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blushing-starker · 4 years ago

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Anon asked for alpha Peter and omega Tony for a baby announcement. Thank you to the wonderful @vaguekiwi for motivating me and sharing her thoughts on the story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, anon.

"Tony, Tony? Are you up? It's 7:30am already, you have a meeting with Miss Potts in forty minutes. Tony?"

Soft hands curl into already silver hair, scratching at the strands in an attempt to wake him up gently. Butterfly kisses on a cold nape, a ridiculously hot nose nuzzling everywhere. Peter knows scenting the billionaire is basically the only way one can ensure a calm morning.

Not today. And not for the next few months either.

He loves his husband, appreciates the nearly romantic demeanor, he does. But "unless you have a cup of coffee for me, there is no way in hell i am gonna leave this bed. your child has kept me up with nausea the entire night. I wanna hurl my guts out more than that time Rhodes found Dad's liquor cabinet. please, tell me you have coffee."

"..." Tony is severely displeased by the fact he can read Peter like a book even with half his mind shut off because fine, he's right and dammit all.

"I want that weird drink you make. The one with milk, cinnamon and chunks of brownie. And French toast with waffles. No jam, not too much butter, as much sugar as possible. Now, go before I scream at you for having the only dick that could get a hormone fucked forty something omega pregnant. "

The kid scrambles from bed, practically face plants with all the covers tangling long legs and yup, this is the person that the universe designated as his soulmate. Because Tony Stark can never have a partner with a reasonable, normal amount of enthusiasm, stamina and a sense of balance.

That sounds like he's ungrateful, he's not. But it turns out being three months pregnant gives him plenty of perspective to peer at life in a whole new way that does not include caffeine, alcohol or sex.

Would he kill and die for this amazing human being that makes Tony's heart race no matter the day, that inspires him to be a better version of himself? Yes, no questions asked. No hesitation and no regret.

Would he clobber Peter for doing the impossible and technically causing Tony incredible discomfort on a daily basis thanks to what his doctors can only assume is a superhuman baby he already loves and adores more than life itself? Also yes.

Things aren't mutually exclusive in this household.

Pep, bless her, has yet to find out about their future mini Parker so there's been no respite on the whole 'running a multi billion dollar industry ' thing. And yeah, while it's not exactly easy, he can focus on other things and not fall into a panicky state of mind — because him? A father? Of a super baby? Tony Stark, infamous playboy with a hedonistic streak, a dad?

Just thinking along those lines makes shame and self doubt slither over a metallic plate. Working, dealing with innovative scientists, crafting the new world of tomorrow, guaranteeing the safety of their planet, shapeshifting into a role model, a mentor (for the interns and school kids he visits, not Peter, of course, thank God they left that dynamic ages ago), loyal friend, reluctant errand boy (fuck the assholes in charge of the Accords), great husband, good man, it all distracts a fearful child from thinking, what if I turn into Howard?

"I couldn't find brownies, so cookies it is! Aunt May had a few boxes sent in when I told her work was keeping you on your feet all the time. Said it'd be a good idea to snack along the day in case you—" Peter freezes, tenses with a not-so-narrow back held ramrod straight. Oh, his husband brought him breakfast in bed.

How could he ever think to clobber such a nice, wonderful—

"Your scent is odd."

"Yeah, well fuck you too then."

Five seconds of silence.

"I'm bringing you one cup of coffee and the hormone pills."

" Yup, that's a great idea. "

---------------------------

Tony’s mumbo jumbo with self loathing is firmly put on the back burner after inhaling a delicious breakfast and chugging that one glorious cup of coffee. Until they go to the bathroom and he sees himself in the mirror.

"We gotta tell them."

"You said you wanted to wait a while before saying anything."

Peter strips, ducks into the warm shower, lets out a pleased little sigh and Tony wants to rip his fingernails off. Is it bad, having sex while pregnant? No! The doctors, every single one of them, said it's a perfectly normal thing to do. It'd be bad if they didn't have sex because Tony, thanks to his crazy hormone production, needs the extra attention for his body to understand this is a happy process that shouldn't include sad pheromones or stressed out moments. Will Peter put him out of his misery and allow a quickie in the mornings? No.

"Take more than five minutes in that shower and I'm joining you."

Listen, he grew up in the 80's and 90's, Tony wasn't immune to peer pressure. Did he cave and eventually do so many squat competitions with Rhodey his butt turned into a duck's butt? There's no evidence, he's made sure, but yes. And Starks have always turned out to be beautiful, doesn't matter your gender or age. Finding a companion for the night has never been a problem for anyone in his family tree.

That, and his work as Iron Man has kept him — well, not ripped like Cap, certainly not as lean and (God help him) athletic as Peter, but fit. Sturdy. Firm. Solid. (Peter once muttered the words 'daddy-like' in regards to his body and he nearly choked on water.)

The passage of time has made him a bit slower, dusted once black hair with, as his husband says, stardust and the corners of his eyes now show how much time Tony spends laughing or frowning. All in all, he looks fucking spectacular for his age and experience as a villain-punching-bag. Thing is, he has a belly. A bump. A curve where it was once, well. Less curvy. Is it a problem for Peter? Nope, as acknowledged every time his alpha tackles him if he so much as looks oddly in the mirror. Is it a problem for him? He'll get back to you on that.

The point is, there's a belly when just a few months ago there wasn't such a pronounced belly. It's great, of course. Proof their child is growing steadily and Tony's body is adjusting to it accordingly. A small part of him, the omega part he actually lets live, is fascinated and proud. He's doing that, Tony's the one growing a human being, creating life out of nothing in his own body. That child, although not the only physical embodiment of their relationship, is a result of his love for Peter. Of how much his husband loves him. They love each other so much they're gonna start another family together. That chokes him up a bit, reminds him how grateful he is for Peter and for the other Avengers. If they hadn't been so accepting of his status, would he have ever considered going through with this?

Anyway, he's not gonna start sobbing this early in the morning when there's no alcohol involved. It's fantastic seeing his child develop, good, warm and fuzzy feelings, yada yada yada, it's also not very easy to hide. And Tony...Tony wanted to hide it from his family because.

Because Peter hasn't been the only partner in all his life that has wondered about a future with a white picket fence. Because when he was Peter's age, in his goddamn prime, a doctor, ten doctors, all the doctors told him the same thing, smashed his dream into a million pieces. Tony was nearly infertile. There was a one in a million chances of him getting pregnant. If he did, they couldn't be sure his body would be able to maintain two hearts. And then the cave happened.

So yeah. It happened to his cousins, his aunt, a few uncles, his grandmother. Tony would do a baby announcement, but only the second that baby was outside of him and safely in his arms. Now there are still several months left and nothing certain. But time is a bitch and beginning to show the world, maybe those extra pounds aren't from eating the Parker's amazing breakfasts.

"Tony, you know I don't wanna risk-" Losing control of my strength. They've been together long enough that Tony can see quite clearly between the lines.

"Hurting us, yeah, I know, I understand. I'm getting too wide, we're gonna have to tell them or Natasha will take one look at me and whoops, impromptu announcement from someone else. It's a miracle she was out on those missions when we found out." Thank God for renegade troops.

He's still looking at himself in the mirror when Peter comes out, barely dries up and slides behind him. His husband is slightly taller now, can easily hook a curved jaw on Tony's shoulder to peer at the image they make. Contrasts, he supposes, have always enthralled Tony. The study of light and shadow. Variations of the same basic components. Where his body is aging, showing signs of wear and tear, Peter's is evolving into something beautiful, majestic. Silver hair, chestnut brown. Scarred canvas, silky smooth and sunkissed skin. Soft, fragile curves, chiseled lines that deserve to be revered more than Michelangelo’s David. But their eyes, their eyes are equally tired.

“We can tell them if you want, have dinner together and just, just say it. Like that -”

“No. It's our kid, we're not gonna act like it's ripping off a band aid. This is special, unique. Dinner is good. Fantastic, actually. Wait for dessert, and announce it. “ Peter comes ever closer, wraps arms that could carry the world around him and how did he get so lucky?

They've lied to each other in the past. Mostly in the beginning, when they were too worried about hurting their new relationship to show their desires and wants. Tony didn't explain the Training Wheels Protocol. Peter tried to fight high level crime on his own. Things got hard to understand, like being in the right place at the wrong time. Puzzle pieces that didn't quite fit together, an extra inch of space prohibiting them from seeing all the possibilities that the truth could bring. They were walking the same path, just in parallel lines that never crossed.

But then he'd been rejected, thrown away and able to realize how fucking stupid it was to let Peter go when being near the kid, it felt like finally breathing after residing in the deep end of a pool for a thousand years. So Tony ran after him one day, crashed into his AP English class, half assed an excuse for the baffled teacher, yanked Peter out of the room and proceeded to have the best make out session of his life with his back against the kid's locker. And now they don't lie, ever.

Which is why it's so hard to accept Peter's, “You're beautiful, Tony. The handsomest man I've ever seen in my life. I loved you before, I love you now, I'll love you forever, Anthony Stark. You carrying our kid doesn't change that, how could it, Tony? It's going to be ok. The three of us will be ok and I won't stop thanking whoever decided I'd get to marry my wet dream.”

Scorching kisses trace his pulse point slowly, sharp nails start dragging against a too thin shirt, but it's the fact that Peter hasn't looked away from him, is confidently holding his gaze through the glass, that makes Tony shudder and stop breathing.

The bathroom is flooded with pheromones, cinnamon and honey assaulting an unprepared billionaire, and he'll die if they stay like this, can't function properly, brain switching gears, trying valiantly to remember baseball stats, past wounds, May's cooking because Peter's gonna wreck his sanity if those hands keep winding down, if those lips don't stop unraveling him like a Christmas present.

“If I'd known you'd get this handsy and romantic, I would have complained about how I look earlier." It's a gasp, half murmur, half plea as Peter grins at him shamelessly. “I know it's rude and wrong and sexist, but I like comforting my omega, acting like a stereotypical alpha. Makes me feel like I'm doing my job of making you happy. “

He quirks an eyebrow, is glad Peter can be comfortable enough to take the reins every once in a while. “You're telling me that assuring me I'm still drop dead gorgeous, “ his husband snorts, nips at Tony's shoulder for that quip, “ makes you horny because you feel like an alpha comforting, and I quote, ‘your omega’? “

Peter reverts back to the shy teenager who could barely ask a girl out to the homecoming dance, ducks his head into Tony’s neck with a blush quickly spreading over damp skin. “Well, I've got news for you, sweetheart. Your wet dream also thoroughly enjoys it so you better break tradition and have sex with me to remind me I'm the hottest man you've ever seen. "

He's actually serious about this, his self esteem hasn't exactly been, you know, the best and Tony's mood always improves significantly after playing around in bed with Peter. Besides, it's a sign of trust. Peter won't hurt him or their child, will be able to hold back his strength. He always does.

Listen, it's not exactly moral, but he has more than enough problems to go ahead and analyze his attraction and dependency on Peter while pregnant.

“So, I can distract you from your bad thoughts by acting sort of possessive and taking you to bed? " Oh, he adores when his husband is afraid of showing a new side of himself and asks for permission ever so sweetly.

“Babe, if you don't, I'll kick you out of the apartment. Give me possessive Peter Parker any day you want, like I'm gonna complain about a gorgeous, brilliant twenty something year old all over me. Now what's it gonna be, alpha dear, bathroom or bedroom? I wouldn't mind the tile but, oh God, I forgot you could pick me up." Tony clings to broad shoulders, can't help but laugh because aren't they a pair?

-------------------------

After having what he's sure was the best sex of his life, Tony stumbles out of the bedroom with torn clothes, a dazed look in his eyes and several bruises blossoming around his neck. Peter's halfway out the doorway when Tony whistles, makes sure all their family is paying attention, blurts out, “Peter and I are having a kid. I'm pregnant, woohoo, it's great, it's amazing, save your congratulations for later. We'll do a proper thing soon, if anyone interrupts and they're not dying, I'll kill you myself. See you in a few hours, " and yanks him back in while Friday activates Sock on the Doorknob Protocol.

Rhodey and Nat clink glasses while waiting on the others to pay up on their bets regarding Tony and Peter's odd behavior.

--------------------------

Later, much later, like, two days later, they have a proper dinner with their family in the tower. There are balloons and streamers, cake and ice cream, warm hugs and gentle cheek kisses, subtle tears and full on weeping (Happy had to borrow a box of Kleenex), pictures and videos and a pile of gifts taller than Tony.

The most important thing, though, is that the A.I recorded the reaction after Clint asked about baby names. He's grateful they went to the doctor before tonight. The visit revealed a treasure Tony thought he'd never have. Now it's time to reveal it to their pack.

His husband snuggles up to him, is so ecstatic the whole dining room smells like cinnamon and honey, like joyous love he'll never get enough of. Tony grins at him, curls their hands together and repeats the same thing over and over again in his head.

It'll be ok. They'll be ok. If the universe keeps giving Tony the greatest gifts he could ever want, maybe it's time he stopped looking at the horse's mouth. That's how it goes, right? Right.

He turns to look at Peter, loves him so much it aches, feels tiny feet pressing against his stomach. Guesses he's not the only one smitten with this incredible human being.

“We were thinking Marie,” Peter smiles at him, eyes lit up and lovely.

Tony is never going to forget this moment, this warmth in his chest.

“And Benjamin Parker-Stark.”

Their family loses their shit and both Friday and Karen have ample proof.

(@puppypeter look, omega tones! @tonystarkisaslut thank you so much for allowing me to use the prompt board! I am still accepting prompts! Although I can't guarantee getting them ready within a few days, I'll try to finish them on the one week mark depending on how long the fic is!)

#tony stark #peter parker #starker #peter parker x tony stark #ironspider #peter x tony #soft!starker #lovely anon #prompt fill #my writing #baby announcement #alpha!peter #omega!tony #omegaverse starker #did i love writing this?#yes i did #mpreg #a/b/o

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striveattemptfail · 3 years ago

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Which BOYS’ VOLLEYBALL CAPTAIN are YOU? | G, 1.1k

Summary: Written for the Interactives section in @hqmagazine.

Read on Ao3

A/N: I got Kuroo—reblog/reply with who you got! c:

See the accompanying art of the captains by @aradied~! On Tumblr / On Twitter

🏐🏐🏐🏐🏐🏐🏐

the QUIZ

Across the country, high school volleyball captains give their all on- and off-court. Find out which of these top six captains you are with this quiz! Choose the number that best suits you and add your points in the end to find your result. Have fun!

What do you believe is the best form of potato?

Regular french fries

Hash brown

Sweet potato french fries

Potato chips/crisps

Baked potato

Raw

What is your role in a group project?

The Brains (you do all the research)

Group Leader (you organize everything and everyone)

Team Player (you do what you gotta to get things done)

Slacker (you do the least amount possible)

Perfectionist (you make sure everything is correct)

Presenter (you do most of the talking at presentations)

What do the tabs on your internet browser look like?

A tab with Spotify and/or SNS of choice is usually open

You only have one tab open at a time

You’re about to lose your mind because you can’t find that one tab that has autoplay on

You can no longer read the title on the tabs because there are too many

Several tabs are open but grouped into different categories/subjects

Incognito mode

What are your manga reading habits like?

Moderate Pop (you keep up with a few popular manga)

None (you would rather read something else)

Moderate Niche (you keep up with some of the lesser-known manga)

High Pop (you read all the manga all the time!)

High Niche (you read only for specific manga/genres)

Low (you only read what your friends recommend)

Choose which style of texting suits you most.

Almost perfect syntax but occasionally slip with typos

Completely perfect grammar with capitalization, punctuation, and sentence structure

Very casual typing with things capitalized or punctuated for Comedic Effect

CAPS LOCK ONLY OR ELSE WHY BOTHER

You don’t mind getting cute with it. Emojis and emoticons are everywhere~~! (>3•)b

A strange combination of everything above

Someone just confessed to you. What’s your reaction?

You don’t realize it’s a confession until someone tells you afterwards

Politely decline because you’re not looking for a relationship right now

(Finger guns)

Accept and excitedly ask where your first date should be

Turn on the charm and flirt back to cover up your own excitement

(Left on read)

A difficult assignment is due tomorrow, but you haven’t started yet. What do you do?

Get into a study group with others who haven’t finished either

Nothing, because you finished that right after it was assigned

Beg a friend to copy off them

Nothing. You accept your fate and take that L

Stay up late finishing the assignment but make it look like you didn’t spend all night working on it

Calmly spend the evening completing what you can and still receive a good grade

What Hogwarts house do you belong in?

Gryffindor

I never got into Harry Potter

Slytherin

Hufflepuff

Ravenclaw

A different school altogether

What is your opinion on superhero movies?

Completely neutral

Dislike

They’re pretty good, but it’s too easy to piss of a superhero fan

Love, love, love, LOVE them!

Sci-fi (or another genre) is better

You’d rather watch something else

Choose an opposing team.

Shinzen High

Date Tech High

Nohebi Academy

Johzenji High

Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High

Itachiyama Academy

(See your results below the cut~!)

🏐🏐🏐🏐🏐

the RESULTS

(10–18 pts) Sawamura Daichi | The Team Dad

You got... Sawamura Daichi!

You’re practical and grounded—a reliable foundation and fit to lead others. You achieve balance with your hard work and dedication. Perhaps you’re a little scary or intimidating when things get out of hand, but everyone always looks to you for guidance and support. You’re probably the parental figure of your friend group, or at least the one who asks people to text them that they arrived home after dispersing from a get-together.

(19–26 pts) Kita Shinsuke | The Serious Caretaker

You got... Kita Shinsuke!

You like to be frank about what you think and observe. Others may think you have robotic tendencies as a result of your logical approach to things, but this quality is exactly why you get things done. When the going gets tough, you have the firm confidence to achieve success. Your serious nature may be off-putting to some people, but beyond the hard exterior is a very warm and soft side where you express your affection with the same amount of careful calculation.

(27–35 pts) Kuroo Tetsurou | The Provocation Expert

You got... Kuroo Tetsurou!

You like to tease and poke fun at others but it’s all out of love and respect. Sometimes the best way to bring the best out of someone is to provoke them just a little bit, and you subscribe to this belief like a monthly magazine. It can get you into trouble sometimes, but in the end no one underestimates your cunning strategizing. Besides, your jokes are ultimately harmless and pretty funny too.

(36–43 pts) Bokuto Koutarou | The Headstrong Jock

You got... Bokuto Koutarou!

You’re enthusiastic about what you love and not afraid to show it. Even if you’re not an athlete, you’re just as skilled at what you do. Your passion is infectious, impossible to miss, and people appreciate your energy even when they don’t understand it. You’re incredibly friendly and helpful to those who need advice. Being headstrong can sometimes mean that you’re emotional or stubborn, but this strong-willed attitude is exactly what makes you the star of a team.

(44��52 pts) Oikawa Tooru | The Pretty Playmaker

You got... Oikawa Tooru!

You have all eyes on you as the charming leader. You can attract crowds with your attitude, your work ethic, or—in most cases—both. In other words, you look as good as you play. It’s hard to strike a balance between form and performance, but you pull it off gracefully. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but no one doubts that you can finesse things to go your way. The bonus is that you look great doing it.

(53–60 pts) Ushijima Wakatoshi | The Formidable Challenger

You got... Ushijima Wakatoshi!

