#taking pictures of bardic inspiration

[greyias]

Booted up BG3 for the first time in a good while, intending to play a bit more of the Gale Squad save file. Intent was to actually progress the story!

Got distracted making pretty new outfits for Ari.

Failed step one.

[optimisticgrey]

I was inspired.

Based on this post by @ritzeldraws

Picture credit is also @ritzeldraws, of course!

Pairing: Gale x named Tav (Celeste)

WC: 1764

Warnings: Just cozy fluff.

A/N: The newly weds take a moment for themselves amongst the turmoil of their wedding Read on AO3

Celeste’s gaze swept across the room, the delicate “flute” of champagne cradled in her hand. Unlike the musical instrument, this flute was a fragile glass vessel, barely holding more than a sip of the sparkling, chilled drink Morena had insisted upon. Celeste savoured the subtle fizz and crisp flavour, finding it surprisingly enjoyable—much like most of the choices made for this day.

The small ballroom of the grand Dekarios estate glowed with the soft, golden light of romantic candles and floating orbs, an ethereal touch Gale had adamantly designed. It was breathtaking, the kind of beauty that seemed almost otherworldly, just as he intended.

Her gaze wandered over the crowd, a mix of dear friends and Gale’s family, whose presence felt more obligatory than warm. Loyal companions mingled seamlessly with Waterdeep’s high society: politicians she barely recognized, colourful-robed magicians from the Academy, Gale’s new colleagues. It was a blend of intimacy and formality that perfectly encapsulated their worlds.

The day had been unexpectedly long. Gale, always an early riser, had been up before the sun, singing in the bath and buzzing with excitement. But as the hours passed, his emotions cycled rapidly—nervousness giving way to elation, then overwhelmed tears as Celeste left for the venue. She could still feel the weight of his near-breakdown in her mind. She was grateful to be able to depend on Halsin and Wyll, entrusting them with the responsibility of caring for her future husband.

Thankfully, her friends had been her saving grace.

Karlach, radiating warmth and strength, had traveled all the way from Avernus to stand by her side. Their embrace had drained Celeste of tension she hadn’t even realized she carried.

“You’ve got this, soldier,” Karlach had grinned, her fiery enthusiasm contagious. “Let’s get you into that fancy dress.” Celeste had laughed, squeezing her hand tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here. I couldn’t do this without you.” “We’ve saved this world together, Cel. I think I can manage carrying you through one more battle—even if it’s just against Gale’s family,” Karlach teased with a wink.

Ah, Gale’s family. That had been a delicate matter. While most of them had welcomed her, Gale’s mother had been less subtle with her barbed remarks. Questions about Celeste’s lack of family, her bardic profession (which was apparently considered improper), and her lack of wizardly or academic credentials had all been acknowledged with faint smiles and feigned politeness.

The ceremony itself had been a dream, surpassing even Celeste’s wildest expectations. She had written her vows as a song for Gale, each note infused with the depth of her love and the journey they had shared. Before she had even reached the second line, Gale was crying. By the end of the song, the entire room was caught in the moment—sniffles echoing softly as guests tried, and failed, to discreetly blow their noses.

And then, there were Gale’s vows, shining as the true centerpiece of the ceremony. They were brilliant and heartfelt, each word woven with the eloquence and passion he commanded so effortlessly. Even the most stoic and unwilling were moved, tears glistening in their eyes as his words resonated deeply with everyone present.

Instead of exchanging rings, they had chosen something more personal. Celeste had commissioned an earring for Gale—a delicate piece bearing the Dekarios family crest, designed with the precision of a master artisan. His reaction had been overwhelming, his joy and a few tears spilling over when she presented it to him. Gale, in turn, had gifted her an ear cuff, a fine silver creation tracing the curve of her ear in floating musical notes, as ethereal and unique as their love. The day had stretched on, each moment filled to the brim. The ceremony itself had been breathtaking. Lunch followed, a dazzling affair that left her heart and stomach full. Then came the seemingly endless parade of well-wishers, each eager to shake their hands, offer congratulations, and heap praise upon them for everything: their meticulously coordinated attire, the stunning venue, the emotional vows… everything.

Celeste had smiled through it all, but the hours were beginning to wear on her. Their decision to forego traditional gifts in favour of a collection box had been a mutual choice—one they felt reflected their values. But they hadn’t named the cause aloud for fear Halsin would disapprove. After all, he shouldn’t have mentioned the Reithwin school needing a new roof and a whole stack of books, if he didn’t want them to consider it.

The thought made her smile quietly to herself, a small, private reprieve from the swirl of activity surrounding her.

Celeste’s eyes found Gale across the room. He stood chatting with Halsin, Wyll, Jenevelle and a professor she barely knew—a halfling from the Academy, teaching Divination or Conjuring, though she couldn’t recall which. Gale looked every bit the refined gentleman in his tailored suit, a masterpiece of dark blue and silver, perfectly complementing her dress. The intricate embroidery, the crisp cut of his vest, and the polished chain dangling from his jacket pocket were all immaculate. Even his hair was styled just the way she loved, with strands framing his face while the rest was swept back neatly and partly bound at the back of his head.

She smiled as she watched him, her heart swelling with love. For the first time in weeks, he looked relaxed. This day meant everything to him—a formal acknowledgment of their bond within his city, his culture. And seeing him so at ease, she felt a surge of pride and affection.

As if sensing her gaze, Gale turned and caught her eye. His expression softened immediately, a radiant smile spreading across his face. He crossed the room toward her, extending his arm. Celeste set her glass down and placed her hand in his, allowing him to pull her close. With a flourish, he spun her and bent her backward into a dramatic kiss.

The room erupted in a mix of gasps and applause, but Celeste barely noticed. She wrapped her arm around his neck, surrendering to the warmth and depth of his kiss. Celeste melted into his embrace, her surroundings fading into insignificance. In his arms, there was nothing else but the two of them and the infinite love they shared.

When they finally rose, Gale’s eyes were bright and tender as he gazed into hers. “I am beyond lucky to have you, do you know that? Even the power of the Weave feels mundane compared to how you make me feel.”

Celeste smiled gently, caressing his cheek. “You look as though you could use a reprieve,” Gale whispered. He inclined his head toward the ballroom doors.

“This is our big day, my spark,” she reminded him, a soft smile gracing her lips.

"They’ll hardly take note, and dinner isn’t for another two hours,” he said, his tone light yet persuasive. “Let them have their fill of wine—we’ll return well before the meal is served."

As he noticed her hesitation, his smile warmed further. “I promise.”

Celeste glanced around the room. He was right. Their guests were engrossed, the group of bards she’d carefully chosen playing lively tunes while laughter, dancing, and the clinking of glasses filled the air. She took his hand, her resolve softening, and allowed him to lead her out through the grand halls of the estate.

“I spent many summers of my childhood in this place,” Gale said as they walked, his voice carrying a note of fond nostalgia. “One of my aunts owns the estate, and when my mother was off traveling, my cousins were tasked with entertaining me—though, truth be told, it was more about keeping a watchful eye on me. Not always successfully, I might add.”

They passed doors and descended stairs with Gale moving purposefully, leading her through spaces steeped in memories he rarely spoke of. Eventually, they reached an unused bedroom, the furniture draped in protective white sheets.

Gale gently guided her into the room, his hand lingering on her back as he closed the door behind them. The far wall was made entirely of glass, its doors and windows framing a breathtaking view of the estate. He grinned, that familiar twinkle of mischief lighting his eyes.

“Don’t allow yourself to be carried off just yet,” he teased, his voice tinged with playful drama. With a flourish, he opened the glass doors, leading her onto the terrace.

The terrace itself was enchanting. Celeste couldn’t help but catch her breath. A neatly arranged sofa sat beneath a canopy overgrown with ivy, and a small table hosted a bottle of wine and two glasses. The view was stunning, stretching across the rolling hills and fields below, all the way to the shimmering sea on the horizon. The sinking sunbathed everything in a warm glow, casting the scene in an almost dreamlike light.

Gale settled onto the sofa, his movements calm and deliberate. He poured wine into both glasses, then offered her one with a warm smile, though he didn’t press her to accept.

“This wine, I believe, will suit your palate quite nicely,” he said, his voice rich with affection. As she joined him, he reached for her hip and kissed her cheek.

Celeste accepted the glass and took a sip. The wine was deep and rich, its flavours lingering pleasantly on her tongue.

“It’s perfect,” she murmured, her gaze flicking to Gale’s face, where his contentment mirrored her own.

“Thank you for making time for this. For me. I realize this day is significant for both of us, but I feared we’d become lost amid all the commotion—losing sight of what truly matters: you.”

Gale’s wonderful eyes searched hers, earnest and tender, as his hand sought hers, clasping it gently.

Celeste leaned forward, kissing him softly, the gesture warm and playful as she let the tip of her tongue tease his lower lip. He smiled against her mouth, a quiet laugh rumbling in his chest.

“There is nothing I would rather do than sit here, by your side, Gale,” she promised. His smile softened, and his thumb brushed over the back of her hand.

“How are you feeling now that we’ve taken this step?” he asked, his tone thoughtful. “Marriage is no small matter.”

“Don’t overdo it,” Celeste teased, raising an eyebrow, and Gale chuckled.

“And I might add,” she added with a playful grin, “you should have brought up any reservations before we exchanged vows…”

For a moment, Gale stared at her, a spark of amusement in his gaze before his laughter broke free—warm, rich, and utterly infectious. It made her heart flutter, her fingers tingling.

“You are, as ever, correct,” he conceded, still wearing that faint, amused smile. “All the same… thank you, Celeste, for simply being who you are. I wouldn’t alter a single detail, given the chance. To be here with you—finding a peaceful moment in your exclusive company amid all this celebration—is more than I ever dared to dream.”

[invinciblerodent]

Silk and Silverite, the complete series (so far), by Lady Stéphanie Toutlemonde-Baliverne of Val Royeaux

in-fiction Dragon Age fiction, because why not

Silk and Silverite

Featuring no subtitle, the book was meant to be a one-off, but upon the wildly positive reception (five scarves fluttered in shock out of five!), the work was expanded into a series.

This first volume, fittingly to the title, is a fairly basic story about a whirlwind romance between a wealthy surface dwarf merchant-woman with a price on her life, and a beautiful bard (known only as "Lady Cinquefoil") that mostly follows the conventions of Orlesian bardic romances, and shocks mainly with just how explicit it is for its genre.

It's rumored to have been inspired by the author's own scandalous affair, however this is mostly due to the staggering amount of very specific details pictured, as there is next to nothing known about the secretive authoress.

Vol.02.: Lustrous Cotton

Following one of the secondary protagonists of the original Silk and Silverite, Lustrous Cotton is about a meek, scholarly mage in 9:41, now a rebel against his will, trying to make his way across the Fereldan countryside with a hired bodyguard: a tortured and complex woman, a deserter of the Templar order, who is trying to eke out a living by taking people across the wartorn Hinterlands for coin. The two, of course, fall into mad love roughly 80 pages in, and then proceed to make (both figuratively and literally explosive) love in tents and inns all over the country, before fleeing both the war and their Templar pursuers towards the Tevinter Imperium.

