#systems should heal however they feel they need to

[only-man-in-the-sky]

"I hope you get to heal enough to experience final fusion someday" sorry but that's like actually not possible. yeah. sorry

[p1utofairy]

★ WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT IN REGARDS TO YOUR LOVE LIFE?

NOTE: miss me? hehe. i felt called to answer the bat signal (i saw y’alls messages in my ask box ILYSM) take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. thank y’all for the support always. 🫂

PILE ONE.

ooo this fall i do see a very solid romantic connection coming into fruition for you, pile 1. there’s such a high level of comfortability between you both it’s sooooo sweet and endearing. you could already be friends with this person, but if that’s not the case, they will be your best friend and lover wrapped into one. diary by alicia keys is coming to mind – wow! the energy is very sensual and venusian-like. maybe you or this person has taurus and/or libra placements? you two connect on such a deep spiritual level. i can just feel it, pile 1. opening up to this person will be so easy for you, which is crazy because i feel like you’re not vulnerable/open with just ANYBODY.

lay your head on my pillow, here you can be yourself. no one has to know what you are feeling, no one but me and you. OKAY BYE I’LL CRY RN?! the emotions between you two run very deep & i feel like you both will create such a calm, intimate and loving space for each other. this connection will be so healing — i’m picking up that either you or your person never truly knew what it felt like to have a strong support system or someone in your corner through thick and thin, but let me tell you something, pile 1. you and your person will show up and out for each other!

you might be a bit defensive or standoffish towards this person at first, because you’re afraid of being hurt or let down once again. however, i want you to know that it’s okay to open your heart and be receptive. some of you that picked this pile might have a scorpio moon, because i’m picking up that it’s really hard to knock down that wall you have built around yourself. this person wants to take the time out to get to know you, the REAL you, and all your little quirks and interests because there’s more that meets the eye when it comes to you. i feel like you compartmentalize different aspects and traits within yourself & suppress them to conform to what others think you should be/should act like — but your person is saying f*ck that. they are going to love you in all your glory.

i’m ngl you could see yourself settling down with this person. they’ll fulfill you in so many ways that others can't even imagine or measure up to. this person is going to take care of you & splurge on you. they have very dominant energy and you’re going to love that about them lol for some of you might f*ck around and have a baby with this person. for a small portion of this pile, they might already have a child from a previous relationship. if that’s not the case though, you’re just going to love how hands on they are with you (literally hehe) & how they take the lead and make all your dreams come true. your person also has a lot of sexual energy lol in the best way possible. it’s so sly and lowkey but you’ll be folding like a pretzel pile 1 LOL.

channeled messages:

pov by ariana grande, free mind by tems, touch my body by mariah carey, you’re the only one that i want, dangerously in love pt. 2 by beyoncé.

PILE TWO

i think you need to get yourself out there a little moreeee, pile 2. i think that you’ll have more opportunities to meet new people and have some fun experiences, but it’s up to you to go out there and mingle. you’ve been keeping to yourself for a while now and there’s nothing wrong with that. pulling your energy back & recharging is good for the soul, but you also need to step into your power and claim what’s yours. remember – whatever you want, wants you even more. you’re glowing tf up this fall, pile 2.

you’re definitely elevating and so many people are going to peep it, especially romantic suitors. get out of your heads my lovely pile 2’s and open your mind + your heart to the limitless possibilities and opportunities that await you. you downplay yourself too much! TALK YOUR SHIT. you’re gonna have a couple love interests trying to get your attention & shooting their shot and it might throw you off, but just go with it. f*ck it, the more the merrier. lol i’m kidding but seriously have some fun!

you’ll know who is worth the chance and who isn’t. some of you that picked this pile might be a little inexperienced when it comes to relationships/love, so you just need some side quests and test runs to decipher what you do and don’t like lol. i’m also picking up a situation-ship vibe from this pile as well – some of you might have a lot of options but all you can think about is one specific person. you might not be talking to them right now, but your guides don’t want you to worry too much about them. focus on how you can create the reality you want for yourself. you’re the main character of your story, don’t be a perpetual side character in somebody else’s. i’m getting a lot of different messages for this pile, but one of the main things that’s sticking out to me is that whoever you pick/choose to entertain, you will have intense sexual chemistry with that person lol. you won’t be able to fight it hehe it’ll be the start of something new and exciting, pile 2.

channeled messages:

body by summer walker, go out with your friends, lemon drop, out of my head lupe fiasco ft. trey songz.

PILE THREE.

oh my, pile 3. did y’all just get out of a relationship or situationship? it’s really giving that. i think you need to work on becoming more grounded, and enforce healthy boundaries with your romantic partners and just everyone in general tbh. you’re so giving and nurturing. you’re always pouring into others, but where are they when it’s time to pour into you? you’ve had to come to terms with this the hard way :( people think that because you’re so compassionate and forgiving that they can walk all over you. this feeling of frustration has bubbled up inside of you for so long now, that it makes you feel pessimistic when it comes to love.

your guides want you to release this energy and not let it set you back or deter you from opening yourself up to a new partner that can and will cherish you. your love is very powerful – you are a REAL lover! if you get knocked down, you’ll rise up 10x stronger. please remember that always. your love is divine, it’s pure and it’s simply addicting; that’s why people felt like they could just take and take and take without you saying anything to them. the person that you were previously connected to knows you have a good heart, but they don’t value it. i am very happy to let you know that there is a special someone out there that will, and they are coming towards you.

they will claim you loud & proud and be so greatful to have you in their life and by their side. your person is so encouraging and kind, yet a lil rough around the edges – you almost wouldn’t expect this from them. they’re definitely going to match your freak lol. physical touch + words of affirmation might be their love language too btw. i think you need to let go of your ex/previous situationship, and take a leap of faith into the unknown with this new person. their love will feel so freeing and refreshing <3 the love between you both will hold no bounds. you deserve this pile, 3.

channeled messages:

wait for you by future ft. drake & tems, i’ll be there for you/you're all i need by method man ft. mary j blige, maddy perez, mula, ketu-moon aspect, anything by SWV, the weekend by sza.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hiii, could you write about reader being a support system for Caracalla and Geta? Mainly Geta? Cause Caracalla has his brother and Geta carried the burden of the empire and his brother's illness but who Geta had? 😭

Thanks

Words weren’t needed when you could clearly see the heaviness and exhaustion with Geta’s eyes and how lifeless he seemed as he gazed out to nowhere in particular. It was a sight you saw multiple times whenever you were called upon this late in the night, nights where you could tell the day had taken everything out of Geta in ways you wouldn’t truly understand, yet you could feel deep within your heart that the laurels upon his head weighed so heavily he might as well have the entirety of Rome slowly crushing him.

You knew how much pressure he was under and how tied his hands were with ruling Rome while also caring for Caracalla and his illness, you only knew this because besides from Geta himself you were Caracalla’s secondary support, only for times when he acts against himself if Geta himself was occupied elsewhere. You subconsciously rubbed the now healed scar upon your wrist that seemed to burn with remembrance of Caracalla’s last outburst where Geta was meeting with the senate, if only you had gotten the knife out of his reach in them to prevent your injury, however such an injury didn’t stop you from keeping a strong hold on the emperor as he continued to scream until his lungs gave out and he inevitably collapsed from exhaustion.

Tonight you knew was a heavier one as the air felt thick, felt stifling and borderline suffocating, almost as though with each breath you took you were unable to get back to your lungs like it didn’t belong to you anymore for it was someone else’s. ‘My emperor your eyes weigh heavier tonight than the last.’ You speak softly as you awaited for him to gesture for you to sit by him as per routine, wanting him to have a choice in something for once and to give him the freedom of choice in whether he wanted your company or not.

Geta maybe the emperor but something tells you that most of the time he didn’t feel as though he had any power to wield, for there will always be hushed words in the shadows behind his back praying upon a moment to dethrone him; only to replace him with a better fit as gradual trickles of paranoia and fears of betrayal bleeds into his mind. He was torn between Rome and his brother, yet he was lost and not willing to seek guidance from the very same people who ultimately lead him down the path they needed to be rid of him. Geta couldn’t make clear of his thoughts as they all seem to blur into one incomprehensible mess of chaos and doubt.

His deep brown eyes looked at you from between fingers as they conveyed every ounce of emotion he was feeling as tears silently streamed from them. Yet despite how pathetic he might feel, to you he looked ethereal when he was deep within his emotions and looked like the many sculptures and statues you seen, carefully crafted by gifted hands to be able to be seen as art even when rampant with conflicting emotions. Geta was a young man and right now he wasn’t ruthless or sadistic, he was alone and he was lost amidst all the chaos that happened under his reign, and was silently crying out for someone - maybe the gods- to hear his plea for help and aid.

So the gods sent you as his aid, his support and most trusted confidant that it scared Geta to no end how deep his faith in you was. Everyone else could betray him and yet he’d knew you stood firmly by him and Caracalla, you knew on a level which many didn’t and he couldn’t help that whenever he felt lost or hurt you were the one he’d always call upon, for he’d knew that you didn’t care whether it was day or night you would always be there should he ever need you; and right now he needed you more then ever before for the burden was far to heavy for him to carry alone anymore.

‘My eyes have always been heavy.’ Geta replied. ‘That much we’re both aware.’ he then extended his hand towards you, palm upwards in a silent gesture for you to take into you own, which you did as gently as you could by trailing your fingers across his open palm gingerly -and feeling him slightly stiffen beneath your grazes- before intertwining them between his own as you sat beside him.

‘Your eyes are burdened with so much, yet as much as your souls wishes to yield, you do not and instead push forward.’ You tell him as you squeezed his hand in soft reassurance. ‘My emperor you are human with limitations and that is not something to be ashamed of, it is not something you should consider a fault on your character for being human. Power tends to make people forget often that the person with the most power within their fingertips was just as human, if not more than the rest.’ You added as you watched Geta as his jaw and feel his hand tightly grip your own in response.

‘You are too kind towards a soul like mine, far too kind to have to be scarred as you have.’ Geta says in a low voice as his thumb rubbed over the scar on your wrist, his dark eyes softened and filled with a semblance of guilt but also relief in knowing that despite seeing the worst in his brother, you still stayed by them regardless like a pillar of support for them both. It was something that he had admired in you for a while but wasn’t given the chance to voice how grateful he was for your undivided support and open mindedness when it came to dealing with himself, Caracalla, his illness and having to deal with being the only person that the brothers could rely on.

‘And I wouldn’t change it for anything.’ You reassured him as your other hand rested against his face, stroking away his tears and feeling your heart ache upon seeing the way Geta was quick to burrow his face into your hand, his face relaxing into your touch as the worry lines fade from view; showing you the handsome man beneath the emperor. ‘I will gladly be your pillar to rest upon, a shoulder to wail your ails into should it take the pain off of your soul, as I only wish for you to share the burden with me however you feel for no man should carry a weight heavier then himself alone. Not even yourself my emperor.’

‘Geta, I told you once before to refer me as my name when it is just us, you are more then deserving of such for all you’ve done for me and my brother both, but me in particular for you are a gift given to me by the gods.’ Geta then opens his eyes to look at you in a way that felt admirable and almost worship like that it was enough to leave a wave of warmth overcome you. It was odd to have Geta view you in such a way that you never noticed before, after all you were just someone he and his brother could lean on for emotional support and attention that they both lacked, yet you felt reminded as to why you did what you did in the first place; you wanted to be the respite Geta couldn’t give himself.

‘Apologise Geta I must’ve forgotten in due to proper formalities required when addressing you and your brother.’ You told him but he only weakly waved his hand dismissively.

‘I have no need for your apology when you’ve already proven yourself a trustful person to be allowed the privilege to address me as such. Yet I feee it’s the least I could provide you that could amount to the help you’ve been.’ Geta nuzzles himself back into your hand, eyes tired and body desperate for sleep from everything that had plagued him deeply. His brother was fast asleep from his early outburst in thanks to you and everything with the senate was settled, all the young emperor wanted now was to just live on this moment with you for as long as he could, but your warm presence and kind touches were enough to have him drifting in and out of consciousness.

‘Then if I can be bold and implore that you rest for the night.’ You then say as you could see the fight within him on whether he should stay awake with you or fall into a slumber with the rest of Rome.

‘Then if I may be so bold and suggest that you rest here beside me.’ Geta responded as he gently tugged at your hands, pulling you into his arms with effortless ease before bringing himself to rest against his aching back against the plush bed with the expensive sheets. Normally you would be against such a thing, but with the events that had played out prior only left you tired and equally as desperate to fall into a state of slumber with the rest of Rome.

‘Only for tonight.’ You said in barely above a whisper as you rest your head on his bare chest that peaked through his robe, hearing his heart beat against your ear as his hands rested against your back, rubbing up and down it soothingly and softly.

‘Only for tonight.’ Geta echoed.

This wasn’t the only night you spend sleeping in the same bed as the emperor himself, at least as two separate individuals at least.

