#take it from someone with plenty experience in these fields lol

[annwrites]

finding bliss in the bliss *.✧

— pairing: jacob seed x fem!reader

— type: one-shot

— summary: jacob seed takes your virginity in a field of bliss

— tags: porn w/o plot tbh

— tw: sex, loss of virginity, drugging, fingering, cussing, dubcon (reader asks about protection, but jacob makes the decision for them both to bareback it)

— word count: 4,544

— a/n: well, this ended up being way longer than i initially expected it to be lol. i hope i kept him in-character!

(this scene was initially going to be used in a much larger fic where the the reader (originally an oc) meets john first during one of joseph's sermons that she went to out of curiosity & generally feeling lost/alone in life. she eventually is taken in by john/eden's gate, bc john has been having dreams about her, & believes she's his soulmate. but bc he knows jacob needs someone good in his life as well, he has her go stay with him at his cabin in the whitetails as he "works" on his silo sometimes, so that she's kept safe while he's away from the ranch. in reality, he's hoping they'll connect & also fall in love. & they do and they're all a happy throuple. but this scene initially ended with jacob trying to pull his cock out of his boxers & she freezes, telling him she wants john to be her first & he gets super hurt & upset about it.) anyway!

You swear, that the more you walk, the more you can hear a faint humming sound coming from up ahead. Once the two of you break through the trees, you see where it'd been coming from. Before you is a massive field of flowers, moths flitting along them, and behind the field is a row of greenhouses, to the right of them a huge marble-and-stone building.

You look to Jacob. "Where are we?"

He nods his head toward the large building. "That's the factory where we make all our bliss. And while there's plenty of others throughout the region, this is the largest field of it that we have."

You balk. So you're both standing before a giant field of hallucinogens.

"W-Why did you bring me here?"

He looks down to you, his hands in his pockets. "You were the one who was curious."

Your brows furrow. "I expressed that curiosity in the truck—meaning you were already headed this way."

"No, originally I was going to take you to Sabre-Tooth Springs. We're just making a detour right now."

He steps away from you then, walking closer to the field.

You panic. "Jacob," you nearly yell his name.

He turns back to you, one brow raised. "You wanted to know what it was like."

"I didn't think I'd be finding out tonight..."

He doesn't respond.

You take a small step closer to him. "What if...what if I have a bad trip?"

He determines it a small victory that you're not going to fight him on this experience, but, rather, are willing to let it happen.

He steps back over to you, his broad form towering over your own. He nearly smirks at how small you are compared to him. So vulnerable...

"I'll be right here the entire time. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

You glance to the alluring field of flowers, illuminated only by the moon above and the lights from the greenhouses in the back, then back to the large man before you.

"Do you really think my first time doing it...it being in a field of it, is a good idea?"

He shrugs. "No one's ever had a better one."

You nearly roll your eyes as he turns away from you. You quickly reach out, gripping his right hand in your left and his head jerks in your direction at the sudden contact.

You look up to him with wide eyes. "Can...can I hold your hand?"

Your own is shaking, he notes.

He nods.

You take a deep breath, then another as you step closer and closer, until, finally, you're at the beginning of a path, which leads down the middle of the garden.

You grip his hand tighter as the two of you begin down it, your head quickly beginning to spin as you breathe in the strong-smelling flowers which surround you. Your other hand comes up to wrap around his arm, sparkles filling your vision. "I feel so dizzy. Light-headed." You look around you, your vision swimming, heart now pounding. "Everything looks funny. I don't like this."

He drags you along, further in, cutting across the path until you're completely surrounded by the angel's trumpet flowers. "Just relax. Everything you're feeling is completely normal."

You shake your head, trying to center yourself, but it causes the entire world to spin instead, so you press your forehead against Jacob's upper-arm, desperately wanting it to stop.

"Here, just sit down and ride it out."

Ride it out? There was no riding it out, so long as you were sitting in a damn field of it.

Nevertheless, you do as you're told, taking a seat beside him, swaying side-to-side as you watch the world around you ebb and flow, as if you were underwater.

"Hey, look at me," Jacob says as he gently places his index finger under your chin, turning your face in his direction, causing your vision to fill with small silver sparkles again.

"Yeah, your pupils are blown."

Your heart jumps and you swallow nervously as you reach up to your face. "Is that bad?" You ask with a whimper.

He smirks. "No, just means it's working."

You wonder what he means by that, but find yourself completely unable to concentrate long enough to try and figure it out.

"Lie back."

You do, closing your eyes, willing yourself to calm down. Wait—hadn't he said it helped do just that? No. That happened when you found the correct dosage, which this most certainly was not.

They smelled so lovely, though...

Finally, when you open your eyes, you notice that Jacob is now leaning against his left arm, looking down at you. "How do you feel?"

You blink up at him. "Warm."

"So take a layer off."

You giggle, then cover your mouth, wondering where the hell that had come from. You lower your arms back down to your sides. "Are you trying to get me to take my clothes off?"

His brow raises. "You're wearing a hoodie."

You flush. "Oh. Right."

You unzip it and Jacob's eyes darken when he notices you're not wearing a bra beneath your thin t-shirt, but you don't see his reaction as you sit up long enough to slip the article of clothing off, lying it beside you before you lie back down again.

"Better?" He asks.

You look up at him again, suddenly feeling warm all over. Was that a normal reaction?

"No, still warm."

His jaw flexes, then, "So take something else off."

Normally, you know you would be beyond upset at such a suggestion, would make a scene over it. Would never do it, but you simply...don't care in this moment. You feel a way you never have before. Calm, euphoric. Happy.

So you sit up again and grip your t-shirt at the hem, lifting it up over your head and Jacob watches, his face betraying nothing as he takes in your now-naked breasts.

You lie down yet again and giggle, covering your shapely breasts with your hands. "I'm naked."

"Not technically." He replies, his tone completely serious.

"How are you not...do you not feel as good as I do right now?" When you speak, your voice sounds little like your own now. It's playful, lilted, breathy... Alluring.

His jaw twitches. “Let's just say I've developed a bit of an immunity to it.”

You wonder how that's even possible. How much of it someone would have to do to even achieve that. But because it's him—Mister Always-in-Control—you're not surprised by this fact.

You reach down to the waistband of your sweatpants and begin to wiggle out of them, not even caring as your underwear goes with them.

You look up to Jacob then, and his gaze is trained solely on your face now.

“Now I am.” You say, your entire body warm, a flush spreading lower than just your face, but to your neck and breasts as well.

He simply replies with a “Mhm.”

You laugh at him, then mimic his serious disposition by pursing your lips and furrowing your brow. “So serious.”

You close your eyes again and breathe deeply, heat now pooling between your thighs.

Jacob, while your eyes are shut, uses the moment to take you all in. Your breasts, your soft stomach, your round hips and supple thighs, and your sex between your legs.

When he looks back to your comely face, your wide eyes are open and watching him.

Before he can think or do anything, you're on top of him—straddling him—your legs bent at the knee on either side of his waist as you come down to rest directly over his throbbing erection, which strains painfully beneath his jeans.

He leans back on both his elbows as you rest each of your arms on either of his shoulders, your breasts nearly in his face.

"The hell are you doing?"

You shrug, feeling unusually bold. Obviously. Or you wouldn't naked, on top of Jacob Seed, in a field of psychedelic flowers right now. "Not sure yet." You giggle again, running your fingers through his hair.

"You're a naughty little thing, aren't you?"

You feel your core heat at that. "Not usually."

His lips twitch. "I'm aware. Had I known all it would take to bring your walls down would be some bliss, I would've brought you down here days ago."

You scoot a bit closer, your chest nearly against his and he groans at the sensation as his cock twitches underneath you.

"Why?"

He's broken from thoughts of fucking you senseless for teasing him like this. "Why what?"

"You've barely spoken to me for the past week, not that you're ever home, so why do you care about my walls?"

His cock hardens at you talking about walls, him wondering what the ones between your legs would feel like clenching around him. He doubts you could take all of him anyway.

"Does that upset you, me not paying attention to you, sweetheart?" He asks in a mocking tone.

Normally, you'd fill with embarrassment or shame. But right now? You simply shrug.

"Is that why you're naked and on top of me? Because you don't need my attention?" He asks, thinking he finally has the upper hand. How wrong he is...

You grind down against his erection and sigh. "Mm, actually I want this."

He raises a brow. "To dry hump me?"

He could give you a lot more than that, you need only ask. But he wasn't about to admit as much.

You hesitate for a moment, then nod.

He glances down to where your sex is already making a wet spot on his jeans, directly over his cock. He then looks back up to you, eyes hooded. "Go on, then."

It's all the encouragement you need before you reposition herself overtop of his left leg instead. He lowers it until it's flat on the ground, and then you do exactly what he said. You rub yourself against the leg of his pants, your head thrown back in ecstasy, your eyes closed, lips slightly parted.

For awhile, Jacob simply watches you, arms behind his head, content to let you do this all night if that's what you want.

Then, Jacob sits up for a moment, reaching behind you to slip the band around your ponytail free and your hair falls in soft waves down your back. He briefly considers how it would feel wrapped around his fist.

You don't stop your ministrations for a moment, continuing to whimper and sigh and moan as you take what you want, perhaps need.

Finally, you opens your eyes and Jacob sits up a bit. You wrap your arms back around his neck again and crush your lips to his.

You open your mouth, moaning into his own over and over. God, you'd never felt so good, so free, so alive before. You understood why people took bliss now. Who wouldn't want to feel like this forever? You could get lost in it. Wanted to.

He flicks his tongue against yours , then brings his rough, calloused palms to rub up and down your bare back and you shiver, gasping against his lips at the heightened sensation.

Then, he grips your hips as you continue to ride him, wishing he could get some fucking relief himself. He wasn't usually this generous, in that, if he was with a woman, they were both getting theirs. Not just one of them.

You begin to ride his leg faster then, your breath coming in soft, short pants. He suddenly flips you onto your back "Oh no you don't."

Your eyes shoot open, as well as your mouth, but before you can speak a word of protest, Jacob is lying on his side, leaning against his left arm as he spreads both of your legs with his right, then reaches between them with that same hand, running his index and middle fingers between your soaking folds before plunging them inside of you.

You gasp at the unexpected gesture, then throw your head back against the ground.

Jacob brings his other arm to press down on the lower portion of your stomach as his fingers frantically fuck you, barely allowing you to catch your breath.

You bring your right arm up to grip his jacket, unable to so much as speak, only able to make the most embarrassing noises—which included those coming from between your thighs...

Jacob suddenly curves his fingers upward and you moan his name in response, causing him to smirk in satisfaction before easing yet another finger inside of you.

It doesn't take but a few minutes more before you finish, his palm covered in you as your back arches and you spread your legs wider. Sparks explode against your eyelids, your entire being set ablaze, your cunt contracting wildly against him.

He doesn't even bother stopping, until your hand comes down to grip his wrist. "Please," you whisper, trying to catch your breath, trying to calm your pounding heart.

His movements cease and he removes his fingers from inside you and you watch as he immediately places them in his mouth, your eyes going wide as he sucks your juices from them.

Only once he's cleaned them does he settle his arm over one of your lowered thighs. "Do you have any idea how fucking good you taste?"

You open and close your mouth like some stupid, gaping fish, before closing it and opting to simply shake your head.

He runs two of his fingers between your hot, dripping folds and your body jerks in response before he brings them up to your lips. "Open."

You obey and he eases his fingers into your mouth and you suck on them before he removes them a few seconds later. You don't find there to be anything extraordinary about how you taste, but perhaps he had a different palate than you.

You then decide that you sound ridiculous, and have no idea what you're even on about.

"So, did you get what you needed? Or do you need to go again?"

You're surprised he's offering you a second orgasm. But pleased he is nonetheless. The first had been...unlike anything you'd ever felt before. Had been mind-bending. Your entire body had been at his mercy.

You look at him shyly. "Maybe."

He brushes one of his calloused thumbs over your nipple. "Oh yeah?" He says with mild interest before gazing at you.

You spread your legs again, nodding. "Mhm."

He sighs. "What am I going to do with you?"

You bite your lip. "Whatever you want."

He shakes his head, chuckling. "Don't tell me that or I'll fuck you within an inch of your life."

You still, somewhat wishing he would.

Then, you climb back on top of him again. He leans back like before. "What are you up to now, darlin'?"

You unbuckle his belt and his hand shoots out to grip your wrist in an iron clasp.

You look up to him, your heart pounding wildly with excitement.

"You sure about this?" He has no condoms on him and he wasn't about to even consider the pullout method. When he came, it would be deep—with his cock buried as far inside of you as he can get it—every drop of his cum filling you. And if your coupling resulted in something...more...he'd deal with that then.

All he could think was everything he wanted to do to you right now. Consequences be fucking damned.

You look at him, a smile playing on your lips. "Trust me."

Him trusting you wasn't the problem right now. Sure, bliss no longer had the effect on him that it once did, but there was still an impact on his body when he got near it. And being here with you like this in a field of it? He was liable to lose control once he was finally inside of you.

Once you have his belt fully undone, you then unbutton and unzip his pants and you kneel next to him and he lifts his hips as you slide them down to his ankles.

Before he can toe off his boots, wanting to fuck you completely bare, you've climbed back into his lap and are reaching for his erection over his boxers. You stroke him a few times before rubbing the tip of him against your cunt.

He looks at you in confusion. "What're you doing?"

You continue rubbing him against you and his cock twitches—once, twice—and he wants nothing more in all the fucking world than to finally sheathe himself inside of you.

"Are you trying to be a cock tease?" He asks, irritation lacing his voice.

You give him a mischievous grin and shrug before rolling your head to the side, your hair coming to slip over the front of your shoulder.

Jacob sits up, his chest pressed against yours and you wrap your arms around his neck then. He relaxes some. You'd just been trying to ready yourself, that was all. He reaches under you and starts trying to pull his boxers lower, trying to free his erection, but you still and pull away, looking down.

"I..."

He stops. "What?"

If you were about to ask 'what about a condom', so help him God almighty above...

"I've never..." You trail off.

Realization dawns on him. You were a fucking virgin. Even if you sure as hell were not acting like one right now.

"You're still a virgin, sweetheart?"

You nod, suddenly embarrassed.

He squeezes both of your hips firmly in his rough hands. "You want to fix that tonight?"

You just stare at him, running your fingers nervously through his hair.

He moves his hands lower, gripping your ass. "Hm? Would you like that?"

