#talking about this makes e cry
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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everytime i actually open up sdv to play i get flashbanged with sebastian's white ass sprites because i always forget not everyone sees him as wasian💔 my current hc for him is half chinese (liable to change... but ik for sure he's half asian) but he is Not bilingual he can't rly speak or write the other language he can only understand it when listening but even then he's not very fluent LOL this is just turning into a sebastian hc post might as well go full out. to me sebastian Does have relationship experience but has been thru shitty ones in the past which is part of the reason why he's so pessimistic & brooding </3 and he'd hook up with ppl in zuzu city for a night for a while but it just made him feel shittier so he's stopped since ☝️ also people make him out to be way cooler than he actually is like yea sure he's kinda cool but he's also a Massive Loser especially when he tells you how he hates "seasonal fads" like pumpkin spice and that one line about the potluck soup where he's like "Why ruin the potluck? Hmm... I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird.” WHO ASKED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his ass also can NOT cook he can make spaghetti but it's mid. he probably has low ass stamina and yeah he's tall and lanky (rn i see him as around 5'9-5'10) but you could snap him in half over your knee. when he's in an actually healthy relationship he gets really flustered over certain romantic gestures cuz he's not used to feeling valued or being considered someone's #1. he picks up on little things and does acts of service but i also think he can be really callous and insensitive at times because while he can be pretty perceptive he is also Very Emotionally Stunted. he unlearns lots of unhealthy behaviors & mindsets with the help of his partner & family & friends ^__^
#i almost popped a vein trying not to mention rowan in all of this so this post is more. consumable i guess#but rowan to me is soooooo perfect for him to me because rowan's whole thing is empathy and warmth#where it's a strength but also a weakness for him because he's also a chronic people pleaser and a doormat#out of the need he feels to make people feel valued which is a good thing but not when its to the point of self negligence#rowan gives rly good advice but overburdens himself cuz he feels responsible for ppl&doesnt give himself the same treatment he gives others#when he's with sebastian he helps him feel valued and sebastian learns to trust people more and not to immediately assume the worst of ppl#and seb is sooooooo perfect for rowan bc seb is vocal about what he dislikes and when hes not happy w something/one#and is good at setting boundaries whereas rowan is Not. he helps rowan learn how to say no to ppl and be more assertive#& think abt his own feelings more! they both help e/o vocalize their feelings#for rowan its vocalizing his opinions more and valuing himself more & for seb its vocalizing more for the sake of better communication#w other ppl so he can establish better trust & relations w ppl. and stop being so closed off/unapproachable LOL#their differences match up well but it also leads to arguments/tension cuz seb doesnt communicate and resorts to avoidance#and rowan is too pliant sometimes to the point where it hurts not just himself but the ppl around him including seb#also fun fact rowan is the type to cry when he gets really angry/upset & when seb resorts to avoidance instead of reassurance#(which is what rowan wants) rowan sometimes ends up catastrophizing & also bottles up his emotions similarly to seb#they always reconcile in the end tho even if it takes a while </3 they r both learning ok!!!!!!!!#not perfect to the point where they dont argue bc thats Impossible but they suit each other well. they r good for each other qwq#eon babbles#stardew valley#farmer rowan#<- i talk about him in tags. hehehe
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series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:
#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate#so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou#i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh#compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol#i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig#my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa#i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you#tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao#so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol#but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though#either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane#i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee
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My granddad died today, I feel so fucking broken, he was one of the kindest men I knew and always taught us to love and accept people... the only positive thing is that he is now back with my nan and uncle who I knew he missed dearly
#i'm so broken#i was going to see him this weekend because we knew it would be soon#people always die around birthdays that's why they make me so anxious#i can't stop crying#i'll miss him so much talking about his TV shows and his stutter which i also have#his red hair and chatting about being irish#he was 77 so he lived a long life none of the men in his family lived past 60 so he beat the odds on that#this week has been too much i want it to finish i want 2024 to fucking finish rn#i wish he lived longer i wish he got to see his great grandchildren to grow up#this is the second grandparent to die around my birthday exactly 18 years ago my dad's dad died#8th June is the worst day for me#i want to take up and everything is a dream and i'm 10 years old again#he survived so much so many illnesses falls and so much heart break#i can't put into words how broken i feel#i used to help my nan and granddad round the house with cleaning and shopping#I want to fucking d*e#tw death#tw family death
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it has been a long day but. finally home 🧎♀️
#hvaña#i am being put on new meds for thyroid (yay?) and being referred to a psychologist (reaction pending. much trepidation)#because of some stuff i said in the follow up. which i dont know if i was clear about getting my point across but w/e i guess#minor mother daughter communication mishap/event happened and i DID cry but we're fine now#also had to visit my grandma which went ok. she was not racist to my mom this time so i consider that a win#her nurse told me she expects me to come around more now that i can drive (sigh)#but the craziest part is that i was besties with her niece in grade school and we haven't talked in years#and she apparently asked how i was doing. which makes me feel a little o.o but its not bad yk#idk how to explain to people my current position in life because that requires Backstory but i skirted it. this time.#ANYWAY. we are home now. yippee!
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JFDSJFLDSKJF LUME HAVE I EvER MENTIONED STRAIGHT UP HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON I ACTIVELY FOLLOWED AFTER MY FEW DaYS ON TUMBLR AND I WAS SO SCARED TO ASK TO BE YOUR MOOTIE BUT YOU WERE SO NICE AND I AM STILL TO THIS DAY SO HAPPY WHENEVER I GET A NOTIF SAYING THAT yOUVE SAID SOMETHING COMPLETLEY UNHEARD OF ABySYmAL IMPROBABLE AND PROBABLY SOCIALLY UNNACEPTABLE BUT I STILL LVOE YOU BECAUSE YOURE JUST BEING A SILLY GOOSE AND WE ARE ALL SILLY GOOSES ?!?!
this made me have the biggest smile ever and the day hasn’t even started yet.. that’s something. basically i just woke up and smiled really big :) it’s a good feeling but ahem. this’ll be quite long so bear with me.
