#support your local punk scene

[des-herbes-folles]

[retrograde-raven]

I was at a hardcore show on Halloween and through a combination of vodka, weed, the holiday, my costume, gender, and just the general vibe I gained a better understanding of what it means and I'm going to try and explain it now.

Punk shows (not hardcore shows), are about fighting. They're about moving your body and taking up space and doing what you want without being afraid of falling because you know if you fall the people around you will help you up. The pit is about Community.

Hardcore shows are also about fighting, but in a different way. Hardcore shows are about getting low and dirty and fighting for your life because if you don't you'll get trampled. They're about taking up space because your space is all you have. At a hardcore show you don't worry about falling down because if you fall down you pick yourself up and keep on swinging. The pit is about You.

Both Punk and hardcore create catharsis. It's a release of built up energy--fear, anger, sadness--you can channel all of that into the pit and have a better time for it. Shows are a great way to find strength and get more comfortable with moving your body. But they do that in different ways. Punk helps you find strength in your community. Hardcore helps you find strength in yourself.

[tankgiirll]

beef the cat, doctor strange record store

[disabled-dragoon]

Information regarding the UK riots

If you're worried about the riots right now and are concerned for your safety, the safety of friends and loved ones or the safety of other members of your local community, here are a few posts, organisations and social medias that may help. Feel free to add any others that you know of in the notes.

Posts:

This post by @lovelysakuryay with information on what to do if you are the victim of an attack, as well some information on helplines, mental health services and some charities you can reach out to and/or donate to (which will be listed in the section below)

A list of fundraisers for people and communities impacted by the Southport attack and far-right riots. Post by @octarineblues

Post by @northern-punk-lad listing the times and locations of riots on Wednesday 7th August.

Organisations:

Exit Hate: Helping people and their family to walk away from extremism.

Stop Hate UK: 24 hour hate-crime reporting hotline

Migrant Voice: A charity that helps migrants advocate for themselves.

Refugee Action: Helps refugees to rebuild their lives.

North East Anarchist Group: Some information regarding locations of planned far-right riots on their social media, as well information regarding the location of counter protests in the north east of England.

Green and Black Cross: A "grassroots activist legal support group". They offer "know your rights" training courses, as well as information on your rights as a protester and interacting with the police and staying safe. Find them on instagram as well under @gbclegal.

Netpol: Or, the Network for Police Monitoring. A good organisation to look into regarding protest rights and legal resources.

Migrants Organise: Provides a platform for migrants to organise. Offers advice and support, as well as access to grassroots organising, research, advocacy and campaigning.

The Anthony Walker Foundation: Local anti-hate group in Merseyside.

Note from @octarineblues:

"This is a bit more useful for larger towns/cities, but: a local BLM group will also have up to date info! Antifacist or anti-raids group as well - they will often have access to good info and they are already used to reacting quickly."

Social Medias:

It's worth checking your town/local area's social media pages (if they exist) for information regarding possible planned riots and destruction. There may also be one or more pages regarding news in your county/constituency.

Additional social media pages:

@ukisnotinnocent on Instagram. A group "mobilising against fascism" across the UK, providing updates on the riots as well as information on the locations of planned violence and staying safe while counter protesting. CW: There are some shocking videos and images on here which depict some of the violent scenes seen lately.

@monitoringgroupne_n on Instagram. A group that shares updates, information and concerns regarding the policing and fascism in the North and North East of England. Including sharing information on the location of planned riots, some information on counter protests and staying safe while protesting.

@standuptoracismuk on Instagram. A good resource for riot times and locations, as well as counter protest times, locations, information and footage.

@ukfactcheckpolitics on Instagram. A page dedicated to "exposing government corruption". Great for quick news and updates regarding both riots and counter protests. Like @ukisnotinnocent, they do share videos and images as well, the contents of which can be shocking.

Also, I've noticed that a lot of groups protesting the ongoing genocide in gaza have been very vocally against the far-right riots and have been sharing some information alongside their usual stuff. If you know of a local encampment/group, it's worth searching for their social media.

It's worth checking the lists of people that the listed groups follow on social media as well for more information regarding riots across the country.

Please, please share any more that you know of/find, and I'll update this as and when I can.

Stay safe everyone <3

[genderqueerdykes]

So recently I’ve been getting into the punk culture, but I can’t dress punk or listen to punk music because I have adhd and it triggers my sensory issues. Do I have to wear punk clothes or listen to punk music to be considered punk? How “punk” do I have to look or act to be considered punk?

good question!

fortunately there's no dress codes or anything like that for the community. most punks don't really even dress punk- a lot of people who behave in very punk ways wear plain clothes. many librarians, food kitchen workers, homeless outreach workers, social workers, and other people are punk and dress just as plain as anyone around them

punk is in the behavior and the beliefs- if you behave in a way where you actively break down oppressive structures that we participate in on a daily basis and learn to accept and help our communities and the people who are most heavily affected by that oppression (people of color, mentally ill people, neurodivergent people, addicts, homeless people, sex workers, intersex people, trans people, poor people), you are fitting the part

i also don't listen to a lot of punk music due to sensory issues from autism, so don't feel too bad. i did listen to quite a bit when i was living in a house venue, but it's not something i seek out on my own due to my sensory problems with sound. it's not necessary to be into the punk music scene unless that's something you actively want to participate in and enjoy. many people are just in the punk music scene and that's totally okay. some people really enjoy that, and some don't. artists will express in what ways they see fit, and others will focus their attention elsewhere. there are many ways to be punk

the only way to not be punk is to be a nazi, cop, or other type of fascist- being racist, queerphobic, ableist, intersexist and their enablers is also a great way to not be punk.

