#he was 77 so he lived a long life none of the men in his family lived past 60 so he beat the odds on that

[upperranktwo]

My granddad died today, I feel so fucking broken, he was one of the kindest men I knew and always taught us to love and accept people... the only positive thing is that he is now back with my nan and uncle who I knew he missed dearly

[thelordofgifs]

Thinking about Eldacar and the mortality always lurking in his bones. From as soon as he arrived in Gondor (aged five) people were whispering about how long this child would live. Would he outlive his father? When Valacar became King, would he even have an heir? Every time he caught some inconsequential childhood illness the rumour mill in Osgiliath went wild – true-blooded Númenoreans did not get sick so easily, after all. His mother died when he was 77, at “a great age for her own people”, and people murmured, alright, maybe her son has long-lived genes, but Valacar isn’t even the King yet, who knows how long the boy will last? Eventually Eldacar caved to all the pressure and married – a good true-blooded Númenorean, methinks – so that his father could be sure of an heir, even if it was a grandson and not a son. But proper Númenoreans only married late in life, so that was just another mark against Eldacar, another sign of his fundamental otherness. He was “handsome and valiant”, a dutiful son, the perfect crown-prince-in-waiting, but none of it would be enough if he died too young. Some of his wife’s friends and relatives came over to commiserate with her about the long widowhood that surely awaited her. His father tried to steel himself for the prospect of outliving his son. When Eldacar’s eldest son, Ornendil, was born reactions were mixed – Vidumavi’s blood in another generation, but at least he was likely to live longer than his father! Valacar became King when Eldacar was 111 (eleventy-one!). Was that old enough to prove them wrong? Or did the scrutiny on him only intensify, every occasional cough the sign of fatal pneumonia, every wound sustained in battle certain to be his last? (Lesser Men did not heal so quickly as Númenoreans, after all.)

He was 177 when his father died and he ascended the throne. Surely, surely, they would believe now that he was as Númenorean as they were. Surely they would stop looking at him as though he were a corpse waiting for a tombstone. The Kin-strife broke out within five years of his ascension. It had never really been about Eldacar’s aging.

He was driven out of Osgiliath, back to the lands of his mother’s people, with those of his children he could gather, but Ornendil – Ornendil—

His father had, in the end, avoided having to bury his child. Eldacar was not so lucky.

[almaqead]

"The Severest Gate." From Surah 23, Al Mu'minun "The Believers."

There was no way to force Ali Khamenei to send a message of hope and encouragement the other day. He followed his own course instead of that of the sun, the moon, and the stars named with great emphasis by the Quran. Now his people are bracing for a shit storm they did not precipitate.

Ali Khamenei has been using the tunnels dug by the Mormons, the Philistines to terrorize and assassinate Israelites, among whom Muhammad counted himself. The hidden language in the Quran even says of Jews and Muslims, "of the thirteen you are my dearest." The name Muslim even means one who understands the best.

Ali Khamenei does not understand or believe a word of the Quran or speak of its blessings to those in need of his ability to commune with Allah. The world would be a very, very different place if he could.

The Ayatollah knows about and has been using Mormon terror tunnels to fund and fuel Hezbollah in its mission of murder. About this refusal to adhere to the Quran by an piece of filth who would rather help the Mormons than care for his own people, the Surah says:

23: 62-77:

"We never require of any soul more than what it can afford. And with Us is a record which speaks the truth. None will be wronged.

But the hearts of those ˹who disbelieve˺ are oblivious to ˹all of˺ this,1 and they have other ˹evil˺ deeds, opposite to this, in which they are engrossed.

But as soon as We seize their elite with torment, they start to cry for help.

˹They will be told,�� “Do not cry for help today. Surely you will never be saved from Us.

Indeed, My revelations were recited to you, but you used to back away ˹in disgust˺, boasting of the Sacred House, and babbling ˹nonsense about the Quran˺ by night.”

Is it because they have never contemplated the Word ˹of Allah˺? Or ˹because˺ there has come to them something that did not come to their forefathers?

Or ˹because˺ they failed to recognize their Messenger, and so they denied him?

Or ˹because˺ they say, “He is insane?” In fact, he has come to them with the truth, but most of them are resentful of the truth.

Had the truth followed their desires,1 the heavens, the earth, and all those in them would have certainly been corrupted. In fact, We have brought them ˹the means to˺ their glory, but they turn away from it.

Or ˹is it because˺ you ˹O Prophet˺ are asking them for tribute? But the reward of your Lord is best, for He is the Best Provider.

And surely you are calling them to the Straight Path, but those who disbelieve in the Hereafter are certainly deviating from that Path.

˹Even˺ if We had mercy on them and removed their affliction,1 they would still persist in their transgression, wandering blindly.

And We have already seized them with torment, but they never humbled themselves to their Lord, nor did they ˹submissively˺ appeal ˹to Him˺.

But as soon as We open for them a gate of severe punishment, they will be utterly desperate."

Commentary:

The people of the Republic of Iran, like the people of the Russian Federation, both which are proxies of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, will not be able to survive the dismay of the human race or find their way back to their feet after its retribution for their attacks on the innocent.

I am crying out to those who believe to insist upon God's Mercy for the rest of their lives by overthrowing men and women who are carelessly inviting Sodom and Gomorrah to their doorsteps.

The world is waiting to breath life back into itself, for this it is long since eager. It is willing to rain fire on those in its way. Trust God, trust His Prophet and read the Quran. Ali Khamenei and his regime must end so life on earth can be recast, epsecially for those who sit mewling at his feet.

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". �� ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[chuplayswithfire]

Do you have OFMD fic recs?

do i have OFMD fic recs?

oh my god, but do i have OFMD fic recs. i am, not, as some might be fooled into thinking, a Normal Person, and as of today I have read through and browsed about 77 pages of the 103 pages worth of Edward x Stede fics over 3k in length that AO3 has to offer.

Why have I done this? I really enjoy reading fics. Seeing what the writing community has to offer, enjoying whats available, crying at the things that make me feel the word No crystalize louder in the core of my being when I see takes I can't live with.

As a direct result of this, I currently have over a 180 specifically Ed x Stede OFMD fics in my bookmarks, so in the broadest of terms, generally speaking all of those could be in a rec list. But here's an incomplete list of the OFMD fics I would recommend (and have recommended to my friends). Also none of these will have the exact summary, just my sales pitch on them bc i don't feel like copying out the summaries.

domestic by Ark

the most blissfully domestic fic ever, a take on what could have happened had Stede and Ed left the academy together rather than what happened in canon. It's a long and generous character study on how these two might have adapted to domestic life together, how they flourished, and it nurtures my soul.

Turning Tides by Fyre

A speculative season 2 bringing in just about the entire cast from the first season and introducing new characters, new threats, and reuniting our sappy middle-aged men along the way, this series blew me away with magnificent characterization, stunning use of the characters and plot threads from the first season, and some absolutely fab moments. A speculative season 3 is coming in the future!

An Awfully Big Adventure by trinityofone

I won't spoil the surprise and twists in this tale, but it was a fun and emotional fantasy journey for our characters, and is astoundingly entirely from Izzy's POV, which is usually a thing I unashamedly hate, but here is used to incredibly fascinating effect. I couldn't stop reading this fic from the moment I started. This is post S1 and does have reconciliation/reunion aspects.

Always and Forever by stereobone

ACCIDENTALLY GOT MARRIED FIC, ACCIDENTALLY GOT MARRIED FIC, do I NEED to say more? Post-S1 Stede and Ed wake up married without remembering their reconciliation, things progress from there.

The CafeHouse by WaitingToBeBroken

Coffee shop AU where Ed is a tattoo artist and Stede is determined to figure out his perfect coffee order - because obviously Ed isn't a man to really want a black coffee. I loved this from start to finish, it had me laughing and screaming.

half-agony, half-hope by lyricl

Post Season 1 fic Ed gets his groove back by getting a new pen-pal, going on a journey of self-exploration, picking a first mate who aligns with his management and life goals, and getting his man back. I LOVED this fic, loved Fang and the rest of Ed's crew, and the various OCs who pop in from time to time. Really enjoyed the take on Izzy too which is a big one for me, and also the fact that this author, like me, agrees that Izzy needs to go and find the dom top of his dreams instead of trying to make Ed into that.

guardians of a rare thing by ShowMeAHero

its a 5+1 fic about nice things Stede did for Ed and one nice thing Ed did for Stede and look I am a simple woman, I just want my babygirl Edward Teach to have the best life possible and be spoiled and this fic satisfied that craving so well.

a very good bad thing by seularen

Someone tries to come after Ed while he and Stede are on vacation. Stede Handles It baby. I will actually copy a bit of the summary here to show you why i HAD to read this fic when I first found it, and why everyone else should too:

“Unhand him,” Stede said. “Or what?” “Good point. I can’t say ‘or bleed.’ You’re going to do that already.”

My Saddle's Waiting by dracothelizard

One of the shorter ones on this rec list, this is a nsfw comedy take on the first season, where Ed sees that Stede's hung like a horse in episode 4 and is determined to ride him some of that.

Possibly the only incomplete fic on this list but which I die for every update:

Chiaroscuro by MenaceAnon

featuring one of my favorite genres of OFMD fic, the Mary & Ed friendship dynamic, this fic features Stede crashing back into Mary's life with an injured Ed, and the ways that Ed, Mary, Stede, Doug, and the kids all interact. I love this take on Mary, I love the compassion and humor and care that the author puts into every single word and scene, Ed teaches Mary about tattooing and Mary affirms Ed's nature as an artist, AND, Ed and Stede still haven't made up yet, so we get some delicious conflict there too.

and to finish the list, my favorite fic in the entire fandom which I have rec'd like twice already but will never STOP rec'ing because it WRECKS ME EVERY TIME -

this tired world could change by gangnamstiles

IT HAS EVERYTHING.... EVERYTHING.... i love this fic so fucking much okay?!?!?! Modern AU, miserable business man Stede is drowning in his day to day life when he meets Edward Teach, mechanic, handsome guy, savior who offers him a cigarette (and uh former hitman for Spanish Jackie's mob). They fall in love, but oh boy is there a lot for them to cope with along the way.

I LOVE THIS FIC. I love this fic. I found it about halfway through and screamed through every single update with one of my friends, literally read this fic on the cycling machine at the gym and jumped for every update as soon as they posted because i LOVE this fic so much okay, and now that the author is posting some extras i am living again.

And this is my OFMD Bookmarks on AO3 in case anyone wants more. My bookmarking philosophy is "anything I know I'm going to want to read again, put here"

thank you anon for letting me spend an hour revisiting all these fics I love

[gardenofkore]

The Theory of the Sicilian Origin of the Odyssey refers to a particular trend (particularly fashionable during the 19th century) according to which the true author of the Odyssey was a young woman from Trapani, who took inspiration from people and places familiar to her to write this famous epic poem. The postulation was made especially renowned after Victorian novelist Samuel Butler published his work The Authoress of the Odyssey in 1897 and is still debated nowadays. The main reasonings who could support the theory of a female writer are the fact that, in the Odyssey, women are depicted as more reasonable and positive than men, who act almost mechanically and aren’t as exalted as their female counterparts. While Iliad’s women are creatures who need to be protected, Odyssey’s women rule, counsel and protect. When Ulysses reaches Scheria, Nausicaa advises him to plead for help from Queen Arete rather than King Alcinous. No woman in the Odyssey is made fun of, and almost everyone of them is treated with respect, except if they committed a serious crime (like Penelope’s unfaithful handmaidens, who are showed no mercy) while men aren’t considered trustworthy and able. Also, the text is peppered with small errors (about navigation, the structure of a ship, the shape of a weapon etc) which no male author could have made.

Who, then, was she?

I cannot answer this question with the confidence that I have felt hitherto. So far I have been able to demonstrate the main points of my argument; on this, the most interesting question of all, I can offer nothing stronger than presumption.

We have to find a woman of Trapani, young, fearless, self-willed, and exceedingly jealous of the honour of her sex. She seems to have moved in the best society of her age and country, for we can imagine none more polished on the West coast of Sicily in Odyssean times than the one with which the writer shews herself familiar. She must have had leisure, or she could not have carried through so great a work. She puts up with men when they are necessary or illustrious, but she is never enthusiastic about them, and likes them best when she is laughing at them; but she is cordially interested in fair and famous women.

I think she should be looked for in the household of the person whom she is travestying under the name of King Alcinous. The care with which his pedigree and that of his wife Arēte is explained (vii. 54-77), and the warmth of affectionate admiration with which Arēte is always treated, have the same genuine flavour that has led scholars to see true history and personal interest in the pedigree of Æneas given in "Il." XX. 200-241. Moreover, she must be a sufficiently intimate member of the household to be able to laugh at its head as much as she chose. [...]

Lastly, she must be looked for in one to whom the girl described as Nausicaa was all in all. No one else is drawn with like livingness and enthusiasm, and no other episode is written with the same, or nearly the same, buoyancy of spirits and resiliency of pulse and movement, or brings the scene before us with anything approaching the same freshness, as that in which Nausicaa takes the family linen to, the washing cisterns. The whole of Book vi. can only have been written by one who was throwing herself into it heart and soul.

All the three last paragraphs are based on the supposition that the writer was drawing real people. That she was drawing a real place, lived at that place, and knew no other, does not admit of further question; we can pin the writer down here by reason of the closeness with which she has kept to natural features that remain much as they were when she portrayed them; but no traces of Alcinous’s house and garden, nor of the inmates of his household will be even looked for by any sane person; it is open, therefore, to an objector to contend that though the writer does indeed appear to have drawn permanent features from life, we have no evidence that she drew houses and gardens and men and women from anything but her own imagination.

[...]

Richly endowed with that highest kind of imagination which consists in wise selection and judicious application of materials derived from life, she fails, as she was sure to do, when cut off from a base of operation in her own surroundings. This appears most plainly in the three books which tell of the adventures of Ulysses after he has left Mt. Eryx and the Cyclopes. There is no local detail in the places described; nothing, in fact, but a general itinerary such as she could easily get from the mariners of her native town. With this she manages to rub along, helping herself out with fragments taken from nearer home, but there is no approach to such plausible invention as we find in Gulliver's Travels, Robinson Crusoe, or Pilgrim's Progress; and when she puts a description of the land of Hades into the mouth of Circe (x. 508–515)—which she is aware must be something unlike anything she had ever witnessed—she breaks down and gives as a scene which carries no conviction. Fortunately not much detail is necessary here; in Ithaca, however, a great deal is wanted, and feeling invention beyond her strength she does not even attempt it, but has recourse with the utmost frankness to places with which she is familiar.

Not only does she shirk invention as much as possible in respect of natural features, but she does so also as regards incident. She can vilipend her neighbours on Mt. Eryx as the people at Trapani continue doing to this day, for there is no love lost between the men of Trapani and those of Mte. S. Giuliano, as Eryx is now called. She knows Ustica: the wind comes thence, and she can make something out of that; then there is the other great Sican city of Cefalù—a point can be made here; but with the Lipari islands her material is running short. She has ten years to kill, for which, however, eight or eight-and-a-half may be made to pass. She cannot have killed more than three months before she lands her hero on Circe's island; here, then, in pity's name let him stay for at any rate twelve months—which he accordingly does.

She soon runs through her resources for the Sirens’ island, and Scylla and Charybdis; she knows that there is nothing to interest her on the East coast of Sicily below Taormina—for Syracuse (to which I will return) was still a small pre-Corinthian settlement, while on the South coast we have no reason to believe that there was any pre-Hellenic city. What, she asked herself, could she do but shut Ulysses up in the most lonely island she could think of—the one from which he would have the least chance of escaping—for the remainder of his term? She chose, therefore, the island which the modern Italian Government has chosen, for exactly the same reasons, as the one in which to confine those who cannot be left at large—the island of Pantellaria; but she was not going to burden Calypso for seven long years with all Ulysses’ men, so his ship had better be wrecked.

This way out of the difficulty does not indicate a writer of fecund or mature invention. She knew the existence of Sardinia, for Ulysses smiles a grim Sardinian smile (xx. 302). Why not send him there, and describe it with details taken not from the North side of Trapani but from the South? Or she need not have given details at all—she might have sent him very long journeys extending over ever so many years in half a page. If she had been of an inventive turn there were abundant means of keeping him occupied without having recourse to the cheap and undignified expedient of shutting him up first for a year in one island, and then for seven in another. Having made herself so noble a peg on which to hang more travel and adventure, she would have hung more upon it, had either strength or inclination pointed in that direction. It is one of the commonplaces of Homeric scholars to speak of the voyages of Ulysses as "a story of adventurous travel." So in a way they are, but one can see all through that the writer is trying to reduce the adventurous travel to a minimum.