You have all eyes on you like players facing the Final Boss. You’re the one who makes things happen. You have the talent and skillset to appear invincible, so much that you might even buy into your own myth. Despite how intimidating you can be, you also care just as deeply. You work hard on what you do and expect nothing less from those around you. At the end of the day, everyone understands why you’ve earned the title as one of the strongest around.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyu #hq!!#sawamura daichi #kita shinsuke #Kuroo Tetsurou #bokuto koutarou #oikawa tooru #ushijima wakatoshi #haikyuu fic #hq!! fic #hq!!fic #jercy's challenges #jercy attempts words #fanfiction #fanfic #long post

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dansnaturepictures · 3 years ago

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My wildlife/photography highlights blogs of 2021: Post 8-The story of my Easter weekend and April week off of day trips

Cuckoo, Kingfisher, seabirds, Whinchat, Glossy Ibis, early purple orchid, early spider orchid, Duke of Burgundy, Grizzled Skipper, Golden Plover, Little Ringed Plover, Ruff and more

In true pandemic fashion which we are now all so used to this old style of my highlights post is one I would have written about our return to Pembrokeshire for the seabirds of Skomer Island and more in April but of course just like our 2020 Anglesey trip (which eventually went ahead in 2021 as my next highlights post details) the health and safety of the nation had to come first as we battled the new variant of Coronavirus as a country and the holiday could quite rightly not go ahead. We did like the Anglesey 2020 holiday manage to postpone it until next year. But we kept the week’s leave following my Mum’s birthday on the Saturday, and I decided to do a highlights blog about the trips we did during that week off and also on the Easter weekend not long before it in a run of a few long weekends I had due to using up annual leave too so a key period of my year for many reasons. This was something interesting to record together as the week off in this format was happening due to the pandemic you could say but by April restrictions had begun easing with the stay at home order ending so we could go back to walks at nature reserves etc. that little bit further afield which we couldn’t go to in fuller lockdown and day trips too so there was something of a real rebirth of getting back to precious places for us around these times.

On a brilliant warm and very sunny Good Friday capping a week of that kind of weather and spring abounding everywhere I saw so much and took consistently very high amounts of photos that week we relished the chance to as we had hoped to on this bank holiday visit the marvellous Martin Down one of our favourite places a true beautiful wildlife haven. On Good Friday we got a quintessential farmland and spring quartet of year ticks for birds the first time we had got four bird year ticks in a day since week one the year 5th January as my year list hurtled into the 120s with its resurgence continuing. All incredible species Corn Bunting, Wheatear, Yellowhammer smashing to see rarer/harder to see or key spring time birds and a fairly surprising gem of birds to see two Golden Plovers in a field their gold shone a bit in the bright sunshine. The Golden Plovers one we missed at the coast until this point but farmland in spring is a good place to find them which we hadn’t done much before so I looked back on this as one of my key year ticks in 2021. It was also amazing to see Roe Deers in this field and a possible Fallow Deer elsewhere on this athletic walk as well as two Brown Hares my first of the year adding to the top day very nicely with one running towards another. Rooks a key bird of Martin Down showed very well that day at Martin Down their presence instead of Carrion Crow and Magpie I’d become so used to whilst working from home symbolised how we swapped an urban area for a rural one that day for me I’d noted something similar before and on the way I had not seen any for a while and it was epic to watch two tussle with a Buzzard as they mobbed it a very beautiful and interesting sight. We saw more Buzzards as we walked on with notably three in their air at once all looking sublime against a bright blue sky as they always do. The adorable Skylarks provided an electric, beautiful and intricate soundtrack to the day and we got some stunning views of this special bird too. Being up high on the paths I adored taking in the panorama of the countryside, with splashes of that addictive spring time green colour as well as pockets of blooming blossom and flowering gorse. I took the first picture in this photoset of such a view. I was delighted to then spot a rustic bright brown Kestrel glide on the wind as the Skylarks were to the backdrop of one distant field with a bit of the iconic yellow oilseed rape transforming the landscape yellow which you so often see here. A stunning image that I took away from the trip for sure. A little bit later a gigantic Red Kite flew over and it was a pleasing hat trick of raptors which we quite often do here. A key element of a brilliant walk. I also loved seeing Brimstone butterfly very close and getting a picture of one landed on a dandelion which I was pleased with I loved being so close alongside Peacocks the two big butterflies out and being seen by me at that stage in the year as well as lots of lovely little violet flowers a key flower of my spring. That day I also really was charmed to see firm looking Mistle Thrushes really well in my best ever year for them, Pheasants seen well with one flying not something we see too often actually, an unexpected Great Black-backed Gull for the rural farmland area and some big bees and lovely bee flies a key spring species I loved looking at which I did have a good spring for this year.

On Good Friday I had great day at home before coming out too in a time I saw so much and took so many pictures at home in a relaxing morning I enjoyed a lot of those at that time in the year too I really liked taking in the flowers and blossom around and seeing how much green there was in the landscape out both the back and front that delicious and addictive shade of light green on the trees in spring which I also took in at Martin Down. On the way to and back from Martin Down I loved taking in very colourful flower scenes too including primroses and daffodils I saw the latter at Martin Down too. We also took a detour at Harbridge near Blashford Lakes on the way. Alongside Canada Geese, Mute Swans and Lapwings well we also saw two Small Tortoiseshell butterflies flying by a very nice spring time and hopeful view of my original favourite butterfly which I liked my first of the year.

Easter Saturday brought an equally packed, fantastic, captivating and wild day of exploring the vast blue Solent and sweet sea air and feel, with the sun in and out a little but shining for so much of the time which I felt absolutely so lucky at illuminating the precious and gorgeous reedbeds, lagoons and mudflats of this also one of my favourite reserves the Pennington part of Lymington-Keyhaven nature reserve. It was a smashing bird fest in a time of the year I went through so many glorious days of seeing lists of wildlife especially birds as long as my arm as I saw my first lovely rosy Linnets, adorable, smart and pretty Little Ringed Plovers one shown in the second picture I took in this photoset that day, heard and saw the one of my favourite calls and sights wonderful Cetti’s Warbler, sweet looking first hurundine of the year Sand Martins and gorgeous beautiful, notable and striking patterned Ruff including the one here with the smashing white head of 2021 topping the day before with four year ticks by getting five. All of these such crucial parts of spring which I just adored seeing, like the gorse and blossom beautifying this already such stunning and peaceful New Forest coastal landscape and such precious habitat so well. Bluebells and flowering gorse mixed together made a sweet mental image and one I took too with my camera to take away from the day too. This helped my year list soar well through the 120s as my proud run of catching up with my year list continued well. There were reminders of winter around that day too with Brent Geese and ducks Shoveler, Red-breasted Merganser, Teal, Wigeon and Pintail around more traditional winter sightings here alongside key spring time species like the plovers and Avocets whilst around in winter too but really showing they were there to nest on fishtail lagoon at that stage we got a striking view of two right over our heads. Standing out also on that walk was a few rapturous minutes of raptors when first of all we spotted a Marsh Harrier a key bird for Lymington-Keyhaven gliding at the back of a lagoon a nice view our first for a while at that stage. Then we scanned into the distance with binoculars and spotted a wonderful Peregrine on a post. A lovely bird to see and it warmed my heart at a time I was connecting to the regular Peregrines I usually see so much at Winchester Cathedral in normal times via the webcam. But things got a whole lot better for us with the Peregrine as it flew towards us and dashed over our head! An exquisite view and startling sight. It was flying loosely towards the Marsh Harrier too so an amazing moment and those few minutes adding to what was very much an Easter of raptors.

This was also supported well before we came out that day by seeing another fantastic Red Kite at home in a strong time for this as my first patch birds old style highlights post mentioned gliding over the houses and going towards Lakeside where I had never seen one at before so this counted as a fifth patch tick for me this year. There were great moments with a fly I got a macro picture of, flowers and sunset on a second I found notably light quite late evening that weekend. At Pennington other highlights that day included more bees and bird wise yet another Dartford Warbler luckily this year, many Shelduck getting a great moment seeing them and the similarly coloured Shoveler together, Great Crested Grebe, Little Egret, Reed Bunting, Rock Pipit, Snipe, great Lapwing and Oystercatcher views with Mediterranean Gull and Skylark heard very well too they both have sensational calls with the distinctive wail and the beautiful song respectively.

The next day yet another very sunny and warm one which we were so lucky with we were back at the same reserve at the Lymington end meaning we walked nearly all of the coastal path within the reserve over the Easter weekend we did walk the whole way once before on a day. On the walk that looked so beautiful and serenely blue drenched in the sunshine I was thrilled to see so much wildlife and across the whole of Easter Sunday take an incredible amount of photos again, including my first Swallows of the year always such a key moment of any spring and one that brought me so much joy it was probably my best ever day for seeing Swallows for the first time in a year I think with rather than the usual one a very decent few seen and some very close really getting to make our their fairly exotic colours and strong features with those iconic long tale streamers. Like Crossbill the month before it was a year tick a year to the day that it was in 2020 which was very interesting and it was the third time my first Swallow of a year symbolising spring had come in the perfect moment on an Easter Sunday. This took my year list to a wonderful place as year tick ten of my Easter weekend, in a spring rather than a time at the start of the year with everything being in a year tick for amount you get on walks then this was rivalled only at that stage by a day I got ten year ticks in one day in spring 2014 for the scale of what was happening.

Also that walk I loved seeing a bold and large Sandwich Tern dash over us fishing over the sea. It flew up the coast and flew back round again, a brilliant showing and this was a fantastic fresh nautical moment a star of my week off in January and I reflected at that moment upon how good a few years I was having for seeing Sandwich Terns feeling I could see them with more ease the past few years. I also adored as we did a few weeks prior at Pig Bush in the New Forest mentioned in my New Forest highlights posts seeing the iconic Lapwing in flight driving right over our heads on what was a fantastic Easter weekend of waders for me, not only screaming their delightful “pee-wit” call which gives them another of their names but we heard the almost sonic boom-eque drum of their wings beating surrounding us as it passed over a sensational natural experience. I also enjoyed that day hearing Mediterranean Gull and hearing and seeing Skylark so well again, seeing another B list favourite bird of mine to the tern and gull Spotted Redshank their bright, shining, distinctive and impressive scarlet, grey and black markings we got some great up close views as well as seeing once again this year loads of stunning bronze brown summer plumage Black-tailed Godwits also taking a picture of “Where’s Wally” ilk memorably with one Redshank visible in a picture with loads of these birds gathered together on Normandy lagoon which I was pleased with and the photo of this seemed to do well on Twitter during the #BirdsSeenIn2021 hashtag I enjoyed taking part in part of a wonderful initiative of the hashtag challenges started in lockdown by the amazing BritishNatureGuide and on the Self-Isolating Bird Club on Facebook. So many of the star species were the same as the day before with Avocets and Teals everywhere which was brilliant I loved seeing both well in numbers as well as straggling Brent Geese, Shelducks, Oystercatchers with one I photographed well wading in mud with the mud on its beak and feet and Shoveler. Other highlights that day were Grey Heron, close Turnstone view and Meadow Pipit seen, Carrion Crow with something interesting in its beak as well as an unidentified butterfly and gorse, fumitory and other flowers I loved seeing and some New Forest ponies.

I couldn’t resist an early afternoon Lakeside walk before coming out on Easter Sunday which produced as well as great colourful scenes of the forsythia hedge and tree out the back going from pink blossom to red and another budding and other great at home scenes that day an exciting view of a Blackcap and Brimstone and Small White butterflies. Over the Easter weekend we got chatting at a safe social distance to so many brilliant people enjoying being out and in nature too which was fantastic and made me happy.

Slightly different weather on Easter Monday was characterised by breathtaking and notable sky scenes with memorable clouds which I loved taking in and photographing both at home and on a walk at the Titchfield canal path I took the third picture in this photoset looking over Posbrook flood there some of the best looking skies I’d seen this year the year I loved taking in and photographing sky scenes more than ever. On the Titchfield canal path walk I made it a third hirundine year tick in three days as with a group of Swallows and Sand Martins stars of previous days we were thrilled to spot the bluer plumage of a House Martin flying another very important spring year tick it was great to watch these beautiful birds for a bit. It was my milestone 130th bird of 2021, getting eleven year ticks during the Easter weekend was incredible and unprecedented for me it also meant four consecutive days of year ticks for the first time since the early weeks of the year. I also liked seeing a Stock Dove that day as well as good numbers of Shoveler and Gadwall like the two prior days at Lymington-Keyhaven, Little Egret, a Grey Heron’s head skulking in the long grass, more Shelduck and Black-tailed Godwit, Greenfinch in a top year for them which I took a picture of as well as a Great Tit which I photographed in a spring tree like I had done with a Blue Tit at Lakeside the Thursday before the Easter weekend which was interesting and we heard nice amounts of the beautiful Cetti’s Warbler that day. With the sun in and out in the day I had a wonderful sunny Easter Monday late afternoon/evening as I relaxed a lot that afternoon and I enjoyed seeing this and taking pictures out the front as well as seeing birds well in the sun in the garden the time at home was brilliant over the Easter weekend too and I photographed two of my favourite garden bird the Goldfinch on the feeders that day.

On my Mum’s birthday we spent some time in Winchester as I had a dental hygienist appointment and we headed to the cathedral beforehand in case we saw a Peregrine nesting at that time there which we didn’t but did know from the webcam Winnie the female was behind the ledge incubating the eggs which was great. It was very enjoyable to see a Large White butterfly flying by my first of the year, I saw Peacock and Brimstone fly by too as the butterfly season was well and up and running and going very well for me I was on a good run at that stage. In Winchester that day we spent a very pleasant while in this beautiful now slightly unlocked city in brilliant sunshine with special blue sky. We liked observing varied and colourful flowers including at the cathedral grounds straggling daffodils, as well as some blooming bluebells in a strong run for them and some periwinkle in Winchester. It was also great to see beautiful views as well as see birds such as Pied Wagtail and Great Tit go onto headstones in the cemetery type area which was interesting. We saw Blackbird, Goldfinch and Winchester park regular Grey Squirrel making its way over the grass for a long time well in the sun here too which was nice I saw well and got a picture of a Grey Squirrel on 1st June at nearby Abbey Gardens. It was also quite poignant to see the flag on Winchester cathedral of course flying at half mast on the day of the funeral of His Royal Highness Prince Philip Duke of Edinburgh a key point of the year. It was great to see three Buzzards on the motorway on a gloriously sunny early afternoon as well some pretty solid yellow oilseed rape fields and get great views of Rook flying, Goldfinch, Starling and House Sparrow including an adorable view of one drinking from our water fountain as they do and a lovely bee on one of the many dandelions at home that strong day.

We then that Saturday moved onto Stanpit Marsh where we were stunned to see the jet black curved beak exotic beauty of a bird that is the long-staying Glossy Ibis there that day our first of the species this year only our fourth ever sighting of one we have had a lot of joy with them in Dorset. It was great to spot it that day and see it moving in and out of view in long marshy grass and get an astonishing moment watching it on the wing and then it flew right over our head it was just sensational to be able to have that intimate moment seeing it so closely a cracking view of this special bird. Securing a view of one three years running symbolised a quite rare bird that we happily have had the opportunities to see more frequently these days it seems. We saw it again in a little pool here having a wade it looked glorious especially when it raised its head for a second and the soft early evening sunlight caressed the feathers of its back and head. It was one of the most beautiful and captivating natural moments I’d had this year. I managed the fourth picture in this photoset of this bird. Such is this bird’s exotic nature that for a minute I could have been in an African swamp rather than a Dorset marsh and I am not trying to criticise the sensational Dorset or anywhere in the UK by saying this and indeed it’s a way to help me express that I feel British wildlife is world class and we celebrated this a lot when speaking to others that day which was great.

That day I also saw my important for spring first Redstart of the year a female, Little Egrets and Shelducks two of my favourite birds in great numbers, stunning views of another of my favourites Great Spotted Woodpecker and Kestrel in the woods flying, two lingering Wigeon, lots of Mute Swans, Black-tailed Godwit well in the orange plumage and in numbers again, Curlews, other waders, both black-backed gull species we don’t often see them together, Rock Pipit, Wren and Linnet and Greenfinch on another nice day of finches were among the other highlights. We also heard Cetti’s Warbler and possibly a faint Reed Warbler that day a first of the year if so, and there was a great view of some Sandwich Terns two sat with Black-tailed Godwits in the water and one battling with a gull who wanted its catch it was great to enjoy Sandwich Terns again one for the weeks off for me it seems and one I had a top 2021 for. We did also see two great different flowers at Stanpit, some bright white scurvygrass adorning the marsh floor and some bright yellow marsh marigold emanating also from the grassy areas which looked stunning I had seen neither before. Daffodil and bluebell were around there too as we loved taking in ideal conditions of bright sunshine flowing through and pretty warm and sky and sea a divine shade of blue. In a perfect beginning to the time off that day on the way in and out we took in some beautiful New Forest vistas and this included some nice bright red tulips with some daffodils which I took a picture of and liked admiring on the way back.

The next day another very sunny one where some soft cloud lingered against the bright blue sky that day and I took quite a lot of vegetation photos at home and there was a beautiful sunset that night, we went to a colourful including blossom and very green local Stoke Park Wood for a walk to the chorus of a Chiffchaff calling and Robin singing we enjoyed a brilliant view of the former too and I liked seeing the latter as well. It was one of my key walks of spring as I loved seeing the bright blue butterfly Holly Blue my important first of the year of this key species as it was here last year taking my year list to a milestone ten which I was thrilled with and it was my third butterfly year tick in as many days during a sweet circus of butterflies that sunny and pretty warm day where Peacock, Brimstone and Large White were stars too. I took many photos I was really pleased with that day it was quite a colourful and varied set including a photo during a cracking view of a key bird for this place and one of my favourites the handsome crow that is the Jay. It was also as I celebrated on that Sunday’s #WildflowerHour on Twitter which I always love taking part in when I can a brilliant day of flowers. I loved seeing loads of two types of bright white delights and smooth and immaculate gems of flowers the larger wood anemones and smaller greater stitchwort both like the Holly Blue I really wanted to see at that time. I also really very much enjoyed seeing 2021 star for me lesser celandine and more marsh marigold create a yellow carpet in the woods and some bluebells had just started to create a sea of them which is one of the best sights in nature. There was a strong moment that sticks in my mind which I photographed the scene of with a bee sat on a lesser celandine and a wood anemone next to it which was stunning. I also liked seeing Song Thrush well as well as bees and hoverfly that day and some nice broom.

The next morning I noticed a Buzzard out the back at home glide beautifully against a great blue sky right outside my window it was fantastic to see it in sharp focus and make out its pure beauty and large extent. A smashing wildlife moment to kick start my first day of the five days of annual leave. On that Monday we did one of our favourite trips to do in the country, going to Portland harbour and bill and we called into RSPB Lodmoor on the way back having passed other Weymouth nature reserve Radipole Lake on the way in too a trip that for excitement has been a bit of a cup final style day over the years. We had an incredible day of wildlife watching and photos it was absolutely one of the best days of my year and ever. I saw butterflies and flowers well too alongside stunning scenery in the most gorgeous of sunshine that day ideal, sensational and spacious scenes it was so rewarding to take in and be in I loved taking a picture the fifth in this photoset looking down chesil beach too but birds took the headlines as we timed our visit to this migration hub perfectly to pick up some needed and crucial species coming in on the spring migration and throughout the day in a nice variety of habitats I got a staggering eight bird year ticks making a personally historic day for me an area I did have a day like that before for amount of year ticks during, taking my year list to 141. This was monumental figure to reach as it meant I had at that stage seen the same amount of birds as I had in 2020 at that stage I was so far behind for so long and a few days like this with so many year ticks and incredible runs helped me get level. We first went to Portland harbour in the sunshine poking through another interesting soft cloud formation and here we enjoyed trying out a present my Mum got jointly for her birthday and it was also for her wedding anniversary and her husband’s birthday too we had been giving money on these occasions towards this too a new telescope. It was great to look at a ship a Disney one, the famous white horse in this area in the telescope seeing the brilliant sharp quality it offers at a few zooms and more landmarks as well as a Cormorant we saw Carrion Crow and Herring Gull well here too it really is a quality telescope really brilliant to look through certainly a present we were proud we could get for them. At the harbour I also enjoyed seeing the moon in the day time I took so many pictures of the moon around that time and firstly there but throughout the day I noticed it in the view some yellow rapeseed oil fields the beautiful yellow colour the fields go in spring which I love every year.

