#tara maclay lives
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New story up:
This story essentially uses one type of Season 6 Fix-Fic to merge its storyline with that of Season 7, using the Buffyverse's own version of the Multiverse and asking the question "So what happens if Willow does not cross the first uncrossable line at a personal level."
Resurrecting the title character of the show by definition is not that uncrossable line in-universe or out of it. This storyline also uses my patented deconstruction element of 'setting that is still true to itself but where, absent narrative contrivance the people are written like actual people and not plot devices intertwined with fetish fuel.'
Also features a multiversal version of Dark Willow who's actually capital E Evil and has gone very far into 'Beware the Superman' territory whose bid is ultimately grander than that of the First Evil and proves the Ganon who hijacks him, because even the capital E Evil Dark Willows are compulsive overachievers who do six impossible things before breakfast.
My first step into a fandom I've long read fanfic for and seen every season of Buffy, even the cringy last two, and my idea of a redo on those last two. Also featuring elements of the comics.
#buffy the vampire slayer#buffy fanfic#tara maclay lives#deconstruction fleet a go go#lightdancer's patented whacking a setting with a nailbat for fun and joy#willow x tara#willow x kennedy#actually making kennedy likeable#look at least some of the dislike is that she's a Latina replacing a white woman#dark willow#also wanted a dark willow who actually IS Evil and not just driven by grief into murderous lashing out#also features some in-jokes referencing Whedon's Avengers films since Dark Willow was Ultron 1.0 in certain ways anyway
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BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 6x19 | “Seeing Red”
#btvsedit#btvs#buffythevampireslayeredit#buffy the vampire slayer#creations#buffyseries#dailybtvs#willow rosenberg#tara maclay#dawn summers#tillow#as a Dawn Fan^TM#i really really love her relationship to tillow. like obviously i am no. 1 fan of the spike/dawn relationship#and everything it carries. but people really like to raise up spike as dawn's caretaker during The Summer#but the throughline that is dawn living with tillow and tara making the pancakes and their little impromptu family.#and how dawn is the main one carrying that dynamic after buffy is back.she's still SO invested in the family they built while buffy was gon#this scene in SR really sets up the gut punch that is dawn's reaction to tara in Villains#bc buffy is dawn's sister. but honestly so are tara and willow at this point. dawn's support system is all of buffy's friends but#particularly a special place for tara/willow/babysitter spike#buffysource
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Do you ship them?
#oops sry for the spelling mistake#buffy the vampire slayer#willow rosenberg#tara maclay#daniel osbourne#daniel oz osbourne#willow x tara x oz#willow/tara/oz#poly ship#queer ship#lgbt#lgbtq#fandom poll#tumblr poll#poll#live action#series
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Advent calendar of kisses
Day 2 Tara Maclay & Willow Rosenberg | Buffy the Vampire Slayer
#these two just make my heart go pitter-patter :")#we all agree they lived happily ever after yeah? 🙃#btvs fanart#buffy the vampire slayer#willow rosenberg#tara maclay#willow x tara#tara x willow#fanart#btvs#artists on tumblr#my art#artcalendar2023
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season 6 au where after dead things buffy and tara get high together on the reg
#buffy who is a total lightweight gets really stoned after like. a joint#at which point she goes on an incoherent rant about faith#and tara's like sweetie baby honeypie#that is not heterosexual behavior#and then they cry together#also tara lives through the power of stoner comedy#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#buffy summers#tara maclay
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ordinary, special, chosen
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tara Maclay & Dawn Summers Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s07e12 Potential, Buffyverse Secret Santa, Canon Divergent, Tara Maclay Lives Summary:
Tara clears her throat, trying to get her thoughts in order. “About the other girls. It’s a lot of responsibility, being a potential. Just going about your life like everything’s ordinary and then suddenly you’ve got danger, destiny, evil knife minions coming after you. It’s a lot.”
Dawn looks away. “They can handle it.”
Tara takes a seat beside her, taking a sip of her tea. “Yeah. They’re special, no doubt. Chosen. But… I don’t think they’ll ever really understand.”
“What?”
“What it’s like for everyone else.” Tara says softly.
Read on AO3
#just realised i never posted about this here!#i am so behind on sharing my ao3/youtube works whoops#this was for a secret santa!! i had so much fun!#Buffyverse Secret Santa 2023#tara maclay#dawn summers#tara & dawn#tara lives au#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#fanfiction#my fics#my post#Episode: s07e12 Potential#7x12#potential
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Oz should have accidentally bitten Willow at some point, so we could have had werewolf & witch willow dating Tara.
#Grumping#Willow Rosenberg#Werewolf!Willow#Tara Maclay#Daniel Oz Osbourne#Tillow#I was wanting to include a poll of whatifs that live rent free in my head including this one but then for some reason all my whatifs#have left my head save for this right now#I did this in ICC but because of the pacing of things Willow and Tara hadn't actually gotten together by the time I abandoned the fic after#700000 words or close
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nobody compares to you
chapter 11
pairing: ellie x reader
synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?
content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, descriptions of alcohol and underage drinking, mentions of homophobic slurs, descriptions of marijuana use, men being creepy in general, drama between exes, descriptions of an anxiety attack, mentions of nausea and vomiting, minors do not interact
word count: 10.2k
chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen
series masterlist
my masterlist
i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎
the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist
Freshman Year, Fall
You’d never been to a college party, much less a frat party. The extent of your knowledge was taught by cheesy and likely inaccurate movies where all the characters were all played by 30-year-olds pushing 40. But after the shit show that was your senior year of high school, you were looking forward to celebrating your newfound freedom through underage drinking and close-quartered gyrating.
Your roommate's name was Tara Maclay, a honey-blonde tomboy who wore baggy clothing and had a foul but amusing mouth. Your first few days involved polite conversation and awkward apologies when you’d accidentally invade the other’s personal space. However, after a late night of deep conversation, you’d discovered that you were both lesbians and felt a friendship click almost immediately.
During yet another freshman orientation, this time for your dorm held by your RAs in one of the lounges, you’d both befriended a few other girls who also resided in your building, Wilson Valley. The first you’d met was a girl named Astrid. She was tall, skinny, and had long black & blonde braids that swayed gracefully every time she moved. You couldn’t help but notice the way Tara eyed her, nudging her playfully to break her out of her slack-jawed loser lesbian stupor.
Astrid had greeted you both sweetly and introduced you to a couple more girls she’d already met: Sidney and Rebecca, who happened to live right in the same hall as you and Tara. Astrid mentioned she had a roommate as well, who couldn’t come to the meeting. You vaguely recalled she said her name was Dina.
After your RAs ended the meeting and dismissed the rest of the residents, your newfound group lingered in the lounge. You continued to chat lightly about nonsensical topics like new classes and room assignments and the campus until Rebecca mentioned a party being thrown the next night.
“My roommate Kristen mentioned that this frat is having a ‘Start of the Year’ party or something tomorrow!” She said, settling into one of the ratty couches. “Not sure if you guys would be interested in that, but I thought that would be cool to go to, even just for the experience.”
Tara grimaced before saying, “An excuse for asshole, predatory frat guys to prey on freshman girls?”
“Could maybe still be fun, though,” Astrid mused. “Nice excuse to get fucked up and all.”
“Well, I guess the free booze isn’t so bad.” Tara quickly said, changing her tune instantly. You chuckled quietly at her.
“What’s the frat?” You asked.
“Uhh,” Rebecca pondered for a moment. “I think… Sigma… something? I honestly don’t remember. I’ll ask Kristen later.”
“All of them just sound the same anyway,” Sidney shrugged, sitting criss-cross applesauce on the carpeted floor next to the couch. “I’m totally up for it if you guys go, though. Good way to be social. I don’t really have friends around here just yet.”
You turned towards her.
“We’re all your friends, so you do now.” You said, smiling at her.
Sidney returned your smile with a wide one of her own.
You’d already set out your desired outfit on your bed for the Sigma Eta party when you sat by your desk, applying your makeup. Behind you, Tara was clumsily rummaging through her clothes, cursing under her breath as she kept changing her mind about her party attire.
“What the fuck do you even wear to frat parties, dude?” She said, throwing yet another unfolded, creased shirt into her dresser.
“Honestly, I don’t really know. I’ve mostly gone to high school theatre cast parties, and I don’t think those really count as real parties.” You replied, lightly brushing a small spoolie through one of your eyebrows.
“Am I supposed to look fucking nice, or—?”
“Just be yourself!” You jokingly said.
Through your makeup mirror, you saw Tara give you an annoyed grimace in the reflection. You laughed.
“That’s stupid ass advice.” She groaned in frustration.
“Sorry!” You apologized in jest. “I mean, you’re not really there to attract guys. Don’t have to be all dressed up and all if you don’t want to be.”
“You’re getting all dressed the fuck up.” Tara pointed out, motioning towards your outfit on the bed.
“I just like looking nice,” You shrugged. “Just for myself, not really for anyone else. Like I said, you don’t have to get all dressed up if you don’t want to. Unless there’s someone you’re trying to impress.”
“I mean, I didn’t say that…” She grumbled, almost indiscernible underneath her breath.
“Oh?” You said, momentarily pausing your makeup routine to turn towards her with an eyebrow raised. “Why? Is there a certain someone you wanna look good for?” You inquired.
Tara refused to meet your inquisitive eyes as she fidgeted with another shirt’s buttons between her hands.
“I knew it!” You laughed, pointing the makeup brush you held in your hand towards her. “You like Astrid!”
“No, I fucking do not!” Tara responded defensively.
“You have a crush on Astrid,” You said in a sing-song voice. “You have a crush on Astrid!”
“Shut the fuck up, dude!”
“You think she’s pretty, you want her to have your babies!” You continued to sing, cackling as you turned back to your desk to resume your eye makeup.
“I will physically fight you, you dick!” Tara warned noncommittally.
“Save all those kinky threats for your new girlfriend.” You chuckled as you effortlessly blended two shades of eyeshadow with one another.
