#thank you for asking me about this ep! i figure most people want me to shut up about it lol

[carefulfears]

speak more about closure (the episode)!!

oh my god literally always. i could talk about sein und zeit & closure every day and never run out of things to say.

(i've talked about it a bit before, here and here.)

i was thinking about recently, this final shot of sein und zeit. how devastating it is. how empty and brutal and mortal it is. how representative it is of what this episode has to say.

mulder has spent his whole life believing that children who go missing from their homes do not die, wanting to believe. he spends this whole episode clinging to that belief.

in the end, he stands alone, separated slightly from the others, over 24 tiny graves. there's no easy out, there's no groundbreaking conspiracy or mythos. there's nothing but dirt and bones and a man in blue jeans.

this is the same conclusion that he had faced the day before, in regards to his mother's death. he walked in with the most hopeful answer, spun up an explanation that would make sense, and in the end, was wrong.

in the end, sometimes it's pills and fumes. sometimes it's purely corporeal, sometimes there's nothing to find solace in.

and so closure opens on the graves of 24 children. teams of men unearthing them, digging in the dirt. one of them with tears streaming down his face.

after seven seasons, we're nearing the end of the road, and there is none of mulder's perfectly reassuring celestial faith in sight.

in the midst of all of this, scully is ever-steady in her facts, and she takes a deep breath before calmly relaying information about the murders to mulder, who doesn't look up from studying the footage of the kids.

when conversation turns to samantha, he sits back to confess that he had badly wanted to find her in one of those graves. he admits, "i guess i just want it to be over."

a long way from "nothing else matters to me" in bellefleur, from shaky relief over fabric hearts, from letters written about goals of reunification, there's resignation before acceptance.

one of my favorite moments of the series is towards the end of sein und zeit when mulder says that they should just go home. that they are not going to find those people's daughter alive, despite the days he had spent insisting to anyone who would listen that they could.

when he says that he is too close to the case, and he wants to take some time away from work.

seven years after scully chased him into the street and yelled for him to stop running after his sister, the morning after she followed him into a hallway to tell him not to go looking for something that he does not want to find, the person whose "relentlessness" has kept him searching for nearly 30 years, just wants to go home.

after mulder says that he just wants it all to stop, and a brief wavering confrontation immediately after, scully heads back to DC and begins her search.

i think it's so important that it took nearly a decade of this "search" for scully to ever even see the file.

despite what they might tell you, this journey has never been the search for samantha. it's why so many leads were left unfollowed, so many questions remained unasked, so many misdirects were accepted without inquiry.

this has never been a search for samantha, it has been a quest to keep searching. a desire to believe, a grasp for hope.

scully has always understood this, so seven years after joining the pursuit, only after mulder said he's ready to stop, she starts looking.

i love this scene between her and agent schoniger, going over mulder's old therapy tapes and seeking expert opinion.

closure spells out in plain terms what has been explicit since the pilot, that aliens and x-files and spectral theory, are all a means to an end.

schoniger tells scully that the "garden-variety compensatory abduction fantasy," is just that, a fantasy that allows for hope, allows for pursuit.

when she asks what he thinks happened to samantha, he shows her the FBI's file. how the treasury department was involved. how much effort went into an investigation, due to bill mulder's status in the government. how nothing was ever found.

he offers the FBI theory. she was kidnapped in the house. body disposed of. never found. it was 1973, predatory crime wasn't as evolved at the bureau.

he asks why she would bring this back up now, and she tells him that it is what mulder is owed. that this wound has never healed, and mulder deserves closure.

back in sacramento, mulder is asleep while planet of the apes plays on the motel television ("there's got to be an answer." "don't look for it, taylor. you may not like what you find," the dialogue that plays through the room.)

as the film rolls, there's a knock at the door, and mulder wakes up to let his friendly neighborhood psychic harold in, and continue their journey.

"what are you afraid of?" mulder is asked outside a military base, continuing the theme of vulnerability in pursuit. of how precarious it is to really seek, when you don't know where you'll end up.

meanwhile, scully returns to tena's house, searching through the remains of what she burned at the end of her life, and finds a document in the garbage signed "C.G.B.S."

she identifies the report as the original copy of the form that effectively ended the FBI's investigation into samantha's disappearance, and the initials as belonging to c.g.b. spender, an alias of the cigarette smoking man.

when she calls mulder to tell him what she found, he's dismissive, and against questioning CSM, but a confrontation at her apartment leads to a warning to stop looking.

you may not like what you find.

as mulder and harold make their way to albatross street.

where they find handprints in cement marked "samantha," in the yard outside of military housing. next to a matching set marked with the name of CSM's son, jeffrey.

scully flies back to sacramento, remaining steadfast, just as she was in the beginning, as she tells mulder about her conversation with CSM. as she tells him that she was told samantha is dead.

mulder, however, is eternally going in "an endless line, two steps forward and three steps back," like she said years ago. miles from his own position at the start, just wanting it to be over is easier said than done, and he's reverting back to the previous theories and fantasies that he's always fallen back on.

though scully tries, this is ultimately not her burden, and she joins mulder and harold as they make their way back to albatross street, where a trip to the house uncovers a journal left behind by samantha.

"she tells him, after his mother dies and his sister writes to them from beyond her adolescent grave, that she’s not going to leave him. she means it as an argument." - tracklist by audries

it is so much easier to live in delusion of our choosing. it is so much easier to look away, to take three steps back, to mask the suffering of the world and of the people we love. it's so much easier to seek comfort in innocence.

but it means something to bear witness. it means something that this little girl was playing a game with her brother one moment, and the next was not, and she was not unharmed and abducted by aliens. it means something that someone knows that.

mulder and scully sit in an empty diner together, two untouched cups of coffee in front of them, and they bear witness.

they read, in her own words, about the tests that were being performed on her. about how she wasn't even treated like a person. about how much she hated it, and how they didn't care.

if you pause on samantha's diary, you can see phrases that mulder doesn't read aloud, like "more tests. more pain. will it ever end?"

"..dream of being with my family. sitting on the beach, playing volleyball...instead, i'm trapped in this cold dark room"

"why can't it all just go away? i'm too young. i didn't do anything wrong."

after so many years of a name in a file, a picture on a desk, a hopeful dream; they sit and they cry and they take in her own words and her own experience.

they read about how she planned on running away. how she just couldn't take it anymore, but she was sure they would kill her if she tried. how she didn't care, she just wanted it to stop. "no more."

they read about how her memories were altered, but she thought she had a brother, and she just wished she could see him. how she hoped he would read this someday and know that.

at the end of the road, there is no closure. there is no "beyond the sea."

there is only mulder and scully looking up at stars, a familiar sight to tie in the mythology of this two-parter.

referencing the theory that was posited in sein und zeit, and then again later by harold, mulder says that maybe they are souls. traveling through time in the starlight.

when scully tells him to "go get some sleep," he laughs; in the same way he did when she said those words years earlier, over scraps of fabric and nightmares of missing girls.

but unlike paper hearts, he complies, and the next scene opens on him asleep back at the motel. the television off and silent, for possibly the first time in the series.

scully wakes him up the next morning, with the police report of a 14-year-old hostage runaway from 1979 in her hand.

"i got it, mulder. i couldn't believe it when i found it. it's like it was looking for me."

following the lead to the hospital records, this is so reminiscent of their early adventure days. back when they were running around searching, back before they were afraid of what they'd find.

mulder uncovers the medical report, a 14-year-old girl who wouldn't give a name and exhibited signs of paranoia. the records note "evidence of probable self-inflicted abuse," small scars on her knees, wrists, and chest from the tests that were being done on her.

once again, sometimes answers are flesh and blood.

"i have this...powerful feeling and i can't explain it, that this is the end of the road."

at the home of the nurse who signed the intake form, mulder hangs back by the car, and scully asks if he's ready, if he wants her to go herself.

this is the moment that makes me emotional the most, i feel like. when scully in all of that steadfast logic and reason goes up alone, to speak to the last person who ever saw samantha alive.

and after seven years of countering every theory, of reigning in blind hope, of skepticism and science, you can tell that part of her stands on that porch and just prays for aliens. prays to have been wrong.

she listens as the nurse describes the young teenager that you remember for how frightened she was, "scared for her sweet life."

and the man who came for her, who would not put out his cigarette.

and that she just disappeared out of a locked room, after the nurse had seen a vision of her dead. an experience in line with that of the parents in sein und zeit, and the theory of children transported in starlight, spared from violent deaths.

this story is not without grace, and there is something to offer mulder in the end, as he's lead to a forest where many souls are waiting. including harold's son, amber lynn lapierre, and a young girl who starts running to him.

i love the tone of this scene. disparate from the original script, which called for them to be crying, they are overjoyed. this is something, after all these years and all this pain. this is holographic, inadequate, reunification. and it is too much and not enough at the same time.

returning from the woods, scully asks where he went, and he answers, "end of the road."

he turns to harold, and tells him that they're all dead. his son, amber lynn, samantha. and it's okay.

"we both have to let go, harold."

but it's not everyone's time to put down the search, and harold still wants to believe, insisting that he will keep looking.

where this episode opened in dirt and bones, it closes in starlight and freedom, the end of the road a balance between realism and hope.

between the mortal evil of "the truth" and the faith that allows you to survive what you find; it's not somewhere you can go alone, or before you're ready.

there is no closure. but there's acceptance, and there's the relief that comes with knowing that someone will always be remembered, even if you go home and get some sleep.

[thrillered]

"You Know I Mountain Dew It For Ya" | Spencer Agnew x Reader | Pt. 6

Pt. 6: the pod

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You sat at the smosh mouth desk, sipping on a mountain dew kickstart that you stole from Spencer. You figured if you were going to talk about your song you should have mt dew, as fanservice. The crew was finalizing camera settings and waiting for Amanda and Shayne. 

“This kinda sucks” You said, taking another sip of your drink. 

“Ouuu, i’m gonna tell spencer.” Kiana teased. Earning an eye roll from you.

After a few minutes everyone was ready to record. “Hello everyone and welcome back to Smosh Mouth, I’m Shayne.” 

“And I’m Amanda. And today we have a very very special guest, all the way from big hollywood and the desk around the corner from mine, Y/N” 

“Big Hollywood wow” You laughed. 

“You have skyrocketed in fame.” Shayne comments. 

You sighed deeply, “Yeah…” 

“Uh Oh, that doesn’t sound good.” Amanda responds. 

“No no It’s really awesome it’s just been different, I guess.” You began, “I’ve been in the public eye for quite a while now but, obviously, never like this.”

“Let’s rewind a little,” Shayne interjected, “you guys know Y/N, she’s been with Smosh for years now. At this point, dare I say, one of the most loved cast members.”

“Oh stop it.” You giggled.

“Well it’s true, everyone loves you. Especially me.” Amanda jokes.

“I can see the fan edits already. Wait, we need to stare at each other longingly.” You piled on. 

