#that book crippled me
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Aaaand kicking off the Discworld crossover series is a Flight of the Heron fic. A book I’m sure everyone in this blog has heard of and read. Believe me, I wanted to write a fix-it so bad, but sadly I am utterly incapable of writing stories that make people smile or bring joy. I’m still not over this book. But Death is one of my favourite characters in Discworld so, ya know, it’s a little nice. For me. And nobody else lol
Also, post-canon Monstrous Regiment is still kind of sad. Time to get angry (in the story, in the story!)
#could it be? me?? fic writing after 5 years??#and I only write 1 fic when I DID write#it was for a fandom that had me and 3 other ppl in it :’)#I NEARLY made this an Amelia Project crossover. because fuck me that ending. but I���ve already written quite a bit for this one sad fic#I would LOVE to write things that make people happy#idk what that says about me#I loved flight of the heron but dudes#that book crippled me#and like I said I love Death - very comforting character! - so this is completely for just me#I don’t think this will matter to anyone but me and that’s okay! (*crying* lol)#self conscious about my writing#my plan of attack is post these and then leave immediately
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So, in PIDW, there was obviously wife plots that could bring back the dead (mushroom body being one of them), and since we know Airplane is a hack that reuses concepts over and over, there’s probably multiple wife plots that could work, so like, where’s the PIDW fics where Liu Qingge somehow comes back to life, memories of Shen Jiu trying to save him intact, and goes to hunt the asshole down so he can repay his life debt, and along the way accidentally clears Shen Jiu’s name of all his crimes and now everyone is convinced Shen Qingqiu is a saint.
#I’m imagining this being around the time of the trial arc where lbh has sqq in the water prison and has probably already started his torture#maybe sqq is physically crippled after this or maybe lqg goes on a quest to get him a mushroom body either way it’ll be so much angst!!#sqq deserves to not be tortured okay?? because while child abuse isn’t okay neither is the cycle of abuse and also? I’m pretty sure other#peak lords treated their disciples worse you’re telling me lqg who apparently beat his disciples ritually every month or so was better??#ALSO? airplane is a confirmed hack and I don’t belive him when he’s the one telling use sqq is evil (he wrote the og book after all)#mxtx hell#mxtx fandom#liushen#liujiu#liu qingge#svsss shen jiu#original shen qingqiu#shen qingqiu#shen jiu#svsss shen qingqiu#svsss fandom#svsss#mxtx svsss#svsss au#sqq svsss#svsss fanfiction#svsss fic#svsss liu qingge#scumbag system#scum villain self saving system#danmei#pidw#proud immortal demon way#airplane shooting towards the sky
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There's advanced reading group in elementary school and then there's "you and literally one other kid get sent to a study room to read a high school level book" reading group.
And then you wonder why I'm so high achieving...
#yes this actually happened#in 5th grade me and other other kid got sent to a room with three other kids from the WHOLE school#to read boring high school books#they were still too easy btw#but yeah now I have crippling anxiety and am burnt out!#text post#gifted kid syndrome#gifted kid things
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Finally did some art for my good omens au, (yes i know im collecting aus like aziraphale collects books but oh well).
They are an angel and a demon on doods shoulders :)
I already have link finshed and am planing on drawing Taylor, Dood and Hermie as well.
Also just design notes/general thoughts:
Will saying Normal would dress vintage changed me so here he is in something vintage inspired, thought with the ever present sneakers i draw him in. I feel like he has a pupper shop or something, not quite sure, he is a mascot and local sport teams enthusiast. I should have incorporated more purple in his design to be honest, he does have some in his eyes. I feel like he uses 70s or 80s slang, generally just a word mishmash of generations. And in all his ethearnal years he has still not learnt to cartwheel.
Scary's design is mostly punk/metal/goth inspired, for once i opted for more red than purple, and brown in her hair. I decided to give her octopus eyes as a nod to her doodler connection. They are both older here (i think about mid 20s) so she gets to be even cooler than usual (she is my dress up doll for outfits i wanna wear but would be texture and comfort hell for me).
