#than working here on a rough day
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Work retail, they said. It will cure your social anxiety, they said.
It's been five years. Not only has my social anxiety NOT improved, but I have all kinds of new anxieties! I get nightmares about rotisserie chicken availability! Even if I'm at other stores and off the clock, I freeze in fear when the music turns off and the paging system turns on! I flinch at the ringtone of the store phone! I can feel fear curdling in my stomach if the phone rings when there are no cars in the parking lot because that means it's almost certainly a customer complaint! The word 'coupon' fills me with dread in any context now!
#vent post#negative#veresiine irl#posting this because God willing I will be leaving this job soon#because my physical and mental health are deteriorating pretty rapidly#and with all the changes corporate has forced on us starting this summer#all my coworkers are on the brink of collapse too#there are a few more specific anxieties but basically#the only fear this job has helped with is fear of being hit by a motor vehicle#because we have so many near-misses all the time and also frankly broken bones sound better#than working here on a rough day#it's a parking lot so people are going low speeds so a collision probably wouldn't be fatal#honestly I'm much less traumatized by that time I almost got shot in the store parking lot#than I am from some of the verbal customer interactions I've had#in part because I got like. actual support. 'go take your lunch and get something good. Do you need to go home?'#'you were so brave for going through that. I'm so glad you're safe'#vs the verbal abuse is just. an expected part of the job#even if I do get sympathy from coworkers if I cry#why am I - an autistic person with severe social anxiety - working customer service (both in-person and on the phone) anyway?
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BLOOD HEIST 2.0
sometime between s2 ep 1 and s2 ep 3.....
oh.... so THAT'S what they were doing in 7th period
[inspired by my other wip that im working on]
bonus:
yeah theirs, obviously....
[full photos under the cut]
#benny looks weird here but idk#im tireddddd#somehow i feel like this rough took longer than the full piece im working on#it took 2 full days to make basically#ethan looks like tim from brainpop#oh well im tired#mbav#my babysitter's a vampire#my babysitters a vampire#benny weir#rory keaner#ethan morgan#sarah fox#erica jones#mine#mbav fanart#mbav art#ismoveme draws
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Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent
Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people
#obviously it's always funny to do the whole 'what do u have there Damian?' 'a knife!' 'nO' thing#and like make him a horrendous and silly evil gremlin who can and will pull a sword out in the middle of a parking lot to fight#but listen#he doesn't like the assassin background that much and once he learns about like The Normal World he's honestly in anguish about it#that's canon! that's the truth! (right?) (the whole thing with Goliath?? I'm not making it up right???)#i think he's just the kind of guy who loves his swords because they're what he knows and they're a strong connection to his family#but I think it's nice if he spends his time on field telling others what to do because everyone else learned to fight the OTHER way#(by defending and subduing opponents rather than maiming and killing)#so he prefers to take on a tactician general role despite being perfectly capable as a fighter because he knows what everyone else needs#to do to succeed in fights - especially when things are a bit of a mess - but is afraid to be too rough or scary or violent or Demon Son-is#(the things that make him feel like he doesn't belong in a happy civilian world - WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.)#in this essay I will explain why this allows for him to show awe and love for each of his siblings' fight styles by utilising all of them#and I just think Dami Babs and Tim could really work together as a detective/tactician comms team (with varying distances from the field)#because I think that'd be so fun: Tim is solving (mid-range) Babs is watching/providing supports (far) and Damian is commanding (close)#because the others are like The Bruisers (in their non-lethal way) who trust themselves to only hurt as much as is needed and are good at i#PLUS babs is SO stretched thin and literally the backbone of the bats so I just want a future where some of the kids become HER robins yk#anyway back to the point of the post:#it's kind of alluded to in 2017 supersons; EVERYONE in it comments on how Robin is JUST doing flips and shouting orders#and jon is like The Muscle and the one Doing Stuff - but Jon IS following orders 85% of the time and it works out well for them because#that dynamic of 'I'm not sure I can do it right by myself and I trust you to be my partner so we can do it right together' really#is my favourite like.. they're both filling these ideas of who they're meant to be and they just :( they just seek their own path together#oh no I lost the point again immediately and it became another WHY DO THEY SEPARATE THEM rant#I just think it's really fun to think of Damian as 'the most well trained fighter but ALSO the most likely to step back from a fight'#like yeah when we add in my thoughts on pit rage it adds some angst but that doesn't matter here in THIS post#have I even talked about my hc on pit rage/madness? I don't think I have LMAO (maybe another day)#anyway it's late I'm tired why do I always chat in the tags so much#my posts are literally all in the tags 2% post 98% tags smh#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne
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Betty’s Wish (1/?) (Patreon)
It’s definitely weird that Betty, with all her Magical abilities, never met a Wishmaster, right? I think so
[First | Prev | Next]
#My art#Comic#Adventure Time#Prismo#Betty Grof#Oh this is much bigger than I'm used to lol - feel free to open in a new tab#My big project! Here it is! :D Or at least the first piece of it lol#I worked on quite a lot of it through Requestober - or at least the digital cleans lol#If you'll recall my ''This has gotten way out of hand'' posts about Winter and the like - yeah it was actually this lol#And that was just the roughs! This became my warmup project for the remainder of RQTR 2023 lol#It definitely worked! All the way around! I got lots of panels done in short order and got my warmups in for the day#These are mostly drawn right on top of my original sketches - other than adding Betty's kerchief#I would've gone over her hair to make her more on-model but hrnnghhh hair fun to drawww#This is my happy medium compromise lol#Prismo was also a treat to work on ♪ He's vectors as you can probably tell :)#And I still looooove working with vectors ahhhhhh <3 <3 They're so fun to manipulate and move around#I can change his expressions so quickly! Very enjoyable to work with :D#Hehe ♪ He's also not confined to the panels the same way Betty is :)#Anyhow! I have Several more of these planned but for now I'm just happy I finally have this one :D#For reference this is set before the end of Adventure Time - obvs since Betty looks like this - but also kinda not lol#Y'know how it is with time and paradoxes and stuff :)#Even Prismo knows ♪ He probably knows best of all actually hehehe
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hi so, checking in (sorry, its personal bullshit again, ill get back to the fandom stuff you actually wanted,,,, eventually)
things. are going bad. like, really bad, like last january bad. like im about to lose all my personhood again bad. im hoping its still just going to be a small blip and things will start upticking soon, but. im bracing for that not to be the case. it feels different to me
i vaguely mentioned earlier in the week taking a bit of a step back, and ive decided to extend that into a full break. my queues probably going to run out before im back, though i have slowed it down some. thatll be the only noticable difference for 99% of people. i wont guarantee any dm responses on here, but ill do my best for the couple of people who have me on discord
i didnt really want to do this again but it gets messy in my head, and ive found the best way to control the clawing beast of attention and need and the things that make me want to be a person i dont want to be is to cut it off at the source. its not nice, and it hurts, and it definitely kills the chances of making friends but. i promise you its better than the alternative.
ill see you when i see you, i guess. i hope its soon. i hope this isnt how it feels to be. i hope the feelings that have existed this week go dormant again. but itll be what itll be. i can't change that
#i know these things do not matter in the long run but it feels important to me to say#easier to concentrate on public presence than the emotions of it i guess#nyxtalks#vent#not going to lie to you my friends. im scared#the problem is ultimately. it all feels rational in the end. it feels weighted and worthy and not just a product of mental illness#so i can sit here and feel as in control of my headspace as i want. its just i agree with my darkest thoughts#am i even a person worth the effort? all evidence points to one very clear answer#anyway#it scares me. ive felt more at home in my skin these past few months. had some rough spots for sure but. i hoped this would go away for muc#longer. i hoped i could at least get a couple of years#i dont know. i live in hopes of an impossible future where the dark doesnt get so dark you know? i think thatd be nice#i still can't function in any of the ways a person should. but at least i wouldnt be such a burden then#itd be easier to carry. if it was lighter#i dont really know what im saying im just. scared & sad & spending my entire day at work catastophising (and sm stuff there is NOT helping)#and all i really want is to lie curled up with my friends and not move for days and be held and comforted and feel a love that is true#and i dont even think thatd change things. i dont think anything can help me#even in my most fantastical scenarios i dont change. im just easier to love that way#ok im going to shut up now i dont think any of that had a point. its just rambles for me and me alone#ill see you when i see you. dont know when but i will be back. i can promise you that much#i have plans to keep for now at least
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My brain is so full of Bees about Post-Shift 2.