While controversial in its choice of protagonists, the book is commended often on its creative yet heavily eroticized use of magic, and its accuracy in depicting the difficulties of stripping off armor while in the ~throes of passion~.

Vol.03.: Vyrantium Samite

As a hard pivot from the previous two books' southern settings, the third installment of the series continues in Tevinter, and takes the reader to a fictional version of the underbelly of the upper echelons of Imperial society, featuring the entanglement of a handsome magister and an equally handsome Orlesian ex-chevalier in the heart of Minrathous. It's easily the most inaccurate to its setting of all the books, and it sparked quite a bit of controversy both with its generous blasphemies, and by coming out in the same year as Lord Gallanter Pismire's "The Magister’s Temptation", and Lord Gustave Thibault Beaumarchais’ "Champions of the Lust - To Break an Imperial Stallion", which both feature some eerily similar characters.

This, of course, fizzled out quickly, as it soon became obvious that these books were not all copies of each other, but were merely inspired by the exact same people (with Pismire and Beumarchais drawing on the Inquisitor's figure far less subtly), and Vyrantium Samite at least never used expressions like "quivering flesh-cavern", or "pulsing man-meat". (Editions after the first one feature a mysterious endorsement on the back cover signed only as "R.": "To draw from life with such boldness is a thing both wonderful, and mildly terrifying.")

Vol.04: Fade-touched Velvet

Any semblance of and overarching plot or an interconnection that the previous installments would have introduced is chucked straight out the window, as this installment is written from the perspective of Juliette, a cheeky apprentice in the newly formed College of Enchanters, and recounts her taboo romance with an enchanting desire demon seeking to possess her. (Which explains why exactly the titular "velvet" is "fade-touched".)

The demon's shapeshifting abilities are, of course, explored in extreme depth, touching on yet more Andrastian themes of blasphemy and desire that leave the average reader feeling both flustered and vaguely guilty, and the book ends with a series-atypical cliffhanger that had readers writing letter after disgruntled letter to the Randy Dowager in such numbers, that Her Ladyship had to put out a notice that she will simply stop reviewing the series if people don't stop bugging her about it. (Five scarves fluttered in shock out of five, of course.)

Vol.05.: Rough Hide

The author seems to dial the oddities back in with this installment, as it features, once more, a fairly common Orlesian plot structure and a conventional depiction of a fictional Grey Warden, a gruff and determined dwarf woman with a heart of gold, and her partner, a plucky, yet sweet recruit- a thief both petty and pretty, who chose to join the Order as an alternative to either a hanging, or a Chantry cloister.

This one, though still explicit, is cited as by far the most loving, most romantic book in the series, as the "burn" seems slowest in this one, and the characters' palpable bond tugs at the heartstrings. The two often meditate on mortality, love, and loss- mostly after bouts in the bedroll that definitely fit the title.

The dedication of this book raises eyebrows, as it is merely "Thinking Always of You".

Vol.06: TBA

The newest installment was set to be released 9:53 Dragon, but, well... it wasn't, for obvious reasons.

Rumor has it, the title was to be Paragon's Luster, and it intended to delve quite deep into Orzammar's caste politics and royalty (again, both figuratively and literally), but it'll understandably take a few years to actually be released, if it ever will be.

[dailycharacteroption]

Lion Blade (Pathfinder Second Edition Archetype)

(art by madspartan013 on DeviantArt)

When one thinks of espionage and crowded city streets, one imagines sneaky enemy agents vanishing into the crowd, befuddling or even outright escaping the heroes. (or alternatively, heroic agents using the crowd to hide from villainous authorities.)

However, there are those that would use those very crowds to undo the sneaks instead of the other way around, such as the spies and secret peacekeepers of Taldor, the Lion Blades.

While Taldor is not the picture of a perfect empire by any means, the Lion Blades are not an oppressive secret police, but rather hidden agents that root out assassins, saboteurs, spies, and the like by being unnoticed by their prey until it is too late and the crowds they sought to hide in feel more like walls closing in, leaving nowhere to hide.

Traditionally, Lion Blades are drawn from bardic training (In keeping with how the original First Edition prestige class, which I haven’t covered yet, worked), but they also draw upon many different backgrounds. As such, the Second Edition archetype has more broad, general abilities, letting their original training shine through and make for a truly unique agent.

The base dedication of being a Lion Blade provides training in disguise and stealth, as well as advanced disguise techniques to make it easier to appear as other ancestries as long as there is no extreme differences in size.

Many in the organization learn to disappear into crowds just as easily as their quarry, becoming unnoticed among the masses.

The press of the crowd can be inhibiting, and many Lion Blades take advantage of this, striking for a foe’s vulnerable points when they are surrounded.

Some Lion Blades are especially athletic runners, able to move much more quickly in the pursuit of their targets.

Just as their contemporaries may use magic to detect malicious intent, so too may assassins and spies use similar magic to notice when they’ve been found. As such, some Lion Blades learn to deceive divinatory magic as long as they can resist the initial detection.

Whether they take advantages of mundane things like disguise shifts and blind spots, or they use minor magics to distort other’s perception, some of these counter-spies can partially conceal their actions in a fight, making it hard to target them accurately.

Aside from their knack for using crowds against their foes, this archetype holds little in common with it’s First Edition namesake, but you can still emulate that legacy by combining this archetype with bardic magics and roguish tricks, no matter what base class you use. Beyond that, being sneaky and perceptive are major boons here, so classes that work well with those are very useful, but don’t be afraid to try more combat or spellcasting-oriented builds as well.

Whether you use this in the Lost Omens setting or as a basis for another counter-spy organization, this archetype is just one way to explore the complexities of intrigue and espionage. Definitely brush up on your detective and spy fiction to get some inspiration here.

The King’s Vanguard, a collection of spies working to protect the nation and the royal line, have been tracking a smuggling ring that has suddenly become more bold and well-funded recently. What they do not realize is that their new funding comes from a mad wizard seeking to smuggle a monstrous cursed sword into the city, one which he hopes to use to turn the King into a blood-hungry monster.

Espionage is, ostensibly, not the orcish way, and yet every warrior-king that has ever been close to actually uniting the various clans under one banner has made use of spies and guards to keep the influx of challengers in check, even going so far as to assassinate them in public.

Revered by the nomadic peoples up north, Thunderbirds are normally not seen in the southern Qotl Empire, but one has appeared, drawn her as if by some calling. Fearing for the nation’s safety, the king has commanded the Stalking Panthers, his elite guardians, to discover the source of this calling before the constant storms bring his people to ruin.

[archduchessgortash]

Let's talk about the Clasped Book...

The Astral Plane/Astral Sea, where Vlaakith kept the Mysterious Artifact (Astral Prism), and the Experiment on Cruor (not pictured). Here's a link, though...

Also realistic timeframes for completion of Act 1 and Act 2 up to reaching Moonrise Towers to even find the book. (This part turned into a semi-walkthrough for Act 1).

Incoming timeline theories and possible clarification to fix this weird inconsistency...

The Clasped Book implies that roughly a tenday has passed since a tadpoled Durge left Moonrise Towers on the Nautiloid. I don't think that this timeline for Durge's departure is feasible. In order for it to work, we have to speedrun the first two acts, and assume that the time required to complete the mission to steal the Astral Prism was negligible.

Let's start with the Astral Sea, where Vlaakith's stronghold was located. You can NOT spend weeks or months on the astral plane and have no time pass on the prime material plane. It will feel as though little time has passed to you, as essentially your own internal clock is going in slow-motion while you are there. However, on your home plane, time is chugging along as usual. If you spent 30 years in the Astral, then pop back into the Prime, you won't have aged at all, but your friends at home will have spent all those years without you, aging accordingly.

Time spent in the Astral cannot account for this short time frame. It, in fact, makes it even less likely to be correct, as the lack of time's impact on those in the Astral might cause them to take longer to complete tasks. At the very least, we need to appreciate that any time spent in the Astral, has also passed on Toril.

Knowing the location of Vlaakith's stronghold doesn't mean it will only take five minutes for the strike team to steal the Astral Prism. Realistically, there would be recon and planning prior to the assault, especially with the Emperor running the mission. Even controlled by an elder brain, illithid are cunning. We could assume all recon was done before Durge was moved there, which is possible. We would still need at least a day for the mission itself. The day of our escape, which starts on the Nautiloid, we land on the riverbank, and it's still daylight out. Thus the heist did not happen on that day.

In order for the Clasped Book to be accurate, we have exactly nine days to get through Act 1 and arrive at Moonrise Towers to search Balthazar's quarters.

How long does it take to get to Moonrise Towers in a non-speedrun game?

Day 1: [Post-Nautiloid] When we wake up, we've probably already blown our spell slots or other long-rest rechargeable class-specific limitations. What makes the most sense is to collect our nearby followers (Shart, Astarion & Gale), fight the brains, then long rest before continuing. We could push on, relying on our newfound companions to carry us, but most players I know don't do that. We long rest, listen to our new friends worry and complain, and now have eight days to make the timeline work.

Day 2: We clear those nearby ruins and meet everyone's favorite death god turned camp comic relief, Withers 'No' Boneman. We may or may not notice Lae'zel tucked away, cozy in her cage, but if we do, we snatch up our adorable grinch and rest again, because once more, we are out of spell slots or bardic inspiration, etc. More complaining and concerns, Lae'zel is glowering at our back constantly now, but we have seven days to make that book not a liar.

Day 3: We approach the grove and a fight breaks out. Cue Wyll's campy superhero entrance and our biggest fight so far. A little strategy ensures we win with no casualties. We save a slightly ungrateful tiefling from a bugbear, possibly kick an innocent if cranky squirrel, stop a fight or punch one or more of the humanoids involved, then head further in. Finally, we can sell all this junk... We meet Rolan [I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight playing in our heads], convince him to stay or buzz off (how could you?), then recruit Wyll. We chat up anyone who will talk to us, deal with Sazza, meet a blacksmith and a hilarious old lady who is totally NOT a hag, let Lae'zel domme a tiefling, get robbed by some kids, then watch a guy turn into a bear. We meet Volo, steal an amulet from a different bear, stop Khaga from becoming a child murderer (hopefully), learn some stuff about Shart and talk to a healer who promptly tries to kill us... unless we promise to drink poison before we turn. After five-finger discounting some sus documents, we realize we should rest again, but we'll just look around the grove a bit more. Should be safe enough, right? We take the path to the left and poof! A devil pops up. As if the day can't get weirder, we wander around, find a dead boar and Astarion acts even more sus than usual. We take our rest after that, then let a hangry, fanged twunk bite us or we stake him. Luckily for us that amulet we stole from the bear can clear our Bloodless debuff. Six days left.

Day 4: We meet Alfira (be nice to her or else!), follow the singing and save a kid from harpies. Then we loot and get Mol to give us back our stuff, but she wants us to steal the idol. It's worth doing, but not right away, so we leave the grove and head toward the Blighted Village. We meet a True Soul and get his tadpole, or not. Then we deal with an owlbear in a cave. Get more Shart lore. For Durges, the bridge is your trigger for a certain event related to your plot. We talk our way into the village, save the best deep gnome in the known universe from his plight, slap around or intimidate goblins, maybe con a few ogres, interrupt some coitus, and explore a secret door or two. Also, Gale needs to nom a necklace or something to stave off sploding. We are probably out of spells again after fighting the undead in the Alchemist's basement. We're definitely out if we failed to talk our way in and had to fight. Also Shart probably wants to talk after finding stuff. Durges might want to KO a certain bard if they want her to appear in Act 2, but then we rest again. Five days left.