“Ugh,” She groaned as she flopped down on her bed. “She’s so fucking straight though. Like, painfully fucking straight. Like, not just heterosexual. Barbie heterosexual.”
“First of all,” You said as you set down the makeup brush in your hand to grab your setting spray. “Barbie is so gay, so that point is useless.”
“Barbie is not fucking gay, man.” Tara argued.
“Barbie is a lesbian with comphet and Ken is her lavender marriage boyfriend,” You disagree, fanning your freshly sprayed face. “Secondly, Astrid is one hundred percent a dyke too.”
“Did you fucking see her, dude?”
“Yes, I did. I have eyes, Tara.”
“Yes, I do too.”
“But not a good enough gaydar though, it looks like.”
“What the fuck!”
“Trust me, Tara,” You said, turning towards her once more to look her straight in the eyes. “There is not a single straight bone in that girl’s body, I guarantee it. If you weren’t so busy checking her out before, you would have noticed it too. Might have even noticed that she was also checking you out.”
“Wait. Hold the fuck up, seriously?” Tara said, perking up for a second before suddenly looking nervous.
“Dude, this is no time to be a fucking pussy! She’s really pretty and seems to like you back. Just get to know her tonight!”
“You think she’s pretty?” She asked.
“I mean, yeah, of course. She is gorgeous.” You admit. “But you’re okay, I’m not competition. She’s not my type, trust me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, kind of discovered after my last relationship that I’m more into like, masc and butch lesbians.”
“Oh?” Tara said intriguingly, abandoning her search for appropriate clothing to take a seat on her bed. “How do you mean exactly?”
“Well,” You said, twirling your eyeliner pen in between your fingers as you turned in your chair to face her again. “My ex-girlfriend was a little bit more feminine than masculine. And I mean, I guess I was attracted to her in different kinds of ways, but I think that I was drawn more to her personality than her looks.”
You sighed before continuing.
“Which, obviously, I think is very important, but I also believe that you’ve gotta be physically attracted to who you’re with too, you know? Not in a shallow way or anything. But I don’t think I really ever felt that click with her, even at the start. It was just another unrealistic expectation I had of her that ultimately cemented the end of our relationship.”
Tara hummed in understanding.
“So why masculine lesbians, then? I’m just curious as someone who presents more as masculine but who tends to like more feminine girls.” She asked.
You pondered her question for a few moments, considering your response.
“There’s just… I don’t know, there’s just something so bold and alluring about a woman who completely rejects femininity in every possible way. We’re all expected to fill that role of being gentle and ladylike, and I think it’s just so attractive when a girl openly says ‘fuck you’ to that and presents the way she actually wants to, not the way the rest of the world expects of her. I love it when women are exclusively masculine, almost like they’re showing men how it’s supposed to be done. I think it’s just so hot and charming and sexy.”
“Ooh, so you think I’m sexy and shit?” Tara teases, wiggling her eyebrows at you as you conclude your mini-speech.
“No, you’re way too much of a loser lesbian who can’t even tell the difference between a straight girl and a femme lesbian.”
“Hey, not too fucking much now!” Tara said indignantly.
You laughed loudly before going back to applying your winged eyeliner.
A few moments later, you heard a knock followed by Astrid, Rebecca, and her roommate Kristen after you shouted that your door was unlocked. Kristen, a short and perky girl with her dirty blonde hair up in two long pigtails, introduced herself and said that her friend Mina was also tagging along later on, in addition to two other people she didn’t mention.
It was incredibly amusing to you how red and flustered Tara became as a result of Astrid’s sudden appearance. You even felt a little bit giddy yourself when Astrid graciously offered to help pick out an outfit for Tara to wear for tonight’s party.
It wasn’t long after the three girls arrived that Sidney joined the rest of your group, having done herself up a bit as well in a short, pink dress and pieces of curly hair styled to fall from her space buns. You all enthusiastically complimented her and hyped her up, to which she blushed.
You were the last one to finish getting ready, the rest of your new friends every now and again watching you finish your makeup routine as they all chatted animatedly. They all gawked in awe at the way you’d artistically dolled up your face, Kristen commenting that Michaelangelo couldn’t have painted colours the way you did your eyeshadow (to which you humourously and geekily remark that he was more of a sculptor than a painter). The girls all loudly squealed at how expertly you applied your fake eyelashes within mere seconds, you chuckling to yourself at how easily amused they seemed to be.
As all the girls began to pre-game with a bottle of Bacardi spiced rum Kristen had brought, you threw on the rest of your outfit: a long-sleeved, lacy and see-through white top with a black bra underneath, a black mini-skirt with side pockets, and your favourite knee-high black boots. You joined in the drinking festivities before Astrid checked the time and her messages then suggested you all head out to meet Kristen’s friend Mina and head towards the Sigma Eta party.
You all squeezed into a rickety, old elevator located in the middle of the hallway and headed down to the first floor of your building. As the elevator doors opened up to the lobby, Kristen broke off from the rest of the group when she spotted another girl waiting with two guys by the front doors. Kristen squealed happily and gave her a tight hug before introducing her friend to the rest of you.
Mina was a girl with short kinky blonde hair that reached just above her shoulders. She wore a white halter top with dark blue jeans accompanied by black pumps. To her left was a short, brown-haired guy with a plain, blue button-down and a pair of salmon-coloured shorts; to her right was a tall, dark-haired boy wearing an orange Hawaiian shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans.
“Good evening, fellow freshman cuties,” Mina said before gesturing to her hand to her own company, introducing them respectively. “This is Fred, and this is Jesse.”
The two boys smiled and nodded in greeting.
“Mina’s brother actually used to be in the fraternity that’s throwing the party we’re going to tonight before he graduated last year.” Kristen explained to your group.
“Yeah, Fred here is a friend of my brother’s. He was the one who told me about the party.” Mina added.
“Oh, that was really nice of you.” Astrid said, giving Fred a polite smile. He smiled back, not before eyeing her keenly up and down.
“Thought I’d introduce Mina to college life the proper way.” Fred replied cockily, patting Mina hard on the back in a brotherly fashion. Mina rolled her eyes.
“Let’s head out, chicas!” Kristen announced, beckoning your large group towards and out the front doors.
The trip to the Sigma Eta frat house wasn’t very long, but it felt like it to you at the beginning. Tara had broken off from your side when she was able to garner enough courage and nervously converse with Astrid, who was chatting back animatedly while ignoring Fred’s futile attempts to flirt with her. Kristen and Mina were enthusiastically catching up with each other, and Rebecca, who noticed Sidney’s shy and reserved demeanour, began kindly engaging her in a conversation to help her open up and get to know her. This left you to yourself for a while.
You were excited to be branching out socially and making friends, but it was difficult not to feel like you were out of your league in this rather abundant group of acquaintances. Being accustomed to smaller circles of friends and having gone through a recent ordeal with former friends, you weren’t quite sure how to politely insert yourself without seeming like a burden or nuisance.
The other guy Mina had brought along, Jesse, seemed to notice your silent predicament. He was a tall, muscular Asian man who had jet-black hair and kind eyes. You and your friends were approaching a nearby bus stop when he first spoke to you.
“So, this is your first real party, huh?”
You almost jumped, surprised that someone was speaking to you.
“Oh! Umm, yeah,” You responded sheepishly. “Is it really that obvious?”
“A little, but it’s alright,” He chuckled. “I’m Jesse, by the way. What was your name again?”
You smiled meekly as you introduced yourself.
“I’ll be sure to remember that.” He said with a friendly, assuring grin.
You weren’t sure what it was about this guy Jesse, what it was about him that made you like him instinctively. Men generally made you feel uncomfortable, and you almost never had any guy friends. But something in your gut was telling you that he was genuine, someone you could trust.
“So do you go to these kinds of frat parties a lot?” You asked in an attempt to be social.
“Sometimes,” Jesse replied. “Don’t really like this specific frat we’re going to, but I’m supposed to be helping this friend of mine link up with some guy who’ll be there. Do you smoke pot?”
“Why do you ask? Are you a cop?” You joked.
“Oh, absolutely. That is precisely why I am tagging along with a bunch of underage freshmen to a booze-filled shitty, frat party as someone who is also currently underage.” He chuckled.
You smiled at him.
“Yeah, I smoke,” You eventually replied. “I don’t really have a solid plug out here just yet though.”
“Well, my friend is a dealer and the guy we’re meeting up with tonight actually grows nearby, so we’re gonna see if my friend can work with him. She needs to procure some more fresh ‘merchandise’ or whatever.” He said, making air quotes upon saying the word ‘merchandise.’ “If you’re looking for a regular plug, I can introduce you to her later.”
“That’d be perfect, honestly,” You replied. “Don’t know how I’ll be able to get through freshman year of college without the influence of drugs.”
“Trust me, I get it,” Jesse said. “I had to make do with second-rate dealers as a freshman last year ‘cause my old dealer back home is obviously far away. Everyone around here either charges way too much or their shit is completely dry and weak.”
“Damn,” You replied. “But you think your friend’s got better connections?”
“Well, we’re going to see. But she’s real great about finding good strains and shit. Hopefully, things work out tonight.”
“I hope so too. I don’t wanna try and find another dealer out here, and then it turns out they’re creepy or something. And I trust you and your faith in your friend.”
“Yeah?” Jesse said curiously. “That’s very nice of you.”
You shrugged and gave him a warm smile.
The rest of the trip to the Sigma Eta house was much more enjoyable now that you seemed to find a friend in Jesse. You clicked instantly with him: discussing where you were both from, what your majors were, what there was to do around and outside of the campus. He even gave you tips on how to navigate college as a freshman, having gone through it himself already the previous year. It comforted you that this person you’d just met already seemed adamant about looking out for you in a friendly, platonic manner.
As your group walked down the sidewalk that led to multiple houses where other college students resided, you spotted bright, strobing lights coming from a house towards the end of the street. The sounds of loud party music and boisterous chatter grew louder the further down you ventured. You finally came up to a house where several cars were haphazardly and crookedly parked out front and an assortment of other college kids loitered around the porch, most holding red solo cups filled to the brim.
