#takes me so long to do at my current skill level. i should just get good frfr /hj)

[picklesthenonbeanary]

probably gonna do more art dump posts because i have so many random doodles that i just havent' been posting and its been stacking up but like i don't wannapost them all at once? probably gonna queue them and post them over the next few days but i'm gonna do one more today cuz i feel like it hehe

[ihavenoideawhatiamdoingjustgay2]

need me some ruan mei x reader in my life

Your Glacier Love

Genre : Sad

Summary : Upon your arrival you find someone who catches your eye, what shall happen?

Notes : Ruan Mei x Reader, can be read as platonic, angst, somewhat fluff, Reader has ADHD, sad, not very proud of this but anyways, if it gets enough attention I'll maybe write a happy end route lol, made the header myself

Word count : 3,022

Take me to AO3

Your guide lifted his hand, pointing towards the pentagon. "And this is Madame Hertas office.", he explained "You better not go in there, unless called for. Or if the ship is burning down."

You swallow, clutching onto your little box, holding papers, documents and of course your research. "Ive heard she's an intimidating woman.", you confess.

A nervous chuckle leaves him. "Yeah...not everyone can handle our great madam Herta."

The door opened with a wiring sound and you were pulled aside.

"Carefull...", he mumbled, but you didn't listen to what he said next, you had found someone to admire. A young woman had stepped out, her silky chestnut brown hair was neatly put up. Then there were her eyes, so cold, you were afraid to lose yourself in them, that sligth frown on her face, the blush on her cheeks, probably from working. Oh, it made her so beautiful. But she was gone whithin a blink, only leaving a faint smell of cake behind her.

"Who's she?", you breathed, not knowing if he heard you, not caring, your eyes were trained on finding her and then they focused on her swishing hair.

He looked at you, the. at her. A grin spread on his face. "Madam Ruan Mei, number eigthy-one in the genius society. She's also somewhat new to the station."

You stepped forward, trying to sneak a peak as she walked down those stairs."What does she do?"

His hands were stuck in the pockets of his white coat. "Biology."

You grabed the railing, watching her converse with her colleagues.

"She wants to create an Eon."

Your heart nearly pounced out if your chest. "An Eon...that is a mad pursuit."

You crocked your head, trying to keep her in your eye as long as possible. "How extraordinary."

"One way to put it...", he mumbled. She cut a corner and was now completely separated from your view. You sighed, leaning your head on your arms. You had no chance, it was obvious and you didn't seem to remotely be at her skill level...you sighed, yet another hallway crush to which you'd never talk to.

"...she does need an assistant."

That made your head perk up. "She does?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. I overheard that she wouldn't have something against one as of current...and since you also study life forms, well, your research could somewhat match up."

Your self-restraint was really being tested rigth now. You stumbled a bit forward, towards him, instead of jumping up and down, you could do that in your room. "Really?"

He nodded. "Though, she does have high expectations and she's not easy to talk to for most people."

You could manage and even if she really was just a hallway crush, this could be a great learning opportunity!

"So what do I have to do?"

He smiled, taking you along. "Ok, so first..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You've listened to the murmering of elevators for some time now, maybe even to long. You gulped. You hadn't been told that the ship had a basement, or, a "Seclusion Zone", if you wanted to be specific. The Elevator shook, making you stumble. You nearly dropped the cake and your research.

"Aeons!", you swore, but your attention was soon diverted by the dark corridors in front of you. You gulped loudly and the sound echoed of off the metal walls. But, you have come this far. You straightened your back, had your chest pop out and pull your shoulders back. It was just a basement. You retraced the way in your mind. You had taken the first elevator, then the second and had then gone to the elevator at the back of the elevator, now you were going rigth. Easy as that. Her break should start soon, or 'Break' after your newly acquired friend, she didn't really take breaks, she only came up two times a day to get sweets and water. You looked at the watch on your wrist rigth when the automatic door opened and before you knew it your ass was flat on the ground, having bumped into the one you were lookomg for.

The only thing that was saved from the chaos would be the cake, which she had somehow managed to grab of your hands.

"I'm sorry Madam Ruan Mei.", you blushed, gathering your papers, wishing the earth would swallow you whole and for you to be never heard from again. Esspecially when she bend down to grab one the papers that were just out of reach. You watched her pupils move from left to rigth, slowly, as if she didn't want to miss one precious letter...you wanted her to look at you like that.

"Research on biomic lifeforms...how interesting.", her hand extended to you and you tried to not be to fast, to not snatch it away and hide it in your folder. You wished you were a paper in one of her folders.

"Uhm...", you got back on your feet. "Thank you, Miss."

"I assume you wish to become my assistant?" She took a bite from the blue cake.

You nodded. She hummed, more likely because of its taste. "Very well."

She turned on her heel, walking back into her laboratory with confident strides. You followed with no questions. She sat down, working on the tablet.

"So...am I your assistant?"

She looked up at you, nearly staring into your soul, you looked away out of discomfort. "I'm afraid that I prefer to work alone.", She scooped up a little bit of the icing to inspect it. Your breath hitched.

"Well, it's not only me helping you, it would also help me, working for a genius member is a great honor! I- uhm, I'd appreciate it. You are so far in the studying of lifeforms and your papers are amazing.", you felt the heat rise in your cheeks as you kept talking, you had planned a whole speech, but apparently that was useless now. She meanwhile flipped through your documents, the papers, your CV. She closed it with a sigh, licking the icing off.

"I do not like being disappointed.", she expressed. "I have great projects to work on and I expect nothing but secrecy and the will to learn. Honesty is important too."

"I am. I can keep secrets. And I wanna learn.", your heart was beating so quickly, you thougth it was about to run away.

She stood up, taking the cake with her. "So, there you have your answer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You slam the stack of papers onto the table. "You think she's going easy on me?", you crack your back. "Thanks for coming down here, by the way."

Your friend flipped through the infinite amount of pages. "I think she wants to kill you..."

You shrug, sitting down. "I'm an idiot...", you mostly were supposed to analyze some of the data and prepare reports. There were also some manuscripts you were supposed to fact check. You dropped your head on them, a low thunk sounded from it and you whined. "I can't do this."

A familiar whiring sound reached your ears, your head lifted and back straightened when you heard the familiar click of high shoes. It was Ruan Mei herself.

"Hello there Madame, do you require me to do more work?"

She shakes her head. "No. I just wanted to tell you that I will not be in my laboratory for a few days due to the simulated universe.", she looked down at your stack. "I need those untill the end of the week."

You nod. It was Wednesday.

Her eyes looked at your coffee, a gentle smile on her face.

"Do get enough sleep.", she turned around. You sighed dreamily when the door closed back up.

"She smiled at me."

"When did she smile at you?!"

"She told me to get enough sleep.", you leaned on your hand as you swung your legs. Did she care? She probably just didn't want you to make any mistakes...still though. You turned the first Page. She did care, in her own way, even if your friend did not want to realize it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You slammed the papers down on the table.

"They're finished.", your eye was twitching, your hair was partially blocking your view, you must look mad. Reasonably so. You had worked through the day untill you were finished with the last few papers. Your body was feeling heavy, your bones were stone.

She looked over her shoulder. Nothing screamed exhausting about her, but you knew better. The creases on her clothes were telling and her hair was sligthly frizzy. She looked down, tossed her ponytail. She was in front of you within a few steps.

"Are you sure they are done properly, though?", she looked up at you through her eyelashes.

You pushed some of your hair out of your face. "Wh- what do you mean?"

She stepped closer. "You smell of coffee and...", she put her hand against your forehead. "you have a heigthend body temperature."

You wanted to make a stupid joke in order to cover your blush, but the fact that you saw black and toppled over the table didn't make it easy.

"That's what I thougth.", she sighed, leading you towards a bench. "You took your pills, that mixed with the coffee overloaded your body. Also the hyperfocus you probably had on your task...", she pulled a blanket over you as you groaned. "Now, you are experiencing the crash."

She mumbled the next few words.

"I should not have doubted your enthusiasm or capability..."

Her heels clicked against the floor as she made her way to your work. "I will need these now, you rest and tell me if you need something."

You blinked, sligthly confused, but taking up on the offer...it was good for you that she was no real fan of big ligths either, preferring the soft glow of the experimental containers or any of her electronicall devices.

You pulled your legs a bit closer, despite the effort. It was entertainment enough to watch her, you'd smile whenever there was an annoyed crease in her usually calm face.

"Did you have any other assistants before?"

She wetened her finger to flip a page. "They mostly left after about two months."

"Could they not handle your heat?"

She looked confused now. "What heat? They could just not keep up with my demands."

"But they are reasonable.", you pointed out, chuckling.

"Exactly.", her voice grew more quiet. Recognizing that she needed to work, you went silent. It was funny, the things that can happen in two months.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You leaned your head against the earth, the plants, something inside you said it was kinda nasty, but you did not listen, being to preoccupied with Ruan Meis hair, brushing through it. It reached down to her upper thigh. You cherished the view. Her eyes were concentrated as she looked at the little creation hidden within the grass, humming at her.

"I'm sure it will work next time.", you assured, though it seemed to be no comfort for her, she continued staring as if it was an insect. "Ruan?"

"I failed.", she said. "Was there something with the numbers? Can you bring the papers to me?"

"Ruan-"

"I need to see what went wrong."

You sighed, to then comply. You watched her flip through them, spread each one out ib front of her. You both went over them, correcting numbers, trying different ones. She put her hair up halfway, her sad feelings having been pushed aside by determination.

Soon enough, well, a month or so, you stood back in front of the machine, watching her pull the components together. The critter had died quickly after its creation, which had been predictable, but this one would be healthier, live longer. The initial exams would show so, though you did not know that yet. The sound of compression sounded, to then reveal an adorable cake creature, wording, then hoping down.

"It's not perfect, but, this one will live longer and...you did amazing.", she looked down on it, then let her gaze drift to you. It hoped towards a few other experiments.

Her mouth was drawn in a thin line, her eyebrows pulled down.

Two hours later she'd stand in front of you, telling you she had to leave.

"What- but- why?"

Her voice was colder than you've gotten used to, her whole demeanor reverted to back to your earlier days, when she tried getting rid of you, in her own unique way. Tough luck that you were persistent.

She did not answer.

"Did I do something wrong? Did something happen? Please tell me-"

"It is for the best.", she picked up her tablet. "I need to do some other research. In the meantime you can continue to work on your own projects..." she gathered her work, you followed.

"This is very sudden. And I have no other projects as of current, I am your assistant-" she pressed a paper into your chest without another word.

"You had ideas. Work on them."

"Ruan-"

She walked away from you, standing on top of the staircase. A small smile was painted on her lips, but you knew that it wasn't real. "And I hope you'll get to work on even more projects in the future. You will be good on your own."

You felt your heart skip a beat. "Are you...firing me?", saying it made you feel dizzy and you had to hold onto something.

"I am doing what is best for all parties involved."

Your ears were ringing and there was that feeling, deep in your stomach. When the door closed and the click-clack sound dissapeared you felt tears drip down your cheeks. You put your hand over your mouth, covering your sobs, praying that the critters wouldn't wake up. They were napping on on of the benches.

"What did I do wrong?", you asked, looking up, imaging the stars above. "What did I do wrong?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your gaze was set beyond the stars. Your left hand rested on a star map, it had something to do with your new project, stars, now, it did not sound biological, but truly, it was.

"Are you still sad, about what happend?"

You hadn't heard the footsteps, yet you didn't jump up at the sound of the voice. You looked at your friend for a bit, before gazing back out. "I'm just doing work." Your expression was pensive. He teased you about it, untill, well, you know. About how you started to copy her. But what could one expect after three years of working together?

He sighed. "It's been nearly four months, there are other positions out there-"

"Do you seriously think it's about that?!", you wheeled towards him. "All this time? Did you think that?"

He stood there, pity on his face. "No, of course not...but what do you think it was?"

Your shoulders dropped and you looked at him in disbelief.

He gestured somewhat of a confused circle with his hand, as if he was building up the courage. "I mean...did you...love her?"

And that tensed you rigth back up. You took a step back. "I don't know...maybe?", you thougth back to...everything, those sake filled nigths, her hand accidentally brushing yours, the creation of all those little critters. The critters. "I have to go." You mumbled, taking your card and tablet. "I'll be in my room."

You didn't see how he was shaking his head.

Sometimes you'd still check on them. Your hand drew over a little tail, peeking from its little shell. The being was mewling, thanking you for being there, but it was still sad about its other creators absence.

"I miss her too.", you said, patting it's sad head. "More than you'd know."

More of the little beings would gather around you, drowning you, weighing you down, your eyelids felt heavy too, have they settled in there? You chuckled googly at the thougth, before your vision grew black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A grumble grew from your mouth as you listened to the insistent, yet slow, typing.

"Turn it off."

A chuckle. "I'm afraid such a thing isn't possible. I need to finish this."

You ripped your eyes open. "Ruan?"

Her hand found your head rigth away, she carefully went through your hair, you leaned into the familiar motion, having it lead your head back on to the table. "How are you here?"

She sighed, her hand slowed down. "My research had to be cut short. There were some technical difficulties. There also seems to be an issue with the planet in a whole, but that shall be taken care of rather quickly.", she took her hand back to the Keyboard, typing, and there was that pensive look on her face.

"What is on your mind?", you sat up, taking the old blanket with you.

She stared at the screen for a while, opening her mouth one or two times. You waited, your arms crossed on the table. Who thougth the Genius Member 81 would have trouble articulating her emotions?

"It seems that...I've grown accustomed to your presence.", she was a little blurry around the edges, but you didn't mind. "When I was looking through my papers, I saw your writing and...it bothered me. That you weren't there."

Your head was back on the table oh and how nervous she seemed, you could feel it, beyond those knitted eyebrows and cold eyes. "I missed you too. And...I think that I've grown quite fond of you."

She leaned her head on her hand. Her other one was tapping against the table. Then she grinned and your heart flourished. "It seems we've reached an agreement then." Everything turned into a ligth pink and the background blurred.

She turned back to her typing, you felt a hand in your hair, despite the fact that she was typing with it. But it did not matter, you still fell asleep.

You may cry big tears when you woke up, gathering the critters to take them with you, but this was now and she was here.

Your beautiful Ruan Mei.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In case you want to read more of my works

[ssivinee]

✧Original Visual✧

Irene x Aespa! 96’ liner! F reader:  In the industry, beautiful idols aren’t uncommon. Your beauty was on the next level, all the 4th gen knew. But what if a certain 3rd-generation original visual begins to notice you due to a V-live you did?

Word Count: 1.4k

Note: Simple fic since I may not be able to write much today🥲

Character Vision Board

Choi Y/n, the oldest member of Aespa, was known for many things. Her dance skills, rap skills, composing, and even music production. She’s even the older sister of TXT member Choi Yeonjun.

But if you were to ask the K-pop community and idol industry what she was known for, it was her visuals. Y/n had a powerful gaze, sharp jawline, plump lips, and currently, oxford blue hair that cascaded down her back, ending right above her hips.

One dull day, Karina and Y/n were in SM’s dance studio. It was their day off, and despite being happy about that, the two members didn’t know what to do with their day, so they just decided to go to the company building and chill there.

The two girls wore similar outfits: grey sweats, a basic cropped hoodie, and sneakers. They lay on the black couch, just staring at the ceiling.

"Unnie~, I’m bored~"

"Jimin-ah... so am I."

The two looked at each other as Karina laid her head on Y/n’s lap, trying to figure out how to make time go by faster.

“Wait, what if we do a live?” Karina jumps into action, going to get the company phone, “you finally came up with an idea after so long.”

“You could’ve thought of it yourself!” Y/n chuckles as the girl sticks her tongue out, returning with another phone.

They take a tripod phone stand, attach it, and begin the V-live. After waiting a few minutes for MY to join, they finally had about 5k viewers, so they decided to start.

“Hello, guys,” Y/n stares at the chat while her and Karina wave.

“AESPA’S VISUAL LINE?”

“What did we do to deserve your guy’s grace today?”

“Y/n and Karina’s duo is something I didn’t know I needed.”

“Clap twice if you wanna leave SM.”

Y/n laughed at the several comments she saw, especially the English ones. “You guys know how to make me laugh.”

“We were bored, so we just decided to go on V-live to talk to you guys,” the younger stated, and spam of hearts came from the chat. The two keep reading and begin to read some questions.

“What song are you guys obsessed with at the moment?”

“Spicy by Aespa,” Karina said, making Y/n look at her like she was crazy, “Okay, self-promo.”

“Unnie, that’s how it should be. We’re idols, man,” Y/n laughs at Karina’s statement, hitting her lightly as it was a habit when she found things funny. “Anyways, for me, it would probably have to be Unforgiven & Fire in the Belly by Le Sserafim. They killed it on their album.” Karina nods in agreement.

“Dance Unforgiven? Guys, I haven’t learned the choreography.”

“She’s lying~ She knows it from TikTok,” Karina exposes her in a tattle-tale tone. “Wha~, no way you outed me like that,” the younger shrugs, followed by a giggle. “Do it, unnie.”

“Fine,” Y/n gets up to go to the computer. She ensured everything was connected before playing a few seconds before the chorus. “You guys ready for unnie to slay?” Karina says, and Y/n begins to dance the chorus. Effortlessly, she jumps with a bunny-like hand, then turns her fingers into horns and repeats, doing the same steps.

Once she finishes, the leader goes, “See, I told you she’s a liar. She knew the dance.” Y/n sits back down next to her, slapping Karina’s shoulder, which causes the girl to act like it hurts.

The live went on for 3 hours, and a lot happened. The girls talked, danced, and even sang songs. Now fans had a compilation of them dancing to ‘Kick It’ by NCT 127, ‘Wannabe’ by ITZY, ‘Hype Boy’ by New Jeans, ‘Hey Mama’ by the SWF dance challenge, and more.

Nearing the end, they decided to take one final request, “Psycho by Red Velvet sunbaenim?” When Karina read the comment, Y/n rushed to the computer and played the instrumental version. “Wait, we’re singing to it as well?”

“Yes! I love this song way too much to not sing it.”

The two got in place, and once the song began, Karina focused on dancing while Y/n did the adlibs perfectly. Comments start to go wild over her voice.

“Y/n drank the SM water again.”

“Ain’t no way she hitting Wendy’s notes????”

“Sub-vocal of Aespa, everyone!”

Y/n joins in on the dance now, and the two begin switching lines back and forth, creating a live vocal performance of the song. The second verse begins to hit, Y/n gets hyped and raps, “Hey trouble 경따윈 없이 오는 너, I’m original visual, 우린 원래 이랬어 yeah.” Karina joins her in singing the iconic one-liner. Then the comments go crazy again.

“4TH GEN ORIGINAL VISUALS YUH.”

“Wha~ the rap suits her.”

“I need a collab with Aespa’s visual line and Irene.”