See how hard put to it she is when she is away from her own actual surroundings. She does not repeat her incidents so long as she is at home, for she has plenty of material to draw from; when she is away from home, do what she may, she cannot realise things so easily, and has a tendency to fall back on something she has already done. Thus, at Pylos, she repeats the miraculous flight of Minerva (iii. 372) which she had used i. 320. On reaching the land of the Læstrygonians Ulysses climbs a high rock to reconnoitre, and sees no sign of inhabitants save only smoke rising from the ground—at the very next place he comes to he again climbs a high rock to reconnoitre, and apparently sees no sign of inhabitants but only the smoke of Circe's house rising from the middle of a wood. He is conducted to the house of Alcinous by a girl who had come out of the town to fetch a pitcher of water (vii. 20); this is repeated (x. 105) when Ulysses’ men are conducted to the house of the Læstrygonian Antiphates, by a girl who had come out of the town to fetch a pitcher of water. The writer has invented a sleep to ruin Ulysses just as he was well in sight of Ithaca (x. 31, &c.). This is not good invention, for such a moment is the very last in which Ulysses would be likely to feel sleepy—but the effort of inventing something else to ruin him when his men are hankering after the cattle of the Sun is quite too much for her, and she repeats (xii. 338) the sleep which had proved so effectual already. So, as I have said above, she repeats the darkness on each occasion when Ulysses seems likely to stumble upon Trapani. Calypso, having been invented once, must do duty again as Circe—or vice versâ, for Book x. was probably written before Book v.

Such frequent examples of what I can only call consecutive octaves indicate a writer to whom invention does not come easily, and who is not likely to have recourse to it more than she can help. Having shown this as regards both places and incidents, it only remains to point out that the writer's dislike of invention extends to the invention of people as well as places. The principal characters in the "Odyssey" are all of them Scherian. Nestor, Ulysses, Menelaus and Alcinous are every one of them the same person playing other parts, and the greater zest with which Alcinous is drawn suggests, as I have said in an earlier Chapter, that the original from whom they are all taken was better known to the writer in the part of Alcinous than in that of any of the other three. Penelope, Helen, and Arēte are only one person, and I always suspect Penelope to be truer to the original than either of the other two. Idothea and Ino are both of them Nausicaa; so also are Circe and Calypso, only made up a little older, and doing as the writer thinks Nausicaa would do if she were a goddess and had an establishment of her own. I am more doubtful about these last two, for they both seem somewhat more free from that man-hatred which Nausicaa hardly attempts to conceal. Still, Nausicaa contemplates marrying as soon as she can find the right person, and, as we have seen, neither Circe nor Calypso had a single man-servant of their own, while Circe was in the habit of turning all men who came near her into pigs or wild beasts. Calypso, moreover, is only made a little angry by being compelled to send Ulysses away. She does not seem to have been broken-hearted about it. Neither of them, therefore, must be held to be more fond of men than the convenience of the poem dictated. Even the common people of Ithaca are Scherians, and make exactly the same fault-finding ill-natured remarks about Penelope (xxiii. 149-151) as the Phæacians did about Nausicaa in Book vi. 273-288.

If, then, we observe that where the writer's invention is more laboured she is describing places foreign to her own neighbourhood, while when she carries conviction she is at or near her own home, the presumption becomes very strong that the more spontaneous scenes are not so much invention as a rendering of the writer's environment, to which it is plain that she is passionately attached, however much she may sometimes gird at it. I, therefore, dismiss the supposition of my supposed objector that the writer was not drawing Alcinous’ household and garden from life, and am confirmed in this opinion by remembering that the house of Ulysses corresponds perfectly with that of Alcinous—even to the number of the women servants kept in each establishment.

Being limited to a young woman who was an intimate member of Alcinous’ household, we have only to choose between some dependant who idolised Nausicaa and wished to celebrate her with all her surroundings, or Nausicaa (whatever her real name may have been) herself. 

[...]

 The fact that in the washing day episode, so far as possible, we find Nausicaa, all Nausicaa, and nothing but Nausicaa, among the female dramatis person, indicates that she was herself the young woman of Trapani, a member of the household of King Alcinous, whom we have got to find, and that she was giving herself the little niche in her work which a girl who was writing such a work was sure to give herself.

[...]

At the same time I think it highly probable that the writer of the "Odyssey" was both short and plain, and was laughing at herself, and intending to make her audience laugh also, by describing herself as tall and beautiful. She may have been either plain or beautiful without its affecting the argument.

I wish I could find some one who would give me any serious reason why Nausicaa should not have written the "Odyssey." For the last five years I have pestered every scholar with whom I have been able to scrape acquaintance, by asking him to explain why the "Odyssey" should not have been written by a young woman. 

Samuel Butler, The Authoress of the Odyssey

[alchemistbee]

Back in your Arms

「Five Hargreeves x reader」

Ask: Could you write a Five reader fic where y/n gets kidnapped by the Swedes and Five saves them. Thx

Words: 2556

Warnings: mentions of blood and torture. Kidnapping. Season two spoilers.

A/N: this is the first fic I’ve ever got requested. I hope I did it justice. I hope you enjoy! I know I took long to publish it, I apologize, school is kicking my ass. Sorry for grammatical errors. Enjoy!

[gif from @thisgameissonintendo ]

After having attended the horrific light brunch with the Hargreeves family, they were all feeling far more worse than when they had arrived. Five had explained to Sir Hargreaves each of their powers, Vanya had exploded a bowl of fruits, Allison rumored Diego, Diego got a very non-friendly slap of reality, Klaus seemed to have a seizure mid-dinner and Lurther confronted their father by ripping his shirt off in front of everyone.

In your opinion, it could have gone a lot better, but it could have also gone a lot worse.

Unlike the other siblings, Five had stayed behind and you had figured that it would be better to wait for him in the lobby. He was having a conversation with his father, whom he hadn't seen for over fifty years, he bet his ass you were going to wait for him. Especially after the horrible way he had spoken to the rest, you would be there for Five if he needed to. What you didn't know by then was that Five was trying to see if his father could tell him how to go back to 2019, one that didn't evolve making a deal with The Handler. Which, may I add, he hadn’t told anyone about, not even to you.

You waited patiently for Five, your back leaned against the wall while your arms intertwined in front of your chest. You counted the minutes that passed, not that you were in a hurry, but to hopefully make it seem like the time was passing faster. After almost twenty-seven minutes, the elevator emitted that one ‘bing’ it did whenever the doors were about to slide open. As you expected, it was Five, who now had his hands shoved inside his pockets and seemed quite puzzled. You asked him if he was okay, but Five only dismissed your question to tell you to go ahead of him to Elliott’s place. Apparently, there was something he needed to take care of, something he wasn't willing to explain to you just yet.

He knew that if he did tell you, you would either try to stop him or not let him do it on his own. Five didn’t want to drag you into Commission business. He found that not telling you of the plan all together was the easiest way to keep you from being in Commission's eyes, more than currently at least.

You nodded suspiciously towards Five, but did not push the subject any further. Maybe he just needed some time to let everything sink in, and it's not like you nor him considered the walk back to Morty’s dangerous. You could take care of yourself pretty well. You parted ways with Five, and walked back to Morty’s where you saw Elliott himself was just arriving too. He smiled kindly upon seeing you, to which you returned with a smile of your own. You had to be honest, you had grown to like Elliott more than expected. He was like that one cousin in the family, and you enjoyed hearing his rambles about any conspiracy he could think of. He truly was a sweetheart.

You followed Elliott up the stairs to his place, he carried a paper bag in hand, calmly telling you the things he brought back from the supermarket. You listened thoughtfully. Once inside. Elliott flickered the lights on and to both of your surprise, a cat sat in the middle in the kitchen. Elliott looked confused, but figured the cat must have somehow climbed in “Hey buddy, how did you get up here?”

He approached the kitchen casually, where he sat the bag down and looked at the cat as it meowed to him. You couldn’t help to feel your skin crawl. The nagging feeling of people watching you being present “Elliot?-” You turned your head to look behind you, swearing you had seen something lurking in the shadows. You averted your gaze back to him, now watching as he pulled out a tiny can of food for the cat and asked if it was hungry. You walked to the kitchen window, the one that let you view outside in case anyone was suspiciously close to the building. You saw nothing, but that was because you didn't know that they were already inside.

Your head snapped back to Elliot the moment a loud sound came from the living room, there you saw that one of the tall assassins had punched Elliott right on the side of his face. You felt your heart accelerate, and moved quickly to help him until you felt someone pull you up, stopping your tracks to help the man. The other assassin got a hold of you, if it hadn't been for your small body, you could have stopped the leader from hurting Elliott any further.

You saw the man try to scramble from his gun, but the other man was quicker to lift him up by the throat, asking the whereabouts of Diego. Upon receiving no answer, the man punched Elliott twice, this time letting his body fall harshly on the floor while blood dripped down his nose.

“Elliott!” You struggled under the second man’s hold. You couldn't move, you couldn't fight. The siblings were not even back and there was no way for you to contact them when the phone was this far “We don't know where Diego is! Leave him alone! He has nothing to do with this!” you pleaded loudly. The leader only shifted his gaze at you, studying the way your eyes flushed with fear. He was trying to figure out whether you were the one the woman had referred to not killing, you were merely a teen after all. Yet, not killing you didn't mean they could not use you for information.

After that little stare down happened, making you hope that maybe the men would not use Elliot as their little puppet..You were gravely mistaking. The man dragged Elliott through the living room, knocking over a lamp and breaking it before pinning him into the dentist chair violently. He kept asking for Diego, and Elliott is only able to answer with a “I d-dont know” while you keep battling for the second man to let go of you. At this point, you felt the tears welling in your eyes as you noticed him take the forceps, priding Elliott's mouth open and sticking them into his mouth.

“NO!” you cried out “ELLIOTT!”

Elliott’s screams filled the building alongside your pleas and cries, but as much as you told the men that none of you knew where Diego was, that didn't seem to make them stop. Not until Elliott’s body was drained from life entirely, the blood from his body splattered all across the floor and body. You couldn’t help the soft cries leaving your lips, calling his name out ever so softly in hopes of him still being alive but that’s when you felt a sharp pain come from the back of your head. The world turned black and your body fell not too far from Elliott’s chair after the second man got tired of holding you.

The brothers could use you. They could use you to lure Diego, the man they believed responsible for the murder of their younger brother.

The next day, after Diego and Lurther find Elliott’s body, they try to figure out who did this to Elliott. Diego believes it's the feds, but Lurther claims that was no work of feds but of a psychopath. Believing the words written below are a name, they search through the phone book until discovering the phone number linked to whom they believe is responsible for Elliott’s death; They phone the number up.

Five jumped into the building, quickly noticing the blood painted words on the floor, making him hurry up the stairs to meet Elliot’s body. He can feel a lump forming in his throat as he approaches it. There were clear signs of torture, there was something stuck into his left eye. Five couldn’t help to feel guilty. He liked Elliot, he was a good man, he had helped them and welcomed his siblings in without the slightest complaint. He had become one of them, and for that, his life paid the price.

Five followed the voices of Lurther and Diego through the kitchen, taking off his blue and blood dripped jacked as he heard the brothers threaten someone over the phone for killing one of them “Hey! It's Öga för Öga, idiots. Swedish for ‘an for en eye’. It means The swedes killed Elliott '' He didn't want to think how the missions went after his run; It was clear Diego and Lurther shared one brain cell.

“Wrong number, have a lovely day” Diego hanged the call, looking at Five and easily spotting the blood on his clothes “Uh, you got some blood on your clothes”

“A lot actually”, Diego added as Five pushed by them, entered the bathroom and turned the sink handle to let the water flow down. He grabbed a white towel, carefully washing the blood off of him as best as he could “I found a way home”

“What? How?”

“All the details are irrelevant but i made a deal to get back to our timeline”

“What about doomsday? And the 2019 apocalypse”

“won't happen. Everything will be back to normal” Five remarked exasperated “All right? No more questions. We gotta go. We have to find the other and get back in 77 minutes. Luther, you get Allison, Diego go get Klaus, I'll get Vanya, Y/N-“ he stopped his pacing all suddenly, eyes roaming the room and back to his younger siblings “Wait—Where’s Y/N?”

Five’s eyes widened as realization suddenly hit him and his siblings. He saw you last night, you were supposed to be here, why weren’t you here?

“They stayed after the brunch, we thought they were with you…” Diego, Five and Lurther shared a look, all of them now realizing that you had been taken by the men who killed Elliott.

“Dammit!” Five exclaimed angrily. He had just gotten a way back home, and you...You had been taken. How was he supposed to find you in such little time? He didn’t even know where to start.

“Calm down. Okay—We’ll find them—“ Diego started while Five started to pace around, muttering words under his breath “This was so simple. So simple!” He turned his head to look at them “I am going to go find Y/N, and get Vanya. We meet here as planned, this is our only chance to go back” Five raised his finger at them both before started to walk to the stairs, but stopped abruptly when he Diego spoke up once more

“You expect us to not help you—“ before Diego could finish his sentence, Five jumped from the small distance to right in front of his brother, raising his fingers with a threatening look “If you don’t do this, I swear I’ll kill you myself” he said more sternly “there's not enough time for all of us to go in a search, I’ll tell Vanya to meet up here. If i don't make it in time just go back home, I’ll manage a way back”

“How are you planning on finding them?” Was what Diego last said before Five teleported out of the building.

You woke up with a sharp breath. Your head was pounding and when you opened your eyes, you were welcomed with nothing but a blindfold on your eyes. You tried moving your arms. But soon found out they were tied down to your back while your ankles were tied against the legs of a chair “Shit” you muttered hoarsely, your throat was still dry from the crying. What the hell happened? Where were you?—

That’s when it hit you

“HELP! SOMEONE!” You tried to scream as loudly as you could, but considering the silence in wherever you were, you knew no one was coming to your aid. Strangely, the smell was like cat fur, and that was confirmed when you heard the several meows and the cat passing it’s tail over your leg.

How in the world were you going to get out of here now?

Five jumped all over town trying to find any clues, even the smallest, of your whereabouts. Even though he didn’t show it, he was extremely anxious and worried for your self being. He feared what the Swedes could be doing to you, or worst, what they had already done. The images of Elliott kept flashing back to him, and something in his stomach made him believe that if he didn’t hurry up, he would find you the same way.

He didn’t know whether it was luck or simple fate, but as he walked through the town he spotted the familiar milk truck that had followed them around for some instances. It was parked in front of an apartment, a quite small one, and Five knew that you should have been there. He kept looking down at his watch, counting the minutes they had left before having to go back to 2019.

They still had twenty minutes. He still had time, it was enough to save you and go back. At least he hoped so.

He watched The Swedes get in the truck, and without thinking it twice, teleported himself inside the cat filled apartment. His blue eyes roamed the place all over, scanning it for any trace of you until he heard a few knocks coming from a nearby closet. He didn’t waste time on pulling the door open.

Five’s eyes fell on you, and instinctively, you started to try and kick thinking that The Swedes were back again “Y/N!-Its me!-Y/N” he crouched down to your level, scanning your body for any signs of torture or harm. He sighed sharply, relieved to see that The Swedes hasn’t gotten their way with you. Gently, he reached out to pull your blindfold off. It broke him to see you like this.

Your eyes weren’t shining like they used to. They were completely flushed by pain, regret and fear “F-Five” you muttered softly, finding it hard to believe he had actually found you. You felt the ropes become loose on your legs and wrists, and the moment you had the chance, your body fell against Five’s. He held you firmly, worried that maybe you weren’t as okay as he thought you were. He was only relieved to have you back on his arms again, the place where he could make sure of your safety.

“F-Five—Elliott—I couldn’t s-save him” You started, tears stinging your eyes as you remembered what The Swedes did to the man “I c-couldn’t—“your shoulders shook alongside your small sobs.

“I know...It wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have left you” Five said softly, his arms slowly wrapping around you, hoping that would comfort you in the slightest “We have to go...I found a way back, but we need to go now or we’ll be stuck here forever” He pulled you up the ground, his thump caressing your tear stained cheeks while his free hand took a gentle hold of yours.

“You w-what? How?” You blinked twice, sniffing softly “Five, what did you do?”