[sirenmoontarot]

How do you need to nurture yourself? ☁️🕊️

𝑀𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓅 ~ 𝒫𝓈𝓎𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒸 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 ~ 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈

~~~~~ 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 ~~~~~

Welcome to the cottage! I am Alla <3 Sit with me in the garden and let’s have some mystic tea as we see what the Oracle has to tell you. Take what resonates and leave the rest!

Pile 1

Okay guys so for this first group i feel that what you actually need to do is to shine on and embrace yourself as how you are and instead of giving into the chaos of uncertainties and your emotions, allowing yourself to gently flow through those emotions in order for you to be fully yourself. We have the moon theme twice, you would benefit from connecting with it, and using the full moon to manifest. I strongly feel you need to expand your energies, you are constrainign yourself a lot of the time, you dont know how to navigate in your own emotions, this pile is encouraged to believe in your power to create, vision, manifest, create the lifeyou want. The power of the yet-not-created is yours. However in your journey this is continuousl affected by pains and shadows of the past, making you sttray away from you power and purpose. I sense many people of this pile have number 11 prominent in their numerology or birthday. Indicating you are called to lead in this lifetime and you also have a strong purpose here that could be related to spirituality, but it often is hard to manage or not fall in the negativity that makes you sabotage everything. The moon reminds you you are in constant fluctuation and you should embrace the ‘’becoming’’ and the feminine principles of flowing, and embracing your emotions. Times of rest and restoration are needed for you to recharge and connect deeper. A new depth of your spiritual practice is calling you. You should aim for ease and stillness, this will help your mind and life overall. The archeptype you have to heal within yourself is ‘’the judge’’ are you using this to be critical ofyourselg, punishimg, unforgiving, building walls around you? This is a powerful energy and it is a gift of discernment, to do the right actions, power, advocacy and compassion but you have to be careful if you are channeling it wrong towards yourself and therefore others…

Pile 2

First of all I am hearing guys you should believe more that you are on ther right paht, because you are. Start walking more confidently in your life, be in presence, strongly with the conviction that you are where you need to be. You need to work on your shame feelings, everything that doesnt let you live as you would wish. You need to meditate more to calm down those thoughts and dissolve those traumas. To find an inner temple inside. Stop hesitating so much, it all comes from childhood wounds. Many people of this group will resonate with the childhood wound of humiliation. You need to feel mothered, some of you in this group need this very strongly, due to mother wound. Connecting to the earth can help you on this, and after that, you will also learn to mother yourself. You also struggle to fully connect to yourself and find yourself a reliable, sacred space. This is normal it also comes with growth, but you are led to do this now, find or create a sacred space within yourself. The feelings of safety are necessary to you as well. sometimes trauma gets embedded in our system, but we are not always in danger. Practicing the mantra ‘’ i am in peace ‘’ can help you a lot. You need to find security in yourself! Also remember to give yourself the space to evolve, change, with ease, grace, and nurturing. Let yourself shed as many skins as you need. Life might have been extra tough for you lately, as if Saturn was lashing you, lol but you are called to breathe and find activities, places that allow you to breathe, expand, release the tention, stress and burden, and this way see the colours of life again. I am seeing lots of green so again, for this group connecting to nature specially trees and rivers will be very nourishing for you.

Pile 3

Okay you guys for this group the energies are very clear, i am getting PRAYING, connecting with the divine; you should hand over your worries, problems and burdens to the Divine. Put your hands on to work, on what you can control and let God do the rest. Hand it over, The thing is, the Divinity wants you to, not put your energies, focus, power in the wrong things. Some things have to end from your life, for actually better things that would be surprising to you will come. Don’t attach yourslef, mainly is out of fear or unawareness of the wonders of the universe. Do not force, let thing run its course, and count on the Divine to help you out, ask God and your angels for an easy path, for the solution, for them to guide you in ease and out of stress. The Divine wants you to start living your soul’s path, and not to focus elsewhere, things that may seem shiny are actually a void, there are other paths that are more aligned to our soul’s nature, abilities and evolution. You are called to go to a temple, you could also create one, or make your house/room a little temple. You are also called to nurture your human vessel, both physical and spiritually and actually embrace this term of Vessel to know more about what it means and might represents for you.

