#i hate it. SO much. When i was doing my senior project a few years ago I told my advisors i was going to do it in flash. and i did.

[doodleodds]

Comm for @hirokiyuu of their OCs Yuujin & Leona!

I AM SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME A MONTH!!!!! CRIES THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!! And I'm sorry the draft i tried to send didn't work- I hope this is something like what you had in mind regardless. ^^;

EDIT I JUST REALIZED I LEFT OUT YUUJINS PIERCINGS..... i'll add those & modify the post in a bit 😅 dang it. sorry bout that

[katstarry]

no one noticed

eddie munson x reader

part i

masterlist ☆

part ii | part iii

summary: being paired up for a project with eddie leads to a beautiful friendship, it's inevitable that you gain a crush.

warnings: PINING, slow burn, fluff, slight self-deprecating thoughts?, reader is an academic achiever/seeks academic validation kinda (self insert lmaoo), reader has long hair, the upside down doesn't exist here, lmk if i missed anything!

a/n: this is longer than i expected it to be, maybe i'll even make a small series of this :3 lmk if you guys would be interested!

feedback + reblogs are appreciated! ☆

the morning started out as it always does.

your alarm wakes you up, you get ready for school, say goodbye to your mom, and maybe grab a quick snack before heading out and driving to school. the usual routine.

it's your senior year, it's supposed to be the best year of high school. though, so far it has been very disappointing. you blame yourself for not being as extroverted as you hoped to be during your freshman year, now you don't have as many friends as middle school you had envisioned.

but you do have robin.

she's been your closest friend throughout the years, having met her in freshman year in the library, where you spent your lunchtime at, and you're okay with just having one close friend. you've come to peace with that. robin has been the bestest friend you've ever had, she's became a confidant, and you never have to put up a front with her. it's easy to talk to her, she has that sort of power somehow. what usually takes you a few weeks to become comfortable with someone new, it had only been a mere few days before being totally comfortable with robin.

as you walk into the school, you walk to your locker, seeing her right beside it.

"hey robin," you smile at her as she moves out the way for you, "good morning."

she returns your smile with her shoulder to the locker beside your own, one bookbag strap hanging from the other, "goood morning!"

you grab the materials you need for the first class of the day, "what's got you so happy this early?" you yawn.

robin shrugs, "can't a woman just be happy to see her best friend?"

rolling your eyes playfully, "of course you can!" you smirk at her, closing the locker and adjusting your bag on your shoulder, "...but maybe it has to do with a certain bandmate of yours?" you whisper.

she gasps, whispering back, "what! no. definitely not, definitely did not talk to her just a few minutes ago."

you laugh as the bell rings, signaling the start of the day.

"guess i'll see you at lunch?"

she nods, "can we go to the cafeteria today instead of the library? forgot my lunch today, woke up late."

you both begin to walk to the direction of your classes, "yeah that's fine, see you there!" giving her a side hug, you both go your separate ways.

it's now your class before lunch, history.

the day has felt longer than usual. you can't wait for it to be over and have your after school nap.

dropping your bag beside your desk, you sit and take out your notebook for the class.

the other students come walking in, he sits in his usual spot behind you.

you sit up straighter, god i'm so embarrassing.

usually, you hate having to have people sit behind you. it always feels like their watching your every move. of course, it's not true, but you can't help but think it. it's why you always sit in the back. but unfortunately, those seats were taken when you had walked in the first day of this class.

it's even worse when you think the person behind you is cute.

you move your hair to your shoulders, hoping it covers the sight to your notebook. you're just shading in the margins.

you look up when the teacher gets up from his desk, class is about to start.

"alright class, let's get started."

he walks over to the door and shuts it, and begins taking attendance.

"well, for today it'll be fairly easy. you won't hear me talk much today," the class let's out sighs of relief, the jocks who get along with him laugh playfully, "alright, alright. you won't be doing that after what i tell you."

oh no. you already know what he's about to say.

"we'll be doing a project! you'll be grouped up in pairs." immediately people begin to look at one another, already knowing who they want to be paired with, you look around, you don't really talk to anyone in that class. though, nancy wheeler has been kind to you, hopefully she'd want to pair up with you. but probably not, since barb and jonathan is in this class too. you can still hope though. any of them!

"before you get excited, i'll be the one assigning groups. it'll be at random."

now, the class really does let out sounds of disappointment and dissatisfaction.

"i told you, you wouldn't like it!" he laughs and clears his throat and goes back to his desk, grabbing a piece of paper and going back to leaning on his podium.

"alright, let's see here." he goes on to list the pairings, you anxiously wait for your name to be called.

please. please, please, pair me with nancy. or barb. or jonathan.

"nancy wheeler and-" please! "barbara holland."

well, okay. that's fine, who else is left? you'd been so caught up in waiting for your name that you hadn't kept up with who was called and who hasn't. jonathan! he hasn’t been called yet. please, please, please-

"y/n l/n and-" oh shit, that's you. "eddie munson."

oh shit, he's behind you.

the girl in front of you turns around and whispers to you, "good luck."

should you turn around? if you don't what if he thinks you're upset about being paired with him? you should probably turn around, the teacher keeps listing names, and you look back briefly.

he's already looking at you and you awkwardly make eye contact; you give a small smile and turn back around. okay that wasn't so bad right? dang it. you've tried your hardest to not talk to him. but if you think someone's cute you should want to talk to them, right? wrong. you never know what to say when you like someone, how can you even like someone without talking to them? you don't know, but it happened anyway. and now you're basically being forced to talk to him.

robin's going to love this.

"okay, now that you know who your partners are, i'll talk about what this project will be about. you and your partners will come up with a topic, it'll have to be a significant part of history. you'll make a presentation where both will have to speak in front of the class. you can bring in photos, poster boards, anything to aid the presentations. it's not necessary, but it could earn you extra points!"

he looks over to the clock on the wall, "... i'll give you until the end of class, which is about," he looks down to his wristwatch to double check, "40 minutes from now, to come up with a topic, come to my desk to let me know you've come up with something before leaving class, please."

clapping his hands together, he sighs, "alright! pair up!"

everyone begins to move to be with their partners, darn it. all you have to do is turn around. it's not that big a deal. as nervous as you are to talk to eddie, your grade matters more than a silly crush.

you turn around in your seat, grabbing your notebook and putting it in your lap. finally looking up you see him tapping his pencil on his desk, also looking up. the awkward eye contact again, awkward to you at least.

okay. maybe you can fail one project.

who are you kidding, your parents would look at you crazy if you came home with a failing grade.

"hey." you finally say, giving him another shy smile. god damn it why are you so awkward.

he nods, "hey." he leans onto his elbows, looking away, "it's alright if you wanna switch partners y'know? or if you wanna work alone, or something."

you look at him in surprise, "no! it's fine. i don't mind working with you, sorry if i gave that impression." furrowing your eyebrows, dang it maybe your nervousness made him think that.

he looks back to you, "really? i wouldn't want to bring your grade down, straight A student." he smiles. okay, now he's just messing with you.

you can't help the heat that rushes to your cheeks, so he must know about you then? how does he know that?

"funny that you think i would let that happen." you laugh.

he leans back onto his chair, arms now crossed on the table. "alright then, are you sure you wanna be my partner, then?" he looks at you, eyebrows raised.

"yes, i'm sure." you now lean on his desk, arms also crossed.

"do you have any ideas for our topic?" you grab the notebook from your lap, grab a pencil, and put it in between you both on the desk.

he sits up now, leaning on the desk, mirroring your actions.

oh no, he's close now, breathe.

he scratches the back of his neck, "uh... not really."

"alright, that's fine. uhm," you look at the clock, "we have about 35? 30? minutes, so we have time. we should just pick a few things and then we can pick the one we like best, yeah?" you write in your notebook, ideas, and underline it. you look back up and find eddie looking down at your notebook before looking back up as well.

"yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

you tap your pencil and bite your lip, thinking.

"hmm... we could do like the great depression or something." you murmur and write it down.

as you have your head down to write it, you miss eddie's panicked gaze. he's never really had much care for these types of things since usually whoever he's partnered with doesn't even bother talking to him and do it all themselves, doesn't even give him the chance to contribute. he quickly tries to think so that he can add something too.

"uh, the- what about the american revolution? or something? i dunno."

you look back up, "yeah! you wanna write that?"

you offer the pencil to him, "sure." he takes it, turning the notebook towards him, feeling a bit insecure about his handwriting compared to yours that's above his own. it isn't the neatest, and he never really cared about it, but he can't help it when you look at him like that.

the rest of the time goes by like that, going back and forth with ideas, your notebook page filled with both your handwriting.

"okay, we have like 10 minutes left. do you have a favorite?"

you tilt your head as you wait for an answer.

"uh," he bites his lip as he looks down at the list, "the invention of the printing press?" to be honest he just picked a random one.

"cool! i'm alright with that." you smile as you put a small star beside the idea.

"hmm... would you want to do a poster board? or anything?"

no, honestly he would not. but he looks at you and can tell that you really would, anything that would earn extra points, right? he smiles.

"i wouldn't mind it. i could buy the stuff for it." he doesn't have the money for it, but he'll just have to sell more of his stuff for it.

"really? no that's okay, i'm the one that wanted to do it."

"nooo," he gives you a pointed look, playfully scolding you, "i'll buy it. what do we need for that?" he plays with the end of his hair twisting it in front of his face. a nervous habit of his, you make him nervous. not that you realize.

"well, the board, some markers, we could use mine since i already have some, and some glue. we could print out the stuff we need at the library, once we find out whatever we need to print."

"alrighty then. we made a lot of progress today then, huh? i'm the best partner you could have! we're really an unstoppable duo, right here." he puts his hand up for a high-five.

you give him the high-five, ignoring the tingly feeling on your hand, and it wasn't from the impact.

"oh yeah, totally." you laugh.

"i don't like that tone." he squints at you.

"what do you mean? i'm serious! we are the best duo." you smile.

"alright, i believe you." he smiles and stretches.

the bell rings, and it feels like suddenly the day went by too fast now.

you stand and grab your things, writing your names on an index card and the topic for the project.

eddie stands as well, about to say something but you beat him to it.

"let's go turn in our topic."

he usually is out the door when they do this, okay.

you both walk to the teachers desk, you smile and give him the index card.

he takes it and looks up with a smile, "great topic!" he looks over at eddie, "hopefully she rubs off on you!"

you frown and look over at eddie, who gives him a sarcastic smile and nod.

you both walk out the classroom, "do you have lunch after this?" he asks.

you stop in your tracks, about to walk to the cafeteria to meet robin.

"yeah i do, do you?"

"yup." he smiles and walks beside you, making your way to the cafeteria.

"y'know i was always scared to talk to you." he gives you a side eye, before looking straight again.

"what? of me?" you look over at him incredulously.

"oh, totally. thought you were scary, y'know being a smarty pants and all."

ah, so he's messing with you. again.

"ha ha," you roll your eyes, though you're smiling, "very funny."

"you know those candies? what're they called? smarties? yeah, that's you."

"what? it's a candy!" you laugh.

"so? that's still you."

"okay, okay. i'm not that smart alright?" you shake your head, still smiling. you can't stop smiling.

he looks at you like you're crazy. "you're kidding, right? don't you have like, the highest grade in the class?"

you shrug, feeling shy. "could be better, though."

the cafeteria is in view now, and you desperately need to change the subject. "well, guess this is where we go our separate ways." you sigh dramatically.

"i guess so." he breaks eye contact and looks around, "you could uh, sit at our table. if you want."

"oh! uh... i wouldn't want to bother-" "you wouldn't be."

you smile at him and he swears he can hear his heat beating out his chest right now.

"thank you. but i was gonna meet with my friend robin. i'll see you tomorrow in class, though."

"right, yeah, that's fine. see you tomorrow." he opens the door to the cafeteria and dramatically makes way for you to pass through.

you wave him goodbye as he makes way to his groups table, you see robin at your usual spot.

oh you aren't going to hear the end of this.

[aerinaga]

can I request a Paige x jealous one year younger reader

wow, okay.

paige bueckers x jealous one year younger!reader

warnings: none

synopsis: paige and her colleagues are working on a project together. one girl, specifically kate, is being too close to paige.

you and paige have been dating for a while now, everything is going well. its just that you’re a year younger than her, meaning that you’re not on the same level in college. there have been ups and downs with communication, but its been going well for a while.

you were currently with ice and kk, hanging out together in the dorm while you wait for paige.

paige was currently in the study hall with her groupmates for a project, she’s been there working for 2 hours already.

the three of you were talking about the team, especially with the new freshmen and transferees in the season.

you noticed that its been a few hours since you heard from paige, you told kk and ice that you’d go see paige in the study hall. kk and ice were both protective of you, disagreeing that you would go alone.

the moment you arrive there, you couldn’t help but feel annoyed? jealous? upset?

paige was laughing around, smiling, and feeling giggly with her groupmate, kate.

you never really knew kate, except for the fact that she’s a bitchy flirt. everytime she saw you and paige, she would greet paige with such a big smile. and as for you, she’d just give you a small smile.

even kk and ice were irritated, they knew about kate and her asshead moves. they knew that you hated her guts.

the three of you were a few meters away from their table, one of their groupmates noticed. paige looked back to see the three of you with a smile full of sarcasm.

kk started clapping, earning questionable looks from the group.

“wow, okay paige.” you tell her, sparing her nothing and leaving with ice and kk.

you all decided to go for a chick-fil-a run, after being so fueled up by the view earlier.

“man, what was that? ain’t cool at all bro.”

“paige didn’t even do anything, thats just not funny.”

ice and kk grumbles around about what they saw, and you knew they were mad. it’s not funny if they’re pissed.

“i understand the fact that i’m not aware of what goes around in the senior community, but seriously dude? paige knows i don’t like her.”

all of you arrive back at the dorm, and the first face you guys see is paige’s face. kk gives her a disapproving look, ice lays a hand on paige’s shoulder, telling her to “man up.” before they go to their own rooms.

before paige even speaks, you tell her first.

“look, i understand that i’m not on the same year level as you. we have different communities, but seriously paige? you KNOW that i don’t like her. i get that you’re groupmates but really dude? do you have to entertain her every second? did you even get any work done?”

paige stays silent, a look of guilt on her face.

“i know that you don’t like her, i do my best not to get entertained by her, but i don’t want people to speculate. i don’t want any issues going around, you know i hate that.”

you don’t say anything to her, you left their dorm, going to your apartment.

you didn’t wanna see her right now, especially when thats all she responded with.

its 9pm now, you were in bed, scrolling through tiktok. you heard your door open, wondering who it was. your mom, paige, and ice had the keys to your door. you got up, went to the living room to be greeted with paige. paige had a bouquet of flowers in her hand.

you can’t deny, she looked hot. a low messy bun suits her so much (i’m a sucker for that).

“oh hi. why are you here? its late, paige.”

“i shouldn’t have entertained her, and importantly, i shouldn’t care about what people say. i promise it won’t happen again, i won’t entertain her anymore. i’m sorry, baby. i really am.”

you pause for a moment, you didn’t know what to say. your anger from earlier was still lingering around, you won’t just fully forgive her.

“yea, okay. you can sleep here tonight, its late anyway.”

you head into your bedroom, getting comfy under the comforter. you feel the other side of the bed being filled up with your girlfriends scent.

your back was facing her, you didn’t bother moving one bit. you were falling asleep.

paige was still up, scrolling through her phone. she couldn’t sleep at all, knowing that you weren’t in your best mood just yet. it was already 2am.

you woke up from music coming out of paige’s phone. she must be watching tiktok. you turn to face her, still half asleep.

“love, go to sleep. its so late” you mumble, wrapping your arms around her waist as you fall back asleep.

paige turns her phone off, laying down properly so that she could hold you in your arms.

“i love you always, baby.”

she whispers, kissing your forehead.

[jiminiecrickets]

HONEY POT. PJM / KTH / M!READER

summary. there's something wrong with the popular kids at this small-town high school. something deeply, viscerally, hauntingly wrong...

wc. 8.8k

tags. smut | top!reader, bottom!tae, switch!jimin, jimin in skirts and heels, voyeurism, multiple orgasms, biting, spitroasting, brief daddy kink (r. receiving), gratuitous blood/gore, blood as lube (from another wound), cultism & religious fervour, cannibalism, murder

note. happy halloween!! i began this in early august to be on time, but uh, we know how that turned out :')

"—and i was like, no, that isn't how this works! i'm literally the best he's ever had, why would he ever wanna break up with me? i even bought him that stupid walkman he kept whining about and he still went and cheated on me and then tried to dump me. me! how could he?"

"well, he was already on his way to being a forty-year-old junkie who lives in a trailer park and hates life. he could've had so much with you. he'll realise how much he messed up – he'll get his karma."

"i know, i know... you're right. i just wish he could've been nicer. could've saved us both the trouble."

jimin lifts his soft dark eyes from his pink handheld mirror. he smacks his glossy lips and shuts the mirror with a clack, crossing his legs the other way and leaning back against the steps of the steel bleachers. he glances up at taehyung, who sits one step above him.

dressed in a cropped, pale pink shirt and blue jeans, taehyung fans his hot face with chunky rings on each finger, eyes lifted to the sky in a futile effort to hold back tears. jimin had already helped him redo his makeup in the bathroom, and this wasn't the first time taehyung had cried over a boy. poor thing just had too big of a heart – he wasn't made for modern boys and their vices.

jimin sucks on his teeth and sighs, turning forwards to lord over the verdant grassy field, where the senior boys are engaged in tryouts for college football teams. "don't worry, honey. we'll find the right one for you eventually. maybe try an athlete? the artsy ones are always such snobs."

"oh, they aren't all that bad, really," taehyung mumbles, patting the corners of his damp eyes lightly. "anyway, they all want you, not me. they're not into anyone who isn't a cheerleader."

"you're being silly. they just don't think you're interested – you keep rejecting them." jimin scours the field, tucking his dark hair behind his ear. a diamond stud flashes under the sun. he reaches out and touches taehyung's knee, leaning in for secrecy he doesn't need. "how about that one?"

"he called me a sour bitch. no."

"and that one?"

"he made me do all the work on a paired project and took my ninety-eight for himself. no."

jimin purses his lips, eyes flickering between their faces, warm and shining under the sun. all around, they looked quite similar – all fairly muscular, with the same lazy grins. not bad for eye-candy, he supposes, but taehyung is a romantic, which is how anyone he dates manages to bury themselves so deeply in his heart.

motion by the changing rooms on the other side of the field. jimin's eyes flick over naturally, and they widen.

strong, handsome, and, most importantly, taehyung is already looking at him.

he keeps his watchful gaze discreet, following the figure as he crosses the field and joins the coach to speak with him briefly. he is handed a football, which he tosses and spins in his hands a few times, and the coach gathers a few lounging boys to help out.

they spread out, and the tryout begins.

jimin isn't an expert on the game, only knows the basics, but he knows how to read a man – and the coach is clearly impressed by what he sees. jimin observes quietly, crossing his legs and uncrossing them, as he runs circles around the rest of the boys, leaving them far in the dust.

at last, when the boys are huffing and puffing with their hands on their heads and the cute one takes his time wandering back to the coach – after meeting jimin's eyes for a quick, sparkling second – jimin turns his head in taehyung's direction.

"what about... that one?"

taehyung huffs, pressing his knees together and resting his elbows on them. jimin doesn't mention how his gaze flicks to his shoes before meeting jimin's, almost as if he didn't want to be caught looking. he gives the footballer a once-over, then inspects his nails. "too tall."

jimin watches him push back his cuticles with his thumbnail, those thick dark lashes brushing his fine cheekbones. his prettiness makes him a honeypot for invariably bad people, and though jimin feels for him, he can't say he wants him to stop trying. everyone has their place in the world – even cheaters and liars. taehyung's relationships make it easier to weed them out for proper atonement.

"are you sure?" jimin asks carefully, tilting his head. "he looks like just your type."

"i don't have a type," taehyung sighs. "if i did, it'd make finding people that much harder."

eventually, jimin hums, and turns away to watch the tryouts.

out of sight, taehyung's shoulders slump slightly, and he exhales shakily. he nibbles on the edge of his nail as his eyes follow a figure lifting a water bottle to his lips. his sweat-shining throat bobs as he swallows rapidly, and a trickle of water escapes from the corner of his lips; it trails down his neck to soak into the collar of his shirt. he wipes it away without much thought. taehyung presses his thighs together.

suddenly, jimin turns back to him, propping his chin on his palm. his eyes are big and innocent as he asks, "hey, tae? you know that ex we were talking about earlier? i want his address."

"o-oh, um – just to make him sorry, right?"

"yeah. he will be."

taehyung swallows. "yes. okay. is it bad that i feel... that i pity him?"

jimin giggles, sweet and high like a bell. he squeezes taehyung's knee. "you're my best friend. i'm not going to let anyone get away with hurting you. you know that."

"mhm, i know. just make sure nobody sees you, alright? i don't want you getting in trouble for vandalism or something."

"oh, my charges would definitely include more than petty vandalism, but you know me – i cannot be caged!" he jumps to his feet and stretches high above his head, his shirt riding up to expose a sliver of pure, unblemished skin. the way he scrunches his nose slightly makes taehyung's heart flutter.

he exhales softly as his neck cracks, and he flashes taehyung a quick smile as he packs up his pin-studded messenger bag and slings it over his shoulder. "you can give me his address after school, but don't leave it too late. don't forget about the curfew. i have to go for now, but you make sure you take care of yourself, okay? if you feel too sad to study, i'm sure my mother would let you go home early if you asked."

taehyung hums and nods, leaning forward on the bench as jimin skips down the bleachers until his ivory pumps make a satisfying clack on the concrete base. "your nepo-baby status is really helpful sometimes, y'know?"

jimin beams, his eyes crinkling to crescents. "i know! see you around, honey. love you!"

"love you," taehyung echoes, and watches him go. his all-white outfit makes him as bright as the moon, and just as breathtaking. effortlessly, he carves a path through the crowds like moses and the red sea, perfectly oblivious to the power he wields over them all.

taehyung sighs and turns back to watch the tryouts, and that one special player right in the middle. just as he wishes you'd come and cheer him up, you glance over, grass stains on your shorts and a new bruise on your knee. as you meet his gaze, the biggest grin splits your face. you wave with your whole arm and taehyung giggles to himself, hiding his warm cheeks behind his knuckles as he lifts one shy hand.

his heart races. for you, he'll keep up this masquerade. this was a dangerous neck of the woods, and he wouldn't let anything steal you away – not even jimin.

he's waiting patiently for you at the edge of the field when you finally manage to break off from your mates. his slim fingers dance lightly over your arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. as quickly as his touch arrives, it vanishes, his arms once more wrapped around his body like a hug.

"hey," he greets softly.

"hey yourself," you reply, amusement light on your tongue. "i saw you earlier. i hope you didn't get bored watching me chase after a ball like a dog."

he huffs. "what are you saying? dogs are cute. you were cute. i like seeing you bound across the field – you make for some especially tasty eye-candy, sweating and panting like that."

"do i, now?" you say playfully, leaning against the steel fence. he leans in too, matching your smile with a pretty, half-bitten one of his own. his lashes flutter as you tease a kiss, the tip of your nose brushing his cheek. "next thing i know, you'll be begging to lick me up."

he clicks his tongue, turning away from your almost-kiss in half-assed defiance. "tch. here i am, trying to be sweet, and you ruin it all. boys like you have only one thing on their minds."

"hey, you started it! besides, are you telling me you wouldn't wanna taste of my lollipop?" you smirk, gazing at his side profile. he's drop dead gorgeous, all full lips and big eyes, and you could easily while away your days doing nothing but admiring the symmetry of his features.

taehyung rolls his eyes, but there's no heat to it. he sniffs. "you wish. you wouldn't last long enough to enjoy the view."

you place a hand over your heart. "careful, pretty boy, or you and your mean insults could remain part of me for a long, long time. words hurt, you know?"

"what do i have to be careful for? you like me too much to do any lasting damage to me. it's nice, really. nice to know you love me – in your own, silly little way." he pokes your chest, and you catch his hand in yours and lift his knuckles to your lips. the ghost of a kiss shivers over his skin.

"silly?" you parrot, returning his hand to him with a knowing look. you rest your hip against the top of the chain-link fence, casting a glance casually over the field. "you think my acts of love are silly?"

taehyung hums, leaning over and grasping your chin. he turns your face towards him. "'sweet', then – that's probably a better word for it. none of my exes ever did what you do for me. not even close. i'm sorry, baby – please don't pout."

"i'm glaring, actually," you huff. "this is my glaring face."

"don't, you'll get wrinkles," taehyung chides. he glances around, and swiftly, like a little bird, flits up on his toes to press his lips against your cheek. in the blink of an eye, he settles back into place on his side of the fence. he sighs, and a sudden weight slumps his shoulders. you straighten, turning towards him properly.

"he noticed you," he says, his voice lower than usual. "pointed you out to me as a potential boyfriend."

the smile you were wearing drops like a stone. "he did?"

taehyung doesn't trust himself to speak; he nods instead, staring at his shoes.

"well," you say, at a loss for words. "i mean, he's tiny. what's he gonna do to me?"

his head snaps up and the intensity of his gaze catches you off-guard. "don't underestimate him. you can't. he – he can do more than hurt you. he'll ruin you.

"no, no – don't roll your eyes," he snaps. "i know, i sound paranoid, but you haven't even been here for six months. you haven't seen what i've seen." his focus flickers to your surroundings, and he seems uncomfortable even when he leans in to whisper. "please. keep away from him, don't tell anyone about us, and for the love of god, stop visiting my house after curfew. he's whip-smart – he notices it once, he'll catch on like that." he snaps his fingers. "also, we have a change of plans. mark's off the table – jimin wants him."

at that, the corners of your mouth turn down. you cross your arms. "not if i get there first."

"baby – baby, look at me. you can't risk it."

"fuck," you hiss between your teeth. you clear your throat and wipe the expression off your face, flawless neutrality taking its place. it still simmers under your skin, but it's always easier to sweep something under the rug than clean it up. "fine. i can bring a friend over tonight instead. it'll be easy enough – these sheep will follow me anywhere. we can... have him for dinner."

taehyung's eyes glimmer, the hint of a smile playing at his lips. the worry's sloughed off his shoulders for now, and that's as good as you can hope. "i've always loved your lamb steaks. i've been waiting for this – for you. i'll be at yours by seven sharp."

"wear your pretty clothes," you hum almost offhandedly as you survey your fellow students. there's not a care in the world in those empty heads. "something black – and sexy."

taehyung flicks his bangs out of his eyes. "everything i wear is sexy. you'd do well to remember that."

"yes, dear."

—

his hands shake. that oil-heat, sweat-sheen, bone-crunch. his breath rattles through his lungs like the tongue of a too-small bell.

the weight of the kitchen knife in his hand is too much – he lifts it, and it tilts forward dangerously, trembling in his red-wet palm. the silver glimmers and flickers under the yellow shed lights.

a warmth behind him, a sturdy presence – tender hands slide down his arms, tracing him from collarbone to wrist like a delicate porcelain doll. they fold around his slim fingers, big scarred knuckles too worn to be a boxer's – they wear gloves for protection.

"split the skin shallow, so you don't pierce the meat," you murmur, your breath hot against his ear. you guide his hands with your own, slowly pressing down until the pop of released pressure signifies the beginning of the cut. "all the way down, just like that... good. you slip the knife under the skin and peel it back, making a scything or slicing motion to cut the membrane. long, slow strokes to control the angle of the blade. you want the meat nice and lean."

the night is still and silent outside, not a cricket or dog to be heard. the rushing of taehyung's pulse is loud enough for them all. he can feel your excitement against him – the quickened breathing, the thudding heart, the hitched gasp when his grip tightens on the knife and steadies.

"perfect," you croon in his ear, an undercurrent of a growl echoing beneath your words. "take your time. i want your first time to be..."

you shift against him, and he feels something prod his backside. he bites down on the inside of his cheek to silence himself and takes a deep, shaky breath, pressing down with the knife. sinew and muscle part easily under the sharpened blade.

"it's easier," he whispers, barely a breath, "than i thought it would be."

"you're doing very well, but remember, i'm guiding you. you won't find a better person to teach you."

your hands are big and knowledgeable over his own, each arc of the knife steady and precise. the blood warms his skin up to the knuckles, but it pales in comparison to your own, smeared up past your wrists in a deep ruby red. a bucket by the leg of the table is full of gore, intestines wrapped around a bladder and stomach and hacked-off chunks of fat. it was a job too bloody and slippery to give to your pretty shrike.

"this will be your steak," you hum, stroking the heavy, lick-wet cut of meat almost reverentially. you press your lips to his shoulder, then to his temple. he can feel your smile against his skin. "perfect knifework. it's almost as if you've done it before."

"well, it's like you said," taehyung breathes, gently placing it in the metal bowl at the top of the table. a secondary bowl beside it is already filled with some lesser cuts of meat, which you'd done to kill time before his arrival. "there's no better person to teach me."

he turns around in your arms, carefully linking his bloodied fingers behind your head. he noses your jaw, his lips brushing over yours. the strappy black top he wears clings to him like a second skin, and the gap between it and the top of his pants reveals his toned stomach, flexing now as he presses his hips against your thigh. he whines softly as you knock his knees apart and slide your leg between his with a teasing grin.

"no need to play coy, beautiful," you purr, digging your palms into the edge of the table. "if you want it, just ask."

"but where's the fun in that?" he gasps as you nip the soft skin of his neck, canines making reds and purples bloom across his sun-kissed skin. "o-oh – y-you know you shouldn't do that, baby. not so high."

with a furrowed brow, you growl softly, slowly rocking your thigh against him. "rules, rules, rules... why does he dictate your life like this? scared of being tossed aside?"

taehyung shakes his head, his head falling back with a moan. for someone who doesn't like being marked up, he sure does make it easy. he exhales as your breath trails up his throat and over his jaw. "he's not. he doesn't."

"yet you pretend as if we've never met when he's around, and you don't say anything when he forbids you from working with your hands. he thinks you should stay clean and pretty because he likes it that way. he holds you back, and you let him."

you punctuate your words with a fist around his throat, slowly pressing in. the flush that'd dusted his chest and neck while working the knife spreads to the apples of his cheeks, sweet and shy. his breath catches, and he looks up at you through the dark forest of his lashes.

you can almost understand jimin's rules. someone as beautiful as him shouldn't need to mar his skin with stains and calluses. that he still desires it – desires to delve deep into the marrow of mortality, watch it squeeze out between his knuckles – turns your stomach, in sickness or adoration.

"i'm sorry," taehyung nearly whimpers, panting short and shallow as his blood-slick hands scramble at your shoulders and chest. his eyes are black with lust and his pulse throbs under your fingers. "i know. i just don't want to upset him. i care about him."

you don't look away when you grab one of his hands, resting over your heart. you lift his knuckles to your lips and, under the heavy haze of hunger, he watches as you wrap your lips around two of his fingers. your cheeks hollow, and your tongue swirls slowly around each joint, as if savouring more than the iron taste.

he swallows thickly as the hand around his throat shifts, less to choke and more to pull close. his heartbeat thuds at the back of his throat.

pinned between your body and the table, the tiny shed door locked behind you, he realises suddenly what it must feel like to be your prey. you have a visceral animal strength about you, muscles like steel cable wound tight, always on the brink of snapping. only the patience of a tiger in wait keeps the mask from slipping, breaking.

your canines graze his finger, held firm in the heat of your mouth. the look in your eye says it wouldn't take much to release that perfectly wound tension, to let the slick nubs of your teeth open him up.

the look in his eyes invites you to.

eventually, you pull away, a satisfied smile splitting your face. you crush your lips against his, nicking his lower lip, and he moans at the warm iron flooding his mouth. greedily, your tongue laps at the stinging cut.

"fuckin' perfect," you husk, gaze flickering down to the red smeared over his throat and jaw, then further down to the obvious bulge in his pants. you snicker. "hm. need help with that?"

"please." he reaches down, as if to undo the buttons right there and then.

you grab his wrists and tut. "sweetheart, not over our dinner. you know better than that."

he groans. "it's your fault for driving me crazy!"

in response, you just laugh and grab the bowls of steaks. it's a surprisingly light sound even though you were ready to eat him up mere moments ago. "come on, then. we've got all the good cuts already. head in and put these in the fridge; i'll deal with the carcass. i'll be quick, i promise."

"you better be," he mutters, loosening the latch on the door. "i'll kill you otherwise."

when you open the door to your bedroom, halfway through drying your hands on a tea towel, you are greeted by the sight of an angel on your bed, long slender legs spread just for you. you toss the towel onto a nearby chair and lean against the doorframe, crossing your arms. you let out a slow, appreciative wolf whistle, smirking when taehyung's eyes snap open and he bolts upright. he relaxes at the sight of you, one hand already slipping back between his thighs.

"you're not much of a gentleman, leaving me alone to entertain myself. you have to make it up to me."

"demanding little thing." you click your tongue, leaving the door open and approaching him on the bed. he leans back against the piled-up pillows, sighing softly as his fingers slip back inside himself. they do so with whorish ease, and the smoky darkness of his gaze is smug.

a challenge, then? you can do that.

your fingers glide over the back of a chair, slow and thoughtful. you drag it to the end of the bed and straighten it to face him. he shivers slightly in the warm night as you take a seat, leaning back and spreading your knees. one hand rests casually on your leg and the other props itself up on the armrest, curled in a loose fist.

he pulls his fingers out slightly. you snicker at the confusion in his flickering gaze. "what are you getting up for? i was just getting comfy."

"i—" he falters. almost indifferently, his fingers glide in and out of himself, keeping himself hard while he gathers his thoughts. "but you promised you'd fuck me tonight... killing always did rile you up, red-blooded beast that you are."

"beast?" you parrot, exaggerating a pout. "aw – and here i was, thinkin' i was more than an impressive cock to you." you run your thumb over your nails, your eyes flicking to his open legs and sticking there as he pulls his fingers out to pump his dick twice, thrice. his hand travels back down. "no. i promised no such thing. after all, you've got a date with your pretty boy tomorrow, yeah? don't want him wondering why you're so loose for him, do you?"

he whimpers softly at the mention of it. his fingers dig deeper inside him, upping the pace, and his cock pulses with need. "n-no... i-i mean, i could just say i got a bigger toy..."

"oh, no, sweetheart – if you like a man, never tell them your toy is bigger than them. 'specially them rich types. they bruise easily." you sigh softly, thumb gliding over the edge of your jawline. his twitching cock blushes under the hunger of your gaze and his hole clenches. "you'll just have to wait it out. patiently."

"but i want you." he gasps, the wet squelch of lube making everything ten times dirtier. his breath quickens and he adds a third finger, shuddering at the stretch. "ah– baby, please, i've already been doing this for ages—"

"i didn't ask you to."

"your fingers are thicker than mine," he whines, eyes growing big and ever-so-slightly teary. he's good, you'll give him that. the slight lip tremble, the shaky breaths. you could make him cry properly. he's always been a pretty crier. you wonder if his eyeliner will run.

he sinks his fingers in until the knuckle and he moans, bucking onto his fingers. "god, won't you just fuck me already? why touch yourself when you can touch me? i can see how hard you are!"

you lift your hand off the bulge in your jeans and undo your belt teasingly, thoughtfully – as if you might take him up on that tasty, tasty offer. you lean back in the chair and exhale softly as you free yourself from the confines of your underwear. your cock taps your stomach and taehyung keens, unable to tear his eyes off of it as you wrap your hand around its base, stroking shallowly.

"w-wait," he gasps, beginning to pull his fingers out, "wait, i wanna – let me—"

"no," you say sharply, movements halting. "sit back. i didn't tell you to stop."

"but i can—"

"taehyung."

he quietens, chastened but obedient. he gnaws on his lower lip as his hand returns to its rightful place. he quivers as he watches your palm smooth over your tip and slide back down, precome bubbling from the slit. he can feel his own smearing over his bare stomach, hotter than his warm skin.

instinct takes over. over and over. over and over.

he's such a good boy for you – he's wasted on a creature like jimin. then again, are you really better than him? just the same, you've denied him his basest needs. to part flesh with steel, impart bliss with lust – you've just dropped one piece of control for another.

no. you can be better. you are better.

taehyung gasps sharply as you all but lunge at him, pinning him to the bed by his throat. his golden hair haloes him on the crumpled white blankets, like a gilded apollo so gently posed against marble. he blinks slowly up at you, eyes soft with worship and dark with desire, and kisses the thumb tracing the cupid's bow of his lips, a hand curled around your wrist. the other reaches for you.

you groan softly as he pumps your cock, twisting his wrist expertly. your belt buckle clinks and he giggles, eagerly reciprocating your greed. he hooks his legs loosely around your thighs.

"and you were the one preaching patience," he hums as you lean away to tug your shirt over your head. it gets tossed into a corner without so much as a glance and taehyung flushes at the view, half-lidded gaze raking every inch of revealed skin like a man starved. "oh..."

"how many times have you seen me shirtless?"

"not enough." he grabs your hand and pulls you into him, his hands locking behind your head and tugging you into a heated kiss. "you're also not bloody enough for my liking."

without waiting for a response, his teeth clamp down in the junction between your neck and shoulder, where the meat is soft and muscle is taut.

pain blooms like a shard of ice, sudden and sharp. a decisive movement, it left no room for bruising. taehyung groans, guttural, and digs his teeth in deeper, if only to keep the wound open for longer. his fingernails print stinging crescents into your biceps and he whimpers, eyes rolling back, as you shove his head into your neck, forcing the blood down his throat.

melting heat and iron, the sharp tang dissolving into sweetness – his tongue laps at the oozing wound, the arc of his teeth imprinted forever into your skin until the white of your bones will gleam under the midday sun.

when you allow him to pull away, his eyes are black, dazed and blissful. he smiles from ear to ear, teeth red and stained down the chin and throat, and crushes his lips against yours, tangling your hair in his grip and moaning sinfully loudly. his cock throbs, crushed between your bodies, and he bucks against your shaft, the vein on the underside catching against the ridge of your tip with a shuddering bolt of pleasure.

"i'm yours! i'm yours, all yours," he whispers fervently, obsessively. his tongue swipes over his lower lip, the oily heat marking him just like a sheep bloodying the muzzle of a wolf.

he smiles. he laughs. he presses your foreheads together, his stomach slick with his orgasm, and kisses you again, this time sitting upright in your arms.

"you're good to me. so, so good to me." he leaves the print of his lips against your throat and jaw like a jealous girlfriend, your own blood a perfect valentines' red. "fuck me – please? or i could suck you off, if you're still worried about tomor—oh!"

you flip him over and pull his hips towards you, slotted perfectly between your thighs. his own shine with excess lube and you push your cock between his plush thighs, thrusting impatiently to coat it. over his shoulder, he watches, wide-eyed, as you drag a few fingers up your chest towards your shoulder – towards the red bite mark leaking down your chest.

you smear the blood on your cock. taehyung's core throbs – his back arches. he nearly screams as you yank him onto your cock, burying yourself hilt-deep in not-enough thrusts. his mouth falls open as the burn sears its way up his spine and caresses his brain. he swears he can feel you in his throat.

"fuck! fu-fuck," he burbles, crying out as you set a steady pace, your hips slapping against his ass. you push his knees together with your own and his eyes show their whites, mouth open in a perpetual moan. he buries the chants into the pillow, staining it with blood, and his knuckles whiten around fistfuls of blanket as your cock scrapes his insides so deliciously, stabbing and thudding against his prostate. "fuck, oh my god, fuckfuckfuck—!"

you click your tongue, gaze glued to the point where you meet. "you've got a mouth on you, haven't ya? should fuck you until you forget how to talk. that'll clean you right up, nice and ready for your little boytoy. would you like that, sweetheart?"

"fuck, daddy, please, yes please," he whines, letting the pillow swallow the rest of his sounds. the ricochet of skin on skin echoes loudly in the cosy bedroom, and his cock throbs as it swings between his creamy thighs. shit, you could watch the ripple of his ass until the day you died, and none of it would be wasted time. you're beginning to suspect he has a stronger hold on you than you thought.

your shoulder stings like a bolt of clarity and you growl, grabbing and pulling his hips to meet your thrusts. he whimpers at the sound. "what an obedient pup. a little eager, but i s'pose that's normal, given that tonight was your first time." you huff and slap his thigh, making him yowl and his hips jerk. "wasted, you are. such steady hands. i could use someone like you."

"y-yes, yes, use me – ah, ah – love being used! mmn—!"

"not quite what i was saying, but i'll let it slide." you slam your hips into him and he chokes on it, letting his head falls limply to the pillow. he hasn't felt your cock in so, so long – he can't believe he'd almost forgotten how good it felt, how it filled him up just right to knock his brains out. you gripped him so tightly, too, as if he might get up and leave at any time – but you should know by now that he'll always be the one running back to you, that sick glint in your eye only making him swoon harder.

you had a few bad habits, sure. a few dark fantasies. but so did taehyung. and now he had your blood in him – your essence, the purest part of you – which could never be taken away, even if the elders found out about your relationship. they could take you, but not the part of you that you'd planted deep inside him. they'd never be able to dig it all out. you were a rot to their perfectly-tended garden, and taehyung wouldn't let you be cut out so easily – not when you were so sweet on the tongue.

he licks his lips, the faint taste of what remains fluttering his heart. he'd been careless with his moans, the cries of your name like a prayer. he found so many little deaths with you, and the best ones came screaming.

suddenly, emptiness – you pull away, hand slipping out of his. you halt, stiller than the dead.

hoarsely, taehyung whispers your name, a whine on the tip of his tongue. "n-no... so close, was so close, please..." he turns around.

his heart drops like a stone.

"hello," says jimin, in a voice like silk.

"baby, put the knife down," taehyung stammers, all pleasure doused by the sight of that too-big blade pressed up against your throat. "don't."

"why should i?" he adjusts it, nicking a fine pink line beneath your ear. red beads along it like a string of pearls. "he's a killer. he must be cleansed, same as the rest."

unconsciously, taehyung wipes his mouth, as if your influence on him could be removed so easily. he can still feel the heat of it pulsing against his lips. "but he's mine."

you roll your eyes, hands open and half-raised. of all the things he could've said...

yet, it seems to give him pause. the kitchen knife almost loosens – almost. he tugs your hair roughly, punishingly, and you grunt as the blade whispers against your skin. you have half a mind to teach him a bloody hard lesson, but taehyung might not like that.

"wait!" taehyung darts forward, hand outstretched. he slumps on the bed in front of jimin, gripping the sheets. "how – how did you find us?"

"i followed your ex," jimin replies, observing the wet blood painting half of your chest. the red against your skin is rather pretty... and it's in the shape of taehyung's teeth. "this mark is good at covering his tracks. not so much for those of others."

taehyung's eyes widen. no. you promised to stay away from his ex! then again, he never did see the face of the meat he was cutting up... and you weren't one to be one-upped by the likes of jimin.

"he's not a mark," he pleads, "not officially. he could join us! how many people has he already killed? how long did it take for you to realise? you only found him because he was too rash with this one."

jimin's eyes narrow. "all that tells me is that he grew cocky and let his guard down."

"the mark was cruel to me. he did it for me," taehyung implores, his eyes earnest. "he loves me. and i love him. put down the knife. initiate him."

you frown. initiate?

for a long time, jimin says nothing. he doesn't move.

he lifts the knife. taehyung's eyes widen.

he raises his hands in surrender. he huffs and crosses his arms, drumming his fingers against his arm as he cocks a hip. his skirt and knitted vest give him the impression of a private-school kid, although the short sleeves of the dress shirt seem a touch too tight to be unaltered. he wears a shiny pair of tall, heeled mary janes, but you hadn't heard him until the knife was at your throat. odd.

"fine," he drawls, eyeing you with a slight curl to his upper lip. "you have two minutes to convince me. you're so lucky i like you, tae. wh—i mean, why do you even care? you said he wasn't your type."

"well," he searches carefully for the right words, "things change. and he fucks me the way i like it. you can't tell that from a glance."

jimin's gaze strays briefly downwards, over the shine of blood and flexing muscle. you're still hard, and when his gaze flicks up to meet yours, your lips twitch up into a smirk. you adjust your undone jeans and cross your arms.

eventually, jimin steps closer, reaching out curiously to prod at the bite mark. ruby red oozes, and he watches closely as your eyes flutter briefly shut. his tongue glides over his glossy lower lip. "hm... but he's still a killer. i don't know what makes him more useful to me alive."

it's as if a lightbulb flashes over taehyung's head.

he leans forward, resting a hand on your thigh. he tilts his head against your hip. "maybe you can... try him. see from my perspective."

"i'm not getting on my knees," jimin scowls immediately, "not for a sinner."

"but you don't mind it when i do?"

jimin opens his mouth. he closes it. he throws his hands in the air, knife waving around carelessly. "we're not the same! i'm already doing you a kindness by letting him live this long. i should be flaying him right now for tainting your body with his filth. you're supposed to be pure. unsullied."

"pure?" you repeat, scoffing. you can only stay quiet for so long. "oh, you lot are crazy-crazy. worse than me."

his eyes narrow and his knuckles whiten on the knife handle. taehyung shoves himself between you, gripping your hand in his own. "no! stop it, both of you! if you kill each other, who's gonna take care of me? i'm still hard."

he's the perfect height for you. you prop your chin on his shoulder with a lazy grin, wrapping your arms loosely around his waist. you play with his cock, making his breath stutter. "you're right as always, sweetheart... how cruel is he for cockblocking you? you deserve everything in the world and more..."

jimin's fingers twitch. taehyung bucks shallowly against you, but you keep him firmly in place as you stroke his cock, already sensitive. you kiss his neck. you haven't taken your eyes off of jimin.

he presses his thighs together as taehyung lets out a soft whimper.

"come on, sweet thing," you croon into his ear, cupping his chest and grazing his nipple. "don't you want my cock?"

gulping, he tries not to show how affected he is by the hardness pressing against his ass. "a-ah, um..."

"what was that?" you flick your wrist roughly and taehyung's eyes shoot open. blood fills his mouth from a bitten cut in his cheek.

nervously, he lifts his eyes to jimin's. his gaze is fixed on your hand and the way it engulfs taehyung's cock, flicking over his slit and grazing the veins with your nails. "i want – i w-want..."

"say it, tae."

the words come not from your lips, but jimin's. two fingers slip into taehyung's ass and he jolts with a sweet moan as you curl them.

"i want your cock," he rushes out in one breath. "fuck, i want it so bad."

"even more than your boyfriend's?" your words are sly, coated in a thick layer of faux innocence. "why?"

taehyung doesn't bother answering. you know the answer – so does jimin. he turns in your arms and cups your face in his hands, bringing you down for a desperate, hungry kiss. you thrust your fingers into his hole and he jerks, clamping down around you. you swallow his moans, pumping your fingers teasingly.

"i wonder," you drawl, kissing a trail up taehyung's neck, "if he likes watching. maybe that's why he doesn't want to date you. he wants to sit back and watch as other men ruin your pretty little body – after all, it's hard to enjoy the faces you make when preoccupied with doing all the real work."

the sharp intake of breath and the way he clenches around you tells you what you want to hear. he looks up at you with those dark, dark eyes, his breath quick and shallow, and leans into it when you sit him down on the bed with a creak. swiftly, he turns over, arching his back and wiggling his ass. he gazes back at you with huge eyes as you remove your pants. he's almost shy – though the twitching cock leaking down his thigh is anything but. red and angry, it demands attention.

you glance at jimin. the knife's still in his hand, but the thought of it seems secondary to the sight of taehyung on his hands and knees. you can hardly blame him.

from the edge of the bed, you grab the bottle of lube taehyung had brought with him. you slather a generous amount onto your cock and push a few fingers into taehyung with the remnants, exhaling softly as he pushes his hips back against your knuckles.