“I’ll explain on the way...Let’s go home”

[thewhitejournal]

“The Intern” Part Three

Aaron Hotchner x Female!Reader

(not my gif)

hello all! i am so sorry for the wait, i know it’s been quite anticipated by some of you. i just got a little stuck but hopefully things are rolling again and going my way with the story so, please enjoy! :) the first part is here and the second part is here in case you haven’t read either yet.

feel free to message me/comment if you want to be tagged in future updates :)

content warnings: minimal cursing, light mention of abuse and violence

disclaimer: i am not a writer for criminal minds so therefore i cannot write the details of a case to save my life. i hope you can enjoy it despite the fact.

-

The pilot helped you halfway up the stairs to the jet; you walked with caution so you didn’t get your heels caught on a step. Boarding the jet, you turned to your right and walked into the cabin. All the teams’ eyes were on you, including Aaron.

“You all know our intern, (Y/N) (Y/L/N). I’ve invited her on this case, she’s on the team for now so treat her as such.” He told the rest of the team sternly. They all muttered things like “you got it” and “of course”. It made you smile. They were all very accepting of you already.

Morgan, Reid, JJ and Prentiss were sitting in the four chairs that faced the table, files and pictures spread out all over it. Rossi was on the couch, legs propped up on it as well. The only spot left where you could converse with the team was next to Aaron on the loveseat. You watched your feet as you walked past him, sitting down next to him. You still didn’t make eye contact with him, just the four that were currently discussing the case and their theories right in front of you. You tried watching him out the corner of your eye, but you couldn’t get a good look, and you didn’t want to be too obvious either.

“Maybe there was some kind of trigger with the original Oakland County killer? Reid, what do you know?” Derek asked; all eyes were on Spencer now. Spencer sighed, shaking his head.

“The Oakland County Child killer was never caught. They had a DNA profile, but it didn’t match either suspect or anyone else in connection with the case. So there’s no way to tell.”

“So this probably isn’t an exact copycat, right?” Despite your nerves, you spoke up. The teams’ heads turned to look at you. You were still trying to learn, but that didn’t mean you weren’t afraid to mess up in front of them. They were the professionals.

Derek shrugged. “Probably, that’d be my guess too.” Some of the other guys nodded their heads; you didn’t miss the upward twinge on Hotch’s lips. You weren’t sure what that meant, but surely it was good, right?

“Morgan and Prentiss, you’ll go to the crime scene, see if there’s any type of signature on the body or at the scene. Dave and Reid, I want you to go talk to the parents, see what you can find out. JJ, you, (Y/N) and I will set up at the station.”, Hotch said. At the mention of yours and JJ’s name in the same sentence, you two made eye contact. She gave you a bright smile, and you returned it. You liked her already; her energy was so pleasant to be around.

Of course, you didn’t slide over the fact that Hotch said your first name so casually; your heart fluttered at the sound of your name on his lips. The team nodded curtly, gathering the contents of each file and compiling it again. The jet would be landing in about an hour, and everyone resorted to their forms of ways to pass the time.

Morgan plugged in some headphones and laid against the seat, getting lost in whatever was flowing through those speakers. Reid pulled out a book, flipping through the pages at a speed you couldn’t do while also understanding the material. Rossi opened the file again, eyes flickering over all the material. JJ held a light conversation with Prentiss about their personal lives; you didn’t listen in, even though they were among everyone else and it wouldn’t have necessarily been considered rude.

Your leg was crossed over the other, body facing away from Hotch, but you started to lose feeling in the leg on the bottom, so you switched, crossing your ankles. Your body shifted closer to Hotch; this was entirely coincidental, but he changed positions at the same time you did. He brought his knee up and sat in a way that his leg was against your thigh. You’d expected him to move, but he didn’t. You felt frozen; sure, you didn’t mind the physical contact, even something so small. The thing you were really worried about was the team or even Aaron noticing that you were flustered, so you tried your best to keep your feelings under wraps.

Distracting yourself with the case file seemed like the best option at the time, so you opened it up and read over all the details again, gory and sad as they were. Suddenly, it felt like Aaron moved even closer to you. Surely he was teasing you or something at this point. You decided to take the risk and look over at him, but not before making sure the rest of the team was preoccupied first.

He was reading a book; you couldn’t tell what it was, but the size of his hands made the book look so tiny in his palm. You watched his fingers move so gracefully as he turned the next page, and you looked up at his face. His light brown eyes moved back and forth as they took in every line on the page, but suddenly he slowly turned his head and looked at you.

You wanted to look away, but it was like you were in a trance of some kind. His eyes searched your face, and he looked different than usual. His expression was soft, like how you’d seen in the picture on his desk of him and his son. He looked genuinely relaxed; even though you hadn’t known him long, you knew this was very rare. The left corner of his lip twinged upwards into a tiny smile, and how could you not return it? The exchange was small, but not to you.

You both turned your attention back to the reading material in your hands, a smile on your face. There was one trying to show on his lips, too.

~

The ride to the police station was short; Aaron drove while you and JJ sat in the back. She made conversation with you about your life and you asked about hers, which you didn’t mind. But all you could think about was Aaron was listening to every little detail you shared about yourself, gaining knowledge about you while you had little to none about him. And it’s not like he probably wouldn’t have figured out most of these things on his own; it is his job, after all, to figure people out. He was damn good at it too.

Hotch parked the car out front and you all got out. He held the door open for you and JJ, but you didn’t walk in first. You left that up to either Aaron or JJ. Hotch took the lead, which did not surprise you in the least. The sheriff greeted him almost immediately.

“Hey, thank y’all so much for coming up. It means the world to us. I’m Sheriff Bradbury.” The two men shook hands. Aaron turned his body so you and JJ were more visible to the sheriff.

“These are agents Jareau and (Y/L/N).” Your heart felt like it was going to burst; he introduced you as ‘agent’. You’ll admit, the sound of it was nice to hear. The sheriff reached out to shake yours and JJ’s hands, giving you an acknowledging nod.

“Everything you requested is just in that room there.” Sheriff Bradbury gestured to an empty conference room with a whiteboard standing against the wall and a box of what you assumed to be the case files and other information you hadn’t yet been provided with.

“Thank you.” Aaron told him, giving him a curt nod and walking to the room, you and JJ in suit. There were only about three or four boxes on the table, which didn’t seem like much to you, so that was a relief. Some of the boxes were files and evidence from the case that the current unsub seemed to be copying; most of the boxes were older. There seemed to be not much information on the newest case. But you were sure that was going to change soon.

Hotch thought it would be a good idea for a pair of fresh eyes like yours to analyze the older case files, so he started showing you what to look for and how easiest to find connections between the two cases. He said he would help you look over them because the information on the ‘77 case rivaled the files on the new one in an outstanding amount. JJ started combing over the finer details of the newest case but watching the two of you interact at the same time.

Aaron sat in the office chair next to you, looking over and perceiving the information in front of him much quicker than you could. You had to keep reminding yourself that he did this every day, and this was your first time. Being next to him calmed the nerves you had wiring inside you though; it was unexplainable. Something about his presence was just so...right, to you.

After having settled into your seat and your role, for the most part, you realized it was a bit chilly in the conference room. You pulled your blazer closer to your body, clasping the button on the front. JJ unrolled her sleeves and buttoned them at her wrists, attention never breaking from the papers in front of her. The slight chill to the room seemed to have no effect on Aaron, which didn’t surprise you. He was still reading over the file in his hand, dark brows furrowed on his forehead.

A sudden shiver went down your spine.

“It is kinda chilly in here, hm?” JJ remarked, rubbing her arms. She pulled her suit jacket over her shoulders. You just chuckled at her statement. You liked the little small talk and the fact that with each passing second, there was no awkward silence. Suddenly, Aaron sat the file that was in his hand down on the table and pulled his arms from his jacket, removing it. JJ raised a brow slightly at this, watching his next move. You were too, just trying not to make it as obvious.

The jacket was in his hand now and outstretched to you. Your face began to heat up. JJ watched for your reaction, but Aaron didn’t look over at you.

“Thank you Hotch, but I’m okay-“ He interrupted you. He looked over at you now, a soft look in his eyes but the small stern look still on his face.

“I insist, (Y/L/N).” Shyly, you took it and draped it over your shoulders, returning to your work. Mostly so that your face was faced more towards the papers and not to him, just in case your cheeks were red. As you turned away, you swore you saw a little smile on his face.

“Thank you.” You mumbled. He hummed in an acknowledging tone.

The jacket was warm, almost a bit overwhelmingly so. It smelled like him, too. The actual smell was hard to place, but it made sense that that’s what he smelled like. Maybe a little bit of cinnamon and vanilla, oddly enough. It was a very cozy and homey smell, and you loved it. You resisted the urge to snuggle into it; you imagine it was almost as good as actually hugging him.

Some time passes as the three of you read over the material in front of you. You read some police reports of some of the suspects in their younger years; they acted out quite a bit. The main suspect was the focus of your attention; he had been charged for things like vandalism, arson, all the way up to domestic disputes with his girlfriends. It didn’t make sense to you. These activities usually describe several different types of unsubs, not just a single one. Not all of these crimes usually fit in with one type of killer.

What was also strange to you was the fact that the original killer strayed away from one gender in his victims; the reason why was usually harder to put a finger on. There’s usually no sexual motive behind someone like this. You were just remembering things from what you’d seen at the beginning of some of your textbooks. The types of killers you might see and how they act. That was about all of the information you had on them though; your further work went more into the technical side of things. You liked being in the field, but you felt useless. You didn’t have the kind of knowledge the rest of the team did about this type of work. Hopefully, you could contribute, you thought to yourself.

“Anyone find anything?” Hotch spoke up. This was your chance. Even though you hadn’t found anything solid, it was still something. But you waited to hear from JJ first. She sighed, shaking her head. Aaron looked over at you. You cleared your throat.

“I saw that the main suspect in ‘77 had a lot of charges in his youth, but they’re all over the place. I just don’t think it makes sense.” Your eyes didn’t leave the paper in front of you. But the two agents’ gazes were on you. You felt it was probably best to meet their eyes, as much as you were surprisingly afraid to meet Aaron’s. You looked up, eyes meeting JJ’s first.

“I mean, he was charged with arson and domestic violence, several times for both. We don’t usually see unsubs with so many outlets for their rage, right? Usually, they just pick one and stick with it.” You looked over at Hotch. His eyebrows were knitted together, but his body language suggested he was open to your ideas. One arm propped up on the table, the other resting in his lap, his body turned towards you. The palm of his hand that was on the table outstretched, motioning for you to hand him the file. You complied immediately.

He read over it, seeing what you meant. “She’s right. Usually, it’s either physical violence or arson, not both.” JJ nodded in agreeance.

“So what does that mean?” You asked aloud to no one in particular. Suddenly, Rossi and Reid enter the room. Your body froze, not because you were cold this time. You remembered Aaron’s jacket was still over your shoulders. You shrugged it off so that it fell behind your back, hopefully before Spencer and Rossi could notice.

“The parents said Nathan was on a gaming website where chat rooms were available and that’s likely how the two met. The unsub probably lured him out that way. He likely asked Nathan to meet him in real life under the ruse that he was around Nathan’s age. Was that Hotch’s jacket?” Spencer stated, then asked the question as if it were nothing. Your face started to grow red and JJ tried to hide a smile. Before you could object or try to say anything in defense of yourself, Aaron spoke up.

“The unsub has evolved, its unlikely it can be the same unsub or anyone close to them. The original suspect would’ve continued luring his victims without any technology, stuck to his ways.” You saw Rossi smirking at you and Hotch, realizing Reid’s observation was correct.

“So this unsub is like a modern-day version of the original?” JJ asked. You agreed silently, as did most of the team. They continued discussing the details of the case and new things they’d found, along with Derek and Prentiss who’d just entered the room a minute or two ago. They talked about what they saw at the crime scene, which wasn’t much. You couldn’t focus on anything they were saying or if you had anything to contribute, plus you weren’t sure what to say. You had zero experience with how to work an actual case, you’d only done a couple of exercises at the beginning of your classes.

“(Y/L/N)?” Hotch’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. It was just the two of you in the room, for the first time. You hadn’t noticed the rest of the team had left. You looked over at him, shaking your head internally. How could you be so out of it, in the middle of something so important? Maybe you were better off as a tech analyst, as much as you wanted to be as close to Aaron and the team as possible.

“Sorry, I guess I got kind of preoccupied.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, sighing and closing your eyes.

“With what?” Aaron asked you. You scoffed lightly, turning and getting his jacket from behind you and handing it to him. His brows were knitted together as they usually were, but his eyes were a softer brown, filled with something you might place as concern. He reluctantly took the jacket, draping it over his knee. “Is everything okay, (Y/N)?”, he questioned again. Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of your first name on his voice.

“I don’t think I’m right for the field.” He didn’t answer you; he just sat there, listening for what you had to say. You sighed. “I never know what’s right or wrong to say,” you continued, “I don’t know what it means when an unsub acts the way they do or anything that you all are already skilled in. Maybe I would just be better in Quantico, behind a screen.” For some reason, it felt like a confession. You felt guilty, maybe that you’d disappointed him in some way.

“(Y/N), I’m not going to tell you where to go or what to do. Go wherever you’re more comfortable, there’s no pressure. But while you’re here, I want your head in it. Can you do that?” You only nodded, hardly meeting his eyes. His hand rested on top of yours, pulling your eyes to meet his.

“I’m here for you.” He said in a low tone with a small smile, patting your hand. You returned the smile, looking into his amber eyes. Something in the air sizzles between the two of you, but you can’t quite place what the feeling is. But it feels mutual.

He stands, pulling his jacket on. “We’re going to check into the hotel, do you want a ride?” He starts gathering his briefcase and all the files he was looking at together.

“No, I think I’ll just walk.” You say slyly, flashing a smile at him. He looks concerned for a moment like he didn’t realize you were kidding. But then he chuckles, looking at the floor. Your smile grows wider at the fact that you made him laugh.

“Come on, (Y/L/N).”

“Yes, sir.”

-

tags:

@dilaudidwinchester

@awriterincrime

@art-and-thoughts

@royallybookish

@bihoeofmanyfandoms

[deathbecomesnerds]

I posted 12,856 times in 2021

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For every post I created, I reblogged 60.2 posts.

I added 456 tags in 2021

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#probably not a good idea to move to maine if i want to do that--but i don't want to move to cali cause of reasons

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I feel like my mutuals/friends/favs and I should have a contingency plan in place in case this paywall thing backfired and Tumblr goes down…

@hotdamnhunnam @rayslittlekitten @autumnleaves1991-blog @animalkingdom-an0nymous @ben-bcrnes @charnelhouse

36 notes • Posted 2021-07-22 13:25:30 GMT

#4

“Guy Talk” Raymond/Astrid

Mickey sat with his Scotch and Ray with his cup of tea in the dimly lit kitchen of the Pearson estate on a stormy Saturday night. Ros was off visiting her parents for the weekend, and Astrid was off at the disco with her friends--her biweekly ritual without Ray. 

As the two men sat around the island going over paperwork, Mickey took a sip of his drink while looking at Ray who glanced at his phone as it buzzed before he gently pushed it away to focus back on the paperwork.

“So, what’s Astrid up to tonight?” Mickey asked. 

Ray didn’t answer at first, dotting one last ‘i’ before he looked up at his boss “She’s out with friends…” 

Mickey hummed “She went out on a night like tonight? And you let her?”

Ray clenched his jaw at his boss, blinking harshly before adjusting his glasses “It doesn’t matter what I want--every other Saturday, her and her friends go out and they do whatever they do, and then I see her Sunday morning. Bright as a Daisy.” he said.

Mickey smiled before taking another sip “...tell me about Astrid. Put the paperwork away, we can deal with that shit on Monday--I wanna know how you two happened!” he said, sitting across from his consigliere.

“Boss, I--”

“No, no, you’re not wiggling your way out of this!” he said, pouring a glass of Scotch for Ray “I’ve put a lot of time, energy, and money into Astrid, I wanna know! Besides, I’ve known you for a long time, Ray, and women don’t come easily to you; and if they do come--they don’t stay very long.” Mickey remarked, staring Ray down when he finally caved. 

Ray groaned, blinking hard before adjusting his glasses and stared at his boss for a moment before his look softened and Ray sighed “She is...amazing.” he said, grabbing the glass of Scotch “She’s so smart. Kind, funny, strong! I love talking to her, we can talk for hours about anything, and…” Ray paused, sighing lightly before taking a sip from his drink “...and she makes me feel human.” he said softly “Like there is more to me than my job, and I love that.” 