Before you all stepped foot onto the front porch of the house, Astrid suddenly stopped and turned around to face the whole group.
“Hey, can we take a quick pic of all of us attending our first-ever college party? I wanna capture the memory of getting fucked up with my new dorm besties!” She gushed excitedly.
“You know, this actually isn’t my first college party.” Kristen chuckled, but Mina nudged her in the ribs.
“You know what she means, you killjoy. Come on, let’s all take a selfie!”
All the girls gathered together and began to link arms or embrace each other around the waist or drape their arms over each other’s shoulders. You turned towards Jesse, who was texting rapidly on his phone.
“So, selfie time?” You asked him.
“Nah, you guys go ahead. I think I’m gonna go find my friend inside ‘cause I’m pretty sure she’s here already. Plus I don’t wanna get in the way of you and your friends.”
“You’re my friend too,” You asserted boldly. “Come here and get in the picture with us, new friend.”
Jesse flashed you a warm smile and relented without any further argument.
Astrid held up her phone at a 45-degree angle towards the starry, night sky, angling it so she could get the whole group in the frame (except for Fred, whom she made very little effort to include in the picture, him standing at the edge of the group and desperately trying to have his face captured as well). You and Jesse stood right next to each other, and you allowed yourself to put a hand behind his back in an almost half-hug. You let out a partly genuine smile as Astrid said “Cheese!” and snapped a few photos of your group. After she sent the pictures to you and the rest of the girls in a mass group text (which she then promptly named “Wilson Crew ❤️🔥” after the dorm you were all living in), you and your new friends finally ventured into the Sigma Eta frat house.
The deafening noise of terrible EDM and the smell of sweat that filled the thick air was almost enough to make you regret coming out. But the rest of your group tittered in anticipation, so you feigned excitement as you all ventured further into the house.
You entered the dining room where a long, wooden table had been turned into a small, makeshift beer-pong court. There were several people gathered around it, whether as spectators or players. You watched as a girl in a ponytail whooped after she effortlessly bounced a ping-pong ball onto the table and into a red solo cup on her opponent’s side. Several bystanders cheered in response as a frat guy on the other side of the table cursed in jest and promptly chugged from the cup.
“Dina!” Astrid mused excitedly, approaching the girl. She gave her a tight hug, which the girl named Dina affectionately returned.
Dina was an incredibly pretty girl with tan skin and black, wavy hair. Beneath thick, dark eyebrows were a pair of beautiful brown eyes that looked extremely warm and welcoming. Being Astrid’s roommate, it’d have been an obvious guess that she was a freshman too like the rest of you. But she exuded this air of boldness and spunk that made it seem like she was a vetted college student. You noticed that several onlookers, mostly men, had been eyeing her shiftily and curiously.
“I thought you said you weren’t coming!” Astrid scolded her playfully.
“Well, I honestly wasn’t, but a friend of mine had been trying to persuade me to come and—” Dina began before breaking off suddenly.
Her eyes had wandered towards your group of friends and fell on Jesse who was standing right next to you. The wide smile on her face faltered as her animated expression turned into one of shocked recognition. You turned towards Jesse who had suddenly gone rigid and stone-faced. You looked back at the girl Dina who blinked back to reality and began to stutter.
“I-I’m g-gonna catch up with you later, okay?” She said to Astrid before making her way towards the back of the house.
“Ah, shit,” You heard Jesse mutter under his breath. “Goddamn it.”
“You know her?” You questioned him.
“That… was my ex-girlfriend Dina. Childhood and high school sweetheart.” He explained.
“Oh, shit.” You uttered.
“Hey, I’m… I’m gonna be right back, okay?” He said to you before quickly heading towards the direction that Dina had gone in.
You watched as he left you behind with your friends who began to gossip amongst themselves curiously about the exchange that had just occurred.
You’d been standing in the kitchen by yourself for the past five minutes, attempting to finish a drink in your hand that you’d reluctantly poured from an orange cooler on the counter. After they’d downed a couple of shots, the rest of the girls had tried to convince you to come to the basement where the dancing was primarily taking place. You declined and said that you needed a minute or two, promising you’d find them later. Though it was still relatively early in the evening, you were already feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. You’d been faking plenty of smiles and forcing tight-lipped laughter all night; it was getting more tiring to feign excitement, especially now that the new friend you’d made tonight had not made a reappearance since quickly running after his ex-girlfriend.
Sighing, you refilled your red solo cup with the same unknown alcoholic contents from the cooler. You weren’t particularly enjoying the drink, completely confused as to what it was in the first place, but it was at least giving you something to do. As you continued to sip from your cup, you decided to venture towards the backyard where you figured Jesse had walked off.
Squinting past the darkness illuminated by the moonlight and the strobing lights peeking through the house’s windows, you scanned the numerous figures occupying the grassy lawn. You eventually spotted Jesse’s tall, dark silhouette after a minute or two, seeing that he was in a seemingly heated discussion with the pretty girl Dina. Deciding that this was a lover’s quarrel that you probably shouldn’t get in between, you find your tired, aching feet take you back inside the house.
You felt the temperature change back from brisk chilliness to throbbing heat from the pheromones in the musky air. Unsure of where to go, you walked back to the kitchen where you found a couple pressed up against each other in the spot you previously occupied. You grimaced at their pre-coital positioning and how they seemed to be swallowing each other’s faces before retreating from the room. Having no interest in watching the new round of beer-pong that several people had started again in the dining room, you settled for finding sanctuary elsewhere.
Finding an empty spot on a wall in the living room, you leaned up against it and took a generous sip from your cup. Though you didn’t have high expectations beforehand, the night was still going quite poorly. You cursed yourself silently for not having a sufficient social battery to socialize with your friends at the party nor enough courage to endure your overwhelming surroundings. You were contemplating whether you should rejoin the group after all in their close-quartered gyrating in the basement when you suddenly felt an invisible pull from across the room that called to you and compelled your head to instinctively turn in its direction.
Your eyes simultaneously met a pair of ocean green ones. The sounds of terrible music and overlapping chitchat immediately vanished when you saw her. You watched as her eyes scanned your face just as you scanned hers. The handsome stranger began to look you up and down before the left corner of her lips turned up in a crooked smile. Your cheeks burned in bashfulness and you tore your eyes away from her to stare at the ground and take another sip from your drink.
You felt your throat close up, your breathing hitch, and your entire body going up in flames. It felt as if someone had shot you through the chest with an arrow, aiming for and perfectly hitting where your heart was located. You felt utterly bare and naked in front of all these strangers, suddenly prey to a strange emotion that felt completely foreign to you. It was intoxicating, like you were completely wonderstruck within seconds of being in this stranger’s presence.
When you eventually felt her eyes wander elsewhere, you dared glance at her once more. She was incredibly handsome: her auburn hair partly tied up in a bun, cheeks adorned with freckles as if an angel had hand-painted them itself, broad shoulders that suggested a muscular frame underneath an old, brown motorcycle jacket she was wearing. She was sitting on this ratty old couch, manspreading in the middle as she noncommittally nodded at the people standing beside her. Her slender, long fingers were expertly wrapping a few rolling papers on the table in front of her. As she brought a joint up to her lips to lick it closed, her eyes flicked up once again to look at you. Embarrassed that you were caught shamelessly staring, you quickly focused your gaze in a different direction. From the corner of your eyes, you could see her chuckling.
The girl muttered something to her nearby companions before making her way across the room to you. Your drumming heartbeat echoed each of her steps, getting louder and louder in your chest the closer she got. You didn’t allow yourself to look her way again until she was right in front of you.
“Hey.” She said, voice rough and husky.
“Hi.” You responded, trying not to sound too flustered over this extremely attractive stranger approaching you to engage in conversation.
“You all alone tonight?” She asked.
“Not exactly,” You responded truthfully. “My friends are around here somewhere.”
“Oh?” She said, cocking her head slightly to the side as she crossed her arms.
“Yeah. I think downstairs, humping and gyrating with everyone else.” You joked.
She chuckled.
“Not your type of thing?”
“Not really,” You said. “I wasn’t in the mood tonight to get felt up by some horny frat guy trying to shove his limp-dick boner up against my ass.”
The girl let out a genuine laugh accompanied by a toothy grin.
“You’re funny.” She commented. You returned her smile with one of your own.
“Wanna come sit on the couch?” She asked. “You honestly look like you’re about to collapse at any second.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t really the best idea to wear a really nice pair of high heels to some crappy fraternity party.”
“Well, hey, they look good on you, so not a total loss.”
“Yeah?” You questioned, lifting an eyebrow.
“Yeah,” She smirked. “Anyway, come sit with me on this ugly ass couch. I promise I won’t try to shove my dick up your ass or anything.”
“Aww, you’re not? I was going to say yes, but if you’re not gonna shove your dick up my ass...” You teased boldly.
Even under the dim lights of the party, you thought you saw traces of pink appear underneath her freckles as she smiled. You felt your own cheeks burning.
“Come on, pretty girl.” She chuckled, leading you towards the sofa.
She sat back down in the middle but didn’t manspread this time to make room for you to sit comfortably next to her. Her body faced towards your direction, indicating to her companions that she was disinterested in any further conversation with them. Both your hands gripped onto your red solo cup tightly like it was your life-saving anchor. Your body tensed up from being so close to this handsome stranger whose name you didn’t even know yet.
Almost as if she read your mind, she introduced herself.
“I’m Ellie.”
You smiled nervously as you gave her your name.
“So,” She began. “You a freshman too, huh?”
“Yeah,” You hummed. “First ever college party.”
“Oh?” She said, reaching for one of her joints on the table.
“Mhmm,” You respond. “Not really as exciting as people have been making it out to be.”
“What, you’re not impressed by the repulsive smell of jungle juice and shitty trap music and the giant, sweaty orgy going on in the basement?”
“Eww,” You giggled, scrunching up your nose in disgust. “No, I wouldn’t really say that I’m impressed, exactly.”
Ellie chuckled before offering you the joint she was holding.
“You smoke?”
“Yeah, I do. But are you sure? I don’t wanna waste your weed.”
