#that like im trying to sleep for work tomorrow
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Also the fact that Koga cherishes & takes highly great care of the guitar Rei told him to keep?? Like it wasn't QUITE a gift, nor like a proper "I'm passing this down to you" sort of deal, but that didn't matter to Koga. It was something that mattered so significantly to him.
#i dont wanna seem annoying but#thoughts are running so quickly in my head#that like im trying to sleep for work tomorrow#&& i cannot fall asleep bc of it#im just so stuck on reikoga so help me today#i try so hard to not like post too much that#leans so heavily to one ship in particular#when talking about my muses#but undead && rei in particular has such a big impact on koga#he could've continued down the path of being a rocker in a band#but instead he chose to leave that behind & become an idol#all bc he wanted to stand on stage with rei#he just wanted so badly to be up there with him#&& even when rei was no longer that same rebel ??#koga kept wanting to stand beside him up on that stage#he pulled rei back in && even during the repayment festival#like ultimately it was too hard for rei to disband undead && leave koga with nothing#but an empty husk of undead#platonic or romantic but ya know i'm a sucker for romance#i could ramble on about nightless city too but i'll stop#i've rambled enough in the tags as is#sorry if me going on about it all gets annoying#i am literally a broken record when it comes to this#( the lone wolf ) musing
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terrible influence is the most accurate show name ever bc why was i cooking dinner and seriously considering if i would be able to get to the oslo show tomorrow and then back home the same day
#i have to be honest.. if i wasnt working at the asscrack of dawn on tuesday i probably would go#/had realized i would go insane and would have at least tried to switch shifts with someone on tuesday#but it’s too late and working a 6 hour shift on no sleep doesnt sound good#because. listen. there is a bus that could take me back tomorrow night 😭#im starting to try and justify it OH NO but like i couldddd sleep for almost 4 hours on the bus probably#this is so bad#nebulae.speaks#dan howell#phil lester#dan and phil#phan#tit tour#terrible influence tour
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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To my commissioners, I'm currently pretty sick and bedridden but I'll get back on my work soon! Sorry if there is any delay..
#I'll try to get to work tomorrow#but im having difficulty even standing up for a lohg period of time#so i sleep most of the time and i keep getting like 14 hours straight of sleep#and cant look at a screen#BUT#im getting better i think
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semester is almost over. im dying
#my oc#rune#mori#i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing#even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED#i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately#trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day#and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom#a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere#and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man#i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH#but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week#this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail#and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont#i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i#how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project#my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that#so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work#because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it#but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO#anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again
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i should be asleep but now the jayroytim brainrot is infecting meeeeeeee
#i did take sleeping pills like 30ish minutes ago#so i might still be able to conk out if im rly good and close my phone now#and force myself not to open it back up#but hhhnnnnnnnggggghhhhh#jayroytim#im gonna do my best 😤 bc i have work tomorrow i do need to try for sleep#melodys words
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...
#man. imagine a world where i had a non academic job. imagine i didnt have homework#imagine i just didnt do homework and i just laid down on the floor and decomposed#making my fucking mood stablizers work for it#im so tried and i dont wanna read. i just wanna sleep forever ugh#im now accomodated to have extra time on exams tho. not gonna use it but ya kno cool#ugh. y am i so tired i got like 8.5hrs sleep last night. why am i like this?#and i have to meet my advisor tomorrow like: have i made progress? nope im just trying not to drown#also i have a cavity and have to get oral surgery in thr next 6 months bc ive got a bby tooth thats starting to reabsorb#so i gotta get an implant tooth to replace it. how tf am i gonna do that? whos gonna watch me?#maybe ill wait for my parents to come out here on vacation#ugh. i need to fucking focus#unrelated
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03.10.2024
Today, Romano went grocery shopping to get his favorite food, pasta!
arab.com link
#today's romano#hetalia#aph romano#hws romano#03.10.2024#my SO is going camping for a week starting tomorrow#(im not a huge fan of tent and sleeping bag camping)#and I'm staying home all week#I'm actually taking spring break(mostly) off work/ grad school#so i need to plan what I'll eat will SO is gone#he doesn't like fish#so I'll do fish#and i was thinking paprika chicken#which i learned about from Dracula last year and absolution fell in love with#but i need another meal or two and I'm unsure what#if y'all have a favorite let me know#I'm here to try and cook some interesting and maybe new things
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I should be writing my thesis but Im feeling so lazy
#personal#i managed to get some sleep so thats good#but it still feels like yesterday's super hot super humid weather seeped any and All possible energy out of me#and I can barely think straight today#its cooler today at least#but its also raining outside so the humidity and grayness is also not doing me favors#so Im thinking#maybe I should just take this day for myself#I do have to do some cooking#for dinner and to prep the tofu so it doesn’t go bad#I have a recipe I wanna try and tbh whenever I do a lot of 'brain work' before in the day I have zero energy to cook#so this might be a good day try making a new thing#spend some time playing cyberpunk and stocking up on some good feels#I plan to go to the grocery store too (in the rain ughh) to grab smth sweet for my dad for tomorrow#cause I forgot to buy it yesterday when I was in town#oh and then there's the game in the afternoon!#our boy's playing in the vnl and its always nice to watch them play with the fam#so yeah#maybe today is for charging the batteries#and then tomorrow Im gonna push to write as much as I can in one day#hopefully this plan will work and not backfire on me 🙈🙈
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I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...
