#thank god i don't live in the US
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she's actually satanic for this idc.
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Is it weird that i wanna get a degree in mathematics, like is it just me? I'm about to get a bachelor's in psychology and still become a psychologist one day, but like, mathematics. So fascinating
#am i... a nerd?#i'm gonna spend my life studying#i wanna do so many things#so expensive tho#thank god i don't live in the US
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I forgot that ur French. So what's it like over there as the Olympics go on?
Tbh it had absolutely no impact on my day to day life since I live so far from the capital there was no change whatsoever in the area (and I barely go out but that's something else-)
Though I did watch the olympics on tv on afternoons ! (mostly nice but I like really hated that the french were booing in some sports whenever the french teams did not have the football/basketball etc.. like ?? What a bunch of disrespectful disappointments they were)
#I was mostly drawing for artfight and used some of the sports on tv at bg noise to remain concentrated#I really live like at a 6hour bus ride away from paris#thank god I'm not parisian 🙏#yeah yeah notre dame de paris is cool but is it pink ?? does it have an astronomical clock inside ?? I don't think so#not dunking on it though it's really a beautiful cathedral like most cathedrals in france I love cathedrals they're like so so big and cool
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wow ive been kind of off lately I should take a day to rest an[explosion]
#[.art]#self#complaining tag#I'm good. I needed to draw about it but I'm good. it's fine. whatever#love it when I barely ask you for money to Live outside of gifts and 30 a month. and then you withold the gift SOMEONE ELSE GAVE ME#that's fine it's totally not as if I told you I need that money before. and you decided I was a bit too mean#about you compiling a document I Need To in order to keep the room and board in the place I am living in. by the way#she proceeded to change topic completely to the weather and forget about anything ive told her on the clothes I have here#or about the courses I follow. she takes notes for my sister's classes but cannot be bothered to remember i dont have exams in april#that's fineeee it's fine. it's fine. I know my sistser needs the help and I don't. I would rather die than ask for her help anyways#you can at least pretend to forget about both of us equally instead of telling me I should graduate in two years because im smart enough#which I am not. by the way. At least when I will fail at something I'll have the opportunity to tell her I told you so thank god#dont get me wrong i know her giving me compliments is a good thing I just sort of wish the were things actually about me#and not about the idea she has about me being some kind of prodigy that's simply too lazy to actually be exceptional. anyways
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I just realized the most tragic thing - that I cannot gush about 31st October being Dziady / Forefathers' Eve because it's a Polish thing and none of my mutuals know what it is and no really good translation of the dramatic works exists to have them read it :(((
It's like a traditional Polish Halloween and nowadays it's mainly known from Adam Mickiewicz's (he's to Poland what Shakespeare is to England) 4-part drama centered around it. It follows a tortured poet (my blorbo, I love him) during the time Poland was partitioned and erased from the maps, its people oppressed but always fighting back. It is one of the most important and culturally significant Polish works ever created. And it's got, like so many themes, so many themes you guys. It's one of my favorite works ever one of my all-time dreams is to play Konrad, a protag from part 3.
So if anyone does know it or is interested in finding out more please please please message me or drop an ask I'd love to infodump!!!
#Come to the Forefather's Eve! We got:#DARK EVERYWHERE SILENT EVERYWHERE WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WHAT WILL HAPPEN???#hello i came to you to ask for Church's approval of our Christian-flavored spiritual seances and it's a national tradition so you gotta#today's youth has it too easy they cannot enter Heaven like that at least give them a yucky mustard seed#SHE HAS A FLOWERCROWN ON HER HEAD AND A GREEN WEED IN HER HAND AND BEFORE HER RUNS A LITTLE LAMB AND ABOVE HER FLIES A BUTTERFLY#*mama Imelda from Coco voice* a living boy in the land of the dead?!#romantic love evolving into (!!!) platonic love which is portrayed as better of the two (!!!) <3#Konrad <3 just. Konrad ily. the sad poet#can i call it the cell block tango? i'll call it the cell block tango#the og vampires!! everyone say thank you Slavs for giving you your favorite Halloween monsters!#milliyon TM#Mama Mary rescuing a feral blorbo by not letting him say the Ts word while blaspheming#Poland becoming the Jesus Christ of nations!!! (look it up it's true)#if i had a nickel for every villain struck down by lightning as God's punishment in Polish Romantic literature i'd have two nickels#why can't we find the cute boy i wasn't interested in before but now kinda am? cause you're using his DEAD NAME MARYNA!#so first part is Dziady 2 and the second part is Dziady 4 and the third part is Dziady 3 and as for Dziady 1 it was never finished so we#don't know where it falls chronologically and also there's the Pilgrim poem which is like a sequel to Part 3 and ther#and many many MANY more. it's so good you guys#dziady#adam mickiewicz#gustaw#konrad#wielka improwizacja#mała improwizacja#upiór#vampires#Polish literature#xix century Romanticism#forefathers' eve#🇵🇱
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me, when my body is in so much pain I can barely move: no this is fine I don't need any painkillers.
me, as soon as i have a tiny toothache or headache: DRUGS!! GIVE ME DRUGS!! ILL TAKE WHATEVER IVE GOT!!
