#sure let’s tag it that

[maskyartist]

Happy Death Day

startin to try n put my drabbles on here instead of just hoarding them on discord so here’s somethin I did for my RWBY Mafia AU awhile back. dont have read more since I’m on mobile so be warned for long text!

Tw for discussions of death/murder, hints of parental abuse, and general Mafioso stuff. This AU is meant to be dark so tread with caution

Also @bowl-of-shortness @zacs-of-rwby and my other rwby moots who’s names I currently forget THIS ONES FOR YALL >:D

=================================

A soft hum interrupting the silence of the office makes Qrow peer over at his boss.

It’s not uncommon for Qrow to make himself at home while Ozpin busies himself with paperwork and whatnot, but it’s not often for him to interrupt the quiet that overtakes the top of the clock tower. Usually it’s Qrow himself, or someone else charging into his office with news of a shootout or deals gone wrong or whatever else the big man needs to handle.

“Somethin’ up, boss?” Asks the hitman, prompting a gentle smile from his employer. Qrow’s been around long enough to see through each and every smile Ozpin wears. There’s no malice underneath this one, no anger or disappointment. Merely gentle joy.

“Ah, not exactly, just...” Ozpin finally looks at Qrow fully, golden eyes filled with soft nostalgia. “...today is the anniversary of my father’s death.”

You could hear a pin drop from a mile away with how quiet it got.

“Oh...” Qrow mutters, staring back at his boss.

He knew...some, of what happened to the late head of the Pine Family.

Ozymandias Pine was quite the powerful man, until he was murdered in cold blood in his office. Only a few days later, Ozpin was appointed head of the family, since he was the next in line. But not much word got out beyond that. No one knew who killed the man. But, even with that knowledge, Ozpin looked...content. Like a cat who caught the canary. A happy little smile on his face.

“Is that...good? Or bad?” Qrow asks, a tad out of his element. He taps on the back of his chair. “Sorry, boss, just kinda confused here.”

Ozpin chuckles, soft and sweet. You wouldn’t guess this man has more blood on his hands then Satan himself, not with the way his eyes crinkle as he smiles, and not with how he sounds when he’s like this. Content. Peaceful. Happy.

It’s disconcerting that he looks like this when he speaks of the death of his father.

He waves a hand at Qrow. “Ah, it’s quite alright. Today is a good day, Qrow.” Ozpin says, as calm as ever. Better that then to have him all riled up. He lays his chin in his palm. “Have I ever told you how my father died?” Peering over his glasses, golden eyes lock with wine-red, and Qrow shakes his head. Ozpin’s smile morphs into something...darker. And so utterly pleased.

Even his years with the tribe, seeing the amount of lengths people will go through to live, Qrow can safely say he’s never gotten used to that smile.

“My father called me right here.” Ozpin taps the desk. “Into his office. He trained me often, prepared me to take over the business, but I suppose today he got bored of me.” He rolls his eyes, amused. “He handed me a single knife and told me to defend myself, because only one of us will be leaving this office alive. Then, he charged at me.”

Qrow’s stomach tightens uncomfortably, while Ozpin pushes himself up from his lounging position to lean back in his chair. “He left himself wide open. For someone so high classed, he certainly got sloppy that day. Perhaps he was that eager to be rid of me.”

He hums. Preening like a house cat. Proud and smug.

“I stabbed him. Right in his cold, blackened heart.”

Fingers deftly run over the curved top of Long Memory’s handle. That smile just grows larger. “I didn’t need that knife. I stole his own weapon, and killed him with it. Right here in my office.”

A sigh. A disappointed one. “Though, I will admit, it’s quite saddening that I wasn’t prepared enough to stop him from leaving me lame. He broke my femur, shattered it.”

A gentle hand lays on his injured thigh. “I wasn’t supposed to walk after that. My guess is that he wished to leave a lasting impact during his final moments. But...”

Ozpin stands from his chair, clutching the cane tight as he leans his weight onto it.

Lame...so that’s how Ozpin became this way.

Still, he’s standing. He’s walking, moving around the desk to stand in front as he looks at Qrow with a proud smile.

