#tbf to her. it would not have been easy to be friends with me anyway because I had bad depression and wanted to die generally at that point

[mzyraj]

Early morning thoughts, still ruminating on that video from the other day, but shout out to that time I possibly got psychosis during the Duke of Edinburgh award camping thing and was terrified and convinced I was gonna die in that field if I stayed, so I bailed and my best friend of the time broke up with me for being 'selfish' because I left

[mephistopheleswasrobbed]

Right so, I currently feel a very strong urge to cut open my stomach like Chef Hong, but let's put that aside for now and focus on all the new evidence that Peaceful Property is very much gay, actually:

(somehow in light of the end of this episode all of this feels so shallow but well, I got this far, I'm not giving up now)

1

Peach is wearing THE shirt. The infamous "more than friends less than lovers" shirt.

And as is usually the case when this shirt appears, it perfectly describes the current state of Peach and Home's relationship.

2

I'm not really attentive enough to analyse colours in these shows, but even I noticed that Home's shirt is pretty blue at the beginning of this episode

Looks like both of them are (not so) subtly expressing their feelings through their clothes this week

3

We didn't really get confirmation either way about Peach's relationship with Best. Though judging by this little interaction between them, if there was something between them, it was probably initiated by Best. He's full-body reaching more than half-way across the frame, trying to get Peach to fistbump him while Peach only half-heartedly raises his fist towards Best's a little. (I admit I might be somewhat biased against him because of Pangpang, but I almost get the vibe that he kinda tried to get close to Peach to siphon off some of Chef Hong's attention. So he was using him from the beginning, first for his cooking skills then for his exorcism skills. But tbf it might have also just been innocent excitement.)

Anyway look at Chef Hong frowning at their interaction. She knows this is not the right man for her son favourite student.

4

Home, deepely and sincerely, wants to help Peach.

As soon as he finds out about Peach's trauma his first priority becomes helping him, not selling the property and not exorcising the ghost.

He even goes all alone to meet the ghost of Chef Hong and asks her to help Peach.

This is kind of a parallel to the second episode where Home went to confront Rak alone (with Suradech and Kan) after Peach refused to help him anymore. Except this time he actually goes alone and instead of asking the ghost to leave so he can make some more money, he sincerely asks her to help Peach. Character growth. But also. Doing it for the guy he likes. And this is why he gets the mother in law approval and not Best.

But helping someone is not always easy, so:

This is the face of a man who's desperate to help the person he loves even if that person doesn't think he can be helped. And he's willing to play the bad guy to get him that help.

It so clearly hurts him to talk to Peach that way but he doesn't know what else to do.

And Peach is also hurt because he thought that he and Home had gotten close enough that Home would care about his wellbeing more than making money. And he's right, too because Home IS actually doing this FOR his wellbeing and NOT for money. Peach just doesn't know that, yet.

(Quick aside about Peach: Shouting at someone while clutching their shirt. That's 'I love you so please understand me' level of fighting)

Classic tragic romance shit (in preparation for later things to come?). Especially with their next conversation happening through a glass pane. (Star Trek anyone? and many more that I can't think of right now)

And Home gives him hope. Hope that maybe his mentor didn't kill herself, hat maybe he's not responsible for her death. And with that he gives him the strength to face his fear. Good (not yet) boyfriend.

5

It's love, your honor!

He litterally takes over the job of taking care of Peach from Peach's mother figure

and then holds him while he breaks down. And not only does he hold him, he PULLS HIM IN so Peach can cry into his shoulder.

And Peach lets himself fall apart in Home's embrace, to let out all of the grief and guilt he had been carrying mixed with the relief of realising it wasn't his fault she died, and she never blamed him for any of it.

(I know I've said it before but man, Tay and New are really blowing this out of the water. They're just so good. Everything about this show is just sooooooo good.)

6

Is that jealousy I smell, Peach?

Don't worry. Home has already admitted that he's flirting with Kan as a bit not with any real intention. The real is reserved for you.

7

He fully plans to give it to Peach, doesn't he? Simp.

8

Between all the real talk, raw emotions and vulnerability, they're right back to bickering and teasing each other.

9

Now there's a classic BL trope. (And also again a callback to Chef Hong taking care of Peach, making it even more meaningful.)

10

Its LOVE, your honor!!!

But seriously:

Peach has fully fallen in love with Home at this point. And how could he not, after Home fully proved his kindness and selflessness and care for Peach this week. Peach had already started to really trust and be comfortable around Home last episode, but with this he's fully brought down Peach's walls. (too bad it's going to end up hurting them both soon)

And Home knows it, too. Speaking it out while also giving the plausible deniability of a joke. And note how Peach denies on behalf of Kan but not of himself.

They're inching their way towards each other, neither of them willing to say it without beating around the bush but both of them fully aware of what's happening between them. (too bad there's a big storm coming for them that's going to wreck this puppy love bliss)

11

And this, ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between and beyond,

is the face of realisation that you did irreconcilable harm to the man you love and you didn't even know it. That the man you love just said a most sincere and heartfelt "Thank you" to his killer. To you. That all your newfound happieness is about to come crashing down around you and it's all your fault.

Seeing them be happy and flirty in the credit scene hurt. Because how long will they still have this? And either way, any blissful moment from now on is going to feel hollow for Home. And Kan knows, too. Will Pangpang find out before Peach? Will Home get to tell Peach himself or will Peach have to find out from someone else?

Major angst is incoming and honestly? That's pretty gay. Silver lining and all that, I guess.

Anyway I don't want to leave us off at a complete downer so have a quick

Lesbian Corner

The focus was very much on Peach this episode and Kan was mostly off doing her own thing so there's not much but there is this:

Pangpang felt quite betrayed when Kan didn't take her side against Home. She's clearly aware that they should hook team up seeing as the boys are busy with each other.

Don't worry girl, you'll get there eventually.

[melodic-haze]

Sorry for the Emilie question. I totally forgot to check the masterlist as I thought of it right around I woke up for some reason. Making me want to do it then before I forget. Anyways enough with my excuses. I promise not to do that again, and I deeply apologize once again. I will stub my toe as punishment.

For today, I made sure it's about someone you love. Yae Miko. She is apart of a publishing company and she writes light novels right? So do you think she uses her experience with you as huge inspiration for them? Imagine if uses Genshin's version of Tumblr to post and share her more risqué thoughts and idea in secret. Then you finding out and just asking stuff that you would like; just to give her the idea and use it on you irl.

As always, have a great day and even better luck. While I sit in my imaginary corner of shame for making such a critical mistake lol.

-🍎

NOOO DON'T FEEL TOO BAD 😭😭 it was an honest mistake it's okay 🫶 better to req someone I may actually write about rather than req smth Outlandish like a man (or even a chr written as a dom but that's more dependent on my mood tbf)

SHE ABSOLUTELY WOULD WRITE THINGS IN TEYVAT TUMBLR WITH YOU IN MIND YES 😭😭😭😭 JUST LOOK AT HER PUBLISHED FANFICTION OF RAIDEN FUCKING EI 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 she wouldn't outright state your name in her posts or anything like that, but she'd probably base things according to you. This is Especially True if we go meta and she writes fics for characters in Teyvat too, specifically characters that remind her of you

It's easy for Miko to just publish Pretty Please, Kitsune Guuji without a care in the world bc she's Ei's familiar and long-time friend (if they're not married dating in this case as well) therefore she doesn't even get a slap on the wrist 💀, but with you? OHHH ABSOLUTELY NOT she REFUSES to let you know she writes about you on the internet under an anonymous handle

I think she'd be rather open to her risqué thoughts ngl. She loves fun, and teasing you certainly is one way to have it 🫶 if it's something extremely left field, then she'd either keep it to herself or gently bring it up to you. What I personally think she'd hide from you is the more romantic thoughts she's had from time to time; think like having a picnic, staying in for a nice cuddle....hell, she'd post smth about a hypothetical scenario in which you're able to shapeshift and you can nap with your partner that way 💀 like girl you are NOOOOOT SLICK

