#who would kill for me to post this today
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i wish it wasn't so normal for people to complain about unfinished wips or fics that take a long time to update. because sometimes i think i have a really fun idea for a fic but it'd take a while for me to write, and i like talking about my work as i do it and i don't like writing entire fics over like 20k without sharing, because i lose steam. so if i were to write and post that cool fic idea, it'd be as a wip. and then i think about all the people who just refuse to engage with wips, or all the other people who would just go "update pls" all the time, and of how people only really comment in the first 24 hours something is posted and then it's lost to obscurity, and then i just go "actually whats the point in going through the effort writing this out? i'll just daydream about it now and then and be done with it." and then i don't write it. alas!
#rimi talks#shoutout to that one person who followed me from resi fandom and commented on one of my dc fics like ''pls update that resi fic''#also shoutout to all those tumblr posts about how theres nOthInG wOrSe than finding a GoOd FiC but its uNFiNIsHeD#i used to really like writing longfic but these days i kind of shy away from it bc it rly does get discouraging#like they say ''write for yourself'' and i do but i certainly dont share just for my own satisfaction yk???#anyways. i already have space fic and theres no need for me to start another fic. even if it would be fun.#ive also just been in a Mood about writing since yesterday and thats not helping matters 😔#but it feels like a stupid thing to be in A Mood about. idk. whatever jdlksk hopefully itll pass and ill be normal tomorrow :/#bc talking to duck earlier today we came up with a really fun mermay fic premise. but. writing? me? multichap again? lol. lmao even#like i would love to!!!!!! having two ongoing multichaps wouldnt kill me i like to pingpong between wips#but dealing with people whining about update times or telling me they refuse to read bc its a wip...... dunno if i can do that again fellas#okay. enough woes and whining. i guess i will go play a video game
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sometimes i worry about my internet footprint and the fact that it might stop me from getting a job in the future or something (i literally run a blog posting screenshots from fanfics i read) but then i think ‘well damn, if they can find all this information about me then i don’t deserve the job cause i know i wouldn’t put in that much effort to find information on someone’ and i feel better
#HI DOES ANYONE WANT SOME BLOG RUNNER LORE CAUSE IM CURIOUS AS TO WHAT YOU THINK#-> in the tags!!!#talking in tags cause i’m too embarrassed to make this an actual post but i tried using character ai today and i got so bloody scared#i was talking and then it was like tell me the truth and then i was like okay and i said something and then it was like tell me the truth#and i said the thing again and then it was like YOU ARE LYING but instead of one sentence just a whole page of text saying YOU ARE LYING#and i was like NO IM NOT (i was but anyways) it was like YOU ARE A VERY GOOD LIAR YOU ARE BAD AT TELLING THE TRUTH and i was like#FINE YOURE NOT REAL and it was like WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY but a whole page of text saying that again and it terrified me again#and then i was like I DONT KNOW WHY WOULD I KNOW and then it killed me#and then i was like ‘but it turns out the entire time it was a dream and i’m still alive’ and it was like yeah it was just a dream#and i said bye and it left the room and then i closed the tab and now i’m ranting about it on tumblr#DUDES GUYS EVERYONE I WAS SO FUCKING SCAREDDDDDDDD#I NEEDED TO GO TO THE TOILET BUT I WAS TOO SCARED TO GET OUT OF BED#also if anyone wants to ask who was it i’m not telling you i was too embarrassed to make an actual post about this you think i’m going to#tell you who i chose to talk to?? nope absolutely not#anyways rant over if anyone does read this tell me what you think!#me :)
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2005 -> 2013 -> 2024
i re-redesigned my old pokemon oc Deveon that i used to roleplay as on furcadia. lol. ref sheet under cut
(not really a """mode""" it can literally just stand up & put on clothes if it feels like it)
#posting art on tumblr is so embarrassingggg pls be nice#im trying to go thru & draw ref pics for all my old ocs...thought itd be fun to start w my oldest. 12 yr old me would be gagged#deveon is pretty much just Some Guy that happens to be a pokemon. like mewtwo. it can talk & use technology etc. it prob has pokétumblr#mf up @ 1am posting like. the scientists who made me sent more guys to track me down today :^/ yeah i had to kill them. check out this meme#and everyone thinks its some weird rp blog. it posts a selfie once & ppl are like holy shit nice fursuit dude#pokemon#fakemon#eeveelution#deveon#my ocs#my art#mine#furcadia