As the song ends, the two are out of breath and fall to the ground. The echoing dance studio now echoed with their heavy breathing, “Sorry guys, we went a bit overboard,” Y/n tells them as the two drink their waters.

“No, you didn’t. It was amazing!”

“I need a live stage version stat.”

“Joohyun-ssi would be proud.”

“I think that’s it for us, you guys. We’ll do a V-live soon with the other members,” Karina tells the chat, and as fans spammed bye, she ended the stream.

“I’m pooped, man.”

“Same.”

The two get up and prepare to head back to their dorms. Once in the van, Y/n stays on her phone while Karina takes a quick nap. She then gets a notification from Instagram, which she questions. That would only mean an idol was texting her, but it would mean they’re an idol she never spoke to before since they didn’t message her regularly.

Looking at her DMs, shocked was an understatement. The Bae Joohyun had texted her, and once she opened the chat, she wanted to throw her phone out of the car.

Irene texted, ‘Wow, Y/n-ssi, you're a beautiful dancer. Thank you for rapping my lines and doing justice to our song.’

...

BEAUTIFUL DANCER?!

Y/n and the Aespa members were reasonably close to certain SM idols, mainly female idols, due to Y/n, Karina, and Winter being in Got The Beat. One specific idol she never got the chance to interact with was the one who was texting her right now.

‘It’s an honor, sunbaenim. I’m glad it got your approval,’ Y/n sends. She was frantic, not knowing what to say, ‘An honor? Your sound so corny, c’mon.’ Before she could even unsend the message, texting bubbles began to pop up.

Oh dear, she saw it. ‘Y/n-ah. No need to be so formal. Just call me Joohyun-unnie.’

If you thought this couldn’t make it any worse for Y/n, it did. She freaks out and has to do breathing exercises to calm herself down.

‘Okay, unnie! May I ask how you knew about the cover?’

‘Ah, the clips circulated very fast, lol.’

Y/n smiled to herself. She was texting someone she thought was untouchable in the industry. The car stops, and she notices they’re in front of their dorm. “Jimin-ah, wake up, we’re here,” she wakes the younger in a delicate tone.

At another dorm, the older woman lay in bed watching the Psycho cover multiple times. “Unnie, do you have my sweater? The red one?” Irene heard Seulgi’s voice.

“Yeah, it’s in here on my chair!” She hears the dancer’s footsteps, and as Seulgi enters the room, she hears the Psycho clip, catching her attention as well.

“What are you watching?” The younger lay on her paid, peaking at her phone to see the familiar girls. “Y/n and Jimin did a cover of Psycho, even singing to it,” Irene shows her the phone, and Seulgi smiles at the two girls.

“I’m not surprised. They’ve always been excellent,” she stands up and takes her sweater. “That reminds me to text them soon.”

Irene says, “You think I can have Y/n’s number?” Seulgi looks at her leader with suspicious eyes.

“Sure,” Seulgi sends your number to Irene, but before she leaves, she asks the latter, “Can I ask why?”

“I just want to get to know her. Is that so bad?” Irene says as she adds your number to her contacts and in a sarcastic tone, “Right, that’s the reason, unnie.”

Irene rolled her eyes as Seulgi left. She wasn’t lying when she said she wanted to get to know you, but Seulgi knew her unnie too well to know that that wasn’t the only reason. Irene thought you were gorgeous, sexy, and very charismatic.

She’d never admit that to her members, though. Maybe she would after she and Y/n establish a bond.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam. I finally bit the bullet and decided to get an evaluation for adhd. (yay!) My test is scheduled in a couple weeks, but I had an intake appointment a couple days ago and the doctor I saw sent me an MMPI test to do online ahead of time. (boo.)

I hate this thing so much. There’s over 500 questions and she said it would take 45-60 minutes to complete, but I’ve spent that long just waffling over the first 75 questions so far. There are so many generalizations and binary thinking type questions, and the longer I stare at this paralyzed with indecision between two wrong answers, the more I start to feel like they are going to come back with some other kind of neurodivergent label for me.

I was told the in person testing is supposed to take 4-6 hours, but I’m getting worried that it’s going to be much worse than that given the rate I’m currently going at. Do you have any advice for getting through these? I do recall that you’ve previously said to always answer as if you didn’t have your current coping mechanisms in place.

Also, thanks for talking about all this stuff so candidly and informatively. It’s been an inspiration and a big part of why I decided to finally get tested myself. Even if this does end up telling me and I’m different flavor of nd, I’m looking forward to hopefully having a little more insight as to how my mind works.

Hey Anon, apologies this reply wasn't as prompt as it could be! Hopefully it's still posting before your evaluation. Congrats on setting that up, it can be really hard to do.

The personality categorization tests are really dreadful for lots of people, if that helps, but especially for people who are either more literal minded or extremely adaptable, because we all know a lot of behavior depends on context or on comfort level. For what it's worth, the rest of the eval shouldn't be like that. They may put you through The Questionnaire, which is a roughly twenty minute list of questions about behavior, but even then that should be easier because it's asking you mostly to recall actions you've already done.

I would recommend when you have your evaluation, bring up your struggle with the MMPI. Remember that your goal is not to get A Specific Diagnosis, it's to get the correct one, and the more info they have, the more likely that is. Be as honest as you can within the difficult confines of a process that wants to categorize things that are very difficult to measure.

The in person testing will involve much more unambiguous testing -- lots of problem solving, memorizing, clicking buttons when prompted, etc. none of it is hard; some might be stressful but just remember you're there to demonstrate your real skills and abilities. There's no way to pass or fail any of these tests. Think of them as games if that helps. I enjoyed the process as a challenge :)

And good luck! I hope it goes well for you. Bring a snack and a water bottle and if you feel unsure about something remember it's totally okay to ask for clarity. You'll do just fine.

[papaya-queen]

Soo I was looking at the future line up possibility for Prema… I thought I could share my thoughts.

Ollie Bearman – Announced to drive for Haas F1. Pretty predictable after his performance in Jeddah. Baky confirmed that he is ready for F1 and for the car he’s gonna get.

Kimi Antonelli – Announced to drive for Mercedes F1. It was almost certain with Toto pushing him. I’m kinda worried we’ll end up with a Logan type of situation but I’m still confident in his skills.

Arvid Lindblad – Announced to drive for Campos F2. It appears that Redbull Junior team and Campos have some sorts of arrangements so it’s a logical thing.

PREMA 2025 LINE-UP

F2

Gabriele Mini – Remarkable drive this season, I’m still gutted about the championship. Prema will likely keep him.

Dino Beganovic – I know it’s unlikely, the streets are saying that he’s going to less expensive team because of a lack of fund. But Prema might still try to keep him since they don’t have anyone else to sign in F2. (I’m trying to manifest it)

F3

Rafael Camara – He is absolutely crashing the FRECA championship so it’s just a logical step up for him. Plus, the Ferrati Driver Academy seems to be close with Prema.

James Wharton – He is in a really good position in the FRECA championship and has already made his F3 debut.

Alex Powell/Freddie Slater – Okay so this the complicated part. Freddie is MaxVerstappen2023-ing the Italian F4 championship and should go directly to F3. But he doesn’t have an academy backing… I think it’s by choice and good for him but without an academy backing him, trying to skip a level might be hard. So, my second guess is Alex Powell. Mercedes junior since a long time, he made his debut in single seater this year in Italian f4 and has shown really good results. He has multiple podiums in overall championship, several rookie wins, he is now leader of the rookie championship and 5th in overall. For comparison, Arvid Lindblad had 8 rookie wins, 4 pole positions and 6 wins in the whole season. Right now, with still two rounds left, Alex has 8 rookie wins, 5 podiums and 1 pole position. My other argument is that Mercedes might not want two drivers in the same championship which leads me to the next point.

FRECA

Rashid Al Dhaheri/Kean Nakamura Berta – Rashid had a good performance from him in F4. Good contender for a freca seat. Kean also had a really good performance especially for a rookie and with the help of Alpine he might go up.

This is where it gets complicated again.

Doriane Pin and Maya Weug could continue F1A since they are only in their first season. But they both had FRECA experience (Doriane currently, Maya in 2023 plus a round this year), and looking at their results in F1A this year, they could manage a transition towards FRECA. Doriane is likely to do so, continuing with Iron Dames or maybe switching to Prema. Maya could maybe transition with PREMA also.

And this where my point from earlier could take place. If Doriane continues in FRECA, Alex might not be on the FRECA line up especially if she continues with PREMA. Mercedes might not want two drivers in the same championship.

So third seat, either Alex Powell/Freddie Slater– So for the first two it’s the same argument as before. Freddie might not be able to jump directly to F3 and Alex might go here if Freddie get the seat.

F4

Honestly here guys, I have no idea. Tomass is likely to stay maybe with Kean and Dion. Prema might do the same as they did recently with Oleksandr Bondarev and bring Luna Fluxa in after she turn 15.

F1 Academy

Tina Haussman – Likely to stay for a second season. She hasn’t had the best luck in this season so she couldn’t prove her talent.

Nina Gademan – she’s likely to take a seat in F1A after her impressive debut.

??

So yeah, that was my little rant about Prema. Feel free to reblog or comment to add your opinion.

[theformulaimagines]

Silver Soul | Prologue

You keep your distance with a system of touch and gentle persuasion, I'm lost in admiration. Could I need you this much? Oh, you're wasting my time…you’re just, just, just wasting time…

Pairing: Hwang Jun ho x fem!reader

Plot: A boat, a love poem, and a rejection lead to something neither one of you would've anticipated.

Warnings: mentions of blood, having a crush (its the worst), people arguing, tension

Rescuing a man not only from drowning but also from bleeding out wasn’t something you were taught back in sailing school.

„You saved my life.“, he had said, making you flinch. You looked up and through the window of the companionway. „You‘re…welcome?“, you responded taking a sip of your coffee. „Do you think you could maybe help me out again?“

Becoming his assistant and shipping him around just so he could try to locate a specific island also wasn’t something you felt prepared for. Yet, you couldn’t say no to him when he returned from the hospital.

You sigh while glancing at the sky. It‘s getting dark again. Another day went by, and still, you weren’t able to find what Junho was searching for. A part of you was starting to believe that maybe there was no island to begin with. „We should eat.“, you hear his voice from behind, and when you turn you merely nod. Junho was a reserved man, he only talked when necessary. That‘s why most meals were spent in silence.

You watch how he stares out the small window at the sky:“ Looks like a storm is brewing…those can either devastate a man or guide him towards what he‘s been looking for.“ His voice was virtually a whisper and you‘re not even sure if you were meant to hear him. Nevertheless, you chuckle quietly. „What?“, he twists his head, brown eyes inspecting your features.

„You‘re a poet now?“

For a moment he doesn’t say anything while his attention moves back down to the bowl in his lap. Then a small smile emerges on his lips: “Maybe.“

„The storm is not going to be too bad.“, you declare, taking a sip of your water:“ The seagulls are still flying relatively high. If they were on our level, I would be much more nervous.“ At your statement, he quickly lifts his head:“ What?“ It makes you smile:“ The birds. They‘re a good indicator of our weather situation. Like a forecast.“ Junho simply nods, nonetheless, he looks at you for a moment too long.

Something had shifted. Maybe it was a consequence of spending too much time together on the boat, but something has been different for a while now. And you wondered if it was a one-sided thing. Does he know how handsome he is?

„What else can you do?“, Junho asks, his voice pulling you back into the current world. “ Besides, foreseeing the weather by looking at the birds and making an actually decent soup.“ You can’t help but smile, which is something he quickly mirrors.

You position your bowl on the floor before tilting your head:“ I don’t know, guess.“ The brunette man chuckles, his voice cracking something open in your chest. „Well…“, he says:“ You were kinda insulting my poetry skills. Do it better than me.“

„Then give me a topic.“

„Love.“

You nearly suffocate on your spit. Junho merely observes you. His gaze lingers on you as if his move was calculated, and his words testing the waters. He was a detective after all, wasn’t he? If he was good at one thing, then it was getting the truth out of somebody.

Quickly you clear your throat before correcting your posture:“ Well, yeah. Okay. Sure.“ Your gaze moves out the window before it falls back on the man in front of you:” Okay, so… Love, love…love… doesn’t it fit like a glove? People claim it’s …something you just know.” Your eyes move down to your hands:” But I think it’s as fleeting as a dove. Sometimes it’s right in front of you, and the way it silently grew. But what do I know? It might all just be one big…blow.”

Silence falls upon you two and for a moment neither of you dares to even breath. The only sound comes from the weaves softly hitting the sides of your boat, the last few seagulls singing their songs before they eventually go to sleep.

„That was…wow.“, he whispers and nods:“ Really good. How- how did you put the words together like that?“ It would’ve made you laugh if you didn’t feel so much shame. „Thanks.“

„Did you think of someone in particular?“

He‘s testing the waters, and he‘s no longer hiding it. There‘s no other reason for a question like that. Not for someone like you. Yet, you shake your head. And for a short second you can see disappointment flash up in his brown eyes:“ I see…“

„Anyway, I should probably take a look at the knots before heading off to bed.“, you blurt out quickly standing up, your eyes everywhere but his face:“ You can already go to the cabin, if you want to.“ And with that you quickly disappear. Junho sighs, a disappointed frown settling on his face.

Thirty minutes later you make your way down the stairs. You make an effort to be as quiet as possible, however, the wood squeaks underneath your two feet. Quickly you change into your sleeping clothes before slipping under the blankets. A heavy breath leaves your lips as you turn away from Junho.

Unbeknownst to you, he has been wide awake. Something was off. He could smell it. And it prevented him from falling asleep. Like a tinnitus. Yeah, you were ringing in his ears like a tinnitus. He turns around.

„Are you awake?“, he whispers.

His sudden voice makes you flinch:“ Jesus Christ…I just got into bed. Well, yeah. I am.“

„You‘re not fooling anyone, just so you know.“

You wrinkle your eyebrows at his remark:“ What’s that supposed to mean?“

„It means you‘re acting weird.“

„No, I‘m not.“, you reply, eyes laser-focused on the wall in front of you. Counting the cracks. You should probably do something against them.

„Yeah? What about that little poem from earlier?“, he says, observing the way your back tenses up. He got you. Like a predator that cornered his prey. „You have been acting strange ever since you’ve came up with it.“

„You asked for a poem, and I gave you one.“

„Something is going on. Don’t lie to me.“

„Stop acting like a police-officer with me.“

„I‘m not acting like a police-officer. I‘m acting like a friend that’s concerned about you. You can’t expect me to just dismiss the fact that you’re clearly hiding something.“

„God, you‘re so annoying.“, you lay on your back now, covering your face with your two hands. Meanwhile, Junho‘s tolerance was wearing thin, his fingers were tightly grasping his blanket:“ I‘m not being annoying, Y/N!“ He slowly sits up and pushes himself against the cold wall:“ I just care about you, alright? I want to make sure that you‘re okay.“

„Oh my god! It was a silly poem!“, you speak. It takes everything in you not to toss every single pillow in his direction:“ I just want to go to sleep, Junho. God.“

„I am not going to let you avoid me like that.“

„Good night, Junho!“, and with that you turn again. Squeezing your eyes shut. Almost as if you’re terrified something will happen if you open them again.

„Stop acting like a child and look at me.“, he takes a deep breath:“ We need to talk!“ You let out a sigh of defeat before once again turning, only to discover that he‘s standing right in front of your bed. Looking down at you with an emotion you can’t identify. Was it … yearning?

„Was that so hard?“, he whispers, voice low and deep:“ Now, will you please…tell me why you‘re avoiding me?“

[stelladess]

I feel like using very powerful operators but your own strategy that you thought of takes more skill then copying exactly one to one a low rarity guide with the same exact timings and operators and everything does.

Ive mentioned before I have played a LOT of yugioh in my life and in trading card game circles there is a term called "netdecking". Where basically you copy another person´s deck (usually from the internet, thereby the "net" part).

There are a lot of reasons why people consider it bad, it being uncreative, stealing another person´s work but the one relevant to my point here is that it requires no understanding of *why* the deck is constructed like it is.

In my opinion the best way to build your deck is to decide on what kind of deck you want, build a cheap but solid enough version of that as you can (konami is making the "cheap" part harder and harder of course but still, on master duel it is still doable for many). And then you play with it. You see what works and what doesnt, you iterate over time, removing cards you end up not having use for and adding stuff that will help your strategy or counter things that gives you trouble. A lot of these things you add may also be engines or staples you can then put into a new deck once your old one has fallen behind from power creep or gotten everything banned, although certain themes are convenient in that they almost always work at least (shaddolls, branded, bystials, tearlaments and zombies are all some of my favorite deck types in part because they are very resistant to getting outdated, dragon combo is another one like that I just do not like using it).

This way you understand why every single card is there. You learn how to use them and WHY you use them instead of some other card. The adjustments you make you know the reasoning that went into. So a netdeck might not be terrible as the first version, but you should iterate on it based on your experience if you do that, and try to think about why the person who made this deck made the decisions they did (I also think this might be a risky starting point because it will likely be much more expensive then the approach I outlined since most really good decks will have a lot of cards that either were already pricy or just shot up in price after that).

If you do not understand your deck you cannot play it well no matter how good the deck is.

I have a similar issue with following guides completely. Watching them and trying to understand why the person who made the strategy does what they do is good, but if you just copy them without trying to get the actual thinking behind the strategy you are just gonna be stuck playing increasingly difficult parts of the game without having had to overcome the challenge to get there.

Chapter 7 is one of my favorite chapters of Arknights from a pure gameplay perspective because it really kicked my ass when I first got to it as a new player. It forced me to see weaknesses in my own roster (no levelled shifters, lacking vanguards, etc). And my favorite map is H12-4 because it presented so many little problems to solve and to beat it was this long process of having to isolate each problem and figure out a solution to it, one that didn't step on the toes of a previous solution for another problem. And sure some of those solutions ended up being "pull for Eyjaberry so I dont have to worry so much about elemental damage" but it still meant I was thinking about what the actual challenges of the map were and how to counter those. But a key thing of H12-4 is that it is a map that no matter how OP your roster gets you still have to use your head to beat. It is the the best boss battle in the entire game by a huge margin currently and I really hope we can get more as good as it in the future.

Anyway I think it is just more interesting to actually solve things by thinking about it yourself. Even if it requires you to use more powerful options then someone who does it with like only 3 and 4 stars and a single 6 star. The people coming up with those strategies are like, experts at the game. And it is far more valuable for a new player to actually learn to play on their own and make their own strategies, the basics, before they can work on gaining a deeper understanding and doing more challenging stuff. It takes time to get to the skill level where you can get the prestige of clearing the hardest maps in the game with no 6 stars or only welfare operators or stuff like that.

[chuckeroo777]

Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka? Daily Life of the Four Spider Sisters: Liveblog 1

Hey! Sorry for the hiatus on the Frieren liveblog. The wizards killing each other arc burned me out a bit. So, I thought I'd jump back into liveblogging with something nice and light.

