#i really dont wanna go to work tomorrow i just want a self care day or somethn atp bc no
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⛈️ //
#horrid day. try again tomorrow.#between overthinking every little thing i feel or do or say & anxiety beinf extremely high#to physical pain giving me hell & just not feeling well#& then just power outages ruining my plans & everything#& then this. fucking. dread i feel abt somehow causing problems on accident. or aomehow fucking things up & feeling like.#i’m walking on eggshells with MYSELF#over analyzing every single little thing i say or so to where i end up in this nasty loop of worsening anxiety#this feeling also that anything i say or do will be taken wrong bc for some reason thats been a thing today too#hell on earth. its exhausting.#i cant even at least sleep because its fucking humid as fuck too.#& my body doesnt handle that kinda weather well it feels horrid so its just…#i really dont wanna go to work tomorrow i just want a self care day or somethn atp bc no#idk im just barely handling anything well rn.#shoulda expected this mess from the moment i woke up & felt this anxiety & dread idk#maybe im just getting too caught up in my head.#i wish i could just go wandering get lost in the city or wander my neighborhood or. something. take my mind off how haywire its going over#quite literally EVERYTHING. & also ig certain memories too but we’re not touching that#just tired of this shit. & wishing i had a means of grounding myself.#tbd i suppose. idk.#ishtar rambles ;#im kinda just falling apart emotionally but is finee#emotional state falling apart faster than a nature valley granola bar AYYY
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hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it
im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared
im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either
right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started
Hey love,
I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.
THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.
I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.
I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.
If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.
You got this, TRUST ME
Love, Shrads.
#law of assumption#loassumption#loa#affirm and persist#loa tumblr#neville goddard#consciousness#loa blog#loatwt#imagination#affirm and saturate#saturate your mind#shradsmanifestt
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do you have any advice for someone who can feel themselves regressing/feeling their depression creeping back?
omg! sorry this sat for a minute + i am also in no way whatsoever qualified to give advice on this. but imo staying busy w like, concrete commitments and short-term plans helps.
not like setting crazy grindset goals or anything, but just like, ok tomorrow after work i will try this recipe. next week i will have my friend over to watch a movie. and then lock yourself in to the plans: buy the groceries you need for the recipe, so if you dont cook it theyll expire. text the friend so now youll have to cancel and disappoint them if you wanna not do it.
so now the plans function as like externally enforced consequences to hold urself accountable to their built in deadlines. to cook ur recipe, you have to have some clean dishes, which even if you dont clean up after is better than just leaving older dishes to sit, and now you also probably have healthy leftovers and youll feel better w good food in you. and then to have a friend over youll probably wanna tidy up a little bit and shower first - also things that will make you feel better.
if i go too many days without plans i end up procrastinating all my little self carey stuff- even hobbies i want to do - because i dont feel like i have a deadline and i can always get to it later.
its also just good to have enrichment and ik im speaking from an extroverts perspective but being really social always makes me feel better.
obvious caveats are to not have too many social plans revolving around substance use, like maybe get ur drinking buddies to go to the zoo or something. and also to not do so much you dont have time for rest, nutrition, hygiene etc. but def push yourself a reasonable amount. i feel like for me at least stagnation is more of a risk than burnout.
any way im not sure if this is even a little bit helpful but basically yeah. plansmaxxing forces you to care for yourself and your physical environment which have a huge impact on your mental health ime.
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nightly journal entry. (for anyone who wants to read about my life)
walked to seven eleven with my friend this morning and got coffee and a white monster and drank both right away so i really caffeinated and it felt nice. it was foggy and rainy outside but not that cold. wore the flannel i got with her yesterday at goodwill and the beanie i got for christmas. we dyed our hair yesterday and watched a horror movie, might watch another tonight. im trying to stay up later so im not sleeping so much and also wanting to have some more rituals and take better care of myself.
vi and i talked about me maybe getting a social worker but it seems really difficult for some reason. she tried to help me by looking things up before i left this morning which was sweet. she told me to mention it to my therapist so i probably will and maybe she can help me too.
i drove and hour back home n drank the rest of my monster and it was rainy, i called another friend bc she said her grandpa passed away suddenly yesterday but shes estranged from her family so she was feeling weird about the whole thing. i told her id come visit for the day.
stopped at home first and self harmed bc its just a habit at this point. i got blood on my clothes and didnt even care. i also cut on my forearm which i never do but i was just really craving that spot, i just dont like to bc its pretty visible and i dont have much space between my tattoos, but anyway it wasnt even that satisfying. i cut a lot and called my mom jbc i feel obligated to, we didnt really talk abt anything.
i still wanna tell her i just want to break my lease and move home bc i dont feel like i can do this anymore.
drove over to see my other friend and she made me more coffee, i visited w her and her cats. we're playing thru a video game together. i smoked a little even tho im trying to stop. tomorrow i'll try to go the whole day. we walked to target in the rain and i got some groceries i needed and discount press on nails
we made ramen w chili crisp which was really good. i talked about how i just still feel sad and fucked up about my break up and just depressed and lonely in general no matter what i do.
i texted another friend who im getting closer with happy birthday and she told me she cares about me and that she hopes i start feeling better soon. we've been texting back and forth today. i also heard from someone ive been talking with romantically on and off for a few months, im not expecting much there but maybe it will go somewhere. she wished me happy holidays and thats basically been it.
been avoiding the girl i kissed and had a nice date with at the start of december bc i dont trust myself to be able to maintain it and i just feel like she'll end up disappointed or just totally disinterested bc im uninteresting and unhappy so often. it just feels like another austin situation where she'll just get bored of me and i'll like her too much and be left behind.
got back to my apartment as it was getting dark without self harming again even though i really thought about it. avoiding all the dishes in my sink and avoided eating dinner. what i ate at my friends was fine. i had a breakfast and a lunch and the meds i needed to take. put on my cheap press ons, listening to music.
took a lot of gabapentin and i have a bad headache rn that i thought would go away but im just gonna ignore it. getting used to using this chromebook. i wouldnt have typed a post so long otherwise. maybe i'll do these every night, idk. ive missed typing on a keyboard. and knowing that my journal entries are going somewhere other than my notebooks is kinda nice
i guess its just another way to process things. maybe i'll work on writing styles and making it readable and engaging. for now its just stream of conciousness.
trying to drink enough water. gonna do my skincare. pick a movie to watch, and maybe set up a few more things on here before i go to sleep. maybe i'll read a little bit too. i want to start feeling better, i want to feel like im working towards something. im tired of everyday feeling like endless sameness.
anyway, goodnight
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🌱23.10.24 ┃ wednesday.⋆
Today, was really not all that great. I mostly rotted in bed all day, scrolling on youtube and on webtoon. Today was not fun, and definitely, I was not productive. Hoping I can slowly get myself to enjoy studying once again. My screen time was through the roof, so yeah, that's embarassing.
🌿what i did
Managed to finish my chemistry practical
finished the last few diagrams of my biology practical
read a little of the d and f block elements in chemistry
🌿 stats
screen time : 8 hrs 15 mins 💀 (yikes, my screentime has never been this high I think)
I want to get back into reading books again as well. The silence of the girls has been lying stagnant for so long with me, its embarassing now. I've been trying to pick myself back up again, but I've hardly had any energy to actually clean my room to fix myself to a certain topic and study. It all feels so pointless and meaningless, and it's funny because I am an optimist. I am optimistic.
Oof, I really need to get my shit together again. My self care has gone down the drain along with my habits. If i am to get good grades in my preboards and in NEET, I will have to work much much harder than this unfortunately.
definitely feel so groggy after spending so much time on internet. I'll have to change my habits fs.
🌿 abt tmrw
I might or might not have my chemistry class tomorrow, depending on whether or not the weather is stormy or not. I really kinda don't wanna go, but I realise I might have fallen into a bit of a depressive slump. I had online classes today and it was one of my favourite classes, but I didn't attend because I was so hooked to my phone and I was so tired and burnt out (the holidays just got over CMON)
I will have to do my singing class in the evening tomorrow, which is not fun. I don't enjoy it. But eh well.
Let's see, if i dont have to go to class tomorrow in the morning then
finish reading d and f block
organize my room a little more
get started on physics syllabus (book 2)
start making a plan to get good grades (include doing physics sums early morning)
write letter to friend for bday
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taking a shower tomorrow
i didnt get much for christmas this year tbh
im kinda jealouse cuz my siblings got really expensive shit and i got like pretty much just stocking stuffers lol. i guess if i really want something i need to get it myself huh
anyway,, he texts me constantly but also calls me everyday. hes so nice to me it makes me cry. H is nice to me too. when i think about how nice these internet strangers are to me it makes me sad because i feel like im not allowed to be myself and im not accepted at home. im so afraid to be myself here and i dont feel like i fit in but when i talk to the little people in my phone?? they make me feel things? like im not crazy or weird OH MY GOD istg i cry almost everytime i talk to him cuz hes soso nice to me
idk what it is or what i wanna say exactly i kinda just wanna figure out how to word this so ik how to tell my couonselor.
what happened recently was i went to walmart with my dad and like i didnt take a shower or anything cuz we were just going to applebees and walmart and i dont even like applebees so who cares if my hair is fucked up right but when we went to walmart my dad was like you need a makeover cuz ur hair is bad and i kinda took offense honestly cuz i dont like my dad making comments about my appearence like this one time he told me i "need to work on my glamour" like wtf so i told my mom what he said to me at walmart and she AGREED WITH HIM AND SCHEDULED A DAY TO TAKE ME TO THE MALL TO BUY CLOTHES. and then so we went like on firday before christmas and it just kinda made me feel like a child and also like i was neglected when i was an actual child cuz idk i have like a lot of self image issues and i just wear whatever makes me not hate how i look and rn thats big skirt and little shirt but my mom wants me to wear jeans and regular shirt and i just think i look so bad in it. like she wanted me to get 5 outfits at the mall and i was like "so we're just gonna buy 5 pairs of the ssame pants? what if i dont even wear them?" and she said "YOU HAVE TO" so after that i felt kinda belittled? basically like i had no power or say in what im allowed to wear like A KID. BUT when i was an actual kid i would litterally go to school and my shoes would fall apart and i used the same ugly backpack from like 6th til highschool. like i dont understand why my parents suddenly care about how i look? now that im an adult? theyr ebasically saying they dont like how i dress and that upsets me because i feel like im finally able to learn how to express myself with how i dress now that im not inschool and scared of how people might percieve me and theyre judging not just how i look but also me yk
i NEVER got compliments when i was younger. i mean definatelelty not as much as i do now that im not as afraid of being myself. i mean people compliment me on my hair, my outfits, my glasses, my voice.
