#that broken roller coaster my life has been

[pythoness-at-delphi]

you ever get pulled into the past by a memory? A life that once was?

and suddenly youre listening to an old album (now on spotify, once on cd in a walkman with dying batteries) and you REMEMBER.

you feel it again. though muffled by time.

and you’re that 13 year old alone in her bedroom knowing only what she knows with her tiny world she occupies.

spread too thin for a kid.

wanting.

needing.

hoping.

hoping.

[ghosty-elliot]

Doomed from the start, closer little by little

My latest Kelhiri art ❤

Lehiri&Kelp (@raymurata)

[leclercsluvs]

MV1 | Songs of a Healing Heart | smau

part 2 | masterlist

an: very sorry that it took like close to 3 months for me to finally do this, just got a bit busy with school and internships and life tbh, but i think i might be back soon to a more often posting schedule. hopefully. very sorry this is so late compared to the other part. more to come! like before, don't mind the time stamps too much, they're not important, unless stated otherwise. fc: sabrina carpenter pairing: max verstappen x fem!reader warnings: swearing inspired by: i can do it with a broken heart - taylor swift

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing & 2.621.294 others yourusername it's good to see you back where you belong

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maxverstappen1 trying to rub salt in the wound? i didn't win the main race🙁

yourusername but you beat lando🎉 landonorris ???

user1 shes been posting max a lot lately???

user2 and? they're friends??

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, landonorris & 1.482.294 others maxverstappen1 unfortunately, we could not go out for qualifying today 🌧 thank you all for sticking with us 🙏 the positive takeaway is our good pace in the sprint. bring on sunday 💪

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yourusername glad to see you back in top 3, i feel like it's been too long

maxverstappen1 how dare you remind me of my winless streak? yourusername you'll get a win soon. i can feel it. charles_leclerc 10 races. 10 winless races. ha.

charles_leclerc also ha, you actually got a penalty, sucker. so i'm actually p3, not you

maxverstappen1 fuck you charles_leclerc please 🤷‍♂️ maxverstappen1 alexandrasaintmleux control your man danielricciardo careful, don't want to get more community service now, do you? maxverstappen1 fuck you too

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, jensonbutton & 3.213.392 others maxverstappen1 unbelievable!!!🏆what a roller coaster… SIMPLY LOVELY 🙌 thank you everyone redbullracing

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yourusername congrats! i knew you could do it

maxvertsappen1 i believe you now owe me something 🙃 yourusername i'm aware. and i intend on keeping that promise.

lewishamilton amazing drive, congrats 👊

maxverstappen1 thank you man. appreciate it 💪

hulkhulkenberg 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐

redbullracing SIMPLY LOVELY 🔥

fernandoalo_oficial fantastic drive 👏 congrats 👏

maxverstappen1 thank you legend 💪

landonorris congrats on the impressive win, as you say "simply lovely" 😉😃

user3 WHAT. A. DRIVE. 🩵

user4 P17 to P1 with almost 20 second lead? max verstappen YOU ARE THE MAN!!!

user5 and no drs either user6 and fastest lap for every lap until the end? he was HUNGRY user4 real, how many times did he do it in a row? like 17 times?

gossipaccount

liked by user1, user4 & 2.381 others gossipaccount seems like max went out to celebrate his win with a blonde woman, any guesses as to who it might be?

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user6 i’m guessing yn. they were both hinting at her owing max something after his win, could be a date?

user7 hmm, it could also be a coincidence? I mean not every blonde woman he hangs out with has to be her. user6 true, however they have been spending lots of time together lately.

user8 i hope it's yn they would be so cute together, and it could just be a friendly get together. not everything has to be romantic.

yourusername

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, maxverstappen1 & 3.291.349 others yourusername new little song i wrote for you all. just a little treat before my tour. i hope you like it. music video will be out in a few days. 'on purpose' out everywhere now!

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alexandrasaintmleux new favorite song

yourusername thank queen

maxverstappen1 like it? no.

yourusername rude >:( maxverstappen1 you already know what i think of the song 😶

user9 idc this is my new favorite song, i will shout it from the rooftops!

user10 real like how does she continue to make bangers?

user11 the real popstar

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc & 5.429.382 others maxverstappen1 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

four time world champion!!!! the season had a lot of ups and downs, but being able to achive a fourth title is amazing. thank you to all the fans, and thanks to everyone at redbullracing it's been a wild year!

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yourusername can't believe i got to witness it!

maxverstappen1 happy i dragged your lazy ass out? yourusername how dare you? 😓💔

landonorris good number to be fair! congrats mofo!!

danielricciardo congrats mate! on to the fifth?

maxverstappen1 you know it!

(please pretend it says what, not why, i already deleted the pics and i don't want to have to find it again 😭)

[bruhstation]

hello tumbled er

greetings and salutation. it is I, senja heterocaine, speaking to you through your favorite home screens. now you might be wondering: where on earth has senja heterocaine disappeared to these past 5 months? well the answer is as simple as it gets

I focused on my studies.

well yes that is the main reason. but that's like the nerd "obvious" answer. there’s other reasons too. some of which includes me getting into new interests, revisiting my old, hibernating interests, getting involved in university organizations and events, getting more involved in big family stuff since I'm the oldest and the only of-age grandchild of grandma from mom's side.... lots of stuff

so I just finished the third semester of premed school right. honestly speaking, with how I was losing motivation on drawing, the art block post-art fight, and lack of time, I decided to well, take a break. and it’s pretty convenient too since it was early on in the third semester. during the entirety of it I was feeling pretty proud of myself like "oh I've been studying a lot. I've taken a break from drawing and blog stuff. surely things will get better" and it did! not immensely but it's significant enough that for once I don't feel an indescribable sense of terror after the semester ends. the focus of this semester was about reproduction systems and growth and development which is pretty fun? we get to use models and medical phantoms hands-on and poke them with needles and other rube goldberg contraptions. I did miss breeding bacterias in petri dishes and seeing my friends burn the microbiology lab’s ceiling like last semester though. my grades are also improving… slowly but surely

(aftermath not pictured: me lounging on the couch scrolling through quora to see if there are people currently in college wanting to drop out)

maybe I was aiming too high. at least my grades are better than the previous two semesters and my social life is much better than it was back in high school. speaking of exams -- I went through my first osce exam around a week ago (practical exam to see if you can actually perform the skills labs lessons from the entire semester like you're a real physician). it was the most terrifying day of the month. my dentist said I have a big tongue and that’s why I can’t speak properly if I’m being too fast. ntm I WAS NERVOUS!!! MY FIRST OSCE!!! with how I memorized everything I needed, I was pretty confident that I'd pass, though. I didn't and retook the exam the next day. the prelude was the worst crash out ever

ah ptooey. I'll just take it like a champ. my tutor who's 3 years older than me and currently in the anesthetic rotation of co-ass told me that things will get easier but that's very subjective. he's a medical olympiad student after all. my parents are pretty happy though with how my academic life is becoming better so that's that

LETS MOVE ON TO SOMETHING LIGHTER. section B: what I've been getting into ever since bruhstation was put on cryostasis

you know Transformers One (2024)? the transformers movie directed by josh cooley? based on the Transformers(tm) franchise by Takara Tomy and Hasbro? most tragic break up movie of the decade? I watched it twice, squealed once, and left me broken and inconsolable for weeks on end. it made me revisit my dormant transformers interest after 5 years. I've reread the idw comics (mtmte, LL, taao, main transformers comic), and is currently checking out more (reading the wreckers saga right now). god it made me miss rodimus and friends' zany space opera adventures. I've always envisioned casa tidmouth to have the same tone as mtmte... the oftentimes dark humor, fridge horror stuff, weird magic/science, the roller coaster of emotions, confronting the past... its crazy good.

stories where misfits and knuckleheads band together in a confined space while having crazy doctor who-like adventures am I right. like I want casa tidmouth to be like that. remind me to thank 14 year old me for this trip down memory lane. and as usual, I tend to make self-indulgent crossovers of any interest I'm thinking about at the moment with casa tidmouth

a terrifying sneak peak on what's to come.

I've been working on my oc projects too. you may have seen some of them on artfight (graciela, saudade, altair, etc) but I've been focusing the most on graciela and saudade's universe, children's heterotopia. it has the largest amount of characters in any story I've created (not counting casa tidmouth), the most effort put into planning the stories and weaving in its themes about capitalism, patriarchy, period-typical bigotry, etc. there's human experimentation and they're given powers that range from punching super hard to time and space displacement. I also inserted whatever I wanted into the story. sure, yes, there's a lesbians-only organization of which its members are named off the knights of the round table, theres a mafia that focuses more on the family drama and attempted parricide from all angles, and tragic assassin maids of which their names are wuthering heights references. also if you've been following my main tumblr hajimedics for a while, you might've seen my three fairly oddparents ocs. well I've given them the tezuka star system treatment and inserted them into children's heterotopia as well.

I've also gotten into UTAU production! I've made a number of UTAU covers but haven't uploaded them to youtube. only shared them around with my friends on priv twitter. a good friend of mine assisted in the creation of my own UTAU voicebank! their name is TORKA (like "torque"), their voice bank has a slight accent when singing in japanese (because I'm their voice lol) and CV-only, their in-universe lore is that they're an intergalactic train conductor picking up wayfarers and outcasts trying to find a place in the vast universe, and I love them dearly

moving on! this is a thomas the engine and company blog THIS IS A LIFE UPDATE POST

I'd rather not discuss about how I'm doing mentally in deep detail BUT what I'll say is that I can't confidently say "I'm doing better" or "I'm doing worse" because it always depends on the days. things are okay-ish nowadays. some days are scary. some days are boring. I still experience delusions, (ironically) worried about my anhedonia, and believe that certain bouts of confidence will trigger a jinx, but I think I've been controlling myself well? at least? I keep internalizing the belief that I'm an adult. 20 years old. I have to act accordingly and my life in real life is ten times more important than the internet. things are going to change more and more once I graduate premed and began the co-ass program. I have to think 10 steps into the future. building successful connections before you turn 30. sigma grindset and all that. sorry that was my father using my body as a spirit medium

AND ALSO. ALSO. BACK TO THE BLOG DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME I PROMISED TO MAKE A COMIC BASED ON THE RESULTS OF THE 1000 FOLLOWERS POLL AND NEVER DID UNTIL NOW. I'm terribly sorry. I promise I will get into it I SWEAR procrastination is kicking my ass. I have to plan the dialogue and script and stuff AND DRAW BUT

BUT HERE’S THE FUNNY THING

THE BLOG REACHED 2000+ FOLLOWERS A FEW MONTHS AGO

NOW WHAT DO I DO TO CELEBRATE?

I don’t know honestly. I haven’t done the 1000+ followers celebratory comic, and NOW I HAVE 2000+ FOLLOWERS. THERES 2000+ OF YOU NOW!!!!! THAT’S CRAZY (IN A GOOD WAY)!!!! I thank you all for sticking with bruhstation through thick and thin for around 2 and a half years. I’m glad for all your support, fanarts, asks, and such truly. like wow. 2k. in such a short time too! thanks guys. admittedly, I feel kind of guilty to leave everyone hanging for months with nothing to give, especially with such a high follower number. and realistically? I don’t think I’ll be able to draw as much as I used to. like I’ve said earlier, I’ve been busy with my personal life and oc projects. it’s not like I’m abandoning this blog any time soon? I’m just speaking from a logical perspective, given my status as a student and (possibly, hopefully) future doctor too. I don't want to burn myself out posting like thrice a week, answering asks daily, I want to take things slow. at my own pace. maybe I'll focus on designing side characters as well and thinking about their roles in the story! but that's for another day. I’m just glad everyone’s still sticking around and enjoying my silly stuff

I do want to draw more for this blog! I want to put thomas and co. in more situations. make them dance for all our entertainments. but when you’re an adult, you realize that you have your own priorities. you can’t always do the things you wanna do. you can’t just drop something you don’t like out of the blue. sometimes you have to sigh, scratch the back of your neck, and brave it while saying “I sure am getting old”

oh and also I'm a butch lesbian now. still he/they (heavy preference on he/him), still preferring masculine terms like "mr", "sir", "guy", still as crazy as ever. still aroace too and not interested in dating, something that's been a constant in my identity ever since I'm in early high school. little have changed I can assure you this. I am still senja. senja heterocaine from the net.

and thus concludes senja’s life update post! what will the next post after this be about? something gordon-centric again? serious colored art? old men yaoi? silent hill UK localization? place your bets. everyone loves a good laugh

[cloudbersoo]

would you mind?｜zhang hao

synopsis: how to get over a guy you didn’t even date in ten easy steps with the help of zhang hao.

tags: zhang hao x gn!reader, acquaintances to lovers, university au, fluff, slight angst, y/n likes someone else at the beginning, y/n is very drunk, making out when drunk, shy!hao, bestie!matthew has no filter, roommate!taerae, hanbin keeps laughing, what did jiwoong do though? y/n overthinks a little sometimes, mentions of sex and implied sex but no explicit smut! (im a minor and can’t write smut for the life of me)

word count: 6k (how did this get so long?)

a/n: this is my first fic in like six years and the first in english altogether! idk how to feel about this one but i thought to post it anyway. writing this honestly made me respect fanfic writers so much more, it really isn’t easy! this took me like five days to make. not sure how often i’ll be doing this but i enjoyed writing a lot. sorry for any grammar errors or such, i proofread this a couple of times, but my english isn’t perfect, so some mistakes might go past me. anyway, thanks and sorry! enjoy reading!

my playlist while writing: in bloom & new kidz on the block by zb1, cream soda & private party by exo, roller coaster & party o’clock by nmixx !!

i. drink your feelings away

“finally you’re here” matthew mumbled in his slightly drunken stage, leaning onto a wall as you closed the door behind you. you could hear the music and people’s chatter coming from the living room. the smell of alcohol was also very strong, especially on your friend. you wished you could just turn back and go home. you were way too miserable to party right now but the sweet smile matthew was giving you was making you stay. you couldn’t possibly disappoint your best friend on his special day.

“yeah, sorry for being late” you finally answered to the birthday boy as you handed out your gift with a forced smile. “happy birthday matt.” 

he took the bottle of wine and chuckled. “thank you y/n” he said, looking at the bottle of his favourite. “for this and for coming tonight” he continued as he raised his gaze to you apologetically. 

“of course” you uttered, trying your best to convince your friend you wanted to be here, as if you didn’t just think about leaving two seconds ago. your convincing didn’t seem to be working as matthew sighed. matthew put down the bottle and walked in front of you. he examined your face for a while before he embraced you in a hug. “he didn’t deserve you anyway” he whispered close to your ear.

right.

jaemin.

the guy who broke your heart just a few days ago. he didn’t mean to, you suppose. he just didn’t realise you were totally in love with him when he introduced you to his partner of three years. how stupid could you be?

you held your tiers in at the mention of him. not today. you can cry about it later. 

you embraced your friend for a while as you collected yourself. “you know what matt?” You finally spoke as you made eye contact with him. matthew hummed, looking at you with anticipation. 

“i’m going to have fun tonight.”

ii. embarrass yourself

about five bottles of soju and a couple beers later you were completely out of it. you were somewhere in matthew’s apartment, kitchen or living room, you were not entirely sure. laying on the cold floor with zero thoughts of your shattered heart. you felt at peace. your peace, however, didn’t last long as it was eventually broken by a familiar voice calling your name. 

“y/n? you okay down there?” the voice asked with amusement. you opened your eyes and were met with hanbin’s gaze from above you. he must have found your state hilarious as he bursted out laughing. 

you got up from the floor with difficulty and flopped next to him on the couch. “never been better” you mumbled to your friend with a relaxed smile. you started making yourself comfortable and leaned your head on hanbin’s shoulder. what you failed to notice in your drunken state was the other person sitting on the couch. the one you were currently cuddling up to.

“hao” your friend started. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen y/n so wasted” hanbin laughed with tears in his eyes. 

what. 

suddenly, you were too aware of your surroundings, like there was no alcohol in your system anymore. you quickly got up and saw that hanbin was not in fact the person you had leaned into. the person sitting next to you was hanbin’s good friend, zhang hao. the boy’s face flushed as he looked at your shocked face.

oh my god.

you were not that familiar with zhang hao. you knew he was good friends with hanbin and matthew. he was from the music department just like your roommate taerae, and you were pretty sure he played the violin. he was reserved and quiet, and definitely not the most fond of you (even though your friends have tried to convince you otherwise). a friend of a friend. that’s what he was. not someone who you could comfortably cuddle with. this is so embarrassing.

“i’m so sorry!” you quickly blurted out as you hid your face behind your palms. you could still hear hanbin’s laugh as you were thinking about your way out of the situation. 

“it’s o-okay” zhang hao managed to stutter. you were in too deep thought to hear what the boy in front of you was saying. you searched for your other friend in the crowd. it’s time for me to leave. as you found matthew by the balcony with a girl, you turned back to the men on the couch. “i’m just gonna go!” you quickly said to prevent any more embarrassment and made your way to your best friend.

he saw you coming from afar and smirked at you. “you’ve definitely enjoyed yourself” matthew said delightfully. oh. he definitely saw everything.