~~~~~ 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 ~~~~~

Thank you for reading! Remember, take what resonates, leave the rest. Lots of blessings ☁️🪽🌙🕊️

~~~~~ 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 ~~~~~

[swiftyangx12]

🎃🍭🧁Universal Studios Japan: Halloween Horror Nights! (Not Sponsored!)🍰🍬☠️

[Synopsis]: Kenji and [Y/N] came to celebrate Halloween by visiting USJ for their annual Halloween Horror Nights.

[TW]: Nothing, really.

Venom![Y/N]: Kenji, thanks for planning this date. I always wanted to visit USJ, especially during Halloween.

Kenji: *Adorning with a baseball cap* You always hinted you wanted to come here, so I booked us tickets for tonight.

Venom![Y/N]: Which I’m grateful for. It’s still pretty early since the shows don’t start until around 7.

Venom: “We should try the snacks and maybe taste some “zombies” later on.”

Venom![Y/N]: V, those are scare actors. Not the actual undead.

Kenji: Venom being a pain in the ass, again?

Venom![Y/N]: Don’t worry about it. We should definitely try out some rides and maybe meet Hami-Kuma.

🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️

[7:15 p.m.]

[Y/N]: Just in time, the shows are starting.

Kenji: Your friend hasn’t bother us for a while.

[Y/N]: Oh, I let him out.

Kenji: What?

[Y/N]: No worries, he’s probably hosting someone who nobody would suspect. I even told him we’ll meet up at Mel’s Drive-In at 9.

Kenji: You’re really causal about that.

[Y/N]: It’s not the first time he’s out of my body. Remember how he snuck in your system for quick healing?

Kenji: *Shivers from the reminder* Don’t need to be reminded.

[Y/N]: He’ll come around. Let’s have some fun!

🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️

[One Hour Later]

[Y/N]: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!

[Another Kaiju attack at USJ]

Kenji: Go somewhere safe.

[Y/N]: I’m not going anywhere.

Kenji: You don’t have V with you.

[Y/N]: I can still help. I’ll take everyone to safety.

[The Symbiote host helps the guests and employees to exit out of the park. Meanwhile Kenji transforms into Ultraman and now occupied handling the Kaiju.]

Ultraman: “Could use some reinforcements.” *Holds back the monster*

[A little kid fell over and [Y/N] hurries over to pick them up in their arms.]

[Y/N]: It’s okay, I got you. Where’s your mom and dad?

[A married couple waves at them and [Y/N] sprints towards the two, hurrying their pace. A dark shadow hovers cast over [Y/N] and the kid, feeling panic while trying to speed through. Just a split second, Ultraman pulls the Kaiju away on time as [Y/N] returns the couple’s kid safely. The parents thanked them graciously for saving their child before disaster struck. They left quickly before more damage could be done.]

Venom: *Crawls up behind [Y/N] and merges back in their body* “What did I miss?”

[Y/N]: A lot, V. Ultraman still needs help. Mask!

Venom: “Copy!”

[Venom took control of their body and enters into action to aid Ultraman.]

🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️🎃🍭🧁🐻🍰🍬☠️

[After The Fight]

Kenji: [Y/N], are you alright?

Venom![Y/N]: I’m okay. And V’s with me now.

Kenji: That’s good…Don’t risk your life like that, again. I almost lost you.

Venom![Y/N]: I’m still here, alive. Talking and still breathing. Sorry for scaring you, Kenji.

[Kenji hugs [Y/N] gently and released them from his embrace.]

Kenji: It’s alright. I’m sorry this date is a mess.

Venom![Y/N]: No, Kenji. It just happened sudden. I had fun before the attack.

[Then announcements came throughout the park.]

“Attention, park-goers. Due to the recent Kaiju incident, shows for Halloween Horror Nights have to be canceled for the night. However, we are still open to be hosting a big celebration for Halloween! Showtime!”

[Ado - Show]

Venom![Y/N]: Kenji, our date isn’t a complete bust.

Kenji: Then let’s celebrate our victory together.

Venom![Y/N]: Shall we dance? *Holds their hand out*

Kenji: Yeah, we’ll dance. *Takes their hand in his*

[The two celebrated Halloween together and enjoyed each other’s company in the remaining night.]

[Reblogs help creators and creates more content]

[thelemoncoffee]

been thinking about a post game au

the idea with it mostly is just- inverse of the usual saiouma post game, where Kokichi is fine and Shuichi isn't, but also it's not quite that either.

basically thanks to my hcs about Kokichi's blood family and DICE, i can genuinely see Kokichi slowly getting better post game instead of just self destructing into oblivion because they wouldn't let him do that. he absolutly starts off horrible, a shell of the person they once knew, but through their stubborn help and patients with him he gets better and recovers enough for his life to go mostly back to normal.

obviously he still has issues- the big ones being PTSD triggers, and his unwillingness to actually confront and work to heal his trauma from the killing game instead of just burying it and hiding from the rest of the cast- but he'd doing far better than anyone could have anticipated he'd be. his life still isn't perfectly normal, and it won't be till he confronts that trauma, but DICE and his family aren't going to let him keep doing that forever- he may be stubborn but the apple don't fall far from the tree and 13 against one is one hell of a uphill battle

Shuichi however, Shuichi's not looking to hot. the game left him with even more detective work based trauma, and because of this he feels he can't handle continuing to work for his uncle's agency. growing up he only did detective work as his way of making up to his uncle for being a burden, and while Uncle never saw it like that and is more than happy to keep Shuichi around because he love him, Shuichi could never detach himself from that mindset and felt that now he can't do the work he should move out.

Uncle does not want this to happen with Shuichi in such a bad mental state, especially because Shuichi cut off contact with the rest of the cast for a variety of little PTSD related things and thus doesn't have that many people left to lean on in his time of need, but Shuichi made up his mind and moved in with a friend he had before the killing game who he feels like he can make up to for relying on without causing himself immense stress.

the only problem with this friend is they- nor anyone else in their friend group- have the right skill set to actually be a sturdy support system for Shuichi, so he's unable to recover properly and spends alot of his time locked up in their apartment when he isn't doing the job he got to pay rent with. he isn't worse off than he was when he got out of the killing game, but he isn't better either, he's just depressed as fuck and the only thing keeping him from hitting rock bottom is his roommate and small friend group. his uncle is still in contact too, but he's also bad with emotions... he's not getting anywhere either

now imagine if you will for me- these two meeting again by chance at a convenience store or something, Kokichi looking mostly happy and healthy to Shuichi's surprise, and Shuichi looking like he hasn't slept or changed outfits in a month to Kokichi's dismay

[dflogerzi]

I came back this evening to say something. Maybe two things.

I have no idea where I am going with this. But will be going somewhere. It sort of began this morning... I felt so weary reading the latest stories about Catherine. Not from the uplifting ones, but the others in what has become a past month of constant conflicts. Ugh. I am feeling so protective... like please, leave her alone now. She is going to go through a difficult treatment that will tire her, rob her immune system, and the need to follow it closely to heal. She also needs time to spend with three young children, the youngest of which is barely school age.

It is heartbreaking. Now for what else is really bugging me. Through these days I have seen things posted here by friends sharing, that were written by Meghan's followers that have been so unbelievable... I cannot even go there. And go there I never do on my own. I do not care what sugars are writing. They are writing as they do. I just stick to my own sense of integrity and side of the street. My breaking point was however, in learning just this afternoon about the Baroness Bruck account. I had no idea. I do have an account on Twitter that I very seldom go to, but I went over and sure enough... I had followed this person back in the older times.

I unfollowed. But not until after I read a few tweets to be certain. And one especially just took my breath totally away. I find myself feeling very down. The ugly is more than anyone should endure who has done nothing but serve with loyalty, grace, and kindness. I just want Catherine to take the time she needs however long, and I may need a little bit of a break myself.

This is a place I come to visit, sometimes to romp, occasionally to vent. I learn things here, share when I can, and get away for a small measure of time from the other worries of the world. I appreciate each person in this community, even when we differ on the subjects we share in common. It means a lot to me.

Okay. What a mess of a ramble. I am not going anywhere. I understand that I am in this until the end of the story. Whatever that is.

Guess I will publish. Hope I feel better afterwards.

[brucewaynehater101]

The brainrot is hitting hard today…

On the topic of the Drakes, I usually prefer the unconventional but loving parent type (Bruce x the Drakes is my favorite rarepair) but the idea of a de-aged Toddler Tim having no idea what to do when Jason or another Bat does the “ur a baby I’m gonna pick you up” move because his parents stopped picking him up once he started walking is so heartbreakingly wonderful to me.

even with de-aged Tim fics in general, i prefer when he’s a feral raccoon, but just that specific scene is so addicting.

a whole fic exploring the personality of a three-year-old Tim with limited parental context and his dynamics with Jason in particular is mwah.

and then a week later, he’s deaged again but as a 6-year-old and the family has to deal with a brat with too much time on his hands and too little supervision.

3-year-old tim as a victim of neglectful, bordering abusive, parenting

6-year-old tim as a consequence of neglectful, bordering abusive, parenting

also, bonus if 3 y/o Tim just cam saw the graysons fall and only recognizes Dick after Nightwing does something flippy. “Flippy Dick” being his first words since deaging (i think i saw the nickname in a good parents!drakes post ironically)

Yes! I do adore the angst of the Drakes loving Tim, wanting the world for him, and failing. The black and white "Drakes are bad parents" is great for healing and comfort, but the grey area is where I feel a lot of people are with their own parents. The Drakes trying but never being enough is so intoxicating to read. There's usually only bad parents and good parents for the Drakes.

I also love when the Drakes and Bruce share parenting Tim while the kid fights that at every turn. It's hilarious.

For Kid Tim fics, I can't really stand when he's turned into a "so cute but so sad" version. That child is a gremlin. Therefore, I love when authors hint at angst/abuse, but Tim doesn't realize that something is wrong. For him, that's normal. Why would he know the difference?

The nickname "Flippy Dick/Dickie" is cute and I adore a chaotic 6 year old Tim. A lack of supervision for children (who have issues with impulse control due to their brain development) equates to Tim doing whatever the fuck he wants and not respecting authority. He gets to make decisions for himself because that's how it's always been.

On the same note, fics that have Bruce noticing Tim's lack of supervision and then forcing restrictions on Tim freak me out. Yes, a child should not be making such decisions and should not be alone at such ages. However, Tim, in these AUs, has years of experience doing so. Forcing him to follow Bruce's rules without choice disrespects the systems Tim has built up to protect himself. He should have continued autonomy. The goal is to support him. They should allow Tim to slowly integrate himself into the Wayne family as someone ensures he's getting food regularly, has an adult to rely on, and has all his needs met (however Tim chooses to meet them).

If Tim chooses to relinquish his control over every aspect in his life for some help and relief, then absolutely. Despite this, Tim will need to be treated as closer to an equal than a child due to his experiences. He is still a child, but he's been making choices for himself for a while. He should have the respect and autonomy to continue making decisions in regard to his own being.

I guess I got on a rant, lmao. Anyways, de-aging fics that highlight Tim not being able to hide his chaotic nature as well are amazing

[aventurineswife]

HI HI! I hope you are having a good day/night 💞

I wanted to know your opinion on this:

Like, i been seen a lot of people saying that he should go to therapy, or even go to couple therapy with him. But, since everyobody doesn't want to go to therapy, or when they go, they don't feel still right, or even can get worse. I think he would find another way to heal, one that truly makes him feel safe and comfortable.(SORRY I CAN SEE AVEN IN THERAPY FOR THE MOMENT.)

In my experience, i meet a lot of people that feels more comfortable telling problems to family, friends, or find comfort in some hyperfixation, or be on their own worlds. IDK WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS.

We love you Aven's wife. If you can, please, don't dissappear and became dust.

In my opinion, I think it's entirely valid to think that Aventurine wouldn't find traditional therapy appealing, at least not immediately. His character is deeply rooted in self-reliance and distrust, shaped by a lifetime of betrayal and survival through his own cunning. Therapy, which requires vulnerability and trust, might feel like too much of a gamble for someone like him. Instead, his path to healing could align with the following methods:

Aventurine might find solace in close, meaningful relationships with people who slowly earn his trust. Sharing his burdens with someone who understands his complexities—like a friend or a partner—could serve as his version of therapy. These connections might help him confront his trauma without feeling exposed or judged.

Aventurine's love for gambling and strategizing could act as a coping mechanism and, eventually, a tool for healing. For instance, he might channel his need for control and calculation into something constructive, like designing elaborate strategies to help others, which also gives him a sense of purpose.

Aventurine may benefit from moments of isolation where he can process his emotions without external pressures. He might find clarity in journaling, planning, or even something symbolic, like playing solitary games of chance to reflect on his decisions and fears.

Aventurine thrives in situations where he feels in control, so his healing journey could involve taking action to help others or dismantle systems of cruelty. By addressing the larger injustices that mirror his own trauma, he could begin to reconcile with his past.

Aventurine might find joy and comfort in lavishing his partner with gifts, experiences, or acts of service, using his flair to express love and distract himself from his inner struggles. This could be his therapeutic way of coping—showing care outwardly to feel a sense of connection and purpose.

However, if his partner refuses these gestures or encourages him to focus on his own healing, it might force him to confront his avoidance tactics. Over time, this could lead Aventurine to realize that true healing requires addressing his own pain rather than masking it with grand displays.

And that's pretty much it, I hope this explains it well. Remember this is my opinion but I'd love to see others opinions on it too🤗💖

Also, I'll try not to become one bite from the dust 🕴️ and love you guys too!! 🤗🫂💖🥺

[afreakingdork]

Weak Spot - Chapter 62

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

The previous chapter art was removed 4/30/2024, but as of 9/2/2024, Mikey thinks it's pretty cool that we got a new one by @unknownfanartist

Warnings: Aged-up Turtles, Romance, Meet Cute, Villain Donatello, Cussing, Crushes, Xenophobia, Fear, Intimidation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Love, AFAB Reader, Vaginal Sex, Sex Rough, Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Teasing, Scent Kink, Sexual Tension, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Marathon Sex, Somnophilia, Bondage, Feral Behavior, Feral Donatello, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Public Sex, Dom Donnie, Human/Turtle Relationships, Turtle Noises, Roleplay, Sexual Roleplay

Synopsis:  A love story of villainous proportions! Though it hadn’t come easily, as these things rarely do, you found yourself in a whirlwind romance with a handsome and mysterious mutant. His idiosyncrasies had been easy to ignore as attraction grew into something more. However, will love endure when the unknowns about him end up being far darker than you ever considered?

Fem!Reader References/Warnings Below Cut

Also available on Ao3

First 💜 Previous

Fem!Reader References/Warnings: cast removal, crutches, muscle weakness, general injury recovery

Getting your cast off should have made you happy.

It should have come with a sense of relief. The thing had yellowed with age and stunk to high heaven, but you were numb as the many little saws buzzed around you. You only watched listlessly as bits of fiberglass shattered and nicked the doctor’s mask. You should have some anxiety, you thought. You should be worried that their hand might not be as steady as you’d hoped and they might dip and slice your skin.

You felt nothing.

You only stared on as you were helped out and you saw your legs for the first time.

Pruned from trapped moisture, somehow flaking, and a sickly color, they did not look like your own.

Words pelted you next and you heard them vaguely.

There was a new schedule.

New aftercare.

More healing.

You would never be done healing.

Your body would always be different.

These legs were not your own.

You couldn’t stand without an aid.

Donnie was everything.

After the incident with Leo, he went above and beyond where he’d already stepped up. He cut the others out of the support system. They were still there, the backup they needed to be for him, but Donnie decided in seeing your tears that he was the only one made to aid you. He moved around attentively, pampering you and getting everything you needed. He shifted his focus away from himself and helped however he could with your physical therapy.