IM SMART, IM FUNNY, IM SILLY, IM WITTY, IM CUTE, IM PRETTY
IM GOOD
my hwole life everyone would describe me as quiet, shy. i thought i was weird, abnormal, i thought everything i liked was stupid.
i think i just need to get out of here.
its so hard to not hate myself when everyone around me sucks.
again, self image issues, insecurity, shame. when i was younger i used to hide pictures of myself cuz i just thought i looked so ugly and i still do. i'll look at those old pictures and think why would my parents let me go out in public like that? like ive always thought i was only cute as a toddler and then went downhill after that lol. but anyway im working on that by saving pics of myself when i was younger cuz thats me!! and if i were my parent i wouldve been a way better parent than my actual ones. she deserves everything she wants.
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I know its suppose to be an annual thing to meet up
But god sake i did not anticipate yall to bring a plus one, isnt it suppose to be just the three of us? What happen?
You shouldve caught on by now i didnt really want to meet up if yall had a plus one its kinda unfair for well..me
Everything feels like what happen 5 years ago.. i clear didnt miss it at all
Im quite sick, i got a cold i keep coughing off a phlegm and my head hurts constantly the past few days, 2nd i havent done any productive work since i excuse myself from school, 3rd the uniforms..they havent even been wash yet
As much as i think i got my shit together i keep going back to the time 5 years ago my lowest point of my life
My simple advice really if you tell someone something about them and they get annoyed frustrated even when you told them that, probably because they already know, theyre PAINFULLY aware you dont have to keep reminding them..its an insecurity theyre already working on it so just...stfu please
Keep it to yourself.
My mind is all over the place right now..all ive been doing is avoiding the things i needed to do for a sense of pleasure even for a little
Frankly i dont feel good
Physically wise and mental wise
I dont wanna go tomorrow i dont wanna see your partners
I dont want any of you in the house..you should just leave
I frankly dont care if your frail body gives up and dies im just worried about the debt we will get into nce you actually die
Im overthinking about our friendship lately but its mainly me and my low self esteem talking
Youre nuisance to me
I feel like a slob
As much as the thought of death sounds inviting i would never forgive myself for dying over something like this, im just exhausted i wanted a rest
Its overwhelming and if one of the people above me cancels or something happen to them i might be a little less worried
Sounds selfish i know, im painfully aware of what i say and type, im completely sane and in control
Thats the tragedy of it
I just wanna draw this feeling away..but im afraid i dont have enough time
I just wish you dissappear, in that way my mind is little quieter than it was right now
I could write a poem an essay even how much i want you dead or out of my existenxe but id be wasting my time
Thats how much i hate you
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Saranghae
Requested by Anon: “Can i make a request for Blackpink RoséXFem!reader one shot/imagine where y/n always thought she was the one that said I love you first but she realizes rosé said it in korean when y/n was first learning it the first few months they were dating. like rosé says it and y/n is like wait what does that mean? and rosé teases her and doesn't say anything (holy crap this is long, sorry. i hope that makes sense. I asked someone else if they can write it but I dont think they're going to) thank you very much if you do🥺❤️”
Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader
Word Count: ~ 2,300
Warnings / Misc. -- Fluff, Happy Ending
Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.
A/N: To the anon who requested this: Thank you! This is actually a really sweet ask, so hopefully I did it justice. I stuck with the gist of the prompt, but I added a little twist to it. I hope you enjoy; let me know what you think. Happy reading, everyone!
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
~~~ Flashback: A Few Months Into Your Relationship ~~~
“Baby, come grab the door, please!” You request, your hands busy holding the two steaming cups of hot cocoa you prepared for Rosé and yourself. At the sound of your voice, she sets down the notebook that she had been writing in, and makes her way to you. She appears in the doorway with a wide smile, her face lighting up when she spots the drinks.
“How’d you know I wanted some?” She takes her mug from you, being careful not to move too quickly and spill it, and lays a kiss on your cheek -- her way of thanking you.
With a nonchalant shrug, you make your way across the room, saying over your shoulder, “It’s my superpower, duh. We’re just in sync like that.” The giggle that leaves her lips makes your heart flutter, and you can’t help but smile back.
Now armed with your beverages, the two of you sit back down on the floor next to each other, getting prepared for your mini lesson. The fluffy material of the carpet comforts you, and you settle in.
~~~~~~~
Rosé repeats the phrase one more time, slowing it down for you, enunciating the words as clearly as she can. Your gaze is set on her lips, taking note of how they purse and pout with the different syllables. You try again, albeit incredibly slow and choppy, but eventually the words manage to come out intelligible. She celebrates the win, quickly standing and pulling you up along with her for a victory dance; after all, it was a pretty tricky phrase for someone just starting out. She knows how competent you are though, and she wanted to give you a challenge.
As the two of you stand there, doing a little dorky jig together, she takes a second to think. She is totally smitten with you: these past few months have been some of the happiest times of her life, and she owes a lot of that to you. There’s no one she’d rather have by her side like this, staying up well into the night to teach Korean to. She loves that you’re eager to learn more, and she’s ecstatic to be the one that gets to help you on that journey. It really is a special thing to her, and she doesn’t take it for granted. Time spent with you is heaven, regardless of what the two of you are doing.
Rosé is pulled from her thoughts by the quiet sound of you yawning. Her heart nearly melts at the sight of your face all scrunched up, paired with the little wiggle that you do. She pulls you in, smiling as you nuzzle your face into her neck sleepily. “Rosé, I’d love to keep practicing, but I’m about to pass out.” Her hand comes up to run through your hair, the other one wrapped around your body to keep you close. “We should be going to bed anyway, babe. We can pick back up tomorrow, if you’d like.” She kisses your forehead tenderly as you just simply nod, your body too tired and brain too fried to do much of anything else.
Once she’s tucked you in, making sure you’re comfortable and warm, she crouches down next to the bed. The lights are dimmed now, the only source of illumination being the moonlight that glitters in through the blinds, kissing your skin just right. Sitting there, face to face with you, she realizes that you’re her person. The one that she wants to wake up next to every morning and fall asleep wrapped around every night; the one to go on late night drives through the city with, stopping wherever your hearts desire; the one to hold through the bad times and comfort through the sad. You mean the world to her, and she can’t help but declare it.
“사랑해, Y/N.”
Despite only being half conscious, you’d never ignore the sound of her voice. “Mmm?” You mumble groggily, the noise making her laugh. She makes a mental note to add that to her list of favorite sounds. “Nothing, angel. Rest now.” With that, she goes to stand, but you catch her wrist before she can go. “No, tell me. Pleaaase?” Your eyes are open now, but just enough for her to see that beautiful sparkle in them. “Tomorrow. Now shhhh.” She leans down, placing a hand on your cheek to caress it, as she presses her lips to yours in an attempt to silence you. Her plan works, and she gives you a few more pecks before going to pick up and organize the books that were still strewn about on the floor. Not even a minute later, the sounds of your soft snores carry over to her ears, and she just shakes her head in amusement.
~~~ The Next Day ~~~
“Alright, ready baby?”
“Do your worst.”
“Next up is… 사랑해.” Her eyes hold a hint of mischief, and you furrow your brow as you try to place where you’ve heard that.
“Wait, wait, wait. Have you said this one before? It sounds familiar…” Now, deeply confused, you rack your brain. She plays innocent, though, having no intention of bringing up what happened the night before. With you being none the wiser, she’s content with teasing you for now.
“Oh, that’s gonna drive me insane. Roseanne! What does it mean?” She chuckles at your frustration and use of her full name, but she doesn’t give in. Clearly, she gets a kick out of this.
“Just start guessing, babe.”
~~~ Present Day, At The Blackpink Dorm ~~~
“Guys, I have the perfect game for tonight! Somebody was talking about it at the studio today: it’s called the Newlywed Game. I wanna see how well the lovebirds can do.” Lisa informs as she walks through the front door of the dorm, making her way into the living room where you and the girls are sitting.
“Oh you’re on, Manoban. I know Rosé like the back of my own hand.” A smug expression takes over your features as you smirk at Lisa, standing up and playfully challenging her.
“Oh yeah? Jennie and I are so gonna beat you.” She matches your energy, coming eye to eye with you, and she struggles to mask her grin. With the way she’s moving her lips to hide it, she kinda looks like a fish.
Jisoo is next to speak as she goes to stand between the two of you, pretending to hold you back. “Hey, hey, break it up. Save it for the game.” Lisa sticks her tongue out at you, which prompts you to brush past Jisoo and tackle her onto the sofa. Jennie shouts, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” And soon, all of you are piled together in a heap of fake punches and throws, laughing loudly.
{....} The Game {....}
“It’s neck and neck as our couples head into the final round; whoever wins this, wins the game.” Jisoo announces to no one, gesturing and looking to imaginary cameras around the room. “Contestants, are you ready?” Everyone nods in affirmation, and you give Rosé’s hand a loving squeeze.
“Who was the first to say, ‘I love you’?”
At the question, you look to Rosé with a cocky expression on your face, absolutely convinced that you’ve got it in the bag. She scribbles her answer down on the white board -- yes, surprisingly, the girls had a few of them laying around the dorm -- and looks up at you with a smile.
“Reveal your answers in 3...2...1…” Jisoo calls out in her best host voice, successfully creating suspense as she holds onto the numbers, dragging the count down out.
“Now!”
Everyone flips their board around, and it seems as though time stops for a moment. Lisa and Jennie have the same answer, and you look to see what Rosé put -- despite being confident that you already know. Your jaw nearly drops to the floor as you read her name on the board.
“WHAT??” You exclaim, utter disbelief coursing through you: your whole life is a lie, it’s official. The other team is cackling by now, and you send them a mocking smile.
Eyes now focused back on your partner, you say, “I totally said it first. Remember, that night after dinner with your parents back in Melbourne?” You hope something will click at that, her memory magically being jogged. Alas, that never happens. Everyone gets comfortable on the couches in preparation for the story she’s about to tell.
“We hadn’t been dating super long, but it was when I was teaching you Korean back at your place. We cut the lesson short because you got sleepy, so I put you to bed. I couldn’t help myself though; you just looked so cute all cuddled up like that. I hadn’t expected for you to actually hear me, since I thought you had already passed out, but you asked me to tell you what it meant. I was stubborn and didn’t, of course,” You narrow your eyes at her, ready to stick up for your past self, but your heart secretly soars at how precious that story is.
“I love you, a lot, Rosé; but I hardly think that that counts, considering I was practically unconscious,” you say, putting emphasis on the word. The inner gamer in you is on full display, and you’re not ready to admit defeat yet.
“Nope, we won, fair and square.” Lisa declares, exaggeratedly tossing her hair over her shoulder. You look to Jisoo, hands clasped together, eyes pleading, but she hands the victory to the other team.
With a roll of your eyes, you tut at the loss; in no time, though, the feeling of Rosé’s arms snaking around you has you abandoning your little pity party, opting instead to smile at her. You pull her in for a kiss -- there’s no one you’d rather lose with, after all. Her lips turn up in a smile, and you can taste the cherry gloss on them. Eventually, the two of you decide to spare the others from your love-fest, and pull away. You keep an arm around her, your other hand busy being held by hers, and she lays her head on your shoulder.
The playful atmosphere still stands, and Jennie goes to rub it in. “How’s it feel to lose, Y/N?”
