#that he's overcome and how critical he is of himself :( I just want him to feel loved :((

[slamrink]

klay 0 points but he looked sexygorgeous doing it + lockdown defense + mavs WIN and dubs clinch so im leaving here with something 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[my-debauchery]

Appeal.

idol!mark × afab!reader

g`hurt/comfort?, fluff, smut

cw`emotional distress, kissing, oral(f), face sitting, explicit content

A/N: hope you enjoy this one. as always, constructive criticism is more than welcomed. if you see mistakes in cw tagging, please, let me know

you feel a bit jittery. nervously looking at your phone, afraid you are running out of time. mark could be here any second, so you try to hurry up.

you brush out your hair to fluff it up. touch up on your make up and spray on parfum. you see a message from mark 'i'll be home in 15 minutes'

you step into the bedroom and put on new lengerie, that you bought just for mark to enjoy. it's a red two piece. all lace and mesh, with beautiful stockings.

you dim the lights and put on slow rnb playlist, quietly in the background. close the curtains and sit down on the bed.

in a couple of minutes you can faintly hear the door open and mark shuffling in the living room 'babe, where are you? babe?' he calls out to you 'i'm in the bedroom' you reply, standing up and shaking a little from the nerves and anticipation.

mark opens the door and lifts his eyes up. mark's breath hitches and he feels like he's about to lose it. he feels overwhelmed and drained all at the same time. he can see how prettily you done yourself up and he knows it's for him.

he knows he promised you a romantic evening together. but his work almost destroyed him today and he doesn't want to disappoint you. even though he knows that you won't be. but all he can think about is how many times he had to cancel on you.

he takes shallow breaths and crumbles on the floor. you get up and make your way over to him swiftly. mark starts sniffling, you crouch down in front of him and ask 'can i touch?' he nods. you circle your hands around him and squeeze him as hard as you can. and rub your hands up and down his back.

'what happened? are you okay? do you want to talk about it?' you quietly ask him, while pulling him up on his feet 'let's sit down first, hmm?' he says and moves towards the bed.

mark sits down at the lower end of the bed and you move to sit next to him. he shakes his head 'i need you closer' he pulls you on his lap and rests his forehead on your right collarbone.

you lace your hands through his hair and massage his scalp. mark lifts his head up and looks straight at you 'i'm sorry. i'm just so exhausted. i wish i could rest just for a week, couple days. i wish i could just shut it out for a moment. all of it. you know?'

'i don't know what to do. what do you want me to do? how can i help you, love?' you feel lost and powerless. it breaks you to see mark this way 'i so desperately want to take away all your hardships, mark. would you like me to run you a bath? to relax

'no. i want to drown in you. i wish i can live in your skin. come one, baby, we can talk in the morning. i want you to sit on my face right now. i want to make you cum, dearest'

you stand up and mark pulls your underwear down to your ankles. he kisses your stomach around the bellybutton and lovingly caresses your hips

he lays back and you shuffle up his body on your knees. you gently lover yourself on his face. mark licks his lips and watches you with hunger in his eyes.

he laces your hands together and kisses the inside of your thighs 'make me cum for you, mark' he dives straight in.

he starts by lightly kitten licking your clit and humming to himself 'aren't you so sweet?' you feel nice jolts of pleasure and he sucks on the bud. you let out a deep, loud moan and bend your back, while trying to hold on to marks hands. stronger waves of pleasure overcome you and heat pulls and concentrate in your lower stomach.

mark lowers his tongue and prodes at your entrance. you look down and your stomach dips from the way mark looks. his hair is all over, eyes glazed over and face sweaty.

he pushes his face closer to you and starts to lick into your pussy faster, incessantly, with hunger. you feel his tongue stroking your slick walls and your legs start to shake from pleasure and exhaustion. you start whining his name and squeeze his hands even harder.

mark continues slurping up your juices and bringing you closer to an orgasm 'mark, please. i'm so close' you keep crying out to him. your feel your walls clenching on mark's tounge and orgasm coming on.

your pleasure builds and builds, until it snaps almost unexpectedly. you clench up, your vision goes white and there's ringing in your ears.

when you come down from your high, mark has moved you on your side. he's holding you right hand, while stroking your head with his left 'i love it when you whimper my name'

he gets up and helps you to sit up. he carefully takes your lingerie off and pushes your gently back on your bed. mark goes to the bathroom and returns with warm damp towel and cleans you up 'let's go, love. you need to pee

'my legs, i can't' he smiles and lifts you up. mark helps you to get to the bathroom and sit down to pee 'leave, i'm shy' you look away and wait for him to leave.

as soon as you flush, mark comes back into the bathroom. he sits you on the bathroom counter and grabs your make up remover. you hold his hands 'i can do it myself, markie. you should go lay down'

mark shakes his head 'no. let me do it' you let up and let him continue. he removes your make up with a delicate touch. you slide down from the counter and turn to the sink to wash your face.

once you done you ask mark 'do you want to shower? a bath?' he looks at the bath 'yeah, that be nice. join me' you turn and kiss his cheek 'take your clothes off' he starts moving and you start running both of you a bath 'no bubbles, please' you nod.

you wait for him to get in and sit down on his lap. mark takes your hand in his and gives your knuckles a kiss 'thank you' you turn yourself to the side carefully 'does it help?' you chuckle lightly

'i know it doesn't fix anything, nor does it make things go away. but i feel so much lighter. when i'm with you it doesn't really matter what happens outside. you are my escape. when i'm with you, i can just clear out my head. when i'm working and having hard time, i always think of you. just thinking of you helps me calm down and center myself. even if all hell breaks loose, i know that you always have my back and love me unconditionally. and i love you too, so much sometimes it hurts to breathe and i'm unable to talk'

you feel like you're about to burst from the love and care you have for mark, so you kiss him deeply and passionately. trying to convey all of your feelings and emotions.

as you break away to breathe, he asks 'why did you doll yourself up today? was it for me? ' you look away shyly 'yes, i wanted to look good for you'

'really? i appreciate it, but i really wish you wouldn't put on the lingerie. i love how you look no matter what you wear and i know how uncomfortable it is for you. don't you see the marks it leaves on your body? doesn't it hurt?'

you look down and see all the angry red marks on yourself, and some do sting now that they in touch with water 'it's okay' your shrug 'i wanted to look appealing to you' mark squeezes you and turns your head to face him.

'you don't need to do anything to be appealing. your essence is the most appealing to me. you as you are is most enticing thing to me' you look at him 'we'll talk about today in the morning, right? please, wake me up, before you leave, okay?' mark nods and kisses your temple 'i promise'

you hum quietly and relax in to him and the hot bathwater.

[maladaptiveobsession]

“Too Little, Too late”

Synopsis: How the DOL LIs react to the player’s suicide

pt. 2

Contains: gn!reader, male!love interests, suicide by pill overdose, death, necrophilia, alcoholism, self-deprecation, dissociation, depression

Words: 1163

A/N: Do not take the content warnings above lightly. The character’s sentiments and the player’s death is described in detail. If you are sensitive to any of these topics, please take care. I had intended to write for some other NPCs as well, but quickly realized I was not in the mental space to continue. I was using my personal experiences as reference, so my personal feelings and the feelings of the characters blended together and I just got overwhelmed.

Alex:

He’s confused and distraught. Why didn’t you confide in him? Was he not enough? He thought you were doing better. What did he miss? What could he have done differently? There’s nothing he wouldn’t have done if it meant keeping you.

He’ll never recover. The farm is neglected, unable to handle the grief. Everything reminds him of you. He blames himself and spends every moment missing you. Alcohol is his only solace and perhaps his demise as well.

Avery:

He’s initially enraged. You repay him by attaching a tragedy to his public image? Above all, he feels betrayed. Anger eventually morphs into bitter acceptance. He tries to pretend otherwise, but he’s affected deeply. He’s not sure how to feel, but it’s wrong all the same. Never before had he grown so fond of any of his arm candy. It was too little, too late by the time he realized he wanted more than a transactional relationship. He continues to attend functions, but his smile is tighter and his eyes are weary. Any attempts to replace you fail miserably. Nobody smiles like you or laughs like you. Nobody is talented enough, smart enough, or obedient enough.

