#tbf same i nearly passed out

[fluffyhellspawn]

Just got my first ever blood-work done and god I hated every second. Thankfully it was done within 30 seconds ???? my arms been numb the whole day tho HAH.

Last night i was panicking over it, so i went. you know what would be funny? If Sin was scared of injections too. No, i dont care this 6'4 beefy man is afraid of a tiny prick. he will cry over it. every time. vicki hates him for it.

[computercuter]

The way my brain is is real bizzare because I'll be the horniest fucker, yearning and desiring so so bad, and then the dream part of me goes 'right okay fine um. Sex dream now maybe' and me in dream will just be like '????? No?? I don't want that actually it makes me feel Bad' so nothing actually happens and then I wake up and feel gross about it irl as well. Like. What do you wantttt

[jazeswhbhaven]

So How We Feelin' About December's Updates?

First things first, I knew that Zagan was going to be a Nightmare Pass card, that was a given. Zagan as a model??? That's so cute tbh because it doesn't really require him to talk, he works out a lot, and has a nice butt. bongo booty

Anyway. There's some other updates I'll highlight though that stood out to me.

App optimization! Meaning they're going to fix that storage issue finally that folks have been complaining about. Right now that app takes up nearly 8GB of storage and that's honestly too damn high for what it is. (at the same time be prepared that this update very well may fuck up our apps in terms of storage/things looking funky so get those email fingers ready)

2. A two week Christmas event??? Look at my bby Beel in the back omg. Also Christmas Jjok in a box :3 I wonder what it is that Satan is reaching for?

3. Luci smoking. That's all. Though I did see something about MC is going to experience a whole new kind of "shame" in this card story and I'm just like? Watch MC loses their voice or something, Lucifer says the only way to heal it is to stick his dick all the way down their throat and his cum heals it or something idk.

I didn't really care for the plushies tbf, I think I'm all "merched" out because I'm running out of space in my home. There's literally no where to put this shit if I do get it so I'll be fine without.

ALSO most importantly the roll out for the 12+ version and the update for the main story has been pushed to January 8th. Again I expect another delay so when I see it, I see it. Been a year ya'll, so I'm being realistic and tired of being optimistic about concrete release dates at this point.

What are ya'll excited about the most? Personally, for me it's Zagan and the Christmas event story. I would be excited for Luci's x-mas story but now I'm wanting a Morax L-card because I forgot how built he is despite looking small framed in his sprite. Mans is large.

[agenericplaceholdername]

Dragons Rising S2 E6-10 Thoughts

This is the last post in the series! Maybe I’ll do these for Season 2 Part 2, maybe not. But either way, here’s some thoughts on the Dragons Rising, Season 2 midseason finale:

To Mysterium!:

Geo you might not be trained, but you and the Finders were holding your own against the Wolf Masks

This scene exists solely to advertise the sets (tbf the whole show is but this is super obvious)

In The Temple of the Dragon Cores Zane has a full map of the Merged realms; now he has nothing?

Lloyd tries to reassure Arin and just puts more pressure on him :(

Fun scene with Kai and Nya

Such incredible disguises

Orange Frohicky!

I’d buy a disco toaster

Why would a cloud be on a map? And why does poison affect Zane?

Why do you hate humans, Egalt? What happened in your past?

What do you mean trick map, Cole? Are maps that change by magic(?) commonplace?

Arin vs Lloyd is not fair

Egalt!

Jiro walking on two legs is kinda strange

Are these supposed to be the same people from Gangs of the Sea or just the same character models

Poor Arin

“Well, he is a professional actor”

Dorama’s humor has overstayed its welcome

“No self-respecting school allows the students to escape”

Purple imperium drones

I doubt that’ll be the end of Dorama, but honestly I’d be okay if it was

Fugitives from Madness:

Cole this monastery looks identical, just recolored

How did that mark get there? Are the monasteries linked somehow? What about when the Monastary was destroyed (multiple times)? Did that impact the Mysterium monastary

So is Gandalaria gonna explain everything about the Monastaries? Or who this “Sprite” is? (the answer is no)

Sora cmon he clearly didn’t go through the last pillar

“Stop being so hard on yourself” someone learned her lesson from last season

Already posted about the Egalt & Wyldfyre scene but it is SO GOOD

I get the desire to use the Zane/Cole/Bonzle/Gandalaria stuff as lighthearted stuff to contrast the emotional stuff in the A plot, but it feels like the episode just grinds to a halt when we cut to them

Still nice that Gandalaria accepts Bonzle

“You can never force the motion of the universe to bend to your will” I know a certain tiger who would disagree

Why is Gandalaria’s storehouse in a different realm? Not a plot hole, bc Gandalaria is totally the type of person to do something like that, but what was the thought process?

“Yes, nearly 9%!” 

I love the Countershot scene. Great music, great for Kai and Nya, sorta nostalgic

The Blood Moon rising is so ominous (also the moon does not rise this quickly, or over the whole planet at the same time)

Did the Forbidden Five place a curse on the Dragon Masters? Why do they turn to stone?

I love how the Administration, a society from an entirely different realm, uses the word “Nindroid,” invented by Jay

THEY IMPOUNDED JIRO?

The Administration is so goofy

The way Michael Adamthwaite says, “Told you” sounds like Jay

The Administration immediately vaporizes their own paperwork lol

Gandalaria is nuts

JAY??

So many great scenes this episode

Secrets of the Wyldness:

Wyldfyre pretended to be stone once? Assuming Kai tickled her out of it like Wyldfyre tries to do to the Dragon Masters?

Kai why don’t you try to do Rising Dragon now

Thank you Cole for yelling, “The Wyldness” even though that future never comes to pass so that the Ninja know where to go

Gandalaria, Janet’s got nothing on you

I mean if the Departed Realm is part of the Merged Realms, a dead man could still owe a fine

“I hereby demand your surrender.” “Uhh… no. Thank you.”

Jay’s lighting is both yellow and blue

And so ends Jay’s part in S2P1

Does this even count as a Zane fake out death? It lasts less than a minute

“We can’t give up until we find Bonzle” why would she be hard to find? She’s supposed to just be under the Monastery — where you told her to go

The Cloud Kingdom with the Blood Moon behind it is so ominous

Goodbye Jiro

Fortune telling tea is weak, Gandalaria needs to get some spirit smoke

There’s a strange effect on the Bounty crash scene, I guess it’s the effect of Theroxian magic

RIYU MY GOAT

“Instant doom” if you all down the cliff. Remember this

Kai, Wyldfyre, and Sora is such a fun trio, I’m glad we get them together for the next few episodes

Don’t worry Sora, that won’t be the last time the Bounty will be destroyed

Is Gandalaria’s magic similar to Clouse’s? Or Hazza D’ur’s?

Shoving people in a box is typically not the best course of action

“I’m a scientist,” says Jordana earlier this episode. By the end, she’s overpowering the High Sorceress of Mysterium’s magic. No wonder Theroxian was banned

Why would walking in the direction of the moon mean you’re heading to the ritual?

Good luck Arin and Riyu

The Forest of Spirits:

Ras flashback?? Poor guy

“We are the masters of our destiny now” he says this with such malice. The Writers get out alive because this is a kids show, but a different show would just have them executed

I don’t have a fear of heights but you’d better believe I’d develop one if I was falling to my death

Poor Lloyd

The crumbling Cloud Kingdom tower in Lloyd’s vision actually happened in Writers of Destiny (and I don’t think happens later)

Jordana, that's not very nice of you. 

So much is going on and then we have to waste time messing around in the mystical storehouse. Gandalaria isn’t even an unfunny character, but this bit just drags

Riyu flying has a great bit of music, looks awesome, and is just plain fun. Arin is so happy :)

Fun battle scene

Okay, remember before about the “instant doom” thing if you fall off the cliff? Well Sora just murdered someone

Arin is genuinely apologetic, but there was no need to mention you still don’t remember Jordana’s name

Bonzle and Arin are so funny together

Wait how did Jordana get this car — did Ras build it? Buy it?

Either the Ninja trained for a good amount of time or Wyldfyre just heals super quickly

“I’m always adorable”

The Shadow Dojo looks so cool

The first look at the Forbidden Five in the M. C. Escher- inspired Nether-Space is so cool

Ras, physical abuse does not lead to a good rating on Glassdoor

Such a heartbreaking scene for Arin (and cool one for Ras). Tells us a lot about both of them. And to be fair to Arin, he does last longer here and Ras has a weapon

Great ending to an overall solid episode

Rising Ninja:

Arin sees Lloyd and Nya as his parents im crying

Heating up metal while it’s touching someone sounds like an easy way to burn them

Great cut to intro

I doubt wearing the wolf masks when the Gong is hit impacts Sora, Wyldfyre, and Kai since you probably have to let your soul be shattered, while they’re fighting it

You didn’t accidentally do Rising Dragon, you were explicitly training to do it

Great one take

Is Nokt in charge of the Five? How’d they decide he goes first

Really am not commenting a lot here because the whole battle is just so much fun

“She’ll miss my sweet shatterspin”

You’ve rewatched this part dozens of times, I’m sure— Kai doing Rising Dragon and Lloyd v Ras is so awesome

Nokt looked cooler before he opened his eyes or removed the extra cloak

Even Euphrasia gets a big moment, although I don’t know how that seemingly limited amount of wind is enough

Nya unlocking Rising Dragon is cool

Why doesn’t Cinder attack Lloyd while he’s having visions?

Sora this was probably the right move, but not telling Arin… idk how that’ll go

Teleporting the entire Shadow Dojo is super powerful; Ras’ Master must be a big threat

“Did we win?” honestly a good question Arin- most of the 5 didn’t escape, but at what cost…

“Where are we?” Good question too Cinder

Did Nokt just trip? What happened?

Jordana???

Ras’ Master is def not happy

Bittersweet way to end S2P1, while leaving a lot of thing for Part 2 to build on and/or resolve

And that’s it! Overall, I’ve heavily enjoyed each installment of Ninjago: Dragons Rising, and am looking forward to rewatching Season 2 Part 2 for the second first time! If you’ve already seen it, make sure to watch it on a legal site so Lego knows there’s demand to keep this great series going.

[correctproseka]

get rarepaird. akinene + mizushiho

Tbf the first things i get are usually rarepairs

Also im sorry akinene's is not as good as my usual hcs bc. Honestly im not as familiar with how their relationship would be

Who said “I love you” first

Akinene: Akito. He says it on such a win and he's the one to nearly die as soon as he realizes what he said

Mizushiho: Shiho, despite having the fame of being grumpy, Shiho also is more open to her feelings thanks to leo/need, Mizuki is cheerful but really closed off, so they'd never say it, but they're so fucking thankful that Shiho reciprocates it.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

Akinene: hands down Akito, Nene probably has the default one tbh

Mizushiho: Mizuki. My girl's a simp and has a selfie of them together. Shiho says its cringy but smiles whenever she sees it.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

Akinene: tbf i dont think either would, but Akito draws on it for himself and Nene always comments that she liked it

Mizushiho: Mizuki again, she draws cat ears at Shiho's height so when Shiho leaves the shower she sees herself with drawn on cat ears on the mirror

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

Akinene: Probably both. Akito likes to give her flowers, Nene makes him chocolate

Mizushiho: Mizuki primarily, but Shiho likes to reciprocate with the sappiest shit she can think of and Mizuki always melts

Who initiated the first kiss

Akinene: Nene, after Akito confessed and they went on a date, she had to go on her tip toes though

Mizushiho: Shiho, i feel like Mizuki just annoyed her (lightheartedly) sm that Shiho kabedonned Mizuki and kissed them (also on her tip toes)

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Akinene: Nene goes to sleep at the time Akito's waking up so she kisses him awake before passing out asleep at like 5am.

