#that i did a writing project for my degree and it destroyed my motivation to write

[lord-squiggletits]

I actually sometimes fall prey to moments of insecurity where I'm like, imagine if you had spent these past 3 years writing REAL ORIGINAL stories instead of fan fiction you'll never get professional acclaim or profit from.

But it always passes for a couple reasons. One, I actually have gotten a lot of acclaim and a lot of people saying my fics helped/impacted them. Two, I've gotten occasional tips from people so I can say that I've technically profited off of it. And three, I think publishing fan fiction has done more for my writing ability than privately writing original fiction ever did. They're two very different genres, sure, but also, I've literally published almost 400,000 words and that has given me an undeniable quantity of skill and practice that I wouldn't get if I stuck to the traditional model of writing one book and trying to pitch it to publishing agencies (shudders) until I succeed.

[captainpuffin1]

Andrew Lloyd Webber & Tim Rice - Jesus Christ Superstar (1970)

So I don't exactly know if I was somebody who you'd call a theater kid. Sure, I did appear in two school plays, one drama and one musical, and a lot of my good friends in high school were theater kids, but seeing what people on here consider a "theater kid"...yeah, I don't know if that was ever truly me. Theater was never really my source of living, my music taste barely consisted of any songs from Broadway plays, I was never really a prima donna when it comes to ego, and my social behavior is school was more quiet and subdued compared to the out there nature of a theater kid. Or I don't know, anyone remotely involved in a school play to some degree was automatically considered a theater kid, but what the fuck do I know, I like Maroon 5.

Anyways, wanna know another thing that I just don't consider myself but a lot of other people in life do? That's right, being religious.

*gets hit by a chair*

Which is why Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice's original 1970 version of what would go on to be the popular play "Jesus Christ Superstar" is just the perfect album for me to cover. This won't definitely backfire on me in any sort of way. Though hey, maybe me saying that I still ended up loving it will calm someone down, who knows?

Yeah, Andrew Lloyd Webber is just an absolute idiot of a human being, but damn, he could make some insanely great musicials in his prime. "Jesus Christ Superstar" is just one of his many great projects, thanks in part to help from fellow notable Broadway hitmaker Tim Rice. What we get is a fantastic telling of Jesus' last day alive (in his 1st life, anyways, if you believe in that sort of thing.) through the eyes of a Rock Opera, which sounds ridiculous on paper, but ends up working really well in it's execution. Hell, this show goes even further with its idea by having almost no dialogue in it. The whole play is just singing, classic rock production, and nothing else.

The writing does a great job telling the last day of Jesus' life, especially with some of the key moments of the day like his betrayal at the hands of Judas, his crucifixion, and his relationship with Mary Magdalene. In a way, "Jesus Christ Superstar" also serves as somewhat of a good commentary on fame, and how it can negatively affect people in how they'll blindly support a certain person who is popular and do whatever they say, which is shown to negatively affect Jesus on here when it comes to seeing supporters twist his words, and later end up ditching Jesus when he turns out to not be the person they thought they were in the eyes of a lot of his supporters. The supporters all seemed to forget that Jesus, was just a human, just like them. But like with all celebrities, a lot of us tend to forget that part of them and assume that they're an otherworldly deity who is perfect and can do no wrong, when that is never the case. This album perfectly shows the possible frustration Jesus had over that throughout a good chunk of the play, with songs like "Gethsemane (I Only Want to Say)" perfectly showing the negative effect this level of fame would end up having on Jesus, along with "The Last Supper" showing Jesus' sense of trust in his supporters getting destroyed when he sees none of the other supporters with him at supper actually pay attention to him and how he even knows that two of those apostles at the supper will end up backstabbing him later on (Peter and Judas).

The album also explores other parts of that fateful day in good detail, including Jesus' close relationship to Mary ("Everything's Alright"), Judas' motivation and eventual scheming to arrest Jesus ("This Jesus Must Die"), King Herod's hesitance to execute Jesus ("Trial Before Pilate") and Judas getting driven mad over guilt in arresting Jesus, which leads to Judas' death ("Judas' Death") All of the events on this last day are written perfectly by Tim Rice, and helps turn a ridiculous idea like a Jesus themed Rock Opera into something spectacular.

The production on here is also great. The more Symphonic elements are a perfect addition onto the album, especially when it comes to carrying some of the emotions of a particular character or moment, like that of Judas on "Judas' Death" and the closing instrumental track "John Nineteen Forty-One" that plays as Jesus is buried after dying on the cross. The more Prog Rock and even Funk Rock elements also work on here, as it helps modernize an essential part of Jesus' story while also giving the album it's share of enjoyable sounding Rock Opera jams, like "Heaven On Their Minds" and the first half of "Simon Zealotes / Poor Jerusalem" It holds up remarkably well, and it's a great fit for the large cast of performers, who turn in some stellar performances on here, especially in the case of Murray Head as Judas, Mike d'Ago as King Herod, and Ian Gillan as Jesus Christ.

"Jesus Christ Superstar" is an idea that really shouldn't work, but somehow manages to do so spectacularly. Andrew's music and Tim's writing go perfectly well together in this Rock Opera retelling of Jesus Christ's last day alive, with Tim Rice's lyrics being fantastic, the production being really stellar, and all of the cast on here giving some great performances. This show is considered a classic in Andrew Lloyd Webber's career for a good reason, and if you want another example of Andrew's talent (especially in his prime), then check out "Jesus Christ Superstar"

BEST: Gethsemane (I Only Want to Say), Trial Before Pilate, The Last Supper, Heaven on Their Minds, King Herod's Song (Try It and See), I Don't Know How to Love Him, Everything's Alright

WORST: Overture

10/10

[titoist]

FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS SINCE LATE WINTER OF 2021 WHEN MY WORLD WAS DESTROYED THE OBJECTIVE MOMENTUM OF MY SUBJECTIVE SELF THAT BEING MY THOUGHTS ACTIONS & BELIEFS AS THEY EXIT THROUGH MY NEURONS & THROUGH TRANSMISSION METASTASIZE IN THE STALE AIR HAS BEEN DRIVEN BY A DEEP SOULWRENCHING CONSTANT AWE LOVE & RECOGNITION WITH A PERSON WHO FELT LIKE THEY EMBODIED WITH ONLY THEIR PASSIVE EXISTENCE 1. A MODE OF THINKING & LOVING & WRITING & BEING ALIVE THAT AT ONCE STRUCK ME AS INTIMATELY UNFAMILIAR BUT UNPRECEDENTEDLY, TRANSFIXINGLY RIGHT 2. A PATH WHICH I COULD FOLLOW TO RECONSTITUTE MY BEING THROUGH ADHERENCE TO AXIOMS EXTRAPOLATED THROUGH OBSERVANCE OF THE PREVIOUS NUMERAL A PATH WHICH FELT NAVIGABLE PRECISELY BECAUSE I FELT REFLECTED IN THE SHAPE OF THE SOUL WHICH ANIMATED THEIR BEING IN SHORT I COULD BE EXPLAINED BY THE IMMENSE & EMOTIONALLY DEFINING SENSE THAT WE GREW FROM THE SAME MOLD ONLY ALONG POLAR ENDS OF A CHRONOLOGICAL AXIS & IN IMITATION OF HER I COULD LEARN HOW TO BE A HUMAN BEING THOUGH AT THE TIME THIS MOTIVATION WAS SUBLIMATED I ATTRIBUTE THESE FEELINGS & BEHAVIORS LESS TO THE TERRIBLE & UNCOMFORTABLE NARRATIVE ONE MIGHT BE TEMPTED TO CREATE INWHERE I AM A STALKER OBSESSIVELY PROJECTING MYSELF ONTO A POOR HUMAN BEING & MORE TO THE NEUTRALLY CONSTRUCTIVE EXPERIENCE ONE MIGHT IMAGINE IN A CHILD ATTEMPTING TO EMULATE AN ELDER SIBLING BUT I CANNOT SPEAK WITH ANY DEGREE OF CERTAINTY BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER HAD ANYONE WHO I COULD LOOK UP TO IN SUCH A SENSE AND BESIDES EVEN IF I DID I COULD SIMPLY BE DELUSIONAL & CONFLATING & ANYWAY I CANNOT SPEAK ON THE MORAL QUALITY OF THIS BESIDES LIMPLY NOTING THAT REGARDLESS I HAVE REMOLDED MYSELF SO CONCENTRATEDLY THAT IT IS MY BELIEF ONE COULD NO LONGER FIND ANY CLEAN SEPARATION BETWEEN MY BEGINNING & HER ENDING EVEN IF THEY WANTED TO DRAW CIRCLES AROUND DISCRETE OBJECTS ANd it's always been so painful all of the time like i'm internally bleeding & futilely trying to apply pressure

a ghost is exactly this: her memory diseases me even as it makes me a better person.

the experience doesn't seem to be over. not a day has gone by in 3 years. i can't say with confidence that anything i've ever gone through has ended. the nature of relationships & influences between human beings can largely be understood as a series of chains which autonomously construct the conditions of their own propagation, or breakage. any person can sustain just as easily & silently as they can break invisible streaks & inheritances that existed since the beginning of the world. i can only hope that i grow into a shape that sustains rather than breaks.

i ask where are you and she doesn't answer and i curl up as tightly as i can but the cold doesn't leave my bones and i repeat i'm at the end of the world. i'm at the end of the world

i have been in love for ten million years

[ziracona]

It's insane how they managed to strip away any complexity Solas had from the main game in a single DLC with a couple of lines. That has to be a world record. They really outdid themselves didn't they?

RIGHT??? He was the second best character Inquisition had to offer and they had almost LIMITLESS potential to take him places in DW and they literally ran him through a shredder in Four. Minutes. Of dialogue more completely than I think I have literally EVER seen someone destroy any project or character before. Like it has to be a world record. It HAS to be. It was almost impossible, what they did! They really in ONE four minute conversation absolutely obliterated every piece of their own ground work, 300 hours of in-game characterization, and one of the best NPCs they'd ever made. It...I honestly think I'm still in shock from the terminal velocity of it alone. It's almost beyond comprehending. And we'd seen them pull plenty of shit already like, what they did with DAI Varric was pretty impressive too, and Hawke. But they really had nothing like. It was a hydrogen-bomb of four minutes of writing. I...I've never seen someone throw a character on a grenade to such a degree. Never. I honestly would not have thought it was possible if I hadn't been there. I think I'm owed some kind of compensation for scarring. They really had a Beneath the Mask of unparalled writing. He's pretending to be lawful good all game and so reasonable and calm while secretly a chaos god pulling a long con, but you think it means uh-oh darth sidius might be in there but no, whenever the Mask Slips, it's Bugs Bunny cutting Florida off the US with a hand saw. It was easily one of the funniest and best ideas for a character of all time. Everything he did was hilarious. He also had a whole Becoming the Mask potential as far as getting endlessly blamed for his good intentions no matter how successful his acts were and remembered as not just a, but the villain in his pantheon, despite being easily the most or maybe only benevolent god. He's written in DAI and speaks as if he's been around for centuries alone, struggling to improve things, and at his breaking point. It would have been so easy to have him pull off a "I'm declaring war for my minority race and going to kill a lot of people to get them a country again, and if I'm remembered again as the villain and die alone this time hated like I always have been for trying to save my own, so be it. If you want me to be the villain, I may as well become it one last time. I've tried everything else. I'm exhausted, and I can't keep standing by and failing like I have for centuries." which would have been SUCH the motive and provided god-tier conflict and emotion, and been interesting and sympathetic.

And then in ONE DLC they retconned the entirety of elven history, made Ancient Elven Civilization that's BETTER obviously than their word-of-god based on indigenous cultures society, ofc, an Opulent Slaver Europeans Society, made his motive to restore Opulence and replace their culture with former High European Society again, made him a race supremacist that thinks restoring that society high is worth complete genocide against every species on the planet, made him not think of anyone else as PEOPLE in the most entitled intellectual dude-bro motive of all time (like damn DAI 'oh we planned this' sure you did it makes total sense for someone who sees everyone as NPCS he's going to kill anyway to lose it if I won't deliver flowers for a widower uh-huh sure you did), made him have decided all other cultures deserve complete antihalation after ONE. YEAR. of looking at them (BioWare bro--bro---what happened to the 'I've been trying. For years' ??? He only had TIME to what, get told he was weird by 2 Dalish clans before Inquisition even STARTED on that bullshit time track you gave him), seem to have forgotten about any practical application of the trickster thing??? Beyond lying? I guess???? Ignored the conflict with his huge ass five games legend in his pantheon entirely. OH. And he's not even a god!!! Great work everybody!! GREAT. WORK. And NINETY% of this!!! Was made canon in Four. Minutes. Of Dialogue at the ASS END of the LAST DLC for the entire!!! FUCKING!! GAME!!! FOUR. MINUTES!!

