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bluerose5 · 2 years ago

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Beyond the Loss

Shalibrations prompt from discord for Garrus and Shepard comforting Tali during/after her loyalty mission.

~~~

Tali didn't know how to feel.

So many emotions were running through her. Her thoughts amassed into a flurry of unending noise. She wanted so badly to let loose a scream at the top of her lungs, but all of her energy had been sapped clean from her body.

When all else felt uncertain, she found comfort in that which was familiar.

She sat upon the floor in Engineering, staring at the drive core while it pulsed, the Normandy's quiet yet steady heartbeat.

At one time in her life, she thought the ship —the original ship— to be too quiet for her tastes. She could remember how uneasy she was at first, her instincts crying out that something was broken or damaged.

Then, she grew to love the ship and its silence, just as she grew to love its crew.

So many of them were lost to her.

And now, her father was gone too, all because he was trying to take back their homeworld. For her.

Tears fell down her face as she stared unseeingly into the distance. She tried hard to come up with new ideas for the ship, ways to improve its systems, but those were empty distractions at best.

She had lost so much. She just wanted the pain to stop.

When Tali heard the doors to Engineering hiss open, she frowned.

Without looking away from the drive core, she called out, "I thought that I told you two that I want to be alone!"

"Damn," Jane replied. "Are we that predictable?"

Two pairs of footsteps approached, but Tali simply hugged her legs closer to her body, the side of her helmet resting upon her knees.

She didn't bother meeting their eyes.

"I told Gabby and Ken that I needed time to myself," she huffed. "I guess it was too much to hope that the locked doors would deter you."

"If you truly want us to go, then we will," Jane assured her. There was shuffling and the slight creak of weary joints as Jane knelt before her.

Garrus plopped down at her side with way less grace, but his presence was a welcome comfort nonetheless.

"But we have a feeling that you don't actually want that," he whispered, the flanging of his voice reverberating in an attempt to comfort. "You shouldn't have to be alone right now. We should get through this as we always have. Together."

A lump got stuck in Tali's throat, choked up on all of the emotions lingering in the air.

There was a time when they weren't together, though.

Both of them had already lost Shepard once, and they saw how well that worked out.

Her father's death only reminded her how fragile life truly was. How even the strongest of them could be there one second, then gone in the next.

Maybe her behavior wasn't that befitting of an admiral's daughter, but she couldn't care at the moment.

Right then, she was simply a daughter who lost her father. A woman, who only two years prior lost one of the greatest people in the galaxy that she had known.

There was always the possibility that she could lose her again.

If this mission through the Omega-4 Relay didn't go exactly as planned, then she could lose them both. Both Garrus and Shepard. The ones who were there for her since the beginning.

Pain radiated throughout her chest.

She was so tired.

It took its toll, always having to be strong in front of others.

For once, she let her emotions guide her. She launched herself into Shepard’s arms without warning; but, while initially shocked by Tali's actions, Jane instantly wrapped her up into a warm embrace.

Tali buried her face mask into the crook of Jane's neck, then released a shuddering breath.

For once, she let herself be vulnerable, all alone with the two people she trusted above all others on that ship.

Her voice broke when she spoke.

"I want you both to stay," she whispered, her tone tiny when faced with the day's horrific onslaught of news. "Don't go."

"We're right here, Tali," Jane assured her, squeezing tightly, as if she would never let her go.

Oh, how Tali wished that to be true.

"We're not going anywhere," Garrus agreed, "not unless you ask us to."

Tali shook her head at the thought.

"No, I want you to stay," she said, more certain, resolute. "I–I can't lose you two."

Jane and Garrus exchanged a pointed glance over her head, but their silence only made her panic spike even more.

Holding Shepard close, as if her very life depended on it, she repeated, “I can’t lose you. Not again. Either of you.”

It didn’t help that, in his grief, Garrus disappeared without a trace. Tali felt his loss as well during those past two years. It was hard to ignore his absence when he left no messages indicating his whereabouts, no explanation. How often did she turn to her side, expecting to talk shop with him, only to feel disappointment when she was reminded that he was gone.