Mizushiho: both, depends on who wakes up earlier

Who starts tickle fights

Akinene: Akito, he lives with a sister he can't live without tickle fights anymore. Nene is used to it due to Emu but she's not strong enough to ever win one

Mizushiho: Mizuki. Shiho always ends up pinning them down and tickling (and kissing) them senseless tho

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

Akinene: Nene, but i feel like they both like a time for themselves where they can relax with just them yknow, Nene usually brings it up though

Mizushiho: Shiho, Mizuki is afraid Shiho will think they're disgusting despite Shiho knowing the secret already, slowly Mizuki starts asking more tho because they like to ramble about things and talk about their day

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

Akinene: Akito doesn't have set work time but Nene usually does, so he tends to bring her lunch more often, she does the same when she has lunch time free

Mizushiho: Shiho, a similar reason as above, Shiho's work is practice and as they have Honami they rarely ever skip lunch, Honami always remembers the others, so Shiho ends up bringing Mizuki lunch during leo/needs break time because Mizuki 9 times out of 10 will be hyperfocusing and forgetting to eat

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

Akinene: both. Nene almost threw up before it. Akito made a bigger front and pretended he was confident though

Mizushiho: both, Shiho's panic was more subdue and she kept picking on her sleeves. Mizuki was screaming about which outfits to wear for three hours with Ena

Who kills/takes out the spiders

Akinene: Akito kills them

Mizushiho: Shiho takes them out

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

Akinene: possibly Akito he's the loudest generally

Mizushiho: Mizuki would do it sober AND drunk dont underestimate them

[washa]

I listened to Friendsgiving audio and here’s my favourite personal comments/thoughts!

Lasko being late?? Again?? Honey you’ll be rivalling Asher at this rate 😭

Who is he talking to? Like which listener?? I’m just gonna assume it’s coworker. 

Oh nvm it is Coworker 🙏 Yes i’m very excited to meet them too. 

AWH YOU CAN HEAR HIS SMILE IN THE “I’m glad!” FWEHJJ

----------------------

HIII DAMIEN 

Lmfao why’d he sound so surprised to see Coworker? I mean who else would they be coming with?? Huxley???

“And you decided to come anyway, Blink twice if you need help.” Thanks Damien, I’ll keep that in mind 🙌

I like how he’s talking about Huxley like he’s some sort of spawn of devil destined to ruin his life when it’s literally his boyfriend.

It is for your own good, last audio you nearly burst a blood vessel Damien.

Why is he saying it like it’s a bad thing?? Relax babes.

GAVINNN HIII OH MY GOD OF COURSE THAT’S THE FIRST THING COWORKER HEARS FROM GAVIN

I love the sigh of frustration from Damien.

“Ooh, It’s been awhile since I was called the devil. Are you looking to make a deal wildfire?” GAVIN 

LASKO PLEASE, I’m so happy he’s more snarky.

Me cro wai vey. Of course Damien brings that up.

“No he’s not.” HELP THE WAY THEY BOTH SAY IT AT THE SAME TIME LMFAO 

God Damien is such a drama queen. Yeah let’s play some mario kart.

----------------------

Huxley. Is it black/grey or clear?? What do you mean is that steam or smoke???

Damien sounds like an asian mom, I’m crying 😭

“Huxley, Open the door.” You were meant to be mine, I was meant to be yours! (The girls who get it, get it. The girls who don’t, don’t.)

Damien please sit down, Gavin please shut.

I love how Coworkers first interaction of DamiHux is Damien pleading for Huxley to open a kitchen door. 

“No can do baby.” URGH STOP IT.

Wait, isn't this the same song that was playing when Gavin and Damien were talking about him and Hux in the coming out video. Livin’ On a Prayer is a DamiHux song canon. 

THAT’S WHAT I'M SAYING LASKO, THERE'S NO WAY IT ISN'T.

Huxley you softie, he’s probably gonna shove right pass you and go cook 😭

NOO NOT THE ROLLS, Nevermind he gets shoved out immediately. His whinging, god he’s suffering out there. He’s like a dejected puppy. 

“Oh my god he’s losing his mind.” Huxley, that's the love of your life out there. 

They’re both delusional. It will not be good in the end. 😕

Awh Huxley, yes we love baby steps. OH MY GOD WHAT. DURING WHAT NOW 😨

Tbf yeah Freelancer is the last person to worry about when talking about your sex life 😭

Ay no worries, Love ya. YES HUGSS. OH SHIT WHOOPS. 

----------------------

Yes, let's sneak into the kitchen like some sort of reboot version of Spy Kids. 

Damien’s pleading his case right now, Take a break bro, You’re going through the stages of grief rn 😭

“I’m beating you again Damien look at the TV come on.” Why did he say that so sexily, what the fuck 😕

HELP HE JUST OPENED THE DOOR RIGHT AWAY.

Awh Huxley is so sweet, Yes I do hugs you big baby 💕

“Lasko gets such a big smile on his face anytime he talks about you, And anybody that can make a guy as sweet as him happy is great in my book.” STOP IT, YOU’RE SO FUCKING ADORABLE OHKJLKJF

Freelancer? That’s me though?? HELP WHY IS IT SILENT 😭😭

Yeah I bet we’re hitting it off, can’t hear shit but yeah 😇

Bless Lasko, please do help him with the cooking.

Are we talking right now? HOW LONG IS THE SILENCE. 

----------------------

Gavin and Damien have such a funny dynamic, love em both.

“I think you and I have very different ideas of revenge.” “I bet in this case they’re more similar than you think.” Glaring at the HBA bonus audio rn.

I can’t tell if Lasko’s being truthful or just polite. 👎

Oh Damien approves, We’re in the clear then!

LMFAO OK?? Huxley uses a pickup truck canon. 

“And if you ever lock me out of the kitchen again, I’m setting your truck on fire.” “Awh, There’s my man!” MY LITTLE SRUNKLIES ADORABLE

For a second I thought Huxley was gonna say Mate and my brain just did a reboot.

Yippee a toast! Here here! OH MY GOD HUXLEY YOU’RE RIGHT.

WE’RE LIKE AVATAR 🙏🙏 

“We can make a really destructive Orgy?” LASKO LMFAO WHAT BABES YOU’RE LOVER AND BOO THANG IS RIGHT THERE. 

Actually no, Coworker probably fell in love with him more. 

Yes, I'm very happy to be here Damien.

[iamanemotionaltimebomb]

criticisms of episode 17

Okay, I’ve calmed down, I’ve watched all of episode 17 (haven’t started episode 18 yet) and while I loved parts of it that I thought were really done (particularly dealing with xenophobia and racism, I’ll write a seperate post on that), but I’m sorry, I still have problems with a lot of things in this episode.

This is a long ass post, so I’m gonna put it under spoilers. I will watch episode 18 now and then maybe put two and two together, idk, we’ll see what happens

“I know mom and dad don’t want to risk anybody seeing us, but it’s the middle of the night. So we’ll be in and out before they even wake up.”

Middle of the night is pretty vague language, so let’s be generous and say that Dot and Alex passed out relatively early for whatever reason (TBF to them, they do have 7 kids now), and it’s currently between 7 - 9pm. 

Now, I’m going to assume secondly that Robby and Mo have lived in Philly their whole lives, meaning they’ve lived in a big city their whole lives until fairly recently. As someone who has also lived in or near (like 15 minutes drive) a big city my whole life, you’re taught pretty early about safety and whatnot, especially at night and/or unattended, even if it’s not necessarily by your parents (we had our own version “street smarts” taught to us in school from when I was in preschool until I was in Year 10-11). What this means is that you generally do not see children around Robby and Mo’s age out at night by themselves unless there’s a reason they can’t go home or for other reasons (they’re getting in trouble/bad elements involved/etc.). 

We’re going to give Robby and Mo the benefit of the doubt here and say that living in a small town, where this is not necessarily the same, with cybertronian siblings has made them a bit bold (although I’m going to bring up why this is a problem later as well). They also probably didn’t assume how the Terrans could be ‘exposed’ in such a large city where no one knows about them (although this raised the question for me about how much something like GHOST operates on a national or international scale). 

This would also nicely explain why no adults seem phased by Robby and Mo (and their Terran siblings) being out 'unattended’. The audience knows that the Terrans are analogous to children, but the adults in the show won’t, so to them, Robby and Mo are being attended (although this brought up a lot of interesting world building questions for me about other possible cybertronian/human friendships/relationships and how much autobots still even interact with humans beyond press conferences and whatnot, let alone young children, e.g. do cybertronians now have ‘regular’ jobs with other humans?)

But then we meet Robby’s friend Stevie. A kid who is alone in a skatepark at night. 

It’d be one thing if he was here as a group with others kids his same age or with an adult supervising (that just wasn’t paying attention). But ... he’s literally the only person at this skate park. At night. 

Makes me wonder if the is supposed to be more hints this kid comes from a rough house life or is getting mixed in bad crowds and it just wasn’t very well illustrated at all or if the studio just didn’t have enough budget/foresight to have extra characters in the park. 

You could argue “maybe Philly is just a safe city where even children can go out at night unsupervised”... except we literally see another human nearly getting mugged, even threatened, just a few minutes earlier. 

and Mo, Jawbreaker and Thrash, god, I am baffled by how stupidly Mo handled all of this. The Terrans being naive enough to follow stranger, I could understand that (and even then, Jawbreaker, the youngest of the three actually WAS the cautious one). What the hell was Mo’s excuse? I would’ve thought at her age she would’ve had “don’t talk to or follow strangers” ingrained into her brain. But no, strange lady offers to let her see a wrestling match? Sure, I’ll climb into the dark underground system to see that! 

This isn’t even a “kids are stupid and don’t listen to adults” or Mo being cocky because she has her cybertronian siblings with her because Mo has experience with blindly trusting a stranger who is trying to ‘bribe her’ in a previous episode. In that episode with Swindle, she clearly knows things aren’t right, and she even tells Thrash she thinks it’s a bad idea to trust swindle. That ends up being correct because both she and Thrash get threatened in that episode. And even then Mo still showed maturity and intelligence in that episode because she DID end up calling her mom for help. 

When Jawbreaker got “kidnapped”/forced to fight in this episode, why didn’t Mo contact someone? She may have incorrectly assumed this was still ‘above board’ but when Frenzy then says “and the loser is scrapped for parts”, Mo should’ve absolutely known at that point that they were in danger and needed help, especially because Jawbreaker clearly did not want to fight. Even just showing Mo desperately trying to call her mom would’ve been really great scene added in. 

Mo has previously shown to value safety and the rules her parents taught her, and understand their value and meaning, but in this episode, showed none of that previous experience or teachings. Nor does she seem to truely grasp what kind of danger her, Thrash or Jawbreaker really were in (I hope this gets resolved in the next episode).

Also, I’m kind of angry at Bumblebee taking the Robby and Mo along for a “real autobot mission” instead of at least checking with them where their parents are and if they even knew where they were, but, whatever...

[imperial-nuisance-rudje]

Time to start a series of EW effortposts, i guess.

