#that man is the most gender i have ever seen

[oneofstarkskids]

i told her

part 2 of 'i chose you'

part 1

pairings: bucky barnes x reader

genre: fluffyyy

summary: now that bucky knows about the baby, it's time to tell the people closest to you.

warning: ⚠️ pregnancy ⚠️

finding out you were having a mini barnes was both the most exciting and terrifying moment of your life.

you shouldn't have expected it to be any easier when it came to telling your friends.

the first person you told was natasha, of course. it had been a week since you found out and despite the doubts you'd been searching for in your husband's mind, bucky seemed genuinely happy.

it probably should've been something you discussed together, but he was out with sam and you were at the apartment alone watching movies.

your phone rang and you saw natasha's name pop up on the screen for what seemed like the fiftieth time this week.

you chewed your lip nervously as you contemplated picking it up.

"nat?" you finally answered. "what's with you lately? i've been trying to get a hold of you for days," she said suspiciously.

"oh. i've just been um... busy," you lied. she was unconvinced. "honey, you're an ex shield agent that got married to a hundred year old man. taking naps in the middle of the day is not busy."

you sighed. there was no use trying to lie to a trained assassin.

"fine. i'm..." your nerves stopped you for just a moment.

"i'm pregnant," you said out loud for only the second time.

it was completely silent for a moment too long and you began to worry.

"i'm coming over," natasha said ominously.

you tried to argue with her, but it was no use, "nat, no-"

"yes! i just found out i'm going to have a little niece or nephew. i'm coming over," she repeated.

your eyes teared up and your heart warmed at nat's implication. you always had seen her as a sister. since your very first heart to heart.

you knew that you'd always be there for her. what you hadn't expected, was that she would be just as supportive of you. other than bucky, nobody ever was.

but natasha...you could always count on her to make you smile.

and less than an hour later, there she was.

sipping a hot cup of tea on the couch with you as she asked you if you were afraid or excited.

"both," you replied with an anxious smile.

she nodded, "that makes sense. just know, that you don't have to go through any of it alone."

moments later bucky walks through the door, sam trailing closely behind.

"hey, doll. i'm home," he says before noticing natasha. immediately, he knows something is up. bucky can tell by the way the energy in the room feels a bit heavier.

"what's wrong?" he asks, brows furrowed.

you purse your lips, "i told her."

you give him an apologetic expression. the two of you had agreed to tell your friends together, but nat had been so persistent. bucky understood completely.

he gave you the sweetest smile and walked over to place a kiss on your forehead.

sam waved his hands around, "i feel like i'm missing something."

bucky looked to you for the 'go ahead'.

of course, you nodded with excitement.

"we're having a kid," he said with a glimmer in his eyes.

sam's eyebrows raised in surprise and you could tell he wasn't expecting that.

"you know, sam is a pretty gender neutral name," he eventually offered oh-so casually.

bucky rolled his eyes and you just giggled.

"how are we going to explain this one to, cap?" sam asked.

you frowned, not understanding the question.

"like are we going with the stork metaphor or...?" he continued. nat put her hand up to her mouth as she suppressed her laughter.

bucky waved him away lovingly, "get out of my house."

sam shrugged, "i'm just saying. we can't have him knowing that you two...fondue."

tag list: @moviegurl2002 @hisredheadedgoddess28

lmk if you want to be added! <3

[smiley-positivity-potato]

before i transitioned i remember people would say sometimes i behaved like a boy. i could tell they meant to say it in a way that they thought would discourage my boyish behavior; while encouraging my "improvement" with my journey into womanhood- but it had the opposite effect.

i remember the days i didn't get to choose the clothes i wanted to wear as a girl because of a "man's glance"; yet i couldn't tell them about my own want to cover myself so NO ONE could glance at me. no one but MYSELF. for the only boy's glance i really understood was my own.

i remember the jealousy and envy i would feel for the boys in my class after the janitor would bring them back during Math. They had just helped as volunteers to carry some boxes to the dumpster. and i had raised my hand; but i wasn't allowed to help. because even though the janitor enjoyed me as a model student, i was still just a "girl". and even with us all being the same size, we weren't labelled the same. even in elementary.