“you saw nothing” you bit back and leaned onto your friend as the alcohol started to kick back in again. “i’m going home” you continued. could you even walk straight? no. but you could just call your roommate to meet you halfway.

“in this state? no you’re not” the boy slurred just as drunk as you were. he wrapped his arm around your shoulder in an attempt to keep you from leaving. you were glad your friend cared about your safety even when he was drunk. his company, however, was not enjoying the sight in front of her and you could tell you had interrupted something. 

“i’ll call taerae to pick me up, don’t worry.” you assured your friend. “i’ll leave you two alone now.” you gave a smile to the girl and mouthed “sorry” as you left the two before matthew could protest any further.

iii. make a foolish choice

walking down four sets of stairs with your hands occupied by your phone was a challenge. you somehow made it though and were trying to contact your roommate. he was not answering. where is he? your apartment wasn’t that far from matthew’s but the darkness was creeping you out a little. you sent a quick text to taerae, saying you were coming home before you started your journey. 

you had made it past a couple turns when you started feeling like someone was following you. you’re just being paranoid, that's all. but the feeling only grew stronger as you clearly heard footsteps behind you. you were already walking as fast as you could in your state. is this the end?  “i’m gonna die-”

“y/n,” you quickly turned around to the familiar voice. 

zhang hao.

“oh it’s just you” you said as you relaxed until it hit you. zhang hao. the reason why you had run away from the party in the first place. your surprise finally showed on your face, which zhang hao found amusing. 

"sorry if I scared you” he let out an airy laugh while awkwardly standing in front of you. for some reason you had never really looked at the boy. he was tall and his hair was still styled nicely even after a long day. he was wearing a light blue button up shirt with black jeans that seemed way out of your price range. there was something about the way he was looking at you under the glow of the streetlights. he was looking at you with stars in his eyes, like there was no one else but the two of you in the world. the sight of him almost made your heart skip a beat. he had a few moles on his face, one right under his eye and another on his cheek that you wish you could kiss right now. has he always been this pretty? 

no. why is he here? 

he tried to give you a reassuring smile as he took a step closer. “you shouldn’t walk alone at this hour, it’s not safe for you.” he continued like he had just read your mind.

“so you think I'm safe with you?” you asked, slightly teasing. it was definitely the alcohol speaking.

the boy’s eyes widened in shock and he opened his mouth to say something but failed. “well- I mean” zhang hao finally responded with panic, not quite sure what he was supposed to say. you couldn’t hold your giggles which seemed to ease his nerves. his figure seemed to relax as he walked past you. “my apartment isn’t that far from yours, so we can just walk together. it’s safer for both of us.” zhang hao finished. 

lies. you’ve once picked hanbin up from his apartment and it's nowhere near yours. however, zhang hao didn’t need to know that you knew. you wouldn’t mind walking home with him even if the two of you weren’t that close, because he was right – this was safer (not because he suddenly made you think of things you haven't before).

so, the two of you continued walking towards your place. zhang hao didn’t say much as you walked, only telling you to be more careful as you almost stumbled to the ground. he also decided to hold you up from your waist from that point on – which you definitely didn’t mind. he didn’t seem to mind either as there was no signs of annoyance that you would’ve except from zhang hao in this situation.  

“we’re here” he said as the two of you stood in front of your apartment building. you really didn’t want him to go. you really didn’t want to be alone at all. because you knew the moment you were alone again you’d break down again and cry about the guy who broke your heart. just for this one night, you wished not to cry yourself to sleep. maybe it was foolish of you to ask zhang hao of all people to comfort you, but right now you couldn’t think of anything else. 

“would you like to come in?”

“do you need help to get to your door?”

you both had talked at the same time. you broke eye contact as the two of you chuckled. so he didn’t want to leave yet either? as it got quiet again you decided to look at the boy again. zhang hao seemed hesitant as he studied your face. then he smiled at you as he said “if that’s what you need.”

iv. get cockbocked by a roommate

some might find the silence between you and zhang hao awkward, but you found it soothing. he was drinking the water you had given him as you sat on the kitchen counter. he looked even more handsome up close. the way he was leaning onto the counter and the way he was looking at you. oh, how much you wished to make him yours tonight. would he mind? 

your mind stopped wandering as the boy put down his glass on the sink. “i should probably go and let you sleep” he said quietly as he stood in front of you. he was incredibly close to you, his hand on your knee, his nose almost touching yours – like he didn’t want to leave. you couldn’t help but lower your gaze to his lips. they were pink and puffy, slightly wet like they were waiting to be kissed. you looked back to zhang hao’s eyes but they didn’t meet yours. he was doing the same thing – staring at your lips. 

maybe you were going to regret it. maybe this wasn’t right, kissing your friends’ friend. but you couldn’t possibly think about any of that as you leaned in. 

his lips felt as soft as they looked. it took a moment for zhang hao to realise what was happening but eventually he kissed you back. his left hand landed on your cheek as his right hand went up your thigh. the kiss deepened as you put your hands around the boy's neck, pulling him closer to you. you don’t remember the last time you have been kissed like this. he was driving you insane and you wished he’d never stop. 

“y/n?” you hear a voice say at the door. 

taerae.

you and zhang hao froze before you rapidly let go of each other. sleepy taerae rubbed his eyes walking into the kitchen as you tried to calm your beating heart. so he didn’t answer because he was asleep. you took a look at zhang hao who’s blush was prominent even in the dark. “when did you get home?” your roommate asked as he yawned.

“zhang hao walked me, i was just giving him some water before he left.” you blurted out an excuse, which wasn’t inherently a lie – taerae didn’t need to know what happened after that. your sleepy roommate didn’t look suspicious and seemed to buy it. “he was actually just about to leave.” you took another look at zhang hao, trying to get him to say something. 

“yeah, i’ll just get going then.” he said, bid taerae goodbye, and was out of the apartment in mere minutes. 

fuck.

v. overthink your life choices

lunch used to be your favourite time of the day, mostly because you used to share it with jaemin all the time. matthew barely ever had time to eat lunch with you, which is how you got to know jaemin in the first place. the two of you clicked instantly and you thought there was something between you. how wrong you were. the past week you have been distancing yourself from jaemin and he hasn't been asking after you. you really meant nothing to him in the end. even now he’s just a few tables away loudly debating about something with his group of friends, completely unaware of the effect he has had on you.

taerae’s giggles seem to wake you from your slumber. you moved your gaze from jaemin to your roommate. he was laughing over a video hanbin had just shown him. “what is jiwoong doing?” he managed to say between giggles. 

“speaking of the devil” hanbin said as he waved past your shoulder. jiwoong walked to your table with zhang hao next to him, which was odd as the two of you’ve had a similar relationship with the chinese boy up until a few days ago (unless jiwoong had also been making out with him recently). “what did i do?” jiwoong questioned his friends as he placed his lunch on the table.

“nothing, nothing. where’s matthew?” hanbin said as he hid his phone with a grin.

“he’s on a date” you said nonchalantly. everyone at the table suddenly turned their heads towards you. they had totally forgotten you were even there as you had spent most of your break staring at a certain someone. you should get your shit together.

“oh right, zhang hao! thanks for walking y/n home the other night.” taerae said as zhang hao sat next to hanbin. well shit. you hadn’t told anyone of what had happened with zhang hao after matthew’s party. you hadn’t even talked to zhang hao since then. you felt awful that you had tried to use him to forget about someone else, and then kicked him out as your roommate found the two of you. you weren’t sure how you were supposed to even bring it up to him when you were never alone with him anyway. 

“you walked her home?” hanbin questioned as he turned his head to his left where zhang hao was sitting. the boy only gave his friend a small nod as he dug into his food. his aura seemed so different in the daylight. his hair wasn’t styled like at the party, it was a bit all over the place. the way he stuffed his mouth full of food made him look cute. his cheeks were slightly pink with blush. while observing the boy, you had completely missed the teasing smile on hanbin’s face.

how were you supposed to talk to him? thanks for walking me home and making out with me in my kitchen. does he even want to talk about it? the two of you had seen each other around campus a couple times since then and he hasn't tried to talk to you once. maybe all of it was just a spur of the moment thing for him that he now wished to forget about.

you sighed as you decided it was your time to leave for class. there was no way you were going to talk to zhang hao now anyway, not in front of all your friends. “my lecture is starting soon, i’ll go now.” you said as you stood up. taking your things with you and hearing people say their goodbyes, you were on your way.

“wait, are we just going to ignore the fact that matthew is on a date?” you could hear jiwoong ask behind you.

vi. get help

“so…” matthew said in a teasing tone as he sat across from you at the library. 

“so, what?” you questioned, like you had no idea what your best friend was referring to. well, in your defence, you never knew with matthew, but you had a feeling this conversation topic started with a z and ended with hang hao. “you and hao?” he continued, just like you had anticipated, raising his eyebrows. 

“what about me and zhang hao?” you continued, acting clueless in the hopes of him dropping the conversation. 

“after what i saw at my birthday party and then hearing he walked you home, i hoped the two of you worked out the weird tension between you two and finally fucked” your friend blurted out in a very matthew way, like it was the most obvious conclusion to come to in the world. 

“we did not!” you raised your voice a little too much as you tried to defend yourself. you got a few judging stares from the people around you who were trying to study. something you were supposed to do as well, instead of having this conversation about zhang hao. “we didn’t fuck…” you continued more quietly. there was no reason for you to lie to your best friend. not when you could use his help.

“but you were going to?” he gave you a knowing look.

“well yeah, but then taerae woke up and i panicked and i kinda kicked zhang hao out-” you started rambling. wait. “how did you know we almost fucked? did he talk to you? what did he say? does he totally hate me now?” you continued like you were going to lose your mind. and now matthew was laughing at you, trying his best to stay quiet. 

“i haven’t talked to anyone, except hanbin, he’s just as convinced there’s something going on between you and hao as i am” your friend finally spoke. if only you knew what was going on between the two of you. you sighed and hit your head on the table. “what’s the problem y/n? you know, you could just text him and ask him" matthew said.

“i don’t have his number” you mumble in despair. 

“what? how can you not have his number?” matthew asked, confused.

“why would i? was i supposed to ask for it when we were making out or something?” you said as you lifted your head from the table, looking at your friend who definitely didn’t need to hear any more details of that night.

matthew took his phone out of his pocket, and gave it to you after a moment. “here, take his number and text him”

vii. become friends

you were currently sitting down at a park you had agreed to meet with zhang hao. matthew was able to convince you it was better to sort things out with zhang hao sooner than later. but now that you were here, waiting for the guy, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. it was warm as summer was finally coming and you felt like you were sweating buckets. was it the weather or your nerves – you were not quite sure.

“hi, did you have to wait long?” you hear a familiar voice from your left and see zhang hao’s figure coming towards you. he waved at you while giving you a sweet smile. damn. he’s so pretty. 

“oh no, not at all” you answered, trying to give the boy a smile to hide your nervousness. 

“what did you want to talk about?” zhang hao said calmly as he sat down next to you. unlike the other night, now he had left much space between the two of you. he didn’t seem nervous at all, which made you feel uneasy. maybe this wasn’t as big of a deal for him as it was for you. 

“at matt’s party, i’m sorry for being such a mess and dragging you into it” you decided to tell him. “i had a few too many drinks that night.” you took a look at zhang hao. he seemed surprised, maybe a little hurt as he tried to get comfortable on the bench. was that not the right thing to say?  “i mean, i probably made you uncomfortable and then i rushed you out of my place when taerae woke up, it was super rude of me to-” you were starting to ramble. 

“i wasn’t uncomfortable” he cut you off. he finally turned to look at you again “i wouldn’t have come in if i was.” there was the look again, making your heart beat louder on your chest. he was looking at you like he did under the streetlights, like you were the only person in the world that mattered. you wouldn’t mind getting lost in his eyes. “so don’t be too sorry, i enjoyed it as long as it lasted.” he gave you a shy smile.

oh.

this was the first time the boy had made you blush, usually it was the other way around. you broke eye contact to hide your shyness from him. “cool, cool” you started quite awkwardly. “we should probably be casual about all this, since we're friends and all…”

“we’re friends now? i’m cool with that” zhang hao replied with amusement.

“i mean, we’ve known each other long enough to call us that, i guess” you tried to reason, not realising your friend was only teasing you. as you turned your gaze back to him you saw him still smiling at you. this man will be the death of me. “well that’s that. sorry i can’t stay longer, i have places to be. bye zhang hao.” you said as you got up from the bench. you had nowhere to be, but you couldn’t possibly handle being in zhang hao’s presence any longer. 

“bye friend!” he yelled after you still with a teasing tone.

viii. feel nothing

you and your new friend zhang hao have gotten along well since your talk at the park. nothing has changed that much, except now you greet each other at campus, engage in conversation together, and sometimes share memes with each other. you have tried to convince matthew that you and zhang hao are really just friends and nothing more. matthew just can’t help himself when he teases you with kissy noises every time you interact with zhang hao. he’s the only other person that knows about your little secret. even hanbin doesn’t know, because if he did — everyone would. 

you were finally finished with your last class of the day, walking out of your department building. you felt at ease as everything in your life was finally going well. you were able to sort things out with zhang hao, you weren’t particularly struggling with any classes, and you were barely thinking about him, who shall not be named. 

as if on cue, there he was standing a few meters away from you. jaemin. he wasn’t alone though, as he was having a conversation with someone. you couldn’t quite tell what the two were talking about, not that really even mattered to you. contrary to popular belief, your heart no longer ached at the sight of him. you continued your journey with no intent to interact with jaemin, at least not until you realised who exactly he was talking with. when you were close enough you could recognize the other man’s voice.

what was zhang hao doing with jaemin? the sight in front of you felt really odd, but you couldn’t possibly look away. zhang hao almost towered over jaemin, paying attention to what the latter was talking about. he was wearing glasses that complimented his face well. one of his sleeves was rolled up revealing his toned arm. he looked so mesmerising, you couldn't help but stare.

it didn’t take long for you to be caught staring as jaemin called out your name. “wow it’s been so long. how have you been?” he asked happily as you took a few steps closer to the two. zhang hao was surprised to see you, his gaze moving between you and jaemin. his face filled with worry made you think he must have heard about jaemin and you from someone (definitely not from hanbin). you gave zhang hao a reassuring smile as you greeted jaemin, who was ready to embrace you in a hug. 

“i’ve been well” you sounded a little awkward as the two of you let go. an act that used to make your heart do backflips no longer felt like anything. “what were you two talking about? i didn’t know you even knew each other.” you asked out of curiosity as you stood next to zhang hao, who suddenly put his arm around your shoulder. you turned your head towards your friend, trying to understand what he was up to. 

“we’ve shared a few classes here and there” zhang hao said as he turned his head to face you. he was so close to you again, making your heart beat louder on your chest. “you’re ready to go?” he continued. you could only show your confusion on your face as you didn’t trust your voice to say anything at the close proximity. “dinner? remember?” he gave you a wink.

what? you were completely lost. what was this man talking about? 

“oooh, date night?” jaemin cooed in front of you. he took his headphones out of his back and put them over his ears. “i won't waste your time anymore then. y/n we should totally catch up sometime!” he didn’t wait for your response before he left. 

you and zhang hao stayed close to each other in silence for a while. you wondered if he could hear the way your heart was beating for him. you tried to look for answers from his face but to no avail. finally, zhang hao moved and removed his hand off of you, what had felt like way too soon. “sorry” he said as he stood in front of you. “you must have felt awkward seeing him” he continued, scratching the back of his neck. 

“did you do all that to get rid of him? i’m fine, i don’t like him like that anymore” you felt the need to clarify to him.

“oh” he said, blush breaking to his face and neck. “well, i was getting tired of him anyway” he excused and removed his gaze from you to hide his embarrassment. you thought he looked the cutest whenever he got shy or embarrassed. 

your laugh seemed to peak his interest again, as he turned his gaze back on you. your blushing face, matching his own. a comfortable silence fell between you again. ”just friends huh?” you could hear matthew’s teasing voice in your head.

“y/n?” zhang hao eventually spoke. you hummed as a response, waiting him to carry on. “have you eaten yet?” the boy continued hesitantly. 

“no, not yet” you answered truthfully, not quite sure where the conversation was going. zhang hao stayed quiet for a while. he was nervously shifting on his place, turning his face away from you once again. he was trying to find the right way to ask you.

“would you like to go out for dinner then?” he asked carefully. 

“sure!” you answered enthusiastically. you were starving at this point and wouldn’t mind spending some time with friends as well. “who else is coming?” 

“well, i thought it could be just us…” the boy responded, still not daring to look at you. 

oh.

“oh! that works too. sure. yeah.” you replied, definitely not embarrassed that you didn’t get the hint right away. “does indian sound good to you? i’m craving butter chicken” you continued, trying to move the conversation onwards, while your heart kept beating hard against your chest. 

