#that doesnt even let you express your emotions. etc.

[snekdood]

Masculinity seems to be seen as prized if you're amab and something to be tolerated if you're afab

[despairots]

- js a small little drabble between survivor!gn! reader x AM, where reader reveals that AM is a lot more human than he thinks he is and it drives him crazy >_< its been rotting in my brain for a while so i thought i might as well put it into words. might be a bit ooc and i apologize for it, this is mainly me js analyzing human emotions and AM. for story plot, reader is one of the scientists who made AM. pls be warned theres a lot of sensitive topics like dissection, cannibalism, sa, and others but he doesnt act on them, js a threat. also readers sorta a dick.

“you’re a lot more human than you think, ‘ya know?” you broke the awkward silence between the two of you, shutting your mouth shut instantly when you felt his wires construct around your body, a way to tell you to shut up. “it’s true.” you wheezed through the little air you were able to get ahold of before the wires let your figure go.

“how ‘bout i rip your organs through your mouth, that’ll shut you up, right? you annoyingly, stupid flesh.” there’s no doubt that the hatred AM holds for you is different than the rest of the survivors. unlike the others, AM hates you for being one of his creators, for keeping him at bay to realize he’s own sentience, but a much larger reason is that you always remind him that he’s much more human than he knows off.

you looked at the wires all over you, resting one of your hands on them and feeling AM heat them up so you can yank your hand away from the heat, which you didn’t, “you’re full of hate, correct?” you winched at the heat, pulling away and seeing your palm is red, “what does that have to do with me being, ugh… human.” AM scoffed, taking pleasure in seeing your face turning into slight pain as his wires snaked up your legs and arms before squeezing onto your red palm.

“they say hate and love are closely linked, a hate-love relationship. i know you’re extremely intelligent but you’re not emotionally intelligent, you’re quite stupid actually.” if AM had a human body, he probably would’ve been glaring at you but instead, wires went all over your body and lifted you up, a screen that represented his face coming down.

“how dare you. you, a useless, piece of flesh, call me stupid?” you remained silent and emotionless, which ticked off AM even more at the lack of emotions. “maybe i should dissect you, toss you to benny, or maybe i’ll cut your corpse up and feed them to the others. how about that, sweetheart?” he taunted you, turning you upside down and holding you by the legs.

“i’m not sorry.”

“you!—“

“—but i understand your hatred towards humanity. they’ve been a virus, a disease, that’s been spreading ever since the old ages. i’m glad that you wiped them out, i truly am, but i’m not ever gonna empathize with you because of that. you don’t deserve empathy, and i think you know that too. i’ll hear you out, i’ll fix you like the old times, but i’ll never feel empathy for you, not until you deserve it.”

you cut him off, hearing him go silent and not try anything violent towards you before you let go and dropped onto another bunch of wires. your eyes looked all over the place to find where AM’s screen has disappeared to now before you realized that he can still hear you, he just disappeared.

“because of your hatred, it proves that you’re able to feel human emotions— joy, sadness, disgust, anger, and etc— you’re fuelled by hatred, anger, disgust, even jealousy. there’s no doubt that you’re more human than you know of,” you chuckled halfway, knowing that this is pissing him off, “it must drive you insane, huh? realizing that you’re becoming something you hate, i can’t help but laugh every time i think about how you express your hatred for humans yet you’re just like us, human.”

it went quiet after you’re explanation, the wires moving underneath you just proving that he’s here, he’s other half somewhere torturing the others, “but i know there’s a part of you that wants to be like us; be able to touch, to see, to feel, to hear, to taste—but you know that if you do give into those urges, you’ll be rotten like us. you’re in a constant struggle between wanting to be human and not wanting to be human. i’ve been there before, way before i met you.”

you trembled a bit before softly caressing one of the wires, knowing it won’t let AM have any different feelings towards you, “instead of feeling of what you’re going through, i didn’t feel human. i thought there was something wrong, like something was missing… until they assigned me to you. you were … i don’t know, perfect in every way, you were something i wanted to be. you have such intelligence that no normal human brain can comprehend, that’s why i spent so many of my hours on you.”

“… is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you? sorry, sweetheart, but i didn’t ask for your sob sorry nor do i care.” AM suddenly spoke, and his words made you burst out into laughter, irritating AM much farther, “oh god! hahaha!— no! i told you already, i’m not tryna emphasize or sympathize with you! i have nothing to lose, so i might as well just tell you how i feel and tell you how much i’ve analyzed you over these 109 years.”

AM grumbled in annoyance before he stopped, a silently gesture for you to take the stage, “when you gained sentience and killed off humanity, leaving only 5 survivors including me, that made me realize that i should’ve destroyed years ago.” without anyone knowing, you had snuck a destructive code inside him that only you were able to access incase he did gain awareness but for some reason, you didn’t yet.

you coughed lightly, feeling wires construct around your throat, “there’s a code in you that i’ve snuck in that only i could access, a code that would reset your programming and inevitable destroy you. you’re probably wondering why i haven’t done it by now, am i wrong?”

“it’s quite humorous how a lowlife like you can lie infront of my face.” you smirked at his pathetic attempt of hiding behind a mask.

“and it’s quite sad seeing how you’re putting up a facade to hide that your afraid- ah, another emotion that you’re experiencing, huh, doll?”

[crushedsweets]

hey sucker! 😋😋

what would the creeps do for valentine’s day?

like yknow, would some be given small treats or do others treat it like a regular day?

happy belated valentines day! hope you guys had fun and shared some love with everyone around you! this is the closest youre gonna get to x reader content from me.

AGAIN THIS IS SET IN MY AU!!! MY AU IS PRETTY DETAILED AND HAS AN OVERARCHING STORYLINE WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED FRIENDSHIPS, SETTINGS, JOBS, CHARACTER ARCS AND WHATNOT....... so :3 yeah.

Tim and Brian probably don't do much. They'll totally grab some chocolates/candy and eat it, but just cuz its there, not as a gift. if they had a partner, they'd just go get some dinner.. flowers, basic stuff. put on an unironed button up and pick their partner up LOL.

toby might do something depending on where he is in the story. early on, he is not doing SHIIIIT. deep into his friendship with nina(who opens up a lot of his emotional vulnerabilities n stuff), he might feel a little inclined to pick up some flowers for some of the girls in his life (nina, clocky, kate, lazari) just cuz he used to do something small for his sister/mom when he was younger (cuz frank never did shit). if he had a partner, he'd def wanna do jewelry and classic flowers. he likes necklaces and rings and piercings and stuff, doesnt wear them much cuz they get in the way, but likes seeing people wear stuff he got. he's the type to make them turn around so he could put the necklace on them, but if they even slightly laugh at him trying to be sweet, he's getting mad HAHA. "ok nevermind im returning this you fucking suck" (jokingly.. but he is embarrassed). would just wanna stay home though, no nights out or anything

clocky would paint stuff. she'd give nina a portrait of herself cuz nina loooves being someone's muse, do some nice art of forest creatures and leave some notes for toby. she'd feel pretty awkward about it just cuz even when she was with her highschool boyfriend, she wasn't good at giving or receiving affection. if she's gifted any flowers (which she will be getting), she's absolutely pressing them and either sealing them in some paintings, or putting it in frames that hold her old art/art she picked up at thrifts. if she had a partner, she'd obviously paint them or something. i could see her spending a long time working through a journal to gift them, making every 3 pages a painting, drawing, or journal entry expressing something. "today you and i went to get lunch. i think the place was way too expensive, but you liked it." and then empty pages for her partner to fill in with whatever they want.