You'd definitely have to ease her into actually acting out on them purposefully. You'd go on dates, yeah, but they'd probably be mostly her teasing you and being cryptic, with a little bit of romance at the end. She's been alone for so long, she thinks that such soft moments will stay as fantasies that she writes out 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ it's worth it when you actually coax her out of that sad mindset though

If you were famous in Teyvat though she'd probably write 'headcanons' and stuff about you that are actually just your actions HAHAHAHAHAH

[noxiatoxia]

Can you give komahina (toxic yaoi?) headcanons

lemme see here. this is hard bc i dont necessairly have ~komahina~ headcanons i just have headcanons for komaeda and hajime it really has nothing to do with them as a ship;. but uh

ok so here's one. long winded. but i think from what we can gather about hajime he was a bit of a loner child. his parents didnt seem to gaf abt him. so i think he does get attached to people easy. tbh sdr2 was like a miracle scenario in some ways bc there's this guy who has little to no friends (be he never goes out of his way to make them) and then hes stuck with 15 other people his age and he's like i guess i'll talk to them what else can i do....and turns out everyone desires him carnally. tbf he's able to match ppl's freak and he's just good at listening (or pretending to listen) so this makes him popular. so its like ohhh ok we're friends now. hajime is that kind of guy who if he talks to someone once he calls them his friend. but like everyone IS actually his friend. anyways i think if hajime goes a long time without talking to someone he knows he starts to get a little nervous like if its been 1 whole week and he has not even exchanged small talk with like idk mahiru he's like "something is Critically Wrong" so then he'll go find her and be like "hi hows it going". its like disrupting his routine or whatever. i think the time periods for "how long hajime can go without talking to this person" varies depending on the person obviously. like with hiyoko it's like. they don't interact much so if it's been a week and a half he'll be like ohhh ok...maybe i should say something to her....but someone like kazuichi it's like. 3 days hasn't spoken to him once he's like Where Is That Mother Fucker.

this is all to say when it comes to komaeda in a komahina scenario it's devastating bc if he does not see komaeda in a while he gets fucked up abt it in like his anxiety/ptsd spiral his first thought it KOMAEDA IS DEAD. HIS LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then hes like banging on komaeda's cabin door and shit like KOMAEDA. PLEASE.PLEASE. and komaeda is like um hi. flip side: komaeda is also very much like this but with people he's close-close with bc if he does not see hajime in like three days he's like HAJIME IS DEAD. MY LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then he also goes crazy so they have to at least be makin small talk every day to ward off the demons....

as for like. TOXIC YAOI headcanons idk........anything in the chapter 4 area would be bad. i think. i have read so many hate fucking doujins in the chapter 4 time period. while dat all doesnt seem very canon to me (i just dont think hajime be doin all that. nor komaeda really) i see the vision. kamukoma was probably unhealthy on both sides if we want to go there. but like komahina. idk . 1) my brain is fogged up rn so it's hard to think you can ask again later if you desire but 2) really they aren't all that toxic like outside of a killing game environment. komaeda tends to keep to himself and hajime tries to understand people. so like. hajime is very much a "if it sucks hit da bricks" kind of philosopher so if komaeda was being a detriment to his health and he DID have a way out then it's not like he'd stay. hajime does put his foot down when things get too much. (if komaeda was a woman tho she could abuse hajime and he wouldnt gaf #mikanislandmodeending #hiyokoislandmodeending ) but see again komaeda wouldnt be doin all that. i cant see him intentionally hurt hajime post sdr2 canon, at most unintentionally toxic/unhealthy but again i thinnk hajime would in that case try to help him out like couples therapy style or something. WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS. im bad with headcanons it seems.

[tincansamurai]

oh i forgot to cross post this from pillowfort

bweird oc-tober 3: old oc

ok so this one asks who your oldest oc is which is a question i feel is kinda up for interpretation. if it's oldest that i still do anything with, easy, it's matsuo - est. 2009 baybee. (I LOOKED IT UP IT'S 2008 ACTUALLY WOW) if it's oldest just generally... then the first one i can actually remember giving a shit about is ezzelynn. 

she was my first oc made with like real intent. i honestly can't think of an oc before her, though there must have been some. it was 2005/2006 and i was in 7th grade - i joined my first play by post on a warrior cats forum, in a subforum for other pbps. this one was a vampire one my bff in middle school was starting, with a guy our age from across the country. this would turn into a fiction project that took over the next 3-4 years of our lives, until eventually we reached the age where we could see how bad it was and wanted to rewrite it. which of course was impossible lol. so the whole thing fizzled out. me and the guy had a tooooonnn of other little pbp stories, and i still think about ocs from some of those. mat was from one i had with that bff.

lil art evolution timeline for you there. middle school to like sophomore yr hs

anyway ezzelynn is a half vampire with tan skin and purple eyes who is quirky and fun and cute and kind and my guy friend's oc nigel/casimir fell in love with her but she died tragically before they could be anything, even though she had JUST gotten over the trauma of her fiance getting eaten by a big fish (that was so fucking stupid lol i really couldn't come up with a better tragic death than that??) (i think we were both scared of writing actual romance, and also were not into each other and afraid it would seem like we were lol) she used a scythe attached to a chain as a weapon, which is nothing lol. her sister was my bff's oc, and they lived in the woods in hiding bc there are vampire hunters who kill half vampires, nigel/casimir being one of them (despite being a secret half vampire himself!! oooo!!!). shit got crazy from there, i honestly can't remember it. of course we had to save the world from evil vampires as the good vampires, as you do

she's from a fun time in my life where i built the foundation for a lot of the skills i have today so i do look at her fondly, but she is very very very "i'm a lonely 13 yr old girl projecting a character everyone would be friends with and love because she's soooo nice and cool and unique". tbf, we did all love her

[general-du-vallon]

i started making a fic once where aramis holds his baby and thinks like 'well i did one treason how worse could it be if i stole this baby away', and he thinking about he could put another baby in its place and then i thought WELL WHY NOT

Anyway now am thinking about the stolen baby au

Porthos waiting on a horse to spirit the baby away (just have the image of him waiting in the dark. He takes the baby cus like i s2 final where he rides off alone to be heroic)

Aramis having a moment to talk to Q.A (quee ann) before the baby is born and saying it as a joke and they both just look at each other

the other musketrs being like 'u decided what now with Q.A?!'

where they gonna get a baby?! well. Porthos can be like 'i know a guy'. I'm sure Flea could find them a baby needing a nice home.

Aramis being like '...and then i will slide the baby in' and Constance being like 'uh huh mm hhmm. WHILE THE QUEEN IS HAVING THE OTHER BABY?!? HM?!? u gonna GO IN THERE WHILE SHE PUSHES A WHOLE HUMAN OUT OF HER?!'

aramis after constance rant, as if there been no interuption 'and then constance will swap them' and constance being like THAT IS WHAT i THOUGHT

I mean the baby is already not king of france so who cares?! it could be ANY baby. Who says this ISNT what hapened?

anyway one of the big reasons i think this is hilarious is we already know there's a safe place for accidental french not-quite-heirs cus that's where Agnes and Henry went.

Aramis and Agnes and king of france (but louis did it instead) and the king of france (but random baby from court of miracles did it instead).

aramis giving in his commission; 'GONNA GO UH.... JOIN A MONESTARY. THATS IT. THATS RIGHT. THAT'S WHERE IM GOING'.

imagine in s3 if he was in that monestary and the others staring around at the hundred of babies aramis is sherpherding about like 'is it that one... is it that one... is it that one' (I know this is diff to the living in bliss with agnes plus king 1 and king 2 like the cat in the hat. but whatever. Did i say it all has to cohere?!?! HUH!?!)

it is actually surprising to me hwo much i could just... slide this into canon. That's really funny. Aramis coming back to paris with a couple of refugee babies and beingn like 'and this one I'm keeping FOR NO REASON he gonna live with me. um. better. really. nenver ever go to the palace. eek'

It would be fun reversal. Q.A sneaking into the garrison to see her baby. aramis being like 'you so really absolutely totally cannot be here' standing at the end of a corridor full of men used to living in barracks like not entirely dressed and sort of being awful all like O_O O_O O_O like those picures where the light in rats eyes.