It's a fan game that was delayed for 4 years -- by the time it released, fnaf fangames as a whole were not as popular as they had been, & most people in the scene had forgotten about Post-Shift 1, so not a lot of people heard about it/played it.
Worse still is the people who did talk about the game. Pretty unanimously, the consensus was this: this game is the craziest, most insane fnaf fangame. It's overly difficult with mechanics that have no rhyme or reason to them & tutorials that are wordy, unhelpful, & sometimes actively mislead the player, meaning you need to comb through a lot of text only to be misinformed. It's not as infamous as some other fangames, but it definitely was talked about very poorly.
In general, I think most of these criticisms were blown up out of proportion, but I can't really disagree with most people's problems -- it is difficult & wordy, & rather hard to understand. I think, however, that the game is still 1. Really fun, 2. Not a bad game at all, &, most importantly, 3. Is a free fucking game that was clearly a passion project. Most damn fangames never get off the fucking ground when made in groups because the creators will never make a red cent off the thing -- this game was made by one dude for 4 years & delivered to people for free. It didn't ask anything of you except to accept it as a difficult game & to not go in with wild expectations. The dev just wanted to make a game that was rough, but he also wanted to make a game that felt unique & was fun. & It is fun, too, is the damn thing.
#em.txt#ps2 post#post-shift 2#i obviously am biased#i also obviously have more to say#but for now i think this is a start. i think this is fine so far.#i got counter arguments i was gonna type about the problems#bc tbh i think the difficulty isn't as big a problem as the difficult curve -- it starts very high for a fangame#bc it assumed you know what they're like. you know how fangames work. but it over assumes that all the mechanics#work at the same frequency as other fangame#the difficulty curve of night 1 is pretty tough place to start which turned a lot of people off#especially with how long & unclear th tutorials are & of course night 1's tutorial starting with a character that is unused in that night#it's rough. night 2 is even tougher. but night 3 is a cakewalk once you beat 2 bc it only adds 2 threats#so you might expect the next night to be as easy or even easier & in my eyes yeah -- night 4 is easier than 1 even#except that it's completely different & is asking the player to learn a new game entirely which is its own difficulty#but i can crank out a night 4 easy peasy no prolem. so you might expect night 5 to be even easier right? WRONG#WRONG WRONG WRRRONNNGG even people who know what they are doing struggle#because a mechanic in the game actively increases the difficulty as the difficulty is increased which is EVIL#& night 6 is even harder i have seen 3 people beat night 6 it is absurd#i sat in a call with another PS2 fan who clearly played thr game s lot & loved it but they could not beat the night normally#& this night has fucking optional difficulty modifiers when you finish that make it harder it is hell on earth#there is no checkpoints it is bad it is so bad I haven't beaten it i talk abt this game every day i play all the nights#i do not fucking play this night bc the way the tutorial works is unreal & unhelpful it wants you to remember#all this shit but it removes the 'walk around & click things before the night starts to see how they work/where they are'#& then it changes every 2 hours to something new so you won 12-2 but you hit 2 & forgot this one person's mechanic#but the only way to read the tutorial again is to close the game bc it automatically puts you back into the night#& will not take you to the home screen to view the booklet for night 6 it's insane#so yeah. there is difficulty. but the difficulty curve being this inconsistent is worse tbh#i get night 6 is meant to be like a 'everyone is here!' bossfight but it's overwhelming & there is too damn much
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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#so there's big stuff happening in my life#and i remembered that I used to go on tumblr to vent about my feelings and heartache etc. using this as a diary.#and it would always idk. help.#because we were such a big friend group and someone would listen. anyone.#so idk who's still here#but: i'm very sad these days#and I'm gonna start taking some meds for depression and adhd if i ever find someone who will medicate me bc my therapist isn't licensed#to do so. but yes so hopefully this one clinic will take me in as an outpatient and at least give me anti depressants even if they can't do#diagnostics for adhd so if anyone in germany (nrw) knows someone who will diagnose adhd pls tell me#furthermore i have fucked up a fuckton#and i'm like. at rock bottom of my life.#i don't think I've ever been this like. distraught.#to put it short: i am v bad with finances and then i go and don't tell the truth about it bc of shame? so much shame. and like. the need fo#everything to be okay. even if it isn't. at least the pretense counts right? so i've not been honest to the ppl i loved most. and in turn#things are hard and rough rn#it's obviously much more than i'm putting in my tags here but yes. i'm working on myself and hopefully am gonna put things right. but yeah
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Not an ask, I just really like your art of solo
((Really glad you do!! And nice of you to say so! Solo has basically been a main comfort character to draw lol. I majored in art, so drawing is kinda something I realllly like to do.