Kumo Desu has been my hyperfixation for a while, to a comparable extent to my Dungeon Meshi fixation. So, we're gonna go over the silly spinoff, laugh at the jokes, and see what bits of lore might be applicable to the main verse.

I'll probably be discussing all things Kumo Desu in this, so spoiler warning!

Before I get to the spinoff, I noticed the volume 16 cover got added. I love how volume 15 has the grand reveal of her new form, only for her to go back to girlfailing the very next cover.

So, this takes place not long after they escape the middle stratum. They are currently Ede Saines, and the split occurs shortly before inchar sends the others off to attack Mother.

Hmm... makes me wonder how the anime would handle the whole parallel wills turning evil subplot. She successfully ditched them before any foreshadowing could occur.

Ah, the first appearance of the mighty Pekatotts. I can only assume, considering that they were only barely mentioned in the main story, that Baba Okina saw the manga's design for them, and decided, yes. This is comedy gold.

Mmm hmm.

Yeah, this spinoff rapidly gives up on explaining the anachronisms. It's a silly spinoff. Things don't have to make sense.

Look, Kumoko knows how to train for results. It's a hellish ordeal, but effective. Just ask Felmina.

I mean, she isn't wrong. In canon, inchar is the one who ultimately acts as the real one.

Gee, thanks D.

You know, for all the anime's failings, it does do a better job keeping D's identity secret. I feel like if you look at all the dark silhouettes in the manga, it's pretty obvious who she is. Not that I noticed on my first read.

I suppose this is pre-enlightenment Ronandt we're talking about. Look, even Lady White can agree that poses are very important.

Yep, that's Kumoko alright. Curiousity > transitional pain and misery of others.

Why did both the manga and anime white wash my boy Gulie?

You see, the less associated with the system something is, the vaguer the appraisal results. Either that, or D is specifically trolling you. 50/50 really.

Why'd you draw him sexy tho?

Seriously, he doesn't look like that in the main manga.

Look, I can overlook a lot of nonsense, but you expect me to believe that any part of Kumoko's consciousness is a pacifist?

Now, she could have just told them on the phone, or dropped in a note, but now, they get to be reminded of their stupidity every time they appraise themselves!

How do monsters reproduce anyway? Do they actually have male/female variants? Or is it just high level monsters who obtain Egg Laying? We know their biology is at least partially system based, since monsters don't poop.

Yeah, you girls sure picked up on it real fast. Wonder why that might be.

Considering D, these are suspiciously low stakes. After all, they spent, what, an afternoon making it? They can just make another.

Ah, of course. It's part of her greater campaign of being a dick to Gulie.

"What's even the point if everyone but me is happy with the outcome?"

Now this is the sort of nonsense I'm here for.

No no no. This totally breaks the lore. As we know, all skills are in some way combat focused. No way D would allow such a convenient skill to exist. Taxes are such a rich source of suffering.

Also, Kumoko commits tax evasion.

I'd question the timeline, considering it took 35 chapters for Ronandt to arrive, when chapter 1 should occur imminently before this encounter, but since when has the timeline made any sense in any story with multiple pov?

Also, despite the encounter being my favorite scene in the whole story, I can't help but be annoyed that Buirimus survived, now that I know what sort of person he turns out to be.

I know nothing about mahjong, other than that it can double as a tile matching game. Is it like cribbage? I don't know how to play that either.

An oft forgotten aspect of the trolley problem is that a speeding trolley doesn't give you much time for philosophizing.

Uh oh. They're getting genre savvy.

Nevermind all the times that, uh, hasn't been the case.

...I'm starting to think logic is just a lost cause around here.

That's the line you draw?

As we all know, laser blast beats paper.

Starting to think they just need to avoid these guys. This is the second time an Elro Basilisk has created a doomed timeline.

And that's it for session 1! Got a little over halfway, but we'll see how chatty I get once my girl Ariel shows up.

[wrenreid]

Off Limits

Part Twenty-Seven

My freshman year of high school, I was put into a junior level government class. I was only in there because it was the only class that fit into my schedule other than ag classes I couldn’t have been less interested in. I didn’t talk much in the class because everyone was older than me, and they thought I was a kiss up because i always made good grades. I didn’t particularly love the class, but of course, I still did my work and did it well.

Toward the end of the year, we did a mock trial. We drew for positions within the trial, mr flynn the judge. I drew attorney.

The case was a business lawsuit, I was the lawyer who was going against the business for their supposed cruel acts.

Mr. Flynn told us that we would receive extra credit if we dressed up, so me, a fourteen year old with a desperate need for academic validation, borrowed one of my mother’s pencil skirts and a suit jacket from my dad. I looked like a mini Aaron Hotchner, even my mom said so.

I remember preparing for the trial for at least a week, being a little excited about the project. I wanted to win the case, especially since I was, as I believed, on the right side of the law.

My opposing attorney was Noah Kincaid. He was a smart but cocky kid who also cared about winning the trial.

I remember standing up from my desk when is was my turn to ask questions to the kid under oath. I felt as though I had stepped into myself for the first time. It was just a mock trial that lasted half an hour, but I felt proud and confident. I was good at it.

Mr. Flynn pulled me aside after class and told me I should consider law school in the future. He said, and I quote, “The way you handled yourself was the most confident and concise I’ve ever seen in a student. You surprised me, Hotchner.”

I didn’t take it to offense that he said my skills surprised him. In his defense, he’d only heard me talk when I turned in a paper or answered a question, which the latter was usually rare since I didn’t particularly like to “show off” in front of juniors who already thought I was a kiss ass.

I did, however, take his first sentence as a compliment. I was confident and my statements and questions were concise.

I smiled, nodded, thanked him, then left. A lawyer was not on my top five career choices at the time. I didn’t want people to think I was doing it because of my father. I was definitely not. But after some research and a few binge watches of crime shows, I knew I actually did want to be an attorney. Not because of my father but almost in spite of him.

My dad quit his job as a lawyer and took the job Agent Gideon offered him at the BAU. I resented him for it, still do, but that’s besides the point. He wasn’t around much in my most influential years, and at fourteen, I decided I would be a lawyer, and if I happened to have a family, I wouldn’t take a new job that prevented me from being there for them.

So now, I’m currently four weeks away from grad school and three years away from the BAR. And I’m going to rock the shit out of them both. Because I can and because I’m determined. It’s also way less about my unresolved daddy issues now than it was in high school and even some of college, it’s a dream of mine.

Spencer has made it his mission to make sure I enjoy the last month of summer as much as I can. He’s taken me out on a million dates like picnics, movies, late night drives around the city and out into the country, and more every chance he gets between cases.

At least now we don’t have to sneak around and lie about our relationship. Though I was prepared to keep this from my dad for however long necessary, I’m pretty glad we accidentally outed ourselves at my graduation dinner.

My dad cooked a big meal for me, some family, friends, and we invited the team too. Spencer and I didn’t even sit near each other. We barely talked the whole dinner just to be safe.

But as love-sick, horny couples do, when we saw an opportunity to take a minute alone, we did just that.

Having your father catch you making out with a guy will never not be awkward, but when the guy happens to be his employee, it’s fucking weird.

Though, I will say, the look on his face was priceless. I’ve hardly seen him have that much emotion on his face.

After a very awkward, flushed-face, and stuttered explanation from Spencer and me, we were able to calm my father down. He was a lot more excepting than I expected; I think he finally realized he can’t dictate my life, and he saw how happy we are together.

The rest of that dinner consisted of a lot of teasing from Derek Morgan, my brother being grossed out by me having a boyfriend, and everyone asking about law school.

I’m excited and anxious to start the rest of my life as a law student. I’ve prepared for this for nearly 8 years now, and I’m getting closer and closer to my dream career. It’s terrifyingly exciting. I’m grateful to have my family and Spencer by my side through all of this.

hey, so this is it for this story! this is also most likely it for my fanfiction in general.

and for a little life update: i started college a month ago, and i’m adjusting to my new life which has been interesting and scary and fun. im also in a healthy relationship and have been for a while which has been pretty amazing. i hope all my mutuals/ readers are doing well. thank you guys for sticking around :)

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @jazzerbelle14 @kylakins88 @f-me-reid @lovejules888 @marimorena06 @daph-421 @idkusername8787

[starspangledspanks]

In Another Multiverse: Book 2

In Another Multiverse: Book 2

(Hi again lovelies! Please enjoy book 2 to my Coulson series. Events take place in Winter Soldier. After this book things may take their own turn as I progress the characters. NOTHING IS MINE LIKE NOTHING BESIDE MY OWN CHARACTER!!!!)

It had been two years since the events that happened in New York. Two years since I had lost my father. The road had been long and lonely. I had decided in the end to leave New York and throw myself into work. Traveling from place to place doing Furys dirty work. The training was endless but my skills had been honed to perfection. I was a top agent now. 

“Your superiors should not have put you in this position, Widow.” I was currently hanging upside down, hands tied behind my back, this idiot currently interrogating me.

“Widow?” I laughed. “You jackasses don’t even know who you’ve captured.” 

“You are not the widow?” The men looked around confused.

“No dipshit…I’m not.” I rolled my eyes.

“No matter. SHIELD will still come for their precious agent, then we will get what we want.”

“Ok so wait let me get this straight. You thought I was the Black Widow so you captured me banking on the fact that SHIELD would come for me, but now I’m not Widow and you still they’ll come for me but I’m only a level 3 agent so…I wouldn’t hold your breath.” I said lying through my teeth. 

“Shut up!” The man yelled before slapping me across the face. The blood pounding in my cheek as the blood rushed to my head from being upside down.

For a moment I thought back to what had gotten me into this position in the first place. I hated boats, yet here I was in the middle of the sea on a ship that had been taken over by some french jackasses. Swinging upside down with a case of mistaken identity. The loser in charge hadn’t even been down to interrogate me. A loud fluster of activity had shaken me from my daydream before a flash of black came springing into the room and taking down the 3 men who had me tied up. She easily made work of them, her red hair swishing as she kicked ass. When she was done she turned to me with a smirk.

“Nat?” I asked, still swinging.

“Sarah. Good to see you again.” she said coming over to help untie me.

“What the hell are you doing here? They thought I was you.” I said looking down at the men.

“I could ask you the same question,” she said, crossing her arms.

“I was sent here to gather intelligence.” I shrugged.

“So was I…” she trailed.

“Why would Fury send both of us to do the same job?” I asked her as she started to walk away.

“I’m not sure. Rogers thinks this is a standard rescue mission. I’m sure we’ll have to answer to him later.” 

“Rogers?” I asked, thoughts trailing off again. After New York we had had a lovely date, we talked for hours. 

~

“So what was Brooklyn like when you were younger?” I asked as we strolled the walkway of the bridge. After the attack it was basically empty. People still in fear to leave their homes so soon after the attacks.

“It was a lot quieter, less people, things were simple…” he said hands in his pockets.

“Sometimes I wish things could be simple. Simple is good.” I smiled breathing in the air. It still smelled like sulfur from all the gun fire just a few days before.

“Have you thought some more about what you’re gonna do?” he asked, hands in his pockets.

“I talked to a realtor. She said with everything going on people are going to be looking for none destroyed houses. I think I’m gonna sell and drop of the face of the earth for a while…” he shot me a sympathetic smile.

“No more SHIELD?”

“I don’t know. I can’t help but feeling like maybe Dad would’ve wanted something more for me. A life, kids… But then another part of me thinks he’d want me to become some super badass and kick butt for a living.” I giggled.

“Hard to know what your fighting for if you don’t have a reason.” he answered.

“And what’s your reason?” I asked.

~

“Earth to Sarah,” Nat said, waving a hand in front of my face. I hadn’t even realized we’d made it to the control room.

“Sorry, I’m in my head all the sudden. I’ll snap out of it.” I said.

“I’m gonna back up these files. If Fury is after something we should be able to get it directly from here.” She said pushing the stick into the computer before hacking into the system.

“So what was your thing here,” she said, gesturing to the computer.

“My directive was to accompany the crew to their destination and gather whatever files I could on those onboard. Fury was suspicious there was a plant. I was doing just fine until these pirates showed up. I fought my ass off but there was too many for me to handle before they drugged me. They thought I was you,” I laughed.

“A plant?”

“You know you can’t ask Fury questions, Nat.” I said putting my hands on my hips. We were interrupted by a large mass falling through the door, the dark figure knocking out the man on the ground before standing up to look at us.

“Well this is awkward,” Nat said, smiling at him. Steve's form looked larger than I had remembered. His suit now dark, his eyes darker.

“Backing up the hard drive, it’s a good habit to get into,” she joked.

“Rumlow needed your help, and what the hell are you doing here?” he said, coming to stand in front of me, his dark eyes falling to my face.

“Getting my ass saved by you guys apparently.” I stated. His eyes flicked to the computers.

“You’re saving SHIELD intel.”

“As much as we can get our hands on.” I said.

“Our mission was to rescue hostages.” He said.

“No, that was your mission, this was ours.” Nat said, handing me the stick after pulling it out. “And you’ve done it beautifully.” she smirked. She turned to leave before he grabbed her by the arm.

“You two just put this whole mission in jeopardy.”

“I think that’s over-stating things.” She answered.

“I was here to do this before you even came. The only reason you're here is because these wanna be pirates.” I stated. He shot me a dark look. Batroc suddenly jumped up, tossing a grenade at us. We all jumped different directions, Steve and Nat landing through a window in the meeting room, me behind a large desk across the room. The force of the explosion sent me back into my thoughts from earlier.

~

“What do you mean you can’t do this?” Steve asked, gesturing between the two of us. After our date we had been almost inseparable. He had helped me with everything after my dads death from the funeral to the cleaning of the house. I could feel my heart growing for him and I was terrified. We surely couldn’t be involved with the lives we lived. Fury had offered me a position in DC that morning. I didn’t have the heart to tell Steve I was leaving, that I had feelings for him, so breaking things off was the only logical option before I fell for him.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore Steve.” I said hauling the bag into my car.

“I just don’t understand. Yesterday everything was fine and now you're acting like you’re leaving,” he said gesturing to my packed bags sitting in the trunk.

“Steve, we've been together non-stop for weeks. I think we both need to find our own paths.” I said leaning against the open truck, arms crossed. 

“What happened to something simple?” he quipped.

“You and I both know that life isn’t possible for us… You need to go figure things out. Get more in touch with this century. I can’t help you do that anymore, I have to move on…” I said.

“So you are leaving.” he snapped.

“I need to be on my own for a while… get my head straight.”

“So you don’t feel anything for me then?” he asked.

“Steve-”

“No, I get it. You can’t admit that there might actually be something here so you’re running.” he said gesturing between the two of us. All I could do was hang my head. He had clocked my game, not that it was a good one to begin with.

“I-I’m sorry…” I said walking to him and looking up at his beautiful eyes. Eyes that now had watched me as I had shared so many of my secrets. Eyes that knew me. He reached out quickly, grabbing my face before kissing me deeply. I felt so many emotions portrayed through it that it made my eyes water in sadness. This poor man had been through so much and I was just leaving him. I was an awful person. He pulled back looking for something in my expression that was anything but sadness. But there was nothing. Only the need to protect my own heart. He nodded his head then, knowing that nothing had changed for me.

“You have a nice life Sarah..” he trailed, taking a step back. I hesitated for a moment, before turning back towards the car and opening the door. Shooting him one more glance before getting in and driving to my new life in DC.

~

“Coulson!” I heard a shout over the flames in the room.

“I’m good,” I said, snapping out of my stupor and pushing my sore body off the floor. The entire ride back to DC was eerily quiet. I hadn’t seen Steve in a year and a half. He was bigger somehow then I remembered. No doubt training and combat fine tuning his skill like they had mine. Nat sat across from me, her gaze back and forth between me and the Captain.

“So like, what’s the story here?” She said pointing to the two of us.

“There’s no story.” Steve snapped, arms crossed over his chest. She shot me a knowing glance and I sheepishly returned a smile and a small shrug. When we landed in DC, we all filed out of the jet in awkward silence. Before Nat turned to me.

“Drinks soon?” she asked.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” I smiled before she turned and left. I turned to walk the other direction but rather bumped into a large wall of muscle. Steve was standing there like a statue, a disapproving look on his face.

“Sir?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Cut the bullshit, why were you really on that ship?”

“I told you. Fury wanted intel, I was there to get it until I got jumped.”

“I don’t believe it. Why would Fury send Natasha to do the same if you were already there?”

“You know Fury. Mission over man. My comms were down, he didn't even know if I was alive.”

“Agent Coulson, you’re requested in Director Fury’s office.” The announcement rang through the hangar.

“Duty calls Cap,” I said, finger saluting him and turning to leave again when he grabbed my arm.

“This conversation is not over.” he said, eyes searching mine, I could see the look of confusion and concern.

“Fine. You wanna talk? Let’s talk.” I said.

“Meet me at my apartment at 21:00 hours” he said before giving me his address. I nodded and left him, heading to Fury’s office with the intel I had received.

“You called for me sir?” I asked to enter his office. He waved me in.

“Excellent job Coulson, you have the package for me?”

“Yes sir, " I said, stepping forward and handing him the stick.

“I’m sorry for the trouble. I wouldn’t have sent you alone if I had known there was going to be a takeover.” he said.

“I know you wouldn’t have sir. At the end of the day I’m okay. The Captain and Romanoff were very helpful.”

“So you’re saying you trust my judgement?” he asked. An odd statement coming from him.

“Sir?” I quipped confused. It wasn’t my job to question his judgement.

“You trust me?” he restated.

“You’ve never given me a reason not to.” I answered.

“Very well. You are a dismissed Agent.”

I nodded to him before turning to leave. The whole encounter threw me off. Fury wasn’t one to ever be questioned. Why did he care if I trusted him or not. He was my boss. The meeting played on my mind the rest of the day as I made myself busy with paperwork and reports. I filed all I needed to about the job before using the Triskelions gym showers and pooping on some clean clothes before driving over to the address Steves had given me.I was heading up to his floor when I heard an exchange…

“I’ll keep my distance.” Steve’s voice sounded.

“Well hopefully not too far,” a woman said. She passed by me on the stairs a moment later. She quickly averted her eyes, as she passed. I could swear I had seen her before. I stopped for a moment pondering as she disappeared down the stairs.

I reached the landing seeing Steve standing stiffly in front of his door, music floating through the door and into the hall.

“Were you just hitting on your neighbor?” I quipped. He shot me with a hush finger before pointing to his door. Immediately jumping into agent mode I got close behind him and drew my weapon. He slowly unlocked the door, entering quietly and swiftly grabbing his shield. We navigated through the dark apartment, music getting louder as we approached the living room.

He turned the corner before relaxing some and leaning on the wall.

“I don’t remember giving you a key.” he said. I turned next to him to see Fury.

“You really think I’d need one? My wife kicked me out…” since when was Fury married.

“Didn’t know you were married.” Steve said.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” he said shifting seemingly uncomfortably. 