You hadn’t told him what happened to Leo.

A piece of you had been extinguished in the exchange, not that you completely understood why.

Something was fundamentally wrong with the picture and the only element out of place was you.

Leo was right, you’d come in and changed something about their dynamic. You had tentatively seen it as good, but in practice you weren’t as sure anymore. You’d been reassured from countless sources, but it all seemed for not after being told point blank that you had upset the status quo and nothing could be put back. You had two happy years with the man you loved, but there was irreparable damage. 

It manifested in your mate in a very real way.

He could no longer act.

The feelings he once pushed away as unnecessary were now a threat to him and everyone around.

You’d robbed him of his joy.

The one he’d found after such an agonizing journey.

You hated it.

You hated every moment he came near.

You hated every little look he gave you, checking in to see if it had been the right one.

You hated how every time, he’d smother even that reaction.

He was a shell. 

He was unsure. 

You were the same.

Then, there was Leo.

After the incident, he had taken a five day sabbatical where on rotation you learned from both Raph and Mikey that he only left the gym when it wasn’t open. He worked himself out until his body gave out and the tiny owner had called Raph away on day three to pick up the passed out husk of his brother. They had their own med bay you learned. Leo slept the last two days and drained multiple IV bags.

When he returned, he was a shadow of his former self.

There were no words left to barb and he parted no attention. Lucinda even greeted him and he only looked away. She’d wanted to ask, you saw it in her eyes, but you held the same empty look.

She’d said nothing and for the last week and a half in your cast, the apartment was trapped in haunting silence.

“It’ll be a wheelchair ride to the car.” A nurse told you.

You only nodded.

Donnie was beside you and you leaned against him.

Despite everything, he was still a comfort.

His hand settled on your shoulder and eventually your chariot approached.

Both in the form of Donnie’s car and a mobilized chair, you stared at your legs all the way.

They moved around you as you were helped into the car.

They sat uselessly in front of you.

You didn’t dare touch them in the ride over.

Crutches took your attention and you headed for the elevator.

You could hear Donnie thinking about getting another apartment.

Stairs got in the way. 

Raph was somewhere.

You vaguely saw him already on your floor when you exited the metal box.

A coordinated clinking took you to your door.

You entered and made it far enough to the partition between the living and bedroom before you stopped.

Donnie and Raph spoke something paltry to each other.

You needed to wash up.

You still stank.

You assumed that’s why the other two had kept their distance.

Raph exceeded the elevator weight limit.

You knew that.

You didn’t care about facts.

Donnie appeared in what you figured was a creep.

You only passed him a glance before finally heading towards the bathroom.

He wandered after.

Had you snapped at him?

You could barely recall.

You thought you should have.

He was around too much, wasn’t he?

He was always there.

He was your blight like the other turtles were to him.

A hovering avatar of your failings.

You felt a few tears loose down your cheeks.

You didn’t think that.

You were free of your cast.

You should have been happy.

Not bitter.

You quaked to a halt just in the bathroom’s entrance.

Donnie was behind you.

“Stay with me…?” You begged him through a sob.

He said nothing and only appeared nodding in your vision.

A bath.

You were supposed to take a bath.

You needed to ease into these legs.

Muscle loss.

Breakdown.

Physical therapy.

Endless.

A spray turned on and you collapsed onto the seat of the toilet, letting your crutches go. Donnie caught them and shut the door properly before kneeling down in front of you. Words would need to be spared now, you thought, but you could only stare at him with what you could feel were soulless eyes.

He took them in with a glance that might have broken into sadness if this were any other world. In your current reality, his own shifted to a similar empty state as that was what was required. As the water warmed up, you were stripped. Not speaking made it more difficult, but you relied on your memory of how to move together.

The movement of Donnie’s beak said a lot.

Now in an especially enclosed space he was trapped with your wretched scent. You smelled it too, but you’d been locked into it for so long it lingered like the rot of your soul. The sink and wash cloths had only ever done so much.

You wanted to be boiled.

You wanted to scrub until there was nothing left.

You’d swirl and go straight down the drain and out of sight.

Your ass hit the cold porcelain and for the first time in over two months you felt something other than musty gauze there. It knocked you out of your stupor where Donnie was stripping without pretense. You didn’t watch him and instead reached through the curtain to touch the stream. It was sufficiently hot and you made a grab for the sink to pull yourself up. Donnie caught your wrist before you could and you sent the barest form of ire up at him.

He took it with the faintest crack of affection in his gaze.

It was something and your heart clenched.

How long had it been since he let something leak?

Not long, you knew.

A week or so at most.

You’d been downplaying them.

Each time he tried a little harder you’d lumped it into an anomaly pile.

You were in a constant state of twisting what you saw to your own view.

You were the numb one and Donnie was curtailing himself to you. 

There was more there, in the way Donnie led you to the curtain. He had your weight, but at the same time you had full control. He was there if you fell, but otherwise you were the dancer that instructed. He, your studious partner, waited as you pulled back the shower curtain and he hopped you up the little step. The warm water splashed your toes and you yearned to bury into the spray. A stepwise process still necessary, you waited for Donnie to follow behind and close the curtain before you moved.

Showers washed away so much. 

You felt not just the grime slipping away, but the sludge attached to your soul. It schlepped off in layers and you watched it metaphorically spin out and disappear down the hole that you thought you might too. Looking now, it was too small and nowhere near enough to encapsulate you. You felt your partner’s grip switch. 

With one hand firm on your waist, the other ghosted over your arm. A move he’d done dozens of times, it was both your ways of recuperating with your partner. He drew strength from you in swipes and soon the lopsided display rotated you like a boat with one oar. Turned to face him with the spray at your back, you thought this was a sign. You started with flat hands over his wet plastron. A smooth glide, you withheld your features as you drifted up to his shoulders. You found him there, watching you with metered affection that you spied as more cracks. Wary of them, you had enough wherewithal to send him a worried look which he took in kind as a palm cascaded down to your hip.

His veneer split. Stroking along his shoulder blades, you grabbed the bulb of his shoulder just in time for a gooey expression to form on his face. Tinged with longing, it swirled as he opened up and you saw a gleam in his pupil. All looks reserved for his precious mate, you leaned into him though you couldn’t safely arch your back. It meant mostly a tip of your body without joints, but it still drew you closer to him.

“I love you.” He spoke without holding back.

Your entire being squeezed.

“I love you so much.” He cast the spell anew and brushed dripping water from your chin.

“Donnie…” You murmured and wanted to wrap him up.

You had the leverage, but there were so many threats. One slip would spell more injuries, but you wanted to launch yourself at him. You wanted to drape around him and tell him you alone could keep his ninpo from spawning. A theory already proven to be ineffective, you didn’t care. You would try harder. You had further mobility now and your mate needed you. You decided you could find a way; you could always find a way.

“Y/N.” He nosed over your shoulder as he reached behind you.

Washing, you were supposed to be washing up, but you could only choke on a sob. “I missed you so much.”

When he reappeared as a gelatinized version of himself, you could still see the upturned corners of his lips. “Tell me?”

You heard a cap pop and could mentally see him applying soap to a loofa in a silky drove. “Tell you what?”

“How much…?” He stalled with a press of suds to your shoulder and a wet look.

You knew his suffering was equal to yours, only different.

In that moment, in its current presentation, it seemed new.

He looked youthful and lonely.

He looked as though he’d been punished unjustly.

He was sat in a corner for a crime he didn’t commit. 

He needed care.

He needed reassurance.

You drifted up his neck and to his jaw. “I miss you constantly. I’ve been miserable. You’re right there, but you’re not. I get pieces of you and that’s never going to be enough. Not when I’ve had the whole thing…”

“Whole thing…” He scolded and his lips warbled as he tried to divert attention into scrubbing your back. “Watching you deepen into your withdrawal has been…”

You shuffled a little closer to him and he slid his steadying hand more securely around you.

“It’s torture.” He rotated you out of the spray so he could reach more of you. “You need so much more of me than I can offer. I attend to all your physicalities, but the emotional aspect…!” He choked and shifted away to wash your arms. “To know that I no longer have the facilities to be a proper partner…”

“You’re wrong.” You pulled his chin so he was forced to look at you. “You’ve done so much. Do you know how many people can’t step up when their significant other gets sick? Truly sick, truly injured!”

He scoffed. “I would attend to you for multiple lifetimes.”

You helped move his hand so he could wash your chest. “Not even want, I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

Donnie slowed as if that was a revelation and looked at you with tempered hope.

“Silly.” You moved to wipe his eyes and he delicately closed his lids so you could brush over them. “You know that.”

“Time and time again my warning that grievous harm will come to you as long as you stay by my side comes to fruition, you should not-”

You pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him.

He searched you in an attempt to break your resolve.

You brushed your digit side by side until he pressed a slight kiss into it. “Do you think what happened is actually your fault?”

You moved your finger away and he spoke immediately. “No.”

“Not that you allowed us to get drugged and taken?” You squeezed the words for what they were worth to translate your own feelings on the matter.

“I had every precaution in place, but there are gaps that cannot be accounted for-”

“Do you blame yourself for that?”

His pupils slowed and he dove into yours to scrounge up every bit of your meaning. “No…”

“Do you know how much growth that is?” You couldn’t help but smile.

He sneered lightly, but there was an obvious raise to his spirits.

You hugged into him and felt the little bubbles of soap pop between you.

He stood still as if to immortalize your affection before he moved to return it. “Do you hear yourself? You are celebrating that I am not performing self-flagellation over nearly losing you.”

“You see it too though, don’t you?” You turned your head and rested it against his plastron.

He squeezed you tighter instead of responding.

“I’m still here.”

“Don’t go.” He forced out.

“I’m right here.” You pulled away to look at him.

He came right down and his arm dipped, holding you upright around your thighs. “Y/N, please, there cannot be a repeat of this.”

“There won’t.”

“We’ll never go to the Hidden City again.”

“We won’t.”

“You’ll stay.”

“Donnie.”

“Stay with me.” You saw obvious tears prick the corner of his eyes. “Please, please, please… Don’t… Don’t ever…!”

“I won’t go.” It took a little too much movement, but you finally slotted your arms around his head. “You’re stuck with me.”

He tried to squeeze in another ‘please,’ but he interrupted himself as he kissed you.

You returned it, but felt the distinct lack of heat.

It was a reassurance and you poured all of yourself into it.

He broke it out of a smile that burst forth between you.

“L-let’s…”

You pecked across him as an encouragement.

“Get you cleaned up.” He decided and swallowed thickly.

You moved away as much as his hold allowed and he was methodically washing you. Running between foam and rinses, you had enough strength to scrub his plastron, but anything further that required a bend proved to be too difficult. He cared little and openly ate up the attention. You leaned into it, feeling slight guilt over denying him more, but you reminded yourself that this was unavoidable on both your parts. Donnie had to keep his emotions in check and you had to recover which was annoyingly no alive person’s fault.

Finishing your proper shower under Donnie’s steady grip, you then languished in letting the spray run directly over your face when you felt your boyfriend nose your mating mark playfully. You turned slightly, moving out of the shower’s line and he followed with pressed kisses there.

 “Donnie…?” As far as you knew, this was part of the unspoken territory that couldn’t be crossed.

“Won’t break skin. No more injuries of any kind.” He let the water rinse the spot before mouthing over. “Still… Want to renew so badly.”

“Please…” You folded an arm around you to reach him.

He slid his fingers into yours with his free hand and the other supporting you shifted so he could give one of your butt cheeks a quick squeeze.

“Donnie!”

“Part of you kept from me.” He gave a testy little growl.

You leaned away in a turn to kiss him.

He ignored you and instead put on a show of opening up his mouth. His teeth gleamed a ferocious row and he angled them with a panting desire to sink them into your shoulder.

“Please…” You repeated much quieter.

“You’re mine.” A heat lingered against him and he lost sharp will as his maw came down.

His sharpened canines pricked the most, but he bit without breaking skin. “All yours.”

His hold shifted to wrap around your belly and he metered different pressures.

While there was a certain sexual edge to the move, it spoke more of a hunger.

Of things he’d been denied.

Things he couldn’t have.

All that he wanted.

He wrapped it in a nibble as his starvation would go on.

He could only have a taste and he released with a few little licks over the reddened skin.

“I love you.” You told him.

“I love you.” He nuzzled into the side of your head and reached past you to shut the water off.

Before the cold could set in, you were hoisted up just like you were and protested with little bubbles of laughter as he swung you up and out of the tub. Landing on a soft mat, he pulled down a towel to wrap you up in and you were soon sat on the toilet again. Both to be dried and while he toweled himself off, he eventually came around with several bottles.

From getting your cast off you were told to moisturize heavily and Donnie started with a cream for that. Knelt in front of your legs like your knight, you saw he took pleasure in rubbing the lotion into your skin. Taking particular care both for its purpose and because your legs had been locked away for so long, your stems soon took on a shine both from the cream and from the worked up blood flow.

You twisted your toes through the shaking weakness from having been upright for so long, but for the first time since the cast removal, your lower body felt like your own.

Donnie procured another bottle, a new formulation of his muscle cream and added that on next. He’d concocted a slew of new products with computer screens alone and sent them off to be formulated and tested. All done with rush orders, you were soon inundated with all sorts of medicinal ointments. From salves to heal scars to potent oils that stimulated cell regeneration, you noticed there was some labeling that had Old Lady Nagami’s flare, but you didn’t bring attention to it.

You had mostly applied them yourself, but now you wished you’d deferred to Donnie. This could have been stolen moments of intimacy you both craved all along and you berated yourself for not allowing him that much. You only felt you’d taken enough so any little thing you could do yourself felt like a load off of him. He’d also stepped aside whenever possible to not subvert your independence. You adored him and as he finished up with a smile saying he had a job well done, he turned that up to you and all of that must have been plastered on your face.

From his knees he rose up to kiss you reassurances.

You lingered in them before mumbling against his lips. “Let me.”

“What? Anything.” He nosed you slightly.

You giggled at how quickly he complied. “You must be sore too.”

He came away with a furrowed brow ridge.

“Switch with me in your lap.”

He gave the idea a once over before a quick nod and lifted you right up. He then dutifully switched, sitting on the toilet lid and dropping you onto his thighs where he then fetched his cream from a drawer. He passed it over and you scooped a good handful out before pulling one of his arms close to work it into his aged scars.

Within a few strokes he immediately wilted around you like a drapery. You staved off laughing by chewing your lip and the faintest little churr cropped up that startled both of you.

Having both shot away, you shared a surprise stare before you were both tentatively slow moving back into place for fear you wouldn’t be able to replicate it. Taking much longer than the first as awareness was difficult to offset, the tiny vibration eventually picked up as you trended down to his forearms. Music to your ears, you languished in it and rubbed his wrist even though the cream was soaked into his muscles.

He was the one who grew tired of the imbalance and eventually broke to turn you around to reach his other arm. You cuddled close to him, repeating the process and eventually the churr he met you with was one you considered his norm. Overjoyed with his comfort, you felt lulled and your rub lost cohesion as he slid down to his hands.

“Sleep…” He managed around the rumble.