Mickey smiled softly “How’s the sex?”

Ray furrowed his brow at him, the question bothered him but not enough for him to feel guilty about answering. 

“It’s amazing.” 

Mickey chuckled “Oh, really?”

Ray couldn’t stop himself from blushing before he took another swig of the Scotch “Look, I’m not going to tell you the details of my sex life, because it’s none of your fucking business. However...I wouldn’t mind putting a little bun in her oven.” 

“Kids? Really? Well, fuck me, Ray--did she steal your heart?” he teased.

“She stole my heart long before we got together. When I first laid eyes on her, I knew she was the one; I saw this tiny blonde in a Lavender dress as she leaned up from bending down to look at me...I didn’t care what I’d have to do to get her, so long as I did.” Ray told Mickey, whose smile grew as he looked at him.

Mickey took a sip of his drink “Well, Ray, I think a simple coffee date would have sufficed, instead of shooting up her business.” 

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” Ray asked.

Mickey shook his head “Not if Astrid and I have anything to say about it.” 

Ray gently stretched in his chair and scoffed “If I hadn’t, I would probably still be pining, instead of going home and fucking the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.” he said, glancing down at his watch before finishing his drink. 

“You fuck her good?” 

Ray smirked, putting the Scotch glass down “I fuck her real good.” he said before standing up “But if you’ll excuse me, it’s been a long day and we should both get some sleep.” 

“Yeah, sleep, that thing I sometimes do while watching the news...I think…” Mickey joked.

Ray chuckled with a gruff “Yeah, that thing that’s actually a fairytale, unless Astrid’s home.” 

“She move in?” Mickey asked.

Ray shook his head “We keep talking about it, but…” he trailed off.

“Right. Right.” Mickey said with a nod.

Ray grabbed the paperwork and put it all away in his binders before he nodded to Mickey “Night, Boss…” he said before leaving. 

The house was quiet, but the Foyer light was on as Ray walked in--he didn’t remember turning it on as he hummed to himself before taking his coat off, before turning to walk further into his home when he tripped on something and looked down to see…

A single stiletto heel.

Ray groaned “Astrid.” he murmured to himself as he leaned down to pick up the shoe and put it next to its pair that was tucked under the table against the wall. 

He turned off the light, walking up the stairs and towards his bedroom where the bedroom door was opened and a light was on--it had to be Astrid. And yet, he was still surprised as he walked into his room to find Astrid fast asleep, with her book dangling on the edge of her side of the bed; she looked so peaceful, and Ray felt a ball of warmth in his chest as he realized: this is home. 

His light footsteps hurried to her side of the bed so he could catch her book, gently bookmarking her place before Ray rested the book on her night table. He smiled as he looked her over, the calm look on her face as she slept soundly in her sweatshirt put Ray at ease before he walked away to get ready for bed. 

The storm outside was still going as he finally crawled into bed, Ray groaned as he looked at his clock before finally getting comfortable in bed when Astrid rolled on her side and cuddled close to the gruff gentleman. 

He couldn’t stop himself from chuckling as Astrid’s hand rested gently on his chest while she hummed.

“How was your night?” Ray asked her. 

Astrid sighed as she opened her eyes “It was an absolute waste of a Saturday night. It started flooding downtown so it took us forever to get to the club, and then people were being absolute assholes, and then the music was trash.” she said before looking up to Ray “...and then on the drive home, it was so bad that I had Celeste drop me off here cause it was closer to her flat.” she murmured. 

Ray couldn’t help but pout, his Star not being able to enjoy her Saturday night bummed him out as he rested his hand on top of hers “I’m sorry it was a rough night, but you guys can always do it again next Saturday…” he offered.

She shook her head “Can’t. Remember, we have that banquet at Mickey’s?” she reminded him.

He hummed as he remembered, looking up at the ceiling while he nodded “That’s right…we do. Well, I do, you can feign sickness and then just go paint the town red while I schmooze with bored aristocrats.” He offered.

Her laugh echoed through the bedroom and Ray could feel his heart accelerate as the joy of it made him smile while he looked at her “I’m serious!” 

“I know you are, but I already got a dress and scheduled a whole hair and make-up appointment. You’re stuck with me, my love!” She told him.

Ray smirked “Stuck, am I?” He asked coyly as he turned his body to face her “I don’t feel stuck…” he whispered to her.

Astrid let a small smile out “I like going. I know for you, it’s boring and you want to cunt punt a couple of the guests and roll your eyes, but I genuinely like going. Unless you don’t want me there?”

“No! I always want you there. With me. Give those pretentious cunts something to think about: that I go home with you, you beautiful star.” Ray said with a hum.

She chuckled before letting a long yawn out “Well, I’ll be there—making their wives jealous, or furious, but in the meantime…” she groaned as she laid back onto her side of the bed. 

Ray frowned, scooting close to Astrid to hold her close “I wanted to cuddle!”

“We can cuddle,” Astrid agreed “But I’m going to pass out soon. It’s late, Ray...we should both get some sleep.” she insisted.

The gentlemen looked her over, memorizing her features as she fought her eyes of the sleepiness she was slowly succumbing to that not even the storm outside could distract her from. Ray scooted back to his spot on the bed, taking off his glasses and turned off his lamp before moving back towards Astrid and held her close.

The storm outside lulled Astrid to sleep while Ray laid awake, looking at Astrid in the dark while the lightning would illuminate her for moments at a time. 

He loved her, and he loved this. Those quiet moments of stability in a chaotic life when the words suddenly spilled from his lips.

I want you to move in.” He murmured. 

Astrid turned in her sleep, and Ray thought she didn’t hear him when he finally rested his head on the pillow next to Astrid.

“Okay.” She murmured back to him.

Ray smiled “Alright. Good.” He said before letting his tired body take him.

37 notes • Posted 2021-10-23 00:38:23 GMT

#3

52 notes • Posted 2021-03-14 23:54:22 GMT

#2

“His Queen” -- King Arthur 18+ Smut

Sooo...I did a thing. I apologize in advance, HOWEVER--it took me 16 days to write this, so here we are! @hotdamnhunnam​ challenged me for her Kinkfest celebration and I have delivered...to the best of my ability with the following kinks: 

- Jealousy/Possessive - Breathplay (I went back to it, sorry) - Breeding Kink (My favorite *smirk*)

I’m sorry if it’s too short, not sexy enough, or not good enough. But I am satisfied with this, and that’s all that matters. 

Sir Tristan and William stood at the King’s throne, glancing at each other while he stroked his beard and clenched his jaw.

“And you’re sure?” Arthur finally asked.

William nodded “Yes, my King. I saw it with my own eyes.”

Arthur nodded, standing up from his throne before stomping out of the room, leaving his two friends behind while he stormed his way to her chambers. He could feel his anger boiling to the surface, and he didn’t even knock on her door, but barged in as she pulled out the lacing of her dress.

She rolled her eyes, before letting her hands fall to her side as she looked at Arthur “Your Majesty.” she didn’t even bother bowing.

He stood just a foot away from her, his nostrils flared as he looked her over while every emotion he ever felt hit him all at once: happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, horiness. She brought it all out of him and for his eyes to lay upon her made him feel he was in the presence of a goddess or something more.

“Lady Charlotte,” he greeted back in a hiss.

She sighed “Well, since you’re here…” she turned her back to him, gently looking over her shoulder at him “You mind?” she asked.

Arthur pulled at the lacing roughly, looking over the features of her face before finally releasing her from the tight grasp of her dress; Arthur immediately grabbed her neck from behind and pulled her against his body.

“You think I like being humiliated? Am I a joke to you?” he hissed in her ear.

Charlotte gasped for air, gently clawing at his hand “No, Your Majesty.” she choked out.

Arthur gripped tighter “Then why the fuck were you with him in the gardens earlier today? You didn’t think I would hear about it?” he yelled at her, now cutting off her air flow before suddenly releasing her and pushing her away from him and onto the bed.

“Or did you think that I would somehow be enlightened by the idea of another man touching you the way that I do?” Arthur asked her, though Charlotte did not respond as she gasped for air.

Charlotte shook her head after a prolonged silence, when she finally sat up while Arthur leaned to face her eye level “You are not Sir Percival’s. You are mine. And I will not share you with any other man, especially my friends,” he hissed at her before grabbing her face to look at him “Do you understand me?”  

“Yes, Your Majesty.” Charlotte said firmly.

Arthur released his grip and turned away from her for a moment, looking around her modest bed chambers before glaring back at her “Stand up.”

Charlotte did not hesitate as she did, looking away from him as to not meet his gaze while he stood in front of her, watching as her wavy hair framed her face and obscured his view as he pushed the strands away--her chest heaving slightly.

He turned her face to look at him, the both of them locking eyes before he leaned in to kiss her while he began to push the dress off of her shoulders and let the dress begin to fall from her body.

Charlotte could feel a chill down her spine as he did, feeling his hands push her dress down past her hips and letting it fall to the floor before he pulled away from the kiss, witnessing her naked body apart from the flimsy piece of fabric covering the one spot Arthur wanted to see most.

“Soon, you will be my Queen, and England’s…” he muttered to her.

She scoffed “I will be your Queen no sooner than pigs can fly,” she remarked “Perhaps you would have better luck marrying your Mage?” she smirked at him.

Arthur glared at her, she was feisty tonight--perhaps it was the thrill of knowing she got under his skin? Or knowing the power she wields? He couldn’t be sure, all he knew was that he wanted to wipe that look off of her face and listen to her moan his name, remind her that she was his everything.

He continued glaring, gently pushing her down onto the bed again as he took his shirt off, exposing his broad shoulders and chiseled muscles that made all the ladies of the kingdom swoon when he heard Charlotte huff and sigh before looking up at Arthur.

“I can’t do this,” she said unamused “You haven’t even touched me yet, and I feel completely unfulfilled.” she stood up and looked at him, her tone and attitude completely changed as well as her demeanour.

Arthur had never been more confused, tilting his head at her “What?”

Charlotte sighed “Of course I knew word would get back to you! That’s why I lured Sir Percival to the Gardens; because I know that somebody is always watching.” she told him “You haven’t touched me in weeks, Arthur--weeks. Off doing ‘Kingly’ things, I suppose, with all the other women?”

Arthur shook his head softly “There are no other women.” he said, cupping her face.

“Just like there are no other men.” Charlotte insisted.

Arthur sighed “Once you become Queen…”

“I don’t know if I want to,” Charlotte interrupted him, “Me? A Queen? Maybe you should actually marry the Mage--could be a better political marriage.”

Arthur shook his head “I don’t want to marry the Mage...in fact, I don’t think she would want anything to do with me. She’d probably turn me into a snake or something undesirable if I were to even ask her.”

Charlotte giggled “You’d be a very cute snake.”

He kissed her “Shut up, and lie down on the bed.”

“Make me,” she whispered against his lips.

Arthur didn’t hesitate as he pushed Charlotte into the bed, climbing top of her so she wouldn’t get away, he chuckled as he looked down at her: such beauty, how the Gods could have brought him such a specimen, he would never know; but at this moment, all he knew was that his desire to be with her was too strong to resist.

He grabbed her throat again, gently this time “However…” he got her attention, losing any lovey feelings that were vibrating in the room “If you ever do that again, I will punish you.” he spoke low.

“You are mine, Charlotte. Nobody else's.” he hissed.

Charlotte smirked “Why don’t you punish me now?” she toyed with him “A good King would make an example of all subjects the first time they make a mistake.”

Arthur arched an eyebrow “I will,” he remarked “In fact, your punishment will be to carry my heir. And then you will have to be my Queen.” he kissed her collar bone “Don’t want a bastard on your hands now, do you?” he asked.

She scuffed, looking up at him “Give me your heir. I dare you.”

He squeezed her throat with one hand while his other undid his pants and pulled them down below his knees, kicking off his shoes before climbing on top of Charlotte and pushing his pants off entirely, exposing his massive hard cock.

Charlotte looked down to see it, feeling her thighs quiver and her core get wetter by just the sight of the King’s appendage.

Arthur noticed her looking, smirking at her while his hand around her throat got tighter, now cutting off circulation again as he forced her to look up at him “Only the Queen gets to stare.” he muttered to her, his free hand ripping her panties off of her body, now exposing her entirely naked body to him.

She shivered as goosebumps formed all over her skin, and another chill fell down her spine before she gripped Arthur’s hand that was around her throat. Charlotte struggled for a moment as she felt Arthur’s cock begin to brush against her clit, she choked on a gasp while her hips moved against his cock, wanting to be filled with him immediately.

“Your Majesty,” she struggled out.

Arthur looked at her “What?”

Charlotte looked desperately into his eyes “Your Majesty, please…” she struggled again.

“Please what?”

She gasped for air, and Arthur loosened his grasp slightly, waiting for her to beg for his cock like she would never get it again after tonight.

“Please fuck me!” Charlotte cried out.

He smirked, and she didn’t have to ask again as he shoved his massive cock into her small cunt, pushing all the way in and almost came just listening to Charlotte scream at the abrupt intrusion. Arthur stood still for a moment, releasing his grasp of Charlotte’s neck if just to give her a moment to adjust as she grabbed onto his hips.

Charlotte hummed after adjusting, chuckling to herself with her hands still firmly gripping his hips, she looked up at him and bit her lip “Punish me, your majesty! ” she begged.

Arthur’s thrusts forced her entire body forward, looking down at her body as he punished it for the good of the country and himself “You fucking whore,” he muttered to her “How dare you turn your back on your King!” Arthur yelled, his thrusts hitting Charlotte as hard as his words.

She moaned, her hand snaking down in between her legs to begin rubbing her clit, giving her an extra boost of pleasure as Charlotte closed her eyes.

He grabbed her throat again, getting her attention as she snapped her eyes open and looked up at him with lust in her eyes.

“Look at me while I’m breeding you!” Arthur yelled.

Charlotte nodded, gasping from the pleasure while the friction in her legs got faster and rougher from both her hand and Arthur’s cock, she arched her back slightly to get a better angle on Arthur’s cock, though it was short lived before he pushed her back down onto the bed furiously.

“You think you deserve to get off on my cock?” Arthur hissed at her before grabbing the hand on her clit and pushed it away “Not after what you did! Lay there and take my cock, you whore!” He remarked.

Arthur pulled out of Charlotte, flipping her over and pulling her hips back to where she was on her knees. He pushed his cock back into her with such vigor while his eyes were hungry with lust, lust for the power and control he had over Charlotte.

She attempted to silence a moan, tilting her head back and looking up at Arthur who grabbed a handful of her hair and forced her head further back to see him, Arthur grunted with every thrust, watching Charlotte as she gripped tightly to the bed sheets as he fucked her furiously.

“I can’t wait to see it,” he growled, closing his eyes to imagine it all “Your belly swelling with my heir, and as soon as you have him, I’ll make you have another. And another. And another.” He hissed.

Arthur’s thrusts got rougher with every word, he opened his eyes and looked down at Charlotte as she whimpered, gripping behind her at his hips but missing them with every thrust.

“Your Majesty, please. Make me your Queen.” Charlotte cried out.

He felt his cock twitch at her words, begging him to fill her up and he would oblige as he held tightly to her hips and vigorously thrusted into her when he felt the mental pop in his head, his thrusts becoming uncoordinated as he filled Charlotte up with his warm cum.

She could feel it, the warmth from his cock painting her walls and just on that feeling alone, she was close to climax herself.

“Arthur…” she whimpered out, looking out the window of her room while he gave one last thrust to make sure that she received all of his seed before he slowly pulled out.

He looked down, examining his handiwork as his cum dripped out of her and down her leg; the excitement it brought him made his cock ache for her again but he softly laid next to her, both gasping for air as Charlotte landed on her back.

“Are you alright?” Arthur asked, stroking her arm.

Charlotte nodded “Yes. I just wished you would have let me—“

“I will. We have all night.” He assured her “I’m gonna make you cum so hard, you won’t see straight for a week.” He said before leaning in to kiss her.

She giggled. Charlotte looked into his blue eyes and stroked his collar bone “So...that plan of yours…”

Arthur chuckled back at her “The second you find out, we will wed.” He told her.

“So, we just get married right then and there? You crown me Queen and then we live happily ever after?” she asked him.

Arthur smiled “Absolutely. Queen Charlotte of England. It has a very nice ring to it.”

