#that was a whole appointment
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At this point I hope the next time will be successful, either in that I do manage to leave or I do something so bad it can't just be brushed off and I have to get any form of help since I cannot keep going like this
#how many times have i gone through this now?#how many times do i have to be lied to#is there a limit to the number of suicide attempts and being able to get help? because for the last couple hours ive been so scared#what am i doing to me? why cant i stop it?#why is it that what i say is read as lies to them?#how many times must i beg because no one believes me. what makes me seem a liar#the delusions consume me and only in the times i can see it can i aks for help. but no. its all lies. because its so obviously false#what must i do to be heard#i regret saying anything about being trans#because that's such an easy excuse for them#yeah. havent spoken to you and no intention of listening. but you tried to kill yourself because youre trans#that was a whole appointment#the fear because even if i wanted help when suicidal (which isnt often because of trauma and delusions) i wont get any and i could just die#fuck them and their suicide prevention. where is it?#its traumatic enough going through an attempt. worse when the reality hits you at the lowest of times#it will happen before sunday thats for sure. best time to do it#the way they defend each other when they say something awful and i just want an apology or for someone to acknowledge it isnt kind
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There's one in every friend group (and we love them).
Bonus--Confused Nick is confused:
#isaac and imogen we're with you šÆ#yes nick you absolutely do#and yes charlie we want all the details#tao the king of getting involved and self-appointed sex ed expert you are killing the vibes here#charlie was gonna dish!#nick says no but really he's just SO happy to have friends to talk to about this#can you imagine if darcy got in on these conversations? āgood job. carry on.ā#i love this friend group with my whole heart#heartstopper#heartstopper netflix#heartstopper series#alice oseman#osemanverse#nick nelson#nick x charlie#narlie#charlie spring#nick and charlie#heartstopper season 3#season 3 heartstopper#heartstopper s3#heartstopper parallels#s3 heartstopper#imogen heaney#isaac henderson#joe locke#kit connor#tobie donovan#rhea norwood#tao xu
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Iāll just go to head office and explain it all.
#me practicing before calling the doctor's to make an appointment#((yes i did make this whole thing for 'me old mate'))#good omens#gomens#aziraphale#aziraphale fell#michael sheen#good omens 2#my gifs#gifs: good omens
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SY transmigrates but the system tells him he's going into SQQ and he gives that a hard pass, so it drops him in the body of a little demonic lizard in the Endless Abyss and then says "well since you right want to participate, you're on your own" and leaves him.
Which, rude.
So SY is an Abyssal Lava Gecko. They live in lava floes and nest in caves made by air bubbles forming in the lava and then cooling enough to solidify into walls. They don't need to eat, they photosynthesize off of the intense heat, but if they do eat, they produce venom powerful enough to paralyze a heavenly demon.
They're also all of 4 inches long.
Nevertheless, SY starts cultivating furiously so that wren LBH gets dropped in the Abyss, he's powerful enough to survive outside of the lava without starving or getting eaten himself.
He succeeds.
Sort of.
He finds the crater from LBH falling in, conveniently for him, it's next to a river of lava. This is less convenient for LBH who is unconscious and getting crispy.
As a lizard, he licks LBH's face to wake him up. He doesn't wake LBH up, but ingesting HD blood pushes him past his cultivation bottleneck!
Yes!
He transforms into a human!
...
He's only 4 inches tall.
#svsss#bingyuan#he proceeds to yell and smack lbh on the nose until he wakes up#then sy appoints himself as an abyssal tour guide#lbh doesn't trust this creature#but he could also swallow him whole so he's not too intimidated#lbh starts coming around when sy as a lizard paralyzes a beast trying to kill him#and his advice IS always spot on#by the mid point sy is riding on lbh's shoulder to give him advice (and so much praise. sy has no idea he's saying that out loud)
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"hey wasn't kaveh's birthday almost a week ag-" silence boy. time is an illusion, boy.
#assume that his birthday dinner was temporarily delayed due adult responsibilities . perhaps people had Appointments. you never know#also#i wanted to finish this first#but my next post will be the prompt i was assigned for the haikavetham gotcha for gaza ^^#very excited to get to that :3#haikaveh#kavehtham#haikavetham#kaveh#genshin kaveh#kaveh genshin#assume that the whole gang is there sitting around the table tbh#my art
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Lan Wanyin, from a Zhancheng role swap cooked up with @limitbreaker23 š
#I. have. soooooooo many thoughts abt this au#primarily the effed up dynamics between jc and lxc/lqr and between lwj and the whole jiang family#jcās not the primary heir this time but heās got the same need for positive parental support (that he still doesnāt get) that motivates him#yzy hates her kids no matter what and she just sees lwjās quietness as cowardice#made even worse by wwx being his self-appointed mouthpiece throughout their childhood which she HATES#i just#SO MANY THOUGHTS#mdzs#zhancheng#chengzhan#jiang cheng#mdzs art#my art#and yes#he plays an erhu because I say so#cloud switch au
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husbandās reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster āin the queenās nameā in 1483 ā only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/āfeminineā than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her āreassessmentsā tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#my wife is here to visit for a whole week this time :)#I mean. I also have some very important and stressful appointments she's gonna drive me to.#so it's not Ideal.#but I'd have those appointments whether she was here or not and I'd rather have her here.