Up until recently, she hadn’t even been certain that he was alive, part of her worrying that he had run off and gotten himself killed.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Garrus murmured. He shuffled his way over and hugged them both. “You won’t. We’re not going anywhere.”

“With what we’re up against, you can’t promise me that.”

“We just did,” Jane stated. She pulled slightly away, just enough so that she could meet Tali’s eyes while she talked. “And we’re going to keep that promise, okay? Your father might not have survived to give you that house on the homeworld, but we can still hold onto that promise and carry it out for him.”

“That’s a tall order for you to fill,” Tali mumbled.

“I think I speak for both of us,” Garrus told her, “when I say that we like a challenge.”

Tali gave a watery laugh, knowing from experience that there was some truth to those words.

Even then, it took little for that fragile laugh to fracture into painful sobs, the foundation of her composure slowly but surely slipping out from under her.

Thankfully, they didn’t judge her. They didn’t try to stop her or offer worthless platitudes.

Instead, they held her, and they let her cry in their arms.

They offered her their presence, and that was enough for her.

By the time she had quieted down to mere sniffles, she could confidently say that she felt somewhat better. Not whole, not by any means, but better.

It was a step in the right direction, at least.

Jane pressed a soft kiss to the top of her helmet, and Tali spared her a weary smile.

“Thanks, you two.”

“No thanks necessary,” Garrus said. “Always happy to help.”

“That, we are,” Jane agreed, shifting in place. “Now, I don’t know about the two of you, but I think that this day calls for a pile of blankets back in my quarters, some snacks, some drinks, and a whole bunch of movies.”

Of course, Tali instantly perked up at that.

“Oh! Can we watch Fleet and Flotilla?” she asked. Widening her eyes beyond the mask, she clasped her hands together as she stared up at Jane, knowing well enough that Shepard couldn’t resist that expression. “Please?”

Garrus already knew that Jane was a goner then, not that he had planned on actually protesting the request, but he loved to tease Tali about her fascination with that movie regardless.

“Ugh, again?” he asked. One playful glare from Jane was all that was needed to straighten him out, though. “Alright. Whatever you want, Tali.” As they got to their feet, he flared his mandibles out into a slight grin. “I might have even picked up some graxen when we were last on the Citadel.”

Tali gasps, “You did not! You’ve been holding out all this time?”

“I wonder why,” he deadpanned.

“Can’t have anything to do with a certain quarian who always steals his snacks,” Jane joked.

“Sharing is caring, or so the humans say,” Tali chuckled. She poked Garrus in his side. “I fully expect you to share, Vakarian.”

“For you, I think I could spare a little.”

As they continued to bicker on the way to the elevator, Tali savored the warmth that started to blossom, working to overtake the cold that had threatened to take root.

While things might not have been perfect at the moment, she was certain that life would get better. The storm wouldn’t last forever. One day, she would bathe in the sunlight at the start of a new day.

And she had faith that, with Garrus and Jane at her side, they could get through anything.

#mass effect #mass effect trilogy #tali'zorah vas normandy #jane shepard #garrus vakarian #shalibrations #tali x shepard x garrus #femshep #bluerose writes

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sol-consort · 10 months ago

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Early morning Cuddling

[Fluff, suggestive, shepards reader, nb!reader]

[Ashley, Kaidan, Joker, Garrus, Wrex, Tali, Liara]

Ashley

Safety is a feeling you'll never lack in her strong arms. Securing you close to her chest so you can feel the drum of her heartbeat, slowly picking up speed as she stirs awake from her slumber.

And she smiles at you, sleep in her eyes and all, the first thing she ever thinks to do is express her happiness at you being by her side.

Tightening her hold for a moment so she could give your forehead a tender kiss. She looks at you as if you were something fragile, as if it was her duty to protect you. No matter how strong you might be, at that moment, you have no doubt she'll take a bullet for you and more.

The two of you have to get up soon before Joker's announcement calls for your required presence. But Ashley can't help but linger on you, steal a few more moments of peacefulness before the blaring of shotguns is all that she may hear for the rest of her day.

