#Go to a Hospital Four
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I once drank three of these in one go and was not able to use the John for over ten days. Perhaps in moderation, Four could resolve their liquid bowel movement issue with an Olipop's Grape Soda, a New Kind of Soda that Supports Digestive Health.
#I am obviously upset at them for driving across state lines to defecate on my door#And also the fact that this is worsening my parent's already tumultuous divorce#But honestly I am more concerned than anything#Go to a Hospital Four#or at the very least#Drink an Ollipops Grape Soda#A New Kind of Soda#that supports digestive health#not sponsored#dark kermit#pensive kermit#my twisted mind
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hcc team rancher for the people (like... five of you...)
for context 😍😍 @soemthingsparkly sent this post and i turned it into team rancher because obviously... I mean.... Cmon... Phewww. Anyways read The Hermit Coffee Co. if you haven't already, i get paid in crumbs for each link visit /LYING
#yeahhhhhhh#team rancher#solidaritek#trafficshipping#scraps#HAVE I POSTED THIS AM I GOING CRAZY#I blame the hospital if i have#like. The four people in my priv have seen this already 😍
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Fluent Freshman - Part 22
PREVIOUS
Y’know how sometimes you have something that you need to do or something that you know is going to happen but you just keep…putting it off? Like you know at some point it is going to happen but you put it off over and over and over and over again? You’re getting increasingly anxious every time you put it off because you know it has to get done but you also know that the longer you wait the worse it is going to get. Finally, FINALLY, the anxiety is just a little too much and you end up having to deal with it.
You finally deal with it and the whole ordeal takes maybe five minutes tops and it was in no way shape or form worth the level of anxiety that you put yourself through. Like you worried about this for a good and long while and it wasn’t even that bad?
That is currently how FF feels about being stabbed by Andrew Minyard.
This is what he was so worried about that he had lost sleep, had nightmares, had lost weight, and had exacerbated his stress ulcers over.
Getting stabbed wasn’t anywhere near as bad as he had thought it was going to be. Maybe it was the fact that it was just a single stab wound instead of the Psycho levels that he had been imagining (Wow, showers were going to be so much less stressful now that he didn’t have to confirm Andrew Minyard’s location before triple checking the lock). Maybe it was the fact that he is PUMPED full of adrenaline from his fights against Jackson and Romero but the stab wound didn’t even really hurt at the moment.
This isn’t even the worse thing that had happened to him this year!
That honor still goes to the joint winners of when his Step Family and mother found out that he had a full-ride to Palmetto and when he had tripped up the same step on the stairs at school three times in a row as people watched and laughed.
(Maybe also the solitary congratulations from his Grandma in regards to his graduation but FF doesn’t let himself think about that, won’t think about it.)
He wouldn’t necessarily call being in a state of ‘stabbed’ a pleasant time but Andrew was being so NICE about it.
“Stop trying to sit up you fucking idiot!” Andrew shouts at him.
Well….Andrew’s version of nice.
(This is the same version of nice that he had misunderstood for months at this point. Maybe FF is just enough in shock from the stab wound in his stomach that he’s starting to grasp the basics in the difficult language of Andrew Minyard’s niceness.)
Andrew had gotten off the phone with 911 and then started pulling off his own jacket before draping it over FF’s upper body, wedging his phone between his shoulder and his ear, and then Andrew started to apply pressure to his stomach wound.
Ow.
That is not a great feeling. This stabbing may eke out past the great triple trip of March 2010.
“No, take back your jacket. You’ll get cold if you don’t have it on.” FF argues because his own jacket is barely doing the job. Maybe it’s the cold pavement of the alley, maybe it’s the blood loss, or maybe it’s the cooling sweat he’d worked up but he is shivering pretty badly.
A thought occurs to him as he feels the weird wet stickiness of his own blood sticking to Nicky’s shirt. “Can you help me get my jacket off?” He asks looking pleadingly at Andrew, “It’s my dad’s. I don’t wanna mess it up with my blood.” He clarifies when Andrew looks at him like he’s a lunatic.