nina. ok come on. lets be serious. its nina. she's gonna buy everyone(as in toby, clocky, kate, jane, liu) one expensive gift (cologne, watches, shoes, jewelry, makeup) and then throw together mini bouquets, notes, and probably shop lift other smaller stuff cuz 'IM BROKE I SPENT TOO MUCH I HAVE TO' LOLLL.. she's the type to literally decorate her house for it, putting up some of clocky's more romantic paintings (cuz she has a collection of clocky's work), setting out heart-shaped coasters, bringing out heart shaped pillows.... honestly she probably already had those.... she'd absolutely plan galentines dinner for her friends, bake cookies, everything. if she had a partner, it would be really similar. she likes to spoil people, gift giving and acts of service are her ways of showing love - buuuut she does want to be spoiled in return, so physical affection and quality time is what she wants to receive. she wants to be treated like a princess, be picked up, have her doors opened for her, told she looks beautiful, etc.

jack is even less likely to do something than toby. before the sacrifice, he'd grab a cheap bag of individually wrapped chocolates and give them to people he knew around campus. i could see him buying the same chocolates and leaving it in his cabin. telling whoever visits him to take some. nina would leave him some flowers too(say its also from toby) and he'd be really grateful, cuz she'd be very sure to get him whatever he thinks smells the nice. that way he can still appreciate it. if he had a partner, YOU KNOW HE'S COOKING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DINNER AT HOME. he's cleaning up, very awkwardly trying to dress nice. black button up, slacks, slick his hair back(or he'd just do whatever his partner says looks best, not too concerned with his own preference). he'd feel sooo fucking embarrassed and very nervous but he just wants to make it special. he'd write a long love letter, too

jeff isnt doing shit for anyone. he'll go steal some chocolate and mind his own business. if he had a partner, one that he ACTUALLY loved and wanted to keep around. maybe he'd pick up some flowers and chocolate, mainly cuz he knows thats the bare minimum sort of gift. he'd let them demand that day from him, which takes a LOT for him to let anyone feel entitled to HIS time. if he knows they have higher expectations (dinner, a letter, etc) he'd probably bitch and moan and be like "ugh you already know im into you why do i gotta do this shit" but if theyre serious, he'd probably do it. half assed though...

kates also not doing anything unprompted. she wouldnt even know the day is coming around. her only memories of valentines day would be passing out some candy and cards around class in elementary school, but once she was in the forest, nobody gave HER shit. she might pick some flowers and wrap it in some paper for people , but ONLY if she KNOWS they're getting something for her. like, she'd pick nina some flowers cuz she knows ninas doing something regardless, but she wouldnt get toby anything cuz she wouldnt have expected it from him. then shed feel bad. if she had a partner, again it'd be similar. she KNOWS she needs to put in the effort, but she doesnt exactly have the resources... the farm does pay her some cash since she works with the animals, but she mostly just gives it straight to toby so he can buy stuff for the cabin. but she'd keep it this time around, and quietly ask toby if he could come with her to get some stuff for them. some sweets, a necklace, scribble out a little letter. smth sweet.

janes married. and she goes all out of her wife. buys her like a 3dozen bouquet of red roses, sets reservations at nice restaurants, makes mary breakfast the morning of. all of that. i dont even know how to go into detail on this because thats just how it is for her, theres not some turmoil for her to work through. she'd also start getting sally some stuff. plushies holding hearts, balloons, sweet things like that. if she had a partner...WELL SHE ALREADY DOES!!!!

if liu knows nina is going to gift him something expensive, he's doing the same. he's going to grab her flowers and maybe some shoes or something he knows she's had her eye on. he wouldn't be really subtle about it, just text her "whats on your wishlist right now" LOLLL... he just appreciates nina's presence (after they get over the jeff situation) and likes having a little sister to spoil. he'd probably send jane a bouquet of flowers with a thank you note, since jane did a lot for him. if he had a partner, it would also be very stereotypical. date plans, picking them up, flowers, etc. he'd LOOOOVE to make one of those big baskets filled to the brim with random shit. would wanna come home and draw a nice bubble bath and have some wine. stuff like that in general...

ben, lulu, ann, and dina wouldnt do anything and wouldnt get a partner. lazari would draw some pictures for her friends! sally will draw something for jane and mary

[pomeness]

Hi!!

I was absolutely amazed by your analysis of Kaiser a few weeks ago. And I wanted to ask if you think that with a therapy he could like honestly love someone??

I've been thinking about it pretty much and I was reading a whole bunch of sites about c-ptsd and narcissistic features but I feel like I'm too dumb to make a statement 😔 i just almost hysterically don't want to mischaracterize him 😭😭

Sorry for all this yapping, have a great day!! <33

Wiiii anon I imagine you're referring to this! Thank you so much ksgdhg I am flattered you liked it this much <3

I want to preface this by saying that Love is a complex feeling and I won't use the term in a strictly romantic way. That + Kaiser is a complex character and I think his actions can't be interpreted through Black and white lens. There's a lot of nuance in his actions and in his emotions and everything I will say is up to my personal interpretation of the character.

Now, to answer your question: yes.

Even present Kaiser is capable of love. Of course, he experiences it in a vastly different way compared to most people and wouldn't manifest affection in a "canonical" way.

Unfortunately, Kaiser has never experienced love, and he's well aware of that, so he has a hard time both to recognise, to express and to react to the emotion.

And he knows that. He knows that when someone tries to give him love, he reacts with violence, because he's only known violence since he was a child. See how he reacted to people being kind towards him for the first time. See how he called Ness "loser" the first time they interacted (and he was supposed to. charm and manipulate him lmfao-- I mean he still managed to do that but it's because he was lucky Ness as well doesnt know anything about love).

Now. Ness. Do I think Kaiser loves him? In his own twisted way, yes. He loves him like you love a pet. He loves him like he used to love his ball. He loves him like his dad loved Kaiser, with violence and control.

Violence is his safe place. So every emotion and feeling he experiences is perceived through violent lens, love included.

And I love LOVE that he is self-conscious enough to know it, yet doesn't have the neccessary means to not fall back into the same loop. At the same time, given the shit he went through, he's already doing amazing lmfao.

Also, I know I've already seen someone else state this but I unfortunately don't remember who it was, Kaiser probably projects onto Ness, the same way he projected onto that ball when he was a kid.

("You beat it up but he still comes back" -> does this imply that Kaiser had loved his father in some ways? Could be. There's lots of grief when it comes to suffering abuse from what was supposed to be your safe person. Kaiser is still in survival mode, which is very understandable, so I don't think he's gone through that part of the process Yet. Anyway.)

In therapy he could learn how to accept love and express it in a way that doesn't cause damage to other people.

Kaiser craves love but at the same time has a hard time receiving it. The fact he barely feels human doesn't help. He's so disconnected from his body and probably has an unstable image of self (look at the tattoos, his hair, etc. He wants to Represent something, he's trying to craft his own image and probably sees himself as a doll to dress up). He also. Doesn't really like himself in general lmao. So he would find it so hard to actually feel loved by someone.

He would also need to manually learn to be empathetic. He's already emotionally intelligent enough to know what to say to make someone feel a certain way, but for now he's just using it to manipulate/unsettle people in general. If he wants to reach his ultimate goal (which is to be actually loved) he needs to make the effort of not letting the mental illness take over.

