#that shits gay as hell fuck it we ball

[floorpancakes]

fuck it we ball

[azure-clockwork]

I love three houses discourse because I'm pretty sure everyone just picks their route based on which house leader they're the most gay for and then tries to defend their pick by pointing out the other sides's war crimes via twitter memes. Reader, all four of them do substantial quantities of war crimes. So many. We're just here because the woman with Issues and a big fuck-off axe said so, and then we gotta justify everything she did in the name of dismantling the class system. I mean, I'm here for that, but you could also try justifying Charm Man uses poison and perfidy to try to stop racism, A Sad Little Meow Meow gives no quarter instead of doing therapy, or the Thicc Pope tries to bring back her mom via human experimentation, depending on your tastes

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

I remember reading someone say that they hope Seviathan ISN’T a jerk and if/when he comes to the hotel, he actually wants to help Charlie in her mission of redemption…then ends up with a crush on Vaggie, lol.

Mate, how funny would that be? 😂😂😂 You’re here to genuinely help your ex, then end up falling for her girlfriend. While it isn’t socially acceptable or appropriate, I think it’s cute. I guess Vags has that sort of affect on people.

oh man, if we go the absolute CHAD route for Sevi WHILE imagining him getting a crush on Vaggie... like, dude meets scary lady, doesn't notice how scary his EX gets over him staring at HER girlfriend, and maybe it's time for Sev to have some personal epiphanies?

Seviathan: "Knock knock? Yo Charles-a-lot! This really your hotel?"

Angel Dust: "Oh heyyy, look what the undead boy band dragged in..."

Husk: (snorts)

Charlie: "Sev? SEV! Holy shit what are you doing here!?"

Angel Dust: "Wait a sec, Sev? As in-"

Husk: "Oh shit."

Angel Dust: "Ex boyfriend on the hotel premises oh this is gonna get INTERESTIN'. Bet on how quick he gets maimed?"

Husk: "Fuck no. She'd kill us too."

Angel Dust: "Sigh... S'pose so. Spoil sport spear bitch..."

Seviathan: "I heard about your thing! Figured you could use a hand with the whole... uh... Sinner pet project obsession."

Charlie: "But Isn't there a game on right now-"

Seviathan: "Nah, everything's blocked out by replays of your little slap fight with heaven. Which I totally could've helped with too, if you'd given me a heads up first."

Charlie: "I did call? I said goodbye in case I died and-"

Seviathan: "Didn't hear it. You know I don't check voice mail. Everyone's always blowing up my inbox trying to to hit me up."

Angel Dust: "Oh my fucking gay."

Husk: "Would you hit that?"

Angel Dust: "If I did ya'd have to shoot me afterwards."

Seviathan: "Anyway, that's how I found out you'd actually went ahead and tried this thing out for real! And made a real mess of it. You totally cut off the final quarter of the best game of the year with all that live coverage."

Charlie: "Sorry, sorry- we REALLY didn't have say in the timing on that-"

Husk: "No shit."

Seviathan: "Eh. The team's played like shit anyway ever since I left."

Charlie: "Didn't you get kicked off for hogging the ball-"

Angel Dust: "Shocker."

Husk: "Never would have fucking guessed."

Seviathan: "Not dropping the ball isn't the same as hogging it and I never drop the ball on anything. You sure have though!"

Charlie: "I have? Where? Or er with what??"

Seviathan: "This hotel lobby for a start. Where's the billiards table!"

Charlie: "Ohhh. We don't have one."

Seviathan: "Why the hell not???"

Charlie: "No one's asked?"

Seviathan: "Well what the fuck does everyone here DO all day long? You've got actual people staying here, right? You're not still playing pretend hostess to stuffed animals and stuff?"

Angel Dust: "I kinda hope Vaggisaurus kills him."

Husk: "Don't get your hopes up. You know she's whipped and Charlie's a fucking sweetheart."

Angel Dust: "A bestie can dream..."

Charlie: "No I am NOT playing pretend hostess, thanks for mentioning it by the way, in public, in front of my friends- and yes we DO have guests at the hotel! Some of them here of their own free will even!"

Husk: "Not it."

Angel Dust: "Bullshit."

Charlie: "They have lots of fun activity time too! Even when we're not doing talk circles!"

Seviathan: "Uh huh."

Charlie: "Yes! Mostly we all like watching TV- well almost all of us- or listening to the radio to pass the time, or hanging out chatting, or reading-"

Seviathan: "So they're pussies."

Husk: "Hey."

Angel Dust: "Down, pussycat~"

Husk: (HISS)

Charlie: "They are NOT-"

Angel Dust: "Speakin' of pussy...."

Seviathan: "Yeah we're talking about you, what about it? Anyway."

Seviathan: (puts hand on charlie's arm)

Angel Dust: "Here it comes-"

Seviathan: "I've been thinking about us lately, and-" (spear thuds next to his head) "-SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT?!?!"

Husk: "Damn. She missed."

Angel Dust: "Just an openin' shot, Mr. Whiskers." (rubs all four hands together) "Oh this is gonna be goooood~"

Charlie: "Vaggie!" (BEAMING) "I thought we talked about this?"

Vaggie: (swoops down) "He's not a gust yet, babe, so I can greet him spear first if I want to."

Charlie: "Sev's my ex boyfriend though!"

Vaggie: "I know."

Vaggie: (yanks spear out of wall and holds it under his throat) "What the fuck are you doing here."

Seviathan: "I, uhh- is, is that angelic steel..?"

Charlie: (laughing) "Vaggieeee. You're scaring him~"

Angel Dust: "An' turnin' her on."

Husk: (elbows him)

Vaggie: "We said hotel security would be my thing until the threat of random asshole angel attacks went down, remember hun? This is my day job."

Charlie: "I never said I was complaining! Juuuust commentating!"

Vaggie: "Alright then."

Vaggie: (backs Seviathan against wall with her spear)

Vaggie: "Talk. Now."

Seviathan: (swallows hard) "I'm swinging by to help Charlie with the hotel thing-"

Vaggie: "Why."

Seviathan: "She used to be my girl, a guy's got a responsibility-"

Vaggie: "Did she ask you to."

Seviathan: "No? She, she doesn't have to-"

Vaggie: "Did you ask her if you could help."

Seviathan: "It's no trouble, I don't mind a little extra work-"

Vaggie: "Are you here to ask for a room in our hotel."

Seviathan: "In this place? Fuck no, you should see the digs I have, I've got a-"

Vaggie: "So you're trespassing."

Angel Dust: "Ohhh!"

Seviathan: "I'm wha-"

Husk: "Fucking screwed."

Vaggie: "You came here just to swan all over her hard work and stroke your own ego, is what I'm hearing."

Seviathan: "Hey girl, I'm here to he-ULP-!"

Vaggie: "Shut up." (over shoulder) "Charlie?"

Charlie: "Mm....wellllll... Since he's already here, as long he really does help, I'm fine with it. He's harmless. He'd just... um..."

Husk: "A fuckhead."

Angel Dust: "Don't take my fav word in vain, baby."

Charlie: "He's my ex for a reason."

Husk: "Fuck you."

Angel Dust: "Much better."

Vaggie: "He's your ex for an annoying reason, or for being an actual jerk who's earned getting kicked out on his ass for once in his life kinda reason, sweetie?"

Nifty: (popping up from floorboards) "Is he a BAAAAD BOYYYY~?"

Seviathan: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAt-"

Vaggie: "What part of shut up there's a spear at your throat don't you get."

Seviathan: (jaw clicks shut)

Charlie: "Nope! He's not a boy boy! Just annoying! Mostly."

Nifty: "DAMN IT."

Angel Dust: "How's the huntin' goin' today, Nif?"

Nifty: (pouts) "The last baby bug got away... I hadn't even finished ripping it's little legs off while the mother bug watched it squirm..." (slinks back under floor)

Everyone else: "....."

Charlie: "... so! (claps hands)

Charlie: "Sev, if you really wanna help out that's fine, we're still finishing up the last touches on the new hotel if you feel like doing a little paint work and furniture moving!"

Seviathan: "....."

Charlie: "Sev?"

Seviathan: "..."

Angel Dust: "Think we broke him."

Husk: "I think it's the fucking spear pressed up against his fucking windpipe."

Charlie: "Oh! Whoops. Vaggie, please?"

Vaggie: ".... fiiiine."

Vaggie: (steps back) (wipes spear on nearby curtains) "Answer her."

Seviathan: (staring) "What's your name?"

Vaggie: "Hotel manager. Answer her."

Seviathan: "Charlie-" (still staring at vaggie) "-I would LOVE to help set up your pet sinner terrarium thing!"

Vaggie: "Our WHAT."

Husk & Angel Dust: "Hey!"

Charlie: "It's a hotel, Sev."

Seviathan: "Uh huh yeah sure, that thing!"

Vaggie: (lifts spear)

Charlie: (gently pushes gf spear back down) "Oh I'm going to regret this... ok. Let's, get you some gloves and stuff."

Seviathan: "Alright!" (holds hand up to vaggie) "Give me some skin!"

Vaggie: "...." (lifts spear again)

Charlie: "Excuse us Sev just ONE moment!"

Charlie: (pulls gf safe distance away)

Charlie: "Vaggie..? You okay?"

Vaggie: "Fine."

Charlie: "You're eye's, um. Twitching." (tenderly brushes fringe away from gf's eye) "Are you okay with this? He doesn't have to stay."

Vaggie: "No. It's fine." (sighs) "I want to be okay with it."

Charlie: "It's okay if you're not!"

Vaggie: "I will be, sweetie. Just give me a minute." (leans up for kiss) "But. I need to go do a Niffty and stab something. Really hard. Right now. And if I stay here one minute more, it's gonna be him."

Charlie: "Okay." (giggles) "Have fun stabbing things that aren't my ex?"

Vaggie: "I'll try to."

Seviathan: "Oh hey I'm awesome at stabbing! And the thrusting!"

Angel Dust: "PLEASE stick around, toots."

Husk: (mumbling) "Please fucking stick him."