Except his second call must connect right then because Andrew’s answer is non-sensical to what FF had asked, “Neil, let Roland know the police and ambulances are en route.” There’s a brief pause and the pressure against his stomach increases as a muscle in Andrew’s jaw jumps. “Smith got stabbed.” He says and he looks angry, angrier than FF had ever seen Andrew when he’s talking to Captain Neil. There is another pause, more than likely Neil saying something or asking a question, “No, it wasn’t them.” Andrew grits out and the pressure on FF’s stomach hurts, “Just get out here, I need help with smith and making sure these two assholes don’t go anywhere before the police come and grab them.” He says before he pulls one hand away from Smith’s stomach (wow he really is bleeding isn’t he?) to hang up the phone.
Andrew’s gaze turns back to him fully, “You’re not moving an inch Smith, your jacket can be cleaned.” He hisses. “Now stay still and don’t fall asleep.” He orders.
Andrew seems stressed so FF complies. He can’t help but notice how Andrew’s hands seem to be shaking as the press down on his stomach. He kind of wishes he had a pillow or something for his head because he’s starting to feel a little dizzy. Andrew’s jacket would be safer from his blood if it was a pillow instead of a blanket. Still, FF would sooner die than spit on any of Andrew’s current efforts to make him more comfortable.
He looks at the knife sticking out of his stomach. Well, he might die regardless of whether or not he spits on Andrew’s efforts.
He needs to take his mind off this.
“Should we take it out and pretend the Dundee knife stabbed me instead??” FF asks letting his mind go to the first thought in his head so that he could be distracted from his own mortality. “I think it’s still under the dumpster over there.” He moves to point one of his hands towards where the knife had remained throughout this entire ordeal.
Andrew’s knee pinned his arm before he could move it, “Stop moving Smith.” Andrew reminded him before moving his knee. “We have to leave the knife in. You’ll bleed to death otherwise.” Andrew reminds.
“I guess that’s true, so do we just say that Romero got a handle on your knife and stabbed me?” He asks fighting his own shivers since he’s a little worried that any shaking on his part would just make the stab wound worse.
“I stabbed you Smith.” Andrew says looking at him with a furrowed brow.
“Yeah, I know,” FF agrees, “but we’re not going to say THAT to the cops.” He says and shock really is one HELL of a drug because he thinks he might have actually given Andrew Minyard an incredulous look with his atrophied face muscles. It’s either Shock or the knowledge that even if he irritates Andrew, what’s Andrew going to do about it?
STAB HIM?
“You’re going to lie to the cops?” Andrew asks, “I STABBED you Smith.” Andrew repeats.
“Yeah, I know!” FF repeats back, “You stabbed me on ACCIDENT.” FF makes sure to use the same intonation that Andrew had used to emphasize the word Stabbed. “Jackson wanted to stab me on PURPOSE. You saw that knife Andrew.” He tries to gesture towards the knife again but again Andrew’s knee pinned his hand.
He could use his other one but the reminder to stay still is enough.
“I still stabbed you.” Andrew says removing his knee again when it’s clear that FF wasn’t going to try and gesture again.
“Well, if I was going to get stabbed by anyone, I guess I’m glad my first time was with you.” Andrew let’s out a bark of a laugh that sounds more like it was punched out of him than anything, “Honestly, I don’t think Jackson would have given me his jacket afterwards or try and help me keep my blood in my body.” He says and it feels like a victory (not a both hands in the air victory cry level victory but it was close) when Andrew’s face settled into one of faint amusement.
“Probably not.” Andrew agreed, “He doesn’t seem big on Aftercare.” He says.
FF doesn’t know what that means but nods like he does, “So, Romero got a hold of your knife during our tussle and he’s the one who stabbed me. Okay? That’s the story I’m going to stick with no matter who asks me.” He looks Andrew in the eye.
“Alright Smith,” one of Andrew’s hands leaves his stomach and clasps around his shoulder and FF can’t help but notice how neither of Andrew’s hands are shaking anymore. “We can lie to the police.” He squeezes FF’s shoulder.
“Nice.” He says and lets his head fall back onto the concrete. He hears a siren in the distance and hopes it’s coming for him.
They sit in silence for maybe 30 seconds before the door slams open and only Andrew’s hands on his stomach and shoulder keep him from shooting straight up in a panic. Captain Neil seemed to take in the scene at lightning speed but it was Andrew who spoke first, “You left Aaron and Nicky with Roland?” He asks.