“I know Nick. That's the problem.” Steve said, flicking the switch for the light. We quickly noticed his disheveled and bloody state. He quickly motioned for us to be silent, before switching the light off manually and turning his phone screen to us.

“EARS EVERYWHERE” it said. Steve and I glanced to each other before looking around.

“I’m sorry to have to do this, but I have no place else to crash. I didn’t interrupt date night did I?” he said before showing us the phone again.

“SHIELD COMPROMISED”

“No worries… who else knows about your wife?” Steve said, playing along. Fury stood up showing us his phone again.

“YOU TWO AND ME”

“Just… my friends,” he said.

“Is that what we are?” Steve said sarcastically.

“That’s up to you two,” he said. Suddenly shots rang out, powerful rounds driving through Furys chest. Steve grabbed me, throwing me behind him before grabbing the injured Fury and dragging him to the other room. I shrugged off my jacket trying to hold it over Furys wounds as he bled and coughed. He looked up to Steve, handing him the flash drive I had given him earlier before griping.

“Don’t… trust.. anyone…” he said before passing out. Steve and I shot each other worried glances before a loud banging came from the door. I woman's voice calling out.

“Captain Rogers,” she said, gun at the ready as she entered. “Captain, I’m Agent 13 of SHIELD Special Service. I’ve been assigned to protect you.” 

“On whose order?” Steve asked. 

“His” She noticed Fury laying on the ground and came to meet me, checking his pulse before helping me apply pressure to his wounds.

“Foxtrot is down, he’s unresponsive, I need EMT’s” she said through a radio she pulled out of her pants.

“Do you have a twenty on the shooter?” she asked us. I clocked him through the window on the roof.

“Steve!” I said pointing to the roof across the way, a shadowy figure ducking and running. Steve took off after him as I stayed to help the women do chest compressions on Fury before the ambulance could arrive. By the time we had made it to the hospital I was covered in Furys blood. It drying and cracking on my skin. Hands, arms, and clothes covered. The room looking into the operation was cold and scary. The doctors working frantically in front of me, Steve, Nat, and Maria.

“Is he gonna make it…” Nat trailed.

“I don’t know…” I said touching her shoulder.

“Tell me about the shooter.” she asked not wavering from her stare from the man on the operating table.

“He’s fast, strong…had a metal arm.” Steve said. I looked to him in shock. A fuckign metal arm? What is with the world.

“Ballistics?” Nat asked.

“Three slugs, no rifling, completely untraceable.” Maria said.

“Soviet-made.” Natasha stated. I could see the wheels turning in her head.

“Yeah…” Maria breathed. Fury then started deteriorating right in front of our eyes. I tried to hold back tears as they worked. His condition worsened before they called it. Fury was so important to me but he was even more so to Natasha. I tried to be strong for her. We all kind of silently hung around until they told us we could say our goodbyes.

Natasha spent the most time with him. I felt numb, standing back against the wall with Steve. I needed to feel grounded, even just for a moment. I slipped my hand into his without asking. He looked down at me, I could tell without turning my head. I was fixed on Nat. His hand squeezed mine in reassurance, not minding our past, knowing I just needed support.

“I need to take him,” Maria said from beside us. Steve lightly dropped my hand before heading to Nat.

“Natasha.” he said lightly. She placed a hand on Furys head before turning and storming out.

“Natasha!” I yelled after her. Steve hurriedly followed me out after her as well.

“Why were you at Steve's apartment?”

“Nat…” I trailed, almost hurt by her accusatory tone.

“Fine you won't answer me, maybe he will.” She said looking at Steve. “What was Fury doing in your apartment?”

“I don’t know…” he said.

“Cap, they want you back at SHIELD. Coulson, you too.” Rumlow chimed from down the hallway.

“Yeah, give me a second.” Steve said.

“They want you now.” Rumlow restated.

“Okay.” Steve said in a more authoritative tone.

“You two are horrible liars.” Nat chided before turning and walking off. I gave Steve another sympathetic smile before turning to walk towards Rumlow. Steve joined us a minute later after looking after Nat and I wondered if there was something between them.

“STRIKE move out,” Rumlow said as we followed him down the hall to the vans.

“Coulson you take the back vehicle,” Rumlow said pointing to a separate van then the one Steve was getting in. We both shot each other a look of suspicion. Everything in my body was screaming that something was wrong and I couldn’t place my finger on it. The ride back to the Triskelion was quiet, members of the STRIKE team on either side of me, something I had never had before. The escort felt like I was a prisoner.

Once back we were back we were escorted into the building by STRIKE. 

“Pierce wants to see both of you in his office in 20 minutes.”  Rumlow said. The team was still lingering. I needed a way to get Steve alone. I placed a hand on his arm.

“Captain Rogers, do you mind escorting me to get a coffee before we head up?” I said. He caught on to my ploy. We needed to convince STRIKE that we had no clue what was going on.

“Yes Agent Coulson,” he said before we both turned against Rumlow and walked off. 

“Somethings not right, I have a bad feeling.” I said as we walked.

“I picked up on that too. I think we need to suit up.”

“I agree. Suit up and let’s meet back at Pierces office in 10.” he nodded in agreement before turning on his heel and walking towards the men's lockers. I slipped into my stealth suit, much like Natashas and headed to Pierces office. Agent 13 was walking away with a solemn look on her face. Unfriendly words passed between her and the Captain.

“Ah Captain. Agent Coulson. I’m Alexander Pierce.” The older gentleman side shaking both of our hands.

“It’s an honor sir,” Steve responded.

“The honor is mine, Captain. My father served in the 101st. Come on in.” He said, motioning us both in. He handed me an older looking photo, I studied it for a moment before handing it to Steve.

“What is this,” I asked.

“That photo was taken five years after Nick and I met. When I was at State Department in Bogota. ELN rebels took the embassy, and security got me out, but the rebels took hostages. Nick was deputy chief for the SHIELD station there. And he comes to me with a plan. He wants to storm the building through the sewers. I said, "No, we'll negotiate." Turned out the ELN didn't negotiate, so they put out a kill order. They stormed the basement, and what did they find? They find it empty. Nick had ignored my direct order and carried out an unauthorized military operation on foreign soil. He saved the lives of a dozen political officers, including my daughter.” Pierce explained.

“So you gave him a promotion?” I asked.

“I’ve never had any cause to regret it.” He said as we all sat. “Captain, why was Nick in your apartment last night?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” Steve responded.

“You know it was bugged?” 

“I did because he told me.” Steve said.

“Did he tell you he was the one who bugged it?” Pierce said before turning to me. “And why were you there Agent?” I could feel Steve's eyes boring into me. I needed to come up with something he would shy away from. Clearly it needed to be unimportant. I realistically didn’t have a good reason for being there.

“Captain Rogers was loaning me a record.” I thought back to the small details I noticed about his apartment in the brief moment I was there. Agent 13 clearly had been keeping tabs on Steve so I needed a reason to only be there once. Pierce shot me a look. It had worked for now.

“I want to show you something.” he said using the clicker to put something on the TV. It was the pirate from the ship we had been on days prior.

“Is this live?” I asked.

“Yeah, they picked him up last night in a not-so-safe house in Algiers.”

“Are you saying he's a suspect? Assassination isn't Batroc's line.” Steve said.

“No, it's more complicated than that. Batroc was hired anonymously to attack the Lemurian Star and he was contacted by e-mail and paid by wire transfer. And then the money was run through seventeen fictitious accounts, the last one going to a holding company that was registered to a Jacob Veech.” Pierce said, handing Steve a file.

“Are we supposed to know who that is?” I asked.

“Not likely. Veech died six years ago. His last address was 14-35 Elmhurst Drive. When I first met Nick his mother lived at 14-37.”

“Are you accusing Fury of hiring the pirates? Why would he do that?” I quipped.

“The prevailing theory was that the hijacking was a cover for the acquisition and sale of classified intelligence. The sale went sour and that led to Nick's death.” I could feel Steve’s eyes on me again. Pierce clearly had no clue about me or Nat’s directive on that ship.

“If you really knew Fury you’d know that’s not true.” Steve said.

“Why do you think we're talking? See, I took a seat on the Council not because I wanted to but because Nick asked me to, because we were both realists. We knew that despite all the diplomacy and the handshaking and the rhetoric, that to build a really better world sometimes means having to tear the old one down. And that makes enemies. Those people that call you dirty because you got the guts to stick your hands in the mud and try to build something better. And the idea that those people could be happy today, makes me really, really angry.”  he hesitated for a moment. “Captain, you and Sarah were the last ones to see Nick alive. I don't think that's an accident, and I don't think you do either. So I'm gonna ask again, why was he there?”

“He told me not to trust anyone.” Steve responded.

“I wonder if that included him?” Pierce said.

“I'm sorry. Those were his last words. Excuse us.” Steve said, getting up and putting his shield on his back, it clicking quietly in place.

“Captain.” Steve stopped turning to look at Pierce as I stood from my chair to meet him. “Somebody murdered my friend and I'm gonna find out why. Anyone gets in my way, they're gonna regret it. Anyone.”

“Understood.” Steve said.

“Oh and, don't forget, SHIELD is very strict about their fraternization policy.” He gestured between the two of us.

“Yes, sir.” Steve said before turning on his heels and walking out. I followed him down the hallway to the elevators.

“I think we need to split up.” I said.

“Operations control.” he said as we entered the elevator. “Think you can sneak down to Furys office and see what you can find on Project Insight?”

“I can try but with Furys death who knows who's gonna be down there and Project Insight?” I asked.

“I’ll catch you up to speed when I can.” He said, just then the doors opened. Rumlow and a couple other guys looked up to see us. We made eye contact as I exited the elevator.

“Sarah?” Steve said.

“Yes?” I turned back.

“Be careful…” he said before greeting Rumlow and the elevator doors shut.

I quickly rushed down to Furys office, it was crawling with agents ripping things apart.

“Pssst.” I quickly looked behind me to see Natasha hidden in the corner of the hallway.

“What are you doing…” I whispered back. She waved me over.

“We have to get out of here.” she said. “You’re in danger.”

“I’m aware of that…” Just then an announcement sounded from above.

“Mobilize STRIKE units, 25th floor.”

“C’mon!” She said darting off and to the stairwell. As we fled, a team started chasing us down the stairs. Guns drawn, we both made whatever shots we could. Nat throwing multiple stingers as we fought the men off.

“Agent Coulson STAND DOWN” another announcement sounded. After a flurry of fighting, guns, and escaping we managed to grab a SHIELD vehicle and tear it out of there.

“What the hell is going on.” Nat asked.

“Pierce said something about Fury hiring the pirates to gain intelligence from Lumerian Star. He wanted to know what Nick said to us that night in Steve's apartment.”

“So they’re after what we took from the ship?” she asked.

“It’s the only thing I can think of. The 3 of us were the only ones who knew about the drive.” I said.

“Well Steve’s surely in the wind now, we’re gonna be on our own.” she said. I thought for a second when it dawned on me.

“Wait…maybe not. We need to go back to the hospital.”

~

I was in hiding waiting for Steve to make his way back to the hospital. My theory had been right, and Nat was more than happy to chomp on the gum that had been hiding the drive with me. He showed up just as I had suspected, an oversized hoodie hiding his identity. I stepped behind him popping my gum in the reflection. He saw me before whipping around and pushing me into teh empty room Nat and I had been hiding in.

“Where is it.” He said gruffly.

“It’s safe.” 

“Do better.”

“Where did you get it?” Nat asked from next to us. He still had me pinned to the wall.

“Why would I tell you?” he snapped at her.

“Fury gave it to him.” I said. He whipped his head back to me.

“What’s on it.” he asked.

“We don’t know.” I said nodding to me and Nat.

“Stop lying!”

“I only act like I know everything, Rogers.” I snapped back.

“You knew Fury hired the pirates, didn't you? That’s why you were there first.” he said.

“Excuse me?”

“The ship was dirty. Fury needed a way in and so do you.” Nat quipped again.

“I’m not gonna ask again.” Steve said dangerously close to my face. His eyes were flicking back and forth over my features. Our breath subtly mixing in the close proximity.

“I know who killed Fury…” Nat interrupted us. “Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists, the ones who do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years.”

“So he’s a ghost story.” Steve said still locked on me.

“Five years ago I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran, somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me.” She lifted her shirt and showed us her scar. “Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye bikinis.”

“Yeah cause I bet you look awful in them now.” I joked, Steve's eyes neer wavering from mine.

“Going after him is a dead end. I know, I’ve tried. Like you said, he’s a ghost story.” he finally turned to look at her. She took the drive from her pocket and handed it to him.

“Then let’s go see what the ghost wants.” he said, a hint of a mile playing on his lips as he looked at me.

~

The three of us walked through the mall all dressed like normal people now.

“First rule of going on the run is, don't run, walk.” Nat joked.

“If I run in these shoes they’ll fall off.” Steve said. I giggled and he smiled at me. The glasses he was wearing made me weak in the knees. Close proximity to Steve again was hashing up old feelings and I wasn’t sure how long I could keep the ruse.

“You guys go. I’m gonna split off and keep watch. No comms so we’re running blind. I’ll meet you at the escalators in 20.” I said breaking off. Steve watched me leave as I walked away. I kept watch as they entered the apple store. They had nine minutes to track the info and get out of there. I kept time before watching them leave the store. Steve clocked me from the third floor and I split off in the other direction. I could see the tach teams following from in front and behind. I quickly took the stairs by the food court and over to the last set of escalators they would be taking. I walked to the end just in time to see Steve and Nat fully kissing on the escalator. 

So my earlier suspicion of their budding relationship was accurate. My spirits immediately fell. My heart broke just a little watching them walk toward me. I pretended I didn’t see but I caught Steve’s eyes.

“Let’s go.” I snapped at them. We booked it to the parking lot where Steve hot wired a truck and took off.

I was sitting in the back, arms crossed, in a pissy mood.

“Where are we even going?” I snapped looking out the windows.

“New Jersey,” Nat answered. “Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car?”

“Nazi, Germany,” Steve said. “And we’re borrowing. Take your feet off the dash.”

Nat huffed, sliding her feet off the dashboard and sitting up.

“Alright, I have a question for you, oh, which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?” Nat started rambling.

“What?”

“Was that your first kiss since 1945?” I couldn’t even believe she was even acknowledging it. I saw his eyes flick to me in the rearview mirror.

“That bad, huh?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well it kinda sounds like that’s what you’re saying.” They bickered back and forth.

“No, I didn't. I just wondered how much practice you've had.”

“You don’t need practice.”

“Everybody needs practice.”

“It was not my first kiss since 1945. I’m ninety-five, not dead.” He said eyes flicking to me in the rearview again. This time I caught them and we both silently stared for a moment, before I rolled my eyes and looked away.

“Wait a second…so there IS a story here. I knew it.” She said sitting up proudly in her seat and looking back and forth between the two of us triumphantly.

“There’s no story.” I said, crossing my arms.

“There could have been,” he said.

“Did you guys hook up?” Nat asked.

“NO.” Both Steve and I said loudly.

“That’s right, Sarah would’ve told me. Are you still a virgin?” She said, looking at me. My eyes went wide in embarrassment.

“NATASHA.” I shouted.

“Oh sorry…” she apologized to me smiling.

“I’m gonna kill you.”

“You couldn’t if you tried.” she quipped. Steve was laughing in the driver's seat.

“I don’t know what you’re laughing about Rogers.” Nat joked.

“Don’t bring me into this.” he said, throwing the hand that wasn’t on the steering well up.

“It’s a personal choice.” I snarked, crossing my arms over again.

“And you made this personal choice becauseee” she teased.

“My dad made me promise when I started high school, and then I just got busy.”

“Busy?” she laughed.

“Yes busy, and then I lived with dad and after he passed it just didn’t seem…important.” I shrugged.

“Well let me be the first one to tell you you’re both wildly missing out.” She laughed.

“I said don’t bring me into this!” Steve quipped again.

“Just so you know. We kissed because Rumlow was coming up the escalator.” Nat winked at me. I blushed out of embarrassment that I had been so upset.

~

After a while we pulled up outside an abandoned military base.

“This is it,” Steve said.

“The file came from these coordinates.” Nat said as we all piled out.

“So did I,” Steve said. “This is where I was trained.”

“Changed much?” I laughed.

“A little.” he said. I could tell he was going over memories in his head. 

“This is a dead end. Zero heat signature, zero waves, not even radio. Whoever wrote the file must have used a router to throw people off.” Nat said. Steve clocked something a couple hundred feet away.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Army regulations forbid storing ammunition within five hundred yards of the barracks. This building is in the wrong place.” He said as he urging us to follow him. With one swift swing he cracked the lock open on the barracks door. We pressed inside and I located a large switch. I pushed it up and the lights came to life revealing the old office.

“This is SHIELD.” I said.

“Maybe where it started.” Steve said. We pushed forward, coming to a room where there was portraits lining the walls.

“That's Tony’s father.” I said.

“Howard,” he stated.

“Who’s the girl?” Nat asked, looking at him. We were ignored but I knew who it was. Nick had talked about her, and my dad had gushed many times about Peggy Carter when he regaled me of the stories of Captain America. My heart broke for him. We stumbled upon another room that was lined with large bookshelves.

“If you're already working in a secret office…” he said, pushing back the book cases to reveal a secret door. “Why do you need to hide the elevator?” I looked to him tentatively, and Nat shot me the same nervous glare. We got in teh elevator, riding it down to a secret room full of computers.

“What is all this?” I asked.

“This can't be the data-point, this technology is ancient.” Nat said before she noticed something. She walked over to the computer and placed the stick drive in a port. The computer came to life.

Initiate System?

“Y-E-S, spells yes. "Shall we play a game?", “ she looked at Steve. “It's from a movie that-”

“Yeah I saw it” Steve rolled his eyes. A voice kicked up shortly after startling us.

“Rogers, Steven. Born, 1918. Romanoff, Natasha avalia. Born, 1984. Coulson, Sarah. Born, 1994.” The voice said, a camera following us.

“It’s some kind of recording.” I said.

 “I am not a recording, Fräulein. I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me prisoner in 1945, but I am.” The computer showing a face pop up in static.

“Do you know this thing?” Nat asked.

“Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He's been dead for years.” Steve answered.

“First correction, I am Swiss. Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body, my mind, however, that was worth saving on two hundred thousand feet of data banks. You are standing in my brain.”

“How did you get here?” I asked the screen.

“Invited,” he quipped.

“It was Operation Paperclip after World War II. SHIELD recruited German scientists with strategic value.” Nat said.

“They thought I could help their cause. But I also helped my own.”

“HYDRA died with the Red Skull.” Steve snapped.

“Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.” Zola said.

“Prove it.” Steve said.