Note that I got sick (AGAIN) and had pretty bad weather-based connectivity issues since i took the earliest of these screenshots, so my memory will be pretty shoddy.

Anyway, postin'.

I've already hollered about the twins' shitty dad so I won't reprise that, instead skipping forward to when you pick who visits you. I've been too busy moving MSQ forward to re-check everything, but given my faves it's probably not shocking that i chose...

Estinien.

I didn't get most of his little speech, but he just wanted to express support and a desire to protect in his cute, awkward way.

Also, jfc if a character as pale as Shayun is nearly invisible due to the cutscene lighting, anyone with darker skin is just going to be a shadowy blob.

Anyway, Estinien flees.

Out the window. You know, as you do.

Also if I hadn't established that Shayun and Estinien are just utterly incompatible this cutscene would have had me making jokes, but no it's just more autism to autism communication.

There's a couple cutscenes I didn't grab establishing both what people are thinking about the Garlean prisoners as well as setting up ominous shadow effects on people.

Which Erenville seems to be able to sense? Not sure if it's a nod to how Viera are typically very magically sensitive in other FFs or just Erenville being sensitive to changes in his environment, since the former hasn't really been established in 14.

Anyway!

So Thavnair has a mild case of the Armageddons (as in, the weather is literally "Apocalypse")! I'm sure it's fine, says the dog sitting in a burning house.

The dungeon wasn't anything special, but the final boss is incredibly fucking rude to the photosensitive--one of its attacks causes the whole screen to pulse red or blue as the tell, and it's really bad to look at. Not quite Paradigm's Breach tier, but at least on the level of World of Darkness. Very nasty.

I still murdered the fuck out of it, of course.

Ahewann trying to convince Vrtra that his fears are unfounded and revealing himself as the true leader of Thavnair would only help.

I can't remember the lead-up to this, but Estinien refuses to let a troubled member of the First Brood pass by without getting into position for Dragon Therapy.

I think investigation into why people were transforming into monsters happens after this? Which, uh, leads me to a major issue I had.

So. Ahewann's death.

Besides being another victim of the two-for-one deal that is Endwalker (if we'd had an expansion+patches to come to know and care deeply for him, his death would have hit MUCH harder--as it is it feels like he jobbed), it's also just really badly blocked out. The last time the WoL has a case of the Glueboots this severe is when Asahi is beating the shit out of Yotsuyu, and it feels just as bad now as it did then. If they didn't want to have the WoL have to pause and attack bc of job reasons (tbf the correct distance for one job to feel right is different from another, so i don't blame them), they at least should have put them further back.

It's just way too obvious that Ahewann died entirely due to authorial decree. It doesn't feel like a natural outgrowth of the events of the cutscene. Given how little time we've had with Ahewann, it also feels like a cheap move for free emotions!

I do not like Ahewann's death.

Oh yeah, and afterward catboy proves that he is also the Crystal Exarch so anyone who thinks i should chill over things the Exarch did can shut it, the game itself says they're the same person now.

Final WoLshot for this post, bc the next post is a behemoth and will need every last bit of image space I can give

that's right it's time for

DRAGON THERAPY WITH DR ESTINIEN (vrtra edition)

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

.

[anothersoulless]

Red Windows - Matt Murdock X Reader (Soulmate AU)

Another Day writing your Soulmate thesis for work, nothing else. That's what you thought. When the Morning dawns and a Devil ends up in your apartment, the same song stuck in both of your heads - what could go wrong? When your Soulmate ends up being a vigilante, the answer is easy to find: everything.

Set in a world, where even after Electra's Death and Daredevils partial hearing loss, Nelson & Murdock & Page are still together and never departed. This is partially due to my own stupidity and confusing the lore, but also simply because of I love the plotline but goddamn, I just want them to stay together.

Proof Read? Yeah, no.

Warnings: None. This does say Matt Murdock X Reader,can however also be seen in a platonic way. Also, maybe like Part 1? Idk, not sure tbf. Hate the ending, but here goes nothing. No use of Y/N or any placeholder

Soulmates. A thing everyone was talking about, sometimes singing so their Soulmate could hear it. Talking to someone else, one didn't know, someone far away, somewhere on this world. Or universe you guessed, considering the recent outing of a bunch of aliens, gods and more. Someone had to be their Soulmate, you guessed.

A lot of people thought Soulmates meant something romantic and were disappointed whenever they found out it was usually a platonic relationship. You should know. After all, you were studying philosophy with a focus on Soulmates. It was a topic that had interested you for a long time now and the older you had gotten, the more you had been fascinated by the mechanics of Soulmates and what the existence of these even implied. You would have preferred to go into the science field of things, however, since progress has been stagnating it was cut out of a lot of universities. So philosophy it was.

You had turned 29 a while ago, yet, had never heard your soulmate sing. Maybe whoever it was just wasn't that into it? Sometimes you sang a little tune to them, to this day to no avail. You were currently working on a thesis about Soulmates and the indications of the inevitability of future and choices and consequences, barely being able to write down all the rapidly passing thoughts on your sheet, when your best friend barged in. "It's Break Time for you and for me. Pack your things. We have an hour and I will not stand being in this office building for longer than five more minutes!"

You laughed slightly, grabbing your stuff and leaving the building right after them. They didn't wait until they started rambling to you, but you were content to listen. "So I met this girl yesterday, she was like, really cute. Short hair, ripped jeans, a flannel? Undeniably incredible taste in fashion. Also, the way she verbally decimated those guys? Absolute slay. The Guys were like trying to hit on a girl or something and wouldn't leave her alone, a real shame to be honest. She was really cute, asked her out." You smiled "That's nice, what did she say?" "That she already has a girlfriend. God, why must all the good Partners always be taken? It's so unfair!" You smiled lightly "Wouldn't know about it" Your friend gasped. "Exactly! I can't understand it, how no one sees you and wants to go out with you! Like, none of the good ones that is. I would totally try." You laughed. "Oh I would as well" "Dating yourself?" You looked at her "not my point, but totally yes."

The Break was over faster than you expected, but the work even longer. You sighed, when you looked at the clock, finally being allowed to get off. You closed your Laptop and said goodbye to the man behind the counter, who had just arrived and wished him a good and peaceful workday. Hell's Kitchen hasn't been the same for a while now, after Daredevil disappeared, the crime rate skyrocketed again, and a lot more Mutants were involved in it as well. You guessed because they didn't feel like they fit in, you couldn't blame them. The glass doors swung close behind you, the cool air of the evening of approaching fall nearly sending shivers down your spine, only nearly though. You fished out you phone and earphones out of your pocket, plugging them in and putting only one on. It was way too dangerous to walk around nearly deaf. You resumed the playlist you were listening, enjoying the song that came next, one of your all time favourites.

Take me to a light show before we go

Chemicals inside us line our bones

Your steps echoed through the street, the dark orange sky darkening slowly but surely fading into blue. The Bus station wasn't far away, and since your workplace didn't provide you with a parking spot, you took the bus. It roughly took the same time anyways.

Everybody's wasted, on their phones

Digits on the dancefloor, then our clothes

Next to the bus station there was a bakery, which you went to all the time while waiting for your bus. It wouldn't arrive for another 15 minutes, plenty enough time to buy yourself whatever you wanted. You usually opted for the same, but sometimes you felt like switching it up, like today. You asked for your order, waiting for the kind cashier to pack it.

Even if it blinds us

I'm reaching for the light within the fever

I'm reaching for your hand

You payed the cashier, taking your order and going back to the bus station.

The space between our fingers

Sparks, I feel them linger on

The bus arrived and after scanning your monthly ticket you sat down, thanking your work for not letting you get off in the middle of rush hour. The drive was quiet and you arrived home safely, deciding to get out of your work clothes and make yourself comfortable. You relaxed a bit, before deciding to head to bed, humming the melody of the song stuck in your head.

Next time let it go

Break my skin, Red Windows

So I'll know

.................…⁠ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ

It wasn't morning when you woke up, and it wasn't your alarm that woke you. The crashing of a window, heavy breathing and pained groans. Despite yourself, you stood up after you heard another crash - glass, maybe your table or a glass you just hadn't put in your dishwasher yet. You armed yourself with the first thing you could find - a belt - and stalked to your living room. The man had stopped trashing around, leaning heavily on a counter, shattered glass on the floor. He was still panting, but definitely trying to hide it. It was Daredevil. Daredevil stood in your apartment. Sure. yeah. Just a normal Tuesday Night. Not to mentioned he was supposedly gone.

You didn't know what came over you, but the only thing your brain was able to scamper together was a breathy "Hi" to the Vigilante. A pained smile graced his features "Hey." You stood there for a second, before remembering that he was leaning on a counter, just shattered a glass and was probably in a lot of pain. "Oh my god, wait, let me-" You vanished to get the Frist aid kit from the bathroom, returning to him in a matter of two minutes. You never thought you'd really have to use it, you didn't really expect a crime fighting Devil to appear injured in your living room. You hadn't seen any blood in the darkness, but you were sure to turn the lights on to take care of the man.

"Alright, just sit in the couch and I'll prepare... I don't know, what do you have? Bulletwounds? Were you stabbed, slashed?" The man laughed slightly but didn't move an inch. "Do you even know how to treat wounds?" "No, but that doesn't mean you can't guide me, you must me very well versed in this field." He still didn't move. "You gonna come over here?" He hesitated but pushed himself off the counter and waddled towards you, totally not noticing the couch and swaying harshly against it. He cursed under his breath and felt along the backside until he found the seating part. "Damn, you must be really out of it, not seeing the couch like that." He chuckled nervously. "Yeah, rough night" "Did you get hit in the head?" "No" Phew, thank god. One least thing to worry about. "Okay, could you like, get rid of the suit?" "Want to see a Vigilante naked so you can give it to the press?", He joked, you laughed. "No, but maybe I want to be able to keep a secret just for myself"

He got rid of the suit, wearing a thin black shirt and pants underneath, they reminded you of those that ice-skaters wore while training sometimes. His left leg was soaked, and not in sweat or water - in blood. You bunched the thin Leggings over the injury and came face to face with a red leg and a white structure, that looked way too much like a bone to be anything else, exiting his skin. "Fuck." "Yeah" "You walked with that?" "I did more with that then walk." "And you're human? Not just Thor in disguise or something?" "Pretty sur einem, yes" "That's wild. Okay, anything else?" I got shot and stabbed in the side, don't know how they got through the suit." "Alright, alright. Yeah, sure, we can.. we can work something out. I think" He laughed again, a charming laugh, you noted. "What do I do?" "Is the bullet still inside?" You pulled him forward from his leaning position, pulling up his shirt and seeing a matching hole in the back. "No" "Okay, that's good. Now you'll have to-"

You got more comfortable with him guiding you, knowing and feeling that he knew what he was doing. Sometimes he needed to help you a bit and in the end, you were done and he was still lying on your couch, his pantleg was still bunched up and his shirt was off - it had just been easier than him needing to hold it up while also guiding and helping you. While he was putting his shirt back on and sipping on some water you had brought him, you were already cleaning up the mess. You couldn't help yourself humming that song, calming yourself down why you did so, passing by Daredevil to clean the table and floor, the couch was something to worry about later. You weren't gonna throw an injured man off of your couch just to clean his blood. "My Soulmate sings that song all the time." You looked up from the puddle of blood, mixed with water and bleach you were scrubbing at and observed the man. He had a small smile on the lips that were visible. "Your Soulmate?" He nodded "Yes, she keeps singing this song, always at the same time on weekdays. I guess she gets off of work then." "Why are you telling me this? I could use this against you." "Doubt it. You would've called an ambulance or police if you would go against me" "Maybe I'm building trust to betray you."