“Yeah I did,” Captain Neil confirms and FF can see the moment that his eyes land on the knife handle jutting out of FF’s stomach, “Andrew, what are we going to tell the police?” Captain Neil asks and FF could already see Neil crafting a lie to cover Andrew. That’s one of the things that FF likes about Captain Neil and Andrew’s relationship. He thinks it’s nice that both of them have someone who no matter the circumstances would be there with a shovel to help bury a body. He even thought it was nice when he thought it’d be his body!
“The second guy stabbed me.” The lie comes out smoothly which is good because he is planning on committing to it and Captain Neil blinks and looks at him, “He got hold of Andrew’s knife during the tussle.” He adds.
Captain Neil looks to Andrew, “You said it wasn’t-“
“I guess Smith can lie to a liar.” Andrew interrupts.
Captain Neil’s eyes widen before a wicked grin spread across his face that made FF just a little uncomfortable but only because Andrew’s grip on his shoulder suddenly tightened and his nostrils flared the way they did before the two usually started speaking in Russian.
He can handle being stabbed, he cannot handle being in shock and pretending that he doesn’t know what the two of them are saying to one another.
“Can you tell Nicky I’m sorry I got blood on his clothes?” He asks and both Captain Neil and Andrew’s gaze snap away from eye-fucking each other. He looks down and the clothes are black and they haven’t moved the knife so the wound is plugged still but yeah there’s definitely blood seeping into the shirt, not to mention the hole. “Could you tell him I’m sorry about that?” He asks.
“You are going to tell him yourself Smith.” Andrew hisses, “You are going to be fine. Do you understand me?” He asks before turning to Neil, “Can you bunch your jacket under his legs, it’s better to keep them higher than his head and heart?” He asks.
Aw.
Andrew is just so nice.
He can’t BELIEVE he thought Andrew wanted to hunt him for sport.
He’d apologize for thinking that but he thinks it’d be better to just let that particular misunderstanding go unmentioned.
Captain Neil bunches his jacket up and puts it under FF’s legs before he goes over to check on Romero and Jackson. In the corner of his eye he sees Captain Neil pause at the sight of Romero before moving over to Jackson.
“Why is he in these?!” Neil asks baffled.
“It’s a weird sex alley Captain Neil! I don’t know WHAT to tell you!” Yeah he’s definitely going into shock. The sirens are getting closer though so he’ll probably be okay.
***
The cops all have a bit of a laugh about Jackson’s cuffs until Neil tells them exactly who they are taking into custody. Neil could admit that he’s a little irritated with Andrew that at no point did the man clarify that the people who FF and Andrew were dealing with were Romero and Jackson.
Those are his father’s goons.
“They were here for me.” Neil says to the police officer and Andrew’s hand tightens in his, “They tried to take Smith because he’s my friend.”
They had decided on their story before the cops came. FF had no idea who any of these people were and was just defending himself. He’d gone out to catch his breath in the alley when Jackson had shown up. Neil had asked how in the world FF had handled Jackson on his own but FF must have been getting kind of loopy from blood loss because all he said was, “He told me to sing so I did.”
Neil can find out the full story later.
The important part is.
“Jackson went after Smith but Smith won the fight.” Neil says looking at where the cops are trying to decide how to get the fuzzy pink handcuffs off of Jackson to get him in the far more secure police issued handcuffs.
“Your friend said that you and he took out Romero together. That Romero is the one who stabbed him with your knife.” He says.
“Yes.” Andrew answers simply and Neil squeezes his hand as a reminder, “I went out to grab a smoke and Romero followed after me. Romero got hold of one of my knives in the struggle and stabbed Smith.” Andrew says with his usual deadpan affect.
“Yeah that’s what your friend Smith was saying too.” The officer says. “Well, I’m sure the FBI will want to talk to you all further but for now it’s a pretty clear cut case of self defense and no one but your friend has any serious injuries.” The officer pats Neil on the shoulder and Neil manages not to shirk away from the touch. The officer retracts his hand, “You guys are free to go tonight.” He says and turns back towards the car where a dazed Romero is in the back seat.
“Where did they take Smith?” Andrew asks since they’d been shepherded away from Smith the moment the ambulance had come. They hadn’t been able to ask which hospital Smith was going to be taken to so they could go and get updates.
“Lexington.” The cop answers, “Go on and see your friend. He seemed pretty loopy he kept talking about some beauty contest thing when he was getting loaded into the ambulance. I’m sure he’ll be a riot on painkillers.” The cop goes for a joke but it twists something in Neil’s stomach to think of FF so out of it that he’s talking nonsensically.