“if that’s what you want, it’s good with me” zhang hao said and the two of you started your way out of campus, both a blushing mess.

ix. feel everything

you were not entirely sure what to think. had you just been on a date? zhang hao didn’t explicitly call it that, but it surely had felt like one. the dinner went smoothly, it didn’t feel awkward and the two of you were able to talk to each other comfortably. he constantly smiled at you and asked you questions about your life, putting the effort into getting to know you. he even insisted on paying for your meal in the end. 

you got to know things about him as well, as zhang hao no longer felt shy talking to you. he’s an only child and very close with his mom. he chose to play the violin, because it’s much easier to carry around compared to a cello. him and jiwoong have gotten closer lately because jiwoong had asked him to help him with a song he has been working on. he also revealed that he was glad that the two of you have gotten closer, which made you question things even more.

you were walking to your apartment in silence, completely sober this time. zhang hao had insisted on walking you home again, “as a man should” he had said. the way his hand was accidentally brushing against yours every once in a while was giving you butterflies in your stomach. you were not entirely sure if the man next to you even realises how much of an effect he had on you. you weren’t walking that fast because you really didn’t want the night to end. 

must to your dismay, you ended up in front of your apartment building. it felt like deja vu, standing in front of him again. you didn’t want zhang hao to leave, but you weren’t sure if it was appropriate to invite him in. you couldn't hide behind the confidence alcohol had given you last time. you didn't know what to say, so you settled on just staring at his face, completely mesmerised. he was doing the same, his gaze wandering on your face, like he was trying to remember each little detail of you. 

“i should…” zhang hao started, now looking straight into your eyes. “i should probably go now” he continued, not at all convincing. he made no effort to move, which finally gave you the confidence to talk. it won’t hurt to ask, right?

“i could offer you a glass of water before you go” you said, tearing your gaze away, still slightly scared of what he might answer. “you know, taerae’s not home tonight…” you added. as you heard no answer from the boy, you hesitantly took a look at him. he was smiling at you again, the way he had been all dinner. 

zhang hao took a step closer, raising his hand to hold your chin, making you hold eye contact with him. he lowered his gaze slowly to your lips, looking at you like you were someone to be desired. “you sure?” he finally spoke in a lower voice, still staring at your lips. you could only hum in response. and then he leaned in to kiss you. 

his lips were soft, but he pushed them hard against yours. he tasted like cherries as you kissed him back. the kiss deepened quickly as his tongue pushed past your lips. his arms lowered to your hips, pulling you closer, as you put yours behind his neck, playing with his hair. you didn’t stop until you both were almost running out of air.

zhang hao let out an airy laugh. “i’ve wanted to do that for a while” he confessed, your arms still tangled around each other. he was looking at you with so much adoration.

“yeah? me too” you smiled, your cheeks slightly pink. you let go of the boy to open the door to your apartment building. he held onto your arm as the two of you walked towards the elevator. you turned to look at zhang hao, who’s cheeks were a shade of pink as well. he noticed you staring and gave you another sweet smile. the door finally opened, and he couldn’t even wait till you got to your apartment, as he stole another kiss from you as you entered the elevator.

“i honestly thought you didn’t like me at all” you admitted to him as you parted from the kiss.

“that’s what hanbin always told me” zhang hao answered, now with a pout on his lips. “i was just too shy to talk to you, you’re like the most gorgeous person i’ve ever laid my eyes on” he continued, no longer daring to look you in the eye. even he seemed a little surprised by his sudden confession. 

oh. 

you’ve received compliments before, but hearing one from zhang hao felt different. your cheeks heated up again, and you could feel your excitement all the way down on your stomach. you wanted him so badly, you could only wish he felt the same way. when the elevator stopped, you decided to quickly peck the boy's cheek before you dragged him to your apartment.

once the door to your apartment closed behind you, you were all over each other. his lips connected with yours as your arms roamed all over your bodies. you couldn’t get enough of him, wanting him even closer to you. you stumbled over to your bedroom, where you gave him one more kiss before backing away.

zhang hao looked at you with concern. “are you okay?” he asked while still holding you closely.

“yeah, i just- i want to make sure you want this as much i do” you answered, studying his face for any signs of regret or hesitation. 

“i really like you y/n, and i want this more than you think” he admitted. he detached one of his hands from you to remove his glasses out of the way, putting them down to your nightstand. he lowered his hand on your cheek, cherishing it gently. “let me show you just how much you mean to me.”

so you let him, as you kissed him again.

x. fall in love

you were still out of breath as you cuddled up to zhang hao’s bare body. he wrapped his hand around you and squeezed you closer to him, twirling your hair with his fingers. you laid your head against his chest, drawing circles on his toned body, sighing with content. you felt zhang hao’s lips against your forehead, giving you a peck after peck. the act made you giggle, turning your gaze to him.

“what?” you asked.

“nothing, i’m just really happy” he answered, giving you one more kiss on your lips. he looked at you with so much love and warmth, which made you feel like you were dreaming. you couldn’t help but wonder what made you deserve to meet someone like zhang hao. no one has made you feel this good in such a long time, if ever. suddenly, very overwhelmed with your feelings, you hid your face on the crook of his neck.

you felt zhang hao’s chest vibrate from the laughter he let out. “cute” he whispered quietly, mostly to just himself, cherishing your head again. you got comfortable again, almost falling asleep in his embrace. his breath also evening out as he was slowly drifting away to sleep too.

“i really like you too, zhang hao” you sleepily mumbled against his skin, before the two of you fell into dreamland together.

- end

bonus:

“why do you always call me zhang hao?”

“maybe because it’s your name??”

“yes, but everyone calls me hao. you’re the only one who calls me zhang hao”

“oh”

“well, hao, i’ll call you that from now on”

the boy’s face flushed red as he finally heard you say his name. 

“oh my god, you’re so cute!” 

he turns his face to hide his blush from you.

“shut up”

[ninadove]

Nina reads Dracula 🦇

September 17th

OK HERE WE GO I AM MENTALLY PREPARED TO LEARN ABOUT LUCY’S DEA —

Lucy Westenra's Diary.

Nevermind that. Guess I’ll have to do it all over again.

Four days and nights of peace. I am getting so strong again that I hardly know myself. It is as if I had passed through some long nightmare, and had just awakened to see the beautiful sunshine and feel the fresh air of the morning around me. I have a dim half-remembrance of long, anxious times of waiting and fearing; darkness in which there was not even the pain of hope to make present distress more poignant: and then long spells of oblivion, and the rising back to life as a diver coming up through a great press of water.

The pain of hope alright…

To-night Dr. Van Helsing is going away, as he has to be for a day in Amsterdam. But I need not be watched; I am well enough to be left alone.

‘Cause here we go, go, go again 🎶

Thank God for mother's sake, and dear Arthur's, and for all our friends who have been so kind! I shall not even feel the change, for last night Dr. Van Helsing slept in his chair a lot of the time. I found him asleep twice when I awoke; but I did not fear to go to sleep again, although the boughs or bats or something napped almost angrily against the window-panes.

EVERYONE. IS TRYING. SO HARD.

Anyways BACK TO RENFIELD:

Suddenly the door was burst open, and in rushed my patient, with his face distorted with passion. I was thunderstruck, for such a thing as a patient getting of his own accord into the Superintendent's study is almost unknown.

Right. But he did escape the facility itself twice, including once with your complicity. So maybe the safety protocols need a liiittle bit of reassessing here.

Without an instant's pause he made straight at me. He had a dinner-knife in his hand, and, as I saw he was dangerous, I tried to keep the table between us. He was too quick and too strong for me, however; for before I could get my balance he had struck at me and cut my left wrist rather severely.

FIGHT!!!!! FIGHT!!!!! FIGHT!!!!! FIGHT!!!!

He was lying on his belly on the floor licking up, like a dog, the blood which had fallen from my wounded wrist. He was easily secured, and, to my surprise, went with the attendants quite placidly, simply repeating over and over again: "The blood is the life! The blood is the life!"

Renfield’s DYI Guide to Vampirism: now available in a bookstore near you!

I cannot afford to lose blood just at present;

This is a terrifying and strangely sweet thought and I will be reusing this turn of phrase.

Happily Van Helsing has not summoned me, so I need not forego my sleep; to-night I could not well do without it.

Telegram, Van Helsing, Antwerp, to Seward, Carfax. Do not fail to be at Hillingham to-night.

Now that’s what I call comedic timing.

Anyways back to… Lucy again… Oh…

I write this and leave it to be seen, so that no one may by any chance get into trouble through me. This is an exact record of what took place to-night. I feel I am dying of weakness, and have barely strength to write, but it must be done if I die in the doing.

Talk about an emotional roller-coaster.

Presently the door opened, and mother looked in; seeing by my moving that I was not asleep, came in, and sat by me. She said to me even more sweetly and softly than her wont:—

"I was uneasy about you, darling, and came in to see that you were all right."

I feared she might catch cold sitting there, and asked her to come in and sleep with me, so she came into bed, and lay down beside me;

SEE WHAT I MEANT LAST TIME. Yes Ms Westenra is dying but she still wants to watch over her little girl! Yes Lucy is a grown adult but she still needs her mum! It’s all about love

After a while there was the low howl again out in the shrubbery, and shortly after there was a crash at the window, and a lot of broken glass was hurled on the floor. The window blind blew back with the wind that rushed in, and in the aperture of the broken panes there was the head of a great, gaunt grey wolf. Mother cried out in a fright, and struggled up into a sitting posture, and clutched wildly at anything that would help her. Amongst other things, she clutched the wreath of flowers that Dr. Van Helsing insisted on my wearing round my neck, and tore it away from me. For a second or two she sat up, pointing at the wolf, and there was a strange and horrible gurgling in her throat; then she fell over—as if struck with lightning, and her head hit my forehead and made me dizzy for a moment or two. The room and all round seemed to spin round. I kept my eyes fixed on the window, but the wolf drew his head back, and a whole myriad of little specks seemed to come blowing in through the broken window, and wheeling and circling round like the pillar of dust that travellers describe when there is a simoon in the desert.

OK OK not to (surprisingly) turn into your local Mrs Westenra Defender™ but. But. If this exact ordeal happened to you and you did not have the benefit of knowing the lore, would your natural conclusion not be that the flowers attracted the wolf? Because that sure as Hell would be mine.

I tried to stir, but there was some spell upon me, and dear mother's poor body, which seemed to grow cold already—for her dear heart had ceased to beat—weighed me down; and I remembered no more for a while.

WAIT SHE’S DEAD????? WHAT ARE WE BLAMING HER FOR EXACTLY????? SHE FUCKING DIED

The maids shrieked, and then went in a body to the dining-room; and I laid what flowers I had on my dear mother's breast. When they were there I remembered what Dr. Van Helsing had told me, but I didn't like to remove them, and, besides, I would have some of the servants to sit up with me now.

I WAS TOLD LUCY’S MUM THREW THE FLOWERS AWAY AND THAT DIRECTLY CAUSED HER DEATH. THAT COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. WHAT HAPPENED

My heart sank when I saw what had happened. They all four lay helpless on the floor, breathing heavily. The decanter of sherry was on the table half full, but there was a queer, acrid smell about. I was suspicious, and examined the decanter. It smelt of laudanum, and looking on the sideboard, I found that the bottle which mother's doctor uses for her—oh! did use—was empty. What am I to do? what am I to do? I am back in the room with mother. I cannot leave her, and I am alone, save for the sleeping servants, whom some one has drugged. Alone with the dead! I dare not go out, for I can hear the low howl of the wolf through the broken window.

WHO WHAT AND HOW

The air seems full of specks, floating and circling in the draught from the window, and the lights burn blue and dim. What am I to do? God shield me from harm this night! I shall hide this paper in my breast, where they shall find it when they come to lay me out. My dear mother gone! It is time that I go too. Good-bye, dear Arthur, if I should not survive this night. God keep you, dear, and God help me!

LUCY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO —

Letter, Mina Harker to Lucy Westenra (Unopened by her.)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

My dearest Lucy,—It seems an age since I heard from you, or indeed since I wrote. You will pardon me, I know, for all my faults when you have read all my budget of news.

Why don’t you twist the knife even deeper Bram.

Well, I got my husband back all right;

A little bit of light in this God-forsaken world

'My dears, I want to drink your health and prosperity; and may every blessing attend you both. I know you both from children, and have, with love and pride, seen you grow up. Now I want you to make your home here with me. I have left to me neither chick nor child; all are gone, and in my will I have left you everything.' I cried, Lucy dear, as Jonathan and the old man clasped hands. Our evening was a very, very happy one.

And twist the knife deeper he did.

So here we are, installed in this beautiful old house, and from both my bedroom and the drawing-room I can see the great elms of the cathedral close, with their great black stems standing out against the old yellow stone of the cathedral and I can hear the rooks overhead cawing and cawing and chattering and gossiping all day, after the manner of rooks—and humans.

Windows! Parallels and contrasts!! Something monstrous VS something divine and most of all human!!! I’m fine this is fine we’re all fine —

How is your dear mother getting on?

ALRIGHT BRAM THAT’S ENOUGH TWISTING.

and Jonathan wants looking after still.

🥺🥹 (<- Hanging on by a thread)

And now I have told you my news, let me ask yours. When are you to be married, and where, and who is to perform the ceremony, and what are you to wear, and is it to be a public or a private wedding? Tell me all about it, dear; tell me all about everything, for there is nothing which interests you which will not be dear to me. Jonathan asks me to send his 'respectful duty,' but I do not think that is good enough from the junior partner of the important firm Hawkins & Harker; and so, as you love me, and he loves me, and I love you with all the moods and tenses of the verb, I send you simply his 'love' instead. Good-bye, my dearest Lucy, and all blessings on you.

Yours,

MINA HARKER.

(Thread snapped)

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[nalledimessi]

Save me

Hello there friends, I hope everyone is doing well, I know it has been a really long time since I post, I have the terrible habit of stop writing when everything gets too much for me. This pass year my life has been like a roller coaster; I know probably all of you or the majority don't care to much about it but I have to express it somewhere and somehow, but anyway I leave you with this ending of the non-series that I made.  Divider by @firefly-graphics 

Broken Rule

Regrets

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Winchester sister 

Warnings:  Mention of killing, blood, and curses. 

Words:  827

Notes: Listen Save me from BTS 

Tag’s: @valsworldofcreativity @helenasingers @r13mar @elijahs-wife

You crumble next to a tree, your right-hand applying pressure on your bloody open wound. “Damned” you curse watching the blood staring to spread on your t-shirt.  

Leaning your head on the tree for support, you could see the clear sky adorned by stars, what a beautiful night to end up dying, you thought, well at least the constant sadness and emptiness settle on your heart would disappear and you would finally rest, although it will be forever.  

You could hear the footsteps on the dry leaves from both sides getting closer and closer “shit” you cursed, getting up, the tree as your support, taking a deep breath and trying to concentrate to find where the attack would be first “right” you mentioned, raising your gun and pointing that direction.   

“It’s impressive how far you could go with that wound” the ghoul in human form announces appearing on the other side, making you turn abruptly, whining at the sudden movement, pointing the gun at him. “I'm a Winchester after all” you replied proudly trying to ignore the buzz in your ears and blurred look. 

“Oh, I'm aware of it” starting to walk in your direction, a macabre smile on his lips “soon you will stop being one”  

Aiming your gun at him, but failing due your blurred gaze, you knew even you end up killing him, the other ghoul, that isn't too far away would reach you and kill you, lowering your gun and glancing to the sky, forgetting the ghoul in front of you “how I like to see you just one more time”  

Splashes reached your face, getting it wet, making you look in front of you, just in time to see the ghoul’s head drop along his body, reveling a human form “what the hell?” you whisper before fainting. 

Stopping the engine of your car, you release a sigh resting your head on the seat. “Let’s get this over with” you voice worn out.  

“Oh, you’re back” Sam exclaims, excited while watching you descend the stairs of the bunker.  

“Don’t get too excited Sammy” you warm him “just staying until Bobby calls back with a new assignment” you mention once you were close by. 

“Oh” he let out sad “how was your last hunting?” he inquiry, concern.  

“Same as always” passing him by in direction to your room, not giving him much attention or time to chat. “Search, hunt and kill, just to do it all over again” 

“Sis, I’m worry about you” he declared in a tone that make you stop suddenly.  

A sigh left your mouth, turning around to see him, forcing a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes, trying to calm him, after all he was your baby brother “I’m fine Sammy, don’t worry” you state before continuing your way. 

“She just needs a shower, food and a good night of sleep” Dean bring up, while patting his shoulder.  

“I hope you’re right Dean” his gaze fix where you disappear “or she could end hurting herself badly”  

Dropping your duffel bag at the edge of the bed, while at the same time falling face down on it “shit” cursing almost immediately once laying down. 

Standing up, in direction of your bathroom, the reflection on the mirror stopped you from examining your abdomen wound, dark circles under your eyes, pale skin, cuts and bruises where your clothes allowed to see.  

Lowering your head with eyes closed, good reason for Sam concerns, how could you be so reckless? Your mind drifting to New Orleans and to him. 

The ring of your phone distracts you, answering as a reflect, “Hi Bobby, what do you have for me?”  

Giving one last glance to your bedroom, you could notice all the difference between here and your bedroom back in New Orleans, all kind of books scattered around on both rooms, messy bed instead a neat one, closed and dusty smell instead of his, like sandalwood and rum spice. A scent you swear you could smell.  

