#tbh im really scared that people will think i did a bad job

[bmpmp3]

i do wish i was better at communicating with people online and through technology. i wander into conversations and make new ones all the time irl with random people and its fun but im like hyping myself to type out a single response to a Post. and to say nothing of how difficult it is to get me to say something in a discord server

[reidmania]

STILL | spencer reid

summary ; loosing based off still by niall horan. You and spencer broke up and when you see him at a bar a month later everything comes back.

warnings; this is long pure angst with a (?) happy (?) hopeful ending. imma say female reader because there so many little things that indicate that. hella miscommunication, arguing, drinking, jealous spencer, i think its a happy ending idk tbh, let me know if i missed anything

a/n ; this is 4k words. i did not intend that at all, i honestly got so insanely carried away. im so sorry.

You regretted everything, in this moment more than any other. You didn't know how you were possibly stupid enough to be dragged into going out tonight. When your coworkers approached you with the idea of going out for drinks after work as a way to celebrate your promotion, you shouldn't of let yourself get sucked in. It took some convincing till you eventually gave in, but you did -- give in.

Going home to change may not have been the best idea, since it gave you enough time to realise what you were doing and how much you really didn't want to go but you knew your coworkers wouldn't accept your cancelation. So instead you made yourself look presentable, good even.

Things had been difficult to say the least over the last month, while things at work were great, mentally everything was horribly. It had been a month since you and Spencer broke up. A month since the last time the two of you talked.

He had called a few times, but you could never bring yourself to answer despite how badly you wanted to talk to him, some night you would spend hours unable to sleep, staring at his contact, although you never went through will calling him, too scared he wouldn't answer.

Once dressed you left, calling an uber because you knew it was a bad idea to even take your car -- the whole point was to drink, and you would need to drink. As much as you loved your coworkers, you could only handle so much social interaction without liquor in your system.

Arriving, you noticed the group of your coworkers waiting for you outside. You pushed a smile to your lips as you approached them. You had many coworkers of course, but you had your bunch who you worked with closely, the ones here with you now.

Elise was your work best friend, you and her worked side by side everyday. She was the one who convinced you to come out. Ethan was another one who you worked with closely, but weren't nearly as close with. Frank was older, he was almost like the father of your job, and then there was Chelsea who was literally franks daughter, she was nice, easy to get along with.

"Theres they are!!" Elise said excitedly, you appreciated the way they all dressed up. You were met with a bundle of flowers, being held out by Ethan. "We got you these, as a congrats present" He smile.

You're entire face warmed as your chest did too. You were lucky to be surrounded by a group of people who cared as much as they did. "Aw, Thank you guys." You smiled widely as you took the flowers, not knowing what you were going to do with them inside the bar -- but you figured you'd worry about that later.

You followed them inside the bar, instantly finding a table. Everything sunk into place, everyone talking and chatty after ordering drinks and a round of shots, -- it was great.

But there was something missing.

You tried not to think about it as you swirled your straw around your glass, filled with alcohol. "You look bored" You turned your head to face Elise. You pushed a soft chuckle pass your lips, shaking your head.

"Im not bored" You denied, because you weren't. You were just waiting and hoping that the pit of empitiness in your stomach would disapear so you could enjoy yourself. She frowned, "Come on, Lets go get shots" She said, offering her hand which you took gracefully.

As you walked over to the table where your coworkers were sitting at to find out if they also wanted another round of shots or not, Elise grew sidetracked, helping Chelsea out with the zipper of her dress that was breaking.

"Ill come with you" Ethan opted, making you smile gratefully as you thanked him. The two of you wandered through the bar, through the crowd of people before you finally reached the bar.

You and ethan made small talk as you waited for the bartender. When he finally came, Ethan ordered. A round of tequila shots. The bartender nodded, it was busy -- so he was doing everything fast. "I am not drinking tequila!!" You gasped as you looked at Ethan.

"Yeah you are" He smiled back.

The smile stayed on your face, "Tequila makes me sad" You said honestly. He pouted dramatically, although you can tell it was sarcastic. "Well we cant have that" He sighed just as dramatically, "I promise if you do get sad, we will make sure to cheer you up"

You smiled but couldn't help but doubt his words -- you knew what you'd get sad about, and you weren't sure anything he did would cheer you up from a sadness like that. The one you could feel in your whole body, every movement.

"Important night?" The bartender asked, as he poured the shots. You went to deny it, not wanting the attention but Ethan spoke before you could. "Yep" He said popping the P, "Pretty girl here got a promotion" He said, squeezing your shoulder softly.

You forced out a chuckle as the bartender congratulated you. Pretty girl was the nickname your coworkers had given you -- it was teasing at first and it started from Elise, but it kind of just stuck.

You got your shots and walked back through the bar holding the tray carefully, as you returned to the table you immediantly got a bad feeling in your stomach, something was off, something was wrong. You could see it in Elise's face as she looked at you.

"What?" You chuckled, furrowing your eyebrows as you placed the tray down on the table. She looked almost guilty, as she shook her head, brushing it off. "Nothing" She said, reaching out for a shot.

Your concern and confusion only grew. "What?" You asked again, there was obviously something wrong. You noticed Chelsea looking in a certain direction, the same direction Elise's eyes kept drifting over to.

Your eyebrows furrowed deeper as you turned your head to look in the direction they were, despite Elise' protests. You almost wish you listened. You felt your entire heart sink.

Your breath got caught in your throat as you locked eyes with him -- Spencer Reid. He was already looking at you when you turned your head. You stomach dropped so far you swore you could feel in in your pinky toe.

You heard your name, but you could hardly pull your eyes away from him. He looked good. So good it made your head spin in a million different directions at once. Hearing your name again you finally pulled your eyes away from his, turning your head to face Elise who had concern lacing her features.

"Oh- Gosh- Are you okay?" She rushed.

You felt like your chest had been stepped on. You didn't say anything, instead reaching for the shot glass that remained, and downing it instantly. "I need to get drunk." You muttered.

"Whos that?" Ethan asked, he wasn't quite as caught up in your love life as Elise and Chelsea were. Chelsea scoffed. "Her ex, He is an ass" She said, Elise was quick to nod in agreement. Frank stood minding his own business, but you knew he was listening, he was always listening.

"He's not" You defened, because he wasn't. If there was an ass in the breakup, it was you. You weren't sure what sucked more.

Before Chelsea or Elise could say anything you spoke first, "Can we go get more drinks-- and move closer to the bar, I think ill be going there a lot" You muttered, grabbing the boquet of flowers you had been given.

Everyone was quick to agree, taking their stuff before finding an empty table closer to the bar.

You did exactly as you thought you would -- 4 drinks later, you were a lot mor tipsy but nothing seemed to take the pressure off your chest or cool the heat that Spencer eyes left on you everytime you looked over to see him already looking.

When everyone was engrossed in coversation you excused yourself to the bar, feeling the need for another drink or ten. When you literally asked for the most alcoholic drink possible, the bartender laughed but agreed.

"Congraulations" You swore your heart dropped at the voice. Your hands froze in place and you could feel the sweat building on the back of your neck. You turned your head, finally facing him.

Your eyes ran over his features -- his hair had grown out, it looked good. You wanted to tell him that but you couldn't. "H-How do you.." You wondered how he knew about your promotion, you were sure it hadn't been posted anywhere.

He rolled his eyes, nudging his head towards the table where your coworkers sat, you turned you head to look at them, noticing Ethan's and Elise's eyes on you and Spencer. "Your boyfriend isn't exactly quiet." He muttered, there was something spiteful about the way he spoke.

You whipped your head around to face Spencer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, before the realistion dawned on you -- He had heard Ethan tell the bartender about your promotion earlier. "He isn't my boyfriend--Why do you even care." You huffed.

Spencer scoffed quietly, "Yeah Im sure, The flowers and 'pretty girl' really prove that" His tone was laced with jealously. He was jealous. You shook your head as you pulled your eyes away from his face. "It's been a month" He muttered, quieter.

You frowned at the mention at how long it had been since the two of you broke up. "I am well aware of how long its been" You held back from calling him Spence, it was like muscle memory. "The flowers were from all of them" You defended, although there was no reason you needed to defend nor explain yourself to him. "And pretty girl- its a joke-- they all call me that." You muttered.

"I called you that."

His tone still held so much jealously but sounded so much sadder. It made your stomach clench on nothing but the alcohol you had consumed, you turned your head to face him before looking away again, unable to handle the way his expression pulled on your heartstrings.

"I know" You said just as quietly.

The bartender handed you your drink with an apology of how long it took -- you hadn't even noticed. Drink now in your hands yet you couldn't find it in yourself to move. You could smell Spencer's cologne and it was consuming your senses and making your mind fog.

Spencer ordered his own drink after the bartender asked, before he turned to look at you again. "I called." He said.

You wanted to cry-- you wanted to sink into the pit in your stomach and stay there forever. You felt yourself grow dizzy -- he made you dizzy. "I know" You said quietly, scared if you spoke any louder your voice would give out on you. it broke your heart to be standing here next to him, when he had no idea you loved him, when you had no idea if he ever loved you-- let alone if he still did.

He didn't say anything, you assumed it was because he didn't know what to say. He knew you were actively ignoring his calls-- What was there to say to that.

Spencer got handed his drink, he muttered a quiet thanks, but made no movement to leave his place next to you, you didn't either. Neither of you said anything. You felt as if your feet were glued in place -- although you weren't sure if you wanted to move either. It had been a month since you had seen him, and as much as it gutted you to think about, you didn't want to leave yet just incase this really was the last time.

"He isn't my boyfriend, he- he isn't anything more than a friend." You said again, although you didn't look at him, keeping your head down as you sipped your drink through your straw. You didn't need to push so hard for him to understand -- but the last thing you wanted was for Spencer to think you had moved on that quick, it almost offended you that he genuinely believed you did.

He opened his mouth to reply, but felt a hand on his back, cutting him off. He looked behind him to see Derek. "What's taking so long, Reid" He asked, a teasing smile on his face. You looked behind you at the sound of his voice, meeting his eyes his smile fell slightly as he realised what was taking Spencer so long.

"Hi derek" You pushed a smile to his lips - of course Spencer was here with his team, you should've realised that. They probably just got back from a case, which explained Spencer's business attire, but he wore that more often then not anyways.