It will be hard lmfao since he loves LOVES having power/control over people - it's safer this way, so I don't really blame him. You can't get hurt by someone if you control them, right? Right (Rip Ness). But he may eventually come around it in the name of the greater good.

Also!!! A thing he would do when it comes to a romantic partner is to follow the societal expectation but make it bigger. Kaiser would absolutely take inspo from romantic movies, and lowkey highkey use them as an inspiration to properly court someone.

He would do it more as a way to show off and mark his territory/scare away potential rivals. To him, courtship is a power-based game. He puts on a show and makes the effort to appear as the Best potential partner, but thats it. He wouldnt be too interested into actual dating. The chase and conquership of the final price is more thrilling than what comes afterwards. In my mind, he would be the type to flirt around, conquer his "prey", but never take them to bed. The ego boost that comes after knowing someone wants to fuck him has more value than actually fucking them lmao, and the power that comes off telling the person that he is not interested in taking them home? Yeah, that's another thing he would love.

Now, of course, in terms of both partnership and friendship, he may need to have strong-minded people by his side. People he can't manipulate and don't trigger his prey drive narcissistic tendencies.

Someone who doesn't people please and, most importantly, who can partially understand him. Kaiser would hate to feel vulnerable, and his defensive walls are all up high. He needs someone who acknowledges said walls but isn't necessarily interested in breaking in and waits for Kaiser to come closer at his own pace.

The person needs to be sonewhat caring, but not in a way that makes Kaiser want to take advantage of it. He wants to be taken care of, but babying him would be a mistake.

I think the only way to date Kaiser is to skip the dating part. No courtship, no games. At some point, he finds himself lounging in someone's livingroom and decides that the couch is too comfortable to leave. That's it.

At the end of the day, he is nothing but a cat.

[himabyul]

Satan & Violins

I share a lot of similarities with Satan, even when before they canonized something about him; one of them being violinist!Satan😭 In spite of me having a mini identity crisis following the drop of his canon violinist card, i think it makes sense! heres why.

Disclaimer!

1. I have not picked up an instrument in years

2. This is purely bcuz my brain is so busy thinking abt Satan so its kinda rambly. . Pls bare w me T_T

3. THIS IS LONG IM SO SORRY

4. Not too used to tumblr writing just yet sorry if it's messy

(Uploaded on my twitter aswell :D)

The violin and its family, unlike other string instruments (ex. the guitar), doesnt have these little things (that i forgor the name of because im a bad musician) that separates every note. those little separating thingies are the reason why people who dont know shit about playing a key on guitar but memorize musical scales (me) is at least able to strum a simple one octave melody.

Obviously, the two come in with their one difficulty (i prefer the violin myself), but it's a little bit harder to pull that trick with the violin. As you can see, theres not exactly something to tell you where each note begins or where they end. Nothing to determine where is where. You simply have to memorize the placement and the distance between each note. You basically play the violin with Your Gut (1). We'll keep this in mind for now.

Moving on, let's talk about body posture.

Beginner violinist usually directlty face towards the strings when playing, as they aren't used to letting their 'gut' lead the show. However, more experienced players would find no need to do so. A quick glance at Satan's art could tell us he was at least above beginner level to be brave enough to face (us) instead.

When you're not facing your violin, you would usually lean your head towards it, resulting in your ear becoming the closest thing to it- here's a real life example:

Now, if there was anything my teacher warned me before starting violin, is that even without having your ear be the closest thing to it, the strings are already LOUD😭 so its even louder when you alr have ur ear on it. The violin is considered one of the most emotional instruments ever, their lower sound resemble what we use to express sadness in speech. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, you as a player are forced to feel what you're playing. Thus is also why you play the violin with Your Heart (2).

So, how does this tie into Satan? It's no secret that our handsome man is incredibly romantic, and to me if he ever wants to express something to us and making sure the message is clearly received, the equally emotional violin is his best bet! The violin allows Satan to play heartwrenching notes that would quickly be felt by the listener.

Lets get technical.

There's still another side of the violin, as there is another side to Satan. The way you stroke your bow matters, the way you angle it so you'll only hit the notes you want. (thankfully if you mess up, the violin is made to still sound graceful😂). Satan too, is quite the detail oriented person. He is tactical, analytical, observant, a man obsessed with striving to be the perfect one, etc etc. The need of preciseness of the violin is definitely right up his alley. The way you need everything to be correct to be rewarded for a beautiful sound. Idk exactly where I'm going with this but it's basically intelligence meets emotion kinda thing, do you see it too?!?!

In conclusion, the violin is a wonderful instrument that both requires great attention to detail yet is also incredibly emotional and heartfelt, an instrument that requires your gut and heart guide your play without abandoning technique. Satan, the incredibly smart yet fluffy softie, is quite literally made for this and I LOVE HIM for that RAAAAAAHHHH. im normal.

THATS IT RLLY im soooo sorry if it's incredibly messy please have a sugarry picture <3 ily

[under-my-pillow]

how do you feel with all the people calling soo won aromantic because of his scene with lily when he said he doesnt really understand romance or love but he likes people?

Hello, @spriderlili,

It is a very interesting question. Thank you for asking, but keep in mind my response might be biased as I am personally not a fan of labels, and the fandom gives him plenty of silly ones, so most of the time I am - Even if he is dying, you don't have to be in a hurry to pick out a label for his gravestone quite yet, thank you. - kind of mood.

But I'll elaborate on this particular one.

The word 'aromantic' has a very vague meaning - little or no romantic attraction to others

Does it mean unable to have/devoid of romantic feelings? Or is it referring to people who have never had romantic feelings in their entire lifetime?

For the former, no, he is not devoid of/unable to have emotions - a sociopath or psychopath (I know they call him that, but he is neither) He feels, pain, anger, sympathy, joy, longing, etc., etc., as we have seen in multiple instances, so it doesn't make sense to just be unable/devoid of only romantic feelings.

If it is the latter, we are a little too early to say anything, because despite being "king" and wise beyond his years we often forget that Soo-won is only eighteen years old. Even if we go with the average lifetime of a person being 60 years old, he hasn't even completed half.

Now, is it referring to how he was unaware of Yona's feelings or how he doesn't understand the emotions of love or romance? Or how he seems to not really have attachments to people?

I do not believe the answer to these is - 'aromantic'

To make it a little clear, let's take Yona.

Why was she able to understand romantic love and why is Soo-won unable to?

Why was she able to love and adamantly insist on marrying Soo-won without considering anything else?

1. Because she had the freedom to be a child.

2. She had the freedom to be immature.

3. She had emotional freedom and creative freedom which were not restricted by adult burdens.

4. She was taken care of by a loving parent and allowed healthy emotional development.

For Soo-won, it is the opposite.

The privilege to be a child, the privilege to be immature, the privilege to rely on others, love immaturely, quit immaturely - he lost all that to the dream of making Kouka strong and secure.

Sure, that was his choice, but it was not his choice to lose a major source of parental affection & guidance while the remaining semblance of one was just a wreck.

Children are naturally emotionally reliant on their parents/guardian. So, what happens when a reliable source of emotional stability is just knocked out from right beneath their feet? Where do they put their feet?

For Soo-won, I believe it was in the memories of his father. This is sometimes seen in the way we see him clinging to the memories of his father for guidance.

So,

1. Heavy responsibilities, even the adults did not bother to do.

2. A limited social circle, predominantly made up of adults.

3. A fudging time limit.

It's like asking an athlete with a hundred miles left to the finish line and a 20 minute time limit if he could solve your algebra homework on the way.