“I never mind smoking out pretty girls for free every now and again.” Ellie shrugged.
You ignored the way your heart fluttered as you placed your cup down and took the joint from her. You ignored the sudden, electric spark when you felt her skin brush against yours. You ignored how her own breathing seemed to hitch at that same moment before she pulled away from you to grab her lighter from a front pocket of her motorcycle jacket.
You placed the joint in between your lips, trying not to think about the fact that Ellie’d just sealed it a minute or two ago with her tongue. Ellie cupped her left hand around the tip while her right hand flicked on the lighter. Your eyes wandered from the budding flame to her eyes, which were already watching you. Her stare caught you off-guard that you almost forgot to inhale. You leaned away from her, both to blow the smoke in a different direction and to nervously catch your breath from how intimately close she was to you.
“So?” She inquired, reclining back and throwing her arm behind you on the back of the couch.
“Mm?” You hummed in question as you took another puff of the joint.
“How do you like the j?”
“Hmm,” You say after releasing another breath of smoke. “It’s… fine.”
“Just fine?” She asked, looking playfully offended.
“What!” You said, giggling and handing her back the joint. “It’s just a regular, old j! What else would you like me to say?”
“What, do you smoke some fancy ass weed with gold and diamonds and shit where you’re from?” Ellie chuckled.
“Sorry! I guess I’m just used to something very particular.”
“Oh, yeah?” She asked, cocking up an eyebrow, the one that you’d noticed had a slit right through it. “What do you mean by that exactly?”
“I usually lace my own js with lavender buds,” You explained. “Makes it taste better, in my opinion, and it helps me relax.”
“Really? Lavender, huh? I’ve never heard of someone doing that before.”
“A little trick I learned from an ex-girlfriend.” You clarified, pretending that you didn’t throw in that last word on purpose.
“That so?” She replied. You could have sworn that she had moved slightly closer the moment you mentioned having an ex-girlfriend.
“Mhmm. Lavender’s my favourite, but I’ve tried lacing them with other herbs and plants too.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
“I’ve done rose petals and passionflowers before. Gives them a much better flavour. Sage is good too if you wanna destress and all. And apparently, hibiscus and jasmine are, well…” Your sentence is cut short by a slightly drunken giggle emerging from your lips.
“Are what?” Ellie prompted you.
“Umm, they’re good too.”
“Good for what, exactly?”
You handed the joint back to her before responding.
“I heard that they’re supposedly good aphrodisiacs.” You nearly whispered.
Ellie smiled slyly, taking the joint back without breaking eye contact.
“Interesting” is all she says before taking a huge puff.
Whether it was the mysterious alcohol finally kicking in or the sudden presence of marijuana in your system, you felt a surge of sudden confidence flood your senses. You wanted to impress this strange girl, you wanted her to like you. And yet somehow, it feels almost as if you’d already met before.
“By the way,” Ellie began. “I really love your eye makeup. You did it yourself?”
“Thanks,” You smiled. “Yeah, I did.”
“That’s seriously fucking impressive. I’ve never been into makeup and girly shit like that, but I know it must take a fuck ton of talent to do it.”
“Nah,” You waved off before picking up your red solo cup from the table and drinking from it. “It’s really not that hard to learn. I taught myself how to do it for the most part.”
“That’s even more fucking impressive.” She stated simply. You gave her a sheepish smile before uttering another quiet thanks.
Before either of you could speak again, the guy leaning against the arm of the couch next to Ellie turned towards her.
“Yo, Williams, Chang here yet?” He asked.
“Really don’t know, man. He said he would be.”
“Damn. Call him or something.”
“Call him yourself. I’m not his mother.”
The guy tsked in irritation before returning to a conversation with his companions.
“Nice friends you got there.” You said out loud without thinking.
“We just got a mutual friend in common, that’s all,” Ellie replied, shrugging and taking another puff. “My best friend knows like, half the people who go to this school.”
You nodded in acknowledgement as she continued.
“Most people are usually disappointed that I’m not as nice as him.”
“You’re not?”
“Nah, apparently I’m ‘antagonistic’ and ‘mean’ and just really fucking rude.” She chuckled.
“Doesn’t seem like that to me.” You commented.
“Well, we just met,” She smirked. “Just wait a little while.”
“What, are you planning on being really mean to me in the future, Ellie?” You quipped.
She shrugged and you chuckled.
Both immensely absorbed in your engaging and private conversation, you weren’t quite sure exactly how long you and Ellie were sitting in that dirty living room on that ratty, old couch. You talked about the classes and professors you had in common, bonded over your shared love of music and the instruments you both played, laughed at all of the dumb and silly jokes she made.
At one point in the night, Tara emerged from the basement, all buzzed and sweaty. She scanned the living room, having been worried that she nor none of the rest of your friends had seen you since you’d all first arrived at the house. Upon spotting you sitting so intimately to Ellie, her whispering something in your ear and you boisterously laughing, Tara smiled and retreated back to the basement.
Ellie was beginning to tell you about her hometown when your conversation was suddenly interrupted by a familiar voice.
“Hey, yo, El!” You heard Jesse say from behind you.
You turned around to see a jovial expression on his face that didn’t quite meet his serious eyes. He was smiling in greeting, but it seemed like whatever occurred in the private conversation he had with the girl Dina rattled him in some way.
“Yo, Jess,” Ellie said, waving him over. “Been wondering where the fuck your ass has been this whole time, man.”
“Ahh, well, I kind of… got detained by D…” He admitted as he approached the couch before spotting you sitting next to Ellie. “Oh, shit! You guys know each other?”
“What, you don’t know that we’re lifelong best friends?” Ellie said, winking at you. You turned away as you bit your lip, attempting to hide the smile on your face and the heat rising to your cheeks.
“Now, hang on, I thought we were lifelong best friends?” Jesse gasped playfully, putting one hand on his hip and gesturing between you and him mockingly.
“Sorry dude, I claimed her already.” Ellie said, smirking.
You tried to ignore Jesse’s mumble of “greedy whore” towards Ellie in between loud, fake coughs.
“Anyway, you saw D? Are you okay?” Ellie said, her tone more serious now.
“I mean, I guess,” Jesse sighed. “Thought she wasn’t tagging along tonight, but I guess she did.”
“Sorry, man, I really thought you knew.”
“It’s cool. I was gonna end up seeing her at some point. Might wanna check up on her, though.”
“She okay?”
“I think so, but you know how she can be.”
“Where’d she run off to know?”
“I think she said that she was gonna go hang out with her roommate or something for the rest of the night.”
“I’ll text her, see where she is.”
“Oh, umm,” You said, awkwardly speaking up. “My friend Astrid is her roommate, so I think your friend Dina went downstairs to the basement.”
Both Ellie and Jesse looked slightly taken aback at your short degree of separation.
“Sorry,” You apologized as you looked down at your hands in embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to insert myself.”
“Hey,” Ellie assured, nudging your shoulder with hers. “Didn’t I just say that we’re lifelong best friends?”
You looked up at her and smiled with appreciation at her thoughtfulness.
Ellie, realizing they’d been leaving you out of their conversation, quickly filled in the blanks.
“Our other lifelong best friend Dina got dumped by this asshole joker right here a little while back. It was a bit of a messy break-up.”
“I haven’t always been the smooth and suave man that you see before you today.” Jesse quipped.
“Never have been, dumbass.” Ellie added. Jesse gave her a scowl, which she mockingly returned.
“Anyway,” She continued. “Now I’ve been stuck being the middle man for the past year or so ‘cause these two clowns don’t know how to talk about their motherfucking feelings.”
You chuckled at Ellie’s choice of words.
“I’m sure she’s okay if she’s with your friend, though. This Astrid girl nice?” Ellie inquired.
“Oh, she’s the absolute sweetest.” You affirmed.
“Well, I trust your judgment. I’ll give her some time and check up on her after.” Ellie concluded, giving you a half-smile.
It was so curious how these people you’d known only for a few hours seemed to somehow trust you so intimately and almost blindly. Besides your cousin Rafael who’s known you since birth, you’d never clicked so well with anyone else in your life. You felt a quiet warmth in your chest, feeling as if you had been soulmates with these people in a past life.
“Might as well,” Jesse said, looking down at his buzzing phone. “Eugene’s contact said he’s here. He’s out back if you still wanna talk to him.”
You suddenly felt naive, not realizing sooner that Ellie was the dealer friend Jesse had been talking to you about earlier in the evening. Her previous rolling of papers and multiple joints should have been a dead giveaway, but you were far too mesmerized by Ellie and her charm and her ocean green eyes to give much notice to your current surroundings.
“Ah, shit, I totally forgot,” Ellie cursed.
She looked at you.
“Umm, do you wanna come with? It’ll probably be boring as shit, but—”
“No, no, it’s okay,” You said, waving her off. “It sounds pretty important. Jesse was telling me earlier that you needed to meet up with him.”
Ellie turned towards him, an annoyed look on her face.
“Now, why are you going around telling my business to everyone?” She asked him.
“It’s fun.” Jesse joked. Ellie rolled her eyes.
“If, uh, you wanna stick around, this probably won’t take long. I’ll see you after?” She said guiltily. You gave her a soft smile.
“Ellie, please go ahead. I’m a big girl; I can be left alone for two seconds.”
She chuckled at your words as she stood up from her seat next to you, not before brushing her hand and her knee against yours. You wondered silently if she did so by accident.
“See you in a bit, pretty girl.” Ellie said, winking at you.
You watched as she and Jesse walked off towards the backyard of the house. Once they were out of sight, you sighed quietly.
You realized that you were all alone tonight once again, this time through no fault of your own. Not knowing what else to do, you leaned back into the sagging sofa and pulled out your phone from a pocket of your skirt. As you waited for your companions to return, you scrolled mindlessly through different social media outlets for a while until your entertainment was exhausted and eventually settled on Instagram. After a couple of minutes of looking through your friends’ stories and posts, sending likes and comments every now and again, you see something that suddenly makes your stomach drop.