Your cunt was throbbing between your legs and you were so wet that you were dripping. All you could think about was all the things he might do to you if you said yes.

Why had you been waiting again? With your head so light and fuzzy, you couldn't remember anymore.

Finally, you nod.

He gently sets you to the side and you watch as he unlaces his boots, then tugs off his jeans the rest of the way. He then pulls his shirt off over his head and you feel a pang in your chest at the scars littering his abdomen. What had happened to him?

Your feeling sorry for him is cut short, however, when he pulls his boxers off, freeing his erection.

Oh God. It'd never fit. Never ever.

He gently grips your hips in his hands again and you sit back on his thighs and gingerly take his erection in your hands, holding it up against your stomach. It came up above your navel.

Jacob could nearly laugh from the terrified look on your face.

"Something the matter, honey?"

"It's too big," you look up to him, eyes wide and full of innocence. "It's not going to fit."

It twitches in your grip and you nearly unhand him when it does so.

"Oh, I'll make it fit, baby. One way or another."

You look into his eyes again.

"So, you want to be on top, or should I?" He asks, his tone patient as you decided.

"I...I don't know."

He sits up, wrapping his arms around you, your hands still around his dripping erection. "You want me to decide then?" He grabs your ass again, squeezing. "Want me to do all the work and you just enjoy yourself?"

You nod, hesitantly.

He leans forward, trailing his lips, then his tongue along your neck and you let out an unexpected moan, making his hard cock twitch again. Once his lips are near the shell of your ear, he speaks. His voice is low, gravely, full of lust. "Lie back and spread your legs."

He quickly grabs his jacket, fanning it out and you lie back on it, doing as you were told, spreading your legs wide for him.

He kneels before you, resting back on his haunches as his hands first grip your breasts, massaging them, then he uses one of his hands to grip your hip, the other palm-face down, running between your breasts, down your stomach, finally coming to rest overtop of your sex.

"This what you want, darlin'?"

You watch as his cock bobs between his legs. You nod, silently.

He slowly eases two fingers inside of you and you grip the jacket beneath you.

"Oh, yeah, that's what you want. Nice and wet and ready for me, huh, baby?"

You bite your lip, whimpering as he teases you like you had teased him.

Your eyes pop open when he removes his fingers, now rubbing the tip of his cock against your entrance instead, slapping it gently against your pussy a few times.

"What about-"

"What about what, sweetheart?" He asks, brow raised in mock-interest at what you have to say.

"Protection."

"We don't need it," he states, pushing inside of you before you can protest.

The pain isn't as bad as you had imagined it would be. Perhaps some mild discomfort at first, but he gives you a moment to adjust to the size of him—you'd been stupid in thinking those first few inches would be it, though.

As he eases himself the rest of the way in, the feeling is unlike anything you'd ever felt before.

You'd fingered yourself before, even used the handle of a hairbrush a few times, watching with fascination as it bobbed inside of you as you clenched around it, but this...you'd never felt so completely filled.

Jacob lets out a low swear and you look up to him in worry, until he speaks. "You're so fucking tight, Jesus."

He looks down at you, where your bodies are now joined, his length completely hidden inside of you. You'd done far better at taking every inch of him than he'd previously anticipated. "That feel good, sweetheart? You like that?"

"I feel so...so full."

He smirks. "I bet."

He begins to rock his hips against yours, slowly, using every ounce of self-control not to just fuck you raw like he wants so desperately to do.

He lowers himself on top of you, one of his hands holding himself up, trying not to crush you. He uses his other to slide down your thigh, lifting it onto his back. He sinks impossibly deeper and curses.

He looks down at you as you wrap your other leg around his backside. "Do you know how good you feel like this?"

You shake your head, eyes now glazed over, face and breasts splotchy with a sex-flush.

"First one to be inside of this pretty little cunt, hm?"

If you weren't already pink and red all over, you'd flush from the words leaving his lips. "Y-yes."

He eases out and back into you a few more times, your cunt squelching from how wet you are. "Such a needy little pussy, isn't it? Bet it doesn't take much to get it soaked, does it?"

You shake your head, licking your lips. "It's kind of annoying, actually."

He chuckles. "Only for you. You have any idea how much use I'd get out of it if it belonged to me?"

You grow quiet, mortified at the way he was talking about your body, even if it turned you on all the more.

He crushes his lips against yours, using his tongue to tease you for a moment before pulling away, sitting up again, cock still firmly inside of you. He reaches down, brushing the pad of his thumb along your lower lip, before easing it into your mouth. "You look like you could use something to suck on, darlin'."

And so you do. You suck on his thumb, hollowing your cheeks, wrapping both of your hands around his, and he groans at the sight, imaging how his cock would feel in there. God, you were fucking perfect.

He rams his cock into you a few times and you just moan and sigh in pleasure.

He pulls out a few inches, admiring his glistening length, completely covered in you, and then he shoves it back in. You clench around him and take note of how he hisses at the sensation.

You do it a few more times, completely on purpose now and he curses, and not quietly. "Fuck, Y/N."

Eventually, he grips your hips again, rolling over so that you're on top and he begins to tug your hips forward, then back, trying to encourage you to ride him again. You start to do so, the feeling of him settled inside of you, feeling him moving with you...it's such an odd sensation, but it feels so good.

He lies back, reaching up, taking both of your breasts in his hands, fondling them as you rock your hips against his. He begins to tug against your nipples, gently pinching them and smirks when he feels you clench at the feeling.

"You like that, baby, that feel good?"

You nod fervently. "You're doing such a good job riding my cock, sweetheart. That's it." He grips your hips again, having you bounce on it. He throws it head back. "Fuck, just like that. God—fuck."

You settle both of your hands, palms face-down, on each of his pectorals, settling onto his cock again and then you begin to roughly buck your hips against him, riding him as hard as your body can manage.

So much for letting him do all the work...

He says your name over and over again, eyes closed, a curse escaping his lips every-other word.

He's gripping your hips and sides so hard you're sure he'll leave bruises, but you don't dare tell him to stop. Finally, he sits up, crushing you against him, his face buried in your breasts, taking one, then the other into his mouth, gently biting down and sucking on them as you continue to ride and ride, his breathing become more erratic, his hips bucking up into you, the tip of his cock plunging against your cervix.

"Fuck, baby, just like that. Good girl. Ride my fucking cock. Just like that, honey."

Finally, you climax, your walls clenching around him over and over again, the first time you'd come from anything other than clitoral stimulation.

Jacob quickly follows you over the edge, his cum shooting inside of you, hot and plentiful as he moans into your hair.

Once the two of you settle, coming down from your orgasms, he slowly eases you onto your back once more, removing his cock from you inch-by-inch, his cum spilling out of you, onto the ground.

"There's so much of it," you say, surprised, looking up to him, noticing his member was coated in it, sticky cum dripping from the tip still.

He smirks, looking between your spread legs where your cunt was now just a messy red hole—covered in him—needing to be filled again. "And there's plenty more, trust me."

[cod-dump]

I am going to spam you for all eternity, I hope you know this. I do this because I wuv you and you're awesome and I need someone to take my excess brainrot

So, here enjoy some random incorrect quotes of the COD boys

*Based on quotes from a discord I'm in with friends*

Ghost, suffering blood loss: It's fine, I've got big enough ass cheeks now

Nik, in a bad mood ranting to Laswell about his day: Then there's that one fucking bitch boy that likes to fly around and fuck me in the ass!! Soap: Countdowns get me going. Soap, surrounded by shrapnel from a recent failed experiment: So many trials, all error. Ghost, doing his usual banter with Soap: What do condiments say when they're constipated? 'I mus-turd' Gaz, on some painkillers or something: Why can't I have the confidence of a squirrel stealing from a bird feeder? Price, sleep deprived: I just poured lemonade into my cereal. Ghost, also sleep deprived and hunched over in a field: Strip mice to the bone Gaz, who couldn't sleep and was innocently taking a walk: What the fuck? Soap, trying to impress Ghost with his cooking skills: Everyone thinks the human existence revolves around sex, but really it is potato. Ghost, staring with adoration and thinking to himself: *I'm gonna marry him so hard cause he's so stupid* Gaz, playing a game: Dude, I just deepthroated a bear! Soap: That sounds bear-y wrong Gaz, laughing: It is bear-y up my ass now! Ghost: Your problems sound un-bear-able Soap, dying: He's bear-ly holding on Price, crying into his tea: Please stop

*Based on an actual conversation I had with my mom*

Price: God, I'm so stressed out. Between Soap's head injury, Gaz's random bout of chronic stomach issues, and Nik... being Nik, I've got too much stress. Paperwork is honestly the least of my concerns right now. Ghost: Yeah, you know it's bad when your autistic kid is the least problematic. Price, trying not to laugh and cry: Simon, no- Ghost: What? Tell me I'm wrong! I'm just chilling, ya know? Price: What does that even mean???

I've got plenty more, say the word and they're yours ;)

(I have not slept and have too much energy I am so sorry XD)

Oh my god I fucking love these. Wouldn’t mind being spammed lol

[scifimedic]

Hi! I just found your blog and noticed you have some posts where you explain how to write certain medical conditions, and I was wondering - could you perhaps do a post on blood poisoning, please? I am struggling with it a little lol.

I have a character that got stabbed, and I don't know what are the odds they could get blood poisoning and if yes, how fast and generally how it progresses.

If you don’t have time or something, don't sweat it, it's just a silly idea I got lol :D

Episode 4 of SciFiMedic Explains: How do I write sepsis?

Hi Anon!

So, your character got themselves stabbed, huh? Before we get to the nuts and bolts of how this is going to progress, we have to clear up a little choice of words here. 

The term blood poisoning is not the medically correct term for an infection inside the blood- we call it sepsis. Unless you meant literal poison from the weapon (which I can do a follow-up post on, if that’s the case) I’m going to guess that we’re talking about a severe, system-wide infection of the blood. 

Let’s walk through a few options: 

Scenario 1: 

Your character is stabbed in an area with lots of big blood vessels (highlighted red in diagram), and while everyone does all they can, the poor guy quickly dies of blood loss. There’s no time for infection to set in. 

Scenario 2: 

Your character is stabbed in a non-lethal area, like the arms, legs, or shallowly on the gut (highlighted green in diagram) They’re able to bandage themselves up, or maybe someone helps them out and they manage to get the bleeding stopped. 

Unfortunately, 12 hours later, they notice red streaking coming from around the wound. They also: 

Feel freezing cold, but have a high temperature

Are dizzy

Are shivering

Can’t quite catch their breath and feel the need to pant

Throw up

Look pale

These are all signs of the injury going septic, which is when the infection spreads away from the site of the wound and into the bloodstream. It happens fast. From the onset of these symptoms, they can be dead within only 12 hours. 

Here’s what needs to happen for them to survive: 

1: Hospital. No buts, no delay. If you want them to survive, they need advanced medical treatment, detailed below. (I will allow for a field hospital, or a makeshift hospital with a trained professional and plenty of supplies.) 

2: Blood and wound cultures. This means taking a small tube of blood from the arm, rubbing a cotton swab in the wound, and then sending both samples to the lab for study. They will smear the sample on a slide, put it in a warm, wet environment, and wait for it to grow out. Then, they’ll pop it under a microscope and run chemical tests on it to find out what the infection is. This process can take up to 4 days. The good news? The more pathogens that’s in the sample, the faster it will grow out. If you have blood that is severely infected, it could take as little as 12 hours to see results. (I know this from personal experience.) 

If you’re in a field hospital, unfortunately this is a luxury you don’t have. See next step. 

3: IV antibiotics immediately. Since you don’t know the bacteria causing the sepsis, you don’t know which antibiotic to give. Good news, people a lot smarter than I have created a plan for this. 

3a: According to this study done by the National Library of Medicine, 67.9% of people presenting outside a hospital setting had their wounds infected with either Staphylococcus aureus or Pseudomonas aeruginosa.  3b. Thankfully, we have two very strong antibiotics- Vancomycin and Ciprofloxacin- that can each treat these pathogens. Unfortunately, each antibiotic is effective against only one of these pathogens, and nearly useless (or has developed resistance) against the other one!  3c. Good news, these antibiotics can be safely run together. Boom, you’ve just slammed (and it’s a slam- these drugs are horrible for you long term) 67.9% of patients with the right antibiotics to start treating their sepsis.  3d. What about the other 32.1% you may be asking? Good news, they’re not doomed. Just because a given antibiotic isn’t the best choice against a certain pathogen, it doesn't mean it will be completely ineffective. You may be buying them more time for the cultures to come back. You can also take your next best guess, and switch the antibiotics after a few hours if they aren’t having any effect. 

4. Fluids. IV time! The biggest tell that someone has sepsis is that their blood pressure plummets to dangerous levels (which is what will eventually kill them, but we’ll get to that.) In order to prevent that drop, we need to raise the blood pressure by adding more volume to the blood through fluids. They might also need a blood transfusion, depending on how much blood they lost from the initial stab wound. 

It’s important to note that it may not be possible to gain IV access, because when the blood pressure is that low, the veins tend to shrivel up and disappear (not literally.) In that case, your next best option is an IO, which is a needle drilled into the center of the upper arm bone, or lower leg bone. Yes, it hurts. 

5. Vasopressors. Fancy name for medications that force the blood pressure to come up. There are four main pressors: 

Norepinephrine

Epinephrine

Phenylephrine

Vasopressin

They should be added in that order, although this article admits there isn’t too much hard evidence to back this up.

It’s important to note that this is ICU level care, and unless we’re in the middle of the woods, we will have transferred there.

How do you know if it’s time to add another pressor? You’re not getting the results you need- AKA the blood pressure is continuing to stay or fall too low. In the ICU, we use a different measure of blood pressure that most people aren’t as familiar with, called a MAP score. It’s easy, I promise. 

We use this method because it’s more representative of the amount of blood actually getting to the organs- though that is debated quite a bit in various circles. In America however, that’s the way most ICUs do it. 

The ultimate goal for a sepsis case is to have a MAP above 65 mmHg. You can use this calculator to play around with the numbers and see if the blood pressure you’re thinking is within those parameters. If it’s not, time for another pressor. 

At this point, your character is passed out most of the time. They’ve got a high fever, rapid heart beat, and are covered in sweat. They might also have a seizure from the fever and general stress on their body- at the very least they’ll be shaking from the chills. Their skin will be very, very pale, and might look kinda blue or gray in places- kinda like spots. 

