#texting; holding all your texts like memories | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lazy-ahh · 3 days ago

Note

Hi, Lazy-ahh! Can I ask for main Mark x AMAB reader? In another universe, reader lost his Mark. He somehow travels to main Mark’s universe. Out of desperation, reader murders the other version of himself to take his place and have a second chance with his boyfriend. But it’s only a matter of time before Mark finds out.

REPLACEABLE

pairing mark grayson x (alternate dimension) AMAB reader

in another dimension, you lost mark. now, you'll destroy anything—even yourself—to get him back. but when mark starts noticing the blood under your nails, you realize: some ghosts can't be buried. and some loves aren't yours to keep.

taglist @hhoneylemon , @queermaeda , @yujensstuff , @thebatsgreatestfailure , @roryroro

you miss him.

it’s a hollow, gnawing thing, chewing through your ribs like a starving animal, leaving behind nothing but an ache so deep you swear it’s carved into your bones. you miss the way he laughed, loud and unguarded, the way his nose scrunched when he teased you, the way his fingers tangled in yours like he never wanted to let go—like you were something precious, something worth holding onto.

but your mark is gone.

you don’t remember much about how it happened, the memory too traumatic to remember yet too painful to forget—just screaming, the metallic tang of blood in the air, the way his body hit the ground too hard, too still, the sickening crack of impact that still echoes in your nightmares. you remember clutching his face, your fingers smearing red across his cheeks, begging him to wake up, to breathe, but his eyes stayed empty, staring past you into nothing.

you weren’t fast enough. you weren’t strong enough.

and then, somehow, you weren’t in your world anymore.

you weren’t even given the chance to grieve yet, to mourn, to scream into the void until your voice gave out. one second, you were kneeling in the wreckage of your life, and the next, you were standing on a sidewalk under a sun that felt too bright, too cruel.

this universe is almost the same. the same streets, the same sky, the same stupid posters of omni-man and the guardians of the globe plastered on bus stops, their smug faces grinning down at you like some sick joke. but then you see him—mark, your mark, alive and whole and laughing, his voice ringing through the air like a punch to the chest. your breath stutters, your chest cracks open, and suddenly you’re drowning all over again.

he’s right there.

you watch him for days, a ghost haunting the edges of his life. he goes to class, he texts his friends, he flies off to fight bad guys like nothing’s wrong, like the world hasn’t ended. it seems like he had just recently gotten his superpowers, his movements still a little unsteady mid-air, nothing like the effortless grace of your mark. your mark had gained his while he was trying to save you during a villain attack, his body slamming into yours as he shielded you from debris, his eyes wide with panic and determination as his powers finally sparked to life. you’d been walking toward a comic store to buy the latest issue of seance dog, his hand warm in yours, his voice teasing as he argued about which volume was better—as cliché and romantic as the scenario was, it was yours. but this mark wasn’t your mark. he didn’t have the memories you two shared, the inside jokes, the quiet nights pressed together under the glow of his laptop screen. he just lived his life happily and heroically, like he didn’t die in your arms. like you didn’t lose everything.

and then you see him. no—not him. you.

the other version of you in this dimension. it seemed like you didn’t get superpowers, didn’t go through the intense training that carved your body into something sharper, something meant to survive. you were... normal. soft in a way you hadn’t been in years. this version of you didn’t get to go on dates where you and mark just flew through the vast, endless night sky, the air cold and biting as you clung to him, the world below reduced to scattered lights while above you, the cosmos sprawled out in all its glory—endless stars, streaks of auroras painting the dark in rippling greens and purples, depending on where the two of you decided to go that night. you didn’t get to fight side by side, didn’t get to know the rush of battle, the way mark’s laughter would cut through the chaos as the two of you pulled off some stupid, reckless stunt, the way he’d press his forehead to yours after, breathless and bleeding, whispering, we make a good team.

but this you—this soft, powerless, ordinary you—was the one who still got to hold mark’s hand. who still got to kiss him goodnight. who still got to exist in a world where he was alive.

it’s not fair.

you don’t plan it. at least, you don’t think you do. but when you see them together—mark’s arm slung around his shoulders, his smile so bright it hurts, like looking directly into the sun—something inside you snaps. something dark and cruel and selfish, something that’s been festering deep inside you, rotting you from the core, finally consumes you whole.

he was walking home alone. it’s easy. he was normal. you were not.

you remember not even letting him scream. every time the memory comes crashing back, it’s like watching a scene play out from somewhere outside your body—like you’re floating in the back of your own mind, numb and detached, as the darkness in your veins pulls your strings, as your hands move without your permission. you let it happen. you let yourself drown.

you had gracefully landed behind them, silent as a shadow. your reflection in the dim streetlights would’ve been horrifying if they’d turned around fast enough to see it—your eyes sunken, bruised with exhaustion, your lips chapped from biting back screams, your hair a mess from nights spent clawing at your own scalp just to feel something. you looked like a ghost. like something already dead.

you remember the way they turned around, playful and fond, expecting it to be mark, only for their expression to twist into surprise. then—wonder? awe? you remember feeling perplexed, watching as this other version of you lit up, rambling in passionate excitement about how cool it was to see another version of himself. you had explained, briefly, that you were a superhero in your dimension, that you fought alongside mark, and their face had glowed with admiration, with playful jealousy, with this aching, innocent want—god, i wish i could do that. i wish i could be out there with him.

then, you remember telling them, voice hollow, that your mark died. because you were too weak. too slow. too human to save him.

and their expression—it falls. their smile shatters like glass, their eyes widening in something like grief, like understanding, because they love mark too, and the thought of losing him—

you watch the exact moment realization creeps in. their breath hitches. their fingers twitch, like they want to reach for you, or maybe run. their lips part—wait—

but you’re already moving.

"but... don’t worry," you whisper, and your voice doesn’t even sound like yours anymore. "you’ll be able to fight alongside him too. it’s just... it wouldn’t be you." your hand brushes their cheek, almost tender. "but then again, we are the same person anyway, right...?"

their face twists in horror.

you don’t let them scream.

(≧∇≦)ﾉ☆

mark notices something's off.

not at first. at first, you're perfect—maybe too perfect. you know all his favorite foods (the way he likes his burgers slightly pink in the middle, how he picks the mushrooms out of his pasta but will eat them if they're chopped small enough). you remember every stupid inside joke, every embarrassing childhood story his mom told you that one thanksgiving. your hands find all the right places—the spot behind his ear that makes him shiver, the way his shoulders tense after patrol that requires just the right amount of pressure to melt away. you curl into him on the couch like a dying star collapsing inward, pressing your face into the warm hollow of his neck, breathing him in like he's oxygen and you've been drowning for months.

maybe he is. maybe he's the only thing keeping you from dissolving completely.

"you've been clingy lately," he murmurs one night, fingers tracing idle circles along the knobs of your spine. you've lost weight. his voice is fond but there's something else there now—a question. "not that i'm complaining."

you tighten your arms around him like he might vanish if you loosen your grip. "just missed you."

he laughs, soft and warm, but it doesn't reach his eyes the way it used to. "i was gone for, like, two hours."

you press closer instead of answering, your fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt.

silence stretches. then his hand stills on your back. "...y/n?"

"mhm?"

"look at me."

you don't want to. but you do.

his brows are furrowed, thumb brushing under your eye where the shadows have grown darker, more permanent. "you look like shit." it's supposed to be a joke but his voice cracks. "when was the last time you slept? actually slept?"

you try to smile. it feels like tearing open a wound. "'m fine."

"bullshit." his hands frame your face, calloused and warm and so painfully familiar it makes your chest ache. "you're shaking. you've been—i don't know, jumpy? like you're expecting something to—" he cuts himself off, swallows hard. "talk to me. please."

the concern in his voice is worse than anger would've been. you want to laugh. you want to scream. you want to tell him everything—how you wake up choking on his name, how every time he leaves the room you're half-convinced he won't come back, how sometimes you still smell blood when there's none there.

instead, you press your forehead to his and whisper, "bad dreams."

it's not entirely a lie.

mark exhales, long and slow, his breath warm against your lips. "okay," he murmurs, like he doesn't believe you but won't push. not yet. "okay. but you gotta eat something, alright? and sleep. actual sleep. i'll be right here." his arms tighten around you. "not going anywhere."

you close your eyes.

(you don't tell him that's what your mark said too.)

(≧∇≦)ﾉ☆

it's the little things that give you away.

the way you flinch when a car backfires two blocks away—too loud, too sudden, too much like that day. how you forget cecil's name during dinner when mark mentions him, even though the other you had known him since freshman year. the way you sometimes stare at mark across the room like he's a miracle, like he's already gone, your fingers twitching with the need to touch him just to prove he's real.

and then there are the nightmares.

you wake up screaming more often than not, sheets tangled around your thrashing limbs, your throat raw like you've been swallowing glass. the images never fade—blood on your hands, mark's vacant eyes, the way his body had felt so heavy when you cradled him. you scrub your skin raw in the shower until it's pink and stinging, but the phantom stains remain. you see them in the dark, in the flicker of streetlights through the blinds, in the rust-colored water swirling down the drain.

mark always wakes when you do.

his arms are around you before you can choke out another sob, pulling you against his chest where you can feel his heartbeat—steady, alive, here. "hey," he murmurs into your hair, voice thick with sleep but achingly tender, "it's okay. i've got you." his lips press against your damp temple, your forehead, the corner of your eye where tears still cling. "breathe, baby. just breathe."

you want to sob harder at the pet name. the other you had loved it too.

your fingers clutch at his shirt like a lifeline, nails digging into the fabric as you try to anchor yourself in the present. mark doesn't complain, just holds you tighter, one hand rubbing slow circles between your shoulder blades. "was it the same dream?" he asks softly.

you nod against his collarbone, unable to speak past the guilt lodged in your throat.

"wanna talk about it?"

you shake your head.

he doesn't push. just shifts until he can tuck you under his chin, your ear pressed over his pulse point. "listen to that," he whispers. "i'm right here. not going anywhere." his fingers card through your sweat-damp hair, gentle and sure. "you're stuck with me, y'know?"

a wet laugh escapes you, half-hysterical. if only he knew.

when you finally drift off again, it's to the rhythm of his breathing and the warmth of his hand still tangled in yours—like he's afraid you'll disappear if he lets go.

(you wish you could tell him he's holding a ghost.)

(≧∇≦)ﾉ☆

he finds out on a thursday.

you don't know how. maybe he followed you when you slipped out before dawn to scrub blood from under your nails in a gas station bathroom. maybe he found the shallow grave you dug behind the abandoned church, the dirt still loose after three weeks of rain. maybe the other you's friends noticed their texts going unanswered, their calls ignored, the way you'd flinch whenever someone said their name.

but when you push open the bedroom door—still smiling, still pretending, still holding the takeout bag from mark's favorite burger place—he's standing in the middle of the room. the blinds are closed. the lights are too bright. his face is pale as milkglass.

"where's y/n?" he asks. his voice is too quiet, too careful, like he's holding back a hurricane.

your stomach drops through the floor. the bag slips from your fingers, greasy fries scattering across the hardwood. "i'm right here."

"no." his hands are shaking now, clenched at his sides like he wants to hit something. or you. "the real y/n. where are they?"

you open your mouth. nothing comes out but a thin, wounded sound.

mark's eyes drag over you—the too-sharp angles of your face that don't quite match the photos on the fridge, the way your fingers twitch toward your pockets where bloodstained gloves are hidden, the defensive hunch of your shoulders like you're waiting for the world to end. again. his breath hitches. "oh my god." his voice cracks down the middle. "you—you're not them. what did you do?"

the grief in his voice is a knife between your ribs. you can feel yourself splitting open at the seams.

"i had to," you whisper. your voice sounds shattered, like you've been screaming for years. "i couldn't—i couldn't lose you again."

"again?" his face twists like he's tasting something rotten. "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"you died." the words pour out of you like pus from an infected wound, thick and putrid with guilt. "in my world, you died in my arms—your blood soaking through my clothes, your eyes going blank while i begged you to stay—and i—" your voice fractures, "i wasn't fast enough, i wasn't strong enough, and then i was here and you were alive but you weren't mine and i just—" your knees hit the floor with a sickening crack, but you don't feel the pain. "i just wanted you back."

mark stumbles back like you've physically struck him, his shoulders hitting the wall with a dull thud. his hands fly up to clutch at his hair, fingers twisting in the dark strands until his knuckles bleach white. "so you killed him?" his voice is barely recognizable—raw and shattered. "you killed yourself just to—to what? replace him? wear his face like some fucked-up mask?!"

"i didn't want to be alone!" you scream so hard your throat tears, the taste of copper flooding your mouth. "you don't understand—you're alive here, breathing and whole and—" your voice breaks into a whimper, "and i couldn't—i couldn't keep waking up to a world where you don't exist—"

mark's crying. really crying—the kind of sobs that wrack his entire body, tears streaming down his face in hot, silent rivers. you've never seen him cry before, not even when he broke his arm during a fight, not even when his dad disappointed him for the hundredth time. his breath comes in ragged, wet gasps as he slides down the wall, his legs giving out beneath him.

"you're a monster," he chokes out, the words barely audible but cutting deeper than any blade. his red-rimmed eyes meet yours, and the look in them—horror, grief, betrayal—makes your stomach twist violently.

you collapse forward, your forehead pressing against the cold floor as your body convulses with silent sobs. the weight of what you've done crushes you into nothingness, until you're not sure you even exist anymore. the last thing you hear before darkness swallows you whole is mark's broken whisper:

"i loved him."

(≧∇≦)ﾉ☆

he doesn't turn you in.

you don't know why. maybe he pities you—sees the hollows under your eyes, the way your hands never stop shaking, and thinks you've suffered enough. maybe he's too horrified to think straight, his mind still reeling from the blood under the floorboards, the missing person posters plastered across town. or maybe, in some terrible, twisted way, he understands. because he's lost people too—nearly lost himself a dozen times over—and that kind of grief does things to a person. makes them desperate. makes them dangerous. especially if that person was the love of your life. your soulmate. your heart. your everything.

but he doesn't look at you the same.

he doesn't touch you—no more casual brushes of fingers, no more sleepy cuddles on the couch, no more pressing kisses to your scars like they're something precious. doesn't smile at your stupid jokes, doesn't light up when you walk into the room. doesn't say your name like it means something, just avoids it entirely, like the syllables burn his tongue.

you broke him.

(and you wonder, with a sick sort of clarity, if this is how your mark felt when you died in your world. if he'd screamed himself raw, if he'd begged some higher power for a second chance, if he'd have done something just as monstrous to get you back. the thought makes you nauseous. you understand now. you wish you didn't.)

you leave before he can.

you don't belong here. you never did.

the last thing you see is mark's face—angry, grieving, alive—his mouth forming words you'll never hear, his hands reaching out like some part of him still wants to catch you. then the portal swallows you whole, and there's nothing but static and the phantom feeling of his fingers slipping through yours.

(you hope, wherever you end up, that there's a version of him who still loves you. but you know, deep down, you don't deserve it.)

3.1k words and I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMOREEEE WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELFFFFFF AHHHHHHH thank you so much to the lovely anon who requested this! <33 hopefully you didn't cry as hard as i did when you read this...

#lazy-ahh #invincible #mark grayson #amab reader #male reader #invincible x reader #invincible x amab reader #mark grayson x reader #mark grayson x amab reader #like why do i even enjoy angst??#why do i keep making each sentence sadder than the last????#i literally can't anymore #watch me write another angst one-shot the next day-#NEED THAT INVINCIDIH #but i actually need to comfort and console him first #and reader too #cause i would never recover if i lost fine shyt like mark-#are you sure?

225 notes · View notes

unsuperingyournatural · 2 days ago

Text

nowhere else i'd rather be

Pedro Pascal x Actress!Reader

comfort, TLOU season 2 spoilers below

materialized after watching the SXSW interview with him and Bella where he started to get a little emotional as he talked

You missed the flight.

Not the one you booked, but the one you needed to be on—the one that would've gotten you to him in time.

Your day had unraveled like string pulled too tight. A last-minute promo shoot ran over. The car that was supposed to take you to the airport arrived half an hour late, and the traffic was a crawling mess of brake lights and frustration. By the time you got through security, the plane was already taxiing. The only thing you could do was pace at the gate and rebook.

The flight you ended up on was quiet. Too quiet. You spent most of it curled toward the window, earbuds in, the drone of the engines dull against your thoughts. You kept replaying the way Pedro looked last time you FaceTimed from set—bone-deep tired, dust in his hair, that Joel stillness he carried like armor even off-camera. You remembered the way his hands curled into fists when he didn’t think you were watching. The long silences that came after night shoots.

You knew today would be brutal. The kind of goodbye that sits behind the ribs for days.

You checked the time obsessively. Watched your texts go unanswered. Imagined him surrounded by applause, shoulders tight, eyes glassy, doing his best to laugh and deflect when someone handed him a final cup of coffee with "Joel" scrawled across the lid.

He didn’t know you were coming. That was supposed to be the one good part of the day—showing up just in time to pull him into a hug before the weight of it could settle too heavy. But now you’re stepping into a hotel elevator long past sunset, earbuds back in, bag over your shoulder, praying the moment hasn’t passed completely.

Your phone buzzes. FaceTime. Pedro.

You answer with a soft smile, masking the fatigue and the guilt pooling in your chest. “Hey, you.”