Still not fully over the results of the disastrous break-up with your high school ex-girlfriend, you hadn’t unfollowed or blocked her on social media just yet. You realized in the moment what a grave mistake that was when you came across a post with several photos of her and all your former friends at some party with a couple of unknown people included. Hot tears formed in your eyes when, while swiping through the many images, you encountered one picture with your ex-girlfriend’s arms wrapped around a strange girl you didn’t recognize. Their physical intimacy and stances suggested something more than just friendship.
You suddenly felt the urge to throw up and you immediately rose from your seat in search of a nearby bathroom. Eventually, you came across a small one towards the front of the house and wrenched it open, feeling lucky that it was presently unoccupied. Leaning over the grimy sink, the feeling of nausea subdued from what you figured was a result of separating yourself from the overstimulation of the party. Still, your hands and neck felt clammy. You felt as if you couldn’t breathe, no matter how hard you inhaled and exhaled.
You raised your head up to look at yourself in the murky mirror. Thick tears threatened to fall from the corners of your eyes. Pieces of hair stuck to your forehead with nervous sweat. Lips were trembling and shakingly releasing laboured breaths.
Leaving your past behind was not as simple as you believed it could be. The past several months had been a personal hell for you, having been abandoned to be lonely and companionless by people you loved. After a messy break-up with someone who suddenly broke your heart, a result of two young, dumb kids attempting to be much more mature than they actually were, your entire friend group ended up choosing her in the aftermath. It left you completely grief-stricken and betrayed, not expecting the people you believed cared for you to cast you aside so quickly and easily.
You’d spent the entire summer after graduating high school healing and recovering from such a loss, and you’d genuinely believed that you came to your new school fully mended. But as you stood in front of a fogged-up mirror in a dingy frat house bathroom, it seemed as if you hadn’t fully overcome your emotional wounds like you thought.
You were dabbing the soggy sweat off your moist forehead when someone suddenly knocked on the bathroom door, causing you to jump.
“Oh, umm, someone’s in here!” You quickly exclaimed. The sound of the same voice you’d been listening to all evening calling out your name from behind the door had you grip the edges of the sink and freeze in place.
“Y-yeah?” You asked falteringly.
“Hey, uhh, i-it’s Ellie.”
“Oh!” You said in surprise. “Hi! Umm, I-I’ll be out in a minute!”
“Hey, uhh, are you okay?” Ellie said after a beat or two.
“Y-yeah, I’m fine!” You cried out unconvincingly.
“Can… can I come in?” She asked hesitantly.
“Oh! Umm—”
“It’s okay if you don’t want me to! If you need space—”
“No, no!” You interrupted.
You took a deep breath, threw out the damp tissue you still held in your hand, and carefully opened the door to reveal Ellie with a concerned look on her face.
“It’s a bit of a tight fit, but, uhh…” You said, stepping aside to let her in.
You backed up to make space for her and sat on the edge of the shabby-looking tub as Ellie closed the bathroom door behind her before leaning her back against it.
“How’d you know where to find me?” You inquired.
“Someone saw you come in here.” She explained.
“Oh” was all you could say in return.
There were several moments of complete silence, neither of you knowing how to start or what to say. It was you who eventually broke it out of nervousness.
“So, umm, how did it go with that guy you were talking to?” You asked awkwardly.
“Oh, uhh, good. At least, I think so. Gave me a pretty good deal and all.” Ellie replied.
You nodded in response.
“So, hey, uhh, if you need a new plug out here…” She pointed a pair of finger guns at you, to which you half-heartedly chuckled.
“Sorry,” She apologized. “I’m not really as smooth as I would like to think.”
“Don’t worry, I still think you’re plenty charming. Dorky, but charming.” You gave her a soft, affectionate smile that she returned as you saw her turn slightly pink underneath her numerous freckles.
“So, uhh, are you okay? I don’t mean to pry or anything, and you don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to—” She began to ramble.
“Ellie,” You said, chuckling. “It’s alright. I don’t mind, and you’re not prying.”
She let out a quiet sigh of relief.
“Just a bunch of bullshit in regards to my ex,” You explained. “Thought I was past it all, but…”
Ellie nodded in understanding.
“Still not over her?”
“Oh, god, no, no, I’m completely over her,” You clarified quickly. “But dealing with the outcome of it all… isn’t necessarily fun.”
“Yeah,” Ellie agreed. “I completely get it.”
You looked up at her with an expression of gratitude.
“Man, this lesbian shit is real fucking messy and complicated, huh?” She quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood. You couldn’t help but giggle at her joke.
“How’d you know that I wasn’t okay?” You asked her after a beat or two.
“The people I was with earlier said that the pretty girl I was talking to suddenly looked stressed and ran to the bathroom.” Ellie explained, shrugging. You attempted to hide your bashful smile as you felt your cheeks go hot again.
“Wanna get out of this disgusting bathroom and go smoke some more?” She asked.
You and Ellie were passing another joint back and forth again several feet away from the Sigma Eta frat house. You’d both taken shelter underneath a nearby tree, listening to the muffled bass drops of yet another bad EDM song currently playing from the frat house. The weed was calming your nerves down slightly, but you had a gut feeling that it was Ellie’s presence that was the actual cause of your peace of mind.
“Damn, I really wanna try your lavender-laced trick now.” Ellie said after taking a hit of the joint.
“I mean, it’s not really my trick. It was my ex’s idea.” You chuckled dryly as you watched her blow the smoke up towards the night sky.
“Oh, fuck that shit. I don’t know her and I know you, so it’s your recipe.” She disagreed. You laughed graciously at her argument.
“Can I ask what happened?” Ellie began, handing the joint to you. “Like, did the bitch suddenly call or text you, or…”
“Nah,” You said after a puff. “She posted something on Instagram and, I don’t know, I guess seeing evidence of her existence triggered something in me.”
“Wait, you don’t have her blocked?”
“No…” You admitted sheepishly. “I still follow her and everything…”
“What!!” Ellie exclaimed. “Why?!”
“I don’t know!” You laughed at her immediate indignation. “I just could never get myself to actually do it!”
“Alright, no more free weed for you!” Ellie proclaimed, swiftly snatching the joint out of your fingertips.
“Noooo!” You whined.
“You’re on a time-out for still keeping your stupid ex-girlfriend in your life in some kind of way!”
“Look, I like to lurk sometimes! I can’t do that if I have her blocked!” You protested, attempting to take the joint back from her.
“Oh, now you’re definitely not getting any more free weed!” Ellie said, holding the joint up and away from your reach.
“How else am I supposed to be a miserable, pathetic lesbian who needs to be sad and tragic if you don’t let me!!” You said, giving up and crossing your arms over your chest in a huff.
“Pretty girls like you should be spending their freshman year in college in their drunken whore eras, not in an ‘I’m gonna sulk over my worthless ex the whole time’ era!”
“Ugh. Yeah, I know, I know,” You sighed. “But that all sounds like so much work!”
“Alright, give me your phone.” Ellie said suddenly.
“What?” You asked, surprised. “Why?”
“Just give me!” She insisted, holding her free hand out.
You pulled out your phone from one of your skirt’s pockets and handed it over to her, eyeing her suspiciously.
“What are you up to, Ellie?” You inquired of her.
“Just hold this!” She replied, handing you the joint. “But no smoking!”
“Yes, sir!” You said with a salute before taking a quick puff.
Ellie rolled her eyes, chuckled, and had you unlock your phone before taking it back to open up your Instagram.
“Okay, what’s your ex’s name?”
“... why?” You asked skeptically.
“Just trust me!”
You squinted your eyes at her before reluctantly giving her your ex’s name and Instagram handle. As you took a generous hit of the joint, you leaned over and watched as Ellie went to your ex’s profile and blocked her.
“Ellie!!” You protested.
“This is for your own good!” She exclaimed.
“Oh god,” You laughed. “Yeah, yeah, maybe.”
“Definitely.” She asserted before typing another handle into your Instagram search bar.
“What are you doing now?” You asked dubiously.
“Replacing your ex with a hotter, much cooler person.” She explained simply before handing your phone back and taking the joint out of your hand.
You looked at your screen to see Ellie’s Instagram profile and realized she’d followed herself through your account.
“Wow. Dinosaur nerd, huh?” You said, noticing one of her posts was of her posing geekily next to a dinosaur skeleton display in some museum.
“Shut up.” She chuckled before hitting the joint.
“Well, are you gonna follow me back?” You asked.
“I don’t know, I don’t really know you that well.” Ellie shrugged.
“You dick!” You scoffed, to which she laughed. “What happened to us being lifelong best friends?”
“Calm down, calm down,” She chuckled, holding the joint between her teeth and already pulling out her phone. “Bossy.”
You felt your phone buzz with a new notification from Instagram.
“There you go,” She said, putting her phone back in her pocket. “Now we’re official lifelong besties.”
You laughed. Your affection for this incredibly handsome and charming girl that you had just met tonight was growing more and more by the second. Every time she laughed at a joke you’d make or stared at your lips a little too long or brushed her skin against yours, you wondered if you were imagining it or if she had been feeling the same spark too.
“Hey, umm,” You began. “Thank you for that.”
“Don’t have to thank me. I’m sure you would have done it eventually. At least, I hope so.” She chuckled at the last part.
“Oh, I don’t know. I honestly hold on to shit like that forever. I would have probably stayed following her ‘til I was I was fifty.”
Ellie laughed.
For the next few minutes, you told her all about the sorry tale of the break-up between you and your ex. As you and Ellie went through and finished yet another joint, she listened to you intently while she leaned against the tree you’d been standing next to. She didn’t interrupt you, aside from an occasional supportive comment or two, intent on letting you rant your pent-up frustrations out.
You hadn’t opened up to anyone else about this, apart from your cousin Rafael. It felt like you had nobody else left to trust your heart with. And yet, there was something so different and familiar about Ellie that made you feel so at home, so comfortable confiding such intimate thoughts and experiences. She happily entertained you as you confessed to her the way you’d never done before with anyone else, her face looking so sympathetic and gentle as she watched you ramble.