“Accessing archive.” The computer screen started to show old footage of Zola and the Red Skull. “HYDRA was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom. What we did not realize, was that if you try to take that freedom, they resist. The war taught us much. Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, SHIELD was founded and I was recruited. The new HYDRA grew. A beautiful parasite inside SHIELD. For seventy years HYDRA has been secretly feeding crisis, reaping war. And when history did not cooperate, history was changed.”

“That’s impossible, SHIELD would have stopped you.” Natasha said.

“Accidents will happen.” The screen showed files from Howard and Marias death all the way to Furys. “HYDRA created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security. Once the purification process is complete, HYDRA's new world order will arise. We won, Captain. Your death amounts to the same as your Life; a zero sum.”

Steve got angry and punched the screen cracking it.

“As I was saying…”

“What’s on this drive?” I asked.

“Project Insight requires Insight. So I wrote an algorithm.” Zola said.

“What kind of algorithm? What does it do?” I urged.

“The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.” Zola said, we all whipped around to look towards the elevator. The doors were closing. Steve hurled his shield but it was too late. 

“Guys, we got a bogey. Short range ballistic. 30 seconds tops.” Nat said looking at her phone.

“Who fired it?!” I said.

“SHIELD.”

“I am afraid I have been stalling, Captain. Admit it, it's better this way. We're both of us...out of time.” Zola continued. I frantically looked around to find something, anything that we could do. Steve grabbed a metal grate in the ground and tossed it out of the hole. 

“Here!” He shouted. Nat and I both rushed to the opening jumping in and huddling together as Steve covered all of us with his shield. The missile hit and covered us in ash, debris, and rubble. Darkness fell over us. I looked up to Steve as i'm in his arms.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Our heavy breath filling the silence as the aftermath settled.

“I’m okay. Nats knocked out.” I said checking her pulse and her body for injuries. He started pushing the rubble up, the heavy concrete making it difficult for him.

“C’mon,” he said, picking up Natasha fireman style. Once out of the rubble we were able to take in our surroundings, or what was left of them.

“Steve, there's drones coming,” I said. We took off back towards the truck, putting a groggy Natasha in the back and getting the hell out of dodge.

~

“Is she okay?” he asked, speeding away.

“She’ll be okay. Just hit her head. I’ll check her for a concussion when she wakes up.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes I’m fine Steve.” I reassured him.

“Like, mentally I mean.” he rephrased.

“I’ll be okay. How are you? That’s a lot to take in. You died for the cause Steve, and it was for nothing.”

“I guess I’m in the wrong business.” he said.

“I owe you my life Steve.” I said.

“If it was the other way around I know you’d save mine.”

“And you’re sure about that?”

“I am. I’m always honest.” he laughed.

“Is that a symptom of the serum?” I teased.

“Symptoms of being a good person.” he said. His free hand was resting on the center console of the truck. I took it in mine, interlacing our fingers. He looked over to me and smiled.

“I’ve missed you.” he blurted after a couple moments of silence.

“I’ve missed you too.” I admitted.

“Are we ever going to talk about it?”

“Do you want to talk about?” I asked.

“I’ve never stopped thinking about you Sarah. Nats even tried sending me on dates and I always just come back to you and the time we spent together after New York.” he said.

“What about your neighbor?” I teased. He dipped his head, ears red.

“She’s not you…” he said. We both smiled at each other.

“Are you two gonna get a room?” Nat said from the backseat, startling us.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, turning around in my seat.

“Like I got hit with a brick.” she said sitting up and rubbing her head.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“To somewhere safe…” Steve trailed.

~

Soon we were out of the truck and walking up the side porch of a smaller white house. We all looked like shit. Covered in soot and disheveled. Steve knocked on the door and a handsome African American man answered.

“Hey man…” he said.

“I’m sorry about this. We need a place to lay low.” Steve said.

“Everyone we know is trying to kill us.” I added. He paused for a moment before stepping to the side to let us in.

“Not everyone,” he said. He let us clean up in his room for a while. I was in the bathroom when I could hear Steve and Nat talking for a while. I didn’t want to interfere so I left them to their own devices.

“I made breakfast…if you guys eat that sort of thing.” I heard Sam’s voice chime before there was silence. Knowing the coast was clear I gave my hair one last brush before stepping out to go and join them. Though an empty room was not what I was greeted with. Steve was standing in the corner waiting for me.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

“We need to talk.”

“About-”

“Yes.” he said, going to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Why did you leave?” he added.

“Steve, you know why I left.”

“I need to hear you say it.”

“Steve-”

“Say it.” he said. I joined him on the end of the bed sitting next to him.

“I was scared. I had feelings for you, and it was too much. You had barely started joining the world again. I couldn't stop you. Everyone I love dies…” I said. He took my hands in his running his thumb up and down my hand.

“You HAD feelings?”

“I did…”

“And now?” he asked.

“Steve…” I breathed.

“Look, you don’t need to answer now. Just promise me that when this is all over maybe we can start fresh.” The look of hope in his eyes with his words made my heart shatter. I wanted to give him the world, but my fear was far greater than my feelings. I wasn’t sure how to answer. I caressed his face in my hand, drawing him into me instead. It had been two years since we had kissed and it was still as electric as I remembered our goodbye kiss to be. Our lips expressed everything we were feeling. His tongue darting out for permission I welcomed as our kiss deepend. 

“Hey are you guys eat-” Nat interrupted. “Oh I’m sorry.” She quickly walked out after catching us. Steve and I smiled at each other, our hands returning to each others.

“So do I need practice?” he laughed. 

~

“So the question is: who in SHIELD could launch a domestic missile strike?” Nat asked.

“Pierce.” Steve answered.

“Who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world.” I quipped.

“But he's not working alone, Zola's algorithm was on the Lemurian Star.” Steve said.

“So was Jasper Sitwell…” I trailed.

“So, the real question is: how do the two most wanted people in Washington kidnap a SHIELD officer in broad daylight?” Steve asked.

“The answer is you don’t” Sam said, dropping a file on the table.

“What’s this?” Steve asked taking the file and skimming  through it.

“Call it a resume.” Sam answered.

“Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you.” Nat said looking at one of the photos. “You didn't say he was a para-rescue.” She said to Steve.

“Is this Riley?” Steve asked him.

“Yeah…” Sam answered. I placed a hand on Sams shoulder. I didn’t need to hear to know he had been killed.

“I heard they couldn't bring in the choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use, a stealth chute?” Nat asked.

“No. These.” Sam said handing us another part of the file.

“I thought you said you were a pilot.” Steve quipped, impressed.

“I never said pilot.”

“I can’t ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason.”  Steve said.

“Dude, Captain America needs my help. There's no better reason to get back in.” Sam answered.

“So where the hell do we get one of these things.” I asked.

“The last one is at Fort Meade, behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall.” Sam replied sarcastically.

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Steve said, throwing down the file.

“Sounds like a good time.” I laughed and we all smiled at each other.

~

“Coulson, are you in position?” Nat asked over comms.

“Affirmative.” I said perched on the roof across the street from the target, gun at the ready.

“Making the call now.” Sam said. We all heard the phone ring for a moment before Sitwell picked up.

“Yes sir?” Sitwell said.

“Agent Sitwell, how was lunch? I hear the crab cakes here are delicious.” Sam said.

“Who is this?”

“The good looking guy in the sunglasses, your ten o'clock.” Sitwell looked around not seeing Sam. “Your other ten o'clock. There you go.”

“What do you want?”

“You're gonna go around the corner, to your right. There's a grey car, two spaces down. You and I are gonna take a ride.” Sam said.

“And why would I do that?” Sitwell asked. That was my cue. I readied the weapon taking aim directly at Sitwells chest.

“Because that tie looks really expensive, and I'd hate to mess it up”

It wasn’t long before Sitwell was with us on the roof. Steve tossed him through the door to the building I was on, Nat following closely behind.

“Tell me about Zola’s algorithm.” Steve urged.

“Never heard of it.” Sitwell answered.

“What were you doing on the Lemurian Star?” At this point Sitwell was backed all the way up to the ledge. Almost tripping before Steve grabbed him by the suit jacket.

“I was throwing up, I get seasick. Is this little display meant to insinuate that you're gonna throw me off the roof? Because it's really not your style, Rogers.” Sitwell taunted. Steve gave me a look and shook my head.

“You’re right it’s not.” Steve said fixing Jaspers jacket. “It’s hers.” Steve stepped to the side giving me the perfect opportunity to send a kick to Jaspers chest heaving him over the edge of the building. As Jasper fell Nat used the silence to bug us further.

“So like would you guys be losing your virginity to each other or…” We both shot her a glare before Sam came flying up the side of the building with Jasper in hand before dropping him in front of us.

“Zola's algorithm is a program...for choosing Insight's targets!”

“What targets?” Nat and I chimed.

“You! A TV anchor in Cairo, the Undersecretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian in Iowa city. Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, anyone who's a threat to HYDRA! Now, or in the future.” Jasper sang like a canary.

“The future? How could it know?” Steve asked before Sitwell laughed loudly.

“How could it not? The 21st century is a digital book. Zola taught HYDRA how to read it. Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, e-mails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores. Zola's algorithm evaluates people's past to predict their future.”

“And what then?” Steve asked.

“Oh, my God. Pierce is gonna kill me.”

“Not if I do first.” I joked.

“What then?” Steve repeated.

“Then the Insight Helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time….”

~

We all rushed to the car, throwing Jasper in before taking off down the highway.

“HYDRA doesn’t like leaks” Jasper chimed next to me. How I got middle was beyond me.

“Shut up.” I said next to him.

“Insight's launching in sixteen hours, we're cutting it a little bit close here.” Nat said playfully.

“I know. We'll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the Helicarriers directly.” Steve said.

“What?! Are you crazy? That is a terrible, terrible idea-” Jasper was cut off as a loud thud came from the top of the car. A metal arm breaking through the window, grabbing the man, and throwing him out of the vehicle to his death.

‘What the hell?” I shouted, pulling my weapon and firing it into the car roof. At this point there waa a frenzy of bullets. Nat was in Steve’s lap and I was covering Sam. A hand coming through the windshield and yanking the steering wheel right off of the car. Sam and I locking eyes when that happened in a ‘did you see what the fuck just happened’ moment.

“Hang on!” Steve shouted loudly as the car started to roll, all four of us somehow piling on top of Steve and skidding on the street on top of the car door. Sam and I quickly rolled off as the door slid slower. The Winter Soldier was hot on our trail, a grenade sending Steve to the street below the underpass. Nat was gone and Sam and I were fighting the goons.

“Grab that AR! I’m going down there!” I yelled as I noticed the Winter Soldier dropping to the street below to chase Nat. Sam did as he was told, providing cover fire. I attached my keeper to a car quickly as I ran, jumping off the overpass and down to the street below. The soldier was after Nat, firing his weapon and hitting her.

“Солдат!” I yelled from behind as I tackled the soldier. I needed to distract him long enough for Nat to get away. He quickly tossed me off his back, rolling to the ground before I stood back up proudly ready to take him on.

“Принес пистолет на ножевую драку? Кажется несправедливым.” (brought a gun to a knife fight? Seems  unfair) I said taking out my blade. He smirked before holstering his weapon and taking out a knife of his own.

“Ну что ж, тогда это будет честный бой.” (ah well, a fair fight then). He charged at me with those words and we began our dance of violence. The fight was close and dangerous, our skills wielding a blade fairly closely matched. I was able to get a few licks in slashing the exposed skin on his upper cheek, which made him that much angrier. Done with the knife fight he must have decided it was time to use pure strength, lifting me by the neck and throwing me against a nearby vehicle. I groaned as I tried sitting up, the  wind knocked out of me. I stared at him intently as he repulled his weapon and pointed it at me, about to kill me before Steve jumped in from nowhere.

“Run!” he shouted as he began a combative dance with the soldier now. I hadn’t even realized he had cut my arm until I made it to Nat.

“You’re bleeding.” she said concerned. 

“You are too.” I said pointing out the gun wound and we both sorta painfully chuckled. A moment later sirens wailed from all around us before we were all surrounded and thrown in handcuffs.

~

“It was him. He looked right at me like he didn't even know me.” Steve said sadly.

“How's that even possible? It was like seventy years ago.” Sam said.

“Zola. Bucky's whole unit was captured in '43, Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him and…” Steve trailed off.

“None of that was your fault Steve.” I said, shooting him a sympathetic smile.

“Even when I had Bucky I had nothing…” he trailed again.

“Can we all just acknowledge how badass Sarah is? You just had a knife fight with the Winter Soldier.” Sam said impressed.

“You guys would’ve done the same for me.” I said shyly.

“Uh no- I was trying to get the hell out of there. That was seriously hot Coulson.” Nat said before shifting uncomfortably, both of us were covered in our own blood at that point.

“We need to get a doctor here. We don't put pressure on that wound she's gonna bleed out here in the truck.” I said to the goons in the back referring to Nat. The guard whipped out an electric stick waving it towards me before knocking out the other guard. We all looked confused as the person took off their helmet revealing Agent Hill.

“Hill!” I said excitedly.

“Ugh that thing was squeezing my brain.” She said looking around, her eyes falling to Sam. “Who’s the guy?”

Hill quickly broke us out of the van before loading us into a new vehicle and taking us to a secret location. Sam helped Nat of the van carting her off after Maria. Steve helping me as he visualized my wound for the first time.

“You need to get that looked at…” He said concerned.

“It’s just a flesh wound. I’ll be fine soon.” I sent him a smile as we walked behind the group.

“GSW. She's lost at least a pint.” Hill said.

“Maybe two,” Sam chimed.

“Let me take her.” The doctor that was running towards us said.

“She has a bad cut too,” Hill said motioning to me. “But they’ll wanna see him first.”

Steve and I both looked at each other confused. They led us to a room where much to all of our collective shock Fury was laid up in bed. Very much alive. The doctor started working on us, Hill giving me stitches as he held Nats wound.

“Lacerated spinal column, cracked sternum, shattered collarbone, perforated liver, one hell of a headache.” Fury listed.

“Don’t forget your collapsed lung.” The doctor sang from the corner.

“Oh, let's not forget that. Otherwise, I'm good.” Fury chuckled.

“They cut you open, your heart stopped.” Nat said.

“Tetrodotoxin B. Slows the pulse to one beat a minute. Banner developed it for stress. Didn't work so great for him, but we found a use for it.”

“Why all the secrecy? Why not just tell us?” I asked.

“Any attempt on the director's life had to look successful.” Hill said, cutting my sutures.

“Can't kill you if you're already dead. Besides, I wasn't sure who to trust.” Fury said, looking to all of us.

~

Later after our wounds were treated we all gathered around a table, tired and beaten.

“This man declined a Nobel Peace Prize….” Fury said holding a photo of Director Pierce. “He said, "Peace wasn't an achievement, it was a responsibility." See, it's stuff like this that gives me trust issues”

“We have to stop that launch.” I said next to Steve.

“I don't think the Council's accepting my calls anymore.” Fury joked before opening a case and showing us 3 chips.

“What’s that?” Sam asked.

“Once the Helicarriers reach three thousand feet, they'll triangulate with Insight satellites becoming fully weaponized.” Maria showed us on a computer.

“We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own.” Fury said.

“One or two won't cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work, because if even one of those ships remains operational a whole lot of people are gonna die.” Maria added. I sighed and crossed my arms. Steve looking to me he could tell I was frustrated and tired.

“We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We need to get pass them, insert the server blades, and maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what's left-” Steve interrupted him before he could finish.

“We're not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick, we're taking down SHIELD.”

“SHIELD has nothing to do with it.” Fury responded.

“You gave me this mission, this is how it ends. SHIELD's been compromised, you said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.” 

“Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed.” Fury said.

“And how many paid the price before you did?” I said for Steve. I knew where this was going.

“Look, I didn't know about Barnes…” Fury trailed.

“Even if you have, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? SHIELD, HYDRA, it all goes.” Steve finished.

“He’s right.” Hill added.

Fury looked to us all.

“Coulson?” he asked me, I could feel the eyes in the room shift to me.

“Dad would have never let this continue… SHIELD goes for him too.” I said before Fury looked to Sam.

“Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower.” Sam said referring to Steve.

“Well... Looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain.”

~

I noticed Steve’s absence a little while later. 

“Sam? You know where Cap went?” I asked.

“I think up to the bridge… Wanna go with me?” He asked.

“Sure.” I said following him to the outside doors and up the stairs to the top of the bridge we were in. He was standing in the middle taking in the view, no doubt lost in his thoughts.

“You go first,” Sam said, gesturing to Steve. I gave him a look before going up to the super soldier.

“Penny for your thoughts.” I said.

“Just thinking about Bucky…”

“Would be hard not to.” I said.

“I’m sorry he- he isn’t Bucky anymore. The way he didn’t recognize me? He would’ve never hurt you.” he said.

“Well we know somethings not right. The way you vouch for him… I know he’s worth fighting for.” The look in Steve's eyes when I said that twisted my heart.

“You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that,” he said. “Just- whatever happens today. Promise me you’ll be safe?” 

“You know me Steve. I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right.” he turned to me when I said that taking my hands.

“After this is all over… Stay with me.” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Steve-”

“No. You don’t have an excuse now. SHIELD, work, all of it will be gone. Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

“I’ll think about it…” I said. He shot me a small smile before Sam interrupted us with a cough.

“He's gonna be there, you know?”

“I know.” Steve responded.

“Look, whoever he used to be, the guy he is now, I don't think he's the kind you save. He's the kind you stop.” Sam said.

“I don't know if I can do that.”

“Well, he might not give you a choice. He doesn't know you.” Sam said.

“He will. Gear up, it's time.” Steve said before kissing my hand and turning back to the doors to walk away.

“You gonna wear that?” I asked.

“No. If you're gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform.” he said smiling back at us both. Sam and shot each other a look before heading back inside.

“Coulson.” Fury said from the table, calling me over.

“Yes sir?” I asked him. He stood up after some discomfort and  walked round the table to me.

“After the battle of New York I thought it would be best to keep my eye on you. You have proven yourself at every twist and turn I have given you.”

“Thank you sir.”

“That being said. I spoke to Mr. Stark to help me commission something for you.” He said picking up a remote and pressing a button. A whoosh came from a box next to us before it opened and revealed what was inside. I was stunned as I approached the suit. It was all black, the seams being an electric blue. It looked like a mix of Nats suit and Tonys.

“He calls it Nano tech. Something he’s working on. He calls it Shadow.”

“Shadow…” I said, running my hands over the suit.

“Whoa! That is seriously cool!” Sam said walking in behind us.

“Welcome to the Avengers Miss Coulson.”

~

A little while later, after slipping on my suit we all met in the woods outside the Triskelion where Steve told us to be. Fury and Nat slipping to their respective places. We heard Steve approach us and whipped around, seeing him in his sold uniform from the 1940’s. He looked even better than the photos had portrayed.

“Nice suit,” I chimed. I was fully enveloped in mine at this point.

“Sarah?” he asked, eyes wide.

“Pretty cool right?” I said doing a twirl showing off the new suit.