Sometimes I don't feel like I even can draw, but just sitting down and doing it anyway can help with getting out of that funk.
Today was like that - I didn't feel like I'd be able to hold a pencil properly [after yesterday was really rough.] But just doing this when I got home made me happier, and yes I'm doing much better now! <3
Youngster Solo doodles Rogue
#groggy all day XP but monumentally better than yesterday#I guess to just elaborate in the tags a little on what “really rough” means here if anyone is actually curious or concerned heh -#I spent the day at the ER in truthfully excruciating pain [kidney stone] x.x#like the heck I'm in my early 20s whyy :')#Sooo now to keep tabs on chronic dehydration and all the stuffs woohoo#ngl I have a track record of pushing myself too hard and a lot of work is done outside as the weather heats up#take care ya'll#i'm trying#answered asks#ooc#anonymous#my art
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#sar.txt#polls#i have worked a full week in an office setting and have made so many phone calls.#like more phone calls in the past 7 days than i have in the past 7 years#it's rough out here
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i am a little worried about you Princess. are you ok?
#I’m doing….. okay??????#I love my new job so that’s great#I get to be with puppies all day#have to do a lot of cleaning but they are worth it 🫶#but my depression and anxiety have been baaaaaaad lately#I have a few ideas why my depression has been rough lately#but that doesn’t make it any easier#I want to work and be with dogs all day every day but I can’t work thaaaat much (only part time)#also it doesn’t pay amazingly unfortunately so I’ll probably have to find another job on top of it#especially with my 26th birthday coming A LOT faster than I’d like#I’ve had to do a lot of cleaning and packing which is completely fair since my parents want to have people over for the holidays#totally totally fair#but it’s also sad cause I have to box up a lot of my stuff/hobbies#like I boxed up practically all of my painting stuff since idk when I’ll be able to do that again#my room is jam packed with shit so I’ve only been home to sleep#spend the rest of the time in the car but it’s not really mine so I can’t smoke in here so half of the time I fall asleep#idk idk idk I just feel like I’m complaining all the damn time so I’m trying to shut up and keep it to myself a bit#it’s just the same thing over and over again and nothing is gonna change unless I move#and that’s incredibly unrealistic right now#also I’m worried about my dad more and more each day so that doesn’t help#I want to do something with him or for him but our relationship hasn’t been the best and idk how to fix it#and I’m terrified something is going to happen and I won’t be able to#oooofda that was a lot#and that was only a little bit of what’s going on#but at least I have a job now so that’s cool haha#sometime I’ll have to show you guys some puppy pics I have so many now haha#thanks for checking in lovely#I hope you’ve been doing ok 🫶#ask
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Jonathan and Speedwagon chatting and laughing while walking into the room when...