The screen lights up with his face, and the first thing you see is the wreck of him.

He’s sitting on the edge of a hotel bed, hoodie loose around his neck, hair mussed from running his hands through it one too many times. His eyes are rimmed red, lashes still damp. There’s something fragile about the way he looks at you, like he’s not quite sure he can hold it together.

“Oh, baby,” you murmur, the term soft with ache.

He tries to laugh, but it crumbles in his throat. “I didn’t want to call you like this.”

“Like what?”

He shrugs, wiping quickly under his eye with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Like a guy who cried all the way back to the hotel.”

Your heart folds in on itself.

“We wrapped.” He swallows. “That was it. Joel’s done. We all stood around clapping and hugging and pretending we weren’t crying until it was Bella's turn to say goodbye. She—” His voice cracks. He exhales sharply through his nose. “She called me her family. Said being on set wouldn't be the same. And when she hugged me, I just—”

You don’t say anything. You just listen. Let him talk.

“I didn’t think it would hit that hard,” he continues, voice quieter now, like he’s running out of steam. “But it did. All of it. The last scene. The jacket. The boots. Even the damn coffee cup they gave me with Joel’s name on it.”

You offer him a quiet smile, steadying, and step out of the elevator. Your footsteps are muffled by carpet now as you move down the hallway.

Pedro watches the screen, eyes narrowing slightly. “Wait, are you back at your hotel?”

“I’m on my way up to the room now,” you reply easily, shifting the camera just enough to keep the door numbers out of frame. You change the subject gently. “What did they give you? You said something about a gift bag?”

He talks, a little less raw now, about the crew and the last-minute gifts, about the director choking up during his speech. At one point he holds up a small wrapped box, trying to describe it while blinking rapidly. His voice keeps catching on certain memories, but you stay with him. Let him lean on you through the screen.

Then you’re standing outside his room. You knock three times, soft but sure.

He looks offscreen. Frowns. “Hang on, sorry. Someone’s at the door.”

“I’ll stay right here,” you say, tucking a smile into the corner of your mouth.

Pedro sets the phone down and moves to the door.

When he opens it, he freezes.

You’re standing there, bag at your feet, hoodie zipped up to your chin, your eyes warm with the kind of affection that comes from knowing someone so well you can see straight through them.

His mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

“Surprise,” you murmur.

He huffs out a soft, shaky laugh, the kind that caught in his throat like a breath half-held, half-sob. He steps forward immediately, arms pulling you into him with a force that says everything he can’t quite say aloud yet.

You melt into the hug, burying your face against his neck, pressing a kiss to the stubble on his cheek. “I’m here, amor.”

Another laugh escapes him, trembling and full of disbelief. You feel it in the way he holds you tighter. His hands shake just a little as they cradle your back. He doesn’t let go for a long time.

When he finally pulls back, his eyes search your face like he still doesn’t believe it. Then he kisses you.

It’s slow. Unhurried. A kiss that says thank you and I missed you and don’t go anywhere, not yet. You kiss him back with the same answer.

When he finally pulls away, he sees your bag. He reaches down, grabs the handle, then takes your hand in his and pulls you gently inside, closing the door behind you.

“Thank you for coming,” he says, voice hoarse.

“Of course I came,” you reply, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, your thumb brushing over his knuckles with quiet affection. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Later, the two of you are curled on the couch, his body wrapped around yours like he’s still afraid you might disappear if he lets go. Your fingers move gently through his hair as he talks, voice low and thoughtful.

“It was one of the best wraps I’ve ever had,” he murmurs. “But it was also the hardest. Joel was a lot. He changed me.”

Every time his voice wavers, you press a kiss to his forehead, his cheek, the corner of his mouth. Wherever you can reach.

At one point, he falls quiet. His hand slides up, resting over your heart like he’s grounding himself in the rhythm of your breath. He doesn’t speak for a while.

You hold him through it.

No camera. No crew. No need to be anything but this.

And for the first time tonight, he lets himself rest—not just beside you, but into the quiet, where nothing has to be said to be understood.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #female descriptors used #female reader #tlou spoilers

152 notes · View notes

corromon · 3 days ago

Text

Charlie, a short story.

I wanted to try something new with this. So if you could give it a read and lemme know what you think it'd be appreciated <3 text is under the read more.

It was raining again today, not that it mattered to you much.

You spent another fruitless day at your desk again. Spending 11 hours to do what you could’ve done in 2. You’ve suspected for a while that you might have something wrong with you, people don’t normally struggle this much to concentrate, normal people don’t feel that strange lump in your neck that you’ve been feeling as of late. Maybe you’ve not long for this world you begin to muse.

That’s stupid.

You’ve had thoughts like these for years now, on and off and on and off. Like the tide of a beach, it comes and goes. The only constant in your life, it seems at least at the moment. Is your living situation. You’ve had this job working from home for what feels like your whole life. It hasn’t been but you have a hard time connecting with the you that existed before this. At times it feels like those memories belong to someone else. Anyway, it’s clear you need to make some kind of change in your life because you’re not getting as much done as you used to.

This is a thought you find yourself having, a lot.

Glancing at the time you see it’s time to feed Charlie. Charlie is your pet cat. Was, your pet cat. The relationship between you two got uncomfortably nuanced when he started talking. And it got difficult to not think about when he started walking around like a person, wearing clothes and playing with your unorganised knicknacks. All things considered though you adjusted to the situation fairly quickly you muse, as you prepare dinner for the both of you.

“Dinners ready.” you call. Nothing. He’s probably distracted again.

Plating up the dinner you walk over to the living room. Through the glass door you see Charlie sitting on the sofa wearing one of your much too large hoodies. There’s a bunch of odd little crafts projects strewn about the living room. The creak of the door causes his ears to perk up “Oh! Sorry I didn’t hear you dad. Did you call?”. You told him not to call you that,whatever, don't linger on it “It’s alright, just wanted to let you know dinners are ready”. Charlie removes the earbuds he had dangling off his ears and walks over to you smirking, you think he’s smirking his face can be a hard read sometimes.

You both sit at the dinner table. Unseasoned fish n veggies. Again. You were never much of a chef. “Sooo, we gonna talk today?” he teases.

“About what?” you ask.

“Me? Like, this whole. situation” he gestures at himself.

“Oh, I mean. I could get you some proper clothes soon.” you reply between bites, you’re pretty hungry.

He sighs “You know what I mean, I feel like you’ve been ignoring me lately”. He wasn’t wrong, you had been, for a few months. “Like, do I make you uncomfortable or something?”.

You pause on that for a bit, choosing the right words not to offend him.

“No you don’t make me uncomfortable. I’ve just been busy lately. Feels like I barely have enough time even for myself” you’re half lying, it does feel like you rarely ever have enough time. But, you recognise that’s your own fault.

Charlie looks down picking at his food with his paw. He sighs.

“It’d be nice if you found some time for me too”.

That stung.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try this weekend. Ok?” it’s all you could come up with. Charlie sighs.

“Ok, you going to ‘work’ now then?” he’s not hiding his disappointment.

“Yeah, got some last minute stuff I need to finish up, sorry. You can leave your dishes, I’ll clean em later.” You get up, walking towards the door.

“Can I have a hug at least?” Charlie asks.

You turn to face him, he looks as tiny as the day you found him. You walk over and hold him in a hug. “I promise I’ll spend more time with you. Alright? We’ll talk more tomorrow morning” you reassure him. You feel him squeeze you a little and he nods.

Before you know it you’re back at your desk. You see your group chat is already full of messages…

You go to bed late, again.

Waking up your head feels hazy, you check your watch. 5 hours and 47 minutes of sleep. Should be plenty, you think. You brush your teeth, strategically avoiding eye contact with yourself in the mirror, you don’t really like what you see. After getting dressed and leaving Charlie’s food out you get straight to work.

You think you smell something for a bit before focusing on your computer again…

…Where you get little work done again, and a headache for your trouble. As you sit at your desk kneading your head you hear a knock at the door startling you.

It’s Charlie. Wearing your apron. He’s a bit of a mess.

“I made ya dinner, since it was getting late”. He gestures to the kitchen “If you’re feeling hungry”.

“Oh, thanks. I guess I forgot” you respond, you weren’t hungry. You sit down in the kitchen and start scoffing it down.

“Hey hey wait I wanna eat along with you” Charlie exclaims grabbing his plate. As he walks over, his paw snags on the apron. The plate smashes.

You just stare for a moment as you begin to get up, another problem. Charlie grabs your wrist. “I’m sorry. I-I” he stammers. You pull your hand away, you don’t want to say something you’ll regret. “I’ll clean it later” you say walking back to your room.

You begin to feel yourself getting sucked back into your work when you hear a knock at the door.

“You can come in,” you say drily.

Charlie opens the door and walks in, you hear him. “I’m sorry about earlier. And I cleaned the kitchen up so you don’t need to worry about it” there’s clear distress in his voice, you let it just roll over you. “Whatever, it's fine. I just need to work ok?” you rebuke.

There’s a silence in the air for a moment. You feel like he left the door open, he knows you don’t like him leaving the door open. You turn to look. He’s still standing there, the only sound in the room is the low hum of your computer. He breaks the silence.

“Do you, like me still?”

You sigh “What kind of question.-” before you finish your sentence, you look into his eyes, you see tears beginning to well. “-hey, hey buddy ok, ok come here” you walk over to him arms open. He tentatively comes in for a hug and you pull him in tight, petting him. His head is hot in your hand, you can tell he’s crying “I’m, sorry. I just wanted to save you time cooking. So we could talk more over dinner” his voice is strained.

“It’s, fine I appreciate it” you respond, a lump forming in your throat breaks your cool tone.

“I didnt even thank you for the dinner. I’m sorry Charlie. It was really sweet of you. Really.” you reassure him.

You hug him tighter. You hear the pings from your chat in your headphones. You turn it off. “I think we need to have a long talk, how does that sound to you?”. You offer. “That sounds great, “ he says, wiping his face.

You spend an indeterminate time in the living room talking about your predicament with him. How you felt about your pet becoming a person, how you were less than thrilled when it happened.

“It’s weird, I used to think of you more like a silent roommate before. Like out of everything in this situation, hearing you call me Dad was the hardest.” you confess.

Charlie shoots a concerned look “Oh! I mean if you prefer I can call you something else.”

“Eh, just call me by my name,” you say.

“K , I also wanted to ask something”. He continues “I know things are different now but if it’s not a lot to ask. Is it ok if I stay with you while you work again?”

You recall holding him on your lap almost constantly back when you first brought him. home. It was a rainy day you recall. He was swaddled on your lap. A palm sized little thing.

“I don’t need to sit on your lap I get it might be a bit uncomfortable now.” he starts, you cut him off

“ You don’t need to assume that you make me any less comfortable. Ok?” you reassure him “If I'm uncomfortable with anyone it’s with myself, that's my problem. Not yours.”

He gives you a warm smile and leans into you. “Alright” you both sit together a while. It’s nice.

He turns to you, giving you a boop on the nose “You should go to bed early though” he teases. “I suppose you’re right” you reply, your work isn’t going anywhere. Right?

You both go to sleep on time that night.

#art #digital art #corros art #anthro #furry #oc #charlie #car #short story

151 notes · View notes

midnightloversmusic · 1 day ago

Note

Hey baby! Can I request something where (sub) james potter and reader are best friends and one day he confesses to her that he wants to know what sex feels like (cause hes a virgin lol) and she’s like “i can… show you?” 🙏🏻🙏🏻😣😣 imagine him all subby fucked out not being able to handle how her pussy feels so much better than his hands

omg thisssssss!!!!! sub James is literally all I think about. I Hope you like ittt!

James Potter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: SMUT

1.8k words

--------

It's a typical Saturday night. James had texted you earlier asking if he could come over; apparently there was a new movie he wanted to see. Sirius had already seen it and Remus was too much of a movie critic so that left you as James' movie companion tonight.

You and James’ friendship was comfortable. You’d known him since you were kids and you both knew almost everything about each other. Almost. James was a person who thrived on physical touch, so that meant holding hands in public, spooning while taking naps together, and cuddling while watching movies. As you were right now.

The movie James had picked was action packed and not typically what you’d put on, but you weren't upset about it. You were just happy to spend time with him. He had gone to visit his parents the week prior, and although you had other friends to hang out with while he was away, nothing compared to the complete comfort and ease you felt with him. You two had a rhythm, you worked around each other seamlessly, you don’t even need to think when he's around.

As the movie progressed through fight scenes and dramatic love confessions it eventually blurred into messy kisses and a very steamy sex scene that you should probably feel awkward watching while laying on top of your best friend–but it's never awkward with James.

You are busy watching the movie, not worrying about the boy beneath you until you hear a sharp inhalation of breath.

You scrunch your eyebrows and tear your vision away from the screen where the two main characters are going at it on their kitchen counter.

“James?” you question

All you get is a strained “mhm?” in response

“... are you alright?”

You watch him take a deep breath. You even see a slight blush cover his cheeks. Strange.

“I just-” he stops himself and looks back at the TV for a moment,

“I just wish I knew what sex feels like.” he murmurs quietly

You nearly choke on your own spit. You don’t mean to laugh at him, you really really don't. The giggles escape you involuntarily.

“James, what are you talking about?”

He has to be messing with you, it's the only explanation your slightly dumbstruck mind can come up with. There is just no way your hot, muscley, kind, stunning bestfriend is a virgin. There's absolutely no way that's true.

But, you think back on all the times you have discussed sex with James. You both tell eachother everything, so why can't you come up with a single memory of him talking about his sex life? You have told him about yours plenty of times. You have told him about the guys that weren't able to make you cum, he’d made fun of them profusely. You told him about the guys that did make you cum, you told him about the hot shower sex you had, about a one night stand that submitted to you so well you swore it was the best sex of your life, you seriously didn't shut up about that lay, and yet throughout all of these stories James just nodded along. He didn’t add to your stories, he never added his own input or told a story of his own.

Your realization must show on your face because James sinks a little further into the couch and his face flushes.

“No, no, no. No. James, baby it's okay!” you nervously laugh

“God, I'm so sorry. I really didn’t mean to laugh it's just-” you stop yourself and take a deep breath,

“You're just you. You know?” “I Mean James you're hot, I mean like ridiculously hot, and jacked and I just didn't expect you to be a virgin that's all!”

After you finish your rambling James seems to lighten up a bit,

“You think I'm hot sweetheart?” he wiggles his brows at you

You roll your eyes at him and push at his chest. Even through his teasing you think back to what he said. I wish I knew what sex feels like. He sounded so vulnerable when he said it and god, you just wanted to give this man whatever he wanted.

Your friendship was so open, it wouldn’t be weird. You knew each other inside and out. He knows you’d take care of him and you know that he’d take care of you so, why not? You’d be willing if he was down.

“James” you say with a tone suddenly serious.

You shifted so that your knees were straddling either side of his waist and looked down at him. Suddenly you felt nervous. That feeling was quickly shaken from your mind as James reached out for your hand. He took it in his and laced his fingers with yours.

“I-, I can…show you?” What sex is like I mean. If you want to of course! You don't have to-”

James cuts of your rambling with a simple “Please”

When you look back down at him his eyes are glossed over. And fuck. You wanted to give him everything.

You lean down and hover your lips just above his,

“Is this okay baby?”

“More than okay, please please please pl-”

You cut off james’ begging with a kiss. It's firm, a little sloppy, but so so so good. You experiment by grinding your hips down into his and he whimpers into your mouth.

You can feel his hard cock through his trousers and it makes you go slightly feral. You pull away from the kiss, it’s filthy, and a string of spit connects both of your mouths. You're both panting, James looks undone and you just started.

“Lets go to my bed okay? You think you can do that for me?”

He lets out a grunt, but nods nonetheless. You get up off of his lap and he whines at the loss of contact. He throws his legs off the side of the couch and begins to stand as you reach for the remote to turn off the now forgotten movie.

You start moving toward the bedroom, James follows. When you arrive you pull James down by the roots of his hair and whisper into his mouth,

“Good boy, James”

James is surprised he doesn’t come on the spot, he lets out a sinful moan just as your lips reconnect.

You walk him backwards toward the bed and push him down. He scoots up closer to the headboard and your hands come to his jeans. You start to unbutton them as he pulls his shirt over his head. You ogle him with no shame. After you've pulled his jeans and boxers off of his legs you let your hand roam. They move over his chest, watching as his back arches as you brush against his sensitive nipples, you run them over the ridges of his abs and move down. You narrowly avoid his cock deciding you want to tease his thighs instead.

He whines and squirms on the bed as you run your hands over his thighs, leaning down to bite and nip at them. He begs you for more. You don't think you have ever heard a prettier sound.

Eventually you decide to have mercy. You crawl up his body to give him a kiss. You look into his watery eyes as you coo

“Aw James youre looking so fucked out and I havent even touched your pretty cock yet” You fake a pout

“Please, please y/n! I need you to touch me” he pushes his hips up, looking for friction, but you lift up before he can get any.

“Oh I know love, I've been a little mean havent I? My good boy deserves to be touched isn’t that right Jamie?”

“Yes! Yes ill be so good I promise, just touch me!”

You don’t even wait for him to finish before wrapping your hand around his cock. Hes big. Again making you question just how in the hell your sweet boy is a virgin.