[legionofpotatoes]

alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned

we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐

but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants

I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses

why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision

the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas

yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move

what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;

but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of

to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted

I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course

[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure

tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”

tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee

why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie

a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever

quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n

the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this

that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone

the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that

also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane

I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out

plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude

total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex

the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks

anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill

[simplystefanie-rae]

God there’s so much I want to say about the wandavision finale I’m not even sure where to start.

Well I guess first I’ll start with just how SHOCKED I genuinely am that Vision is, for all intents and purposes, alive (unless he destroyed himself, but we didn’t see it and that would be rude AF). He’s not our Vision right now but they left a door wide open for him to come back at any point, and to that I tip a hundred hats to them. I had a bit of a post set aside that I was in the middle of writing up about Vision’s character and how I felt he would be wasted if they killed him off for good now (even if this undermined the theme of the show to a degree), and I never got the chance to finish it before the finale, and fuck I’m glad I didn’t now, since it turns out I didn’t need it lol. 

Hex! Vision mid season started questioning who he was, and as I was thinking he was definitely a goner I thought it was a shame because this arc of the android character questioning their identity and sense of self was what I wanted for Vision from the beginning. This Vision had his closure in that regard, but as he was purely an extension of Wanda it wasn’t really to the true Vision’s characters’ benefit. White Vision’s appearance gave me hope but I still figured Hex! Vision would kill him so Wanda wouldn’t have to do it, but instead they have a philosophical discussion and his memories get unlocked. Now what I’m really hoping for is a long journey (could not even begin to guess what project would give the room for this) of Vision re-discovering his humanity. He has all these memories, but maybe not the emotions to go along with it? I wish they were just a little more clear on that before he just took off and we didn’t see him again.

Which I suppose can lead to the rest of my review/observations. Under a cut because this got long.

I think the episode really could have benefitted from just 20 more minutes to let it all have a chance to breathe. A few more minutes for Wanda and Agatha’s fight, a few more for the Visions, a few more for Wanda’s reaction to nearly getting killed by white Vision, a few more for Monica...like it was all good things, but it needed more. I feel like there WANTED to be more but it was cut for run time, but why such a short run time in the first place? I never complained about the episode length until now.

Mostly I think I just wanted more lore on the Scarlet Witch, and Wanda coming to terms with what that meant. Honestly okay, I say we needed just 20 more minutes, but maybe it could have benefited from another 20 of Agatha giving Wanda her own little walkabout through the history of witches and what it means to be a witch to give Wanda some space to accept that hey, she’s a fucking witch, and now she realizes she has a lot more power than she thought and it’s this huge responsibility she needs to get a handle on. We see her accept this mantle and identity, but not really why. 

I guess Wanda has been struggling to come to terms with her powers for years now, what’s one more thing added on top of that. But that combined with her accepting all the loss in her life, there had to be a neater way to tie the two things together. All the ingredients are THERE they probably just needed to be written by the writer of episode 8. At least I’m assuming it’s a different writer, since 8 was basically perfect and this one not so much. 

I’m assuming we’ll see more of what it means to be the SW in Doctor Strange. I worry a little but how far they’re going to push Wanda into morally grey territory. I think it’s clear at this point her being just a straight up hero is off the table, at least for now. She hurt way too many people, she knows this, and I think is accepting it in a way that, while she’s not going to go out of her way to do bad shit, probably thinks she’s incapable of being a hero so what’s the point in trying. She might be more self serving, if that end credits clip is anything to go by. 

Maybe? Honestly that could go so many ways. She did say to Monica that she wanted to understand her powers, presumably because she doesn’t want to be this being that destroys the whole world, but I would thinking studying from a book called the Darkhold wouldn’t be the way to go. But then again that’s the book that is written about her and she has no other source to go to other than Agatha, who she doesn’t trust with good reasoning, so I guess there was no other option for her. Urgh, what a mess lol. I’ll talk more about Wanda’s potential future in another post though, it’s so much to get into. 

Other observations/thoughts: Monica in general. I’m going back and forth on whether or not she was truly underused or if the smallest glance of her powers was an appropriate tease of better things to come for her. Because while I wanted a cool ass fight scene with her, at the same time I think she deserves her own platform to have this moment of payoff so we can really just enjoy it for HER and not have to also focus on Wanda’s character arc as well. So while I was disappointed we didn’t see a more kickass moment from her, I’m excited for more, and for her to really shine on her own. We got a great introduction to her character and why she’s a hero, I’d like to see the true culmination of this in Captain Marvel 2 or whatever other project she may be in first.

Evan Peters just being Ralph is the funniest fucking thing in the world to me and honestly is what I deserve after so many people just hopping on board this show just to see a character that has very little to do with Wanda to begin with. At the end of the day, this story was about Wanda’s grief, Vision’s identity, and to a much smaller extent Monica’s origin story, not this huge introduction to X-men like everyone kept trying to force it to be, and thank god for that. While the finale didn’t hold up as much as the rest of the show, it was so successful because it was an intimate character study and Marvel needs to realize it can do more of that. Episode 8 was the best of it for a reason. 

I have some more small criticisms, like my confusion over how Wanda’s powers are actually suppose to work (why did Monica’s clothes not change from it’s 70s hex form, is it because the hex was still up, and now that it’s down they changed back? Why are Wanda’s powers regulated to being inside a barrier but then she can just control/change Agatha back into Agnes and presumably keep that going when the hex gets taken down?), is Agnes/Agatha just suppose to continue to live in Westview when all the people there knows she’s not suppose to be there? That’s so dark, to be constantly reminded of this awful thing that happened, but at the same time that just seems like sloppy writing and that the writer didn’t actually think through how that was suppose to work. We don’t know if the residents know who exactly she is, just that she wasn’t there before the hex, so I honestly don’t know what they would make of her. And while Wanda is definitely more morally grey now (Agatha even said this was cruel) I don’t think she would force this constant reminder on the people that she just took the hex down for. I’ll just chalk it up to sloppiness.

I also am conflicted on Agatha in general. On one hand, I wish she had a better motive then wanting more magic for more powers sake, but on the other she’s such an unapologetically bad bitch I have to respect it. I did like the beat of her being scared of Wanda’s power and suggesting that there are things even she fears, though it sure was arrogant of her to think she could handle this power she’s also terrified of. But anyway I’m glad she’s not dead, I want her to be more fleshed out. Maybe some point down the road Wanda says fuck it and releases her so she can teach her. It can be the morally grey witch + evil witch reluctant friendship/tutelage we deserve.

I’ll talk about Vision and Wanda’s scene at the end in other post since that’s gonna be a lot more positive. Lizzie and Paul are so fucking good together, they really sold the emotion of the ending even if I was questioning things. 

Oh also, Marvel, can we PUH-LEASE give Wanda her brown hair back??? The red is killing me. That post credits scene should have had her brown roots showing to give me peace of mind that theyre not gonna keep it like this!!! Also style the curly hair better for Doctor Strange please. Not a fan of the weird waves it had going. 

[digitaldandelions]

What do I have in common with Superstorm Sandy?

"Why should I care?"

You will learn my superhero, mutagen, backstory.

Most importantly, I'll help you realize your self-worth if you are culturally mismatched and how these may wreck your career path.

This year would mark 9 years since I graduated from NC A&T. I have come to many conclusions since then: particularly, how to forged my career path and why it took so long to accept my talents. I want my story to help you on their journey.

The year was 2012. I had just obtained my Engineering degree after 6 years of hard work, study abroad excursions, and University research expeditions. I would have probably still been at A&T doing Climate Research with the University of Minnesota if I hadn't elected to graduate.

However, it was promptly after the economic downturn. All of my prospects had dried up. Time Warner Cable, while they had appreciated my work, the company had overturned. No one left working there even remembered who I was, never mind how valuable my engineering, production manuals had been. I had pursued patent writing at the US Patent Office in Alexandria, VA, but no one ever followed up with me. It was a dismal time.

Cultural Mismatch: An Aversion to North Carolina

I was living with my parents after 6 years of living abroad, living out of state, and generally just being independent. However, I was severely culturally mismatched. Here is why--

Eden, NC, is composed of retirees with very few economic opportunities for locals. Staying there would have been a lethal financial decision. Additionally, there was virtually no support from the community for people who want to advance.

Eden is a dilapidated Company Town. The city was designed to serve only one company. If you do not fit into the company, there is no job for you. Therefore, Eden's company NEVER hired anyone within my family's zip code. Even if candidates have the expertise, they did not see value in the community. They only saw economical (cheap) standards of living for their workers. To make matters worse, Eden's only company was starting to move out of the city in 2012.

After my time abroad, out of state, and out of the community, I had accumulated values that no one around me could appreciate. While this may sound pig-headed, in this case, it's a practical observation. I had become fluent in Korean, among other things. No one in Eden, NC, could appreciate that. They certainly couldn't fit that skill into their office.

Given my situation, I vowed to move away from North Carolina as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I attempted to salvage my financial situation. I created a freelancing account on Elance, now Upwork. However, 9 years ago, it allowed professionals from India and China to compete with people in the U.S. While someone in India can afford to edit a manuscript for pennies on the hour, I could not.

As an effect, I gained the bad habit of devaluing my work. After the US Patent Office ghosted me, it was a huge blow to my self-worth. Combined with being isolated at my parent's place in a community I had zero connection with, I became desperate for any chance to get away.

By Halloween 2012, I was moving to New York with some family. After living in a metropolitan, world city like Seoul, South Korea, moving to New York seemed like a cure for my cultural displacement. We had a place in Brooklyn, and we were set. I was sure I'd have better luck and find more people to appreciate me in New York.

The Unusual Path of Superstorm Sandy

Superstorm Sandy would hit Brooklyn and the rest of New York a day later. What made the storm so unusual is that it didn't follow the path of usual storms. Let me explain.

The North Carolina Outerbanks juts out far into the Atlantic, serving as a barrier for most of the east coast. Hurricanes naturally go out to the Atlantic after visiting the Outerbanks. It's why New York, New Jersey, and most other states on the East Coast above North Carolina never saw any storms. This is why Jersey Shore (was) such a thing. The entirety of New York City is on a collection of islands out in the bay with 10 to 20-story skyscrapers as the norm.

Meanwhile, North Carolina gets storms so often, the people there know not to build anything on our beaches. We have horrific riptides that will drag you out into the ocean-- and this is on a regular day. There is a huge chance that a whole hurricane will come and tear through your little beach house like a toddler on a rampage. This chance has increased 10-fold with global warming and more active Hurricane seasons.

The North Carolina Outerbanks belong to the birds and wildlife. It's for the best.

Albeit, it seems Superstorm Sandy shares this sentiment. Sandy clipped the Outerbanks and veered right for New York and New Jersey. Subways flooded, property was destroyed, and the Jersey boardwalk till this day is a shadow of its former self.

For my sister and me, that meant that we were no longer moving to Brooklyn. I wouldn't get to New York City until 2013. We settled for an overpriced apartment in Washington Heights.

When I arrived, the job prospects were even lower after a 100-year storm like Superstorm Sandy. After 6 years of getting my engineering degree, I was reduced to temp-work. While I talked about my engineering, design, and rendering experience, people asked me for Excel spreadsheets. Despite moving up the seaboard, I still couldn't find anyone who could appreciate my skills and experience. It was a frustrating time.

When I did settle for underemployment, companies strung me along. They would promise to hire me permanently but only kept me on for projects. I had to learn how to minimize myself to make rent (I wasn't very good at it). However, I did learn a lot about how to serve.

My Mutagen: Navigating Bureaucracy for the Good of the People

One of my favorite assignments was helping people after Superstorm Sandy. One would think people who have lost everything would be inconsolable. However, on the whole, these New Yorkers were strong and gracious.

I learned a lot about reliance from them while filing their paperwork. Many families were devastated by water damage, mold, and loss of life in some cases. Yet, they would still have just about everything they needed for FEMA. If they didn't, listening to people's stories gave them the motivation to come back the next day to get what they need.

I got a chance to work in Staten Island and Coney Island. I would spend hours on the train or on the ferry, just to help old ladies scan through legalese to get what they needed. Most importantly, I found out I could do it quickly. In the Summer of 2013, I helped about 100 families get their FEMA assistance. While I was essentially a (secretary) with an Engineering degree, I was an efficient one. I could find loopholes and clauses to help people get what they need. I developed a system to make it better. More importantly, I learned how to navigate New York Bureaucracy and do it with agile precision. It was temporary, but I took many qualities with me that I still use to this day.

Discovering your Mutagen: Are you Culturally Mismatched?

There is a lot of talk about "following your passion" when you first graduate. There was, certainly, when I had graduated in 2012. However, what good are your passions if they don't elevate other people? Do your passions really validate how you think the world should be?

As individuals, we have much more power than we realize. This power is increased tenfold when we team up with people who have the same values as we do. Even when you feel like you are alone, when you are convicted and stand up for what you believe in, this impacts the people around us. If you put in the work can attract people who have the same values as you.

Stick around. My next blog will explore the effects of "cultural mismatch" in more detail!

