#that tag could not be more irrelevant rn

[e77y]

Trying to fix my resume ☝️🤓 Small problem: I sound like a loser no matter what

[terresdebrume]

Work is kinda hectic rn, my knees are NOT liking how much traveling between floors I have to do, and I am missing sleep like crazy so my WIPs are staying largely untouched but I HAD to push out this concept for a maybe-someday fic in the I'm down on my knees universe

Written for the free square day of @painlandweek . Have some hurt/comfort ft Charles and how he feels about his mum. Also belatedly tagging @ghostinthelibrarywrites bc I think you'll enjoy it and I accidentally posted a thing that was meant to stay a draft again xD

Charles is sitting on the doorstep. It's almost eight PM on a weeknight, Edwin is just back from a fun-study session—which is really just Maren's way of saying she wants beer with her textbooks—tired, brain swimming with texts of law, and more than a little tipsy... And Charles Rowland is sitting on his doorstep. His building's doorstep. The difference is irrelevant.

Caught off guard, Edwin blinks, and stares at Charles.

He is curled up on the ground, spine back in that parenthesis shape it had back in school. His elbows are on his knees, hands buried into the hair at the back of his neck, his eyes closed. Edwin takes in the tension in Charles' shoulders, the way the fading sunlight catches the green vines tattooed on his left forearm, the slow, deliberate depth of movement around his ribcage, and decides against calling out to him. Instead, Edwin walks up to him until Charles can no longer ignore the footsteps, and waits for him to speak.

"Hi," Charles says, muffled, from between his elbows.

"Hi," Edwin replies, chest twisting when the last hope he had that Charles was just a bit tired evaporates like rhum from a flambé.

He steps forward again, then ignores the fresh layer of summer dust on the steps and sits down next to Charles, deliberately picking a position that makes their hips and shoulders touch. Charles leans into it immediately, turning a light contact into solid pressure, and Edwin sighs. Things could be worse.

"I did not expect you tonight," Edwin prompts, trying to make himself as gentle as he can.

Tuesday nights are when Charles and Niko's dance classes take place. Edwin has never known either of them to miss one, so Charles' presence here is one more sign that whatever is going on is not to be taken lightly. As if to confirm Edwin's suspicions, Charles sighs, and mumbles:

"I ran into my mum."

Edwin freezes. For some reason, in the few months since he and Charles reunited, it never quite clicked for him that Charles' parents, for all that Charles hasn't had any contact with them for nearly eight years now, exist in the same world they do. London is such a large, dense city, it is easy to make your life in a corner of it and never step outside its boundaries. Edwin's parents certainly treat Kensington like an insular country only worth leaving for the richer shores of Mayfair, when they deign to visit the capital at all. Just like Edwin and Charles existed less than ten minutes away from each other for months without having a clue, the possibility of him running into Mr. or Mrs. Rowland by accident did not even cross Edwin's mind. Nor Charles', from the look of things.

"That must have been a shock," Edwin says.

He does not know enough to infuse more feelings into his response. Charles, for all that he shares his smiles, his affections and the chief of his worldly possessions freely, has remained incredibly tight lipped about his past. The summary of what Edwin knows of Charles' youth is quite easy to make.

Fact the first: at the age of sixteen, not one term into his stay at St. Hilarion's School for Boys, Charles Rowland jumped into a pool full of a deadly allergy trigger to save Edwin's life.

Fact the second: for the remainder of that school year, Charles endeavoured to make Edwin's life as painless as possible. His presence remains, by far, the brightest highlight of Edwin's adolescence.

Fact the third: at the age of seventeen, or near enough, Charles ran away from what he described as a bad home situation exactly once and proceeded never to mention again. It is Edwin's understanding that Charles may have escaped with nothing but the clothes on his back that day.

Two of those facts, Edwin knows because he was a direct witness to them, and the third was only shared with him because he accidentally made it an implicit condition to renewing his acquaintance with Charles.

Charles Rowland is not an emotional sharer, and Edwin is sort of at a loss.

"Yeah," Charles mumbles after a beat. "It was a bloody shock alright."

Edwin bites on his bottom lip, resisting the urge to push his fists together.

"Would you like to talk about it?" He asks, hoping his voice conveys the appropriate mixture of care and caution.

Charles shrugs, sniffing and rubbing his face against one of his forearms. Edwin bites his lip a little harder, and cautiously raises his right hand to place it on Charles' back. He feels and sees the muscles tense, Charles arching his back like an angry cat for the half second it takes Edwin to take his hand back.

"I apologize," he says, hand hovering uselessly above Charles' shoulder blades, "I wanted—"

"Neck's fine," Charles mumbles, low enough that Edwin almost misses it.

He swallows thickly, pausing when the upstairs neighbors walk by with puzzled faces. Edwin doesn't quite glare at them but it's a near thing, and he turns back to Charles the second they're out of view.

"Alright," he says. "Neck, then."

He only touches two fingers to the nape of Charles' neck at first, trying to keep it light, but that makes Charles tense again so he changes to a more present grip, palm flat and only just brushing with the edge of Charles' hair. Charles doesn't move into it this time, but he doesn't flinch away either. Edwin feels Charles take a deep, soundless breath, like a swimmer before a dive, and braces.

"I. She asked how I was," he exhales at last, and the wind rushes out of Edwin's lungs with a punched out sound. "I haven't seen her in over seven years and she—"

Charles takes a shuddering breath, sharp and painful sounding, and his voice sounds utterly broken when he says:

"He used to beat me up, you know."

Edwin, who hadn't known but kept the possibility in his mind like a bad thorn, bites down on a sympathetic hiss and leans a little harder against Charles instead, stretching so he can lean his forehead against the back of Charles' skull.

"Charles, I'm so sorry," he murmurs, free hand grasping around until it can find the jut of Charles' left knee, and wrap his fingers around it, squeezing with as much reassurance as he can muster.

He wishes, abruptly, that he'd thought to take Charles inside before he started this talk. They both deserve better than the front step of Edwin's building, where another pair of neighbors gawks at them as they walk past. Yet, now that they're here, Edwin wouldn't cut Charles off for all the gold in the world. He fears with an intensity he didn't know he was capable of, that interrupting Charles now would send him back into his usual reserve, and Edwin knows with absolute certainty that he will go to great lengths to prevent that from happening.

"She never—every time he did it," Charles says, almost choking on the words, "she'd just stand—she didn't do anything! And now—now she—"

A long fit of coughing cuts Charles off, wracking his body and shaking Edwin's head even as he tightens his hold on Charles, as if he could make up for his childhood with how much he loves him.

"I'm so sorry," he tells Charles. "You deserved so much better."

Charles' cough subsides, melting into shuddering, soundless sobs that Edwin wants to take into his ribs and hide from the rest of the world. He straightens up and, as gently as he can, guides Charles to lean against him harder until his frame his half cradled in Edwin's arms.

"It's not bloody fair," Charles manages between sobs, gulping air like he's drowning, shaking against Edwin.

Edwin breathes in, tears crowding at the corner of his eyes, and holds Charles closer. He wishes, so desperately, that he could love him enough to erase the past and make all the pain go away.

"I love you," he says instead, recklessly, pressing a kiss into the side of Charles' hair. "I know it doesn't make anything better, but I love you."

They sit like this for a long time, Charles crying and Edwin rocking him lightly like a child, until things finally calm down enough that Charles is ready to go upstairs for tea. They drink it out of the blue mugs Monty bought when he and Edwin moved in, quietly sitting on the couch in one of those strange bubbles of relieved fragility that comes after a crisis. For a long while, they sit in silence on Edwin's couch.

Then Charles sighs, long and tired, and leans sideways until he can rest his head on Edwin's shoulder, one arm looping around his waist.

"I love you too, mate," he sighs, making Edwin freeze. "And it does make things better that you love me."

Edwin, his heart singing from Charles' declaration and bleeding from the way he meant it, nods, and drinks his tea.