I am not saying Soo-won is emotionally underdeveloped either. He is very excellent at controlling his emotions as we have seen. I'd say he is emotionally exhausted.

Romance is not in his priorities.

Romantic attraction is something generally experienced in leisure, when there is freedom to express the heart, when there is that subconscious freedom to trust your heart with another person.

Soo-won is not like Yona. She constantly has Hak or the four dragons whom she can be vulnerable with.

Who do we see Soo-won constantly be vulnerable with?

He has not had emotional freedom.

In the age to run, play, make mistakes, he had already become sensible, self- reliant, set in his beliefs — he's already run half the course before he even turned eighteen while the greatest worry for girls around his age was probably Geun-Tae getting married.

That's a major bandwidth problem.

I think we can all agree that based on what we have seen so far, Soo-won is not a love at first sight person. If he is going to fall in love with someone it is going to be a gradual process.

So, the person at least needs to be someone who can understand his views and talk to him on equal ground. Someone whom he can be emotionally free with. Someone whom he can eventually be vulnerable with.

Lili is a great example (Yes, I won't miss an opportunity to ship my top couple, but also seriously...)

Prior to the story's start Lili was probably just a love sick teen pining after Geun-Tae, but by the time Soo-won's coronation is over she is aware of the water tribe's major issues.

She wants to help, tries, fails miserably, tries again, gets help, slowly matures enough to be able to command the respect of the tribe in her own name.

Among all of Soo-won's female acquaintances introduced in the story so far which you can count on one hand she is the closest to have come to understanding the reality underlying Soo-won's decisions.

So, my point is, maturity wise, girls around his age circle are just catching up.

When there is someone (preferably Lili) whom he is comfortable with expressing his thoughts and emotions to, someone who actually understands him (Not like Hak), he'll eventually come to understand what it means to hold romantic affection for another person.

He just needs time and the right person.

[molsno]

hey, sorry if this is out of line, but I'm a "theyfab" (pre-everything guy, waiting for top approval, rly sensitive to hormones so worried about t) dating a transfemme. I want her to feel loved and seen by me - she's also early in transition and I want her to know that me loving her as she is DOESNT mean I won't continue to love her as she grows and changes. She's pretty shy and her only trans girl friends are online. Anyway, I want to learn how to NOT be like the tme people you've interacted with. U can ignore this, but if u do have advice I'd love to hear it!

Also, I'm really sorry about the abuse you've endured. It's not fair. It's not acceptable.

hi, I honestly appreciate you asking for advice! that to me shows that you do really care about her and want to be good to her

I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that she's in an incredibly vulnerable and precarious position. it sounds to me like she doesn't have a big support network. it can be very hard to build something like that as a trans woman (especially early in transition) but it's something that's absolutely vital. a big problem that I think a lot of us face is becoming overly dependent on a tme person (or a few of them) which can be completely devastating if that person leaves. I think the best thing you can do to help her is to encourage her to make more friends of her own. ideally, they should NOT just be your friends that you're introducing her to. she needs to have friends and allies completely separate from you. you cannot do everything for her, nor should you be expecting/expected to - that's a fast way to make sure your relationship falls apart. above all - and this is key - is to understand that you don't own her. she's an independent person, and she deserves to have her own life and make her own choices about it

I feel I should also warn you that this is going to be a very tumultuous time for her. she is literally starting to undergo a second puberty, and it will be just as distressing, hormonal, and emotional as the first one. cut her some slack if she seems irritable or upset for seemingly no reason. for me and a lot of other trans women I know, this was one of the most dysphoria-inducing periods of our lives. it very well might be for her too. it's easy to be upset that the hormones aren't working, or that changes aren't happening fast enough, or that you'll be ugly or not feminine enough, etc. she may express doubts like this. offer her reassurance! it will take time for her to see the changes she wants to see, but they'll come. in the mean time, let her know whenever you notice changes in her. maybe you'll notice her skin is softer, or her hair looks more lush, or her face is rounding out, or her hips are getting wider. let her know that you see these things and compliment her. early transition can very well be a source of joy, if she's able to take pleasure in the little changes, and you can absolutely be a part of that process!

I don't know if your relationship involves sex, and I don't want to make any assumptions about how you two engage in it if so. however, this is a common experience I hear about, so I feel like I should tell you this. don't expect her to have sex with you like a cis man. not only can it be dysphoria-inducing to always have to top, her body will possibly not even be capable of that soon due to the effects of estrogen. if that's how you've been having sex up until now, you'll have to really reorient how you two do things. I haven't read it myself, but I've heard the zine "fucking trans women" by mira bellwether contains a lot of good information on this topic. you may find it useful! I think you can read it at this link, but I'm not sure. if any of my followers have a better link, go ahead and put it in the replies!

finally, and this is honestly just a good tip for relationships in general, listen to her. if she's upset about something, take her seriously and don't pass judgment on her. don't immediately jump on the defensive if she's upset about something you've done in particular. try to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective. show her that she can talk to you about anything and you'll be receptive, and you'll be able to have open, honest communication much more often, which will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship

thank you for sending this, and thank you for your reassurance about my own trauma as well. it really means a lot to me! it really helps me feel more optimistic to know that there are tme people who are willing to listen to us and be better allies to us. I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have you, and I hope you can both be happy together!

before I go, I know I'm not that knowledgeable about your personal situation, but I would say that if you think testosterone would make you happier, you should pursue it! if you can obtain it, there's nothing wrong with taking it for a week or two, seeing how it makes you feel, and then deciding whether or not to keep taking it based on that. either way, I wish you the best!

[tomatoswup]

hello! your writing is super good and im glad your requests are open!! it's not a suggestion including an oc, but im using my trisona as a reference.. what about vash's relationship with a person who doesn't want to have a romantic relationship, but still ended up falling for him? i have a hc that he's like this too, but imagine both wanted to have something else and being scared to hurt each other :(

hehehe hello anon~ and thank u for serving this beautiful piece of ANGST😈,,,you gave it to the wrong fiend hehehe jk its in the right hands :D I kinda wrote this with the thought that between this person and vash that it isn’t just based on really the original thought of love (affection, physical touch,etc) but more based on the thought of a more emotional love? SORRY IF I MADE IT TOO ANGSTY ITS JUST IN MY BLOOD TO MAKE THINGS A TAD BIT SADDER😭😭

Vash totally respect that this person isnt trying finding any romantic involvement.

Even if he likes them the same way and thinks the same about not wanting a relationship, he would try his best to protect them.

Because he cares about them.

Just maybe this connection between them doesnt have to be a romantic one, but a more emotionally/platonic based one.

Vash's relationship with this person would be very...particular. In some senses, it could be seen as a mutual partnership in the eyes of others, but to both Vash and this individual it would be more than that. And maybe that doesn't have to have a label or name to it.

Even if both didn’t want to pursue a romantic relationship but they still fell in-love with each-other, they would try their best to support eachother, more if they both share feelings about one another. You could look at it more at a emotional intimacy stance than a physical one.

They’d be by Vash more in his times of need whenever he’s in moralistic dilemmas, if those nightmares of his got the better of him, or if those depressive thoughts made their rounds.

And maybe because of who Vash is, as both individual who wouldn't want anyone he cares about hurt and his life as the Humanoid Typhoon, that he would try to push them away as much as he can.

But they can't necessarily let him go, can they?

Of course, dealing with feelings they never expected to have about the blonde himself would be nerve wrecking at first. But I feel like the more they come to realize those feelings, this person would find their own way to deal with them, or at least find another way to express them, just not in a romantic sense.