“Anyway,” Shayne laughed, “What a lot of people don’t know, well not anymore, is that you are a musician as well.” 

“Yes, I’ve been writing music my entire life but I started producing my music about a year before I joined Smosh. I got much more serious about it thanks to Josh, shoutout josh.” You explained. “I have a stockpile of songs, I’ve only released a few though.” 

“You have two albums out right?” Amanda asked.

“Yeah I have two albums, three EPs, and three singles, the newest being everyone's favorite Espresso.”

You continued bantering, answering questions and talking about your career. You enjoyed how much both Shayne and Amanda cared about what you had to say, being able to deepdive into some of your music was a lot of fun. You even learned that Shayne listened to your entire discography over the weekend. 

“Let’s get into the juicy stuff” Amanda began, “We sent out a community post where people could ask Y/N questions so let’s get into some of those.” 

“First up is from Gianna L: What was the inspiration behind Espresso?” 

“I really just wanted to make something fun and bright. A lot of my music comes from a very vulnerable place but I’ve just been so happy that this song stems from that. I’ve felt like myself and truly I have smosh to thank for that.” You rambled, “Okay to wrap it up, Espresso was inspired by being confident and loving yourself because it makes you irresistible.”

“I actually love that so much,” Amanda smiles. 

“Yeah that type of thinking is important,” Shayne adds, “I would know, I have a psychology degree.” 

You answered some more questions regarding your creative process and your lyrics. You got to talk about how you make coffee for the whole office almost everyday in regards to the lyric: “That morning coffee brewed it for ya”. Then the inevitable happened.

“The most asked questions are about Spencer.” Shayne began, “For those of you who don’t know, Spencer is the director of the games channel and is often in videos as well.” 

“But most importantly,” You cut Shayne off, “he’s my best friend.” You finished, earning a few ‘awww’s from the room. “Believe me, I have seen the conspiracy theories and comments about “Spenspresso”-- great name by the way. And yes, some of the lyrics were inspired by my dear friend. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him and since this song is about finding confidence I had to give a nod to my best buddy, one of the people who have always supported me and made me into the best version of myself.” 

You laughed, “I wish I could give a more juicy answer but it’s just a little thank you to my best friend. That doesn’t mean I want the edits to stop, I do love those, and the fan art. Me and Spencer send them to each other constantly.” 

You wrapped up the podcast, hoping confessing your platonic love for Spencer was enough to keep the heat off of you for a while. That is until you stare at Spencer for too long in the next games video and people clip it. 

—

“How was the pod?” Spencer asked, setting his lunch down and sitting in the chair next to you.

“It went well, It was actually so much fun to talk about myself for so long,” You jested. “You’re gonna get an ego boost out of it though.” 

“And why is that?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow and sending you a knowing smirk, the action making the tips of your ears hot. 

“Oh shut up.” You shoved his chair away playfully. He quickly scooted it back to you, even closer than before, your knees bumping each other. 

You both finished your lunches quickly, Spencer opting to head back to his desk to work. You followed him, sitting on a couch near him, scrolling through your phone until you heard a few muffled “fuck fuck fuck”s coming from Spencer. 

You got up and stood behind him looking at his monitor. “What’s wrong?” You asked. 

“Nothing, it’s just an issue with the audio of the last games video, I don’t think it’ll be able to be recovered” He responded, his shoulders tightening as he rubbed a stressed hand over his face. 

You knew Spencer worked really hard on that video, he had been so excited to have the cast play the game and now it seems like it will never see the light of day. 

“I’m sorry Spence,” you said, knowing there wasn’t much you could do to help. Noticing how tense he was you placed your hands on his shoulders and began massaging them, working at the many knots. 

He let out a low groan as you pushed into a particularly nasty spot on his shoulder. As you worked your fingers through his neck and shoulders his groans turned into sighs of relief. 

“That feel any better?” You asked, hoping you could assist your friend. 

He rolled his neck a few times, “Holy fuck, that’s actually so much better. How did you do that?” 

“I took a single massage class in college for a random credit I needed.” you replied, running your fingers through his hair as he tilted his head back to look at you. 

“You’ve gotta do that more often, I feel like I got my damn neck replaced.” He laughed. 

“You just let me know, I learned back, hands, and legs too so..” You trailed off, winking at him, relishing in the pink hue that graced his features. “Lunch is almost over, I gotta go, I’m filming ‘you posted that?’. I’ll see you later, love ya Spency”  You smiled, grabbing his hand and leaving a feather light kiss on his knuckles before walking away. 

“You are so whipped dude.” 

Spencer spun around to the source of the sound, seeing Alex Tran standing on the other side of the desks. 

“God, is it really that obvious?” Spencer questioned. 

“I wish you could’ve seen the googly eyes you were just sending Y/N,” Alex laughed, “Like, the whole office can feel the tension.” 

“It’s not tension if it’s one sided.” Spencer rebutted. 

“One sided my ass, she’s totally into you, has been forever, if I had to guess.”

Spencer thought about Alex’s words. Could you really feel the same way as him? He’s a smart guy, he knows that, so could he really have been so stupid this whole time to think you were just friends? 

[cinnamonest]

Okay so! I appreciate all of the messages everyone has sent me, thank you for that <3

I just got back and have been looking at my notifications, I also got a lot of questions, some of which were recurring so I figured I can make one post addressing them:

>What happened

I'm fine, my guess is my working circumstances + short daylight hours triggered some kind of prolonged depressive phase. I am type II bipolar (I can't recall if I've ever mentioned that here or not), so I have regular manic and depressive phases, they're just not usually so intense. I'm seeing my psychiatrist in a month so I'm going to ask her for her thoughts on avoiding it reoccuring.

> Have I played fontaine arc

Unfortunately I'm not caught up, due to the aforementioned issues I also neglected hobbies/media consumption and haven't logged in in a while. I intend to get to this soon and then I can answer stuff about it!

> Did I finish HxH/am I going to make HxH content

Yes I did! I had a few eps left when I went into the depressive phase, so I just picked it back up and finished it while I was traveling this weekend.

I really enjoyed it, so I'd love to write content for it (if that's what The People™ want as well? Let me know)

> Have I played HSR

Unfortunately I can't play Star Rail because it's not on PS4 :( I hope to save up for a PS5 so when I can get one, I'll play it.

> What am I working on

There's a few things I'm either actively on or would like to do!

1) proofreading Diluc escape fic I've had sitting around forever (will post today or tomorrow)

2) another Hybrid post I started a while back (almost done)

3) I haven't checked on it in a while, so I was pleasantly surprised to learn Malebolge (the Morax failed escape fic) is by far the most popular thing I've ever written, a lot of people wanted a sequel so I've started the bare bones drafting of a sequel for it.

4) I might go back and finish the scara failed escape fic I mentioned all the way back in late 2022, I eventually got over the heel-turn dislike I developed (read: I have erased everything post 2.1 from my brain), I was already like 10k words into it so it feels like a waste to not do so. But I'm not sure, I'll just have to see how it goes

5) Sifting through old WIPs/drafts to maybe finish some, maybe start making hxh content etc

[lurkingshan]

Hiii Shan,

I cannot remember for the life of me if I asked you about it or not and tumblr search does not help. I've been listening to the @the-conversation-pod round-up ep and apart from making me burst out laughing in public transport, it got me thinking about 'I Cannot Reach You' and the friends-to-lovers trope. Have you ever listed your fav dramas that use it? If not, can I ask for one pretty pretty please?

Thank you for listening to the @the-conversation-pod! And this is such a good question, because friends to lovers is actually a hard trope to get right and often isn't executed that well. It's also a term that is often misapplied to mean something more like friendly to lovers, aka a romance that starts out with the main pair meeting and keeping things platonic for awhile before they escalate to romance.

A true execution of the friends to lovers trope in its purest form is a relationship change narrative, and that requires an established and important friendship, a major transition in the way both members of the pair view each other, and most importantly, lots of angst. If there's no serious anxiety and fear about the changing feelings and losing the friendship present in the narrative, it's not actually friends to lovers, it's just a natural romantic relationship progression. So something like Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, while a great story about a pair of college students who establish a friendship before eventually realizing they like each other, is not really a FTL as defined here. And my beloved Sing My Crush doesn't qualify either, because romantic feelings were present the entire time, just suppressed.

So with those parameters set, there are only a handful of dramas I think have done this really well. Onto the list:

I Cannot Reach You

You already mentioned this one, so let me just reiterate what I said on the podcast: it's the best friends to lovers bl ever made. This story absolutely nails the relationship change arc and puts us in Kakeru's shoes as he realizes his best friend since childhood 1) is gay and 2) has developed feelings for him, and takes us along for the ride as he decides what he wants to do with that. Yamato is the absolute picture of tortured angst and the whole thing is excruciating in the best way, because it makes the payoff so very sweet.

Fight For My Way

I am pretty sure I have recommended this show to you before, and I will keep right on doing it because it's a fantastic romcom and my favorite friends to lovers drama of all time. This one is heavier on the comedy beats, but still gets to the heart of the fear and anxiety, and also goes deep on how hard it is when one of the friends clues into their feelings much sooner than the other and hangs in as a loyal friend while nursing their wounded heart in private. Watching Dong Man finally figure out what the hell is going on and catch up to Ae Ra was one of the greatest pleasures of my years of drama watching.

Theory of Love

I said what I said and I meant it! This drama is controversial because it hits the angst really hard and pushes the characters to some ugly places and some people just can't deal, but it's such an authentic portrayal of how much it hurts to be in love with your oblivious friend, and how much we hurt ourselves by not being honest about our feelings in a misguided attempt to protect the relationship we already have. I love it dearly and will defend it to anyone.

Romance Is A Bonus Book

A bit on the lighter side, watching this drama is like curling up on the couch in a cozy sweater with your favorite book and a cup of tea. It manages to both take the relationship arc seriously while never once making you doubt that these friends will be okay, because they are truly ride or die. There is also an age gap at play here, so we have the added bonus of watching Dan Yi wrestle with her changing feelings for her best friend that she has always thought of as a little brother. I will never forget her staring into the mirror to practice telling Eun Ho "I don't see you as a man" and getting increasingly desperate as she realizes that is no longer true. *chef's kiss*

My Only 12%

See-iw and Cake, my beloveds! I love this pair a lot, and think this drama is a fantastic example of how powerful the friends to lovers trope can be when combined with a queer awakening and the added layer of fear that brings to the story in a non-bubble show. The arc of their close childhood friendship morphing through time, separation, and changing identities is so so good. This one comes with a caveat because the last two episodes of the show are abruptly bad and weird (New Siwaj *shakes fist*) but happily, the FTL arc is already complete by then and none of the nonsense messes with the couple.