"my perfect boy." you scissor your fingers, then slide them out. "c'mon – don't be shy. show your dear jimin how well i stretch you out."

he glances your way sharply. you're already staring at him, grinning in the airheaded, cocky, handsome way that all popular boys seem to know intrinsically. the soft lips, the blood, the way you manoeuvre taehyung's body around yours as if he's a prop to make you look better... every jock knows that rising in the ranks means he needs to talk louder than the next guy, take up more space than the next guy, have prettier girls on his arms than the next guy. they say confidence is key, but that's only good at pool parties where nobody wants to really call anyone's bluff.

you're the only one who does it right. you're the only one with a cock to match that body.

taehyung exhales shakily as he reaches back and parts his asscheeks, fingers digging harder than necessary into the plump meat. he hides his burning face in the sheets as jimin steps closer, and his breath quickens as you tap your cock against his ass, teasing his hole with your tip.

"cute, isn't he? surprisingly sweet, too. thought he'd be more of a brat when i first saw him," you hum, casually stuffing your cock into him in one smooth movement. taehyung yelps and lets out a quivery little moan, his slick walls clenching around your thick cock. he sounds like he's trying not to cry – you sigh patiently and pet his hair before your hands return to their rightful places on his hips to pull him onto you.

his body jolts with each thrust, his muffled cries breathy and whiny. his ass ripples with the slap of your hips. on a particularly rough thrust which has him seeing stars, he whimpers out a "daddy" that has jimin's breath hitching audibly.

"good, baby," you husk, palms gliding down his body appreciatively. you slap his ass – so hard your palm stings – and he chokes, already-wobbly knees giving out beneath him. he catches himself just in time but the angle has your cock driving deeper inside him, oscillating wildly from kissing his prostate to fucking his brain out his ears.

you grab a fistful of his hair and loom over him, your lips brushing his earlobe. his spine arches when you tug roughly, his eyes rolling to show their whites as your cock throbs inside him, each thrust wet and slick. "tell him how you feel, whore," you murmur, soft but loud enough for your voice to carry. he gasps sharply at the title and his aching cock leaks like a faucet into a puddle of his own precome. he shakes his head, embarrassment hot in his core.

you tilt your head. "maybe i'll even let you suck him off."

"it f-feels good," he cries immediately. the quick, precise slapping of skin on skin echoes in the room. "i love your cock! i love tay-taking cock, love being fucked by big cocks – oh god! – 'n' yours is the biggest! love getting stretched wide on your dick, getting fucked 'til it hurts—! i-i never wanna come off, mm, i love being your cockslut – wanna be your bitch, your toy, all yours—" you bury yourself balls-deep in his guts and his mouth falls open, thick white come spurting from his tip; it's almost humiliating how you can make him finish without a single brush against his dick. he smiles, broad and wobbly. "ohhh..."

you peck his cheek, pressing against his back low and heavy like an animal. you grip his jaw. "coming already? don't go passing out on me," you chide, tilting his head in jimin's direction. "look at him. look. there we go. see how hard he is? he must like how obedient you get with me – with your daddy."

heat floods his body to the marrow. you've never used that title on yourself before – it's always been taehyung's thing, something you don't mind only because it's him. the raking burn of pleasure hurts, blooming from his cock all the way up his spine and out to his fingers and toes.

possession. it spins in taehyung's jumbled mind. you fuck him like you want to bruise your name inside him, forcing him to think of you and only you even when jimin sits on that chair in front of him, a perfectly manicured hand wrapped around his leaking length, just begging to be touched.

briefly, taehyung wonders how you might fuck jimin. he's giving you his infamous bedroom eyes, but there's an acrid darkness that taints his gaze. jealousy? inadequacy? scorn? taehyung's thighs are hot and sticky.

maybe you'd be rougher with him, tie him up and fold him in half with his legs over your shoulders. even as he distantly obeys your whispered order to open his mouth, and even as jimin slides his velvety cock between his lips, he can't stop imagining you behind jimin, manhandling him and forcing him to ride you to get off, even though jimin's such a pillow princess.

you grip taehyung's hips, sweat shining on your skin. you spread his ass and thrust deeper, smirking when he jerks forward, choking down the rest of jimin's dick and ripping a pleasured curse from his throat.

taehyung's limbs feel like jelly. he braces against jimin's hip, hooking his thumb under the hem of jimin's skirt to pin it back. as he sinks down on his cock, he chances a glance up.

rid of his little sweater vest and unbuttoned down to the navel, jimin does very little to chase his high. he meets taehyung's eyes and tilts his head slightly – he's almost perfectly still, and the only thing he does is gather his skirt in a fist. your quick, snapping pace sets taehyung's, and it's only by the blown pupils and pink-tinged cheeks that taehyung knows he's doing well.

"so," you begin, and your voice is remarkably steady. "did you come here intending to kill me?"

"please, i barely know who you are. there are others—" his breath catches, and he closes his eyes to steady himself "—others who're more deserving of atonement than you. which isn't to say i thought you a paragon of virtue – you're a handsome guy on a sports team, and sin comes to your type like moths to a flame. i knew i'd come to collect eventually, but you surprised me. congrats – not many can."

"did you watch?" you ask, patting taehyung's ass almost fondly. "he did so well with the – what did you call him? your mark? did you see how beautiful he looked, nearly orgasmic as he cut him open and warmed his hands with his blood? you must enjoy it, too – seeing the life fade from your victims' eyes. otherwise, you would've culled me the moment i took your kill."

his eyes narrow. "you're sick."

you laugh. "y'know, you and your little 'cult' aren't slick. i saw how pretty girls and guys don't shy away from the forest or the nasty parts of town because what they can do far outweighs the shard of glass a cokehead waves around. i thought it was a creative writing exercise gone crazy, something to explain the unusual disappearances around here. it was good for me, though. nobody'll raise a fuss if one more douchebag goes missing."

"i should kill you now."

"but then sweet little taehyung would be upset – you heard him." you pout. "besides, you must've liked something about me or you would've gotten rid of me as soon as i ravaged your favourite boytoy. do you have a thing for corruption? is that why you stayed, watched him come as soon as he tasted my blood? if you like, i'll let him bite the other side."

he pulls taehyung's throat down on his cock by his hair. taehyung eagerly laps up every throbbing inch he receives, nails digging into jimin's ass. he jolts and gags slightly as hot come pours down his throat without warning – his eyes flutter shut as his throat bobs, lips pressed against jimin's base.

"oh, i like you," you purr, something of a song lilting your voice. "are you as angry when you take cock, i wonder?"

"try it, i dare you."

you turn your attention to taehyung, who sits jimin's cock in his mouth like a good boy. he suckles softly, dazed and faraway. his walls are soft and hot, each gummy ridge stroking and clamping around you to pull you in as deep as possible when you finally, finally come, forcing him over the precipice as well for the nth time that night.

you pet his hair and he leans into it, moaning as you gently pull out, letting him sink into the mattress. thick come drips down his inner thigh, pooling in the dips of the bed. softly, you groan, gathering yourself and lavishing kisses upon kisses over his neck and shoulder. "what do you think, baby? should i fuck the cultist freak?"

taehyung pops off wetly, licking his lips. his chest heaves. it's hard to scoop his brain up off the floor, but the thought of the two people hottest people he knows putting on a show, all for him? "p-please..."

you raise your eyes, and meet jimin's glare with a smirk. "you heard him. don't wanna disappoint, do we?"

"you think you deserve to fuck me? after everything you've done? you don't even kill for a reason," he scoffs. "you're no better than an animal."

"what is it with you and prettyboy here thinking i'm less than human? you cower behind your righteous moral justifications when you take a life and hold me to the same standards, but animals don't have morals. i can only be one, baby, so choose."

jimin glowers.

"you've got me in a box," he admits eventually, and his expression twists as your smile turns gloating. "shut up. you can fuck me – just this once."

"those are dangerous gambling words," you tease, but lay back against the headboard, one hand behind your head and the other wrapping around the base of your cock. your absence above him makes taehyung blink – hard – before he shuffles after you like a sleepy puppy and buries his face in your shoulder.

his thighs still twitch every now and again, and he lifts his unfocussed gaze to meet jimin's. it clears, just enough, for a fat, satisfied grin to spread across his face and he shifts to spread his shaky legs, showing off the warm glazed mess between his thighs like a piece of art.

jimin's cock throbs. taehyung grins lazily, knowingly, eyes half-lidded and hungry. he slides your slick cock between the vee of his fingers and flicks his wrist. a pearl of precome beads along your slit and follows the line of a vein, gathering eventually along taehyung's slender finger.

unwise, a voice whispers in his head, regal and maternal, yet youthful.

with a sigh too breathy to be accidental, taehyung splays his fingers over his lips and tilts his head back, taking one finger at a time against his scarlet tongue to clean it. his lashes graze his cheeks. his eyes are black corridors of velvet, and he gives jimin's invisible leash a tug with a curl of his pretty fingers.

it was never that taehyung made it too hard to say no. he made it far too easy to say yes.

[noiriarti]

The Winner Takes it All: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Enemies-to-Lovers Modern AU) | Chapter 2

NSFW! Minors DNI!!! Summary: The moment the thesis competition was announced, you knew your biggest threat. Anakin Skywalker, golden boy of the engineering department. He's the only other person smart enough to beat you, and the only other person insane enough to stay in the lab until midnight every night. He's also an asshole, but you're starting to think maybe he's not as bad as you thought he was... Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Fem!Reader CW: mentions of masturbation WC: 6.9k AN: hehehehehe this chapter was so much fun to write and i fear i have added a bit of a plot to this pwp fic. next chapter will get even wilder! as always, asks and requests open <3

Ch. 1, [Ch. 2], Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6

Chapter 2: Testing

Anakin stumbled to his room on unsteady feet. When he entered, it was 1:43 am, but he had never felt more awake. He couldn't have slept even if he had wanted to, because you were haunting him. The wood of his door as he unlocked it felt like the lab bench under his fingers. His lips felt phantom kisses from you. Your angry voice echoed in the creak of the hinges. His pillows were soft like your clothes, like your skin.

The more he thought about it, the harder he got, which he wasn't sure was possible, really. His cock was pressing against his jeans so hard that he was relatively certain he could get off just by thrusting into the material a few times. Anakin rocked his hips experimentally against the rough material, and a shiver of pleasure ran down his spine. Jesus. He was definitely sensitive enough to cum like that. But he shouldn't. He really, really shouldn't. It would be weird and creepy, when you told him you didn't want to do more of this. He shouldn't. He resolved to sleep it off, but found sleep was still evading him about an hour later when he lay awake in bed. Fuck my life. Fine. If he was going to be up, he might as well get some work done. So, he spent the night typing at his desk, which he distinctly had to try not to imagine kissing you against.

Anakin didn't hate you. Far from it. Okay, maybe not that far from it. But if he hated you, he something-else-ed you with equal measure. He just wasn't sure what that something else was. Did he like you? This wasn't like any crush he had before. You were so rude sometimes, but he would snap right back, and then escalate. Anakin didn't love that personality trait in himself, but it came out in spades around you. In freshman year, your name on the posted top homework of the week was exhilarating. Finally, some competition. Someone who loved engineering as much as he did. Someone who understood the fire that got him out of his backwater town and into the world. Then he met you, and that exhilaration turned a thousand times stronger. You weren't just a peer, you were a challenge. Every jab you threw at him, every time your bot would beat his in the traditional end-of-year tournament, he'd feel like he was suddenly on fire, electricity shocking through his very being. It was the same feeling he chased in taekwondo, that edge where he wasn't sure if he'd win, but he was so, so close. It was easier to interpret it as anger, as hatred, as fuel.

Even though he thought you could be a know-it-all, he had to admit that he always had a sort of begrudging respect toward you. You worked on a group project together, three times, once per year on average, and he could consistently rely on the fact that you'd never be a slacker. Others on the team would sometimes ghost, which annoyed you both in equal measure. The two of you would butt heads over what to do in the projects, but you were always 100% dedicated. He respected it about you, even if you were critical of his admittedly shoddy handwriting or the logical jumps in his proofs.

By senior year, he was unknowingly nursing what could affectionately be called a crush, though it was masked under layers and layers of frustration and competition and anger. Anakin wasn't very self aware, but it was beginning to dawn on even him that, perhaps, he liked you. There were several signs. Late nights in the lab were torture for him. He'd sit there, trying to focus on something, anything, but he kept seeing that piece of hair that fell into your face when you bent over your bench and your deft hands wiring capacitors. Sometimes, when you passed him and he caught a whiff of your smell, his heart would speed up. When he heard your voice in class, he would start smiling. It was honestly kind of embarrassing.

In retrospect, it was surprising he hadn't broken and kissed you earlier. But, now that he had, all he could think about was kissing you again. As he sat at his desk thinking, the next steps for his thesis slipped through his hands like grains of sand. At practice the next afternoon, his technique was sloppy, which his teammates riffed on endlessly. In class, the professor could have said the secret to traveling faster than light, and it would have gone in one of Anakin's ears and out the other.

You had said it couldn't happen. Why? Did he do something wrong? At the time, he was clouded with arousal, joy, and exhilaration, so he didn't ask any questions, just agreed mindlessly, but your statement was haunting him. We shouldn't do this again. Why not? His body was screaming for it, at the very least, and so was his heart, but he chose to ignore that.

Anakin was pondering this issue over a piece of tech for the Jinn lab, where he worked part-time during the semester, when Obi-Wan walked in and headed straight for him. Though Obi-Wan was technically his supervisor, being a third-year graduate student advised by Professor Jinn, Anakin considered him a friend. Though he was usually pretty serious, Obi-Wan appeared thoroughly amused today and looked a bit like the cat who got the cream.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said by way of greeting as he passed by his chair.

"What's up?" Anakin asked as he tried to get a particularly annoying screw tightened.

"Were you in the thesis lab last night?" Yes, he was, in fact. He was making out with you, but he didn't need to mention that.

"Yeah, working on some hardware for my next prototype, why?" Obi-Wan's smile spread further, if possible.

"Did you know there's cameras?" The blood froze in Anakin's veins. The suggestion in his voice was unmistakable.

"What?" His voice came out like a whisper.

"Good thing you were simply working on your prototype. You should warn other students to take… dalliances elsewhere," Obi-Wan said, winking.

"I-um-fuck--I." The words died on Anakin's tongue. Holy fucking shit. "I didn't see cameras."

"They're small. Qui-Gon had me install them this year. Nevertheless, things happen," Obi-Wan said, pausing, then quickly added, "Good luck." Obi-Wan patted Anakin on the shoulder and walked into his office in the back of the lab, leaving Anakin frozen in his chair.

Later that evening, once he'd worked (read: sat in shock) for four hours at the Jinn lab, finished two assignments for his gened, and led a practice for the TKD team, Anakin dragged his tired ass to the thesis lab. He was still restless since Obi-Wan's revelation. There was a video of the two of you, and he found himself wondering more than a few times if he could get it. For safekeeping, of course. No other reason.

He nodded at Barriss, who was on her way out, on complete autopilot. Seems she's getting in gear for the competition, he would have thought had he been mentally present in the slightest. He was the only one in the lab, a relief considering the fact that all his brain cells tended to leave the building as soon as you were near him, so he could get some work done. Get some tests in, make some actual progress. Maybe he could even pull a win on the competition, if not just an A on his thesis. He'd written some code during thermo lecture that he loaded onto an Arduino, turning over the device and its sharp pins in his fingers before disconnecting it from his laptop and shoving it into a breadboard. It looked ugly, clunky, and inelegant, but it was just a temporary setup for the test run before he attached the Arduino to the current motherboard. Sometime midway through the code running, the door to the lab clacked open.

It was you. Who else would arrive to the lab at 8pm? You looked gorgeous today, which hit Anakin like a punch to the gut. Cool, cool. This was normal. He could handle this. The cold had darkened your lips and cheeks a bit, so subtle he wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't staring. But he was, and he looked away quickly, back to his computer, and choked out a "hey." Anakin heard the tell-tale smack of your backpack on the floor, then each layer you shed (thump for coat, gentle taps for gloves, barely a thunk for hat). His eyes were fixed intently on the screen, even though there was nothing to look at there. When he looked up, you were right in front of him, close enough to touch.

"Hi," you said. Your eyes were gazing up at him earnestly and he could almost see his reflection in them. Fuck. You were standing incredibly near him, much closer than anyone else in his life would.

"Hi," he breathed. Was this it? Were you going to tell him that, actually, you wanted him? That maybe you could go on a date, or, at least go back to your place? Just going back to yours for sex wouldn't be exactly what he wanted, but then again beggars can't be choosers. And he was definitely a beggar right now.

"I need the small pliers." You reached out your hand expectantly. Oh. Okay.

"Yep." He handed them over, then watched as you walked back to your table.

Awesome. So Anakin was still horrendously awkward around you. He knew how to speak to you after the past several years, where he'd found himself getting little kernels of knowledge about your life and thoughts. It was more that he didn't know what he could say that wasn't a confession that he really really wanted to kiss you again.

The dark had already fallen outside hours ago when you began to put away your prototype. All of the world was asleep, the hallway outside the makerspace dark. The only light outside the lab were the streetlights glowing through the open windows, casting shadows over the sidewalk. Time was fictional in those moments, stretching and shortening and contorting until a minute passed in what felt like an hour, or the other way around. Nothing made sense in those moments. His calculations. The unease he felt. Least of all, why you didn't want to kiss him again. Why he didn't just tell you that he couldn't stop thinking about you. But you were already putting your coat on, slinging your backpack over your shoulder, and--

"Wait," he called out desperately, gesturing with his hand toward you. He fell silent. What was he going to say? He'd ask you to talk, to explain that he actually really enjoyed yesterday and that he'd really really like to do it again. He'd tell you that he didn't hate you, actually. That he'd actually enjoy going on a date, maybe to dinner or a movie, he wasn't picky. The words were on the tip of his tongue.

"Can you just stay for five more minutes while I use the drill press?" Close enough.

You looked at him and simply nodded. You kept an eye on him while he used the drill press, and his hand almost slipped three times under your scrutiny. But then he was done, and you both went through the paces of closing up the room. Vents off, machines off, check printers, check laser cutters, lights off, leave.

On the walk home, Anakin looked up and saw an empty sky, so different from the one on the farm at home. No matter where he turned there, he saw constellations and different worlds. Here, between the tall buildings and under all the light pollution, it was just black. You walked home wordlessly again.

The next day, he was determined to be more normal, and immediately asked you how your project was going. He could tell you were guarded based on the wariness in your eye, but you still answered. That you were dealing with a test not working. He offered to take a look at it, but you shot him down.

Later, you asked him if he knew how to deal with an issue with your CAD model, which he did, and he helped you extrude text on the curved surface. Anakin tried not to notice how close your body was.

The normalcy returned within three hours between the two of you. Sure, there was an elephant in the room (or, really, a herd of elephants), but you two were getting comfortable again, casually chatting about class and boasting about your projects. You revealed the thermo midterm hadn't gone so well, and he confessed that it hadn't for him, either. He was very worried about the class, actually, but the thesis was his priority. When he told you, Anakin couldn't figure out what your expression meant. Surprise? Anger? Sadness? Sympathy? He shrugged it off. Probably was a shock to realize he wasn't always perfect.

An hour later, he was thinking about going home, but then he saw you staring at your computer with your headphones in.

"Whatcha watching?" He hoped the question sounded casual. You paused the video and looked up at him.

"An old Criminal Minds episode," you responded with a hint of a smile. His heart leaped.

"Can I join? I'm waiting on a print, and I need a break anyway." Was that smooth? He couldn't tell. You nodded, and he pulled up a chair. He was endlessly thankful you were using wired earbuds today (you had explained you'd forgotten your usual wireless ones at home), so that he had an excuse to sit near you. It was just how far the cord reached, not how badly he wanted to press himself against you. That was all.

"Oh, it's totally the teacher," he remarked at one point, midway through the episode. Your legs had gotten closer, almost pressing the sides of his thigh to yours. That did not make his heart race. It was probably the tension in the episode.

"Obviously, dumbass," you chided, smacking your leg into his, but there wasn't any bite to it. It was affection, and he reveled in it the whole way home.

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Ahsoka Tano wasn't stupid. She had eyes and a capability for critical thought that she thought two particular people in her life lacked. When her roommate came home from the lab one day in mid-November, dead silent with hair mussed and lips still swollen from making out with someone, Ahsoka knew something had happened between you and the only other person who would be in the lab that late. Finally. But there was a clench in your jaw, a hard set in your eyes, that told her it wasn't all positive. But it was progress.

The first time she met met Anakin was when she was a freshman and joined the Coruscant U taekwondo team. She'd seen him around the competitive taekwondo circuit, of course; he was national champion two times running in the 16-18 division. Anakin was precise, vicious, and powerful. By the time he was a freshman, he was about to reach the fourth Dan, a feat which took most people years. He was just that good.

When Ahsoka met him, she was certain he'd be the kind of arrogant that could only come with prodigy status. And, though he was a bit full of himself, she was surprised to find him to be kind. Not nice, necessarily, all quips and snipes and sarcasm, but definitely kind to the younger students, and to her. When he asked her to be his vice-captain, she said yes immediately. There was no one better she could learn from.

The first time she noticed the tension between you was at the first competition she was in, when you came to watch her. At some point, Anakin's name had been announced, and you looked like you'd smelled curdled milk. When she asked you about it later, she hadn't expected the total word vomit that spilled out of you about how annoying and horrible and infuriating Anakin was in class. Your actual issues with him were fairly minor, she thought: 1. He gloated (definitely true), 2. He sabotaged other people's projects so he'd do better (probably not true), 3. He was always getting praise from the professors (probably true), and 4. He always assumed you didn't know what you were doing (probably true).

But Ahsoka saw a side of him you didn't. At a competition in her sophomore year, in the dead of night at the Airbnb the team had rented, she saw him frantically sewing his expensive competitive dobok, heavy with embroidery befitting his dan, when one of the seams tore mid-match the day before. It took some digging, but he confessed that he didn't have a backup. He couldn't afford a new one right now. Anakin didn't talk about home much, and, when he did, it was in clipped sentences saying that yes, he had a mom and a new stepdad. Yes, he was from a small town. As vice-captain, she had access to the list of students who the team was sponsoring at competitions because they needed the financial aid. Anakin was on the list every time. Ahsoka didn't mention it to him, ever.

Over the past three years, she had watched the spark between the two of you ignite into fights and frustration. She'd heard Anakin ask about you in a way he thought was subtle, but was actually glaringly obvious. She'd heard you complain that he was so annoying enough times. Now that something had actually happened between you, that was it. She was going to do something about it.

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"A taekwondo party?" You had asked.

"Yeah! At Rex's," Ahsoka had said. To be honest, you kind of needed a break. Or, at least a night to not think about circuits. You were beginning to see that Anakin was smart, even smarter than you had thought, and it was creeping up on you that, maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't win no matter what you did. Maybe he was just too brilliant. You wanted to forget that, and getting drunk seemed like a great way to do just that. "Anakin will be there," Ahsoka's voice echoed in your head. Why did she say that? The peace you had settled into with Anakin was tenuous, but there. Did she know about what happened between the two of you?

You still weren't sure when you arrived on the door of the brownstone. Tau Kappa Delta wasn't an actual frat, but it was a house full of the TKD team competitors who called each other "brothers," so the nickname stuck. It was a bit out of the way of campus, but it was the prime place to hold parties if you wanted to get raunchy in a safe place. You and Ahsoka had gotten dressed up, you in some kind of short black silk dress she shoved in your hands, and her in a strappy ensemble that looked a bit like battle armor. There were straps around the arms that extended into fingerless gloves and some kind of tactical belt was slung low over her hips. Her halter top showed off her strong arms, and, for an instant, you wished you played sports for the university. How she wasn't shivering in the cold air, you'd never know.

The door swung open and the warmth indoors hit you, thick with bodies and sweat and beer, and some guy ushered you in while Ahsoka gave him a hug. This must be one of the team members you had met, some sturdy guy with an accent. You couldn't quite place if his name was Cody or Vaughn, but it was one of them, you thought. The room you entered was full of coats and bags, as well as a few people standing and chatting with drinks in their hands. Through the doorway, music blared in what was probably the living room. You couldn't make out any furniture through the dancing crowd.

Ahsoka reappeared with a shot in each hand, offering one to you with a wink.

"To a good night where you can relax, because God knows you need it," she toasted, bumping her shot glass against yours and downing it in one go. The tequila burned as it went down your throat. You coughed for a bit, then asked her for another. Might as well get the party started right. Another shot went into you, and then Ahsoka dragged you to the dance floor. The lights in the room were flashing all kinds of colors--red, purple, blue--and the music was loud enough that you could feel it vibrating through your organs. Ahsoka pushed her way past some people, closer to the center of the room, and then found enough space for the two of you and started dancing. The rhythm flowed through you, and you were just drunk enough not to care if you looked stupid. It was perfect. The two of you danced for three, maybe four songs, before Ahsoka went to get you both another shot, and then another. Some of Ahsoka's friends had joined you, not that you knew them, but you were in your own world, having fun. People bumped into your shoulder, leg, elbow, whatever, but you were on cloud nine. The bass felt like one heartbeat connecting all of the strangers on the floor to you, like you were all one beast. Dancing with your friends like this, going to parties, that's all that you cared about. This would be one of those memories you treasured, you were sure of it.

And then you saw Anakin. Much to your annoyance, he looked particularly good that day, his hair still as touchable as it was every day in the lab. He was wearing light-wash jeans (like that night, a small part of your brain reminded you) and a black, comfortable t-shirt. Oh, and there was a woman with him. Like that wasn't the first thing you noticed. She was shorter than him by a good bit, standing in front of him so you couldn't see her face, just her annoyingly shiny chestnut hair and perfect neck. Cool. Fine. They were in the corner of the room, with him leaning against the wall and her standing in front of him, shouting conversation over the loud music. Anakin shot her a warm smile, the one he rarely turned toward you, and then she put her hand on his chest. It was the alcohol that flipped your stomach, you were sure of it. And anger at seeing him, nothing else. You tapped Ahsoka and got close to her ear.

"Who's that?" You asked. She turned closer to you, her eyebrows drawn.

"Huh?" She half-yelled back. You lent in closer, trying to get to her ear.

"The girl?" You could barely hear yourself over the noise.

"What?" Oh, fuck it. You full-on yelled, but it didn't even come close to the level of bass in the room.

"Who's the girl with Anakin?"

"Oh," Ahsoka yelled back. "That's his ex." Awesome. Whoop-de-fucking-do. There was, objectively, no reason why that should have annoyed you. But it did. The girl waved to Anakin, then left, leaving him looking incredibly hot up against that wall. Your eyes took in the width of his chest, the muscles and veins in his arms. And then he was looking at you.

He had caught you. Fuck. He gave you a little wave with a smirk, then left into the next room. Shitfuckmotherfucker. Ahsoka grabbed your shoulder, shouting something about how the two of you should get some air. You nodded and let her pull you out of the dance floor, then to a room down the hall, where you could hear voices talking, laughing.

You recognized a few of the people. Jesse, Echo, the one whose name you'd ascertained was actually Cody, Fives, and Fox were all there, and, of course, so was Anakin. They were sitting in an uneven, horrible circle that was really more of a convex shape around the couch. Some girls you'd seen before around campus but you hadn't really met and some other team members were strewn about the room, sipping beers from their red cups. Anakin greeted you both with a wave.

"Hey, come join us, we're playing truth or dare," he yelled across the room. Ahsoka grinned and almost pulled you down with her to the floor.

"C'mon, let's play," she said as she grinned up at you. Truth or dare and other party games had never really been your thing, and you kind of were feeling the number of shots you had taken, so you decided you were out.

"Oh, I'm not sure--" you started.

"What, gonna chicken out?" Anakin's voice called. That motherfucker.

"Never," you shot back, plopping your ass down. You weren't sure there was a way to win truth or dare, but you were going to find it, goddamn it.

"Okay, Rex. Truth or dare?" Jesse started. You'd only met him once, but he had a nice voice and a glint in his eye that made you like him immediately.

"Dare," he responded gruffly. Some oohs peppered the room as they watched their intrepid assistant captain about to get loose. Jesse thought for a moment.

"Take two shots!" The crowd chanted as Rex sighed, poured himself two shots of tequila, and downed them with only a small wince. After he was done, it was his turn.

"Ahsoka, truth or dare?"

"Truth?" Ahsoka crinkled her nose.

"Aw c'mon Snips. Bo-oring," Anakin teased. Ahsoka shot him a look that said if I weren't across this circle, I would smack you right now.

"Only 'cause y'all can't think of a better dare than drinking," she said. Chuckles bubbled through the room.

"Fine, then, have you ever kissed Lux Bonteri?" Rex's question apparently hit the nail on the head as all the color drained out of Ahsoka's face.

"I changed my mind. Dare." Ahsoka's eyes were wide, and you knew why. She and Lux had kind of had a thing going, but he was on another school's team. She'd come back home after matches with stories about what he said, asking if you thought it was romantic or platonic. But she'd never admit to doing anything with a member of their fiercest competition. Rex rolled his eyes as people booed, Anakin especially loudly.

"Fine, fine. I dare you to… call your ex," Rex conceded. That was easy enough for Ahsoka, given that her only ex was Barriss, who she was still good friends with. Barriss had broken it off to focus on work over a year ago, and it had been hard on Ahsoka at first, but they got over it and were back to just being a little bit awkward. With an eye roll and a scoff, Ahsoka pulled out Barriss's contact and pressed the call button. The phone rang out on speaker, just getting Barriss's voicemail. "There, ya happy?" Ahsoka asked, then turned to someone else.

The game went around and around, questions about the last time someone had sex and dares to kiss someone else flying across the room as the team members who obviously knew each other too well publicly tortured one another. Eventually, someone said your name.

"Truth or dare?" It was Echo, who Ahsoka had told you was finally competing again after tearing his ACL. He had kind eyes, and the room seemed electric, so you made your choice without much thought.

"Uh, dare?" Echo smiled in a way that seemed apologetic, and you realized that perhaps this was a terrible idea. Was the room holding its breath, or was it just you?

"Okay, I dare you to straddle Anakin for three minutes." The room erupted, cheers and hollers coming from every player in the nearby vicinity. "Get it, Cap" came from somewhere on your right, and a whistle came from your left. Anakin looked white as a sheet, and you noticed he was staring at Echo with murder in his eyes. They'd pay for that in practice, most likely. He was leant back on his arms, legs criss-crossed, but the position suddenly looked tense. A muscle in his jaw bulged. The chants weren't stopping, and you decided to get it over with.

Whether it was the alcohol coursing through you or some newfound bravery, you weren't sure, but you started moving over to Anakin, who was three seats to your right, near a wall. He made eye contact with you, his gaze softening, and you could practically hear him asking you if you were okay with this. You were, you realized. It was probably the alcohol talking. The wolf whistles of the other players faded away, and sitting on his lap suddenly became the only thing you wanted.

You hitched one leg across Anakin's body, then sank down so that you were sitting on him. The rough material of his jeans slid against your bare thighs, and you cursed your choice not to wear pants. Your stomach was pressed to his chest, and you noticed that, even though your cleavage was in his eyeline and you always thought he was easily swayed by tits and ass, his eyes were intently staring into yours. In your shadow and the dark light, they were blown wide, the black almost consuming his blue irises. A world away, someone yelled that they had started a timer.

Somewhere behind your back, Ahsoka slipped Echo five bucks. You wouldn't have noticed if she had done it in front of you, because you were too busy trying to slow the beating of your heart. Or was that his? You couldn't tell. Everything was a bit fuzzy. In this position, you were above him for the first time, looking down at those eyes that were casting you a look that churned something inside you. With that look, you were back in the lab, and he was telling you to jump up onto the table, and his hands were all over you. You'd lose yourself in that moment, if you could.

Anakin's eyes traveled down your figure with a hard gulp that bobbed his Adam's apple. His gaze lingered on your low-cut front, tracing over the seams, then reaching down to your thighs. In your drunken state, you hadn't noticed the amount of skin that was exposed when your dress rode up. He definitely did. You felt something slowly changing beneath you, and it took you a second to comprehend that he was getting hard. Because of you. You rationalized it as the reaction any person with a penis would have to being straddled like that. Right?

His heavy breathing seemed to confirm it, and Anakin mouthed 'sorry' when he felt himself press against you subtly. You distinctly did not mind. His eyes flicked down between your legs, where the skirt had ridden up so that one wrong--or right--move would let him see what was underneath it. Him seeing you didn't bother you one bit, actually. You kind of wanted him to put a hand to you, press his fingers inside you. Maybe he could take you upstairs to one of the rooms and fuck you furiously. Or maybe you could shove what you were feeling against your legs into your throat. Or maybe one, then the other.

His gaze met yours again before sliding down to your lips and staying there. The same energy that he had when he was one-upping you, confidently answering a question in class, or telling you to re-solder your work grew in his eyes. That intensity. That fierce desire for success. You found it incredibly attractive then, but now, it was irresistible.

The timer beeped, and you thought of the 3D printer that night in the lab. Cockblocks, the both of them. The others in the room cheered as you got off him instantly, then slinked back to your usual seat. Now that you were sitting on your own, it became obvious that the heat between your thighs was not entirely from his legs warming you up. You pulled the hem of your skirt down just a tad. The adrenaline of the moment hadn't stopped, even though you were reminded of the existence of the crowd that had just watched you. You didn't want it to end. You'd give anything for the room to be empty right now, like the lab at night. You pulled out your phone and sent a message to Anakin, your fingers wobbly on the keyboard.

Upstairs. Follow me in 3 mind, the text said. Fuck. Maybe you were a bit drunk. *Mins, you corrected. Anakin checked his phone almost instantly, his eyes still locked on you from before, and quickly typed something back. k. You waited two more rounds of questions before getting up.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you said to Ahsoka, who was absorbed in some kind of debate with Fives and Cody. She nodded at you, and then you were off. You weaved through people, up to the floor with the bedrooms, which was much less populated than the downstairs. There were a few rooms that seemed either occupied or locked, but one at the end of the hall sat ajar. You entered, leaving the door cracked so Anakin would know where you were, then sat down on the bed. It was a twin, in a decently clean room that had a bunch of posters for bands along the walls. Whoever lived here really liked Pink Floyd, apparently. It was actually nice up there; the music was pumping through the building, but it was a nice backdrop this far from the speakers. The window was open, so the cool breeze was flowing.

A few moments later, the door opened. The second you saw Anakin, you pounced on him. He let out a slightly surprised mmph, but then feverishly kissed you back. Anakin tasted like alcohol and orange juice, but you didn't mind. As long as he was kissing you, he could taste however he wanted. One of his hands scrabbled behind him to find the door handle and shut it, while the other came up to your jaw. Whatever desires he had downstairs, he was clearly showing them now. His hand went down to grab your ass, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh. You pressed yourself against him, just like you were downstairs, your whole bodies melded together until you didn't know where he began and you ended. The way Anakin kissed you was intoxicating, more so than any of the shots you had taken that night. More than any drug you would ever take. That fire, that anger-desire-passion-whatever that burned in you intensified until the music downstairs and the unfamiliar surroundings faded away, and all you could feel was him.

You rocked your hips forward, just to test his response, and he growled into your mouth with a ferocity you didn't expect, but loved anyway. Fuck, you'd do anything to hear that again, to hear it all the time. He pulled your hips into his, grinding against you in the process.

Suddenly, he twisted around so he was pressing you against the door with his body enveloping you. Anakin trailed down from your lips to your jaw to your neck. The little nips and wet kisses were driving you wild, so you decided to return the favor and snaked your hand down his chest, which was shockingly hard and muscular, until you reached the hem of his shirt. Your fingers toyed with the edges where his skin met the soft cotton, and you could feel his ragged intake of breath when you trailed even further up. He pulled away, his breathing still heavy. You thought and hoped he would take his shirt off. To show you what you'd seen on the rare times his shirt had ridden up while he took off a hoodie or jacket. Instead, he just looked at you and stopped.

"Fuck me, please," you whispered into the room. For a moment, he looked like he was strongly considering it, and you found yourself praying he would say yes.

"How many drinks have you had?"

"I don't know, like four? Does it matter?" You shrugged. "It doesn't change that I want you," you whispered in a way you hoped was seductive. Anakin got off you so quickly that you were almost hurt, but he still remained close enough that it soothed the sting.

"I'm sorry. It's going to kill me to say this, but we shouldn't do this now. I've only had one drink and you're clearly not thinking straight," he said. His eyes were so full of concern that you almost didn't get mad at him. Almost.

"No, I'm thinking very straight. I'll say the alphabet backwards if you want," you offered, getting closer to him again. He took another step back.

"I'm talking about your decisions. I don't want to have sex, and then have you wake up in the morning and regret it. Just--let's go back to yours." He caught the look in your eye, which clearly meant that yes, you would indeed like to go back to your place, then hurried to add more.

"Not like that. You go to sleep. I'll stay in your living room. In the morning, if you still want to do this, I'll fuck you right then and there." Anakin rumbled the last words out so intently, so full of promise, that you finally conceded.

"Fine, let's go. But as soon as I wake up, I'll take you up on that. And then I'm going to the lab. I've gotta get back to work," you said, letting him past you to open the door for you. Anakin chuckled.

"Maybe you're more sober than I thought." The two of you went back down the hallway, past the other closed doors to the staircase, which was somehow even sweatier than you remembered, then past the living room to the entrance. Anakin's hand was clasped around yours the entire time, to make sure he didn't lose you, and you found that, actually, you didn't mind the contact. You wanted to do it a lot, even sometimes outside of sex. But that was the tequila talking. In fact, the tequila was doing a lot of talking right now, and the world was a little bit wobbly and fluid. Your head was heavy, and you found yourself stumbling a few times in your impractical heels.

Somehow, in all the chaos, Anakin found Rex by the entrance. You couldn't hear every word he said, but you caught "too drunk," "going home," and "make sure Ahsoka gets home safely." The 15 minute walk home passed by in a blur because you were a bit too distracted by the smell of Anakin's jacket around your shoulders. You really were stumbling around, and Anakin had to catch you a few times, but you made it back to your dorm in one piece.

This time, instead of going to the west elevator, Anakin followed you to the east, then up, up, all the way until you got to the tenth floor. Your key scraped against the lock, and you could hear Anakin's impatient sigh as you missed the hole again. You finally got it in, then got into your apartment and immediately flopped face-first onto your bed. Everything was a muddled mess after that. Anakin helped you take your shoes off, though not without making fun of you for being so drunk first, and then handed you a makeup wipe. You slapped it across your face a few times, then tossed it to the side. With a quick "good night," Anakin was about to leave your bedroom to crash on the living room couch.

"C'mere," you called, sitting up and stopping him in his tracks. He approached the bed, then sat down next to you until you put your head on his shoulder. This was bad, you knew, but it felt, for a moment, like that didn't matter. "Stay." Your voice was so small, so quiet. Vulnerable.

"I want to, but, no, I really should--" You interrupted him, still a little drunk and groggy but definitely annoyed. Could the bastard stop trying to be chivalrous for one second?

"If you don't stay, I am gonna dunk your Arduino in water. After you've soldered it." The threat was slightly diminished by the way you nuzzled his shoulder, but it worked anyway. Anakin was always a sucker. His deep sigh confirmed it.

"Fine. Just--oh God this is weird--let me take off my jeans if I'm going to sleep in a bed." You nodded and watched as he stood up, then unbuttoned them and pulled them down so he was in loose boxers and his t-shirt. His strong legs were on display, and you filed the image away for later as he crawled in behind you on the tiny twin bed. Your bed was shoved into the corner of the room, so he had to smush himself between you and the wall, but he managed it with only minimal complaining. He was so warm, so big and comforting. Maybe this was the relaxation you needed tonight, not a stupid party. Maybe you could do this more often. Anakin put his arm around your stomach, pulling you into him. Yup, you definitely had to do this more often. His breath tickled the back of your neck delightfully, and his bare legs felt incredible against yours.

"Is this okay?" You didn't have time to answer with anything more than a mhmm before you fell asleep. It was the most restful sleep you had in months, but that wasn't because of Anakin. Maybe it was. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't so bad. Maybe you liked him a bit, when he wasn't being an ass. But that was probably the tequila talking. It was the tequila, really.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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[babysukiii]

fallingforyou (1)

lottie x fem!reader enemies to lovers au <3

// lottie matthew’s does not like you. you’re annoying, preppy, and way too nice. lottie doesn’t fail to show you time after time just how much she hates you. you finally get the message and steer clear of her, until senior year, when you both get paired up for a science project. //

i’ll never make it right (if you don’t want me ‘round)

you don’t really know why lottie matthews hates you, but she does. she has since freshman year, and up until senior year, nothing changes. lottie isn’t known for being a mean person… in fact, she’s actually very nice. but for some reason, she just hates you. you don’t really know what you did, or why she treats you like you’re absolute garbage… but she does. you aren’t really the type to beg or try to make someone like you, especially someone popular and rich like charlotte isobel matthews.

you’ve never really been popular at all. your best friend is natalie mary scatorccio, and you’re mostly friends with the ‘nerds’ and ‘dorks’. you’re even friends with a few theater kids. everyone at school knows who you are, but you aren’t really interested in your social status. in fact, sometimes in lottie’s opinion it was almost like you didn’t care at all. you walked around so carefree and unapologetically yourself… lottie for some reason hated that. she hated that while she had to take her meds, and act like someone she’s not; you get to be whoever the hell you want.

today though, everyone around lottie matthews was feeling her wrath. it wasn’t unusual for lottie to be catty, or snappy when someone deserved it, but today it seemed as if the yellowjackets sweeper was angry at everyone and everything. you were steering clear of her since this morning and natalie noticed the way you had been avoiding her as well. it wasn’t unlike you to try and avoid lottie; she was unnecessarily mean and always had a sardonic response to whatever you had to say, but you never avoided natalie.

“jesus christ, what the fuck is wrong with you today, matthews?” mari asks in frustration after falling right on her ass. lottie had just knocked her out of the way in order to get the ball during practice. mari was currently glaring up at lottie from the grass she had landed on. “get your head in the game, and maybe this wouldn’t be a problem.” lottie responds in a way that everyone recognizes. she’s clearly in a mood and it causes the girls to exchange looks of uncertainty. coach scott blows his whistle as soon as mari stands up.

“alright, that’s enough practice for today. everyone get changed and go home.” he dismisses the girls who all sigh in a bit of relief. as everyone begins to get off the field, tai makes her way up to natalie; jackie not too far behind. “hey, what’s wrong with lot?” tai asks in a whisper, as they all rush into the locker room. “she’s just being an ass because ms. weinstein paired her up with y/n for a chemistry project.” natalie says, and mari groans. “what does that have to do with us??” the raven haired girl complains.

“why can’t she just ask ms. weinstein for a new partner?” jackie asks and natalie smirks, “y/n already tried. i think that’s why lottie’s pissed.” natalie states, and jackie throws her head back and lets out a laugh. “oh wow, that’s a new one. y/n wanting to switch partners? she’s gonna get lottie an easy ‘A’ and lottie’s being a di—“ jackie cuts herself off as soon as lottie begins to walk up to them; a scowl etched onto her face. “you assholes do realize that my locker is right on the other side of yours right? i can hear everything.” the taller girl points out.

you used to always try to talk to her. you’d smile at her, and compliment her outfits. yet she’d always scowl at you or have a clear expression of annoyance, and say something harsh. she noticed you stopped smiling at her in the middle of junior year. this year, you’ve barely even spared her a glance. lottie didn’t even think you realized you were both in ms. weinstein’s class together, but apparently you did. “you’re not the only person who’s unhappy about who you got paired up with. it’s just a few weeks. try not to be such a cunt about it.” natalie says seriously, and lottie rolls her eyes in response.

“i can’t help it if she’s insufferable.” the taller girl mumbles under her breath, causing mari to shake her head and make a face. “she’s insufferable?” mari asks sarcastically as she finishes getting dressed. “i think y/n is nice. she let me copy off all her notes in trig last month.” shauna shrugs as she brushes her in the mirror inside of her locker. “yeah, she remembered my dog had surgery during the summer and she brought me a bag of treats for him when the year started.” akilah pipes up, causing lottie to scoff.

“okay, so she remembered a few things you said, and she let you cheat off her work. who cares? she’s still annoying.” lottie states before swinging her duffle bag over her shoulder and walking out. natalie shakes her head, slamming her locker shut. “i swear if she so much as makes y/n shed a single tear, i’m kicking her ass.” natalie says in a tone so serious, nobody dares question it. though, most of the girls knew how sensitive you were; everyone did. it was only a matter of time before lottie actually did hurt your feelings.

the next day at school, you and lottie have yet to discuss anything about the project. you two haven’t even decided on a topic, and you’ve never been unprepared for a school assignment before. but right now, your pride was too important to you. you didn’t want to be the bigger person and cordially talk to lottie. you’ve tried that; you’ve done nothing but try and be polite or nice. yet all of your efforts have been rewarded with rude comments or bratty behavior. so you were done trying.

“okay i want you all to get into your pairs and talk about the project you should’ve gotten started on yesterday.” ms. weinstein announces, causing you to nearly sink into your chair. you can feel a pair of dark eyes on you, and you look over in lottie’s direction to see her already staring at you. as if she’s waiting for you to make the first move. you internally sigh, realizing that you’re probably going to have to be the bigger person again.

finally, you get up and hesitantly make your way over to the empty seat beside lottie. “hi.” you greet her a bit quietly, and she nods, “hey.” she retorts in a low, uncaring manner. you take a breath, “maybe we could do a study of saponification reactions. it’s just an option, i honestly don’t care what topic we do.” you admit and she nods, thankfully not saying anything rude yet. “we can do that. i don’t care either.” her voice is curt and the answers are short. you nod slowly as you open your notebook to the next blank page, and label it.

lottie notices you use a blue color pen to label it, and then a black one to take actual notes with. you have a whole bunch of colored pens in different colors for your notes, and how prim and proper your writing was seemed to irk her too. then her eyes seem to dance up to your face; the way your brows creased together in slight concentration. your hair was a bit frizzy during this time of day because school was almost over, and lottie could smell your overwhelmingly girly perfume. it smells like vanilla.

“did you want to work on this at your place or mine?” you wonder out loud, the pen never leaving the paper. “yours.” lottie answers way too quickly, but thankfully you don’t say anything about it. you nod, “okay. here’s my address and the number to my landline in my room.” you say as you turn to a new page, and write your phone number and home address down. you tear the page out when your done, and hand it to lottie who says nothing as she takes it.

lottie pauses for a moment, thinking about how much she hates her house. she wonders if maybe you hate yours too. “we could work in the library if you don’t want to work at your place.” the noirette actually sounds considerate as she says this, and you look surprised for just a second, before offering this shy smile that she hadn’t seen directed at her for nearly a year and half now. “it’s okay! i don’t mind working at my place. my little sister practices the violin after school sometimes… but she’ll be quiet if i ask.” you assure her and lottie only nods in response.

“anything else you wanna warn me about?” she inquires a bit sarcastically, and you nod. “my older sister is kind of a bitch.” you say bluntly, taking lottie by surprise. she’s never once heard you curse. at all. you can’t help but laugh lightly at her reaction, “she’s not that bad though…” you trail off before the bell rings, and you immediately start putting your things into your backpack. “wait, when did you wanna start?” lottie questions, and you shrug. “whenever your free after school just come over.” you assure her and she furrows her brows as she stands up.

“but your debate club—” she starts and you cut her off, “i quit last month. i’ll see you later!” you rush out of the room before lottie can say another word. she huffs; this was going to be a horrid few weeks.

[stiltonbasket]

stilton I love all the sv fics you've been posting lately 🥺 will you be posting more in the future?