Day 5: Everyone is giving our Durges the side eye, but... Spiders in the well! Spiders in the well! Toast the Matriarch and her kids, then loot thoroughly. Give a vampire a book to beat Cazador to death with. Now we either pop into the Sunlit Wetlands (Swamp) to find dirt on Khaga, or head to the goblin camp. I usually save the swamp for later, to keep buying potions from Ethel at the grove. We can also detour and grab Karlach, take out the phony paladins and talk to Scratch at this point, and I'd recommend it. Lot of looting, too. Don't forget to feed your wizard. I usually avoid the gnolls for a little bit. We talk our way into the goblin camp, then have the Astral Prism related cutscene (hello, handsome, younger man 🤔), which we know means we should rest, or we will miss story points. So that's what we do. Because we play RPGs for story. When devs link story progression to resting, their timelines are at the mercy of their players. Rest, meet Mizora, then our dream visitor, realize we are not going to be mind flayers in like 2 days, phew! Four days left to validate Balthazar's concept of time...

Day 6: We deal with the owlbear cub if he's still around (he better be, you monsters), distract an incompetent bard, find out that the goblins kidnapped a Duke, maybe bite off a goblin's toe if we want to fight the whole camp now, or steal his ring instead, chat up more gobbos, looting carefully as we go. We enter the temple, take or don't take the brand, then follow Priestess Gut and we either submit and get saved by Korilla or we beat down an old goblin lady who has a crush on Gortash (no, not me). We can work our magic to save the guy from being thrown in the spider pit if we are quick and clever enough. Then we save Volo, meet everyone's favorite BDSM boytoy Abdirak, free the overzealous lad on the rack and get his info. We con Dror Ragzlin, but don't talk to Minty yet unless you're taking her down permanently here. We can free Halsin and ask him to wait. Since a lot of this isn't combat, we can finish a bunch in one day. Once we go check out Waukeen's Rest, we have to save everyone from the fire without leaving the area or they die, and we will have gnolls to fight and Zhents to save if we approach from the fast-travel point near the paladins. Once that's all done, we will need to rest again. This leaves us with three days.

Day 7: We pop over to the swamp and grab the dirt on Khaga, then confront her and the Shadow Druids. I like keeping her alive so I can listen to Halsin yell at her when he's back. Next, we go back into the goblin camp and either begin the slow process of purging the place to fully free Halsin, or we tell Minthara about the grove. I like telling Minthara, then betraying her when she arrives so all the tieflings get to participate in defending the grove (you can KO her here to allow for Act 2 recruitment). An Elixir of Vigilance, Haste potions and Dimension Door scrolls will help focus down the spiders before they can hop the gates. I managed the battle with no casualties on Balanced difficulty. Telling Minthara means we have to rest again for progression. 2 days remain.

Day 8: We save the grove, Halsin shows up, we can talk to everyone, and tonight we have a party to attend. We can carefully steal the idol now under the cover of a darkness scroll, arrow or spell. We can run around and do a few more things, like mop up the rest of the goblin camp, and we do, but we want our party! So we rest, give Mol the idol, get lots of conversations, time with our LI, and now we have 1 day left...

Day 9: Auntie Ethel and the Underdark. If she doesn't take all your limited, rest-dependent resources, the minotaurs or the spectator will. Not to mention the hook horrors, the bulette, and the hostile Duergar if you side with the Myconids. And don't forget the Arcane Tower... We also get to meet the only illithid that is better alive than dead. [Sorry, Empy, I hate your face] So we need to rest again before we go to the Grymforge, leaving us out of days...

Finishing the Grymforge and entering the Shadow-Cursed Lands (if we want to get yelled at and wait to do the Crèche until right before the Gauntlet of Shar) could be done in one day if we beelined to Moonrise Towers, but we would miss so much story doing that... and possibly get more npcs we like killed in the process. It wouldn't make sense to me at all to do that.

To finish everything, I think we would need at least 5 more days before even entering Act 2. I know we need a few rests in the Shadow-Cursed Lands to progress follower storylines, too. For my characters, we are usually in Moonrise Towers by late Eleint, meaning 20-30 long rests have been done since day 1 of the game. I did a few extras to 'clear the queue' to ensure I didn't miss story scenes, but still... more than a tenday.

The answer? Longer than 9 days.

So, how do we explain the dates?

It is my thinking that Durge was gone on the Nautiloid for much longer than one day, and that completing the game up to Moonrise Towers takes any reasonable, non-speedrunning player more than nine long rests.

I suspect the intention of the dates is to indicate that Durge was shipped out on the nautiloid a tenday before the first in-game day: the 20th of Eleasis, 1492, meaning they left on the 10th. Since we can technically get to the book on the first day if we speedrun, this seems the most likely explanation.

So when did Durge get attacked?

Yet another debatable timeline point...

Experiment on Cruor begins with a journal entry dated the 3rd of Nightal (irl December). There's no year in the entries. Context tells us this is Orin's log regarding the arrival of her butler and leads us to believe it is written after she attacked Durge. Baldur's Gate 3 starts on the 20th of Eleasis (irl August) in the Year of Three Ships Sailing 1492 DR. Ergo, Orin's log must have been written in 1491 or possibly earlier. This source is the reason most of us place Durge's disappearance no later than the first couple of days in Nightal 1491.

Our supposition is that Orin received her butler after she became Bhaal's Chosen. Dialogue with Sceleritas in-game seems to imply this as well (can't find a clip, sorry).

However, it seems that Durge had Sceleritas with them prior to becoming Bhaal's Chosen, given that the obsequious imp was present during the events of Blood in Baldur's Gate, which took place in 1477.

Torlin Silvershield became Bhaal's Chosen around 1482, following the Murder Lord's resurrection (when the last two of the original Bhaalspawn conceived while Bhaal was trapped in a mortal form were slain). Thayans snatched Silvershield and turned him into a wight sometime after that.

While many other gods have multiple chosen at the same time, Bhaal doesn't seem to do that. Orin had to challenge or in some other way defeat Durge in order to become the new Chosen. Thus, Durge probably wasn't the Chosen at the time of Blood in Baldur's Gate. They likely assumed the mantle in 1482 or later. And yet, Sceleritas was with them.

It is possible that Durge is just special, being Bhaal's favored offspring, and was given their butler before becoming the Chosen.

I went down this particular rabbit hole for devil's advocating the option of invalidating before Nightal 1491 as the time of disappearance. Not to fit any particular headcanon. It just occurred to me. It's possible that Orin might have received her butler when she became a contender for Chosen, not immediately following nonconsensually lobotomizing her bloodkin. This could mean that Durge may have been gone for a much longer or a much shorter period of time.

But what about the line: mind-mangled bloodkin?

Doesn't that prove the journal came after?

Only if you want it to. Orin greatly disapproves of Durge. She could easily have considered them mentally unsound prior to the attack. Because of the way the rest of the journal is worded, it's easy to assume she's already the Chosen at this point, but she doesn't necessarily have to be. She could be postulating on the future. For that reason, if someone wants to think Durge hasn't been gone as long as most of the fandom agrees they were, there's no definitive in-game proof that they're wrong.

Anyhoo... there's wiggle room even in-canon if y'all want your Durges to have only been missing for a few months, instead of nearly the full gestational period of a fetus.

[bhaal-battle-beer-bard]

Welcome to Saulus' new Waning Moon Distillery 🌙 Under New Management

My name is Saulus and I am the Dark Urge Tiefling (Vampire) Bhaal Battle Beer Bard Tav of @judasiskariot (aka MissZombieSlayer)

Together with my patreon and Mäzenin judasiskariot, I will write all the bardic inspiration stuff for you.

Be prepared for songs, dirty limericks, poetry, ballads, incorrect quotes and headcanons.

Masterlist

COMMISSIONS OPEN

Available in German and English (in mind that English is not my native language, please be merciful 🙏)

I am here for the art trade.

Take writing requests for some funny art trade.

You can commission me to write bard songs or poems about your favourite BG3 character or your Tav.

I don't say it is going to be good😆😅🙈 But I will always try my best and hope I create something that makes you smile and brings us joy to both of us 🙂🫶❤️

What I do:

- Funny roasting shenanigans tavern bard songs and dirty limericks

(About a specific person, topic or moment of your adventure)

- Sad or romantic ballads about your Tav, character, romance

- Poem about your Tav, companion or romance by choice

- Poem or letter written by a character for your Tav/You or romance partner by choice (I will try at least; I don't understand every companion in the same intense way)

- Tav perfume

What I don't do:

- I guess we will see when it really happens

- A specific wordcount I guess, it will be one or two Word document/my poetry book side long most of the time

BEFORE I start writing:

* Let me know if you want it in rhymes or not (or I will do as I please) and if it should include a specific topic, theme, incident

* Let me know if there is any character or topic you totally not want to be roasted/being made fun of in the funny bard songs

(I mean it is all fun and everyone should be able to laugh about themselves but is totally fine to say what you like and what you dislike)

* When it will include your Tav I will need a picture and information about their background and personality

Want to talk about BG3 (and more)? I love to talk! Message me here or on mainblog @judasiskariot

Jelayah, the Half-elf fighter

Saulus, the Tiefling bard (durge)

Devorah, the Drow bard (durge)

My fanfictions here:

AO3 + Animexx MissZombieSlayer

Want to know more about the Bhaal Battle Beer Bard?

I love art, poetry, vampires and being a slut.

Her name is Saulus. She is sassy little Dark Urge Tiefling Bhaal Battle Beer Bard, dreaming of a retirement with Astarion at Moonrise Towers with best friend Thisobald Thorm.

The Tiefling bard is banned from most gnome weddings and some cities in Faerûn 😂 There is some fun rivalry between her and Volo 😄

Her dream is to marry Astarion, start a family and settle down with him at Moonrise Towers to reopen the Waning Moon Distillery.

(The party, "Opa" Ketheric, bhaal cult and the undead horde are babysitters)

She uses two hand crossbows, wanted to be an evil bhaal babe, but ended up doing all the right things 😄 The Urge is still strong in her, so better not making here angry 😈

She is absolutely in love with Astarion and the owl bear cub (her son) and Thisobald is her best friend.

She is insecure about her Tiefling look, holding her tail when she is nervous. Saulus plays dirty funny limericks with the lute and mostly lyra but with two missing strings at the moment💀(maybe she doesn't take criticism very well😅)

She likes gnomes but is banned from most gnome festivities because she confuses them with kids and is singing too many dirty limericks (at children's birthday parties thinking it is a wedding; but also inappropriate for weddings though... 😅)

Saulus: "Let me tell you my bardic epos:

After all fires in Baldur's Gate are extinguished only one remains: Cazador's palace. I burn it down, so Astarion is getting his head clear and get over his Ascension Master God Complex. And because the handymen failed to build a palace door in owlbear size for our son the owlbear cup. In consequence of I won the drinking competition against my bff Thisobald Thorm I inherited (more or less official and legal) the propery deed of The Waning Moon.