“Where’d you get that?” he asked.

“Fury had Stark make it for me after New York. I’m not even sure what it really does yet. Calls it Shadow” I said.

“You know I really don’t like the idea of you being up there.” he said.

“We need 3 people to take down the carriers and Nat is the only one who can bust Pierce’s computer. I’ll be okay.” I promised.

“C’mon, Natasha should almost be inside. We need to move.” Hill said before leading us to the Triskelion. We managed to sneak into the tech area without being noticed. A young technician opening the door wide eyed.

“Excuse us.” Steve said politely before making his way to the desk, hitting the mic.

“Attention, all SHIELD agents. This is Steve Rogers. You've heard a lot about me over the last few days, some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it's time you know the truth. SHIELD is not what we thought it was, it's been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The STRIKE and Insight crew are HYDRA as well. I don't know how many more, but I know they're in the building. They could be standing right next to you. They almost have what they want: absolute control. They shot Nick Fury and it won't end there. If you launch those Helicarriers today, HYDRA will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way, unless we stop them. I know I'm asking a lot, but the price of freedom is high, it always has been, and it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not.” 

“Did you write that down first, or was it off the top of your head?” Sam asked Steve.

“Kinda makes me feel patriotic.” I joked before we all ran to the carriers.

“Hey, Cap, how do we know the good guys from the bad guys?” Sam asked.

“If they’re shooting at you they’re bad.” Steve responded before Sam extended his wings and took off. A second later shooting erupts and Steve and I go into fight mode. 

“Hey, guys, I found those bad guys you were talking about.” Sam said over comms, he was also getting blasted at.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m not dead yet!” Cap and I ran through gunfire as we made our way to the center of the Helicarrier. Minutes went by as we fought for position but managed to get the first carrier done.

“Alpha locked.” Steve said.

“Falcon, where are you now?” Hill said.

“I had to take a detour!” The sound of gunfire was evident in his ear. “Oh yeah! I’m in! Bravo lock.”

“Two down, one to go.” Hill chimed.

“I think we need to split up.” I said to Steve.

“Are you crazy?”

“They’re gonna come after us with everything they’ve got to stop that last carrier. If we stay together we’ll be sitting ducks.” I said. He thought for a moment.

“Fine.” he said. I gave him a nod before running off. 

“Alright Tony lets see what this thing has got.” I said still running tapping the display kicking it on.

“Welcome Miss Coulson,” I heard a voice in my helmet.

“JARVIS?” I recognized the voice from working that summer with Tony.

“Yes Miss Coulson.” he responded.

“No way man good to hear your voice. What does this thing do?” I asked.

“This is a fully functional stealth suit with reflective technology making you almost invisible. Including repulsor rays and flight capabilities.” JARVIS said.

“No way! I can fly?”

“Yes ma’am. I would highly encourage you to try a test flight before you-”

“Too late!” I said diving off the edge of the helicarrier. Free falling for a moment before JARVIS activated the repulsors shooting me through the air.

“Welcome to the sky.” Sam said flying past me.

“Charlie Carrier's forty-five degrees off the port bow. Six minutes.” Hill said. I could see Steve running from HYDRA agents on the second ship.

“Hey Sam I’m gonna need a ride!” Steve shouted over comms.

“Roger let me know when you’re ready!”

“I just did!” I could see him falling off the ship.

“ARE YOU INSANE” I yelled flying right behind Sam. He managed to catch him mid air before pulling him and placing him on the carrier. We all landed and began walking towards the middle of the carrier.

“You know you’re heavier than you look.” Sam joked to Steve.

“I had a big breakfast.” Steve said before Bucky came out of nowhere and pushed him off the edge before turning to me and shooting me with a grenade launcher sending me into the side of a jet. Everything went dark…

I awoke a few moments later to a couple HYDRA agents surrounding me. I quickly pounced up, taking them out in a moment.

“Hill talk to me, I was knocked out.” I said.

“We have 65 seconds to satellite link.” She said.

“Cap, where are you?!”

“Stand by. Charlie…” He said, then nothing. I took off the edge of the carrier flying below to the glass dome.

“Steve talk to me, I can’t get in there.” I said.

“Firing in three, two…”

“Charlie lock.” Steve came back on just in the nick of time.

“Okay Cap get out of there. Shadow you too.” Hill said.

“Fire now.” Steve responded.

“Steve.” I said.

“Do it! Do it now!”  Suddenly the Helicarriers all turned and started firing at each other. It was a mess of explosions and bullets.

“I can’t hold my position, I don’t see Steve!” I said dodging the mess of bullets.

“Sarah, get out of here!” I heard him yell before Sam came over comms.

“Please tell me you got that chopper in the air!”

“Sam, where are you?” I heard Nat.

“41st floor, north-west corner!” Sam yelled.

“We're on it, stay where you are.” Nat said. I took off in the direction of the building to see the Helicarrier crashing into it.

“NOT AN OPTION!” He yelled as he dove out of the building. The helicopter was too low, I was able to catch him, protecting him in my suit as we fell. Fury turned the helicopter to catch us and the suit stopping our fall before we fell out the other side.

“41st floor! 41st!” Sam yelled with adrenaline.

“It's not like they put the floor numbers on the outside of the building!” Fury yelled.

“Where’s Steve? You have a location on Rogers?” Nat asked me. I shot her a scared look.

“He’s still in there.” I said firing up the repulsors.

“Sarah you can’t! The gunfire is too heavy!” Sam said.

“I have to do something!” I said.

“You can wait! Steve will never forgive himself if you get hurt. He can do this.” Nat said. I sighed powering down the suit. Fury landed the helicopter at a safe location as we watched the final carrier fall. 

“I need to scan for him.” I said.

“What if the Winter Soldier is there?”

“Then I’ll deal with him.” I said, face mask dropping and taking off. 

“JARVIS I need to scan for the Captain. Look for any heat signatures in the water and surrounding area that aren’t where they’re supposed to be.”

“There are two signatures to your northwest.” he responded. I quickly approached, seeing Steve laying on the shore. The dark soldier staring down at him. I landed to the left of them, repulsors at the ready.

“Bucky. Stand down.” I said pointing my hand towards him.

“He’s my friend…” he trailed. With the realization I assumed he was trying to figure things out. Not wanting to make the situation worse I dropped my hand and opened my mask. I was scared as all hell.

“His name is Steve. Steve Rogers…” I said calmly.

“I-I recognize him. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“And we don’t want to hurt you…”

“Then let me go.”

“You’ve killed a lot of people…” I said carefully.

“Let’s not add another then. He needs medical help asap. Let me go and I won’t kill you and you can help him.” he said. I nodded at him in agreement and he stalked off into the woods. I ran to Steve checking for his breathing. It was there but he was hurt bad.

“Guys I found Steve. I’m taking him to the hospital now. He's hurt really bad.” I said a tear playing at my eyes.

“Was the soldier there?” Nat asked.

“No…” I lied before lifting Steve as carefully as I could and taking off to the hospital. We were there for hours as they worked on him. The bullet wound in his abdomen was the worst but he would recover once they removed it. His face was beaten badly. I had sat with him for hours before Sam came in.

“Hey.” he said, going to the other side of the bed and setting up a speaker.

“Hi.” I greeted. I was still in my battle clothes from under the suit.

“Have you been looked at yet? That face gash looks gnarly.” he said.

“I’m fine.” I brushed him off.

“He was there wasn’t he?” Sam asked. I just looked at him.

“Alright fine don’t tell me. But if he was you need to tell him when he wakes up.” I stayed silent.

“Why don’t you go home? Get cleaned up. I’ll call you if he wakes up. You look like hell I’m sure you’d like to be a little less smelly when he sees you again.” he laughed.

“Alright, fine. But only because you said I smell…” I said getting up. I gave Sam a hug before I headed off back to my apartment. The warm quiet apartment I hadn’t seen in days. It smelled like apple pie, a scent I kept burning on the regular when I was home. I undressed and got in the shower. The warm water easing my soreness and washing away all the grime. I got out and dried my hair before my phone rang.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Hey Sarah, he's awake. He’s asking for you.” Sam said.

“Alright I’ll be there in 30.” A smile played on my lips. I hadn’t gotten any chance to think more about Steve's offer. He was right, nothing was keeping me from him now. I had no reason to deny my feelings, except that’s what WAS keeping me from him. I was so scared to lose him that I couldn’t let myself have him in the first place. We lived dangerous lives. It was only a matter of time before one of us was hurt and wouldn’t wake up. I threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater before making my way back to the hospital. I stood in front of his room for a moment, taking a breath before letting the guard let me in.

Sam and Steve were laughing about something. A tray of food in front of the super soldier. His face was still healing, the bruise yellow and swollen. When they saw me they both smiled.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Sam chuckled before getting up. He gave me a little hug before walking out.

“Hi…” I breathed.

“Hi.” he said, putting down his toast.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, sitting in the chair beside him.

“Better thanks to you. Sam told me what you did.”

“What I did?” I asked.

“Yeah you pulled me from the river and brought me here right?” Damn you Sam.

“Well I flew you here yes but… I didn’t pull you from the river Steve,” I said fidgeting with my sleeve.

“Then who did?”

“Bucky.” I deadpanned.

“Did he hurt you? What happened?” I saw him flick his eyes to the angry gash on my brow.

“No he didn’t do this. He didn’t do anything to me.” I said standing back up and pacing.

“Steve, he knew you. He recognized you. He said you were his friend and he didn’t want to hurt you.” 

“And? Where is he now?” he asked enthusiastically. I sighed.

“He just… Walked off.” I turned to him when I said it. I knew he would be disappointed.

“Walked off?”

“He told me if I didn’t let him go he’d kill me. You were barely breathing and bleeding to death on the bank. I didn't exactly have time to get into it with him. I don’t even know if I would have been able to take him even with the suit. Steve I’m sorry I know you’re probably disappointed but-”

“Sarah stop.” he said. I looked back up to him, his brow furrowed in seriousness. He waved me back over to sit so I did.

“You did the right thing. I’m not disappointed. We’ll find him again.” He took my hand in his.

“Did you think anymore about what I asked?”

“To stay with you?”

“Yes.” he said.

“Where will we go?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter, we will figure it out. All I know is that when the dust settles I don’t want to wonder where you are again. I want us to figure it out…together. I’ve waited too long once before I’m not doing it again.” he said, rubbing circles on palm. I looked up to him, the look of longing in his eyes.

“Ok.” I said.

“Okay?”

“Okay.” I smiled.

~

A few days later we found ourselves at the cemetery. Sam, Steve, and I looking down on at the stone that said “Nicholas Fury.”

“So, you've experienced this sort of thing before?” Nick said coming up behind us in disguise.

“You get used to it,” Steve chuckled.

“We've been data-mining HYDRA's files. Looks like a lot of rats didn't go down with the ship. I'm headed to Europe tonight, wanted to ask if you'd come.” Fury said.

“There's something I gotta do first.” Steve said.

“How about you, Wilson? Could use a man with your abilities.”

“I’m more of a soldier than a spy.” Sam stated.

“Coulson?” Fury asked. I could feel Steve's eyes on me. The offer of work made him no doubt jumpy that I would take.

“I made a promise. I think I’m gonna fulfill it this time.” I said looking at the blonde. He gave me a smile.

“Alright then. Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me right here.” Fury said, shaking our hands before walking off.

“You should be honored, that's about as close as he gets to saying thank you.” Nat said from behind us.

“Not going with him?” I asked.

“No,” she said as we all walked towards each other.

“Not staying here?” Steve asked.

“I blew all my covers, I gotta go figure out a new one.” she smiled.

“That might take a while.” Steve said.

“I'm counting on it. That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev.” She said handing a file to Steve. She leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

 “Be careful, Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread.” she warned. She gave me a hug before walking off. Steve opened the file, information about Bucky prevalent.

“You’re going after him?” Sam said.

“You don’t have to come with me.” 

“I know. When do we start?”

[greyplainsttrpg]

5e Villain Arc 3

Sorry for the delay on this. I was working as a bartender for CNN during the RNC here in Milwaukee. Those were like 12 hour days that go well into the early morning, and those consecutive shifts are hard on me. I now have enough brain-space to continue my 5e villain arc.

This is about the Beast Master Ranger, and why it is emblematic of larger problems in 5e.

The Beast Master is truly horrific. At 3rd level, you get a friendo (so long as they are not larger than a medium creature). ONE friendo. Just one. You are a master of exactly one beast. Wow. Truly, I have mastered taming animals. It would be a real shame if this archetype was undermined by a few, easily accessible elements in the game.

So, what does this friendo do? Well, you can tell it to move anywhere within your movement for free "(no action required)". Side-point, if ONLY we had a key word for actions that can be done without costing either your "action" or "bonus action." A "free action," perchance? Image from SRD. Remember what they took from us.

Back on track with the point. Cool, I can send my friendo anywhere within its movement. Once it gets there, what can it do? Oh. I can use MY action to make it either Attack, Dash, Disengage, Dodge, or Help? MY action. The friendo uses MY action to do a shittier version of what I could do. Don't worry, once I get Extra Attack, I can still use AN attack on my turn if the friendo also attacks (not if it does anything else, however). It gets up to 4 times Ranger Level in Hit Points, also known as Wizard HP without a constitution modifier and no spellcasting.

At 7th Level, I can make my pig do two things (again, with my action) SO LONG AS NEITHER OF THEM ARE ATTACK. Now, I can disengage AND dash. Wow. Incredible.

At 11th Level, the beast FINALLY gets an extra Attack. However, again, I must stress--what the hell? MY ACTION?

At 15th Level, if I cast a buffing spell on myself, the friendo also gets it. Cool. Why is this not a 3rd or 7th level feature?

Summary of archetype finished.

How is this class significantly better than just using animal handling on a war dog or a trained bear? Oh wait, young adventurer, Animal Handling does not do what you expect.

This skill is so limited and specific, it nearly never comes up during play. Animal Handling, very specifically, does not let you train animals. The only way to train animals, or should I say AN animal, is through the Beast Master Ranger Archetype. Big lmao. I looked up "Animal Handling" into my web browser search engine to see what GMs think about this skill. I got this result which I find to be indicative and very funny. This was the first result besides listing of Skills, word per word, from the book, so assumedly this might be what the average player encounters if they look up this skill. I mean no ill will to this person, but may I suggest maybe playing a different game?

They capitulate that the rules do not allow you to tame or train animals. However, they suggest that "most GMs allow it anyways." And internet funny people let me do it? Don't you want to be like cool internet funny people? But most GMs should not allow it because that directly interferes with the Beast Master Ranger. It is like, literally, the only thing they can do.

This is a prime example of 5e being ridiculous. On the one hand, they don't want to give martials super-human powers because "that's not realistic." Usually, people point to magic and say "well that's not realistic either." True, but I find a more compelling argument to be that 5e consistently limits what you can do that IS literally possible. Such as training animals.

Side note: Did you know that the current pigeon is a domesticated animal (and then let outside without supervision, thus a feral species)? Like, the pigeon as we generally experience it is not a natural creature. That's why they are such "assholes" and take up space so boldly on city streets. They are not assholes. We bred them to be comfortable around people. They are just not intimidated by people like other animals because we bred that out of them. Very funny.

Pigeons are impossible in the framework of D&D 5e because it is literally impossible to domesticate more than a single animal at a time, and only level 3 Rangers can even attempt to perform animal husbandry with a single animal. Cops can train their dogs to pretend to smell weed in my car, and cops do not have a high wisdom score, nor are they at least level 3 rangers (but park rangers with rescue dogs might be). Dogs are impossible. How are there dogs in D&D 5e. Are there just enough Beast Master Rangers that they can manage to breed wolves over hundreds or thousands of years to be best friends with us? Pigs? Impossible. Cows? Impossible. Chickens? Impossible. None of these animals can be tamed or trained in any capacity. You can just calm them down (if they are already domesticated, despite this being fundamentally impossible, rules as written) or read their intentions (hopefully their intentions are "I want my progenitors to be domesticated animals, please").

Not only can martials not do super-hero feats, they also can't do basic, normal things. I know that rangers are not strictly "martial" characters, but their spells are... not great.

Ranger spells that effect yourself that can also meaningfully help the beast (like, that it can actually use the effect):

Jump (niche),

Longstrider (by 15th level, not great)

Speak with Animals (I gues the animal can now speak with animals? that's funny)

Barkskin (you will not benefit from this, but considering how shit your friendo is, it might be worth doing?)

Darkvision (niche, because there's a good chance both you and your friendo can see pretty well in the dark)

Find Traps (unironically, the best spell of its level to slap onto a friendo)

Lesser Restoration (if both you and the friendo need this spell, then you save a level 2 spell slot, and there was much rejoicing)

Locate Animals or Plants (not a good spell, not helped by a friendo considering range is 5 miles)

Pass Without Trace (you have two nodes of this, maybe? That can be useful within the range that you can control the friendo?)

Protection from Poison (niche + better resolved with a potion + same problem as Lesser Restoration + L + ratio)

Nondetection (lmao, now your dog or whatever isn't giving off psychic traces--cool)

Protection from Energy (actually usable. First spell since Longstrider that has a consistent use-case, btw)

Speak with Plants (lmao)

Water Breathing (Demon Slayer is cringe)

Water Walk (niche)

Freedom of Movement (has uses, not as consistent as Barkskin or Protection from Energy)

Locate Creature (same problem as Locate Animals or Plants)

Stoneskin (now we're talking. only consistently useful spell since Protection from Energy, btw)

Commune with Nature (this technically applies to your friendo, however there is no additional effect, except that if somebody cast Speak with Animals, then they could get that information out of the friendo instead of you, for whatever reason)

Tree Stride (this could be useful, actually)

This leaves us with around 6 spells you would consistently consider casting for the benefit of your friendo: Longstrider, Barkskin, Find Traps, Protection from Energy, Stoneskin, and Tree Stride. A couple of spells will see occasional use: Jump, Pass without Trace, Water Breathing, Water Walking, and Freedom of Movement. The rest are terrible. Is this really worth waiting until 15th level?

