#tell me i'm wrong and i will spray you with water

[effietrinket1619]

Effie your Lanternfam TikTok AU is driving me nuts and if I end up downloading the app it's all your fault (in a good way)

Jess posts a video of John and Guy talking to each other, but they set their rings to translate everything they say to be completely unintelligible. The linguists on TikTok are going crazy because it's very clearly a language based on how structured the gibberish sounds but it has absolutely correlation with any Earth language so they can't even begin to tell what is being said

On a related note, eagle-eyed botanists catch a glimpse of a plant in the garden that doesn't look like anything found on planet Earth. Is it an alien species? Is it even a plant? Did the Green Lanterns bring a potentially invasive species from outer space???

At some point, Jo begins showing up with a different hairstyle in every video. None of the Lanternfam acknowledge this, but the viewers are going insane because some of her hairdos seem to defy the laws of physics (they do, Jo is using her ring to make them work)

Simon has a whole miniseries of him working on the Lanternfam's car. They double as thirst traps because he's very buff and obviously knows what he's doing with those power tools. Keli's usually just off-screen handing him equipment and providing commentary

Jessica does a lot of gardening videos and mentions that she was in school for forestry before she had to drop out. Everyone assumes that she's a cutesy nature-loving vegetarian until she pulls deer meat out of the freezer and mentions that she hunted it herself

John built a bunch of hidden doors and secret rooms into the house. Some of them, like his office that's hidden behind a bookshelf, are just for fun so Jessica does show them on TikTok. But others like the armory or panic room bunker are because they're actual superheroes who need to be prepared if one of their nastier enemies like Major Force or Black Hand decides to show up. Those have some borderline lethal traps and Batman is very lucky he didn't set any of those off when he broke in

i spend like six hours on that fuckass app every day so other people don't have to. ignore the temptations, my brethren. you must.

every linguist i know and have seen are simultaneously the most passionate, clever and insane people i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. an alien language? i think that would send every linguist who watches and stitches that video into a genuine coma. or a rabid frenzy. depends. they're trying really hard to discern some of it while jess fights off collab offers valiantly. with a bat.

when people ask jess about her suspicious fucking plants, she literally films another video where all of the plants have been since removed and or spray painted/decorated to look like normal earth plants. people can very much see through it but she acts as if everything is totally fine. so does everyone else (simon does look like he's being held hostage with a rifle the entire time however which is suspicious)

oh yeah absolutely, though i'm pretty sure some hair types are just able to hold sickass shapes through the correct styling procedures and whatnot. jo will walk past the camera with her newest styling creation and a lot of them, while they look semi-plausible, are just impossible enough to plant a seed of doubt. jess, who knows exactly what jo is doing, tells her the new products are doing wonders. jo agrees and keeps walking. the viewers demand to know What Fucking Products but since jess is legally not allowed to do product placements (*cough* bruce *cough*), she says fuck all.

that miniseries with simon is great for a couple of reasons. keli almost always makes it a point to pass him the wrong tool whenever simon's wronged her in any way (sometimes she 'accidentally' drops it on his foot) and on occasion, like a wraith in the night, kyle will walk past and drench simon head to toe in water which makes viewers go feral because now they can see his abs through the shirt. simon seriously wonders how it got to this point.

i don't think enough people capitalise on the fact that jess is probably terrifying. this cements it. girlie has a fridgeful of deer meat that she hunted herself and as far as they'd known, she's a mild young woman with a mischievous streak and anxiety. i can assure you there is an immediate smear campaign against jess's name over the fact that she hunts and shoots and whatnot. it doesn't go far because jess should've died a million times by now and this cannot bother her.

i will say that bruce survived breaking in because the lanterns kinda saw this coming and accounted for that. the deadlier traps are activated mostly by actual commands, whether vocal or physical buttons/levers they need to press. there are some that are triggered automatically but john really cannot afford killing people who are (unfortunately) allies. generally the go to is get to safety rather than hope the traps work but they're definitely there. the hidden office is so john can disappear if things get too much. jess found out about it immediately because he always disappeared in one specific direction the moment hal and guy started bickering too loudly. are the others aware of this? unsure. but there are other things (which i'm too drunk to think of right now). bottom line: john is a genius and needs to be paid more.

[smuthospital]

⭐️Degrees of lewdly: Eden⭐️

Premise: You're a spooky place youtube explorer, and you get lost in a big scary forest! Eden voorhees lol. Reader is fem. Enjoy!

Art by Minagami

Re-upload because tumblr took it down last time.

Content Warning: Non-con, kidnapping, tummy bulge, blood, Eden is Jason, Voorhees

Miners DNI

You've never really gone hiking before and it's proven itself to be a lot more difficult than you originally thought it would be. You like to explore places you've never been, spooky places. more for the thrill. you started filming it and posting your videos on youtube. You usually take some friends along, but all of your friends decided to be little babies this time since the place you're exploring is extra creepy this time. It's a large forest 20 miles away from your city. You borrowed your mom's car to get here. you always tell them you're at a friend's house because they'd kill you if they ever found out you're putting yourself in possibly harmful situations. This forest is known for creepy sightings, disappearances, ghosts, and lots of other things your viewers would love to watch. You've been to abandoned hospitals, cemeteries, tunnels, all that good stuff. You don't think you'll actually see anything, but you brought a can of pepper spray just in case.

The wind howls, making the trees dance above you. The shapes that were once branches in the day have turned into long gangly fingers that desperately reach for you and the bushes now house entities with red eyes and fangs that you imagine want to tear you to pieces! "Wow, guys. This might just be the scariest one yet, haha. There's probably some sort of scp in here with me haha!" You try to keep yourself company by talking to your soon-to-be viewers when you post this, but it's really just to keep you calm.

"I'm a bit lost. The trail kinda disappeared somewhere around here, I think. there's just so much long grass and it's more of a footpath than an actual trail." you complain as you try to spot any familiar landmarks. It's almost impossible. It might be easier in the day for sure, but the night masks everything. You step over decayed logs and large roots, feeling worry set in. What if you're really lost!? Your thoughts come to an abrupt stop when you hear a strange sound not too far from where you're standing. Your blood freezes as you feel a cold sweat coming on. Maybe...maybe it's a person? And maybe they can help you?..or..a monster!? No, (Y/n), this is no time to be silly! That could be a person willing to help you before you get yourself completely lost!

Little did you know you were already a mile deep, walking in the wrong direction.

“I heard a sound. It could be someone who could help me get back on track.” You whisper. You turn off your video camera's flash light and carefully make your way to where you heard the sound, being careful not to step on anything that could alert whatever it is of your presence. You don’t want to startle it, just in case it's an animal willing to protect its territory from invaders like yourself. The sound came from below you. There's a rocky slope leading down to a river. You get down on your knees and peer between the long grass. You can't make out much in the dim moonlight... until you spot a giant of a man dragging a sack through the shallow water. His size alone sends shivers down your spine. Even from where you're crouching, you could tell he would dwarf you the way a cat would to a mouse. You examine him a bit more.The sack is stained in a dark colour that is seeping through the fabric and into the water. You don't dare move a muscle or even breathe. You can't believe your eyes. This can't be real. Are you in a horror movie?

You make sure he disappears behind the tree line with the mysterious sack before letting out a breath. You didn't want to accidentally alert him of your presence in any shape or form. He was probably just a hunter. Yeah, he could have helped you, but he also could have added you to the wet sack and you were not risking that.

You stand up and turn around, ready to get as far away from here as possible, only to bump your nose into a tree. The collision causes you to drop your camera. That's strange. You don't remember walking around a tree to look over the cliff. You rub your nose in annoyance. Wait a minute... This tree didn't have rough bark like the rest of them...Your brain blanks out. You've been in denial this entire time, your brain working extra hard to rationalize what's happening. Before you is a large torso. You can't even see their shoulders from how close you're standing, just a wide, firm chest. You crane your neck up and it takes you a good three seconds before your brain registers that you're looking at the man from before..and he's wearing a mask!

He looks down at you with a focused gaze. You let out a short scream and try to run away, but being within arm's reach of the giant makes it too easy for him to simply reach out and grab the back of your top. He lifts you off your feet with one arm and brings you to his eye level. He cocks his head to the side, observing you slowly. He looks down at the camera you dropped and places his large boot on it, pressing down and crushing it. You start to hyperventilate. He's gonna chop you up and wear your skin, he's gonna keep you in a dark hole and shout "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!" You thrash in his iron grip, pushing at his large hand and sobbing untellable pleas for mercy, but your begging falls on deaf ears. "I-I'm sorry. I-I'll leave, I promise! Please let me go! I-I didn't mean to bother you, I'm sorry!" You cry. Your little struggle seems to have made your shirt ride up a bit, showcasing your supple flesh to his thirsty eyes. His eyes laser focus on your bare skin.

To your confusion, his hand reaches to caress your skin, feeling the smooth texture before slowly moving up. You wiggle more, scared of where this is going. His hand soon finds your breast and cups it before giving it a squeeze. He shudders. His breathing becomes heavier as he continues to mess with your body, his thumb rolling over your nipple. All you can do is whimper and wiggle in his hold. his hand begins sliding down and you scream. You suddenly remember you brought a can of pepper spray, whipping it out of your back pocket and pointing it at his face. Then as you were about to press down and unleash the fire juice, it was gone. In his hand that was previously molesting you lies the remains of your poor pepper spray, crushed and bubbling pathetically. He was so fast you hadn't even realized he snatched it. You just stare at him in horror. To your surprise, he's not even mad, too preoccupied with the need to explore your privates. You hold his wrist and look into his eyes. He looks back into yours as if telling you to stop. You hesitantly let go, and he nods as if to tell you that you've made the right decision. His hand cups your pussy through your jeans, pressing in a bit at the entrance. He seems eager.

He lifts you higher and uncomfortably sets you on his shoulder, his hand on your ass to keep you in place. You don't even bother struggling. You'll wait for an opportunity. If this man wanted you dead, you'd be dead. You don't want to provoke him. From your spot on his shoulder, You notice that he's got a hunting rifle strapped to his back along with a machete. He has an assortment of things attached to his hips among them being a hunting knife and bullet pocket. You shiver. One more off-putting thing that's just about forcing bile up your throat is that he's also covered in a dark wet liquid. You haven't noticed till now, but you haven't been breathing so his smell has now come to your attention. He smells strongly of iron. To that, you're not very surprised.

He starts marching down the hill you were previously watching him from. You have no idea how you saw him disappear through the treeline and he still managed to sneak up on you. He picks up the large stained sack where he left it in favor of locating his little spying mouse. It smells awful, the meaty smell assaulting your senses every second. It's been 15 minutes and an opportunity to escape has not shown itself. This is it. This is how you die. Your body will never be found. Maybe in a few years in a shallow grave by some hiker if you're lucky. This inhuman mass of muscle is going to cut you up and eat you. Maybe even skip cutting you up. He could probably eat you whole as pre-workout. He lifts his leg to step over a large log, his grip on your ass slightly loosening just enough for you to catch him off guard and slip off his shoulder. You grunt as you fall into the dirt and leaves behind him. You scramble up before the giant can scoop you up. You run in a random direction. You just needed to get away from him, getting out of the forest was a problem for later. You didn't even think about how fast he'd be. How could someone be so big and fast!? He took off after you and suddenly, he was on your ass. You've never felt such a primal fear as he chased you like a hungry animal.

A large hand grabs your shoulder and rips you backwards. You fall on your back and stare up at the man now on his knees in front of you, his body completely casting a shadow before yours. He gets down on his hands, caging you too the ground, his body inches above yours. You stare into the holes of his mask and into his rabid eyes. He leans in by your neck. You stop breathing once again, you think your heart stopped. You feel something large and hard pressing roughly into your crotch. You hear him take a deep breath and smell you..."Smells nice." His voice is deep and rough, but it sounds like he rarely uses it. You scream and begin to cry again, not being able to take it anymore. You fight him with all your might. He grabs your wrists with one hand. You hear him chuckle a bit before his hand comes up to cup your check. He suddenly squeezes it and twists your face around to get a better look at your features. He grinds his hips against yours, teasing you of what's to come. He roughly releases your face, before standing to his full height and dragging you up with him. He tosses you back over his shoulder, this time with an almost bone-crushing grip. “Name.” His tone is commanding. When you fail to answer right away, his fingers press into the area on your crotch. Threatening to rip right through. “(Y/n)! My name is (Y/n)!” He hums in response.