They are just besties here (sorry to my whatever their ship name is shippers im not a fan of the ship at all), and link taylor, dood and hermie will hopefully be coming shortly. As for plot stuff its good omens inspired with them trying to stop the apocalypse (idk who warlock is here, since dood is adam), its mostly show inspired since i have not yet finshed the book, and idk if plot is even really my concern i just like designing looks for diffrent situations.
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#normal oak#my art#scary marlowe#i am also wanting to draw a pirate and a cowboy au tho my time resources are limited#now i gotta go read a book for class since ive been procrastinating and i have till tomorrow#wish me luck#also my inside voice is basiclly johnathan sims now i am nearly finished with season 1 idk how#and my sudoku addiction is crippling :((((
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Jason Todd
Give Me a Character
How I feel about Jason? I love him. He's my boy. He's a martyr. He's a cautionary tale. He's always been doomed since the day he was born. The very universe itself conspires against him because readers wanted him to die. So he dies. Again and again, in every universe, he dies, and he fights, and he tries to make the world a better place, and he wants to be kind, but he is doomed, always, every time, even when he comes back. It's tragic, and I hate what they've done to him, but without it, he wouldn't be the same person. He wouldn't be my blorbo.
JoyFire (Jason Todd x Roy Harper x Koriand'r) is my OTP for this guy. And I will say it out loud, I also enjoy JayTim and JayDick. I like JoyFire because it's like… the family you choose. Each of them has trauma about getting left behind in some sense. So they'll never leave each other. Even if Jason's a jerk sometimes, he will never, ever leave either of them hanging when it matters even a little. And they're the same for him. I like JayTim because Tim thinks Jason is so annoying, and Jason thinks Tim is so smart and capable, and so there's a little bit of pining in there? Especially in the opposite way one would expect by looking at them. But Tim knows that Jason's smart, and I kind of ignore a bunch of the ugliness that happened right around Under the Red Hood with them, to be honest. Not completely, but some of it. I think that Tim can admire Jason's ingenuity and persistence even when he's rolling his eyes at him, and I think that Jason thinks so highly of Tim, even when he refuses to ever say it out loud. And as for JayDick, maybe some of it is just me smashing my favorite dolls together. I freaking love Dick Grayson. Who doesn't? And I freaking love Jason, and they have a complicated relationship, but they love each other, whether you want it to be brotherly, friendly, or romantic. They love each other, and I'll take that in any flavor I can get it.
Non-romantic OTP is also Jason and Dick. You cannot tell me these two don't share the braincell when they're in a room together. But also, they can be hyper competent together. If they're both motivated and working together, they can do anything. Including building a heated roof pool out of cardboard, a carbon metallic alloy, and a "borrowed" shop vacuum.
(Also gotta mention that I adore father-son pair Bruce and Jason. The two of them are just so wonderful together, how Jason brings such joy into Bruce's life and Bruce just wants Jason to heal and realize his dreams, ah!)
Unpopular opinion about him? Willis was a good dad. [lifts a megaphone] Willis Todd was a good dad! He was a victim of a broken system and turned to crime because it was the only means he had to provide for his family! Any time he laid a hand on Jason or Catherine was still unjustified, but it was because Willis was a deeply frustrated and scared man who had no system or room to handle his negative emotions or feel accomplishment in his life! [puts down the megaphone] Domestic abuse is never okay, and that goes the same if a woman is the abuser. But Willis was not an asshole, he was a poverty-stricken petty criminal with the most minimal support system. He loved Jason, and he loved Catherine, and he tore himself up to do his best to provide for them all the way to the end. His story is a sad one, he was not the villain, and I hate it when people say Jason is better off without him and didn't mourn him or feel bad about his death.