Charlotte hummed as she looked up at the ceiling “Well, you better work harder than you have for anything else tonight...otherwise, you will be left disappointed.” she remarked.

He grunted at her “Very well,” he said, climbing on top of her again.

71 notes • Posted 2021-03-16 18:58:22 GMT

#1

RAYMOND SMITH MASTERLIST

Because I need to feel important, here’s a Masterlist of every Raymond Smith fic/smut/what-have-you I’ve ever written. A majority of these are on A03, and you can check out my Dashboard here. 

But for all individual stories...

**IT GOT LONG ENOUGH, I PUT EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT.** Sorry--not sorry.

* Minor Smut ** All The Smut *** Various Trigger Warnings (Viewer Discretion is Advised)

**Mess (1) (2) (3)

‘Not Your Concern’

The Unfortunate Reunion (FULL FIC)

‘This Is The Life’

Sick Day

**‘Leave Tonight’

*Peanut Butter

The Imposter [Raymond/Jax Crossover] (1) (2***)(3***)

Girls Night

**Birthday

**The Rules

Untitled Ficlet

**Mr. And Mrs. Smith

...And Baby Makes 3

Papers

Home (1)

Enniss

The Handbag

Astrid’s Night

Revelations 

Services Rendered (Part 1)  (Part 2**)

*Teething

The Plan

Revenge (Sequel to Papers)

The Box

Celeste

Baby’s First Trick’r’Treating

Mommy

Missing 

Guy Talk

The Meeting

Chaos Is Ones Own Demise***

For One Night**

The Break-Up (1)

159 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 03:40:49 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[twitchstoleyourbagel]

So I’m posting my fic here until my AO3 account gets approved :) this is my first fic, please enjoy!

EC - 8538

Gender - Female

Chapter 1

85 walked down the blinding white, lifeless halls of the Kaminoan cloning facility. Most if not all of the cadets who had passed her raised a brow or stared at her as they passed, and she didn’t blame them. A human female living in the same facility as a bunch of boys who had probably never seen a girl before would be an odd sight. 85 was an experimental clone, she had been told there was another experimental female but she never had the chance of meeting her.

There had been a few batches that the Kaminoans took creative liberty with but none survived. All but one anyways. Though she didn’t know if the squad had a name or not (she wasn’t told much) like most batches such as the Domino squad, or Hurricane squad, she did know that they had enhanced senses or something like that. One had good eyesight, the other was really big and apparently strong, one was smart and the other could feel things. She didn’t even know if those were the actual enhancements of the squad, she had only heard it from other cadets talking about them.

Finally she reached the training facility, apparently she was going to train with the Spirit squad today, hopefully she stays with this one. After so long of jumping around, training with different squads trying to see if she got along with any of them, this better be the last one. She quickly changed into her training gear and ran out to meet the clones. They turned to meet her and their eyes grew wide.

As expected. She internally sighed to herself.

“Hey guys, I’m EC - 8538, or you can just call me 85.” The girl with fluffy purple hair stuck her hand out for them to shake which instead they just stood there, glancing at one another. That was until one of the clones with longer, curly hair, stepped forward and shook it firmly.

“Pleasure to meet you, 85. I’m Hopper, that’s Quill, 77, and 24.” He gestured to himself and then pointed to the men behind him. They had to be 7th or 8th year cadets, Hopper was extremely professional and cut to the chase. 77 gave her an awkward wave and a lopsided smile, his messy hair fell down into his eyes and he reached up to fix it, not looking as happy as he did a second ago. And 24 nodded but kept quiet

Huh. He looks a little shy? Or just reserved?

She brought her hand back to her side and it twitched, soon her neck followed suit and she cursed under her breath. Damn Kaminoans and all their testing. Hopper raised a brow when her face scrunched up while her neck twitched.

“Hey she twitches!” 77 called out like they couldn’t all see. He received a smack in the arm by the brother standing next to him. “Ow.”

85 cleared her throat and rolled her neck, trying to shake it off. Hopper still looked at her as if waiting for an explanation and Quill had a concerned look on his face.

“It happens all the time, don’t worry it doesn’t affect my fighting if that’s what you guys are worried about.”

Quill glanced at Hopper and then back at the girl.

“Are you an experimental clone? Are you even a clone at all?”

She barked a Hah! At his question. It wasn’t a bad question, in fact his curiosity was to be expected. However she made a bet with herself on the way to the facility. The bet was if someone was gonna ask something along the lines of that question.

“Yeah, I am. I know there’s been a few batches before me but none made it. I know of one that is out on the field, I think there’s also another female clone who’s been dispatched with a squad but I never met her.” She frowned at the thought, staring at the ground thoughtfully.

The doors hissed and the trainer walked in. Joy. A tall, red, Togrutan male walked through the doors with his hands folded behind his back. Reese glared at them and they immediately snapped to attention, staring straight at the wall. 85 tried to hide the shudder that the trainer had sent down her spine as he walked by. She felt a twitch coming on from nervousness but tried her best to keep it down, however her hands did begin twitching.

“You are going to be doing a level 8 difficulty training exercise today. With a new.. addition to the team,” He flicked his eyes to 85. “I want to see how you 5 will work together as a team dynamic. EC - 8538 is an experimental clone, her particular… difference and skill I want to see today is her enhanced reflexes,”

Quill shot a quick glance at Hopper while the trainer wasn’t looking.

Kriff kriff kriff-

Her neck jerked to the left and her arms were brought up to her chest. Rule number one when a trainer is addressing you (especially one as strict as Reese) do not break attention. And that’s exactly what she did.

“Is there a problem, EC - 8538?” Reese snapped in her face. She tried her best not to flinch and get back to attention.

“No, Sir.” She stood straight, chin up, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.

“Stay at attention when I address you. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Now, as I was saying, you will be running a level 8 training course today, and if you do not pass, you will restart.”

Tension arose in the room after 85 was yelled at by Reese, it only escalated when he threatened to restart the simulation if they failed to complete it.

“Grab your guns. The test will begin momentarily.” With that, he turned on his heel and made his way to the top of the room where he could oversee the course.

Hopper glanced at her before picking up one of the training blasters provided and handed another one to Quill. She sighed and found one for herself. 77 came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder and nodded to her. What kind of nod it was supposed to be was unknown, but she liked to think it was a ‘you got this’ notion. She smiled at him before taking her place on the floor, waiting patiently for the rest to join her. Hopper stood next to her and the rest followed after him.

“Alright everyone, take your positions. 85, I want you with me.” He glanced around at the squad and then to her.

“Yes, Sirrrr.” She raced after him behind cover and the simulation began. The ultimate goal was to take the ‘capital’ preferably without losing a team member. Granted they would only be stunned but it still didn’t help much. Hopper peeked over the cover they were standing behind and landed a few shots on a B1 training battle droid, taking it down. Across the left to them, Quill yanked 77 down just in time for a blaster bolt to skim over his head. With wide eyes he nodded his thanks to his vod before peeking over again.

The girl stayed by Hopper through most of the simulation. After 30 minutes they had finally advanced to the capital, all they had to do was to take out the droids inside. Rushing into the building, a battle droid aimed and shot for her. A bolt skimmed right by her nose but due to her enhanced reflexes she had dodged it just in time, right after it had passed she raised her blaster and killed the droid.

“Nice work, 85!” Hopper praised through comms. Across the room she could see him take down two droids

“Yeah! Twitchy here is doing pretty good!” 77 chirped in her ear as he pushed 24 out of the way of what was going to be a direct hit.

Twitchy… I like it.

“Why thank you, gentlemen. Not so bad yourself.” If there was one thing she was certain about in life it was that she liked this squad. When she was first told she was training with the Spirit squad she had low hopes. Like the rest of the squads she had trained with, they had seen her differently, not as a sister but a freak.

“Man, they really weren’t joking when they said level 8!” Quill yelled while running from three droids, all firing at him. 85 whipped around and downed two of them, Hopper finishing the third one. He bent down to help his brother up from his hiding spot from the floor. “Thanks, vod.” With a nod, he ran off with Quill following close behind.

“Almost there, boys!” She ran down the hall and began to vault herself over the wall to reach the mark that ended the simulation. Sudden searing pain in her abdomen sent her crashing into the ground, her gun falling out of her hands. When she looked up to see what had hit her, a training commando droid was rushing towards her.

“Commandos!” She was able to choke out through the pain. It wasn’t as painful as a real blaster wound but man did it still hurt. Her neck jerked to the side and her legs seized up.

Not good, not good, not good-

77 came crashing through the course, shooting the commando droid with Hopper to his left, taking out any threats. Once the droid fell he rushed over to 85s side and tried to help her, but he wasn’t Quill. He didn’t know what to do in a medical situation! Nervously, he tried to hold her legs still and calm her down, which seemed to work a little. “C’mon, twitch. We’re almost there.”

She groaned and slowly sat up, after a few seconds she braced herself on 77 arms and stood up. He bent over and handed her the gun she dropped, giving her an encouraging smile. “Alright, let’s go! I don't wanna do this again!” They ran side by side, shooting droids and climbing over the obstacles. After a few more minutes of running and vaulting, the pole was in sight. All they had to do was show Reese that they had the pole and he would end the simulation. Sweat trickled down her forehead as she and 77 booked it for the finish, soon enough she could hear the rest of them following.

77 was the first to reach the pole and yanked it out of its place cheering in excitement, Hopper, Quill, 24, and 85 all gave each other pats on the back.

“Great job everybody!” Hopper praised everyone and playfully punched Quill's shoulder. He looked back with a smile but his focus remained on the girl, she had taken a blow from one of the blasters and it seemed to have a decent effect on her. The training simulation shut down and the squad was released to their barracks to change and head to the mess hall.

_______________________

85 slipped on her boots and hurried to catch up with her new squad. “Heeeyyyyy!” She raised her hand for a high five at 77 once she saw him in the hall, instead he just stood there. “... you’re supposed to hit my hand. It’s a high five?” If these boys didn’t know what a high five was, there might be a slight problem. He hesitantly tapped her hand with his and she smiled.

“Nice job back there! You got some good reflexes.” He began walking down the hall that led to the cafeteria.

“Thanks. That’s my ‘enhancement’ or whatever you wanna call it. I got freaky fast moves.” She wiggled her fingers. Before 77 could reply, the rest of Spirit Squad came up behind them. They walked through the doors to the cafeteria and got in line with their trays. 85 could practically feel the others' eyes on her but she tried her best to just ignore them and get her food. Once she filled her tray, she followed Hopper to an empty table and sat across from him. The rest followed, 77 sitting next to her while Quill and 24 sat on Hopper's side.

“Welcome to the squad, 85.” Hopper smiled at her, happy to have a new addition.

“Twitch.”

“What?”

“Twitch, my name is Twitch.”

It was at that moment she saw 77 grow the biggest smile she had ever seen on a person, he was pretty much grinning from ear to ear.

“Well, Twitch,” Hopper's cup rose in the air. “Welcome to the Spirit Squad.” They all raised their cups and clinked them together before taking a sip. Everyone was smiling, even the more shy, 24.

“It’s good to be her-“

“Well well well, if it isn’t the freak. How did a lab rat end up in a squad like this?” Another clone squad passed their table, taunting Twitch. They laughed at the clone's harsh words but were cut off when Twitch replied.

“You lookin’ for a smack in the face, shabuir?” She had turned around to fully face the clone and stare him directly in the eyes. No bullying today, she would not let these idiots ruin her good day. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the rest of her squad stiffen, they seemed shocked like this wasn’t a regular occurrence.

“Oh it talks!”

It? Oh you’re dead.

Anger bubbled up inside of her and she reached up and grabbed his wrist, twisting it backwards causing him to drop his tray and food. He broke free from her grip and if looks could kill, she would most definitely be dead right now. The squad behind him puffed up their chests, ready for a fight. While she really didn’t want to fight, she was having a nice lunch with her new squad, it was their fault they picked on her. She couldn’t help the way that she was. Her neck twitched to the left and she sighed when they started snickering,

Hopper stood up from the bench he was sitting on to speak. “Listen, Fellas. We don’t want any trouble, just go your own way please.” The clones looked at Twitch once more before walking over to their own table, still side eyeing them occasionally.

“Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to start trouble-”

“Why are you apologizing? They should be the ones asking for forgiveness, you don’t deserve that. No one does.” 77 placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to get his point across.

“Yeah, Twitch it’s okay. We’re not mad at you, but… does that happen often?” Hopper scooted back into his seat.

“Uhm…” She didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, it did happen a lot. So often she just accepted that it was normal. “Yeah… yeah pretty often, but I shouldn’t have grabbed him, I don’t know.”

“Well he deserved it.” 24 piped up. That was the first time Twitch had heard him speak, and it was defending her. “Next time anyone does that to you, you have every right to fight back.”

“Thanks guys.” She took a bite of the food that was on her plate, casting a glance at the table that the clone who mocked her moved to. One locked eyes with her for a second but quickly looked away, snickering to the table.

Yeah, you guys are real comedians.

77 slid his hand off her shoulder and continued to eat. Quill had that look on his face, one he had seen too many times, the one where he wanted to ask a question but was unsure of how to approach it. He very slightly motioned to Twitch, who was very focused on her food, all her spark had fizzled out. Oh if he could beat up those clones right then and there he would’ve, but he didn’t want to start a mess hall fight, those happened too often and he didn’t wanna get written up for misbehavior.

“So… if you don’t mind me asking,” Quill finally voiced his curiosity. “Why do you twitch? And wouldn’t it throw out your neck if you did it enough?”

“No, I don’t mind at all. You actually have a really good question there. I personally have no idea why I twitch, it could be the result of testing or just that I’m an experimental clone. It could just be a defect,” She shrugged. “My neck takes the brunt of it and it’s sore sometimes, some days worse than others. Apparently,” Twitch rested her elbow on the table, holding her fork. “I twitch a lot when I’m experiencing ‘extreme emotions’ at least that’s what the Kaminoans say, I’m not told much.”

“Oh…” He wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that. “W-Well if you have a sore neck sometime I might be able to help.”

“Quill here has a dream of being a CMO so he takes whatever chance he gets to practice medical.. things.” 77 explained.

“Hey, that's not the right term!”

“Oh who cares.”

“Uh- I do??”

“Guys, guys. No bickering.” Twitch raised her hands to shush them before anything else could be said. “Quill, that would be awesome if you could help my neck sometime, it’s been giving me some problems lately.” His eyes lit up and he nodded.

Hopper sent a kind smile her way before he continued to eat his food.

Once they finished in the mess hall, Twitch was summoned to the medical bay. With a very heavy sigh, she waved bye to her squad and trudged down the cold halls reluctantly.

If you got this far, thank you! ♥️

[achraf4you]

WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT MUHAMMAD [ PART 1 ]

Lamartine, Histoire de la Turquie, Paris 1854, Vol II, pp. 276-77:

“If greatness of purpose, smallness of means, and astounding results are the three criteria of human genius, who could dare to compare any great man in modern history with Muhammad?

The most famous men created arms, laws and empires only. They founded, if anything at all, no more than material powers which often crumbled away before their eyes. This man moved not only armies, legislations, empires, peoples and dynasties, but millions of men in one-third of the then inhabited world; and more than that, he moved the altars, the gods, the religions, the ideas, the beliefs and souls... the forbearance in victory, his ambition, which was entirely devoted to one idea and in no manner striving for an empire; his endless prayers, his mystic conversations with God, his death and his triumph after death; all these attest not to an imposture but to a firm conviction which gave him the power to restore a dogma. This dogma was twofold, the unit of God and the immateriality of God; the former telling what God is, the latter telling what God is not; the one overthrowing false gods with the sword, the other starting an idea with words.”

“Philosopher, orator, apostle, legislator, warrior, conqueror of ideas, restorer of rational dogmas, of a cult without images; the founder of twenty terrestrial empires and of one spiritual empire, that is Muhammad. As regards all standards by which human greatness may be measured, we may well ask, is there any man greater than he?”

Edward Gibbon and Simon Ocklay, History of the Saracen Empire, London, 1870, p. 54:

“It is not the propagation but the permanency of his religion that deserves our wonder, the same pure and perfect impression which he engraved at Mecca and Medina is preserved, after the revolutions of twelve centuries by the Indian, the African and the Turkish proselytes of the Quran...The Mahometans[1] have uniformly withstood the temptation of reducing the object of their faith and devotion to a level with the senses and imagination of man. ‘I believe in One God and Mahomet the Apostle of God’, is the simple and invariable profession of Islam. The intellectual image of the Deity has never been degraded by any visible idol; the honors of the prophet have never transgressed the measure of human virtue, and his living precepts have restrained the gratitude of his disciples within the bounds of reason and religion.”

