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So I have the news read to me via Alexa as part of my morning alarm and uhm, recognizing the name in a death anouncement, but not being able to place it immediately at 5 am and slowly realizing that "Liam Payne, 31, singer, famous from casting show" meant One Directions Liam, is quite an eerie feeling? Have never shot up that straight in the morning before. I have never been a boy group girlie in my life, but have known 1D existed. They were on the opposite side of posters I hung on my wall as a teen...
Over the last years I have only heard about Liam on commentary videos I listen to while I clean and not heard anything favourably, but he was only 31. He had not even lived half of his lifespan yet. There was time for him to change and grow as a person, so much time and now that potential of a future is gone. I like to believe that people can, want to and will improve with time and will. Even for someone largely unfamiliar with 1D, this has left me feeling kind of uneasy (?) and eerily quiet (?) the entire day.
On another note: I have seen too many pictures related to death, dying and gore on twitter lately and am probably finally deleting my account there. I have just used it for game updates and viewing trending hashtags, but the new video preview thing on the trending tab has shown me porn and actual gore unprompted and I was not expecting that. And then seeing what I am going to call the TMZ picture today and maybe catching glimpses of actual video material of the incident, whether fake or not, is giving me the rest. It can't be good for anyones mental wellbeing to see that kind of stuff. And I think it is deplorable for any living, breathing, human being to post this kind of stuff easily accessible online. I would hope to have to search for that stuff explicitly before coming across it.
#tw death#liam payne#one direction#tagging so others can block as needed#general dissatisfaction with not being able to look a trending topics w/o seeing death and gore#rika rambles
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sry i dont know what 2 draw anymore T_T . elendira portrait #999
#trigun#trigun maximum#elendira#elendira the crimsonnail#my art#im sure u can see it but ive been so uninspired w art lately T_T#ive tried to remedy it by just looking and observing. breaking down other works that i want 2 take direction from#but i tjknk its like . just jamming ME UPPP#and now im tjinking Too much ab it and psyching myself out#help me sorry i blow up the tags on every drawing i post ab my art strugglesšš#its like im whispering in here thouggh. just talking 2 myself and no one has 2 know except the ppl dealing w the same feelings#HAJAHA#anyways. i drew this just to say i finally drew smth agajn and im just going to be ok w it#like sure its not exciting but i like the colors and that shld be enough . OK !!!!#smth smth saw a post that talked ab how u get too in ur Head about this and then u dont share stuff and it becomes cyclical#and youll never get anywhere unless u just throw ur hands in the air and let it Be .#creating 4 the sake of creating . love and joy in sharing what we made and what we like#YAAAY#and bc i love elendira so much.. my go to girlie 4 art block#i need to draw her in fight scenes . i need 2 make art of her like sweaty and bloody yah . clenching my fist#maybe a livio fight scene bc i love it so much T_T
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Get Ready for the Traffic Shipping Tournament of 2025!!!!!
It is time to vote for your favourite ships again!!!
The top 32 ships from the 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series fandom on ao3 was chosen to take part in this tournament (The stats of which you can see here)
However unlike last years match placements, which were random, this year we're giving everyone an opponent of their size by placing them in pairs by their order (Basically: 1 with 2, 3 with 4, 5 with 6,... so on and so on)
Every round of polls will last a week
FIRST ROUND IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Finally and most importantly, be kind to each other. This is just a silly tournament
Tags for easy navigation:
The actual match polls -> Polls
If you want support your ship by more than just voting, you can make your own propaganda posts and ask me to reblog them (with the link to the posts) or send me your propaganda in the asks to share for you! Propaganda could be anything from stellar art to incoherent yelling about your faves to bribing -> Tournament Propaganda
Fun stats about the polls for those who enjoy them! -> Tournament Stats
#trafficshipping#traffic shipping#trafficblr#Also copy pasting last years tags here as a reminder that#i don't know if this needs to be said but: all of these ships are of the fictional characters not ccs#another thing that i don't know if needs to be said is: do not tag ccs about the polls. your purpose does not matter. don't bother them#if a cc finds this on their own and wants to engage with it that's fine they can do whatever they want#not that i think this tournament will get big enough for that to happen anyway but i am simply prewarning just in case#this is just a silly tournament about block people ships i've decided to make so we can all have some fun as a fandom#so just remember to be nice to other people and their ships. if you see one you don't like simply root for your own ship harder#also if you do not like this blog or tournament simply blocking this blog will be better for us all
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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Mini rant below and in the tags, the only time Iāll talk about this and my personal take on it.