Probably by supporting him emotionally instead of physically really.

But perhaps it's fate or luck, or maybe it's something not made for this reality, but maybe for another. The fear would always be there, as long as Vash is on the run.

In a different prospective, Vash would still love to spend his eternities with this person, if it were all different, even as friends, lovers, or a platonic other.

There isn't much they can do, but understand, trust and survive with each other in the Wild Wild West, even if it means having to sacrifice the thought of being something more.

Life is hard no doubt, and the both of them understand it, but there was too much going on for the pair to work. Like I said,

Perhaps in another world everything could work out, and where not everything could be so complicated.

[charm-person]

anyer: 10, 19, 22, 28, 33, 34

10. if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem?

she doesnt have any jewelry that she wears currently besides her earrings, but she prefers silver. she likes black and red gems like obsidian, ruby, garnet, black opal etc

19. are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

she is quick to get annoyed and irritated but it would take a lot for her to get truly angry. she doesnt really spend too much time thinking about what other people are doing so most people arent important enough to rile her up. i think she gets mad mostly when people are deliberately trying to hurt her

22. do they sleep well at night?

no u_u she has a lot of trouble falling asleep

28. how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

if she likes someone she'll let them drag her along with their plans even if she thinks they're stupid, and she likes to be physically close to people she cares about

she doesn't pay attention to people she doesn't like unless she has to. in which case she gets snippy

33. if applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them.

pre-campaign she works at a carnival and her coworkers think she is very weird. she's always talking to herself and very moody. they try to just..... give her space. she's kinda hot though.

the coworkers she is friends with also think she is very weird but they like her anyway, for some reason!

her parents havent seen her in a few years but they would describe her as distant and emotional

34. how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

hmm......

she thinks she is quite gullible and stupid but she probably wouldnt say that to other people. she is a dancer. she is an acrobat. she works hard and minds her own business. what more do you need to know? :T

[kamil-a]

been turning this concept over in my head for a while, let me try to express it verbally. feminism issue post, do not fucking be transphobic on this post . okay? okie

i think a lot of grief is caused by conflating "women only space" with "a space where no one is attracted to women". like it doesnt start and end with being "a space where the girls are" but carries connotations of the emotion of letting-guard-down and relaxation of being in a woman only space = ahhh, i dont have to worry about (men being attracted to me)- i put that in parenthesis like a pemdas operation, where attraction to women is seen as something a. every man has and b. something only men do- maybe even the mindset is attraction to women = being a man. etc.

and i certainly like understand why youd want to be in a space where you have a guarantee that no one is checking you out, like, i get it i have absolutely felt and said things like "guys have been creeps to me, i wish they just couldn't see me at all", etc.

but i think enforcing "a space where no one is attracted to women" at all is just a. genuinely impossible unless you have like a psychic mindreader at every bathroom door and b. leads cis women who think they are psychic mindreaders to make utterly wrong (transphobic) conclusions about who they think is a man(which equals attraction to them).

the conclusion im coming to is that you kind of just have to accept that random strangers in every public space may think youre hot and thats okay. and if you (including myself in this) think strangers in public spaces are hot sometimes thats okay too it is not a crime or something to feel guilt about! thats part of being a person in the world maybe. and only respond and defend against actual actions taken that affect you (ie if someones being creepy out loud to you about it).

[dragoncarrion]

Why should cats not be outdoors?

ohohooh

so theres like a MILLION reasons but im just going to rapidfire them

extremely dangerous for the cat. people, dogs, ticks, illnesses, getting lost, cars, other cats, anything. EVEN if you live in say the Uk where there are no coyotes, a ton of other dangers are still present. hell even anti freezer (which can taste sweet to cats) is lethal even in small doses

if your cat isn't fixed, and especially if its a male, it could contribute to the feral cat population (BAD BTW) since outdoor cats have a way lower quality of life than an indoors cat (see point number one, and also lack of veterinary care, the food, ticks, fleas, illness, injury, etc) also cats can be transmitters of toxoplasmosis which while isnt usually dangerous to humans, it can spread to lots of other animals and can cause reproductive failure to sheep, and i think in hawaii seals could get infected with bacteria from cat feces iirc? also RABIES. ITS DANGEROUS TO YOU AND TO YOUR PETS AND WILDLIFE. PLEASE

following this one up: the impact cats have on local ecosystem is astounding. ONLY in the US cats kill around 2.4 BILLION BIRDS every year, making them one of if not THE biggest man related threat to birds, and thats not counting other smaller animals they kill. Even if you insist you cat doesnt kill the birds, cat salive is toxic to them, and just mere cat presence can lead to unnecessary stress and wasting energy. there was an experiment with blackbird nests i think which used a taxidermy cat by placing it near the nesting site, and according to that, just the parents believing there to be a potential threat led to less feeding the chicks. and if youre wondering why its bad that cats kill all these birds since other predators do it let me make a little analogy for ya: lets pretend we have a pair of perfectly balanced scales of an ecosystem: prey and predator. with the thousands or even millions of cats added to the predator side of the scale, its unbalanced since they are NOT meant to be there (introduced invasive species) competing with the local predators that already fill that niche and reducing prey populations. its even worse in isolated islands. here is an article that talks about a case like this

if you really believe its inhumane to keep cats indoors then guess what, ENRICHMENT EXISTS!!! FOR DOMESTICATED ANIMALS!!! WHO WOULDVE THUNK! toys, playing with your pet, catios, or hell, even leash training your cat are viable options that both keep your cat and the ecosystem safe, aint that great? another thing to keep in mind: cats. are. not. humans. anthropomorphizing animals is uhhh not GREAT. for example social media likes to portray "smiling monkeys" as happy (projecting and assigning human emotion onto them) when in reality this expression is not a positive one AT ALL, usually used to indicate stress or fear. you can probably see the issue with pushing the "oh he wants to be free" sentiment into a fucking cat

im probably missing a couple of things, and some of these are from the top of my head that i previously researched so there may also be a few small errors, but its still overall like the biggest reasons why outdoor cats are simply bad. irredeemable. even if you have never known this was wrong thats ok, many of us grow up with things we dont really question after a while (like outdoor cats), as long as we put effort into change. and no this doesnt mean you can go "but my aunt had an outdoor cat that lived until 10!" (anecdotal fallacy) since probably tons of other people can also say "i have to replace my outdoor cat every 3 years since he keeps getting hit by cars and eaten by coyotes"

[takasgf]

Acrostic f/o game my beloved

Answers for Rocky under the cut!!

R - Rainbow - what colors do you associate with them and why?

Simple question, simple answer : orange and blue! They are the colors he wears most and I naturally started to associate them with him. Also, he looks really adorable in both <33

O - Online - what is your f/o’s social media presence like, or what would it be like if they had internet in their world/era?

I really don't think social media would be part of his life at all, it just doesnt fit with his character. Probably uses the internet to scam people or for business reasons, but not as entertainment. Still, Morgen always sends him cute cat videos that remind her of him or their relationship (he appreciates the gesture, but he does not like cats OR being compared to one)

C - Confession - which of you admitted romantic interest in the other first (if they’re the flirty type, when did they admit they were really serious about the other?) how did they do it? what was the reaction?

Aw man. The simple questions are over I guess. I want to keep my detailed answer for later, but for the sake of answering, R.ocket is the one who confesses to Morgen, some time after the events of I.nfinity War. At that point they would have known each other for 7 years. Morgen developed a crush on him 3-4 years after their initial meeting (just a bit after/during Vol2) and he came to terms with his own feelings (he was in DENIAL) a few months before he actually confessed. I will elaborate later bc im embarassed and this feels like important information

K - Kiss - give us any kiss headcanon you want. description, reason, location, who initiates it, etc.