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THERAPIST: āThat's all the paperwork dealt with. So! What brings you here today?
LIGHT: Myā¦ My friend passed away a few weeks ago.
THERAPIST: Oh. I'm really sorry to hear that. How do you feel about it?
LIGHT: Wellā¦Ā awful? (laughs self-deprecatingly) I'm, umā¦Ā I'm okay, I think. I haven't had the urge to hurt myself, or anything like that. Butā¦Ā I do miss him.
THERAPIST: Would you like to talk about him?
LIGHT (INTERNALLY): This is a campus-licensed therapist and shouldn't leak any information to my father or the rest of the task force, but I can't let myself off guard and spill anything. Light Yagami is grieving his friend right now, so it's only natural he'd sayā¦
LIGHT: N-not really. No. Can weā¦Ā just skip to the evaluation part?
THERAPIST: Of course.
LIGHT (INTERNALLY): Heh. So easyā¦Ā Almost too easy.
#this was going to be a buildup to a joke but then i realized i was going to have to actually write a whole therapy appointment for that#and i couldnt find the form for my university that i was imagining light having to go through#where the therapist is like ''have you had thoughts of killing yourself or others''#and light is like. no :)#light yagami
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It's such a huge scam that medical and dental are separate insurances. Assuming my insurance doesn't pull a last minute 'fuck you', I'll be at deductible after my surgery, so my physical therapy should be covered, but if I need any fillings or gum grafts or other dental repairs from all the damage the braces and surgery have done? Nope those are on a different insurance and dental doesn't have a maximum out of pocket
#honestly I should have kept track but this whole ordeal is going to cost over 10k out of pocket#even with insurance and assuming nothing dental-wise goes wrong#5k for the braces 4k for my deductible and then a whole bunch of surgeons appointments the cat scan etc#at least said 10k has been spread out over 4 years because this shit is DRAGGING but still#could've done other things with that money
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i lovee loser rindou so much i donāt care if u guys think itās ooc or something that bitch canāt talk to women for the life of him it doesnāt matter if heās always out he just canāt unless ran literally forces him to itās so cute to me i want to embarrass him so bad LIKE HELLOOOO
#.āļø ŻĖ#yesss i want that mf to have a messy room and smells like alcohol with cheap cologne#heās liek those guys who do a whole 360 for a girl heās in love with like suddenly has washed hair ironed clothes manicured nails#I WANT HOPELESS ROMANTJC RINDOU bye#guh. whatever#iām not saying loser in an incel way but he has like 50 posters in his room some action figures comics and like weird ass gadgets#BAND POSTERS BTW not like freak ass girls ones id fucking put his head on a stick#he goes and watches sonic 3 by himself#i have an appointment to get ready for but iām saying this shit instead#i canāt even go into details i need to make a side blog or something#yeah letās do that#i canāt write but i can talk my shit#rindou haitani
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somehow, by some miracle, i ended up catching stomach flu and ive been having a GREAT time befriending the toilet seat and every bottles i could reach to read the contents of siNCE MOTHERFUCKING YESTERDAY GEMME OUTTA HERE MY ASSHOLE FEELS LIKE IM HAVING UNPREPPED ANAL SEX
#nobu.nobu.chat#will not recommend#didnt even get a good sleep#and my schools gonna start on monday too#and i have a hair and nail appointment tmrw#spent a whole damn roll of toilet paper WITHIN ONE FUCKING DAY
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doodle idea: Bruce cookin up something good?
he's cooking a mystery camping soup (no one but him knows exactly whats in it but it's tasty!)
#bruce just becomes the appointed family cook#no i think they'd take turns (except for floyd)#(not because he's recovering or anything. he's just a disaster in the kitchen)#answered#vrfreeman#trolls#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#art#trolls fanart#trolls bruce#trolls floyd#trolls branch#trolls clay#trolls jd#trolls john dory#artists on tumblr#my art#this one got away from me a little bit KJSGHJ i was planning a whole other drawing of only bruce. had a rough draft & everything#& then doodled a lil family camping trip and went ''oh let me line this real quick''#and ''let me try out this watercolor brush real quick''#and well. here we are LMAO#fanart
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I had... a lot of medical trauma that I could tell was building up but I wasn't feeling. Compartmentalizing and all. New song about Viktor released and uhhhh I found where I had stashed those feelings.