Seviathan: "Long hard things are totally my thing, I could give you a few pointers on handling them no problem!"

Vaggie: "No."

Seviathan: "Oh come on, how about a hands on demonstration-"

Vaggie: (at charlie) "Keep him away from the kitchen knifes. He looks like he'd stab himself showing off and make a mess."

Charlie: "Heheh~ I'll try to."

Vaggie: "Good luck with that babe." (smooches her) (flies off to go stab)

Seviathan: "...."

Seviathan: "She single?"

Charlie: "She- NO? She is not??"

Angel Dust: (whisper hissing) "Is he blind? Didn't they just kiss???"

Seviathan: "We'll she's gonna be single soon, but not for long."

Husk: "He's dead."

Demon Charlie: "Her girlfriend is ME, Seviathan."

Seviathan: "Girlfriend? So she's-"

Demon Charlie: "VERY VERY GAY and TAKEN, YES."

Seviathan: "Wait, with you? Seriously??"

Demon Charlie: "Yes. Me. For s e v e r a l. Happy. Years."

Husk: (lifts bottle) "Cheers motherfuckers."

Seviathan: "Ohhh, so all that making out with you she did, it wasn't just her flirting with m-"

Angel Dust: "Holy. Fuck."

Demon Charlie: "SHE WASN't FLIRTING WITH YOU! SHE LOVES ME- SHE WANTS TO KILL YOU!!!"

Seviathan: "I'd let her, to be honest. She's hot."

Husk: "Let her?"

Angel Dust: "Dude."

Husk: "The fuck does he mean, let her? He wouldn't have a fucking choice-"

Demon Charlie: "On second thought maybe you SHOULD'NT help out with the hotel, actually!"

Demon Charlie: (grabbing him by scruff of the neck and marching towards door) "It was VERY nice of you to drop by, PLEASE go have a good rest of your life, you'll probably have a LONGER one if you live it away from here!"

Seviathan: "Aww Charlie, getting nervous over having competition?"

Husk: (spits out drink)

Demon Charlie: "You are SOOOOOO not competition! You might end up being another hotel fatality though!"

Angel Dust: "Bet on which of 'em kills him first?"

Husk: "Shut up I'm trying to listen."

Seviathan: "I just think a woman like that should have her pick from the best hell can offer!"

Demon Charlie: "I'm the princess of hell???"

Seviathan: "Sure, but you hardly ever act like it."

Demon Charlie: "I...! She, she doesn't mind me being like me. She-"

Seviathan: "What, a commanding woman like that is fine with a spineless partner? No offence. But come on."

Angel Dust: "Alright, now I'm gonna kill him."

Husk: "Let her do it herself."

Angel Dust: "Hmph!"

Seviathan: "She's never asked you to try being more of an actual princess sometimes?"

Demon Charlie: "No, she... Not like, not like that..."

Seviathan: "Not like that, huh?"

Demon Charlie: "No." (yanks open door) "And our relationship has NOTHING to do with you."

Seviathan: (grabbing doorframe) "But you know it could."

Demon Charlie: "NO IT WON'T. COULDN'T! WILL NOT, EVER!!!!"

Seviathan: "So why're you throwing me out of your silly hotel thing, then?"

Demon Charlie: "....."

Seviathan: "Scaaaared...?"

Demon Charlie: (drops him) (shuts door) "I trust her."

Seviathan: "Said like no one who ever got dumped so their girl could be with me."

Demon Charlie: "I trust her not to ACTUALLY kill you, I mean."

Seviathan: "Fuck I hope she tries... Maybe I'll let her pin me again."

Husk: (SNORTS) "'Let her'..."

Angel Dust: "He's gonna earn a fucking Darwin award at this rate."

Seviathan: (dusting ash off himself) "Kinda impressed you got all demon-ed so fast for this though. That's new!"

Charlie: "I've told you, it only happens when I'm PISSED. OFF."

Angel Dust: "YEAH DOLLFACE GET HIS ASS!"

Seviathan: "I know but like, it used to take a lot to get you all riled up. I hardly ever got to see you like this in bed even. Maybe if it'd been easier we'd still be a thing?"

Charlie: "You know I realllly really doubt it since I dumped YOU."

Husk: "HA!"

Angel Dust: "WOOOOO! BURRRRRN!"

Charlie: "And I dumped you partly BECAUSE you kept trying to 'rile me up' so you could try having sexy scary demon sex with me!"

Angel Dust: "OHHHHH!!!!"

Charlie: "Not that you ever even DID!"

Husk: "Fuck yes."

Charlie: "Because I always had waaaaay more fun sleeping on the COUCH!"

Husk & Angel Dust: (high five)

Seviathan: "...."

Seviathan: "So that's a no to having a threesome with us once I'm dating your soon to be ex girlfriend, huh?"

Demon Charlie: "SEV-"

Charlie: (deep breath)

Charlie: "... why do you even think you like her, Seviathan? You don't know her. She doesn't like you. You don't even know her name."

Seviathan: "She's hot."

Charlie: "Can We Try To Be More Specific, Please."

Seviathan: "I don't know? It was cute how she tried bullying me against a wall like that. All snapping orders like she was some kinda drill sergeant, or like a hot coach lady, treating me like some kinda bug crawling by her shoe- Who doesn't think that's hot?"

Charlie: "...."

Charlie: "Ohhhh."

Angel Dust: "Oh FUCK!"

Husk: (laughing) "The motherfucking alpha man-"

Angel Dust: "He's a fucking sub!!!!"

Seviathan: "What, like the sandwich? Shit. Are my pants fitting too tight again-"

Charlie: "Angel Dust."

Angel Dust: "Yesssss oh fearless leader...?

Charlie: (covers eyes) (turns) (escapes)

Charlie: "He's all yours."

Seviathan: "Whoa wait, where're you going-"

Charlie: "I'm gonna go surprise MY longtime girlfriend with kisses!"

Seviathan: "Hold on don't leave me with these two! Charlie!?"

Charlie: (already gone)

Seviathan: "For fuck's sake then I'm outta here too! I didn't come here to hang out with lame guys-"

Angel Dust: "Oh my little baby boy."

Angel Dust: (grins) (leans in) ".....how's the idea of a woman standin' over you with a whip make ya feel?"

Seviathan: "Good?"

Angel Dust: "Mm-hmm. An' if ya was wearing a collar?"

Seviathan: "..." (takes off hat) (holds it over crotch)

Husk: "Great. Another horrible memory to drown away with booze." (swigs)

Angel Dust: (draping arm around seviathan) "C'mon, let's find ya a dom who WON'T for real rail you with her spear~"

Seviathan: "Oh whoa."

Husk: "Oh fucking save me booze..." (down in one)

Niffty: (sobbing under floorboards)

Husk: "What the fuck? What's wrong with you?"

Niffty: "Th-the bad boys..." (sniffling) "... why are so many of them turning out LAME? Even the king of HELL asked me if I was OKAY when he stepped out his door in his ducky slippers and found me lying in front of it like a rug! WHAT IS WRONG WITH BAD MEN THESE DAYS!?"

Husk: "...."

Husk: "Here."

Husk: (hands down drink)

Niffty: (hands popping out to grabby grabby) "IT'S SO SAAAAAD HUSK!" (snatches) (gulps) (gulps) (faint thump and snoring)

Husk: "I can't fucking believe I risked my fucking life for this place."

Husk: (smiles anyway)

[curtain-caller]

So I'm looking forward to seeing all the interpretations and headcanons people make for The Lucky Contestant (who I will also join in calling them "Lucky"), but I'm curious... Okay, raise of hands, who else here also pictures Lucky as a crafty, greedy, overconfident, sassy, morally bankrupt little shit (affectionate)? Or is that just me? Idk I just get those vibes from their choices in the game (elaboration below)

Like... the implications that they were combing through hundreds of boxes to get a tape to join the show??? That they were counting the boxes and keeping track??? The fact that the only way to escape at the start is to run PAST the giant fucking beast mauling another contestant instead of running AWAY from it??? Not to mention them leaving the other remaining contestants behind in doing so.

The fact they didn't hesitate when Deputy Duck pecked at them, fucking grabbing him by the neck and throwing him against the wall??? That screamed "I'm not fucking around, are you going to cooperate or not?" kind of energy. The way they barely move when they come across the Real Frankie in front of the monitors??? Like, I know you can't move during that segment probably so you don't just miss the cutscene, but in-universe, Lucky has ample opportunity to turn and fucking run, and we know damn well their fear response isn't freeze, it's flight.

Just. The entire noob noob section. I feel like they flinched one time during that and that was when they caught the first one, but only because the explosion caught them off guard. That slowed them down for 1 second, maximum. Hell, I've seen a few players laugh at that part, I feel like Lucky would too. The fact that there's no objectives to even try to escape Frankie's great value Parkour Civilization??? Like, in a game like this, I'd expect at one point for there to be an attempt to just escape the game entirely once shit hit the fan, only for the protagonist to realize the only way out is to begrudgingly play along and win. But nope. Lucky came here for the money, and they're getting that money. AND THE FACT THEY DO??? AND THEY'RE THE FIRST EVER ONE TO DO SO??? The way they just strut back into Frankie's office after their 57th near-death experience and look him right in the eye??? The whole ending segment where they go for another season??? It's not framed at all like they were forced to go again, because the Real Frankie just offered his hand out, and when we cut back, Lucky is casually looking at the ratings screen while standing on top of a pile of corpses. There are open gaps on the floor they can be standing on instead! But nope, just chilling on top of some dead bodies. Obviously we can't tell what their facial expressions are with the mask on, but they don't seem afraid or even all that tense about their situation either. To me, Lucky is the type of guy to go "I'm not gay, but 20 bucks is 20 bucks". Lucky is the type of guy to go "No, I'm taking the 5 million" only to sprint through that fucking door when Frankie whispers "Double or nothing". Lucky is the type of guy to walk past an old dead competitor and mutter "skill issue" under their breath. Lucky is the kind of guy to roll around in the glass money ball for enrichment like a hamster in a hamster ball. Lucky's the type of guy to keep going for season after season, for more and more money, until eventually they're not even doing it for the money anymore, relishing in the adrenaline rush and the glory instead. I just really love the idea that the reason why Lucky made it to the end so successfully was not only because of their skills and quick thinking, but because they also match Frankie's freak. Frankie was right: They need each other. They compliment each other. They enable each other in the worst ways possible. One wants to put the other through gradually more elaborate and deadly situations to increase ratings, and the other runs headfirst into those situations with the same energy as someone going cliff diving. It's like enrichment for them.