[inchidentally]

JSYK I'm with you on containment breaches. Tends to go hand in hand with girlfriend harassment too. Countdown to Rebecca's account going private in 3..2..1

I can't remember which post I left tags on about that but yeah the "corporatization" of any rpf always spells trouble. it's why I don't rb any of it from the main F1/Netflix/sports accounts. LN4 media doing it is I assume with Lando's OK but even there it's a bit... uncomfortable.

rest behind a cut so nothing goes into tags

(this is probably way more than you were asking for anon but apparently these text posts is what I do now)

look. carlando was my main ship when I got into F1 fandom and is going to stay in my top 3 forever. but I keep the lines drawn nice and sharp. I l-o-v-e shipping them but I'm also aware that they're literally big brother/little brother and that all of the physicality and closeness is identical to Charles with Arthur. that and the fact that Carlos is sahuuuuuper straight and folks just confuse euro dude behavior with friends for gayness. Carlos was the one who pushed for Lando to grow up and get a gf and Carlos himself was practically engaged for 6 or 7 years. his own sister gave Isa her wedding bouquet ffs. he's so confirmed heterosexual that he can't be alone for more than 2 seconds between girlfriends lol

but between McLaren content on social media getting absolutely bombarded with irrelevant carlando comments and the hate toward Rebecca ramping up every single damn day (I'd say it's a solid 80/20 mostly of rpf hate toward her and the remaining being plain old jealousy) idk it's not feeling good rn. and it's mostly on IG and a bit on YT (I don't use twitter) but yikes at how much Lando content has something about 'he's thinking about Carlos' or 'omg just like Carlos' or carlando when it's nothing to do with carlando. Lando works so incredibly hard at the two to three careers he's running consecutively and it feels pretty damn insulting to reduce him to one F1 friend - however close they are. Carlos has nothing to do with Quadrant or Lando's YT work or his own sponsorship work. that's Lando doing all of that.

that and when the Today show interviewer pushed the "bromance" angle you could see Lando get kind of fed up (which they tried to edit out) and steer the question back around to actual racing. tbh he even seemed a little icked by DTS making such a big deal about carlando and he and Max joked it off.

even through my Singapore euphoria I could tell Carlos and Lando were walking media ppl back from going too literal with the DRS and saying no, it was advantageous for Carlos and yes, Lando absolutely would've overtaken him if he could have gotten the win for himself. I've actually really respected Lando reminding people that they're not in these rarefied positions to do anything other than try to win or as close to it as possible. they're not making millions and living the high life just to throw race results in the air and play favorites with their friends !!??

and this whole "competition" between carlando and dando/charlos/landoscar/whatever is absolutely not making it's way onto my blog lol. I do know that a lot of people in tumblr are just joking when they do that and I think the 'angst' posts are funny but wow IG and YT are not playing around. they're making videos trying to like disprove other Lando ships and it's ??? (funniest one is the Vegas opening ceremony thing and fighting over who Lando was waving to, Daniel or Carlos) these dudes are absolutely not having real life in-fighting about which of their friends they like "better" or who is their bestest friend. (especially when Lando in the same interview as above stated that F1 drivers - Carlos included - are not his actual private life friends so uh oh how does that play into the competition?? it's so absurd)

I'm not a wives and girlfriends obsessive but I absolutely I am not here for them receiving anything negative from F1 fans unless they themselves have instances truly, openly as problematic as the drivers often are. even then I'm wary bc the sexism motive and double standards run so deep in fandom against women. Rebecca has done nothing but exist as Carlos' gf and it's just a sea of "there's something fake about her" and "body experts" claiming the relationship is fake and that she's "obviously a beard" while he's actually with Lando. that last part craaaaacks me tf up because these men travel to Middle Eastern countries where homosexuality has the death penalty or prison.......... they are NOT gonna be out here referring to themselves publicly as a bromance and their ship name if they're trying to keep this huge gay secret while they tour maximum home o'fobic countries???

I have a few extra thoughts about why folks have especially latched onto being proprietary about which men Lando is closest to or "should be with" when it comes to rpf but I feel like we all kinda know why. I'm over here writing pages of text about him which is lame in it's own way - but even I acknowledge that his greatest attraction as a person is himself and not his relationships to other people. it's why he's the sun that a lot of this content orbits around.

I'm also genuinely glad that Lily's existence and Oscar's quiet but firm reminders of her arrived alongside the landoscar fandom happening. I don't personally see any hate toward her and no one's in denial. even the rare fic that has him and Lily fictionally break up is fully fair to her. I've also posted a lot about how I genuinely love real life Lando and Oscar interaction even more than the rpf (and I love the rpf lol) and honestly the feeling seems shared with a lot of us from what I've seen. so especially if Lily uses her engineering degree to start working in F1 it's good to know that she won't have to deal with crazed conspiracy theories about her being an F1 industry plant to keep Oscar's dick out of Lando's hole or whatever.

for anyone who's read this far or skipped to the end tldr I'm always going to ship carlando and landoscar (and even dando) as well as charlos. but as a carlando shipper I really hope the commodification of it dies down before it truly starts to piss off Lando or Carlos. or Carlos has to put his foot down like Lando did and say hey, stop harassing my girlfriend it's weird.

shit's just been feeling very 'forced' lately to the point of imploding and I'm uncomfy :/

[cloudy-dayys]

hiiii new followers from twitter! ik twitter is a disaster rn, im glad y'all are moving platforms to keep urself going. tumblr is very different and it takes time getting used to!

just a couple facts you should know for tumblr:

customize ur blog! dont leave it as the default colors, pictures, and writing. me and other ppl will think ur a bot and block you

use tags on ur posts! theres a special tag section whenever you create a new post, add the tags for whatever you like there so you can reach out to a larger audience and gain traction! u can also just use them to ramble ur thoughts on or organize ur posts (as do i)

make sure ur tags are relevant to you/the post. you dont want to flood tags or sections on tumblr with irrelevant art, writing, or posts.

please reblog posts/art! there is no algorithm for tumblr, we all rely on reblogs to have our stuff be seen. likes will not get us anywhere like twitter could

customize ur settings, make sure ur privacy is protected and u have things hidden u want no one else to see! you can leave submissions, dms, and asks on if u want ppl to participate with your blog

be careful of bots! they're rampant here, dont click on any links you dont know or trust. bots can appear in your dms, ask box, and comments of your post. delete and block em

be careful if u post mature content, tumblr will flag it immediately

also be careful of discourse on this website too, it can be buried and you have no idea what u might be getting into if u follow someone. watch out for terfs, proshippers, bigots, etc. dont give them attention, save yourself the energy!

hide/filter posts you dont want to see! in settings, you can hide tags in the filtering section so you dont have to see anything that could be discourse, triggering, or mature!

dont interact with ads or possible corporate accounts! we all hate them, dont like, reblog, or follow their content.

curate ur online experience! follow tags you want to see more of! dont be afraid to block people you dont want to see! dont engage in content that is harmful to you or that you just dont like! if ur on ur home feed and see a post be suggested to you that you don't want, go to the 3 dots on the post and click 'not interested'. remember, you have power over your experience online

have fun! im open to answer any questions y'all have.

[starfishdough]

tagged by @nick-cassidy to answer the tag game! thank u!!

1. Do you make your bed?

only when my parents make me to :3

2. Favourite number?

8! I thought it was rlly cool when I first learnt that if u look at 8 in a different way it becomes ∞ (in primary school?) and it has been my fave since then.

3. What's your job?

still a student so no job experience.

4. If you could go back to school, would you?

prbly no. but if I have to I'd like to go back to high school cuz I spent half of the time during quarantine :( would like to make up for the lost time

5. Can you parallel park?

no. (sometimes in games

6. Do you think aliens are real?

yes...? I mean not the way alexander rossi is but still.

7. Can you drive a manual car?

no(never)

8. Guilty pleasure?

I used to support Atletico Madrid (not sure if that counts but I DO FELT GUILTY lol) & secretly being a john mayer enjoyer& reading tons of yaoi

9. Tattoos?

not yet but I'll def get one (maybe more) in the future

10. Favourite colour?

used to be blue but purple now I think? (obviously its not related to a idol group that I stan)

11. Favourite type of music?

Its hard to choose but I listen to r&b and indie music the most

(this is completely irrelevant but charli xcx's new album BRAT is out today!go listen pls!!)

12. Do you like puzzles?

yes! but maybe not enough to make me finish all the ones I got rn(

14. Favourite childhood sport?

I used to play some volleyball but never been good at it

but I do enjoy skating and cycling a lot!

15. Do you talk to yourself?

yesss. sometimes aloud when I'm alone.