Her hair is a mess, black strands sprawled on the pillow below her. Framing her face and giving her a more gentle look than her usual tight bun hairstyle does. Her upper body bare with her chest pressed against yours. She smells like that one soap she keeps stocked on the Normandy since she has joined your crew.

You feel lucky being one of the few able to see her in this intimate state.

☆

Kaidan

He has an alarm that he ignores, preferring to cling more into your body and bury his face against your neck and shoulder. Leaving the alarm annoying beeping.

With a sigh, you reach over and turn it off. Except it's one of those alarms that require you to solve a simple equation to turn off, simple by Alenko's standards. The same one cuddling into your body and refusing to let go from the warmth.

So the poor alarm ends up thrown across the room, or stuffed under the bed with a pillow to muffle its sound. You wonder why does he keep buying them when he keeps ignoring them.

Running your fingers through his hair gently, you pry him off of your neck in an attempt to get him to wake up. He's always groggy in the morning as he attempts to blink the tiredness away from his eyes.

A clear contrast to his usual disciplined self, freshly out of sleep, Kaidan is not someone you want to come across on the Normandy. The morning is around the time when he needs to take his required medication for L2 implants and migraines since he'll not be granted another opportunity of free time until the day is over.

Your presence during it has been helping him in more ways that he cares to admit, your warmth chasing away the stray nightmares that used to plague his mind each night.

☆

Joker

The two of make it work, with a lot of patience and being mindful of his osteogenesis.

While cuddling, he is the one on top to avoid any pressure on his bones. He's the one hugging into you with his head resting on your strong arms. He tries to lighten the mood whenever he notices how careful you're being, a part of him hates his hugs not being reciprocated but he understands why.

Still, this is vastly better than sleeping alone on his bed. Feeling you underneath him, listening to your calming heartbeat. It almost makes everything worth it, every sleepless night spent studying during the academy, every day spent alone, every empty bed.

He trusts you with himself, with his genuine vulnerability hidden under his witty jokes and sharp mind. He is aware of how much effort you're putting in. How you truly see him as a person and not a charity cases.

He's usually the one waking up first, pilot training and all. Quietly leaving the bed to not disturb you as he goes and checks to the helm to check on the ship's states. Him and Dr.Chakwas are the first early birds aboard the ship and they've grown into a comfortable routine of doing the opening shift as the rest of the crew stirs awake one by one.

By the time he's done, he makes sure to prepare a hot morning drink for you and take it back to your quarters. Sitting on the edge of the bed.

His smirking face behind the steam from the hot cup is the first sight you see in the morning. His voice telling you an awful pun that has you almost choking on your drink with a groan is the first thing you hear.

And you wouldn't have it any other way.

☆

Garrus

He's unsure of this arrangement at first, of if this is who you really want to cuddle up to.

Human skin is squishy, fragile and soft, unbelievably so when compared to Turians' hard plated shells. Humans are just bare with nothing to protect them whilst having fuller bodies than other aliens with soft skin. Yet somehow, Turians are supposed to believe these soft creatures are the apex of their own planet, evolving from predators with their forward facing eyes rather than prey.

Garrus has always wanted to feel a human up close, their soft fragile throats that any Turian could squeeze so easily in their large clawed hands. Break with their talons like an eggshell.

Yet this race was incredible resilient, quickly stealing the Turian's reputation of being the most hostile race in the galaxy, the humans and their temper and fight or flight adrenaline responses were quickly making a name for themselves.

That's why he almost can't believe it when he gets to hold you in bed. Allowing him to almost pin you down so easily, to wrap his large claws and long arms around you. Nuzzle your bare neck with his sharp mouth and enhale your scent.

Turians would battle for dominance amongst themselves, a play pretend sort of fight that comes from deep natural urges to top the other even in relationships. So from his view, you allowing him to hold you so close and sleep next your defenceless form is you surrendering to him.