“You too?” You teased lightly.

“Who’s on duty…?”

You had to think about it. “Raph.”

“Yes.” It almost sounded like a cheer and he nuzzled into your neck.

“Why’s it okay with him?” Though you knew Raph distanced himself as best he could, he and Donnie interacted so little that you weren’t sure what their dynamic was like, even with all the weeks of him being around.

“He hesitates.” Donnie reluctantly lifted his head. “Avoids. If I had to take my pick…”

You nodded, not wanting to push the subject when you were both so comfortable.

Lifted back on jittery legs, your towel was adjusted and the door opened with a shift in humidity. Chilled by it, Donnie quickly wiped your crutches down and passed them off before you thunked over to get some pajamas in a perilous game of not letting your covers fall in the process.

“Raphael.” Donnie peered around the partition.

“I didn’t hear nothing!” Raph called from somewhere distant.

Grabbing comfy clothes, you thought you could place him squished right by the door. Of the three, he was the one that seemed the most out of place in your apartment. He tried to minimize himself as best he could and you often had to tell him to sit on the couch even though he long should have known it was available to him.

“Guilt over nothing.” Donnie let a certain disdain fill his voice. “Y/N is going to nap.”

There was a beat of silence as Raph parsed the meaning there. “Understood.”

“And sit down.” Donnie gave an annoyed command and then followed after where you waved a pair of sweats for him.

He took them with a kiss to your cheek and you could tell he was just fatigued enough to not put on his emotional block.

You sat on the bed to get dressed and once you were clad you fell back into the covers letting the many balms on your body swallow you up until Donnie’s voice broke through. “Get under.”

“Throw a blanket on top of me.” You groaned, not wanting to move.

He clicked his tongue, scolding, at you before hoisting you up to pull you under the blankets with him.

You wiggled as much as you could on weary hips to get close.

He tucked you both in and you watched each other until lids grew heavy enough to fall.

-

You weren’t totally sure, but it seemed like Donnie was trying to meditate. It was never particularly obvious, but he would clearly drift when his attention wasn’t on you. Different from his usual trains of thought, it left his features empty in a way that you thought illustrated his thoughts. When he was on the path of mental conquest, that fortitude showed up with a furrowed brow and narrowed gaze. Now, however, you often found him with loose features and a slightly unfocused gaze.

You’d meant to ask, but the first time you roused him from the state, he’d surfaced with a knife-sharp gaze that said it was not to be discussed in company.

Such company was thankfully Mikey at the time who hadn’t even noticed anything was off.

You imagined that was probably why Donnie chanced it. You were left to mull things over which meant you ran various simulations the best you could. It helped you place a few things in perspective since it wasn’t something up for debate. The first of which regarded the level of vulnerability. Donnie never chanced the lowered guard that came with meditating around Leo. He also rarely breached his emotional moat which made you think this had to do with his ninpo. All of which made sense when you thought of Raph.

The eldest had told you point blank that he honed in on ninpo frequencies by meditating and you had filled Donnie in on everything that had happened on your last unwilling trip to the lair. You might have been surprised your genius hadn’t thought of it sooner, but you imagined it had a lot to do with you. Meditation took time, as far as you understood, and a certain level of calm that you bet Donnie wasn’t capable of considering the circumstances you were both currently stuck with.

From your healing to the brothers constant vigil, Donnie had to hold tight to his sanity by any means. Now that the entire set of turtles had settled into this new sort of treaty they were forced into and you were out of your cast and nearing the end of your obvious healing, that meant Donnie could practice more sensitive exercises to get his ninpo under control. He didn’t chance it often, but you had seen him trying to drift in every way except for folding his legs up and assuming a Siddhasana.

The logistics were something you were ruminating when Leo stood up from where he was pretending not to monitor your sitting leg exercises.

The tenuous relationship between the two of you had stretched on, but in the last few weeks you could at least manage being in the same room together.

Donnie hovered closer regardless and it pained you that you still hadn’t been able to tell your boyfriend what had transpired.

Glancing first at Leo and then at a clock, it was two minutes until the hour which meant it was time for a change over. Leo passed Donnie a single nod to translate this before stepping away to make space for a portal behind the couch. The schedule dictated Mikey was next, so Leo sliced through and you expected the orange brother to pop out with his usual buoyant energy.

Instead Leo walked out only for Mikey to emerge with an angry figure that stomped all the way around to you.

With his hands folded on his hips, he held a height over you and a face that begged you to ask.

“You… okay?” You set your weight down and tried not to laugh at how silly he was being.

“No!” Mikey took his opening and was only careful in dropping down into the couch beside you so as not to jostle you. “I’m mad!”

“I can see that.” Your smile was only dimmed by a minor wince as you pulled your legs up onto the couch so you could turn to him. “Want to rant?”

“Finally! Yes!” Mikey threw his limbs out before he turned toward you to tuck into the details. “So I’m trying to do my daily meditation, right?”

You blinked to attention.

That was almost too apropos.

It was clear it struck your partner similarly as Donnie was still nearby and had lifted his head where he was once casually looking through something on his phone.

“What?” Mikey noticed your distraction with a crouch of his brow ridge. “Don’t tell me I don’t look like I meditate because that stereotype’s been beaten to death!”

“No, no… I was…” You waffled and tried not to look around the room. “Meditation helps… healing. You caught me off guard because I was thinking about it, but wasn’t sure if that was real or not.”

All of Mikey’s suspicions evaporated. “Oh-me-gosh! Yes! I’m not going to lie to you, there’s a bunch of misconceptions and finding actual thought out studies is both impossible and annoying, but there is good evidence for it, I swear!”

“Thought out… studies…?” You mouthed, feeling a sense of déjà vu.

“Yes! You can prove anything with a survey as long as you control who you ask! I immediately dump a study if I can’t find out-” He held up both hands ready to count. “-who ran it, what’s the goal, the poll, how many people were involved, and a breakdown of the demographics!”

You pressed your lip to a thin line and did everything in your power not to look at Donnie.

“Trust me, it’s a whole thing.” Mikey dropped his hands and shook his head.

“I guess… I didn’t realize you’d be so thorough.” You admitted, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Yeah, well…” Mikey shrugged. “I’m on my own healing journey. You’re on yours and I’ve been long trying to stop pushing my beliefs on others if I can help it, but I am here if you have any questions.”

“Yeah… Maybe, but you were mad about something, weren’t you?”

“Yes!” Mikey threw his head up as if he could spout fire. “No matter what I did there was something! First, there was a gnat that kept trying to go up my nose, then Raph had this fuzzy thing stuck to his shell, but he was being such a pain about holding still because it tickled, then Dad thought, I don’t know, freaking 3pm smoothies during the same time I always meditate is a thing now!”

You watched Mikey’s rant fondly.

“Like that’s when his show is! He hasn’t drinken a smoothie in months and I’m supposed to believe that’s not a personal attack!?” Mikey looked at you as if you could sympathize.

Your life had been pretty planned out as of late and you didn’t.

“Doesn’t matter.” Mikey sighed deeply. “I never got to and now we’re here. What are you doing there?”

“Strengthening the legs.” You glanced down to the weights on the ground.

“I know a version of those bad boys all too well. They’re so small.” He nodded with a weight of knowledge.

“Yeah…” There were so many things you hadn’t been able to discuss and it seemed silly you’d never tried. “Leo said you did physical therapy?”

“Still do.” Mikey stretched out his arms for you to see. “Though they call it occupational therapy after a certain point. Don’t know the difference, but it feels pretty much the same.”

He did nothing to cover the golden cracks that split his skin and you chanced following a fissure with a finger.

Along the line there was no texture to it, almost as if the glow was an illusion.

“It’s mystic scarring.” Mikey explained. 

“Ah…” He’d offered so you thought you shouldn’t feel bad, but part of you wanted to apologize.

“Got it saving Leo.” He thought for a moment. “Not Donatello related.” He looked over his shoulder at Donnie. “No offense.”

Donnie barely bobbed with a shrug. “I’ll take only my appropriate credit.”

Mikey rolled his eyes back to you. “Almost got ripped to stardust, but Raph helped stabilize me. He’s got some scars too, but he never shows ‘em. I think he thinks I’ll think…” He had to stop and go over what he’d said and punctuated counting with wags of his fingers. “He doesn’t want me to feel guilty!”

You nodded lightly.

“Everyone lived.” Mikey nodded. “That’s what was important. Then it was all healing, kinda like you, but it’s always a thing which is its own thing and then the other injuries…” This time Mikey pointedly looked at Donnie. “Full offense.”

Donnie gave a malicious sweeping bow with an arm.

Mikey sneered his cut lip before returning to you. “So my healing’s always ongoing.”

You tapped your leg.

“Ask.” He urged you with a knowing cock of his brow ridge.

“What?” You hadn’t thought of anything in particular.

“You were on the receiving end. Someone-!” Mikey didn’t look this time, but it was obvious he was again directing his attention toward Donnie. “-is in a less hateful mood so I think we’re safe to touch on more sensitive stuff: don’t you want to ask about the healing spell?”

You watched him before the nebulous thoughts converged for you. “Why… haven’t you healed yourself?”

Mikey gave a single sharp nod that said that was what he was looking for before he sank back into the couch. “I’m not schooled like Lee. He’s got human medical training where mine is mystic, but let’s say that was schooling and I got heavy into self teaching after having my face split open.”

You saw Donnie move slightly out of the corner of your eye, but this time Mikey let him be.

“It’s called Anosmia: the whole no taste, no smell thing. The attack severed not only my brain nerves attached to the old nose bulb, but also different nerves in my brain for other stuff. I’m not big on getting into it because it’s all kind of boring.” He flapped a dismissive hand. “Leo mentioned he explained the healing I did to you?”

You gave a single nod, not wanting to interrupt.

Mikey passed you an appreciative smile for it. “The smaller the parts, the harder they are to connect and you can imagine how small neurons are. That meant trying to reconnect the brain bits was not only the toughest, but also had the highest chance of something going wrong. You miss a connection or hook up the wrong parts? You might not be able to wiggle your toes ever again or forget you even had them to begin with!” He grew quiet and narrowed his gaze. “Thing is, I’d already been there, done that with the whole life changing injury so when I had to do it a second time around…”

You waited.

“I knew more.” Mikey tipped with an anticlimactic lean to his body. “I knew there was a lot that medicine or mysticism couldn’t obviously do and I’d already gone down the rabbit hole of self improvement. If it exists, I’ve tried it. If it can help, you can bet I’m into it. I’ve got opinions on everything!”

You always admired how steadfast Mikey was, even if it came as a detriment to him and those around.

Mikey leaned in even though you knew it wouldn’t offset Donnie’s hearing. “Wanna know my goal?”

“Of course.”

“I think I can fix it.” He bobbed his brow ridge before tossing himself back into the couch.

“Fix…?”

“Regain my sense of smell and taste.” Mikey gestured lazily to his face.

“Is that… possible?”

Mikey smiled out to the living room. “Weirder things have happened and you can train neurons. Everyone else in my family has written it off, but I don’t know… I’ll keep trying. I’ll take the health nut whacko label and own it and one day I’ll be able to smell freshly baked cookies again.”

He was so staunch you believed he could do it and shared that with a smile.

Mikey returned it. “Wanna meditate? It’s pretty quiet here. You can see how it makes you feel and I can give you tips if you wanna keep going.”

That was almost too easy.

For a moment, you felt like Mikey did know about Donnie.

He’d noticed and all this was a farce.

Except, Mikey was still looking at you with nothing but patient eyes.

You also felt as though those eyes held a nefarious purpose.

“Yeah…” He spoke a little too knowingly.

You bristled ever so slightly.

“It’s boring so I get if not. I kinda just wanted to get my dang session in though!” He chuckled with obvious guilt. “Plus it’ll help me with being bugged out and all.”

He had the terrible power of disarming those around him too quickly. “You seem alright now.”

“I’m chill, but that doesn’t mean I’m cool, you know?”

You stared for a moment. “I really don’t.”

“Huh…” His pupils darted as he thought back over what he said. “Yeah, I have no idea what I meant.”

You shook your head.

Between the similarities to S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. to this evil edge every single turtle man had, your perception of all of them was always warped and compared to Donnie.

“Fuck it.” You came away needing very much to stop judging this lot and treat them like the new individuals they really were to you. “Let’s meditate.”

“Yeah!” Mikey held out a high five that you took.

You wiggled in preparation of sitting cross legged.

“No, no, no.” Mikey laughed and held out a hand to stop you. “None of that… Or I mean, unless you want to.”

“I don’t think I can…” You admitted.

“Right, beginner…” He obviously put himself into a new mindset as if swapping clothes. “Okay, here’s the deal: forget everything you know about meditation. There’s no talking; I’m not into guided meditation because the voices get so annoying when I’m trying to chill. There’s no real pose to get into it; just vibe however you want. It’s boring; it’s so freaking boring. When I started, way, way back when dad taught us as kids, I felt like I would explode. Meditation and ADHD are a nightmare combo, but I’ve learned to make it work, but what works for me isn’t necessarily going to work for you, make sense?”

You took a moment to sift through everything he’d said. “Not… really…?”

“Yeah…” Mikey had a look that said he agreed.

You gave him a more abysmal stare.

“Never was good at explaining!!” Mikey tittered before he thought hard. “I guess what I’m trying to say is: use this first session to just… relax.”

You watched as he looked at you with mirth.

“Your biggest goal is to not fall asleep at first, but basically don’t punish yourself. This is all about calming down and getting in touch with your body. For me, my mind always wanders so I have to focus. I do a whole thing where I check in with myself. I start with the top of my head and “feel” down each part of my body slowly to help keep myself focused. You might think of things you need to do or… anything, and that’s fine, but it can stress some people out. You mostly just want to be… okay with being with yourself. The calm comes with that.”

Again taking a moment to think, this time you were slow to nod your head. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” He perked up a bit.

“How do you sit?”

“Up!” Mikey shifted until his posture was straight and he relaxed. “I also do eyes closed, but some people start eyes open and then drift close.”

“There’s no wrong way I’m hearing.” You jeered lightly, getting into a similar position as him.

He started to close his eyes, but craned one open to watch you. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

You giggled.

“I’ll count us down and then just… float.”

You settled and took a deep breath before a thought caught you. “Do you ever…float away? For real?”

“Yes.” In his profile you saw his grin split his face. “I’ve come to many times having left the ground.”

“ Sounds like enlightenment.” You pretended to be in awe.

A laugh caught him and he had to sigh back into position. “Not a chance. I also sometimes wake up from just sleeping flying which is such a pain.”

You wanted to ask more about that, but you resigned yourself to the exercise.

“Alright.” Mikey’s voice took on a calm. “There’s no time limit so just whenever you’re feeling over it, we can stop. I think like ten to fifteen is good, but hey, do you.” He inhaled long and slow. “Return to yourself.”

You unconsciously breathed in time.

“And be.” He exhaled slowly and you followed suit.

For a moment, you waited for something to happen even though you knew nothing would.

Then something about having to sit in silence struck you. You wondered if there was space for music or if the guided meditation was something you’d prefer. Currently, you felt like you were in a sort of limbo and wished he had started a timer.

Then you thought about what Mikey did.

Starting from the top of your head, you focused all your energy there and something about it reminded you of Donnie’s battle shell. Finding purpose in that idea, you slid down your head, shifting through your brows and eyes and thought of the shell’s arms gently tapping each zone. The metallic arms whirled in your ears as a memory and you let them drift along your lobes and through to your neck. There the pair split apart and cascaded down each shoulder.

One gave a little extra squeeze to where the tissue had healed on your left side. It was slightly numb to the touch, but always felt dense when you tried to lift the limb. Now, instead, the arms locked around your arms and gently rolled their grip down. Testing your flesh in little squeezes, it got to your fingertips and switched to your legs.