MELONNNN MY SWEET FELLOW (NORMAL) XIAO SIMP LOVER I LOVE YOU TOO SOSOSOSO MUCH I’M SUPER GLAD I WAS THE FIRST PERSON YOU ACTIVELY FOLLOW WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED HERE!! DON’T EVER BE SCARED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING, POP IN MY INBOX, OR WHATEVER ELSE BECAUSE INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE IS MY FORTE (NOT IRL THOUGH THAT’S A GIVEN BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN)
I LOVE MAKING NEW MUTUALS SO NOOOO DON’T BE SCARED TO ASK IF YOU WANT TO BE MUTUALS WITH ME THIS GOES FOR ANYONE TOO BECAUSE I LIKE MEETING NEW PEOPLE HERE REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY STAND IN THEIR PLATFORM <3 JUST PICKING MUTUALS UP TO BE ONE OF MY CHILDREN PLATONICALLY BECAUSE SOME SEE ME AS A PARENTAL FIGURE (MAKES SENSE BECAUSE I’M OLD AND WRINKLING ALREADY MY INTELLIGENCE LEVELS ARE ACTIVELY DROPPING) OR JUST GOOD FRIENDS TO MESS AROUND WITH AND HAVE A GOOD TIME I SUPPOSE, SEE ME AS A PARENT, COOL, A NICE FRIEND, COOL, A TALENTED WRITER EVEN THOUGH I RARELY WRITE NOW, SURE YEAH, A CRAZY PERSON, FAIR, AND MORE
TO HEAR THAT I’M NICE AND ALL THAT JAZZ ESPECIALLY SEEING THAT PEOPLE ARE COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH JUST A FEW WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH MAKES ME HAPPY AND GIDDY INSIDE THIS IS SOMETHING I REALLY NEED TO HEAR, ESPECIALLY THIS ASK, SO THANK YOU MAN!! I’M NICE I DON’T BITE I PROMISE THOSE WHO KNOW ME CAN VOUCH
IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN DURING YOUR TIME HERE BECAUSE I REMEMBER YOUR BLOG BEING GREEN AND CUTE AND ALL THAT! AND YOUR BLOG IS MORE ORGANIZED (MORE ORGANIZED THAN ME THAT’S FOR SURE) AND PRETTY AND COLORFUL AND YOUR WORKS GETTING A FEW NOTES BUT NOW YOU’RE GETTING THOUSANDS!! WHICH IS VERY MUCH DESERVED!!! LOVE YOUR WORK!!!! I FEEL LIKE A PROUD PARENT/MOM/DAD NGL IT BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYE TO SEE MUTUALS GETTING THE LOVE AND ATTENTION THEY DESERVE FOR THEIR TALENTS
I KNOW I SAY THE MOST WILDEST, SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE, UNHEARD OF AND OTHER BIG WORDS THINGS AT TIMES (we love being silly) AND TO SEE SOMEONE BEING HAPPY OVER THEM IS JUST FHAHFHSGSDHSH???? WOOO SOMEONE ENJOYS SEEING ME BEING GOOFY AND OVERALL A MENACE TO SOCIETY LET’S GOOO
WE’RE ALL JUST SILLY GOOSES YOU’RE RIGHT, IT’S THAT NICE FEELING OF SILLINESS THAT YOU CAN’T SEEM TO GET RID OF (IT HAS TAKEN OVER ME AS YOU CAN SEE)
ALSO I SEE THAT YOU WERE STUDYING THE OTHER DAY AND STRESSING OUT GOING APESHIT ABOUT IT I WOULD’VE MADE THAT COMMENT LONGER HAD I NOT BEEN IN SCHOOL AND THAT DUMBASS CHARACTER LIMIT (WOW LOOK AT ME BEING SNEAKY WITH IT, DON’T TRY THIS GUYS UNLESS YOUR SCHOOL IS CHILL) SO I CAN SAY IT HERE!!! #LUMESTUDYTIPSFRFR ANYONE CAN USE THEM
IF YOU’RE STUDYING, TAKE BREAKS FOR LIKE 10 OR 30 MINUTES MAX BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I DO WHEN I STUDY FOR SO LONG! DON’TTT EVER STUDY FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME WITHOUT BREAKS THAT’LL HURT YOU A LOT (TAKE IT FROM ME, DON’T DO THAT IT’S BAD. 2020 ME WAS STUPID)
EAT A LITTLE SNACK BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN AND STOMACH NEEDS SOME FOOD TO FEED OFF OF TO FUNCTION, A DRINK TO HYDRATE FROM IT CAN BE WATER JUICE OR WHATEVER AS LONG AS IT MAKES YOU HAPPY! MAYBE EVEN PLAY SOME LOFI OR A STUDY PLAYLIST IN THE BACKGROUND FOR A COMFORTING VIBE :3 IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING ON THE MATERIAL THERE ARE VIDEOS OUT THERE, INTERNET IS YOUR BEST FRIEND IN STUFF LIKE THIS, MY GO-TO IS ORGANIC CHEMISTRY TUTOR AND BRAINLY!
OH AND SLEEP. I KNOW PEOPLE SAY STUFF LIKE ‘haha i’m not sleeping this exam is important’ BUT NO. SLEEP IS ESSENTIAL AND LOSING THAT SAID AMOUNT OF SLEEP COULD AFFECT YOUR WORK ETHIC THE NEXT DAY, I DID THAT ONE TIME AND MAN WAS I OUT, SO GET SOME AMOUNT OF SLEEP IF YOU’RE ABLE TO IS WHAT I’M SAYING. IF IT’S A REALLY SERIOUS EXAM THAT YOU INSIST YOU HAVE TO STAY UP FOR THEN I USUALLY TAKE A NAP AS SOON AS I GET HOME IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT TIME. THEN AGAIN, WHAT TIME YOU SLEEP IS THE TIME YOU SLEEP AND I CAN’T CONTROL THAT, I WAS JUST A LITTLE WORRIED IS ALL
SO UH YEAH THAT’S ALL I WANTED TO SAY IN THAT COMMENT! (IF YOU WERE WILLING TO READ ALL OF THAT LMFOSJFIE I WOULD WRITE MORE BUT I WON’T BORE YOU OUT AND SOUND LIKE A NERD) I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY AND AFTER THAT AND AFTER THAT AND WHENEVER THE DAYS PASS BECAUSE IT’LL GET REPETITIVE AND HAVE I WISH YOU A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF GOOD LUCK (YES YOU GET TO HAVE A SHIT TON OF LUCK NOW BECAUSE I BLESSED YOU NOW SO ENJOY THAT, I’M APPARENTLY THE EMBODIMENT OF GACHA LUCK AND NORMAL LUCK SO YEAH YOU’RE VERY WELCOME) LOVE YOU MAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF 🫶✨
#📬 lume answers#💛 lumes mutuals#🤍; melon!#finally answering asks here since like??? months???? but anyways onto the w h o l e s o m e#you don’t understand how much i needed to hear that#makes me cry irl tbh but in a good way#(it did make me shed a little tear but HFHDHF)#I LOVE YOU MELONNNNN#SO MUCHHHHH#MWAH MWAH MWAHHHH#AGAIN PLEASE DON’T BE AFRAID TO TALK TO ME ABOUT WHATEVER#EVEN IF I SEEM LIKE I DON’T CARE OR DRY AF I GENUINELY LOVE PEOPLE TALKING TO ME OR RAMBLING ABOUT ANYTHING#ALSO MELON IF YOU SEE THIS IT HAS BEEN MONTHS LAST TIME YOU ASKED BUT YOU CAN HAVE MY DISCORD IF YOU NEED IT#<- IF YOU WANT OF COURSE I’LL DM IT TO YOU BECAUSE I’M COMFORTABLE IN SHARING IT AFTER THESE MANY MONTHS#(WE LOVE REGAINING TRUST AGAIN)#AAAAA THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND#A FEW WORDS SIMILAR TO THIS CAN AND WILL MAKE A PERSON’S DAY (TRUST)
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nah man I get hancock I really do if I had to pick a single man in the whole history of the world to fall for I'd pick luffy too, who are we kidding
#i love kuja island its a cool spin on the amazon myth and all the designs for the girls are extremely fun#i wish luffy had spent more active on screen time there the girls are fun#also i never spent too long thinking about it but it makes sense kuma would send him there#since he was trying to hide him and that's like#the only island that's completely off limits for anyone who's not a resident#smart thinking !#also during the fight with the sisters they talk about conqueror haki and i thought about how zoro has it and#UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he loves luffy so much!!! HE LOVES LUFFY SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!#it's LITERALLY in his very nature to stand at the top and follow noone and he still loves luffy so much he'd follow him to hell#he said so!!! on page!!!!! he would!!!!!!!!!#they repeat it a whole lot during the manga too#how a man like zoro could be a captain himself#how it's weird there's someone above him#he loves luffy so much he goes against everything anyone would expect of him to stay by him....... p l e a s e 😭😭😭#on a slightly unrelated not just before being sent away nami looks at luffy and Cries and Asks for Help and luffy can't save her and I just#AUUUGHHHHH the callback!!! to her arc!!!!! and how while he tries to get back on the sea luffy thinks about her specifically!!!!!!#FUCK!!!!!!!#I'm fine I'm normal I'm not crying about something i first read 14 years ago what are you talking about hahahahaha
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think it's been hitting me just exactly how unstable my housing and work situations are even if theyre good right now and im like. fuck i knew but my brain is Absorbing the Knoweledge it's been hiding for years
#my partner and i have been looking for a place together since JUNE#we're both govt union jobs technically#and cant find a 2 bdrm in the city we work in that allows pets for our budget#thats it thats literally the big complications is we need 2bdrm bc nonmonog#i have a cat#and we need to stay in our city bc of our jobs#its makin me wanna die something fierce#im not doing super well like im ok im making a lotta art and stuffs#and im good at my job and im paying rent on time and shit#but like fuck im almost 30 and we had to have a talk#about whether or not having an OVEN in the suite we want to rent is a deal breaker#for 2200 a month would we accept NO OVEN#it feels horrific i wanna cry N E WAY#2 new chapbooks and 5 new songs#so we;re winning actually#life and times