many punks are punk in the sense where they do their best to be their for their local community, provide resources and aid where possible, teach others to unlearn racism, queerphobia, ableism and other forms of internalized oppression, and generally try to provide a helping hand to whoever may need it. many punks hand out water and snacks to homeless people in their area. many punks are nurses. many punks work in social services to help disabled and homeless people. many punks dedicate their time to helping the environment, learning how to sustainably garden and take care of the earth while doing so, compost, and other ways to provide sustainable, responsibly and ethically sourced foods

there are punks all around us, even if they're not dressed in battle jackets and ripped jeans with chains and spikes and patches and pins. sometimes a punk is the person standing on the sidewalk in a T-shirt and jeans smoking a cigarette, but you'll never be able to guess or tell just by looking that they spend hours out of their week participating in protests and writing anarchist zines. much like any other group of people there's no way to tell if someone is punk just by looking at them or gauging their interests- it's about how they behave and how they treat people around them

dismantling structures that are designed to keep marginalized and targeted people down is what the punk community is about. you don't have to be an activist, either- as long as you take the time to learn how to treat demonized and outcasted people with decency and respect, and how to support your community in whatever ways you can, you're doing what you're supposed to do. you don't have to volunteer or spend hours handing out resources to people in need. but what is important is to refuse to participate in holding down people who cause no harm who are just trying to live their lives

hope that helps! feel free to ask any more questions you may have

[endcant]

save a bastion for queer culture in a famously hateful city

i’ll try to write a shorter and sweeter post about this later, but for now i will just beg at length.

there is a town near me called Murfreesboro where at various points they have banned or attempted to ban public homosexuality, drag, and pride flags. for a time their county’s youth incarceration rate was 48% (contrasted with the rest of the state at 5%) due to corruption in their local courts system. every juvenile case that made it to the wrong judge resulted in the child being sent to jail, because the county commissioner thought it’d be “cool” if the jail was a “profit center” (yes these are his actual words). these are just a few examples but suffice it to say, this is a very difficult place to grow up, especially for LGBT kids.

despite all of this difficulty, the area has a remarkable alternative music scene with a few small venues where queer people and young people who don’t fit in elsewhere can genuinely have fun and feel safe for the night. despite the city’s reputation, queer people in the broader area flock to the town for raves and DIY shows. in this area, music culture is intertwined with queer culture and leftist efforts to a much greater degree than i’m used to as somebody from the middle of california.

i really admire the venues and event organizers that cultivate a safe spaces like this in a place where it is decidedly unsafe for queer people, and where the youth are constantly in danger of having their lives ruined for totally arbitrary reasons.

this is why it breaks my heart that murfreesboro is trying to shut down a venue called The Graveyard Gallery. the graveyard gallery is a place where a ton of events are constantly held for lgbt, furry, and alternative communities. it is one of very few alternative places in the broader nashville area where i have felt really, truly safe and welcome as a person of color.

most recently, The Graveyard Gallery has come under attack for attempting to hold a Trans Day of Visibility punk show, with the apt title “Trans Day of Vengeance”. Conservative media, both local and national, directed the attention of their audiences towards this event, calling it “tone deaf” to have it on easter, and to have it sort-of-kind-of-close-to-but-not-quite-on the anniversary of the shooting in nashville. All of this, of course, ignoring that the date for TDoV was set in 2009, and that this was a small DIY punk show that really bore no threat to anybody. the show had to be canceled because of credible death threats, so it didn’t even happen, but that hasn’t appeased anybody.

in the wake of this, murfreesboro’s fire marshal has suddenly decided that the building is not acceptable for occupancy and it has to close immediately and for the forseeable future. people can claim it’s unrelated, but i’ve known people to have their businesses suddenly declined by fire marshals due to sheer bigotry before, and shitty towns will just use their fire marshal to bankrupt small business owners that they don’t like. i do not speak for the owners of the gallery on this front, but i personally believe that these things are related.

all this is to say, the graveyard gallery needs to raise money for their legal fees over this matter. this venue is very important to a lot of people, and may be even more important now that the city’s music scene is in the crosshairs of massive conservative media companies.

if you can donate please do, and if you can share this, please do that as well.

thank you for taking the time to read my post. i know there’s a lot going on in the world, but music venues are where people here gather, and music venues are often also a place where people organize to make meaningful change and promote causes that i know most of you would approve of. music is at the heart of this community, and the venues are where the music lives.

[incorrectbatfam]

I h3ad cannon athat all the batfam members have had/are still in their emo/goth phases.

Example:

Bruce dressed as a bat and punches criminals at night (I also head cannon that he listens to the rolling stones and MCR)

Anyways thoughts?

Also what were the other batfam members emo/goth phases like?

Dick: He was hella neurotic in his late Robin/early Nightwing days. That plus his mullet and guitar tells me he probably tried to live out of a used van he bought for $700 after a fight with Bruce only to come home a week later when someone knocked on his window.

Jason: He's the theater/classic lit goth. When he was younger he would read by the glow of a candelabra even though the lights work perfectly fine. Post-resurrection, he graduates to the biker anarchist who has no problem launching a molotov at a CEO's mansion.

Tim: He's from the 90s. He's sitting in that Y2K grunge-emo-punk gray area where his playlist is a mix of the Clash, Nirvana, and Green Day. He's coloring his hair with Kool-Aid, playing with makeup, ripping his own clothes, and talking about new songs on AOL.

Damian: He's aiming for dark academia, but that's hard to pull off if you know what American schools look like. He annotates the margins of his books with notes he thinks are insightful but are actually just basic observations. Also he listens to Imagine Dragons.

Duke: This kid isn't emo or goth, he is a punk through and through. Sassing the cops? Jumping off a bridge? Leading a ragtag vigilante team? If he wanted to, I bet he can pull off a leather jacket with some homemade spikes while blasting Bad Brains and Death.