#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like....#like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot#but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself#i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete...#... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams...#I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it#people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to...#the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want...#i want...#my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording#since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio#its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh...#tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up#we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing...#... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me?#i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for#so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it...#once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy#i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep#seari talks
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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Vent ignore
#been trying to sleep for like 30 minutes#and my head hurts from being tired and crying#gods I'm such a little bitch#i make one little ittty bitty fuck up and my brain goes lol#see you can't get better#like dude i have to wake up at 5am can i cry anout this sfter work tomorrow instead.#you can kys after the captialism grind okay?#im head fucking hurts#it is weird when you have abandonement issues#and are constantly scared of veing abandoned#and then you fuck uo just the right way and your brain goes full opposite gears??#like#nah it's better that they leave you#they are better off with you#theyre safer when they're not with you#motherfucker pick a crisis#you can not have a problem with both!!#🙄🙄#sometimes i am like if i got a labatomy i would be a better#bit really thr problem is of i make one mistake my brain goes back to#if im not oerfect i will be left to die#which is valid and deserved and understandable#please i just wanted to sleep#stop throwing yourself a pity party#grow up or shut down#i should not share my emotions#lol#i have learned that whrn i talk to myself i am mean#but i still think that's better than being a prick to others#going to try to sleep now that that's out there
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Bro they changed the end of tomorrows shift to 2:30 to 5:00 tomorrow even after I double checked with my boss to make sure they wouldn't change it because I made appointments for that day
#its almost midnight so its too late to message about it#so ill have to try and remember tomorrow morning on my way to work#whatever i am leaving at 2:30 tomorrow because i literally planned multiple appointments around that#but now im going to struggle to sleep cause of the stress and stuff like this always gives me work nightmare#im pissed
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Had an amazing week of perfect sleep and right when I started to believe I was back to normal and everything was getting better the insomnia came back in full force, yay !
#im rly rly trying to be positive here but i have nothing good to say bc im legit devastated lol#havent slept in 3 days now :((#sleeping pills dont work for me but tomorrow im going to the pharmacy anyway as a last resort#wait they have like weed shops here. does that help with sleep? i dont smoke but at this point id try anything bc i wanna kms lmaooo#diary entries
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someone remind me to work on a silly sketch tomorrow bc i completely forgot about it today
#i said in call i would do it and then i just forgot lol#(im joking but if someone else happens to remember i made this post maybe i'll remember too-)#i might not even finish the sketch but i wanna try#honestly might move it over to flipnotes of all things i havent used it in a while :0#chat#bed time for me i gotta try to go to bed i have a doctor appointment tomorrow#goat getting medicated real not clickbait#when the. sleeping disorder#i dont actually know EXACTLY what's wrong but either way im gonna be prescribed. something!#idk what yet#kinda nervous like what if i dont do well with it and im falling asleep at work or something
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Second day of running off of coffee and spite only
#this week of camp is always the busiest. i have something that goes late into the night every night#im exhausted and want to spend time with friends and other people#especially because this is my last year. but its fine!#theyre good and important things that i love im just tired#tonight im telling the pegend of our camp's beginnings#i used to tell it and then passed it on to someone#but since this is my last year he asked if i want to do it one last time#and i really fucking do. so ive been practicing and im excited but its also bittersweet and kinda difficult#idk. the woman that passed it on to me was super important to me but is now no longer in my life#so im feeling some weird things about that#also tomorrow is Christmas in July (a secret santa we do with staff) and im so fucking excited#x in j is my favorite holiday ever in the world#and i have a good friend of mine. i just hope the person that has me actually cares#its my last year at camp and i just really want a nice x in j as my last#im so tired i resorted to the black coffee in the dining hall. i drank it so fast#i wiuld love to go to sleep but after i tell the legend tonight i have to work on x inj#and i love to procrastinate so i cant work on it until my gf comes back to camp with the materials that i need#(im just gonna vent now. even though thats all ive been doing)#its my last year and im so burnt out but i love it here so its hard#and everyone keeps trying to convince me to come back next year. its hard. its not easy. im tired and want to go home#but i also want to be here and i want to be enjoying myself here and i wish i ciuld come back forever#but also coming back forever sounds like hell#im just tired and wanted to yap idk goodbye
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