16. Tea or coffee?

Tea! I drink both every day but coffee is only for the refreshment

17. First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

sth who lives at the north/south pole(polar bears/penguins/seals etc.

not relevant again but I truly believed I can become the president (yup not the coach. president.) of a football team when I'm like 11or12 lol

18. What movies do you adore?

In general I watch most of the animated movies and also a lot of R-rated movies. among them prbly inside out and seven psychopaths are my favourites!

btw I'm quite into mexican movies recently🤠

I'm tagging @lost-decade @settecamara and @zeraparker if u guys would like to! feel free to respond! (many mutuals seem have already done this hehe )

[lavellane]

i love my mutuals so much :(

[majicmarker]

hypothetically, if a lurking fan had written a little hellcheer demisexual smut fic (with strong stream-of-consciousness ADHD vibes [every thought comes with a bonus thought!]) for you, but didn't really want to post it publicly, how would they go about doing that? and, relatedly – how does one overcome the crippling fear of posting their fics publicly? asking for a friend x

FIRST OF ALL... *eyeballs emoji* *eyeballs emoji* etc., etc., ad infinitum

b.) you're welcome to DM me in the little chat function and mayhaps i could offer up my email (but that is admittedly iffy, just, for privacy reasons on both of our parts). BUT ALSO, you can post anonymously to ao3! which, if that’s your comfortability rn, i recommend so hard, becaaaaause—

numero tres: we need more demi eddie in the tag pleeeeeease with rainbow sprinkles on top, i'm BEGGIN. obvs i can't speak for everyone except myself and also @agentmmayy @carry-the-sky gonna go out on a limb here and say @152glasslippers too, we're thirstin for certified virgin + demisexual disaster eddie munson who does in fact have a religion and it's worshipping the ground chrissy cunningham walks on (we're talkin slo-mo, we're talkin dreeeeeeeeeam weeeeeeeeaver 🎶 i believe you can get me through the niiiiiIIIIiiight, we're talkin sudden and drastic changes to the boy's blood pressure, okay u see where i'm goin with this)

4.) in that same vein, i'm gonna be honest here and hopefully it's like, inspirational, or something, but i have hand to dolly never had any qualms, never any second thoughts or hesitations, about sharing my writing. i think, for me, it's always been The Thing that i love, and at least ummmm 47% of my personality is dreamy idealistic goofball who believes that love—in any and all of its variations—is all you really need to get through shit.

writing has always made me feel good, so if i can pour that out and share it with other people, well, that's just second nature to me to do that. and it's evolved, too, into this thing where i truly and adamantly believe that writing, first and foremost, should be for the writer—you need to put your wants first, otherwise, like, what are you even doing, yk? just feeding into trends and algorithms and mass market appeal that can and will change like that *snaps fingers*, blech, i'd rather sell my soul for a mcchicken, but, anyway, point being...

just, figure out exactly what it is you're afraid of. because honestly, if that fear is other ppl's opinions, i'm tellin you, that's so irrelevant. i know it doesn't feel that way but, take it from someone who spent a looooooong time, long time, trying to curate my work into something that was wholly for others without ever asking myself hey asshole is this even what you want to be writing in the first place? (answer: no it was not.)

like i think, at a certain point, you really do have to go into creating anything with a very fuck it i'm ballin kind of attitude. like, you need to find your fulfillment and you need to have fun, and i promise you that other ppl are going to feel that in your work, bc that's the shit that makes you shine.

(also um quick postscript but i love you for doing this for me. that's so kind and so rad and honestly like, even if the rest of this has been nothing but a mixed bag of buttered-caramel-cheese popcorn with no discernable rhyme or reason, THAT energy you've got there is worth sharing)

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

🥳🌈🐸 FIC WRITER TAG GAME🐸🌈🥳

hello everyone! i was tagged by the absolutely lovely @palimpsessed to take part in this, so here i go!

(ps i’m not gonna tag anyone, just say i tagged you if you see this and wanna take part ;p) ((pps i’m actually gonna tag @faeryphilia and @mostlymaudlin tho. my babes <3 my mutuals <3 my dears <3)) (((ppps you can still say i tagged you. muah have a nice day :3)))

How many works do you have on AO3?

21 works :) although, some of them are just rants and thank you letters, so i don’t think they all count :)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

about 60,082 words!! holy shit balls!! that’s crazy!!

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

one so far; which is carry on. i do plan to write for other fandoms tho ;p

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Cool Runnings and Sucking Cock {E}

Hey, Bartender? {E}

How Many? {E}

Vibrators, Breakfast, Goats, and More! They Got It All At The Copier Store! {E}

Monsters Under The Bed (And Outside Of It) {T}

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

of course yes! i absolutely love when i get interaction from my froglings!! 🐸 it’s a huge endorphin high anytime i get so much as a kudos! i love you all so much :D 🥰

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Well, Then You Burn {M}. It’s a major character death, so it’s pretty dang sad. it hurt me to write and i hope it hurts you to read :D

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, but i fear it constantly. i look back at some of my stuff and honestly? the shit i say to myself is already bad. i don’t think anyone could say something worse.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

it’s practically all i write, bestie. i am a whore. a slutty frog, if you will. i’ll write pretty much anything, but i do prefer to have some d/s undertones or just straight up bdsm. i am an unholy frog, but i also like my sweet and fluffy making love sessions too.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i fucking hope i have. that’d be the biggest damn compliment. or the biggest insult. like, oh i’m so good someone stole from me haha 😎. or they thought i was so irrelevant they could get away with it 😞. yknow?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not as far as i’m aware, but if so, let me know!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, but i’m totally down to work with anyone! i am going to be beta-ing for @angelsfalling16 tho, so that’s super cool! hit me up if you need absolutely anything to do with fics and i’ll try my best to be helpful! i’m sinful, but i’m a good mother frog 🐸 😌

What’s your all time favorite ship?

depends on what i’m obsessed with. rn it’s snowbaz, but it used to be hinny.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

yikes there’s so many. i have over 100 wips in progress rn but i’m too scared to talk about them bc i don’t want to ruin the surprise when i post, and my fic for the carry on too many aus fest is really kicking my ass. i have no idea how i’m going to get it out in time and i’m terrified i won’t be able to. IM NOT EVEN HALFWAY DONE AND POSTING IS TOMORROW WTF

What are your writing strengths?

no fucking clue. i mean, i THINK im good at dialogue? maybe?

What are your writing weaknesses?

fuck plot. i hate plot. plot can suck my ass. why can’t i just write dialogue and have people understand the picture in my head??? why am i so specific and picky about word count??? why do i hate simplicity???

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

i’ve done it before and will most likely do it again! i’m not fluent in anything other than english, though, so if i ever mess up, make sure to tell me!

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

so, that’s a good question. the first fandom i ever wrote for was dora the explorer. i’ve been writing fanfic for a LOOONG time. the first fandom i ever PUBLISHED for was carry on. i was sitting in the hospital, writing away, and i thought ‘huh. i should publish this.’ and that was that.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i don’t have a favorite fic that’s published, but i sure as fuck have a favorite. it’s a long and grueling process and i’ve spent so much time with it, but i love it and i love the concept. it’s not even close to done, but i’m still excited.

[scoobydoodean]

Kind of wondering if we accidentally started the slice girls posting going on rn lol.

I don't want to argue about it either—I definitely think we wouldn't agree about a lot of things, and that's totally fine. I chose to add to your tags not to directly come after you but because I just wanted to make it clear that this isn't a post about me trying to make Sam sound "worse" than Dean because Emma was his niece. I could have called Kaia by her name too to try and diminish the impact of Dean's actions in pointing a gun at her, but I didn't—I emphasized her age instead. If it feels like it's unfair to focus on certain details, that's good, because nothing about the original post is nuanced in how its details are presented or gets into the "why", which is how crits like things, because details and circumstances and feelings present opportunities for understanding and even compassion (which is what you are doing—showing Sam compassion—when you focus on how you feel Emma should be titled).

At the same time, I don't think Emma's blood relation is irrelevant to how Sam views his own actions. It is irrelevant to me in the sense of being morally grey no matter the blood relation, but that doesn't mean there's no dynamic related to Emma's blood status. If Emma's blood status was irrelevant to Sam, he wouldn't have said, "Look, man, she was not yours. Not really" to try and diminish the weight of whatever hangups he clearly must have about killing a blood relation.

When you wrote, "i also think it's weird to position his killing of emma as worse than his killing of any other monster." You're confused because you're focusing too hard on the blood relation. Killing Emma is not more morally grey than a a run-of-the-mill Sam monster kill simply because she's his niece. It's more morally grey than a run of the mill Sam monster kill because

Her kill stat stands at a solid zero. She's not yet hurt anyone.

She's just a few days old

She's been brainwashed

She is being held at gunpoint and brought a knife to a gunfight, thus is not quite so active a threat to Dean's life in that exact moment as some fans frequently like to rewrite history to argue.

That said, just because it was mentioned—and I'm sure we'll agree to disagree—I do disagree with you on Emma in fandom. I think that the portions of fandom who do so are correct to point out the potential of this storyline and how the show swept it under the rug, especially when the same season featured three episodes focusing on the weight of Dean killing Sam's friend (and again—I could call her "Amy" instead of "Sam's friend", to try and reduce the impact of Dean's actions and present her as more of a stranger to Dean and Sam, but I think the fact that she was a stranger to Dean and Sam hadn't spoken to her in years is the complete wrong thing to focus on in building a defense of Dean's actions and doesn't make him look better).