Cullen: Canonically, he watches anime and Supernatural, and I've made a lot of Tumblr references with him. He's definitely your quintessential 2010s emo nerd—Black Parade, fandoms, the whole shabang. He also definitely followed Dan and Phil.

Stephanie: She strikes me as the early 2000s pop-punker—think MySpace and Avril Lavigne. She probably had a Not Like Other Girls phase that she quickly grew out of. I can see her cutting posters out of magazines and sneaking her MP3 under an oversized hoodie.

Cassandra: She canonically listens to Killswitch Engage, so I like to imagine what she was like as a baby metalhead. Maybe she thrifted a Pantera shirt and chopped her hair with safety scissors. And at concerts she's absolutely up front when the wall of death happens.

Barbara: I think she dabbled in a little bit of everything without ever outwardly expressing it. Her playlist is all over the board, from softer rock to screamo. She also experimented with makeup a little, like black lipstick, and is more involved in the activism side of things.

Harper: She's definitely industrial punk with a huge emphasis on the DIY aspect of the subculture. She strings soda tabs into chains, turns old screws into boot spikes, and even learned to give herself tattoos. She also absolutely has a drawer full of patch pants.

Carrie: She's a TikTok e-girl, leaning into the pinks and purples along with black and white. She turns fishnet leggings into gloves and has a bunch of animal ear headbands. She also listens to Melanie Martinez and Tame Impala regardless of if they count as alternative.

Kate: Queer people play a huge role in the punk scene and vice versa. I can absolutely see Kate jamming out to an early Pansy Division track or searching places like Bandcamp to support smaller indie artists. Also she has a jacket that says "Nazi punks fuck off."

Alfred: Before punk and its subgenres, Alfred was canonically a delinquent and in that day, delinquency meant gelled-up hair and moving like Elvis. The hair didn't work out for him, but he was able to catch one of the first shows Buddy Holly played in London.

Selina: Alt cultures are based on not having much and working with what you got. Selina would use the five-finger discount at big-box stores and save her money to support small businesses. She also went around listening to free local rock shows on Fridays.

Bruce: He listened to the Rolling Stones before, but his first real intro to the scene was a handmade zine he found on the floor at school. From there, he explored more underground artists and took up journaling as a way to vent his feelings. And then: Batman.

[rural-punk-realness]

What is Rural Punk?

i have decided to coin a new phrase for a subculture and movement that i have seen people take place in but not give a name.

I do not just mean punks who live in rural areas, although they very much as included.

Rural Punk is a term I use for the lifestyle of minorities who are isolated from others, as well as resources they need to live. This can mean people living in literally rural areas but also people who are kept separated from their necessary support structures and resources. People like this often stick out like a sour thumb and their existence alone is seen as being alternative and going against polite society, making them "punk" even if they don't dress punk or listen to the music. This is a separate subculture from the music scene, though i am sure it will overlap. This movement is designed to include and center the voices of People of Color, as they are often ingnored when discussing rural and southern environments.

How do i be rural punk? heres some rules and examples

be anti-authoritarian

think of that guy in your town who knows where all the speed traps and cop hiding spots are

dont report people for drug usage. That person going to prison wont fix anything

protest when injustice happens in your community

don't report shop lifters

2. honor and respect nature

dont litter

reduce, reuse, recycle. DIY is an essential part of punk

document nature around you via drawing, painting or photography

be kind to animals

3. serve your fellow man

volunteer

advocate for others

listen to people talking about their experiences

speak up for, not over

vote in local elections

4. try to make your community better by spreading inclusivity and acceptance in hostile places

lgbtq+ clubs

organizing Black history events, especially if it's illegal to cover in school in your state

book clubs with diverse authors

[studsandswords]

i made this as a reply to a repost of one of my own posts but i think its important enough to be its own post

If you want to be punk, listen to the music first, its incredibly diverse with diferent sub genres like hardcore, crust, D beat, power violence, street punk, oi, queercore, Anarcho-punk and riot grrrl.

IMPORTANT- listen to local punk bands and support your local scene and community

band recomendations-

-Black flags -Bad brains -Minor threat -Capitalist casualties -Circle jerks -Crass -Dead kennedies - DIscharge - Doom -Dystopia- Electro hippies- GBH - Nausia - No consent -Operation ivy -Subhumans -Zulu

For the dress sense, there are a ton of DIY vidoes on the internet. Don't buy anything expensive like those £200 jackets on the internet, they're a rip off. If you want to make patches, Anarcho-stencilism has a subreddit and deviant art full with stencils and a guide on how to make patches. Thrift stores are where its at for clothes since they're cheep

If you want to be punk, having the ethos is very important too. Anarchist politics(like mutual aid, squating and general anti-state/capitalst action) are very linked to punk as well as anti-fascism.

Don't be afraid of doing things wrong, we're very accepting in the punk community, as long as you don't give in to consumerism, listen to the music and support left wing(actual left wing not like democrats) politics then your likely to get along with almost everyone.

And beware of TikTok, theres alot of flase info on there and people who give bad advice.

