#taking it very easy on him physically rn ofc i just. want him to get some movement in yanno

[sweater-equestrian]

very lazy low effort lunge sesh from the both of us today ✌

[dethbug]

OHMYGOSH FOR THE VALENTINES SELF SHIP ASK AND FOR LOFFMAN OFC!,!.!: the ship of all time 😌😌 the ship to ever ever ever

Darling, hugs, love letters, and smitten!!! >:3

HEY YOU. i love you. i would do doodles for this but my energy is looooowwww rn so youll just have to go by my descriptions for rn but i will doodle it later hehe :)

~ darling ; what outfits would you both wear on a date? feel free to show pics!

dates in hoffman's mind are "going to a fancy restaurant" or "going to a fancy dance" OR SOMETHING like he always approached dates as ... "they need to be extravagant/big" -- overtime ive shown him that anything can be considered a date......essentially ive shown him the joys of a nice night in,, with fort making and shitty baking ^_^ SO THAT BEING SAID it really just depends what we end up doing for a date night!!!!

when we get all dressed up for something fancy, he is always sure to match with me (i.e. a burgundy tie to match with my burgundy dress) -- it was a trend that started from our first fancy date and it was completely unexpected,, and seeing how much it made me melt,, he never stopped... it definitely stayed an unspoken thing

"...I like that tie." "I like your dress." (cue the knowing smiles + intense eye contact)

for a simpler night in, we just stay in our pajamas :) i am one to wear one of his shirts + shorts or sweats ,, and hes just a sweats guy. yeah he rocks no shirt , his honkers are out for the world to see. sorry abt that

~ hugs ; are you and f/o affectionate / open about your relationship in public?

yeah. we're annoying as fuck im SORRY. im just the type to always be holding on his arm, or his hand --- and hes the type to always have a hand on the small of my back, or an arm across my shoulders, etc etc

he isnt afraid to kiss in public - THAT CAN MAKE ME RLLY EMBARRASSED AND FLUSTERED THO so its him that initiates the face hold + gentle peck just to see me get all red (he chooses his timing w that tho - he is a trickster. a fool if you will.)

~ love letters ; are they good at expressing how they feel? what’s their best way of letting you know they love you?

it took hoffman some time to express any sort of emotion around me. ever since everything that happened with his sister, and ... how he coped with his grief :( ... he learned how to keep his emotions locked away and buried deep, deep down. hence why us falling in love/getting together at all is such a slow burn - bc he tries to bottle all his emotions away AND we start out ...strongly disliking one another (YA LOFFMAN IS ENEMIES TO LOVERS LMAOOOOO he fell first tho. i can talk abt the timeline of this for hours . i will spare yall for now but pls shoot me an ask if ur curious @ anyone who may be reading this)

but over time ... once he finally is in touch with that side of himself again... him expressing his love is very quiet. he speaks more-so through physical touch + acts of service/gift giving,, as hes never been good with words. but ,, he loves taking care of me. whether thats when im sick, or im overwhelmed, or he just simply wants to because he wants to. (he also loves holding me any chance he gets.....hes a very soft person at heart, not that hed want anyone to truly know that tho hehehh)

~ smitten ; was it easy for the people around you and f/o to figure out you liked each other? did they get involved in you getting together at all?

I THINK THAT GREATLY DEPENDS ON WHO IT IS. i think amanda knew first because ... partially its bc shes my twin and knows me as well as she knows herself , and could see through WHAT I THOUGHT WAS my "hatred" for him (that comes with its own drama tho tbh) -- but on the other side of the coin, i dont think kramer/lawrence were quick to realize it at all

ALL THIS TOOK FOREVER FOR ME TO TRY AND EXPLAIN IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE IM SO SORRY my brain feels fried rn ......

[planetdream]

ran thru ur entire seungmin tag like a freight train and now i'm thinking abt him learning how to be a brat tamer? (ft. chan lol)

say, for example, you're wheeling (toronto slang for talking stage) with seungmin, right? this is a very quiet, observant guy who likes to gather and sort information to satisfy that chronic itch in the back of his brain. he notices things abt ppl he likes- therefore, he notices things about you. your tells; like the way you talk when you're agitated, how you reposition yourself anytime you're flustered or (his personal favourite) the acidic lilt in your voice that makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up- seungmin takes mental note of all of these things and more while he gets to know you.

he concludes that you're a brat at some point once things between you start getting serious. he's read about the trope and watched enough BDSM videos to put two-and-two together. but obviously it's too soon into the relationship to do anything serious abt it. so he defaults to a quiet, stern stare when you get too giddy off teasing him- that seems to do the trick most of the time. he can tell that you like the sudden authoritative reaction. better yet, ~that look~ paired with a very harsh quip of your name and a flick to your thigh will garner the sweetest submissive response from you, and you settle right back down where he can engage with you normally.

seungmin isn't opposed to being a caretaker OR a tamer, he just doesn't really know HOW outside of the little things he does to keep you in line. so he turns to the best role model he knows and watches his hyung carefully- seungmin even falls back on occasion and allows you and his friend to interact with each-other on your own time just to observe and jot down what makes you tick and reel.

eye contact [direct, unwavering, dark]

physical touch [varies on your actions. preferably striking- or, firm and calculated]

name calling [degrading makes you a little sulky, stick to saccharine titles with a condescending tone]

patience + delayed reaction [chan has very little patience and is too eager, that makes you bored and will prolong the attitude]

discipline via punishment [withhold reactions and rewards, let them become incentives]

seungmin catches on quickly, and within a month he's got himself a self-written guidebook on how to make your eyes glaze over with yearning, no trouble. throughout the winding path of your budding relationship, you find yourself leaning into seungmin more based off the little things he does that makes your bratty brain buzz with excitement! for example: he swats your bum when you tease him now. it's fleeting but it makes you squeak and stutter in stride sometimes. you have no idea why it causes you to sink into his side the way you do, but HE knows. additionally, he'll tower over you, hold your gaze and say your name like he's disappointed in you, then lean in and nip at your neck.

gradually you build a dynamic, thanks to his silent testing and your visceral responses, it's an easy system to follow and god is it a pleasure to finally find someone who studies you down to the bone the way he does. coz that's essentially what you want, right? someone who takes the time to figure out how to handle you so the tables can finally flip and you can be the desperate, needy baby you are.

GOD BLESS U AND UR GORGEOUS MIND BBY WOW

idk what i did to deserve you sending me this masterpiece but oh my god—fighting for my life after reading this i want this so bad!!!

its all so so so fitting for seungmin. he’s more of a silent type and pretty analytical so ofc he’s gonna take his time learning about what makes you tick and also about what puts you in your place and has you back to being the sweetest sub he knows you can be. wholeheartedly think he loves it all though—especially the potential challenge of a bratty s/o. its all so new for him, but he tries his best and learns fairly quickly.

actually sobbing rn this is gonna be on my mind forever PLS

[blooming-violets]

I JUST FINISHED SMITTEN AND IM IN LOVE<333 THE ENDING IS SO 😭😭😭😭 idk if you take requests rn but if you do, can you please write a short drabble on how mia and peter's relationship would be like now that they have child? but ofc if you're not comfortable to write it, it's fine!! i was just curious :))

This is not an actual blurb but I rambled for a long time anyway.

You made me go back and reread the epilogue because my memory is so bad that I low key forgot what happened.

I always wanted Mia's story to be kind of tragic. She went through something so horrific that her life was never going to be easy. Even before Peter, she was suffering through serious trauma. People don't bounce back from that with ease. I made sure to mention that she started going to therapy but then quit when she felt judged by their comments. It's unknown if the therapist was actually judging her or simply making an observation but, because of Mia's entire life history and personality, she took it as them looking down on her which made her quit. She hasn't gone back to therapy since then. It's the same thing that happened between her and Patrick's relationship after Peter. She took his comments as a personal judgment and attack to make her feel small and disgusting. So she ran away.

I wanted to make it so she was dealing with everything on her own like she had her whole life. She can't trust people because she thinks they have ulterior motives or hide their true feelings. In her messed up thinking, Peter was the only one who showed her his true self so she knew what to expect. For her story to ever work with Peter, she needed to be incredibly vulnerable, kicked down, extremely isolated, have zero self-worth/think so little of herself, and be financially stuck. I tried my best not to romanticize their situation and actually show the reasons as to why she was ever accepting of him. Her way of thinking was never okay. Mia needs serious, professional help that she's not getting because she has no one in her life who cares enough to step in. She's very much alone.