At Portland Bill we were delighted to see our first this year of four of my favourite birds the adorable Guillemot, glossy looking Razorbills seen very well, elegant Fulmars with some seen so well gliding and swerving from the cliff’s edge and a glorious large Gannet. I reflected at this point how after months of lockdown it was just so nice to be at a coastal place we hold dear my favourite habitat watching birds I really do adore. I had obviously done my “#ASeabirdADay” Twitter daily past photo tweeting thread on Dans_Pictures as part of many like butterflies I did to see me through the winter lockdown which got me very passionately thinking about my almost unparalleled love for and history with seabirds so seabirds in particular was something I longed for when restrictions eased and this sums up exactly what this week off was all about for me. We also went on to maybe unexpectedly see two quintessential migrants and both quite early for us a striking Whinchat and a delightful group of Willow Warblers. At Portland Bill also that day we got a cracking view of a Rock Pipit on arrival and saw loads of Wheatears really well these exotic white rumped buff birds showing so very well they seemed to everywhere one of my best ever days for them. Other highlights at Portland Bill that day were Great Black-backed Gull, Raven, Linnet, Skylark, lots of great views of Swallows and a Sand Martin, Small White butterfly with a glorious view of two mating and I saw some smashing flowers at Portland that day with seathrift and my first buttercup of the spring standing out.

Two more crucial year ticks this year followed at a sun kissed Lodmoor after I loved taking in my childhood holiday location and second home Weymouth the sights of this special place, with more supremely bronzed black-taileds a Bar-tailed Godwit with its nicely paler plumage, striking eye stripe, slightly upturned beak and bars on its tail and a nicely almost goldy looking Common Sandpiper. Mediterranean Gulls seen and heard and same for Sandwich Terns as they delightfully wheeled overhead stood out too as did a stunning view of a star bird here the Marsh Harrier drifting over the reedbed. Other Lodmoor highlights were two of my favourite birds the Little Egret and Shelduck, Grey Heron seen very well too, Mute Swan interestingly coming over to us with their wings stretched out behind and other waterbirds I saw in quite stunning lowering evening sun which presented perfect photography conditions one I took of a swan I was very pleased with one of my standouts this year, great views of Robin and Blackbird with some beautiful singing too and nice flowers here too like green alkanet and periwinkle. We eat a chippy tea on the outskirts of Weymouth at Preston that night looking back over into Portland and at a beautiful little church and lovely bit of pink blossom to see which I loved taking. A fond memory I took from this one of my days of the year and best days ever I am sure. When home just as it was getting dark the moon looked amazing and bright so I took a picture of it once more over those days and I also photographed a lovely spider in my en suite I had seen this right before leaving that morning.

After being near its estuary at Stanpit Marsh on the Saturday in more stunning and gorgeous sunny and pretty warm weather we loved being at the river and surrounding woodlands and rural landscape it was a perfect place to be at Stour Valley nature reserve in Bournemouth where we had been and really liked. It really was so relaxing and refreshing to stroll down this beautiful landscape taking in some beautiful views and spring time scenes illuminated by the sunshine once again. Wildlife wise on the walk I loved hearing the scratchy and echoing sound of the Reed Warbler and then we saw it my first this year moving my year list one ahead of how many I had seen a year previously and the third highest amount of birds I had seen at that point in a year, and we also saw our first damselfly of the year in the form of one of my favourites the Large Red Damselfly getting a great view of it. Great to get started on damselflies there, and there were many other great insect and flower moments that day too there was a brilliant scene where we saw a large swarm coming out of a tree it almost looked like smoke coming down it was really beautiful to see. It was quite a mysterious group of midges which was captivating to watch. And a photograph I took of this allowed for a wonderful moment later on in my year when after reposting this picture in response to similar being shown live on BBC Springwatch on the Friday before, on 1st June my favourite TV programme which inspires me and I love seeing every year used the picture on air which I was so humbled by and thrilled with. Having presenter, well known photographer and one of my idols Chris Packham introduce my image was amazing. He had actually introduced a photo of mine not on TV but on a winner’s day 10 years earlier when my Water Vole at Arundel WWT photo was regional under 16’s people’s choice winner in the WWT Photography competition. I am still so thankful to the team for this. Back to Stour Valley Nature Reserve in April and on some lovely flowers and nettle type vegetation I enjoyed seeing some ladybirds as we did the day before and I took a macro picture of one and then noticed some ants with this beautiful ruby red beetle we saw a black beetle earlier on too and there were a few ladybirds about which I always love seeing and there were a lot of other great flies and things around. Brimstone, a special view of one of my favourites the Orange Tip, Speckled Wood, Comma and the in the ascendency at that stage Peacock and Small Whites about a lot gave me a high in the year at that stage of six butterflies seen in a day. Star flowers that day included bluebells including some pink and white I loved seeing all the different varieties of bluebells this year, lesser celandine with a fly on at one point, dandelions and cuckooflower and garlic mustard of which there was much which I loved learning and taking in that day.

We reached a stunning and noisy of piece of fast flowing river with some rapids, and three birds stayed there near enough the whole time we were there as we walked on then came back to this spot and sat on a bench for a bit; a lovely Grey Heron skulking on the opposite bank and having a little look into the water, a Black-Headed gull fixed on its post not something we too commonly see actually within a river really but the good few we saw that day seemed to use it as a happy hunting ground and a Mute Swan that had an occasional shake which was spectacular to see as always and a second Common Sandpiper in as many days at this bit was striking to see and it eye catching to see Kingfishers the star bird of this place and habitat, the visitor centre is named after it and a bird we had hoped to see that day. Walking back we heard a delightful Cetti’s Warbler and heard a Chiffchaff calling too. All of a sudden the divine Cetti’s darted right out of the vegetation and spectacularly flew right in front of our faces. A top intimate bird and wild moment. Later on we got a great view of a Blackcap in a bush very nice to see this warbler too. We saw a Chiffchaff, as well as nicely singing Blackbird and Robin at the visitor centre as we enjoyed tea and cake it was really nice to indulge in this side of the holiday for relaxation. Tea tastes so good when drunk al fresco as I have always said. Other highlights at Stour Valley nature reserve that day were; Buzzard, Nuthatch, a great view of a Wren, Moorhen, and some mayfly and some other flies. I loved seeing Jay on the way and Sparrowhawk just as we left the reserve that day too. When home I liked seeing flowering on the camellia bush and daffodils going strong still in the front garden as well as see some blossom coming on a tree in a neighbouring property visible from my room and I took a photo of another on the street behind it looking nice and red after it had blossomed before we left that day and I liked seeing the now regular gathering of Starlings on the green out the front (which Lesser Black-backed Gull, Herring Gull and Jackdaw would join in with later in the year as it continued) and in trees in the evening as well as some Feral Pigeons there in another strong day for stuff at home around the day trip.

I had one of my most unforgettable days of the year and ever the next day as we returned to another star of the June week off last year of day trips which this one mimicked, Surrey’s Thursley Common. One of the main points to this was to try and see the famous “Colin” the Cuckoo who visits this reserve and we were not disappointed as we spent a few hours in the Parish Field at the reserve and got the most phenomenal, sensational, close and magical views of this iconic species. I took so many pictures of this bird and was in aw to watch it so close. Through hearing him both at a distance and up close it was our first time hearing and seeing a Cuckoo this year an important and key moment if I am so lucky enough to get it in any spring. It was surreal at this first moment and all afternoon to hear a Cuckoo calling so closely. It’s so pure and magical and almost unbelievable that you can actually hear it. I did find it almost sounded different close up but amazing. As we sat very comfortably in some foldable chairs I just loved seeing the shiny grey feathers, piercing eyes and distinct posture and mannerisms of this one of my favourite birds being just metres away it was as though I was looking at (with the greatest respect to other species I love) garden birds feeding rather than a quite rare migrant. Magnificent views as it flew around in the area it goes on the ground and to the tree, called lots and eat mealworms. I took the sixth picture in this photoset of this amazing Cuckoo that day.

There were many other star birds that day including yet more Woodlarks this year we got sensational views of two of these rustic beauties coming to the same area in the field, we saw Redstarts well too another star of Thursley giving an amazing showing these bright and beautiful red, black and grey birds on my B list of favourites. We got a special view of another of my favourite birds the Dartford Warbler one we got a smashing view of flying and on top of vegetation. Hearing a Curlew on World Curlew Day and Green Woodpecker stood out too hearing both Curlew and Cuckoo calling at once at one point was an incredible natural moment it was great to hear Curlews in this precious habitat a quite endangered bird, as did seeing Linnet; Chaffinch, Blackbird, Robin and Carrion Crow came to feed too in this really wildlife rich area of field, Red Kite, Buzzard and Kestrel all circled over this field at one point with Kestrel seen elsewhere on the reserve and Buzzard seen on the way in on the journey and Mistle Thrush a star here too showed well that afternoon with a Peacock butterfly going over at one point too. At home when we got back Starlings showed well on the green out the front again and I took a picture of blooming green trees in great evening sunlight. It was great to see the landscape and vegetation of Thursley Common really recovering from the heath fire of last year that day too and also fascinating to see the addictive light green springtime shade in the trees which I loved seeing so much this year everywhere as we do usually come a bit later so it was different to what we’ve seen here before.

I loved hearing Colin call when he left the immediate area and went into a further away clump of trees too between his two showings and I managed to record him calling when close on my phone as I have done with a Cuckoo before just before we left just for my personal use which I liked a different souvenir to the 24 photos I produced of him some of them among my favourite ever wildlife photos to take and all of them together among my best ever Cuckoo photos I would say, both so precious for me as I left feeling quite sad to and that evening I remember being stunned and so happy with what we’d seen and done that day and feeling positively tired it was a great buzz of something so special. Well that week had things been different we could have been at one of the greatest places for nature in the country having one of the most intimate and amazing experiences of nature in this country with one of my favourite birds and maybe been on Skomer Island in Pembrokeshire seeing the Puffins. But I was absolutely getting just that with this extraordinary Cuckoo and the other top class wildlife. It was the perfect way to enjoy this one of my favourite birds in my ten year anniversary year of seeing my first some of my greatest and closest ever views and moments with a Cuckoo this was the stuff of dreams for sure. I have to say a key part too of why I just had so much fun that afternoon and felt so in aw of what was happening was at a safe social distance the people we got to talk to as well. Those who watch Colin a lot so gave us invaluable information about this special bird, this special reserve as well as helpful tips on how to get the best photos and information about Cuckoos and everyone else people who had never or rarely been before about the Cuckoos, Thursley and general nature topics. It was so much sheer fun and such intimate wildlife experiences had and all at no cost and in a safe way.

During a productive morning before going out the next day I took a little stroll at Lakeside. I wanted to do a walk there just along the northern path and back out before a trip with the whole family as it was stunning again weather wise that day very sunny and pretty warm it seemed to have got a bit warmer and I put sun cream on when we all went out for the first time this year . So it would be nice to see it like that. Before reaching Lakeside I noticed that just like memorably over the full lockdown Easter of 2020 the tree in a neighbouring property visible from my room had started to blossom really rapidly and it now looked a sight for sore eyes with the white blossom bursting out against a blue sky. So I walked past this in the street and took a picture. At Lakeside I took in more beautiful views of lush and green vegetation which I was loving seeing at that time and some blossom, as well as breathtaking scenes over the lakes and around the grasses of the estate seeing it covered in daisies and dandelions was fantastic and all of this was a brilliant way to mark the important Earth Day a day I love celebrating to show why Earth is an amazing place and we need to protect it. I was so happy to see a male Orange Tip at Lakeside really well again and I was on to a great spring for them seeing so many. On the walk also I liked hearing a Song Thrush and geese going overhead, and seeing Robin, lots of Starlings and Mute Swan. I took some flower pictures at home and pictures around the garden too including one of a Collared Dove and Woodpigeon, and I also saw Starlings well at home.

On the Thursday afternoon we went to the quaint Blanford Forum, so back to the river Stour, in Dorset. When we arrived it was still really sunny and pretty warm a perfect day really, we enjoyed an ice cream before we left. It was brilliant to take in splendid riverine, waterfall and reedbed views as well as spring time sights like a field in full oilseed rape yellow there as well as on the way, blossom which this place is so good for and green trees all draped in this gorgeous sunshine. Here we saw one of the key birds of this place the Kingfisher zip along the river once more that week and brighten up the bank in its electrifying way we got some glorious views of it either a couple or the same one twice and I got some photos, one in particular the seventh in this photoset topping the ones I took in the January week off I would say. We also saw a Little Egret fishing in the shallow water which was really interesting there that day I took pictures of that too, I reflected at that point what a special week off of favourite birds of mine it was that week off with so many of them seen at various places. Other great birds we saw that day included more Mute Swans in great light that week too with some nesting on a pond beside the river, some House Sparrows appearing to be nesting in a reedbed not something I’d seen before and Mandarin Duck. It was a great walk for butterflies too with a brilliant more few male Orange Tips seen they are so beautiful to watch and I saw my first female of the season too an important moment in my spring, Peacock, Comma and mayfly made brilliant sightings too that day. I also loved seeing three flower species here that I had seen or learnt for the first time this year some snowflakes brightening up the river bank alongside daffodils, as well as more lovely cuckooflower and garlic mustard and a nice pink flower too. A special Thursday in the sun.

Friday brought another of the most anticipated trips as we went to Durlston again in Dorset for our annual April visit that we’ve been doing since 2015 apart from last year obviously, but as suggested by one of the kind people we spoke to whilst watching “Colin” the Cuckoo two days earlier we first parked up at the National Trust’s Spyway car park and visited Dancing Ledge where we hadn’t been for eight years I was so excited to do this. At the walk down and at this interesting and distinctive coastal feature we took in some simply breathtaking and sensational views especially seeing right down the coast my very favourite type of dramatic rocky coastline and type of habitat really. In pristine, brightly sunny, pretty warm and sparkly blue conditions it just looked so purely beautiful. I managed the eighth picture in this photoset of a view at Dancing Ledge with its sheer cliff coastal scenery. At Durlston we took in more sensational shining views of the special Purbeck and Jurassic coast. I loved all the shades of blue and it was great to take all this in on a very sunny and quite warm spring day. I felt a sense of peace, calm and excitement as I looked at, listened to, smelt and felt the sea one of my favourite places to be. It was nice to take in views of the big globe sculpture they have here, the other famous feature Old Harry Rocks and as we had done here before see back into Hampshire at Fawley Power station I had seen it from Durlston in 2017 on another clear day with the impending demolition it might be the last year I see this local landmark from well into the next county and the moon was out as it constantly seemed to be that week I photographed it that day too.

It was another sensational day of birds as I saw my first Whitethroats of the year at both locations, seeing the exquisite bright brown back which glowed in the sun, splendid grey head and of course creamy throat it was so great to have this bird back in the UK seen for the first time this year near Spyway but a key part of the Durlston trip these past few years. My year list ended that day on a figure I didn’t reach until May last year and only in my two highest ever year list totals 2019 and 2018 had I seen more at that stage in a year showing how massive that year list revival was. We saw a good deal of birds at Dancing Ledge as we walked down to right beside it; Guillemots and Razorbills sat and flew over so gently on the bright blue water. Rock Pipit and a bright crimson almost paint dipped Linnet made very pleasurable sightings. As we spoke at a safe social distance to a lovely gentleman in great weather once again we spoke to a few brilliant people that day we all enjoyed seeing a good few Shags with one appearing to build a nest on the cliff. A special moment with one of my B list favourite birds which I had a good year for. On the Dancing Ledge walk Skylarks performing overhead seen well and photographed at Durlston later on too the sort of runaway star of Durlston different to the usual species I might expect to see which I seem to get in a on this annual trip, Swallows skimming the field and a bright Yellowhammer seen well added to some quintessential farmland scenes which I found nice. It was great to see Blackbirds appearing to have chicks on a spring note. Also nice to see a Herring Gull down at Dancing Ledge and House Sparrow we saw so many of these on our rural trips that week a common urban bird which is always great and Jackdaw was a strong bird at both close to each other locations too. At Durlston we enjoyed taking in more stunning views where Guillemot and Razorbill were rafting and flying on and over the tranquil water again, Shag were around here too. We then caught up with the other two ocean wanderers. Fulmars which I always love seeing at this bit and it’s become a key part of the Durlston experience every year to see glided beside the cliff just like the Monday at Portland. This was so beautiful to see, and it was as though they were a boomerang being thrown from below us on the cliff and coming back as they disappeared below us. Five gigantic Gannets in a glorious group flew high over the ocean, adding to that sense of peace. I saw a few as the walk went on. A rocking Raven pair barked and darted right above us over the cliff at Durlston I took a picture of these, very special to see another star bird here when we see it an intimate moment. And we also got a cracking view of one of the true birds of the week the Rock Pipit. I also enjoyed Great Black-backed Gull, Stonechat and Robin at Durlston.

It was one of my flower days of the year seeing ones I have loved seeing here in previous years the distinctive, beautiful and natural work of art that is the early spider orchid and the stunning early purple orchid just starting to come out that day. I relished the chance to see these that day I took the ninth picture in this photoset of one at Durlston, and cowslips, speedwell, daisies, dandelions and other flowers were stars that day too especially nice to see the cowslips really turn the landscape yellow as they can do and I have happily noticed so much this year. My new macro lens that I got for my birthday in January 2020 with this trip not possible in April 2020 made its debut for these orchids which was great. Setting off home like on the way in we got a fantastic view of Corte Castle always a key point in the journey of our annual trip to Durlston, this view on the way back from the village of Corfe Castle was very beautiful it was illuminated by a smashing piece of lowering sun. It was also great to see the sun setting over the beautiful New Forest on the way back a special scene I often enjoy on the way back from Dorset trips and we did on the Monday coming back from Portland too. I managed a sunset picture just about that night when home too after a few pictures and a great few bits of garden birdwatching before we left that day. Also on the journey back I got a second mammal year tick that day after my first Field Vole of the year at Durlston I saw and photographed a Grey Squirrel as part of a group that was eating blossom there in a memorable day for mammals, as it was brilliant to spot a group of Sika Deers a strong species for the area by the A35 a very special moment with one of my favourite species there was a white one in the group which was notable too. This was one of those unexpected moments that stuck in my mind from the week as much as anything else which you often get in weeks and time off.

The next day the Saturday we returned to Martin Down after Good Friday where in more bright sunny and pretty warm conditions I hoped to sneak one of the group of next and slightly rarer butterflies into the week off and all the bright sunshine it brought. We managed that in the form of some time spent with three Grizzled Skippers it was so exciting to see this cute, intricate, pretty and rustic butterfly which can be indicative of dry and grassy habitats and spring my earliest sighting of one in a year and a beautiful Dingy Skipper another spring time gem it felt so crucial to see as I said during one of my a butterfly a day tweet threads this year you always know spring has stepped up a notch when you see the dingy. As my twelfth butterfly species of the year it saw my year list at that stage competing well with past years, the season both at home and further afield was ticking along very nicely. We also saw four other species that day; lots of Peacocks well, Brimstone and more Holly Blue and Orange tip as well as bee flies very well again, lots of bees which was lovely, a beetle and nice flowers such as cowslip and greater stitchwort again.