Hospital Playlist

I know you know this one, but I cannot possibly finish this list without talking about Ik Jun and Song Hwa. This is such a slooooooooooow burn that plays out over 24 episodes, and it's brilliantly done. What I like most about this take on the trope is how mature and adult it is; these two are 40 year old booked and busy professionals, and they also value their friendship more than anything. I love that you get the whole arc of their relationship over 20 years as they meet, have initial sparks, don't get together for reasons, genuinely settle into a platonic friendship and date and even marry other people, and then realize their feelings are changing again later in life. The payoff after all this time and patience and quiet yearning is so beautifully earned.

[likealittleheartbeat]

hiyya!

this is something i've seen come up quite often in recent discourse about zuko, and about how he doesn't truly learn to let go of his prejudices linked to his upbringing by the final.

he is often criticized (i think rightfully so) for his treatment of aang in 'the southern raiders' ep: even though his actions may be fuelled by his desperation to make up with katara, and his own feelings of grief and anger, he is still too dismissive of (or one might say offensive towards) aang's advice and, consequentially, the philosophy of the air nomads.

in the final coronation scene, we see him acknowledge the fact that "the avatar is the real hero", and he swears to rebuild his nation "in love and peace", which definitely shows a fundamental change in his values. but. i wonder if he has matured enough to be able to respect aang as not just the avatar, but as an air nomad as well; if he has learned to appreciate not only his heroism, but his philosophy too.

i thought i'd ask your opinion on this since i really enjoy your reading of zuko and aang's relationship. how do you reconcile zuko's often dismissive nature with seeing him as aang's best friend and soulmate, the one who should be the most understanding of him?

thank you if you end up answering this, i'll really appreciate it!:)

I just think a reading of zuko as not fully reformed by the end is...just...a really bad faith take of a show all about hope and belief and (dare I say it?) FAITH.

What the Southern Raiders episode shows and is supposed to show regarding both Zuko and Katara in relation to Aang is NOT their total disregard for his culture but their need to experience and appreciate values of his culture for themselves, which is a core tenet of, at least, Zen Buddhism, but I'm pretty sure it's pretty significant to other Buddhisms and Taoism. Aang points to the moon of forgiveness, but if they were to simply take him for his word, they would have only seen his finger pointing and never have seen the moon he had hoped to show them by pointing towards it.

There is this kind of analysis that people do of ATLA and plenty of other shows that focuses on the dialogue and plot-explicit actions in a series with a literal and almost mathematical approach, ignoring the emotional beats, the narrative arcs, the figurative meanings, and the poetic experiences the show invokes. Often these kind of takes are sociological (focused on societal organizational structures and the identities they impose) and/or super rationalist (interested in the continuities and reasoning within a show as if a work of art and its characters must behave realistically). And they tend to be weaponized to denigrate a show or character (although both critique strategies could be and have been used to praise). The issue with both being used exclusively or even in tandem is how intellectual they are. They disregard emotional experiences for characters, for creators, and for the audience. I'm not inviting people to flip entirely to an emotional response--clearly I prefer a pretty intellectual approach myself. But a path that can bring in the heart and the mind into an analysis that is generous and wise ought to be the end goal, not necessarily of a single piece of writing but of your overall collaborative contribution to the analysis.

To get back to your question now, it's pretty hard for me to see Zuko, as the fucking emperor at his own coronation, saying that he should not be celebrated but instead giving the glory over to "the Avatar" as anything other than Zuko putting the value of humility so important to the air nomads into practice. And then we see him accepting help from Mai to put on his robe, serving tea to the gaang in Ba Sing Se (which demonstrates the reopened connections with the other nations), and naming his friendship with Aang, not the Avatar but Aang! Idk what more people want.

I have a guess, though. People want perfection. They want Zuko to jump beyond the limits of his narrative and history to be a political ideal that will never falter, that can say all the right words (somehow in the last five minutes of the series), that won't provide the springboard for the modernity that comes about in Korra. They want his "redemption arc" to be about "redemption" in the Christian sense, the deliverance from sin and its consequences into a post-show afterlife of purity. The purpose of the Avatar and the lesson Aang both learns and teaches his friends is about aiming for balance and the value of humanity. That is the key value he brings from the air nomads, and it's the one Zuko has integrated for himself by the end of the series. It doesn't mean he did everything right by Aang once he joined the gaang, only that he stopped demanding perfection from himself and others, easing the frustration and self-hatred that had plagued him. He also doesn't need to blindly agree with Aang or Katara's ideas just because they were marginalized by his people (and him directly lol), but Zuko's field trips are all about him observing and supporting others, which requires him to accept that he has more to learn and that's okay.

Humility is so unpopular in the discourse where I'm at rn because it's seen as self-effacement, when, in fact, humility has more traditionally been understood as acknowledging and expressing gratitude for the people, circumstances, and gifts that have allowed you to be in the position your in and have the chance, skill, and responsibility to act. Aang expresses humility in the choices he makes to acknowledge his culture. Zuko does this as he acknowledges Aang and the guiding force of the Avatar.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Dog Days of BL but July is Incoming

June 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m finding the time frames confusing. Still, a lovely crying kiss + a very high drama-lllama gay confession. Kitchen counter make out, my fav! The actor who plays Jeng kisses at MaxTul levels, which is to say = like a man who has actually done it before with genuine desire and is capable of portraying that on screen. (What makes MaxTul kings is that they BOTH do this.) Pat caught up, thank goodness. Also P’Jeng!!!! P’JENG!!! I love how intimate phi is when it’s been all khun prior. This is the Thai version of hyung slinging. Errotic linguistics, my fav. And ALL the work drama and homophobia fall out when you sleep with the boss. I really enjoy that the angst concerning their relationship has to do with the fact that this is an office romance. Lastly? I love Chot so much. Everyone needs a gay auntie. Also Bruce is SO DAMN GOOD. (I mean we knew he would be from Lovely Writer, but this... chef’s kiss.) 

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - There are enough meta-analysis on this one for me not to have to weigh in. Suffice it to say that I like what it’s trying to do, and I certainly appreciate the levels of consent and so forth but I’m not sure I actually like it as much now that we are swimming in high concept. Too much lying. I’m not sure I want my BL to make me think this hard. Also poly, boys = final answer. (Anyone else getting Color Rush flashbacks?) 

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I love Max now and forever, and I made some very bad puns in the Trash watch here. Otherwise I’m not super invested. 

Dinosaur Love (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop (The Yearbook people) so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs, after Remember Me? I swore never again. But there’s so little on right now, I’m falling on the pulp sword...  My initial thoughts? It’s an En of Love installment? What is going on? Why all this opening with the sides in a bar? Are we framing? Just move on to the 2 boys kissing! Don’t try to be clever, for fucks sake. Okay, good, the pulp has begun. I like soft wet-blanket Rak and his sad love life. I’m not wild about how aggressive Dino is plus insta-SINGING but I DO LIKE THAT HE’S OUT and knows what he wants which is refreshing. It’s trope filled nonsense (crash into me, instalove, sing feelings, floppy drunk, he’s in engineering, fast and bi-curious) also Dino used ter at first (how forward!) then he went to gu/mueng after rejection, while Rak uses khun & phi/pom. Love this for them. Despite my justified reservations with this production team imma stay watching. I need something on Sundays. * 

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 6fin - That’s it? Bullsheiit. No seriously. That’s my review. 3/10 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST WATCHED AND NEITHER DOES IT AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT.

* I got to say, you have only yourselves to blame for Dinosaur Love’s ranking. Once upon a time, I lived happily in ignorance of the Thai film industry. And then you all kept asking me extremely intelligent questions about it. And because I am a nosy little shit, I had to figure out what was going on. And now a BL like this, which ordinarily I would just love unconditionally, is a really scary place for me, because I know too much about the production house. The evils of too much information are all true. Remain happily in ignorance, I advise you, especially where BL is concerned. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Yechan is such a frank character it confuses all who meet him, also a truly terrible flirt. This is such a puppy/cat relationship. It was cute but it went too far into cringe for a KBL (for me). I don’t think Kdramas are good at farce (sorry), better if they stick with more subtle humor. It was a sweet ending tho, not too cheesy. Nice kiss for KBL but pretty rather than sexy. Full review below.

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - Oh, it’s GREAT. Damn it. There is a lot of subtext and things not being said. This is going to be one of those shows where it’s endlessly frustrating that they don’t just talk to each other. The crying first time was gut-wrenching. Ren is complicated & scarred & closed off. Kazuma is earnest & empathetic & thinks he’s unworthy - so will take whatever crumbs are handed to him. They are both giving parts of themselves away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. These 2 are gonna fuck each other up while they fuck and fuck with our hearts. Japan is giving us the Bed Friends that Thailand can never even imagine. There is absolutely no guarantee this will end happily (it’s from the Eternal Yesterday people) but it is guaranteed to be painful and beautiful along the way. Oh Japan, must you? I guess you must. 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 6 - I’m mostly confused by the catfishing & tarot side plots. But the mains sure act like bfs. To the point of our tiny jock idiot getting gay panicked by how much bfs they are. Surprise kiss! For everyone, it turns out. Yes I laughed. What? It was pat but also… FUNNY.

Tie The Knot (Pinoy YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - The main couple is adorable, but I’m not wild about the gay bashing blackmail side story. Still, it’s the best we’ve had from the Philippines in a while so I am keeping my fingers crossed. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 9 of 12 - Seriously? Bah Vinh = chemistry with EVERYONE. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - So Souta just disappears off to Singapore and doesn’t say anything to his boyfriend about it? And then comes back with the perfect plan and life for both of them? Oh Japan, must you? Review below. 

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) 12 eps - Spies reported that it's a real mess and not a hot one.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me. 

In case you missed it

BL Express reviewed The Egoest. Oh boy am I never going to watch that. 

One in a Hundred - Gaga dropped all 12 episodes (c.10 min ea) at once. This is a 2020 Chinese show. It’s not BL. And it has a laugh track. I watched the first & final eps and won’t bother with the rest. DNF

I finally watched the 2022 thing I should have. 

To Sir, With Love - REVIEW

This is a true lakorn with scenery chewing performances from an ensemble cast focused on family obligation and past sins, especially from the mother characters. It is a Thai tellenovella + Gone With the Wind but gay. That said? I loved it: A glorious central brother relationship (the best, made me cry), het romances, class divide + gay *gasp* main romance, the camp of it all! It’s like it was invented by drag queens. Arranged marriage, rebellion, cut sleeves, dramatic death with curses and regrets, beautiful if inaccurate costumes, secrets unraveling, cover ups, sparkle murder, sex herbs, coils within coils including snakes and death by glitter (is anything gayer on this earth?). It’s a WILD ride. It’s not BL. It’s not a romance, it’s a family drama Thorn Birds style but it does end happy for our gay boys. Like Manner of Death I’m struggling to rate something on a BL scale when it patently isn’t a BL. I think I have to give it exactly what I gave that show, 7/10 

I loved it, but not as a BL. 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS (over its BLness) 

Zenra Meshi - REVIEW

AKA Naked Dinner 

I have to be honest, I didn’t really like much about this show. The central premise was too odd and the main character too clumsy & slow on the uptake. I like the food, but there have been food-set BLs before that failed to meet expectations. Too many of them. This one joined that throng. Good ending tho. 7/10 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Love Tractor - REVIEW

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed, all my favorite tropes. This show was basically a light-weight Restart After Come Back Home and I’m not even slightly mad about that. 