I have two multichapter SVSSS WIPs (A Wife by Any Other Name and my ongoing LOTR-inspired Bingqiu fic), and I plan to post around six more oneshots for the SVSSS Gotcha for Gaza. After that, though, my SVSSS writing days will likely come to an end! :')

I do have a Qijiu age gap AU in the works; but my (countless, at this point) MDZS projects take priority, so this one might not ever see the light of day. I've attached a few scenes below the cut, in case anyone is interested. <3

Short background: in this AU, Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu met when they were fifteen and five years old respectively, when YQY (then a kitchen slave) took little Shen Jiu off the streets and hid him in an abandoned wing of his master's manor. They were separated when SJ was discovered, and Yue Qingyuan was badly beaten and thrown out of the estate while Shen Jiu managed to escape and ended up being sold to the Qius a few years later. When they reunited at the Immortal Alliance Conference, YQY had been Qiong Ding's head disciple for nearly a decade and had just earned the right to accept disciples of his own, so SJ became YQY's disciple and went back to Cang Qiong with him.

Shen Jiu later realizes that he and SY!SQQ (head disciple/future peak lord of Qing Jing) are brothers; the following scenes mostly concern his relationship with Shen Yuan.

scene 1, set shortly after Shen Jiu comes to Cang Qiong and discovers that he and Shen Qingqiu are related:

This soft-eyed, fair-faced fool—he could never have lived through the trials Shen Jiu and his Qi-ge had endured, no matter how strong his cultivation, or how fine his calligraphy, or how well he swayed the hearts of men to bow to his every whim—

“Oh,” Shen Qingqiu murmurs, his voice full of such pain that Qi-ge makes a sound of distress behind him. “Of course. They must have had another child after they sold me away.”

Shen Jiu stares. “What? You were…”

“There was a drought in the second-to-last dog year, before you were born,” Shen Qingqiu says distantly, unfolding his fan and placing it over his mouth. “I was the third son, and born sickly—so when the slavers came to Jinan, they told Father that I was quick-witted and handsome enough to serve a lordling in a great house, and that I would have all the food I wanted and medicine to treat my infirmity as long as I did not make too much of a nuisance of myself. So I was sold and taken away.”

He casts a thoughtful glance at Shen Jiu’s sharp nose and smooth jaw, and then at the mole behind his left ear. “The sixth year after that was a bad year, too. You must have been sold then.”

Shen Jiu wants to tell this cheap brother of his that he had not even been sold, for the slavers had wanted nothing to do with a three-year-old infant scarcely out of babyhood. His mother was long-dead by then, and his father and the two kept brothers had resented her for bearing Shen Jiu and hated Shen Jiu for not having died before he was weaned: so there was no one to protest when his father carried him out of their shack while he slept and abandoned him in an alley a few miles away. If this heretofore-unknown third elder brother, Shen Yuan, had not been pretty enough to catch the eyes of the Jinan slavers, perhaps their father would have done the same to him.

scene 2, set about a year later, after Shen Jiu finds out that Yue Qingyuan's personal name Yue Qi is not written with the character for "seven" in CQM's sect records:

“Qi was good enough for Qi-ge.”

“Yue Qi’s name was changed when he entered the sect,” Shen Qingqiu tells him. “The Qi that Shixiong uses now comes from qi xi, for a bird resting on a perch.”

Shen Jiu turns around to stare accusingly at Yue Qinguan. “You never told me that you’d changed your name. Why did I have to find out from—from Senior Shen?”

“Ah, well,” Yue Qingyuan says awkwardly, “Shizun was the one who decided that the Qi for seven wasn’t worthy of a Qiong Ding Peak disciple, and then I became the head disciple, and my name was changed again, to Qingyuan. I haven’t signed my name with the new Qi in years. But, A-Jiu, I do think that Shidi is right; it’ll be years before you can become a head disciple, and in that time…”

“Should I use the jiu for ‘a long while,’ then?” Shen Jiu quips. “Or jiu zhi?”

Shen Qingqiu snaps his fan closed. “No. How practiced are you in the scholarly arts?”

“I do well enough,” Shen Jiu bristles. Reading, writing, and the reciting of poetry were the three subjects that came to him easily after he entered the sect; and though he had been near the bottom of the class when he first arrived, his weekly reports placed him at the top by the beginning of the second month. “Ask Qi-ge.”

“Then why not use the name Jiu’ge, after the second volume of the Chuci?” Shen Qingqiu asks. “What do you think, shixiong?”

“I think Jiu'ge is a fine name. But it’s no good if Xiao-Jiu doesn’t like it.”

Shen Jiu thinks for a moment. In truth, he had wanted Yue Qi to bestow a new name upon him, if it so happened that he needed one. He gave Shen Jiu the very first name he remembers, Xiao Lizi, after the plums that Yue Qi used to smuggle to him when he was a child in the Huang manor; but he does not entirely detest the thought of this strange elder brother, thrown away just as he was, choosing the name Shen Jiu will be known by in the future.

“It’s not bad,” he admits at last. “Very well, then. Let it be Jiu’ge.”

[jisungsbff01]

.1.

.like i need you. 1.

...pairing…Chan x reader

...w.c... 2.7K

...genre…slice-of-life, college au!

...warnings...swearing, mentions of insomnia, stress

...characters...Y/N, (OC) Lilith, (OC) June, Chan, Hyunjin, (Han and I.N mentioned)

...synopsis...No one ever really knows what they wanna do in their 20s, but Y/N has always known what she was going to do. So, she began the journey to her dream and is so close to reaching it with no distractions at all. Until she is thrown into a project with Hyunjin, a fellow senior in college, and he introduces her to a few of his friends...connecting with one in particular...

Her whole plan is soon thrown off the track she’s had it on for 21 years….

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“So, how many exams do you two have left for this week?” June voiced across from Lilith and me as she sipped on her latte. 

I snort sounded out to my left and my red-haired friend spoke a little louder than she probably meant to, causing a few pedestrians to glance in our direction, “FOUR, and Professor Leslie is riding my ass for my grade…I do have a life outside of college!”

The three of us chuckled to another as we continued to talk about how our classes have been since we last saw another, our trio has been wrapped up in perfecting each of our majors to even think about a time-out. With Lilith having a major final in her choreography class; she has to choreograph her own dance with a person from a producing and songwriting class. This trio-final rests heavily on all three of their grades. June has been up in the kitchen cooking up storms of various dishes for her major final, Lilith and me being her taste testers. Me on the other hand, I’m in a similar boat as Lilith, only…my choreographer,Hyunjin, was short a songwriter.So, I have to both produce and songwrite for this project. I somehow managed to wrap the him into helping me write the lyrics as well, giving the pair of us extra credit rather than just myself. Hyunjin has proved himself competent enough, both of us have spent more time together than I am able to sleep these days. He’s even brought me in to the choreography area of it, letting me add in a few touches of my own. 

I swear I talk to him more than I’ve talked to either of my friends in front of me. Although, the two of them have heard the many stories between the pair of us, and vice versa with Lilith. Whom of which has found herself hating the hell out of my partner, even though her two partners are both best friends with him and roomates as well. So, she sees quite a bit of him…

I have yet to meet any of Hyunjin’s roommates or friends, I’ve only met a couple of his friends, one of them being my brother…the other being their youngest of the group who took us out for coffee since we pulled an all-nighter the other day. 

I let the two of my friends converse with each other about how close each of them are to finishing their major finals…while I feel like Hyunjin and I are so behind. Just then, I get a text from the devil himself:

H: What class block do you have today?

M: I’m done with everything I need done for today, what’s up?

H: I was checking in to see when you wanted to link for the final?

M: I can meet you in about 30, I’m catching up with my girls right now.

H: Take your time, I know you don’t meet them much lately! I’ll meet you at the studio lobby so we can check in our time.

M:Sounds good, I’ll see you then!

H:Tell Lilith I said ‘hi’ ;)

I smirk as I slide my phone into my bag as face the ladies in front of me,”Lils, Hyunjin said ‘hi’, by the way.” 

Lilith rolls her eyes as she takes a chug of her boba through the thick straw, “What is with him? I’ve told him sooo many times already I don’t like him and to leave me the hell alone, I already hear the stories of him getting around, I’m not about to be another notch on his bedpost.”

I look at June and give her a glance through my lashes, a knowing look. Lilith loves to say she won’t give in because she’s heard the stories, but I’ve also heard the truth…Hyunjin has hooked up with one girl and it didn’t go well because he got so nervous that he ghosted her. Since then, he’s just thrown himself into perfecting his craft and he’s definitely been perfecting it. June and I have spoke on several occasions about it, rooting that one day Lilith will let my new found friend in, she’s been hurt too many times by many people and I know Hyunjin would be a good match for her. So, on the down low, I’ve been doing my best to play ‘Cupid’. 

“He’s really not all that bad, I’ve never had this much fun and ease collaborating with another class before and he’s really good at what he does-and a gentleman about it most of all.” I state with a teasing tone. 

“That’s because he has that face…you know, that face…can-make-you-believe-anything-kinda-face.” Lilith struggles to find words as she tries so hard to sound confident letting this out in a quick breath.

I break the blinding silence we sit in for a couple of minutes by suddenly speaking, “Speaking of, I actually have to meet him in a few minutes in the studio, you two, if you need anything just call me-one of us will answer. I love you, get back to the apartment safely please!” 

I give each girl a quick kiss on the cheek as I dash out to the bus stop a couple of blocks down. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I get to the studio lobby with five minutes to spare, finding Hyunjin on one of the study chairs with his headphones over his ears-grey hoodie covering his long hair. I check-in with the receptionist on the last studio slot available, grab him and head to the door. Once we get to the door, he drops his headphones to his shoulders and asks me how my time with my girls went. I swipe the entry card as I span through our brief time together with a wistful smile. I sit in the producer’s chair as he makes himself comfortable on the couch behind me, “You miss them, huh?” 

I nod and turn to my counterpart, “Yeah, we always usually eat dinner together at the apartment and every week we usually have a night out or game night where we don’t do much…but lately we’ve all been too stressed or busy. Granted each of those were my ideas, so who knows…maybe they’re glad they don’t have to do those until we aren’t busy anymore.”

He violently shakes his head, “If either of them love you just as much as you clearly love them, then they miss you just as much.”

A hum makes it’s way out of my throat and I turn back to the workstation and begin to run back through our work once I pull it up. 

We are working for two hours before he offers a break, he can tell I am not satisfied with what we have and that I am getting irritated with myself. 

“Hyun, I can’t stop where we are, I have so much to edit, I kind of wanna scrap this section. It just doesn’t sound good. A song should not take as long as I have spent on this one.” I let out as I massage the base of my skull, about to press play for a full run-through of what we have. Hyunjin grabs my hand, restraining it and before I can protest, he speaks, “Okay, I get it, trust me…but we need food at least, yeah?”

I nod in response, “Why don’t you go grab something to eat and maybe I can get somewhere with this?”

He mocks my response, but gives in…takes my order and leaves the room so I can chug this slow-moving train along. I honestly feel so bad that he got stuck with me, I’ve dabbled in a few songwriting classes, but never wanted to commit to them. He swears that I’m a genius with the pen, but I think he was just buttering me up to play nice. After a few edits on the soundboard, I step into the studio and begin recording soft adlibs. My throat starts to feel tight and dry from lack of hydration, so I step out and grab a sip of water before restarting the recording and redo the short clip. Once I hear the music stop in the single headphone I had pressed to my ear, I hear cheering over the mic from Hyunjin, “Yes,” he drags out, “it sounded so heavenly, so lovely…and I hope you don’t mind me bringing in a friend of mine, he’s a couple studios down and I asked for his advice. You know what they say about an arist not seeing the beauty in their work, so I brought the audience, so maybe you will finally believe my words.”

He can be so dramatic sometimes, grabbing his chest and making a pained face like I just stabbed him. I see someone to the side, but am unable to see their face due to the glare in the window. I step out of the recording booth and am met with a wide smile and a handshake from a man that is about a head taller than me. He sports a hoodie similar to Hyunjin’s-just in black-a ball cap, and sweats. I recognize him from my Producing class, he sits just a row in front of me and I’ve had a slight crush on him for a few months now-too scared to approach him. There’s no way he’s single…

I firmly grasp his hand in return and introduce myself, “I’m Y/N, I’m Hyunjin’s final partner.”

He responds with a squeeze of my hand, “Chris, Hyunjin’s friend and roommate…well one of them.”

I giggle slightly, the sound almost foreign to me, “Nice to finally meet you, Chris, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

If looks could kill, Hyunjin would be dead. My friend holds his hands up, a sign of his innocence and I grab Chris’ attention again, “No, Hyun has only told me who you are to him, you’re actually partnered up with one of my best friends for the final, Lilith.”

That lights up his face, “Ahh, she’s a good one, we cut up well. Her and Han fight like brother and sister so often, I feel like a father.” 

I raise my brows in a not-so-suprised expression, “Sounds about right, I’m gonna apologise on her behalf, I know she can be a handful. You should see how she is about getting up in the morning, I feel like a mom,” I laugh…missing the company of my friend, “granted, she doesn’t sleep well, if at all. Now my other roommate, I swear she sleeps enough for all three of us.”

It’s at that moment,  I realize that our hands were still clasped in front of us. I suddenly let go and turn around, trying not to meet either of their eyes and sit in the chair in front of me as I change the subject, “ So if you’re up to it, I can show you a few seconds of the track.”

Chris brings up the other chair from the corner of the room and sits to the right of me. I press play and let the R&B inspired beat flow through the speakers. Hyunjin and I both agreed, after looking at thousands of dance videos, that his dance style would look beautiful with a sensual r&b vibe and we went from there. I gauge Chris’ reaction and I am horrified by how openly disgusted this man looks about the track. I stop it where it feels right and his face then changes suddenly, “This is so raw and beautiful…why do you hate it? Hyunjin said you thought about scrapping the whole thing-do you realize how good he’s gonna look dancing to this?”

I am stunned for a moment, does he need a mirror? Did he know the face he was making five seconds ago? Before I can get my words out, Hyunjin interrupts me, “Y/N, he likes it, trust me-the face you saw…that’s his “this shit’s really good” face. I know, I’ve talked to him about it, he’s made that face to my dancing before and I almost cried. He’s not lying, promise.”

I spin around, “Hyunjin, it’s not that hard to make you cry.” 

He made a gesture to me and Chris put his hand on my shoulder as he got up, “Trust me, it’s good, I’m not a very good liar-ask him.” He begins to walk away and he leans in my ear, speaking low enough that only I hear him, “Don’t throw it away, if anything, put it out.”

And he walks out the door, closing it gently behind him. 

Hyunjin all but jumps on me, “You like him, yeah?”

I shook my head and begin stuttering, “ Hyunjin, I don’t even know him.”

He cackles for a moment before speaking breathily, “I mean the way he works! You perv!!”

Now embarrassed, I turn and just respond with a short ‘mhm’ and he and I continue working. I strictly speak about the project, but he consistently brings up Chris and somehow I redirect it back to the track. He eventually drops it and we go back and forth for another two hours after we eat.

Being the gentleman he is, he drove me to my shared apartment and made sure I made it in okay since it was pretty dark out and out corner streetlight was out until further notice. I bid my friend good-bye and grabbed my eyes off my belt to unlock the door to my home. Suddenly I am being bombarded by my two friends with so many questions as soon as I walk through the door. Holding my hand up, palm facing them, I take off my coat and my shoes before going to the kitchen in silence to grab a quick drink. Lilith and June stand on the opposite side of our kitchen island and both speak at the same time again. 

“Okay, okay, one at a time please!” I shout, a headache coming on from the chaos.

June gestures for Lilith to speak first, “Bitch, you didn’t tell us you met with Chris today!”

“He soooo likes you, Y/Nnie.” June speaks up.

I look at the two across from me in confusion, “What? He was in the studio for all of 8 minutes…I was in there for about four and a half hours, he doesn’t know me enough to like me.”

They both look at each other with the same expression, then back to me as Lilith begins again, “Really? Because those 8 minutes must be seared into his brain then, because he was late for our little choreo session…I mean HAN of all people was there before him, Chris is never late. And when he got there he was all jokey and smiley. I’ve spent enough time with this man to know he isn’t always like that, in fact, he’s rarely like that unless he is with all his boys, so shut up. You two are made for each other.”

8 minutes. That’s all we spent together and these two lunatics are jumping to a relationship, they truly are crazy…

I scoff, “Yeah, and you and Hyunjin are gonna get together. It was 8 minutes, guys. If the man spends even a fraction of his time doing what I do, then it was probably his first time seeing a girl in weeks, chill.”

The both of them hold their hands up, knowing I’m done with the conversation and they each go to their rooms in silence. Suddenly my phone goes off and it’s Hyunjin:

H: So how do you feel about our friend groups meeting this week? 

M:I’d have to talk to the girls, but I’m sure they’re already down…

H: Good, all three of you need a break and to spend time together again. Also…Chris has mentioned you a total of three times since I’ve been home.

M: You’re funny, Hyun. Go get some sleep and I’ll let you know when we’re all free in the morning.

H: Say what you will, but if anyone else came to compliment your work, it would’ve taken a lot more time to convince you how good it is already.

M: He’s in my Producing class, and I know that he knows what he’s talking about, he’s really good at what he does, so I’m taking his advice.

H:Mhm. Say what you will…I say a month.

M:??

H: You’ll see, I’ll see you in the morning for choreo, angel!

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Let me know what you thought! I was really nervous about posting this one...hoping to make it a series!! Thank you so much for reading!

[lilapplesheadcannons]

r/AmITheAsshole: u/throwaway478wwx

AITA if I tell my "husband" I love him?

Throw away because my siblings and friends are here. Don't roll your eyes, please. It's very complicated. So I (34M) have been married to my incredible husband Z (34M) for the last 8 years. We went to the same high school but actually ran into different circles. Z, who was a straightA student, didn't like me and my friend circle. Things worsened after I accidentally ruined his science fair project. High school ended with bad blood between us. His older brother, who was a few years senior to us, was my sister's classmate, and he tried to mediate between us, but Z really hated me and would get huffy every time we met.

We met again in Uni. Z seemed more open to the idea of a civil relationship, and things improved tremendously once I gifted him 2 rabbits for his birthday. Z had the cutest crush on our classmate M and would get so flustered when I asked him about M.

In our final year, all of us got very drunk in a party, and I lost the drinking game. As a punishment, I was tasked with safely escorting Z back to our dorm. Just my luck, for such a calm and self-controlled person, Z is an agent of chaos when drunk. We broke into the nearby aquarium to look at the sting-rays, went into a Mcdonald where Z proceeded to buy all the chicken wings as a gift for me and tried to fight a mirror for 'staring at the love of his life'. I somehow managed to calm him down and took him back to the dorm.

Fast forward a year, M suddenly announced her relationship with someone else. I was extremely surprised, but not only Z stoically bore the news, the rest of my friends were very chill about it too. In fact, they seemed more annoyed at me for making a fuss. My angel of a sister, who never spoke a harsh word in her life, told me I was lucky I was so stinking cute.

I tried my best to support Z in this difficult time. We spent most of our free time together. In fact, I invited Z to my sister's wedding to cheer him up. Incidentally, we kinda discovered a big conspiracy to harm Z's brother and his boyfriend, and Z's family was very taken with me. His mom started to joke that she'll steal me to be her own son. Even Z's very stern uncle seemed to soften up.

Finally, M announced her wedding when we were 26. I hastily planned a trip as a means to distract Z. We backpacked and hiked. One night, we got roaring drunk and woke up the next day in bed with each other. Even worse, drunk us thought it was a good idea to apply for a marriage certificate online and make an announcement on Facebook that we were getting married. Our families were blowing up our phones. They asked us how could we do this? How could we exclude them from the happiest day of our life and not give them the chance to celebrate? Before our hungover brains could explain anything, Z's brother was dispatched to retrieve us, and our parents were looking at the wedding venue and cakes.

Our mothers combined are a force to reckon with. I tried to explain things, but mom said she thought she raised me better, and Z's otherwise very kind brother told me he'd feed me into a woodchipper if I backed out of the wedding.

Long story short, we got married that spring. We planned to let things settle a bit, but disaster struck. A friend of ours had a baby cousin whose parents suddenly passed away in an accident. The baby's nearest kin was his grandma, who was very frail and terminal, and my friend didn't have the means to support the baby. Z and I promptly applied to adopt the baby.

Our little radish is almost 9 this year. Z is not only a great dad, but he's an incredibly good husband, too. He's kind, warm, sweet, and patient. He's a wonderful cook. We are compatible in every way, and I mean every possible way. My parents love him. And I think I have fallen in love with him too. But would I be an asshole if I told him that I loved him? We have a good thing going on here. I don't want to rock the boat.

Update 1: Thank you so much for your kind words. I have decided to confess to my husband. Wish me luck.

Update 2: To the person who DMed me calling me "so dumb that light can enter through one ear and exit via another," JC, I know your writing style. Push your luck, and the whole of reddit will know what happened in our third year.

Update 3: So, I told Z that I loved him. He was reading our baby boy's half yearly report. Have I told you guys how handsome he looks with his glasses on? He raised his eyes and said, " And I love 'my name' too. Always have." So I guess that's settled? We have been in love for the last decade? That's good. Thank you for all your support. And I love you too, Jie.

[ashecampos]

The ‘heart breaker’ and the ‘self centred’

Janis ‘Imi’ike x reader

Warnings : corse language, mention of past breakups. Enemies to lovers??maybe

(I’m so sorry if this is bad, I am currently high on pain and cold meds to try and get over this flu I have <3 also pls ignore how it switches from 1st to 3rd person so much)

You had heard the rumors about the infamous north shore high, everyone had. Little did you know, you would soon be apart of one of these rumors.

Moving schools was not on your list for the things you expected from the year. You had officially been expelled from your last school due to an incident that was not at all your fault. Now all you had to do was survive senior year at a new school where you only knew two people, one being your best friend, the other being a person you hated with your entire being. Janis ‘Imi’ike.

You and Janis go way back. Like as in third grade. You hated her and she hated you, end of story. Or was it?

It was now Sunday night, you and your best friend Tessa are on FaceTime and she is getting you up to speed with the north shore gossip.

“Soo Regina and the plastics aren’t bitches anymore, everyone is friends like in middle school and there isn’t much drama. Got it?” She says finishing her rant. A pen and paper in her hand with a map of all the drama you had missed on it.

“Mh everyone is queer, no drama, Janis still hates me, Regina isn’t a mega bitch, you and Aaron are fucking and me now starting fresh at your school totally isn’t going to cause any drama at all. Gotcha” I say while grabbing more paint from a shelf at the store. She nods silently then going on another rant about how Aaron and Shane are going to make a group chat with everyone im going to meet tomorrow in it, I nod while walking around. Until I bump into someone, their notepad nearly dropping to the floor but i managed to catch it somehow. Apologising profusely i look the person in the eye and my heart stops, blood running cold. Not even a foot away stands Janis ‘Imi’ike in all her glory. I stand there for a few seconds, the notepad held out for her to take but it seems that she is having the same reaction to this awfully awkward situation. She takes a second to scoff before grabbing the notepad and walking past, our shoulders brushing past each other “since when did you move back to Evanston?”she mutters before vanishing to the next isle. What the fuck.? Of all people you could’ve ran into it had to be her didn’t it? You thought “you did not just literally bump into she who shan’t be named” Tessa interrupts your thoughts to only add onto the embarrassment your feeling. “Shut the fuck up tess” i say as the girl on the other end of the call is in the middle of a laughing fit. I speed walk to the cash register and pay for my supplies before practically sprinting home. Anything to get away from Janis before I have to put up with her for the rest of the school year.

The night went quicker than I’d like to admit, I painted a little, lost track of time and ended up dozing off with my head on my desk. The next day came and I now stand in my closet, Tessa stood with me looking for the appropriate outfit that doesn’t scream ‘I got suspended from my last school and I don’t want to be at this school’. “Hm how about this” she picks up a pink shirt earning a disgusted look from me. She groans putting the T-shirt back and sitting on my bed and shrugging “just wear a band tee or something” she says. “Just wear a band tee or something” I mock while grabbing some baggy jeans from my closet, I scan my shirts before smirking and grabbing a button up shirt and a vest. “Gay” Tessa shouts at me, laughing and pointing at my doc martens “wear those” she says with a smirk.

The thing is me and Tessa are polar opposites, shes the most girly girl you will ever meet. Whereas I look like I just stepped out of a hot topic store. She was apart of the plastics before project ‘destroy queen bee’ was put into motion. She had stated many times how much she despised what Cady done to Regina. And even though I wasn’t apart of the school or had no reason to know the drama or what went down, oh she kept me updated. I even went to see Regina after she was hit by the bus. Which got me an one way ticket to Regina’s good side. You see being friends with Tessa can be a struggle seeming that she is the popular it girl, or the girl next door per say, however o wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Oi y/n/n Shane is making the group chat now, then we are going to meet up with everyone at the front of the school”

Moments after she said that my phone vibrates, I look at it while changing into my jeans.

*Shane Oman added you into ‘norths-whores hottest’ groupchat* I laugh a little at the name, so does Tessa as she starts typing away.

(NORTH-WHORES HOTTEST)

Tessi 🪽: “hey bitches!! ready to meet north shores newest hottie?”

(8am)

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “as long as it doesn’t cause me to get hit with a bus this time”

Kay-dee ✨ : “I told you I was sorry for that reg”

Karen 💁🏽‍♀️ : “wait we have a new kid?”

Gretch 🪬: “yeah Tessa’s mysterious best friend is transferring because they got suspended from their last school”

Y/n/n 🌺: “should I be concerned how much you already know about me? Also hey guys”

Shane💪🏽: “don’t worry it’s her thing”

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “well then congratulations and welcomes are in order, speaking of orders what coffees does everyone want im making a pitstop at Starbucks”

Gretch💁🏽‍♀️ : “ooo I’ll have a Strawberry Acai Refresher and Karen will have a hot coco, thanks babe”

Shane💪🏽 : “caramel latte thx Reggie”

Tessi🪽: “hot coco for me too babe”

“Oh and y/n/n said they will have a iced chai with oat milk and brown sugar syrup and they said thankyou”

*Reginald 💁‍♀️liked tessi’s🪽message*

You where now driving both you and Tessa to the school, your palms where beyond sweaty and you felt the lump in your throat grow worse the closer you got to the school. Tessa was sat in the passenger seat belting out show tunes, as you guys did every day in the car. It was settling your nerves a little as you clutched the steering wheel, keeping your eyes on the road.

You pull up to the school with Tessa’s help as she directs you to where the parking lot is then directs you where to park. You see Regina’s pink jeep and Shane’s black Tesla parked next to each other so you park next to Shane upon Tessa’s request. The two of you get out of the car, simultaneously grabbing your bags and linking arms, you softly nudge her and put your sunglasses on, sniggering slightly “hey, we’re gonna rule the school” you say quoting grease like you do every year “hm yeah and how’s that went the past ten years you’ve said that?” She nudges you back cocking one of her brows “okay rude, but in my defence we haven’t been in the same school the past four years” you point at her “well let’s make this one count” she says before waving at a group who you recognise to be the infamous plastics and shane.

“Soo you must be y/n, god Tessa wasn’t lying your banging” Shane comes over, his hand outstretched for you to take, you press you hand against his and hug him, eventually letting go of the hug, he hands you your drink while another set of arms wrap around your torso making you laugh “hey Karen, I missed you too” you laugh hugging her with one arm while you hold your cup in the other. She looks up adorable as ever and smiles widely, seconds later her face drops “OH MY GOD YOU GOT A MULLET” she screams, pulling away, almost knocking your drink out of your hand, you laugh even harder as she runs her fingers through your hair, admiring the shaven sides of your head. “You like?” You say, she nods before unhanding you, she turns to another girl who you assume to be Karen’s girlfriend, Gretchen, the girl is pretty, clad in an academic fitting outfit, a plaid beige skirt and a white turtleneck, she was one of the prettiest girls here, she smiles at you, giving you a simple nod. You walk over and hug her, you then turn to Regina who practically tackles you in a hug. “Who’d you fight to get expelled this time?” She whispers into your ear making you smirk “legally I can’t say but don’t worry they got what they deserved” you say as you hug her back. She slaps your shoulder and gives you a stern look “no more fighting or I will make your life a living hell” she smirks back at you.

After a brief catchup you head to the principals office to grab your paper work and schedule which was only a quick pitstop due to the fact that you had been there yesterday to hand all your paperwork over to secure your place at the school. Once you got your schedule you went straight to home room which was your first class of the day, looking down at your schedule, you walk straight into the back of someone. “Dude watch where your- oh you have got to be fucking with me now” the person says just as you open your mouth to apologise.

There in front of you stands an angered Janis ‘Imi’ike, her face drops seeing you for a second time this week. She rolls her eyes “are you following me or some shit?” She says, earning an eye roll from you “oh ku'uipo, don’t flatter yourself, my world doesn’t revolve around you” you say while walking around the girl and into your home room class, she stays stood in the doorway for another moment seeming to be frozen in place before she snaps out of whatever trance you had managed to put her in and she then walks inside the room, taking the last available seat, the one in front of you. Just before she sits herself down you manage to catch a glimpse of her face, red with a bit of a flustered expression. You grin a little acknowledging the fact you still had that affect on her after so many years.

Home room drags, the teacher is sweet though, she introduces you to everyone and proudly embarrasses you by telling the class you won the state art competition last fall which in turn earns a look from Janis who’s eyes have never left you since the teacher pulled you to the front of the class. As soon as the bell chimes your out of there having endured enough embarrassment for one person to handle. You make it your mission to get out before Janis can. I then go looking for my next class. Chemistry. You walk in expecting to be in a class full of randos but to your surprise and dismay you walk into the class to find the class full of your newfound friend group and Janis. Of course. The teacher strides in pointing at the whiteboard where a seating chart is etched into. You look for your name as the rest of your group goes and sits down, you smirk a little when you see that you are all on one table. Not bothering to look who else is on the table you go sit without hesitation. “So how was everyone’s first class?” You start, everyone groans seeming to already be put off only an hour into the week. “Oh I have some gossip for ya..oh hey Janis” Gretchen says which makes your face drop. You whip your head around praying it’s not the Janis you think it is, yet there she stands. All colour drains from your face, you look at Tessa for help but she is too busy trying not to die of laughter. Regina seems to have a similar reaction to yours with the girl being at the same table. And yet again much to your dismay the girl sits next to you, slamming her book down and looking at the front of the class toward the teacher. “Hello students, my name is Mr Jenkin and im your chemistry teacher. So seeming that we are in chemistry I like to have all the students on the same tables to have a lot of chemistry. Today’s class revolves around getting to know your groups. So one person from each table grab a deck and we shall play charades” the teacher says as he throws like seven decks of small card on his desk with a smile. Oh now this one is cute, he seems a little too nice for his own good, especially in this school.

Regina takes it upon herself to go grab the cards, taking the rubber band off of them and flicking it at Tessa who flips her off with a laugh. “I guess I’ll start then” she says reading the first card. She snickers a little before looking around the table and pointing at Aaron. “Boy?” He says straight away, Regina then shakes her head but stops and waves her hand around to say that he was right but she needs another word. She then points at her head earning a few weird looks from the table, it took me a few seconds to click on but I quickly realised what she was getting at “boy genius” I mutter quietly not being too sure on if I was right but she smiles and nods, holding her arm out to make me stand up as she hands me the cards. “Who’s boy genius?” Karen says with a big smile “an amazing band” both me and Janis say in sync earning a look from everyone in the group, I look at Janis before looking down at the card that says ‘love’ I roll my eyes and groan a little, I put my hand over my heart looking around the group to see if anyone will click on “heart?” Tessa says first, I shake my head and another idea pops into my head, I make a heart with my hands while looking around again. “Heartbreaker?” Janis mutters, earning looks from the group again, I sigh and shake my head before Tessa swoops in and says “love” which o nod to. She grins and gets up, allowing me to sit back down. A few more rounds go by and it is now Janis’ turn. She stands up brushing by me and picks the cards off of the table, she looks down for a few seconds before she points at herself making me snigger again. “Self centered?” I say proudly earning a slap from Tessa who scolds me silently. Janis snaps back “don’t make me tell your new little friends who you really are because believe me I will” she stares into my soul, my fists clenching under the table, I take a deep breath before shaking my head and grabbing my bag and leaving, hearing the group calling after me and Tessa saying “seriously Janis is there any need? She didn’t mean what happened” the teacher then calls after me before asking what everyone on the table what the hell happened. Tessa thankfully made and excuse as Janis also left the classroom.

I end up in the bathroom, slamming my fist against the wall of one of the stalls. Before wincing in pain instantly. I throw my bag and slide down the wall so I am sat down with my knees to my chest. The door to the bathroom then opens and in walks Janis. She sees me and walks over crouching down so she in face to face with me. She hesitates for a few seconds before placing her finger under my chin and making me look up at her. “Hey breathe for me yeah?” She says in a calm, knowing tone. My breath hitches a little before it picks itself up again, I struggle to breathe earning a concerned look. She tries talking to me again but it falls on death ears. I look around the bathroom frantically trying to find something to help myself, then out of the blue I feel a pair of lips on my own. Her lips. The lips that had been tormenting my dreams for the past five years. She pulls away after a few moments which felt like a lifetime. She looks at me before assuringly repeating what she said before “im sorry for what I said. I know it wasn’t your fault, im just still not over it..over us” she looks down before going to stand up, I quickly use my uninjured hand to pull her back into me, we share another kiss until the bathroom door swings open. Revealing the whole friend group.

[tyuninthemirror]

— valentine: k.th

— pairing: rival!taehyun x fem!reader — genre: fluff — word count: 3186 — disclaimers: university au, one-sided rivalry. mentions of food. — synopsis: all taehyun wanted was for you to give him a chance. — series masterlist

— author's note: for a tumblr that has taehyun as its muse, took me quite a while to get to him. >:( i hope you all like one, i really appreciate all the feedback and support on my last few fics ♥ (edited 7/22/2024)

You've always envied Kang Taehyun. Since middle school, he's always been praised for doing well in school and community activities without trying while you had to work twice as hard to keep up. He was so naturally talented at everything that to say you were jealous would be an understatement; it made your blood boil.

Since middle school, you've considered him your rival, but he didn't care and let you continue your one-sided rivalry until the last semester of your senior year. You remember throwing a fit in the teacher's room when Taehyun was chosen instead of you to give the speech at your graduation.

Taehyun finally confronted you about your behavior after learning about it from your teachers.

"Why do you hate me that much? I can't change anything about myself," He bluntly said, staring directly into your eyes, "It's senseless to be resentful and bitter about something I can't control."

His bluntness caught you off guard, and you were at a loss for words. From then on, you stayed away from him.

Even after graduating and ending up in the same college, you avoided him at all costs. You were shocked to find out that you had a few classes with him, but you decided to act like you didn't know him.

As the semester comes to a close, you and Taehyun sit in your media arts class, anxiously awaiting Ms. Park's final assignment. She announces that the task is to create or recreate a music video with a partner, using any song of their choice. This project will count towards your final grade.

Your heart races as Ms. Park explains the details, reminding the class of all they have learned over the semester to make a good video. You raise your hand and ask, "What if we can't come up with ideas for the video?"

Ms. Park replies with comforting smile, "This is where your imagination comes in. Use what you've learned to create something that represents you and your partner."

One of your friends, Jake, asks if you are okay with him and Lily being partners. You give a nonchalant response, not wanting to interfere with Lily's obvious crush on Jake.

When class ends, Ms. Park encourages everyone to put their all into their projects and reminds them to have fun. As Jake and Lily rush off to their next class, you take your time knowing you have more time before yours starts.

As you try to leave the classroom, your arm is suddenly grabbed from behind. You turn around and see Jay, the school's popular jock, blocking your path. You had a feeling this would happen, as one of your classmates had warned you that Jay often gets others to do his work for him.

"Hey Y/N," he says with a smug smile. "I heard you need a partner for the final project. Well, look no further because I'm your guy."

"Thanks, but no thanks Jay," you reply, rolling your eyes and trying to pull away.

"What, I'm not good enough for you?" He sneers, his expression turning hostile.

"It's not about that," you say calmly. "I just don't think we'd work well together."

"Well tough luck, Y/N," he steps closer, his face inches from yours. "I get to choose my partner and I choose you."

Your heart beats faster as you take a step back. "I said no, Jay. Now move out of my way."

But instead of moving aside, Jay shoves you and sends you tumbling down the stairs. Just as you close your eyes in preparation for impact, a strong hand grabs your waist and pulls you back up.

When you open your eyes, Taehyun is standing there, having witnessed the whole thing. He glares at Jay and demands, "What do you think you're doing?"

"I didn't mean-" Jay starts to say before taking a few steps back in fear.

"You didn't mean what?" Taehyun interrupts. "To push her down the stairs? You moron, you could have seriously injured her.

Jay stammers out an apology before quickly scurrying away without looking back at either of you.

"Are you okay?" Taehyun asks as he turns to face you with concern in his eyes.

You nod slowly, still processing what just happened.

"Kang Taehyun," you breathe a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything," he replies. "But if you insist on repaying me, how about being my partner for the final project?"

You're taken aback by his sudden offer and pause for a moment before nodding in agreement. As you do, you can't help but wonder if your hesitation was due to the shock of the incident or the fact that this is the first time in a long while that you and Taehyun have spoken like normal friends. Regardless, you agree to be his partner.

"Well, what did you say?!" Lily shrieked. You met up with your friends after class, updating them on your rather eventful day.

"I said yes," you sighed, closing your eyes and leaning back on the library chair. "Better Kang Taehyun than Jay."

"True," Jake muttered in agreement. "Why do you hate Kang Taehyun again? He's pretty nice. He helped me with my essay once."

You groaned, sinking deeper into your chair. You told Lily and Jake this story when you started college, but you couldn't say it now. Was it because he kinda saved your life? For the trouble and ruckus you've caused in his life, you never would've expected him to save you.

"I give up," you muttered, a scowl on your face. The next day, after you gave Mrs. Park your names, she gave the class the whole period to decide and discuss what each pair wanted to do for the project.

After barely talking to each other, you and Taehyun chose to make two different lists and find a match, only to find out that you both like completely different types of music.

"Kang Taehyun, how the hell are we going to make a music video for SHINEE's Ring Ding Dong?" you asked as you shoved his paper back at him.

"We could dance," he said, shrugging as if it was the most obvious answer.

"No."

Taehyun was about done with you after another fifteen minutes of you rejecting all of his ideas.

"Y/N, do you really dislike all of the songs I chose, or is it because I suggested them?" Taehyun asked, clearly tired of your tone.

"A bit of both," you agreed. Hey, there's no shame in being honest. He chose you to be his partner.

"If I choose a song I know you'll like, do you promise not to shut it down?" he asked. You sit up at his words, wondering what song he would mention. You nodded once but kept your fingers crossed in case he suggested something terrible.

"Some by Soyou and Junggio."

"So? What's the big deal?" Lily asked as she did your nails. On Thursdays, Jake has baseball practice which allows you and Lily to have your girl time at your dorm.

"I sang that song with a senior I had a crush on in high school," you explain to her, thinking back at the time you spent alone time practicing with Chenle to perform at the opening of the school fair. "Brings back memories, that's all."

"So you guys have all your filming schedules set?"

"Yeah, he said to shoot at five locations, but I said I'd only meet thrice. We're meeting this Sunday to do the first take," you answer her, checking out the hand she had just finished coating. "He suggested we feature in the video ourselves to save time and that he would do all the scene planning."

"Damn, Y/N," Lily grinned. "Taehyun is such a gentleman for giving in to your demands. Meanwhile, I have to sing and dance to Dynamite with Jake."

"Shut it, Morrow. I know you want to spend alone time with Jake."

On Sunday, you and Taehyun meet at the café he picked for the first scene. It was tucked away in a back alley near campus. You were impressed that Taehyun knew about a place like this, and you found yourself liking every aspect of it, from the cake display to the furnishings. He smiles and waves you to the chosen table when he sees you.

"Hey, Y/N! I'm glad you could make it," he says, standing up to meet you. Despite rolling your eyes in response, you can't help but be a little taken aback by his charming demeanor.

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get this over with," you mumble as you sit down.

Taehyun laughs. "Come on. It'll be fun. I promise."

"I doubt that," you snorted in response.

He orders two coffees, and you set up the camera and other things. As you work, you laugh and joke with Taehyun when he makes too many mistakes. His face turns red with embarrassment when he admits he doesn't know how to use a professional camera.

Peering out the window, you notice the sky has turned a shade of orange. It must be getting late. Checking your phone, you both realize you've been sitting in the cafe for over three hours. Taehyun glances at his watch and expresses concern. "It's getting late. Would you like me to walk you home?"

Feeling unsure but also experiencing a strange flutter in your chest, you respond with a hesitant "Sure, that would be nice."

As you make your way down quiet streets, Taehyun talks about his favorite bands and movies. You find yourself opening up to him and sharing details about your own interests and hobbies. However, as soon as you remember that you despise him, you clamp up and stop sharing so much.

When you finally reach your door, Taehyun turns to you with a smile. "Thanks for the day, Y/N. I really enjoyed it."

You have a strange mix of feelings. On the one hand, you had to admit that you liked the day more than you thought you would. But on the other hand, you still couldn't get rid of the irritation you felt toward him.

"Yeah, it was… fine," you reply, trying to keep your tone neutral.

Taehyun's smile fades a little, but he nods. "Well, I'll see you in class then."

"Sure," you say before opening the door to your dormitory building.

You can't help but think about the day's events as you walk up the stairs. You expected to be bothered by Taehyun the whole time, but he made you laugh and have fun. And when he offered to walk you home, it felt like a date.

But you quickly tell yourself that you can't let yourself get too comfortable with Taehyun. You've spent years building up a wall of hate for him, and you can't just let that go because you worked with him for one day on a music video.

A few days later, you and Taehyun meet up at the arcade for the next scene of your class project music video.

You can't help but feel a little nervous as you wait for him to arrive. Even though you've been trying to stay away from him since you met on Sunday, you can't help but think about why Taehyun wanted to work with you on the project.

When Taehyun shows up, he waves and smiles at you. You swear your heart missed a beat.

"Hey, Y/N, you ready to shoot?" He asked with a small grin on his face.

You nod, trying to control the butterflies in your stomach. "Yeah, let's get started."

While Taehyun set up the camera and equipment, he suggests you play some of the arcade games to collect some footage for the video. At first, you're not sure, but he talks you into playing a few games with him.

As you play together, laughter and good times fill the air. Taehyun surprises you with his skill in some games but also isn't afraid to let loose and act silly. At one point, he accidentally bumps into you, and both of you end up on the ground, laughing uncontrollably. As you look up at him, you realize that maybe he's not as bad as you thought. In fact, he might even be likable.

Throughout the day, your time together is filled with joy and fun. You're still a bit cautious around him, but your opinion of him is changing drastically. He's not the flawless robot you first saw him as; instead, he's a real person with feelings and imperfections. And being around him feels nice.

When filming for the video ends, Taehyun turns to you with a smile. "Thanks for today, Y/N. I really enjoyed it."

Your heart feels warm as you return his smile. "Me too. And I'm sorry for always being rude to you."

His smile grows wider. "It's alright. I can understand why you didn't like me before. But I'm glad we got to know each other better."

You nod, feeling slightly awkward. "Yeah, me too."

As the two of you leave the arcade together, you can't help but feel like you just went on another date with him.

Halfway down the street, Taehyun tells you he has to meet someone at the cafe you just walked by. As you walk back to campus, you say goodbye. For the first time, you're a little sad that you have to part ways, and you're not sure if you want to keep up the wall of dislike between you two.

"Taehyun! Over here!" Huening Kai's voice rang out across the bustling coffee shop, drawing Taehyun's attention. A wide smile spread across his face as he made his way over to the table where Kai was sitting.

"Did I just see you walking by with L/N Y/N?" Kai asked, his shock palpable in his tone and written all over his face. Taehyun simply nodded in response, trying not to let his own excitement show too much.

"Did she get amnesia…? Doesn't she hate your guts?" Kai continued, unable to contain his curiosity.

"Yeah, I'm working on that," Taehyun chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck as he thought about how best to explain the situation to Kai.

"Dude, don't tell me you still have a crush on her?" Kai prodded playfully, a mischievous glint in his eye when Taehyun's face turned a light shade of pink. "Hilarious, you know she's hated you for as long as you've liked her. Crazy how you both ended up in the same college too. Maybe that's what they call fate."

"Fate…" Taehyun mused, letting the word roll off his tongue as he looked out at the bustling crowd of people around them. The thought of it all being predestined or meant to be seemed almost unimaginable, but then again, so did the idea of you and him actually becoming friends after years of animosity. "Maybe you're right."

You and Taehyun stood on the rooftop, overlooking the bustling campus below. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the two of you as you sat on a blanket laid out on the ground. Taehyun had prepared an afternoon picnic for your final scene, complete with sandwiches, fruit, and a bottle of sparkling wine.

He had suggested that for the last scene, you'd film a time-lapse of you two sitting side by side and the sun setting in the background.

You couldn't help but feel conflicted as you looked at Taehyun. You had always disliked him, but as you worked together on your project, you realized that maybe you had been too immature to try even to get to know him. Taehyun was kind, funny, and incredibly talented but never tried to rub it in or show off. You found yourself drawn to him, even though you weren't sure if you were ready to admit it yet.

As you chatted and ate, Taehyun suddenly turned to you with a smile on his face. "You know, Y/N," he said, "this is my dream date."

"What? A picnic on a rooftop?" you looked at him incredulously.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "It may seem simple, but it's the little things that matter to me. Just being here with someone I care about, enjoying good food and great company," he explained, leaning back against the rooftop ledge. The setting sun cast an orange glow over him as he gazed at you with adoration. "That's all I've ever really wanted." The warm breeze lifted his hair as he spoke, adding to the romantic atmosphere of the moment.

Your heart fluttered as you listened to Taehyun, feeling emotions you had never associated with him before. You clenched your fists, realizing how much his actions and words had affected you. You couldn't keep pretending that his gestures were just friendly.

"Can you stop playing games with me, Taehyun? I don't know if you're trying to lead me on or if you actually have feelings for me, but I can't ignore my own feelings anymore."

Taehyun's expression softened. "Y/N, I'm sorry if I've been unclear. I didn't want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable. The truth is, I've had feelings for you for a long time now, back when we were still in middle school, I just didn't know how to tell you."

Your heart skipped a beat at his confession. Did Taehyun feel the same way about you?

"I'm grateful that we worked on this project together," Taehyun continued. "It gave me a chance to show you who I really am, and I'm thankful for that. But Y/N, I'm not doing all of this just to change your opinion of me. I genuinely care about you and want to be with you."

"You liked me all this time?"

"Yes," Taehyun shyly chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I think it was back in middle school when you helped Chani redo his homework that had fallen into the school fountain. It sounds kind of creepy now, doesn't it?"

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at Taehyun. This was something you never expected, but now that it was happening, it felt like a heavy weight on your shoulders. How could you have treated someone who felt this way about you so unkindly?

"Why are you crying?" Taehyun asked in concern, reaching for a napkin. Did he say something wrong?

"I-I'm sorry for everything," you apologized, tears streaming down your face. "I've been so unfair to you, and you've been nothing but patient and kind to me."

"Don't dwell on the past, Y/N," Taehyun comforted. "I hold no grudges against you."

"Taehyun, I promise to make it up to you and do better," you said softly. "I don't know where this will go, but I want to find out. Thank you for being patient with me."

A bright smile lit up Taehyun's face as he leaned in to kiss you. The sun had set completely, but for the two of you, the world was just beginning to light up.

[iaus]

okay. i need to like. keep myself distracted until noon so. woe porter write up be upon ye. (feat jace because. well i mean look at me.)