"Hey!! How are you doing!" He smiled back, opening his arms to hug you gently. It was friendly a simple. You were close with a lot of Spencer's friends and team, being his plus one to everything for months. Penelope had reached out after you and Spencer broke up, but just like with Spencer you couldn't bring yourself to reply.

"Im okay, how are you?" You asked. You could feel Spencer's eyes on your face and it left a burning sensation where his eyes laid as you pulled away from Derek's hug. "Im good! We've missed you around shortcake" It was a nickname, because of a strawberry shortcake shirt you had worn one time when out with Spencer.

You just smiled in response. You missed them too, a lot. They were your friends, and you hated how you lost that and Spencer all at once, but they were his friends first. "I'll leave you guys be." You muttered, forcing a smile to your lips as you avoided Spencer's gaze, pushing off the bar.

Spencer said your name and it made your head spin, it felt so natural falling from his lips, like it belonged there. If you had to pick only one person to say your name for the rest of your life, it would be Spencer.

You kept walking none the less, holding your drink in your hand as you approached the table. You put it down gently as Chelsea and Elise were instantly at your side, asking what happened or if you were okay.

"I think Im going to go home" You muttered as you felt the all familiar tingle in the bridge of your nose, matching the lump in your throat and burn in the back of your eyes. It was too much.

"Do you want me to drive you?" Frank asked, the fatherily instincts coming into play when he noticed the look on your face -- there was no convincing you to stay. You just shook your head, "Im okay, Thank you" You muttered, as you began grabbing your stuff.

"I'll walk you out" Ethan offered, but you were quick to shake your head. You didn't need to look to know Spencer's eyes were on you from across the bar, the last thing you wanted was to only deepen his concern by leaving with Ethan. "I really just want to be alone." You said, pushing a half hearted smile to your lips, he frowned but nodded.

You said your goodbyes before pushing through the people in the bar towards the door. Once outside, it dawned on you how hot you were, the cold air giving your flushed cheeks a cooling sensation. You dragged your hand over your face as you tried to process what had just happened without bursting into tears.

You opened the uber app on your phone, wanting to get home to wallow in every emotion you had been pushing down for the last month. You should've known tonight was going to end badly.

"Theres been over 3,900 cases of sexual assult or physical violence from ubers"

You turned your head to see Spencer standing at the door to the bar, not far from you but not close. The street wasn't busy, it was dark and only lit by the streetlights.

"Thats less than one percent" You muttered, pulling your gaze away from him. "Who said I was getting an uber?" You asked, despite the fact that you were, it baffled you how he seemed to know everything all the time.

"You're alone, I cant see your car anywhere and the app is open on your phone" He said as if it was nothing. He was a profiler for godsake, of course he picked up on the tiniest things.

You sighed, closing your phone you placed it in your bag, "So what?" You asked, crossing your arms over your chest - now that the heat had somewhat worn off the cold air was leaving goosebumps over your arms.

"So, let me drive you home." He said.

Your eyes widened as you turned to look at him, shaking your head. "No. Its fine. I think I can handle less than one percent" You muttered, turning away from him again when the heat began rising to your cheeks again under his gaze.

You could hardly handle standing a foot away from him, you doubted you would be able to last a ten minute drive back to your house in the car next to him, you were sure the tension would suffocate you within seconds.

"Why do you do that" He asked taking a step closer to you. You were already resting with your back against the wall, there was no where for you to back away to even if you wanted to. You furrowed your eyebrows as you met his eyes, he looked sad.

"Do what?" You asked as your voice hitched, the pit in your stomach only deepening the more you looked at him, the closer he got the tighter your chest grew, the more he spoke the more your cheeks heated.

He sighed, "Push me away!" He raised his voice slightly, not in a way of anger but pure frustration. He was so frustrated.

"I don- We broke up Spencer" You reminded.

He rolled his eyes, "I know that. Trust me I know that." He muttered under his breath as he got closer to you. "You did it our entire relationship, pushed me away, held back, and then you broke up with me, why do you do that?" He said, brows furrowed as he genuinely tried to understand.

"You know why we broke up" You muttered quietly.

He threw his arms up in distress. "No- I really don't-" He said, before dragging his hand through his hair, only making it messy. You frowned, shaking your head as you reminded him. "We were both busy -- we hardly saw each other, our heads were in different places" your voice raised to the same level as his

"My head was with you!" He shook his head, "My head was always with you!" He sighed, he wasn't shouting, not really, but it was loud enough to match your level.

Your lips parted but you didn't have anything to say. Your head was spinning at the intensity of the coversation, at him -- so close, his cologne and after shave making your stomach feel sickly.

"I thought-" You ran your hand over your face as tears brimmed your eyes.

"You thought, you didn't ask me-- you just- broke up with me" He was shouting now. You genuinely thought your heart had fallen out of your chest. "You pushed me away, and then left like it meant nothing, like it all meant nothing." His voice was breaking with every word as his voice rasied

"It didn't- i didn't think it meant nothing" You were shouting too, and tears ran down your face -- you were unable to help it, each drop hotter and heavier than the last.

"Just be honest, I just- I just need you to be honest, please" He was on the verge of tears himself, and you hated it. You hated the way his voice was breaking, the way his hand was grabbing his shirt, pressing against his chest as if this conversation was bringing him physical pain-- like it was to you.

"You want me to be honest?" You asked, you were now the one stepping closer to him, you were the one shouting -- not out of anger, but you couldn't better express the way this conversation was all consuming every part of your body, your mind, your stomach, your chest.

"I love you Spencer" Your voice cracked as the words came out, "I love you so much, it hurts. It physically hurts when you are gone, when I was spending everyday worrying you weren't going to come home, I love you so much that I thought me worrying about you was unfair because you love what you do, and I was constantly in the way of that. I love you so much that i thought if i broke up with you, you'd be happier -- I thought the how much I loved you would stop hurting." you were practiclly sobbing, you would have been embarassed if you mind was able to focus on anything other than the boy in front of you.

"It didn't, its actually gotten worse because everyday I wake up and your not there, and I still worry about you just as much -- more, i worry about you more. Everyday I wake up and im completely heartbroken. God everyday I wake up and Im still inlove with you, " You continued on your tangent, "I love you so much Spencer"

You didn't even have time to breath before you felt cold hands on either side of your face and the feeling of his lips on yours, you could taste the alcohol on his lips. It was familiar and safe and warm. Your hands found their way to his face, pulling him in closer to you. The kiss was messy and passionate and everything you had missed so much, it was the sort of kiss that made every thought in your brain disapear, it made your knees feel weak and your toes curl in your way to uncomfortable shoes.

You tried to pull away but his lips chased yours, bring you back into him and you didn't make any movement, only kissing him back until you ran out of air, feeling lightheaded. You stepped out of his grasp as you tried to regain balance.

"Ill teach, its not an issue i've wanted to teach, god ill stop working all together if it means you'll come back" He said out of breath, eyes never leaving yours. You opened your mouth but he cut you off. "I love you, I've loved you since the day that I met you." he was huffing out words as he stepped back closer to you, invading your space and you couldn't complain.

"I don't- I don't want you to have to do that, you love working." you said breathlessly, shaking your head. You didn't want your relationship to mean him stop doing what he loved.

"I want you" He said, voice cracking. "I love my job but I love you." He said it like he couldn't get enough of finally saying it. "I'll work it out so you can come everytime we have a case, please I love you" He was begging.

"What does this mean Spence" You said, heart beating out of your chest. He just shook his head. "Who cares! I love you, You love me. I will do anything, just.. stay - let me stay." He said, grabbing your hand.

"I love you" You repeated.

"I love you" He said back.

"Where do we go from here?" You ask, looking up at him with squinted eyes, you were sure your makeup was a mess, and you looked horrible but there was so much love and hope in Spencer's eyes you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

"Let me drive you home." He said. You knew that meant it was the beggining. You knew he meant that he didn't know but he wanted to try. He was begging and there was no way you were going to let him go again.

"Okay."

[hellothereandimsosorry]

I'm ALMOST watching dorohedoro bcs of you 🥹🥹🥹🥹 is it really that good? Bcs I'm kinda scared to start watching it bcs I'm not used to the artstyle

- 🦈🦈

ok im ngl it is literally my favorite manga of all time.

like ive read it front to back several times. its one of those pieces of media where the story is so good that i literally have no complaints like its genuinely a perfect work of art imo. it is absolutely that good.

Its definitely weird and not for everybody, I wouldn't recommend it if you're squeamish about violence because it's very violent and bloody and can get pretty gross. but its also super unserious and its actually really funny. the characters are lovable and without spoiling one of my favorite things about it is that there isn't really a good vs bad in it bc all the characters fall somewhere in between. they all have their own motivations and their stories are all intertwined and compelling.

the story is simultaneously sprawling, involving many different characters and their complicated motive, while also being tightly contained in the world it exists in. the world building is also some of the best i've ever seen its truly excellent. everything matters to everything else in the story and it is so well done.

idk if i can relate it to many other works because it kind of exists in its own genre. ive seen people call it seinen which i get because its mature in themes and storytelling, shonen which is definitely wrong??? i was confused af when i saw somebody call it that lmao, horror-comedy which i think is pretty close? its a mystery but it doesnt always feel like a mystery, theres no detective although its plot is driven by mystery. honestly idk. its really unique and i dont think that any other popular media matches its freak tbh.

it might be too weird to become super mainstream, even though its well known and loved. its plot is winding and weird, the main character has a lizard head, its set in an intentionally grimy world and actually looks like it. the characters arent cutesyfied, theyre mostly huge and bulky and gritty but they are so lovably human.

personally i love the art style i think it perfectly fits the world that it is meant to portray. the anime also does a fantastic job adapting it, though it did take me a minute to get used to the 3d models, it is a gorgeous anime like genuinely it is so beautiful like they cooked so hard.

ok holy shit this is so long sorry! i just really love it that much lmao. as for whether or not you should watch it - YES! (if it wasnt obvious) but don't sweat it if its not your cup of tea. i recommend it to all my friends and some of them couldnt get through it because of the violence, the art, or because its just too weird/not their thing. while i think theyre totally missing out, i understand that not everyone is like me and instantly loved it from the first chapter because the 1st tim i read it literally read the first 80 chapters in a day i was so crazy about it and finished it like 2 days later (the whole thing is like ~180 chapters i think? idk the exact count)

also if you're worried about the anime's art... you like blue lock and if you were able to get thru the s1 animation you will be fine. its way way better animated trust me.

ok gonna end it there bcs this is a whole ass essay

[hereforthefunnyguys]

Break down Anzu please 🥺🙏

O 1. How do I feel about this character?