Additionally, while I agree Sam did reject Emma as his niece, I have a very different take on Dean, and within the text, Dean did not reject Emma as his daughter. He did the exact opposite in that conversation in the car, saying that yes she absolutely was his daughter. Dean dropped the subject afterwards, just like he's dropped countless traumatic things and completely refuses to discuss them ever again, such as Lisa and Ben, or hell.

Dean being the most popular character, which I absolutely agree with—is a different observation from what I'm getting at at the end (which is probably my fault for wording), which is that Dean's negative actions, no matter how similar to Sam's and Cas's, are more likely to be focused on within fandom and also by the show itself in many cases (in terms of the applied screentime and how other characters frame his actions). I had another addition somewhere in the notes about that point specifically so I won't expound on it again here.

"Dean pulled a gun on a teenage girl."

Sam shot and killed his niece and Cas shoved his entire arm into a 12 year old boy's chest while he screamed and cried so he could feel his soul and would have murdered Jesse the antichrist if he hadn't been turned into a figurine what is your point.

[kodzukoi]

YOU ARE NOT AN IRRELEVANT BLOG WDYM!!?? I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE!! you're like the little sister of everyone, that's the cutest thing I've noticed if I'm honest 🤭

OK I JUST DOUBLE CHECKED AND HAHAAAAAAA >:) YOU HAVEN'T INTERACTED WITH ME BEFORE, and according to the things you like we only have hq in common so yeah! and on my hq masterlist I have only 2 writings 👀 but don't you worry I'll write something with kenma real soon so I can help you find me!!!

—un search of koi anon !!

:000000000 okay so the "I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE!!!" and the "you're like the little sister of everyone" and the "YOU ARE NOT AN IRRELEVANT BLOG" has me smiling like crazy - like that made my day and i'm so happy rn-

ANYWAYS- i can't even argue w that bc i just tried to play it out in my head... and it did not go well alsdkjfoaiwerjalsdfj

BUT OH- OH OH OH OH????? OKAY SO THAT IS STILL NOT A VERY FAIR CONFESSION SLDJFOWIERSKDFJ BUT HEY AT LEAST I CAN'T FEEL VERY BAD (i still feel bad but it wouldn't be as bad as the "walking by someone u should know but don't acknowledge them" pain iykwim)

OKAY SO WHAT I'M UNDERSTANDING IS SEARCH THE HQ TAGS, GOT IT (u should totally tell me which characters u also write for-) BUT IF U BASED IT OFF MY AB ME, THERE'S MORE ANIME THAT I LIKE BUT DIDN'T PUT ON THERE YET BC IT WOULD GET TOO LONG SO THERE COULD ALSO BE MORE 👀

anyways, the only character tag i follow is kenma so i will for sure see the kenma ones >:3 (if the tumblr tags love me that is)

[briswriting]

The way that you're blog is so irrelevant that you go onto other blogs to send them asks and then sign it off with "briswriting." Like do you need anymore attention and validation for your needy ass? Your probably the one going into people's inbox on anon to namedrop yourself to get the attention with all the drama going on with other writers rn ALSO no one cares about your stupid event this is the most writing I've ever seen from you just stop clogging people's dash and the haikyuu tag

mmmm the way i’ve been getting hate anon since i reached 3k looks like i’m not the only one trying to get attention :)))) n e ways i usually just delete them because i do not like bringing down the happy vibes of my blog but i wanted to address this one because it urks me a lot

first off: the way you don’t know the differences between you’re and your pls check your spelling before sending me hate 😎

second: i go into other writers ask blogs to congrats them on milestones and/or send them love because we’re friends/mutuals AND i usually sign them off with “briswriting” because this is a sideblog and although i have my main in my bio and this blog in the bio for my main, some people still don’t know its me so i like to adress it so they know the love is coming from me and not another person 

third: i’m just vibin trying to do my 3k event so i just looked at my dash and saw all the drama going on but the way you accused me of name dropping myself for the attention. sweetie i don’t need the attention i would be happy if i had one follower but go off lmfao why would i need to disguise myself as a hate anon to namedrop myself to gain more attention i don’t think that would give me any exposure. 

fourth: if no one cared about my “stupid” event i wouldn’t have gotten a shit ton of request for it hun :) also i gained 200+ followers since reaching 3k less than a week ago and a lot of them are because of this event so go off i guess. i also have a specific tag for the event that i said people could blacklist if they didn’t want to see it on their dash. as for clogging the tags, its fanfic so i’m obvi going to tag it correctly so it can be seen be other people if you don’t want to see it unfollow and block me it’s that simple. 

in conclusion: if i was irrelevant, you and every other hate anon i’ve been getting in the past week since i got 3k wouldn’t be sending me hate anon, which you’re obviously doing for attention lmfao 

[hongsside]

BITTERSWEET : : WYG X MNG

pairing :: everyone ✘ everyone ateez ( mingi and wooyoung focus ) 

hidden pairs :: mingi ✘ wooyoung, hongjoong ✘ seonghwa, san ✘ yunho, jonho ✘ yeosang

wc :: 3.3k

genre :: unfinished slow burn • “world against us”  • romance

tags ::  college party, college! au, onenight stand, conflictions, classmates

tw :: drugs, smoking, alcohol.

authors note ::  I wrote this based of a song ‘right here’ by chase atlantic (hence the multiple lyric quotes and dialogue in here), i hope you guys enjoy this and take it as a treat for i will leaving on another hiatus because of school starting up and the stress build up is not gonna do well with the friendship problems, schoolwork etc that i already have. i hope you guys understand that this means ‘Finally Us’ will not be updated in a while, i’m very unhappy with this but it must be done, thank you for reading and for the support i got with the first chapter of FU, i couldn’t be more thankful! - misty <3

⇱ ORIGINALLY CALLED NUMB ⇲

-------

(o´ω`o)ﾉ⌒･*:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･ ❝ ˡᵉᵗ'ˢ ᵍᵒ~ᵎ ❞

-------

mingi and wooyoung were at the peak of their college lives: partying every night, mid-term flings, drugs, alcohol, and the careless habits that would be developed. of course, they never knew each other; sure, they shared a few classes together and might’ve met eyes a couple of times, but that meant nothing to them…or did it?

the two young men weren't considered friends, nor were they considered foes; they were nobodies to each other, strangers in a way.

simply, classmates.

there were countless ways to put it. all wooyoung knew was that the group wasn't very fond of mingi, yet he could never pinpoint why.

both of them were split into two different friend groups, to say the least, which consisted of 4 men ranging from different social statuses; although ultimately irrelevant to this account.

--✯★✯

finals had just come to a close, a wave of leisure washed over the scholars as they turned to their end-of-year celebration; no, it wasn’t the school’s dance. god knows how everyone boycotted those no matter the circumstances. it was the party at one of the deserted mansions near the road alongside the school-- the authorities never bothered filing it as trespassing due to the property’s legal owner who turned out to be one of the high-class seniors in the student council.

god, they were all filthy rich-- from the janitor to the highest class students, everyone always managed to pull a fortune seemingly out of their ass. there were exceptions, of course, those were students that no one ever knew how they slithered through the cracks of the school, but it wasn’t that they fretted about them regardless.

while packs of students hopped over the rusted edges of the wired fence separating the school from the small patch of pavement leading to the open courtyard of the grand house. Others were settled inside already, cutting corners and exploring the rooms as the purple hue of the party lights bounced off the glistening façade of the expensive furniture.

it felt relatively uncomfortably expensive.

as the tiny packets of white powder were passed around and people headed off to the rooms upstairs, the roar of the rn&b music grew more resonant than before, so much so, that surely the after-school study groups back at the school would be able to hear it no doubt.

“i don’t think hongjoong-hyung would appreciate you taking that, wooyoung.”, said an ivory-haired figure, as he snatched a small packet filled with the white powder as mentioned before, from the not-so-unknown man.

“just once? please yeo-hyung?”, the other man shook his head disapprovingly as he passed the packet to a stranger passing by, rolling his body to the beat of the song playing in the distance, the echo bouncing discreetly from the empty dull walls.

“go play with your other hyungs, won’t you woo-ya? keep yourself occupied.”,  yeosang instructed, careless of his surroundings as he danced along with a different crowd of students. 

wooyoung bit his lip, nodding in reply. he observed the crowd, tippy-toeing as he sought for a bright blue-haired man, eyes glistening when he ultimately found him.

