#that I proceed to do nothing with
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fucking love starset all of you fuckers should listen to starset
#their music is so fucking good#I just wanna crunch on it#it gives me so much writing inspiration#that I proceed to do nothing with#starset
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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
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Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)
This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)
I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)
Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!
Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!
He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!
Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.
Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:
I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao
Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)
Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:
He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.
To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.
Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)
A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~
The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D
No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.
I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:
He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)
And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:
Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:
Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)
whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now
I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE
#fanart#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#stanley pines#the love god#human bill cipher#human bill design#fashion design#comics#poor stan gets to find out his twin boinked a triangle when the love god shows up at the mystery shack demanding payment LMAO#cue internal panic for stan as dipper and mabel lose their collective shit over the fact that they now have a surprise new grunkle bill#the love god helps himself get paid by teaching the kids how to trap bill in his human vessel for the foreseeable future#bill is bewildered and pissed but also very much 'holy shit i have a FAMILY again??? neat but terrifying??????? what the F*CK do i do now'#he then proceeds to attempt to lovebomb his new family into being okay with the impending apocalypse#all while the three of them attempt to lovebomb HIM into giving up his plans for said impending apocalypse#then two days later ford shows up and is just like. what the ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING???#cue stan immediately screaming 'I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE THAT THING'S HUSBAND FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT SO F*CK YOU AND YOUR BAD TASTE FOR THAT!'#stan spends those two days straight dropping very sour hints that he's being punished for someone else's terrible mistakes#bill finds this absolutely hilarious and thus plays along - but not without dropping his own hints that ford is the FAR superior twin#dipper and mabel have ZERO idea of what is actually going on because the love god did NOTHING to clarify the situation#dipper is convinced that stan and bill are speaking in some kind of bizarre code that only adults can understand#mabel is convinced that the code is flirting - which means stan and bill are going to live happily ever after and have tons of kids + pets#NEITHER of them are prepared for ford showing up. not that they were in canon. but still. now it's even MORE crazy#'what do you mean we get TWO NEW GRUNKLES???' 'two grunkles in two days - gotta be some kinda record'#ford then has to decide if he wants to remain justifiably furious at bill or join the other pines in lovebombing him into submission#he then gets to learn that lovebombing bill works surprisingly well because that triangle is just The Biggest Attention Wh*re#the entire AU would just be ridiculous antics with a splash of billford#these tags are an abomination lmao
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goddd imagine Mortimer as a teenager💀🤚
Yeah let's not
#inbox#my art#mortimer mouse#sylvester shyster#disney#y'all stop making me draw him#this is your fault at this point#I got nothing to do with this#*proceeds to draw him even more*
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re: that last post i reblogged:
"modern watson would be a blogger!" outdated. modern watson would be an accidental tiktok influencer.
#come with me and share this vision: watson; depressed; in his 20s. spends his days miserably and endlessly scrolling through social media#especially tiktok because like have you seen what that site does to people. moves in with new rommate. new rommate is an enchanting weirdo.#watson with nothing better to do starts making content about his new rommate who can deduce all sorts of wild shit through little details#hes not too worried about letting personal details because he figures nobody will really see it and hes just incredibly enamoured with#holmes' eccentricities. his videos proceed to go viral. watson has now become an influencer. holmes does not have social media except MAYBE#an old tumblr account so hes not aware enough of whats going on to be really worried about it but he does know enough#about tiktok to go hm. i will amuse you watson because it makes you happy. but i will not like it.#violin.txt
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trying so hard not to start rolling around and freaking the fuck out like a 4 year old having a tantrum over dan and Phil m&g pics😭😭
#they make me insane#INSANE.#it’s moments like these where I realise how parasocial i am and then proceed to do nothing about it#I am parasocial as fuck#and not proud#dan and phil#phan#dan howell#phil lester#daniel howell#phandom#dnp
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today I am drawing the silly video game men again, tomorrow who can say what will happen!
#em draws stuff#team fortress 2#medic tf2#engineer tf2#merasmus#scout tf2#gettin' a little goofy with it today aren't we lads#...and house is sort of also there but he is Chunky Marinara at this time. think nothing of it.#there is going to be a part 2 of these because the silliness got a little out of hand#first of these is a text post (as you can see) second is from the tags of jon dxppercxdxver's 'they mangled house' fic#and third is from my own writing notes for a story that you may eventually get to read if things proceed swimmingly#it has been a long time since I drew all scribblescrabble and loose like this and I really think I ought to do it more
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I need to know, what would Renren do if Eli turned into a flip octopus
why he sliding towards it
#🥩FleshingOut: Eli🥩#he's taking them home and they can do nothing about it#'no thoughts' proceeds to have thoughts#i don't think he would flip them bc they wouldn't want to#Eli is going to die of boredom like this#probably Ren would take them out sometimes so they don't get bored? (now that i think about it this would be like having a pet rock)#but if Eli wanted to change back maybe Ren could find a way#strange situation...howdid we get here... still fun#silly squeaking time#okback to my enclosure 🍖
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31Oct23
Parmageddon Edition Some things, they just give you the ick: Like chicken not cooked makes you sick, Or protesting too much Theories no one brought up? And talking to fans like a dick.