But (and you knew there was a “but” coming) something about the cringe of the final 2 eps and the impermanence of the ending (both of which highlight the fact that ultimately these 2 are I’ll-suited: too different & too far apart) left me with the feeling that they probably won’t last as a couple. However, in this case, rare for me, I forgive it this finale for my love of the rest. 

I did dither a lot though, it’s not an 8 but not a 9 either. Better than Love Mate (8/10) not as good as The New Employee (9/10) but in the end I’m value adding up for the premise and the cast, giving it a 9/10. 

RECOMMENDED 

(Gotta say, because this is rare for me, that this had a great OST. Not the credit music but the refrain, Rainbow.) 

Next Week Looks Like This:

July 2023 Supposedly... 

7/3 Be Mine SuperStar (Thai Mon Viki) 12 eps - JaFirst whipping boy/spoiled prince, obsession, celebrity/mundane. Third-year film student Punn (Ja) gets an internship on the set of a drama. He’s come to learn, but "what lights his passion even more than the work" is leading man Achi, Thailand's sweetheart. Adapted from the novel “The Superstar and the Puppy on Set” (พี่พระเอกกับเด็กหมาในกอง) by Orpheus, cast includes Benjamin Brasier (2moons2), Bosston Suphadach (UWMA), Jo Kavinpat (War of Y), Kokliang (TharnType). Directed by David Bigander (Bite Me) which makes me nervous. Maybe he'll do better with an adaptation?

7/6 Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu ????) 12 eps - The story is a continuation of Minato & Shin's love story, and it picks up 10 years after the events of season 1 but the characters don't seemed to have grown at all. Very Japan of you, Japan.

7/7 Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 10 eps -  Gu Bu-Xia has the ability to hear ghosts, except when he is around his new roommate Jiang Chi. So he starts to find ways to approach Jiang Chi. But is it  the ghosts or Jiang Chi’s charm?

7/8 Low Frequency (Thai Sat YouTube?) 8 eps - ghost boyfriend, celebrity/mundane - Mon's life as a spirit-seeing interior decorator is full of headaches. On good days, he helps settle problems for his relative, who is a star manager. But then he gets involved with the spirit of Thames, a famous young actor who is in a coma.

7/9 Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - JoonDunk are back. Zo, a college freshman whose never been in love, decides to change it by making the college’s star Nita as his gf. He approaches Joke, Nita’s ex, for dating advice. What he fails to realize is that Joke has had his eyes on him for a long time and uses this opportunity to approach Zo. TMS 2.0.

7/15 Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat ????)  Stars the pair from To Sir With Love and with the same production team, cryptic description, but it seems to be Manner of Death esk.

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI)  - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not... that is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts.

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 (TutorYim rumored to cameo) this office romance features 2, yes 2! Bls. Seme looks aggressive, we in classic yaoi territory. There is an idol involved. Past failed flirts. I am very excited about this one.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

To Sir With Love

Best execution of the piggyback trope ever? I think so. 

Fucking GENIUS piece of acting. Bruce we LOVE you! 

All Step By Step 

It was stupid funny, okay? (Stupid Genius) 

Ridiculous man, you don’t have to eye fuck THAT hard. But we all appreciate it. (Vian) 

Dangerous thing to say in a show about identity in relationships. 

Brave boy.

I said this show was deep, not that I was. Although Patts seems to be going there. 

I’ll stop now.

All La Pluie. 

(Last week.)

[ladykyrin]

Would love to hear more about your Yohan’s Mother Fic idea/WIP, she's such an interesting not-there character. Thank you :)

Thank you so much for asking!! I’m very excited about this WIP so I’m grateful for the opportunity to talk about it 😂

So, for this fic, my take on Yohan’s mother is that she was a sex worker who had him at a young age—somewhere between 20 and 22—and wanted to keep and raise him, but couldn’t afford to without financial support from Jisang. When Jisang refused to give her any money, she left Yohan on the Kangs’ property and called Jisang to tell him that she’d done so, believing that Yohan would be much better off being raised as part of a wealthy family. She never anticipated that he would be abused; she only wanted the best for him. As Yohan grew up, she kept tabs on him from afar, watching him rise through the ranks in the justice system and eventually skyrocket to fame as the chief judge of the Live Court Show. For a variety of reasons, she never reached out.

This WIP is set post-canon, starting about a month after Yohan’s visit at the end of ep. 16. After Yohan’s “death,” Yohan’s mother—whom I’ve named Junhee—decides she can no longer bear not knowing anything about her late son beyond his public persona. Knowing that Gaon worked closely with Yohan, she reaches out to him, hoping to learn more about Yohan. Gaon agrees to meet with her; he’s relieved to have a chance to talk to someone about what Yohan was really like beneath the charming facade he presented to the public. He finds that telling her stories about Yohan and Elijah helps to alleviate his loneliness in the wake of the Kangs’ departure. One meeting turns into many, and Gaon and Junhee bond. Along the way, Junhee starts to figure out that Gaon was (is) in love with Yohan; meanwhile, Gaon struggles with the guilt he feels over keeping Yohan’s survival a secret from Junhee.

I know where it’s going after that, but this summary is already getting really long 😅 I’ll happily share more if people are interested, though! I started outlining this idea six months ago, and though I’ve barely put any of it into prose, I think about it constantly.

Here’s a little snippet from what I’ve written of the first chapter; it’s a piece of a flashback where Gaon remembers Yohan buying him suits.

Yohan lifted a striped tie from a shelf, turning it this way and that under the light. After a few moments, he returned to Gaon and held the tie against his collar, knuckles brushing lightly against his throat. A beat passed, and then he nodded, apparently satisfied.

“We’ll take this,” he said, handing the tie off to the assistant who was hovering nearby.

“How much is that?” Gaon asked, resisting the urge to rub his neck. “My budget is limited, you know.”

“Your budget is irrelevant.” Yohan crossed his arms and addressed the tailor. “He’ll need three suits. One black, one charcoal, one navy.”

Gaon sputtered. “I agreed to one suit. Like I said—”

“Put it all on my usual card,” Yohan interrupted, shooting Gaon a sharp look. “He’ll need dress shirts and shoes as well, and something for formal events.”

Incredulous, Gaon said, “You are not buying me a whole new wardrobe.”

“Not a full wardrobe, no. Just necessities.” Yohan arched one eyebrow. “Unless you’d rather keep borrowing from me?”

Warmth climbed up Gaon’s neck. He’d long since moved most of his clothes from his house to the Kang mansion, but it was true that a couple of Yohan’s shirts—in addition to the clothes he’d worn to the Social Responsibility Foundation gala—remained in his closet, left over from the first week he’d stayed there. He’d dreaded the awkwardness that would ensue if he tried to return them, and Yohan had never complained, so Gaon had assumed their absence was going unnoticed.

Apparently not.

Thank you again for the ask! Please feel free to send another if you’d like to know more :)

[my-mt-heart]

Where's Daryl?

This was very difficult to write. It opened up a lot of old wounds for me, so if you read this, thank you. If my thoughts on this show haven’t been your cup of tea, that’ll most definitely be the case here as well, so maybe just move along. ***Trigger warning for discussion of childhood abuse***

For about a year and a half, Caryl fans asked Where's Carol? as a pointed reminder that the spinoff was always meant to be hers just as much as it was Daryl’s. Even though she's back now, her fans didn't always know she would be (nor did the EP's 🙄) so her absence during filming and promotion of the first season was a heavy burden to bear. The irony is, though “Daryl Dixon” sticks out like a sore thumb in that ridiculous font, he's the one who feels absent sometimes, as if important parts of his character development were lost when he washed ashore while other parts come and go as the plot demands.

Zabel talks about swapping Daryl's iconic vest for "old man" suspenders as a matter of pragmaticism i.e. they were the only clean clothes available. Norman says it was a choice he wanted for some unclear reason, but neither of them seem to consider the intelligence of their audience, particularly Carylers, to see it more symbolically. The costume change is our visual reminder that Daryl isn't himself. In some scenes he's chattier than he should be, far more trusting of strangers with personal details, and far more theatrical. Then in others, the differences are even more alarming. He calls a child cruel names, puts his hands on him, and feels conflicted about returning home to his family, to the woman he said he loved.

I mentally prepared myself for retcons, but the one I'm struggling with a lot right now, which I haven't seen anyone bring up yet, is the retcon of Daryl’s childhood abuse. Daryl tells Isabelle that he and Merle had to take apart engines and if they couldn't put them back together, their dad wouldn't let them have dinner. It's a milder version of the stories the scars on his back tell us, though I can buy Daryl omitting the worst of it like he did in the pilot. What I can't buy is Daryl saying his dad was "hardly ever" around and emphasizing it as the main source of his pain growing up. It feels contradictory for one thing. When we see Daryl's scars for the first time in S3 of the flagship show, it's implied Daryl was trapped in an environment that enabled his dad to physically hurt him often. Presumably that's why Merle felt guilty about leaving him behind. The revelation also seems like it's only intended to highlight the consequences of an absent father figure, explaining Daryl's fear of not making it home, but also justifying his "close" bond with Laurent. The best stories allow a character's emotions to drive the plot, but this just does the opposite, twisting Daryl's backstory to fit the current narrative.

Daryl's backstory made so many people root for him in the first place. It allowed Carol to see him when nobody else in the group could. It helped me process my own childhood trauma. The ways I got to watch him overcome his violent past gave me hope that masculinity could mean more than what I grew up around—more than anger, shouting, and swinging fists. Daryl taught me that men could still be tender, kind, and loving even if those closest to them in their childhood never showed them how. I imagine Daryl's representation has been important to boys and men too, specifically to those who were afraid to speak up about their abuse because of the stigma around it. The implications of this scene may not be easily noticeable to some, but they are to me, and I'm deeply offended by it.

I’ve talked at length on this blog about how it takes a village to make or break a show, though it’s usually the showrunner who has to answer for it. I've already mentioned that I do blame Zabel. His knowledge of French history has no value when he obviously didn’t bother to study Daryl’s history aside from reading old scripts and (maybe) watching the first couple seasons. That's incredibly irresponsible and terrifying for S2. I also blame AMC for their short-sightedness and their determination to save face no matter how much it costs them. I blame Gimple for his pettiness. I blame Greg Nicotero for his insensitivity to Melissa and her fans.

As for Norman, he's hinted very loudly that he wants credit for the show being "different," so in theory he should be prepared to take some of the blame too. I can't name all of the decisions he specifically made, but no matter what they were, I can blame him for not speaking up about the shipbaiting, Daryl's wavering loyalty, and the childhood abuse retcon, all things that hurt his character and hurt the fans. I genuinely don't know what else to think other than Norman didn't give either the consideration they deserve. The show has been treated like nothing more than a vanity project, and it’s unfortunate when you think about what he and AMC had to gain from the original Caryl spinoff.