Denying with your head before passing your duffel bag over your shoulder, starting your way to the garage, trying at all cost to avoid any of your brothers. 

“Y/N” Sam call your name, your hand on the garage knob.  

“Almost” you whisper before turning around, forcing a smile for your own good “Bobby call, a possible Wendigo in Oklahoma” you state.  

“Castiel is on his way, you could rest while he arrives to cure you” he suggests “if we explain Bobby, he will understand, he can assign another hunter” he offers coming closer to you.  

“I can't Sam” making him stop confuse, looking at you waiting for an explanation. You sigh defeated “hunting it's the only thing that keeps me sane” you reveal to him.  

“If this is about New Orleans, you know you can talk to me” he affirms and offer.  

“Yeah” you respond in a low voice, turning around “there’s nothing to talk about” you declared before leaving.  

A familiar scent reaches your nostrils, blinking several times to adjust your eyes to the bright light, some pieces of memory returning, causing you to a seated position abruptly.  

“You’re finally awake” the soft but firm voice express, setting your glance on him.  

“Elijah” you pronounce “what are you doing here?” question him but didn't allow him to finish “Don't get me wrong without you I would be probably dead,” you stop and start looking around “shit! I need to call my brothers; Dean will kill me” you express trying to stand up from bed. 

His hand on your shoulder, stopping you from standing “Calm down” giving you a glass of water “I came for you” turning away from you “they’re here”  

“Y/N!” Sam shout as soon he enters, reaching your side while Dean stand behind watching Elijah. 

“I would leave you alone” he said, with his glance fix in you.  

“Elijah!” you exclaim trying to stand reach him.  

He was next to you in an instant, thanks to his vamp speed, his right hand on your back and his left one on yours “I won't go anywhere” he assures you “I would get another room” caressing your hand before leaving you, Dean glance follow him.  

“So, that was Elijah” Sam state more than question, watching you nod.  

“What the hell is he doing here? With you on a hotel room?” Dean inquired, crossing his arms over his chest waiting for you to answer.  

“He’s the reason why I’m alive, Dean” taking a deep breath, remembering the events “I keep screwing up things,” Sam squeezing your hand, encourage you to continue “there where 2 ghouls instead one, I was able to kill one but I end up several injured, I was chase thought the forest, was about to kill me when Elijah appear”  

“Killing the ghoul and saving you” Sam finish for you “where were you hurt?” lifting your right side of your blouse “there’s nothing here”  

“How?” Dean exclaimed, inspecting where the wound used to be. 

“Vampire blood” you spilled out of your mouth without thinking, to then look to their confused faces “has healing qualities” you stop, taking a sip of the water glass to then continue “but if you die with it in your system, you begin the transition to vampire”  

Before Dean could start a fight, a knock on the door was listen, before Elijah enter the room “my apologies for the interruption, the vampire blood is almost out of her system and there’s nothing to worry about it” he explains approaching Sam, providing a key “you should settle down while your sister rest” he announces.  

“Oh sure, thanks” Sam answer before giving you one last squeeze in your hand “try to rest” glancing at Dean.  

Dean’s gaze changed between you and Elijah, a resigned sigh “Get some sleep kiddo” he orders before leaving the room.  

Elijah starts to walk to the room door, “stay” you shout while his hand settles on the knob. He didn't say anything, just took off his suit jacket and vest, leaving it on a chair to then walk to your side and lay down, he passes his hand under your head, making you use it as pillow, your head set on the crook of his arm. 

“How are you feeling?” he questions you, starting to caress your head.  

“A little tired and sore” answering in automatic, your mind in other things. 

“What is in your mind, darling?” moving to his side to see you.  

You lift your head to see him, your gazes crossing “Too many questions and no answers at all”  

He smiles “I would answer 3 of those questions” kissing your forehead “think wisely darling” he advice you.  

You nod, thinking your questions, after a few minutes “How did you find me?” you finally question him. 

“My sisters, Freya along Rebekah did a locator spell to find you” he expresses “they miss you”  

You open your mouth “they miss me?” you state without thinking.  

“Are you sure you want to use your question?” he questions you, looking you denied of his question and stay quiet for a few minutes.  

“Why are you here?” you whisper, not sure enough to listen the answer.  

“For you,” he declares “it seems you have you have caused a quit impression in all of my siblings, even Klaus express he don't have anyone to fight” he then presses his forehead in yours, a few inches away your face “to be true I’m smitten with you” he finally admits. 

Placing you hand over his cheek “what this means to us?” closing your eyes, knowing the answer of this question could change everything.  

He puts his hand over yours, caressing it, making you open your eyes “Darling, I love you. And I would fight for you, against anyone or anything” he announces watching you directly.” he places a kiss on your lips before standing from bed “we’ll talk about this later” he let you know before the door open reveling your brother with a tray of foods. 

[insanityclause]

Loki stars Tom Hiddleston, Owen Wilson and Sophia Di Martino joined Deadline’s Contenders TV event Saturday to discuss set design, character motivations and the potential future of the Disney+ series beyond Season 2. 

As the Marvel Cinematic Universe continues to churn out box office hits, it’s hard to believe that Hiddleston’s star-making turn as the celestial trickster brother to the hammer-wielding god Thor started well over a decade ago.

“I’ve absolutely loved playing Loki; it’s been 15 years, and it is the most magnificent and emotional roller coaster for the twists and turns,” Hiddleston said. “He has so much range and so much complexity, it never feels like [I’m playing] the same thing. But I know the reason I’m standing here in front of you today is that the audience has such curiosity and passion for and a connection to him.” 

In Season 2 of the Marvel Studios series, Loki finds himself in a battle for the ownership of the Time Variance Authority. Along with Mobius (Wilson), Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) and a team of new and returning characters, Loki has to navigate an increasingly dangerous multiverse in search of Sylvie (Di Martino), Judge Renslayer (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), Miss Minutes (Tara Strong) and He Who Remains (Jonathan Majors). Loki makes the ultimate self-sacrifice as he learns that the true crux of his glorious purpose is to watch over the sacred timeline while looking over his newfound family and friends at a solitary distance. 

“Playing Loki has changed the course of my whole life, no question.” Hiddleston reflected. “And I feel so proud of where we’ve ended up in Season 2. It was very creatively fulfilling to bring something full circle. I always saw him from the very first film as a broken soul with a shattered heart who felt like he didn’t belong … all that grief hardens into grievance. That’s what binds him to Sylvie. And the grievance is what drives him to become a villain in the Avengers and the Thor movies, and this second chance that he’s given by Mobius to rediscover that glorious purpose that he feels he’s always been burdened with … it comes in a shape he would have never recognized and would never have anticipated. And it gave him a kind of catharsis that he wasn’t ready for.” 

Considering the popularity and longevity of the character, it seems only natural to ask if audiences will be seeing him again somewhere amongst the ever-expanding MCU. “I wish I could tell you, but I have no idea.” Hiddleston quipped. 

Check back Monday for the panel video. 

[hearts4golbach]

Light Shower. (Sal Fisher x Fem!Reader)

part 1

-

"you are the light I've been searching for forever."

-

at 4:11 a.m., I sat on my bed. the warm, early summer breeze blew in through my window. I had a dollar bill rolled up in one hand and a bag of pills in the other. I dumped one out, placing it gently onto my old math book. I crushed it up, being as quiet as possible not to wake up my parents. I formed the line with my id and snorted it with one quick motion. I tilted my head back and placed my finger over my nostril, sniffing the excess up. it felt like i had just got flipped upside down to give my brain a refresh. I felt the drugs start to kick in. I put the back back in the little rip in my pillow and took out my flip phone to text Larry and Sal.

"yoooooooooooo." I sent the group chat, I felt my body relax as it usually does after a long day and some coke. I knew I was an addict. but I was holding on by a string. Having a boyfriend that hits you constantly and forces you to fuck and having parents that are constantly fighting and should've broken up ages ago dont mix well.

6 months ago, my friend brought a small packet of coccaine to school, and it flipped my life upside down. I was addicted and ended up buying and selling my own. I was a goody two shoes, always had good grades, and would have a panic attack over a C or a B. but that completely changed.

My other friends boyfriend got my number and started hitting on me. he would tell me he only wanted me and not my friend. I gave in and helped him cheat on her. we met every day at the science hall to make out. he broke up with her, and we started dating a month later. he always begged to have sex with me, even after me telling him I wasn't ready. the first time I went over to his house for dinner, he raped me in his bed. and he hasn't stopped since. I've tried to break up with him multiple times, but he said he'd kill himself so I just gave up. I gave up trying to stop him. he began hitting me after the first time I tried to break up with him. there hasn't been a day since when I didn't have any bruises on my arms, legs, or torso.

"y r u up?" Larry texted back.

"the usual reason" I rolled onto my stomach. "u?"

"set my alarm wayyy to early 2day."

"damn. meet @ the treehouse?"

"omw"

"me 2?" sal finally responded.

"of course sally" I replied.

I slipped my converse on slipped out the door. me and sal met at the elevator. he lived in 402 while I lived in 404. we spent most of our free time together. sometimes with Larry, but you two also hung out alone. you guys found it comforting sitting on the roof of the apartments talking about the past and the future. Sal was your childhood best friend, until you had to move to new jersey and leave him behind. but your luck shone like a star the second you found out Sal was moving in right down the hall from you. your reunion was amazing, like rereading your favorite book and noticing all of the smaller details or like going on an intense roller coaster. I love him with all of my heart, and I knew he did too. he expressed it very frequently. Sal knew everything about my life down to the smallest details. yes, he knew about my boyfriend. and yes, he knew about my addiction. he knew more than anyone has ever known, and he just moved back 3 days ago. you two stayed in contact after you moved, going from writing letters once a week to staying up all night texting eachother. Sal was unlike any person you had ever known, and you loved him for that. I thought back to one of my favorite memories with him.

-

flashback:

I pushed sally on the swing while his dad and my mom spoke.

"I think sal likes her." Henry smiled. "ever since they met, she's all he talks about."

my mom giggled. "Y/n aswell." she nudged Henry. "soulmates?" she asked.

"sure seems like it. she helped sal a lot, you know, meeting her when they were sharing a hospital room is no coincidence."

"nothings a coincidence." mom grinned. "when sal was put into the room, the first thing she said was 'poor boy, mommy! he can't die, his hair is too cool.' y/n cared so much about everyone else she didn't realize how close she was to death, too."

"do you remember them playing cards in the middle of the floor?"

mom pulled a Polaroid out of her wallet. "I remember every day."

Henry gently rubbed her back.

"Hey, sal?" I asked as he slid the key card for the basement into the slot.

"yeah?" his voice has a slight rasp, as he had just woke up 10 minutes ago.

"do you remember our week together at the hospital?"

"how could I forget?"

-

"what's your name?" 3 year old me asked the bluenette in the hospital bed across from me.

he gently sat down his juice. "sal, what's yours?" the one eye showing squinted, so I assumed he was smiling.

"Y/n!" I responded cheerfully. I glanced down at my tray. "want my jello? I'm not hungry."

he silently nodded. I brought the jello over and gave it to him. I jumped and sat with him in his bed. "so, sal. I'm bored."

"me too." he exhaled, forcing a small bite through his bandages.

"I have an idea!" I dug through my pocket and pulled out a thing of light pink nail polish. "we can paint eachothers nails!"

"isn't that a girls thing?"

"that doesn't matter, silly!" you scooted closer to him. "do you want yours done first?"

he nodded and gave me his left hand. I gently brushed on the polish. he looked at the bruises and deep cuts on my arms and face. "what happened?" he asked.

"a strange man hit me with his car. he broke my leg too. I had to wobble over here." I giggled. I pointed down at my leg. "why are you here?"

"I got attacked by a doggie. the doggie killed my mommy." tears filled his only visible eye. I finished his pinky nail and pulled the blue boy in for a tight hug.

-

"yo, Y/n! you must be on some hard-core shit, I can see it on your face!" Larry laughed a little too loud.

"shut the fuck up, lanky bitch." I threw a pebble off the floor at him.

"you're on something?" sal questioned me.

"it was a long day." I giggled lightly, throwing another pebble at Larry after he threw the other one back. I flipped him off and leaned my head back on the bean bag, realizing the sun was just starting to rise.

"Shawn came over today." Larry didn't know he was abusive, all he knew was that he was a massive, super mega piece of shit. Larry and Sal groaned collectively, which made you laugh. "I know, right?"

"why don't you just dump him?" Larry sighed.

sal and I glared at eachother. we both knew it was because he would hurt me or someone else. bad. I shrugged. "I love him." I didn't.

-

this fanfiction is inspired by Light Shower by Melanie Martinez. I DO NOT OWN THE SONG!

[strqyr]

i've been debating for a while now whether to write this or not. it's a bit... a lot more personal than i'm used to, but with V9: Beyond being nearer and nearer, i'm finding myself to be lacking the spark and excitement for new RWBY content that i'm used to have. for that reason, i've been doing some thinking, trying to nail down where the difference lies, and i think i finally figured it out:

the ending of V9, specifically how they handled ruby's arc.

[tw: suicide, if you decide to continue reading]

before i get any further, i want to lay down some "backstory": about two weeks before V9 started airing, i lost my beloved dog to an illness after fighting for her life for two weeks. those two weeks were a roller coaster straight out of hell, thinking the medicine given were working, only for things to get worse; and through it all, all i could think of was that if she didn't make it through the year, neither would i.

but then, afterwards, in some weird twist of fate, when every part of me wanted to stay in bed and never get up, it was her, my dog, that kept me going, simply because through the last couple of years of her life, she had slept the mornings in my bed, with me, with 1pm being the time she'd force me out of bed if i ever stayed in that late... and that following morning—or more like day lol—after her death, i happened to look at my phone, see the clock be around 1pm, knowing i had a choice to make.

and i got up. have every single day, way before 1pm, to keep part of her alive and with me.

so, perhaps needless to say, but ruby's arc in V9 hit close. i had enough time in-between to not be in middle of the worst of it, but i suppose not as enough as i thought, as not only did i lose some of the spark i had for this show, but i'm also still crying now while writing this.

for the duration of the show, the burden on ruby had been growing stronger and stronger. from being called special due to her silver eyes, to all her friends placing their trust in her leadership, believing that somehow, she always knew what the right thing to do was, to never quite feeling she could be open about her own doubts as a leader, having no one to talk to... V9 started out great. i was excited, for the first time in a long while, for the direction they were taking ruby in.

and everything seemed to be going great. all the issues, trauma, et al that ruby was holding in were slowly seeping over, until it all burst open, explosively, and she ran away; and with all of this and more thrown against her by neo, ruby drank the tea, not wanting to be herself anymore.

...then came the aftermath of her ascension, and it's here, where the writers lost me.

"you're broken! you break everything you touch! i call humans... weak! confused! incomplete!" the cat says, and it's hard to say they're entirely wrong; ruby has been broken, she has had her weak moments, she has been confused, and that's okay.

but her teammates, her friends, her sister, don't seem to think so.

the cat is wrong. ruby has never been any of those things, and that's exactly why they follow her.

like it was more important to prove the antagonist of the volume wrong, rather than offer genuine support to ruby by saying that it is okay to be broken and confused, and for her to have her weak moments because that's why they're there; to support her in good and bad. to make it clear to ruby that she can come to them and air her doubts and concerns without a fear of being shutdown, that they, too, will work on themselves to be better friends in that regard.

but that's not what happened, and even without properly registering it at the time, it felt like a punch to the gut.

during the roundtable discussion of this episode, the writers talked about ruby's arc being about impostor syndrome and i just... can't see it. not with the way they build it up. it's like a switch was flicked, and when before the problem was the burden that was solely placed on ruby's shoulder and how it was too much for her to handle on her own, now ruby ever doubting herself in the first place was the problem, and all she needed to hear was that she was perfect just the way she was; "retrospective" is not a known word here.

and for the first time, even if i do have some critiques over handling of certain storylines, i felt like what was delivered was not what was ordered. at all. and with the vague content warnings in front of episodes, it started to feel like suicide was used for the "shock value" it could provide, to get people talking on social media, rather than because the writers wanted to treat it with the seriousness it deserves.

maybe that's unfair to say; i certainly don't know their intentions. frankly i don't know the people who work on this show at all, and i've stayed far from forming any parasocial relationships to pretend otherwise. all i have is my own feelings about this, ones that i've gone over multiple times, going through episodes, seeing if there's something that i've missed that would make it make sense... i've done my due diligence, and this is the result.

this is not the end: i still love RWBY, the characters, the world and its lore... but some of the trust i had for the writers has definitely gone, as has of the spark that ensured the excitement i had for new episodes and content to the point that i'd be right here, on my seat, ready the moment a new episode dropped.

now if the birbs show up—

[peterthreee]

puts my hands out for fic snippet :-3

parksborn spider-pals fic? (because we got ONE mission of them hero-ing together and im having withdrawals)

putting it under a cut because its a long chunk! and idk how out of context it is but i hope i can build some sort of hype. if u want more, ask. its long. also- can yall lmk if u want the chapter by itself one at a time or if u can wait until i finish all three? im burdened by impatience and very excited

It’s nice out.