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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and is there not just generally a certain level of decency that would make you like ease up on a person who's obviously more than a little frazzled i am sorry that i cant process all my feelings and regurgitate them to you in an easily digestible manner while im actively In a situation or have a prepared disclaimer about how im so sorry but im just overwhelmed and need you to leave me alone right now or whatever else maybe i just dont know maybe i cant tell you exactly what im feeling or need and if i have to figure it out and explain that to you my brain is going to explode. but you could read the room. is there not a point where a friend would probably just go oh okay let me not continue pushing this person let me take a moment to reflect on their state and perhaps try to ease that or at least not keep fucking pushing on it. and also maybe not choose these moments to make otherwise innocuous but contextually just kinda meanspirited jabs. ok whatever
#not to be a sensitive little bitch except im not.#i dont want to be rude or too explicitly open about the things i dont really like to talk about#but sometimes. frankly. people need to take on the weight of their own feelings. insecurities. thoughts. etc and then some#some of us grew up with little to no emotional support and in fact took on the weight of their family's issues and the brunt of their#emotional immaturity and sometimes that makes someone feel fundamentally rattled and unsafe in moments like that#some of us had pretty much every big personal emotional. thing. that happened to them minimized and turned into some tragic#family conversation. or had someone reply like huh idk if that could have happened to you i certainly dont remember that#and then you wonder if people were ever looking out for you and if the ones that did just truly didnt care.#um. anyway. this is not just to be like oh im so quirky and different and traumatized lol but im reaching a boiling point when it comes#to people just like. doing this shit. or whatever. im going to start screaming#i shouldnt have to bare my fucking soul to you for you to go oh huh maybe this is a sensitive subject perhaps#frankly we arent the same and we dont relate and aw bummerooni ik im not the only sufferer but good god.#our lives were very different in some ways!#and sometimes all i want is for someone to say its ok kid you did good#again. not to be dramatic. but when ive talked about MY upheaval of feelings or w/e like if thats been impacting#how ive been acting and people start crying at me or get all whatever. oh it makes me wanna be the one to pass the torch#yeah man imagine how tired we are.#ok talking incoherently now so im gonna go do my job i guess.#abby talks#i know no one will save me but maybe sometimes it’d be nice to share the weight regardless
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There are fandoms where i love to check other people's opinions about it and there are others where i absolutelly hate the 99% of the takes and interpretations and i only care about what my friends think
#i usually make friends in fandoms but there are some that like 0 friendship 0 bonding i dont want to talk about it with any of you people#the stuff i love or loved but do not enjoy most of the fandom is indeed the umbreIIa academy and vvhat vve do in th e shadows#vs umineko and when they cry fandom my beloved even when i just lurk i just read very interesting takes#in general#or fun interpretations#some day i will do a tier list of fandoms i have been in#talks and stuff
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every single fictional character i like should split and have mood swings like me. "ohhhhh but it's not canotical" "ohh they have good control over their emotions and stable views on the world" i don't fucking care. i see cq in his fake desert i see klavier's control dialogue i see dahlia and her serial murders and komaeda and the gun literally fuck with me right now. we need to stop being cowards about our fictional character headcanons i think everyone should kill people always because i can't
#neg#omg am i having an episode right now is this episode coded is that what we're doing oh my God should we tell all your friends#should we call the president oh my God mare is having an episode right now guys don't freak but it's finally happening aaaahhh#we've been waiting forever but our queen's finally back she's having an episode oh my God we stan like crazy oh my God i'm calling everyone#can we have a cake at the episode tell me we're having cake at the episode i'm buying a cake it's official girls oh my God AAAH#she's so crazy LOVEEE her. oh my God!!!#anyway i think my blond bitch rockstar fave should get to kill the titular character!#sorry i hate the fucking name censoring in tags i'm trying to ween off of it cause it's like not accessible tee bee aych#but like i need to speak my truth so we're doing epithets#he should literally get to kill him and rip his carpet up WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABT IT#they all make him cry or whatever this isn't the right blog for this but i've got images okay#enough crying enough consolation hugging where's my apology only for it to not be accepted and things to be fucking over#where's MY catharsis you know. this barbie needs catharsis!#i'm super light headed i should super stop posting but like who am i going to text in these conditions#the answer is nobody nobody wants to text my phone like they can blow it up it's fine w/e#i'd make instagram stories but it'll be like a whole thing and they'll report me again for mental illness#i'm going to stop apologizing for having breakdowns publicly actually. if you were like this you would too.#actually maybe you wouldn't because you'd be soooo well adjusted well i'm a weak bitch like actually#and my bones are fucking breaking right now so i'm gonna tell everyone about it <3#i licherally don't want to damage public property now and by that i mean my room LMAOOOO#this is nawt public property but the paints so nice
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random thought while at school about my tfp x readers
bro my brain is thinking of going through and publishing my transformers prime x readers
cuz like, i just remembered the djd existed, so i read some decepticon x readers again and like- i remembered i got like 5 one-shots from like 1-2 years ago and they’ve never been published (about soundwave + shockwave, knockout, megatron, starscream, predaking; each with a human reader cuz i don’t like writing/reading x cybertronian!readers)
idk if y’all read things like fluffy predaking x readers n stuff tho cuz i mainly wrote those due to my hyperfixation during that time fhgfnhfhgnhfhg
i’m also not rly in the tfp fandom atm so my hyperfixation ain’t strong, so idk when the next one-shot would be written
cuz i already am tryna keep up with at least one lmk x reader per week
#emelin rambles#might use that tag for random thoughts lmao#personally don't think it's worth tagging any x reader#cuz like it's a thought#also teachers are gone rn speaking about grades#i'll probs get an E in general#maybe a D if the very few times i talked are enough#or maybe the presentation(s) make it a D#either way i'm fucked :D#sob :'D#update: i got verbally blasted#but not as much as i mentally blasted myself beforehand#so i didn't have to cry this time around
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YEAH NO TONBI GOT HANDS.......... my timing on suggesting it may be Questionable but I AM very glad it holds up as a movie :] hopefully the interview and We Make Antiques are fun diversions! But also take it easy <3 can confirm Nakai is Pretty Moe in both though <3 And I WILL harass you about Masato's VA next week...