Until then--

Stay Determined

[popmusicu]

Music Recommendation: Mitski

Today I want to recommend an artist who I think does not have the recognition she deserves: Mitski Miyawaki. She is a Japanese-American indie musician and has been active since 2012, serving as the opening act for bands and musicians such as Pixies and Lorde.

Mitski's music recalls something of the 90s vibe, very powerful and emo, as if it framed us in an eternal adolescence, but in a more intimate and mature way, while reinventing his musical proposals.

Her first studio album Lush, transits between lo-fi, folktronics and chamber pop. This album was Mitski's debut, although it was released while he was still studying at college. This work was recognized mainly for its poetry-laden lyrics. From this album I recommend Eric, a song full of seduction and eroticism, but at the same time loaded with a very sinister atmosphere.

Eric: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRPI6JSCOK0

Her second work, Retired from Sad, New Career in Business, was also done while she was still in college, serving as her degree project. 

This album is more experimental, and mixes a student orchestra with electric sounds and not so conventional elements. The album features a music video for each of its 9 songs, with an intertwined story forming a kind of movie. While the videos are quite “amateur” and student-level, it is interesting to see the evolution between this and his previous album, noting a great exploration not only in music but also in Mitski's writing. From this album I recommend Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart.

Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohxu-pA7o64

  Her third studio album, and my favorite, is Bury Me At Makeout Creek. It is named after the phrase that Milhouse, from The Simpsons, says after being run over by a truck. This album is perhaps the most "conventional" in his career, but at the same time one of the best, surprising with indie-rock and punk-rock full of energy, guitars and basses with dirty sounds and lyrics full of fury, love and frustration. With this album Mitski begins to gain more notoriety within the industry, being recognized mainly for the lyrics of her songs (For this album Mitski wrote all the songs completely alone).

From this album I recommend First Love / Late Spring. Starting as a complete harmony, it evolves with distorted and aggressive electric sounds and guitars, with lyrics that could be cloying at first, but ends up being completely heartbreaking, like a last love poem.

First Love / Late Spring.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCphVz0ZGns

I also recommend Francis Forever, my favorite Mitski song. With a fairly simple structure, the bass line guides Mitski's voice that becomes more and more energetic, who seems to make a statement not so much for someone, but for herself: “I don´t need the world to see, that I've been the best I can be ”.

Francis Forever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMJm_97QXHA

His fourth album Puberty 2 continues with a formula similar to the previous one, exploring indie-rock and punk-rock again. Again she receives the favor of the critic, and her great emotional capacity to write poetic and profound lyrics on topics as diverse as depression, alienation, anxiety and also racial identity is highlighted. This album has a much more hopeful and cheerful sound despite the themes that its lyrics deal with, because it also tries to reflect the internal conflicts about how to overcome oneself and be at peace with oneself, despite all the obstacles that we may encounter.

From this album I recommend Thursday Girl. It is a song with an extremely simple structure, but through repetition and as if it were a prayer, along with the harmony between an electric guitar and synthesizer sounds, Mitski manages to engross the listener and immerse her in a state of reflection.

Thursday Girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpH31xY6Mx4

Finally, in 2018 she releases her latest studio album (so far) titled Be The Cowboy. In this album she incorporates elements from all her past works, returning to her songs the more orchestral sounds and pianos, but maintaining her already emblematic distorted electric guitar. In addition, it includes elements of art-pop, funk, disco, synth pop, country rock, euro disco, among others. It is a much more conceptual album compared to the previous one that was extremely personal, and manages to impose itself as Mitski's most successful to date, positioning itself on the charts of the best albums of that year, reaching No. 11 in Billboard’s Top 50, No. 14 in the New York Times Top 50 and No. 2 in Rolling Stone's Top 28.

From this album I recommend Nobody. With a disco style, Mitski tells us about loneliness and love, but with a melody that inevitably keeps us from being depressed, and motivates us to think about our relationships with others.

Nobody: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qooWnw5rEcI

“Venus, planet of love,

was destroyed by global warming.

Did its people want too much too?” 

  I look forward to her new album, and I also recommend for those who do not know her to give it a try, as she really is a talented artist who still has a lot to offer.

 -Rodrigo Silva

[abyssmail]

Caerul’s Mentors: Gracie & Terrence

The Black Whistle who said she would teach her, and the Moon Whistle who actually did.

I ended up writing a lot about stuff people don’t necessarily care about again while overhauling Caerul’s backstory (these characters are both [probably] dead and I wrote a whole damn essay about them asfksaglksda), so under the cut, for anyone who wants to read it:

Gracie

Status: MISSING/PRESUMED DEAD

Gracie was a powerful Black Whistle whose bubbly personality sharply contrasted with her brutal methods.  She was the kind of person who would see a cute fluffy creature (and in one notable case, a pair of children), ask “Is anyone going to adopt this?”, and not wait for an answer.  She was also, purportedly, the kind of person who would slice an enemy delver’s chest open with a shallow incision, reach inside, and snap his ribs individually by hand while his heart still beat in retaliation for attacking one of her squadmates.  The duality of man.  So long as you were not heinously irredeemable or her hapless first apprentice, though, she was kind and gentle to most.  

Confident and capable, Gracie was not only an expert delver, but an exceptional leader, and led a group that specialized in countermeasures against hostile foreign delving squads.  When a team from Orth was sent to retrieve a high-grade artifact, they would either follow behind the group and defend the rear, or forge on ahead on the offensive, discretely rooting out opposition before it could reach the main group.  While even a single White Whistle could do the same task far more efficiently, some diplomatic situations required a greater degree of subtlety, with less recognizable players whose identities would not implicate the small island nation in the brutal dispatch of more powerful countries’ citizens.  Even in the name of protecting its borders, Orth needed to tread carefully in such international disputes, which was where Gracie’s group came into play.  

After their foolhardy antics got them kicked out of Red Whistle training at the orphanage, Caerul and Roseus approached Gracie when she and Terrence, her younger brother and former apprentice, were in town preparing for their next expedition.  Enamored by their enthusiasm, Gracie happily agreed to teach them, and adopted them with the intent to begin their training after she returned from her next dive to the Fifth Layer

Gracie: “We’re keeping them.”

Terrence: “Fuck no, absolutely not—”

Gracie: “Too late lol, my kids now :D”  

However, she never did, and their education instead fell to Terrence, who had stayed behind to watch them.

While Terrence described Gracie as a slave driver of a master, his account should be taken with a grain of salt given his own temperament and relationship with her.  Though she aggressively imposed her own ambitions on her unwilling brother and definitely bullied him into following her path, Gracie likely would have been a much more beloved mentor to apprentices who matched her own relentless drive.  Not soft, per se, but the kind of teacher who could bring such unruly brats to heel by positively redirecting their wild excess of energy and honing their eagerness into something useful.  Unfortunately, she never got that chance, and Caerul, Roseus, and Terrence got stuck with each other.

Gracie’s squad was obliterated, but her body was never found.

Terrence

Status: DEAD

The hapless Moon Whistle who was strong-armed into taking Caerul and Roseus as his students, Terrence was the younger brother and previous apprentice of Gracie, the Black Whistle who’d actually agreed to train them.  Initially only supposed to babysit the twins and give them very basic instruction when Gracie was called down to the Fifth Layer on a retrieval mission, Terrence got stuck with the notorious pair of troublemakers after her return was “delayed”.  Reluctant though he was, persistent guilt-tripping and pestering eventually wrangled some practical teaching out of the jaded Moon Whistle, and he was an effective mentor if and when he was bothered enough. He often required a lot of bothering.

Despite being a highly competent delver, Terrence had little motivation to progress in rank or achievement, and deliberately avoided the Black Whistle exam out of complete disinterest in going any deeper than the Fourth Layer (or indeed, the First, if he had his way).  Once he had thirsted for knowledge of the Abyss’s secrets, but an intense and bloody early career left him burned out and cynical at a young age.  By the time Caerul and Roseus met him, he claimed he was quite happy to never set foot in “that blasted hole” ever again… although somehow he always found himself back in the pit regardless.

Although abyssal warfare wasn’t his area of interest, Terrence became a regular, even crucial member of his sister’s squad as their main strategist.  Blessed with a sharp mind and near-photographic memory, Terrence’s tactical prowess - particular under pressure, especially when dealing with rival delvers - was remarkable, and he greatly improved the group’s kill to casualty ratio when he joined as Gracie’s apprentice.  Terrence technically graduated from his apprenticeship when he achieved the rank of Moon Whistle, but he was a terrible pushover, and Gracie easily coerced him into whatever exploits she pleased.  He remained with the squad until he was needed to watch Gracie’s new apprentices in the upper layers when they were sent to the Fifth, which he had thought would be a much-needed vacation.

Babysitting Caerul and Roseus was anything but restful.  From the minute they woke up (at dawn, daily, without fail), the twins were raring to go, and seemingly determined to get themselves killed by hurling themselves into the Abyss.  If Terrence didn’t come up with something suitably interesting with which to occupy them, they would run off and cause all kinds of trouble.  It was no wonder they were expelled from training at the orphanage.  At best, they were a liability to themselves and anyone around them; without careful direct supervision, an outright danger.  In the large groups Red Whistles typically worked in, it would have been impossible to keep an eye on them all the time without neglecting other children.

As it was, Terrence had his hands full with just the two of them.  Hyperactive though they were, Caerul and Roseus were remarkably bright, and burned through the loose curriculum Gracie had left behind for them—expedition supply management, equipment maintenance, standard and variant delving sign languages and ciphers, basic rope work, etc.—in the first month.  At that point, Terrence felt he’d done his job, and that the brats could wait for their actual master to return, but like ravenous corpse weeper chicks, the twins constantly demanded more from him.  He didn’t initially give it, but as he’d fallen to Gracie’s demands all his life, so too did he give in to the relentless Red Whistles’ constant badgering.

When Gracie’s group missed their projected return date, Terrence wasn’t worried; such a deadline was an extremely rough estimate at best, what with expeditions being unpredictable and time itself being inconsistent at lower depths.  When news of their extinction finally reached him a year later, though, he was distraught.  Caerul and Roseus had only known them briefly, but for Terrence, the loss was his entire life—his friends, his family, his purpose.  He blamed himself for not getting his Black Whistle; if he had been able to go to the Fifth Layer, he would have at least been able to die with them.  He blamed Caerul and Roseus for keeping him on the Surface; if not for them, he could have at least gone as far as the Fourth Layer.  He blamed Gracie for leaving him behind with them in the first place.

Terrence sank into a deep depression, during which Caerul and Roseus were largely left to their own devices - never a good thing.  After getting bored of causing problems on purpose in town, they began wandering deeper and deeper into the Abyss alone.  By this point, the twins were at least proficient enough that the First Layer wasn’t too much of an issue, though there were certainly several near misses.  It was when they decided to stray into the Second when things went wrong.

In frustration at their mentor’s neglect, one fateful day, Caerul and Roseus left a brief note on the kitchen table, as Roseus insisted they did each day “as a record of their progress”.  It read:

“Checking out the corpse weeper nesting grounds to observe chick rearing habits.  Be back for dinner.”

Contrary to what the children believed, Terrence did actually read the notes, and when he found this one, he was horrified.  Horrified enough that he extricated himself from his angst-ridden blanket burrito.  Horrified enough that he went tearing after them faster than he had ever traveled.  Horrified that he might lose the last family he had left.

Fortunately, they never quite made it to the corpse weeper nesting grounds.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to save both idiot Red Whistles.  Terrence caught up with them just in time to see Roseus, captivated by a flower he had never seen before, wander up a clearly unstable cliff, stumble on a loose outcropping, and trigger an avalanche that stranded both children on a precarious ledge teetering over the edge.  Terrence was forced to hastily rig a self-belay line to the only standing outcropping nearby - a spindly thing that could hardly be trusted more than the original traitorous cliff - and repel down to retrieve them one at a time.  He managed to recover Caerul and deposit her on solid footing.  Roseus was not so lucky; the first avalanche triggered a series of smaller ones elsewhere, which eventually triggered another at their location.  What remained of the cliff was destroyed again.  And as skilled as Terrence was at orchestrating the deaths of foreign delvers, protecting two inexperienced children from their own stupidity proved too much for him, and he and Roseus both fell in that cliff collapse.

Caerul avoids reliving the incident as much as possible, but she’s pretty sure Terrence’s last words were “For fuck’s sake.”

[devinetheory-2]

Why Do Narcissists and Borderlines Lie So Much?

Many things can destroy trust and intimacy between partners when one is a high conflict person, often someone with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. But one of the top ones is lying--especially when it is about extramarital contact. A disclaimer: not all people with BPD or knowingly NPD lie. It's just that those who do lie so thoroughly and often that they spoil it for those who do not.

Just What Is a Lie?

First, let's define what a lie is, because what constitutes a lie and the truth is a gray area. The book Lying, Cheating, and Carrying On (edited by Salman Akhtar and Henri Parens) contains several essays about lying. In the essay "Lies, Liars, and Lying: An Introductory Overview," Salman Akhtar, M.D. lists several types of lies that are conscious lies, i.e., those that Pinocchio knows are false.