It was also a top day of seeing birds again I had seen well on previous days either over Easter or during the week off, as predicted by me more Whitethroats very well getting an exceptional view of one in particular a bird especially when they arrive in spring I am becoming quite in aw of and attached to the last few years especially with how good the years have been. It was also great to see Corn Bunting glowing in an exotic way in the glorious sunlight, Skylarks over the open area a lot and interestingly in a sheep field providing a brilliant sound track to the day and seen extremely well and it was great to see Linnet, Wheatear and sky wanderers Buzzard and Red Kite two of my favourite birds again. We saw Corn Buntings well on a subsequent Martin Down visit in May seeing three of them and hearing one’s charming and delightful song which was exceptional they are doing so well at Martin Down a quite rare bird which is brilliant to see. As we walked around there that day I liked taking in the gorse and blossom just like the day before at Dancing Ledge the gorse in some neat and lovely patches on the hill which I took a photo showing which was interesting there and oilseed rape that had as well as obviously the delicious green painted the landscape in spring glory. It hit me or perhaps it just came into thought what I had known all of this spectacular week off and around that time that it looked, tasted, smelt, sounded and felt so much like the dizzy days of spring and all the species were falling right into place too. This made my heart sing and I was so excited. On the way home that day we saw Mistle Thrush and Pheasant and took in a great view over the beautiful New Forest as we stopped for an ice cream which was nice with the gorse also shining here, and I saw Blackbird well there.

On the Sunday like we did on the Saturday in more stunning sunshine I enjoyed taking in sights in the garden and at home and took many pictures from home, including of blossom and an honesty flower a beautiful one which made a fantastic addition to the garden. On our last day of the week off we seized the sunny moments and went to Noar Hill with its star species the Duke of Burgundy reported there it was getting to just about time for them to come out and when there I was so happy that we did spot two of this coin sized natural pearl of wonder and beauty, with a delicious colour scheme and striking markings with one of them looking particularly pristine and fresh so maybe newly emerged and they both looked so beautiful. It was yet another stunning and phenomenal wildlife encounter to have that week, it felt so special and it was a privilege to get to see this rare and beautiful butterfly so well and spend some glorious minutes with it. I took the tenth picture in this photoset of a Duke of Burgundy at Noar Hill that day. Also that day we saw six more butterflies getting a yearly high at that stage of amount of butterflies seen in a day that day with another Dingy Skipper seen well and I got another macro picture I was proud of and we also saw Orange Tip and Holly Blue very well as well as Peacock, Comma and I also saw my first Green-veined White of the year an important common butterfly for me to see this year meaning I’d seen all of the all season common ones at that stage really. My year list momentarily nudged ahead of how many I had seen at that stage last year and levelled how many I had seen in 2019 at that stage as it continued to compete well with my past years. It was another top flower day at Noar Hill with early purple orchid, lesser celandine, cowslips, dandelions and violets standing out as well as some great bee flies seen again. Bird wise it was also lovely to see other stars of recent days on the walk such as Buzzard, Yellowhammer, Chiffchaff and Whitethroat getting some great view of them all and hear an all important first Cuckoo in Hampshire for me this year briefly. I also saw Red Kite on the way there that day and at Noar Hill some Blue Tit’s excitingly flying over made a nice sight. It was great to see again on this annual trips for us the beautiful South Downs landscape, looking very lovely and green with some great blossom and yellow bits of landscape too created by flowers and the dune type hills of Noar Hill looked great too. On the way home we took in some stunning solid yellow fields overcome by oilseed rape some top landscape photo opportunities this is something so key to this wonderful area and wonderful time of year. We didn’t plan to visit Noar Hill on the Sunday we maybe thought it was too early for the dukes but as I mentioned in my wider butterflies highlights post the changeable weather after that point did mean we had to work hard to see a few of the species so we may have struggled for Duke of Burgundy as I find them very sensitive to if the sun is out. We only decided to go thanks to finding the sightings online on the Saturday night, a magical moment of my year.

2nd-5th April 2021 was a fantastic, wild, packed and truly memorable Easter Weekend. Over four days we were able to visit three nature reserves we had really missed, seeing incredible wildlife; birds, butterflies, mammals and flowers and take in some exceptional Hampshire (and maybe bits of Dorset and Wiltshire where Martin Down was concerned on Good Friday) scenery with so much colour like blossom, buds and that delicious shade of light green I love seeing on trees in April, early spring and Easter popping up everywhere I took so many pictures some of my most ever in such a short space of time I really did take so many it was unbelievable at times I averaged nearly 50 a day produced that weekend. On the wildlife note there was also unbelievable volume in that it was days of lists of birds in particular but other wildlife seen too as long as my arm it was incredible how much I was seeing and I think that was because with restrictions allowing us to get a little further afield for walks I was seeing not only the spring species across the board but also a lot of the winter birds were still around and then there were year round birds that were around and showing bits of nesting behaviour too so there was just so much that I was captivated by seeing. The weather was so brilliant over the weekend too really perfect mostly sunny and pretty warm conditions which I was so thankful for and there was so many top moments at home and very locally too for wildlife and photography. On top of this it was a truly positive and very relaxing time for which I really enjoyed and valued with so much interaction with other people on and offline which I valued a lot too as I did on the week off.

And what a fantastic week off I had from 17th-25th April. We visited some of the best locations for wildlife and beauty in the country, doing amazing and year defining further afield day trips allowed by restrictions lifting slightly at that stage and doing some great more local walks too. We saw an incredible amount of birds with fourteen more year ticks during my great year list revival this spring with some days being packed with them and we had some phenomenal moments of nature watching with birds some of my best ever. It was amazing how many of the star species that week that I saw and/or photographed well, especially for birds, were among my favourites whenever you see your favourite of something it’s always such an enriching and thrilling moment and I got to enjoy that so much that week. All my year lists that I had at that stage grew during my week off and I got especially an incredible amount of bird year ticks during Easter and the week off I got twenty seven year ticks this April making it my highest ever amount of them I got in this month beating my previous highest in 2014 which was phenomenal and something I found so amazing with some really high calibre species seen along the way and it’s really something I am so proud of. It helped me massively to complete the catch up compared to last year and really get my year competing with my best year lists. Butterflies and flowers helped define the week off too with so many incredible species seen my years for both were ticking along so well with some new species seen and learnt where flowers are concerned as both alongside the colours of the landscape like green, yellow, white and the blue sky and sea, river and lake water made it a sensational week of spring. There were also some brilliant moments with other insects and mammals, all in the most amazing weather with that shining sun we got so lucky and it was a big part of it. This all allowed me to take so many pictures each day, producing some of my most ever over a week I think. There were also so many general moments of relaxation such as lie ins, listening to music in the car and having ice creams and tea and cake. I loved this time off. This was a week off of day trips where if things had been different we may have physically been on holiday in Pembrokeshire but with all that we did and how it felt and how I fondly looked back on the time, it was every inch the holiday.

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akechicrimes · 5 years ago

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Prompt 37? Futaba and Akechi platonic/Futago siblings?

37. “Follow me. It’s okay, just hold my hand.”

after akira leaves tokyo, futaba does just fine without her key item, except for when she doesnt.

(one of them AUs were goro survives the engine room and rejoins the phantom thieves. no i will not explain. persona 5 canon AND persona 5 royal do not interact. for reference in this universe futaba and akechi are half siblings but only akechi knows that)

“Next time you see me, I’ll be a whole new person,” Futaba tells Akira excitedly on his second-to-last day in Tokyo. “I’m going back to school, I’m out and about by myself—oh! Oh! Did I tell you I said yes to Kosei? I told Kosei I wanted to go to Shujin and they offered me scholarship! And I went to the subway station by myself yesterday!”

They’re crammed into Akira’s Leblanc attic, sitting around a cake that literally none of them were capable of baking themselves, so they’d bought the thing from a bakery and decorated it with little black and red hearts. Ryuji is passing around his gross soda, while Ann is recounting some story that doesn’t matter with incredible enthusiasm. Makoto looks like she’s determined to enjoy herself and will hear no argument.

The whole thing is incredibly morbid, if you ask Futaba. It feels less like they’re waiting for Akira to leave Tokyo and more like they’re attending Akira’s funeral. Akechi in particular looks like he’s regretting attending, which honestly tickles Futaba more than it should, that the most dishonest Phantom Thief seems to be the only one looking as honestly put-off by the entire affair as everyone else is determined not to be.

That’s everyone else’s problem. Futaba might not be happy Akira has to leave, but she’s proud. She’s sad that Akira has to leave, but also she promised Akira that by the time that he had to leave, she’d be able to get around on her own, without clinging to him for support. And she is able. She kept her promise.

Tomorrow might be the day that Akira has to go, but today is the day that Futaba is Officially Recovered.

Akira does that annoying thing he does where he puts his hand on her head and messes up all her hair, like he’s a human cat showing affection by pissing everyone off. Futaba yelps. “Look at you. You don’t need me at all.”

“I told you that I’d be ready to say goodbye by the time you had to go back to your hometown,” says Futaba. “I haven’t broken my promises yet, have I?”

There’s a burst of laughter from Haru over something Yusuke said, who looks rather surprised to discover that he said anything funny. Both Makoto and Akechi snicker at him, and then stop immediately to glare at each other the second they realize they’ve accidentally wound up sharing an opinion.

Akira ignores them. “Well, you can still text me if you need me. Or call.”

“I’m trying to tell you I’m getting better and I don’t need you,” Futaba grumbles. “Also, what kind of psychopath do you think I am to call someone on the phone?”

“That’s what phones are for.”

“Calling people is scary.”

“I thought you were getting better?” Akira teases.

“I am!” she says, pointing a finger at him. “I am! Just you watch, Akira. I’m getting better every day.”

Six months after joining Kosei, Futaba locks herself in her room and does not reemerge for seven days straight.

She tells Sojiro that she’s sick. Sojiro tells the school that Futaba told him that she’s sick. She definitely fakes a hell of a good cough, and the school lets Yusuke send her her all the homework that she was supposed to be doing in the first place, but Futaba already knows it’s only a matter of time before Sojiro rats on her, and she won’t even blame him because it’ll be for her own good.

In the meantime, she has stashes of crackers and peanut butter from back when she was a full-time hermit. She hates the taste of peanut butter within three days. Her bed is a relief, soft like a home she never left, up until it isn’t anymore. It’s too soft. No matter how she lies on it, no matter how soft it is, a mattress just isn’t comfortable when you’ve been lying on it for seventy-four hours. It’s hot. Smothering. She feels like she’s going to drown in the blankets and they’ll have to fish her moldy, sweaty corpse out of the bottomless quicksand pit of her too-soft mattress.

The thing about being a shut-in is that you don’t actually like your room very much. It’s not a relief, or an oasis, or even a place you enjoy. You’re just terrified of everywhere else more.

She plays a lot of video games that she doesn’t even like. She watches a lot of Twitch streamers she doesn’t even like. She doesn’t do her homework. She ignores Sojiro. She pretends she’s alright to everyone who texts. She wakes up and goes to sleep and thinks about going outside and goes to sleep and wakes up and wonders if the whole last year and her cautious baby steps back into the world outside was all just a hazy dream.

There aren’t a lot of Thieves left in Tokyo, weirdly. Haru and Makoto both graduated, off doing business and law junk that honestly makes Futaba’s brains want to crawl out her ears, but all the numbers check out and Haru’s not in the red yet, and Futaba’s looked at enough people’s dirty laundry to appreciate Haru’s clean ledger. Akira’s back in his dinky hicktown, where there’s barely anything electronic connected to Wifi worth breaking into for surveillance, which is really boring.

Ann’s been doing so many modeling gigs that she might as well not be attending Shujin anymore. She’s practically surrounded by electronics, and all of them are connected to the internet. On any given day, Futaba can snoop through the internet trail of electronic file cabinets full of images of her face, emails about her face, paychecks for her face. Futaba sends Ann more than one email about creepy old dudes making gross comments about her, along with a bunch of other illegal shit they’ve done, plus their offshore accounts full of cash if Ann wants Futaba to sic a lawyer on them.

Ann looks like she’s having fun. Ann looks different on the other side of the computer screen, like she’s less real. Like she’s not someone Futaba really knows. Like Ann’s not someone Futaba’s literally cried on at one point in her life.

Ryuji is definitely attending Shujin, but between physical therapy, catching up on a whole year of track, athletic scholarship hunting, and studying for college admissions tests, Ryuji seems to have been swallowed whole by Shujin, really. Out of boredom, one day, Futaba went down that rabbit hole of researching what it takes to get recruited for track in college, and holy shit–apparently Ryuji’s coach was supposed to be helping him with that whole process, but of course Ryuji barely has a proper coach ever since Kamoshida left Shujin’s track program in pieces. The amount of networking he’s doing is insane, especially for one teenaged boy who barely remembers his homework every night.

Sometimes, when Ryuji’s forgotten to check his email in a while and there’s a message from a coach sitting in his inbox, Futaba will send him a text to make him check it. And then it’s all, What were you doing looking at my emails, Futaba and Which of my other passwords do you know, Futaba, as if Ryuji doesn’t just use the same password over and over and has literally nobody but himself to blame.

So it’s really just Futaba, Yusuke, and–weirdly–Akechi, who’s off doing his gap year and said he was going to go abroad, but then he never did. Not to be a huge snoop, but Futaba went digging through his junk for about five seconds and then she never did it again, because she felt really weird about finding out that the guy that killed her mom is looking into social work, volunteerism, and reforming the justice system.

Like. The man who killed the Thieves’ leader is now literally out there saving orphans. It’s wild.

She might’ve been the one to tell Akechi that he can start over again and do better, but she reserves the right to at least feel weird about it.

She does not call Akira. She talks to Yusuke at school, but she refuses to ask him to accompany her on the subway. She should be recovered by now, shouldn’t she? She was supposed to have gotten over all that when Akira left Tokyo. She’s doing fine. She’s just looking out for her friends. Her, living vicariously through her friends, who’re growing up and growing away, flourishing into young adults? Never.

Everything is the same.

Didn’t she help kill a god last year?

Didn’t she work so hard to get out of her room, to make friends, to reconnect with Kana-chan?

Didn’t she work so hard to change herself?

Didn’t she help change the world?

Everything is the same.

Tuesday, 1:43 PM

YUSUKE: Futaba?

FUTABA: yo inari

FUTABA: u got more homework for me or what

YUSUKE: Ah, no.

YUSUKE: I think your teacher finds it suspicious that I’m sending you homework when I’m not in your grade, as it is.

FUTABA: oh no

FUTABA: what a shame that we didn’t have an entire year of experience with getting away with wildly illegal magic brain crimes without raising any suspicion

FUTABA: truly emailing me like four pieces of paper a day is far too difficult

YUSUKE: Well, I can’t get your homework from your teacher, but I can give you more homework if you’d like.

FUTABA: ok bucko that wasn’t a challenge

YUSUKE: There’s a math problem set that’s been incredibly dull to get through when I have more important pieces I could be working on…

FUTABA: inari im sorry to say but

FUTABA: me literally doing your homework for you is about a thousand times more illegal than you giving me my homework when ur not in my grade

YUSUKE: Oh, is it?

FUTABA: wh

FUTABA: are y

FUTABA: what do you mean OH IS IT

FUTABA: did you not KNOW ur not allowed to have other ppl do ur hw????

FUTABA: inari have u been making other people do ur hw for u so u can have more time to do art?????????

FUTABA: no shut up i dont want to know

FUTABA: i will not be ur accomplice

FUTABA: i see ur little speech bubble thingamajig yusuke i said stop typing forever and ever

YUSUKE: I can’t invite you to the art gallery tomorrow if I can’t type.

YUSUKE: It also seems impractical for you to outlaw me from texting forever.

FUTABA: i literally did not say that

YUSUKE: You said, and I quote,

YUSUKE: “Yusuke, I said stop typing forever and ever.”

FUTABA: ok i know it looks like i said that but please im begging u it’s literally just an exaggeration

YUSUKE: As Makoto would say, it’s hardly an enforceable law.

FUTABA: u literally texted my sick and crusty ass just to give me a hard time

YUSUKE: Are you about recovered from your cold?

FUTABA: and now u have the nerve to ask me to go to ur art show thing

YUSUKE: I didn’t say that.

FUTABA: oh really

FUTABA: what were u gonna ask me about then

YUSUKE: The art show, naturally.

YUSUKE: But you could have done me the courtesy of letting me ask.

FUTABA: all that on the day of my daughter’s wedding and now u want me to do u a solid

FUTABA: well i have news for u

FUTABA: the answer

FUTABA: is yeah

FUTABA: sure why not

YUSUKE: Oh, excellent.

YUSUKE: I thought that you might decline on account of your illness.

FUTABA: i’m not a punk bitch

FUTABA: i’m going

FUTABA: u were only working all those paintings for like two months i wanna see their oily faces in person

YUSUKE: Just because they were made with oil paints does not mean that they are oily.

FUTABA: cant wait to see my oily boys

YUSUKE: Unfortunately, I have to set up the event beforehand, so I will not be able to accompany you on the way here.

YUSUKE: Will you be alright by yourself?

FUTABA: uh

FUTABA: hmm

FUTABA: how oily are these boys in case i need to call a rain check

YUSUKE: Hmm.

YUSUKE: Perhaps someone else can go with you.

YUSUKE: Let me see if I can find someone.

FUTABA: what like one of ur art friends

FUTABA: i’m not going with anyone i dont know sry

YUSUKE: I’ll keep it in mind.

Tuesday, 1:59 PM

YUSUKE: Unfortunately, Ann and Ryuji were not available. Both of them will be coming late to the art show.

YUSUKE: Fortunately, Goro is.

FUTABA: whomst

YUSUKE: Goro Akechi?

YUSUKE: Crow, in case you know multiple Goro Akechis.

FUTABA: no like why u callin him goro

YUSUKE: I asked him if I could and he said yes.

YUSUKE: There’s not many people left in Tokyo who were part of the Thieves.

YUSUKE: I’m not exactly popular at school myself, so I thought it prudent to hold onto the connections I already had.

FUTABA: hhhhhhhhhhhhh

FUTABA: but why him……………………………………….

YUSUKE: Has he done something wrong?

YUSUKE: Well.

YUSUKE: Besides the obvious.

YUSUKE: Last I heard, you were quite vocally supportive of Goro making a change for the better,but have you prehaps reconsidered?

FUTABA: i mean he’s always been nice to me

FUTABA: like even before he was on the team as crow

FUTABA: and then later after he like lost his shit and tried to kill us

FUTABA: he was also like weirdly nice

FUTABA: even if he was dressed as a tokusatsu villain

FUTABA: but

FUTABA: i

FUTABA: ok this is gonna sound really weird but like

FUTABA: you know how i said that the person to take me to the art show has to be someone that i know

YUSUKE: Yes.

FUTABA: even though akechi was one of the thieves at the end

FUTABA: i feel like i dont really know him

FUTABA: he like had that whole breakdown where he spilled all his kylo ren sadstuck junk and then he peeled his dumb ass up off the floor and then we beat up his dad in a dark alley

FUTABA: and then i guess akira likes him a bunch and hangs out with him and i guess probably talked to him about all that stuff that happened

FUTABA: and also i think ann talks to him

FUTABA: and also haru i think for some reason……………………..

FUTABA: but like i feel like. we as a group. never really uhhhhhhh

FUTABA: got to know him very well i guess

FUTABA: because he spent like the whole year being a fake ass bitch

FUTABA: and then by the time he wasnt, the thieves were busy literally fighting god, and it was all business business business

FUTABA: ughghfhg i guess this is just a really long way of saying that like yeah ok i guess i do know him but i dont think i really do

FUTABA: even when he was off the shits in the engine room it was like

FUTABA: somehow that was not……………………………….. really him

FUTABA: idk maybe this is just my Thoughts but like

FUTABA: idk some people are like “your true self is who you are at your worst” and

FUTABA: yeah maybe you are some PART of urself when youre at your worst but like

FUTABA: also not???