He won’t forget you, but he can’t afford to lose his image, so he grieves in silence. He wonders if things might have been different had he realized how he felt sooner. What might things have been like had he put a ring on your finger? It’s only now in your absence that he understands the joy you brought him. He should have paid better attention to his plaything.

Eden:

Inconsolable is the only way to describe him. Little has brought this man to his knees or made him tear up, but discovering your cold, lifeless body broke him. He’s pissed at you for leaving him. He’s pissed at himself for not noticing the signs; he should have known better than any other. Among the anger, he’s confused. Why didn't you ask for help? There’s nothing he wouldn’t have done for you. What could have been so bad that you would want to kill yourself? Was he so awful? He begins to reflect on his behavior towards you. He knew your initial meeting was unsavory at best, but he had changed since and thought you were healing. He spends every waking moment criticizing his past actions, wondering what might have been had he treated you better.

He considers taking his own life but chooses to live through the anguish as punishment. He tries his best to overcome, but nothing is the same without you. He misses you deeply; the comfort you brought him left so easily. If only he had cherished you more and taken better care of you. If only he had just listened. You should still be cozying up against him on the loveseat, but you’re not and never will be.

Kylar:

Kylar initially denies your death. You’re not dead. You’re just sleeping. As time goes on, he becomes hysterical. You must be ignoring him to get his attention! You’re okay! You’re fine! Nothing is wrong! He’ll defile your body, having convinced himself you’ve entered a deep sleep. The smell will force him into clarity. He knows that smell well; he would recognize the stench of rotting flesh anywhere. He’ll fly into hysteria, falling to his knees and wailing. His darling is gone forever. Why did you do it? Was he not good enough? He must have neglected you or upset you somehow! He should have paid attention. You would be here otherwise. You were unhappy, but he was too selfish to notice! This is all his fault!

Unlike all the rest, Kylar cannot live without you. He takes his own life shortly after, collapsing over your decomposing corpse. If you squint, it’s nearly a romantic sight.

Robin:

Finding you in your bed, cold and stiff with pills spilled haphazardly across your desk, was the worst moment of his life. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t break down and cry. There’s no confusion. There’s no need to ask why; he knows. He’d spent ages wondering how you managed to keep yourself together. How you smiled so brightly in such disturbing circumstances escaped him. It’s only now that he realizes just how much you were suffering, quietly enduring for his sake. He should have seen the signs—the smile that never reached your eyes, the flinching, the lethargy. Things you couldn’t hide that he should have seen but simply didn’t want to acknowledge. It wasn’t a conscious decision by any means, but rather a subconscious attempt to avoid uncomfortable truths in hopes they’d resolve on their own. Had he reached out to you and comforted you, he’s pretty sure you’d still be here. Your blood is on his hands.

Robin will never be the same, and there’s a chance he’ll follow your example. In another timeline, he decides to keep fighting, leaves town, and never looks back. Another version is swallowed up by grief and grows darker and vengeful. Regardless of his path going forward, he lives in your memory. Time heals, but the scar won’t fade.

Sydney:

He is beyond distraught. Why did you do it? Why did you leave him? Was he not enough? He misses you severely. Every waking moment is torment without you. Your loss sends him plunging deeper into the church’s grasp, regardless of purity. If the church is responsible for your passing by any measure, Sydney severes ties completely. Unlike all the rest, Sydney has a loving parent to comfort and guide him through the grief.

Ultimately, Sydney will move on. He carries your memories with him. Your death still haunts him, but he’ll eventually find somebody to start a family with. He’ll convince himself he’s happy, but he can’t help but wonder how things might have been if you were by his side instead.

Whitney:

Numbness engulfs Whitney. Nothing feels real anymore. Is he even real? How can you be gone? He still has the bruises you gave him from your last encounter, so how can you be gone? Anger bites at his mind, but the static sorrow washes it away. Without you, nothing matters. He blames himself. He was a terrible person to you. Of course you would choose death over somebody like him. Even if he was changing for the better, that doesn’t take away what he did to you.

He washes down the grief with liquor. He doesn’t live; he drifts, too tired to even take his own life. He’d spend the rest of his life punishing himself for failing you. With enough time, he might snap out of that fog. Of all the rest, he is the most likely to use this trauma to make much-needed changes around town. He’ll stay single, too afraid of failing yet another person, of being hurt, or of betraying you. Whitney will ultimately be okay, even if every day is a challenge and every memory is overwritten with regret.

[lala-blahblah]

Character flaws that would have been more compelling for Will to have to overcome in TSATS instead of "uh oh my boyfriend is a little bit edgy and that came as an unexpected shock to me even though he wears black and has emo bangs":

Struggling with setting boundaries and being honest when things bother him. As a healer he always has to put other people first, it would be interesting to see him approaching a relationship the same way where he feels the instinct to put Nico's feelings and wellbeing above his own, following him into Tartarus even though it is extra hard for him as a child of Apollo to be down there. It feels so much more authentic for Will to keep quiet about his negative thoughts rather than to blurt out all these criticisms about the underworld. And then Nico could feel hurt that he's hiding something from him for the drama, and Will could grow by allowing himself to communicate better even if he has negative things he wants to talk about

Fear of abandonment but ground it more with his real experiences instead of him just randomly panicking about Nico leaving him behind. Michael and Lee both died and left him alone after he got close with them. His dad was generally distant his whole life, he finally got to spend time with him but only under dangerous circumstances and all too soon hes gone again. Will's mom was the only constant in his life but after monsters started attacking he had to live at camp away from her for most of the year. This results in generalized superstition and anxiety that every time he has a good thing the universe takes it away from him, maybe it makes it harder for him to allow himself to get attached in a deeper way. It would be interesting to see him being the one that was more upfront with his emotions and about liking Nico at the beginning, but as their relationship goes on he struggles with more serious things like saying I love you or imagining a future together because he feels like once he does it will be taken away.

Flip the TSATS struggle on it's head and have Will secretly be very into all the dark underworld stuff but feel like he has to repress that because it's weird and people judge him. Being a healer is already a little dark and intense, I feel like Will wouldn't be scared of the undead but somewhat fascinated. Like you're telling me he wouldn't love to examine a walking skeleton and see how the bones move and connect? Growing up as a son of Apollo everyone expected him to be sunshiney and positive and so he tried to hide his weirder interests but oh my GOD he has so many questions for Nico about underworld magic and it's so hard to play it off. You could still emphasize the yin and yang of Nico having lightness and Will having darkness but make it feel less judgemental to Nico this time

Basically I just take it as a personal offense that Will would ever be critical of Nico's sarcasm and grunge aesthetics. HE'S INTO IT!!! HE HAS A THING FOR EDGY MEN OK!!! THIS IS THE GUY WHO SAID HE WOULD GO ON A DATE WITH DARTH VADER just you TRY and tell me that prequels Anakin was not his bi awakening and the blueprint for all his future crushes.

[connabeth]

rick really woke up and said "what if i give the people what they want for once" and gave us grumpy black cat introvert percy and sunshine golden retriever extrovert annabeth we never knew we needed

also no one's talking about how percy made friends with annabeth's college's security guard (Florence or smthn?) so he's the only one allowed to walk in her campus anytime?

also I found a typo in the third chapter where dave was accidentally called paul which I found really funny

1) i’m glad this series is doing justice to annabeth’s personality because she spent so much of pjo & hoo caught in an inner turmoil of hurt and uncertainty and self-loathing and insecurity and fear given the circumstances of luke’s betrayal and percy’s imminent death. in spite of it all, she was still a bastion of hope and light throughout those books, but she deserves to be silly and unburdened by the weight of the world now that she has percy back and there’s no big prophecy (unresolved trauma aside). i think, in her mind, even though new, crazy things keep being thrown at them and she most certainly deals with a latent fear of losing percy at any moment, she’s resolute and confident that they can overcome anything that gets in their way of their dream of going to college and finding peace together because she feels that invigorated and wants it that bad. even if greco-egyptian gods or a triple goddess or a mortal apollo pop up throughout their senior year. i feel like she’s giving herself the freedom to just let go, breathe, be sure everything will be okay in the end, and just be excited about things without drowning in worry for once, which i love. she deserves to feel that childlike enthusiasm she was deprived of for so long. her confidence that they’ll be okay extends to percy being able to complete all his classwork and applications, which in turn reinforces his determination.