Will not lie to you at first I didn't see all that special about her but still thought she was a fun addition to the friend group. Then I got on the Internet (bad idea wouldn't recommend it) and saw how much hate she got and was like Oh I See. It's my job to defend her forever since apparently nobody else will. Send my ass off to war for her.

I do really appreciate her and I wish people would take a minute to examine her character more (which, to be fair, they removed a lot of for the manga). Like. I especially relate to the way that she both obviously has so much ambition for the future and looks forward to her career as a dancer, but is still scared and sad about having to let go of the friends she's made over the years.

Also people make fun of her for being too wishy washy and "vulnerable" but the fact of the matter is that she's not prone to discussing her emotions with anyone else in the series at all. Like. The only reason people see her as emotional is because we're given a viewpoint into her thoughts. Jonouchi is more openly emotional than her. Honda is more emotional. People should try and learn how to actually read into her character instead of just assigning her the Generic Shonen Girl Personality and calling it a day.

2. All the people I ship romantically with this character:

There is a horrid dearth of proper yuri in yugioh, but! I like pairing her up with Mana (unrealistic and they are separated by 3000 years but! She will Fuck That Mummy (i just got a really really good idea for an au guys trust me)) just because I think they make an interesting hypothetical dynamic - honestly, I'd go the full mile of calling them kind of narrative foils, what with Anzu's responsibility vs. Mana's silliness, Mana being tutored by a mentor vs. Anzu being mostly self-taught and self-propelled, Mana not having much ambition for most of the Millennium World arc despite her position of power and privilege vs. Anzu scraping up from the bottom specifically because she has such an intense vision of what she wants her life to be. Really good potential there. Anyways continuing on

I think her and Miho seem cute but i gonna be real with you i have. Not seen a ton of season zero so I have no real frame of reference for what they'd be like. And manga miho seems a little quiet for anzus personality tbh she needs someone she can argue with lmao

On the het side I like her with Atem but not honestly much of anyone else. I thought her and him had a very sweet dynamic in the manga and I would have liked to see more of his thoughts about her since he seemed to enjoy her company, he just. Is not good at talking to people in general. Don't hit me with that "ackshually atem hates Anzu 🤓" Shit. They are friends. They like each other.

Also I hc that she was crushing on mai kujaku but i don't think she would've been happy if it was a serious relationship. It's just like. One of those crushes teenagers get on attractive adults that show them genuine respect for the first time ever you know?

3. My non-romantic OTP for this character is:

Her and Jonouchi are so funnyyyyyyy lmao. "JOSEPH WHEELER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" alright they seem like the perfect mix of stupid and stubborn that im sure can lead to them getting into all kind of dumb shit. Where's my au where they both get lost in the woods because Anzu said she knew where she was going and Jonouchi was too proud to check the map. Silly

4. My unpopular opinion about this character:

SHE! IS! NOT! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! (rips shirt off and screams in rage) AND NO BEING YUGIS LOVE INTEREST IS NOT HER ONLY JOB IN THE STORY!!! SHE HAS A PERSONALITY BEYOND ANOTHER BOY'S CRUSH ON HER THAT SHE MAY OR MAY NOT RECIPROCATE!!!!

Really though she has such a strong personality if you set out to try and figure it out!! And she does play multiple roles beyond love interest and damsel in distress! She did a ton of stuff in the early manga and i still cannot believe people make fun of her for friendship speeches when they are obsessed with everyone else from hit series Yu-Gi-Oh, Friendship is Magic. She didn't even make that many speeches!!!!!

5. One thing I wished happened to this character in canon?

I wish we got to see more of her home life and her background since it feels like it has something going on back there, since she seems to be hustling for money in a way that tells me she mostly relies on herself for funds and support. Also I wish at least at some point she had gotten to tell Atem how she felt about him :( or at least resolved the plot point beyond "well I guess he's going so i have to cope"

anyways I LOVE HER A MILLION KISSES FOR ANZU MAZAKI

[metfell]

So, I know lnm fucked up by not telling tubbolul about the experiment, especially after everything they talked about. Going behind his back like that and risking himself…

But, you’ve done such a great job showing how terrified of himself he is, how hard it is to think rationally when that fear takes over, and I can’t help but sympathize with them. c!Dream fucked with him, mentally and biologically, and he’s not only suffering the consequences of his own actions, but also what was done to him in his past, most likely against his will. They were so scared that it drove them to… this. He was so scared of hurting his loved ones that wound up unintentionally hurting them anyway. And she still hasn’t gotten the chance to really process what she remembered

I don’t blame tubbolul for being upset, but I also feel really bad for lnm too? I just want to give her a hug. And also tell her to stop being so fucking stupid

then ive done a great job at writing cranboo tbh! when looking at how to write stuff with cranboo, i think its pretty important to make people torn on how to feel about his actions. because like you said, you can understand why he did what he did. you can feel how scared he is, and how he wants to protect everyone. and then you can look at him and go "but this aint the way man..."

this arc is also addressing a lot of past beeduo arguments in bedrockverse, because tubbo has forgiven ranboo A Lot. he has every right to be upset. and i dont blame lul at all for saying "fuck this" and leaving for a while.

latenightminings now gotta deal with not only his past as in the memories hes getting back, but also his past as in the consequences of every time hes broken tubbos trust. straw that broke the camels back but instead its giant meteor that blew the entire camel the fuck up.

also im glad people are finding the stuff with c!dream believable. thats been my second biggest fear when planning this. we're not done learning about those experiments yet either so uhhh look forward? to that? or be terrified of that LOL

[vazelbeak]

Thoughts on our episode oops:

This ones a lot stronger than i was expecting which is good!

- The beginning of the episode isnt quite my normal favorite beginning to an episode but it works for telling us fizz and ozzie are a couple and their actual dynamic which id say we needed screen time given to because its kind of an act (even though i liked the prior established idea fizz and Ozzies relationship might be that they find love gross despite being in a relationship bc its more about whats agreed upon to constitute it)

- Again i think itd really sell a theme to the episode if Ozzie didnt want to go with Fizz to get milk out of concern theyd be mistaken as a couple causing a part of the reason fizz gets into this mess

- i think Striker shouldve been kidnapped by Crimson who running out of men and money would rather kidnap and force an assassin to work for him or be killed than risk cutting his numbers down further after what Millie did. Especially bc arguably prior episodes have implied Striker is better at one on one fights and is easily overpowered when out numbered.

- Im not super on board with Striker pulling Fizz and Blitzo off the street so easily when if Fizz and Ozzie were a poorly kept secret whys it in the paper as proven and not a "shits hit the fan" moment? And hows he weaker than Bee when he's very clearly muscular? Maybe if Stiker was trying to grab Fizz's dogs especially the albino one recognizing them as Ozzies and therefore something hed pay a pretty penny for. Only to by chance pull up Blitzo and Fizz whos mistaken as Ozzies dog walker.

-okay so in backstory the fire is green. But then shouldnt he be bothered by said green fire in Loolooland and why didn't we see it in his trip?

-tbh shouldn't he possibly bc scared of horses too bc of this?

-"but you have no idea what i lost in that fire" blitzo says this like it was the start of his villain arc but personally? It just feel really insensitive to Fizz and unaware of the fact his pettiness to push someone caused this

-its really too bad barbie was scrapped from the scene bc if Blitzo walked off because he heard her scream and basically went to find hed only to catch as the tent burned down it would better justify him walking away from fizz than "trying to get help" which doesnt. Read as such.

-honestly too the fact blitz is implied to have killed people makes me think it wouldve worked better if perhaps fizz ans his mom were outliers but largely the issue was he put every one out of a job. Jobs that likely dont have very transferable skills. As they may have had the money to keep the circus going but never enough to replace everything lost in a moment like that. (Also a throw back to how hell doesnt have insurance)

-fizzs song is pretty good! With the music though i semi wish Look At This couldve been a song where Fizz is actually trying to fool Crim and his group into thinking Ozzie and Stolas have shown up especially because Fizz may not know much about fighting but he absolutely might know how to set a scene and inprovise. Maybe a bit akin to Make A Lot of Noise from the Toy Story musical.

-again wish Ozzies now offered to go with Fizz any time he leaves the house and Fizz (who went from saying he doesnt know how to fight to throwing a punch) says he can handle himself but hed love for them to go out together as a couple. Ozzie saying he doesnt need to leave the house and he'll have body guard everywhere with him reads too infatilizing and assuming Fizz as incompetent for my taste

- Salem did the concept art for this episode and the fact viv didnt credit them is really disappointing. If i can i would like to ask ppl be aware of that and maybe check those out bc they have every right to be proud of the work they did

[fandom-blackhole]

Episode 5 Episode 5 Episode 5 Epi-

Before episode thoughts:

Anyone else missing the like world building intros? I am lol

Like I miss soaking up the new info about the infection

Honestly its not a big deal but I wanted to mention hlthat I miss them lmao

Also 100% not ready for Sam and Henry, im gonna fucking ugly sob bc im emotional and on my period

Anyway episode thoughts ->

Ngl this is how I imagined take overs happening when we saw the aftermath in the game

SIGN LANGUAGE!!!

Honestly I might betray someone for an apple in the Apocalypse...

Tbh kath is giving BIG bad vibes

Perry my beloved (biased)

Why is she the leader? Like it kinda doesn't make sense to me

Sam is so cute istg

Jumpstart lol (I jumped so I dont blame henry)

Henry is the best big brother

Crayons 🥲

And paint!

He is not coming back, rip doc

That hug took me OUT 😭😭😭

Henry gave sam the mask 🥲🥲🥲

Th÷ knife as a mirror 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Use Joel as a distraction, go!

Sammmmm, he's too cute omfg

Ooo are they following Joel and Ellie?

Smart get them to help, sorta like he convinced them in game

That's a weird fucking tone 😭😭😭

Henry you're such a noble at this but I love it

Theyre sharing food

Sam and Ellie bonding

KC federa being absolute nightmare adds up ngl

Just saying henry making a point of being nonviolent is like alot, especially with being a black man, I won't go into detail bc im just a white woman but like ik thats a big deal

All the infected in the tunnels is 👌👌👌

Side point, as someone who lives in KS and is like a ~2 hr drive from KC they did a really good job at making the city look like an over grown KC, bc if im not wrong they didn't shoot this in KC

ISHHHHHH

Omfg im gonna cry

Oh man, i hope the bloated isn't in ish's place, that'd really hurt

The drawing of Ish

The comicccccc!!!