All that rambling to say, that's exactly how I tried to set her up in the epilogue even after she escaped Peter. Not much has changed from before she was with Peter to after. She tried to heal but fell short. Sadly, I think it's very truthful. So many people end up back with their abusers. When all you have is yourself to keep you in check, it's really easy to lose track of things and resort back to what you know.

Mia is still alone, trying to raise a daughter who looks an awful like her captor, and dealing with trauma that she has no outlet for. Her PTSD is currently manifesting itself into hypersexuality. She wants people to use her so that she can feel a sense of familiarity that she's always known.

About ptsd and hypersexual behavior:

"People also often feel tremendous guilt or shame in line with their trauma, which can promote hypersexual behavior. Sex, in this case, can be seen as a coping mechanism used to manage the symptoms of PTSD. Many people feel hypersexual impulses as their brains are focused on the trauma. They can enter an unhealthy cycle where they seemingly reenact their trauma. As mentioned, this can be a coping mechanism for many."

This is where Mia is right now. She's clearly scared of Peter. She's scared for her daughter. But there's a part of her that is relieved to see him. She doesn't have to wonder or worry about where he is anymore. He's standing in front of her. She's able to physically have him in her sights. She can monitor everything that he does. She no longer has to live in the unknown. Her abuser is right there and she knows what to expect...almost craves it because it's familiar and she's tricked herself into think that she loves him. If she loves them then it makes everything easier to digest. He's not an evil stranger, he's her lover. She can twist his actions into love to soothe her own messed up thinking.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY that I think Mia would let him back into her life without a fight, as sad as that is to think about. I want her to take her daughter and run but everything we know about Mia doesn't align with that. The moment she decided not to kill him when she escaped the basement was the moment she chose him over her own life. She killed Jake. She could have killed Peter too but she didn't. That was her choice and Peter knows it. He knows he has her wrapped around his finger and has full control over her. His plan from the very start worked. Mia is his. She lost the fight. For now. She can still change! And I like to believe that she does...because she lives in my head and it's my story so I can force her to eventually change if I want haha.

I see Peter living in secret with her for a while. I see her willingly and almost excitedly letting him have sex with her. She wants to reenact her trauma and he's the perfect one to replay that scenario with. If I wrote this, there would be a lot of really crazy, dark smut.

I think she'd let him get close to Sofia only under extreme supervision. She wouldn't let him see her unless she was there. No matter how long he was around, I don't believe she'd ever give up control over Sofia to him. It would be the only time the fantasies in her head would drop back to reality whenever he interacted with Sof. She'd feel a tightness in her throat and anxiety in her stomach that she would try to push away but could never quite shake anytime he looked at her daughter.

I think they would play house for a little bit until one day Mia would finally snap, the reality of what they were doing sinking in and slapping her in the face, and she would probably stab him to death or something crazy then sink his body in the bottom of the pond on the property. No one but her and Sofia know he was ever there. She'd tell Sof that he had to leave and wasn't going to come back. Eventually Sofia probably forget about him because she's only three. It would be Mia's dirty secret that she would take the grave. No one would ever know. It's the only way she could ever be free of Peter. Jail wouldn't cut it. The only way for her to be sure that he would never return to her life would be through death.

Sofia would grow up wondering why she was never allowed to swim in the pond and Mia would tell her it's because of leeches...which would conveniently mimic that one flashback of Aunt May telling Peter not to go swimming and Peter killing the leech in that exact same pond thus implying that maybe the story one day repeats itself but with Sofia growing up in Peter's footsteps. Because a daughter of a serial killer father and a mother who's murdered two people as a result is a great villain origin story.

The End.

[sweetwriting]

TimKon Week 2020 Day 5: What would it feel like?

Category: Gen

Genre: Hurt/Comfort 

Fandoms: DC Comics, Teamverse

Continuity : Post-Crisis/Pre-Flashpoint

Summary: Tim was the only one without a soulmate. Even if no one knew, it was lonely.

Word Count: 1 862

AN: Hola everyone. - Ok so while I enjoy reading Soulmates AU because of the variety of different kinds of soulmate AUs in fandoms, I have a hard time writing about predestination 'cause I don't believe in it. Especially not in any kind of romantic/Platonic format. As far as I believe soulmates are simply souls that have met several times and recognize each other (ofc that's only if you think reincarnation is possible).- I think Red String of Fate is more of an East Asia thing than an Asian thing in general but I couldn’t remember and don’t have the time to do research rn so that’s that and I’m going off the idea that by the time Tim’s grandpa died, it had spread around.Anyway, Enjoy

Prompt:  Soulmate AU - Hurt/Comfort

To read it on AO3

It was strange.

Tim could see marks on people. Sometimes it was timers, other times it was symbols, they could be static or moving, it could also be just matching lines separated in green, red and purple. Sometimes it was just writing or drawing that would disappear for some reason like erasable ink. More sadly, sometimes people share scars or pain. He only realized what he was seeing when he saw the picture of his grandparents whose pinkies were linked with a red string. His parents didn’t talk to him much about family traditions, he just knew that one of his great grandparents was Vietnamese and his mother had mentioned something called the red string of fate once. So he just did a quick internet search and tadaah. He knew what it was.

The question though was why he could see them when no one, not even metahumans could see them considering he was neither magic, a meta human nor an alien.

Or why he didn’t have one either.

Maybe it was simply a matter of not being able to see his own Soulmate. Or maybe it was in a place he could not see (which…he was torn between hoping for and not).

Or maybe he just didn’t have a soulmate.

But…aside from him everyone had a soulmate, their soulmarks might not always be visible but he could feel them, even if it was about sharing emotions. Was the fact that he could see the marks due to him not having one? Or did he not have one because he could see them?

It was rare for Tim to stop and think about that.

Despite his pretty great intelligence, if he dare think so himself, he was not the type to think too much about things that had no immediate effect on him (no matter how much he tried to pretend otherwise). So thinking about soulmates was not very interesting. People were linked to each other; he wasn’t linked to anyone or he was and couldn’t see it. The only thing he learned from that was that your soulmate didn’t have to be a romantic partner. So he wouldn’t have to feel bad if one day he wanted romance…for some reason.

Either way Soulmates didn’t concern him. So he usually didn’t think about it. To him soulmarks were like eye or hair color. Just a thing that was there.

But once in a while, when he was alone on his own, he thought about it. It would be nice to have someone else. Someone with whom he could share a part of his soul and know it would be accepted.

It hadn’t happened since he had met Bruce though. Because he was almost never completely alone even though his father was still comatose. Or maybe because of it. He really didn’t want to think about that.

It was the first time in a bit more than a year since he thought about it actually. And he didn’t know why as there was nothing in his current life that warranted it. There was just this strange warmth. That made him wish.

- - - - - -

Then he met Ari and Steph and he knew he wasn’t their soulmates but he knew soulmates didn’t have to be romantic so he tried.

- - - - - - -

A year passed and he met Superboy for the first time. And he could feel it. Even The Kid had a Soulmate. Apparently his soulmark wasn’t a visible one, but it was there nonetheless. How unfair. Well not really. It was just further proof he was his own person as Superman’s soulmark was a pen on his left arm.

He had talked to Batman about his “ability” once when he talked about someone’s soul mark allowing him to recognize a perp. He could have lied and said it was a tatoo but since Batman couldn’t see it, it was useless. Granted that’s what he thought afterward, he hadn’t even thought of lying when it happened. The only reason he hadn’t told Bruce in the first place was because he hadn’t thought about it. According to Zatana it wasn’t due to magic nor was he tested as a metahuman and he was human. Apparently he was just more sensitive to this wavelength just like some people were weak against electronics and others to sounds.

- - - - - - -

He had met St

- - - - - - -

Months passed.

He and Superboy became friends. Good Friends. Or as good as they could be with Tim being unable to reveal his real identity.

Which is to mean that soon enough it also started going badly. Granted the first time was because of Match, it doesn’t change that Kon felt hurt and started becoming distrustful over Tim’s identity.