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anyways. my very first attempt at malenia
#elden ring#my post#this starts late (?) bc i didnt want to get the cutscene in the clip but fumbled to start the recording bc she does kinda rush you#and i was not at all prepared#anyways im genuinely tempted to just write a long post dumping my thoughts on malenia and her fight and how im puzzling through it#ive reached peak intrinsic motivation elden ring#the only reason why i probably should wait to make the post is bc ive only gotten as far as first phase half health#i have another recording thats abt a minute and a half long attempt and i gave it a few tries today#its worth mentioning that the night before i decided to finally start fighting malenia i told my friend (who managed to beat her) that bc#a lot of the last few endgame bosses didnt take me too long to beat i was worried that malenia wouldnt take me very long#and he just told me she would throw me into a meat grinder. and i lasted 12 seconds against her after that intro cutscene#anyways the fact that she's a very straightforward and easy to see boss makes it very easy to break her down and figure out how she#works n why she's hard and figure out a plan and everything i really like it. no particle effects just some sparks and sword trail lines#i keep getting caught by her flurry attack n today my plan (while talking to my friend) was to figure out why i kept getting caught by#it despite it being very obviously telegraphed n then putting together why i struggle with it. its REALLY fun to think technically abt her#anyways. fun part abt me getting killed by the grab + impale is that i honestly wasnt sure if that was actually implemented in the game#bc id never seen it in gameplay and. here we go. ten seconds in there it is
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阁下!不用理由就会相信、没有力量也要保护的人,阁下难道没有吗? your excellency! someone you would believe regardless of reason and protect despite being powerless - does your excellency not have someone like that?
#being feminine in a world so dominated by masculinity that it's inhospitable to your presence you have to conceal your face#and then you become a mystery. and never become yourself again#hlht#lhl#鹤唳华亭#莲花楼#my posts#lwx would be lxy if she was a guy. lxy would be lwx if he was a girl#but either way it's about how being a girl in the world is very hard. THANKS FOR COMING TO THE TED TALK. MIC DROPS#OKAY so this post has been in my drafts since last week#but ana's thoughts from today is so spot on for it!!! about llh being made to wield a sword time and over literally slowly killing him -#as a performance of masculinity by someone who doesn't want to do it but is burdened / forced to do it -#out of overwhelming sentimentality and emotions to fight for / defend people very important to him.#then you have lwx gripping onto the other end of the blade cutting herself and don't care. in order to protect her family. HELLO!!!!!!#they're holding both ends of the sword and it's killing them.#and they'll do it to the bitter end bc there's no turning back no home to return to#HLHT/LHL BRAINROT FOR MARK AND MEEEE and ana too if u r into this ily <3#credits to mark for planting the lwx/llh comparison in my brain!!!#i can finally release this into the wild!!! 😭😭 it's so important to me. if you even care
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day 124
aint that just the way though huh
#year 4#it me#short version my grandma went to the er last week bc she was feeling ill#suspected it to be some long covid side effects. they put her on fluids & nutrition for most of the week#saturday she was scheduled to go home#mere hours before her discharge she fell and broke her hip#so she had surgery to repair it the following day#but post op she couldnt bear to eat anything and was very tired#so they did more tests#turns out shes like. terminally ill#in a kind of vague and nonspecific way related to being Just Very Old And Frail#but there is very definitely some stuff going on inside her that WILL eventually kill her#we just dont know when exactly#but we though maybe itd be sometime this week#but today she seemed to be rallying so now we are like#okay well do we send her to rehab for her hip or does she need to stay in like a more robust care facility#and its simply a whole thing#and we would really like for her to be able to go home before she dies so she can have unlimited access to her dog#who she loves very much and who is not allowed in the hospital#idk it is just ROUGH. not unexpected but on top of the other shit that has happened this year?#my aunt recovering from brain surgery still#my dog being very old and fragile#my fucking hamster died#its just a lot!!!#cw death#cw pet death#cw animal death#cw terminal illness#day 124