Here are examples that a 17-year-old girl might tell to parents who went on an overnight trip and left her at home "alone."

1. Lies of omission: telling the truth but not the whole truth in a way designed to mislead ("While you were gone I watched a DVD"--not mentioning the five people who were also over and who drank beer).

2. Not speaking up when asked a direct question: (Silence when asked, "What did you do when we were gone?")

3. Making up facts that are not true: ("I did my homework while you were gone").

4. Embellishing the truth is a way that misleads: ("I took care of the cat"--meaning she petted it a few times but forgot to feed him on time or change the litter box).

5. Insisting that a truth known to someone is a falsehood: ("I did not have friends over!").

6. Gaslighting: an attempt to erode another's reality by denying their experience ("No, the house looks exactly like it did when you left. Is there something wrong with your vision?"). One woman in therapy once said that nearly all the quarrels in her family was about whose reality would be dubbed the "right" one.

7. Acknowledging the truth but assigning motives that were never there to make yourself look better: ("Yes, I had people here but only because I was so lonely without you that I was getting very depressed and started crying").

8. Keeping secrets for the wrong reasons: (One of the friends stole the mother's expensive earrings).

Unconscious Lies

Now let's look at unconscious lies, or untruths that the teller believes on a conscious level. Being truthful takes the ability to be honest with one's own self, because if you're not honest with yourself, you won't be honest with others. For example:

1) When a narcissist says that everyone loves and respects her when it's obvious to others it's not true, that's an unconscious lie. Les Carter explains this well in his book, Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism. He writes (p 17):

In a sense, narcissists are out of touch with reality. They are not mentally ill, like a psychotic; they are just unwilling to acknowledge truth that doesn't match their preferences. While normal people can weigh events rationally and draw fair conclusions about themselves, narcissists do not. They lack the objectivity to live with reasonable insight because their need for self exaltation does not allow them to accept that their perceptions might not be the ultimate truth. Their idealized view of themselves blinds them as they try to make sense of life, particularly the elements in themselves that might be imperfect or that might require adjustments (and they never want to make adjustments).

2) When a borderline's intense emotions lead him to use projection or emotional reasoning ("feelings equal facts"), that's an unconscious lie. When we are gripped by a strong emotion that doesn't fit the circumstances, we interpret what is happening in a way that fits with the emotions we are feeling instead of the facts presented to us. In other words, we seek to confirm what we already feel and ignore new evidence that does not fit, maintain or justify the emotion. We all do it, but people people with BPD (who see things in black and white and have unstable, intense emotions) do it to a greater degree.

And as if that weren't enough, lingering negative feelings about other issues make one more likely to see negative intent. People with BPD tend to remember every hurt "done to them" as though it happened yesterday. Their false conclusions lead to problematic decisions and behaviors since they're always assuming the worst. They also project their own feelings onto others, so their "You hate me," means "I hate myself." These are untruths, but not really overt lies (as damaging as they may be).

It's hard to tell the difference between a conscious lie and a conscious one. A man says, "It is like we both walk into the same movie theater. I thought that we entered into see the same movie. We sit together. We enter and leave at the same time. But afterwards, I learned that what she saw was entirely different from me, even though we sat and watched the same movie. Her version is no where even close to mine."

What Clinicians Say About Lying and BPD

In the essay "Lies and Their Deception" in the same book, Lying, Cheating, and Carrying On, Clarence Watson, JD, MD pulls no punches when he says, (p. 98):

Given that a BPD hallmark is interpersonal relationships that alternate between idealization and devaluation, the person with BPD may distort facts aimed at the person with whom they desire a personal relationship.

Whether through attempts to draw persons into [intense and rocky interpersonal] relationships or viscously attack another during episodes of the extreme rage associated with perceived abandonment-the borderline personality may use lies and deceitfulness to accomplish these objectives.

Impulsivity and poor impulse control, he writes, means they may not consider the impact of their words before they speak. "In the moment, their desired objective, whatever that may be, takes such precedence over speaking the truth or behaving honestly that the potential consequences of their conduct are reduced to shadowy details."

Other reasons for lack of truth-telling

Some statements may start out as deliberate lies; over time, they become real (the old saying, "Tell a lie often enough and it becomes the truth"). Some statements may be exaggerations, such as a woman accusing her husband of "strangling her" when he touched her neck. People with BPD--especially the conventional type--may judge themselves harshly and expect others to do the same. Lying serves to deflect shame when something might make them look bad, thereby maintaining whatever self-esteem they have on a temporary basis.

This backfires on those people with BPD who then feel worse for having lied (or at least being found out).We all have things about ourselves we would prefer others not know. But we see the good and the bad and hope others do, too. With their black and white world and rejection sensitivity, people with BPD believe that anything "bad" would make others reject them.

Lies may create drama and gain attention. One woman lied that she had been raped to get her boyfriend's attention when he had not been paying enough attention to her.Lies may mask real feelings and put up an impressive façade; this is especially common with invisible BPs.Lies may help make sense of why things happen to them in their mixed-up identity.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Some lies maintain the facade of the False Self: the perfect, superior self the narcissist thinks she is or pretends to be. On a more conscious level, lies are central to:

* Staying in power and keeping things under control

* Keeping the flow of narcissistic supply (adulation by others, which are like ambrosia to the NP)

* Satisfying the grandiose, entitled self

* Avoiding any shame if their status is not as high in reality as they think it should be

* Minimizing the onerous possibility of having to concern himself with your needs.

A Few Examples from Partners

* "He lied consistently about his earnings even in the face of documentary evidence."

"* She told me she had cancer when she didn't."

* "He lied consistently for at least a decade regarding fidelity. He used gaslighting techniques to convince me that I was imagining 'missing' condoms from packs in our bedroom."

* "She denied verbal abuse, telling me that, 'I never called you names when anyone else was listening.'"

* "He refused to say where he was going, where he had been, or when he intended to return home--even when doing so was simply to facilitate normal family life-mealtimes, etc. His most oft-used sentence was 'That'll never be known.'"

* "He lied about his history of dyslexia, even when it would have helped our sons with the same problem."

* "She said she had a night class when she went to a hotel weekly with another man."

So how can someone consciously lie like this? NPs have no empathy. They require narcissistic supply--what's a little lie when your very survival, is at stake? And besides, they think, rules apply to other people. Under these circumstances, telling falsehoods is probably uncomplicated and effortless. Watson says, "Overall, their frank manipulation of others may be part of a 'by hook or by crook; mentality to accomplish their goals."

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Twenty-Four: Delete ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: The Future is Wild ] [ AO3 Link ]

...it’s time.

So many months of planning, and years before that of yearning, have led to this moment. Sasuke has patiently bided his time at the scientist’s side, awaiting the perfect opportunity to make his dream a reality:

He, and as many others as he can manage...are going to escape this horrible place.

For decades, the man he knows only as Orochimaru has been employed by their government to create monstrosities: genetically engineered humans with supposedly impossible powers, something straight out of science fiction. Whether it’s men with super strength, bulletproof subdermal skin, or even people that can see through walls...he’s been paid untold numbers of dollars to take the human genome and twist it into fantastical creations...all to suit the need of their country for super soldiers, spies, and other roles. For years he’s spliced and manipulated their specie into things unrecognizable as human...while others are meant to blend unseen, their powers unknown.

Sasuke himself is one of them, a member of the Sharingan project line. Able to see and react to the world around him at speeds most humans can only dream of, he’s also engineered with extreme levels of physical fitness, and the ability to copy what he sees almost perfectly.

He’s one of Orochimaru’s pets. Just like the one Sasuke calls his big brother: the iteration of the Sharingan project before him, deemed a failure due to an immunodeficiency. Once the madman realized Sasuke’s attachment to him...he instead became a source of emotional blackmail. Motivation for him to never disobey his creator, lest something happen to his precious brother. A whim could see him terminated like all the others deemed a failed project before them.

...Sasuke couldn’t let that happen.

So, for years now, he’s served as Orochimaru’s right hand alongside a few other trusted members of the staff. Only one man outranks him: one Yakushi Kabuto, a man obsessed with both Orochimaru and his work.

In truth...it sickens Sasuke. At first, he’d been unable to comprehend. He was a child, after all. But now...now he knows the sick lengths the man goes to in order to manipulate human DNA until it reaches something to his liking.

In a way...he’s a genius. Never has evolution been so guided and forced. But all Sasuke can see is the way his work is abused...and the disgusting pleasure he seems to take in each new creation.

The latest project, however, was exactly what Sasuke had been waiting for: the Byakugan. Humans able to concentrate their vision so narrowly, they can see through nearly any solid object. While Sasuke might not fully comprehend the science, he doesn’t have to. This...is their ticket out.

Someone who can see through the entire facility. Who can lead them to the surface, to freedom…! With Sasuke at their helm, he knows they can make it. Already he has a small group in mind to take with him. He can’t save them all...not yet. But maybe, if they make it out, they can get the place thrown into the public eye, disbanded, destroyed…!

...first, however...they have to escape.

Since her creation, Sasuke has been subtly guiding the first Byakugan specimen - at first simply called B1 - to his side. Treating her better, kindling the human side of her Orochimaru has been attempt to suppress and restrain. But he had to be careful. Be too forward, and he risked revealing his interference. Be too subtle...and she might not trust him, or prefer him.

But now, he’s sure she’s finally ready.

Hinata. The name he gave her. She’s now almost fully versed in language. She understands complex concepts, as confirmed by Orochimaru and his team. Soon enough, she would begin training for her ultimate purpose: a spy able to see into areas denied her physically with eyes that can pierce almost any wall. Not only that, but her vision is nearly three hundred and sixty-five degrees. Without moving her eyes, she can see in nearly any direction, for far greater distances than any human.

The scientist had estimated, at her growth rate, she’d soon reach distances of nearly twenty kilometers.

As far as Sasuke is concerned, that’s plenty far. He has no idea how far below ground they are, only that they are, indeed, subterranean. All they need now is Hinata to guide them to the surface. He knows it won’t be easy. Even if they manage to be stealthy, this place crawls with guards. To escape with Hinata and the other four he has chosen, they’ll likely have to resort to some kind of violence before they make it.

...he’s willing to do anything to get them out.

Anything.

Escorting Hinata back to her cell, Sasuke asks, “How was your training today?”

“It was good. I think I met all expectations,” is her quiet reply.

They both know the purpose of this banter. They’ll reach her quarters, and then have their supposed block for working on her language. And it’s then they’ll exchange words. He needs to tell her they’re ready...and she needs to agree.

All of this work befriending and convincing her comes down to this. For their freedom. His freedom. Itachi’s freedom.

...and to put a stop to all of this.

There are three cameras in her room, all equipped to record audio. So, the pair have designed their own kind of sign language: subtle physical cues with their hands, faces, and shoulders that communicate the true meaning behind their meetings.

“Tell me more about your day.”

Tomorrow night. Midnight. Be ready.

“I was assigned new tasks, to observe various creatures in a room in the neighboring facility.”

I am ready. How many will go with us?

“What did you see?”

Four beyond us. Most have combat training. One has subdermal armor.

“I could see their movements, observe their behavior. It was...peaceful. I want to do it again.”

I have a route planned. Did you find the override code?

“Maybe you will. We’ll see what Orochimaru has planned, B1. For now, you should rest.”

I did. I’ll input on our way out. Everything will be deleted. All will be lost. This won’t happen again.

Hinata gives a practiced smile. “I will. Goodnight, Sasuke.”

“Goodnight, B1.”

Sasuke then does his rounds, checking on several other projects. Of them, his chosen three are also signaled. One more day. Be ready. Be patient. Be prepared for anything...even dying.

Better to die, they reply, than stay here any longer.

Last he sees is Itachi. The previous Sharingan prodigy gives a soft smile. “Ah, you’re back. It’s been a while.”

Is it time?

“I’m sorry...we’ve been busy.”

Tomorrow night. Then you’ll be free.

“That’s quite all right. I’m not much fun to be around.”

WE will be free. A life to do with as we please.

“Don’t give me that. You’re plenty fun.”

And we’ll find you a doctor.

“Well...at least you think so. But it’s late, you should turn in.”

“You too, brother.”

It’s then Sasuke moves to the server room to log his day and observations. Easy enough to do with a photographic memory. As he types, he looks around the room, seeing the master computer at the head of it. There...there he’ll input the override code. Then all of Orochimaru’s research - all of his bastardized science - will be deleted. Sent to the digital void where it belongs. Never again will be create another unfortunate soul bound to his will, or the government’s. His work will be a thing of the past - a haunting memory for those who get out alive.

And they will get out alive.

...he’ll make sure of it.

But...he must be patient. As itching as it is to begin, they have one more night. Orochimaru’s therapy for his injured arms will take place, and painkillers administered. Then more than any other night he’ll be too tired to stop them. They’ll align the stars themselves, and forge their own fate.

Just a little longer.

Then all of this will be over...like a bad dream.

                                                             .oOo.

