kit-kat214-blog

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My inner self @ my outer self

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My 2017 Things and Flings

January 8th: I told my best friend (call him guy 1) I liked him. We went in dates and hung out all the time his family adored me. Including his future sister in law.

February 14: he surprised me at my home and gave me a teddy bear and flowers. So sweet!

End of February: I told him I needed to focus in God. And ended things. after that I felt like I was deranged for my fear of relationships.

April: I met a guy( guy2) who I had seen around school at a lock in, he got my Snapchat and from there I told myself the only way to conquer my fear is to just do it. So I began talking with him on a relationship type level from the start. He seemed very goal oriented and exactly what I was looking for. We started dating and it got serious very quick. We had just made ourself official on the 2week of talking and when I took a nap he called me hysterical that I didn't respond to his messages. My friends all hated him. And I felt God pulling me away from him because he didn't have the faith. So I ended things with him. Which turned into him trying to use God against me. Although the relationship was not the greatest. He found God. I take no credit for his salvation or his bringing to God. I think it is amazing however that God used that situation to bring another soul to him.

May: I started living with one of my closest friends due to some financial issues with my family. We had some pretty good times. Highs a lows. Still living with her currently

June: I passed my junior year of high school. And after the school year ended I moved to Idaho with my grandma. I got 5 jobs that summer. All the while I was talking to guy 3 from my church. He was super sweet.

July: I came back to Washington for my mentors wedding (which happens to be guy 1's older brothers wedding) I hung out with my friends and when the wedding came guys 1,2, and 3 were all there. Talk about awkward. After the wedding and everyone had all left guy 3 pulls me aside and we kiss. When we are kissing we hear guy 1 coming our way to tell me good bye. He leaves and we follow him shortly after. Guy 3 walks me to my car and kisses me goodbye.

August: after the wedding I went back to Idaho and began hanging out with old friend of mine who I grew up with. This guy who is 2 years younger than I am confessed his love for me. I resented it at first but eventually I hung out with him every chance I could. When summer was ending I made the choice to move back in with my friend and finish school with all my friends. So I left guy 4 in idaho.

September: Senior year started and I was feeling like I was on top of the world.

October: PTSD hit me and I was on rock bottom

November: I got the opportunity to go visit my family in Idaho for Thanksgiving. Guy 4 desperately wanted to see me but I was more focused on my family.

December: guy 1 wanted to rekindle our friendship cuz we were once best friends. I agreed. He later flaked. I went to see the new star wars movie with a friend of mine who had told me he liked me repeatedly ( guy 5) I told him no profusely. I got my wisdom teeth removed than 3 days later drove to Idaho. I saw guy 4. He was happy to see me. And seeing him again made me miss him more. I started texting guy3 and he was cool but he is definitely not the kind of guy I want in my life

In summary

I have had five flings and many things but thank God it's 2018 and I can start fresh and start right. Maybe this year I actually find the one who can end all flings. Here is to another year with more positivity and less promiscuity.

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Week 4

This week on Karissa's love life... the guy I've been talking to replied back to me almost a week later 😔 (right talk about stressful)But i was glad to say that he agreed with me him and I arent ready for a relationship and we both just want to grow as individuals and grow in our walk with God and be friends for now. Im happy he understood and also took it upon himself to strengthen his relationship with God and grow as an individual. This week I've been wondering why I have such a hard time with relationships, I have this over weighing fear of love and relationships. Its no suprise why. I havent seen a steady relationship. Yes i am blessed that my dad is still married to my mom but it feels as though it is still broken. My mom and dad speak negativity into eachothers lives constintly bringing eachother down. There was a point in my life where i was actually trying to convince my mom to divorce my dad so that she could be happy, i did the same for my dad. But their stubborness prevailed and they're still together. Since i started going to church i began to see what love was truly like and how you are supposed to love your significant other. Even if you don't believe in the christian faith every relationship should have these qualities "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4‭, ‬7 NLT if your relationship doesnt have this, make changes. These requirements shouldn't even have to be requirements they should be expected. You deserved to be loved this way. AND BTW's this doesn't only qualify a relationship for your significant other and yourself; this is with anyone in your life who you love! Every relationship in your life to meet these expectations if they dont talk with the person about it and make it happen you deserve to be loved in this way... See the reason I fear relationships is the fact that i have to allow someone to enter a part of me I have never seen. I dont know who I am in a relationship. But before I know who Iam in a relationship I have to know who I am outside of a relationship that way if everything fails and the person and I dont work out I still know who I am and know where I stand. If you read this to the end thank you ❤ I'd love to hear your insight, whether it be your wisdom or maybe even of you need wisdom. I promise I will reply honestly and willingly.

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Week 3

This week on a Karissas love life. I told the year in the past weeks that he and I shouldn't date or be in a relationship. He didn't reply for a day and when he did he sent me long messages about how I was just dragging him along and how he wanted to meet in the middle. I told him no I didn't think it would work. So he told me he would message me later. That was 2 days ago and still no reply back from him. I think he might be mad. 