TBF YOU SUGGESTED IT A WEEK OR SO AGO twas on me for taking a while to get to it... nevertheless i did really enjoy it thank you..... AND YAYA IM SO STOKED TO WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW AND WMA2 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆!!!!!
esp cant wait to hear about masato's VA in the future.. 👁️👁️
#snap chats#LISTEN i think we all just have to accept at this point any time there's a story about a doting father or fts a doting father#i will cry like its unavoidable. so whether my life's falling apart that week or everything's fine#There Will Be No Difference In How Much I Cry ☠️☠️ im just built terribly what can i say it makes for GREAT inspo tho#tonbi WAS real cute tho and i did enjoy it a lot Because yasu did remind me of my dad a lot#very lucky to say my dad's never slapped me or thrown water in my face tho so LMAO BUT FOR THE MOST PART Yeah...#in a way it weirdly felt like watching an AU of my life. if i may sound insane. listen i already said the kid's name had me twisted LISTEN#fr tho cause ive always wondered what my life wouldve been like if i was able to be raised by my dad instead#im gonna make myself start crying if i get too deep into it LMAO NEEDLESS TO SAY i really enjoyed the movie :)#EVIL that they really did let us see akira get married and now yasu gotta give a speech and If He IS Anything Like My Dad#i know damn well he was winging it and didn't prep a script and I Will Start Crying if i think back to my sis's wedding#STILL MAD THAT THE ONE TIME I HAD TO PISS WAS RIGHT BEFORE HIS SPEECH BUT WHATEVER MOVING ON#said i wasnt gonna talk bout the movie/my dad anymore lest i make myself UPSET yet here i am... always saying more when i shouldnt ☠️#but yeah... i have ONE (1) more comm this week Lest Someone Wants To Snipe A Spot IDK#SO im gon do that :]#and im kinda tired rn... but the uncertainty of how much time i have nowadays urges me to work on it a bit#i dont THINK it should take super long but it IS a full-rendered piece so.... it will take time needless to say#n e way not to sound insane but nakai is An Endearing Chap. is the most sane way i can put it#i mentioned it durin a stream but somethin bout him just naturally exudes cute... idk... im delirious probably ANYWAY BYE FR NOW#CANNOT WAIT for next week to be harassed 🥰🥰
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Holy shit, yall need to realize that it's a VALO GAME, and this is the reactions that you get when you don't play well or be a HEALER. SHE GOT UPSET OVER NOTHING THOSE TWO GUYS ARE IN GOLD AND WE ALL KNOW GOLD VALO LOBBIES SUCK. we get it that chamber and iso want to rank up but oh my god, the chamber was ACTUALLY FUNNY IN A RUDE TONE. YALL ARE JUST FUCKING PUSSIES WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO TINA. YOU BABY HER SO MUCH THAT SHE CANT DO WANT SHE WANTS. LET HER BE HER OWN PERSON AND GROW FUCKING THICK SKIN. yall need to stop defending her when she has issues that don't pertain to yall if she shakes when she plays valo then she needs to stop playing valo. and yall if she ever played CSGO o7 to yall who defend her because she'll rage right left and center with how many assholes there are on that game.
And Dylan was an antagonizer for the iso and chamber
ALSO WHY DID HER MODS UNPUBLISH IT MY GOD DO YALL SUCK UP TO HER THAT MUCH THAT YOU CANT BEAR TO SEE HER IN TERMOIL SHE NEEDS TO KEEP IT UP TO SHOW THAT SHE IS ONLY HUMAN AND THAT THESE MEN ARE ASSHOLES. what if a girl was just starting to play an FPS game and was very nervous about it. They go and find her twitch channel, sees that she plays valo and the girl gets excited because, a woman is playing valo. Only to find that her most recent vod is a highlight that doesn't have the valo content in it. So the girl goes to her duos channel and sees this NORMAL VALO GAMEPLAY happen and wonder why she got rid of it, because it shows how shitty guys are when it comes down to FPS games like valo.
#i fucking hate yall#do any of yall watch anything besides minecraft because HOLY SHIT#yall need to start watching ACTUAL VARIETY YOUTUBERS#because they act and rage the same way that these two assholes are#oh and for those of yall who are crying for her go touch grass read a book do something with your life#YOU'RE CRYING OVER A STREAMER WHO MAKES MORE MONEY THAN YOU AND HAS A BETTER LIFE#like come on bro#this is the only time ill talk about her#and yeah she is an e-girl that gets boosted by so many ppl#dont get it twisted
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let me love you - matthew sturniolo
summary: your boyfriend sucks, and matt may or may not be in love with you.
warnings: pure smut, cheating, oral f!receiving, fingering, hickeys, unprotected sex.
a/n: thanks for enjoying my ghostface au! this is kind of a slow burn it’s like 1.5k words before they get freaky. yall wanted best friend matt so here you go 😇 ALSO I started writing this prior to everyone talking about no nut november sooooo …. lmk if u want smut from me still or maybe some fluff or angst cuz I am a sluuuttt for angst
wc: 6.2k
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“No!” You cry out, throwing your body backwards on the white couch you sat on, dramatically slamming the PS5 controller down next to you in defeat. “You guys teamed up on me and cheated! No fair.”