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Band AU: Hazbin Hotel

Because there's always a band AU.

-666 News Broadcast Theme Plays through the dive bar cafe from the small, flickering TV in the corner-

Katie Killjoy: Breaking News in the Pop industry today! Our sunshine and rainbows, Mandy Moore wannabe, and Princess of Hell, Charlotte Morningstar, has come out with a new music video to help promote a brand new album that appears to have been conjured up seemingly overnight.

Angel: Hey, Vagina! (Elbows Vaggie) Ain't that your girl crush from the open band night down at Husk's Casino two months ago?

Vaggie: (chokes on her coffee) What?! Turn it up, Jackass!

Angel: (steals the remote from across the bartop and turns up the TV)

Tom Trench: And, boy howdy, this makeover is on par with most Disney child stars diving off the deep end!

Katie Killjoy: (spears a pen through Tom's hand) No one gives a shit Tom.

Tom Trench: MY HAND!!!

Katie Killjoy: Spectators and fans of our usually diabetically sweet princess feel that this sudden shift is caused by her breakup with Seviathan Von Eldritch just last month, ending the royal arranged engagement, after he mentioned how she refused to "put out" before marriage in an interview with Hell's High Class Weekly.

Vaggie: (bristles) The douchebag....

Katie Killjoy: Let's watch as our lovely princess makes her breakdown public.

-Screen shifts to Charlie holding a mic in one hand while picking a guitar in another, wearing 2000's Avril Lavigne glam rock attire (hot pink, baggy cargo pants, black leather studded belt, rainbow converse, black leather wrist bands, grey tank top with two black goats faced just the right way so their curved horns make a heart and tied together with a rainbow knot, and a black and red stripped tie) Razzle and Dazzle are playing drums and bass-

Charlie: Don't you know that IIIIIIIII- (flips off the camera and sticks out her tongue while mouthing "Fuck you, Seviathan" as the song reaches its climax) I don't give a daaaaaaaamn about you!!! I won't give it up, not for you!!! I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy. A guy who thinks he's all that!

Vaggie: Whoa! (Big smiles like when Adam got stabbed) Get it, Charlie!

Katie Killjoy: (as the screen returns to normal) Other songs on the album include "Behind These Crimson Eyes", "The Dick Who Blocked His Own Shot", "Smack a Bitch", "Since U Been Gone", and the gay community's rabid favorite "Dear Vaggie"-

Angel: (sucking down his third popsicle for breakfast) What now?

Vaggie: WHAT?!?!?!?!

Katie Killjoy: -The obviously plagiarized parody of "Cool for the Summer" by Demi Lovato has unsubtle lesbian and bisexual overtones that specifically mentions Vaggie "the Steel Vagina". The lead singer and guitarist of the Power/Grunge Metal band, Fallen Angels

Angel: (wheezes as he laughs breathlessly and falls off his stool)

Vaggie: (steaming) Angel!!! ¡Eres un chupapollas, hijo de puta! Why would you tell the news that was my name?!

Angel: (ugly walrus gasps and giggles) Because it's better than I ever dreamed!!!!

Katie Killjoy: Fans of both artists are absolutely frothing at the mouth to see what Vaggie's response will be.

Tom Trench: Frothing at the mouth and other orifices, if you catch my drift. (Gets a pen slammed into his balls) GaaAhaHaaaaHaha!

Katie Killjoy: More on this story tonight at eleven.

Vaggie:

Angel: Soooooo~ Whatcha wanna doooooo~?

Vaggie: We're going to Tune Town, getting a copy of that album-

Angel: Ooooooooh-hohohoooooh~ I can visit dat nice glory hole they got there.

Vaggie: -THEN!!! We are going back to the apartment and making a response single.

Angel: Do you know what you even want to put in it?

Vaggie: (slipping on her jacket) I'll figure it out after listening to the album!

[novacorpsrecruit]

Holding a Double Edged Sword (for my heart’s protection)

T | wc 15,004 | no cw

Read full fic on Ao3

“Congrats on being straight,” Gareth greeted as Eddie walked into the Emerson’s garage.

“Shut the fuck up,” Eddie hissed. Steve sometimes swung by the garage to listen to them play. Another EddieandSteve moment. “Who told you.”

“Robin,” Gareth grinned. “We had a family get together last night. Our cousin’s in town for a few weeks and our parents want to do shit together.”

“Shit,” Eddie said, slinging his Warlock over his shoulder. He started to pluck at the strings, his fingers finding that familiar lovesick melody. “I forgot you guys are cousins.”

“Out of anyone in Hawkins, at least it’s Robin,” Gareth shrugged, casually stepping on the bass pedal keeping time as Eddie plays. “Is that Speedwagon?”

“Shut up,” Eddie said, switching to a Metallica riff. “Anyways drop it. We don’t need to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” Jeff asked, ducking underneath the half raised garage door. “Eddie’s boner over Steve?”

“Go to hell, Jeff,” Eddie snapped.

“No one’s judging you,” Jeff said hands raised. “Didn’t mean to offend you, or whatever.”

“He’s straight,” Gareth supplied. Eddie stopped playing and shot a glare at Gareth. Gareth shrugged.

“Since when?” Jeff laughed. “You, the only straight guy in our band?”

“Who’s straight?” Freak asked, entering from the door connected to the house.

“Eddie,” Jeff and Gareth said.

Freak laughed. Eddie fucking hated every single one of them.

“Shut the fuck up,” Eddie said, turning his attention back to his guitar. He picked at the strings, trying not to think of his fuck up. “I’m breaking up the band.”

“So soon?”

Eddie nearly broke a string as he looked up to see Steve duck his head under the garage door. He took a seat at the abandoned loveseat that never made it to the curb. Steve tossed a Tupperware of muffins on the side table.

“I figured there would be at least two albums before someone starts acting like a diva,” Steve grinned.

“You know Eddie,” Gareth grinned, suddenly under Eddie’s glare. “Always throwing curve balls.”

Steve let out a laugh. “Right.”

There was a quick moment of uncertainty that flashed over Steve’s face as he glanced between Gareth and Eddie. He leaned forward in the chair.

“Hey, uh, Jeff. Frank —“

“The government name,” Freak said, holding the bass guitar quiet. “This is serious.”

“Kind of — I mean — yeah — I —“ Steve ran his hand through his hair. Gareth gave a nod. Eddie turned to look at Steve, who was looking at him for something.

Oh.

Oh shit.

He wanted to come out.

Eddie gave a confirming nod, like Gareth.

“I —uh — hope it doesn’t change anything,” Steve continued, keeping his attention on Eddie before glancing back to Jeff and Freak. “I’m bisexual. I like both girls and guys.”

There was a quick beat of silence as suddenly Jeff and Freak processed their conversation moments ago.

“Oh!” Jeff finally spoke up, actually surprised. “Cool. I mean — thanks for trusting us.”

“Really,” Freak said. “It’s nice to know that someone like you is —well — like us.”

“Like us?” Steve asked, eyebrow raised. Eddie’s gut sank.

“Yeah,” Jeff said. He pointed to himself. “Gay —“ pointed to Freak — “Gay—“ pointed to Gareth — “Gay —“ then finally pointed to Eddie.

Eddie’s heart stopped.

“Straight.”

“You know me,” Eddie deadpanned, turning his attention back to the Metallica riff. “Super straight for girls.”

Steve nodded, a true smile growing across his face. “Thanks guys. Gareth said you would be cool, but it’s still — nerve wracking.”

“Yeah, we all get you,” Jeff said.

“Except for Eddie,” Freak added.

“Never know,” Gareth said with a shit eating grin. “Maybe one day he’ll find the guy that turns him gay.”

Eddie wished he could shoot lasers out of his eyes.

“Hey,” Steve said, his tone intrigued. “Is that Creeping Death?”

“Some ears you got, Harrington,” Eddie threw a grin towards Steve. “You —uh — said Gareth said the guys would be cool?”

“You missed the fact I talked about family dinner with the Buckleys?” Gareth frowned.

“You didn’t mention Steve,” Eddie retorted.

“He’s practically a Buckley!” Gareth argued.

“Robin invited me,” Steve said, as if that was the problem.

“Whatever,” Eddie huffed.

“Steve, did Eddie tell you about the battle of the bands coming up?” Jeff asked.

Eddie is going to kill him.

“No,” Steve said. “You guys competing?”

“Yep,” Jeff grinned. “Mid July. Winner gets the chance to record in an actual recording studio.”

“He — we meant to ask,” Freak shot Eddie a wink. “To see if you wanted to come. Can’t play without our favorite groupie.”

Correction.

Eddie was going to kill them all.

Steve threw his head back with a laugh, sweet like honey. “Sure. I’m more like a roadie than groupie though, with the way I lug around amps.”

Eddie wished he could enjoy Steve’s laugh. His smile. The fact he considered himself a part of the crew.

But he couldn’t help but notice the bruise on the base of Steve’s neck in the shape of a stranger’s mouth.

Continue reading on Ao3

[threepandas]

Bad End: Traps

"Darling~!" A rich voice greeted me, as I stepped through the final doors leading to an opulent office. "You're looking better! Are you finally adjusting to the anti-poisons? I know they made you feel quite sick."

THAT was an understatement. Try worst cramps and fever of my life, with a dose of puking for days. They put me on IVs. Buuuut? I wasn't gonna say THAT. Not a chance in hell. We, team Earth that is, were supposed to be here for DIPLOMACY. So? Fucking LIE~☆

Yep! "Bit" sick. Just a touch. Hardly noticed, really. Took a nap.

