gotta-pet-em-all

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Ah. Yep, I got it. Gotta prove yourself to the new job, let people know you're serious and build up some relationships. Best of luck adapting to it, and I hope they treat you well!

💬 Fluff (gotta-pet-em-all)

That was the first person I spoke to when I joined rotomblr, actually!

They seem quite nice! I would love to get to know them more!

[gotta-pet-em-all]

I mean. I straight up didn’t talk about for a long time because I was afraid of retribution. I left home at least partially because the backlash was so bad.

….hang on. Are people from your past still a threat? Would they be a concern if your secrets came out?

💬 Fluff (gotta-pet-em-all)

That was the first person I spoke to when I joined rotomblr, actually!

They seem quite nice! I would love to get to know them more!

[gotta-pet-em-all]

oh! uh, thank you. she/her is fine.

i, ah. don't really know what sort of past you're running from. but it does get easier. like, you'll find yourself with new problems and shit to unpack, but it gets easier. you learn. and eventually you forgive yourself.

💬 Fluff (gotta-pet-em-all)

That was the first person I spoke to when I joined rotomblr, actually!

They seem quite nice! I would love to get to know them more!

[gotta-pet-em-all]

.....damnit. I think I might know who it is that won the photography contest.

Problem is. I don't want to talk to them or acknowledge their existence ever? And if I'm wrong, I'll look stupid. Which is fine, I'm used to that, but if you're stupid AND pretentious. Bleh.

[gotta-pet-em-all]

go forth, and be a whore (in whatever way makes you comfortable and fulfilled)

o7

[gotta-pet-em-all]

The root cause is almost never reasonable.

Think of it this way. If a wound is like. Festering. Does it matter what caused it? Not really. It didn’t heal properly, and now the rot is a lot more important than the original wound being in the shape of this or that.

The point is. You can get PTSD from weird shit if you weren’t provided adequate support.

...Is it normal to come out of Yharnam feeling... less than a person?

[gotta-pet-em-all]

oh yeah. That’s fair. Well I had dubiously consensual heart surgery and for a while afterwards I processed the trauma of aforementioned dubious consent by imagining my innards becoming outtards. Weirdly and violently. Sometimes attacking people.

What I’m saying is that it sounds like a pretty normal reaction to medical trauma. Your brain is trying to rationalize what happened to you by retroactively changing your sense of self to match.

...Is it normal to come out of Yharnam feeling... less than a person?

[gotta-pet-em-all]

oh that’s just like my vivisection era after the dubiously consensual heart surgery! Don’t worry about it

...Is it normal to come out of Yharnam feeling... less than a person?

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Probably. You can ask the other Yharnam fallers.

What are you, if not a person? Nothing? Trash? An imitation? A beast? An automaton? A doll?

...Is it normal to come out of Yharnam feeling... less than a person?

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Polyamory is an option for whoreness. It just takes a lot of work an communication. - @berserkboost

mm. i really do need to get around to reading the ethical slut. i've been meaning to, but then i just don't have time to sit down and read these days....

[gotta-pet-em-all]

ngl since i left plasma i've spent my entire time spiting them by being as aggressively and openly pansexual as possible and man it's been fucking great

ninety percent of the reason life is better now than it was before plasma is the therapy but the remaining ten percent is how aggressively filled with rage and spite it made me to fuel being myself, so, like, silver linings? i dunno.

Were it not for the crippling social anxiety and fear of being hurt in intimate situations, I would be SUCH a whore. Also I'm talking about like. Emotional intimacy. Like my ex.

.....actually. maybe it's not too late for me to be a whore. I just need to find a way to do it that doesn't involve alcohol or loud music or dancing or strenuous physical activity or ambiguous social signals.

[gotta-pet-em-all]

plasma was so horrendously fucking shitty and frankly the worst part was that they made me think that was all i was good for the entire time i was in there. shit's fucked.

i'm glad you got out.

....you too, huh?

I think we had to deny that it was abuse because... otherwise it would be unbearable. It was a coping mechanism. Like, I laugh at how oblivious I was (long story, massive gay crush on a female friend of mine) but the truth is that I would have been filled with violent self loathing if I'd been able to acknowledge those feelings as real.

No matter how bad things get. No matter how bad they will get. At least I'm not twelve, and I never will be twelve again.

[gotta-pet-em-all]

having one of those days where i'm just. so incredibly fucking angry at plasma and everything they did to me, and i can see so clearly now that their ideology was designed to hurt me and isolate me and the only way i could survive was to become manipulative and toxic and i hate being that person! i'm sick of being defined by my mother and living a life defined by absence of love!

i got out. but i

gods. i don't think i've ever really. talked about it. but sometimes i wonder if lola really did get lost.

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Love being on mood stabilizers! Would be even better if they worked.

Ugh, I'm gonna have to change prescriptions again...

[gotta-pet-em-all]

I don't know if I can separate Reshiram from the torment nexus. If that makes sense. It is quite literally the nexus, in terms of worship, of everything that fucked me up. Even if it's not like that. I don't know the difference.

[gotta-pet-em-all]

…..well fuck. Uh. That’s a difficult one.

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Pelipper mail!

Catness, for as long as the pain is gone. Enjoy the creature time!

lsdfkjghsdkfgh catnap