow down IVE EVer seen like. it's legit LEGIT inhabitable. like at first you take away the newsfeed?!? like how am i gonna pine over other accounts now?!? and then everything became paid and shit like wtf is that?!

omg i wonder if I ever saw you on my explore page or tags bro fr this is so interesting my ig handle has always been one tbh it's @celestialsoo ( my intense love affair with kyungsoo era) like since the dawn of the day.

YOU LIE!!!!! i wish i could fr draw tho i want to draw my muses :///

[horizon-verizon]

*EDITED*

Now I know that this person loves show!Alicent more than book!Alicent, thinks they are the "better" written or appealing character, or has never read the book, or have really bad reading comprehension skills because they are so blinded by their need for the status quo to conquer all.

My arguments against the hashtags this hashtagger brings up (the very first hashtag was the only one that existed until I responded) is already argued against in the link of the reblog they refer to. but here are some other stuff:

"one person cannot be expected to act against an entire system" -- Viserys chose her. Rhaenyra didn't even request this at all, she merely pursued what was already given by the only authority this very system allows such authority: the King/monarch. This is true for both show and canon Rhaenyra. I argue how Viserys isn't actually being crazy or "breaking any laws" (as some people argue) when he installed Rhaenyra as his heir. Secondly, Rhaenyra isn't even that much of a rebel against the status quo canonically, she's actually still only a little bit less supported by her feudal heritage. She did not try to actively upend thousands of years of customs in any way shape or form for that sake of progressive ideals for others the way Dany or Aegon IV have. Also, her classism against Nettles is undeniable. Still, her coming to the throne would have set a strong precedent for female leadership, as we note with Arianne Martell, Daenerys Stormborn, etc, each trying to reclaim their rights to a seat of power. So I can only imagine that the real reason why my hashtagger dislikes Rhaenyra so is because of the perceived willful rebelliousness against "woman's" places as a submissive broodmare who always goes into a hard left when her rider tells her to turn, and they think change and room for more autonomy is just given to a person rather than it being taken.

Also, Rhaenyra isn't "alone" (in terms of fighting power) when she befriends Laena and marries Daemon, and becomes the beloved stepmother to his half-Velaryon kids. She was alone in the sense that her own father made it that much harder for her to have such support and even worked against her politcal needs (having more than even one child with Alicent, marrying Alicent [why a Hightower?, even if not Laena?!], didn't do more than make her listen on in councils, have her marry her uncle or at least someone who wasn't semi-secretly gay, more forcibly or firmly denigrate Alicent & the greens public/passive aggressive acts of ruining her reputation when she was a child-teen, etc.). At the same time, later the lords who bent the knee to her, fight for her even after she dies bc Viserys got them to swear to her AND made her at least go on one progress (even though I think this only happened to stave off rumors of her losing her virginity, it was also necessary for that reason). Try again.

So by hashtagger's arguments, Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Mary Queen of Scots, Empress Matilda, and basically every woman who has ever come to power in a patriarchal society that usually grants such powers to men exclusively, are all instant devils. Because they seized or kept power in their own right, away from men, and men who weren't that sane, great, or even better at ruling...okay.

In the 21st-century "liberal democracy", women also can't do as much as they should still. You still hear and may experience women being chased, being mauled, being killed for even daring to say "no" or making disgusted faces at catcallers or "pick-up artists" and it gets worse for those darker in skin color or racially different from white. Female/feminized products like some razors and tampons are way too expensive and in (corporate esp) workplaces, women also are saddled with fixing failing projects and then blamed for the projects' failures or others steal the credit for their success (glass cliff) do I even have to mention the war against abortion rights and the violence being done against trans women both off the sports field and on? The legal procedures today from enough conservative persons with real influence and positions pushing forward to make the age of majority 14 or so, or to make marriage available for those same 14-year-olds they obviously wish to rape and domestically imprison? Who do not want to abort a raped 10-year-old's fetus, because apparently, that is her fate, to die of childbirth before she even knows what it is to be a woman? Sure, this world is a "free" world for women.