2) as for percy, he’s definitely the more outwardly insecure out of the two, mainly because of how his academic prowess pales in comparison to hers and the fact that he feels he doesn’t deserve her and she’s way better than him. percy thinking her SODNYC friends perceive him in the same critical light obviously isn’t helping. it’s evident in the way he’s amazed when he looks at her, disbelieving for a second that she’s his girlfriend, and how he observes her interaction with others more similar to her, feeling like an outsider who can’t understand that part of her brain the way her friends can. it’s even more abundantly clear when he believes “She would always succeed whether I was around or not,” which in theory is a sweet sentiment to have about your very capable girlfriend, but academic and social success aside, she needs him as much as he needs her and she’d see no point in being in california without him. but his insecurities and easy jealousy prevent him from fully understanding this even if he innately knows it’s a universal truth that they’re meant to be together. however, all this being said, percy’s characterization in wottg so far is a little…weird. in order for you to literally pee your pants, something must scare you or catch you off guard really, really bad. so while it makes sense for him to fear a powerful goddess, wetting his boxers seems like an extreme reaction. i know rick was probably just trying to insert immature humor, but the implications are not what he was going for considering this is the boy who didn’t have that reaction staring down titans and giants and nyx and tartarus himself. so forgive me if i think it’s a little insane that percy having such a visceral reaction to a goddess 13 year old hazel fared well against is out of character, even after taking into consideration his fear of not receiving and completing the remaining quests on time. it makes sense for him to be nervous and on edge, given the quiet of the past month, but that amount of fear towards a deity who’s not the most scary thing he’s faced down is an interesting choice since rick isn’t known for realistic depictions of PTSD and that likely isn’t the intention here. it’s also curious how it’s implied even a goddess as primordial as aphrodite caves in to hecate…

3) florence is the goat and i love percy making random friends to help his cause. he doesn’t go out of his way to befriend others in the mortal world unless they approach him first or there’s an opportunity there. and the fact that annabeth can a casually ask her friend to cover for her being gone from her dorm for several days makes me think this is far from the first time she’s snuck out for prolonged periods of time👀

4) this is an INSANE typo to have in a book because clearly not a single person proofread it and it doesn’t surprise me that it got past rick, but becky and several rounds of editors and everyone else in his circle who’s read the book not picking up on it prior to publication is wild. rick is too eager to have his self-insert be everywhere and it shows💀

[thoughtfulchaos773]

A show about Self-hatred, Love, & Connection

TW: Self-hatred, Suicide also Sydcarmy warning for the antis

Carmy's self-hatred is a big part of his character and it's his biggest hurdle in getting past his trauma. His self-loathing becomes apparent in the first season, particularly in the episode "Hands," where he tolerates verbal abuse. This inner critic is rooted in familial and complex trauma, existing long before his experiences in NYC.

The Familial Pattern

Those experiencing self-hatred may or may not, be in a situation that requires them to be in contact with someone from their painful past, causing distress and a tendency to withdraw to avoid experiencing painful memories and emotions...

Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP

The Berzatto family has a history of self-loathing, with Donna's mental barriers and emotional and verbal abuse, not just from her but from extended family members, who made an impression on the Berzatto siblings.

The episode Fishes dives into Donna's inner critic that's similar to Carmy's, she says no one would care or miss her, we see the reasoning for self-hatred from the berating of Carmy, to Uncle Lee vehemently telling Mikey he's nothing, to the unforgiving nickname for Natalie, such abuse and extreme criticism is to the point that it becomes ingrained in their thoughts.

Mikey unfortunately succumbs to the pattern, but Natalie breaks the curse by attending Al-Anon meetings and loving those who instills confidence in her.

Her own actions in seeking comfort lessen the impact of Donna's self-loathing influences, as she asks for an embrace from Steven. I believe that this moment shows us how connection can help calm down our extreme inner critic.

Also Natalie's connection with Pete helps her own self compassion and feeling deserving of the good things in life. Pete tells her how great the restaurant is. He easily gives compliments to Carmy. This treatment is foreign to the Berzattos but is embraced by Natalie as she breaks the cycle.

Connecting to those who make you feel good is also foreigner to Carmy, he struggles with Pete's compliments and receiving it, he pushes those away from fear of the unknown territory of feeling good.

Feeling undeserving is one of the reasons he avoids emotional intimacy with Claire. Not only does she remind him of a past filled with ridicule from Richie and Mikey but he can't understand why someone could love him. If he could open up and allow intimacy, he would be on the path towards acceptance.

Solace in Sydney

Theres one significant moment of self-acceptance and that happens in 2x09. Carmy's character growth is clear as he chooses to listen to Sydney's words and affirmation instead of ignoring them.

I want to note that it frustrates me when people comment that Sydney's voice only contributed to Carm's work-life when his self-hatred shows up in his personal life.

From "Let It Rip" to "You Were the Most Excellent CDC," we take a look in Carmy's potential to overcome anxiety and self-loathing. The difference between "Let It Rip" is that Sydney's voice and his bond with her and it gives Carmy moments of feeling good about himself like Natalie feels with Pete. That moment of acceptance is a big step in his relationship with himself and Sydney's love for him serves as one of the remedies for his self-hatred.

I want to emphasize that Sydney can't fix Carmy, but her company, talents, and aspirations help him feel good and encourage self-compassion and confidence. Sometimes, loving someone helps you fall in love with yourself more, as long as this person also supports you in the same way.

To beat loneliness and self-loathing, Carmy needs to open his heart and contribute to filling his own cup, then he could receive love when someone pours into him.

But it's funny because he's already doing this with Sydney. He allows her love to wash over him, and even through mistakes, he tries to believe in her the way she believes in him.

Carmy will experience true love for himself and others when he moves forward and strives toward a genuine connection (forgiveness, compassion, etc.). When Carmy receives that love, he will finally feel deserving of something good happening in his life.

[jmdbjk]

. . .

Just like Jimin rubbing his own head and being shook instantly, we will have many instances where we will be reminded of them... see a photo or a video, hear their voices or a song and instantly be shook that we won't be seeing Jimin and Jungkook much in the next 18 months.

Not gonna lie, it is rough for me to watch Jimin’s live. The level of vulnerability is just too much for me to handle. His uncertainty, his dismay, his level of discomfort and self-consciousness... humiliation(?) over the loss of his beautiful hair, I can't watch it yet. His own disbelief at looking at his own shaved head...

He is facing something unknown and unfamiliar. He's learned a lot over the past year diving into the appearances he had to do alone for his ambassadorships for Dior and Tiffany. I say "alone" but he wasn't alone, he had his manager and staff by his side.

He won't have them when he enters the military base.

I already said in a previous post that Jimin is disappointed that he must, once again, stop doing what he loves and do this instead. He’s just hitting his stride and he has a lot he wants to accomplish. All that, in addition to his habit of self-criticism and his anxiety issues, it is HUGE that he will have someone there who knows this about him and can help him redirect and calm down. He will beat himself up, put himself down and not allow himself to give himself credit for doing as well as he thinks he should. Jungkook will remind him that he's amazing and help him overcome all that noise in his head.

And keep in mind that Jungkook is a level of introvert that requires some amount of "alone time". This "alone time" is when this type of introvert “recharges” or “decompresses” in order to settle or center one’s self. We all see how different he is during group lives versus when he is alone. His introvert thrives by himself. The situation of being with strangers for such long periods is CHALLENGING! Without his fidget spinner lip rings, and again, staff and manager beside him facing something new by himself, he'll be ADHDing all over the place. Knowing that Jungkook has someone he is comfortable with, who understands this about him, is HUGE. He has a habit of tuning out, zoning out and withdrawing and Jimin can help him stay put in the moment.

Besides genuinely missing performing and his fans, it is no wonder that his frame of mind during his last live with us was downhearted.

This is not a situation where one needs the other more... it is a situation where they will both mutually benefit from having the other present.

These guys are not like us. These two have lived the past ten years in a world that is NOTHING like ours. They've grown up and matured living a life that we can't possibly know and understand. Jungkook has several $1000 bottles of whiskey chilling in his refrigerator that he mixes with Cloop soda water and drinks like its kool-aid through a straw. THEY ARE NOT LIKE US.

