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#that it wasnt enough to just love my friends
arsenicflame · 4 months
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"love is love" but its the fact that the love i feel for my friends is not inferior to other peoples romantic love
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blazeturbo102 · 1 year
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Oh, I was wrong, my parents still think Crowley and Aziraphale are just buddies🙃(they've just started S2)
I'm literally dying to see them get to the last episode, I'll just be there watching their reactions like
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pinnithin · 1 year
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enver gortash fascinates me from the perspective of his relationship with the dark urge because like, as far as i know his alliance with them is one of the very few he didn’t actively despise. the guy was sold into slavery by his own parents (who tried to justify it by saying their child was a hateful monster and anyone would have done the same) and spent his formative years employed by a devil who gets off on gratuitous levels of suffering and manipulation. and then once he's escaped that and built himself up so he can never be used and enslaved again he meets this bhaalspawn who also had to adapt and survive a violent and manipulative environment for years by becoming the monsters who raised them.
gortash sees how the dark urge has risen to command armies and slaughter hundreds in the same way he outfoxed raphael and ruthlessly controls the people in his employ, and after earning and owning his reputation as a tyrant heres another person who might actually have like, a shared lived experience. not exactly a friend, because people like them can't afford to have friends, but someone who at least understands. and he willingly works with them on this plan to enslave the sword coast and agrees to share power with them.
and then orin lobotomizes them, puts a tadpole in their head, and leaves them for dead at moonrise.
like, can you imagine. youre working with the first person you see eye to eye with and prooooobably arent plotting to actively sabotage (or, at least would hesitate to do so) and the rug just gets yanked out from under them by their own sister, and now you're stuck with her because the plan still has to move along. and as the days go by a group of adventurers start to screw up your plot right when baldur's gate is within your grasp, and you learn that among them is your old almost-friend who you actually liked and respected - and they have no memory of you whatsoever. oh, and on top of that they're rolling with people you've actively fucked over and want to kick your ass.
did it hurt for him to learn this? did he ever think about how things could have been different? did he think, you were supposed to be my ally, my friend, someone who actually understands that becoming a monster is the only way to keep yourself safe and in control. we were going to rule together. and now you're ride or die with this squad of people you've only known for a few weeks at best, and you want me dead. you don't even remember me. you don't even remember yourself.
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hajihiko · 2 years
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every time I come across Content that isnt my own I get the thoughts and thinks. Too tired to do anything about it except this ig
#Coming to terms with the fact that I can share shitty dumb doodles and tag them even and it's not a crime#I'm not quite Ants In My Brain levels but the brains are scattered rn.#Anyway I love a relationship that is unlabeled and unknowable but gosh damn it is sincere and devoted#I was thinking of that 19 days bit. 'you're the strongest most badass little mo' or sth#ANYWAY! Not confident enough to tag this w my art tag so#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu#Hajime hinata#Kuzuhina#Attempting to go full ramble in the tags after the actual posting bc I just got shit to say I guess#Not valuable shit but shit nonetheless#They're good for each other they build each other up. Fuyuhiko was putting so much faith in Hajime from the get-go#Hajime is like dont give me too much credit no I dont wanna think about my talents. And Hiko is like nah man you're great (in his own way)#And Hajime encourages so much growth in Hiko which is WHY I think Hiko is so passionate in his loyalty#Hajime makes Fuyuhiko smile and laugh and reflect on his behaviour and talk about his experiences#They laugh TOGETHER in the middle of the killing game which is v sweet#Fuyuhiko is DESPERATE to prove that he's changed and that he wants to do good now and Hajime is just like 'okay you got it'#Like thassit. And then when they find out Hajime wasnt a talent student Fuyuhiko is like 'oh ok'#They accept each other very readily and they trust each other so much and idk maybe my brain is broken but#I FEEL like I feel a sincerity in their friendship#Like it's for life man they're already making plans for the future when they're friends (hiko especially)#Yeah I guess I'll save these tags. Idk I'm a little Ill of the Brain rn
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camzverse · 3 months
