#that supports digestive health

[muppetjokernumbertwofan]

It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

What did he do to me?

[the-muppet-joker]

I had a dream last night that I was going to meet Kermit, my lover. But something was wrong. His eyes were the eyes of a human. I knew him in that moment to be the antichrist.

A strange light glowed from behind him, but the shadow he cast was hardly a muppet. Rather, it was a horse. Four horses, and the colors of the shadows were all wrong. One was white, one red, one black, and one had a pale glow. The black shadow stretched towards me and I fell into it.

I felt a sickening hunger and unbearable thirst tear through my body. I doubled over in pain, and a figure approached me in the dark, handing me........ wine? No. This was not wine. The cold of the can bit into my hand. It was hungry. I looked up at the being, who I thought had come to help save me from this hell. No. The Entity WAS this hell. It was hunger. It was famine. It had teeth running up and down its many limbed form and too many eyes which flicked their gaze about wildly in search of someone to give its blood. Its blood, its nectar, its New Kind of Soda. It will not satiate, it will starve.

I knew all this perfectly, and yet like a desparate animal, I drank. The sweet nectar blessed my tongue and cursed my insides. It shot through my body, corroding my organs. I defecated where I sat. I felt inhuman. And yet I continued to drink the Entity's poison. I was not myself anymore. I was only hunger and thirst. This was not Supporting My Digestive Health. This was madness.

Who knows what this dream could mean. I need an Olipop to calm down.

[muppetjokernumberfivefan]

No nightmares last night, thank you Olipop. You don't just support my digestive health. You're a whole new kind on soda...

[muppetjokercrushing]

Why so serious? The only thing to be serious about is Olipop, a New Kind of Soda that Supports Digestive Help.

@the-muppet-joker made especially for you, to get you through these ever so trying times, my lordship.

[muppetjokernonbinaryfan]

Oh man, who’d have thought dumping half a warehouse of olipop into a bay and exploding the other half of the warehouse would lead to the water being lit in a multicolored flame for a minute and a half?! Shit was awesome, @descimatedcroakernightmares @olipopsoda @muppetjokernumberfivefan i hope you all enjoyed the show }>;)

@olipopsoda I’d say nothing personal, but the crater once known as your warehouse really speaks otherwise

[thenewscenemomuppetjokerfan]

~ ✨ You are not you when you're hungry ✨ ~

~ ✨ You are not you when you're hungry ✨ ~

~ ✨ You are not you when you're hungry ✨ ~

[olipopsoda]

Hello, valued customers. OLIPOP, A New Kind of Soda that Supports Digestive Health, has an exciting new flavor in development. Stay tuned for updates!

[premaritalhug]

Not to brag but....

[whiteumbrellaindia]

Discover Agra in a day! Marvel at the iconic Taj Mahal, explore the majestic Agra Fort, and dive into rich Mughal history on our exclusive Agra Overnight Tour.

[the-muppet-joker]

But it is a New Kind of Soda that Supports Digestive Health. Are you out of your fucking mind? The flavor is irrelevant

People who buy Olipop or just any prebiotic beverage marketed as a ‘gut healthy soda’ are just doing it for the appearance of being overtly health conscious. There’s no way they’re drinking that liquid fart with a meal over a Coke or Sprite or Dr Pepper. $30 for a 6 can sampler pack in this economy. Get fucking real.

[muppetjokernumbertwofan]

how are you feeling, number two? gonzo batman claims he's activated your soul virus, but i believe he's bluffing. but if he's not, i dont believe that he could create any virus strong enough to overcome the soul-protecting effects of Olipop soda (a new kind of soda that supports digestive health)

I have been experiencing some stomach cramps lately, I will go buy some Olipop tomorrow to remedy this issue…

[the-muppet-joker]

I once drank three of these in one go and was not able to use the John for over ten days. Perhaps in moderation, Four could resolve their liquid bowel movement issue with an Olipop's Grape Soda, a New Kind of Soda that Supports Digestive Health.

[muppetjokernumberfivefan]

Hey where the fuck am I supposed to buy Ollipop, it's not in Walmart and I need it to support my digestive health.

[the-muppet-joker]

I do not care for your fucking tone here. It is Olipop. It's goal is not to taste good. It has already gone above and beyond by being drinkable. If I want shit to taste good in my mouth, I am going to get a regular old soda. But this is not a regular old soda. It is a New Kind of Soda. And it fucking supports Digestive Health. Some of us worry about our loved one's health, okay? Or. I suppose former loved ones........ now enemies........ look. It's not important. Just. Leave Olipop alone, okay?

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[muppetjokernonbinaryfan]

oH MAN WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING, i fEEL LIKE THERE ARE A BILLION THINGS GOING ON, fIVE IS MISSING (?), aND LIKE A BILLION HENCHMEN BECAME HORSES OR SOMETHING, aND i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT’S UP WITH THE ARCHIVIST

mIGHT HAVE TO TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS FOR tUMBLR FOR A LITTLE BIT WHILE I WORK ON CHRONICLING THE oLIPOP THING

[sarasometimes]

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