They've succeeded beyond all expectations, even their own, and had to deal with all the extreme ups and downs of all of that... and now they must put everything they know aside to step into a completely different world with the eyes of the world focused on them. The pressure to not fuck up has to be enormous. Everything they do is amplified. Its not fair, really.

Physically, they will have advantages over their younger fellow soldiers in that strenuous work is not unfamiliar to them, they are accustomed to pushing themselves and they know what it takes to master something that requires a lot of physicality. They are strong and athletic.

And now, emotionally and mentally, they will be fine because they will have each other.

I will miss all of them and be so very excited to count down the days to Jin's discharge... but I will be the most bereft waiting for Jimin and Jungkook.

[laststandx3]

Okay, okay, just finished the last season of tua and I understand lots of the critics I've read so far, mostly were about five and lila and valid and all, but my problem is that this feels so much like the last season of game of thrones, nobody in the writing room wanted to spend more effort than what they had too. This season of tua was terribly uninspired, they wanted to be done with this project as fast as possible and they wrote the flattest most direct way to get at the end of the story.

Find a girl. Touching the girl causes the apocalypse. The only way to stop the apocalypse is to die. End

The fact that finding the girl is a little complex at the beginning is the only redeemable part of the season. The rest of the story doesn't know what to do with the characters and keeps on separating them and giving them side quests. It's like the writer(s) didn't know what to do with them, in fact we got zero character arcs this season, barely diego overcoming his everyday life disappointment.

this is also the reason they're all so out of character, the story needs them to give up so they give up and die. This is why Five (whose only character motivation in 3 season, and 50 in-story years, was to prevent the apocalypse and save his family) this season gives up on preventing the apocalypse and taking care of his family. It's what the plot needs of him. He doesn't even crack the mystery of the underground by himself, he doesn't reason at all. Another version of himself gives him the answers he needs. Five has met his past self before and didn't trust himself, there's no reason why he should trust this other version of him. Except the plot needs him to be stupid. And the writers didn't know how to explain the trains how they worked and why so they just didn't let five figure it out. We don't even get to see other time lines because the writers were lazy. There's no lila meeting different versions of diego and falling in love with him again. They don't meet anyone else even if they could access other people and places. There's no five meeting some woman named Dolores (if they really wanted him to have a love interest). There's nothing in the subway except a time skip montage.

Then when the apocalypse comes everyone accepts death as a solution immediately, a couple of tears and lets end this thing all together. Nobody in the family complains, there's no brainstorming trying to understand what to do or if there are other options. They don't EVEN TRY. They barely ask where Five found those informations. Because the writers want this show to end, so nobody has to oppose the plot. No matter if klaus met god a couple of seasons ago. Or if there are multiple ways to time travel. There's no need to find out anything about reginald or abigail or their world or what kind of aliens they are. There's no need for that.

I don't know if it was a budget problem they couldn't film on many locations or sets or if it was all writers choices. What i can say is only that they took the easiest way out of a story that could have ended in SO so many different ways, and yet the writers chose the most definitive one.

[ask-spiderpool]

Ngl ,i love your work,but it rubs me wrong how Peter's discomfort w venom doing sexual things without Peter's consent or knowledge is treated as a joke,or just generally kind of dismissed. Also- I'm autistic and love love love autistic peter parker hc,but the fact he was called 'on the spectrum' soley because he got upset at venom for this and 'couldn't put himself in venoms shoes' also kind of felt really bad.

ough, bless you anon! I really appreciate you vocalising your thoughts and concerns in a really sincere respectful way. I want to respond so you don't feel unheard!

I'd also like to take this chance to say that the actions of one Wade W. Wilson do not reflect the thoughts of the ask-spiderpool moderator. The ask-spiderpool moderator does not condone his words or actions. He is a bad man. The words he's saying are bad.

Deadpool is definitely playing the role of a villain here, and he's kind of intentionally choosing his words with the intention of punishing Peter and invalidating him. He knows what he's doing. And Spider-man knows it too.

I know it's something a lot of people don't like to see from Wade – but it's a part of his character that I find interesting to explore and to see him eventually overcome. His ability to weaponise everything, and his instinct of self-sabotage. It becomes dangerous territory to write sometimes because people generally want to side with Deadpool and believe he'll do no wrong, but - I don't know, to strip him of all his ugliness would be untrue to him. Similarly with Peter – I guess I'm just really interested in parts of Wade and Peter that you don't really get to see explored in fanon very often.

It's kind of a problem though that yeah - when you write this sort of a thing there's the risk of people who don't look at it critically - so you get people idolising or siding with Deadpool when what he's doing is really bad actually. It's kind of a miracle, the sorts of things Wade gets away with, while Peter's attacked for it - and that's something I kind of like to examine, too.

I think I do have a responsibility to make this blog feel safe, but also challenging and interesting - and I think I'll be working hard to kind of find a balance between the two. I'm still trying to figure it out - to write what I find interesting, knowing my own intentions but knowing it probably will be misinterpreted – or writing something else that is easy and pleasing to everyone (not really my bag, and also near impossible!), or just not write at all (also impossible for me! Got a brain-itch to scratch...)

I really appreciate when people read my writing and see what I'm getting at – but it doesn't always happen, and it isn't really anyone's fault. I kind of like to offer explanations and further meta, and the fics, because I love to be understood - and the server where I love to have discussions with people about how they receive these posts. The reason I love running this blog is the discussions I have with people about it. The back-and-forth, and so I really do love people to look at Wade and Peter a little deeper.

I have a genuine interest in autistic Peter and it's something I want to explore further in a sincere light, this is kind of just the first tease of something I want to explore more later, if the asks permit. I think every Peter Parker is autistic-coded - I've written a little bit about it here! I'm no expert on diagnosis - but as fantastical as ask-spiderpool can get sometimes - I kind of always want what Wade and Peter are going through in their heads to feel real and tangible and understandable, and come from a place of sincerity.

The consent issue is a complicated one – (as is the way with applying real-world-logic to the realm of alien sex with what you thought was just a slick space-age onesie...) Peter's relationship with the symbiote occupies more of a realm of metaphor than anything - and I don't think there's any sort of 1-to-1 comparison to the real world. (Has your sex-toy ever gained sentience and passed judgement upon you? Peter Parker's worst nightmare!)

There is a running theme of Peter kind of having his boundaries crossed - and the symbiote is sort of tied to that theme. The symbiote was entirely responsive to Peter's thoughts and didn't do anything Peter didn't will it to do - the real issue is the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. And it's a running theme with Peter - he hides so much and very often his privacy is violated.

It's often played for laughs, because Deadpool doesn't always take Spider-man's boundaries seriously and likes to push him – but it's something that will come to a head, and Peter will be laying down the law very soon.

I'm really thankful for your message anon, and I really hope this response reaches you with similar sincerity that you reached out to me with and that I'm understood! - I love you so much anon! My DMs over on @sciderman are also open if you'd like to talk to me more!

[faelapis]

alright! we got one whole person interested, so here's my hot take:

the first "how to train your dragon" movie is WAY better than httyd 2.

i know everyone loves like, the cool warrior mom design, the romance and the "epic animation moments" in 2... but can we for a moment be honest and say the whole "hiccup becoming a leader / which dragon is the Good Alpha" plot was dumb as hell? also, the villain sucked?

the original httyd is pretty good about keeping the structural problem grounded in real societal fears. namely, fear of the unknown and of beasts. it makes sense for any ol' village dealing with such a problem. it was intelligently designed around a solid premise.

httyd 2 is like. actually, dragon taming is a big thing, even outside berk. and theres a Scary Foreign Man dragon tamer who is bad and just wants power. it's okay to other him. being a good guy is about being a protector instead of an evil, power-hungry guy... which hiccup never was anyway... so no real growth there. just be good instead of bad. wow. what a theme. very thought-provoking.

people act like httyd 3 being bad came out of nowhere, but httyd 2 was the original sin to me. it totally dropped the societal themes in favor of generic good vs evil fights and "worldbuilding" - despite having no more interesting stories to tell.

it also kind of ruined hiccup for the sake of developing him. like. his whole thing is that he can't fight, so he has to find other ways to contribute to society. he's the anti-macho hero. which ends up being important in convincing the village that dragons can be peaceful. he's empathetic to the other, because he's been othered.