The key issue here, and why the class is so horrible (to the point of dooming the world to no domesticated animals) is the author's perception of action-economy cheating. All game developers need to consider their action economy when designing their game. I feel that WotC design D&D's action economy with similar consideration to Magic: The Gathering. I am no master of Magic: The Gathering. I tend not to like playing it, personally, but it's a fine enough game (for clarification). Cards in Magic that allow the Player to "mana-cheat" are generally considered to be good. There is a scale to this, of course, but it is a generally powerful effect. WotC seem to perceive action economy similar to how they perceive mana (from my experience playing both games). A Character's level and features are akin to their Mana, and the thing that they are doing similar to the text of a card. Some cards, such as the Bear, are honest cards with attack and health. They are like characters who are not specialized to do that action with various proficiency. Think of a Wizard making a melee attack: that's a bear. Other cards are 3/3 with upside (apparently Mayhem Devil is good? idk enough about Magic: The Gathering to care). Those are characters are specialized in that action. Think of the Paladin using smite, and compare that to the wizard. Then there is mana-cheating, basically being able to play more cards then you are "supposed to" during the turn-number/land on field (which could be considered akin to character level). If the Beast Master Ranger could perform an action and command their beast to make an action, that would be considered akin to mana cheating. The Ranger is cheating the action economy by getting "extra attack" (with downside of the extra attack sucking ass because it comes from a 1/4 at max HD creature) before level 5. "THAT WOULD BE TOO POWERFUL!" Squawked Chris Perkins, perched on his stand, hunched over the WotC writers as he ruffles his wings (for some reason, idk, this is the imagery that came to mind lol). Meanwhile, the Moon Druid could turn into a bear... last level... and get a multi-attack from being a bear. And the effect of Longstrider from being a bear. Plus a bunch of extra health from being a bear. Plus extra strength from being a bear.

I just. I just don't understand. Like, I literally understand what they were thinking, I believe, but I cannot manifest into my brain why they considered an extra attack or action from a 1/4 hd creature to be "unfair."

Side-note: how is the beast companion capable of taking the "help" action? Like, how? What can it do? How is it helping with Dexterity (Stealth), or Dexterity (Slight of Hand)? I can see Help as a contextual option based on the kind of animal and what they are being asked to do, but I feel there are better ways to address this (this will come up later).

The most tragic thing about the Beast Master Ranger is that their special gimmick is largely outclassed by the spell, Find Familiar. Not only is this spell better than the Beast Master Features in several ways (as the level three version, but also into the future for a while), but anyone can access it at Level 4, with upside. If you take the Magic Initiate Feat, you can choose Find Familiar as your Spell AND you get two Wizard cantrips. That's pretty good. Any human can be better than the beast master at Level 1 with their bonus feat.

The major benefit of Find Familiar is that the familiar can act independently of your character. There are other upsides:

You can communicate telepathically, which I do not think you can do as a Beast Master Ranger.

If it dies, it simply rematerializes if you cast this again. You do not have to go find another animal (which can be a serious obstacle).

You can unsummon it, unlike the Beast Master's Companion. In any environment that is not the wilderness, the familiar is simply less awkward to maintain.

The Familiar can CHANGE ITS FORM by casting the spell again.

You can send touch spells to another character via the familiar. This is MUCH better than sharing a spell that effects the user with the animal companion ("in many cases"), and it comes PRE-BUILT INTO THE SPELL. This is not a 15th level feature of the familiar. You get this right out of the box. What the shit? Was the writer of this spell not aware of how particularly cruel this mechanic is to the Beast Master Ranger? It is actually so funny.

"Well, if you're so smart, how what would YOU do to fix it?" a 5e defender might say. I have two fixes to this.

Remove it. Just remove the archetype from the game. It should never have been published. It is bad. Replace it with something better.

Okay, so let's say that the Ranger has a number of "Points" to spend equal to their Ranger Class. These points can be spent on a number of Beast Companions, giving them special traits (like bonus to attack or damage, being proficient in skills, bonus to AC, etc). The Ranger can use their action to make all their companions take actions. There would be limits to this that make sense. For example, say at Level 3, the maximum CR a companion can be is 1/4, but at 7th level this increases to 1/2, at 11th to 3/4, and 15th to 1. I don't know how much each CR monster would cost in terms of Points (2 points per 1/4 CR seems reasonable, but that would require testing), and I don't off-hand know what the various elements you could attach to the beasts are. This basic framework, however, would make you truly feel like a master of beasts. This way, Wisdom (Animal Handling) can also be a real skill that does what you would expect it to do. Training a beast to do certain actions is not nearly as powerful as turning a bunch of friendos into awesome and versatile little fellows.

Okay. That's it for this post. Beast Master Ranger sucks because Wizards of the Coats genuinely does not understand or respect their action economy. That's the TL;DR of it all.

-trans rights

-free Palestine

-WotC sucks

-buy my book

Next Villain Arc:

Previous Villain Arc:

[ghostofasecretary]

going insane. sasuga.

postulate:

when you want something to happen, it's good to take steps towards it or it probably will not happen

postulate:

people are likely to avoid things that feel bad

premise:

if both of these are true i have a fucking problem.

i hate! being this guy! i hate being up too late talking about how i haven't done my homework. i feel like i'm in high school or some shit and that feels *bad* on account of *high school fucking sucked* and i didn't like my life very much back then

(i mostly still did my homework except for the time i failed two classes. like. that did happen in midterms and i had a little mentie b or whatever. (after my grandma died? in senior year?? no, surely it was junior year, i remember how suicidal i was that break. it was...right, i think my school only did final grades, not midterms, i worked all Christmas to pull them back up.) i pulled my grades up through the power of generous teachers, actually. other people are often kind.

fuck!!!

question: if there is no reward for your efforts why make them?

answer: THERE ARE REWARDS, they're just long term ones!

also knowing i tried my best is usually rewarding but. at the moment. i think my best is pitiful and that feels bad

addendum: unfortunately for me, god's scrunkliest little bat, there are also a lot of ~adversives~ in this situation.

premise: shame is a bad motivator

supporting evidence: i haven't done anything since getting home and i literally just took my sleeping meds an hour after the Latest Possible Acceptable Time to do that and i didn't eat a real dinner and i'm still in my fucking work clothes

statement: i'm tired.

statement 2: taking a 7am class was a bad idea!

so glad i didn't take the 5am one! but also! when you know that you usually prefer to do One Thing Per Day, and to prep for that thing several hours in advance, in defiance of reasonable evidence-based arguments that you should do multiple things in smaller chunks per day. well. then maybe. you should make it so you aren't expecting yourself to wake up at 5am to prep for your 7am class if you want to do anything, OR stay up till midnight, or otherwise fuck up your sleep schedule *with no promise you'll actually get the work done or FEEL ANY BETTER*

issues:

- my skill level and knowledge base AS IT CURRENTLY STANDS makes doing this work. like. extremely difficult. it certainly feels like my options are a) put 8+ hours of work a week into it or b) fail.

- i'm intimidated by the people i'm in class with and i feel like i'm fucking up both my reputation + the environment of the class for everyone else

- in the past i HAVE tried doing the things i've done in similar classes. put, like, at least 4 hours of work in? i did thirty minutes of work earlier today. i'm not doing *nothing,* i'm just. fucking. failing?? it feels like no amount of work would be enough to keep me from failing???

- all i ACTUALLY have to do to "pass" is show up every day. this does not make me feel better because i like being good at things and feeling like my presence improves the world around me as opposed to the opposite of that

- i don't have a spare 8 hours! i barely have an extra four hours! this class happens on my Dedicated Study Day BUT, ALSO, CRITICALLY. IT HAPPENS AT 7AM.

- theoretically i could spend all my Monday coworking time and an hour after work each day on this? practically. i need to, like. do my accounting. fix my thrifted and old clothes. wind down after any long days of teaching. clean my room. eat food. make food to eat. and that would still only get me 6 hours. and i'm not sure that even fucking bridges the gap!!

[ - i need a second job so bad how the HELL am i supposed to manage any of this what the FUCK man]

- in the past i have prided myself on two things, academically. 1: doing the fucking work. 2: being willing to ask dumb questions and make an ass of myself if it means learning. turns out 2 is contingent on 1, at least in this context. as the kids say: Unfortunate.

- if i hadn't put this on my grad school apps i would seriously consider just. like. dropping this. i'm still considering that tbh. if the less advanced class weren't at, like, FOUR AM i'd consider switching to that and i've also considered emailing the instructor like "re: my failure to show up to your class prepared and able to participate. sorry. um."

and then i don't send that email, because i don't know what i WANT

- this isn't my first time failing a class. i've failed classes in high school. i went insane over them and somehow pulled it together. ...i'm not, like, objectively failing, i just FEEL like i'm failing.

- there's a fucking. easy bit of work we do every class that i could prep and i'd always rather do the Real Reading because that's what i *care* about but i don't have the *skills*

- last time i was this outclassed i WAS A FULL TIME STUDENT WITH A SUPPORTING LANGUAGE CLASS :/// SO I COULD DO 8 HOURS OF WORK AND IT WOULD MATTER!

and i still freaked the hell out a lot!!!!

(there were zero random respected profs there as my ""classmates""!!!!!!!!) (AND IT WAS IN THE AFTERNOON SO I COULD WORK ON IT ALL MORNING!!!)

- i can't afford to be this fucked up about this shit. i need to do other things with my energy and i need to feel good and i need to like living and i need to WANT to do this thing i do actually *like* when it's not *terrifying* and excruciatingly difficult!!

current thoughts:

i can actually just keep failing and showing up and disappointing myself and probably my instructor and classmates every day. like. there's no grade or threat stopping me, just Feeling Bad. historically that's not a great combo for me because i pick Feeling Bad over Massive Amounts Of Work While Feeling Bad every time and it never fucking feels good. since neither one feels good. and i'm tired and stressed so! what then!!

i should do Baby's Easiest Bit Of Work and then go to bed.

blaming everything on external stressors i chose to accept in the first place, especially when i have so much inner angst, feels very dumb. but that doesn't make it necessarily *wrong*

(also remember when my grandpa died and i showed up to class the next day? that sucked. this sucks! the material is fascinating and the language is beautiful and the people are lovely and i feel like i'm walking over hot coals made out of shame!!)

let's try, next week, a little experiment. the experiment is called Fuck It, I'm Just Showing Up. we'll do the very easy thing and nothing else unless we want to. rock up to class like i'm not a waste of space. listen and take notes and try to learn things and enjoy the experience.

i don't actually think it'll go well? but THIS (*gestures at the last ten-ish (non-linear) weeks of trying and failing to do the work adequately or. like. At All*) is going very badly indeed so something has to change. we'll try it.

the worst thing that can happen is that i'll feel stupid and look bad, right? and i already feel stupid and think i look bad.

...well, no, the worst option is that i'll feel stupid and like i could have done more and CHOSE NOT TO and i'll STILL look bad and it will be 100% my fault and i'll just be mad at myself forever.

find me 8 spare hours to spend re-teaching yourself a language and transcribing it between alphabets and translating objectively difficult language and then we'll talk, asshole. for now: FUCK IT. GO TO BED.

it is too late to chew over this for ages. you can ask friends for advice later. sleep!!!

[myhatisblue]

Guh part 3 is done at least for now. Will likely go back to all the parts and do a serious edit job when I'm done them all.

This place, and this current trip has already screwed me up in countless ways. You’d figure after all my work getting to this point that I’d charge right into the water…  But for some reason though, I found myself stuck on a long list of priorities that were more immediately important. 

While my clothes were full of holes, and tearing at the seams, cleaning them seemed most important to me right then and there… There’s no doubt that I’ll be in that water for a very, very long time once I’m in.  Having them clean and drying before that was the right order of operations. There it was again…  Always thinking with plans in mind, methods to make other moves easier… A level of forethought that seemed… strange, maybe it was always there and I was just goddamn blind.

Another note of this mental list I had going was that my brain had to be suffering just like everything else, it’s so much easier to ignore the problems going on there. Likely I wouldn’t know how fucked up I’d truely gotten till after I escaped. A task that still seemed like it was miles off.  My gut told me that all this unrelated shit was gonna build up to a plan when it came time to escape.  After all, it's becoming easier and easier to mold this land to my will.  

Though using those new found skills to make a coat rack out of bone to dry my clothes on felt a little bit absurd when objectively looked at. I did finally get use out of the flags I’d been collecting! While they were small on their own bundled together they made a great rag for cleaning the blood off. So at the very least my clothes won’t instantly get dirty again while drying.

Finally everything was prepared, I could finally take that plunge into the cool water I’d dreamt of for so long. It was heaven perfect in every way except for one single issue.  I’d let myself get a tad lost in the excitement of the moment… And well… I happened to chug down a huge mouthful of water. Yeah, I still had some left from my supplies, sure, but I wanted to soak all of this in, It was the result of all my hard work after all… 

That was stupid as fuck, I can’t even pretend it wasn’t.  It tasted like blood that should have been obvious given what It originally was, but there was something else entirely that came after it...  See there’s only so many ways to call something disgusting, and none of those words were enough to capture how fucking foul it was.  Blech, rotten egg, cow shit, a fucking landfill, the taste was worse than these smells lead you the imagine. While somehow being sweet, sour and bitter all at the same time. I barely managed to reach the beach before my stomach forcefully ejected everything inside of it. 

What a once in a lifetime experience, a fucking groundbreaking first for humanity@  I’d regret this day as long as I’d live. Not even the black rot that came after I tried to off was like this.  It’s too overwhelming, it shouldn’t fucking exist! The brief memory of it was enough to end my mind spiraling. No matter how hard I tried to keep it together, I ended up collapsing on to the beach body simply not listening to anything I had to say. Completely overtaken by an experience not intended for human kind.

I had no idea how long I’d been out… When I finally woke up again my brain felt like it’d been thrown in a washing machine. That was bad enough as is but my sight also wasn’t focusing right no matter how many times I blinked. It sounded like Ken was saying something but it wasn’t coming through. 

If there was a positive, most of the physical pain from the past weeks seemed to have melted away. The marks on my body were still there, but the worst of it seems to have passed.  It didn’t make sense… Water alone shouldn’t have treated that so quickly, how fucking long was I out for?? Before I could put much more thought into it a sharp pain radiated throughout my skull.

Things were getting hazy again. I vaguely remember dragging myself back to the water and spending a fair amount of time just silently floating there. Eventually getting dressed and just sitting there on the sand staring at the ocean.  My eye struggling to stay open.

“I could make a lot of jokes, but you look so goddamn pathetic that I think I’d actually feel bad.” 

Kenneth looked almost… concerned.  Jesus I must look worse than I feel.

“It’s fucked… Everything is.. Everything is still meat or blood, even if it looks or acts different…  All I’m doing is putting a carpet over the dirty floors.”

“Yep, sad to say humanity won’t be solving world hunger thanks to you.”

“...Why would you even think about that..”

“You really never thought about taking a steak out of the floor and cooking it off at some point?”

“No… No, I can’t say that I did.  That mouthful of water alone was worse than eating Descry’s heart.”

“Huh weird. Figured the heart woulda been a hundred times worse… hmmm… Oh! It was probably too busy was fucking all of your senses at the same time to give a single one time in the spotlight.”

“Urghhhhh.”

I pulled my knees closer, and held them close to my chest, I wanted to shrink, and disappear for a while. Pray that it’d be enough to forget, and stop my head from spinning. This was even after spitting out what I could, I didn’t even want to think about what kind of mess actually eating it would cause.

Kenneth on the other had stood oblivious to my plight. Casually tapping the side of his face next to me while he contemplated. 

“Or maybe your brain couldn’t even begin to comprehend that flavor till after you ate the heart. Now it has a point of reference kinda like how normal people can’t see the monsters of the void till their third eye is opened.  That’s pretty neat!”

“Glad one of us is enjoying this…”

“I’m always have a great time watching you fuck up.  It’s one of my favorite pastimes.

By the way… I get your going through an existential hellscape right now and likely don’t want to think about it at all but you should probably actually eat and drink something.  You’ve been out for a few days at this point.”

“You're right, I don’t want to think about that.”

“Well then, how about we make a trade.”

“What could you possibly have to trade? You're a glorified imaginary friend at this point.”

“Friend!?  Wow Mills so I’m flattered I could al-”

“God, stop.”

He was actually fucking smiling… While it seemed like a pretty apt description,  that reaction made me immediately regret saying it. It’s the kinda thing I know he’s gonna save for later and bring out at the worst possible time.

“Ruining my fun already, and I’m actually being nice.”

“Get to the point.”

“I saw what happened while you were getting in your beauty sleep. It’ll really be worth the investment.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll tell you, if you get off your ass and get back to work.”

“Where’s the catch?”

“What, can’t believe that I even get bored? I might be a paragon of patience but even I’ve got my limits.”

“Fine, not like I’d planned on doing nothing forever.”

“Well then you missed a visitor.”

“Someone was here?”

“Yup, dressed in black, waterproof pants, a coat, gloves, rubber boots the whole works.   They also had a gas mask, and since everything was pretty baggy I couldn’t figure out if it was a guy or chick.”

“You're not kidding?”

“Not this time. They just walked up, gave you a once over, and made sure you were still breathing.  After that jabbed you with a few needles, took some blood, hair, and swabbed your mouth with a stick or something. Oh, they also poured a vial of blue liquid down your throat. I might have tried to stop that one but I could even make you twitch. That water really fucked you up.”

Blue liquid…? I think they made me down something like that before… Either that or one of the things he injected me with had to have been why things healed so quickly.  But wouldn’t that fall under ‘additional support’? 

“Seemed like they liked the beach and ocean you made. Cause they were staring at it a while before they filled some vials with sand and water and pocketed them.”

“Where’d they go?!”

“Ah well some weird shit appeared under his feet and started glowing then they just popped out of existence.”

“Can you be a little more descriptive than some ‘weird shit’?”

“Say please and thank you. I’m being real nice right now. I’ve earned that much.”

“Go fuck youself.”

I wanted to smack the smug grin right off his face, but the longer we stared at each other the quicker I cracked. I scratched at my head before I sighed and gave up.

“Fuck… Thanks for everything so far.  So please Ken tell me what exactly you saw.”

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes, excruciating.”

“I think it was a magic circle, it looked detailed enough at least. Someone outside must have pulled them out. Probably the same method they used to throw you in here. I don’t know much about that old people shit, so i’m pretty much throwing shit at the wall with guesses here. 

Suppose I should give you a little more substantial since you had such good manners and all. There were two supply drops a few hours after that.”

“You could have just said that if you wanted me to get up!”

He looked like he was gonna say something but a grim expression crossed his face instead.

“You're right… 

Hey Mills?”

“What's up?”

“No matter what happens don’t forget who's got a knife pressed against your throat… It’s a bad habit to get into…”

Kenneth rarely looks that serious, there was a lot more to that warning. Knowing him he was probably leaving out the details and that actually got him worried. Likely cause anything I’d do would just complicate things further... Wait a sec… That just makes me wonder how the hell he’s still able to see things even when I was out cold. I thought he was just a leech, but could he actually take control if I pass out?  Maybe I was selling him too short when I compared him to an imaginary friend.

Before I could ask another question or even think much harder about what he said he’d started to laugh.

“Haha.. I can’t just not bring it up man. It’s too fucking funny!  In case you forgot while your brain was mush.  You were naked the whole time during that guest’s little investigation. Got to see the whole package. Gotta say they seemed fairly interested in your chest, if thats related to that fucked up scar of yours or just enjoying the view I couldn’t say.”

“...”

There were so many things to actually worry about, yet being embarrassed and wanting to fucking die beat them all out.  Goddammit Ken had me going for a while there.  Here I thought we might be past him fucking with me and it comes back and smacks me in the face. 