"Why do you want me to distrust you so badly?" You stayed silent. "It's not about me", you started after a while, "it's about you. You need to be careful. Not all are as friendly as I am" "That, I only know too well." Silence. "My Soulmate doesn't sing. Never." "Never?" "No. Not even humming. Or jingles, absolutely nothing. I heard him once, back a few years ago. He was drunk, singing something very badly. He was practically screaming." "That must have been exhausting." "It wasn't. I was absolutely ecstatic. I had heard him for the first and only time that night, while he hears me on a daily basis. Sometimes I wonder if I am bothering him, because he doesn't sing at all, or if he died. I just hope he is a good man." "I am sure he is." Before Silence could settle in again, you spoke up "When your Soulmate sings Red Windows a lot, it shouldn't be hard to find them. Only round about 200 people listened to the original on YouTube, where it came from. 200 people in the entire world, shouldn't be hard to find. Not only that, but some of these probably don't even like the song." "Could you play it for me?" You were startled. "What?" "I couldn't find the song. Could you play it for me?" "Uhh" you stood up, washed your hands thoroughly with soap and got your Phone. "Sure." You typed in the name of the song, letting it play and setting the phone down on a clean surface.

In Time let it show

Feel that scarlet Undertow

As it flows

You hummed with the song, swaying a bit to the beat and going back to cleaning. The stranger on your couch watched you.

Even if our bodies start to burn

And our passion starts to turn

I don't want our night, the night, tonight to end

So

Daredevil shifted on the couch, getting up while mainly using his uninjured leg and grabbing another cloth to help you clean the blood, sitting on the floor instead of kneeling like you were.

Next time let it go,

Break my skin, Red Windows

To my soul

So I'll know.

He grabbed your wrist mid-cleaning. "You should go to bed. This is my mess, I'll clean it. You have work tomorrow, so you should definitely get enough sleep" "But you need to rest as well" "I've had worse, you should really go to sleep. I will sleep in a bit as well." "You can stay as long as you need to. And you need to rest. Leave the cleaning to me." "Of course."

After waking up, you understood that that was a stupid request from you, seeing that he cleared the shattered glass, and that every surface was clean - the Couch still had some stains but it was mostly clean. There was breakfast on the table and a man, back turned to you, helmet off, sitting and eating. "Good Morning. I see you didn't rest like I told you." "And you did" He didn't turn his head and you didn't look at his face, when he pulled his mask over his head again, hiding his black hair. "Don't you have work to attend as well?" "I.. I do." "Then you should take a cab to work and get a coworker or friend to help you." You sat down and started to eat - scrambled egg with bacon pieces mixed together with some herb you had lying around. You didn't know what it was, your mother had brought it over when you had moved - but he seemed to know. "Shame about your window" You looked at the pieces of cloth and wood (where did he get that stuff from anyways?) covering the busted window. "Yeah, that's not gonna sit well with my wallet, I'm afraid. A shame, indeed" After the Breakfast was finished, and he was back in his superhero suit, he looked back, before walking out the fire escape. "Go to a Lawyer named Matt Murdock, he will help you" "Don't think I have money, big guy" "He doesn't take money. He takes whatever you are willing to give"

And just like that, you sat at work, sitting over a half-finished sentence in your thesis and pondering about this being a dream. The Fact you had been so unfazed probably was a sign of - no. You didn't believe you'd think his, and that this was the reason that convinced you, that it had all happened. You don't even remember what you did with the belt you were holding, it seemed like a big blurr, the moment you had seen him. You clearly remembered patching him up and all that, but God damn did you want to tell someone. And tell someone you did. Your new lawyer for a case that wasn't even a case. You didn't even know why exactly you looked him up and called him, but oh well.

"Matt Murdock, Attorney at Law. What is the reason for your call?" You gave him your name, hesitating before continuing. "This may sound weird, but Daredevil crashed into my window yesterday evening and told me to call you to get that situation sorted out." The Lawyer chuckled. A familiar voice, a familiar chuckle, you realised. It was slightly different, but you couldn't shake the feeling as if you were talking to Daredevil again. Stupid Vigilante crashing into your window and your mind. You desired emotional compensation, even though he had no negative effect on you. The Lawyer chuckling was having a lot more negative impact on your mood. Of course he wouldn't take you seriously. "Do you happen to have insurance?" You nodded, then sighed, remembering you were on the phone. "Yes, but I don't think it covers crashed window because of a Vigilante type of Damage" Another laugh "Come in with your contract and I'll see what I can do" "What about Payment?" "You don't need to pay me, if you have no money. I am only here to help" Damn. So it really was whatever you were ready to give, sure.

Since a Memory is locked in tight

Even in our dreams we'd never find

Any hidden Details, not one sign

Not even your dial tone, if not mine

Making your way to the lawyer's office, your trusty Google Maps as your guide, you silently sing the song to yourself. You took off one of your earphones when you reached the building,riding the elevator a few levels up to the designated one. There was a door with a metal tag on it. In bold, pretending letters it read Nelson & Murdock & Page. You knocked beside the tag.

But I heard it in surround sound

In a private space between that only we found

Like a feeling we can't shake

They are watching through the keyholes

Wishing they could be this close

When a blonde woman opened the door, you completely took off your headphones, stopping your music effectively. She seemed surprised. "Didn't think we'd get someone today, come on in!" You entered, slightly confused. "Uhm, I called earlier, and I was told to come in whenever I can in business hours." The Woman nodded. "Who did you speak with?" "I think it was uh... A man, Murdock, I think?" She lit up. "Ah, yes, let me just check with him really quick!" She disappeared in one of the doors, the one to the left, and reappeared a few second later. "Sorry I didn't think of you, I was on break so Matt took your call, if you could wait a minute, he will call you in." You thanked her and sat down on one of the free chairs.

You were singing under your breath, just loud enough for your ears only, when you heard you name being called by a very familiar voice, a man standing in the door that was previously unoccupied, a small, smug smile on his lips. You stood up, noticing his red tainted glasses. Unusual, you noted. "Good Day, Mister Murdock, thank you for seeing me" "I just want to help, come on in." You followed him into his office, noticing how he kept one of his hands on a surface at all times, making his way to sit at his table, a bunch of thick books laying in one corner, and - you noticed - Sheets of Paper with bumps on them. Braille. You sat down at the chair in front of the desk, while he set up a recorder. "Would it be alright if I record the conversation?" "Yes, of course." "Okay good. Then, let's start." He pressed play. "Please state your name and the reason you are here." You gave him your name again, before elaborating "Yesterday night or this morning, i didn't look at the clock, but I had already gone to bed, I was woken up by a crashing sound. I went to investigate and found the Vigilante Daredevil had crashed through my window, severely injured. I helped him and just before I went to bed he told me to call this office." "About your insurance?" "Yes." "Okay, do you happen to have the contract with you?" You affirmed once again. "What kind of contract?" "It's an Appartment I had to take because of my workplace, so it's an insurance contract with them, they pay for round-about normal insurance. Don't think those cover Superhero or Vigilante Damages"

You ended up reading the entire thing to him, not even understanding half of the stuff you were reading. He did though, obviously. You ended up staying well past opening hours, tomorrow was your free day so it was fine for you - and apparently also for the lawyer. Karen Page had left around half an hour ago, so you volunteered to find the kitchen and make some coffee and a small snack, while he worked through some of his Texts in Braille, saying something to the recorder from time to time to keep it on his mind. Quietly singing the song to yourself while searching in the small kitchen for the coffee beans.

Next time, let it go,

You found the coffe beans and put them in the grinder, positioning the first cup underneath and letting the coffee run.

Break my skin, Red Windows

After that one was done, you did the same with the second cup. Bringing the two cups back, you stopped singing under your breath right in front of the office. You opened the door with your elbow and sat down the two cups p, settling back into the chair.

"You really like that song" You didn't think he'd heard you, so you were slightly surprised. "Oh, sorry if I was too loud" Matt Murdock smiled "It doesn't really matter how loud you are, it's a good song, I've heard it on loop thelastfew days" Oh, so he already knew the song, weird coincidence, considering how unknown it was. "I have been too, it's a wonderful song." "Well, I didn't really have a choice, but definitely better than other songs I had to listen to." He didn't have a choice? "Has your Soulmate been singing it?" He didn't answer, instead sipping on his coffee, giving you a fairly cheeky smile and focusing back on his work. A few Minutes passed, when you heard him hum. You heard him hum twice.

One was in you head and the other was, well, right in front of you. You were baffled. "What?" He stopped, his eyes shielded behind the red glasses, still looking straight ahead. He gave a questioning hum. "Uh... Sorry, i just had a thought" "About us being Soulmates?" You faltered. "What? How did you know?" "Because I knew since you came in. He went to take of his red glasses, unfocused eyes looking in your direction, but feeling like they still looked past you. "I didn't want to rush, but I admit, it was a pleasant discovery." "Huh".

You eyes fell to the red tainted glasses, like Red Windows.

To my soul

[ryttu3k]

Some thoughts on Zombieland Saga, 2.08!

The first part takes place in autumn of 1881, the bulk of it summer 1882. Yugiri dies that December. I'm going to assume Kiichi and Itou are somehow involved (I am very suspicious of Itou!!). Also, historically, Saga was revived in 1883, just one year later.

Yugiri's always been a bit of an odd one with the rest of Franchouchou, Tae aside. The other girls are from within forty years of each other (Junko died in 1983, Lily in 2011), but she's from nearly a century and a half earlier. So I'm guessing the reasons for her resurrection were different? Like it's not just 'she was famous in her time', it's personal. Kiichi is voiced by Mamoru Miyano as well, it's... probably a fair guess to say he could be Kotaro's ancestor?

The grandfather is straight-out credited as Jofuku/Xu Fu in the credits. Is the bartender him, still around and kicking? Did Kiichi grow up to inherit his looks and powers (if they're not biological relatives, it could be passed down via other means); did Kotaro inherit those powers too? He said last season he owes Yugiri a lot - if he's the grandfather, I have a suspicion that Kiichi is going to get into trouble, Yugiri takes the fall for him, and is executed in his place ;_; Alternatively, if the bartender IS Kiichi, same scenario could happen only this time it's specifically that she saved his life. This seems more likely, given that the grandfather has already lost his hair and the bartender hasn't. If they're not biological relatives, maybe the grandfather recognised the same kind of spirit in Kiichi and knew he would become the New Jofuku?

From Reddit:

"I think she's going to end up taking the blame, as a scape-goat. "Former star courtesan foments revolt" makes for a more convenient excuse than "country bumpkin stirs up the genuine aggrievement of the people".

She will realise who Itou is, where this whole things it leading, and sacrifice herself to save Kiichi."

Re: the cameos - I think the shots of the girls were either ancestors or just easter eggs. Romero, on the other hand, may literally be the same dog XD He's a zombie and introduced in the same breath as the necromancer grandfather, that is an old dog!