Endure and Survive 🥲

I like that this place kinda fits the toy store as well

Aw the soccer

Henry sold put kath's brother to get drugs for sam... 🥲

Or am I the bad guy? No, honey, no you're not, you did what you had to keep family alive and tbh in the Apocalypse you do what you do

Is she only the leader bc of her brother

I think the kath v henry storyline is very much paralleling tlou p2 storyline

Dude I just have this feeling about perry, I honest to God think he actually cares about the people

Kath is kinda just set on vengeance

I hope the bridge scene, or something like it, still happens

Omfg i HATED this area in game, it sucked ass

Unfair Joel got to the house so much easier lmao

Is Joel gonna have to use the sniper like in the game

Ope. Of course he was with kath

Fuck is that the "run" truck, yup it is

Come on joel!!!

YESSSSS suck it bitches

Keep running omfg

Infected? No, kathleen

Kill kath kill kath kill kath kill kath

Oh fuck this bitch "kids die"

He is worth EVERYTHING

Come on joel do somethingggggg

Oh shit, the boaters coming isn't it!!!!

Use the distraction, fucking gooooo

Fucking shit

There's the infected Joel had to shoot

Thats my smart girl

BIG BOYYYYY

Perry RUN

Ope there's the in game kill animation

Oh thats a kid clicker.....

Ellie you should not have wasted your ammo

This is how sam gets bit isnt it

Joel fucking kill her, nm YESSSS

And just like that, KC is lost :)

Rip my boy perry, I liked you <3

Joel inviting Sam and Henry

I'll tell him in the morning 🥲 will you?

Is he gonna ask about the infected?

Im scared of ending up alone. Oh my baby girl 🥲

Ope there's the infected question

OH FUCK HE SHOWED HER

Oh and she's showing him!!

Oh no no no

Ellie my girl....thats not gonna work 🥲

Oh my fucking God I'm gonna start sobbing

I think she knows its not gonna work and he's gonna change

Oh henry...

Oh henry.....

Oh hes burying them

Joel looking towards the bridge is a good nod to what happened in the games....I wonder if they'll be crossing it and something happens like in the game 🤔

Im sorry. No one talk to me

Im broken istg

Trailer thoughts ->

JACKSON

TOMMY

IS THAT MARIA?! SHES SO PRETTY <3<3<3

Behind the scenes ->

Having them be bonded over being two of the few that speak ASL

The rep of deafness is beautiful

I love the nod to Ish, it was one of my fave parts of the game

These are decisions that love makes, not rationality. Beautiful

The infected were so well done, props to the actors and the coach

The child clicker killing kath was poetic, especially after what she said about kids dying

I think the blood not working on sam is gonna effect what happens with the fireflies later, and why she believes joel

Maybe idk

Anyway, great episode, im a fucking wreck, Henry and Sam you both deserve the world and I hate that it wasn't given to you

Ok ok ok The Last of Us episode 1 thoughts below!

• CLIMATE CHANGE?! (Love that honestly)

• Not me sobbing at the intro (I HOPED they'd do something like the games intro so this was a perfect surprise)

• Joels shirt is inside out 😭 (ok noticed this before it was mentioned)

• Let the man have his coffee Sarah

• Gabriel as tommy?! Sounds almost identical omggg

• The neighbors 😭 (oh I understand now.....)(I like how they changed the changing/infected neighbor scene)

• Desert Storm???? 👀

• Sarah fixing the watch instead of getting him a new one 🥺

• Sarah's backpack is so cute omg

• The dog 🥲

• "Drugs. I sell hard-core drugs." Happy screams

• Joel and his shitty movies smh (hope this is ref later with ellie and joels movie nights)

• Dammit Tommy, jail, really??

• Yo wtf grandma. No joke the cordyceps out of her mouth?!?!?

• The truck scene was done so welllllllllll

• Jimmy's place!!!

• The planes (OMFG THE PLANE)

• Ooo the car crash separating them, I approve

• These bitches CREEPY (Love that they have no fine motor control)

• Joel begging 🥲🥲🥲

• That is infact a small child (😭😭😭)(🥲🥲🥲)

• DONT YOU TWENTY YEARS LATER ME YOU BITCHES (both 2014 Hannah and 2023 Hannah)

Sarah's death was sadder here and I stand by that

• The amount of time it takes to change depending on where your bit poster is 👌👌👌

• Joel doing actual work in the QZ is kinda really funny to me (sewer maintenance) (now this is more like it....wait drug dealing??)

• MUSICCCCCCCC

• HANGING?????? IN THE QZ??? BY FEDRA???

• Tess 🥰🥰🥰

• Ooo truck battery and not guns (what about your guy?- He answers to me FUCK YEAH HE DOES....WAIT oh fuck explosion! Well fuck you anyway Robert)

•  ELLIE!! (SHE HAS HER EYEBROW SCAR! And her sense if humor) (veronica?) (unchain my child please)

• Oooo message operator! (TOMMY!) (Slavers 🤔)

• Joel planning a trip already is genius (wtf you doing drinking and doing pills?!)

• The watch 🥲

• Those walls are THIN or that baby is LOUD

• Marleneeeeeee

• I love all the yellow wires, ik in the game it was an obvious way to show you where to go, but u like that its been added to the show

• Oh damn, rip unnamed firefly Marlene talked too, you're dying in the capital (kim) (ope her ear)

• Tell me to look for the light and ill break your jaw 🥰🥰🥰

• Ellie getting water on her face lmao

• The knife 🥺

• Atleast the wrapped the handcuff so it wouldn't hurt her

• Don't talk about Riley bitch, I will fight you

• I like all the water dripping, good touch

• Joel talking construction 🥰🥰🥰

• Ok but that wallpaper in the hallway with the dead Robert, I want

• Well ellie you tried, but Joel is better

• Ellie is in fact feral, love her

• Give ellie her knife dammit (yes ellie I agree that was an asshole move)

• Ope don't mention Tommy

• What are they capable of?- alot ellie, alot

• You all talk it out but please remember I am bleeding out 😭😭😭

• God I love my husband

• Ellies shoes squishing 🤢

• Bill and Frank 🥺

• Your watch us broken 🥲

• Ok but why is all the wallpaper cute in this episode?!

• Ellie figuring out the radio code shes so smart i love her

• That door (or whatever you wanna call it) was hidden perfectly omg

• Worst time to take a piss (hahahahaha honestly fuck that guy)

• Pedro's eyes 😩 (oh fuck wait hes fucking that guy upppp)

• PTSD!!!

• THE RADIOOOOOOOOO

• THE RADIO AS IT PANS OVER THE CITY AND WE HEAR INFECTED?!? so good

• The trailer!

• The city landscapes 😩😩😩

• Frank!!!!

• There's no halfway with this, we finish what we started *indistinct screeching*

If you read all this PLEASE send me Joel thoughts, I wanna talk about my husband! Also if you want me to explain any of these ASK MEEEE!! Also, Also, I'll be doing this for every episode so if wanna be tagged in these just if be down 👉👈

[cvntyblogger]

okay, im trying to say this in the most non-offensive way possible. i've been thinking about how much i dont want kids in the future because, well, i've never found the idea of pregnancy and taking care of children particularly appealing. to me, parenthood should include being with your child quite a lot and that sounds emotionally taxing and bad for the mental health of adults who are already stressed out due to their tedious jobs (capitalism am i right?). now, if theres one thing we know, it is the fact that most parents till date have not been all-round responsible to have kids, but due to irrational things like societal pressure or 'kids are cute 🥺', they've have them. i made a post earlier about how complicated relationships with your parents are, and i didnt expect it to blow up, but it did, and the fact that more than 74 thousand people can relate is not okay. to clarify, i dont come from an abusive household, i was simply talking about the (emotional) damage parents can do to their kids without even realising. so yeah, im safe, fyi lol.

About what i was saying: my sister once told me that people have kids for selfish reasons as well, aka not getting lonely. if u have kids with ur partner, at least in indian households u are affiliated with your partner's parents, siblings and relatives, so you have a larger family and more people to turn to in times of trouble, in old age or to simply hang out with, incl your kids. and having kids seals the deal of being accepted completely in society, and if u dont people treat you like you committed a crime.

Heres the thing, ok. i have seen people from all generations, incl gen Z, talk about having kids as something SO OBVIOUS in every person's life that it makes me scared because i feel like i will never find a partner in the future who will like to reman childfree. im young so i know this may seem like im overthinking the far future, but im really not, so let me have this.

not everyone wants to have kids and its time we stop pushing those people aside just because theyre a supposed minority. not all but many people who dont want kids change their minds, yes, but it is NOT YOUR PLACE to say that. by telling someone who wants to remain childfree, that they will "eventually change their mind", is directly devaluing their current desires and decisions, so stop it.

i just- please understand that having kids is a huge responsibility and one you cannot go back from, so unless you have healed your own trauma (same with ur partner) and have a stable relationship with your partner, im begging u to not have kids. TOO MANY people come from broken homes because their parents didnt know better and it boils my blood that that is the case. if we are taught this stuff in educational institutions, i can guarantee that the number of people traumatised by their parents would decrease.

also !! people have much more rational reasons to NOT have kids than to have them tbh. be it mental health, no desire, generational trauma, etc. im not shitting on people who want kids, but im just being realistic.