Bosworth Smith, Mohammed and Mohammadanism, London 1874, p. 92:

“He was Caesar and Pope in one; but he was Pope without Pope’s pretensions, Caesar without the legions of Caesar: without a standing army, without a bodyguard, without a palace, without a fixed revenue; if ever any man had the right to say that he ruled by the right divine, it was Mohammed, for he had all the power without its instruments and without its supports.”

Annie Besant, The Life and Teachings of Muhammad, Madras 1932, p. 4:

“It is impossible for anyone who studies the life and character of the great Prophet of Arabia, who knows how he taught and how he lived, to feel anything but reverence for that mighty Prophet, one of the great messengers of the Supreme. And although in what I put to you I shall say many things which may be familiar to many, yet I myself feel whenever I re-read them, a new way of admiration, a new sense of reverence for that mighty Arabian teacher.”

W. Montgomery, Mohammad at Mecca, Oxford 1953, p. 52:

“His readiness to undergo persecutions for his beliefs, the high moral character of the men who believed in him and looked up to him as leader, and the greatness of his ultimate achievement – all argue his fundamental integrity. To suppose Muhammad an impostor raises more problems than it solves. Moreover, none of the great figures of history is so poorly appreciated in the West as Muhammad.”

James A. Michener, ‘Islam: The Misunderstood Religion’ in Reader’s Digest (American Edition), May 1955, pp. 68-70:

“Muhammad, the inspired man who founded Islam, was born about A.D. 570 into an Arabian tribe that worshipped idols. Orphaned at birth, he was always particularly solicitous of the poor and needy, the widow and the orphan, the slave and the downtrodden. At twenty he was already a successful businessman, and soon became director of camel caravans for a wealthy widow. When he reached twenty-five, his employer, recognizing his merit, proposed marriage. Even though she was fifteen years older, he married her, and as long as she lived, remained a devoted husband.

“Like almost every major prophet before him, Muhammad fought shy of serving as the transmitter of God’s word, sensing his own inadequacy. But the angel commanded ‘Read’. So far as we know, Muhammad was unable to read or write, but he began to dictate those inspired words which would soon revolutionize a large segment of the earth: “There is one God.”

“In all things Muhammad was profoundly practical. When his beloved son Ibrahim died, an eclipse occurred, and rumors of God’s personal condolence quickly arose. Whereupon Muhammad is said to have announced, ‘An eclipse is a phenomenon of nature. It is foolish to attribute such things to the death or birth of a human-being.’

“At Muhammad’s own death an attempt was made to deify him, but the man who was to become his administrative successor killed the hysteria with one of the noblest speeches in religious history: ‘If there are any among you who worshipped Muhammad, he is dead. But if it is God you worshipped, He lives forever.’”

Michael H. Hart, The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons in History, New York: Hart Publishing Company, Inc. 1978, p. 33:

“My choice of Muhammad to lead the list of the world’s most influential persons may surprise some readers and may be questioned by others, but he was the only man in history who was supremely successful on both the religious and secular level.”

[ffej16]

THEinc-HIM Daily Bible Meditation - February 17 - Full Text

FEBRUARY 17

PSALMS:  17, 47, 77, 107, 137

PROVERBS: 17

OLD TESTAMENT: 1 SAMUEL 5:1 - 7:17

NEW TESTAMENT: JOHN 6:1 - 21

PSALMS: 17

1 Hear, LORD, my righteous plea;

Give ear to my prayer, that doesn't go out of deceitful lips. 

2 Let my sentence come forth from your presence;

Let your eyes look on equity. 

3 You have proved my heart;

you have visited me in the night;

You have tried me, and found nothing;

I have resolved that my mouth shall not disobey. 

4 As for the works of men,

by the word of your lips I have kept myself from the ways of the violent. 

5 My steps have held fast to your paths,

My feet have not slipped. 

6 I have called on you, for you will answer me, God:

Turn your ear to me.

Hear my speech. 

7 Show your marvelous loving kindness,

You who save those who take refuge by

your right hand from their enemies. 

8 Keep me as the apple of your eye;

Hide me under the shadow of your wings, 

9 From the wicked who oppress me,

My deadly enemies, who compass me about. 

10 They close up their callous hearts.

With their mouth they speak proudly.

11 They have now surrounded us in our steps.

They set their eyes to cast us down to the eretz. 

12 He is like a lion that is greedy of his prey,

As it were a young lion lurking in secret places. 

13 Arise, LORD, Confront him, cast him down.

Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword; 

14 From men by your hand, LORD,

From men of the world, whose portion is in this life,

Whose belly you fill with your treasure:

They are satisfied with children,

Leave the rest of their substance to their babes. 

15 As for me, I shall see your face in righteousness;

I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with seeing your form.

PSALMS:  47

1 Oh clap your hands, all you nations.

Shout to God with the voice of triumph! 

2 For the LORD Elyon is awesome.

He is a great King over all the eretz. 

3 He subdues nations under us,

And peoples under our feet. 

4 He chooses our inheritance for us,

The glory of Ya`akov whom he loved.

Selah. 

5 God has gone up with a shout,

The LORD with the sound of a shofar. 

6 Sing praise to God, sing praises.

Sing praises to our King, sing praises. 

7 For God is the King of all the eretz.

Sing praises with understanding. 

8 God reigns over the nations.

God sits on his holy throne. 

9 The princes of the peoples are gathered together,

The people of the God of Avraham.

For the shields of the eretz belong to God.

He is greatly exalted!

PSALMS:  77

1 My cry goes to God! Indeed,

I cry to God for help,

And for him to listen to me. 

2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord.

My hand was stretched out in the night, and didn't get tired.

My soul refused to be comforted. 

3 I remember God, and I groan.

I complain, and my spirit is overwhelmed.

Selah. 

4 You hold my eyelids open.

I am so troubled that I can't speak. 

5 I have considered the days of old,

The years of ancient times. 

6 I remember my song in the night.

I consider in my own heart;

My spirit diligently inquires: 

7 "Will the Lord reject us forever?

Will he be favorable no more? 

8 Has his loving kindness vanished forever?

Does his promise fail for generations? 

9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?

Has he, in anger, withheld his compassion?"

Selah. 

10Then I thought,

"I will appeal to this:

The years of the right hand of Ha`Elyon." 

11 I will remember the LORD's deeds;

For I will remember your wonders of old. 

12 I will also meditate on all your work,

And consider your doings. 

13 Your way, God, is in the sanctuary.

What god is great like God? 

14 You are the God who does wonders.

You have made your strength known among the peoples. 

15 You have redeemed your people with your arm,

The sons of Ya`akov and Yosef. Selah. 

16 The waters saw you, God.

The waters saw you, and they writhed.

The depths also convulsed.

17 The clouds poured out water.

The skies resounded with thunder.

Your arrows also flashed around. 

18 The voice of your thunder was in the whirlwind.

The lightnings lit up the world.

The eretz trembled and shook. 

19 Your way was through the sea;

Your paths through the great waters.

Your footsteps were not known. 

20 You led your people like a flock,

By the hand of Moshe and Aharon.

PSALMS:  107

1 Give thanks to the LORD,

For he is good,

For his loving kindness endures forever. 

2 Let the redeemed by the LORD say so,

Whom he has redeemed from the hand of the adversary, 

3 Gathered out of the lands,

From the east and from the west,

From the north and from the south. 

4 They wandered in the wilderness in a desert way.

They found no city to live in. 

5 Hungry and thirsty,

Their soul fainted in them. 

6 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,

And he delivered them out of their distresses, 

7 He led them also by a straight way,

That they might go to a city to live in. 

8 Let them praise the LORD for his loving kindness,

For his wonderful works to the children of men! 

9 For he satisfies the longing soul.

He fills the hungry soul with good. 

10 Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,

Being bound in affliction and iron, 

11 Because they rebelled against the words of God,

And condemned the counsel of Ha`Elyon. 

12 Therefore he brought down their heart with labor.

They fell down, and there was none to help. 

13 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,

And he saved them out of their distresses. 

14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,

And broke their bonds in sunder. 

15 Let them praise the LORD for his loving kindness,

For his wonderful works to the children of men! 

16 For he has broken the gates of brass,

And cut through bars of iron.

17  Fools are afflicted because of their disobedience,

And because of their iniquities. 

18 Their soul abhors all kinds of food.

They draw near to the gates of death. 

19 Then they cry to the LORD in their trouble,

He saves them out of their distresses. 

20 He sends his word, and heals them,

And delivers them from their graves. 

21 Let them praise the LORD for his loving kindness,

For his wonderful works to the children of men! 

22 Let them offer the sacrifices of thanksgiving,

And declare his works with singing. 

23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,

Who do business in great waters; 

24 These see the LORD's works,

And his wonders in the deep. 

25 For he commands, and raises the stormy wind,

Which lifts up its waves.

26 They mount up to the sky;

they go down again to the depths.

Their soul melts away because of trouble. 

27 They reel back and forth, and stagger like a drunken man,

And are at their wits' end. 

28 Then they cry to the LORD in their trouble,

He brings them out of their distress. 

29 He makes the storm a calm,

So that its waves are still.

30 Then are they glad because it is calm,

So he brings them to their desired haven. 

31 Let them praise the LORD for his loving kindness,

For his wonderful works to the children of men! 

32 Let them exalt him also in the assembly of the people,

And praise him in the seat of the Zakenim. 

33 He turns rivers into a desert,

Water springs into a thirsty ground, 

34 And a fruitful land into a salt waste,

For the wickedness of those who dwell in it. 

35 He turns a desert into a pool of water,

And a dry land into water springs. 

36 There he makes the hungry to live,

That they may prepare a city to live in, 

37  Sow fields, plant vineyards,

And reap the fruits of increase. 

38 He blesses them also, so that they are multiplied greatly.

He doesn't allow their cattle to decrease. 

39 Again, they are diminished and bowed down

Through oppression, trouble, and sorrow. 

40 He pours contempt on princes,

And causes them to wander in a trackless waste. 

41 Yet he lifts the needy out of their affliction,

And increases their families like a flock.

42 The upright will see it, and be glad.

All the wicked will shut their mouths. 

43 Whoever is wise will pay attention to these things.

They will consider the loving

kindnesses of the LORD.

PSALMS:  137

1 By the rivers of Bavel, there we sat down.

Yes, we wept, when we remembered Tziyon. 

2 On the willows in the midst of it,

We hung up our harps. 

3 For there, those who led us captive asked us for songs.

Those who tormented us demanded songs of joy:

"Sing us one of the songs of Tziyon!" 

4 How can we sing the LORD's song in a foreign land? 

5 If I forget you, Yerushalayim,

Let my right hand forget its skill. 

6 Let my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth,

If I don't remember you;

If I don't prefer Yerushalayim above my chief joy. 

7 Remember, LORD, against the children of Edom,

The day of Yerushalayim;

Who said, "Raze it! Raze it even to its foundation!" 

8 Daughter of Bavel, doomed to destruction,

He will be happy who rewards you,

As you have served us. 

9 Happy shall he be,

Who takes and dashes your little ones against the rock.

PROVERBS: 17

1 Better is a dry morsel with quietness,

Than a house full of feasting with strife. 

2 A servant who deals wisely will rule over a son who causes shame,

And shall have a part in the inheritance among the brothers. 

3 The refining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold,

But the LORD tests the hearts. 

4 An evil-doer gives heed to wicked lips.

A liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue. 

5 Whoever mocks the poor reproaches his Maker.

He who is glad at calamity shall not be unpunished. 

6 Children's children are the crown of old men;

The glory of children are their parents. 

7 Arrogant speech isn't fitting for a fool,

Much less do lying lips fit a prince. 

8 A bribe is a precious stone in the eyes of him who gives it;

Wherever he turns, he prospers.

9 He who covers an offense promotes love;

But he who repeats a matter separates best friends. 

10 A rebuke enters deeper into one who has understanding

Than a hundred lashes into a fool. 

11 An evil man seeks only rebellion;

Therefore a cruel messenger shall be sent against him. 

12 Let a bear robbed of her cubs meet a man,

Rather than a fool in his folly. 

13 Whoever rewards evil for good,

Evil shall not depart from his house. 

14 The beginning of strife is like breaching a dam,

Therefore stop contention before quarreling breaks out. 

15 He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the righteous,

Both of them alike are an abomination to the LORD. 

16 Why is there money in the hand of a fool to buy wisdom,

Seeing he has no understanding? 

17 A friend loves at all times;

And a brother is born for adversity. 

18 A man void of understanding strikes hands,

And becomes collateral in the presence of his neighbor. 

19 He who loves disobedience loves strife.

One who builds a high gate seeks destruction. 

20 One who has a perverse heart doesn't find prosperity,

And one who has a deceitful tongue falls into trouble. 

21 He who becomes the father of a fool grieves.

The father of a fool has no joy. 

22 A cheerful heart makes good medicine,

But a crushed spirit dries up the bones. 

23 A wicked man receives a bribe in secret,

To pervert the ways of justice. 

24 Wisdom is before the face of one who has understanding,

But the eyes of a fool wander to the ends of the eretz. 

25 A foolish son brings grief to his father,

And bitterness to her who bore him. 

26 Also to punish the righteous is not good,

Nor to flog officials for their integrity. 

27 He who spares his words has knowledge.

He who is even tempered is a man of understanding. 

28 Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is counted wise.

When he shuts his lips, he is thought to be discerning.

OLD TESTAMENT: 1 SAMUEL 5:1 - 7:17

5:1 Now the Pelishtim had taken the ark of God, and they brought it from Even-Ha`ezer to Ashdod. 2 The Pelishtim took the ark of God, and brought it into the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon. 3 When they of Ashdod arose early on the next day, behold, Dagon was fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. They took Dagon, and set him in his place again. 4 When they arose early on the next day morning, behold, Dagon was fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands [lay] cut off on the threshold; only [the stump of] Dagon was left to him. 5 Therefore neither the Kohanim of Dagon, nor any who come into Dagon's house, tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod, to this day. 6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy on them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and struck them with tumors, even Ashdod and the borders of it. 7 When the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the God of Yisra'el shall not abide with us; for his hand is sore on us, and on Dagon our god. 8 They sent therefore and gathered all the lords of the Pelishtim to them, and said, What shall we do with the ark of the God of Yisra'el? They answered, Let the ark of the God of Yisra'el be carried about to Gat. They carried the ark of the God of Yisra'el [there]. 9 It was so, that after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great confusion: and he struck the men of the city, both small and great; and tumors broke out on them. 10 So they sent the ark of God to `Ekron. It happened, as the ark of God came to `Ekron, that the `Ekroni cried out, saying, They have brought about the ark of the God of Yisra'el to us, to kill us and our people. 11 They sent therefore and gathered together all the lords of the Pelishtim, and they said, Send away the ark of the God of Yisra'el, and let it go again to its own place, that it not kill us and our people. For there was a deadly confusion throughout all the city; the hand of God was very heavy there.12 The men who didn't die were struck with the tumors; and the cry of the city went up to heaven.