But if anything, Kon was perceptive even if he didn’t always know how to draw the right conclusion. He knew Tim had issues, and he had his own so he saw the dots….he just connected the wrong ones together.

Still. They bonded, even if a part of their relationship was deteriorating (and boy did it deteriorate once they were on Apokolips) there were slightly more normal parts that helped when they were just hanging out. Of course Tim’s ID was in the way but now he could show his face and joke and just…hang out. He always felt better after hanging out with Kon, except when he was being insufferable. It was a 50/50 on which one would happen but Tim was always ready to risk it.

Until the war. He understood where Kon was coming from but…He couldn’t deal with it so he left. It felt cold. Because Kon was literally the last person he wanted to talk to. As in if he had anyone he wanted to be the last person he thought of or talked to, he wanted it to be Kon. As if that wasn’t surprising enough.

- - - - - - - - -

Stephanie died. So did his dad. Being near Conner was comforting. His presence helped even if it didn’t solve anything. Just being near him helped him believe he could burry his pain. Granted the man himself refused to let him do so. Because he was his best friend.

How do you tell someone you know they have a soul because they have a soulmate? Well you just tell them. Everything. And it helped, for a bit. But then Luthor took over and no matter what Tim said, Conner’s guilt was in the way. It might have helped if his guilt hadn’t gotten in the way. Also their trip to the future felt like a proof Tim was mistaken. Because what if his “soulmark” was just a pale copy of Clark’s. Enough to exist but not enough to copy the mark. And Tim could understand this point but he just didn’t believe it. He didn’t believe it, not until Raven proved him he had a soul. Tim felt a bit miffed but he understood how Conner felt even if for different reasons.

- - - - - - - - -

Then Conner died. The warmth left. More importantly he left. He was taken away. And Tim was left again.

It’s the first time Tim thought that maybe he had a soulmate.

He never felt as heartbroken as he was now.

- - - - - - - -

More than a year and a half passed. Tim was still grieving. He didn’t know what to do. All his loved ones just kept dying and he just felt so cold. Stuff happened.

Conner came back. He wasn’t so cold anymore but he just…He had something to do. He had to find Bruce. Even for Conner he couldn’t stop.

He didn’t have to. Conner found him. He was really there. And he was the only one who believed him. And Tim knew it was really him because the warmth was back tenfold. He felt so much alive again.

If Conner believed him… It renewed his hope he could find Bruce.

- - - - - - - -

After a while the Status Quo came back and Tim came back to the Teen Titans. After Conner and Cassie broke up. It wasn’t easy. He felt like a buffer sometimes. But he didn’t care. Even if Conner and Cassie had issues, they usually were fairly mature about their break-up. Probably more for Tim and Bart’s sake than anything else but Tim wasn’t gonna complain.

- - - - - -

And then one day Tim got badly hurt on a Titans mission. It was rare for Tim to be really hurt when he was on a team mission and usually it wasn’t anything Conner couldn’t help with his TTK, but this time Tim was badly hurt to the point of fainting and Conner couldn’t not hold onto him. He needed the reassurance his best friend was gonna be okay.

Which is when he felt both pain and comfort. Tim opened his eyes for a second in what looked like surprise but fainted again. He looked like he didn’t feel as bad though. Maybe Conner had a new power? He didn’t know…or really care. At that point all he wanted was to get Tim back to the tower so he could get help and hope that he was relieving his pain if only a little bit.

- - - - - -

When Tim woke up, he felt like he was in a cocoon of warmth. He was so comfortable he almost went back to sleep. But that wasn’t normal. So he opened his eyes and felt Conner’s eyes on him. The boy immediately went for a hug but then seemed to remember Tim was still hurt….Even if he didn’t really feel hurt. Huh.

After a few second spent taking in the other’s state, Conner started:

“You’ve been asleep for the past two days and you’re supposed to stay in bed for the next three days after you wake up. Doctor’s order. Which I’ll make sure you follow so no funny business.”

Tim cracked a smile and nodded.

“So you’ll be my nurse?”

Conner nodded, seriously.

“Apparently I can reduce your physical pain when my skin touches yours. And it’s not a new power. I tested it on Rose. It’s only you.”

Tim froze. So it was true. He actually….

“We’re soulmates aren’t we? You told me some people had pain or emotion based soulmarks and that’s what we have right?”

He actually had a soulmate. It wasn’t just wishful thinking. It was Conner of course. Who else. There was almost no one he loved as much as Conner and definitely no one he loved more.

“Hey Tim….You’re crying. I mean I know I’m probably not the best person you could hope for but, I mean at least now you know you have a soulmate too…”

Tim jumped in Conner’s arms and hugged him as tight as he could without injuring himself further.

“Idiot. I’m so happy your my soulmate! You have no idea. I’m just overwhelmed”.

“Oh”.

- - - - - -

So…It turns out Tim had a soulmate. It turned out to be his best friend, the person he loved more than anything.

And while he could feel Bruce judging him all the way from Gotham when, after he told him, Conner could be heard from the other side of the door, He was probably the happiest he had been in years.

AN: Hope you enjoyed it ! As you can see it can be read as either friendship or romance. It their case it's intertwined and I don't have the time to try and push it further in the realm of romance right now.In this the warmth Tim feels is mostly due to being sensitive to soulmates bond. So when he feels his at his most powerful (since it's skin touchbased, the closer Kon is, the better) he feels all warm and Tingly 'cause his and Kon's soul just...keep trying to be in the other's close relationships circle. No matter the life.

[gayregis]

angouleme can have little a avuncular guidance. as a treat ... heres some semblance of a compilation of regis being a guardian to angouleme, things i think about . both funnie and sad moments included i think

angouleme sneaks out at night to get into trouble / does other questionable things around the palace nocturnally, regis always catches her and it’s always on accident since they just have very similar time schedules. angouleme stares at him intensely in “oh fuck i just got caught” like O_O for a good 30 seconds EVERY time this happens but regis is just like :| and shrugs saying “i didn’t see anything, i’m a human, i can’t see at night or whatever” and walks off. also the next morning geralt always questions him as to what angouleme was doing, if he saw her when he was coming home, and regis always denies knowledge or says smth along the lines of “i’m not a narc, geralt :/”

angouleme yelling/losing her shit/saying wildly inappropriate things ... regis produces a ye olde granola bar from his bag and gives it to her and she quiets down immediately and is like :) content eating the granola bar. you can also substitute the granola bar with a bag of baby carrots.

similarly angouleme saying crazy shit and geralt telling her to be quiet and asking regis to recount this instead and regis says something incredibly similar/the exact same

that one time that milva was teaching angouleme to shoot and angouleme clear missed the target and got regis instead and actually for the first time was incredibly upset and regretful and guilty that she had inflicted pain and potentially death upon someone and was very worried and apologetic and ashamed ... but also when regis inevitably just plucks out the arrow and hands it back to her and says “oh i think this is yours” angouleme is like wait so he litcherally cant be killed... this is epic

basically angouleme who’s been abandoned having an immortal protector and mentor. peace

as i said in the tags of this post here: regis comes of as so peaceful as an individual that at first angouleme resents him a little, because she associates peace with arrogance... like, oh youre content with your life and dont hate yourself? so you think youre better than me? fucker. and she’s so used to asshole men being creeps in her life that this company still seems really bizarre in the regard that none of these men are dangerous. but then she learns about what ... who ... regis was in the past and she realizes that they’re similar, and then does the math and realizes that maybe one day she’ll also find this inner peace and can stop hating herself so much for the things she’s done and the things that have happened to her. angouleme not feeling as though she's so alone and such a fuckup that only she could ever get into such a mess like this... i feel like she has an unhealthy amount of survivor’s guilt, as in she blames herself for not dying while everyone else in her band did, and she also feels like what the world has given her she deserved because she was a fundamentally bad person from birth bc of her status, and that she will be stuck in this violent hellscape of a life forever and thats just how it is and she has to continue violence... but i think when she meets regis (and also milva) she realizes that violence does not need to be a cycle and change is possible.