ｂ ｏ ｎ ｋ
#[it has happened more times than these two would like to admit lol]#[the downsides of being almost 2 mts. tall uu]#[anyways hiiii everyone~~]#[as usual: sorry about the silence]#[among stuff irl killing the mood and a bunch other stuff that has been getting in the way recently...]#[been taking it slow for a bit but shit's been ROUGH gfhgj]#[i want to do stuff around here tonight]#[if i recall correctly i had some wips done halfway in my docs?]#[so i'll check and start there if i have any]#[if not then i'll work on stuff in a bit of a chronological order since i have months old replies waiting for a response]#[in addition to that: Thank you so much for their patience to everyone who i've kept waiting for a reply!!]#[didn't mean to take this long but mannnn... real life has really been testing me ;-;]#[hope everyone's doing well and having a wonderful day/night!!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic
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I need to write two characters with the most unhinged enmeshed nonromantic relationship imaginable. and I need to do it right now
#I LIKE being aromantic. is the thing#it rules it kicks ass etc all you dumbasses are faffing around worrying about kissing when you could be looking at pictures of fish#or literally anything else#I'm right about this. everyone else is fussed about nothing#HOWEVER. it is a tad bit lonely. when it feels like everyone else in the world is worrying about kissing#and there I am. looking at pictures of cool fish on my own#I'm saying it kind of jokily but like... genuinely it's rough out here sometimes!!#I see my dear friends being happy in relationships and I am happy for them but it's.#you know. there's a bit of an edge to it. there's this feeling that people don't value the way that I love - even though I surround myself#with lovely people and I know that's not true - and it's hard not to feel like one day I will be left behind#I'm getting a bit older and it's getting harder to work with peoples' schedules and I'm scared for what it means for ten years from now#everyone will find people who are more important to them than me. and I will still be looking at the pictures of fish#and then I go to my little books and shows and all manner of stories and ALL OF THESE GUYS ARE FUSSED ABOUT KISSING TOO#and it's like goddamn can't a bitch catch a break#can't a bitch see people caring for each other in a way he can understand#romance is sweet and all sometimes. I don't despise it. but fucking hell if it isn't oversaturated as shit!!!!#enough!!!!! we've seen enough of this!!!! if I don't right now think of seven different platonic ways#for people to be profoundly important to one another. that are also kind of fucked up but like in a delightful way#I am going to FLIP MY LID#anyway google the barreleye fish right now. it's a cool ass fish#fay complains
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"I'll be there for you, no matter what you're going through I'll be there with you, anytime that you need me to"
Nyx Hopper & Jen Brooks (for @jennathearcher)
#jennathearcher#ok so this isn't what I had originally planned to make for you but that wasn't working so I had to pivot so I hope it's ok!#also sorry it's so late! it's been a rough month#did I use olivia for his basically so I could use the middle picture? pretty much lmao#these photo choices made more sense in my head than they probably do on here oops sorry#I was just thinking of the things we've talked about before like the helping each other get ready for certain things for the make up etc#and the books because about what we talked about the other day#also I realise you can't actually see the inaudible shit talking caption for the taylena one but it's iconic so i had to lmao#I'll stop rambling now oops#jen and nyx
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today has been a good day. started earlier than usual and didn't follow the typical routine, but for once, that wasn't a bad thing. I got some sculpting done, I streamed a game with some cool folks, I handled some obligations. I have a few more things to do today, and there are a few things that I wrote down which won't get done, but that's okay. it's been a good day
#i refuse to let the early sunset hamper my mood this evening#we're still having a good day here#rambling#the second half of the month will be rough and i don't expect to have much me-time#so im trying to embrace these easier days before they're gone#and also draw my xmas gifts so they're done before i die lol#might not get much progress on my zine piece done for a while but that's alright there's time#only art left to do which i don't already have a plan for is stagbells. don't know my assignment yet but i have fun making those gifts#i have cosmetic mod for an AU of mine in the works#dunno when that'll be done. it's not a high priority but it's also a lot less work than a whole custom knight lol
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im so tired. bones so sore and im so so sleepy
#im so so tired im glad I get tomorrow off#this weekend has been rough#just for work honestly#fucking super Mario came out and we've been slammed#we had 73 come in for ONE showing of it. on a MONDAY AFTERNOON!!!#I had to work a closing shift with the worst manager here#worked every day expect for Friday#and then today I was the only concession worker on shift because [redacted] skipped work and got their dumb ass fired#we had a massive party of almost 300 people. three separate theaters rented out and full of kids#for what movie you may ask? thats right its the fucking Mario movie#its been out for less than a week and I already want it gone#dani speaks
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