6:1 The ark of the LORD was in the country of the Pelishtim seven months. 2 The Pelishtim called for the Kohanim and the diviners, saying, "What shall we do with the ark of the LORD? Show us with which we shall send it to its place." 3 They said, "If you send away the ark of the God of Yisra'el, don't send it empty; but by all means return him a trespass-offering: then you shall be healed, and it shall be known to you why his hand is not removed from you." 4 Then they said, "What shall be the trespass-offering which we shall return to him?" They said, "Five golden tumors, and five golden mice, [according to] the number of the lords of the Pelishtim; for one plague was on you all, and on your lords. 5 Therefore you shall make images of your tumors, and images of your mice that mar the land; and you shall give glory to the God of Yisra'el: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land. 6 Why then do you harden your hearts, as the Mitzrim and Par`oh hardened their hearts? When he had worked wonderfully among them, didn't they let the people go, and they departed? 7  Now therefore take and prepare yourselves a new cart, and two milk cattle, on which there has come no yoke; and tie the cattle to the cart, and bring their calves home from them; 8 and take the ark of the LORD, and lay it on the cart; and put the jewels of gold, which you return him for a trespass-offering, in a coffer by the side of it; and send it away, that it may go. 9 Behold; if it goes up by the way of its own border to Beit-Shemesh, then he has done us this great evil: but if not, then we shall know that it is not his hand that struck us; it was a chance that happened to us." 10 The men did so, and took two milk cattle, and tied them to the cart, and shut up their calves at home; 11 and they put the ark of the LORD on the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their tumors. 12 The cattle took the straight way by the way to Beit-Shemesh; they went along the highway, lowing as they went, and didn't turn aside to the right hand or to the left; and the lords of the Pelishtim went after them to the border of Beit-Shemesh. 13 They of Beit-Shemesh were reaping their wheat harvest in the valley; and they lifted up their eyes, and saw the ark, and rejoiced to see it. 14 The cart came into the field of Yehoshua the Beit-Shimshite, and stood there, where there was a great stone: and they split the wood of the cart, and offered up the cattle for a burnt offering to the LORD.15 The Levites took down the ark of the LORD, and the coffer that was with it, in which the jewels of gold were, and put them on the great stone: and the men of Beit-Shemesh offered burnt offerings and sacrificed sacrifices the same day to the LORD. 16When the five lords of the Pelishtim had seen it, they returned to `Ekron the same day. 17 These are the golden tumors which the Pelishtim returned for a trespass-offering to the LORD: for Ashdod one, for `Aza one, for Ashkelon one, for Gat one, for `Ekron one; 18 and the golden mice, according to the number of all the cities of the Pelishtim belonging to the five lords, both of fortified cities and of country villages, even to the great stone, whereon they set down the ark of the LORD, [which stone remains] to this day in the field of Yehoshua the Beit-Shimshite. 19 He struck of the men of Beit-Shemesh, because they had looked into the teivah of the LORD, he struck of the people fifty thousand seventy men; and the people mourned, because the LORD had struck the people with a great slaughter. 20 The men of Beit-Shemesh said, Who is able to stand before the LORD, this holy God? and to whom shall he go up from us? 21 They sent messengers to the inhabitants of Kiryat-Ye`arim, saying, The Pelishtim have brought back the ark of the LORD; come you down, and bring it up to you.

7:1 The men of Kiryat-Ye`arim came, and fetched up the ark of the LORD, and brought it into the house of Avinadav in the hill, and sanctified El`azar his son to keep the ark of the LORD. 2 It happened, from the day that the ark abode in Kiryat-Ye`arim, that the time was long; for it was twenty years: and all the house of Yisra'el lamented after the LORD. 3 Shemu'el spoke to all the house of Yisra'el, saying, If you do return to the LORD with all your heart, then put away the foreign gods and the `Ashtarot from among you, and direct your hearts to the LORD, and serve him only; and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Pelishtim. 4 Then the children of Yisra'el did put away the Ba`alim and the `Ashtarot, and served the LORD only. 5 Shemu'el said, Gather all Yisra'el to Mitzpah, and I will pray for you to the LORD. 6 They gathered together to Mitzpah, and drew water, and poured it out before the LORD, and fasted on that day, and said there, We have sinned against the LORD. Shemu'el judged the children of Yisra'el in Mitzpah. 7 When the Pelishtim heard that the children of Yisra'el were gathered together at Mitzpah, the lords of the Pelishtim went up against Yisra'el. When the children of Yisra'el heard it, they were afraid of the Pelishtim. 8 The children of Yisra'el said to Shemu'el, "Don't cease to cry to the LORD our God for us, that he will save us out of the hand of the Pelishtim." 9 Shemu'el took a sucking lamb, and offered it for a whole burnt-offering to the LORD: and Shemu'el cried to the LORD for Yisra'el; and the LORD answered him. 10 As Shemu'el was offering up the burnt offering, the Pelishtim drew near to battle against Yisra'el; but the LORD thundered with a great thunder on that day on the Pelishtim, and confused them; and they were struck down before Yisra'el. 11 The men of Yisra'el went out of Mitzpah, and pursued the Pelishtim, and struck them, until they came under Beit-Kar. 12 Then Shemu'el took a stone, and set it between Mitzpah and Shen, and called the name of it Even-Ha`ezer, saying, Hitherto has the LORD helped us. 13 So the Pelishtim were subdued, and they came no more within the border of Yisra'el: and the hand of the LORD was against the Pelishtim all the days of Shemu'el. 14 The cities which the Pelishtim had taken from Yisra'el were restored to Yisra'el, from `Ekron even to Gat; and the border of it did Yisra'el deliver out of the hand of the Pelishtim. There was shalom between Yisra'el and the Amori. 15 Shemu'el judged Yisra'el all the days of his life. 16 He went from year to year in circuit to Beit-El and Gilgal, and Mitzpah; and he judged Yisra'el in all those places. 17 His return was to Ramah, for there was his house; and there he judged Yisra'el: and he built there an altar to the LORD.

NEW TESTAMENT: JOHN 6:1 - 21

6:1 After these things, Yeshua went away to the other side of the sea of the Galil, which is also called the Sea of Tiberias. 

2 A great multitude followed him, because they saw his signs which he did on those who were sick. 

3 Yeshua went up into the mountain, and he sat there with his talmidim. 

4 Now the Pesach, the feast of the Yehudim, was at hand. 

5 Yeshua therefore lifting up his eyes, and seeing that a great multitude was coming to him, said to Pilipos, "Where are we to buy bread, that these may eat?" 

6 This he said to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. 

7  Pilipos answered him, "Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that everyone of them may receive a little." 

8 One of his talmidim, Andrai, Shim`on Kefa's brother, said to him, 

9 "There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are these among so many?" 

10 Yeshua said, "Have the people sit down." Now there was much grass in that place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand. 

11 Yeshua took the loaves; and having given thanks, he distributed to the talmidim, and the talmidim to those who were sitting down; likewise also of the fish as much as they desired. 

12 When they were filled, he said to his talmidim, "Gather up the broken pieces which are left over, that nothing be lost." 

13 So they gathered them up, and filled twelve baskets with broken pieces from the five barley loaves, which were left over by those who had eaten. 

14 When therefore the people saw the sign which Yeshua did, they said, "This is truly the prophet who comes into the world." 

15 Yeshua therefore, perceiving that they were about to come and take him by force, to make him king, withdrew again into the mountain by himself. 

16 When evening came, his talmidim went down to the sea, 

17 and they entered into the boat, and were going over the sea to Kafar-Nachum. It was now dark, and Yeshua had not come to them. 

18 The sea was rising by reason of a great wind that blew. 

19 When therefore they had rowed about twenty-five or thirty stadia, they saw Yeshua walking on the sea, and drawing near to the boat; and they were afraid. 

20 But he said to them, "I AM. Don't be afraid." 

21 They were willing therefore to receive him into the boat. Immediately the boat was at the land where they were going.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Fifteen: Migration ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: River Runs Deep ] [ AO3 Link ]

When Sasuke wakes, it’s to the sight of the canvas of his tent overhead. A familiar one, and yet...in so many ways, it’s different now.

Or, rather...where he’s set up camp is what makes all the difference.

For weeks now, the Uchiha have been on an involuntary migration. While they once occupied their own district within their home city - loyal samurai to their lord - they were forced to flee when war overtook them, and their lord surrendered, abandoning them.

Given their ties to a conquered man...they were all set to be hunted until death.

There was no time to take anything important. If you couldn’t carry it, it was left behind. They saddled their horses, strapped on their blades...and fled.

Days and days were passed running their mounts to their limits, trying to outpace their pursuers. Camps were cold and dark in an attempt to go unseen after nightfall, many of said nights spent walking on foot, gear muffled to try and make time. All they had to do, they were sure, was pass the mountains to the north of their homeland. Perilous, foreboding things that stood along the horizon like a great wall. But should they survive the trek...it would be an obstacle few on their trail would dare face.

The climb was perilous. Loose stones threatened to steal their feet out from under them. Gnarled roots sprung up from the ground to catch inattentive feet and twist ankles of men and mounts alike. And there were no trails - just steep, jagged inclines covered with thick flora and fog.

It was only a matter of time before someone got lost. And that someone was the younger son of their clan head: Uchiha Sasuke. Separated, he knew only to keep going - to try and meet them on the other side.

What he found instead was like a fairytale.

A mysterious valley between the peaks, inhabited by a shrine and a miko. But why would a shrine be so deeply buried in the mountains…?

He was warned to leave, and never return lest he incur the wrath of the god.

Though Sasuke had long lost faith in the concepts of gods and spirits, nor was he one to entirely discount them...especially if they were a threat. Carrying the secret of the strange village with him, he was allowed to leave, and by some miracle found his kin.

Then a traitor, seeking to return, had to be hunted down. Should he reach their foes and spill their secret, they’d lose the small respite they’d gained by crossing the mountains. So Sasuke took the challenge, returning to the peaks only to find the man dead of his own accord: slipped and claimed by the mountains.

And by some stroke, Sasuke wandered back into that same valley...and this time, came face to face with its guardian god. Her miko was his only saving grace, insisting fate must have brought him back. The spirit warily agreed.

It was then Sasuke hatched a plan: a desperate, likely foolish one...but he felt he had no choice. He would beg asylum from the god. A place for his people to finally settle and be safe. When she asked what price he would pay, he offered his life...and she believed him.

His clan, however, was not so sure. Several, upon his presentation of his plan, refused to believe, and instead kept traveling north in search of a new home. But Sasuke’s family and many others followed him back into the mountains.

And now...here they sleep. He can only pray this was the last leg of their migration. That the Uchiha, at last, can come to rest and be safe.

The small village has been their home now for barely a week, but efforts are well underway to house them. Their new neighbors - all rescued from black fates by the god - have accepted them into their fold, knowing of their own circumstances.

It still...unnerves Sasuke at times: seeing just how kind and giving people can be when not afflicted by greed. He keeps expecting a price, a deal...but favors are only repaid by favors.

It’s so...odd. And yet, it’s refreshing. Their city had been slowly growing its shadows: gambling, prostitution, strange substances and alcohol.

Perhaps, in a way...it was good that it fell. Perhaps now it might find peace.

...but he doubts it.

But most important, to Sasuke at least, has been the god’s help with his brother, Itachi. So long sick and frail, body betraying him, he’s been restored to proper health. He still finds himself, at times, just watching Itachi. Seeing him live so unburdened.

That, if nothing else, makes it all worthwhile.

“Sasuke.”

Broken from his reminiscing, Sasuke sits up, finding his brother peering in. “Yes?”

“The miko wishes to speak with you.”

That earns a blink. The Hyūga, Hinata, has been the unofficial ambassador between the valley’s previous inhabitants, and the Uchiha. And though he isn’t clan head, it’s typically Sasuke she seeks out whenever something must be said. It was he, after all, who made this deal.

“All right...I’ll be out in a moment.”

Itachi nods, leaving his brother in peace. Sighing, Sasuke brings a hand down his face, mind full. There’s so much to do, so much to account for. It’s mind-boggling, really. In many ways, he’s glad the position of clan head will fall instead to his brother, and not to him. Sasuke isn’t stupid - far from it - but this sort of thing is far more Itachi’s specialty than his own.

Once dressed, he abandons his tent, glancing around and finding the clan active. Already many have begun efforts to find new employment. In a place so secluded and peaceful, samurai are hardly necessary.

...but that doesn’t mean Sasuke has any plans to stop practicing.

“Sasuke-san.”

Looking to the voice, he finds the pale-eyed miko. “Hyūga.”

“I hope I did not have you awakened?”

“No...I was already up with my thoughts,” he assures her. “And that aside, it’s high time I rise, anyway.”

“You work hard. Rest is important,” she in turn allows, a hint of a smile upon her face.

Deciding not to argue, Sasuke instead asks, “Did you need something?”

It’s then the miko hesitates. “...not in the way you likely expect, no. Rather...it’s I who have something to offer.”

A dark brow perks.

“I realize that your father recognized my lineage. And as I told you...my clan was also once a renowned family of warriors that rivaled your own. But...you can quite obviously tell that neither I nor my cousin are such warriors.”

“...if you think me suspicious of you, there’s no need,” Sasuke offers slowly in reply, not sure what she’s driving at.

“...no, I suppose not,” she replies softly. “But...I feel that - given our common roots - we may have something to learn from each other. And there is much about myself I have yet to tell you. Are you not curious…?”

He hesitates. “...I don’t like to pry.”

“...there are many secrets within this valley,” Hinata replies in a near-whisper, almost as if to keep from being heard. “None that would ever harm you or your kind,” she assures him upon his tensing. “...but if you’re to live here, and thrive here...it’s best you know.”

Sasuke draws a long, low breath. “...very well.”

“I can speak for no one else...but I’ll begin with my own tale. If we may...sit somewhere?”

Reading her intentions, Sasuke nods, following her back toward the village.

Behind them, Itachi watches thoughtfully.

“...when my own clan faced a fate similar to yours,” she begins as they walk, “we were scattered to the four winds. Many went south. Some north. My father, his brother, and their families stuck together and headed west toward the coast. I can barely remember it...they intended to start new lives as fishermen. But during a storm, my uncle was lost...and things began to sour. Money grew scarce. Catches were not as bountiful as they’d been. My aunt claimed it was her husband cursing us because his death had been our fault. Or rather...my father’s.”

Hinata sobers as they find a seat along a set of stumps. “...my aunt died not long after, having always been rather frail. Now with another child to feed, my father began to feel desperate. Then my younger sister was born...and our mother died from complications with the birth.

“He abandoned my cousin and I in the city. Disappeared without a trace with my sister. We were so young...had no way to support ourselves. And that’s when she found us.”

“...the god.”

Hinata nods. “I had been praying, desperate for someone - anyone - to hear us. We were the sort she looked for: those abandoned, with no where else to turn. And she knew then that I had eyes unlike most. Neji too, but to a slightly lesser degree. She offered us shelter, and asked that I become her miko as one with the All Seeing White Eyes. I agreed...and we’ve been here ever since.”

Sasuke remains silent for a long moment. “...I’m sorry. You’ve both lost so much.”

“...we have. But we’ve made our peace. And we are content here.”

“If I ever meet your father, I may have to repay him for his treatment of you.”

Hinata gives a small, somber smile. “...it’s appreciated, but I’ve come to forgive him. He too lost much. His brother, sister, wife...what he did was cruel, but he surely thought it necessary.”

Sasuke doesn’t reply.

“...but, I’ve kept you long enough. Perhaps another time, you can tell me more of your origins,” Hinata then offers, head tilting.

“I suppose that would only be fair.”

“Until next time, then. You have your clan to tend to. Take care, Sasuke-san.”

“...you too.” Watching her stand and take her leave, Sasuke finds himself feeling just as unknowing about her as before.

...there’s far more to her than meets the eye, he’s sure.

                                                    .oOo.

     (This is a sequel to days 60, 77, 140, 165, 189, 290, 296, and 297!)       More kami verse! I'm...literally about to pass out, so...not much else to say besides that this feels awfully incomplete, but I'm already so far behind...I didn't want to skip another night @~@ Hinata's story has more to it, just...no time, no energy. So maybe next time. For now, I desperately need some sleep. Thanks for reading~ 

[daprojex]

Nigeria Cracks Down on a Critic, and a New Jersey Town Pushes Back

When the Nigerian government went after a prominent detractor in the midst of a broad crackdown on free speech, it didn’t expect to stir resistance 5,000 miles away.

By Ruth Maclean

Dec. 22, 2019, 11:20 a.m. ET

HAWORTH, N.J. — Opeyemi Sowore watched the videos on her phone in bed in her New Jersey home, the children still asleep, the Christmas tree twinkling downstairs.

The videos showed her husband — a former presidential candidate and the publisher of a website known as Africa’s WikiLeaks — being wrestled to the floor in a Nigerian courtroom by a man in a black suit, as lawyers in wigs and gowns crowded around shouting.

The court had ruled that her husband, Omoyele Sowore, should be free on bail while awaiting trial on charges of treason, money laundering and, for criticizing President Muhammadu Buhari on television, cyberstalking. But on Dec. 6, while his wife slept more than 5,000 miles away, Mr. Sowore was taken from the courtroom back into detention, where he has been held for nearly all of the past five months.

Before Mr. Sowore was led away by Nigeria’s equivalent of the Secret Service, he was videotaped saying that these “might be my only words on record before they kill me.” His wife has had no contact with him since.

When Mr. Buhari was elected in 2015 as president of Nigeria, Africa’s most populous country and largest economy, it was hailed as a triumph for democracy. Since then, however, his government has turned toward harsh authoritarianism, putting the country’s thriving civic organizations and news media to the test.