also in the tags of that post: i think... regis developing more understanding/empathy and putting ethical philosophy into actual practice where it actually has stakes (haha haha haha stakes haha haha haha haha haha). i think in the hansa he learns what humanity actually means

also bc vampires just... do not parent, it’s not in their culture to, regis learning what guardianship actually means and growing into this position where he protects this child and begins to understand humanity on this deeper level of the feeling of protecting a child, because that’s very human, valuing and protecting the progenity for a new generation is incredibly human

also geralt arguing with regis that “humans don’t regrow their heads” so he can’t just be supporting her doing all sorts of dumb shit just bc he did it and he turned out alright... they kind of have to argue on how to parent i’m saying bc again vampire parenting is not much parenting at all. just let them go wild what’s the worst that could happen... they’ll learn sort of thing. so regis has to confront the idea of human fragility and mortality

i think regis also learns from angouleme in that it’s very easy to hate and loathe your past self and curse your past self, asking “what could i have possibly been thinking, what an idiotic thing to do...” when your past self was not actually devoid of any redeemable qualities and was actually just misguided and without hope... regis condemns his past self quite harshly but because he would never admonish angouleme in such a way i think he realizes that the self-loathing is excessive and unproductive and potentially harmful

i said this in a post already, but geralt is overflowing with fatherly vibes and milva is also stern so i think there is a lot of value in regis to angouleme , in that she can tell him practically anything and he won’t get on her case for it . she finds this kind of amnesty in him whereas with the other members of the hansa they’d freak and start asking her all these questions. regis is just like “hm ok” and maybe discusses a little but doesn’t give her shit for it. this allows angouleme to confide a lot of stuff that she wouldn’t normally feel safe to tell someone else, and also probably gets her out of a lot of trouble bc someone (a very powerful someone) will know where she is and what she’s doing... so if she gets into trouble, she has a lifeline

this also means she can tell him a lot of funnie stories that she doesn’t have to stop herself with because “was gonna say smth funny and then remembered it involved murder.” also regis has like a thousand stories too obviously so he counters her wild tales with smth even crazier and then they’ll try to compete for a bit like “well ONE TIME i...” but angouleme actually always wins and neither knows how she does

surgery lessons, or basically regis was sewing someone up and angouleme invaded the scene going “can i watch can i watch”

also alchemy lessons, which turns into basically “so that’s how you make fisstech... interesting”

i think also in these mentorships regis quizzes her lightly like “and what reactions does this species of plant produce in the human body...?” and angouleme says the right answer, “oh they drop dead” and regis is like “very good!” and angouleme kind of goes insane with happiness a little at being called ‘good’ / being praised by a parental figure for maybe like one of the first times in her life. similarly, i think regis would attest to angouleme’s character at the breakfast table in discussions, and say things like “well our angouleme is very smart” and she’d be like >:3!!!

as in canon, adopting each other’s speech mannerisms... not just regis adopting angouleme’s unique phrases, but i would also like to think abt angouleme saying smth pseudo-philosophical to throw someone off of her tracks... like “so, i owe you money... but what is the concept of debt and ownership, anyways? isn’t it all just a construct by society? by humanity?” and then she bolts and evades her creditors

regis trying to teach angouleme stuff and then being like “oh wait i forgot you can’t fly, hmm... ” “oh wait i forgot you can’t hypnotize people, hmm....... that complicates things...” ... jokes on regis though bc apparently angouleme can scale buildings and talk her way out of a lot of situations, so that’s almost as good as flight and hypnosis

im trying to not be sad rn but i think regis would be a very good person to cry on. like his cloak is very soft. and he smells like herbs. so there you go. but i think also angouleme having a breakdown would be cathartic for both of them because angouleme realizes that she’s being vulnerable around an adult and she isn’t afraid of them and regis realizes that he has a responsibility to not treat physical wounds, but rather to treat emotional ones and that’s infinitely more difficult

i think angouleme would have breakdowns to regis about: her family/her mother, geralt taking her into the hansa but she feels like he probably just sees her as a replacement daughter, i think also she gets into too much trouble one night and regis has to get her out of trouble and she kind of just breaks down because her life is crazy and has always been crazy and there’s no way out because this is all she has

i think angouleme also gets pretty upset at seeing children/teens with “perfect lives,” like she just gets crazy bitter about it... and there’s no shortage of nobility around the palace, so she’s constantly reminded of her background. i think regis’s not-being-a-human-isms and philosophy that stems from an immortal perspective that all humans are equal in life and death can help with this. but also he kind of has to learn that you can’t just talk about smth abt society or the past that is fucked up and solve it by having had said it... it will always remain an issue...

i also think that regis has his ravens scout around for angouleme’s lost pendant with a sea-cat on it, but when she gets it back she gets mad and says that she doesn’t want it because she doesn’t want to be reminded of her mother, regis is like “ok” but angouleme is still mad, she realizes she’s mad because she doesn;t think that regis realizes that he’s actually become more of a guardian to her than her biological mother was, and tries to provoke him but regis is unprovokable ofc so he’s like hm explain that and angouleme just spills her emotions

to bring this back to happy i think they could also prank geralt pretty hard. and or eavesdrop. plus there will be times like where angouleme is waiting by a door trying to listen in and straining and regis stands like 3 feet from the door and hears everything perfectly, just recites it all aloud and she’s like oh this is so much easier. 

also once angouleme was eavesdropping on geralt and dandelion arguing and regis approached and was like “angouleme :/” and angouleme was like >:/ “get out of here i’m tryna eavesdrop” and regis was like “there’s a more professional way to do this” and disappears through the door, angouleme is like “showoff!” ... geralt smells sage and throws a moon dust bomb at him and regis coughs up silver shards for the rest of the day. also when angouleme hears the explosion she jumps in, so this was a failed attempt all around

[sunsetsover]

Talk about yesterdays episode.. tell me everything you enjoyed in detail lol.

first of all lemme just say i’m SO SORRY this took me so long to get to i know i said i’d answer this like last sunday but sometimes shit happens!!! but you asked for me to go into detail so i very much went into detail so!!! buckle in!!!

i’m doing this in bulletpoints for clarity otherwise it will just be an incoherent mess lmao

(also for reference this is abt the 8th nov ep aka the ‘you’re my boyfriend’ ep!)

ok so let me preface by saying i fuckin adored this ep it’s like god tier for me rn i love ben and pam’s relationship so mf much i hope she comes back soon

like the fact that she just knew!! she knew smth was going on w callum and ben more or less straight away and ok granted those two were not exactly being subtle what with the domestic they were having in the middle of the albert but u know... for all she knew callum was straight and had just broken up w whitney so the fact that she knows ben well enough to just be able to Know smth was goin on despite all of that?? i love that it says so much abt their relationship!!

and then her being the nan that she is and taking it upon herself to fish for information with jay like ‘callum seems nice.... shame abt whitney 👀’ and then jay covering for their asses by not saying anything but pam is Not Stupid and jay was also tellingly vague so she was instantly like i see 👀👀

and then ben entering the parlour shouting about ‘bring out your dead’ or w/e it is he says like the little shit he is and pam rolling her eyes and just the easy affection of that whole interaction like her gently slapping his face and calling him a little devil like ur damn right he is!! almost literally!! but there’s sm overt affection and love there and it’s so nice to see bc ben doesn’t really get that from anyone else (he does from callum now, and jay in certain situations, but it’s just different u know?? like u dont even see that energy from his own mum v often so it’s just... nice to see idk)

like i just love her she has such nan energy and it’s so comforting and warm and she needs to be around forever not just for ben but for jay and lola and also callum like ? pls come back forever pam

ben innocently trying to help callum out by getting him promoted to manager when he hears jay is gonna take a step back like!! he was really just tryna help bc he knew callum was struggling w money... and alright, he probably shouldn’t have meddled and i get why callum wasn’t happy abt it (i’ll get to that) but i also truly believe that that wasn’t him tryna control the situation or interfere or whatever but him genuinely trying to help out his bf and jay was gonna take a step back anyway so it wasn’t even like he was the one to suggest it or anything idk i just thought as misguided as it might have been it was very sweet and thoughtful

also the fact that ben’s reaction to jay being like ‘i suppose callum could be ready to be a manager’ was basically ‘yeah man have you seen him in that suit!!! he makes my dick hard!!!’ like !!!!!!! he was so sincere and enthusiastic as well like he’s fucking diabolical i love him sm ..... pair that with jay’s reaction basically just being like ‘........................ anyways’ sdkfjsdkfsl iconic scene

