#thankfully i can do that again this year
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okay damn im actually glad they did an official episode like this bc it's rlly reassuring the worries ive been having abt it
#and listening to it is reminding me to exercise.... im gonna start going outside to walk around more now#bc i rlly do eat too much fried food#and ive been getting too easily exhausted#it was easier when i still had face to face classes before the lockdown bc i really *really* enjoy walking n running around#challenging myself to climb up like 7 floors of the university building in 30 secs#i think i best i did was like 10-15 secs#and generally preferred using the longer routes bc then i get to exercise more#thankfully i can do that again this year#cause being unhealthy just sucks so bad
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I have the worst luck with nail salons dear grace, what I wanted vs what I got
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#radiorambles#first time was a couple years back they did a horrible job#flashforward today they did a worse job didn't do what I asked for and The guy that did my nails massaged my hands and MOVED MY SLEEVES UP#to MASSAGE MY ARMS the hands I get BUT MY ARMS??#dude had gell fused to my skin so it was stuck then took off half the polish and wasn't going to fix it like I asked#I SAID hey can you fix this I don't like how it is I was polite and this shit happens#I don't know if there was like a language barrier or ehat but I almost had a mental breakdown in the nail salon#thankfully the day got better me abd moons got boba and went to Barnes and nobles#it was a nice day but I'm still peeved about the nail thing#GUESS WHAT THEY CHARGED? 35 BUCKS#like??? i was supposed to get fake nails n' stuff not THAT#I hate it so much#my mom and sister were pissed#my sister does nail stuff as a hobby and shes REALLY good at it and then this professional place just this#I could do a better job on my own like what the fuck anyways ramble over I needed to get that off my chest again AAA
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erm…..posting about an OC via a rushed shitpost was not on my 2025 bingo card!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂get it??? 😂😂😂because his name is bingo??(GETS SHOT)
these are all things he has done or has attempted to do so consider this the full intro post for that freak for now. he’s still too undercooked to fully introduce but damn I love him
#pdbc#I love him. he’s the sole descendant of a royal family and. if you’ll pardon the pun. is royally fucking things up for himself#he could do so much in life and instead decides to be the next Gordon Ramsay……..such wasted potential#did. did I ever mention that part of him. his clan is called the Ramsay clan after all#he wants to be Gordon Ramsay sooooo fucking bad…….#big theater kid gone wrong energy from him#so many of my posts this year have been pdbc related. it Will happen again.#< (in my defense I’m working on other non-pdbc stuff !! but pdbc stuff is easy to make because I don’t have to think about it)#once I’m not so burnt out I’m really excited to design bingo….not even going to attempt to rn#I hate designing outfits but I’m actually looking forward to his bc he has a horrid mix of royal garments and astereotypical butcher outfit#speaking of butchers. butcher vanity? great song absolutely fits him. cannot stop listening to it#surprisingly him being like. a literal cannibal isn’t even all he does. that’s just a…little quirk of his#like ya’d think him eating people would be more important but nah. he’s a POET and a MAGICIAN 😤😤#I’d say he’s one of the most evil characters but…..kinda all of my characters are#sure bingo tries to eat people and bomb people’s homes but there are side characters who put acid in the water supply and aren’t punished#so bingo’s just par for the course honestly#the best thing he’s ever done is install an air conditioning unit. there wasn’t one before bc Mole (his mom) didn’t like them—#—which resulted in people keeling over from heat exhaustion a lot so. good job for fixing that bingo#it’s the bare minimum but that’s pretty good for him so he can have a round of applause for that#I think I might have mentioned Gerbombs in passing but I love them sm#they’re gerbils genetically engineered to blow up when pressure is placed on them#they’re adorable. thankfully they have no concept of death so they’re just chilling with no worries in the world#before you get sad. Sushi rescued most of the Gerbombs and now cares for them so happy ending#no Gerbombs shall die under her watch. I don’t think I could deal with it if too many Gerbombs died#although they’re called Gerbombs they’re actually more physically close to jerboas#they’re so cute. I should draw a Gerbomb sometime#(I should also probably rename them jerbombs considering they’re not gerbils but ehhhhhhhhhhhhh)
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college is kicking my ass
#SOMEONE HELO ME#i have 5 weeks left#Dear god#i’m so stressed over this stupid shit#summer break save me ..#i in fact did not take summer classes this year#THANKFULLY I JUST#couldn’t do it again lol#college#core core of me#AUGH!#just gotta get through it grind never stops!#please can it stop ………#emo yappin#marble hornets#LOL#jay merrick#i get it man
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Comm for @hirokiyuu of their OCs Yuujin & Leona!