     More scifi verse! A bit of a...transitional piece. I wanted to write the breakout, but I had a long day, and wrote a LOT more than usual, so I'm a lil burnt out - next time!      But yeah, this is a followup to days 171 and 196! I'm usually not a big scifi person, but...I'm liking this verse, lol - I'll hopefully get to do more soon, depending on how the prompts roll out!      Anyway, my eyes are screamin', so time for bed lol - thanks for reading!

[prorevenge]

Professor attempts to destroy my education!

Disclaimer:

It was my first time (when I posted this first in r\MaliciousCompliance) in Reddit altogether. Did not even know about ProRevenge. They have mentioned that my story might belong here. So please do let me know if it does not. I will remove it.  

English is my second language and I am a IT Professional, which means I do not get to practice writing in English all that much. So any punctuation, grammatical or any other errors, including overuse of exclamation mark can hopefully be forgiven.

TL;DR at the bottom.  

In my adopted motherland, I am a religious minority. I am a proud citizen now of this land who immigrated here. And stereotyping while not very common, but not uncommon here. And this story is from my college life.

It was one of my programming course that college hired a new professor for. Although I am a religious minority and the professor was from a different religion (which also, technically a religious minority in this land) that did not really mesh up well, I did not (as I still do not) care at all! You see, I myself am not much religious and my point of view about religion is from the prospective of (social) science. I believe my first religion is Humanity! Everything else is just a label!

So, back to the story, This professor was teaching us the basics of C++ (as the course was the Intro to C++) and during the final, he gave us a Final project that either counted as the entire final or a major portion of the final exam (can't recall the exact details since it was about 13 years ago). Once the project was done, we email it to him and he grades it. I do that and wait for my grade. It was Spring semester and Summer brake/session is about to begin.

Now, another bit of info here, if in a course, you get an "F" (for Failing), the following semester, you can take the course back again and if you pass, that "F" gets erased from your record and you are on your merry way toward your degree. BUT for some reason, (like if you do not submit your final project), you get an "I" (Incomplete) and now you have "X amount of time to Complete that work" so that "I" can be transformed into a grade. I am not too sure now, but I believe if you retake the entire course again, you get a grade but that "I" stays with you and goes to your Transcript/Diploma. It is extremely frowned upon and may hinder your graduation!

So, after waiting a few weeks for the semesters' result, I see I got an "I"! Immediately I emailed the professor asking why I got an I! No response! I call his office number... No response! I go to the department, they tells me that the professor have notated in my record (as I guess it was customary to do so)  that I have not submitted my Final project and hence the "I". To which I fumed up and stated that I had indeed sent my final project using our College email system. But the department states since I am within "Y" days of that "X amount of Days" (before I need to take care of that "I") and since the professor went back to his motherland for a month, I should wait for him to return and he is the only one that can reverse the "I" from my grade! They mentioned that He probably somehow missed my email containing my final project. The department assured me that once he is back from his country, they will instruct him to fix this and notify me of it.  

I waited for his return till the very last week of that "X amount of Days". He did not come back! So that week, I went back to the department and stated my case. They mentioned that since he was not back, they will email him to get some form of "OK.. I received his email with the project and I see that either he passed or failed, he gets a grade!" The Comp Sci department CC's me on that email. To my utter disbelief, that professor emails back the department chair (I am still CC'ed on it) that he went back to the email and checked! And he got NOTHING from me! So that "I" stays! He explicitly states that "I" (for Incomplete) stays!

At this point I began to fume so much so that I went back to my Department chair and the department chair now wants me to prove that I sent him that on THAT particular time (right before the end of Final). I login to the email account and I dig through and find the email; showing it in the "Sent" box. Department chair replies to that professor that the chairman concurs that I indeed sent that email to the professor. To which then, the professor replies "It may very well be, but you know how sometimes although the email is sent, it does not arrive at the recipients inbox! so I did not get it!" And right after that email, the professor now goes silent and does not respond back to the chairs' emails! every time I send an email, especially when as important as the college final project (since we are supposed to only use the email address that the college provided) when I sent the project from the college email, I also CC'ed my personal email on that! I show the receipt email from my personal email and department chair agrees that the email was indeed sent!  

By this point, I am extremely desperate to overturn that "I". I will take an "F" if needed, but that "I" will hurt my education.

I was extremely popular in our college circuit; so much so that (our college was under a "Chain Education" system  and I will not mention any names here; that had more than 20 different Colleges/Universities all across this city!) I knew the head honcho, the Chancellor and the college president very much and very well!

Now, on the last day, I go to the College president as well as the Chancellor! show them the proof and state my case (I might have mentioned to them that I am in the process of getting a Lawyer as I feel that this is a clear, blatant and extreme prejudice against me and may very well be racially motivated!)! They agrees that the professors' behavior contained a negative intent toward me by giving me an "I" and not a grade that can be the either of "A, B, C, D or F". I also lodge a formal complaint against the professor right then and there! They immediately instructs my department chair to take my project and grade it and then change that "I". Now you gotta understand that this was not a norm! The Chair does that and I end up getting an "A".

When someone becomes a professor for the first time, the first year or so are their Probationary period and if they do not make much splash, they can become permanent. And now, the Chancellor and the President of my college decides that it's  in the University's best interest not to retain that professor any longer! Simply put, they FIRED his ASS!!!

I get my grade, I am happy! Summer ends. A new "Winter Session" is about to begin and I get an email in my personal as well as college email account from that very same professor! Lo and behold! He apologizes to me for his behavior without directly admitting his prejudiced action toward me and asks me to withdraw my complaint so he can attempt to get his Job back!!!!  

I CC that email to the department chair, the college president and the Chancellor  and reply to him that "I will not withdraw my complaint at all and he is lucky that I did not involve my lawyer for the serious harm that he intended to cause me! And I wish and pray that he never gets another chance to teach again; in the event that he might try to ruin another students' life!"

I graduated from that institution so long ago... but of all the great memories, the few sad ones, this sticks out to me!

TL;DR: Professor tries to ruin my education life due to the religious differences; ends up ruining his own career!

EDIT:

Many asked the question Why do I think it was due to religious differences?

Answer: I am damn good at computers and maths. So it certainly was not for the lack of my education! I was the only one from my faith. Now I have to admit, that professor didn't say anything directly negative toward me while in class (as far as I can recall ; it's been more than 13 years since that class). But why only me getting an "I" from the entire class?! Because even if he counted the other grades and ignored the final project, I still wouldn't have failed). But what else could be the reason?! Maybe I didn't pay enough attention to his daughter (joking here! I don't even know if he had one)?!

Now some context of the grading: 99.99 percent of the students gets a grade like A, B, C, D, or F. But the ones that gets an "I" for incomplete it turns into an "I F". Means Incomplete Failure. When you finish your curriculum, you get your transcript, and when you Complete the entire degree requirement, you get your diploma and get to Graduate! That "I" and then "I F" would probably have denied me my Diploma! What good does a transcript do in job interviews without the physical diploma?!

(source) (story by bebgaltiger18)

[shidoukanae]

Ryoken Kogami/Revolver Character Analysis (Part 1)

Let me preface this by saying that, truly, I despise Ryoken’s character. I hold a variety of reasons why I hate him (and let’s just say that the fandom does not help) but for the sake of this analysis, I’m going to ignore my bias as much as I can. The fandom constantly pushes Ryoken as such a great and majestic character that I can’t help but think it must be true, if only to some degree. So, for the sake of sating my own curiosity, I’m going to go through literally every episode with Ryoken ever in order to try and piece together what makes him such a beloved and idolized character in this fandom.

This includes extensively and exhaustingly peeking through canon and critiquing what is said, and what is not said, what works, and what doesn’t about Ryoken’s character. In order to achieve this, I’m going to painstakingly write this analysis first as an episode by episode critique of Ryoken’s character (and its build-up) and then, afterwards, I’m going to piece together the pieces to summarize what is, objectively, the outcome of Ryoken’s character. My goal in this is not to appease any one side of the fandom (whether one loves Ryoken or hates him) but to sincerely discover what the VRAINS canon defines his character as and whether or not he’s as great as the fandom suggests he is.

So, that all said, let’s start with episode 1:

Episode 1 literally starts with Revolver’s (Ryoken’s, same diff) introduction. And, I must say, this introduction is done spectacularly. It’s a bit confusing the first time around, but it works. We see from the beginning what Revolver wants in life – the Cyberse and, therefore, the Ignises, gone from the world. Already, we start his character strong: he has a motive which he wants to fulfill and is working to succeed in his goals.

And, when Ai escapes, he continues to pursue those goals by persistently insisting on the destruction of the last Ignis. If Revolver lacked in determination, he wouldn’t have bothered to send his “army” off to kill the Ignis. Revolver shows no mercy to his opponents, and that is already highlighted here within the very first minutes of the show.

Now, moving on, the next scene that Ryoken shares some importance in is with Spectre a couple more minutes into the episode. There’s been a time skip, obviously, but, even so, Revolver’s mission hasn’t changed: he wants the Ignises. Why, for now, is unclear but that’s not the point of this scene. The point, rather, is to establish a variety of things:

For one, that Revolver has a relationship with a man (ok well boy) named “Spectre”. For another, Revolver is doggedly tracking down the Ignis and yet has failed for a time frame of 5 years. That’s a long time to have made not any progress in and it’s almost....unimpressive even. For Revolver, I mean. Because, after all, Revolver is leader of the Knights of Hanoi, an already-established terrifying hacker group. And, even then, it’s him (+ Spectre and the Hanoi Family and Kogami and the Knights of Hanoi) against one Ignis – how has Ai managed to survive one year much less five?

I know the Ignises are established in canon as a super advanced race of sentient beings but…even still…I feel like Ai having been able to avoid them this long is stupendously impressive, honestly.)

But, moving on from mid-writing tangents, there’s also a third part to this second scene: Revolver’s introduction to Playmaker. Granted, it’s not in person, but it’s still very much important. Revolver is made aware of the fact that Playmaker is interfering in his business and, while it’s a reasonable nuisance to him, Revolver waives it off because Playmaker’s name means so little to him at this point.

There’s also a fourth point too, but it’s very minor here. That point being that Revolver knows of SOL and seems to detest them for reasons that, again, are not made apparent quite yet in the show.

The next scene with Revolver isn’t very important. Revolver is watching over SOL’s actions as the security scan begins and then takes action to capture the Ignis (who he believes and accurately predicts will flee). Not much to note here other than the fact that Ryoken is prepared and ready at a moment’s notice to fulfill his ambitions.

Episode 2:

“We spent years getting rid of Cyberse users...but there’s still one left?”

Users is an interesting choice of word, considering that it’s the monsters that Ryoken’s talking about, not actual duelists who use Cyberse monsters, according to later episodes. Then again, this whole sentence is worded so weirdly I can’t make heads or tails of it considering what we know about how the Cyberses were created. Maybe this was an earlier idea that was scrapped? Or, perhaps, it’s just an awkwardly translated/phrased sentence considering what we know 40+ episodes later.

[Context here since this is relevant to a much later episode: The Ignises created the Cyberse monsters. It was never stated that these monsters were given to anyone else (nor explained how Playmaker himself got his cards). However, somehow both Takeru and Bowman have them. The latter likely does because of Hal and the stealing of the Ignises technology after the destruction of the Cyverse. The former you can say because he’s one of the Six Kids and it’s to be expected at this point, I guess. However, if the Lost Kids have Cyberse monsters and are therefore “users”...how is Takeru a Cyberse user if there’s only one left (aka Playmaker)? Did he somehow get under the radar this entire time? I have questions, show.]

Surprisingly, this is the only scene Revolver shows up in (unless I skipped something? I never once heard Revolver’s voice after this and I didn’t see him either so idk). It’s not much, but it does explain some things, however confusing this sentence is.

For one: Revolver does not want the Cyberse type to exist and apparently has eliminated any that do exist to the point that is surprised that there is “still one left”. Talk about going to the furthest extent to reach your goals, geez. If anything, this shows even more that Revolver is dogged about tracking down his prey, doing as much as possible to eliminate those who stand with the Ignises and in his way...

Episode 3:

There’s two parts to this episode involving Revolver, but the first one is obvious: Revolver sensing the Ignises presence from within the Link VRAINS world.

Now, I’ll admit, this scene is very well done and just…eerie. You have Yusaku and Shoichi freaking out as the world “glitches” and then Ryoken flies into view on his ace monster, red eventually painting the background as he looks menacingly into the camera.

I have many questions on how exactly Revolver knew that the Ignis was around that exact location. I don’t recall canon ever giving a proper explanation for this scene (except for “Link Sense” on Yusaku’s side and a lost “connection” on Ryoken’s side) but, given Revolver’s lack of a special sixth sense, I’m going to say that Ai’s malfunctioning led to some sort of signal flare that led Ryoken directly to the same area as Yusaku. How this works, I have no fucking clue. Perhaps Link VRAINS overlaps Den City somehow and, when these two things “merge”, a signal given off in the real world can be usurped and expressed in the digital world as well? I don’t know, and I doubt canon will ever explain, either.