and then later!!!! you’ve got ben practically chasing callum into the parlour when he sees him go in there!! he’s so excited to see callum and tell him the good news abt the promotion!! bc he’s done good!!! he’s helping!!! bc he knows damn well he’s in the doghouse bc of what had happened with pam and like the energy he radiated when he walked into that parlour was very much ‘i am coming to u w my tail between my legs bc i know i fucked up but instead of saying sorry i’m going to give u the sad eyes and hope u relent’ and like u can see he was practically buzzing out of his skin as he waited for jay to tell him abt the promotion and he’s looking at callum like ‘look! look at what i did!! i’m fixing it! i’m making up for my mistake!’ bc this is obviously how he thinks he can fix things instead of idk having a conversation and talking abt things but!!! i love it ben’s so cute

but ofc it backfires bc callum doesn’t want ben to fix things!! he doesn’t need ben fixing things!! he can look after himself! and we the audience know it wasn’t like ben went to jay and was like ‘you need to promote callum bc he’s struggling with money’, it was more of a two birds one stone situation. but ofc callum doesn’t know that, and it comes across very much as ben meddling and also - as callum says - very hot and cold. like ben can’t tell pam abt their relationship and will ignore him for hours but will (seemingly) wade in like some kind of knight in shining armour bc callum said he’s having money troubles? nah. i said it at the time but i completely agree w callum’s reaction, i would have reacted the same way if i were him. and maybe on any other day callum wouldn’t have reacted so strongly, but after what had happened that morning w pam it’s completely understandable why he goes off on one.

and like poor ben is so confused like he obviously really thought this would be good news and put him back in callum’s good graces but ofc it doesn’t bc what callum needed was an explanation and apology. and you can see how confused and crestfallen he is bc he doesn’t want to fight w callum and he really didn’t want to make things worse but he evidently has and not only that but jay is there witnessing his massive fuck up in action. and u can just tell from the body language that he straight up doesn’t know what to do or say so he’s just kinda floundering bc he really thought he could fix what had happened with pam bc what? he half talked jay into giving callum a promotion? bless him lmao

then he goes full grovel mode - even if he is still very ben about it - and is leaving him voicemails (meaning he’s tried to call him multiple times, he probably tried texting too lmao) and moping abt in the cafe looking all sad and stressed and it’s just so good bc he knows he fucked up and he’s trying not to let it fester which is a v good and v adult thing to do. plus the juxtaposition of ben being like ‘u know ur gonna forgive me so stop being a diva and call me back’ and then that soft little ‘please 🥺’ tacked on the end??? delicious

and then pam walking up to him and standing there and just sighing. like not a word, she just stands there and sighs like dkjfkjsdkfjlsdkf mood !!

no but ok that whole scene of ben and pam in the cafe really had me welling up like just. everything about it. the layers to it all. and i won’t sit here and dissect every little thing even tho i probably could bc we’d be here all day but like just. all of it.

like pam’s exasperation at ben not telling her about him and callum (bc obviously she’s found out from someone - probably honey, who wouldn’t think to lie abt it if pam asked outright), ben not even being marginally surprised that she knows bc even he must know how obvious he’s been, and she was bound to find out from someone. the fact that he jumped when she raised her voice and pointed at him - i could make a whole separate post about that honestly that just. says so much about ben. but yh.... the fact that she knew without him even having to open his mouth that ben was gonna say it was to spare her feelings (like that’s essentially what he says to callum later in the ep). the fact that he didn’t really have a good excuse to offer her and he knew that. his sad little face and the fact that he made himself smaller and ducked his head like just his body language in general (max bowden is SO good at playing on that shit, he has a way of making ben seem physically smaller in certain situations and i love it sm). ben being like ‘idk i thought it’d be easier’ and pam immediately being like ‘yeah for u not callum!!!’ like the ‘u silly boy!!’ was so heavily implied throughout this whole scene u can practically taste it.

and pam! pam manages to effectively have a go at ben and call him out on his shit without belittling him or being cruel or nasty (and no naming names but like. certain mothers could learn a thing or two 👀) and actually have ben listen to her. because she listens to him and hears him and respects and loves him and he respects and loves her so she can have a go at him and his back won’t go up and he won’t lash out because he knows she’s not going to try and hurt him or be unnecessarily harsh. and that’s why their relationship is so special. also i’m still v bitter abt the way kathy handled calling out ben’s shit as opposed to how pam handled it but 🤷🏻‍♀️

like it’s such a little thing but it’s the way she waited for ben to speak. ben said ‘i didn’t-’ and then cut himself off, obviously either struggling to find the right words or struggling to say them out loud, and she just waited for him. waited for him to find the words, to figure out how to say it. she didn’t rush him or try and put words in his mouth or anything, she just sat there quietly, patiently waiting for ben to explain himself in his own time. that is the difference between her and everyone else, and that’s why ben listens to her. because she listens to him - and i mean really, actually listens rather than just hearing the sound of his voice ygm

and then they get too the root of it all: paul. he says he didn’t want pam thinking he’d forgotten paul - which is only half true, imo. i think he was (and maybe still is) just as scared that he’s going to forget paul. i think he has a lot of unaddressed issues when it comes to paul and what happened in general. and i think he definitely needed permission specifically from les and/or pam that it was ok for him to move on now - bc other ppl have tried to tell him that but u can tell from how he’s reacted in the past that he doesn’t like ppl who didn’t really know paul talking abt what he would or wouldn’t want. but pam did know paul, probably better than anyone. and she’s telling him that it’s ok. that she wants him to be happy, and that’s exactly what paul would want too. and she would know - she’s his nan. so ben can allow himself to listen to her. he trusts her, trusts that she would know what paul would want, how he would feel. and now he has permission to let go of the past a little bit and finally start moving on.

and that’s hard!! like as much as he might like callum, that’s still a hard thing to do for him!! you can see on his face that it’s hard for him to digest and accept what pam’s telling him - that maybe it’s finally time to let go. it’s just as hard for him to confess that yeah, he does care about callum - he gives her the tiniest nod of the head because he can hardly even bring himself to say it, but he can’t deny it either. and it’s hard for pam too, is the thing. you can from the way her voice shakes as she tells him it’s time to start showing callum that he cares how hard she’s trying not to cry. not because she’s not being sincere, not bc she doesn’t mean it or she doesn’t want ben to move on and be happy, but it’s still a hard thing. the world has moved on without paul, and now ben - the last link to him in a lot of ways - is too, and as necessary and as good as that is for him, it doesn’t make it any easier for them. grief is a weird and difficult thing and i think they both did a good job of portraying the struggle of it in this scene.

and then them having this moment right at the end at the end where they’re just smiling at each other w their heads rested together and it’s not an easy thing and they’re both obviously a bit upset and broken but it’s so sincere and warm and she just pulls him in and kisses his head and he just lets himself be comforted by her and by this point i had a big lump in my chest bc it was a very real and important and sweet moment and i was a lil overwhelmed

the tiny mick and callum scene!! i want more of them!!! we haven’t had a proper mick and callum scene since before the wedding i think and i know realistically it’s bc danny dyer has been doin other stuff and hasn’t been filming much and then when he has been filming obv the focus has been on the ollie/linda stuff but!! i miss them and it was so good to see them acknowledge that they haven’t seen each other much and for mick to acknowledge callum’s relationship w ben (calling it ‘matters of the heart’ 🥺️) it was just Good i love their relationship sm and i miss them and i need more!!

mick being so happy to see pam was just !!!!!!!!!! like everyone loves pam!!!!!!! please can she come back and stay forever pls

ben’s face when he tried to approach callum only for callum to turn his back on him like that boy was CRUSHED and he didn’t know what to do like he just stood there for a moment unsure what to do w himself and it was Gud

the shot of callum drinking his beer looking all mopey and dejected with ben staring at the back of his head obviously pining even if he wasn’t in focus and then pam telling ben to basically get his shit together and fix this and practically shoving him towards callum while ben’s lookin like he’s trying to psych himself up and mick’s just there looking between all of them trying to figure the whole thing out??? high art

ben approaching callum looking visibly nervous and out of his depth... and then callum seeming genuinely surprised that ben had come over... bye

the fact that the first thing ben said was ‘i’m sorry’!!! ben saying he understands why callum flipped out the way he did!!! callum saying he understands that ben was just trying to help!!!! ben acknowledging that callum is hurt and upset and then explaining why he did what he did and how he felt but still acknowledging that he hurt callum!!! the fucking communication!!!!!!!! like honestly it hasn’t been smooth sailing for these two so far but they always seem to be surprisingly good at communicating and talking when smth is going wrong, at least after the fact (esp ben) and i LOVE that it’s so healthy!!