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Head in my hands wondering if I'll have to cut the entire Chume Labs section out because it's more suited to being a different chapter, but also knowing the next chapter can't have it either so I might have to cut it from this fic entirely aaaAAAAAAAAAA
#i talk#fic talk#I was thinking I could stay up a while and try to finish this chapter so I could maybe post it tomorrow#but this is really eating me up#On the one hand... a solely Fuga chapter would be great#on the other hand... this chapter is supposed to show their growth from Fuga to the Chume Labs era#(even if it IS 99% about Fuga)#because that's what the chapter's theme is about#Agh#I'll keep chipping away at things regardless#Anyways for folks who like numbers#so far of everything I've already written / edited I have 5588 words#If I solely make this a Fuga chapter there are 1135 words left in my draft#meaning the final total of the chapter will be around 7000 words more or less since I tend to add a lot more stuff when I'm editing#I've got 1870 words (approximately) written for the Chume Labs section#which means if I do the entire Fuga + Chume Labs part this chapter will probably be just under 10000 words#@ __________ @#Maybe I should split this chapter up and make the Chume Labs part an interlude#Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm#Or maybe I'll throw it in Chapter 4 after all. Hell I dunno#We'll see how I feel once I finish editing all the Fuga stuff#I'm pretty happy with the Fuga stuff though but oh boy did it kill me#I think the reason I'm waffling about the Chume Labs bit is because technically it wasn't supposed to be included in this chapter#I had the idea two (?) ish weeks ago and went ''Wait that's a great idea to add''#which is how 99% of my writing goes and is one of the reasons why everything takes so long lol#But anyways. Yeah it's looking like no chapter update today (or I guess tomorrow depending on your timezone)#Sorry guys!#But it's almost done
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DCU fandom is so funny because everyone is always mad. Feels like living with my parents again 🥰 home sweet home 🥰
#no tags thank you tumblr I don't want anyone to shout at ME#i just love that people will be like '[comic] is their worst characterisation!!!' on a post and then u scroll and other ppl are like#'this is the BEST way character has been portrayed and I live and breathe THIS specific comic'#and nobody has their story straight on ANYTHING#and everyone hates every ship but also everyone loves every ship#the biggest crime a dcu character can do is Be Boring#it's just really funny I walked in everything was on fire and I sat down and said 'oh nice and warm in here!'#'damian killed dick!!!' 'yeah in the run where he killed dick. they're best friends over THERE'#'jason is the saddest man in the world and here is a beautiful essay about him' 'jason is overused for trauma'#people hate wfa for being the canon fanfic#the dc writers hate all their characters and apparently the flash is the most op in the universe but he has to be nerfed#because of superman and batman etc etc BUT. BUT. if he got to be the winner and strongest people would RIOT bc superman and batman#everyone has bonded with specific comics from the 1900s and they're refusing to move on and accept change#everyone hates the current things happening right now in canon and they're screaming and fightin#and I'm just like: today I learned that the dog superhero cartoon I watched when I was a child was a DC character! wild!#like whew#people are MAD here#and I've been in a lot of fandoms#but I can't go anywhere without a fight breaking out. truly they reflect their hometown (gotham)#note: I'm still mostly in batman/superman stuff bc I'm new and there's a LOT of ground to cover#i have to give the disclaimer bc I am trying not to step on any toes I literally just think it's funny how much this fandom#hates everyone and everything IN this fandom#anyway shoutout the the people trying to get railed by twoface! you're so fun to me 🤭#also I love jesse mccartney I can't believe roxas is dick grayson [real]#if tumblr shows this post to anyone it better ONLY be to people who are chill about the infighting situation I think it's important#to the dcu eco-system at this point
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i am severely upset at the sexyman polls for this year. yeah its absolutely because im biased and not a single one of the mtt won. but killer vs error is still going on you say!!! NO,,,,, killer's lost,,,,, its 70 error 30 killerISH so yeah,,,,, none of the mtt MADE!!!! IT!!!! and with the boom in killer content these past few months i wasSO FUCKING SURE that he'd like AT LEAST get higher up. nope. because of ERROR. listen i like him. he was my og bias when i first joined this fandom. i was an error fanatic. but bro,,,,, bro,,,,,,,,, killer,,,,, lost,,,,,, AND FUCKING HORROR AND DUST LOST TOO!!!! LIKE WHAY. WHAT. PUTTING HORROT AGAINST ERROR AND DUST AGAINST CROSS!!!! THEYRE LITERALLY BOTH THE TWO GUYS THAT (1/2 of them) WON LAAT YEAR!!!! OF COURSE THEYRE GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE MTT!!!!! this is very upseting im really sad imMAD. but no point in being a sore loser.... mtt won in my HEART 🧡