“Oh my fucking god,” You eventually said after a while. “I can’t believe I’ve been babbling nonstop about my bullshit, I am so sorry, I—”
You buried your face in your hands in embarrassment.
“Hey, no, no,” Ellie interrupted, pulling your hands away from your face. “None of that. Don’t apologize, please. It’s shit that you obviously have needed to get off your chest for a long time now. I don’t mind listening at all.”
“Okay, but I’m a total stranger who just trauma dumped on you like a dumbass—”
“Alright, no, you are not a dumbass,” Ellie insisted. “And lifelong best friends, remember?”
She gave you a soft smile and began to rub her thumbs against your palms, her warm touch making you tremble.
“Oh, hey, you’re shivering, here.” Ellie said, taking off her motorcycle jacket and placing it around your shoulders.
“Oh,” You said, “T-thanks, Ellie.”
“Looks really good on you.” She commented, smiling. You felt your cheeks go hot again.
“It-it’s very nice.” You said.
“Yeah, it’s my dad’s old jacket. He gave it to me when I was around 14. He used to be a delinquent and was part of some gang or something when he was younger. Rode motorcycles a lot or some shit like that. I’ll tell you more about it one of these days.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Ellie seemed to realize how close she was to your face and how intimately she was holding you. A little sheepish, she walked back a few steps to lean against the tree. She crossed her arms against her chest and, her arms now uncovered, you noticed a large tattoo covering her right forearm.
“I like your tattoo,” You commented. “What is it?”
“Oh,” She said, glancing down at her arm. “It’s a moth with some ferns around it.”
“It’s absolutely gorgeous.”
“Thanks. My ex-girlfriend did the tattoo itself, but I created the design.”
“Woah, really?”
“Yeah.” Ellie said, chuckling at your admiration.
“I know you were telling me earlier that you like to draw, but that really is something.”
“It is?” Ellie replied. You could see her blushing even under the dim glow of the moonlight.
“You’re really talented, Ellie.”
“Nah. I mean, my ex-girlfriend Cat, she did a lot of work making it look better and shit.”
“Still, it’s very impressive.” You insisted. “Do you think— Can I…?”
You extended a hesitant hand out towards her tattooed arm. She smiled warmly as she offered it to you.
“Yeah, go ahead.”
You lifted your outreached hand to trace your fingertips across the multiple leaves decorating her skin. You stared at the intricate design of the Death’s-head hawkmoth that was perched atop the ferns.
“It really suits you.” You said.
“You think so?”
“I do.”
As you continued to stroke Ellie’s tattoo, you felt electricity once again run between you two. You looked up at her to see her ocean green eyes staring at you. You’d never seen anyone look at you that way, not even your ex-girlfriend. You tried to decipher her expression when the moment was suddenly interrupted by your name being called coming from the direction of the frat house.
“There you are!” Tara exclaimed, half-jogging towards you.
“Oh, hey, Tara.” You greeted her, pulling your hands away from Ellie.
“Been looking for you everywhere.” Tara said.
“Sorry, the party was getting a little too much for me. Needed a breather.” You apologized before gesturing towards your companion. “This is Ellie, by the way. She’s Jesse’s roommate.”
“Oh, hey, nice to meet you, man.” Tara said, nodding towards her in greeting. Ellie replied with a nod of her own.
“This is Tara, my roommate.” You gestured to Tara this time.
“Nice to meet you too, dude.” Ellie repeated back to her.
“So, uhh,” Tara began. “Half the group is completely wasted, and Astrid really wants to get rid of that guy Fred who has not stopped trying to grope her all night.”
“Oh, gross. Is she alright?”
“Yeah, she’s okay. But we’re gonna order an Uber and we’re about to head home in a sec. Did you wanna come with or…”
“Oh, umm…” You turned towards Ellie.
“Go on,” Ellie replied, smiling. “I think I’m gonna go find my friend Dina.”
“I’m gonna go gather up the girls.” Tara said, pointing a thumb towards the house. “Nice to meet you again!”
“You too, man.” Ellie said as you both watched Tara walk off.
“Go ahead,” Ellie said, head motioning after Tara. “Go help your friends.”
“Are-are you sure?” You said hesitantly.
“Here, give me your phone again.” She said, holding her hand out. This time, you didn’t hesitate and unlocked it before handing it to her.
You watched as Ellie quickly typed for a few moments before placing it back in your hand. Glancing at the screen, you saw that she’d texted a new contact she’d named “Ellie 😛” with the message “hey sexy” accompanied by a winking emoji.
“Oh my god, you’re annoying.” You said, laughing.
“What, you don’t think I’m sexy?” She replied, grinning.
“Goodbye, Ellie.” You chuckled, walking away a couple of steps before suddenly stopping in your tracks.
“Oh, wait, your jacket—” You said, beginning to shrug off her old motorcycle jacket.
“No, go ahead and keep it.” She interrupted, securing it back onto your shoulders.
“Are you sure?” You asked.
“Gives you a good excuse to see my sexy ass later.” She smirked.
“Shut up,” You said, unable to hide a smile. “You are so annoying.”
“You love it.” She said, smirking once more.
As she adjusted the jacket onto you, you realized just how close she was again. You stared at her and she stared right back. There was a moment or two when you gazed into each other’s eyes, neither saying anything. You felt heat increasingly rising to your face when she suddenly brushed a piece of hair from your forehead.
You found yourself completely unwilling to leave this bubble that enclosed only you and Ellie. It was extraordinary how intimately absorbed you felt in this person you’d only seen for the first time today, how enchanted you felt by merely being in her presence. In just a few hours, she filled your mind completely with thoughts of her and only her. You prayed that this wasn’t a chance meeting but the beginning of something life-changing.
The moment was once again interrupted, this time by Jesse.
“Dude, I was—” Jesse began, but upon seeing what he’d walked in on, his sentence faltered. “Oh, shit, sorry—”
“It’s okay, Jesse,” You assured. “I gotta go, anyway.”
You turned back towards Ellie.
“I’ll, umm, see you soon?” You asked nervously.
“I hope so.” She replied, smiling softly.
You began to walk back towards the house, giving a quick goodbye to Jesse. Once you reached the front porch and before you walked through the door, you turned back to where Ellie and Jesse were standing beneath the tree.
You lifted your hand and waved at Ellie, which she returned with her own soft wave. The look on her face looked completely dazed and awestruck. You bit your lip in nervous anticipation, looking into her ocean green eyes one more time before walking into the house.
After a beat or two, Jesse finally spoke.
“Is she wearing Joel’s old jacket?”
“Shut the fuck up, Jesse.”
author's notes:
i can’t believe this is finally out!! sorry for taking so long to update this, but hopefully how long this is will make up for the time ♡︎
the "barbie heterosexual" line is a reference to a line from the iconique movie "imagine me and you" :)
reader's little spiel to tara about her dating preference is just another little love letter of mine towards masc/butch/stud lesbians. just love y'all so much, you deserve the world.
fred is named after another jackson resident in the actual game (as i've probably mentioned before, all the character names in this fic are purposeful: either named after actual characters or named after people irl). i thought it was a silly little reference for him to go after astrid cause in the games, he's barely mentioned except at one point when it's seen he was paired up with astrid for patrol at one point. i enjoy my little easter eggs :)
the descriptions of most of reader’s friends are slightly based on the physical appearances of some of my irl friends :)
i’ve discovered that i really love making these flashback chapters hehe
like i said, i’m so sorry for taking forever to update this!! my life has been an absolute shit show lately (if you’ve been keeping up with my personal ramblings on here, you know by now lol). but the next few chapters have been basically mapped out already, so hopefully it won’t take me that long to update this with the next chapter ♡︎
taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn
@uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriesxinthespring, @amitycat, @thefishymissy, @yevheniiaaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam
@elliesnumber1gf, @digit4lslut, @tayyyystan, @emothurman, @livvy-2000, @abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn, @liabadoobee, @yuckyfucky, @qtefolleunpez
@libr4sonsa, @venusluv3, @robinismywifee, @villainousbear, @ashlynnnnnnnn15, @scarlettadore, @vianna99, @g0n3girls, @totheblood, @embermdk
@awyunh, @kenz-ee, @marvelwomen-simp, @eleactric, @simpforellie, @omgidksblog, @anxiouso, @nyrastar, @lillysbigwilly, @hopeless-y
@elliesbabygirl, @alexpritch, @thestarsanctuary, @aethelwyneleigh27, @cass00x, @mulan-but-gay, @carmellie, @destielcore, @tfuuka, @elliewilliamsmissingfingerss
@sagestuffing, @ewwitsbella, @igoferalforelliewilliams, @miaelliesgfxoxo, @kissesforells, @elysiagyaru, @asteroidzzzn, @gay4jinx, @97cityy, @joliettes
@p1llowthoughtss, @ellieslegalwife, @aouiaa, @lez-zuha, @ineffablefics, @peepshake, @lil-elliesgf, @wex--12, @ccinnamongrl, @siriusblackrunmeover17
@whenlostinthedarkness, @elsbouquet
#nobody compares to you series#ellie williams#dealer!ellie#ellie x reader#ellie x you#ellie x y/n#the last of us#tlou#the last of us part 2#tlou2#ellie fanfiction#belle speaks#belle writes
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rules: make a poll of your favourite female characters (no limits on the numbers) and see which your followers like the most.
i was tagged by @tomfordjasminrogue thank you 💕🫶🏻
i’m tagging @jinhogae @usertoxicyaoi @fadeintoyou1993 @neovenoms @fadedlovemp3 @awek-s @librapropaganda
#shoutout to those whom i couldn’t fit in the poll. india stoker. ophelia. faith and buffy. audrey horne.#maeve millay. jade daniels.#marcia roy. sydney adamu. rose tyler. trinity. etc.#sookhee double whammy i just realized dvdjjfnf#poll
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Anti-Propaganda is not allowed. Please only give reasons to vote for something and not give reasons to vote against something.