He feels Andrew’s hand stiffen in his and knows he’s not alone.
“Thanks.” Neil says before they head towards the front of the club. The club had been emptied out when the cops had come so Roland was babysitting Aaron and Nicky for them while they talked to the cops and FF was loaded out to the hospital.
In a way it’s almost a blessing that Nicky and Aaron are both so blasted that they aren’t comprehending any of what’s going on. They’ll have to drop them off back at the house before they go to the hospital. They’ll beat Wymack there easily even after the interrogation and drop off.
FF had asked them to call Wymack to let him know what was going on “I gave him the rights to make health care decisions for me if I’m incapacitated.” FF had said so Neil texts Wymack the hospital and the address after Andrew rattles it off for him.
“I don’t like that you hid it from me.” Neil says in the car.
“They wanted to kill you.” Andrew won’t apologize.
They still hold hands on the drive back to the Columbia house.
Andrew takes care of getting Aaron into bed while Neil helps Nicky.
Nicky who looks at Neil with a loopy smile and Neil hurts knowing that tomorrow when Nicky finds out about tonight and how he was too blasted to do anything to help FF.
Andrew and Neil reconvene in the Maserati and make their way to the hospital before either of them realize the issue.
“What is the name of the patient you’re looking for an update on?” The receptionist asks.
Both Andrew and Neil freeze.
Fuck.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
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The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.
As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?
#Fluent Freshman AU#Andrew: Smith is in the hospital.#Wymack (half awake): What did you do#Andrew: He got stabbed#Wymack: I thought you LIKED Smith#Wymack: Whatever admit to nothing I'm on my way#Twenty minutes later Andrew gets a text informing him that Kevin is coming#Andrew: Great just great#FF is having the time of his life in the ambulance#They gave him something for his pain#FF: You get what I mean right? Like that was a funny line since it's about Miss Congeniality?#EMT: Now that I understand the context that's a solid joke#FF: THANK YOU.#FF: I can't BELIEVE none of those cops got it#FF: I was so glad you loaded me in here because I thought I was going to die of shame when no one laughed#EMT: Well we wouldn't want that#EMT: How's your pain by. the way buddy?#FF: Wow four friends in one night. I am on a ROLL.#AFTG#AFTG OC#AFTG Fic#Andreil#AFTG AU#My Fic#FF - Part 22
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Previous // Next
Another birb joins the Finch clan.. 🐤
#ts4#sims 4#simblr#ts4 story#sims story#forever in between#fib#oscar finch#courtney finch#ava finch#cookie finally managed to have a birb at home!!#i was so hoping it went well n she wouldn't have to go to the hospital and she did it!! :')#FOUR BIRBS#AHHHHHHHHH#😭🙌
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a severely overlooked aspect of the gang's dynamic is that charlie and dennis were best friends long before the start of the first season. there are multiple instances of the rest of the gang calling charlie their (collective) best friend, but charlie exclusively refers to dennis as his best friend. on the other hand, dennis only ever says that charlie is his friend up until the moment charlie refers to mac as his best friend something that evidently has not been the case previously, as evidenced by mac's reaction which of course prompts him to compete against mac. stacy remembers the two of them being close, to the point where she assumes that they must be a couple, and acts disbelieving when they deny this.
mac and charlie have been friends for the longest. dennis and mac have lived together for years. but charlie and dennis have considered each other best friends since they were in their teens.
#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#charden#dennis reynolds#charlie kelly#absolutely not meant to be a sleight @ ch/ar//mac their friendship is important to me too <3#ive struggled with how to word this for like. a few weeks because i dont want to come off like im pitting ships against each other#obviously ma/c//den end up getting closer in seasons 4 & 5 too but it seems like neither of them were super close to mac previously#arguably been retconned since but its interesting to revisit early seasons to see#i made this compilation a little while ago now but i believe the only other times 'best friend' was used in the first four seasons was#in gun fever when dee calls charlie their best friend in the hospital waiting room#and in mac is a serial killer when dennis tells frank hes not going to carve up their best friend (mac)#ada speaks#ada's videos#den still loves charlie but charlie's got that grudge for what he did sleeping with the waitress#and yet still calls dennis his best friend even after that#i think its funny charlie apparently makes the decision to call mac his bestie without telling either of them until that very moment#and dennis is IMMEDIATELY hurt lol
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[After the UNO game incident, these six dummies decide to try out a game of Mario Party. But after a few turns, a few of them realize that this probably wasn't the smartest decision. But hey, it's a lot more entertaining than a card game!]