6. Hold your breath. No, not literally. But at this point, you’ve done all you can and you have to wait for them to either get better, or get worse. 

If they get better, they’ll slowly start to maintain their own blood pressure, the fever will come down, and they’ll be able to string a coherent sentence together again. Recovery from sepsis can take a long, long time- as many as two to four months in the hospital. It totally depends on the person and how strong they are. The fittest, luckiest patient I’ve seen recover from sepsis was with us in the ICU for three weeks, then spent another month in a step down unit doing various therapies to regain strength. 

However… if we’re looking at failure… well, then it’s time to move onto scenario 3. 

Scenario 3: 

After completing all of the above steps, they end up getting worse. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault- sepsis is fickle and kills fast. At this point, their kidneys are starting to fail from the inadequate blood pressure- you’ll need dialysis for that. They might stop breathing, or be unable to oxygenate their blood properly, then they’ll need a ventilator. At this point, they’re not stable enough to go into surgery anymore, so there’s no hope there. Eventually, the high fever will cause seizures, which will lead very quickly to brain death. As little as 12 hours after the initial dizziness and red streaks, their heart stops and they’re pronounced dead. 

Summary: 

The odds of your character developing sepsis from a non-fatal stab wound without immediate medical care are high- 90% 

If they’re rushed to a hospital, their odds are better- 50%

If they do develop sepsis inside a hospital, they’re likley to survive- only 10.55% of people die of this kind of wound infection.

If they develop sepsis outside a hospital, then it’s almost certain they will die- 99% 

Disclaimer: Although I’m in school to become a medical professional, I’m not one yet. All mistakes are mine, and I’m always open to discussion.

Anon, this was a fun prompt! If this isn’t quite what you were looking for, feel free to submit another ask with more follow up questions!

Everyone else, also feel free to send me an ask, or reblog this (or any SciFiMedicExplains Episode) with a scene you’d like me to help you write!

[astronnova]

don't know if you still like scatter & wilt, but if you could make it canon (friendship, romance, doesn't matter) how would you do it within the story and if you could bend the canon?

see, thats where you're wrong. i've never stopped liking scatter & wilt. i've been on the scatter and wilt train since i was 14. im over 18 now. the locomotive will not be stopping either. im in this for the long haul

SO LIKE .... okay, in my head, i'd loooove canon s&w, but also i don't think them being a Canon Romantic Pairing would be the best. when i write stories i perosnally don't write that many romances, and in a show like RWBY i think there shouldn't be any focal romances (esp. since the showrunners have proven time and time again they have no idea what the hell they're doing). the show should focus on the character relationships but ... not romantic. dear God not romantically

THIS GOT LONG

IF I WERE TO MAKE S&W (of any form) CANON THOUGH... first we gotta overhaul the whole show. its garbage. we gotta restart. go back to beacon we're starting over.

hell FIRST fix is to make adam & blake not romantic ex's . he was her mentor, she looked up to him, he's like one or two years older than her. adam is mentored by sienna, who stokes the fire of his rage against the humans. blake and adam's falling out is over blake still choosing to see the good in humans while adam rejects them due to his past. he is NOT, i repeat NOT a crazy incel ex. WE ARE NOT DOING THAT HERE! ❌❌❌ NO SIR!

making adam crazy over blake only instead of keeping him focused on his ideals (like v1-(early)3 adam) keeps the faunus subplot from being swept under the rug like it is in canon

THE NEXT FIX. ruby's main struggle is her trying to come into her own as a leader. she has stage fright, she's socially awkward, she was bumped up one grade (ONE, not two this time), and her teammates don't take her seriously because of her lack of field experience despite her being a combat and intellectual prodigy.

the thing that drew me originally to s&w was their shared themes of red/black and roses, specifically rose petals played a huge part in their semblance. both left behind rose petals after using their semblance of speed and disintegration respectfully. it was very , very cool. 14 year old me then thought about how they could be narrative foils too. SO THATS WHAT WE'RE DOING LOL

adam is really interesting as an antagonist because he perfectly foils all four of the main girls. yang and adam with anger issues that are reflected in their semblances (even though v1-3 yang never had issues but whatever), blake for obvious reasons, WEISS for obvious reasons (seriously missed opportuninty), and finally ruby due to their opposing leadership roles.

adam is someone who is comfortable in a leadership role, he knows what he's doing. he's had plenty of experience and those that follow him know his capabilities and greatly respect him. he's an excellent leader, and he's devoted himself to his ideals and fights for his cause. he inspires others to fight with him and follow him. ruby, on the other hand, has no idea what she's doing.

she's awkward, she stutters, and not even her team take her seriously, much less other people. hell, ruby doesn't even have a concrete reason for wanting to become a huntress at this early point, all she knows is that she wants to be a hero and that her mother was her hero and a huntress, so that means being a huntress is being a hero. she doesnt know what being a hero means yet though

adam on the other hand knows what being a hero is, to him at least. its fighting for the people that can't fight for themselves, for the oppressed. using his strength to tear down those that abuse their strength and make them suffer in the opressed's place

apart of me wants to say that adam believes humans should instead be oppressed for. like. narrative reasons i guess? but also heres the thing i am aware that i am not able to do this subplot justice and def cant write up a nice draft on my first try right here. so i am going to politely leave it there for anyone else with more experience with this topic to attempt adding on if they wish. i think the main point im trying to make is that adam's idea of heroism needs to be strong, yet also he has to be wrong in some sort of way which is what separates him from the protagonists. he Goes To Far, or something. i dont know. i dont think i can write that well enough at this point in time too

so all this set up comes to this: their relationship. i think having ruby and adam meet outside of any combat related circumstance would be a pretty cool way to have them introduced to eachother, and opens up the chance for dialogue. i can't see them attempting to talk during a fight, and the only fight i can think of happening with the white fang is the breach in v2 where ruby and adam could meet. but at that point, ruby would either know about adam through blake and be wary, or blake would see adam and point out who he is. my point is that i think they need to meet outside of their own circles for a real chance at having them converse with narrative weight. could also make it a stressful scene where the audience knows whats going on while ruby does not.

ruby might meet adam at night in vale, in a shady back alley as she takes shortcuts to get back to beacon while blake talks to weiss or yang about her past mentor. blake could describe how much he loathes humans, and that he would hurt a human on sight simply because, overlayed with ruby seeing adam in an alleyway or something. the audience is on edge, blake is on edge, adam is on edge, and ruby is clueless. having the scene end with adam not attacking ruby and instead having him leave her unharmed releases the tension from the audience while also having them immediately question blake. was blake embellishing the truth? or was she simply telling her truth? especially for a character who's whole thing is lies and misdirection. could be interesting i think.

any conversation adam and ruby do have would be their opposing views on what being a hero means, and what you have to do as a hero. more so, ruby not knowing what heroism means to her besides it being ideallic while adam is much more jaded and set in stone about what heroism means. gimmie that juicy narrative conflict. the conflicting ideals. thats what im here for.

if there is a reveal for ruby that he is adam of the white fang, or his past with blake, or anything, you could easily slot in a betrayal element (but id rather save betrayal for cinder and ruby) or something. maybe the white fang aren't as antagonistic as they are in the show proper (to the point of Evil Pokemon Organization for the sake of it), or something, but i could see adam mentioning at some point that a leader must be a rock, or something along the lines of why he succeeds in leadership. maybe during a fight? who the hell knows. he plants ideas in rubys head about heroism, that maybe heroism isnt just upholding the law or upholding the current system. he makes her, and the audience, think. thats the important part

eventually at the end of an arc, or something, i think ruby would be able to answer him confidently about what it means to be a hero to her, and that their definitions are similar, but not the same, and that is why they'll remain on opposing sides until one budges. and both are incredibly stubborn. i think ruby's conclusion of what being a hero is, is to help those that cannot help themselves and to see the good in the world no matter what. one of her key traits is her optimism compared to everyones pessimism.

maybe some reasons for adam's interest in ruby is that optimism of hers. he used to be younger and idealistic too, but the world is cruel and he has seen the worst that the world has to offer, stuff like that. he finds it frustrating, or maybe even annoying, that the system that thrives off putting him and his people down creates naive shut ins like ruby. maybe he then respects her and sees her as an equal after she figures out how she sees the world. or something. ruby sees the good in everyone despite the horrors people throw at her, and maybe she inspires him to do the same. idk

this is all not even talking about the can of worms that is weiss and adam. which is also so interesting to me but they just didnt tickle 14 year old me's brain so. im stuck with the Rarest Rarepair. all aboard lol

i find it so interesting how they could be represented by monty's distinction, ruby is scatter, and adam is wilt. two different ways for dealing with conflict despite their similar appearances of something traditionally sweet and loving: roses

now if i wasn't just writing a story with an exploration of themes and you just told me to take what i want and force two characters together to make out, yeah id have ruby and adam tongue sloppy. who's gonna stop me

[kuromi-hoemie]

10 and 24?

10: About someone I think is funny: random tumblr users and kids lmao 😭 and me..

further out of my sphere i love Kennie JDs personality so much. fellow black woman rawdogging ADD

she has a YouTube channel and has a “Bad movies and a beat” playlist where she talks about bad movies while putting her makeup on. she's so gorgeous and her looks come out beautiful and her personality is a huge part of the draw 😹 she's sorta got a series within that series too called “Good movies and a glam” which is the same thing p much but she talks about movies she enjoyed.

we don't fully overlap in our interests but she talks about horror movies sometimes and i love listening to her talk and watching her reaction to things. there are definitely some videos that have me stopping like 5-10 minutes in like wait let me go watch the movie first bc this sounds like it's gonna be an Experience. i think it's very validating and fun to see how she feels about things I've seen, and even if it's stuff I'm not interested in i still think it's fun to see her do her thing :3

sometimes she does a good analysis, sometimes it's more of a summary w some thoughts and reactions here and there, and for some she's just does a straight reaction to it bc she doesn't think there's really anything to talk about. the worse the movie is the funnier she is 💀 but she's just funny period. Atlanta queen 🫶🏾

comedy is a hard one for me.. there's a lot of jokes and comedians that don't really land for me but i think it's bc I've always been surrounded by ppl i think are funnier or more outta pocket offline and online.. something something ppl who try to be funny vs ppl who just are.

24. An unusual talent I have: o: i don't know.. electrical engineering i suppose? as an end to end process w schematic design, 3d modelling and printing, soldering n circuitry etc. i think it's very rewarding to have a bespoke thing that's the only one of its kind.. technology that does exactly what u want it to do nothing more nothing less no unwanted upgrades/planned obsolescence/privacy policies/cloud bs etc. u can make technology do plenty off of ur home network alone, if u want it to be controllable/accessible from a network at all. i only call this strange in the sense that it's not common.. but in another perspective i think I'm v good at tinkering with stuff in general!! I've built and taken apart enough things in life that a lot of stuff feels very intuitive atp, more so for furniture or something more.. mechanical, than electronics but I'm good at tinkering w that too :3

not good enough to be able to tell which specific part of a complicated circuit board stopped working (unless there's obv physical damage or a disconnected cable), but i can put stuff together from scratch or bypass certain things for more desired behavior. like i built an ebike once but instead of using its pedal assistance i bypassed it and just made it full throttle. it did like 32mph lol 😭 i made that when covid first hit and i didn't want to bus anymore but i usually otherwise make stuff for taking care of my indoor gardens, when i have them (i do not rn). a simple and handy one to do is replacing a battery source with an AC adapter so u can get full power and the thing will never die on u. or at least when it does it's in the way that all electronics will eventually stop working after enough use, but nothing's died on me yet :3

also making web tools for data analysis! (or just something u can use in the browser basically but it's on ur computer not The Internet™). i don't have the time to educate myself in other fields fully but i do like looking at the data they produce and learning more about things that way!! my favorite visualizations to make are maps but I'll make utilities that i can use to strategize for my games sometimes too.

oh and i also like modding games :3 i have made my own mods for 13 games so far. playing the game is already nice but to me it's about really fine tuning the experience to be how i want it to be and making it my own. sometimes I'll start modding before even starting the game 💀 like hmm let me take a peek at what y'all got going on here, then being like eh that sounds annoying I'll just do this instead. my favorite game to mod is elden ring, their spell system has a LOT of different pieces and phases and effects of spells that u can mix and match and chain together to make ur own spells. in this way getting a new game can be like getting a new project at times, and when i don't wanna do that i just use WeMod and call it a day :3

[mosneakers]

Do you have any tips and tricks for someone (me) starting a sims story to post on Tumblr? Asking for a friend (it's me. I'm the friend)

omggg you're askin me? 🥺

I'm not sure I'm the best simblr to ask because I'm not in it for the trends or popularity; I'm all about the interaction and finding others to talk to at length about my delusional fictional universe that's been going on for over a decade now lol. But let me try:

*puts on my mother glasses* There are two ways to go about it; depending on your goals. There are plenty of exceptions, but simblr sorta has a formula you can follow. Get ready for some contradictions haha

if you aim to appease the simblr community:

reshade/gshade mixed with photo-editing is generally a must. Simblr users will gravitate to pretty pictures, so even if you're an excellent writer, people usually won't give it a second look unless something attracts them to it. The sims is pretty ugly without filters and such, and it will enhance the experience as well. Bonus if you crank up the mxao and depth of field but I prefer to take it a little easy on those lol

CC. Not necessarily a must, but simblr in particular usually hates vanilla sims. same explanation as above, slather those suckers in skin details!!

poses poses poses. readers love reading stories with poses and they spit on screenshots with only game animations! (tbh those game animations do get pretty repetitive after a while so I kinda get it)

Read stories. I'm not much of a reader personally, but there's a huge imbalance in the reader-writer ratio on simblr, and lots of simblrs will return the favor if you read theirs too. Be careful, though; getting stuck in a transactional mutualship can lead to tricky dynamics. Only reach out to other stories if you're genuinely interested in following more stories, not just to gain readers.

BUT, with all that being said, as an "elder" of the simblr community, please consider this as permission to say screw any and all of those above tips if they don't align with your goals.

If your goal is to just have fun and relax:

reshade/gshade. Because let's be real the game's graphics are very depressing. It's not actually a must if you're just enjoying yourself, but if you find the right settings and just play, so you can spend minimal or even no time editing your photos. There are lots of tutorials that explain how to set it up. If you can't figure it out or don't feel like it, that's also not a big deal.