“So big Jamie, so pretty” you whisper as you begin to move your hand up and down in painstakingly slow strokes

He whines in the pillow where he buries his head. His hips lift to meet your hands movement and as you move to rub your thumb over his leaking tip he shouts,

“‘M going to cum! Stop! I need to be inside you. I don't want to cum yet please!”

You lift your hand off immediately, and although he asked you to stop, he sobs into his pillow and releases a frustrated moan.

“It's okay Jamie, you're doing so well for me. You want to be inside me?”

“Yes!” he sobbed out

You strip off the remainder of your clothes and settle on top of him. He looks up at you with his teary eyes and grabs your waist. You reach behind you and pull his cock to your folds. You run his tip through your wetness, teasing him. He's already moaning and shaking from the minimal stimulation.

“Please!”

With his request you sink down on him. The sound he makes is utterly indecent. Your sounds mix together as you adjust to his length. You haven't even started to move yet but his eyes are squeezed shut and he’s chanting don’t cum dont cum dont cum to himself over and over again. You let out a slightly evil giggle as you rotate your hips and begin to move up and down on his cock.

He lets out a strangled moan and gasps.

“Shit! Fuck fuck fuck.” he lifts his head off the pillow to get a better look at where your bodies meet but had to throw it back against his pillow in a few second.

He is completely overwhelmed and filled by the sensation of your heat wrapped around him. It's better than anything he's ever felt before. His hand could never live up to this and he doesn't know how he'll ever go without this again.

He tries to last, he really really tries, but it's all too much and he barely has the mind to tell you,

“Cuming- I’m cumming fuck”

“Inside me” You pant out.

And that's all it takes. He cums with a strangled cry. You think he has never looked better. He looks completely and utterly debauched. His hair, usually unruly, is somehow even more of a mess, his face is scrunched up from pleasure, and he's covered in love bites.

You slow your hips movements and rub your hands soothingly down his sides.

“How was that baby? Did it live up to your expectations?”

He looks up at you with a look full of admiration

“Live up to my expectations? Honey, you took my expectations and knocked them out of the park. That was the best thing I've ever felt. Ever.

You let out a giggle and lean down to give him a quick kiss. When you pull away he's frowning

“Oh god, what now pretty boy?”

“You didn't get to cum.” He states,

“I need to make you cum, it's not fair-”

You stop his ramblings

“How about we save that for next time, yeah? I'm okay, I'm just happy I got to make you feel good. Lets get cleaned up, okay?

“Next time?” he questions,

“Next time.”

#marauders #the marauders #marauders x reader #james potter smut #jamespotter #James potter #james potter fanfic #james potter fic #james potter fanfiction #james potter x fem!reader #james potter x you #james fleamont potter #james potter imagine #james potter x reader #james potter x reader smut

121 notes · View notes

lexalith · 20 hours ago

Text

HIDDEN pt.2 || Choi Seung-Hyun (T.O.P)

summary: this is part 2 of my original fic HIDDEN. you should read that one first or you’re gonna be very confused!

warnings/this story contains: female reader, age gap (reader is 24 now, seunghyun’s 37) unresolved tension, mutual pining and emotional damage, reader’s life being absolute trash (?), seunghyun and the reader being very anxious people. angst (jealousy, heartbreak, guilt, shame, regret, self loathing, not being able to let go but also not being able to stay. timing never being right and love not being enough like alwayssss, i’m sorry) personal growth, forgiveness, closure, and a tiny little bitty bit of fluff if you squint your eyes very, very hard (lmao).

a/n: i never planned on writing a part two, but here we are! thank you so much for the endless support and for looking forward to this <3 as always, english isn’t my first language! seunghyun’s texts are in blue, reader’s texts are in orange. reader’s dialogue is in bold.

songs: champagne coast — blood orange (yes, again, because this is their song. i’m making it canon) ll all i wanted — paramore || lovers — anna of the north || all too well (10 minute version) — taylor swift

it’s been nine months since the breakup, and your life couldn’t be more different than it was—if someone took a polaroid of you now and held it next to the girl who packed her bags for seoul with stars in her eyes, you’re not sure you’d even recognize her. you’re back in brownsville, no longer coordinating payload systems at starbase—because, well, turns out when your year-long secret relationship becomes very suddenly not so secret, someone decided having you around was more trouble than it was worth. after they cut you off—citing professionalism and image and propriety—you didn’t really have a plan.

you spent a month unemployed, half-heartedly scrolling through job listings you didn’t want while lying facedown on the couch, alternating between waves of quiet panic and nausea that came every time you accidentally thought about seunghyun for more than five seconds. it was still raw then—the kind of heartbreak that didn’t just ache but physically made you feel sick, like your body was rejecting the entire experience. everything reminded you of him, and you hated it—how you could go from brushing your teeth to fully sobbing in the span of a minute because some memory had snuck in through the cracks, as if your own mind was determined to torture you for ever letting someone get that close.

and eventually, when your savings account started looking like a damn joke, you took the first job you could find—bartending at a small spot downtown. it’s not what you studied for. it’s not even remotely what you imagined doing when you walked across that graduation stage in your too-tight heels and got your aerospace degree handed to you… but it’s steady. you’ve memorized the orders of the regulars, learned how to hold your tongue when men call you sweetheart like it’s your god-given name or snap their fingers and whistle like you’re a fucking dog, and you’ve gotten really good at pretending you’re okay—smiling through it. your shoes are always sticky by the end of the night, your clothes reek of grease and cheap vodka no matter how many times you wash them, and there’s a tiny scar on your wrist from a shattered pint glass that slipped mid-shift during a friday rush. but hey… at least the tips are decent.

you’ve also been… seeing someone. the guy your friends had been annoyingly pushing for months (back when you were still secretly dating seunghyun and pretending to consider it just to shut them up). he’s your age, works in construction and is very nice, which sounds like a shitty compliment, but it’s not. you’ve been seeing him for about two months now—hanging out and hooking up. you like him. really, you do… a little bit. but every now and then you catch yourself comparing the way he holds your face to the way someone else used to, and you have to blink it away before it sinks too deep. he doesn’t know about seunghyun, of course. not the real version of it, anyway. just that there was someone before, someone who hurt you. and you appreciate his patience—he gives you space when you need it and doesn’t ask too many questions. and, well, he eats your pussy good, so. there’s that too. sometimes that’s enough to shut your brain up for a bit, enough to make you forget the ache that still sits in your chest like a bruise that never really healed. even though you know it’s not fair. and you wonder, sometimes, if this guy’s waiting for you to fall in love with him and has no idea that you’re still scraping someone else’s fingerprints off your skin.

but the most significant thing—the one that still sits in your stomach like a rock you can’t digest—is that you found out. you finally know. it was her. your mother. you didn’t even get it from her directly. you found it by accident—buried in an old email. you weren’t snooping—just printing a return label for something, waiting for the slow-ass printer to wake up—when your eyes caught the subject line: re: media contact – confidential inquiry. and you clicked it. you scrolled through every line with a growing sense of horror. you confronted her that same night. you didn’t plan it, didn’t rehearse what you were going to say—you just walked into the kitchen, heart pounding, and said, “how long were you planning on hiding the fact that you’re the one who leaked it?” she didn’t even deny it. just looked at you, quiet for a second, then said, “i did what i had to do.” “you had to?!” your voice broke, equal parts disbelief and fury. “you had to sabotage my entire fucking relationship?!” “he was taking advantage of you,” she said flatly. “what the fuck? what the—what the fuck is wrong with you?! you had no right to interfere like that! none!” “you think i didn’t see what he was doing? he was grooming you—” “don’t you dare use that word,” you spat, stepping forward. “don’t you fucking dare put it like that just because you needed a reason to feel better about what you did! i was twenty-two, not sixteen!” “i don’t care! he’s thirteen years older than you, and you—” “he wasn’t using me! i knew what i was doing—” “no!” she pointed at you, jabbing the air, furious and breathless, “you were just following him around like some starstruck idiot, lying to me, running away from your job, from your family—” “oh my god, shut the fuck up!” you snapped, tears hot in your eyes. “shut the fuck up! i was in love! and you fucking ruined it!”

you don’t remember much after that—just fragments. you remember your mother shouting something about protection, about how she couldn’t stand by and watch you throw your future away over a man who was never going to give you anything real. you remember knocking over a stack of books, slamming a drawer so hard it bounced back open, dragging your suitcase out of the closet with shaking hands and yanking things off hangers without looking. she cried, kept repeating that she didn’t mean to hurt you, that she was scared, that she thought she was doing what was best. but you didn’t care. you were too angry and too fucking tired of being treated like you didn’t know your own mind. you haven’t spoken to her since. you don’t know if you ever will. because it turns out there’s heartbreak that comes from losing a lover, and then there’s heartbreak that comes from realizing the person who raised you is the reason you lost them. and now it’s too late to take any of it back.

you’ve been crashing with one of your friends for the past three weeks—sleeping on a futon that creaks every time you turn over and makes your back ache by morning. you didn’t really know where else to go. your job barely covers groceries—forget rent, forget deposits, forget the fantasy of having a space that’s actually yours. so now you’re here, trying not to be a burden, trying not to cry into your friend’s couch cushions at night because she’s doing you a favor, and you already feel like a walking pity case. sometimes you lie there and think about how you used to fall asleep in a king-sized bed with high thread count sheets and a man who kissed your shoulders before falling asleep with his hand in yours, and now you’re in someone else’s place, listening to the hum of a fridge that never stops running—feeling lonelier than you ever have in your entire life.

you thought life would’ve gotten better by now, but you spend the nights crying instead—staring at the ceiling like it might offer answers. you cry because nothing feels right, because everything feels too hard, because you lost your job, your relationship, your home, your sense of direction—and even though you keep telling yourself you’re only twenty-four, that there’s time to figure it out, some nights it just feels like you’re stuck in and endless pain loop. no one warned you adulthood would feel like this.

you’re alone that night. your friend’s covering a night shift, the apartment is quiet, and your body feels like it’s made of wet tissue—fragile and bloated and cursed with every symptom imaginable, because the universe decided you needed your period on top of everything else. the cramps are brutal, your back hurts, your tits ache, and the fucking futon now has a suspicious little stain that you know you’ll have to scrub later. you’ve been crying (again!) and your throat is raw from it, your eyes puffy, your nose sore from wiping it too hard with paper towels. you feel pathetic. like genuinely, award-winning levels of pathetic. and maybe that’s what finally does it. you reach for your phone with hands that are slightly shaky, not because you’re nervous, but because you’re just so damn tired. of yourself, mostly. and maybe the universe too. your fingers open his old messages. you used to do this sometimes—type things you needed to get off your chest. but you never sent them because seeing your words in that annoying green bubble would be worse than anything else. it would remind you that yes, he blocked you. yes, he’s still gone. yes, this is over, and it’s been over. move the fuck on already, girl. so, following your little tradition, you type:

it was my fucking mom this whole time. she’s the one who leaked everything. i found out like three weeks ago, and i still haven’t processed it. i wish you knew. i wish i could make you know so you wouldn’t go on living your life thinking i betrayed you or whatever tf you decided to believe instead of trusting me. but anyway. talk about trust issues now, bc honestly, idk how i’m ever supposed to trust anyone again!🥰 love this for meeeee omg!😍😍 i shouldn’t have told her i was moving to seoul. i should’ve just disappeared from her fucking life and been happy with you and what we had. but no. because life can’t be that easy for me, right? no. life has to be a fucking bitch in every possible way. i’m so fucking tired.

your fingers hover over the delete button as you cry profusely after typing that paragraph—eyes blurry, throat tight, the screen glowing too bright in the dark room. and maybe it’s the hormones, or the sleep deprivation, but something inside you hits send. because why the fuck does it matter? he’s not gonna read it, he’s got you blocked. but the second you see the message go blue—you freeze. your stomach drops and you stare at your phone like it’s just slapped you across the face. he unblocked you. wait—what? since when? you shoot up like you’ve just been electrocuted, eyes wide as the full horror of what just happened sinks in. “what the fuck! what the fuck! shit, shit, shit—” you whisper to no one, pacing the tiny apartment. so much for crying in your period-stained pajamas—turns out all it takes to yank you out of a full-blown breakdown is the absolute fucking horror of realizing you just sent a long-ass vent session straight to the one person on this planet you were least fucking ready to talk to. congrats, girl! you keep outdoing yourself! “oh my—fuck! fuck, fuck, fuck! oh, god. oh my god,” you keep mumbling. when the fuck did he unblock you?! and why the hell didn’t you check?! your heart is in your throat, pulse hammering so fast it makes your vision blur for a second. you swipe back to the chat like maybe you hallucinated the whole thing. maybe the app glitched. but no. and before you can delete it, there it is—read. “huh?!” you stop in your tracks, frozen in the middle of the room. your mouth falls open. your lungs forget how to work. your entire body goes cold and then hot, and then cold again. “no. no no no no no no—fuck!”

you groan into your hands and sink down onto the futon. your palms are damp with sweat and your brain’s screaming. the message is sent. he’s seen it. and no matter how much you want to crawl inside your phone and delete it—there’s nothing left to do but sit in the aftermath. so you do. you sit, legs curled beneath you, staring at your phone screen. you check the time—3:41 a.m. in texas. in seoul, it’s late afternoon. you decide to leave your phone face up on the floor next to you and try to pretend you’re not watching it from the corner of your eye like it’s about to perform a fucking magic trick. every time it lights up, your heart jumps—once it’s duolingo, passive-aggressively reminding you for the hundredth time that you haven’t finished your korean lessons (well… thank you for the reminder, motherfucker!). and another time it’s your period tracker app asking if you’re feeling moody lately. no shit! you lurch forward every time, breath catching in your throat, only to get sucker-punched by disappointment again and again. and still, no reply. you try to sleep, not because you think it’ll work, but because it’s the only other option. but lying down just makes it worse—your thoughts are louder. you flip your pillow, then flip it again. the sheets are damp with sweat, your legs restless, your hands twitching toward your phone like it’s calling to you. you wait for hours… he never replies.

and by the time the sun comes up, you’ve barely slept at all. your eyes sting, your mouth is dry, and you’ve gone full zombie-mode by the time your shift rolls around. you survive your shift at the bar by sheer muscle memory, making drinks, taking orders and smiling through clenched teeth. and when it ends, your body aches like it’s been rolled through the pavement. you go home—your friend’s home—after midnight, feet aching, back sore, and stomach hollow from skipping dinner because the thought of eating made you feel sick. the place is dark when you walk in. she’s probably already asleep, and you tiptoe into the kitchen to grab a glass of water before collapsing on the futon. you check your phone—still nothing. and that’s it. that’s the end of the story. why would it end any other way? of course he’s not going to reply. you should’ve never sent that fucking text. you should’ve stuck to your sad little ritual of typing and deleting and pretending you had closure. because this? this is embarrassing.

you toss your phone onto the floor like maybe breaking it will break the shame too, and flop onto your side dramatically… and then it buzzes. you’ve never gotten up so fast—hands scrambling for the phone. you swipe, thumbs clumsy with nerves because holy shit, there’s a notification from him. but somehow you manage to open the message.