[majorcharacterundeath]

do u ever think of valerie grey i think of her an above normal amount. shes literally got a classic super hero origin story and on top of that shes danny's foil, tbh more so than vlad is. (this got so long continued under the cut)

for starters its just her and her dad! she doesn't have her mom or any siblings. its not too bad bc he has a nice job w decent hours so he spends a lot of time with her. then a ghost (?!!??!??!) destroys your dads work place, and they fire him bc some how he should've known how to protect the place from ghosts, too! despite the fact that pretty much no one believes in the ghosts and/or isnt taking it seriously. how the fuck was he supposed to know that ghosts were a threat? is there anything abt ghosts in the contract?? but anyway ur dad gets fired and you go from comfortably middle class to poor. shes 14 and working a job! all her friends dump her! and then the rich mayor of her town offers her a chance at Revenge against the ghost that did this to her!! he says he noticed how special she is and enlists her in a secrete project to use her to hurt his nemesis save the world!

shes 14 and alone and so so angry all the time. vlad offered her a little power over her situation of course she took it. of course she'd do anything he asked to keep it.

she and danny are going through the same stuff! shes maintaining her secrete identity! shes out there every day fighting ghosts and skipping school and after fusing w a ghost powered suit she might not being completely human/alive anymore. theyre foils!! theyre 2 sides of the same story!

but danny has so many people and ghosts to help him, even a couple right off the bat, but shes alone. sam and tucker r w him in a lot of his early fights. jazzed eventually figured it out and stepped in to help. frostbite helped him figure out his ice powers.

you know who help valerie when her suit fused to her? no one! shes gotta figure out the new powers with no help. who knows what symptoms that caused. who needs a no one knows au when vals right there giving it to u in canon?

can u imagine what vlads doing to manipulate her? hes using her to hurt danny. he doesnt give a shit abt her emotional or physical safety. hes the one pointing her at phantom and all the other ghosts.

all she can really do is throw herself into her role as Red Huntress, into her vendetta against ghosts. she hasn't actually questioned it bc shes too scared to and vlads manipulating her on top of that. why is everyone surprised she agrees to a truce w phantom to save dani? shes a 14 yr old playing super hero to cope, not a villain whos been stewing in bitterness for 20 years and renounced all morals.

uhhhhh other things i wanted to point out where how shes got what danny wanted so bad. her dads so normal. shes in the popular crowd at school. shes close to paulina (yes in a gay way a little bit). and she fucking lost it all.

ill never forgive that they ended her arc w finding out vlad was plasmious. i am desperate to see the aftermath of that. i want her and danny as a cool super hero duo. i want her to join team phantom (to be renamed later) and be friends w sam and tucker. help her

im not proof reading this im sorry if it makes no sense lmk i can explain this better maybe

[takahero]

in honour of finishing inkspell, here are some basta observations I picked up along the way. also, inkspell spoilers warning! i also have MANY MANY thoughts so i’d love to hear what you guys think to some of the questions raised

“He hadn’t changed: the same thin face, the same way of narrowing his eyes, and there was an amulet dangling around his neck to ward off the bad luck that Basta thought lurked under every ladder, behind every bush.” — pg.138

“Basta’s left hand was bandaged, Elinor noticed when he took his fingers away from her mouth.” — pg.139

“‘I’d have been here much sooner, believe you me, but they put me in jail for a while on account of something that happened years ago. No sooner was Capricorn gone than all the people who’d been too scared to open their mouths suddenly felt very brave.’” — pg.140 (see they never tell us WHY he was in prison, do they? the possibilities are endless. we know he committed atrocious things, like arson, but imagine if he got put in jail for something completely different…LOL)

“‘You wouldn’t believe how often I’ve told him there’s nothing to be ashamed of in going to jail, particularly when your prisons here are so much more comfortable than our dungeons at home.’” — pg.140 (OHHHTMGOD MEME IDEA)

“Basta flung his arm so roughly round Orpheus’ neck that his glasses slipped down his nose.” — pg.141

“‘Hold your tongue, Basta!’ Mortola interrupted him abruptly. ‘You’ve always liked the sound of your own voice.’” — pg.141

“‘Well, Silvertongue, I’m sorry it’s taken some time,’ he said in his soft, cat-like voice.” — pg.180

“‘My son always said revenge was a dish best eaten cold,’ observed Mortola.” — pg.181 (question. did basta find out about mortola’s true identity between inkheart & inkspell? do u think he realised it when mortola cried when capricorn died?)

“Basta passed a finger over his throat and winked at him.” — pg.186 (wink 2 LMAO)

“Basta bent down and picked up a rusty helmet lying at his feet. ‘What do you expect me to say?’ he growled, throwing the helmet back into the grass with a gloomy expression, and giving it a kick that sent it clattering against the wall. ‘Of course it’s our castle. Didn’t you see the figure of the goat on the wall there? Even the carved devils are still standing, though they wear ivy crowns now — and look, there’s one of the eyes that Slasher liked to paint on the stones.’” — pg.190

“‘So Basta was right after all. He’s dead, here and in the other world too.’” — pg.191 (interesting….so Basta knew Mortola’s plan wouldn’t work? he just wanted a ride home?)

“‘I’d really like to know what happened!’ he muttered. ‘I always said Capricorn wasn’t here, but what about the others?…What are we going to do if they’re all gone?’ Basta sounded like a boy afraid of the dark. ‘Do you want us to live in a cave like brownies until the wolves find us? Have you forgotten the wolves? And the Night-Mares, the fire-elves, all the other creatures crawling around the place…I for one haven’t forgotten them, but you would come back to this accursed spot where there are ghosts lurking behind every tree!’ He reached for the amulet dangling around his neck, but Mortola did not deign to look at him.

“‘Oh, be quiet!’ she said, so sharply that Basta flinched.” — pg.192

“‘You’re going to leave them here?’ That was Basta’s voice.” — pg.193 (at first I was like oh so he has a heart….but then he was mean to resa straight after this 🙄)

“‘Sorry, but he must have overlooked me, shut up in that cage as I was,’ purred Basta in his catlike voice.” — pg.377

“‘Wasn’t it Mortola who had you put in the cage to be fed to the Shadow?’ Basta just shrugged his shoulders and flung back his silver-grey cloak. Of course, he had his knife. A brand new one, it seemed, finer than any he’d ever had in the other world, and undoubtedly just as sharp.

“‘Yes, not very nice of her,’ he said as his fingers caressed the handle of the knife. ‘But she’s really sorry.’” — pg.377 (okay so it SOUNDS like he threatened/made some kind of bargain with his knife, but I strongly doubt that considering how afraid he seems of her?? i know he’s technically working for the adderhead but even by the end of the book, it seems he is far closer to mortola than adderhead. what is their relationship? or does he sincerely think she’s sorry/has deluded himself into believing such? UGH SO MANY QUESTIONS)

“Basta had always liked describing his own and other people’s abominable deeds in detail.” — pg.378

“‘But we’re not going to shoot you.’ Basta came a little closer to Fenoglio, his face as intent as that of a stalking cat.” — pg.378 …. living for all the cat references tbh

“‘He wants you to crawl on your belly to him, that’s what our noble lord and master likes. But never mind, he pays well!’” — pg.378 (yes basta all abt getting that bread LMAOOOO)

“He slowly drew the knife from his belt. Its blade was long and slightly curved.” — pg.379

“‘Hey Basta, I know you like the sound of your own voice.’” — pg.379 (AHAHAHAHA HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE CALLED OUT BASTA ON THIS NOW? IVE LOST TRACK)

“With a regretful sigh, Basta put the knife back in his belt. ‘Yes, very well, you’re right,’ he said in surly tones. ‘I need to take my time with this sort of thing. Questioning people is an art, a real art.’” — pg.380 (LMAOOOOOOO HE IS SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN)

“Basta. The same thin face, the same twisted smile. Only the clothes were different. Basta was no longer wearing his white shirt and black suit with the flower in his buttonhole. No, Basta now wore the Adderhead’s silvery grey, and he had a sword at his side. With a knife in his belt too, of course. But he was holding a dead chicken in his left hand.” — pg. 455

“‘Yes, they are!’ purred Basta. ‘The little witch, and the fire-eater into the bargain. It was well worth the wait. Even though I’ll probably never get that damned flour out of my lungs again.’” — pg.455 (ok….so who’s gonna draw basta sitting amongst the flour AAHHAHA)

“‘Servant? Who’s a servant here? Just listen to him. As bold as if he’d never felt my knife! Have you forgotten how you screamed when it cut your face?’” — pg.457 … don’t call basta a servant…..noted

“‘Oh, don’t look so disbelieving, little witch, I still can’t read and I don’t intend to learn, but there are enough fools around the place who can, even in this world.’” —pg. 457 (i wonder how much capricorn influenced basta’s views on reading. because capricorn said that he learnt how to read from a maid, right? so basta certainly wouldn’t have trash-talked reading in front of him. and even after living in OUR world for nine years, I’m still surprised that he never attempted to learn, given how dependent we are on it. anyway my headcanon is that he secretly wants to, but doesn’t want to give others the satisfaction of knowing they have something he doesn’t. also nobody he knows would be willing to teach him (unless he threatened them) bc of his obviously violent and short-tempered nature…and learning requires so much patience. still, though, would love a fic of basta being taught how to read in secret and having some kind of positive interaction)

“‘You’re even more talkative than you used to be, Basta.’ Dustfinger’s voice sounded as if he found this tedious.” — pg.458 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH IM DYING. honestly the animosity between them was just. A+++

“Basta was in an even worse state. He was sitting close to Mortola, his face so red and swollen that Meggie almost failed to recognise him. But he had escaped death once again. Perhaps the good-luck charms he always wore worked after all.” — pg.526

“The sunlight falling into the room made Basta’s face look like a boiled lobster.” — pg.575 

“Basta put his hand to the amulet hanging around his neck. It was not a rabbit’s paw, as he had worn in Capricorn’s service, but something that looked suspiciously like a human finger-bone.” — pg.581 (THIS STILL IRKS ME SO MUCH)

“The Piper straightened his back, as ready to attack as the viper on his master’s coat of arms…He was a good head taller than Basta.” — pg.582 WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING HES NOT TALL LMFAO

“The two men were standing so close that the blade of Basta’s knife wouldn’t have fitted between them.” — pg.582 HAHAHAJAHAAJAHAHHAAHAHAHAH PKESJENE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH … IMAGINE BASTA SQUARING UP W HIS NOSE JUST SMACK BANG IN THE MIDDLE OF PIPER’S CHEST OR SOMETHING

“The Piper struck Basta in the face so hard that his head hit the door frame. Blood ran down his burned cheek in a trail of red. He wiped it away with the back of his hand. ‘Take care to avoid dark corridors, Piper!’ he whispered. ‘You don’t have a nose any more, but one can always find something else to cut off.’” — pg.582-583 THIS SCENE WAS SIMPLY……CHEF’S KISS

are you serious is he dead??? WHAT. okay I knew dustfinger’s love for farid would be the end of him and basta being the instrument to rip that away from him was totally heartrending. i WISH it had been more climactic? like dustfinger unleashing his fury and fighting basta, blind with anger and grief. THE DIALOGUE POTENTIAL BETWEEN THEM AS THEY FINALLY TALK ONE-ON-ONE, and then some revisiting of the scene where dustfinger has the opportunity to kill basta but AGAIN withholds because killing is not in his nature….THEN MO IN SHINING ARMOUR SWOOPS IN TO DO THE JOB

now, off to inkdeath!