Hot tears run down your cheeks as he walks back over to where he left his murder mystery sack. He navigates through the forest as he knows it like the back of his hand until he comes upon a clearing where his home stands. A lonely wooden cabin. He drops the gooey meat bag on the ground. You cringe at the wet sound it makes on impact. You peer over at the sack to see a human hand flop out. Before you could react, he slams his hand over your mouth painfully. "Shut up." He waits for you to nod before removing his hand. He opens his front door and steps inside. It smells musty, like old wood and man smell. Not bad, but not amazing either. He walks up his stairs and sets you on a very large bed. You take a deep breath in, your stomach sore from being jabbed by his shoulder for the entirety of the long walk.

He doesn't let you get comfortable though. His hands are on you in an instant, grabbing your clothes and ripping them to shreds like tissue paper, you're naked before you could even hold any of your clothes together. Hungry eyes leer over you through his mask. You feel his hot breath fan you through the bottom of his mask. "S-stop it, please! Don't hurt me!" You beg. As if to mock your plea, his rough hand grips your plush thigh a little too close to your cunt and squeezes it tightly before shoving it against your chest, making room for himself between them.

He releases you for a moment, only to unzip his uncomfortably tight pants. You shut your eyes and look away, only to feel the soul-crushing weight of his cock slam against your lower stomach. You writhe underneath him, small sobs and hiccups coming from your mouth every few seconds. He pauses for a moment but ultimately decides to continue. You peer up between your wet palms and see him rubbing the tree trunk between his thighs while looking down at your pathetic form.

"W-wait! I-I'm not rea-" He grabs your thighs and forces you closer to him and lines his cock up with your entrance, he slides it up and down your folds, causing you to shudder. He doesn't care if you're ready or not. You shut your eyes as he presses forth. You scream in pain. It won't go in. You're too tight, he's too big and you're dry. The tip can't even get through. You whimper in pain. It burns. You need moisture. He lifts his mask a bit and you get a peek of his jaw. It's noticeably sharp and covered in stubble. You feel his saliva plap against your poor dry cunt before he puts his mask back into place. He tries to enter you again. You yelp. He gets a bit through before he can't anymore. He sighs. He was trying to be gentle. He didn't want to break you so quickly...

He grips your thighs tightly. You feel his nails dig in. You barely have time to register the pain before you feel like you're being ripped in two. He's forcing his way in. You immediately let out a scream and begin spazzing. He just continues until he reaches his base, more than snug against your insides. Drool leaks past the corner of your lip as you stare off into space. He breathes heavily and stares at the bulge he created in your lower stomach. He brushes his hand over it and watches as you whimper and twitch. He pulls his hips back and watches it disappear before ramming himself in again and seeing it jab through your insides. He chuckles.

You lay there, unable to do anything but feel what he's doing to you. You lift your arm and place it on his lower stomach, hoping to stop him that way. You feel his rock-hard abs through his shirt and push. "You're...adorable...fuck.. you're tight." He groans before he slams himself deep inside and you clench around him. He hisses and struggles to pull out halfway, your insides trying to pull him back in. He slams in again and presses himself as deeply as he can, firmly hugging your cervix with his cock. Your eyes cross as he thrusts in and out, keeping a proper pace. Moans spill from your lips along with jumbled-up words he can't make out, all of which sound like music to his ears.

He leans over you, forcing himself snugly against you again, his mask right next to your cheek. He groans as he feels you twitch around him. "Feel..so good... was worried you'd rip... you're only bleeding a little." You can hear the smug grin in his tone.

It feels so good. You're so ashamed, feeling good when you're being raped by a maniac. You clench your tear-filled eyes as he pounds into your aching cunt. The knot in your lower stomach bursts as you cum. He moans as you tighten around him. He stills for a second, just enjoying how you feel before he pounds into you like a feral beast. You're surprised your pelvis is holding up. He grips your waist tight and grunts as he empties his balls deep inside you. You can almost feel yourself getting pregnant. You feel too full. Your stomach bloats with cum. You feel hot and fuzzy. Your pussy is so very sore and your legs are numb. He pants above you. "I've been thinking of getting myself a little wife like you." He says as he slowly pulls his still throbbing cock out with a wet 'pop'. "You're a pretty little thing and you take my cock well. Be grateful I'm letting you live as my cock sleeve." He stands up, towering over your crumpled body once again. "My name is Eden. Your duties from now on are cooking, cleaning, mending my clothes and taking my seed. Do not make me repeat these orders. Object and I won't hesitate to remind you of your place. I was gentle this time." His giant cock is still dripping your juices. You can't stop looking at it. Ge takes notice and climbs over you before grabbing your head and forcing you close to his groin. "I see you love cock. Lick it clean then like a good wife. go on."

You look up at him and hesitate a bit too long. You see anger flash in his eyes and you quickly envelop his tip in your mouth. He groans as you lick your mixed juices off, going as deep as you can without choking. He moans and grabs the back of your head. He stares down at you with such intensity that you can feel him burning holes into you. You suddenly feel your throat being invaded and your nose pressing into his pubic hair, nose pressing into his crotch. He moves you back and forth, face fucking you. You struggle to breathe properly through your nose. You let out muffled whimpers and cries, sending vibrations through his cock. He grunts in pleasure before you feel a load of hot thick liquid being shot into your mouth and down your throat. You're so tired. He slowly pulls his cock back and laughs at your exhausted state. Your head flops back onto the bed, your jaw and lips so incredibly sore and raw feeling. "Good girl." He says before your sight fades to black. You explored a bit too much.

[firewasabeast]

Twelve Christmases

No specific chapter tags

Read below or on ao3. You can also start from the beginning here.

Day 12: 2031

“What are you doing?”

“Shh!” Tommy waved his hand dramatically as he took a very slow, very precise step. “You're going to wake her up, Evan.”

“She's been out like a light for an hour,” Buck reminded him with a smile, “and I've got music playing in her room. So, what are you doing?”

Tommy lifted a foot, showing Buck the bottom of a black, rubber boot. “A little water and flour,” he explained. “I'm making Santa's footprints.”

Buck crossed his arms, leaning against the living room entryway. “It's sixty degrees outside. Where is this snow coming from?”

Tommy sighed. “It's magic."

“You know that's gonna be a nightmare to clean up tomorrow once it dries.”

“It'll be fine.”

“I'll remind you of that when you're scrubbing.”

“I need more,” Tommy said, ignoring Buck's comments as he stood still as a statue in the middle of the living room. “I have a spray bottle in the kitchen, and a plate with flour on it. Bring it to me, please?”

Buck shook his head, but went and got what Tommy needed. “Please tell me you're not stepping your feet into our good dishes,” he whined on his way back, setting the plate on the ground.

“They're new boots. We'll throw it in the dishwasher. Stay down there, spray my shoes.”

“Is this some new type of fetish for you? I know we're not supposed to judge, but...”

“Evan.”

“Okay, okay, I'm spraying.”

After each foot was sprayed and floured again, Tommy resumed his walk until he reached the front door.

“Seems wrong to not have Santa going up a chimney,” Buck said as Tommy carefully took off his boots.

“We don't have a chimney.”

“I could get a photo of Chimney and tape it to the door.”

“I know you're joking,” Tommy said, stepping closer to Buck, “but if you do that I might start committing violent crimes.”

Buck reached out and felt over Tommy's shirt. “You'd look hot in orange,” he decided as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Wait.” Tommy stopped him right before their lips met. He looked down between them, pointing at Buck's foot. “You're dangerously close to stepping on Santa's footprint.”

The moment ruined, Buck patted Tommy's chest. “I'm gonna bring out her presents.”

“I'm going to put these boots in three garbage bags, wash them when she goes to Maddie's on Friday, and give them to George at work on Saturday.”

“Why are you giving George your boots?”

“What do I need giant, black, rubber boots for?”

“Well, why does George need giant, black, rubber boots?”

“Are we really doing this right now, Evan?”

Buck rolled his eyes, raising his hands in surrender. “Getting the presents now.”

“Watch out for the footprints!” Tommy whisper-yelled as Buck headed down the hall.

Buck's only response was a low groan.

*****

The third time Tommy checked the time it was 4:45. He turned from one side to the other, wrapping his arm around Buck's waist.

“You're supposed to be sleeping,” Buck grumbled.

“Sorry.” Tommy pressed a kiss between Buck's shoulder blades. “I'm excited.”

“Really? Couldn't tell.”

Buck stretched out his legs, then turned over to face Tommy. “You know she's gonna be going nonstop once she wakes up. This is your last chance for rest.”

“She's been wanting that bike for months, Evan. And she already knows how to ride without training wheels. Can you believe that?”

“I can.” Buck brought a hand to Tommy's face, gently stroking his cheek. “You taught her well.”

“You ate the cookies, right?” Tommy asked, and Buck couldn't help but grin at him. He looked like such a child, wide eyed and ready to take on the day.

“I ate the cookies.”

“And the milk?”

“I drank the milk.”

“You think the note was okay?” Tommy asked. “It wasn't too wordy, was it?”

“Tommy,” Buck inched forward, pressing his lips against Tommy's. “Her Christmas will be perfect. You've made sure of that.”

“We've made sure of that,” Tommy corrected, giving him another kiss.

Buck ran his hand down Tommy's arm until he intertwined their hands, squeezing tight. “You okay?” he asked. “I know you're excited, but I- I also know Christmas has a lot of not-so-great memories for you.”

That was an understatement if there ever was one. Christmas of 2025 was one of the best for Tommy. Spent with Evan, his family, and the rest of the 118, the entire day was something out of a storybook. It was overwhelming and, once they got home, Tommy found himself sobbing in the bathroom. When Buck found him, Tommy ended up spilling his guts on every past Christmas.

By the time they were done, Buck promised that if he never wanted to celebrate the holiday again, he wouldn't have to.

But Tommy did. It's all he ever wanted, and he had it now, and it was good and terrifying and a lot to wrap his head around.

Then, they got their daughter, and Christmas had been taken up a notch every year since then. Buck always figured he'd be the one to dive head first into holidays, but Tommy quickly took the reigns, and Buck loved every second of it.

“I'm okay,” Tommy assured him.

“You'll come to me later if you get not okay?”

Tommy nodded. “Promise,” he said, wrapping his and Buck's pinkies together.

Buck scooted in as close as he could, closing his eyes as he entangled their bodies.

Just as Tommy thought he might be able to fall back to sleep, he heard the familiar patter of little feet heading toward their door.

“Get ready,” Buck mumbled against his chest.

The door flung open. “Daddy! Papa! Christmas!” She came running to the bed, jumping right on top of her dads.

“Whoa!” Tommy exclaimed, the both of them scooting back to give her space between them. “It's Christmas?!” he questioned.

“Mhm!”

“Are you sure about that?” Buck asked, cocking his eyebrow.

“I'm sure! Presents, please!” She grabbed both of their hands and began tugging. “Please, please, please!”

*****

Tommy got tears in his eyes as he watched his babygirl squeal when she saw Santa's footprints. He became even more misty when Buck helped her read the letter Santa left her. By the time she was tearing open her presents and screaming at the sight of her new bike, Buck had to put a hand on his back and gently rub up and down, soothing him so he wouldn't break down into full sobs right in front of their daughter.

He never tried to hide his emotions from her, but he also knew she wouldn't really understand her dad hyperventilating with happiness because he loved her so much.

“Can I go ride it?!” she asked, already snapping her helmet on her head.

“The sun's not even up yet,” Buck joked, but he knew he wouldn't win this fight. Tommy was already standing, quickly throwing the wrapping paper into a giant trash bag so they could go.

“Please, Daddy!” she begged, her bottom lip poking out.

He laughed. “I bet Papa is willing to take the first bike shift while I get breakfast ready, aren't you?” he asked, looking up at Tommy with a grin.

“Oh, absolutely!” he answered. “Go put on your shoes and grab a jacket, then we'll go.”

As she ran out of the room, Buck stood, wrapping his arms around Tommy. “Breakfast will take about an hour,” he said as Tommy pressed a kiss to his temple. “That enough time?”

Tommy rested his hands at Buck's lower back. “Yup. I'll take her back out after.”

Buck leaned back enough to look into Tommy's eyes. “You still good?”

Tommy nodded. “I'm great, Evan.”

*****

“Alright." Tommy clapped his hands together after making the final adjustments on her helmet. “You got this?”

“I got this!” she yelled, smiling brightly.

She got ready to take off, but stopped suddenly, leaning over and squeezing her arms around Tommy's waist the best she could.

“Oh!” he breathed out in surprise. He squatted down so he could give her a better hug. “What's this for?” he asked.

“For being the bestest papa ever and ever!”

She gave him a smack of a kiss on the cheek and let go, pushing herself forward and taking off on the bike.

Tommy wiped the tears from his face and started to jog behind her, his heart feeling more full than he ever thought possible.

One day, this would all be a distant memory to her. She may only remember bits and pieces, but she would hold in her heart the way her parents made Christmas as perfect as possible.

