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#tbd i suppose. idk.
celestialmancer · 4 months
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⛈️ //
#horrid day. try again tomorrow.#between overthinking every little thing i feel or do or say & anxiety beinf extremely high#to physical pain giving me hell & just not feeling well#& then just power outages ruining my plans & everything#& then this. fucking. dread i feel abt somehow causing problems on accident. or aomehow fucking things up & feeling like.#i’m walking on eggshells with MYSELF#over analyzing every single little thing i say or so to where i end up in this nasty loop of worsening anxiety#this feeling also that anything i say or do will be taken wrong bc for some reason thats been a thing today too#hell on earth. its exhausting.#i cant even at least sleep because its fucking humid as fuck too.#& my body doesnt handle that kinda weather well it feels horrid so its just…#i really dont wanna go to work tomorrow i just want a self care day or somethn atp bc no#idk im just barely handling anything well rn.#shoulda expected this mess from the moment i woke up & felt this anxiety & dread idk#maybe im just getting too caught up in my head.#i wish i could just go wandering get lost in the city or wander my neighborhood or. something. take my mind off how haywire its going over#quite literally EVERYTHING. & also ig certain memories too but we’re not touching that#just tired of this shit. & wishing i had a means of grounding myself.#tbd i suppose. idk.#ishtar rambles ;#im kinda just falling apart emotionally but is finee#emotional state falling apart faster than a nature valley granola bar AYYY
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mysterycitrus · 8 months
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which dc hero would get an in-universe, spiderman: turn off the dark esque copyright nightmare of a musical and why is it green lantern
think about it - ur a hack musical theatre director and u make up ur own self-insert who gets their own power ring. only it's like... a mood ring? so every lantern has the potential to be any colour depending on how bummed they're feeling at any time. ur musical sucks so everyone is indeed bummed. they have a fun little oath u made up that sounds like a discount dua lipa track. it's a pop musical. several lanterns are played by muppets. every time someone transforms into their lantern uniform they do a fun little twirl and rip half their costume off. josh groban plays a lantern veteran named "hank morgan". andrew lloyd webber tells u to kill urself because green lantern: into the rainbow charts better than bad cinderella. bruce wayne shakes ur hand at the premiere. booster gold is a consultant for the project. guy gardner almost strangles him at a jsi meeting.
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dwellsinthebog · 5 months
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i may be cringe but i am free heyyyy what if labrumisu had kids
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ayrennaranaaldmeri · 3 months
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welp since some of those shitty leaks turned out to be true, those rook's rest leaks are going to end up being true and from the very bottom of my heart i wish c*ndal a very never get work adapting anything again i hope by the end of this your reputation is worse than benioff's and weiss's because it's all you deserve.
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inkyucu · 3 months
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Heyyyyy.... Anyone ask for an AU with a Ruin and Eclipse relationship?
No?
Oh.
.....
...Well, I don't know where else to put these. So you're gonna have it anyway.
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ruby-red-inky-blue · 5 months
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a couple of years back i was pretty vocal about not getting when people complained about their art not getting "enough" notes. but i'm getting to recognise a sub-category of that frustration these days that, in fairness, was maybe what people were talking about all along? but i've also seen other posts mention how fandom spaces feel changed since the last few years, so maybe it's a new thing or at least a thing that hadn't reached my fandom corner until now.
i truly don't mind if my writing doesn't garner a lot of attention (although i say this from a place of priviledge where my writing has so far always garnered some attention, and often a lot more than i anticipated). but what is really starting to grate a little is the amount of attention vs. the amount of reaction. For example, before the latest update on my big multichapter fic, it sat at ~ 33,050 hits. since then the fic has been clicked 400 times. the kudos count went up by maybe three and there were three new bookmarks - this isn't super surprising because i don't expect to be reaching a lot of new people with an unfinished 100+k word fic in a dwindling fandom, and if they're return readers they can't leave new kudos. but five people have commented on the fic since the update. One percent of readers who have clicked on this fic have reacted. Did all these people see it on the recently updated feed, started to read it, didn't vibe with it and moved on? That honestly wouldn't bother me. But it's been steadily gaining attention for the last few weeks, long after it moved off the first page of the recently updated view for the fandom. so rather, I think it's mostly subscribed users (the fic has a little over 400 active subscriptions so that would make sense) or people actively checking back on the fic. in which case they must be at least somewhat invested in it.