So last time I did a little write up it was just a quick phone typed teehee here's some Jace headcanons but Porter has been fucking bugging me. I have a lot of thought put into this dude, but haven't really... written him much yet. So:

-> He is the Solace equivalent of an army brat. Raised in a military (paladin) family and moved around a lot. This is part of the reason he's really confident in himself because he was actually? Pretty popular? Wherever he went. I have diagnosed him with unfortunately hot his whole life so now he is the way he is.

-> Oldest of *hand wave* siblings (not committing to his family size just yet because I don't want to retcon my own hcs) and this sort of fuels into his rage. He was held to an impossibly high standard (that he was proud to meet! He did hit those goals!) and he was raised very much in a tough love environment, and then his parents slowly loosened up as they had more kids so Porter was really pissed off and angry because he thought his parents were doing a disservice to his little siblings. How are they going to be the best they could be if they're not being pushed? (Porter himself does not engage with this thought on a deeper level.)

-> I think he's somewhat estranged with his family at this point. It's not really a conscious cut off, but more of just we email updates every once in a while and his parents and a few siblings send moonar yulenear (i'm crying i hate typing this out every time) cards. He's that distant uncle who lives with his best friend to some of his siblings' kids. His youngest sibling actually just hates his guts and refuses to talk to him.

-> Yes. He is as confident as he projects, but Jace specifically does something to him. I'll get into that in a bit.

-> He's had a handful of what he counts as serious relationships, but the partners he had always ended up being like. Are we going to get married. Are we ever doing more than this? And Porter was always like. No? Isn't this as good as it gets?

-> I like the idea of him being (a bit) younger than Jace, but I haven't actually got into the nitty gritty of making timelines yet so just know they're nebulously the same age (midlife crisis age).

-> I think I said in my first fic that Porter was Jace's senior by a few years, but I also like the idea of Jace being at Aguefort like 5-ish years when Porter starts teaching. I'm not really committing to either at this point. But, either way I picture him at least in his early 50s by junior year.

-> The teacher Porter respected most at Aguefort was his barbarian teacher who had a very similar teaching approach. It was all about results. If you had to have a bit of tough love to get to your goals? Yeah. You are getting that.

Okay. There's some. Basics for him.

Now. Here's the real reason I wanted to write this teehee.

Porter's deep-seated unhealthy Jace obsession <3

I think Porter is used to actually being pretty popular.

He's not one to get ignored if he shows attention to someone. It's happened once or twice, but he decided that person just wasn't that interesting at all actually.

Jace kind of writes him off when they first meet.

Jace is pleasant (something something obnoxiously friendly) but not pleasant enough for Porter not to pick up a vibe from him. So, while Jace is quietly being like. Unfortunately, I am a stereotype and find the barbarian hot. Porter is like what is this dude's fucking deal.

So, he ends up pursuing Jace. He plays up his charm that he usually doesn't bother with and ends up realizing wow. WOW. He's fucked up I need to know more. And I think a lot of what Porter does that's sweet is him being like. Well. I've been in relationships before and I can recognize a giant ego like my own so I'll go through the motions to keep him coming back so I can keep figuring him out.

(Idiot.)

But. This ends up with Porter figuring out that Jace is like. Scary good with magic and Jace just rolls his eyes like of course. Magic is innate but also I'm just good. And that is catnip for Porter. Here is this arrogant caster who is so sure of himself and ignores me if he doesn't want something from me I need to make him mine. (He's fallen for the trap. He really has. He doesn't see that Jace's ego is huge, but also really fragile.)

Which leads to Jace leaving Porter out of the blue (in his perception). And he is so fucking pissed about it, so he keeps pursuing Jace. (Again. Again. He falls for it. This is what Jace wants.) And they get locked in this horrible, self-fulfilling cycle.

Porter's not used to being left the way Jace leaves him and Jace isn't used to getting chased the way Porter chases him and it's...

So unhealthy.

But god is it everything they both want.

[gubbles-owo]

okay fuckit, gather 'round: it's gubbles' storytime. girl's band cry hyperfixation be damned, it's bringing up so many Things in my heart. i say i've never performed live onstage, but that's not entirely true. while a far shot from actually taking part in a band and playing a show, allow me to tell you the tale of the closest I ever got to that: a random session at jamspace, pax east, 2016.

.......... senior year of college, i was brought onboard with another group of students who had not only completed a game demo for a class project, but wanted to take it further. a lil VR game, simple in concept and clean in execution, i was invited to do music and audio for it. (i was, of course, the sole game audio/music-focused student on campus, as my school's gamedev program didn't really have a dedicated audio designer track). ultimately it fizzled out and not much came of it, but for a good chunk of time it was everything. our future ambitions, something to carry us forth from graduation on into the industry, to cement our own little foothold in the vast world of game development. we took the train to boston so many times, showed off our game at SO MANY local events, hell i had never known how to navigate a complex subway system, and here we were sifting through every few weeks or so. it was a wild fucking time, and honestly? i wish i could experience it again. something about the weaving of fantastical future prospects with the tangible, corporeal experience of it all. once foreign subway systems, sprawling in a subterranean web of concrete and metal, the sidewalks of city streets lit by the glow of the city, now strangely familiar in such a short span of time... *ahem* right, where was i... right, pax east. our school provided a limited number of booths for teams to show off their projects at pax east, and being one of the big promising projects stirring up on campus, we were granted a spot. (actually i had TWO spots because two separate projects/teams i took part in got accepted, so i had to pull double duty for a lot of it LMFAO). i've been to pax before, but as a fan and attendee, not as a developer. so this was an entirely new experience... ...and that experience was having the booth you sit at all day right next to the massive league of legends (ew) stage!! they blasted music constantly! half of it was just percussion loops from Heavyocity's Damage, and i know because I RECOGNIZED THOSE PERCUSSION SOUNDS and even USED SOME OF THEM IN THE PROJECT I WAS WORKING ON. see, the convention floor is loud. like. incredibly fucking loud. it's one thing if you're walking around as a fan, you've got other talks in siderooms to go to, and you can always step out and get some fresh air if you're feeling overwhelmed. but ya can't do that when you're on shift to demo your game to con attendees for the next several hours, can ya? :3c so yeah, long story short, i got sick. real fuckin sick. i had to YELL over the din of the convention the entire time, and after just one day, i had already lost my voice. and i mean COMPLETELY LOST MY VOICE. i could not speak, only painfully croak. i had to resort to crude hand gestures and typing shit on my phone to communicate. it was rooouughhh. and after bringing this up with my teammates, they agreed to cover my shifts, and let me rest. because the con was so fucking loud, and i was still stuck there sick all day, i informed my team that i would be headed to the jamspace room to pick up earplugs. and by "earplugs" i mean. haha well. lets justr say. a bass guitar. (srry for screenshot but tumblr hated this paragraph for some reason and kept blocking the post):

i was sick as fuck, and for sake of my health, should probably not have pushed myself. HOWEVER. i would NOT i repeat *NOT* let this sole opportunity to slip me by... i've always wanted to perform with other musicians, so fuck it, i am doing this. so the next twelve minutes i shuffled my sickly ass alll the way around to the room at the very end of the hall. i had taken note of the open-stage timeslots the day prior. i had one hour to do this shit. one hour to make the dream come true. i cannot describe the nervousness i felt going into that whole thing. i lied to my teammates. i couldn't speak. a dark room with a little clipboard to fill out a timeslot and instrument, and an empty, brightly lit stage on the other side of it. but i shuffled stage right, strapped on this bass, and asked for a pick (because im a fake bassist). and. holy shit.

i had no voice, but with that bass strapped to me? i could make the entire room *shake*. and words cannot describe how utterly fucking powerful that felt.

a few other randos took up the other instruments. i don't remember much about them, only that they intimidated the HELL out of me. i had done like concert band in high school, i've jammed on instruments in my room, but this? this is something entirely different. we played through a couple tracks... they kept suggesting "hey how about x song from y band?" but my stupid-ass doesn't have a degree in classic rock like everyone else apparently does, so i shrugged and said i didn't know how to play it. we finally settled on the one song suggested that i was, at least passingly, familiar with... metallica's enter sandman lmfaO the "passingly" there is very important, because while i know the general flow and structure, i wasn't sure about the specifics. when we got to the first pre-chorus, i notice something had shifted, and i was no longer playing the right notes. i must've either sounded terrible or look visibly confused, because the guitarist to my left turned toward me, angled his fretboard to be clearly in view, and taught me how to play the riff while performing it onstage. and i did it!! i picked it up, just like that!! it was just the earlier bit but transposed up a few steps or smth, but god, just. that little moment right there? that quick moment of guidance mid-performance? holy fuck that is magical. the other awesome moment was somewhere in the bridge, like. okay. i could barely hear myself, as the guitars and vocals and cymbals right behind me were all incredibly loud (they didn't have earplugs btw lol). but i wasn't sure i was like, contributing much to the song? and while i admittedly improvised this bit, for the build up into the final chorus, i stopped playing. i let the guitar and the drums have their space. and slowly, quietly, high up on the fretboard, built back up until WHAM, i come back in full force with the chorus. IT WAS SO COOL. LIKE. the mix sounded so weak and thin without me, and the contrast of making the entire fucking room violently vibrate with the flick of my wrist on the downbeat? holy FUCK. IT'S MAGICAL. MAGIC IS REAL Y'ALL AND IT IS ONSTAGE. anyway yeah, played that song, some members swapped out but no one else was signed up for bass, so i stuck on for a lil longer. another guitarist taught me how to play one of the splatoon themes, and while it was fun, the drummer kept us both going on that one riff for a looot longer than we wanted to lmfao fun fact! none of my team knew i did this!! they probably would've been PISSED had they found out!! actually they stole my con pass on the third morning, which made sense cause they had someone else fill in for me at the booth, but none of it was communicated to me and i was piiiiised. wound up navigating the subway and trains back home, all by myself, for the first time. but YEAH it was AMAZING. it wasn't an established band playing a local show, it was just a bunch of randos fucking around. and god. i... i really want to be part of a band someday. i want to feel this again.

even if just for one show, for one song, for one moment... i need to feel the weight of the room underneath my fingertips.

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Nine

read from part one

Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind

warnings: mentions of alcohol abuse

As I’m scrambling to get out of bed I check my phone and see I have several missed messages. 

Kyle: you skipping today?? Tried to wake you up. 7:30am

Maggie: Hey girl ! Late bell just rang! Where are you? 8:05am

Noah: tried to catch you after 1st, did you leave class early? 9:30am

I finish throwing on my clothes tripping over my jean leg and respond to Noah’s text. 

Natalie: I just woke up. Slept through my alarm. 10:05am

Natalie: I missed my test. 10:05am

Noah: Fuck. Natty, I’m so sorry. 10:06am

Natalie: can you come get me? 10:06am

Natalie: my moms passed out. she can’t drive me. 10:08am

Noah: Of course. Give me 10 minutes, I just need to get out of Spanish real quick. 10:09am

Natalie: I had Senor Gomez last year, if you tell him you’re coming to get me maybe he’ll just let you leave. 10:09am

Noah: wow. Okay, I said it was for you and he practically shoved me out the door. 10:13am

Noah: I’m on my way. 10:15am

Noah gets to my house 15 minutes later. I missed Econ and Art but I’ll be able to make it to anatomy to turn in my project. I rush downstairs and out the front door when I get his “I’m here” text. On the drive to school Noah continues to profusely apologize for getting me home so late last night. “Noah, you didn’t do it on purpose and I’m the one that overslept. You can’t blame yourself for me not hearing my alarm.” I say, trying to calm his nerves. Despite having some frustration about what happened last night, it’s not like Noah planned for us to be stuck in traffic. “I agreed to come to the show. I knew there was a chance I might get home late. I’ll talk to my Econ teacher and maybe they’ll let me take it during my free period.” He reaches across the seat and squeezes my knee. “I should have paid more attention to the time last night, leaving so late was my fault.” I cover his hand with mine, “I forgive you Noah. I’ll talk to Mr. Mattson before I go to my anatomy class. I’m sure it will all work out.” Noah pulls into the senior parking lot and puts the car in park. Before I unbuckle my seatbelt he’s leaning over and kissing me tenderly,  “I know I’ve apologized an annoying amount but I’ll say it again. I’m really sorry Natty.” Laughing softly I kiss him back and we exit the car. Holding hands he walks me to my Econ class and we agree to meet after school so he can drive me to work. 

I walk into the class and Mr. Mattson looks up from his lunch to greet me “oh hello there Natalie, we missed you this morning. Is everything okay? Unlike you to miss class.” I run my fingers through my hair and take a deep breath. “I know, I’m so sorry for not being here this morning. I woke up with a horrible headache and just couldn’t get out of bed for a while.” A big fat lie. “ Is there any way I could make up the test?” I plead with him. “I have my last period free, could I take it then?” He thinks about it briefly before slowly nodding his head “okay, I’ll make an exception this once.” He looks up to me with a more serious look before continuing “only because you have such a high average and I’d hate for something like this to affect it.” I let loose the breath I didn’t know I was holding and feel so much relief. “Thank you so much!” 

I make my way to Anatomy and turn in my project, the rest of class goes by fast and then I head to Mr. Mattson’s class to take my test. 

After the test, I walk to where Noah and I usually meet and find him in a less than friendly looking conversation with my brother. A few people are staring and I’m hoping I can get to them before anyone throws a punch. 

“I knew you would fuck up her life somehow, you realize with out good grades she’s stuck here” Kyle fumes at Noah. I'm honestly stunned by Kyles words, does he actually care about my future? “I already talked to your sister about this Kyle and apologized to her.” Noah barks back. “ I don’t owe you any explanation. Dick” he finishes. “Fuck you Davis.” Kyle pushes Noah back harshly and I move faster to approach and step between the two. Noah is taller but Kyle is bigger and stronger. “Stop it.” I look at the two of them. “This is fucking embarrassing, both of you are acting ridiculous.” I turn to Noah “can I talk to my brother and meet you at your car?” He hesitates but then nods sharply and heads to his car and I turn to Kyle.

“I don’t understand what your weird protective bullshit is Kyle, but you lost the ground to tell people how to treat me after trying to choke me out last spring” I say and he bristles. “I apologized for that,”  He whispers harshly. “I just - you care about school, grades, making a better life for yourself and he cares about making music, becoming a rockstar. You can’t let him distract you from everything you’ve worked for.” I roll my eyes. “You barely apologize if we’re being honest and you just don’t like Noah so you don’t want me around him.” I continue, “we’re dating Kyle, not engaged to be married. You’re talking about the future like I have to decide right now. I'm happy, can I can't just be happy?”

He’s trying to even out his breathing and calm down, apparently something he’s been working on in therapy. “Okay. Fine. Be happy. For now. But I don’t want to hear your shit when it all falls apart Natalie. It will. And you’ll expect me to care because I love you.” He moves closer. “He isn’t thinking about your future sis. I know you think you’re in love and it’s all going to be sunshine and fucking rainbows.” I flinch at his tone. “But you want to go to college,you want  stability, a real fucking life. He wants to play music to thousands of adoring fans around the world. How does that work out well for you?” He’s looking into my eyes, looking through me. “It’s fun now, but you are going to get hurt.” I push him further back “screw you Kyle. Worry about your own life” I turn to walk to where Noah is waiting by his car.

I know Kyle is just trying to mess with my head. But why is it working? He’s not entirely wrong though, college has always been my plan, art school and then…well I don’t know exactly. Maybe I’d be an illustrator, graphic designer, or I could sell my prints at a farmers market until I’m 80 and live in a shack. But, why does it even matter right now? Senior year just started, we have plenty of time to figure all of that out. I must look like I’m thinking really hard because as I approach Noah’s car he says “maybe you want to give that ol’ thinker a break for the evening Natty.” He taps his own head to emphasize his point. “Just forget whatever he said, it was probably only meant to hurt you or confuse you or piss you off.” He comes over to my side and opens the door for me to climb in. “Come on, I’ll take you to work and then maybe after you could come over?” He winks and kisses me on the corner of my mouth. “Oh, it’s a tempting offer indeed.” I tease him. “We’ll see” I wink back at him. I’m obviously going over and he knows it. 

Laying down in Noahs’ bed at the end of the day,  I can't help but replay the conversation I had with Kyle after school. What would happen if I got into art school across the country? Would Noah and I try long distance? Would he follow me and play music there? I should talk to him about it. Turning over in bed to face him, I'm met with his sleeping face, snoring softly. I run my finger down the slope of his face and sigh. I guess it can wait until morning. 

But, when morning comes I’m awoken to my phone sounding off over and over with the ringtone I set for Kyle in 7th grade. “Why is the Imperial March waking us up at 7 in the morning. On a Saturday.” Noah grumbles from behind me. I grab at my phone half asleep and answer. “Hello” my sleepy voice rasps out. “Natalie-". I sit up at the sound of my brothers cracking voice on the other end. “It’s mom- she- I found her this morning.” Trying to remain calm even though my sleepy thoughts are creating the worst possible scenario. “What happened Kyle?” I managed to get out. “I thought she was asleep- well passed out but you know. I tried to move her to her room and she -“ he broke off as I hear his breath catching. It sounds like he’s coming down from a panic attack. “She what Kyle!? What happened to mom?”

love love love ya! thank you for reading!

Next chapter here!

short chapter today womp :( posting a fluffy one shot to make it up to you <3

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens

divider from here

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Amongst The Stars

Amongst the Stars (The Final Version)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: A coming of age story about Jake Kiszka’s first love.

This is a one year anniversary republication of Amongst the Stars. This version includes revisions, edits, new cover art, deleted scenes, extras, and an alternative ending.

Warnings: Mentions and scenes of teenage drinking, marijuana use, sex, sexual situations, sexual acts, oral sex (m. receiving), the word slut, slut shaming, lack of eating and sleeping, vomiting, self hate, mentions of pregnancy.

Word Count: 50k

October 2013, Senior Year of High School:

“Project time!” your English teacher chimed out to the class. Groans and sighs erupted throughout the room. You didn’t mind though. School was school. Besides, English was your best subject. You’d always been relatively smart and once you got the hang of it, analyzing literature came easy to you. 

Your teacher explained the concept of the project and then continued with the instructions. 

“I’ll make it easier for you guys, I’ll allow you to work in pairs.” 

Everyone around the room started looking at each other. You exchanged looks with your best friend. You figured you’d work with her. 

“But I’m choosing the pairs,” he said in a somewhat sinister tone.

The groans and sighs from the class continued. You kissed working with your friend goodbye.

He started off on his list of names.

 “Jake Kiszka and,” he dragged out the “and” particularly long, “Y/N.” 

You knew it.

Jake wasn’t exactly the best student and since you were, it was an obvious pairing. You couldn’t blame your teacher for putting you two together. You looked at your friend from across the room and gave her a little frown. She returned the same face to you. 

You’ve known of Jake since you were little. Frankenmuth was a small town so everyone in your high school knew each other. Jake and his brother Josh were on your soccer team when you were seven. Josh was in your fourth grade class. You had a few classes with each of them here and there since middle school, but you never really cared too much about them. Josh was an absolute menace. He was a theater kid who did the morning announcements- pretty weird. Jake was always cooler, a little mysterious even. He had shaggy hair that perfectly covered his forehead and most of his eyes. You thought he was cute but you didn’t really have any reaction to having to work with him. It was what it was.

Class was dismissed and everyone was told to talk to their partners outside of class and have the project ready to present in exactly a week. You and Jake exchanged numbers and texted each other about when and where to meet. The two of you decided that you would go to his house to work on it. 

A few days later, Saturday:

Your mom dropped you off at Jake’s house at around 2 and you texted Jake that you were there. You and Jake planned to knock out the entire project in one day. It wouldn’t take long and you knew what you were doing, even if he didn’t. 

Jake opened the door and flashed you a smile as he greeted you. You walked into his house. It was cute. Very midwestern. Oak furniture was everywhere and pictures of his family lined the walls. You caught a glance at Jake’s school photos from throughout the years as well as his siblings’. 

He led into their dining room, which was attached to the kitchen, and you saw his school supplies sprawled out on the table.

“I share a room with my brothers so it’s probably best to work here,” he began. “But you’ll be happy to know that I actually read the book. Well I read most of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and looked down. “The last couple chapters started to confuse me so I just looked up the ending online.” 

You could tell he felt bad about not exactly knowing the ending of the book you had a project on. Kind of embarrassed even.

You let out a light laugh, “It’s okay, I made an outline of everything. I’ll explain it to you.” 

He exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled. 

You both sat down and got to work. You explained the parts he didn’t understand and as you did, he looked right into your eyes and nodded his head as he followed along with your words. Damn he was cute.

As you worked on the project, Jake showed that he understood and put in a lot of unexpected work and ideas. By the time you were done, it was a little after 4 o’clock and you were both satisfied with it. Your mom was set to pick you up closer to 5 so you had some extra time to spare.

“So, now that you taught me something, can I teach you something?” Jake asked, smiling at you secretively.

“Okay what did you have in mind?” You replied as you folded your arms and rested your elbows on the table.

“Follow me.” 

He got up with you following behind him and stopped when he got to a door leading out of the kitchen. He looked back at you with his hand gripping the doorknob.

“I don’t know if you know this, but I play guitar. My brothers and I, we kind of have a set up in here. Don’t laugh, okay?” he looked up at you through his hair like a little kid who was about to tell a big secret. 

You nodded your head as a silent promise that you wouldn’t laugh. He turned the knob and opened the door, biting his bottom lip nervously. His eyes watched you to see your reaction to his little secret.

It was a garage. But Jake’s family’s garage wasn’t an average garage. This garage was filled with music equipment. The concrete floor was covered in Persian rugs, wires, and extension cords. There were multiple amps, a drum kit, 2 keyboards in the corner, a bass, microphones on stands, and a red guitar that was propped up perfectly in the middle of it all. 

The walls were lined with the usual snow shovels, rakes, and tools. There were storage containers and cardboard boxes stacked up in the corners with labels. There was also a couch, TV, and refrigerator too, like it was an extra room in the Kiszka home- an organized mess. 

Your jaw dropped in awe. You had never seen anything like it before.

“Woah” you said as he let you walk in front of him. You looked around the room for a minute, silently taking it all in. 

You looked back at him as he nervously looked at you, breathing shallow, and playing with the skin around his finger nails.

“Soooo, what do you think?” he finally asked.

“This is really cool. You guys have a band or something?”

“Yeah, kind of. Josh sings, Sam picked up bass last year and he does the piano sometimes. Sam’s friend Danny just started on drums with us- he’s good.” 

He picked up the red guitar gently. 

“But this. This is my baby. This is what I want to teach you.”

You reached out to touch it, it was smooth but cold from being in a not well heated garage in the middle of a Michigan October. He put his hand over yours as your fingers glided along the neck of the guitar and as he did, you sucked in a breath. 

You could feel his eyes on you. You pulled your hand away from the contact and nervously put both your hands in your back pockets. You looked down at the ground as Jake put the guitar back on the stand and knelt down to open a black case.

“Now, before you can play that one, you have to get the basics down. At least that’s what my dad told me.” 

He pulled out an acoustic guitar and sat down on the carpet with it in his lap; legs open, bent at the knees. He smiled and motioned with his head for you to sit down with him. 

“C’mere you can hold it,” he said.

You sat down in between his legs and he lifted the guitar over your head and onto your lap. He scooted himself closer to you. You felt his warm chest against your back. He grabbed your wrists gently and placed the left one to wrap around the neck with a “One hand here,” and the right one on the side of the body with “and here.”

He placed his chin over your left shoulder, resting it there lightly. You could feel his breath on you. He smelled amazing, a little cologne smell. Not too strong. Just the right amount. Your heart started beating a little quicker as you felt the insides of his thighs lightly touch the outsides of yours. 

He reached to the table next to him and grabbed a little black pick and put it between your fingers. Jake took your left hand and moved your fingers where he wanted them to be on the strings. He took your right hand in his hand and moved it with his to strum, letting the sound of a chord fill the room. You looked back at him, smiling.

“Pretty,” you said as you turned your neck around to look at him. 

There was a pause before Jake spoke.

“Yeah. Pretty,” he said quietly with his soft raspy voice almost in a whisper, as his eyes darted all over your face.

You turned your head back around, fighting back a smile so that he wouldn’t see. Your heart was fluttering. You had instant butterflies in your stomach. Who would’ve thought Jake Kiszka of all people would be making you feel this way? 

You had to admit, you’d always thought he was a little cute but he never seemed to have much going for him in life. Or so you thought. 

Jake broke the silence after a few seconds by clearing his throat. “Um, okay so here’s another one.” 

He moved your fingers on the neck a little bit to show you another chord. 

He continued, “And these two you can go back and forth with easily when you get comfortable with them.”

He guided your fingers in place as you played the two chords. His right hand still held yours to guide the strumming. He let go gradually as he saw you were getting more comfortable with the placements. 

He let out a little chuckle, “That’s it. You got it.” 

His fingertips just lightly shadowed your hand, barely touching. 

With his head resting on your shoulder, you looked back at him again but this time- your face only an inch away from his. 

“You want to try on your own?” he asked. 

You nodded and he scooted back to give you space to get up. You got up and sat back down across from him. Both of you sat criss-crossed. He placed his elbows on his knees and his hands formed fists under his chin. His guitar rested on your lap and you put your hands and fingers where he showed you. You strummed the first note and looked at him. He was fully smiling with his teeth, waiting for you to do the next one. You went for the second one but your fingers missed a placement, so the chord came out wrong. Both of you let out a little laugh at the wrong note.

“Um,” you said, trying to remember where to put your fingers.

He got up on his knees, moved toward you, and adjusted your fingers to put them in the right place. 

“Try now,” he said, pulling his hands away but still kneeling in front of you.

You strummed and it came out perfect after his help. 

“Beautiful,” he said.

You look up from the guitar to see him looking at you. His teeth tugged at his bottom lip. Your eyes darted from his eyes, to his lips. They were little but they looked soft. You saw Jake’s eyes dart around your face and stop at your lips for longer than normal. 

He looked back at your eyes and asked, “Can I… Can I kiss you right now?”

His eyes turned soft and you could tell he was nervous by the way his breathing was hitching. 

You nodded your head and started to lean into him. He did the same and closed the gap between the two of you. The kiss was slow and soft but over way too soon.

You both opened your eyes and pulled away, searching for something to say or do to make this less awkward. He looked down and smiled to himself and then he looked back at you.

“Um-“ he started to say.

“Do it again,” you whispered.

Jake breathed out and took your chin in his hand. He pushed it up just a little and connected again. This kiss was longer, but still as soft as the first one. You both began to deepen the kiss- going for more of each other. His lips were warm and wet. His lips moved perfectly with yours and sucked you in. He moved his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer.

All of a sudden the garage door swung open and your eyes met a younger boy standing in the doorway.

“Jake! Mom said dinner is rea- oh shit,” his eyes were wide and he started to close the door, leaving quickly. “Shit, I’m sorry!”

Jake breathed out heavily and pulled away from you. His face turned a shade of pink as his hands dropped to his sides. 

“That’s my little brother, Sam,” he explained as he got up from the floor. 

He reached for the guitar and you handed it to him. He put it back in the case and buckled it shut. Jake extended a hand and pulled you up to your feet. 

“Sorry about him. I don’t think anyone really knows you’re here,” he said, tucking his lips into his mouth as his cheeks returned to their normal color.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” he asked, “my mom wouldn’t mind.”

You looked at your phone, “Thanks but it’s okay-  it’s 5 o’clock. My mom will be here any minute.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Jake said as he started to lead you back inside the house. 

As you entered the kitchen again, you saw the entire Kiszka family in the kitchen and dining room, all fixing and situating themselves for their family dinner.

“Uh you guys this is Y/N. We had a project for school,” Jake spoke, loudly, so they could all hear him over their conversations. They all stopped what they were doing to greet you. Josh waved at you, remembering you from his classes throughout the years.

“What kind of project?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively and smiling.

“Shut up,” Jake replied sternly as his eyes shot daggers at Sam, silently letting him know he shouldn’t elaborate.

“Do you want to stay for dinner, Sweetie?” his mom asked as she placed a bowl of pasta on the table.

“Thank you but my mom is here. Smells really good though!” you replied as you followed Jake towards the front door. 

“Nice to meet you!” Sam called out and let out a cackle as Jake opened the front door and closed it behind the two of you.

It was dark outside, just past sunset. You saw your mom’s headlights in front of his house through the trees and bushes. 

“So, I’ll see you at school then?” Jake asked as he rocked back and forth on his toes with his hands in his front pockets. 

“Yeah, just don’t forget to bring the project file on Monday,” you said.

“I won’t. Thanks for helping me with it.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” you laughed, “thanks for teaching me guitar.”

“Yeah,” he began, a slight smirk appeared on his face, “and I’ll talk to Sam. You know, tell him not to say anything.”

“It’s okay. It’ll happen to him one day.” 

You both laughed and he pulled you in for a hug. The warmth of his body heated you up instantly. He pressed his lips to your cheek softly. You pulled back from the hug, looked at him, and smiled.

“See you Monday,” you said as you walked down the driveway.

He waited for you to get in the car before he headed back inside. He turned around and smiled to himself while also getting ready to kill Sam.

November 2013:

A month had passed since the kiss. You and Jake have talked a bit here and there- mostly through texts. You would pass each other in the hallways with smiles and waves. Whenever his name popped up on your phone screen, you got butterflies. 

You liked him and you knew it. But you wouldn’t ever admit it. Besides, girls always liked Jake. You were probably nothing but a number to him. 

You were working on homework one Friday night when you got a text from him. 

5:47 pm: My parents and siblings just went out. Wanna come over?

Your heart skipped a beat. Every time he texted you, it was a casual, friendly message. But this seemed different. This seemed like an invitation for something else. It made you nervous. 

5:50 pm: Sure :)

That was all you could even think to say. You didn’t want to question him or have any other potential reply come off weird. Sure, this whole thing with Jake made you nervous, but you were also excited. 

5:50 pm: I can come pick you up if you want.

5:51 pm: Okay, see you soon.

You sent Jake your address and in 15 minutes, the headlights of a white Jeep shone through the darkness of the night. 

You told your mom  you were going out with a friend and she was surprisingly okay with that. You walked over to the car and he reached over to open the door from the inside. 

“You have your license?” you asked as you hopped inside.

“No. But I have a permit and a pretty girl in the passenger seat right now so as long as you don’t tell, I won’t,” he said with a smirk on his face.

You bit your lip and you looked down at your hands in your lap as he started the drive back to his house. 

As he reached the first red light, he looked over at you. You didn’t look back but you felt his eyes on you and you could see a small smile that he was trying to hold back appear on his lips out of the corner of your eye. You looked over at him and met his gaze. The stoplight illuminated his face and casted shadows over his nose and his tired, sunken in eyes. He was beautiful. His features were just a little more feminine than Josh’s, but also manly at the same time. He balanced the two perfectly. 

“You look really nice tonight,” he said quietly. 

You smiled at him and whispered, “Thanks.”

The light turned green and he turned his attention back to the road to continue driving. Occasionally, you caught him looking over to you to catch a glimpse. 

“Well, you look nice all the time. But tonight especially,” he corrected himself.

Instantly you felt your stomach flip at his words. Something about him complimenting you brought you back to that moment in his garage last month. It was how his words were just a bit hesitant and how his voice was just above a whisper. It reminded you that you were in fact going back to his house with him now. Alone.

“You look really nice tonight, too,” you replied. 

“I try,” he replied jokingly.

He moved his hand onto the center console and tapped his fingers to the song on the radio as he drove. You looked at his fingers tapping. The veins at the top of his hand protruded as his fingers moved. 

You remembered the way his hand felt on top of yours while holding his guitar. His hands were rough and calloused from the guitar playing. But they were gentle at the same time. Again, perfectly balanced. 

The sound of his voice speaking brought you out of the daydream you were having.

“Your Touch,” he said.

“Hm?” 

“The song,” he said softly, “Your Touch, by The Black Keys.”

“Oh,” you replied as casually as possible, “You, uh, you like them?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “One of my favorites. You ever listen to ‘em?” 

You shook your head.

“No?” He responded as he looked over at you and raised his eyebrows, “Hm. Good to know.”

He held back a smile and turned his attention back to the road.  

You couldn’t begin to explain how or why but in that moment, something took over you. It was almost like Jake was a magnetic force, pulling you in.

You slid your hand on top of his softly and stopped his fingers from moving. You held his hand there for a moment, not really sure what to do next. He flipped his hand over so his palm was up and he wrapped his fingers around yours. He rubbed your hand with his thumb with his eyes glued to the road.

You smiled to yourself and tried to control your emotions. It was hard. Jake made it almost impossible. But Jake was easy to be with. Even though he made you excited and nervous, he was also very calming. 

The drive back to his house was quiet, but never awkward. When he pulled into the driveway of the dark, ranch house, you both got out of the car and you followed him inside. He took your coat from you and put it on a hook next to the door. 

“Want anything to eat? Drink? We have beer,” he asked, making his way towards the kitchen, flicking on light switches as he walked through the house. He pulled a beer from the refrigerator and held it up.

“Sure,” you replied. 

Jake grabbed another from the refrigerator and took the caps off both bottles. He handed you one and extended his bottle to you. You clinked the bottle necks together and each took a sip. 

“So where is everyone?” you asked as you leaned against the kitchen counter. You were genuinely curious as to why he was the only one home on a Friday night. 

“Sam had some honors awards ceremony. I told them I had homework.”

“Since when does Jake Kiszka do homework?” you asked, smirking.

“Since I got an A on an English project a month ago,” he replied, smiling at you with his head tilted. 

His expression turned just a bit more serious and he continued, “But you know, with them gone for the next hour, it gives us some time to hang out. Uninterrupted,” he said as he took a swig of the beer and didn’t break eye contact the entire time.

“Hm,” was all you could say before he walked towards you. 

He brushed past your side, beer in hand, and leaned into you to speak.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.”

He grabbed your hand, pulled you out of the kitchen, and down the hallway.

You followed him through the house and eventually down a hallway. He gestured towards doors and told you what was behind each one. Living room (which you’ve seen from afar before), basement, his parent’s room, sister’s room, and a bathroom. He stopped at the final door at the end of the hallway. 

“And this? This is my room,” he said as he opened the door and extended his hand for you to go through first. 

He flicked on the lightswitch to reveal a medium sized blue bedroom with three twin sized beds. Two on each side of the room and then one farther away, in a little corner carved out on the other side of a closet.

“Me, Josh, and Sam,” he said as he pointed at each bed. 

You could see how they each decorated their spaces differently. Josh had film posters, sketches, and photos all over the wall by his bed. He had a shelf cluttered with trinkets and ornately decorated boxes above the head of his bed.

Sam’s was the bed tucked away in the corner. He had posters of a lot of older artists, and a ton of books; all neatly organized in contrast to Josh’s. There was a tall dresser in between Sam’s little corner and the closet with a record player on top and a stack of vinyls piled high.

Jake’s space was cool. He had posters of artists that were more modern and well known than what was on Sam’s wall, with a few older ones in the mix too. Soccer trophies were propped on a shelf above the head of the bed. And the acoustic guitar you and Jake played was leaning against a nightstand that separated his bed and Josh’s bed. 

Jake sat down on his bed and put his beer on the nightstand. “So, what do you think?” 

“It’s nice. It’s very…you,” you replied.

“And what exactly is ‘very me?’” he asked.

“You know, interesting, cool,” 

“You think I’m cool?” 

“Well, yeah…”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re cool too. I like you.”

The phrase I like you replayed in your head for a second. He liked you. He just said it. No one has ever said that to you before, at least not in the way Jake just did. In a romantic way. 

You felt your heart warm up a little and all you could do was smile at him shyly.

Jake placed his hand on the spot next to him on his bed, looked at it, and looked up at you with eyes that said Are you going to stand there or do you want to sit here next to me?

You let out a small laugh and sat down next to him. He took your beer bottle and placed it on the nightstand next to his. You looked at each other for a minute. Neither of you spoke, but your eyes wandered all over each other’s faces.

“So, do you want to pick up where we left off?” he asked, putting his head down but looking up at you with his hair covering most of his eyes. Maybe you weren't the only nervous one after all.

“Yeah, like you said- uninterrupted. Right?” you asked, smiling. 

He took your face in his right hand and rubbed your cheek with his thumb. 

You heard him let out “Yeah,” in a soft whisper that was barely audible. 

As he held your face, his rough fingers contrasted with your skin. He leaned in closer to you and you could feel your heart fluttering. He was close to you and the anticipation was killing you both. You had thought about doing this again since that day in the garage. It was practically the only thing you could think about for the past month. But you would never tell him that.

“Just tell me to stop and I will,” he whispered. 

You nodded and connected your lips with his. You brought your hand to the back of his neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. His hair tickled your cheeks as his jaw moved. His tongue traced over your bottom lip and you let him in. You let out a sigh and you felt him smile into the kiss. 

His mouth tasted like beer, spearmint, and a hint of something sweet that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but you liked it. Almost chocolatey. 

Jake grabbed your waist and lowered you down on his bed, hovering over you. Your hands traveled up the sides of his body and along his back until you reached the back of his neck. You gave it a couple squeezes and flexed your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He had one hand supporting his weight on the bed and the other holding onto your hip bone. 

His lips wrapped around yours perfectly with every kiss and his tongue teased yours lightly every so often. The two of you continued like that for a few minutes. 

He broke away and smiled at you before lowering his mouth to your jaw and neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he got closer to your collarbone. He slid his tongue along the thin skin of it and started working his way back up.

“Jake,” you sighed.

He stopped, picked his head up, and looked at you.

“Are you okay? Is this okay?”

You gave him a little smile, biting your bottom lip. His eyes were wide and filled with concern, but softened once he saw your smile. 

“Yeah, keep going, I like it,” you whispered.

A small, closed mouth smile crept onto his face.

“Whatever you say,” he said as he connected your lips again. 

His hands slid along your hips and up a little onto your stomach, pushing your shirt up slightly. His lips made their way to your jaw again, just below your ear. 

You tangled your fingers in his hair and ran your other hand up his back and in between his shoulder blades.

“Mmm,” you breathed out as he continued there, knowing he hit a sweet spot on you. You felt him breathe out through his nose and his lips move into a smile, almost as if he was laughing. He seemed to be very pleased with himself. There was no doubt he was going to leave a mark but Jesus Christ his lips felt too good to care.

You gave the hair at the bottom of his head a pull and he lifted his chin back up, making eye contact with you again. You both let out a little laugh and he sat up. He was between your legs, sitting back on his heels. Jake pushed his hair out of his face and looked down. 

“I guess we should stop before, you know…” he trailed off the ending of his sentence, lifting his head and tilting it to peek at the spot on your neck he spent a little too much time on.

“Yeah,” you said,  running your hands through your scalp and pushing your hair back. 

You sat up and leaned against his headboard, running your fingers through your hair.

You ran your hand over the spot on your neck and rubbed it out a little. He leaned toward you and grabbed your wrist, pushing it down gently. He placed his hand on the spot and gently rubbed on it with his thumb a few times before pulling away.

You picked up the beer bottles off his night stand, handing him his. 

“So,” you started, “do you have girls over here often?” 

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked at you, confused. “No, not really. Just the ones I like,” he smirked at you. “And like I said… I like you,” he said.

“What do you like about me?” you asked.

Jake laughed, tilted his head to look at the ceiling, and counted on his fingers as he spoke, “Well, I like that you’re smart. You’re pretty- that helps, he said, flashing a full smile at you. 

You looked down at your hands shyly and bit your bottom lip. 

Jake continued “I like the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you. I like the way your hair falls when you play with it. I like how you look down and bite your lip when you’re embarrassed. Kind of like what you’re doing now.”

He was good. 

You looked back up at him. His eyes were soft again. 

“Jake, I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, nervously.

“Say you like me back. I know you want to.” 

He was right. You wanted to. You wanted to more than anything in the world.

You put the beer back down on the nightstand and ran your hand through his hair, bringing your fingers down to graze his face. You held his chin and you could feel the tiniest bit of soft, facial hair poking through. 

“I like you, Jake.” 

Instantly, you felt the weight of the world lift off your shoulders. That little secret you’ve been holding in for a month- finally he knew.

A little, satisfied chuckle left his lips. He leaned in and gave you the most gentle kiss. 

When he pulled back you let go of his face and grabbed his hands from his lap and held onto them. 

“Can I tell you what I like about you?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“Go on,” he said playfully, giving you that silly little kid look. 

You started, “I like your eyes. They’re dreamy.” 

Your right hand brushed his hair off his forehead to get a good view of them and then you let it drop back into his lap.

You started to play with his fingers and looked down at them as you spoke.

“I like your hands. They’re big, and rough. And I like holding them.” 

You looked back up at Jake to see that he was giving you the sweetest smile you had ever seen. You melted from that look alone.

“I like how you put your hand behind your neck when you’re nervous. I like how when I’m talking to you, you look right at me. I like how you know what you want and you go for it.”

“You’re what I want,” he whispered.

“You want me?” 

Jake nodded slowly with his mouth open just a bit as his tongue licked his bottom lip.

“You have me,” you replied in a whisper.

Jake brushed your hair away from your ear and kissed you again. Deeper. There was more passion behind this kiss than any other the two of you had shared. This one had meaning. 

You continued at each other for a few minutes until  you were interrupted by a ding of his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the screen. 

“Ah, shit. It’s Josh. I told him to text me when they were about to leave. Can I take you home?” 

“Yeah no problem,” you said as you got up from his bed and followed him out of his room. 

The two of you started down the hallway back to the front door. 

“So, Josh knows I’m here?” you asked as you put your coat on and as he grabbed a set of keys off a table by the door. 

“Well, yeah. I trust him and I didn’t want this to end up like last time. You know with Sam and everything. Sorry if you didn’t want anyone to know. But I promised I would do it for him if the roles were reversed.” 

He was doing it again- grabbing the back of his neck and looking down. You could tell he felt bad. 

You grabbed his hand from behind his head and pulled it down in front of him, holding it with both your hands. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” you reassured him, “I don’t mind.” 

He looked up at you and breathed a small sigh of relief. 

You both left the house and he locked the door behind you. As you two stepped into the cold November night he turned around and stopped you.

“Does this mean we’re…” he trailed off.

“We’re what?” you asked, already anticipating what he was going to say.

“You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend? God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud,” he laughed.

You gave him a peck on the lips. 

“It’s not stupid,” you said as you kept your face just an inch away from his and smiled at him. 

“So, yes?” he asked, almost wincing.

“Yes,” you assured him with a smile. You pulled his hand to lead him to the car.

He drove you home and pulled into your driveway. You weren’t exactly sure how to say goodbye to him but before you got out of the car, he turned to you. 

“By the way, I’ve never had a girl in my room before. Until today of course. I mean- besides my sister. So you’re like, the fir-” 

Jake had a habit of over explaining when he got nervous.

“Shhh,” you said, grabbing his chin and bringing it closer to yours. You kissed him softly; and it took him a second, but he returned the kiss to you. You pulled away, both smiling.

At that exact moment, genuine happiness filled your entire body. Jake Kiszka. Who would have thought?

He watched you walk inside and drove away once your front door closed. 

Jake got back home just in time for his family to arrive back, unsuspecting of the events which took place that night. Except Josh, who spotted two beer bottles on the nightstand when he walked in the room to go to bed. He took them outside and buried them deep in the garbage can to cover up for Jake. 

December 2013:

You and Jake had been together for about a month now. He stopped sneaking you into his house about a week after you two made it official. His parents approved of the two of you. Yours did as well. He had gone to your house and met your parents and they really liked him. But your parents were home a lot, and his parents were more easy going. So you spent more time at his house. 

School had just gotten out for winter break. Typically, you would go home after school with Jake on days he didn’t have band practice. You usually did homework with him, and then the two of you went to his room to be alone for a bit. Sometimes Jake would show you music he liked, or he’d roll you a joint to share from the (terrible quality) weed he stole from Josh; and the two of you would smoke for a bit.

You did other things too. Like most teenagers, you and Jake started exploring a little more of each other’s bodies. It had gone just far enough to the point you were both comfortable with. You’d been each other’s first experience for a few things so far. 

It started with heavy make out sessions that quickly led to more. Jake asked if it was okay if his hands wandered, which it was. It was more than okay. You would guide his hands to where you wanted them and he’d do the same for you. 

What started as feeling each other above clothes turned into feeling each other under clothes, to say the least. 

You would each go further a little bit every time it happened, testing the waters on each other to see how far you were both willing to go. Jake never took things too far though. He knew you were hesitant about doing some things and he never took it farther than you wanted it to go. 

When Sam came home from school, you usually moved to the living room or basement until Jake’s parents came home from work. Josh respected the situation but Sam didn’t exactly understand it yet. You never did anything explicit in front of Sam of course, but it was awkward with Sam in the boys’ room doing his homework while you and Jake were doing couple things; or as Sam called it, “Tainting his innocence.”

You were on the couch in the Kiszka living room, laying down longways with your head in Jake’s lap as he played with your hair. You both listened to Sam and Josh debate the best way to decorate their Christmas tree. 

His brothers’ conversation faded in the background as Jake spoke to you.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” he asked as he rubbed your hairline with his thumbs lightly.

“Same as every year. My dad’s side of the family is coming over. It’ll probably be pretty boring to be honest.” 

“Do you want to come here? I mean, I’m sure your family wants to spend time with you. But, maybe for a little bit?” 

You smiled up at him and licked your bottom lip. “Okay, I’ll ask my mom.” 

Jake leaned his head down and placed an upside down kiss on your lips. With your lips still locked, you smiled into him, causing your mouths to separate. He poked your teeth with his tongue playfully. His shaggy hair fanned over your chin and tickled you, making you giggle.

“Get a room!” Sam yelled, bringing you both back to reality.

“I have one but someone doesn’t approve of me being in there with my girlfriend,” Jake snapped back.

“Because you guys do weird things in there! My poor virgin eyes have seen enough!” 

You laughed and Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Sam, you’re fourteen! Get over it!” Jake said.

“I will not!” Sam replied.

“One day you’ll understand,” Jake said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, maybe. But that day is not today!” Sam replied firmly.

You got up, held your hand out to Jake. He took it and you pulled him off the couch.

“Come on,” you said, “lets’ go make out on Sam’s bed.” 

Jake smiled a devilish smile and let a laugh out of his nose. He picked you up, holding you just under your butt, and ran out of the room with you. Both of you laughed as he carried you out of the room.

“No! Come on! Are you serious? Jesus Christ, no! Jake, I swear to God!” Sam’s voice faded away as Jake carried you down the hall and into the boys shared room, locking the door behind him.

December 25 , 2013:

You asked your mom about going to the Kiszka’s for Christmas and she agreed to let you go after dinner. The plan was that she would drop you off as long as Jake would bring you home, which he agreed to. 

You arrived at the Kiszka’s house at around 7:30 pm. Jake walked out to the driveway to get you. He greeted your mom and promised to have you home that night. As you both walked back up his driveway and towards the front door- you stopped him. 

“Jake, wait. I’m… I’m kind of nervous about this,” you admitted.

“About what? Meeting my cousins and stuff?” he asked.

You looked down at both your feet and nodded your head. He held your lower back and lifted your chin with his index finger so your eyes met his.

“Hey,” he began, “you don’t have anything to worry about. They’re going to love you.” 

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and looked up at you through his hair. 

“Okay? Breathe for me, baby,” he said calmly.

You closed your eyes, took a deep breath in, and let your shoulders relax as you exhaled.

“Good, Baby,” he whispered, “Come on, I got you,"

He let go of your chin, took your hand, and led you into the house. 

The six Kiszkas you knew were loud. That was a fact. However, a house full of thirty Kiszkas was a completely different story. There were people of all ages everywhere- drinking, talking, yelling, and running around.

Jake introduced you to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They were all very welcoming and took to you right away. He was right, you really didn’t have anything to worry about. 