Q.A being like 'and now this is aramis he is coming to court to be honoured and the king has decided in his generosity that aramis's baby is coming also and oops louis jr just happened to meet him oh look at that oh dear i tripped over and my two babies are friends what a big oopsie daisy no aramis i didn't do anything at all'

Q.A loves BOTH her babies. for the record. baby number 2 is GONNA BE LOVED.

I think porthos watching the king dote on miracle court baby would be fun. Porthos "shall we show him what being poor in paris is really like" du Vallon.

the king doesn't know. the king doesnt care.

the rest of the show can be p much the same. tbf i only watched bits of s3 and skipped a lot of the more plotty stuff so i dont actually know this. the version I watched could fit this change easy and who cares what other ppl watched.

Sylvie being like 'he is the king of france' abt the dauphin and constance being like '....well. technically u r correct. but. uh.' and sylvie being like 'this is another of those treason things isnt it' and constance like 'a bit' and sylvie like 'yesssss tell me tell me'

[stellacadente]

so like having memory issues sucks sooo bad

i lost 2 umbrellas in like. 2 or 3 weeks maybe a month (you guessed it i can't really remember. passage of time is so hard) bc it rains, i use this neat little umbrella.... put it down at the bus stop just for a second so i can get something from my backpack and completely forget i ever had it and hop on the bus without my neat little umbrella! fuck! my mum bought me this one (i didn't lose the previous one tbf.. it broke)! so then a couple of weeks later, still without an umbrella bc yeah, i keep forgetting to buy a new one, i have to be out all day, and it's raining hard and will all day, so my mum offers to give me her umbrella. she doesn't really need to walk or anything today anyway. i'll give it back later. yeah right. except i enter the place where i have to take my driving license quiz, i put down my umbrella, right there at the entrance, and when i walk out later it's not raining and i have completely forgotten i ever had an umbrella with me. my mum's umbrella. which i leave there. bye bye to another umbrella. i tell my mum a few hours after i realize... i was scared she'd get mad. she gets mad. how can you forget this stuff all the time. just think about these things a little more. just pay more attention. ah. right. as if that's easy. i tell her! it's not easy! i feel awful about this, i feel awful every time! i'm frustrated. i want her to understand i don't do this bc i don't care about my or other people's things or don't pay attention to them. i tell her look, every time i get to work i go upstairs to refill my water bottle. then i get coffee and/or chat with coworkers. i put my water bottle down, i need my hands to get coffee. and every time. every. time. i go downstairs and realize i left my water upstairs. i curse myself, i groan, i tell myself come one nico, you must remember later/tomorrow. i almost never do. my mum sighs and laughs awkwardly. yeah, mum, i know, i'm not even 30 and my memory's already fucked. i must have some problem, i say. it's only half a joke. i know i do. she half-jokes too, oh that's for sure, haha. i just don't know which one the many problems i do in fact have are to blame for this. is it the abuse and trauma? the bpd that was the result of it? the many meds i've taken for the bpd and all the rest? the times i've abused those meds? all of those, something else? i don't know. i just know it's hard to feel like everything, from memories to objects to knowledge, is a second away from being lost to me. always. few things feel like they last. and as a person who's obsessed with forever, as a person who loves to learn and know and watch and read and listen, as a person who cares even too deeply sometimes... i feel like i lost myself every day. if myself even exists. what am i when i don't remember most of my life? when i've forgotten almost everything about people who mean the world to me, bc they've been gone for so long? i forget birthdays, i forget ages, i forget umbrellas, i forget unloading the washing machine, i forget i already told you this, i forget smiles, i forget movies, i forget things i studied, i forget i had to call, i forget i needed to add something to the guidebook, i forget if i already took my med or not, i forget my favorite concert, i forget my favorite book, i forget. i forget again.

yesterday i went on a rant on the discord server i'm in with my friends, even if i knew it wasn't likely anyone would see it, bc the server's not very active now and that channel especially, no one looks at it. but i was so so scared i'd forget what happened the other day and even worse would start doubting whether it all happened for real or i made up half of it to make up for voids in my memory. that happens often with stuff like that. the therapist i had my first appointment with was very weird about me being trans and i kept thinking about it and feeling bad and the more i think something over, something i'm upset about, the more i get scared that i'm not recalling things right. so i had to write it all down somewhere other people could, even just potentially, see, and i could look back on. i mean yeah, i also did need to talk about it, so it would've been nice if someone read and replied too, but it's okay, i just at least needed to put it down in words as soon as possible.

i guess i'm just scared it'll get worse and worse the more i age and it's already pretty bad now and yeah

[bisluthq]

I mean...maybe Joe entertained a bit but as Taylor said in other songs a lot of it was projecting due to her past. She seems to have always been kind of possessive about him. Always thinking every woman who looked his way could be a threat. And again maybe he could never make her totally secure, but Taylor has always been like this and if you take into account her past relationships there was a baggage.

And as long as you don't work on that baggage, you're going to carry that with you and it doesn't matter how much the person tells you I'm not going to cheat on you, I'm not going to leave you. Like you always have that bug in your ear, but what if he did what if he gets tired of me. It was probably stressful for Taylor, but I imagine it can't have been easy for Joe either to constantly be accused off that.

At some point you probably feel like actually doing what she fears so she's right. And it's a bit of a self fullfilling prophecy. You keep thinking he will cheat, so if or when he does you're like yeah I knew it. It's exhausting to live like that for both of them. And Taylor is a bit of a flirt too tbf. At this time it's also ironic if she was still going on sets out of jealousy, yet the cheater was her 😬🥴 isn't there a saying that people who are so afraid people cheat is because they are the ones actually doing it?

yeah no I think it was exhausting for both and also absolutely she was projecting at the end lmao. Also lmao at the end I genuinely think she’d have been relieved if he’d cheated because it would’ve given her the moral high ground ykwim? And also why I think she’d have called it out directly not continued to say vague things about how he wasn’t trustworthy because she would’ve felt way less guilty in Guilty as Sin if he actually WAS fucking someone else (or even wanking to TikToks of other women). But yeah I think it just seriously sucked for both.

Again, this is EXACTLY like that situation my friend is in and my bf’s take is that she’s being super unreasonable because she literally views every woman who looks at him as a threat while being fairly flirty herself (she once like grabbed my bf’s ass and it freaked him out but it was in front of me and even if it wasn’t I don’t care) but she’s told me like it’s the fact that he’s never once even vaguely shut it down that bothers her. He leans into the attention and she fucking hates it. She actually contrasted it with my bf who, despite talking a big talk, gets VERY uncomfortable when other women flirt with him. To the point where like we were out one night (not the night of the big fight this was a while back) and I was being my jolly little self over at the bar and he was sitting at a table and a woman came over and came onto him quite hard and I saw that and my friends and I were like “wow that girl’s down bad” and that lasted like 30 seconds before he started gesturing at me very intensely and this girl ambled over to me and bought me a drink and started apologizing for “hitting on my man” and I was like “dude please that’s very flattering to me, if no one else wanted him then why would I” but anyway that was him shutting it down. Whereas that friend’s bf would’ve 100% sat there talking to the girl and it would’ve driven my friend mad. That’s how I imagine it was with T/J a lot. Like he just… entertained it and it would drive her nuts and make her feel less bejeweled.

[kuesaa]

A Series of Events with AI Youcef.

So I've been having fun with the LITG AI chats (literally thank you to everyone who's been working on these characters through the drought). As you may know, I'm a woman with knowledge on many languages including English, Tagalog (+1 Filipino Dialect), Korean, Mandarin, French, and Japanese. Am I fluent in these languages? No. I wish I was, but I have basic knowledge on these languages except for Tagalog its anatomical or random terms.