Laughter filled your ears around you, your friends and boyfriend finding your reaction hilarious.
You were at your best friend Matt’s house, along with his two brothers, your boyfriend, and a couple of other friends from high school. Nick had wanted to invite your guys’ old friend group over as it had been a while since you had all seen each other together, and so far you guys were having a blast. You’d ordered a pizza, watched a cringey movie that came out while you guys were in high school, and now were playing Mario Kart, which was never really your strong suit.
“Nobody ganged up on you, kid. You just suck,” Chris laughed from his spot next to you, bringing his phone up to take a picture of the big pout on your face.
“I hate this game,” you tell him, standing up from your spot between him and your boyfriend, getting up to go refill your red solo cup with soda. As you walk to the kitchen, you hear footsteps behind you, and you’ve been friends with everyone here long enough to know who’s creeping up behind you, so you turn around, pout still plastered on your face.
Matt laughs as soon as he makes eye contact with you, unable to hold it in. “Cmon, don’t be a sore loser,” he starts.
Your jaw drops at his comment in disbelief before you pick it up and giggle, dropping the facade. “I’m not being a sore loser,” you assure him with another laugh. “I’m thirsty and was also kind of wondering if there was any pizza left.”
Matt smiles at your change of attitude, happy you’re not actually upset with the outcome of the game, even though he would never mind trying to cheer you up. “I knew you’d want more, actually,” he moves around the table to open the fridge door. “Seemed like everyone was going crazy on the pizza so I grabbed a couple slices and put them aside for you.”
Your heart swells a bit as you walk around to join Matt by the fridge, smiling wide as he pulled out a tupperware container with a couple pieces of your favorite pizza. “Aww,” you drawl. “You know me so well, Matt. Thank you!” You take the container from him and set it on the counter before turning around and wrapping your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
He hugs you back with his arms around your waist for a moment before pulling away, patting your sides as he does so. “Of course, just heat it up real quick. I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” he smiles at you, turning and walking away.
You smile to yourself as you pop the tupperware into the microwave, listening to the hum of the machine while you twiddle your fingers and wait for it to heat up. As it beeps, you feel a presence sneak up behind you, hands wrapping around your waist.
You spin around with a small grin, looking up at your boyfriend looming over you. “Hi,” you say sweetly.
“Hey,” he responds, kissing your forehead. “More pizza?” His eyebrows furrow as he looks down at you.
“Yeah,” you respond, breaking free from his grasp to grab your pizza out of the microwave. “Matt put a few slices aside for me because I always eat more later.” You take a bite out of one of the slices, humming in satisfaction, looking up at your boyfriend with a small smile.
He looks down at you with a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes, watching you eat. “Didn’t you have like four pieces earlier?” He questions, raising his eyebrows slightly.
You pause chewing for a moment, furrowing your eyebrows as you look at him. “Huh?” You say, slightly garbled by the food in your mouth. You take a moment and chew what’s in your mouth, swallowing thickly before setting down your bowl, placing both hands on your hips. “Are you questioning how much I’m eating or am I hearing things?”
He crosses his arms as the smile drops off of his face. “That’s not what I mean,” he starts. “I’m just… saying you had a few pieces earlier and you just heated up like four more pieces, that’s all.”
You guys have been friends for almost ten years now, however your relationship was relatively fresh, only about seven months in, and in those ten years that you’ve known each other, you’ve never been known to eat salads or small portions. You’ve always had a faster metabolism, and a more active life, so you weren’t particularly worried about indulging in a few extra pieces of pizza during a night with some of your closest friends.
You tilt your head and narrow your eyes, arms coming up to cross over your chest. “Is this something you’d be comfortable saying in front of all of our friends?”
He scoffs and shakes his head, turning to walk away. “Don’t make this something it’s not, babe. Just a question,” he says, heading back towards the couch where the rest of your friends are.
You’re still standing there with your arms crossed, watching him sit down next to Chris, picking up a controller while he laughs about something somebody said, completely switching up his attitude like he wasn’t just trying to patrol what you were eating and how much of it.
At that moment, Matt comes back, drying his hands on his grey sweatpants, making them a bit darker on the outsides of his thighs. “How’s the pizza?” He asks with a smile, before he notices your demeanor and the pizza resting on the counter instead of in your hands. “Everything okay?”
You turn your attention to your friend, looking at him with a confused expression while you try to decipher the interaction that just happened between you and your boyfriend. “Yeah,” you say, but it isn’t a confident answer, and you sound almost confused. “Come on, let’s go sit back down,” you tell him, grabbing your bowl of reheated pizza before starting to walk back to the couch, flopping down on it aggressively, making sure everyone knew you were back.
Matt follows happily, sitting down next to you. You turn and smile at him before slinging one of your legs over his, his hand habitually landing on your knee as you did so. You two had always been the closest in the friend group, but it was always platonic, as much as some of the people in the friend group wanted you guys to end up together.
Nick came and sat on your other side, smiling at the bowl in your hand, pointing at it happily. “Secret stash?” He asked.
You nod enthusiastically, swallowing the food that was in your mouth. “Matt saved me some because he knows how much I love to eat again a few hours later.” Your tone was slightly bratty, eyes flicking over to your boyfriend who stared at you and Matt. He was clearly mad at how close the two of you were sitting, and the hand placed gently on your knee.
Nick nodded. “Oh yeah, I think we all know how much you love leftovers. I wish I could eat as much as you and still look that good,” he teased. You laughed, knowing Nick had no idea the interaction that transpired in the kitchen a few minutes ago, and his timing was just coincidentally perfect.
The night played on as usual, games continuing to play on the tv, loud chatter filling the room as you all caught up on each others’ lives, talking about how adult life takes so much time to live and leaves so little for socializing.
Soon, people started leaving, and eventually it was just the triplets, your boyfriend and yourself, all sitting on the couch as the conversation started to die out, everyone starting to become tired.
Your boyfriend stands from the couch, stretching his arms above his head, shirt riding up slightly. “I think I’m gonna head out, I’m really tired,” he says. “You want a ride home, babe?” He looks down at you where you now laid on your side, head resting on a pillow by the arm of the couch.
You look up and shoot him a quick smile, shaking your head. “I’m gonna pass out here for the night, thanks though.” You tell him. It was typical for you to stay over at the triplets’ house when you got the chance. You’ve known them the longest and grown the closest with them out of the friend group.
“Oh, you can sleep in my room!” Chris smiles at you, reaching over to grab your ankle, shaking it lightly. “I’m gonna sleep in Nick’s room.”
You sit up and laugh at Chris, nodding your head lightly. “Okay, thanks, Chris. You’re the best.”
You and Chris had an almost sibling like relationship from the start, teasing and goofing off being an essential part of your bond. They were also a little bit younger, so he was like the little brother you never had.
Your boyfriend nods and walks over to you, leaning down to kiss you quickly before straightening back out, heading towards the door. “Bye guys, thanks for hosting,” he says towards the boys before leaving, door shutting behind him.