Dramatically, you look off into the distance, pretending to be in deep thought, before looking down at Rosé, and say, “With you, I can never lose; you’re the greatest prize I could ever ask for, Rosé.” The other girls let out a chorus of boos at your cheesy line, and Rosé lets out a little squeal as she scrambles to hide her blushing cheeks. With each laugh that she lets out, her body shakes against you, and you laugh right along with her.
“Have I told you how adorable you are?” She asks, gazing up at you through her lashes.
You purse your lips at her own cheesiness, and say, “Once or twice, I think. But tell me again.”
Over the course of the night, she does just that -- multiple times, might I add -- and the 5 of you revel in each other’s company. Given their busy schedules, the opportunity to spend multiple hours with each other can be pretty rare; so, all of you thoroughly take advantage of the night. Karaoke sessions, Netflix binges, dance battles, food breaks, tickle fights -- anything you can think of, you guys probably did it.
As things wind down, everyone is nodding off, and you take that as your cue to go. You remove your arms from their position around Rosé, the action drawing a whine from her, and you lay her back against the couch so that you can bid the girls goodnight.
“Sweet dreams, Y/N.” Jisoo says, voice laced with exhaustion, as she flips the small pillow in front of her over to the cool side.
“Night, loser.” Lisa’s grin can be heard through her words, and you lightly smack her as you go by.
“Sleep well, Y/N. We love you.” Jennie is the most awake of any of them, and she reaches up to give you a hug.
“Goodnight guys, we’ll see you in the morning.” Arms are thrown up into the air as a sign of acknowledgement to your statement, and you make your way back to Rosé.
She’s curled up against the side of the sofa, her hair falling gracefully over the armrest. Not having the heart to wake her up, you opt to scoop her up into your arms, smiling as she drapes hers around your neck. Her skin is warm against your own, and you take comfort in the feeling. Somehow she always manages to be so, so perfect, without even trying. As you make the journey back to her room, you’re careful to not bump into anything. She shifts a bit in your arms, and your heart nearly stops when she lazily mumbles your name in her sleep, a cute smirk on her lips. Nothing feels better than this.
Now in her bedroom, you slowly lean against the door until it shuts, and the soft sound of it latching behind you echoes across the silent space. You lay her down and pull the sheets up on her -- just as she had done that day, all those months ago -- and press a kiss to her cheek. “사랑해, Rosé.” As you climb into bed next to her, she rolls over to face you. A small smile plays on her beautiful lips as she says, “I heard that; I love you, too, baby.” A content sigh leaves your lips as you beam at her and pull her into your embrace. You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
Thanks for reading!!!
#rosé x reader#park chaeyoung#chaeyoung#blackpink imagines#blackpink oneshots#kpop girl group#rosé imagine#rosé x fem reader#k-pop blackpink#kpop scenarios#roseanne#rosé#let-them-read-fics#blackpink#lisa manoban#kim jisoo#jennie kim#request
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My second 1DxC2C is here, yay!
Thank you to @asnowpuff, @peggyrose19 and @ninak803 for motivating me💕
The song I used is happily by One Direction.
The ship I used is O'knutzy by the wonderful @lumosinlove! Thank you for the boys.
Happily
You don't understand, you don't understand
What you do to me when you hold his hand
Everything was too much. It was loud and the lights were coming from everywhere, flashing in all the colours of the rainbow. But Logan's eyes were fixed on one thing and his mind shut out everything else.
There he was, his best friend, Finn O'Hara, shamelessly flirting with some girl he just met. Some random girl in black skinny jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt with some kind of quote. Probably something like "But first coffee." Or "C'est la vie.". Just some quote that's good the first time and then it's everywhere.
Just like her hands. She was touching Finn. All the time. Whenever he said anything, she reached over to him. Couldn't keep her damn hands on her side for one second.
They laughed, together. Finn probably said something funny. He was always the one cheering Logan up on a bad day. Why he told it to her, was another question.
Finn was probably just being polite, now that Logan thought about it. He knew his best friend. There was no way he actually like her. But Finn was always too kind for his own good. He was probably uncomfortable. Maybe he should go over there and save his friend. That would probably be for the best.
Then he saw Finn reaching out. Taking her drink. Holding her hand, around her drink. And not moving away. Off course, Finn, always the gentleman would bring her a new drink, as hers was empty, but holding hands?! That wasn't necessary to be friendly. Finn's hand still lingered on the smaller one around the cup. Maybe he was cheering her up? Maybe he saw, she was all alone, all evening and he just wanted her to feel better, by pretending to be interested.
Or maybe, he actually liked her.
We were meant to be but a twist of fate
Made it so you had to walk away
Off course, that was how it had to go. Finn had been gone for months. Logan was still about to cry, every time he passed his old room.
He could see the new posters, of their new teammate. Brody. Yes, he was friendly and put away the stuff he used. He was an almost perfect roommate. The problem was, he wasnt Finn.
He didnt have those red curls, that got all messed up in the morning and when he got drunk. Like they had been the night of their first - yeah. He didnt have freckles, that built star constellations in themselves. That were supposed to be traced and kissed and -.
No, that boy Logan longed for wasnt there with him anymore. No more distractions, no more pretending, no more hiding his feelings.
No more lingering glances, no more soft brown eyes, no more electric touches.
No more Finn.
'Cause we're on fire
We are on fire
But now he was with him again. Talking, joking, playing. They were on the same line. Off course, they were. Logan knew every detail about each one of Finn's plays. Finn knew every little suspicion and comfort Logan had. They knew each other better than they knew themselves. They just- worked together.
They didnt count their own goals. They scored together. Passing the puck multiple times until one of them had the best chance of scoring. They achieved multiple hat-tricks together, one from Finn and two from Logan. And even if Finn scored three, it was theirs. Because Logan helped. Logan was like his second self.
Logan was his other half.
I don't care what people say when we're together
"I want you, Lo'! I know you do, too. Admit it to yourself. You owe it to youself.", Finn shot at him and then added not much above a whisper, "You owe it to me."
"We can't, Finn. You know we can't. You dont want to risk it. You couldnt live with the whole crowd chanting slurs at you, everytime they see you. I couldnt live with them shouting at you.", Logan cried, tears forming in his eyes and threatening to fall.
"I don't care what theyll say!", Finn shouted. He couldnt hold it back anymore. He had enough of hiding. He wasnt wrong for wanting what he wanted.
You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep
He remembered the morning he left for Gryffindor.
Finn woke up, blinking slowly until his eyes adjusted to the light, from the morning sun. It tickled his feet and hands and neck and shoulder- and that wasnt the sun.
Next to him, Finn had completely forgotten in his half asleep state, was Logan. His head on Finns shoulder, eyelashes on his neck. Tickling him.
Their legs were tangled and Finns hand was on Logans back. He could feel his heartbeat. It sounded a lot slower than Finns now quick one. Logans back was warm. Logan was warm. Finn could feel each place they were touching, like it was burning his skin. It was a good pain for the moment.
For the first time, all the excitement about being able to play for the lions- world famous gryffindor lions, his dream- vanished, rigt now, he just wanted to stay. Stay curled up around, this beautiful boy, lying next to him. He would give up his spot on the team, if there was anyway that would make them work out.
But there wasnt. Logan wasnt talking about things that happend, so why would he talk about things that could?
So Finn just burried his nose in Logans hair for the time being and hoped his feelings would fade. Tomorrow. Not today. He would let himself enjoy the closeness for now. He wouldn't ever get this chance again.
It's four a.m. and I know that you're with him
I wonder if he knows that I touched your skin
And if he feels my traces in your hair
Sorry, love, but I don't really care
Logan was staring at the ceiling. Or the floor?
He was lying on his bed, in Dumos basement. They had just won the badgers game. Yet, he didnt feel like celebrating.
He had left right after dinner, which was as perfect as always. Logan hadnt said more than what had been necessary and he had felt celeste worried glances, but she hadnt questioned it. He was glad about it.
The problem wasnt the win. Or how he played or that someone got hurt. No. I was the moment after the timer had ran out. He had been skating over to Finn, like he always did, bumping the helmets together and celebrating their win.
The problem were blond curls on Finns shoulder, as Leo had come up behind the red head and had hugged him. His hand was on Finns chest. Probably feeling his heartbeat. Finn warm all along his back, not only with adrenaline, but the pressure of another body close to him.
The problem was that, Logan wanted to rip Leo's hand away from Finns heart. Wanted to push him away and take his place, feeling Finns warmth in his arms.
The bigger problem was though, that he also wanted to push away Finn and take his place. Feeling Leo's arms surround him and his head a gentle weight on his shoulder.
And then there was that small part that didnt mind. That small part that wanted them to stay exactly how they were. Leo wrapped around Finn, smiling at him and looking all in all just happy. Holding his hand over Finns heart, a place Logan had had his own hand, thinking about if Finn felt the connection. If Leo felt the connection.
Logan hoped they did.
I just want it to be you and I forever
I know you wanna leave
So c'mon baby be with me
So happily
#harry potter#lumosinlove#logan tremblay#finn o'hara#coast to coast#leo knut#jealous logan#jealous#pining#happily#lyric fic#1d x c2c#one direction x coast to coast#one direction#written by meee#short#fanfic short#oknutzy#o'knutzy
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heyy, hope u r doing fine:) so i was thinking about a request with tom x reader where they argue and tom goes out w friends leaving her behind and she's all sad crying etc and when he comes back he sees her and tries to cuddle her but she doesn't want to... u can decide the end(btw u r amazing)💖
hello there...thank you for your request(also thanks for asking I'm doing great how about you?feel free to send😊) also dont make me choose an ending cause you know where this is going:)
Leave|t.h.
part 2
You and your boyfriend were cuddling in bed watching an episode of Big Bang Theory. Your head was resting in his chest,hearing his heart beat and his laughter through out the entire time.
After a long,long time you were able to spent this evening together. Your relationship was not at it's best, it was showing, and the both of you knew it.But it was the little things that mattered now.
At some point the phone rang and you picked, worried that maybe something happened to someone.
"Hey wanna come?"you heard a man's voice over the phone.
"Who's these?"you asked confused.
"Ohh hey Y/N. Is Tom there?"
"No he is not"you lied as you realised that the boys were all hanging out and they wanted your boyfriend with them. You even got mad for a second to them.
You of course were happy that they cared for him and looking forward to spend the night all together. They were a family.But you also wanted to spent this night together cuddling,watching series and talkin about everything and anything. You wanted this badly, you needed.
You hang up on them and hugged the boy next to you.
"Who was it babe?"Tom asked you as he kissed your forehead and your heart skipping a beat.
"The boys but I said that you aren't here so we can spend the night together" you giggled and looked at him with excitement. You had plans for you and him.
But he wasn't feeling the same.
"You did what?"the boy next to you was slightly pissed.
"I lied so we can be together now. Is it that bad?"you laughed thinking that maybe he was playing with you.
"Umm yes it is. Like you don't care about mine opinion?"he asked furious. He stood up,pausing the episode and looking around for his shirt.