Veneni laughed, rising from the elegant sprawl she'd been resting on one of her "not called couches but totally are" things. To be honest, her voice reminds me of those old "radio stars" from the clips at the museums. All smooth yet husky, curling around you, like they're going to invite you somewhere dark to learn a naughty little secret if you're very VERY good.

Kind of voice you could listen too for HOURS, reading the most boring shit imaginable, and it be the best time you'd had in years.

I am... SO gay, for Veneni.

Like? You DO NOT UNDERSTAND. She SASHAYS. Not walks. Not strolls. Sashays! Like life is a catwalk and she is the alpha bitch here to show these other models how it's DONE. But also? Like she doesn't even NOTICE! It's just... effortless. How she moves. All delicate hand motions and rolling hips and curves.

That I Can Not Touch because she is SUUUUPER poisonous.

Which is? Frankly? Homophobic and a crime against me, specifically. Yeah, her whole species is like that. And it's why all of us are suffering through the Anti-poison adjusters. But STILL! I can't even "accidentally" brush her hand? No potential kissing of hot hot hot alien gf? Illegal. Blocked. Everyone here is a bastard and I want to complain.

.....not, mind you, that I have the metaphorical lady balls to actually CONFESS anything.

But you know... maybe.... maybe if I pine hard enough?

Good ol' stand awkwardly nearby and mentally project "NOTICE ME SEMPAI!" At her? I put on my nice outfit! Makes the girls look-! Wait, does her species even give a shit about boobs? FUCK. Okay, see this? THIS is why I was a flight assist. Just inventory and handing stuff to people who knew what they were doing.

MASTER of the fine arts of "I Can Understand The Instruction Manuel, In Case Of Emergency"!

Pretty good at coffee, too. Not to brag.

But, like? Jokes aside? Things had been... Bad.

Everything had gone to shit. Then somehow found a shovel in the manure pile and started digging. Started OUT okay! Really, it had! Travel was unexpectedly a bit rough. Some sort of space storm that went RIGHT over my head, but we dodged every major catastrophe. Got here in one piece.

There was a fancy meeting party. Whiiiich? In hindsight? Terrible idea. WAY too many people with hella poisonous skin, standing WAY too close. Only reason we didn't IMMEDIATELY lose the head diplomate? Was the regulation "new planet, unknown pathogens" full body biosuit. He? Got a HUG. Like... right out the ship.

Oof. That would have been IT, for him. Unfortunately, he didn't make it past that much longer. Someone's pet bit him. And? Yep. Completely fucking venomous. Lethally so. A tragedy, right? Outlier, surely?

Ha!

No. No this planet was trying to fucking kill us. It was a toxin coated hellpit and had so far? Murdered just over half the diplomatic crew. Those that were still alive? Over half of THEM were in emergency care. With just over a forth of the OTHER survivors being the only ones who could safely care for them.

Rest of us were either in isolation or sick as FUCK.

Isolation for those who needed to get rescued, because the Anti-poison adjusters would fucking kill them. Or sick as hell, for those few who remain that finally, FINALLY had found a way to Not DIE.

ALL WHILE PEACE TALKS WERE TRYING TO HAPPEN.

It was a shit show~☆

I? Went from basically a nobody? To "congrats! By merit of NOT being dead or dying, you're the head diplomat by proxy!" Which? Fucking WHAT? You could physically SEE the stress radiating off the poor guys back home, as they tried to speed run me through "how to not Accidentally A War 101".

I was pretty sure his cup, did in fact, NOT contain coffee. But I wasn't telling.

Instead, I got the honor of carrying the video call. Literally. Since our tech was incompatible. I got to carry the whole set up. Portable battery included. So the ACTUAL Really, Actually, Trained In Diplomacy, Diplomat could call in. And then I could look pretty and nod seriously at the appropriate times.

Mmmmhmmm. Yes. I agree. I both understand what is being said, AND support Earth's position on these matters! I have definitely studied the materials. Am supposed to be here. We have DEFINITELY suffered no catastrophic loses, pay no attention to the chaos behind the curtains! Diploooomacyyyyy....

God, she is pretty.

Watching her smile, her sensors gently shift around her like flowing water, the way her hand delicately gestured as she spoke? I... I wanted to build her, like, a cabin or something. Bring her breakfast in bed. Maybe adopt an alien dog together. And like? I don't even KNOW how to build shit. But, fuck it. I'd learn.

Cause I mean... you KNOW you got it bad, when you look at Toxic Super Hell the planet, look at pretty lady, look BACK at the planet that in no uncertain terms ACTIVELY thirsts for your blood... and go?

"So when do I move? Feeling REAL patriotic for my new home! Wooo, New Home!"

Yes I have a problem. Shut up, I'm aware.

A quite click signaled the end of their talks. Finally done for the day. I definitely, in now way shape or form, perk up like an excited puppy hearing the word "walkies". Because that? THAT would suggest I had WAY more dignity. I am a thirsty, thirsty bitch, okay? SO PRETTY. Nice laugh! Calls me Darling!! I have a LIST!!!

"Mmmm, what an unpleasant man that was. Did something happen to Mr. Ho?" She asked, stretching in the slow rolling way of hers. It looked boneless and decadent. REALLY distracting. "I hope nothing Serious~. We were nearly on the cusp of getting you home! I do hope he gets well soon. But, ah~, where ARE my manner today, Darling? You must be starving!"

Veneni sweeps forward to tuck my arm in hers, pulling me against her side. Even through my biosuit and her modest dress... I... I can FEEL her body heat. How soft and warm she feels pressed close against me. She smells tingly and spiced, kinda like citrus and mulled cider. NOT! That I'm smelling her! WHICH I'M NOT!! Because that would be so, SO creepy! It's just-!? You know-?! AaaaaaAAA???

She guides me to our little table. Probably set up for guests in general. But... you know... kinda like to THINK of it? As ours?

I REALLY need to stop while I am ahead. Good fucking gods. Ignore me.

Mmm, yes, distraction cake! Let's talk about THAT instead! Wonder what she-? I then choked on my drink. Because... because after bringing out the usual traditional deserts of she was teaching me about? And dishes I could try? Veneni... c.. casually as you please rests her chin, propped up on one hand, then reaches out with the other... to place it on my hand, which rests on the table between us.

Hear that? That's my soul screaming at a pitch only dolphins can make.

OH MY GOD.

I'd like to say? I don't immediately embarrass myself? But that's a lie. I make a wheeze reminiscent of something dying horribly. Against all odds. She is NOT immediately disgusted and done with me. Dear lord, my parents may actually have a chance at seeing me married! Holy FUCK.

Wait. No. Slow your roll.

SMILE first. We GOT this! Seduce her!

I open my mouth... and stupid fell out. FUCK.

"Calm yourself, Darling!" She laughs, the bemused fondness lighting up her face. "You hardly need to impress ME! Believe me. I knew you were mine the second I saw you. Nothing could possibly change that~"

Her cute fangs catch the light, deadly sharp. Her's is a predatory species. I wonder if they like social touch? Cause I REALLY want to cuddle. Hold hands. Touch. Ooooother stuff~ But! Mostly the Hold Cute Alien GF! Assuming that's where this is headed. Please GOD let that be where this is headed!

"I was thinking... and I don't want to be too forward, of course," oh god please do "and I hope I'm not interpreting things incorrectly!" You are not. Take me you magnificent, purple, high femme queen amongst the masses. "But... I would VERY much like to... get to know you, Darling. On a more... personal level...?"

I kept my lips pressed desperately together to keep from literally shouting the word "Yes" in her face. Be cool. BE COOL! We are both cool and Very Normal About This! Scream in incoherent joy later!

Y..Yeah! Sounds great!

This is the best day of my-!

An explosion shook the biodome. While the whole planet WAS toxic as fuck? There were levels to it's toxicity. Some places too much for even native life forms to handle. And, of course, no place that non-natives could safely survive. Thus the capital's biodome. Highly filtered air, earth, and resources. Built for diplomacy and several critical care hospitals.

Now under attack. Another bomb exploded. Cracks in the dome.

I could only stare in mute horror at the pillar of smoke. Because... Because that was the isolation area. Our evac's. Someone just blew up... Then my brain seemed to comeback online all at once, as adrenaline flooded my system. I looked between the still unpacked call system and Veneni.

A piece of tech or a high ranking, probably high interest target. My maybe hopefully girlfriend. Not really much of a choice.

Fucking LEAVE IT.

We had to go. I pulled Veneni up, told her as much. She looked so startled.

"Of... Of course, Darling. Yes. You're right. I AM probably a target, aren't I?" The thought didn't seem to have occurred to her. God, I felt like a monster having to bring such ugliness to her attention. Scaring her like this. But ignorance wouldn't keep either of us safe.

"I...I think there was a safe room?" She faltered, arms crossing almost artfully, looking so uncertain I couldn't help but want to comfort her. "But, Darling, I'll admit.. I'm.. I think I'm rather scared. Will you protect me? Stay with me? ...please?"

I couldn't help it. She looked so scared. So delicately small. I stepped forward, arms going around her. Pulling her close like I could shield her from the world. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I promised myself. Felt her arms, a few of her sensors, desperately curl around me.

I didn't see the smile, pressed against my front. That quickly vanished as she pulled back. Nor did I notice the calm technician, hidden in the shadows of a side hall, who nodded at Veneni as I herded her to "safety". Would think nothing of how, tragically, my rooms were hit in the follow up blasts. How very lucky, that Veneni has rooms to spare. But oh~ she would not want to over step!

I don't notice a lot of things. But hey, things are great! I got a girlfriend! Or, as she likes to joke,

She Got Me.

[ifwebefriends]

Hellaverse Tumblr Simulator part 1

Part 2 here

TW: unreality, mentions of death, mentions of sex

0 notes

🎞️ dancingqueen117 Follow

Extermination canceled, everyone go home I guess?

4 notes

🧨 imthebombau Follow

There’s this guy I kinda knew and he was NOT CUTE LMAO but he was kinda cool in a kicked dingo kinda way and earlier he kissed me confessed that he loved me and then I just found out he fucking DIED?????????