I AM SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME A MONTH!!!!! CRIES THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!! And I'm sorry the draft i tried to send didn't work- I hope this is something like what you had in mind regardless. ^^;
EDIT I JUST REALIZED I LEFT OUT YUUJINS PIERCINGS..... i'll add those & modify the post in a bit 😅 dang it. sorry bout that
#i am about to go on a brief rant i apologize#I had to redraw this. three separate times. because the first program I did it in wouldn't export it at all (thankfully it was only a draft#but like wft right?) and then i had to do another draft & do the lines for the new one#and my dumb idiot ass ended up doing it in PHOTOSHOP for some reason. NEVER ANIMATE IN PHOTOSHOP IF YOU CAN HELP IT#i hate it. SO much. When i was doing my senior project a few years ago I told my advisors i was going to do it in flash. and i did.#but one of my senior project advisors was like 'you should do it in photoshop! it's better quality!'#and i had to restrain myself from being like 'i would literally rather die. you could shoot me and it would be preferable'#and i am remembering why I felt that way!!!!!!!! grits teeth#psa to all artists out there. dont. animate in photoshop. or if you do please let me know how you deal with no onionskin. ugh#anyway im sorry about that rant lol. im happy with how this came out and i hope you are too! ^^;#thank you again for commissioning me :) hope you have a lovely rest of your evening!#i am slowly. slowly chugging along again. i apologize once again for the wait on the comms
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my brain is so fucking stupid. I was bullied in fourth grade, my friends were like “actually erm we don’t want to be friends with you :/�� on the second to last day of eighth grade (even though we were all zoned for different high schools and would never see eachother anyway). And because of that my brain is, as my therapist and mother (two different people,) theorized, “hyper vigilant for any perceived social ostrichaztion”. The thing is it’s fucking stupid about it. Sure it has the generic “uwu your friends probably hate you secretly” thing.
But it also. Like: I’ll see a post that is somewhat negative towards a thing I like or a trait I even remotely identify with (including stuff as vague as ‘nervous’ or ‘writer’) and I’ll be like “yeah that makes sense” or “I don’t agree but I also don’t care”. But then my brain will repeat the negative phrase on loop for like a week. And will trigger physical reactions (crying, shortness of breath, etc) in response to it. I’ve actually had public panic attacks over things I give 0 shits about because my brain is a fucking helicopter parent.
#there’s one fic writer I love the work of#Who’s made a lot of good posts for a semi niche ship I like#And they’ve done nothing wrong but some of their posts (which again are not morally wrong my brain just sucks ass) have caused this#To the point I had to unfollow them#And a mutual reblogged one of their new posts that has the hallmarks of something that could cause this#(Reason I made this post actually. My thought is that venting about it will get my brain to stfu)#Thankfully since most of their stuff I look at is related to this ship so for now I’m safe#Because I’m currently fixating on oliretta and benslie ship wise (and in general I have rewatched like most of parks and rec)#(Within the span of a week. It’s a problem)#I’ve been on/off obsessed with this ship for like two (?) years so chances are I only have#Maybe four months to get my brain to calm the fuck down#vent#vent tw#vent post#mental health#mental health issues#anxiety disorder#Idk if this is a result of it but I do have clinical anxiety so that could be part of it#bullying#btw fuck people who say “bring back bullying” in response to people being cringe#Like that shit can effect people#And god forbid a teenager or young adult be confident about what they like#Instead of having issues likely caused by being treated like shit by their classmates when they were younger#stress#actually mentally ill#mental illness#actually anxious#bullying mention
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👼🗡️ toddiel, the golden sword of the inconquerable dawn. 👼🗡️
#brennan lee mulligan#fallen for you#just like art#love this boy#yes this is fanart of a 7 year old video#but in my defence: im currently recovering from surgery so i can do no wrong rn#also: i got surgery to hopefully help my chronic pain!! it was a minor surgery too thankfully so im all good rn#the hospital i went to had VERY good homemade mini margarita pizzas and that was basically all i ate there#fucking ruled actually#and the worst part of recovery should be over (excluding physio etc) so thats cool too! fuck crutches all my homies hate crutches#been using recovery as an excuse to get into traditional art again bc its easier to do than digital art after my surgery#turns out im bad at traditional art#i fucked up lining the first try of this and had to redo the whole thing. i then fucked up lining the second try near the end.#i then decided to try to save it.#you need to ignore the white out stains because there was no way i was gonna be able to attempt lining this a third time.#i then found out i have neither a peach tone coloured marker or pencil.#this fanart damn near broke me.#fuck traditional art. my heart goes out to every traditional artist.#so theres my life update!! v busy (i have fused to the couch)#hope youre doing good champ ily thanks for reading i love our lil chats
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it's always good to have a break. i don't know how non-music college compares, but music school is A Lot Of Work, constantly practicing, rehearsing, playing. lots of homework. there's also the mental and emotional aspect; being an artist you need to separate your art from your sense of self and self worth, and it's pretty difficult sometimes. not to mention, it is a competitive field, so there's always wondering about how you measure up to others, auditioning, if you'll even get the job or into the festival or whatever.