Protests have been met with deadly force. The country’s chief justice was summarily sacked. Humanitarian organizations that criticize the state were threatened with closure, and newspaper offices were raided. One journalist, Jones Abiri, has been in detention so long that for a time, he was thought to be dead.

One bill now making its way through Nigeria’s Senate proposes the death penalty for some instances of “hate speech.” A second, the Anti-Social Media Bill, modeled on a new Singaporean law, calls for government critics to spend as much as three years in prison.

Nigeria is not alone in clamping down on freedom of expression. ​A punitive new security law ​in traditionally media-friendly Burkina Faso, a proposed hate speech measure in Ethiopia, a harsh crackdown in Tanzania and routine internet and social media shutdowns across Africa point to a wider trend toward censorship.

“The people in power just don’t want to have to tolerate the voices of the people,” said Ayisha Osori, head of the Open Society Initiative for West Africa.

African leaders feel emboldened to strangle the news media because of a perceived global rollback in democracy, she said.

Mr. Sowore founded a website in 2006, Sahara Reporters, that specializes in exposing corruption and government malfeasance. With funding from American foundations and about 50 staff members working in Nigeria and the United States, the site’s publication of leaked, often unfiltered information disrupted Nigeria’s traditional media scene.

By basing his operation in New York, Mr. Sowore for years had a degree of protection from the consequences of publishing often scandalous information about Nigeria’s most powerful people. He shuttled between his family home in New Jersey and Nigeria, where he is a citizen, without much interference.

Then, on Aug. 3, in the middle of the night, he was arrested by Nigeria’s Department of State Services, or D.S.S., in his Lagos hotel room.

At first, Opeyemi Sowore told no one in Haworth, a well-off suburb about 20 miles from midtown Manhattan, about her husband’s arrest. None of them knew much about Nigeria, or what Mr. Sowore, known as Yele, did for a living. As far as they were concerned, he was just a dad and a keen runner.

One day, though, texting with another mother with children at the local school, Ms. Sowore explained why her husband had been away so long.

Word traveled fast in Haworth, a town of 3,500 people.

“One mom told another mom, told another mom, told another mom, and next thing we knew we had assembled what really is functioning as a crisis management team,” said Alanna Zahn Davis, one of the mothers in that chain.

If Mr. Buhari’s government had gotten tough, so would Haworth.

A core group of 10 women raised the alarm at the State Department. Then they reached Amal Clooney, the human rights lawyer, who demanded Mr. Sowore’s release. They worked with Amnesty International, which declared him a prisoner of conscience.

Sometimes they prepared meals for Ms. Sowore, a marketing executive, or looked after the couple’s two children. Inspired by an American tradition of using yellow ribbons to remember hostages, they held “Yele ribbon” ceremonies in Haworth’s tree-lined town center, attended by hundreds of people.

After the courtroom melee, they called members of Congress, engaging New Jersey Senators Robert Menendez and Cory Booker. Six members of Congress sent a letter on Friday to Nigeria’s attorney general condemning the treatment of Mr. Sowore.

His detention “will only serve to tarnish Nigeria’s international reputation and its standing as a leading African democracy,” they wrote.

Before his arrest, Mr. Sowore was often accused of favoring Mr. Buhari, even helping him get elected. Sahara Reporters’ relentless exposés of graft under the previous government meant Mr. Buhari’s vow to sweep the country clean of corruption resonated with voters. One of Mr. Buhari’s earliest interviews as president was with Sahara TV.

However, Mr. Buhari’s administration turned out to have a corrupt bent, too, along with authoritarian tendencies, said Chidi Odinkalu, the former chairman of Nigeria’s Human Rights Commission.

“The Buhari administration has proved to be at least as bad, if not much worse” than the prior administration that Mr. Buhari had promised not to emulate, said Mr. Odinkalu, who is facing prosecution himself after he criticized one of the president’s close allies.

This was not a great surprise to those who remember how Mr. Buhari, now 77, first came to power in 1983 as a major general in the wake of a military coup. Before being overthrown in another coup, he jailed hundreds of people, made tardy civil servants do frog jumps and had three men executed.

By the time he was democratically elected three decades later, in 2015, it was on promises to tackle corruption and insecurity. Nigeria was battling Boko Haram, oil theft and violent clashes across the country. He often appeared frail, said little in public and spent many months of his first term being treated for a mysterious illness in London.

Sahara Reporters wrote about the absences and allegations of his allies’ corruption, and Mr. Sowore openly condemned the government for failing to meet its promises. He ran unsuccessfully for president against Mr. Buhari in February, and was preparing to lead a protest calling for revolution when he was arrested on August 3.

At the time, La Keisha Landrum Pierre, Sahara Reporters’ chief operating officer back in New York, was heavily pregnant. When she gave birth five days later, she was managing the company’s biggest crisis ever. It keeps getting bigger.

She said that the Nigerian government had frozen the site’s financial account.

“There have been armed D.S.S. men standing outside our offices” in Nigeria, said Ms. Landrum Pierre, in between calls and meetings in Manhattan. She had to cut the staff by 70 percent, and said that most of the remaining employees, feeling intimidated, were staying at home.

On Dec. 6, the court scheduled Mr. Sowore’s trial for February, but he did not remain free on bail as previously ordered. Instead, Mr. Sowore’s lawyers and family maintain, D.S.S. agents attacked Mr. Sowore while still in the courtroom and ultimately took him back into custody.

The D.S.S. said in a statement that it had rearrested Mr. Sowore because of public comments it claims he made the prior night promising to pursue his cause. A D.S.S. spokesman also claimed that Mr. Sowore’s supporters had staged the courtroom attack and were trying to frame its agents.

Ms. Sowore said that watching the videos made her afraid for his life.

“The hardest part about it for me was — how do I tell my kids?” she said.

They have tried to help. For the Haworth school fair in early December, their 12-year-old daughter Ayo made and sold slime and stress balls, planning to put her profits toward her father’s bail. Her mother had to explain that he had already posted bail, but still wasn’t allowed out. Ayo gave her $80 to Amnesty International instead.

Ten-year-old Komi’s desires are clear from his Christmas list. He wants:

1. A remote-controlled racing car that can climb walls.

2. An Apple watch.

3. His father safely home.

4. A turtle.

[dumbhypmicheadcanons]

the truth of when hypmic takes place: part one

Alright listen up. We all know the HypMic universe is similar to our own, the main differences being the existence of hypnosis microphones, the fact that it takes place in the near future, and that WWIII happened and women took over the government. However, we’ve never been given a specific timeframe for this. We know that the TDD era was specifically in the year “XXXX AD” and the remaining years are part of the “H Age” but I know the exact year, in our terms, that the HypMic universe really takes place in.

First, the technological advancements after WWIII? Nil. There barely were any. In Chapter One of the manga we see that Samatoki has a regular smartphone. 

Doppo’s hypnosis mic is a flip phone, his speakers are flatscreen monitors. These are just his mic and speakers, but consider Doppo. Does he seem like the kind of guy who would reminisce about the era of flip phones, spend precious time researching past technologies? No, he grew up with that shit.

There might even be more evidence but I’m lazy and don’t feel like putting in more effort but you understand my point, yeah? People have the same technology, they live in the same cities, they wear the same styles of clothing as our modern day. However, this is post WWIII. After any war, especially one of that scale, technologies improve ridiculously. We got military-style planes during WWI, only a few years after the invention of the first working plane. We got TV in between the two wars. We got medical penicillin during the second world war. In addition, the culture of a society changes after war. After the first world war, America isolated itself and had a great economic boom before collapsing entirely. Prohibition tried and failed, jazz happened, we got gangsters like Al Capone, everything was great. It all failed, but hey, we tried. After WWII came and went, we had a boom of people who could afford to move away from their parents immediately after high school and the formation of “nuclear families” became extremely popular and commonplace. Rock n roll became big, we had huge medical breakthroughs, and America was pushing itself in new directions.

After WWIII… women got their own cities and everyone else was pushed into gang fights? Rap battles became the main form of fighting for dominance? Everyone still uses cell phones?

What I’m saying is, nothing changed in the society of the HypMic universe other than what was directly caused by Otome. The war didn’t change the mindsets of anyone, there are still host clubs and the concept of idols still exists despite the apparent horrors of this war. So, if I had to guess…

The war wasn’t very long. Hell, it might not have even been as deadly as everyone was saying. I believe that WWIII was incredibly short-lived and Otome used it as an excuse to take over the government, and she then spread propoganda about how many people died in order to support her cause. The war wasn’t that big, it changed very little. The only change was caused by Otome.

So, if we can assume that there were very few societal or technological changes based on the war, we can also assume that any societal and technological changes that would happen are the kind that would happen naturally. Fashion-wise, almost nothing has changed. The Buster Bros are all wearing clothing that looks like it could have come from any time between the 90s and now, they especially seem to give off vibes from the mid-2000′s hip hop and streetwear styles, such as baggy pants, sports jackets, snapback hats and sneakers. Ramuda hand Dice have an uneccesary number of belts, similar to many styles that have been popular in Japan over the years as well as the unnecessary belts of the 2000s. Doppo, Hifumi, and Jyuto all wear suits which are admittedly related to their jobs but also were quite popular for men during the 2000′s. Jiro and Dice’s ripped jeans? 2000s. Samatoki’s skull things on his shirt? Mid-2000′s Hot Topic. Military-style clothing, such as camo, was all the rage in the 2000s. Who do we know who wears military-style clothing? Rio! If we combine the fact that fashion has been imploding on itself so large-scale fashion changes die out within a month and the fact that generally, fashion tends to come back in cycles of roughly 20 years, we can conclude that, with all of these things plus several 2000s trends you can find on characters that I did not mention, the fashion in this world would cyclically be within the 2020s, the 2040s, etc.

You may be saying, “Hey loser, all of your research is based on America but HypMic takes place in Japan thus you’re invalid” and let me tell you, that’s true but hear me out: Everyone in the HypMic universe is already yelling things in English, Saburo told 2Pac to go to hell in EZ DO RAP, etc. I believe that these idiots are hardcore ingrained in American culture even if they are from Japan, even moreso than the usual Japanese populace, who are already quite aware of American celebrities and such. Thus, I believe we can say that American fashion trends are not the worst evidence I can use.

Back to the argument. Obviously, nothing new has happened technologically, so we can rule out anything 40′s or later. The HypMic Universe has to take place within the 2020′s in order to match up with the resurgence in 2000′s fashion and to still be close enough to justify the lack of advancement.

That was a very long-winded way of backing up my claim. I needed absolutely none of that to prove myself, but I feel that all of that background information will help you to see that the exact date I’ve come up with is actually plausible in the context of the universe. However, I have a much different method of discovering the actual year.

Dice Arisugawa.

Dice is a force that the HypMic universe bends around. The HypMic universe wants everything to be perfectly fitting, it wants everything to have hidden meanings or puns behind them. The Buster Bros all have moles counting the order of their birth, all three of the characters with animal kanji in their names happened to live in Yokohama. However, the universe goes above and beyond to cater to Dice’s 777 number motif. Dice Arisugawa is 77 kilograms, 177 centimeters tall, and his birthday is 7/7. Let’s take this a step further. Dice Arisugawa is 77 kilograms, 177 centimeters tall, and his birthday is 7/7/07.

Does anyone honestly believe that a universe that went so far for his motif would skimp out on making the year match as well? No other year would fit Dice’s gambling motif. One could argue that Dice was born in a different year that ended in 7, but none would fit the established timeline. If he was born in 1997, the HypMic universe would currently be in the year 2017 (since Dice is 20), which would be interesting considering that is when HypMic began but it ultimately does not fit with either the cyclic fashion and also does not fit with the heavy implications that HypMic takes place in the future. If Dice was born in 2017, then the HypMic universe would take place in 2037, which is far too long in the future to justify the technology. Thus, by making Dice’s birth year 2007, the HypMic universe takes place in 2027. This fits the fashion cycle, it’s in the future but not far enough ahead to have allowed extremely significant changes in technology all around, and it fits Dice’s number motif more cleanly than the other options. The universe is far more likely to go with the clean numbers of 07/07/07 than it is to go with something like 07/07/17, right?

It is my belief that the current year in the HypMic universe is 2027. XXXX AD is actually the year 2025. In my next post, I will completely throw Japanese culture out the window and project my own life and experiences onto these rappers because I am fully prepared to not only give you my view on the facts, but to give you the repercussions of these facts too.

[bloojayoolie]

Advice, America, and Ass: Another "Forever GF" is dumped by her "boyfriend" after he wastes 7 years of her youth. Do better, ladies. Ghost them after no more than 1.5 years without a ring. He's just not that into you. LET THIS BE ANOTHER DAILY REMINDER TO TAKE ZERO SHIT FROM THESE MEN. ZERO SHIT!!!! 2 NAH, SIS t Share t Share t Share t Share 77 52 477 52 t77 52 77 52 Award Award Award Award rizzo1/171h FDS Newbie married men. You can pressure/manipulate/ coerce/persuade/enchant a man intro marrying you/doing all these nice things/having a ceremony, but unless he is ready and committed at the end of the day it isn't going to mean shit. A ring is a ring. A ring is not commitment. Is it more important to have a ring and ceremony from someone who isn't ready to commit but has been given an ultimatum? Or would you be just as happy with someone who is doting and attentive and faithful who doesn't want to get married? Just keep some perspective, is all I'm suggesting. To some women, getting married is their end game. That's all they want: their perfect little wedding they've planned since they were little. And i don't understand that at all, because in the big picture that's just ONE perfectly planned idealistic day out of a lifetime commitment. But to each their own. My friend's mom has been married 11 times. Clearly, the horse and pony show is more important to her than the commitment rizzo1717 18h FDS Newbie It's gonna cost you a helluva lot more than $5k in the long run to separate from an unfaithful husband None of these guarantee commitment. "Ghost them after a year and a half with no ring" Imao ummm no. This is ridiculous advice. Also, I have waaaay more to lose in a divorce than a man so l'm not even Nothingness guarantees commitment even less and words guarantee nothing.... and I would rather get cheated on by a man that gave me a $5k rock to show off on my finger than a dude who cheated on me with nothing to show for it. That's just me, though 0 sure I want to get married. Already said no once. Retaining your power isn't necessarily about ghosting them when they don't propose to you. Only if you let yourself get played in the divorce. You're completely right. If you marry a worthless shitbag, you're going to lose in the divorce. 6 Edit Okay, your perspective reflects what another person said on here. That she refuses to marry a man if she's going to lose in the divorce. rizzo17171h FDS Newbie It's gonna cost you a helluva lot more than $5k in the long run to separate from an unfaithful husband. If he's a worthless loserbichboy, don't sign the paperwork to fuck your finances up by tying yourself legally to him, but still make him buy you that expensive rock. When you walk away from his lying, cheating ass, take everything and don't be left crying in a 1978 Toytoa Tercel. Be left crying in a Tesla, lol. You don't have to sign the papers. You can literally go through with all of the little stuff like buyinga ring, dress shopping, and having a small ceremony. Besides... after a certain number of years living together, the state will consider you married under common law marriage rules so watchout for that too Only if you let yourself get played in the divorce. You're completely right. If you marry a worthless shitbag. you're going to lose in the divorce .. 14 > rizzo1717 42m- FDS Newbie Have you ever been divorced before? In middle class America, nobody wins in a divorce, except MAYBE the spouse of super rich people. Your thought process is borderline delusional. This is not how None of these guarantee commitment. If he's a worthless loserbichboy, don't sign the paperwork to fuck your finances up by tying yourself legally to him, but still make him buy you that expensive rock. When you walk away from his lying, cheating ass, take everything and don't be left crying in a 1978 Toytoa Tercel. Be left crying in a Tesla, lol. rizzo1717 2h FDS Newbie You are absolutely right about common law. And in CA, common law is about as solidifying as a legal marriage, AND pre nups do very little to protect you against state law. Nothingness guarantees commitment even less, and words guarantee nothing.... and I would rather get cheated on by a man that $5k rock to show off on my finger than a dude who cheated on me with nothing to show for it. That's just me, though real life works. I suggest you watch the documentary Divorce Corp. ve me a BUT. I think it's important to remember a ring is just a ring. Papers are just papers. A dress is just a dress. None of these guarantee commitment. I c attest to this, because it seems like 90% of the 0 Add a comment Add a comment Add ammant Insane redditor giving dating advice: if a man doesn’t put a ring on it in less than 2 years, ghost him sis and TAKE NO SHIT