Can I call you?

you stare at the screen. your pulse is pounding loud in your ears, and for a second you’re genuinely not sure if you’re going to throw up or pass out. your entire body is shaking and your blood has drained out of your face. you can feel it. you’re cold and clammy all over, heart thudding like it’s trying to punch its way out of your chest. you try to breathe—in through your nose, out through your mouth—before typing:

yeah, okay

your phone starts ringing a second later—like he’d been waiting. and the sound of it, his name lighting up your screen again after all these months, knocks something loose in your chest. the apartment is quiet—just the creak of the floor beneath your feet as you cross over to the sliding door that leads to the balcony. you slide it open as quietly as you can, since you don’t want to wake your friend, and step outside. it’s darker than you expected, the only light coming from the streetlamps below and the faint orange glow of someone’s window across the way. the balcony chair creaks under your weight as you sink into it, the metal cold against your bare thighs. your breathing’s all uneven now—short little gasps like you just finished running, though you haven’t moved more than ten feet—and you can’t stop staring at the screen. you swipe to answer. for a few seconds, there’s nothing. only silence. then, finally, a voice. “hi.” you grip the phone tighter, trying to stop your hands from shaking. “hi,” you say back. and then silence again. you can’t tell if it’s awkward or loaded or both.

you shift in the chair, curling one leg up underneath you. “how are you?” he asks. oh lord. he was literally fucking you raw less than a year ago… and now he’s making small talk. stop this madness. “i—i’m good,” you say, lying through your teeth, obviously. you clear your throat. “you?” “fine,” he says after a beat, but he sounds anything but—tired, like something in his chest’s been weighing him down. and then another pause, before he finally says, “i read your message.” “yeah… i know. i mean—i saw.” you chew the inside of your cheek, fingers picking at the hem of your sleeve. “was it really her?” you nod before realizing he can’t see you. “yeah. it was.” he doesn’t say anything, so you keep going, just to fill the space. “i saw… an email she sent. and we—we fought. bad. i left the same day and i… i haven’t been back since.” “you—where are you staying?” he asks, and you hear something in his voice, concern. “friend’s house.” you try to make it sound casual. he goes quiet again, and for a second, all you can hear is the low static hum of the call. you bite your bottom lip before blurting, “i didn’t know you’d unblocked me.” “yeah. i did like a month ago, i think.” you hum. you want to ask why, but you don’t. because the call already feels like a glass balancing on the edge of a table, and you don’t want to make it more awkward than it already is. and besides, you know you wouldn’t get the answer you want. if he wanted to talk, he would’ve. if he missed you, if he regretted it, if any part of him wanted to reach out… he would’ve. and he didn’t. so you swallow that sharp little ache, ignore the part of you that still wants to believe in something softer, and you say, “i’m sorry for sending that, by the way. i was… i don’t know. not in a great headspace yesterday.” “don’t apologize,” he says. “i’m glad you told me.” “you deserved to know.” “mmh.” the silence stretches for another second before he says, “thank you.”

the quiet that follows is soft, almost gentle. for a second you think that’s it—you can almost feel one of you hovering over the red button, and you know you should probably let it happen, let it end on something simple and clean. but you don’t want to hang up yet. so, instead, you do what you always do when your nerves start to buzz—you talk. “i’ve typed stuff before. like—messages. to you.” oh my god… shut up! shut up! why the fuck are you saying this? you want to swallow the words back down immediately but nope—your mouth keeps going. “i never sent them but… i don’t know. i wasn’t even supposed to send you that one last night—i don’t know why i did.” you press a hand to your forehead, silently screaming. “anyway i—yeah. sorry. i should just… shut up.” there’s a pause on the other end, heavy enough to make your fingers twitch against your leg. you expect him to change the subject or maybe just hang up altogether, and for a second you even brace yourself for the sound of the line going dead. but then he says, “what kind of stuff?” you blink, eyes still fixed on the quiet street below, unsure you heard him right. “what?” “the messages,” he answers, and his voice is a little quieter now, like he’s not sure if he should be asking. “what were they about?” you��re caught so off guard that you let out this small, breathless laugh that doesn’t hold any humor at all. “seriously?” you ask, more to yourself than to him. you rub a hand over your face. “i don’t know, just… random things about my life. like my day, what i was doing… sometimes just things i wish i could say to you but knew i couldn’t. i don’t know.” you trail off, embarrassed, already regretting every word spilling out of your mouth. “you can tell me now,” he says. you blink, heart stumbling a little in your chest, because you don’t know what you were expecting him to say—but it definitely wasn’t that. your fingers tighten around the phone again. “you… want me to tell you?” “i do.” you hesitate. not because you don’t have things to say—god, you’ve got too many—but because you don’t know what version of your life he’s expecting. probably not the one you’re living. “i didn’t think you’d care,” you admit quietly. “i care—of course i care.” oh… you close your eyes, press your palm to your chest and you can feel how fast your heart is beating. you force yourself to swallow the lump in your throat before you speak. “i’m bartending now.” you immediately want to cringe, because wow, what an opener. “they fired me from starbase. so… yeah. but it’s okay, this job isn’t so bad… i mean—it’s not good either, but it pays.” he hums, a soft sound of acknowledgement, like he’s listening. “and, like i told you, i’m living with a friend. after—after everything that happened with my mom… i couldn’t stay. so, yeah.”

something about saying all of that out loud—narrating your life to someone who once knew it better than anyone else—makes your bottom lip tremble before you can stop it. this tiny traitorous movement that you feel more than see, like the last thread of control slipping quietly from your hands. you swallow hard. try to hold it together and sound normal. “but i’m, um… i’m looking for a place,” you add, voice higher now, too fast. “something small for myself.” you don’t mention that your bank account laughs at you every time you open the app, or that you fall asleep on a futon in the corner of your friend’s tiny apartment, feeling like a burden. you don’t say any of that, because it’s pathetic. but the tears come anyway, completely against your will. not just because of your mom or your job or your life crumbling in pieces so small you can’t even name them—but because you’re talking to him. and everything about this feels so impossibly far from what you used to be. the way you speak to each other now, like strangers, it’s breaking you open in places you didn’t know were still sore. you try to sniff it away, wipe your face with the sleeve of your sweatshirt, but it’s useless. “are you…” his voice cuts through the line. “are you crying?” “no.” you suck in a breath. “i mean—yes. yes, i am. it’s just—i don’t know.” the tears are falling faster now, and your throat is thick with everything you’ve been trying so hard not to feel for the last nine months. you sniff, drag the sleeve of your sweatshirt across your nose, and bite out, “why’d you even call me, seunghyun? seriously. what was the point?” “i wanted to apologize.” he pauses. “i—i’m sorry. i should’ve trusted you, i should’ve listened. i was just… angry. and scared.” you exhale through your nose, trying to steady the shaking in your chest. “it’s okay,” you say quietly, even though part of you wants to tell him it’s not.

he doesn’t reply right away, and for a second you think the call might be really ending this time—that this was all he needed to say, a final stitch to close the wound and move on. but then—“i missed your voice.” your breath catches, and you don’t know what to say to that. because it hurts. it hurts so fucking much to hear it. “you hurt me, seunghyun,” you whisper. “i know,” he says, voice breaking. “i know i did, baby—shit. sorry. fuck, i—i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to call you that.” you squeeze your eyes shut, pressing your knuckles to your lips like it’ll stop the sting. “don’t. don’t do that.” “i didn’t mean to—” “no, you don’t get to do that,” you cut in, sharper this time, words tumbling out fast. “this isn’t fair,” you say, and now your voice really starts to shake. “you’re not—you’re not being fair, seunghyun.” “listen—“ “no, i don’t wanna fucking listen!” you raise your voice, frustration spilling out faster than you can rein it in. “sorry,” you say quietly. “sorry. i—i didn’t mean to speak to you like that.” “i know,” he whispers. “but i understand. i deserve it.” “no, you—i just… it’s a lot. and hearing your voice like this again—fuck, i don’t know.” he doesn’t say anything, and you’re not even sure if that’s a good or bad thing, so you keep going before you lose your nerve. “you shouldn’t have unblocked me. you should’ve just left it the way it was,” you continue, sobbing between words. “what—” “i was doing okay,” you lie, even though you both know you weren’t. “or at least, i was trying. and then you—you do this, and now i feel like—i feel like i’m right back where i started.” he’s silent again, and it drives you fucking insane—how he always does this, lets the silence do the work for him, like it’s your job to fill in the blanks. “you can’t just show up in my life when you feel like it. that’s not how this works. you don’t get to block me, forget about me, go on with your life, and then crawl back into mine just because you’re curious or lonely or whatever the fuck this is.” your breath is shallow now, chest rising and falling fast. “i can’t do this, seunghyun. i can’t—” you cry. “so do it again. block me. because if you don’t… i will.”

you wait a second—two, maybe three—before you hang up. you stare at the screen for a beat too long after the line goes dead, your own reflection faint in the glass. your limbs feel shaky as you drag yourself up from the chair with the kind of stiffness that makes you wonder if heartbreak settles in your bones like lead. the apartment is quiet when you slip back inside. you don’t even bother changing. and when you fall onto the futon, you collapse. your chest hurts, in the literal, physical way—like there’s something pressing down on it, making it harder to breathe with every passing second. you’re still crying, face crumpling into the crook of your elbow. and even though you try to keep it quiet because your friend is asleep in the next room, your body has other plans. the sobs come in waves, ugly and loud and gasping, and there’s no one to stop them, no one to shush you or hold you or say it’s going to be okay. you press your face into the pillow and scream once, like it might help get it out, but it doesn’t. you cry until you’re too tired to cry anymore, until your body feels wrung out and empty. until your eyelids are heavy, your head pounds and the ache in your chest starts to dull—because, yes, even pain has its limits. and when sleep finally takes you, it feels like relief.

you don’t even hear her come in. it takes a few tries before your friend gets through to you, nudging your foot, then your shoulder, then finally your name, said a little too loudly for how early it is. “hey! you’ve gotta get up. don’t you have work?” you jolt upright like you’re coming up for air, groggy and disoriented, face crusted with dried tears. you mutter something like “shit, what time is it?” before fumbling for your phone. and that’s when you see it. seunghyun texted you while you were asleep.

Hi. I just booked a flight to Texas.

I’ll be in Brownsville for a few days, and I really, really want to see you.

I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me.

But if you do, I’ll be here next Sunday at 4 P.M.

he had sent a location.

We have a lot to talk about.

I didn’t want our call to end like that.

You don’t have to reply, just know I’ll be there, waiting.

And if you don’t show up, that’s okay too.

I hope you have a good day. 🫰🏼

your first thought is no. not even a soft, hesitant kind of no—just a loud, stubborn one that echoes straight through your head. NO. you don’t want to see him. you don’t want to talk. you don’t want to sit across from him pretending like the last nine months haven’t been eating you alive. you lock your phone, toss it somewhere near the futon, and move through your morning like you’re not actively dissociating—getting dressed and slapping on mascara with a shaky hand. you go to work, surprisingly making it on time. and when your shift ends, you go home. you eat leftovers straight from the container, ignore the ache behind your eyes, and tell yourself you’ve made a decision. you’re not going. simple as that.

but as the days creep forward and that sunday inches closer, your initial no—the one that came so fast and full of conviction it practically shouted over your entire body—starts to feel less like a boundary and more like a bluff you’re trying to convince yourself to believe. you find yourself rereading his texts on the bus ride home, or glancing at the clock and thinking about time zones again, something you swore you’d broken the habit of months ago. it’s not that you want to see him (girl… you do, you aren’t fooling anyone) it’s just that you’re curious. and a little bit stupid, apparently. and then, like your brain didn’t already have enough to chew on, instagram decides to kick you while you’re down. you get the notification late at night: TOP 최승현🌙 posted for the first time in a while. you stare at the alert, blinking. no way. how fucking convenient. you open the app before you can stop yourself, and there it is—proof that he unblocked you on your private insta, because you’re staring right at his profile. oh my… you’re a slut in mourning. it’s a selfie. he’s staring straight at the camera, head tilted slightly to the side to flex that stupid jawline, jesus christ... he’s wearing a black hoodie—the same one you used to borrow when you were together. more specifically, the one you were wearing the first time you let him fuck you raw. is he doing it on purpose? is this his way of getting your attention? trying to say he misses you? that he’s thinking about you too? or maybe you’re just being delusional and he’s literally just wearing his fucking hoodie like any normal person would… not everything is about you. right? you zoom in without shame, you stare, you squint and you hate yourself a little. you flip your phone face down and mutter, “fuck off,” like that’s going to do anything—like you’re not already replaying every time you tugged his hair while he was between your thighs, fucking you with his fingers while his tongue circled your clit.

sunday. 3 p.m. comes and you’re still telling yourself no, still convincing yourself with weak half-arguments and imaginary moral high ground, still walking around the room like you’re above it, like you’ve evolved past the the version of yourself who would show up for him no matter what. you’re not going. you’ve already made that decision—made it days ago. in fact, you’ve been repeating it like a fucking mantra: i’m not going, i’m not going, i’m not going. it’s the one thing you’ve been stubbornly sure of. and yet, by 3:07, you’re in front the drawer your friend let you use. you’re not sure when you stood up or how you ended up yanking it open, but suddenly you’re staring at your clothes like any of them will know what the fuck you’re doing. and you tell yourself: what harm could there be in just… seeing? just showing up, looking hot, and reminding him what he lost? right? what could go wrong? you drag yourself into the shower, rinse off the sweat and anxiety, and talk yourself out of having a panic attack while shaving your legs. you towel off, throw on something decent and slap on a bit of makeup as you wonder why the fuck are you wasting your free day on this, when you could’ve been watching reruns of some trashy dating show or doom-scrolling in peace. and before you can rethink your decision again, you’re on the bus, heart pounding harder with every stop.

you show up an hour late—closer to five-thirty than four—but you don’t feel bad about it. if anything, it makes you feel a little less like you’re crawling back and a little more like you’re arriving on your own terms. the place he chose to meet you is a rooftop wine bar in downtown brownsville with thick wooden beams stretched overhead to break the light. string lights hang loosely between them and the tables are spaced out, some close to the railing with a quiet view of the city below. he’s already there, of course, seated near the far edge of the terrace, next to the railing, with a half-finished glass of wine in front of him. you spot him instantly. he’s in a long-sleeved maroon sweater, and you don’t know why the fuck he’s wearing sleeves in this heat. his trousers are loose and slouchy, and his boots—yes, boots, in thirty-degree texas weather—are polished to hell, the soles thick and clunky. his cap sits on the table beside his wineglass, and he’s wearing his glasses—the ones that make him look so gentle. you used to love it when he wore them around you. he doesn’t see you right away—he’s looking out over the terrace, lips pursed like he’s deep in thought—but your stomach still drops like it’s the first time all over again.

you take a slow breath, then start walking. the heels of your shoes click against the tile, and the closer you get, the more surreal it feels—seeing him again. and then he looks up. you don’t know what you expected, but the way his whole face shifts when his eyes land on you catches you off guard. his brows lift just a little, like he’s not sure he’s seeing you right, and then there’s this soft pull at the corners of his mouth, the kind of expression people only ever give to people they’ve missed. he moves quickly after that, chair scraping back as he stands up too fast, brushing his palms down the sides of his pants like he’s suddenly unsure of himself. your heart thuds a little too hard as you close the last few steps between you, nerves spiking even though there’s no reason to be this tense—you’ve seen him like this before, touched him, kissed him, loved him. but now it feels like starting from scratch. “hey,” you say first, because someone has to break the tension. your voice comes out quiet, breathier than you meant. he clears his throat, shifting his weight. “hi.”

he stands there, hovering beside the table, and for a second it’s like neither of you knows how to move—do you shake hands? do you hug? his gaze flickers down to your hands, like he’s expecting you to offer one to shake, and then back up to your face. it’s clear he doesn’t know what to do, and god, neither do you. a hug feels too intimate, but standing here in this weird, polite standoff feels worse. so you do it—you step forward, close the space, and wrap your arms around him quickly, not giving yourself enough time to regret it. he’s surprised, you can tell by the way his arms come around you just a second too late. you pull away before it can get weird, and he lets you, hands immediately dropping to his sides like he’s scared to overstep. you glance at the wine glass, then back at him. “sorry i’m late.” seunghyun shakes his head, quick. “no, it’s fine. i—” he exhales. “i didn’t think you were coming.” you nod, slow and awkward, arms crossed tight over your chest for a second before you remember how that looks and force yourself to let them fall to your sides. “yeah. me neither.” he huffs a tiny laugh, almost embarrassed, and gestures toward the seat across from his. “do you wanna sit?” you nod, murmuring a soft “yeah,” as you move toward the chair. you sit, legs crossed, back too straight, and he mirrors you, settling across from you. the table feels huge between you. ridiculous, really—after everything you’ve done together, everything you’ve been to each other, now you’re playing pretend like two people on a first date who forgot how to talk.

he reaches for his wine glass, turns it slowly between his fingers without drinking. “you look good,” he says, eventually. “i mean… really good.” you meet his eyes, and then, because you can’t help it, “so do you.” he smiles at that, soft, almost sheepish, and then glances down at the wine list sitting neatly on the table between you. “you want anything?” he asks, tapping the edge of the menu lightly. “they’ve got a good selection.” you shake your head, giving a small, polite smile. “just water’s fine.” “water, then,” he says, and signals to the server passing by to order you a glass. there’s a beat of silence after the server leaves, just the soft clink of his glass when he shifts it on the table. he doesn’t look at you—just studies the red swirl of wine for a second like it’s got the right words floating in it somewhere—then finally says, “i’m glad you came.” you nod once, unsure what to say to that, fingers twitching in your lap. “and… i’m sorry,” he adds quietly. “about the phone call. the way it ended… that wasn’t how i wanted it to go.” “i know.” “i didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” he says. “or backed into a corner. i just—my head was a mess, and i handled it wrong. i’m sorry.” “it’s fine. thank you—thanks for the apology.” and you mean it. he leans back slightly in his chair, exhales through his nose. his fingers trace the rim of his wine glass like he’s trying to occupy them. “i didn’t know if you’d ever want to see me again. after everything.” “i didn’t know either. up until like… three o’clock.” his mouth twitches into something that’s almost a smile. “last-minute decision?” “very,” you say. “bad one, maybe. not sure yet.” “i get it. i wouldn’t have blamed you if you hadn’t shown up.” “i almost didn’t,” you admit. “but then i thought—i don’t know. if i didn’t come, i’d just keep wondering what you wanted to say.” he nods, finally meeting your eyes again. “i wanted to say a lot of things.” “like what?” he hesitates, jaw tightening slightly, like the words are caught somewhere behind his teeth. he exhales, slow and heavy, and leans forward, forearms resting on the edge of the table. “i wanted to apologize,” he says. “for how things ended. for—for what i said. for not listening.” “seunghyun—” you start, but he shakes his head. “i didn’t believe you,” he goes on. “and i should have. i should’ve known better—i did know better. but it was easier to be angry than to be scared, and i was so, so fucking scared. scared of being exposed again, of people dragging my name through the mud all over, of losing everything i’d tried to build back up—” “i know. i know, hyun. i understand you. it’s… it’s okay.” it isn’t, though. “and instead of trusting you,” he says, like he didn’t hear you at all, “i panicked. i pushed you away. and i hate myself for it.” you shift in your seat, hands gripping the sides of the chair, aching with the weight of all the things you wish could make this easier. “hyun,” you murmur again, softer now, like saying his name might take the edge off his pain or yours. “you don’t have to—” “i do,” he says. “i haven’t stopped thinking about it… about how fast i let it all go. how fast i let you go. and the worst part is…” he stops, biting down on the inside of his cheek. “the worst part is that i made you think you didn’t matter to me. like it was easy for me to—to cut you off. and it wasn’t. it’s never been easy. it still fucking haunts me.” he pauses. “i just needed you to know that. i needed—i needed to say it to your face.” he exhales shakily, like just getting the words out took something out of him. his eyes stay fixed somewhere past your shoulder, like he’s afraid that meeting yours will make it harder. “and i missed you,” he says quietly. “fuck, i missed you so much.”