I can be a controlling sim god when it comes to my stories, and I have most things planned out. HOWEVER sometimes it's a little fun to let the sims drive their own storylines. If something is just not working, I consider that a sign to let the story flow in a slightly different direction. IF you're planning on writing gameplay stories/writing as you go, as I do. (which has its own challenges lol)

Sometimes it can be tempting to let readers sway the way the story is going. Sometimes that is a strategy that works. But if you have a storyline that you're confident in, own it and let it play out. Even if the whole community (and your spouse) wants that alien character to go die, you have him there for a reason, trust in the power of your storytelling 😜

Despite being a pose creator, I find using poses kinda tedious and sucks the life and immersion out of the story and gameplay personally, if used too much. Trust me, I do use my fair share of them, but I do try to use the game animations whenever possible. When I do use poses, I personally prefer to keep the expressions very maxis-y.

Don't try to be like any one particular simblr. With a community where we all pull from the same CC and game pack pools, there's bound to be overlap in aesthetics, storylines, and concepts. Definitely find inspiration in all your faves but do what works best for you but don't feel some sort of way if your screenshots don't look exactly like PastelPlumbobPixelLlama's game, despite you downloading all the content and presets from their resource page! You have your own style babe and it's way more unique ♥

Post a "New Story/New simblr" post to get the word out about your story.

PLEASE don't ever get discouraged by notes because you are perfect and creative and if others don't understand your genius that's them problem ok <3

sorry it's so long ;-; there's probably more but that's what came to my mind off the bat.

[rileylou99]

The Eras Tour is SO MUCH bigger than people are giving credit for

Hi, these are my observations of the era's tour after going to the Santa Clara Night 1 show.

PEOPLE ARE NOT GIVING TAYLOR EVOUGH CREIT FOR THE ABSOLUTE ATHLETE SHE HAS BECOME

She is playing three hour shows while singing and dancing and RUNNING basically the length of a foot ball field. Santa Clara is home to the Levi's stadium which is HUGE but also obviously a football stadium. She doesn't take any intermission and really only gets a break when she's doing an outfit change which were not longer than maybe a minute or two. As someone who has done theater, costume changes are not a break at all, she possibly got a sip or two of water and changed while also moving half a football stadium in length. She looks SUPER FIT buy also very healthy. She has been known for being extremely vocal about how her weight has been unhealthy on tour and how it made it extremely hard so just the physical training she has to have done along with vocal training to sing HUGE NOTES and continuous for three hours is amazing. and I know someone is going to say " oh she's not singing live its recorded" I CAN GARENTY SHE IS AT LEAST 90% of the time because you could hear it in the speakers from the third tier of the stadium. if she was recorded, I wouldn't be able to hear in the speakers her vocal influxes so don't even try. Her vocals sound different every night, with different high notes and adlibs she adds in. ( Also she hella messed up the words on one of her songs sooooo)

2. THE STAGING IS EXCEPTIONAL

I know lots of artist are putting on exceptional stages and as someone who frequents concerts, there is a lot to take away visually from what her and her team did. The dancing was very clearly choreographed to be visible from both the floor level and the highest seats. the formations were EXCELENT, the movements were LARGE and the lines were beautiful. Along with the dancers being AMAZING the stage was made of screens that were constantly having some visual that either acted as a backdrop to those of us high in the stadium and mirrored the backdrop that she has playing which also integrated the camera visual. Lots of artist have screens and they just project different camera angles but the large cream changed from a full back drop to multiple screens, to two tall screens. The staging has a beautiful musical theater feel to it that it elevates the songs and how the experience is felt in the audience. there was only a few moments from the high level that I couldn't either see he on the stage or on a screen and part of that was speakers and part of that was a very tall man just happen to be in front of me. Her costumes are EXCUISIT and I know plenty of people have talked about them and while I now REALLY WANT her purple dress from our show because its was so fluffy, enough places are talking about her costumes that I'm not gonna rant about them because I could just gush.

3. HER SETLIST IS CRAFTED BEAUTIFLY

Taylor has been known for having great shows since she was like, 19 that's been kind of her legacy and this blew away my expectations. I am not a self proclaimed "swifty". In wasn't a huge fan of her music in my teens years and I really only knew songs because they were on the radio in the car and we didn't have CD's playing lol. I only got into her music once her album Fokelore came out in 2020 as it was lockdown and I honestly was going through a lot emotionally and that album accompanied my healing very well. This tour has a collection of her songs but she has a huge discography so she cant possibly play every song but she plays ALOT! Some songs are the whole song =, she will fuse a course with a verse and maybe two to transition into another song, but she plays a lot of songs going from early country to her folk songs to her super synth pop albums and while not everyone will be happy because their favorite song may not have been played, I would be very surprised if someone left that show disappointed. I got lucky with our show because she played at least a quarter of the songs from my two favorite albums, but it was a great playlist that gave someone a song they could scream ( I screamed a lot and I am feeling it but so worth it ).

Was this show the best show I've seen as a fan of her music, yes. Would I argue everyone agree, of course not. If she isn't an artist you enjoy, I'm not sure you would have a good time, but the statement that it is a well crafted performance is indisputable. NOW DO I THINT SANTA CLARA NEEDS TO GET CROWD CONTROLL, yes!. Dear god, I understand the stadium is in an unfortunate spot, as it is 90% residential, yes but my god it it was like leaving a theme park at closing on a holiday . 70,000 sold seats, and while they did close 5 streets in every directions, it took way to long to just walk away from the stadium. I would not feel safe leaving a football game from this stadium and the only reason this crowd didn't make me nervous was the fact it was like 80% 16-25 year old girls moving like a zombie horde.

I spent at most 400 bucks between my ticket, hotel, food and drinks and gas and I would say its WELL WELL worth it. If you have been debating going to her next tour, I would 100% recommend.

So thank you Taylor Swift for an amazing show.

[moonjvwon]

Honestly, Seungtak is an incredibly inspiring character in terms of dealing with fears and traumas.

While a lot of the things he went through tie into something supernatural that the average person obviously doesn't experience, he's built up in a very realistic and relatable way.

He went through something horrible with his father's death when he was only eight - and he blamed himself for it no less. He even said that adults used to tell him he got his father killed. That accident in itself would be traumatic for any young kid, and he further had to deal with this enormous guilt.

And things weren't great otherwise either. He said he was bullied by other kids; it sounds like a lonely childhood with not many people to support him. Then, of course, add to that his sudden ability to see spirits, which terrified him to the point he would have suicidal thoughts back then. All of that is a whole load of shit to deal with.

And so he developed two main mechanisms to protect himself:

1. Put on a happy-go-lucky facade. His mother observed this very directly, saying he would always put on the act of a bright, happy kid to please her and likely also to try and convince himself he wasn't a lonely, traumatized and terrified child.

2. Ignore things. Like how he trained himself so well to pretend he couldn't see any spirits. If they weren't there, he wouldn't have to face them.

Essentially, that's escapism in textbook form. He spent many years running away from all the things that haunted him because acting like everything was fine would prevent him from having to face his fears and trauma directly.

But you can't run forever, and Seungtak learns this the hard way over the course of the show. But it's incredible how he does it.

He physically cannot see himself performing surgeries and the like because it ties into both his main fears:

1. The spirits. Having them hover over his shoulder, slowly fading away as he's their only hope...? That's terrifying.

2. Having someone die because of him. The inability to save someone and the idea of being respnsible for someone's death haunts him as a result of what happened with his father.

And yet. He tries. For Youngmin, he tries to put all that aside and over those 3 months in these 16 episodes, he slowly but surely conquers his fears.

And it's not a smooth ride either. There are setbacks. When that one patient dies on him in the OR, he goes right back to an old habit: running away. He runs away and locks himself up in an empty apartment because he's fucking terrified and full of guilt and it's all come back to him like when he was eight.

And yet he does not give up. He picks himself up and tries again, continues to make slow steps forward.

And, in the end, he does it. They pull through with the operation on Youngmin and Seungtak finishes it up and essentially saves his life. And it's not just so important because he saves his professor's life but also because this is where he truly conquers the fears that had been burdening him for so long.

He manages to finish a surgery even though the spirit of the person on the table hovers around him. He overcomes his paralysis caused by the possibility of not being able to save that person.

He didn't run from it. He could have. He could have swapped places with Dr. An and let him finish, but Youngmin encouraged him to do it himself and he did.

He saved someone's else's life, but also his own by slowly facing and overcoming these life-altering fears and traumas.

In conclusion? Seungtak is absolutely incredible and I think he can inspire people who also suffered terrible things.

It's never easy to face your worst nightmares, but it's possible and it will enhance your life greatly. Seungtak is a wonderful example.

[yourlocalweirdo-3000]

Hello, hope ur having a great day. I came here with a request that I really wanna read it from u especially lol can I ask for Smoker react to their lover's death in results of sacrifice herself for him? Be as evil as this one I want ✨DETAILS ✨ 😭 feel free ignoring this and wish you a wonderful day ❤️

Hehehehehe 😈 was very evil with this, and there's plenty of detail (over a thousand words), I hope you like it! Thank you for requesting, hope you're having a wonderful day too :)

The Death of You — Smoker x Reader

Tags: angst and maybe a tiny bit of comfort.

Format: Scenario

Trigger warnings: death and grief; blood is talked about a couple times. Lmk if I missed any!

It was supposed to be an easy mission, but somehow you and Smoker got separated from the rest of the group.  Now here you were, fighting off wave after wave of foes all by yourselves.  You’ve taken down dozens and finally, finally, things start to let up.

That is, until you notice someone you previously hadn’t.  A man, armament haki fully engaged, about to deliver a killing blow to your beloved.  In the split second it takes you to notice it, your body reacts accordingly.  Before anyone can even blink, you’re in front of Smoker intending to deliver a killing blow yourself.  It works, but it costs your life.

The final foe has been taken care of, and in the field of bodies a grieving Smoker holds you close as you experience your final moments- not caring about how your blood is slowly soaking his clothes.  It shouldn’t have been so easy to kill you, yet here he was, watching the life literally bleed out of you.  All of it- his rank, his proficiency in battle, his devil fruit power- all of it was worthless when it couldn’t keep you alive. Later on, when he gets back and removes his clothes in the privacy of his personal quarters, he stares at the blood- your blood- on his coat and cries and cries and cries. 

If only he had noticed that attack sooner. 

“It hurts.” You’re looking at him with an unfocused gaze. He’s done all he can to stop the bleeding, but it’s too late.  All he can do is ease your passing.

“I don’t want to die.” You tell him with tears in your eyes. He tries with everything he has to keep his own tears at bay and holds you closer.

“I know.”  Regardless of his efforts, you feel tears plink your face, the sensation giving you brief clarity. 

“Baby…” Your trembling hand softly meets his cheek and you force a smile.  “I can’t make it this time.  Promise me you won’t die here with me.” 

“How can I?!”  His voice cracks as he slumps over your form.  Your tears fall freely; you know it’s going to be hell for him to try and recover from this.  

“I don’t know.  But you have to promise me, or I swear I’ll haunt you.”  You try to joke.

He can’t sum up any laughter and begins settling down, well aware that these are your last moments.  He wipes his tears.

“I love you (Y/n).”  His lip trembles, “I will never forget what you mean to me, what you did for me.  I…I promise.”

"Good. I'll be waiting for you, wherever I go next, but keep your promise okay?" You kiss him one last time, your grief mingling into each other's. "You're my everything.  I love you too." You close your eyes, and that's it. You're gone. 

    You're gone and it's all his fault.  If you hadn't taken that blow for him, you'd still be here.  The coming weeks that follow are the worst of his life.  

    He throws himself into work and pretends he's okay. Everyone can tell something is wrong but few address it.  Tashigi tries her best to help but she can't do much when he won't let her.  

    He wants to keep his promise but he honestly can't at first.  The pain is so immense that it's all he feels, all he thinks about.  Nothing he does comes without the reminder of you and it's agonizing.  He takes unnecessary risks, smokes more than ever, and takes little care of himself.  He doesn't sleep, barely eats, and spends all his time working or training himself to the point of collapse.  Smoker is no stranger to the loss of a comrade, a brother, but you were more than that and something irreplaceable. 

    He still dreams of you every night. 

    The grief reaches its peak after a reckless move almost results in his death.  One second he's in the heat of the battle, the next moment he's hit and knocked out.  He's rushed to the hospital and fixed up physically, but he still hasn't woken.  

    And then there's you.  Beautiful, beautiful (Y/n).  In the foggiest depths of his mind, he finds you sitting on a riverbank under a willow tree; sun dapples your skin, highlighting your best features as the wind softly ruffles the grass.  

    He breaks into a sprint and reaches you in seconds with a sob of your name.  You hold him, trembling, and cry too.  

   "What did you do? Why are you here?!" You exclaim.

   He's shaking like a leaf, tears pouring.  

   "I'm so sorry!" He sobs.  "I couldn't keep my promise! Nothing is worth it without you!" 

   "Smoker..." You push him back to look him in the eyes, face wet with tears and with the most pained expression. "I know.  I could see you.  My heart hurts that I can't be with you right now.  But now is not your time.  Your men still need you, and Tashigi does too.  And what about all the good you can do in your position?" 

    He knows you're right, choosing to remain silent and continue holding you.  

    "It's not your fault." 

     There it is, the words he needed to hear the most.  He breaks down, shoulders shaking with the force of his crying.  You hold him and cry with him for several minutes.

    Then his body starts fading, and he panics.  

   "Where am I going?" 

   "You're going back." You hold a brave face for him.  "Be strong for me.  You're loved.  You're needed.  Listen to Tashigi. It's not your fault."

   "No no no no no," he holds you tighter even as he fades, "please, I'm not ready, please not again!" 

    "Me neither, but we have to be." Your tears start falling through his form.  "I love you."

    "(Y/n)—" is the last thing you hear before he leaves.  You hold your arms in the air where he was for a second before dropping them.  You heave with sobs, and move over to the river to watch him.  

From your point of view, you watch him come-to in the empty hospital room.  After a few moments, he slowly moves and writes something on a little notepad that was on the table next to him.  

He positions the pad in a place he hope you can see: 

    "I love you too.  I'll try my best."

Fun facts:

-You and Tashigi were close friends while you were alive.

-Tashigi took care of your burial while Smoker grieved.

-She's the one who got grief counseling for him and herself, and Smoker agrees to the counseling after some convincing.

