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#thank you for the ask i am ALWAYS overjoyed to talk about music
anaalnathrakhs · 2 years
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13, 18, 41, 71, 97 for the unusual asks? :3
thank you beloved <3
13. any siblings?
nope! only child, to my equal dismay and relief
18. favorite tv show?
technically it's mlp:fim, for the sheer amount of time in my life that has been in some way related to it, because it's a damn good show and my first taste of fandom and yadda yadda yadda
but i feel like this is cheating since i've almost never watched an episode on actual tv
so if we're going by that metric and bypassing every tv show i have watched on my puter on a on-demand basis, my favorite tv show is law&order: svu. when my internet used to cut out around 11pm/midnight, i'd have nothing to do at night but watch tv so i had my path fucking memorized, and it always started by more or less three episodes of law&order that i'd catch in the middle and follow until they changed programs around 2 or 3 am. my favorite part of the evening because i love me a good copaganda crime drama. my favorite main character is the blonde lady with a gambling problem in the mid-to-late seasons i think.
off-topic but yeah, i liked this one
41. top 10 favorite songs
i'm going to forget too many of them oh god
uh
in no particular order
Come on Eileen - cover by Save Ferris cause i decided a few years ago that instead of hesitating when someone asks me my favorite songs i'd just say this one, because even if it might not be my forever number one favorite i still really love it (yes it's because of captain hoers
How We Kill Starts - by Shaka Ponk upbeat
Candy - by Robbie Williams also upbeat
Forward! - by Anaal Nathrakh listen despite it being my url i have to admit i don't listen to that much anaal nathrakh. but. this song. this song is so good.
Demon Speeding - by Rob Zombie because of course
Rattlesnake Shake - by Motley Crue because it's basically horny circus music and that's right up my alley
Six Shooter - by Coyote Kisses yeehaw
The Devil You Know - by Blues Saraceno yeehawx2 (honestly i really like most of the Blues Saraceno songs I've heard so this counts as a double entry for Devils Got You Beat, Skin 'Em Up, Kicking and Screaming, etc)
Legendary Enchanted Jetpack - specifically the Sozos version listen. i am boycotting their new releases, i stand by that. but that specific cover of this specific song............ speaks to my soul. with all the respect i have for winkler's vocals, legendary enchanted jetpack specifically was fucking made for sozos it's unreal.
Armata Strigoi - by Powerwolf but it's so difficult to pick, they have so many insane songs that i listen to all the time, i almost picked The Evil Made Me Do It, i almost picked We Drink Your Blood, i almost picked Incense and Iron, i almost picked Venom of Venus, i almost picked Mother Mary is a Bird of Prey, i almost picked Nighttime Rebel, i'm totally cheating the "10 songs" rule...
special mentions to La Danse de l'Ankou, Monster, Mr. Torture, Hypa Hypa, All Dolled Up, Disease, Metal Health (Bang Your Head), and i'll stop there before i reach ten as well
i eat through a lot of music every day even though i tend to replay the same songs so...
71. tea or coffee?
so this is embarrassing but i've never really drank coffee
i've been theoretically meaning to try but if it does make me hyper god knows i don't need to be hyper, and i'm a bit afraid of whatever it might say about my hypothetical adhd so.
but so far, i've hated every actual tea i've tasted (which isn't a lot, i'm sure if i tried some real, proper arabic mint tea it'd be a lot better, but kitchen tisanes are a no for me), and i like coffee-flavored and other caffeinated things, so i know which i'm betting on.
97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?
milk chocolate, obviously
i don't mind dark tbh, even the high percentage bitter ones i've tasted for the sake of the experience, but i'll pick milk over it any day, and i'll pick no chocolate at all over white chocolate any day as well
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universe-friday · 7 months
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EXCERPT #19:
Hello. I hope somebody is listening.
[…]
Old sport! Ah! I have such a story to tell you!
You must remember that Thalia is a DJ, right? Which is so cool! …Even if I don’t often visit clubs personally.
Well, we were hanging out again recently and she tells me she managed to book a gig as a supporting act!
I was so, so excited. I told her I was going to buy flowers, toss them on the stage as she gives her final bow, cheer the loudest, and be the biggest supporter in that crowd.
But when she told me when it was…Oh, old sport, I felt so bad when I had to tell her I was busy.
I apologised over and over. I reassured her over and over, that I will still be that biggest supporter… I’ll just have to give her the flowers after the show…
Being Thalia, she laughs and tells me not to stress so hard. Which, as she should know by now, is something I have no idea how to do.
I told her she was right. Because there would always be a next show, and maybe someday, even her headliner. It was only until I said that when she told me off…
[…]
When the day of the show came, I made sure to wish Thalia the best of luck when I could, before I set off on my own plans that day… To a concert!
This band that I have been obsessed with from day one, the first ever time they played at this carnival. Since that day, they have grown to be so much popular, so, of course, it gets harder day by day to talk to them.
Let me tell you, old sport, I would just talk their ears off… about how much their music has inspired me, how much it just lifts me up every time I listen to it. Never mind whenever the opportunity to hear them live strikes, I swear, I could ascend to heaven every time.
I’m lucky to get a good spot in the crowd, second or third row, though I remember when it used to be so easy to get barrier… I start to wonder if they ever remembered my face.
The lines dimmed and everyone starts screaming. It’s funny, old sport, how people scream at any small movements at concerts, knowing full well the main act doesn’t come on for another hour.
I’ve always enjoyed the openers for this band, as they choose artists they really enjoy personally, and they have an undoubtedly good taste in music.
Which is why I shouldn’t have been surprised when I saw a very familiar pink head of hair enter the stage…
I scream Thalia’s name in amongst the varied cheers from the crowd, and she looks up right at me. Her face reads of total confusion, as well as mine, yet we were equally as overjoyed as one another.
[…]
After Thalia’s set, I get a message from her. A rare occasion, as we both agree against trusting these forms of communication, since the City monitors it 24/7.
She tells me to meet her at the bar. Despite my good space in the crowd, I decided to head back to talk to her. Really, old sport, I wanted to tell her how good her set was. She really knew how to hype up a crowd.
Instead of talking, however, Thalia nods her head towards a door. Before I get to say anything, she’s already walked through.
As we walk down this hallway, I am asking Thalia so many questions.
‘How did you do this?’ and, ‘You know this is my favourite band, right?’ and, ‘How!?’
Yet, Thalia just stayed silent. The whole time we’re walking, I’m asking and asking, and only do I stop in my tracks when we make our way to the door at the end of the hallway.
The door lies halfway open, and within seconds, I saw them all.
The band I have adored for years, all sitting right in front of me. Even the drummer, my favourite in the group, was laying on the couch with his boyfriend; who himself is an infamous professional rugby player.
Thalia introduces me, but I have no clue what to say. I had so many questions, so many thoughts. Yet, all of them at once leave my head in that very moment.
As I muster up the courage, I eventually got to talk to them. Questions came back to me, and these were truly lovely people; who did recognise me!
I thanked Thalia for hours and hours after the gig. And yes, she did get her flowers.
[…]
If only I could find the right people to meet you again, February. I’d queue for hours to see you again. Wait at the stage door even just to see you in passing, to get a glimpse of you again…
Yet, I also have so many questions for you too, February. But when will we ever have the time to talk? I’m running out of time, even now…
♪ There’s nothing left for us anymore Why aren’t you listening? Why aren’t you listening to me? There’s nothing left. ♪
NOTE: as inspired by the week #4 prompts of february friday events as organised by @februaryfridayevents! this week's themes were minor characters / rarepairs / crossovers! so i decided to feature a certain band in this excerpt.... wonder who...!
thank you for joining and supporting the blog throughout the february friday festivities! and thank you to @februaryfridayevents for hosting! as always, i will be back again next week <3
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olivieblake · 1 year
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I just wanted to tell you that the atlas six and the atlas paradox made me have so many interesting conversations with my physics teacher about the things Libby does, how they would work and if they could work. It was delightful.
Slightly less delightful was a music teacher calling me a “physics girl” when I tried to explain the mechanics a few days later, but I digress.
This series has made me think about the mechanics of time, space and timespace in ways I never could’ve imagined. I even did my end of high school research project (it’s a Dutch thing) on black holes to keep talking about ripping a hole in timespace to travel through both time and space. Thank you so much and I hope you know the kind of impact your stories have.
Then the actual question, apologies for the rambling, how did you come up with the mechanics and the way physics is used in the atlas six and the atlas paradox? Was that just always kind of there or was it inspired by something specific?
this is very exciting to hear!!! I wrote the atlas six because mr blake, who is a physics teacher, asked me to write something that made science sexy, especially for my female readers. I think I have done a really excellent job, personally, and now deserve an A in marriage. I await my certificate in the mail
no but really, thank you, this is amazing and so rewarding to hear, and to answer your question, I read a lot about theoretical physics for my own personal curiosity (I technically wrote alone with you in the ether first, which has a time travel thing going on, and then after I grew my own hexagon theory I read a bunch of stuff about quantum theory and time and wrote atlas, and then I went back to AWYITE) and then for TAP, mr blake and I spent a very long time at the kitchen table discussing how I could make the ethical paradox work in addition to the theoretical science. mr blake is much more interested in mechanics than theory (I’m the reverse) and TAP is his favorite book of the series, largely because of how everything comes together at the end, which he and I worked out together. so thank you!! I am the best wife is basically what I’m hearing, so yay me. and also yay you! you go physics girl!!! I’m so proud of you and your research!!! truly overjoyed!!
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minevn · 1 year
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(I'm sorry for the mistakes) Are you okay? Sorry to intrude, but I hope your mental/physical state is ok and you are taking good care of yourself! (^-^*)/
Hi! It's okay, thank you for asking! I typically like to do asks in order, but I thought this would be a good ask to kind of get things out there and talk about what's been going on with me and Mine!
As for if I'm okay, I don't really know. I can't say I'm okay but I know that it could be a lot worse(because I've felt way lower then this before) I'm not really sure how to take care of myself other then repressing things but I am seeing a therapist and we've been talking about how to handle my emotions as they come. I do wish that I was able to see a therapist before my repressive coping habits took over but due to circumstances I'll get into later I just wasn't able to.
As for Mine stuff, I am still very slowly but surely working on my asks. I do have a few done but once again I like to answer my asks in order. Last night I thought it would also be smarter to do my asks backwards from how I've received them so that way I could just que them all up instead of writing the first ask I got and then lacking motivation and ideas for the later asks. I guess rn I'm going through a bit of writers block? I think it's that mixed with my extreme lack of motivation. As for my event, I have thought about lowering the number and then raising the numbers again for a later milestone! I tend to always put a lot on my plate and 50 requests may have been a bit more then what I could handle as of now. Another thing as well is that even though I love drawing, I don't draw super often. I get hit with random waves of motivation and it's very easy for me to lose that motivation. So I have the sketches mostly done for the drawing requests I've gotten, but if I have no motivation to draw then the drawings turn out looking wonky and just all wrong and then I'm no longer proud of them. I still plan on doing the events and I'm so sorry that my lack of motivation happened like as soon as I hit 100 followers, It doesn't feel fair to you all but I seriously cannot thank you enough for your continued support. Everyone has been so nice and no one has come into my dms rushing me with anything, seriously thank you all so much for that! Another thing as well is that Mine is not my only story, if you follow my main account I have most of my stories listed there and there's like over 50 stories. it's like that because I have so many ideas but once again I lose motivation so easily, and as mentioned earlier I like to put a lot on my plate, I don't like to just work on one story at a time and it causes me to get burnout which I'm sadly going through with Mine. I was answering asks nonstop when I got them, getting asks motivated me to get up out of bed, I was so happy and overjoyed to get asks, and don't get me wrong I still am! I love getting asks and seeing what ideas you want me to write for, although I was also overwhelmed at first, I had gotten so much support which I hadn't expected to ever. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to like my stuff but I was ready to still work on Mine because I work for ME. But I wasn't happy with how the sprites were turning out, I wasn't getting inspiration for any music soundtracks, and I'm struggling on the script, I've got Minato's week planned mostly but it just feels so BORING! He's the first route, it needs to drag you in a bit more. So far there's been like no yandere tendencies which sure maybe that fits for Minato, but I'm just not proud of it at all so I need to rewrite Minato's week planning. The more I wrote asks the more I felt disconnected to these characters, it felt like I wasn't writing them like I was before, which I tried telling myself that it was fine because when I first made this blog Mine hadn't even been in the process for a year and I thought we could go through developing these characters together, but it just didn't feel right. I also started to dislike their designs. I felt that I had designed more interesting characters before and they just felt so boring, I like their hair and faces, mainly clothes design is where it felt lacking. Jun, Aki, and Yani have the designs I like the best honestly, their clothes feel more intricate.
Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
I'm going to go a bit more in depth with things, sorry for the long post! You don't have to read what below if you don't want to, it mostly explains more of what's been happening with me, but I've also touched on a lot of my reasons for not posting above! Honestly I lot of it is venting, so please don't read if you're struggling with any below!
TW FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEATH, ABUSE(?), MENTAL ILLNESSES
So a couple years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I didn't really understand it, like it didn't feel like it's affected me that much but I've learned a lot more about it and can definitely see in which ways it has impacted me. When I started Mine I wasn't exactly in a high state of Mine but getting asks and seeing people like my work for once in my life really raised my moods, but I really struggle with staying happy. No matter how much I want happiness to stay, it always leaves. Right now I'm going through one of my lows. Honestly, I typically ignore my lows the best I can, It sometimes work and sometimes it doesn't, this is one of the times where I can't repress my feelings, and as mentioned earlier I do think a part of it is because I've been talking to my therapist about embracing the negative feeling, admit that I'm not happy and work through it instead of hiding it. Not that I blame my therapist, I'm really hoping that it works and I'm choosing to listen to my therapist because I want to get better, honestly I could've ignored everything she told me and kept repressing my feelings but I want to be happy so I'm really trying to embrace the fact that I'm not okay and work through it! I don't know how long this low will last, but when I get out of this low I want to work on Mine and get the same excited and happy feelings I had when I first started. Mine might go through some changes but overall I want these characters to have the same personalities and backstories, the only thing that might change with them is their clothes.
Along with my bipolar disorder, I've been diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features, anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Needless to say these all impact me greatly. The lack of motivation, struggling to get up out of bed or go to sleep at a normal time, and even eating and drinking and going to the bathroom. I've always found it easier to take care of others rather then myself because that's just how I was raised. To always put others above myself. As I've gotten older I realized that that's not how that should work, but it was already pushed into my brain and I still struggle to take care of myself. I'm always stressed, can't sleep right and I can't wake up before 5pm. Sometimes I'll sit in one spot, fidgeting while I wait for some motivation to strike. But I can't even think because of course when I think my mind never goes to good things. Thoughts about just wanting to give up(Which don't worry too much, I won't do it, even if the thoughts get to be too much), my repressed memories coming back, mom and her death and neglect before dying, dad and his temper tantrums, my grandma and how she's one of the only people in my life to care and love me, and how I wish I could talk to others easily but of course my mind gets fuzzy and I can't speak and how almost all of my friends have left me, how I feel defective and unlovable. The thoughts don't stop, every time it just gets worse and worse and I can't stop questioning what I did wrong and why no one wants to be my friend. People just use you and then toss you out when they're done and it's so cruel, I want someone who actually wants me in their life and who values me as much as I value them, someone who treats me like a person with actual feelings rather then a robot or an object. But it's so hard to find people like that, as I said there's a lot of cruel people out there and to those who aren't cruel I have a hard time trusting them due to past experiences and I know it's not fair to those kind people but gosh being vulnerable is so hard. And I know it's really early to question if I'll ever meet anyone I can trust 100% because I'm only 18 but gosh do I know about death, I know that death doesn't care about your age. I could die later tonight or sometime this week or next month or maybe I do die in many years, but then what about the people I meet and value, will they be taken away from me as well? Do I want to put my heart on the line just to end up losing them eventually? Could I handle another death? I don't know? I really don't, It already hurts to think about losing my sister and my bestest friend in the entire world, I'm already so lucky to have them in my life, what if I lose them too?
I'm going to start getting into things that I didn't get into earlier this post. I put it down here because it might be triggering and I didn't want anything too sensitive to be at the beginning, I want people to be able to skip this stuff for their own mental health. As mentioned earlier I wasn't able to get therapy for a bit because I didn't have a legal guardian. My mother passed when I was 11 and I've never met my biological dad. My sister I mentioned earlier is my half-sister(I call her sister cause it's easier and no matter what she's still my sister) and her dad took me in very shortly after my mother had passed(I won't be calling him my stepdad, once again because it's easier to just say dad and no matter what he's still my dad, no matter what grudges I have against him) Anyways I didn't have a legal guardian for 6 years, finally getting adopted in January. I had no insurance as well(Btw I don't blame my dad for any of this, he kept getting scammed by the shitty lawyer. So yeah I couldn't get therapy and well I learned how to repress my feelings because of my dad, because y'know he can throw tantrums and be angry and cry all he wants but god forbid someone else is angry or sad. Looking back at it though, mom played a part as well, she just neglected me and didn't give a shit and I learned that no one cares about me.