the words land somewhere low in your gut, like they’ve been thrown instead of spoken. and for a second, it stings in a sweet way, that traitorous part of your chest aching at the sound of his voice wrapped around something soft again, something that once made you feel safe. but the sweetness evaporates almost instantly, replaced by a sharp kind of heat under your skin, the kind that flares when something touches a bruise you thought had already faded. because you don’t get to miss someone and do nothing about it. not when you’re the one who made it clear, so fucking clear, that it was over. your jaw tightens. because no. no, he doesn’t get to say that. your eyes start to sting, the burn rising fast and sudden behind your lashes. and then, without warning, a single tear slips down your cheek. you wipe it away quickly with the back of your hand. “why didn’t you reach out, then?” he blinks, startled, like he hadn’t expected the question. you sniff once, wipe at your cheek again even though the tear’s already gone. “i waited, you know. for so fucking long. every day, i thought maybe today you’d say something.” you scoff. “but you didn’t. not a word—not until i told you the one thing that finally cleared me.” his lips part like he wants to speak, but you don’t let him. “and now you’re here,” you go on, voice shaking. “saying all the things i used to fantasize about hearing. and don’t get me wrong—it’s nice. it’s—it’s really fucking nice, i needed to hear it. but if i hadn’t sent that message, if i hadn’t broken down and hit send for once instead of just typing and deleting like i always did… would we even be here right now?” you’re not sure what answer you’re hoping for. but you needed to let him know how much it sucked to feel like the only one who kept looking back.

he exhales slowly, eyes falling from yours to the table, like he can’t bear the weight of them. because what you’re saying isn’t just true, but something he’s thought about too, something he’s afraid to admit out loud. “you’re right,” he says, voice low and tight. “you’re right. but i—i wanted to. so many times. but when i thought about saying something, i’d convince myself it would only make it worse. that you didn’t want to hear from me. that you were happier without me.” you stare at him. “you thought i was happy?” “i hoped. because the alternative fucking hurt.” “but you still let me think it was my fault,” you say, voice sharp with disbelief. “you let me sit in that, seunghyun. for months. do you even understand what that did to me?” he doesn’t speak right away—just drags a hand over his mouth like he’s trying to rub the shame off his face. “i know. i know i fucked up.” “you didn’t just fuck up,” you snap. “you abandoned me. you—you went on with your life while i… i lost everything. and all because you couldn’t bring yourself to believe me.” “i wanted to believe you,” he says, a little too desperate now. “i swear to god, i did.” “then why didn’t you?” he looks at you like that question physically hurts him. “you already know. i told you—i told you about han seohee. i’ve been betrayed before, and i just—it felt safer to assume the worst than risk getting hurt again.” “yeah?” you say, and your voice comes out rough, almost trembling with the weight of everything you’ve been trying to swallow. “well guess what, seunghyun—i wasn’t han fucking seohee. i wasn’t anyone but me. your… your girlfriend. and you didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. not even for a fucking second.” his jaw tenses, lips pressing into a thin line like he wants to say something but doesn’t trust himself to speak. “i didn’t ask you to be perfect,” you continue, voice softer now. “i never did. all i wanted was for you to believe me—and you couldn’t do that.” he shakes his head, pained. “it wasn’t about you,” he mutters. “it was about me. my past. my shit. it twisted everything.” you shake your head, the frustration rising even though you don’t want it to. “yeah! and you let it win!” you lean back in your chair, exhaling slowly through your nose, trying to collect yourself.

this wasn’t what you intended when you showed up. you really don’t want to raise your voice at him—shit, you weren’t even supposed to get this upset. the last thing you want to do is hurt him. “i moved across the world for you, seunghyun,” you continue, calmer. “i put everything on the line. and the second things got hard, you chose to believe the version of me that fit your fears.” his face falls. “i know,” he whispers. “i know. i thought i was protecting myself—but i should’ve protected you too. i should’ve protected us. all i ever wanted was to keep this thing—what we had—safe.” he sighs. “i’m really, really sorry. for everything.” the interruption comes at just the right time—the server appears, setting down the glass of water with a soft clink. you thank him with a small smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes, and seunghyun gives a nod before the server leaves, the space around you settling into silence again.

you take a sip, the cold water almost jarring against the heat crawling up your throat. the moment stretches, and you know there’s more to say. the conversation isn’t finished—not even close—but your chest already feels too full. it’s too much all at once, and you feel the weight of it pressing down behind your eyes. so, you set the glass back down and glance up at him, forcing your voice to steady and offering the smallest smile you can manage. “i watched squid game,” you say. “you were amazing in it.” his face softens and he lets out a breathy laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners. “yeah?” you nod. “yeah. like… really good. i wanted to text you when it dropped but… you know.” yeah, he knows… he had you fucking blocked. seunghyun nods once. “i appreciate that,” he says, voice a little quieter now, like he’s not sure what to do with the softness in your tone. “wasn’t expecting it to do that well, to be honest.” you hum, tracing the rim of your glass with the pad of your finger. “well, people love a villain. especially when he’s funny… and hot.” that pulls a small, surprised laugh out of him, and his cheeks turn red. “well, thank you.” you smile, gaze softening. “i read the interview you made back in january too, by the way.” “oh. did you?” you nod. “yeah.” “you know, i kept wondering what you’d think if you read it. part of me hoped you wouldn’t. the other part hoped you would.” “i did. twice, actually.” you smile faintly. “once when it came out, and again when i was mad at you. to remind myself you were still in there somewhere.” that seems to knock the wind out of him a little. you continue, “i think… i didn’t expect you to be that honest.” “i wasn’t planning to do it, you know,” he says after a pause. “the interview. for years, i thought if i just stayed silent, eventually everyone would forget. but i didn’t forget. i couldn’t.” you study him. “it read like someone who’s been carrying a lot. for a long time.” and you know that better than anyone—because you were there, in the thick of it, helping him through his worst days. his mouth curves, but it isn’t a smile. “yeah.” you let the silence sit for a beat before speaking. “i thought… i thought it was brave. i actually—i felt proud,” you confess. and there it is. the thing you’ve been meaning to tell him ever since everything ended, but couldn’t bring yourself to say until now. “i’m proud of you, hyun.” he feels it—that familiar, overwhelming tightness in his throat. he swallows hard, eyes watering slightly. he nods once. then, he opens his mouth, tries to speak, to say thank you, but his lower lip trembles before the words can form… so he closes it again. and hopes the nod is enough.

his family never said that to him. at least not after his mistakes were exposed. so this—this thing you just gave him, so casually and so fucking sincerely—it hits like a punch to the ribs. and it comes from you. you, who he’d hurt more than anyone else. it comes from someone who knows. someone who was there when he was a shell of himself, someone who saw the worst parts of him and stayed, until he made it impossible for you to do so. his eyes hurt and his throat burns and there’s a tremble in his jaw he can’t quite stop, and still he says nothing, because there’s nothing that would be enough to meet the weight of what you just gave him. “that part you said about the group,” you murmur after a moment, voice a little hesitant now, “how seeing them felt like looking at a photo of a family you’d been separated from…” “that’s exactly what it feels like.” “i know,” you nod, gently. “i’m sure they miss you too. i don’t know if you’ve been in touch with them or—” “i haven’t.” he cuts in quickly, and there’s a finality to it. you don’t push, but you notice the way his shoulders stiffen, the way his jaw tenses. there’s even a bead of sweat slipping down the side of his face. “sorry. i didn’t mean to bring up something that—i mean, i wasn’t trying to pry. i just thought… maybe after everything, after all these months, it might’ve felt possible. or… i don’t know.” you trail off, suddenly unsure of what you’re even trying to say. maybe part of you just wanted to believe he wasn’t as alone as he used to be. he hums. then, after a moment: “you were the one thing that made that time bearable. everything else was a mess, but with you, it was—” he stops himself, mouth twitching, like the rest of the sentence is too fragile to say out loud. “you didn’t fix it. but you made it hurt less. and i’ve never—i’ve never thanked you for that.” “you didn’t need to. i knew you were thankful.” you pause. “and… i’m not saying the article fixed anything, but it made sense. why you pulled away. i get it more now.” “that doesn’t make it okay.” “no,” you agree, “it doesn’t. but it helps.”

after that, things start to loosen—the conversation shifts slowly, and the air between you starts to feel less dense, less charged with the tension that had been building since the moment you sat down. the heaviness doesn’t vanish, it’s still there but easier to ignore when you’re focused on something else, like the way seunghyun starts tapping his fingers against his glass, or how your knee keeps bouncing under the table because your body hasn’t quite figured out what to do with the weird, awkward comfort of being near him again. it’s not like either of you suddenly forget the months of silence, or the way things ended, or all the shit that never really got said… but eventually, the edge softens, and your mouths start moving for other reasons—comments that aren’t weighed down by anger or guilt, memories that aren’t necessarily painful, and a rhythm that, while still tentative, starts to resemble the way things used to be between you, back before everything got ruined. because at first, you’re both careful—testing the boundaries of what’s okay to say, what’s still too raw to touch—but as time passes and the conversation wanders into safer ground, you find yourself laughing. which then makes him start laughing too, and it feels bizarre and comforting all at once—like your body forgot how easy it used to be to laugh with him, how that sound had once been a constant part of your days. and when he leans back in his chair, a little more at ease, you realize it’s been a long time since you’ve seen seunghyun look like that. it’s still weird. you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t. it’s weird to be sitting across from him, in real life, hearing his voice without a screen in between, seeing the way he moves and talks and exists like a real fucking person again. there are still moments where it catches you off guard—how familiar this all is, and also how far away it feels from who you were the last time you looked at him like this.

and when he asks, “do you want to go for a walk? brownsville’s botanical garden isn’t far from here. and it’s still open for another hour and a half,” you don’t even pretend to think about it. you just nod, and the look on his face, that flicker of relief, tells you he didn’t expect a yes. his driver’s already waiting outside, like always, and neither of you says much on the way. the ride is short, ten minutes, maybe fifteen. you watch the town pass through the tinted window, and beside you, he’s silent, but not in the closed-off way he used to be when things were bad. it’s a softer kind of silence now, where he’s letting himself be here, in this moment, with you. the botanical garden is smaller than you remember, and it’s mostly empty by the time you get there. as you walk, side by side but not too close—under a pink sky that’s starting to fade into something darker—there’s still a nervous flutter in your stomach, still that ridiculous awareness of where his hand is, of how close it would be if you reached out, but you don’t. because you remember—you remember how fucking much it hurt to lose him, how badly it ended and how long you waited for an apology that never came, until today. and as you both slow near a bench surrounded by wildflowers and a few trees that creak lazily in the warm breeze, he gestures toward it with a quiet nod, and you both sink down into the wooden slats. there’s a few inches between you, enough space to feel the gap and remind you both that no matter how easy the conversation’s been, there’s still a line neither of you has crossed yet. for a moment, you both just sit there, watching the wind tug lazily at the branches, listening to the low hum of cicadas starting up somewhere in the distance. and then, very casually, he asks, “so… is there someone in your life these days?” god—he hates how obvious it probably sounded the second it left his mouth. he doesn’t look at you when he asks, just keeps his gaze forward, like he’s talking to the horizon instead of you, like the question is just curiosity and not the thing he’s been thinking about since the second he saw you again. you glance at him. “yeah,” you say softly, honest because there’s no point in pretending. “i’ve been seeing someone.” oh… it hits him harder than he wants it to. not because he thought you’d been waiting around for him. of course not. he knows better than that. knows he doesn’t have that right. but something about hearing it out loud, from your mouth, in that voice he used to fall asleep to—it makes his stomach twist. you can see it in the way his jaw tightens slightly, and in the way his hands suddenly find his lap, like his body doesn’t quite believe the version of calm he’s trying to sell.

a long silence settles in, and he tells himself not to ask the next question, the one that’s pushing at his throat, but it slips out anyway, “does he know you’re here?” you shake your head. “no.” he turns slightly toward you, brows pulling in just a little. “i never told him,” you add. “about us.” and that fucking stings. “i just said there was someone once. but not who. i wanted to respect your choice, you know… you didn’t want it out there, you wanted to keep it private. and i… i guess i got used to it, too. so… i kept that, even after it ended.” he swallows hard, but doesn’t speak. because what is there to say, really? he sits there, listening to your words settle into the space between you, feeling it again—the shame. seunghyun stares out into the garden with a tight jaw, wondering when exactly he stopped deserving that kind of grace from you—and why you’re still giving it anyway. he stays quiet longer than he should, but he doesn’t trust his voice not to crack under the weight of everything he isn’t saying. and maybe he should let it go—but he can’t. “is he good to you?” he asks. he hates how much he wants to know. hates how pathetic it makes him feel to sit here, asking about a man who has what he used to. what he walked away from. “yeah,” you reply, and your voice is careful. “he’s… he’s kind. he works in construction with his dad—they run their own small company, mostly residential stuff. but we don’t see each other a lot… he’s the kind of guy who’s in bed by ten and up by five, and my schedule’s kind of all over the place too, so… yeah. but it works. things with him are—they’re simple… easy.” you don’t mean it as an insult, but fuck, it lands like one. “that’s good,” he says, and the words feel like gravel in his mouth. he forces them out anyway, and forces himself to nod, like that makes it more believable. “you deserve that.”

seunghyun wonders if this guy knows how you like your coffee, if he knows how you get when you’re overwhelmed—how you play with the hem of your shirt, how your voice gets sharp when you’re scared and how underneath that, you’re just trying not to break into a million pieces. he wonders if this new guy has ever seen you cry, and if he did, whether he knew what the fuck to do with it. if he sat with you in it, or tried to fix it, or made it worse by telling you everything would be okay when he didn’t know shit about what was actually going on inside your head. he wonders if this guy knows how you ramble when you’re tired. if he’s heard the stories you only tell when you’ve had one glass of wine too many, the ones that make you laugh even as you wipe your eyes. if he knows the things you’re afraid of. he wonders if this guy’s ever traced the line of your spine with his fingers just to feel you shiver under him, if he knows how your breath catches before you ever make a sound, how your thighs tense when you’re trying not to beg. does he know how to touch you the way you like? and fuck—does he get to hear you like that? whispering his name, nails in his back, legs shaking, voice breaking around the kind of moan that used to make seunghyun lose his goddamn mind? and then, in the middle of all that wondering, he hates himself a little—for being so fucking jealous.

you must feel the shift in the air too, the way his silence has gone from thoughtful to tense, like he’s holding something back. so you add, “we’re not… dating.” his head turns a little at that, eyes flicking over to you for the first time in minutes. “no?” you shake your head. “i’m not ready for that. not again. it’s been—i’ve been figuring shit out. still am.” he nods slowly. you glance at him, like maybe you’re trying to gauge his reaction, but he gives you nothing. “what about you?” you ask after a moment. “you seeing anyone?” “no.” it comes out fast and flat, like the idea pisses him off. you wait, maybe expecting him to explain, but he doesn’t. so you press, “not even casually?” seunghyun lets out a short, humorless laugh. “what would be the point?” your brows pull together, but you don’t answer. “i’m not exactly great company,” he adds, almost bitter. “and i’m not trying to let anyone close just so they can realize it for themselves.” “you are great company, hyun. don’t say that.” he just scoffs under his breath and shifts on the bench like he’s trying to crawl out of his own skin. “yeah, well,” he mutters, “guess that’s not enough anymore.” you turn to look at him. “what?” “nothing.” “no—say it.” you’re watching him now, fully turned toward him, and he can feel it—the weight of your stare, the tension in your voice. he shakes his head. “you’re here, telling me you’ve got someone, and—i don’t know, it’s just… i don’t know.” “you asked, seunghyun.” “i know. i just—i wasn’t expecting that answer.” you blink at him. “so what? you ask me if i’m seeing someone, and now you’re pissed that i answered you honestly?” “i’m not pissed,” he lies, and you both know it. “don’t lie to me. i know you better than anyone—” “do you love him?” he asks, and the question comes out so suddenly, so bluntly, it knocks the air out of your lungs. “no,” you say, after a beat. “i don’t love him. if i did, i wouldn’t be here.” he nods, like that’s what he wanted to hear, but the tightness in his mouth doesn’t ease. “okay.” “what do you want me to say, seunghyun?” you ask, keeping your voice even, though it’s getting harder. “that i waited around? that i haven’t touched anyone since you left? is that what you were hoping for?” “i wasn’t hoping for anything,” he snaps. you raise an eyebrow. “sure.”