The way people talk about hypothetical male Anya on Twitter and the idea of how Mouthwashing would play out if the genders were swapped makes me remember how people still donāt take sexual assault and rape with male victims with the same gravity, especially when the perpetrator is female.
#not even gonna tag this cause I donāt want to start discourse in the tags but you can absolutely still explore the concepts of patriarchy#toxic masculinity misogyny and rape culture if the genders where swapped#like those concepts donāt disappear just because Anya is a boy now cause you have to think of all the ways it applies to male victims and#I just donāt understand why people keep getting angry when people facilitate different discussion the game opens you up to#like yes I get the frustration with not seeing the conversations you want but start them go find them why complain on other posts when#people are bringing attention to similar issues and the ways they are overlooked dismissed or blame the victim#I for one think we should have more basic clarifying conversations of SA rape cultures and how toxic masculinity and sexism create scenarios#like the Tulpar and enable men like Jimmy but I also can understand and enjoy the topic being expanded upon to include other cases on a#flipped scale like yes how male centered the fandom is is annoying considering the topic but seeing comments saying that SA isnāt as harmful#to men cause they canāt get pregnant is a whole can of worms you really need to unpack cause holy shit#like in this scenario if Jimmy is pregnant and canāt get rid of the baby Anya is the father yes Jimmy is pregnant but thatās because in this#swap she assaulted a man lied to either say it was consensual he forced himself on her or like canon panicked and semi admitted to forcing#him either way he is afraid to do anything because men do get blamed for defending themselves against women in these situations not to#mention the shaming that occurs because he is a man and should step up for the kids sake and likely be told he should be proud a girl wanted#him that much like yes you have to explain it more but bodily autonomy in this scenario is just as nuanced and I canāt believe I have to#defend something being male centered in a game where the rape of a woman is the catalyst just because people are saying SA for men#is not as damaging or degrading or harmful to autonomy as it is to a woman like how can you want conversations on rape culture and shut down#people bringing up other nuances in the conversation#like people are gonna jump around with it I know but if you only want to talk about one thing stay in that sphere like I just donāt get#going to another space especially one that isnāt even being weird or toxic and starting shit cause you donāt like it like the amount of#unnecessary and mean comments on normal art of think pieces Iāve seen on Twitter is crazy like itās stupid callout shit for the sake of just#not liking something like Iām seeing so much screen shotting and vague posting like just at the bitch and fight about it like itās still a#relatively small fandom ur just asking for in fighting on like the few things we shouldnāt have to worry about#as a victim my self and who has been in other situations and being afab I just canāt understand the vitriol toward this sort of discussion#mouthwashing#actually I will tag this cause you can explore the themes in mouthwashing still stop being freaks and just block bitches ong
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short neuvifuri angst idea
"Oh, did you enjoy the script that she wrote? Did you like the role that you were cast as? I hope you were happy in those five hundred years, Neuvillette, because I never was!"
Furina storms off after pushing him, leaving him drenched to the bone and sitting awkwardly in the waters of the Fountain of Lucine with naught to do but contemplate his long lasting memories. Remembering the way she would smile is an easy endeavor. Furina always looked sincere when smiling; perhaps he wasn't looking hard enough, but surely even fleeting moments between just the two of them had to have brought her some amount of happiness, as small as it may be.