You and Jake hung out with his family for a while. His mom bragged about you. His aunts loved you. They wanted to know all about how you met and how you’re putting up with him. His grandmother called you “Honey” and told you stories about Jake when he was little. You laughed while he rolled his eyes and begged her to stop.

You talked with his cousins for a while too. A lot of them were close to your age and you discovered you had a lot of shared interests with them. 

Josh was floating around the room butting into everyone’s conversations, looking and sounding like he drank more than he should have. Sam and Ronnie were busy with their noses in the instruction manual of some electronic Sam had gotten as a gift.

Jake’s grandfather called him over and whispered something in his ear. Jake gave you a be right back look. He returned to his grandfather with two red solo cups and his grandfather poured scarlet liquid in them from a pitcher on the dining room table. Jake walked over to you, drinks in hand. He extended one out to you. 

“It’s whiskey, cranberry juice, sour mix, and a ‘secret ingredient.’ My grandpa makes it every year and he finally let Josh and I have it this year. My mom doesn’t know though, she would kill him. But it’s good, try it.” 

You lifted the cup to your mouth and instantly you could smell the alcohol. Well this explains Josh’s tipsy state, you thought to yourself as you took a sip.

The drink was strong, but it tasted good. Like cinnamon. It was a good holiday drink, perfect for the occasion. You smiled at Jake and he looked at his grandfather, giving him a little finger gun motion.

“Come here I have something I want to show you,” Jake said as he pulled you down the hall and into his room, closing the door behind him. 

The loud noises of the Kiszka family became muffled by the closed door.

He sat you down on his bed and he went down on his knees to reach under it.

“Close your eyes,” he said with one hand still hidden under the bed while the other hand held his cup. 

You closed your eyes and felt him place something in your lap.

“Okay… open your eyes.”

You looked down at your lap to see a small silver box with a little red ribbon on top.

 “Jake,” you started, “We agreed- no presents!”

“I know, I know. But, you mean a lot to me and I just- I don’t know. I wanted to,” he explained.

You put your cup on his nightstand and unwrapped the bow, looking at Jake before completely opening the box. Jake’s face in that moment brought you back to when he opened the garage door to you for the first time. He was excited but also apprehensive about your reaction. 

You opened the box to reveal a gold necklace with a charm of your first initial shining brightly in the dim light of his bedroom. 

“Jake,” you whispered.

“Do you like it?” he asked, still on his knees in front of you.

“I love it, it’s perfect. Thank you.” 

You leaned down to kiss him. Your lips joined for a minute and he stood up, never breaking the connection. You pulled away as he got higher and you were still sitting.

“Can you help me put it on?” You asked him. 

“Of course. Hold this for a second,” he said, extending his cup out to you and you exchanged the necklace for the cup.

With the necklace in hand, Jake kneeled on his bed behind you. He moved your hair to one side of your neck and draped the necklace over your head, clasping it in the back. His hands traveled down your back and around your waist as he kissed the exposed spot on your neck. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” he said in his soft, raspy voice. 

His voice sent vibrations through your body and made you shiver in the best way.

“Mmm. Merry Christmas, Jake,” you replied with a smile spreading wide across your face.

He reached around you and grabbed the cup from your hand, drinking the remainder of what was in it. He got back to his feet and walked over to the nightstand to place his empty cup on the nightstand next to yours. He leaned against it and placed his hands on the edge of it.

“Want to relax here for a little? It’s kind of loud out there,” he said, motioning his head towards the door.

“Sure,” you began, “I really like your family though.”

“I think they like you too. I told you you had nothing to worry about,” he said with a little I told you so smirk and raised eyebrows.

Jake unbuttoned his flannel shirt the rest of the way, and pulled it off his shoulders. The warm light of his room casted shadows and highlighted the muscles in his back and arms. Your eyes trailed down to his stomach, his barely there ab muscles flexed as he turned his body to throw the shirt across the room. Above his belt he had just a little bit of fat that rested on his hips. His body wasn’t perfect, but to you it was. 

He undid his belt, kicked off his pants, and tossed both into a hamper by the closet. He opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a t- shirt and a pair of boxers. 

He held them out to you and said, “If you want to wear something more comfortable.”

You pulled your sweater over your head, let it fall to the floor, and threw on his shirt. Jake pretended to look away but you caught his eyes wandering a few times.

As you unbuttoned your jeans, you saw him do his nervous neck grab again, and caught his eyes peeking around.

“I know what you’re doing,” you giggled as you threw your pants at him and put on the boxers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied with a sly smirk lighting up his face.

Jake has seen your body before. In fact, he’s seen more of you than this before. But for some reason, this little moment was different.

Maybe it was because it was Christmas. Maybe it was because of the alcohol. Or maybe it was because your feelings towards each other were growing stronger and you both knew it- but were just a little too shy to say anything.

Jake sat down on his bed, leaned against the headboard and stretched his legs out. You climbed in between his legs and sunk into his body. He was warm. His skin was soft. His body around you like this reminded you of the time in the garage. However, it was more intimate this time. You were in his bed, he was practically naked underneath you, and you were in his clothes.

You felt completely secure and safe in his arms. You leaned your head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head and pulled the covers over the both of you.

You closed your eyes as Jake traced patterns on your upper arm with his fingertips underneath his blanket.

“Don’t forget you have to take me home later,” you mumbled.

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, gently grabbing your head and pushing your hair out of your face.

You woke up the next morning with heavy eyes. You felt a huge weight on your back. You opened your eyes to see Jake, shirtless, with his arm draped over you.

You squinted your eyes as the sun shone through the window next to his bed and lit up the room. You picked your head up and looked over at him. He was fast asleep. 

“What the fu-” you start to say.

“Mmm, baby go back to sleep,” Jake answered in a deep, raspy voice. His arm that rested on your back pulled your body closer to his. 

You sat up on your elbow and looked at the clock on his nightstand. 

10:24 AM. 

Next to the clock were the two empty cups that were once full of liquor. You looked around the room. Josh was passed out with one leg dangling off his bed, his face deep in his pillow, and breathing with his mouth open. 

Sam was gone, thankfully.

You pulled Jake’s arm off you, reached for your phone, and sat up. Eleven missed calls and countless texts from your mom. Fuck.

“Jake, baby, get up,” you said as you gave his side a little nudge.

He breathed in deep and opened his eyes, blinking a few times. His normally tired eyes looked even more tired than usual as he fought to keep them open.

“You were supposed to take me home last night. My mom is going to kill me. And my dad? Oh God, my dad is going to kill you.”

Jake instantly perked up when he realized the situation at hand. 

“Oh shit,” he said, ripping the covers off himself and getting out of bed.

Silently, you both got up and started getting changed back into your clothes. He tossed your clothes onto the bed and reached into the hamper to get his from last night. 

You kept Jake’s shirt on and held your sweater in your arms. You looked down at your phone, thinking of how you could possibly explain this to your parents as Jake put his shoes on. 

The door to the bedroom opened and in walked Sam with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. 

“Have fun last night?” Sam asked suspiciously as he walked over to his bed. 

He continued, “You know, Christmas is a sacred holiday. It is the day of Jesus’ birth. It is not a day to fu-”

“Oh my God! Sam, would you shut up already?” Jake yelled.

With the raise of Jake’s voice, Josh jolted in bed with a gasp. He relaxed when he opened his eyes briefly to see he was in his own bed. 

“It’s too early for this, go back to sleep,” he groaned in a tired voice. He rolled over, pushed his entire face back into his pillow, and covered himself up completely in his comforter. 

Sam walked out of the room with a towel on his arm and a smirk on his face. As if he knew some kind of top secret information. Like, Jake was going to be in big trouble. Based on Sam’s reaction, you wondered if Jake’s parents knew you were still there. 

Jake turned to you, “Stay here for a second, I’m gonna go see if my parents are around.”

He walked out the room and closed the door most of the way behind him. You heard a faint conversation between him and his mom coming from the living room.

After a few minutes, the door opened again and Jake came through, breathing deep and handing you a bottle of water.

“Okay,” he began slowly, “They know you’re here. But I told them nothing happened and I think they believe me. They’re not mad. They’re mostly pissed at me because I didn’t take you home last night like I promised.”

You got up from his bed and smiled at him.

“Well, you’re taking me home now, aren’t you? So you kept half the promise.” 

Jake smiled back and gave you a little kiss on the lips. 

“Come on, go say bye to my parents and get in the car. I have some explaining to do with your parents,” he laughed nervously.

You got home and explained the situation to your parents. Jake apologized and they accepted it. They were still pretty mad and told you that you couldn’t see Jake for the rest of winter break. You couldn’t blame them. 

However, you planned to text during the day and call each other every night to talk. The texting and calling helped but you still missed him. You missed the things you couldn’t get through a phone.

You missed his touch. You missed the way his hair fluttered around your face when he kissed you. You missed the way his eyes lit up when he talked about stuff he liked. You missed the way he looked at you when you explained stuff to him. But most of all, you missed the way he made you feel. Safe. And loved.

That night, Sam laid awake in his bed, unable to sleep. He whispered to Jake to see if he was awake. Jake replied that he was.

“So…how do you kiss a girl?” Sam asked shyly.

Jake laughed lightly, “I’ll explain tomorrow. Go to sleep, Sammy.”

January 2014:

Your parents warmed back up to Jake after a bit of time and allowed you to continue going to his house after school and on weekends. Sam grew to be more accepting of your relationship after a conversation with Jake about girls over winter break. Now instead of gagging noises when you two did anything in front of him, he blew little air kisses at you. 

It was Sunday and neither of you had responsibilities for the day. It was snowing outside and the area was expected to get about 10-12 inches so you were sure school would be canceled the next day. The roads were already covered with snow and ice. Your parents knew you’d have to end up sleeping at Jake’s house until the roads were cleared. Jake’s mom assured her that you would sleep in the basement and Jake would sleep in his room. Doors open. 

You sat on the floor of Kiszka’s living room with Jake. You sat a foot away from each other, throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths and giggling while Josh laid on the couch with his eyes attached to the screen in front of him.

“Are you guys seriously going to do that the entire time?” Josh asked, his eyes still not leaving the screen as he spoke.

“I’m sorry Josh, would you like to join us? We could all cuddle later if you want too?” Jake teased.

Josh rolled his eyes. 

“Very funny. Ha. Ha. You know,” he began, talking with his hands flailing around, “this film is absolute perfection. The film noir elements are so subtle, yet strong. Even for the time period, it really stands out as one of the most well thought out displays of cinematography to date. I mean just look at the camera work here! The shadows! The way it pans out! AH! SO GOOD!” 

His eyes went back to being glued on the screen, paying the utmost attention to his film and resting his chin in his hand.

Josh was in his element. His own little world. Film was something he loved. He could study it for hours. He didn’t plan on moving from that spot on the couch for the rest of the day.

“Want to go outside?” Jake suggested, raising his eyebrows at you. 

“Now? Isn’t it snowing?” you asked.

“What, you’ve never played in the snow before?” 

He tilted his head at you and started to get up. He lifted you to your feet, grabbed the popcorn bowl off the floor, and placed it in Josh’s lap.

Jake turned to Josh before following you out of the room and down the hall.

“We’re gonna go outside if you want to come,” he offered.

“Mmm,” Josh mumbled, waving Jake away, eyes not moving from the screen.

You and Jake walked down the hall, and into his room to get his boots and coat. As you entered, you stopped when you saw Sam laying on the floor in the middle of the room. His eyes were closed, his legs were crossed at his ankles, and his hands rested behind his head. A small smile formed on his face as a record of blues music played from the record player on top of the boys’ dresser.

Jake stepped over him and reached into the closet to grab what he needed. Sam had no idea either of you were in the room and he started humming and moving his head to the song. 

You looked down at Sam and smiled, seeing how content and at peace he was in his own little musical world. Just like Josh was in the living room with his film. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was music.

You both put on your coats and hats and walked into the kitchen to leave through the backdoor. Both Jake’s mom and dad were in the kitchen baking with Ronnie. 

“You guys going outside?” Karen asked, putting a tray of cookies in the oven.

“Mmhm,” you and Jake replied in unison.

“Have fun,” Kelly said as he wiped down the countertops and tossed the paper towel in the garbage.

Jake opened the back door and ushered you out. The snow had stopped falling momentarily and Jake’s backyard looked right out of a movie scene. Snow had stuck to the bare tree branches, turning them white. A perfect white blanket of snow covered the grass with some tiny squirrel footprints trailing across the yard. 

Jake walked across the deck with you following behind him. There was a path carved out from where his dad shoveled through earlier. 

“Be careful, this is where I cracked my head open when I was three,” he said as he hopped down the steps and out onto the snow covered grass. “I told you about that right?” 

“Ha, yeah once or twice,” you replied. 

Jake loved to tell you stories about him nearly dying during his childhood. There were many. His poor mother.

Jake held his hand out to you and you took it in yours as you walked down the steps, careful not to step on any patches of ice.

You stood on the last step and stopped to face him. His shaggy bangs covered his eyes and poked out of the bottom of his knitted beanie. Standing on the step made you a couple inches taller than usual and your eyes were perfectly even with his. His nose had turned a little red from the cold already and you kissed the tip of it. He smiled and repeated the action to you. 

“Hop on,” he said as he turned around, motioning you to piggyback him. 

You only had sneakers on and he had proper snow boots, so there was no way you could walk through 8 inches of snow on your own. You jumped onto his back and wrapped your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms under your legs and lifted you up higher on him. You rested your chin on his shoulder and he started through the snow. 

You turned your face into the side of his neck just by his ear and pressed kisses to his skin as he continued to walk, slowing his steps as you got closer to the spot on his neck that made him weak everytime.

“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna end up dropping you,” he warned playfully. 

“I know you wouldn’t,” you returned his playful tone and continued sprinkling him with kisses.

He stopped walking and turned his face towards yours.

“What if I did? What would you do if I dropped you right now?” he smirked.

“Jake, if you drop me in this snow-”

“Yeah? What would you do?” he chuckled, raising his eyebrows. 

He knew you didn’t have any line of defense here and he held all the power in his hands. He could easily throw you backwards into the snow right now.

“I will kick you in the balls so hard, you’ll never have kids,” you warned. 

Part of you was joking, but the other part was serious.  

“Oooh, is that a threat or a promise?” he said suggestively.

You tapped him lightly on his cheek and pushed his face away, mimicking a smack.

He kept walking until he got to a picnic table in the middle of the yard. He extended one arm to push some snow off it, revealing a portion of the wooden surface. He turned around and let you sit down on it. Your legs dangled off the sides and Jake turned his body around to face you. He grabbed your face in his hands, cupping your jaw. He placed a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Can I tell you something?” he asked.

“Mhm, anything,” you replied, nodding your head.

He put his hand behind his neck. You knew he was nervous. 

“I…” he sighed, “Nevermind, it’s.. it’s stupid,” he stuttered.

“Jake, you can’t say you want to tell me something and then not say it.” 

“Nevermind, really, it’s stupid. I’ll tell you later. Not now,” he shook his head.

“Okay fine but promise you’ll tell me later?” you asked as you grabbed his chin. 

He nodded as his eyes darted all over your face- almost like he was searching your face for an answer to something he wasn’t sure of.

You both paused there for a moment, just looking at each other.

You broke eye contact with him and picked up some of the fresh, fluffy snow off the table and held it in your hand. You opened your palm in front of his face and blew it on him. His eyes shut tight and he scrunched up his nose at the sudden cold feeling on his face. He opened his eyes, his mouth hung open, and he let out a breath, shocked. 

You laughed seeing him caught off guard. A smile appeared across his face and his eyes grew wild with mischief. Suddenly, he nuzzled his cold, wet, face in your neck; kissing you with snowflakes shivering your skin. 

“Jake!” you playfully whined as you wiggled your head and shoulders to get his cold face away from your neck.

Jake placed one arm under your legs and the other arm around your back, swooping you up bridal style off the table. He started back towards the house with you in his arms.

“Let’s go, Baby. Back inside. No more snow for you,” he huffed. He kissed you on your temple as he hitched you up.

As he was trudging through the snow with his heavy boots, he missed a step and tripped with you in his arms. He still had you but both of you gasped and breathed out with sighs of relief and chuckles when he got his balance again.

He looked down at you in his arms, “Did you think I was going to let you go?” He questioned.

“For a second there, yeah!” you admitted, laughing.

“You’re lucky. You came close to going down,” he replied, smiling.

“You would let me fall?” you asked innocently, raising your eyebrows at him.

“What, like this?” he asked as he faked you out. He let you drop for a second before catching you again. 

You squealed and gripped his neck tighter. Jake was bending down with you hanging in his arms. Your body was a foot off the ground, and your hair was falling behind you. 

“Yeah? What are you gonna do now?” he said as he lowered you down further, your body now just a few inches from the ground. His smile lit up his face as he spoke and his entire body vibrated from laughing.

“You know what I said I’d do if you dropped me,” you smiled with your tongue between your teeth and raised your eyebrows at him. 

“Try me,” he whispered.

And with that, thud. He dropped you right into the snow. You felt the cold surround your body, shocking you slightly. Your jaw dropped as you looked up at him. Your body was frozen both figuratively and literally. 

His bright smile was huge on his face. His shoulders moved up and down as he laughed nervously. He wasn’t sure if he just made a huge mistake. 

Jake reached his hand out to you to pull you up and you took it. He started to bring you to your feet when you shot your foot up to his groin, and made contact. He let go of your hand, plopping you back into your spot in the snow. 

“Ohh!” He groaned as he grabbed himself and spun in a circle around himself, hunched over a little. 

“Hahaha! I told you I would!” you laughed.

“You’re gonna get it now,” he said, lunging towards you. 

“Jake!” you screeched.

He threw himself on top of you and laughed before he kissed you hard, pushing both of you down deeper into the snow. The area surrounding your body was freezing but his breath was warm against your face and his body was warm on top of you. 

He pulled away from the kiss and looked you in the eyes. His expression turned serious. His eyes were scanning your face again and finally he breathed out. 

“I…Y/N, I….I love you.” 

You sucked in a sharp breath at his words. Love.

His tired eyes silently begged you to say something, anything back to him. He held his breath and never broke eye contact with you as he waited for a reaction.

“Jake, I…” you began, reaching up and holding his cheek in your hand. “I love you too.”

The words came out of your mouth as if you had been holding onto them for years, even though it had only been a few months. It felt absolutely right. There was no doubt in your mind. You loved Jake. 

“Yeah?” he asked, blinking and raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” you said softly, reassuring him and giving him a little peck on the lips.

He flashed that big bright smile at you again and you did the same. He kissed you again. 

Deep. 

Long. 

Passionately. 

Your heart was exploding in your chest in the best way. Your head was reeling as your lips moved against his. You didn’t even care that you were laying in the freezing snow. Everything about this moment was perfect. It was like everything in life had come to a peak right here. You didn’t care about anything else in the world, except him. 

The snow started to fall again and Jake broke away from you, laughing. He sat up and pulled you up with him. There was no use in him carrying you now, both of you were soaking wet. 

You and Jake spent close to an hour outside together in the snow. You had snowball fights, made snow angels, and caught snowflakes on your tongues.

When you couldn’t feel your hands anymore and Jake’s lips started to turn a shade of purple, you decided to call it a day and you walked back to the house, hand in hand. 

You stopped him at the door and put your hands around his waist, clasping them behind his back and pulling him in tight. “Say it again,” you said softly. 

“I love you,” he said confidently.

“I love you,” you replied.

He kissed you and hummed into the kiss, “Mmm, God I love you,” he said smiling.

You bit your lip and turned the doorknob to the inside.

When you entered the kitchen, his parents gave each other a smirk as they cleaned up the remainder of the dishes. You could tell they were watching from the kitchen window. 

“Did you guys have fun out there?” Karen asked sweetly, even though she already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Jake tried to say casually, hiding a smile.

“Go get out of those clothes and into something warm, now!” Kelly called as you and Jake exited the kitchen.

Jake met you in the laundry room with a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and one of his hoodies. 

You both took your clothes off, threw them in the dryer, and put the fresh ones on. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room. 

Now dry and warm, you stopped by the boys’ room to get your phone and you saw Sam- still on the floor, in the same position you saw him last. 

You and Jake went downstairs to set up the pull out couch for you to sleep on that night and as you passed the living room, just like Sam, Josh had not moved an inch. Both of them were still in their own little worlds. 

Jake helped you set up the bed and when you were done, the two of you went upstairs for dinner. You sat next to Jake and he held your hand and your thigh under the table the entire time. 

After dinner, Jake accompanied you in the basement for a bit. He knew eventually he would have to go upstairs and sleep in his own bed, as previously decided by both sets of parents. 

He laid on his back with your head on his chest, cuddled into him, looking at the TV. The two of you were watching a movie when you looked up at him. 

“Hey, what was that thing that you wanted to tell me earlier?” you asked.

“Oh,” he chuckled, “I already said it,” he replied.

“What, that you love me?” you asked with a smile.

“You like hearing it, don’t you?”

You nodded at him.

“Yes. I love you,” he said, leaving a kiss on the top of your head.

He was right. You loved hearing him say it. It was the way his soft, raspy voice practically sang the phrase. You couldn’t get enough. 

Jake’s hand lazily rubbed your back and you felt his heartbeat in his chest as you closed your eyes for the night.

Before going to bed, Kelly looked into the boys room to see Jake’s bed was empty and noticed that coming from the basement stairs was a dull glow of the TV and the light sounds of Jake’s snoring.

Karen came up behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“You wanna tell him to get up here and go to bed?” she asked.

“No,” Kelly replied, “he’s in his own little world.”

February 2014:

As the cold, Michigan winter rolled on, you and Jake spent a lot of time together. After the initial “I love you” was off both of your chests, things continued to blossom between the two of you and you became each other’s best friends. You revealed secrets about yourselves that no one else knew. You told each other about your insecurities. He showed you the scar on his arm from when he broke it in middle school and you traced your fingers lightly on it. When he rubbed your legs, he kissed the stretch marks on your thighs that you were always self conscious about. You two were a real couple. Sure you were still only young, but everything about it felt right. You and Jake fit together. Being with him was like riding a bike or walking- it was second nature to you. 

You were in the Kiszka’s kitchen after school one day with Jake. It was just the two of you, no one else was home. His parents trusted him with you. In general, they were cool parents, but they also knew nothing would go on in their house that they had to worry about. 

You sat on the counter with Jake standing in between your legs. He put a cookie in your mouth and brought his face close to yours to bite off the half that was sticking out to him. 

“So,” he started as he chewed, “Valentine’s Day is coming up.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed as you chewed the cookie.

“Can I take you out?”

“Like, on a date?” you asked. 

“Well, yeah. We’ve never actually had a real date yet,” he reminded you.

He was right. The two of you never actually went somewhere together. All of the time you spent together was either at school, your house, or his house- mostly his house.

“Oooh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, smirking at him playfully.

Jake lowered his head and laughed, “You’ll see,” he replied, looking up at you through his hair. You loved when he did that. His hair was getting longer and he refused to cut it. He liked it like that. He said one day he wanted to grow it past his shoulders, like a “Rock God.” 

He pushed himself up on his tiptoes to give you a kiss and then lowered you down off the counter. He pulled you into the living room. He sat down on the couch, still holding onto your hand as you stood in front of him.

“Kiss me,” he groaned with his head tilting up and his eyes closing slightly. 

You straddled him and put your knees on either side of his thighs. He held your waist and you lowered your head to connect your lips. It started off soft but quickly gained passion.

Jake’s tongue started sliding along your bottom lip and entering your mouth. His hands traveled past your waist and rested on your butt. You snaked your hands under his shirt and you felt his stomach muscles tighten with the contact. You rubbed the skin of his stomach, feeling goosebumps rise on the surface of his skin.

Jake moaned into the kisses, sending vibrations through your body. You pulled back from him, and looked at him. His eyes were in a dreamy state. You gave him one last kiss on the side of his mouth before attaching your lips to his neck. He tilted his head back to give you better access, breathing heavily and closing his eyes as you littered his neck with wet kisses and sucked on that sweet spot just below his ear. 

He snaked his hands up under your shirt and rubbed up and down your back. His hands slipped under your bra strap, toying with it, teasing you. His calloused fingertips dug into the delicate skin of your back as he played with it. You grinded your hips down against him and he moved his along with yours. 

“Honey, I’m home!” you heard a familiar voice boom as the front door swung open. 

Jake opened his eyes and ripped his hands away from you. You turned your head and jumped off of Jake to sit next to him on the couch.

Josh looked at you both with a shocked expression that quickly turned into a suggestive smirk.

“I’m not telling you how to live your lives,” he said casually as he raised his hands as a sign of surrender, “but, no sex on the family couch. Anywhere else is fine though.”

“I thought you had rehearsal?” Jake asked with a confused look on his face.

“I did, but they didn’t need me much today,” Josh replied, “I have to go run my lines anyway. Have fun,” Josh said suggestively as he shot a wink at you. 

He kicked his shoes off and walked down the hall into the boys room, closing the bedroom door behind him. 

Catching your breath, you turned to Jake and combed your fingers through your hair.

“Jake,” you started, “Does he think that we…”

“We, what?”

“You know.”

“Know, what?”

“Does Josh think that we… have sex?” 

Jake coughed at the question and a shocked expression appeared on his face. He looked to the floor, trying to recollect instances that may have led Josh to think that.

“I mean, he knows we mess around. We’ve done almost everything except that. And he has. I’ve talked to him about some stuff. I mean, he’s my twin brother. And honestly it would make sense for him to think we have,” he answered. 

You sighed and looked down at your hands. Jake grabbed them and pulled them to his mouth, kissing your knuckles and setting them down on his lap.

“Hey,” he began, “you really care what he thinks?” 

You shrugged your shoulders. 

Neither of you had done it yet. But you felt like everyone else in the world had. Josh had and so had a handful of your friends. You wanted to and so did Jake, Jake more than you. But you were scared and Jake knew it. Usually when things got heated, one of you would call it off before you went all the way. You out of fear, and Jake out of respect for you. But, no matter the reason, you both didn’t mind though. It just wasn’t the right time yet.

“Look at me, Baby,” Jake whispered, “Don’t worry about what Josh thinks may or may not have happened. It’ll happen when it happens. When you’re ready. And I won’t talk about it to him again. Okay? I’m sorry, I know it’s different for girls,” he said calmly as he rubbed your cheek with his thumb.

“Okay,” you said softly. 

He grabbed the remote control off the coffee table and turned on the TV. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your shoulder with his thumb. You both fell asleep and woke up when Sam and Ronnie got home with his parents. Jake drove you home and worked on his date plans that night. 

February 14, 2013:

The ring of the door bell made you jump. You looked down at your phone. 7 PM exactly. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror, grabbed your coat and headed downstairs. Jake had told you to dress warm, not fancy. He didn’t tell you anything except that. When you tried to get details out of him, he would do a little “zipped lips” motion with his mouth and fingers.

When you got downstairs you saw Jake at the door, talking to your mom. She turned around when she heard your footsteps. 

“Hi,” you said, smiling at him and biting your lip.

“Hey,” Jake said, his eyes scanning you up and down, holding back a full smile.

“Midnight,” your mom said sternly, looking Jake in the eyes. She did not want a repeat of the last time Jake was supposed to bring you back home at night. 

“Yes. Midnight,” Jake nodded. 

Your mom gave you a wink as she walked away, leaving you and Jake alone. 

“You look beautiful, as always,” Jake said, pulling you into a hug and giving you a small kiss on the lips. 

You pushed his hair out of his face, “Thank you. You look cute. You know I like it when you wear that hat.” 

He was wearing that same beanie he wore that day in the snow. The bangs of his hair poked out of the bottom and covered almost half of his face. 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” you asked as he led you out the front door.

“Nope,” he said playfully, opening the passenger door to the white Jeep his parents allowed him and Josh to drive. Jake only had his permit, and Frankenmuth was a small town. Plus, his family knew a lot of the cops in town so his parents let him drive around town because they knew he’d never get in trouble. He just wasn’t allowed to go outside of town. 

Jake began the drive to his destination and you kept your eyes on him. As he drove through the main part of town, the bright lights from streetlights and storefronts illuminated his features and casted shadows over his eyes and accentuated his cheekbones. It reminded you of the first time you were in the car with him. You were nervous with him back then, where now, you were completely relaxed.

He slid his hand over your knee and traveled it up towards your thigh as he held back a small smile.  You rubbed your hand on top of his and held it there, giggling a little. 

“Remember when you first came over and I told you that I liked when you look at me when you think I don’t see you?” he asked, eyes never leaving the road as he pulled up to a red light. 

You giggled, “Yes?” you replied playfully.

“Well, now you’re starting to creep me out,” he joked. 

You smacked his hand on your leg and then picked it up to kiss his knuckles. 

He continued driving and you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign illuminated ahead. 

“Jake? you dragged out the A in his name. 

“Mhmm?” he replied, also dragging out the word.

“Where are we going?” you asked in that same tone.

“Not far, don’t worry, Mom,” he teased, giving your leg a squeeze as he drove under the sign and out of town.

Jake turned off the main road and started driving up a hill. The lights of the town were now far in the distance as he continued on a small gravel road surrounded by trees. 

He pulled the Jeep into a spot off the road in the woods, hopped out, and ran over to your door. He opened it and grabbed your hand as you stepped out onto the ground. He started walking you down a small dirt path through the trees. 

“Jake, if we get murdered tonight I will never forgive you.” 

“Aw damn really? That’s exactly what I had in mind for tonight. Sorry, I thought you’d like the idea of kissing me with my blood from an ax wound on your hands as you watch the light leave my eyes,” he teased, earning himself a light smack on the chest.

As you kept walking, you saw a light peeking through the bare trees. Leaves left over from fall crunched under your feet as you walked.

“So,” he began, “One day when we were like 12, Josh and I went too far out of town on our bikes. We ended up riding up here, thinking it was a way back home, and we thought it was cool. I’ve come back a few times since then. I’ve never seen anyone here though. Ever.”

You started to walk into a clearing that dipped off like a cliff- looking down on Frankenmuth with lights in the distance. Right at the edge of the cliff was a little campfire. Along with a blanket and Jake’s backpack on the ground.

He walked you over to the blanket.

“Have a seat, My Love,” he said. 

You sat down and he followed you, the heat from the fire warmed the two of you up perfectly. It was the dead of winter but you weren’t cold at all. He started digging into his backpack and pulled out two round glasses and a bottle of red wine. 

“Ooh, so romantic,” you teased.

He flashed a smile at you, “Don’t tell my mom,” he whispered as if there were other people around to hear. 

You held the glasses as he opened the wine and poured. You clinked the classes together and sipped it, looking at each other over the rim of the glasses. 

You placed a wet, wine covered kiss to his lips. You tasted the flavors of him and the wine mixing on your tongue. He pulled away and smiled at you with the light from the fire lighting up his face.

He leaned back onto his elbows and stretched his legs out. You did the same but you leaned on one elbow and turned your body towards his slightly.

“See those lights out there?” he asked, pointing to the faintest cluster of lights off the edge of the land. 

“Mmhmm,” you replied.

“That’s Detroit.” 

He pointed to another area of lights farther in the distance to the side a bit. 

“And that’s Canada. During the day, you can see Lake Erie.”

It was an absolutely breathtaking sight. You always felt kind of trapped in Michigan. But seeing the world out there, shining in front of you, made you feel like it was possible to get out and explore it one day with him. 

The sky was clear. You could see every star in the sky and the full moon was shining overhead. You loved the night sky and Jake knew that. It always made you feel so small. Like any problem you ever had was insignificant compared to how big the universe was. You both looked up to the sky, gazing at the stars and the moon. Jake looked for a little extra time, studying it closely. His eyes squinted and he was in deep thought.

“What are you looking at?” you asked him playfully, noticing his fixation on the sky.

He sat up and dug into his backpack again, this time, he pulled out a piece of paper. 

Jake pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“You see that star? The one just above that little string of four?” 

“Yeah, why?” you asked once you spotted it.

“Well, it’s yours.” 

“What do you mean it’s mine?”

Jake unfolded the paper in his hand and let you look at the document in the firelight. Your heart raced and your jaw dropped as you read the words on the paper. You looked at him. He was looking back at you with those nervous eyes again. 

“You named a star after me?” you whispered as tears formed in your eyes and your lips parted in surprise.

He nodded, his head turning to the side a bit to get a good look at you. His mouth formed a smile. 

You shook your head, “Jake,” was all you could say. You were speechless. 

With his thumb, he wiped a tear that fell onto your cheek and he held your face in his hand. He looked deep into your eyes and waited for you to say something. 

“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said. 

You barely finished the last word when his mouth crashed into yours. He leaned over you and his lips never parted from yours as he laid you down on the blanket covered ground.

You know when people say they feel fireworks when they kiss someone? You didn’t feel fireworks. You felt a volcanic explosion. Your entire body was electrified. It was a deep feeling, deeper than anything you’ve ever felt before. You wanted this feeling forever and you knew with Jake, you’d have it that way.  

You and Jake talked a lot about life that night. You discussed your goals, ambitions, and futures. It was one of the most serious and mature conversations you ever had. Not just with Jake, but with anyone. Period. You were growing up and becoming adults. Your childhood was fading quickly and although not knowing the future scared you, you had him to go through it with; and that made you feel a lot better.

Jake’s phone buzzed at 11:15. He set an alarm this time so he could get you back home on time. You packed up everything, put out the fire, and got back in the car. Before he put it in drive you leaned over to him, turned his chin towards you, and kissed him. 

“Thank you for everything tonight,” you said, planting more soft kisses on his lips. 

He held onto the back of your neck and pulled you closer. You moved your tongue into his mouth and he did the same. You continued like that for a few minutes, getting lost within each other. 

His hands traveled down your body as yours rubbed along his thighs. He pushed up the divider and you crawled up onto the seat. He moved his seat back so you were able to sit on his lap. You felt him through his jeans and he moaned into your kisses. 

You pushed his coat off of his shoulders and he did the same on you. His hands traveled up to your chest, under your shirt, feeling you over your bra. His thumbs rubbing the skin just above the cups. You unbuttoned his jeans and let your hands feel him up over his boxers. You unbuttoned yours and started to pull them off yourself. 

He pulled his mouth off yours and grabbed your wrists. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, pressing your lips onto his neck. 

He moved his neck for you to get off of him and shook his head at you.

“No. I’m not letting you do this. This isn’t what you want.”

“It is what I want, Jake. Come on, just do it. Get it over with.”

He pulled your jeans back up on you and buttoned his own. 

“No. That’s exactly why I’m not doing this with you right now. Get it over with? Are you serious?” 

You leaned back on his lap and looked at him with angry eyes and your lips pursed shut.

“Jake, I’m ready!” you said sharply.

“Yeah, well two days ago you weren’t!” he shot back.

You pulled your coat back on and sat back down in the passenger seat, arms crossed, looking straight ahead. You couldn’t see him but his jaw was clenched and his eyes looked down at your legs. You both sat there in silence for a few moments. You’d never fought before. It wasn’t exactly a fight- more of a disagreement. But still, you had never felt anger towards him. Secretly you knew he was right though. He knew you better than you knew yourself.

Jake was the first to speak.

“Baby, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me, I want to,” he breathed as he turned to you. “But this isn’t the time, and it’s especially not the place. I mean, come on, in a car?”

You looked at him, relaxed your face, and sighed, even laughed a little. 

“You’re right,” you said, reaching your hand out to him. 

He took your hand in his and rubbed the top of it with his thumb. 

“When we do it, we’re gonna do it right. And I’ll make sure it’s perfect,” he assured you, “I love you, you know that,” he said in his soft, deep voice. 

He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. While they were closed, you leaned forward to him, placing the most gentle kiss on his cheek. 

He opened his eyes and smiled at you. 

“Come on,” he whispered, opening the car door and getting out. 

“Jake, what the hell are you doing?” you asked as he opened your door and dragged you out by your hands and walked with you to the front of the Jeep. 

“Get on,” he said, putting his hands on your waist and lifting you onto the hood of the car. 

The coldness of the metal hit the backs of your legs. He climbed up and crawled behind you. He put his legs on either side of you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You rested your hands on top of his.

“Look at the sky,” he began, “don’t you always say you love looking at the night sky? Because when you look up, you feel small compared to how big it is out there?”

You nodded and Jake continued.

“Okay, now think of how big the universe is and how many people and problems there are in the world. What’s going on with us, right now? It’s nothing compared to what’s out there. There’s so much out there,” he said softly.

You turned your head to look at him. He always had a way of bringing you back down and making you feel so comfortable and safe. He felt like home. 

You closed your eyes and breathed deep in his arms for a few minutes, taking in the moment. 

“Jake?” you said after a while.

“Mhm?” he asked.

“Promise me that one day, we’ll see the world together. We’ll see what’s out there.”

“Promise,” he said, kissing the top of your head. 

You knew he would keep that promise.

“Come on, let’s get you home before twelve,” he said as he slid himself off the hood of the car. 

He extended his hands out to you and you hopped off into him. You both got in the car and Jake put one hand on the wheel and the other in your palm, pulling your hand up to his mouth every few minutes to kiss it gently.

The ride home was quiet, but comfortable. Jake pulled into your driveway at 11:58 PM. The living room light was on so you knew your parents were waiting. He walked you to the door and pulled you close before you went inside. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Night, baby,” he said quietly as he kissed your forehead.

You opened the door and smiled at him before you closed it. Jake walked back to the car and drove home silently, looking up at the stars the whole way home. 

A few days later, after school, you and Jake walked through the front door of the Kiszka home with fast food bags in your hands. When you entered, you were surprised to see two people on the couch. 

It was Josh and a girl in a very similar position you and Jake were caught in last week. The two of them continued at each other as you and Jake took your coats and shoes off. Neither of them realized you were even there.

“Josh, no sex on the family couch remember?” Jake said casually, causing Josh and the girl to jump up from what they were doing. 

You and Jake smiled at him and then at each other as you headed for his room with the bags of fast food and two joints waiting for you in his nightstand drawer.

March 2014:

You and Jake started going out more throughout the past month. He started making just a little bit of money from the bar gigs the band was playing. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for little dinner dates, ice skating, and bowling. 

Jake’s weekends also started getting busier. He would play a show on a Saturday night, not get home until 2 or 3 am on Sunday, and would sleep until noon.

Jake put all his focus on music. He had a lot of faith that his band would go far- especially now that they had Danny with them. However for every other senior in Frankenmuth, Michigan, end of the school year preparations were the focus. Spring break, prom, graduation, and college plans were the only things anyone could talk about. 

You had applied to a few colleges that interested you, mostly ones close to home. Michigan State University was only an hour away and had a good program for what you wanted to do. You were sure you’d go there. However, so did NYU. You applied to both in addition to some safety schools in Michigan and Ohio. 

You convinced Jake to apply to Delta Community College in Saginaw to at least try it out. He got in. But then again, everyone gets into community college. Regardless, his mom was happy to hear that he had a realistic plan for next year in case the whole “Rockstar” thing didn’t work out. 

Josh applied to Michigan State too. He wanted to study film making. He got his acceptance letter last week.

You sat at home on the computer, with your eyes scanning the screen. Jake laid on your bed with his feet up on the wall, eating grapes. 

“When are you gonna be done?” he asked, tilting his head back to look at you.

“In a couple seconds, I just want to check this last one.” 

You had been stalking the admission sites of the schools you applied to in hopes that your application status would go from Pending to Accepted. You would even take Rejected at this point. You just wanted to know. 

“Ugh, nothing yet,” you said as you closed out of the browser and shut the computer screen. 

Jake got up and walked over to you in the chair. He wrapped his arms around your neck and leaned close to your ear. 

“Why don’t you just wait for the letters in the mail like a normal person?” he asked with a hint of flirtation in his voice. “You know you’re gonna get in anyway.”

You sighed, “I don’t know, I just… I want to know now. Like, I just want to know what I’m doing with my life.”

Jake knelt down by your feet, looking up at you. 

“Why rush it? Time is already going by too quickly. Can we just live in this moment? Here? Now?” 

You bent down and wrapped your hands around his neck, resting your chin on the top of his head, “It’s scary, isn’t it? Growing up?” 

“Mhm,” he nodded. 

He broke away from your grasp and stood up, standing behind your chair again, and looking at you through your reflection in the mirror in front of you as he spoke. 

“You know what’s coming up that’s good though?” he asked. 

“What?” you asked sweetly.

“My show tomorrow. And you’re gonna be there,” he sang as he nuzzled his face into your neck, tickling you with his hair. 

“Yeah I’m finally gonna see you be a rockstar.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just a little bar gig,” he laughed.

“Well, I know I’ll love it no matter what,” you said, looking at his reflection. 

You turned your head and connected your lips with his. 

“Oooh, do I have my first groupie?” he said as he pulled back just a bit.

“Mmm, oh my God, Jake you’re soooo hot! Play that song for me again and do me in your dressing room!” you teased him in an exaggerated voice.

You both giggled at how ridiculous the thought was.

“No really. One day I’ll have groupies. And they’ll travel from all over to come see me. And they’ll throw their bras on stage,” he laughed and shook his head. “Heh. No, I’m just kidding. But imagine if that actually happened?” he smiled wide as he thought about it. 

Even though he was just joking, you knew that was what he wanted. That was the only thing he wanted. Jake was going to be a rockstar. No matter what.

When Jake left your house that afternoon, you noticed a pile of mail on the dining room table. You didn’t say anything. Jake had to get home for band practice and you didn’t want to dwell on the college stuff with him again. He had to focus on the show tomorrow. 

As you closed the door behind Jake, you eyed the little green MSU logo on one of the envelopes. You decided you would open it tomorrow. Jake was right- time was going by quickly and you wanted just one more day of not thinking about the fast approaching future.

The next day, you got to the bar around 9 so the band would be able to set up. You sat at a high top table with Ronnie and Jake’s mom while the guys prepared the stage. It was just a dive bar about 30 minutes outside Frankenmuth. It was dead at this point of the night. They weren’t going on until 11 so you had a lot of time to kill. Once the stage was set up, Jake came over to you with three beers in hand.

“For my ladies,” he said, putting them on the table. 

The guys played here often and the owner liked them so beer on tap was free for them. You looked across the room and saw Sam and Danny in the corner, filling up red soda cups with the beer. As two kids who clearly still looked like they were in middle school, they had to be a little more subtle about it than everyone else. 

Karen only allowed them one drink before the show and one after. But you knew better than her. You once saw Sam chug vodka from a bottle Josh had hidden under his bed. Who would have thought that little nerd had it in him?

“Thank you, Sir,” you joked as you took the beer from Jake and put the glass to your lips. You took a sip and held it out to him. He grabbed the glass and took one too, handing it back to you afterwards. Jake put his arm around your waist and kissed you on the cheek.

You put the glass down and snuck your hands around his waist. 

“Can we talk for a second?” you asked. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said as he backed away to let you hop down off the stool. 

You walked over to a quieter spot near the front entrance to the bar and held out a piece of paper to him. 

“Everything okay?” he asked. 

“Read it,” you said.

He saw the green logo at the top and then looked at you, worried. He opened the folded paper, his eyes scanned over the words, and he mumbled through the sentences quickly. 

His mouth opened slightly and he let out a breath, “You got in?” he whispered.

You nodded, biting your lip and looking up at him.

“Holy shit! You got in!” he said louder. 

His eyes lit up and he pulled you in by the waist and kissed you hard, you felt a small smile on his lips for the duration of the kiss.

You broke away from each other and smiled. He held you there for a minute more, just looking in your eyes. “Now you can relax, right?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed happily, “I’m gonna go tell Josh,” you said excitedly as you started to part from Jake.

Jake stayed where you left him as you walked over to Josh. As you spoke, he watched Josh’s face light up when you told him the news. Josh picked you up and spun you around, and then grabbed your arms and shook you around a little. 

Jake smiled bittersweetly to himself. He was happy for you and Josh. But things were changing. For someone who was always so sure of his future, he was starting to question himself. 

The bar started filling with more customers as the night went on. Some were regulars who talked with the bartenders and manager. Some were people who just came for a casual drink. The Wagner family was there and Danny’s parents and sister came to sit with you guys. You all talked and laughed until it was time for the boys to come on stage. 

Danny walked on first and sat down at his kit. Sam slung his bass over his head. Josh fiddled with the mic stand and wrapped the cord around his arm. Jake put his guitar on and gave it a strum, letting the audience know they were ready. You recognized the chord he played, it was the one he taught you the first time you were at his house. 

“Hello, everyone,” Josh began, “We are Greta Van Fleet, and we are honored to play for you this delightful evening.” 

Danny hit his sticks together in a 4 beat countdown and they began. 

They captivated the crowd the second they started. Some of the regulars were used to them, but even the people who didn’t know them looked impressed. They played a few songs, all ones you recognized from sitting in at some band rehearsals. Some were theirs and some were covers of songs they loved.

“This next one is a bit new. We’re gonna slow it down a little if that’s alright with you all.” Josh stated as he pulled a stool towards the mic. 

Jake took off his red electric guitar and swapped it for his acoustic one. 

“It’s called ‘Flower Power,’” Josh said, motioning to Jake to begin. 

Jake began to strum, looking down at the guitar. The song was cute and a  little folky, which you knew was something that inspired Jake a lot. 

You concentrated on the words Josh sang…

“It turns to night,

Firelight.

Star shines in her eye. 

Makes me feel like I’m alive” 

Then it hit you. This song. It was about you. 

You looked at Jake from where you were sitting. He knew you figured it out judging by how your hand was covering your mouth. His lips were fighting back a smile. He looked down at the guitar as he played, shaking his head a little. He didn’t want to break his hard rockstar exterior and he knew if he made eye contact with you, he would lose it. 

They finished up their set, took a break, and did another. Each time, they were met with a large applause at the end. Jake jumped off the stage and walked towards you. People patted him on the back as he walked by, saying “Good job, kid,” as he passed them. 

“I have to go take down the stage and load up in a second. But, what did you think?” he asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

“You were amazing,” you said, grabbing his sweaty face and giving him a soft kiss. You teased your tongue at him but pulled back after tasting the salty sweat covering his upper lip.

“Yeah there was a pretty girl in the audience I wanted to impress,” he smirked.

“I bet she’s a hot groupie,” you teased him.

“Yeah, she didn’t throw her bra on stage but maybe she’ll come do me in the bathroom,” he joked. 

“Shut up and go help your brothers,” you said, slapping his arm lightly. 

Jake walked away and left you with Ronnie at the table.

 “You guys are disgustingly cute,” she said, “I’m gonna miss you next year. I probably won’t miss Josh too much though. It’ll be nice and quiet without him.”

“Yeah it’ll be weird. But probably a little hard with all three of us being in college though.”

“All three of you?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side.

“Yeah, Jake’s going to Delta and Josh and I are going to Michigan State. But we’ll probably be home most weekends.”

“You sure about that? Jake told our parents last week that he’s not going and they can’t make him.”

Your mouth dropped open a bit, your eyes panned down to the floor, and you breathed out hard.

You looked back at Ronnie. Her lips were tucked in between her teeth. She knew saying that was probably a mistake. 

“He didn’t tell you,” she concluded.

You shook your head and got up, “Ronnie, I- I’ll talk to you later.”

You walked out the back door of the bar and watched Jake load the last amp into the van and shut the van’s back door. It was raining slightly and he was about to walk back inside but stopped after seeing you in the doorway.

“Hey, ready to go?” he asked.

You looked at him, expressionless.

“Are you okay-”

“When were you going to tell me?” you cut him off and crossed your arms. 

The rain started getting heavier. You both stood there, letting it fall on you. It was almost refreshing after being in the hot, sweaty bar for the past few hours.

“Tell you what?” 

“That you weren’t going to college?”

Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Let me guess, Ronnie told you? It’s really not a big deal, I don’t even need it anyway.”

“Not even to fall back on?”

“What do you mean ‘fall back on?’ What, you don’t believe in me?”