💝 whoreofsilk Follow

BITCH WHAT?!?!?!?

🧨 imthebombau Follow

Yeah it sucks I woulda let him hit 😔

💝 whoreofsilk Follow

Man died before getting some ass, saddest post I’ve ever seen

1094 notes

🐎 sluttykiller829 Follow

my fuck buddy/business partner/childhood friend just almost died i didnt even know he could do that and i dont know what to do about it lmao

🧨 imthebombau Follow

IM DEAD WHAT IS THIS RELATIONSHIP?!? 🤣🤣🤣

🎶 musicalslaughter029 Follow

Maybe go visit him? Make sure he’s okay?!

🐎 sluttykiller829 Follow

respectfully i am unable to do that

37 notes

🍾 drinksonme79 Follow

So my boss’ boss’ girlfriend just told us she was an exorcist and it was all dramatic and shit, and I didn’t want to say that I already knew but kept quiet, it was awkward as hell. LOL

❌ descendedlesbian Follow

Hey thanks for not telling man I appreciate it

🍾 drinksonme79 Follow

????????

829 notes

📺 tuninginfordrama Follow

Princess Charlie the typa cunt to go “snork mimimimimi” while sleeping and say “oh great heavens!” when surprised

❌ descendedlesbian Follow

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU CURSE OF 1000 ANGELS ON YOU

🎟️ princesscharlieafterdark Follow

Haha that’s funny! I would do that! 😆

📲 digitalbitch1337 Follow

4092 notes

💝 whoreofsilk Follow

So the extermination ended literally 2 hours ago and my boss is already asking when I’m coming in fuck this shit can someone kill him for me please?

🐍 itwasjustanapple666 Follow

On it.

48 notes

🐎 sluttykiller829 Follow

309 notes

📖 agonizedhoot Follow

I yearn to hold you close

But our love is forbidden, society says

I’ll love you in secret, in the shadows

Hoping that one day, we can break free from this maze

🏩 houseoflust Follow

Major L can’t relate grow some balls man

78 notes

🦾 clownofass Follow

Everybody forced to watch a hopeless gay pining romance play out in front of them that could be easily resolved deserves financial compensation

🔪 kountrykillin Follow

Agreed

📻 smilingdemon Follow

AGREED.

[silverbirching]

SO WE'RE EXCITED ABOUT HADES 2, RIGHT

At least we had all better be, while I'm waving this broken bottle around.

Look guys I'm a Classical mythology wonk. And I don't mean like, "hey I read the Percy Jackson books, they were neat", I mean when I close my eyes before I sleep I pray to every god who might conceivably be listening that Linear A gets deciphered in my lifetime. I mean I've got a giant metal print of Circe Invidiosa by John Waterhouse in my bedroom. I mean that if you make the mistake of mentioning Hadestown in my presence you have unwittingly activated the trap card of "Sam talks about his string-and-sandwich board conspiracy theory about how Persephone was a terrifying eldritch queen of the dead and the entire greek world was scared shitless of her, so maybe knock it off with all these tender waifs in flower crowns, artists of the last two thousand years for two solid hours."

(The Percy Jackson books are extremely neat, btw)

So cut to 2020, the year of shit, and here comes a game from one of my favorite studios of all time, about one of my favorite subjects of all time, and it's gorgeous and deep and full of stupid gay drama and the art melts my eyeballs and the voice acting (true to Supergiant tradition) is basically indistinguishable from foreplay. So I played it. I played the absolute balls off of it.

AND THEY'RE MAKING A SEQUEL, HOLY SHIT

so the Thing about Chthonic deities is the underworld really creeped the Ancient Greeks out, so there's not a lot of writing about them that has survived to the present day, since if they were worshipped it was usually by mystery cults or more in an avoidant "please please please don't notice me I've been a good boy please" kind of way.

Hence why our favorite bisexual softboi dreamboat Zagreus doesn't really feature much in the mythology, except he was probably an offshoot of Dionysus and usually got synchronized with him, Hades himself, or Mycenaen Poseidon. They make a joke about this in Hades, btw (they make a fucking JOKE SONG about in in Hades).

BUT DID YOU KNOW ZAGREUS HAD A SISTER!?

Her name is Melinoë, and she's also cited from very limited sources, but I want to show y'all the brilliant Apostolos Athansssakis' translation of one of the view sources we have, the Hymn to Melinoë:

I call upon Melinoë, saffron-cloaked nymph of the earth, whom revered Persephone bore by the mouth of the Kokytos river upon the sacred bed of Kronian Zeus. In the guise of Plouton Zeus tricked Persephone and through wiley plots bedded her; a two-bodied specter sprang forth from Persephone's fury. This specter drives mortals to madness with her airy apparitions as she appears in weird shapes and strange forms, now plain to the eye, now shadowy, now shining in the darkness— all this in unnerving attacks in the gloom of night. O goddess, O queen of those below, I beseech you to banish the soul's frenzy to the ends of the earth, show to the initiates a kindly and holy face.

My guess would be is that Supergiant will not have her be the child of Zeus under false pretenses (there's sources that indicate Zagreus is also a child of Zeus) but still. Dope. Rad as hell. Zag's baby sister is a twin-bodied goddess of nightmares and I am excited a normal amount.

Also Apollo is gonna be in this one, you guys.

Look at this magnificent pain-in-the-ass. I can already tell you he's going to be 10,000% annoying, and I am completely here for it.

[lunaandco]

wag

pairing: gavi x ofc

social media au

summary: turns out gavi was the wag all along

author's note: i adore the concept of gavi x barça fem player, as you can see

masterlist

@ barçapix posted:

liked by user1, user2 and 4.282 more

barçapix: compilation of gavi being spotted cheering for barça femení at the johan cruyff stadium!!

user1: bruh, i didn't realise he was there so often

>user2: fr he's truly culer

user3: 💙❤️💙❤️

user4: the biggest culer out there

user5: how does he not get bored by women's football

>user6: easy! he knows ball

user7: he's studying the formula to win every match 9-0

user8: ngl if I had unlimited access to Barça fem matches I would be going everyday like does

user9: King shit

@ andreagarcia04 posted:

liked by pablogavi, salmaparalluelo and 192.282 more

salmaparalluelo: mi niñaaa

andreagarcia04: see yall at the copa de la reina final! visca barça i visca catalunya! 💙❤️

user10: let's fucking goooooo made in la masiaaa

user11: back to back pokers? who says no?

>user12: la teoria del cuatro is alive and well 😋😋

user13: 4-0??? me repites ese numerín?

alexiaputellas: 💙❤️😋👊

user14: go girlsss!

user15: iconic

janafernandez: vamoooos

vickylopez: madre miaaaa

user16: farmer's league, no wonder they win everything

>user17: they still win the wucl so...

pablogavi: 💙❤️😍😈

@ barçagossip posted:

liked by user18, user 19 and 7.458 more

barçagossip: gavi's sister aurora was seen attending the game with some unknown girl... a possible new wag?

user18: who is she?

>barçagossip: we don't know. footage is blurry as hell and her face doesn't show

user19: how do we know that she was with aurora? she could have just been in the seat next to her by chance

>barçagossip: check the video, it looks like they are talking

>>user19: I see. Still not concrete proof for me

user20: aurora posted some pics of the match and she's alone in all of them...

user21: she looks a bit fat, doesn't she?

>user22: she looks thick, but not fat. more like a bodybuilder

>>user23: can we no discuss women's bodies like this?

>>>user24: still, muscular women are not beautiful, so I doubt that is gavi's girl

>>>>user23: yall are disgusting

user25: good, bring it in. we need more iconic wags

@ andreagarcia04 posted to her stories:

[replies are restricted]

@ pablogavi posted to his stories:

[replies are restricted]

@ barçagossip posted:

liked by user26, user27 and 19.829 more

user26: plot twist

barçagossip: gavi has been spotted attending the copa de la reina final wearing an andrea garcía jersey...

user27: gavi was the wag all along??

>user27: I guess they are each other's wags.

user28: power couple power couple power coupleeeee

user29: am I the only one who thought she was gay?

>user30: to be fair more than half if her team are lesbians. Guess she's the exception

user31: that doesn't mean that andrea and gavi are dating. they can just be friends...

>user32: he's literally celebrating the title with her and her family on the pitch AND there is a video of them making out. give me a break

>>user33: 💔💔💔

user34: those are a lot of broken hearts at the same time lol Good for her

user35: the baby will be super culer lmao

>user36: porbably an attacking midfielder, seeing their prophiles

user37: okay that's cute ngl

@ andreagarcia04 posted:

liked by pablogavi, user38 and 238.436 more

andreagarcia04: força barça

user38: welp.

user39: so she goes to his games now? the support was pretty one-sided before hard launching

>user40: she can go unnoticed more easily than Gavi. she probably went to many games without us knowing

pablogavi: te quiero

>andreagarcia04: yo a ti igual

user41: Queen

user42: woahhh

user43: good luck charm!

user44: teach those boys how it's done!!

[weird-bookworm]

LET'S SPREAD SOME LOVE!!!!!

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

😄

oh god this is gonna be one hell of an answer

@fairyhaos because shes the sweetest comfiest most adorably chaotic lil ball of energy + she gives the best advice like hello??? what are you??? oh god my heart goes a little off track everytime we talk i just love you so much

@wheeboo okay shes part 2 of the they-make-me-feel-the-safest trio along w yena and axe like please i stumbled across the sweetest sassiest boo stan ever ALSO UR GORGEOUS???

@blue-jisungs axeaxeaxeaxeaxe so chaotically lovely and so boomer and so fun and yoid think shes savage but no shes just soft and as harmful as a pinecone (why do u remind me of tht one joon meme of him just. sitting there. peeling potatoes. in tiny.)