he exhales, a short, frustrated breath, and leans forward, elbows on his knees, staring down at the dirt path between his shoes. because the truth is—he was hoping for that. he was hoping you’d tell him that, even after all this time, you were still a little bit his. and hearing otherwise—he doesn’t know what to do with that. doesn’t know how to sit across from you like it doesn’t matter when it feels like it’s fucking tearing him apart—sitting here, stewing in his own mess, wanting things he let go of, wishing you’d stayed stuck when all you ever did was survive the damage he left behind. every twisted part of him that wants you to be okay, also wants you to still need him. he’s so, so fucking selfish. and you’re right, of course. every word. his hands curl into fists. his vision blurs. he doesn’t mean to start crying, but it happens anyway. fuck. he takes his glasses off and drags a hand over his face, hoping you won’t say anything, hoping maybe you’ll look away long enough for him to get it under control. but he can’t. “i’m sorry,” he chokes out. “i’m sorry i’m acting like this. i just—i didn’t think it would feel like this. seeing you. i thought i could handle it, and i can’t.” his throat aches. he wipes at his face again, furious at himself for crying, for falling apart in front of you, for being nine months too late. “seunghyun—“

his name barely leaves your mouth before he’s crumbling again, shoulders shaking. you slide across the bench, closing the space between you, and wrap your arms around him, firmly. he tenses at first, like he doesn’t know what to do with the comfort, and then he just folds into you. his face buries into the crook of your neck, warm and damp with tears, breath shuddering against your skin, and your hand comes up to cradle the back of his head instinctively. “i’m sorry,” he whispers, over and over again. “fuck, i’m so sorry. i fucked everything up.” you close your eyes, heart aching with the weight of it. “i ruined it,” he says again, voice cracking. “i ruined us.” “it’s not your fault.” “it is.” “no—you were just scared. my mom’s the one who put us in this situation. and yeah, you hurt me but i—i forgive you, hyun. you’re forgiven, okay?” you hold him tighter, your chin resting lightly on his shoulder, breathing slow and steady because maybe if you stay calm, he’ll remember how to do the same. and for a while, he just cries. you haven’t seen him like this in a long time—haven’t seen him break this hard, this openly, not since the first time he told you he didn’t know how to live with himself. or the nights he’d curl into you, silent and shaking, too proud to sob until his body gave him no other choice.

when the worst of it passes—when the sobs begin to slow and his breathing evens out—he leans back and sniffles, avoiding your eyes as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small black cloth—one of those soft ones he always carried for his glasses, or for sweat when he was anxious. he dabs at his face, wiping away the tears first, then pressing it against his temples and the back of his neck. he’s sweating like hell, his hair damp, the collar of his sweater sticking slightly to his skin. “fuck,” he mutters under his breath, voice hoarse. “i’m a mess.” you reach for the cloth gently, fingers brushing his as you take it from him, and he doesn’t resist. “let me.” you wipe the tears from under his eyes first, careful and slow, then run the cloth lightly across his forehead, down to his cheeks, around the curve of his jaw. your other hand rests on his shoulder, grounding him. “you’re okay,” you murmur. “just breathe.” he nods, throat moving as he swallows hard. and then, after a long pause, with a voice that’s barely there he says, “i… i still love you.” you freeze, the cloth limp in your hand, your breath catching mid-air. did you hear that right? and then, quieter, he adds, “i don’t think i’ve ever loved someone as much.” yeah, you heard that right. your heart stumbles in your chest and you sit there, watching him. he won’t meet your eyes now, like saying it took the last of whatever strength he had left. his shoulders are hunched, jaw tight like he’s bracing for rejection even before it comes. he looks younger like this, and older too, worn down by months of pretending he was okay, of convincing himself he didn’t still ache for you every fucking day. and you love him. oh, you love this man so fucking much… you wish you didn’t sometimes, wish it didn’t still hurt. you place the cloth down carefully in your lap and reach out without thinking, your hand brushing the side of his face, fingers sliding into his hair like muscle memory. and he leans into it. you let your hand fall to his jaw, thumb gently swiping along the damp edge of it. “i love you too, hyun,” you say. “i never stopped.”

his shoulders shake, and you can tell he’s holding back again, trying not to fall apart a second time. you take his hand in yours. “you said… you said that you missed me. earlier. and the truth is… i missed you too,” you whisper, voice low and breaking now. “i missed everything—us. i tried to forget all of it and i couldn’t. i didn’t want to.” his fingers twitch under yours and he grips your hand tighter. you can feel how warm his skin is, how clammy his palm’s gone from the crying and the heat and all the fucking emotion, but you don’t let go. you just hold on, because this is the first time in months you’ve both said the truth out loud, and if it’s going to hurt, you’d rather it hurt with him right there beside you. his eyes are glassy, and you can tell he’s struggling to find the words. “i used to wake up in the middle of the night thinking you were still next to me,” he says. “and every single time it hit me that you weren’t, it felt—” he stops himself, rubbing a hand over his chest to stop it from aching. “i missed you so much it made me sick sometimes.” and you believe him. because you know that feeling. you remember what it felt like to lie awake with your back to the wall, trying to sleep in a bed that felt too big and too cold, your hand unconsciously reaching for a body that wasn’t there anymore. you remember the mornings you’d open your eyes and forget, just for a second, that he was gone—and how that second was always worse than the rest of the day combined. but sitting here now, his hand still trembling slightly in yours, all you can think is: we can’t go back. “i love you,” you say. “and i want to be with you, seunghyun. i want—hell, i’d spend the rest of my life with you.” your voice cracks on the last word, and your chest pulls tight as the tears finally spill over. “and i mean it. but… what would change?”

he’s silent. not because he doesn’t know what to say—but because he knows exactly what he’d like to say, and none of it would be true. “i can’t go back to hiding,” you continue before he can speak. “i can’t—i don’t want to be that girl again.” he closes his eyes for a second, then nods. “i know.” “but i also know…” you exhale, voice shaking, “i know that’s all you can offer me right now.” he shifts slightly, like he wants to argue. “that’s not—” “there’s no point in lying, seunghyun.” he runs a hand over his mouth, pained. “i could—maybe, in a few months, if things calm down—” “you and i both know that’s not how it works,” you say, cutting him off gently. “a few months won’t change the industry. or the people watching you. it won’t suddenly make us easy. and you know, seunghyun… you know a few months is unrealistic. and i don’t wanna—i don’t wanna wait in the shadows anymore. i won’t do it. i promised that to myself.” he sighs, long and defeated. “yeah. i know—i’m sorry. i just… i didn’t think i’d be getting this much attention again. after everything. the interviews, the show… it’s all been more than i expected. and it could get to you too, for the wrong reasons—” “i know,” you nod. “i know. and i get it, i really do. i’ve already deleted half my socials because of the harassment i got when it was just a rumor, and that wasn’t even real to them.” his face falls, shame coloring every line of it. “i’m sorry about that, too.” “yeah,” you murmur. “it’s fine. or—it’s not, but… it happened. those months were awful. but they’re behind me now.” he watches you for a long second, then says, “if we’d been closer in age, maybe it wouldn’t have been so complicated.” you smile, even though your lower lip is trembling slightly. “yeah. maybe it would’ve been easier.” the world outside won’t stop pressing in, and the timing keeps pulling you apart before you even get the chance to hold each other properly. “i hate this,” he whispers. “i hate that we finally said everything and it still isn’t enough.” “me too,” you say, sniffing. “but love isn’t the problem. it never was.” he nods slowly, and you know he’s holding back more tears.

you look at him—his swollen eyes, the slight tremble in his mouth that mirrors your own—and for a moment, you wish you could be selfish. you wish you could say fuck it, go back with him, crawl into the warmth of what could’ve been, and pretend that love alone is enough. but you can’t. “maybe you were right,” you say, trying to laugh through the tears, your voice catching halfway through. “maybe breaking up was the right thing to do. for both of us.” oh… the way his heart drops when he hears that—how much he wishes he could take those words back. how much he regrets ever saying them in the first place. how much he’s begged time, in every quiet moment since, to let him go back and rewrite your story. but it’s useless. it didn’t feel right then, and it sure as hell doesn’t now. you’re all he ever wanted. you’re all he wants. and deep down, he knows—you always will be. and it fucking kills him. it kills him to know that loving you isn’t the question—he does. with everything. the question is what to do with that love, now that it can’t go anywhere. because if you tried again… if you gave in to the ache and the want and the desperation—nothing would really change. you’d end up right back here. except next time, you’d be even more broken. “if i were braver,” he starts, “if i was different—” “don’t,” you cut in. “don’t do that. you don’t need to be a different person, hyun,” you say softly. “you just need a different life. and you don’t have that right now—and maybe you never will. but it’s okay.” “how can it be?” he says, and there’s a crack in his voice that makes your chest tighten. “how the fuck is it okay to want something this badly and still have to let it go?” you let out a shaky breath and look down at your lap. “we can’t change it. this. it’s… it’s not okay—fuck, i know it’s not. but it’s what we have.”

he goes quiet again, wiping under his nose with the back of his hand, tears still hanging in his lashes. you both sit in it. the sadness. the weight of every missed chance, every wrong timing, every choice that brought you to this bench. “if there’s another life,” you murmur, “maybe we find our way back to each other there.” he nods. “maybe,” he says, and you know he’s picturing it too. the could-have-beens. the should-haves. the soft life you never got to live. but not this one. he’s quiet for a while after that, like he’s still standing in that other life you just painted with your words—still walking through it in his mind, holding your hand in a version of the world where things were easier. and then his voice cuts through the silence, “but i don’t want to lose you in this life, either.” and before you can say anything, he adds, “do you think we could… i don’t know—be friends?” you turn to look at him, and he’s watching you carefully, not with expectation but with something closer to fear. he’s afraid you’ll say no, afraid you’ll cut the thread that still tethers you to him, even if it’s frayed and worn and barely holding. but you smile a little. it’s small and sad, but a smile after all. “yeah. i think we could.” he exhales like he’s been holding his breath. “maybe not right now,” you add gently. “maybe we give it some time. let it stop hurting so much. but yeah… eventually, i’d like that.” he nods again, eyes flicking toward you like he’s trying to memorize your face in this exact light, with this exact expression—still full of love. “i just don’t want to lose you completely.” “you won’t,” you say. and it’s the one thing you can promise. “you’re too much a part of me now, hyun, you always will be. we’ll figure it out.”

the gravel crunches quietly under your shoes. the path back through the garden is dim now, the sun completely dipped behind the horizon, leaving the sky painted in that deep, rich blue, settling into dusk. every now and then, you glance at seunghyun in your periphery—his hands in his pockets, head slightly bowed, like he’s trying to hold on to every last moment of this without showing it. you walk without touching, without speaking, but everything between you is loud. and then, just before the path curves toward the iron gate that separates the quiet of this place from the rest of the world, you stop. “seunghyun,” you say, his name barely above a whisper. he turns to you slowly, like he already knows what’s coming, like he’s been waiting for it without letting himself hope. you reach up with both hands and cradle his face—thumbs brushing over the curve of his cheekbones, your fingers slipping into the soft, familiar edges of his hair. his breath catches, his eyes flicker, and then they fall shut just as your mouth finds his. his hands are on you within seconds—your waist, your back, the side of your neck, fucking everywhere. he kisses you back hard, full of need and every word he didn’t know how to say earlier. you make a soft sound against his mouth, one he swallows greedily, pulling you closer, gripping the fabric at your back like he doesn’t trust the world not to rip you away. your fingers slide into his hair, tugging just enough to make him moan, and when he groans against your mouth, his tongue slips past your lips, deepening the kiss. he kisses you hungrily. because he knows this is the last moment he’ll get to remember what it feels like to be wanted by you. his hands slide up your sides, and then one of them cups your face, the pad of his thumb brushing just beneath your eye, catching a tear you didn’t even realize had fallen. your heart stutters in your chest at how tender it is—how fucking unfair it is that someone can love you this gently and still not be yours. you kiss him deeper, your tongue meeting his, your mouth opening wider like maybe if you just give enough of yourself, it’ll keep him for a little longer. but eventually, it has to stop. your hands loosen in his hair, and his grip on you falters. you pull away first, even though it feels like tearing something out of your own chest. you’re both panting, and your lips are swollen. “sorry,” you whisper. “i just… i needed to do that one last time.” you close your eyes and let your hand rest over his chest, right where his heart is pounding beneath your palm—fast and uneven, like yours. “i needed it too,” he says quietly. you both feel it settle deep in your bones—that quiet, devastating truth: the kiss was goodbye. to everything you were and everything you’ll never be again.

by the time you make it back to your friend’s apartment, the sky has already folded into itself, navy and thick. you step inside, the house dim and quiet, the hallway lit only by the warm spill of light coming from the kitchen where your friend’s probably left a candle burning. you move through the space like you’re not really there. your shoes come off, your jacket lands somewhere near a chair you don’t look at, and you’re halfway down the hall toward the living room with that hollow, buzzing emptiness ringing in your ears—when your phone vibrates once. and you think, for a stupid second, that maybe it’s him. but no. instead, it’s your banking app, and there on your screen, as casual as if someone had just venmoed you for last week’s pizza, is a deposit—an absurd amount of money, like… frankly ridiculous amount—and next to it, the name. choi seunghyun. you stare at it for a second, not really processing it, your brain taking its sweet time catching up, and when it finally does, you quickly message him.

seunghyun

WHAT THE FUCK

what

why

wtf

what the actual fuck

You told me you were staying with your friend while looking for a place.

I thought it might help.

are you crazy?

wtf

this is insane, hyun

It’s nothing🙂

it’s NOT nothing wtf

you wired me enough to pay rent for a year

maybe more

no, no, definitely more

way more

what part of that feels normal to you

this is so much money, what were you thinking

I was thinking you deserved it.

i don’t need you to take care of me like that

i’m not your responsibility

You’re not.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you however I can.

it’s too much, hyun

So is everything I feel for you.

i don’t know if i can accept it

Please do.

Friends help each other, don’t they?

i’m being so frl rn old man

Me too, princess.

are u trying to make me cry?💔 be honest

We’ve cried enough today.

I want you to be happy, so please let me do this for you.

thank you seunhyun, really

Of course🫰🏼

i love you

I love you too.

Take care❤️

you too :)

you press the phone to your chest, close your eyes, and sigh. and maybe it’s dramatic to cry over a money transfer, but here you are. not because you need the money, but because you know, this is the only way he knows how to take care of you now—by giving you something tangible and useful in his absence. and that hurts.

it’s been two years since that last conversation with seunghyun—two whole years since that kiss in the garden, since the deposit, since his last message sat in your phone. life didn’t stop after him. it moved forward the way time always does—slow. and eventually, you did too. you moved out of your friend’s place not long after meeting seunghyun—gave yourself permission to look at listings just slightly outside your price range, to stop filtering by ‘cheapest first,’ to imagine something more. and when you found it—a corner apartment on the top floor of a building, all warm wood and tall windows and soft morning light—you said yes. it’s not huge, but it’s beautiful. clean lines, a little balcony that overlooks the street, a kitchen that makes you want to cook even when all you know how to make is pasta… it’s the first place you’ve ever lived that feels like it was meant for you. and yeah, sometimes you think about seunghyun—you think about how he gave this to you. but mostly, you think about how you made it into something your own.

you also dropped the guy you’d been seeing back then and focused on yourself. let yourself learn how to be alone. you got a new job too—something better, something steadier. it pays well, and you don’t come home every night feeling like you’ve been scraped raw, which is more than you used to ask for. things with your mom are better now, or at least better than they used to be. she calls every week, asks about work (because that’s her favorite topic), sometimes even about your mood, and it’s clear she’s trying. but the thing that still sticks in your throat, the thing you can’t seem to move past, is that she’s never actually said she was sorry. she speaks like it was a necessary evil, like leaking your relationship to the press was some calculated decision made for your protection, not a betrayal that burned through your entire life. and maybe if she showed even a flicker of regret—real regret—you’d be able to meet her halfway. but without that, there’s only so far you can go.

you’re not healed. but you’re okay. you wake up most mornings without feeling like you’re drowning, you go to work, make dinner, fold laundry while music plays in the background. you laugh with friends and sleep through the night more often than not. and your screen time is down 12% this week—so, progress. that has to count for something. but some nights, when it’s quiet in your apartment and the city hums softly outside your window, you think of seunghyun. you wonder where he is, if he’s okay, if he ever sees something and thinks of you. you wonder if he’s happy, if he’s sleeping well, if his hands still tremble when he’s anxious or if someone else has learned how to hold them steady. and sometimes, you stare at the ceiling too long, or catch yourself holding your breath when a memory slips through—and it still surprises you, how much he lives in the smallest, stupidest things. because no matter how much distance time gives you, there are people who never really leave. and seunghyun, no matter how far away he is now—he’s one of them.

so when his name lights up your phone one random thursday evening two years later—you almost fall off your bed.

Hi.

Sorry if this is weird.

I was looking through my gallery and I found this.

it’s a photo taken from above—his arm stretched out enough to fit both of you into the frame, the angle slightly off-center. you’re completely out, fast asleep on top of him, arms loosely wrapped around his waist like you were trying to merge with him in your sleep. your cheek is smushed against the ridiculous pajama top—the one he bought for himself first, then ordered a second one for you when he realized how cute you’d look matching. yes, the infamous pajama set that everyone and their mother saw after your mom leaked everything. his hair is a mess, sticking up in every direction, but his face is soft—eyes shining even in the low light of the room, a sleepy grin on his face.

Turns out, the picture those fans took of us wasn’t the only one we had.