I love the version of Daryl I knew before this whole mess, I love Carol, and I love the relationship between them. I want them to have the story they deserve in S2. At the moment, I don’t know how to reconcile that with the agony I feel over the damages to half of my two favorite characters. If Carol is going to cross the Atlantic ocean to find Daryl, I want him to be the man who threatened to punch holes in all the boats so she couldn’t leave and the man who told her he loved her before—ironically—leaving himself. I need to hear Daryl admit he hasn't been completely honest with the French characters, not because he was afraid of getting too close to them, but because he didn't want to face the pain of potentially living without Carol and TF. I need to hear him say that he can't be Laurent's father, which is okay because the kid has plenty of other family to take care of him. I need to hear him say, out loud, that he could never love another woman romantically because he's already in love with Carol. That's what I need to feel better about this story. That's where my investment is. I feel like Carol is safe in Melissa's hands, but I don't feel like I have anyone to rely on for Daryl. That’s a big problem because their stories are so intertwined. There’s no Daryl without Carol nor Carol without Daryl. If you ruin one of them, you risk ruining both of them, and that’s a possibility I really can’t bear.

[camlannpod]

Hello! Sorry if it's been asked before, but how do you choose which legend/story to feature in the episode? Is it just something you really enjoy, it fits thematically or are there other reasons? Thank you!

Hello! It's definitely a mix of reasons - one part is certainly stories I enjoy, but they're also very much thematic!

Also this got so long, so I apologise. I hope you enjoy it!

For example, in episode 1, Twrch Trwyth and its story Culhwch ac Olwen is one of my favourite stories, but I also think of it as an iconic Welsh story and I wanted to situate Camlann within that tradition immediately. Plus Episode 1 is Dai's episode, and Dai is both very proud of his Welsh identity and very funny. Culhwch ac Olwen is maybe the oldest comedic Welsh story so it was a good fit.

With the Kelpie - there are a lot of different variations of kelpie / water-horse stories across the British Isles. Obviously the Kelpie itself is a Scottish story, that then travels to England. Welsh 'kelpies', the Ceffyl Dŵr, are universally benevolent. Part of the reason I used this story was that it was, to me, a really interesting 19th century English version of a Kelpie story (as recorded by Katharine M Briggs - a horse comes to a church at midday and says 'the hour has come but not the man'. Later a passing lord comes by at night and the priest tries to save him by keeping him away from the river and locking him in a room in the church. When they open the door just after midnight, they find the man has drowned on dry land.)

So partly I just wanted to use that because it's such a great rescension of the kelpie story. But it's also because Morgan, whose episode ep 2 is, is so tangled in conflicting traditions about Morgan Le Fay and her own understanding of both the character and her own identity. Morgan is Welsh, and a Ceffyl Dŵr wouldn't have hurt her, but she's terrified of the English corruptions of these stories, in many ways literally haunted by them. Was Morgan le Fay a victim or a villain? How do we interepret monstrous women in medieval stories? I wanted to play with that a bit.

The Lantern Man is another situation of a great story that really inspired me - an 1800s English midlands story I found in a book called The Lore of the Land. But also that's Perry's episode, and I needed to show you why Perry's paranoia is justified, and the flip side to Dai's urgent desire to find other people is Perry's terror of the monster lurking in shadows that they're trying to protect them from. Having someone knocking at your door - that idea of a human figure with a light - was perfect for that.

The dogs were a big one for thematic reasons. This is Gwen's episode, episode 4 - normally Shucky Dogs / Black Dogs / Grimms / Church Grimms / Black Shucks are benevolent and protective. They evolved as a story from an English practice of burying a dog in a graveyard first, as there was a superstition that the first person buried in a graveyard would be stuck in purgatory between earth and heaven. The idea was to bury a dog and let its ghost shepherd souls. This evolved into stories of huge ghostly dogs as protective, territorial spirits. However over time there's a little offshoot of that story - huge black hounds with hell-red eyes haunting stretches of road and abandoned buildings, the ghosts of murdered people whose killers were never found, seeking vengeance.

So on the one hand, from a literalist perspective, over thousands of years a lot of people get murdered, especially women and trans people, and I wanted to make a point in this drama inspired by medieval literature about violence against women and queer people. But I also liked the idea of the dogs being both - both restless spirits full of fury seeking vengeance and protective, territorial guardians who were wronged. That really resonated with me as a queer woman, and I really liked the idea of both Gwen and Morgan seeing a lot of themselves in these restless ghosts.

Then finally, most recently with Gwaine and the Green Knight. First, I wanted to blur the Green Man and the Green Knight because I think of the Green Man as one of England's most iconic folkloric creatures, and the closest we have to a clearly identifiable non-Christian folk deity, essentially. There are faces of the Green Man in York cathedral! From the 1200s! And the theme of the Green Man as the living embodiment of Spring - a giant who brings green mist to everything he touches - resonates for me with the Green Knights themes of renewal and change and life. Both are some of my favourite stories.

ALSO! This is a story about queerness. It's a story about finding ways for your queerness and culutral identity to co-exist. And it's about living in the shadow of history and tradition and everyone who's come before you and not feeling good enough. Gawain and the Green Knight is so much a story about courage, and integrity, and it was exactly the journey our Gwaine needed to go on. But with the monstrous twist that this is the end of the world, and our Gwaine shouldn't need to risk his life to prove he's a good man. That queer people shouldn't need to put ourselves in real social, political, even legal danger in order to love who we love and be who we are. That that's not a fair ask of anyone.

I hope you enjoyed these ramblings! I needed to walk a little around some spoilers but yeah!

[bronx-bomber87]

The rewatch continues! Onto 1x02 ‘Crash Course’ we go. Once again will credit all gif creators at the end of this review. Thank you for all you create. Tumblr wouldn’t be around if not for you. Off we go.

This ep starts for Tim in the hospital. Makes me sad to see Tim at the hospital so disgruntled and alone. Truly not expecting anyone to come pick him up or care. Surly af with the nurse. But it’s not a glow up if we don’t start at the bottom. ‘Started from the bottom now we here’ is a prominent thing for a reason in character growth. Starting at the ground floor with him emotional scars and all.

He is so genuinely so surprised Angela and Talia come to get him. He wants the help but sure as hell isn’t going to ask for it. He’s clearly been so shut down since Isabel. He’s lost trust and faith of those around him. So them coming to get him shocks him. Being s1 Tim though he can’t let them see that. How much this actually means to him. That there are people out there that still care about him. My poor broken boy.

Annnnnd the need for his approval and praise from Tim begins. She’s so excited thinking he was so proud of her and what she did in pilot (she did save his life and protect them both under duress) only to be disappointed by Wrigleys ‘No..’ Her eyes light up only to be crushed by disappointment. You’ll get there Lucy it’s just gonna be a bit ha

Tim dropping by the diner he conveniently ‘lives by ‘ and getting his pickup. Aka a Lying liar who lies. Really just dropping by to check in on her and his current test. To see if she’s losing her mind being a slug or she misses the action already with Tim. Clearly it’s the latter. Regardless of where Tim is emotionally and how she’s his charge. This is a little bit of a work flirt for him. Man took time out of his recovery from a gunshot wound to come see and her give her shit LOL She of course is ready and eager to prove herself even when he’s not officially her T.O. He’s clearly enjoying himself too much though haha

On the surface this is just a test is to see if she wants to be a real cop or a slug. We all know with her future UC predilections she loves the adrenaline. I do think on a deeper level, part of this test is truly to see if she’s gonna stick it out with him. Or if she going to bail on him which is the current state of mind he’s in.

Expecting that abandonment. He’s in fight or flight mode most of s1 cause of Isabel. Legit Survival mode really. So he’s going to distrust everyone around him for little while especially someone with promise like Lucy.

Alas we get to the end of ep for them both. Best part of this gif set is the utter look of confusion on Lucy’s face. Fairly certain she didn’t think Tim Bradford was capable of laughing let alone smiling LOL

What I love most about this scene is one it shows how sharp Lucy is. Telling him she figured out he had her purposely assigned to Wrigley. Two, This is also Lucy’s first moment of challenging him. Standing up to him by calling him a pain in the ass. When he says it’s ‘his job’ It’s her first strike into those walls of his. By insulting him with her little jab. Developing that rapport. We get the first Lucy induced smile from him. He’s actually proud of how she handled herself the entire day with Wrigley. Not half ass-ing it and he’s beaming.

When she watches his retreating form she looks so confused and slightly annoyed at his happy demeanor. But she also doesn’t hate it either. She has no idea she’s started her slow burn with him. That massive wall of his has the smallest crack starting to form. He’s so pleased with himself he doesn’t realize it’s happening either. He’s just happy with himself and how interaction went down. They’re so cute I can not. Eric and Melissa’s chemistry on full display. We had it from the jump with them.

~~~~~

Side notes for this ep. Talia was pretty damn funny in this ep. With all the property/city damage Nolan does haha Them getting kicked into the old school cop car.

The captain ripping those cocky detectives a new one. I always enjoyed her scenes especially ones where she’s mentoring the newbs. She was always so calming to listen to. So sage in her advice.

The Nolan/Lucy scenes continue to make me cringe but they have their purpose even if I dislike them haha

That wraps up ep 2. This will definitely keep me pre-occupied till we can get s6. Try to do few eps a week depending on life/work haha please feel free to like/comment I enjoy it so❤️

Gif credit to

chenfordsbee

tim-lucy x2

Thesweetnessandthesarcasm pain ass my job

relentlessescapism

Chenford source

[aikofanfan]

Obey me, Themis!

Part 2 is out!

Summary: Rosa is your childhood friend and you decide to visit her and Luke. But it’s you. Things are never that easy.

Pairings: None. For now. I may fold on that in later parts.

Warnings: There is a small reference to Ep 3 of ToT, if you played it you know if not- drugs and child abuse. Very small tho just letting ya know.

A/n: Obey Me! x Tears of Themis crossover that was supposed to be a small dumb little drabble for shits n giggles became a bigger story with every word I wrote. So expect more parts cuz skdjsndns

“Wait really??!” Rosa jumps up from her desk, phone in hand and a huge grin on her face. “When? Around what time?? So soon?”

Everyone in the room looked at her as she walks around her desk, talking to whoever it maybe.

“No no my shift ends soon! Yes I know but I wish you would’ve called sooner I could’ve gotten food or something ready!” She laughs. “So much has happened since we last spoke!”

She walks and talks some more than noticed people staring. Ah right she is still at the office after all.

“I’ll see you soon!” She says before ending the call. She goes back to her desk and sets her phone down, Hm maybe she can get some take out ready to pick up if she orders now. She can get it on her way home.

“Rosa?” A sudden voice snaps her back to reality and she sees Artem by her desk.

“Oh hi Mr. Wing! Sorry about that.” She says sheepishly.

“It’s okay. Did something happen?” He asks, looking slightly worried.

“Oh no no not at all! That was my old friend MC!” Rosa explains. “I haven’t seen them in a long time and they called to tell me they’re coming here to Stellis!”

Artem recalls a few stories about this MC. Seemed like the polar opposite of Rosa when he thinks about it. MC had visited Stellis with family one year during their childhood in the summer and had gotten to know Rosa, they managed to keep in touch even after all these years as pen pals before exchanging phone numbers.

“They should be waiting for me by the time my shift is over.” Rosa glances at the time.

“Well if it really has been that long, you can leave now.” Artem suggests. Rosa doesn’t even fight it, jumping up and gathering her things and giving Artem a big hug and a quick thank you.

“Oh relax would ya.” You snicker, DDD in hand. “I’m not gonna get dragged into any of her cases. I’m not a lawyer or agent or whatever.”

You were outside of Rosa’s home waiting for her to get back. In the mean time you talked on your DDD with an over protective demon.

“You get dragged into all kinds of trouble without trying.” Lucifer sighed on the other end.

“Mmm true but still.” You snickered. “I’ll be fine.”

“MC!!!”

“Oop gotta go!”

You hang up and put your DDD away just in time to catch a smaller figure crash into you in a tight hug.

“Rosa!” You laugh and set her down. “Ah still so tiny.”

“Hey! I’ve grown at least a little bit!” Rosa pouts. “My boss let me out early and I got food!”

She turned around to grab the bag of take out she set down a ways away. Only for you to flicker your wrist and have it hover over and land in your hand.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.” She says in awe. She was one of the few people outside of your family that knew about your mmm other worldly trips and lessons.