On a lighter note because gosh I need it. I don't plan on going until I get out all or most of my stories! But my stories have a lot of morbid themes and concepts. One because me too, but I still think it's important to touch on things I haven't been through because others might have and it's a morbid world. I want those people who feel alone in this world to feel seen and heard. Abuse does happen, death happens, suicide is very real, hate crimes happen every day and yet I feel people don't talk about it as much as they should. Like sure the topic will blow up, but after like a couple weeks or months, boom it's forgotten and that's just...wrong. I plan on making it very clear that the topics I write about in my stories are not meant to idolize or romanticize these topics or to make jokes at them, it's just that messed up things do happen. I know how it feels to be and feel alone, like no one will ever understand what you've been through, and I want my stories to be some kind of comfort for those people. I'll put clear disclaimers and tw's on my games and stories so those who don't want to witness that stuff can avoid it. I understand that as well! Like yeah the world is messed up but I already go through that and I don't want to see it in media and stuff, I've definitely been there too. I think I want my games to encourage people who might be struggling to not give up though! You see these characters go through something tough but they're still alive and they get there happy ending(Though not all of my stories have happy endings)
Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. If any of you are struggling with anything mentioned above, I hope you're able to get help, please don't give up, you're important! Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
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CONGRATS ON 1K LIKES POOKIE FMEKEKWKE Also I'm so sorry that between today and last night I've probably spammed your inbox thingy but I wanna do the matchup thing if it's okay with you!! Preferably romantic. My mbti is INTP-T, for hobbies I really like art, writing, reading, listening to music, swimming and doing mock trial. For art specifically I like making like,, paper cut out sculpture type things, like paper dolls and paper lanterns. Writing is obvious- I like reading romance novels and I dabble in classic literature but I am THEE biggest Gulliver's Travels hater. For music my taste is pretty diverse, I like ICP, cigarettes after sex, pierce the veil, my chem, Taylor swift, stuff like that. I like talking about a lot of stuff, I'll talk about whatever comes to mind, really. I really hate daylight savings time. I hate algebra in all forms. I hate onions and fish. For my personality I'm non-confrontational and I'm pretty anxious, jealous, and avoidant but I'm also very passionate. The thing that makes me different uhhhhhhhhhh my favorite chemical element is Erbium because it can be pink ^w^ I'm fine with being matched with anyone, criminal or not, man or woman, I don't have a preference! Something that I value on others is their ability to like,, atleast act like they care about what I'm yapping about 😭🙏 I can't stand being made fun of or harshly criticized I'll cry. IM SORRH THAT WAS SO LONG AHJSKWKDKWK ILY AND CONGRATS AGAIN!!!
EWOJRLKJRLRH I was so happy to get something from my inbox and then I saw you and I actually DIED OF HAPPINESS! thank you SO MUCH, and don't worry I love whenever you talk to me and I'll never be bothered by it <33 also, I cannot take criticism either. I'll get really defensive or I'll be absolutely heartbroken and will not recover from it for a LONG time, but it really depends on how I'm being made fun of.
I was between Chuuya, Kyoka, and Lucy. HOWEVER, I eventually decided on Kyoka.
Kyoka would happily indulge in your interests, and views it as her duty to keep you safe and happy. When you do small things to her, it makes her overjoyed. If you ever argue, she will do her best to become better for you. She's always trying to become better for you. She would help you get revenge if you asked, but is willing to change in any way. If you're made fun of badly, she would be really fucking angry because she knows how you don't respond well to that at all. You make her feel like less of a monster and for that, she would do anything for you. Say the word and she will do it. She doesn't really have much criticism for you, but if you wanted to overcome something she'd do her best to help you. She would try to soothe your worries and match what you need at the moment. Also, definitely the type to tell the waiter that you asked for no onions, and threaten them about what she will do if it happens again. You two would probably take care of a rabbit together and it would lay in one of your laps and you and Kyoka would eat tofu or crepes. Since she hates thunder, whenever there's a storm you'll read to her, and she'll listen to you talk about whatever you'd like. Seeing how passionate you are about things is something she loves, and so she will pay plenty of attention until it takes her mind off the lightning. She doesn't do much to make you jealous, and actively avoids doing anything that can cause those feelings. Her love language is acts of service, so she would definitely make it up to you if she messes up. If you mess up, she loves hydrangeas (this is actually canon), so you can get her a bouquet and physical affection. I imagine her liking receiving physical affection more than the other love languages because she has never received much from anyone else. It's something unique to the two of you. Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, you name it. She does deeply appreciate how loyal the two of you are to each other, though.
thank you so much for joining the event, Ray <333, there's no better person to send in the first request! :)
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stuffydollband · 11 months
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It’s Transgender Awareness Week and that happens to line up with a very special Day 10 of talking about my upcoming album, “Ganymede Gives Up The Ghost”!
Why’s it special, you ask? Well, some of you may recognize the illustration for today’s song. I’m truly overjoyed to announce that none other than comedian, writer, and all around nerd-stuff extraordinaire, Riley Silverman, has loaned her vocal talent to provide the voice of The Narrator!
“There’s a Narrator? But this is like a music album, right?” You ask.
Yes, it is! But I’m *theatrical* and *artsy*, so I wanted to amp up the drama for the narrative of Our Hero (don’t know who Our Hero is? Go check out the last few days of posts and learn more about her!)
I’m so tremendously honored to have the chance to work with Riley, who now holds the title of my first official collaboration, and I can’t thank her enough for being a part of such a personal and weird project. If you aren’t familiar with her, or even if you are, please check out “Strumpets and Flagons”, the thirsty-sword-lesbians TTRPG podcast she did last spring, and “Troubled Waters”, which is a podcast on the MaxFun network that she writes for (I know some of my fans are as big of MaxFun fans as I am!)
So, let’s gab about today’s song, shall we? Today’s song is called “All The Friends Fall Off”.
It’s a song about loneliness. About watching your social circle diminish as you get older, enumerating the people I’ve lost along the way and ruminating on how I lost them. Some for good reasons, some for bad reasons, some for ridiculous reasons. It’s about learning the lesson that you can’t hold onto everything, you can’t make everyone stay, but if you’re good and kind and keep trying, you’ll find new people who will love you, and who you’ll love in return.
Lyrically, I frame the lesson through a lens I’ve always used to connect with friends: music. I replay a few memories with references to songs that have tied me to other people. It’s a weird way of writing that simultaneously felt very foreign and very personal.
A preview of the lyrics:
“‘Game Shows Touch Our Lives’ by The Mountain Goats
You don’t like the cigarettes, they make you choke
I don’t want to move on, but that’s what I do
I just want to waste my time with you”
Let’s make this one fun: what’s the silliest reason you’ve lost a friendship over? I wanna hear about it!
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nightfang22 · 6 months
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The Norski and The Themby-Chapter Four
A/N:I truly hope that you're enjoying the series thus far and I'm overjoyed to continue it with you guys.A special thanks to @p34ch-tr33 for all the inspiration and drive that you continue to give me so I can do what I do.Enjoy!
Warnings:None
Word Count:2.4k
*BEEP BEEP BEEP* My alarm clock blared as I rolled over, slamming my fist down onto it. After efficiently shutting my alarm off, I rolled out of bed sighing. I am not a morning person by any means. I looked at the time. The clock read 5:00 a.m. Why do I always get up so early? Then I heard footsteps marching in the direction of the bathroom. My eyes widened as I hopped out of bed, sliding my slippers on and racing to the bathroom. Frost and I always fight over the shower in the mornings. I slid my way down the hall and into the bathroom just a split second before Frost could. "Stront!" ("Shit!") He cursed as he banged his fist against the door in defeat. I could barely hear his groans over the sound of my hard earned victory. Smirking to myself in the mirror, I put on a playlist that Tord had sent me. It was all Norski hip hop from what I could tell but I was kind of digging it. I stripped in the mirror, dancing as the music played. I started to feel a twinge in my thigh but I elected to ignore it. I hopped in the shower and turned the water on completely boiling. I liked my skin red or else I didn't feel clean. I wet my hair and scrubbed my body while humming along to the music. The pain and twitching in my thigh persisted but I, again, chose to ignore it as I wrapped a towel around me and stepped out of the shower. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair after blow drying it. Just as I was about to grab my phone to switch songs, my legs completely gave out. The twitching became violent and painful. I screamed with tears in my eyes because it hurt so bad. Frost started banging on the door. "Gaat het?" ("Are you okay?") His banging only persisted as the tears streamed down my cheeks. The door burst open and I saw Frost standing there with a panicked expression splayed across his usually calm features. He rushed to me and picked me up bridal style carrying me to my room. I couldn't talk because I was in so much pain. He sat me on my bed and I pointed to the outfit on my desk. He helped me get dressed and carried me downstairs for breakfast. Moeder and Papi were looking at us with confused expressions until it clicked in Papi's brain. He whispered something to Moeder and she nodded. She was about to say something when I interjected through gritted teeth. "I request that we speak in English until I get used to it please." She only nodded, setting down the plate of food she was holding. "Your legs gave out again, didn't they?" She asked. It was a rhetorical question but I nodded in response anyway. She sighed. "You have two options then. You can either stay home from school and band practice," Panic rose in my chest at the thought of that, "or you go to school and practice in your wheelchair." I bit my lip, looking at the chair in the corner. I only ever used my wheelchair when I absolutely needed it. See, I have CMT. Charcot Marie Tooth, a type of muscular dystrophy in my legs. I try my very best to keep it hidden but in times like these, it can be difficult. Sighing in defeat, I nodded. "Fine. I'll use the wheelchair." She nodded and went back to cooking. We had bacon, eggs, and toast for breakfast which I so graciously smothered in cinnamon sugar. "Oh, Tord still has my bike so he's giving me a ride to school today." Realization hit me like a bus when those words left my mouth. "And he absolutely cannot see me without working legs!" I cried out. Papi gave me a sympathetic glance as he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Paardebloem, I know that it can be difficult and kind of embarrassing but I promise, if this Tord kid is a true friend, he won't care. And if he does, I'll beat the absolute shit out of him." Papi chuckled at his own joke. His advice gave me some sort of comfort.
Frost silently finished his breakfast and kissed our parents goodbye. He side eyed me and muttered, "I'll see you at school, Lyric." My heart almost shattered. Frost never acts so coldly towards me, no matter the fight. I bit my lip and nodded, staring at my lap. Papi brought me my wheelchair and I pulled myself into it. He put my bag in my lap and pressed a kiss into my fluffy brown hair. "Have a good day, sweetheart." I smiled and nodded as I rolled toward the front door. I took a deep breath as I rolled outside to the driveway. Tord was leaning against the hood of his car, playing on his phone. He glanced up at me and did a double take. "Lyric! What happened?" He asked, worry evident in his voice. I gulped. This was going to be harder than I thought. "I'll explain on the way to school if that's alright with you?" I looked up into his silver eyes. He nodded quickly, picking me up out of my chair and setting me in the passenger's seat of his car. I squeaked in shock, clinging to him until I was on solid ground again. He put my wheelchair in the backseat of his car as I buckled in. My hands were shaking. I was more afraid than I had realized. We sat in silence for a moment as Tord drove us to school. I cleared my throat and rubbed my left thigh. "So, you're probably confused and/or repulsed by the fact that I kind of can't walk at the moment. See, I have CMT which is a type of muscular dystrophy that effects my legs so sometimes I can't walk or my legs muscles twitch. I understand if you don't want to be seen with me-" Tord cut me off with a chuckle. "Don't want to be seen with you? Why wouldn't I want to be seen with the coolest person ever?" He laughed lightly. It was almost infectious. He was right. I was being silly. Tord liked me for me, not just because I can walk. I smiled at him as we pulled to a stop behind the school. Tord pulled my wheelchair out for me and put me in it securely, handing me my bag. "Do you want me to push you or do you want to do it yourself?" He asked. I smiled at the kind offer but declined. I do this all the time. I've got this. We headed for the doors to the school, passing Frost on our way there. I waved and he simply glared at Tord. Tilting my head down slightly, I continued forward toward my locker. Tord helped me reach everything and he walked me to my first class. I waved goodbye as he winked at me. I blushed a pale pink as I rolled to my seat next to Tom. Tom looked at me with widened voids. "Wha-" I cut him off. "Muscular dystrophy. This happens sometimes." He nodded, noticing how I didn't really want to talk about it. Class went on quite uneventfully when a paper ball flew onto my desk just like yesterday. I smiled softly as I carefully unraveled the ball as not to tear it. 'I'm throwing a party this weekend because my parents are out of town. Would you like to come?' I giggled quietly as I scribbled a yes and quickly tossed it back. When it landed on my desk this time, his address was scrawled on it. I folded it neatly and slipped it into my bag.
 Once class was over, Tord met me at the door. Tom was behind me holding my bag. I told him that I could carry it but he insisted. Tord walked with Tom and I to my next class. There was the same group of girls that made fun of me yesterday for not being able to speak English properly standing next to a set of lockers, staring at us and whispering. They were pointing and laughing at me. The blonde wearing pink heels that I recognized as Caroline walked towards me. She "accidentally" spilled her iced latte all over me. She cackled and said, "Ooops. Sorry cripple." Tom growled and Tord looked like he was about to knock her lights out when I intervened. "Don't worry, guys. It's fine. Let's just go." I wiped the coffee off of my shirt while Tord pushed my wheelchair. I got to class with Tom and we parted ways with Tord. He ruffled my hair before saying his goodbyes and Tom led me in the classroom to our seats.
*Timeskip to after school*
I rolled to my locker with Tord in tow. He helped me put my things away and walked me to his car. "So, are you ready for band practice?" He asked. Band practice! It had completely slipped my mind up until now. I nodded excitedly. "What are we going to be working on?" I asked as he helped me into his car. "I've got a new song I really want to hear you sing." He said as he threw the gear shift into drive, speeding off towards his house. Once we arrived, he helped me into my wheelchair and opened up the garage. He grabbed some comfier clothes and went into the bathroom. I took this as an opportunity to just wheel around the room a bit, looking about. The walls were a beautiful scarlet color just like his bed sheets. His bed was messily made and thrown together just like any teenage boy. I wheeled over to his stage area and scoped it out. It was quite impressive. The bathroom door opened and Tord emerged in a grey V-neck t-shirt and black sweatpants. Even comfy, he was rather handsome. He tossed his dirty clothes lazily on the floor next to his hamper and I gasped. Rolling over to his hamper, I picked his clothes up and placed them inside. He chuckled while shaking his head at me, raking a hand through his golden caramel hair. "Okay, we're just waiting on Paul and Pat to get here and we can start. In the mean time, do you wanna play a game?" He looked over his shoulder at me as he pulled out a deck of cards. I tilted my head in curiosity. "What kind of game?" I asked. Waving the deck of cards in his hand, he said, "Suits? It's pretty simple. We can make it a little more interesting with a wager if you'd like?" I pondered the thought for a moment before eventually agreeing. "Okay, what will our wager be?" I asked, wheeling over to his bed as he pulled the garage door closed. He turned around with an evil smirk and chuckled darkly. "How about a game of Strip Suits? Each time you lose a hand, you lose an article of clothing?" I gulped. I could feel the scarlet blush dusting its way across my cheeks but I nodded anyway. I lifted myself from my chair onto his bed. I pulled my legs into a crossed position and placed my hands in my lap. Tord sat across from me and began shuffling the cards. "Okay, so the rules are simple. You get two cards. The first, you can look at but the second, you cannot. You hold the second one up for the other person to see. You judge based on your one viewable card and the other person's card if you have a winning hand or not. A pair is ideal. It beats everything. A suit is second when you have two cards of the same suit. And when you have two non matching cards of different suits, that's called a pig. If you both have a pig, high card wins. Got it?" I nodded my head. This seemed simple enough. Tord dealt the cards. I looked at my first card. A 10 of spades. This seemed like a pretty good card. I held up my second card and looked at Tord's. He was holding up a 4 of hearts. I think I got this one. "Okay, we're betting shirts first, yeah?" I nodded as the game began. "One, two, three!" We showed each other our cards. I had two tens and Tord have a 2 of hearts and a 4 of diamonds. "I guess I win, haha!" I giggled at my victory. Tord smirked and pulled his shirt over his head. It's like everything slowed down. His abs were chiseled out of diamonds. His V was incredible. I could feel myself salivating at the mere sight of the Norski. I coughed and took my second hand. It was a 9 of clubs. I looked at Tord's hand and he had a King of spades. Oh dear. "Shall we bet pants next?" I bit my lip and nodded along.