BTW, by this logic of "one woman/person can't change" that wishes to denigrate any sort of resistance whether big or small against unfair discrimination or injustices and flouts against autonomy at the cost of the status quo/patriarchal authority, women from many more war-torn, extremist, or dictatorial regions should just....take it, yeah? Do nothing at all against their oppressors? One day, their oppressors will allow them to leave their countries without raping and mutilating their genitals by stuffing rocks into their vaginas if those women just stayed in their lane? Eventually, the "morality" police of Iran will deign to give women the right and safety to choose not to wear hijabs. Ha!

I also argue against the "Alicent does everything right" in THIS POST which the hashtagger barely argues against and just wishes to blow raspberries. Apparently, doing absolutely nothing for yourself for the sake of obeying the status quo means you are a good and righteous person....meanwhile, Alicent is the same woman who canonically wants to mutilate a child to save her and her son's life after said son killed the boy's mother, she herself told her 8-year-old granddaughter to go kill the same 10-year old kid for her personal revenge, she laughed at the news of a town getting sacked where girls as young as 8, etc were raped by soldiers....and in the show, is so stupid as to actually think that a torn-out page will make up for the threat of one's children's being taken hostage or thinks that her manipulative father only wants what's best for her and her kids.

"maybe she's jealous of rhaenyra but that doesn't mean that Rhaenyra behaved correctly" -- show!Alicent's jealousy stems from the same thinking that this hashtagger identifies as show!Rhaenyra's supposed lack of good ethics: refusal to totally obey her father's oppressive orders to the T and to his satisfaction as well as not try for autonomy or power in any way shape or form. Show!Alicent thinks she will enjoy some sort of freedom and happiness in obedience, and when she doesn't see Rhaenyra suffer as she does, she thinks that that licenses her to make others miserable. No, that doesn't sound like a person who is acting morally, just a person willing to sow actual evil to make themselves feel better. It is a purely selfish motivation and smacks of a woman who will do everything in her power to make sure another woman does not have what she secretly wants, but is herself too chicken (or dumb) to try and get it. Again, Alicent is the one who doesn't act ethically.

I already argue how show!Alicent is a stupid person filled with unjustified envy in the post I linked in the ask.

Hashtagger hates women and thinks that the only "good" woman is the victimized and obedient kind, and believes any hint of nonconformity or iota of resisting the status quo is inherently evil. They cannot fathom what a personality is when a vagina keeps clean of any penis apart from its bearer's husband's.

Therefore they are an Alicent stan when no one should be.

Alicent represents what happens to a woman who is totally subject to others' caprices/might=right/male-holy-grail and the subhumanness of womanhood patriarchies wish to instill into women to make them more amenable to manipulation. She is not even half of the woman you see in canon, who actually tries to gain power for herself through her son intentionally and with cunning.

Now to offset all this, I'd like to link and give an excerpt of what canon Rhaenyra means as a woman and narrative figure in ASoIaF from the user @azureflight of this POST:

I love this post so much! And it's not even all of it, go check it out whoever is reading!

You may ask why I don't talk about show!Rhaenyra. That's because I ALREADY DID in the post I keep saying I already linked. And this post is supposed to be against the notion that commentator pushes, that Alicent is this totally blameless actor while Rhaenyra is the main or sole evil actor.

It’s insanely repugnant how Alicent has the galls to preach about “duty and sacrifice” and insult Rhaenyra when she’s literally responsable for the death of her lover and father of her children. She tried to stab Luke when she played a role in the murder of his father. Girl, why don’t you tell them how Harwin really died ???

Her insane fans act like she’s so morally superior in the show, but really she’s just as disgusting as her book counterpart, she’s just now hypocrite and malleable. Talk about “upholding the law” but in the very same episode, she literally tells Larys, a kinslayer, to stick around because there will be a time when she needs his “skill and discretion.”

"hypocritical and malleable" -- It's okay, anon, you can say it: she's fucking stupid beyond the point of cunning.

I half jest. I knew what you meant. You're right, Alicent talks a big game about honor, duty, and "sacrifice"--presumably sacrificing oneself for the feudal order and its male leaders's direction and authority--but part of that Andal, Westerosi, feudal order and value system is no one should be kinslaying and she's allows a kinslayer to remain as safe as her other the other person she helped to avoid (if there ever was foing to be one) punishment for his breaking/troubling guest's rights the the rules of hospitality: Cole.

I wrote in this reblog demystifying (a little) of show! Alicent's motivations.