And whether she chooses to have a family of her own, or spend the holiday with friends that become family, she will pass the traditions on and Christmas will continue to hold a special place in her heart. Filled with good memories of endless laughter and unconditional love.

Juniper Buckley-Kinard was five years old when her Papa unwittingly taught her that sometimes good things last forever.

[cara-mel5]

i loved the brazilian grand prix. that max win was easily one of the all-time great drives. wet races in general are incredible. it was chaotic. it was fun.

it also shouldn't have happened.

you have a rookie (ollie bearman) saying he can't see anything and he's "not trying to die". you have your most experienced driver and the head of your drivers' union (fernando alonso and george russell) saying it's too dangerous and the race needs to stop. your calmest drivers (oscar piastri) sound genuinely terrified and say they can't race in these conditions, whilst half the grid (max, charles etc.) are BEGGING for a red flag. you have race engineers (GP) who don't know why the race hasn't been stopped and are just telling their drivers to survive. you don't stop the race. and you don't even let them put on wets.

yes, the race was red flagged after the colapinto crash - but it shouldn't have even got to that point. drivers (talented drivers by the way) were slipping off left and right. there was so much standing water on track it was practically a small ocean. there was no visibility. at all. all you saw was spray and blinking lights. no idea of distance. WHY WERE THEY STILL GOING??

when do we start treating drivers as actual human beings? when do we start prioritising their lives over entertainment?

formula 1 was safe until senna and ratzenberger died. formula 1 was safe until jules bianchi died. is formula 1 safe now? for how long? until someone else dies a completely avoidable death? because that could have happened in brazil. someone could have died.

one wrong turn. that's all it would have taken.

i was scared watching them. i'm scared now thinking about it, days later. i can't even imagine driving in those conditions. what they were feeling. thinking. it makes me sick.

and this isn't even mentioning everything that happened in quali. this weekend was a wreck from the start and it still continued. WHY.

there's nothing wrong with liking the race - i liked it. it produced a spectacular drive, the kind that will be talked about for decades to come. but you have to acknowledge that it should have ended in 20 laps and that the possibility of someone being seriously injured or worse was way too high. i hope it never happens again.

[hiddenonyx]

Obey Me! Characters Walking in on MC Showering

Notes: fem MC!, suggestive content, nudity

Word count: 3.4K - about 290 per character

A/N: You'll probably be able to tell, but this was written over the course of like...3 months? So it's a little disjointed and you can most certainly tell who I was more inspired for. Thank to Pen for giving me ideas for Simeon and Solomon. -------------

After a little planning mishap, you end up sharing a hotel room (and bed) with them. It’s a little awkward, but you’re too tired to truly care. Right now, you really just want a shower. Any other thoughts be damned.

—

"Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna take forever, calm down," you answer back to your temporary roommate. "It's just a shower to refresh a little."

You shift your half folded clothes in your arms so you can close the bathroom door.  You don't bother to lock it - after all they'll have to know that you're still in the bathroom if you're not out in the room, right? You set your clothes on the oversized countertop, before going over to the shower. It's a simple rectangle shower with a glass door, but isn't so horrible small that you're crowding yourself inside of it. After a few minutes of trying to figure out how to even turn the damn thing on, you get the water running and turn away to strip as the water warms up. But before you step in, you grab your phone and set the all important music. You turn it up so it's just loud enough to contend with the noise of the shower, set it on the counter nearby and step in. A sigh escapes you as the warm water sprays on your skin. Maybe you'll take a little longer than you said...

—

Lucifer

     He watches you disappear into the bathroom, not believing you when you told him it'll be a "quick" shower (40 minutes is not quick, MC). He goes back to reading through the tourist pamphlet for a factory, allowing the soft noise of the shower and distant music lull him into a feeling of soft relaxation. It's not until nearly an hour later that he realizes that you're still in the shower. Mild concern paints his face as he stands up and makes his way over to the closed bathroom door. The sound of your music is a little louder now and he can hear you humming along.

    "MC?" he asks softly, gently tapping his knuckles against the door. He repeats the actions a little louder when you don't answer. When you still don't answer, Lucifer hesitates, before giving a resigned sigh and opening the door. 

     His question of if you're alright dies on his tongue as he's greeted with the image of your perfect naked body partially obscured by condensation on the glass door. Your back is towards him as you hum along to a song, hands busy washing your hair, completely unaware that Lucifer's walked in on you. He's frozen to the spot for a few moments, his mind screaming at him to close the door and walk away like nothing's happened, but his body simply won't respond. He's stuck staring at your gorgeous form for what seems like an eternity.

    Then you start to turn around. Lucifer's body suddenly wakes up and he damn near slams the door off its hinges as he hurries to close it. You startle and call after him, confused and so blissfully unaware, "Lucifer? Was that you? Is something wrong?"

—

Mammon

     He grumbles as he watches you disappear into the bathroom. He knows that you'll take forever, and there's nothing to do in this tiny shoe box-excuse of a room. He pouts a little more - how dare you leave the Great Mammon bored?! When he hears the shower start and the music kick up, he knows you're not going to come back right away (a small part of him hoped that you would forget something and have to come back out so that he could see you again). 

    Mammon looks around the room, eyes falling on your open bag. His eyes dart back to the closed door before he shrugs and starts to go through it. He's mildly interested by all the little knick-knacks and souvenirs that you've kept  from him and his brothers. He's just about to go through your wallet when a loud "thud" followed by your muffled cursing startles him. He bolts up from your stuff and looks to the bathroom, a guilty look painted on his face. But the door remains closed. Confused and a little concerned, Mammon approaches. 

    "MC? W-what was that?" he calls, but unbeknown to him, you can't hear him over the shower and your music. He pauses at the door and strains his ears to try and hear a response. When none comes, he starts to get nervous. Did you fall? Is that what the loud noise was? Are you injured?

    More than a little panicked, Mammon hurriedly opens the door, "MC-!" His voice dies on his tongue as you lock eyes. You're putting some kind of product on your hand (presumably to spread somewhere else), and fully naked. The condensation on the glass does a poor job of censoring your breasts and the curves of your waist. You look at him, surprised and confused, and perhaps a little embarrassed - he however, is bright red and stuck staring. It isn't until you start to say something that Mammon lets out a pathetic yelp and slams the door closed.

—

Levi

    Levi gives you a disbelieving look at your “I’ll be quick” claim, but shrugs it off; after all he has to do some daily tasks in “Ruri-Chan Flowers vs. Devils: Dance Dance Battle!”. He hears you start your shower just as the game loads. He cracks his knuckles before curling into his best gamer posture.

     Levi glances at the time as he closes the app - almost 2 hours later. He winces; he hadn’t intended to spend longer than 30 minutes doing his tasks, but a new event had started and he just had to get the ice queen skin for Ruri-Chan (it looks so elegant on her!). He listens for a second and doesn’t hear the shower running anymore. He looks around for you in the room (perhaps you entered the room when he was in the “zone” and didn’t notice), and is confused when he doesn’t see you. Curiously, he makes his way to the bathroom door and listens again: silence.

    “M-MC?” Levi asks nervously. When you don’t answer he opens the door tentatively. He’s greeted with the lovely embarrassing view of you mid change; wearing only your underwear.  He’s frozen to the spot, staring at how your bra barely contains your breasts, at how your panties accent and clings to your natural curves. 

     “L-Levi?” You ask, slightly embarrassed by his staring. His face is so red you’re worried he’ll pass out. After a few more seconds his brain seems to catch up and he covers his face and practically runs back to the bed, screaming apologies.

—

Satan

     He gives you a hum of acknowledgement at your announcement and turns the page of his new book. He hears the bathroom door click closed. He lets out a soft sigh of relaxation before settling fully in the chair. He knows that he'll have plenty of time to read in peace and quiet while you shower.

     Satan is fully immersed in his book when you call his name from the bathroom. He startles and almost bends the page. He looks over at the door, answering you back, "Yes?"

   "I forgot my pajamas on my bed. Could you bring them here, please?" Your voice is timid and embarrassed. He sighs softly - you make him do things that he wouldn't do for anyone else.

    "Yes. Just a second." He gently (and carefully) sets his book down on the table before standing up and going over to your bed. Your cute sleeping clothes are folded nicely in a single space (which he appreciates the neatness of). He picks them up just as gently as he had put his book down before walking over to the bathroom.

    He raps his knuckle gently against the door and waits for your answer. He doesn't hear the music or the water running, so he tries again slightly louder. When you fail to answer again, he gently opens the door and steps inside. 

    He's greeted with the view of you wrapped in a towel that just barely covers the important parts. Your breasts are nearly spilling over the top of the white towel (how the towel even remains wrapped around in the first place is a wonder). And the towel just barely covers the upper most part of your thighs. You scroll absently on your phone while you wait, unaware of Satan's presence. He stares for a few seconds, struggling to collect himself (how dare you be this nonchalant), before he softly clears his throat.

    You look over and give him an apologetic smile before reaching out to take the offered clothes. Satan closes the door and does his best to muffle the sigh he lets out. This is going to be a long trip.

—

Asmodeus

    He really wants to ask you if he can join you, but he figures that if you wanted him to join you, you would've extended an invitation. Perhaps you simply need a little bit to sort through your thoughts and memories of the day (which he understands - he does that too). Instead, he busies himself doing his skincare routine out in front of his travel mirror. It's far from the best, but it'll do for the night.

    Asmo hums idly to your muffled playlist, enjoying the odd domestic tone of the night. The situation is odd, with having to share a bed, he muses, but at least he can fall asleep right next to your cute self. It isn't until he's about to complete his last step in his extensive routine that he notices that your music has stopped. When did it stop? How long has the room been silent? Asmo strains his ears, but can't hear any other sounds.

    "Little dove? Are you done?" he calls softly. When you don't answer him, he gets up, and goes over to the bathroom door. He knocks, calling again, "Dove?"

    "Huh? Oh yeah, I'm done....hey, umm...could you help me? T-there's this knot in my hair."

    Asmo smiles softly before opening the door. He pays little mind to the fact that you've somehow managed to wrap and tie the hotel towel around your body (maybe you used a little magic), and instead focus on this knot of wet hair you're struggling to untangle. He gently takes the brush from you, his fingers ever so softly grazing your's, and gently pulls it from your hair. He hums as he begins to gently brush your hair out.

—

Beelzebub

    He nods in acknowledgement before popping another piece of candy in his mouth. It's some human world candy; some of the pieces are sweet and some of them are tart, and Beel never quite knows which kind he'll get. He sits on the bed, simply enjoying the snack and thinking - thinking about the day you've spent together.

    He's content for the time, but a loud "bampoof" followed by language Beel's only ever heard come from an angry Levi makes him pause mid chew. He swallows hard before rising from the bed.

    "MC? Are you okay?" His voice is soft but urgent. He rests his hand on the door, listening. He can still hear the water running, your music playing and...your mumbled curses. He breathes a sigh of relief; at least you're not unconscious. But still...

    He opens the door gently, eyes cast to the tiled floor trying to respect your privacy. "MC? A-are you okay? What happened?"

    You huff and rise to your feet, grabbing the offending soap bar that had slipped from your grip and caused you to fall after it. "Yeah, I'm fine...more or less. Hit my head slightly, " you mumble before looking over at Beel. His face, even staring at the title, is dusted pink. You can't help but smile and giggle. He blushes harder, before glancing at you.

    "Yeah, Beel, I'm fine. I'll be out in a few, okay?" you give him your biggest, most convincing smile. He nods, his face even redder now, before closing the door.

—

Belphegor

    He makes a half-assed noise to acknowledge you before covering his eyes with his arm. As long as he wakes up next to you, he doesn't really care how long you take. As he drifts off, he hears your music start playing. Despite the peppy-upbeatness it lulls him to sleep all the same.

     Belphie has no idea how much time has passed when he wakes up, but he does know that you're not in bed with him. Grumbling, he practically slides himself out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom door. He grumbles, some sort of half asleep noise, before unceremoniously opening the door.

     "Belphie!" You squeak, scrambling to wrap yourself in a towel, smearing lotion on the white cloth. He sleepily sways towards you - too asleep to notice your state of undress. He wraps his arms around you and sleepily nuzzles your neck, mumbling something about you being late. You're frozen to place, one hand gently touching on Belphie's shoulder. 

    "Belphie." you say again, holding your breath. He makes a noise of some kind but continues to lean into you. You both stand there for a few minutes before Belphie raises his face to look at you. His eyes seem a little clear and he gives you a questioning look, "What? You weren't in bed," he pouts. 

    "Belphie...I'm naked."

    He stares at you and blinks dumbly for a second before his sleepy brain catches up. His face turns red and he bites his lip. Reluctantly he pulls away and looks at the floor.

    "S-sorry. I-I'll go." You giggle and smile, "It's okay. I'll be out in a few more minutes okay? And then I'll give you all the cuddles you want."