© yourlocalweirdo-3000

finished and posted: Jul. 8, 2022

[skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru]

I'm not sure Gojo has ever even shown an interest to any girls.

He calls Utahime weak and teases her by making fun of her, essentially- which she hates. Mei Mei is incredibly strong and beautiful, and Gojo acknowledges her skill but that's it. I also noticed that in the anime (the manga doesn't have honorifics, so please correct me if I'm wrong) but he calls her Mei-san rather than Mei Mei. Therefore, I don't think he ever tried to get much closer to her than the interactions we've seen. When she asks him if he'd comfort her if she cried, he tells her that's she strong- she wouldn't cry. I thought it was interesting that while Mei Mei's question was slightly flirty, Gojo answered so simply, without any teasing.

He calls Shoko by her first name, which is understandable since they spend more time together being in the same grade. He realizes that her ability is rare and useful, but like with Utahime and Mei Mei he doesn't go any further than that. He mostly speaks to her about work related things and doesn't flirt or tease much at all.

Honestly, I think Gojo actually respects his female colleagues and mostly pokes fun at Utahime because she's so uptight and strict. Shoko and Mei Mei are more relaxed and self-assured, and Gojo recognizes their skills and compliments them for it rather than teasing them. I doubt Gojo really thinks Utahime is truly weak more than he just loves riling her up. Other than that, Gojo's pretty respectful.

Also, in the Hidden Inventory arc, Gojo was bombarded with screaming from all the girls excited to see him. Other than pulling his shades down so they could see his face- after they asked him to, btw- he didn't really do much else. He didn't even react much to the teacher giving him her phone number. His only comment was "what a fun school," and it's interesting to see that while lots of girls do appreciate his looks, he acts only mildly amused.

Other than that one model as his wallpaper, we don't really see Gojo flirt or show interest with anyone. He only really teases Utahime to piss her off- I suspect he hates how much she follows the rules like Nanami does, who he teases often as well. He likely just enjoys annoying people so stern because rules just don't sit well with him (especially because of what those "rules" had done to Geto).

It's just a possibility, but he could be one of those guys who's more interested in work than pleasure- I know, he's handsome, but not all handsome people are players and cheaters. I think that's a horrible stigma and a lot of attractive people irl are judged and criticized solely for their looks. People make too many assumptions on someone just based on their genes, and I think it's pretty shallow to think Gojo's a womanizer just because he's attractive. And he knows he's attractive- but when did being confident in yourself make you a philanderer? Gojo has never used his looks manipulatively at all.

It's definitely a possibility that he would be a womanizer, but I'd say it's unlikely based in what we've seen. To sum it all up, Gojo doesn't show interest in anyone. He teases Utahime often, likely for the same reason be teases Nanami- they're too uptight. Shoko and Mei Mei are both incredibly skilled and beautiful sorcerers, and he does acknowledge and compliment them for it, but he doesn't tease or flirt with them. He's respectful, and he works with them as his colleagues. He didn't get distracted by the teen girls fawning over him either, or suddenly get overtly cocky or show off, only sliding his glasses down so they could see his face, and even then he acted only mildly amused. Also, when Miwa asked him for a picture, he didn't even stay and chat with her or anything (I know she's a minor, but if he truly was a womanizer, he would have at least stayed to hear her compliment him or anything to feed his ego) Maybe ask her "Oh, you want a picture with me? The strongest? How cute~" A flirty comment, a joke, something to fuel his own ego, but he doesn't do that. He doesn't act in a way that conveys he openly pursues attention from women. He just takes the picture with her and walks off casually.

Therefore, other than the fact that he's handsome- and I know many people who would assume things about someone based on their attractiveness, which is a terrible stereotype- Gojo doesn't show much interest in flirting at all. He could be the type of guy who works more than plays- and there's plenty of guys who are handsome but aren't super interested in playing around. Being handsome doesn't automatically mean he's the type to sneak around and have affairs here and there. It's completely realistic for a handsome man to be uninterested in any kind of relationships- not all men are sex crazed, and being a tease to his friends doesn't make Gojo a flirt either. Teasing your friends is perfectly normal.

Therefore, Gojo being a 28 year old virgin is totally possible- not everyone's a sex crazed teen who only thinks about what's between their legs, and basing it on what normal Japanese teens do is unfair. Neither Gojo or his lifestyle is exactly normal, and there's definitely barriers when it comes to experiencing normal youth activities for Gojo's generation- especially Gojo's generation. Yuji's generation definitely has more freedom to do fun things because of what Gojo has done to give the youth more freedom- things he hasn't been able to experience himself in his youth, like playing baseball during the exchange event. That was the first time they ever did something different to tradition, and that was only because of Gojo's consideration.

Gojo's youth was filled with blood, exorcising, and choosing between life and death. The deaths Yuji and co. witnessed were what Gojo experienced as well, if not worse. Gojo's task in his youth was to protect the weak, and he found that burdensome. At least, until Geto betrayed them, and Gojo realized the new burden he had to bear in changing the Jujutsu world because of what it had done to his only best friend.

There are definitely more important things in Gojo's mind than just losing his virginity, like saving people and choosing who to save, whether he should kill or not kill.

Gojo is the strongest, but he also bears the biggest burden- and that burden is something he chose to bear, and being the strongest is something he chose to be. Because before Geto left, it was "We are the Strongest." Now, Gojo worked tirelessly so that he could say "I am the Strongest."

And that's not something you can do while sleeping around. I think a lot of people fail to recognize just how hard Gojo works for himself and others. They just think, oh he's the strongest, so it should be easy for him. But it's really, really not that simple, is it? Especially when you have to do it on your own, and even then Gojo realizes that his strength alone isn't enough to save people. He can't save everyone by himself- It's not enough for just him to be the Strongest, so he works diligently to build and inspire his students to stand with him.

He's actually a very deep and emotional man who cares about his students and especially, even now, his best friend. Everything he does is for their sake- he sacrifices the normal life he could have lived, like Nanami had done, for their sake. And he fights with the higher ups, takes the brunt of their ire, and laughs it off, acting as if he fine, like a dad pretending he's superman for his kid's sake. But Gojo is burdened, and he's tired, and he hardly sleeps, and he has the most missions- he's the Strongest, which means everyone needs him, and he bears it.

Sorry for ranting again tho. I think I went into two different topics lol oops- 🤔

OUR SAVIOR 🤔 EDUCATING PEOPLE pay attention ya'll another thing I've noticed in the latest episode is that in his phone contacts he actually writes Utahime's name properly like formally no emojis or teasing shit he actually sees them as his colleagues people he can rely on his field of work and yes about the whole thing when he bursted into riko's class man was absolutely clueless just silent as a teacher tries to give him his number. I'm pretty sure as a child Gojo wasn't allowed to attend public schools due him being in danger or putting others in danger so he doesn't know much about public schools or normal people in general since he spends all his time with people from the jujutsu society.

That is definitely true just because someone is good looking that doesnt mean he's some cheap womanizer. I see a lot of people shipping him and Utahime together which is understandable ship who you like but I don't think Gojo as any ulterior motives like wooing Utahime by teasing her he just is plainly teasing ya know like friends do but in this case Utahime hates his guts and he doesnt know. I mean it takes some amount of hate to try to throw hot tea at someone 😂

While certainly I agree Gojo's teen like wasn't the best it was like he literally had a full time job at that age but who's to stay he didn't go messing around one time? I'm sure during his teen days he wanted to experience things he didnt get to to but now could because he lives on his own now. But maybe he didnt at all who knows? Which also raises another question, I wonder if he has any romantic experiences? And this was all before what happened in the hidden inventory arc after that I can see him more becoming invested in his duty and with what happened with geto as well would of definitely had a huge impact on him to try harder even though hes the strongest so that the next generation wouldn't have to experience the things he went through.

It's really sad if you really think about it what hes been through and what he has to shoulder all while keeping the facade that he's okay, I bet there were times he cursed his powers and his life....but he bears with it anyways because everyone is counting on him....

And don't be sorry at all! I am actually really learning alot about Gojo from you. Please continue to tell us your thoughts and feelings. I don't mind at all ❤ and thank you for taking the time to write 💕

[cadopan]

Arsenal’s player ratings for Arsenal vs Leicester City FAWSL Matchday 9 (4-0)

4 points clear at the top of the league is a massive way to be ending this week, after the glum results we were getting hit by. The team was more un-clinical than clinical today if we’re being honest, but Leicester did us a huge favour by keeping such a ridiculously high line throughout, they were basically saying “go ahead, attack the spaces behind our fullbacks with your speediest wingers” lol. Some big performances too which was nice to see.

Starting XI:

Lydia — 6/10. didn’t have a save to make all game, so it was good to see her get a feel for the grass again, but the important thing is that Manu finally got some rest after carrying the team on her back the last two games. Patsy — 6.5/10. pleasantly surprised to see her get a start (and Noelle getting rest), she did okay but she’s still raw so I can’t say I feel the most assured just yet. also likes to get forward aggressively, but doesn’t really do it in a measured way like Noelle does when she overlaps, and ends up caught out of position sometimes when the ball is lost, which is concerning. she got an entire 90 minutes under her belt though, so kudos to Jonas for that. Lotte — 6/10. good to see her back after an FA Cup final to forget, but still, giving the ball away too easily and too often. when is our defence going to get those sloppy mistakes out of their system? it’s good enough we aren’t being raided by a forward line like Barca’s or Chelsea’s, there is no reason to be making dangerous errors against a Leicester team that’s barely putting pressure on you. that CB situation is our glaring weak spot; Lotte is part of the future but even after Leah is back we need reinforcements in the next transfer window ASAP. Simone Boye — 6/10. i’ve said this before, but she is not convincing man. given that she’s a senior player with supposedly plenty of experience under her belt from Bayern and she’s a signing personally picked out by Jonas, i don’t see it. her ball control gave me mini-heart attacks at times and she isn’t an asset in terms of buildup because she doesn’t take risks with her passes into midfield or really know how to do anything except divert the ball to the sides. (and since the backline will inevitably be stuck with the most possession when playing against a congested low block aka most teams in the WSL, you can’t exactly be offering zero creativity as a CB when it comes to buildup play). edit: just re-watched the game, and she actually had a couple nice threaded passes to Parris so I was probably a little harsh on that buildup aspect. defensively still kinda suspect tho.

Katie — 6.5/10. meh, didn’t really affect the game but kept the left side pretty quiet for the time she was on so a rather ordinary, uneventful day at the office for her. someone needs to take her off free-kick duties though, what even was that mix-up with Jordan that they attempted? (after the red card.) Steph can take the leftie ones cause Katie’s set-pieces have been quite off for a little while now. Lia — 7.5/10. i thought all the midfielders had an awesome game today, and Lia was definitely taking advantage of Leicester’s set-up to spray long balls left and right. beautiful defence-splitting through balls and assured control of the midfield whenever the defenders looked a little shaky; great comeback from her performances in the last two matches. as the holding midfielder, I’m still divided between her and Frida, but if she can maintain the composure that she has in matches like today against good opponents as well, we should go with her. (especially since Frida displayed nice attacking prowess today)

Mana — 7.5/10. finally got her deserved minutes, and just like Lia, had a field day bopping passes in between and over Leicester’s high line, and especially came alive in the second half. robbed of a couple assists (looking at you Viv and Keets, lol) but still little moments of Mana Magic here and there as she turned defenders inside out and glided past them without breaking a sweat. although, she needs to get into more goal-scoring positions to offer more of a threat (she often plays too deep imo because she likes to receive the ball at her feet).

Jordan — 8/10. what a way to send a message, bravo Jordan. absolute standout player in the first half (have to say she faded a bit aside from the pinpoint assist in the second), and she completely made that midfield hers. every time she played a key pass or did something good i just chuckled to myself thinking how stupid it was making Jonas look for the way he disrespected her like that. hopefully that scene of her and Jonas having a shoulder hug is a sign of better things to come for Jords.  

Beth — 6.5/10. had a quiet-ish game like Katie, but that was nothing unexpected, given how hard she’s worked over the past week and also was one of the few who put in a real shift like Manu did against Barca and Chelsea. just happy to see her withdrawn early so she can get some rest in those tired legs.

Viv — 7/10. was almost going to give her a 6.5 there because other than her goal (which was a tap-in from five yards out), the sheer amount of chances she fumbled today stood out more than anything. balls were served onto a plate for her (multiple chances from exactly the same positions), and she could’ve had a double hat-trick today if she was feeling like it. concerning if we’re looking at today’s game alone, but not so much in the grander picture of things because she probably just needs to kick on after barely getting any service / doing mostly ball-chasing for the past two games.

Keets — 8/10. i know Jordan got MOTM “officially”, but i just want to give it to Keets personally because she didn’t truly reap the rewards of the insane amount of work she got through today. this game was made for her; acres of space for her to run into, which she did tirelessly and never did she look like she was gearing down, even at the very end! would’ve been icing on the cake if she just managed to guide her shot on target after doing all the hard work to round the keeper at that very last chance. 50th WSL goal definitely not far away though. and the way she literally o-u-t-p-a-c-e-d that Leicester defender before she was toppled yet again in the second half was brilliant to watch. her speed is a major major asset, plus she has the stamina to keep the engine going full match.

Subs:

Steph — 7/10. great stuff from Steph today; one of the standouts of the subs and the lovely crosses she’s capable of delivering were showcased for everyone to see today. BUT! i hope this game was truly a prime example to Jonas of why exactly she and Katie should never play on the same flank together: they simply offer the same things. Steph does well and can get creative combinations going when she plays with a winger in front of her like Mana today (later in the second half) who can drift inwards and give her the space she needs to overlap along the touchline. when Steph and Katie play together they get in each other’s way and it’s just a congested stalemate on the left side because they tend to occupy the same spaces with their similar playing style and attributes (crossing).

Kim — 6.5/10. definitely injected some life and passing movement into the attack which was kind of tapering off until the triple subs were made. good that we got to rest her for the next game.

Viki — 5.5/10. re: the CB situation written about above. good to see her come back from injury after injury, but what was up with those misplaced passes gifted to the opponents right in the middle of the pitch? might sound harsh, but i still haven’t seen why she’s in this team (purely performance-wise, idk about her personality etc) and we probably have to move on from her if we can.

Frida — 7.5/10. the Norwegians and their headed goals this week! love to see it. the way she attacked those headers with venom, put ideas in my head that she could even be converted to a no. 9 one day and be a proper striker. nice bounce back from her too after two weak performances in a row.