"One, two, three!" We revealed our cards and Tord had two kings while I had a 9 of clubs and a 2 of spades. I gulped as I pulled my skinny jeans off slowly. Tord never took his eyes off of me the entire time. The game went on like this for a long while until I was eventually in just my bra and panties. Tord was still only missing his shirt however. He set the cards aside and chuckled. "Well, well, well. I think I deserve something for winning, don't you think?" I bit my lip as he crawled on his hands and knees towards me. Before I knew it, he was above me with his hands on either side of my head and his legs between mine. He leaned in closely and began kissing my jawline. I could smell the scent of cigarettes mixed with his cologne. It was entrancing. He moved from my jaw to my neck, searching for my sweet spot. He eventually found it causing me to arch my back and mewl softly. I could feel his devilish grin on my shoulder as he bit down, sucking roughly. My eyes fluttered closed as my hands flew to his hair, tugging softly. Soft groans and moans slipped from my mouth as his hands roamed my body. I didn't think that it would happen like this. Just as his hand slid down my stomach, dipping into my underwear, the door opened. Paul and Patryk were joking and laughing until they saw the position we were in. My whole body froze.
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Hey, it's me again the consequence anon who talked about the power imbalance (I don't know if you remember me). I am so glad you continued the epilogue and I truly enjoyed it, the power struggle between Aemond and Alys you only quickly described with none of his power both situational and physical being a match to the 'truth' she confronted him with in his state but what really really stuck out to me and had me thinking days later was how he remembered her in this distorted way, showing just how little he knew of her.
How you described him thinking she could not read and write when such a large part of her characterisation came from her receiving and reacting to letters that served as a primary motivator in all her actions in the story (working at the red keep, staying there despite Aemonds abuse etc) just broke my heart more for her. All we really knew about her background and backstory came from her literacy, and Aemond not knowing that is so meaningful to me. In a way it is sad because it shows that everything she was to him was a projection (first of his desire then of his world view) but simultaneously him not knowing of it creates sort of a sanctity around it. He took so much from her, resulting in her death, but he could not take that connection to her home, he could not invade her true personality, and was never part of what truly made her who she was. It's a poor prize compared to the price she paid, but I am glad that was preserved, and a way that showed the limitations of Aemond.
This little detail is truly my favourite part of the story. Maybe I'm interpreting too much into it, but at the same time I'm always overjoyed when readers add to my stories.
Nevertheless thank you for writing this shattering story. I'm relieved to know that you didn't see it as a strain on your mental health to write such dark material. Thank you again, for creating such a layered masterpiece, and for breaking my heart in the process, for her and all women like her
Hello anon! nice to see you again! 😙
The reality is, a person of her situation and standing would have had no real need to read or write, and being a woman, there's no additional necessity for her to. She's either going to be married or working everyday of her life, so her not being able to read or write was something I wanted to inject into the story and I thought that Aemond wanting something more of her like a diary or something (something to hold on to while she herself isn't around) was a good opportunity for that. Aemond is only now realising how different their circumstances are, because at the time, when she was around, he didn't think about that at all. But now he's confronted with it, it's quite jarring for him.
Think I've said this in a few replies, but it does just emphasise Aemond knows bob all about this woman. He doesn't even really have the decency to ask either, because at the time when he's getting what he wants he doesn't care. If she is perceived as anything more than two-dimensional it would mean having to face her in a different perspective. And she dies very much in the same image as when he met her, just a quiet, pliant woman with little substance to her. When we know in reality this woman had friends, likes, dislikes, favourite dances, enjoyed music, laughed etc. She is a whole other person aside from the abuse suffered, and he has to come to terms with that after it's too late. I like your idea that the true part of her was preserved though, it's a really nice way of looking at it!
Thank YOU for reading it omg <3 I always love people's insights on this story, I worked really hard on it so nice to see, really 😙 ily
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woozi · 11 months
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my yzaaa!! hi!!
i'm so sorry it's been. seven whole months. i saw the news about dino solo and remembered in a rush that i hadn't responded to the last ask and - well. it's been months. apologies for being such a neglectful wife. i hope you've been well <3 are you excited for dolo (dino solo)!!!!
by the way. your new header is GORGE. the neon greens and the blacks... i love it omg. another slay from my darling beloved yza, you never miss.
dsfklhdsf last ask i said it would be studying nonstop til july and then. i failed to get into uni. so now i am retaking all those exams alas.
so last time we talked about the bss comeback! but now seventeen have had a comeback too! how did you find it omg? please do tell me your ranking, i am so curious. for me it's diamond days = back2back > monster > god of music = headliner > yawn > sos (which. idk i have some thoughts). what about you though!! which songs are your fav!! which songs surprised you!! which songs do you not like as much as you thought you might! i am dying to know!
speaking of the comeback. did you see that minghao is grey. he's slaying it so much that i want to die my hair grey now (as if i'm not already greying prematurely from my job lol) but idkkkk i am no the8 i don't know if i could slay it as well as he does. regardless. this is his ERA he is slaying so hard!
speaking of. i don't know if you know this but jun is pretty much no. 1 on my svt bias line. actually you probably know that, looking back on how we met haha. but i just want to say that i think he is SHINING this era like!!! idk i've been watching all the performances and he is making So Many expressions. i know i am talking about a 27yo man but he is so cute he is my little meow meow and i LOVE all his funky expressions. also idk i know carats like to meme it but i do love that he manages to be so unblinking sometimes like. king of eye contact tbh! god of eye contact, even! love that for him.
your life is going back to your pre-pandemic routine! is that still true (it has been seven months)? it's crazy how much the pandemic wrenched everyone's lives into such different things, honestly. how has it been, returning to your pre-pandemic routines? i hope you've been well?
sending you so much love and i hope you always have happy days! it is so nice to see you on my dash again btw! mwah <333 💗💗💗
your beloved wife,
honey <3
MY HONEY OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG OUGHHH AM I OVERJOYED TO SEE U!!!!!!!
FIRST OFF I MISSED U SAUR SAUR MUCH??????????? ALSO U DONT EVEN HAVE TO WORRY ABT REPLYING LATE 😤😤😤😤 in my heart we r like penpals and i'll always be here anyway 😋
the way dolo (dino solo) brought u back to me IM CRYINGGGGGGGGG he really is the gift that keeps on giving!! AND THANK YEWWWWWWWWW, i try i'm v honored 🥺
hoping ur exam results turn out better for u this time!! i hope you're not pressuring yourself into it too much though, i'm sure things will work out for you <3 i'm here whenever u need an ear!!
DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKING FOR A FRESHTEEN CBBBBBBBBBBBBBB?!!??! i know they heard our Cries for cock songs back then, but i'm glad they've come around their roots soundwise for this album, it's a nice breather!! also a refresher (shoutout to ms diamond days) to why i liked em sm </333
URE SO VALID ABT SOS FDJKDFJKFDKJ my ranking atm is GoM > back 2 back = monster = yawn > diamond days > headliner > sos (sorry the lyrics make me …. 🤨🤨🤨 jkdsfjsdkjkdskjds 😭😭😭 but it’s understandable eng is not their first language!!)
for the first few weeks i have listened the most to back 2 back tbh, i didnt expect to like her as much as i now do!! monster, on the other hand, was the song i was looking forward most to hearing (VERNON PRODS WILL ALWAYS BE 🔛🔝 FOR ME) and i like her dont get me wrong!!! but i was expecting to like her the most out of all the songs in the album. she's still really good though <3 HOW ABT U 👁👁 V CURIOUS ABT UR THOUGHTS ESP ABT SOS FJDKDFFDJK
NOT THE PREMATURE GRAYING 😭 ALSO IK?????????????? sumn really going on with him when he has The Mullet ngl
i still cb we went from u being an eyebag anon to my now wife all bc of silly mr jun <33 thank god for him and the svteenies LMAOO AND I AGREE SOOOOOOOO MUCH <33 it's really so good to see how he's gotten so confident at performing that he's able to add these cute little touches to every perf </3 WE NEED MORE JUN APPRECIATION ON THIS SITE AND IM SAUR SAUR GLAD U See Him
also true!! but now i have graduated so things are also very different 👁👄👁 but change really is good!! i just cb i miss school this much fjkdjdf i've actually been thinking abt post grad (med school specifically) so.... there Might be new changes w me again!! life's been a little crazy on my side that's why i was on hiatus since feb until just before the recent cb season, but it's honestly made me realize a lot of things that (hopefully) have helped me grow as a person!! HOW ABOUT UUU <33 WHAT HAVE U BEEN UP TO!! we really have a lot of catching up to do 😋
sending you an even bigger hug and giving u much strength!! i hope the days r increasingly kinder to u, and that u find little joys in every step of the way!! i'm really so happy to hear from u again 🥺 LOV U MWAH <3333333
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white-poppie · 3 years
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A/n: Merry Christmas everyone!!
(Ps I made the banner, so please don’t reuse it ♥)
Character: Kozume Kenma x G! n reader Source: Anime- Haikyu! Genre: Hurt-comfort Warnings: Self-hate Writer: @white-poppie
Recommended Music: https://open.spotify.com/track/7L8hkKW4hnemNfuOfEZcle?si=d220ccb4407843f1 (Epiphany by Jin from BTS)
(I really hope I do not get attacked for the song choice, if you don't like it, don't listen to it, but LOVE YOURSELF)
The following story is in first person POV to make it more realistic.
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"Love yourself for who you are."
Such a simple thing to say, yet a difficult thing to understand.
Wouldn't the world be such a better place if everyone was content in the way they are? Feel happy and loved in their own skin.
If you asked me a few years ago about my opinion on myself, maybe I would use neutral words such as: 'okay', 'fine', but what really went in my mind was different.
That was until I met you.
None of the clubs really suited me, I decided to become the manager of Nekoma. I was so not ready for my life to be changed.
Beautiful hair, soft skin. Erratic yet alluring behaviour. Gazing at you through those regal feline eyes. You were so perfect, yet so distant.
Kozume Kenma.
Tantalizing ways of concern as if seeing through my facade. You always made me nervous but in a good way.
"Manager why are you wearing full sleeves, its really hot today."
It made me perplexed. Why were you only talking to me when your teammates termed you as 'anti-social'.
"It might be because you have been playing, I feel cold."
Those eyes barely left me when I acted a bit out of character. After all, I am the manager; representator and caretaker of the team. I had to be confident!
"Yes sir, I understand I will do it!" "Forgive me for the late submission the team had a match!" One by one more and more responsibilities piled up on my shoulders.
"This is the last time you are getting an extension." "Is that difficult to be just a manager?" "Why are you falling behind in your studies?" "Try putting more effort into your appearance, this way no one will like you."
I felt as if the entire world was against me, trying to push me down.
Guess it was fate that brought you to me that day, sniffling, breaking down oh so vulnerably, hoping that no one would see me like this.
"Manager?" The practice was over, I was closing the gym, why were you still there?
"Yeah? Do you need something?"
"No, I just left my water bottle, are you okay?"
As sobs poured out of my mouth, unruly attempts to cover them made you more shocked.
"C-calm do-down."
"Please leave, "I stated rather firmly, causing you to flinch, I felt bad, but lord forbid you from telling anyone else.
"I will leave, don't worry I won't tell anyone."
From there you decided to show random acts of kindness, throwing a bottle for me that hit my head countless times. Dropping random sticky notes in my locker. It made me feel pathetic yet loved.
Days went by until I finally got back on track. A huge match was there the next day, everyone was stressed and one evening after practice when everyone was packing up, I sat beside you.
"Nervous?"
"A bit."
"You will do great, I have seen how much you have improved."
A tiny smile appeared on your face and I would pay thousands for you to smile again.
"Thank you."
"Listen up!" I shouted grabbing everyone's attention, "After the match let's go to a barbeque, treat is on me!"
Excited cheers erupted throughout the room.
"Are you sure?" you asked.
"Yes, I saved up my pocket money."
On the day of the match, everyone was super nervous. Scores on the nick.
5-6
10-12
23-24
27-25
Everyone was overjoyed by the victory! Happy tears of joy running down the team, coaches, me and even a few spectators.
I rushed towards the team congratulating them, as if on instinct I hugged you. The whole team became eerily silent, I pulled away in embarrassment, pretty sure that I made you uncomfortable until your hand wrapped around my wrist and I collided with your chest.
Kuroo-san looked overjoyed and Yaku-san looked dejected as if he had lost some kind of bet.
Me? I was elated. Flabbergasted. Flustered and I can put as many adjectives as I want to yet they won't be sufficient.
You see Kozume, it was at this moment I knew, I was in love with you. I wanted to see that smile every morning for the rest of our lives and hold that hand forever.
Perhaps loving you was what made me forget hating myself. The pure, unadulterated infatuation I felt for you was what made me continue living my life.
Thank you Kozume for everything.
I came down from the stage, you were crying, Kuroo-san had this huge smile on his face while the rest of the team cheered.
I twisted the ring that now bound us together, yes Kozume Kenma, yes. Ask me these vows 100 years from now and my answer would still be yes. I am proud to call you mine.
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〜 ➤Taglist: @denkis111, @grizzlygobbler9000, @jazzylove, @cloudsgathering, @maybeleftoverjourneys, @lordmypantsaresocool, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle, @kristaline2dmensimp, @sukxma
〜 ➤Be added to my tag list: TAGLIST (If the link doesn't work message me under this fic or personally to add you)
MASTERLIST
Love <3 @white-poppie™ on Tumblr
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atlabeth · 3 years
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transferred part 17 - atla smau
part 16 | masterlist | part 18 
summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know he’s falling for you as well. 
a/n: ahahah a ??? im sorry?? that this took so long?? as you know ive been dying of school and exams and even though ive gotten a couple oneshots out and did my celebration i just have not had the energy to write a whole mf chapter. but it’s here ! after a month of waiting
wc: 4.8k she is a LONG ONE FOLKS prepare yourselves
warning(s): cursing, alcohol and getting drunk, toxic relationships, mentions of cheating, implied emotional abuse, y/n having a breakdown, just an overall mess 
-
“Katara, don’t pull so hard!” You exclaimed, reaching a hand up to touch your scalp. You had entrusted your sister with styling your hair for the party tonight, but only after insistent nagging on her part. She had invited — or forced, as you liked to call it — you over to their dorm to get ready for the party that night together and do all kinds of girl talk. You figured this was a trap to get you to talk about you and Zuko, but it’s not like you would deny an opportunity to hang out with some of your favorite girls. 
“Sorry,” she chuckled. “Just think of it as retribution for all the times that you pulled my hair like this when you did my braids.” 
You rolled your eyes good-naturedly and glanced over at Toph and Suki who had already gotten ready but still lounging around the dorm to hang out. “So.” 
“So?” Suki repeated. 
“So when are the questions going to start?” You asked with a small laugh. “I appreciate the invite over here to get ready, but I know you all just wanted to ask me about what’s going with Zuko. So ask away.”
“What happened during that car ride—”
“Has he said anything to you since the kiss—”
“What’s going on at the tea shop—”
“Woah, woah! One question at a time!” you interrupted as they all started going on at the same time. “First off, nothing happened during the car ride. We worked out some miscommunications, and we’re all good. Second — yes, we’ve talked since the kiss, but there’s been nothing groundbreaking. And third, the only thing going on at the tea shop is the tea that we’re serving.”
Toph groaned and shook her head. “Are you serious? That’s so boring!”
“You’re telling me that nothing has happened in the couple of weeks since the kiss? Like, are you sure you’re not in a secret relationship with him and just neglecting to tell us?” Katara asked.
“There’s nothing going on,” you insisted. “As much as I want something to go on, I… haven't’ really said anything either.”
“What?” Suki cried. “You are crazy for him, how have you not tried to make something out of this yet?!”
“I don’t know!” you shot back defensively. “I guess I’m just scared that everything will go wrong.”
“Look,” Suki began as she took a seat on the floor in front of you. “You are kind, funny, gorgeous as hell, and an all around amazing person — and Zuko has it just as bad for you as you do for him! So embrace all of that, get out there tonight, and make a move!”
It had been too long since you had gotten a pep talk from Suki, and it was strangely refreshing. You nodded and sat up. “You know, you’re right! I have just… I’ve been sitting around, waiting for him to make a move because I’m too scared of getting rejected. But I am a delight! I am a lovely person, and I am a delight. Besides, we’re both adults! Even if he doesn’t like me the same way I do—”
“Which he does,” Toph interrupted, which earned her a joking glare.
“Even if he doesn’t like me the same way I do,” you repeated. “We’re still going to be friends. It’ll just be a couple awkward weeks, and then we’ll be back to normal.”