dust laughing at both horror and killer for getting the shit beaten out of them by error and then they bring up the fact that he lost to CROSS. this is the second time someone in the mtt lost to cross (theyre all making out in the loser's room) (mtt poly real btw)
#sexyman polls but instead its all just mtt and peoples' aus and varients#i COULD NOT be able to vote. it would be hell for me WHO WOULD I CHOOSE#i CAN'T choose dude i literally wouldn't be able to at all#do i vote for og mtt my pookies??? or jk mtt my besties???? or mst my children????? WHO DO I VOTE FOR#i think i would be biased to the murder swap trio. i haven't mad any content for them at all but like#i spent my TIME and EFFORT into them. and they are cool ngl i really like their concepts#too bad swapinverse isnt seeing the light of day until goddamn 2026 or something because i cant be bothered to make content of it#oops! savior mania paranoia you guys are JUST FOR ME. just me only! nobody else gets to see you guys#or literally anyone else in swapinverse.... i love swapinverse.#they need to make the tag limit like 60 or something i have too many thoughts#quite a few too many times on my posts have i hit the limit and then had to choose#my tags trembling in fear as i pick and choose which to delete in order to make space for the fandom tags#tricule rant#i still have more tags time toRAMBLE!!! i love the idea of dust and horror having opposite ish souls#like dust's soul is PACKED with magic. like crackling and sparking and glowing purple with just how much he has in there bc of his LV stuff#i dont believe in the idea that dust suffers physically from LV or whatever because like. when has that EVER happened#its a cool idea though and i get to pick and choose which headcanons i believe in as god of these fictional characters and creations#anyways OBVIOUSLY horror's soul is dim and shriveled and looks like a fucking dead leaf. because lack of food lack of magic#even though he very clearly DOES have a lot of magic and shows it multiple times in horrortale.....#ok triglycercule you keep contradicting yourself. stop it. BUT THERES TOO MANY MTT HCS OUT THERE!!! AND SOME OF THIS IS CANON!!!!!#god the mttverse is gonna kill me one day too many interpretations TOO MANY CHOICES#anyways i just like that soul idea bc of the contrast. dust too much magic horror not enough. horrordust real#and then killer pulls up with his yn main character ass unique soul with stages#the GET OUT sound effect plays. anyways they all love eachothers souls and unique differences in them#everyday im reminded of the fact that killer is a little. just an EENSY bit more of a special character that horror or dust#he has too much shit going on someone assassinate him. preferably two fellas with names starting with H and D alternatively M#i love coming up with various sayings to kill/shut myself up. someone sedate me#i just remembered this dream where i say to my friend i hope ___ gets into a sticky situation#and then ___ goes into a bathroom comes out and then someone else says ___ WHY ARE YOU ALL STICKY#it was so funny i laughed myself awake. it was SO funny. i saw this person in school today
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a bit obsessed with the idea of kusakabe dying as a form of sacrifice to specifically protect/save somebody else. it's consistent enough with the theme of the past generation achieving no meaningful feats against significant threats but it's also ironic enough that someone without a technique and who claims their philosophy is primarily self-sacrificial - although he tends to stay from his own ideals in critical moments, proving he's not only brave when necessary but he does have a sense of responsabilty and guilt - ultimately redeems themselves through death resulting in the achievement of something his colleagues have failed to do. not that i'm wishing for him to die, i hope he doesn't. but it would also make a clear-cut distinction between him and a character like mei mei, who narratively serves a very similar purpose (besides her being a foil to nanami). to have someone be awarded by their selfishness just for it to not be worth much within a world and system that runs and sustains itself due to the sorcerer's labour power, whose only means of subsistence is to sell themselves away. a class of people who is doomed no matter what path they choose to take, as long as they do not break free from their duties and as long as the system doesn't collapse. a death that could serve as a symbol of punishment towards solidarity and altruism but a win for revolution.