“hyung!- hongjoong!”, he asserted, pushing and shoving through the endless amount of drunk scholars that filled the already lethally crowded room.

wooyoung’s only goal that night was to get laid--- or to at least to find a fling to last him the end of the year. his hyungs wouldn’t allow him to take in any of the substances being shared, although they single-handedly knew he had already consumed them; they just wanted to prevent another reckless addict among the bunch, it was already enough with san. not to mention how protective they were of him, wooyoung was aware of why and he understood that he was like their little brother but sometimes it just felt like too much for him.

hongjoong turned his head, smiling at the younger man; he was certainly wasted out of his mind but regardless, he kept his cheeky grin plastered on his face. the younger man panned around, analyzing the face of the tall chestnut-haired man beside hongjoong.

“who the fuck are you?”

“wooyo-”, hiccupped the short man, getting interrupted by the voice of the stranger.

“park seonghwa, pleasure.”, he said, nonchalantly running a hand through his hair.

wooyoung let out a soft gasp, his lips parted in a not-so-subtle ‘o’. he was taken aback-- his best friend was seeing the student council president. he mentally slapped himself, how could he not recognize the student council president, yet the bigger question was, how did he never realize the two were dating

“oh my go- i’m so sorry hyung-” he stuttered through his sentence, scarcely perceptible as he spoke.

the couple smiled as seonghwa shook his head and murmured things that wooyoung couldn’t seem to recall as he reminisced on that night. as the lights flashed, before they knew it they were being escorted to a room by seonghwa--- that was after climbing up a long flight of lavish stairs that surely they could never afford to walk on; well, maybe except seonghwa.

while they passed some girls making out on the second-floor banister, not making too big a deal about it, they were led into a room in which the obscure smell of alcohol and sex lingered faintly. the odd-colored hair duo studied the room, eyeing the crowd of men scattered around the room. their expressions were painted with uncertainty, as they noticed their friends were already situated in the room along with additional unfamiliar men.

first, they saw yeosang, the man was immersed with the music, straddled onto the lap of a much buffer man by the name of jongho. his raven-colored hair fell a little above his shoulders and his hands were gently settled on yeo’s waist, securing him from a possible fall due to his drunk state. next, they saw san, who was already getting busy with a remarkably tall blonde boy-- assuming by the cup in his hand his name was ‘yunho’ written in black sharpie that was professedly rubbing off already.

the group of men continued to carefully examine the reckless mess in the room, watching as a redhead slightly taller than yunho poured another cup of whiskey for himself. the tall man exchanged it for san's empty cup and advanced to the pair of perplexed men-- seonghwa already cutting corners to another room, motioning for hongjoong to follow him.

the unnamed redhead lit up a joint, smiling as the orange hues illuminated his face giving the younger male a chance to study his complexion. his lips were plump and adorned by a small silver lip ring, his nose was prominent, and his eyes were much too powerful for him to grasp-- he was unbelievably stunning, and no one could deny it. the taller man passed the joint to wooyoung, chuckling as he noticed that the room once filled with pairs of their friends was now desolate.

they shared a quick glance as they puffed out clouds of white smoke, the stench of the haze slowly filling the room.

“name?”

“song mingi.”, wooyoung slightly tensed at the name, remembering the words his friends had exchanged about the man in front of him.

“don't have to ask you, mister jang.”, the taller man breathed, not giving much of a fuck as he continued to smoke the last bit of the joint before eyeing the other man up and down with haste.

“how do yo-.”

“irrelevant.”, he said smugly as they sat in the loudest silence of their lives; the music reverberating throughout the house, and the sound of muffled moans overlapping, fusing mutually to form a sonata essentially created especially for the party.

the colors they saw were vivid and not only that but almost excruciatingly painful to look at but ironically it was, at the same time, so blissful to them--- except this time, the vibrant rays of flashing colors did not belong to the party lights but instead their own euphoric state. the pair was in the clouds, their blood-pleasure rising by the minute, unaware of the various consequences their careless decisions would have in store for them. although it's safe to say they couldn't care less. their minds were spinning-- and their hearts were pacing. The music continued to reverberate softly throughout the walls of the house as they grew oblivious of their morning headaches that could kill, although they didn't know that yet.

as the clock chimed, one a.m., the two men would still be admiring the fading colors allowing the incoherent drunk words spilling out of their swollen lips to be overlooked. at that moment, wooyoung noted how he'd never found another man so attractive till he saw mingi's chiseled body splayed across the couch in an effortlessly charming way, wooyoung watched intently as he let out soft giggles and mumbles ad the younger man studied him in awe.

"another one?", he sang lighting up another joint.

"what if i pass or i-"

"one more, you'll be fine"

wooyoung could've sworn he went to heaven and back with mingi as he admired the blue glow of the stars he saw slowly reappearing in his eyesight-- he remained dazed by the redhead's display, meeting eyes in the process. meanwhile, the music which once resounded through the widish halls had moved far away until seemingly, little by little, the distance was much too far away to hear it-- the silence was broken by the sound of his sonorous voice.

“so..we gonna fuck or nah?”

--✯★✯

the moon soon rose above all, painting the sky with a fine shimmer of silver as the clouds masked the excellence of the dark-blue midnight sky. it was an enchanting sight, truly it was, but there was something about the way the distant sounds of heavy panting mixed in with the scenery of the moment.

--✯★✯

the next morning came with a hurry, awakening those in its path, as the smell of sex hindered in the now silent atmosphere to an overbearing extent. recalling the events of the previous night, wooyoung woke up, eyes fluttering open in an instant. his eyes adjusted to the change in brightness and carefully slithered from under the sleeping man's silhouette. the raven-haired man frowned slightly at the lack of warmth; he hoped it would've lasted longer but i suppose this wasn't the case. wooyoung scanned the room casually, unable to remember how he ended up in this unknown bed. everything seemed like a blur to him as he sat in such an empty square room in utter confusion; while he pondered on how he ended up in this room, he shifted uncomfortably from under the covers as he looked down and noticed he was nothing but naked. shocked by his discovery, wooyoung panned around in search of his clothes humming in approval as he found a shirt just below the desk, uncaring that it very much did not belong to him.

the clock chimed, six a.m., and wooyoung was almost out the door until the sound of mingi's trembling voice stopped him in his tracks.

“wooyungie? where are you going?”, he almost croaked, voice hoarse from last night's events which perhaps he wasn't aware of yet. wooyoung only stared in response, watching as the beams of the sun's rays shined through the cracks of the curtains.

“just going to get water.”, he lied, stomach curling in regret.

“ahh, alright i thought you were leaving me for a second.”, the sleepy man chuckled as he sat up, revealing his upper torso unintentionally. wooyoung smiled in return, walking to the kitchen to “quench his thirst”-- that was until he heard mingi utter drowsy nonsense again causing him to freeze.

"i don't wanna leave this bed..stay right here instead, woo.", the younger man hesitated, unable to process what he was saying and even more reluctant to not do as asked.

"i could've sworn you were right there.", the red-head continued, as he pointed to the vacant side of the bed that wooyoung had slept on. wooyoung chuckled, nearly forgetting about his initial plan of leaving mingi alone.

"you know we uh fu- umm that! right?", wooyoung said delaying his words in embarrassment. mingi only laughed.

"its cause you were high!", he interjected his own sentence, his cheeks slowly brightening to 50 different shades of red.

"i wasn't that high, i swear.", mingi chimed in defending his behalf with a joking tone. 

minutes passed and an unexpected form of tension arose. mingi's had darkened, his expression was no longer the lively expression it once was but rather it was substituted with stern eyes. the pair were seated side by side from under the covers of the bed, perhaps unknowing of what the other truly was thinking about.

"why did you really leave, wooyoung?", mingi hummed through nearly pursed lips. the raven-haired man's eyes widened, beads of sweat slowly running down his temple as he stuttered on meaningless excuses.

"mingi- my friends..they don't like you..-"

"i don't give fuck about your friends! i'm right here and it doesn't change that you slept with me!" 

"..and not only that, i'm the only one that hasn't walked out! i mean- look at my friends! i'm here!", he continued, growing impatient by the minute. mingi rested his head on his hands, frustration seeping out of his words. it's happening again.

wooyoung sat there, perplexed and guilty of everything he'd done. whereas mingi sat there in sheer hurt, remembering the great times they shared the night before.

"ill get going...i'm sorry."

--✯★✯

it's been three nights since the party and ever since then, wooyoung couldn't sleep. it felt like a year's worth of guilt had washed over him and the urge to call mingi grew stronger by the hour. his bangs fell before his eyes as he stared at the ceiling, watching the lifelessness of the white cover spread across the dorm.

his hyungs had noticed wooyoung's shift in attitude and grew curious of why their youngest "brother" had changed so rapidly.

"woo we gotta talk.", purred the quiet voice of the blue-haired man from behind the couch.

"about?"

"you."

the room became silent almost instantly, a silence so strong there was a fear within the men in breaking it. the remainder of the group filled the room practically on cue, and so the achingly awkward talk commenced-- but not in the way any of the men expected.