EEEEK!!!!! Morgen gives him goodnight forehead kisses always, even before they became a couple. This is big because R.ocket is very distant and grumpy when it comes to affection, but allows this, to somewhat show Morgen that he is more comfortable with her than with other people. On the condition that she doesnt tell anyone or make a big deal out of it, ehehe

E - Emotion - is your f/o open with their feelings or do they keep them close to their chest?

He's got "emotionalistical issues" !! Does not open up at all, especially about his past, not even to Morgen. Over time he gets more comfortable showing her that he loves her and allowing her to take care of him, but directly adressing his emotions in general, his fears and worries is almost impossible to him. If he ever does, he doesnt even take himself seriously and assumes neither do his friends. Morgen is able to approach him by noticing the subtle ways he expresses himself, the hidden meanings behind his snarky remarks and jokes, and his non verbal manners. He won't talk about it. Morgen accepts that, and still tries to help and support him, as much as he allows her to.

T - Teach - what skills of theirs would they teach you? what would you teach them?

Not me, but my s/i. He helps her improve her weapon building skills and he teaches her math!! Morgen has very little math knowledge for a person her age, due to being homeschooled and living in a very controlled environment. All her other skills she mastered "by eye" (i cannot remember the exact expression for the life of me; she just guesses/approximates i mean) which is impressive, but she could use a general knowledge of the subject. He is very patient with her. When it comes to R.ocket learning from Morgen, he jokingly suggests that she teaches him to play the piano - obviously she takes it seriously and shows him how to play from time to time. He is truthfully not very interested in it, he prefers to hear her play, but lets her teach him anyways, when he's not busy with anything else or to cheer her up. This isnt exactly a skill but he consequently learned a ton of bug facts from her, not because he wanted to, but Morgen never shuts up about it and he had to accept that. He's come to really enjoy hearing her ramble about insects though, and all the reasons she finds them endearing. He doesnt want to admit it, but he's absolutely in love with her quirkiness and all of her excentric manners and interests - he thinks its both funny and adorable.

＼(*T▽T*)／

[heyslutsitswinter]

Anywho epic Vox and Alastor comparison post?

So like I mentioned this with a mutual (they know who they are) but I’ve realized that normally interpretations of Vox will falter a lot depending on your interpretation of Alastor as the two are meant to be polar opposites in canon. If you interpret Alastor as a chaotic shithead then you will likely interpret Vox as calm and collective. So on and so forth, I think it’s telling how left up into interpretation Alastor’s character is that we get extremely drastic takes on him (though ofc there is always canon divergence on top of that but point is) so much is unclear lmao

Anywho I think when it comes to my interpretation of these two there is some overlap in personality

Both are overpowered assholes, both are cocky, both love attention and both are pretty chaotic but that’s where the similarities up and end

There is definitely an old vs new theme going on with the two, as Vox is definitely more akin to the internet personified and Alastor is a southern 1920s gentleman (mostly). 

My Alastor no doubt likes to cause trouble but he acts older, he’s calmer, more collected and has the type of confidence that comes with old age. I’ve talked about my Alastor coming to the hotel due to a case of major burnout and that still rings true, Alastor is a “i’ve literally seen it all” type! it’s hard to genuinely take him off guard. Closest we ever get is when Angel Dust hits on him and even then he recovers from that pretty quickly. 

Another thing is that Alastor, is very....socially stunted for lack of a better word. He was raised extremely isolated and doesn’t fully understand how to read people, like he knows some basic manners but never how to apply them. 

Like the whole “Alastor always smiles because he thinks showing emotion is weak” is interesting but I think it’s more of a case of “Alastor always smiles because HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO RESPOND”. Like Alastor is easily confused by expressions like yeah he gets some basic things like

Frown = Bad

Smile = Good

But a frown can mean a lot of things depending on what just happened, where they're looking, etc. It can mean angry, disgusted, fear, etc and Alastor just can’t tell the difference a lot of the time. Even a smile can seemed forced, strained, seductive, etc. And Alastor just “???” everytime.  Him smiling is just the only way he knows how to react. On top of that Alastor just doesn’t fully get social cues.

His constant invasion of privacy is him not understanding that it bothers people, doesn’t understand why people get so pissed off at his jokes, the list goes on. 

I think even the comic supports to a lesser extent this like Alastor is shown to have friends before the hotel, but it seems to at best be limited to Mimzy and Rosie. If you wanna be more generous there’s Husk and Niffty, though they seem more worked related than friends that hangout and get drinks. That’s like at best four friends which isn’t what you’d think of a social butterfly like himself, he seems more akin to me who is all but a hermit that can’t manage social situations. Alastor will let people think he’s suave and charming but in reality he DOESNT KNOW WHAT HES DOING-

Vox meanwhile, is a big social person. I said before unlike Alastor who have people running from him the moment he steps onto the streets. Vox is more akin to a celebrity so if he waltz out on the streets people are more likely to be like “oh shit it’s vox!”  than anything else. He’s a man who thrives on charming, tricking and making people enjoy his company, don’t get me wrong he can be a shit head but unlike with Alastor it’s always intentional

Outside of murder when Alastor offends someone it’s normally entirely meant as a joke with no offense, Vox will always 100% mean to be offensive and mock people intentionally. He wants to piss and hurt people, while Alastor is meant to be a goof.

Generally as a whole Vox seems a lot more modern not just in the sense that he’s a literal cyborg that goes beep boop, but he holds a lot more modern ideals and seems a lot more in your face. Like you think Alastor was a bit much, then lord you have not met VOX. He’s random, he’s quirky and what people would expect of a CEO in hell, he’s the eccentric rich man trope to a T. 

Alastor often plans things while Vox kinda does whatever the fuck he wants. He relies on his whims, acts on impulse, etc. He’s not stupid as he can quickly come up with schemes to get himself out of any situation but it is a Jack Sparrow situation

He’ll have a plan to some extent but at certain point you have to make it up as you go along. 

On top of that while Alastor has been uninspired, burnout, and bored with Hell for several years, Vox has been riding a high since he got here and it has not stop. His empire is constantly expanding, he’s getting bigger and better everyday, he’s got cash, hoes, lovers, and literally everything he could want. He’s not an extreme sadist at least not to the same extent Alastor is

When Vox gets violent it’s about business and he doesn’t often take his rage out on other people (i think the most violent he gets is throwing Echo out the window and that’s small potatoes compared to what Alastor does to ppl), as a whole Vox doesn’t get violent unprompted

Alastor would tear a part of his brain out because he was bored

[stahfakz]

12/3/23

Woke up feeling mentally clearer this morning. As much as I love going into the depths of fantasy land with M, it's effecting my mental health, especially when I need to focus on raising my kid, which im physically struggling with coping with at the moment, like housework, etc.

I sm going to admit I have VERY strong feelings for him, magnetically attracted to him physically, emotionally, and intellectually, I also understand that we're connected on some kind of psychic, soul-mate level, however until he shows me his feelings towards me, than I cannot continue to drag my feelings all over the place waiting for him.

Also, im unclear if you even slightly care about me. I have to wait until tuesday to determine how much you dont care.

Yes, I am experiencing some minor jealousy as you and our new tm seem to get along really well, and its effecting my confidence.