Teyah — N/A. not on long enough but showed a glimpse of what’s in store with that sliding challenge she made right in front of Lydia at the very end. promising stuff.

sidenote: was Tobin there? even the pundits were wondering where on earth she was. i’d really love a concrete update on her injury situation and possible recovery timeline, it feels like we got her for the briefest of moments and she was snatched away from us. am also uber confused with the way NWSL and the player rights system works so i wonder how long we’re actually having her with us. hopefully for the entire season (and potentially more!); she hasn’t even gotten to play at the Emirates and all yet, which must defo be the ultimate Gooner experience for her. 

Bonus:

Jonas Eidevall — 6.5/10. haven’t been impressed with him at all lately, but he did well with his selections today and pretty much all of them delivered too. can’t say anything on the tactics front, because even a child watching could immediately understand that all that was needed was to go long into the wide areas and you’re in on goal. i get why he didn’t rest Beth and Katie from the start, not wanting to leave it late then panic for the win and risk regretting it like Chelsea did, but surely Caitlin deserved some time today? not sure what’s up with that, given that she barely played much the past two games too.

Referee — 6/10. spot on with the red card and also the yellow cards dished out (why were the Leicester players unable to contain their tantrums and repeatedly kicking the ball away?). that was a red all day even if the shove on Keets didn’t have a lot in it (which it did anyway imo), if you send someone to the ground as the last player, out ya go. and sidetracking but now that i’m reminded we were playing against 10 players, 4-0 is quite underwhelming. double digits should have been hit easily, our finishing was poor. Overall: much more enjoyable watching this time for all of us, but it’s evident that fatigue and rustiness/off-pace tendencies are setting in. still, a professional job all in all that we didn’t look in doubt at securing that comfy top spot in the league, and we seem to be heading into a comfortable patch of fixtures until the end of the year. COYG

[brazilianism]

Momento r/trueoffmychest but sometimes I feel like there's no future in Brazil. I want to be a writer but there's like 2 Brazilian writers who are even slightly famous outside and I've heard that here we only get 10% of the book's profit, which is frankly absurd. I love this country and I love my city and I don't think I could ever call anywhere else home and I really want to go to college for free because I think I can and USP has been my dream university since I was in 6th grade but I have absolutely no perspective of future here. My family even has Portuguese citizenship in case thinks go south and we have to leave. And then I look at what the future looks like outside and I know I'll have to deal with sexism that'll be even worse because they see Brazilian women as whores and possibly xenophobia which is totally insane for me because I'm white but the moment I say something all everyone will hear is a heavy Latino accent that I actually don't want to lose and on top of that there will be the usual homophobia since I'm a lesbian and it'll be really tiring. To top that, the only places where I can be a successful writer seem to be USA and England and even though I absolutely hate USA it is still in America and I kinda dislike England even more (many cases of racism against Brazilians, heard it's hard for a Latino to get a job). And if I go to USA, I'll have to deal with low minimum wage and rent that is impossible to pay and the fear of guns and I'll probably will end up in New York as a writer and it may be a place I really wanna visit but it does seem like an awful place to live unless you're loaded and I also kinda don't want to ever be homeless but it seems like an obligatory experience if you live in USA. So I have to ask. How do you do it? How can a Brazilian who wants more find a place in the world? I'm white and my parents went to college and have enough money to send me to a private high school and this was supposed to make all the doors open for me but really? I can only see the closed ones. And I know I shouldn't complain because it would be 100000% harder if I was black and poor but honestly right now I'm kinda hopeless. If I could choose what country to be born in, I would always choose Brazil, but I feel like being a Brazilian keeps me from being someone.

Shit girl, I get you. It was one of my earliest dreams to be a writer, too. And this might not be super motivational, but I haven't made it, lol but like i'm 24 so no big deal about it either. I mean, I still write my stories every now and then, but being a writer does take a LOT of effort and energy and especially at the times when I hit depressive episodes it was hard to put in all that effort. Luckly for myself I've been granted a head that is happy doing lot's of different stuff, so I've changed paths without it taking a big toll on me and decided to go into the movie/tv bussiness. First I was about to try scriptwriting but I learned scriptwriting takes a fuckton of techinique to learn and I'm not good at it (yet). So i'm more into production and other media areas (and it might be a bitch but there's always social media work around even if it sucks). And I mean, the movie/tv bussiness is also shitty and has huge amounts of competition AND is better in countries I dislike too, but in my head it felt "safer" cause it offers "secondary" jobs that will always be there. But like, that was what I thought at 17. Now I know that every profession has these jobs, you know, not the "dream" jobs, but the decent jobs around the area. So first thing I'd do if I were you would be to do some research in related areas. Like, I don't know, working on magazines as an editor, or journalism, or text review, or even social media work in the writing area (plenty of blogs and SEO to adjust out there), or publicity writing (someone is always hired just to write slogans and texts for billbords, you know), or even scriptwriting as I tried. It's not that you HAVE to follow any of these, but knowing that you could fall back upon any of these professions or work them part time while trying to write your books might give you some peace of mind to give it a try. Second thing I would do is to do more research on brazilian writers, because there are plenty. Yeah, not all of them are Paulo Coelho, but you don't have to be to be able to make a reasonable living or even to keep writing as a part time profession. Find those authors, follow them on social media, ask questions!! Most love to answer when they have time. But what I won't tell you to do is to stop writing, cause if there's one thing I know is that the only way to get better at writing (and ergo have more chances of succeeding) is to keep writing. And look, i'm not telling you this is by any means an easy field, or a regular job, and it's 100% okay to give up if you prioritize these things in life (i'm serious, mental health and peace of mind come first and there's NOTHING wrong with picking a profession that allows for these if that's the case), but what I know about most people that have an undeniable passion for doing something creative and pick something else without being really sure about it is that they always regret it. Most keep getting sucked back to it or end up miserable because they really wanted to be doing something else. So if it's your only dream, you passion for life, girl, you're super young. Your parents can give you a small headstart for a few years (aka you don't have to worry about getting any job in any field just to get by for now). So give it a try. Search the field. Try to put something together. Worst case scenario, you still learned something. It'll land you somewhere. Might even be a good place :)

[gold3nfics]

Anachronism {Chapter Two}

Author's note: I feel like this chapter is kind of short but, as promised Y/N has made an appearance.

[Also, can we talk about Jungkook's live??? Are y'all still recovering from it? Because I am and will be for a while lol]

Word Count: 2,532

They all made direct contact with the ground underneath them, drawing out groans and grunts of pain among them.

“Did the book say anything about the portal giving us a concussion?” Yoongi asks while slowly getting up from the hard ground.

Namjoon sighs at his dry comment and slowly moves to help Jungkook stand up. Once the other’s vision becomes clearer and less blurry, they take in what is around them.

“Where are we?” Jungkook asks, noticing the open area around them.

It appeared that they were standing in what could have been an open field if it wasn't for a large part of it that lacked grass and was black. Hoseok stepped forward and kneeled in front of the dark spot and touched it.

“It seems that there had been a fire,” he said, rubbing the dried and burnt remains of the field between his fingers, “that’s unfortunate. This looks like it could have been a wonderful place to see.”

Yoongi furrows his brows, “Which way do we even go? The portal was supposed to bring us to who we are looking for, but all I am seeing is nature. Or, well, what is left of it.” The boys glance around trying to see if they can find anything similar to a path, but once they do they all notice a light coming from the inside of their left hands.

Jimin looks down at his hand, “Please tell me your marks are also glowing, or else I am going to freak out.”

The boys say nod in response; Namjoon decides to walk forward, but then the light ceases. Furrowing his brows, he steps back and turns his body to the left, causing the mark to glow slightly again.

“It’s like a compass,” he states with amazement evident in his tone and looks up at the others, “we will just walk in a certain direction and if it keeps glowing, then we are on the right path to finding them.”

The boys nod in understanding and all begin to walk together down the field. Their marks eventually lead them to a road that goes in the direction of a small town up ahead of them. The boys abandon looking at their marks to take a good look at the town in front of them. It is still pretty early in the morning so really, the only people out and about are older individuals.

Once they are walking on the sidewalks of the town, they notice the people there looking at them weirdly, “Why are they looking at us like that?” Jungkook asks.

Jin chuckles, “Look down, our clothing doesn’t exactly fit in. So of course they would be looking at us weirdly.”

“Well, we will just need to find new clothes then, won’t we?” Taehyung smirks and sprints off into a small shop he had been eyeing with the boys following behind him.

“Wait! Taehyung! Don’t run so fast!” Hoseok yells after him.

Once they arrive at the store, they find Taehyung speaking with an older man at the counter.

“Sir, we just need some clothes because in case you haven’t noticed,” Taehyung gestures towards his body, “ours are not suitable.”

The man sighs in frustration, “I told you before and I will tell you again.” he crosses his arms, “If you have no money, you may not have anything from here.”

“But we-” Yoongi steps in and cuts Taehyung off

“We are very sorry sir. Please excuse my friend’s behavior,” The man moves his gaze to meet Yoongi whose pupils narrow in on him, “we are new to town and would really just like to keep a low profile.”

The man stills, “I am sure you understand, right?”

“I do. You know what? It is fine. I suppose you boys getting what you need won’t be any trouble. We get plenty of business on the weekends so we will not be hurting much.” The man smiles warmly and turns to walk to the back of the store.

The boys all look at Yoongi confused, “How did you do that? I tried explaining the same thing, but he looked like he was close to smacking me.” Taehyung says.

“Yeah, you’re usually not good with people; let alone convincing them.” Hoseok states. Yoongi shakes his head, “I don’t know, something just came over me. It was like I was speaking to him, but I was also in his mind controlling the conversation.”

“Are you serious?!” Jungkook exclaims, “Yoongi, that's your power.”

The boys look at the youngest, “Mind control. Remember? Ara said that we all have certain abilities and that we would have to find them on our own; mind control is yours Yoongi.”

“Okay well we can discuss powers later,” Namjoon speaks up and moves towards one of the full racks of clothing, “for now just get the things you need so we can get a move on.”

***

“You know,” Jin says before taking a sip of his water and grabbing a fry, “this place may not have the nicest people or the prettiest views, but their food is pretty alright.” the others make sounds and nod in agreement.

After they had changed their clothing and also gathered a few other minor things from the store, Namjoon decided that they should find a place to eat, mostly because he was hungry, but also to sit down and put together a plan.

Namjoon cleared his throat before speaking, “So once we find who it is we are looking for; how should we approach the situation? Does anyone have any ideas?” Jungkook looks at him, “What do you mean?”

Namjoon sighs tiredly, “Well we can’t just go up to them and say ‘Hi, we are from a different realm, and you are bonded to each of us, but that’s a mistake so now you need to come with us so we can save our people.’ ”

Jungkook smiles, “I mean, I'd be down if someone said that to me.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes and sips his drink, “Wasn’t that the same attitude that got you mugged after that girl told you to follow her?”

The others laughed loudly as Jungkook’s cheeks blushed slightly due to embarrassment,

“It wasn’t my fault!” he defended, “She was really cute and I hadn’t even kissed anyone yet at that age.”

Jimin smirked, “At that age? Wasn’t that a few months ago?” Jungkook sent a hard glare Jimin’s way as the others' laughter only increased.

After they had calmed down, Jin looked at Namjoon and shrugs, “If you want my opinion, I think we should just try to sit down with them and explain the situation. I mean we all have the marks and Hanuel’s book as proof, so I don’t think they would have a hard time believing us.”

“Yeah, and if our marks glow when we are near them; I would think that theirs would too. If I didn’t know anything about the circle and saw my hand glowing, I would want answers.” Hoseok adds while observing the people around him.

Namjoon nods in agreement and understanding, “Alright then we will do that, I just hope everything works.”

“It will,” Jungkook smiles and says while reaching for his water, “don’t worry.”

***

After the boys had finished eating, they resumed their search. Their marks had led them in front of what appeared to be a flower shop in a quieter part of town.

As they entered the shop, they couldn’t help but recognize a warm feeling come over their bodies. They all passed it off as being due to the indoor heating, but they knew individually that it was because of something else.

A petite and kind-looking elderly woman had noticed them from behind the counter, “Hello!” she announced with a sweet smile on her face while making her way towards them, “Can I help you boys with anything?”

Jin looks at her and smiles, “Oh no, we are just-”

“Let me guess, you boys are looking for flowers to give to your girlfriends, right?”

Yoongi looks at her shocked and attempts to correct her, “Oh no! You see we are just here looking for-”

“Follow me fellas,” the woman laughs while grabbing Yoongi, Jin, and Hoseok’s arms and leads them away from the others, “in my experience, no men ever come into my shop unless they need flowers as an apology or gift. We actually have some really nice bouquets over here, and they are on sale too!”

Namjoon, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin all stand there trying to process what just happened,

“Okay, I guess it is just us for right now.” Namjoon looks at the young trio, “You guys try to look on this level of the shop to find them, I’ll look on the second level. Oh! And try not to allow people to see your marks, okay?” The three nod and break off into different directions.

Namjoon makes his way towards the stairs on his left to begin his search. As he is walking up the stairs he looks down at his satchel, that he got from the store, and reaches inside of it to make sure Hanuel’s book is still there. Just as he realizes the book is safe and looks up, he comes face to face with a rather large bouquet of daisies and sunflowers; as well as crashing into the person holding the bouquet. Namjoon is quick to grasp his hands around the person's waist to steady them as well as himself.

“I am so sorry! Are you alright? I was looking at the flowers in this bouquet and I wasn’t watching where I was going.” the person says very fast and worriedly.

However, Namjoon wasn’t making any effort to say anything, mostly because he felt as if he couldn’t form any words. It was as if everything around the both of them had blurred and become silent, and everything that had previously stressed his mind had diminished.

The only thing that was on his mind now, was her.

The slight warmth that he had experienced upon entering the shop was nothing compared to what he felt now. His body had indeed grown warmer, but his heartbeat had increased and everything felt fuzzy. It also didn’t help with how close they were with his hands on her waist, and her left hand holding his shoulder to keep her stable.

The girl in front of him had grown shy and blushed in embarrassment once she realized where her hand was. She went to move away and step back, but was stopped due to the attractive man in front of her not releasing his gentle hold on her waist. Namjoon snapped out his daze once he noticed her moving to step back,

“Oh no! It’s alright, sorry about that. I am pretty clumsy myself and just hope I didn’t hurt you.” Namjoon laughs nervously while rubbing the back of his neck. The young woman looks at him with bright and endearing eyes, and lets out a light laugh; one that causes Namjoon to perk up and smile fondly at.