“That’s as close to the spirit as we’re gonna get!” Katara exclaimed as she gave you a high-five.
“It’s about time,” Toph joked as she hit you on the shoulder. “Now, are you gonna get ready or what?”
“Right,” you chuckled. “I did get this super cute dress a while ago that I haven’t gotten a chance to wear. I think it’ll be perfect for tonight.”
“What are you waiting for, girl?” Suki asked. “Show us!”
After showing off your dress, you had finished up the final touches of your makeup and gotten one last pep talk from all of your girls — you were feeling more confident than ever, and you were sure that tonight was the night you would tell Zuko how you felt.
-
Back at the apartment, the boys were going through a similar dilemma.
“Zuko, what are you so scared about?” Sokka was hanging upside down off of the couch, a move he must’ve picked up from his sister, as he questioned his friend.
“I don’t know, everything? She could reject me, she could start to hate me, I could ruin everything that we’ve built over the past few months— you know, it’s not even that bad, what we have right now! What’s the harm in just staying like this?”
“Zuko,” Aang groaned. “I get being cautious, but this is just too much! You’re letting your fears get in the way of you and Y/N being happy. You kissed her, right? And she kissed you back! I’m telling you, if you let her know how you feel tonight then everything will work out. Trust me!”
“Seriously, buddy — it’s just painful at this point. It’ll be kinda weird having one of my friends date my sister again, but somehow, you two being apart is worse. Just tell her already!”
“Okay!” Zuko exclaimed defensively. He finished doing his hair then ran his fingers through it, ruining his work completely. When Sokka gave him a weird look, he shrugged and smiled to himself a bit. “Y/N likes it this way.”
Sokka gestured at him in disbelief and shook his head. “This is exactly what I mean!”
“Okay!” he repeated. Zuko leaned against the kitchen island and nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell her how I feel tonight. After she’s gotten into the party a little, I’ll take her outside and I’ll tell her how I feel.”
“And then you’ll kiss and it’ll be happily ever after!” Aang crooned.
Sokka rolled off of the sofa and stood up, then picked up the car keys from the table. “Someone text the girls, because we’re leaving. I can’t deal with this anymore.”
“You’re gonna do great tonight, Zuko,” Aang reassured as he gave Zuko a pat on the back. “Just remember why you like her in the first place, and speak from the heart. She likes you, so as long as you’re you, things will go great.”
Zuko nodded and gave Aang a small smile. “Thanks. I hope you’re right.”
As the two of them followed Sokka out of the apartment, he took another deep breath and tried to psych himself up. He was sure that tonight was the night he would tell you how he felt.
-
The seven of you regrouped with each other where you would be spending the rest of the night — because a ton of students were expected to celebrate the end of the first semester, the party was being hosted in a warehouse that a couple of kids had rented out for the night. It was more extravagant than the first party you went to in every way — you could hear the music thumping from all the way down the street as you got out of the car.
“Do you think we beat them here?” Suki asked as she helped Toph out. Katara locked the car and looked around, shaking her head as she pointed down the street. Sokka, Aang, and Zuko were all walking up together, having parked a couple cars down.
“They beat us by a minute. Probably broke a hundred different traffic laws in the process.”
“You guys made it!” Aang exclaimed as he gave Katara a kiss on the cheek. “Sokka forced Zuko to let him drive here, said he’s too slow and that he wanted to beat you all.”
“Sounds like him,” Suki joked as she took Sokka’s hand. “You ready, Big Shot?”
“I’m always ready,” he grinned, earning a laugh from you and Katara. Your eyes fell on Zuko as he walked up and you smiled, already starting to feel your cheeks heating up.
“Wow, Y/N, you look…”
“Amazing?” you guessed coyly.
“Breathtaking,” he clarified, the beginnings of a smirk playing on his lips. You laughed and looped your arm through his, and the two of you began making your way towards the party.
The rest of the group shot each other looks that ranged from overjoyed to bewildered to confused. As they started to follow you, they realized that getting the two of you together might be easier than they thought.
-
It wasn’t hard to get into the spirit of the night once you got into the party. There had to be at least a couple hundred people there, but it didn’t take long for everyone to start breaking off into groups. Suki had roped you in karaoke while Aang had taken Zuko to meet some of his friends, giving Sokka, Katara, and Toph time to strategize before setting the plan in motion.
“Okay!” Katara shouted so she could be heard over all the noise. “I don’t think we’re actually gonna have to do that much tonight! Just.. keep him busy for a while and then give him an out, and we’ll do the same with Y/N!”
“Yeah, yeah, I know the whole plan. I made it up, remember?” Sokka wasn’t completely focused on the conversation at hand as his eyes darted around the scene, seemingly searching for something. His eyes suddenly lit up and he started to back away from their small group. “There he is! Sorry Katara, gotta go prove to a bunch of freshmen that they don’t know anything and I’m better than them. Aang can handle Zuko!” He grinned at her then ran off into the crowd before Katara could protest.
She sighed and turned to Toph. “Suki’s got Y/N occupied and Aang’s got Zuko, so it looks like it’s just you and me, Beifong. Whaddya wanna do?”
“You’re telling me you don’t want to see your sister embarrass herself with karaoke?” Toph asked.
Katara laughed and grabbed Toph’s hand as she started to lead them through the crowd. “You know what? That sounds perfect. After all the work we’ve done for her and Zuko, I think I deserve to laugh at her for a while.”
-
The first two hours of the party passed by quickly. You spent the first thirty minutes making a fool of yourself with Suki as you sang a couple classics on karaoke — though it was a bit humiliating, you had an amazing time. The second half of the hour went to the beer pong competition that Sokka’s friend Zhen had organized (they did end up winning, so you supposed his pride was well earned), and the next hour was dedicated to dancing, drinking, and letting loose. You had finished the first semester of your masters program, so you felt like you deserved it.
You had stolen away to an emptier corner to give yourself a breather as well as some alone time — you were enjoying yourself, but it was close to claustrophobic in the heat of it all. You were passing the time on your phone when you heard a familiar voice call your name. Your eyes immediately shot up as you tucked your phone into your purse, and you were met with your favorite pair of golden eyes.
“Hey,” Zuko breathed, taking a second to straighten his ruffled clothes. You couldn’t help the smile that played on your lips as you ran a hand through his hair to muss it up even further.
“Hey yourself,” you laughed. “What’s so important that you had to run all the way over here?”
“I have something I need to tell you. It actually is really important, but I think it’d go over better if we weren’t in the middle of all this chaos.”
You would be lying if you said that didn’t make your heart beat a little faster, and as you felt your cheeks heat up you realized that this was your chance. “Uh, yeah. Sure, totally— I actually have something I need to tell you, so that’s perfect!”
“Really?”
“Guess we’re just in tune.”
Zuko smiled as he took your hand and started to lead you through the crowd, but when you heard someone calling your name you froze. The blood in your veins turned to ice, and your grip on Zuko’s hand tightened. He shot you a questioning look but you didn’t even see it.
“No,” you muttered, barely legible. “No, not here.”
You almost didn’t want to turn around to confirm your suspicions. You could’ve ignored it, pretended like you didn’t hear it over the sounds of the party, but there was a voice nagging in your head that you couldn’t just ignore it, you had to find out if he was really, truly here — so you did.
You wanted nothing more to be wrong in that moment — honestly, you thought that you were hallucinating at first. You hadn’t had that much to drink, but maybe the alcohol combined with the sleep deprivation was making you see things. Unfortunately, it was real. You could never forget those eyes.
“Hahn,” you mumbled, the sight taking a moment to register. “Hahn, what the hell are you doing here?”
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m here to party, and I’m here to see you.” The grin on his face didn’t waver as he looked you up and down, choosing to ignore the blatant shock on your face.
“You are not here to see me,” you clarified coolly. “We’re not together anymore, and ex-boyfriends don’t make hour-long drives to see their ex-girlfriends, especially ex-girlfriends that they treated like trash.”
“I figured you’d be more happy to see me than this,” he huffed. “Ungrateful as usual.” Hahn seemed to finally notice Zuko and scoffed as he looked at him. “What, is he your new boyfriend? You really downgraded.”
“You have no right to talk to her like that—” Zuko stepped forward to say more but you held out your hand to stop him. You gave him a short nod and stepped forward yourself.
“Hahn, I’m going to ask you one more time.” You could feel your hands shaking, whether it was from rage or fear you didn’t know. Your voice was deadly calm, but it was taking all of your energy to stay that way. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Hahn laughed and crossed his arms. “You’re joking right?” His amusement was a notion that you didn’t share, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably before he continued. “You wouldn’t answer my texts, and you obviously still want me after the things you sent me. My brother had a game here and I came along to see him, so I figured I would pay you a visit as well. You never really officially broke up with me, y’know. Are you really going to let three years go down the drain because of one little incident?”
Now it was your turn to laugh — it was from pure disbelief rather than amusement, though. “Are you serious? Hahn, I left you! I walked out, I moved out, I transferred universities to get away from you! Are you really so dense that you still think you stand a chance based off of some drunk texts?”
“Woah, you think you’re giving me a chance? Y/N/N, this is my olive branch to you — I messed up, I know I did, but that doesn’t mean we can’t fix things up! I could have any girl I wanted back at Kyoshi, but I’m here because I want you — I love you, babe. You know I do.”
“You don’t get to call her ‘babe’,” Zuko snapped. “She doesn’t want you here, so why don’t you just save yourself some trouble and get out of here?”
Hahn snorted and shook his head. “Stay out of this, fireboy. Y/N’s a big girl, she can speak for herself.”
You looked around and saw that a modest crowd was forming around the three of you, and more than a few people were filming. If you didn’t want your relationship problems to become BSSU news, you had to defuse this as soon as possible.
“Listen,” you interrupted. “Zuko’s right, Hahn. It was a mistake to come here — if you’re as smart as you always say, then you would know that. Just.. go home.”
Hahn scoffed as if he couldn’t believe what you were saying. “No, you listen. I’m trying to do you a favor here, Y/N! I made one mistake, and apparently that was enough to ruin everything we had.”
“You know just as well as I do that it wasn’t one mistake!” you cried. “If you can really get any other girl you want, then do it! I mean, that wasn’t a problem for you during our relationship, so I don’t see why it’s a problem now. We’re not getting back together, so just stop!”
“It’s him, isn’t it?” he sneered as he gave Zuko another onceover. “He’s the reason you’re acting like this. I never thought that you would sink so low, but you’ve clearly gone soft. Come on, stop acting like a baby and we can talk this out alone.”
He started to reach for your hand but you pulled it back, and before you knew what you were doing, you had handed your drink to Zuko and your fist was flying right at Hahn’s face. It hurt like hell, but the pure satisfaction from seeing his shock as he recoiled was a painkiller on its own.
“How’s that for soft?” you spat as you rubbed your injured knuckles.
“You.. you bitch!” he yelled, staggering back a few feet as he put his hand over his nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding. “This is how you repay me after everything? You should be thankful I’m giving you another chance—” he started to reach for you again, but you slapped his hand away. You cast a glance back at Zuko and saw that he had been joined by Sokka and Katara, and knowing that they were with you made all the difference.
“I don’t want another chance!” you shouted. “You are the one that fucked up, you are the one that made my life hell, and you are not the one that gets to give out second chances! I gave you so many chances, and you messed up every single one! Hahn, I never want to see you again. And if you ever try something like this again, if you ever even try and talk to me again, I will do something so much worse. Now do the smart thing and get out!”
You gave him one hard shove to the chest then turned on your heel and ran. It was the coward’s move, you knew it was, but you couldn’t be there anymore. Tears blurred your vision as you pushed through the crowd to get to the back door, heaving shaky breaths once you finally made it outside. You could hear familiar voices yelling and felt the slightest tinge of joy knowing that your younger siblings were giving Hahn hell.
You leaned against the side of the building, pressing the heels of your hands against your forehead to try and stop yourself from having a full on breakdown. You started to count backwards from twenty in your head as your eyes scanned the area for something, anything, to ground you. It helped in the sense that you weren’t about to lose it right then and there, but you were still on the brink. You slid down the wall into a sitting position and hugged your knees to your chest, the tears finally falling.
This was your university, this was your night, this was for you to make new memories and end your first semester, but like everything else he had come in and ruined it. You had no idea how he even found you, how he knew you would even be here, but it scared you.
“Should’ve blocked you as soon as you… fucking asshole… can’t believe..” you mumbled incoherently as you pulled your phone out with shaky hands, blocking and deleting his number. You dropped your phone in your lap and then put your head in your hands, still trying to process everything that happened. You didn’t even look up when you heard someone coming outside, but somehow you immediately knew who it was.
“Hey, Y/N.. Are you.. okay?” Zuko’s voice was full of sympathy but also caution, as if you were a delicate flower you didn’t want to tear.
“Do I look okay, Zuko?” Your words came out much more aggressive than you wanted them to, and you bit your lip. You had always expected his kindness to be a double-edged sword, something he used just to get something from you, but it never was. Not even once. It made sense after what he told you, and it just made him an even better person in your eyes.
“I’m sorry,” you sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just.. not. Not in the slightest. Hahn was the last person I expected to see tonight.”
Zuko moved over and sat down against the wall with you then hovered his hand above yours, giving you a chance to pull away. When you didn’t move, he set his hand on yours, filling you with the comforting warmth that you missed.
“You don’t need to apologize. What he did was fucked up.” He cracked a small smile. “Punching him was pretty badass though.”
You wiped a tear away and let out a soft laugh. “It was about time I stood up for myself. Our whole relationship was built off of this sick power dynamic that he loved to wield over me. Things were fine for the first few months, of course. He had this douchebag reputation on campus, but I believed that I could change him, that I could be the one to make him settle down, and— and it felt like I had at first! He was the sweetest guy, and he always brought me things and took me out on dates and it was just- it was just a dream. But I should’ve known he was using me. He had never changed, he had just gotten better at hiding those parts of himself.”
“I had zero sense of self worth and he used that. Told me that if I broke up with him I would never find anyone better, always convincing me that I was the one in the wrong, that if I wasn’t so dramatic then we wouldn’t have all these arguments. And the worst thing about it? I believed him. I believed him every time.” Your voice cracked on your last sentence and you could feel yourself getting choked up again. You swallowed hard and tried your best to push your emotions back down. “I was so terrified that he was right, that I would end up alone if I broke up with him, that I stayed. And that was our relationship for the past three years — built off of fear and manipulation.”
“A lot of people wonder why I transferred here. Sure, I did it for my masters, but Kyoshi has a perfectly fine program. I had already established my life there, I had an apartment, lots of friends, and yeah, I was going to go through with it. I was going to get my masters back there, but I… I did it because of him. I left because of Hahn.”
“Y/N. What did he do?” There was a dangerous undertone to his words, and you placed your intertwined hands on his knee. You didn’t want him to do something he would regret, and more selfishly, you needed him here right now.
You closed your eyes and let the question hang in the air for a moment. You hadn’t told anyone the truth of how your relationship ended with Hahn, and this wasn’t how you had pictured telling Zuko. If you were being honest, you didn’t think you would ever tell him — but he deserved to know.
“He cheated.” You said the words so easily, so simply that you almost shocked yourself. It shocked Zuko too; you could see his eyes widen slightly from your peripherals.
“Yeah. He cheated on me. That’s how things ended. After everything I put into that relationship, everything I did for him, everything he took from me… I still wasn’t enough for him. I got home from class one day to find him in bed with another girl, and… that was it. Something inside me just snapped. That was my moment of clarity — no yelling, no crying, no… anything. I just left. A friend let me crash at her place, and that night I started the process of transferring here. I made a promise to myself that I would never let someone like Hahn in again, and… well, now we’re here.” You laughed humorlessly and wiped a tear from your eye.
It was like the breath had been stolen from Zuko’s chest. He had never fully understood why you were so reluctant to open up to people, but this explained it. You weren’t someone who gave out love freely, but you had to Hahn — and the way he had treated that love made him sick. He had ingrained in you the ideal that you couldn’t be loved, only tolerated, and that was why you had such a hard time accepting help from anyone. The thought alone made him want to find Hahn and get him back for everything he had done to you. The only thing stopping him was that he didn’t want to leave you alone.
“Y/N,” he muttered. “I had no idea. Katara and Sokka didn’t even know.. Why did you hold all of this in?”
“Because I was scared, Zuko! I got myself into this mess with a stupid boy that everyone had warned me about, so I felt like I had to get myself out. Even when things took a turn for the worse, I felt like I couldn’t involve anyone else because it was my fault. It was my fault for trusting someone like him, it was my fault for believing all of his lies, it was my fault for not being good enough. And even after everything he did to me, a part of me still missed him.” You let out a laugh that was a touch unhinged. “There’s something seriously wrong with me.”