#fucking wisdom tooth#yes my chronic pain is disabling and greatly impacts my life#but a lil headache fucks me up#maybe bc i got them fairly frequently in my teens and now I don't?#i know its probably bc im used to the body pain and not the head pain#and unable to move in bed is basically a tuesday for me#my mum and sister suffer with migraines and I don't know how they're able to do more shit in their daily lives than I am#ive had one migraine in my whole life and that was a medication side effect#and i thank god every day that my brain fog doesn't give me a headache#chronic pain#chronic illness#ellie talks
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not having Tighnari OR Sethos is making farming mats for Dehya & Cyno so tedious, istg they better give Kachina the local specialty passive or else they're getting suplexed straight to hell for making me suffer
#lychee txt#genshin impact#grabbing hoyo by the neck like a squeak toy & shaking them for randomly scattering character ascension materials all over the desert#I'm out here fighting for my life looking for these tiny ass beetles and pupa and these mfs are living it up!!!!#I don't even wanna use Dehya I just need to build more pyro units in case I need them for challenges 😭#thanking every god that I got Lyney or else farming for Neuvillette would've krilled me because wdym the only fontaine charas#with the local specialty passive ARE LIMITED 5 STARS??????
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I think some of y'all (people in uni) were never 15 and read, "we accept the love we think we deserve" and sobbed while reading perks of being a wallflower and it shows
#gift giving is not a competition to some of us bestie#love is not conditional#dont make me overwhelmed by making our mutual friends bday a fucking competition#thank god her best friend also agrees and we are both her best friends so we know#but just why are people so#like this insecurity with love is so insane#people who want to see your love will see your love at the end of the day and if they don't keep being the lighthouse around please#anyway in other good news spoke to the cool batchmate i always wanted to talk more with and she was also like bro i love having convos with#you lets hangout and so we ate dinner walked and talked about history partition cultural stories my ex friend's bisexuality crisis which was#so similar to hers also takked about my cultural crisis family stories her firefly house urdu poetry her boyfriend my career pospects#so yayy i guess but so tired presentation was good prof questioned a lot cause he literally knows my source text authors its his friend in#uni and this girl said he'll take us out for drinks on last day of course so yayyyyyyy#my roomie and her bf constantly talk eh that is but i am gonna shower play my playlist till i sleep#today has been something but atleast i will have dinner with a new person tomorrow as well so yayyyy#life is just being very overwhelmed lately and i just hope people i love know that i love them and i am missing them even though#they live a floor above from me or live miles away too actually#eni life stories
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this country is so fucked up. filled with so much violence and hate. ugh.
#this is why i don't ever want to discuss politics with someone who gives off radical left or right ideations#i'm disgusted with the comments i have read from both sides#thank god i have an assignment that is requiring me to be off every social media app for 7 days#i was going to start it tomorrow night but i might start tonight#anyways for those calling it staged block me#innocent people died#and i don't care about them supporting Trump. INNOCENT PEOPLE DIED.#sigh#i just want to live in a country were both sides of the senste can compromise and passing bills that would benefit both sides#because in all honesty the point is for us as a society is to stay united and succeed together.#no one will ever get everything they want but you can both compromise!!#anyways — i wish life was kinder and this world was more considerate and united.#i really don't like politics.#vent over#personal
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i was tagged by the biblically accurate angels @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for the september round up <33
i'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this combination of tracks but i'm simply not privy to it. tagging favs if you fancy it: @thvinyl @btscontentenjoyer @spicyclematis @hoseeok @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda MWAH and always @monismochi !!!!!!!