—

Diavolo

     He watches you disappear into the bathroom with a soft hum and smile. He turns his attention to the small smattering of various important documents that need his attention and signature (even on "vacation" the poor prince can never seem to escape his work). He sighs and silently debates if Barbatos's lecture would be worth ignoring his work for the time being. Diavolo glances back at the bathroom door before picking up his pen - it's not like he had anything else to do while he waited.

    He's almost finished with his paperwork - actively in the process of signing the last document - when he's startled by a unusually loud "FUCK" from the bathroom. Diavolo spares only a half a second to frown in annoyance at the smeared lettering before setting the pen down and getting up.

    "MC? Are you-?" he starts as he approaches the door. He strains his ears to listen, hearing movement from inside and more importantly your grumbles of irritation. "MC?" he calls again, waiting by the shut door, concern worming its way into his expression. You don't answer, but he can still hear you moving.

     Carefully he turns the door handle and slowly opens the door just enough so that he can look in and see what's happened.  He sucks in a soft breath. You're completely naked, fiddling with a band-aid, a small stream of blood running down your leg. You must've nicked yourself while shaving, and as his eyes trace the blood, it looks to be around your knee (an annoying and troublesome area if one's not careful, or so he's been told). His eyes continue to travel past the nick to rake over the rest of your nude form. 

    And Diavolo has to bite his lip to stop himself from letting out a hot and noisy breath. You're gorgeous, absolutely stunning, drop dead beautiful - he could on. Every part of you is simply perfect. His trance of admiration is broken when you move again, having finished applying the band-aid. Carefully, and quietly, he closes the door letting out the breath he was holding. There's no way either of you are sleeping tonight.

—

Barbatos

    He gives a little hum to acknowledge you, but says nothing. It's a bit odd to see Barbatos of all people casually reclining in a chair with a book, but it's kinda cute (and an odd weight off your shoulders that the man does actually know how to relax).  You turn and make your way to the bathroom, gently closing the door behind you.

    Barbatos lets his eyes follow you as you walk to the bathroom, watching you go. His eyes narrow slightly - he expected your arms to be fuller...were you forgetting something? He glances over to your bed to find that you had forgotten to bring your sleepwear. He smiles softly, how cute of you.

    Barbatos sets his book down before getting up and carefully collects your clothes to bring to you. He knocks gently on the door and then opens it. It's a force of habit really, he truly didn't mean to intrude and walk in on you half naked.

     You hold each other's gaze for several long seconds, your hands behind your back holding the clasps of your bra. He simply stands in the entrance of the room, one hand holding your sleepwear, the other on the door knob. 

    He clears his throat softly, "You forgot these." Barbatos sets your clothes on the counter before quietly excusing himself.

—

Simeon

    He smiles as he watches you disappear into the bathroom. His smile dips into a slight frown when he realizes that he's not sure what to do now that you're busy. Should he read? His eyes dart to his bag. Or maybe he should work on his manuscript - he had been hoping to be able to work on it at some point during this trip and now seemed as good of a time as any, right?

     After almost twenty minutes of struggling to do anything writing related Simeon decides that it would be best to call it a night. He carefully put his manuscript away and makes his way over to the bed. He picked up the top item of clothing that he had set out for himself earlier, only to realize that it wasn't his - it was your's. He glances back towards the bathroom and then the shirt he had unfolded. You must've grabbed the wrong set of sleepwear by accident.

     Ever the gentleman, Simeon refoldes the shirt and picks up the stack of clothing, making his way to the bathroom. Even through the door, he can hear you softly singing along. He doubts that you can hear him, but he still knocks anyways, and isn't surprised when you don't answer.

    Gently he opens the door, his gaze downwards. He peeks up, looking at the counter to see where you had set down the clothes you took. He groans internally when he sees that they're almost right at the farthest end; he had hoped to just be able to quickly swap them out and not disturb you. 

    He sighs and steps in, "Um, excuse me, (MC). I don't mean to bother you, but it seems you accidentally grabbed my clothes instead of your's."  You look over to him, gently jolted out of your thoughts. You can't help but smile at Simeon; he keeps his gaze down and is quick with the exchange.

    "Oh, I'm sorry."

     "It's alright. Enjoy the rest of your shower," and with that, he gracefully leaves, his ears a soft pink.

—

Solomon

     He smiles and laughs a little to himself as he watches you leave towards the bathroom. He waits till he hears the door close before returning his attention to the small set up of magical equipment and knick-knacks. As he starts to tinker, he hears the soft noise of the shower and your music. He hums along softly as he works.

    Almost half an hour later Solomon sets down his tools and stretches in the chair before getting up. He makes his way to the bathroom, lost in thought about his recent project. It was being difficult and not quite working how he wanted it to.

    ...maybe a shower would help clear his thoughts. 

   He opens the door to the bath and casual walks in, pushing the door closed with his foot. He grabs his belt to start undoing it when a voice calls his name.

     "Solomon?! What are you doing?!"

     He looks up and over to the shower, to see you. Already naked, in the shower, and in the middle of washing your hair. He tries to hold your gaze, but his eyes falter and flicker down to the rest of your form for a second. He had forgotten you were in here.

    He laughs, thoroughly embarrassed for the first time in a while and brings his hands up to rub at his shoulder in an apologetic gesture, "S-Sorry, sorry. I...I uh...forgot you were in here..."

    "Where else would I be?! Now get out! Shoo!"

     Solomon doesn't need to be told twice.

[leaky-bunny]

on vacation right now and i can't stop thinking about how incredibly sexy beach omo with a controlling dom would be. so i wrote a little fic about it. :)

picture it: me sitting in the sand by my dom's side as they're reclined on a nice chair, soaking up sun. it's hot, so i'm guzzling water to stay hydrated and watching the waves ripple and crash against the shore. eventually, i feel my bladder pang, and i stand up to go find a bathroom, only for them to grab my hand and hold me back.

"if you're trying to do what i think you're trying to do, don't. you sit back down, sweetheart."

i agree, shifting in the sand, this time with my legs pressed a little closer together.

time passes and the need gets much much worse. the ocean does nothing to help me, its sounds only driving me closer to the edge. i tug on my dom's arm, voice now a lot more urgent as i tell them i'm going to go in the water, hoping i can secretly let go once my bottom half is fully submerged and hidden. their eyebrow raises, obviously not impressed by my weak attempt at beating the system, but nevertheless they agree and stand up as well. the change in position sends me whimpering, but i try to cover it best i can with a cough (not very successfully though because they clearly hear and smirk). we stroll towards the water, my bladder contracting as i fight the urge to hold myself. despite the beach being calm, it's certainly not empty, and our fellow vacationers probably wouldn't appreciate such a show. the second my feet touch the waves, however, i gasp as a leak forces it's was out of me, soaking into my bikini as my dom pauses by my side.

"what's wrong sweetie, i though you wanted to go in?"

i flinch as another wave laps at my feet, legs firmly pressed together. "nghh, g-gonna pee...."

their eyes turn hard as they scowl, grabbing my hand and dragging my back to our spot in the sand. "no the fuck you're not, i gave you one rule. you are keeping all that piss inside you until you burst, understood?"

i wanna beg, wanna do something to relieve the arousal now coursing through my veins, but i just nod weakly and focus on not letting any more out.

it only takes another 10 minutes for me to leak again, enough to make a tiny wet patch in the sand beneath me. this time, i do moan, eyes glazed with the desire to let go, but my dom looks over and knows immediately what happened. they smile and reach over, pretending to adjust the bottom of my bikini, but instead pressing on the bulge of my bladder, hard and achingly full. another leak sprays out, even bigger than the next one, and with that my last shred of composure breaks.

"please- fuuuck, let me pee master, i have to go so bad and i've been so good, trying my best to hold it in just like you asked me to-"

they shush me, looking around, but finding no one has overhead or seems to care. "alright baby, calm down, i know you've done well for me. dig a little hole in the sand, ok? that'll be your potty."

i nod rapidly, too excited about the concept of finally peeing to be embarrassed by their word choice. my hands work quickly, scooping at the sand next to me until there's a hole large enough to sit over, positioned so my cunt is right above it. i stare up at my dom, eyes pleading, and they smile wickedly. "open your legs baby, show master how wet you are." i do, the dampness on my crotch extremely evident, and they shake their head in disappointment. "i would punish you for leaking, but here is not the place for that. i'm feeling very gracious, so you have permission to pee now. let it out bunny, i wanna see every drop."

the sentence is barely out of their mouth before i let go, the gushing sound filling the air as i piss a torrent. at first, the sand soaks it up almost instantly, but after a while, when the entire hole is soaked, a puddle begins to froth beneath me just like the ocean. i pant and shiver, eyes rolled back into my skull, not even noticing that my dom is staring at me as if they're going to eat me whole.

"good bunny, making a mess in public for me. bet that feels good, hm? i can't wait to show you how fucking horny you make me when we get back to the hotel. master's gonna make you cum so many times your brain will turn as fuzzy as that ocean foam."

[luveline]

For Eddie and Roan, can you write a ficlet where Roan wakes up sick and goes to Eddie's bed to wake him up and tell him she doesn't feel good and he's worried and takes her temperature and sees that she's fever, so he stays at home taking care of her?

eddie and roan ♡

Roan's head feels heavy as a bowling ball. She focuses very hard on not falling over, and so she doesn't realise you're awake and sitting up until she's climbing onto the bottom of your bed. 

“Hey, princess,” you whisper, holding your finger to your lips, “daddy's still sleeping.” 

She loves you, but she ignores you. She loves you, capital L, but she needs her dad. You don't try to stop her, the book on your thighs closing as you let your hiked knees fall. “Ro?” you ask. 

“Dad,” she whines, “I need you to be awake.” 

Eddie puts his hand up to her face. Roan groans and tips her head back as he feels along her head to the soft crop of hair at the base of her neck. “Why?” he asks hoarsely, pulling her in blindly.  

Parcelled against his chest, Roan can hardly breathe. “Daddy,” she says urgently. 

He lifts his head on the pillow, eyes peeled back painstakingly slowly. “What's the matter, Ro?” 

She knew he'd know there was something wrong. Her dad knows everything even when he says he doesn't, and her eyes fizzle with tears in the gentle embrace of his arm. He rubs her back accordingly. “What's wrong, baby?” he asks, adopting his softest of tones. 

Roan hides her face in his chest shyly. “I feel bad…” 

Eddie feels suddenly and extremely worried at the sight of her. He panics hard, heart in his mouth sort of panic, but then you touch his elbow and he remembers he's not doing it alone anymore. 

“What kind of sick?” he asks. 

Roan curls into her pill bug shape on top of him and cries about her head feeling weird and her tummy aching. He puts his hand on her stomach and finds it bloated despite it being rather small otherwise. He has no idea what it means, but he assures her it'll be okay the way he always does, murmurs said between teeny kisses pressed to her temple and his fingers raking down through her hair one rumpled curl at a time. 

Your second alarm rings. 

You get dressed quickly and Eddie doesn't move. He knows he can't go to work, not when she's like this. He can't imagine sending her to school, and can't imagine leaving her home this sort of sick without him. He remembers all those years ago feeling sick as a dog wishing Wayne could stay home just to keep him company, and he remembers being smaller, his mom on the couch, his sweaty head in her lap.  

You hop into one of your socks, smiling at him over her head. He smiles back. What can you do? it says. 

Perfume sprayed, hair done, you stand in the doorway brushing your teeth. “I can go get you some stuff before I go to work if I rush. Sorry, I wasn't thinking. She likes the cream of mushroom soup, right? Or is it cream of chicken?” 

“Both. Mushroom’s her favourite. And white rice. And cranberry juice.” 

“I know she wants cranberry juice,” you say around a mouthful of froth, waving your hand, “don't insult me, Eds.” 

He feels her forehead. She'd felt warm enough to guess she was sick, but her forehead is ember hot. “Aw, god,” he says, sitting up despite his twinging back, Roan held tight to his chest. “Can you get me a hand towel? Soak it in some cold water?” 

“Sure thing,” you say, rushing off. 

“This isn't cool, Ro, you weren't gonna tell me you're a human furnace? Thought we told each other everything?” he asks, brushing her hair back from her face. 

“I'm hot,” she says. 

He taps the tip of her nose. Her eyes focus on his finger, so he figures she'll be okay for now. “I know. I can feel it.” He'll hold a cold hand towel to her head for a bit to give her the chance to calm down, and if she doesn't cool he'll give her a lukewarm bath. There will be things to do, taking her temperature, calling the school, calling the doctor, rubbing her small back, but he's done it before. He can handle it without you. 

“I'm just a phone call away, okay?” you say, passing him the wrung towel carefully. “If you need anything, just call me.” You kiss his cheek, then Roan's. “Promise?” 