and again, i'm not owed any feedback. i put my work out for free and people decide what to do with that. but fandom is a collaborative space, and it's been feeling like less that for a while. people seem less ready for conversation, and i think that's sad, and quite demoralising for creatives (at least for me personally). fandom work isn't meant as bingeable content that you consume and then leave. if you do that on netflix, that's fine, because you're paying the platform and they're at least supposed to recompense the creatives who made the show you just watched. fandom artists don't get that. we make things for the love of it, and because we wanted to share that love. it doesn't feel like sharing though when you put something out there and nothing comes back. it feels like standing in an empty warehouse telling my stories to nobody. and, again, i'm personally lucky enough that it's not like that all the time, but i get why people stop doing it. and i get that engaging with art as an audience member doesn't come easy to everyone, but fandom culture needs it. it's supposed to be an exchange. it's supposed to go both ways, and i think if you want to sustain the culture, you simply need to try and give something back, whatever that is.
because putting something you made out there and nobody looks at it is definitely not a great feeling, but having anonymous masses file by and look at your thing and then meet you with deafening silence feels... worse.
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enden-k · 1 year
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im so tired of being a sleepy boy
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classical-vanity · 5 months
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There’s days when I really feel like a failure/ disappointment because I think everyone had pretty high expectations of me growing up and I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life
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jinstronaut · 6 months
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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taylorsabrina · 4 months
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me never knowing what to say on this blog like....
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yeonban · 5 months
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Sometimes I think about posting the one meme which goes "I want to ____ you" and see what your muses fill it in with for my muses but knowing my muses, I can already foresee an army of "kick" "beat" and "kill" <- in that order
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caityjay13 · 4 days
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First, Best
I want @orchisailsa to know I am sharing this explicitly because of her tags on that post where I mentioned I was writing this but this bit has been scrapped (along with the first 2k of words that fell out of my brain when I was first gripped by the Urge of this particular wip) but I really like it so I wanted to share it. Will probably throw it up on AO3 eventually, but for now, have a random SNW-based, ADHD Jim snippet.
Ficlet beneath the cut!
When Captain Pike accepted a position with the admiralty, everyone expected that his first officer would take command of the Enterprise. No one could have been more surprised than James Kirk himself to receive the offer.
“Sir,” he began, still trying to school his features from whatever gobsmacked expression they must have taken. Jim had been finalizing the next month’s duty rosters in his quarters on the Farragut when Pike had called. He glanced down at the PADDs strewn across his desk and tried to wrap his mind around how drastically his life was about to change. Maybe. Probably? Again. He cleared his throat and looked back up at the man on the screen, waiting patiently with an amused quirk to his mouth that Jim entirely failed to notice. “Don’t get me wrong,” he continued, “I would be… hugely honored—thrilled, really—but…”
“You’re gonna ask about Una,” Pike interrupted, saving Jim from his uncharacteristic scramble for words. “Don’t worry. We talked about it, and she agrees with me. She’s actually planning on taking command of the La Palma—said she liked whipping cadets and hopeful up-and-coming XOs into shape, wanted a change of pace from deep space missions.” Pike’s smirk spread into a grin as he watched Jim’s forehead crease with the effort of processing this information. “And I’ve already floated the idea past your captain, who would be sorry to lose you, but agreed that you’d be a great fit for the position.”
Jim blinked. Looked back down at the PADDs on his desk. When had all this communication happened? He’d only been First Officer of the Farragut for five years—six? six years, wow—and now… Jim had dreamed of commanding the flagship, certainly, but his first command? He’s not even thirty-five! Sam would have a field day. Oh, shit, would he have to be his brother’s commanding officer? Sam had been thinking about settling down somewhere, so that might not be a problem—
“James.”
Jim’s head jerked up. He tugged at his uniform and smoothed out his face, which had flushed with embarrassment at being caught spiraling. “Sorry, sir. Thank you, sir. I would be. I think. I mean, yes. I would be honored.”
Pike chuckled in that disarming way he had. “At ease, Commander. You deserve it. Besides,” he continued, “it’s not like the change will happen overnight.”
“Of course, sir,” Jim nodded. He was still running through scenarios and possibilities in his head.
“Jim,” Pike’s expression had sobered somewhat. Jim focused on him intently, trying to shut out the noise in his mind. “Do you believe in fate?”
The unexpected question brought all the spinning gears in Jim’s head to an abrupt halt. Though he gave it due consideration, he didn’t have to think long before knowing his answer.
“In all honestly, no, sir, I do not.”
The image of Captain Pike in the viewscreen gave an enigmatic smile. “Neither do I,” he said. “Though I think, if you don’t mind my saying so, that this may be your destiny.”
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ilkkawhat · 15 days
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i swear i get anxious over the weirdest things sometimes…like the idea of someone i fired from a temp agency coming back to work the next day
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glamfellens · 11 months
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.
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roses-n-rads · 1 month
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Vent
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disturbnot · 2 months
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ten great british pounds to the photoshop wizard who can fix the colouring on my psd god damn i cannot remember how i used to do this all the time
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