Propaganda
Marlana: Alana and Margot are beautiful badass manipulative women. They meet because Alana is Margot's twin brother Mason's psychiatrist, and also Alana is trying to help Mason capture Hannibal so they can torture him. Along the way, Alana and Margot start sleeping together behind the scenes (has to be behind the scenes from Mason because he's family head and a huge homophobe but it is onscreen) and fall in love, and eventually Alana and Margot develop a plot to steal Mason's money, have a Verger heir (I'll spare you the gritty details but let's just say the Verger DNA comes from Mason, not Margot 💀), get married, (and bonus they do end up killing Mason) and live happily ever after as a badass wlw couple with their son (at least until they have to go into hiding a couple years later for Alana's safety when Hannibal breaks out of prison)
#femslash tournament#marlana#alana bloom#margot verger#hannibal#willow rosenberg#tara maclay#willow x tara#buffy the vampire slayer
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The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Friday, October 18th
XANDER: Arrr! Careful, me mateys! These be fireflies spat from a volcano off the coast of Katmandu. Arr! LITTLE BOY: You're not a real pirate! Real pirates live on boats and don't look stupid!
~~All the Way~~
[Drabbles & Short Fiction]
Unraveling by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, R)
[Chaptered Fiction]
In the Company of Witches and Slayers: Chapter 165 by VladimirHarkonnen (TheLightdancer) (Willow/Tara, E)
Book Stew! Chapter 13 by MGAllan (Michael [from Gingerbread]/Lance [from The Pack], G)
Kinktober 2024, Chapter 18 by HuonParticlesAreHarmless (Buffy/Giles, E)
Kinktober 2024, Chapter 15 by DancingAngel0013 (Buffy/Giles, E)
Painting Flowers, Chapter 2 by crowncitydreams (Buffy/Angel, T)
Birds of a Feather, Chapter 6 (complete!) by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)
Oh My Goddess, Chapter 8 by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, R)
Me and the Devil Blues, Chapter 3 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)
In Your Dreams, Chapter 4 by Geliot99 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)
[Images, Audio & Video]
Giles meme cross stitch pattern by VioletWanes (worksafe)
Wallpaper: Beauty and the Beasts by revello-drive-1630 (Buffy/Angel, worksafe)
Fanvid: Buffy and Spike | Treacherous by iCraveEdits (0)
Fanvid: Buffy and Spike | Guilty as Sin [Buffy The Vampire Slayer] by iCraveEdits (0)
Fanvid: Buffy Summers || Nobody's home by Captain Swann (0)
Fanvid: Buffy the Vampire Slayer- Anyway You Want It by juliaroxs241 (0)
Fanvid: spike & buffy - exile by Giulia Wonderwall (0)
Fanvid: Buffy+Dawn+Joyce | Phantom [BTVS] by leticia (0)
Fanvid: Buffy The Vampire Slayer | Smalltown Boy by Delenadiarixs S (Buffy movie)
Fanvid: Tara MaClay- (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)- Machine Learning by Multifandom_Fanatic (0)
Vidlet: Buffy Summers | Teen Idle (short) by ImagineDragonlords (0)
Vidlet: Buffy, Willow Xander Edit for @fire.is.catching's edit comp! by swiftie.reputation13 (0)
Video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer 6x06 voiceover | Buffy "Costumes that take over your personality” by A Pixie's Whisper (0)
Audio: Meeting Buffy At Your New School (F4A) (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) (New Student Listener X Buffy) by Violet's Audios (0)
Video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Spike you're the one Monologue) by Aria Eleutheria Aurora (0)
Music: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Theme --- Fingerstyle Guitar Cover + Free Tabs by Jacob Neufeld - The Little Strummer Boy (0)
AI Music: The Gentlemen are coming by. - reimagined by NeXuS JWF (0)
Video resource: Buffy and Oz scenepack by Scenepacks (0)
Video resource: Buffy and dawn scenepack by Scenepacks (0)
Demon design: From the Archives: Black Death Demon - Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 7 by Christopher Burdett (worksafe)
[Reviews & Recaps]
Weekly Watch-Along [October 10th-October 18th] by BPD-and-Lipstick
Video: DWR 426 Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1992 by The Dream Warrior Review Podcast
Video: Is the Buffy Movie 'Good Actually'? by Better With Bob?
Video: Thoughts On Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV Show by ramboraph4life
Video: Summary: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Season 1) by Romi Pegaro (in Spanish)
Video: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE Slayer, beyond myth, icon of strength and courage! by SerieTvRetro (in Italian)
Video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 4: Episode 9 - Something Blue by The Cheshire Kiwi
Video: The Killer in Me-Slayer Sunday by Jane Talks Buffy
Video: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Library Edition Season 8 Vol.4 Review/ Overview by Comic Swag
Video: RTFC #06 - Buffy The Vampire Slayer 7 (2007) DEEP DIVE [Features an exclusive interview with Georges Jeanty!] by Read the Freaking Comics!
Video: S4E09: Something Blue by One Girl in All the World
Podcast: Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Sarah Michelle Gellar, High school drama, and slaying by TV Pilot's License
Podcast: Episode 033 - Becoming (pt. 1) by Boys Watching Buffy (several other episodes were uploaded as well)
[Rec Search]
Does anyone have any good femslash BtVS fic recs? by acaseofthewiggins
[Fandom Discussions]
Spike sleeping on a stone slab in his coat, boots, and lil blankie by Aphony Cree
For people who think Xander deserves some sort of punishment for him going after Buffy in the Pack by confusedguytoo
The thing about vampires is they are immortal so of course they will outlive all their mortal friends by stellernorth
Does anyone else find it so weird how Dawn is treated like a little kid when she is 15, 16 years old? by suiriswhite
I can’t BELIEVE I never noticed that Spike only started calling Buffy “Buffy” to her face AFTER he realized he was in love with her by thequeenofsastiel
I was counting the names Spike called Buffy and the amount of times he used them in s6 because I was curious, and I noticed something interesting by thequeenofsastiel
The cars Angel keeps giving Spike by thequeenofsastiel
Angel is such a weird show to watch by jimbodyson
after buffy season 3, contrary to popular belief, angel becomes more morally grey and fucked up by after buffy season 3, contrary to popular belief, angel becomes more morally grey and fucked up
Basically i want the way Buffy is sweet to Spike in season 7 to transfer to season 4 starved and tortured Spike by skyegraves21
Scoobtober: Best Weapon in the Buffyverse? by Plasma
The impact of loss and trauma on Angel's outlook continued by Lostsoul666 and Stoney
Double Entendres by Technical_Juice_6959
The Shanshu prophecy by moses616
Best Acting Performance in Angel by Troyaferd
How was the dagger of the beast made? by Nikstar112
Do they ruin willow’s arc? by Ijustliketodraww
Angel Season 5 Poster by authenticriver
I love Anya by ClutchPencilQuadRule
Did Giles just become sexier post-Season 3? by Personal_Reward_60
Was there a moment in the show where you thought to yourself ‘I did not expect this?’ by DarkCryptt
If you had the money or the power by Vixen22213
Rewatching Hells Bells… by erulisseh
Help with this Angel art by midwest_manic
Missed opportunities by CoasterTrax
Prom by moses616
Someone finally does what we were all thinking 😆 (S3 E1) by ghostrider1938
Real time Buffy/Spike Reactions by Adventurous_Grand878
What are some interesting motifs, references, or metaphors you've found in the show that not a lot of fans catch? by Deep_Ad_2691
Buffy is BRUTAL with killing people off it makes it more realistic in a sense by hatchbackkk
this was PAINFUL [Buffy cutting her hair in Gone] by hatchbackkk
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Though now that I think about it:
There really is a stealth foil people have been missing for a while with Tara Maclay and Amy Madison. Two people who have a very specific familial background of magic. Two people who get bodyjacked in specific ways, Amy by Catherine, Tara by Glory.
Two people whose lives are permanently marked by Willow Rosenberg's growing power in magic and in different ways to the negative. Tara in the end is mentally and emotionally abused by Willow who well, goes into lines of SA, too in canon and that is a reality that very much does happen and has to be faced. Amy turns herself into a rat, gets stuck as a rat, and is a key part of the corruption arc Willow goes through in Season 6 even if Season 7 junked the magic arc.
Both Tara and Amy are products of emotionally abusive backgrounds with the difference that it's Amy's mother who's the abuser and Tara's mother who was the ideal parent who died for unexplained reasons in canon (which can either be her father murdering her or illness, depending). Both Tara and Amy are fully aware all along the supernatural exists, it crashes into Willow when a vampire picks her up in the Bronze and prior to that she had no idea it existed at all.
Ultimately Tara and Amy, with Willow, form the three faces of magic. Tara is the Good Witch, Amy the Bad Witch, Willow the When She's good She's Very Good and When She's Bad She's Horrid Witch or more precisely the morally neutral/grey witch. Any and all views of what abuse did and didn't do with power and the wielding of power for Amy and Willow should factor in that for Tara it didn't do any of this. She too was abused, but she controls her power, rather than becoming a standard evil witch archetype or living the 'if you have powers the ideal is that you control them, not they control you' arc that Willow does.
And yet you don't see a lot of use of Tara and Amy as foils and it's a reason Amy could work just as well as a villain for Tara as for Willow, especially if Tara survived. It'd be the sense of 'she also survived bad things but if she's good, then my inevitable destiny is a set of bad personal choices and rather than risking even that prospect BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD.'