~~~~

From murder cases to crazy trails and tests to mundane things and a bit more still mundane things the two of you share many stories back and forth.

“Sounds like Luke is still Luke you’re still you.” You grin.

“Yeah and it seems you’ve changed the most.” Rosa sighs. You could tell there was far more she wanted to share but clearly had her reasons to keep quiet. You don’t mind, the life of a lawyer must come with its own secrets.

“Change? Nah. Still just as hot headed as when we were kids.” You wink. “Only my eyes glow green when I get mad.”

Rosa sits up straight and blinks at you. You only give her a lope sided smile and she giggled.

“If I wasn’t so aware of your adventures I would’ve questioned that a bit more.” She giggled lightly. “Oh! You should come with me to the office and meet everyone!”

“Will I get to meet this Artem Wing you always mention in your texts?” You ask and wiggle your eyebrows at her.

That got you a pillow to the face.

~~~~~

“MC!” Luke waves to you and Rosa as you walk to a big building. Themis Law Firm if you recall correctly.

“I texted Luke to see if he wanted to stop by and see you.” You hear Rosa say before getting hugged by said man.

“It’s so good to see you! When did you get here???” He pulls away and gives you that blindingly bright smile of his.

“Just last night.” You state. He doesn’t know about you and magic. It’s not that you don’t trust him it’s just…you just don’t think his heart could take it. Seeing as how protective he is with just Rosa. But enough of that.

“Hmmm I dunno Rosa.” You hum, hand on her head and raising it to your own than to Luke’s. “You still look pretty tiny to me.”

Rosa gasps and Luke does his best to hold in his laughter but that only annoys Rosa more.

“I am not that small!!” Rosa swats her hands on your shoulder and Luke finally loses it. It was this moment that made you realized you missed these two knuckleheads more than you thought. You want to share all your adventures with Luke and Rosa but you still remember how Rosa reacted on a video call when you told her why you went missing for a year.

“WHAT?!” She gasps and you nearly dropped your phone.

“Look I know it sounds crazy but-”

“Other realm or not that breaks so many laws! And you aren’t the least bit upset!?” She asks, propping her phone up and flipping through some folders. “Abduction, forcing a person to do something against their will, having no say in the matter, oh my gods!”

“Rosa hey relax!” You laugh. She smacks the folder in her hands down and gives you a bewildered look. “So you believe me?”

“Of course I do! I looked into your missing person case after you were declared dead. Nothing made sense and now you telling me all this, everything makes sense.” She sighed. “No signs of struggle, no one having it out for you, nothing. You just…vanished.”

“You looked into my case?” You smiled. Rosa once again looked at you like you were crazy for asking such a thing.

“MC, we may have known each other over a summer but you quickly became my best friend. Of course I would.” She stated like it was obvious. “You really aren’t upset about this?”

“No it’s…complicated.” You sigh but had a small smile.

“Sounds like you were the force of nature those boys needed huh?”

“YEESSS YOU GET IT!”

Rosa laughed hard at your outburst.

Back to the present, Luke had to run off but made you and Rosa promise that you all had to hang out together at least once before you had to go. Now you were walking into the building and heading to Rosa’s floor.

“Is that phone even sturdy?” You ask, eyeballing the piece of glass in Rosa’s hand that she claimed to be a cell phone.

“It’s a lot tougher than you think.” She says with such confidence she might give Mammon a run for his money.

“Oooh is this the famous MC we’ve heard so much about?” A new voice says as a woman walks over to you two.

“MC this is Celestine.” Rosa introduced and you shake her hand. More and more people come and go to meet you. Did Rosa really talk about you that much?

“You make me out to be some celebrity?” You teased and she just grins at you. You get to her little cubicle and sit by her, watching her work. You get bored within half n hour and start to spin around in the wheelie chair you’re sat in.

“MC don’t do that. You’ll crash into someone.” You hear Rosa warn.

“Oh I’ll be fine- OH SHIT-” You slam your feet down just in time so you don’t smack into whoever was right behind you. You glance up and seen cold blue eyes staring down at you. If you were a normal person you’d be intimidated but being around the likes of Lucifer, you just wave at the guy.

“Well hello there pretty boy.” You grin and hear Rosa choke on her tea behind you.

“And you must be MC.” He says.

“That’s me. And you?” You ask.

“Artem Wing.”

……..

“OH.” You stand up and bow a little. “I am so sorry, Mr. Wing! Rosa has told me so much about you! Ha ha ha!”

“Don’t be so tense.” Artem chuckled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You shake hands then sink back down into your chair. You glance over to Rosa who was currently coughing into a tissue.

“Well I’d say that’s a new record for me.” You grin then look back to Artem. “So!”

You stand back and give Artem a once over. He must’ve noticed as you see a bit of blush form on his cheeks and he fiddles with his tie.

“Rosa told me a lot about you as I mentioned and her description of you was spot on. Easy on the eyes and has gorgeous eyes too!” You state and hear Rosa make a squeaky noise.

“Well it’s almost my lunch time! Come on MC!” Rosa finally speaks up and grabs your wrist, dragging you away from Artem.

“Rosa also told me you got a nice waist. I can see it! You’re totally her type!”

SMACK

“CUT IT OUT!”

~~~~~

“I can’t believe you.” Rosa pouts and takes a bite of her sandwich. You two were in a park, sat on a bench under a tree.

“Am I wrong though?” You ask with a knowing look. She merely glares but shyly shakes her head.

“Knew it.” You say with a wink. You chat some more until a guy walks over.

“Hey Miss attorney. Who’s this with you?” He says, taking the empty spot on Rosa’s right side.

“Oh! MC this is Marius. Marius this is my friend MC. They’re visiting Stellis for a few days.” Rosa introduced you two to each other.

“Marius, Marius.. ah right.”

“Yep. Marius von Hagen at your service.”

“Oh I was gonna say the blueberry play boy.”

“Huh?!”

Rosa laughs as you snicker at the man’s expression. You remember Rosa mentioning a Marius in your texts and you gave him the title of blueberry play boy because of his hair and eyes.

“We’ve only just met and you’re already being so mean.” He says in a fake hurt tone. Now why does that seem so familiar?

“But truly I’ve met bigger names.” You state. “Not really impressed by titles nowadays.”

“Oh? Who have you met?” He asks, thinking you’re being serious. Meanwhile Rosa looks surprised, are you going to-?

“Nobody you need to know. Rosa has told me all about you so it feels like I’ve already met you and the shock has drifted away.” You joke and Rosa sighed. Just then your DDD rings and you get up. “Excuse me for a moment.

Rosa nods and you walk off to the side before answering. Right away you hear bickering on the other end, Asmo, Levi and Mammon if you’re hearing correctly. Of all the times to call-

“OI!” You snap and silence follows. “I told you guys I’d be busy the next few days. What is it?”

What follows was mingled words of Asmo saying Mammon stole his jewelry, Mammon denying it and Levi whining about-something; you aren’t sure what. You pinch the bridge of your nose, contemplating on whether you should text Lucifer for help or not.

When an evil idea comes to mind. You look over to the bench and no matter how they look you know Rosa and Marius are trying to listen in on the conversation. So you wave your hand and when they notice you, you point at Marius and make a “come here” gesture with your hand.

“Yeah?” He asks, confused. You mute yourself on your end and say:

“Just follow my lead, okay?” You say and he nods. You unmute yourself. “Look you guys, I don’t really have time for this.”

“But MC-!”

“I have a lot of sight seeing to do. You can be good and figure this out for yourselves right?” You ask. “I’m sure Lucifer can help sort this out.”

“Lucifer?” Marius asks and the three boys on the other side grow silent real fast. Got em.

“Who’s that?” Mammon asks.

“Oh this is Marius. He’s a friend of Rosa’s, I just met him.” You explain calmly. “He’s part of the Pax Group. The ceo if I remember right.”

“PAX GROUP?!” The three voices simultaneously shout, making you and Marius jerk back from the volume of it.

“Oi he isn’t tryin to steal ya away is he?” You hear Mammon hiss.

“Oh relax.” You rolled your eyes. “I just had him talk just to tease ya. Call it karma for the headaches you lot give me.”

“You’re so mean!” Asmo whines but you knew they were used to this. You tease but never mean any ill intent.

“Now if all matters are settled, I’m going to hang up now and you aren’t going to call me anymore right?” You state.

“But-”

“Right?” You repeat, eyes flashing green for a second. The three agree and hang up. You put your DDD away with a sigh and glance to the young ceo beside you. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Did your eyes glow…green? How did you do that?” He asks.