callum doing the very callum thing and being like ‘it’s fine, i get it’ even tho he’s clearly still upset bc he doesn’t wanna rock the boat but then ben being like ‘no, it’s not fine! what i did is not fine! you don’t have the pretend that it is!’ and callum seeming lowkey taken aback by that :-(

(pam and mick just watching on in the background of all of this like the pseudo parents they are like honestly??? maybe the best part of the scene LMAO)

that little bit of nervousness before ben says ‘you’re my boyfriend’ like he said it in a very sure way but you could tell he was nervous bless him... and then the way callum’s face lit up but he tried to hide it and not smile and play it cool with his ‘you’ve never called me that before’ but then it cuts back to ben who has the biggest smile on his face but u can tell he’s tryna suppress it a lil too but failing miserably AND THEN shy ben makes an appearance w his little ‘well you are, aren’t ya?’ like he just wants to be sure!! he wants to ask so callum has the opportunity to say no (though judging by both of their faces he knew callum wasn’t gonna say no lmao) but he’s still ben so he’s gotta ask in this roundabout way... man it’s so cute

combine that with callum’s little pout and squint like he was pretending he really had to think abt it and the tone of his little ‘yeah’ like he was like ‘i suppose so’.... the subtle banter of it all i love it.... but he can’t keep it up for long bc then he’s the one with a massive smile on his face like bro... the sun doesn’t even shine that bright

and then ben’s little disbelieving ‘yeah?’ like he had to make sure :-(

AND JUST PAM AND MICK BEING LIKE AWWW WHEN THEY KISSED AND MICK BEING LIKE ‘HOW LOVELY’ AND JUST STANDING THERE SMILING AT THEM IT TOOK ME OUT FR

ben asking callum if he’s happy and callum tapping ben’s chin and telling him he is...................... the two of them looking at each other Like That....... talented brilliant incredible amazing etc

pam being like ‘my work here is done’ i love HER

ben making a point of being like ‘pam i want you to meet my boyfriend’ he’s so fuckin cute i love him

the whole pam and callum exchange from the hug to her holding his hand and telling him how lucky he is to have ben and then telling callum that ben has the biggest heart of anyone she knows but saying it to ben bc she knows he needs to hear that too bc like... when has anyone EVER said that about ben?? when has anyone ever thought that about ben?? but she sees through all the bullshit and sees him for the kind, soft-hearted, loving but equally damaged boy he really is and she wants callum to know and understand that but also for ben to know that too and i’m crying just thinking about it bc you can see ben’s face change and how emotional he starts to get not only bc it’s pam and everything that must be going through his head abt paul, but also just?? someone being kind to him?? saying smth nice?? god i’m broken

like pam really almost had me in tears in this scene genuinely esp when she was clearly getting emotional (as was ben) and she took both of their hands and told them to look after each other, given everything that happened with paul, and them both saying ‘we will’.... like that really fucked me up.... it felt like a Moment.... and then follow that up w pam and ben resting their heads against each other and whispering ‘i love you’ and it was so warm and full of love and adoration .... the ‘i hate goodbyes’.... the palm kiss.... the fact that ben looked like he was abt to cry as pam left... i was a broken woman truly

and then they just went on as if nothing happened and they didn’t just have a very significant relationship moment with the ‘i am lucky’ ‘i’m glad you realize it’ banter lmao

ben being like ‘u have the support of ur boyfriend 🥰️’ when callum was explaining he wanted to leave the parlour like he really couldn’t keep that word out of his mouth huh 🥺️

and the way he grabbed callum’s hand but only managed to get 3 fingers and then callum putting his hand on top of ben’s like for some reason that really fucked me up......... like gays and hands am i right

the journey ben’s face went on when callum told him he wanted to join the police.... the way it went from ‘haha good joke’ to ‘..................... wait he’s being serious’ to ‘oh god what the fuck’ was amazing lmao

and then him interrupting jay and lola w his massive dramatic freak out was so fucking funny like the way jay just shoved lola off his lap when ben come in KILLED me honestly and like ben’s on the verge of a breakdown and his brother and the mother of his child are just taking the piss and laughing at his expense.......... i love family

yeah so perhaps i went a bit overboard w this one but i did make you wait like a week and a half so perhaps this will make up for it lmao ??? but rlly tho i loved this ep sm there was so much good abt it and i want to keep pam forever thank u for ur time 💖💖

[mcgills]

So, this happened. ANDJDJEKDB. SEEING NETWORK AND MEETING BRYAN CRANSTON IS A THING THAT HAPPENED. If you’ve been following me a while, you probably know Breaking Bad is my favorite show of all time. I never dreamed I’d get to see Bryan on stage, let alone meet him, but then I found out Network had transferred to NYC, and I got my ticket—forth row center ahhhhh that in and of itself was a trip. Still, even then I never presupposed I’d meet him because I never want to get ahead of myself—BUT HERE WE ARE. Without any hesitation, he is absolutely phenomenal. That is one Olivier that was very well deserved x infinity. There is so much heavy lifting to be done in this show on all fronts—dramatic/comedic/physical/emotional—and he makes it look easy. It’s hilarious and tragic and unsettlingly real, and it runs a mile a minute. I hope beyond hope The National Theatre Live releases it. He’s just a force to be reckoned with and such a nice, funny person.

Not that anyone would want to, but please do not post my pics elsewhere. Thank you!

A cut for dashes!

He’s just like I imagined, really. He is so kind to fans. He even guaranteed he WOULD sign for and take pictures with everyone so that people weren’t pushing and shoving and vying for the front. One girl pushed in from the second row (why are there always those that just CAN’T follow the rules) on the second night and he told her he would come back to her after he got through with those there before her. (Go Bryan!) His assistant keeps track of who is next at the barriers, and she even takes the picture for you. It’s such a cool thing for them to do because really...they don’t have to do any of this, but they want the process to be civil and respectful and as chill as possible, which I majorly appreciate. He’s a huge cut-up, which you probably know if you’ve ever seen any of his interviews or BTS commentaries, etc. He jokes with everyone, seriously...everyone, but you can also tell he loves his craft and is serious about it (obviously). He takes in stride the never ending silly questions and comments like, just from my two experiences, “How is Malcolm?” or “Hey Bryan, I am the one who [insert verbiage here]!” comments (This probably is just my own issue, tbh. LOL. Because I know he fully loves and embraces BrBa completely and still does charity events, etc. involving the show). He’s just a really genuine, light-hearted, super passionate, super caring, super vibrant presence. In short, he’s awesome.

The first night, I was toward the end of the “first row” of the line. This was also the night I saw the play, so I ran out just as soon as I could with my Playbill hoping I would get a good spot (if indeed he came out). The security guy told us he would sign for everyone but that pictures had to be when he was signing because Bryan had somewhere to be. No actual pics WITH Bryan. Just as soon as he came out, that totally didn’t happen. For everyone who asked, Bryan took the time to take a selfie with them. He was very good to make sure people got a successful pic as well. He always greeted me with a “Hi! How are you?” I told him how phenomenal the show was. I asked if I could take a selfie with him and he said “Sure!” You can probably tell how excited I was by my horrible face in the first pic. lmao. IGNORE THAT. He thanked me for coming and I told him I was a big fan. He did sign for everyone and took a nice amount of time with each person given he had to be somewhere.

The second night was busier, but even more chill because he was able to take more time. I wanted to get my poster signed, so I went back and got a front spot at the barriers hoping for a second stroke of luck. IT HAPPENED. I have to first tell the story of a lady beside me because it’s just TOO GOOD.

This lady had her Network script for Bryan to sign. She also had her friend and interpreter with her because she was deaf. When he got to her, she told Bryan that the theater told her they did not have an interpreter for the show. So she would know what was going on, she purchased and read the play script before her upcoming show the following night. Not only did he seem super touched by this, but he was also shocked that the theatre didn’t have an interpreter. He said, “Really?!? We don’t have that here? In London, I know we had that.” Then he went, “Bastards!” and then he told the interpreter to say: “Assholes!” Done. And lastly...”Motherfuckers!” lololol. By this time, the friend was cracking up, the lady was covering her mouth “shocked.” She was dying laughing and we were dying laughing, and then he laughed and genuinely said, “I’m sorry. Tomorrow, right?” to reconfirm the day she was seeing the play, then he asked if she wanted to get a picture (the answer was yes) and told her it was nice to meet her.