“Jake, I never said that.”

“Well it’s obvious you’re thinking it. Tell me the truth, Baby,” he replied harshly. 

You sighed and dropped your arms to your sides, “Jake, I love you but this band thing- you really think it’s going to go anywhere? At some point you have to be realistic.”

He got loud, “I am being realistic! I’m not smart like Sam! I’m not creative like Josh! I’m stup-”

“You’re Jake,” you assured him, calmly, stepping towards him, “That’s all you need to be.”

You grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in. The rain caused his hair to stick together in wet clumps. His t-shirt turned a darker color with the water it had soaked up. 

His expression changed. His eyes softened. His shoulders dropped and he looked down to the ground. You’ve never seen him sad before. He looked absolutely defeated.

“Since when is being Jake something to brag about?” he sighed and rolled his eyes. 

You grabbed his chin with your hands and moved his face towards yours. The rain fell in between your faces, making it hard for you to see him clearly.

“Look at me, Jacob,” you said sternly with his chin in your hand, moving it up a little. He wouldn’t look you in the eye until you forced him. 

His eyes moved to meet yours. Rain droplets caught on his eyelashes, hiding the fact that tears were forming in his eyes. He was breathing out through his nose hard and his lips were quivering.

You let go of his chin and held onto his face lightly with your palm.

“Jake, I’ve never met anyone like you. The way you play guitar? You’re good. You’re more than good, you’re amazing. So yeah, Sam is smart. Josh is creative. But you? Jake, you’re talented.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t going anywhere,” he mumbled.

You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment.

“You know what I mean. Just promise me you won’t get your hopes up. Not everyone makes it. I’m not saying I don’t believe in you. I’m just saying-”

“I know,” he interjected, “I know.” 

Jake had wanted this for as long as he could remember. This was all he ever wanted. Music was all he knew. But as he felt his childhood slipping away and real life sneaking up behind him, he could see his dreams getting farther out of reach.

You pulled him into a hug and held onto him for an extra minute out there with your head on his shoulder. Neither of you cared that you were in the rain. You pulled your head back and kissed him gently on the lips. He pulled his hands from behind you and brought them to your face, wiping away the mascara that was running down your cheeks. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” you replied, “but, no more secrets.” 

He nodded, “No more secrets. Now, come on, let’s get out of here. It’s 2 in the morning.” 

Jake let go of you and led you back inside. You opened the door to see the rest of the group ready to go. 

Josh and Sam hopped on either side of you, linking their arms with yours. Danny followed close behind, holding onto your shoulders.

“So,” Sam began, “What did you think? Am I your favorite?” 

“It was amazing. But I’m sorry, Sam, I have a favorite already. You come in at a close second though. If only you were a little older,” you teased.

“How do you feel about twins?” Josh asked, raising an eyebrow at you. 

Jake pushed through them, wrapped his arm around your waist, and pulled you out of their hold. 

“Okay, enough! She’s my groupie and I’m not sharing!” he announced, placing a dramatic kiss on your cheek with a “mwah” sound. 

“I actually have a question for Josh,” you stated, smirking.

“Are you considering the twin thing?” he asked, jokingly.

“No,” you said with a laugh. “I just want to know… Who the hell is ‘Mama?’”

Sam and Danny threw their heads back and laughed obnoxiously. 

“Ohhhh Mamaaaa!” they both sang out in unison.

Jake pushed his body into yours playfully and looked at Josh, biting his bottom lip, waiting for his response.

“The world may never know!” Josh said mysteriously as he ran out the front door of the bar, into the rain, and dove into the backseat of the white Jeep. 

Jake drove you home with Josh in the backseat, rambling on about something neither you nor Jake really understood. It was something about getting sick from being out in the cold and rain. You just smiled, nodded, and gave him the occasional “Mhmm.”

When you got home, you went to your room and saw a large envelope on your bed that read “New York University.” You knew what that meant. Everyone knew what that meant. You opened the envelope with shaking hands. 

You read, “Congratulations! You have been admitted to New York University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

Fuck.

When Jake got home, Sam was already asleep and Josh ran into the shower. Jake paced around his room. He looked at the film posters and sketches Josh had taped all over his wall. He picked up the papers off of Josh’s shelf.

He read, “Mr. Joshua Kiszka, Congratulations! You have been admitted to Michigan State University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

He put down the letter and looked over at Sam sleeping and looked up the wall just above his head. Awards and certificates from robotics club, junior debate team, and honor roll were lined up one after the other. He sighed. 

He looked over at his guitar sitting on his bed and smiled.

“Fuck college. I’m talented. I’m gonna make it,” he paused, “one day.”

April 2014:

Spring was finally here. All the snow had melted, little leaf buds were poking out of the tree branches, and the sun was shining warm for the first time in what felt like forever. 

You and Jake decided you were going to make the best of the warm weather. Jake’s favorite thing to do was to take you on hikes. He fit in perfectly with nature. He knew all these secret places in town with paths, hills, and cliffsides that he explored with you.

He would pick up frogs, take his shoes off and walk through creeks with you on his back, and feed deer that came close enough to him. One day, you were walking in the woods far behind his house. Jake was in front of you, in search of something that he wanted to show you. Once you walked far enough, you came to a huge boulder the size of a car. 

“Here it is!” he said, looking back at you.

“A giant rock?” you asked, laughing.

“No! Well, yeah,” he laughed. “But it’s not just any rock. This one is special,” he said.

It was as tall as he was, maybe a little taller. He expertly climbed up to the top of it and held his hand out for you to follow him. You used his hand to pull you up and then you both sat down on top of it with your legs dangling off the edge. Even though it was spring, the surface of the rock was still cold and you felt the chill of it through your jeans. 

“What’s so special about this rock?” you asked playfully.

“A lot of firsts happened here,” he began, counting on his fingers, “First time I punched Josh in the face, first time I threw up drunk,” he laughed and paused for a second, “first kiss.” 

“Ooh first kiss?” you teased, pushing him a little. 

“Mhmm, Madison Carter, seventh grade.” 

“You kissed Madison Carter?” you asked, kind of shocked at his choice of girl. She was not Jake’s ‘type’ at all. She was the definition of a stereotypical, mean, popular girl. 

“Are you jealous?” he teased, stretching the word while flashing you that full toothed smile and wide eyes. 

“Is Madison Carter here with you now?” you asked, your voice going up an octave with the question. 

“No…” he said slowly.

“Then no. I’m not jealous,” you stated matter of factly, “I know I could kiss you better than her anyway.” 

“Yeah?” he raised his eyebrows, “prove it.”

Slowly, you leaned your head closer to his and watched him close his eyes in anticipation. You closed the gap between the two of you, connecting your lips to his. He snaked his hand around your waist and pulled you closer. You grabbed the back of his neck and bit down on his bottom lip lightly, holding onto it with your teeth. You pulled your head away to break from him, while still holding his bottom lip in between your teeth. After a few seconds, you let go and watched his lip fall back into place as he opened his eyes.

His mouth hung open for a second and he looked shocked. Almost as if he couldn’t believe you just did that to him. His shocked expression faded into a smile as he spoke.

“Eh, I guess that was a little better,” he teased. 

You turned your body to face him, sat criss crossed, and rested your hands on his thigh. 

“So, what’s the ‘first’ that’s happening right now?” You asked.

“I’m with my first love,” he said as a satisfied smile spread across his face. 

You looked down and smiled. When you looked back up, his expression was serious. He looked at you and his soft, tired eyes had the most loving look in them. You looked deep into them. The sunlight highlighted the caramel and gold colors which bursted out of the chocolate brown base of his irises. 

He picked your hands up off his lap and planted kisses to your knuckles.

He lowered them down and continued, “It’s also a last, though,” he sighed, “My last day of being seventeen.”

You brushed the hair out of his eyes and dragged your hand down his cheek, rubbing the top of his cheekbone with your thumb. 

“Bittersweet, huh?” you asked quietly.

He nodded and started to get up, brushing off the back of his jeans with his hands as he stood. 

“But! I get my license tomorrow. I mean, if it all goes well, ya know?” 

Jake stood up on the rock and looked down at the ground below him. Quickly, he flung himself off it and landed on his feet with a thud. He turned around to face you and waved for you to jump. 

“Jake I am not jumping off this,” you warned.

“Baby, come on, it’s not even that high off the ground. This is a spot for first times! Jump!”

You shook your head at him quickly and smiled, biting your bottom lip.

“Would you like this to be the first time I break a bone?” you asked, jokingly but also seriously. 

“Here, I’ll catch you,” he said, taking a step closer and extending his arms out.

You stood up slowly, closed your eyes, and breathed out hard. You bent your legs, swung your arms back a little, and pushed your feet off the rock, jumping down to Jake below you.

Your body crashed into his. You felt his arms grab you tight around your back. His legs stumbled with the force of you crashing into him. He fell backwards onto the ground with you on top of him. Both of you laughed as you hit the ground.

“I thought you said you would catch me!” You teased him.

“I did, didn’t I?” He laughed as his shoulders moved up and down and his whole body shook from laughing. His eyes squinted into two little crescent moons. 

You sat up, straddled his waist, and leaned down to kiss him gently. 

He broke away from you and smiled, placing his head back down on the ground.

“You know, we’re sitting in the exact spot I threw up in,” he giggled. 

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed as you crawled off him and extended your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Together you walked back to civilization with him leading the way.

Jake didn’t know it then, but there was also another last that day. It was the last time he would ever go back to that spot. 

April 23, 2014:

It was Jake’s 18th birthday. You were getting ready to go to the Kiszka’s house to celebrate Jake and Josh’s big day when the doorbell rang. You went downstairs and opened the door to see Jake standing there with a huge smile on his face. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, in shock, practically forgetting it was his birthday.

His eyes squinted as he flashed a little white card in between his fingers. 

“Is that what I think it is?” You asked suspiciously.

“Fuck yeah! I’m legal, baby!” He said, picking you up and spinning you around. 

He planted a deep kiss on your lips while lifting you up. 

“Happy birthday, Baby,” you giggled as he held you in the air, holding you under your butt.

He scrunched up his nose as you sprinkled his face with a bunch of tiny kisses.

He put you down and put his freshly earned license in his wallet.

“Come on, go pack a bag. We’re going on a trip.”

“What?” You asked. 

“You heard me, we’re going on a trip,” he repeated.

“Where?”

“So many questions!” he joked. “Get upstairs, go!” 

He smacked your ass lightly before turning you around by the shoulders and gently pushing you back into your house. 

He followed you up the stairs, down the hallway, and towards your room. Before you entered, you turned to him.

“Wait here for a second,” you said, sliding into the room and closing the door behind you.

“Are you hiding my present?” he asked from the other side of the door. He sounded like a little kid on Christmas waiting for Santa.

“Maybe,” you flirted.

You slid his present into your backpack carefully and slid the NYU acceptance paperwork into your desk drawer. You hadn’t brought it up to him yet. You planned to tell him after his birthday, when the time was right.

You opened the door back up to see Jake leaning against the hallway wall, arms folded, eyes closed, and a small smile spread across his face. You smiled at him and shook your head. 

“Get in here,” you said as you grabbed his wrist, and pulled him out of his trance and into your room. 

Jake still wouldn’t tell you where you were going or how long you were going for. You held stuff up to him and he would either say “yes” or “no” depending on if he thought you would need it or not. As he gave you his approval of things, you put them in your backpack. 

You held up a black bra and a matching thong, raising your eyebrows at him. You placed them on your bed in front of him. You watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. 

You spoke slowly and ran your fingers over the lace details of the pieces, “Do you think I-”

“Yeah you need those. You definitely need those,” he said as he nodded his head quickly with his eyes wide.

You giggled, put the set in your backpack, and looked back at him. He was looking down and you caught a glimpse of that little nervous smile on his face. 

After a few more approvals and disapprovals of things, he said, “Okay that’s good. Let’s go.”

It looked to be enough stuff for just a day or two. You went to the bathroom to get your toothbrush and some other toiletries. Jake leaned against the doorframe, impatiently tapping his fingers on the wall as you carefully put the items into the front pocket of your backpack. 

When you were done, you went downstairs to explain to your mom what was going on and somehow, she already knew, giving Jake a wink from across the room. 

“Did you…” you began.

“Why do you think I told you to get your laundry done yesterday?” she asked, smirking.

You said goodbye to her and Jake led you back to the Jeep in your driveway. He opened the passenger side door for you to get in and took your backpack and placed it in the backseat. You turned back to look at him as he moved things around back there, giving you a peek at a large case of beer that was covered with a blanket and smiling mischievously at you. 

“Since when can 18 year olds buy beer?” you asked, jokingly.

“I’m 22 according to the state of Georgia,” he said as he closed the back door and opened the front. 

He got in the driver’s seat, put the car in gear, and slowly backed out of the driveway.

After a few minutes, you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign which indicated you were leaving town. Now that he had his license, he could go anywhere he wanted. 

Today was his 18th birthday. He could be doing anything right now. He could be spending the day with his family- and his twin brother. But here he was, spending it with you.

Part of you felt like you didn’t deserve him. You tried not to think about the secret you were holding from him. Especially when just last month you made him promise he wouldn’t keep any secrets from you. But you put those thoughts in the back of your mind for the time being.

Jake drove on the highway for a while, holding your leg with his right hand the entire time like he always did and tapping his fingers on it to the music on the radio. 

“Do you want me to tell you where we’re going now?” he asked as he gave your leg a squeeze.

“Ugh finally! Yes, please,” you practically begged. 

You turned your body to face him, and his eyes never left the road as he spoke. 

“So, my family has this cabin up by Lake Huron. We go every summer for a few weeks. I’ve been wanting to take you there for ages but my mom said I had to have my license first. So now that I do, I can finally take you,” he said happily.

“You could be doing anything in the world today and you’re spending the day with me?” You asked, sounding a little guilty. “What about Josh? And your parents?”

“Baby, I have spent every second of the last eighteen years with Josh. I can’t remember a single day I spent without him. I need a break from him. Besides, my parents knew I would be leaving today so we did something last night,” he assured you.

Jake opened all the windows to the car and the fresh air blasted through, blowing wind through your hair. You felt a sudden burst of freedom you had never felt before. You and Jake were both officially adults. It felt weird. But it felt good. 

He extended his left arm out the window and let out the happiest “Ahhh” you had ever heard. There was pure joy behind it. Like he felt completely at ease and at peace for the first time in a long time.

After an hour or so, Jake steered off the highway and through winding back roads with cute little cabins and cottages staggered throughout the wooded area. He turned into a gravel driveway and looked over at you as he put the car in park. 

“This is it!” he said excitedly. 

It was a typical Michigan lake cabin. A two story house with wood siding, a front porch, and slightly overgrown trees and bushes covering the yard and blocking most of the windows. 

He jumped out of his side of the car and ran over to you, opening the passenger door and extending his hand to you. You hopped out onto the gravel driveway and he led you up the stairs and towards the front door. 

He jiggled the key in the lock and when he opened it, he bent down to pick you up. He grabbed the back of your legs and placed his other arm around your back. You held your hands around his neck and he kicked the door open, walking with you in his arms through the doorway, giggling. 

The walls were covered with wood paneling, framed paintings of nature scenes, and a staircase leading up to a balcony which looked down on the living room and kitchen. It was exactly what you pictured. 

Jake carried you upstairs into the master bedroom. He threw you down on the bed and you laid back, resting on your elbows. He looked down at you with love in his eyes and bit his bottom lip.

“C’mere,” you whispered.

Slowly, he came closer to you. Lowering himself on top of you and placing soft kisses all over your face. You connected your lips with his and kissed him hard. He teased his tongue against your bottom lip and you let him in. You repeated the action to him. He pulled away from your lips and attached his to your neck. His lips were wet, and warm on the sensitive skin of your neck. His movements gave your whole body goosebumps. The combination of him sucking, biting, and smoothing his tongue over the slightly bruised spots sent you into another world. 

“Mmm, Jake,” you moaned.

“Yeah, you like that?” he asked, as his voice vibrated against your neck, making you giggle. 

He continued at you like that for a few minutes. Both of you started teasing each other, tugging at clothes, and wandering hands up and down each other’s bodies, wanting more and seeing how far the other person would take things.

Finally, you moved your neck and pushed his face away. He looked down at you with those soft, tired eyes again.

“You okay?” he breathed out, looking deep into your eyes with concern.

“Yeah, just let me look at you for a second,” you whispered, cupping his face in your hand and rubbing his cheek with your thumb.

You wanted to get a good look at him. Something inside you told you to remember this moment. Your eyes scanned his face. He was different since the first time you kissed him. His face had less baby fat on it, making his jaw sharper. The acne that was once on his forehead had faded away. His hair was longer and straighter. His cheeks and chin were rougher with more facial hair poking through. He had little brown dots just above his lip from where he had recently shaved. 

For the first time, you saw him as a man.

“You’re beautiful,” you said, almost in a whisper.

Jake smiled.

“I love you,” you said.

“I love you,” he replied as he placed the most delicate kiss on your lips. 

“But,” he said, “we can't do this here. I’m pretty sure Sam was conceived in this bed.”

He had a look of disgust on his face and he looked down before continuing, “Actually, Josh and I probably were too now that I think about it.”

“Ew,” you laughed as you started to sit up.

Jake sat up and shook his hair out, regaining his composure after those past few heated minutes and his little epiphany. You sat up and grabbed his hands and pulled them into your lap.

“Do you want your present now?” you asked with your eyes glimmering.

“Okay!” he said happily.

You slid off the bed, bent over with your back facing him, and dug into your backpack.

“Close your eyes,” you said flirtatiously. 

“But I like this view,” he teased.

You turned your head around and gave him a “really?” kind of look. 

Jake reluctantly closed his eyes and you turned around with the wrapped gift. You placed it in his lap and allowed him to open his eyes. 

“Oooh,” he said, looking at the gift and looking at you. Judging by the shape, it was obvious that it was a vinyl record. 

He ripped off the paper and his eyes widened. 

“No way! Where the hell did you find this? I’ve been looking for this everywhere!” 

“I got a little help from a certain little brother of yours,” you laughed. 

He laughed, shook his head, and looked down at it like it was made of gold.

“Stephen Stills, the first one,” he breathed out, shocked.

“Do you like it?”

“Do I like it? Baby, one of the best songs of all time is on this album.” 

All you could do was stare at him and smile. He had a glow in his eyes. You recognized that glow anywhere because it was the same look in his eyes that he had every time he looked at you. 

“I love it, thank you,” he said, looking up at you and pushing his lips out for you to kiss him. 

You spent the afternoon and early part of the evening exploring outside with him. He took you places he explored with his siblings as a kid. And of course, he showed you yet another place where he cracked his head open. 

You sat on a hilltop and watched the sunset in his arms. He held you tight and hummed songs in your ear as the two of you watched the sky change from blue, to orange, to black. 

You felt completely safe in his arms. No matter where you were, when you were with him, you were home. 

You walked back to the cabin in the moonlight. When you got back, Jake ordered a pizza while you showered; and then he showered himself. While he was upstairs, you found an unopened bottle of wine and glasses in a cabinet. You took out two and poured some of the dark burgundy liquid in each. 

He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. His hair was damp and he was wearing plaid pajama pants and a forest green t-shirt. The shoulders of the shirt were sprinkled with little drops of water that fell from his hair.

“Ooh, what’s this for?” He asked as he spotted the glasses on the kitchen counter.

“You, birthday boy,” you said, approaching him and pulling him in for a kiss. 

He held your waist and leaned back, looking at you up and down. 

All you had on was a big white t-shirt with a little black “Greta Van Fleet” logo in the top corner. The shirt was just see through enough for him to know what you were wearing underneath- the black lace set you held up for him in your room earlier. 

“Mmm, happy birthday to me,” he said as he licked his lips. 

He reached for the glasses, handing you one. You clinked them together and each took a sip.

He gasped quietly and whispered, “The record!” 

He pulled away, ran up the stairs, and came back down with it in his hands. He was skipping around a little bit as he walked over to the record player. You could tell he was excited. He took it out of the casing and held the sides with his fingertips delicately. He placed it on the turntable and set the needle on it carefully. 

The beginning of the first song of the album filled the air. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and smiled. He was in heaven.

He moved his head along with the song and walked over to you slowly. He extended his hand and leaned back on one foot.

“Dance with me,” he said. 

You took his hand and he pulled you towards him. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and then spun you around. He pulled you back in and sang in your ear as he rocked you back and forth,

“There’s a rose in the fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey

Love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”

You spun out of his arms and faced him. You grabbed his hands in yours as he continued to sing. He closed his eyes and smiled the biggest smile you’ve ever seen from him. 

He started singing louder and he swayed back and forth, holding onto your hands lightly, spinning you around the kitchen as the song continued.

“Don’t be angry, don’t be sad

Don’t sit crying over good times you’ve had,”

He let go of your hands and pointed at you. 

“There’s a girl right next to you,

And she’s just waiting for something to do.”

You giggled and shook your head at how silly he was being. He looked absolutely adorable. 

Jake spun himself around on his feet and ran back to you to scoop you up again. You held him around his back and put your head on his chest. You rocked back and forth with him again as the song carried on.

He picked you up by the waist and put you on the counter. You wrapped your legs around him. 

“Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with,” 

you both sang out, kissing each other between each line.

As the song ended and as the next one began, Jake pulled you off the countertop and into a deep hug. You rested your head on his shoulder and he rubbed your back. 

“I absolutely love you,” he said, “you’re my forever, you know that?”

You looked at him. His eyes were filled with happiness and love.

“Forever?” You asked.

“Forever,” he repeated. 

He kissed your forehead lovingly and held you there for a few more minutes until the pizza arrived.

The both of you listened to the rest of the record as you ate. He explained which songs were his favorites and why. You could listen to him talk about music all day. He had such deep thoughts about it. You never thought about music this way, until he came along. He showed you that music should make you feel something. It should spark something inside of you in a way nothing else ever could. It should set your soul free and make you feel at home. 

You and Jake drank a lot of beer that night, stayed up late giggling and messing around, and ended up falling asleep in the early morning hours on the couch with the fireplace going. 

You spent all of the next day together out in nature and in the little downtown area you stayed near, and then drove home at night. 

Jake took you home and when he got home, he showed the record to his siblings. 

“I tried getting this like a month ago on Ebay but someone outbid me,” he explained to Sam.

“Hmm, I wonder who that was?” Sam chuckled.

“She didn’t…” he said. 

“She did,” Sam replied, smiling.

Jake fell back on his bed, laughing to himself. He was absolutely, utterly, and completely in love and everyone around him knew it. 

Sam got up off his bed to leave Jake alone in his own world and before he left completely, he turned to Jake and said, “Stephen Stills 2 is better though,” with a huge smirk on his face. 

May 2014:

Senior year was coming to an end. There were just two months left of school and the kids and teachers had all given up. Each afternoon was dedicated to figuring out details for prom and graduation. 

You knew you were going to prom with Jake. He didn’t even have to ask you. It was obvious. 

You got to his house when the school day was over to spend the afternoon together. It was a Friday so your parents allowed you to stay there later. They were also okay with you occasionally sleeping at Jake’s house on weekends if it was too late at night for him to drive you back.

Jake opened the door and the two of you walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, walking down the hallway to his room. You heard the door close and open a minute later and the sound of his footsteps got louder as he approached the kitchen again. 

His hands were behind his back and he was breathing heavily. 

“What are you doing?” You laughed as you opened a jar of cookies.

“I want to ask you something,” he replied nervously.

“You’re scaring me, Jake,” you said. 

He pulled his hands from behind his back, holding a bouquet of a dozen red roses out to you. 

“Y/N,” he began, “Will you go to prom with me?” He asked, biting his lip.

You took the bouquet in your hands and looked at it. Each rose was perfectly blossomed and accompanied by tiny little babies breath flowers and green leaves. You smiled brightly back at him and looked down at the bouquet, admiring it for a moment. You looked back up at him to see that his face was still full of worry.

“Eh, I’m gonna have to think about it,” you joked.

“Shut up!” he laughed.

Holding the roses, you crossed your hands behind his back and pulled him in. 

“Of course I’ll go to prom with you,” you said, connecting your lips with his in a deep kiss. 

He grabbed the back of your neck and continued kissing you, humming into your mouth and going for more of you until you heard a coughing sound from in the doorway. 

It was Josh standing there. He made a gagging noise, walked over to you and Jake, pushed between the two of you, and hopped up on the counter, taking the jar of cookies in his lap. 

You put the bouquet of flowers down on the counter. Josh handed you a cookie and threw one at Jake. 

“So prom?” he asked, “are you guys officially going together, or did she say no?” he joked.

“Judging by what you just walked in on, I think you can assume she said yes,” Jake stated.

Josh nodded approvingly. 

“Are you going with anyone, Josh?” you asked.

“Kind of,” he shrugged, “the drama kids are all going as a group. We rented a lake house for the weekend after if you guys want to come.” 

Jake grabbed another cookie out of the jar and bit a piece off, talking with a piece of the cookie in his mouth. 

“No offense, Joshua, but spending prom weekend with a bunch of drunk theater kids isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Jake laughed. 

You smiled at him and held back your laughter. 

“It’ll be fun but suit yourself!” Josh said as he jumped off the countertop and skipped out the room with his footsteps fading as he went down the hallway.

You heard the boys’ bedroom door shut and Jake grabbed you by the waist, closing the gap between you previously made by Josh. 

“Mmm, get over here,” he said, connecting your lips to his again, softly. You tasted the sweet flavor of chocolate on his lips.

You pulled back. His hands were connected behind your back and yours ran up and down his chest. 

“So what exactly do you have in mind for prom weekend?” you asked, as you moved your hands down to his stomach.

“I don’t know yet,” he said, “But I know I’m gonna be with you. That’s all I need to know right now.” 

“Well, I might have something in mind,” you said quietly, looking down, and playing with the bottom of his t-shirt.

He lifted your chin up to look at him. His eyes squinted a little, like he was trying to read your face for an answer to an unspoken question. You didn’t have to say anything. He knew what you were thinking. 

“Are you trying to tell me you’re-”

“Ready?” you interrupted.

He nodded.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

Jake breathed in sharply and held it in for a second. Even though he knew it was coming, he was still a little stunned. 

He breathed out slowly and let go of your chin. He put both his hands on your face with his thumbs resting on your cheeks, and looked into your eyes. 

“You’re sure?” he whispered.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” you replied.

Jake swallowed hard. His eyes darted all over your face and his mouth opened a little. He didn’t know what to say. He always had a smooth comeback of something to say. But this time, he didn’t. He was speechless. You knew his thoughts were racing.

“Jake, say something,” you practically begged.

Before you knew it, his lips crashed into yours. He kissed you hard and passionately. The kiss was unlike any other you’d ever experienced before. It was rough and needy. It sent shivers down your spine and made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He was going at you hungrily. You started laughing and broke away from him. 

“Jesus, Jake! I didn’t mean right now!” you joked. 

He laughed to himself, realizing he got carried away. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said, still laughing. 

He let you go and leaned against the counter next to you. He popped another cookie into his mouth and chewed, looking at you with a stupid smile on his face as his jaw moved up and down. 

You slapped him lightly across his chest. 

“What?” you asked, giggling.

“Nothing!” he laughed, “I just love you, that’s all.” 

You kissed the tip of his nose, “Mhm, love you too. Now, come on.”

You grabbed the jar of cookies and he followed you out of the kitchen and onto the couch. You sat down and he threw himself down next to you. He grabbed your legs and pulled them onto his lap. He rubbed up and down your thighs before digging his hand into the jar again. 

“You know this is so cliche right? Losing our virginities on prom night?” he joked.

“Keep talking and I’ll make you wait longer,” you warned him playfully. 

He closed his mouth tightly and looked at you through the corners of his eyes, holding back laughter. He put another cookie into his mouth and fought back a smile as he chewed. 

“How many of these are you going to eat?” you laughed.

“You’re right, I should stop. I have to watch my figure,” he teased, “You’re gonna see me naked soon.” 

Prom Night:

You sat at your desk, putting the finishing touches on your makeup. The bouquet of roses Jake gave you was sitting in a vase of water on your desk next to you. They had been slowly dying but you kept them anyway. 

Once you finished, you carefully put on your dress. It was a deep burgundy color that had sequin embellishments on the top half, a sweetheart neckline, and straps that rested just off your shoulders. It hugged your hips and flared out a little at the bottom perfectly. You ran your hands down your body, looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath. Tonight was the night. You were ready. There was no doubt in your mind. 

You mom knocked on the door and poked her head through to tell you Jake had arrived. You gave yourself one last look of approval, and went to meet him.

As you got to the top of the stairs, you looked down and saw him standing there, talking to your parents. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a burgundy tie to match your dress. In his hand, he held a corsage. His hair was long and covered his forehead and the sides of his face. You had never seen him dressed up before. He looked perfect. 

Jake turned his head and looked up the stairs, smiling. The second he saw you, the smile he had faded and his mouth opened. His eyes never left yours as he watched you walk down the stairs. When you got to the bottom, he walked over to you and put his hand on your waist and moved it to rest on your lower back.

“You look,” he paused for a second, “absolutely beautiful.”

You smiled and looked up at him, “Thank you. You look handsome.” 

He gave you a light kiss and pulled away to take the corsage out of the box and put it on your wrist, a burgundy rose with black ribbons and dark green leaves. You pinned a matching boutonniere to his suit jacket. 

You took pictures and your parents hugged you goodbye. They knew you’d be staying with Jake for the night. 

Jake escorted you out to the car and opened the door for you. He helped you get in and leaned in to kiss you deeper, now that your parents weren’t watching. He stopped and put his hands on the seat, both hands rested on either side of your legs. 

“Seriously,” he began, “you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” 

You took a second to take in the word he used. Woman.

His eyes scanned your face and he shook his head as a smile crept on his face. It was almost like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. 

The sunset in the distance highlighted the red undertones in his hair and made his eyes sparkle. His skin had a slight tan from him being outside recently. But other than that, something about him was different. He had a confidence about himself you’d never seen in him before. 

Jake got in the driver’s side and held out his hand for you to hold. You took it and he brought it to his mouth and kissed it. He rubbed the top with his thumb as he drove.

When you got to the venue, you met up with Josh and the rest of your friends. Josh was wearing a similar black suit to Jake’s, but with lavender details to match one of his friends. 

“You look radiant,” Josh said as he hugged you.

“Aw thank you! You look so handsome, Joshua,” you replied sweetly. 

“Save a dance for me,” he said as he winked at you and walked back over to his friends. 

You and Jake had a night straight out of a fairytale. You danced with friends and each other the entire time. And of course, you saved a dance for Josh, who you later found out was pretty tipsy from taking shots in the bathroom. Those theater kids really were wild. 

About halfway through the night, you and Jake went outside to get some air. You looked out at the field behind the venue. The sky was filled with what looked to be millions of stars. The moon was full and bright. 

Jake turned you around to face the sky. He held you from behind and rested his head on your shoulder. You rested your hands on top of his and tilted your head back onto him. 

“Can I just hold you for a second?” he asked. 

You nodded, closed your eyes, and breathed in deep with him. 

Jake was taking in the last few moments of innocence he had left. He knew after tonight, things would be different. Things would never be this pure and sweet again. He was saying goodbye to the last part of his childhood. He was about to cross the threshold into becoming a man. He was nervous. But he was ready. 

He closed his eyes and smiled into your neck, kissing it gently and tickling you with his hair. You pulled away and turned around, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. He held your waist and led you back inside to finish the night. 

 When the prom had ended, you said bye to Josh and your friends. Josh kissed you on the cheek and wished you a good night. Jake and Josh hugged tight and did that twin thing they do where they spoke without really saying any words.

You and Jake walked back to his car hand in hand. He stopped you before you got in, placing his hands on your waist and giving you the softest kiss on the lips.

“I had the most amazing time with you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah, me too,” he smiled, biting his lip, “you ready to go home?” he asked.

“Mhm,” you said quietly, nodding your head.

The drive back to Jake’s house was quiet. You both knew why. He was breathing deep in the driver’s seat, his hands were shaking as he held the steering wheel. There was a reason he wasn’t holding your hands or your leg like he normally would. He was nervous and one thing Jake didn’t do well was hide nerves. He got quiet, jittery, and zoned out a little. 

Jake pulled into the empty driveway of the dark house. Only the front door light was on. Sam was at Danny’s house and his parents took Ronnie to visit his grandparents for the weekend. They knew Josh would be away and figured you and Jake would want to be alone anyway.

When you entered the house, it felt like the time he snuck you in, in November. Back then, you were a little nervous. But this time, your heart was pounding and adrenaline was running through your veins like never before. What started as an innocent kiss in his garage had turned into something much bigger than the two of you.

Jake closed the front door behind you and pushed you against it softly as he kissed you. You grabbed the back of his neck and deepened the kiss. You pushed him back a little and saw his eyes still closed, lips wet, and a hint of a smile forming. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly, like he was in a dream.

“Come on,” he whispered.

He grabbed both your hands and pulled you off the door and down the hallway towards his room. You both walked in and he closed the door. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it back out through his mouth.

The moonlight was coming through the window, shining on his bed. 

You stood in the middle of the room and took off your jewelry, placing it carefully on Josh’s bed. The only piece you kept on was the necklace Jake gave you for Christmas. 

Jake walked over to you, took his tie off, and tossed it next to your jewelry. He unbuttoned the top few buttons of the white shirt he had on and pulled you close to him, resting his hands on your waist. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, looking deep into your eyes.

“I want to give you something no one else can have,” you whispered. 

A small smile appeared on his face and then his expression changed back to being serious as he spoke.

“You tell me if you want me to stop, or if I’m hurting you, okay?” 

“Okay,” you assured him.

“You trust me?” 

“I trust you,” you confirmed.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you too, Jake.” 

Jake took his time with you. He was gentle, sweet, and loving. He was everything you could have asked him to be. You knew he was nervous, but he wanted this to be perfect for you. And it was. It was absolutely perfect. He put all of his anxiety behind him to make sure you were comfortable. He had wanted this for longer than you had and he still made it all about you. 

You laid there next to him with your head on his chest and your legs tangled in his. His breathing slowed down and his heartbeat went back to normal. He rubbed your back and swirled his fingers along your spine. You looked up at him. The moonlight was shining on his face, highlighting his cheekbones and casting shadows over his eyes. The sweat on his face glistened in the faint white light coming through the window.

You sat up a little and reached your hand out to wipe his hair out of his face. The sweat on his forehead caused his hair to curl up just a bit. His eyes were calm and soft. The faintest smile spread across his face as he looked down at you. He was absolutely glowing.

“Thank you,” you whispered, rubbing your thumb over his cheek bone.

He lifted your chin with his knuckle and kissed your forehead. 

“I love you more than ever,” he said quietly. 

You didn’t reply but he didn’t need you to. He knew you loved him more than ever too.  

You thought you loved him that day in the snow. You thought you loved him when he took you to the cliffside and you watched the stars. You thought you loved him when he danced around the kitchen to his favorite song. But at that moment, after giving him the last of yourself, you loved him more than you would ever love him or anyone else.

“Go to sleep, Baby,” he whispered, putting your head back down on his chest and rubbing your back again. 

You fell asleep that night to the sound of his heartbeat and the rising and falling of his chest underneath you. 

You woke up the next morning with Jake’s leg on top of yours,his face nuzzled into your neck, and his arm wrapped around your stomach. The hairs on his legs tickled yours and the sounds of his light snoring made you giggle. You cuddled yourself against him and closed your eyes for a few more moments, taking it all in. You smelled Jake’s cologne on the pillow, which made your heart flutter with memories. 

You pulled yourself out of his grasp a bit to sit up on your elbow and look around. The events of last night replayed in your mind after looking at the pile of accessories on Josh’s bed, your dress on the floor, pieces of Jake’s suit thrown around the room, and a little silver wrapper on the nightstand. You turned your head back to look at him and smiled.

The whole “afterglow” thing was real and you could see it on Jake. The morning sun was shining on him through the window. The olive tones of his tan were coming through, and just a hint of pink appeared on his cheeks. His mouth was open slightly and his lips were a little swollen. He looked so peaceful. You brushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. 

He raised his eyebrows, took a deep breath in, and blinked a few times. Smiling and letting out a sigh when he realized you were next to him. 

“Mmm, good morning,” he said in a deep, morning voice.

“Morning,” you replied sweetly.

He let out a hum and pulled you closer to him, tightening his hold. He kissed the side of your face and down your neck a little, softly.

“Sleep well last night?” he spoke into your neck.

“Mhmm,” you replied.

You and Jake laid there in a daze for what felt like just minutes even though it was closer to an hour. You could tell from his breathing that he fell back asleep briefly. When he woke back up, he sat up and scooted to the foot of his bed, pulling on a pair of underwear and kneeling at his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a shirt and a pair of boxers and handed them to you. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, kissing your forehead, sneaking out of the room, and closing the door behind him. 

You put on his clothes, laid back down in his bed, and breathed in his scent on the pillow. He knocked softly on the door and opened it. He walked over to you with two cups of coffee. You sat up and he handed you one. 

“I put extra sugar in yours,” he said.

“Thank you, Baby,” you replied, smiling at him. 

He sat down at the edge of the bed and took a sip.

“So,” he began, “did you have fun last night?” He asked suggestively, giving you a playful smirk.

You giggled, “Shut up.”

He let out a laugh through his nose and looked at you softly. His expression turned more serious before he spoke again, “You okay?” he asked quietly.

“I have never been better,” you assured him. 

“Good,” he whispered back, kissing your cheek. 

You scooted over, he crawled into the bed next to you, and both of you leaned against the headboard and continued to drink the coffee as you talked for a little. 

“Could you tell?” he asked.

“Tell what?”

“Tell how fucking nervous I was?” He laughed.

“From your hands shaking the entire time? No, I couldn’t tell,” you answered sarcastically and laughed.

You leaned your head against his shoulder. 

“You were perfect,” you assured him.

He let out a sigh of relief and turned his face to kiss the top of your head.

“You wanna shower? You can go first,” he said with his chin rested on the top of your head. You snuck your head out from under him and turned to face him.

“What if you come with me?” you suggested.

He raised his eyebrows at you. “With you as in…”

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” you giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you into the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster. 

You spent the day with Jake at his house. Mostly eating, cuddling on the couch, and doing other things that you were both a little more comfortable doing after last night. 

Sam got home in the late afternoon, walking through the door with a huge backpack on his shoulder. His skinny frame struggled to keep it up.

“Hey,” he said as he kicked his shoes off and slid the backpack onto the floor. “How was prom?”

“Good,” you and Jake replied simultaneously.

“Good? That’s it?” he asked.

“That’s it,” Jake answered.

“Hmm,” Sam said, almost suspiciously. He pointed at the two of you. “You guys look different,” he said bluntly.

“That doesn’t make any sense, Sammy,” Jake said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, Sam, you were gone for one night. How different could we possibly be?” you added.

Sam’s eyes squinted at the both of you. As someone who was very intelligent, he didn’t like when he didn’t understand what was going on. And as the youngest child, he felt like that often. He knew something was up but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He rolled his eyes and turned to walk down the hall. His footsteps faded away and he got closer to the boys’ room.

As the door of the room closed, you heard “What the fuck?” from Sam in the room. You and Jake both looked at each other, wide eyed, when it hit you that you didn’t clean up the room from last night. 

When you heard Sam start the shower, you and Jake went back into the room and got rid of the evidence of last night’s events. You both decided it was a good time for you to go home, while Sam was out of the way. 

When you got home, you told your mom all about prom and how much fun you had, leaving out the explicit details of course. She saw how happy Jake made you.

You went to your room to put your things away and you looked at the flowers in the vase. All of them- completely dead. You pulled one out to save and took the rest downstairs to throw away.

“Flowers finally died?” your mom asked.

“Yeah,” you said as you smiled to yourself.

June 2014:

Graduation was in two weeks. Each senior had to turn in a sentence of their after graduation plans for the ceremony’s program booklet. You and Jake laid on his bed with a notebook open, thinking of what to write for him. Josh was on his bed, texting. He had already turned in his sentence. 

Jake stared at the ceiling with a pencil in his mouth. He was stuck. He didn’t exactly have typical post-graduation plans.

“What did you write, Josh?” he asked.

“I wrote that I was going to Michigan State to study filmmaking. It’s not that hard, don’t worry so much about it,” Josh shrugged.

“It’s easy to say that when you actually have a plan,” Jake said, rolling his eyes, “I can’t write that I’m not going to college so I can try my luck at being a rockstar.” 

He turned his head to look at you.

“Did you do yours yet?” he asked. 

You bit your lip, “Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Why?” he asked, looking back to the ceiling. 

You took a deep breath, looked over at him, and then looked over at Josh. 

“Josh,” you started, “Can you give us a second?” 

“Yeah sure. But if you guys start boning, I will tell the entire world about that one time when we were thirteen and Jake-”

“Okay, that’s enough,”  Jake interrupted, laughing.

Josh walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

“I’m serious, Jake!” he called as you heard his voice trailing down the hallway, away from the door.

Jake sat up and smiled, “What do you want to talk about?”

You closed your eyes for a second and swallowed. 

“Please don’t say you’re pregnant,” Jake warned.

You sat up and laughed a little, “No,” you began, “It’s about this whole college thing.”

“Okay what is it?” he asked casually.

You grabbed his hands and put them in your lap. You didn’t know how to even begin to explain this to him.

“So, you know I got into Michigan, right?”

“Mhm,” he nodded.

“Well, I also got into NYU,” you added, swallowing hard.

“NYU? As in New York?” he asked. He had the most confused look on his face. 

You nodded silently.

“I mean, that’s great and all but you’re not actually gonna go,” he laughed. “You’re gonna stay here, right?” he said casually.

You bit your lip and looked down at his hands in your lap. He could tell that something was wrong because you weren’t looking him in the eyes. When you looked up, Jake’s face was full of worry. The gears were turning in his head as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. He knew where this conversation was going.

“Right?” he repeated, a little louder, with concern. 

“Jake,” you started.

“You’re going aren’t you?” His voice was full of sadness, with a bit of anger mixed in.

“Jake, please don’t be mad.” 

He got up off the bed, stood up, and looked down at you. 

“Don’t you have to commit to these things, like, months in advance? You knew about this for a while now, didn’t you? When did you find out about this? When did you decide that you were going?” 

As he rattled off questions, his tone got sharper. 

“March,” you sighed. You watched his face drop, “The night of your show,” you said quietly. 

“March?” He looked to the ceiling in disbelief.  “The night of the show where you told me not to keep secrets from you?”

You got off the bed, walked over to him, and grabbed his hands. He pulled them away from you and crossed his arms. His eyes weren’t soft and tired anymore. They were filled with anger and betrayal. His world was just flipped upside down by the one person he trusted the most. 

“Jake, I know you’re mad and I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier but there just wasn’t a good time. And your reaction right now is exactly why I waited so long to tell you,” you explained, “ I didn’t want to hurt you.”

There was a moment of silence and Jake looked to the ground before he spoke.

“You could’ve at least told me before I fucked you,” he said bluntly.

“Fucked me? Fucked me?!” You screamed as both your hands pushed into his chest and he stumbled backwards into his nightstand. The force of his back hitting it caused the entire piece of furniture to shake and things fell off the top of it and onto the floor.

His arms uncrossed and as he yelled he waved them around. “Yeah, that’s why you wanted me to do it, right? So you could get it over with before going to New York to get fucked by random guys like some cheap college slut? While I’m here, in fucking Michigan playing a bar gig once a week for two hundred fucking dollars?!”

Your jaw dropped and you breathed out hard. You could have sworn the world stopped moving for a split second. His words hurt you like nothing ever had before. It was as if he stabbed you in the chest and twisted the knife. Tears filled your eyes instantly and you looked at him with blurry vision.

“I can’t believe you just said that to me,” you whispered.

You saw the look of instant regret on his face. It was as if he couldn’t believe he just said that either. 

“Baby, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t mean that.”

He walked over to you and grabbed your hands but you stepped back from him, ripping away from his touch harshly. 

“No, you did,” you choked out, “you absolutely meant that.”

All he could do was shake his head and hope you would forgive him. He sat down, put his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands. He was thinking. Hard. 

He looked up at you, his eyes begged you to say something. But you couldn’t. You were frozen standing there, there was a pain in your chest that still stung from his words.

He stood up and walked over to you. He wiped your tears and kissed your cheeks. You winced as he did it. You were disgusted by him right now and he knew it. You didn’t think he would ever hurt you the way he just did. 

He backed away from you once he realized he needed to give you space and explain himself.

“You just sprung this whole thing on me and I don’t know how to react to it. And then you tell me not to be mad? I’m losing everything I know. How am I not supposed to be mad?” he explained.

“How are you losing everything?” you asked, throwing your hands up in the air and letting them drop to your sides. 

He paused for a minute before speaking. It was just a second or two but it felt like forever.

“There’s two things in life I’m sure of. Music… and you. But now suddenly, life is telling me I can’t have either. And without those two things, I’m nothing.” 

His voice got shaky as tears formed in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling and tried not to let them fall. 

“What makes you think you can’t have both?” you asked.

“I’m losing Josh, which means I’m losing the band,” he began.

“He’s going an hour away, it’s not the end of the world, Jake!” you cut him off as you tried to explain.

“This band is all I have!” he snapped.

“Okay and what? You don’t have me?” you shouted back.

“No, I don’t have you! Did you not just tell me you were going to go to New York?!”

“Baby, we could do long distance. We could make it work,” you suggested, trying to rationalize a plan.

“How could that ever work? For four years? At least? You realize what’s gonna happen right? You’re gonna get busy with classes and homework. You’re gonna make all new friends and have an entire new life. A life that doesn’t… doesn’t include me.” 

“Jake, you know that would nev-”

“No,” said softly and shook his head, “You know it’s true. We both do. I’m gonna lose you. You’ll forget me- and I can’t handle that. Might as well end it now. Save us both some time.”

He was looking down. He couldn’t even look you in the eyes.

Your jaw dropped in disbelief. You couldn’t believe he just said that. After everything the two of you had been through, he was just going to throw it all away like this? You knew he would be upset at the news you gave him but you never expected this reaction from him. 

“You really want that?” you whispered, praying he would change his mind. 

He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I, I…” he stuttered. He couldn’t say it but you knew exactly what he was thinking. 

“You want me to leave? You want to end it now? Save you some time? Fine. I’m gone. We’re done,” you said sharply.

“That’s what I said! Go! You’re gonna do it anyway,” Jake said louder, motioning his hand to the door.

“You really want me to go?” you said. It was a question but at the same time, it wasn’t. You were confirming what he wanted.

“Yes, go! Go have fun getting bent over behind a bar by some rich New York guy. They love innocent little Midwestern girls over there,” he said, with rage in his voice.

Your eyes filled up with tears again as his words stabbed you in the heart once again. 

“Fuck you,” you said, looking at him through tear filled eyes.

“Yeah, fuck you, too, Baby. Have a nice life,” he said, lifting his chin and blowing you a kiss.

You shook your head at him in disbelief and walked to the door. You grabbed the door handle and flung it open to see Sam and Josh standing there, listening to everything. 

“Take me home, Josh,” you demanded.

He nodded quickly, looking at you with sympathy in his eyes.

Sam awkwardly walked away, not sure what he should do. 

Josh went into the room to get his keys and you heard him speak to Jake. 

“That was so fucked up,” he said. 

He met you in the hallway and left Jake in the room by himself.

As you walked down the hallway and towards the front door with Josh, you heard the boys’ bedroom door slam.  

Josh drove you home and sat in your driveway with you for hours while you told him everything. Everything.

He listened to what you had to say closely. He held you as you cried on his shoulder. He rubbed your back and petted your head, comforting you. His embrace was what you needed from Jake right now. But you needed someone, and other than Jake, he was a person you could trust.