I couldn’t help but look at that stupid scar myself, Ken getting a good chuckle in like he saw that coming from a mile away. It didn’t hurt, sure, but the black reds and purples that surrounded it didn’t seem like a good thing. There were also small glowing veins that seemed to randomly move around the area where the knife pierced my chest.  In a way it almost seemed like they were responding to my heartbeat. In general the scar felt wrong, yet equally precious and important.. It was a mark proving what I’d killed and how far I was willing to go and most importantly that all of it was real. It was something personal as fuck so the idea of some faceless rando staring at it seemed somehow more degrading then the rest of what they saw…  I know that I’d be an idiot to think it hadn’t already been poked and prodded to hell and back during all the tests they had me knocked out for…  but still, I didn’t really want to know that it actually happened.

God it felt like my face was burning red. I couldn’t just sit here, I needed some kind of distraction, anything at this point. Checking the supply drops Ken had mentioned was just the easiest answer. 

The first one was the standard food and water I’d be getting the whole time.  The other one was slightly larger and didn’t have a flag attached to it. Inside were a few sets of clothes.  Of course there was… The guest must have said something to somebody. Fuck… Okay so the clothes weren’t anything too fancy, just black waterproof scrubs. But this was more than enough to convey the simple request that I avoid running around in the nude. Great, wonderful really… Thanks guys, nice to know the observations are to this intent. I can’t wait to have to fucking explain why I talk to myself so much. That’s going to be great, and won’t at all land me in a padded fucking cell…

Focus!  Get back to work, or else you're  going to lose it… Right, right… Okay there were a few things I could figure out fairly quickly.  The sand was a nice proof of concept that the ground was as malleable as everything else. But I’d need some flat and stable land if I wanted to set up something permanent. 

It was hard to find a memory that resonated intensely enough to work as a base. What ended up doing it was one of the memories I had of cleaning up the after effects of one of the many murders that took place.  I’d spent so much time scrubbing the stone courtyard, and it never seemed to get clean enough. As if the sins committed were engraved into the concrete, and no amount of soap and water was ever going to cleanse those stains.  There was always an outline that stuck, as faded as it was, once you knew it was there you’d always see it. It had left me feeling particularly empty at the time. 

The concrete floor that I’d created was grey and fittingly covered in faded stains. Extending it was as easy as unrolling a carpet.  What was more difficult was changing it back into the flesh it’d been made out of. While not impossible, the pressure of doing so left my head spinning. 

I’d almost forgotten everything, and felt a sense of pride for turning this place into something more than just meat. But the red sky still loomed, just as the hellscape that extended past the area I’d claimed.  I’d been avoiding messing around with day and night.  The static appearance almost unaffected by light or darkness offered a consistent appearance no matter where you traveled, be it beneath the ground or above it was ideal for traveling and exploration.  The darkness night would bring would complicate everything making every step dangerous given the moving nature of everything. The trade off of making sleeping easier and a way of keeping track of time wasn’t worth the cost.. 

For now what was more important than all of that was making sure stuff I made stayed in place. Nothing was confined to a single shape in its raw form, sleeping had taught me that. The beach on the other hand was an oddity in that way, since I’d passed out for a significant amount of time and nothing changed. Proving I had some ground to stand on thinking that anything I specifically built would stay.  The beds I’d made in the past were still the same shape when I woke up, so it’s not a wholly unique occurance. Seeing if it would still last after a significant length of time out of sight though, that was something that still needed looking into.

So it was time for another trip, hopefully it would be the last I’d have to make for a while. While walking in no particular direction occasionally I’d pull a large spike of bone from the gore beneath my feet. Trying to make sure they were roughly my height,  and curved the ends enough to tie one of the many flags I’d been collecting to it. Unfortunately I didn’t stumble onto any of the places I’d set up to camp while I was walking to the ocean. That would have instantly answered my questions and let me go back. For now I figured I’d walk till my legs were too tired, set up another concrete platform, and sleep for a while before I headed back. That was my general way of gauging things anyways.

When I finally did stop while I was physically tired, but my brain hadn’t reached the same point of exhaustion. I was sitting on the edge of a concrete platform I’d made.  I’d found that the second time making one from scratch was far easier than the first. Just thinking about where I wanted it seemed to have been enough. Only the first time creating something seems to need all the mental strain put into it.  After that things just fell into place, like the very world already knew what to do. 

Eventually I found myself throwing a ball of meat into a bone hoop I’d made.  The challenging part was getting the ball to come back on its own afterwards.  The subtle movements of the ball alone were more difficult, thanks to its smaller… uhh… organs I guess? It required far more focus and thought. It actually seemed easier to move the ground beneath it. It wasn’t very accurate but it was also less thought on my part. More of an instinctual answer to what I wanted to see happen. Sloppy and almost uncontrollable but it eventually got to the desired result of the ball ending up in my hands. While my aim left a lot to be desired, the whole process did work to catch my brain up to how exhausted my body was.  

I just had one more thing to do before sleeping, I wanted to make a real bed. Closing my eyes and digging into the past for something strong enough to solidify the thoughts. Sure, I’d spent my fair share of days rotting away in one while trapped here the first time.  That just didn’t seem to be enough to form anything with structure. There was still one other time,  well a few times…  After It had been pretty much established that stuff went back to its state when no one was keeping an eye on it… that some… errr… well pretty stupid shit went down.  

It became kinda acceptable to just break the shit out of everything.  Normally out of respect you kept it to your own room, not cause of the mess, but because of how it tended to hurt overall morale. Seeing people losing it was a little… I don’t know but it left you aware of how fucked up things were, and the ability to ignore that was a powerful survival tool.  

Most of the time you’d end up in a worse state than furniture you were trying to break. The closest you could really get to a weapon was whatever you could tie to a broom or mop. This led to some creative outcomes, but even with them I still never managed to successfully break the bed. The frame was thick metal, and kinda ruined all attempts to destroy everything in the living quarters. Ken had gotten the closest but given he was some kinda monster thing back then It doesn’t really count.  Though it wouldn’t have surprised me if he actually did it without that. He made a good cover story by constantly trying to escape or permanently break things. Always seemed like he was having a good time doing it… No matter how degenerate his ideas got.

I guess I lost track of how human-like he got during that death sentence. I get hung up on how it ended and what came after that everything else falls to the side.  Important but harder to go back to after so long. 

When I eventually found myself out of memories to milk I opened my eyes and didn’t find the bed I was hoping for in the middle of my platform. Instead a little to the left of me. Contrasting against the fleshy red was a set of completely normal furniture. I was kinda staggering, and confusing given I was only aiming for a bed and ended up with a few chairs and a desk as well. They were all good things to know how to make so the outcome was fine, but was feeling a little light headed afterwards. 

Since the opportunity to learn something was there, I smashed one of the seemingly wooden chairs on the pavement. It was still a good stress relief but seeing how it acted was worth testing. While the cement was a pain to get rid of, what about something that’s a little more fragile?  It was pretty interesting, at first it seemed to break apart like wood would, normal aside from the unsettling cracking sound it made.  Until the shattered parts suddenly liquefied and splattered like blood. After that the remaining chunks seemed to bleed out for a while until eventually collapsed into itself. Leaving nothing behind but a stain of red.  While I felt like I’d just murdered something, it was interesting to see how close these replicated objects got to their originals.  Still shaking the general empty feeling I was left with was only getting more difficult the longer I was here. 

Maybe I was tired, but I still needed to move the bed onto the platform. With the ground working on my side pushing it on top was easy.  I crashed hard and fast once everything was in place though. 

I’d forgotten how nice a bed felt, it had been so long… but I still missed my own bed. Maybe I could even have made something more like it. I just wasn’t really sure I wanted to feed my real world memories to this place. I didn’t lose anything doing it, but it felt wrong like I might ruin something in my brain if I start going down that path. I’m getting closer to an answer, if memories change this place…  Maybe the answer lies in disconnecting somehow from the thoughts tied so tightly to the foundations of this place… Sure as hell not an easy thing to do given all the baggage buried here… 

Still that was getting ahead of myself, for now I needed to sleep.  Tomorrow I’ll head back and see the results of these tests. That should give the ones watching enough to chew on, and make sure I get out of this one intact… The more a figure out the easier this will get, it has too.

[creatorbiaze]

The Council's Aid

Soliel sighed in relief, perched on one of the wooden supports of the wood-and-rope bridge suspended high above the ground, as he sees the six Council Members plus Exeveru step out of the portal, Ceriex at the head. The calm and collected Xerivelm Ruler already looked to be planning strategies and what to say, their eyes narrowed in thought and their irises staying one solid color for one of the first times since Soliel had met the Origin.

"It's always great to see your face, Vurxe Ceriex, and thank you for heeding the call. My forces are doing what they can right now, but we all know we can't fight Xalqikenxes on our own," The Phoenix King says, standing up fully. For once he wasn't smiling, instead frowning in concern. The Avian Overlords were focused on holding the Xalqikenxes back as best they can, and it wasn't safe to spare any fighters to get civilians away for now.

He could still hear the battles below them, and Conrad and the other Overlords issuing orders and commands.

Ceriex just nods, "Of course, King Soliel. It's our job, and it's always a pleasure to serve."

They turn to the Council, voice ringing out clearly, "Amy, Amber, you three focus on getting civilians away and out of here. If I remember correctly, there should be safe points above the treetops. Vulpes, you focus on helping clear the path for them. Most healthy Avians should be able to fly out on their own and help their family, but you three get any injured, young, and elderly out. Protect as many of them as you three can; I trust you, and it'll get safer the higher up you get. Start at the lower levels of the city, obviously."

They then turn to Dominus, Exeveru, and Sidera as the other three nod and run off to fulfill the order, "Dominus, Exeveru, you two help the Overlords and push back the Xalqikenxes. Dominus, you have enough control over your flames to use them to create bright light without burning the forest down. Exeveru, you use light manipulation. The Overlords only have torches and skill, and though they're strong, they aren't a match for whatever the hell Xalqikenxes are. You two spread out and help whoever's struggling the most."

Both Origins nod, jumping over the side of the bridge to quickly get down to the conflicts. Ceriex looks at Sidera, "You, somewhere in-between. Guard the bridges and passageways, let Avians get through and out, and keep the Xalqikenxes from advancing further up." Ceriex doesn't check that Sidera's obeying as they draw their bow, notching an arrow as they perch on the wood support near Soliel.

Sidera sighs in exasperation, rolling their eyes to further portray their boredom, "I'm not sure why you want me here... I mean, if anything I might just help the Xalqikenxes... it's been a while since Saliirvelm has had a major tragedy"

Ceriex whips around to glare at Sidera, their coal-black eyes smoldering as they growl, "I do not care what you wish to do, Parasite. You will obey today. Am I understood, Finem?"

Sidera takes a step back, ears flicking flat against their head as they chuckle nervously, ".. Understood, C-Ceri... I was just joking, of course.."

"It was not a funny joke. If I find out any Avians die because of you or under your watch today... Let's just say, the Sorcerers will have a lifetime supply of Royal Origin blood for their spells," Ceriex says coldly, voice still commanding. It was clear they were fed up with Sidera's antics by now, and Soliel had to wonder how they stayed calm so long.

Sidera nods, glancing down at the wooden planks below them, ears still flat against their head, almost blending into its hair, "fine, fine..." 

Sidera sighs, jumping off the bridge to get lower in the city.

"I still wonder how you control them so well," Soliel murmurs, drawing his bow as Ceriex had, "the current Council is probably the most disorganized assortment of beings, yet you keep them in check for important things quite well."

"Practice, my friend, just practice," Ceriex chuckles softly, aiming before she fires an arrow, quickly notching another and shooting it as well, further away, and repeating the process again. After several seconds, there's a bright flash of light down below from the substance that tipped Ceriex's arrows combusting on impact. The light flash is soon followed by two more, further and further away from the bridge they were perched on. 

Soliel winces slightly at the shrieking of the Xalqikenxes, audible even from their high perch, as they burn in the bright light. Ceriex doesn't even show any reaction, continuing to aim and shoot, skillfully– or even just luckily – avoiding shooting any Avians or allies, just bare ground and the weird, shadowy monsters. They don't even bat an eye as Avians retreat past them, fleeing up to the treetops, presumably from the Council's aid allowing them.

A couple hours later, Ceriex was out of arrows, but the City was safe, the Xalqikenxes driven back and out with the help of the seven Origins. The seven stand in the center of the city, healers tending to the injured around them. Ceriex and Amy help dress wounds as Soliel watches everyone with a weary smile. No one was completely uninjured, other than the three Royal Origins, who's regeneration helped them stay in perfect health even in this battle. Sidera was still pouting from the missed chance to destroy another city, though.

"Thank you again, old friend," Soliel smiles to Ceriex, "we wouldn't have won without your help."

Ceriex smiles back as they look up, their eyes once again slowly shifting between colors now that they were more relaxed, "it's no problem, really. It's our job, and as I'd said; I'm glad to help. Call upon us at any time, and we'll answer."

[stormdragon23]

Question 7 for Baek Yoonho, 3 for Yoo Jinho, 12 for Park Kyunghye and 13 for Sung Ilhwan

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? (Baek Yoonho)

People mentioning his firefighter past. It's a rather minor detail compared to other things about Yoonho, but it's something I always like seeing, especially when people talk about his firefighting skills affecting his current actions. For example, when Yoonho can stay calm despite the chaos of a situation because he knows how to stay composed under pressure And having Yoonho rescue Jongin with his firefighting skills :3

It's also nice to see people putting Yoonho with his two best friends. They're so cute together <3

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character? (Yoo Jinho)

Oof, this one's hard. I think the biggest thing off the top of my head is that Jinwoo does not consider Jinho his friend

Jinho's contact is put under "Guild" rather than "Friends" like Haein, which always bothered me. Another thing is when Jinwoo told Haein that she was "his only friend"

Like, Jinwoo has known for so long, and Jinho has been by his side throughout all of Jinwoo's leveling up. Jinho has put up with all of Jinwoo's shenanigans and yet, Jinho isn't his friend?? Even Juhee not being Jinwoo's friend makes some sense since they're shown to have drifted apart, but Jinho only got more involved in his life

JINWOO WOKE JINHO'S FATHER UP FROM ETERNAL SLEEP LIKE HE DID HIS MOTHER WHAT DO YOU MEAN HAEIN IS HIS ONLY FRIEND-

I shall take that scene as a translation issue because it just doesn't make sense. The phone contacts scene still shows that Jinho is not exactly one of the first things on Jinwoo's mind though. He should be in "Friends" :< Especially with how he reacted to what happened to Jinho in America

Not sure if this was more about Jinwoo or Jinho, but Jinho's related to it, so it counts

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? (Park Kyunghye)

I have quite a few for Kyunghye. Trying to think of a favorite but can't off the top of my head. I do think she's the type of person to give someone the benefit of the doubt most of the time. She would likely be like "We could give them a chance :<" Whether that works out in her favor is a different matter, but. Look at her, how could anyone with a heart deceive this face?

She's probably good at manipulating people to do what she wants too. Asks them in the sweetest voice

She would probably get along well with Choi Jong-In... Gotta make a note of that

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot? (Sung Ilhwan)

I don't think Il-Hwan would use much, but if he did, I think he would use ":D" a lot. For emojis, I think ☀️

I think it suits him :3 Especially if Ilhwan is the sun and Kyunghye is the moon

From the ask game here

[sweetest-honeybee]

I'm going to be starting my very first commissions soon! I am very excited but do you have any tips on what I should and shouldn't do?

Oh that’s very exciting! Hmm I have a post somewhere but I’ll just answer anyways 😂 This is gonna be insanely long

- Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get a huge amount of people asking at first. It’s all about drawing people in and growing an audience! If you don’t have an audience yet, it’s always worth it to market and advertise pretty well. Multiple social medias, using common tags, promoting in say, is discord server if you’re in one or something, all that jazz

- Pricing is very difficult and it’ll fluctuate and change over time. You’re not gonna get it down first try, and they’ll change with your workflow and what you realize you can and can’t do/handle! Personally, I took the amount of time I take on each canvas and estimated some average times (I.e. a rendered bust takes me 1.5-2 hours) and multiplied that by ah, $30 I think at first? And then doubled my prices later down the road

- Additionally however, pricing in such a way that you make good money for your time is important but, and I can’t stress this enough, PLEASE consider the people you’re advertising your work to and who follows you, what communities you’re in, etc. For myself, I’ve recently began to aim for higher quality clients who can pay more all at once and so I can get more money with less commissions stacked in my queue. Thus why my lowest price is still quite high. If you want more frequent clients, most often it’s best to keep your prices relatively low but still good value for you. Again, it’s all about finding that balance and figuring out your workflow

- Speaking of workflow, there’s no one right way to do commissions. Your process is your own and from my experience, I’ve gone through a bunch of different processes with different people! Haha, I’ve even signed a contract once to really seal the deal on the terms and conditions. Make it your own! Be as professional as you feel the need to or not. Do whatever makes you comfortable as long as it’s not at the expense of the client, of course

- You may or may not be contacted by spam bots and other accounts about your work. Believe me, it’ll happen once or twice that you might be scammed if you’re not careful (it’s happened to me twice) but if I could say, it’s usually accounts with names that don’t match their icons, using little/terrible punctuation and very automated repsonses, requesting work that’s not what you do usually, requesting work of family members/pets, offering very large sums of money, whatever else. Just be safe!

- Hmmm what else….

- Make sure you have plenty of examples of your work and the style of art/coloring that you’re advertising. If you’re offering something new, just get like 3-4 examples in and have a consistent process before having people pay money for it. I love my current rendering style but I had to wait til I had a few to know how I wanted to go about offering it as a new coloring style and how it’s different from what I would typically do

- Some clients are definitely rude and pester. It’s okay to put your foot down and say you’re not comfortable working with them. Personally, I offer up other artists if that’s the case (within reason, I don’t send rude people generally but sometimes clients get frustrated with you because you’re not the kind of artists they’ll end up wanting to work with) or if I’m just not able to do a commission because it’s, for example, out of my skill level or something. Always good to send people to artists who are open for work

- I’m actually learning this myself but if you’re working with someone who’s well known (I.e. I worked with good ol Xisumavoid), having T&Cs is useful for those larger clients. Xisuma actually gave me his terms and conditions to fill out in the invoices so if the client has that as well, it works that way too! And again, if you have questions or you’re uncomfortable by someone else’s T&Cs, say that! Believe me, they’ll work with you if they truly intend to use your work (bless that man, he was so kind and transparent about the whole process)

- Of courses you are just starting out but you never know!

That’s pretty much he main stuff. Just make sure it’s seen and clear, you’re valued and understand your value, and that everything you’ll be doing is all up to you. If you have artists friends (or myself) that you’d ever need input from, give them (or me) a holler! This is all just me, other artists have more or different ways they’d suggest going about things so if you don’t agreed with anything I’ve said, that’s alright 😌