He thinks of one long ago night, during the third century of her reign. Actually, right on the cusp of the new milestone, he recalls the Palais had been eerily silent after wrapping up a week of festivities held in Furina's honor. The people of Fontaine were still celebrating, and would be doing so until the early hours of the morning, but all was still within the Palais. Except for them, that is. She had supposedly retired to her bedchambers, and him to his office, yet the two had bumped into each other within the kitchen.
"Let's go to the Opera," she had told him, in lieu of answering when he asked what she was doing. He supposes that the flecks of pastry crumbs on her clothes answered that, and he didn't ask other questions such as why she wanted to go to the Opera. He followed her as willingly as if she had simply asked for the time.
(Their whole relationship had been like that, hadn't it? A duty that extended beyond just an Archon and her Iudex. He once heard the Traveler mention a sea of flowers at the end of the world, and should Furina declare that she would like to see such a sight, he would tear down Celestia just to make it happen.)
Furina had packed a basket of food to bring, and two bottles of wine to go with. Then they partook perhaps more than they should've, and perhaps he should've questioned if Archons can get drunk, or if a Sovereign should be getting drunk with one. He definitely should have stopped her from going into the storerooms of the Epiclese and procuring even more for them. The memories start to get a little hazy after that, but he can vaguely recall a remark she made about the location not being the best choice, and that she wanted to get away from something. He can't recall who made the decision to go up, and have him help carry her as they climb to the roof, but suspects it was still her doing.
As clear as day, though, he can remember her smile, bathed in the light of the slowly rising sun as it crested over the waters of her dominion. Out of every beautiful sight in Fontaine, she is the one he gets to appreciate most often, but never before in a light like this. He could gaze at that moment for another hundred years and never tire of it. "Dragon of the waters," she had called him, "might you allow an Archon to call you theirs?"
Should she have asked him that at the start of her reign, should they have been in a similar situation, the answer would be clear. He might have even wondered, with the walls of the Court to block them from their peoples' sights, if an Archon so in love with her people would fall like one if he shoved her. But they were not in the past, and he already knew by then that he had come to love her, and thus his answer was "I was under the belief that I already was yours, Lady Furina, both within my capacity as your Chief Justice and without. The people of Fontaine adore you, yet it is my love for you that truly knows no bounds. Nothing would make me happier than to be yours."
"They do, don't they," she had whispered, a note he almost lost to time with how he just barely could hear her. "Promise me this, Neuvillette, if you wish to be mine- promise you will never stray from your duties to Fontaine, and you will always, always, do what is best for her people."
"I will."
"And promise that you will stay by my side forever, then, for another three centuries and beyond that, even if you grow tired of me!"
"Of course, Furina, is... is something the matter?"
It was the first time he had seen her come close to crying, droplets of tears clumping her eyelashes together yet disappearing as she blinked, "Oh, you silly dragon, only the fact that you make me ever so happy."
Leaving the warmth of the memory behind, Neuvillette returns to the cold of an overcast sky dripping with sleet, as a blue silhouette leaves him behind and disappears into the cloudy distance.
#i didn't feel like writing the beginning but it's just them getting into an argument over how they feel for each other#cause i love the idea of furina rejecting *everything* that anyone ever might have felt for her while she posed as an archon#bc then she'd have felt like they didn't love her. they loved *focalors*. they loved her for who she can pretend to be#and not for who she actually is.#she needs therapy!! so does he!! everyone in fontaine does!!#this may be barely edited but it's still getting posted :D#genshin#genshin impact#furina#neuvillette#neuvifuri#fanfiction#genshin fanfiction#angst#idk if anyone will see this but if anyone might start to be like āwell *i* see them as having a parent-child or sibling relationship-ā#do the fuck not. my headcanons do not invalidate yours and yours don't invalidate mine!#two people can interpret a canon relationship differently and that's okay! i also enjoy viewing them with a more familial relationship!#but i also enjoy getting to explore their characterizations within a romantic relationship! they've got multitudes! and that's fine!#and if you don't like something just block the tag and move on or smth you literally don't need to engage with anything if you don't want t#sorry for the rant!! love and peace everyone :D
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Would you guys want me to post fanfics on here if they're still monster romance?? I asked this before for a one-shot and people said yes but this would be a long series I'd be posting weekly so I feel like I should gauge interest again.