Josh walked you inside and tucked you into bed. He made sure you were okay to leave alone before he left. He told your parents what happened so that you didn’t have to. 

You laid there, absolutely sick. You had a lump in your throat and your stomach was in knots. Your eyes and lips were swollen from all the crying you’d done in the past few hours. You didn’t even know your body could produce that many tears. Your heart was completely ripped out of your chest. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night. It was the first of many nights like that.

When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement with his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair. 

Every part of his bedroom reminded him of you and he couldn’t be in there. The smell of you that he loved, lingered on his sheets and made him physically sick to the point of him vomiting. 

Josh didn’t want to get in the middle of things but he knew Jake needed him just as much as you did. 

Josh let Jake get it all out and calmed him down considerably. But Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night. 

Jake skipped English class that entire week so you didn’t see him at school at all. You knew he was there because you saw his Jeep in the parking lot. He was avoiding you. You were glad he was though because you couldn’t handle seeing him. 

On Saturday morning, your heart stopped when you saw his name light up on your phone screen.

10:38 am: Can I see you? I can come to your house.

You sat there for a while thinking if you should reply or not. You wanted to see him. You needed to see him. You wanted him to hold you and tell you things were going to be okay and that he was willing to try. You wanted to feel his arms around you and his rough hands holding your face. You wanted to push his shaggy hair out of his eyes and see his smile shining bright. You had just the tiniest bit of hope that that would happen.

You took a deep breath and answered.

10:50 am: Okay

The doorbell rang shortly after and when you opened the door, you saw him standing there looking horrific. He had bags under his eyes and the color in his face had faded. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were hollowed out. You could tell he wasn’t sleeping or eating. You started to cry just looking at him. 

“Can we talk? Please?” he asked, practically begging.

You nodded and sat down on your front steps with him. 

He grabbed your hands and you felt his touch for the first time in a week.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” he began. 

“You should be,” you said quietly.

“I know. I just…I wanted you to be as mad as I was. I wanted you to feel guilty.”

You rolled your eyes, “Well then you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

Tears formed in his eyes as he saw how hurt you were. He started breathing heavily and swallowed, fighting back the tears. He put his head down and closed his eyes.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he said as a single tear from his eye fell onto your hand. 

“Jake,” you began, “Remember what we said? About seeing the world? What if this is my chance?” 

“I thought you said we would see the world together?” he said, looking up at you.

“Jake, please,” you begged him. 

Things changed. You always thought you would stay in Michigan with Jake and support him and his music. Maybe one day he would become successful and you’d be able to see the world with him. But with you and Josh leaving, and Jake’s dreams becoming more and more unattainable, it seemed like the only one who would be seeing the world was you. 

You wanted to go. Jake knew you wanted to go. But the thought of leaving him behind broke your heart, and the thought of you moving on with your life broke his. He knew once you left, he would lose you little by little. And you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.

“You really want to go, don’t you?”

You nodded.

“Then, I have to let you go,” he said, “I love you, but I have to let you go,” he repeated. 

He kissed your lips softly, one last time. You kissed him back and held onto the moment for as long as you could. 

The tears on both your faces mixed together, causing both your cheeks to be wet. He pulled back and held your face in his hand, wiping the tears with his thumb. You shook your head, crying. His eyes that were once full of happiness and love, were full of pain and sadness.

“You’re gonna go see the world,” he whispered, “You’re gonna love it.”

With that, he kissed you on the cheek and got up. He walked over to the car, got in, and drove away. 

He left you there on the steps, absolutely crushed. 

You ran upstairs sobbing. You threw yourself into bed and clutched his hoodie close to feel some sort of comfort from him. You buried your face into it, smelling him on it and letting it absorb your tears.

Jake, the one person who you felt the most safe with, just completely shattered your heart into a million pieces and there was nothing you could do to fix it. There was no changing his mind. You stayed in your room for a while, just crying and thinking about him and what just happened.

A few hours later, you heard your doorbell ring. You went downstairs and opened the door to see his Jeep turning the corner. You looked down to see a cardboard box on your front step. When you looked inside, you felt a deep pain in your chest. Your hands shook as you picked through the items inside. A bunch of pictures of the two of you, your corsage from prom, and some of your clothes, including the big, white, Greta Van Fleet shirt. It wasn’t even your shirt. It was his, but he knew it was your favorite. Finally at the bottom- the Stephen Stills album you gave him for his birthday. You expected him to give you your stuff back. But you never expected to see that album sitting in the box. You picked up the album and a piece of paper, about the size of an index card, fell out. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You opened them back up and read…

Go see the world. -Jake

The next day, you dropped off a box of Jake’s stuff and left it with Sam. Inside you put the necklace he gave you for Christmas, the document of the star named after you, his clothes, and the single dead rose you kept from his prom flowers. Sam took it from you and gave you a weak smile. 

“You know,” he began, “he really did love you. He still does. He just, he just doesn’t know how to deal with all this. I know you didn’t mean to hurt him. And he didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe he’ll come around, ya know? Maybe he just needs some time?”

You nodded and gave Sam a hug. It was the first and only time you ever hugged Sam. He was small, and cute, and yes he was annoying. But, you grew to absolutely adore him. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Sammy,” you whispered.

He rubbed your back as he hugged you, “I’m gonna miss you too. I hope I get to see you again, one day.”

You smiled, nodded, and pulled away from him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“My first kiss!” he gasped, lightly holding his cheek over where you kissed him. 

You laughed and said your final goodbye to him. You looked back at the house one last time to see Sam in the doorway, holding the box and waving at you.

Graduation day came and you watched Jake and Josh walk across the stage, one after the other. You saw Jake smile for the first time in what looked like a long time. He seemed genuinely happy. Seeing him smile like that made your heart break. That was the same smile he used to give you. Now all you could do was watch him from afar.

As he walked off stage with his diploma in hand, he looked over at you. He always knew when you were looking at him. Your eyes caught his for a moment and he gave you a small smile. You smiled softly back at him and looked away, heartbroken. That was the last time you ever saw Jake Kiszka. 

After graduation, you went home and looked into the program, curious to see what Jake eventually came up with for his plans. Tears came flooding back as you read…

“Joshua M. Kiszka: Michigan State University- Film Studies”

Jake’s name was supposed to be above Josh’s, but it was skipped in the program. Jake never submitted anything. A tear fell from your eyes and hit the second K in Kiszka, splattering the ink on the paper. You put the program in the box of your stuff from Jake and shoved it under your bed, where it would stay, untouched, for years. 

That summer, you kept in touch with Josh a bit. He would often ask you how you were doing, if you needed anything, and if you wanted to hang out. Even though you wanted to, you never went to see him because you knew it would hurt too much. 

He mentioned Jake was doing better and putting his pain into music as a distraction. It may not have been the best coping method, but it helped. Music was always Jake’s escape and it was the only thing he had at the time.

Your contact with Josh faded as the summer went on and as the band took off. A management company was looking to work with them, which led to record deal offers and album writing. They started playing shows all around Michigan and in the upper Midwest. 

Josh ended up not going to Michigan State as previously planned. He was going to put his dream of film making on hold to help Jake achieve his dream. 

While Jake went after his dream, you did too. You started college in New York and buried the pain of Jake as you got busier with school, internships, jobs, and life in the city. 

But through the years, you still felt him. Every time it snowed, you pictured him on top of you in the snow, wearing that beanie he loved. Every time the wind blew through your hair, your mind took you back to being on the highway with him with the windows down. The smell of pine trees made you think of his house on Christmas. Every time you ate a chocolate chip cookie, you remembered the taste of them on his lips. 

You went back to Frankenmuth on breaks and for holidays but every time you did, Jake was gone. Any time you drove past the Kiszka’s house, all the lights were out and mail was piled up by the door, indicating that they haven’t been home for a while. Every now and again, people around town mentioned they were doing well. You never looked into it though. You knew it would hurt too much. 

One day, you saw an advertisement that Greta Van Fleet would be the musical guest on SNL. A little voice in the back of your head told you to look them up and see what they were doing. SNL was huge and it was almost unfathomable that they actually made it. You knew they were doing well but you didn’t know they were doing that well. 

You listened to that little voice and searched. You felt instant regret but you couldn’t stop yourself. As you looked at pictures of them, there was no holding back your tears.

Danny and Sam got tall and grew their hair out. Sam’s braces were gone and his sweet, baby face chiseled out, with little specks of facial hair poking out of his chin. He definitely grew into his nose, too. 

Josh’s hair got curlier, and his clothes got even crazier, in the best way. It was so Josh and you loved it. He still had those wild eyes that were full of ideas and his warm smile that lit up rooms. 

You breathed heavily and your heart sank when you looked at Jake’s photo. His hair was long, past his shoulders, like he always wanted. It had a bit of a wave to it and it didn’t cover his forehead anymore. His clothes were cooler. He traded his sneakers and t-shirts for boots and shirts unbuttoned to his stomach. His body was more filled out. His muscles were more defined. You were looking at pictures of a grown man. He looked good. 

Out of curiosity, you watched a video of them. Jake’s voice was deeper. He still had that adorable smile and those deep eyes that sparked. You cried harder as the video played on. They were in a record store, talking about their favorites. Sam of course, was looking for something wacky and Josh was all over the film soundtracks. Your heart stopped when you saw Jake’s choice. The Stephen Stills album. He said he wanted it because of a certain song. Love the One You’re With. 

You closed your eyes and images of him flashed through your mind. You saw him in the kitchen of the cabin on his birthday; spinning around on his feet and singing the song out to you. You felt his hands around your waist and his lips on your cheek. He was so happy that day. That was the day he said you were his forever. 

You couldn’t take it anymore. You turned the video off and cried just as much as you did the night you had that argument with him, almost five years ago. 

For years, you had pushed the memories of him away. They were too painful to even think about. But now, they came flooding back with full force- knocking the wind out of your lungs and stabbing at your heart. 

Did he ever think of you the way you thought of him? He was your everything once, and you were his. Now he was nothing but a memory to you and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were nothing to him too. 

Jake was out there living his dream. Performing for huge crowds, traveling all over, and playing the music he loved. This was what he always wanted and now he was actually doing it. You were proud of him but your heart had a hole where he used to be. He was out there, exploring the world, without you. 

November 2019:

It was the day before Thanksgiving and your graduating class decided to do an unofficial 5 year reunion at a local bar since everyone would be home for the holiday anyway. You flew in from New York that morning and decided to go to the event. You hadn’t seen your highschool friends in a few months and you were excited to see what they were up to. 

You only had one thing that made you nervous about the event but your friends told you that you had nothing to worry about in regard to seeing Jake. The band was on tour in Europe at the moment so there was no way he could be there. 

Catching up with your friends was much needed. It was nice to get a break from work and the city and be back in your little hometown. 

You were at the bar, about to order a drink when you heard everyone inside get louder. You looked toward the sound of the voices and saw two figures. 

Brown curly hair, a striped jacket, tan pants, and little white sneakers.

Long dark hair, skinny jeans, boots, and a half buttoned black shirt. 

Your stomach dropped and your heart raced at the sight of both of them. It was like the world stopped moving. You were paralyzed. The bar was filled with people, but you only saw them. 

Your eyes instantly went to Jake. Him and Josh were talking to a bunch of people. Everyone wanted to hear their stories of fame and success. 

Jake’s eyes were gleaming. His smile was big and shone bright like it always did. 

Just as you were about to look away, he caught you. After all, he always knew when you were looking at him.

Your eyes met and everything around you suddenly stopped. His face dropped at the sight of you. He looked like he just saw a ghost. 

You looked away from him, shook your head, and walked out of sight, out the back door of the bar and onto the empty patio area. 

You stood outside, looking at the sky and breathing slowly to calm yourself. You heard the back door open and you closed your eyes. 

“I knew you’d be out here,” you heard a deep, raspy voice say softly. 

You turned around to see Jake standing there with his hands in his front pockets, looking up at the sky.

You turned your back to him and he walked up and stood next to you. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

“Care if I smoke right now?” he asked.

You shook your head, “No, you can.”

You two stood in silence for a while as the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air. 

“You did it. You became a rockstar,” you finally said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah well, someone once told me I was talented,” he looked over at you, smiling slightly.

You smiled at him and then looked back up to the sky.

“So, you’re seeing the world. What’s it like?” you asked.

He let a small laugh out of his nose and breathed deeply, “Incredible,” he whispered.

You looked at him with a funny feeling inside. You were happy that he was out there living his dream. But sad because he had a whole new life now, a life that didn’t include you.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, faintly smelling the scent of his cologne. It was the same one you used to smell on his sheets in the morning, and smell on his neck when you kissed him. 

“You know,” he began, throwing the remaining bits of his cigarette on the ground, “You’re with me everywhere I go.”

“What do you mean?”

“No matter where I am in the world or what’s going on in life- every time I look up at the sky at night, I think of you.”

He pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“There you are. Right above the four little ones in a row,” he said, “It’s almost like, it’s me, Josh, Sam, and Danny. And then you.”

You looked up and your vision got blurry as tears filled your eyes.

You turned to him and grabbed his hands. They were bigger and rougher than they’d been years ago.

“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” you asked.

He nodded, giving you a closed mouth smile.

You sat out there with Jake for hours. You told him all about college, work, and your life in New York. He told you all about his career, his travels, and what his brothers were up to. He told you about SNL, and that he thought of you the whole time he was in the city, hoping that maybe, just maybe you were watching. You told him you didn’t watch and you saw a small wave of sadness wash over him. 

It was quiet for a moment until you spoke again.

“I never forgot you, y’know?” 

“What do you mean?”

“That night. You said that I’d forget you,” you looked at him and then back to the ground, “I never did.”

He sighed and looked to the ground too. You could tell he was thinking hard. He was replaying that night in his head, just like you were. 

“Do you ever regret it?” you finally asked.

He nodded and sighed, “Everyday for years I wondered what things would be like if I didn’t let you walk out of my room that night. If I went after you. Or if I would have tried. But we’ll never know, will we?”

You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders, knowing there was no hope of it now.

He asked you if you were seeing anyone and you told him about some dates you’d gone on, none of them really working out. He told you he had a girlfriend, Jita. He showed you pictures, she was beautiful. He said he told her all about you.

“I’m really glad I got to see you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah me too,” he replied.

“If you’re ever in New York, let me know,” you said.

He nodded and looked down. He put his hand behind his neck and bit his lip. There it was, that nervous little movement he always did. Even though he was a rockstar now, he was still a little kid from Frankenmuth, Michigan deep down.

“Can I hug you?” he asked quietly.

“I’d like that,” you replied.

He pulled you close to him and held you tight, with one arm around your back and the other on your head. His body was warm, and bigger than the last time he held you. You rested your head on his shoulder like you used to. His hair tickled your cheeks again and the familiar smell of him filled your lungs. You closed your eyes and took the moment in. 

Even after all those years, in his arms, you felt safe, you felt at home, and most of all, you felt loved.

He pulled away and gave you a kiss on the cheek. He started to walk back inside and turned back around to you. 

“You coming back in?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you answered. 

You took one last look at the star in the sky. The little one right above the string of four. Tonight, it was right next to the moon. You let out a breath and smiled. You were with him everywhere he went. No matter where he was, or where you were- you were both with each other. Forever.

You turned to walk with him and he opened the door for you, letting you go before him.

“So what’s this about you being Sam’s first kiss?” he laughed as the two of you walked back inside. 

Epilogue: 

Josh sat in the conference room of the Greta Van Fleet management offices, typing on his computer when Jake walked in. 

“Hey, we’re gonna leave in a second? You ready?” he asked, leaning on the doorframe.

“Yeah,” Josh replied, “I’m just finishing up some stuff.” 

“Another screenplay?” Jake teased as he walked towards the table Josh was sitting at.

“Yeah, it’s not really my usual style but the idea just kind of came to me and I’m in the process of selling it to a production company.”

“Oh shit, what’s it about?” Jake asked.

“It’s kind of a coming of age sort of thing. It’s the story about a first love that falls apart, from the female character’s point of view. With brief insights of the male’s perspective.”

“Sounds cheesy,” Jake joked as he looked over Josh’s shoulder and tried to take a peek.  

Josh looked up at him to see Jake’s eyes glancing at the screen. He closed the computer quickly.

“I saw my name,” Jake said bluntly.

“No you didn’t!” Josh replied in a high pitched voice, laughing him off.

Jake paused for a second, looking down, and thinking hard. Then it hit him. He knew exactly the story Josh was writing. He squinted his eyes and looked at Josh. 

“Josh. I saw my name. I swear to God if you’re writing about what I think you’re writing about I will kill you.”

“I’m not!” Josh answered in defense, laughing nervously.

“Hm,” Jake breathed, still suspicious. He turned to leave the room, giving Josh a warning look.

When Jake closed the door behind him, Josh opened the computer back up and changed the name to Jack.

The End

October 2013:

It was the day after the kiss. You found yourself thinking about Jake throughout the day. He had always been a background character in your life. Barely a character at all to be honest. You never thought twice about him. But ever since that kiss, he was all you thought about. 

You saw your phone screen light up from across the room and your stomach did cartwheels when you read what was on the screen.

INSTAGRAM: @jake_kiszka has requested to follow you. 

You guessed it was safe to say he was thinking about you too. 

November 2013, Thanksgiving Break:

It was Saturday night and you and Jake planned to have a movie night in the Kiszka’s basement since the twins had the house to themselves for the next few hours. You changed in the bathroom and walked into Jake’s room to help him get the pillows and blankets from his bed and bring them downstairs. He was holding a pillow in his arm when you walked in wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. He was in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. You knelt down to put your old clothes in your backpack when Jake spoke. 

“Woah, Baby, you look hot,” he said as he looked you up and down.

You turned your head back around and stood up. Did he just say what you think you heard him say?

“What did you say?” you asked as you walked over to his bed.

Jake’s face dropped and a shade of pink appeared on his cheeks. “Uh, I said you look hot,” he answered. He had a little hint of panic on his face and his eyes widened a bit. 

“No,” you said, stretching out the word and grabbing a second pillow which rested on the foot of his bed. “What’d you call me?”

Jake paused. He looked down at the floor and grabbed the back of his neck with his available hand. He rubbed his neck and bit his lip.

“Nothing,” he replied shyly, looking up at you through the gaps in his hair.

You walked over to him and hit him gently with the pillow you were holding. “It didn’t sound like nothing,” you said sweetly.

He hit you softly with the pillow he was holding. “Well it was nothing.”

“Say it, Jake,” you teased. You hit him harder this time.

“No.” he smiled back at you and gave you an equal hit with his pillow. 

You raised the pillow at him, threatening to hit him with it again and he giggled, winding up his body with his pillow in hand.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he warned playfully as he swung the pillow around your back and hit you on the butt with it. The force of his hit pushed your body closer to his and he pulled you in. 

He threw his pillow onto his bed and pulled you in by the waist, giving you little, light kisses on your lips. 

“Stop. Trying. To. Distract. Me.” you said in between kisses. You broke away from him and gave him a warning look.

“I’m not trying to do anything,” he whispered slyly, with a mischievous smile on his face. His smile faded a bit as he stared deep into your eyes for a moment. Holding his gaze longer than usual as his eyes seemed to get lost in yours.

While he was distracted, you quickly raised the pillow and connected it to his chest. The force caused him to stumble backwards and the backs of his knees hit the edge of his bed. He fell backwards onto it laughing. 

You jumped on top of him with each leg on either side of his torso and sat on his stomach. Your knees sank into his mattress and you threw the pillow out of the way. You grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed his cheeks together, causing his lips to part. With your other hand, you grabbed his wrists and pinned them on his chest. His whole body shook underneath you as he laughed. 

“Say it,” you sang out.

“If I say it will you let go of my face?” he giggled with his cheeks still smooshed together. His eyes squinted from smiling.

You let go of his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him, with your hands still holding his wrists. You released them and combed your hands through the hair covering his forehead. He brought his hands to your hips and rubbed his thumbs against the skin just above the waistband of your shorts. 

He looked into your eyes deeply. He had the calmest, softest eyes and the tiniest smile appeared on his face as he spoke. 

“Baby,” he whispered. 

Your tongue traced your lips and you looked down at him, smiling.

“Mmm, Baby,” you repeated.

His smile widened. You could tell he liked hearing your voice speak the word out to him. 

“Is that… okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I like it.” 

One of his hands moved to the back of your neck and he pulled you in to kiss him. This kiss felt different. There was something special about it. You had just reached a milestone in your relationship together, one that would stick with the two of you forever.

You broke away from Jake and crawled off of him. He sat up and you pulled him off the bed by his arm, leading him out of the room.

The two of you went out to the kitchen to make popcorn. As you were waiting for it to pop, you saw Josh in the living room watching his own movie. 

“Baby can you get that big bowl from the top cabinet?” Jake asked.

Josh’s head spun around quicker than anything you’ve ever seen before. 

December 2013:

It was the middle of winter break. You weren’t allowed to go to Jake’s house after the Christmas incident. You hadn’t seen him in a few days but you talked through text every day. He said he would call you at night once he got home from his grandparents house. You laid in bed, waiting for his call. At around 9 pm, his name lit up on your phone screen and you picked it up instantly. 

You and Jake talked for a few hours but it felt like just a few minutes. You told each other what you did during the day and shared random stories from your lives. He told you he had a talk with Sam about girls and made you swear you would never let Sam know that you knew about it. You heard his voice get quieter as your conversation went on. You figured Josh and Sam had gone to bed.

“Tired?” you asked. 

It was getting late and you could hear it in Jake’s voice that he was about to fall asleep. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed, “But I missed your voice.”

“What else?” you asked, almost in a whisper.

You heard him shuffle around a bit and he began.

“I miss holding you. I miss playing with your hair. I miss your lips. I miss kissing you. I miss you kissing me. I miss how you smell,” he laughed a little, “I haven’t washed my sheets since you were here. I can smell you on them.”

You let out a small laugh.

“Mmm, that. I miss your laugh.” 

You could tell from his voice that he was smiling. You wished you could see him right now. You pictured his eyes squinting as his cheeks pushed up around them. Jake had the brightest and cutest smile you’d ever seen.

You sighed, “Okay my turn. I miss your smile. The way your face lights up when you’re happy. I miss holding your hands. I miss when you rub my back when I lay on you. I miss when you kiss my neck and your hair tickles me. I miss...”

You heard him breathing slowly and deeply on the other end of the phone.

“Jake?” you asked. 

“Hmm?” he replied slowly.

“Are you listening?”

“Mmm,” he replied. 

He sucked in a breath through his mouth that sounded like the little snores he does when he starts to fall asleep. You giggled quietly to yourself and listened for a few more minutes. The only thing coming from the other end of the phone was Jake’s breathing. 

You closed your eyes and imagined him next to you. You could practically feel his warm body holding you and making you feel safe and secure. His hands rubbing your back and tracing patterns on your skin. His legs finding their way on top of yours and the hairs on them tickling yours. His breathing and snoring noises being a lullaby to you and putting you to sleep.

You missed him more than you could even express to him. He felt like the safest place on earth. You were counting down the days until you would be in that place again. 

After some time of listening to him on the other end, you started to feel tired yourself.

“Night, Baby,” you whispered. You blew a small kiss to your phone, hung up, and went to sleep.

The next morning, you woke up to a text from Jake that read,

9:32 AM: You were in my dream last night, I’ll call you later and tell you about it. I won’t fall asleep this time I promise.

January 2014:

You and Jake walked into the laundry room soaking wet and cold from the snow. You took your coats off and threw them on top of the dryer. You pulled Jake’s hat off his head and he shook out his hair, giggling. Jake left for a second and came back with changes of his clothes for both of you. 

“You wanna change in here? I can leave if you want me to,” he said as he handed you the clothes. 

“Stay,” you whispered as you took the clothes from his hands and put them on top of the washing machine. You walked closer to him and wrapped your hands around his back. He put his hands on your waist. A smile crept onto his face and he leaned in to kiss you softly. 

“You wanna take this off?” he asked quietly, tugging at the bottom of your shirt. You nodded and raised your arms. Jake lifted the shirt up off you and over your head. He took his shirt off and threw them both on the pile on the dryer. 

He lowered his head and planted gentle kisses to your collarbone.

“I love you,” he said softly between kisses. 

His cold hands rested on the small of your back. The feeling of his cold hands mixed with the feeling of his cold lips on your bones gave you goosebumps all over. 

You giggled and held onto his head as his mouth worked on you. He pulled his lips from you and lifted his head to look at you. 

“Turn around,” he whispered. 

You turned around and moved your hair to the front of your shoulder. He rested his chin on your shoulder as his hands played with your bra strap. He snaked his fingers underneath and ran them back and forth under the fabric. He stopped moving his hand when he got to the clasp. 

“Can I?” his raspy voice spoke softly. 

You turned your head to look at him. Your eyes connected and you nodded slowly, “Yeah,” you whispered. 

He undid the clasp and pushed the straps off your shoulders. His rough fingertips slid gently down your arms. He rubbed the skin on your shoulders where the straps had once been. 

“I love you,” he said again, kissing your shoulder. 

You pulled your bra the rest of the way off and tossed it into the pile. You turned back around to face him and crossed your arms over your chest and rested your hands on your shoulders. You bit your lip and smiled at him. 

Jake undid his jeans, kicked them off his ankles, picked them up, and put them on the pile. The only thing left on him was his boxers. 

He knelt down in front of you and his eyes never left yours as he lowered himself to the floor. He put his hands on the button of your pants and you nodded at him. He undid the button and zipper and dug his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans to work them down. You held his shoulders as he pulled them off and you stepped out of them. The wetness from the snow caused them to stick to your legs a little. Jake grabbed the backs of your legs and ran his hands up and down them. He planted more kisses to each of your thighs with an “I love you,” before each one. 

As he played with the waistband of your underwear you sucked in a breath. You felt his hands shaking and his breathing becoming uneven. You could practically hear your own heart beating out of your chest.

You and Jake had done things like this before. You had taken each other’s clothes off before. He had seen you like this before. You had seen him like this before. But this time it was different. This wasn’t teenage eagerness driven by hormones. It wasn’t rushed and needy. This was slow and intimate. This was out of love. 

He looked back up at you, his eyes silently asked for permission. You put your hands over his and guided him as he put his thumbs through the waistband and pulled them down off you. You stepped out of them and he gathered them from the floor and threw them onto the pile of clothes. You placed your hands on the sides of his head as he kissed your hip bones softly.

“I love you,” he whispered again before and after each kiss. His hot breath on you sent shivers up and down your body. 

He started working his way back up leaving wet kisses all over your stomach, your chest, and your neck, and back to your lips. He pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them as he rose to his feet. His face was an inch away from yours when he breathed you in and connected his lips to yours. His tongue teased your bottom lip and slid against yours. After a minute or so, you pulled away from him and both of you started laughing, realizing you were standing in the middle of his laundry room, cold and naked. 

He reached for the dry clothes and you both put them on yourselves. When you were both fully clothed, he pulled you in close to hug you. You rested your chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent. 

“I love every part of you,” he said just above a whisper. 

He turned his head and kissed your cheek hard. You leaned back, grabbed his hands, and pulled them in front of him. His eyes were calm and soft. He looked completely at peace. 

“You love me back, right?” he asked as a small smile formed on his lips.

“Forever,” you whispered. 

Jake smiled and kissed your forehead. He broke away from you and picked up the pile of clothes and tossed them into the dryer. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room.

The Next Morning

It was pitch black in the basement when you felt Jake move next to you. Both of you were half asleep when Jake spoke.

“Mmm,” he groaned, “I have to go back upstairs,” he said as he adjusted his position.

“Stay five more minutes,” you whispered as you rubbed your hand under his shirt and up to his chest.

“I will. What time is it?” he asked in a tired voice. 

You reached over him and picked up his phone that was lying next to him. It had to be close to midnight. The two of you fell asleep pretty early. The bright light of the screen made you squint your eyes but they grew wide when you read 8:34 AM.

“8:34?” you said, confused.

“What?” Jake asked in a groggy voice, making sure he heard you correctly. 

You held the phone up to him so he could see for himself. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he looked around, trying to see in the darkness of the basement. The only light came from the staircase leading up to the kitchen. Jake leaned over to peer up the stairs.

“Shh, the doors still open,” he whispered.

“Can you go up and sneak into your bed? Pretend you were there all night? You think your parents will know?”

“I can’t,” he shook his head and sighed, “They’re awake. I can smell coffee.” 

Jake bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at you. He was trying to think of a plan. But he was also hoping you’d have one.

“Okay, if I can be quiet enough, it’s worth a shot, right? If anything, I’ll just say I came to see if you were awake, right?”

You gave him a worried look and shrugged your shoulders.

Jake pulled the blanket off him and scooted off the mattress. You sat up on your elbow and watched him nervously. He started walking slowly towards the stairs, trying to avoid his feet making any noise on the floor.

He didn’t even make it to the first step when you heard “I’m not stupid, Jacob,” coming from Kelly on the main floor.

Jake looked at you in defeat and mouthed the word “Fuck.”

“Just be ready to get out there and shovel by 9!”

“Hahaha! Busted!” you heard Sam laugh from upstairs.

Jake rolled his eyes and walked back over to you. He crawled back under the covers and laid himself on top of you, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck and wrapping his arms around you. One of your hands held the back of his head and the other rubbed between his shoulder blades. He draped his leg over yours and the heat of his body on top of you warmed you up instantly. 

“So, five more minutes, right?” he asked as you felt him smile into you and you heard the basement door close shut from the top of the steps. 

February 2014:

You and Jake were on the couch in his garage. He had a space heater running close by and the garage door was locked. You had a lot of time to kill before the guys showed up for band practice. Sam and Danny were still at school and Josh had rehearsals for the school musical. And with you and Jake, what was the best way to kill time? Make out. 

Things heated up quicker than usual but things were still comfortable until you found yourselves one step away from going all the way. 

Both of your clothes were on the floor and Jake was on top of you with his lips planting wet, open mouthed kisses to your neck when it hit you.

“Jake, stop,” you said suddenly, causing him to pull his mouth off you and move his eyes to meet yours. 

He saw the worried look in your eyes instantly. 

“You okay?” he asked as he lifted himself off of you. 

You shook your head and he sat back on the opposite side of the couch. 

Tears started forming in your eyes as you sat up. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not ready.” 

Jake reached down to the floor and grabbed your clothes and held them out to you. You took them and put them on as he gathered the rest of the clothes off the floor and got himself dressed. 

When you looked him in the eyes you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore.

“Hey,” he said softly, “Shh, come here.”

He opened his arms up to you and you rested your head on his chest as he held you in a tight hug. He rested his chin on your head and rubbed his hands up and down your back softly, trying to calm you. He had a tight hold on you and he rocked you back and forth slowly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered softly into his chest as your tears fell onto his shirt, leaving dark spots on the faded red fabric. 

He broke away from you and you sat up but you kept your head looking down. He held onto your face with both hands and lifted your head up, looking deep into your eyes. His eyebrow furrowed slightly and you could tell he was concentrating on reading your emotions.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s a big deal, I get it,” he said quietly, using his thumb to wipe the tears off your cheeks. 

You grabbed his hands and lowered them to your lap. You looked down and played with his fingers as you spoke.

“But I know you want to do it. Let’s just end it now and you can go do it with anyone you want,” you said. 

You stopped playing with his fingers after you said it. You were waiting for him to pull his hands away from you and break up with you then and there. 

But he didn’t. He put his hands on top of yours and held them still.

You looked up at him and your eyes met his. They were filled with sadness and confusion. 

“Okay, yeah I want to do it. But I want to do it with you. When you want to. When you’re ready.” 

You looked back down in defeat and embarrassment. 

Jake let go of your hands and sat back on the couch, facing straight ahead. He turned his head to look at you. He rested his hand on your knee and rubbed it back and forth. 

“Can I ask you something? And you don’t have to answer,” he began.

You looked at him and nodded slightly, silently giving him permission to ask what was on his mind.

“Why don’t you want to?”

You sighed and closed your eyes for a second. He deserved to know. He was too good to you about everything related to this topic. He always asked for permission before he tried anything or before he touched you. He always stopped when you asked him to. And he never pushed you to do anything. He deserved an explanation. 

“I’m just… scared I guess. Scared it’s gonna hurt. Scared I won’t be good at it. And, and scared you’re not gonna love me after.” 

Jake’s shoulders dropped and he shook his head slowly like he couldn’t believe what you just said. He turned to face you, grabbed your hands, and placed them in his lap. 

“Look, I can’t make any promises about the first one. And who knows about the second one. But I can promise you that I will never stop loving you. No matter what.”

He looked right into your eyes the whole time he spoke. He was serious. The most serious you’ve ever seen him. You knew he meant what he said. And he did. He never stopped loving you. 

Jake got up from the couch, sat with his legs criss crossed on the floor, and pulled his acoustic guitar onto his lap. He flashed that sweet smile at you from across the room.

“Now get over here. I have more I want to teach you.”

March 2014:

It was the first weekend of the month and the only weekend where Jake wasn’t playing a show. It was also the first weekend your parents actually allowed you to stay at the Kiszka’s house overnight, instead of it being an accident. 

Karen and Kelly went to a wedding out of state so it was just the four Kiszka siblings and you. No basement this time. Jake’s parents figured keeping the two of you apart didn’t work in the past so they might as well let you both sleep in Jake’s bed. As for your parents, what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them. Regardless, it was certain nothing would happen with Josh and Sam in the room.

You laid on the couch in the living room, cuddled into Jake when the ending credits of the movie the five of you just finished started rolling. It was almost midnight and the majority of you were ready for bed. 

Josh sighed and got up off the floor, “You guys wanna have some fun?” he asked, looking around at everyone.

“What kind of fun?” Jake asked in a cautious voice as he adjusted his position on the couch. Josh’s idea of “fun” sometimes went to the extreme.

An evil smile crept on Josh’s face as he started to walk out of the living room, “Follow me.”

Josh led the four of you into the boys’ room and instructed you to sit in a circle on the floor. 

You and Jake leaned against his bed and Josh leaned against his. Sam and Ronnie sat on either side to complete the circle. Jake put his hand on your knee and you rested your hand on top of his, rubbing his hand with your thumb. You were all a little apprehensive as to what Josh had in mind- you never knew what to expect with him. 

Josh dove under his bed and reached around a little, finally pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka from a brown paper bag. 

Jake made a point that you all couldn’t just sit there and just drink it- there had to be something else to it. He and Josh got the idea of Never Have I Ever. You explained the basics of the game to Sam and Ronnie. The rules were simple. If you did it, you drank. 

Josh placed the bottle in the middle of the circle and rubbed his hands together as he began.

“Never have I ever crashed Mom’s car,” he said giggling. 

“No way! That’s not fair! You can’t single people out like that!” Jake protested, sitting up a bit and extending his arm out, pointing at Josh.  

Josh handed him the bottle, “You did it. You drink.”

Jake rolled his eyes and reached for the bottle, twisted the cap off, and put the bottle to his lips. His head flew back as he took a swig.

He pulled his mouth off the bottle and winced as he swallowed. “That shits terrible,” he laughed, placing the bottle down on the floor, in the middle of the circle. 

The game continued as each of you took turns. Josh got the biggest kick out of “Never have I ever used a hair straightener” and he sat there with the biggest smile on his face as the rest of you passed the bottle around and took your shots; that one in particular making Sam gag a little as he swallowed. 

The five of you started to feel the effects of the liquor soon after, causing the questions to get more secretive and dirtier, and causing you all to get more giggly than ever. The four of them started targeting each other and making scenarios specific in order to get the other people to drink. Jake took shots for you when you didn’t want to or felt like you couldn’t, causing him to get a little tipsier than you.

The alcohol also caused Jake to get more cuddly and touchy. He started running his hands up and down your thigh and snaking his hands under your shirt; pulling you in close to him and rubbing his thumbs lightly on the skin of your stomach. He was just subtle enough to not catch his siblings’ attention, even though you swear you saw Josh’s eyes wandering. 

It was Jake’s turn and he looked at Josh and smirked before continuing. Josh returned the same face to him. They knew what the other one was thinking, without saying anything.

“Never have I ever… gotten a boner watching Camp Rock,” Jake said, smiling smugly across the circle at Sam.

The four of you held in your laughs as you watched Sam’s face drop and turn bright red.

“What the fuck, Jake?” Sam shouted in defense.

“Care to explain, Samuel?” Ronnie giggled.

“Okay first of all, it was Camp Rock 2!” Sam protested, “And second of all- that’s not fai-“

Jake interrupted him, “It is fair! You just thought we didn’t know. We knew. Now, come on, take the shot!”

Sam rolled his eyes and brought the bottle to his mouth. Before he connected his lips, he stopped and smiled, “What if we make this more interesting?”

He placed the bottle back on the floor in front of him and pointed at it. 

“I bet you I can chug a large portion of what’s left of this shit. If I do it, you each owe me $5.” 

The four of you looked at Sam, confused and shocked at the same time. He seemed to be on the verge of death every time he had to drink tonight. There’s no way in hell he could pull off chugging straight from the bottle. 

“You can’t,” Josh laughed.

“Yeah, there’s no fucking way!” Ronnie added.

Jake got up and grabbed the garbage can by the door and placed it next to Sam, just in case. The four of you sat as Sam’s audience, waiting for him to begin. 

“Are you gonna do it or what?” Jake asked.

“Let me see the money first,” Sam stated. 

Jake and Josh both crawled up to their beds and pulled out money from boxes on their shelves. Josh put $5 in front of Sam and Jake put $10 to cover both of you. Ronnie went to her room and came back with 5 singles. All of it was placed nearly in front of Sam and he smiled at it.

He picked up the bottle and raised it in the air, “To Camp Rock 2 and the start of my manhood,” he declared.

Sam brought the bottle to his lips, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and chugged.

The four of you sat there, in complete shock as Sam continued gulping down the contents of the bottle.

After some time, he popped it off his mouth, and winced as the last gulp traveled down his throat. Sam shook his head and opened his eyes to look at you all with a huge smile on his face.

The room erupted in chaos. Josh jumped on Sam and shook him around. Jake stood up and began screaming and cheering for him. You and Ronnie both fell back on your backs, laughing uncontrollably and holding onto each other for support as the room spun around you. 

The five of you got even drunker as the game continued on. You all made an unspoken promise to go easy on Sam, who was definitely feeling the effects of his little stunt. 

You learned a lot about the Kiszka siblings that night.

Sam sucked his thumb until he was ten.

Jake and Josh broke their mom’s favorite glass vase and hid it ever since.

Ronnie and Josh both had their first kisses when they were fifteen.

Jake was fourteen. Sam hadn’t kissed anyone yet. 

Sam cheated on math tests.

Jake and Josh accidently told Sam that Santa wasn’t real when he was nine and Sam cried.

Jake ate ants on a dare when he was twelve. 

Josh “borrowed” from Jake’s money stash to buy weed.

Sam had a crush on his third grade teacher. 

Jake slept with his baby blanket until he was eight.

They all fed their childhood dog vegetables under the table at dinner.

With about one shot left in the bottle and Sam significantly drunker than the rest of you, the game came to a close. Jake held out the bottle to Josh and said, “Never have I ever had sex.” 

Josh took the bottle from his hands and finished it off. 

“Okay, I didn’t need to know that. I’m going to bed,” Ronnie said as she got up and stumbled out of the room. 

“You won’t remember tomorrow anyway, Ron,” Josh replied as he climbed into his bed.

Sam crawled over to his bed and started to climb onto it slowly. He stumbled up to it, missing steps and teetering over as he got on. Jake stood up and tucked Sam into bed. He placed the garbage can next to him and rubbed his head. 

“Sleep it off, Sammy,” he said before turning back to you. 

Jake walked back over to you and held his hand out to you. He pulled you to your feet and led you out of the room. The two of you giggled as you stumbled down the hallway and into the dimly lit kitchen.

Jake grabbed a bunch of water bottles out of the refrigerator and handed one to you. 

“Be right back,” he whispered. 

While Jake was giving water to his siblings, you chugged the bottle he gave you. After a minute. you heard footsteps behind you and before you knew it, Jake’s hands were under your shirt, hugging you from behind. 

“Mmm gimme a kish,” he mumbled into your ear. 

You turned your body around to face him. His hands rested on your butt and you pulled him in by the waistband of his pajama pants. You kissed him sloppily, tasting the vodka on his lips and tongue. 

You had never been this drunk before. In fact, you had never been drunk, period. But, even though you were drunk, with Jake, you felt safe and comfortable. Even though the alcohol caused your vision to go blurry and your words to slur a bit, you knew you were in good hands with him. He was just as drunk as you were anyway. But regardless, you knew he wouldn’t do anything or try anything that would make you uncomfortable. And if anything were to go wrong or get messy, he would be there for you.

When you closed your eyes, you felt the dizziness hit you. You pushed him back against the counter and leaned your body weight onto him to keep your balance.

His lips on yours felt different than they ever had. They were wet and warm; and his kisses had an undertone of lust.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. You concentrated harder on kissing him. You tangled your hands through his hair and pulled at it as he deepened the kiss. 

Your hands traveled down to his pants and you teased the front of him with your fingertips. Jake hummed into the kisses and put his hand on top of yours, moving it to hit the spot he wanted. 

He broke away from your lips and tilted his head back. “Fuck,” he whispered, dragging out the word. His eyes rolled back and he brought his head back up. He blinked a few times and brought himself back to reality. He took a deep breath in and moved your hand off him. 

“We can’t do this right now, we’re fucked up,” he said slowly as his words slurred over each other ever so slightly. He moved your hand to rest on his chest.

“Mmm, you’re no fun,” you joked with your words also coming out a bit sloppily. You kissed him on the side of the mouth and he smiled a bit. 

With Jake still squeezed in between you and the counter, you reached behind him to grab a piece of cold, leftover pizza from the box sitting on the counter. He opened his mouth and you giggled as you held it out to him. He took a bite and chewed it with his mouth open, fully smiling at you as his jaw moved up and down. You alternated taking a bite of your own and letting him get a bite. You both giggled as you ate, trying not to wake up his siblings. And trying to be quiet, of course, only made you laugh harder. 

When you finished the pizza, Jake flicked the kitchen light off and you both went back into his bedroom. It was pitch black and the two of you laughed and shushed each other as you tried to find his bed in the darkness. 

When you found it, you hopped in and pulled him in. You both laughed as he fell on top of you. Jake dipped his head down to kiss you gently and settled next to you, pulling the covers up over your heads. 

He leaned over you and planted little kisses on your face and neck. You giggled as he continued and finally you broke away from him and kissed the tip of his nose. He returned a kiss to your forehead and lifted the blanket up off your heads. 

You felt yourself sober up as the cool breeze hit you and as you laid there with him for a bit. Your legs tangled together and he held you close to him as the two of you closed your eyes and gave each other little kisses now and then. 

You didn’t feel that dizzy feeling anymore, just a little lingering buzz.

The sounds of Josh lightly snoring began coming from the other side of the room and from farther away you heard hums and mumbles from Sam as he talked in his sleep.

“How do you sleep with them making all that noise?” you giggled. 

“Used to it I guess. Just like I’m used to you hitting me in your sleep,” Jake teased. 

“I do that?”

Jake laughed, “Yeah, but it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Good. You deserve it because you snore way louder than Josh,” you retorted back to him playfully as you gave him a peck on the lips, and rolled over. 

You pressed your back into his chest and grabbed his hand, pulling it on top of you. You felt your eyelids get heavy and the last thing you remember is Jake kissing the back of your head and saying “G’night, Baby.”

Thanks to the alcohol, you slept like a rock that night. The next morning, you woke up to the sounds of Sam groaning and gagging into the garbage can. 

You and Jake both sat up simultaneously when you realized what was happening, a slight headache hit you as you got up and opened your eyes fully to the bright morning light.

“Hey, you okay, Sammy?” Jake asked, climbing out of bed and going over to him.