[samyanggs]

can you please do yandere headcannons for heimdall and buddha? (also srry if I did this wrong, it’s my first time requesting for anything)

ahhh sorry I just got out of school and is currently going home. Ty for the request! And you’re fine! I can do heimdall and Buddha Yandere headcanons. Ive got a headache tho so sorry if some of these doesn’t make sense I’ll edit it later on after my headache is gone (I can barely think rn so I’m sorry if this isn’t done to your liking)

Warnings: gore(?), mentions of violence(?), manipulation(?), mentions/implied kidnapping, and others (I don’t support any of these actions done in this, this is just for entertainment for fictional characters)

Yandere headcanons

Buddha

Where did you come from and why were you so goddamn pretty? EVERYTIME he saw you or talked to you he got even more mesmerised by you. You even went out of your way to get him some sweets to snack on. You were perfect, at least in his eyes. You deserved everything so he did whatever he could for you. And you only.

He absolutely hated seeing somebody other than him talk, flirt or even look at you. If they went missing the next day after looking at you? He totally didn’t have anything to do with it.. totally.. anyways how was your day?

Someone touched you? Even if it was a friendly touch? No. Nobody can touch you nobody but Buddha at least.. he’ll allow family members and close friends but if anyone gets too close or goes a bit too far? Gone, and maybe dead the next day.

God you were plaguing his mind and he couldn’t stop thinking about you. He wanted, craved and needed your touch. Doesn’t matter where, his hand? His arm? His head? He doesn’t mind. He just wants you.

He will actually give and devote his entire being to you if it meant that you would be with him forever. Numerous thoughts came to his mind EVERYTIME he thought about you. All of them, needy, wanting and craving for you.

You recently got a boyfriend? Oh. Seems that he was too late.. maybe he should just give up? … HAH never. He’s never going to give you up. You’re his and he’s yours. It goes both ways. If you already took his heart (despite unknowingly) he might as well take your heart too.. literally or metaphorically? yes.

Oh no.. your boyfriend broke up with you.. and now you’re crying in his arms.. would you like to stay with me? Do you need anything? You deserve someone better. He said hugging you, whispering in your ear. He comforted you. He made himself keep a straight and sympathetic face but he honestly couldn’t be any happier. Now that, that.. that person was out of the picture he might have a chance.

Let me take care of you. I can do it for you. Let me do it. He did everything for you.. everything that someone like a boyfriend would do to be exact. Was he doing this on purpose? Perhaps, but it was working, you started to become easily flustered, blushing and stuttering mess around him. You’re finally his. And only his.

Heimdall

Uhh hellooooo? Who were you exactly? And why did you catch his interest so goddamn fast with those amazing looks of yours? You seemed like a good person and you were so adorable and cute.. he couldn’t just let you go like that. He went up to you and made conversation and he was right. You were an amazing person AND you were cute and adorable, well to him at least.

He made sure to talk to you everyday until you got closer to him. You were in his mind 24/7 without stop, he even started dreaming about you! You were so perfect and you both fitted together like a puzzle piece.. you guys just clicked. He’d be damned if he couldn’t have you.

He saw someone talking to you and he got jealous.. maybe too jealous because the next thing he knew he had somebody tied up to a chair in his basement. The next, he was picking up a metal bat and beating the shit out of the guy. He put down the bat soon after thinking that it was enough for now and warned the guy if he ever tried to go near you, warn you, look at you or even breath the same air as you that he’d kill him. The guy quickly agreed, afraid of heimdall.

He loved seeing you smile so he tried his best to make you smile whenever. He wanted, needed, craved and lived for your smile. He will sell his soul to you if it meant that you would keep smiling so pleasantly to him.

He was so terribly jealous once he found out that you found a lover. However, just to make you happy he endured the pain, jealousy and rage that he had in his body anytime he saw or heard your boyfriends name.

Your boyfriend cheated on you? Ok. Now your boyfriend was hurting you? It was bad when you both were together anyways but now he’s cheating on you? Thats the trigger. He comforted you, holding you close relishing in your warmth and touch whispering sweet nothings to you as he planned out how he was going to murder talk to him.

If your “boyfriend” suddenly disappeared the next day, he had no idea on who did it! He swears! But it was okay now. At least your boyfriend won’t hurt you anymore. A small price to pay for your happiness..