the past two semesters have been rough for me, even though i had a great summer in between, it was a lot of change (not just bc of first/second year of school) in a short amount of time and a lot of that change was bc i wanted it and it was on my shoulders to work to practice to prove i can do it. and i did! i can! i still have a long way to go, but i can do it. i often think or worry i don't deserve to be here, but it's reassuring to know that 1) lots of other people, even people i look up, feel that way too and 2) i AM here, so enough people who know what they're doing think i can do it, and who am i to argue?
however, to my original point, it is good to have a break. i love music, and i would not be doing this if i didn't. but i think i really burned myself out this semester, and as soon as i was on break, i stopped practicing at all for like a week and a half, and then after that i practiced only a bit at the end of the day just to play my instrument.
what i've been doing instead is sleeping in a lot, watching a lot of tv and reading lots of comics, and also just Reading and listening to music. i've also been drawing a lot.
it's good to take a break. i am a musician, and always will be, but i am also a person who likes to sleep and eat and who is obsessed with superman and likes hanging out with my friends.
#i'm in music school because 1) i love music 2) i want it to be my job#i am not a music machine#i am a human person#i honestly don't know how to avoid burning myself out again#there's things i can do better than last semester for sure#but i've burnt out every semester so far and even before that#i had good grades in high school i was and still am a good student and i need to stop valuing myself on that bc if i do i think i'll#accidentally kill myself#i was beating myself to shit for not being able to do things that are technically possible but practically impossible#and i still do but slightly less#i am a musician but i am a person and i think what i need to do is treat school slightly more like work#compartmentalize it a bit more#it helps that i've had a few gigs now which somehow relieves the 'im not good enough' pressure#im still not sure how ill ever make a living but for right now i very thankfully very luckily dont have to worry about that yet#and i AM slowly getting more and more work even if that work doesnt pay a living wage in the slightest#and its not like your career takes off immediately either#i think this semester i should talk to more grad students to talk about how their careers went#and i will be smarter about things#not that i wasn't smart before but i will be more efficient#disciplined etc#i am pretty disciplined already but like More.#something my teacher has also told me lol im a good student but im not in a career to be a student im in a career#to perform#bluebird.txt#back to my original point. compartmentalize.#i love art i love drawing i occasionally love writing music even though its also a bitch#i love that i can have these hobbies and be decently good at them and try on my own to get better at them#without it determining the course of my life#violaposting#um. happy new year? i'm just Marinating
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#feel free to reblog the meme if u like lmao#just leave the tags out#vent.txt#<- sorry just need to have a moment lmao#inflicted w the yearnings for romantic relationship yet again 😞 but so keenly aware of how much I’d have to unpack in myself to truly be a#part of it#like. I don’t trust people. I don’t confide in people. I tell them nothing about myself for years and years and I used to resent a little#that that was enough for them. that they didn’t NEED to know. that me loving and caring for them was enough. but it’s so silly because like#how can you resent people for not knowing what you won’t tell them. so thankfully THAT has passed#but it’s just like. there are so many issues. like I just CANNOT conceptualise myself as romantically attracted#attractive*#not even in a self deprecating sense it just feels like an immutable fact. I can’t imagine someone looking at me w romantic desire.#and it’s like. I honestly don’t know if I could let my walls down enough to actively love someone back like that#it’s so easy to love from afar. and hell haha maybe THATS because it’ll always be easier to love someone when they can’t know all of you to#love in return#but I just don’t know how I can do it. I don’t know how to view the risk as being worth it#and at the end of the day I’ll be okay if romantic love isn’t in the cards for me. you can live a happy life without#but ah fuck. sometimes the but I am so lonely.jpg hits
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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man having sa2 be ur first sonic game just puts a permanent slant on the rest of the series for u huh
#in a good way thankfully since so much of the rest of the series like worships sa2#it's cool to see all its stuff that got very glossed over finally be talked about and expanded on#but at the same time i Do get a bit tired of it... like can we do that for another game sometime too maybe#better yet can we just make a NEW game that's actually important and has a huge centralizing event like that again....#like i love sa2 and i love that they're doing all this for it. but also its been like 20 years and i think we could be doing other things