meanwhile in httyd 2, hiccup's like. Cool Warrior Man, who needs to step up and be the hero king when his dad dies. he can fight just fine, because he has a cool dragon to fight with. so he's just like any warrior, but one who fights with weapons instead of brute strength. aka most fictional warriors who arent just "the heavy."

the first movie isn't beyond criticism, obviously. the animation was a little meh compared to httyd 2 - i get why visually its seen as an upgrade. plus, httyd 1 also did the thing of having like a last minute evil dragon to defeat... but that wasn't the point. the POINT was the village and its fears. the POINT was overcoming that.

whenever people list why they love httyd 2 and consider it superior, its like... lists of details. like, look at the upgraded character designs, the cool flying scenes, the affection between hiccup and astrid, or the clever way hiccup's prosthetic leg is designed.

but these are film *details*, not fundamentals.

if you told me the sequel to httyd was going to have a much more generic story, ignore the themes of the original and makes its deliberately lanky and weak protagonist into Handsome Hero Warrior Boy, i'd be like. that sounds kinda bad. but the Animation Details (tm) i guessssss

i know hiccup is still "himself" in 2 to some extent, btw. he's an inventor, he's intelligent, and he initially tries to talk to the villain. but none of that ends up mattering. its arguably looked down on by the movie, which really, really wants him to step up to be the warrior king like his dad. aka a generic Hero Strongman.

i'm not totally against evolving the themes of a work to fit new conflicts, btw. sequels should generally be different from the first movie. that's fine. that's expected.

but while the new conflict in httyd 2 IS born out of the results of the previous movie, that evolution feels very literal, not thematic.

namely, the evolution is "more people have dragons now." it builds the conflict from there. its based on worldbuilding, not on theme.

i don't think a very interesting evolution.

it kinda went from, in httyd 1: "the theme is fear of the unknown. how prejudice/ignorance manifests, educating oneself through compassion, the dangers of worshipping violent masculinity, and the importance of questioning what you're taught by society."

to, in httyd 2: "the theme is dragons. who has them? what they want with them? how can the Good Guy humans protect dragons from the Bad Guys? also, being a Good Leader means being a strong Hero Man who protects his friends," without asking any deeper questions related to the themes of the first movie.

and i'm like. guys. guys.

the theme shouldn't just be "dragons."

the theme of the first movie was NOT just "dragons." the first movie could've been about people being afraid of unicorns. or large birds. or unusually intelligent bears. it was not just about literal dragons, it was about societal fears and trying to overcome our base gut instincts.

i think this is what really plagues httyd 3: it builds on the themes of the second movie, not the first.

httyd 3 asks further questions that only really revolve around the literal relationship between humans and dragons. it does not understand any broader themes of what that relationship represents.

it clearly thinks its very intelligent for asking "what do the dragons themselves want?", but that question is not respected enough to be explored in any thematically coherent way.

the only real weight its given is the argument that there will always be "bad humans" out there, and so, dragons are safer in the wild. which sure is... an argument. but its a very "othering the problem" kind of argument.

it acts like its caring about the agency of dragons, but its not really. dragons were not actually portrayed as "oppressed" in berk society after the first movie, nor lacking agency. they were only at risk of "bad individuals", to which that solution is stupid. the racialized bad guy in httyd 2 didn't steal all his dragons from berk. he caught and subjugated them, mostly from the wild.

all while looking like... this, by the way. i feel like we don't talk about that enough. all the good guys are white nordics, while the only man of color is scary, domineering and cruel. in a series of movies that was once about having empathy for the other.

MAYBE if berk had been really oppressive towards dragons in httyd 2, we could've had a theme. maybe if they treated them like a dangerous commodity that must be tightly controlled despite their nominal acceptance and inclusion, we could've had a thematically tight 3-movie arc about like fear and oppression or whatever.

but that would require, yknow... making the movies be about broad societal problems, instead of just evil individuals. and only the first movie cares about making any real societal critique.

also, the solution in httyd 3 would've still sucked. these movies, in terms of writing, really decrease in maturity from 1, down to 2, to the plummeting depths of 3.

there is no relationship of oppression that is solved by completely segregating society and going our separate ways (httyd 3). just like there is no oppression that is solved just by defeating bad individuals (httyd 2). we have to learn to coexist as equals, to educate ourselves and be compassionate to the other. even if we're afraid.

that's the dream only the first movie kept in its heart.

[nrdmssgs]

Soap comforting reader

Masterlist Comforting series: König comforting reader Price comforting reader

AN: I've got requested for something a bit similar for König and decided to make a series. There will be different traumas, CoD boys help us all overcome. (Königs version coming soon)

Here Johnny helps the reader deal with her neglectful family. I kept everything mild, so no TWs here really.

You are nervous about that family gathering. Of course, it's Johnny, you'll follow him anywhere, but a mere thought of a full family gathering in one house… 

Someone will not like your clothes, someone will criticize your career, someone will quarrel with you because of politics... And at some point there will be ‘THE talk’ about children and grandchildren, and you will choke in guilt and shame.

No, you never met Johnnys relatives before. But you knew well, how is it usually going: “Hi guys, look, whom I found, please like her as I do”. And then the show starts.

It didn't help as well, that your own family gatherings often ended with you gagging on your tears in the bathroom, pretending, you were just washing hands.

“Hen? You nervous? We can always pull off the road, so you can take a breather.” Johnny puts his hand on your knee and gives you a beaming smile.

"No, no, I don't want to be late. Your sister wrote that she was already there."

He stops on the next parking lot nevertheless. “If she is already there - it means, my parents are already entertained enough by her kids. Come on, lets walk.” And before you could react, Johnny drags you out of the car, takes your hand and leads you in a field beside a parking lot.

It helps, but by the time you two step inside his parents house, you feel your pulse drop once again. 

“I'm so happy to finally meet you!”, “Johnny, what took you so long to bring her here? Oh, you've been dating for not that long? What took you so long to find her then?!”, “He is so lucky to have you!”

Yes, they don't just quietly accept you - they absolutely shower you in love. You usually don't hear that many nice words, even on your birthday.

And they are all fantastic people: they are kind, open-hearted, love a good joke. You feel like you could talk to them forever. 

You see, what it takes to raise such a treasure like Johnny: he has mothers eyes and fathers voice, he shares his bubbly personality with his sister. 

His family still has their little heartwarming rituals, when they call their son to lick the spoon after mixing cookie dough. Only now Johnny picks up his nephew and gives him the spoon. Or when they all gather together on the terrace after dinner, lay out blankets and pillows on the plank floor and make themselves comfortable with mugs of tea.

Johnny sits with a notebook in his hands and sketches something, his sister stealthily peeps over his shoulder, then glances at you and smiles. You are stolen by his nephew to build a pillow fort.

Before you go to bed, you help his parents clean up. His mom walks over to you while you're wiping down the big dish and hugs you. "Thank you for letting him into your life. Johnny has always been a sweet, cheerful child, but It`s the first I see my boy literally glowing with happiness."

Although normally, you wouldn't like being touched by someone you've just met - this time you don't mind. In fact you even find yourself enjoying this little warm moment.

Later that night, sitting on the edge of bed in Johnnys childhood room, you ask yourself if this is what a family feels like. Or maybe MacTavishes were just an ideal family and in fact it was ok to cry at every family gathering, to avoid texting and calling your parents more than once a week. Maybe everyone didn`t share their feelings with parents and siblings, just like you? And there were rare exceptions to the rule here and there, and you just met one?

You didn't even hear Johnny entering the room and coming closer.

“Heeeey, what's with the wet eyes? Anyone let you down?” He slowly lowers himself to the floor and puts his head in your lap. "Wait, or did I say something stupid? That joke about my next deployment is just a joke, I swear!”

You smile and wipe away tears hastily. “No-no! Nobody let me down. Its just your family… You are all so good to me and to each other.”

Johnny lets you go on with the thought, asking questions and encouraging. He has long noticed that your relationship with your family is not like his, but he has never commented on this before.

"I know it's stupid, but... I didn't want to go to bed, just to spend more time with them. I wanted to remember how a family can feel. And now I'm afraid that in a week I'll forget this feeling... Sorry, I must sound like an edgy teenager right now."