i remember trying to hang out with the boys in my highschool after realizing most of the girls didn't like me in elementary. i stood out and didn't want to be in a clique back then, so i decided to try something different. i didn't want to do makeup, dances or play much with dolls as a child. i just wasn't interested. and even in my teens, i still didn't enjoy it all very much. i didn't like most boys and girls back then. i just was going through so much. and being autistic made it harder to understand how to fit in with everyone when i didn't feel like them. so i didn't truly have friends of all genders until middle school and high school.

but even as i hung out with the boys, i still was seen as a "girl". i was small, with a high voice and a lot of energy. i had an undercut, baggy clothes and a lazy way of dressing but the days i would wear a tight shirt everyone would become different. and i didn't know until it was over. i was petite and very short. my tiny stature made people think i was just a delicate girl but luckily i had a loud and aggressive personality. but i later learned, boys AND girls started to like me because i seemed like an "aggressive girl".

i realized in my adulthood, when i look back, that i still stood out, no matter what I did. and i realize the boys i hung out with held back conversations most boys usually had. because i was still different; even though i liked girls, and didn't dress like them, unless forced. i didn't dress like a girl unless i had to for my parents and for safety. and even though i was experimenting with my gender at the time, people just thought of me as a "girl" no matter what. and i couldn't hide it.

i realize the girls accepted me once i started looking attractive and stylish to them- due to my mother's attempts at making me look like a "girl" and my own individuality. it was rare i actually found true friends. except for two people in my life from school, no one lasted. and it was confusing to try to learn how to be a "girl" when I was not. i was a non-binary transmasc man. i am a trans man.

and all my life, my family and people around me viewed me as a "girl" and tried to take the "boy" outta me. but they failed. and they always will. but back then, their glances would make me so anxious that i would eventually just stare down at my feet in public. the forced feminization that i had to endure, was suffocating. and i wondered to myself would i ever be happy. but finally, FINALLY, one day i was able to say i am a man and i started living my life. and i can see that them forcing their version of womanhood on me just guided me to my true path. they didn't discourage me from being a man.

they just helped me realize, i was MY biggest hero and that i needed to encourage MYSELF TO BE STRONG. for i made it through years and years of discouragement, transphobia and misogyny alone. and if i can prove them WRONG, i as a man, can be happy with that alone.

[tethered-heartstrings]

all the gay and trans people watching hannibal nbc and being very normal about it

[bumblingbabooshka]

Stonn x T'Pring and Sybok x Angel are the only SNW ships I like. Honestly, with the way the show is written, I'm rooting more for the Gorn than the Enterprise at this point.

With how that show's writing Vulcans I'm like 70% sure they're gonna make Stonn a bad guy or make T'Pring cheat on Spock so their relationship ends with "They both cheated!" or so that Christine can comfort Spock as if he hasn't been cheating on T'Pring pretty much the entire time he's been on screen. I watched a 'short trek' I think they're called? Because I heard T'Pring was in it but it was REAAALLY bad like humor I might have laughed at in middle school...anyway T'Pring was only in it so they could make a joke where the premise was "T'Pring keeps breaking up with Spock because she falls in love with other people and Spock is SOO sad about it" and I was like Hey. Are you even WATCHING your show???? You're taking potshots at the WRONG CHARACTER. Like, even if you wanna make that joke - Christine'd make more sense because Christine and Spock ARE actually 'keeping it casual' and Christine DOES actually date around whereas T'Pring is committed to Spock in SNW and trying at every turn to make their relationship work. It still wouldn't be funny if the girl constantly breaking up with Spock was Christine but having it be T'Pring literally doesn't even make sense. You can say "it's just a funny little joke" (as people say about a lot of SNW'S issues) but T'Pring is a female character who's been viciously maligned for YEARS and if their 'jokes' or 'comedy' come at the expense of their characters or the message of ultimate togetherness and hope in the galaxy then I don't find it funny. SNW isn't supposed to be a comedy I don't know why they keep trying to be 'funny' at the price of being earnest. This isn't a marvel movie. The pro-eugenics trial, killing the disabled character, killing the chronically ill character (and framing this as a beautiful relief), 'being disabled is worse than death' messaging, turning the Gorn into horror movie killer monsters (especially when they could have just made up another species), the bioessentialism, constantly maligning Vulcans as racist bullies (with Spock's half Human blood saving him) <- Which I hate ESPECIALLY when Spock has always been a symbol for mixed people in which he struggled equally with feeling belonging in BOTH cultures whereas in SNW it feels like "If he could only be released from Vulcan's evil clutches he could be happy!" + The laziness of cheating being a plot point in so many main characters' romance stories so far. [La'an wants to be with Kirk but that'd be cheating, Spock is cheating on T'Pring with Christine, Pike sleeps with another woman in 'Lift Us Where Suffering' despite having a girlfriend <- They COULD be open but I don't think this is explained. That's Five or Six characters involved in potential cheating and more if you count M'Benga wink-nudging Spock and Christine's relationship when he most likely knows Spock is engaged to T'Pring.] I just have no faith in SNW. It doesn't feel earnest, and it doesn't feel kind and I don't want to watch a show where they'll sacrifice someone's character at any time for an ultimately meanspirited joke.