Ketheric is still alive and our grandpa Ketheric now.

I marry Astarion, start a family and settle down with him at Moonrise Towers to reopen the Waning Moon Distillery.

And when Opa Ketheric is holding the little half Elf Tiefling Vampire baby for the first time, you can see how the light and will to live is coming back into his eyes.

I am the bard at the bar, barkeeper and my own best customer.

The party, "Opa" Ketheric, the bhaal cult and the undead ghoul horde of vampirelord Astarion are the babysitters. (Everyone wants to look after the baby but the party is failing miserable and Dammon is giving them babysitter lessons because Karlach is also pregnant and is lending Dadstarion Clive til her baby is coming. Opa Ketheric is always babysitter of the month, but surprisingly closed followed by the ghoul and bhaal assassins. Father bhaal is not really welcome but Sceleritas of course!)

Needless to say we still have a vacation home at Baldur's Gate and coming back there with a little family.

When we are walking through the city, we do it in single file and every child (also the owlbear cub of course!) is holding the tail of the sibling in front, so no one is getting lost in the big city. One child do not have a tail, because it is more elfish than the rest, but he is wearing a costume tail to be part of it and he insists that Papa Astarion is also wearing a fake one, so that they are all similar.

Astarion and I always must pay reparations, because the owlbear cup grew to like rose pedals at the wedding and now it destroys the gardens at Baldur's Gate.

I perform dirty limericks and funny songs about our friends and adventures at the Elfsong Tavern. And especially by the order of Lord Gortash many songs about Dragons(born).

Yeah almost everyone is alive.

Astarion and the party are the bouncers so everyone must watch the whole concert. Yes Astarion supports everything his wife does! The stupider, the better. And because as the only one he is wearing earplugs.

pics by aristenfromwarsaw

[transmogrified-in-the-void]

Chapter 3

Cato gets to join in on a practice sesh of Bardic Inspiration! It goes great!

Virtue sips at their coffee as the TV broadcast plays. “Notorious villain The Disparaged Baron has finally been apprehended by A-Class hero Brass Dagger. While their fight left many without a place to sleep, many more will no longer have to fear for their lives. The Hero Agency of America has offered to help rebuild those who had their homes destroyed. My name is Daven Blockett, and this is the morning news.”

The TV then shows a short video of the end of the fight. Disparaged Baron, dressed as a Musketeer, runs at Bronze Dagger with a thin sword. Bronze Dagger sidesteps the charge, and throws Baron up 20 feet into the air. There’s a glimmer as Dagger throws something, and the footage cuts to the main news desk.

“I can’t imagine doing that.” Airael walks into the living room and sits next to Virtue on the couch.

“Doing what, Hero work?” Virtue asks as they take another sip.

“I guess. I mostly mean getting involved with Powered fights.” He clarifies. “I know my Power would technically be classified as Consumption, but it still gives me an exponential boost to my physical limits. Which means that if I got involved with a fight, no matter which side I was on, both villain and Hero would try and get me out of the picture first.”

Virtue nods along as he explains. “I couldn’t even imagine what they’d do to Gemini if she got into a Power fight, or Absinthe if they-” Virtue cuts themselves off, not wanting to finish the sentiment. Airael understands, though, and sighs.

“This shit sucks.”

“More than I could imagine.”

Gemini wanders in with a piece of toast, and she raises an eyebrow at the now glum mood of the living room. “Did the kid get into a car accident? What’s with the mood?”

“Powers.” Airael says. Gemini takes a big bite of her toast, and takes her time chewing it as she thinks over the implications of that word.

Gemini swallows, and stomps over in front of the TV. She faces the pair on the couch with a sharp glare. “We can get back to the doom and gloom of our life later. Absinthe has everything set up, so all we need is Kid Strings to get his ass over here. So get your asses in there right now.”

Virtue stands up and drains the rest of their coffee. “You’re bad at pep talks.” They note, and Gemini whacks them.

“Yeah, but I got you going so I win.”

Airael gets to his feet, and wraps Gemini up in his arms. “You’re right, we gotta go make some kick ass music.”

Virtue turns off the TV and moves to the emptied out master bedroom that has become the practice space of Bardic Inspiration. Absinthe is taking out her old beat up electric guitar and leaning it up on the wall. Everything else has been set up, there’s sheets of music that Michael left behind on the one and only table in the room.

Absinthe turns around and lights up. “Oh! Hey V, didn’t see you there.”

“Most people don’t.” Virtue shrugs as they make their way to the chair put up just for them. “It’s a gift.”

“Man, what I’d do for that.” Absinthe groans.

“For being unnoticed?”

“For having a gift.”

The familiar heavy click of the front door opening cuts through the conversation before Virtue can make a response, and they hear Gemini welcome whoevers at the door with a saccharine voice. Airael mutters something, and the voice of Cato responds monotonously.

Three sets of footsteps start to make way to the practice room, and Absinthe starts to move around.

“V, he’s here, oh my god he’s here, we get to play together, I can’t believe it, can you believe it? I’m so excited, you have no-” She cuts herself off as Gemini, Airael, and Cato show up in the doorframe. “Hi!”

Gemini slides into the room as Absinthe rushes forwards to greet Cato. She shakes his hand and drags him inside, making a wide gesture to the humble setup. “Welcome to where the magic happens!”

“Uh, cool.” Cato mutters as he steps out of Absinthe’s grip. His eyes flick around, first to Virtue, then to the drum set, then to the electric guitar harmlessly sitting against the wall. “You guys, uh, already have a guitar.”

“Told ya.” Gemini elbows Cato’s ribs, making him flinch. “We didn’t know if you only had an acoustic or not. There’s also some music for the songs we’re gonna practice today on the table, if you wanna look through them.” She gestures to the handwritten sheet music, and walks behind her drum set and drops down in the seat. She grabs her drumsticks and starts to idly rap them on the rim of the snare.

Airael makes his entrance quietly, and struts to the purple and gold bass on the stand next to the drums. As he slides it on, he glances at Cato. “Last chance to jump ship, kid.”

Cato’s hand twitches, and he storms to the guitar and slings it over his shoulder. “I’m not a kid. You guys aren’t that much older than me.”

Virtue raises an eyebrow. Airael turns around and shrugs, looking bored. “We’re all out of college, and by the looks of it you’d barely’ve started if you went. Kid.”

The pair lock into a staredown, with Airael betraying no emotion in his eyes, while Cato’s are laser focused in to catch anything. Gemini stifles a snicker, and her green eyes light up with amusement as she catches Absinthe’s eye.

Her eyes dart between Cato and Airael, and wiggles her eyebrows with a large grin. Absinthe almost chokes as the laugh tries to escape her mouth, but she holds it back. Gemini and Absinthe try to hold it in, but it’s too much, and they burst into a fit of giggles and laughter, causing Airael and Cato to stop whatever they were doing.

“What’s so funny?” Cato asks, hands gripping the neck of the guitar. 

Airael whips his head around to Virtue. “What did she do?” He asks with wide eyes. “What the fuck did she do?”

Virtue looks at Gemini, who tilts her head forwards and does an overexaggerated wink, causing Absinthe to break down with laughter. Virtue sighs, and pats Cato’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. They’re like this sometimes.”

They look back to see Airael now leaning over the drums and talking to Gemini, who’s grin has gotten larger as she shakes her head. Absinthe is leaning on a wall, trying to catch her breath, but sometimes still releasing a few giggles. They sigh again, bring their thumb and pointer finger to their mouth, and whistle. The band jump at the sudden noise. Airael clutches his bass, Gemini holds her drumsticks in an ‘X’ in front of her, and Absinthe takes an absurd looking fighting stance. Cato takes a step back.

“Get to practicing. We don’t have all day.” Virtue says, and they make direct eye contact with each band member. “And we certainly don’t have our guest here all day either.”

With that, Absinthe jumps into action. She double checks that Airael and Gemini are all good to go, and makes sure that the guitar Cato’s borrowing is in tune and works fine. Once everyone is set to go, she connects the microphone and takes out the piece of paper that has the practice “schedule” on it.

“Uh, it says we’re practicing ‘Truth or Dare’, ‘No Regrets’, and ‘Sandcastles’ today. Why does it say ‘Sandcastles’ in there, that’s a piano solo.” She looks back at Airael. “Rae, you wrote the list.”

Airael shrugs. “I thought that having your best song for our guitarist would be a good idea.”

Cato mutters something about not being a guitarist while Absinthe looks at the scribbles with narrowed eyes. Then she crumples up the paper and throws it at the table. “Okay, we can do that. But let’s start with a quick runthrough of ‘No Regrets’. We didn’t play that at the last venue, so I want to see what needs some work.”

Cato flips through the stack of papers, and his eyes flick over each page with the same sort of focus he gave Airael. Then he runs forwards, drops them on the table, and runs back into place.

Gemini raps the beat with her drumsticks, and then she and Airael jump into a hard and fast rhythm. She leans forwards into the microphone set up over her drums, and screams.

“OH MY GOD THIS REALLY FUCKING SUCKS! I STILL LOVE YOUR STUPID FUCKING MUG! GOT HIT BY A FUCKING TRUCK! AND YOU’RE HERE STILL GIVING FUCKING FUCKS!” Her voice is guttural and animalistic as her hands move wildly across the drumset. She holds the last vowel as the bass and drums stop and the sound drops away.

She closes the word harshly, and restarts her playing; albeit, more restrained. Airael joins in at the same time, playing the low and slow baseline as Cato takes a deep breath, and starts playing with everyone for the first time. 

He plays incredibly well, and although the melody he plays on the guitar is different from what Michael played, it still fits well with everything else. But Virtue already knew that Cato was good, they knew that he would fit in with the band sonically. They’re waiting for Absinthe to sing.

Absinthe looks at Virtue, and nods. She rolls her shoulders back, stands tall, and opens her mouth.

“I cried alone again today.” Her voice is the winter sun cutting through the abyssal surrounding darkness. “It’s hard to heal this heartbreak. I’d rather have loved you here, but you decided to disappear.”

The weight of grieving a love and friendship suddenly lost shoves its way into Virtue’s chest as the words lilt off Absinthe’s tongue. Cato jolts, but doesn’t stop playing as he moves his eyes to look at the singer.

“Hey, it’s me, it’s about us. You said we’re still in love. And I cry curled in my bed, about the last text you sent. Who could have guessed that this is how our story ends?” Even through the waves of heartbreak and sadness, Absinthe smiles as she lowers the microphone. Gemini and Airael play their parts with the anger they’ve always infused them with, and Cato moves his fingers across the frets. He plays a dissonant melody, counteracting the smooth major that Absinthe had been singing. Absinthe’s grin gets larger.

As they continue through the song, it’s a constant fight of three emotions. Anger, from Gemini and Airael, grief, from Absinthe, and desperate confusion from Cato. The sound gets louder and louder, everyone fighting more and more, until Cato suddenly strikes a power chord, and the drums and bass stop. Airael and Gemini are looking at Cato with curiosity as Absinthe brings the mic to her lips one last time.

“I hold no regrets.” She sings lightly. “You were my best friend. But this is the end.”