Oh right, confirmed on the subreddit:

"According to the end credits translation : all the lookalikes are just "women that looks like X " so saki is "babysitter looking like saki" and romero is literally just "romero" so I think it’s the only one that is the same"

The hard time limit - could Kotaro lose his necromantic abilities, like the grandfather did? If Romero is the same dog, at least they won't die again, but maybe they could lose regenerative abilities or... something? Still not sure about that one. Another theory I saw is that Jofuku's powers are tied to Saga's fate - if his powers wane, so does Saga. If Kotaro inherited those same abilities, he could see the impending loss of his abilities also meaning the end of Saga as he knows it.

The note at the end was translated on the subreddit too:

"Cant really read it since it is like early modern japanese and it is kinda hard to read

Part that make sense is

1. People who agreed with the target is gathering

2. Unable to confirm its current target

3. Possibility of its expansion in the future is high

4. (unreadable ) Order

Seem like the guy is doing some investigation, from the way he talk about the government, he probably belong to some underground group"

So looks like Kiichi is getting into some shit, which does lead credence to the theory that Yugiri will step in to protect him :-\

Yugiri herself - I want to give her a hug ;_; She seems so... lonely. I loved the scene under the cherry blossoms with the pinwheel, it was just this sweet moment of her getting to be a teenager for once.

Alas, her death is impending :-\ And unlike the other girls, this appears to be more... deliberate. The others were all accidents, but given how she's getting involved in politics (and Itou knows she helped Kiichi with the pamphlets!) and her single scar, she was likely beheaded and I am not emotionally prepared for that!

Finally, from Reddit:

"This episode is set in 1881-82. Modern Saga Prefecture was created in 1883. Seems like Kiichi is going to get his wish, just not the way he'd have wanted.

EDIT: Wait a second....that means Saga itself is a land that was killed and resurrected. Saga was the zombie all along. Zombie Land Saga."

Edit: Theorising how That Scene will play out:

megastarstrike — Today at 12:44 PM Tbh I wasn't thinking about her death method, just anticipating it ;-; ryttu3k — Today at 12:47 PM I don't think we're actually going to see her head get chopped off because that's a bit dark, but like - maybe Yugiri kneeling, she catches Kiichi's eye and smiles serenely, closes her eyes, there's a flash of the blade, and then we're back in the present day ;_; If they want to be really horrible we hear a thump first ...or two thumps Nooooo ;_; megastarstrike — Today at 12:48 PM I'm gonna predict your clairvoyance powers are coming to you again bc this sounds exactly like what they're gonna do ryttu3k — Today at 12:48 PM It's what I would do if I was storyboarding it, so. We'll see XD;; Can I add this to the post? megastarstrike — Today at 12:49 PM Yup Tbf that is very anime ryttu3k — Today at 12:50 PM Yeah XD

We’ll see in a week, I guess!

[wearesorcerer]

[5e] 8th-Level Spells

The glorious thing about 8th-level spells is that they are almost the same thing as 9th-level spells: horrendously powerful in ways that are barely limited. The limitations on 8th-level spells might be a smidge greater than those on 9th-level ones, but it’s not so much that (IMHO) it matters. (TBF, in 3.x spell levels vary by class; mass cure critical wounds is a 9th-level Druid spell but an 8th-level Cleric and Healing domain spell.) 8th-level spells have several perks over 9th-level spells despite being roughly as powerful: they’re available at a lower class level and you can use them more often (because you can use 8th-level and 9th-level spell slots to cast them). From experience and hearsay, I’m well aware that games don’t often get to the highest levels, but they can get to 15th/16th.

In other words, your choice of 8th-level spell is more important than your 9th. The 9th-level spell is the cherry; the 8th-level spell is either the whipped cream or some kind of drizzle.

Primary List

Abi-Dalzim’s horrid wilting · dominate monster · earthquake · incendiary cloud · power word stun · sunburst

That’s four boom-booms and two crowd-controls, with some CC mixed in with the boom-boom.

Abi-Dalzim’s Horrid Wilting: you violently dehydrate all creatures (except constructs and undead) in a 30-ft cube, dealing 12d8 necrotic damage (Con half; plants and water elementals take double damage). Non-creature, non-magical plants in the area wither and die instantly. This spell didn’t have an associated mage’s name in 3e, so I’m not sure where that came from. Other differences: it deals necrotic instead of typeless damage (you’re not applying what 3e would call “negative energy”), so undead and constructs are now immune to it; it deals a flat number of d8s instead of 1d6 per caster level (up to 20d6); and vulnerable creatures take double damage (makes sense) instead of increasing the die type to d8s. I don’t have much to complain about with this spell. It’s not my personal cuppa, but it sure is effective. Good.

Dominate Monster: you charm a creature, turning it into your mind slave for up to an hour. This is overall a downgrade from the 3e version (which lasted for one day per caster level and allowed you to perceive through the subject’s senses if you concentrated), but you don’t have to worry about issuing weird commands to prevent a creature from pulling a Sorcerer’s Apprentice problem -- and, well, you’re not waiting until 18th level (as you had to in 3.x) to get it. Do not pretend you are not horrifically evil for using this. “Good” in the sense that it’s highly useful and powerful.

Earthquake: This is the structural aspect of meteor swarm without the direct damage. It’s nearly as spectacular and will assuredly scare people in the area. The mun doesn’t care for the Earth element, but can still respect this thing’s power. Good.

Incendiary Cloud: a moving fireball that deals a flat amount of damage (10d8 fire, Dex half) but is effectively a DoT. Y’know, in case just blasting things to death wasn’t good enough for you. So far, so good.

Power Word Stun: target of 150 HP or less within range is stunned (no save); it remains stunned until, on each of its turns, it can succeed at a Con save. I like this spell a little better than power word kill in that there is some chance of the effect wearing off, as opposed to being an “I win” button almost regardless of level. It also affects more HP, so you’ll get more mileage out of it -- provided you don’t cast it on something with a good Con save. It’s not dominate monster levels of “I win,” but it’s also not mind control.

Sunburst: much bigger than fireball, blinds for one minute and deals 12d6 radiant damage (Con negates blindness, halves damage; oozes and undead have disadvantage on the save). Creatures blinded by the spell can save at the end of each of their turns to remove the blindness. ”Radiant” damage is a hold-over from 4e and was the term used to replace “positive energy,” which related to the plane of the same name. The 3.x version deals half as much typeless damage (bigger radius, though), ‘cuz it’s a light effect, not a holy effect. Sorcerers don’t get a lot of spells that deal Radiant damage unless they go Divine Soul and the Elemental Spell metamagic (UA variants) doesn’t let you change to or from Radiant (or any physical, Force, Necrotic, Poison, or Psychic) damage, so if you’re trying to cover your damage types, this is probably the spell for you. Unless you want sunbeam. A good boom-boom of boominess.

Cleric (Divine Soul) List

antimagic field · control weather · holy aura

Antimagic Field: magic stops working in a 10 ft. radius sphere centered on you. That means you shut down your class. Why would anyone do this? Mainly because of other casters. I WOULD NOT PICK THIS SPELL UNLESS YOU FIND A WAY OF ALSO BEING COMPETENT IN MELEE.

Control Weather: I’m pretty sure this is also an option for the Storm Soul or whatever it’s called, but whatevs. You’re Storm from X-Men. Need I say more? TAKE THIS SPELL!

Holy Aura: for 1000 gp, you can pretend to be a Paladin for up to a minute (with concentration). You and creatures you choose glow; they (and presumably you) have advantage on saving throws and all other creatures have disadvantage on attacks against them; Fiends and Undead that hit a creature must save (Con) vs. blindness until the spell ends. The effects are kinda neat, but why am I spending an 8th-level spell on this? Like, seriously, this is a second-level spell’s power. Pass.

Variant List

Demiplane: you create a permanent 30′ x 30′ x 30′ extradimensional room; every time you cast the spell, you can either create a new plane or gain access (via shadowy door) to one you’ve made or know of. It’s like having a better version of a bag of holding and a worse version of Mordenkainen’s magnificent mansion at once. The advantages over MMM (no costly material component, the space is permanent) outweigh its drawbacks. For Sorcerers who have incredibly awesome plans and/or just like planar magic.

Spells I Wish Were on the List

animal shapes · antipathy/sympathy · clone · glibness · illusory dragon · maze ·  mind blank · telepathy · tsunami

Animal Shapes: as I said about 9th-level spells, animal shapes is better for anyone who cares about polymorphing party members. There’s bound to be a Druidic or therianthropic origin at some point.

Antipathy/Sympathy: because 3.x got rid of inverting spells (a thing in AD&D), these were separate ones, so it’s good to see them as one effect. The downside is...why is this so high level? You specify a kind of creature (which sounds like species rather than type) that is affected by the spell and either wants to approach or flee from within 60 ft. of something. In real life, 60 ft. is not all that big; it’s tremendous in D&D because D&D is weird. The 10 day duration is really the only thing that justifies this spell’s level, but that’s an upgrade (it was two hours per caster level).

Clone: as I recall, this was the spell that made me realize how restricted the 5e Sorcerer’s spell list was, to my great disappointment. I’ve never used clone, but it’s a spell that’s worth using. You want to pull a Naraku? You can out do Naraku. You want to be a lich? Why would you when you can just use this spell and find a better method of gaining immortality? Such a good spell!

Glibness: This is something of an upgrade, yet not. The spell was new to 3.5; it was a Bard-only spell and third level (why it’s a Transmutation effect and not an Enchantment is beyond me), whereas here it’s 8th-level. The effects are identical save that the 3.5 gave you +30 on the check and worked for 10 min./level (which, given how Bards worked back then, meant 70+ minutes), whereas this treats your roll as a 15 and lasts for an hour. Rolling a 15 in 5e is much better than it was in 3.x given how easy it was to inflate die rolls, so the spells are roughly the same...except that this is an 8th-level spell, which is mind-blowing to me.

Illusory Dragon: other than going off of Investigation (3.5: Search) instead of Perception (Spot), this is pretty much greater shadow conjuration one level higher and with a specific thing it can do. I’d say compare it against phantasmal forces from O/B/AD&D. Still cool.

Maze: I’m assuming you can accomplish the same thing with imprisonment, but regardless, mazing is awesome.

Mind Blank: this is pretty much the best abjuration magic against spells that affect or target a creature’s mind. (I’d say that unequivocally, but I don’t know all spells in 5e.) Yes, it’s worth having. Very much so.

Telepathy: the only advantages this spell has over telepathic bond (a 5th-level spell) are that it lasts for 24 hours, you can cast it on a creature on the same plane from any distance, and it affects basically all creatures (IIRC you can’t have 0 in a stat anymore). The duration is key here, as permanency is no longer a spell.

Tsunami: I just like the idea, ‘kay?

[caligobeltrao]

I for one would love 2 hear ur thoughts on the hannibal novel 👀👀 - bloodybrahms ☺

ahhh thank you BB!! <3 I’m gonna throw it under a cut bc I know people aren’t gonna want my ramblings clogging up their dash lol. 

Edit after I’ve written it: Holy shit this turned into a monster but tbf I did say I was going to rant. I think I miss writing college essays...

Also, I would like to note bc I’m about to bitch, I do still love Hannibal and Clarice and all of the franchise. Hell, I even love book Hannibal because I’m garbage and want to be special. So yeah. It’s a fond bitching. 

Okay where to fuckin begin man... This novel was a fucking Shit Show, my dudes. It was like baby’s first fanfiction. 