FUTABA: that can’t be it

FUTABA: that’s not ALL of you

FUTABA: so all i ever saw was him when he was being a fake ass barbie prince and then when he was like actively losing his shit

FUTABA: and both of those were like. two types of fake ass barbie prince

FUTABA: except obviously the one where he started screamin about murder and trying to kill joker was like, fake ass serial killer barbie prince

FUTABA: anyway i dont buy it for a second that seeing akechi at his worst means that i know the first thing about his “”“”“”“”“true self”“”“”“”“”“”“

FUTABA: like i know that i technically met him but also at the same time i dont think ive ever really actually met this dude

FUTABA: uh tldr what’s the truth crowboy

FUTABA: second tldr do you got anyone else i can go to the art show with because im not unpackin all that junk in the trunk while also trying to fend off a panic attack in the subway

YUSUKE: Well, to speak to "what’s the truth, crowboy,” I’d say he’s actually really funny.

FUTABA: WHAT

YUSUKE: Yes, actually.

FUTABA: YOU TRYNA TELL ME YOU SHARE A SENSE OF HUMOR W AKECHI

YUSUKE: As everyone knows, I don’t have a sense of humor.

YUSUKE: But if I did, that might not be inaccurate to say.

YUSUKE: Either way, we could ask Boss if he’ll take you to school.

FUTABA: no

FUTABA: im not makin him shut down leblanc for the day just cause i cant get my shit together

FUTABA: and i go to school by myself all the time now i dont need to be walked there by my dad like a four yr old

FUTABA: r u sure u dont have anyone else who can take me

YUSUKE: You said it had to be someone you know.

YUSUKE: I can take you.

YUSUKE: But I’ll be getting to Kosei early to prepare.

FUTABA: how early is early

YUSUKE: Four in the morning.

FUTABA: PLEASE INARI

YUSUKE: The people you know is a quite limited pool, Futaba.

FUTABA: shut the hell ur face i dont need u tellin me to make kosei friends too

FUTABA: i get my butt to school every day i’m already a hero

FUTABA: ok alright

FUTABA: crow-san it is

FUTABA: hhh

FUTABA: no shut up stop typing i’m fine

FUTABA: i already saw his dumb ass get inflicted with Horny from Yaldy God Himself i ain’t afraid of no crows

FUTABA: actually now that i remember that that was pretty funny mwehehehehehehe

FUTABA: OKAY send me the who what when where why

YUSUKE: There’s a PDF flier. I’ll send it to you.

YUSUKE: But I will have to type the email to send it to you.

FUTABA: oh my GOD inari

FUTABA: i swear to god ur not actually this dense and youre just pretending u dont know what an exaggeration is just to drive me up the wall

YUSUKE: Oh, that is a possibility, isn’t it?

FUTABA: WH

YUSUKE: Ah, last period is starting. I’ll have to talk to you later.

FUTABA: WHAT

FUTABA: NO WAIT

FUTABA: HELLO????

FUTABA: YUSUKE NO COME BACK

Tuesday, 2:53 PM

FUTABA: YUSUKE HAVE YOU BEEN MAKING AKECHI DO UR HW FOR U SO YOU CAN DO MORE ART??

FUTABA: IS THAT WHY UR ON A FIRST NAME BASIS W HIM

FUTABA: ANSWER ME STRINGBEAN

In Futaba’s opinion, there’s an infinite amount of more embarrassing reasons to pull yourself out of your depression pit than “I needed to yell at my friend for being a snotty bastard,“ and there’s worse escorts to have than the weird guy who went from being a professional murderer to their weird awkward friend. Firstly, if there’s anything that can motivate Futaba Sakura, it’s the primal urge to dunk on her friends for spite and memes. Secondly, there’s no chance in hell Futaba’s going to have a breakdown in front of Akechi.

She can do this. She got herself out of this grave once; she can do it again. Even if Akira isn’t here. She’s getting better. She promised him.

On the eighth day of her almost-return to hermithood, Akechi texts her:

AKECHI: I’m here.

AKECHI: Are you ready to go?

Futaba is wearing only an old shirt, no bra, sweats, and vaguely greasy hair from all the showers she’s skipped.

FUTABA: i’m SO ready

FUTABA: the readiest

FUTABA: ultra mega super ready

FUTABA: featherman ranger code name Ready

AKECHI: Oh.

AKECHI: Alright.

Hell yes alright. Time for Futaba to save her own life from her gravesite of a room.

With… Goro Akechi. Wow, life is weird, huh?

She drags on her Kosei uniform like a skin discarded long ago. It feels stiff. Maybe because it feels wrong to wear school clothes like a functioning human; maybe because she just hasn’t washed it in a week. The very idea of explaining herself to Sojiro stresses her out, so she doesn’t do it. The idea of not explaining herself to Sojiro, when he deserves an explanation and also would probably have a heart attack if he realized that she’d disappeared from her room without his knowing, also stresses her out, so she still doesn’t explain herself to Sojiro.

I told Akira I’m better now. I can do this. I did this for more than six months. I was out of my room in the real world, I went to the school festival, I changed my own heart…

She creeps down the stairs like a thief in her own house and pokes her head out the door. Goro Akechi is fiddling with his phone in the sun outside her house, looking like he, too, has only just managed to pull on his Human Suit and look like a guy who didn’t make shadows beg for mercy for fun, so it looks like this whole expedition is going to be a lot of fun.

"Futaba-chan?” says Akechi, only just noticing her lurking in her own doorway. “It’s been a while since we last saw each other. How are you?”

Futaba opens her mouth. No noise comes out.

Akechi’s eyebrows slowly begin to knit together.

“I’m good,” she says squeakily. Clears her throat. Holy shit, she’s not afraid of Akechi after all that junk they went through in the Metaverse. She saw him as a rat. She saw him visibly want to break his father’s face when Shido tried to apologize to him on live TV. Once, Makoto and Akechi got into an unironic, passionate, hour-long argument about whether or not it’s beneficial to color code your notes.

“I’m alright!” Futaba announces louder, maybe a little loudly, considering the way he looks only more concerned. “L-Let’s hurry up and get this sidequest over with!”

She pulls her hoodie over her head and jams her hands into the pockets and makes herself as small as possible and inches out of the doorway. “If you… say so,” says Akechi, and eventually matches her incredibly slow pace as she shuffles her way towards the main street.

When the noise of Yongen-Jaya’s street hits her, her heart rate (already high as hell) spikes even higher like the first day she’d come out of her room, but the old coping mechanisms come back like second nature: Breathe slower, avoid eye contact, remember her mission, stick to the sides of the streets. Breathe slower. She’s still got it. It’s still hard, but she’s got a whole arsenal of ways to deal. She can do this. She will kick Yusuke’s ass for being a dick, if only out of sheer spite.

If Akira were here, I could hide behind him and…

No, shut up, shut up. All she has is her hoodie and Goro Akechi. Akira’s not here. She can do this by herself.

Akechi makes precisely two attempts at small talk (“How has Kosei been?” “Have you seen the pieces Yusuke submitted to the art show before?”) before he realizes that Futaba isn’t going to respond by virtue of barely holding onto her shit by her fingernails. He shuts up and sticks close by. Futaba makes her way down the streets towards the subway like walking on a tightrope. The subway station isn’t busy, but she puts every step in front of her like she’s going to fall. Getting on the subway might as well be a highwire. Futaba and Akechi wait for the train in mutual silence to the sound of other commuters murmuring amongst themselves, like a toothless echo of Mementos’s depths.

When they get on the train, people around her are quiet, thank god, but all of a sudden she’s convinced that she smells because she hasn’t taken a shower in literal days, and she tries to pack herself into her seat as tightly as possible. The guy in front of her is scrolling through something at a ferocious pace and his thumbnail keeps hitting the screen with this incessant clack, clack, clack noise. The subway voice announces their next station as the doors begin to close, and a girl suddenly sits bolt upright, having realized that this is her station after all, and bangs Futaba’s knees hard as she passes. Futaba wants to curl her legs to her chest, but she’s wearing Kosei’s uniform skirt and it’d just make everyone stare at her if she did that on the subway. She curls her fingers into the skirt hem. She stares down at her knees and lets her hair drape around her like a curtain. She can do this. She can do this. Breathe slower. Even slower. I did this for more than six months, I told Akira I’m better now, I changed my own heart…

Akechi pulls out his phone. Futaba’s phone buzzes.

AKECHI: Are you alright?

FUTABA: i said i was ready dude

Akechi types and retypes an answer, which technically Futaba could just look over his arm and read, but instead Futaba flips through apps on her phone and pulls up a shitty mobile dungeon crawler. She dies four times before Akechi puts his phone away without sending anything.

They pass multiple stations like that. Futaba sure as hell hopes that Akechi’s watching which station they’re on, because she isn’t. After the millionth time she dies, Futaba just closes the app altogether. Concentration’s shot. Can’t focus on anything. Heartbeat’s too loud. Breathing’s too loud. The guy next to her is breathing too loud. Everything is too loud.

New text:

AKECHI: Yusuke said you’d recovered from your cold, but you still look a little unwell.

Futaba doesn’t respond to that. She doesn’t need Negative Nancy over here telling her she’s gonna crack. Because she isn’t gonna. The subway starts to slow, and the voice announces the station for Yusuke’s school. She’s literally almost there, she’s right there, she might die in three seconds because her heart is going to pound of her chest but at least she’s going to make it, she promised Akira that she was alright—

The subway doors open. Passengers stand to get off. Akechi stands up. Futaba drops like a rock.

“I can’t,” Futaba’s voice says. She sounds like she’s crying. “I can’t, I can’t do it, I—”

“Futaba—”

“I’m can’t do it, I—”

She buries her face in her knees on the dirty subway floor. Oh, she really is crying. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t…”

Around her, people’s feet stop moving. They’re staring at her. She’s crying on the subway and everyone is staring at her. “Shh,” says Akechi, like Futaba doesn’t know she’s being a loud and irritating pest, but then he takes off his winter coat and covers her with it. Suddenly everything goes dark. It’s a huge coat, too; it wraps around her whole torso with enough room to spare to cover her entire head. Inside, it’s like she’s back in her room, only listening to the sounds of real life somewhere on the other side of a computer monitor, where it can’t hurt her. It’s so surprising she hiccups to a stop. Two hands pull her up by the shoulders and guide her to stand. “Up. Let’s go.”

“Is she okay?” says a voice.

Futaba’s entire body seizes with fear. She ducks into her own knees, trying to disappear.

“Hey, little girl, are you alright?”

“She’ll be fine,” says Akechi’s friendly, super fake ass barbie prince voice. “My sister just had a hard day. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“A hard day?” Now the stranger’s voice is accusatory.

“For your information, our dog was recently brutally run over in front of her eyes.”

“Young man, are you serious right now?”

“Oh, yes. There was blood everywhere. Its intestines squelched horribly under the tires less than six feet away from her,” Akechi goes on. Futaba chokes, and then hiccups in what she realizes is almost a laugh. “Please excuse her. Thank you.” And before the literal complete stranger can follow up on that awful statement, Akechi takes her hand and pulls her up.

Futaba stumbles to her feet. If she has to take the coat off right now, she will actually die.

“It’s okay. Just hold my hand and follow me.”

Blindly, she lets him lead her out of the subway, weaving through people with only minimal contact with other people’s shoulders. There’s a whole awkward period where Akechi has to walk her up the stairs out of the subway station while she can’t see anything, but eventually the noise and bustle of other people around her seems to die away, and the air grows cooler in the way it does in the shadows between city buildings. Then they stop walking altogether. When Akechi lets go of her hand, she almost tries to grab it back before she catches herself.

“Okay. There’s nobody else around, now. It’s safe.”

Futaba doesn’t come out of the jacket. In the dark, her eyes dart back and forth, trying to see even as she blinds herself.

“Sorry for grabbing you so suddenly like that,” Akechi’s voice goes on after it becomes obvious she’s not going to come out.

Futaba wipes snottily at her own face. Oh, this is so gross, she’s got snot and tears on top of five days worth of grime and body juice because she hadn’t taken a shower. She’s disgusting. She really actually wants to die right now. She can’t show her face like this.

“Er,” says Akechi. “Do you want…. water, or…?”

Futaba folds up right there on the city pavement, probably dragging Akechi’s nice coat all over a dirty alleyway. She tucks her face into her knees, where she feels safest, and pulls the coat flaps even tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“I’m sorry for not being okay,” she mumbles.

There’s a short silence. “You really don’t have to be.”

“I do,” Futaba says. She feels like she’s nine years old again, a petulant kid who needs to hold people’s hands and be escorted around Tokyo. “This is—it’s stupid, and I can’t believe I-I’m still doing this, a-and even a-after everything that h-happened last year, I’m still just a… I’m still…”

“It’s fine,” says Akechi. Even he sounds overwhelmed, and at the first sound of weakness, she pulls the coat off her head and glares at him furiously, red-faced and covered in tears and snot and gross depression juice crust and all.

“I’m not supposed to be this way anymore!” she says miserably. “I’m supposed to be better! Moved on! Doing literally a-anything else but crying over t-taking a subway! It’s stupid and nobody else is like this and I just want to be over this already and I just want to be better already and—!“

She covers her face with her hands again. God, even when she says that, it sounds pathetic.

After a moment or two, she hears Akechi moving again. She peeks at him. He’s crouching in almost the exact same pose as her, looking like he’s resigning himself to neither getting his coat back, nor moving from this spot any time soon, nor getting to Yusuke’s art show on time, but also looking archly and entirely unperturbed about it. Actually, it looks like he’s writing a work email on his phone.

Futaba was right about being in an alleyway, but it’s so cold because they’re shielded by a trio of vending machines selling canned coffee and wrapped sandwiches. "Our dog was recently run over?” she says.

“People can mind their own damn business,” says Akechi in his Pleasant Boy Voice, without looking up from his email.

“He was just trying to help.”

“Oh, yes, let’s help the crying girl by crowding her and suffocating her in a crush of public transit.”

Futaba snorts. “That was really mean of you.”

“Oh, absolutely,” says Akechi.

Futaba sucks a truly disgusting gob of snot into her nose. “Ugh. I wish I could’ve seen the guy’s face when you told him that.”

“It was like I’d spat on his shoes. I should’ve kept going. Or had a camera.”

“Futaba giggles wetly into her forearms. "Like one of those—those prank videos online… Get Yusuke to film it.”

“Yusuke, as the cameraman? I’m not trying to make a documentary.” Akechi flips to a different screen on his phone. “I already texted Yusuke about our poor dead dog, by the way, so don’t worry about it.”

Suddenly Futaba feels like literal garbage again. “Why are you always so nice to me?” she mumbles.

Akechi makes a weird face, like he’s trying to do his old Pleasant Boy shtick while having swallowed a lemon whole. “You say that like me being nice is somehow unusual.”

“Uh, yeah. Because it is. You literally were just being a huge asshole to a guy you’d never met over a fictional dog.”

Akechi has this increasingly disgruntled look on his face like he kind of wants to punt Futaba down some stairs, which, frankly, is the best sort of reward, in Futaba’s opinion. “I’m working on it,” he says grumpily.

“How’s that been?” says Futaba.

“Which part?”

Futaba has one whole moment of self reflection on this idea as maybe not a good course of action before she barrels on anyway: “The part where you’re turning your life around. Starting over. Trying again.”

“It sucks dick,” says Akechi.

“Oh, right on,” says Futaba, and then before she can stop herself: “Wait, I thought you liked dick?”

Akechi makes a noise like a strangled cat.

Futaba cackles. “Dude, incognito mode when you’re browsing for porn does not save you from people like me.”

“Have you been spying on me?”

“Uh, yes? Obviously?”

“You know you could get arrested for that sort of breach in privacy.”

“Oh, boo hoo, so sorry I know all about your weird orphan-saving night job and your smutty Featherman doujinshi collection. You’re not gonna narc on me.” Futaba stops. “Are you?”

“Stop looking at my internet history.”

“No. You better not narc on me.”

“Then stop looking at my internet history.”

“You had to google how to change a SIM card last week, crow-boy; you couldn’t stop me if you tried.”

“I will narc on you.”

“No you won’t. You’re the one trying to not be an asshole.”

Akechi makes a face like a cat being slowly submerged in cold water. Futaba laughs in his face.

“If you’re quite done,” says Akechi grouchily.

“No, never. You’re made for being made fun of,” says Futaba. “I’m gonna be making fun of you for years and years, crow-boy; you’re never going to get rid of me.”

“Great.”

“Gonna be creeping on your weird orphan-saving night job until the day you die.”

“Wonderful,” says Akechi without inflection whatsoever.

“Mwehehehehehehehehehe.”

“If you’re quite done.”

“I will take a well-deserved break from my endless duty to troll you both on and offline,” says Futaba. “Because I really really really wanna go to the art show.”

Akechi has the nerve to look relieved that he no longer has to squat in a dirty alleyway listening to a high school freshman bully him. “Then let’s go.”

Futaba hugs her knees tight. “But I wanna keep your coat.”

“Aren’t you wearing your own coat?” says Akechi, trying to look like he isn’t shivering. “Aren’t you getting hot?”

“I’m keeping it.”

“It’s my coat.”

“I’m keeping it.”

“Fine, then. Keep it. It’s dry clean only.”

“Oh, ew. No, take it back, gross, gross,” and Futaba peels the snotty, tear-stained, dirty winter coat off and dumps it back in Akechi’s arms, who looks at it with the expression of someone long-suffering and without hope of escape.

“And,” says Futaba, “I wanna see it if you tell anyone else that our dog got run over.”

Akechi smirks. “You’ll have to film it, then.”

“Oh my god, like I wouldn’t.”

Futaba scrubs her face one last time. She still feels like she’s covered in a grimy layer of slime, but maybe she can wash her face at Kosei. When she gets there. Because she’s gonna get there.

“Uh, one more thing,” says Futaba.

“Not like you’ve bullied me into doing literally everything else you’ve wanted,” says Akechi.

“You can’t laugh at me.”

“Good thing I don’t have a sense of humor,” says Akechi, which horrifyingly confirms to Futaba that Akechi and Yusuke, of all people, really do share a sense of humor.

Futaba hesitates. “Please, um… please don’t tell Akira about this.”

“Why would I tell Akira?“

"Nice. Good answer.” She smooths her hair down, trying to make herself presentable, or just have something to do with her hands. “I… told him I was gonna be okay without him and all that, so… I don’t wanna let him down, you know?”

Slowly, almost shyly, Akechi smiles. “Oh, yes. I know.”

“Our secret. Secret-keepers.”

“Secret-keepers. Are you ready?”

Futaba takes another deep breath. Pushes herself up, brushes herself off, and sighs. “Absolutely not. This is gonna suck so much dick,” says Futaba. “Let’s go anyway.”

#mine #slams hands on table FUTAGO SIBLINGS #futaba's dubious mental health cw #Anonymous

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years ago

Text

Sanctuary -Chapter 42

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @thunderintheshadows, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @valkyrie-of-the-light

Despite the suffocating humidity and sweltering heat, it's a relief to get out of the hotel. She'd spent the last three days confined within the four walls of their room, trying desperately to keep her mind off of not only what happened at McMann's house, but the terrifying consequences that followed. Plagued by incessant worry about the safety and well being of the kids, waiting on pins and needless for the random and all to brief updates that Ovi would send throughout the day. And now the torturous minutes and hours before the IRA would get back to them with their decision. The fates of the McMann kids...and their own...in the hands of the very kind of people that Tyler went into battle against while on the job. It's a nauseating turn of events; having to put all of your faith and hope into individuals known world wide for the brutal acts. To trust them to save lives instead of ending them.