“Y/N, look at me.” You tore your eyes up from the ground and at Zuko — his golden irises looked the same as the first time you met him and it was oddly comforting.
“There is nothing wrong with you. Okay? And I know it’s easier said than done, believe me, I know, but you don’t need to be scared. I understand why you were so hesitant to share what happened with Hahn, but you don’t need to be. I don’t know how much weight my words have, but I want you to know that you can always tell me what is happening with you. Whether it’s a life changing event or just what you did that morning, I’ll listen to you. You aren’t alone, Y/N, because I’m here for you. I always will be.”
Your eyes widened with surprise as you stared into his own. This was the most sincere you had ever seen Zuko, even more than the night he told you about his life. There was a nagging voice in the back of your head telling you to kiss him, feel that warmth again, forget about what had happened for just a moment.
But as the familiar prick of incoming tears returned, you knew you couldn’t. You were drunk, on the verge of a complete breakdown, and anything that happened between you tonight would be tainted with the memory of Hahn. So with a concentrated effort, you tore your eyes away from his and swallowed, your throat dry and scratchy from the screaming match you had gotten yourself into.
“I don’t think I can spend another minute here. I hate to ask, but.. can you take me home?” you asked quietly. “You might not be able to tell, but I’m not in a state to do anything right now.”
“Of course.” You gave his hand another squeeze to let him know that he hadn’t overstepped, and stood up. The two of you began the walk back to the car and Zuko let go of your hand, shifting so that he could instead wrap his arm around your back. You smiled softly and leaned your head against his shoulder, the gesture a welcome comfort.
“Thank you,” you whispered. He squeezed your shoulder softly in response, a silent notion that said everything he couldn’t.
Tonight had been a wreck, that much was certain. Your past had resurged in the most painful way possible, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to get through it alone.
But you weren’t alone this time. You had Zuko.
And with Zuko by your side… you knew you would be okay.
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bqstqnbruin · 3 years
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Always be my plus one
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Here we go, y'all. We're ignoring that it's 3:30 in the morning but I'm just yeeting the first part of this into the wild and hoping it goes well. Ignore typos, we all know that everything I post is a first draft.
I need to thank @hockeywocs, @chara-hugs, and @zinka8 (WHY CAN't I TAG YOU) and all the anons who have come into my ask box to help me with this! ily all!
WARNING: some description of child birth
Hope you like it!
Series masterlist
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Part 1: Christmas Day and the day after Christmas
The name for Christmas comes from the shortening of “Christ’s Mass,” a traditionally Christian holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ to the Virgin Mary and Joseph in a manger in Bethlehem. Although the exact date of his birthday is unknown, around the fourth century the Catholic church fixed the date of this celebration to be December 25th. Other religions and belief systems have similar celebrations around the same time, such as the Winter Solstice, or Midwinter. Celebrations include a mixture of pre-Christian, Christian, and non-secular traditions, such as gift giving, completing an Advent Calendar or Advent Wreath, Christmas music, church services, a special meal with family and loved ones, Christmas trees, lights, nativity scenes, and Santa Claus to name a few.
The day after Christmas, known as Boxing Day in some European countries, is traditionally known as a shopping holiday. In America, this is typically the day when people start to return any unwanted Christmas gifts, stock up for next Christmas on items that are marked down on sale, or see friends that they hadn’t been able to see before Christmas.
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December 21, 2021
“One fifteen means fifteen minutes before I have to clock in. Fifteen minutes before a twelve-hour shift that I’m not ready for and don’t have enough caffeine for,” Anne muttered to herself, staring at her reflection through her car's rearview mirror. “But, fifteen minutes before getting to do something that I thankfully love, something that I enjoy doing.” No matter how long the shift in front of her, Anne had developed a habit of giving herself a pep talk before she got out of her car. “Whatever happens, you’ve helped someone.”
The last part wasn’t always true, knowing that there was the possibility that something could go wrong that she and the other nurses and doctors wouldn’t be able to fix. Lying to herself that everything was going to be ok was the only want to convince herself to go into the hospital every day. Finally mustering up enough courage to get out of her car, she grabs her bag from the backseat, heading in for yet another long day right before the Christmas holiday.
The maternity ward where Anne worked never ceased to be hectic, the miracle of life happening at least once an hour. No matter how much Anne had studied in nursing school, nothing could have prepared her for the stress that could come from the job, the long hours, the potential for something so right to turn so wrong in a minute, the way nothing can go planned since the baby dictated all, the mess that comes with every birth, or the joy that results from a former patient sending her the occasional picture of a baby she helped deliver as they’re growing up.
“Hey, Tyson, come on!” comes from inside the open doors of the building, Anne not paying attention to who it was coming from, causing her to collide with a stranger, spilling her much-needed coffee all over the both of them.
“Shit,” she says, not looking up from the brown splatter on what should be mint green scrubs. “I am so sorry.”
Standing in front of her was a curly-haired boy, about her age, wearing what she was sure was a Colorado hockey jersey. Beyond that, she had no idea. “No, no, it’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Let me buy you another,” he offers, ignoring the persistent calls from his friends to hurry up.
Anne checks her watch: 1:19. “It’s ok. I don’t really have the time, I have to clock in in eleven minutes, and knowing the cafeteria or the vending machines, it would take a lot longer,” she says, trying to get by him. Before he can protest, she gets to the elevator that would bring her to her floor, thankful that it was ready to get her there without her having to wait. The doors start to close, only to be stopped by a hand stuck through them, the curly-haired boy with the coffee stain down the front of him getting on the elevator with her. Anne gives him a confused look, begging him to explain why he was trying to make her late for her shift.
“If you aren’t going to let me buy you one now to make up for it, at least let me see where you work so I can drop one off for you.”
Anne rolls her eyes, unamused by the man in front of her as he attempts to flirt with her. “That would be nice, but the chances of me getting it before it goes cold are slim to none, so you need to suggest something else if you really want to buy me a coffee.”
“Let me get your number so I can buy you one when you aren’t working?” he asks, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. 1:25. “I’m Tyson, by the way.”
The elevator dings, signaling that they were on Anne’s floor, opening the door to nurses and doctors running around, expectant fathers who were probably kicked out of the delivery room for making the mom too nervous pacing the halls, grandparents trying to control younger children who had little to no idea what was going on as they waited in the strange building. Anne walks to the backroom to drop her stuff off and clock in, typing her information into the stranger’s phone as he followed her like a puppy, his friend’s texts coming across the top of his screen asking where he went so they could leave.
“I’m Anne, and I’ve got to go,” she tells him, handing back his phone. There was no way he was going to text her, and it’s not like the coffee was that big of a deal to him. She could go to the vending machine down the hall and grab one during her break, or have someone else on their break do it for her if she needed it sooner.
“Can’t wait for our coffee date, Anne,” he says, winking at her before shoving his hands in his pockets and sauntering back down the hallway.
“Who is he?” her coworker, Jess asked, popping up out of nowhere. “He’s hot.”
“In more ways than one, apparently,” Anne jokes, “he’s also wearing my hot coffee on his shirt.”
“You didn’t,” Jess scolds her, turning her around to see the coffee that was spilled down Anne’s own outfit, knowing Anne’s tendency to be a little absent-minded as she gets wrapped up in her own thoughts. “Anne, you did.”
“Not on purpose!”
“DeFormicola?” Anne’s supervisor, Jackson, pops his head into the room just as she was clocking in, “We need you in room 414.”
“Saved by the bell,” Anne teases, walking down the hall to where all the noise was coming from, trying to throw on the appropriate clothing before she went into the room, struggling to get the gloves on as she entered.
“Ok, Erin, we’re going to need you to push,” one of the doctors says, Anne standing behind him as she watched the baby’s head crowning.
This was her favorite part of the job, helping the mother stay calm and trying to make sure that despite the child coming out of her, she was as comfortable as possible. Normally, she would be with the mom as soon as she came in, Erin clearly nervous as to what was going on. They had to be first-time parents, the dad going back and forth to Erin’s side and behind the doctor, looking mortified each time and clearly regretting what he was seeing.
“It’s a boy!” the doctor says, handing the new baby to a breathless Erin.
“A boy! A boy!” the dad yells, going out to the hallway, Erin clearly unamused by whatever antics he was going about.
“Don’t worry, he’s not the first one to do that,” Anne reassures her, knowing that something like that would happen at least five more times during her shift, hearing the father’s voice repeating the phrase. “I’m going to get him cleaned up and then get him right back to you, ok?” Anne asks, reaching for the baby as everyone else around her tries to clean everything else up.
“Be careful with him,” Erin warns, not meaning anything bad by it. She was definitely a first time mother.
“I will be,” Anne tells her, feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket as she does. “So you have a name picked out yet?”
“We were thinking Matthew.”
Anne turns her head, smiling at Erin. “That’s a good name. My older brother is named Matthew.”
Erin smiles at her, the father finally coming back in, clearly overjoyed by the birth of their new baby. Anne hands him back to his parents, Matthew screaming his head off as they get wheeled into another room.
Anne goes over to the desk, sitting down where she was supposed to be for the start of her shift to do paperwork, but the uncertainty in the hour by hour of the schedule was not surprising. She pulls out her phone, ‘Maybe: Tyson’ coming up across her screen.
“He’s already texting me,” she alerts Jess whose head whips away from her computer to look over Anne’s shoulder at what message the mystery man could have sent her.
“He’s horny.”
“Jessica!” she squeals, wishing she was more shocked by what her friend had said. “Why is that always your first reaction to a boy sending a message?”
She shrugs, swiveling back to her own computer, “I’m normally right. What’s he saying?”
“He wants to know when he can buy me coffee.”
“Horny.”
“Enough.”
“You should date him.”
Anne turns to her, clearly unamused by Jess’s need to continue the conversation. “I don’t have to date anyone.”
Jess lets out a long sigh, Anne knowing that she was rolling her eyes. “I’m not saying you have to, I’m saying you should.”
“Ok, I don’t want to date anyone.”
“Oh, come on Anne,” Jess says, getting up and plopping herself on the desk in front of Anne, fiddling with the wire connecting the mouse to the rest of the computer. “You work in a maternity ward where people become parents every day, and you haven’t even thought of finding a man?”
“You don’t have a point,” Anne tells her, not making eye contact with her.
“My point,” Jess says, leaning over to block Anne’s view of her computer screen, “is that you can’t be single forever.”
“Says who?”
“Didn’t you tell me that you were named after the patron saint of the town your grandmothers were from?”
Anne rolls her eyes, knowing where this was going. It was going in the same direction that this conversation always went in when she had it with her mom every single holiday. “All four of us are named after the patron saints of the towns our grandparents are from.”
“St. Anne is the patron saint of child care, grandparents and mothers.”
“She’s also that patron saint of unmarried women, so your argument is invalid, as usual.”
Jess takes in a breath to say something, cut off by Jackson calling for Jess to go into one of the delivery rooms. “Just don’t say no because you think you have to be single,” she advises as she walks away.
Anne leans back in the chair, rubbing her hands over her face. “This is how Christmas is going to go, isn’t it?” she asks herself.
=============
December 25, 2021
The number of cars lining her parent's driveway meant that she was one of the last ones there, but knowing her aunts and uncles, she wasn’t the last one there. Her parents were the ones who did Christmas Day for her dad’s family, Christmas Eve being the anniversary of her mom’s mom’s death, and, on top of that, Teresa doesn’t talk to her family over some argument and grudge being held over their parent's house.
Scanning the cars, she didn’t see the one belonging to her brother Matthew, or his wife, Stephanie. “I’ll just leave Harper’s gifts in the car,” Anne mutters to herself, trying to juggle as many gifts as she could while also balancing the box of pastries her mom asked her to pick up for dessert.
Without a free hand to open the door, Anne did everything she could to ring the doorbell with her elbow, praying that someone would come to open the door before she dropped anything.
Her younger brother, Sebastian, opens the door, a disappointed look on his face. “What the fuck is all this for?” he asks, taking some of the bags from her arms to lighten her load.
“Merry Christmas to you, too,” she remarks, “Yours is still in my car if you’re wondering.”
“Did you have to get gifts for everyone?” he asks, Anne greeting her aunts and uncles on the way to the tree to put everything down for later.
“Well, it’s Hazel’s first Christmas," she explains, referencing their sister's youngest daughter, "So getting her something and not getting the other children something seemed wrong, and then Jessica took me shopping and kept saying things like ‘oh this would be perfect for Lucy,’ or ‘oh don’t have you an aunt who likes mystery novels?’ And everything went downhill from there.”
Sebby groans, walking with Anne back out to her car to retrieve the rest of the gifts, Anne still holding the box of pastries since they hadn’t made it to the kitchen yet. “Please tell me you didn’t get Aunt Lisa that Agatha Christie illustrated novel that the bookstore was selling.”
“Please tell me you didn’t get Aunt Lisa that Agatha Christie illustrated novel the bookstore was selling,” Anne laughs, Sebby nodding his head. “I got a gift receipt.”
“What did you end up getting Matthew?” he asks her. Anne had texted Sebby in panic on Black Friday, coming home from a day of shopping with Lucy that left her without a gift for Lucy’s twin brother.
Grabbing the rest of the gifts and handing them to Sebby, she closes the door to her car and starts to go back inside. “I found this ‘make your own wine’ kit that I think he would like. That way Steph doesn’t have to listen to him complaining about how the stuff she drinks is ‘too sweet.’”
“What about for me?” Sebby asks, nudging Anne with his elbow as they arrange the rest of the gifts in the already mountainous pile under the tree.
“Oh, I knew there was someone I forgot,” she says sarcastically, Sebby ripping the bow off one of her carefully wrapped presents and throwing it at her. “Ok, now I’m never getting you a gift again.”
Sebby laughs, helping his older sister off the ground. The two of them wander into the kitchen, slipping in unnoticed due to the sheer number of family members and noise that was filling the room. “Aunt Anne! Aunt Anne!” Harper and Skylar squeal in unison when her nieces spot her, hoping that either she or Sebby had grabbed Harper, Matthew, and Stephanie’s gifts. She didn’t think there was anything left in her trunk.
“Hey there, fireflies,” Anne greets them, bending down as they both kiss her on the cheek. “Guess what? Santa stopped by my place and left some gifts for you, but he made me promise that you two were really good today if you want to open them after dessert, ok?”
The two girls nod excitedly, bouncing up and down at Anne’s words. To still be young and believe in Santa, that must be nice.
“Hey, ma,” Anne finally finds her mother, putting down the box of pastries in front of her and kissing her on the cheek. “Upstairs or downstairs fridge?”
“It goes downstairs. Come on, I have someone I want you to meet,” her mother says, dragging you away from your aunts that had aggregated around her. They all had excited looks on their faces, something that instantly worried Anne as she followed her mother down the stairs with the box. She could hear Matthew and Lucy’s voices, knowing that her brother and sister’s wife and husband had to be down there with them, too. “Matthew told me about this friend of his who couldn’t make it home for Christmas,” her mother whispers before she got to the last step.
“Mom, no,” Anne says, already knowing where this was heading. “I told you: I don’t need a boyfriend.”
“But I don’t have a grandson,” her mom whines, shaking Anne’s hand in her own against her chest.
“How is that my fault?”
“If you just find a nice boy, and get married, I just know you’re going to be my child that has a boy.”
“Oh my god,” Anne groans, pushing past her to get to the fridge.
Teresa pulls Anne over to the couches where her siblings were, Lucy sitting on one with her feet in Jason’s lap, Jason’s hand lazily rubbing his wife’s shins. Matthew was on the other, Stephanie nuzzled against his shoulder, all four of them with a glass of wine and three bottles open. Next to Matthew was a guy sitting there awkwardly, straightening his back when he saw you while Sebby tried to contain his laughter as he sat on the floor. “Jeremy, this is my youngest daughter, Anne. Anne, this is Jeremy,” she introduces the two of them before running up the stairs.
“I do have a girlfriend, actually,” Jeremy says, “So I’m sorry.”
Anne and her siblings burst out laughing, Lucy pouring her sister a glass of wine. “If only this were the first time Ma tried to set Anne up with a guy who was seeing someone.”
“I even tried to tell her that but she didn’t listen,” Matthew adds. “It’s better than when she tried to set you up with Adam,” he says, referencing Lucy’s partner at their optometry practice.
“Yeah, his husband wasn’t too thrilled by that potential match,” Sebby says.
They all keep talking, Anne just sitting and listening to them reminisce about all the people their parents had tried to set her up within their desperate attempt for her to no longer be single. It didn’t help that the last time she listened to them about dating was Andy, the boy who cheated on her when they got to college. Apparently going to school half an hour from each other wasn’t enough for him to keep up their two-year relationship instead of shoving his tongue down multiple girls throats before doing god only knows what else.