"why do you guys hate mingi?", inquired the youngest to their surprise.

"we-"

"answer the question."

"woo-ya, we're just afraid he might be a bad influence on you.."

"bad influence my ass, have you met san?", their eyes all darted to the man with eyes red with addiction, and he chuckled nervously knowing exactly what they were hinting to.

"not the point, we just want to know what's up with you all of the sudden? im talking about you not sleeping for three days after the party, wooyoung. we're worried about you."

"don't be, i'm not a child."

"we know-"

"if you knew so well then quit treating me like one and hiding things from me, thank you very much."

wooyoung stepped out of the room walking to the parking lot of their dorms as he reached for his phone and called the number he was once so reluctant to dial.

the number you have tried to reach did not respond, call again af-

the man sighed, hopping onto the rood of his car and sitting there ready to lose all hope that was seemingly never there, to begin with. he glanced up and watched at the glow of the stars lit up the sky alongside the same moon that shone over them three days ago.

he clicked the call button again, it rang and rang until almost impatience got the best of him.

the number you have-

one more time? he asked himself, what if he's busy? maybe his phone is dead? 

"baby, just pick up your phone.", he practically cooed out loud in hopes to hear mingi's voice on the other side of the phone. 

the number you have-

there wasn't anything he could hate more than hearing the sound of that voice. no, not his. never his.

he looked up to see the stars twinkle once more, getting ready to go back inside and endure the questioning that awaited him from his friends. he wasn't ready for what he would see when he gazed down though.

there he was, song mingi. he wasn't going to lie, he looked just as rough as he looked. the frame of his glasses was pushed up to the bridge of his nose and he carried two small blankets with him, passing one to wooyoung and he ran a hand run his disheveled hair. the younger man stared at him, eyes fixed onto his in astonishment, why would he drive here when he could easily just answer his phone?

mingi hopped onto the top of the car, taking a seat next to the raven-haired silhouette without a single word. they observed the stars together, watching as they flickered from afar; occasionally humming in admiration.

"i'm sorry, mingi."

"there's no need to apologize.", he murmured eyes still set on the sky gleaming with beauty above him.

"but-"

"no 'buts', just look at me. i'm the one who's sorry..but..do want an apology gift? you can't say no."

wooyoung let out a noise of puzzlement before nodding hesitantly. "close your eyes, silly.", mingi snickered slyly, and that's the last thing wooyoung saw before being given the gift that would be forever with him, in his mind, in his body, and that was more than enough for him.

"you ready?"

"this isn't a pregnancy announcement right?"

"no, you dummy.", he giggled softly, wooyoung couldn't see it but the way he imagined made it seem as if there was a work of art before him.

"yes, i'm rea-"

time stopped when mingi's lips met his, interrupting him slightly. his heart pounded in his chest as his body gradually got weaker. the younger man could only concentrate on how soft he felt against his lips, how addictively he kissed him in a way that wasn't filled with lust but rather love and affection. wooyoung couldn't get enough of the way the cold metal of his lip ring brushed along his lips, giving him a distinct sensation he'd never forget.

 he couldn't tell if he dreamed this moment to life, but there was raw passion in the way his hands cupped his cheeks fondly as if he didn't want to let go. mingi kept his half-opened gaze on wooyoung, sneaking adoring glimpses at him now that he wasn't looking, just to make sure this moment wouldn't be forgotten. 

he wanted to remember the way wooyoung's eyes fluttered open and sparkled in a way so similar to the stars they had been looking at, he wanted to see his face when he kissed him in his dreams.

and this time he wouldn't be high for that.

but there was a sense of bitter sweetness to it, they both knew their friends would never approve. They knew the stares they would get from their friends, they knew exactly what they would say to them when the interlaced fingers but, did that really matter to them?

perhaps it would matter to them then, but surely not know. it all felt like a false reality to them? maybe even a dream, a dream they'd dread waking up from. but it wasn't. they were there in the heat of the moment, together under the stars sharing an unforgettable kiss that spoke like a poem and could say things that not even 1,000 words could say.

surely, it was like that poem wooyoung once read...

"even if the world is against us, the love we share is enough to put the world beneath us."

they pulled away, catching their breaths as they rested their foreheads on each other. he couldn't help smile like an idiot hoping that the darkness of the night would mask his flustered condition. it's not like mingi wasn't doing something much different, except he was basking in the moment pulling away to cup wooyoung's cheeks one last time, loving the way his face was glazed with the divine mantle of light belonging to the moon.

"i love you, idiot."

"i love you more, silly."

end of story

all work by hongsside

[aizenat]

Your tags are silly: they don’t want Megan’s name in a song by a woman whose name is Megan. They don’t own that name lol. They lobbied for that law to be passed federally, meaning they wanted their daughter’s story out there. But when you put a story out there, you don’t have control over who uses it. That’s the problem. That’s why so many rape victims don’t come forward: because they know the second they do, their story and trauma would end up being taken over by the public and no longer under their control. Shit, look at the hate Megan got when she came forward wrt Lamez shooting her! Case in point! There are “documentaries” on her case out rn that I’m certain she didn’t consent to! That’s just how that goes!

But even then, Megan didn’t say shit about his daughter. She wasn’t talking about his daughter, didn’t mention what happened to her, and didn’t give a whole backstory into the details of that case. That’s what true crime is. If just mentioning the laws by that name is considered disrespectful to the victim’s family, then yes 1) don’t name the laws after her or 2) let’s just abolish the laws since any time they get mentioned they’re disrespecting the victim’s family. See how that doesn’t work?

TMZ are opportunistic leeches trying to stay relevant in a changing media landscape that makes them more and more irrelevant, so they went hey let’s reach out to the racist father of the girl the law is named after to hear how they feel about it so we can report it to our audience to make them get mad at Megan for using that bar. It’s so obvious that a child could see what they’re doing. Don’t fall for the bad faith arguments and use your brain.

people never shut up about how true crime is disrespectful to victims families yet when the family of a child who was sexually assaulted and murdered speak out about their daughters name being used in a DISS TRACK they’re “being too sensitive” and “shouldn’t have named the law after their daughter”

[gilmesc1]

Sacrificing my remaining braincells to the void

Ok friends, you requested it, you awaited it, I’ve cleaned out my ears to remove the melted remains of my brain, here we go, we’re doing this, tell my partner I love them. It’s time...for syscourse analysis.

So this is a very bare bones run through of syscourse, it’s as basic as it gets and if need be I’ll focus on components of it after I recover.

So, syscourse is literally the words system+discourse. Bet you guys never saw that coming. 20 seconds into this fucking mess and we already have a major plot twist. And I know what you guys are thinking. A bunch of traumatized people not getting along? Another plot twist!

Jesus I better tone down the sarcasm.

Anyways, what the fuck even has to happen to have syscourse, apparently two types of systems. Yes friends, two types of systems, and I’m not talking DID and OSDD (which are really quite similar).

Our players are traumagenic systems and endogenic systems. Traumagenic systems are systems that formed out of trauma, like DID and OSDD systems. Naturally this plunks me down in the traumagenic catagory, thanks to my big fucking mess of trauma. So we got that down, moving on to endogenic.

So an endogenic system is a system that supposedly split without trauma. No idea where the word endo comes from. Or like, what the fuck endo even means as a word like trauma. (Maybe I want to endo myself after reading a bunch of syscourse? Ok, ok that was bad.)

The biggest issue once you get down to it is who is the Real System tm, and do other systems belong in each other’s tags. This is the part where I’d smoothly bring you all to a good starting point, but *insert deity here* help me, there isn’t one.

Syscourse seems to be older than mankind itself mongrels, because I cannot find where it started and who the tags belonged to first. So for those of you who like to visualize, picture two dogs chasing each other’s tails, running in a circle, and that is syscourse.

So let’s break it down more. I, and I’m sure many others, flocked to tumblr to find others who experience what I do, that being traumagenic system stuff. Again, we have trauma that results in our system’s creation. And that’s all fine and good, sure not everyone gets along with each other but for the most part all us systems are vibing and sharing memes and posts.

Now like I said, to be an endogenic system you are a system without trauma, and to me this is a little confusing. Brains aren’t made to be multiple and I’m the clusterfuck I am because of trauma, but to just magically thanos snap a system into existence? That I have a harder time wrapping my mind around.

There are a lot of examples of endo systems, but the ones I’ll be looking at today are tulpas. What is a tulpa? Well at first I thought it was a ghost thingy that you get by thinking about it, (supernatural anyone?) but now that I look into it, it’s apparently a Tibetan religious practice.

So we have science vs spirituality. This spells disaster already for syscourse.