I hope life’s treating you nicely🫰🏼

and something about it—about him still having that photo, still thinking of you enough to send it—makes you smile. you write back faster than you thought you would.

omg seunhyun!!! hii!!

when did you take that photo? and why didn’t u tell me about it?😭

I took it when you came to Seoul for my birthday.

I forgot I took it.

You woke up right after hahah😴😄

it’s sooo sooo cute🥹

It is😊

How are you?

i’m good :)) but a bit tired because i’ve been helping my friend paint her house and it’s been a lot of work

my arms are so sore😭

what about you?

you doing okay?

Yes! I’m good.

I missed talking to you.

me too :)) and i’m glad to know you’re doing well!

I also wanted to know if you’d like to go for a coffee next week?

I wanted to fly to Texas to see you.

We could catch up.

If you want to, of course🙂

yesss ofc, i’d love to :)🩷

i’m really happy you reached out

been thinking about you a lot, honestly

You have?

more than i’d like to admit hahah

i was wondering how you were doing :)

I’ve thought about you too.

And I’m really looking forward to seeing you😊

me too🙂‍↕️

I’ll send you the details once everything’s booked, is that okay?

yeah, sure, that sounds perfect :)

See you soon🫰🏼

when the day finally comes, there’s a quiet nervousness in your chest—not the kind that makes your hands shake, but the kind that hums beneath your skin. you don’t know what to expect. it’s been two years. whole seasons, whole versions of yourself have passed since you last stood in front of him. you’ve changed. you’ve grown. but some things stay. he’s waiting outside the café when you arrive—hands in his coat pockets, hair a little longer. and the second your eyes meet, he smiles. and you smile back, like no time has passed at all. the conversation flows without effort. you don’t even notice your coffee going cold—you’re too busy talking and laughing like it hasn’t been two years. and you don’t try to stop the feeling that rushes in, that warm, aching knowing in your chest that says, yeah. it’s still him. even after everything. it’s still seunghyun. you don’t know what’s going to happen next, and for once, that doesn’t scare you. you just let the moment be what it is, suspended in something that feels a lot like peace. because maybe this is it. maybe you don’t need another life to find your way back to each other—you already do in this one.

i hope this lived up to your expectations for part 2 :) i genuinely did the best i could. i’ve spent so much time on this fic and gotten so attached to everything about it that it doesn’t even feel like something i made up anymore?? like someone out there is living through it and suffering bc of seunghyun fr… my brain fully believes it atp😭

thank you so much for all the support you’ve shown to this fic, and for all the kind messages i’ve been getting because of it—i seriously wasn’t expecting it at all 🥹💗

regular taglist: @breakmeoff @sherrayyyyy @infinetlyforgotten @bettelaboure @scream-queen-25 @flwerangii

hidden pt.2 taglist: @ulquiorraswife @rubyylovestoread @youlikeex @liv2cool

#choi seunghyun #t.o.p bigbang #seunghyun x reader #hidden #t.o.p fanfic #bigbang x reader #top bigbang #bigbang #big bang #top x reader #t.o.p x you #t.o.p x reader #t.o.p #squid game #part 2

138 notes · View notes

vinnyvamppp · 1 day ago

Text

Runway Walk

"Let me see your runway walk, make your heels click, make the runway talk, c'mon."

A/N: The way... I got carried away with this word count. Can ya'll tell I've been holding back when it comes to Dick Grayson? Thanks to a fellow creator here for helping my creative flow with scrumptious fan art. You know who you are.

Warnings: Door-Knocking Time Pressure Smut™, Canon Violence Mentioned, Porn WITH a Plot, Fingering, Clothing Kink (Suit & Costume Removal), Desk Sex, Switchy Energy, Slight Powerplay, Emotional Tension, Dick Grayson Being Hot, Reader Being Sarcastic, Past History, Smut, Etc.

Synopsis: With twenty minutes to curtain call, a locked dressing room door, and a desk sturdy enough to ruin, you're about to discover there's nothing more dangerous than a man in a suit… especially when you designed it to come off.

Dick Grayson x Fem!Stylist!Reader

WC: 2.7k

The auction was hidden beneath the illusion of extravagance. Above ground, it was a high-profile Gotham fashion event, glittering with elite influencers, foreign investors, and too many champagne flutes balanced on too-thin fingers.

But below the stage — behind mirrored walls and beneath silken drapes — was the truth: a rotating selection of stolen tech, rare weapons, smuggled magic, and “exclusive clientele” too powerful to touch. And right in the middle of it all?

You and Dick Grayson.

And the walk that would undo everything. The first time you saw Dick Grayson again — after months of silence — he was ten minutes late, annoyingly calm, and wearing the wrong pants.

"Let me guess," you said, not even glancing up from the rack of hand-stitched blazers. "You stopped to rescue a cat from a burning building. Or flirt with a barista. Or maybe both?"

He laughed. That low, familiar sound that used to rattle your self-control. “You forgot ‘stop a black-market weapons deal in the Diamond District,’” he said, easing into the dressing area with the kind of grace that should’ve been illegal. “But yeah, the cat was cuter.”

You finally turned to look at him. Mistake number one.

His shirt was half-unbuttoned, probably on purpose, and his smile had that particular tilt to it: a mix of charm and apology. And those eyes. Ocean-blue and too damn knowing. They flicked to your hands, your mouth, your outfit — absorbing everything like he always did.

“What?” you snapped, folding your arms. “Forget what I look like when I’m not yelling at you?”

“No,” he said, stepping closer. “That’s actually my favorite version.” You held his stare for two seconds longer than you meant to. Then you turned back to the rack. “You’re here to play runway model, not walk memory lane. Get your ass into the fitted pants before I change my mind.”

He whistled low. “Still mad I ghosted, huh?”

“I’m not mad,” you said sweetly. “I just find it fascinating how a grown man can leap across rooftops, dodge bullets, and still somehow be deathly allergic to returning a text.” He winced — slightly. Not enough to satisfy you, but enough to keep the fire burning.

"Look, I didn’t want to drag you into the mess," he said, softer now. "There were things I couldn’t explain, and I figured it was safer—" You cut him off with a wave. “Don’t care. Don’t want to hear it. You walked away, remember? Just like you always do.”

His smile faltered, then faded entirely.

“…You always watch me leave,” he said, almost under his breath.

You hated that it hit you. Right where he knew it would.

And then he smirked again — pivoting, as always, from vulnerability back to charm. “So what do you think?” he asked, striking a pose in his current pants — the wrong pants, mind you. “Do I pull these off?”

“Not even a little,” you said flatly, snatching the correct pair from the hanger. “Put these on. And try not to break Gotham’s collective brain when you hit that runway.” He took the pants, brushed your fingers on purpose, and leaned just a little closer.

“If I do,” he murmured, “you’ll take the credit, right? Since you’re the one dressing me to kill.”

You pretended not to shiver.

Twenty minutes later,

You stood at the edge of the bustling prep area, clipboard in hand, headset buzzing with last-minute changes. But none of it mattered. Because when Dick Grayson stepped onto that runway — tailored midnight-blue suit hugging every line, eyes cutting through the crowd like headlights — the world paused.

He moved like he owned the moment. Like the spotlight was just another streetlight to dance under.Nothing in your training prepared you for the sight of him. Every step, fluid and lethal and smooth as silk. He wasn’t a model. He was a weapon. And he was wearing your design.

You swallowed hard. Goddamn him..

It a slow burn of motion and magnetism, his body sculpted by shadow and spotlight. The suit — your suit — fits like sin itself. Dark navy with obsidian threading, subtle enough for the naked eye but glimmering under flash. Cut low at the chest, hugging the lines of his torso, a whisper of rebellion against traditional formality.

And he’s looking at you.

Not the crowd. Not the buyers. Not the high rollers holding hidden paddles for illegal bids.

You.

As he walks — no, prowls — down the runway, his gaze never strays. A slow, deliberate tether between you and him. Every step a conversation: Do you see me now? Did you miss this? Are you still pretending you don’t want it?

Your breath catches. Your heart races. The world blurs around the edges. And then — chaos. Just as he reaches the end of the walk, the lights flicker once. A coded signal. You know it immediately. The auction is beginning.

“You didn’t tell me they were selling an energy core designed by WayneTech,” you hiss, dragging him into a side hallway behind a curtain of velvet. His back hits the wall. You’re close — too close — but you don’t back off.

He exhales, lips twitching. “Was gonna tell you after the encore.”

“Dick.”

“Hey,” he says, voice lowering. “It’s not like I planned for them to use a fashion show as a front. But now that I’m here… we improvise.” You glare. He doesn’t flinch. His eyes flick to your lips. “I saw you watching me,” he says softly. You scoff, but your voice wavers. “You were strutting like a damn peacock.”

“And you liked it.”

“…Shut up.”

His smile turns devilish. “You always get like this when you’re turned on and mad at me.” You shove his chest, not hard, but enough to let him know you're not playing. Except your hands don’t leave his suit. And his don’t leave your waist. For a moment, everything stills. Then he leans in, mouth brushing your ear.

“I only have a few minutes before I have to intercept a buyer in the west wing,” he murmurs. “But if you don’t want to wait anymore…”

You inhale sharply. "Don't tease me," you whisper. "Not unless you mean it." His voice drops. The flirty edge disappears — and what replaces it? Longing. Raw, unfiltered heat. “I’ve always meant it,” he says. “You just never let me prove it.”

His hands slide around your waist, slow, reverent, until your back hits the wall too. There’s no air between you now. Only breath. Only heat. Only months of missed calls and words unspoken. You want to kiss him. You want to take his damn suit off piece by piece — you designed it, after all.

He leans in again, mouth brushing yours, and stops.

“Say the word,” he murmurs. “And I’ll forget the mission for one night. Just one.”

Your hands fist in his lapels. You hate him. You need him.

And then—

BZZZZZT.

His earpiece crackles. Oracle’s voice, cutting in sharp. “Nightwing, buyer’s on the move. You have sixty seconds.” His forehead drops to yours. Frustrated. Desperate. “Damn it,” he breathes.

You close your eyes. Try to calm the fire in your blood. “…Go,” you whisper. “But you better come back.” His fingers skim your cheek. “Always,” he promises. And just like always — he walks away. But this time? You follow him with your eyes. And when he turns back, just before vanishing into the dark… He’s still watching you. There are exactly twenty minutes until you're supposed to walk onstage and take your bow as the head designer. Which makes this — him — the worst idea. But when Dick Grayson slams the dressing room door behind him and shoves his earpiece deep into his jacket pocket, you know the decision's already been made.

He’s out of breath. Cheeks flushed. Hair tousled. “That’s it,” he pants. “I’m done pretending I can focus on anything else tonight.”

“You intercepted the buyer?” you ask, stepping back. Just slightly. Heart thudding.

“Yeah,” he nods. “Swapped the intel. Knocked out two guards. Didn’t get shot. High score.”

“And your reward is barging into my dressing room?”

His smirk goes crooked. “No. My reward is you looking at me like you’re two seconds from tearing this suit off with your teeth.” You blink. Then scoff. “You’re delusional.” He closes the space between you in three long strides. “Then make me hallucinate harder.”

Its fast. Hands in hair. Mouths crashing together. The heat between you like fabric and friction and fire. His suit jacket — your suit jacket — rustles under your fingers, the tailored lines warping as you grab him and pull. “You're wrinkling my masterpiece,” you mutter against his mouth. “Good,” he growls. “Maybe you'll have to make me another one.”

His hands are everywhere. Gliding under your shirt, gripping your waist, then up to your throat, not choking, just holding — possessive, reverent, lost. When he backs you into the mirror, you gasp, and he drinks in the sound like oxygen. But the moment he reaches behind his neck and tugs hard at something hidden under the collar, you pull back.

And immediately burst into laughter. Because under the elegant suit? The Nightwing suit… Still on. “Tactical layering?” you snort, breathless. “Seriously?” He groans. “I didn’t have time to take it off.”

“You never have time, Dick. Not to call, not to stay, and apparently not to remove your ridiculous birdsuit.”

“Hey,” he says, mock-offended, breath still shallow. “This is iconic.”

“It’s clingy.”

“So are you.”

“Oh shut up.”

You hook your fingers under the utility belt and drag it down, peeling the skintight suit from underneath the runway outfit — an awkward, tangled mess of kevlar, spandex, and silk lining. “God, there are too many zippers,” you mutter, shoving one sleeve down.

“Bet you say that to all the vigilantes.”

“Only the hot ones.”

He huffs a laugh and then you're both quiet, staring at each other, the tension thick with want and everything unspoken. His voice drops. “You don’t have to pretend this is just a quickie, y'know.”

“Then stop acting like it has to be.”

He kisses you again — slower, this time. Deeper. His fingers trail up your sides, under your shirt, sliding fabric away from skin. “I want all of you,” he whispers against your jaw. “Not just this. Not just tonight.”

“Then prove it,” you breathe, undoing his suit pants. “Right now. Before they call my name.” He pauses — just a flicker — and then grins. “Oh. So this is what it's like to date a designer.”

“I’m not dating you.”

“You’re definitely about to fuck me.”

“Semantics.”

The next five minutes are a blur of kisses too hot to be gentle, fingers fumbling with fabric, and you swearing every time a perfectly placed seam rips. His mouth is everywhere — throat, collarbone, behind your ear, whispering things that should not be this tender when he's pressed between your thighs like a man possessed.

You pull his shirt off — the silk one you picked — and for a second, it hits you: “I knew this suit was dangerous,” you pant, rolling your hips against him.

“You designed a weapon,” he groans, breath catching. “I’m just… following instructions.”

The desk creaks. A light flickers. Your hair is a mess. His gloves are somewhere on the floor. And through it all, the two of you move together like this has been coming for years. Because it has. This isn’t just release. It’s reclaiming. It's: You left. It's: I still waited. It's: This isn’t over when the zipper comes up. The desk beneath you is shaking.

"How fast can you come?" he mutters, breath hot against your collarbone, as he hikes your leg up onto his hip. You arch toward him. “You offering to set a record?” He grins — sharp, teasing — but there’s heat in his eyes. Real heat. Not just lust, but aching. And you realize — suddenly, startlingly — that this isn’t just about sex for him.

It’s about this.

His hands slide over your thighs, palms rough from training but gentle now. Your panties are pushed aside, and he exhales sharply as his fingers stroke over your puffy, slick folds — slow, reverent, almost shocked. “Fuck,” he mutters. “You’re soaked.”

"You're late," you hiss. He kisses you — hard. Teeth click. Tongues tangle. He slides two fingers inside you without warning, and your breath stutters against his mouth. You can feel the desperation in his touch, the urgency in his movements. His fingers slide inside you, curling to hit that spot deep within that makes you see stars. You moan, your hips bucking against his hand. His hand almost going numb as it basked in the silken warmth of your cunt. Sweet nectar dripping from your sex and drizzling into his palm.

"You gonna let me fuck you on this desk?" he says, voice thick. "Or should I put you on your knees first?" You bite his lower lip. “I’ll decide,” you whisper, pulling him in by the lapels.

He’s thick and hot in your hand when you reach for him — his cock heavy, flushed, already leaking at the tip. He groans low when you stroke him, your thumb circling his head, dragging down the length. His hips twitch against your touch.He chuckles, almost instinctively as his nerves short circuit, his eyes twitching. “Bossy,” he murmurs. “Always had a thing for your hands.”

“You're not exactly subtle yourself,” you smirk, squeezing a little harder. He sucks in a breath. His hand tightens around your thigh. His thumb circles your clit, his fingers pumping in and out of you in a rhythm that’s driving you wild. You can feel the orgasm building, the pressure coiling tight in your belly. Shivers scale your spine, head slamming back against the mirror as hushed, yet pornographic moans crawl from your lips. He’s almost infatuated, hung on every sound.

"You gonna sit up here and look pretty, then?" he rasps, stepping between your legs, lining himself up against your entrance. The head of his cock teases at your slick, not yet pushing in — just pressing, waiting. You glance at the clock. Seven minutes ‘til curtain. “Better fuck me before they call my name,” you breathe.

His eyes blaze.

“You don’t tell me twice.”

He thrusts into you with one slow, claiming push — thick and deep, stretching you full. You both groan at once. Your hands scramble for purchase — the edge of the desk, the lapels of his suit jacket — and he buries himself to the hilt. Makeup products clutter loudly to the floor, yet fall silent between the labored gasps you share. The fullness knocks the air from your lungs.

“Oh my god—” you gasp. He stills, cock pulsing inside you. “Too much?” he murmurs, voice hoarse, lips brushing your cheek. “No,” you breathe, digging your nails into his back. “Move.” He obeys. The pace starts rough — frantic, almost, the kind of thrusts born from months of unresolved tension. The desk rattles beneath you, your back arching with each push. His hands grip your hips, then your waist, then one rises to cradle the back of your head as he leans in to kiss you through it.

“You feel so fucking good,” he growls against your mouth. You moan, dragging your nails down his spine. “Bet you say that to all your stylists.”

“Only the ones who fuck me like they own me.” You clench around him — hard — and he gasps. “Shit. Don’t do that or I’ll—”

“Already close?” you tease, sweat beading at your temples. “Grayson, I expected better.”