#it's all fun and games until someone gets bashed in the head with a controller#peppino would leave. but someone ate the doors#so he's just going to sit on the couch and not draw attention to himself#tadc#gravity falls#burgrr#awful hospital#onaf#pizza tower#one night at flumpty's#bfdi#bfb#the amazing digital circus#bill cipher#tadc caine#harmburger#flumpty bumpty#peppino spaghetti#four bfb#bfb four
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My top surgery is in five days. Only four more days of wearing a binder (I will never have to wash them ever again!!). Only two more times of showering with boobs.
#personal posts#top surgery#I'll get my womb and ovaries removed too!#I'm starting to believe this really is happening#I'll pack my bags in two days and will go to the hospital in four days
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so tired of people talking ab how much they hated the sumeru desert..it has some of the best (and creepiest) lore drops
#plus i personally think its fun#but like#did you guys know dottore performed lobotomies on his patients??#at the eleazar hospital there were four patients that we know of#only one of which managed to escape while slowly going insane#and one of which was a child#also jeht's whole storyline?? is so devastating????#she had to watch her father die and wasn't accepted into her new tribe#even though she tried so hard#and then had to kill almost all of them#also the fact that she got so violently angry that she sliced at least one fatui member into so many pieces#that it was described like confetti#which is HORRIFYING#the way we watch her slow descent is literally so#and that's not even all of it!!! the desert has sm lore and stuff and it's so interesting and i don't know how people hate it so much!!!!!#also i will forever defend the aranara quests bc those were so sad#kaz speaks
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Awful discovery about Taco ig-
Girl help how do I translate four years of being in a forest to a ginka-
#ac text#taco ii#i wouldnt say like. awful. even though it kinda is but- HELP??#its mainly awful for me cause i gotta find out how to make that work realistically- /silly#in the forest for four years. got hit in the eye with a diamond. girl just go to the hospital at this point-
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My fever had gone away but in the last half hour it spiked up to 102.8F and I feel AWFUL. I’m kinda scared 🥺
#I’m doing what I can to keep it down (tepid cloth on forehead cool drinks of water etc.)#but man. this is so fucking terrible#idek what I have!! both at home Covid tests were negative#but this is day four and it’s getting worse instead of better#If it goes up another degree or so you’re supposed to go to the hospital#😢
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GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY IM BACK I HAVE ANSWERS so we looked at my teeth etc and I’m not gonna die of sepsis bc despite all the shit my toothache caused me there’s no infection. so what was it, Bronwyn? good question!
wisdom teeth
#LMFAO#my wisdom teeth are……… so poorly angled. 100% impact on all four#and the left one is tryna make moves so it’s swelling my gums which is raising my molar#and jacking up my bite while the tooth is sensitive in sensitive gums#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#so he suggested just. get rid of them. take the wisdom teeth out. all 4 bc of the possible impact from them#and if I didn’t I’d just periodically have this crazy ass pain come and go and come and go and fuck THAT so. removal it is#👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻#I have no idea what that’s gonna cost lmfao so we’ll…. we’ll see#and today basically the pain hasn’t been nearly as severe. the swelling has gone down significantly. so I think the pain/problem is#subsiding for a bit. I hope. lol. so they’re referring me to the dental hospital teehee#and then we did a clean of my teeth bc I have crazy plaque buildup and thus bacteria and thus making the issue worse. apparently. so#which isn’t a surprise. depression and adhd means I don’t brush my teeth as often as I should. and floss is scary#while doing that he seemed to have no problems with any of my fillings so I assume they’re fine atm too#all those side effects bc my wisdom tooth wants to play up…….. attention seeker#also between that molar and the gums where the wisdom tooth is. there’s a pocket. apparently. and stuff is getting stuck in there apparently#a pocket……. head in hands. and obviously that’s difficult to clean so that’s also bothering my gums and thus my tooth. GOD#ooc#anyways that’s the dentist update. tldr; I’m fucking fine it’s just wisdom teeth fucking it all up
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need to dust + declutter my room in a major way but have not been able to come up with even a crumb of motivation to do little else but bed rot :(
#outside of visiting mum in hospital have just been. in bed#and it has bit me in the proverbial big time#got my centrelink payment cancelled because i couldnt face my appointment + then just let it slide#had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow that i was going to force myself to attend only to find out they pushed the cancel button today#it’s my own fault so can’t complain and am mostly just upset at myself for letting my mental health get on top of me to this point#esp when my service provider was so chill one lousy call and it would have been fine#anyways. here’s hoping the new claim won’t take the whole projected four weeks#that or that my ed kicks rocks and i manage to be a functioning member of society who can work a job#everything is just feeling very overwhelming :(#personal
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havent vented about how bad the hurricanes fucked up my family, the few outside of my siblings of people in this world i actually give a damn about because i figured i vent about plenty already but there is little more sickening to me than pretending so many deserved to die because of what strangers believe. you rant about your racist uncles and grandparents every thanksgiving, christmas, holiday, even joke about them. they are in your lives all the same. do you deserve to have your life, your entire life, past, present, and future, destroyed because your weird boss voted trump? then what about my family? our families? my family has voted blue, but would it matter? even if they voted red as blood, would they not have children? even then, neighbors? even then, strangers? none of it fucking matters, how they hell could it.