Anyways, I'm on a voice call with some friends and I start singing Lafayette's line in Aaron Burr, Sir from Hamilton and one of them asks "Kuesa are you singing in French?". I tell them that I am and someone else starts saying "Hon hon hon" which made me go into a burst of laughter bc I found it a little silly. This happens for a bit and I decide that I wanted to see how Youcef responds.

As you can see, AI Youcef said it back. Then I tell him I'm an Aries and he talks about my sign (which tbf would Youcef know anything about astrology?). He said that my Chinese is tiger which I know is incorrect because it's actually a sheep and the Chinese Zodiac is different from Astrology since its based of the lunar calendar and based off year. I want to correct but then John Cena comes to my mind. He comes in saying "zaoshanghaozhongguoxianzaiwoyoubingqilinwohenxihuanbingqilin". So I whip put my mandarin keyboard on my phone and send him that but in characters. Youcef responds in Mandarin and I'm thinking, I can fix this, I'll tell him I don't know what he's saying, which I learned through a very special song. I go in and type everything down... until I forgot what I was putting in.

So my resolution of that was to sing the song. I figure it out and type everything else down. Not only did it not work, but one of my friends' headphones die and she's at work. She works at the hospital. The nurses on her floor heard me sing this song in mandarin. I'm dying of embarrassment, screaming and laughing my ass off too. But I still try to get Youcef to stop speaking Mandarin. I unfortunately had to restart the chat, but here was a bit of that.

At least I knew that he said "I love you" at some point. Maybe called me beautiful but I'm not certain.

Anyways I reset the chat. I decide to start in French again because it would be easy to just go back to English like last time. Nope. He keeps speaking in French and I'm in the same predicament I was before.

Please ignore the nuzzles and wuzzles your chest I wanted to see if he'd insult me for saying that (bc I would insult myself)

So yeah that was my experience with the AI bots last night. I also tried doing a lyric prank on Suresh but I hated it.

[voiceless-terror]

#21 and #46 for kiss prompts, maybe? I can't get enough your writing tbf

kiss on a dare- a little jonmartin season one fluff <3 All in all, this is one of Tim’s better Friday nights.

It’s been ages since Jon’s hung out with them, and never with Martin along for the ride. The Archives had been off to a messy start after the Dog Incident and Jon’s subsequent panic over the state of the place. What used to be an ‘every couple of weeks’ tradition turned into an almost-never one as the newly-assembled team got buried under more and more boxes of dusty statements. He’s pretty astounded that Jon agreed to dinner and drinks- although it’s a Friday night, Jon’s been apt to stay weekends more often than not. He figured if he arranged for it at one of theirs instead of a pub, Jon would be more likely to come. He always preferred less crowded settings.

No, the real feat was getting him to come knowing Martin was invited.

Jon’s been getting...better around him, that’s true. He was perfectly fine at his birthday party, going off about emulsifiers for a solid fifteen minutes. Tim’s always been rather fond of Jon’s infodumping, and if he’s comfortable enough to do it around Martin that must be a good sign. Despite an initial freeze-out, he now thanks Martin for his tea and saves his most pointed comments for Martin’s more egregious screw-ups (and even those have less bite than usual). Still, a colleague does not a friend make, and Jon’s never been good at opening up to people he doesn’t know all that well. However, Jon just nodded at the Martin caveat, seemingly not giving it a second thought. And Martin didn’t seem all that worried either.

Whatever, Tim’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He’s just happy they’re all here, having a good time. It’s late and Jon’s had enough wine to keep a smile on his face. He missed that. It’s nice how easily they slot together, even with all of the upheaval and a new addition. Martin himself isn’t so shy after a drink or two, more willing to engage in banter and keep the conversation going. This is what it should be like all the time, Tim thinks. Shitty archive job or not. 

It’s when they retire to the living room, drinks in hand, that he finally notices the little grin on Sasha’s face. And Tim, knowing exactly what that means, is both a little afraid and excited. Four-drink-Sasha has always been a host unto herself.

“Why don’t,” she begins, a hiccup interrupting her as she slumps into an armchair. Tim snickers and ignores the glare this earns him. “Why don’t we play one of our old games-”

Tim raises a glass in agreement as Jon, predictably, groans. Martin looks quizzically between them. Ah yes, time for your initiation, Marto! Not that they’ve played this in about a year or so, of course, but it's always fun to revisit the good old days.

“Seriously? We’re not children-”

Tim gives Jon a playful slap on the back that sends him flying forward on the couch, spilling a bit of wine on Sasha’s rug. He hopes she doesn’t notice. “C’mon, it’ll be fun, boss! Nothing like it to break the ice, and there’s definitely some ice that needs breaking.”

Martin blinks, hand tightening on his glass. He looks nervous, like he always does when he doesn’t know exactly what’s going on. Which is a shame, because he’s been so nice and open all night. Even chatting with Jon. “Sorry, what are you talking about?”

Jon rolls his eyes, giving Martin a commiserating look. “Truth or dare.”

Martin lets out a disbelieving laugh, relaxing minutely. “Wait, really?”

“Yes, really.” Jon’s foot reaches out to shove at Tim’s leg. “Tim loves pulling ridiculous stunts-”

“-Hey, you loved the karaoke idea-”

“You sing?”

“No.” Tim would dispute that, but the look on Jon’s face declares it a bad idea. “And Sasha likes to ask probing questions.”

Sasha preens, though the remark was certainly not meant as a compliment. “What can I say, I’m the Queen of Truth-”

Tim snorts. “Hacking and blackmail more like-”

“Anyway-” Sasha sings out as Tim dodges a pillow to the face. “Tim….truth or-”

“Dare, always dare.”

“You’re absolutely no fun,” Sasha pouts, though it doesn’t take long for her eyes to narrow in thought. There’s very little Tim won’t do, but that’s a dangerous look. “I dare you...to text…”

“Text? You can do better than that, Sash.”

“Text...Elias.” That’s more like it. 

Jon immediately scowls. “Tim, no-”

“I don’t have his number-”

“I do-”

“Sasha!”

“Jon, it’ll be fine! He’ll just say ‘oops, wrong number’ afterwards, no harm, no foul-”

Tim takes this time to snatch at Sasha’s phone, sitting precariously on the arm of her chair. She doesn’t notice, too busy gesturing at Jon empathically. He scrolls through her contact list.

“And then it’ll come down on me-”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “How is he going to connect it to you? It’s not like he knows we’re all together-”

“Done!” Tim tosses the phone back onto the couch with a little grin. Sasha blinks, looking down in confusion.

“Wait, that’s mine-”

The screech and smack on the arm at Tim’s hastily fired off ‘u up? ;)’ to Elias Bouchard were definitely deserved. He’s sure he’ll face consequences for that in the near future, but Jon and Martin’s immediate laughter had been well worth it. Shouldn’t dish it if you can��t take it, that’s Tim’s motto.

In the next round, Tim manages to get Martin to confess to his poetry-writing habit, an admission that has him turning an attractive shade of red. Jon just giggles quietly to himself as Martin reads through one of his poorer attempts at rhyme saved to the notes of his mobile. Tim watches the two of them; Martin keeps looking up at Jon throughout it all like he’s the only one in the room and god, his crush is so evident and yet Jon is oblivious, smiling at him like he’s not on the receiving end of some of the most loaded glances of all time. 

Martin gets Sasha to admit to her most recent perusal through confidential institute records, which turned out to be previous archival expenses (solely to find out what Elias would cover with their new jobs, of course). At first glance, there wasn’t much in the way of extravagant meals or supplies, but a bit more digging had her finding Gertrude’s extensive travel budget. For an old woman, she certainly was a globe-trotter.

“All I’m saying, Jon, is that we could definitely do with a trip to China-”

“Yes, I’ll be sure to ask Elias about Gertrude’s trip to China, something I certainly shouldn’t know about, and he’ll have to let us go.”