#I really love this thing but i don't want to clog up ppls feeds if they're not into it#ig people could just block the story tag if they didn't want to see it#anyways if yall did want it it would start going up in about a week and some change#Part of me rlly wants to post it here just to make other ppl excited about my favorite boy lol#I hate the way the polls make you type a question#like I just added a paragraph of context I don't need any more lol#also its kind of a dubiously monstrous subject but he's inhuman and deeply offputting so I'm counting him and no one can stop me#also it would be Cole from dragon age fanfic I maybe should have mentioned this
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just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE your comic I am so inspired by it and itās so lovely and I wanna buy the physical books (Iāve never done that before) I just AUGGHHH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO ššš
do you allow fanart? And is there anything not allowed? I wanna draw adam and steve so bad š
Of course it's allowed! Fanart fanfic fan music fan dubs whatever!
I like to think I'm sort of "building a playground" when I make a story, have fun on it! I made it for you!
In my general opinion, it's not my business what my "fandom" does... It's on you and also me to curate our own spaces! If you're inspired by my work in any way, that's the greatest honor I could imagine and I want you to feel fully free to explore that. If someone is being weird, I know where the block button is and they can keep being weird where I don't have to see it haha
Just don't like... sell it... it's messy legally with webtoon and I'm one person making the story and it's my whole income so the few sales I get are kind of huge for me ;_;
#the way I see it is if I put up a boundary of like 'dont make something that I wouldnt want to see'#all it does is scare the people who respect me into not making anything!#and the people who were never going to respect me anyways were going to make those things regardless#because they didn't respect me. so they wouldnt care if I put that boundary up.#so my opinion is like honestly it's not my business what you do... if you're doing something weird with my story it's not reflecting on me#like youre the one doing the weird thing not me...? so why would I care LOL#I'm pretty good about blocking tags or ignoring the things that make me uncomfortable. which has happened#also like. I'll be honest#if you sold like 3 I also wouldnt care AHGASJGLKGJASLGKJSA#cause idk. I dont generally feel like it's taking away from my business...#idk!!! it's a weird zone#like I need money to live but morally I'm not opposed to other people making art and selling it so idk where to land on that#but uhhh webtoon wouldnt like it if you sold it. so#I'm not going to like go after someone idk...#if I did not need the money to live. I wouldnt care at all and would probably encourage other people selling my stuff#or like their art of my stuff. not my art of my stuff. never do that#thats just regular theft#but webtoon does NOT!!! like that and idk how much they go after stuff like that. I know they went after scanlation sites sob#novaeverse#asks#sorry this is so unclear. my opinions on it are unclear lmao#basically. do whatever.#I can't stop what you are doing and I will not waste the energy trying#all I ask for is some basic respect!#and I dont think I can or should ask for more. so#enjoy! make whatever! it's literally making free art for me AUGASJGLKSAJGALKGJ how could I say no...
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I never stop thinking about them.