#thoughts and/or feelings (delete as appropriate) as follows:#say you'll be there - and what can i say? it's a spice world and we're just living in it#de selby pt.2 - still has me by the throat. must be the domnhall gleeson of it all#pusherman - love love love but genuinely not a single idea as to where this one came from#talk tonight - potentially one of the dreariest oasis tracks and that's saying something#(i'm a manc so i can say this without risk of being clotheslined by a gallagher in town)#growing sideways - lord forgive me but i do believe it is the season of the sticks. i'm terrified that i might never have met me???#500 psychic damage#teardrop - cover of the century. exceptional. no notes#don't let me get me - because missundaztood is an album and a half#linger - and i will be letting it!!!!! fuck#for us - she's the stand out for me. though don't worry i have already developed an unhealthy obsession with the entire album#american teenager - please for the love of god give ethel cain a chance if you haven't already. no one else is doing it like this#as for the artists. paolo nutini making a strong bid this month. i will always have feelings for you#also something something about every fleetwood mac girlie also being an abba girlie. can't fault that logic.#unrelated i need that stevie nicks barbie so bad i don't know what i'll do#tag#receiptify#mwah mwah mwah#thanks for coming <33
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weird mood of the day: having one (1) cup of coffee and experiencing what you suddenly realise is what it must be like to have a regulated nervous system
#oh my god. it's so quiet in here.#i'm starting to understand why people with ''normal'' nervous systems don't get why we're always so stressed out#if my mind was like this all the time i wouldn't get it either#really puts their ''idk i just get up and do stuff??? it's not hard????'' commentary in perspective#also unpleasantly puts my everyday ''wow everything is Extremely Difficult for some reason'' mode into perspective :/#it's a miracle i ever get anything done at all. living life on dark souls difficulty and other people are livin like... idk... sdv#actually sdv is also stressful to me. video game tasks are only fun when they're not like real-life tasks. then it's just Too Real#(this is also why i don't play animal crossing. a game where roaches invade your house if you neglect it? no thanks.)#unfortunately! anxiety is trying to sneak in the back door with ''better not waste this temporary reprieve! do something useful!''#shut the fuck up. shut up!!!! my GOD
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this post is sponsored by uppsulka
This post has nothing to do with Uppsulka I just had this doodle sitting for like a day. I just wanted to talk about my last post-- that ask about CQ’s story and the likes. I’ve gotten a handful of messages about it since I answered it (+a couple replies on the post itself) and I wanted to clarify a couple of things.
Please, if you’re worrying that I’m overworking myself, or pushing myself to put stuff out that isn’t ready yet, know that I am certainly not under any pressure to put things out before their due time. I share lots of tidbits about the story on this blog of course, but you may notice that any actual, physical writing for the story is virtually nonexistent on this blog. If I wanted to, I could have shared the drafts long ago, but I’m taking my time and making it perfect (for me). It will be out when it’s ready, and you don’t have to worry about outside pressures/lack of quality.
Another thing! Some of the messages I’ve gotten were in response to some of the tags on the post, as I am known to ramble quite a bit in the tags from time to time. I mentioned the possibility of me seeking out artistic help in the future. The amount of people wanting to help is heartwarming, it really helps me realise just how many people want to see this story come to fruition. However there’s still a long road before the real, official art for the story will come into play.
Finding the right people to help with such a personal project of mine, if I so choose to go down that fork in the road, would be an arduous process in making sure I know and trust those people and their abilities. (I’m also really picky about how my style is drawn, if people were to help. But that’s a discussion for another time) Not everyone has all the time in the world, either! This is a long term project. Keep in mind this story has been developing for over a decade, and while it’s only the last handful of years that I have really kicked everything into overdrive to try and fully piece it all together, it’s still probably got a while to go before I could ever consider it complete. So please, keep all of this in mind.
As I continue structuring and polishing the written story, I wish to release it in divided chunks. When any given chunk comes close to its finish, I’ll be having beta readers scour the texts for a little bit. Placeholder sketches would ideally be littered throughout the story as needed, but by beta reader’s judgement, more or less may be added. That right there, once the beta reading is done, is the end of the road to visuals-ville. That is to say, that’s when I’d start actually drawing out the things that I need.
So now you have some insight on how the process would work. Was it all necessary to explain? Probably not!!! But if I didn’t ramble so much, I don’t think I’d be able to write this story, either. It’s so big x_x.
All of this could be (and probably should have been) summarized to this:
For those who want to help, for those who truly enjoy the content I create for my universe and want to see more of it, I just ask for your support. Seeing likes, reblogs, reading the tags or comments people add onto the content I share, they really, really help keep me motivated. Every piece of fanart makes my day, whether I comment on it or not, I’m always behind the screen getting all giddy and excited that someone cares about the characters and world I’ve poured my heart and soul into. All the asks you guys send, while I can’t always answer all of them, it lets me know there are still people who are interested in the world and want to know more about it. That’s what keeps me wanting to write. So if you want to help, that’s how you can do it right now.
#i'm a very quiet person so i know i don't comment on a lot of stuff sent to me#but if you are reading this. if you have created fan content and wondered if i've seen it or not.#i probably have. it's all that's on my mind when I have the time#and my god the amount of video edits and color-overs of my sketches that i have saved from various people...#thank you guys for your support <:3#and i hope you're all staying warm and safe if you live in the northern hemisphere#especially if you live in the US right now. -70 degrees. what the fuck.