There’s a still, anticipating moment. The air holds its breath as the last of the grief fades into acceptance, and fades into nothing. Absinthe breaks the silence with a ragged gasp, and she rubs at her eyes for a moment before looking at Cato.

“Are you sure you don’t want to be our guitarist?” Her voice is no longer crystalline, but instead thick and heavy. Her fingers pick at the edge of her skirt and the jeans beneath it. 

Cato takes a moment. He looks at Gemini, then Airael, then to his own hands holding a guitar that isn’t his own. “I- uh.” He stammers, and clutches the guitar tightly. “I, I think so.”

A shuddering weight is released from Absinthe. She grins, nods, and turns to the rest of her bandmates. “Cool! So I think we did really good at the first few verses, but at the second chorus we accidentally got a little lost in the middle of everything and it took some time to get back, so let’s start around there.”

Virtue huffs a laugh and shakes their head. They knew, of course, that Cato would say yes. Absinthe is the golden apple just out of reach, the clear water you’ll never drink, but just knowing it exists is enough to sate an appetite.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Some Game HC's I have about Riddler:

BTAS Riddler loves playing DnD both as a player (always a caster) and as the DM. He is a game developer in the 90's so you bet your ass he was the fliperama kid. Everyday he went to the local game station (and later started exploring and looking for different ones all across Gotham) with only one coin. He played once against a player in a winning streak beting coins and he always won and would accept bets from challengers. He was abble to play all day with only one coin because he never lost a bet.

Gotham Riddler is another DnD nerd and a gamer. But I think he had more money growing up than BTAS Riddler and actually played games in a gameboy. He got a summer job so he could buy more games than Mario and Pokemon. Also I'm sorry but Gotham Riddler never played DnD, that man was born to be a DM and is likely the one DM that didn't became one because it's harder to find a DM than a party so you DM once and now that's your fate.

Arkham Riddler plays Magic The Gathering. He also plays DnD and he is the insufurable player that goes out of the way to create the most OP characthers completly full of combos and makes everything boring for everyone else because he slays too hard. He is insuferable playing Magic as well but at least he is being insuferable against his adversaries. He lost his original deck after being arrested the first time and somehow it ended on young Barbara Gordon's hands. The small time period were pre teen Barbara was the biggest Magic nerd and forced a confused Jim to play was probably the worst thing Riddler ever did to comissioner Gordon and that includes killing his co-workers and friends. Later Barbara went to play it with Jason and Tim (who she isn't dating cause ew), Bernard joined at some point.

The last DnD player is Unburied Riddler who is the opposite to Arkham: he always plays as a bard and he is the biggest follower of the rule of cool/the wonders of RP ever. He knows the rule book upside down but he never really followed the rules, he just sweet talks the DM and the tabble into letting him role for his insane plans to the point that after he basically forced Barbara and Bruce to play with him (Barbara asked Montoya to DM) no one on the tabble even knew what bardic inspiration actually did until Alfred heard them playing and as a closeted DnD nerd got incrisingly distressed by Eddie's "gameplay style". Since then Montoya joined the tabble as a paladim and Alfred is the DM. Instead of analysing what to pick to upgrade his characther Eddie spends all the time trying to find ways to sweet talk Alfred (the hardest DM to bullshit ever) into letting him do his thing. Right now his best trick is to make Bruce either join or get excited for the result because Alfred has a soft spot for his son Master Bruce.

Zero Year Riddler for all his cool persona is a nerd and not only he colects all different editions of War (yes the boardgame, the ancient Greece one is his favorite) but he plays competitive Pokemon (both online and the card game). While he is a good Pokemon player he did lose to an incredible good 12yo and he cried a whole day before trying to extract revenge. Unfortunaly for Ed the kid was from Metropolis and there was a change, small as it was, that Superman could get involved and Eddie isn't really one to get his ass beat by Superman.

Still on the card games BTAA Riddler plays Yu-Gi-Oh. He somehow understands the rules and is good on it. Miss Tuesday used to make fun of him for it until Autum acidentaly introduced her to Bakugan. If you play Bakugan you can't make fun of other people's card game choices. BTAA Riddler also plays Pokemon Go, he started because he thought it was hip and cool (he isn't even that old, he is like 30 but he just wants to be cool with the teens that badly already) and kept going because he really likes to take random pictures of pokemon on normal day things, he also loves shinny hunting. He does it on the actual game as well. He never actually played the whole Pokemon story, he just shinny hunts a lot and stops playing after he catched enough cool shinnies. He has some of the first one to capture the shinng videos and a shinny hunting secret twitter.

[Not a Riddler one but BTAS Joker also plays Yu-Gi-Oh because one has to be mad to understand all the different invocation rules (I say that as a former Yu-Gi-Oh nerd). Harley also plays Yu-Gi-Oh on BTAS but she downplays her talents to let Joker win when she is actually insanely good at it.]

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

WOOOO!! Congrats on the 6,000!!!! 🥳🙌✨ I’m so happy for youuuuu~!!

Fandom I’d like to be shipped in: Baldur’s Gate 3 please 🙏

Gender I’d like to be shipped with: Any

Description of my personality:

Word I would use to describe myself: creative. Word others might use to describe me: friendly (alternatively: dramatic). I love people, but sometimes I get exhausted and need some alone time after interactions. Except with kiddos—I could play make-believe and be asked 9million questions by all the children all day and still be good to go on all the adventures. I have strong emotions but sometimes I get stuck in a dissociative state and have trouble expressing things—it takes some grounding for me to stay present. Music is my first love, but I’m studying to be a medical herbalist at the moment. Being outside exploring and foraging soothes me just as much as curling up inside on a rainy day with a good book and a cup of herbal tea. I tend to roam and don’t like to close myself off to different experiences, but at the same time I crave a safe place to call home, and I endeavor to make that place a safe haven for all who enter.

Who I would ship you with and why:

Okay, I kept going back and forth in my bed for your ship, so I’m picking two! 🤗

1. Astarion. Because I feel like you would get on like bread ‘n’ butter. Both respecting each others’ space but also being there for each other too when needed. You’d have a relationship based on deep understanding and mutual respect—you get each other. And neither of you judge the other for what you feel or the boundaries you both might have. Also, with his love for reading he’s definitely going to encourage you to finish writing your books so he can read them. Also, picture this: you writing away, Astarion’s head resting in your lap—every now and then you pause in your writing, absentmindedly running your fingers through Astarion’s soft curls as you think about what to put on the page next. You swear you hear Astarion purr like a cat. You look down at him and he’s the picture of pure contentment: eyes closed, body relaxed, face blissfully serene. He might not be moving from your lap for a while, but you don’t mind. You go back to writing, a sense of renewal I washes through mind as you feel the comforting weight of his body against yours.

2. Gale. Because I know you both are going to infodump on each other—and you both absolutely adore when the other is off on another tangent about something they’re passionate about. Gale feels utterly cherished when you listen him talk about the things near and dear to him. He’s never really had anyone listen to him as attentively as you do. He usually finds people are prone switching off and zoning out so he’ll cut himself off. But not with you. The look of genuine interest you give him, and the questions you ask never fail to warm his heart and spur his enthusiasm on. He is more than willing and happy to return the favor for you and finds himself more captivated by you with every word that passes through your lips. He also completely understands what he’s like to be lost in one’s own head. So he has no qualms about you needing alone time. Also it doesn’t hurt that Tara absolutely adores you—she even lets you rub her belly and she doesn’t even let Gale do that.

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P.S. I’m waaay more active on my side blog @i-cast-bardic-inspiration but I can’t send asks from there…I didn’t know side blogs couldn’t send asks until after I established mine :’) so anyway, if I reblog or respond from that one, just know—it meeeee~! ✨

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P.P.S. Congratulations again—you deserve all the best!! Because you are:

✨ T h e B e s t ✨

I ship you with Wyll

You two strike the perfect balance of wanting the same things out of life while also being different enough to keep things interesting.

Wyll wants to help people, first and foremost, but at the same time, wants a home he can call his own. With you, he can have both.

You two could have so many adventures together. He would be enraptured by your knowledge of nature and how you use it to help cure others. He'd want to show you everything, telling tales of his own travels and promising to take your there to see them for yourself.

At the same time, knowing he can build a home with you is everything to him. He would love nothing more than to be able to curl up with you after a long day and drink tea. He will dance with you in the kitchen, humming a song into your ears. Just imagine the two of you playing with a bunch of kiddos. You're everyone's favorite baby sitters!

It's the place the pair of you can retreat to when it gets to be too much. He knows it's sometimes difficult for you to experience all the emotions you feel as deeply as you do. He'll be more than patient, allowing you to work through them rather than force you to pretend they don't exist. It's one of the things he loves about you.

In conclusion, let this prince charming sweep you off your feet. He is begging to!

I'm weeping. I love them both so much. Thank you! This is a polycule I can get behind.

6k Follower Celebration (requests are still open)

(4/30)

[sonneillonv]

D&D Frustrations. I hate it when my characters are typecast.

In the Tuesday D&D game I'm currently playing in (run by the owner of the shop where I run a Heroes of Dragonsgate game on Sundays) I started out playing Tyrian, a blind cleric dedicated to a god/dess of love and beauty who functions as sort of a sacred prostitute/intimate healer. But opportunities to exercise that philosophy weren't abundant and it turned out the group, which was composed primarily of secondary healers, didn't need a primary healer. So I switched to Za'elindiel, Z for short - a Lore Bard.

Z is a tiefling born to a succubus, raised in a family of Incubi/Succubi in Azzagrat. He's not native to the material plane; he's native to the Abyssal layer of Rauwend where his huge extended family (I headcanon Concubi living in rather massive and complex polycules they refer to as 'covens' and raising their children communally) pursues a wuxia-inspired courtier tradition. Z practices martial arts, swordsmanship, music, archery, calligraphy, and other pursuits necessary to be considered a 'gentleman' in Azzagrat's society. He joined the 116th Ebon Legion and was trained as an intelligence agent. He adventures on the material plane as a cover for intel-gathering, sabotage, and other tradecraft.

Z has spent most of his life dealing with the stereotypes people have about incubi. He's well aware he's expected to seduce everything that moves, which is something he patently has no desire to do. Tyrian was sexually liberal, open, and happy to spread compassion and tenderness and free love across the 'verse. Tyrian passionately believes that people improve when they receive external love and support, so providing that love and support brightens the world. Tyrian thinks every person in the world, even those who seem the most wicked, has something in them worth loving.

Z is not Tyrian.

Z doesn't have the same philosophy, doesn't like people touching him, and REALLY does not like people assuming he's anyone's whore. His Guqin, which is his primary bardic instrument, is literally named 凤仙花 / Fèngxiān Huā - "Touch-Me-Not". His sword is named 抵制 / Dǐ Zhì, "Refusal". He really could not be clearer about how disinterested he is in the 'free love' movement. He and Tyrian are good friends who stay up all night drinking, playing strategy games, and debating the nature of good, evil, and samsara together. They disagree about a great deal, but they respect each other.