Moving on, we’re introduced officially to Revolver as the Leader of the Knights of Hanoi. This does little except to confirm earlier suspicions that Revolver is, indeed, the commander of the Knights of Hanoi. Please, please, please keep this fact in mind because I know for a fact it’s going to be important later and impact so much of Revolver’s character.

Next scene with Revolver is more establishment. The connection to the Ignis is cut and, unable to find the thing he wants to destroy most. We see Revolver frustrated and…can I say, almost angry at himself for failing? It doesn’t come off that way directly, but that’s the general sense I’m getting from him.

Dr. Kogami is introduced next, though we know little about him at the moment. Revolver inquires to him about a “new project”, to which Dr. Kogami explains he needs more time. It can be speculated that this project is likely the Cage of Fire card seen later on in the show, though tbh the project really doesn’t feel much important here except as foreshadowing for later on.

“I don’t think they’re capable of analyzing the Ignis. But I don’t want to give them too much time.”

“I know. If you can draw out Playmaker, you’re certainly capable of defeating him.”

Then, there’s also an interesting back and forth between Revolver and Dr. Kogami. Revolver doesn’t want Playmaker to discover the Ignises’ secrets, so he wants to defeat Playmaker as soon as possible. In other words, Revolver wants to rush his way to the Ignis, seeing Playmaker as an obstacle he must defeat in order to reach his goal.

Cont. on from above:

[Alarm bell rings]

“I’ll leave now.” -Revolver

“Thank you.” -Kogami

[Transitions to Ryoken. Ryoken approaches his father and holds his hand]

“I promise to fulfill my father’s wishes.”

In hindsight, this is actually powerful. At the time, most of the fandom didn’t associate Dr. Kogami with the man in the bed. Now, however, there’s something almost bittersweet about this scene. Ryoken is showing his dedication to his father by attending to him in the real world, keeping him alive while promising to help aid his father’s wishes into fruition.

There’s also almost a kind of respect between the father and son with the first part of the exchange. Kogami depends on Revolver to keep his body alive and healthy, but he doesn’t at all force Revolver to attend to him. Instead, Revolver seems to take initiative, having an alarm system set in place that warns him of his father’s condition. And, when Revolver takes his leave, Kogami thanks him not as if it’s expected of Ryoken, but almost as if he felt Revolver was doing it of his own free will and that Kogami should show his thanks to Ryoken even despite the father-son boundary.

There’s nothing bad or abusive or inherently evil about Revolver’s and Kogami’s interactions. Instead, it seems like an odd and awkward balance. Dr. Kogami is Revolver’s father, a figure of power in Revolver’s, and yet we’re shown that he’s dependent on Revolver, needing him in the real world to keep his body and mind in-tact. On Revolver’s side, we see a wish to help his father, a desperate need to do his best to give his father piece of mind. They are also very much on the same page, referring to a “project” that Revolver is not kept away from and from which Dr. Kogami doesn’t try to hide from him.

I got the feeling that, in a way, both of Kogami and Revolver are on equal terms, both trying to reach the same goal but only in the ways that they themselves can do it in. Kogami is a mass of virtual bits and pieces so, naturally, he knows how to use Link VRAINS to his advantage as a hacker. Revolver is the leader of the Knights of Hanoi, a terrorist group so, naturally, he can use his numbers to help him find Playmaker and weed the man out. It’s a very interesting dynamic that I wish, in hindsight, was explored a little bit more because it certainly seems like this dynamic could have proved very interesting had we seen it more fleshed out.

[Ahhh, update on this. Apparently, it’s expected in Eastern culture for family members to take care of each other when they’re ailing. Therefore, it’s actually more believable for Kogami to expect Revolver to care of him. It doesn’t mean that Revolver isn’t still taking care of Kogami out of his own free will, but it’s definitely also a cultural aspect I was unaware of. Thanks to @haawkgirl for pointing this out to me!) 

Episode 1-3 conclusion:

Is it too late to say that I really like how the show reveals Ryoken within the first 3 set of episodes? I actually don’t despise him at all here and still can’t despise him here despite loathing his character. He’s set up really well as this mysterious yet sympathetic villain and it’s such a great depiction. I can see why people like him from these episodes alone and can agree with the sentiment that he’s a Very Intriguing character at this stage in time.

However, that said, episodes 1-3 are the only episodes that ever made a strong impact on me in terms of Revolver’s character. Moving on from these episodes, I can’t guarantee that I’ll think any highly of him from here on out. My goal is to remain unbiased as I continue this analysis, but that won’t stop me from pointing out flaws, virtues, and what could have, perhaps, been done better.

Next up: Episodes 6-8

[cleverflowerperson-blog]

The Flash: Screenwriters X Public (part II)

Why are not Caitlin and Iris friends?

This is the simplest issue of Flash that has become one of the most complex. Because? Because the audience views Caitlin contextually rather than narratively. Feminists look at Caitlin and see a female scientist working with a superhero. So, Caitlin has to be an example and an inspiration to all the girls who watch the series. Ah! Let's not forget about women's friendships, which should be portrayed correctly, women support each other. There are those who see Caitlin as a competitor of Iris and spend all their time overvaluing Caitlin and depreciating Iris. And finally there are those, who transfers to Caitlin her animosity towards the actress, as well as her world perception of her daily battles.

I know this is a common behavior of all audiences, in any kind of project, but that's not how it works in the narratives, all the problems, frustrations and wars that originated in Caitlin could have been avoided if the public had not looked at it context of the real world, but within the narrative. To this day, in the fifth season, I still see people saying: Caitlin is my favorite character. Caitlin is the best female character in the series. Caitlin is a poorly written character. These statements are embarrassing. No kidding, they are very embarrassing, because after five years the public has not yet discovered that Caitlin is not a character. What? I said it would be violent. That's it, Caitlin Snow is not a character and never was. That's why she is not friends with Iris and is not blamed for what she does. It has nothing to do with privilege, white feminism, competition or bad writing. Incidentally, Caitlin has always been well-written, within her non-character classification, she was poorly illustrated, but never well written.

Being a non-character, Caitlin has to be confined to the narrative. His movements are calculated millimetrically. As well? A non-character is always confined to its purpose, not expanding within the narrative. This is their main characteristic. Because? Because they will be disabled when the purpose of their existence is won, and this deactivation can not do much filth. Okay, but what does this have to do with Caitlin not being friends with Iris and not being held accountable for anything? Simple, do not make dirt.

It works like this: think about Joe West. We `ll kill him. This death was going to do a lot of dirt - Barry would be devastated, Iris devastated, Wally destroyed, Cecily bitter and the other characters would feel their way. Joe's death would have a very large impact on several characters and the narrative, causing a change in the tone of the series until the audience would be traumatized. That is making dirt.

Now let's kill Caitlin; How big is dirt? Would Barry be devastated? The two have a friendship. But is THAT friendship? It's more to be sad for two episodes and life goes on, is not it? How would Iris feel about Caitlin's death? They are not friends, partners, confidants, so I think she would be more to comfort the sad ones than to be comforted. Something else? Cecilia? Is she and Caitlin? Difficult to define this relationship. Wells? Nor is it from Terra Prime. Joe? Does he see her as a daughter? I do not know. Perhaps ...? What kind of relationship does she have with Ralph? Daughter in law?

Let's be honest, Caitlin's death only affects, indeed, a character, Cisco Ramon. The others? Life goes on. That's what I'm talking about, cleanliness, a non-character does not make dirt when it's turned off. And this cleansing is only achieved by controlling the interactions. All of Caitlin's interactions with the characters, except for Cisco, are superficial. No one is able to pinpoint the type and degree of affection the characters cherish for her, of course, minus Cisco and with a lot, but a lot of strength, Barry. Try it.

So keeping Caitlin in an isolation bubble with controlled interactions is critical. Non-characters are like placentas they are important during the formation of babies after childbirth, they have to be eliminated if they otherwise infect and kill the organism. If she had apologized to Iris for Killer Frost, Iris would show resentment over what happened and a lack of confidence in Caitlin's ability to prevent it from recurring. Then Snow would have to make a way to regain this confidence which would lead them both to build an affection, in which case Iris would suffer with the deactivation of Caitlin. I'm increasing the dirt. Whatever Caitlin does wrong the team discovers, but does not react, for the same reason. If the team poses against their behavior, it will have to redeem themselves from the mistake and during this process, it will happen to build a stronger bond with them. That is, more characters suffering with their deactivation, summarizing, infecting the organism.

This is what they avoid by not creating perceptible ties between her and the characters, as well as the non-exploitation of their attitudes. I imagine they must be thinking, as Caitlin may be a non-character if she's been in the narrative for five years. It's a long time for a non-character to remain active. And they are correct, it was already for Caitlin to be disabled since the second season. But as I said, the first season of Flash was a mess. You know what the Barry Allen mess was, now I'm going to show Caitlin Snow's involvement in this mess.

  Why was Caitlin Snow so exploited in Season 1 and Season 2?

Now that everyone already knows that Caitlin is not a character, that she is a placenta, I assume that everyone should know who the baby was, who should be nourished by this placenta. Yes. For those who said Killer Frost. She was the target, they had grand plans for her. They planned it for an overwhelming third season, but it all went wrong. Because? Caitlin Snow.

Killer Frost's problem was that Caitlin Snow's illustration was completely wrong. Actors are illustrators of scripts. The script does not bring the depth of pain, the intensity of tears the extent of love, all emotional facets are the illustrators they provide. Writers are heavily dependent on the actors because the scripts are just words, so they make sense the illustration has to be appropriate. And that's exactly where Caitlin Snow is a failure. And also because I always say that Caitlin was never poorly written, she was poorly illustrated.

The actress failed to lead audiences in understanding her narrative. Caitlin needed subtleties to imply to the audience that there was more to it than it seemed. Killer Frost would be in those subtleties. Like Nora West-Allen. She's cute, but everyone knew there was something wrong with her. The public trusted, suspicious. Caitlin had to have this same energy. But that is not what happened. I'm going to do a review of her narrative in the first season, a little different from what you've done about it, so you can visualize it.

For those who have not noticed all the bad that happened in Caitlin's life is related to Flash. Ronnie died for the first time, because Harrison Wells blew the throttle to create Flash. She had her career ruined by her mentor, who was only using it to bring Flash to life. Ronnie came back with a gigantic and unsolved problem, it would forever be a goal, as so many others have been sacrificed to get Flash. Flash decided to travel back in time to save his mother, did not, and even created a singularity, which he could not solve. Which ultimately led to Ronnie's death.

From this perspective it becomes clear, that Caitlin's narrative goal was to produce the motivation of Killer Frost, that is, to justify her hatred for Flash. Each event: Ronnie's death, return, and ultimate death were bred to break Caitlin, they needed her ravaged, raw. Imagine if the great love of your life dies at the height of the relationship and leaves nothing, not a grave to carry flowers. And you live this pain for months. When you are learning to live with this pain, it comes back, can you calculate the joy and how blessed do you feel with a gift of this magnitude? We already loose rockets when it finds an object that already had given as lost, imagines our love, that love. Then suddenly he dies again, and like the other time, without a grave to weep. What a funny joke. If it was to take again, why brought back, why such perversity? What evil did you do to deserve this? This was Caitlin's tone, but the actress did not sell it.

What they were applying was the logic of proportionality, the more Caitlin's pain was, the more cruel Killer Frost was, the more devastated she was, the more insensitive Killer Frost would be, the more bitter Caitlin was, the more perverse Killer Frost would be. And they needed an insane Killer Frost.

However, an illustration was unfortunate, Caitlin's apathy was boring. Is one able to measure the impact of these events, in their amplitude, on it? What was the size of her love for Ronnie? If they had people looking at their heart for Barry, and one of Snowbarry's twos, or both, this love was outdated (it was not big enough to do damage) or it was not noticeable to the public (it was irrelevant). A wasted writing. 23 episodes creating a motivation and the audience did not even connect with the story.

At no moment did Caitlin glance casually at Barry, or laughed triumphantly as he witnessed their failures, and there were many. Caitlin was the usual, pessimistic and slightly melancholic. The actress did not create an environment for Killer Frost to be born. That was the reason for the writers' stress on her. They hoped the actress would understand that Caitlin needed to be a sea, with hangovers, tsunamis and tsunamis because only then would Killer Frost be powerful and incredible as they needed. And what did they get? Caitlin, a nice and tedious lake.

So responding to the question asked, Caitlin's reason for being so exploited in the first and second seasons (because they made a second attempt, now with Jay) was because their emotions were important to bequeathing the evil nature of Killer Frost.

 To be continued...

Original source https://omundonarrativa.tumblr.com/

[oldadastra]

Where do we go from here? A look back and a speculative look ahead in the wake of The Last Jedi

Now that The Last Jedi has finally arrived, I wanted to take a look back at some of the analysis and speculative essays I wrote over the past two years to see how those ideas fit (or don’t fit) into the story Rian Johnson has given us, and what surprised me most about the character revelations in TLJ. I’ll use these ideas as a springboard to look ahead to where the saga might lead in its third act, and since I love speculation as much as the next fan, I’ll wrap this essay up with a crack theory.