my close family, parents and siblings, are lucky enough to live elsewhere, but where we were raised and made our homes are histories are not. i never had a childhood home because hurricanes have destroyed every where we have tried. because we couldnt afford any better. same with most people. should we fucking die because of it? should the homeless die because of it? because of some snowbirds? i thought you didnt like 'boomers' controlling your lives, or thinking and acting like they do. so how come you let them control ours?
#emergency broadcast system#ive been trying not to be so emotional lately because my oma was so close to being freer than shes ever been#she was so close. no one deserves it more than her.#and the home she was going to make the rest of her life she has with us in? even if it was a dinky apartment complex? gone. destroyed.#not even in florida. fucking greenville. she was supposed to be safe. my baby cousins were supposed to be safe.#my great aunt was recently discharged from the hospital currently healing after fucking sepsis. they had over four days without electricity.#not to mention countless others i know. but i know no one actually cares about them. as long as theyre poor theyre allowed to die right?
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Istg if my doctors say “we’ve got no appointments” at 8:30AM. WHEN IT OPENS. I think i might just go missing, because this pain is 👹👹👹👹 and I almost ended up in hospital it’s that bad I sat in the bath in water that was so hot it peeled off my nail polish.
I literally was on the phone to 111 praying and basically just saying whilst it was ringing “please be a women” “please be a women” it was a women and I couldn’t have been happier but if this doctor tomorrow just tells me to take more pain medication or “it’s probably just irritation” I will flip my shit, because this pelvic pain is pain that I’ve never ever experienced in my life and it’s not fun, I never cry in pain when I’m on my period or towards the end but i literally had a breakdown because I was and still am in so much pain
#chrisevansdaughter rants#tw periods#periods suck#I really hope I don’t have to be sent to the hospital#I cannot love laugh love in these conditions#also I can’t go away for four months possibly outside the country if I get pain like this I won’t be able to work#in the engine room because it’s shooting and a pulling pain like something wants to come out
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my mum has stage four cancer
#we found out a week ago#august 4th - the worst day of my life#so there were a bunch of tests that mum hated so her team of doctors could have all the info they needed#but the last few days we've been out of hospital and. adjusting to life back at home#i've become a decent nurse#i lost feeling in my nose for four days due to intense crying#there are. no words for how devastating this has been#mums been sick a while. but neither of us could have predicted it was something so serious#and it's. very serious. i was in hysterical denial at first but#while i do believe theres a chance she'll live. that a miracle will happen#its very likely my mum. my wonderful mum will die#its not the ending she deserves. she deserved to have decades more. to hold her grandchildren#but it may not be#we have no idea how long until. nobody does. could be weeks. could be years. i'll take care of her#and she's on heavy painkillers around the clock so whatever happens? she won't go out suffering#i wasn't looking forward to telling y'all because. i knew it'd make me cry again#but i feel like using tumblr again. so i felt i should say something#i have been open about this to my close friends tho to be clear. i havent been bottled up. but yeah#ahead of time i say: thank you
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“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real
#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re#feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so#many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit#but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place#plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey#breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital#and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag#but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit#im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel#heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy#vent tw#im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and#sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept#out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any#only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time#im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it
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