[buttercup-barf]

Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.

Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.

That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.

The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.

Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.

Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.

[bigothteddies]

oh my god re: your recent post... the 'girl dinner' shit. omfg. idc if it's 'not that deep' you're still reinforcing terrible shit!!! and also the like 'boys when they see a stick/cool rock' and 'girls when they time travel vs boys when they time travel' wojaks. the gender-fication of barbie vs. oppenheimer. why the fuck is the recent internet zeitgeist hyper stereotypical cisnormativity. like. i thought we had collectively outgrown this.

exactly. And that’s all just some parts of it too. People pretend they’re so on top of things but it’s just because they don’t want to seem out of touch and offensive. It’s wild watching people barf out gender binaries with new terms and new ways to categorize trans people as not their gender and new ways to reinforce the same gender roles on ourselves but in “good” ways now. It’s just….really frustrating and pretty terrifying at the same time

[jtownraindancer]

Sergeant Detective William "Bill" Blore and The Audacity of These People

[trans-estinien]

i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.

[sproutbell]

gonna get high and listen to pet shop boys and try to draw men later. big wednesday plans for me personally. i also have to go to the post office but the bigger more important more formative and fruitful plans are the former.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic 

[trans-cuchulainn]

having complex feelings about gender stuff recently but i don't really know how to put it into words. some of it is about the self-erasure that becomes necessary when you try and talk about medical misogyny you've experienced as someone who isn't a woman but who is perceived by the world as one. some of it is about no longer feeling connected to female-centred stories of a kind you used to enjoy as a teenager because they always feel alienating but also not liking your own emotions about that because you should be able to enjoy stories that weren't written for you, it's just that they don't feel like stories that even allow space for you to exist in. but shouldn't men be able to enjoy women's stories too? but you're not a man. but you're not a woman. but the stories are about and for people who look like you but you're not one of them. but you would have been them if you lived in those worlds because nobody would have seen a difference, and that's viscerally uncomfortable, and impossible to enjoy--

and some of it is about looking for stories you could exist in and only finding stories that are profoundly unrelatable because they're only ever about characters who knew they were trans since puberty and had access to transition care in their teens and you didn't figure it out until adulthood and also that's not legally available in your country so that would never have been on the cards in the first place. or people who figured it out in adulthood but they're so certain and they're so ready to take risks and they'll change the world for a chance to become themselves because they know what they're aiming for. some of it is not being sure what you want but knowing you'll always have to be certain about it enough to fight for it because you're not going to get it any other way. some of it is not wanting to be an activist, not wanting to agitate, not wanting to have to resist every goddamn second bc you're just trying to exist in the world, but the only way anyone will ever give you a modicum of what you need is if you put all your energy into the struggle for it--

some of it is about feeling an ongoing tether to the experience of being a woman in a bad way but no tether to the experience in a good way and there's a weird kind of mourning in that, and a self denial, and an inability to reconcile your own contradictions in a way that feels comfortable. some of it is about feeling pressure to experience gender differently and to opt in to something else if you're going to opt out of what you were given but you don't want to do that either. and a lot of it is constantly self-policing your own emotions and thoughts and being convinced you're doing it all wrong somehow because you see other people being so free with their genderfuck, so unencumbered by expectations, so easily able to get it right for themselves and other people, and you're still misgendering yourself half the time in your mind because you don't even know what the right words would be at this point when you still have scars shaped like being a girl even though you're not a girl and you can't talk about them without doing yourself another piece of damage

like. i am who i am because i was thought a girl and maybe because i thought i was a girl and maybe i still don't understand why i'm not a girl but in my not-girlness i no longer feel i have any access to any kind of womanhood that doesn't hurt but i don't want to police myself out of femininity just because it isn't all that i am anymore