Tanis sticks tight to her side. It was the one and only stipulation that she'd had to agree to for a short couple hours of freedom; the other woman could not leave her side, and under no circumstances was she to wander off on her own. Not even if it was only a couple feet away. There was no telling who was a threat now; with McMann and the Buckmans working together, their reach is incredibly long and they have endless resources and people at their disposal. If she wanted to get outside and attempt to function as a 'normal' member of society, she had to have protection at all times. Tanis is pleasant enough; talkative, articulate, educated on a wide variety of subjects that helps keep conversation lively and fresh. Tall and athletically built; broad shoulders and fit, well toned muscles, her blond hair cropped short to her head in a stylish and modern pixie, dazzling green eyes that are constantly taking in the people and the action around them. She doesn't carry herself with an unabashed cockiness that most Marines do; her posture is loose instead of rigid, she smiles often, she doesn't puff out of her chest in an attempt to intimate anyone that so as much looks in their direction. To the untrained eyed, they'd appear as if they were just two friends out for a day on the town; chatting and laughing, bags of shopping on their arms. But Esme knew the truth. Which the woman is really there. And she knows that there's gun tucked into a holster on Tanis' right hip, hidden under the baggy white t-shirt she sports. This is a job. Nothing more, nothing less. Once it's over, they'll each go back to their separate lives. It's the way things have to be; you don't fraternize with the client. All ties cut the moment the job is finished and money has exchanged hands. It's easier that way. No bonds formed, no feelings hurt.

Ovi is an exception to the rule. He'd needed further protection; he wasn't safe in Mumbai, not with his father in prison, Saju dead, and Asif's associates looking for payback. And most importantly, he'd needed a chance at a real life. He'd needed to know what it was like to part of a family. To have people that respect and love him. For far too long he'd gone through life being treated like a thing instead of a person, and it had been a difficult adjustment for him. Going from having 'handlers' and paid help to having parent figures and siblings. It had been a struggle for him to adapt; their rules were incredibly lax compared to those that had been placed upon him in Mumbai, but they were still things that were expected of him. And he'd struggled to go from the rigidly strict to the rather relaxed and casual. It wasn't just a chance of scenery, but an entirely different change of pace and a way of life. No private schools, no chauffeurs taking him place to place. He had set curfew but was allowed to have friends; he could go to the mall, take in a movie, hang out a park. He no longer had people hovering over him and dictating his every move. And as much as he'd hated that life...his old life, it had still been hard to not be controlled in such fashion.

It had been good to talk to him that morning. He'd sounded tired, but he was happy. Secured in his ability to keep himself, Chloe and the kids safe. There was no evidence of fear or uncertainty in his voice. The trust that Tyler had placed him had been an enormous ego boost; he was confident, resolved, with no worries about who may be following them or may try to get to the kids. He would handle it. Those were his exact words. Whatever...whoever...came their way, he wasn't the least bit afraid. A stark change from the slightly immature and self conscious kid that they'd left behind almost two weeks ago. And it was the first time since Tyler had told her that he'd put Ovi in charge of their kids that she'd felt truly confident in his decision.

“Forgive me for asking this,” Tanis says, as they wander through the main shopping district; sipping smoothies and chatting like old friends. “And I hope I don't come off to personal or sounding rude.”

“I live with five males, I have been asked an obscene amount of personal questions and pretty much heard every possible rude comment under the sun in the past five and a half years,” Esme grins. “I have two four year old's that are obsessed with fart jokes and think the word 'ass' is the funniest thing they've ever heard. Do you know what that's like? That much 'boy' in one house? I mean, my husband has enough testosterone for half the planet, I swear. Never mind adding in his three mini me's and a teenage boy.”

Tanis laughs. “My parents had all girls. I'm the last of five. I thought that was hell to grow up in.”

“Oh don't get me wrong, I would take five girls over one boy any day. My girl has been a walk in the park compared to raising boys. I mean, she's full of attitude and piss and vinegar, but she's been so easy. She picked up everything so quick and she's been always so eager to learn new things. And she's obsessed with cleanliness and tidiness. But the boys? Oh my god. How do they get pee everywhere? Are they not paying attention? Are they waving it around like firehouse? How does it get on the floor, the baseboards and the wall but none in the actual toilet? Ughhh...” she shudders. “...that's why I won't clean the bathrooms anymore. That's a man's job. So gross.”

“Sounds like there's never a dull moment at your place,” Tanis grins.

“It's a zoo. I'm not even joking. It's mess and it's noise and it's utter chaos. But at the same time, it's awesome. It's our mess and our noise and our chaos. You get used to it. And you miss it when it's gone. This last week and a half has been hell. Not being under the same roof as them. Not being able to hug them and kiss them and tuck them in at night. I complain about the craziness, but I miss it. As weird as that sounds.”

“That doesn't sound weird to me. That sounds pretty normal, actually. This will all be over. This whole nightmare. And we'll get you back home. Where you belong.”

Esme gives a smile of appreciation. The words have a nice sentiment behind them, but there's still so much that has be done. So much risk involved. And she tries to push those thoughts out of her mind. Not wanting to think about what could go wrong, but what will go right. “What did you want to ask me?” she inquires, as she sips at the smoothie in her hand. It's about all she can stomach. If that. Nothing has been staying down despite the anti nausea (and baby safe) medication a local pharmacist had recommended her. It's always been bad; fatigue and all day sickness (never mind just the morning), but it's never been this bad.

“How the hell did you ever wind up with Mark? Because he's a bit of a...”

“Douche canoe?”

“Well I was going to say prick, but douche canoe works too. I mean, he's my boss and I have to respect while on the clock and in his presence, but what the fuck is his issue? He's a total ass wipe.”

“And this is him being friendly and diplomatic if you can believe that. This is his good and charming side. Wait until you get to meet the rest of him. It's a real treat. To say the least.”

“How did you ever end up with him? You seem so...I don't know...normal...”

Esme laughs. “Don't ever let Tyler hear you say. He can tell you that I am far from normal.”

“Mark is just so...Mark...and you're just so...you. You're just both so different from one another. He treats everyone like shit and you seem so welcoming and friendly with people. I find it hard to believe that someone like you would even get mixed up with such a complete and utter tool.”

“He talked a good game when I first met him. I hadn't been in the Corps for very long. I didn't have much life experience under my belt. And suddenly this older guy showing interest in me. He was mature, charming, he had a very authoritative way about him that was strangely appealing. He was my commanding officer, so there was that whole rush you get when you know you're going against the rules and there will be hell to pay if you get caught. I was young. Inexperienced. And stupid. So very, very stupid.”

“Is it true he let a stewardess give him a blow job in the plane bathroom on the way back from your honeymoon?”

“Sadly, yes. That's one hundred percent true. I should have just dumped his ass when that happened. Got the marriage annulled. But he swore he'd never do anything like that again and it was just a 'one off' and he got all that kind of behaviour out of his system. So I believed him. Stupid little naive girl that I was.”

“So it got worse instead of better?”

'Not right away. It got better. And it stayed that way for about eight months and then he just went off the deep end. He'd gotten back from Iraq and was having a hard time with some of the things he saw and heard over there. Which, don't get me wrong. I get. That shit fucks with your head. There's even things now that still bother me. Images and sounds and smells that come back out of nowhere. But he went right off the reservation. It's like something inside him snapped and he couldn't hold back his true self any longer. I should have left right away...the first time he ever hit me...but...” she shrugs.

“People think it's so easy. That it's as simple as just packing your things and walking out. That it's not. Nothing is ever that simple.”

“You've been through it too?”

Tanis nods. “My ex husband was the exact same. He was a narcissist. And a sociopath. A violent one. I stayed for three years. I lost everything because of him. My friends, my family. They didn't understand why I didn't just walk away. I tried explaining to them that it wasn't that easy, but they didn't get it.”

“People don't if they haven't lived through it themselves,” Esme reasons. “I used to be one of those people. Who used to judge the women for not leaving. Then I became one of those women. It woke me the hell up right quick, let me tell you. I put up with his shit for two and a half years. And in a way, I'm still putting up with that. That crap never leaves you. It stays in the back of your mind. All the horrible things they've said. All the times they've told you that weren't good enough or that no one could ever possibly love you because of how messed up you are, or that someone could never love you the way they do. You think you've gotten over it, but you haven't. It's always there.”

“And then when you do meet someone and are happy, all those come out and work against you. And you listen to them. And you believe them.”

“Exactly. It's a vicious circle. It's a horrible existence. And it takes someone really strong and really patient to help you deal with all of that.”

“You found that though,” Tanis smile. “Someone like that. You're one of the lucky ones.”

“I have put that man through hell. Or my brain has, I should say. I have snapped and said some horrible, horrible shit to him. I think about some of the things I've said to him and I want to crawl into a hole and die. Tyler has his issues, don't get me wrong. He is far from perfect. But he sure as hell doesn't deserve the things I've said to him. But he sticks around. Shockingly.”

“Because he knows that's not you saying the things you say. He knows it's what you've been through. And he loves you. Anyone can see that. It really burns Mark's ass you know,” Tanis chuckles. “Seeing the two of you together. The one the two of you look at one another. He can not handle it.”

“That's because he's such a miserable fuck, he expects everyone else to be too. Can you believe my own mother stayed friends with him? Knowing what he'd put me through? How messed up is that? She loves Mark but hates Tyler because he's the one took me away from my home and forced me stay in Australia and blah blah blah. That is her sole reasoning for not liking him. Yet Mark is a total sleaze ball who gets off on hitting women and she loves him. “

“She sounds just as messed up as Mark.”

“You think? She's a real piece of work. And now Nik is hooked with him? Of all people that I thought would be smarter than that, it's her. She is far from being a stupid woman. Or a weak one. Yet she chooses to be with him? Ughhh...” Esme shudders dramatically. “...if that isn't enough to make me puke, I don't know what is. And believe me, I don't need any extra reasons to puke. Do you have kids?”

“No. But I haven't completely ruled them out. I'm in a good place with my life right now. I've met a pretty good guy. We're taking things slow, but...”

“Zak, right?”

“How'd you...?”

“It's all in the way he looks at you. The way he watches you when you talk. That little smile he has when you walk into the room. It must be a guy thing. Maybe they're better at expressing it with their faces than they are with their words. Tyler gets so embarrassed if someone brings up 'the look'. And he tries denying its mere existence, but it's there. Whether he wants to admit it or not. He doesn't like to talk about those things. But let me just say this, he's not always a hard ass. He's got a soft side to him, and a huge heart. But whatever you do, do not tell him I told you that. He will deny, deny, deny and I'll never hear the end of it.”

“I know Mark's my boss and I should probably watch the things I say out of respect for him, but...”

“No. Speak your mind, girl. You probably don't have anything to say about him that I haven't said a million times myself.”

“...you really traded up the second time around. Like you went from here...” she holds her hand just below her waist “....to here...” she raises her hand way above her head. “...and I totally didn't mean that to represent the difference in size, but I guess it's appropriate. You went from like grade F beef to like Triple grade A.”

“The difference is night and day. In every respect. And that's what makes thing even more screwed up. Because your brain believed everything some asshole said, so you have no idea how to even let someone love you. You're so used to being treated like garbage that when a decent guy comes along, you don't know how to deal with him. You expect the worst, get the best ,and then you don't know what to do with it.”

“So you get scared and push it away,” Tanis concludes.

“Exactly. And believe me, I pushed long and hard for a while. And he refused to budge. He just tried even harder. And believe me, there were many times he could have told me to go fuck myself and taken off and he would have had every right to do it. But he never did. He's a stubborn shit, let me tell you. Which is probably why he didn't die that day on the bridge in Dhaka. Everything has be on Tyler's terms. It's your way or his way. There is no in between. He has to be in control. I guess he figured he hadn't lost all control yet so why give up?”

Tanis smiles. “Something tells me you had something to do with it to. I mean, you stuck around for a guy you barely knew.”

“Well the sex was amazing and I wasn't ready to let that go yet. I wasn't finished using him for his body yet.”

The other woman laughs at that.

“In all honesty, I did what I dd because I wanted to. Because it felt like the right thing to do. He was in that mess because of me. Well Ovi, too. But if he hadn't have kept us around, he wouldn't have gotten out of there and not ended up as fucked up as he was. Sometimes I wonder if he regrets it. That he did decide to keep us around. If he wishes he'd listened to Nik and just left us in the street. I mean, he wouldn't have all the issues that he has now if he had have ditched us.”

“I have a feeling that he never even considered the ditching you guys part.”

“He says he didn't. That it was never an option. But I couldn't really blame him if he thought about it at least once. It's all about survival right? Self preservation? Sometimes the only person you can worry and care about is yourself.”

“It must have been hard. The aftermath. Of Dhaka.”

“It was...” she fidgets with the straw in her drink, pulling it up, pushing it back down, trying to find the appropriate words to describe exactly what it had been like. Without completely losing her grip on her own emotions. She's normally a sensitive person to begin with, but now the hormones have decided to cause havoc within her body and even the smallest of dirty looks from someone have her ready to burst into tears. Just that morning she'd had a meltdown because the mint of the hotel toothpaste was 'too strong'.

“...hard...” she says. “It was hard. To see someone like that. All the tubes and all the wires and bandages and stitches and what not. He was a mess. He should not have survived that. Even the doctors told me when they took him to surgery when we first got there that they didn't think he'd even get off the table alive. And he almost didn't. He coded three times. They said if there had been fourth, they wouldn't even have bothered to bring him back. That the lack of oxygen would have led to a catastrophic brain injury.”

It's painful to relive it. Even more painful than those moments on the bridge when she'd fought to keep him alive. The agonizingly long wait in the OR family are; that bloody and torn tactical vest clutched tightly to her chest. The one that she'd nonsensically tried to scrub clean in one of the public bathrooms because he 'might need it again'. The doom and the gloom that had been in the surgeon's voice and in all the voices of the doctors and specialists that had come and gone through his room in the ICU. Not one of them believed he would make it. The blood loss was too severe. The damage too great. He'd never be the man he was before. Maybe not even a fraction of it. And the more they tried to prepare her to say goodbye, the tighter she held on.

“And I know that sounds weird because I'd just met him and there's no way I should have ever felt that strongly about him so soon...” she continues. “...but I can't explain it. I can't explain what I felt. I just know I felt it. And I wasn't ready to let him go. We had too much to look forward to. Plans we made. We were legitimately going to work at things and see where we really stood in each others lives. If there was more to it than those five days in Dhaka. But we never got the chance. It didn't go the way we wanted it to.”

“But things worked out,” Tanis reasons. “In the long run. It might have been what you had planned, but they still worked out. Look how far you guys have come. From that day until now.”

“Yeah, he's still trying to solve everyone else's problems and getting hurt doing it.”

“I don't mean in that way. As in the job. He made it out of that hospital. Even when all logic and even science said he shouldn't. He survived that and now look. You're married, you've got amazing kids, one on the way...” she gives a smile, and pats Esme on the tummy. “...it's a great life. Even if doesn't seem that way sometimes.”

“Yeah. It is actually,” she agrees, and then smiles as she lays her own hand on her stomach. It will be a while before her body starts to visibly change. She'd been nearly twenty weeks before even the slightest bit of a bump began to show with Millie. The twins had shown earlier, obviously. And Declan had just been enormous right from the start. He was easily going to be over six feet tall by the time he hit his teen years, and probably built like a linebacker.

“Last one?” Tanis asked, nodding down at Esme's stomach.

“Oh hell yeah. This is it. I thought we were done at three. At least we agreed to stop at three. After the twins, we were done. That was it. Declan was a complete and total shock. We were actually using birth control and that kid still made his appearance. So if anything was meant to be, it's him. And then we decided why not one more , and well, it happened a lot sooner than we thought it would, but it happened.”

“I like to think things like this happen for a reason,” Tanis says. “Everything says that your Declan shouldn't be here. In the same way that doctors and science and all rational logic say hat Tyler shouldn't be here. But they both are.”

“When you put it that way, maybe I should play the lottery. With those kinds of odds running in my house,” Esme muses. “I know how lucky I am. That Tyler even survived. I saw how bad he was; the amount of blood he lost. He honestly probably should have never made it off the bridge alive. And sometimes I think it take it for granted that he did. That I take him for granted. I'm just so used to him being around that I sometimes forget how close it came to him not being around.”

“I think we're all guilty of that. Taking the people in our lives with granted. Their presence for granted.”

“Makes me feel like a shitty human when I think about it. All the times where he's annoyed the shit out of me and wish he would go away and leave me alone. What if I wished those things and it happened? What if the last words I ever said to him were awful? If I actually let him walk out the door without telling him I love him. Imagine having to spend the rest of your life with that kind of guilt?”

“It's why we can't let a day go by without telling people how we feel about them,” Tanis says. “We have to live each day with someone as if it's the last we'll ever spend with them”

****

She's startled to see him when she arrives back at the hotel; there are still two hours before his meeting with McMann and he hadn't planned on returning until after it was over. So it's a nice surprise...and a huge relief...to see him there lounging in the middle of the middle. Leaning back against the headboard with those long legs stretched out in front of him, his hand clasped at the back of his neck, his eyes closed. He doesn't respond to the sound of the door opening and closing; not a single muscle twitching throughout his body or in his face. Chest slowly rising and falling with each steady breath he takes. And she ditches her shopping bags and purse in the closet by the door and kicks off her shoes, bare feet against the soft carpet as she wanders further into the room. The mattress dipping slightly as she climbs onto it, shuffling on her knees towards him and then climbing into his lap, a knee on either side of him, arms around his torso and head resting on his shoulder. She closes her own eyes; he's warm and soothing, his body hard and strong, his familiar scent still intoxicating after all these years.. And when she sighs against him he finally moves; turning his face towards hers and pressing a kiss to her forehead, both arms wrapping around her.

“Hi,” she says, voice muffled against the side of his neck.

'Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm staying in this room too,” he playfully reminds her.

“You weren't supposed to be back until later.”

“Well I came back early.”

“Why?”

“Because I missed you and wanted to see you.”

He can feel her smile against his throat. “That's a very good reason,” she declares, a places a kiss to the scar that mars his neck; the one that will forever serve as a reminder to just how close he'd come to ceasing to exist.

“The best reason,” he says, his palm moving in slow, smooth circles in the middle of her back. “Did you eat something?” He can't help himself; his protective nature is coming out in full force. It's bad enough when it's just her he's worrying about and trying to keep safe, but now there's a baby inside of her and he has twice as much to lose.

“A little bit. What your spawn will let me keep me down.”

“When we get home and we get you into a doctor you can go on that medicine you were on the last time. It helped, yeah? You didn't puke that much with Declan.”

“It was a life saver,” she confirms. “You smell good.”

“You wouldn't have said that a half an hour ago, trust me.”

“Even on your worst days you don't smell that bad. I kind of like how you smell. Even on your stinky days.”

“You smell good too...” he turns his face towards her, nose against her temple. “...strawberries?”

“Your favourite.”

“Yeah...” he grins. “...they are.”

She relaxes against him; the curves of her body soft and supple against firm muscle. She keeps her eyes closed; unable to look at that scar for too long. Normally it doesn't bother her; it serves as a daily reminder that he is still alive and she is lucky to have him. But today it hurts; it cuts deep and vicious and she can't bear it.

“Where were you when you called?” she asks. “Your cell reception sucked.”

“That's why I hung up and sent you a text message instead.”

“Where were you?”

“Just had a team meeting. With Yaz, Mark, and his guys. In an industrial park about ten minutes from town. We didn't want to take the chance that the wrong people saw us all together.”

“Makes sense.”

“Did Mark call you?”

She hears the tension in his voice, feels the way his muscles tighten, how that vein in the side of his throat begins to pulsate. “No. Why? Should he have called?”

“I thought maybe he would. To rat on me. We sort of got into a thing.”

“Yeah?” she runs her fingernails along his hair line at the nape of his neck. “Did you finally beat his ass?”

“Not as much as I would have liked to, no. I think I broke his nose though.”

“Well considering you could have broken his neck, a broken nose is pretty tame. What did you get into it about?”

“What do you think?”

“Awww baby....” she pushes her hand through his hair; letting the longer strands on top slip between her fingers. “...were you defending my honour? My knight in slightly tarnished armour.”

“I said some things I probably shouldn't have said. But I fucking snapped and it all just came out. He's just so fucking ignorant and smug and everyone thinks he's this great guy. Which makes me hate him even more. So I lost it. Said some shit I shouldn't have said in front of other people. About you and him.”