#okay gege came for me when i said i didn't like kusakabe and now i'm thinking so much about him and his purpose in the story#why would he go against his own ideal and what is his purpose besides introducing questions like 'is self sacrifice noble?' you know?#so that got me thinking about him dying or suffering a big loss and how that would consolidate his character in my eyes#unless his purpose is completely different and i'm just deeply misreading the situation#if his purpose is to simply highlight personal choices and free will vs his generation's dogma#then i suppose him dying could serve no purpose but i'm not finding that side of the coin very straightforward or totally compelling#but again i feel like i'm failing to read him so maybe it is skill issue#anyway obsessed with kusakabe today awkkajwkaj feeling personally attacked by this twisted chain of events#gege really came for my ass after i was vocal about my kusakabe hate (which i feel like is dead at this point rip 🕊️)#which by the way is so mean. god forbid a bisexual do anything 😔 why can't i be a hater man?#also don't take this post seriously it's more about my mediocre reading of his character and my headcanons/wishes than a theory#i'm not trying to imply he will die or that there is narrative purpose in that#just that it makes sense in my brain if that's the case and the plan gege has for his character#but also he's literally the info dumpster gege probably wouldn't kill him because who will explain things to us 😂#he's like our amateur narrator i bet that gives him total plot armour#ps. maybe this is just my zero braincells moment#i just hate that i don't get it like i want to understand why he exists#but i'm aware that maybe this is a me thing and maybe everyone else just get it#and that makes me feel like that meme#let me iiiinnnn#okay bye
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#ooo boy- a . post#i never do these#is this how this works?#ANYgay. to any of my younger friends who feel like they’re falling behind or will never catch up#it hit me today that i got everything i wanted pretty much- realized it wasn’t for me- fought against it not being for me#& now i’m basically blowing up a huge part of my life at almost 35#it’s the weirdest feeling#it feels inevitable & like i’m finally accepting it wasn’t working#while simultaneously fighting like hell against the reality that said thing is actually ending#& feeling like a failure that i couldn’t make it work#that i couldn’t get my heart to fucking cooperate#like maybe i’m just a little broken- permanently#because most people would kill to have what i had#but it didn’t make me happy anymore#it made me feel- stuck. bitter. a version of myself i don’t like#just venting here but cut yourself some slack#take it from me: that dream of a perfect relationship- a perfect job- whatever your fantasy is#you’d be overjoyed it happened but life never stops#*you’ll* never stop- learning growing adapting changing#the proverbial finish line doesn’t exist#& sometimes what used to fit so perfectly it felt like a dream may start feeling like a straight jacket#i’m not saying don’t work at it#i’m not saying don’t try to get better- be better#but listen to that little voice#it doesn’t go away if you try to silence it#it doesn’t go away if you ignore it#because that voice? it’s you.#(reminder to self)#all that being said: everything feels awful & on fire today & i’m not saying maybe send me fun asks to distract me buuut-#will private later
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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Eleven is so funny, because he makes this Thing™ about "Grr, I don't want to be beholden to my future with the Scary Charismatic Space Lady" and then reacts to every single instance of River roasting him with the most charmed and eager expression you've ever seen on a man.