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Nooo cam u dont want to analyze the psychology behind mikes actions in the bite of 83 even though scott didnt put anywhere near your amount of thought into it noo dont do that. freak
#(guy who loves psychoanalyzing people voice) Yeah idk i just think that theres a difference in severity of mikes bullying of cc#compared to when his friends were around and considering mikes age and the impulse in teenagers to impress others you want to like you#(ie your friends) its likely he decided to do the thing he knew would upset cc the most bc he was focused on making sure his brother is the#most afraid possible so he and his friends can get a laugh and enjoy themselves and Fuck Thinking About Consequences We're Like 15 Bro#compared to when youre alone and have no one to impress / to egg you on / indulge your negative behaviors so he may not go as far as#actively putting him in a dangerous situation because without anyone around you to influence you youre more likely to think before you act#(to some extent) which is why prior to shoving his head in fbs mouth he only ever just jumpscared him and locked him in a room which wasnt#actively dangerous iirc. i dont think i have any more to say Does that make sense#if this is incoherent just know its getting late dont question me i may or may not be eepy depending on if this makes sense or not#anyway !! this is also NOT to say that michael wasnt to blame OR that he was peer pressured into doing it#im just saying that i dont think it would have happened if he was alone. for these reasons. thank you gn this has been my tedtalk.#and if you read all the way to the end then id like to say: what are you doing with your life /lh#am i putting too much thought into it? Yeah this is fnaf. of course. i doubt it was thought out much. but thats what i doooooo#they call me the thinker guy the way i. think. ok thats enough talking for today cameron#cam.txt#oh and if this is like. obvious. i guess. then shhhh i said nothinggg. perdóname. no oísteis nada
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drakkonyan · 3 months
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Reminder that hating humans is not an alternative to loving nature. You add nothing by saying you wish human kind went extinct. You add nothing by saying humans are irredimable monsters. You are helping no harmed animal nor plant nor fungi nor microorganism by shitting on humans and, as a nature lover, you are my least favorite kind of "nature lover" because you don't like nature, you hate humans
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grahamcarmen · 4 months
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i kinda wished gray was angry at carmen instead of relieved just for yknow angst and stuff like at the jail when he was like "how did u know i was here" and shes like "all in good time gray" i wish he was like "its graham. whos gray?" cuz lol yea idk if this makes sense i suck at typing
Alright i might go off on a tangent so like feel free to clarify if its too far off base from intent
But i am personally actually ok with the angst on Gray’s side being saved for later, there are so many angsty moments already stuffed in there
->the fight being draining and difficult and ultimately a failure to keep them off him
->the parallel to gray disappearing from sight because of the cleaners
-> gray still getting pain pang and helping carmen where he can
->carmen desperately trying as many keys as she can when the robot finally comes
->carmen screaming for gray after he screamed for her
Like…phew thats alot happening and i think that it would get lost in the fray
Side note:
-> him taking the info that ACME finds carmen shady and she decided to work with him and actually wondering who gray is especially because she came to find him…hmm fun
-> gray watching all those civilian gets mistaken as spy movies and going ahhhh.ha.
BUT on the sentiment of gray being angry and not just relieved.
He does start to say it’s graham before he’s interrupted. And he has always been exasperatedly trying to put it aside to try and just be with her in the moment
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Like…askjdnfdaksjf look at this face
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Relief is not the only emotion here
And it does come to its breakpoint
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because well  [the point is she’s lying to him.- bugs life voice]
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And what a breakpoint it is because Carmen is not allowed to pretend that the person in front of her doesn’t have a thing to say about who she was protecting* 
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So its not angst denied but angst delayed if that makes sense and the himalaya caper puts it into more focus than the jail could
Like  “alas why did he not simply look into her yearny eyes and make a decent life choice for once” aside [which is so fun to say]...
but the thing is …it's something that i do think gray gets to be mad about at that moment [not that he isn’t making a terrible life choice on the side but-]
…she lied to him by omission and flat out. And only came to rescue a fake version of him as far as he’s concerned. A fake version it seems she was pretending even further with by calling him gray and not graham.
….