He pulls your torso in a firm hug, not raising from the floor. “They… We all are your family, if you want us to. They love you, bonnie. You know, how many times they asked me to finally bring the woman who makes me smile constantly to our family house? How long have they all wanted to meet you? You know, how many times they pulled me in some corner today just to ask when am I going to wife you up?”

You frown. “Oh no…” “Oh yes, sweets. They are rooting for us.” “Wait, that's bad, that's really bad…” “How is that bad?” “I like them so much, I want them to be happy, and if you have second thoughts, if you decide, I'm not worth it, they'll all hate me for not being that girl, for wasting your time, for not being good enough…”

The speed with which you find yourself knocked over on the bed and his hands holding you tight against his chest is beyond any belief. You are cut out mid-sentence.

“Breathe in…” His hand moves to your spine and traces a long line up to you neck. “... and out.” His fingers now travel down your back.

Johnny repeats it a few times and when he feels your pulse steadying, he finally speaks. “There are and will be no second thoughts. Happy or not - you're stuck with me, sweets. I may joke around other matters, but I am dead serious with this. You are the one. For me, which also means - for them. I know it, they know it. You are welcome here, you are loved, you are so much awaited. They are part of me, so they always come with me, if you choose to have me.”

As he speaks, you feel his breath tingling back of your head and his fingers drowning in your hair. This all feels surreal, but you want to believe him. They are slowly becoming your family. Your home. 

[borzoilover69]

Something that gets me everytime I think about the harlenglishes is how incredibly harsh they are on themselves, incredibly self critical. The simple fact that the majority of the fandom writes them off as silly little guys does a number on me.  I want you to take a look at these two pieces of text. Both of them are from where Jade and Jake are having a moment, and using proxies to voice their thoughts. Notice how they react to themself being upset. ( Jade is herself, Dirk is Jakes apparition of Dirk, aka BGD ) 

Jade and Jake put others over themselves and think they’re seeing the bigger picture when they’re not. They’re incredibly isolated kids trying to appear relatively normal. They’re incredibly judgmental, and therefore feel judged, and put up massive barriers and walls to hide it all from their friends and subsequently first time readers because they never directly mention or call attention to it!  They break down incredibly messily because they bottle it all up to deal with in private later!

Jake is so incredibly hard on himself, and so is Jade. They grit their teeth and smile because they feel incredibly selfish for having messy feeling moments. And the thing is, they can be incredibly selfish! They are looking out constantly for what’s best for everyone, and sometimes it’s not what the others think!  That’s what’s so tragic, is because when they do break down so messily, they beat themselves up for it. Look here: 

These are both screenshots of them telling, no, demanding that they toughen up and do what “needs to be done”. But finding themself unable to because they’re so overcome with emotion. It’s especially interesting in Jakes case because he uses his best friend as a proxy to do a mental fucking cartwheel and hype himself up but also to cut through his bullcrap with the one friend that he believes saw him truly, that he believed understood himself, which is why in part BGD is so uncomfy for him! Because it’s just the uncomfortable truths or thoughts he wouldn’t admit to himself in his own skin! Jake is a master of deception, and this is just one of his outlets!

I’m never getting over how terrible BGD was to Jake while he was breaking down, or how Jade yelled and screamed at herself when she was reincarnated as a sprite. A lot of people use BGD as a merit to point out that DirkJake is abusive, since he’s one of the splinters we see Jake actively talk to, but what they don’t get is that BGD is just Jake thinking to himself “What would Dirk think? What would Dirk say?” and believing it so truly that it can on instance become realities! Dirk isn’t really like this, he may be a bit clingy, but Jake acknowledges that in conversation with Roxy, and is moreso concerned rather than upset about it. In the prison cell with BGD, it’s just Jake berating himself under the guise of what his best friend on what he SHOULD do, versus what he wants to do. Because Jake questions himself constantly. 

Jake very much relies on social awareness even though he can be pretty bad at it. So if he believes his friends have an image of him, he will be daunted by how to live up to it, and if he believes his friends hate him, his thoughts and BGD will reflect that. Hes essentially created a remote echo chamber to amplify his own thoughts, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. 

The harlenglishes just can’t cope with knowing. They minimise their messy and not proper emotions to try and be the bigger person and do what’s right, even if it’s incredibly unhealthy, and it just ends up in a big knot of feeling incredibly overcome by emotions, and also incredibly frustrated they can’t live up to their own expectations and thus looping to fueling hte emotions. Jake is incredibly self aware and immensely critical for just being a kid. Jade is incredibly self aware and is hard on herself ever since her grandfather died and I think Jake was too in a way.

[syoounn]

Hello i love your work!

I was wondering if you could possibly write in a short fic style maybe Chuuya, Kunikida, and Akutagawa with a reader that has trichotillomania? Specifically the reader that pulls out their lashes and brows?

Im pretty insecure about that and i would love to read something like that :) would very much appreciate it if you wrote something like that :)

•Reader with a Trichotillomania.

•Characters: Chuuya, Akutagawa, Kunikida

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Chuuya

After Chuuya got home.. he was ready to see you and cuddle with you. Seeing you doing it again, Chuuya shifted a bit in bed before laying next to you and placing you in his arms. With his hands, he began playing with your hair, seemingly trying to get your attention. “Hey, look at me.” He gave you a gentle squeeze, looking directly into your eyes. He wanted to comfort you and make you feel loved, especially looking at your beautiful eyes. “I love you. It may not be in my nature to think about other people’s feelings, but that’s the truth. You’re the only person I think about. You keep me grounded.” His voice became more gentle as he spoke. He was well aware of your insecurities, but he believed you always had it in you to overcome these obstacles. Of course, his words were never enough. He had some idea of how to really relieve you of your problems, but he’d only be able to share it with you when you were ready to let him. “My precious little Doll…” He mumbled affectionately, stroking back your hair and bringing his lips down to your forehead. Chuuya, comfort you when you lose control of yourself, not judging you for your faults. Instead he’d pull you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist, holding you tightly against himself. He continued to speak and comforting you “It’s okay, darling… I know you can’t control it, and I do think it’s very unfortunate, but I’m not going to hate you for it. I hate the fact that you hurt yourself and have a negative mindset about yourself… You don’t need to apologize for something about yourself you can’t control.” You then relaxed to his words and hugged him as both of you embraced both your warmth tonight.

Akutagawa

Both of you were watching TV in the living room he noticed you weren't really paying attention to the TV. He let out a quick sigh and gently grabbed your hands to stop you doing it. "Are you okay?..." he asked as he tried to be gentle as he could be.. he wanted to comfort you even though sometimes he struggled to give comfort. "I'm alright.." You said, not wanting him to worry. Therefore, that didn't stop. He clearly can see that you were not, as he sighs and wrapped his arms around you, giving you some comfort since he's Akutagawa is not that the best on words. He was slightly upset that you were not being truthful to him. "I'm not stupid, I know that you're not fine, and I don't like when you lie to me." "I'm sorry.." You replied. Akutagawa sighed as he kept looking at you. The anger he had felt was disappearing. His grip on you grew a bit more gentle. "I'm also sorry, I didn't mean to sound aggressive, I just really want you to be honest with me." He said, his tone and expression was softer and seemed to have more care in his words. Akutagawa stayed in silence for a moment. He knew this was a really sensitive subject for you. He wasn't going to push you to explain much about it, but he was still concerned. "Is there anything I can do to help you?" He asked in a soft voice, making sure not to sound judgmental or critical. Feeling the way he cares for you and wanting to do something for you makes you feel appreciated and went completely calm. As you hugged him back and relaxed to his embrace, smiling. "I'm fine now.." You said softy. Akutagawa smiled slightly at the reply. He liked that you hugged him back. It had made him feel happy. He squeezed you in another hug and looking at your eyes as he was looking at the most beautiful thing he ever seen, not wanting to let you go. "Okay then, we should just enjoy the movie now." He said, still hugging you as tight as he could. Both of you enjoyed your time as it makes you forget all of your problems just because you're with him.