[skrunksthatwunk]

still thinking about how one of my first yyh meta posts got reblogged onto an sjw cringe comp blog in the year of our woke 2022. truly tumblr dot com, the last bastion of progressivism, has fallen (<- sarcasm) and also i'm kinda baffled that they didn't choose like. me putting yusuke in a skirt or something

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

i hate that i made it my whole thing that im so Not romantically jealous and that im always 100% cool and chill with all that comes w being polyam bc im having a hard time w my gfs newest relationship and i cant say anything about it

[f4y3w00d5]

This case is making me so fucking angry. theyre using common transphobic language, and also theyre not even HIDING their BLATANT FUCKING TRANSPHOBIA-

Wanna see the poster that made me aware of this current bullshit going on?

The second paragraph. 'Roxy Tickle is a man that wants to be a woman.' Okay, well a simple google search says shes transgender. Going a bit more in depth? She has done Three years of hormone therapy and gender reaffirmation surgery. Like this isnt a transgender woman who has done nothing to change her identity, she's got surgery and 3 years of hormone therapy! And looking more into it? She has said;

"I am now legally a woman.

“I am already allowed to have a female gendered passport thanks to the letter from my GP confirming that they are treating me.

“I only have one step left - to update my birth certificate to say that I’m female.

“I needed two medical specialists saying they have seen my genitals and they both needed to sign a form in the presence of a JP.

"These are the most extreme levels of identity proof I’ve ever come across – to have to show your genitals to an MD is embarrassing to prove who you are. The documentation has all now been completed and I will mail it this weekend."

That was all 4 years ago. 7 years of this shit now. (as of today, april 11th, 2024)

And the poster still refers to her as a he?

And thats the picture they use. Now heres a better one.

That was deliberate. They used an unflattering photo of her, and a very flattering one of Sall, just to try and tip people to Salls side. Common marketing ploy.

More research shows that she now has her birth certificate identifying her as female.

And this isnt enough?

By her logic, shouldnt a trans man be allowed on giggle, no matter how far through transitioning they are, purely because they were born female? I get the feeling that she would say no. This is simply blatant transphobia. Personally, I cant do anything, being a minor. I'm not sure how far this case is along, seeing as it started 2 days ago.

But I simply cant let this slide. When I saw it this afternoon it made me so fucking angry.

This case could change a lot of things. Make a lot of changes that make everything far worse for non cis gendered people, potentially influencing things world wide

[gor3sigil]

Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.

I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.

Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.

I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.

5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.

I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.

I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.

I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.

I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.

I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.

But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.

I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.

It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.

Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.

You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.

Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.

Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.

[itsbenedict]

mutual 1: conventional morality is nowhere near cringe enough to be based. you agree.

mutual 2: i'm going to liveblog my attempt at solving this obscure statistics conundrum you've definitely never heard of

mutual 3, reblogging mutual 2: oh, yeah, the Obscure Statistics Conundrum, we've all seen it. i have strong opinions on the obvious easy and simple way it should be solved, somehow

mutual 4: i need. to fuck that old man.

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 6: [twenty-post long reblog chain arguing about politics with a stranger in stubborn defiance of the obvious fact that the stranger is not reading a single word they're saying]

mutual 7: here's my take on the latest chapter of the current Wildbow serial that you're going to have to blur your eyes and skip past because you haven't found time to read all five million words of this cool thing you don't want to be spoiled on

mutual 8: what if [the most deranged shit you've ever heard in your life]- and we were both girls?

mutual 4: don't forget i need to fuck that. old man. please.

mutual 9: [automatically generated link to a post on some ideologically extreme underground social media site with ten users that they use instead]

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 5: god every single thing about my life situation sucks so fucking much i want to cry and now you do too

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 10: reblogging that last picture of a bird

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 4: that old man. you know. what i need.

mutual 11: here's today's doodle :) [outlandishly beautiful piece of original art which gets seven notes]

mutual 12: only posted eighteen spicy takes about gender today, so here's a new one i just came up with. is this anything

mutual 13: hey, wanna look at this pornography that somehow hasn't gotten taken down by Tumblr yet?

mutual 14: [a pun so bad she gets put in the fucking Hague]

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 5: picture of a bird

mutual 15: [21st reblog on the politics reblog chain where everyone is talking past each other and has zero intention of persuading anyone]

mutual 4: i need to FUCK that old man. what do you mean he's dead

mutual 8: what if i fucked that old man. and we were both girls.