GAH THIS IS WHY I DON’T GET WHY YOU GUYS THINK BLANKET LETTING CARMEN HAVE ZERO REVISIONS ON HOW SHE SEES HIM IS OK
And no just enemy who !had his chance at the cotillion you! doesn’t work as the final verdict either >:0
 [you're making the carmen sad and that has literally never worked plus carmen is just wrong for this on some level]
They’re so messy dude…like there’s so much to unravel and him being firm but straightforward about it is at least picks at this issue good enough for the moment…oof…was a lot like …oogh
But necessary. Gray is a person who actually has a reaction to this ya know [or character i mean- same thing].
His anger tends to be overshadowed by a lot else is all…[T.T multiple mistakes in a row babeyyyyyyyyyy] + his own prioritizing when it comes to his own emotions
And to make matters worse….OMFG THEY STILL LIKE EACH OTHER THEY’RE STILL SO MUCH MORE SAD INSTEAD OF MAD ABOUT IT ALL AND WANT TO BE TOGETHER AND ALL THE LIES BEING UNVEILED JUST MAKES THE TRUTH MUCH MORE NECESSARY AND IMPORTANT OMGGGGGGG GRRAH WHY ARE YOU 2 BEING SQUISHY CRIMES HAVE BEEN COMMITED!
They just need to tone down the nonsense…be even more honest with each other …they be wild out here…ya’ll can do it with time i believe in ye, even if that will mean more tough conversations with each other, i think they like each other enough
But yes. Him mad at it DOES make good angst. ..and tbh not even for just that moment…because …
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leverage-ot3 · 2 years
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eliot and the security team union was so fucking cute also I’d die for all of them
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scalpelsister · 4 months
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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whywoulditho · 2 years
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kagiura akira is SO asexual coded i'm losing my mind
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cryptidmomochi · 4 months
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did you know?
the insistence by commentary creators on treating children the same way as adults has caused ridiculous amounts of harm.
over and over i would see drama about various artists, and so many of them were just kids. some of them were younger than me, but i didnt know that. i thought they were all much older than me, because that's how they were treated.
"oh this person was a groomer" they were a child. if a child is exhibiting groomer-like tendencies, they don't just get that out of nowhere.
"oh this person pretended to have mental illness or s/h for attention" that is not a thing that normal people do. you look stupid when you say that. just because someone is doing something "for attention" doesn't mean nothing's actually wrong.
"this kid was racist" im from an extremely white, quite cishet, and very able-bodied town (or, at the very least, the town is inaccessible enough that you just don't see that many disabled people, who knows). sometimes you learn bigoted rhetoric, then have to unlearn it. sometimes you say stupid shit because other people around you say that exact stupid shit. kids in particular do not always know better. just because theyre 16 doesn't mean they're exempt from being stupid.
like.
can we stop hatemobbing fucking children. i have at least lingered online for almost 10 years. kids are one of the most likely groups to get harassed, often by adults. im glad i never developed a sizeable following before i turned 18. i wouldnt have been able to handle it either.
but im just shouting to the void, really. commentary creators dont fucking learn. they just hop onto the next bandwagon and ignore it.
do you ever wonder why so many commentary types keep getting into trouble? hopeless peaches, creepshow, daftpina, turkey tom, omnia, prison mate luke, im sure i could think of more given the time and given a little bit more research to track down some old creators i used to watch. good people don't go online and talk about kids like they should be killed. the art commentary community as a whole is rife with toxicity, seemingly always searching for small prey nobody's heard of. I remember a very long time ago there was a "drama" because an artist on deviantart didn't want their art being favourited (they misunderstood what it did) and that was a big enough deal to start making videos about. playlists upon playlists preying on kids being stupid.
if not kids, then any other vulnerable group will do just fine, too. if you remember the "tumblr art style", youll know it had a few main "characteristics"; ambiguous race, hairy legs, character depictions that weren't conventionally attractive, bandaids, s/h scars, drawing the characters with different body types, depictions of mental illnesses and disorders, the works. the "tumblr art style" was, in reality, a dogwhistle. it wasn't about the art. it was about the fact that it wasnt a white, cishet, able-bodied, neurotypical man or woman. that was a topic for a few years. "the problem with the tumblr art style", "tumblr art style cringe", i only knew of tumblr from those types of videos when i was in middle school.
commentary rarely if ever cares about justice. its just another dime in their wallet, and if they have to harass kids to get it, well, that's just fine.