The sun is shining, peeking through and occasionally dipping behind passing clouds, before reemerging to speckle the sidewalk with blobs of light. A cool breeze dances between the buildings lining the street Harry's been sauntering through, bouncing off brick walls and tousling his hair, the loose pieces tickling the tips of his ears.

He smiles, silly as it is, relishing in the strange weight of a full head of hair after losing half of it to illness driven malnutrition. A result of his once plummeted appetite that left his cheeks grey and gaunt- cheeks that now puff to the sides in a stupid grin. That, paired with having hair clean enough to rake his fingers through it without cringing, when before, washing it became an ordeal that zapped what little energy he had left, and happened less frequently as a consequence. Harry beams in appreciation of it all.

He doesn't spend much time in Harlem, nor does he know his way around, but coffee's coffee. Even decaf. Too many disapproving sighs from Connors have steered Harry clear of the real deal, but it's not as though he needs the energy anymore. Screw caffeine. A fire-proof suit with inexhaustible stamina that doesn't leave you crashing face down on the couch at the end of the day? That'll put anyone off any chemical competitors.

Though, both seem to cause headaches. Duly noted.

The coffee isn't even good. Harry swishes the watery beverage around his tongue, twisting his lips to savor the unimpressive quality and bland taste. He's had better. He's had the best, and yet, not a single luxury roast could touch the warmth pouring into his chest with every sip.

After years of isolation- save for the occasional nurse popping their head into his bedroom- shakily downing a flavorless, anti-inflammatory diet while blinking vacantly at the same four walls, Harry finds easy sweetness in the bitter. From a man once spoiled blind by the riches of life, he now finds himself humbled, holding every moment- no matter the size or severity- close to his heart with gentle hands.

The coffee sucks, and it's the best thing he's ever tasted.

Okay, maybe he's sauntering through neighborhoods that his father would scoff at for reasons unrelated to stretching his legs for a cheap cup of cream and sugar. Harry's bored. Out of his goddamn fractured mind, bored. And, word on the street is- or in Harry's case, his phone that's open to the latest news story, buffering with how often he refreshes the page- Spider-Man's been hopping Harlem rooftops full of Hunters all morning. Harry takes a sip of coffee, scrunches his nose, then tugs the page down once more for good measure.

Peter never rang him. Which, sure, that's fine. He did fumble numerous times his first day on the job, jumping in with perhaps too enthusiastic of an approach to his debut in superhero-ing. How could he not? After a year spent bound to a hospital bed, every minute Harry doesn't put his body to good use leaves the fire inside him to smolder, and his skin itches with anticipation.

Discovering the true extent of his "treatment" has only exacerbated this feeling ten-fold. Why rest when you can run through an active furnace and come out unscathed? Lift a broken roller coaster track over your head without breaking a sweat? Keep up with Spider-Man?

So Harry's walking. He's been walking for quite a while, watching the sun crawl up the sky until it bakes the early autumn morning chill from the air, and making the most of something mundane he previously took for granted. Something he'd never take for granted again. The past few years definitely put a lot into perspective, and Harry's learned to appreciate it all. Things such as walking or otherwise.

He basks in the sun that previously blinded his sensitive eyes from behind black-out curtains. He bounds off the sidewalk in long strides that no longer wind him with stabbing chest pain. And he bites down the giddy smile fighting to overtake his face at the prospect of regaining the freedom he once ached for.

So he's walking, with a particular pep to his every step, leisurely window shopping- which in actuality is just steadily eyeing the glass to scan its reflection for a chance to catch a certain spider swinging by.

Following the trail of vague leads in blurry photos posted to a fan account online, Harry's managed to triangulate the general area this classified Hunter-hunting mission is being carried out in. Though, it took going the wrong way twice, then caving and asking a sign spinner for directions. It's proven quite difficult to pinpoint a location based solely on its surrounding architecture rather than a street number, and Harry's got the search history to prove it.

He squints down at the glare obstructing his phone screen, then up at a building down the street. The detailing on the brick looks similar enough. He checks again.

Peter dodged three of his calls. After an entire morning of radio silence, Harry eventually took it into his own antsy hands to get in on the action, but Spider-Man is a master at dodging phone calls, and evidently against second chances. Or maybe just persistent interruptions during life-threatening situations. Most likely the latter, Harry thinks.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. 

Much to his frustration, every single call had gone straight to voicemail, barely given a second to ring, and even though Harry knows why, that knowledge has done nothing to placate him. That, and the lame joke of a voicemail he's been met with one too many times in the last hour.

"Sorry I missed your call! Make like a tree and leave a message, hah-"

Coming to a stop before a crosswalk, Harry drags his thumb down his phone's screen, refreshing the news articles one last time, only to be taunted by a perpetually spinning throbber. The trail's dried up it seems. Horn blaring and wheels rumbling, a train barrels through on its tracks above him, the grading noise aching through his ears and chest, and he sighs, taking another sip of coffee.

A strong gust of wind blows past, hard enough for Harry to stumble into a man standing next to him, nearly bringing the both of them into the busy street. Pushing off the guy and muttering a slew of rapid apologies, Harry squints up at the blinding sky for whatever enigma of ornithology was large enough to topple a whole row of pedestrians.

The gathering crowd surrounding his little mishap is starting to chatter, and it takes a few blinks to realize they aren't staring at him, they're staring at the sky, and the chatter splits into excited cheers and disgruntled shouts, a few phones now pointing upwards. Head whipping up and around, he sees it. A smear of red and blue.

"Missed my train, comin' through!"

And he's running.

[macawritesupdates]

Writing Update 9/26/2024

Got some writing news for this one! First of all... THE FIRST CHAPTER of the Historically Inaccurate sequel is now officially in the works! It has been fully outlined and going to get ahead on chapters for it before posting <3 This one will go live when a few other fics finish up!

LONG FIC UPDATES: JUJUTSU KAISEN THE YUUJI FILES: Nearly done and it is going to be posted soon! Hoping to finish next chapter tonight and edit it tomorrow! CAREFUL WHAT YOU JOKE ABOUT: New chapter soon! Also getting a lot work done with it and eager to get it going again now that I've restructured the story for the outline

BROKEN IN THE WAYS NO ONE SEES: No chapter in the works and will be updating soon! Trying to rush this one done as per the votes in the poll. Just three more chapters to get out! CAN'T HELP A CUDDLE: A super spicy chapter is inbound...I think readers are going to be loving the update, or I hope so at least! SPOUSE WANTED: New chapter in the works and it is going to have the spice at last.... THE MALEVOLENCE OF LOVE: This next chapter scares me as it is the reunion chapter and I am not ready for it... Going to give it time to marinate for sure. TWO GRANDSONS: I write the chapters when I need something nice and fluffy in my life ; w ; WHO'S A GOOD BOY: Slowly but surely it is in the works c: MIRRORED LIVES: One day....one day... LONGFIC UPDATES: MY HERO ACADAMIA JEALOUSY IS NOT A GOOD FRIEND: Good progress for the next chapter! UNSUNG HEROES: Want to write it SHO bad! AHhh! Need to make time to work on it... A RUT TIME OF IT: On the backburner for now c: ONE -SHOTS

Pull Me Along if I Can’t Move Forward: Deku/Bakugo fic that is still slowly getting done! Hope to get some more progress done!

Heatwaves and Curses Don't Mix: A pwp fic of Nobara/Yuuji/Sukuna that is getting close to being done <3

Once Upon a Blob: Sukuna, now Blobkuna, has a plan to get his body back and it involves the old fairy tale cliche of love's true kiss. Chaos ensures.

And That's When I knew It (Might change the title though!): A silly Uraraka/Kirishima one-shot where something horribly embarrassing happens and feelings are had (and spice XD) Rituals of Ascension: ABO in the Heian era involving bitching and just pwp ....

FICS TO COME Exploration: ABO modern Sukita fic where Sukuna might have a kink he doesn't want his cousin to know... mostly multi-chapter pwp :b

Unnamed: Kugikuna fic because I'm in a mood to write something for em... Culturally Inappropriate: THE SEQUEL! It is in progress currently and getting excited! It is going to be another emotional roller coaster covering the Culling Games after Historically Inaccurate

We Wretched Few: Fleshing out the idea and preparing it for pre-producting Law Meets Disorder: Slowing down on it as I work to get it mapped out properly, but it is in the works for pre-production!

The Dragon Story: I am worldbuilding so much for this one...debating if I might try to manga page draw it? We'll see...

[yetanothersparrowofthedawn]

The Way I Loved You

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 9k

Pairing: Jake x Reader

Genre: Angst, hurt, ex!Jake

Context: YN has some big news. Chaos ensues, as per usual.

Disclaimer: THIS IS UNEDITED, this chapter has been driving me insane and I just wanted to get it out of my drafts. Also, English isn’t my native language, so I apologize in advance for mistakes and awkward wordings to come. Also, I guess this fic could be triggering for some because it’s kind of sad and angsty.

Previous Track: Style

Chapter soundtrack: That’s the way I loved you – Taylor Swift

(By the way, for every ‘Chapter Soundtrack’, basically the idea is that it’s a song that YN eventually wrote with that chapter of her life in mind)

He is sensible and so incredible

He opens up my door and I get into his car

And he says, "You look beautiful tonight"

And I feel perfectly fine.

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain,

And It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name.

So in love that you act insane,

And that's the way I loved you.

Breaking down and coming undone,

It's a roller coaster kind of rush.

I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you.

Alright, let’s get into this.

The plane cut through the clouds, having left the US behind as YN and the band embarked on a journey together. YN couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia mixed with anticipation as the Paris skyline unfolded beneath them.

The past six months had been quite a personal success. A mosaic of regular shared experiences had broken down any residual tension that might’ve lingered between her and Jake. Their casual encounters at shows, festivals, and birthdays-alike had served as genuine moments of connection, reforging the group dynamic they had all missed.

YN’s relationship with Harry, on the other hand, had blossomed into a real spectacle that constantly adorned the front pages of tabloids. This, of course, earned her a lot of suffocating attention, but amidst the whirlwind of it all, she managed to find refuge in the simplicity of the few moments she spent with the band.

The purpose of their Parisian escapade was twofold — YN was set to attend the art exhibit opening of an old friend of hers, while the band sought out some specific piece of music equipment that Sam had simply refused to order online.

It was a perfect opportunity to blend business with pleasure.

The jet touched down at Charles de Gaulle Airport and as they stepped onto the tarmac, the crisp Parisian air infused the atmosphere with a sense of adventure.

As the day unfolded, the city of lights revealed its magic. Goofing around in a place where no one paid attention to them was exactly what they’d needed. It felt just like old times.

They explored hidden corners and indulged in local delicacies until the jet lag simply became too much to bear. With tired but cheerful eyes, they returned to the hotel as the city lights began to shimmer.

__________

The lobby buzzed with the chatter of a day well-spent. YN got off the elevator on her floor, wishing the boys a good night with a smile.

As she stepped into her hotel room, her gaze wandered across the space. The muted ambiance contrasted sharply with the vibrant memories of the day.

The blinking light on the telephone caught her attention, and curiosity compelled her to check the answering machine.

With the press of a button, none other than her fiancé's voice resonated in the room, a familiar warmth despite the miles that separated them.

"Hi, love, hope you're havin' a good time with the guys. Wish I could be there with you, but I'm still in London.” She smiled softly as his words wrapped around her like a comforting embrace.

“Listen, I just wanted to let you know I just got off the phone with the jeweler,” a pause hung in the air, heavy with the weight of the unspoken, “they said they're done."

 YN fell back onto the bed with a huff, the mattress embracing her in its soft contours.  Stretched out on the bed, her gaze fixed on the ceiling, the weight of the secret she’d been keeping pressed on her conscience.

Harry’s voice, a distant echo, continued to fill the room, “The ring should fit perfectly now."

The next day arrived, and jet lag had firmly taken hold, but YN shook off its drowsy grip to join Josh, Jake, and Danny in the hotel's dining room for some brunch.

The fatigue was evident on everyone's faces. She inquired about their plans for the day.

 "Well, we have an appointment at the music store in an hour," Danny replied.

Josh scoffed, "If Sam ever decides to—"

"If Sam ever decides to what?" Sam's challenging voice cut in as he strolled over, taking a seat at their table.

"Samuel, how nice of you to join us," Jake teased.

"You know I need my beauty sleep, brother. Don't be jealous," Sam retorted. YN chuckled at the banter, enjoying the familiar dynamic.

As the conversation continued, Danny, with a raised eyebrow, steered the discussion back to the important topic, “As I was saying,” he resumed, “we have an appointment at the music store in an hour. How long do you reckon that will last?” he asked.

 Sam, with his typical nonchalance, replied, “Not sure; the call was all in French. Might be ten minutes, could also be ten hours.”

The eye rolls from Josh and Jake were nearly audible, a synchronized response to their younger brother’s signature unpreparedness.

“Alright, we should probably head out right about now,” Jake declared, scanning the surroundings. He sighed in anticipation, “For all we know Sam may have gotten the address wrong as well.”

The youngest, catching wind of the ribbing, protested with a whine, “Hey now, that’s not fair,” as the group headed out through the bustling lobby.

__________

Once they stood outside the hotel, Danny turned to YN, “Are you heading to your friend’s thing?”

One of YN’s old friends was having the opening night of her new art exhibit, an event which they were all planning on attending later that evening, and YN had mentioned the possibility of going early to lend a hand.

“Yeah,” she replied absent-mindedly, “I’ll see if she needs anything.” She looked away in apprehension.

“Alright then,” Sam said, “we’ll see you later.”

As they were about to part ways, YN nervously blurted out, “Do you all need to be at that appointment thing?” She paused, turning to Josh, “I mean… the equipment is just for the players, isn’t it?”

Josh instantly scoffed, feigning an offended expression, “Well, I happen to play something called the vocals, YN, thank you very much.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” she insisted, an unusually tense expression on her face, “please?”

Sam was about to retort with a whole bunch of technical issues but Josh, catching on to his friend’s unspoken plea, quickly intervened, "Uh, you know what, guys? I think I'll stick around with YN for a bit. I can catch up with you later."

The others, slightly taken aback, glanced at each other, then at Josh and YN.

“Sure, no problem,” Danny smiled.

YN grabbed Josh and the pair strode away, arm in arm, leaving the others slightly dumbfounded.

Josh couldn't help but shoot YN a puzzled look, to which she responded with a silent gratitude that spoke volumes.

The rhythm of their footsteps echoed a subtle tension in the air. After twenty minutes, Josh, usually the easygoing one, couldn't help but enquire, "So, what was that about?"

She glanced at him, her expression a mix of urgency and hesitation. "It’s nothing, let’s keep going we’re almost there.”

He stopped dead in his tracks, “come on, there clearly is something,” he stated, crossing his arms, “and I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.”

She stared at him, tempted to call out his bluff, but decided against it, knowing it was only a matter of minutes anyway.

 “Alright,” she sighed nervously, “I have some news.”

___________

The air hung heavy with the weight of revelation. YN's eyes, now wide with anticipation, searched Josh's face for a reaction, a sign that he had processed the bombshell she had just dropped. The silence echoed like a distant melody, the street a quiet stage for the unfolding drama.

YN finally broke through the deafening quiet. "Aren’t you going to say anything?" her voice carried a mix of vulnerability and desperation, a plea for connection.

Josh, still processing, stared into the distance as if searching for answers among the unseen horizons. The creases on his forehead deepened, and the corners of his lips twitched with unspoken thoughts. "I just—” he finally uttered, “this- it’s is a lot to take in."

 "I know, I'm sorry to spring this on you like that," YN said, her words softening the room's tension. She continued, "I've been dying to tell you- or anyone for that matter, but- with the boys and other people always around, I was afraid it would turn into a big thing, and the news would get out."

Josh remained silent; his eyes still locked on some distant point.

"So..?" YN pressed on. She needed a reaction, a response, anything to bridge the chasm that had opened between them.

"So..." Josh hesitated, choosing his words with measured precision, "we're not heading to your friend's exhibit, are we?" he finally inquired, his question cutting through the haze with unexpected clarity.

"Well,” YN couldn't help but let a smirk play on her lips, “remember we always said you'd have dibs on giving your- style opinion if I ever tied the knot?" she teased, the corners of her lips curling with a hint of mischief.

Josh’s eyes widened with surprise, "Hold on, what?" he exclaimed. The tempo of the conversation had, once again, caught him off guard. "Didn't you just get engaged?"

"I know, it's all going a bit fast," she admitted with an excited sigh. "But Harry and I were at this Westwood show a week ago and the bridal look was just exquisite," she paused, “one thing led to another and we just- booked an appointment.”

Josh returned to his silence; surprise still etched on his face.

"Come on, don't be mad," she implored, her tone softening. "You know you love a private fitting," she added, attempting to inject a bit of lightness into the atmosphere, to soften the edges of the unexpected news.

 After a while, Josh looked up, meeting her eyes. "There’d better be a lot of champagne involved," he finally quipped.

She smirked, a sense of relief washing over her. Finally, a normal reaction from her friend. "And only the best,” she assured, “this is Paris, after all."