@slytherinshua we kinda talked less for a while bc life happened and then caught up (kinda lol) and im so glad to see shes still as crazy and lovable as ever (im waiting for tht ppt) like talk abt impressive. impressive is her whole personality. sometimes in, uh, less than conventional ways...hehe

@eternalgyu HANNIE WHERE TF R U I MISS UUUUUUUU 😭😭😭😭🫶🏻 like yk what i imagine when i think of hannie? causing mischief. LIKE IDEK WHY OKAY i just feel like we'd be running around giggling like idiots js pulling random pranks on people and js the thought makes me smile

@yllouhannie ylli is like love. ylli is gentle and kind and sweet. shes understanding and passionate and really quite cute. oh my love you make me wanna jump off a cliff because how can someone like you exist 😭 (no srsly what is this witchcraft ilysm mwah)

@woozvc nora is like home. which is saying a lot lmao i sound dramatic but like yk when u just talk to someone and it feels just right even tho ur not rly doing much? shes older but she lets go and i can just feel how absolutely beautiful this person is *melts off a cliff*

@welcometomyoasis shu oh shu i have no words so pardon if this is a little small but. ik i say this a lot but i rly do mean it. i love you. so much. yr msgs and reblogs and asks always make a smile and they make me giddy and suddenly nothing is wrong with the world 🥺

@haecien bro is my ultimate gay bestie like what else do you need in life other than cien. what. nothing is the answer. life is complete when u hv cien and his shenanigans lolol like i dare you try to Not like him. i m p o s s i b l e.

@glosskirt AYYYYY MY ARMY SOULMATE we connected over min yoongi. we still rant over min yoongi. we shall die talking about min yoongi. like there is nothing better than having someone to fangirl with over my favs gloss you filled a hole in my life <3

@mesanthropi weiwei!!!! my little bundle of sugar spice and everything nice!! (+ chaos and a passion about the randomest shit ever how do u live why am i not this exciting) how is it always fun to talk to you and why do ur msgs excite me so much

@aaniag chaos. thats it. chaos. this woman brought with her about half a dozen more desi moots for me like how do i hug you how do i appreciate you enough i ugghhhh 😩

@thepoopdokyeomtouched im still waiting for my flirting yk? lol on a serious note, u and ur crazy streak r probably the most entertaining thing on here, and i fucking love it. i love ur chaos and the fact tht u choose to share it w me, thank you 🫶🏻

@arafilez bro rly dropped outta thin air like a fucking ghost and made my life abt a 100x more exciting where were you my entire life ara. where. why didnt the atz rants and the writing and the random asks show up sooner. why.

@nonononranghaee HAFS MY LIL CUTIE PATOOTIE WHY DO I ALWAYS WANNA SQUISH U NOMNOM U CRUSH U KSKSJEHEH u give me so much cuteness aggression oh my god...

@kkooongie sarah sarah sarah sarah sarah i live for ur writing and im always looking forward to our little chats abt books and random stuff (...when r u updating btw 😅)

@maeleelee @mxnsxngie @imagine-a-life-like-this i don't tell you guys enough how much i love and appreciate each one of you. i dont tell u enough how grateful i am whenever i think abt u bc god ik how hard it is to take in a random person in ur circle, to adjust w a kid, to make said kid feel safe and included and loved. so thank you. for all that you do for me and for loving lil ol' me <3

@cadenonlinelive where u at damn i hvnt seen u in ages

@rubywonu @idubiluv GUYS STOP HIBERNATING ITS NOT WINTER ANYMORE I MISS U

[laundrybiscuits]

(young man what do you wanna be tag | Ch1-2 on AO3)

“Hey, did you and Jonathan tell Will to ask me about—” Steve glances around like the world’s worst spy, and leans close even though they’re the only living souls in the trailer. “About gay things?”

“Uh,” Eddie says. “No? Wait, Jonathan might’ve.”

Steve pushes both his hands through his hair. “Why would you do that! Shit!”

“Again, I did nothing in this scenario,” says Eddie. “I’m pretty sure this one specific thing is not my fault.”

“He asked me about our relationship,” says Steve. “He wanted gay advice.”

Eddie swallows down his first impulse, which is to demand to know whether Eddie’s advice isn’t good enough for Will all of a sudden. “Okay,” he says instead. “What did you tell him?”

“I don’t know! I quit giving Dustin advice on girls, like, years ago! By the time I was Will’s age, I was pretty busy fucking up the only serious relationship I ever had.”

“Sure, maybe, but you can’t think about age that way. It’s like…” Eddie tilts his head. “For a lot of us, there’s a—a late start, right? It’s like a whole different time scale, because we gotta figure ourselves out first. We don’t get the manual to all this shit, so we either waste our time chasing some kind of picket fence life that we don’t actually want, or we just make it up from scratch.”

“Right, cool, okay,” says Steve. “I didn’t say anything like that. I told him to keep his chin up. I—think I called him slugger.”

Eddie pats him on the shoulder sympathetically, definitely not feeling at all vindicated about the fact that he’s clearly winning at gay mentorship. “Could be worse. What did the littlest Byers say?”

“He’s taller than Jonathan now,” says Steve.

“So not the point, sweetheart.” Eddie rolls his eyes. “C’mon, how’d it go?”

“Shit, I don’t know.” Steve huffs out a breath and pushes his hand through his hair. “Not good, I don’t think. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with that kid. He just wanted to know how I figured stuff out, and like—why I wouldn’t just go with girls.”

“Yeah, uh, on that note,” says Eddie. “Is this a new development? Like.”

He pauses, trying to figure out the exact right arrangement of words.

“Like…” he says, slowly. “I’m just wondering, you know, why it hasn’t come up before. I mean, you already know about me, everybody knows about me. Is it—”

Did you not want me to think—

Did you not want—

“Pretty new, I guess,” says Steve. He lies back, arms folded behind his head, taking up more than his fair share of Eddie’s bed. Eddie climbs over him and takes his usual place tucked up against the wall, keeping a careful distance.

Steve’s parents are leaving again tomorrow, so this might be the last time for a while. It’s not like they won’t be seeing each other all the time; at this point, they’re so tangled up in each other’s lives that it’s not so unusual for them to hang out every day for weeks without even trying.

But it might be the last time for a while that they lie here like this, in a shadowy space where the line between thoughts and words gets slippery enough to cross. Eddie tries real hard not to think of it as anything special; it’s just his stupid fucking heart running away with him, the way it always does.

“Okay,” says Eddie.

After a while, he says, “Goodnight.” Steve doesn’t answer.

———

“Eddie!” Robin hollers from across the store. “We’re enemies now!”

“Okay!” he yells back. “Why?”

“Why do you think, asshole!”

This is getting unsustainable, so Eddie wanders over to the counter where Robin’s cashing out.

“Is it because I’m giving you a ride home out of the goodness of my heart? Unconventional, but I respect that.”

She chucks a balled-up receipt at his head. “Steve, dumbass.”

“Whoa, whoa,” he says, ducking out of the way and holding up his hands like he’s trying to soothe a spooked horse. “I dunno what he told you, but I didn’t do anything to him.”

“Exactly,” snaps Robin.

“Robin,” he whines, switching tactics. “C’mon, don’t be pissed at me. You know you’re my favorite lesbian in the whole wide world. You’re the cheese in my burger, the fries in my shake. My wretched soul cannot bear the weight of your scorn.”

He can tell she’s still trying to be mad, but the corner of her mouth is twitching, so he drapes himself over the counter and wails, “Milady Robin! Say only that you can forgive my dark and unworthy deeds, whatever they may be, or I shall perish right here in this fine establishment.”

“You really don’t know what you did, huh,” she sighs. “God, you’re the worst.”

Eddie peeks up at her through his hair. “Planning to enlighten me any time soon? Or are we going straight to pistols at dawn?”

“We are going to be driving me home,” says Robin. “And we’re going through Taco Bell on the way. We’re still gonna be enemies, but you can purchase a temporary peace treaty for the low, low price of two chalupas and a large Sprite.”

———

“Hey, Harrington, why’s Robin mad at me?”

“Mad at—? Oh. Uh, I think she misunderstood some stuff.”

Eddie groans. “Is this about the fake dating thing again?”

Steve looks a little pained. “Maybe?”

“Byers needs to go his own way! Call it another—lonely day, or—you know what I mean. Buckley can’t take in every wounded baby bunny that stumbles across her path.”

“I don’t think that’s what’s happening.”

“Sure, okay. So, do I need to defend my honor by finding Will a boyfriend or something?” Eddie pauses. “I realize that sounds like an insane scheme, but consider this: it’s still better than Operation Happy Ending, so I’m standing by it.”

“Not cool, man,” calls Argyle from the floor. Eddie has a theory that Argyle likes lying down on the floor because he’s tall. It’s not a very well-developed theory.

“No, no, I’m fully on board with the name,” Eddie assures him. “Baller name. You hit it out of the park on that one, dude.”

“Righteous,” says Argyle. “Appreciate the support.”

“The idea still sucks,” says Eddie. “But that is one hundred percent the fault of Jonathan Byers, and you remain the utterly blameless light of my life.”

A sudden thought strikes him, and he sits up, dislodging Steve’s hand in his hair.

“Hang on, Steve—did you ever actually tell Will that we’re not dating?”

“What? Yeah, of course.” Steve frowns. “Uh, probably? Man, I don’t really remember.”

Eddie shoots him a squinty look, and Steve holds his hands up. “Dude, I don’t know! I wasn’t trying to lie to the kid, there was a lot going on. Don’t know why he didn’t go ask Argyle instead.”

“Oh, he totally did, my bro,” says Argyle. “I think he’s, like, doing the rounds. I just told him not to worry about a thing and let the Lady Fate lead the way. I dunno if he was ready to embrace the Lady, though. He didn't really seem to get it.”

“Fucking great.” Steve leans back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “Between the three of us, maybe he’ll get some kind of actual goddamn life lesson or whatever.”

“Fuck you, I am an amazing Gandalf. I mean mentor,” says Eddie. "Wait, shit. Does that mean Byers has been getting most of his actual gay advice from me? Holy shit, we can't let that happen. I'm like—the worst possible future for that kid. Steve, you gotta go back and try again."

He smacks Steve's shoulder. "Go back and tell him some real stuff! And tell him we're not dating, or he'll think he has to settle for the first loser that threatens him with a broken bottle!"