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 

So by now, having read both Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, I know Harris injects of lot of sexual shit into his novels, fine whatever, but the amount of pedophilia is insane. Like, Red Dragon with the grandmother threatening to cut his dick off by holding it in between scissors????? And then we have Mason Verger, worst human on the planet. Like jfc I’ll go into him specifically more later but just. Men. Why does it always have to be sexual. 

Like that time Clarice wasn’t wearing a bra and she wanted to prove to Paul Krendler she wasn’t wearing a wire so she flashed him her tits?? Unnecessary, Harris. Bullshit on all counts. 

Next, poor Ardelia Mapp. So he clearly wrote out her accent in Silence, which frankly reads racist since to me it seemed like he did it every time a character of color was met but he didn’t for Clarice’s Southern accent except for this book when she was talking to Ardelia. Now, that’d be a cool way to show how close they are, sure, but it just... She didn’t show up enough to warrant that reaction from me, plus all the other casually racist shit he throws in. 

Ardelia’s literally there as the wise Black best friend to help Clarice along. She doesn’t feel like her own character, she’s only there in conjunction with her, or doing something for her. She was the fucking valedictorian for Christ fucking sake, she also works at the Bureau but if her department was mentioned it was only once in passing. She was not a full character which fucking blows because she could’ve been so cool. 

And real quick before I forget, I hate how she’s treated in the end. I do like she gets a reference and that brainwashed Clarice sent her an emerald ring and a note saying she was okay, but Ardelia was abandoned by her best friend (that she had lived with) with not even a phone call and they will never see each other again and I think Ardelia knows it. It sucks and I’m heartbroken for this woman. 

I’m gonna touch a little bit on the racism too. Now I’m white and not the most qualified to talk about this shit, but I do wanna mention it because it makes me mad. There’s just so many unnecessary slurs, any POC is more of a background helper character to Clarice than anything or a foil. 

For example, Evelda Drumgo. She starts us off. Badass Black woman who runs a drug cartel. She chooses to shoot at Clarice and risk her baby’s life, and we have Clarice wash the baby off and save his life. Then Evelda’s mother is written as irrational when she slaps Clarice for visiting the baby in the hospital; I get Clarice’s impulse, but that woman just lost her daughter because Clarice killed her. I would’ve slapped Clarice too, even if it was a totally justifiable shot. 

The baby himself is used as a foil throughout other parts, most notably to me when Clarice goes to visit Mason the first time. There are two Black boys from a foster home playing in a room with a camera so Mason can watch them, and it shakes Clarice up a lil bit because of the baby, but it says she’s getting more used to it.

Now this is half and half well written and shoddy to me. It’d be a cool moment, if the whole incident wasn’t nearly completely forgotten for the rest of the book shortly afterword. It could show growth, if Clarice had any growth to show. 

And then the Romani people who are literally just used and thrown away. Sickening. Also very broadly used the stereotypes we hear which Sucks; the three we meet in any sort of depth are pickpockets, one was already in jail and Pazzi used his leverage as a police officer to get her to do what he wanted and threatened to have her baby taken away from her permanently, like it was just bad. And then the man got killed. Pazzi let him bleed out. Asshole. 

The slurs. I could take out all of them and pretty much have the same damn thing. Like I get showing negative aspects of characters and just because a character’s racist doesn’t mean the author is, but with the characters already being as shitty as they are, fully didn’t need it to make them worse. Entirely unnecessary. Racism or the character being racist has no impact on the plot is the major thing, I think. And you can replace that with anything along those lines, like sexist, homophobic, transphobic. It didn’t impact the plot, they can still be shitty, you just don’t need to use them. 

This also goes in reference to Margot being a lesbian. And the transphobia holy shit, it was disgusting. Harris had Clarice think something so cruel and unnecessary it’s like my guy why was that even remotely something we needed to hear. We didn’t. I wanted to stop reading because that’s not my Clarice, first and foremost, and second, this is supposed to be the character we LIKE. And now I don’t like ANYBODY in this damn book. 

And he treats Margot like shit too, and Barney. 

Their friendship was beautiful and great and finally for once something nice was happening in Margot’s life and I was happy reading it, and then FOR SOME REASON Margot goes to shower in the same room as Barney after a workout, which makes no sense, and then Barney tries to force a kiss on her (and he was hard, Harris made that very clear) and she had been sexually assaulted by Mason her brother and ruin the whole damn thing and none of it would have changed any other piece of the novel if you removed it!!!!!!!!! Entirely unnecessary!!!!!! And Barney had the gall to say well I couldn’t help myself like none of that was realistic in the slightest, she never would have went in the same room to shower with him. 

Something you need to do is basically get some suspension of disbelief from your reader and maintain and stretch that as you go, right? Well mine was gone at that moment.

Also side note Margot is basically just there to show how shitty Mason is for the umpteenth time. Her whole thing is lesbian sexual assault victim.

Also heavily implied she was a lesbian because of the sexual assault. And we rarely see Judy, her girlfriend, so. Bad. Bad all around. 

Circling back around to Clarice and how disappointing she is in the books as compared to the movies. Well, Clarice is also a poorly written character. She’s 1000x better in the movie. Hell, she’s even better in this book than she was in Silence, but that’s not fucking hard. 

Pretty much all the characters are so flat they don’t even classify as two dimensional. 

Like sure, maybe we wanna say Clarice didn’t really solve much in the first book and was just handed everything because she was a trainee and that’s what Hannibal wanted. 

Like if you remember the John Mulaney sketch of Delta Airlines where he’s just going “Okay!” and running to the next place he’s told, that’s Clarice. 

Okay so why does she get goaded into all this shit now? She should know better. She should know how to handle herself better. Like she messes up basic fucking shit like clearing a room before untying Hannibal, which was stupid, she seems oblivious to some of the politics at work even though she’s been in the FBI for like 7 years now, she would at least have more fucking contacts than Brigham who died in the beginning and Jack Crawford who died at the end by rolling over in his bed to his dead wife’s side and Ardelia who would be near the same level as Clarice I guess but I still don’t know her damn department???? Like you fucking network. 

Plus after her final fall from grace with the FBI, we meet or are told of random side characters that go no where and do nothing just to say “hey look at my special little girl, everyone likes her and looks up to her!!” Why? Because she caught Buffalo Bill 7 years ago and then never got a promotion or even worked with the BAU? Again, it does not make sense. People may pity her? But a random girl in the lab wouldn’t be fangirling. Starling herself said her career had gone nowhere because of the politics and not sleeping with Paul. You need to show me why she’s likable in her actions not others words. 

We spend more time away from her than with her anyways but Jesus. 

AND HER IN THE ENDING. She was fucking BRAINWASHED????? Bull FUCKING SHIT. He completely ruined anything he even remotely might’ve had in this cluster fuck of a novel. 

Case in point, difference from the movie, Hannibal spends weeks (possibly? it’s left purposefully vague and I’m guessing that’s because Harris didn’t know the ins and outs and wanted his novel done) meticulously brainwashing Clarice, he had stolen her father’s bones and she’s so far gone at that point she doesn’t care, and the whole scene where Paul is getting his brain eaten? Yeah, she happily indulges and when he insults her, she asks Hannibal for more. Fuck you, Thomas Harris. 

And Hannibal’s a Gary Stu, fucking fight me. 

In the movie he either is or he’s tap dancing on that line, don’t get me wrong, but in the novels it’s insufferable because it doesn’t seem earned. The pigs didn’t attack him because they didn’t smell fear on him. No. He’s easily able to drug and brainwash Clarice and take her as his lover. No. Go away. He’s so smart and one step ahead and can manipulate anyone and everyone into doing what he wants and blah blah blah shut up! A character being perfect isn’t interesting even if he’s evil!! We all know he’s never truly in danger because of how Harris writes him and that’s boring!! 

And I personally have a pet peeve where the villain is described as a monster or unstoppable. That’s boring and I no longer care about your story. I know 9 times out of 10 your main character is going to find a bullshit way around the impossible and kill it. Or it’s just like a default personality and nothing else is added to it. And that’s Hannibal. 

I’m on Hannibal Rising now and, spoiler alert, he’s very bland as a character. (Also Harris switched some details in the novel which kinda annoys me like get your own canon right my man but whatever.) The plot itself is pretty fun? I guess? Like there’s action and stuff and I’m enjoying that. But it’s the same set up where Harris’s Gary Stu always wins, like he was 13 in the book when he killed the butcher. Let. Your. Characters. Lose. 

Also even more racist shit but what did I expect really. 

Anyways, I have no idea who I’m supposed to root for in the novel because all the characters are just kinda shitty. It really just boils down to Harris not showing any redeeming qualities or actions from any of his characters. I liked Margot for a while out of spite but she never really went anywhere and the way she killed Mason (btw she sodomized him with a cattle prod to get his semen bc side plot and then stuffed his Moray eel down his throat and somehow I still don’t think that’s the worst part of the novel) just. No thanks really. 

All the random little side plots were also pretty not great. How many time does Harris have to say Pazzi of the Pazzis? Like I fucking get what you’re going for, even if I hadn’t watched the movie I’d be like, “Oh this dude’s gonna get hung outta that window, dope,” the literal first time. Stop treating your readers like idiots. 

And then Margot’s side plot was that the will their father left said she needed a biological heir to inherit because he was pissed she’s gay and we needed the homophobia I guess, so Mason got everything, and she was helping him with the Hannibal shit because he’s pretty incapacitated duh, and in return he would give her his jizz so Judy could be artificially inseminated and they could have a child and get some of her inheritance. I don’t care. It was all very gross, and Mason kept saying shit like suck me off you’ve done it before, I won’t be able to feel it anyway, maybe Judy’ll suck me off you think she’d like that. It’s all gross. 

And I guess this is a good a time as any to finally start on Mason. So a great rule of writing to make everything work better and give your story more depth is to give everyone both positive and negative traits right, even and especially the bad guys? Like, rules can always be broken if you’re a good enough writer, but I believe I have established that Harris isn’t quite there yet, to put it nicer than I have. 

Mason is one bad trait after another. It’s like when Harris was bored of constantly writing about plain ole pedophilia, he threw a dart at a board of horrible things and landed on topics such as: pedophilia but make it incest, extreme sadism, sadism but against children now, and good old fashioned racism! Fucking Cordell was supposed to collect the children’s tears after Mason would make them cry and put them in martinis for him. Realism went out the goddamn door real fast with this novel y’all. Like a fucking Scooby Doo villain over here. 

And he loves talking about being a sadistic pedophile, he will literally not shut up about it to Clarice when she first gets there telling her about his trip to Africa and this portable guillotine he has and just. I get it was probably like trying to make her uncomfortable on purpose because he’s a Freak, but it went way too far if only because it was annoying, not even uncomfortable for me as a reader. I was bored real quick. Get to the shit I actually wanna know. 

And it sucks because of the weird, over-the-top way of how he died, I got zero satisfaction from his death. I couldn’t even be like, “Well at least Margot got her revenge,” because that’s not how she originally wanted to kill him!!! She wanted someone else to extract his semen for the insemination but couldn’t find anybody to do it for her, and then Hannibal, whilst tied up, said use a cattle prod and you won’t have to touch him and when you kill him you can blame it on me, and I’m pretty sure even if she hit his prostate right every time and he COULD cum from that alone in addition to how his body is Fucked Up now, it would’ve been a lengthy, gross, and re-traumatizing experience for her because all she wanted to do was avoid seeing and touching her brother’s private parts again, which I think is a totally fair and rational desire. 