My DM is under the impression I'm still playing Tyrian. He's repeatedly made references to Z's perceived sexual availability and recently had him be 'chosen' by the same god/dess of love that Tyrian serves. Z is now carrying around artifacts dedicated to that god/dess, and because he doesn't actually serve that deity, he's living in constant low-grade fear of being smote to ashes for blasphemy, because the god/dess is a good-aligned deity and he is a neutral evil demon.

His stop-gap, currently, is a vow made to that god/dess in prayer that he will ONLY use the artifacts to try to survive the dungeon where he found them. Once he's no longer in a constant life-or-death situation, he will deliver the artifacts to Tyrian's sect so they can be in the hands of true believers. For this service, he hopes the god/dess will forgive him for briefly taking advantage of their powerful magic and NOT, y'know, raze his soul to the ground.

And I'm just picturing the session where he actually does that, and my DM is baffled that anyone would surrender such powerful magic items, and I have to remind him, AGAIN, that

Z.

is.

not.

TYRIAN.

[asimovsideburns]

Hello! I saw this earlier but wasn’t able to submit my answer until now, but I think I’ve got you beaten—I went for a Strength (Athletics) check instead of persuasion, and I’ve factored in some allies (which I assume is allowed since you added bardic?)

Here’s a picture of where I worked out the math, but I’ll write it all out below, it’s a little hard to read

20 on the die

+3 from a wild magic barbarian’s bolstering magic (d3, specified because it’s the only d3 here)

+12 from a level 20 bardic inspiration

+4 from a peace cleric’s emboldening bond

+6 from a stars druid’s cosmic omen (weal version)

+4 from a wild magic sorcerer’s bend luck

+4 from a warlock’s talisman (pact boon)

+4 from guidance

+4 from the ceremony spell (coming of age effect)

+6 from proficiency (level 20 character)

+6 again from expertise (which we’ll get from our class levels)

+10 from peerless skill as a level 14 lore bard

+8 from the grappling strike maneuver as a level 3 battlemaster fighter

+6 from psi-boosted knack as a level 3 soulknife rogue

That brings us to 97 before adding ability modifiers, modifier-dependent abilities, racial traits, or magic items

As a Reborn lineage, we can add +6 from our knowledge from a past life feature (before adding any other modifiers, based on the “immediately after seeing the roll” wording) for a total of 103, but we can do better

As a Dhampir lineage, we can add the piercing damage from a bite attack we made before this check to the check’s total—which brings us to 4+con modifier

But that piercing damage also benefits from spells, so let’s have someone cast enlarge person on us for +4 more, and magic weapon upcast to give us a flat +3 (no rolling dice, and our vampiric bite DOES count as a weapon!)

So that’s 97 + 4 + 4 + 3 + con modifier, which puts us at 108 + our con modifier

Then we have to add our strength modifier, of course, since it’s an ability check

Then we have our artificer friend use flash of genius, and of course we’ll be wearing some Armor of Magical Strength they infused for us, allowing us to add our own intelligence modifier to our strength checks by expending a charge

Totaling: 108 + str + con + int + artificer’s int

I don’t think there’s any feats that will give us dice or flat numbers instead of advantage, and I didn’t go through all the magic items, but the “Manual of” items allow you to go above 20, and the belt of Storm Giant Strength sets your strength to 29, so our theoretical maximums are +9 strength, +6 con, +6 int (from our artificer buddy), and maybe we grab a circlet of intellect for +4 int ourselves if we have less than a 19. If we dumped strength and bumped int, counting on that belt, we could even have a +5

If we did, then our total is:

108 + 9 + 6 + 5 + 6 = 134

But the magic item math with specific numbers is off the cuff, I hadn’t added all that up before I started writing this

EDIT: actually I think if you drop lore bard and take your expertise from soulknife you could probably do fiendlock 6/soulknife 11/battlemaster 3 and get 10+10+8 for 28 instead of 10+6+8 for 24 but I don’t remember if that makes something else not work

d&d challenge for free homebrew!!

howdy yall :o)

so i came up with a silly little challenge ... as much as i love indie ttrpgs, i do still love and play a lot of d&d too so i wanted to do something fun with d&d mechanics

if you can answer my riddles three (this one question) you can choose any homebrew i've done and get a free download key for it!!

the question:

According To My Calculations, the highest possible skill check in d&d 5e would come out to a 68 ... all highest numbers on the dice, with max modifier and buffs. how do you get to that number?

anyone who can get it right (or correct me with a higher number and explain how they got it!!) before i publish the answer can choose a homebrew to download!!

[wolf-and-bard]

Bad Reputation

Part 2 I Part 3 I Part 4

Jaskier/Eskel, ~1.3k, rated T, no warnings

Written for @thewitcherbog fic train event together with @kueble, @professorjaskier, and @softdarlingjaskier so be on the lookout for their parts in the next few days. It was so much fun!! 😊💕

---

“Ta-da,” Jaskier says with a flourish of his hand, and gestures at the dress-form he has set up in the middle of the living area of his rooms at Oxenfurt, all furniture pushed to the side. The mannequin is clad in a positively stunning arrangement, an unpretentious doublet of deep burgundy with subtly golden ribbons at the cuffs and seams, a matching pair of cotton breeches. Underneath, an almost-black silken shirt. It’s plain for Jaskier’s tastes and habits, but it’s perfect for its recipient whose suspicious gaze is currently flicking between Jaskier and the clothes. 

“What is that?” Eskel asks, arms crossed loosely over his chest. He’s wearing his typical red-and-dark stripe with those small spikes on the shoulders that Jaskier thinks are honestly ridiculous. Not big enough to work as any form of weaponry or defense mechanism, too dismissable to count as a fashion statement. Yeah, right. Wolves and fashion. Ridiculous.

Jaskier snorts and watches Eskel watch the dress-form, wary and uncomprehending to a point that is just adorable. 

“That, my dear witcher, is an outfit. Your outfit to be precise. That is to say, the outfit you will wear tonight.” Jaskier puts on his brightest sunlight-smile, hoping it will cover up the awkwardness he can feel tightening his throat. This could have started better. But then again, this could have started so much worse. Eskel could already be out the door what with him just having arrived, swords still strapped to his back, one hand fisted around the plain linen sack he keeps most of his belongings in. 

“Do I look like Geralt to you?” Eskel asks, brow raised which contorts the landscape of scars that cover half his face, stretching them out. Jaskier’s fingers itch to reach out and trace them, they always do whenever Eskel graces him with a visit to his apartment.

It’s about the only place they ever cross paths. With Geralt, Jaskier is bound to stumble into him in the most ridiculous of places and predicaments, as though Destiny wills it so. With Eskel… well. Jaskier learned early on in their acquaintance that finding Eskel anywhere takes effort, so it’s easier to have Eskel find him. The wolf sticks to himself almost all year round, avoids big cities and gets by on mysterious, long-winded contracts that take him to places most of the rest of the world has forgotten about. Jaskier has never once accompanied Eskel on one of his hunts, and that is perhaps why he often feels that a certain distance remains between them, no matter how often Eskel comes around.

And Eskel does, with striking regularity. At least once, whenever Jaskier’s staying in Oxenfurt for longer than a handful of days. He’ll always bring something too; a fine Toussaint vintage for them to share, a hearty piece of salt-crystal cheese for them to put on their bread, some pickled fish straight from the Skellige Isles. It isn’t always edible or drinkable, sometimes it’s useful like a pretty button or a new set of lute strings. There is no rhyme or reason to Eskel’s little gifts, just one thing that threads through them, and it is that every time, they take Jaskier by surprise. Eskel is so very reliable and Jaskier’s brain still hesitates to form expectations. Expectations can get crushed and he has already invested more heart into this relationship than is strictly healthy.

“Jaskier?” Eskel asks into the silence which has speeded by for Jaskier with his mind reminiscing, but which must have dragged excessively for the witcher. To Eskel’s credit, he doesn’t show the slightest twitch of impatience. 

“Of course you don’t,” Jaskier says, shuddering inwardly. Outwardly, his smile freezes over.

You look nothing like Geralt, he doesn’t say though he knows that with taking away the scars and dyeing Geralt’s hair, they would look strikingly similar. There are no pictures of Eskel before, but it didn’t even need Vesemir telling Jaskier this for the bard to notice. They have the same cut of jawline, same set of their shoulders, a similar nose. But that’s artificial and if one looks closely, the similarities start to fall away pretty quickly.

You look much more beautiful than him – sorry Geralt, but it’s true, is what Jaskier also doesn’t say even though his rapidly beating heart keeps commanding him to.

“Then why would I wear this? What for?”

“Oh nothing special, just a wee little occasion, really.”

“Jaskier…”

“A-hem, right. The school-board is throwing a fancy dinner party tonight and I have been invited as a guest. I thought you might want to join me… be my partner if you will.”

Oh, but that feels daring. That feels very daring. 

Eskel cocks his head, golden eyes boring into Jaskier’s. Jaskier feels his cheeks heat and licks his lips. 

“Can’t I go the way I am?” the witcher asks finally. 

“Ah, well,” Jaskier says and swallows. “Well, you see… there’s nothing wrong with the way you are, necessarily, but… it’s, well. They are very important people and I have a certain standing within the university. A reputation to maintain, if you will.”

“You?” Eskel raises a brow. “A reputation to maintain?”

A reputation other than drinking and whoring around, is what Eskel doesn’t say, but it is heavily implied and not even in a condescending manner. Eskel knows Jaskier the flamboyant bard, Jaskier the man with an eye for a good party, Jaskier that will drag any conquest into his bed regardless of whether there’s a witcher crashing in his guest bedroom or not. And even though Eskel’s been visiting him in Oxenfurt, in his rooms at the heart of the academy, Professor Pankratz is a complete stranger to both Eskel and Geralt. They know of him, of course, but they don’t know him.

“Yes, me,” Jaskier says. “A Professor at this university and highly valued member of several poet’s societies and bardic unions.”

“Trust a fucking academic to demand I dress up for him.”

“Didn’t I tell you not to trust anyone around here?” Jaskier retorts in what he hopes is a light note, but something has settled in the pit of his stomach at Eskel’s words, even though they were meant in jest. If this was Geralt, there would have been a deeper meaning woven into the words. In this regard too, Eskel is very different from Geralt in the manner in which he deals out his faith. He was wary when they first met at Kaer Morhen, of course; careful. But one night under the tightly-woven tapestry of constellations above the keep together, watching from the battlements while the temperature still allowed it, and Eskel turned from cool indifference to a low simmer of secretive smiles and sidelong glances. Jaskier can’t help but wonder if - for all of Eskel’s straightforwardness - there is still a hidden fuse he’s about to light up like a damn wildfire one day.

“I thought you were the exception,” Eskel grumbles and sighs deeply. Still eyeing the doublet wearily, the wolf witcher begins to pace around it, circling it as though it is a ghoul about to jump him and not his dress for the night. It would have been quite funny too, if it didn’t make Jaskier ponder so much. He doesn’t like pondering, not before an evening of events. He isn’t here to think, which would lead to dissecting, which would lead to inspiration and doubt at the same time. Jaskier has many doubts, especially when the handsomely rugged witcher in front of him is involved and he suspects there’s no glazing over them now, not when big words such as trust have been thrown this carelessly into the room. 