Be gay do crime

(Im not an authority on punk, take this all with a pinch of salt. if you disagree with me on anything thats valid, punk has been around for a while now which means its gonna contradict itself sometimes and different people are gonna have different opinions on it since it is a living and evolving subculture)

[rayssyscourse]

why are we making syscourse a punk thing: an unedited ramble

no seriously. maybe I'm missing something but why are we all fighting about whether punk is pro or anti endo? the answer is no, it's neither. I'm very punk irl, fairly involved in my local scene, have been for around two years, and I can assure you that punk and syscourse are just... really not related. i mean, I can understand both sides--people who think endos are being ableist can make the case of "I'm punk, so I'm anti ableism", likewise pro endos can make the case of "I'm punk, so I think everyone's identity is valid"--but there's no black and white answer because, simply put, this is just unrelated. again, I can see how, if you're punk, you might use the punk ethos to explain your viewpoint, but for the love of god, please stop taking the label "punk" and trying to twist it to make a completely unrelated argument?? also, the only "argument" this strategy seems to be making is that (pro)endos/anti endos 'arent punk', which is stupid. for one thing, it's not a crime to not be punk, and it's completely absurd to just assume everybody is/wants to be punk (the entire POINT is to go AGAINST the mainstream, not to become it). and second, this is the exact behavior of those punks who go around calling everyone else a poser just to jerk themselves off about how much "more punk" they are. and that's not very punk, now is it? also also: punk is more than just an abstract set of beliefs. those are obviously very important to punk, but just holding those values doesn't (necessarily) make you punk. go outside, hit up your local scene, jump in a mosh put or something, and you'll realize that punk is a community, punk is a people, far more than it is an abstract moral code. seriously, my life took a turn for the better when I got into actual punk music and culture, because it was the tight knit and supportive community that I needed at the time. nobody sat down and drilled me about my every little opinion on everything. we just play loud music and fuck around and curb stomp bigots. i can guarantee everyone fighting under this tag would be much better off actually engaging in the punk community instead of arbitrarily arguing about it online.

sorry to ramble folks! but this was driving me insane, so I'm only like half sorry

[kawasorix]

I'm not here anymore but I'm still adding 2024 songs to this playlist if anyone's interested! It's almost 10 hours of (more or less) alternative post-punk music. Great summer to you all, don't forget to support your local scene!

[deadcryptiid]

Interview with Euronymous for Morbid Magazine 1987

You had planned a tour in Italy, what will happen now that Manheim is gone?

Euro: We'll just use Torben. But the tour will be in December instead of August as first planned. This is for several reasons.

Does Maniac use distortion on his vocals or is his voice natural?

Euro: Maniac's voice is actually natural! When I first heard him I was sure that he used distortion, but he don't. You can hear that on the demo/record, because he and Messiah use the same mike together! But I think he uses some ki nd of space effect.

How do you manage to play so fast?

Euro: Well, you know that the more practice you get the faster it goes, and we've played for three years, now. But we don't play fast compared to bands like Napalm Death! They're fast!

Has your demo sold well?

Euro: We've sold some, but most people prefer to wait for the record, I think. We've sold a couple of hundred records, even before it's out!

Are any record labels interested to make a deal with you?

Euro: I don't know.We haven't tried to get a deal yet. We recently got a letter from some label called Thunder Records. They wanted a demo so I sent them one. But except from that we haven't sent out any demo to record companies at all.A lot of people have told us that we'd get a deal easily, but we hate record companies. If we'd sign a deal, we'd loose all control. Now we do everything ourself, distribution, promotions and stuff, on our own label called "Posercorpse Music, Inc. "If we sign a deal, we might get much better distribution and more money, but still we prefer to do things ourself. I mean, which rec. company would print our lyrics? However, if we one day do sign a deal, I doubt that it will be more than a one or two record deal.

Were do people that buy your demo come from?

Euro: From all of the world.We've even got a lot of letters from strange places like Japan, Australia, Poland, Chile and Peru!

What do you think of the Norwegian thrash scene?

Euro: It sucks, but I think it starts to build up now. More and more people seem to become active in the scene which I think is good. One thing which also is good is that punks and thrashers now start uniting. But I think that more girls should get into the scene! I know about just 5-6 of them here in this country. However, the Norwegian scene has alot of suckers!It is people who just walk around, thinking "I listen to Slayer, I'm hard!" and we also have those who make crooked use on bands and others, I'm not going to mention any names, but this is Bad!

Do you feel that many people buy your demo after they have read a Fanzine with you in it?

Euro: Yeah, I think that's the way most people get to know about us. We've also been played on lots of local radios everywhere, but it's deffinetly the fanzines who make most of the promotion.

What music do you listen to?

Euro: Personally I listen a lot to electronic syntheziser music like Klaus Schule, Tangerine Dream, Conrad Schnitzler and Brian Eno. I also listen to lots of thrash and some hardcore. But, NO disco shit, pop music or HM.

What do you think about Vomit and the music they play?

Euro: They rule! Their new stuff is so great! To be honest, I think they're better than us! They're really great guys. When Manheim left us they lent us Torben and they let us come to practice at their rehearsalplace every weekend. That's a cool attitude. Support them! They will have a new demo out this autumn.

You visited Kreator some time ago, how did they react when they first heard you?

Euro: The German thrashers are psychos! At that time we had only released "P.F.A" demo, and a lot of them loved it! Then you have to be sick!

You've got some help from Metalion of Slayer Mag. what do you think of him and the Fanzine?

Euro: Metalion is a fucking great guy and our best friend. If it haden't been for him....... The Deathcrush record is dedicated to him, and he truly deserves it! His 'zine is one of the best ive seen and also definitely the sickest.

[rawvnoisevcruster]

(I'm finally doing the thing I said I'd do)

How to be punk

Distros! Distros! Distro!

What are they, why are they integral to punk, and why I love them

1. What is a "distro"? A in the punk scene (although not exclusive to punk) is a store/seller that distributes merch and or jewelry whether official or bootleg. They can be both done my a physical shop/seller or more now a days a online store front. Often time a distro makes there own products but some will sell office merch or will act as a hub for the artists items or sell general items ie, studs, laces, non band shirts, etc

2. Why I think there good, first it's good to support non music artists in the scene. They make are gear, shirt, tapes, and big bags of studs, they are a big help to people who can't diy certain items, bands to sell merch, and artists to make a life of there art, and its just a great way to get shit you like. Diy or die and all that but we'd all be hypocrites if we said we'd never bought a band shirt, or a bag of studs or a pin. Plus the quality and craftsmanship ship of these item is much more professional as these people specialize and have heavy duty equipment for there products

3. But where do I look? First (if you live near a major city) look around your scene and see if there are ones near you, support your local scene first if you can.