Those appendages were ones that you had been in a steady process of getting back under your control. It translated to your imaginary mech caressing you gently in a way that reminded you of Donnie’s massages. You were on a nightly rotation of receiving them and if you could manage, you returned the favor. It was exactly the little buoyancy you had thought the two of you needed and could easily be done in the privacy of the bathroom with only the faintest judgment from whatever turtle on duty.

Donnie.

Reaching your toes, you realized you’d forgotten about him.

Having momentarily gotten lost in your imagination, you cracked your eyes to find your vision blurry.

Something like coming out of sleep, you felt subdued and lingered in focus returning.

It came like a gentle current and with it you remembered that part of you had meant to use this time to siphon information so Donnie could get help in his meditation. If that were what he was doing, you also realized that he could just listen along meaning you had already done your part. Blinking off the last vestiges of peace, you turned your head slowly to first glimpse Mikey’s calm face. The picture of zen, you no longer saw the flecks of irritation that were now obviously gone from the man’s expression. Happy he’d gotten his, you looked past him and felt awe wash over you as you saw Donnie over by his computer.

Standing, but just seated on the edge of his computer desk, Donnie’s eyes were closed. His posture was closed off, but there was an air to him that was accentuated by the sleepy monitor glow behind him. With his arms folded in a loose hold, the tip of his body said one of his legs was kicked over the other which made him reclined. There were then his features, a similar slack to how you’d been catching them except there was a honed edge to it. Nothing that wrinkled the muscles in his face, you instead watched his pupils dart under his closed lids as if he was watching something get typed out. Staring in order to catch the exact movement, you found it wasn’t a side to side, but instead an indistinct roll as if many parts were being put in place.

Building.

You weren’t sure why, but you had the distinct thought that he was building something in there.

One little piece at a time, you imagined he’d taken care in laying out even the smallest screw before beginning the construction process.

This could work.

Another patently intrusive thought, you were sure that if Donnie kept this up then he’d find some relief from his ninpo.

You were flooded with pride.

Almost as soothing as the meditation itself, you took another dreamy stance, but this time in watching your partner. Curling up against the back of the sofa, you stared as he continued to run through his schematics. They detailed out like your feelings for him and all you could think of was how lucky you were to have him in your life. No matter how much strife it had come with, every moment with him was a precious one and it was in that headspace that Mikey came to.

His tongue darted in a roll of his jaw as if he too had awoken from a nap. Sucking saliva and rinsing with a swallow, Mikey stayed mostly silent as he adjusted his vision for your apartment. He looked straight in front of him, remembering where he was before he took great care in sneaking a look at you, an obvious case of not wanting to disturb you if you were still meditating.

He found you awake, but you held a finger to your lips.

The wrinkling of his gaze said he knew exactly what you were referring to and you pursed your lips with accusation.

He fluttered his lashes, similarly tucking his cheek against the couch while facing your direction.

You narrowed your gaze to translate your displeasure.

Mikey looked up roguishly before shooting you a wink.

You gave him one last sneer before you exhaled sharply to say you accepted that he was being sneaky since it helped Donnie.

Donnie’s prosthetic hit the floor a little heavy as he seemed jarred out of his meditation.

“So…?” Mikey led for you, even though there was a double entendre for your boyfriend.

“It was… interesting…” You spoke honestly. “I’m not sure I’d do it all the time, but I can see the use.”

“What’d you do?” Mikey wondered.

You thought of the best way to phrase it. “Thought about moving something with my mind.”

“Oh!” Mikey crooned. “That’s a cool way to start!”

“Well!” You pretended to take praise. “How was your body?”

“I’m all here.” He grinned brightly. “I did have a revelation!”

“I thought you weren’t going to reach enlightenment.” You teased, still curious.

Mikey held an impish hand to his chest before dropping it and the act. “I want to cook.”

You snorted. “Is that new?”

“Kinda…” He took on some level of nerves. “A potluck for one.”

“Huh?”

“I want to celebrate you.”

You stared at him. “What?”

Mikey smiled, his cheek squished against the couch. “No rotation. All of us at once. We break bread to say ‘you made it.’”

Your eyes widened.

He wanted to throw what was essentially a family meal, but fold you and Donnie in.

He wanted an excuse.

“Next week is three months since the day you were taken in.”

Had it been that long already?

“There’s been huge progress all around.” Mikey was getting a little too close to naming Donnie.

You had a complaint on your lips.

In fact, you had thousands of them.

Of all the ways this could go badly.

Then you saw breakfast.

You saw four uncomfortable men under one roof.

And you.

Unintentionally.

And yet again.

You’d brought them together.

Wasn’t that what you were trying to avoid?

It all came back to Leo. 

Was he the only one?

You weren’t sure. 

“We’ve all been busting our butts, you most of all. I think we all could use a meal that’s way too big that says we’re moving to the next step.”

“Which is…?”

“Us heading back out.” Mikey’s crow’s feet looked particularly joyous. “We keep going.”

Your new normal.

“I’m thinking I’ll whip up a bunch of stuff, cook and finish some here. The place will smell so good.”

That did sound nice.

Your gaze lowered and you tried to picture all four together.

It had been so long and everything so tenuous it was hard to imagine.

You mostly saw Leo.

Distant Leo, doing his best to not fall apart again.

Your chest tightened.

Mikey lightly touched your leg. “No pressure.”

“That’s not…” You sent him a half sure grin before you looked at Donnie.

You weren’t going to sway him this time.

This decision was his alone.

You translated this to your partner where he seemed to be waiting.

He took you in with a tilted chin that had many reservations.

You softened your gaze saying you knew them all too well.

He looked one step away from chuffing before his body loosened with a relaxation you also felt.

The meditation had worked.

Donnie gave a slow singular nod and you bowed your head slightly to show you deferred to him.

He took a seat in his chair as if it was a great effort and slumped with his own sigh.

Returning to Mikey found the younger man watching with an interested twinkle in his eye.

“Okay.” You gave a tentative grin. “Let’s do it.”

“Yes!” Mikey hopped up and right back down so he was plopped closer to you with his phone manifesting in his hand. “Now tell me all your favorite foods, don’t hold back, go!”

You giggled and spent the rest of Mikey’s shift going on and on about food. From planning the menu to simply ranting about nearby restaurants, the time flew by. You soon had a menu laid out along with a detailed grocery list that Donnie had stepped in to say he would purchase. Even though you knew the action had an edge of fear to it, you took his participation as a good sign and Mikey offered to send you over the recipe list so you could send it to Donnie. You agreed and after lobbing way too many messages around your phone, Mikey soon shot upright. “Alrighty!”

You looked at him in confusion before going to check the time.

“Don’t wanna keep Raph waiting!” Mikey took a big step in front of you before rounding to where Leo’s portals usually appeared. “Oh, one more thing…”

“Yeah?” You did your best to look over the back of the couch.

You found Mikey staring at Donnie.

Your mate returned the gaze with growing concern.

“Think of this as thanks for your shitty bow!” Mikey split a manic grin.

Both you and Donnie tensed.

Mikey’s head snapped in your direction with a sickly tilt. “This bastard relapsed when you were in your coma.”

Donnie reared with the first bits of a snarl.

A blue portal appeared the second he tried and Mikey gave double peace signs while biting his tongue for a crazed expression as he fell backward through it.

You stared after.

Donnie made it several steps forward and you could feel the fumes coming off of him.

Raph then hurtled through the portal. “W-what happened?!”

You watched purple flicker and sputter in Donnie’s eye.

Raph’s own caught fire. “H-hey now…!”

“Relapsed…” You spoke fearfully.

“Y/N…” Donnie didn’t look at you and was instead locked onto the center of Raph’s plastron to where Mikey had been.

“Like… the drugs?” Against your leg’s weakness, you rose to better look over the couch. “You did drugs again…?” 

“Ah…” Raph didn’t drop his attention, but what was happening fell into place for him. “Yeah… You shot up a few times, didn’t you?”

Raph knew. 

Mikey knew. 

You didn’t know.

“I needed to stay awake!” Donnie roared, taking another step forward.

You saw a ghost of Raph in red slip from his form.

“Awake and numb!!!” Spittle flecked as Donnie panted through his teeth.

Flickers of purple shimmered in the air.

Raph’s projection grew the slightest amount. “Donatello…”

Donnie’s heavy breathing filled the space.

Diffuse.

It would be better to diffuse the situation.

You weren’t even mad.

You were more haunted by the knowledge.

Donnie had been candid about making and taking drugs, but it had also seemed like he left them behind in the mania of his 20s.

You weren’t sure how to feel about them now.

They made sense to an extent, which placed you with a single question.

“Ha… have you since…?”

Donnie didn’t seem to be able to move, but his lips momentarily closed. “No…”

“Are you…?” He clearly wasn’t alright.

Not now.

Not in all the time since the attack.

There was something more.

Though there was glitter in the air and Donnie seemed to be close to hyperventilating, nothing had actually manifested.

No artillery. 

No guns. 

“Okay.” You finally spoke, a single note drop in the bucket.

It plopped and did nothing to change the amount held in the receptacle.

Things were different.

The lack of weaponry was a sign of that.

As Mikey had said: It was time to keep going.

“Okay.” You repeated, this time enforcing the syllables.

It wasn’t an immediate disengagement, but Donnie garnered enough strength from the sound to look at you.

His gaze pained with a broken blinker of purple and he continued to strain with his body.

The purple in the air flittered away and Raph’s projection slowly melded back with his body until Donnie slumped a certain amount.

A collective breath was released and only when Donnie collapsed back into his chair did Raph throw his hands up to claw them down his face. “Mikey! He’s such a little shit, I swear!”

You gave a puff of what wasn’t laughter and sank down into the couch.

“I did not want to get shot again!” Raph complained and had to take a step to anchor himself to the couch. “Not a way to start my shift.”

You sympathetically patted Raph’s hand where you could reach it. “Good news.”

“What’s that?” Raph’s face said he wanted more than the obvious.

You would exalt Donnie for successfully disengaging his ninpo for the first time later.

For now, there was something else to pass along.

“We’re having a dinner party.” You told him, feeling exhausted. “We’re what?” Raph deadpanned.

💜NEXT💜

I'm so sleepy, but i love my betas @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Pokemon-induced healing

And why you fuckers shouldn't rely on it for everything, Arceus fuck stop forcing your poor Chansey to take care of wounds that you should seriously go to the hospital for

* * * * *

okay. SO. To preface this, I volunteered in a Pokemon center for a while. And while this was just a volunteer position and not something I had medical training for, I've also got personal experience. Due to my poor coordination and shitty connective tissue, I tend to fall over, bump into things, and bruise very easily. So trust me when I say I know what I'm talking about.

So, how does pokemon healing work?

That's a fucking complicated question. So, let's start with the healing moves and narrow it down. The main ones I'm going to be talking about here are Heal Pulse, Life Dew, and Floral Healing.

Actually no I'm not qualified to talk about Floral Healing. If any comfey trainers wanna add on, feel free.

Heal pulse and life dew! So, Heal Pulse is the one I have the most familiarity with, and it's essentially a wave of energy that encourages your body to accelerate the natural healing process. No, it does not artificially age you, and it will not reduce your lifespan, but let's be real for a moment. If you get injured and need healing that much, your lifespan may be in danger for other reasons.

However. There are other dangers to it that really aren't talked about a lot, namely: repairing tissue damage, and infection. There are a lot of situations in which heal pulse can be risky:

-injured person has an artificially suppressed or otherwise compromised immune system.

-injured person has a heart condition, particularly where arrhythmia is a symptom

-injury is infected or contains foreign substance

-dead tissue is still attached to affected area

And I'm gonna break down one by one, why all of these are bad!

So, it's not quite as well known, but heal pulse actually does have an impact on the immune system. In ancient times, it was believed that cursed pokemon would make you sick when they healed you, but in actuality, this phenomenon was simply the pokemon kicking the immune system into gear for a minor/dormant infection that would have happened anyways. However, this can be dangerous for people with a compromised immune system, because you're basically trying to squeeze blood from a stone. In most cases, it can make their immune systems worse, and while this is thankfully temporary, it's still deeply unpleasant and may interfere with someone's plans because you've abruptly shunted them to the hospital when they were going to have brunch with the girls this week instead.

Next is arrhythmia. I've got this one, it flares up from time to time. I cannot stress enough that disabled people are everywhere. We don't just exist as tokens at the edge of your imagination. We're probably at the grocery store or on public transportation. It may just be that I'm a bit jaded, but it pisses me off more than anything that I have to experience symptoms when I would love to be frolicking through the woods. Anyways, heal pulse relies on the heartbeat to synchronize with and distribute the energy-- so when the heartbeat is uneven? Things can start getting a lil fucky. Usually this results in dizziness, nausea, feeling flushed, and on rare occasions fainting. People with heart conditions are more common than you think, please ask us before messing with our bodies.

Third thing is infections. Remember how I said that heal pulse kicks your immune system into overdrive? Well, the immune system is responsible for expelling all foreign matter from your system, not just illness. This is why you'll want to make sure to clean a wound first, unless it's urgent. You can skip the wound cleaning part if it's an emergency, but... it's not really pretty. Seriously. I don't advise it.

Fourth reason! Okay, so, this is gonna be a little gross, but let's say you trip and skin your knee. It's bleeding, you've got a weird little flap of skin hanging off. Normally, that skin will turn white (or at least it does for me; I have light skin, but I'm told it may turn a pale greyish color for people with dark skin. That said, I'm gonna be real. I do not want to look up pictures, so I am trusting the dark skinned folks reading this to know what dead/peeling skin looks like for them) and eventually fall off. HOWEVER. If you apply heal pulse to it? There's a decent chance that your body may attempt to revitalize the dead skin at the same time as it scabs over the wound and then the skin closes up and eats the scab. It won't kill you, and eventually the extra flap of skin will die, but it's still. Geh. It's really not pleasant. Don't do it.

If this sounds fucking horrifying, that's because it is! All of these things are fucking horrifying to happen to your body! Don't ask me how I know this!

Now that you've all been suitably terrified of the dangers of heal pulse, let me introduce you to an alternative: life dew! Life dew does not interfere with arrhythmia, can be stored with special preparation, and generally has much weaker effects. It tends to help with the process of clotting and scabbing more so than healing, so if you've made any mistakes, they're generally easier to remedy.

Pokemon healing, like any other type, requires consent. Yes, there are exceptions-- sometimes a person cannot reasonably consent in their current state, or there was an accident with a wild scyther and consent is the last thing on your mind with all the blood everywhere. Even so, please always keep in mind that you need to respect the sanctity of other people's bodies and take accountability for your actions as a trainer.

That's all!

[aloesarchives]

In your Toji lives au would you ever consider making Tsumiki a sorcerer, if so what would her technique be? If not, how does she feel about being the only one in the family without “powers”?

Warnings: Lore dumping for "Toji lives AU", profanity, being too long than it should be

Well, I did thought about it, anon.

In my "Toji Lives AU", Tsumiki doesn't have a curse technique. There are some reasons why I didn't give her a curse technique.

1.) My lack of understanding of the basic understanding of curse technique. I've been reading JJK for almost four years now but I have yet to understand the power system of the series. I know! I'm a fake fan but my smooth brain hasn't been able to grasp the basics/fundamentals of the series. That's why I didn't give Tsumiki a curse technique because my ideas for curse techniques won't make sense in the realm of Jujutsu Kaisen.