#larry#louis#louis tomlinson#i know it's a week later#but i wrote this the day it happened and am still pissed#it's so obvious when it's orchestrated#he teases he's going to be on twitter for a chat#then proceeds to come on and reply to a fan's question#that had nothing to do with chickenstuffedwithmozzarellawrappedinparmaham#and bring up 'childish theories' when absolutely no one asked#it was planted to get the media clickbait stories about it#and tie 'childish' to the larry conspiracy for whatever new fans his team is chasing#or something#hell if i know#stop treating your fans like shit#i've been craving chicken parmesan since then#dude ... louis ... even larries aren't bringing up larry as much as you're bringing up larry#limerick-lt#october 31#2023
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Hehehe my ssd and memory card arriveeddddd
Now is to put on my IT gurl skin and figure out how to install
#also my state suffered some disasters so the site was saying it would arrive on july#and then proceed to give it to me in less than a week#i did my high school with technical education in computer science#but then covid hit and the hardware subjects were onlide#so basically i learned nothing#pray for my pc#i could got my boyfriend to do it for me but im feeling adventurous
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one minor breakdown abt election fears, and then onto chores and playing some gta. you know. as you do
#text post#I've been restraining the fear for weeks but i just lost it out of the blue this morning#im terrified and we've done what we can do ourselves and the rest we just have to wait and see#how my life and the lives of those i care abt the communities i want safe depend upon this#these tags aren't even making that much sense and i feel silly and like im begging for attention with this post#but i promise im not trying to do that i just. need to vent this out into the void#while i hope and plead and beg that we won't have to try and flee in the weeks after the election; if we could manage it at all#i finally have a life that i want to live enthusiastically and selfish as it is i don't want to lose it. I dont want to leave#but there's nothing i can do abt any of this beyond voting (done already!) and hoping and trying to proceed as normal thru life#so. im going to try and make transfemme ed in gta bc that seems like it might be fun. I usual rotate between making my character#look like my fave characters from various games and shows#haven't tried one for ed yet so maybe I'll give it a go#I don't know. i have to do something other than wallow any further this morning bc that's even more useless#than playing a video game for a few hours#sorry for the sad on main just. yeah
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kitakata sensei au stuff [from sept/2023]
#kuwagami#kuwana jin#yagami takayuki#lost judgment#kitakata sensei#jichanart#you ever look at two guys who do nothing but fight and go “ah... but what if they were... domestic”#anyway truly shocked that i dont see more kitakata sensei content out in the wild idk i think it's a fun concept#like hear me out yagami helps out the mrc like canon except he meets kitakata there and they proceed to have the pettiest beef ever#and a nice mundane enemies to lovers romance#like i love the high stakes of canon but having them fight over pointless shit is also good#yagami complains to all his friends about this dickhead he met at his volunteering work and then is forced to admit he wants to kiss him#“kiss” lol. fucking is also an acceptable option (and kaito will say it even if yagami refuses to)#also yeah i gave him his kuwana hair instead i'm not giving him that cringe ass canon haircut lmao#ALSO also kitakata sensei vapes on the school roof absolutely#ive thought a lot about this au can you tell#(looks at my unfinished fanfiction)
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lakings: GKGs per 60 📈📈 (10.10.2024)
(alternative title: are you darcy kuemper or today's date? because you're a 10/10)
#kings admin i adore you. i want to firmly believe youre doing this for me alone because i keep commenting about him#we get hands! big beautiful eyes! hair brushed back! up close and personal! HANDS!#wholesomeness aside. know that i'm thinking (a loud foghorn proceeds to sound for the next 10 minutes)#darcy kuemper#la kings#los angeles kings#35 nothing kuempers to you#kings
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"When you guys are playing and, like, we all got podcasts and there are big podcasts out there, you know, are going from series to series, and they're critiquing teams and what not—like, at the end, do you know who's chirping you? Do you pay attention to that shit? Do you know who's on your side? Do you know who's, you know, rooting against you? Do you guys pay attention to that kind-of stuff? I'm just curious." "Yeah, I think this might be the first podcast I've ever done—I'm not the biggest fan of podcasts to be honest. I think—I'm friends with that, you know, [Shane] O'Brien, and [Scottie] Upshall (2 out of the 3 cohosts of the Missin' Curfew podcast), I love those guys... so if they ask I would do it but... again they, I think—I think negativity flows through media so much that it just kind-of disgusts me and I want nothing to do with it to be honest. So I hate the negativity, I think it's crazy, I think negativity in media steers guys away from certain teams... it's like, 'Why do you want that?' right? So I don't know, I'm a huge fan of the positivity, finding the positives in players and not putting guys down especially in podcasts and stuff like that where it should be for the players, right? It should be a positive thing, something that we rally around. Especially as ex-players!" "Yeah! We're gonna pump your tires!" "That's it!" "Well, you still gotta be real though!" "No, I know!" "You know if you have a bad game—" "It's gotta be real! For sure!" "—You gotta be real! You can't fake out your audience either so it's still a business." "One hundred percent! One hundred percent, one hundred percent... and I get that but—Yeah, I mean, I saw all those Spittin' Chiclets guys all over