"Of course I do! But I don't get why are you mad. Because I said a little innocent lie? Don't you want to spend the night with me?"you were confused. You thought that he wanted to stay with you all night and after all the two of you had planned this from the previous day.
"I don't think you care Y/N. I waited for them to call you know. This is our night"he was about to leave the room until you ran up to him angry, blocking his was out.
"What? You said that this was OUR night. We don't always have this chance. You always working,I'm always working and when we decide that we're gonna do something always another thing comes up and you end up with them. You said it damn it"you were now almost crying at him, punching him in his chest and yelling.
It sucked having a relationship like this. You were both working hard for what you wanted. Proud for what you already have. Also you were grateful for being with Tom. He was the best thing that happened to you in years. You loved him with your entire soul but lately he wasn't being the one you fallen for.
He was always angry or mad at you for even the smallest thing. Coming home later than usual. You thought that maybe he found someone else and was not longer in love with you. But the stories he shared on Instagram were with his friends at a house being drunk and silly.
He couldn't just for one night stay at home with you?
"Well I lied. Now get out of my way" he pushed you aside and you surprisingly looked up at him with your eyes wide open, confused by his actions.
"What the hell is wrong with you lately?"you raised your voice at him walking behind. He was heading towards the door but as soon as he heard you, his body turned and he was facing you once again.
"No no no! I'm fine. I'm happier than ever. The problem here is you. You should think what is going wrong with you darling"he laughed at your face taking the keys from the little table near him. You stood there with tears in your eyes, wondering if this was a joke or he had changed but you didn't have the power to see it this past couple of months.
"You..you..you are not who you were once. You changed."you whispered and paused for a moment closing your eyes."Is there someone else Tom? Just tell me"
"Oh my God! You are unbelievable Y/N. Unbelievable."he closed the door and the cold air hit your face but you stood there looking at the door, waiting for him to come back telling you that this was a prank and kiss you. But the more you waited, the more disappointed you got.
You questioned everything that happened in the last 3 minutes, from how you were laying on the bed relaxed and happy that you were the two of you finally spending the night together, to how it was so easy for him to leave.
You tried to put your self at his shoes calmly, to figure out if maybe he was right, that you actually needed to work it on yourself. Yes you lied but your heart desired this night more than ever. Was it that bad?
You returned to your room. Your whole mood changed.
After 5 hours and you were still a mess. Your eyes burning from crying, your chest hurting from the pain.
You heard the front door open. You stayed still waiting for him to come. After one minute he showed up on the door looking at you.
His eyes were red as well as his nose. He seemed hurt. And drunk. Of course.
You looked at him with mixed emotions. You were mad for his actions. Broken for his words. And sad for losing him.
You've had enough. You loved him. You did. But see him change like that..
You wanted to help but he wasn't letting you and that's what made you angry.
"I'm sorry"he spoke quietly waiting for your reply.
"Oh really? Cause I don't you are"
"No baby no! I am sorry. I am sorry for being an asshole to you later. And not only. I'm sorry for pushing you like that. But I swear it wasn't me. It's just...it's..I am not myself anymore. I am lost and I'm losing control.Baby I'm a mess" he said and sat next to you trying to wipe your tears away. You smelled the vodka. He was heartbroken for sure.You didn't let him touch you though.
"I tried so many times to help you but you kept pushing me away. Running from your problems isn't going to solve them. You have to fight them. And you are miles away" you said distancing yourself.
"My love its-"
"How can we be like this huh? How can I love you when you don't even know who you are? Why I have to stay in this and being hurt?"you interrupted him confessing your feelings.
"Don't break my heart like this Y/N. You know I love you. Don't do this to me not now. I need you"his hands tried to reach you but you stopped him.
"You need me now but how about tomorrow? Cause tomorrow is always different for you. Is that how you need me? Just for the night and then leaving me again? Is this the way you think it's working? Let me tell you something. It's not.
Being in an relationship means that you share. Your happiness your sadness your pain your problems. Everything. You want to help the person you love but also accept the fact that you also need help from this person.
For us it wasn't that way. I am trying so hard to share my feelings to you and my problems. I am trying to help you too. But all you do is take your keys and leave. I've had enough.
So what I want from you is to take your keys,leave and never come back" you were hurting but also you were hurting your lover. But as you said you've had enough.
"What? No you can't do this to me! No I am not going anywhere. I am staying here. As you said I can't run from my problems. See i am not. You are. We have to face our problems together as a couple Y/N"
"No that's what you don't understand.. I am tired of facing OUR problems alone this whole time. And now it's late"
You left the bedroom walking towards the door grabbing your jacket and wearing your shoes.
"I am not letting you go. You are not allowed to leave" he command thinking he has this power over you.
"I am not asking for your permission. As I said it's late for you now. I've made my decision. So please let me leave" your tears made it even harder for you to see. Your voice was deep. You didn't want to leave him like this. But it was the only choice.
"Is that what you really want?" He looked at you with hope in his eyes. Hoping that you will forgive him and restart your life by changing for good.
"Move out of my way please"you didn't even looked at him at this point.
He moved and you left him there.
That was the last time you saw him.
_______________________
I am so sorry for any mistakes but its 2 am and I'm so tired. I know it's small but I'm preparing something big I promisee
Hope you like it:)
(You wanted a happy ending right😂?)
{Gifs not mine}
❤❤
#tomholland#tomhollandx#tomholland?reader#tom holland#tom holland x#tom holland imagines#tom holland imagine#marvel#tom holland fluff#far from home#tom holland x reader#infinity war#peter parker#spiderman#tom holland and you#tom holland and reader#avengers
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Just Wanna Be Happy (Pope HeywardxReader)
Warnings:Mentions of self harm,depression,medication,suicide.Please do not read if youre triggered by these topics.This wasnt written to glamorize mental illness this is kind of just my coping mechanism because I just got out of a depressing period.Depression effects people differently but this fanfic has ways that its effected me so yeah.
You had never been a very social person.Or a friendly person or even a happy person.You kind of just existed without purpose or reason.Its not like you didnt want to be happy because of course you did.It just wasnt something that could come naturally to you in your everyday life.It was summer and you had hardly left your house at all.Most time was spent in your room.It had been days since you had showered or brushed your hair or even changed your clothes.You hadnt done you laundry in weeks or eaten a proper meal in days.You were an absolute mess since you had stopped taking your medication.You didnt know why but you just couldnt bring yourself to take them anymore.You felt guilty for not replying to any of your friends messages.
“Hey :) do you wanna hang out with us tomorrow?”Read Tuesday 9:48 PM. “Hey have you been taking your meds?Your mom wanted me to check up on you :)”Read at 1:48 PM today.
Your mom was staying with family in California this summer to work on a book.She would transfer ten dollars to your bank account everyday.You hadnt spent any of it.She had sent you countless texts to ask how you were doing or if you had gotten your refill.Your skin was dull from not seeing the sun,the hair on your legs had grown long and prickly and you smelt like absolute shit.You heard a knock at your door,the sound echoing through your empty house.You worked up the strength to get up,dragging your feet as you walked.You felt dizzy and nauseous as you walked,couldnt even feel your feet touching the ground.Your kitchen was an absolute mess,frying pan with maple syrup stuck to it and the sink full of dirty smelling dishes.You opened the door,blocking your eyes from the sun to see Pope.
He let out a sigh of relief,pulling you into a hug. “God (Y/N)!You cant do that!Jesus,I thought you died.”He sighed,squeezing you tightly.You didnt bother hugging back,letting your head rest against him. “I was getting worried about you-its been like two weeks since you’ve talked to me.”He grumbled,pulling away from the hug and observing your face.You had a couple of pimples across your forehead from not washing your face,your skin was splotchy and your eyes puffy. “Have you been taking your meds?”He asked.You didnt answer,watching as he walked over to the cabinet to pull out the orange pill bottle.It was still half full.He looked at the date that it was supposed to be refilled.Two days ago. “You have to take these every day!”He exclaimed.You sighed,not really caring.THis wasnt what you needed to hear right now.You didnt exactly know what you needed to hear but that was definitely not it.
“When was the last time you showered?”He asked.You shrugged,not remembering.All the days had merged together.You slept a lot even when you didnt need it.The only time you really got up was to use the bathroom or vomit into your trash bin. “And the last time you ate?”He asked.You mumbled that you werent sure,embarrassed that someone had seen you in this state.He turned on your shower,letting the room get steamy from the hot water.He went into your messy room,making his way through the piles of crumpled paper and dirty clothing to your dresser.He grabbed you a new pair of underwear,a sportsbra,a loose t shirt and some comfy looking shorts.He assisted you in getting your hair out of the bun it was in,letting the snagglt knots loose. “I’m going to make you some food,okay?”You nodded.He closed the bathroom door.
You pulled off your dirty clothes,nearly gagging at the smell of yourself.You stepped into the shower,letting the burning hot water touch your back and head.You poured a fistfull of conditioner in your hair to try and help with the knots.You sat down,closing your eyes and letting the conditioner rinse out.You poured at least a fourth of the bottle of shampoo into your hair,scrubbing your scalp aggressively.You used the suds from the shampoo to wash under your arms and your back.You used the same suds in replacement of shaving cream to shave your legs only up to your knee.The water was going cold but you didnt care,laying down and letting the water smack your stomach.Pope knocked at the door before opening it. “(Y/N)?You okay?”He asked.You sat up,eyes still shut as you turned off the water. “I made you some frozen waffles.”He informed you before closing the door again.
You waited until all of the water went down the drain until you stood up,slowly stepping onto the bath mat.At least you didnt smell so disgusting now.What really worried you was brushing your hair out mostly because you knew it would hurt and half your hair would most likely fall out.You grabbed a towel,rubbing down your body.You had some faded scars on your thighs and calves but none on your wrist.Mainly because you knew no one would check your legs.It had been five months since you harmed yourself and you were proud.You probably would’ve relapsed eventually if you were even able to work up the energy to do it.You groaned as you saw the pimples on your face,grabbing your face wash that you hadnt used in so long.You scrubbed your face,rinsing the soap off and patting your skin dry.
You looked back up at the mirror.You could barely recognize yourself.You looked like a deformed radiation exposed raccoon.You saw the clothes Pope had picked for you,pulling them on over your damp skin.You slowly brushed your teeth,blood leaking from your gums as you did so.You dragged yourself out of the bathroom,the cold air of the kitchen hitting you.Pope wa sitting at your kitchen table.A plate of eggos sat on a paper plate,a cup of water sitting in front of it. “I’ll go grocery shopping for you later.”He offered as you sat down.You shook your head. “No...its fine.”You answered as you stared down at the plate. “You dont have anything to eat here.Let me go grocery shopping and cook for you.”He spoke softly,taking a pill from your prescription bottle and holding it in his palm.