“When do you think they’ll stop trying to set me up with someone?” Anne finally pips in, accidentally cutting off something Jeremy was saying as she stared at the wine she was swirling in the glass.
“When you get a boyfriend,” her siblings say in unison.
“I hate all of you for doing that,” she laughs. “But, seriously, why is it so important that I have a boyfriend?”
“Oh, you know your mother,” Jason says, putting his glass down on the floor. “She saw what Lucy and I had and then wanted that for all her children.”
Lucy playfully shoves him, kissing him as Anne and Sebby groan. “She just wants you to be happy, and to her and dad, happiness is marriage and a family.”
“Where am I going to meet someone if I go to work or here where they try to bring in non-single non-potential suitors?” she asks, looking over at Jeremy. “Sorry.”
He shrugs, not able to get a word in before Matthew starts, “What if you met someone at work like how Steph and I met?”
“Yeah because there are so many single men walking around the maternity ward,” she says, her phone buzzing in front of her. “What about you, though, Seb, how’s Collins?” Anne asks, changing the subject.
“Eh,” he shrugs, his eyes wandering to Anne’s phone screen, “I’m not sure we’re going to last to graduation.”
“What?” Lucy squeals, causing Jason to jump as she threw her legs out of his lap. “I thought you said she was ‘the one’?”
Sebby looks down at his glass, a stupid smirk on his face. “Nah, that changed. She doesn’t want me to go to law school in Boston, she wants me to stay here or move to California with her.”
“But the adventure of moving with your girlfriend to another state!” Matthew offers, Stephanie rolling her eyes.
“Matthew, not everyone needs adventure like you do, hon.”
Anne’s phone buzzes again, a reminder that she had a text waiting for her. Picking it up before Sebby can see who it is, ever the nosy little brother, she sees a message from Tyson popping up as they continue their conversation about Sebby’s love life and Anne’s lack thereof. . They had only been texting for a few days since their encounter at the hospital, but every time his name came up she couldn’t help but smile, lifting the wine glass to her lips to cover it in hopes of her siblings not noticing.
How’s your Christmas been so far?
A simple ‘eh’ as a response was all that she needed to send. It could be worse, but her mom trying to set her up with a guy with a girlfriend was definitely not something that made for a good Christmas. The only thing that could be worse is if their dad came home early from the flight he was on with a guy he picked up in whatever country he had to go to that prompted him to miss the holiday. Normal dads who had to travel would bring their kids back little trinkets or a postcard, but Anne wouldn’t put it past Tony to borderline kidnap someone from the plane he was flying and bring them home for Anne.
Tyson’s contact comes up again, an incoming call that prompted Anne to step away so she could answer it. “What’s up?”
“You said your Christmas was ‘eh.’ What’s going on?”
“It’s a long story,” she groans, pressing her back up against the fridge.
“Well, what if I have something that might make it better?” he flirts.
“Oh? Like what”
“What if I said I’m 100% free to buy you that coffee any time tomorrow, since I know you said you didn’t have work, and you can tell me about Christmas then?”
Anne hears her siblings laugh not ten feet away, praying that they couldn’t hear her conversation. Taking in a deep breath, she knew that her cheeks were turning pink at his words. “Sure, that sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asks, walking back over to join her siblings.
“I’ll text you details,” he tells her, hanging up.
“Oh, my god,” Lucy yells, interrupting their conversation. “Anne was talking to a boy.”
“What the hell? What makes you think that?” she asks.
“Your cheeks are red," Lucy says, prompting Anne to raise her hand to feel the heat radiating from her face, "Who else would you be seeing tomorrow?” her sister eggs on, her eyebrow raised since she knew she was right.
Anne tries to find her words, unable to think of a name that wasn’t a guy's name to blurt out.
“Is it Tyson?” Sebby asks, Anne’s unlocked phone in his hand.
“You jackass!” she yells, lunging at her brother to try to get her phone back.
Teresa’s footsteps sound down the stairs, her poking her head between the gap in the stair rail and the steps themselves, Anne and Sebby looking like a deer in headlights when they see their mom. “I was coming to say that dinner was ready, but what’s going on here?”
“Anne has a boy she wasn’t telling us about,” Sebby blabs, earning an ‘I’ll kill you’ look from Anne.
“Oh! Annie!” their mom squeals, running down the stairs to pick her up off the ground and hug her. “Why didn’t you tell us about him?”
“I, uh,” Anne starts, still not sure what to say.
“You have to bring him to New Year’s Day at Uncle Vince’s house,” she tells her, the rest of the siblings following Anne being dragged back up the stairs for dinner, her mom announcing that Anne had a boyfriend when she, in fact, didn’t.
=============
December 26, 2021
“So, are you going to tell me why your Christmas was only ‘eh,’ or am I going to have to guess?” Tyson asks, setting down two cups of coffee in front of them. Tyson had asked Anne to meet him at a small coffee shop that was within walking distance of her apartment, thankful that she didn’t have to drive through Denver on the day where everyone was returning anything unwanted, like her Aunt Lisa returning one of the copies of the Agatha Christie novel that her and Sebby each got her.
Anne groans, the images of last night’s dinner flashing through her mind. “Can we talk about something else, first?”
“Fine,” Tyson says, taking a long sip of the coffee, “What did you get for gifts?”
She raises her eyebrow at him, Tyson mirroring her expression except with a goofy grin on his face. Rolling her eyes, she starts listing off the stuff she got: “My parents got me a new attachment for my KitchenAid stand mixer since my younger brother, Sebby, broke it last time he was over and a voucher for a flight anywhere in the country like they do every year, um, some gift cards from my aunts and uncles, my nieces all did their best attempts at drawing a portrait of me, Sebby told me he was going to come over and make dinner for me, which scares me because he can’t cook, Matthew and his wife got me some books they thought I would like, and Lucy and her husband got me this bracelet,” Anne tells him, extending her arm out to show him.
“I have so many questions,” Tyson starts.
“I might have answers,” Anne tells him, raising her cup to him.
“How big is your family?”
“I’m the third of four, Lucy and Matthew are twins and are about five years older than me, then Sebby is a year younger than me. Lucy has two daughters and Matthew has one. My dad has two brothers; one older, one younger. The older one has three kids, the younger has two and then three grandchildren.”
“Mom’s family?”
Anne looks down at her coffee. “I’m the only one who talks to anyone on that side of the family. My mom and her brother got into a fight when their parents died over what was left to them. My uncle has two daughters and two granddaughters.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, looking between the coffee and Anne.
She shrugs, not really bothered by it at this point. “It’s whatever. I talk to them because I want to, so it’s fine. What other questions do you have, though?”
“The ticket voucher?”
“Yeah,” Anne laughs, “Our dad is a pilot with Southwest Airlines, so every Christmas they give us a voucher to fly anywhere we want. They say they want to make sure that we take time for ourselves, but I think Dad gets some sort of bonus for every voucher he buys.”
Tyson throws his head back laughing. It wasn’t that funny, but seeing him so happy, Anne couldn’t help but smile back at him. “What about you, what did you get for Christmas?”
“My mom and sister flew down and basically restocked my kitchen for me.”
“Ok, that’s a great present, though,” she says. “Where was your dad?”
The smile from Tyson’s face fades, not looking up at Anne. “I never knew him. My mom and grandmother raised me.”
“Oh, Tyson,” she says, reaching out for his hand. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”
He shrugs, a forced smile on his face. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything, I don’t think. My mom and my grandmother are the reason I am who I am. I wouldn’t give that up or change it.”
The two of them sit there, Anne trying to think about how many times she helped deliver a baby when the father was nowhere to be found. She normally figured they were busy or just not in the delivery room, not being there all together was something she couldn’t even begin to imagine. “But enough about me. Why was your Christmas ‘eh’?”
“My family has it in their heads that I need a boyfriend,” she admits, Tyson smirking at her words. “And my brother saw your texts coming up on my phone and being the asshole that he is, announced that I was texting a boy, so now, I need to find someone to bring with me to my uncle’s house on New Year’s Day that I can pass off as you.”
Tyson gives her a confused look. “Why wouldn’t you just bring me?”
Anne sits there, a shocked look on her face. “Because they think ‘Tyson’ is my boyfriend, and you aren’t?”
“So we pretend. They don’t need to know,” he shrugs, acting like it was no big deal.
“That would never work,” Anne dismisses him.
“Why not? You don’t think I’m a good actor?” Tyson whines, acting insulted at Anne’s words.
She scoffs, “Ok, one, hockey players are never good actors, and two, Sebby or Lucy are bound to figure out that you are not my boyfriend. Sebby wants to be a lawyer so he analyzes everything and Lucy is just this perfect anomaly of a human who would be bound to figure it out.”
“I think I can play your boyfriend for New Year’s Day,” he says, confidence dripping in his voice.
“No, I can’t have you do that.”
The maternity ward where Anne worked never ceased to be hectic, the miracle of life happening at least once an hour. No matter how much Anne had studied in nursing school, nothing could have prepared her for the stress that could come from thhe job, the long hours, the potential for something so right to turn so wrong in a minute, the way nothing can go planned since the baby dictated all, the mess that comes with every birth, or the joy that results from a former patient sending her the occasional picture of a baby she helped deliver as they’re growing up.
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milkbaer · 4 years
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love to hate you | Part 2
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„After a year they meet again and they’re not amused.”
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• Pairing: Prince Friedrich x Reader (Princess of Bavaria) • Word count: 3.8k • Warnings: my terrific writing ✨ none, just the usual
• A/N: Thank you all so much, so much for the all the responses and everything! I hadn’t expected so many readers, thank you! 🥺💖💖💖💖 I know I’ve said that part 2 could be uploaded within a week, but I wasn’t so happy with it and still I am not 100% satisfied. And I’ve learnt that I shouldn’t promise uploading dates :’) Thanks again to @netflixton on, you were right rewriting scenes does help, a lot! This part is longer than the first but maybe not as thrilling, yet I hope you enjoy it
• Small dictionary: Bärli – a cute nickname, kinda a cute way to say bear
 Lake Starnberg, Bavaria, 1813
With closed eyes and a bright smile on your lips did you enjoy the warmth of the sun on your skin. Today’s weather was unusual sunny and warm, even for a day in the spring. But of course, you didn’t mind the variance. No one did, as long the weather was pleasant.
Splashing your feet in the cold, but refreshing, lake’s water and your arms spread behind you, supporting you, you bathed in the sun. Warm sunlight tickled your skin. The weather couldn’t be better, it almost felt like a farewell gift. As if the sun knew that this was your last day before your departure for grey, rainy England. You’ve heard about its infamous weather and expected weeks of grey- and dullness.
While you weren’t too keen on the English weather, your excitement for the voyage was undeniable, it was … it was … you couldn’t really put it into words. You were excited, yes, even more than that. Maybe you could compare your feelings to someone who made a big discovery, a positive one. But that didn’t catch it right either. It was just … you were so happy about your first real travel. Yes, you’ve travelled to Vienna, Tyrol, Frankfurt and … Prussia. But England was your first travel with a ship. Your first time overseas.
Filled with delight and excitement you flopped down in the soft green grass, surrounded by the first wildflowers of spring. Happily, you sighed and when the picture of your old governess appeared in your mind, you couldn’t even think about stifling your laugh. Oh, she would be furious if she saw you like that. She hated it, with great passion, to see you laying on grass, in the sun or water. It was unproper, grass stains, tans, and so many other reasons that didn’t make sense.
You hummed in delight.
Good that you were no longer in need of a governess.
 London, England, 1813
Sitting under a pavilion in the queen’s garden, together with his aunt, Friedrich enjoyed his breakfast to the fullest. It was beyond incredible how good today’s meal tasted and how happy he felt. Almost overjoyed. The queen used to look up from her dish and latest Lady Whistledown, eying him with slight bewilderment, whenever she heard him hum happily with every bite he took. He still did that, humming in delight with every bite, but by now she was used to it.
Friedrich felt that this year would be going well. This year was a good year, maybe even one of his bests. He was doing well, his mother was more than well, his travels had been fantastique, especially this one, and the annual ball to his birthday had been better than ever. Mainly because one person, who he didn’t like to think about, didn’t attend. For the first time in forever Friedrich didn’t had to see the face of we-don’t-talk-about-her. She had been sick or something, he didn’t really care, when he heard the sad news, as his mother called them, he felt like dancing, purely out of joy – or relief, or schadenfreude, or all three of them.
Well, the only thing that mattered: Friedrich hadn’t seen someone, the one who shall not be named, for over a year.
What a true blessing.
And even better, at the Salisbury ball he met her, Daphne Bridgerton. His aunt, Queen Charlotte, had told him so much about her, there were only things to praise. She was so enthused by this girl; he had rarely seen his aunt like that. To her she was flawless but to him she was so much more.
If you’d ask him the queen wasn’t able to give Daphne justice. No one could. Her words couldn’t describe her, not the slightest. Friedrich had met her, she wasn’t only beautiful with her copper hair and rosy skin, her laugh was incredibly charming, infatuating, and endearing. Sadly, he only had had the chance to dance with her once.
Did Friedrich believe in love at first sight? – He didn’t know, exactly. Maybe.
Was is love at first sight? Maybe.
He didn’t know.
. . .
 England was exciting, no, thrilling! You had seen different big cities, each unique in its own, but London and its countryside were something else. Never had you seen such huge white cliffs, which looked like someone had chopped them off with a knife. From your ship you could’ve starred at them for hours. The biggest surprise, however, was the English sun shining down on you. The weather wasn’t as cloudy and rainy as you’d imagined. Your father must have lied.
London wasn’t Vienna but it had its own charm, which made it impossible for you to not marvel at, literally, everything.
Your inn was magnificent. It hadn’t looked like much from the outside. Well, to you it looked just like the other brick buildings of Mayfair, but when you entered the house you couldn’t contain your wonder. You were amazed how big it was from the inside. Oh, and your suite was decked in lush green colours, which reminded you of home. It looked very pleasant, homey even and the bed very inviting. Tired as you were you flopped down onto the huge bed, face first.
One of your family’s maids, who stood ready, with straight posture, near the door, stared at you with wide confused eyes. You hadn’t noticed her at all.  Of course, she knew your habits. But seeing you falling into your bed so plump, like a ragdoll … or a corpse, completely ignoring her, was … a surprise.
“What shall I do now?” the young girl asked herself in a whisper, her eyes huge and baffled. She knew that you had just set down foot on English ground, but there was no time for you to rest. They had to get you ready for tonight’s soirée at Lady –
Were you snoring?
“Oh, you must be kidding.” Your snores were almost able to compete with your father’s. Not very ladylike. She pondered if she should wake you, already calculating the time she needed to tend to your hair, robes etc. But after the long travel you needed some time to rest – wait, she also needed that!
For a mere moment you made no sound and she grew scared, did you stop breathing? What should she do? If she reported a dead princess their first, and maybe only, suspect would be her.
Oh. Oh, no, everything was fine you were snoring again.
“Okay,” she sighed, addressing your limp, sleeping body. “But only for some minutes.”
 “But Mama, do we really have –“you tried to stifle a yawn, not succeeding. The short nap had felt incredible but now the movement of the coach, light but steady rocking, made you feel tired again. Right now, you felt like falling asleep any moment.
“Y/N, please, your manners,” scolded Marie, your mama. Well, it was hardly scolding, she knew you were tired, hell, she herself was tired from your travels. It was more like a friendly reminder, not to yawn every second at the soirée. “Or Lady Danbury could feel offended, thinking she bores us.”
“But do we need to? It’s our first night in London. – And it’s not like we know this Lady Danbury anyway,” you asked, or more tried to convince your mother of returning to the inn, mumbling the last part.
But like so often Marie had heard every word you said. “Oh, Bärli. I’ve told you; her son and your papa were friends.”
Your mama nodded to your father, who had dozed off, arms crossed and his head falling to his shoulder. At the sight of her snoring husband Marie sighed. “They met at Oxford, or was it Cambridge? God knows where he studied – but he made friends with her son. Well, you know the rest.”
 His feet were dancing but his heart wasn’t. Yes, he had asked Miss Cowper for a dance and she was a good dancer, but his heart longed for another girl in his arms. Kind as he was Friedrich tried to focus on Cressida, it was only fair. She too was a marvellous young lady, with incredible coiffure if he may add. But deep inside his heart yearned for another. His blue eyes always seemed to seek out Daphne on their own, but he couldn’t help it.
Friedrich always spared short longing glances at Daphne Bridgerton. Cressida knew and hated it. She wanted the prince to focus on her, and only her. But what should she do? Break off the dance and risking offending prince and queen? No, she wouldn’t do that. She and her mama had worked too hard for this opportunity to go to waste.