If not there look online as there are many online. I find it best to look on ig/Facebook/Twitter as many have a social media, then look through recommends, mentions in there posts, other shops they follow, and the such.

Next try etsy, there's a large amount of them on etsy as it's a great hub for distros, look up for specific band or items like "black flag patch" or "cone stud belt" and look for one you like a check out the shop for stuff you might also like.

It just a thing you need to set aside some time and you will learn some

But I'm going to tell you some now (note you might need to add distro or etsy at the end of these to find them) I'll be making more of these up the note distro list

Black squeegee

Maggot death

Flip the record

Pin up 77

Celtic rockers

Insult to injury

Grindfather

Machine cuisine

Drunk with a press

Pogo shop

Portland distro

Crust punk dot com

Punk tribe

Pin head

Iron lung

Cash 4 chaos

Tank crimes

Head noise

Black crow

Gay Halloween

Criminal medals

Chaos tribes

(Tw for sh reference in the name but this distro is super cool)

Slit wrist distro

Please like and reblog

I hope you have a nice time with this and stay punk you fuck

[polyamorouspunk]

Let’s Talk.

My name is Punk.

This isn’t the name I chose.

This is the name that was given to me by this community.

And for the first time this year this is the name I’ve started using in real life too.

I’m 24 years old. I turn 25 in a few weeks. I’m undecided on whether or not I want to live to see it.

In December of 2021 the person I regarded as the love of my life, my soulmate, despite being polyamorous broke up with me, dashing our plans to get married and move in together around… well, around 25.

From there I fell in with someone eccentric. Some of you knew him as Catboy. I knew him as the ex porn star, married man trying to get a divorce with a newborn kid he didn’t know was his or not that was born while we were together.

Many of you sat around and listened to me talk about how amazing he was and how much he hurt me. Many of you told me that this was an unhealthy situation for me. Many of you told me to break it off. And eventually I did. And that was with your support.

I spent the next few years lamenting being single and how much it sucked with some toxic BPD things in between like one FP I had a crush on acting like we were friends and making plans with me only to turn around and basically call me a psycho? But we’re on good terms again now so it’s fine I guess? Yeah.

Up until about a year ago when I reconnected with my gf, who I never really lost touch with. She was always there in the background, but she’s in the spotlight now.

Around this time I found my latest FP, the lead singer of a somewhat popular band. I started the year off strong. I was on top of the world. I was talking to the lead singer of this band almost every day, and it was amazing!

During this time I started feeling myself a little more. I gained a confidence I think I had lost. If you’ve seen literally any pictures of me over this year you probably know what I mean. And I liked the attention I was getting on here.

Around this time I made it out to my first local show. I have a reputation on here, after all, and it was unheard of for a punk blog like me to not even be active in his own scene! But I always had an excuse. I was tired. I had work. Chronic pain day. It was always something.

This is where we introduce our first of two characters in the life of Punk this year, a girl I dubbed ⚡️ on here.

When I first saw ⚡️ I was enraptured.

I have screenshots of the messages I sent Key that night talking about how enthralled with her I was and how I had watched her all night. I even have messages from Key from when I went back to the venue to see if I could find her and winded up taking home a Green Day patch and pin instead. Three guesses as to where those wound up if you follow Key’s blog at all.

But nothing happened and instead I connected with someone on here. And that was going well until it wasn’t going well anymore. And I cussed them out and took a week of this blog. That’s about when things started to go downhill.

Frustrated at everything I turned to dating apps and that’s where I met 🔮. If you’ve been following this story at all you might know that when I first met up with 🔮 I thought that she was ⚡️. I stand by my right to say this was an easy mistake to make. Ignore the 7 year age gap.

Upon realizing that 🔮 was not in fact ⚡️, my response, of course, as the fucking polyamorous punk was wow! TWO punk girls? What a deal! (Yeah fucking right).

I went on one date with 🔮 and then she invited me to my first house show (party) at her boyfriend’s venue (house). There I smoked weed for the first time. I had always wanted to treat smoking weed my first time like losing my virginity. Someone holding my hand through it and checking in on me. That did not happen. I went home without saying goodbye and from there things devolved. 🔮 told me that she didn’t want to see me outside of the scene, and that she needed space. So, utterly devastated I’d had my heart broken less than a month after the fucking last time I spiraled badly. Started self harming. Considering killing myself a lot. I’m sure you know. You were probably there for it.

It was during this period I ended up finding ⚡️ again. And so I told her that I had a crush on her and that I wanted help fixing things with 🔮 because I wasn’t over her. And then she ghosted me. Because why not I guess lmao. And honestly? I had an air of wanting to ruin things with her too anyway. Because what was the fucking point.

And then one fateful day in July the week after I came home from one of my numerous trips back to CT to keep myself as sane as fucking possible and heal the emotional damage I was constantly being dealt from my BPD and feelings of rejection by going to spend time with people who actually fucking loved and cared about me I attended a movie night at the venue where all of this started in the first place knowing full well there was a good chance I was going to run into one of them. And I did.

And so ⚡️ and I sat together. And we talked. And it was. Electric. It seems funny I chose ⚡️ represent her.

There was a spark and an energy between us I couldn’t deny. And yet, it wasn’t going anywhere.

So I had let it go. Because what was the point of chasing ghosts.

I let it go until one night in August after- wait for it- another trip back to CT I sat around her living room with all her friends and she was the only person I knew until 🔮 showed up. And everyone got drunk and I realized while I had spent months hurting myself, considering killing myself, wondering if I needed to commit myself because of all the fucking emotional PAIN I was in, that these girls were going around to clubs looking for dates and hookups. And I realized how fucking traumatizing the past few months had been for me. I know that probably seems obvious but I mean it when I say I really didn’t realize until I was standing in my kitchen talking to Kai (fangsup-cobrastyle) about how fucked up I was. I mean that well and truly.