…oh shit-

“HEY ROSA YOUR LUNCH BREAK IS OVER LETS GO!”

~~~~~

“He noticed? Oh he’s not going to let that go.” Rosa sighed as she typed on her computer.

“I had a feeling he was that kind of prick.” You huff, slumping into your chair.

“He’s not a-prick- he just likes to tease. Like someone else I know.” Rosa comments, side eyeing you with a smirk.

“Are you saying we’re similar??? I’m hurt!” You gasp in fake offend. You two keep talking as she works, your head spinning at all the legal talk. It makes magic and potions look like pre school levels of easy in comparison.

“Using a kid as a test subject for drugs? Hmmm wonder if Diavolo could find that guy in the Devildom.” You mumble to yourself after Rosa explained one of the cases she worked on.

She looks at you, making a face like she wanted to say or ask something but frowns with a small pout.

“Something on your mind?” You ask.

“If you could find him that would really help things but- I don’t think that would be something that could be explained in court.” She pouts. Right. Things are still odd between the realms. You’d bet everything that Diavolo would help in a heartbeat but things aren’t that easy.

“Someday, Rosa. Someday.” You pat her back. To lighten the mood again you spin in your chair- and fall over with a loud thud.

“I’m okay!” You hold a thumbs up and hear Rosa laugh before she’s helping you up.

“You didn’t learn from earlier today did you?” She asks.

“Nope!” You grin.

“I’m assuming this is the MC I’ve heard so much about.”

You glance behind Rosa and see a man with glasses and Hm white? Platinum hair? Meh who really knows.

“Based on the way you dress, you must be V-” Rosa elbowed you. “-Dr. Richter.”

“Correct.” He chuckled as you rub your side, softly glaring at Rosa.

“Well look at that, I’ve met all three of these new guys.” You announced.

“Friends, MC. My new friends.” Rosa corrected you but you just shoot her a look. You bicker back and forth but feel eyes on you still. Looking up, Dr. Richter hasn’t moved or walked away.

“Something wrong, Doc?” You ask.

“No no it’s just-how do I put it. You seem different from others I’ve met.” He explains. Your eyes narrow, you can tell this man is far more than what he looks to be. Rosa must’ve sensed the growing tension before she wheels her chair in between you and this doctor, holding her hands up.

“MC is just a very interesting person like that. You know?” She laughs kinda nervously, looking up at the man.

“I’m not going to cause any trouble if that’s what you’re trying to imply.” You spoke up after a moment. “I’m just here to visit two childhood friends, is that so wrong of me?”

“No not at all.” Dr. Richter agreed. He gets called away and walks off, but you could still tell he was wary of you.

“He totally knows.” You said once you were sure he was gone.

“No I don’t think it’s that he knows, maybe he can just tell there’s more to you than meets the eye.” Rosa explains. “Either way, just be extra careful around him.”

“And by that you mean don’t knock his lights out.”

“Especially that.”

~~~~~~

“He’s just a Psychiatrist! Why was he sizing me up like some criminal?!” You pace around as you vent to Rosa and Luke. You were in Rosa’s apartment hanging out like Luke basically made you promise to do.

“I mean-are you?” Luke asks and you grab a pillow then chuck it at him. He laughs as he catches it. “He’s just like that. Comes with the job I’m sure.”

Grumbling, you slump back down into a chair. You shouldn’t let this bother you so much but it does. Then again you should be used to this, the students at RAD were the same way once upon a time.

“So how long are you planning to stay?” Rosa asks, effectively changing the topic.

“Not sure yet. Maybe a few days. I know you guys are busy.” You answer.

“Oh come on! Stay longer!” Luke urges. “We have so much catching up to do!”

“He’s right. I don’t have any major cases right now.” Rosa adds. They both give you puppy dog eyes and you groan in defeat.

“Alright alright.” You give in. “I’ll stay longer.”