You let out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding, looking around at the three boys around you, all comfortably sitting on the couch on their phones. You smile to yourself a bit before pushing yourself up off of the couch, causing them to look up at you.
“I’m gonna go to sleep,” you say. “Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed, Chris.”
Chris smiles up at you and nods. “Goodnight,” he says.
“Night,” you respond, starting your walk through the kitchen to get to the stairs.
Matt gets up and trails behind you, and you don’t even question it, only turning around to look at him when you’ve made it to Chris’ room. “Here to tuck me in?” You tease.
Matt laughs and shrugs, walking to sit on the edge of the bed, looking up at you as you raid the drawers to find a large t-shirt to change into for the night. “I mean I can tuck you in if you want, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay after earlier. I’m not really sure what happened but you weren’t right after that.”
You pull out an old, worn out red sox shirt and walk over to the bed, sitting down in the middle of it. You let out a sigh and stare down at your hands. “I’m okay, it’s just… you know how I was eating those last few pieces of pizza?”
Matt scoots closer to you and turns to face you, nodding his head as he did so. “Did he say something to you?” He asked curiously, head tilting a bit.
You take a deep breath and nod, letting the air out slowly and quietly while you think of what to say. “He just made a comment about how much I was eating and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Said I already ate a good amount earlier so I shouldn’t eat any more.”
Matt pulled his head back with a disgusted look on his face. “That’s weird. It’s no different from how you usually eat.” He said.
You just shrugged your shoulders and leaned back against the headboard. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I was so confused when he said it, it was just so out of left field. It’s not like I’ve gained weight since we’ve been together or anything either. I don’t know, Matt, he’s been weird lately. I’m not even sure if we should be together, but if we break up it’s going to make things weird between everybody and… I just don’t know.” You run your hands over your face and groan loudly, smacking your hands back down on your legs when you’re done.
Matt looks at you for a moment, trying to figure out what to say that might make things better, but his curiosity gets the better of him and he finds himself trying to dig deeper. “How is he being weird?” He inquires, sitting still in his spot in the middle of the bed.
You shake your head and look up at Matt, pursing your lips as you think. “He just… he’s not very physical with me, he barely takes me on dates and when he does, I have to ask him to take me out, his texts are so dry it hurts, and… not to be too tmi but… I’m just not very,” you blush and look down at your lap before finishing your sentence. “Satisfied.” Your voice fades off into almost a whisper.
Matt’s eyebrows raise, shocked that you confided in him about your sex life. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but normally he didn’t know the guys you were complaining about and you could joke about it more freely. “Like… you’re not finishing?” He asks, not sure how far you’d be willing to take this conversation.
You cover your face, embarrassed, but ultimately you make eye contact through your fingers and shake your head, silently answering the question. “I do things for him every time, but I feel like he’s just using me to get off and my pleasure isn’t important. He’s never even eaten me out, just like fingered me before sex but you can tell he’s just doing it because he thinks he should, not because he actually wants to, and I’ve been with guys who enjoy that kind of stuff so I know it’s not a universal thought that getting your girlfriend off is a chore. But he doesn’t even get me off! He just like… plays around down there and then fucks me for like two minutes!”
Matt laughs at your tone, nodding his head in agreement. “Two minutes is… crazy,” he cackles.
You laugh back at him, the mood lifted. “You’re telling me. I feel like I can literally count the seconds without losing track in the time it takes him to finish.”
Matt’s head falls back in laughter, but when he comes back to look at you, he raises an eyebrow at you. “He’s seriously never eaten you out?” He asks, shocked at the earlier statement.
“No,” you shake your head, lips falling in a tight line. “Crazy, right?”
He nods, taking a breath in like he was going to speak, but stopping himself before words could come out. He thought for a moment, not wanting to say anything to make the situation awkward. “I feel like I always eat a girl out and get her off at least once before we actually, y’know. Fuck.”
It’s been way too long, you think to yourself. Way too long since you’ve actually been pleasured by a man that left you satisfied and even craving more. With your boyfriend now it just felt like you should be having sex, but you never craved it.
“I wish that was the case but… it’s mostly just me blowing him and not getting anything in return, or we just have sex without any sort of foreplay,” you tell him. Your eyes bore into his and you swallow thickly. It’s not like you’ve never thought about what sex with Matt would be like. You guys have talked about your sexual encounters before, but mostly as a joke, in ways that didn’t make you guys want each other, at least that’s what you thought. But now, talking about how awful your sex life was and how attentive Matt was in bed, it made you feel even more deprived.
Unbeknownst to you, Matt had thought about sex with you more than he’d like to admit, but would never bring it up due to fear of rejection. He’s had a crush on you for a while now, but the thoughts of getting you naked and in his bed and consumed him recently. He was so turned on by even the smallest thing; the clothes you wore, your hair in a bun paired with your glasses, the smell of your perfume, everything made him want you even more. He felt like this conversation might be the only time he could make a move and actually have it make sense, but he didn’t know how to bring it up.
“You deserve better than that,” he starts nervously, right hand playing with the ring on his left pinky. “Have you talked to him about it?”
You laugh, rolling your eyes. “Yeah right. Doesn’t do anything. He says he doesn’t do that. Says it’s boring and he hates the taste. Like suck it up.”
Matt keeps eye contact with you, taking a deep breath before the words that will change your relationship no matter the outcome slip past his lips.
“I love it,” he says. “I love eating girls out, having them squirm underneath me, pull my hair… it might be my favorite part of sex.”
Your throat goes dry as Matt talks, the eye contact getting almost too intense for you. The air in the room has shifted, and it’s hard to ignore. You swallow thickly, looking down to his lips before flitting back up to his eyes.
“Listen, I.. I don’t want to make this awkward or make you uncomfortable and,” he scoots closer on the bed, reaching a hand up to trail over your thigh. “I know we’ve been friends for a really long time and this would change things forever, but I can’t even tell you how bad I want to make you feel good.”
You suck in a breath, goosebumps arising on your leg where his hand rested, thumb gently swiping back and forth. “Matt…” you look at him with raised eyebrows.
“I know, I know you’re with him,” he interrupts. “But I could make you feel so good. Please.”
Begging was your weakness, the desperate look in his eyes having you more hot and bothered than it should’ve. You were in a relationship for fuck’s sake, this was wrong on more levels than one.
Matt’s hand reaches out to push a strand of hair behind your ear before he rests his palm on your cheek, getting up on his knees to tower over you, looking down at you from his elevated position. He leans down, left hand resting behind you on the headboard, locking you both into place. His face is right in front of yours now, both of your lips merely inches away.
“Please,” he breaths out quietly.
You stare up into his eyes for a second.
Two…
Three…
“Fuck it,” you whisper, reaching up to grab the back of his head and pull him down the last few inches, slamming your lips together.
His tongue slides past your lips almost immediately, meeting yours fervently, his hand that rested on your cheek sliding down to rest on your waist, gripping gently like he was afraid you’d slip from his fingers.