(Might spend an hour or two sobbing). Holy fuck the subject matter has ended up coinciding with my medical stuff so often.
Really feeling Viktor's storyline a lot more after the whole almost dying (multiple times) thing.
So much I need to explore in journaling about :
Fear of being a 'bad' person at the worst of my symptoms
Fear over letting other people decide to stay or leave
The realization that it's not actually all fine and okay for me to go through all my medical stuff alone (especially when I have a long-term partner)
What my body means to me (positive, negative, expression, pain, others' perceptions, etc.)
The grief over things other than death in disability. New fears, experiences others might not share, new perspectives on taboo topics
What it means that I've become a different person as my disability has shaped my experiences, my identity, my social circle... everything.
#glad for it because genuinely that was probs gonna all hit me at a bad time#i knew as soon as the schedule was released that today would be hell#cardiology appointment taking up the whole day and then arcane finale the same night#im just really fucking going through it#im not actively dying anymore btw#pretty sure i can avoid that for a good bit#but like!!!! i almost died!!! and still i have a hard time even believing im really sick and not just lying#chronic illness#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#disability#viktor#arcane s2#arcane season two#medical trauma#personal#alexia talks too much
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Doctor Who report! We finished S8 and we loved it, Twelve is great! This season started really strong for us, we loved "Listen" and there were many fun episodes!! sadly the "kill the moon" episode also happened and it was such a mess that we are going to pretend it never did lmao I'd rather talk about what I loved instead and that is Missy!! HELLO?? I always enjoy The Master so this was such a treat!! I love her I hope she comes back next season!! Clara's and Danny's character development on the other hand we didn't enjoy as much and we felt it kind of went downhill since the moon episode but I'm curious to see where Clara's arc is going from here. I love Capaldi so damn much!! Also the 60 anniversary special is coming out tomorrow and we are so excited!! š I need to draw so many things about this show already but things keep getting in the way AAA I have a ton of deadlines, a few events to attend to and a trip on top of it all next week so I'm losing my mind but I will have some art and stuff to share soon I promise!! I hope you are all doing well, I love reading your comments and opinions and I'm very grateful for the messages!!
#DW report#personal#doctor who#I can't believe they regenerated the master into a hot middle aged woman in victorian clothes are you kidding me!! this was for me#I need to cosplay as her I have to make irresponsible financial choices right now I have to support women's wrongs#they should have let them kiss as Ten and John Simm too but I'll take this#their relationship couldn't be any worse it's amazing I love it#and apparently Missy has a whole audio series about her? I have to get my hands on it#also unrelated but does anyone know how to reduce swelling of lymph nodes!! I look very strange and I will have pictures taken soon š#I can't get a dr appointment before mid december uueuweu#nips blogs
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MARVEL RIVALS NEW SEASON DROPS ON MY BIRTHDAY LETS FUCKIGN GO????????
#marvel rivals#snap chats#DUDES I WIN I WIIIIN I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT HAPPENS THIS WEEK I WIN#//THROWS UP//#OUGH fiiiine since youre twisting my arm ill share my birthday plans !!!!!!#im gonna head into the city with my bro and check out this taiyaki place and then we'll prob swing by midtown comics or somn#then go home .... hell yeah ... maybe get birthday sushi from my fave All You Can Eat place YOU KNOW WHATS HEINOUS#wait i shared this story already. whatever im sharing it again YOU KNOW WHATS HEINOUS#I WENT THERE RECENTLY AND ONE OF THE WAITRESSES WAS LIKE 'oh you're back ! i recognize you :)'#lady HOW. the last time i was here was what. NOVEMBER ive only been there FOUR times. TWO with my brother#and ONE TIME BALD WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE#i guess not a lot of people go into an all-you-can-eat alone like three times and order the whole menu but i digress#i was very touched all things considered. like wdym someone remembered me... stop...#ANYWAYS my brother has a dentist appointment in the morning so i will be spending All Morning playing until he's free#then we'll go to the city prob by like what. 1???? whatever...#im so excited for the new rivals season i wanna know what the rest of the skins are so bad...#lest i speak any more on the wanda one SHE'S SO PRETTY IM GONNA BE FUCKING SICK !!!! I'M GONNA BE SICK#anyways byyyee im gonna do more work so i can celebrate my bday with a peaceful mind !!!!
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