And I realized that how is someone supposed to realize how I feel if I didn’t tell them. So I did. I wrote a letter to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head and I addressed it to ⚡️ and disclosed I had no idea if I would even give it to her or not. But I did. And she read it.

And she sat me down and told me she had no idea the extent of how much I was hurting, and that she felt like 🔮 had done the same to her. Which surprised me. I mean, they were best friends. But yeah, I guess if one of them was infatuated with the other and that one was just dragging them along… no wonder they seemed so close.

I looked down at my lap and out at the gas station across the street and asked her if I was crazy in saying that I saw the way she looked at me, the way she acted around me… she said I wasn’t, but she wasn’t in a place for a relationship. I got it. I understood. And I came back with telling her that if she didn’t want to be my girlfriend then I didn’t want that either- but I didn’t not want to be with her either.

She told me that she had shit to sort out. She was a poor broke college student that had lost her job and was trying to make rent on the lease in her punk house. So I threw her some money. I didn’t expect anything back. I just wanted to help. And I told her fine if she wasn’t my girlfriend then she could at least be my sugar baby.

So we’re. Seeing each other. Now. I guess. Or at least I thought we were until like. Last night. Oh boy last night.

Girl went missing over the weekend and had the worst weekend of her life. I had no idea she was missing. She had stood me up and while I was half expecting it, by the time it had been a few days I had slide back into splitting on her, right up until she told me she had to go for a few days. So I said that was fine and I just wanted her to be safe.

*looks into the camera like I’m on the office*

Chat she was not safe. Like at all. In fact she was decidedly UNsafe, and I had no idea because I was like clearly the girl needs space I’ll give her some space. So yeah. Went missing. Had an ordeal. Got back Sunday or yesterday.

Even before I had learned all this I had wanted to ask if I could come over so we could talk more about things between us, and she told me she would think about it depending on how she felt after the show last night. Well. She decided to get a ride from 🔮 instead because 🔮 had things to get from her house. And if you know someone with BPD you know that they do not react well when they target of their affection quite literally chooses someone who is basically competition over them. So yeah. Spiraled hard last night. Cried about it a lot both on here and irl to someone from the scene. Someone who kept it real with me as someone who also has BPD.

Someone else reached out to me from the scene and I ended up telling them what happened too.

So where does that leave me now.

Well.

I had wanted so badly to come home to you all and tell you that I was finally… happy. That I had another relationship in the works. With an amazing girl. And that’s not not true.

I kept it on the downlow because we didn’t agree to anything official, and it didn’t feel fair to announce a relationship that didn’t exist yet.

So now where that leaves me is having sent her a message last night telling her that what she did really hurt my feelings, having a mutual friend offer to tell her to get in touch with me while I guess I just sit back and wait and see where I go from here.

I had been keeping this on the downlow irl too for a variety of reasons. One, and I cannot exaggerate enough, this girl is THE fucking queen bee of the scene. She has the ultimate clout. And I’m not sure I want to be advertising that within the scene itself. Second, I worried that if people saw how much I was being distressed over my situationship with her it might lead to them resenting her, and I didn’t want that. What I want is for us to have a cute if ultimately doomed-to-fail relationship that’s fun while it lasts. And that’s why I’m also intentionally leaving a lot of things out. Because I don’t want that to happen here. I want to make it very clear: no one caused me to choose the actions I did with self harm and self sabotage. Just because my feelings over these people are what led me to take those action does NOT mean that they are in any way responsible. It is VERY important for me as a person with BPD to stress this. My actions and my feelings are my own responsibility. No one “caused” me to spiral and self harm. They are not bad people. I do not blame them. Someone fucking me over romantically is not a justification to blame them for my own SH actions. And I want people to realize that if anyone tries to blame them for their own self harm. You are never responsible or liable for someone else’s actions. If someone tries to blame that shit on you you need to tread VERY carefully.

Do I have fucking adorable pictures of my sugar baby on my phone? Yes. Would I love to post them on here some day and tease her about them? Yes. She is still my cute little uwu crusty punk roadkill drowned rat motherfucker and in my own BPD way I still love and am in love with her. I mean it when I say I do not want my own negative feelings towards any of this to reflect badly on her and that my end goal is to still be a cute toxic yuri couple.

So yeah that’s. That’s what’s been up, honestly. And it feels good to get it off my fucking chest finally, even if it’s not how I wanted it to go. And I’ll keep everyone updated.

The last few months have been very hard for me. The support I’ve gotten here has kept me going when I’m not sure I could have kept going otherwise. If you’ve ever wondered if you’ve made a difference in someone’s lives I want you to read this and know unequivocally that the answer is yes and I am proof.

I love you all. Stay safe. Please do not fucking go missing and almost die.

-Punk

ps. playlist for this post (bc y not)

Bonus tracks:

[mr-laveau]

Ayo it's your boy, uhh, skinny penis- bitch you know who tf it is hi munchkin <3 xoxo

What's your listener's name and nickname? Sweetheart, name pending,,,,

What's their backstory? As you may or may not remember - My SH is Afro-Latinx, from an empowered family. The previous generation (their parents) called out DUMP on mistreatment of human born and unempowered humans (being detained, lack of jobs and representation) which started a whole commotion for the treatment of everyone but empowered humans (feeders, humanborn, and unempowered humans) and led to restructuring of DUMP. Think if there was a magical civil rights act and equal employment act. Anyway, my SH comes into play when DUMP catches them in the wrong place/wrong time and some higher ups think this is the perfect moment for revenge - either SH goes to jail and destroys their family's upright reputation and a family member's run for office OR they work for DUMP as a way to keep an eye on the family. They hate every second of it and face a lot of pressure to conform (gender presentation wise, accepting smart comments about being a stealth and some other microaggressions) but they want to protect their family.