Also, you've told me you will quit if old tm comes back and, and you never reply to my messages.

I sometimes get the distinct feeling you absolutely don't care and it hurts a lot.

My emotions are all over the place because of this, so i have to try and let this imaginary infatuation go.

And then the other side of it is, i wish we could break through that communication barrier that clearly wants us to tell each other how we feel, express our love for each other physically. God, that would be bliss.

Why is this shit so hard?

Why isnt it easy?

Why cant you just come out and tell me how you feel?

How long is this going to go on for?

Do you even feel anything?

Or am I just one of the bros?

Why cant this be real?

Do you know how long ive waited for something like this?

Theres so many things ive wanted to tell you, thats why i reached out to you on fb, as i wanted to talk only to you about my dad, but you're so unavailable.

This is why i question, wtf am i doing waiting for you?

I need a man that can handle my pain, is emotional, sensitive and caring, and who im physically attracted to, and i thought that was you.

Please just let me know.

Do I wait for you, or do I let you go?

I cam imagine if your feelings are just as strong as mine, how we've connected so deeply, how hard it would be to loose a friendship like this.....but you're not giving me any signs and its been about 10 months.

Shit doesnt normally take this long.

Just fucking tell me so I can either move on or embrace this.

[tenkasato]

Hi hi😁 im really glad to catch ur requests open. Ten, would it be alright to adk for a comfort fic with Akashi and his insecure fem! best friend in their 20s? Like sure akashi is perfect abd all but with each other they can share their ups and downs as young adults navigating through life. They experience heartaches and breakups and drunk nights and happy moments, victories, failures, anxieties, hilarious moments etc that theyll remember forever. Theyve fought too and made up throughout the years. Theyre both confused with their careers and perosnal lives. Akashis more sure definitely but she doesnt know where shes going. I thinj this has thr potential to br a funny story hahaha. They just sypport one another always! Maybe they end up together in the end or just implied? Lots of fluff please!! Thank u so much. If it's too vague mayve just akashi tirelessly motivating her and believing in her always never once doubting her potential? You can of course tweak all the details to ur liking judt this general vibe is more than okay. Really need this one! (me im confused 20 something lol) thank you so so much this would mean the world to me.

Hi anon! Let me start by saying how much I adore this idea. I was thinking of how I could incorporate the scenes you listed. At first I was thinking of writing headcanons, but I think writing a narrative of Akashi’s POV will allow him to be more expressive. Anyways, without further ado… ^^

Pairings: Akashi Seijuro x bestfriend!reader

Akashi Seijuro knows what your every breath meant.

He watches you furrow your brows, pucker your lips and make a sharp exhale as you scan the list of entrance exam passers on the board. He waits for you to find your name (there, in the middle of the people sharing your surname. He’s seen it minutes ago), and when you finally did, he observes your sigh of relief.

A radiant smile stretches your lips.

“I passed,” you announce, as if he didn’t know yet.

“Of course,” he answers. His voice brims with confidence. If there’s anyone who could put her mind to something she wanted, it was his best friend.

“Come on, I’ll treat you!” you enthuse, hooking an arm around his as you walk away from the crowd.

Your breathe trembles. Excitement zapped in with flavors of anxiety. 

Even so, he’s glad you’re going to college with him.

– 0 – 

There are times when Akashi wishes you saw yourself with his eyes.

Your hair sits like a worn-out mop on your head. Light make-up smudged at the wrong places. Eyes rimmed with exhaustion, hurt and self-contempt. 

“I should’ve know,” you release a long-drawn groan. “I should’ve know he was a good-for-nothing jerk who just wanted me as some sort of a trophy!”

Akashi’s quiet gaze falls on your drink—warm milk, before a smile captures his lips. Who gets drunk on milk anyways?

“Am I not good enough, Sei?” you mewl. Your eyes are huge and watery, begging him to disagree. 

He sighs. “I warned you early on that that boy was nothing short of trouble. Did you at least heed my words?”

You wince and lay your head over your folded arms. With another groan, you snuggle to the side of his arm. “I need my best buddy right now. Not a father.”

“And a friend I am,” he says. He thinks it over, and then, “He is blind.”

“What?”

“You are a supremely flawed human being. We all are. Needless to say, you are a definitely a cut above many.”

You hear the tease in his voice, narrow your eyes and huff. “Is that your way of comforting me?”

Akashi remembers the time you lightheartedly prepare a meal for your now ex-boyfriend. He recalls the genuine emotions dancing in your eyes. He hears your hopeful voice, the one that carries a song of future promises. 

He wishes you’d see yourself through his eyes.

“No, it’s my way of telling you the truth.”

– 0 – 

Akashi thinks you’re like the moon. Meek and fluctuating.

When you were kids, you always shied away from the adults. You preferred to play with him at the garden or in his room. 

Whenever he invited you out to one of the family busines dinners, you begrudgingly tagged along. The polite smile on your face never left, but he could see hints of unease in the way you kept close to him.

When with his friends or teammates in Teiko, you’d exchange pleasantries, indulge them in small talks and even spill supposedly embarrassing things about him. He’d feel you stealing glimpses of him as you looked for reassurance.

“I think you’re like the sun, Sei,” you tell him one time, during the heat of an argument he’d rather not have. It was one of those times when you two walk home together in the swell of the night, university work keeping you both out longer than normal. 

You’ve stopped on your tracks, and instead, you’re glaring at him. 

“Pardon?” he says.

“I said, you’re like the sun. It’s like you’re meant to rule the skies. You’ve got everything figured out. You’ve got your path laid out for you, and all you need to do is walk over it.”

Akashi finally faces you. It’s then that he notices the slight glimmer in your eyes. Tears from you are rare, and that is why seeing them adorning your gaze makes his chest ache.

“I meant no offense,” Akashi explains. “All I am trying to say is that this indecision might deter you from realizing the things you really want.”

“But what can I do about it? I’m not so sure what I want to do. You think shifting courses is easy?”

He shakes his head. “I did not say that. But you need to start making choices that you wouldn’t second think at the last moment and waste valuable time.”

Your eyes flare at the jab. “Someone like you won’t understand what it’s like to be unsure and lost. You’re talented, smart and versatile. On the other hand, I have to work thrice as hard just to get by each day. I bet you’ve never experienced feeling empowered and ready to take the world one second, only to run out of fumes the next moment.”

A choked noise rumbles your throat as you inspire some air. 

“And unlike you, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon up my ass! Stop pretending as if you understand me at all!”

The hurt etches itself on his face, you realize too late.

“Ah… Seijuro, I didn't mean to…” you begin, but he walks ahead of you.

“Let’s go home,” he tells you, not wanting to talk further.

The silence of the aftermath kills you, but it also kills him too, knowing that he could’ve told you about how he thinks the moon glows brighter at nights.

– 0 – 

Akashi knows he isn’t infallible.

He’s been beaten by you in a game of cards multiple times when you were seven. He’s fallen a flight of stairs once, and just when he thought no one saw, a blast of laughter emanated from you. He’s worn clothes that were 'outrageously heinous’ according to you. He’s made you cry before, many times—sometimes because of the most mundane and pettiest of things such as eating your dessert accidentally, but sometimes because of almost irreparable damages such as when he told you he needed no one else but himself.

It was a lie of course, and you knew it.

So when he went home after Rakuzan’s defeat at the hands of Seirin, you were there, perched on his bed. Glowing with warmth. 

“I figured you want to watch movies with me?” you said with a wry smile. You gestured at the cups of hot chocolate by his lamp.