Kunikida

Kunikida came home, usually having a grumpy face, seeing you changed into a small smile without hesitation.. he approached you. "Your symptoms are acting up again, aren't you.." Kunikida said with a worried look on his face. Kunikida looked very worried about you as he reached out and took your hands. He looked directly at your eyes "Look, I know this is extremely difficult for you." He paused and cleared his throat You have to be strong. I know you can overcome this. I'm with you, always, and I'll always love you no matter what. Kunikida said, his voice soft and reassuring. He then gestures you to sit back and get your medication and some tea to make you feel better. He writes down and does his best to support you... always reminding you things and always reassuring you. Even though sometimes he can be straightforward, deep down, you know he truly only wants you to live comfortably. He turned around and headed toward the kitchen. His footsteps were heavy and firm. After a few minutes, he returned and handed you the tea. "Here, drink this. It should relax your nerves and calm you down. That should help." He smiled as he saw you become more relaxed. He watched you take a few more sips of the tea before he spoke "That's good. It'll help.. and you should not forget to take your medication Y/N.." Kunikida said as he walked over and sat on the side of the bed as you lay down. He moved so he could cradle you with your head resting against his shoulder. He looks at your sleepy eyes.. as he always adores, he can't help but smile, and he always admires your beauty by looking at your eyes softly.

Your hair felt soft and pleasant against his skin. He caressed your hair gently. And now.. you were relaxed and peacefully sleeping. Knowing he's beside you makes you feel more calm and loved. Kunikida is such a strict but lovable caring lover.

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(I hope you like it! I love your drawings, btw :3)

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

seeing you mention mangahood purists liking manga/broho bc it's "pure" got me thinking: whenever i see someone shit on 03, they'll say "oh it's too 'dark', scary, depressing" (sorry having to confront/acknowledge imperialism is "dark and scary" lmao) and yet, in the same breath, i've seen several turn around and praise mangahood/broho for its "mature themes" and its handling of "dark topics" and it's like... are the mature themes in the room with us?? this is pure speculation and i'm sure i'm not saying anything new here, but i think a large part of why mangahood purists hate 03 is bc it makes them uncomfortable. 03 does not give the viewer the luxury of turning away from the atrocities amestris commits to liore/ishval; they're forced to confront it head-on throughout the show (see: ed standing among a graveyard of liorians, ishvalans getting targeted no matter where they go, etc) and there's no "the military was controlled by supernatural monsters all along!!!" to conveniently pin the blame on either. it's the military itself that's the problem and needs to be taken down. and mangahood/broho purists just don't like that i think.

The critical eye towards the military absolutely makes them uncomfortable and you're right to say it. In fact, it's 03's focus on the suffering begotten by the military and the relative centering of its racialized victims that spoils the fun for a lot of people.

[Because I have a pathological need to ramble for eternity, here's a readmore:]

Without fail most fans who hold Brotherhood and/or the fma manga up to be this dark, mature, incisive piece of entertainment will then levy the weight and severity of the topics they think mangahood adeptly tackles (lol) as a strike against the first anime adaptation. It's practically rote at this point.

They love dark stuff! Except when it's actually dark. Which is therefore too dark. And fma 2003 commits the sin of being dark in ways that the manga isn't, so it's obviously edgy fanfiction for immature sickos who rage against happiness and friendship. It's immature to like adaptations that depicts difficult topics, and genocide as a topic should be an inspiring romp with quirky pals! 😒

It's very telling too. Because the way homunculi are created and societally and personally (mis)function in this version of the world is a mixture of horror storytelling and allegory (for the most hidden and reviled classes of people). It's dark! Certainly I've seen some people complain about the gore and blood associated with the homunculi, their appearances, and their actions. But that's not the truly petrifying darkness that 03 haters gripe the most about. Sometimes they even celebrate that specific element of the 2003 adaptation! No, it's as you said: the highlighted hideousness of the military and its imperialism is what makes them balk in revulsion.

How dare a show about real topics like genocide and fascism not bury the travesties under a thick layer of positive gusto! It should be dripping in sludgey shonen bravado, perhaps even carry the cutesy-kid friendly veneer akin to an 80s GI Joe cartoon instead. Make soldiers fun again! What's with all of this death and misery? Why are people being shown as rightfully disgusted by and against the State?! How come these characters can't overcome their idiosyncrasies, ideologies, and traumas to win the day?? Wait, our military guys aren't even being lauded for feeling sad and get everything they want as a reward??? Scar is willing to sacrifice himself for liberation and we're not fed some pap that helps us despise him and feel suitably smug and comfortable in our own privileged lives while he condemns our propensity for siding with soldiers? That's not right, Scar's a villain! Soldiers are honest good guys! Hold up, there's RAPE?! In my silly anime about imperialism?!!? UM?!

Time and again I find posts ranting about how the 03 writers "had no idea what to do with Scar, so they waste his entire character". Once I get over the initial offense that this causes me (lol), I'm left sitting here wondering what the fuck they're talking about. Did they even watch this show? How can anyone even so much as think this, when he's a pivotal character? And increasingly I have come to realize it's because he doesn't have that fuck-awful ~redemption arc~ (excuse me while I throw up) that everyone looooooooves in mangahood. It's because he would sooner obliterate every single Amestrian soldier across the land than renounce liberation and buddy up to the pigs. He dies accomplishing his greatest act of love for the survivors of genocide, but since these people turned their brains off as soon as "03 diverged from the manga" (which the show does from episode 01 but don't let that get in the way of their manga-purity) they think the Liore arc is random happenstance, with no rhyme or reason, and Scar is still a """""""villain""""""" AND he dies (character deaths always means you wasted a character btw), so therefore fma 2003 is pointless darkness that spits on Arakawa personally.

Never gonna forget the posts that gripe about Scar being "disrespected" in 03 because he... dies on the ground. Guess we're throwing context and analysis to the wind and just misrepresenting scenes for cheap points. Better to make Scar feel like human garbage because he killed genociders! Now THAT'S respectful!

People don't like it when a character dies for their principles and is lauded by the narrative for it too. All of this is too much for the enlightened mangahood purist! It paints such a dire image of what the colonized have to do to push back against their colonizers! Can't we all just get along (and both-sides the invasion of Ishbal)?

Guess there aren't enough tone-annihilating chibi gags interspersed between every other shot of Ishbalans being rounded up into prison vehicles by Mustang and Riza to assuage viewers that all is well, actually. Concentration camps are total bummers. Aren't the Ishbalans supposed to be living tranquil, idyllic lives in the slums ala mangahood?

That's the other piece of the hate against 03: that it doesn't mercilessly break the melancholic, tragic, violent, and ethical/philosophical tones and quandaries with incessant jokes. The majority of the time, you are meant to stew in it, ask yourself hard questions too, while peeling away some of the mysteries presented and seeing how multiple factors play into the actions and circumstances of these characters. None of these factors absolve anything, they are merely another string in the show's web. Levity is mostly sparing. It does exist! Mostly in the earlier eps, with the odd palette cleanser in the middle of the show. But it's hardly as over the top as your average Brotherhood episode, which is incessantly brimming with jokes, gags, chibi/cartoon style shifts, quips, and buddy-buddy comradery, over and over forever. Are we even beginning to feel the tendril of despair from something that happened in Broho? Nope no worries, here's a goofy-whatever suddenly thrown at the viewer 3 seconds into any emotional state that is less than hopeful and cheery.

are the mature themes in the room with us??

The mature themes are dressed like low rent clowns who forgot their props, but I'm meant to play along like it's a mastercraft of artistic expression.

We could contrast 03's depictions of imperialism vs mangahood's, but I want to highlight a different, prime example of how paperthin Brotherhood's darkness is:

Ed and Al's human transmutation.

This moment in 03 has long lasting effects beyond what it did to the Elric brothers' bodies, with this act having created a tortured and exploited entity who can only envision escaping the pain by obtaining retribution against them. Ed lives in denial for as long as he can, until he's run up against a wall and has to dig up Trisha's grave. He has to kill his creation using a stolen piece of his mother's remains. Is this doppleganger truly his mother? Can she ever forgive him? Does he have the right to take an unlife just because he forced her into being, and abandoned her? He will grapple with that for the rest of his life, while having nearly torn his relationship to Al apart in the process. And for his own sake, he will dehumanize homunculi in order to survive his ever growing pain.