All this is spoiler-intensive, of course, and this got long-ass, so...

Looking back

In what remains my primary analysis of the new saga, I argued that we can safely assume the new saga is telling a redemption story for its main character, Ben Solo; not only because redemption is a primary theme in Star Wars, but also because that’s the kind of story Adam Driver would be interested in telling, based upon his own personal story and the work he and Joann Tucker are doing through their non-profit, Arts In the Armed Forces.

I delved into what appeared to be conflicting canon accounts of Snoke’s influence on young Ben, how much this interference might have affected Ben’s agency in his fall to the dark side, and the degree to which the storytellers were willing to embrace a storyline in which the main character has been subjected to abuse at the hands of a villain able to intrusively enter and influence his thoughts.

I asked questions about what might really have happened to destroy Luke Skywalkers’ Jedi training program, and presented the argument that things did not go in the way we were invited to believe in The Force Awakens.

Finally, I examined Leia’s role in the fall of her son, how politics in the galaxy far far away may have influenced his fall, and how the broken saga can reach a meaningful conclusion after Carrie Fisher’s death.

Where do we stand now?

Clearly, Ben Solo will be redeemed.

The clues were there in The Force Awakens, and Rian Johnson’s Last Jedi went further than my wildest dreams in the presentation of Ben Solo as a sympathetic character. Those of us who came out of The Force Awakens two years ago saying, “Save Ben Solo” were…in the minority. This is no longer the case.

I’m taking some pleasure in having been half-right in my guess about the truth of what happened when Ben fell to the dark. I’d hoped (perhaps ironically, given how I feel about the Prequels) that Ben’s turn would have been rooted in political and ideological beliefs, and may not have included any deaths at Luke’s training site, but The Last Jedi makes clear that there were fatalities there.

What surprised me the most about TLJ was the fall of Luke Skywalker. Based on the vicious condemnation of Last Jedi from certain segments of the fanbase, I was not alone in this. Knowing now that Ben Solo didn’t so much fall to the dark as he was pulled by Snoke, and pushed by Luke, the circumstances of his departure from Luke’s tutelage have to be seen in a different, morally ambiguous light, and Adam Driver’s repeated statements that he has been playing Kylo/Ben as a character who believes he is right make perfect sense now.  

 Looking ahead

Much like The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi left us with mysteries and unanswered questions. Plenty of disgruntled Star Wars fans with a bloated sense of entitlement have taken this as evidence that the storytellers have no plan, that Rian Johnson ignored JJ Abrams’ work in TFA, or that the saga as presented in The Last Jedi is somehow, absurdly, “not Star Wars.” 

I have no patience for people who present themselves as fans and then proceed to sh*t on the work of the thousands of people involved in bringing Star Wars to life. I’m making a conscious effort in this essay not to write in rebuttal to people lobbing hate at the Last Jedi, but let me just say this: The Last Jedi is part two of three. Important parts of the story are yet to be told.

Aside: I really miss Carrie Fisher, whose acid wit would have helped cut Star Wars trolls down to size, but if nothing else, The Last Jedi tells us that we have to stand up for ourselves, even if we’re ‘nobody.’ We all have a role to play, and we can be the hero we need. I loved The Last Jedi, and I think it may be the best Star Wars movie to date. With that, let’s look ahead:

No one’s ever really gone

I’m an old, old fan of the OT, but I was never a Luke Skywalker partisan. Maybe I was distracted by Han and Leia’s relationship, but somehow Luke’s transformation from this

to this

Never quite worked for me. How did his change of heart happen so quickly and so completely? The Luke Skywalker of Return of the Jedi always struck me as, frankly, a bit of a sanctimonious prick.  

The bitter, disillusioned Luke who has isolated himself on Ahch-To is the most human and relatable version of this character I have encountered, and I love him.

I was surprised that Rian Johnson made Luke’s fall the central sin of The Last Jedi, but in no way does this make me think less of Luke as a character, nor does it seem that Luke acted out of character in either the backstory to Ben’s fall, or in his confrontation with Ben at the end of TLJ. Grief and guilt motivated his self-imposed exile. Was there anger there, too? At himself? At the Force? In any event, his parting line to Leia, “No one’s ever really gone,” is true at many levels. Luke is speaking about Ben. Mark is talking about Carrie. Luke is talking about himself.

Fans who just think that Luke Skywalker died in TLJ have missed the point. Luke was so broken by his role in Ben’s fall that he cut himself off from the force. He found this connection again, used it to save the spark of the rebellion, made the first connection back to Ben since their falling out (and incidentally, held his nephew back from acts which would have sent him further into the dark), and finally became one with the force and ascended as a true Jedi master; filled with peace and purpose. It’s beautiful!

And it’s not the end.  Luke Skywalker will still have an important role to play in episode IX. I’m sure of it.

Claudia Gray’s Bloodline and The last Jedi

The Last Jedi did not directly address what we learned about galactic politics and Leia’s relationship with Ben during the timeframe of Claudia Gray’s Bloodline. I was surprised by this in my first viewing of TLJ, but from a storytelling standpoint, I understand how including these details would have required additional exposition in a way that didn’t fit within the structure of the film. What is implied in Bloodline about the events leading to Ben’s fall complements the version of the tale we hear in TLJ without adding detail which the audience didn’t need at this time, and which may unfold in episode IX.

Luke senses the darkness rising in Ben and goes to confront him: Based upon what we know from Bloodline, this confrontation probably took place at the end of a long day (or days) following the revelation that Ben is the grandson of Darth Vader (and Master Luke is Vader’s son!). I can imagine the chaos and turmoil this created within the small group of Luke and his students. Luke, in his moment of weakness, mistakes Snoke’s darkness for Ben’s, and contemplates his murder. Ben fights back against the threat to his life, and then battles with those who saw him strike down their master. He escapes in the company of his friends. Luke tells us he had a dozen students, plus Ben. If we want a body count at the end of what people called the “jedi massacre,” I’m going to say it stands at about five, and we have no idea how many of those were killed by the fearsome Kylo Ren.

The Knights of Ren

It’s obvious who they are now, yes? I’d hoped we would meet the Knights in The Last Jedi, but this is a pleasure that will have to wait until Episode IX.

Luke mentions them so briefly, you could almost miss it. Ben “vanished with a handful of my students and slaughtered the rest.”  

Adam Driver almost let slip who they are in an old interview from 2015, when he said, “It was a group that existed before him, that he was a part of.”

The Knights are Ben’s fellow students from Luke’s training project. If people are still doubtful about whether the storytellers have an overall plan, let me remind you that this image of the knights, mysteriously titled, “the seven light,” was part of The Force Awakens pre-production artwork as early as November of 2013.

Why didn’t the Knights appear in The Last Jedi? Because the storytellers haven’t had time to get to them, and Ben didn’t need them yet. In universe, little more than a week has elapsed since the opening crawl of The Force Awakens. 

Why am I confident we’ll see them in Episode IX? Because Ben, as the newly-minted Supreme Leader of the First Order, is going to need trusted allies to help him hold onto power. The Knights, Ben’s Jedi-trained friends who were willing to follow him into the dark, are easily the most promising set of characters we have yet to meet in the new saga.

This illustration from The Art of The Last Jedi gives me hope that at least one of Ben’s Knights is a girl.

It would make me even happier if not all of them are human. The FO, like the Empire before it, has a bias against non-humans, and seeing the new Supreme Leader surround himself with enforcers and advisors who defy the racist norms of the FO makes me happy just thinking about it.

And Ben’s going to need all the help he can get. He’s surrounded by enemies in the First Order, and it was strangely easy to dispatch Snoke. Almost too easy.  

 Snoke

How is it that Snoke, a force user powerful enough to shadow Ben Solo’s life from before he was born, and so evil that a glimpse of his darkness in Ben’s mind led Jedi Master Luke Skywalker to nearly murder his sister’s son, was killed so easily in The Last Jedi? And who was Snoke, anyway?

It was too easy to kill Snoke. Ben used Snoke’s power against him to kill him in the throne room, tricking Snoke into seeing one thing while Ben did another; but even in that moment we glimpse the terrible scope of Snoke’s power. He could see everything in Ben’s mind, and it was impossible for Ben to completely hide his thoughts from Snoke. Snoke built the link between Ben and Rey in an attempt to lure Rey into his clutches, but the link survived after Snoke was gone.

This image is from The Art of The Last Jedi: 

“We’ve seen Jedi come back as blue ghosts. Maybe Sith can come back. And maybe there’s some all-powerful mastermind Sith that’s controlling whatever the dark side is. We did talk a lot about how the final frontier for Jedi might be in the spirit realm. So you have to have a bad-guy ghost.”

It’s obvious that Hux will be one of Ben’s enemies in Episode IX, but I suspect that we have not heard the last from Snoke, either. Chuck Wendig’s Aftermath novels teased Snoke’s identity, implying that he might be Gallius Rax, though that character died at the end of the book (murdered at the edge of an erupting dark force borehole on Jakku, so ‘dead’ may be from a certain point of view). Aftermath also suggests that a dark source of the force was calling to the emperor from the unknown regions, into which the Imperial remnant fled. These could just be red herrings, or they may point towards a more enduring source of darkness that is not easily defeated.

The storytellers have told us repeatedly that Snoke is a new character, but I think it’s possible he was inspired by an Old Republic Sith Emperor Vitiate, who transferred his essence from one body to another. Snoke the entity was caught by surprise by Ben’s trick (Snoke was monologuing!), and Ben got the drop on him, destroying his physical body (which frankly, already looked like a reanimated corpse). Snoke’s essence, obviously able to project itself in powerful ways, was probably not destroyed. I think there’s a high probability Snoke, or the dark force entity that was Snoke, will be back in IX. 

Ready for that crack theory? Here you go: Snoke will be back, possibly wearing a new body.

When I tossed this idea out to my daughter, her first thought was that Hux might be a receptacle for Snoke’s consciousness, but I think Hux is already well positioned to be a foil to Ben Solo’s attempt to rule the galaxy, and doesn’t need any encouragement to work against his new Supreme Leader. There is one First Order character we saw fall just moments after Snoke, though.

Like I said, Crrrrraaccckk!!!!

In any event, I think I’m safe in predicting that Ben will struggle to hold the throne he’s won, and bring old allies to his side to help him.  I think we’ll see Snoke back in some form, and there will come a point in the story when those who are presently enemies may find themselves joining forces to fight a final battle that takes place at least in part, in the spirit realm of the Force. Ben and Rey will have to work together, along with the Resistance, and force ghosts, to defeat the ultimate darkness. Luke will be back. If the storytellers love us, he won’t come alone.

Seriously. Bring all the force ghosts in IX. I want Luke. And Anakin Skywalker. And Obi-Wan Kenobi. And Yoda. And force ghost Leia. Hell, bring me all the Jedi lost in Order 66. 

Shout out and thanks to @theboywhocan11 who knows more about Star Wars lore than I ever shall, for reminding me who Vitiate was.

And yeah, I’m tagging this Reylo, because that’s how I’ve tagged all my meta, regardless of subject matter, for the past two years. I don’t care what the rest of this stupid fandom thinks.  <3

[indd40041020202021]

Mid term presentations

In some ways I wish that I could drop this grad project and just read and write about other design projects instead. I’m taking a few classes to complete my curatorial minor degree this semester and it’s really invigorated my love for writing and my opinion that design needs more critical writing and archiving (something that I love to do).  Anyway, that is what has been going through my head, as well as the pressing weight of the past year and it’s slow and arduous continuance into this one. Needless to say it has been really hard to pull some kind of positive motivation out of myself to get this work done.  For the mid-term presentation, I felt like I hadn’t really done that much work, at least comparatively to my normal pace. I dropped a class to focus more on core, but I think it has taken up to this week for me to really gain traction again in thinking about what this project is. 

one thing I’ve been aware of is the complex ideas I’m proposing with my project, and the difficulty in explaining what I’m trying to do. I’ve learned a lot in my current writing class about an audience and tempering your work for readability, and this has inspired me to instead show what I’m trying to do through story. 

As Sophie and I spoke a few days before the presentation, I felt that my point maybe was too convoluted in description, and felt that I couldn’t say all that I wanted to say about what I was trying to do. As well, I felt that through explaining my work, contradictions arose that didn’t feel true to my project either. I needed to succinctly get these ideas and points of entry down in a way that brings people into an understanding where I don’t have to explain the point, because I’m not doing a good job if I have to supplement the meaning.

I was originally thinking about a counterfactual involving the boom of plastic in the 50′s, as this was a catalyst to mass manufacturing once injection molds and mass replication was possible. Sophie said that maybe it was too obvious to choose plastic as the villain.  I also talked about my leech - a species that is currently extinct but unknown (like a Schrödinger's species, maybe it existed, maybe it didn't) and that I was thinking about it being used for blood testing in humans, as we would have to feed it our blood to get results, a kind of symbiosis. Sophie asked why it would be a tool for humans when we could biohack ourselves, and whether that would be something I would look into. 