“I'll call you,” he says honestly. “But we'll be okay, won't we, babe?” 

Roan mumbles something unintelligible. Eddie's pretty sure she's saying we'll be fine. 

[incorrectbatfam]

If you could create and add a new DC character, what would they be like?

I'm going to tell you about David, and knowing you guys, you'll agree with me when I say he should have his own comic.

David has been my best friend literally since we were 8. He is the only constant I've had through my life. He introduced me to the drums and helped me get a motorcycle after I got my license. We are each other's platonic ride or die. If he asked me to bury a body, I'd do it no question, and I know he'd do the same for me.

That said, I clearly have the braincell in this friendship.

Don't get me wrong, he's smart in certain aspects. He's a talented musician, good athlete, taught himself to fix most plumbing issues, speaks decent Japanese, easily clicks socially, and is super empathetic. But in others, he's like a plate in a knife drawer.

Some highlights from over the years:

He ate the brown paper bag his lunch came in on a field trip

He thought hot chocolate was just cocoa powder (no milk or water) in a mug and the microwave would melt it. His sister had to call the fire department

He gave a stray dog his scarf for warmth and never saw that scarf again

He licked the dust off an XBox controller

He got a speeding ticket outside the DMV literally five minutes after getting his license

He made gender reveal cupcakes to come out to the rest of our friend group when we were 17, but he threw them into a Ziploc and they jostled around his backpack for half a day before lunch

He thought closing a browser tab would get rid of a computer virus

He tried hotboxing his own car while driving

He almost seasoned his food with pepper spray before someone stopped him

He had a tire swing on a tree in his backyard. He decided to stand on it while swinging and smacked his forehead against a branch in front of him. It was literally the most hollow thwock ever, as if confirming his lack of braincells. He then proceeded to get pissed off and punch the tree. He said it was his most gender-affirming experience

He brought me along on a family road trip and used me as a footrest in the car

He frequently writes drum tabs the way he'd write guitar ones (in short the two are very different kinds of sheet music and I'd need three hands to play them). He absolutely knows better. I think he's messing with me at this point

He mistook wasabi powder for matcha

He once got drunk at a frat party, crawled out the lawn of the house, and began eating grass like a cow

I wanted to know what kissing a dude was like out of curiosity and this was before he started physically transitioning, so to make it a more "authentic" experience, he gargled Gatorade beforehand

He tried to make his first battle jacket with washable Crayola markers

He also tried to dye his hair with his sister's watercolors

He's worn the same sweatshirt since he was 14 and I think I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him wash it (I was over at his house a lot)

He's the motherfucker that wears running shorts in the snow

He thought his area code would automatically change when we moved to a new state

He once kicked a soccer ball into an oncoming train

BONUS: when he came out to his parents, they were accepting and while he was at school, his dad mounted a fish on David's bedroom door because men I guess

So yeah, if I worked at DC, I'd insert David in the background of every comic just being his chaotic himbo self. David is beyond space and time. There could be a battle on fucking Oa and David would just be there doing a kickflip. That's who I'd choose.

[marsprincess889]

Ok so I'm back to bringing you guys' attention to what's going on in my country.

I don't have the heart to tell it all in detail. In truth we're all so familiar with it that talking about it seems comical. But to keep you up to date, there have been massive protests in Tbilisi, Georgia since late November.

On 26th of October of this year, the Georgian Dream party falsifies yet another election and on the 26th of november elects themselves as the ruling party again, despite EU, most of the other nations and all the other parties recognizing the elections as illegitimate. Recently they chose their new president, who was basically the only option. The photo of the literal bulletin from the parliament leaked.

People demand another election, a fair one. Peaceful protests soon turned into police beating up the protestors, even teens and women. They're still using water cannons mixed with pepper spray, in December btw. You can look up the videos, even on here.

The main thing that is painful to me and my generation in all of this is the fact that this is a completely new, modern and different version of the same damn fight. Right now I'm thinking of young men and even women and others who were severely beaten up, about people struggling to make ends meet who have their loved ones in such situations, young people trying to build their future who see less and less hope every day in their homeland but are desparately trying to hold on to the last tiny bit of it, maybe even goimg to protests in that state. Today I heard two girls around my age talking. "We gotta get out of here right?..." "yeah... but who are we leaving it to?" "The country?..."

Being free and sovereign in your homeland should not be an uphill battle or a luxury.

We have been fighting against Russian influence for centuries. For those who don't know, even when the repression isn't obvious, they still attack bit by bit(killing or kidnapping our citizens near the occupated borders??????), often with an old and tried tactic: trying to erase our culture and history, and with it our spirit and identity. And with all the other horrors, this is a huge insult.

My heart sinks everytime I read a random comment on a map or other type of video saying "Georgia is not Europe", "but Georgia is Asia". Not that there's anything wrong with Asia, but those statements mean something different and much deeper than an average foreigner suspects. Georgia never ever was "not Europe" to me. This isn't even about joining EU immediately as much as it is about us voicing our own wishes, opinions and truth as the vast majority of our country.

One thing I want to say to people who are far away from this is this: please do not fall for propaganda. And by that I mean Russian propaganda. If you just try to keep it clean while posting about us or checking sources while reading about us and calling out misinformation, it is going to mean a lot.

I tried to not write about this cause let's be honest, what can I do here?

I hope this will do at least something.

I do have followers so, I'm also asking them🤍🤍🤍 even those who just know me from astrology. Please consider reading and reblogging. 🤍🤍

reblogging(esp with tags) is still support.

Edit, additional info that you should probably know: Georgian Dream is a pro-russian government, they just banned wearing masks and goggles(those protect you from pepper spray by the way). If you walk by the parliament in Tbilisi your eyes and skin will almost definitely start to "burn" and you'll most likely start coughing.

There have been phone numbers calling and cursing at/insulting/threatening citizens, even pre-teens, believe it or not. And since the government passed "the russian law" earlier this year, we are most likely being tracked😐

Here is my post from this spring, written in an angry and tired state.

[tumblerlove]

Yes, I am alive....no, I don't even know where it is that I disappeared to, but I'm back 😌 so here's some Rafe angst that does end happy, though

"Rafe, what's wrong?" You gasp as you see your boyfriend absolutely distraught....

You hadn't heard from Rafe all day, which is werid for him. If you two can't be together that day, then he'll call you at least. But he hadn't even texted you either. That's why you're knocking at Tannyhills door right now. Wheezie had let you in, and you could tell the house was tense by the look on her face. It was just her and Rafe. You didn't hear or see Ward, Rose, or Sarah around

You knock on his door before entering. "Wheezie, go away, I don't want to talk right now," he yells behind the door. You open it anyway and peek inside and see him on the edge of his bed

You tell him softly, "It's just me, Rafe." He whips his head towards you and can see that his eyes are teary and red. And omg, there's a bruise under his eye. And maybe even his lip is cut?! His hair looks disheveled like his hands had been running through it

"Rafe, what's wrong!?" You gasp as you see your boyfriend absolutely distraught. "What...what are you doing here?" As he stands up and looks away from you

"I came to check on you...I hadn't heard from you it's not like you." You tell him as he looks away from you. "Rafe, tell me what happened," you ask him, your tone pleading a little, trying to find out what happened that has him like this

"Just fucking go. I don't want you seeing me like this, " his voice raising at you, still looking away from you. He never would talk to you like this

"Don't talk to me like that, Rafe...I'm your girlfriend. I have a right to find out what's got you so upset so I can help." Your tone is firm but still caring

"God, I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to raise my voice at you," he tells you his tone softer now. He turns around to you. "Oh Rafe," you gasp out and walk up to him and inspect the black eye forming already. He does infact have a cut on his cheek and his lip, too

"Did you get into a fight?" You look at him, knowing how he was before meeting you. "No, no, I promise," his tone serious. You can tell he didn't fight as you see his hands are clean, no cuts or blood on them

"If you won't tell me then... just let me fix you up and take care of you." Your eyes finding his that are watering again. He mumbles "Ok" as you step closer to him and hold his hand, moving him towards his bathroom

He sits on the toilet seat as you grab some things to patch him up, still curious as to what happened. You clean his cuts, making sure they don't get infected. He winces when you use a cleaning spray. "I'm sorry, baby." You lean down and kiss, his forehead

"It was my dad," he blurts out as you make eye contact with him. Trying not to move or speak, so he continues on. "He got pissed off because the job he had me working on fell through." his eyes look hurt. You knew that he had been working on it and trying so hard to make it work.

He's holding your waist as if you'll keep him grounded while telling you. "I told him that I tried everything, and the guy had pulled out last minute. He didn't believe me... said I must have fucked something up." Rafes words mumbled as he presses his face into your stomach, not being able to look at you

"When I defended myself again he pushed me and when I tried to push him away he punched me and his ring cut me too" he looks finally up at you as you both have tears in your eyes

"Oh Rafe," you look at him, pulling him to you so you can hug him properly. "I...I didn't even defend myself. I just walked away after like a coward." He sounds defeated and tired. "You did the right thing. You're the bigger person. You've grown from this behavior." You try to help him calm down and reason with him that he did good

"You know how much worse it could've been baby if you would've fought him back," you say, holding his face to look you in the eyes. "You are a stronger man for walking away. Your father is the coward."

"I fucking hate this" he looks up at you eyes watery. "I'm so tired," Rafe says, his voice and face breaking your heart

You pull him up and start moving him back to the bedroom. "Let's get you comfortable and in bed," you smile up at him, doing your best to help him. Rafe just mindlessly follows you as you pick out sweats for him to change into

"Let me help you," you step closer to him to start getting his shirt off. "You don't have to, baby," his voice soft while looking at you. "I know... but I want too" you say as you get him into sweatpants

As you get him into bed and make him comfortable, he grabs your hand. "Can you stay here tonight?" Rafe asks softly. "Of course I was just gonna change into something comfortable," you cup his face before changing

When you're changed into one of Rafes' shirts and a pair of underwear, you climb into bed with him. His eyes are puffy from crying and swollen from his black eye. It breaks your heart seeing him like this, knowing he's eating himself up over his dad's shit

"Rafe...." you ask as he's snuggled against your back, cuddling against you. "Yes, love," he says, sleepy. "You should move in with me," you blurt out. You feel his body stiffen for a second until he says, "I'll start packing in the morning." He kisses your neck as he falls asleep

Next morning, you wake up to the sounds of Rafe packing his things up with a smile on his face.

[cherrychilli]

18+

Soft Perv! Steve x AFAB reader

Idk how else to say this. Steve shaves reader's 🐱

A/N: I feel like he'd be into that. Actually, I'm pretty damn sure he would be. Fight me idc.

You could barely see above the brown paper bags crowding your arms as you lugged your groceries inside and heaved them onto the counter in a single trip. Noting the time with a quick glance at the kitchen clock, you grimace when you see that you're running late.

You knew Steve wouldn't have minded. He would forgive you being a little behind schedule but it was you who was feeling impatient tonight. You were looking forward to it. A simple night in together, order some dinner, watch a movie and hopefully, more. You didn't like the idea of missing a moment of it. Darting back and forth, you deposited your newly purchased frozen foods and vegetables in the the refrigerator in a flurry, leaving the nonperishables behind to be put away later. Steve would be arriving soon and you were yet to shower and get changed, still cursing under your breath about getting held up at the understaffed grocery store. You make sure to leave the front door unlocked for him, figuring you could jump into the shower and be ready without keeping him waiting for too long if you hurried.

You tip your head back under the running showerhead, letting the warm spray wash away your shampoo, pomegranate and black current wafting from your lathered locks and clinging to the fine mist fogging up the room. The soft foam glides down your back and freshly shaved legs, joining the water at your feet and spirals down the drain. You're about to reach for the razor sitting on your shower niche when three gentle knocks against your bathroom door alerts you to your boyfriend's arrival.

You step out of the tub carefully without toweling off, padding over to the door to inch it open enough for your face to peer through. "Hi", you greeted him with an apologetic smile, wiping the water away from your brow. "I'm so sorry but could you give me fifteen more minutes? I got held up". That's when you notice that Steve's still dressed in the same clothes he'd worn to work today, dark denim jeans that fit a little too well, making your eyes travel below his belt and a striped polo, now unobstructed by the dark green vest adorned with his nametag and the Family Video logo. "That's alright", he starts, referring to your delay. "Actually that works out, I didn't have time to stop at home. Mind if I join you? I could use a shower too".

You hesitate and he notices.

"What's wrong?", he asks, looking mildly concerned now. You'd showered together so many times before that it was hardly an unusual request for him to make.