So to get a better idea of tulpas than I could give you, I’d recommend looking at tumblr posts on tulpas because I’m in sarcasm mode and not really in a position to educate about those. Long story short it’s a thought process where you can essentially create a second being that is similar to an alter, as it exists in a headspace and can switch in.

Now I said headspace and switch in on purpose, because that is where the issue lies. Endos and traumagenics fight about words like that, and who they belonged to first. Can an endo use the words system, fronting, ect when they are scientific words specifically for DID or OSDD, or can traumagenics use the word multiplicity when it supposedly came from tulpamancy?

Side note: Guys do not lecture me on words, I’m trying to give examples, sorry but I don’t have my words for traumagenics dictionary on me rn, that’s in my other hoodie.

The majority of day to day syscourse is endos and traumagenics “infiltrating” each other’s tags and safe spaces, and ruining everyone’s day. From what I have seen, many traumagenics do not want endos to interact with them, and personally I see a few good reasons for this.

1, mental illness is not a trend and DID and OSDD are very very rough to live with. With there currently being a lack of scientific evidence on the existence of tulpas, I understand how it can seem that some are cashing in on the “DID hype” and giving off this romanticized view of being a system.

2. People with DID might be looking for specific DID info, and having to strain through irrelevant topics to them might be heavily stressful.

3. We’re traumatized and random things can set us off. This is the internet and I think everyone is at least a little toxic, and both sides have said shit to each other, but when people get triggered its easy to lose control. Not an excuse, tis merely a fact.

I’ve seen endos post things like “all systems are valid” and it’s a nice sentiment, in my heart of hearts behind my black toxic drama loving one, I’d like it if systems could just get along, but on a topic as complex as mental illness I don’t think that’ll happen.

I’ve seen both sides say things that were really uncalled for, and there’s no right or wrong answer overall in a fight like this. Naturally I’m team traumagenic but as for whether or not I feel like endos are valid or not, jury’s still out on that.

Hear me out, I have heard the theory that endo systems can help deal with trauma despite not being formed by trauma, and I’ve met a few people irl and seen things that confused me. Maybe they were traumagenic systems who didn’t know their trauma, idk.

I really don’t want drama. I’m sure systems on both sides are good people but like I said, the internet is toxic. (btw I love you mutuals, you are all good people)

In my humble opinion syscourse is stupid. I think there definitely should be a discussion about endos and traumagenics, but like can we talk like adults and not be like “WE’RE ALL VALID UWUUUU” with a string of toxicity behind it.

That level of back and forth is dizzying and irritating, and quite honestly I don’t want to deal with it. This is me trying to be neutral and give an overview, but that’s hard as I am traumagenic myself, and I don’t really understand the other side.

That’s why I’m not going to say I reject endos. I need to figure out more for myself and since this does leak into my personal life i want to do it carefully. I’m open to polite discussions, but I really want to keep out of syscourse drama.

Another side note: Something I think that is especially stupid is the amount of outrage over users saying they dni with endos. It’s a choice for that person and it should be respected. Like how I have personal reasons for keeping discussion open, others have personal reason for closing it. That should be respected and not ranted about. There are thousands of tumblrs, find one that isn’t dni and leave those people alone.

Additionally, if any endos do want to talk I’d prefer if you dm me, as I want to keep my blog traumagenic focused, both for my followers and for me, out of respect for those who don’t want any endogenic content and for me so i don’t wear out my three brain cells (I’m accepting name ideas for them)

To end this, I don’t want drama, nothing makes it easier for me to cave to my vices then drama, and syscourse is so freaking tiring that it would be like rolling around like sandpaper to get involved.

So there it is, my useless, sarcastic post on syscourse. Let’s see how many followers I lose, and if need be I can look into more stuff about syscourse since this is an overview.

Again this was supposed to be neutral and not necessarily all of my views, I’ll get more personal on it later maybe, but tbh I’m too fucking tired for that rn. Chronic illness, hell yeah.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed, I’m impressed I wrote it all, have a good day guys, I have to go to a party while feeling like my body is leading a rebellion.

I don’t even like people, why am I going XD

But hey shout out to social distancing, I’m using my personal space bubble and NO ONE can stop me.

Ok, time to give the braincells a rest. See you guys

[didsomeonesayventus]

ESSAY TIME I love a ship please come hang out w/ me on this dinghy or like. dont because fates is awful and I can’t blame u for dodging that bullet but i just wanna scream because i love them and they’re the fixation rn so 321 GO

i cant blame anyone for not really seeing this because their support is. Ok. Its alright. Not amazing, it’s serviceable, better options are out there in fates I'll concede. Corrin has like. At least 3 other love interests who feel more canon LMAO but this isn’t about them

It's more from elsewhere in their characterization that really made me adore them and, as I mentioned in tags, a lot of this comes from how I write them which. Is largely filed under rp stuff right now but more ramble time on how i write them i guess dont forget to mark your free bingo space for throwing out large swaths of fates canon and writing.  Also we're scooting their canon support gently to the side because it’s ok it’s not the most offensive writing this nightmare scrap heap of canon has to offer but a massive missed opportunity.

PART 1- One (1) Corn, With a Side of Emotional Neglect

*makes vague gesture at Disney's Rapunzel* Corrin would have been so much better recieved if the devs just took some notes from you instead of writing such a flat character i swear.

Corrin in particular with how I write her is getting a pretty massive rework in the emotionally stable department because honestly I don’t believe she would be. like. She's not dumb, but she is naive, important distinction, and it ends up coloring her views a lot and I have a ramble on that over here on the inverse graph that is Corrin’s confidence but to dissect where her attitudes came from:

Her family was limited to visits, and she has been directly/implicitly blamed for this for roughly a decade and a half, at least a decade, by not being an insane king's definition of strong enough to be with them. Bad memory makes her frail, swordsmanship isn’t up to par, doesn’t seem to offer much else in terms of skills unlike Xander, a Certified Badass(tm), Magic-oriented Leo and Elise, and Magically gifted but just plain ruthless Camilla. She’s held at arm’s length from her family, and while her siblings may have always loved her and expressed that love as often as they could, they’re not always there or a good yardstick to measure her progress with, and she had to always watch them go and likely wonder when they would come back, or if they even would.

As for our beloved butler and maids, being surrounded by servants was probably her most constant and consistent source of contact, and she does love them, but it can be very easy to wonder if they love her because they do or because it's their job to.

Corrin's faith in everyone around her and unwavering trust is there because any sort of doubt is basically redirected to. her. Because she is the dumbass who's still figuring the world out. She's hyper aware she's still learning and making naive decisions and she overcompensates that with "well what do I know" and not feeling really all that worthy to be Special Protagonist. She doubts herself before almost everything else.

Brief mention of Dragon arc because fates was dumb and neglected an entire arc for dragon feelings beyond chapter 5 and foreshadowing for Dad(tm) but I also write in an arc of the Dragon Is A Metaphor For Loving Yourself Faults And Trauma And All Love Yourself And You Can Control Yourself Dammit.

*Corrin hurt herself in her confusion!*

The way I write Corrin is not nearly as put together and confident as Canon™️ Corrin is, at least for a good chunk of the plot. She fakes it till she makes it because she is a leader and being mopey will not get things done but she’s also very self critical and mopey on the inside and quite paranoid that people don’t actually like being around her and just. ball of stress and anxious hidden under Many a uwu that she doesn’t want to talk about because why should she complain her childhood wasn’t That Bad and if she’s mopey how can she set a good example and people don’t like debbie downers and look its fine its fine lmao

PART 2- Mr. Perfect

As for Mr. Subaki he puts a lot of time and effort into looking perfect. I emphasize that because he may very well have natural talent, but honestly it feels like a large amount of his perfection is just. Stressing himself out by planning for and rehearsing everything possible! God this anxious idiot I love him!!! He's sociable and agreeable, but I think with basically everyone it’s. Skin deep. He’s charismatic Enough, and he digs a bit into the other’s history and personality if he’s interested, but he never really lets the other reciprocate like a magician never revealing his fraudulent secrets.

Biggest problem with that is he can't open up and vent because that is to admit a flaw and no no cant have that we cannot have that so he's just. Not sure who to turn to and has trouble being emotionally honest- even to himself. He just! Doesnt let himself have fun or relax; all perfect all the time baby. There’s basically no one who he could consider a close and trusted friend who can love him flaws and all. The closest would be Sakura and Hana and welp. gotta keep things professional and it’s not like Hana really expresses a sense of understanding and patience when they’re fiercely competitive with each other.