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Just had the thought I'll never dig my hand into Koda's fluff ever again
#He's been gone 3 years#And I don't often get random pains like this one#But I've planned to send a picture of him to my sister who's on the other side of the world#And so I've realized I have three years with of picture of sushi that I don't have for Koda#And that hits hard#I still have about 12 years of photos of him#And so many memories#But as I've realized I'm quite aphasique I realize I can't bring up his face in my brain like a lot of people can do#And I gotta rely on pictures#And I'll never feel his fur again#Thankfully I seem to still have that memory and can bring it up#Anywayyys didn't mean to cry in the rer
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Why do you think they broke up in 2016? I was a fan then and there was nothing to show they weren't together, especially with Jay's illness, Harry doing his album and doing Dunkirk and going to see her in between breaks, etc
i feel like there must have been some relationship issues occurring to account for the narratives in hs1 and walls. now i took a fandom break in 2016 so i’m not familiar with the ~vibes~ and what was happening during that time, but i felt like they were together in 2015 especially since the bears were around until early 2016. then we got hs1 in may of 2017 so songs like meet me in the hallway and from the dining table had to have been written and recorded in 2016 or early 2017.
** i wanna clarify that i do think they are currently together **
#obviously he could have written those songs from events that occured years ago#but when taken into account with louis’ songs and the 1d songs written at the time it at least makes more sense to me that it was after 1d#went in hiatus#i personally feel like they both were going through a lot with their family members being sick#the band ending#readjusting who they are outside of the band and who they want to be moving forward#and what that means for their careers and likewise their relationship#plus bbg was in full swing and i can imagine how stressful that must have been as well#so i do think they took some time apart to work on themselves in order to come back together and make their relationship work#they needed time and space#and thankfully it seems like it worked#as shitty as it must have been#now that could have been two weeks two months etc#so it’s possible we didn’t notice#but it’s just the year that makes the most sense to me with my interpretation of their songs and timeline#again this is all just ✨speculation✨#you could be right too anon!! what year (if any) do you think they took a break?
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Guess who finally hit Leo's PTSD arc in TMNT 2003 🎉🎉🎉
#orb ponders#tmnt 2003#I've been trying to binge this series on and off for 3 years help#I'm still only on s3#But thankfully the turtle brainrot is BACK and I can go crazy again#Also helps that I'm binging it and doing shit at work too#Multitasking king#Anyway Mikey my beloved#This post isn't about him I just need it known I love Mikey
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my lil dude binks is limping and idk why
wtf
#hes an old abandoned cat that me and my landlords sister took in back in 2017#we've tried to keep him inside only but its hard when they were used to being outside for so long#we couldn't bring him into either of our apartments because we already had other cats and they didn't react well to him#his sister died around this same time last year from unknown reasons before we could get her to the vet again#so I'm super worried cause he's old and they might not be able to do much if anything#he's the sweetest lil old man but he's also kinda stupid#he only has one brain cell and rarely uses it#I'm just hoping its not his back thats injured#or that he just has something stuck to his back paws and is just being dramatic about it#hes not bleeding thankfully#but at first it was just the one leg now its both#uhhhhhhgggggg#can i not have something bad happen for once#:(
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I miss my friends from highschool in oklahoma :(
#sometimes i think it would've been better if i had never moved away#they were really good friends i wish we hadn't lost touch#I've got like three actual close friends rn and im glad i met them but like. I've also lost a really close friend and it hurts#or at least I thought we were close ig it didn't matter much to him either way considering how easy he's found it to cut me out#but my friends back in OK would've been for life i know it. i lost my chance to have that close knit friends for years group when i left#and now I've been hurt and the close friends i do have i only ever see one because we're coworkers#i miss ashton and taylin the most#they always had my back even when i was being a jackass. i miss the comfort i had with them#I've had that with one person here and now he's ditched me for unknown reasons#i miss when I could trust that I would always have them to talk to#at least i do have friends now that i can trust to have my back again#so far I've got no reason to be scared I'll lose them too thankfully
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