#to be fair. if a Scary Charismatic Space Lady who was extremely intelligent and in prison for killing me kept dragging ME at every#conceivable opportunity I would ALSO react like this. I would just be intentionally upfront about it from the very beginning lmao.#(yeah yeah I know it's the whole 'she died in front of me and it was really traumatizing' thing. just let me joke about being gay.)#mel screams about The Weird Little Space Show again#okay I am. done. with today's spree of doc/river posting#but I need everyone to know that. I love them.#and to remember that they exist. because I sure as hell will never let any of you forget
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ykw an entire love language is just. associating things to ONE being. only them! that concept? yeah that is Exactly One Being I Know. specific shade of that color? oh my god that's my buddy. a character? literally my bestie right there oh my goodness !! ^__^
#➳ the fool speaks#i just saw a fyo.dor pfp like smth on my edit account and i was like OH MY GAWDD !! [DISC FRIEND] !!!!!#the being also specifically liked my mu.u graphics and discord friend is also har.uka and f/os mu.u so it's so fitting too#and no disc friend does nawt have tumblr but like. if zhi did. that would have been it. pfp liked post and ALL#if i see a pic of minoai? that's two beings i know! that's their ship! it's real bc i know mino AND ai and they both f/o eachother! l#accidental l added to the tag and i can't edit tags on mobile oops#but mnai is nawt an l!!! will would kill me if i said that. mnai 🔛🔝 !!#and uu get the idea#and ok i only rlly gave examples for characters but this DOES also apply 2 colors and concepts prommy#also words#if uu show me a very specific shade of blue THAT'S SORA (disc friend mentioned above) !!!!!!! it is fucking BLOO. bloo-er than me.#actually no zhi is blue and red. nawt together but like. the concept of them both together.#hmmm nyeow that I'm thinking abt it only associations for zhir are coming up rn. is this bc they've been spamming my dms today.#smh I have nothing against the gays but y'all annoying god bless /ref /silly#ykw mentioning vaguely some tumblr mutual stuff too! iykyk ehe#pik.min in general#arc.ana twil.ight especially the pink bitch named breakfast (/ref) but also in general bc i know nobun else who knows it too#hrmmm... what else..... i know more than beings than sora will and the two awesome tumblr moots i just mentioned#oh! castle.vania#ok uhhhhhhhh damn it who else who i still talk 2 or interact with Literally At All fuck#all the things I'm thinking of are for beings whom I do nawt talk 2 anymore and all the beings I'm thinking of i cannawt think of one thing#specific for them#but y'all get the idea
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one of my bosses got me a norovirus exposure for my bday and the other got me a mental breakdown 🫠🙃
#fortunately the exposure did not result in me actually contracting norovirus..... its been 48 hours ya girl beat the case#however the mental breakdown was very much real#how do people actually get the courage to assertively and respectfully address someone and tell them when theyve hurt their feelings#like i go SO FAR ABOVE what literally anyone else in my job does#i literally went home after my birthday dinner and did a bunch of the work i missed during the day#because i was worried norovirus would kill me off and id leave him hanging#and i couldnt have done anything the day before because the modelling presentation i was prepping didnt exist yet#and he called me like 9 times today picking at everything i did and finding fault with the smallest things#and basically implied that it was my fault the presentation wasnt the way he wanted it to be and very condescendingly telling me#that it needs to be right because hes pressed for time#like bro youre the one who assigned a 5 day project to the analysts a day before you needed it#the corporate world since the dawn of fucking time: *rewards going above and beyond the same as the bare minimum*#me every time that happens to me for some reason: 🤯🤧😮💨😭#this has been clown posting with mallory have a good night! happy belated birthday to me
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i hate home
#the number of times i've spoken about how i hate being at home is a lot now#it's like my parents don't even treat me as a person who has her own schedules and routines and college work#when they want to go out i have to be okay with it#it doesn't matter to them that i have a test the very next day#this all started because of my dad#we hardly even go out nowadays and when he wants to he expects all of us to be okay with it#then my mom says she understands that i have to study but the moment my dad comes home she takes his side#and he literally said that he wouldn't let me go out anywhere with my friends and i shouldn't come to him if i need something#like wtf? what does he want me to do? die?#what is even wrong with her? she could have just taken my dad's side from the beginning#and today when i asked if i could go out with friends because the semester is ending he didn't allow me to#and when i was talking to him he starts seeing videos on his phone at full volume#he doesn't the basic decency#i'm literally talking and he pretends like he can't hear and continues watching the videos#i hate my life so much when i'm at home#i really think if i didn't have my sister in my life i would have definitely killed myself#my only motivation these days is to study well so that i can get a good job and then i can move out#so fucking done with my parents#i think there should be some tw in this post but i'm not sure what#hi i'm sorry if you read this but i had to get it out#nivi.txt
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