So I have to live with the fact that she was desperate enough to not lose the house and business because of her homophobic father to go through her childhood trauma again. There’s no place in this book that has a somewhat positive conclusion. 

Even the very last bit where Barney has a girlfriend and a ton of cash from Margot, all he wants to do is see every Vermeer in the world right? Well, because Hannibal and Clarice are in Buenos Aires where one of them is on display, Barney gets spooked and has him and his girlfriend leave before he can see it and it ends that bit with he never got to see it ever so he didn’t even complete his dream!!! 

Also for good measure, Harris throws in that Hannibal and Clarice enjoy having sex regularly. For no reason. Just letting us know. 

I know this seemed like just a bitch fest, because it was, but I kinda sorta enjoyed it? It kept my attention at the very least. It’s really disappointing because like I said, I love the movies, all of them, and have since I was little. To see the original not stand up to that image in my mind is a little heartbreaking. Especially Clarice. She was a strong female role model to me, but turns out she’s... just kinda there. And her ending is that of her no longer being herself and getting that agency taken away from her. 

There is a reference to her waking up from a sleep, if she is asleep (that’s kind of how he worded it), that kinda let us draw our conclusions on whether she was just brainwashed into being good for him or if she was willingly going along with this and was in love with him I guess and it felt like a slap in the face. She turned from a hardworking, modest country girl working her way up to the FBI into a female Hannibal. Which on the surface sounds kinda cool because we love luxe serial killers, but that’s not what she wanted or who she was set up to be. And to insinuate that she would even remotely consider choosing that path for herself is at its best an insult to her and at its worst a complete erasure of her background, what little character Harris did set up. It also completely erases my own connections to her, as a girl from a small town myself who has bigger dreams than this and also... a good, strong set of morals. He just tossed that out the window. 

Obviously if you’re on this blog, you like slasher x reader shit, and this is a novel with a slasher x a person, right? So why am I so mad about it? Because the whole point of this blog and reader insert fanfiction in general is that you are taken as you are and loved wholly as yourself and that you are worthy of that love (in a fictional setting, not really loving people who are like this, which I think we understand but I want to clarify). She was not taken as she was. He is not in love with her, she is not in love with him. She was transformed into what he wanted out of her. He couldn’t get her to be Mischa, his first plan, so he made her like himself. And the fact that he was so easily able to do it makes me upset, and even more so is that it’s not written like it’s weird or wrong. It’s written like they’re in love and this is a good thing. 

He may have been going for the classic “everyone is capable of doing bad things” stuff we see a lot, but we got that from Margot already. And Barney, for stealing Lecter’s stuff and selling it. And Paul, and the entire FBI for turning on Clarice, and the kidnappers, and Pazzi, and random shitty side characters. And none of it was particularly well written or made some sort of strong statement. It just was. And that’s not a good enough basis for a novel. 

Anyways, if you made it this far holy shit you’re a saint and I love you, let’s be friends?? <3 Have a good day y’all, thank you BB for giving me permission to ramble. 

[england-nt]

So listen to my slightly (very) tipsy brain talk rubbish about West Brom-

When we appointed Bilic last July, he was bought in on a 2 year contract to get us up in those two years. At the end of those 2 years, our parachute payments would stop and we’d pretty much be stuck in the championship for an indeterminate amount of time. Instead, he’s done it in a year, and we’re back in the prem

Admittedly it’s been a mixed season- if you’d have told me the weekend I went to Bristol that a pandemic would stop the league and we’d return looking like we’d never played football before, I’d have laughed at you. I think when we appointed bilic, we were all ‘cautiously optimistic’. I always say the championship is the best league and I truly do mean it. Just because you’re a solid premier league manager, doesn’t mean you’ll cut it in the championship. It’s not just a difference in quality (we played Luton on a Tuesday night whilst wolves played Man City on a Sunday afternoon), but its relentless all the time. We went 9 games without winning over Christmas, and when you fall out of your rhythm it is so hard to get it back because you don’t have time to sit down and change things. The period where we didn’t drop any point did admittedly do us good and put of 15 points clear of third at best, but we inevitably ended the season like we always do- a fight on our hands on the final day. The season ended with a whimper more than a bang with a 2-2 deaw and we only finished 2 points clear of third (everyone say “thank you Barnsley” xo) without the title we’d hoped for. However we have finished the 19/20 season 2nd in the championship, which is exactly the same position we finished the 09/10 season which is pretty cool. We love consistency. Also a bit of cup run! To the fifth round! Which is a cup run for us considering our last major trophy was in 1968!

Low points of the season include the draw to Nottingham forest (2-2 and they had 1 shot on target), the draw against Barnsley (2-2 against bottom of the league at the time), the loss to Middlesbrough during a 9 game streak without winning (incredible second goal from them tbf) and the more recent 2-1 loss to Huddersfield (which we all assumed would cost us automatics). Also when blackburn scored against us in 25 seconds. That wasn’t fun. We won though.  

High points would be the previously mentioned Bristol city game (2-0 up, red card to one of our players with 20 minutes to go, only to make it 3-0 5 minutes later), millwall away (game nearly cancelled for weather, solid 2-0 win), and 4-2 against Huddersfield at home (“how shit must you be, we’re winning away” “oh fuck”). Honourable mentions to Brentford 0-1 stoke and Barnsley 2-1 brentford, both of which handed us the automatics, and to Charlie Austin against Birmingham in December. He might be a twat, but he scores some bangers. 

Goals of the season nominations should be matty phillips against nottingham forest away (definitely a cross), Livermore against Hull away (still convinced he just hit a pass wrong), Townsend against West Ham (in the cup but whatever), and Robinson against QPR (just cause thats the goal that sent us up). Player of the season will be given to matheus pereria, but should include Jake Livermore, Romaine Sawyers, and Grady Diangana- we’re a different team without them. And Brunt should be in the mix- he leaves us after 13 seasons, I sobbed over his goodbye interview earlier, and his importance cannot be understated. 

At the end of the day though, no ones looking at the results, they’re looking at the table. Last season no one cared that we beat qpr 7-1 or villa 2-0 or that embarrassing 4-0 loss at leeds, they cared that finished 4th and lost the playoffs. This season no one cares that we lost to Huddersfield or that we thrashed Cardiff and Bristol, they only care that we finished 2nd.

The point stands though- we’re back in the premier league. I was 9 the last time we go promoted (on the last day of the season like this time), and I don’t really remember it. I do know deep down that next season won’t be pretty (just look at Norwich). But god will it be worth it. Back in the premier league, back where I 100% believe we belong. I’m dead excited to see what we come up with next season. The last time people saw us in the prem we were neck deep in a tony pulis/Alan pardew style of football that makes you want to pull your hair out. This season we’ve been smooth, we’ve been creative, we’ve played some passes and scored some goals that would’ve been talked about for months if they’d come from Man City or Liverpool. Just look at pererias free kick against qpr, or our first against bristol at home (seriously, the diangana assist is sexy) , or the third against Bristol away. It might also be terrible, but I guess we’ll at least get to find out

Anyway- up the fucking baggies, sotv, sing about how bilic loves us, all that jazz. WE ARE PREMIER LEAGUE. For one season at least

(promise ill shut up about them now for at least a few weeks. cheers x)

[catsafarithewriter]

“Someone tell me what’s going on because I have no idea what I’m looking at right now” I imagine Harry saying that about something that the cat bureau did that might be bad or funny. The last prompt you did made me cry but that means that you did a great job!!!👍👍👍👍 keep up at your work and keep being amazing!!!!

A/N: I feel like writing is one of the few things you can get told “it made me cry, good job!” and I love that XD I went for something funnier here because I’ve been working on TBF and the last chapter made me feel things. 

ALSO: @nalua93 you sent me the prompt: “How’d you light that on fire? I didn’t even know that was possible.” I made a note of it and Tumblr promptly ate it, but it combines well with this ficlet, so here you go! One for the price of two!

x

Haru didn’t remember much from her chemistry classes. 

Truth be told, she had always known that chemist was never going to be a viable career option for her, so she hadn’t exactly thrown herself into it the same way she had with her other subjects. She had passed, and that was the important thing. 

She was, however, fairly certain that stone didn’t burn. 

She stood under the archway of the Sanctuary’s entrance, hands clasped together as if in prayer and chin leaning against them as she regarded the pandemonium laid out before her. She was very still and very calm despite the fact that her heart was racing at a hundred miles an hour. Her threshold for panicking had risen considerably since joining the Bureau, but even so she was on the verge of hitting her limit. 

“Someone,” she said loudly over the roar of flames, “tell me what’s going on because I have no idea what I’m looking at right now.”

The rest of the Bureau were standing a safe distance off from the fire and were giving the column of flames the same kind of look that mechanics give particularly stubborn cars. They did, however, jolt at her voice. 

Was it her imagination, or did Baron look just a smidgen guilty?

“What’s it look like to ya?” Muta demanded. “It’s a blooming big pillar of fire.”

“I get that,” Haru said weakly, “but why?”

Muta and Toto pointed to Baron. 

“Now, I hardly think that’s fair–” Baron began. 

“Messing with magic? Again?” Before Baron could protest - as if magical mishaps courtesy of his trial and error wasn’t a regular occurrence - she continued. “How? I mean, just how did you set Toto’s column alight? It’s stone. It’d have to be… be…”

“Nearly as hot as magma,” Toto supplied when Haru couldn’t even imagine what temperatures would set stone on fire. 

Baron’s sheepish aura lifted. “Ah, I see your confusion. The column itself is not on fire, but is actually surrounded by a circular wall of flame caused by something in its centre.”

Haru stared. “And that makes things better how?”

“Well, at least the column isn’t on fire.”

“Wow, the bar is so low.” She glanced to him, tearing her eyes from the disaster for a few seconds. “Isn’t fire, like, supremely bad news for you? You’re made from wood. Last I checked, fire beats wood.”

“I was indeed sculpted from wood, but in my current form I am as flesh and blood as you.”

“Oh good,” Haru said faintly. “Then you’ll just burn like the rest of us.”

“Not all of us,” Toto interjected. “I was carved from stone.”

“Can you do that? Change back and keep moving?”

“With some magical effort, yes.”

“Toto,” Baron said, “we’ve discussed this. You’re not going in there alone. We have no idea what’s causing this.”

“Let me know when you come up with one of your foolproof, risk-free plans you’re so well known for thinking up then.”

“You still haven’t told me how this all started,” Haru reminded them, interceding before there could be the risk of an uncharacteristic argument between Toto and Baron. “I get that you were messing with magic-” and she barrelled on before Baron could protest “-but what kind of magical mess does that?” 

Baron mumbled something. 

“What was that?”

He mumbled again.

“He was working on his light show,” Muta translated. 

“And he set the air on fire?”

“I set nothing on fire!” Baron hotly protested. “I was simply trying a new angle for the light, and it seems to have.. triggered something.”

“There was a cracking sound from the pillar,” Toto said. “And the next thing we know - whoosh.” 

“Stone en flambe,” Muta added. 

Toto snorted under his breath. 

Baron looked less than amused. Haru wasn’t aware that it was possible to blush past fur, but some of his ginger fur looked decidedly redder than she was familiar with. 