“Don’t you worry, I’m just glad I had you catch me.” she takes a step down to stand on the same stair as Namjoon, “Usually, I just end up falling and hoping for the best, and that no one saw me.” Namjoon chuckles at that statement.

“Well, I am glad that I could be of help…” he pauses waiting for her to inform him of her name,

“Oh!” she lowers the bouquet she is holding, revealing a small name tag, “Y/N, my name is Y/N. And you are?”

“Namjoon, nice to meet you.” Namjoon smiles, which Y/N returns back.

“Well, I’ll see you around Namjoon.” she begins to descend down the stairs but Namjoon stops her,

“Wait!” Y/N stops and turns around, cute confusion evident on her face, “Do you need any help? My friends are looking around the store, and I am not looking to buy anything, so it is really no bother for me to help you.”

Y/N shakes her head, “Oh, no I couldn’t ask a customer to do that. It’s okay really-”

“You’re not the one asking, I am.” Namjoon cuts her off and walks down to stand next to her.

Y/N looks up at him with eyes that appear as if she is analyzing his own, Namjoon finds that he just can’t help staring into them, “Okay, I suppose I could use the help since my coworker is on his break; follow me!” and that is exactly what Namjoon does.

As he is walking behind her silently, he takes the time to look over her. He takes in the overalls and oversized shirt she is wearing, her hair that is half up and out of her face, and also her attractive physique from the back; but Namjoon would never admit that part.

He also notices the little specks and smudges of dirt scattered on her clothing and arms. This made him smile at the thought of her clumsily repotting plants.

How cute. Namjoon smiles; his admiring is stopped however as they approach a small room and the woman in front of him turns around and places the bouquet on a table beside her. He looks at her with slight confusion, and she smiles, “You strong?” she asks with a slight smirk while putting her hands on her hips.

Namjoon quirks an eyebrow at her question, “Maybe, it depends on the job.”

“Think you can help me move those bags of soil out of that room, to right here?” Namjoon smiles,

“Sure, think you can keep up?” he asks while rolling up his sleeves and moving into the storage type room,

“I don’t know, I am quite the skilled dirt mover.” Y/N responds and laughs as she goes to remove her gloves.

Namjoon stills once he sees Y/N reaching for her gloves, suddenly reminded of why he was here. He takes a quick glance at his mark and notices it is glowing brightly.

Wait a second, shit hold on wait- Namjoon’s thoughts were interrupted by a sharp gasp from Y/N,

“What the hell is this?!” She exclaims loudly while staring at her hand trying to rub it, thinking that it is some hallucination.

Namjoon quickly moves towards her and gently grabs her hand to comfort her, “Hey, it’s okay! You don’t need to freak out, I have it too, see.” he raises his hand showing Y/N the same glowing mark that she had.

Y/N’s eyes widen and Namjoon can see the fear and confusion in her eyes, so he goes to tell her that it’s okay and that she should take a seat; however, his actions were interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

Both Y/N and Namjoon look towards the doorway and see three other men, all of which are holding little succulents and have dumbfounded expressions on their faces.

If they had something important to say, they had definitely forgotten what it was once their gaze had set on Y/N.

“Hey guys,” Namjoon clears his throat and moves away from Y/N awkwardly, “this is Y/N.”

[emersonfreepress]

What would the ro's be like in a zombie au?

whyyyyy anon whyyy. I'm actually gonna write this in like.. slightly different terms, you'll see. any time I even briefly think of a zombie au I'm just like

I WANNA WRITE IT SO BADDD

i don't even allow myself to entertain it for very long because getting into that would be the worst thing ever for my productivity with the alpha omg 😂😂 so I'll put like the ideas that pop into my head for writing a zombie au, to work some of that creative frustration out 😆

so in this very general, absolutely noncommittal idea of mine, the main cast are older and the setting is in and around a civilian settlement led by the Emersons.

and as a refresher, i like my zombie aus to have fast zombies and fast infections ^ ^ 28 Days Later/Train to Busan style babyyyy, we the Sprinting Dead up in this bitch 😆

= = =

Gabe is, predictably, looking for what's left of his family. Following rumors of safe havens and bunkers and such. Starts the story as someone who tries to be diplomatic, if not outright pacifist, but as times get tougher and resources dwindle, he'd become one of the most cutthroat motherfuckers in the wasteland. Low-key though, low-key. People won't trust you if they know you’re capable of throwing them to a horde for strategic reasons. Like if Rick turned into Shane (for those of us familiar with early Walking Dead--idk did that happen eventually? i gave up before we even met Negan lol). The end justifies the means :) Damn, I can legit see Gabe going full evil in a zombie au omg 😂😂 i want to write it so fucking bad

Preferred weapon for zed encounters: rifle

Preferred weapon for human encounters: handgun

Faith in humanity: fucking zero

Zombie kill count: plenty; the type to kill every zombie he has spare ammo and time for

Human kill policy: When it benefits him or the people he’s looking after

Survival rating: B+; he can make it out of some pretty dire situations through sheer will to live and ruthlessness

- - -

Kile has arrived--clearly, this is the timeline they belong in. They start their journey with Gabe (and their doggo) and stick to him like glue, even reluctantly so when Gabe eventually has them join the settlement. This can only go one way, though: Kile's just too much of a wildcard for the group and hates being told what to do. (Especially now that society has fallen, wtf) They'd make their exit alone and unannounced aside from a brief head’s up to Gabe. It's slightly bittersweet, but also? They get to loot and hunt and sneak around and kill fucking zombies, all by themself. Kile is a loner, a hiker, and a hunter to begin with so they do beyond fine on their own. However, once the inevitable violent human threat comes for the settlement, Gabe is sent out to convince Kile to come out of isolation, just this once please, to be the camp’s super soldier help defend the camp.

Zed weapon: p much anything they can get their hands on, ranged or melee, blunt or sharp, w/e; improvised weapons

Human weapon: hunting knife

Faith in humanity: never had any to begin with

Zombie kill count: lol infinite?? any zed they come across is double-dead if they have the time for it

Human kill policy: at Gabe’s direction or when provoked enough/threatened

Survival rating: A-; they trust no one, live in isolation, and prioritize survival above all else. only reason it’s not higher is they would risk their life for Gabe or their furbaby and also... their own Rambo-esque antics def attracts the occasional horde lmao

- - -

Jack... this poor boy, he doesn't deserve a zombie au 😂 He's one of those people that first believes zombies are just sick people, too squeamish to keep up with TV news coverage at the onset and too upset to consider anything else. He'd hunker down at home, staying holed up even while his neighbors evacuated, and probably be discovered while the main group is looting the same place as him. When people try to tell him the real state of the world, he'd be in denial until he absolutely couldn't be anymore. idk, probably after Kile shooting a bunch of non-lethal holes thru a zombie to make a point (attracting more in the process lol).

He’d almost immediately join the medical team at the settlement and as word spreads about how easy he is to talk to, he quickly becomes the literal on-site therapist. It's a role he embraces but... idk if it's an emotional burden he can bear. He's very emotionally resilient! But he ain't a professional lol imagine a whole settlement of traumatized zombie survivors seeking you out for counseling, yikes. He also can't say no to a person in need, so instead he quietly spirals into a very private depression while continuing to help others!!

Zed weapon: Oh gosh, do I really have to?

Human weapon: ...Kindness?

Faith in humanity: Unrealistically high

Zombie kill count: Single digit

Human kill policy: Not ever, unless completely unavoidable and to defend the defenseless

Survival rating: C...? idk, that feels generous. D+. To be protected at all costs!!

- - -

Jessie also had the initial reaction of hoping zombies could be saved, but she woke up from that dream swiftly. The science-minded person that she is, esp with her interest in biology, leaves her determined to find anybody who's got the intellect, expertise, and resources to start doing actual work toward a treatment, cure, vaccine—anything. Nothing would get her to finally unabashedly embrace her love of science (and innate leadership skills!!) faster than a zombie apocalypse! In fact, it’s thanks to her that the Emerson settlement’s got a small but growing team of scientists doing as much research as humanly possible to best educate the others on the outbreak and zombie behavior. Def no zombie experimentation going on though lol. ...Not yet, at least.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: rifle

Faith in humanity: High! We’ll find a solution! Don’t give up hope!

Zombie kill count: Double digits, but less than 30

Human kill policy: Only in unavoidable self-defense or defense of others

Survival rating: B! She has experience with ranged weapons, farming and gardening skills, first aid, camping experience, and a can-do attitude with a healthy dose of realism!

- - -

Rain remains cargo as I said in the last post about this 😆 They'd be very good for keeping clothes repaired and making useful modifications in the settlement, but their life up to this point has been very sheltered and privileged. We're talking somebody with a chauffeur and a personal chef before the outbreak! They would contribute to quality of life and homemaking efforts more than anything—an overlooked aspect of these scenarios tbh! After as many months of dragging their feet as possible and being nigh impossible to track down when you need them, they eventually become involved in meal planning and even help out with medical stuff if they're asked.

Zed weapon: how do you reload this thing again?

Human weapon: switchblade or other concealable sharp-pointy

Faith in humanity: Very low

Zombie kill count: 0! Can you believe it!

Human kill policy: Well if it’s you or me, of course I’m choosing me.

Survival rating: C. Being so tiny helps them find good hiding spots and their self-preservation is high enough to keep them from unnecessary risk-taking. Plus they're very stealthy! Self-defense is a major issue though, so hiding is always their best option.

- - -

Rupan/Rohan scouts for and leads scavenging missions and is Curt's right hand on the recruitment team. The two of them together are the perfect combo of diplomacy, debate, and deception--although R is more honorable about the last one and will only deceive for strategic reasons. When they aren’t looting and recruiting, they’re doing peacekeeping inside the settlement. Most social disputes end up getting brought to them for mediation and they’re pretty dang good at making and enforcing calls. One day they’ll wake up to realize they’ve basically become a sheriff and feel the need to puke their guts up and do something, anything, to reassure themself they’re still punk 😂

Zed weapon: SMG

Human weapon: shotgun

Faith in humanity: Believes in fundamental goodness but knows better than to trust first impressions

Zombie kill count: decent, more than 40; you won’t catch them having a field day tho, they’re trying to gtfo of most zed situations

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. And they aren’t, at all, immune to a revenge rampage either...

Survival rating: B-. Can handle themself both with humans and zeds but is vulnerable to hostage situations and truly difficult sentimental/interpersonal decisions!

- - -

Vivian/Vincent manages inventory and stock and they run it so efficiently it’s scary! They're the perfect pick: a hawk-eyed tyrant and tattletale 😂 Despite constantly butting heads with just about everyone on every imaginable thing, they quickly become an important part of the inner circle of decision-makers for the settlement at large. Terrible at stealth, jumpy, and squeamish at the sight of blood and gore, they literally never go on missions unless they're 100% needed for their expertise on a supply run. (They would deny all of these shortcomings are that big a problem, meanwhile R is definitely acting as their bodyguard lol.) When they do tag along, they're prone to becoming the damsel in distress. Seriously, it happens near every fucking time. It's like they just attract only the most improbable and perilous zombie attacks and hostage situations 😆

Zed weapon: shotgun

Human weapon: handgun

Faith in humanity: Medium; seeing people work together at the settlement helps restore it a bit

Zombie kill count: Double digits, under 25

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. Well, no, not by me! Get one of the ruffians to do it!

Survival rating: C-. They’d be higher if they weren’t such natural zombie bait.

- - -

Heidi is running the settlement, well-organized to the degree of actually managing to bring bureaucracy to a post-zombie apocalypse settlement 😂 People are free to come and go, but getting in if you don't live there requires trading something of value (fuel, med supplies, food, etc), temporary surrender and registry of firearms and explosives, and you gotta GTFO at the time and date specified upon entry! You can stay long-term if you contribute to the community in a tangible way—and each person admitted is approved by Heidi personally. Yes, every individual. No, she has no free time. And she is not known to be lenient with rule breakers—you want rule bending, you’ll have to go to Curt for that. People kind of hate her, but it can't be denied that she runs a tight ship. She kind of throws herself into the work to avoid the harsher reality at large and hasn't left the settlement in a long time. She's out of touch with how bad things have gotten in the wastes, but she knows better than to take reports at anything less than face value--even when she's skeptical.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: handgun; dagger

Faith in humanity: Medium. It fluctuates, honestly

Zombie kill count: Double digits, less than 20

Human kill policy: Violent threats must be taken out if they can’t be reasoned with. Spare those who surrender, eradicate those who don't, keep an eye on the newbies. Not tryin’ to nurse any vendettas around here lol

Survival rating: B. She's good with a firearm, masterful at persuasion, and savvy enough to calculate risks appropriately. Also far tougher than her prim exterior and demeanor suggests!

- - -

Curt leads the recruitment and reconnaissance teams! When a new person or group shows up in the area, Curt's the one who stalks watches them, decides if they're worth approaching, and if they should be approached with an invitation, a simple acknowledgment/announcement of their presence, or an outright armed warning to leave the area. He also keeps tabs on morale and general confidence inside the settlement, alongside R. When he isn’t leading those efforts, though, he’s flirting with settlers and squirreling his way out of manual labor and other chores. He’s also secretly growing weed at his place--don’t tell Heidi or Vi ‘cause they’ll wanna yell at him and ration it UGH.

Zed weapon: SMG, explosives

Human weapon: handgun, dagger

Faith in humanity: Pft, sorry, what now?

Zombie kill count: ...way more than you’d expect

Human kill policy: I don’t start confrontations, but I sure as fuck end them.

Survival rating: A! He’s good at playing hapless idiot when it suits him to be underestimated, good with firearms, and capable of being ruthless and decisive in life or death situations! Plus he has no qualms about ditching the settlement if he decides it’s not working out for him. Just don’t tell Heidi lol

[jawritter]

Twelve Days Of Christmas

Chapter 4

Summary: Dean never realized that Y/N missed Christmas until he turned off an annoying Christmas song on the radio on the way home from a hunt, now he will make it his personal mission to give her the Christmas he misses so much, and if he plays his cards right, maybe he will give her what he has wanted to give her for so many years, himself.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo​​​

Square Field: Donna

Word Count: 1513

Warnings: Fluff, hint of reader insecurities. I think that’s about it.