Only this time you're a little caught off guard and just the slightest bit more embarrassed given what you were about to do in the shower. "Uh- it's just that I was about to shave", you explain hesitantly like that might suffice for an answer. You realize it didn't when he continues to look at you like you're yet to tell him what the problem was. "I don't mind", he answers when you don't say more. "It's a big tub. I wont get in your way" he adds, a little amused by your sudden nerves.

"Um- I mean, I was gonna shave...well, not my legs", you clarify, hoping he'll understand your roundabout explanation this time.

"Oh...", his brows raise, gaze lowering from your face and to the door that shielded you like he might be able to see right through it, see your body all soft and damp and trembling at the thought of showing him the places you felt too shy to reveal. You notice the glimmer in his eyes before they grow darker, his lips pulling into a soft smirk. "Can I help?"

You wondered if it might have been his attempt at a joke as you stood facing him in your tub, both of you nude, sharing a kiss as more of your shampoo washed away from his once perfectly quaffed hair and coiled down the drain until the water at your feet ran clear again. You knew for certain that it wasn't some sort of attempt at humor when your passionfruit scented body wash was cleared from your bodies next and your boyfriend pulled his lips away from where they'd been kissing down your neck, whispering against your ear underneath the running water. "Wanna lean back for me, baby? relax and let me take care of it?", he reaches between your legs, gently cupping your cunt, thumb brushing over the hair there in half circles.

You have to bite down the little whine creeping up the back of your throat as he caresses you, so tender yet somehow so lewd with his touches. "Steve...are you sure?", you peer at him through your lashes, dotted with tiny droplets.

"Are you?" he countered playfully, stroking your waist with his free hand until you answered first with a nod and then audibly with a palm smoothing over his matted chest hair. "Please".

Steve never insisted on having you shave. He had made it clear that he desired you no matter the state of you, showing just as much hunger, if not more on the days that you hadn't been able to spend some extra time in the tub with your razor. You had wanted to do it because it was your preference for the night and he was only happy to be the one to assist you with such an intimate task.

You leaned back against the end of the tub for him, porcelain cold and dewy on your back as you spread your legs and rested your ankles over each edge. He liked you like this, more than he could put into words, eyes unblinking as they fixed between your legs, opening up just for him. "I can't handle it when you look at me like that", you fussed lightly, more for the sake of seeking respite from the smoldering tension rather than a sincere complaint. His eyes flicked up to yours as he positioned himself between your thighs, looking amused by your little statement. "Like what?", he challenged you for an answer, knowing it would only fluster you even more having to explain what you meant.

You pout as heat collects in your cheeks.

"Looking at me really closely. Like...you're studying me."

Like you want to swallow me whole, you thought to yourself.

"How else am I supposed to look at you right now?", he chuckled, reaching for your purple razor and the little can of shaving cream. "Want me blindfolded?", he suggested jokingly. You shuddered at the thought. "No..." you concede. "Then I'm going to keep looking" he smoothed a palm over your inner thigh. "Need to see all of you if I'm going to do this right".

You're the one watching him closely now as he deposits a dime sized portion of the shaving cream onto his palm, reaching between your parted thighs to spread the creamy foam along your skin. Your legs tense and relax as he applies it gently and thoroughly, making sure to cover every inch needed. The cocky little smirk that had remained since his bout of light teasing begins to falter now. He seemed sure of himself until he drew his fingers away from the foam, washing them clean before pinching the razor between his fingers. "Where should I start?", he looks to you for guidance, waiting patiently for your instruction.

"Oh", you think of how you usually did it yourself, wanting to suggest a safe place for him to start. "Um, over here" you pointed your index finger at the top of your mound. "Maybe, work your way down?", you offered. He nods, looking completely focused as he aimed the razor at the spot you pointed out before slowly bringing it down. You release a breath you hadn't been aware that you were holding when the blades glide smoothly over your skin, a stripe of freshly shaved skin emerging as the foam wipes away with the first stroke. "How was that?", he checked as he pulled the razor away, deep brown eyes flicking up to meet yours. "Great, keep going", you encouraged him, toes curling at the strange yet alluring reality of what you're letting him do to you.

You didn't have to guide him much after that, only sneaking looks at him as he continued. Damp locks of his hair hung over his hungry eyes, the undivided attention he gave you making your belly feel warm. Nearing the end, he runs his fingers along each area in search of any hair he might have missed. His digits trace your inner folds, thumb skimming your clit, spreading you open occasionally. You suspected those touches had little to do with making sure he'd accomplished a clean shave but you say nothing, entranced and a little breathless at how well he's handling you.

Keep touching me there, you almost let slip, teething at your bottom lip to keep yourself quiet.

"Christ, you're pretty", he mumbles under his breath, spying the slick that had begun to drip from you. You're unaware of it, naively thinking you've managed hide how turned on you've become as he swipes his thumb over your entrance lightly, wetting it with you. He subdues a laugh at the thought of you all embarrassed, trying to argue that you were entirely unaffected and that he'd mistaken the clear residue for water. The distinct slippery texture as he rubs his index finger over his thumb confirmed otherwise. He doesn't let on that he's noticed how wet you've become, placing the razor back on the niche to signal that he's finished.

You look over the remnants of shaving cream streaking your skin as he pulls the detachable showerhead off the holder and brings it between your thighs. He aims the warm spray above your mound, watching the leftover foam wash away from you. If you'd been looking at his face you might have noticed the way Steve's eyes flashed as he discreetly thumbed at the showerhead settings, finally acting on an idea he'd been sitting on for long enough. You gasp when the water turns from a gentle spray to a single stream with noticeably stronger pressure, positioning it right over your clit. "Steve!", you cry out, an electric pulse shooting through you at the surprise stimulation. "Do you like that?", he grins, a rhetorical question because of course you did. Anyone who'd heard your sultry cry of his name would know you liked it very much.

Your eyes are wide, mouth agape as he directs the stream of water away from your clit to hold your attention.

"I want to watch you cum", grin fading to show you that he's serious.

"That's fair, right? I did just help you out after all"

You don't bother reminding him that he was the one who had asked to help in the first place, not the other way around. "Y-yeah", you stutter out your response instead, surprise receding to make way for the need growing hot inside you. "Fuck- yes. Please Steve, make me cum".

He directs the stream back over your clit and your breath catches in your throat, toes curling as the pressure beats down on your swollen bundle of nerves.

"Just relax and let me take care of it", he reminds you, lips curving into a dangerous smile.

[tequilawitholives]

Two Truths One Lie

Smosh: Shayne Topp x Reader

WC: 1.8K

Warnings: A little bit of suggestive(looks n feelings), use of she/her pronouns, Y/N is one of the ogs in smosh, slight fluff if u squint, Y/N is kinda famous

It was a warm day in California when the team chose to make Y/n and Shayne film the video, which they both silently thanked them for. Getting sprayed with ice cold water wouldn't be as harmful with the weather.

"Are you ready to get sprayed to death?" Shayne joked while bumping his shoulder into Y/n who turned to smirk at him.

Y/n only ignored his comment and walked into the studio where Courtney, Amanda and Angela hung out in their stools beside the "game" table.

It was a little intimidating, the guns leaning against the table while a crew member filled them both up with water.

Shayne followed after Y/n into the studio and walked with her to the sound manager who mic'ed them up, connecting their microphone while the two of them clipped the small black electronics onto their clothes.

As they finished with that, the studio manager once again called everyone to their places, checking so that everyone were feeling alright.

Y/n sat down across Shayne, Courtney to her left as she looked down at the cards in front of her.

Before any filming session, Y/n always felt a shock of adrenaline pulse through her veins, as if she felt like any second, her body would explode - which it never did of course.

"And.. Action!" Emily, the director, shouted. The studio turned quiet before Shayne turned to the camera with a dramatic sigh escaping his mouth.

"Welcome, everyone, to another round of Two Truths One Lie. In this game, me and an opponent tell three statements, where two of those statements are truths and the other one a lie." Shayne explained, still in his dramatic voice.

"If my opponent, who is Y/n today, say hi Y/n." He continued

"Hello." Y/n answered shortly, smiling into the camera.

"As I said, if my opponent fails to find my lie, I get to spray her with water, but if she succesfully finds my lie, I get sprayed by her with water."

"I think I put on the wrong clothes for this." Y/n stated, looking down at her outfit, which was a knitted sweater with some grey baggy jeans.

"Atleast you look cute!" Courtney added, making Y/n and Shayne chuckle.

Amanda coughed, glaring at the pair in front of her.

"Oh, right! This is our three watchers. Courtney, Amanda and Angela." Shayne introduced the three women, making them mutter things with annoyance.

"I'm so happy to have gathered boygenius with us today." Y/n joked, making the whole studio laugh at her joke.

"Anyway, would you like to go first?" Shayne asked Y/n who nodded, clearing her throat dramatically.

"Here are my statements. First one. I have been in a relationship with Jeanette McCurdy for an event." Y/n began, making Amanda chuckle a short laugh at the first statement.

"I have kissed Tom Cruise, on the mouth." Shayne's eyes widened at this, not at all ready for this.

"I was in a marching band in Japan when I was fifteen." Y/n said her last statement with a small smile while Shayne stared at Y/n mysteriously, trying to figure out which one is the truth.

"Okay, first statement. When and where was it?" Shayne asked as Y/n put her card down.

"It was at an event, some Nickelodeon event. I don't remember the year but I remember we were talking and I asked if for a joke we should fake a relationship for the whole event and she agreed. Really nice person she is!" Y/n explained while keeping a straight face.

Shayne nodded.

"And the next one? That seems like such a lie but if it's not I'm so jealous of you." He joked, making the trio beside him chuckle.

"Okay, so I got booked into an actual move not too long ago, no clue who was my love interest or anything, but when I arrived to the "love" scenes, there Tom Cruise was. I think it was about seven years ago or so."

The studio was quiet, everyone actually intrigued to hear the whole story, even the trio sat quietly.

"Wow, and do you remember the kiss?" Shayne sarcastically asked, but he actually wanted to know.

"I do, it was a great kiss. I was a nervous wreck but he was so calm and collected and just a nice co-worker to work with." Y/n answered with a soft smile on her face.

"And the third one?"

"As many of you know, I've lived in Japan with my family for a part of my life. And some of you know I also play the clarinet, well played, and I wanted to play it in a marching band so I joined one." Y/n explained, quite easily.

"I think I know the lie." Shayne said quickly with a smirk while Y/n only sat with a soft smile on her face.

"It's the second one, the Tom Cruise one." He continued and Y/n sighed, looking down at the table.

But she quickly grabbed the water gun and sprayed Shayne in the chest with the ice cold water.

"WHAT!?!?!?" Angela shouted while Shayne sat in shock.

"You've actually kissed Tom Cruise?" He asked, eyes wide as he laughed in just pure shock.

"I have! It was some movie, I don't remember but I was the love-interest." Y/n chuckled while putting her gun down, letting it lean against the table.

"Wait so which one was the lie?" Shayne asked, making Y/n smile.

"The marching band one. I moved to Japan when I was fifteen but joined the marching band when I was eightteen because they had an age restriction." Y/n told the group who all made 'aah' noises as an understanding.

"Alright, so my turn. I have eaten a whole tarantula on camera. I have eaten a bull penis on camera. I have eaten surströmming on camera." Shayne said quickly.

"Okay, I know one of these 100%. You did eat a tarantula. It was on Mythical Kitchen. I was there with you but I chickened out and never ate the spider but you did." Y/n thought outloud, looking directly into Shayne's eyes.

Shayne chuckled and smiled, knowing that Y/n was right with that, they both were there.

"Ah, shit. I wasn't on the filming day of the surströmming. I remember it was you and Noah and his two brothers. Shit." Y/n muttered and sighed.

"I think the bull penis one is the lie. You must've eaten some piece of surströmming that day, your fingers smelt like shit after that I remember that." She claimed, making Shayne laugh.

"Are you sure?" Shayne checked with her and she nodded.

"I'm sorry Y/n, but you are very wrong-"

"Shit! No- No please, spare me!" Y/n began shouting as she watched Shayne pull the gun up from his side.

"LET ME TAKE OFF MY SWEATER FIRST PLEASE!" She continued yelling as everyone else laughed their asses off at her reaction.

Shayne let her take her sweater off and so she did.

Y/n unclipped her mic and pulled her sweater off, her t-shirt slightly following with but with the help of Courtney who held the shirt down, she threw the sweater away to the side.

While all of this was happening, Shayne felt his ears turn slightly pink at the sight of Y/n's stomach and a small part of her ribcage.

What was going on with him? He thought, blinking his quiet suggestive thoughts away.

"Okay, I'm ready." Y/n said, now only in a tanktop.

Shayne chuckled and slowly pumped the water gun, making Y/n nervous.

"Shayne! Just do i-" Y/n got interrupted by Shayne shooting water against her stomach, making Y/n jerk in shock.

The studio began laughing in the scene that just happened.