SEND ME ART REQUESTS BOY
#yeah this is basically an art dump#just a bunch of miscellaneous doodles#that last one is from when I first made the au. I do like. basically doodle sheets. if you understand#there's a bunch of other stuff that I marked out that's why there's a bunch of empty space at the top#if you recognize the individual things from it. no you don't.#god for some reason I think I'm fucking ALLERGIC to using reference. of like any kind#the only one I used anyreference for was the. snowball one which was a pose#also btw I'm trying to break out of a bit of art block teehee#anyways.#spenxer lou art#lou is an artist#fma au#I need to make an actual tag for this au but I'll do it later. when I pin down a name#I really like tongued alchemist. . . it's funny#roleswap au#fma#fmab#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#alphonse elric#edward elric#traditional art#writhes around on the floor#I have a short comic idea for Ed. because I like making them talk about their feelings sometimes#but Idk if I wanna do it rn. . .we'll see#it's been on my mind#AUUAGHHUHUH Also I lost. my favorite mechanical pencil at a waffle house#I'm so fucking sad about it#I'm going to the craft store tomorrow tho so. fingers crossed#I think. I can stop now. falls to the floor and rolls away like a log
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im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character
#bad writing is still canon unfortunately#the place where i absolutely draw the line is gallavich being verse don't fucking piss me off @shameless writers#unfortunately your fav characters did do and say those bad things..... and to ignore that is too fundamentally misunderstand their character#how can you love a person when you choose to be blind to who they are </3#this isn't directed toward anybody y'all are just being very dramatic lately and really i think we should remember that tv shows aren't real#i can recognize when someone is caused by bad writing but i still have to accept that it's a real thing that happened#like. do i find shameless entertaining? YES! is it well written? FUCK NO#it's actually fundamentally a bad show in many ways. but that's WHY i enjoy discussing it#it's why my hyperfixation hasn't died down. because theres just SO MUCH to pick apart and interpret and discuss!#it's actually so bad at times i blocked it out of my memory!#but if i believe something isn't canon or *shouldn't be canon* (HUGE difference between those 2 things)#then i should explain why i think that. and i also need to accept that others disagree#but if you say everything you don't like is just ooc bad writing and therefore not real to canon then#....lol what are you even doing here#like. we should be rallying against the writers for being actively racist homophobic transphobic fatphobic ableist etc#yet we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses fighting about which character fanclub is the most oppressed#WHO CARESSSSS JOHN WELLS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US IT TRULY ISN'T WORTH WASTING YOUR BREATH OVER#i just want to read about 2 toxic kinky boys kissing idk#let me say this tho! hardcore fiona stans you gotta be the most out of touch people on planet earth!#okay goodnight everypony#wall of text in the tags#a.txt
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would it be lame/annoying/etc. to do like a figure friday every now and then just to talk about parts of my collectionā¦
#keep in mind it wouldnāt be every friday because I would run out of things to talk about much faster#BUT it would be like. every now and then. On Friday :)#ahh I dunno.. I donāt want to seem shallow by talking about physical objects so often#i rly donāt mean to be if it comes across that way#my collecting is like. a symptom. LMAO#whenever I get a new fixation I have to have things about it#even passing interests I need to have something from or I feel weirdly anxious#I will say it can be remedied by like. printing posters. but I love figures so much#I think it connects into my belief that some inanimate objects are somehow alive#my thought process is āI really like this character. I want to have a figure of them so I can treat it well to show my affectionā#thatās normal. right#OK ENOUGH RAMBLING all that to say the things Iāve gathered mean a lot to me and I want to share that with my little following here#each piece usually has a story connected to it#and I want to invite others to talk about their collections with me#fig fri would always go under a readmore and have its own tag also for ease of blocking or just scrolling by!!#j.yammering
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...So! There are at least two people on tumblr who hate me with absolute loathing š
#By which I mean that I've been on this new account for a few days only and two people have blocked me#I have not interacted with them in that time#and yes they had me blocked on my old account#so... the only explanation is that they regularly check the Silmarillion tag and saw my posts showing up in it?#but like this implies that (a) they remembered my url (which I changed recently?) and pfp (which people sometimes share??) that well#and (b) decided 'block on sight' was the thing to do#and (c) went *on* my blog to find the url of my main and blocked me there#...and that's some level of investment#I did in fact get into a quarell with one of the blogs... nearly two years ago I think#mostly to learn that they're a raging hypocrite (including but not limited to 'you vagueing me is rude but not the other way round)#but that was not the case with the other#anyway yeah I'm probably making more of it than most would because I seem to be the very rare one here to consider blocking a last resort?#but also one of those people clearly vagued that they detest me so apparently that's still the caseš
#anyway they're an idiot but I don't like being detested. would prefer a mild dislike#*also the issue we thought on is no longer really a thing but whatever#therese rambles#I don't think this counts as a rant? idk#therese rants#no commiserations needed I can deal with it
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WELCOME, TO THE TRAFFIC SHIPPING TOURNAMENT OF 2023!!!