“I'm sure whatever you said, he had it coming. So...”

“It wasn't my place to say those things. About you. I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut. But he just pissed me so bad and...”

“Tyler...” she pulls back to look at him, holding his face in her hands. “...I don't care what you said. It's things that should have been said a long time ago, I'm sure. It's probably things he needed to hear. And if you just so happened to punch him in the face while saying those things...”

“It was an elbow, actually.”

“I'm not going to be upset at you for sticking up for me. Everything I told you about him...about all the things he did...it was all true. So I don't mind those words being out in the open now. Maybe now that someone has finally brought them up and holding him accountable for his shit, he'll straighten himself out. You know he's seeing Nik right?”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“It doesn't bother you?”

“I think she can do a hell of a lot better.”

“You don't think it's weird that my ex is doing whatever with your ex?”

“She is not my ex.”

“Well maybe not an ex girlfriend, but she's an ex something.”

“Putting it that way means I have a lot of exes out there.”

“You dirty boy,” she winks at him. “No wonder you know how to do things you do. You have lot of practice under your belt. All those different women in all those different cities. Do you have a score sheet somewhere?”

“It's not that many. But hey, a man has needs, so...” he shrugs.

“I guess you don't like studying alone that much after all,” she teases, and he gives a scowl and then wraps one arm around waist, lifts her into his chest and then dumps her onto her back in the middle of the bed. “Is this where you punish me?” she inquires, as he kneels between her thighs and leans over her, a hand on either side of her head, outstretched arms bearing his weight. “Is there where I get in trouble for being a smart ass?”

Tyler shakes his head, then places a chaste kiss to her lips before sliding down the bed; fingertips gentle as he pulls up the bottom of her t-shirt, pushes down the waistband of her shorts and then presses his lips to her stomach. Where their baby...his baby...is safe and secure. And it's a moment that is so pure and so beautiful...a moment of vulnerability from such a big, strong, brave man...that it brings tears to her eyes.

“Baby...” she reaches down to push his hair out of his eyes. “...are you okay?”

He nods.

“You don't seem...I don't know...you.”

“I'm fine,” he assures her, giving her that that half frown, half smile that reveals that he is in fact, not fine at all. And his hands are on her hips as he rests his forehead against her stomach.

“Tyler...” she tugs at his hair, forcing him to look up at her. “...what's going on? And don't say nothing. Because I can tell there's something happening inside that brain of yours.”

He attempts another smile. This one a little brighter and reassuring. “You know how I get. Right before shit's about to go down.”

“No. This isn't that. You don't act like this. You're quiet and sullen and broody when you're going into a job. This is different. You're different.”

“I love you,” he says. “So much. I need you to know that.”

“Tyler...” she frowns. “...what is going on?”

“Say it,” he pleads. “I need to hear you say it.”

“I love you too. You know I do. Tell me what's wrong. I can tell something is wrong.”

“I just wanted you to know that. That I love you. You know, just in case.”

“Don't talk like that. Please. I don't want to hear you talk like that.”

“There's something I need to do. Something I can't tell you about. It's better that you don't know. I need you to trust me. That what I'm going to do, I'm doing for you. And the baby. For our kids. I don't want you to ask me about it. Because I can't tell you. It's for your own good. And for mine.”

“Tyler...what...?”

“Just trust me, okay? I need you to trust me. That this is the way things have to be done. I wouldn't do it unless it needed to be done. Just know that it's for you and my kids.”

“You're scaring me. What's going on?”

“I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I want to tell you. But I can't. I'm so sorry, Esme.”

She see the tears that well in his eyes, hears the emotion that causes his voice to crack. “You're going to be okay, right? At least tell me you're going to be okay.”

“I'll be okay,” he promises, pressing one last kiss to her stomach before moving up the bed, once more kneeling between her thighs as he takes her face her hands and kisses her. Long and soft. Heart breakingly sweet. “I'll be okay.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #chris hemsworth character #extraction #sanctuary

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himbowelsh · 4 years ago

Note

Valentines day alphabet for runner? Thank you for all of these i know they must be a lot of work ❤️🌟❤️

valentines day alphabet ( accepting! )

they sure are, darling, thank you for being so sweet! i’m steadily working through them, so... heeeere’s runner!

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

Even if he’s all about that physical affection --- and he is, he can be all over people sometimes --- he’s also surprisingly quiet about it. In tender moments, he’s happy just to share space with someone; being around them, soaking in their energy and observing their body language, is Runner’s most lowkey form of affection. He’s a people person deep down --- he just likes, needs to be around people.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Uhhh --- yeah, flowers are nice. They sure do... grow places, huh? He’s absolutely hopeless with flowers; he’ll pick a half-wilted bouquet up at the supermarket just to try to be romantic, and fail miserably when they fall apart before he can even get them home.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He has a hoard. Like a dragon. He’s stockpiling for the winter, and no, he does not want to share. (Give him M&Ms any day, he’s got a problem.)

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He’s a movie theatre guy, honestly. He just loves the atmosphere of the place. Uncomfortable seats, popcorn to munch on, a good movie playing, and a room dark enough that he can get frisky with his partner without anyone seeing --- sounds like heaven to him.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Oddly enough, for someone who’s so liberal with physical contact, he’s weird about hugs! Mostly because he doesn’t think he’s good at them. When he gets hugged, he tends to fidget; and when he gives them, he’s never quite sure where to put his hands. Better stick to the friendly ol’ shoulder clap, buddy.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh, he’s an inconsummate flirt. He’s flirted with grandmothers on the bus before --- just because it makes them blush and smile. Flirting’s something Runner has a lot of fun with, even if it usually doesn’t go everywhere. He’s got wolfish charm and he’s not afraid to use it.

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He’s hit-or-miss. While he really does try every time, his gifts are usually low-effort, something he can just pick up at the corner store. If he’s planning a grand gesture --- and, don’t get him wrong, he’s definitely the grand gesture type --- it goes above and beyond just a gift. He’ll get a cake and try to set off fireworks. Finding something just right for a birthday or anniversary... is harder than just doing something for them, somehow.

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Actually pretty judicious about it all. Runner’s been burned before, so he’s understandably cautious. If he’s going to give his heart away again, he wants to make sure it’s to the right person --- so he’ll keep things casual and superficial for as long as possible. The moment he really opens up to his partner emotionally, he knows he’s in for the long haul.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

It terrifies him, honestly. He doesn’t know how to be that... emotionally open with someone, especially not if he’s the one expected to take that leap first. It would be very tough for him to say it; he’d echo it if his partner said it to him, but it’d sound like he was speaking in a foreign language, until he gradually warms up to the idea of being loved. (Once he gets there, he’ll enjoy saying it at random times, just to make his partner blush.)

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

It’s not something he likes about himself, but he’s definitely got a jealous streak. It stems from a hint of insecurity, plus knowing the pain of being cheated on before; he doesn’t like seeing his partner cozy up to people who aren’t him. What’s wrong with that? He won’t follow them around or read their private correspondence, but if they’re out in public and he feels ignored, he’ll make his presence known.

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

The sort of guy who grins into the kiss, and it’s sexy until his partner kisses teeth. He’s pretty intense; Runner’s taught himself to focus while kissing, and it works to his advantage in every way. He’s all about the feel of his partner against him, finding a rhythm that works for them both. There’s a decent amount of grinding, but he’s sparse with touches --- one hand grazing his partner’s back, another hovering over their waist before switching just as quickly to their ribs. He riles his partner up through sensation alone, stirring them up with touches and eager caresses until they’re practically moaning into the kiss. (By that point, he can’t help grinning, but they’re usually in too deep for it to kill the mood.)

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

Runner’s loyal to his friends to a fault. He won’t just throw down for them, he’d take a bullet for them without question. Coming from a big family, he’s just as ride-or-die for all his siblings. It might be covered under a thick layer of salt, but Runner’s got a big heart, and loyalty is his best trait.

M : MOONLIGHT. is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He’s all about nighttime. There’s so many things to do, places to do them in, and shadows to keep anyone else from noticing them doing ‘em.

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

A bit of a tease in bed, but switches gears very easily --- one moment he could be nipping at his partner’s collar to make then laugh, the next his eyes are pitch black and he’s captured his partner’s gaze like he’s never going to let them go. Runner is boundlessly energetic in bed, but knows how to pace himself --- he likes to go as long as possible, so it’s not unusual to end up in bed for hours. A bit of a biter, but never excessive with it. Loves having his hands in his partner’s hair, just keeping his fingers tangled there while he works... and he’s definitely the sort to leave a trail of marks all over their body, just so they remember he was there afterwards.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

Not like some people --- coughLeckiecough --- who like to think they’re the next goddamn Lord Byron. Runner’s down-to-earth, and his speaking style reflects that. He says what he means, and doesn’t beat around the bush. Not much flower to his words, but he gets his point across fine, thanks.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

He wants someone with a sharp sense of humor --- who can give as good as they get, and quip right back when someone challenges them. Maybe someone on the athletic side --- he’d love a dancer --- but definitely someone with an healthy appreciation for sports. Would probably do better with an extrovert. He loves loud laughter, and has a soft spot for off-key singing. Maybe someone with good fashion sense, he’d love that... and, above all else, someone who’d do anything for the people they care about.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Runner would absolutely plan something elaborate --- like proposing on a jetski, or on the top of a mountain, or on an amusement park ride --- and have something go incredibly wrong. (It’s the ring. He lives in terror of losing that ring, because at some point he will.)

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

Can someone be a cynical romantic? He definitely leans more towards the cynical side, but there’s a part of him that wants romance badly. He wants to have a happy life with someone he cares about, but fully acknowledges that that’s easier said than managed. He’s no textbook casanova, but has an offbeat romantic streak that only reveals himself during his most unguarded moments.

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Sure did. Several, actually. A few girls in grade school were head over heels for him, and actually got into fights over it. That’s how Little Bud first learned to fear the fury of women, and understood what a tricky thing romance could be. (He kissed two of them under the jungle gym. When the girls compared notes, they were so furious that they both never spoke to him again. Eh, it was fun while it lasted.)

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

He... has this idea of love in his head, the sort of love that just feels like belonging. It’s comfortable, and stable, and not electric whatsoever... but when it comes down to it, that’s the kind Runner wants. He definitely desires passion, but... in his opinion, real love goes beyond fire, straight down to the bedrock beneath.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

He’s been on the bad end of a cheating relationship, more than once. Not total heartbreak --- Runner’s a resilient guy --- but he knows how much it hurts.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

Genuinely not his thing whatsoever. He’ll let his partner take the lead --- basically, tell him what to do and he’ll do it, otherwise he’s content staying in, eating nachos, and doing nothing the entire night.

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

Definitely. There’s a question he doesn’t even have to think about. His Mom would kill him if he ended up unmarried, and Runner hates the idea of spending his life alone --- he absolutely wants to end up with someone, it’s just gotta be the right someone. While he won’t rush into things, he absolutely sees marriage in his future.

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

Serial nicknamer. It’s an issue. Sometimes he’ll throw out nicknames just to get under peoples’ skin (re: Peaches) but they have a bad habit of sticking. He doesn’t use common ones like “honey” or “sweetheart” with his partner, but he will give them a variety of creative nicknames.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

Aside from his jealous streak... not very. Runner trusts the people he’s close with to be able to handle themselves. He won’t jump into a situation unless it’s obvious that they need help, or he sees something he really doesn’t like. Usually, he’ll wait until the other person gives a cue --- then he’ll come in swinging.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

He... had a frequent partner or two back home, and picks up a few girls in Melbourne. About 4 - 5 partners, so he’s no novice (even if he acts more confident than he has a right to.)

#runner conley #the pacific #headcanons #Anonymous

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searchforthescars · 5 years ago

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Two-Toned, Bittersweet – Chapter 1/?

The previously-mentioned Gideon the Ninth “you’re my enemy and you popped up while I was swiping around on a dating app so I swiped right just to screw with you and we matched” AU is now live :)

I know I don’t know you and don’t want to make it Weird but special thanks to @strangehunger - her comment on the original Tumblr post made me want to actually write this instead of daydream about it. Also pls read her fics they’re INCREDIBLE.

Read the whole thing on Ao3

The only reason Gideon Nav downloads a dating app is that Dulcinea Septimus – one of her two close friends and probably the only brain cell she has left – asks her to.

“That’s the only way I can send you profiles to approve,” she explains one morning, sprawled out on the bench outside the school library, legs outstretched in the sun, breath only rattling a little in her lungs. It’s a good day. Gideon is glad. “I don’t want to go out with just anyone, and I know you’ll stalk me on the date if you don’t get a say.”

“Damn right.” Gideon flips open her silver switchblade. Open. Shut. Open. Shut. The snick of the metal is soothing. “But I really don’t want to make a profile.”

Dulcinea tosses her hair over her shoulder. “Please? For me?”

Gideon knows from years of experience that the battle of the wills is one she has already lost. “You’re lucky I love you so much, Septimus,” she grumbles, pulling out her phone and thumbing it open. “I swear, if I-“

“And would it be the worst if you met someone?” Dulcinea barrels on, acting like she hasn’t heard Gideon at all. Gideon just goes with it, as per usual. “Really, Gideon, aside from Camilla and me, you don’t get very much social interaction on the regular.”

Gideon snorts, typing her information into Tinder and adding exactly two pictures from her camera roll: a blurry photo Dulcinea took of her during her last fencing meet, and another of her in the only formal suit she owns from the last time she went to an athlete awards gala. “There. Send away.”

Dulcinea smiles prettily, the kind of smile that would’ve disarmed a weaker woman (including, but not limited to, Freshman Year Gideon) and looks down at her phone, the smile fading from her eyes before it slips from the rest of her face.

“What?” asks Gideon. She isn’t super well-versed in plumbing anyone emotional depths, least of all her own, but knows Dulcinea well enough to know that something is bothering her. “You okay?”

Dulcinea starts to nod, then sighs and shakes her head. “No. It’s just… Never mind.”

"What?" Gideon hikes up her foot and bends her knee to rest her foot on the bench. Dulcinea watches her with detached amusement. "Come on."

"First of all, can you ever sit like a normal person?" As Gideon shakes her head, Dulcinea continues, "second of all, it's nothing."

"What's nothing?" Camilla Hect appears behind the two women so silently that Gideon nearly breaks her neck twisting around to stare at her. "Oh chill, it's me."

She rounds the bench and plops down between the two of them, dropping her book-laden backpack on the ground between her feet and leaning back with a cardboard carton of food in her hands. "What's nothing?" she asks again, shifting her weight slightly when Dulcinea leans her head on Camilla's shoulder.

"Dulcinea made a Tinder profile,” Gideon says, poking at Camilla’s box of food until Cam slaps her hand away.

Camilla snorts. "Why?"

Dulcinea says something so soft Gideon can't make it out. "Huh?"

"Because I'm trying to get over someone," she repeats, color high in her cheeks. She lifts her head from Camilla's shoulder and pointedly doesn't look at the other girl.

"Palamedes," Camilla says, as if that conveys both the long and the short of it. It kind of does, Gideon guesses. "He and Dulcinea were- alright, alright!" She moves away from Dulcinea's none-too-gentle whacks on the arm. "Chill!"

Gideon blinks at both of them, leaning forward and letting her foot drop to the ground in favor of resting her feet on the pavement, her elbow on her knee and her chin on her hand. "Dulcinea, I don't think another guy - or girl, whatever - is going to help you get over someone you so obviously want to be with."

"That was surprisingly emotionally mature for you," Cam unwraps the fork and knife she'd stashed in her pocket and opens the box to reveal the most disgustingly healthy salad Gideon had ever seen in her life.

"I can be mature. I have depth." Gideon takes a carrot sliver from the salad. Camilla stabs at her hand with the fork. "Hey! Save the stabby-stabby for practice!"

"If you keep being late in the mornings, I'm going to make you do drills," Cam says around a mouthful of greens. "Although you'd probably enjoy them."

Gideon doesn't say anything back, partially because Cam is right, but mostly because Harrowhark Nonagesimus is currently exiting the campus library across the street and Gideon is more interested in watching the scrawny black-clad figure struggle under a pile of books than anything else.

"What's with you two, anyway?" Cam asks. It takes Gideon a second to realize she's addressing her.

"They have some rivalry going back ages," Dulcinea answers for her, probably assuming Gideon's lost whatever small amount of rational thought she possessed prior to spotting her arch-nemesis. Across the street, Harrow plops her bony butt down at the nearest table outside the library and spreads out, books and papers everywhere, her tiny black laptop careening precariously near the table's edge.

"She's so weird," Gideon says. Camilla nods. Dulcinea gives her a reproachful look. "What?"

"Be nice, Gideon."

Gideon snorts. "No thanks. I'm good."

There was a time when Gideon was nice to Harrow. More than nice. Gideon has been really good about not allowing herself to think of that time, because Gideon isn't the type to rehash pain over and over until she's numb to it, which probably would be a horrible strategy and would certainly undercut her previous claim to Camilla about emotional maturity and depth.

Dulcinea and Camilla take their leave, ambling slowly away and talking about the class they share this semester. Gideon stays on the bench and opens her phone, figuring it was past time for her to check her school email the two times a week she actually remembers. Her phone opens to the Tinder screen when her phone unlocks, and in a moment of equal boredom and weakness for the potential of attractive women, she opens the dating view.

She's only swiping for a few seconds before she comes across a profile that nearly makes her drop her phone.

"Holy shit!"

Read the rest on Ao3

#gideon the ninth #ttbs #my idiot morons are all in college and having a Hard Time okay

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takemedancingmaine · 5 years ago

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Family Ties

I wasn't sure what I was doing here.

All I really knew was that I was only here for the day. I kept telling myself that no matter how bad it got, whichever way this went, I would be gone by 7 pm.

It was the result of a dumb impulse decision that I had made after self-defense class on Thursday. I had bought the tickets without properly thinking through just what I was going to say, or admitting to myself any consequences that could come up as a result.

When I woke up Friday in a post adrenaline haze I had been panicked. What had I been thinking? I couldn't tell my parents. There was no way. This was dumb. It was a dumb decision.

Yet for some reason, I brought myself to the airport this morning, went through security behind some of the most impatient tourists I had ever seen, and had gotten on a plane and flown to St. Louis. Truth be told, I wasn't sure if I was actually living this or if I was just having an incredibly vivid dream.

Either way, dream or real, I was now in a rental car on my way to my sister’s apartment near SLU’s campus.

When I said I didn't think this whole process through, I meant it. Neither Mehar nor my parents knew I was coming home. I didn't even know if they'd be around. But after telling my friends what happened I was inspired to tell everyone in order to really start healing, and that included my parents, my little sister. And I wanted to do it as soon as possible.

Hence my driving across St. Louis in the middle of the morning on a wintry Saturday in February to see my sister before I even knew if she was home. I thought about calling her, but whenever I picked up my phone to call her or even text her, I felt sick to my stomach. How do you bring something like that up over the phone? That was why I had decided to fly down in the first place.

My stomach was in knots. Telling my friends, telling Niall, had been different. This felt weightier, this felt like it was going to be so much more painful like it was going to be so much more impactful on my recovery, but that such an impact could go either way.

I sat in my rental car for a few minutes after pulling into the apartment complex my sister lived in. I was struggling to compose myself, and I was focusing on my breathing when my phone buzzed in the cup holder, scaring me into action. I took a breath and picked up the phone.

Cleo: You’ve got this. I love you.

And right when I was reading that, my phone buzzed again in my hand, two new messages coming through in quick succession in our friend group chat. It was the same group chat. I had assured my friends that it would only be more awkward if they were to create two new, separate chats now that Niall and I had split.