Edmonton's bandwagon so..." "That really bothered you guys, eh? Like, I mean, you guys were paying attention to that. I mean, as evidence as well on what took place on the ice after the game... you guys weren't, like, fucking around, you were being serious, right? You guys—that really bothered you guys?" "Hundred percent." "What was it? Like, the most that bothered you about it? Just the fact that, 'Hey, you guys are rooting for them... why are you trying to celebrate with us?' I mean, was it—is it that simple?" "Exactly. Yeah, get the f—we won, get off... right? Get out of here. That's uh, yeah. I don't know, I don't want to be too controversial or anything like that. I'm a happy guy, I like everybody so... whatever." "They're all good dudes, man. Listen if they're into hockey and they're talking about hockey thats a positive one way or the other!" "Oh, they're growing the game! They're growing the game! Huge! And they're doing a great job and I've spoke with Biz [Paul Bissonnette] a few times and I know Whit [Ryan Whitney] (Cohosts of Spittin' Chiclets) and I've got no issues with any of 'em. Truly."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)
#aaron ekblad#florida panthers#i love when ekky gets petty i think he should be petty more often#“im a chill happy peace loving guy” NO YOU ARE NOT SWEETHEART LMAOOOOOOO#its the way ekky tries to portray himself and the way he actually comes off thats so special to me#matthew “we dont listen to outside noise!” vs ekky “i remember the names of all my detractors and will write them in blood”#“negativity flows through media so much that it just kind-of disgusts me and I want nothing to do with it to be honest”#said like a man who went first overall to a team that was basically seen as a suffering hellhole for years#and has so much negative media focused on him for fucking ages#“wow that really bothered you” “yep (refuses to elaborate)”#“so like what about THAT bothered you? (proceeds to sus out his feelings)” “exactly” ITS LIKE PULLING TEETH WITH THIS GUY#“get off—” you absolutely know he was gonna say “get off our dicks” oh you know he wanted to say it. thought about it.#and went i cant be that crass in public despite the fact im allowed to say fuck multiple times.#i would pay so much money to get a completely unfiltered conversation with ekky SO MUCH MONEY#unfortunately i think you should be more controversial ekky#say what you really feel baby!#i love the podcast that shall not be named slander like yeah ekky im glad we're on the same page about this#the whatever after he goes im a happy guy i love everyone you doing a great job convincing us this didnt affect you at all#i love ekky so much you dont understand
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i continue to find ii3 baffling. why did they make it (this isn't to hate on the season, i'm genuinely curious)
#melonposting#this isn't meant to be ii neg by the way. i'm just confused about AE's writing choices#i don't remember if they ever said explicitly? at the very least i haven't heard an official answer#i don't think it was initially for any plot reason. my theory is that it's for the same reason bfb and tpot split#the episodes were taking really long to make and they wanted to go back to regular lighthearted uploads. which is understandable#so while ii2 was cooking they could still post new ii episodes with reasonable frequency#but that also raises so many questions#the biggest: why the hell is mephone here#seriously i know people like mephone but i'm sure having a different host wouldn't turn literally everyone off#and mephone hosting this show causes so many strange easily avoidable problems#like the screwy timeline. mephone ditches his show for what he experiences to be years and yet ii2 is continuing like normal#only a day has passed for them. why? maybe they'll try to explain it#in any event if ii3 had a different host this wouldn't even be an issue#but then they made ii3 really plot heavy for mephone which then ended up screwing itself over#the season justified itself as being mephone trying to escape from his problems#and he goes through character development to address all of his baggage and how much of a jerk he can be#that suddenly makes what seems to have been meant to be a lighthearted offshoot season into an imperative piece of his character (bizarre)#which would inevitably make his return to ii2 really weird cuz that would mean he had his redemption arc basically off-screen#but then they didn't even do that????? in the new episode mephone is still his old bastard self. nothing like late ii3 mephone#which means that they're effectively retconning ii3's plot out of existence. as it is ii 15 barely acknowledged anything specific from ii3#but this in particular is especially absurd. ii2 can continue like normal only because they're acting like ii3 never happened#which is just insane to me. why even give mephone character development in ii3 to begin with???????#why does ii3 even exist????????????????????? his character development is literally the in-universe justification for the season#i'm so confused#i'm just glad ii2 can proceed like normal :thumbsup: but these are seriously some puzzling writing decisions
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One day everyone will realize how far I've fallen from being the greatest in academics and they will interact with me less and less for I can't give them answers no more and soon everyone will forget about the one who then crawled into a hole to rot and was eventually forgot. Haha.
#with only my brother and my only two real friends to accompany me#unfortunately they have their own lives#so I'll proceed with my own#pathetic as it is#god I'm just going go sleep this off#but that's what i always do#and look where i ended up#bro won't get it he won't under i need to be good at that subject even if i have to hide every time i failed in it#because if i have nothing they want and nothing at all#even i won't stick with me#i need to change...#but i don't know how and i never do it#am i depressed am i lazy am i directionless#just a loser probably#sunny's shitposts
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