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please forgive me, but I need to complain and over-share or my brain is going to explode please feel free to ignore
#I'm not doing well.#the last two places I worked (in a tourism-adjacent sector) closed. broadly speaking due to post-lockdown financial issues#for the past year at my current job I've been earning less than half what I used to. this was the only offer I got at the time and#I haven't found anything better since. this is not sustainable I'm barely making it each month...#I live with my parents and cancelled my health insurance I don't know how else to reduce my budget. it's depressing tbh#the solution is obviously to find a better job but that's just not happening and I'm beginning to feel discouraged.#I hate being negative it's a very unattractive character trait but I just feel myself slipping and spiraling#I know I should be taking short courses or volunteering to boost my cv but like when ! and how !#I can't afford to work less but I get home at 20h so even evening courses are tricky. I work every other saturday too so weekends are out#and like I do need to rest at some point you can't be depressed and burnt out that's a terrible combo#was looking at a dtp/typesetting short course and 1) I'll need a new computer that can actually run design programs#and 2) the course itself is like 2 month's salaries which I cannot realistically save right now#and yet I'm still ''over-qualified'' for entry level positions because I went to uni. well maybe that's just a polite excuse#because as interesting as my humanities degrees were they didn't equip me with any practical or marketable skills#besides being good at reading and writing. but AI can do that for free now so that's not helpful#I always thought I was reasonably intelligent but I cannot solve this puzzle. there must be a creative solution that I'm missing#but i feel so stuck and trapped#and at least once a week some poor soul stumbles in to the office practically begging for a job so I feel bad for complaining#a little truly is better than nothing#but thank god we elected more pro-business capitalists into government that really is going to be great for us workers (sarcasm)#also I should acknowledge#I am getting some déjà vu. I feel like I've vented about this topic before#the difference is. back then it was a potential concern. now the concern has materialised into reality and rendered the situation desperate
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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orvphil: so real
for example used analysis on the following instances
orville's physical reluctance & difficulty kneeling to propose to jane vs. readily swinging right into such a kneel with phil during 'til we meet again
'til we meet again
(see above) noting the "both immediately becoming So happy to be doing this" and "staring at each other for an unbroken ten seconds after finishing the song which was evidently beyond simply a [hold for applause] thing"
having indeed an adorable little meet-cute, which may not be an integral part of every eventual writer/lyricist & composer partnership
when phil drops in at wingate manor and he an orville have a private little wave to each other like =)
sitting next to each other sharing a hay bale and orville gets drinks for them both and phil walks orville home
lucky day
the choreography where orville's at the piano and phil swings it out while rotating it and orville's "walking" while sitting to one side to help (my analysis: going ohhhhh ;w;)
both simultaneously answering "his" when asked whose song it is like the earnest effortless mutual admiration and appreciation huh fellas
margaret talking about protecting your heart from these theatricals; orville Is one of these theatricals, and he loves it; phil watching him / reacting in this moment including his little "hell yeah" move like he had for orville going off in lucky day
their general enthusiasm together / for each other / enjoyment of being around each other and increased ease of operating when around each other
phil wishing orville could hear his music and talking about how orville ruined his own night to save theirs, then remarking "...what a guy!" mmhm
🌈🌈🌈
#orvphil#summer stock#orville wingate#also everyone was so funny & my god they were dancing & it's so true this show was a delight. i laughed smiled applauded effused enjoyed#shoutout to orville's escaping ''don't do Anything but get married have children'' through theatre; being gay; a little luck#it's so true: william (orville) & veanne (margaret) & gilbert (phil) were all so funny & great individually & in any combo#anthony/tony (montgomery) too lmao his ''....how dare you.'' iconic#shoutout to having orville show up for 1 Sec (in pajamas i believe) for the purposes of villain i have done thy mother. he just lives here#phil is great. trying to hold it together....writer's trick from my momma Use Your Words#and then with orville helping out he can chill out & enjoy his wins & orville can have any wins & enjoy them & chill & Do Things too#and everyone is so cool to him right away. why wouldn't they be. hugging like everybody hey besties#obviously corbin bleu is being his national treasure america's sweetheart leading role & Dancing....all the praises warranted#everyone crushes their role & is a delight. including any little moments w/the ensemble / all Ensembling things. go t.j.#it was great of course & a delight & again the orvphil is extremely real. 100% the textual intention & execution. thanks cheri love you#let's get that summer 2024 show if they can / wanna for real (they want to; let's just see it shake out. summer 2024 is pure speculation)#Oh Nooo if i forgot anything & have to reblog & add to this / rewatch & re/discover any delights
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i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately
#art#i'll be yapping in the tags#its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually#ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear#“oh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymore”. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic#in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that#but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess#we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen#i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live#but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean#the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet#it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before#i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs#the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze#now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of#im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it#because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment#i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes#i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then#i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it#perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills#and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain#perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing#one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck#but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane#next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century#thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye#i made a typo in the word “sertraline” but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft
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