"Wait, is that—you don't actually think that, do you?"

"I mean, I'd like to say nobody will ever threaten him with a broken bottle, but Lady Fate works in mysterious ways. And frankly, given his whole…" Eddie waves a diffident hand. "Penchant for sniffing out trouble like a bloodhound after a T-bone, he's definitely going to wind up on the wrong end of a bar fight at least once or twice."

He pauses. "Don't tell Jon I said that, he'll wig out."

"Okay, but like—you know you're not—a loser, right?"

Steve touches Eddie’s back, a warm brush of fingers, and Eddie shrugs uncomfortably. "Just a figure of speech, Harrington. Don't worry your pretty little head about my ego, I'm doing great."

"Hell yeah you are," says Argyle. "Great as Gandalf."

Eddie is like 90% sure Argyle doesn't actually know who Gandalf is, but he appreciates the gesture.

"Thanks, dude," he says, poking Argyle’s head with his foot affectionately. "You're a great Gandalf too. The most Gandalferous."

"Can everyone stop saying Gandalf please," says Steve, so obviously Eddie has to bellow "Gandalf Gandalf Gandalf" right in his ear until Steve puts him in a headlock.

It's a pretty good afternoon.

[rius-cave]

I have a new AU everyone!!

So, Charlie IS Adam and Lucifer’s daughter. They did the wap bap boom at Eden and ALAKAZAM! There is a ducking little kid coming out of Lucifer’s hat. Heaven decides to seperate them instead of throwing them at the same place, Lucifer takes the responsibility saying it was all his fault, that Adam was drunk or whatever and falls to hell with Char-char -where Lilith is for disobeying God’s orders and she isn’t a bitch btw there is just no romance between them- And they do not let Adam get away and also decide to throw him to Earth where Eve was because she ate the apple before. And she is angry at Adam. Not a happy marriage if you’d ask me.

Then he dies. Becomes one of the leaders of exterminators even though he doesn’t want to -Other one is Eve- and stumbles to his son, Cain during one.

“Shit I can’t just- Go the fuck away Cain”

“Oh, still a ball of sentiment I see. It’s a shame we don’t allow those HERE!”

Now he’s in hell. Lucifer finds him. They all raise Charlie together with Lilith being the cool aunt and Lucifer & Adam being the gay dads

And I worked on this shit for 2 hours

Ooooh! Alrighty, that's definitely a telenovela right here lmao! A lot of things happening to them. I also love the "they did the wap bap boom" LMAO

Eve as an exterminator is also interesting, I wonder how she'd look... Probably hot let's be real

[scarystoriesfromthegayside]

The Long Locks

My sister had a boyfriend named Patrick and his hair was really long. EVERYTIME he would come over to the house or to social events we had I would always end up staring at his hair. He was fit, muscular and blonde. He had a perfect smile that made me giggle every time I would think of it in my sleep. What my sister doesn’t know is what I saw one day after swimming class. Patrick and I were in the same swim class together in college. As we were in the locker room, I had happened to look over and saw Patrick peeling off his swim trunks. And there I saw his dick dangle, it was long and thick. His bush was the color of his hair. His balls dangled down past the head of his dick. It was mouth watering. When he wrapped his towel around, I did the same a minute and went the showers. I went to the one a few showers down from Patrick. He was already wet and full of suds all over his body. His ass was fuzzy, not that hairy though and blonde like his hair as well. He played with his dick and balls, cleaning them and flipping it around. I smiled as I placed soap into my hands.

“Hey man, you are hard as a rock,” Patrick said.

I looked down and noticed it was me he was talking. My dick was really hard. I could have blushed but all I could do was laugh. I looked at Patrick.

“Why are you looking?” I asked smiling.

“It is quite noticeable,” Patrick said, smiling back.

“So is yours,” I said. Patrick was getting hard as well.

“Oh shit! Listen, don’t tell your sister that. She already thinks I’m gay as hell.”

“Well, if you’re turned on by seeing another dick hard, are you?”

Patrick stood there looking at me. He smiled and laughed. And I laughed too. Taking that we were the only ones in the locker room right now Patrick started to get closer to me.

“May I?” Patrick asked.

I nodded and he grabbed me. His hands were soft and silky from the soap he used for his body. His touch made me close my eyes as his touch was so warm, so nice. He stroked me up and down, making me harder and harder. Just then I opened my eyes to see Patrick close to my face. I couldn’t help but lean in and place lips on his. I forced my tongue inside of his mouth, trying to taste everything of him. We both moaned as we tasted each other. Then Patrick released and pushed me to the wall. The shower still going, making us more wet. Then Patrick went down to his knees and didn’t waste time placing my cock in his mouth. I gasped at the feel of his mouth all over my meat.

“Ah, suck me,” I said.

He moaned with the meat in his mouth. I placed my fingers into his long locks and motioned his head up and down on my dick. Then he got up quickly to kiss me more. I replaced the offer and went down to suck his dick. His slit was already filled with precome. It was a few minutes until he lifted me up. Push me into the wall face first. He then went to my entrance with his dick. Just then he pushed in after spitting down to the entrance. I gasped as he slid right into.

“You’re fucking tight,” Patrick whispered into my ear.

Then his thrusts went quicker, harder. I moaned and clawed the wall as he went in and out of me.

“Oh Patrick. You are so big,” I moaned. “Fuck me harder.”

Just then Patrick moaned loud into my ear and then stopped and then I felt his dick pulse into me as he released himself in me. Once he was out he went down again on my dick. I squirmed and then moaned loud releasing into his mouth. He stood up and swallow all my come in front of me.

“I think I’m dating the wrong sibling,” Patrick said.

“She’ll be okay,” I said. And kissed him again.

[bingbongsupremacy]

How To Kiss

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

Warnings: Confusion about Sexuality. I've never actually read a teen magazine so idk if they had shit like this. Sounded good. Ellie and Reader are like teens in this rn. It's going to fast forward to when they're older in the part 2 im going to do.

I haven't had my first kiss yet. Hopefully someday bros.

Summary: The day you and Ellie discovered you were both gay.

Song: I kissed a girl - Katy Perry

(Btw Credit to Liv McConnel at teen vogue for the kissing steps. I took them from there. )

Also Joel works at an Auto Shop in this.

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

*****

My fingers brush over the shiny pages of Savage Starlight. Ellie quietly hums along while tapping her foot on her space themed bed cover.

" Fuck no. " Ellie mutters, flipping the page of the comic. " That ass. " She whispers.

A small grin makes its way onto my face. Ellie's habit of talking to herself while reading her comics is the funniest thing.

I finish the book and turn to look at my best friend. Her brows furrow in concentration. Her top teeth softly bite down on her lower lip, her gaze focused on the pages in front of her. She lets out a sigh and shuts the comic, glancing over at me. " I can't believe we have to wait until next month for the next book. I need to know now! " Ellie complains with a huff.

" I know! " I turn my gaze up at the ceiling. " At least we have the rest of the books to re-read. "

Ellie hums in agreement. " What should we do now? Joel's not going to be home for another hour. He's bringing pizza. "

Ellie's adoptive father was working a late shift at the auto shop he worked at.

" Nice! " I sit up and turn to her. " Guess what I snagged from my sister. " I smirk while pulling open my brightly colored backpack.

" Um uh a dog? "

I roll my eyes. " Why the hell would I keep a dog in my backpack for so long, Ellie. "

Ellie shrugs and leans back against her headboard. " Variety is the spice of life. "

I chuckle. " What the fuck. "

I pull out a teen magazine. " It's a girl magazine thing! My sister has like seventy of these from when she was younger. I found them when I was snooping around this morning! " I grin while flipping through the pages. I open up to a page of Justin Bieber. " Justin Bieber is in like almost all of these! "

Ellie crinkles her nose. " Bro not Justin. "

I roll my eyes and toss one of the magazines to her. " I thought we could look at them. "

We flip through the pages of the magazines. We take some quizzes (All of which Ellie makes fun of) and read some of the advice.

" How To Kiss " Ellie reads out loud. " What the hell. " She goes to turn the page.

" Wait! Let's read it. " I reach for the magazine.

" Why? It's not like you have a boyfriend. " Ellie smirks.

I glare at the girl. " Fuck you, Ellie. I just want to read it, okay? Who knows, we might need that in the future? "

" Fine. " Ellie sighs. " Fine. "

The two of you huddle around the brightly colored magazine.

1. Build up to the kiss.

2. Make sure the kiss has your, and the other party’s, consent.

3. Start things slow.

4. Keep your mouth soft and relaxed.

5. Switch your area of focus and/or your speed.

6. Speaking of area of focus — move things away from their lips.

7. Go easy on the tongue.

8. Don’t overthink it.

9. Talk about it afterward!

" Doesn't sound that hard. I literally could've told you that. " Ellie mutters. " Kissing isn't a hard concept. "

I continue on reading through the different categories. " But like, it seems hard. How do you know if the other person likes it? "

Ellie grabs a small ball from her bedside table and starts throwing it up into the air. " They'll probably tell you. "

" Have you had your first kiss? " I ask while watching the other girl curiously. She would've told me if she'd been kissed, right? I mean, we tell each other everything. It's always been that way, always will be that way.

Ellie pauses throwing the ball and glances down at me. " No. " She admits, a small blush crawling onto her cheeks. " But I mean, kissing can't be that hard. It's like...common sense. People do it all the time. "

I frown. " What if I'm a bad kisser? "

" You won't be. " Ellie shakes her head. " Stop reading that shit, it's getting in your head. Let's just do something else. Like watch a movie or something. "

" Seriously tho, El. What if I'm a bad kisser. What if the person I kiss is so horrified by my kissing, they leave me? " A million scenarios run through my head.

Ellie lets out a groan. " Oh my god. Will you just stop. You're going to be a fine kisser. " Ellie meets your gaze. " Look, if...if you want to...we could like I don't know. Practice or something. " A tinge of red spreads over Ellie's cheeks. She avoids my gaze, instead staring straight at the magazine.