What's the desired aesthetic of your listener character (punk, greaser, bimbo, scene kid, schoolgirl)? I'm feeling make noir sexy again. Like if you made a 1940s mafia boss in modern day and VERY sexy but also stylish. Gotta keep up with fresh to death did you see my ice Milo Greer. Pinstripes, suspenders, harnesses/holsters, etc. But like also in a bring your own gender I don't trust your gender with raisins in it kind of way.

What's your listener's gender presentation like? Yeah so gender as in mind your business. Androgynous as in I do what I want. It's masc, it's femme, it's ambiguous, it's all of the above. Really the point is constantly serving hot girl (gn) shit and looking super sexy next to Milo. They're that super hot stylish couple everyone wishes at least a little bit they dressed like because it looks effortless. My SH uses they/them pronouns and identifies as queer as in what's it to you (or genderfluid!)

What's your listener's ethnicity? Afro-Latinx! I wanted a listener who could dance bachata, okay? They're Dominican.

What's your listener's age? Ummmmmm. I think about the same age as Milo, maybe a year older? So 31 this year.

What's your listener's body type/build? Taller than Milo for SURE, I think they're like tall-tall. Like at least 5'10. Also they're a dancer and a runner (investigator things) (perhaps they were even a track star) so they've got a tall, muscular kind of body type - but don't be afraid to give them some body fat! They're strong!

What's your listener's star sign? Taurus!

What are your listener's most important relationships and who are they connected to? Their most important relationships are for SURE with their family. Since dating Milo, they finally told their family why they started working for DUMP (lots of anxiety but they were met with a lot of support and love). They are super close to their family (which is a big extended family, lots of aunt and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews and so on) and so they spend lots of time at family dinners/parties/celebrations and love to bring Milo with them. Because their family (unintentionally at first) became so politically active in Dahlia for the rights of human-born, unempowered humans, and feeders, they have a lot of political connections through their own work and through their family members - definitely in a well connected family!

What's your listener's hobbies/interests? They love to dance - big inspiration for them. They like partner dances and particularly love Bachata (something something fond memories watching their parents and family dance together and learning as they grew up) but they just like to dance in general. You will be catching them at Zumba classes at the local gym with the aunties and grandmas. They're also really connected to community events - there was a lot of distrust created by them joining DUMP and so they are really invested in their community service and improving their community. They loooove to cook, but they're a "let's cook together" not "I'm cooking get out of the kitchen" kind of person. Definitely a food experimenter and sometimes it can go badly. Also makes a mean cocktail - always invited to dinner parties or wanting to host them with Milo.

If your listener was a deity from a known mythology, what deity would they be? Why would you ask me this. I don't know! Maybe Terpsichore, one of the nine Greek muses associated with dancing? You don't understand how central dance is to this character. They are always dancing.

What Audio RP series are they from? RedactedASMR - Sweetheart

What kind of lover are they to their partner/what kind of friend are they? In a few words - silly-goofy, observant, and a whore (said with love). As for a friend, still silly-goofy and observant, but I think they're affectionate as hell. Think of a really sociable cat.

What is something/are some things that your listener values? They really value family and community - firm believer in it takes a village and we are all our brother's keeper (except of course when it comes to them because they should be able to help everyone and not need any help themselves. sweetheart things.) There is no understanding how invested they are in protecting and standing up for their community and that's why they put in 4x more work (and overtime) than others at DUMP - they believe in helping people and not going with the easy solution. So family, community, doing something you're passionate about every day, and fairness/justice.

Pick a song that you think represents your listener. https://open.spotify.com/track/3qQbCzHBycnDpGskqOWY0E?si=e8cb80d8d36a45b3 This song started making me think about songs for listeners to dance to and kind of kick-started this whole idea. I just have an image of Milo and SH dancing to this song together in the kitchen while something is simmering on the stove ok?

What's the inspiration behind your listener's design? I wanted a listener who could dance really well, and decided a speaker who DEFINITELY can dance is Milo. And then I had to figure out the whole cop thing, so here we are.

Could you give me a vague concept of what your listener's visual vibe is? Modernized sexy noir film - but if you could be the femme fatale and the detective and the criminal at any given point. Truly, they do it all.

What are some extra tidbits you wanna tell me about your listener? Neither Milo nor Sweetheart are good with scary stuff (despite them being a stealth) and neither of them are killing bugs. They call David or Asher to handle them (I think David kills them but Asher puts them outside). Sweetheart and Aggro? Best friends. Milo complains that they're closer than him and Aggro - something about a stealth having cat energy and Aggro just gets it. "The girls that get it, get it, Milo."

Laveau's Listener Design Lab - design #001 - Sweetheart - Lexi Moon

Heyyyy Lexi! Good to see you in my inbox and congrats on getting your listener as the first design for the labs! It was wonderful getting to work on a SH and your concept really stood out to me when I first saw it so I had to draw it up!

Design Notes!

For this design, your initial concepts made me think of a few people I could implement for inspirations to your SH's design. Those people being Catwoman from DC and Gomez Addams from the Addams Family!

From Gomez, I wanted to make Sweetheart's suit similar to the patterning of Gomez's while adding Catwoman's femme fatale flair to the design. You made a note where you wanted SH to look like a detective, a femme fatale and a criminal all in one go so I chose to aim for darker blues to show professionalism whilst implying a sense of mystery to the character–and of course we can't forget every femme fatale's signature bold lipstick colour. You can also see some of Catwoman's influence in the nails as I figured it'd be fun for them to make witty remarks while snapping back at Milo with hand gestures. Additionally, I decided to add a few embellishments to show SH's lack of total compliance to the dress code of D.U.M.P by giving them piercings and tattoos; The moon earrings here is my favourite because every SH should have a moon motif but also given the symbolisms associated with the moon and the energy you wanted your SH to capture, I felt it was the perfect choice; the blue rose tattoos are also fun imo because the thorns can be interpreted as restrictive shackles or as "a rose with thorns", the choice to also incorporate blue roses was also informed by my knowledge of what they mean symbolically (that being mystery, admiration, uniqueness and aspiration) . Finally, I also tailored SH's clothes to be more ready for action whilst being fashionable and danceable (including the oxford shoes I added) so they can always move unrestrained whilst also being the hottest thing that Milo ever laid eyes on.