Garrus has never been the aggressive type, even by Turian standards he was too nice at times. Yet something about you is digging at these buried ancient instincts of his, the low deep growls each morning when you try to pull away, the tighten of his sharp claws around you.

It comes so naturally that he does it unconsciously, not realising the growling sound is coming from the back of his throat in the morning until he clears his throat in embassment. Unaware of the soft squecks and caws he lets out each night when you scatch behind his neck and he melts into your touch before falling asleep.

☆

Wrex

He prefers short naps throughout the day so he may stay alert even through the night, it comes naturally for his species to be on their gaurd through most hours, that's what makes them such great fighers.

But you're a bad influence on him, coaxing him with you into this bundle of soft sheets and blankets that you humans call a bed. Making him lay on his back, a position so intimate for Krogans to be in, and cuddling to his side.

You're...warm. the skin and meat seperating your heart from his hand is so thin in comparison to his. Are humans not afraid? How could they have evolved to have their heart at such an exposed location for all to see and touch.

And to think you were supposed to be the predetor and him the prey, so why does he get this urge to protect you. To keep your bones intact and never allow any harm your way.

A wolf in sheep clothings, that's what humans are. He has to remind himself constantly not to get tricked by your seemingly harmless appearance. Tantalising lips or mesmerising eyes. That you're as dangerous as him if not more from what he has seen of you throughout the years. Terrifyingly cunningly at times and overrun by basic rage instincts at others, a volcano of emotions that's constantly erupting.

That's why laying next to you in the early morning is such a strain on his instincts. He can feel himself changing, his body relaxing around you and his mind resting for once. He can feel his gaurd lowering and he hates it, hates not being on his toes, not being on constant alert.

But you hug him so sweetly, cuddle his arm so tenderly and tell him to stay by your side. How could he refuse, is he even strong enough to refuse when your touches are the most intimate thing he has had during his whole life? When the feeling of a human sleeping next to him made him feel more safe than he ever did in the best of armours, and here he was supposed to be the one protecting you.

Wrex remains by your side until it's time to wake up, until it's time to start the routine he grew so familiar of.

☆

Tali

The hum of the engine used to be what lulled her to sleep, and with how eerily silent the Normandy gets around this time, it leaves her restless.

The early morning is her respite, when the chatter and clinking of soldiers outside getting ready for the day is audible through the walls. Tali finds herself drifting off to a comfortable sleep, reassured that she is safe and alive with the sound of life around her.

She becomes incredibly cuddly in the early morning, as much as her restrictive suit allows. It's not the same one as her shore one, yet it is still as effective in protecting her immune system.

She wants to feel your warmth, your soft human skin and run feel your hair. But both of you know it's not possible yet. So you settle for hugging her waist closer to you, running a hand down her covered back and hoping it will make her feel something.

That maybe, just maybe, a sliver of your warmth will slip through.

By the time she is dozing off to dreamland, it's your turn to walk out the door and face your responsibilities. Leave the wamrth of your bed and ready your team for another survey of a freezing cold planet in the vast empty space of the universe.

☆

Liara

Her fingers are soothing as they run over your body, encouraging your muscles to relax and your eyelids to flutter open. Her melodic voice humming in your mind.

She manages to wake you up as peacefully as she can, eyes wide and full of wonder as she is ready to greet a new day with all the discoveries it may bring.

You wonder where she gets all this energy from, and why isn't it infectious. She seems the most awake of everyone in the morning, and yet she stays by your side in bed until you get all the rest you need.

You never had to tell her to stay either, she did it by herself. Claiming it feels like the right thing to do, how doting she can be on her loved one at times.

Liara is always curious about any dreams you may have, admitting how sometimes they can be like a window into a person's inner psyche. How much she wants to understand you better, on a deeper level than anyone before her ever did.

As if she wants to merge her soul with yours, and maybe to her own kind that's what true love is like. To liara, the mornings you share together remain the highlight of her day until nightime when she gets to feel your embrace again, hear your voice and listen as you tell her about how your day went.

There's so much to admire about her curious nature, her genuine love for knowledge and exploration. The way she likes her coffee especially sweet and the way she hums each morning to stirr you awake.

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