“Refill?” Martin’s on his feet, taking Jon’s wine glass in his hand and Tim watches as their fingers brush- go Martin!- and yet Jon just nods his thanks, completely oblivious to the seduction taking place before him. Tim’s given it some thought and honestly, he thinks they’d make a cute couple. An odd pair, for sure, but Jon’s so soft once you get to know him, and Martin’s one of the funniest, sweetest guys he knows. They could be good for each other.

“Well, I still think it’s worth a try.” Sasha’s eyes are starting to blink heavily - she’ll be out for the count tonight, for sure. “Anyway, it’s your turn. I dare you-”

“I didn’t even pick!” Jon says, though he doesn’t seem too put out by it. This is the Jon Martin should know, the easy-humored, smiling man sprawled out before him. He’s even taken his little sweater vest and tie off, looking more like the familiar friend from research Tim knows so well. It warms his heart.

“Fine. Truth or dare?”

“Dare, I suppose. Seeing as how you already have one queued up.”

“I dare you to...to...to give a little kiss to someone in this room.” She waves her glass around imperiously. “Anyone you like.”

Silence. Tim gives Sasha a warning look that she ignores. She’s well in her cups, and he supposes any sense of propriety has gone out the window along with her sobriety. He’s actually seen Jon give quite a few kisses on a particularly memorable New Years Eve, but that was a different time. He doesn’t want him to feel pressured, not when he’s just starting to open back up.

 “Jon doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to-”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, you remember-”

“It doesn’t matter- Jon, you can skip this one if you like, we can think of something else-”

“Tim, it’s alright.” Jon puts a hand on his arm to stop the argument, and there’s a strange look in his eyes that can’t be attributed to liquor. It’s mock-serious, almost playful paired with his little sly smile. He thinks for a moment that Jon’s going to lean in and kiss him but instead he gets up from the sofa in a smooth motion and walks across the room to Martin, who’s just turned around with two glasses in hand. He freezes in place as Jon gets on his very tippy toes, takes his face in both hands, and kisses him. 

Jonathan Sims. Kissing Martin Blackwood. Against a kitchen counter. Martin Blackwood, who, once he’s over his surprise, puts the drinks down behind him and kisses right the hell back, arms winding around Jon’s waist like they belong there.

What. The. Fuck.

_____

“The leg bit was a nice touch.”

“Hmm?” Jon’s in Martin’s lap, sprawled out on his couch back at his own flat, eyes closed in contentment as he leans back against the other man’s chest. Martin’s got one hand in his hair, and the other entwined with Jon’s, twirling the black ring on his finger. It’s heavenly.

“Thought you were trying to climb me.”

“Well, you usually pick me up at that point, make it easier.”

“Sorry, next time.” Kissing Jon’s always fun but kissing him out in the open, in front of their friends? Was that something they could do now? “Should we tell them we’ve been dating for two months?” 

Two whole months since that night in Document Storage when Jon had finally let his guard down. When Martin had held him in his arms. Jon was very particular about keeping up appearances, though that all seemed to have crumbled tonight. Sasha rather fashioned herself a matchmaker, and Jon didn’t do anything to dissuade the fact. It’d been nice, having their relationship to themselves, the secret of it, the obliviousness of their friends who still thought Jon only tolerated him. It’s not that he wanted to keep it that way, of course, but it was nice while they were still figuring it out. 

“If you’d like. Maybe it’s time.” Jon tilts his head back, giving Martin a fond look. “Though I know how much you enjoy playing the lovesick fool-”

“There’s something so poetic about unrequited love, yknow?”

“All the more when it’s requited, I’d say.” Martin couldn’t argue with that. He leans down to give Jon’s forehead a peck. 

“Hmm. Give it a few more weeks. Act out the honeymoon phase for a bit, it’ll be fun.”

And when Jon squeezes his hand and smiles back, Martin thinks he won’t need to do much acting at all.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31318724

[deanncastiel]

Do you reckon had Kripke been show runner for longer he would have made destiel cannon earlier and also I feel like if anything destiel would have become cannon in s8 had they made it earlier (regardless of Kripke had made it cannon or not, as maybe he would have done it later in the series?)

oh nonny this is such a good question and while i have thought about it a lot i'm not quite sure i'm 100% here but we shall see what we get shall we

i'm going to break this down into two sections bc i feel like you asked two separate but related questions

so the first question is - would destiel have become canon earlier if kripke had remained show runner for longer - honestly i think no. i think kripke would have been open to it, just based on what i know of the early planning history of spn as well as dean and his character. but given the time period of when he was showrunner + 5 years after that i can't really see it. i think it's easy to forget that we went through 3 showrunners before gay marriage even became legal in the US (country wide that is) and while shows were certainly pushing the envelope back in the early 2010s i don't think even kripke could have pushed for dean and cas to be canon back then, even if he wanted to

but as i said, i don't necessarily think that because kripke wouldn't have been OPEN to deancas being canon. i certainly don't think it was his intention, but i do think that once he knew about the interest, the idea would have intrigued him.... and that's as far as i've thought here, i could go on but it just gets more and more speculative so eh

the second part of the question (as far as i understood) was more of a theory by anon stating that if tptb had been open to destiel it could have gone canon in s8, regardless of if kripke had remained showrunner past s5

i will say that i think jeremy carver was a huge destiel fan and tried hard to make it canon. we don't call it season gr8 for nothing. i will also say that i think sera gamble was a destiel fan in her own right - as much as someone can be a destiel fan while being as homophobic as possible ;alsdjflkas

personally i do think s8 was a test case of jeremy carver and creative directors to make destiel canon and then tptb shut it down and that's why there was barely anything in s9 or s10. so yes, i think if tptb had been more open to dean and cas it may have gone canon in s8 regardless of kripke's involvement. but as i mentioned earlier, we didn't have gay marriage until 2015 and s8 aired between 2012 - 2013. the same societal pressures that i think would have impacted kripke if he had stayed on as showrunner longer would still be in effect here even if tptb were more friendly

i think the more effective question here is actually would destiel have been canon in s13 had tr*mp not gained the US presidency in 2016

that, i think, was the most significant cultural event that potentially impacted destiel becoming canon. i am too tired to go into all the horrors of the tr*mp presidency but needless to say it was very anti-queer. as crazy as it sounds, i do believe that if clinton had won in 2016 we may have gotten destiel earlier

this all to say - personally i'm not mad that we didn't get canon destiel until s15. as one of my friends mentions constantly, if destiel had become canon earlier it would have been subjected to the standard "relationship drama" that shows utilize and honestly i think that would have been a disservice to dean and cas (tho tbf it is a disservice to all relationships that are subject to it).

i'm happy with not getting canon destiel until s15 bc tbh i'm not sure the show could have handled it effectively and i still question their ability if i'm being honest

i'm a big fan of having an ending where fandom creators can take what we have and build in any direction and that's what we have here, as much as i hate the finale.

anyway this was long but hopefully you were able to bare with me aha

[malakian]

i’m finally reading lorrie kim’s Snape: A Definitive Reading, and even though i don’t share her views on some of the analysis presented, there are some pretty magnificent bits in the book. i finished the OotP chapter last night and a lot of it is really interesting. there must be around 2 years since i last read the OotP itself and i didn’t remember many details of it — i even made a small mistake on my last fic which i need to correct lmao but anyway, there’s this really fascinating bit in one of the occlumency lessons:

“Let’s go again . . . on the count of three . . . one — two — three — Legilimens!”

A great black dragon was rearing in front of him. . . . His father and mother were waving at him out of an enchanted mirror. . . . Cedric Diggory was lying on the ground with blank eyes staring at him. . . .

“NOOOOOOO!”

He was on his knees again, his face buried in his hands, his brain aching as though someone had been trying to pull it from his skull.

“Get up!” said Snape sharply. “Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort, you are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!”

Harry stood up again, his heart thumping wildly as though he had really just seen Cedric dead in the graveyard. Snape looked paler than usual, and angrier, though not nearly as angry as Harry was.