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name ⏤ lorraine vaughn . species ⏤ oracle . age ⏤ twenty - five . nicknames ⏤ rainey , lori , lor . zodiac sign ⏤ cancer . gender + pronouns + orientation ⏤ cis woman + she / her + pansexual . inspired characters ⏤ piper halliwell , lana lang , kenzi malikov , angela montenegro , ashley marin , caroline forbes , gwen pendragon , alice cullen , tara maclay .
rainey ( and please call her rainey , she has never felt like a lorraine ) has spent most of her life avoiding looking in the corners of rooms . her mother was doing it all on her own , raising a little girl on a dental hygienist salary in blue ridge , georgia . mama always told her stories of grandma lorraina , who she had been named after , a tough old cookie that had made her money speaking to the dead and telling the future in new orleans . she had her own fortune teller shop and everything , but mama didn't believe in all that hocus pocus , not even when grandma died . so rainey decided she wouldn't believe in it either , not even when grandma sat at the end of her bed while she watched her daughter and granddaughter read a bedtime story together
she got very good at pretending like she couldn't see it all coming , shrugging when people asked why she wasn't as surprised that a neighbor died . instead , rainey focused on being as normal as possible , even though she could hear that neighbor sniffling at the back of their own funeral . she played piano because mama signed her up , she played on the playground with her friends , and turned off the tv when ghost whisperer came on because it hit a little too close to home .
she had an aunt that mama didn't talk to , one that apparently did believe in the same ol' hocus pocus and when little rainey's mama met a nice man named bill who had his own boat but no kids , mama sent her to go stay with aunt ingrid for the summer . portum opened itself up to her and suddenly , she didn't have to hide the weird side of her anymore . everyone was weird . rainey could finally just breathe .
eventually , summer ended and aunt ingrid had to bring her back to blue ridge but rainey suddenly hated the mundane of her world . she couldn't ignore the dark corners of the room anymore . and bill never wanted to come over when rainey was there which annoyed mama . so rainey proposed that she move in with aunt ingrid full time - she'd visit for christmas and a couple weeks in the summer . it was a shockingly mature decision for an eleven year old to make but she did it happily . soon enough , she had her things packed and was living in portum full time .
rainey has been here ever since , graduating from portum high , taking online college courses and getting an associates in botany . she likes her peaceful life in portum , where she doesn't feel like she has to hide anything about how she sees the world . she can make eye contact with the ghosts in the room because she's not afraid of someone calling her a freak , like they do so many others . she can even say hi to grandma every once in a while .
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Based on your recent answer about why you watch BL in which you mentioned many narratives like to punish lesbians with death, I wanted to prompt you to speak on that a bit more if you're willing. I will wait here chin in hands for when/if this is interesting to you because it's a bugbear of mine and I'd love to read your thoughts!
Hello Twiggy! (can I call you that? What should we shorten your url to? t-t?)
Anyway, I would be happy to speak more on that!
To establish my lens, I am a Westerner, I grew up with no queer elders, and did not really realize I was queer until after I graduated college, so my experience with queer media was limited at best. I know there are films and television out there where the sapphics live, and there are films and televisions where I am completely fine with a queer character dying. I am not a “if any queer character dies they are burying the gays!” kind of person.
Now, I’ll admit that when I wrote that in my answer, I was mostly saying it based on knowledge of the tumblr discourse I’ve observed over the past decade I have been on this fucking website. In other words, I didn’t know the full extent of the issue, because to be perfectly honest, despite the absurd amount of television I do watch, seeing queer women in my shows has been few and far between. I don’t think I saw a girl kiss another girl until I stumbled upon the YouTube web-series Carmilla in high school. SO, your ask required me to do a little bit more research.
Here is a link to an article listing 230 dead lesbian and bisexual characters and their causes of death which include toxic envelope glue in Seinfeld??? The list is so long that the article is split up in to FOUR PAGES!
Here are a couple of names from shows I either have seen or recognize:
Tara Maclay in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lexa in The 100
Tosha in The Wire
Poussey in Orange is the New Black (which I will absolutely never forgive this show for)
Toshiko Sato in Torchwood
June Stahl in Sons of Anarchy
Patty O’Farrel and Veronica Cortes in La Reina del Sur
Jamilah Olsen in Black Lightining
Dani in The Haunting of Bly Manor
I do not want to count how many times I have seen the words “died in her girlfriends arms” in this list, and I’m only a page and a half in. I do not want to count how many times I have read “Cause of Death: shot/stabbed/blown up/murdered/throat slit” I have seen three separate queer women from True Blood on this list, three separate queer women from Boardwalk Empire, four from Orange is the New Black, four from Killing Eve. The cause of death for a character named Emily in Teen Wolf is five lines long. We know how Supernatural is about killing women and killing queers, and killing queer women (there are three on this list I’ve seen so far). And there are some truly convoluted deaths in here, and unsurprising a number of the most fucked up ones are…you guessed it, committed against queer women of color.
And there are plenty on this list from like…American Horror Story, or like Scream, or you know other shows with very obvious ‘this is kind of an everyone dies’ situation. Like I’m not surprised if multiple queer characters from The Walking Dead die, I’m not going to hold it against the television show Spartacus for killing a bisexual woman in the final battle where everybody dies. (I will blame them for systematically killing off any and all interesting, complex female characters until we were left with almost nothing, when we had such good ones in Season 1). I do not see Dani dying at the end of Haunting of Bly Manor to be a ‘Bury Your Gays” situation in the least.
And I am a lot more prone to being comfortable with a queer character dying if there are other queer characters in the story, as long as they don’t all die, you know what I mean?
Hell, even in shows written and/or performed by queer people where at the end everyone lives, they’ll still sometimes kill (and then resurrect) the characters. Laura in Carmilla for instance.
According to a study by LGBT Fans Deserve Better, 62 lesbian and bisexual female characters had died over the past two seasons of television (at the time, which I think was like 2014-2016) and the 2015-2016 year saw the highest number of deaths of queer women in one season of television (42 characters accounting fro 10% of all deaths for scripted television shows that season)
In 2016, a GLAAD analysis was published stating “25 lesbian and bisexual female-identifying characters have died on scripted broadcast and cable television and streaming series since the beginning of 2016” and went on to say that most of those deaths were used to further the plot of the often cishet main character, and violent death was the most repeated ending for queer women in media.
Looking further back in time, the Hays Code of 1930, which had major influence over United States television, did not allow for positive portrayals of queerness. And those impacts linger for far longer than those rules were put in place. I’m thinking of the very obviously queer coded lobster person in PowerPuff girls (which was one of my childhood shows) named HIM who was the personification of evil. Ursula in The Little Mermaid being inspired by a drag queen. [And it is here I will put an aside to say, I love queer coded villains, I think the person that made most of DIsney’s villains in like my generation of Disney films was queer himself, yada yada I’m covering my ass from anyone who wants to engage with this post in bad faith blah blah].
Hell, I’ve seen one GL out of Thailand, which was GAP the Series and even they killed off another queer female character and made Sam suffer abuse at the hands of her grandmother. I’ve heard about how The Shipper treated its lesbians.
The TL;DR version of this is that, for a very long time in (at least Western) television, a sapphic existed in a narrative, and a sapphic died, often violently, often in their lover’s arms. And thanks to studies like the one by LGBT Fans Deserve Better, these disparities were made glaringly obvious, and rates of lesbian death in shows has been going down since 2016.
#bury your gays#powerpuff girls#the 100#orange is the new black#the wire#supernatural#carmilla#spartacus#buffy the vampire slayer#haunting of bly manor#killing eve#la reina del sur
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I just get so frustrated when people bring up, bury your gays about Izzy, when that usually should apply to people like Tara Maclay, who was written purely to die!! Like there's so many actual examples, you don't need to have the little nasty rat man being an example. Because he's not. Also, while I'm at it did they really have to ruin WeeJohn's scene with fucking Izzy singing Jesus Christ can't you have someone else singing? I want to focus on Wee John I actually fucking like him.
LMAO ANON YOU ARE LIVING IN MY BRAIN my biggest annoyance about Izzy singing is that I was like "now i KNOW this little man didn't interrupt calisto's entrance!!!!!!" i was so mad. what the fuck. let Wee John have his MOMENT, the biggest moment possible! who let that stale bastard interrupt. who wrote that.
but yeah for real bury your gays has actual real instances. izzy is just a gay(?) guy who was killed. he wasn't doing anything gay when he died, he wasn't killed for being gay, he just was gay while dying. izzy fans should have considered not falling in love with someone with so many death flags.
#the izcourse#izzy critical#fandom fuckery#ofmd#ofmd s2 spoilers#tagging so my friends who are avoiding spoilers can hide~
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happy tara maclay day !!!!!
hii so i just suddenly remembered that today is october 16th aka tara maclay's birthday!! so happy birthday to my favourite fictional character ever, here's a little very rushed and very unofficial essay for you <3
so i already knew about her and her unfortunate fate since way back in season 3; i looked at a website about willow's best fashion looks, and her second from the top (before vampire willow ofc) was her and tara's look in once more with feeling. it said in the description, "lets just ignore what happened in seeing red" and ofc my curiosity took me to the buffy wikipedia synopsis, telling me all about her death. so that wasnt the best start.
but i fell in love with her just like willow did. i squealed during new moon rising when she confessed and blew the candle out. i melted during family when they danced together (on her birthday just like today!!). i cried at their first fight in tough love. i sobbed at the end of tabula rasa when tara left. i was so so hopeful at the end of entropy (i even wrote a fanfic on it that yall should defs check out). and i sobbed for hours. hours. after seeing red.
i loved her little friendship with dawn, with anya, with buffy, with everyone.
the way her character has changed me and made me realise things about myself is something that no other character has done.
her and willow made me realise that i was in fact NOT bi and actually lesbian. her sweet demeanour made me into a kinder person, although a bit more of a pushover. i loved her so much that i began to almost love myself. because i realised that there were parts of me that i had in common with tara. and i began to love them.
i became so so so in love with her. i watched every amber benson interview. i bought every piece of buffy merch because she made me love buffy. i bought the buffy tarot deck because i thought maybe she would be proud of me if i tried witchcraft.
she became a part of me. profile pictures, tumblr urls. i cant even explain how much i love her.
and then with the new audiobook im falling back in love with evil tara… her little evil laugh and her low voice is so aaahhhhhh. and her and drusilla make the cutest power couple.
she deserved more than to be shot dead by warren mears. she deserved the world. she deserved better than how willow treated her in early season 6. she deserved everything sweet and kind and beautiful in the world.
basically in conclusion she is a perfect angel who can do no wrong and if you say one bad thing about her i will come for you grr
no but all jokes aside, she means so much to me. truly. i havent finished the audiobook yet but i hope tara and willow are living in a mystical house in the woods into their old age with lots of cats.
i love her.
<3
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