2.) I literally have no clue on what curse technique would suit her. Personally, I can't make/give Tsumiki one because I don't know enough about her. Generally, if there is a character that's powerless in a series I'm writing, I would writing a power/technique/ability based on how much I know them. However, since there's very little on Tsumiki in the canon story, I think it would be easier for me to not make her a sorcerer. All we know, at least to my knowledge, is she's the step-sister and step-daughter of Megumi and Toji, she's a kind-hearted and caring person but isn't afraid to call out someone(like what she did with Megumi in Middle School), she took care of Megumi every since their respective parents went MIA, and she got stuck in a coma after accompanying some classmates to the cursed bridge. That's the only information on her personality and life I have on her. But it's very limiting for me to give her a technique for the AU.

But if I had to give her one, it would most likely be a healing curse technique. Again, I don't know the fundamentals for her technique. All I know is she uses her ability to heal other sorcerers wounds but not have regenerative properties. Tsumiki, while a firm person, doesn't hit me as a fighter or someone who's needed on the battlefield. She's more of a support/healer based on her personality and nature. But yeah, a healing curse technique is something I would give her if I made her a sorcerer.

But since I didn't make her a sorcerer nor have any curse technique, she's the most normal out of everyone in the family. In my "Toji lives AU", both her and Megumi don't know about the Jujutsu world or anything curse related because I had Reader and Toji never bringing it up/mentioning it. It was not until Satoru and Suguru went to retrieve the two of them at Reader's request is when they learn about the Jujutsu world and curse technique.

She knew she didn't have powers when Satoru, Suguru and eventually Reader explained it to her and Megumi. She was aware because before Megumi's manifestation of his Ten Shadow Technique, he kept telling Reader he was seeing monsters everywhere. Reader would ask Megumi to describe the monsters and his description of them are now curses. Tsumiki knows Megumi doesn't like to lie or never really lies to Reader, he doesn't make stuff up for attention. She could tell on Mother's face that there was something else going on that Tsumiki wasn't experiencing herself.

By the time she's 6-7 years old, she knew she didn't have a curse technique or powers because she couldn't see curses, had any sort of manifestation, and she was passed the age where a kid would receive one. After meeting Satoru and Suguru, she knew Reader was a sorcerer because Satoru explained how her and Megumi's mom was just like them. But she didn't know how powerful until Satoru tells her and Megumi that Reader is a powerful sorcerer, unlike any other, to the point Satoru admits Reader can rival him herself.

While Megumi starts to look up to Reader, Tsumiki feels like a odd one out because she never got supernatural powers. Most are quick to point out that Toji doesn't have powers but that doesn't apply to her father at all. Toji doesn't have a curse technique or any curse energy. However, he can still see curses, have extremely heighten human sense and abilities, and wield the most broken weapons in the Jujutsu world because his celestial restrictions allows him. He doesn't have any powers but his celestial restriction gives him extraordinary physical abilities that beyond the supernatural in exchange. She doesn't have celestial restriction like her father nor does she have a technique like her Mother and Brother, overhearing how both of them possess techniques that have unfathomable potential and strength. Tsumiki is just...normal.

However, Reader explains to her that she and Toji still love her no matter what. Saying that she doesn't need a curse technique in ordered to be accepted and seen in their family. Reader tries to reassure her that it's not uncommon for individuals to be born without a curse technique in her clan. So it's normal for Tsumiki to not have one herself. This also means Reader reminds Tsumiki she has no need to jump hurdles to prove herself. Reader tells Tsumiki what matters is she builds up and grows herself.

Oddly enough, it's actually Toji who gave her a more earnest and honest commentary and explanation to her. This happened when she and Megumi were teenagers. She was having one of those close talks with Toji at home because Reader and Megumi were out doing Sorcery stuff. He explained to her that her being born without a curse technique can be seen as a blessing because she doesn't have to be involved in the world of Jujutsu. Explaining how the Jujutsu world isn't special compared to the real world. If not, it's a lot more grim and unforgiving to those who live in it. He openly admits to Tsumiki that even Reader and Megumi, who are born with legendary and sought after abilities/techniques, shoulder a burden not everyone experiences.

Megumi has to burden the expectations of having a technique that has the potential to rival and defeat Satoru Gojo. The strongest sorcerer in Modern Sorcery. His technique is a prized and beloved by the Zen'in clan, Toji's biological family. A clan that would do anything in order to keep their status as one of the main Jujutsu families. Toji spills a little bit to Tsumiki about the ruthless and unkind nature of how the Zen'in treats both non-sorcerers and sorcerers. Speaking about being born with a curse technique doesn't guarantee your acceptance. They will see you as sub-human if the technique is weak and useless. Even if you have a powerful technique, the clan doesn't give a shit about you. They only care for the technique, not the person. So it's a constant struggle for power and placement against your own family and clan/ fight for a place at the table.

Then there's Reader, who's curse technique can match and be on par with Gojo. However, the burdens she shoulders is a lot more different and heavier than Megumi's. She bears the burden of being one of the strongest around, meaning she constantly is needed and busy like Gojo is. Toji also speaks of the burden of guilt you carry for doing enough, if it was enough. To call the shots and make observations no one else can see. The insight and guidance you offer would be sufficient in growing the younger sorcerer. Your care and concern would be enough to help others not fall down a dark path. That what you were doing was enough to protect your family, to keep your beloved husband and children safe. Toji told Tsumiki that Reader was glad Tsumiki didn't have curse energy because it meant to didn't have to face the horrors of the Jujutsu world. Something her mother, and unfortunately her younger brother, have to face and be apart of.

Now, Toji said all of this not to be like "well you aren't missing out much" or "you're better off doing this instead of that". But rather, to make a point that having a curse technique isn't always everything and what matters the most is someone's will and personal strength. Toji confesses that a person's drive and will is what keeps them going in the Jujutsu world and the real world. Tsumiki may be powerless but her kind-heart and caring nature is something not many have the ability to do nature. Toji even says Tsumiki is stronger than most sorcerers because the conviction she has overpowers many others.

"Kindness isn't a weakness. Rather, it's a strength others don't have the capacity to understand its true nature, Tsumiki. So don't be so hard on yourself because you lack an ability. Not many are strong like you to keep doing what you're doing. The closest person I can think of that's just as kind as you is your mother(Reader). And we already know she's insanely strong as it is. So don't feel down about what you don't have, what you already have is powerful that not even that Gojo kid could understand."

"You're already strong, Tsumiki. You're just not seeing it like your mom and I do."

With that, Tsumiki feels less excluded and more empowered. When she was younger, she never voiced her shame and her alienation from her family. But after her talk with Toji, she isn't ashamed of being powerless and keeps up her kind personality. All because of the conversation she had with Toji and her being honest with her.

Tsumiki may not know this, but her kindness and caring nature is one of the reasons why Reader hasn't given up on herself and what she does/fights for in the Jujutsu World. Because to Reader, Tsumiki's kindness grounds and brings her down to Earth. Tsumiki reminds Reader that kindness exists anywhere and is needed for the world to no collapse on itself. That it takes a different kind of strength to still show kindness when there's a lot of resistance. Reader keeps fighting so people like her daughter can live and exist in this unforgiving world. That's how strong Tsumiki's kindness is and she doesn't have a curse technique to make such an effect.

Tsumiki in this AU knows and understands the world of Jujutsu. But she isn't involved in it as a sorcerer because her only connection is through her parents and brother, not herself. But she knows the basics of curse and curse energy. She's not ashamed of being a non-sorcerer and has a different yet positive outlook on life. She doesn't mind not having powers because she's already secure about herself thanks to her Mother and Father.

Leave it to Papa Toji to make things better lol

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Can you tell us what the answers to the six of crows color experiment is?

Yep! ☺️

I realised too late that I really should’ve organised it as a poll somehow, because I’ve had loads of responses (thank you all very much) and whilst a lot of them agreed with me there were a few I wasn’t expecting. My associations in the order than I wrote them in the original post:

Red - Nina

Green - Jesper

Black - Kaz

Blue - Matthias

Purple - Inej

Orange - Wylan

So generally speaking a lot of people either agreed with exactly what I’d said or swapped Wylan and Jesper, which makes a lot of sense. A few people also moved Jesper and Inej around, which I understand and I wanted to add on that point I always connect Inej to purple with the idea of her reclaiming the colour and its power in the same way that she referred to her knives as her “proper claws” to reclaim the image of the lynx. Purple is the colour that was used against her and the colour that represents Ketterdam (Stadwatch uniforms, colour of Kruge notes, and the Geldrenner Ketterdam suite being the main examples); with a part of what separates Inej’s journey and her ship from Kaz’s style of vengeance is the acknowledgement that the city itself is the monster she’s facing, she’s been forced to come to terms with the idea that what happened to her wasn't the result of one terrible person or group of terrible people, but a dangerous environment and society that was never going to see her as an equal go matter what she did in life (this realisation is particularly linked to the “Rare Spices” billboard, which I wrote a post on a while back so if anyone wants to read that let me know and I’ll tag you) so by reclaiming the colour she is not only reclaiming the power Heleen took from her but the city as a whole. I hope I worded that all okay I worry that my point doesn’t come across properly it feels unclear please let me know and I’ll try to explain it differently. However I also understand the perspective a few people raised in their responses of wanting to separate her from that colour because she should always be seen as more than who she was forced to be, it’s just my personal interpretation that part of her pathway to healing is reclaiming the symbols used against her as a symbol of power to use against the system and people that put her in her position.

With Jesper and Wylan, I can definitely see it going both ways and I guess it also depends on what shades of the colours you’re imagining for each of them. For me, Wylan is orange because it can be a quiet, beautiful sunrise but it can also be fire and rage, it can be dark and deeply lonely but it can also be bright and blazing, it can be the first light of home in the dark but it can also be the flames of righteousness. “You were angry. I needed you righteous” “well, you’ve got me”. I realise all/most colours have a natural dual nature but I think orange does particularly and I think that it compliments him wonderfully. I connect Jesper to green for brightness, fun, the “lime green” clothes and vibrant plaid, but also for the farm and the card tables and the painful difference between them - the way his life split in two like a log cut down the middle (I don’t have my book with me so not quoting, but he says something along those lines in Crooked Kingdom when talking about how he ended up moving from the university to the Barrel).

I think the one’s who were always connected the same way were Nina to red and Kaz to black, and I wanted to add a couple of reasons I didn’t see anyone mention yet and that would be Nina being the “little red bird” and Kaz wearing black, mercher suits to mock them and to look, by Ketterdam’s colour-represented social hierarchy that I could talk about forever, like he fits in with them in the upper echelon of society.

And most people also maintained Matthias with blue, connections to water, ice, storms, but I think also it’s worth emphasising his blue eyes that Nina finds so beautiful

I will go through later and tag everyone who has responded so far in this post so everyone can see the results if they want to, thanks to everyone who responded ❤️

[dr33mtal3]

Pazazz Bitty

Since I drew a pippin before I had to draw a pazazz! Here have some fun facts!

A Pazazz is a subclass of Bonsai-Bitty (another of which is the Pippin)

Bonsai-Bitties are a kind of Plant-Bitty that use a skeletal structure to carry a root and branch system: a walking tree

Bonsai-Bitties have 'wings' which are actually their canopy: leaves, branches, and flowers make up the many structures

The wings of a Bonsai-bitty are sensitive to touch, capable of crude vision (light, color, movement, and shape), used for breathing and photosynthesis, and are also used in reproduction

The wings of a Bonsai-bitty may secrete pollen, nectar, or sap, given relevant circumstances

Bonsai-Bitties are capable of great chemical complexity, and will often change their chemical makeup to communicate (or for some other conscious purpose). This results in changes to their coloration, smell, taste, and toxicity.

A happy, healthy Bonsai-Bitty can be harvested from for edible or medicinal substances

The wings of a Bonsai Bitty has indeterminate growth

And about the Pazazz, specifically:

Pazazzes are a type of Bonsai Bitty which display warm-colored pigmentation

Pazazz prefer warmer temperatures and semi-humid to mildly damp conditions. They enjoy hot springs, and hot tubs.

A Pazazz can breathe in freshwater through their wings with little trouble, but cannot breathe in salt-water for more than an hour at a time. However, cool water may send them into a state of torpor.

They especially enjoy playing in mud puddles, slimes, paint, and other gooey globs, so long as they are room temperature or warmer.

Pazazz also enjoy fire, but should not be left near an average fire unsupervised (as they are somewhat flammable).

A Pazazz is boundlessly loyal to its chosen Person, even before becoming a proper bondmate. If they 'choose' a person, they will pursue them persistently.

A Pazazz that has found its chosen Person will desire to be beside them at all times, even when their Person cannot pay direct attention to them. They will hide in pockets or bags, sit on shoulders, or sit on the head, in order to remain as close as possible whenever they can get away with it.

Pazazz are energetic and rowdy bitties that have great reserves of energy during the day. They can be so active that it causes their wings to become unkempt.

However, Pazazz are highly diurnal, and will slow down once the sun sets. At a certain light level (of darkness), a Pazazz will have difficulty staying awake at all. You can trick a Pazazz into thinking it is time to sleep by keeping them in a dark place. A blindfold will also work partially, but not fully unless their wings are also covered.

Pazazzes are affectionate: they will show their affection with closeness, cuddles, nuzzles, and shedding. They may also bite to leave marks.

Pazazzes are active and talented, but not academically inclined. They do well in creative activities and sports, so art supplies, balls, and little weights are great for enrichment.

The Pazazz tends to have a loud and opinionated personality. They have a great capacity for jealousy and spite, and will pick fights for both entertainment and a desire for chaos. They prefer to pick fights with those who can fight back.

Although the Pazazz is slow to learn new tricks, they never forget a skill once learned. A Pazazz will do its best to learn new things for the people it loves (with mixed results).

Pazazz shed excessively when they feel intense emotions, to the point where their pollen, nectar, or sap will pool and stain the area around them. They become very sticky, and will need help cleaning and preening their wings after such an episode.

Pazazz are durable both emotionally and physically. They have a high tolerance for pain, to the point where some may actively seek it out. If a Pazazz complains about pain, there is something seriously wrong.

The wings of a Pazazz grow faster than other bonsai bitties. They require trims at least once a month to maintain good health. It is recommended to maintain a regiment of at-home edge trims once a week, or to bring them in for a close short trim with a trained professional once a month.

Pazazzes love climbing or flying up to high places. They also love knocking things off high places.

Pazazzes are voracious eaters, and will steal food even when they aren't hungry. They especially love sweets, spicy foods, and anything with caffeine in it.

Pazazzes have been known to climb into full coffee cups, drain the coffee, and then nap in the warm bottom of the cup. If paired with a Pippin, they may share the nap spot for extra cuddles.

Older or more clever Pazazzes may entertain themselves by making mischief or playing pranks. Some may find making messes more fun.

A stressed or anxious Pazazz may invert their behavior and obsessively clean. Although this is a known stress response, this behavior can be encouraged with ample praise and reward, so that they will know to clean their messes after making them. It is important to continuously reinforce the reward for this behavior to keep it from returning to a stress response.

[racheyace]

What The Actual...

When did Matt find out about Luke’s size shifting abilities?

Another short story featuring Luke and Matt approximately 2.4k words.