He pulls out almost completely, then slams back in, hard enough to jolt a moan from your throat. “Keep talking,” he pants, “and I’ll bend you over the chair next.” His thrusts slow. Deepen. Suddenly, it’s not just fast and filthy. It’s hungry. His lips find your throat. Your pulse. Your chest. One hand cups your breast, mouth latching to a nipple as he rolls his hips against you, every movement precise, built to ruin. You whimper, clinging to one another. “Say it,” he whispers. “Tell me you still want me.”

“Fuck, Dick—”

“Say it.”

You kiss him instead — all teeth and tongue and breathless confession. “I wanted this every night you left.”

His forehead drops to yours. “Never again.” You’re so close. He knows it — can feel it, the way you tighten, the way your body arches into him like instinct. The way your velvety ridges contract around his cock. The way your pussy kisses every vein, caressing him like he never left. His jaw tightened, truly trying his best to remain quiet. He wanted to be vocal, to tease, to show you just how good you made him feel. His efforts were cut short, a hushed and sing-songy groan sighing from his chest.

And then, just as your orgasm builds, burns — he reaches between you, rubbing your clit in tight, expert circles. “Come for me,” he breathes. “I want to feel you lose it. Right here. Right now.” His tone almost pleading, but still commanding enough to lock your legs.

You snap. Heat floods through you, sharp and unstoppable. Your cry muffled by his shoulder as you cling to him, pulsing around his cock. He follows with a broken sound — thrusts stuttering, hips jerking as he spills into you, thick and deep. One last kiss, messy and gasping, seals it.

Now, its just silence. Just breathe. Sweat. Eyes boring deeply into one another. You slide your fingers through his hair, still trying to come down. “…You ruined my underwear,” you whisper. He smiles against your skin. “You ruined me.”

A knock. “Designer to stage in three minutes!”

You groan. He groans. Dick's head drops against your shoulder, and you bite back a laugh. “I have to go,” you whisper. He pulls back just far enough to meet your eyes. “Can I see you after?”

“Not this time.” He presses one more kiss — softer than all the rest — to the corner of your mouth. “Break a leg,” he murmurs.

You adjust your shirt. He zips up. You toss him his wrinkled suit jacket. He catches it midair, grinning. And then he helps you fix your clothes — surprisingly gentle — pressing soft kisses to your jaw as he zips you up and tucks himself back into the damn suit.

You both look wrecked. Perfect. And as he slips out the back door, one last look over his shoulder, he says: “You're still the best thing I’ve ever worn.” You smile, smitten, before calling out to him. "I know you'll be watching, and you better stay close. Because next time? I'm on top."

A/N: Feel free to leave comments and suggestions! This is my first DC related post.... woooo Dick Grayson the man you are.

MasterList ོ༘₊⁺☀︎₊⁺⋆.˚

114 notes · View notes

voitier · 21 hours ago

Text

Blame Morpheus for your sins - 04

𝒾𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽... you and jungkook had been attached by the hip since you were little toddlers learning how to live in your own bodies, which led you two to spend most (if not all) of your life together. one weird dream makes your whole view about your best friend change. how will you live with that?

𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓈... [mini-series!] friends to lovers, college au, jungkook is whipped for reader but she's oblivious to it all, descriptions of wet dreams, second-hand embarrassment, learning how to deal with new found feelings, sex and all the good stuff, HEA.

𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔... angst, mentions of sex, mentions of cheating, a whole lot of crying, JK and reader will definitely piss you off (they're both dense), Jimin is moments away to a mid-life crisis

▸ 𝓔𝓷𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓲𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓶𝔂 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓾𝓪𝓰𝓮

▸ 𝔀.𝓬. : 𝓴

< previous ● next > series masterlist

Some time ago your bad habit of doomscrolling through your social media brought to your attention a post. It was a citation of who knows who, and it stated that life is like a roller coaster: once you reach the peak you’re doomed to fall back down at full speed, but no matter what, the train will always bring you back on top, and then the cycle would repeat until the ride stops completely.

You didn’t think much of it at that time, agreeing that the author was right yet without really stopping to feel, to understand what message they were trying to convey.

But now? Oh, now life pushed you inside the train with no warnings at all, no sweet talk, no coaxing. Just deemed correct that you tasted the taste of failure. Of disappointment. Of empty nights and empty days, of a closed stomach and constricted throat. Of days slipping from your fingers with no intent of being meaningful, or sticking by your side. Each hour, minute, each second dripping like the clocks from Dalí’s Persistence of Memory and pooling at your feet, mocking you for wasting them, for letting them dissolve into thin air instead of doing something.

Doing anything, really.

But the more you tried to act, the more life pushed you down. Eventually, even getting up from your bed became an exhausting chore. If you managed to do it most morning, it’s only thanks to Jimin. The poor boy took it upon himself to throw you off your bed each morning, push you in the shower, throw you an apple then drag you to class every single time. More than a friend, he was a saviour for both your mental health and your grades.

One week.

That’s when you last spoke to Jungkook before he had hung up. One whole week ago.

And oh, it was eating you from the inside, clawing at your stomach, your throat, bruising and burning until you were left sobbing. No breakup you had gone through prior had hurt as much as Jungkook’s radio silence was hurting you now.

“I don’t get why he has gone fucking MIA. And I asked some of my friends that go to class with him, Taehyung and Yoongi. Do you remember them? Anyway, apparently he hasn’t been showing up to class either.”

You sniffed lightly, wiping the tears streaking your cheeks with your sleeve. Jimin sighed, sitting down in front of you. With gentle hands he cupped your jaw, bringing your eyes high. “Hey,” he whispered softly, carefully fixing stray wet hairs that stuck to your face. “It’s alright. Things will be fixed soon, I’m sure of it. Just hold tight a little longer, okay? You can do it, I know you do.”

A choked sob escaped your lips, a new fit of tears coming up and out of you. Jimin’s hand traveled to the back of your head, guiding you to his shoulder, holding you lovingly. You clung to his shirt, desperate to anchor yourself to something before you spiraled into complete madness, drowning in destructive thoughts that had a name and surname: Jeon Jungkook.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Jimin was right when he said that Jungkook had gone MIA.

No amount of calls, texts, emails or missed classes could bring him outside of his dorm. Heck, his neighbors weren’t even sure anymore if he was still there.

Except, he was still inside.

He stood in front of his desk, watching his phone ringing nonstop from your desperate calls, each one being sent to voicemail.

“Kook–” a broken sob echoed in the small dorm room, and the boy sat back down on his bed as the rest of the registered voicemail played. “Please pick up, I’m so– I’m sorry, please.”

His heart tugged a little in his chest at your voice break at the end of the note, yet he couldn’t bring himself to do what you were asking - no, pleading - him to do. Not because he wanted to torture you, or because he was angry. Actually, scratch that, he was still angry at you, but that wasn’t the real and complete reason for his absence.

The reason for his disappearance was a soft, elegant and reserved girl with a big love and understanding for classics and a crazy amount of hatred for the contemporaries, the type of girl that looks like she could break under the weight of life, from his Contemporary Literature class. He had noticed her the first day of class as she hurriedly ran past a group of students hogging the door, sitting down at the back with all her things. Head always low, as he would then learn that she only raised it when something really sparked her attention.

Later on, Taehyung had found out that she was half French and half Korean, born and raised in South Korea until the age of ten, then moved to France until her early adulthood. She had won a scholarship thanks to her high GPA, and that’s how she found herself at their college. Her name was Nari, but a lot of her friends, mostly international students, also called her by her French name, Amélie.

Anyways, it was soon clear that the girl had developed a certain liking towards Jungkook, never making it too obvious, yet evident enough to grasp on it quickly if you were observant. And Jungkook’s eye was built to catch every single detail, whether it was something physical or a change in demeanor.

The poor girl had no idea, obviously, she thought that no one had ever noticed her cheeks flushing pink whenever the man talked in class, or when they would accidentally make eye contact. She was quick to divert her gaze each time, almost too quickly to pass just as embarrassment.

She was so pure, so naive.

So infatuated with a man who was destined to be someone else’s entirely.

She didn’t know that, though.

So she decided to shoot her shot, after being thoroughly coaxed by her friends to act before it was too late.

The plan was simple, really. Nothing extraordinary, no face to face confrontation needed, not too intricate like kids do. She had written down on a piece of paper her number, signed with her initials, hoping that Jungkook would immediately guess who it was (he did), then slipped it inside his book when everyone left to go grab a snack before the second half of class started. When he returned he didn’t suspect a thing, and the day proceeded as usual.

This was approximately two weeks and a half ago. She hadn’t heard from him though, and even in class he didn’t act differently. She was almost on the verge of giving up truthfully.

But then, a week ago things changed.

The rain pattered heavily on the city, big drops of water splashing on the ground and wetting the hem of Amélie’s jeans. She tried to squeeze under the roof of the overpacked bus stop, brimming with college students like her trying to get home without too much damage. Rain kept falling on them, and a few drops ran down her cheek and arm as she wasn’t completely protected. She huffed annoyed, wiping away the single rain drop from her face, silently praying that the bus would arrive soon.

Somewhere, a group of students sighed in relief at the sight of a blue and white bus coming from the end of the street. And she almost joined them, if it wasn’t for her phone suddenly ringing with a new notification.

[Unknown number] (2 new messages)

⤷ hey, is this nari? from contemporary lit. class?

⤷ it’s jungkook

She gasped at the messages, clutching the phone in her hands as she read the words over and over again. She rubbed her eyes, making sure that they were not deceiving her. J-U-N-G-K-O-O-K. Yeah, no, they were definitely not deceiving her. So not only he had found the note, but he also guessed whose number it was.

Shit.

She didn’t think she would have made it until this point.

Now what?

Anyway, in the midst of her internal turmoil she hadn’t noticed that the bus stop had emptied drastically, and now the vehicle was driving away, without her.

All because of Jeon fucking Jungkook.

Great.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Generally speaking, Amélie would not describe herself as someone who takes part of hookup culture. Growing up around friends who did, she saw the aftermath: countless calls lasting hours and hours on end, friends sobbing in her shoulder cause they realised that not even sex would bring them their desired person, a dark cloud walking around with them until somehow, someway, they pulled themselves out of this depressive state.

It seemed miserable, to be honest, definitely not worth for a fuck every once in a while. That’s why she had decided to wait until she got a boyfriend, which would not save her from a heartbreak but at least it would spare her from crying about a relationship that was built on nonexistent foundations to begin with.

Which is exactly why she had no idea how she ended up in Jungkook’s bed, her naked body lying spent on top of the bedsheets, chest heaving as she recovered. Jungkook rolled off her with a groan, muttering something as he got up to throw away the used condom, then sitting back down on the bed with a huff.

This wasn’t the first time it had happened, but for some reason, something felt off this time around. She could sense that there was something up in Jungkook’s mind, yet she knew better than to force him to talk.

In a way, without knowing, she was preserving her sanity. Sometimes, being clueless is the best cure to an illness you do not know to have.

She turned to lay on her side, watching quietly as Jungkook slipped inside a clean pair of sweatpants, running his hand through his hair to revive them. His shoulders were tense, and there was an eerie silence inside the room. Amélie’s brows furrowed, a little voice at the back of her head nagging about a bad vibe it had caught on.

She let her eyes travel from the boy sat at the edge of the bed to the door, a glimpse of something pink catching her attention. Sitting by the door was a sort of open closet, with all sorts of jackets and shirts hanging on their hangers. Under them, there was a long drawer filled with god knows what, but the pink glimpse she had caught on was stored inside a basket on top of said drawer. She squinted her eyes, trying to focus on the object she was looking at.

She gasped, quick, soft, reflexes fast enough to silence herself before he noticed. Her heart jumped up in her throat, and her skin broke in goosebumps all over.

A pink hair straightener. Inside Jungkook’s basket. A quick glance at the mass of hair that was now bent forward – focused on his phone – gave her the confirmation of something she already knew: those weren’t hair that are straightened. Heck, he probably didn’t even brush them.

She swallowed hard, mouth going dry as her eyes scanned the room for more.

Why didn’t she think of it before?

Her breath picked up as more and more signs of a woman being present in Jungkook’s life were presented to her unbelieving eyes: a hair tie hanging from one of his pens, another charger discarded on the kitchen table, a black mascara and a lipgloss sitting side by side on his desk, right by the keyboard.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, fuck!

She got up abruptly as panic started to settle in, grabbing her underwear and shirt before running for the bathroom, not even acknowledging Jungkook’s confused “what’s going on?”

She let her body collapse against the door, clutching her clothes to her chest desperately like it would change anything, letting the cold feeling of both the door and the fabric cool her burning skin and bring her back to the moment. Slowly, the realization began to settle heavy on her stomach.

Was she… the other woman?

Her eyes ran frantically all over the place, noticing only now things she hadn’t paid attention to before: two toothbrushes, two different brands of toothpaste and a hairbrush that looked like a woman’s one, all close together by the sink. Bottles of perfume that read “eau de parfum – for her” at the front. Tears pricked at her eyes, her throat burning with the need to scream and cry all her frustrations, all her anger and disappointment. They weren’t together and he had made it clear from the beginning, but using her to cheat on another woman? How vile can a man be to act this way?

Quickly she slipped her clothes on, twisting the bathroom door knob open, ready to scream at the man sitting on the bed how disgusting he was, how angry she was at him, when suddenly the door to the dorm room bursted open.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Life’s a bitch and you knew it. Your parents never forgot to remind you that, and you never did. Or at least, so you thought, cause while standing frozen at Jungkook’s doorway with him in only his sweatpants and a girl dressed in a shirt and panties, one thought crossed your mind: you didn’t forget, but you took it for granted.

And now it’s time that you remember that you revise your parents’ lessons, since you clearly need them.

The human body has a weird way to react to unexpected situations: time seems to stop and dilate even though you know that it's only a weird illusion, your body freezes, standing there stone-cold, your heart rate suddenly spikes.

What you weren't ready to feel, though, was the sudden pang of... what was it? Uneasiness? Hurt? Either way, whatever it was was twisting your heart in its grasp, squeezing and pulling until you felt like it was moments away from jumping out of your ribcage.

Your eyes jumped from side to side of the room, taking in the absurdity of the scene: from Jungkook, rising from the bed still half naked, to the girl you did not know, trying her best to cover her bottom half with the hem of her shirt. You couldn't help but notice the tears streaking down her cheeks, and the way she looked at you suggested that she knew something you did not know of. Whatever it was it didn't matter, cause without speaking a word you turned on your heels and headed back outside, ignoring Jungkook's urgent tone as he called you back in.

"Wait! Y/N! It's not what it looks like!" he yelled from his doorway, cursing under his breath as he saw you get far away from him. He snatched his shirt from the ground, putting it on hurriedly before bolting out of the door.

A soft voice from inside stopped him in his tracks. "What is it, then?"

Jungkook turned around, watching with a stoic face as Amélie's eyes drowned in tears.

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend," she whispered, trying her best to appear as put together as possible.

Jungkook sighed, shaking his head side to side. He leaned against the doorframe, running a hand through his hair before admitting in an almost tired voice. "She's not my girlfriend. It's... more complicated than this."

He paused. He looked at her, and he saw that there was no trace anymore of the naive, innocent girl he had met the first day. In a way, his touch had corrupted her, stained her with an sin that she did not deserve.

"You should leave," he concluded, turning around and closing the door behind him, letting silence take over the room.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

You should have listened to Jimin. You really, really should have.

He told you it wouldn't be a good idea, told you it would probably end up in chaos right now.

He didn't tell you that there was the chance that your bestfriend had disappeared cause he was busy getting his dick wet, ignoring you for a week straight for some other girl you had never met before.

Truthfully, Jungkook having sex wasn't exactly the reason for his absence none of you expected. Mostly because... it didn't make any sense.

Who the fuck disappears cause they've got a girlfriend?

Jeon Jungkook, apparently.

You huffed, running a hand over your chest. Jeez, why did it feel like you've been stabbed over and over again?

"Y/N!" you turned around, looking around the dorm lobby until you found Jimin waving at you from the other side. Close to him were Taehyung and Yoongi, the three of them having just entered the building.

"How... oh no."

"Oh no what?"

"You look like shit."

"Thanks, Jimin."

"Hey, not my fault! I suppose you two had a fight?"

"Oh," you chuckled nervously, going around in circles like an encased tiger. "We didn't even make it to that point. Mr. no-where-to-be-found was busy getting laid. Can you believe that? I cried for days on end because he wouldn't reply and he was just... having fun. Crazy, right?"

"Y/N–"

"I'm the stupid one, though. I could have done the same, instead of bothering you and feeling like shit all this time. I could have said, oh that's how life is, and moved on. But no, I had to cry myself to sleep every night first, then fucking explode and burst his door open just to find him with someone else."

"Y/N, shut–"

"And you know what's worse? That I feel like shit, too! It's like someone's fucking squeezing my heart and torturing me to see–"

"Petal."

a.n: it's finally here! I'm sorry I have edged you all for so long, truly had a rough time lately. I've read all the messages under the last post where I've explained what's going on and I appreciate each one of them! truly cannot thank you all enough🤍

I hope this chapter was worth the wait, let me know what you think of it! love you all so so much <3

taglist: @mia7732 @tastykookoonut @koooobi @hoseokteardrop @bhonbhon @rpwprpwprpwprw @jeeykey @junecat18 @annyeongbitch7 @lilacstellar @stutixmaru @blueberriesm @134340-kr @schniti-is-in-the-house @diamondjeon

55 notes · View notes