Your hand slides up to thread through his hair, keeping pressure on the back of his head to keep him close. You moaned against his lips, both of you kissing more aggressively than you typically would due to the tension that’s been growing between the two of you for years, finally snapping.
“I need you so bad,” he mutters against your lips, sliding down to kiss your neck, tongue sliding against your skin as he left kisses down your collarbone. “Take your clothes off, please, I need to see you.”
You sit up from the headboard and oblige, pulling your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your sweat shorts and bra. He follows suit and takes his shirt off, throwing it to the ground before sliding down the bed so he can grab your ankles, yanking you down the bed roughly so you were laid flat on the mattress instead of sitting up.
You let a small squeal leave your lips, followed by a giggle. This is exactly what you needed, to be manhandled by a man that wanted nothing more but to please you, and you couldn’t be more excited for the night ahead of you.
Matt crawls back up the bed, looking at you like you’re his prey and he’s about to devour you. “You look so good,” he says quietly, voice deeper than usual. He’s hovering above you again just staring down at your face and admiring, like he can’t believe he’s finally getting what he’s waited so long for.
Your hands reach up to touch his shoulders, dragging your fingers up and down his arms that are braced on either side of you, holding his body up. You admire him for a few minutes yourself, just staring up at him as he looks at you, the silence not awkward at all, instead it’s comforting, and he feels like home.
Finally, he breaks the eye contact as he leans down to kiss you again and your arms come up to wrap around his neck. “Matt,” you mumble, his lips pressed firmly against yours. He hums in response, placing a final small kiss on your lips as he pulls away to hear what you have to say.
You’re nervous as you speak, but push the feelings aside as to come off more confident than you actually are.
“I need you,” you whisper, staring straight up into his bright blue eyes. “Please.”
Matt’s still for a moment before he leans his weight on his left hand, sliding his right one underneath your back that arches for him to have easier access, skillfully undoing the clasp on your bra. As soon as it’s undone, you use your own hands to peel the bra off of your arms, leaving you completely topless in front of him, nipples hardening at the cold rush of air on your chest.
He starts his descent down the bed, letting his lips trail down your body, over your collarbone, through the valley of your breasts, down your stomach, finally reaching your hipbones where he started to suck a mark into as he tucked his fingers in the waistband of your shorts, pulling them down along with your underwear, your naked body fully on display for Matt for the first time ever, but in the back of your mind, you hope it isn’t the last.
He pulls his lips away from the purple mark he sucked into your skin, admiring his work. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to mark you up, to claim you.” Matt looks up at your face to see you already staring down at him. “Need to taste you so bad.”
You nod your head lightly, giving him permission to finally do what he wanted, and what you needed so badly.
His head dips down to kiss your hip again, lips moving over your thighs, his hands pushing them farther apart to give him access to what he needed the most. His eyes stare down at your core, something that would usually make you insecure, but right now only made you feel even hornier, the thought of him soaking in the way that you looked down there turning you on more than anything so far. “Pretty?” You ask him bashfully.
Matt licks his lips in response, taking in a breath to calm himself. “Fucking perfect.” He drops his head and drags his tongue from your hole up to your clit, grabbing the wetness that dripped out of you and spreading it up, wrapping his lips around the nub that needed attention more than it ever has in your life.
You gasp and drop your head down to the pillow, hands instantly tangling in the sheets to ground yourself somehow. “Fuck, Matt,” you cry, arching your back off of the bed.
He uses his hands to keep your legs spread apart as he devours your pussy, the wet sounds coming from his mouth meeting your heat filling the room. You’re grinding up into his mouth and he lets you, wanting to allow you to do whatever felt the best to you, but you halt your motions when he pulls away and lets go of your left thigh, dragging his fingers up your leg until they meet your entrance, slipping two fingers into you, your pussy enthusiastically accepting them.
He brings his mouth to the inside of your thigh as he starts to finger you slowly, thumb rubbing against your clit as he does so, sucking another hickey into your soft skin. You’re a moaning mess as he plays with you, finally feeling something other than disappointment in bed for the first time in a long time.
After he’s satisfied with the mark he’s left on your skin, he moves his thumb away from your clit and trails back up to wrap his lips around it, sucking softly and letting his tongue run over the nub, fingers still working inside of you. The combination of both had you reeling, damn near seeing stars. Not only has it been forever since you’ve been eaten out, but it’s been even longer since you’ve been eaten out well.
“Matthew,” you breathe, exhaling loudly. You were trying to stay quieter, but you were quickly losing your inhibitions. The way he used his tongue on you, sucking on your clit alongside the fingers working their way inside you was making you dizzy, your stomach coiling in a familiar way. “Matt, please don’t stop,” you beg, reaching up to slide your fingers through his hair.
He listens, curling his fingers inside of you as his tongue traced shapes on your clit, the taste of you alone making him so hard it hurt.
You cried out and arched your back against the bed, fingers gripping the overgrown hair that adorned Matt’s head, moans growing louder than you were able to control. “Fuck!” You whined, thighs shaking as they tried to close around Matt, but he pulled his fingers out of you and used both hands to press your knees apart, keeping you exposed to him as he ate you through your orgasm, making you cry out even more, not used to the overstimulation.
He finally pulls away, kissing his way back up your torso until he’s hovering above your face, smiling down at you. “You okay?” He asks sweetly, using his left hand that isn’t covered in your arousal to brush your sweaty hair out of your face.
You pant as you look up at him, desperately trying to catch your breath. All you can do at the moment is nod, eyebrows furrowing together as you stare at him, almost innocently, and the look in your eyes makes his dick twitch in his pants.
He smirks down at you and reaches back down with his right hand, dragging his fingers over your clit again, making your legs twitch and try to close, a small whimper leaving your lips. “Sensitive,” you whine, but you still can’t help the moan that leaves your lips when he dips his fingers back inside you, pumping them slowly.
Your eyes flutter closed as your head rests in the pillow, back arching as you push your hips down to meet his fingers.
The mix of the pleasure and the immorality of the situation is ripping you apart, like an angel and a devil on your shoulder, but the devil was winning tonight and you weren’t even worried about the consequences.
“So good,” you whisper, finally able to respond. “But this is so wrong, Matt.”
He nods, leaning down to kiss your cheek. “I know,” he says quietly against your skin. “Do you want me to stop?” He slides his fingers out of you and starts making circles on your clit, slowly but surely bringing you back towards the edge of an orgasm, but the tone of his voice makes you completely confident that he would stop if you told him to, that he’d cover you up and leave you here to sleep, never to bring up this incident again. Your best friend was way too sweet to you for your own good; unfortunately for him, and especially for your boyfriend, you weren’t quite as good of a person.
“No point in stopping now, not when you got me wanting you so bad,” you tell him, a smirk falling onto your lips. “I need you to fuck me.”