“Can you please eat so you can take this?”He asked.You took a bite of the eggo,wanting nothing more than to spit it out into the garbage.You chewed it to mush and swallowed,looking back at him. “Good.”He handed you the pill. “I dont want to take this.”You told him.He sighed,nodding. “I know,I know you dont but it’ll make you feel better.”He told you.You dipped your head back,dropping the pill in your mouth and sipping the water. “All I want is to be happy….why is that so much to ask for?”You grumbled,looking down at your cup.He reached out for your hand,rubbing his thumb along your palm. “You’ll be happy one day.If you take your medicine and make your environment better you’ll feel better.”He had probably read that bullshit in some book.You rolled your eyes. “What does that even mean?”You asked.You placed his hand over yours,tapping his nails against your fingertips. “Just let me take care of you until your mom gets back,alright?”He asked.You hummed,too tired to argue.
He grabbed your hairbrush and a bottle of detangler from your bathroom and got to work on your hair.It didnt hurt too bad and he was careful with your hair almost like it was precious gold. “Do you wanna watch a movie?”He asked.You shrugged but followed him to your living room.It was the one room besides your mothers that you hadnt completely fucked up.He went on Disney Plus and allowed you to flick through the titles until you found something you liked.You chose Inside Out.He grinned at you,kissing your forehead before disappearing into your room.He picked up the clothes off your floor and assumed they were dirty,tossing them into your washing machine.
He stuffed your trash bin full of all the paper and random trash on your floor.He grabbed the stacks of plates,forks and molding mugs from you floor and on top of your dresser.He did a load of dishes,switching your clothes from your washer to your dryer.You had fallen asleep on the couch with the movie still on.He made your bed for you,killing a few bugs that had been hiding under all of the trash.He called his dad. “Pope?You okay?” “mhm..yeah.Um...im gonna be away from home for a while.” “What-no the hell you’re not.” “Dad-” “No-what am I gonna do with all these grocery deliveries?” “Dad-Its (Y/N).” Silence. “Is she….uhh..” “No-no.She’s been off her meds and i think someones gotta be here to take care of her while her moms out of town.” “Alright...just be careful with her.”The call ended.Pope sighed as he looked at your room.It was much much cleaner now that he was done with it.
He sat down on the couch next to your sleeping figure,paying attention to the movie in front of him.You sat up tiredly,wrapping your arms around his torso and moving him so you could rest your head on his tummy. “I think thats whats happening to me.”You spoke,gesturing to the TV.Joy and Sadness had just left the headquarters which left only fear,anger and disgust.He nodded,understanding what you were trying to tell him. “Maybe.”He replied.You sighed,tracing circles onto his skin through his shirt. “I wanna learn how to be happy...it might take a while but I just wanna be happy,you know?”You asked.He hummed,moving his arms so he was holding you. “I’ll help anyway I can.”He promised,stroking your hair lightly.
#pope heyward#pope x reader#pope outer banks#pope heyward imagine#pope heyward headcanon#jonathan daviss#jj maybank#jj maybankxreader#jj maybank imagine#jj x you#jj maybank oneshot#kiara carrera#kiara x reader#obx kiara#kiara carrera x you#kiara carrera imagine#john b#john b routledge#sarah cameron#sarah cameron x reader#sarah cameron imagine#sarah cameron x you#obx sarah#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe x reader#rafe cameron imagine#drew starkey#madison bailey#madelyn cline
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Song Prompts #1
“Will nature make a man of me yet?”- The Smiths, This Charming Man
“If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?”- Lynyrd Skynyrd, Free Bird
“When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.”- Hozier, Work Song
“I don’t think that we should be alone together, when we’re in a room you get my eyes, you open your mouth I’m hypnotised”- The Neighbourhood, Single
“She looks as if she’s blowing a kiss at me and suddenly the sky is a scissor”- Arctic Monkeys, That’s where you’re wrong
“You think you want to be alone, just wait until you’re crying on the shower floor”
“They’ve got a pretty face, but they’ve got a pretty empty head.”
“But how the hell do you fall in love, the last time I checked you can’t fall in slow mo”- LANY- The Breakup *There were too many good ones in this song, I couldn’t help myself*
“I know it’s mad, but if I go to hell will you go with me or just leave?” - Panic! At The Disco, Do you know what I’m seeing?
“I don’t know who’s protecting me, but we hit it off”- Drake, Sandra’s Rose
“Do me a favour and break my nose, do me a favour and tell me to go away?”- Arctic monkeys, Do me a favour
“Baby just came back around, said she needs time to explore, said I can’t love her no more”- The Neighbourhood, Baby came home
“Just one mistake, you say you’re not in love no more, but was it really love if you can leave me for something so innocent is this the end?”- LANY, Thick and thin
“You can have Manhattan, I know it’s for the best, I’ll gather up the avenues and leave them on your doorstep. I’ll tiptoe away so you won’t have to say you heard me leave.”
“You can have Manhattan, the one we used to share, the one where we were laughing and drunk on just being there. Hang onto the reverie, could you do that for me?”- Sara Bareilles, Manhattan
“You don’t love me, big fucking deal, I’ll never tell you how I feel.”
“I’ll send my best regards from Hell”- Marina and the Diamonds, Starring Role
“I been writing these songs ‘bout how I can’t be with you. I don’t want to be a monster, but I’ve been here for days, drinking too much now I want you, can’t get you off my brain.”- Henry, Monster, Eng. version
“Change lives, get better, yeah that be the plan”
“That’s why you see me winning, yeah, even after I lose”- Jay Park, Ask bout me
“Love is not looking over shoulders, Love is you should trust what I told you”
“Love is not struggling to say I love you”- 6LACK, Disconnect
“All these people taking miles when you give them an inch, all these followers but who’s gonna follow me until the end?”- Drake, Emotionless
“She’s in the rain, you wanna hurt yourself I’ll stay with you, you wanna make yourself go through that pain, It’s better to be held than holding on,”- The Rose, She’s In The Rain *Absolutely love this one, don’t @ me, I will die for the The Rose**
“Sex by the fire at night”- Bruno Mars, That’s What I Like
“I’ve got the good side of you, sent it out into the blue.”- Troye Sivan, Good Side
“Standing by the window, rain falling, I want to have you full in my embrace and tell you, even when I’m born again and love you, even then, will you be with me?”- KREAM, 선물 Gift *Translated*
“It all passes, Someday, For sure, Certainly”- RM, ft. NELL, everythingoes *Translated*
“Please stay as long as you need, can’t promise that things won’t be broken, but I swear that I will never leave. Please stay forever with me”- Sleeping With Sirens, Scene One- James Dean & Audrey Hepburn
“When you move, I’m put to mind of all that I wanna be, when you move
I could never define all that you are to me”- Hozier, Movement
“Wake up and smell the coffee, is your cup half full or empty?”- Billie Eilish, come out and play
“Am I a bad person? Or am I just in pain?”- DEAN, Sulli, Rad Museum, Dayfly *Translated*
“Kiss me on the lips, a secret just between the two of us, deeply poisoned by the jail of you, I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew the grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway”- BTS, Blood Sweat & Tears *Translated*
“When the sun sets and darkness comes, I only remember your warmth, where the stars wrap around us. I’m going there, I’ll be there”- SEVENTEEN, Highlight *Translated*
“I don’t ever wanna feel like anything I do ever had a fucking resonance or meant a thing to you.”- Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes, I Hate You
“You can’t take this away from me, the way I hit the melody, the waves bring clarity, running through me”- Tom Misch, Del La Soul, It Runs Through Me
“It was a lie when they smiled and said you won’t feel a thing”- My Chemical Romance, Disenchanted
“The fog has lifted and things get clear, all the lies pass by like a reel of film. I hate you”- EXO, 내가 미쳐 (Going Crazy) *Translated*
“I’m sorry- no, I’m not sorry, I’m just getting started and my life’s a party”- DEAN, Eric Bellinger, I’m Not Sorry
“Ain’t it fun, living in the real world?”- Paramore, Ain’t It Fun
“Ready or not, we are coming back- yeah, we’re over, we can tell you ‘bout what you need. You can look it up when you’re older”- Evergreen, Cargo Cult
“You, you got so much potential, every moment spent with you I bet was always eventful”- Aminé, Kehlani, Heebiejeebies- Bonus
“Could you imagine the taste of your lips if we never tried to kiss on the drive to Queens? ‘Cause I imagine the weight of your ribs if you lied between my hips in the backseat”- Halsey, Roman Holiday
“Forever isn’t for everyone, is forever for you?”- Arctic Monkeys, Snap Out Of It
“Wish you good luck being lonely, I’mma push red every time you phone me. You vow to be a memory”- Ella Mai, ft. Ty Dolla $ign, She Don’t
“I’ve been dazed and confused from the day I met you, yeah I lost my head and I’d do it again”- Ruel, Dazed & Confused
“I just want you closer, is that alright? Baby let’s get closer tonight”- Paolo Nutini, Last request
“You have no idea how pretty you are when you wake from sleep, you have no idea how beautiful you look as you get ready for bed”- Zion.T, No Makeup *Translated*
“I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight, baby, ‘cos I can’t get you off my mind”- Shawn Mendes, Lost In Japan
“She’s soothing like the ocean rushing on the sand, she takes care of me, baby, she helps me be a better man. She’s so beautiful, sometimes I stop to close my eyes, she’s exactly what I need”- Jeremy Passion, Lemonade
“And her lips are like the galaxy’s edge and her kiss the colour of a constellation falling into place”- Arctic Monkeys, Arabella
“It’s how you look, not how you feel. A city of glass with no heart”- Queens of the Stone Age, If I Had a Tail
“I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife”- Hozier, Take Me To Church
“Bitter and hardened heart, Oh, aching- waiting for life to start”- Keane, Bend & Break
“When you move I’m put to mind of all that I wanna be, when you move I could never define all that you are to me”- Hozier, Movement
“She said, ‘Baby, I’m afraid to fall in love, 'cause what if it’s not reciprocated?’ I told her, ‘Don’t rush girl, don’t you rush, guess it’s all a game of patience.’”- Pink Sweat$, Honesty
“Share a casket with you, we’ll be buried alive, me and her playing truth ‘til the day we die.”- Granata Ft. Phoniks, You Dont Need Me
“And hope that I had survived yesterday, and today is jealous of tomorrow.”- Emeli Sandé, Breathing Underwater
“Heaven if you sent us down so we could build a playground for the sinners to play as saints, you’d be so proud of what we’ve made.” Stephen, Crossfire
“Tell me how do you cope with it? How do you sleep with yourself at night? How do you cope with it? How do you sleep with yourself at night?”- blackbear, make daddy proud
“If anyone looks perfect, you look perfect next to me.”- Nick Wilson, Obsolete
“When I meet you after time passes, I’ll know (you were my future), I’ll know (I was your yesterday). When I meet you after time passes, I’ll know (you protected me), I’ll know (I desired you).”- SEVENTEEN (Wen Junhui & Xu Minghao), My I *Translated*
“I need my sex n’ drugs, I need my money first, bless me with all my sins.”- Abhi The Nomad, Ft. Harrison Sands & Copper King, Sex ‘n Drugs
“Naked and fallin’ in love, look here I got you. Safe where there’s no one to judge, keep it insightful.”- Keiynan Lonsdale, Preach
“All alone, all we know is haunting me, making it harder to breathe, harder to breathe.”- The Neighbourhood, Leaving Tonight
“Now I see you get off of the subway, haven’t seen you in months but it’s okay. I’d forgotten but I feel the same, hate that I still wish you were…”- Claud, Wish You Were Gay
“A perfect stranger lying next to me, he’s playing God with broken figurines. He keeps calling me his little queen and I believe.”- Jake Wesley Rogers, Little Queen (This song deserves way more recognition, make sure to give it a listen!)