_____________

The boutique, nestled in the heart of the 7th arrondissement, exuded an air of exclusivity that transcended the ordinary. As YN and Josh stepped into its realm, they were greeted by the hushed whispers of luxury. The walls, adorned with mirrors, reflected the rare creations that hung elegantly on display.

An impeccably dressed man emerged to welcome them with a pronounced French accent. Every detail of his attire spoke of an innate understanding of elegance, a testament to the boutique's commitment to excellence.

It was the kind of boutique that dealt exclusively in one-of-a-kind couture looks, each piece meticulously curated through age-old relationships with some of the most illustrious maisons in the world. It housed creations that transcended mere garments; they were wearable art, destined for the most exclusive clientele.

 Led by the man, Josh and YN were ushered into a private fitting room. A sanctuary of privacy, it was adorned with soft, indirect lighting and the air was filled with a faint scent of peonies.

With a polite nod, the man assured them that he would return shortly with the dress YN had come to try on. As he exited the room, Josh couldn't resist calling after him, sending a playful reminder to bring in the champagne.

The leather sofa cradled them in its plush embrace as a delicate silence lingered, both YN and Josh settling into a cocoon of thoughts.

Josh, breaking the quietude, voiced the question that hovered between them. "So, you're really engaged, then?" His words hung in the air.

“Yeah,” a wistful smile played on YN's lips at the surreal nature of her situation. "I guess I am."

"How did it happen?" Josh asked, the question laced with genuine curiosity and a hint of brotherly concern. Her eyes sparkled as she recounted the proposal.

Josh listened attentively, a complex array of emotions crossing his features. He wanted to be solely happy for her, to share in the joy of her new life, but the reality of the situation still needed time to settle.

"It's all moving so fast, isn't it?" he mused, a thoughtful expression clouding his features. YN nodded in acknowledgement.

The atmosphere shifted as Josh leaned back against the velvety cushions, his eyes fixed on a distant point. "On the bright side of things,” he suddenly stated, “Sam owes everyone twenty bucks.”

She looked at him with a confused smile, “What?”

Josh sighed, memories flashing through his eyes. “About four years ago, the guys and I made this whole wedding bet thing” he giggled, “Sam, of course, bet the first marriage among all of us would be him and Carole King,” they both laughed, “guess that’s not happening.”

 “Did you bet on anyone?” YN asked playfully.

Josh nodded silently, a serious expression quietly returning to his face. “Yeah," he finally admitted, a veil of nostalgia covering his eyes. YN's smile softened, a hint of understanding in her eyes. Of course, Josh would’ve bet on her and Jake.

"Life takes unexpected turns," she gently stated as she leaned back into the sofa. “Who would’ve thought?”

“Yep,” he mirrored her words, “who would’ve thought?”

 As the minutes passed, the pair found solace in the shared silence.

The man finally returned with a garment bag that made YN’s eyes sparkle in excitement. Josh, taking charge of the celebratory mood, promptly popped the bottle of champagne, the effervescent bubbles escaping with a soft hiss.

He poured the bubbly liquid into two crystal flutes, the delicate clink resonating in the air as a toast to the unfolding moment.  

_____________

As YN disappeared into the changing area, Josh took a seat, sipping the effervescent liquid and allowing its crisp taste to dance on his palate.

Amid the subtle symphony of sips and the rustle of fabric, Josh suddenly heard some noise emanating from the main area of the boutique. Curiosity piqued, Josh set down his glass and ventured toward the source of the commotion.

“I don’t think this is the place, it’s all clothes in here.”

Josh closed his eyes as he recognized the all too familiar voice. Sammy. He sighed, recognizing the imminent chaos that his baby brother, in all his oblivious glory, was probably about to unleash upon the sophisticated boutique.

 Josh let out an exasperated breath, mentally preparing for hurricane Sammy. As the chaos drew nearer, he glanced toward the main area.

 « Puis-je vous aider? » the owner inquired, attempting to bring order to the unfolding comedy.

“Oh, um, oui, oui, oui, Bonjourrrr Monsieurrrrr, ” Sam stammered in response, « nous, uh- ouch! Daniel, my foot!” he whined.

Danny interrupted, mercifully ending the linguistic massacre, “I’m sorry, do you speak English?” The owner nodded in response. “Great, um, I don’t suppose this building is also an art gallery by any chance? We’re looking for our friends.”

“I’m afraid not. Who are your—” the manager began before being cut off.

“It’s okay,” Josh interjected, stepping out from the doorway to the fitting room with a mixture of amusement and mild irritation, “they’re mine.”

“There he is!” Sam exclaimed before turning back to the owner, “merci very much, pal,” he said, tapping the flabbergasted-looking man on the shoulder.

As Sam and Danny approached, Josh wasted no time addressing the impending chaos. "How did you even find us her—” he interrupted himself, “Danny, how many times do I have to tell you to stop tracking my phone?"

Danny, caught off guard, stammered, his ears turning red, "I don’t know what you’re talking ab—"

"I swear to G—" Josh began, frustration evident in his tone.

 “It doesn’t matter,” Sammy interjected, nonchalantly dismissing the potential drama. “Weren’t you going to some gallery?”

“It’s- a long story, not really mine to tell,” Josh replied, visibly nervous, “weren’t you going to the music store?”

 “Well, we did go,” Danny rolled his eyes, “only someone apparently booked an appointment for the year 2032-”

“Here we go again!” Sam groaned, throwing his arms up, in the air “I already said it was my bad, what more do you want from m-”

“Alright,” Josh sighed, his patience wearing thin, “you guys should head out, like, right now. Where’s Jake?”

“Jesus, chill out, he’s just outside, on the phone with Ma’,” Sam informed, attempting to diffuse the tension.

Danny, with his signature grin, couldn’t resist adding his two cents. "You know," he said, "if you guys wanted to go shopping, you could’ve just said so."

"That’s- not it," Josh retorted, his tone carrying a mix of irritation and urgency. "Will you please just listen to me and go before—"

“Hey!” Jake suddenly appeared from behind the other two, “Ma’ says hello,” he slowly looked up from his phone. “What are we doing here?” He took a moment to assess his surroundings, “Are we going shopping?”

“No, we were just about to leave, actually,” Josh replied nervously, his words rushing out. “Y/N will meet us later.” The air seemed to tense with an unspoken secret, the ambiance of the couture boutique now a battleground for conflicting interests.

"Is she not here?" Sam asked, glancing around the shop.

"No, she’s—" Josh began, but he was suddenly cut off by a voice from behind him.

“Alright, I’m coming out…” a voice range out.

Lord, help us all.

“…but I swear to God if you start crying, I will kick your—" YN’s figure materialized from the fitting room, and instantly froze. Her eyes widened, and her words hung in the air as she recognized the crumpling faces in front of her.

The four guys, equally dumbfounded, if not more so, slowly took in the sight of their friend wearing, what very much appeared to be a wedding gown.

Sammy was the first to break the silence, “What the—”

Fuck.

___________

"So… now you know," Josh announced, absurdly loud, attempting to divert attention, "This year’s MET Gala theme is all-things-white, I know, I know, controversial, but, uh—"

“Josh,” YN cut in. She was thankful for her friend’s futile attempt to cover for her, but it was time to be honest. She turned to the boys.

“So…” She sighed hesitantly, “I guess the cat’s out of the bag, then. I’m kind of—" she paused, the word struggling to come out, “engaged?”

“You’re joking,” Sam blurted out.

“I don’t have my ring,” she clarified, “It’s getting resized, but—”

“Are you for real?” Danny interrupted.

There was a moment of palpable silence, and then YN timidly confirmed, “Y-yeah.” She wore a shy smile, and they scanned her face for any sign of dishonesty, finding nothing but sincerity. The realization hit them like a freight train.

“When’s the due date?” Sam couldn't resist adding.

“I’m not pregnant, Sam,” she snapped back, her eyes rolling with annoyance.

“Holy shit,” Danny exclaimed, rushing towards her and spinning her around. She laughed, feeling the tension dissipate.

“Someone’s making an honest woman out of YN, that certainly wasn’t on my bingo card” Sam teased, earning a look from YN, a mix of annoyance and amusement. “Alright, come here,” he opened his arms, and she gladly stepped into the embrace. “Congrats, superstar,” he mumbled into her scalp.

YN’s eyes finally landed on the one person who had yet to say a word.

Jake stood there, completely still. His gaze remained fixed on YN, an array of emotions flickering across his face. Surprise, disbelief, and perhaps a touch of realization danced in his eyes as he took in the sight of YN in a wedding dress.

 In that moment of stillness, Jake's mind raced. The news of YN's engagement hit him with an unexpected force. Despite knowing that they had both moved on, seeing his ex-girlfriend on the verge of marriage obviously stirred something within.

He watched as YN stood before him. She radiated excitement, yet looked at him with nervous doe eyes, as though seeking approval. Jake's features softened into a faint smile and he finally broke the silence, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so happy for you.”

She instinctively wrapped him in a soft embrace. Taken aback, he eventually wrapped his arms around her waist. “Thank you” she mumbled against his chest, “that means the world.”

“Okay,” Sam’s voice interrupted the moment of tenderness, “now that this is out of the way, let’s talk about this” he said, motioning to the dress she was wearing with an expression of disgust.

The atmosphere lightened as the group transitioned seamlessly from the weight of the revelation to their usual playful banter. "You don't like it?" YN inquired with genuine surprise, her eyes flickering from Sam to Josh, seeking confirmation.

Josh’s mirrored expression conveyed that his baby brother may have had a point, the unison hinting at a rare consensus. YN sighed with playful resignation, a mischievous grin creeping across her face as she hatched a plan to address the situation.

"Alright,” she announced, the glint of mischief in her eyes, “you know what we have to do, then." The boys, catching on to her playful intent, mirrored her smirk in anticipation.

"Fitting Frenzy!" they chanted with a jump, as Danny and Jake shook their head with both amusement and despair. The impromptu decision dispelling any lingering tension as they embraced the whimsical spirit of the moment.

____________

The boutique transformed into a whirlwind of shades, fabrics, and laughter as said fitting frenzy ensued. Each member of the group contributed their unique flair to the impromptu dress-hunt, turning what was initially a stressful situation into a memorable experience.

"Eggshell, Daniel?" Josh's voice echoed through the boutique, a mock sense of outrage coloring his words. "Have you gone mad? Do you think our Y/N will have some barn wedding?"

Danny, unfazed, shot back with playful defiance, "Well, I'd rather have her in an eggshell gown than that horrendous bedazzled mess you suggested." Their banter echoed through the fitting rooms, punctuated by bursts of laughter that drew bewildered glances from the boutique staff.

YN, caught in the middle of the sartorial crossfire, couldn't help but chuckle at the playful antics of her friends.

Amidst the banter, Sam emerged from a changing room, strutting down the shop in a princess ballgown layered over his shirt. "You know, this is actually much more fun than what we had planned for today," he declared, twirling around.

The boutique's managing director, growing increasingly concerned with the boys' chaotic energy which clashed with the usual etiquette of his establishment, observed the spectacle with a mix of confusion and disapproval.

As the afternoon continued, YN found herself submerged in a sea of fabrics and styles. The excitement that had initially fueled the endeavor was now tinged with a hint of desperation as she tried on dress after dress, searching for the perfect one. Despite the growing frustration, she maintained a sense of fun, laughing at the playful banter of her friends.

 Throughout the disorder, Jake moved around the boutique, occasionally offering suggestions but seemingly preoccupied with his own thoughts. His attention wavered here and there.

“Hey how about this one?” Sam interrupted his brother’s train of thoughts holding up a dress to him, but Jake wasn’t paying attention, his gaze seemingly stuck on something. “Jake?” Sam inquired.

 Breaking from his distracted reverie, Jake finally voiced his suggestion, pointing at the specific garment that had captured his attention. "No," he said definitively, "She should try this one."

The owner's enthusiasm echoed through the opulent boutique, his thick French accent lending an air of sophistication to his words. "Aaaah, I see you have the American eye, don't you? We curate very few pieces of American design, but this one," he declared, his fingers delicately grazing the luxurious fabric of the dress in contemplation, "yes, it is… quite delectable, is it not? Tom Ford, 1986. A good year."

As he held the dress with a certain reverence, Sam eagerly announced, "We'll take it," seizing the hanger from the poor man's hands and dashing toward the fitting room. "YN, look what we found!" he gleefully shouted through the boutique, the proclamation carrying a hint of mischief that made the owner flinch.

Apologizing once again for his brother's exuberance, Jake offered a sincere "Sorry about that" to the slightly rattled proprietor. The old man, despite the chaos Sam had caused, chuckled halfheartedly as he returned to the meticulous task of sorting the upscale garments.

After a pause, he turned back to Jake, his eyes holding a glint of appreciation. "If I may," he said with a knowing smile, "you have a good eye. She will look exquisite in it."

Jake nodded in acknowledgment, a sense of satisfaction warming his chest.

__________

As he headed back towards the fitting room. A chorus of oohs and aahs reached Jake’s ears.

There she was, YN, adorned in the dress he had chosen just moments ago, the sleek and elegant silk hugging her frame in a way that seemed tailor-made for her. The dress accentuated YN's beauty in a way that left him momentarily breathless.

Caught in the moment, YN looked around the room and inquired, "What do you think?" A chorus of enthusiastic responses filled the air.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Sam chimed in, eliciting a genuine smile from YN.

Turning to Josh for his opinion, YN received a heartfelt compliment that seemed to catch her off guard. "You look really beautiful," Josh admitted, his voice slightly breaking with emotion.

"Gosh, stop it,” she playfully remarked, attempting to lighten the mood, “You're going to make me cry, and I haven't even seen it."

“Well go on, then,” with a helpful hand from Danny, YN was guided onto the small platform, facing the grand mirror. Taking a deep breath, she finally looked up at her reflection, and the room held its breath in anticipation.

Her eyes began to glisten as she took in her own reflection. The dress reflected Jake’s taste for the understated, emphasizing the beauty of simplicity and allowing YN's natural grace to shine through. It was a creation of plain elegance, a sleek masterpiece crafted from immaculate porcelain silk that draped effortlessly on her frame.

A soft smile played on YN's lips as she stood there, momentarily rendered speechless by the sight before her. "It's-” she eventually said struggling to find the right words as emotions bubbled to the surface. “It’s so…"

"…you," Josh finished the sentence for her, “it’s so you.”  The collective affirmation in the room conveyed a shared understanding—the dress wasn't just an exquisite garment; it seemed to be an embodiment of YN's essence, a celebration of her being.

The owner, with an air of grace, stepped forward, breaking the tender moment. He inquired, "Now, what are we thinking in terms of hair?"

 "Up," Jake and Josh said in unison. Jake glanced down, slight embarrassment coloring his expression.

YN nodded with a radiant smile, "Up it is."

"Would you like to see our collection of hair accessories? Just to get an idea." the owner offered, leading to an affirmative nod from YN. A skilled stylist promptly approached, delicately crafting an elegant updo, revealing YN's delicate collarbones.

As she perused the display case of accessories, YN settled on a sophisticated white gold pin adorned a single pearl. The owner, appreciating her choice, carefully retrieved the accessory.

However, the pin slipped through the owner's fingers, hitting the floor with a delicate clink. Before anyone registered the mishap, Jake had descended to one knee. He delicately picked it up, his movements fluid and confident, as if the gesture had been rehearsed a thousand times before. The boutique seemed to hold its breath as Jake rose to his feet. Sam and Danny exchanged a knowing glance.

The clearing of Jake's throat pierced through the stillness, drawing attention from the clandestine intensity of the scene. His eyes met YN’s through the mirror, seeking permission.

A nod from her, gentle yet affirmative, signaled her consent, along with a soft flutter of her eyelashes. With a deliberate step, Jake closed the distance between them, the air charged with unspoken anticipation.

He extended his hand, gently placing the pin in her hair. In a moment suspended in time, his fingertips accidentally brushed against the nape of her neck. A feathery touch that let an electric current pass between them.

As the two stood side by side, the lavish Parisian boutique provided a glamorous backdrop to a silent interlude. YN, adorned in the white gown, and Jake beside her, found themselves momentarily immersed in the alternate reality painted in the mirrors. The soft ambient lights seemed to cast an otherworldly glow.

In that suspended moment, their reflection seemed to carry whispers of the 'what-ifs' and the divergent narratives that fate had penned for them.

As their gazes met in the mirrored picture, an unspoken understanding lingered in the air—a shared acknowledgment of a parallel universe where the threads of destiny had woven a different tapestry.

The boutique owner, sensing the shift in dynamics, played the role of an artful conductor, steering the ensemble away from treacherous territories. "Beautiful!" he exclaimed, his voice serving as a gentle reminder of the present moment. “Isn’t it?”

The spell broken, Jake and YN found themselves back in the shared reality of the Parisian boutique. The moment dissipated, leaving behind a trace of wistfulness and a shared understanding that some paths, no matter how enticing, were to remain veiled in the realm of what might have been.

In that fleeting moment, Josh and Sam exchanged another knowing look. They understood the silent undercurrents that had rippled through the room, visible only to those attuned to the intricacies of their story.