There's a lot of things I wished hadn't happened to him in canon, but most of all, I hate what Zur En Arrh did to him.* It was absolutely terrible, and then the fact that nobody was left to give Jason any support at all after the fact because they were all chasing Zur really gets to me. The way that one panel just showed him trembling, so small, alone, asking anybody at all for help…. It breaks my heart. Because it's always like that for him. He ends up alone, on his own, because he's the black sheep and he's mad about it, and he defends people who others leave behind. And it breaks my heart in a way that actually very truly makes me sad. Because there are people who think he deserves it. Including the writers.
#Jason Todd#Red Hood#Batman#Willis Todd#ask game#JayDick#JayTim#JoyFire#can I ax you something?#domestic abuse mention#fuck Zur En Arrh#makes me wanna throw Bruce out a freakin' window#*Zur En Arrh secretly installed a microchip into the base of Jason's neck that detects when he has an adrenalin rush#and micro-doses him with Scarecrow fear toxin when that happens#this means that Jason becomes deeply viscerally afraid every time his body produces adrenalin#this means that he can't fight#he can't have sex#he can't get excited over a book#he can't receive a gift#he can't forget something's in the microwave or get burned by the stove or be surprised by a doorbell#because all of these things will send him spiralling into a truly crippling panic attack#and that happened and then EVERYBODY just left him alone in a broken building#because EVERYONE left him alone in a broken building#because that's his damned life AND death#but hey#Dick beat Bruce within an inch of his life for it and then verbally ripped him a new asshole#so at least we got that out of it#highly doubt Jason knows about it though#anyway yeah#thanks Kate for picking the person that you KNOW I was going to go off the hardest about XD
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thought about sending this meme to my friend who hasn’t finished tgcf with the caption “it’s because Bai Wuxiang teaches him how to cook”
#tgcf#xie lian#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#I don’t know why the quality came out so bad#image got compressed for some reason 😭#when he ate his mom’s food for the last time…. that part. that part got me.#still thinking about sending the meme. haven’t done it yet. on one hand. it’ll be really funny esp once she gets to book four.#on the other hand. is it a spoiler to even insinuate that there’s a reason for xie lian’s bad cooking? that there’s something deeper to it?#because right now it’s a ‘haha that’s so funny and endearing’ character trait#it isn’t a ‘cripples you with sorrow whenever you think about it too hard’ character trait#but it will be…. it will be
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I've decided that writing Wylan is very fun and relatively easy for me, but it's also very soul-revealing becasue he has a deep desire to be perceived as competent and useful by the people he cares about the rest of the Crows and I unfortunately feel very seen about it :/
#me writing wylan: 'I see myself in the thoughts I'm making this poor boy think and I don't like it'#imo I lowkey think this is also why I've kinda...stayed away from writing jesper too often#wylan van eck#my writing#personal#writing wylan for my marya+kaz fic and the forced to choose fic#really is an exercise in restraint re: how deadpan 'you ever have those days where you think welp this might as well happen' I can make him#while also balancing his crippling self-doubt and sheer determination to prove himself#he's the closest thing to a normal kid we get in the SOC books and he's got such a big heart#but he's also out there defending his competence to a bunch of teenage criminals a few minutes after meeting some of them#and talking back to an enraged and bloody Kaz Brekker seconds after killing a man#icon. legend. we truly don't deserve him
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I think sometimes you just have to make peace with the fact that your actual hobby is collecting books. And that that's okay.