"OW! MY SIX-PACK!" Y/n joked, making the studio continue laughing, even Shayne laughed, his eyes closed as he did.

The studio calmed down and Y/n and Shayne continued the game, Shayne absolutely failing the game, getting completely drenched in water.

After a shot of water was shot against Shayne, Angela began joking about something, distracting the studio and audience of what happened anywhere else.

Y/n took the chance to look at Shayne who focused on Angela.

He had a big part of his t-shirt completely soaked, and Y/n kinda thanked herself for that, because now she could see Shayne's chest.

Her eyes drifted down a little before looking back up, but now on Angela who was still talking about who know's what.

Now it was Shayne's turn to look at Y/n, her tanktop had only gotten a little soaked, only showing some parts of her bra underneath.

Shayne had to control his breathing, his hands tightly knitted together underneath the tablecloth as he felt his ears turn pink again. He had felt Y/n's stare, he wasn't gullible, and damn did it make him feel good.

They continued the game after Angela's rant and finally it ended, ending with Y/n winning quite naturally.

The cameras turned off and the pair of them walked up to the sound manager who they handed their microphones to before walking out from the studio.

"That was fun, really." Y/n began, smiling softly at Shayne who chuckled, looking down at himself.

"Yeah, sure, maybe for you." He sighed dramatically, making Y/n grin while pushing Shayne's shoulder jokingly.

"Oh, shit, I forgot my sweater. Let me go get it." Y/n remembered, running back into the studio and getting the sweater.

As she picked up her sweater, Courtney walked up to her with a small smile.

"I saw you looking at him." She blurted out, making Y/n look up at her with slight wide eyes.

"I-"

"And he was looking at you too, y'know." Courtney said while smirking as she watched Y/n's cheeks turn slightly pink.

"Okay, fine. I was looking at him, he looked hot okay." Y/n sighed, confessing to Courtney who chuckled.

"Don't tell me that, tell it to him." She said while nodding to someone behind Y/n, who turned around to see Shayne stand there with slightly tinted ears.

"Oh-" Y/n said before trying to stutter something about how she did think like that and that it was okay if he didn't feel the same.

"Y/n, would you like to go out with me?" Shayne interrupted her rambling, making her stop in her tracks.

"What?" She asked, flabbergasted.

"Would you like to go out with me?" Shayne asked again, now with a smile on his face.

"Ye-Yeah, that'd be nice." Y/n said, now also with a grin on her face as she watched Shayne nod and walk away.

"Finally! I've waited for that since you both started working here." Courtney groaned, walking away from Y/n who stood there, excitement filling her entire body.

[fedorah-the-explorah]

will you pleeease write player and carmen being goofy :3

Oh, absolutely.

It was three in the morning when someone saw fit to snap off his window lock and show herself in to his apartment, and Player hardly bat an eye because he had long since learned that her breaking into his apartment was how she showed her affection. It wasn't so terrifying after the third or fourth time, and after the fifth time, it was even endearing!

"Hey, Red," He called from his computer, "What brings you?"

He had a bit going on right now. There was work to do for some clients, and he was also busy tracking the movements of their good friend Paper Star--former VILE operative and all around menace to society--but he always had time to spare for her.

Carmen pulled herself the rest of the way in through the window then turned to slide it shut. From over her shoulder she called: "This is a wellness check!"

"Cool." Said Player, not quite paying attention. He was having some trouble trying to hack into a CCTV camera in Atlanta, so it took him a few minutes to process what she had said.

"Wait, what?"

It was too late. Carmen was upon him now, and she was a woman on a mission. She grabbed the back of his chair, pulled him away from his desk, and spun him around to face her. She pointed a spray bottle in his face and said: "Quick! When was the last time you slept?"

Player sucked in through his teeth. "Uh..."

She shook the spray bottle. "If you have to think about it, you're wrong."

"Uh..." Player said, still stalling, "Um. Three?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Three what?"

"Well..."

"Three this afternoon? Three hours ago?"

"Okay, look--"

"Player, I swear on my hat, if you tell me it was three days ago..."

He grinned sheepishly and shrugged. He hoped if he looked apologetic, she might take mercy on him, but alas, he was a fool. She pressed rapidly on the trigger, spritzing him like he was nothing more than a misbehaving cat.

"Bad! Bad hacker, bad!"

"Stop! Stop! I can explain!"

She quirked an eyebrow, lowering the water bottle. She gestured with her hand for him to go on, and tapped her foot impatiently.

"I'm listening."

"Okay, look. I was going to sleep, and then I didn't, and it was an honest mistake, and you'll forgive me because I'm your best friend and everyone deserves a second chance."

"No."

"Extenuating circumstances?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Um..." He spun idly in his chair, wracking his brain for something he could say to get out of this. "When... When was the last time you slept?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That's irrelevant."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not!"

Carmen scowled. "Do you want me to call your mother?"

He laughed. "You can try, but I blocked your number on her phone like weeks ago. You can't outsmart me, Red."

She crossed her arms, glaring at him. Player hummed, feeling rather triumphant, and turned back to his monitors. It was his god given right to be a workaholic, and there was nothing she could do to stop him.

"...How much would you say you weigh?"

Player froze, fingers hovering above the keyboard.

"...Are you about to drug me?"

Carmen scoffed. "No, I would never do that. I'm just trying to figure out how much strength I need to use to do this."

She grabbed him by the shirt at both shoulders and pulled him backwards over his chair.

"Woah!"

She looked down at him and grinned. "This takes me back, buddy. You know, I did this to Gray once."

He winced at the comparison. "That's the worst possible thing you could say to me right now."

"Go to bed. Now."

He crossed his arms, still upside down.

"I'm busy, Red."

She rolled her eyes. She went to pick him up, but he slipped from her grasp like water. Now he was lying face down on the floor, protesting. She went to try again and he went limp.

"Do not go boneless on me, Player!"

She grabbed him by the arm and pulled. "You are being so immature right now."

He smirked into the floor. He wasn't having a great time right now, but it was nice to know she wasn't either.

She dragged him to his bed and nudged him with her foot, prompting him to roll over. She pointed to the bed and said, "Go to sleep or I'm selling your PC on eBay."

He frowned. "Hey, the oughties called. They want their store back."

"The nineties called, they want their joke back."

He sighed, getting up off the floor. He sat on his bed and looked at her. Noticing the bags under her eyes, he hummed.

"You know, you never answered my question. When was the last time you slept? You and I both know we have twin sleeping habits."

(Twin sleeping habits meaning they were both horrifically terrible at taking care of themselves.)

"This isn't about--"

"--I'll go to sleep if you go to sleep."

She peered skeptically at him, lips pursed.

"...Alright, deal. But I'm sleeping in your bed and stealing your blankets. Is that okay with you?"

He shrugged. "Sure, Red. Whatever."

He yawned, scooting over to give her some space. "Just try not to start sleep boxing."

She groused, making good on her promise and hogging his blankets. He didn't really mind, he was one of those freaks who slept on top of their comforter.

"That was one time," She muttered, "When are you guys gonna let me live that down?"

"Mm. Probably never."

She groaned. "You're the worst, you know that?"

He hummed, reaching over to flick his lamp off.

"Mhm. Good night, Carmen."

Carmen sighed contently.

"Good night, Player."

[darkforestpetalkit]

A small scene from my Petalkit AU, StarClan's Fallen.

Fair warning this is VERY grief heavy. As noted above this chapter will contain:

Animal death, Parental death, Grief, Trauma, Child distress, Survivor’s Guilt, Blood/Injury

**To Kat ~ Our sister link will never die**

I'm Still Here

Petalkit's legs were stiff, her paws feeling as though she were rooted to the cold earth beneath her. She had to will herself to remember to move, her breath hitching as she drew closer to her mother's motionless body.

Mama must be sleeping. That’s all.

Her mouth felt dry, struggling to form words as if she had forgotten how to speak. Her small voice creaked like dry bones grinding against each other.

"Ma..."  she rasped, breath shaking. "Mama?"

Mapleshade didn't respond.

Petalkit's heart pounded hard, tiny claws flexing against the cold ground.

She's just sleeping...right? 

"Mama...I'm here!"

Nothing. 

"Mama!" 

Why can't you hear me?

She dared herself to move closer, her little frame starting to tremble in panic. Her heartbeat roared in her ears, thundering so loud it drowned out the entire world. Closer and closer she padded over until her heaving breath was the only thing stirring Mapleshade’s fur. For a moment she just stared, blinking, nostrils flaring and wondering when she would wake up.  

Then, slowly and tentatively she sniffed, pressing her nose to Mapleshade's 

Her mother's scent was still there, but it was twisted with something bitter and wrong, something that made Petalkit's belly flip over uncomfortably. Why did she smell so different? Why wasn't there any milky scent or the familiar traces of her brothers? 

The ground swayed and felt unsteady under her paws. 

This is wrong. This is all wrong!

What was all that dark sticky stuff on her mother's pelt? It stained Mapleshade’s pelt with a deep, crimson color that Petalkit couldn't recognize. It clung to her mother's once white fur like mud baked in the sun and reeked with something sharp and raw that Petalkit did not like. Her claws slid out and gripped the earth trying to ground herself. She wasn't in the water anymore but she still felt like she was going to be pulled under at any moment. 

Petalkit's eyes traced over where that strange, but strangely familiar color cascaded down her mother's shoulder and pooled under Mapleshade’s body. She didn't realize she had been standing in it, her paws now dirty with it.

Suddenly Petalkit remembered the cuts in her torn paw pads and glanced at her own wound. It seemed to have crusted and darkened too. She recalled how her mother's face had bled from Frecklewish's vicious attack, but that color was much brighter and wet. She shuddered at the memory of the scarlet drops spraying her face when she witnessed her mother's assault. When Frecklewish....

Did that really happen? 

It doesn't matter. Now she had to help her mother!

"You're hurt!" She exclaimed, her eyes sweeping up and down the trail of what she now recognized as blood. Blood showed up whenever there was a hurt. Just like her paw pad.

"I...don't worry mama I'll," she squeaked frantically looking around. "I'll find something!" 

Images of cobwebs wrapped around Ravenwing's foreleg flashed in her mind. 

That's what he used to help cats who got hurt! Moss too, she recalled, like the one I tore up! Nodding vigorously but nervously to herself. She could look for those! She could do that!

The few times the medicine cat had visited the nursery, he would tell her about the various herbs he'd use. Oh how she wished she remembered better! He had always been willing to indulge her curiosity, answering questions with a warmth and fondness in his blue eyes. His whiskers twitching in amusement when she had taken a piece of cobweb and promptly complained about it being too sticky.

Ravenwing's eyes appeared in her mind again, only this time there was an icy coldness in them. Glaring with thinly veiled hatred. 

He liked me before. Why did he have to change his mind? Mama said it's because I'm half Riverclan. But, why did it matter? She was still Petalkit! Her claws dug in anger and frustration. 

Did Ravenwing and Frecklewish really do what she thought they did—or worse, what they didn't do? She had managed to grip onto the rocky, but slippery edge of the rushing river and reached for them in desperation.

Petalkit felt her neck fur bristle a little. 

Their eyes had burned with malice when she cried out to them, sputtering the water filling her mouth and nose as she was dragged under again. Larchkit's body tearing past her, battered and swallowed by the hungry current.

Did that really, really happen?

Petalkit shook her head. She could figure that out later! Now her mother needed her! Maybe she was just really, really hurt and needed to sleep a long time.

"It's okay mama, I'll look after you!" She promised anxiously. "Just don't go anywhere, I'll be back and make things okay again, I promise!"

Like you promised Patchkit? A voice in her head snapped back.

Liar!

Petalkit stiffened, breath caught in her throat. 

She didn't lie! 

"Stay here mama!" Petalkit mewed before spinning around and bolted towards the foliage to begin her frantic search. 

                                                    ******

She didn't know how long she had been searching. Dazed and her paws feeling numb, she foraged through the tall grass and wriggling through the underbushes. She felt cold and hunger gnawed at her, yet she didn't care. Petalkit scoured every undergrowth and crevice of loose tree roots. Sniffing without really knowing what to look for other than relying on instincts. Her body seemed to move on its own, her mind blank and foggy. She didn't feel present, her paws doing most of the work and carrying her around. 

Her jaws ached and tasted dirt, and only now did she notice an earthy, damp scent hitting her nose. Slowly she realized she had been carrying moss between her teeth with cobweb clumsily wrapped around her foreleg.

She didn't remember how and when she found what she needed, but with renewed urgency she tumbled back towards her mother.

Mapleshade was exactly where she left her. Not a single whisker had changed.

I'm back mama! 