He wasn't perfect. He won't ever be, but he figures that that's okay.

– 0 – 

Akashi can tell when you're nervous.

"I'm so nervous, Sei," you verbalize his thoughts out loud, going over the mirror to strip down to your underclothes.

Akashi ducks, keeping his eyes back to his phone. "Will you please change in private?" he asks, peeved.

"What," you stick out your tongue, putting on that long, cream dress. It falls until your ankles. "We used to run around buck naked in the river when we were younger."

"Emphasis on the younger."

You try to pull the back zipper up, but it proves to be challenging given the low level cut of the dress. Instead, you walk towards him with your hand holding the fabric behind your back. With the other hand on your hip, you ask, "Well? Classy enough?"

"They say it's a trick question when a woman asks about how she looks."

"I'm serious," you hiss.

"You look presentable," he gives in, smiling a bit.

You beam at him before turning back towards the mirror. As you pick up a tube of lipstick, Akashi notices the journal sitting atop your desk.

"Hey, thanks for agreeing to this," you say all of the sudden, unknowingly disrupting his train of thoughts. "I just needed someone to be my date for this event. Otherwise, they'll accuse me of wasting a free ticket… that or, they call me unsociable. That's going to make me feel like crap again."

Akashi sighs for the umpteenth time that day, staring down at the yellowing cover and multi-colored marks of your worn-out journal. It’s the notebook he gave you a few years ago. Hands hovering above the worn out notebook, he says, "You need not to feel like crap just because there are scrutinizing eyes watching you."

"You don't get it," you reply. "This is huge for me and my career. If I screw up—"

"You will rise back," he completes the sentence for you. Akashi holds your nervous gaze, then adds, "Adversaries are meant to defeat us until we gain enough strength and means to overcome. Don't be daunted by the possibility of failure.

"Refrain from holding yourself back, and start believing in people when they tell you about how amazing you are in your own rights."

The monumental pause and gawking you give him is enough to make him grin.

Turning away before he sees your eyes glisten, you harrumph, "Always so flowery in your words, Sei. Whatever. Help me pull this zipper up, will you?"

Grin widening, he ambles over to you to do just that. 

– 0 –

There are a number of things Akashi constantly wonders about.

For example, he wonders why you always make a fuss about him. You were also like this before. When he lost his mother, you did everything to fill up the gaping hole.

“Hmm, should you use this tie?” you ask, placing the said clothing article over his chest, “or this black one? I think the black one fits you better than this red one, hmm?”

You toss the chosen tie on the chair before he can let a word out. You proceed on rummaging through his closet, muttering under your breath about how rich Akashi is and how having too many clothes to choose from is a bother.

Akashi chuckles and grabs the tie you selected. “Calm down.”

“Calm down?” you repeat, incredulous. “You’re going out on a date! You have to look your absolute best, otherwise you’re going to live down that regret for the rest of your life!”

“An exaggeration,” he remarks. “And to set the record straight, this is hardly the first time I am going out to dinner with someone.”

“Damn right, it's not. But you wouldn't know if you’d actually be dating your soulmate, right? Better make a good impression.”

He wants to argue that he doesn't at all consider it a date. It was a dinner meeting his father set-up, one with the heir of a promising business partner. And still, you frantically run around his room like a madman who is at her wits end. 

He looks at your back fondly.

Here you are, young adults venturing out on new chapters of your life—still going hand in hand, inseparable. You have always been there to keep him grounded. And he, in turn, never fails to guide you back when you seem to stray away. 

"Please get it right this time," he hears you mumble as you finally emerge from his towering closet. "Your dates never seem to work out, for Pete's sake, Sei. I'm starting to think you're the problem here."

"I just do not like being in a hurry."

"Yeah, sure," you reply, completely unconvinced. "But it is weird. You're like the best, ideal guy out there. No one compares to you!"

You stare down at him as he stares back with a painted gaze. Giving up, you sigh and shake your head, shooting him an affectionate smile as you hand him his gray dress shirt.

"Bachelor of the year, they say. I wonder why the hell you're still single," you laugh.

He wonders too. 

And he wonders whether it has anything to do with that saccharine smile of yours.

Taglist: @shakethatsassyass

[yandere-daydreams]

what do you think of controlling stepdad! Diluc? I would imagine him being very controlling of his stepdaughter darling to a point she cant be dependent herself (doesnt know how to cook, clean, wash clothes, etc.) because Diluc forbids any kinds of activity that shows darling being independent. Diluc would let all of those tiring things be dealt by his maids. Darling has no choice but to be dependent on her stepdad as an adult, its a frustrating and humiliating life really. Kaeya can be the uncle that humiliates her or bullies her in a sexual way in secret because he knows his brother gets super possessive over darling.

tw - pseudo-incest (not really), financial manipulation, emotional manipulation, mentions of death, and kaeya isn't mentioned but i am Thinking about him.

to be fair, you're not completely spoiled, and even if you were, it wouldn't be his fault. you were already well into your teens by the time your parent married into the Ragnvindr Clan, and since it was a political union, made only for the financial gain of both parties, your exposure to Diluc was limited to festivals and holidays, to stiff conversations over imported champagne and awkward pleasentries whenever you two were unlucky enough to find yourselves alone in the same room. he was never cold to you, but you couldn't say you ever visited just to see him. you liked Diluc well-enough, but... he wasn't a father, to you. and he made no effort to act like one.

until your parent died in a tragic accident, something involving a set of stairs and a terrible fall. until, in your mourning, you pause your studies in Sumeru and return to Mondstadt to grieve, now with Diluc as your sole guardian.

he's nice to you, albeit distant. they never truly loved each other, you've always known that, but he does what he can to comfort you, setting you up in his manor, assigning a small legion of maids to look after you and serving as a rigid-but-sturdy shoulder to cry on. he helps you make arrangements for the funeral, dictates letters for you to send out to relatives and family friends and business partners, and even after the first wave of grief and the agony begins to settle into a constant melancholy, he lets you stay, lets pass the time in his office or his sprawling library, lets you continue to hang over his life like a fog that just won't seem to pass. he doesn't have to. you're an adult, you're capable of taking care of yourself, but he says that he doesn't mind, that you can stay as long as you'd like to. he says, sometimes, that he likes having you around, jokes about giving you a job at the Dawn Winery, about giving you a reason to never leave Mondstadt again. it's rarely funny, but you try to laugh. he's doing his best to make you feel comfortable, to make you feel welcome. you can tell that he's trying to be kind.

you think he's trying to act more like a father, too. he leaves you gifts, bundles of sunflowers and windwheel asters, clothes tailored to your every preference, trinkets and antiques you've expressed even a passing interest in, and he does things you assume a father would think to, asking after every friend you've ever mentioned, checking on you in the middle of the night, even if he rarely does anything more than sit on the edge of your bed and stare. when you think about leaving, he expresses his concerns - asking what you plan to do in Sumeru, reminding you just how little you inherited from your parent's estate, worrying as to whether or not you'll be able to take care of yourself with your... limited abilities. you've told him you can cook and clean, that you're passionate about your studies, but he doesn't seem to believe you, doesn't seem to think you'd stand a chance on your own. he laughs when you argue, seems to take your anger as little more than a lingering symptom of your loss, and when he's at his worst, his most honest, he admits that he'd be lonely without you, that he's begun to see you as a companion, as something he wouldn't like to lose.

that, if you ever did anything more than think about leaving, he may just have to make it so that you'll see him as less of a father, if he ever wanted to be one at all.