If you have any questions or comments feel free to ask. C: see you next week!

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Confession  time

Whenever I'm at a friends house I always fart by their pets and then walk away. Then when my friend comes back they get mad at their pet and reprimand them. 

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Week 2

 This week on Karissas love life: So as you all know last week a guy I'm talking to told me he would kill himself if something had happened to me. Immediately I wanted to shut him out and leave him in the cold and that is what's I intended to do. I told my mentor and some close friends and they all agreed I should talk to him in person. So Saturday ,2/18/17, we planned to hang out and get subway and starbucks. Then is when I was going to confront him about how uncomfortable he made me and tell him we need to just be friends . Well on Monday ,2/13/17, he asks me if he can get me a gift because he is aware that I have a huge fear of commitment, relationships, and intimacy and didn't want to cross any boundaries.  I didn't want to refuse his gift on Saturday for Valentine's Day so I said it would be fine thinking it would be a cheap box of chocolates or something.  Because of my fear of relationships I decided to take Valentine's Day off for school. I wasn't in the mood to deal with the “lovey dovey” highschool scene. So I slept in, took a nice hot shower. After my shower I dressed in leggings, a pull over sweater, and threw my hair in a messy bun and didn't bother putting on any make-up. Around 3 the guy texted me and asked me if I like bears. I said I like koala bears. He said yeah haha people say I'm like a bear. Obviously he was going to get me a bear on Saturday. So being petty like I am, I continued to use one word messages and eventually he got the point to just leave me alone. Around 5:00p. my best friend messaged me and told me she would be coming over to in a little bit to give me a valentine gift.  So about 10mins later I hear a car door shut and I peek out my window expecting it to be hailey. But no it's the guy I'm talking to holding a vase full of roses and Lilly's with a cute little bear wrapped around the vase. I was freaking out. I raced to the door and there he was with his mom beside him taking pictures. I hugged and was super embarrassed because of how trashy I looked. But he still told me I looked beautiful :) . We talked for a little while but he eventually had to leave so we hugged goodbye and as soon as I closed the door behind me I started yelling hysterically completely flabbergasted. So when Saturday came around I spoke to him about the whole “kill myself situation” and he said he didn't mean it, he was just using that for affect. I didn't understand but if he wasn't super dramatic about it then I wasn't going to be either. We continued talking and I gave him my gift which was a cheap box of chocolates I got half off on the 15th, he loved them anyway. The date itself went great there were a few awkward encounters with people we knew, but overall it was refreshing.  We haven't talked much since then, but I'm sure throughout the week we'll talk more.  

               ~I'll keep you posted my lovelies talk to you next week! 

 ^^^ the flowers he got me <3

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compare yourself only to your previous self

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Week 1

Last Friday I went on a date with this guy I've been talking to for the past couple months. This date was nothing fancy we just went to a coffee shop and talked for about two hours his after coffee his parents who adore me took us out to lunch at Red Robin where his mother began to interigate me asking me every question you could image from food to very personal issues. I told this guy a lot about myself only to find out he then spills it all to his mom.  On Tuesday he and I were texting and he asked me what my favorite color is I told him purple. He replied with “"ever hear the saying a man grows up to marry his mom” to say the least I was greatly disturbed not only because he compared me to his mom but because he was already thinking about marriage, I don't know about you but those are two red flags.  But I decided to ignore it and take it as a compliment though it was strange. Then yesterday he told me that if anything were to happen between us he would kill him self.  Let me just say we are still in highschool and we aren't even officially dating. We've gone on one date and already he's so dependent on me he would end his life if we didn't work out. 

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him: your so pretty 😍 Omg!

me: my so pretty what?

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Story time

Me and my friend were hanging our right? We were smoking and got pretty blazed it was probably the highest I've ever been in my life. Anyway I had gotten pretty bad cotton mouth and got myself a cup of water after I pour my water I turn around and its just gone! I was freaking out I literally just had my fucking water. I was checking the cupboards, me and friend were so tripped out. So I grab another cup of water, not taking my eyes off of it for a second. Well 15 min or so go bye and Im getting the munchies and RIGHT THERE ON THE TOP FUCKING SHELF WAS MY WATER!!!!!!! I HAD JUST ASSUMED IT DISAPPEARED OR ALIENS HAD TAKEN IT OR SOME SHIT BUT NO!!! MY DUMBASS PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE.

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I don't understand you!

People who smile with both sets of teeth without looking weird. Please!! Teach me your ways!

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Short girl probs

*5'1 me meeting new people*

Him: Hey ;)

Me: Hey, what's up?

Him: Nothing much, how old are you?

Me: I'm 16 :D

Him: You're kinda short for 16 don't you think?

Me: *laughs awkwardly and dies a little on the inside D:*

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*stays alive just in case things get better*

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When you can't get enough monster.

*listening to monster by skillet, and drinking a monster energy drink*

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Accurate shit.

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If you don't remember how fucking annoying this guy was, you're too young.