So, by this time, when he got to me, I was ofc losing it, grinning like an idiot. (I do that anyway, lbr, I had no chill, and I’m like WORDS. What are words??) I said my customary “Hi!” and he goes “How are you?” I said, “I’m good! I love the show.” I had my Network poster out for him to sign, and as he wrote “Bryan” I went, “Do you mind to personalize it?” To that he looked at me and said, “Sure! What’s your name?” I said, “It’s Ashlee with two e’s. A-s-h-l-e-e.” He said, “Hold on — A-s-h...” Me: “l-e-e.” Then he went, “L-E-E. OOOOO...FANCY!” In a sing-song voice. LOL. I know I looked like the biggest friggin’ idiot because I was smiling so big. I laughed and said, “Yeah. I’m a non-conformist. Breaking out of the mold.” He finished the auto with “Fancy!” and I died. He always asked each person if they wanted a picture. Very cool. Everyone always said yes. lol. For me, this was all an out of body experience since I don’t even remember handing his assistant my phone, but when I reached my hand out and he saw my phone case (it has got these tiny black Swarovski crystals literally all over it) he said, “Look at that! Beautiful!” He puts his arm out and we take the pic and he said, “Nice, sparkly phone case!” I was still grinning like an idiot (SHOCKER). I said, “Thank you SO much!” He said, “You’re welcome.” and I went back to the hotel flipping outtttt. I’M SO PSYCHED RN I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. It was one of those moments where I was going THIS IS WALTER WHITE. THIS IS HOWARD BEALE. THIS IS CRANSTON WHO WON THE OLIVIER AND A MILLION EMMYS, ETC. AND HE’S SO NICE. It was another one of those unreal experiences I’m incredibly grateful for, and I just love when my faves turn out to be awesome. 15/10 person/actor would recommend on all counts.

[kxngofgotham]

REPOST. ( please do not reblog !! )

tagged by: Several SEVERAL mutuals now OTL;; I’m very late to the party

NAME: Oswald Cobblepot

NICKNAME:  The Penguin, Pengy and/or other variations of Penguin, Os or Ozzie, Bosswald, Boss

GENDER: Male

ORIENTATION: Homoromantic; Somewhere along the ace spectrum for sexuality; Oswald doesn’t know the exact term to describe his feelings but probably demisexual.

PREFERRED PET NAMES: Darling, Handsome, Lovely; adores masculine based pet names that have a note of praise attached. Bird-related pet names are a hit or miss, depending on the other person.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS:  It’s COMPLICATED. Dependant on the verse or muse; but he is committed to Cas’ Joker in our plotline.

FAVORITE CANON SHIP(S): I won’t get into a fistfight over whether Ed/Os is canon or not. I do enjoy it when it’s written well but as Gotham goes rn it’s a mess.

FAVORITE NON-CANON SHIP(S): Jim/Oswald; Edward/Oswald (again. When it’s written well); Joker/Oswald (dependent entirely on the Joker); I’m sure there’s more but I’m drawing a complete blank. 

OPINION ON TRUE LOVE: Still holds some value in his mother’s lesson of life giving each person one true love but it has soured due to the strife and heartbreak concerning Ed. 

When push comes to shove, he absolutely still believes in True Love.

OPINION ON LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

Believes in admiration at first sight--but not love. Anyone can appreciate aesthetics from a first glance but he wouldn’t know the other man well enough to determine if it’s love.

HOW ‘ROMANTIC’ ARE THEY.

On a scale of one to ten? Probably around a seven. He’s extremely cliched in his actions due to lack of experience and following whatever lead his partner might take.

Absolutely dotes and fawns over his partner; shows appreciation where his words fail with gifts or what have you. Absolutely plays favorites and prioritizes his partner over others.  Candle lit dinners, much more intricate than they have any reason to be beyond the fact that he can. Flowers or whatever the other man actually enjoys receiving. 

IDEAL PHYSICAL TRAITS.  

Easy on the eyes; TALL (at least taller than himself); Excellent aesthetic (that’s not exactly PHYSICAL but I digress.); Physically fit--not to the point of being ripped but. You know. Fit.

IDEAL PERSONALITY TRAITS.  

Clever and intelligent, enough to keep up with his own antics; Capable of holding their own; Reliable; Well Kept.

UNATTRACTIVE PHYSICAL TRAITS.

Unkept appearance to a certain degree; SHORTER than himself. 

UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS.

Rudeness; Sloppiness, whether in regards to lifestyle or general upkeep; Cowardliness; 

IDEAL DATE.  

A nice romantic evening together, whether it be out in public or in the privacy of his own home. Good food; Good wine. Formal attire without a doubt. 

DO THEY HAVE A TYPE.

Very much the ‘Partner in Crime’-esque type. Someone who he can rely on and play off of with his criminal lifestyle (save for Jim ofc but. Well. That’s a whole other story). The GENTLEMAN; someone who presents themselves and demands attention without being obnoxious about it. Has a presence in the room. 

AVERAGE RELATIONSHIP LENGTH.

N/A; Considering he’s not quite been in any besides what he has with J.

Depending on the Edward or plot I consider the relationship between them to be one sided on Oswald’s part so it was never anything. Official. Due to Edward’s own hang-ups and being closeted.

PREFERRED NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY.

Cuddling. Let him be the little spoon but mind the bad leg.  Or just general. Closeness. Letting him lean on the other and show a certain point of vulnerability he trusts his lover to not betray.

It isn’t something he’s had all that often and he’s extremely touch starved.

OPINION OF PUBLIC AFFECTION.

Depends on the surroundings and the company within; Oswald is very skittish towards showing weakness in public due to how often his loved ones have been used against him.  Betrayals from those he trusted the most have done a number on his emotions. Openly displaying affection for his partner puts the other man in danger and paints him as a target, should anyone want to get at the Penguin. 

He’s a little more lack in the Lounge, if only because he holds a level of control over everything but beyond that--he’d prefer keeping things private. For everyone’s safety. 

His lover is not a pawn to be used in the game of Gotham’s underground.

PAST RELATIONSHIPS.

Dependant on the verse or muses but, Onesided Ed/Os. That’s it. 

TAGGING.

P much everyone has done it so whoever hasn’t! And would like to! 

[ontheavalanche]

As someone with BPD, I struggle a lot with headcanons of Kent Parson with BPD.

Bc on the one hand, I really enjoy people taking the time to research BPD and crafting versions of Kent Parson that are complicated yet respectful and highlighting a disorder that imho isn’t spoken about nearly enough + a lot of thought and effort goes into taking mentally ill characters and fleshing them out with words. Plus I’ve seen some well composed stuff from people who do have BPD and get what it’s like and make wonderfully relatable versions of BPD!Parse and I don’t want to downplay those at all.

But at the same time, I noticed a lot of what happens is that people paint Kent Parson as this guy that’s been really manipulative and can say and do things that are emotionally abusive or just make him all impulsive but then be all like oh he’s like that because he has BPD so it’s okay.

And that’s bad for multiple reasons—the first one being ofc that you can’t excuse manipulative, emotionally abusive, or any other kind of shitty behaviors just bc the person acting that way is mentally ill. The second is that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are generally not like that???? That’s a really harmful stereotype of what people with BPD are like and it’s been perpetuated a lot in various types of media and even within medical and mental health communities.