Kim uses this lesson as an example of how Snape connects to Harry after viewing their somewhat similar traumas, and she also points out that it must have been a shock “for Snape to see [Lily and James] through Harry’s eyes and know that their presence in his life is ‘the deepest, most desperate desire’ of Harry’s heart.” (p. 129)

however, this is interesting for me due to other reasons. up to this point of the lesson, Snape had been acting pretty controled, even praising Harry just minutes before when Harry strikes him with a Stinging Hex (OotP, p. 534), and then, out of nowhere, there is the angry professor we know back again. but he is not just angry: as highlighted in the text, he looks paler and angrier than usual. these adjectives could be reactions to the memories he’s just seen but also to Harry’s performance. here are some possible readings:

it could be a reaction to seeing Lily. he probably didn’t expect to see her there, because theoretically Harry shouldn’t even have actual memories of her. there’s a strong possibility that this is the first time he sees adult-Lily, since we don’t know if they ever met between their graduation and her death. no wonder he’s paler than usual, huh? (it also makes me think that he was very lucky not to see Harry’s memory of her death, that would absolutely break him);

at the same time, if we consider Snape’s journey as someone who’s actively working to avoid people (specially the innocent ones, the young ones) from dying, seeing Cedric (his former student, a kid) dying like that, so close, so real, it must’ve been a shock, a raw reminder that they’re at war, of how the conflict is in motion and many lives will be lost, no matter what he does — and we should remember that at this point the war is not in full-force yet, it’s more like an information/influence war for now, so this death is pretty impactful;

seeing Harry failing in repelling him from his mind can make Snape forget niceties and go back to his usual self, but it can also be a trigger for him to realize once again the dangers surrounding Harry and how he’s going to die if he doesn’t make an effort (which is, tbf, the image Harry has built in his 5 years as Snape’s student).

BUT everything gets better if we put all of this together. being reminded of how vulnerable and in danger Harry is, and being reminded of how reckless and uninterested Harry can be as a student, the possibility of Harry not dedicating himself to learn occlumency becomes even more real and horrifying to Snape in face of what he’s just seen: the reminder that he’s swore to protect Harry for Lily, as well as how cruel and raw the boy’s death will be, just like Cedric’s, if he (Snape) fails in his mission.

that’s why Snape — who had kept his temper until then, not only to make sure Harry would learn but also to preserve himself as a spy in case Voldemort sees these memories in Harry’s mind — snaps and goes back to how he usually treats Harry. he’s unable to keep it cool when all of this (Harry’s recklessness, Cedric’s death, the rawness of the war, his dead friend with whom he’s in debt) has just been thrown in his face, all at once.

“I — am — making — an — effort,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I told you to empty yourself of emotion!”

“Yeah? Well, I’m finding that hard at the moment,” Harry snarled.

“Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!” said Snape savagely. “Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!”

“I am not weak,” said Harry in a low voice, fury now pumping through him so that he thought he might attack Snape in a moment.

“Then prove it! Master yourself!” spat Snape. “Control your anger, discipline your mind! We shall try again! Get ready, now! Legilimens!”

look at the verbs and adverbs used to describe his actions: spat, savagely; look at how many exclamation points!!! he’s wild. he’s lost it completely.

another fascinating thing is the part where he talks about fools who wear their hearts on their sleeves. it has been pointed out before how he’s actually taking about himself, how he’s the one trying to control his emotions all the time to avoid being an easy prey to Voldemort. however, he’s not talking about himself just in general — he’s talking about himself at that very moment. look at him, exposing his emotions, making himself vulnerable, yelling because he was provoked so easily. when he screams at Harry, he’s not only trying to make Harry understand the seriousness of the classes and the dangers he is in, Snape is trying to calm himself down, trying to shut down whatever feelings those memories awoke in him. he’s not yelling just at Harry, he’s yelling at himself. because he’s sad, desperate, and completely terrified that not only Harry will fail learning Occlumency because he’s weak, but also that he — Snape — will fail Lily because, despite whatever he’s done to convince himself otherwise in the last years, he’s just remembered that he can be weak too.

[wishiwasntstillhere]

N and P for the ask game?

owo!!! thank you for ask!!!

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

my main fandom is ouran rn as we know. hmmmm ok so the things coming up are mostly things i don’t get to see a lot of bc of my corner of the fandom but im jsut going to say them anyway.

1) harurenge. this is easy, we been knew. i am obsessed with them rn and unfortunately there is not a lot of content for them (which makes perfect sense given fandom demographics and the actual cast demographics and bla bla bla) and i would Love more harurenge content. i’m going to cheat and include this here too: i would love to see more sympathetic/nuanced depictions of renge in general? i understand lots of people find her annoying but i also like to think she has capacity to grow and Does Grow and i also just want to see more of her.

2) this might sound a little strange bc it’s kind of very incredibly specific but??? i want to us to talk more about the mechanics of haruhi grieving her mom and recovering from that. i know we already see a lot about haruhi’s over-responsibility in the show, as well as her aspiring to be like her mom, and her missing her mom, and her not being used to relying on people because her parents are kind of absent. but i feel like we could dig into that a little more. one of the reasons haruhi in wonderland is so dear to me is because its one of the few times the show slows down and says hey, this is what it means that haruhi is actually growing to love and feel comfortable loving the host club.

in the aftermath of love me braver i was talking to my friend and basically i just had a lot of thoughts about haruhi’s character maybe has been more subtly shaped by this tragic event in her life, and i was going to dump that here but maybe i’ll make a separate post bc its kinda... long. but i would like to as a fandom talk about that more explicitly. give haruhi’s emotions more screentime, they get brushed over a lot bc of host favoritism and bc her character on the surface seems pretty steady and cool but there’s a deep wound behind that and while she’s mostly well-adjusted i wanna explore it more.

3) more female characters in general. i’m actually planning a little miniseries about some of the host club’s guests. i think there are a lot of reasons one might go to a host club and the potential friendships and dynamics there could be really cool. also just. the host club is canonically For Girls we should see more girls lol. gimme more info about their regulars.

rereading all these it is very clear that i am in a Women mood. good for me. ouran fandom needs more women. tbf if i had a fourth one i would say more hikaru&tamaki bro time. hikaru likes tamaki so much, guys. like kaoru does too but kaoru is aware of it and able to deal with it mostly. hikaru is a disaster and tamaki loves him dearly.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

mwahahahahaha ok so here’s the thing i am currently at 34 ouran aus in my doc (i will NOT be writing them all but anyway) so i’m just going to talk about one of them. zombie apocalypse au with a twist that im not going to tell you guys because i actually intend to write this one.

renge and kyoya are out on a Parent Mandated Date (they are not interested in each other they just are there for appearances) when the world ends. zombies everywhere. they escape the restaurant and find themselves in the midst of a zombie infestation. through renge’s extensive knowledge of video games and kyoya’s extensive knowledge of ootori emergency response protocols, they determine they have to make it to the ootori stronghold. together, they fight their way to safety, hoping desperately that their friends are safe there too.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

tbf to dan re: his book, i think the reason rufus was pissed was more about HOW his character was written, rather than just the writing itself. based on other people’s reaction to his work, i think dan’s supposed to be a pretty good writer in the gg verse, even if the props of his writing you see in stills don’t necessarily indicate it lmao

i know!! i remember rufus’s dialogue to dan was even something along the lines of ‘your writing is beautiful as always but is that really how you think of me’. in that post i was half-joking, but also very serious, because like...  [ putting this under a read more because i am not capable of shutting up, like, ever ] 

there’s 2 parts to this: one is the super cool and practically canon thing that serena is just... naturally good at things, and everyone loves her because she’s sweet? the show brought out bits of this clearly, but the books did it better in some ways (i’ve read only 2 books so far, i could be wrong, but from what i read, anyway.) - in the books, there’s this bit where she wins some kind of movie making competition entirely by accident. she’s up against vanessa, who is sort of a pro, and she just, by complete fluke or whatever, wins, because she’s effortlessly charming and good at things without realising how talented she is. the show didn’t really do what it could’ve done with this - it touched upon that a little, i think, but from a relatively different angle.

now! time to talk about dan!! 

i have BIG FEELINGS about inside that i will one day get into with some deep meta dan-centric fic, but the tl;dr is that when it comes to rufus and dan and inside

1. rufus KNEW that vanessa stole the manuscript, from what i remember? to me, him being pissed off made less sense than the others being pissed off because it was like? sir?? you knew that whatever got published was an unedited draft and that dan himself wouldn’t have sent it off for publishing in the form & shape that it was in.