There’s probably a lot of muttering to his pegasus while he’s cleaning her hooves or braiding her mane, or staying up late thinking about how narrowly disaster was and wasn’t avoided that day but he. Also doesn’t really vent and also feels that imposter syndrome of “I’m honestly awful how did I even make it here.”

and it stinks because I think at his core he is a very sweet and caring guy and a massive dork, but he just plops himself on the edge of a pedestal and gives himself no room to be himself or anything less than perfect and is likely on the cusp of impending burnout.

you dumb anxious idiot i have S-Ranked you every fucking time I open this godforsaken game I didn’t even fucking plan for this

PART 3- (Patrick Warburton impression) “Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.”

So our characters and stage are set. We got FE Fates (I’ll default to Rev), we got my views when writing these two, so what next? What is the general plot I imagine since we’ve gently scooted aside the canon support chain?

The dumbasses-to-be think they’re out of each other’s league.

For Subaki, it is plot-irrelevant background character falling in love with the protagonist, which yields the exact sort of pining you’d imagine: man you are super cool and hit all my standards but I’d be dreaming if you felt the same about me. She’s sweet, she takes charge, she can fight for herself well enough, has he mentioned she’s sweet? He can actually relax a bit around her which is really odd but I guess that’s what happens when your personal skill is literally called “Supportive”. Oh yeah and also his Lady’s older sister which oof. Sakura? In law???? Hinoka in law???? Takumi in law?????????? ryoma in law oh gods.

For Corrin, it’s Mr. Prince Charming right there and he’s very nice and Sakura is saying so many nice things about him but wow she’s. a princess from a country that has consistently terrorized his and on top of that might a well have been raised under a rock!!! And she picks up details and nuances in people remarkably well, but she overthinks them. She can pick up that Subaki- while very polite and friendly -isn’t being entirely forthcoming about what he’s thinking or feeling, but she can’t pin down exactly what it is, and makes the educated guess that he's just being nice because she’s Sakura’s sister or something.

And they’re friendly. They help each other out a bit. There’s tension, sure, but no one really comments on it (except for everyone making bets in the bg). They don’t really yield on their internal messes because Corrin knows she’s a leader and can’t really do that and distracts herself with believing in everyone around her, Subaki just flat out would rather do literally anything besides admit he’s messed up anywhere or open up. So feeling are put on a low simmer for awhile.

Of course they fall in love, and it almost gets messed up because when Subaki requests to talk with her in private to confess, she immediately assumes he’s going to tell her that he’s not interested. Her simmer roars into a boil because she’s been under Protagonist Stress ON TOP OF having a crush she’s confident won’t be reciprocated, so she snaps quite a bit because that has all been shoved in a bottle and she just wants to get the mess over with if he’s just going to tell her very nicely that her company is lovely but hes not interested it hurts a lot to think that but its fine you don’t have to settle.

But the thing is being emotionally vulnerable like that, pointing out she’s scared too of always not being enough and living up to expectations, to finally get that off her chest, spurs him into it, too. Because she gets it. She honest to god gets it even if she bought into the lie he’s perfect she understands. Oh, yeah, she also reciprocates feelings that’s really excellent too. Like Subaki probably makes a lot of fuss about a bunch of ultimately meaningless details and having “standards” and yadda yadda gods help whatever poor soul asks him to pull out the list of traits of his ideal partner, but I think at the end of the day if he’s looking for love most of all, like a lot of people he just wants someone who he can just. be himself around. Who likes it when he’s being himself!

And they both learn that yeah maybe they’re more flawed than they’ve been lead to believe, but it starts to not matter at all because they still try really hard and everyone makes mistakes. They’re both here to say it’s ok your best is enough, YOU are enough. They both think they’re amazing regardless of their mistakes and love to see each other smiling and succeeding and just make. a nice little bubble of comfort. They’re stubborn and supportive, they learn how to poke and prod the bad moods away be it making a nice cup of matcha and talking it out or laughing at a tiny, meaningless mistake and repeating it to keep that feeling of dread away. Also they both spoil their partners regardless of who they end up with you can’t @ me on that they both do it which means guess what mega spoil time. And long hair on both just means they can braid each other’s hair no problem... waaaaaa.... Also early rise Subaki and late rise Corrin so there’s always a sleepy fight in the morning because UGH this is early you keep saying i’ll get used to it but im not i need a kiss first if you want me to be up this early. Subaki is better at logic and planning than Corrin, and Corrin keeps things optimistic and has a good gut for when to take an improvised risk. They’re always swapping places on who’s holding the other back from a fight that isn’t worth it because some asshole insulted the other, they mediate each other and will fight anyone who even harms a hair on the other’s head. They give and they give back and they work together perfectly.

And when it comes to the kids that bubble expands and they make sure they all have the tools to just take a deep breath and remember it’s okay Mama and Papa love you so much and you’re going to be amazing no matter what you do. Corrin’s got the best stories to tell and Subaki tucks the blankets in just right. They’re good parents with a lot of patience and plenty of mental health wisdom which is good because, as my mom would say, “bad brain chemistry is my bad”.

Like UGH I love them. I love them a lot. A good chunk of this is me making canon better thank me fates devs

Part 4- Katie All of This is Out of Your Noggin What About Canon

(DBZ abridged vc) WHAT ABOUT CANON but ok here have some canon quotes

“The two spent the rest of their lives together. Corrin ruling as the wise Queen of Valla. Subaki adapted quickly to royal leadership and became a great source of support for his wife. “ - Revelation route ending

“I feel like the pressure's off when I'm with you. I don't have to be perfect.” “You'll never be lonely as long as I'm around. Just call me and I'll come running.” - Friendship bonding quotes but also consider waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

“This might sound corny, but I think you're my soulmate.” - What he says when he is married to you and yes that is corny and its perfect

hot spring is dumb fanservice BUT if you can get the good RNG to get them both in there   “A shared bath warms not just my bones, but my heart as well.” “I-I suppose so...I just wonder if it's right to be so happy...” (emphasis mine) IT ABSOLUTELY IS BE HAPPY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

also one of his quotes when u stop by your quarters is  "Ah, welcome home, dear. Kick off those shoes and relax. You're with me now!" and you absolute himbo your wife doesn’t fucking wear shoes!!!!!!!!!

Part 5- I’m done I’ve yelled into the void good night enjoy a ship please be excited for the fic I have on the backburner that I will get out there one of these days but I want it to be perfect so RIP me I guess

[burstbombbitch]

———  BASICS! ♡

NAME! ♡   synnie PRONOUNS! ♡     she/her, he/him, they/them ZODIAC SIGN! ♡     scorp TAKEN OR SINGLE! ♡     perma single baybee

———  THREE  FACTS! ♡

1! ♡     i love video games and i get off to pissing off my enemies. back when you could type messages when sending friend requests on the wii u, someone told me i was a cockroach and jail wouldn’t be nice to me, basically.

2! ♡     despite the above i’m also very anxious, very shy, and prone to speaking quicker than intended. my accent comes out when i do, too. people will pick up on the fact that i’ve got a jamaican one then laugh when i say i was born and raised in america.

3! ♡     my life is a living oc’s and if i were to make an actual character off of them, not only would they have the most depressing backstory, but some of the shit that’d happen to them would astound you. a man has jumped off the roof of a dunkin donuts to ask me out. his boss started to yell at him and he did not care.

———  EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED! ♡     back when i was a wee infant i used neopets. i got told off for making a ridiculous ass char for a ygo rp. they told me why it was bad. thanks, strangers on neopets. you made me get better. bc it was bad. i used to also rp on skype in script paragraph. then i came to tumblr and discord was made and now those two are my primaries. i definitely prefer tumblr even if i don’t have the energy to write with that office job bullshit lol

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER! ♡     i like girls, so i tend to prefer writing girls. nevertheless, i will rp all genders. they’re all the same to me. gender is irrelevant in the scheme of things --- a character is a character; don’t make them flat as fuck. that being said, people hate female characters and it shows when their fujoshi asses are writing smut with their favorite kpop stan

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S)! ♡   uhhh what. this might not apply to me since i only make ocs ig?

MULTI OR SINGLE! ♡    you... mean blogs right?? i prefer single i guess but that’s just me. i like to focus on one character at a time and never move. i’ve been on this blog for two years. i love my ocs.

FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    i’ll do all three of these at fucking once watch me. i have no particular preference but of the three i am weak for some dank fluff. smut is something that takes me   ( more )   time to write, bc... lmao idk what a sex is. i just hope i’m doing it right and that none of my friends are reading it even though i’m sure they are and i’m sobbing at the notion

PLOT / MEMES! ♡    plots tbh, but... memes can just as easily become one, so eh.

tagged  by:  i yoinked it tagging:   @sangfear @candykraken @catncore @feralmusing @musesbycat @bowserful @inkparagon @takoruler ash what fucking blog are u on rn @merfle i think you are here rn... @dragmiire haha gay @bleedsloyal