Daphne seemed to enjoy this dance and sharing it with the duke. Ugh, deep inside him Friedrich felt a weird mix of longing and jealousy. Yes, he was jealous of the duke, because he was able to dance with her and make her laugh. He wanted to be the one, but he was also a gentleman, and thus respected Daphne’s wishes. But he couldn’t help himself, his eyes were glued on her. She looked very lovely in her pale blue gown.
When the music finished Friedrich’s heart desperately wanted to run off to Daphne. But one she was still enjoying the company of the Duke of Hastings and second, he couldn’t do that to Cressida. So instead, he asked her for another dance.
Cressida smiled, even if the prince hadn’t been completely focused on her, him asking for another dance was a good sign. So, when she saw that Daphne Bridgerton retired from the dancefloor she said, “I would love to, your Highness.”
And so, they danced. For Cressida this felt like a triumph, one Daphne didn’t have.
 Your father, risen from his beautiful slumber, as if he had pricked his finger on a thorn, ushered you towards an elder lady. One you didn’t know, but that wasn’t so surprising, so far, you knew no one in Mayfair. But you guessed that this Lady, dressed in rich purple colours and resting her weight on a fancy cane, was the infamous Lady Danbury. And after your short greetings you knew that you were right. The lady across from you was, indeed, Lady Danbury.
The older woman stared at you, studying you with raised brows and eyes like a hawk. “You’ve grown a lot since I saw you.”
You tried not to look puzzled, but her comment left you dumbfounded. You couldn’t remember her, when have you two met? Clearly you failed with your attempt of hiding your confusion, Lady Danbury laughed at the look on your face. “Oh, you won’t remember. Your sister Franziska was four I believe.”
You nodded at her words. Of course, you couldn’t remember her when you met you must have been a year old.
“Oh you were a very plump baby, even chubbier than my son, which I thought was impossible. But the plump baby turned into a lovely lady, I’d say.”
Blinking confused you smiled at her words. What could you retort to that? All children of your parents had been chubby babies, or so you’ve heard since you where the last offspring. Karl, your dear papa, laughed wholehearted at Lady Danbury’s word. Tears pricked his eyes as he remembered how plump and wrinkly you used to be.
When Lady Danbury hit his leg with her cane, more than once, his laughter died abruptly. Karl winced at the power the dowager hold, she was quite strong for an old lady. “I see you finally managed to grow a beard. Whiskers even!” Lady Danbury remarked with a sly and cunning smile.
She eyed his locks critically. “And you still have your curls. You can be lucky, that your wife met you when you were young. I see more skin than hair!”
Karl’s face grew red, his fingers moved to carefully touch and brush his hair. He didn’t like his receding hairline, but he had always thought with his curly hair it wasn’t that obvious. But Lady Agatha Danbury saw and heard everything, he should’ve known.
Like your father you couldn’t help but giggle at Lady Danbury’s words and his embarrassment. You didn’t think of his hair badly, but his face was just too good. He looked so flustered and alarmed; you couldn’t contain your laughter. And then you couldn’t hide a little yawn. Quickly you covered it with your hand, but Lady Danbury shot you a sharp look. “Do I bore you, your Highness?”
You gulped; you didn’t mean to offend her, but the yawn had escaped by itself. After all you haven’t properly rested. Seeing your panicked eyes Lady Danbury loosened her façade and cackled. “Don’t dread, I am merely joking. I know you’ve made a long way and had no time to rest, I might say.”
She stung your father with her gaze and hit him with her cane again. “I invited you so that you could attend a day after your arrival. I know my arithmetic. – I bet your father has departed later than planned, back in Cambridge he often dawdled.”
With a splutter of words Karl tried to excuse your late arrival. Something with the wind and water, the roads and so on. But Lady Danbury had nothing of it, she simply continued. “But I must say I am very lucky to have a prince and a princess attending my soirée. What are the odds?”
A prince and a princess? The way she said it she couldn’t mean your parents. There must be someone else, maybe a prince from the Isles, Sweden, or Austria even? Your excitement and curiosity grew. Was it someone you knew?
“Oh! There he is!” Lady Danbury exclaimed with a satisfied grin. Interested you turned around and your smile faded fast. Your curiosity and all your excitement was gone, all swept away, when you saw him. Standing in front of you, with a blonde lady in his arm, was Friedrich and he looked as pleased as you did.
 The Prussian prince stared at your family in shock.
What where they doing here?
What where you doing here?
He was so shocked to see you here in London, in the same house, that Friedrich didn’t notice the stunned look on your face. Like him, you were frozen, unable to even move a tiny muscle of your face. He could sense Cressida’s fingers on his arms, slowly bringing him back to consciousness. Cressida had no idea who she was facing or why her prince was standing stiff like a statue.
“Friedrich, we didn’t know you would be here. What a pleasant surprise!” exclaimed Princess Marie happily, a big friendly, maybe even relieved, smile on her face.
Of course, he wasn’t happy to see you, but he couldn’t say so. Friedrich cleared his throat and put on his best smile. “The pleasure is all mine.”
Marie laughed and nudged you lightly with her elbow, reminding you to greet him proper. She expected a proper curtsy but knowing you, Friedrich excepted nothing. To his surprise you curtsied, well if you could call bending your knees barely a centimetre a curtsy, and you kept your mouth shut. You merely looked at him grimly, with gloomy eyes and tight lips, remaining silent. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes and ears, for once you didn’t greet him with your typical phrases and rolled his first R. It was unusual but heaven to his ears.
“I see you’ve grown chops,” you remarked, suddenly, not sounding neither pleased nor appalled. It was merely a fact. Friedrich had grown hair, almost as blonde as his fluffy curls, on his cheeks. He was clueless on what you had intended with your statement like … yes, he had sideburns.
But then you mumbled something incomprehensible, Friedrich only saw your lips moving unable to make out a single word. But they lit an impish spark in Lady Danbury’s eyes. Her almost sinister chuckles made Friedrich curious, but also anxious. Like he couldn’t hear you but regarding Lady Danbury’s reaction it hadn’t been something good.
 Friedrich was glad, no, relieved when he could withdraw with Cressida from their company. His life was going so well, one year without you felt like a stay in Rügen. No, even better. Strolling aimlessly through the hall with Cressida on his arm, he asked himself how he deserved this. Has he ever sinned so badly to justify you? Friedrich tried to forget his encounter with you. Yet he couldn’t; like so often you inhabited his mind as soon as he saw you, even if it was just a glimpse. Avoiding you always became his sole intention as soon as he knew you were there.
“Your Highness, are you alright?” Cressida asked him, pressing her fingers lightly into his arm. Swiftly Friedrich nodded, putting his casual, friendly smile.
Cressida hadn’t really a chance to talk to Lady Danbury’s guests. She was only able to introduce herself, which frustrated her because she wanted to know more. Cressida wasn’t stupid, she had noticed his reaction. They must know each other, she concluded, she just didn’t know what their relationship was.
“You seemed quite familiar. May I ask – are they your friends?”
He scoffed at the thought of being friends with you, and yet all he said was yes. “But they’re more my mother’s friends than mine.”
“I see.” That was all she needed to know. They were his friends and when they knew his mother, they probably knew him for quite a long time. How wonderful! This surely would become useful for her.
 Saying that you, one single person, ruined his evening might be an exaggeration but you did. You were able to ruin his mood and everything solely by existing. Finally, Friedrich could spend his time with Daphne. He should feel happy, well he was happy to finally be with Miss Bridgerton. But he couldn’t stop looking for you.
Deep inside his mind, far, far away in one little corner were you, you practically inhabited that small space of his mind. And knowing of your presence was enough to drive him insane. Since he didn’t harbour the desire to talk or even face you again, he kept looking, only to avoid you. But he really should relish his moment with Daphne.
How could he enjoy his time, when you were dancing, jumping, and laughing around with a gentleman? This man must’ve been insane to even ask you. But Friedrich told himself, that he felt irritated because you stole his chance to dance this exact same dance with Daphne.
“Are you alright, your Highness?” He heard Daphne ask him and felt like he had heard the exact same question once before. Friedrich looked at her, startled and immediately felt like he could drown in her big, worried eyes. “You seem a bit absent. Is something bothering you, don’t you feel well?”
Oh, wasn’t she adorable? Briefly he shook his head, as if he wanted to cleanse his face from his sour mood. “Don’t you worry about me, Miss Bridgerton. I assure you, everything is fine.”
He had thought that his words would reassure her, he didn’t expect for her to look even more troubled. Her light brows hitched up in concern, she clearly didn’t believe him. But her worried face made his heart … it felt a bit like it was dancing, nervously. How could he not like her? His aunt was right about her. The prince only knew Daphne for over a week and yet he was so infatuated by her … how could he not? She was flawless, no, even more than that.
“Have I told you, that you look absolutely lovely today?” Friedrich must sound like a love-struck fool.
“Well, yes you did,” she said, sounding rather confused, maybe even a little more concerned. Clearly his plan of distracting her mind wasn’t working. “You said so earlier this evening, when we met. Do you remember?”
“Yes, you’re right.” He chuckled. “But I can say it more than once, no?”
Indeed, Daphne looked very lovely wearing her pale blue dress, adorned with small stitched flowers. It perfectly emphasised the warm colours of her hair and skin. He could compliment her every second.
He had expected her to blush, she’d look lovely with pink cheeks. But his words couldn’t divert her from her concerns. “I know we’re not friends per se, but if something’s bothering you, your Highness …”
“Glad to know that, Miss Bridgerton. But I assure you –“ You laughed, loud, a sound his ears couldn’t ignore. This devilish sound was like an alarm. But when he quickly turned around and spotted you amongst the dancing folk, he was surprised that you were having … fun. Unlike him you enjoyed your evening. And you didn’t laugh at anyone, you laughed with them, which you never did with him. You were just mocking him.
How was it fair, and even possible, that you enjoyed your time with others but used his to torture him?
To his dismay Daphne caught his gaze, his move had been anything but discreet, and he didn’t know why, but she shouldn’t have. Even worse, she seemed to know you. “Oh, is something the matter with Miss Y/N?”
Knowing you must be heaven’s punishment, Daphne shouldn’t know you, but she did. “You know her?” Friedrich asked puzzled. While he knew that you acted pretty civil and friendly around others, just not him, he couldn’t imagine anything but the worst.
Daphne nodded, not thinking much of his confused face. “Well, yes. I met her and her mama. – We talked a little; she was really lovely.”
Friedrich blinked. He furiously blinked at her. Had he heard right? Did Daphne call you lovely, after spending her precious time with you?
You? Lovely?
Friedrich could describe you with many words but none of them would be lovely. Malicious, annoying, vicious, disturbing, and so on, but not lovely.
You, Y/N of Bravaria, spawn of the devil, lovely?
Not a chance.
 . . .
 Friedrich jolted awake, his blonde locks tousled, his shirt out of place, tired his drowsy eyes wandered around the room looking for any sign of time. A few shafts of sunlight shone through the gaps of his heavy curtains. It was morning already but why did he not feel properly rested? Sluggish he sat in his bed like a slack potato sack. A loud tune, probably a trumpet or so, blasted still through the walls of the palace.
Friedrich groaned. Dizzy he slowly began to remember. This had to be a nightmare and with the melody blaring he knew that he must still be in his nightmare. Else he wasn’t able to explain all of this. Yeah, he must still be dreaming. This was all a dream, yesterday never happened and you never moved into the palace.
Yearning for some more minutes of sleep Friedrich flopped back on to his pillows. He tried to drone out the music, but it nearly impossible. Not even his thick pillows, pressed against his ears were helping him. Frustrated Friedrich groaned, gave up sleep and starred sullen at this ceiling.
Who was playing the trumpet, or any instrument for that matter, at this unearthly hour?
Who?
 taglist: @netflixton @onlymexsarah @awesomebooklover17 @verygardenerbanana @bxnnywatts  @freyagallileaevans
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lavendersugarplum · 4 years
Text
☂︎ZEROᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉᵈ ᵘᵐᵇʳᵉˡˡᵃ
(The Umbrella Academy x Sibling! Adolescent! Reader)
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sᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀs
─━━━━━━⊱☂︎⊰━━━━━━─
ZERO WAS OBSERVING HERSELF in the mirror imagining what her day would be like this morning. The change in the weather already had her feeling gloom, but she didn't really expect much from today. It was probably just going to be just like every morning, or so she thought.
Seconds later, Pogo came in, gently, through the door. "Miss Y/n, Luther, and the rest of your siblings are here." As soon as those words fell out of the chimp's mouth she froze as if she didn't know how to process what he just said. She couldn't believe it. Zero didn't think that they would even attend. After how so Sir Reginald treated them, this must be some kind of joke. Once Zero fully processed what was happening, she positions herself around and raised an eyebrow. "Why hadn't you told me they were coming before?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise." Pogo smiled gently at her before walking up to fix the tie on her uniform. Once he was done tying it, he looked at her with his big brown eyes. "You'll do fine. Just talk to them." Zero nodded in understanding, eyes furrowed. "I see....... and Pogo?
"Yes?""You don't have to call me Miss. I'm not quite grown up, as you can see."
"Well, I think you've grown to be a mature young lady," Pogo said smiling.
"Too bad Mr. Hargreeves didn't think so." Zero thought as she walked out of the room.
~☂︎~
TO SAY THAT SHE WAS nervous was an understatement. It had been forever since she had seen any of her siblings at all, including Luther. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of Zero's head in anxiousness. Within every step she took getting closer to the living room, the feeling of her throat closing up came with it.
When Zero arrived in the living room, the first person she saw was her bulky brother Luther along with Diego, Allison, Klaus, and Vanya. They had all looked so grown up. It almost made Zero envy for how mature they had gotten.
"Zero has arrived." Pogo announced causing the five to have their eyes zapped straight to Zero. Vanya was the first to walk up to her with welcoming arms. "Zero." Vanya went over to hug her, causing Zero to back away trying to contain her abilities from being triggered. "I'm sorry." Vanya apologized as she backed away.
"You came back." Zero said, putting what had just happened aside. She was just overjoyed and slightly overwhelmed to see her family again.
"I told you I would come back." Vanya shyly smiled, running a hand through her dark brunette hair. The next person to the conversation was Klaus.
"Oh my, Zero! Well I'd say you don't look a day over..... Since I last saw you!" Klaus said acting surprised but was just really being a tease."Some family reunion, huh?" Zero slightly rolled her eyes at him. "Go on, M-I mean Zero. Go sit by Luther." Pogo held his hand out in the direction of the couch. As Zero made her way over to the couch, she tried to avoid eye contact with her siblings in pure shyness.
"So do you come out of your room now or is it just for stupid occasions like these?" Diego asked, clearly annoyed.
"Diego." Allison warned.
"It's fine." Zero said quietly, voice barely above a whisper. As soon as she said that Klaus's eyes widened.
"Wait. She can talk now?"
Klaus asked, but everyone just ignored it as a question.
"Why am I always the last to know about stuff?" Klaus groans as he fixes himself a drink.
A pensive silence starts to enclose over the room. Zero understood it was kinda awkward because none of them saw each other in such a long time.
Zero observed her siblings as they had their moments of silence. She looked to Luther who looked the same just as when he had left. With the chimpanzee DNA he took, he had gotten taller. She remembers when they were younger, with him being the leader. She knows Luther tried his best, but Reginald didn't think that was enough. Luther was always the leader, and she could feel how much it always got on Diego's nerves. Those two were always getting into rivalries.
Sh started to feel bad that he's going to realize he went to the moon for no reason. Reginald didn't read his reports at all; and she knew that.
Even though Luther was raised to be the best and most useful, Zero couldn't deny that he went through some trauma. They all did. He was raised to believe he was the best and a leader. Another example of Reginald's bad parenting. And as a result, his ego is still here, as Zero noticed. He's the only one that still cares for his father, while Zero just doesn't know how to feel after all the things he did to her. They say it's always better to forgive, but Zero just doesn't know.
Luther loved being hero more than anything, she had to  just hope that he wouldn't put that over himself and his family.
Her pupils bored over to Diego. He may be brash, but deep down Zero senses that he's insecure and still wants to prove himself. Still trying to measure up to Luther, even though Diego has become very skilled in Zero's eyes. She still remembers the time when they had first interacted.
~☂︎~
ZERO WAS WALKING DOWN the hall with Reginald's reports in her hand; taking them to him. A thud into her shoulder made every last one of the reports fall out of her hand, but like magic, she reached her hands and the reports defied gravity to arrive back into her possession.
"Sorry"
Zero was about to walk away but Diego stopped her.
"W-wait. I heard you in my mind. What kind of ridiculous trick are you playing on?"
"...... I can read minds and feel emotions."
"Well don't do that on me. I-i don't need a weird girl like you looking through my mind." With that Diego walked away, keeping a guard on his mind.