Petalkit raced towards her mother and promptly tried pressing moss against where she thought it needed to go. Awkwardly climbing up Mapleshade’s shoulders she fumbled with the cobweb anxiously. The crimson that matted her mother's fur was now black and smelled  like rotten leaves. She furiously swiped at the flies that dared to gather around her mother's crusted fur. 

Back off!

"Mama, I'm here now." She whispered small paws pushing the cobwebs against the deep gash behind Mapleshade’s neck where the fur was matted the most. 

"There, do you feel better now?" 

No response.

Her throat tightened and her heart raced.

This had to be a dream.

"Mama, come on, wake up!" She begged, now pawing at the back of Mapleshade's head. 

"Why aren't you listening to me??" Her voice became shrill with rising panic. She stumbled down her mother's body to desperately press her nose to Mapleshade's.

It was cold to the touch. Too cold. 

Petalkit gasped, stumbling back as if she had been struck. That's not what it's supposed to feel like!

A dream. This was a dream. Her mother would have been curling her tail around her by now. She took a nervous glance at Mapleshade's hindquarters where her mother's tail remained still and dull. 

Her mouth was dry and it felt like shattered bones were painfully stuck in her throat.

This is wrong! This is all wrong!

"Wake up!" Petalkit thrust her nose hard against Mapleshade's. It merely rocked slightly from Petalkits hopeless efforts. She shoved again, harder this time. Then again and again.

"Mama!" She wailed, nearly ramming herself against Mapleshade's face, using her paws to shake Mapleshade awake.

"Please! Wake up I'm scared! I'm really, really scared!" 

Her cries remained unanswered. The only response she received were the mockingly calm rustle of leaves and the faint buzz of insects.

Petalkit's chest was heaving, her breaths spilling out ragged and shallow. Her chest felt like it would explode!

"You can't be dead!" She shrieked, voice breaking like thin ice splintering beneath heavy pawsteps. 

"I'm still here! Mama come back! I'm still here! Why are you leaving me?" She screwed her burning eyes shut, her lungs on fire and her claws snagging Mapleshade's long cheek fur. She made a choking sound, her small body quaking with tearless sobs.

"I hate you!" 

The words ripped free from her mouth before she could even comprehend them. Her paw had moved on its own, claws lashing across Mapleshade's face before she could stop herself. The raw, searing words horrifying Petalkit as soon as they reached her ears.

For a moment the world shrank with a deafening silence. Her shuddering breaths and the pounding in her ears were the only things she could hear. She shrank back shocked, ears flattening in fear.

"Mama, I—I didn't mean it!" Her breathing became high pitched and rattling. 

Her claws digging into the ground as if terrified her words had destroyed any hope of her mother returning.

"Please come back!" She whimpered, hastily licking at where her claws raked Mapleshade's cheek. "Please don't go away! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" 

This can't be real.

This HAS to be a dream.

What other explanation was there!?

Petalkit trembled, eyes stinging with scorching heat yet her tears felt trapped. She wanted to cry and bawl her eyes out, but for some reason she couldn't. Everything was wrong. Nothing made sense. She felt a numbness wash over her making her brain foggy and dizzy.

This was all just proof she's dreaming. If this were real she'd cry obviously! 

Distraught, she shakily crawled towards her mother's belly and burrowed herself into the thick fur wanting to disappear. She nuzzled into the patches of white fur that were not heavily matted and sticky with dried blood. Maybe if she went to sleep, she would wake up back in the nursery, nestled in her mossy nest, surrounded by the comforting sound of her brother's suckling milk.

"I'm sorry," she whispered so faintly that she couldn’t tell if she had spoken out loud or if it was only a thought. 

Curling into a tight, shivering ball, Petalkit pressed herself closer to her mother’s motionless body, in desperate search for any trace of warmth to soothe her. She longed for the gentle rasp of her mother’s tongue between her ears and bathed in the familiar scents of the nursery—her brothers, warm milk, and Mapleshade’s comforting scent.

This is my fault, isn't it? She thought in bitter despair. She wasn't strong enough or brave enough to protect her brothers. She was too weak and pathetic. Clenching her jaw, Petalkit couldn't help but wonder if she had drowned instead, would Patchkit, Larchkit and her mother still be alive?

Her small, dirty paws kneaded at her mother's belly out of habit, clinging to her tighter.

She could still see Patchkit's eyes wide with terror. She didn't mean to lie when she promised he would be okay. She really hoped and thought they would, and she would be the one pulling her brother out of the water. 

"We'll be okay..." she murmured to herself. 

Liar, growled a voice in her head.

Petalkit's ears twitched and she flexed her claws.

You were supposed to look after Patchkit. The voice hissed again, dripping with contempt.

Her ears drooped, eyes heavy with exhaustion and squeezing shut.

"I know...," she told herself, her thoughts fading as she slowly succumbed to the beckoning call of sleep

She was a liar and completely alone. 

And it was all her fault.

[sonic-takeover]

Bad egg! Bad! *Sprays Eggman with water* At least ask your little girl if anything's wrong! Maybe offer to play a game with her or something? She's sad and lonely and you're too busy kidnapping other kids and flirting with your assistant to give her the attention she needs and deserves!

AAH, hey!! Rude!! Watch the 'stache! *He makes sure his moustache is as styled as it should be, which... Is it styled..? Ever..? He seems to think so. Once he's satisfied with the status of his moustache, he huffs, shaking his head* I don't see why you're so worried about Sage. She's an ai, she can create her own fun. She doesn't need me.

*Sage looks up at him from where she's hovering at his shoulder. She reaches out one of her little hands, then pulls it back again, changing her mind about speaking up*

*Eggman noticed that. He pauses* ... Though you know... I suppose playing a game would be a good exercise for her problem solving ai...

*She looks up at him, her one visible eye widening* .. a game..?

Yes. But since we're on the road, our options are pretty limited. Hm. *He thinks while Sage goes quiet, seeming to believe the prospect of bonding is gone again* ... You know... You have seemed a little... Preoccupied lately. Wanna tell me what's going on?

*she looks back up at him, one hand covering her mouth to hide the forming smile* .... Yes. I... would enjoy sharing emotional conversation with you.. very much.

Okay, shoot. I'm not the best at consoling people, but.. why not. There's nothing else here to do.

*she nods and fiddles with her hands* ... I... Have several emotions at once. And several loyalties. The first, to you, father. You are my creator and my role model. You and the robots you have created are my immediate family. Second, to Sonic and his friends. They saved us and Sonic showed me what it means to be a friend... To build your family rather than be born into it. Is... It wrong to feel loyalty to both parties? *She looks up at him*

*Eggman tries not to grimace, disliking what he's about to say but knowing it's the right thing* ....no, it isn't wrong. I don't like it, but who you trust is up to you, Sage. Sonic is... A powerful ally to have. I'll put it that way.

*Sage smiles and nods* Yes.

[potatoqueenpal]

Yall I'm SO SORRY for dipping on you I have no ideas and I'm still fighting to get my avior fic back.

Have filler till I think of more angst

I present to you: Shaw Pack and Mates: Incorrect quotes

Sam, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Sweetheart : Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Baabe: I personally was created in a lab.

Angel: I just straight up spawned.

Sam: We call that a traumatic experience.

Sam, turning to Baabe: Not a "bruh moment".

Sam, turning to Angel: Not "sadge".

Sam, turning to Sweetheart : And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

Asher: Knock, knock.

Baabe: Who's there?

Asher: Boo!

Baabe: Boo who?

Asher: Why are you crying?

Baabe: I'm not crying.

Asher: Hello notcrying, I'm Asher.

Milo: Angel, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Angel: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Milo: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

David: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.

Milo: I photosynthesize with this.

Sweetheart: I’m this close to falling in love with Milo.

Asher: Your fingertips are touching.

Sweetheart: Exactly.

Asher, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.

Sweetheart : I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...

Baabe, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?

Asher, spraying Sweetheart : You FUCKING DUMBASS!

Sweetheart : Dude, I forgot-

Asher: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?

Sam: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

Asher: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

David, turning to Darlin': How tall are you?

Angel: Sam said its my turn with the brain cell.

Asher: Square up.

Sam: And what do we say when someone refuses your offer?

Sweetheart : Suck it, boomer!

Sam: I don't know who "Boomer" is, but no.

Asher: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

Baabe: I think my guardian angel drinks.

David: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Milo: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Asher: I got distracted halfway through.

Darlin': Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Asher: Consider the fundraising over! Your hero has arrived!

Sam: Uhh… where did you get so much money from, Asher?

Asher: Well, you know, I’m pretty good at numbers. I just crunched them, I stretched them, I analyzed my accounts, I timed the market-

*police sirens start to wail in the background*

Sam: DID YOU ROB A BANK?!

Asher: Oh, come on, Sam, do you really think so little of me? *opens the bag as purple dye explodes on their face*

Sam:

Asher: …it was a credit union.

Angel: Tell them to eat shit, David.

David: Tell them yourself.

Angel: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse.

Milo, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Darlin': Yeah, sure.

*A few minutes later*

Darlin': Here you go.

Milo:

Darlin':

Baabe: Why am I here?

Angel: Guess what I'm about to get!

David: On my nerves.

Sweetheart : That's a nice arguement, Milo Why don't you back it up with a source?

Milo: My source is that I made it the fuck up!

Sam: Aww, what's your cat's name?

Milo: Aggro.

Sam, yelling to Baabe: TRY AGGRO!

Baabe, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!

Milo:

Sam: What's your favorite number?

Angel: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.

*Everyone stares at Angel*

Angel: I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

Angel: I've connected the two dots.

David: You didn't connect shit.

Angel: I've connected them.

And now, wholesome (amd flirty) ship incoreect quotes:

｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･

David : Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Angel: It was autocorrect.

David : Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Angel: Yes.

Angel: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

David : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Angel: I said within reason, David . How about I murder that guy?

David : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Angel: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Angel: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

David : I have a gun on that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Angel: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

David : Nope, there's 26.

Angel: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

David : Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Angel: So give me the D.

Angel: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?

David : ...Have you never taken a shower before?

David, sweating: Angel, there’s something I need to ask you-

Angel: Finally! You’re proposing!

David: How’d you know?

Angel: David, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Angel: I even picked it up once.

David: I want to kiss you.

Angel, not paying attention: What?

David: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Baabe: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Asher: Wow. They sound stupid.

Baabe: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Asher: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Baabe: I guess you’re right. Hey Asher, I love you.

Asher: See! Just say that!

Baabe: Holy fucking shit.

Asher: If that flies over their head then, sorry Baabe, but they're too dumb for you.

Baabe: Asher.

Baabe: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.

Asher: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?

Baabe: Seize the dick.

Asher: We have a problem.

Baabe: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Baabe: I'm trash.

Asher: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Baabe:

Baabe: You smooth motherfucker.

Baabe: And yes it does.

Asher: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Baabe: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Asher: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Baabe: I wrote you a poem.

Asher, already crying: You did?

Milo: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.

Sweetheart : If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Milo: I fell—

Sweetheart : From heaven?

Milo: No, I literally fell—

Sweetheart : In love with me the moment you saw me?

Milo: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Sweetheart : Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Milo: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Sweetheart : AS ENEMIES?!

Milo:

Milo walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Sweetheart , I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Sweetheart , sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

Sweetheart : I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Milo: That's great, Sweetheart . Especially considering the fact we've been together for 6 fucking years.

Sweetheart : I’m in love with you.

Milo: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Sweetheart : I know.

Milo: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Sweetheart: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it.

Milo: What- how?

Sweetheart: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Milo: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Sweetheart is? Because Sweetheart is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Sam: The stars are so beautiful...

Darlin': They're just giant balls of gas.

Sam: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

Darlin': And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Sam: Oh...

Darlin': Wow, Sam, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Sam: We literally slept together yesterday.

Darlin': That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Sam: I love you.

Darlin', not paying attention: What was that?

Sam: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Darlin': Well, Sam and I finally did it!

The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Darlin': That's right... We kissed!

Darlin': What are you in the mood for?

Sam: World domination.

Darlin': That's a bit ambitious.

Sam: You are my world.

Darlin': Aww...

Sam:

Darlin':

Sam:

Darlin': OH.

Darlin': I have feelings for you.

Sam: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Waiter: What would you like?

Darlin': Bring a milkshake with two straws.

Sam: *blushes*

Darlin': *puts both straws in their mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

Darlin': You got a date yet Sam?

Sam: No...

Darlin': Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Darlin': Are we fighting or flirting?

Sam: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

Darlin': Your point?

Darlin': I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Sam: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Darlin': O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Sam: Is it working?

Sam: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Darlin': …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Sam: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Darlin': Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Darlin': Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Sam: Marry me.

Darlin': This date is boring!

Sam: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Darlin': Then why did you invite me?

Sam: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sam I'll do whatever I want!

(This is long as fuuuuck and took me a good hour, but it was fun)