“I hoped I would be,” Jaskier admits begrudgingly and carves out another smile, if dampened. “Will you come along then? It would mean the world to me.”

[masculinepeacock]

okay this is for @gendermybeloved's, it's inspired by their ted lasso dnd au. this is otherwise known as sam Flirts With His Friends:

okay first of all sam being a college of swords bard/fighter is perfect, i love him so much. he gets to show off his natural charisma/charm and i love that for him

okay but anyway the point of this post is sam flirts with his friends. in my mind i was picturing sam as a tiefling as soon as i read his classes, so now i'm picturing a tiefling wearing flashy jewelry and fine clothes but none of it inhibits his fighting ability, in fact it makes him look Even Cooler (everyone is immediately in love with him)

sam the tiefling hitting on pact of the fiend gnome played by jan is just too very chaotic characters taking the piss out of each other, and everyone loves to watch them on his each other and just laugh about it. not really Serious in game, or out. neither one becomes very flustered when it happens

i like to think the first time sam turns the charm on the rest of them though (except for roy), they all becomes very flustered by his Obisanya Charm.

sam is SO good with colin's pseudodragon and colin is like oh no. he's good with kids. this is a Problem, and the first time sam gives him bardic inspiration with a salacious wink he immediately starts questioning what it all means. doesn't really mean anything in game but this is the first time colin has everyone seen sam really "turn on the charm" and is genuinely conflicted about his feelings about this

isaac's fighter and sam's fighter quickly become good friends, even if they are pretty different as far as styles go. flirt with each other in a purely joking manner, doesn't mean anything in game and isaac has seen sam hit on people before so he's not really Shocked by it, but he gets a lot of enjoyment from watching colin get flustered by sam. winks back whenever sam winks at him, and every time sam says "that's not how this works!"

JAMIE AND SAM! i think the flirting starts out with jamie being very confused about it, but eventually he learns, as he becomes a druid, how to be open to the idea of a pc/pc romance and eventually he starts flirting back, one of the only ones to truly Fluster sam because he just wasn't expecting the flirting back. flirting means something In Game but not outside of game

dani. dani. cleric/fighter relationships my BELOVED. their flirting is so natural and they're both so charismatic that they use it to their advantage with npcs for SURE, sam always providing a distraction to dani's shenanigans. their flirting is so natural because they do it out of game often enough 👀 dnd is how these richmond players learn they're dating

essentually: no one is safe. sam is flirting with all his friends.

[ethereal-ineffability]

HELL YEAH, DUDE! INFO DUMP ABOUT YOUR OC, OR SO HELP ME!

eyyyyyyyyy. CW for discussion of violent fictional bigots leading to body image issues. Okay so here's the thing. My boy Curio a sweet, kind of shy, well-meaning, socially awkward 28-year-old wizard. Tallish, no muscles whatsoever, big round glasses, kind of stupid facial hair, your standard stereotype.

Except that's not what he looks like, really.

That image is missing a Hat of Disguise (grey irish flat-cap), which he wears constantly, even while sleeping unless he can be sure he's alone. His full first name is Curiosity and what he actually looks like is somewhere around these two pictures, except with broken horns and a helluva lot more faded-over-2-decades facial scarring.

That childhood scarring is the reason why he literally never takes the hat off, no matter what; not because of the scarring itself, but because of what it represents. He grew up with so much baggage attached to his identity as a tiefling because, apart from a very supportive but imperfect and over-her-head single human mother, he had no support network in a small town where he was the only tiefling and almost-if-not-all of the entire town were superstitious humans who were very not interested in examining their biases. The children his age and a few years older were the ones who gave him most of that damage. But there's a reason his mother named him Curiosity; ever since he was old enough to explore, he did so enthusiastically and constantly, and after enough of that (and playing mostly alone) he developed skills that other kids his age didn't have, and he essentially became a gifted child. His mom took advantage of that (and some favors with an old friend) when the bullying got especially bad and got Curio scholarships to send him away to a mage's college in a more open-minded area where he would be protected and taken care of, in exchange for helping with tasks around the college until he was old enough to become an official student. The college became his life. He threw himself into the study of everything having to do with magic - history, mechanics, culture, ethics, etc. - partly as distraction, partly as hyperfixation (I do imagine he's neurodivergent in some way), and partly, subconsciously, as a desperate way to grasp at some sort of explanation for why he exists the way that he does and why the world around him is the way that it is. The enchanted hat was something he got at some point during his time at the college, and it essentially became a comfort item for him, and even though he probably could have gotten by without it with *less* problems than he had in his hometown, he just refused to go without it for years after the fact both out of fear of what could happen again and out of what had become, at that point, a deeply ingrained sense that he was just *wrong* and that he needed to hide himself to avoid burdening others. And all of that is just background for his situation in the current campaign, as a 7th-level wizard who has been traveling with a southern sweetheart druid satyr, a young-looking and mysterious dreamfolk warlock, a puss-in-boots-esque tabaxi fighter, a sweet grandmotherly minotaur barbarian, and a tiefling sorcerer in his late 40's who has a lot of backstory commonalities with Curio, particularly being raised by a single mother, having bad experiences as a kid due to his fiendish heritage, leaving home young, and hiding his appearance when he was younger. (Side note, the sorcerer's player and I *did not plan this*. We both came up with backstories independently, we didn't really have a session 0, and we just now found out how weirdly similar our characters' lives have been, though there's obviously been some differences too.) I started out this campaign by letting all the players know openly that Curio was not human, because I knew I couldn't keep a secret. In the 9 months we've been playing (we had a hiatus for a few, so it's more like 6-7 months of weekly to bi-weekly sessions), the character that's come the closest to figuring it out has been the sorcerer, Turavel, because he has obvious advantages when it comes to picking out which things just don't seem right for a human wizard to do. For example, on top of the weirdness of Curio never taking the hat off, sleeping alone often, bathing alone often, etc., he barely (roll of 15 vs 14) caught Curio tearing up when Turavel was talking about where he came from, and he thought it was weird that Curio could cast things like Hellish Rebuke. (The player, actually, was the only one of us to call this out when it happened, so I made note of it.) At the time (months ago irl, about 2-4 weeks ago in game time), I as the player didn't think Curio's cover had been blown, because I was convinced that Wizards could cast Hellish Rebuke, and I

even informed the player that Curio has fake entries in his spellbook for Hellish Rebuke, Thaumaturgy, and Darkness, just in case anyone ever saw it who also saw him cast those things. But I discovered today while searching for level-up spells for him that I was wrong. As soon as I realized, I sent Turavel's player these messages:

"Looking through wizard-only spells and realized that I as the player made ANOTHER mistake, specifically about which spells would be natural to see a wizard use, which means Curio made another mistake because I'm not retconning anything I said about what he's done. Whoopsie Since you actually called it out at the time (not the latest nat 1, the one time Curio used it before that) I'll be clear with you: Hellish Rebuke is a 2nd level, Warlock-only spell. Curio has the Magic Initiate feat, which might explain why he knows Thaumaturgy which is a cleric-only spell, since his 1st level spell for that feat is Healing Word which is exclusive to clerics, bards, and druids... but if that were the case that wouldn't explain why he can also use Vicious Mockery, which only works with bardic magic. He would have had to have learned Healing Word in a bardic way, leaving Thaumaturgy unaccounted for, unless there's just some explanation other than fiendish heritage or magic initiate that Turavel has literally never heard of before. Maybe there's a bardic college that would allow for the learning of Thaumaturgy? Unlikely. In that case Hellish Rebuke would still be unaccounted for, unless Curio has a secret patron and is a multiclassed warlock/wizard. Occam's razor. And since Turavel's the only one who asked to see his spellbook [in return, after Curio asked to see the spellbooks of all the other spellcasters], help me remember and I'll let you contest me on arcana with advantage to put all this together when we meet next."

And that's where we are. Curio's about to get fully found out because of overthinking and overprotecting himself in ways that weren't necessary, after just casually and confidently trading spellbooks - for strategic study - with the one person in the party who was always leagues more likely than anyone else to figure out what was going on. The same sorcerer who is old enough to be Curio's father and knows almost *exactly* what he's going through, and who Curio would probably be the most ashamed to be found out by, because he would probably be worried that his disguising of his tiefling nature would be interpreted as an insult even though Curio has terrible anxiety about the whole thing and literally can't help it. And I just think it's extra fun that the reason this is happening so soon is because of decisions I made intentionally as a player to make it *harder* to find him out, while truly thinking about what he would actually do. And I swear to god if that roll at advantage doesn't work I'm giving him all the inspiration I've got, because this is too good. I'm excited for the ensuing cathartic drama and for this precious boy to finally start learning how to love himself. p.s. in case any readers haven't picked up by now it's a closeted-trans-youth meets open-trans-elder allegory. This is what happens when you play DnD with other trans people

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #27: Ushiwakamaru

(I know this isn’t one of Ushi’s normal cards, but this is the only picture of her that isn’t 70% naked so I’m doing what I have to.)

Welcome back to Fate and Phantasms! Today we’re building Skadi’s favorite commander, Ushiwakamaru. As you’d expect given her claim to fame is jumping really well, Ushi is mostly a monk, specifically a drunken master for just that little extra movement. She also has six noble phantasms though, and in order to encompass that many abilities in only 20 levels we have to turn to D&D’s perennial jack of all trades, the bard.

As usual, a spreadsheet for the build can be found here, and there’s a level-by-level breakdown below the cut!

Race and Background

You were raised by Tengu, but you’re still a Human, meaning you get +1 in all stats. You’re a soldier, but Dan-no-ura involves hopping over boats, so we’re going with the Marine background for its proficiency with water vehicles. You also get proficiencies in Athletics and Survival. Jumping around is usually more of a acrobatics check, but you’ll need sea legs too. Also: you were abandoned at birth, so learning how to live on your own is advisable.

Stats

Go for Dexterity first. Jumping is strength based, but every other aspect of this skill is your style. Second is Wisdom. You’re not really that good at reading the room, but you were raised by birds, and we need this to be kind of high for multiclassing. After that is Strength. Again, jumping is strength based, so we want this to be passable. Fourth is Charisma. Your people skills are actually pretty bad, but we also need this for multiclassing. Fifth is Constitution. You’re a lightweight with alcohol, but we really don’t want a negative modifier here. Finally, dump intelligence. You’re not dumb, but your other soft skills are tied up in multiclassing requirements, and with your social skills being what they are it wouldn’t feel right to make all your soft stats good.

Class Levels

1.Monk 1: When you choose monk at first level, you gain proficiency in Acrobatics (that whole jumping thing we’re focusing on), Religion(You were abandoned at a temple), and Dexterity and Strength saves. You also gain Unarmored Defense; which is perfect for you, since you’re not big on clothes, let alone armor; and Martial Arts, letting you use dexterity for unarmed and monk weapon attacks, use a d4 instead of other dice when making those attacks, and you can make an unarmed attack as a bonus action if you attack using your normal action.

2. Monk 2: At second level, you get Ki equal to your monk level, which can currently be used to make two unarmed attacks, dodge, or double your jump distance and disengage/dash as a bonus action. You also gain Unarmored Movement, giving you an extra 10 feet of movement per move action.