“Hell is so close to Heaven, hell is so close to Heaven. Hold on don’t look back, you know we’re better- we’re better than that. Lost and thrown away, you know we’re better- we’re better than that.”- Sleeping With Sirens, The Strays
“Alone tonight, I’m drawing my dreams across the sky farther than I can imagine- She wants it.”- CIX, Movie Star *Translated*
“Yeah I mixed words and some whiskey on the flight just to make sure I landed on time and I wrote me a song I could sing just in case I forgot everything.”- Marc E. Bassy, Last One I Love
“Don’t ask questions you don’t wanna know, learned my lesson way too long ago.”
“Deadly fever, please don’t ever break, be my reliever 'cause I don’t self medicate”- Billie Eilish, my strange addiction
“And it’s worth it, it’s divine, I have this some of the time.”- Hozier, Cherry Wine
“And I realize you’re mine, Indeed, a fool am I.”- Queens of the Stone Age, No One Knows
“Look in the mirror ‘til I forget everything I know, everything I did was just a way to make the time feel faster.”- Miya Folick, Stock Image
“Do you feel how I feel? Are you numb? Do you tread crystal waters, bound to be stung? Are you scared? If I see you, we’re upon,
will you dye your hair dark so you’re no longer blonde?”- Isaac Dunbar, Cologne
“Tell me; To you I’m bad & hurtful. Because I’ve been busy, you’re hurting. Bad, bad, bad, I’m bad, bad.”- Crush, NAPPA (나빠) *Translated*
“Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of: A. Indifference or B. disinterest to what the critics say.”- Panic! At The Disco, London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines
“‘Cause you don’t say what you feel, I’m the one driving but you take the wheel. You wanna wait, 'til we’re older, I’m the one who started this, but now I just want closure.”- Ieuan, Closure
“Our names carved in the pavement, sealed by what’s left of our handprints, now. I told my mom, she’d love to meet you, but it’s too bad she won’t get the chance to.”- COIN, Malibu 1992
“I’m running outta time to hold you close, running outta time to be your man. I’m just lost in this moment, I’ve been zoning.”- blackbear, 4u
“Standing on your mama’s porch, you told me that you’d wait forever. Oh and when you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never”- Bryan Adams, Summer Of ‘69
“I’ll go out, grow my hair too long, sing your least favourite songs at the top of my lungs. I’ll go out, kiss all of your friends, make a story and pretend it was me who made this end.”- The Vamps, Hair Too Long
“Getting my mind right, I’ll wait 'til the time’s right. I’m meaning to tell you why it’s hard to sleep at night. There’s nothing to fear now, girl, we should be here now. So why don’t you hear me out?”- Jeremy Zucker, Ft. blackbear, talk is overrated
“We haven’t spoke since you went away, comfortable silence is so overrated. Why won’t you ever be the first one to break? Even my phone misses your call, by the way.”- Harry Styles, From the Dining Table
“Look overhead at the stars and the ocean, foggy emotions, moments, erosion. This supernova could cause a commotion, my minds of the notion, you’ll still be my motive”- Ansel Elgort, Supernova
“I love that new dress you bought, yeah, you sure look nice. Heard you liked that new restaurant, you know, I’ve been there twice. And the way that you switch up your hair, all of the moments we’ve shared, strolling the streets back in Rome, oh, how I wish I was there. It ain’t fair.”- Ruel, Face To Face
“Welcome to your life, there’s no turning back. Even while we sleep we will find you acting on your best behaviour, turn your back on mother nature.”- Tear For Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World
“I’m wide awake, not losing any sleep, I picked up every piece and landed on my feet. I’m wide awake, need nothing to complete myself, no.” Katy Perry, Wide Awake
“If you don’t realize, all of the things your life can do you will be left behind, swept up by the storm of those you knew.”- Meltycanon, thankful
“I always knew that we’d be by each other’s side forever, now our time has come and I’d be satisfied if we died together. Yeah, our climate’s fucked, we might as well enjoy the weather, our time is up and I’d be satisfied if we died together.”- Samsa, Anthropocene
“There’s still so much to say, I’m faded, broken, pretending you’re on the line, wasting my time. Sinking deeper, watching you spend your night,
like I’ll be fine and I’ll be over this.”- NYK, Faded
“I’d rather go to hell, than be in purgatory, cut my hair, gag and bore me, pull this pin, let this world explode.”- My Chemical Romance, Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)
“I reached for a shooting star, it burned a hole through my hand
Made its way through my heart, had fun in the promised land.”- blink-182, Wishing Well
“Let go of your baggage, but don’t think I don’t understand it’s probably a challenge,”- Isaac Lewis, Fly
“It’s been a long night in New York city, it’s been a long night in Baton Rouge. I don’t remember you looking any better, but then again, I don’t remember you.”- John Mayer, Who Says
Prompts 101-119
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idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this
self-love
♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo
❧ gn reader
✎ 3.7k words
a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors
oikawa
♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice
♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look
♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked
♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”
♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full
♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack
♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school
♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach
♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained
♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual
♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant
♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it
♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you
♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”
♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...
♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips
♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away
♡ ”I’m fine..!”
♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush
♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”
♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself
♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply
♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him
♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you
♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies
♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch
♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together
♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well
♡ You could manage on just water
♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals
♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it
♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in
♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere
♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty
♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal
♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”
♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”
♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame
♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading
♡ “Y/n, look at me.”
♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”
♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”
♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response
♡ “Do you know why?”
♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question
♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile
♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”
♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”
♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”
♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”
♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”
♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently
♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”
♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow
♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”
♡ “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”
♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”
♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”
♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner
♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious
♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa
♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:
♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’
♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’
♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘
♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’
♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’
♡ True to his word, he remained understanding
♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence
♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid
♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him
♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated
♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you
♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him
♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally
♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts
♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)
♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay
♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone
♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day
♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man
♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him
♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement
♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)
♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie
♡ Mid-movie be like:
♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?
♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”
♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”
♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)
♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once
♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing
♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair
♡ Y’all get better at it tho
♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)
♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)
♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended
♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too
♡ Has help resources READY
♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint
♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits
♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you
♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities
♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect
kuroo
♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him
♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs
♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable
♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly
♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness
♡ And so you tried to cope
♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you
♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin
♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you
♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right
♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them
♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere
♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame
♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards
♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc
♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look
♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud
♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt
♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose
♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve
♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself
♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself
-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--
-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace
-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame
-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall
- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”
-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today
- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”
-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial. You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--
-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed
-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone
-You were about to murmur in response when,
- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”
- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response
-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders
-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips
- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”
♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”
♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”
♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”
♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”
♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”
♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm
♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth
♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack
♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”
♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop
♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”
♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you
♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)
♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits
♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”
♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)
♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc
♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing
♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)
♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)
♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer
♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing
♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder
♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up
♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt
♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water
♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you
♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change
♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕
a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF
also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat
also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.
by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu reader insert#haikyuu x reader angst#oikawa x reader#kuroo x reader#oikawa tooru#kuroo tetsurou#haikyuu x reader fluff#tw
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Discord pt 64
[Date: 08/03, 6.01 AM - 08/03, 6.32 AM GMT]
[Direct continuation from pt 63]
[CW: Manipulation, stalking]
C R O W N: “are you all happier without me?”
Maxwell: “yes”
C R O W N: “...”
fetch: “we might be, yeah.”
C R O W N: “...”
Marcus: “...guys”
fetch: “just get out of here, dammit”
C R O W N: “i see”
Maxwell: “leave”
Marcus: “Baron and prince and lizzy are still with him”
jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but theyre not in the court”
Marcus: “They are jay”
jayyyyyyyy: “crowns lost so much power. rescuing the others will be childsplay”
Marcus: “They’re still there”
Little-K1ng: “this is a weird vibe, just 3 dudes in my living room. i hope you guys know i have like, a bed and then a couch and also a floor”
Maxwell: “i call the floor”
Marcus: “That just makes him stronger”
Marcus: “Less people to control”
Little-K1ng: “floor is now called for, fetch can have the bed, and marcus gets couch i guess!”
Maxwell: “i can sleep anywhere man i used to sleep on the floor for fun as a kid!”
Little-K1ng: “zero porch sleepers, PLEASE,”
C R O W N: “I'm sorry. I just wanted to give Ranboo a happy family.”
Maxwell: “no you didnt bitch”
fetch: “just get OUT”
Maxwell: “that aint how a family works”
fetch: “get these squirrels out of my fuckin yard”
C R O W N: “...fine”
Marcus: “Do you remember what I said when this family asked about my thoughts on Dream?”
C R O W N: “yes”
Maxwell: “....i forgot how much of a dogboy you were fetch, heh...nice to see ya again man”
Little-K1ng: “[calling out of my front door to the street] ay fuck off pal not tonight”
fetch: “Pff, you too ya little rat”
Marcus: “I would like to change my answer.”
Marcus: “You are no better than Dream. You are no different than the man who you described as a horrible person. You are no savior.”
C R O W N: “...”
Marcus: “You are a coward.”
Maxwell: “ey i may be little but i can bite your kneecaps”
C R O W N: “...
:(”
Little-K1ng: “okay so i cant believe how not surprised i am but.... at the moment maxwell... theres orange juice in the fridge and cookies in the pantry (they're oatmeal raisin for your Health), if "someone" (you) starts bleeding again just sit and chill”
Little-K1ng: “but definitely get at those snacks”
Maxwell: “thanks man, sorry for barging in”
Marcus: “...what the hell are we wearing?”
Little-K1ng: “nah its all good ill be in a better mood once these bad boys! [holds out 2 excedrin] actually kick in”
Marcus: “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR”
Maxwell: “THATS WHAT I WANNA KNOW”
fetch: “I dunno man but hey max, you look good in a skirt”
Little-K1ng: “i mean you do suit the skirt”
Maxwell: “IM IN A SKIRT AND WHILE I DONT MIND SKIRTS ITS BEEN A WHILE MAN”
Maxwell: “.........hUh”
Marcus: “How the hell did I run in demonias what the fuck”
Maxwell: “i mean ive got combat boots so thats good but seriously man how the fuck did you run in those”
Marcus: “My hair isn’t supposed to be short”
fetch: “Okay you rock the demonias but are your ankles okay”
Little-K1ng: “yall are so fashionable i am almost not going to offer better clothes”
fetch: “...