#ive on and off watched commentary videos for years.#birdie's recent apology has also left me with a few thoughts yknow#i can think of SEVERAL kids that were labelled as groomers#who were in reality being groomed themselves#or were otherwise surrounded by dangerous and harmful behaviour#i hate the refusal to see kids as kids#'oh well they should just know ebtter theyre old enough'#as if they have any real experience with the world#shit like this is why i have an extremely dicey relationship with whether or not kids should be allowed online#i wouldnt have most of my friends if i wasnt allowed online as a kid#but its undeniably hurt me too#and im scared to think what wouldve happened if id had the kind of presence some of these other kids had#because the internet LOVES to scream and bitch and moan at autistic kids in particular#the minute people realise youre disabled you become an easy target for mockery#anyway#cw grooming mention#muffle#ive watched people forget that this shit has happened#people treat it like tiktok invented this problem#but they havent#these are old wounds that the internet refuses to let scab over#ive tried to grow a presence for years so that id have enough people interested in my art to commission me#ive had accounts since i was 13#ive had beef with people. people have stolen my characters#people have lied about me.#and its a good thing none of that was in the hands of the wrong people.#this is such an important topic to me. its so important it makes me sick.#these situations are why internet safety matters so much.
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lefthandoverfoot · 2 months
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idk vent post
cw homeschooling trauma and general emotional abuse
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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining#i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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dirt-str1der · 2 months
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Enjoying room number nine so much yayy bl visual novel yayy
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imflyingfish · 2 months
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I want to play minecraft <- instead has played 5 hours of the sims 4 and has something important to do tomorrow
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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🍓
#for how long am i gonna wake up.. and have my first thought be him#and then wish that when i look at my phone i will have messages waiting from him#where he said gm and told me abt his day like i had every day for a while..#and then suddenly get anxiety pain in my whole chest and stomach#bc i know i dont have any messages from him. and that we dont really talk anymore#and now idek if he would want to keep message me every once in a while#am i gonna keep living off of the high from one message from him now and then?#like idk :((( it's just so painful#and it does hurt more now bc... for a long time i still hade hope that like ofc we will talk!!!!! when he's ready to talk#we will talk abt everything and it will all be fine ^-^ i really really had trust and belief in that#like i genuinely thought that would happen. bc to /me/ this is the most real and strong thing i've had#which truly i understand is also naive and unwordly of me and also im very intense and emotional abt things#so truly i cannot get mad abt it only have been the one thing to want and to wanna fight for#bc yeah.. ig it just stings a lot more than just a crush bc to me.. like i sound so silly and naive but i should just vent#bc like yeah... i dont have any friends to talk to or a therapist or anything and i need to talk T-T#it's embarrassing but to me i really felt like i had found my person.. the person who i wanted to be the closest to in the world..#felt the kind of love where i would do anything and fight for it to even have a chance.. and yeah..#ig i was very naive to have the 'certainty' that .. i was just waiting and being patient and giving him space. maybe that wasnt actually#what he needed. but w my avpd i didnt know how to be pushy or.. like how to be enough pushy like he would need#without being too intense to push him too far away from me. bc im intense.. so i know that even if he's right for me#im not right for him bc i could not give him what he needs.. :(((#but yeah.. everyday i wake up w so much sadness bc i know i wont get to talk to him all day#and now the sadness is coupled with intense dread and anxiety#bc honestly i have no idea if he'll ever reply to me again or how much we will talk if we even will at all.#and the thought of life without him and not even have him in it even a little makes me wanna die lol#idk.. idk... bc i wont get to have what i want.. which is to simply be with him. but yeah idk... idk#it pains me sm that ... we never did talk to find out whatever was between us. and regardless of intent on his behalf that does make me fee#*i* am the one who valued and cared abt our 'bond' more than he did... but it is what it is it is what it is#it just hurts... bc i found someone i both thought and wanted it to be real with. but... i never even got a chance to try or talk abt it#which also is life.. if he found someone (twice) that he did like enough to want to try with but not with me.. that's just how he felt..
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