~☂︎~
ZERO THEN PEERS AT ALLISON. She had grown up to be a very pretty girl, as so Zero thought. Allison was always nice towards everyone in the Umbrella Academy. She never once talked bad about anyone behind their backs, which is quite admirable to Zero. How much Allison craved for attention is what she didn't notice.
Then there's Klaus. Still the same rebellious person he is. Zero admires how he can just move on and not dwell on the past too much. Sweet and vulnerable as a boy, and also her other close friend thanks to Ben. Besides herself, Klaus got experimented on by Sir Reginald the most. Through the years he has become not all himself, which awakens her concern for his well-being.
Finally, there's Vanya. Zero learned that she became a writer. She remembers when she sent her book to Reginald, but he never read it. Zero finds herself wondering how her music career was doing. Though in the past she seemed aloof, not want to have anything to do with her siblings, Zero had always watched them from afar, knowing their feelings and insecurities.
But sometimes it would be too much feelings and insecurities.
Zero's thought process was interrupted when Luther began the gathering speech.
"I guess we should get this started. So, I figured we could have a sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown. Say a few words, just at dad's favorite spot."
"Dad had a favorite spot?" Allison asked, astonished, an expression of surprise crossing her face along with the others.
"You know, under an oak tree. We used to sit out there all the time. None of you ever did that?" Luther asked, like it was a usual thing.
Not all of us were his Number One, is what Zero thought.
"Will there be any refreshments? TV? Scones? Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner." Klaus asked as he nonchalantly popped a joint, joining his siblings in the living room, drink in hand. Luther's face scrunched up at Klaus.
"What? No. And put that out. Dad didn't allow smoking in here."
"Is that my skirt?" Allison says in tone, referring to the skirt Klaus was wearing. "What? Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room. It's a little dated, I know. But it's very breathy on the." Klaus motions his hands. ".... Bits."
"Listen up. Still, some important things that we need to discuss, all right?" Luther proceeds.
"Like what?" Diego asked dryly and uninterested.
"Like the way he died."
"And here we go." Diego rolled his eyes, uninterested.
"I don't understand." Vanya mumbles. I thought they said it was a heart attack."
"Yeah, according to the coroner."
"Well, wouldn't they know?"
"Theoretically," Luther explained.
"Theoretically?" Allison asked.
"I'm just saying, at the very least, something happened. the last time I talked to Dad, he sounded strange."
"Oh, Quelle surprise!" Klaus exclaimed gurgling his drink.
"Strange how?" Allison asked.
"He sounded on edge. Told me I should be careful who to trust. Hearing these things made Zero look up from her lap, at Luther.
"Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old man who was starting to lose what was left of his marbles," Diego said walking over to him.
"No. He must have known something was going to happen. Zero, you must know something. Did he say anything out of the usual to you?" Luther said kneeling to Zero.
".........No." Zero replied, looking back down.
Luther sighed and got back up. "Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad," Luther said referring to Klaus, causing Allison to scoff.
"I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, "Dad, could you just...stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"
"Since when? That's your thing," Luther encourages.
"I'm just not in the right frame of mind," Klaus replied.
"You're high?" Allison exclaims.
"Yeah! Yeah! I mean, how are you not listening to this nonsense?"
"Well, sober up, this is important. Then there's the issue of the missing monocle." Luther said.
"Who gives a shit about a stupid monocle?" Diego said.
"Exactly. It's worthless. So whoever took it, I think it was personal. Someone close to him. Someone with a grudge."
"Where are you going with this?" Klaus asked.
"Oh, is it obvious, Klaus? He thinks one of us killed dad." Diego said, eyes trained on Luther.
"You do?" Klaus said in awe.
"And I already know exactly who is the main suspect is. He thinks Zero did it." As soon as Diego said that everyone's eyes went wide and Zero tensed up.
"No, Zero. That's not-" Luther reached out for Zero, but she backed away.
"Why......do you lie?" That was the last thing she said before walking out of the room, heading for her bedroom.
"How could you think she would do that," Vanya said in disbelief.
"She's a kid, Luther," Diego said.
"You're crazy, man. You're crazy. Crazy."
Klaus, Vanya, and Diego started to storm at the room not wanting to continue with the conversation anymore.
Allison started to walk away too with a disappointed look on her face.
"That went well," Luther said sarcastically. He sighs and settles down on one the couches and rubs his head in exhaustion.
"Master Luther."
Luther's thoughts were halted by Pogo, who walked in; wooden walking stick glued to his paw. Luther had called him in to ask him about Sir Reginald's Monocle which turned to be missing.
"I'm trying to locate Dad's monocle. Have you perhaps seen it?"
Pogo simply shakes his head.
"No, unfortunately I haven't, but I would assume it would be one of his personal findings."
"It's not there... I've already checked." Luther goes silent almost about to give up.
~☂︎~
ZERO WAS IN HER BEDROOM reading the book Ben gave her. She already read it a thousand times, but this book is the only thing she has of Ben. She soon started to hear the music play in the house. She shook her head and kept reading. Zero' started to think about what Luther had said about their father seeming off. It wasn't just him, she also noticed he was a out of character months before he passed. Reginald started telling her more about the world beyond the Academy. Of course they would have their usual sessions, like playing chest or eating breakfast together. Sometimes they would just sit by the fireplace in silence. No lectures, no teachings, just silence.
Zero's thought process was diminished by a Thunder clap and sound clouding her ears, along with bright blue shadowing over her room. Zero decided she would stay in a room since there is no way she was going outside. A blue glint casted her eyes as she just stared in awe at the illuminating glow. It was some sort of a wormhole forming in mid-air. She saw her siblings going out to look at it as well.
"And just what do they think they're doing?"
She saw Klaus coming out with a fire extinguisher throwing it in. She then saw Luther directing them to back away from it. All the Hargreeves just stared at it with the wind ferociously blowing. The unbelievable happened. A small figure fell from the whole. As soon as the person hit the ground, the wormhole instantly closed up.
The siblings started to inch closer to the figure, along with Zero who examined the person with curious eyes, eyes widening at what it was.
It was her missing brother.
Five Hargreeeves
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Back Into Your Arms
I just want some Lucien snuggles. This is kinda poorly written since I'm tired and just wanna relax with Lucien.
Word Count - 538
Warnings - None. Self Insert fluff. I want Lulu snuggles.
I cocoon in my blanket, flopping onto the couch. A small sob leaves my lips. Lucien has been away for a little over a month for a project. 
I grip my phone tight to my chest, the last bit of hope I have. He said he was going to call me tonight, but it's already 3am where he's at. It's 10pm at home, where I am.
I nuzzle my face into the blanket, sitting in silence. I don't even want to listen to music like I usually do. I let out a few more tears hugging the reversible squid plushie Lucien gave me before leaving. Our second year anniversary is in two days, and he will be working still.
I fall asleep like that, for an unsure amount of time. Huddled up on the corner of the couch. 
Something pushes the part of the blanket that covers my hair. A warm sensation lingers on my forehead. I crack my eyes open, blinking a few times. When my sight comes to focus, I see Lucien on his knees smiling at me. I gasp, rubbing my eyes.
He smiles, chuckling softly. "Didn't I tell you not to stay up late? You need more rest." Lucien coos, caressing my cheek. 
I sit up, looking at him. "I thought you were supposed to stay another week." I mumble. I shuffle to wrap my arms around his neck. Lucien kisses my cheeks.
"Have you been crying? Your eyes are red." He asks with concern. I look away, not wanting to answer. Lucien sighs, holding me close.
The sound of his heartbeat calms me down. "What time is it?" I yawn. Lucien rocks me gently in his arms. "It's around 12:30am." He answers.
I look up at him with a pout. "You said I shouldn't stay up late! Yet you're always up late." I huff. He smiles mischievously.
"Do you want me to go back?" He teases. I whine and cling tight to him, shaking my head no. He lets out a breathless chuckle, placing a hand on the small of my back.
"I would never leave you  right after coming home, Layla. I love you too much." He whispers. I kiss his cheeks softly, overjoyed he's back in my arms.
"How about we get you in bed? We can make up for lost time tomorrow and talk about anything you want." Lucien says, picking me up. I rub the slight stubble on his chin. I frown at the prickling feeling. "I'll get rid of it tomorrow. Don't worry." He smiles.
Lucien tucks me in, leaving to get ready for bed himself. Once he joins me, I curl up at his side. "Thank you for coming back, Lulu….I missed you so much." I murmur into his neck.
Lucien hums in acknowledgement. "I missed you as well. It was tempting to give up on everything to come home to you." Lucien places my hand on his chest, covering it with his large one.
"I love you Layla." He says with a peck on the lips. "I love you too, Lucien." I babble somewhat coherently. I fall asleep next to him, Lucien holding me softly and breathing lightly. Things are back to order now.
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korra-the-red-lion · 3 years
Text
Lonely.
I will forever be salty that LoT doesn’t let Sara explore her grief a bit more, it seems. Anyway, enjoy some angst with a happy ending!
---
Sara put down the make-up brush and stared at herself in the mirror. It wasn’t a lot, but she felt confident in what she did for herself. Lightly, she put on the finishes touches to her lips and was ready for the big event.
In just a few short hours she’d be marrying the love of her life.
But why did her heart feel so heavy? Shouldn’t she be overjoyed that she was marrying Ava? But it only took one quick glance to the photo sitting her in locket to remind her why she felt this way. Laurel and Oliver smiled up at her, their faces alive and happy. Sara picked up the locket, holding it gently in her hand. At least Oliver got to marry the life of his life, Laurel never even got that chance. Both men she loved were tragically ripped away from her, before her own life was as well.
Although Laurel told her it was the right decision, Sara couldn’t help but still feel guilty that she didn’t use the Loom of Fate to bring her back. Why did someone like her get so many chances at life yet her sister didn’t? It was a cruel thing, fate was. Sara would have gladly given one of her several returns to life in exchange for Laurel to be here on her wedding day.
And Oliver too, who would never see his daughter grow old. How was it fair that someone who gave so much and rarely asked for anything in return was not allowed this once in a lifetime opportunity. At least Mia had Felicity, who was one tough cookie. It just felt like some cosmic joke to her. Oliver wasn’t perfect, but he deserved to grow old with his wife and children.
Sara blew a frustrated breath through pursed lips. She needed to stop thinking about this. About them. Today was supposed to be about her happiness, her love. About her and Ava finally retiring from saving the universe and enjoying life. It wasn’t an easy decision for them to make, especially for her. Sara had been fighting since she was teenager. What would the domestic life feel like? Going for walks with having to watch your back? Talking about that silly thing the neighbours did with Ava? Sara honestly couldn’t even picture it in her mind.
There was a knock at her door, startling from her thoughts. Sara put on a brave face and called out, “Come in!”
Nyssa walked into the room with a smile adorning her face. Sara smiled back, but Nyssa was not fooled. She had known Sara for a very long time and knew when she was hiding her feelings. Nyssa closed the door softly before turning to face her former love.
“What is wrong, Beloved?”
Sara smiled softly at the familiar expression. “It’s nothing, really. Just got thinking.”
“Thinking about what?”
“How much I miss them,” she said, looking down at the locket again.
Nyssa nodded in understanding as she came to sit next to Sara. “I miss them as well. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you.”
Sara clutched the locket, holding it to her heart. “I wish they could be here to see this. I want to let them know that I only got this far because of their support. Especially Laurel’s…” the tears welled up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.
“Sara…” Nyssa reached for her hand, squeezing it in comfort. “They may not be here physically, but I know Oliver and your sister. They’re watching from wherever they are currently. They would be so happy for you, so happy that you found the love they wished for you. Do you understand that?”
“I do,” said Sara with a small voice, “but that doesn’t make me miss them any less.”
Nyssa hugged Sara tightly. All she could hope was that Sara could feel her emotions through the hug. That it was okay to grief those you’ve lost, you just cannot let it consume you. Sara hugged back just as tightly, wondering when the emptiness in her heart would finally feel a little more whole.
Another knock at the door broke the pair apart. Ray stuck his head into the room, his smile instantly dropping when he saw Sara. He wasted no time in walking across the floor and scooping the tiny assassin into a bear hug.
“I have no idea what’s upsetting you, Sara, but I’m not going to let it ruin your wedding day,” he said firmly.
“Ray…”
Ray put Sara onto the floor before getting to work straightening out her wedding dress. “Sara, I’ve known you for a very long time. Heck, I think you’re my oldest friend at this point. You were there for me when Nora and I tied the knot. We were there for each other through all the hardships that we’ve face. I would never let you do this alone.” Ray stepped back to make sure there wasn’t a single wrinkle left. With a satisfied nod, Ray placed a gentle hand on Sara’s shoulder.
“You deserve happiness and peace, Sara Lance,” said Ray with watery eyes. “I believe that more than anything else in the world.”
Sara swallowed thickly while blinking out tears. “Thank you…” She fanned at her laugh with a wet laugh. “Oh God, my make-up. Ava is going to freak out if I don’t get a move on things.”
“I believe I can help with that,” said Nyssa with a smirk. She held up the eye make-up with a fire in her eyes. “I am quite good with my hands, after all.”
Sara burst out into laughter while Ray looked pleasantly confused. Together, Ray and Nyssa got Sara ready to walk down the aisle.
XXX
Quentin looked like he was trying his hardest not to cry as he walked his daughter down the aisle. Sara squeezed his arm tightly as they did, trying to keep her raging emotions in check.
“I’m so happy for you, baby,” he said in a choked whisper.
“Thanks, dad.” Sara sniffled slightly. “I’m really happy too.”
He gave her a kiss on the cheek as he left her at the alter. He joined his wife in the front row. Sara took in the crowd. Jax and his wife were here with their kids. Thea and Roy were in the crowd chatting quietly to Dinah. Sara couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow when she noticed that Dinah had her pinkie finger linked with Laurel 2.0. That was unexpected. Barry and Iris were sitting next to Kara, Alex, Lena, and Kelly. Ray waved to her, his arm linked with a very happy looking Nora, who was also waving. Mona was seated next to Gary, who was already ugly crying. Nate was on Ray’s right side, and he was beaming up at Sara, Zari holding his free hand. Charlie was with her band, providing the music for the wedding. Amaya came from the past to also watch her former captain and friend tie the knot. She was seated next to the Hawks, which they had been hard to track down, but Kendra had been Sara’s first friend aboard the Waverider, and there was no way she was going to miss this for the world. Nyssa sat with Sin, who was looking so much older than Sara last remembered.
All her friends and family were here, and it was a wonderful sight to see.
Charlie looked up towards the doorway and motioned to her band to start playing the music. Sara’s heart was beating like crazy with anticipation as the doors swung open.
Ava walked out from behind the curtains. Her smile was wide and there were already tears in her eyes as she walked towards Sara. Her dress was nothing fancy, but that’s exactly what suited her best. Mick was walking her down the aisle. They had an unlikely friendship, but Ava had helped Mick with so many things in his life, he felt it only fair to return a favour. There were tears in his eyes as he helped her up the steps. He gave Sara a quick nod before clomping back down to take his seat next to Spooner, who was sitting with Astra and Behrad.
“Alright,” said Diggle with a clearing of his throat. “Sara and Ava both asked that this not be fancy. Sara said to me, ‘I already have enough drama in my life, I don’t need it at my wedding too,’ and I couldn’t agree more.”
This drew laughs from the crowd.
“So, Sara, do you have anything you want to say to Ava?” asked Diggle.
Sara nodded quickly. “Ava, I just want to say that you’ve made me the happiest girl in the world. You just get me, and that is so important. We’ve had our rough patches, but we always got through them together. You’ve been with me through thick and thin. I love you so much that it makes me lie awake at night thinking about it. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” She smiled brightly, ignoring the tears that flowed freely down her face now.
“Ava, do you have anything you want to say to Sara?”
“Yes.” Ava took a deep shaky breath. Sara could feel the tremors in her hands as she spoke. “I hated you the first time I saw you.” Everyone laughed at that, including Sara and Ava. “But you slowly broke down my walls and taught me how to really live. If it wasn’t for you, I probably would still be working for Rip, without ever realizing the person I could have been. You helped me because the best version of me, because that’s what’s being a person is all about. Helping each other grow. I hope that we can continue to do just that, because you’ll be spending every moment with me, and I can’t wait.”
Diggle smiled at the two of them before saying. “Okay, well, go ahead then!”
Sara dipped Ava and gave her the most passionate kiss she could muster. It would take some time, but she was hopeful that Ava would help her fill the hole in her heart. She already had, in some way. Because Sara knew that this right here meant that she was no longer lonely. She would always grieve the death of her Laurel, her wonderful and beautiful sister, and her best friend in Oliver. But she also knew that Ava would always be there for her, every step of the way.
And she was ready to see where that path led.
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