Overall, this was a really fun concept for me to work on and I really enjoyed being able to design your listener, hope you enjoy!

wanna have your listener designed by me? Check out my rules to the Listener Design Lab and send an ask my way!

[genderqueerdykes]

this may not be your wheelhouse and if so feel free to ignore but: do you know how to get past the sense of imposter syndrome wrt being punk? like. i'm punk, have always been will always be, it's objectively not debatable. but i've had to make some very un-punk decisions (ex. getting a degree and a normie job) in order to survive. and i haven't been well enough to do the work out on the streets or go to the venues in a while now. obviously i didn't magically become a poser, i still know the music, history, fashion, theory, etc... but i still kinda feel like a fraud :/ any advice?

you know, that's a pretty good question, actually, because i've noticed in a lot of alternative scenes, people really like to get uppity and make fun of people who are just getting into it, or may be into it for a while and then move on

i noticed it firsthand when i lived with other punks in a house venue. i saw probably hundreds of people filtering in and out of there over the course of months and a lot of conversations were leftist infighting and it just kinda became the same old garbage over and over again. some people have superiority complexes that make them feel "Above" everyone around them because they are counterculture. it can become a bit tiresome

what i would say, is that you cannot make decisions that line up with your beliefs/politics/etc. all the time. anticapitalists still need to make money. punks very well may need an established career in order to survive. people who live in food deserts have to rely on shitty companies in order to get their groceries and necessities. i don't think that makes anyone 'unpunk', fortunately, because despite how much we despise this capitalist hellhole, we can't just magically exist completely outside of it without engaging in every single thing we oppose

there's no reason why a punk can't be 'formally employed', so to speak, because not everyone is capable of living off of donations or running their own shop, selling zines, selling customized clothing, selling things they've grown ethically and organically, and so on. the thing is, is money moves so fast in capitalism that two weeks can easily break you. most people are one missed paycheck away from the worst situation of their life

as long as you actually follow through with what you believe and stand for in the areas where you can, that's what's important. as long as you behave in a way that doesn't oppress others, support your local community, participate in harm reduction events, or whatever your specific focus is on breaking down the structures firmly built around us to divide us, you are very much a punk.

respect for others, standing up for one's self, and other's when possible in situations where remaining peaceful is not an option, unlearning racism, trans/misogyny, transandrophobia, transphobia, lesbophobia, homophobia, intersexism, biphobia, and other queerphobic beliefs, learning to respect demonized and heavily oppressed people such as people of color, homeless people, addicts, people with personality disorders, people with schizophrenia, people with bipolar disorder, people with DID, people with OCD, people with autism, people with ADHD, and other neurodivergent and mentally ill people, and breaking down other internalized oppressive structures in your own mind to prevent perpetuating it, you've achieved your goal

the thing is is not every punk is a master of punk history, most punks are in the scene to meet with like minded people who very well may have other interests outside of the community that take up more of their time. many people don't have the time to read up on literature and zines because they live transient or busy lives. many punks don't listen to entirely punk music, some don't listen to any at all. i don't listen to a lot of music, due to being autistic and easily overwhelmed by sound, myself, so that is an area that i am not super versed in. i have very basic knowledge from sitting around and listening to other punks and their music, but i'm more focused on activism. but that's exactly the thing:

not every punk is an activist, either. you can wade as far as you personally want to into these waters. there are different kinds of punks, for sure, and that's not a bad thing at all. some folks are really passionate about music and want to spread a message that way, but may not have the time to become involved with local activist organizations. some punks are in it for the art. some are in it because they like each others company and personalities. some people like that there are a lot of trans and queer people in general in the scene so they find it a safe place to meet other queer people. some people like the casual atmosphere and ability to do whatever substances they want with other people in a safe environment without judgment, and around other people who have experiences with these substances. some people literally just dress alternative and like hanging out with other people who do and that's not bad, either.

all of these are okay things

as long as you acknowledge where you're at and not pretend to know more than you really do, you'll be fine. ultimately it means lot of things to a lot of different punks and just like any other identity, every punk will describe it slightly differently. i thought i was an outcast because i was the only real activist in that household, most other folks were there to be around like minded people who hate the way out society is run, and that's totally okay. if that's their vibe, that's their vibe. i can't tell them they're not punk, what would be the point of that? they play in and listen to punk bands. i'd be an idiot to tell them they're not really punk, you know?

you are the one who defines what punk looks like for you, as it is your experience. don't worry about someone else bothering you about it unless you've genuinely stepped out of line and said something potentially fascist, racist, queerphobic, etc. be open to genuine criticism but if someone gives you shit for not knowing some obscure detail about punk history it's not worth your time. i literally knew a punk girl who ran an anarchist reading club and she herself didn't read the book and just listened to everyone else talk about it and discerned her opinion from there.

punks come in all kinds- however:

THE ONLY WAY TO NEVER, EVER BE PUNK IS TO BE A NAZI, COP, OR OTHER KIND OF FASCIST. queerphobes, abelists, racists and their enablers aren't welcome either.

that's the main takeaway, if you ask me. i hope that helps, i have imposter syndrome with a few mental health things so i understand, it's a pain in the ass. if you have any more questions feel free to ask!