Where 32 trafficblr ships will be going against each other to find out who comes out on top, so vote for your favourites!!!
The 32 ships chosen for this bracket are the current ships with most fics on 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series fandom on ao3
All of the ships were arranged randomly for the bracket
Every round of polls will last a week
Finally and most importantly, be kind to each other. This is just a silly tournament
Tags for easy navigation:
The actual match polls -> Polls
The propaganda made by people with hopes to sway your votes! You can support your ships with your own propaganda by sending this blog an ask with the link to the propaganda post you want to be reblogged! -> Tournament Propaganda
Fun stats about the polls for those who enjoy them! -> Tournament Stats
The tournament is over and our winner is GemPearl!!!
#trafficshipping#traffic shipping#trafficblr#I don't know if this needs to be said but: All of these ships are of the fictional characters not CCs#Another thing that I don't know if needs to be said is: Do NOT tag CCs about the polls. Your purpose does not matter. don't bother them#If a CC finds this on their own and wants to engage with it that's fine they can do what they want#Not that I think this tournament will get big enough for that to happen anyway but I am simply prewarning just in case#This is just a silly tournament about block people ships I've decided to make so we can all have some fun as a fandom#So just remember to be nice to other people and their ships. If you see one you don't like simply root for your own ship harder#Also if you do not like this blog or tournament simply blocking this blog will be better for us all
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask āwhyā and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might āhurtā you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not āthe 'tismā or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad š but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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this is a test
#iām bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters thatās actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring letās think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk iām not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad thatās a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isnāt all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw thereās probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i donāt#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like iām actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much itās crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books theyāre all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry thatās made everything a bit messy. i shouldāve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think youāre being annoying i literally donāt care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now itās just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i donāt really have any thoughts to put here idk if weāre halfway ermmmm omg itās#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. itās wild how itās basically almost christmas. like#what. thatās illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesnāt crash or#smth cause iāve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but iāve saved it and holy jesus itās a lot of text im just sat here giggling thereās really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldnāt that be crazy) so wait thereās 140#haracters and 30 tags so whatās 30 x 140. someone hurry. i havenāt done maths lessons in two and a half years iāve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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will you shut the fuck up? what if the shit doesn't hit the fan? what if we do make it? what if you don't die? can you have a little hope? just have a little hope
#stop dooming your own narrative and living under that shadow. ffs#this isn't actually vagueing at anyone here this is vagueing at my grandpa bc I've been mildly annoyed all week#that he's SO fatalistic about EVERYTHING. like yeah the world sucks. so what? stop being cynical about it#which is hilarious bc he's the SOFTEST guy ever. he just occasionally goes off on these deeply cynical rambles#in the softest friendliest tone of voice and I'm like. wow. can you maybe have a little hope please???#anyway I'm gonna say this in the tags here bc I have a weird mental block about making a Real Post:#please pray for my grandpa bc his heart surgery went great but he's been diagnosed with a pretty bad form of cancer#so... yeah#prayers for him and our whole family and all of their relationships with God to grow instead of getting worse and etc etc etc#I'm at the OTHER grandparents' house rn and need prayer for OTHER things here but. yeh#Lu rambles#soz for the language I just needed to say this
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