 "Yeah,” echoed Jake softly, a touch of unease in his voice “Beautiful."

Suddenly, a voice breaks the contemplative atmosphere, announcing, "Hope I’m not interrupting." To everyone's surprise, the figure standing at the door is none other than that of YN’s fiancé.

Harry’s entrance cut through the atmosphere like a gentle disruption, eliciting a swift reaction from the gathered ensemble. In the blink of an eye, Jake stepped away from YN, creating a visible distance as the unexpected visitor approached.

The shift in dynamics was palpable, the subtle recalibration of postures a silent acknowledgment of unspoken boundaries.

"Oh my god,” the surprise painted across YN's face turned into sheer joy as she hopped off the platform, and sprinted towards Harry, her hand tenderly finding its place on his neck. In an impulsive burst of delight, she planted a kiss on his lips, an expression of unrestrained affection that spoke volumes to those around. “What are you doing here?" she exclaimed in disbelief.

 Harry, with a casual charm, explained, "Just landed an hour ago, thought I’d surprise you." His eyes then shifted to greet the boys, who still bore the remnants of surprise on their faces. As the initial shock settled, YN, still wrapped in the delight of the moment, turned to Harry with a hopeful gleam in her eyes.

 "Are you coming to the opening tonight?" she asked, anticipation of his response lingering in the air.

“No, I’m flying back as soon as I’m done with my interview,” he said, “Actually, I have to run right now, I’ll make sure to send Camille flowers though, tell her congrats for me, will you?”

Camille, Jake thought reluctantly. Harry knew YN’s other friends. How come Harry already knew her other friends? How come he’d never heard of Camille before?”

“Are you sure you can’t stay just a little while longer?” she pleaded.

“Sorry, my manager’s expecting me back in London by tonight,” he said, prompting a subtle pout from YN. “Aw, come on, don’t make that face, love. Here, I have something that’ll cheer you up.” He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a small leather box and Josh cast a quick glance at his twin brother, who observed the scene. “I swung by Cartier on the way here,” Harry opened it to reveal a dazzling engagement ring. “There,” with gentle precision, he slid the ring onto YN's finger, “fits like a glove.”

"Thank you," YN smiled, her words accompanied by a tender kiss Harry planted on her hand.

“I left a little something at your hotel as well” he murmured, and she smirked sheepishly in response. She, by nature, may not have been driven by material gifts, but she knew how excited Harry always got.

“You’re the sweetest” she said softly.

“You are,” he retorted, “and would you look at you!” he exclaimed, eyes dancing with admiration as he twirled his fiancée around, reveling in the enchanting vision she presented. The moment, however, took an unexpected turn as he took a closer look at what she was wearing, “Hey, this isn’t the dress we’d talked about,” he questioned.

“Yeah, the Westwood didn’t exactly pan out,” Sam interjected, before YN could respond “that’s on us, mate.”

“Is this the one, then?” he said, gesturing to the gown she had on.

The room seemed to hold its breath as his question lingered. A wave of discomfort washed over YN. The very thought of walking down the aisle to Harry in the dress felt terribly inadequate for some reason.

“Uh, no,” she gently admitted after a pause, "I think I'll keep looking,” she shrugged. Her words prompted groans of disapproval from Sam and Danny. "It should be perfect for us," she insisted with a smile, though in truth, she was uncertain whose feelings she was trying to spare.

"Whatever feels right for you," Harry said, "I’ve got to run. It was nice seeing you all," and with one last peck on her lips, he exited the room.

Harry's departure left the boutique enveloped in a subtle sense of relief as Jake grappled with an internal turmoil that mirrored the brewing storm outside.

Irritation, disguised beneath a veneer of nonchalance, slowly began seeping through his veins.

 Suppressing the inconvenient truth that lay dormant within him, Jake found himself grappling with an internal struggle between acknowledging the depth of his feelings and maintaining the carefully constructed walls he had erected around his heart.

YN silently turned back to the boys, casting a quick glance at Jake. The subtle creases of his brow, a silent acknowledgment of a storm brewing beneath the surface.

“I think we’re done for today,” she declared, as she fumbled with the ring on her finger. “We don’t want be late.”

______________

As the day melted into the evening, YN's wardrobe transitioned from the sleek ivory gowns of the boutique to a fun silver dress that shimmered with each step she took. The metallic fabric reflected the neon lights that illuminated the night, outside of the art gallery they were heading towards.

Adorning her ears were emerald earrings, thoughtful gift left by Harry at the hotel, glinting subtly as they caught the sporadic flashes of the vibrant light.

The anticipation of the evening's celebration seemed to clash with the subdued mood that had settled among the group as they approached the venue,

YN, still tense after the afternoon's emotional rollercoaster, maintained a dignified composure, though the echoes of her emotional turmoil lingered beneath the surface.

Jake, who hadn't uttered a word, let alone glanced in YN’s direction since their departure from the boutique, appeared increasingly tired as resentment simmered beneath the surface.

The vibrant energy that had characterized their friendship now hung in a delicate balance, disrupted by the unexpected currents set in motion. YN, though saddened and upset by the palpable shift in dynamics, chose to endure the silent treatment. It was true that she could have handled things with more thoughtfulness earlier.

They were welcomed into the space by the sound of music and sight of a decent crowd, a mix of art enthusiasts and socialites, swirling around the vibrant works of art.

Camille, with cheeks flushed and a self-soothed confidence fueled by a few drinks, spotted YN from across the room. "Oh my God, you're here!" she exclaimed, rushing towards her old friend with genuine excitement. She enveloped YN in a warm hug, her voice reflecting both joy and intoxication. "How have you been?" The two of them chatted for a minute.

The attention then shifted to the Greta boys, looking as handsome as ever. Camille, her eyes gleaming with mischief, greeted the boys with a seductive charm. "Well, bonsoir, gentlemen," she cooed, extending her hand with theatrical elegance, "Enchantée."

Seizing the opportunity for a flirtatious exchange, Sam pushed his brothers aside, positioning himself at the forefront. With a confident flair, he lay a delicate kiss on Camille's hand. “The pleasure is all mine,” he said, prompting the others to roll their eyes.

________

As the evening unfolded within the pulsating confines of the neon-lit gallery, Jake sought refuge at the bar, carefully avoiding any contact with YN like a sailor steering clear of a storm. His deliberate avoidance, a self-imposed exile, left her feeling adrift amidst the swirling currents of tension.

Distressed by the unspoken chasm between them, YN ended up seeking solace on the terrace, where the crisp night air provided a temporary respite from the stifling atmosphere inside. Her eyes were fixed on the ring on her finger, it glistened delicately in the light, yet felt heavier than ever on her finger.

“What are you doing out here?” Danny's voice interrupted the solitude, breaking the quietude of the night. He approached YN, his breath forming visible puffs in the chilly air.

"Is that a cigarette I see in your hand?" he asked, genuine surprise coloring his words.

"Old habits die hard, I guess," YN responded with a wry smirk. She wasn’t a regular smoker, but when days were high in stress, she sometimes found comfort in the smell and taste of tobacco, a weakness from years past. She took one last drag before moving to put out the cigarette.

"No need to put it out," Danny reassured her.

"It's okay, I don't mind," YN replied, extinguishing the cigarette with a flick of her fingers. The cool night air seemed to match the tense atmosphere lingering between them. Danny, breaking the silence, finally broached the sensitive topic that loomed over the night like a specter.

"So…" he began, his words hesitant.

"So…" she echoed, her eyes teasing him.

"Marriage, huh?" Danny eventually voiced, the question lingering in the air like an uncharted path in the dark.

"Yep," she replied, a soft smile playing on her lips. Danny and YN shared a glance that conveyed an unspoken acknowledgment — a few years back, the notion of YN embracing matrimony was nothing short of an absurdity. She and Jake had broached the topic once or twice, but it simply wasn’t her style. Not at the time, at least.

As her short response hung in the cold night air, Danny's eyes held a mix of curiosity and concern. "Are you happy?" he gently probed.

"You know…?" she paused, the words carrying the weight of introspection, "I think I am." As she spoke, the echoes of her own journey reverberated through her voice.

There was a time, not too long ago, when the prospect of happiness felt elusive, hidden in the shadows of heartbreak. After Jake, she had wandered through life with difficulty. The idea of happy-ever-after had seemed like a distant dream, an illusion shattered by the echoes of what had been.

Yet, Harry had entered her life like a gentle force, a subtle breeze that whispered promises of new beginnings. It wasn't the same love, nor did it intend to be. The edges were softer, the hues more muted, but it felt right, it felt- sensible.

She had once believed that devotion could only wear the guise of what she had known with Jake, but life had a way of rewriting its own narratives.

Danny, leaning against the cold metal railing of the terrace, absorbed YN's words with a thoughtful expression.  "You've come a long way," he remarked, his voice gentle, “Both of you.”

"Yeah," YN responded, her gaze momentarily drifting to the city skyline. “He hasn’t said a word to me all afternoon, though.”

Danny nodded, understanding the weight of unspoken words. "You know him, better than most. It doesn't mean he's not happy for you; he’s just never good with change."

Amid the day's tumultuous atmosphere, Danny once again stepped into his role as the voice of reason. His words carried a soothing reassurance, a balm to the unease that had settled over YN.

She sighed, the night air carrying a hint of hesitation, "I hope so.”

 A gust of wind swept through, eliciting a shiver from YN.

“You should go back inside,” Danny said with a gentle nudge, “Wouldn’t want you to catch death before you make it down the aisle.”

 “Yeah,” YN chuckled back, “that would not be a good look.”

_______

As YN walked back inside, her eyes locked onto Jake, who, upon meeting her gaze, promptly diverted his course, striding purposefully in the opposite direction and disappearing into the men's room. The continuous avoidance and unspoken tension had reached its breaking point, and Danny’s reasonable words seemed like no more than a distant echo.

Fuck it.

Fed up with the unspoken rift, YN briskly followed the guitarist, determined to confront the lingering unease that had shadowed them throughout the day. With each step, her resolve strengthened. The hallway echoed with the clicking of her heels, a stark contrast to the lively hum emanating from the exhibit area behind her.

The door to the men's room swung open, revealing the dimly lit space within, and YN was met with the sight of Jake standing near the row of sinks. His posture, while seemingly casual, hinted at an anticipation that sent a ripple through the charged atmosphere.

She tried to hold onto her tenacity before it inevitably slipped away. "Can we talk?" she ventured, unnecessary loudly.

A flicker of discomfort crossed Jake's downturned gaze as he replied, "This is hardly the place."

"Since when has that been a problem?" she retorted, frustration seeping into the words. Jake's silence, an unnerving response, hung between them like an unspoken challenge. "We need to talk; you've been avoiding me all day," she continued, the weight of the unsaid pressing down on the confined space. “See? You won’t even look at me.”

"Alright," Jake finally shrugged, looking up at her, "Get on with it."

Caught off guard by the intensity of his gaze, YN hesitated for a moment, collecting her thoughts.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked, concern evident in the furrow of her brow and the subtle quiver in her voice.

Jake scoffed, turning away. "What do you think?" he spat, his words cutting through the air with a sharp edge.

"You said you were happy for me," she countered, a flicker of hurt in her eyes.

"Yeah, well, what the hell d'you expect me to do?” he shot back, “I wasn't exactly about to make a scene in front of everyone."

"Jake,” she sighed, her voice softening in the face of his evident frustration, “I'm sor—"

"And to find out about it like that?" he interrupted, hurt evident in his eyes. "I mean, I know we've had our ups and downs, but Jesus, I thought we still had some respect for each other."

"I'm sorry," she offered sincerely, "this— it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. I wasn't—"

"Sure,” he pressed, his voice carrying a bitter edge, “and when exactly were you going to tell me, huh?"

"I— I don't know—" she stammered, her words an acknowledgment of the disarray surrounding the situation, a vulnerability laid bare.

"Were you just going to wait until paps got a shot of that huge rock you carry on your finger?" he continued, and YN wished she could sink into the ground.  The rapid clenching and unclenching of Jake’s fists revealed the intensity of his emotional turmoil. "Or better yet, wait for me to see photos of your fucking honeymoon in the press—"

"Stop it, you know I'd never do that," she interjected defensively.

"Actually, I'm not sure I know anything about you right now," he retorted.

"And what's that supposed to mean, exactly?" she demanded, her voice tinged with defiance.

Jake looked at her for a moment, his own frustration simmering beneath the surface. "You're seriously going to make me say it?" he shot back.

"Well, I'm not a fucking mind-reader!" she roared.

"Come on, YN” he rolled his eyes, “Marriage? Mrs. Styles?" he mocked, his words carrying a weight of disbelief as if grappling with an inconceivable reality.

"Yeah, well, what about it?" she spat, attempting to conceal the hurt that flickered in her eyes.

"Please," he shook his head dismissively, as if challenging the very essence of the decision she'd made. “That's not you."

"And what do you know, huh?" she said, the echoes of her frustration reverberating off the restroom walls. "We haven't been together in years; what makes you think you know what I want for my life?"

"Because I know you!" he yelled, the force behind his words revealing a desperation to be understood. Silence hung in the air, a palpable tension between them before Jake pressed on, "and better than that jackass does, apparently,"

"You don't even know him!" she shot back, her defenses rising.

"See, that's the thing," he scoffed, a bitterness underlying his tone, "I don't need to know him. I know your taste in men."

Her eyes flickered with pain, a wounded expression betraying the impact of his words. "That's a low blow," she eventually said, a mix of hurt and indignation coloring her response, "even from you."

"Yeah, well, only the truth hurts, I guess," he mumbled, a bitter acknowledgment hanging in the air as he walked past her and headed towards the exit.

"So what?" she called out, the desperation evident in her voice. "Was I supposed to stay single for the rest of my life?" He turned around, his heart breaking as he met her sad eyes. She continued, "I—After everything- do I not deserve a chance?"

"No, that’s not-" an instinctive pull drawing him closer to her. His hand gently cupped her face, his thumb brushing away a stray tear. "You know all I want is for you to be happy."

"Well, I am. For maybe the first time in years, I am," she whispered, nuzzling her cheek into the palm of his hand. "Harry, he's good, he makes me feel- safe."

He felt a pang in his chest at her words. "I'm sure he does," he said sadly, his words weighted with an unspoken ache. "That— that's not the problem."

"Well, then, what is it?" she searched his eyes, desperate for understanding.

"It's just— " he hesitated, the words burning in his throat, unwilling to ever come out. His fingers delicately brushed her hair behind her ear, and his gaze lingered on the emerald earring that dangled from her lobe. "He’s-” Jake continued, his eyelids flickering, “he's got good taste."

 With those words, he walked out, leaving YN behind, paralyzed, the weight of the unspoken lingering in the air.

________

YN found herself back in the exhibition area, but the vibrant artwork was a blur as her mind wrestled with her recent exchange with Jake. The odd thrill of their heated encounter served as an unsettling reminder of what she’d left behind.

She’d messed up and he’d messed up, a pattern that seemed to keep on haunting the both of them, even in friendship.

Truth was, he’d probably been right. She wouldn’t have had the guts to tell him about her engagement.

Why, though, was a question she couldn’t quite answer. Perhaps she’d enjoyed that in-between. On some level. Perhaps she’d wanted to witness his unfiltered reaction, or she’d been curious as to what might happen if she let the news come out on its own. Perhaps she’d simply been bored out of her mind.

Her songwriting had seemed to have run dry recently. The more time passed, the more she found that ‘happiness’, whatever that was, presented a ridiculously uneventful subject. After all, there would be no grand choirs to sing, no chorus could come in about two people sitting doing nothing.

Perhaps Patty had been right when she’d said YN had always needed to go to war to find material to sing. But it was a dangerous game, one she’d renounced a long time ago. Too much of her blood had been shed. She had let the sword fall to the floor, only to be replaced by the ring on her finger.

Immobilized by a sea of emotion, YN suddenly felt a comforting presence beside her. Josh's voice cut through her thoughts.

"Don't worry about him,” he offered, “he'll come around eventually. It's just a lot to process."

"I know," she replied with uncertainty, her eyes still fixed on the artwork as if seeking solace in its silent forms.

"One of you was gonna end up getting married someday," Josh continued, "you just happened to be the first. That's nothing to apologize for." His hand found hers, the silent gesture conveying a silent promise of support.

_________

The following day unfurled with an air of quiet tension. It was YN’s turn to deliberately avoid Jake as they moved through the day's activities. However, the serendipity of travel arrangements had a laid out different plans for them.

As they boarded the plane, YN's eyes darted across the cabin in search of her seat, her desire to maintain distance palpable. Yet, the universe seemed intent on weaving a narrative of its own.

There, in the vast expanse of plane seats, she had apparently been expected to sit next to none other than the very person she’d been trying to avoid.

A flicker of reluctance crossed YN's face as she hesitated near the row, contemplating her options.

Just as she decided to retreat, Jake's hand gently reached out, “YN, come on,” a silent plea evident in his touch, "please?" His words hung in the air, soft yet compelling. It seemed he had renounced his fighting mood from the day before. She relented, sinking into the seat beside him.