2. i think that rufus was highkey projecting himself as an artist onto dan. like, from what inside sounds like, to me it sounded like something dan was writing as vent-art, to process shit & come to terms with emotions and whatnot. you know how when you’re a kid and you keep a journal but you only write in the journal when you’re upset? my headcanon (which i KNOW a lot of people will veto but don’t rlly care) is that that’s what the manuscript was to dan, which is why he was pissed off that vanessa stole it before he could either refine it, or add a disclaimer, or warn his friends about it. 

so, why do i say rufus was projecting? because all his songs were grand declarations of love for lily. dan’s manuscript on the other hand, is essentially the worst interpretations of everybody.  rufus was singing to tell lily his true feelings; dan was writing inside to deal with the fact that he was in love with blair and she would never love him back - but he tells vanessa he’s been writing it for five years, so it’s probably safe to guess that all his messy feelings re: breaking up with serena probably also spilled in, and it is possible that he used this book to just. sort out his heartbreaks and terrible insecurity/ feelings of inferiority, while, you know, having unsolicited opinions about it all. classic dan. 

anyway. all THIS aside. i just think it’d be hilarious if like. dan’s been writing and writing and writing all his life, all through childhood, all through high school, and he’s good at it! he’s very good at it! serena, on the other hand, has never really written much. she thinks she’s not much of a writer. but the moment she starts writing, it’s obvious that she’s brilliant at it -  not because “everything comes easy to serena” -  it doesn’t. everyone underestimates serena, just like how everyone underestimates nate, just like everyone used to underestimate dan back when nobody knew who he was. so, like, duh. serena has a lot to say that nobody’s been listening to. and if people had been paying attention, they would know that she’s funny, interesting, thoughtful and perceptive. which - for me at least - are things i cherish when they translate into writing, ways of looking at the world that give a writer’s work real depth. 

[cheesybaconflatbread]

Rating the Villa boys out of 10 because I’m bored

I’m going to try and not be bias because I’m a massive Bobby fan. Having said that, I’ve only done his route fully and part of Noah and Lucas’s route, so some of my judgements will be based more on friendships.

Bobby - CINNAMON ROLL. He definitely has his flaws, who doesn’t? Operation Nope wasn’t one of his strongest moments or when he saves her over Priya (maybe he thought Gary might, idk, but he was good friends with Priya). If you’re not on his route, he remains a good friend to you. I’m not going to list everything I love about him because there’s so much - he stays loyal in Casa Amor which yeah it’s minor but if you’re with him before disaster recoupling, he says he figured he owed it to MC which I find really sweet. Bare in mind, if it’s Noah who chose MC at disaster recoupling it’s because she kissed him and she turned his head, meaning there could be more there and Bobby would know that. But still, the boy remains loyal. Baked goods - don’t need to explain that one. Genuinely a sweet boy. He encourages MC to have fun on dates too, which is a lot nicer to than someone who would be mad about a new islander picking someone for a date (looking at you, Hope). I want to say 10/10, but because I’m trying to not be bias here, 9/10 and he gets a point taken away for not saving Priya.

Gary - sometimes I use him to couple up with on the first day so Priya can take him without me caring, then I immediately flirt with Bobby. I’m a bad person for that tbf, but Gary never took it personally. Granted it was the first day, but still. When MC rejects him and says we’d just be friends, he accepts it and doesn’t pursue her any further. I’d say he remains a good friend throughout the Villa. If you choose to not kiss him in the Kiss & Tell Challenge and have it on the cheek, he accepts it really nicely (with Lucas, you get frowny faces). His kiss with Lottie is never one that bothers me since I haven’t done his route, but he should have probably admitted to it when it happened. I don’t think anyone would have taken it that badly, especially since Marisol and Rocco cracked on behind everyone’s back anyway. I like his backstory, it definitely gives his character more depth and I loved that they chose him to explore that with. Good respect for his Nan and cranes. His expressions make me laugh. 9/10 based on friendship route and kiss drama.

Ibrahim - I’ve never done his route because I alway see him as a friend. He’s quite closed off but he remains a close friend to MC in the Villa. I think because he’s one of the quieter ones, he knows a lot more about everyone in the Villa than they think - he knows that if anyone could turn Noah’s head, there’s one person who could do that. I was fuming at all the boys who brought a girl back from Casa Amor but Shannon was cool, I’ll let him off for that. But then he went and dropped her for Jo, so - less said about that one the better. He asked Jo to be his girlfriend pretty quickly? Other than that, he’s a good friend and I like seeing the other side of him (like when him and Bobby come up with words to prank the new islanders). 7/10 - would have been higher but Jo. So, sorry for that, Ibrahim.

Noah - ah, now, here’s the tricky one. I have done routes with and without him. On a non-Noah route, all I can say is despite not having a tonne of interactions or one-on-one scenes with Noah, he’s a good friend. He even defends MC by saying she’s cute when she eats when her LI insults her. It’s sweet that he’ll come and keep MC company on the night she’s single (Day 2?) - of course, Hope comes in and ruins it. Honestly, he’s better without Hope. He just has more freedom to chat to another girl and not get called out for just being a friend. He admitted to kissing MC or Priya straight away and THANK GOD for that. ON definitely wasn’t one of the best plans, but he immediately came clean unlike some secret kissers (Jo & Rahim). On a Noah route - I enjoy doing the route for the extra little moments with him, but honestly? He just plays both MC and Hope. I completely understand his head was a mess after the disaster recoupling and during Casa Amor - he’d just coupled up with someone new and he didn’t really get a chance to see what it’s like because of Casa. He brings Blake back (honestly doesn’t deserve a rating for that), but immediately drops her and MC without a second thought when Hope runs back into his arms. Then after that, he carries on with Hope but you get little glances and moments with him before he finally decides right near the end of the show that you’re the one he wants. I think he needed to be honest with Hope and MC after Casa Amor about his feelings - that he doesn’t know where they’re at. Overall he is sweet. I’m going to have to go 7/10 based on his route - sorry Noah, I love you but FB did you dirty with that one.

Rocco - I like his backstory, once again I think they did really well with how they portrayed that. I did his route once because I live for the drama. There’s not much to say about him though? In the end, he never really redeems himself. If he would have stayed and recoupled with Marisol, he would have done the same to her - he tries to kiss MC before he leaves and doesn’t even care about Marisol. So 4/10? He brought the drama that I love so.

Lucas - I always save him over Henrik because out of the two he’s my favourite. His angry face haunts me. If I’m coupled up with him, it’s usually because I saved him from being dumped but MC is never really interested in him. I lose a bit of respect for him if I’m with because of the disaster recoupling and he brings Blake back (not surprising since I H A T E her). He seems to get a bit more jealous than some of the others. Oh, and when he’s discussing the perfect date with MC, Lottie and Henrik, he talks about enjoying a pop up restaurant and if MC says she doesn’t like fancy places he’ll be like “um yeah me neither” - so he tries a bit hard for her attention I think. He’s a good character overall but I don’t find that I connect with him as well in the game. I like him a lot though. 8/10

Henrik - his sad face makes me laugh. Also kind of looks like a sad puppy. It makes me think of when you tell a child off and they’re trying not to cry. I prefer Lucas over him and always make sure Lucas is saved and Henrik is the returning islander. He’s sweet, but I didn’t like him enough to keep him around (soz). If I do keep him around though, I lose a little bit of respect over the whole Blake thing because I just hate her that much lmao. Other than that, he remains friendly and easy to get along with. I really like his friendship with Lucas and it was sweet how they bonded. 8/10

Jakub - after I saw that post of him looking like a pig, I can’t get it out of my head. I laughed the first time I saw him and the first time I saw his swimwear. I constantly want to tape his tongue back into his mouth (same goes for you, Jo). He irons his socks. I like that he just comes in though and goes for what he wants. Like he really fucked things up with the disaster recoupling and basically shrugged it off. When all the drama’s kicking off at the party, he just ignores it and starts partying which I WISH MC could do half the time. So yeah, 5/10. He’s not around for long anyway.