Ow
ow ow ow
gys
watchdogs”
Little-K1ng: “wh?”
fetch: “gdox”
Maxwell: “i know ive got a button up on but not having a cloak or sweater of somesort feels horrid”
Marcus: “Fetch?”
fetch: “ow
gdoc”
[Crown edited onto the google doc: "I'm sorry i'll be good just please come back i don't want to lose anyone else it hurts i already lost tommy and now you all left me please come back please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please"]
Maxwell: “AW SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN”
Marcus: “Fuck”
fetch: “hes tampering”
dreaming: “fetch you okay?”
Little-K1ng: “woah dude hey hey sit its okay just sit”
Little-K1ng: “the doc...”
Maxwell: “uh oh”
fetch: “ow ow wh at the fu c k”
Maxwell: “the fuck happened to tommy what is he on about”
Little-K1ng: “WOAH okay so fetch just hit the floor”
Maxwell: “shit fetch you okay”
Marcus: “Fuck, do you have tissues? His nose is bleeding”
Little-K1ng: “AH AH HEY UH HELP ME uh hes bleeding flip him over”
Little-K1ng: “hes bleeding a lot dont let him drown”
Maxwell: “oh god okay”
Little-K1ng: “cmon recovery position dont you know that?? ok”
Marcus: “Yeah of course”
Maxwell: “dont lay him down yeah he'll choke on the blood if we do”
Little-K1ng: “okay hes good just. drooling blood onto the floor okay, thats, ew, but not the first time”
Little-K1ng: “oh yeah the doc huh? okay that alteration must have really hurt”
A random Spark: “It was a big one, a whole page”
Little-K1ng: “oh ouch”
Maxwell: “so should we try to leave it for now for fetch to fix when he wakes up to not hurt him more?”
Little-K1ng: “okay, note to self, buy more excedrin
this weeks trauma is sponsored by excedrin”
Maxwell: “what the shit happened to tommy?”
jayyyyyyyy: “tommy died??”
Maxwell: “HE WHAT”
jayyyyyyyy: “I DONT KNOW??”
Maxwell: “I WAS GONE FOR LIKE A DAY”
Little-K1ng: “yeah uh, he kinda, look ok yall can explain that and ill just. try to clean this up”
Mothbo: “Max, it's been much longer than a day.”
Maxwell: “what”
Little-K1ng: “a... a day ??”
Marcus: “...max”
Maxwell: “how...long has it been”
boo: “a month or so”
Maxwell: “god my head hurts this is too much to process”
Little-K1ng: “hahaa,, yeah no you've never met me, its been an awful lot longer than that, look, we've had a long night, the sprinklers are staying on overnight, just sit and we can get some sleep, yeah? ill stay with fetch and make sure he doesnt choke”
Little-K1ng: “ill get you the snacks and you can recover from the blood loss, sound good?”
Marcus: “I can um”
Maxwell: “thanks so much man...”
Marcus: “I can stay up and help these two, I basically took care of them back at the-
You know”
Maxwell: “okay...tomorrow....yall havge a lto og explaining to fo”
Marcus: “You don’t look well, Mona you should rest”
Maxwell: “im going to slepw nihgt fucekrs ha....its good to be back”
Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern, good night marcus. nice to meet you :)”
Marcus: “It’s uh, nice to meet you too
Goodnight”
Mothbo: “rest well, Max. Please stay safe okay? We missed ya”
Maxwell: “course....”
[jayyyyyyyy: “have a nice first night free marcus! :]”]
Marcus: “...thank you”
Chat: “...”
katichu (derogatory): “Chat?”
jayyyyyyyy: “hi, chat. you maybe wanna take off your crown, mate?”
Chat: “You know what? I really don't care anymore. I should've known who you all really were when you first showed your true colors by being so hateful to crown and the family. You're all nothing to me :) And guess what? I'm completely fine with that!!”
A random Spark: “We made our choice”
Chat: “Yep! And I've made mine, and I'm completely fine with knowing that I've done nothing but right by Crown, and that none of this is my fault and I'm not to blame for anything and I haven't done anything wrong and it's perfectly fine and I'm okay!!”
Chat: “I know you never cared about me anyway. You don't need to keep saying it. I have my family and I'm h a p p y n o w”
[jayyyyyyyy: “We do care about you. We're also all tired as fuck.”]
Chat: “Right.”
Chat: “I'll be leaving now. Thank you for nothing.”
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Spellbucks
A/N: Soooo hey, yep, not dead and this story is gonna continue! Sorry for the long wait and I’ll try my best to put out more Prinxiety and Logically on my blog but that’s besides the point.
This here is the bonus chapter featuring Prinxiety, the first conversation between Roman and Virgil! And after that I’m gonna be slipping in some Logicality.
Tagging: @peach-cake-slice, @peachflavoredcupcake, and @no-i-dont-have-a-gender
Enjoy~
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Spellbucks Cafe (bonus chapter)
“Speaking of you, Hot Topic, I don’t think I caught your name?”
Virgil looked up at the tanned brunet, snorting at him. “My name?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m....”
Virgil grinned as he stalled, watching Roman’s anticipation increase as he waited. He held the silence there for a few more minutes before smirking.
“Not gonna tell you my name.”
“Oh, come on!” Roman exclaimed and Virgil could only snicker. “If I told you my name would you tell me yours?”
“No.” Virgil snorted and snickered even harder at how Roman groaned at his response.
“Oh fine, Mysterio, have it your way! I, in fact, will give you my name. Regardless if you want me to or not!” Roman huffed dramatically, puffing out his chest with a hand over it.
(Let’s just assume Roman knows a little bit about Marvel okay? Not that I know anything much about it.)
Virgil snorted at the nickname, rolling his eyes. “Go ahead then.”
Roman grinned and Virgil could swear he saw sparkles, “My name is Roman! Roman Prince!”
Virgil gaped for a moment before shaking himself out of it and covering it up with a snort, “No wonder you’re so dramatic. You must get all the girls this way.” What? What was he saying? He didn’t know!!
Roman gave him a look, “Unfortunately, I don’t have much of an interest in princesses.”
“Oh?” Virgil raised a brow at the man.
“Indeed! I have far more interest in.... Dashing princes, such as yourself.”
As Roman gave Virgil his billion dollar smile the emo blushed slightly and scoffed, turning away to hide the red in his cheeks. Little did he know that Roman was blushing a little too.
“Wh- Whatever... You’re not going to get me that easy Princey.”
Roman felt a pull of challenge at that, grinning. “Maybe not today but soon, my dark knight. What do you say dinner at 7 for a start, hm?”
“P-pfft, in your dreams.”
“Oh come on, just one date! Please?”
“No.”
“Oh come onnnn.”
Roman groaned and Virgil snorted, a grin on his lips as he watched Roman grumble. He took out his phone and noticed that it was time for him to leave. Well, hopefully Roman will stop pursuing him tomorrow. A guy can dream, right?
Putting away his notes and laptop he stood up, but before he left he felt a tug at his sleeve, looking to see Roman holding onto it.
“Y-you’re leaving already?”
“Yeah? I’m going home since you wouldn’t let me concentrate on my work.”
Virgil saw the image of a sad, kicked, puppy overlap Roman and he held in a groan, man how was he going to leave like this now?
“I’ll... See you tomorrow, right?” Roman asked.
Virgil looked at his face, the man who was so self-confident and dramatic before now giving him puppy eyes. He sighed, I guess it wouldn’t hurt anyone...
“... Yeah, sure Princey. See you around.” He said, gently prying Roman’s fingers off his hoodie’s sleeve before shooting him a smile and leaving the cafe.
For the rest of the time Roman was in the Cafe he was only sighing dreamily as he slowly consumed whatever he had ordered.
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Some time later a few hours before the Cafe closed...
Patton heard the tingling of the bell at the door and smiled as he checked the time. Right on time as usual. As he exited the back of the cafe he smiled as he saw his favorite bespectacled customer.
“Logan! Right on time as usual.” Patton exclaimed, he already had Logan’s espresso on hand as he walked towards Logan’s table.
The intellect smiled fondly as the bubbly owner approached and placed his usual order on his table.
“Good evening, Patton.”
“How has your day been? I hope your boss isn’t giving you more trouble...”
At the mention of his boss, Logan smiled, a little sadly.
“Well... Patton. Regarding that...”
Patton furrowed his brows, worried. “What is it, Logan? You know you can talk to me about anything.”
Logan gave Patton a stiff, but reassuring smile. “I have left that job today.”
A beat.
“WHAT???” Patton exclaimed in shock and Logan clapped his hands over his ears.
“C-calm down, Patton...!”
“But. Then. Doesn’t that mean you’re unemployed??? I mean, I’m happy you left because your boss wasn’t treating you right, but still!!! Didn’t you.. Love that job...?”
Patton felt bad, and worried, he was soooooo worried! What if Logan couldn’t find a good job? Or pay the bills?? He wanted so badly to help but, how could he do that??? Logan on the other hand was calm, trying to calm Patton down too.
“I... Admit I did feel an affinity for the line of work. However, the circumstances now has turned against my favor, thus, not allowing me to work as efficiently as I’d like. Hence, I deduced the best course of action was to leave.”
“But... But. How will you manage between now and when you get a new job?”
“It’s quite alright, Patton. I have taken in consideration of multiple possibilities that may require funds at unfavorable times. It is due to that that I have been saving for ‘rainy days’ as they call it. So I’ll be fine.”
Okay... Right. Logan was right. He’d be fine, he shouldn’t be so worried... But.. he really wanted to help!! Maybe he could hire Logan? He did need some help managing the budget.... No! Bad Patton! He has the right to decide for himself!
“Al-.. Alright. Sorry... So.. What do you plan to do now?”
Logan seemed to hesitate slightly before responding, “Well... I have to go job hunting soon and... I.. Do have an idea of where I’ll be applying. If the person in charge of that establishment is in need of my capabilities.”
“Oh? And where’s that?”
“It’s... A humble place.... Around here... That... I hope needs my accounting skills...”
“Is it the bookstore down the street? Humbee’s?”
“No.”
“Then is it the electronic store opposite?”
“No.”
“The convenience store then?”
“No! Ugh... What I meant was....” Logan looked to the side, as if not too sure how to say it and also a little... Embarrassed? It seemed like that to Patton. “.... I meant to say.... Will you consider hiring me? Patton? I assume running this place alone is no small feat and I... Figured you may appreciate some help...?”
Patton blinked once.
Then again.
“Are... Are you saying that....?”
“... Yes, Patton. I would like to work here... If you don’t mind for me to do so.”
There was a beat of silence as Patton stared at Logan in disbelief...... Before pouncing on him and hugging him.
“Oh my gosh, you wanna work here?!?!?? Of course you can!!! I’d love if you could work with me! Oh gosh, am I making you uncomfortable I’m so sorry!!! I’m just.... So happy you even thought of working here!” Patton smiled and he felt happiness in every vein.