“I should’ve asked for more money. $20 wasn’t worth it,” Sam groaned with his voice muffled by the garbage can surrounding his head.  

~~~~~

It was the Monday after Jake’s show you attended at the bar. Jake wasn't in school and didn't answer his phone all day. You saw Josh at lunch and asked him where Jake was. He told you Jake was sick and stayed home for the day.

After school, Josh took you to their house and brought you to the boys room to see Jake. When you walked in, you saw Jake in bed, fast asleep. 

The floor by his bed was littered with used tissues and empty water bottles. He had a box of cold medicine, a jar of vapor rub, and half empty box of tissues on the nightstand. A half dranken bottle of Gatorade was sitting in his bed next to him. 

“Let me know when you want me to take you back home,” Josh said, closing the door behind him as he left the room. 

Jake was cuddled up in blankets and you sat down on the edge of his bed. His cheeks were rosy, his mouth was open just a bit, and his lips were dry from breathing through his mouth. You wiped his hair out of his face and slowly he woke up.

He was confused at first, in a post nap haze, until he realized what was going on. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a tired voice. His voice was nasally and hoarse.

“I missed you today. Josh said you were sick. I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s wrong?” you said as you stroked the hair on his head back.

He rubbed his face and sighed groggily. He involuntarily let out a small cough as he sighed.

“I’ve had a headache all day, my throat hurts when I swallow, I keep coughing, and I can’t breathe through my nose. My mom said it’s probably from being in the rain on Saturday,”

He was being a giant baby. Zero pain tolerance. But you had to admit- he looked absolutely adorable all cuddled up in bed.

“Poor baby,” you said, half serious, half joking.

He smiled a little as he realized how dramatic he was being. Not to mention you being there made him smile too. 

You leaned down to give his cheek a kiss and he pulled back a little. 

“Don’t. I don’t want to get you sick,” he said.

“Jake, my tongue was down your throat two days ago and I was in the rain with you. I’m pretty sure whatever you have, will be mine tomorrow,” you said, as you lifted up his covers and crawled into bed next to him. 

You held him from behind and gave his shoulders little kisses. Through his shirt you could smell vapor rub on his back and you could only imagine how annoyed he was at his mom for rubbing it on for him. 

“Just relax, Baby,” you whispered. 

After a few minutes of silence, Jake spoke quietly.

“You know what would probably make me feel better?” he mumbled with his face half smushed into his pillow.

“What?” you asked. 

“Can I touch your boobs?” 

You let out a laugh through your nose at his request.

“Fine,” you laughed.

Jake turned his body around in bed. This time, he held you from behind. His hand snuck up under your shirt and bra and rested on your chest, rubbing his thumb on your skin.

“Feel better?” you asked sarcastically.

“Mhmm,” he said into your neck, smiling, “They got bigger.”

You smiled, rolled your eyes, and placed your hand on top of his. 

Within minutes, Jake’s hand was still and he was fast asleep.

April 2014:

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed, crawling off him and extending your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Before fully leaving the wooded area, you stopped him. 

“What if,” you began, “I gave you an early birthday present?”

You ran your index finger down his chest over his hoodie. A small smile formed on his face and his tongue traced over his bottom lip as he looked at you. His eyes squinted and scanned your face, trying to decipher what you meant. He was trying to read your mind but he couldn’t. He had no idea what you were about to do or say. 

You walked him over to the rock and he pushed his back against it.  

“You said this is a spot for firsts right?” you asked as you placed soft kisses to his cheek and jawline. 

“Yeah…” he said hesitantly.

You continued kissing his jawline and lowered your lips down his neck. You broke away and gave him a soft kiss on his lips before kneeling down in front of him. You felt the coolness of the ground on your knees and leaves left over from autumn crunched underneath them. 

You looked up at him and bit your lip as you smiled. 

Jake’s mouth opened and he started breathing heavily when he realized what your intentions were. You reached for his belt buckle and started undoing it. 

His chest moved as he breathed in deep before he spoke. “Here? Now? Fuck, Baby.” 

The two of you had talked about this before. It was only a matter of time before it happened. Jake had always wanted it and left it up to you to make the move for it. And at that moment, it was the perfect time, and the perfect place. You were surrounded by the privacy of the overgrown woods and you were far enough away from his house that you couldn’t be heard. 

“Mhmm, first times, right?” you said as you undid the buttons of his pants and pulled them down.

He nodded quickly and swallowed hard. As he did, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. His whole body tensed up, he tilted his head back, and his hands tangled themselves in your hair as you got to work on him.

When you were done, Jake brought you to your feet, pulled up his pants, and fastened his belt. He wiped your face with his palm before kissing you softly. 

“I guess that beats first kiss, doesn’t it?” he said, smiling. He had little pink and red patches on his cheeks and neck that faded as he caught his breath. 

“It better!” you laughed. 

He let out a laugh from his nose and said, “Come on, we’ve been gone too long. My parents are going to get suspicious.”

Together you walked back to civilization, with him leading the way.

May 2014:

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” You giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you to the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster.

Jake caught up to you in the doorway and hugged you from behind. His arms wrapped around your waist and snuck around your stomach, squeezing you against his body. You giggled as the two of you walked down the hallway and into the bathroom. 

You brushed your teeth and Jake left the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. He returned with fresh towels in his hands and placed them on the counter.

Jake shut the door behind him and rinsed out his mouth before pulling you close to him again. He started sprinkling your face with little kisses playfully, smiling in between each one. 

He broke away from you with one last dramatic “Mwah,” to your cheek and leaned into the shower to turn the water on. 

The steam from the water began to fill up the bathroom, causing fog to appear on the mirrors and window.

“Can I take this off?” Jake asked, his hands sliding along the hem of the tshirt you were wearing.

You nodded and lifted your hands up over your head as he pulled the shirt off you. He tossed it over by the door and pulled you close to him. You wrapped your arms around this neck and he held both hands behind your back. His eyes traveled down from your eyes to your chest as he fought back a smile. 

“Jake?” you asked, almost in a whisper. 

“Yeah?” he asked, bringing his eyes back to meet yours. 

“You know I love it when you ask before you do stuff. But, you really don’t have to anymore.” 

He looked into your eyes and nodded slowly. You could see him trying to make sense of what you just said in his head. 

“Okay. But just promise you’ll tell me if-”

“I will.” you interrupted, already knowing what the second half of his sentence was. 

You closed the gap between the two of you and pulled him in for a kiss. You tasted the mint in his mouth as you slid your tongue across his bottom lip. As the two of you continued, you felt a little bit more of Jake against your thigh. 

You broke away from his lips, looked down at the obvious situation in his boxers, and giggled. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he laughed as his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He was definitely a little embarrassed but the cute smile on his face still made you melt. 

“I could take care of it for you if you want?” you suggested, teasing your hand dangerously close to where he wanted you the most.

“Yes,” he breathed out, “Please.”

You backed him up against the door and his body hit it with a light thud. The steam from the shower fogged up the entire room and as you pulled away from Jake’s face, clouds of water vapor separated the two of you. 

You took care of Jake and when that was done, he led you to the shower and slid open the shower door for you.

“Ladies first,” he said as you stepped in. 

He followed behind and slid the glass door closed. You got under the hot running water and let it relax your muscles for a moment before the two of you switched places. He let the water fall on his head, getting it all wet. He shook it out like a dog and droplets flew everywhere. You giggled and flinched as the water got in your face. 

He extended his hand out to the shelf in the shower and grabbed a bottle of face wash. You cupped your hand for him and he put a few pumps in them. You rubbed your hands together until they were sudsy and reached out for his face. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose as your hands massaged the soap into his cheeks. You pushed his hair back off his forehead, and rubbed your hands over his entire face. His facial muscles relaxed as you continued. With his eyes still closed, you turned him around to rinse it off and then gave yourself a few more pumps to wash your own face with. 

He stepped behind you and squeezed some shampoo in his hands. You stepped under the stream of water.

“Tip your head back for me,” he said as he rubbed the shampoo in his hands together. 

You did as he said and let the water run over your face, washing the cleanser off as you felt Jake’s fingertips massage shampoo into your scalp. 

You hummed and he let out a satisfied chuckle. 

“Feels good?” he asked as his fingers moved in little circles and worked their way to the base of your head. 

“Mhmm,” you hummed in response as he put more pressure on your scalp. 

“Good,” he said softly. “Just close your eyes and relax, Baby.”

His fingers dug into your scalp, scratching and massaging it perfectly. It felt amazing.

After a bit of time, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around so you were facing him. He lifted your chin to tilt your head back as the water rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. Jake ran his fingers through your hair to make sure it was all out and when it was, you opened your eyes to meet his for the first time. 

The two of you stood there for a moment just staring at each other in silence- the only sound was the running water coming from the shower head above. You silently admired each other. You admired how you both took care of each other in different intimate ways. You each knew how to make the other feel good. You didn’t know it then, but you were both teaching each other and learning how to love. 

He squeezed shampoo into his hands again and rubbed it through his hair quickly. You switched places with him so he could rinse it out. 

He tilted his head back and opened his mouth, letting it fill up with water. He looked at you with water filled cheeks and the tiniest smile on his closed lips. Without warning, he opened his lips slightly and released the water out to you like a fountain.

 The warm water from his mouth hit your chest and you laughed out the word “Ew!” 

You snuck behind him, faced the shower head, and filled your mouth with the hot water. You turned to him with your mouth full of water. He turned his face to the side and closed one eye, anticipating what was going to come next. 

“I deserve it, go ahead,” he laughed as you spit out a stream of water onto his cheek.

He laughed and rinsed it off. He moved in toward you and grabbed you behind the back. He gave you a gentle but wet kiss on the lips. 

You grabbed a bottle of conditioner from the shelf and held it out for him. He raised his eyebrows at you. 

“Seriously?” he asked.

“You like your hair long don’t you?” you questioned.

He laughed and replied with a cautious “Yeah,”

“Then turn around,” you commanded. 

He turned around and you squirted a little bit of conditioner into your hands and rubbed it into the ends of his hair. You grabbed his shoulders and turned him around and out of the stream of the running water as you combed conditioner through your own hair. 

“Leave it in for a little bit,” you instructed him and he nodded. 

He grabbed two bottles of body wash from the shelf and held them up for you. 

“I’m going to assume you’d rather use my sister’s,” he laughed, handing you a pink bottle while he kept a black one for himself.

He picked up one of the fresh washcloths from the edge of the shower and got it wet. He held it out and you squeezed the pink soap onto it. He rubbed the washcloth around in his hand until it had suds and he brought it to your neck. 

He rubbed your neck and shoulders with it and the smell of strawberries filled the shower. He ran the washcloth down your chest and to your stomach, rubbing in circles and massaging all the right parts. He moved the washcloth to your lower back and you turned around for him. He moved your hair to one side of your shoulder and swiped the washcloth over your back a few times. He moved you under the running water, allowing you to rinse the conditioner out of your hair and the soap off your body.

You reached down next to him to pick up the second washcloth and ran it under the water. He squeezed the black bottle and green gel came out onto the washcloth. You rubbed the washcloth around in your hand until it was nice and bubbly. You then rubbed his chest and neck with it. The drips of bubbles trailed down his stomach and over the bumps of his ab muscles. You used your free hand to rub along his stomach and you felt his muscles tighten with your touch. He turned around and you got his back and behind his ears. 

You pulled him under the stream of water and let the conditioner and body wash run off of him. You wrapped your hands around his stomach and pressed your chest to his back, taking in the manly scent of the body wash on him and hugging him from behind. Just letting the water run in between you as you breathed in his scent. 

The two of you swapped washcloths and got the other parts of your own bodies until you were both completely clean. 

You rinsed and rung out the washcloths and Jake reached behind you to turn off the water. He slid the shower door open and stepped out first. He grabbed a towel from the counter and held it open for you. You walked over to him and he wrapped you in the towel, rubbing up and down your arms to warm you up. He opened the second towel and wrapped it around his waist. 

You dried yourselves off and changed into your clothes in his room. You towel dried your hair and threw the towels into the hamper by the closet. 

“You hungry? I’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes,” he offered as he threw a shirt over his head of damp hair.

“Is this your way of thanking me for getting you off in the bathroom?” you teased. 

“It’s part of it. Just wait until after breakfast,” he smiled, wiggled his eyebrows at you, and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked out of the room and down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

~~~~~

School was out for a four day weekend. Jake had saved up just enough money to take you on a getaway of your own. It wasn’t far and it wasn’t fancy, but it was you and Jake.

He booked three days at the Bavarian Inn in the main part of town. 

The two of you spent every second of the stay together, uninterrupted.

It was something you both had always wanted. You had a king sized bed, privacy, and room service. For two eighteen year olds, that was all you needed.

The trip gave you opportunities to learn more about yourselves and each other.

You learned more about each others’ bodies and what each of you liked and didn’t like.

You learned that you hated when he left the cap off the toothpaste and when he peed with the bathroom door open.

He learned that he hated how your makeup and hair products took up half the bathroom counter and how you didn’t turn the bathroom fan on while you showered.

But you loved every second of it. You loved putting the toothpaste cap back on and closing the bathroom door while he stood there in front of the toilet, smiling at you like an idiot.

He loved pushing your makeup off to the side so he could sit on the counter of a steamy bathroom and talk to you while you blew dry your hair.

You both loved the quiet. The privacy. The ability to say and do whatever you wanted together. The bed. The space. The fact that there were no siblings, no parents, and no needing to go home in a few hours. 

It gave you a taste of adulthood. A taste both of you liked a lot.

You laid in bed on the last morning of your stay, playing with each other's fingers and enjoying the quiet morning when you spoke.

“Do you think that one day, we could do this?” You asked.

“Do what?”

“You know, like, live together? Get an apartment or something, just us? Be able to do this every day?” 

“Yeah, we could, couldn’t we?” he said as he envisioned the future and realized that it was a realistic possibility. 

Jake needed that. He needed the thought of something realistic for his future. He’d been dreaming for too long.

June 2014:

Josh arrived back home around midnight that night. When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement, his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair.

Josh walked slowly down the stairs, making just enough noise for Jake to know someone was there. 

“Go away,” Jake said, not even bothering to look up at who it was. 

“You really want me to go away? Because I’m pretty sure I’m all you have right now.” Josh spoke harshly. 

Jake looked up at him with red, swollen eyes and then looked back down. 

“Sam said you threw up,” Josh said timidly. He approached the couch as if Jake was a wild animal who Josh was trying to get to take food out of his hands.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jake replied bluntly.

“You don’t have to. But when you do want to talk about it- I’m here,” Josh replied as he walked over to Jake and sat next to him on the couch.

The couch dipped down next to Jake as Josh took a seat. Josh waited there for Jake to crack. He knew his brother. He knew it was coming. He knew he was being stubborn and holding it in. Josh was tired and what he wanted more than anything was to go to bed. But he knew Jake was going to need him. The two of them sat there in silence for the better part of an hour until finally, Jake let it all go. 

All Josh could do was grab him and hold him close as Jake cried on his shoulder. The shoulder that the scent of you lingered on since you did the same thing when Josh took you home. Jake smelled it and the memories of you hit him, causing more tears and the holding back of gags. When Jake opened his eyes and saw your black mascara smudged on Josh’s shirt, he cried harder realizing how much he hurt you. 

After the worst of it was over, Josh pulled back from him and helped him catch his breath and breathe deeply. Josh calmed him down considerably and helped him get it all out. 

Josh sat in the basement with Jake for hours while he told him everything. Everything.

At that point, Josh knew it all. He knew about the big moments as well as the little ones. He knew about all the highs and lows. He knew about all the feelings of love as well as heartbreak. He knew secrets that you and Jake kept between each other. Josh planned to hold onto these secrets for years, thinking he would take them all to the grave. 

By the time Jake got it all out, it was almost 4 in the morning. Josh got up off the couch and reached his hand out to Jake. 

“Come on, get up. Let’s go to bed.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” 

“Everything in that room reminds me of her. My sheets smell like her. Her clothes are in the drawers. Her pictures are on the walls. I, I tried already- I can’t go in there. I can’t even close my fucking eyes without seeing her face. My head just keeps replaying what I said to her. I can’t believe I fucking said that to her.”

“Honestly,” Josh began, “I can’t believe you said that either.”

Jake titled his head back and stared at the ceiling. He bit his lip and shook his head, still in disbelief of the events of the night as his mind, once again, replayed the conversation he had in his bedroom with you, wishing he could turn back time.

Josh told Jake he’d be right back, went upstairs, took the blanket and pillow off his own bed, and brought them downstairs to Jake.

“Just try to sleep. And let me know if you need anything, okay? Love you.” Josh said as he handed Jake a bottle of water and made him drink some of it. 

Jake didn’t reply but Josh didn’t expect him to. Josh started walking up the stairs but stopped when he heard Jake call to him.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you just, can you make sure she’s okay for me? Please?” Jake asked, his voice cracked as he struggled to even get the words out. 

Josh nodded, “I will.”

“Thanks,” Jake paused. “For everything. Love you too.”

Josh gave him a soft smile, continued up the stairs, and flicked off the basement light.

When Josh got into his room, he grabbed the blankets off of Jake’s bed and laid down on his own bed. He was surprised when he heard a whisper coming from Sam’s side of the room.

“Hey,” Sam asked quietly, “Are they okay?” 

“Only time will tell,” Josh said before closing his eyes and finally getting to fall asleep. 

Jake didn’t sleep at all that night. He stayed awake for almost 3 days straight. When he did sleep, it was only short periods of time and all he saw and dreamt about was you. 

Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night.

December 2013:

It was December 27, the day after the accidental Christmas sleepover situation. Jake and Josh were in their bedroom. Josh laid in his bed with headphones in, half asleep and listening to music. Jake laid on his bed, on his phone when Sam walked in slowly.

“Hey Jake?” Sam asked, leaning against the door frame to their bedroom.

“Yeah?” Jake replied casually, not looking up from his phone.

“Remember what I, what I, uh, asked you last night?” Sam said shyly. 

Jake raised his head to look up at his little brother. Sam was looking at his feet, too embarrassed to even look at Jake. 

“No, what did you ask?” Jake answered with a small smile forming on his face. He was playing dumb and they both knew it. 

“Don’t make me say it,”

“Sam, I don’t know what you asked me last night,” 

“Jake…”

“Sammy…”

“I asked you, how to, you know,”

Jake’s smile lit up his whole face and the light from his phone screen casted shadows over his eyes, making him look a little evil. He had been waiting for this moment to happen. He loved seeing Sam, who always had smart remarks, vulnerable and in need of advice on a topic that he didn’t know anything about. 

“How to what?” he asked. 

“How to,” Sam began and then his voice trailed off and he got quieter, “kiss a girl.”

Jake let out a laugh and sat up in bed. “Sit down, let’s talk.”

Sam sat on the edge of Jake’s bed and Jake began. 

“So, for starters, when you like a girl, you’re going to get this feeling. I can’t really describe it, and it’ll hit you out of nowhere. It’s like, every time you look at her, or even think about her, you’ll feel something inside you kind of light up. She’ll make you feel like you’re alive, more alive than you’ve ever felt before.”

Sam bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows, “And you feel that with her?” he asked.

Jake sighed, “Yeah. Every time she looks at me I feel it. Every time I hear her voice. Every time I touch her. It never gets old.”

Jake looked down and smiled to himself before continuing.

“So when that feeling comes, I don’t know you’ll just have this want. A want to feel her in a different way. A want to have her close to you. A want to… kiss her.”

“Okay. But how do you actually do it?” Sam asked.

“When you’re ready to kiss her, you’ll know. You have to be ready, though. Don’t rush it. Don’t push it. And you have to ask her. You have to ask her before you do anything. Dad told you that, right?”

Sam nodded.

“And if you get the okay from her, you just lean into her, turn your head a little, close your eyes, and then kiss her. And when your lips hit hers, something will take over. I don’t know why and I don’t know how but it just will. You’ll know what to do. And if she’s the right girl, you’ll feel that alive feeling when it happens. It’ll start in your chest and then go through your entire body. It’s adrenaline I guess. Hormones and shit.”

“Were you nervous?” 

Jake laughed, “I have never been more nervous in my entire life. But the first one is always the hardest, ya know?”

Sam nodded and let out a “Hm.” He pursed his lips and looked down, somewhat in defeat. 

“Hey,” Jake started, “It’ll happen one day. You’re young, Sam. You have your whole life ahead of you to kiss girls, or guys, or whoever you’re into.” 

Sam let out a light laugh as Jake nudged him with his arm a little. 

“You have to make me one promise though,” he said. 

“What?” Sam asked.

“You have to stop with the jokes. And the gagging noises. And the grossed out look on your face every time she’s over and you see us doing stuff. Especially now that I know you’re not completely disgusted by it.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Fine,” he sighed.

Jake continued, “And you know you can come to me for anything, right? Even if I do tease you a little about it?”

Sam smiled, “Yeah. Thanks.”

Jake grabbed Sam’s head and messed up his hair as Sam started to get up.

“Oh, one more question,” Sam asked on his way out the door.

“Yeah?”

“What does a blowjob feel like?”

“Google it,” Jake laughed and picked up Sam’s phone that he left behind. He threw it at Sam and Sam caught it.

Sam laughed and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Jake laid back down and wondered the same thing himself. 

A minute went by and Josh spoke.

“It feels good by the way.”

May 2014:

Josh came home from prom weekend late Sunday night.

Jake was in the boys’ room by himself, laying in bed, texting, and eating chips straight out of the bag when the door to the boys bedroom flung open with full force.

“Hello Jacob,” Josh said slyly, giving him a suggestive smirk.

Jake looked up from his phone and met eyes with Josh who was walking towards his own bed. Jake’s eyes followed him. Both of them knew what eachother was thinking. 

Josh knew what happened. Jake knew that Josh knew. Neither of them told each other. But they knew. 

It was almost as if it was a contest to see who would crack a full smile first. 

Jake lost the contest. 

The second Jake’s lips parted and broke out into a smile, Josh jumped onto Jake’s bed and sat on top of him.

Josh immediately began making obnoxious thrusting movements on the bed, on top of Jake. 

“Oh yeahhh, Baby,” he teased in a deep voice as the bed shook underneath him.

“Oh, Jake, yes right there! Don’t stop!” he teased again, this time in a high pitched voice. 

“Get off me you freak!” Jake laughed as he pushed Josh off him. With the push, Josh rolled off of Jake and his feet hit their bedroom floor once again.

Josh grabbed the bag of chips out of Jake’s hands and threw himself on his own bed as both their laughter faded.

He dug his hand into the bag of chips and spoke, “Feel any different?” he asked, popping a chip into his mouth.

“Kind of,” Jake admitted, “It sort of feels like I’m in on this big secret now. I can’t really explain it,” 

Josh nodded. Josh knew what he meant, having experienced this for himself too. 

“Do Mom and Dad know?” Josh asked.

“Fuck no!” Jake answered quickly, “I think Sam knows though,”

“Sam knows what?” Sam asked, entering the room and walking over to the dresser by his bed.

“Nothing. Just that we have a gig next week, that’s all,” Jake answered quickly, covering up the conversation he was just having with Josh.

“Oh, yeah. I know,” Sam answered as he opened the top drawer of the dresser.

Sam dug around in his dresser quietly. Jake and Josh looked at each other silently, and then looked back at Sam, who was clearly trying to eavesdrop.

After a few moments of silence, Josh spoke again. 

“So was it good?” he asked with his voice just above a whisper. 

Jake looked back over at Josh with a smile slowly spreading across his face. 

“Amazing.” 

Sam turned around instantly and pointed his finger at Jake. 

“Aha! You did have sex! I knew it!” Sam called out, proud of himself for coming to that conclusion but also foolishly forgetting that the door to their bedroom was open. 

“SAM SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The twins both shouted in unison.

Jake rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath as he got up, grabbed the bag of chips from Josh’s hands, and laid back down on his own bed. 

Josh pulled out his phone and typed out a text to Jake, trying not to catch Sam’s attention.

JOSH: By the way, you should probably tell Dad.

Jake didn’t reply. He just looked at Josh, who was looking back at him with a serious expression. Josh began typing again.

JOSH: He’s not gonna be mad. I promise. 

JOSH: Just do it now. Before Sam does.

Jake looked at the messages and then over at Josh again and sighed. He got up out of bed and walked out of the room.

“Walk of shame,” Sam said, adding a little “tsk tsk,” after. 

That night, all three boys went to sleep close to midnight. 

The late night thoughts got to each of them.

Jake felt whole. He felt good. He felt like a man now. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was able to have mature conversations with his older brother and father now. He could understand them. They could understand him. Plus, he knew he made a good choice with how and when he did it. The wait was worth it.

Sam felt curious. Still not even having kissed anyone yet, he wondered what his brothers felt. He couldn’t even begin to know. He hadn’t even taken that first step. The hardest one- and he wasn’t even close to it yet. He wondered if he would ever get to that step.

Josh felt conflicted. He was happy for Jake. Seeing his twin brother so in love made his heart fill up. But he was jealous. He didn’t get to have what Jake had. He hadn’t experienced “love” yet. He regretted his first time. Her family moved away last year. He didn’t even know where she was now. He wanted to feel what Jake felt. Usually, he always felt how Jake felt. But for the first time in his life, he couldn’t. He could see it on Jake though and he just wondered, would he ever feel that way? Would he ever have that? Ever?

June 2014:

Jake had been living in the basement for the past three days. He hadn’t slept. He hadn’t eaten. He hadn’t showered. All he did was lay there in Josh’s blanket, watch tv with a blank stare, and cry at night. 

Kelly and Karen talked amongst themselves and came up with a plan in an attempt to get him moving a little. They figured Josh would be the best one to talk to him. He could tell him things without really telling him things. Twins. 

Josh went downstairs one afternoon and sat down next to Jake on the couch. 

“Moms washing your sheets and then me, her, and Ronnie are gonna go out for a little. Dads gonna take Sam out too. So… if you want to do anything by yourself, you could, you know?” 

Jake knew what he meant. 

Jake nodded and turned his back to Josh, covering himself with the blanket again.

Josh went back upstairs and Jake laid there and waited to hear the sounds of two cars leaving the driveway. 

After a few minutes of silence, he sat up. He listened for any noise and there was nothing. For the first time since October, he was actually completely alone. 

He stood up and looked around himself for a second before heading upstairs.

The house was still and silent, which contrasted to its normal busy and bustling energy.

He peeked into his room to see that his sheets, blankets, and pillows were off his bed. He went into the laundry room and opened the lid of the running washing machine. He watched the soap and bubbles slosh through his bed sheets.

He grabbed some clothes from a basket of clean clothes and headed for the bathroom. A white shirt and black sweatpants. The clothes were Josh’s but he didn’t care. He’d been wearing the same clothes for three days and he wasn’t ready to face his bedroom yet. He knew what he’d find when he opened the drawers.

Jake walked into the bathroom and turned the shower onto the hottest setting.

He let it reach its full temperature and stepped in. He stood there with his head down and his eyes closed, just letting the water nearly burn his body. It hurt. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to feel pain on something besides his heart. He wanted to hurt himself for what he did. He wanted to punish himself.

After a while, he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned the temperature down and properly washed himself, head to toe. It felt good. 

He spotted Ronnie’s pink bottle of shower gel. He looked at it and thought for a second. He shouldn’t. 

But he couldn’t stop himself.

He picked up the bottle and opened it. He lifted it to his nose and instantly regretted his decision. 

He felt his heart sink as the smell of the strawberry body wash brought back memories. She had used it a few times there before. It reminded him of her and how she smelled when she was with him at home. 

He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. It took all the mental strength he had to put the bottle back down.

A small wave of pride rushed through him. This was a step. A baby step, but a step nonetheless.

He finished showering and threw on Josh’s clothes. Before leaving the bathroom, he took the pink strawberry body wash bottle and tossed it in the garbage can.

By the time he was done in the shower, he went back to the laundry room to see his sheets were finished being washed. He opened the lid and peeked inside. The sheets were wet, but clean. 

He grabbed the detergent from the shelf above the machine and poured more in there. He hit the wash button again and watched the water fill up before closing the lid. 

He walked into the kitchen to see some of his favorite snacks conveniently placed on the counter. For the first time in days, he felt hungry. 

He grabbed a bag of pretzels and went downstairs. Right before opening the basement door again, he stopped. He looked down the hallway towards his bedroom. It was a straight shot down the hall and he could see his bed and area of the room perfectly from where he was. He closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Another day,” he thought to himself as he turned his vision back to the basement door and opened it, heading back down for the remainder of the night.

~~~~~

The next day, Jake returned to his bedroom with a cardboard box in his hand. His bed was made and his sheets were clean. But he was dreading what he knew he had to do next.

He stood in the doorway, hesitant to enter.

“You coming in?” Josh asked from his bed as he looked up at Jake. 

Jake walked into his room for the first time since the argument. He looked at josh and then looked over at Sam, who was reading a book in his little corner area of the bedroom.

“Get out,” Jake said bluntly.

Sam rolled his eyes, got up, and mumbled something under his breath as he walked past Jake and closed the door behind him.

Jake placed the box down on his bed. Josh already knew what Jake’s intentions were.

He got out of bed and stood next to Jake. The two of them stared at the empty box that was sitting on Jake’s bed.

“Pictures, clothes, anything girly you find,” Jake said.

Josh nodded and the two of them got started.

They worked in silence for a bit. Jake cleared his drawers of her clothes and stuff she had left behind, not realizing it was the last time she’d be in the house. Josh took pictures off the walls surrounding Jake’s bed. He took good looks at them as he peeled the tape off and placed them in a pile.

After a while, Josh broke the silence.

“I missed you,” he said quietly, not making eye contact with Jake. 

“Yeah,” Jake whispered, “me too.”

“You wanna do something later? Just us?”

Jake nodded, “Yeah,” he sighed, “Gonna go talk to her and give this stuff back so, after, okay? I’m probably gonna need you,”

Josh pushed his body into Jake’s, “I’m always here for you, little brother,”

“By five minutes,” Jake laughed. It was the first time Jake had smiled in days.

~~~~~

Jake continued to skip English class for that next week so he wouldn’t see her. He avoided her in the hallways. He went different routes so he wouldn’t run into her. He waited after school for her to leave before he left himself so he wouldn't see her in the parking lot. What he was doing was obvious. He wasn’t subtle about it. 

On Sunday morning, Jake laid in his bed when his mom came into his room and sat down on the edge. It had been over a week since the breakup and Jake was finally back in his own bed.

“I got an email from your English teacher,” she said, “you stopped going to class and haven’t turned in almost two week's worth of work. You’re failing.” 

Jake sighed and turned over, facing the wall.

“I don’t care,” Jake sighed, pulling the covers over his head.

“You should care,” she said firmly, “He said you won’t graduate unless you turn in that final essay. If you do a good job on it, he’ll let you pass the class with a D.”

The essay was due tomorrow, on a book Jake didn’t even read. He was supposed to start it last week with her right after they wrote out their future plans for the graduation program booklet. But obviously, that didn’t end up happening.

The book and the essay were the last things on Jake’s mind. He was decent at reading and writing, but stuff like this took time for him. There’s no way he could do a good job on it and turn it in by Monday.

That day, he tried to read the book. He looked up the plot online. He tried to find or think of an essay idea to write about. He had nothing. He couldn’t focus on anything. Every sentence in the book reminded him of her. He could associate every word in the book with her. He couldn’t even get through one page without starting to feel his heart drop.

He was going to fail. And since he didn’t have plans for next year anyway, who cared about repeating the grade, right?

On Monday, he walked into English class with his hood covering his head. It was his first time back in class after a week of skipping. He sat down in the corner of the room, opposite from where he normally sat. He crossed his arms and lowered his head so only his nose and eyes could be seen.

At the end of class, everyone was instructed to turn their essays in before leaving. 

Jake had nothing. 

He waited until everyone left the room and then walked out without turning in any work. 

“I can’t pass you, Jake,” his teacher warned sympathetically as he walked out.

“See you next year, Mr. H.” Jake said in a monotone voice. 

Friday was the last day of school. The final essays were being passed back to the class, one by one. 

Each student in class smiled and whispered as they all flipped their papers over to see their grades. 

To Jake’s surprise, a typed and stapled essay appeared on his desk, face down.

“I could only give you a B since you turned it in late. But you did a good job. It’ll give you the final grade you need to graduate,” his teacher said quietly as he passed his desk.

Jake looked at the paper on his desk and then up at him.

“I- I didn’t…” he stuttered. He couldn’t even finish his sentence before his teacher walked away to pass the rest of the essays out. 

Jake flipped over the paper to see his name typed at the top and a B+ written in the corner of the paper in red ink.

He skimmed the essay and flipped the pages quickly. It met every requirement. Three pages. Double spaced. Cited Sources. Everything.

The bell rang and everyone got up to leave. They all said their last goodbyes to their teacher before heading to their next class. Again, Jake waited for everyone else to leave before getting up.

Jake approached his teacher's desk and before he could get any closer, he stopped him and said, “Jake, I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know what happened. But, she’s good to you. Don’t lose her.”

Jake bit the inside of his cheek, rolled the paper up in his hand, and looked down at it.

“I already did,” he whispered, starting to walk out of class.

“Good luck next year, Jake. Wherever life takes you. I have a feeling life’s got big plans for you.”

Jake gave him a small smile and waved as he left the classroom for the last time. 

As he entered the hallway, he looked to the right to see a shadow around the corner quickly disappear.

That night Jake got home to see two gray and red cap and gown sets laid out on the family’s couch.

He pulled out his phone from his pocket and sent a text.

6:45 PM: Thanks.

She got the text. She didn’t reply. 

It took everything she had in her not to reply. And she didn’t know it, but it took everything he had in him not to type “Love you,” at the end.

November 1, 2014:

It was November 1, 2014. You and Jake’s one year anniversary.

After the initial shock of you going to New York for college wore off, Jake came around after some time and offered to try long distance starting in the fall. You were glad that he was willing to try and glad that the relationship you had with him was still strong. After all, what couple doesn’t get into a fight here and there?

The summer you and Jake spent together was indescribable. You spent almost every day together. 

You rode bikes, went camping, got ice cream, and went swimming. Usually, you would stay out all day and all night with him and then sneak each other back into your rooms in the early morning hours for a few hours of sleep.

You went to his family’s lakehouse cabin with him and Josh a few times for a few days at a time in between his gigs.

He started playing more outdoor shows in Michigan and some surrounding states for fairs and auto shows. Sometimes, the two of you would drive a couple hours together for him to play a show for twenty people, and then you’d stay in a crappy motel for the night or you’d sleep in the car as he drove back home. You were doing it, you were seeing the world with him. Little by little.

The summer quickly came to an end though and before you knew it, your parents' car was packed with your clothes and dorm supplies, and you were set to head off to New York. Without him. 

The last time you saw him in person was outside his house at 6 am on an August morning. You were saying your last goodbye to him before you and your parents road tripped to New York to drop you off at school. 

That was the last time you hugged him. The last time you kissed him. The last time you felt him.

He hugged you tighter than he ever had before and you did the same to him. Neither of you wanted to let the other go. You knew it would be the last time you saw him for a while. 

You’ll never forget him standing there in the middle of his driveway, in pajama pants, wiping tears off his face as the car drove away.

He would have come for the drive if he could. But he couldn’t. You understood though. Sam was starting high school in a few days and the band had become busier than ever with shows, rehearsals, and writing and recording sessions scheduled by the little management company that picked them up over the summer.

As summer ended and fall began, the two of you had gotten busy. You with school, and him with the band. Things were picking up for them and you couldn’t have been happier for Jake. The dream he thought he lost forever was back in his grasp and he was achieving it slowly and surely. And regardless of your busy schedules, you always made time for each other where you could fit it. The two of you relied on texts, facetime, and phone calls to stay in touch. You mostly texted throughout the day and called each other when you both had a free afternoon or night.

Thanksgiving break was coming up and you planned to go home to spend the entire long weekend with your family and Jake. You had been counting down the days for weeks. 

You had just got out of class for the day and you were texting Jake on the walk back to your dorm. The two of you planned a little Facetime dinner date for your anniversary. It wouldn’t be much, but it was all you could do. Besides, your roommate already had plans for the weekend to stay with her boyfriend, who went to school in Brooklyn, so you had the room to yourself.

Yellow, brown, and orange leaves blew through the fall air and crunched under your shoes as you walked. The sun was just about to set for the night and it left a golden hue in the sky. New York City in the fall was absolutely perfect. 

4:47 PM: I just got out of class. I’m gonna get food real quick so give me like ten minutes.

He replied instantly.

4:48 PM: Okay, talk to you soon my love.

Your heart skipped a beat for a second at his words. My love. 

You smiled at your phone as your heart filled with warmth. In just a few minutes, you’d be able to hear his voice. And in just a few weeks, you would be seeing him in real life. You could practically feel him already.

You looked up from your phone and continued down the sidewalk. You turned the corner to see your dorm building in the distance. 

As you got closer to your building, you reached down into your bag to find your key. When you looked back up, you saw someone leaning against the building in a denim jacket and a knitted hat with a red and black flannel shirt peeking out from underneath. It seemed to be a guy with wavy, shoulder length brown hair that fell from the hat. He was looking down at his phone.

There was no way. 

You had pictured his face on strangers in the city a million times. You did double takes at guys with long hair you passed in the streets. There was no way it was him. Your mind was playing tricks on you again.

But then you saw it. 

He put his head down and grabbed the back of his neck. It was that same little movement he always did when he was nervous.

Jake.

You started walking faster until you got closer to him. You spoke loud enough for him to hear. At the sound of your voice, his head shot up and a smile lit up his face instantly.

“What are you doing here?” you shouted. You barely even finished what you were saying when he picked you up off the ground and spun you around in his arms. 

He placed you down on the sidewalk and held your face in his palms. 

“Hi Baby,” he whispered, giving you the sweetest kiss on the lips. 

You broke away from him and looked at him in disbelief. He looked different that he had the last time you saw him. 

You grabbed his chin to feel stubble covering it. You held onto his hair and felt the new length of it at your fingertips. It was almost touching his shoulders at that point. It was almost like you were feeling to see if he was real or not. And he was. He was a little different. But he was real. And he was Jake. 

“How did you? When did you?” you asked, barely even able to form a full sentence.

“My flight landed at 2, I took a couple trains, walked around a little, got lost for a second, and then boom- found it,” he explained as he looked up at your building. 

“You did this for me? I’m coming home for Thanksgiving in two weeks!” you said, still in shock.

“I did it for us,” he smiled, “Plus, one year is a big deal. At least that's what my mom said.”

“Jacob Thomas Kiszka. You are unbelievable. You know that, right?” 

He raised his eyebrows, bit his bottom lip, smiled, and nodded.

“Happy one year anniversary, Y/N,” he said softly.

“Happy anniversary, Jake,” you replied.

He smiled at you softly before placing a gentle kiss on  your lips. His lips were soft and his kiss was sweet, just like they always were. 

You continued kissing him and the two of you deepened your kisses. You grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him in towards you. He pulled you in by your back. You kissed him hard, not even caring that you were in the middle of the sidewalk.

The feeling of his lips on yours after two months was like none other. It was like no time had passed between the two of you. As you kissed him, memories of every single kiss you shared with him flooded your brain.

The first kiss in his garage. 

The kiss in his car after the two of you made things official. 

The kiss in his bedroom on Christmas. 

The kiss in the snow when he told you he loved you. 

The kiss on the cliffside when you watched the stars. 

The kiss in the rain outside of the bar you went to see him play a show at. 

The kiss in the kitchen of his family's cabin on his birthday. 

The kiss right before you gave him your virginity.

Every. Single. One.

He pulled back after a moment and gave you one more softer kiss. 

“Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too,” you replied.

You stood there staring at each other for a moment until Jake broke the silence.

“So,” he said as he held his hands on the small of your back, pulling you in towards him slightly, “I’m here all weekend. Show me around.”

You grabbed his hand and pulled him into your building, now extra thankful your roommate had left for the weekend already. Both of you knew what your first activity together would be.

After you and Jake had a nice little reunion in your room, you took him out to see the city you’ve lived in for the past two months. You introduced him to your friends and showed him all your favorite places around the city. You got dirty water hot dogs, walked through Washington Square Park, and you showed him Times Square. It was just a bit more of the world you were seeing together. 

At night you took him to all the bars that didn’t card and he judged the bands that played 45 minute sets of cover songs. The two of you drank beer and took shots until your vision got blurry. As you drank more, he got handsy and you got giggly; and to be honest, neither of you minded one bit. 

After the last call, the two of you ventured back into the streets and stumbled back to your dorm to squeeze into your tiny twin sized bed, just like you used to do in his room back home. He laid on his back and you put your head on his chest. You lifted your leg up and hitched it over his hip. He pulled you close to him and swirled his fingers along the skin of your back until his hand got too tired and he fell asleep.

For the past two months, you fell asleep and woke up to the sounds of horns honking and sirens blasting outside your window. But that weekend, you fell asleep to the sounds of Jake’s heartbeat in his chest and woke up to the sounds of his soft snoring in your ear. For just a second, it took you back to Michigan, back home.

You laid awake as Jake slept next to you. You stared at the ceiling of your dorm room and then looked over at him.

You were in the middle of New York City. You were a completely insignificant piece of the universe. But you were in Jake’s arms- the safest place on earth. You weren't in Michigan. But you were with him. And with him, you were home.

But that didn’t happen, did it? No. 

“Hello?” your friend called out from the other side of the table you were sitting at in the library. She continued, “I said it’s November 1st. You asked what day it was and I said November 1st. Are you okay? You blanked out for a minute,”

“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine,” you stuttered.

You looked down at your school work on the table in front of you and let out a breath. You shook your head and rubbed your face for a second.

“Please tell me you’re still not thinking about your ex. What’s his name? J-”

“Jake,” you interrupted. 

She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.

“Today would have been our one year anniversary. That’s all,” you said quietly.

“Sorry,” she whispered. You could tell she felt bad about bringing it up.

“It’s okay. But, I’m, I’m gonna go back to my room. Be alone for a little,” 

She gave you a sympathetic smile and nodded, “Text me if you need anything,” 

“Thanks, I will,” you said as you got up and packed up your stuff. 

You exited the library and walked down the sidewalk back to your dorm building alone. You approached your building to be hit with the reality that he was not in fact standing outside, waiting for you. 

When you entered your room, you put your stuff down, threw on sweatpants, and got into your bed. You opened your phone and scrolled to the very first photo in your camera roll. The one photo you couldn’t bring yourself to delete. It was Jake, smiling a full toothed smile to the camera with his cheek smushed up next to yours. 

“Happy one year, Baby,” you whispered as you clicked the delete button.

The End

Author’s Note:

I originally published Amongst the Stars on January 19, 2022. It was the first fanfiction I’ve ever written. The original idea for this fic started off as a silly little imagine in a group chat and I never expected it to come to life as a full story. Thank you to that group chat. Thank you to Chelsea for the original edits and thank you to Delani for the title. Thank you to so many of my friends for always listening to my ideas, helping me continue the story, and yelling at me for breaking your hearts. 

As this year has gone on, I’ve written more fics and learned so much. I never thought writing would become a hobby for me but this fic really started it all. Amongst the Stars has been and always will be my baby. I wanted to do something special for the one year anniversary of it. In addition to that, looking back, I saw where improvements could have been made and I decided to make those changes to give ATS a full Princess Diaries style makeover. I compiled the original fic (with edits and additions), the deleted scenes (with some additions as well), new cover art, new extras that took a look inside Jake’s world, and the alternate anniversary ending to keep it all organized and close the world of ATS for good. I guess we can call this the “Deluxe Edition” if you will. 

This story will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you to anyone who has read it and has supported me along the way. Thank you to the friends I made because of this fic. And finally, thank you to Jake Kiszka and his emo phase. 

The story of ATS may be closed. But I never said anything about Josh and Sam’s first love stories closing. There’s small hints at the plots of their stories hidden within this story. Let me know if you find them!

As always, please let me know what you think in my ask or in the replies. Tell me all the parts you loved and the parts you may not have loved too! I want to hear everything you have to say! I love hearing opinions and feedback!

Playlist: 

(A fanfiction sponsored by Taylor Swift)

Train: Drops of Jupiter

Taylor Swift: You All Over Me

Taylor Swift: Sparks Fly

Taylor Swift: Back to December

Taylor Swift: You’re On Your Own, Kid

Taylor Swift: Invisible String

Taylor Swift: The Very First Night

Lizzy McAlpine: Apple Pie

Niall Horan: Still

Adele: All I Ask

Briston Maroney: Rose

One Direction: Night Changes

Stephen Stills: Love the One You’re With

Greta Van Fleet: Flower Power

Carrie Underwood: The Night Before (Life Goes On)

Goo Goo Dolls: Iris

Hozier: Like Real People Do

Boys Like Girls: Heels Over Head

High School Musical Three Cast: Right Here, Right Now

[oldiesstationlover11607]

Neighbours - Josh Dun x Reader

Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader and Tyler Joseph!Best Friend x Reader

Warnings: None! Super fluffy <3

A/N: This is my first writing post ever! This came from a writing prompt where the reader ends up with Tyler but I was having a Josh day when I wrote it so it's more focused on Josh! Hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated!!

It was early winter, two weeks from the end of the school term and our short winter break. Driving to and from school were some of my favorite moments during the week. I got to listen to anything I wanted as loud as I wanted to, which included some of my friends’ music. Parking outside the house, I got out and unlocked the door, letting my dog out. A small golden cockapoo who always jumped up on me whenever she saw me. 

“I missed you too Liberty,” I laughed and grabbed her leash, heading out to take her for a walk. My neighbor and classmate Josh always met me and took his dog Jim for a walk with us. Liberty led the way as we walked over to his house, but before we could knock on the door a white car drove past us. 

“Hey!” It was Josh, running late from school. Josh was almost never late but looking close at the car I noticed another boy was in the car, a basketball player in their year above us.

The car parked and Josh got out running over and giving Liberty a good cuddle. The other boy got out of the car, he was wearing a white basketball jersey with red writing on it, number 3. 

“Oh yeah, this is Tyler,” Josh turned back to look at the boy. Tyler. He gave me a shy wave. I’d heard about him through the grapevine, he was one of the best highschool basketball players in the region. 

“How did you guys meet each other?” I asked, knowing full well that Tyler was probably trying to use Josh for his grades. While Josh was considered cool by the jocks, he would never be seen hanging out with them. 

“Tyler came up to me in homeroom and showed me a demo he made a few weeks ago. He wanted me to play something on the kit for him.” Of course it was a music thing. Josh couldn’t pass up an opportunity to play music with people, even if the person was a jock. “I’ve actually got to set up the kit inside. Tyler, do you want to go around the block with y/n?” Tyler nodded and Josh went inside. 

“Josh has told me a lot about you,” Tyler looked forward at Liberty as she led the way. 

“Oh really?” I mutter. 

“Yep. He told me you hate jocks,” Tyler tugs on the collar of his jersey. Of course Josh told him that. It wasn’t that I hated jocks, I just didn’t trust them. Tyler was no exception. “You do know I only started playing basketball because I had no one to hang out with, right? I’ve always liked music. I’ve seen you and Josh hang out together at the music store before, you’re both so talented.” He was trying to make me like him. Tyler was a quiet boy. Yes, he was popular and a great sportsman but there was something different about him. Music was that something. Tyler wasn’t the tallest of the basketball players at our school, he didn’t have the average build, nor did he have the normal haircut of a basketball player. I’d seen him in middle school with grown out hair before he buzzed it off once he became a senior. The buzzcut worked for him, to some extent. 

“I’ve seen you too. You’re a good player Tyler, not that I care much about sports.” He laughed at that. We turned the block and started to walk back towards Josh’s house. I was alway tired the moment I got home from school. Josh and I normally talked out the day together, I wished he was there with me. 

“Thanks, y/n.” We turned into Josh’s driveway and I waved goodbye. 

After a couple months of Tyler spending Fridays and weekends at Josh’s place, we’d all become good friends. Even Tyler and I had spent some time alone, Tuesday lunchtimes we hung out in the library and worked on our projects together. 

“Y/n! You won’t believe this,” Josh ran into the library with Tyler following close behind. Josh had picked me up and spun me around in excitement. 

“What?” I laughed once I felt my feet back on the ground. This had to be good. Tyler had caught up to Josh and stood next to him with a smile on his face. They both stayed quiet. 

“What?” I urged further. 

“Do you want to tell her?” Josh turned to Tyler.

“Hmm, do you?” he responded. 

“Just tell me!” I laughed, shoving Josh away as he wrapped his arms around me once again. 

“We got a record deal,” Tyler beamed. 

“No. No way!” I looked up at Josh, who was still holding me and smiling down at me. “I told you Tyler, I told you you’re talented!” I could feel the happiness flowing through my veins. “What are we gonna do to celebrate?” 

“I’ve got work tonight but you and Ty should definitely do something together,” Josh suggested. Ty had a basketball game after school which would probably end around five and Josh started working at 4:30. The plan we’d made was for me to hang with both of them at different times that day and the next we’d all get together and listen to their tracks for their sophomore album. The perfect plan. We all sat down for lunch, hiding the food under the table so we’re not caught by the librarian, and worked on our assignments. 

“Wait, so are you guys going to drop out?” I asked Josh. Tyler was playing his game while Josh and I were sitting in his car. 

“I don’t think so. We’ll just record during the semester and then once we graduate we’ll probably tour,” he responded. Josh and I were sitting in the back seats, before we met Tyler that was where we ate lunch, in Josh’s car in the school parking lot. 

“I’d miss you if you went on tour Josh,” I sighed. He ran a hand through his curly hair and looked at me with a look I couldn’t entirely understand. “What?”

“You’re beautiful. You know that right?” I still didn’t understand what was going on. “Come here,” Josh opened his arms and I moved so I was sitting right next to him. “No matter what happens with this record deal, I will always be here for you. But I promised myself that if anything ever happened with my music I’d tell you how I really felt about you.” I stared blankly up at his hazel eyes. 

“I like you too,” I grinned before he could say anything, “if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have let you hug me like you do.” He let out a sigh of relief and rested his forehead against mine. 

“Good. I’m gonna kiss you now.” I nodded as he placed his lips gently against mine. They were soft, warm. He cupped my jaw and tilted my face up towards his so he could reach down and kiss me. I placed my hand around the back of his neck and tangled my fingers through his curls. He groaned when I pulled away, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” Me too Josh, me too. 

“Games over!” Tyler opened the passenger door to find us still cuddling in the back seat. 

“Did you win?” I asked, still leaning against Josh. 

“Yup,” Tyler grinned.

“Of course you did,” Josh laughed as we both got out of the car hugged, him sneaking a quick kiss on my shoulder. We’d agreed to wait till the next day to properly tell Tyler what was going on, let us enjoy it for a wee bit. Ty and I walked to his car, he threw his bag in the trunk and got in the driver’s seat. 

“Where you wanna go?” he asked, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“The lookout?” Tyler and I had our own spot in Columbus, a little lookout about 10 minutes away from school. Ty nodded and handed me the aux cord. 

“So, what was up with you and Josh?” He asked as I scrolled through my phone to play some music.

“Huh?”

“You guys were acting all funny in the backseat,” he raised an eyebrow. 

“No we weren’t.”

“Dude yes you were!” Tyler laughed, “I know he likes you Pip.” Damn it Josh! Of course you tell Tyler everything!

“He kissed me,” I had to bite my lip to avoid smiling like an idiot. 

“No!” Tyler reacted like a teenage girl, “I knew it!!” I nodded excitedly as we pulled into our usual spot. “I knew you guys would end up together.”

“Sure you did Ty. But you can’t tell him I told you because we were gonna wait till tomorrow to tell you.” 

“I can’t believe he held himself back from bragging to me,” he scoffed. Tyler’s reaction was better than I thought it would be. “I can’t wait till you guys name your son Tyler.”

“What?!”

//

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