“With such a weak grip? It’s really no wonder he died so easily!”

And he laughs.

He laughs as if this were normal.

As if this was fine.

As if Qrow learning that he had killed his very own father with his bare hands at such a young age was...was okay.

It’s unsettling, because Ozpin’s laugh is anything but happy, but his smile says otherwise. Qrow should know. He can read his boss best, after all.

Thankfully, Ozpin doesn’t continue with his maniacs, as his laughing dies down to a gentle chuckle. Less deranged and more like himself. “He was a weak man. I did him a favor.”

Then, he pushes himself from his desk to stand right in front of Qrow, the man leaning back in his chair as his boss approaches.

A gloved hand, white and pristine, never needing to work a day in its life, gently cups his scruffy cheek as Ozpin offers him a warm smile.

“Like I said before, today is a day for happiness. No longer will that man be in charge of this business or my life, and no longer will I be harmed. It’s as simple as that.” He practically purrs as he pats Qrow’s cheek. “But it is very sweet of you to worry about me, darling.”

Qrow leans into the touch. “I’m always worried about you, Oz.”

“I know.”

Ah. There it is. That rare expression. Gentle eyes and soft smiles. Ozpin makes himself comfortable atop Qrow’s lap, easily wrapping his arms around his lover.

“I love your loyalty almost as much as I love you~”

Qrow will never know how he appealed to Ozpin like this. He felt nothing for no one. But…maybe he doesn’t need to know.

Maybe he doesn’t want to know.

Ignorance is bliss, after all.

[chiptrillino-art]

(ID in ALT text)

just some kuruk tests

[frownyalfred]

a random socialite at a fundraiser: you know Bruce, that boy of yours is getting to be a little too pretty. heh.

Bruce Wayne, who was also "too pretty" at fourteen and is absolutely ready to castrate anyone who even looks at Dick directly: oh?

[abstractfrog]

Happy 1 year anniversary to Mr Sherlock Holmes! Here's a litttleee celebratory comic from me

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

[introspectivememories]

was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The girls are back (from the grave)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[asfodeltide]

[7iffer]

Ravage...

[heartorbit]

find another role, carry on the show

[vanmarkus]

⚡️ 9-1-1 • S3E15 || S6E10 ⚡️

[soosoosoup]

Chord Striker Au by @thatbennybee

[krazieka2]

Fe3h did not have a beauty pageant sequence, but if it did I'm 99% sure this is how it would go

[ghoulsteak]

meal prep

[itsscottiesstark]

I didn't think that we would still have to remind people that David Tennant and Michael Sheen don't owe us an explanation for Neil's actions. They are under no obligation to speak up, comment on it or discuss the situation publicly. Chances are they knew as much about it as we did a little over a month ago. Being quiet about it is not weird or suspicious. It's none of their business.

[egophiliac]

Hi it's just to let you know that the official romanization of Revaan's name is Raverne ! Also they have romanized Baul's name to Baur !

Twst coming back at us again with the least expected romanization! thank you everybody (oh god my inbox) (no it's great, I literally asked for this and the reactions have been INCREDIBLE, thank you all!)

I do like Raverne though, I think it's got a nice fancy sound to it! (I had kinda suspected it was going to be an R instead of an L, so the fact that it's SO close to Laverne except for that is hilarious to me personally.) and Dragoneye Duke is honestly probably the best translation for his title, I wasn't envying the localizers that one. :') Baur instead of Baul I was NOT expecting, but in retrospect I think his name's supposed to be a reference to the Bauru crocodile, so that actually makes way more sense!

someone else also said Meleanor has become Maleanor, which is the REALLY weird one to me, because I was so surprised it was written as Mel instead of Mal in the first place?! oh god no I can't decide which one I like better. 😭 (I wonder if they might change it to Mal...they have made romanization changes before) (like I remember House of Distraction being corrected to House of Destruction in Playful Land) (I did check and she's still Mel for now, but I dunno, they might Mal her up and some point and save me from having to make a decision about which one to use) (HECK I CAN'T DECIDE)

uhhhh thank you for letting me ramble about anime names, let's just say MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS FOR EVERYONE