Anyways, I’m p sure I personally won’t be able to read any fics with BPD!Parson unless they’re personally recommend to me, but I will throw a few things out there that I haven’t seen in BPD!Parse fics but that are common amongst people with BPD. (Please keep in mind that these are based on my own experiences and experiences of other people I know who have BPD—as with any mental health issue, it can manifest very differently depending on the person and not everyone with have experienced all of these):

Manic episodes!!!!! (I feel it’s important to note that often times you won’t realize you’re Manic until you’re peeking. And tbh a lot of times you don’t realize it at all, especially if you don’t have experience recognizing those feelings. Also I’ve noticed that with people with BPD that are more on the consistently manic side will not notice their mania because while manic episodes are intense, if you’re used to them it feels totally normal to feel that way all the time. You might not notice it’s a thing until it gets pointed out by an outsider or unless you get a really really bad one or end up hospitalized)

After a manic episode, you might Crash—a sort of Mania Hangover, if you will. Sometimes it can be a full blow depressive episode, sometimes it’s just a need for sleep or maybe releasing a few hard earned tears. (Or if you’re one of those people that’s kind of Perpetually Manic or going through a manic phase, maybe you won’t even Crash, you’ll just slide into another episode like whatislife amiright??)

If not full blown mania, then mood swings!!!! So many mood swings!!!!! They’re intense and sometimes they last a few hours and sometimes they last a few days. People with BPD have intense emotions, highs and lows and you can on occasion get several in the span of an hour or two.

A chronic feeling of emptiness (I’m thinking of Parse feeling empty n wow that hurts so bad doesn’t it?)

Reckless, impulsive, or dangerous behaviors, often thought of as a result of trying to fill that emptiness or during feelings of mania or anger or mood swings. (This can manifest as shopping sprees, sex, substance abuse, binge eating, etc).

Viewing things in black and white—often times things and feelings are perceived as either totally Good or totally Bad, with little to nothing in between. It’s easy to distort your point of view to make it so that everything fits in those categories. This is a defense mechanism and is often referred to as “Splitting” or all-or-nothing thinking.

The Good/Bad POV//defense mechanism also and especially applies toward people and while logically you might know people are multifaceted and want to recognize that people can be both good and bad, sometimes it can be really hard not to look at people and subconsciously be like “okay are you a hero or a villain, a protagonist or an antagonist, do I love you or hate you” (idealization vs devaluation)

In the BPD community, many people have something called an FP (a Favorite Person)—this is a person you’ve formed an emotional dependency on that can quite literally make or break your day with the slightest provocation. Frankly, this is kind of difficult to talk about so I recommend skimming this article. Basically, you devolve intense feelings for a person (be it romantic or platonic) and when they give you attention or when you view their actions as positive, it’s like you’re happier than you’ve ever been but if you view something they did or said as a negative towards you (even if it wasn’t their intention), suddently your mood plummets so badly that you might feel physically pained or enter a major depressive episode or feel suicidal. (Not everyone has or has had an FP, but if you have one and they reject you and the relationship between the two of you is over, it can feel kind of like a soulmate au gone bad in which you gotta break this Profound Bond and it feels like you’re shattering. Not impossible to get over but you’ll be kind of broken for a while, or maybe just a little cracked forever.) ((Was Jack Zimmermann Kent’s FP???? Who knows, just don’t think about it))

While obviously relationships with people can often be intense and sometimes unstable, it doesn’t mean everyone is regarded with the same level of intensity and it doesn’t mean people with BPD don’t also have normal and healthy relationships and friendships. It truthfully depends on the person. Sometimes all relationships are affected, and sometimes it’s just one.

Disassociation—this can range from depersonalization (feeling disconnected from your body), derealization (feeling disconnected from reality), amnesia (lost time), and identity confusion (losing self).

Speaking of identity—people with BPD struggle with their self-image, and yes sometimes they will distort how they view themselves to fit their mood. I often see this brought up in fics in regards to Kent Parson as either having extreme narcissism or with an extremely low self worth. While those two things aren’t generally out of the realm of possibility, most of the time when it comes to people with BPD and their identity it’s more like they’re lost???? Idk how to describe it but amongst people with BPD, it’s common to feel like you don’t know who the real you is, or like there is no real you and you’re just made up of other people. It’s because sometimes we latch onto the habits and obsessions of others, of our friends and loved ones, and they become our habits and our obsessions, and sometimes realizing this can push you into a bit of an identity crisis????? (Does anyone have a way to put this into English that makes sense bc I’m doing my best here but I Suck soooo) EDIT: the word for it is “Identity Disturbance” and it’s A Big Thing

Seemingly unprovoked bursts of anger and irritability are not uncommon

A lot of people with BPD have abandonment issues. Be it real or imagined abandonment, many of us try to avoid feeling that kind (or any kind) of rejection, even if it means we’re the ones doing the rejecting first. I see this well represented in fics but it’s very dragged out. (Truthfully, imho people with BPD can kinda suck at rejecting people, like we’ll wanna do it so that you don’t do it to us but we can’t quite execute it all that well and when we do we try not to dwell on it.)

I have noticed in BPD!Parse fics, most of the time he has a healthy sense of distrust towards people and their intentions and that’s pretty accurate although sometimes it’s the exact opposite—you might trust too much or too quickly if you consider them Good.

Major depressive episodes are not at all uncommon. (I apologize bc I don’t think I’m going to be able to put in as much detail about this rn bc tbh I’m running on the Manic side lately and when I’m more manic I tend to forget what it’s like to feel depressed or just how those feelings come about until I get hit with a wave of them and then I just wallow.)

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are not uncommon either, even if you aren’t going through a depressive episode or feeling sad. (An unfortunate percentage of people with BPD die from suicide.)

Some people experience intrusive thoughts or some form of psychosis (if I’m not mistaken the term “borderline” actually comes from an antiquated thought that people with BPD are “borderline psychotic” and so some places no longer use the term “borderline personality disorder” and rather call it an emotional intensity disorder or an “emotionally unstable personality disorder”—bc the latter is totally much better)

Looooots of anxiety, I don’t think in the same way you see in an anxiety disorder??? (I have both so it’s hard for me to describe and separate the two but from what I’ve heard, for people that don’t have an anxiety disorder but do have BPD, it can come in bouts, kind of like manic and depressive episodes but just anxiety and none of the high or low feelings????)

Trouble sleeping is common with people with BPD

Paranoia

A majority of the time, people with BPD also have other disorders such a depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, or other personality disorders that coexist with your BPD.

And the last thing: if you’re reading this list and thinking “huh this sounds more like what I’ve read about bipolar disorder rather than borderline personality disorder” then the reason for it is bc the way bipolar disorder is presented in media is often similar to the reality of what it’s like to have BPD (and similarly there is so much more to bipolar disorder that is not presented in media accurately). The two can be very similar from an outsider’s point of view but to put it in oversimplified terms—people with BPD have more persistent day-to-day symptoms that impact them 24/7 whereas someone with bipolar disorder can go through periods of symptom-free wellness for days, weeks, or even years before falling into say a major manic episode. Our mood swings and episodes are also shorter and tend to run on patterns or are a direct reaction to life’s typical stressors—we can have multiple mood swings and episodes within a single day, whereas folks with bipolar disorder have seemingly no warning before an episode that can last months. Also while any form of mental illness (particularly ones that have to do with mania or delusions or hallucinations) can impact your relationship with people, typically people with bipolar disorder don’t have the same problems with interpersonal relationships like people with BPD do. (I hope I don’t sound like I’m “down selling” bipolar disorder or anything, truthfully I’m just not knowledgeable enough to feel comfortable speaking on it but I do know that these are some of the differences between the two and that BPD and bipolar disorder are often misdiagnosed as each other.)

Anyways y’all, BPD is a really serious disorder. Most of the time we’re people that are considered high functioning because it’s a disorder that affects emotions and relationships and sometimes that only seemingly affects our personal and social lives and not our professional or academic lives.

We’re typecast as dramatic and manipulative and attention seekers. I’d personally argue that we aren’t (for the most part) but our behavior can get really poor and we can feel desperate and enslaved by our emotions. We can’t really help it but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold us accountable if we act horribly. The point of this is just that if you want to write about this disorder or cast a character with it, try to understand beyond what you’ve seen or heard portrayed by people who don’t have to live with it.

BPD is usually treated with cognitive behavioral therapy but it’s not at all uncommon to have medication as treatment of some of your symptoms or to be hospitalized for it. Personally I used to be on antipsychotics to help stabilize my moods and it was good but not a cure-all, of course. There is no cure for BPD.

This post is also known as: stop writing Kent Parson as an angsty piece of shit 2k18. I might accept BPD!Parse fics if he’s super excited and manic and forms intense bonds with people and doesn’t want to let them go but also BPD sucks so don’t romanticize it too much but also hello I love Kent Parson