[ringmyheart]

Hey was wondering if I could get something for lookism characters with an older s/o, like they're 3-4 older. Please do goo, Jake kim and Scott kwon.

Good luck with the blog🤩🤩🤩

Goo Kim

When you get into the relationship, of course he knows ur age and that you’re a few years older than him, and at first he doesn’t mention it but once ur like just a little bit closer he’s probably gonna poke fun at the fact

Because there’s nothing wrong w u being older it’s just that in all the stereotypical or general movies or shows or books it’s like the older person in the relationship is usually the like stronger or more providing person ends up being the oldest in the relationship and ur not useless in the relationship at all but he’s out there like killing ppl and raking in thousands a day at like 19 😭

If ur walking around in public and someone stares at u for a little longer or one of the ten geniuses is looking at u just casually he’ll get up in their face and b like “whaaat?! Do you know who you’re staring at? That’s your elder over there!! Show some respect!!”

He definitely sends u cringy texts like “how’s my favorite 21 year old 😍😍😍😍” and it’s clearly somewhat condescending but he means it endearingly simultaneously

If u don’t know something that he asks u he’ll raise a brow and go “really? A four year head start and u can’t tell me that 🤨” and it’s all good fun but he’s always gonna say stuff like that

And this is all unprompted, if he knows ur actually kinda like insecure for whatever reason that ur older than him, maybe bc he’s already getting cash like crazy at his age, he’ll either start making fun of u relentlessly OR if ur serious about it he’ll cut it out of course and never mention it again. He might try to make u feel better by being like “don’t worry!! Physically and mentally im probably years older than you 😘” and it doesn’t really make u feel better probably but he kind of tries

It’s honestly no big deal to him what ur age is, but if he knows u don’t like him mentioning it so much he will bc he likes to be annoying LMAO and whenever u accomplish something he’ll be like “did u see what my s/o did?! My 21/22yr old s/o?! At their old age they’re still kicking it!!” And ur in NO means old but he just wants to strike a nerve in u and fight in public for fun

But when u put him joking about it aside, it really doesn’t mean anything in the relationship honestly. He doesn’t feel like there’s a certain way for things to go nd just goes about things normally, and he doesn’t really see people older than him as wiser or anytning so he’s not gonna like go to you for advice or ask you to figure things out for him just bc ur older

And honestly u don’t even need a job anymore bc ur gonna b together for a long time and he makes SOOO much money so if u hate ur job or college u have the opportunity to do what u want in life without worrying ab the pay bc he makes it all for u

And yeah he’s pretty stingy w money besides being filthy rich but when or if u need it he’ll give it to u ofc and he wants u to pursue what u like too so he’ll even go to ur job or college and just inform them “btw (y/n) isn’t gonna work here anymore” for u and gets u a job as whatever u want. He beats up ur boss so u can get promoted or something but if u ask about it he’ll deny it anyways and it’s like who else would beat tf out of my boss and he shrugs

Or if u like ur current job or college he’ll threaten the school or ur boss LMAO and have them give u more money or make u pay less or promote u

Even tho ur older than him he sees himself as the like leader of u two ?? Like he’s a really joke-y guy on the exterior but behind the scenes he is doing all the like hard stuff so u don’t have to. Like he sees it as he helps u and if u never offer much help or advice he doesn’t gaf, it’s like he helps u and in return he gets u LMAO

If u like ur job or college, don’t wanna quit and don’t want him threatening ur superiors he is like the number one customer of u guys

Like if u r working retail or as a cashier he is always going to that store nd buying stuff nd funding ur business and he gets chairman choi to do so too

Or he’ll just buy ur company or college LMFAO and suddenly sales r booming and u don’t know why r ur classes r so much easier

Yeah ur older than him and the twelve geniuses but he doesn’t let u near them 😐 he doesn’t want u to be a part of that type of business and honestly keeps u away from it besides maybe gun bc he’s always around him but that’s it

Like he doesn’t want u anywhere near his business or that type of stuff and if ur curios about it he says “u will understand when ur my age” or something LMAO so u will stop asking. It’s like the 1 time he’s suddenly rlly serious

If anyone else mentions how ur older than him in a demeaning way he’ll def be mad it’s like HE can make fun of u but no one else can, like ever. He will fight them nd win even if it’s just on the street or something

He’s threatened like two of ur friends behind ur back bc they made fun of u once and u mentioned it LMAO

He makes u do taxes (does he even do taxes ????? LMFAO) but if he does he makes u do them bc suddenly he thinks ur so much smarter and wiser

If he’s in a rut and needs ur help and it’s something dumb like he lost something he’ll b like “cmooon ur so much smarter than me 😣😩 ur like 21 u would know this for sure” to make u do it and he uses flattery

None of the ten geniuses know ur name bc he’s tryna keep u safe lol

If ur ever in a situation somehow vaguely similar to one he’s in and he needs help on it he’ll ask u what u did, and if u say something surprisingly smart or wise he’ll be kinda surprised bc I feel like he’s cocky and doesn’t think others can help him that much but u do

But overall, it means nothing to him and it doesn’t matter how much older u r he’s still gonna feel like the protector

Jake Kim

It REALLY means nothing to him. Like he honestly never mentions it and ur like does he even know??? Bc a guy like him who’s like a leader of a whole enterprise type thing gang usually seems like he’d wanna be the elder in a relationship so ur like “... u know I’m like 4yrs older than u right?”

And he’s like “...yeah? Was that important or something?” And just blinks at u so ur like ... never mind

Honestly he probably makes u a bank account and puts money in it to surprise u on ur birthday or something like a little fund thing and he has a bank account on the side for u that has like thousands of dollars

If u ever feel bad or weird that ur older than him bc he is so successful and younger than u, he wonders why it even matters??? Who gaf??? And he’ll just hug u or something and is like pls don’t even worry about that... wth

If u ever feel petty bc he’s so much more successful than u bc it’s like when u have a hobby that u love and then a kid ends up being so much better at it than u but SO much worse bc he has like millions at like 19 💀 then he’s like okay but it’s OUR little enterprise now since we r together to assure u. He’s not cocky about it at all

But he won’t offer for u to join or try and help him out in making money even if he’s got to or it’s vital bc he also doesn’t want u involved w Big Deal at ALLLLLLL either, u could literally b like the smartest person in the world but once ur his s/o he probably doesn’t want u involved in his business at all

He does assume ur kind of wiser than him bc of ur age, so he’ll ask u for help or advice more often

Tbh regardless in a relationship he probably doesn’t leave any work for u to do like he does everything the financial stuff the living stuff everything so it doesn’t matter if ur older than him or if u see it as ur responsibility bc of that he’s still gonna bring in the money for y’all

Like he’s gonna take care of everything even if ur older so there’s no pressure for u to “act ur age”

Never brings up the fact that ur older than him, but maybe once in a fight it got bad and he yelled “ffs ur 21 u should know better than this!!” And that hurt ur feelings or something so from then on he just never ever mentioned it

And when others mention it he makes a cut throat motion like “stfu😡” bc he took it as u not liking ur age being brought up rather than u not liking it being held against u but it’s still kinda sweet how he tries to preserve ur feelings sm

If ur in college or something, he tries to help u w hw and stuff and he’s rlly educationally smart I think like he might’ve gotten bad grades but he understands quickly

And eventually he’s just doing ur hw for u LMAO

One time he probably accidentally wrote “Jake Kim” on the top of ur hw and u had to explain to ur professor why that happened

If u work, he probably also bribes ur boss or something to give u a raise and promotion or if u wanna move jobs but r scared of the low pay he feels like it’s a dumb fear bc he is clearly rich af, like u probably don’t even need a job 😭😭

Ur allowed to since ur in ur 20s legally but he doesn’t like or doesn’t let u go around casinos bc he’s seen firsthand how bad gambling is and he has the money to compensate if u ever get into gambling and lose a lot but he just doesn’t want u to feel guilty or get addicted

Like if u pass a casino and wanna go in and r like hey wanna check it out he just grabs ur hand and keeps walking and is like “let’s not” and probably asks u at one point to pls not get into gambling

If ur kinda petty bc he’s so much better at fighting than u despite being younger he’s like u don’t even need to fight I can literally do that for u???? Bc he feels like the only reason U would ever need to fight is to protect urself so if u wanna do it for fun he’ll teach u but doesn’t take it that srsly

He maybe made like one joke ab ur age or sent u a meme he saw ab relationships but u left him on read and it was just a bad joke or something but yeah overall he really refrains from bringing up ur age like ever 😭😭

He thinks ur insecure bc ur getting older or something and that’s y so he might start going like “looking youthful today 😀👍” every morning to u and ur like oh hehe thanks ????????

If someone else ever voices that they think it’s weird ur older than him he’ll fight them too like first he’ll go “(y/n), is this ur friend ?” Like he did w jiho and if ur like no he’s like oh :)) and then punches them or something

Doesn’t tell u stuff ab his business and ur like I’m 20-23 I can handle it and he just refuses anyways and will leave u in the dark bc yk won’t even risk it

Someone in Big Deal might be like “use ur s/o to help us work nd get money since they’re old they seem professional” he kicked them out immediately ur not touching that shit

But generally, he doesn’t care about it at all, and honestly just cares ab u and not ur age

Scott Kwon

He definitely uses u to get into places only ppl 20+ can enter LMAOO

He’ll have u walk in first and then slip in past u and if he gets caught he grabs u and goes “THIS is my s/o!!! They’re clearly of age, and I’m their s/o so clearly I am of age too 😤😤”

Ur banned from like 50 bars because of this like there’s a little “if these two come and ask u to enter their bar DO NOT LET THEM ENTER!!” Wall for y’all

He might try and hide in ur coat or something to get in but it never works

He definitely makes fun of ur age in a cocky way like haha... an older person wanted to get with ME. Little old me. And he feels like hot stuff bc of it for sure

Brags about it a lot like will take out ur photo and goes “u see this?? My s/o?? Yeah they’re in love w me and THREE YRS OLDER... hold ur applause guys” and it boosts his ego sm

He sends u scarily recent memes or jokes on the internet ab older s/o’s if there r any, and eventually when u go on his Instagram at least 1/3rd of his feed is just ageist jokes

If it really hurts ur feelings, he won’t tell any jokes ab it and won’t mention it ever again but will continue to utilize ur age to do things he can’t at age 18-19