Logan was surprised by the hug but couldn’t help a small smile as he hugged Patton back, chuckling.
“It’s quite alright Patton... And I hope this means I’m hired...?”
“OF COURSE!!!” Patton exclaimed, beaming so wide his cheeks started to ache a little, but he didn’t care. He could see Logan everyday now!! He was so happy!!!
Logan smiled as he watched Patton twirl around, “Thank you, Patton. Then I shall begin working tomorrow. What time do you usually set up?”
“Oh, 6am! Do you think you can make it?”
“Of course.”
Logan says with a soft smile and Patton couldn’t help but feel elated, his heart beating fast and warmth seem to spread from his chest to the rest of his body.
He felt a little like he was floating as he spent the rest of the night chatting with Logan before he had to close. And he swears he could feel his heart dance as Logan smiles at him as he bids him goodnight, thinking about how he’ll be able to see him tomorrow.
He couldn’t wait~
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[Previous] - [Next (Coming Soon?)]
#Spellbucks#prinxiety#logicality#roman sanders#virgil sanders#logan sanders#patton sanders#bonus chapter
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Amiright?
Summery- 2.1k. Colin x Y/N. A fun night out brings up some questions. So this was written for @official-and-unstable-satan gif challenge. If you wanna participate, head on over and join in, more then happy to nominate you if you desire. I did break the rules a bit with that opening gif, but it does appear before the final gif. Im not much of one to follow the rules, sorry peeps. I roll my own way.
You and Colin had a easy relationship. It was never really all that serious, you two never even made it “official”. The two just melded one day into this more then best friends with benefits, you were his unofficial girlfriend, a term you thought yourself to be. You unfortunately would freeze up at the idea of official girlfriend, i mean... thats to serious, isnt it?
He looked out for you, and you looked out for him. Long days at work, he would surprise you with your favorite take out spread on the coffee table, and then you would sit between his legs, his arms wrapped around you while you both played the newest video game. He would make it out like you totally kicked his ass, stealing kisses and nibbles when he wanted to distract you and usually before the night was done, the video controllers were forgotten for a quickie on the couch, often times the video games music was your new sexy time theme song.
Then other times, he would drag you out of the apartment. His grin boyish as he insisted you change from your work outfit, unbuttoning your blouse and running a hand over the lacy cups of your bra. “Fuck I love this number on you, when we come back, I should peel you right out of this with my teeth.” Your breath hitched, you would like that very much. Placing a kiss to your lips, he smirked “but not right now. I have something else in mind. Something sporty lil minx.”
“Where are we going?” You question, digging through your closet. “Im not sure of how to dress!”
“Anything babe! Comfy clothes!” He went into the closet you currently were a bit lost in, and reached over you to grab your sweat pants and a tshirt. You look at them with an arched brow and snort while taking them. “You high classing me up Stud?”
He winked as he pulled on his old beat up grey zip up. “You know it sexy, aint no one got nothing on you.”
Laughing, the two of you stumble out the door and his arm wrapped around you your waist, holding you in against his side, you followed him along, chatting a bit about your day since he wasnt spilling what the two of you were doing.
But soon enough you two came up to the local gymnasium and he dug out a key from his pocket, unlocking the doors and slipping in. As the two of you walked in, a few lights sprung on and you wiggled out of his hold and sprang forward to do a cartwheel, landing half hazardly back on your feet. “Ta-Da!” giggling as you reach up to pull your hair back into a ponytail, snapping the band you kept around your wrist around. Colin grabbed a nearby basketball and lazily dribbled it as he sauntered towards you across the court. “How did you get the key to this place?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy, who needed a gig played this weekend. Figured we needed a night out baby, and what better then playing Horse?” Another dribble and you put your hands to your hips watching him, you were always down for the thrill of the challenge. Competitive little minx that you are. And he was right, you two had been holed up in the apartment for a tad to long.
“Well lets make it interesting Colin.” you state, holding your hands out for the ball. “Every missed shot, we get to pick something to loose.” He cocked a brow and raked his eyes over you. “Game on babygirl.“ He tossed you the ball ,and smirked, watching as you picked your spot. Off to the left side of the court, along the edge, you dribble a few times and then with a small jump, flick of your wrist, you sent the ball flying, and hell you made this shot a hundred times growing up. That ball gave a sweet sweet swish snap, and Colin rolled his eyes. “easy, I got this.” Jogging for the ball, he swooped it up and zig zagging over to you, showing off, you step from where you stood while he went to make his shot.
“Its harder then it looks” you claim, and he winks.
“Im winning this baby, your gonna look awful good running around all bare ass naked in here while I claim my trophey.” And sure enough he to made the shot.
“Oh you think your gonna get that far? Whats your trophey?”
“Why your panties of course.”
Oh fuck, game on boy, you thought and grabbing the ball, you chose your next spot, further away, towards the middle of the court. When you went to make your shot, he snapped your ass with his palm, making you squeek and shoot it way off, not even hitting the back board. “COLIN!” His laughter echoing as he tugged on your shirt. “Off it comes!”
“That was cheating you bastard” you stick your tongue out as you jerk it over your head and toss it over his shoulder. He grasped your chin and drew your teasing tongue into his mouth, wrangling a moan from you before releasing you.
"Fighting dirty is encouraged babygirl, I thought you knew that" you narrowed your eyes at him as he jogged for the ball, the bouncing echoing while he assessed where he wanted to shoot from. Once he picked, you sauntered in front of him, leaving enough space so he could shoot, but you knew what could distract him. Since they distracted him 20 times a day without even trying. His hand was always snaking up your shirt to play with your breasts.
Just as he was about to shoot, your hands shot up and giving a luscious lip parting, moan, plumping the swells together, his eyes immediately fell from the hoop to where they were spilling over the top, and sure enough his shot went WAY WAY off the mark. A drop of your hands and the wiggle of the brows, you snicker.
“Loose the shirt hot stuff!” You tug on his hoodie, and pull down the zipper for him, leaning up to catch his lips in a kiss, fully meant to draw his focus from the game. Tiny nips, flick of the tongue trailing over his full bottom lip and then pulling away before he can get the satisfaction of tasting your kiss. A frustrated groan fell from his chest, and he shrugged off the shirt.
The back and forth was fierce. Colin got the satisfaction of getting the next few shots, and much to your disdain at this, you shed off your belt, pants and one sock. He did let you keep on one sock, how sweet of him. While you were following along behind him, hooking your hand into his belt loops and tugging on him from behind as he takes a random jumping shot, falling back into you.
“Ha, you missed baby, Pants, they are finally mine!”
He doesnt even hesitate to unzip them and tug them off, a smirk playing off his mouth.
So his next statement threw you off axis, put a pause to your laughter, tilted your whole world off kilter. You dont know why it would scare you so much.
“My girlfriend is free to take my pants off whenever she pleases.” With a toss he shot them in the pile of clothing you accumulated.
But you couldnt see that, he called you his girlfriend, girlfriend. You werent anything, never have been.
“What? Im not your girlfriend.”
He just looked at you a bit weird and picked up the ball. “Of course you are Y/N, we practically live together now, Im just waiting for my lease to end on my apartment.”
“Oh no buddy.” Your hands go to your hips with a shake of the head “We never said we were anything.” Pointing between the two of you, good mood gone as his face turned serious listening to you.
“Then what has this all been? You cant tell me nothing Y/N, its been like a year” You already had turned on your heels. You werent running away, no, not at all. You werent terrified that he might have cared about you more then in a friendly way, although you both know thats the biggest mother fucking lie you told yourself in that moment when he was saying your name, trying to get an answer.
Your gathering your clothes when he grasps your arm. “Will you just stop for a moment Y/N and talk to me?”
“I cant, I got to work tomorrow.” You lamely make an excuse, fuck work.
“You know, I knew I god damn knew you would pull this shit Y/N the minute I said it was anything. You know why? Your so damned scared of actually wanting something, you wont say it. Think its gonna blow all up in your face, amiright?” His words running together as you wrench your arm out and you glare at him.
“Im not the one who just assumed anything asshole.” Your temper flaring to hide anything other then what you really want to say. And you leave Colin standing there in shock, in the middle of the gymnasium, the lights glaring over him and you resolve not to look back as you slam out the door, but you hear him, a string of cusses following you outside in his anger and your name, your name calling you back, to not run away. But run away you did.
He didnt come back that night, not to your apartment, you heard the slamming of his door across the hallway and you curled up in bed feeling completely miserable about what had happened, how you reacted and maybe he was right, you had some kind of commitment issue after years of self esteem issues. Ones he always talked you through.
“Babes your so damn smart, what would I do without you?!” Helping him put together a lyric for his music, the words would just come to you.
“Come on, its not that bad, let me read.” Sneaking a peek over your shoulder at a short writing piece you were indulging yourself in.
“Kicking ass and taking names” High fiving you after a particularly difficult boss in the video game.
“Baby you eat today? How about a grilled cheese?” on those days you just couldnt get your shit together and remember to feed yourself. A water bottle being tossed at you.
“God damn your so beautiful” Early morning wake ups, his arm locking you in close, and not allowing you to leave him for a few moments. A kiss to your shoulder and light nibble to your neck before you really had to start the day.
It hurt he wasnt there now, the bed felt hollowed and you buried your face in the pillow. Why did you do this to yourself? He tried to text a few times, but you bypassed them, not having an answer for him. He would want one, Curtis didnt just let things go. ‘what are you never going to talk to me again?’ was his last one. Then the phone went silent.
The night turned into days, and it turned into the longest three damn days you could recall. Then the third night as you were nursing a beer, secretly listening for the door across the hall, there was a knock, a soft rapt that made you spring up out of your seat. Setting the bottle aside, you unlocked your door and peered out. Opening the door wider, there was Colin, not in his usual band tees, and jeans, or that stupid zip up you missed, no he was dressed up, tie and everything.
“Hi Y/n” he smiled, fidgeting a bit, he seemed so out of his norm. You shyly look down, picking at your rather unfancy attire.
“Hi Colin, you look good”
“Do I? I wouldnt know” He teased and reached out to lift your face with a tilt of his fingers under your chin. “But theres an important woman whom deserves it.” Your brows come together, clearly unsure of what he meant. “Y/N, I didnt mean to scare you off, I should have done this right, not just assume you wanted the same thing I did. Im hoping you do, but if you dont... then I will respect that. Will you date me, be my girlfriend?”
Seeing him now, those uncalled for fears still lingered, but you wanted this. You wanted him, and the past few days showed just how much he actually meant to you, maybe you both were taking each other for granted.
“Yes Colin, I cant believe you still want to after I was such an asshole”
“Nah, you werent an asshole.” He stepped in closer, and kissed your forehead. “Okay, maybe a teeny bit, but I was a big dick for not talk to you about it, so that makes us pretty even right?”
You laugh listening to him and tug on his tie, dragging him into the apartment. Fuck you missed this.
@what-is-your-plan-today im just gonna tag you in everything till your like “STOP” lmao
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