She tore her gaze away, aware that maybe staring too long at Baron would raise questions, and looked back to the pillar of fire just as something collapsed from it. Haru yelped and leapt aside, brain muddling in adrenaline-fuelled panic, and nearly jumped the wrong way. She skittered out of falling range and grey bricks bounced past her feet. Round. Smooth. Familiar. 

The remains of Toto’s plinth rolled to a halt against the archway. 

Gazes were beginning to be exchanged when the ground shook and the paving stones rippled like waves on an ocean. Haru dropped down to a crouch before she could fall. A weight on her shoulder told her Baron had joined her before the waves could swallow him up at his current height. 

“Wh-what–” she juddered “–did you do?”

“I told you - light magic–” Baron began. 

“Light magic doesn’t d-do this!”

And then the shaking stopped. The column of fire vanished. The silence that followed - devoid of the crackle of flames or the rattle of stones - was almost heavy. Haru could hear her own breaths. Her own heartbeat. The creak of her joins as she rose back to her feet. 

A infant’s wail.

She tiptoed towards the source - which was, naturally, in the centre of the Sanctuary, right where the fire had circled and Toto’s column had originally rested - and there was a tiny cavity in the ground. About a foot in width, once upon a time hidden by the base of Toto’s column, and only another foot deep. 

Inside rested the remains of an egg. 

It was speckled blue, like a sparrow’s egg except for some rather major details. The first of which, obviously, was that this egg was at least tenfold - if not double that again - the size of a sparrow’s egg and that sparrows - in Haru’s experience - were not in the habit of laying their eggs beneath stone pillars. 

And the final - most damning - clue was the fact that inside the cracked egg sat a dragon. 

Haru took a sudden intake of breath, all the shock she could afford to give in a day already full of surprises. “Tell me that’s not what it looks like,” she said.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Baron echoed dutifully.

“It’s… it’s a lizard or something. Just… your average lizard that hatches from an egg hidden away for… who knows how long in a blast of fire… Baron, how the flip did you manage to hatch a dragon’s egg?” Haru eventually demanded. “I mean. Seriously?”

Toto landed on her other shoulder, head dipped in thought. “Dragon eggs can go through a period of almost unlimited dormancy; it’s possible that egg has been down there for longer than we’ve been at the Sanctuary. If Baron’s experimentation with his usual light show managed to somehow pierce through to the egg, it might have mistaken it for being removed and prompted it to hatch.”

“And… the fire?”

“Some dragons only hatch in fire. It’s very possible the Sanctuary provided fire to help it.”

“Yeah, well, some warning woulda been nice,” Muta muttered. He finally joined them, looking a little worse for wear after the earthquake. He made a face at the baby dragon that was nearly as large as him. “So, uh, what’d we do with it now? Is there a dragon cattery we can drop it off at? A draggery? The RSPD?”

The dragon clawed its way out of its egg and stumbled on newborn legs towards Haru. She took a half-hearted step back but didn’t try to pry it off as it grabbed her ankle. It curled around her foot like a possessive cat. “Uh no. Dragon’s don’t…. uh, they don’t imprint, do they?”

The dragon gave a soft crooning noise that almost sounded like a purr. 

“Some dragons do,” Toto said.

“This one?”

“…Maybe.”

“I can’t look after a dragon! I can barely look after houseplants! I managed to kill a spider plant once!”

“How?” Baron asked. 

 “I just… look, I cannot be this dragon’s mommy, okay? Even if I was the queen of houseplants, I’m not allowed pets in my flat. My landlady would have my head. And - and dragons get big, don’t they? I don’t even have a garden. How long before it outgrows my tiny apartment? I don’t have enough space to swing a cat on the best of days - sorry. But, come on, this is crazy, I cannot…” 

She trailed off as the dragon continued to croon happily. 

Her common sense yielded a few brain cells to the basic instincts of ‘cute’ and ‘pet’. She reluctantly gave it an obliging scratch behind the ears and the entirely of her brain threw in the towel as the dragon crooned happily and leant into the touch. 

“Dammit,” she whispered. “Alright, but you guys are helping with toilet training.” 

[deadendtracks]

For the fanfic ask game, can you answer 1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10 and 11 (or some combination thereof?) for the Idiot Prayer series? (I apologize but I really love this AU).

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I wrote “Hail from old water” first, then “gunna pass…” then “distant shots” so they came a bit out of order. “Hail from old water” started out because I wanted to explore potential consequences of Tommy’s head injury, not just from the whump standpoint (although of course that’s a big motivator) but from the standpoint of how would he react to being put in a position where he loses his tight control over himself and is left vulnerable in a way I think he’d be really uncomfortable with. It’s more fragmented structurally than the others because of that, I think, and because it’s from Tommy’s POV. And it became a Tommy and Alfie story because I felt like Tommy being that vulnerable in front of Alfie of all people would really bother him. I didn’t want the first seizure in front of Alfie to be his first seizure period, so that required flashbacks. When he has two seizures in a row (goes into status epilepticus) the narration gets even more fragmented, and I was trying to experiment a bit there to convey the experience from his perspective, how disorienting it would be, while still trying to get a bit of a hint of how it impacted Alfie as well. It’s a bit abrupt here and there because I felt like he’d react that way. Not sure I totally pulled it off, especially the first time they sleep together, but overall I’m pretty happy.

“Gunna pass” wasn’t originally meant to be part of the same universe as “Hail,” it started off as an exchange fic and was going to just be gen, I wanted to try writing Alfie’s POV and also wanted to throw them both into a situation where they’re stuck together in a stressful situation. So, you know, kidnapping. It was never intended to be shippy but then the characters asserted themselves anyway and basically intend to go out on a nice date at the end, lolol. So it became a precursor to “Hail” and I decided I had a series going.

Things had been left dangling between Alfie and Tommy in “Hail” and also I was really, really struck by the scene in s4 in Tommy’s gin distillery between them, I mean, wow. So that inspired “distant shots.” I got to thinking, you know, during the vendetta Tommy probably wasn’t too keen on the side effects of the Luminol. It was the treatment at the time for epilepsy but it does have a sedative effect, and after being caught by an assassin in his own house and his brother dying, I figured Tommy would have done the math and decided the risk of going off his medication and having a seizure was worth the tradeoff of feeling sharper. I wanted that to be a very conscious choice on his part, he knows it’s not the best thing medically, but he feels he doesn’t have alot of options if he wants to keep his family alive. But the story is from Alfie’s POV so of course Alfie is going to have Opinions about that, given what happened in the last story, when Tommy made a similar decision. And I decided to write it from Alfie’s POV to see how the last story had impacted him a bit, and also because I’d enjoyed it while writing “gunna.” I think I mentioned this briefly in another response to this meme, but I got really stuck trying to get them to the actual sex scene and couldn’t figure out why (and tbf, getting stuck involved alot of juicy conversations between them in the fallout of chapter 1) and finally I realized that I’d been thinking of Tommy as the one reluctant to get on with it, when really it was Alfie, and it was because last time Tommy’d nearly died on him, and that kinda had an impact. Which caused the whole argument in his hotel room, where Tommy’s pissed that Alfie is hesitating, and led to some tenderness I didn’t really anticipate. 

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

gunna: Silence met the question, because the man never seemed to speak without considering twenty-nine alternative fucking responses and what they might mean for his strategy at hand. Or maybe his words were rationed and if he ran out of that day’s allotment he lost the ability to communicate at all. 

[I have a rule of thumb when writing Tommy and Alfie scenes, that you should always add more words than you think you need for Alfie and cut more words than you think you should for Tommy, so it’s a bit of meta commentary here, lol.]

Hail: He’d pissed himself this time, but Alfie hadn’t said anything about that. Maybe that was the bad news.

[I felt like I started to get Tommy’s voice for the first time here so I’m fond of it. Tommy’s got a kind of dark, dry sense of humor.]

distant: And now here was Tommy on the floor at his feet, flopping like a fish just dumped from the net, and here was his brother Arthur with the gun and a snarl and wide panicked eyes. 

[I feel like Alfie probably makes things ridiculous half as a coping mechanism, half to fuck with people, so him finding himself in this situation is both a) scary and b) absurd and there’s not really any separating the two for him. and seeing Tommy have a seizure again after the last time is more scary than the gun in his face so of course he has to minimize that the most. it’s a serious thing so he’s going to try to make it unserious, if only to himself, to get through the moment.]

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

gunna: “So,” Alfie said finally. “Before I was graced with your esteemed presence, mate, I assumed this interruption of my busy schedule was all your fucking doing. But unless you’ve dedicated yourself to an entirely new and elaborate form of theatre, I can eliminate that possibility, yeah?”

[I like the idea that after the grenade bluff in s2, Alfie had the slightest lingering doubt that maybe Tommy’d gotten himself beaten and tied up and dumped into a cellar as some kind of trick, just to fuck with him.]

Hail: “So, you’re not dead,” Alfie said, then pushed himself up with the cane to loom over him again. “I suppose that’s the good news. For both of us, see, because getting rid of the body of one’s business associate in such a public place is a young man’s game.”

[I was really intimidated to write any Alfie dialog and this felt in character to me.]

distant: “It happens again, this time I’m letting you fucking choke,” Alfie spat. “And when your thick fucking brother tries to kill me for it, I’ll have him cut into pieces so small that after they’re scattered it’ll take a year for your people to gather enough for one of your fucking bonfires.”

[this is an awful thing to say! both to a guy who just had a seizure and whose brother recently bought it violently. but i really wanted to get at the fact that Alfie was deeply freaked out by the fact that Tommy had nearly died on him last time they fucked, that it was a traumatic experience for him, and this was what was delaying them getting it on now. if they’re gonna fight before they fuck, let it be genuinely ugly, you know? At the same time, Tommy has to live with his injury and isn’t about to let it stop him from having sex, so you see the conflict here.]

7: Where did the title come from?

The series title is from a song of the same name by Nick Cave, Idiot Prayer. “Gunna pass me to that house above” is a lyric from that song. “Hail from old water” is a lyric from The Wind by Feist, and “distant shots and passing trucks” is a lyric from Mourning Sound by Grizzly Bear. Yes, nearly all my titles are song lyrics, I hate titling things and it’s a place to start. Not incidentally, all of these songs are on the playlist I made for “distant shots and passing trucks” so it’s basically a playlist for the whole series.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

No! I don’t usually have alternate versions. Usually my drafting/editing is just taking things out or adding things in once I have a draft. 

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

For “gunna” it was the request of my recipient in the exchange. For the other two, it was because I really wanted to try my hand at writing Tommy/Alfie that felt like something that might happen in canon to me. 

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I tried to keep it as much in character as possible, at least how I see the characters in canon. Which meant they weren’t very overtly affectionate (neither character is very overtly affectionate with anyone), but I think what I enjoyed most and what surprised me most is how covertly affectionate and caring they ended up being of each other in little ways that go unspoken, in all the fics, even the first one that takes place before they’re involved. That’s how I’d see them as a pairing, I guess, if it ever were to happen. And I wanted to try and keep things balanced despite two of the stories primarily being about the consequences of Tommy’s fractured skull, so it was important to me that Alfie has his own issues and problems. I think this came out more in “gunna pass…” and “distant shots” than it did in “hail from old water.” Until that ridiculous Margate scene in s5 I never would have seen them as the type of couple to cohabitate or spend a lot of consecutive time together, more of an ongoing on/off again kind of thing, but after Margate all bets are off. Oh look, a ship.