He feels proud that he’s making sm money and is such a good fighter despite being younger than u bc he feels like it makes u look up to him so he’ll boast about it like he’ll punch something and go see that babe????? I can do that and I’m only 19!!! And ur like omg that’s so cooollll!!!!! <3 and his heart just swells

Pays for anything u want like buys u everything u ask for or just look at tbh, and also feels like u have no responsibility just bc ur older and seees himself as like the “leader” if the relationship and has a sense of duty to helping u and everything

Steers u away from trouble ASAP too it doesn’t matter if u can hold off on ur own, if he sees guys that just look mean he and u r walking the other way and ur like bro what?? And he just lies and is like I liked the sunset this direction or smmn and he doesn’t confide in u ab scary things

Bc yeah u can probably handle scary or threatening news but he’s not gna risk it regardless

If he’s rlly stressed ab something that can’t endanger u he won’t tell u that much ab it but might vaguely describe his predicament and looks to u for help and comfort and u just listen and he feels so much better afterwards and he’s telling u all this and ur just like mhm uh-huh :) and so he starts confiding in u more

But ruins it by going like “damn old ppl r good listeners 😆” and ur like STOPPPPPPP

Everyone in God Dog knows ur name age face and occupation bc he’s always talking ab u LMAO

When he was younger and didn’t have that much leniency with the law he made u his legal guardian so he can do what he wants and he tries to use u to get him to do stuf by pointing to u and going “they’re my legal guardian and they say I can drink all this!!” And ur like “no I absolutely do not???!!!!!” And he thought by doing that he’d get anytning but u prioritize his health 🙄 and he’s annoyed but secretly loves it and loves u doting on him nd worrying ab him and his well-being lol

In general, he rlly doesn’t care that ur older than him. His only big concern I. A relationship ever is how he can keep u safe bc he’s in pretty like tough stuff, and he’ll make fun of u but in all good fun and loves u sm

Thank you for the request, and thanks for the wish of luck <3 I’ll the my best w this blog!! I’m not that good at writing for Jake Kim, btw, because his character can kinda confuse me sometimes but he seems to be popular so I hope I get more requests of him so I can get his character down and write him properly. 💘I hope this was what u wanted 😭

[relaxxattack]

ayo! (wait this might be a bit of a jumpscare dishdks i apologize) i’m op of That Post and was wondering what your opinions were on the whole woobification thing? /gen

because it’s a Tiny Bit widespread within the dream apologists to sort of,, overdramatize stuff like l’manberg hurting him. like they’re not a 100% wrong but if you look at it subjectively you can see some sort of bias going into that sort of thing that makes the character’s mistreatment a bit more blatant and intentional which,, it really wasn’t? and there wasn’t That Much of it either. especially on twitter (tumblr is much better about it) people just jump to conclusions it seems and yeah. since you brought it up i was wondering if you wanted to write a bit about it from your perspective!

we’re kinda from different corners of the fandom but i still notice that once you are too attached to a character you start taking certain evidence and giving it more weight than it actually has. there’s a blurry line between “taking away a character’s humanity” and woobification and it’s extremely difficult to find a balance when said character shows pretty much nothing of his emotional life (e. g. putting up the intimidating villain act in front of only c!tommy, pretty much everything he does making rational sense with no emotional subtext) and a lot of the fandom instantly jumps to one side or the other while it’s like.

we don’t know by far enough to say “he’s traumatized” or “he isn’t traumatized” or “he was villainized and it hurt him” or “l’manberg didn’t affect him at all”

as a very analytical person people constantly jumping to conclusions grinds my gears, but that’s about it for my own view of the situation - sorry for the rambling.

in general i agree with you that both dehumanization and woobification is Bad and i really hope getting Actual Context sorts this out (e. g. him saying he was betrayed by his friends doesn’t mean it wasn’t partially his fault or that they were allowed to leave him, but it also shows that he did care about that happening. mentioning the cat doesn’t mean anything about what happened to c!tommy but it also shows that he did care about what happened to it. it’s just always interesting to get more information about the way he feels because he usually does a very good job at hiding it.) because man.

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially if you also are attached to the character and are expected to automatically agree with everything the people on “your side” say. it just ends up with everyone being mad and the character being mischaracterised overall.

oh wow hello! i didnt expect the op of the post to find me you’re right lol

and yes i agree! you seem to have a lot of very good thoughts tbh.

and by woobification, i mean exactly what you’ve already pointed out— the people who will say l’manberg purposely villainized dream, the people who will say wilbur faked his mental illness to manipulate dream, the people who are pretty much always talking about how badly dream was treated by people who were acting only fairly for themselves, usually.

for example people who act like dream was a perfect peacemaker before tommy showed up, or that tommy started most conflict. these are just actual lies that are told by c!dream himself to justify his abuse of tommy, and people fall for them incredibly easily because not a lot of people watched early dsmp and know that truthfully it was chaotic even then, and that dream was chaotic too. not to mention wilbur soot tried very hard to secede peacefully with l’manberg and dream jumped directly into war with no warning. and then people say he was forced into their war when, no, he started it.

theres also people who will say like, dream and sapnap for example are such good friends. i’m sure they cared for each other, but dream on multiple occasions has done horrible things to sapnap with no regard for his feelings (like leading fundy to sapnaps pets during the petwar, leading tommy to sapnaps pets during the other petwar and encouraging him to kill them, handing mars over to tommy to use as leverage against sapnap, etc). george he’s been less awful too but he certainly spoke over him and ignored his feelings enough that george felt hurt. he had places in his hall of attachments for beckerson and mars. george and sapnap were right to walk away from being treated like that.

there’s also what you just said here — “dream puts on a villain persona for tommy”— but honestly he acts like that around quite a few people (example: eret) and it’s usually when he’s revealing crucial info, which leads me and many others to believe that ‘persona’ is actually a more truthful version of him.

there’s the fact that he really isn’t safe for people to be around (or at least he wasn't before the prison) because he was planning to come up with ways to control every single person by stealing and threatening their attachments (some of which were not items but were living animals, or a real breathing person).

and then people will say dream was doing exile to enforce rules, or to keep the peace— when it’s very clear in canon it was a deliberate plan to get tommy on his own and into the prison. (from the way he was framing tommy for multiple crimes, and having sam set up the prison, and kidnapping tommy instead of correctly exiling him, all at the same time).

not even going into how he wants to kill and revive people for fun or make tommy immortal.

it’s just— ignoring all these actual facts and saying “oh he misses his friends, let’s get him some friends now” reminds me of like. when people would put flower crowns on pictures of serial killers. and then, there’s hardly anyone on the server who wasn’t subject to dream’s plans, so there’s absolutely no one i would be okay with him interacting with.

just remembered about the torture thing, and wow i still hate it so much. it’s someone’s sick revenge fantasy twisted into a way to get a manipulative villain sympathy, and it’s just gross to me on every account. i do think dream is traumatized-- just not by l’manberg, which was a conflict he started on his own terms. i would think l’manberg did affect him, because he was scared of losing control.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again— my ideal ending for dream would be for him to be sent far away from dsmp to an island full of therapy animals and super strong therapists who have never met him before. and for him to get a shit ton of therapy until he becomes a halfway normal person. and then eventually he could get integrated into society again; but a different one with new people. (although maybe dteam + bbh + puffy can visit him, they might still like him.)

none of the people on the server (who have all been affected by dream) should be burdened with befriending him or rehabilitating him— look how that turned out with sam! sam had a personal grudge towards dream and it ended with the poor dude being tortured every day; and sam himself falling into corruption and literally cutting off his boyfriends arm. like we can all see thats fucking awful right?

no one who was affected by dream should have to deal with him ever again. and contrary to popular belief, that includes a LOT more people then just tommy. dream isn’t just tommy’s antagonist, hes almost everybody’s.

the only person on the server who might also be able to stand to help dream is techno, and that’s from sheer lack of ability to give a shit. but techno is probably THE furthest thing from a good therapist there is lol, and dream needs better then that.

this kind of just ended up being a rant about my thoughts on c!dream, so im so sorry op. especially since it was probably negative for you. i hope you’re doing very well.

i guess in the end it’s true what you said— people will highlight or ignore things based on what characters they like, and it’s especially easy to do in this fandom, where half the content doesn’t even get watched and then we become a big echo chamber of half-truths.

considering dream has hurt so many of the characters i care about, i almost can’t understand how he could be someone’s favorite or comfort character— but he is nonetheless, and it would be unfair of me to be rude about that.

essentially it just bothers me to see someone who was a perpetrator of accurately portrayed abuse and manipulation (using both those words in their actual definitions, not just as random buzzwords lol) being given the flower crown edit effect. especially since he’s hurt the characters i care about a lot.

ANYWAY all of that being said (this got LONG im so sorry op) i am so so excited to get dream’s pov, because although i disagree with his actions strongly i actually find dream’s character very interesting and cool, and watching his POV is going to insanely fun. i cannot wait to see what theories get confirmed or denied

ALSO incase it wasn’t clear this is all /nm at you! you seem lovely and smart, and neither of us can help what characters we get attached to :]

[missanabanana]

If anyone ever sees this it'll probably get alot of hate, and tbh im not really looking for a discussion just trying to get this off my chest, but I don't hate the John Walker character from FATWS.

And it just doesn't make sense, up until he straight up murdered that guy I had nothing against him.

He got put in a strange new role that no one could guide him and no one knew the rules to it, and Sam being mad at him was petty, like you gave it up man, and yeah you thought no one was going to use it, so it sucks the military lied to him, but then he should have been mad at the military and brought it up with them not doing everything to undermine John walker

Which is another thing that is against him, not only is he in a role that he didn't choose, didn't sign up for, was picked for and as a good military person said yes and did his duty, but the only two who properly worked the first Captain America, and most likely have a lot of respect in the military treat him like garbage.

They are facing a threat that is international so technically avengers level, and John now has that clearance with the shield, and they are giving him nothing, and he is doing everything by the books and trying to be respectful but they keep treating him like crap.