Luke was sweating buckets by the time he’d gotten to school, the walk from his house seemed to blur as his mind recited everything on his revision notes for the upcoming test today. This test was worth 80% of his math grade and would determine whether he failed the class or not.

He had done so poorly in all his other subjects that if he failed math as well, he would need to repeat the year.

His mind raced as he tried to think up the formula for Pythagoras theorem, he’d literally just looked it over again that morning and now he was drawing a blank, what if he continued to draw blanks for the rest of the day, what if by the time he was looking at his test book he couldn’t remember anything.

“Whoa watch it!”

Luke stumbled as he bumped into someone and continued to then trip over his own long legs and fall, sprawling on the hard concrete ground.

The person he had barged into had long since gone and Luke sat there stunned like a deer in the headlights, in fact he almost wanted to cry, he just wanted today to be over already.

Standing up, he brushed himself off and shouldered his backpack, he had grazed his elbow on the way down and it stung but it would heal. He seemed to heal faster than the average person and he supposed he could thank his unusual gift for that neat trick.

“Luke, hey dude you’ll never guess what Linda said to me this morning!” Matt bounced beside his friend and continued to babble excitedly.

“I got on the bus and her seat was the only one available so naturally I asked if I could sit there, you know all casual like, and she said yes! Can you believe it! She actually spoke to me, Luke are you listening? You don’t look so good.” He eyed his friend who was obviously tense, he looked much paler than usual, and he could see the perspiration on his forehead.

“Are you sick or something?” 

Luke felt sick, he felt like he was going to throw up, and his nervousness only grew as he felt his skin tighten like he was about to shift, he could not let that happen today, he had enough to worry about without worrying about turning into a giant freak of nature.

“Yeah, sorry, I guess I’m just nervous about the test, sorry dude.” Luke excused himself to duck into the bathroom, he literally had to duck his head so he wouldn’t hit the frame of the door, he hoped his friend didn’t notice that he’d just shot up a few inches.

He whirled into a stall and put the lid down on the toilet, sitting there with his head in his hands trying to take steady even breathes, if he could calm himself down, he could resist the shift.

“That was close.” He sighed letting out a long breath as he watched the toilet cubicle shrink back to its regular size. The test was during the first two periods of the day, if he could just get through that and then go home with the excuse that he was sick, then he could grow and get it out of his system and feel much better.

He rejoined Matt in the hallway where he was waiting for him, Matt looked at him with concern. He wondered if there was something else going on for his friend beside the test but chose to believe him, he had no reason not to.

They parted ways at home room and Luke made sure to sit right at the back to avoid anyone who might want to sit and chat with him, he didn’t have the energy to focus on anything else today besides this stupid test and remaining an average human height for a few hours.

The bell rang to signal first period and he shot out of his seat, darting out the door and straight to the hall where the math test was being held, he entered through the large double doors and scanned the room.

Thinking strategically, he should sit at the back closest to the door just in case he had to make a quick exit, however fate had other plans and he spotted Matt waving at him from the middle of the room, signally to sit next to him instead. He wondered with annoyance how on earth he had managed to get to the Hall before him.

“I’ll be so glad when this is over.” Luke sighed slumping into his seat beside his friend.

“You and me both bro.” Matt chuckled good naturedly nudging his friend in the arm.

“Students take your seats, this test will commence in two minutes sharp, you will have ninety minutes to complete your test, use this time wisely.”

With that, everyone in the room watched in silence as the timer began and then simultaneously flipped their test booklets over and began scribbling furiously.

Luke was feeling confident about halfway through, all his answers he was sure were correct so far, that was until he looked up at the timer and saw he only had thirty minutes left and still half the booklet to go. He felt his muscles tighten and his skin felt like it was swelling, he closed his eyes and took a breath, he just had to keep going, focus on the work and take deep breaths. His seat felt smaller.

He only had two questions left when the alarm on the timer sounded, jolting in his seat, he flipped his booklet over and bolted for the door, the pressure in his body was becoming too much and he had to get out of there. Running full tilt toward the forested area that backed onto the school oval, he knew of a clearing there he had used to grow before, he just hoped he could make it there in time before he exploded.

His legs felt longer, his strides stretching further as he ran, the grass looked smaller, he knew he wasn’t big enough to be noticeable, but it was coming, and it was coming fast.

Once in the cover of the trees he let his body go, that tight feeling felt looser as he let himself grow, his forehead brushing against the tops of the trees, he took a few more steps mindful of the smaller foliage, he didn’t want to leave an obvious trail. He reached the clearing and stretched his aching body, letting out a groan from the relief, the anxiety gone and the pressure previously raging through his muscles was gone.

“What the actual-.”

Luke whipped his head around scanning the forest floor until his large blue eyes landed on the small form of his childhood best friend staring up at him with wide eyes, he held Luke’s backpack in one hand with his own slung over the opposite shoulder. Matt had watched his friend’s odd behavior and worried about him, so he’d picked up his bag and followed him into the forest to check on him.

“Matt.” He wasn’t sure what else to say, how to explain himself, he took a step toward his friend who stood comparatively around six inches in height to him, and he immediately regretted it. He watched with the sick feeling of guilt in his stomach as Matt took multiple steps backward, tripping over the branches of the forest floor and falling back on his rear.

Luke knelt down instead, planting his knees into the ground, and flinching as he saw the rumbling effect it had on his friend causing Matt to shake either from the large movement or from fear, neither of them were sure, probably both.

Matt shook his head as if coming out of a trance and before he could think it through, he dropped both bags jumping up onto his feet and made to bolt in the opposite direction.

“Wait!” Luke shouted, throwing caution to the wind, he reached out his large hands that moved much faster than anything that big had a right to and scooped up his friend closing him in between his two hands as though he’d just caught an interesting bug.

Luke’s eyes widened as he felt Matt kick and punch at his large digits, he could hear him shouting from within his hands, but it was muffled. He felt horrible holding his best friend against his will like this, but he needed to explain what was going on, he owed it to him at least.

Once he’d explained he would let him go and he would understand if Matt never wanted to see him again, who’d want to be friends with a freak like him anyway.

With a deep breath he slowly opened his hands letting the light shine within the enclosed space until his eyes settled on Matt sprawled on his back and staring up at him fearfully, he had his arms over his head in defense and his chest rose and fell as he took quick short, panicked breaths.

“Matt, I-it’s me.” Luke’s words caught in his throat, he blinked back the tears that were threatening, he hated that he was the cause of Matt’s fear.

“Luke?” Matt’s small voice reached his ears and he let out a breath of relief ruffling his friend’s shaggy blonde hair in the process. He watched avidly as Matt’s breathing began to slow and recognition was beginning to show on his features.

“Yeah Matt, it’s just me, I swear I won’t hurt you; I can explain all of his.” His words rushed over Matt’s body, and he shuddered at the bizarre feeling of such large breathes washing over him, but he recognized those blue eyes, the freckles that were scattered across his cheeks and nose, his curly brown hair bounced and hung around his eyes, this was Luke, just magnified.

Matt pushed himself up to sit cross legged in his friends’ hands and craned his neck to look up at his gigantic best friend.

“C-can you p-put me down Luke?” Matt internally beat himself for stuttering over his words, he tried to push the fear away knowing Luke would never truly hurt him, but it was hard to do when your life was literally being held in someone’s hands.

“Promise you won’t run?” Luke appeared hesitant to put his friend down even though he wanted nothing more than for his friend to feel comfortable and safe, he just needed to explain.

“I promise.”

Luke lowered his hands to the forest floor and flattened them out so Matt could step off onto steady ground once again, Matt really wanted to kiss the floor once he’d stepped off but refrained from the dramatic display of relief for the sake of his friend’s feelings.

“So, what happened to you dude? Fall into a radioactive pit or something? Is this permanent?”

“I’m a size shifter, as far as I know I was born with this ability, but I can’t always control it very well, particularly when I’m stressed like today, I’m so sorry.” Luke settled himself into a sitting position and crossed his legs, keeping a few feet between himself and Matt.

“How does this even happen? So, what, your parents obviously know right? Does anyone else know?”

“Yeah, my parents know, but no one else, I swear I wanted to tell you, but my parents said it was best to keep it secret, for my safety you know?”

Matt shook his head in disbelief and looked up and up at his best friend’s face, he looked so concerned, he knew Luke had always been the quieter and more self-conscious of the two, but he found it hard to believe that someone who stood ten times taller than anyone else could look so much like a hurt puppy.

“Okay so if you can shift sizes, why don’t you, you know, shrink back down now?”

He watched with curiosity as Luke closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before letting out a frustrated groan.

“I can’t yet.” He looked so apologetic, like all he wanted to do was be his regular size and hug his best friend but couldn’t.

“The burst I had was a pretty big one, sometimes it takes a little while before I can shift again, I’m sorry, I know I must seem really scary to you.” He looked down at his hands that were resting in his lap like he was a monster.

“That’s okay, no harm done.” Matt slowly walked towards his large friend and held a hand out, hesitating only briefly before resting it on Luke’s jean clad thigh and patted it comfortingly. Luke’s lips twitched into a smile watching his friend trying to be comforting despite him being obviously still uneasy around the giant. He appreciated it all the same.

“So uh, is this the real reason you live in that granny flat instead of in your folks house?”

Luke chuckled softly and nodded.

“Yeah, when I was younger, I would have bad dreams and shift in my sleep, it was safer to have me out of the house, that hasn’t happened in a long time though.”

“I still can’t believe you kept this a secret from me for so long, we’ve known each other since first grade!” Matt stood back again, not out of fear but so that he could see all of his friend while he was talking to him.

“I really wanted to tell you dude, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine I get it, just pissed because all this time we could have been using this power to you know fight crime and stuff! We could have scared bullies away or something.” Matt threw up his hands in dramatic exasperation but smiled anyway. Luke rolled his eyes.

“So? You’re cool with this? Really? And you won’t tell anyone?” Luke leaned forward looking earnestly at Matt.

“Yeah gigantor, your secret is safe with me.” Luke chuckled at the nickname and smiled.

The two hung out in the clearing for a few hours, chatting as if nothing had changed between them, just two friends hanging out and passing time.

[system-of-a-feather]

New Pinned Post

I'm no longer in need of back up money, so commissions aren't needed, but if you ever want to commission me, I'm usually open. I also occasionally put some of my art on redbubble.

Please read Boundaries before sending an ask.

Anyways, hello everyone, I am too lazy to find my old crack DID pride flag (it'll come up some day and I'll link it here), and I figured I should slowly update some of my intro stuff for this blog after not touching it for a fucking minute.

You can call me Feathers - we're a 21+ year old Buddhist mixed-AAPI intersex nonbinary system (they/them) that is at late stage recovery and often defaults to a fully fused state (though we freely play with our multiple identity and operate as independent parts whenever it works best for us; often for trauma processing or navigating complex life decisions). As a result, we don't always tag which part is out and sometimes tag "alter: fei" or, more recently, "feathers speaks" Sometimes we might tag which part is dominant, but it's all whatever.

For the most recent discussion on Buddhism, Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicity written by our fully fused self before our recent decision to swap back to Functional Mulitiplicity, feel free to read here; it's long but a pretty cohesive understanding of our current experiences with our DID and shit. (5/15/2024)

We're diagnosed with DID, C-PTSD, autism, trichotillomania, OCD, and honestly a number of things cause complex-trauma life. We have some physical disabilities but nothing that typically causes too much obstruction in our day to day.

As a result of our state of recovery, we really don't have a set headcount, however we were / are polyfragmented.

Some fun things about us and things you'll see on this blog:

Due to the fact that DID is no longer really that much of an interesting topic / impactful part of our life, we only occasionally post about DID and our experiences with it. While it was the original purpose of this blog, as a depiction of our healing journey and what healing with DID can look like, we decided we would rather just post about whatever sparks joy in our life. As a result, rather than much content on DID, you will likely see things relating to the topics below. PLEASE feel free to send asks about ANY of the topics below. We love to talk about things.

We are Buddhist (primarily non-theistic; mostly non-denominational, largely Zen) and we really enjoy it. We particularly like the philosophy and do practice it. Admittedly, we identify as being god awful Buddhists, but thats okay cause its part of the process.

We love research and plan to go into it when our ducks are better aligned. We particularly love research and literature around developmental psychopathology, trauma, dissociation, animal behavior, and the more abstract neuroscience topics (particularly consciousness research). We likely won't post much on it as overtly here because I don't enjoy talking science on tumblr much because most people (in my experience) don't actually want to talk about research as much as they want to prove their point.

We are avid bird watchers and regularly document / photograph the birds we see and upload them to ebird. We really enjoy it as an activity and social engagement and really love sharing that joy and knowledge with people. We actually have a minor in Avian Science and have been tested on North American ID skills. We also know more than we need to about chicken biology as a result of said degree. If you want to send anything about birds, bird watching, or asking for a bird ID (even non North American), they are ALWAYS welcome and you are ALWAYS allowed to tag us in any bird related content.

We do a lot of creative work and have dedicated ourselves (without writing partner) to a large story world project that we've been writing for over a decade now. We actually specifically started grinding our art skills in 2020 specifically just to help build that world up. Art is one of our largest self soothing coping mechanisms. We are going to turn that story world into a comic and a TTRPG system so please check out @thedevaaffliction.

Overall, we really just like thinking about a lot of topics and things as part of both our interest in research, philosophy, and as part of our Buddhist practice. We don't really find an interest in arguing discourse / syscourse because we really dislike and see very little benefit in debate. That said, we love to discuss experiences, thoughts, feelings and perspectives on complex topics and as long as the intent is to discuss and share rather than to "win" or "prove", we really enjoy that sort of enrichment in our life so we do welcome it. That said, we withhold the right to deem any conversation as more debate than discussion and to abandon it.

Additionally, related to the fifth point, we believe in being fully transparent about our past and admission that we were wrong as we think it is very important to be able to re-evaluate your beliefs and opinions and grow. In our mid teens we actually were pretty far into the alt-right pipeline and until about a year or so ago, we were staunch anti-endos. These days we are basically commies and very pro-endo. If anyone has any interest on how we pivoted so hard in our opinions on those topics, we are more than open to talk and discuss it as well as any insights we pulled from the experience.

Also we love martial arts - I forgot that cause I'm not particularly XIV brained rn but we REALLY enjoy martial arts.

We suck at being labeled and having labels. We're just very very queer.

--------------

DNI:

People who put on their socks/shoes in the order of Sock-Shoe-Sock-Shoe

That's about it. We liberally block, so we don't really worry about DNIs. If we don't like your content for any reason, we will remove it from our dash. Whether or not you want to interact with us is up to you past that point. Generally, we welcome anyone to follow as it can make for good conversation.