#i used to devour eight books a week up until I was about 22#i couldn't fathom leaving anything in the house unread#then it's like my brain maxed out#coincided with my cptsd manifesting in crippling depression‚ triggering my bipolar#and hitting that mid-20s adhd wall where all your coping mechanisms fall apart#it's just been getting worse ever since#i can no longer read anything but fanfic#i was able to make a great headway through alexis hall's work but then I fell into a hyperfixation again so#bye bye everything else#i couldn't read comics even when I was back to hyperfixating on comics#i can't absorb things and when I do I can't hold them in my head#i used to be able to pull out entire passages of my favourite books from memory#now I can barely remember what happened in them#sometimes i wonder whether it even mattered that i used to be such a voracious reader#sure it gave me writing skills but i was never able to do much with them because of the complete mental and physical breakdown#and people young enough to be my kids write better than I ever did#i still have the thirst and hunger for knowledge and stories#but no capacity for it at all#books#reading#just adhd things#actually adhd#burnout#book collection#knee of huss
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i just woke up in the middle of the night, started immediately like catastrophising because that’s just what my brain does. and then, not 30 seconds into it, the concept of Jay Ferin was inserted into my mind. i instantly felt better. she’s like my guardian angel <3
#kicks my feet like an anime school girl#jayyy <3 love herrr <3#ok i back to sleep now#i just thought to share that cause it’s very funny to me :]#i would like to emphasize that the last part is a joke but also not because wow girly just ‘get down mr president’ed me#except the bullet is the crippling feeling of impending doom and the president is me#which is crazy because i would never ever want to be the president i mean truly FUCK that but whatever#lmao okay but nice to know my brain still loves my pirates :]#i’ve been very very focused only on reading Worm and a few other books that i haven’t even watched Judgement yet :(#which isn’t a bad thing cause i loveeee worm sooo much and there’s nothing saying i have to watch the episode immediately upon its upload#but still man idk i think jays losing steam with keeping my anxiety back#she’s only one girl </3#a very lovely girl that i adore! but only one nontheless#though i’m sure there are people on here that would disagree hehehe#ok cal go to sleep now#baiiiii everyone :3#see you all tomorrow where i will have a very rough school day and then watch jrwi and everything will be sunshine and rainbows again#late night rambles are done for now :]#over the hills
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MOOD BOARD FOR ME RIGHT NOW AFTER FINDING OUT MY LIBRARY DONT HAVE THE SECOND LOCKWOOD AND CO BOOK
#its okay they have an e book BUT-#-BUT i will talk to staff tomorrow to request if they could loan the book from another LIBRARY#it will take a few weeks if I'm lucky but I can still get it :]]]#im just ... so so fucking desperate#lockwood and co#hot take i actually liked the series version of the Screaming staircase a bit more than the book-#- dont get me wrong i loved getting more details and extra cases where lockwood is a fuckin pathetic wet dog with an eggo to make up-#- for his crippling depression. i can never have enough of his bullshit#but the tv execution just majes a bit more logical sense
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ALSOOOOOOO i Finally got to ride a skateboard at the skatepark with bf n friends for the first time ever yesterday and i feel so 👀👀👌👌👌💯💯💯 i managed to be able to balance and push around and stop without falling and it was fun tbh!! i can see getting muscle memory and improvement by doing it consistently 😤 i just hope this aint too short of a phase for everyone so i can hopefully get me own board soon 🙏
#i kno i said i had to take it easy but it was the 4th i had to go out n live a little shhhhh#i think i skate goofy but it might be bc im left handed so its just How Its Gunna Be lmfao hopefully i'll see#theyve been starting to go there recently and a few ppl are thinking abt getting more boards and skates and ofc i Gotta get one#its practically required of me to get one AHA#being able to use my book smarts research abt footing and pushing with the right foot/ stopping without a tragedy was rlly cool#i havent fell yet but im dreading it bc that shit will be inevitable lolol its just a matter of when#it definitely takes confidence and intent and Brother i am but a teacup chihuahua#BUT that is the beauty of progress and improvement and courage#even if its just a couple months fad thing for them it would still be nice to at least get the experience#and get a better idea of what the hell my Entire story is about lmfao#i hate that it took me this long but its what i gotta do better late than never#i think i aint got crippling anxiety for everything and then i realize i cant do like 85% of things#i want to do in life AHAaa#its just one of them things i Gotta have someone do it with me so this opportunity fell into my lap and im ESTATIC#edit looked it up again and i DO NOT skate goofy i skate regualr HELL YEAH
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I wrote a short poem for a disabled spider I met during art history class do u want to read it
Five-Legged Spider on a Sketchbook
Five-legged spider on my sketchbook
How did you get there?