I look at her in shock. Kissing Ellie? I'd be lying if I said I never had thoughts of kissing her before...but everyone has thoughts, right? I mean Ellie's eyes are some of the prettiest I've ever seen. She's definitely attractive. But I like boys. I think. Plus Ellie's not gay. Right?

Ellie shifts uncomfortably. " Never mind, that was-that was stupid of me to offer. Let's just watch a show-"

" No. " I shake my head. " Let's do it. I mean, we both need practice. " Suddenly it feels like my heart starts pounding faster. My fingers feel the urge to fidget with something out of pure anxiety.

Ellie nods and moves the magazine to the side. She positions herself in front of me, on her knees. Ellie eyes meet with mine before she glances down at the magazine, obviously looking over the steps.

I'm about to comment on her hypocrisy when she suddenly puts her hand on my chin. She draws her face close to mine. Her minty breath fans over my mouth, causing me to freeze in anticipation.

Ellie slowly leans in. In seconds, I feel her warm lips on mine.

My heart feels like it explodes. Butterflies seem to soar around my stomach, confusing me. What am I feeling? What is this? How is this happening?

My eyes study Ellie's relaxed face. Her eyes are closed. Her long brown lashes rest peacefully on her cheeks. Deciding to follow her lead, I try to relax. I close my eyes and follow her slow mouth movements.

All worries and thoughts of mine seem to melt away. What are the steps again? I don't remember?

We spend who knows how long kissing before Ellie starts to speed up. She places a small kiss on the corner of my lip before pulling away panting.

The loss of her lips leaves a pit of disappoints in my stomach. I ignore it and look up at her eyes.

An unfamiliar expression is sprawled on her face. Maybe realization?

" That was.." Ellie begins.

" Not bad. " I grin.

Ellie chuckles. " Yeah. Not bad. " Ellie shuts off the radio and turns on the small tv on her dresser. " What should we watch? "

_______

We never kissed again after that. Things remained the same. Ellie and I still hung out every Friday at her house to read comics and watch movies. We sat together at school with Dina and Jesse.

The only things that changed were my feelings. I started to develop a crush on Ellie, not that I could ever act on it. Ellie didn't like me back.

It wouldn't matter anyways. Ellie's sister Sarah ended up getting really sick, causing Ellie's family to move to another state to get better care for her. Somewhere along the line we stopped talking. Slowly, calls every day turned to calls once a week and eventually to once a year.

I get it. Life goes on. I'm in the past. Friendships die. Nothing lasts forever.

[jgabriel1920]

Hello! Love your work! Is it okay if you could write Blitzø smut and angst? He takes reader's virginity and tells them everything they wanna here to use them for something that they have then. Blitzø leaves them after getting what he wants because we all know he's scared of commitment reader can be any gener. Thank you, keep up the amazing work!! (Also I'm sorry if I've already asked this before)

𝚆𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚃𝚘 𝙼𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝙸𝚝 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐈 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞! 𝐒𝐨... 𝐈𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭. 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬.

𝐓𝐖: 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐥, 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞.

"the number you have dialed has not been recognized-"

"C'mon, answer." your voice shook as you paced around your living room, heart almost escaping your chest. You close your eyes, trying to make the tears not fall from your face.

It was obvious it wasn't meant to last, you knew, but why it was so little? Why does it keep happening, again and again with you? You just wanted a little affection and all you got was the damned phone screaming at your ear!

"she ain't coming back, shithead."

Oh, and the asshole too.

"Oh thank you mister obvious I didn't notice." It was supposed to come of condensing, but your voice cracked and spilled sorrow. You pinched your eyes, trying to get calmer.

"she ain't even all of that."

you glared at him, at the sofa with his hands on the back of his head and laying on it with the most lazy demeanor you saw.

"I called you to help me, not to say shit about her." You replied, crossing your arms.

"Well, I can't do one thing without the other, she was a bitch! Always demanding stuff, whining, and bitching about life. Seriously she was a broken record."

"Well for one this is HELL. I can't expect you to have any better." You held your head, a headache was already incoming. "Second I am supposed to give stuff, that's how it works."

"Really? Who the fucker that said that?"

"oh I don't know, the one who fucked my wife certainly was screaming it before I blew his head off!" An ugly snarl formed as you held yourself not to pounce on the little red gremlin, who didn't seem affected by the threatening face.

"Wow, you should try guys next time with your luck on women."

"I'm not gay, Blitzø" You took a deep breath as you went to sit on the sofa, staring curved to the ground. You heard Blitzø leave and come back, but you didn't pay much attention.

"Listen..."

"Hm?"

"It's fucked up okay, but it's not the end of the world."

"Don't you say it..."

He grabbed you by the shoulders, forcing you to stare at him. "yeah I fucking say! The amount of time I got dumped isn't written but guess what!? I'm alive and fucking well and you are too! Every time you go there to kill people in that shitty ball in space, you are a butcher or some kind of fucked up modern artist making your world your painting. Put your anger there, and let that bitch behind because she isn't worth it if she left the goddamn commando here for nothing."

"... That was... A shity speech..."

He looked at you with an annoyed glare. "Really?"

"yeah, that's how I know you are telling the truth." You chuckled, giving his shoulder a light punch. "Okay then, boss. What are we going to do to forget the... Bitch." The last words came forced but he seemed happy nonetheless.

"Well... Fucking getting drunk!" He holds the vodkas he brought earlier. "That's a good fucking idea, no?"

"Aren't we going to do something dumb because of it?" You raised your eyebrow.

"Nah, the max we can do is piss on someone but they probably fucking deserved it."

"All right then... I do if you promise to not say fuck again, you ruining that word."

"That's my boy! Let's fu- eh, frickin go!" He got up with a jump, putting the liquid in glasses. Probably not the right way to get over an ex but like he said, what was the worst they could do?

-

"F-Finaly you c-can't say it- Hic! Anymore can you~?" You looked down at your 'boss' as you forced him down your cock, your hands gripping the back of his head as he gagged and sputtered, pre-cum and saliva dripping from his mouth. His eyes see stars as tears fall down his face with the sweat. A strong musky smell came from him as he tried to breathe through his nose, only getting out a bobble of saliva.

That made you grin, this shithead finally being a good boy for once, was he good for anything else even? You didn't remember, you didn't want to and would beat someone who tried to do that.

Your hands went for his horns as you let him out of his cock, but just barely. Only when his lips were touching your pulsing crown you slammed back into his throat, grunting out as you repeated.

"F-fucking slut a-aren't you~? Hic! J-just trying to g-get FUCKED by my c-cock, hm~?" You didn't need him to answer, his mindless sucking of your cock that made his cheeks hollow out and his tongue gripping your cock in a spiral was enough of a answer.

"You want a g-gay s-stud~? I going to g-give you a f-fucking gay s-stud~!" Spit came out of your mouth with the yell, making the already fast pace more quick. You didn't care he needed to breathe, everyone was already dead! You didn't need to breathe, just get air so you could yell more.

"Gay Blitzø, g-gay Bli-Blitzø, gay- HICK~! BLitzø~!" The mantra continued as the bastard took your cock like a doll, especially with the way he lacked a gag reflex. He didn't have one, you thought, although you didn't remember what gag meant. Oh, who cares anyway.

What matters is your cock throbbing like crazy, pleading to cum in the bitch mouth.

"I'm- HICK~! Going to HICK~! M-mAkE yOu tAkE it AlL!" That was the 'warning' he got before you forced him down again, this time locking your legs in the back of his head. Feeling as he scratched your thighs, but it didn't hurt. It made red stuff out but no hurt done. Not when you moaned louder in your entire life- death- dead life

When all was done, you got out and watched as he failed spectacularly to drink all up, coughing up and letting more cum fall down his naked body.

You laughed like a maniac, holding your stomach. "D-Dumb- HICK~! GiRl~"

When he finished coughing at you he looked at you with a challenging glare, a bad shit crazy smile on his face. "I show you A GODDAMN GIRL!"

He pouched on top of you, forcing you to the ground as he gripped your neck and closed your air ventilation. The already hard thoughts were now even harder to comprehend, as he talked about something you didn't understand. "GEt... FOr... ULTimate..."

"Uh?" Was all you let out as your body jolted when something entered your ass. Hard.

A cry came out of you as you almost came again when your belly was full of something. It kept going in and out, gripping your insides so well. It hurt. Did it hurt? Maybe. Mist your whimpers and cries somewhere from pain and others from pleasure, which became more and more one-sided as your ass got slapped on.

"MY BITch... MY BITch... BITch..." You were gagging in no air as you felt your skin going cold. Not all, your ass burned like a volcano. Do you think Blitzø was... Fucking you? Yeah?

His hips slapping against your thighs, feeling your foot on your ear and something on your mouth. Some air came back, but now something wet and slippery rolled around your tongue. Another one? You had only one. Had you not?

God you didn't want to think, not when something nice was in your torso, not when you practically screamed but nothing came out, just more spit and cum down your chin.

Your eyes... You could see his eyes now. So frenetic. You wanted them bad. You needed them badly. All the time. Any time. You needed to be his... Bitch.

Oh fuck you came at that thought, you his little bitch slut, always getting fucked in this ass. His cum on you, you wanted it trapped if it always felt this hot. Hot. You wanted to be hot and bothered all the time.

You wanted...

-

Nothing.

You felt nothing but cold air. Lying down on the floor.

Your head throbbing, bile coming up. You went up, fell by the side, and got up, running to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet.

So much vomit, how much did you drink yesterday? Or today? What day was it?

You got up, to the sink, cleaning your face with cold water. Was all always so cold?

You tried to breathe, but something was wrong with your throat. Air wasn't airing per se. Somebody choked you? Only last week but the target was down before any further damage. So who-

Blitzø. His name came too fast as if you were stuck with it all day. His idea of getting drunk so he must know something.

And what happened... A dream, yeah a really strange dream. Only that, it couldn't be.

You gripping your hip, feeling a boner coming up, why?

Call, call first, and then questions.

Your phone was on the ground, with no cracks. You went to his number, calling it. It kept calling and going indefinitely, not finding it. Until a response came.

"the number you have dialed has not been recognized, try again later."