This project is about decentering the human, and I felt that directing any kind of spotlight back to human achievement would be detrimental to the intended meaning of the work. Although, I always find myself coming back to these reflexive loops of “not about the human but Im human and writing it”, it feels like a bit of puppetry, but I don’t know if that can be avoided in these nature futures scenarios. 

I rethought plastic as a catalyst too, and after reading Against Performative Positivity by Dana Abdullah during my reading group, I was reminded of the politics of efficiency, and felt a renewed connection to it’s criticisms, especially related to how I’ve been feeling the past few months. While I knew about Taylorism, I did a bit more of a dive into his work and found that models of efficiency was a much better catalyst than plastic, as plastic in the 50′s already had the inertia of Taylor and Ford pulling it forward.  So I sat down and wrote a story for my presentation and supplemented it with both guiding reference photos and photos of some of the process that I’ve been going through. The following is my script and photos with annotations of what I was intending for each section of the story.

____

A Technological History of the 20th Century 

[If I gave myself more editing time, I would’ve specified ‘20th Century in the West”]

In the late 1900’s, as the Industrial Revolution began to gain traction in the West, Fredrick Taylor published a text called The Principles of Scientific Management. This work, encouraging factories to go further in their exploitation of workers by valuing efficiency systems over living beings, enraged the general public and incited the Factory Riots of 1911. Lead by the “Imagination Effort” and supported by the Luddites, the Factory Riots destroyed many major factories, including Ford and General Motors, who were both car manufacturers at the time. 

[In reading the first few pages of the Principles of Scientific Management, it’s incredible to see that Taylor’s efficiency models were actually in hopes of a less wasteful manufacturing, not only in manpower but of finite resources. He quotes Theodore Roosevelt on conserving nature and talks about our water and forests vanishing. He then goes on to say that the most wasteful resource of all is man power, and talks about how idle thought and reliance on memory are detrimental. I found this really interesting, as it seems to be in good faith for a better world, but is really taking power away from man, our abilities to memorize and the value of imagination. For this reason, I imagined a protest group of people who also read between the lines here and called themselves “the Imagination Effort” in reference to his quote about the wastefulness in ‘efforts of the imagination”. I wanted to incite an event that would be detrimental to the way manufacturing historically succeeded, so I thought of taking down Ford and GM as two huge factories at the time, even making reference to a general public in this other world not knowing who they are (”who were both car manufacturers at the time”)]

The Factory Riots changed the way the West developed. Former President Theodore Roosevelt later applauded the work of the Imagination Effort for their advanced theories on conservation through thoughtful consideration of other beings. 

[Something I wanted to try was using old photographs and repurposing them in another world. Many of the comics around Theodore Roosevelt’s conservation efforts were in jest, but what if these were representations of people actually appreciating his respect for nature. I imagined that a political figure supporting a cause would bolster the effect of such cause, and be more realistic in their continued influence on world events (similar to the JFK/MLK alliance during Civil Rights protests in the 60s)]  

Throughout the 20th century, science shifted from the pursuit of knowledge of, towards the understanding of knowing with. Forestry and Oil industries began to downturn as cellulose bioplastics and bio-fuel began to boom in the 1950’s. This integration and new respect of nature and technology lead to locating many new species previously on the brink of extinction due to past industrial concepts.

[I wanted to show that I have been making some things - I was able to get this algae grow set-up working and bubbling away on my desk. Do I know what I’m going to do with the Algae yet? no. Does it look futuristic with purple lights? yes. In all seriousness, I am trying to get to a thinking through making mode that I often push aside and thought that by creating this algae set up and watching it grow, that I might be able to access some meaningful reflections on algae and all of its superpowers (bioplastics and bio-fuel being an example). I also thought of it as a potential air purification device, as algae is an incredible carbon capture capacity, higher than trees in general. I also wanted to be careful of my wording and to avoid words like ‘discover’ regarding the finding of other species.]

As part of a connection trek in Ontario’s Boreal Forest, scientists met the Photuris Hirudinea, the Firefly Leech. Both an omnivore and an amphibian, the Firefly Leech has an incredible ability to identify and communicate complex chemical chains in hemoglobin samples through bio luminescent markings, and has taught humans how to read other species emotional states with more nuance. 

[The leech is something I want to stick with so that I can: revision and elevate the leech, open conversations about what has been lost through natural destruction, the power and abilities of other species, and because I want to make something physical and believable - and I think I can do so with some 3D modelling, silicone molding, and basic electronics. I imagine this to be swimming - actually swimming - through an aquarium tank during the exhibition. The name, photuris hirudinea, I was wondering whether I should include latin naming as this world is about breaking down hierarchies, including taxonomical ones, but I thought I would leave it as I believe that some human tendencies or leftover patterns would remain. I chose ‘photuris’ for the Firefly, as they are one of the only land species that use bioluminescence and I wanted the leech to be amphibious ,and hirudinea refers to the leech. I think it brings a bit of believability to this other-world species to have it rooted in real species. I wanted to state that it is an omnivore as well, because both plants and animals carry hemoglobin, and I thought that this was a good way of talking about it’s chemical abilities not only for human use but for other species as well. Finally, because I have the license of another world, I moved away from ‘health data’ to emotional data, something that is unvalued in our world, and something that Taylor explicitly called ‘wasteful’ in his writing. I also think that science valuing both empirical and theoretical data, quantitative and qualitative research, phenomenon and nomenon, was something I wanted to infer.]

In the 1980’s, Michael Strano developed nanobionics, and the interweave was born. Through non-invasive pre-sensing, developed with aid from the Firefly Leech, Strano was given permission by the Giant Kelp species to rewire their mRNA structure, allowing internal tRNA transfers to be visualized on the kelp’s surface, and for information transfer between kelp leaves on touch. This created a network that allowed other species to input, transfer, and communicate information, due to the Giant Kelp’s generosity. 

[I focused heavily on word choice in this section. Dr Michael Strano really is the person who helped developed nanobionics, but I took the doctor from his name as academic achievements and social stature may be separate in this world. I had been playing around with the idea of printing a circuit board onto seaweed. What would it mean if we had a natural backing for something that we base most of our technology on? What if a circuit board wasn’t rigid? What if this was floating through the sea, oxidizing and naturally going back to the Earth? What if it was grown into the kelp, genetically implanted with their permission? Could the firefly leech help us communicate what other species wishes and boundaries are? I wanted the language to remove the dissecting power of the ‘scientific’ human into more of a conversation and mutual agreement between species. Stating that the kelp is giving permission for us to alter it, while leaving out exactly how that happened, I think it is a way to turn these ideas of hierarchies on their head. I imagine someone outside of design thinking this is absurd, but on the off-chance that it makes someone think outside of themselves, I think it’s important. I want to run down my reasoning with my friend Rylee, but mRNA, the messenger RNA, is a single chain, meaning that it can attach to another through tRNA, the transfer RNA. This is way over my head if you asked me specifics on it, but in theory I think it’s close to something imaginable, especially with what they are called (messenger and transfer, similar to internet terms anyways). I also wanted to change the internet to the interweave, as net invokes ideas of capturing, whereas weave invokes ideas of support.]

Through advances in bacterial memory storage, the Interweave of the kelp forest expanded in it’s knowing and expanded it’s form - seen in giant kelp clouds that are easily seen from shorelines all over the world. 

[Bacteria holding memory is a real thing, and I was wondering what that would mean if we had known about it earlier (if we had appreciated other species earlier). I think there’s something really compelling about living memory storage. I also thought about the agency of other species, if the interweave allowed other species to interact in their own ways, I assume there would be some information transfer between other species, and maybe some learning. Could kelp gain the understanding to have floating clouds networking above the water too? I think this is the most far out idea of the group but I wanted to show some preposterous ideas for ideas’ sake. Imagination is a big part of this project, and I think a lot of people are afraid to use their imaginations for fear of looking stupid, but I think it’s one of our greatest abilities!]

As nature and technology continued to grow together, human involvement in it’s developments became extraneous. Communication has become increasingly nuanced, beyond the early 20th century notions of speech and body language. Knowing between species has evolved, and contributes to other-than-human species developing many of the technologies that we interact with today. 

[I wanted to show current day symbiotic relationships in this slide: clownfish and anemone, algae and lichen, trees and fungi, and of course, my monitor lizard engineer. I like the idea of proposing that these species connect without us, without our intervention, and that there are so many other dimensions of communicating between species that we do not pay attention to. I didn’t go into specifics about current day technology in this world because I didn’t have any in mind while writing - but I wanted to allude to the idea that many other technologies made by humans and some made without humans exist in this world.]

While we can appreciate other species and how they have helped support us through the years, we can only imagine what may have been if the Imagination Effort had not risen up in defense of our earthbound kin way back in the Factory Riots of 1911. 

[With what I currently have, this is how I am imagining the gallery set-up - an aquarium with the leech swimming around, with a didactic stating that the aquarium is just for show and that they live freely in the wild. I also thought that I could create a simulation of a kelp interweave branch, simulating connections through lights. I didn’t include the algae because I’m not quite sure what it means yet.]

--------

presentation feedback:

I’m happy with the feedback overall, I think the story aspect really helped people understand the point of my project, which has been my biggest hurdle in the past and going into this presentation. Donnie brought up a good point about what it would mean to have these future moments happen now or present day. I find it quite a bit harder to actually imagine from the point that we’re at now, I’m not sure why but it almost feels more... practical in a sense, I would want to avoid inventing something that becomes an actual usable artifact, like Auger’s Tooth Implant, where it was meant as a critical piece of work but was considered seriously by the public. 

Here are some of my miro responses:

“Love it.  Seems kind of speculative evolution-y.  See Dougal Dixon “

I think speculative evolution is definitely similar. I looked up Dougal Dixon and recognized his work from Speculative Dreaming. I really love how he was able to create these worlds as dunne and raby say, through tempering speculation, even though he’s talking about 50 million years in the future. I think the issue with it is that 50 million years in the future is so far forward that I have a hard time caring about something that far forward. 100, 200, 300 years I can understand, that is something that I could see through a genealogical sense and understand, but 50million years is unreachable in understanding what that frame of time actually means. I think while Dixon is talking about the scientific evolution over time, I am talking about species that already exist in this time that we just don’t know about or have already extinguished. 

“ whimsical and unique, I look forward to seeing more! “ Thanks!

“ so effective and well composed - the narration + the performative... I am so taken with the compelling affect of active story telling. AR?”

I’m glad this came across as I wrote this story the day before the presentation, haha. I want to avoid AR - I focused so heavily in VR last semester and found that the learning curve was taking away from my actualization time - that my fidelity level would not catch up in time for the show. I do appreciate AR and VR though, but I was fully immersed in it last semester and it’s just not right for this project at this time with this deadline. 

“ I imagine your final project book laid out as a mock history textbook “ I actually really want to print a book for this project. A cumulation of writing about process and planning in the first half, and the story and final work in the second half. It would be more of a monograph and not part of the exhibition itself, I just want something really nice that I can shop around after I graduate and when I’m applying to my masters. 

“ @Lauren will you still be doing another workshop around this new counterfactual world? Maybe a writing workshop? I would love to write a story around this as a workshop! It's such a fun idea “

I love this idea - I did receive a grant last semester that I haven’t used yet. Maybe I can do a workshop where I send out a prompt through the mail and ask people to write a story around where they think it came from? I don’t know, and I don't want it to seem ad-hoc - But I have this money and I would love to spend it somewhere. I don’t know really! “ I love how you brought nature into design, especially in. an urban setting. I am excited to see what comes next! “

I’m not sure if I understand what they meant by urban setting, but Im happy they enjoyed it. 

“ I researched "Monsanto" company which is a huge seeds company having 30% market share in the US. One of their experiments was combining the fish’s gene and some veggies... When you talked about bio technical history, it came up in my mind. I think something that related to our life directly but hidden science facts would be good to see in the exhibition as well. “

I like this comment because I was not thinking about Monsanto in any way, but I’m glad it came up. Monsanto is a great example of when species’ agency is not considered, and these genetic experiments are purely for profit and are usually detrimental to both people and the environment. Is there good genetic hacking? I’m attending a bioart talk next week, maybe they will be talking about this - but I’m really happy that the story made them think of something else in our current world. That is the intent of this work is to relate to now and talk about these issues and why they are issues. 

“ Lauren! Your project brings me so much joy! Your story telling and creativity is amazing and I love how it brings these ideas of nature and humans coexisting in a way that it currently does not. “

This was really nice, thank you!

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Overall I’m happy with the response - was hoping for a bit more constructive feedback. 

I’m going to talk to Bobbi in the WIP lab next week to talk about how to make the leech happen, and am feeling that maybe the leech is enough of an anchor to base my world around - maybe. 

Anyway, I’m going to take a break from school for a little bit this week to try and reset and drag some motivation from inside myself for the last few weeks of my degree.