Can’t climb down with five legs
Can’t help, I’m too scared
Can’t draw with you on there
Can’t kill you, you’re just like me
A five-legged spider on a sketchbook
Stuck for the gods to see
#I did eventually maneuver the book so it could make it down to the table#it sat with me for the rest of class. very chill guy#absolutely terrifying of course as I am a recovering arachnophobe but I can’t kill another cripple that’s cripple on cripple violence#it was rocking the classic 4 legs on one side 1 on the other fucking legend#the elevator in that building has been broken for two weeks btw so I’d literally just gotten to class late because I have to rest multiple#times on the staircase every time#spider friend probably has an easier time navigating to the classroom than I do right now#original poem#poetry#tw spiders#cw spiders#spiders#university stuff#art stuff#writing stuff#disability stuff#local queer classicist posts#I’m using cripple in the other tags in a reclamation way as a disabled person btw. probably obvious but just so there’s no confusion
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aftg is a series about running and trauma and regressing and healing and becoming the person you never thought you could be and learning how to live comfortably in your own skin again. it’s about committing to the bit and about being a major asshole who has found other assholes and formed a family with them and about several paragraph long iconic roasts and it is about HEALING. AND JEAN IS GETTING HIS TURN. GOD.
#I first read the books when I was in an abusive situation and got to go throigh Neil’s trauma as I was dealing with my own#and now for jean’s book about healing to come out when I am out of that space and have healed……… it is almost poetic. aftg is one of the#only books to have made me cry and I think tsc will be able to make me cry as well#I’m so curious to what Nora has planned. I’m deeply invested already and SO very obsessed. pour one out for USC Trojans#it’s their turn to find companionship and happiness and care. and I hope Jean gets better and regresses and then gets better again#I hope he THRIVES. I hope we get to see stickball lesbians i hope we get to meet more Trojans I hope Jeremy is just as brilliant as always#i hope there is sunlight inside the dorms. sunlight inside the court. sunlight shining on the face of a man kept in the dark#o7 aftg you mad mad series. I love you with all the love my loveless heart can have#cats.txt#aftg is also about the use of ableist slurs which. comes with the books! maybe it’s controversial of me but I don’t give a shit about the#use of cripple. if anything the INSTANT aggression and backlash to the usage warms my heart
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more books in the mail 😏
#agggtm#a good girls guide to murder#bookblr#book collection#i have a crippling addiction to buying these books#someone please help me
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i bought the last piece of my halloween getup at claire’s on my break today (a teddy bear bucket hat that cost me 25 fucking dollars my god miss claire you’ve got some nerve) everyone says my costume is gonna be soooo cute and they’re all correct but you know something? i’m going to feel SO fucking silly wearing a costume out in public i know that sounds dumb but bro it really is so embarrassing to me, as a concept. maybe i’ll just shoot mysel
#i don’t mean other people are embarrassing i mean like for me myself#the fact that i spent all this money to look like a goddamn teddy bear out of a children’s book from the 90s#is actually so embarrassing i feel crippled by the weight of it
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also wylan and jesper have like a weird chemistry idk. usually i will cheer for anything gay but the way they interact does not feel natural at all
#is it just me like….#I think its bc their relationship is wayy more rushed than the books?#like we literally barely know who wylan is in the show. no hinting at past trauma or anything#and jesper is pretty flattened also… like…. what happened to the whole crippling gambling addiction#maybe it will come later idk but so far it seems like the only character with a significant backstory is kaz#and they are Rushing that like no tomorrow#sab liveblog
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