So yeah he starts to crack, you see home become ruder and more curt to them, like damn I would too

Then he gets his *** handed to him, and the not even soldiers line makes me feel bad, like given this impossible role, and he doesn't feel like he lives up to it already, but then when facing threats he should be able to take down, like regular people, he still fails and that, that just sucked

And up till then i really had no issue with him, even the wanting the serum part, like duh, he's facing insane threats and insane expectations, like it makes sense, likes Sam you fly, and have an ai robot, ofc you don't want nor need the serum( love Sam tho don't get me wrong) and he has a Frisbee

So right up till then no issues, but he's murdered someone, and honestly haven't even finished 6 cuz im really mad at how they treat him, but yeah what he did was awful, but the way Carly murdered his friend( and also burned that whole building of people, that sicko) and looked like a scared baby (which they did for a reason) and then he gets upset by his friends murder and they decided to villianise him sucks

Im losing my train of thought, anyways, John suck but only and only because of the murder, and its not because he murdered a man but the how, it wasn't in the heat of battle, but he chased him down just to get revenge (and yeah his best friend died) and it was also a really cruel way to die

But other than that he was wasn't awful, and then on top of that how Sam and James took back the shield was disgusting and just brings back the feeling bad for him, like he knew what he did was wrong , they should've gone back to the us and let them deal with it, he probably would have, but they only thought of the shield and broke his arm

And yes he was dangerous at that point, and should disarm him, but still they did it awfully

Also if it was Steve, like still alive and someone had just killed bucky like that and he went off to finish the job aint nobody was gonna be this pressed, which I totally get, we know Steve so people like Steve, but i find people refused to give walker a chance from the get go and looking for every chance to villianize him and that sucks

It also sucks that this is how they are trying to make Sam captain, like firstly i think its useless because he is falcon and i think he is great at that and shield doesn't go with the look, but like they are obviously tearing this character down just to build his and that's jut lame writing, Sam coming into on his own would have made for a much better story, or even the guy being great at his job but realising he didn't really earn this shield and having Sam take it back would have been great

Anyways i don't love John walker, i think hes kinda a goody two shoes character, and those have never been my fave, but i think he was well written and could make for a great bad guy later in if this is how they want it, and i know that sounds contradictory, but i don't need to love a character not to hate him, he was kinda boring, so it was neutral at the beginning, and while i think he leans more in the good guy lane, a lot of great villians come from good guys, so while villianising from the get go is stupid imo because he really wasn't, but since the show so obviously wanted him to be a bad guy to make Sam look better (which is so lame- also again i like Sam) then they did it poorly, that part where he's talking to Lamar about their badges and he knows while he did it for his country it was still awful actions, was a great insight and could have definitely be used later on, especially after Lamar's death, like he's done all these 'good things' and at what cost, his conscience, his friend's life? And then he goes bad, that would have been so much more interesting to see

Anyways he's obviously now the villain and from now out i don't think there any redeeming, but from the get go? Yall was wrong to hate, or at least i don't think he deserved all of that hate.

Also side note to that Carly remark its sucks they villainies John instead of the real villain, and are trying to make us sympathetic to her, but again they want to make John the ultimate baddie in this, so they can't have any other really bad villains, which is in an interesting way to go, but again it sucks because this is how they are building up Sam to be captain America and again I find that weak.

Like i said I haven't even finished 6 so who knows how worse he gets, also this is my opinion regarding the show, not anything to do with how he is in the comics, idc if he blows up the moon in the comics and is the ultimate villain, in this show, he had real potential to be a boring good guy character

If anyone sees this please don't give me hate this is my opinion on a poorly written character arc, for a character that i think doesn't deserve half the hate he gets, i really don't want to discuss this but if anyone does, give me some constructive criticism not blataint you're wrong, also don't come for my spelling or grammar, i didn't care that much

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[kiegosbby]

Thank you for responding so fast! Could you do a bakugo(or midorya either is good) x reader fic where reader gets pregnant, then decides to leave before her s/o finds out. She leaves without a trace and only a few if any people know where she is. A few years down the line and her now former s/o stumble upon each other while she has the kid with her. Id like a better ending but do what you want!!!! I love your writing 'positive it'll be amazing!! sorry if this is oddly specific!

OH MY GOODNESS. First I love the idea! tbh I love any kind of angst of any sort so 🥰🥰 second, we simply would never do that to midorya, so bakugo angst it is. I’ll make it a good ending since most my stories are bad endings. I can’t leave you guys sad so this is for y’all 😊😊 thank you for the support !!

may we meet again.

Bakugo x f!reader

warnings: panic attack, angst, and a lot of crying

✁- - - - - - r- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

it was a cold night, turning from fall to winter.

you had been feeling off lately, but nothing out of the normal. but what had really set your nerves off was when you started having morning routine puke sessions.

your brain has been ruining wild. with bakugo competing to become top hero he would never have time for a child. he wouldn’t be able to be the father you wanted him to be. you knew what you had to do, but the difficult part was doing it.

first you had to make sure you were pregnant. you finished your shift at your daytime job. which you had took to not go insane waiting for him to come home, you went to a nearby drugstore and bought a test. you rushed home to take it before bakugo got home.

you entered your house, you were nervous, you were shaking badly. You were letting your nerves get the best of you. what if you weren’t pregnant and you were just overreacting? you and bakugo would be fine.

you walked into the bathroom, and quickly peed on the stick, set it on the counter and waited for it to decide your fate.

you sat down on the cold tile floors and waited, thinking of all the possibilities that could happen. if you weren’t pregnant you and bakugo could be happy, he could focus on becoming number one hero, and you could be there to help him. but if you were pregnant you’d have no choice but to leave. he doesn’t need a burden like that to keep him from being the hero he wanted to be. you didn’t even know if bakugo wanted kids. he didn’t seem like a family kinda guy. you were scared shitless.

you cleared your head and looked up at the counter, it had definitely been longer then needed. you reached up slowly grabbing the test. You faced it away from you until you were settled on the tile again.

you slowly turned it around, sucking a deep breath in and holding it.

there was two lines. you were fucked.

you started hyperventilating, this was the worst case scenario. what were you going to do? you couldn’t breathe you gasped trying to get air in but nothing was happening. tears were streaming down your face, and you shoved the test in your pocket, going outside to try and get air, you needed something something to get you out of this state.

you went outside and the cold air hit your lungs and it felt like millions of needles. Your breathing slowed down and you were calming down now. until you heard the door open. fuck.

bakugo walked in, two take out bowls of ramen in his hand, and he had a smile on his face. you couldn’t leave now, you can’t break him like that.

you quickly wiped your tears before taking a few deep breaths, and preparing yourself to go into the house and face your lover.

you walked inside trying to act normal, and you almost broke when he pulled you into a tight hug and gave you a quick kiss. maybe you could stay and raise it together, be happy.

your mood started to lighten until you both sat down and started talking about how work was.

“I raised a rank today baby! Isn’t that so exciting? I’m going to be working a few more hours so I hope you don’t mind do you?” he had a smile on his face, how could you ruin this? you couldn’t. you had to follow along.

you smiled “of course baby, I’m so excited for you. And working a few more hours wouldn’t help me at all” you put your hand under the table, pinching yourself to stop yourself from crying. biting back the tears, you finished your meal quickly and sat on the couch. Just wanting to relax and enjoy these last few moments.

bakugo came and sat down next to you, pulling you into his lap cuddling you. you let out silent tears and burned the feeling into your body.

the next day as bakugo got ready for work, you stayed by his side and touched him as much as you can, making him look weird at you.

“what’s wrong baby? your acting weird” he said and pulled you in a tight hug thinking you just needed extra attention.

“im gonna miss you katsuki that’s all” you mumbled trying to hold everything back as long as you could.

“I’ll be home soon princess don’t worry, I have a short day today I shouldn’t be long.” he kissed your forehead and grabbed his stuff to walk out the door.

“bye I love you princess” He said and with that he left.

you quickly gathered everything you needed, some clothes your toiletries and anything else you needed.

you quickly took a piece of paper and wrote bakugo a quick note.

‘bakugo, I’m sorry for how this had to end. I love you but this is for the best.

may we meet again. ‘

you shakily put the note down and grabbed your bag and left.

~time skip 4 years later~

after you left, you moved to America. leaving your life behind you tried to move on only telling a couple of your friends.

you had given birth on Halloween and had a beautiful baby boy. you named him suki. the nickname his father had. You wanted to remember him somehow.

you and suki had to move back to Japan, you had a huge work promotion and couldn’t deny it. you were scared that you would see him, and he would take your son away. you had coke something so horrible, and you wish you could take it back. Maybe his reaction would have been different then you thought. maybe he would have expected you.

you looked the same as you did the day you left. nothing had changed. Your son looked like bakugo, and it honest scared you. His hair, his eyes, everything. The only thing he got from you was his nose. so if bakugo saw you and your son, you were utterly screwed.

you and suki were walking through the park, it was a bright day and you thought it was a perfect day to go for a walk.

you and suki sat down at a bench and he laid his head in your lap looking up at the clouds. you closed your eyes and smelled the air.

“y-y/n?”

your eyes shot open and fear ran through your body.

“bakugo?” you said nervously, he was wearing his hero costume and looked like he was on patrol.

“Mommy look it’s ground zero!” your son jumped off your lap and ran towards him, pushing his arms out.

“I have a quirk like yours! I want to be a hero like you one day!” suki said happily, finally getting to see his idol.

“oh is that right little kid? show me your quirk” bakugo crouched down going eye level with your son.

he stuck his arm out and sparks flew from his hand “isnt it so cool! Mommy said that I’m going to be in a hero course!” your son was so happy, you hated that you took him away from this.

“Suki why don’t you let me talk to ground zero for a second come sit on the bench and wait for mommy” he went and sat down at the bench waiting for you

“I can explain jus-“

“explain! Explain why you have a fucking kid who looks exactly like me??” he was whisper yelling. trying not to disturb your son.

“the day before I left, I found out I was pregnant and I didn’t want to stop you from accomplishing your dreams to become a hero so I did what I thought was best and left.. I regret it everyday.” you started crying softly and avoided eye contact. you were embarrassed. you felt so stupid.

“Y/n listen to me. no matter what I want you in my life. I wish we could go back and change it but please let me be in your guys life. I’m a mess without you I need you. I want to get to know him and be a great dad for him please” he was begging at this point you were shocked, you thought he would hate you not want to see you not want anything to do with you but this? This is more than you could ever want

“Bakugo i would love a second chance. I would do anything to be like how we used to.” He stared to tear up, you’ve never seen him liek this before.

“I missed you so much” he pulled you in for a hug, wrapping his arms around you never wanting to let you go.

“I missed you to” your son got up, and ran over to the both of you.

“yay mommy we’re giving hugs!” He ran and hugged both of your legs.

you closed your eyes, hoping this moment would never end.