Meanwhile, in mangahood? Well, here's this heavy moment where Ed tells Pinako that he's going to face what he did and dig up the body he transmuted buried under the burned house. Things are tense. The mood is almost suffocating, the sky dark, the sound of dirt being shovelled almost sickening. Ed throws up, Pinako trying to help him persevere. He hits something. There's hair. He holds up these spare strands, looking shaken. This isn't his mother's hair? Oh thank goodness, he never harmed mom. In fact, what he transmuted was an empty fucked-up vessel that Al's soul briefly wiggled around in. Phew! Alright awesome, we're all good and all doubts have been wiped away. Mommy wasn't desecrated after all! Here's Trisha's soul later on being so super proud of her boys. Yippee!

So dark mangahood! What the hell was 03's problem tho? /s

Anti-03 posts can sometimes be fun if you're a jackass like me, because I can't help but feel like a smug dirtbag when someone admits to how hard they cried after watching the show- someone even admitted that's why they hate 03! It hurt too much. So odd to see this framed as a negative. I love the hurt. I love when a story challenges you, doesn't make it go down easy, when it has the guts to admit to the hideousness of what was intended to be taken for granted in other contemporaneous media.

I understand that having such emotional overflow and the weight of sadness can be very difficult for some folks. Sometimes you might not even be in the mood for it. But you would think that a show producing feelings of sorrow was a grand affront according to these more aggrieved critics. It's practically an insult to them! Yet when Brotherhood (somehow) renders people to tears, it's a plus. Guess Broho over-plays its saccharine assurances, so that the tears feel cathartic rather than challenging.

Although I have my opinions on the wealth of coddling stories, toothless entertainment, and all the propaganda barely hidden within so much of it; I don't necessarily look down on some people wanting more gentle or alleviating stories. Positivity is not a grievous need, nor am I immune from generally needing some form of it too. However I do think it ridiculous how desperately people in relatively powerful nations want stories about genocide that make them both feel as though they are baring witness to the darkness of the world (a reassuring pantomime to turn your brain off to), while still so sanitized and airy that it soothes their anxieties and ensures them that they shouldn't have to look in the mirror even once. If people simply liked Brotherhood because they like shonen battles or teenagers being friends or some shit, then at least it would be a more honest appraisal of what Brotherhood adequately offers.

However the repeated assertions that it's a mature story or has any aplomb to its surface-level use of challenging themes is comical. Alongside hailing Brotherhood as an anti-racist, anti-military story, but I've harped on about that hypocrisy more than enough times. We know the drill.

I just can't take this specific criticism against 03 seriously. Not because 03 is beyond critique, or that people can't be indifferent to it or dislike it, but it's a hell of a farce to boo it for the same reasons they claim to adore mangahood. They want a "brave noble soldier who solves everything" story. A fluffy copaganda battle anime with none of the ugliness of militarism from the viewpoint of its victims. That's it.

[kinardscake]

My speculations and predictions about the 2 upcoming episodes

Gerrard. I think it’d actually be a great way to show Tommy’s vulnerability. He’s grown a lot over the years, overcoming his cap’s influence but old scars still hurt sometimes.

I think Chimney, Hen and Tommy will interact with him. (Because I want more scenes with these three, pretty please) And Buck will see the tension. Tommy and Buck will talk about his years at the 118, how it wasn’t a good place until Chimney showed up and shook things up for Tommy. (Hoping they’ll grow even closer to each other, and a public kiss in front of Gerrard would be a cherry on top of all bucktommy scenes)

Hopefully this talk will make Buck think about how lucky he was to end up working under Bobby’s leadership which will lead to the nice Bobby Buck moment.

Bobby. It could go two ways: he’ll either relapse or hurt himself in some way. Based on the hospital info, I’m leaning towards the second thought. Athena asks for help, Chimney will say it’s not the first time he’s been acting this way. None of their plans to help Bobby will be successful. But there’s a fire coming, if someone from the team gets hurt, Bobby will jump in with no hesitation (and no gear) to save them. He succeeds but ends up in a hospital (and it probably won’t look good because if Peter was filming ep8, he’s probably not featured much in eps9,10). Also if he’s in the burn unit, it’ll explain Amir’s presence on the show.

Eddie. Ryan said Eddie will feel isolated from everyone. Buck will find out about Kim, a big blowout incoming. Not just with Buck, but with his family probably too. (Because families are messy and they will always find things to fight about)

He hasn’t talked much to Hen or Chimney about his personal problems as I recall. The only person he’s always confided in was Bobby. (Like when Shannon died and Bobby showed up at the hospital, that was the first moment he let himself feel the pain that day). With Bobby in the hospital, in critical condition, and with Buck not speaking to him, he doesn’t really have anyone else in his life. And if Kim and Marisol find out about each other, his life will blow up in even more ways, which will create a path for a pretty great arc for him in S8.

[johanarchy]

Lately I've been having a lot of fun creating some Chaos Marine OCs and I thought I might introduce them here !

So behold ! A very unlikely friend group :

The Iron Warrior is called Cassius Merle, the Death Guard is Mychos Ankou and the Emperor's Child is named Antares Fitz.

I have a whole story for how they met, but the short version is that they all got stranded on a ruined world after the end of the 13th Black Crusade and had to team up to get away.

I have informally named them The Smelly Trio because they all stink. They bicker. They share a braincell. Together they can overcome anything.

Mychos and Antares are in a romantic relationship. No one understands how it happened, least of all the two of them. Cassius is in some kind of queerplatonic partnership with both, though he would rather die than to admit that he actually likes them.

More doodles and yapping under the cut (ft me not being fully set on what their armours look like)

"I really don't care for the Gods. Like everything, they serve a purpose, but I have never needed their help blowing walls up, and I don't see why that should change."

Cassius is the youngest, he was recruited just a few decades before the Black Crusade. As most post-Heresy Chaos Marines, he isn't his Primarch's gene-son; he comes from Imperial Fist geneseed, something he feels extremely angsty about.

He's short of height and of temper, and though he tries very hard to be the hypercompetent brain of the group, he is absolutely not suited for leadership, or for functionning outside of the rigid structure of his legion. That's not his fault, he was just never really taught critical thinking. Or proper social skills.

He likes manual labor, it makes him feel useful and lets him turn his brain off, both things he desperately needs.

"You misunderstand me. I do not wish for the end of humanity. Humanity delights me, like all species of living beings do. But to think that, just because I am part of it, that I should believe it above the laws of nature ? No, this is something that I cannot accept."

Mychos is the oldest, having actually been part of one of the first waves of Death Guards from Barbarus. He used to be, and technically still is, an apothecary, but nowadays his duty is mainly to create more and more elaborate biological weapons for his fellow Plague Marines to use.

He carries himself with the unnerving friendliness and cheerfulness that only nurglites can have, and with a sort of "gentle giant" attitude that makes many people dismiss him as slow and simple minded; but do not be deceived, this is a wisened veteran who knows the world he lives in, he's just very chill about it.

He is a big nature lover, with a soft spot for fungi, which he lets grow over his exposed bones. He tends to start little gardens in every place he stays in for more than a few weeks, something he is exceptionally skilled at. He talks to all living things in his little ecosystems, plants, fungi, insects, even bacteria, and sometimes they actually answer.

"The problem with the Imperium is that it's run by losers and prudes who have never had a single minute of fun in their lives, and they expect everyone else to be as miserable as them or die. I say fuck them. Do whatever you want. If your so-called-God has a plan, you won't live long enough to see it happen anyway."

Antares is also fairly old, being of the original Emperor's Children stock, but he joined the legion at the tail end of the Great Crusade, just before the Heresy, so to him, the influence of Slaanesh has always been an integral part of it.

As such, he became the very picture of selfish hedonism; indulging his impulses and never thinking about consequences. This makes him a pretty bad soldier, as he does not respond well to authority and struggles greatly with delayed gratification. His saving grace is his skill as a fighter, especially on difficult terrain where his satyr-like mutations offer him great mobility. He had to heavily modify his armour to accomodate his legs, but his own vanity was also very much a factor in some of the choices.

Like any good slaaneshi, he loves his drugs and sex and music, but his true passion is food. He is teaching himself to cook, to varrying degrees of success, but mostly he tends to pillage the kitchens of whatever place he is helping raid at the moment. His taste is not refined, he just chases intensity in flavour.

I have more to say but it would take entirely too long to type it all up so I will stop there for now. Thank you for your time !