A/N: This is to help me catch up on my SPN Christmas Bingo card lol Chapter 5 will post tomorrow! I knew chapter will post every day until Christmas! I know I’m insane lol. This is a real time fic collection and all mistakes will be my own! Please do not copy my work! Hope you all enjoy these!!

**SERIES MASTERLIST**   **MASTERLIST**   **BECOME A PATREON**

One thing you learned about living with Dean Winchester in the time you’d spent living in the bunker was that there was always a chance for random, crazy antics to happen, and it was best to just roll with it; because once Dean got something in that pretty head of his there was no changing his mind. It was best to just let it happen, no matter what it was, no matter how crazy it was, just let him get it out of his system. 

When he came bounding into your room like a small, overly hyper child on Christmas morning, pounced on you like a tiger and then commenced to shaking you until you woke up with a start, proclaiming that you needed to get dressed so that the pair of you could get on the road, it was very obviously one of the times you just needed to roll with it. There wasn’t a chance you could sour his good mood. You would never forgive yourself, and he was evidently very excited about this trip. 

It was freezing of course, and if you had your way you would have been happy to just stay in bed, but it was something about that sunshine-filled grin of his plastered across that freckle dusted face that pulled you out of your warm bed, and into the Impala without much of an argument. The more awake you became the more contagious his evident excitement was, and by the time the pair of you had stopped for breakfast outside of the Minnesota state line, the anticipation was killing you, so you asked him again that morning for what seemed like the thousandth time. 

“Dean, what are we doing in Minnesota, and just where are we going? Did you find a case? If so I could have packed my own bag, you didn’t have to sneak into my room at some unlawful hour in the morning to pack for me before waking me up.”

Dean just grinned at you over his coffee mug, mischief written all over his face, and his eyes lighter than you had ever seen them. Maybe it was the shirt he was wearing, but they just seemed brighter this morning. 

“Not telling sweetheart, you will see in just a few minutes, we have to meet someone here, and then we will be on our way, but I will tell you that this is not a case.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could get a word out Donna’s distinct accent pierced the air from behind you, “Hey you two,” and Dean was on his feet engulfing the woman in a bear hug.

Donna laughed and swatted him off playfully, reminding him she had a gun in the process as you greeted her with much the same enthusiasm as Dean. It had been a long time since you had seen Donna, and it wasn’t under the best of circumstances the last time you all had been together. 

“How the hell have you been, woman?” you asked as she slides into the booth next to you, and the waitress brings her over a cup of coffee for her. 

“Great! Doug asked me out about a month ago, and between the occasional small hunt, my day job, and him I’ve been pretty busy. How have the two been? I admit Dean’s phone call at almost midnight the other night surprised me,” she said, smirking at the elder Winchester like they were sharing some great big secret. Dean just chuckled into his pancakes as they were sat down in front of him, the waitress setting an equally large platter in front of Donna. 

Donna was clearly a regular here.

“So, Doug finally coming around to, ya know, all this?” Dean asks with a mouth stuff full of pancakes, waving his fork around the table as if to state something obvious to anyone but listening ears from other patrons. Clearly he was trying to deflect the subject from Donna’s previous statement. 

“Yep, surprised me too let me tell ya, but he seems to be coming around. It’s always shocking at first ya know.”

“Well what about Jody and girls?” you cut in, cutting your omelet with one of the plastic forks in front of you. “I haven’t seen them since that hunt in Georgia last summer.”

“They’re doing great! I think Kaia and Claire will end up at the altar before long, and Jody isn’t excited about the new hunting couple talking about taking the big leap, she thinks they’re too young, but I think it will be good for them.”

“That’s awesome,” Dean quipped, whipping his mouth with his napkin, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before going back to the female version of himself who was stuffing her face with equally as much food as Dean. 

You personally had no idea how the hell she did that, you’d be sick for days if you ate that much sugar in the morning. 

The conversation flowed easily between the three of you, catching up on hunts, friends you haven’t seen in a long time, and just life in general. It was normal, it was nice. Things like this were a  luxury a hunter rarely ever got in this life, just a breakfast with friends, and if Dean had driven all this way just to do this with you, you would have been grateful, but when Donna stood from the table to hug Dean goodbye after hugging you, she handed him a set of keys, and said, “You two love birds don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” with a wink that made Dean blush, DEAN, and walked away, leaving you confused and staring at Dean with mouth agape. 

Your eyes met his with shocked amusement as he stuttered on the spot and Donna walked away cackling. When he saw you staring at him he recovered, clearing his throat and throwing his arm around your shoulders, leading you towards Baby, apparently determined to act like nothing had ever happened. You let it go. You knew you could really poke fun at him about it, but it was better to file it away under later blackmail.

“So, what’re the keys for?” you asked Dean, as he continues deeper into the frozen state, humming along with the radio as if he didn’t have a care in the world, it was an amazing sight. 

“For this right here,” Dean states proudly, pointing to what you quickly recognized as Donna’s cabin. Your eyes traveled between him and the cabin. 

“Really?”

“Yup,” Dean said, getting out of the car and you followed him, letting him take your hand and lead you into the cabin Donna had eventually warmed for the two of you once she knew you were coming. “This is day 10. We’re gonna be staying here, just the two of us until after Christmas.” 

You turned to him in utter disbelief at what you were hearing. You and Dean, just the two of you, for ten whole days? Could this be real?

“I thought you could use a real white Christmas, and what better way to experience that than a snowed-in cabin in Minnesota; lucky for you I just happened to know a friend who had one to spare.” 

You closed the distance between the two of you, throwing your arm around his neck and hugging him tightly, which he returned without hesitation. 

“Oh my God Dean! This is perfect!” you tell him, releasing him from your grip and beginning to look around the cabin. It was perfect, and with a little decorating it could be very pretty with some Christmas decorations, and if you could talk him into it, a tree. 

“Only thing is there’s only one bed in the place, but if you're uncomfortable sharing then I’ll take the couch.” 

Your throat closed up for a moment, and you swallowed hard to get your voice to work again. Dean Winchester in your bed was something you had always dreamed of, the question is could you survive it actually happening? 

You couldn’t make him sleep on the couch for ten days, and the bed was plenty big enough to share. 

“I’m okay with sharing Dean, It’s not like you got cooties are something,” you play, hoping to hide your racing heart and the fact that your mind had suddenly turned to mush. 

“Oh sweetheart, I think you like my cooties,” he said, winkie at you. 

Suddenly it was your turn to blush as a wide victorious smile spread across his face. 

“I’m gonna go grab our bags so we can get settled,” he announces before turning to disappear out into the cold. 

You look around at what was going to be your little slice of Heaven for the next ten days with excited apprehension. There was so much that could happen in ten days, but if you didn’t get your feelings under control for a certain green-eyed hunter, you didn’t know how happy of a Christmas you would be able to have when he flat out rejects you.

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[mira--mira]

Question from an aspiring writer:

How do you stay motivated on one project for such a long time?

I personally have the attention span of a goldfish, and whenever I have an idea I either have to write down everything my brain can spew immediately or have it be lost in the void for eternity.

Never mind going back and turning my outline into a fic or gasp editing.

Do you have any tips and/or tricks you use?

Ok, I got completely carried away with this just fyi, but hopefully I ended up answering your actual question 😂 tl;dr at the bottom.

To be honest, staying motivated is a tricky thing, one that I feel I'm still learning how to do even now and varies a bit between shortfics/oneshots and multi-chaptered fics/longfics. For a bit of background, I've been writing fanfic for about a year and a half, but I've been writing original fiction since I was seven, over a decade and a half, and I still wrestle with it. It's definitely a learning process.

One thing I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out was the power of ~scenes~ in either multi-chapters or one-shots. All writing is ultimately made up of scenes, but if you're struggling to put things together, focusing on an individual scene, or multiple short scenes, might help you focus on getting something completed, and it's something that eventually can be applied to longer works as well. Writing has been a snowball process for me and once I started getting anything completed, I felt more secure in knowing what I could write comfortably and what was out of my comfort zone, eventually getting to the point where I felt comfortable tackling bigger and longer projects and knowing I could stay with them.

OoT's interlude chapters and the snippet series are both good examples of scenes because I wrote them with that intention...even if most of them are actually two or three scenes combined. "Gai meets Hashirama and Madara", "Hashirama gets revenge on Kakashi", "Tatsuki and Hashirama pick flowers for Madara, then give them to him" etc. were all my starting points.

If you're first starting out and feel comfortable with outlines of some sort before you start writing I would encourage you to try and write down a bullet point list of your scene(s) and what you know you want to happen in it.

"Gai meets Hashirama and Madara"

* Hashirama meets Gai first, mistakes him for Lee.

* Madara is shopping for a gift for Hashirama

* Madara finds Gai and Hashirama, they spar, Gai kicks his ass, both of them love him.

This is how my initial outline looked for the first interlude chapter, technically each one of these "points" are their own scenes stuck together. Outlining is different for everyone, some people like super specific points, others even less detail than this. For me this is a nice middle that gives me a roadmap for the chapter, but allows plenty of room to naturally diverge and add detail. Play around with outlines and see what you're comfortable with/what gives you the best results.

I'm not sure of your individual situation, but if you're struggling to put together fics in general something like this might help. Doing this process again and again personally helps me stay on track and gives me a sense of progress.

This sense of progress is ultimately key and why I think motivation differs slightly between one-shots/short fics and longfics. If you confine the individual scene to a one-shot, that might give you the motivation to complete it. Even if you start writing and you get interrupted/can't finish having in one setting, bullet points sometimes help inspire me to finish because I'm not starting from scratch when I return to writing. The whole "eat an elephant one piece at a time" thing was difficult for me to learn, but ultimately proved true. Learning to chip away at something bit by bit is going to be the only (healthy) way to write longer projects you can't complete in one sitting.

For longer projects, it's a similar beast just on bigger levels and with an added dimension. I would actually suggest something similar to OoT for a starting project because it is ultimately broken up into arcs that you know and can reference, instead of making a lot of og content for a fan setting. Maybe not go into it thinking, 'I'll do a complete rewrite' but once you feel like you're ready for a longer project 30K+ or so, the rough outline method and the ability to follow arcs was what got me started when I eventually decided to make the fic multi-chaptered. Try writing one arc and keep yourself contained in that. Now the added dimension aspect in general for longfics is that you eventually want to plot individual chapters in a multi-chaptered longfic and individual arcs (character, plot, etc). This comes with practice. I honestly don't think there's a way to get around that. It's something that I'm still trying to work on and I can look back at my early work and see how I've improved, how I can recognize where things didn't go well in certain places, and how I would change them if I was writing today. That's a good thing to be able to do, it means you've grown! The other thing I find that helps with staying motivated week after week for longer projects is to roughly know where you're going and to try to be excited about a plot point/scene/chapter/etc that you're going to write. Really try to hype yourself up. For me, it's a moment that comes at the very end of the chunin arc and I start grinning even thinking about it because I know it's going to be awesome. It's always what gets me through the rough days, imagining the moment I'll get to actually write that scene in its entirety (it's definitely already outlined and I mentally play it out at least twice a week lol) and is a big motivating drive.

So far I think this is pretty standard stuff if you're an outliner and you've been writing for a few years, but the other thing motivational-wise for me is having a schedule. From reading this message alone, I would not suggest it for you right away. Get comfortable finishing small things and feeling confident that if you let an idea sit for a week or two, you can pick it back up and continue. But if you eventually dip your toes into longfics (and don't plan to pre-write everything before you publish) that routine and rhythm really helps keep me going. I've made a commitment, I've posted it online, I'm going to stick to it. No one is going to jump down my throat if I fail to keep it (this is still a hobby and having fun is the most important thing) but in my mind I should commit to it unless something irl prevents me from doing so. Don't put a tight deadline on yourself, I'd start with once a month or if you write shorter chapters every three weeks. This also would help you build up and get a readership, interaction being another big motivational key.

Also, it's important to accept that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and when you feel completely demotivated from a fanfic project...it's okay to drop it. It's okay to take a step back and work on something else. Maybe you'll come back to it, maybe you won't. If you can, try to pinpoint what it was about that project that made you demotivated, were you pushing yourself too much and you got burnt out, was it an ongoing series and your interest for canon lagged and so did the fic, was it just too stressful to keep juggling plotpoints, etc. and keep that in mind moving forward. Every experience can be a learning one and eventually make you a better writer that can eventually tackle those bigger projects. Don't be afraid to take on big aspirational projects, but don't walk into them blind either. Above all, and this is repeated a lot because it's true, enjoy what you write. Some days you might not. That's true with anything, but any project you take on the good should outweigh the bad.

This is my wrap up of the motivational section but I also wanted to throw my two-cents in about editing because "oh no editing" is a perspective I've seen from a lot of writers, and used to have myself, but I think is going to stifle your progress in the long run.

Here's the thing: you need to look forward to editing.

You don't have to be jumping for joy, but editing, imo, should be a positive thing. You have all these great ideas, you made it into a fic, something you wrote, and now you get to go back and make it even better! This is a tough attitude to adopt. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It took me a long time to unlearn the negative attitude and even then sometimes I still wish the editing was already done once I type in the last period. But I've learned to at least appreciate what editing does and I try to think to myself as I'm going through and making changes things like "wow, this suddenly became so much better. X plot point that I thought of ten pages from now is suddenly being hinted at and doesn't come out of left field. The transition points are a lot cleaner, it's not so jarring anymore. I bet the readers are going to love this little detail. Here's some foreshadowing that I hope someone picks up bc it's going to come back in like 5 chapters from now" it's hard, especially when you start, but this is something you made, and now are actively making better and that's something to celebrate.

I hope this helps anon! I know it's a lot and I'm by no means an expert but I've been doing this for more than a decade because I love it and I want to help others get into writing to! I have no problem answering any writing questions you may have if you find this helpful!

tl;dr

-motivation is slightly different between short/long fics.

-starting out, learn to outline by scenes and focus on finishing small projects and getting to a point where you feel like you can put something down and come back and pick it up again in a week. Completion is key and will help you feel satisfied/know your limits.

-long projects also can work on the scene-to-scene outline but now with individual chapters and individual arcs. It's tough to balance both but comes with practice. Bit-by-bit is key, as is having 'one moment you can't wait to write', possibly a schedule if it works for you, and reader feedback are all huge long-term motivational points.

-editing is tough but learn to look forward to it instead of dreading it.

edited: added a bit more/few typos fixed