They celebrate their victory and pull you into a small group hug.

~~~~~~

“You weren’t trying to test MC, were you, Vyn?” Rosa walks into the NXX headquarters with Luke behind her and clearly caught the doctor off guard with her question.

“Of course not.” He says. “I’ve met a lot of people in my line of work and there’s just something different about them.”

“You’d be right about that, Doc. I met them and their eyes glowed green.” Marius pipes up and oh boy.

“Green?” Artem questioned, joining the conversation as he walks over. Luke makes a confused noise and looks down to Rosa.

“You were seeing things.” She tried to shrug it off.

“They’re our friend, if there was something new with them they would’ve told us by now.” Luke spoke up, not liking how the others were acting as if MC was suspicious. Rosa nodded in agreement.

“Not like we have a right since we can’t tell them about this.” Rosa adds, gesturing to the whole headquarters. The topic is changed once Artem starts talking about a new case that came in.

Strange substances going around the city that’s causing strange side effects or worse, death. But no one knows where it came from or what it even is. It was like it came from a different world all together.

“It’s only been recorded to have be here in Stellis only as of right now.” Artem explains.

“And if we don’t find out where it’s coming from, it could spread.” Marius adds. Rosa looks at the sample careful that was in a small baggy. Reddish with bits of black and leafy like.

“May…I make a suggestion.” Rosa spoke up. All four of the men look at her. “I think I know where we can start.”

[pinkberrypocky]

pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 5

this is the ep w the convo/fight between kyoko and sayaka and wough is there a lot to unpack from that. kyoko talks abt the food chain of magical girls and witches here which makes me fucking feral bc she's so right there is a food chain but she doesn't realize that she's not at the top. she doesn't realize that the entire being of magical girls and witches is cannibalism all for the sake and benefit of kyubey. just. ugh. kyoko thinks she's figured it out and sayaka is naive and in the dark but in reality neither of them understand what's going on. anyways also i think they should kiss. or at least hold hands.

When sayaka makes her contract with kyubey the lighting is red

Kyubey is entirely backlit and a black silhouette

Kyubey pulls a ball of light out of sayaka’s chest and she collapses in pain

Foreshadowing how the soul gems contain the literal souls of the girls and the bodies are just empty shells

Hence sayaka collapsed bc her being left her body

Sayaka is laughing and in a good mood the day after making her contract 

Not thinking at all about the weight of her decisions

Madoka is concerned and voices this but sayaka is determined to stay in her idealistic naive world 

Madoka, dispute being the most naive seeming, is actually the one out of the two of them who is maturely able to grasp the severity and reality of the choice to become a magical girl

Red lighting on the hospital building as sayaka approaches to visit kyosuke when he first knows his hand is healed

Why are there so many chairs around kyosuke’s hospital bed?

Maybe he used to have a lot of people cheering him on for recovery since he was a genius but they slowly left until only sayaka remains

Kyosuke apologizes for lashing out at sayaka and we see a yellow flower petal

Lots of yellow lighting and yellow flowers on the roof scene when kyosuke plays again for the first time

Kyosuke is a backlit black silhouette when he first takes the violin in his hands again

And all the people are like this when he plays again (him, his family, sayaka)

Sayaka says that kyosuke playing again is the happiest moment of her life 

And like yeah it sure it bc making the wish that allowed that is what made your life go downhill so fast afterward and led to your death

Kyubey reveals that he doesn't know who homura is and he can’t predict her actions

Kyoko is unbothered by things in an overconfident snooty way that is distinctly different from how mami tried to protect and how sayaka tries to stay blind to the truth 

Homura says “No matter how hard you try there is no thanks” ouch yeah no matter how hard homura tries to save madoka no one ever thanks her 

In fact they all curse her and say she’s the villain 

This is the reason that sayaka is a bad magical girl, because her whole reason for being a magical girl is to get kyosuke’s wish fulfilled which she is in denial about wanting thanks for 

Sayaka is a bad magical girl bc she doesn’t understand something which is so integral to homura’s experience 

Madoka is told by homura to give up on sayaka but we know that is not at all what she does

Because madoka is unable to ever give up on her friends or the people she loves her strength lies in the lengths she will go for her loved ones

Madoka asks homura if she’s given up and homura says yes

OUCH

Homura had to give up on the life with madoka that she yearns for and is now fighting for madoka’s life with no regard for where it will leave her

Yellowish orangish lighting as madoka meets sayaka on her way to begin her first witch patrol

Madoka asks sayaka to let her come with her even though she knows she won't be of any help and might even get in the way 

As long as it’s not a bother let me stay with you

Literally me fr

 Kyubey says he doesn't mind madoka coming on patrol w sayaka bc sayaka thought it through but his real reasoning is bc he knows sayaka is likely to get in an emergency and if madoka is there when that happens he can get her to make a contract

As they go into the labyrinth sayaka has kyubey on her shoulder and his tail in the shadow of her silhouette makes it look like she has long pigtails like mami did

Kyoko is jaded from the reality of the world while sayaka is still living in her delusion of an ideal world

Kyoko equates using grief seeds to eating witches

Calls it a food chain 

Kyoko instigates sayaka by asking her incredulously if she really believes in things like justice

She knows just what to say bc she used to be sayaka

And that’s why sayaka ticks her off so much

There is yellow lighting during kyoko and sayaka’s fight that barely filters into the alleyway 

It glints off of sayaka’s sword

When kyoko and sayka’s weapons come head to head in a stalemate the energy formed is yellow

Madoka can’t understand why they are fighting since they’re both magical girls on the same side and begs kyubey to stop them

He just uses this as another excuse to push her to make a contract

Shows her genuine concern for all living beings

Cries as she is about to make the decision bc she knows how much she is sealing herself in a miserable fate

When homura interferes with the fight there are water droplets frozen in time around her that go in slo mo which foreshadows her power being time manipulation

[pardonmydelays]

how was it to be a part of FLS fans meeting online & what are your fave moments from the show? ✨

i didn't expect this question at all but i'm so glad you asked! 😭

honestly, i had such a great time! i was super stressed at first because it was on zoom & i don't even know how this app works, but i figured it out somehow. no idea how many of us were there, but everyone was so so nice! some people were even brave enough to show their faces, it was so cool to see them just vibing. i, on the other hand, was brave enough to write a few words on chat (i still feel super anxious about showing myself on the internet & about my stupid polish accent when i speak english lol but maybe one day??? who knows. there's gonna be another meeting, probably in the summer, so we will see).

so we only watched first three episodes of the show, we were kinda insane about it on chat (some people were never able to see the show before so it was cool to see their reactions & it comes from someone who saw every single episode at least five times...), & there was a little conversation between each episode but also when we finished watching. i always feel like a lone wolf of this fandom, i never really interacted with other fans, especially when i joined the fandom last year & it was basically just me talking to myself on tumblr lol. but it was a nice change & i'm so glad i could be a part of it because everyone here is so sweet & we all have one thing in common - we all love lin so so so much. honestly it's kinda like slowly leaving my comfort zone, but i had such a great time i would do it again. i really want to interact with other fans. this is why creating instagram account was a good idea, most of them are active there, not here.

my fave moments from the show? hmm, let's think. we only saw three episodes so i'm gonna talk about those. so my favourite ep is "what makes a hombre" because it's lin-centered, so of course. there's also a lot of tobi there & she's the cutest little creature. the entire episode is super funny. as for the others, pilot is amazing - prom, lin in a beanie, utk with go pro, LADIES & GENTLEMEN WE WANNA THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING OUT THIS EVENING, also lin's outfit is one big slay in this one, then the entire totto ramen episode will never not be funny to me ("that TOTTOlly sucks!") & i could go on & on, i just love this show so much i will never shut up about it & sorry for this essay.

[dreamii-krybaby]

Hey so this might be a weird ask but this is something that's been plaguing me for a while.

I was wondering if you could give any writing tips for Yeva to me?

I'm currently writing a fic and it's at the prequel phase which obviously means I gotta include Yeva in it, already have, but I'm not really sure how to write her.

I'd also love to go more in depth with her husband and how she interacts with, both pre and post planet explosion.

Sorry if you can't really answer this ask, just figured I'd ask the #1 Yeva fan for ideas about it.

Also while I'm here, thank you for discovering that site 48 paper. I saw some stuff on that bulletin board I wanted to check out but I just couldn't read it so in a theory video I made I asked if anyone could look at it, obviously with only like 200 views no one did but I'm glad you checked it out. Super intriguing to me and something I def want to expand on in my fic.

Anyways, thanks for checking this out and keep doing what you're doing, someone's gotta be the #1 fan of my second favorite traumatized Russian robot and I'd say you're doing a damn good job.

*cracks necks and knuckles*

You came to the right place buddy.

Also, nice! Great seeing someone who likes Yeva a lot :3

Anyways now you gotta keep in mind this what I’ve gathered from Yeva, is a mix of my interpretation of what is shown off her in canon and my HCs

Yeva is also a character that can have many different interpretations which most of them IMO are valid and make sense

Now I assume you want me to help you developing her personality wise, correct?

I think Yeva is definitely someone that is the opposite of Nori, perhaps even a reflection of Nori.

Just like Uzi is a reflection of Doll, I’ve mentioned in one of my posts that each member of the Doorman’s and each member of Doll’s family could actually mirror to eachother!

So i think it’s pretty obvious that Yeva is a rather perhaps, a cold person. Doesn’t express much or isn’t the one to usually smile or be happy go lucky or interact with people all the time, that’s Nori’s thing

Doll could actually show off some characteristics she inherited from her mom apart from the looks and the AS

Probably she is aloof, brooding, speaks very little and only necessarily, her voice rarely showing much emotion. She isn’t the kind to approach or make the first move unless it is absolutely necessary, she is the kind of person to hang out by someone’s side, rather than taking the spotlight.

Of course that doesn’t mean she is devoid of emotion, she is just isn’t a very expressive and open person, normally.

Or maybe she does likes to sometimes show off some skills she has, maybe to make some of her colleagues to back off during her time at the labs/camps used her AS.

Her EP7 teaser appearance tbh screams to me “Idgaf about ur annoying ass” energy, like she will stare at you and judge everything wrong with you, I can see her definitely being snarky when she has too

Of EP4 and EP6 show that she is still able to feel intense emotions and express them even if it isn’t her thing. After all she is going through very traumatic situations in both EPs.

Maybe you could play with then idea of her showing different sides of her depending on who she interacts. Maybe she more emotional and slightly more open towards her husband and doll, and with nori (pre-core collapse) she is a bit more reserved but still somewhat sassy and snarky, like in a bestie way.

Now some people see her basically as an anxious wet cat and a bit paranoid. Which I can also see that, mostly due to the AS and after witnessing the horrors after the core collapse, I personally think she is aware on how dangerous the AS is, mostly by possibility witnessing Nori’s possession and she herself getting momentarily possessed causing the site-48 incident

She is clearly a traumatized woman who knows how badly the AS can be, and has probably developed certain coping mechanisms like other characters, maybe some of her stand-off-ish characteristics are a way for her to “shield” herself or to not feel so much pain.

She may be someone who is stuck in the past, or is having a hard time to moving on, which tbh I cannot blame her. This is mostly an inference from the fact she kept the exact same outfit she had at CFL, unlike Nori possibly.

I can also see her having a progressive change of character/personality the more shit she has to deal with, going from a cold, snarky, resting bitch face girlboss to an anxious, traumatized, low socializing woman.

Or again, these are different sides she shows in different moments or characters, maybe she sometimes “cracks” and shows how truly she subconsciously feels sometimes.

Its also worth mentioning that my theory, her dying outside possibly looking for answers or a cure for the AS or something that could stop the AS’s plans by going back to the labs truly shows she was willing to take the risk of death for the sake of her family and maybe the other WD’s.

I feel like she wanted to give Doll everything that she never had, giving her the best life, she could also be a sort of slightly reserved mom but like still cares for her kid.

I can also see her teaching her early on how to handle herself on her own and survive. Definitely see her as someone who taught Doll to keep herself as 1st priority.

[moonlightseve]

I've been listening to the song more like you by orla gartland a whole lot recently and I can't help but think about it through a yoi lens. I was wondering if you had any thoughts (initially started this train of thought during the first act/first 4 eps so I was like. this is a yuuri pov song but then the chorus also fits victor's pov to some extent)

You are SO right anon this is such a Yuuri song!! I had never heard it before, thank you for introducing it to me. I think the main thing I have to say is that the lyrics are very reflective of Yuuri’s state of mind throughout his skating career and especially in those first four episodes, just like you said. You hit the nail on the head, I don’t have much to add!

Beyond Viktor’s talents on the ice, this song in the context of Yuuri Katsuki speaks quite heavily to other ways in which he envies Viktor: namely, his confidence. The third verse discusses the narrator’s own insecurity relative to the power the subject of their admiration possesses, which Yuuri can surely relate to.

We see how much effort Viktor puts into maintaining his image, especially amongst his fans. And he knows he’s good at what he does. He’s not arrogant, per se, but he doesn’t contest compliments and readily accepts the fact that people perceive him as the best. Yuuri cannot even admit that he’s one of the best figure skaters in the world, his self-consciousness runs so deep. So I imagine that Viktor’s strength is quite enviable to Yuuri

Yuuri might be aware that he has a tendency to look down on himself, or he might not. My bet is on the former, knowing how supportive his family and friends are. If he is aware of it, he may wish he was able to move past it — and Viktor’s demeanor would become particularly desirable to him.

Yuuri wants to be confident in himself and in his skating, just as Viktor is. He wants to be respected. But most of all, he wants to be great. And I think that if you listen to this song with those things in mind, Yuuri’s character shines through quite clearly.

If you’re looking for a song with similar vibes that could be seen from Viktor’s pov, I’d recommend checking out Fever Dream by mxmtoon!

Thank you for the ask!

[lyriumsings]

oh damn I was just wondering if I should ask if you took oc questions and I saw a post about you wanting to talk about them. so. this is your sign: free pass tell me whatever you want about whoever you want. I’d like to know stuff about them (please. thank.)

This ask has literally been sitting here for like a year and I can’t stop thinking about my infamous mc so i’m gonna use this as a sort of preview introduction lol so anon if you’re out there im so sorry lmaooo and i absolutely love asks about my brain blorbos or anything really ngl i’ll probably copy and paste all this information to their Official Art ™️

Name: Octavia “Tavvi” Blackwater

Stage name: Tavvi

Pronouns: they/she

Sexuality: Bisexual

Band name: Beneath the Challenger (BTC). Octavia came up with the name and it’s basically a metaphor for them being super depressed lmao. It comes from the Challenger Deep which is the lowest point on earth beneath the Mariana’s trench.

Vocal Insp: donna missal (pinnacle voice bc for them tbh), The pretty reckless, the haunt

Music Insp: The Pretty Reckless, The Haunt, (for all of these bands i have very specific songs that i plug in as BTC’s lyrics lmao i have a playlist for them that i basically hc as their songs), Bad Omens (Just Pretend is SUCH a seven x mc song and i hc it as BTC’s best song), Mothica (VICES tho), and Honey Revenge! Here’s their playlist it grows everyday lmao

Fandom: Aquanauts. I hc that Maya figured out the bands meaning and picked based on that, Octavia genuinely loves it and finds it cute. And somehow the fact that the name makes sense to what the band name is makes them feel very seen and comforted tbh

Ep: Under the Water

Favorite unreleased single: The Slowest Heart (Which i actually took from Gilded Lily bc that song has heavy Octavia x Seven vibes) They have “the slowest heart” tattooed on there left rib age side boob area lol Although I feel like if she wrote it it’d be closer to the sped up version and a bit angrier mixed with hurt but the lyrics are perfect)

Romance: Seven’s ex. Still has his initials and doesn’t bother to cover it. And they are harboring a very blatant crush on Orion that if they’re being honest about started specifically because Orion seems pretty unattainable and they have no actual expectations of that fantasy becoming a reality (at least at first). Some cute stuff about them and seven tho: I hc fans called them Seven8 cuz Octavia means 8 or i guess Setavia works but Seven8 is so cute to me. And that seven had them in his phone as “8” and Octavia had him as “7 Ducky”

Some backstory:

Octavia is biracial her mom is white and her dad is black (specifically has afro indigenous roots but he was a foster kid so very estranged from these cultures) does not have a good relationship with their parents at all. Their parents didn’t really want kids? Sort of had Octavia because that’s what they were “supposed” to do next after getting married. Octavia is very much just an item checked off a list in a lot of ways regarding them. Very much the type of people who probably shouldn’t have had a kid not because they didn’t provide physically but they’re just emotionally nonexistent and incredibly dismissive lol. So yeah, so she had a very lonely childhood.

They did lots of ballet/contemporary dancing and soft ball which she does still actually enjoy as hobbies presently, but for the most part she’s obsessed with music and making music. They have a bat from highschool that they call “Lucky Lucy” where for two separate games in a row she hit nothing but home runs with it. Now, she takes it to every show and makes everybody touch Lucky Lucy before performing.

Octavia is obsessed with old hollywood glamour and old movies/shows from that era— most specifically Audrey Hempburn. They have several references/quotes from her tattooed on them: “never throw out anyone” is a partial quote from “People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw anyone out.” that they have tattooed directly under their S.D. tattoo which is my favorite lol and another is “i was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.” probably on their opposite forearm from S.D. (There’s more but i gotta map them out.) They can do a transatlantic accent, and did so for many months as a teen to annoy their parents.

Lastly, romantic history: before Seven they had a girlfriend, Maria. Who was pretty much their polar opposite—very straight laced, serious, and structured but also incredibly sweet, polite, absolute wifey material—and honestly while she supported Octavia’s dream on a surface level she thought Octavia needed a more concrete plan for the future. They dated for about half of high school and split amicably when it became clear that Octavia wasn’t going to change/Octavia’s underlying feelings for Seven became a bit too obvious to ignore. They’re still in contact and friendly and Maria is married and has two kids.

Post Seven, Octavia had one serious relationship that was on and off for 8 months about a year after their initial split. It was bad. Incredibly toxic content warning type bad. Dean Clayton was the lead singer of another indie band Violet Vapors and was a general misogynistic piece of shit. It was a they just didn’t see the red flags until they were already in it type situation, bc no one advertises themself as a pos partner obvs. She doesn’t like to talk about it and borderline actively ignores it, but if they ever saw him again they’d probably take their bat to him tbh. Octavia is in a muuuuch better place now (comparatively speaking, which i mean the bar is in hell so do with that what ye will) still does drugs and drinks but it’s not nearly as bad as uhhh this era of their life.