The hum of the plane engines served as the backdrop to a charged silence, unspoken tension echoing in the space that stretched between their bodies.

Once takeoff was done, Jake hesitated, glancing towards YN with a contemplative expression. Breaking the uneasy silence, he began, "About yesterday..."

She met his gaze, her eyes reflecting a myriad of emotions, a silent invitation for him to continue. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did," Jake admitted, his voice carrying a blend of regret and vulnerability. " It's just... it all caught me off guard."

YN, too, felt the weight of remorse settling in. "I should've told you. I should've found a way to tell you before,” she looked down at her hands, “but everything happened so fast, and I-I didn't know how…"

He nodded, a mix of regret and understanding in his eyes. "Still, I was an ass.”

"I get it," YN replied softly, meeting his gaze. "It's a big change. I never intended for you to feel blindsided."

He sighed in acknowledgment, "I guess we both have a lot to process. I never expected- I mean, I didn't think it would hit me that hard."

She met his gaze, a shared understanding passing between them. "To be fair, I never expected to find myself here either," she admitted, her voice soft. "But things change, I suppose."

"Yeah," he whispered, "they do."

The tension that had gripped the air between them began to slowly dissipate as YN chose to inject a much-needed dose of levity into the confined space of the plane.

"If that makes you feel better," she remarked with a gentle smile, "I’ll make sure to have a full-on meltdown when you get married, that way we’re even."

“Deal,” Jake chuckled, a warmth spreading through him, "just make it memorable, okay? Maybe hire a choir or something."

"Oh, absolutely," she nodded with mock seriousness, "I'm thinking fireworks, synchronized swimmers, the whole shebang. It's going to be an event."

“And of course, you'll need a soundtrack.” He mused, “Maybe something like ‘I Will Survive’ or ��Total Eclipse of the Heart’?"

"Solid choices," she laughed, "but I was thinking more along the lines of Cryingby Aerosmith. Really amp it up, you know?"

"Ah, a woman of refined taste," he quipped, "I'll be sure to add it to the playlist.”

She nodded, playing along, "And a fog machine as well, for my dramatic entrance.

"Well, naturally," Jake responded, “Can't forget the fog.”

The banter continued, a familiar cadence of playful exchanges that danced on the edge of shared memories. YN, feeling a sense of relief, leaned into the easy camaraderie they had always shared.

"So," Jake eventually needled, a curious glint dancing in his eyes, "have you set a date?"

“No, not yet" she responded with a casual shrug. "But knowing us, it's probably going to be a while. We're constantly swamped with work. You know how it is.”

“Too busy to plan your special day?” he smirked, “I don’t believe it, you were already picking your dress, weren’t you?”

“Well, I do have my priorities straight,” YN laughed. “But seriously, though,” she insisted, “I swear you might end up tying the knot before I do.”

Jake chuckled in response.

__________

He would contemplate the conversation in the following weeks, assuming the wedding talk had merely been banter. The idea of YN getting married seemed like a distant future, perhaps years away.

Little did he know that merely a month later, a small, elegant envelope would arrive in the mail, bearing news that would unknowingly alter the course of their fate.

Miss YN YLN and Mr Harry Styles Request the pleasure of your company at their Wedding Save the Date

Next Track : St Jude

Series Masterlist

Hope you liked it! Once again, I am begging you all to interact and leave comments it makes me so happy to get feedback and reactions xxx

Also, this is only the beginning lol. I have a billion drafts for other chapters so stay tuned, peaceful army.

Taglist

@aintthatapity

@sinarainbows

@vanfleeter 

[mamadoc]

The next chapter of my story is posted. This one is a bit of a roller coaster with lots of feelings being revealed.

Here’s an intense part of it to pique your curiosity.

“Can we just take them out then?” Ashley asked, her eyes still closed. “This place is like a prison. The babies aren’t doing well. Let’s just be done.”

Dr. Green smiled and put her hand on Ashley’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you’re so miserable. I wish my magic wand wasn’t broken so that I could make all of your pain and sadness go away. I don’t think taking them out right now is in the babies’ best interests. Even with the shots you got when you first came here, the babies may still struggle to breathe if they’re born right now because they’re still so young. We want to give them the best chance to survive without assistance as possible. As a general rule, every one day inside will save them two days in the NICU. But it’s a balancing game. We never know when we’ll see signs they’re not doing well and need to be delivered.” She glanced over at Tim who was also looking at Ashley, her eyes still closed with her hands laying over her face.

“Staying here a little bit longer is what’s best for the babies, Ash,” he said.

For the babies. For the babies! Ashley squeezed her eyes closed even more tightly and rubbed her forehead. “And what about me?” she asked just above a whisper. “What about what’s best for me?”

Tim and Dr. Green looked at each other for a moment, neither knowing exactly what to say.

Ashley cracked her eyelids open to look at them. “See. I knew you wouldn’t know what to say. My life, my worth as a person, is gone. I have no value other than an incubator,” she said quietly. Then her voice started escalating in volume as she continued. “I have no family. My former friends are all hundreds of miles away. I don’t think I have a job anymore since I haven’t been there in weeks. My body is unrecognizable to me. You can’t tell I have bones in my ankles anymore, my toes look like little sausages, my belly has grown so much that I can’t bend over at all, and even my stretch marks have stretch marks! I’ve been miserable for nearly thirty weeks. And for me to not be miserable anymore, you’ll have to cut me open to take them out. And then when they’re out, I’m supposed to take care of them for the rest of my life?” She was shouting at this point in time, and both Tim and Dr. Green had taken a couple steps back from her.

“NO!! I MATTER, TOO! I hate this pregnancy, and I want it to be over.” She was sitting up straight in the bed. Her face was flushed with anger. The alarms on her monitors started to beep with her elevated heart rate. Dr. Green quietly silenced the alarms as Tim moved closer to try to calm Ashley down.

“Ash…” he started in a quiet, calm voice as he reached his hand out to touch her arm.

“No!” she screamed, pulling her arm away from him. “Don’t touch me. You’re the whole reason I have to be here and go through all of this. You and your stupid sperm. The sex isn’t even that good. And then you didn’t want me to get an abortion. I should have just done it, and it not told you about it.” She paused for a beat to take a big breath and narrow her eyes at Tim. “I gave you the biggest ultimatums I could think of so that you would give in and agree to an abortion. And you just gave up everything. Your job, your friends, your dog, your house, the city you’ve lived in for most of your life, and even the woman you love more than me!”

Dr. Green gasped loudly. She felt like she should leave the room. This was getting very personal, and she felt like she was intruding. So she slowly started backtracking toward the door. Tim and Ashley noticed her retreat, but they didn’t say anything.

Tim’s eyes were wide, and his jaw dropped. Ashley had never shared anything like this before, and he was shocked that it was coming out now. “That’s why you kept asking me to give things up? So I would agree to an abortion?”

“YES!” she hissed. “I was never meant to be a mother! I HATE being pregnant! And pregnancy apparently hates me too,” she said as she grabbed an empty emesis bag and waved it as evidence.

“Ash…” he said quietly. Emotional confrontations like this were not his forte. From his childhood on, he had learned to walk away, avoid the subject, or hide from any conflict to avoid getting hurt literally or figuratively. He wasn’t equipped to handle something like this.

“No. Stop.” She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye. “Just tell me, honestly, right now. Do you love me?”

Dr. Green froze in the doorway. They didn’t seem to care that she was there, and her morbid curiosity turned her to stone right where she was. Medusa herself couldn’t have done a better job. Only her eyes moved as they ping-ponged back and forth between Tim and Ashley.

Tim’s eyes opened as wide as they could. His mouth moved, but no words would come out. He knew what the truth was, but that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. As words started to form, they were shaky and quiet. “I have given up almost everything in my life for you and the babies. I have done everything you’ve asked me to do.”

“That wasn’t my question,” she snapped back at him. “I know what you’ve done.”

“Isn’t that enough?” he asked softly, shrugging his shoulders.

“No, Tim. It isn’t. You don’t love me. You love the babies. From where I’m sitting, it looks like you sacrificed all of that for the babies, not me. It’s always for the babies,” she sassed at him with anger lacing every word.

“But aren’t you sort of a package deal? I did it for all of you.”

“We will not be a package deal for long. I am done with this pregnancy. Done!” With that Ashley started to take off all of her monitors. Once her belly was free, she ripped out her IV. Then she slipped on the flip flops she had there, which were the only shoes she could fit on her feet anymore, and marched toward the door.

Tim moved to stand between Ashley and the door, holding up his hand. “You can’t do this. You’re risking your life and our daughters’ lives.”

“I don’t care anymore,” she spat.

Then Ashley moved to go past him, and he grabbed her forearm. “Don’t do this. Please? We’ve already made it this far. It may not be for much longer. Please just stay.”

“Or it may be for a couple weeks. FOURTEEN DAYS,” she replied, her eyes narrowing at him. “I’m not going to stay.”

“Ashley,” he said, frustration and anger creeping into his voice. “You can’t go. They’re my babies, too. I won’t let you risk their lives.”

“What are you going to do to stop me?” she challenged. She took her other hand and pried his fingers off of her forearm. “Are you going to hurt me to keep me here?” she asked, pointing to the finger impressions she now had on her arm. “You’re going to turn into you dad and slap me around? You’re exactly like him.”

Tim gasped and withdrew his hand as though he had been burned. He didn’t realize that he had been squeezing her arm tighter in his anger. “I… I would never…” He scrubbed at his face with both of his hands. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” He dropped down on the edge of her bed, looking down at his hands in disbelief.

“See,” she retorted. “We should never be parents. We’re just going to screw them up.” With that she turned and took a few more steps to the door.

“Are you going to stop me?” she asked Dr. Green, challenging her.

Did you like it? Read the rest of the story here.

[stardustizuku]

The Avatar of Mestionora

~ Rozemyne Playlist || The commoner daughter of a soldier, turned goddess

A little playlist I made from the start of the series; to the very end

(This was a fun project I’ve been making since halfway through Part 5. I’m so excited to finally see it finished. This was a wild, long ride, and I can’t express how much fun I had. This series has made me go through such an emotional roller coaster, so I decided to share this playlist. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as i enjoyed making it.

I’m thinking about making a separate post explaining the background of my selection. Why i chose what songs, why in that order, and how I separated the parts. But given the size of the playlist, it may take a while. That said, if you’re interested and wanna know about anything, feel free to ask! I will answer with delight).

PART 1 - Daughter of a Soldier

1.- Naughty - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

2.- Ponyo on the cliff by the sea - Noah Cyrus, Frankie Jonas (From Ponyo)

3.- Flowers in my hair - Wes Reeves

4.-My Love is Mine, All Mine - Mitski

5.- When I Grow Up - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

PART 2 - Apprentice of a Shrine Maiden

6.- Quiet - Matilda Cast (From Matilda Musical)

7.- Unsweetened Lemonade - Amélie Farren

8.- Once Upon a December - Christy Altomare ( From Anastasia Musical)

9.- Only Love Can Save Us Now - Ke$ha

10.- Go Tonight - Krystina Alabado, Emma Hunton (From Mad Ones Musical)

11.- Two Orugitas - Sebastian Yatra (From Encanto)

PART 3 - Adopted Daughter of the Archduke

12.- Chiquitita - ABBA

13.- Class of 2013 - Mitski

14.- The Milk Carton - Madilyn Mei

15.- Family Jewels - MARINA

16.- Seventeen - MARINA

17.- We Both Reached For The Gun - Chicago Cast (From Chicago Musical)

18.- Found - Sarah Stiles & Zach Callison (From Steven Universe The Movie)

19.- She Used to Be Mine - Jessie Mueller (From Waitress Musical)

PART 4 - Founder of the So-Called Library Comittee

20.- Ancient Dreams in a Modern Life - MARINA

21.- Belle - Beauty and the Beast Cast (From Beauty and Beast Movie)

22.- Non-Stop - Hamilton Cast (From Hamilton Musical)

23.- Put You in Your Place - Percy Jackson Cast (From Lighting Thief Musical)

24.- Little Wolf - EPIC Cast (From EPIC Musical)

25.- Téir Abhaile Riu - Celtic Women

26.- Fine on the Outside - Priscilla Ahn (From When Marnie was Here)

27.- The Prophecy - Taylor Swift

28.- Francis Forever - Mitski

PART 5 - The Avatar of a goddess

29.- Warrior of the Mind - EPIC Cast (From Epic Musical)

30.- Idol - YOASOBI

31.- Venus Fly Trap - MARINA

32.- Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde (From the Hunger Games Movies)

33.- LABOUR (Cacophony) - Paris Paloma

34.- Don’t Make me - MALINDA

35.- Breakfast - Dove Cameron

36.- Hit me with your Best Shot - ADONA

37.- Nothing You Can Take From Me - Rachel Zegler (From Ballad from Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes)

38.- Breathe - Leslie Grace (From In The Heights Movie)

39.- I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

40.- Fine Line - Ke$ha

41.- Product of My Own Design - Artio

42.- Queen of Kings - Alessandra

43.- No Good Deed - Wicked Cast (From Wicked Musical)

44.- Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift (From the Hunger Games Movies)

45.- Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? - Taylor Swift

46.- Ruthlessness - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

47.- They’re Only Human - Annapantsu & Caleb Hyles (Death Note Musical Cover)

48.- Thumbs - Sabrina Carpenter

49.- Respectless - Hazbin Hotel Cast (From Hazbin Hotel)

50.- The Greatest Show - Panic at the Disco! (From Greatest Showman)

51.- Different Beast - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

52.- Done For - Cast of EPIC (From Epic Musical)

53.- I am not a woman, I’m a god - Halsey

54.- Inkpot Gods - The Amazing Devil

55.- Sea of Love - Cat Power

56.- Once Upon a Dream - Lana del Rey (From Maleficent)

57.- Paciencia Y Fe - Olga Merediz

58.- To Build A Home - Patrick Watson

59.- Lover - Taylor Swift

60.- When You’re Home - Leslie Grace & Corey Hawkins (From In The Heights)

61.- Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

[shirohige-pirates]

Birds of a Feather

CisFem Reader x Marco

CW: Violence, blood, language, adult themes and scenes. 18+ only

Summary: Life has not been kind to you. After a string of bad relationships, you're a little jaded and a little depressed in all honestly. The worst day of your life seems to be the turning point, but the roller coaster ride that follows could either throw you soaring free, or have you caged forever?

Tag List: @clumsyraccoon

Chapter 32: ...?

You sat on the floor of your library, but it wasn’t yours. The endless shelves faded into clouds, and the floor was glass. It was a library, but not yours.

You were at peace in it, however, the edges of understanding nipping at your fingers as you got to your feet and walked casually through this dreamscape. It was cooler here than in your space. The shelves were steel or chrome, not the warm walnut shelves accented with bright red cherry wood. Patterns of inlaid gold you could trace while you red were replaced with deep red spinels, polished smooth and given an eerie shape.

Like bloody rocks slipping down the silver structures.

Unsettling as it was, it was so beautifully done that it didn’t bother you. When you ran your fingers over the red stones you could sense him.

A man looked at you from within a nearby bookshelf. His fingers dripped pages onto the floor, ink splotched the papers, dripping from his hair and beard. Silver and red crawled like ivy against large hands and powerful arms. His labored breath made the shelf shudder with every heave he clawed from the air.

“You’re dying.” You say simply, standing away from him, but close enough to see the state of his legs. Boot leather cracking the glass floor as his feet seep into the ground like the roots of a tree.

“I’m already dead, girl.” He sighs the words before a hearty laugh leaves him. The sound is too clear, too certain, it’s the first sound that grips your heart.

“It’s my own fault,” he continues, the holes in his wide grin leaking gold. “Out maneuvered by an office worker. An ex-noble at that.” His laugh has less life to it.

Less of him.

“… It was because of him.” You say after a moment, resolute gaze getting dragged into the dark abyss of his irises. “If you had acted sooner, or hadn’t involved him.” You let the words drop.

The silence between you is only broken by the shivering, ragged breaths being clawed from his lungs as he is consumed slowly by the world around him.

“I… won’t apologize.” You say finally.

“Zhehahaha!” The full laugh booms against the world. “ZHEHAHAHAHA! THAT’S THE SPIRIT!” The bellowed words diminish quickly, his skin turns a silver grey, and you can see his body age before your eyes. “I don’t mind losing… ta’ someone like that.”

His eyes stay on you, and you hold the gaze until the light in the endless abyss flickers out. You stay, as his skin ashes into silver, and the blood of his drips like polished spinels against the shelf. You stay until the color leaves his boots, and become clear like glass, the cracks of golden roots sealing shut.

The blots of ink, the scattered pages, the scraping draw of labored breath, are all gone.

Maybe consuming the unwelcome was how the library had built its knowledge. Though there was nothing within the pages of the books you had read to leave you with that impression.

It was a collection.

But knowledge resided within people. Within their very bones. Generation built upon each generation, and over the decades the divine became wisdom. Wisdom begot language, language begot alphabets and pictures became a means of recording so much more than before.

Knowledge translated the wisdom residing in bones and blood, and made it something more.

Something more resilient.

Something that could grow, like a vast forest with an inviting warmth of blood-stained wood and bones of gold.