3. Monk 3: At third level, you set out on the path of the Drunken Master, which despite the name has very little to do with actually being drunk. Aside from the proficiency with Brewer’s Supplies. You also gain proficiency in Performance, which given your hard-line stance on pranking makes perfect sense. You also also develop your Drunken Technique, giving you a bonus disengage and 10′ when you use flurry of blows. Finally, you gain Deflect Missiles, letting you reduce the damage of ranged weapon attacks and possibly even send them back.

4. Monk 4: Use your first ASI to improve your Charisma and Wisdom. You also learn how to Slow Fall, reducing the amount of falling damage you take. This will be super useful if you, say, fall off a giant snake. Weird example, I know.

5. Monk 5: Fifth level monks get an Extra Attack, which is self-explanatory, but also a Stunning Strike. You can now spend a ki point to force a constitution saving throw when you hit somebody, and they’re stunned on a failure. Also, your martial arts die becomes a d6 this level. Look at you, moving up in the world of murder!

6. Monk 6: Sixth level drunken masters gain two features as part of their Tipsy Sway. You can Leap to your feet, using only 5′ of movement to stand up from prone, and you can Redirect Attacks that miss you using your reaction and 1 ki point. Also at this level, you get another 5 feet of movement.

7. Bard 1: Now lets switch over to your other class for a bit. Being a bard is a little out there, but your NP is literally based on stories of how awesome you are, so it’s not too wild. At first level, you get an extra proficiency in one skill of your choice. Pick up Deception for more elaborate pranks. Also at this level, you get your first taste of Bardic Inspiration, d6 you can hand out to allies to help on most d20 rolls, and Bard Spells. At first level you gain 2 cantrips and 4 1st level spells. Grab True Strike, Longstrider, and Feather Fall to enhance your physical abilities, Minor Illusion and Bane for some trickery, and Thunderwave for a less expansive version of you Hoemaru.

8. Bard 2: Second level bards become a Jack of All Trades, adding half their proficiency to checks that don’t use it (like initiative checks, nudge nudge). You also gain a Song of Rest, adding a d6 to the healing done by your party’s hit dice on short rests. For this level’s Spell, grab Earth Tremor. There isn’t really an explicitly in-character reason for this spell, but it’s more crowd control, so it technically falls under the domain of Jizaiten’s Eye.

9. Bard 3: When you hit your third level of barding, you’ll graduate from the college of swords. When this happens, you gain proficiency with Medium Armor and Scimitars, neither of which work with your monk levels. You also can use weapons you’re proficient with as spellcasting focuses, which is much more useful to you. You also get a Fighting Style, so grab Dueling for extra damage. You gain Expertise, doubling your proficiency in two skills(Deception and Acrobatics are good choices), and finally you get Blade Flourishes. By using your inspiration, you can add that roll to your damage and also either add the roll to your AC, deal that roll’s damage to another nearby creature as well, or push your target by 5′ + the roll and follow them with your reaction. Also, when you attack, you get an extra 10′ of movement for the turn. For your spell this level, grab the flexible Enhance Ability to hype yourself up.

10. Bard 4: Use your next ASI to improve your Charisma for better spells and more flourishes. You also get another cantrip and spell, so grab Thunderclap and Shatter for more sonic damage.

11. Bard 5: At fifth level, your inspiration dice increase to d8s, and you become a Font of Inspiration, regaining your dice on short rests instead of just long ones. For your spell, grab Fear. Again, no real reasoning for it, but it does make enemies run away, so it falls under Jizaiten’s Eye.

12. Bard 6: Sixth level bards get disappointed by Countercharm, letting you spend an action to give your allies advantage against being charmed or frightened. As a sword bard, you also get disappointed by an Extra Attack that doesn’t stack with the one you got at level 5. Grab Enemies Abound to turn any enemy position into a bad one by making them think their allies are their enemies.

13. Monk 7: Back as a monk, you gain Evasion, making your dexterity saves to avoid damage extremely powerful. You also gain a Stillness of Mind, letting you spend an action to end one effect making you charmed or frightened.

14. Monk 8: Eighth level monks get another ASI, but use this one to become a Martial Adept. This feat gives you 1d6 as a superiority die, and two maneuvers. Grab Maneuvering Attack to move allies into better positions and Pushing Attack to move enemies out of them. The saves for these attacks are 8 + your proficiency + your dexterity modifier, and you regain your die on a short rest.

15. Monk 9: At ninth level, you get an Unarmored Movement Improvement, letting you run on water and up walls and giant snakes, as long as you don’t end your turn there. 

16. Monk 10: Finish your monk training with Purity of Body, making you immune to disease and poison. This doesn’t help with primordial seas though, so don’t get too reckless. You also get another 5′ of movement added to your speed, bringing your total bonus movement up to 20′.

17. Bard 7: Back in bard, we get a level where not much happens besides your fourth level spell. Grab Freedom of Movement so you’ll be unaffected by difficult terrain. I’d make an example of the obvious, but that’s getting old by this point.

18. Bard 8: Use your last ASI for more Dexterity, boosting your AC and damage, and then grab Dimension Door for your spell. As long as you don’t tell anyone it’s magic, it’s just a really good jump, right?

19. Bard 9: Ninth level bards get a boost to their song of rest as well as fifth level spells. Grab Legend Lore: the grail gives you information about the world when you materialize, so why wouldn’t you know what this thing you’re holding does?

20. Bard 10: Your capstone level gives you a boost to your bardic inspiration, making it a d10, and you get  two more points of expertise, say Athletics and Survival. Grab Vicious Mockery as another cantrip, and finally say hello to Magical Secrets, two spells from any spell list. Sadly, to fill out the last couple NPs, you’ll have to grab Jump and Shield of Faith. Yes, your capstone ability is two level one spells.

Pros: You are very mobile. While your movement is “only” 50′ on paper, the bonuses you get from your flurry of blows and attacking means you can run circles around most of your enemies. The effects from your spells, maneuvers, and flourishes also let you shove enemies around freely. Also, like most bards you have pretty solid soft skills, especially when you’re lying through your teeth.

Cons: A majority of your bard levels don’t really contribute much to the build, and having to spend 10 levels just to get two level one spells really hurts in the long run. This is especially true since despite having magic, you still don’t have much in the way of ranged attacks to work with outside of vicious mockery. You’re also really fragile for someone running in with a sword, with only about 100 HP to work with.

[theworldbrewery]

multiclass your...  BARD!!

Your bard is a caster, and a damn fine one, with the potential to inspire as a bonus action! Bards are fluid creatures--you might favor dashing swordsmanship, straight-up casting, or focus your talents toward skills. Because of that flexibility, your abilities can mesh well with a variety of classes. Here’s the breakdown:

Tough Sells:

Bard + Barbarian

I know, I know. But at the early levels, your casting-first bard is going to have a tough time if you’re raging. You can still use your Bardic Inspiration and depending on the bard college you chose, you might make this combination work, but it won’t be easy. The Barbarian’s unarmored defense and danger sense are your best assets in this combination.

Bard + Monk

You’re probably at least a little dextrous. If you’ve got the wisdom to pull it off, Monk could be a reasonable choice. But unfortunately, as a Monk, your early-level perks have more to do with melee attacks and less with flexible abilities. If you’re willing to spend time at first level wrestling with the bard and monk abilities, at second level you can use ki points to take certain bonus actions, which could be worth it. But that first level where the bard half and the monk half aren’t talking to each other...that’s hard to live with. It’s sort of like a bad marriage and you’re trying to Make It Work.

Bard + Wizard

Wizards will get you extra spell slots and cantrips, a new selection of spells--and precious little else. Arcane Recovery goes by wizard level, not total level, so there’s no recovering a 5th-level spell slot. Arcane Traditions can make this a useful multiclass, but there are better caster combinations out there, and your bard deserves the best.

Probably Worth It:

Bard + Druid

If you could speak while in Wild Shape beast form, I’d say this is a definite go. But unfortunately, if you wild-shape your bard, you’ve not only hampered your spellcasting, but also your bardic inspiration (which must be heard to be of use). If you’re only taking one level, this is a decent option, though, since you’ll snag extra level-one spell slots and cantrips and unlock new spells. The two bonus spell slots (as opposed to the 1 or 0 you’d gain by taking a new bard level) are a strong opportunity, no doubt.

Bard + Paladin

Like monks, a paladin’s wheelhouse doesn’t really mesh with yours. You won’t get new spell slots until second level, and when you do, the spells you get will mostly be for enhancing your melee attacks. But if that is your game, the paladin’s fighting style and smites could work in your favor. It’s not ideal, but it’s something you can twist to suit your needs pretty well.

Bard + Ranger

This is like a slightly-less-neat version of the Bard+Rogue multiclass further down. If your bard is very skills-oriented, the ranger can offer skills perks in favored terrain and against favored enemies as well as light spellcasting and a fighting style. Given the flexibility of the bard, the ranger’s answer seems to be “why choose one thing to be?” However, this multiclass loses points because you have to be above-average at dexterity AND wisdom just to multiclass.

Bard + Warlock

This could be higher on the list, I’ll admit. But warlocks only get you one first level spell slot at level one and two cantrips. If you play your otherworldly patron cards right, though, the efficacy of your bard can go through the roof. Throw in a pair of eldritch invocations at second level and this multiclass can be a nice change of pace--but it’s not particularly good at improving the things your bard already does, so it’s not quite there.

Go All In:

Bard + Cleric

If you find that your bard gravitates toward healing, consider dipping into Cleric! you’ll get cleric spells like spiritual weapon and cure wounds--and since you’re already a high-level caster, you can cast that heal spell in a higher spell slot! The domain you select should be influenced by your bard--each one will give you a slightly different skill set, so choose wisely--but all could be worth it. For a healing-oriented multiclass, though, choose Life or Grave domain.

Bard + Fighter

True, you’re not the best melee class out there. But if you chose college of Swords or Valor as a bard, you’re probably already boosting Dex or Strength, so you’re not spreading yourself too thin. As a fighter, you’ll gain a fighting style and Second Wind (self-heal) at first level, and if you push it to second, you’ll get that Action Surge. Picture it--you cast Vicious Mockery, you throw out a bonus action healing word or Bardic Inspiration, and then, suddenly, you come out the gate with another action! Whether it’s with sword or spell, this feature is delightful.

Bard + Rogue

Usually this is where I point out sneak attack, but look. You’re not here for sneak attack. You’re here for expertise, thieves’ tools, and a bonus skill proficiency. A bard with good dexterity has all the makings of a rogue with spells as it is, archetype-wise. For you, sneak attack is a bonus if you’re a bard that already does weapon stuff. Don’t get too caught up in it. At second level, it gets better: you’ll get those Cunning Actions--bonus actions that let you hide, disengage, or dash. For a squishy-ish spellcaster, take that and put it to good use.

Bard + Sorcerer

Okay. You’re not going to get any proficiencies from this, but that’s okay, because at first level you’ll get a sorcerous origin and cantrips and two spell slots. Your sorcerous origin offers some really good perks right away. Don’t sleep on that deal. At second level, you get sorcery points that you can convert into spell slots. That’s a big deal. If you push it to third level and choose metamagic options? hot damn! If you like being a strong caster, here’s the multiclass to make you even stronger.

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