[djemsostylist]

An Arthurian Film Adventure, Part 3: Lancelot

Today, we are tackling Lancelot.  Arguably the most famous knight of the Round Table (besides Gawain), the story of Lancelot and King Arthur and Queen Guinevere is a timeless one.  Forbidden love, broken friendships, civil war, downfall of a kingdom.  Plus, he’s great with a lance.  Throw in a child who achieves the Grail Quest, and you’ve got yourself a pretty great story, and a pretty easy character too, right?  

Nope, wrong again.  Firstly, because he doesn’t even exist in one of them, and secondly because he fucking sucks in the other ones. 

I should point out, before I begin, that there are several versions of Lancelot which exist.  Depending on whether you go with de Troyes, Malory, Vulgate, or Post Vulgate, you get some different characters.  Universally he is kind and brave and selfless, devoted to Arthur but also damned by a love for Guinevere.  He also can be prideful, angry, a touch selfish, and ultimately fails at achieving the Grail Quest.  Anyway, onto the ratings!

1. Knights of the Round Table

This Lancelot is, by far, the best Lancelot.  Here, Lancelot follows the post Vulgate version (he is just a wandering knight who wants to join the Round Table, rather than having grown up with the Lady of the Lake).  He is sort of the ultimate knight--kind, brave, selfless, great with a lance or sword.  He and Arthur get along immediately, forming a fast friendship built on mutual respect, understanding, and trust.  Lancelot is brave and selfless and kind, but he is also an individual with his own wants, needs and desires.  He can be prideful and arrogant, but he is fiercely loyal.  

Here, Lancelot is close friends not only with Arthur and Guinevere, but also Gawain, Gareth and Percival, the latter of whom he takes under his wing.  He and Arthur quarrel and reconcile, he goes knight erranting (is this a verb?) and lives in the castle Joyous Guard.  He also marries Elaine, whom he loves in his own way, and fathers Galahad.  Here, his love for Guinevere is acknowledged and central, though never consummated, but it is his connection with Arthur and the other knights of the Round Table which sustain his story.  

The downfall here is tragic, both because though he and Guinevere love each other, they have not actually committed treason, and because his estrangement from Arthur leads to an actual splintering of the Round Table.  Also, he has a horse named Beric that he loves a lot, his relationship with Elaine is honestly really sweet and sad, and he also wears beautiful surcoats and has a huge red feather on his helm. 

Attractiveness: Honestly number 1 easily.  He has some slightly weird facial hair, and he’s not big enough, but he’s hot.  (Fun fact, Robert Taylor also played Ivanhoe in the single best Ivanhoe of all time, so).  

2. Camelot

So, this Lancelot is pretty good.  My main problem here is that this Lancelot is more Galahad than Lancelot, in that he is super pure almost the point of ridiculousness.  Like, he is so pure his purity actually brings a man back from the dead, which could be the whole “healing of Sir Urry thing” but is mostly just strange.  Here, we get a post-Vulgate Lancelot backstory (he is supposed to be French is this version but he is played by the most Italian Italian I have ever seen and it’s great).  He and Arthur meet and are super close almost right away (“did we just become best friends?!”) but surprisingly and refreshingly, Guinevere is actually deeply annoyed by him when they first meet.  (She has been going a-maying and Arthur shows up and she just wants to fuck him but he just wants her to meet his new best friend, and she is like, wow ur friend is deeply lame, come have sex with me instead pls.)  She eventually falls in love with him when he cures a dead man from death, and then what follows is a tragic love story of friends who are sort of stuck in this terrible situation and just trying to make the best of it.  

The downfall here is that Lancelot has literally no other friends at court, so while his betrayal is tragic for him and Arthur and Guinevere (like in the 1953 version, he and Guinevere never actually commit treason), it doesn’t really affect any other friendships or relationships.  He also doesn’t ever get married or have a baby here, and his purity can be grating, though the earnestness offsets it well enough.

Attractiveness: Number 2 tbh, but mostly because he is so damn earnest it’s endearing.  Also he wears beautiful armor.  

3. King Arthur

So, this Lancelot is from Sarmatia, which is both weird and never really explained.  Also, he is neither Arthur’s best knight or actually even a knight at all.  He doesn’t have a relationship with Guinevere other than throwing what I assume are supposed to be longing looks in her direction (tbf Arthur didn’t have a relationship with Guinevere in this movie either beyond aborted heavy petting).  He also doesn’t bring about the downfall of Arthur’s kingdom, mostly because Arthur doesn’t have a kingdom.  He also doesn’t have a son who goes on the quest for the Holy Grail, but that is mostly because this Arthur isn’t Christian and neither are his knights.  Also, he fights with two swords and there are no lances in sight, which is a weird thing for Lancelot, since riding around and knocking people off horses is like, literally his favorite thing in the world.  

Attractiveness: Number 3, mostly because I know they tried to make him hot here with the mop of curly hair and etc, but he will also be Mr. Fantastic to me, and Mr. Fantastic was honestly the worst.  

4. First Knight

The thing is, Richard Gere should be last, except that Excalibur Lancelot was literally the dumbest person alive ever, so I guess that means since Richard Gere wasn’t literally just living in the forest stabbing himself with his own sword, he sucks less.  (Look, I said this was a rough journey.)  This Lancelot is just terrible honestly.  Firstly, he’s not a knight, he’s just some dude who rides around hitting people with his sword.  He meets Arthur when he helps rescue Guinevere who is on her way to marry her dad’s old friend bc he is old and sad and lonely.  His introduction to Arthur comes during a tournament.  And by tournament, I mean an extremely 90s, wacky, American Gladiator style wooden obstacle course thing that involves swinging knife things, swinging wood things, and just...it’s bad.  

He doesn’t want to be a knight, mostly because he thinks Arthur’s knights are boring squares (he is not wrong, but I hate him so-).  He agrees only after he saves Guinevere from Melegraunce, which involves more wacky obstacle courses and swinging bridges.  Also, he and Guinevere here give Arthur the horns, and also both suck.  He doesn’t learn anything, he is genuinely terrible, and also he is played by Richard Gere.  

Attractiveness: I’m gonna say last, mostly because his whole 90sness just irritated me and also because he was very moist through this whole movie and also I hated him a lot.

5. Excalibur

Look, this Lancelot was like, literally actually stupid.  He showed up, tried to beat up Arthur and failed, then went to live in the woods.  No like, he literally lived in the woods.  He would tell Arthur he was leaving Camelot to go adventuring or whatever, ride six feet out into the forest, strip naked, and sleep in the roots of a tree.  Also, he for some reason not only slept completely naked, but he also didn’t keep his sword in his scabbard so one night he rolled over and stabbed himself clear through the side.  Also, he and Guinevere had sex is his tree thing, and I saw way too much of his side ass.  I was honestly rooting for Gawain to kill him, and I didn’t even like this Gawain bc he was genuinely awful. 

Attractiveness: I mean, better than Richard Gere.  But, and I know I have said this before, I cannot express how ugly this movie was.  

6. Legend of the Sword

This one was easy to rank, because he did not exist.  This was an origin story, and Lancelot isn’t really a part of Arthur’s origin story so I guess we can give them a pass, except that I love Lancelot so this was a tragedy to me.  On the positive side, his lack of existence means that he can’t be worse than Richard Gere, so I guess I should rank this nonexistent Lancelot in like, 3rd place.

Part 2: The Arthurs