Louis: we’re all here rooting for you! Liam: [photo attached]

Liam had sent a photo of the whole group huddled around a table at a coffee shop: Harry and Ana, Louis, Liam, and Cleo. Harry in his Packers gear, no doubt to annoy Liam even though their season was over. Cleo wearing the scarf I'd gotten her that first winter we were friends. Louis had on the same jean jacket he always wore. It was negative temperatures with the wind chill, and he was still wearing that over a sweater instead of wearing a real coat. They all looked so normal to me that it filled me with warmth. I could almost pretend I was there with them.

They were all smiling, Harry and Cleo were giving me thumbs up, and Ana was toasting me with her tea. It looked like someone was holding the phone, that it wasn’t a selfie. I had one guess as to who was holding it.

I had my friends on my side, and no matter what happened with my family today, that family, my friend-family, would always be there for me. I took a deep breath and got out of the car, and walked up to my sister’s door where I knocked and waited.

“Ruby?” It was Ashley, one of my sister’s roommates.

“Is Mehar here?” I asked.

“Yeah, let me go get her,” Ashley said. ��You can come in.” I followed her and waited just inside the door. Mehar’s apartment was cozy and reminded me a bit of Cleo’s with twinkle lights and candles everywhere and endless blankets in a bin next to the sofa.

“What the fork are you doing here?” My sister said as she came around the corner and stopped short when she saw me.

“I can't just pop by and surprise my little sister?”

“Not if you live five hours away you can't.” She looked at me skeptically.

“I just really needed to see you,” I let the words fall out in a whoosh as the truth pulled them from me. “I really needed my sister. So I thought I'd just... swing by. I’m only in town until my flight at seven.”

“What's wrong?” She took a step toward me. My sister looked like me, she was more slender, but we had the same features, hers were angular where mine were rounded, but they were the same nonetheless. We had the same nervous ticks, even though our stressors were different. We had the same ability to look at each other and be able to understand when it was no longer a joke or a jest, but when it was serious.

Mehar took one look at me and knew I wasn't here for anything light.

“Come here,” she said before stepping close and pulling me into her. I held my sister for a while. I held her, breathed in her familiar scent, and felt my whole body relax at her proximity. Mehar and I were always teasing each other, but when it came down to it, I'd do anything for her, and I knew she'd do the same for me.

Eventually, we pulled back from each other and she gestured for me to sit down at her breakfast bar.

“You wait here. I'll be right back.” I nodded and watched her disappear around the corner and into her room.

In the minute and a half it took her to return, I had counted the number of vowels on the grocery list on the fridge five times. There were thirty-two.

“I found this at mom and dad’s,” Mehar was saying as she strolled back into the room. It was a card. I could see that much. Mehar stood on the other side of the breakfast bar from me and gestured for me to open it as someone joined us in the kitchen.

He was tall, probably just over six feet, and he had stunning green eyes and short, wavy blonde hair. His athletic build was noticeable even under the SLU tennis T-shirt he was wearing. What I noticed first though, was the way he looked at my sister as he stepped up beside her and reached for a coffee mug.

“Andy, this is my sister Ruby,” Mehar began. “Ruby, this is Andy.”

I knew him from her descriptions of him, but what I didn't know was how he felt. That look I'd witnessed just now had me certain he wasn't just using my sister, that whatever she was experiencing for the first time, it wasn't one-sided. I looked between him and my sister and then smiled.

“Nice to finally meet you, Andy,” I said as I watched him blush at my words. He glanced down at his feet and then looked back up at me.

“You as well, Ruby,” he said. “I've heard so much about you.”

“All good things, I hope,” I laughed.

“Only good things,” Andy said back. “You're what she talks about most of the time.”

“I wouldn't say most,” Mehar half-heartedly defended herself. “A lot, but probably not most.”

“Oh, probably not,” Andy teased her, sliding his arm around her waist.

Mehar made a face and rolled her eyes at him. “Ruby, do you want breakfast?”

I looked at my watch. “Meh, it's 10:42.”

“Brunch then,” she amended with a shrug.

“I can do brunch.” I nodded, holding back my laugh.

“How do you take your eggs, Ruby?” Andy asked as he headed to the fridge. “I’ve been told I make a pretty good omelet.”

“I could go for an omelet.” I nodded and as he got to work with the eggs and Mehar got started on making French Press coffee after turning on some John Mayer over her speaker, I remembered the card in my hands. Looking down at it I realized that it was Mehar’s handwriting on the envelope. It wasn't sealed either, so I slid the card out.

The front was just sunflowers, no message, so I opened it and started reading. It was a graduation card from when I'd graduated high school. It was from Mehar to me, but I was fairly certain I had never seen it before.

I started scanning the text of the card and immediately was fighting back tears. She wrote about how proud of me she was, how excited for my future endeavors she was, and how she knew I was strong and brave and destined for good things.

I let a tear slip down my cheek before quickly wiping it away and re-reading the card before closing it and sliding it back into its envelope. When I looked up my younger sister was watching me, a freshly pressed mug of coffee in her hands, held almost to her lips as she inhaled the aroma.

“I found it in a book I had been reading at the time. I must've used it as a bookmark or something. I hadn't seen it since right before your graduation, but I felt so guilty having it and not giving it to you…. I was going to mail it, but you being here to read it works too.”

I just looked at her, at the card, and then her again, hoping that my look could convey just how I felt.

My little sister gave me a watery smile and strode around her counter and hugged me tightly.

“I love you, Ruby,” she told me.

“I love you too, Mehar,” I said back.

“So what really made you come here?” She asked now. Andy had just left to go to practice and we were on her couch together re-watching an old show we both knew well.

Andy hadn’t been kidding, he made so much food for us and everything was delicious. I was stuffed and happily so. He was also very kind. He and Mehar seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces: the two of them had inside jokes and were instinctive toward one another. At one point, he looked up at her and without a word refilled her coffee and added the proper amount of cream and sugar for her.

Seeing my sister in an easy routine with someone was like watching a little green alien stroll out of a spaceship and act as if everything was normal: something felt out of place, but maybe that was because it simply hadn’t happened before. Mehar said, for years, that she loved her lifestyle, and I know she still does like that lifestyle, but this feels different. Andy has been around for a bit, knows things about her that she’s not let other boys know, she didn’t seem hesitant to introduce us either, and I’d never before met someone Mehar had been with, in any capacity.

I know I kind of forced her hand by just showing up out of the blue, but she seemed completely at ease with the situation. My sister blew me away with her adaptability. Just a few days ago she was telling me that she actually liked a boy and that she wanted to change her whole life plan, but as was typical to my sister, she took the whole experience in stride.

I looked down at the mug of tea in my hands and then looked up at her.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Well, there’s a couple of reasons,” I said softly. When I had told my friends, my voice and resolve had been strong. Right now with my sister, I felt weak. I had spent all of my life protecting, or trying to protect, Mehar from the bad things in this world and telling her this meant exposing her to bad things as well as exposing her to my own personal darkness. It felt counterintuitive.

“Okay,” she nodded, compelling me softly to continue.

“I’m going to stop by mom and dad’s after this, because one of the things might just be easier to say to all of you at the same time,” I tell her. “I don’t know if after the week I’ve had I can relive it twice.”

“Ruby, you’re starting to scare me.” She leaned forward, toward me and put her hand on mine for a moment.

“Niall and I…” I trailed off. Even that phrase hurt to say. “We’re,” I started again. “I broke up with him.”

“You what?” Her voice that had been soft before was a little harsh when she asked that. I looked up at her and saw her eyes harden, too.

“I broke up with him,” I repeated it, feeling the sting of it, again and again, a thousand little cuts on my skin every time the reality struck me.

“He’s… Ruby, Niall is the best guy you’ve ever dated and you broke up with him?” She was incredulous, and just as I expected her questions started coming fast. “Why? Did he hurt you, like was he abusive? Did he cheat on you? What about Louis, are they still friends? How could you just… break up with him? He was in love with you.”

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump that rose in my throat when she said that. “I know he was. I loved him, still love him.” I paused and took a breath, but nothing was making the discomfort in my chest recede. “He didn’t hurt me, in any way. He didn’t cheat on me. Louis is trying to figure it all out right now, but he’s still friends with both of us,” I answered some of her questions.

“Then how could you?” I flinched. “Do you even know how much he loved you, Ruby?” My sister was hard, I’d known that always. We used to have fights when we were younger, too. This though, this felt different. This wasn’t a superficial fight over stealing each other’s clothes or makeup. This was something deeper and more meaningful.

“That’s kind of why I had to do it,” I whispered.

“So were you just stringing him along?”

“No!” I shook my head rapidly. “No, of course, I wasn’t. I,” I opened my mouth and nothing came out, so I closed it and thought for another moment. “I’m just trying to sort myself out first. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with me so that I don’t hurt him along the way.”

“You’re so selfish,” she said now and I recoiled like I’d been physically slapped across the face. My sister’s dark eyes were narrowed as they looked me over and I couldn’t help but feel the chill in the room.

“Probably.”

“So we’re going to Mom and Dad’s, now? And then you’re leaving at seven?” She asked, turning the TV off and grabbing my and her mugs, practically ripping mine out of my hands, before heading to the kitchen where she discarded them in the sink.

“I guess so.” I nodded.

“We should probably drive there separately,” she called from her room. “I mean, logistically their house is closer to the airport, so if you have to return your rental car I can still drive home.”

“Okay.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped away the tear that escaped.

“Alright, see you there.” She came out of her room and swiped her heavy jacked off the peg by her front door, and then handed me mine before she opened the door and gestured to me to head out.

Numb, and not just from Mehar’s response but also from the fact that I was about to tell my parents what happened to me, I made my way over to my rental car and climbed inside, feeling like I’d just been in battle: all of me was tired and sore. I let out a sigh and watched as Mehar peeled off in her car and then made to follow her.

Now that I was standing in my parent’s foyer the reality of what I was doing came crashing down. I could hear them fussing in the other room over Mehar. My mom had been upset about my coming home, as I expected she would be. She was upset she didn't know ahead of time, upset I wasted money on just being here for a day, upset that I looked so muscley because then I would never find a man.

It wasn’t like I didn’t expect any of that.

“Ruby,” my father called my name as he stepped into the room. My parents never really approved of how I chose to live my life, but the most vocal about that was my mother. My father was upset I wasn’t closer to home, upset that I wasn’t making as much money as I could potentially be with my degree, but my father was softer than my mother.

“Hmm?” I hummed and looked over at him. He was greying around his temples, his reading glasses were up on top of his head, and he had one of the kindest faces. I remembered all the music we would listen to together, thinking about all that he taught me while Mehar and I were little, thinking about how this news would affect him.

“Your mother made tea,” he said.

“Okay.”

We slipped into the kitchen. Mom and Mehar were sitting at the island, sipping tea, and Dad joined them. I stood alone on the other side while I filled my teacup and stayed there, across from them.

I didn’t have Cleo there with me this time to be my rock. I had to be my own rock. I had to somehow get through this without her.

I wasn’t sure how to tell the story again, so I just sort of, started talking. I started with what happened and ended with how I was going to self-defense classes and getting into a healthier mindset. I left Niall out of it all, but I knew Mehar could tell I was leaving him out.

Once I was done talking, I settled in and waited for their reactions.

My mom, predictably, had a bit of a meltdown. She lectured me on how I should have told her sooner, how big cities aren’t safe, how she told me that over and over again and that she knew something bad like this was going to happen.

I stayed silent throughout it all, accepting it as her way of coping. She thought she was right, and I wasn’t going to change her mind. I knew better. I knew I just had to let it play out and that she would calm down to her usual level of distaste toward Chicago eventually.

My father was angry. Not toward me. Okay, a little of it was toward me. He argued that he could have done something, and was angry that nothing had been found in regard to the case they opened to find whoever did this to me. My father was headstrong. You have to be when you move across the world and have to assimilate and make a life for yourself. But I’d never seen him angry before. He stormed out of the room and my mother followed suit, leaving me with just Mehar.

“And I was such an asshole to you this morning,” Mehar breathed out. She looked shaken, and I felt a pang in my heart.

“It’s okay,” I told her. “I understand why.” Truly I did. I wasn’t upset with her for being rude and upset with me. I understood it. I absolutely knew what I had told her was a big deal, and much like Louis, she had reflexively turned cold at my news.

“I’m your sister.” She shook her head. “I should have given you the benefit of the doubt.”

“Mehar,” I reached over to her. “It’s okay. I promise.”

“But what I don’t understand is why you kept this from me?” She sounded hurt. “I’m your sister, Ruby. I… I would’ve understood. I could’ve been there for you. I could have helped you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared,” I told her. “I was afraid that if I told you then the whole thing would control me and take over my life. I didn’t see that keeping it a secret was still enabling it to take over and control me.”

“Maybe I could have helped you realize that sooner,” she said.

“You? Probably.” I nodded. “You’re pretty strong-willed and incredibly smart. Especially now that you’re shifting to focus on research psychology.”

“I just wish I could have helped you. I wish I had been there for you.” She bit her lip. “I feel a little betrayed that you didn’t let me in on something as big as this. We tell each other everything, Ruby.”

“I made a mistake,” I admitted. “I don’t know why hiding it was my first instinct. I don’t know why telling everyone now feels so counterintuitive. I’m kind of flying blind here, Me.” I bit my lip and shrugged. “It’s not like you’re taught how to go through this kind of thing in school.”

“You’re right,” she said. “It’s not like you were prepared. But haven’t I been a good enough sister to you? Did I do something to make you think you couldn’t trust me?”

“No. You’re literally the best sister, Mehar. I love how open we are with each other. I love how much we give to each other and help each other. I don’t- I don’t know why. I know I can trust you. It wasn’t about trust. It was fear. I’m your big sister, Mehar. I’m supposed to protect you. How could I protect you when I’m damaged?”

“You think you’re damaged?” Mehar asks. “You think you can’t still try and protect me? I’m strong because of you, Ruby. How else do you think I came to terms with changing my future? I thought about what you would do, how fearless you are. I can’t- I don’t know how you don’t realize that I am who I am because of you. I would never judge you. I wouldn’t have thought less of you. And yes, I’m always going to appreciate you trying to protect me, but sometimes, I’d like to return the favor. I’d like to protect you. I’d like the opportunity to be able to help you and I never get that chance.”

I was at an actual at a loss for words.

“I’m not saying there’s going to be a next time of these proportions,” Mehar continued. “But next time anything happens, anything, Ruby, you have me. You have me to talk to. You will always have me to talk to.”

Our father came back into the room and without saying anything wrapped me up in a tight hug.

“Ruby,” my father sighed. “I’m really glad that you’re okay. I’m glad that you’re strong and that you’re going to those classes.”

He pulled back after another long moment of holding me, and kept me close, but looked into my face. “You’re happy, right? You’re still happy?”

“I am,” I told him truthfully. “I may have hurt the people close to me by not telling them what happened earlier, but I’m working on that, and I’m happy with my job and my friends.”

“That’s the important thing,” he said before pulling me into another tight hug. Physical affection was weird for my family, at least coming from my parents and aimed at Mehar and I. This though, this was somehow something my father knew I needed, and I accepted his hug gratefully.

“Mom’s never going to let me get on that plane tonight, is she?” I asked.

“I will talk to her,” he assured me. “She won’t be happy about it, but deep down she knows the city, your friends there, make you happy. She won’t like it, but she’ll let you go.”

“Thank you, daddy,” I sighed. I tightened my grip on him and then let go.

“Of course, Ruby.” He smiled and gave me a pat on the arm. “I’m going to go talk to your mother, then maybe we can get some takeout before you have to be on your flight,” he said.

“Maybe,” I said back as he stepped out of the room again and Mehar gave me a crazy look as she looked between me and where he’d just left the room.

“Who was that? That certainly wasn’t our dad,” she scoffed. “There’s no way. He must’ve been abducted by aliens or something.”

I barked out a laugh. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“That’s why you broke up with Niall then, isn’t it?” She asked, cautious to keep her voice down, wary of our parents possibly listening in.

I nodded.

“You kind of told me the events in reverse order,” she said. “I might not have been so mad at you if you’d explained why before you told me you broke up with him.”

“Well.” I shrugged, unable to explain myself. I’d done so much explaining this week.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still really mad at you. You didn’t tell me about a huge life event and you also failed to factor in logic when breaking up with the world’s most perfect man for you.”

“If Niall and I are meant to me, then maybe it’ll happen when I’m healthy enough for it,” I explained. “And if not,” I stopped when my voice broke. “If not, then he taught me so much about myself and what I deserve and what a healthy relationship looks like.”

“I’ve met him,” she said with a smirk. “I’m sure he’d drop his entire life if it meant he could have you back.”

I laughed.

“I’m serious,” Mehar came over and wrapped an arm around me. “He’d be a fool not to. He’s also absolutely smitten with you, Ruby. I doubt even something like this would change his mind.”

“Healthy people move on from things, Mehar. I’m preparing myself for him to have moved on from me.”

“Healthy people do move on, but love is a funny thing, Ruby. I wouldn’t sell yourself short.”

“Alright crazy lady.” I rolled my eyes at her and laid my head on her shoulder. “Let’s talk about you and Andy some more.”

“You like him?” She asked.

“I think he’s great,” I told her truthfully. “Neither of you is trying to change the other, but somehow you fit together so well anyway. You seem to be in a really good place.”

“I am,” she said. “I think I’ll have to let mom and dad calm down from this a little before I tell them I’m moving away, going to grad school. I looked into graduate programs, by the way. Michigan State apparently has a really great program.”

She was baiting me. I knew it. I still took it.

“You can’t go to my school’s rival!” I gasped.

“It would only be for their graduate program,” she defended herself.

“Still, Mehar,” I groaned. “They’re actually the worst.”

“Their psychology program isn’t.” She poked me in the side.

“Are there any other schools?” I asked, desperate.

“Northwestern doesn’t have a masters, but they have a PhD track,” she shrugged. “Their undergraduate program is amazing though. Same with U Chicgao. Their master’s program has a pretty good reputation too, but if I wanted the best it looks like I’d be moving to North Carolina.”

“This sounds like it could be bad or really bad,” I complained.

“Carolina and Duke have the number one and two masters programs in the country. I realize that means it would be harder to get accepted, but I’ve started working with my professors on their research and I’m doing really well in all of my classes. I just have to keep working.”

“I have so much faith in you,” I wrapped an arm around her and sighed. “I’m excited for whatever comes next for you.”

“You too,” she told me. “We’ve got the world ahead of us, Ruby.”

“We really do,” I agreed.

In the end, our mother had come down and had dinner with us before I had to leave. She also told me she was glad I was okay but kept reminding me and dropping not so subtle hints that the city I chose to live in was dangerous. It was nothing I couldn’t handle.

Sitting on the plane on the runway I kept thinking about something Mehar had said. She had told me she thinks she wasted her potential staying close to home for undergrad instead of going to a harder more competitive school where she could’ve been pushed more, be better prepared for graduate school.

I argued that because of her decisions, she found friends, experimented with different walks of life to choose from so she was certain that she knew what she wanted, and she found Andy, who–if nothing else–was introducing her to a lifestyle she had never tried before. Something I assure her she would be able to keep up with if she moved to North Carolina or, hopefully not, Michigan.

I was thinking about it because we all end up on the right path somehow or another. Whether it's straightforward because we’re certain we know what we want, or whether the wrong paths teach us lessons that we didn’t even know we needed to learn, I don’t know.

What I did know was that my sister, who repeatedly told me she was still very much mad at me, would be okay. She kept trying to tell me the same thing, too. I knew she was right, but I was still working through the consequences of my decisions and that was going to take some time and was a lot less straightforward than I’d hoped it would be.

#I'm just going to post this #I'm not waiting for Sunday #I don't know why #But I also know there's a certain someone out there #who would kill for me to post this today #AAAANY way #this means there's only THREE CHAPTERS and an epilogue left #I'M SO CLOSE TO THE END #I'm feeling bittersweet #fic: only ticket home #fic: OTH21 #fic: OTH #niall horan fanfic #1dff

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