Matt’s breath hitches in his throat at your filthy words, unable to even process the fact that he’s in bed with you right now, let alone the way you’re speaking. He would’ve been completely happy just getting you off and making you feel good, so getting to fuck you really just felt like a bonus for him. “Anything for my favorite girl.”
Matt stands up off the bed and slips his sweats and boxers off, stepping out of them before taking a step back towards the bed, blushing at the expression on your face.
“Holy shit, Matt, I would’ve fucked you a long time ago if I knew you were packing straight heat,” you laugh, gawking at the size of his dick. Your boyfriend was nothing in comparison. You don’t think you’d ever be able to go back after this.
“Shut up,” Matt chuckles, climbing back onto the bed and fitting himself between your spread legs, sitting up on his knees and pulling your hips up to meet his, ass resting on the tops of his thighs. “You sure you want this?” He clarifies, making sure a final time. You guys have already crossed so many lines, but this seemed like the final one, the point of no return. But you’re happy where you’re at, and you let him know by nodding at him, confirming that you’re ready to say fuck it to the boundaries set by the standard rules of friendship.
Matt shakes his head and leans over your body, face hovering above yours. “I want to hear you say it,” he whispers, eyes boring into your own.
You smile and reach your hand up to cup his cheek, tilting your chin up slightly. “I’m ready,” you tell him sweetly. “Fuck me, please.”
He’s nervous, and you could tell, but he pushes it aside as he sits back up and grabs the base of his dick, using his hand to line up the tip with your entrance, slowly sliding himself in until he’s buried to the hilt, a small moan leaving both of your mouths. “Shit, Matt,” you whine, reaching out to grab any part of him, something to ground you in this situation. He sees your efforts and leans over you once more, the angle of him just sitting inside you brushing up against all the right places.
Your hand reaches out and grabs his bicep, eyes fluttering open to look at his face above you, his expression slightly distant as he focused on the reality that has been the subject of every wet dream for at least the last five years. “You okay?” You ask him, and he lets out a breathy chuckle.
“I should be asking you that,” he states. “I’m fine, just can’t believe I’m finally getting to do this. I’ve wanted you for so long.”
You smile and wiggle your hips, pushing down into him. “Show me how long you’ve been waiting for this.”
Matt doesn’t hesitate when he hears those words, and he pulls his hips back just to snap back into you roughly, making you moan and throw your head back, your neck exposed for Matt to do whatever he wanted.
He keeps up a rough pace on you, grunts leaving his mouth every so often. “You feel so good,” he says lowly, leaning down to bury his head in your neck as he fucks into you relentlessly. His lips trail over your skin, until you feel his mouth open, a light suction on your neck sending you reeling.
You know he’s marking you up in places that are going to be visible now, and there’s no turning back from this, there’s no way you’ll be able to hide it without being obvious, but you just can’t find it in you to care.
“Fuck, Matt, you’re fucking me so good, don’t stop,” you cry out, hands reaching around his back, nails digging into his skin.
He listens, like the good boy he is, keeping up his pace on you. He sits up, though, your ass still planted on his thighs as he rocks his hips into you, his arms wrapping around your legs and holding you in place. “I’m not gonna last long like this, I’m so sorry,” he apologizes. He’s far too turned on to last as long as he normally does, too worked up and so enthusiastic about finally getting to fuck you after all these years.
“That’s okay, I’m so close,” you tell him, reaching down to start rubbing circles on your clit to push you farther towards the edge, wanting to finish with Matt, but he pushes your hand away, replacing it with his own, rubbing a quick back and forth motion on your clit in time with his thrusts. “I’ll take care of you,” he tells you, looking into your eyes. “I got you.”
Those words alone had you arching your back off the bed, gripping the sheets next to you as you came for the second time that night, legs shaking as you cried out, muttering out his name mixed in with obscenities. “Matt,” you whimper, breathing heavily as you came down.
He was still thrusting into you, slower and gentler now, but enough to still have you riled up despite the orgasm that just shook your body. “You’re doing so well for me,” he praised, sliding his slick covered hand over your thigh, rubbing the skin lovingly. “I’m so close, baby, where do you want me?”
“Anywhere you want,” you tell him, shaking your head. “I’m all yours.”
The words send him over the edge, his thrusts getting sloppy as he finished inside of you, shooting his load deep into your pussy. “Fuck,” he moans, hips coming to a halt fully inside of you as he collects his breath.
You guys are both silent for a moment before you make eye contact and start giggling, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you did so, his shoulders shaking slightly. “Oh my god,” he speaks first, looking down as he pulls out of you, his seed spilling out slowly. He acts without thinking and reaches down, using his fingers to scoop it up and push it back inside of you, making you gasp.
“Matt,” you warn, and he snaps his head back up to look at you. “Sorry,” he says, a blush starting to cover his cheeks. “Just don’t wanna waste any.”
He pulls his fingers out and wipes them on the sheets, grimacing slightly. “Definitely going to have to wash these tomorrow, but that’s a tomorrow issue.”
You smile and reach towards him, grabbing his arm to pull him back down to you, sliding your hand up his arm and towards his cheek before pulling him into a soft kiss. He kisses you back happily, his clean hand resting on your waist.
As you both kiss, he moves to lay next to you and slides his hand down your hip until it rests on your leg, pulling it over him so you guys are cuddling face to face.
Matt pulls away from the kiss and smiles over at you. “I guess this would be a bad time to tell you I’ve had feelings for you for a really long time?” He raises his eyebrows as he speaks, pressing his lips in a thin, awkward smile when he’s done.
You laugh and shake your head, brushing a long strand of hair out of his eyes. “I think it’s perfect timing.”
He smiles wide and leans in to kiss you once more, holding your body close to his own.
-
You guys must’ve ended up under the blankets at some point during the night, and thank god for that, because it couldn’t have been later than 9am when you hear the sound of the bedroom door opening and the song Pony by Ginuwine blaring through a speaker, ripping you out of a deep sleep.
Your eyes tear open and you stare at where the noise is coming from, feeling the hand wrapped around your waist tightening before you both sit up and stare at the door, seeing Chris in the doorway jokingly dancing and grinding as he held the speaker up in his hand, looking at both of you on the bed.
You can’t help but throw your head back in laughter, the sight of him breaking into the room like this making you crack up. “Chris!” You yell between giggles, making sure you’re holding up the blanket to cover your chest.
Nick comes up and stands behind Chris, shaking his head. “I told him not to,” he states, clearly unamused with his brother’s antics.
Chris giggles and turns the music down, staring at the two of you in bed, one of you laughing and one of you glaring back at him. “Hey, I’m happy you guys finally fucked, just really wish it wasn’t in my bed.”
Matt narrows his eyes and reaches underneath him, grabbing the pillow he was previously laying on and flinging it at his younger sibling. “Chris, get the fuck out!”
-
a/n: …..
u likeee??? I definitely like this one a little less than the last one but it was still fun to write 🤭 please leave feedback and send requests on what to do next
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#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#matt x reader#matt x you#matt stuniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo#ave’s library 𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚
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